#had to TREAT MASELF

[foxyartchive]

High Priestess Taa ♱

[princesshawkins]

I’m starting early for mericcup month! :D I dont know if I’m going to do everyday but im going to try my best because this years prompt are a challenge since I only do videos they would be easier if i drew them or worte about they but i’m not good at either xD so ima try pictures and maybe a mini story ! :D ________________________________________________________

MERICCUP MONTH 2020: DAY 1 

“I Love you, over a beer bottle”

It was a normal day at berk, when Hiccup came back to his cabin and decided to treat him self to a beer after a long day of exploring more of their land with toothless when his girlfriend arrives to welcome him back.

 “Hiccup! ye felt like yu was gon foreverrr!” merida exaggerated.

 “haha missed me already didn't you m’lady?” he said teasing back at her.

 “No...just...not use to bein’ by maself here in berk” the red head said trying to not make it obvious that he was right when she noticed the drink in his hand. 

“Eww not dat stuff, why do ya lads like to drink dis horrendous thing” she exclaimed.

 she picked up another one of hiccups drinks looking at it with a disgust. Hiccup chuckled as the look on her face 

“haha its not suppose to taste good mer, it just helps you relax”. he replied raising his drink at her.

 Merida still didnt understand why ever man in Hiccups village and and back in Scotland also loved this stuff so much, they drank it like they were dying of thirst, when she could hardly stand the smell but i guess it wasn’t that case for them.

  “Dis? Dis makes me want to throw up more dan relax hiccup” she said as she set down the drink pushing it away from her.

 Hiccup couldnt contain his laugh. He found it so amusing the way his girlfriend always reacted to the beer and she never held back from saying something every time he drank it or even just the right of it, she always spoke her mind.

 “oh Mer, you’re so....haha I just....I love you you know that” he said as he took a sip of his beer.

 When he realized what he just said he suddenly froze nervous of the way merida would react. He took a gulp of his drink. Merida quickly turned to look at him also surprised at what he had said. Hiccup just froze in place waiting to see how his girl was going to react. They have never said that three letter sentence before, they have just always knew but never had the courage to actually say it to each other. Merida cracked a smile, she always felt warm and happy inside when she was around hiccup and although they were already together she still always felt giddy and excited to see him like the first few days she started falling for him, but this moment was different she felt nervous but felt butterflies moving all around her stomach unlike ever before.

 “Ye what? Ye love...me...Hiccup?” she teased.

trying not to show how deep down she wanted him to say it again and again because she loved the way he made her feel hearing him say it. But he knew her too well, she had that sparkle in her eyes, ocean blue eyes gazing deeply into emerald green, the same way they looked at each other before they shared their first kiss finally admitted their feeling for one another. And this moment was going to be as memorable as the last time because Hiccup also loved the way it sounded and how amazing it felt to say it finally to the love of his life

 “Yes Mer, I love you....I love you Merida” he said as he smiled at her 

Merida knew that he did already but those words coming from him dedicated only to her made smile so big and at this moment Merida  fell in love with him all over again. <333

________________________________________

My first mini story for Mericcup Month Hope you guys like it ! :D i really tried to get merida’s accent in there but it was hard and im not a writer so i hope this is okay xD    

[atlafan]

I really want a drunk Harry fic cause look at that man child being all drunk at the brits today 🥺

a/n: okay well we love a drunk harry. I promise I have a daytime job, just perks of having your own office to sloothily write fics in when it’s slow (fluff with just a dash of smut, only if you squint.)

It started out as a simple kickback at his Malibu home. Harry would be getting ready to tour soon, and wanted to have one last hoorah before he wouldn’t be able to come back to Malibu for a while. 

All of his close friends had some over, it was potluck style. He was in the kitchen,minding the blender making margaritas. You both shared a love for tequila. 

It was the perfect day. People were swimming, drinking, Harry was by the grill with an apron on over his bare chest. An incredible sight. Harry kept his cup full all day. He was letting loose for the first time in a long time. No one could blame him, his album was doing extremely well. He felt he could finally relax. He had a distinctive laugh when he was drunk. It was a tell that it was time to slow down. But no one was going to tell him that. 

As it got darker outside, only a select few of friends were left. Everyone had gotten out of the pool and sat by the fire. Harry’s eyes were red and glazed over. His cheeks and nose were rosy too. Yup, too much to drink. You tried to get him to drink some water, but he refused. Said it would make him sick. 

“I’m gonna try to put him to bed before he gets worse.” You smile shyly at his friends. Harry was having a wee, so it was the perfect time to tell them the party was basically over. 

“Good idea, need help bringin’ him upstairs?”

“No, he can still walk perfectly fine, but thanks.” 

“Have a good night!” They say as they leave. You turn to go back inside, and lock the sliding door. He frowns at you when he sees his friends are gone.

“Where’d everyone go?” He slurs.

“Home, babe. It’s real late now. Time for bed.”

“Let’s have a swim, hm? Just the two of us.” He wraps his arms around you. You can smell the liquor on him. You weren’t completely sober yourself, but in way better shape than him.

“Don’t think that’s a good idea.”

“Why not?” He pouts. “C’mon, when was the last time we skinny dippin’?”

“Harry, I really don’t think getting naked in the pool is a good idea right now. What if you passed out? There’s no way I’d be able to help you.”

“You’re no fun.” He goes to unlock the door, but you grab his wrist.

“Let’s go have fun upstairs instead.” He immediately perks up. 

He stumbles a bit going up the stairs, almost tripping three separate times. You roll your eyes and laugh at him. He really did have a good day with everyone. You were happy that he was happy. 

“What are ya gigglin’ about?” He says with a grin.

“Nothing, you’re just a cute drunk.”

“M’not.” He hiccups. “Drunk.” You started laughing harder, he joins in. “Okay, maybe a little drunk.” You look him up and down. His chest was a little red. 

“Babe, I think you got a little too much sun today, you’re bit burnt. Let me get the aloe. Sit on the bed for me.”

“Yes, ma'am.” He salutes you and sits on the edge of the bed. You go into the bathroom closet and grab some aloe. Standing between his legs, you start to rub some on his red chest. 

“Mmm, that feels nice. Your hands always feel s’nice on me.” He says closing his eyes. 

“Okay, Harry.” 

“Wha’?” He opens his eyes to look at you. “I can’t compliment m’girl’s hands all of a sudden?”

“You can, you’re just intoxicated at the moment, and you keep moving. Give me this arm. Your shoulders are fucked.” You rub the aloe on his shoulders and down his arms. 

“How’s m’back?” You sigh and get on the bed behind him.

“Absolutely fucked. Jesus, Harry, I swear you’re like a child sometimes. Did I really need to be on you to reapply lotion?” You say massaging the aloe into his back and neck. 

“Don’t be cross with me, I couldn’t bare it. Sides, you like you treatin’ me like ya baby.”

“Not true.”

“Yes it is. Harry did you eat breakfast? Harry did you wee before we left? Harry did you pack an extra phone charger?” He mimics your accent as best he can in his drunken state. “It’s quite cute actually, you lookin’ out f’me.” 

“That’s all it is, it’s not treating you like a baby.” You stop rubbing the aloe as you’ve covered him good.

“Keep rubbin’ m’please, feels s’nice.” You roll your eyes, but do as he asks. 

Great, he got to be belligerent, got you to take care of him, and now he gets a back rub.  

“Spoiled brat.” You say playfully under your breath. 

“Heard that.”

“Good.” 

“Ya give the best massages, love.”

“I know.” He turns to look at you.

“Are ya really mad at me, please don’t be. I can’t stand it when you’re upset with me.” 

“I’m not mad or upset. I’m just tired. We were very social today. I swam, I was in the sun, I drank a lot too. And now I gotta put baby boy to bed.” 

“I can put maself t’bed, thank ya very much.” Harry stands up and wobbles, but catches his balance. 

“You can barely walk, let alone stand.” 

“Not true.” He strips himself of his little yellow swim trunks. “See, all ready for bed.”

“You still need to wash your face and brush your teeth.”

“Sure thing, mummy.” He walks his naked body into the bathroom, leaving your mouth hanging in open. You follow him with your arms crossed over your chest. “Might wanna change outta that bathin’ suit.”

“Sure thing, daddy.” You huff and walk away. You change into a t-shirt and some shorts, and wait for him on the bed. “You know you could put some boxers on.”

“Nah, I like floppin’ it around like this.” He smirks getting onto the bed next to you. You can’t help but giggle at his behavior. “Give us a kiss, love.”

You lean in and kiss your man, only for a moment. He frowns when you stop.

“I’m just gonna go get a barrel in case you wake up sick later.”

“I don’t feel sick. I don’t even have the spins. In fact, I feel pretty good.” He grabs your wrist. “Don’t you wanna see how good I feel?”

Harry was always cheeky with you in the bedroom, but more so when he was tipsy. The alcohol definitely gave him more confidence, not that he needed it. He could snap his fingers and you’d have sex with him. Not that you would ever tell him that, it would inflate his ego too much. 

“Harry...”

“Please, look at how excited it is to see ya.” You look down to Harry’s very hard penis. 

“Christ, I am not having sex with you until you sober up.”

“Why not?”

“Because it’ll be all sloppy, and I’ll-”

“Have to do all the work? Oh what a shame.” He says sarcastically. “You like bein’ in control, no difference if you’re on top this time.” 

“I don’t have a problem doing the work. I just don’t need you passing out underneath me. Come on, let’s just cuddle baby.” 

“Once I’m sober you’ll hop on me?” 

“Yes, I promise.” He gets up. “Where are you going now?”

“M’startin’ a bloody pot of coffee.”

You burst out laughing as Harry struts out of the room. You loved that he didn’t care about being completely naked around you. You also loved that he was willing to do just about anything to get you to touch him. This night would not be ending anytime soon. 

[joyful-fool-blog]

Truth: what made you start doing drugs?

hEhE iM tReAtInG mAsElF :o) kEePiN tHoSe VoIcEs At BaY. i aInT pRoUd Of It SiBlIn BuT i Be DoIn WhAt I gOtTa Do, HaD nO oNe To HeLp ThIs ClOwNs AsS.

[wydmariana]

well hellooooo beautiful people !! i’m so freakin excited u don’t even know… anyway, i guess i should introduce maself. i’m dani, i’m 19 & i’m from canada aka the est tz. i’m also the ari mascot on the main !! i’m gonna put some info about my babygirl below so pls hmu or like this to plot :~)

a SELENA GOMEZ lookalike was strolling down broadway street in their louis vuitton’s. mariana cavello just had a birthday bash for her twenty second birthday. she has been living in new york city for her whole life. i hear she tends to be reticent at parties, but also kind of quixotic. ( cisfemale & she/her )

☇   ❪    ˚･ﾟ ❛ STATISTICS :

full name: mariana marisol cavello

nickname(s): mari

age: twenty two

date of birth: june 4th, 1996

hometown: new york city

current location: upper east side, new york city

ethnicity: half mexican

nationality: american

gender: cisfemale

pronouns: she/her

parents names: tanner hastings, liliana cavello

orientation: pansexual but she doesn’t like labels

religion: grew up catholic, undecided

political affiliation: democrat

occupation: singer/songwriter

living arrangements: lives in her own mansion in the upper east side

language(s) spoken: english, spanish

accent: american

face claim: selena gomez

hair colour: x (most basic/accurate/but it changes)

eye colour: brown

height: 5″5

weight: 120lbs

build: petite

tattoos: mostly selena’s canon, but x instead of the music note

piercings: x (both ears)

drugs/alcohol/sex: yes/yes/yes

pets: one cat, 5 years old, named sergio - x

astrological chart: gemini sun, cancer moon, scorpio rising

☇   ❪    ˚･ﾟ ❛  BACKSTORY/CURRENT :

mariana was born to tanner cavello (famous hotel owner, entrepreneur, multimillionaire, been on forbes, think bart bass) & lilliana cavello (hispanic model/socialite)

her parents marriage was very much settling, the two of them cared about each other & were excited to start their life together in effort to please their parents and keep their images pristine

they were quick to fall out of love though, if you could say they were even ever in it

once mariana and her brother became teenagers, their dad started having affairs with his employes, the hot, young ones of course. & their mom found out, but confided in a 16 year old mariana about her father’s actions

( sexual abuse tw ) this infuriated mariana, especially considering the hours she would spend waiting outside her father’s office doing homework while his business partners molested her in the empty conference room starting at the age of 14

she never told anyone about it, although she knew her father had known the whole time, remembering how many times he’d interrupt it by summoning his partners for work or a meeting

mariana began absolutely hating her father, while still yearning for his approval, & this went on for 4 years until she turned 18 and got revenge by sleeping with one of her dad’s business partners & allowing his wife to find out

so his wife threatened to tell the media about this little scandal, unless mari’s dad paid them off, which is exactly what he did but not before taking his anger out on mariana & blaming her for the whole mess

she has barely talked to her dad since & moved out right as that whole situation went down. she does her best to avoid family gatherings, doesn’t visit the house to see her parents too often. she does have weekly phone calls with her mom & tries to see her as often as she can, no matter how much she resents her

she got into the party scene around 17/18 as well, and became new york’s resident “wild child rich kid/socialite” in her teen years, so she has that reputation in the media still to this day

her parents have been rich as fuck since the day she was born, so she’s definitely a spoiled brat, never worked a day in her life, had daddy’s credit card whenever she needed it

music had always been a passion of hers though, being her favorite class in school (on days when she would actually attend)

so when she was 20, she started getting back into writing, sold a couple of her songs to artists like zendaya, the weeknd, etc

when she turned 21 she released her first single & album within the same year, began touring, and got to the top of the charts almost right away & gained a huge fanbase, whom she loves

she works hard though, & loves writing and releasing music now and never wants to stop. it’s truly the thing that makes her most happy in the entire world and keeps her sane

☇   ❪    ˚･ﾟ ❛  PERSONALITY  :

mariana can be a brat, to put it simply. she thinks she’s always right about everything & it’s rare you’re ever gonna get an apology from her when she’s done something wrong (unless she really cares about you which….)

she’s lowkey a softie, bc of her cancer moon tbh. she tends to get herself into relationships and then mess them up for the sake of it or because she stops trusting herself to be in the relationship at all

but when she loves someone, she LOVES them, like w every fibre in her body u know?

and she cares fiercely about people, it ends up being a problem for her a lot of the time

she hasn’t worked through her trauma & probably never will, she bottles that shit up tight & doesn’t let anybody know it’s there. the only way she’s ever opening up is if she’s writing, cause she wants that shit to be real

but she’s still gonna hoe it up, catch her in the club trying to get some dick for the night, u know what i mean?

super depressed if we’re being real here. she’s sad, and she has abandonment issues because of her dad. so her mindset is- there’s no forming attachments, because everyone leaves me anyway

( drugs tw ) she loves cocaine, is most definitely an addict (but who isn’t in this city), tequila is her alcohol of choice, but she’ll drink anything you give her & weed is her creative saving grace

she started popping pain pills on her 21st birthday, opioids occasionally & mostly xanax, stuff like that, is most definitely also addicted to those

we love a bitch who doesn’t care about her health!

her management team frowns upon it, but she does smoke cigarettes pretty often, but mostly only when she’s stressed

mariana’s the type of bitch to call the paparazzi on herself, she loves attention. but with her music career now it’s been 10x harder for her to keep her life private, not that she cares. but at least she doesn’t have to call the paps on herself anymore lol

she thinks it’s important to treat people w kindness and respect, but no doubt she’ll be ready to fight a b*tch if she has to…

catch her at any protest that involves saying “fuck you trump”

her instagram is a big mix of stories of her cat, dumb selfies, ig model posts, her friends, career stuff & political posts. she’s very active on the gram & snapchat lol

honestly thank U for reading this trash if u didnt...i understand. catch her pinterest board for more here & i have a wanted connections page here ! ok bye i love u, plot w me <3

[meenasmoon]

It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year

A little Christmas gift for you all. There will be a couple more late ones but Christmas lasts until New Years so yay!!! Happy Holidays to all of my followers.

“I’m home!” Meena called out excitedly as she burst through the front door of their apartment, her arms laden with baking supplies. The apartment was warm and inviting in comparison to the cold winter wonderland slowly covering every surface outside. She brushed the snow off of her boots and used her hip to bump the door closed so she could make her way into the kitchen. Classic Christmas music was playing in the living room and she hummed along to Feliz Navidad as she made her way into the kitchen. She found Johnny happily swinging his hips along to the tempo of the song and spraying a heaping amount of whip cream on three mugs of hot chocolate.

When he caught sight of her in the entryway he immediately set down the spray can and danced over to her, exaggeratedly mouthing the words and doing an odd shuffle-like dance which consisted of a lot of hip shaking and wavy arm movements. She was giggling so loudly that she could barely draw in breath when he finally reached her and began to pepper her cheeks with a thousand kisses.

“Johnny!” She protested half-heartedly and he slowed his kisses until he found her mouth and captured it with his own. They stood in the middle of the kitchen kissing sweetly for what felt like an eternity until their need for air broke them apart. Meena felt her cheeks heating up despite the fact that Johnny had been her boyfriend for two years, but her stubborn blush was also accompanied by a sunny smile.

“ 'appy Christmas love.” Johnny blurted out cheerily and began taking the baking gear from her arms, spreading it out on the counter that had obviously been prepared for her arrival.

“Merry Christmas Johnny.” She giggled at his obvious excitement in anticipation for their cookie baking party and settled the rest of the ingredients onto the counter. She was in the middle of arranging the sprinkles containers and writing icing when she felt strong arms wrap themselves around her middle while a gentle mouth settled affectionate kisses on her neck. She sighed happily and leaned back into Johnny’s embrace, closing her eyes as he pressed more kisses against her neck and tightened his embrace.

“I love you.” She sighed happily and he hummed gently against her skin before finally replying, his voice soft with happiness.

“I love ya too.” She tilted her head to the side so that her ears weren’t in the way and kissed him on the mouth, however this time they were interrupted by the arrival of their roommate Ash who strolled into the kitchen wearing an plain sweater with a mirror strapped to her chest and a Santa hat.

“Ugh. Give it a rest love birds I wanna bake some cookies so I can spend the rest of the night binge-eating them and watching Christmas movies.” Meena giggled and pulled away from Johnny to grab her hot chocolate and take a sip.

“Sorry Ash. I can’t ‘elp maself.” Johnny smirked and Ash rolled her eyes good-naturedly.

“What are you wearing Ash?” Meena changed the subject and Ash proudly adjusted the mirror on her chest so that it was straight

“It’s an ugly Christmas sweater.” She turned so that Johnny’s curious face was reflected in the mirror, “See?”

Johnny’s face morphed into an unimpressed frown while Ash just smirked smugly up at him. Meena hid her giggles behind her hand and captured Johnny’s hand in her own in an effort to calm the defensive tirade that she could see forming.

“I think you’re very handsome honey.” She said sweetly and his glare instantly melted into a sappy grin. He leaned in for another kiss that Meena gladly met and Ash made exaggerated gagging noises that they promptly ignored.

“Alright you two. Go change into the ugly sweaters that I bought ya and let’s get this party started.” Ash commanded and Meena laughed as she dragged Johnny to their room where two ugly christmas sweaters were patiently waiting.

They changed quickly and within minutes they were all in the kitchen, mixing three different cookie doughs while the oven heated up. As soon as the sugar cookie was ready to be cut into shapes, Ash and Johnny began squabbling over who would get to go first. Eventually Meena sliced the dough in half and set them up at separate ends of the counter, muttering to herself about them acting like children. Behind her back they made faces at each other and began filling their traces with various shaped sugar cookies.

It only took them a couple of hours to finish baking all of the cookies and move onto the decorating portion. While Meena finished up the last batch of gingerbread cookies Johnny and Ash armed themselves with frosting and sprinkles and dove headfirst into their task. Their arguing quieted into a blissful silence only broken up by the Christmas music from the living room speakers as they decorated furiously and Meena used the calm to sing along to her favorite Christmas song, White Christmas, as she packed up all of the finished cookies.

She didn’t notice Johnny nervously getting to his feet, a large heart cookie cradled in his big hands, nor Ash as she pushed the shaking gorilla over to where she was standing. It was only when he laid a gentle hand on her side that she turned around and found his warm brown eyes flicking nervously between her and the cookie.

Meena’s confusion only mounted when Ash yanked him down onto one knee and he looked up at her almost pleadingly. She had always been rather oblivious and she quickly accepted the cookie that he offered so solemnly, not quite getting exactly what was going on. She looked down on the gently frosted surface and quickly began deciphering the messy frosting scrawl across the front. When she finally figured it out her jaw dropped and she looked back down at her boyfriend who was still kneeling on the tile, only this time a diamond ring was resting in his palm.

She looked back down at the cookie where green frosting asked her for him: Will You Marry Me?

Her mind imploded in shock and she stared at the innocent little treat for what felt like forever before she gently set it down on the counter and pulled Johnny onto his feet. His expression was heartbroken for a second before she surprised him and pulled him into a passionate kiss, her arms wrapping around his shoulders so she could dig her fingers into his unruly hair.

Johnny hesitated in confusion but quickly let himself get swept up into the kiss until he was clutching her close to him, his grip secure and comforting around her waist. Meena pulled back from his lips long enough to breathe.

“Yes. Yes yes ye-“ She gasped against his mouth until her fiance surged up and captured them once more, effectively cutting her off and bringing her into another kiss. The world around them melted away until all that was left was their own bubble of happiness.

Outside the snow gently decorated the city, innocently unaware that in a tiny apartment in the middle of the city, a young couple were beginning the next step in their lives and a porcupine was stealing cookies. By all accounts it was the best Christmas that any of them had seen in a long time, and one that they would remember for the rest of their lives.

[sammixo8]

Throw back to NYE 2018; ended up looking soo fire i just had to bail on a house party, & instead treated maself to a fancy dinner, fine wine, champagne, & a dessert so hypnotic, it legit ordered 2nds to-go all on it's own. 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🥩🍷🥂🎂 #hypnotic #desserts #dessert🍰 #goodcompany #treatyaself #throwback #nye2018 #woman #feelingcute #alldressedup #formyself #allforme #selflove #selfcare (at San Diego, California) https://www.instagram.com/p/B6-dMsQHfw3/?igshid=1356a9dj3j4mo

[harryandmeghan0-blog]

Funniest British Tweets of the year include Prince Harry, Morrison’s pies and dogs on laptops - Metro.co.uk

New Post has been published on https://harryandmeghan.xyz/funniest-british-tweets-of-the-year-include-prince-harry-morrisons-pies-and-dogs-on-laptops-metro-co-uk/

Funniest British Tweets of the year include Prince Harry, Morrison’s pies and dogs on laptops - Metro.co.uk

The top 101 funniest British Tweets of 2018 have been released and there are some corkers in there.

UK Twitter users were on fire this year and it will take something special for them to surpass this level in 2019.

Comedy gold moments included a funny Prince Harry video, a packet of mutated potatoes, royal baby banter and very dark but hilarious messages.

We’ve selected a few of the ones we thought were the best but you can find the full list here.

First up is a mocked-up video of Prince Harry running to the dancefloor after an S Club 7 track begins to play

This image looked like it was straight out of a horror movie

This tweet was very dark but also hilarious.

Told my Gran she needs to write an invite list for her 80th party: “Aye that’s fine son I’ve got the list for my 70th through there, just cross off the ones that are deed”😂😂

— Mikey (@MikeyHay96) February 12, 2018

MORE: Mum refuses to pay babysitter who’s had ‘ice cream and fun’ with her kids for eight hours

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Metro.co.uk was also featured on the list with this banger

Nothing to see here, just a dog on a laptop

MORE: Woman who uses asparagus to predict the future outlines life in 2019

This was unfortunate

This is both insulting and hilarious

Sooo the builders in my house have just asked if my mum has 3 daughters…. they think 2 of the daughters are actually me with and without make up. Absolutely creased but also very hurt x

— anna leighton x (@anna_leighton) May 16, 2018

Crystal Palace FC got involved in the royal baby banter

There was no respect for Fiat 500 drivers in 2018

Me sister drives a fiat 500 and everytime she passes someone else in one they wave at each other like bus drivers

— robbie g (@robbiegreenwel3) May 25, 2018

A young lady did something good but she was still annoyed with herself

saw £20 lying on the floor beside my foot in edinbrugh, picked it up and gave it to a guy holding a charity box….walked away all chuffed with myself only now to realise it was mine and it had fallen out my pocket 🙂🙂🙂hate maself now

— Alix 🌹 (@alixcowan) June 25, 2018

Why we love Britain

What happens when you’re too nice

Just went to Tesco and asked if they had any plasters and the woman thought I said pasta and now I’m stood staring at penne because I was too scared to say no

— sophie (@sophxthompson) August 7, 2018

More: UK

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He loves his mum and will not accept anyone disrespecting her

if you come into my gaff and don’t say hello to my mum you can see yourself out

— jam (@JamieClay_) August 29, 2018

A dog that looks like it needs glasses

‘Yer da’ jokes were big this year and this was the pick of them

Yer da works in Tesco through the week and DJ’s at the weekend and calls himself tiesco

— Chris Martin (@Cmart3291) August 21, 2018

One of the best Brexit tweets of the year

Our government is really treating Brexit like one uni deadline. How you 2.5 years into the assignment with nothing to show for it? These man will be pulling an all nighter in the library on March 28th

— yung reezy 🇱🇨 (@6foot3lightie) October 16, 2018

This joke just about works

Leeds United FC and One Direction’s Niall Horan got into it

More: UK

He blew our minds with this thought

Noticed there was a fly on our flight and it full on blew my mind. That lad has no clue that he’s full on emigrated. Will never see any of his family or pals ever again

— party ross anthem (@Rauss_Mc) November 13, 2018

He makes a good point

Deeeed My pals 5 yr old wee brother just asked her if her ex boyfriend was coming up tonight n she replied “we broke up” and he said “well me and him didn’t break up soo??”

— Caitlin Degnan (@Caitzooo) October 4, 2018

Some Ed Sheeran slander

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[nanjingmakyu-blog]

Today is 28th January..

..which means I officially left the UK 5 months ago today. So yeah, my plan of writing everyday hasn’t exactly gone to plan.. in my defence, when we first arrived it was a fucking bitch trying to get VPN sorted on my Macbook so I didn’t end up using it for like a month. And then when it was sorted, I was like maybe it’s too late now..

But fuck that I wanna write so I will write!! But first, a runthrough, month by month, of what has happened so far:

August/September:

Me and Ella arrived 29th August and me being me decided after travelling for 26+ hours to get trashed in Talking with Heli, James, Nick and Lawrence and then ended up not even staying in my own room on my first night here lmao. And finding out all the drama that happened between Em, James and Abbie, I should have realised that these events were probably going to foreshadow the general vibe of the year hahahaha. DRAMA.

Arriving at Shanghai after a 12 hour flight from Heathrow and it then taking 9 hours to get from Shanghai to Nanjing. And being 累死了 and everything being hot and stressful. And having a random man on the street get us a taxi cos we had no idea what we were doing lol. And NONE of the taxi drivers at 南京南站 taking us cos we had too much luggage like FUCK YOU 操你妈. BITCH. My fucking 50kg+ of luggage has now essentially doubled and I’m wondering how much I can pay to hire someone for the day to carry it all for me on the way home lol.

Broke up with Adam. Long time coming. Didn’t go well. Proceeded to remove him from every social media and block his number. Overreacted slightly.. but whatever. Just hope he can find someone new and TREAT THEM BETTER. Lovely lovely man but so clueless maximum.. thanks for teaching me all the Singlish though babe hahahah. Wish him all the best.

Met Adrian and Cassie. Proceeded to have my first experience of fucking in the same room as someone else. So pleased to have shared this experience with Ella <3

Started class and quickly realised that starting class at 8am is HARD, UNPLEASANT and IRRITATING. Class fucking sucks and it’s boring, Kouyu is bearable because our 70-year-old teacher essentially just talked and 对不对’d the entire time. And also grilled Knarik at every possible opportunity about Armenia and it’s people and it’s GENOCIDE. Fucking Chinese have zero tact whatsoever lmao. Zonghe can fuck off and die, the content is dull and although 陈老师 is cute and pretty and looks like SinB from GFriend, she’s a shit teacher. Tingli is the absolute fucking worst because it’s SO FUCKING BORING. The only thing I can remember is legit “孙儿”, and 安然 is mouthy little bitch with an attitude problem like fuck off don’t fucking patronise me you’re like 24. Cunt. The only positive thing to note is that we essentially did zero work and attended like 50% of class and still got wonderful grades because we all cheated on our exams. Sorry bout it :)

Aron was here for like 3 weeks and then left to go back to Korea which was the fucking best thing ever because I got my big ass room all to maself yeeeeeee. And he was nice don’t get me wrong!! But boring as fuck lol and never left the room and I swear for like the whole time I never stayed in the room for like the entire weekend.. cos we were going out Friday and Saturday night every weekend and I just always ended up staying with Em or Ella (and Sophie, sorry forgot you existed you judgemental bore <3).. but then I remember when we went to Shanghai in October I was expecting him to be home when I was back cos it had been like a month after he left and he said he was only going for a month.. but then weeks and weeks went on and he never returned!!!! And well let’s hope it stays that way because I’m very accustomed to living alone now :) this is my room, my pictures are on the walls, my Twice poster is on the wall, get out :) don’t come back Aron :) ever :) 

It was HOTTTTTT. Everyday was so so so hot. On one of the first days here, I remember we went to ICBC to sort our bank accounts, and I was wearing my white Vans top. And I was still fake tanning. And I sweated.. and my top fucking turned ORANGE. So I had to walk in like 35 degrees heat with my backpack on my front to cover up the fact that I was essentially melting. I stopped tanning soon afterwards.

Dyed my hair for the first time ever!! First was like ugly brown/red then just got darker and darker until was black and now I decided black suits me best so will continue to dye black. black black black black.

Got iPhone 7 because I am 小公主 spoiled little bitch maximum. :)

October

We went to Shanghaiiiiiiiiii for the first time!! It was soooo fun. Girls weekend Girls DAY PARTY~~~!! The airbnb we stayed at was beautiful but expensive. And then we went out on the Friday night and Em got fucking slapped in the face by some Chinese guy like wtf. Screaming “Angela.. ANGELA!!!” as it happened lmao. And then trying to defuse the situation and the guys started trying it on with me lmao bye. Other highlights include me and Heli being so drunk that we cried in the street cos no one would have sex with us :(

Halloween was fun.... was it? I can’t really remember. I looked good though lol, and I started wearing circle lens again.. now wear everyday and feel v ugly without lol, the struggle.

Heartache with Adrian and decided around this time that I don’t like men and don’t want a boyfriend for a long while now..

November

November was a weird month.. probably the lowest month I’ve had here and probably will have here. Hopefully. Started to really miss home and just felt frustration of class, mundane life and being tired all the time. Lowest point crying to Em in my room cos my power was off. Glad to be out of the dip though now.

November was like actually really boring, like I can’t remember much of what happened. A lot of drinking. A lot of 1912 several times a week lol. I’d kill for 煎饼 right nowwww~~

December

Exams started and everyone panicked but we ended up cheating anyway and getting great results lmao, so it’s led me to believe that I’ll put in even less effort next semester.

Fucking off the class meal after exams had finished and being questioned why we (Me, Ella, Em, Junyoung) didn’t attend and having to skirt around the obvious answer of “you’re all a bunch of cunts”.

We went to Shanghai again, this time Me, Ella, Nick, Em and James. Getting James to come was like pulling teeth as per usual but then when he did he seemed to have a good time. 

Christmas in China wasn’t too enjoyable because I had the FUCKING FLU. Seriously it was like the worst I’ve felt in years, never will complain about others being sick again lol. Went for the worst Christmas dinner of my entire life at the Australian restaurant and then the bitch wanted us to pay 220块 for the dinner each. Needless to say wasn’t having it and argued it down to 180 lol, and then went to bed and slept and couldn’t go to Maxim’s party :(

ME AND EM WENT TO KOREA. It was like a dream come true wtf. My 6 year long dream of being a KPOP star was realised and it was perfect and wonderful and COLD but still amazing and I wish I was there right now.. I spent so much fucking money though but whatever, the shopping and the food was all sooooo gooooood. And Junyoung was a great tour guide too. Went to all the sights and met Heejeong, Nahyun and Jaechui on one day. I miss them all so much but especially you, Park Junyoung :( But I will go back definitely, and take everyone else with us next time.

January

Coming back from Korea was a NIGHTMARE. Went outside the airport in 西安 for a cig and then not being allowed back in for 2 1/2 hours. Had to wait in a fucking bus terminal, freezing cold, no phone charge. Flight then delayed even further. Came back to Nanjing with the feel of death v apparent :) and also suffocating on the air because of 5 days in clean, beautiful Seoul~~

Stayed in Nanjing for about a week until me and Ella decided that we couldn’t cope with the cold and the boredom so we booked a holiday to Sanya in 5* hotel and flights for £350!!! Then we we arrived we got fucking upgraded to a suite and it was beautiful. We spent the week just chilling out and the weather was so perfect. So sad to come home but so happy to be reunited with Em, Nick and Heli again :3

And that’s the T!!!