#had majors to work on okayyyyyy

[bloodandfleshautism]

Someone pray some motivation to study into my brain or some shit pretty please :3

[libra-stellium]

Pluto in Aquarius - 12H Transit

Reflecting on Friendships

The last time pluto was in aquarius was March 23 - June 11 2023 and during that time was when a friend of 8/9 years ghosted me in early March and I tried to mend things during that 3 month period and the last time we had a conversation was June 10 2023 lol (we did tell each other happy birthday and thank you in Sept and Nov after that but no actual conversation)

Then this year pluto goes into aqua again on Jan 20 2024 and I tell a couple friends about how my TikTok FYP gets sooo many of her reposts about fake friends and hating people who aren’t confrontational and how nobody knows how to communicate lol so I liked one of them and they stopped! Then like 2 weeks later there’s a repost about getting confronted about reposts and how you can’t take anything online seriously 😂 but there’s been 0 reposts since so I think it worked 🤷🏾‍♀️

Then on Jan 29 I had a dream that I was in a groupchat with her and other people who I used to be friends with in college but my friendship with them didn’t make it past that so I guess they ended like 5 years ago? We would sometimes do group things but it quickly died down. They’re all still friends tho I think. Anyway so in this dream one girl sent a longgggggg ass message about all the things she hated about me 💀 (my dreams are always dramatic lmfao) and that girl who ghosted me was hearting the messages within seconds like she was right there when it was written!! Lmao message received!! I don’t think they actually hate me to this extent irl but I’m a Pisces rising so my dreams don’t lie 🤷🏾‍♀️

And this entire week I’ve been thinking about what I actually want out of friendships and that friendship wasn’t bad but it also wasn’t completely what I wanted in a friendship and I think I was holding on for longer than necessary bc nothing had happened between us so why end a friendship you know? And towards the end right before I was like “she ghosted me” I remember thinking why do I feel like I’m begging ? Lmao bc I would type a message and erase it like I felt she wouldn’t care about what I had to say. Which is weird bc I wasn’t saying anything out of the ordinary 😭 and I should’ve listened to that feeling more lol

I definitely want friendships with more care involved. I have a few friends I can have deep conversations with and who didn’t mind listening to me vent to them about what my narc mom was doing to me that week and I let them vent too. But like…while I was going through that no one asked me if I needed anything or if I needed help with anything it was just like yeah that sucks 😕 and that’s it. I was sick recently and one of my friends I told I was sick never responded to my message and then I go on IG two days later to see she’s on vacation with her bf and then she calls me when she gets back a week later and not once asked me if I was feeling better but immediately started talking about a situation with her bf 🙃 like okayyyyyy

So I think that’s def going to be a major Pluto in aqua theme for me. I just need to actually sit down and figure out what I want my friendships to look like.

I feel like I already do for them what I’m looking for so I know I’m not asking for a lot! And I did think about my people pleaser tendencies and it wasn’t even about that like someone sharing an achievement and me going “we should go here to celebrate!” But me sharing an achievement and just getting the congrats text with confetti and if I want to celebrate I gotta say I want to go celebrate let’s go here like 😀 and even for my bday last year I was fresh off no contact with my mom obviously distressed and no one offered any options for my bday when it was less than a week before and I was saying I literally have no idea what to do I’m overwhelmed they just kept asking did you plan it yet? So I ended up just picking a random place for brunch lol but it felt like too much to be like “can someone plan my bday for me?” 💀 my take on it is very if they wanted to they would

It’s 4:44

I think it relates to my family too bc from the way their lives have turned out I have this fear of not having any friends bc they don’t have any friends in their 50s 60s and continuously tell me how lonely it is and to make sure that never happens to me and to make sure I keep all my friends lol no pressure! But tbh the reason they don’t have any friends is bc I don’t think they were friends with those people to begin with they were just in proximity and they did not actually care about each other.

I wonder what’s going to show up between Sept 1 - Nov 19 2024 when Pluto goes back into cap and reenters aqua for the next 20 years bc my bday happens in that gap and there’s always something surrounding my bday!!

[shrekgogurt]

Thank you for the tags today @artsyunderstudy @cutestkilla @you-remind-me-of-the-babe and Sunday @theearlgreymage @fatalfangirl

I have been strong-armed by @larkral although I wasn’t originally planning to post today because I haven’t written all that much and felt bad about it. In fact, I’m very grateful that @martsonmars posted about focusing on writing as a hobby because reading through their post and comments helped me take a little bit of pressure off myself too.

Here is some from “Escape to Space” which is pretty slow-going right now ACK!:

“Baz…” Snow wavers like he actually is injured again, “You’re wearing jeans.”

I tilt my head, “I am. And your hand is still down your pants.”

He immediately throws both arms in the air like some fugitive caught red-handed, “It’s not- I’m not- my sword!”

It takes him a moment, but then he grows even redder.

“Not my sword, but my sword. Like my actual blade.”

And here is actually some from a remix of @yellobb “48 Hours of Hell” I may never publish/finish but exists mainly for me to work out my own past 48 Hour Film Fest angst lol:

Penny thinks I’m jealous of Baz. Of course I’m jealous but I’m never admitting it out loud. He’s rich. He’s talented. But, I’m convinced he’s only talented because he’s rich. If I had his resources I’m sure I’d book gigs filming weddings and concerts and my ex-girlfriend's sorority recruitment video. Instead, I have to rent out all my equipment from the same place I bust my ass for minimum wage. Well, fine. It’s not a challenging job. I get to work on my homework during most shifts. Still, Baz is one of those music tech majors who thinks he’s a god for being in the conservatory and treats media production majors like bumbling idiots. It pisses me off.

Anywho I hope you all are live, laugh, and loving it up! I’m gonna go grab some dinner with friends and try to start the semester off strong! I don’t know if y’all have published today but idk I’m just going to throw out some usernames @ileadacharmedlife @moodandmist @onepintobean @palimpsessed @raenestee @simonsnowsfreckles @thewriterxj (BECAUSE I’M LOVING YOUR CURRENT SEASON TO TASTE WIP EVERYONE GO READ IT YOU ARE LEGALLY REQUIRED BY LAW FOR READING THIS POST) okayyyyyy byeeeeee

[k3rm1e]

heyo!! i was wondering if you would mind writing hc’s for a reader who just had a major accomplishment but their parents don’t really congratulate them or anything, and then philza celebrates with them instead and tells reader how proud he is. i kinda want some dadza comfort rn :’) anyway, thank you sm!! have a great day <3

accomplishments

heyo!! i was wondering if you would mind writing hc’s for a reader who just had a major accomplishment but their parents don’t really congratulate them or anything, and then philza celebrates with them instead and tells reader how proud he is. i kinda want some dadza comfort rn :’) anyway, thank you sm!! have a great day <3

hello anon! i’m sorry i took a while to answer this. i went a bit off track with this and got A LOT more angsty, so i’m really sorry about that. If you want me to make a much more fluffier or mellowed-out version, i’d be happy to. please, read the trigger warnings before reading this.

i don’t plan on writing more angst-y things like this, especially not this angsty, so don’t worry. once again, please, if you would like me to rewrite this into a less emotional version i’d be happy to

cw: swearing

tw: talk of god and the church, slight manipulation, repetition of words

accomplishments:

  holy shit. you were in disbelief. a state of shock. one million twitch followers. one. million. followers. you were silent. shock can have many effects on a person. some scream and laugh out of joy, or a misplaced sense of mania. others cry, because they cannot handle it. some remain confused, because their brains are unable to conceptualize the event. you were silent.

  what should you do? would a “thank you” tweet be good enough or would it come off as insincere? should you wait to stream? or would that make people feel you didn’t care because you took so long? through the anxiety you could feel the true realization that you now had one million followers. like a truck, you were hit with the most excited feeling ever. getting up, you jumped around your room. you spun and jumped and cheered and whooped and yelled and smiled and danced and were overflowing with joy, with the acknowledgement that you had done it, you had really fucking done it. 

  opening the window above your desk, without a single fuck, you screamed. “WHOOOOOOOO!!!!!!! FUCK YEAH!!!!!!” let’s just hope your neighbors don’t wake up.

  you stayed up all night, celebrating. tweeting out a thank you, you received congratulations from your fans and friends while you talked with the people in your discord vcs.

  in the morning, your mother and father had woken up. with a newfound determination, you ran downstairs. streaming was your passion and you wanted to tell the world what you had done. but, because of limitations, your mother was your metaphorical world.

  “mom! mom! mom! mother, mother, mumther!!” you shouted, dashing down the stairs, tripping over your feet. stupid wood flooring and slidy socks.

  from your place at the bottom of the stairs, you heard her sigh, “yes, sweetie?”

  you bounded over to her, setting your arms on the kitchen counter. from the hallway you could see your dad, who was sitting on the couch drinking his sunday morning coffee. “mom! guess what?” without giving her time to respond, you shouted, “i hit one million follows on twitch! one freaking million!”.

  your mother didn’t seem as enthusiastic as you. “is that why you were causing such a ruckus last night? and, watch your mouth, even though ‘freaking’ isn’t a ‘true’ curse, i don’t want you swearing. especially not on the lord’s day. i couldn’t fathom going to church everyday, only to allow you to have a mouth like that.” she continued to stare at her work papers.

  “oh, uh, okay mother. dad? did you hear me? i hit one million on twitch.” you awkwardly turned your head over to your father.

  “she’s right, you know that, don’t you sweetie?” your father stood up, and made his way into the kitchen. “language like that, it’s shameful. surely, we don’t need you to have a private session with father paulson, do we?” your dad stood next to your mother, rubbing her back as he stared at you.

  “no, no, of course not. um, i’m gonna go upstairs now.” you turned around, wishing you could simply disappear.

  “without breakfast? are you truly that upset with us? we can’t have you ending up like those people, committing sinful acts and going to hell. god would never forgive you. we’re already taking a risk allowing you to stream, putting yourself out there.”

  both your mother and father stared at you. your blood felt like ice in your veins. the white walls of your house seemed so much brighter, yet duller at the same time. everything felt a white-pure-pink-orange. your breathing got uneasy. choppy. in, out, out, in, in, in, out, in, in, out, out for different increments of time. 5, 3, 2, 7, 10, 9, 6, 4, 1, 6, 8, seconds, over and over and over.

  “we just wanna protect you, dear. we love you, don’t you get that?” your mother stared at you.

  you felt like a scene in those movies. the ones that directly cater to teens who thought their lives were shit when in reality they just hadn’t grown up enough to make sense of something yet. were you one of those teens? or is this actually wrong. you don’t think it is, but you don’t talk to others about this. family matters stay in the family was a common phrase repeated in your household. the church was family, they could know. your mother and father, they could know. others, they must not know, never know.

  “of course, mother, father.” you wanted to force yourself to speak, but syllables were incapable of getting past your lips. your mouth was full of peanut butter from the sandwiches served in your elementary school cafeteria. but, the partly frozen chocolate milk always washed it down. “of course. i love you guys too. love you.” you smiled, a disgusting smile that felt violating to exist on your face, violating, violating, violating.

  you dashed up the stairs, to your room, up, up, up. running in, you wanted to slam the door, scream out the window, puch your pillow, smash your pc, cry, whatever you could do to get out your emotions. but instead, you lightly shut your door and slowly walked over to your desk chair to see who was online. you would go live later. it was only 5 AM, after all. they could wait. at least, you hoped they could.

  opening discord, just to see what everyone was doing, you saw philza minecraft was online. you went over and messaged him, ‘phil. philza. philza minecraft. vc please?’ in response, you received a short, ‘sure m8, gimme a minute’ you waited, until you heard the noise confirming he had joined.

  “good morning phil.” your energy from before had receded back into the confines of your chest. the prior excitement was gone and replaced with a feeling of fatigue.

  “morning mate, how are you? congrats on the one mill!” phil sounded excited, happy for you. you smiled, chuckling a bit.

  “i’m alright man, just tired. how are you? and, thanks for the congrats.” you smiled, feeling the fatigue set in.

  “i’m good. but you, you don’t sound very good. couldn’t sleep, could ya’? that was how i was when i hit one mill. way too excited to sleep.”

  “yeah. yeah, i’m just tired.” you were getting a bit too tired to talk. the day had barely started, and yet the full-body emotional exhaustion had set.

  “‘just tired’? the hell happened kid?” phil’s voice sounded concerned. fuck. the last thing you wanted to do was worry him. he had his own life and you had already caused enough trouble today.

  “it’s nothing big phil, seriously. just my parents.” there, a slight bit of information. family matters still within the family, just a few words.

  “they being shitbirds? or are you lying, and something big did happen?” he was being inquisitive, which was dangerous. questions were dangerous.

  “no, why would i lie?” his inquisitiveness would continue, you knew. so you spilled the metaphorical beans. “they just, just weren’t as supportive as i’d wished they were when i told them. i was really psyched, y’know? and them, just sort of, not giving a shit? i don’t know man, it just feels bad.”

  “i get you. it’s shit, when people don’t care about your accomplishments. my parents never really saw streaming as a true profession in the beginning, which led to shit like you describing. i promise it gets better though, even if it feels like shit now. and, for what it’s worth, i’m proud of you.”

  “it’s fine phil, you don’t need to try to make me feel better. i’m okay, seriously.” you didn’t need or want his pity. accepting it would feel patronizing.

  “no, you need to understand that i’m not fucking around. one million is a big fuckin’ thing, especially for you who hasn’t been streaming all that long to achieve. it’s fucking amazing, mate. be proud of yourself, for christ’s sake.” his fake anger chimed through your headphones. even though you were being berated, you still felt better.

  “thank you, phil. i needed that.”

  “your welcome, mate. and look, anytime your parents are being shit, don’t try to hold it all in. call me, or wil, or someone, okay? don’t hold that shit in.”

  you fake sighed, just to piss him off. “okayyyyyy….”

  “good. now, go take a nap or some shit. i love you, kid.”

  “love you too, dadza.” this time, your words didn’t feel forced. the smile on your face wasn’t violating, but an invitation to better times. it would be alright. okay.

[kishimoto-did-us-dirty]

Naruto Arts School AU

Reposting bc I love this post and bc I can lol

Character

- major

description

Naruto

-Drums

okie nobody can deny that our main boy over here is a loud soul, however, he can also carry a damn good beat that compliments his band mates’ music really well. Tbh, he sucked at music to begin with and had trouble matching rhythms and listening to his band mates when they played, however he eventually became a really good rhythm maker.

Sasuke

-Guitar (lead)

He’d be assigned to the same band as Naruto, and that’s how they met. This boy is a damn good guitarist y’all, but has attitude problems™, and used to not be able to deal with Naruto’s haphazard beat making, thus perpetuating a rivalry between the two. He constantly feels overshadowed by his elder brother Itachi, a piano major.

Sakura

- Dance

Ya girl fucking demolishes every single dance routine. Initially starting out with a focus on ballet (pre-shippuden in canon), our pink headed queen soon realized that she wasn’t getting the full experience of what it meant to dance. Her point shoes were her loves, however they hurt and nipped in places not just physical. She realized that she didn’t want to be pigeonholed into a genre of which she would be inhibited by standard, and rather to dance so as to forget technical perfection. Thus, what would partner with post-shippuden Sakura in canon, Art School AU Sakura got into hip-hop. And bitch, she goes hard. A lot of the other girls who she used to dance ballet with admire her for her absolutely BODYING her dance routines, but also for never sacrificing her femininity to dance and not taking BS for being a girl who goes so hard in a male-dominated genre. (Some people believe that hip-hop is heavy hitting and a little metaphorically “dark” so to speak, which Sakura is not. So obviously I expect a little disagreement regarding this, however if you look at people like Delaney Glazer or Kaycee Rice, that is how Sakura would dance).

Hinata

- Creative Writing

Shy and bookworm-like, Hinata can write the best poetry, romance and adventure pieces out of all the creative-writing majors. She’s especially good at writing character relationships and development, and has such a subtle sense of intelligent wit in her writing, that if you blinked you would miss it. However should you catch it, you’re sure to chuckle. Her only struggle is that she tends to drag on in important scenes, stretching them against the regular flow of the rest of her writing. Needs validation for her writing through an IV drip.

Kiba

- Drums OR Photography

Drums for obvious reasons (loud and obnoxious), although ruff boi looks good with a camera, too. Great at landscapes and street photography.

Shino

- Creative Writing OR Photography

I could definitely see Shino having fucking beautiful handwriting, and being a beast at writing anything within the sci-fi realm. I could also see him doing some journalism, and writing for the school paper. He’s very good at the logic of his sci-fi books and coming up with logical but enrapturing stories, that intermingle knowledge and mystery. He’s a very specific type of read, however, and may not appeal to all, however if you enjoy anything similar to Star Wars or Hitchhikers guide to the galaxy, then Shino is your author. If this doesn’t float your boat, though, try photography-major Shino. He can get the best angles of bugs he sees, and has an extensive portfolio with entomology-related snapshots.

Ino

- Dance

Like Sakura, she, too, began with a focus on ballet, however began to branch out into contemporary ballet a little later than Sakura. This is another reason why Sakura switched her focuses, as she and Ino had always had a fierce rivalry for dieting (ballet dancers are pressured to be as thin as possible) as well as battling for technical perfection when they were ballet focused. As the two grew, Ino focused more so on contemporary, but can certainly do some hip-hop with Sakura every now and then, just as Sakura occasionally takes a contemporary class with her. The two still have a rivalry, however, just not to the previous extent as when they were actively competing against each other. They’re more like sisters.

Shikamaru

- Guitar (bass) OR Creative Writing OR Architecture

Smart boy’s a tricky one. He would either be a bassist, a mystery and historical fiction writer, or, of his school offers it, be great at architecture. Idrk.

Choji

- ermmmmm….. maybe graphic design? Tech theatre (props)? Vocal???

Choji is hARD dwnccnpc (that’s what she said). I could see him behind a computer screen, animating and designing games/covers/posters or whatever. He could also do something in theatre, but I don’t think he would do anything up on stage. Something like props would suit him. He might do something in music, tho???? Can he sing???? Help???

UPDATE: Choji is a band kid. He plays tuba or some shit. Big boy got big lungs.

Tenten

- Dance

Always has been, and always will be a hip-hop dancer. She wanted to be like Tsunade, a legendary dancer and followed in her footsteps, taking up hip-hop. (that’s why Sakura focused on hip-hop, too, because Tsunade mentored her and taught a few of her classes, too). Tenten is fast and can keep up with any beat. Not only is she a great dancer, but she’s also athletic, and does track and field (cross country), football, and softball at another school too, since the arts schools doesn’t offer it. Overall great dancer with styl. She’s really looked up to by some of her underclassmen for her cheery, but badass style and skill.

Lee

- DANCE (hip-hop, too)

It’s sweat. It’s burn. It’s energy. It’s Lee.

Neji

- Violin

First chair violinist in his freshman year for the school’s philharmonic orchestra. He be extra like that.

Gaara

- Guitar (bass)

He had a lonely childhood with neglectful/abusive parents, and rock music really helped him with that. Emo music is emo and often made fun of, but the songs have messages and Gaara related, so self-taught himself the bass guitar to help cope, and bring him closer to the music that salvaged him.

Kankuro

-Art

Specifically sculpting. For obvious reasons.

Temari

- Acting

Girl can make you cry with some of her monologues. Total lead. Has a seriousness in her acting that makes her believable, however can falter on the less-serious roles. She may also double-major in whatever Shikamaru does. And she’s better at it than him.

Itachi

-Piano

Boy could play any etude at age 7. Performed at Carnegie Hall when he was 10. And no, he didn’t pay to play there. The hall invited him. Began composing at 9. Has perfect pitch. Owns international awards. If he’s not at school it’s because he’s traveling to play for crowds. He excels at classical and baroque, however has an ear for romantic, and enjoys playing/composing pieces either written or inspired by romantic pieces. Enjoys Schumann, Debussy, and Tchaikovsky. Hates modern classical music, though. Can only take cinematic pieces composed by people like Williams, however can’t stand Prokofiev at all. He does like modern music, though, so long as it’s outside of the orchestral/classical music realm. He likes R&B. He would have liked to do film with Shisui, particularly producing, however his parents pressure him with piano, so he helps Shisui with student films and projects outside of school (will probably pursue film after graduating, tho).

Shisui

- FILM / VIDEO PRODUCTION

Fight me on this!!! THIS BOY IS SO GOOD AT CINEMATOGRAPHY MY FILMMAKING ASS CAN’T EVEN. AS SOMEONE WHO IS IN LOVE WITH FILMOGRAPHY, TRUST ME, SHISUI HAS IT™. THE IT™. HE’S GOOD AT EVERYTHING. CINEMATOGRAPHY. DIRECTING. SCREENWRITING. GRIP-WORK. EDITING. PRODUCING. HE’S SUCH A FILM NERD TOO, AND WATCHES OLD FILMS ALL THE TIME. HE’S JUST TOO GOOD AT IT. DOES STREET PHOTOGRAPHY TOO. HE’S OVERALL A GENIUS WITH CAMERAS. Does film with Itachi outside of school and teaches him, and the two are overall geniuses at filmography. They want to start their own studio together (they do, and it becomes huge). He becomes a leading director, while Itachi becomes a producer and directs sometimes too.

Sasori, Deidara, and Sai

Guess.

Kakashi

- Saxophone

It’s the only thing that suits him and it suits him so well. Has suave.

Obito (omfg his arms y'all)

- Not to say drums or anything, but…. drums.

Narutard 2.0. But he also dabbles in other areas of music. Like, he can also play guitar and sing. He’s also pretty good at music production. Makes R&B sometimes. He wasn’t always the best musician but proved to be a late bloomer, and really harnessed his potential. Tries to be as suave as Kakashi and his saxophone. He isn’t.

Hashirama

- Vocal

OkaYYYYYY. VOCAL GOD. CAN DO RIFFS AND RUNS AND HAS PERFECT PITCH. ALSO THE SWEETEST GUY??? WAS A CHAMBER SINGER AS A FRESHMAN. EVERYONE LOVES HIM, GOOD BOY ENERGY.

Likes to belt.

Madara

- Piano

Total prodigy, but hates classical music. Once was accompanist to Hashirama for a solo vocal performance and hasn’t been left alone since.

Tobirama

- Viola or Cello

Some sort of string instrument and takes it very seriously. Probably plays cello because violas are violas and that’s lame (if you know, you know). Has almost as many awards as Itachi and Madara, but hates his usual piano accompanist, Izuna.

Izuna

- Piano

Also a piano god. The uchihas breed them. Hates being accompanist for Tobirama. They’re secretly best friends though, don’t tell anyone.

Karin

- Tech Theatre.

Idk why. Probably started out with props and made her way up to TD (technical director) in senior year.

Suigetsu

- Tech Theatre

Fucking hates theatre kids. Assistant TD. Karin hates him.

Jugo

- Visual Art

Paints landscapes and nature. Really good with oils and gouache respectively.

Yamato

- lmao Trumpet.

Met Kakashi since they both play brass, but boy he ain’t got that suave. That’s why he plays trumpet. Lmao he plays the fucking trumpet anjdwcnojdnn.

Rin

- Vocal

Sweetest voice and could also play the acoustic guitar when she sang. Died in a car accident junior year. Kakashi was at the wheel when they got hit by a drunk driver. Obito saw the whole thing.

Kurenai

- Visual Art

Can create dream like paintings that almost seem like illusions.

Asuma

- Cello / guitar

Used to play cello because of his parents, but loves to play guitar. Can sing but his voice is raspy from smoking.

Gai

Who the fuck do you think teaches dance?

Jiraiya

- Guitar (lead)

Used to major in lead guitar. Sucked at first. Probably has a couple, casual Grammy Awards (they’re actually not that hard to be awarded with, The Recording Academy award many people outside of mainstream media. My school has a few). Now teachers as head of the Band department at this school.

Tsunade

-Dance

Legendary dancer. Probably toured with a few famous people. Now teaches. Mentored Sakura, and mentored Ino but for a shorter time.

Orochimaru

- Idk, didgeridoo, or some shit

Definitely a wood wind. Flute maybe??? Teaches now but no one knows what he does. Pedophile. Has a thing for Sasuke.

[blackmissfrizzle]

The Sacrifice

Summary: Dean finds out the reader is a virgin. Based on 3x12 

Characters: Dean x black!reader

A/N: So, I’m basically doing a series rewrite of my favorite episodes. This is is based on the the reader’s and Dean’s relationship through the years. Its based on A Match Made in Hell Series.  I’m not doing this in a linear order, but I’ll make a separate masterlist for this series and put the fics in order.

When you get the chance, you’re putting a bullet right between that British bitch’s eyes. Bela had managed to steal the colt and get the boys arrested by Agent Henricksen. The only reason that you weren’t in a cell with the boys is, that Henricksen could never physically tie you to the boys except for your Stanford connection with Sam.  So, all he could do was call you to “consult” on the case.

“Where are you going Agent Y/L/N?” Henricksen stopped you on the way to the cell. At the sound of his voice, your body immediately went stiff. Agent Henricksen wouldn’t be too bad if he wasn’t so focus on locking up Sam and Dean, but you also understood from his point of view. With his limited knowledge and evidence, it all points to the boys being devil worshipping, psychopathic killers.

“To talk to an old friend and try to figure out how’s he connected to all this. That’s what you wanted me here for, right?” You cocked your head to the side, annoyance clear on your face.

Henricksen slowly approached you, trying to make himself seem bigger to intimidate you. Too bad for him, nothing scares you anymore, but you won’t let him know that. “Yeah, I brought you here so I can see your face when you see that your best friend and your boyfriend are finally locked up in a maximum-security prison.” He searches your face a reaction, but you didn’t give him one. “It may take me awhile, but one day I’m gonna get the evidence and then it’ll be you sitting in a jail cell.”

Throwing up the peace sign, you sauntered off. “Good luck with that, Henricksen,” you yelled over your shoulder.

—

“And why is that a good thing?” You questioned Dean after hearing him brag to Sam that they got a hit out on them.

“Because we’re awesome, that’s why.” You rolled your eyes at his arrogance. “Hey, why didn’t the demon go after you?”

In a blink of an eye, you flashed your eyes to black. “Oh, I forgot, you’re their precious half demon spawn.”

Ignoring his little snub, you pointed to Dean’s gun shot wound. “How’s the shoulder?”

“Eh, I’ll live. That’s if we don’t get killed first.”

Sam rolled his eyes at his brother before turning to you. “Is there any way you can get us out of here, Y/N/N?”

“No,” you sighed deeply. “Henricksen’s watching me like a hawk. He’s ready to throw me in a cell with you guys.”

“Well, ain’t that just peachy,” Dean muttered to the side.

The sheriff walked in on your discussion. It seemed that he was in a daze as he unlocked the boys’ cell, ordering them to leave. All three you were suspicious, and the boys refused to leave.

Before you could order the sheriff to get out Agent Henricksen came to do the same. However, nothing got settled because Henricksen put a bullet in the sheriff’s head.

Sam wrestled the gun away from him and began performing an exorcism while you and Dean held back the deputy.

Right before Sam sent the demon to hell, he screamed that it was too late and that more were coming.

“I shot the sheriff,” Henricksen confessed.

“But you didn’t shoot the deputy,” Dean joked, which earned him a kick to the back of his knees from you.

—

*Dean’s POV*

My eyes find her while I’m in the office with Henricksen. She’s talking to the secretary with that warm smile on her face that magically seems to calm everyone down despite being in the worst of situations. I’m too damn worried about her to focus on anything else despite the fact she needs no protection and can kick my ass to kingdom come.

“Scratch that. You just don’t have your brother. You got Y/N.” Henricksen interrupted my thoughts.

“We’re not together. Just friends.” I admitted, even though I wanted so much more than that. Its just my luck to fall in love with a girl when I have less than a year to live.

“Okayyyyyy.” Disbelief was soaking in his response. “What’s the deal with her anyway? How does a rich kid like her end up hunting with you two?”

I stopped cleaning my gun and gave him a hard glare. “Not my story to tell but know this: she’s probably our best way out of this situation.”

Henricksen was about to say something when we heard a loud crash outside. Both us plus everyone else ran to see Ruby caught in the Devil’s trap. Raising his gun to her, Henricksen asked how we kill her.

“We don’t. She’s here to help us.” Sam forced Henricksen’s gun down and opened the Devil’s trap. Me and Y/N traded annoyed looks. Neither one of us could stand Ruby. Y/N just kept her annoyance quiet unlike me. It was already hard to trust Ruby, because she was a damn demon, but if sweet Y/N doesn’t like someone then that’s a major red flag.

--

*Reader’s POV*

Great, there’s 30 demons out there ready to kill Sam and Dean. You’re pretty sure you could get through all of them, but you’ll be pretty banged up in the end. You were tuned out of the conversation, figuring out a plan of attack until you heard Lilith’s name.

“Lilith?” you repeated to Ruby.

“Yup. And she really, really wants Sam’s intestines on a stick. ‘Cause she sees him as competition.” Ruby informed us of Sam’s new nemesis.

“You knew about this?” A very pissed off Dean questioned Sam. “Well, gee, Sam, is there anything else I should know?”

Before they could get any further into an argument, you intervened. “Sam, you should’ve told us. Lilith’s no joke.” You weren’t gonna let Sam off the hook, but also you weren’t gonna rail into him like Dean was trying to.

Sam ignored Dean and looked to you with a face full of guilt. “How do you know about Lilith?”

“My dad talked about her all the time. He always told me that me and her could be a force to be reckoned with.” Just the thought of the many talks you had with your father had you bothered. He always tried to make it appealing that you were some kind of demonic second coming. At least this talk you remembered was helpful.

“I thought your parents were dead?” Henricksen asked.

You looked over shoulder and threw out, “My adoptive parents are. My real dad’s a demon and alive.”

Henricksen, Nancy, and the deputy gasped. You forgot that they just learned of the existence of demons and your lineage could be a bit troubling. “Relax. I’m only half and hate demons probably more than anyone else in this room.” The three of them eyed you cautiously, but that calming effect you had on people led them to believe you.

“Well, now that we got that out of the way. Where’s the colt?” If you had tea at that moment, you definitely would’ve been sipping it. Both of the boys tried to avoid Ruby’s gaze and when she looked at you, you furrowed your brows at her for even questioning you for losing it.

“It got stolen.” Ruby just about had a bitch fit when Sam admitted the truth. She was one insult away from you punching her in her gotdamned mouth, when Dean pulled you back and shook his head no.

But, thank the lucky stars, Ruby knew a spell. It would blow the demons out of the bodies, including Ruby, so it didn’t seem too bad; until she said she needed a virgin, specifically a heart of a virgin. And sweet Nancy still wanted to go through with it, but you couldn’t let an innocent sacrifice herself.

“I’ll do it,” you blurted out. All eyes turned to you and everyone was surprised except Sam. He remembered when you confided to him back at Stanford that you said that you were waiting til marriage.

“No way. Come on, you, you watch porn and you tease me all the fucking time.” Dean claimed.

“One, how else am I supposed to get my rocks off? Virgins are horny too. And two, its fun to see you turn red.”

Ruby seemed a little too happy with your decision to sacrifice yourself, but everyone else was heavily against it, except Sam. Dean tried to dissuade him, but you and him knew it was the best option.

“It’s my decision, D,” you told him.

“Damn straight, cherry pie,” Ruby replied with a smirk.

“Stop! Stop! Nobody kill any virgins!” Dean grabbed your hand and pulled you away and ordered Sam into a hallway for a talk. Normally, you made yourself scarce when they had these talks, but you guessed since you were offering yourself up, Dean thought it must’ve been a good idea to include you.

“Tell me you two are not seriously considering this.”

Sam and you both traded solemn looks. It sucked but it was necessary. “And we’re also talking about 30 people out there, Dean, innocent people who are all gonna die, along with everyone in here.” Sam argued back.

“It’s a numbers game, Dean. 1 life vs. 30. If you were in my shoes, you’d do the same.” Hell, Dean already did it. He’d offered up his life for Sam’s. How the hell is this any different?

“It doesn’t mean we throw out the rule book. I’m not gonna let that demon bitch kill the kindest person I know, who I might add hasn’t even been laid!”

“Then what? What do we do, Dean?”

“I got a plan. I’m not saying it’s a good one I’m not even saying that it’ll work. But it sure as hell beats killing our virgin best friend.”

“What’s the plan,” you and Sam asked simultaneously.

“Open the doors, let them all in, and we fight.”

Dean’s plan may be a little crazy, but it could work. Ruby was pissed at the suggestion and left. Her plan would for sure leave everyone alive except me. Offended that we didn’t go with her plan and refusing to watch us lose, Ruby left.

--

It worked. Dean’s plan actually worked. We were able to trap all the demon’s inside the station and played a tape of Sam saying the exorcism. It helped that you could hold 10 demons on your own, so the rest were left to Sam, Dean and Henricksen.

“Coming with?” Dean asked before him and Sam left.

“Nah, I gotta stay. Technically, I came with the FBI now I gotta write a report on how you two died on the helicopter. Yay me!” You hated writing reports and now this one was going to take longer, because you and Henricksen had to get your lies together.

The boys gave you a sympathetic look and made you promise to contact them once you got home before they left.

The remaining of you, began cleaning the station when a little girl came into the station. Your spidey senses started tingling and you moved a bit closer to Nancy. The little girl said she was looking for two brothers: one’s really tall and one’s really cute.

When Nancy asked her, her name, she responded, “Lilith.” You tried to attack the her, but soon you felt two sets of arms around you and you were teleported out of the station. It was your dad and his lackey, Brixton.

“Get off of me!” You yelled, just in time to see the police station overcome with a blinding white light.

Deep in your soul, you knew Henricksen and the rest were dead. What other reason would your dad save you?

“Calm down, princess.” Brixton said, fighting you off.

It wasn’t beneath your father to use dirty moves, so he grabbed you by your curls and threw you to the ground. “Calm your ass down, before I make you tell me where the Winchesters are and kill them myself!”

Quickly, you got up and wiped the dirt off you. “Why’d you save me?”

“Lilith’s orders. And I suggest you get used to the idea of a life without the Winchesters. Dean’s year is about to be up, and Lilith is gonna kill Sam sooner or later. Its just a matter of time.”

“Not if I can help it.” You claimed.

With a sweet kiss to the top of your head that betrayed his demonic nature, your dad whispered, “It’ll happen. Save yourself the heartbreak, baby girl.” And just like that he disappeared.

--

*Dean’s POV*

Sam and I were relaxing when we heard a knock on our motel door. It was Ruby. Damn, will we ever get rid of her? I’m tired of looking at her bitchy face.

As usual, she came in bossing us around. She told us to turn on the news. Supposedly, there was a gas main rupture that led to explosion at the sheriff’s station. The news anchor said everyone died, but one person did survive.

Please let it be Y/N, please let it be Y/N, please let it be Y/N, please let it be Y/N, I thought. It may be shitty, but I couldn’t bare the thought of losing her. Henricksen, the other FBI agents, the deputy, the sheriff, and even the freaking virgin secretary were dead, but I didn’t see Y/N’s face on the screen.

Just as Ruby was railing into us, there was another knock on the door, and I ran to open it. There she was standing there, tears running down her face. Probably feeling guilty that she was alive while the others were dead.

“I couldn’t save them,” Y/N whispered before her knees buckled. I caught her just before her she hit the ground.

Ruby threw us some hex bags that’ll help get Lilith off our trail. But I wanted to throw it back at her, just to get her to stop complaining how our plan sucked ass.

“And now look, your precious little virgin is having a mental breakdown, because even she knows you guys messed up.”

“Leave.” I ordered. I wasn’t gonna let her upset Y/N anymore than she already was. Ruby got one look at my deadly glare and took the hint, that if she didn’t leave right at that moment, she’d be dead. Sam followed her to make sure she leaves and to give me and Y/N some space. Over time, me and Y/N grew closer, especially now that Sam’s all buddy buddy with Ruby. It wasn’t unusual for her or me to go to the other to find comfort after a bad hunt.

This time I had no words for her. As much as I was hurting that we couldn’t save Henricksen and the rest, I think I would be hurting much worse if it was her, we lost instead, but I can’t tell her that. So, instead I just held her until she cried herself to sleep, hoping that in the morning I can find the right words.

Tags: @titty-teetee @cocooned-butterfly @nervouspetsonanime @thefaithfulwriter @meishaabae @dannixchristian @blacknthemix @mml232

[theblackbooknerd]

Game Of Thrones: Season 7 episode 6 non spoiler review: Starkbowl, The blue eyed army, Jon Snow (King of my heart), A dragon or two, A tale of the hammerless Gendry, A love song for Tormund and me being absolutely done with Game of Thrones. Because I'm not ready to die and the show wants to kill me.

Note: Even though this is a non spoilery review, it may contain spoilers which will be noted/indicated before they are revealed. All thoughts are just my personal observations and opinions.

Firstly, let’s talk about Arya and Sansa- because that’s some BS right there and I can’t even; at first, I thought Arya and Sansa were playing littlefinger. But from this episode, I am now unsure. D&D, do you truly expect me to believe that these two sisters who haven’t seen each other in years, believed most of their family members to be dead and had no one and nowhere to call home would honestly be fighting like this? I can understand if there were only a slight atmosphere of distrust and/or caution- they didn’t get along even as children and of course now that they’re grown up they’d be trying to get a better feel of eachother, but all full blown bloody starkbowl is not what I had in mind. I mean [SPOILER] Arya (essentially) only threatened to kill Sansa [SPOILER] by saying she could wear her face (can you wear the face of someone living?). I mean maybe threatened is too harsh a word? But Arya’s intention in that scene was certainly to intimidate Sansa. It was working very well. But bravo to my Sansa (Queen of my heart and my Kings heart), for standing her ground. My point is, I find this very unrealistic and if it’s not a ploy planned by my Stark girls, I very well hope they band together in the end (which they will). I just want my baby’s to understand and recognise each others struggle and bloody love eachother.

Now let’s move on to the King of my heart: Jon “I am a King” Snow. Sigh. Jon oh Jon. Why oh why would you do that? No, seriously. I’m very very angry. I saw this coming of course ( I read the spoilers- shame on me). But I seriously can’t even comprehend what you think you’re doing. I WAS ROOTING FOR YOU, WE WERE ALL ROOTING FOR YOU. [MAJOR SPOILER] There was absolutely no need for you to “bend” the knee. She had promised to help you fight the white walkers. She was going to help you fight the blue eyed demons. Soooooooooooooo why did you do that. [Spoiler] My Queen- YOU ONLY KNOW ONE TRUE QUEEN IN THE NORTH WHO’S NAME IS STARK. Sigh. I don’t get where this sudden affection for Dani has come from. It was literally non existent before. It’s either due to his gratitude for her help. Orrrrrrrrr he’s playing the game. He’s killed the boy, recognised her great affection for him, and has decided to use it to his advantage. He’s killed the boy. Hopefully it’s that latter, but I can imagine it being a mix of both. Furthermore Jon Snow, I am very cross with you, but I love you and trust you enough to know that when we are at the end, your duty to the North, to your family, to your one true Queen Sansa Stark will override everything. Including Dani. You’re a man of your word Jon snow. A man of your word.

Ah, Dany. Now this episode, Dany’s character intrigued me immensely. I’m going to start with her wardrobe choice. When she went to help our gang, she transitioned back in to her lighter coloured clothing (to show that she’s actually doing something selfless for the first time in ages). But as soon as she gets back to the boat, she has changed back in to her darker attire (to represent the dark path she’s still walking on). Nothing in GOT is a coincidence, they’ve done this on purpose. To foreshadow. To mirror her actions. I repeat nothing is a coincidence. They even throw in the conversation with Tyrion. Tyrion’s begging her not to go- to do nothing. Not because he wants our blue-eyed demon fighting companions to die- oh no. He does it because he loves her and he’s scared and he doesn’t want to lose her. But Dani refuses. She has to go. She has to help them. Why is this conversation thrown in? I think it’s to give us hope. Last episode Tyrion and Vary’s are having that whole conversation where they are convincing themselves (mostly Tyrion) that what she did to the Tarly’s (my poor Dickon), was justified. When Tyrion says she isn’t her father, Vary’s replies she never will be with the correct consul. And here in episode 6, we perhaps see the earlier version of Dany. Helping people because she wants too, because she sees it as a duty, because it’s the right thing to do. Not the Dany we’ve been seeing recently: a Dani obsessed with the iron throne because she believes it’s her birth right (lol- R+L= J. Targbowl is really on the horizon). And it gives us hope. Perhaps she makes questionable decisions, but she is still good. Nope. As soon as we’re back on the boat, back in to her dark attire to represent her dark path. I mean think about it, [SPOILER], if they wanted to paint her as this truly good leader, why accept Jon bending the knee? If she had said no, I’ll help you either way, no my faith in her would’ve been fully restored. Because she’d be helping Jon not because she got something out of it, but because she recognises the threat the white walkers pose is too real to ignore. I have a love/hate relationship with Dany. I don’t hate Dany, I love her in the way that I love Cersei- not because she’s a good person, because she’s a complex one. When her and Tyrion discuss what happened with the Tarly’s, she calls it necessary. When Tyrion explains other ways they could’ve dealt with it- SHE DISREGARDS HIM. Sigh. There’s so much I could say about Dani but honestly, I’m just not bothered.

The blue eyed army- also known as the White walkers. This paragraph will include spoilers in essentially every sentence, so I suggest you just skip this one. Okayyyyyy- let’s talk about The King of the Blues- or the night King. Whatever. Same thing. This guy is BADASS OKAY. [SPOILERS FROM HERE UNTIL THE END OF THE WHITE WALKER PARAGRAPH] The way he killed Viserion on his first attempt? Yeahhhhhh byeeeeeee. Dude’s just too cool for school. He’s too cool for the North. He’s just cool in general to be honest. I really can’t wait until season 8 and the rest of the books to find out what the WW’s true purpose is. I’m really interested to find out. They really killed my baby Benjen. Who deserved so much more in life- YOU SEE JON. BENJEN DIDN’T DIE FOR YOU TO BEND THE FRICKING KNEE. YOU POMPUS SWINE. YOU ATTRACTIVE BEAST. YOU PANTY DROPPER. Sigh. Jon Snow, King of my heart- he knows nothing. But the White walkers are seriously such an interesting aspect of the show and now that they have a dragon on their side, it’s about to get very very interesting. The wall’s coming down. And the war’s about to begin.

Tormund and a splash of The Hound- I just love Tormund and thought it was wrong to write a review and not mention him. I love him and all the cute things he said about Brienne. And his observation of the Hound was bloody spot on (the hound is another interesting character). [Slight dialouge SPOILER]. “I don’t think you’re really mean, your eyes are sad.” [SPOILER] I just thank the God’s (the old God’s and the new), that they kept him alive as it was a very very close call.

The Hammerless Gendry- A tale: A ROUND OF APPLAUSE FOR BLOODY GENDRY THE HAMMERLESS who indirectly saved our gang. Whom is already loyal to his future “brother” (mwahahaha) in-law and the KITN (forever and always) Jon snow. Who could’ve died but kept running. The true hero of this episode: THE HAMMERLESS GENDRY. [SPOILERS AHEAD BUT IF YOU WANT TO KNOW WHERE HIS HAMMER IS READ ON] Okay, so we’ve captured a WW, just another day in the North you know- no bigie and we’re ready to return to perhaps not the comfort of dragonstone (we are essentially bloody prisoners), but definitely as far away from the blue eyed ones as possible when we find ourselves surrounded by the army. YAY. Bloody brilliant. So what does Jon who knows nothing Snow do. We send our most capable rower- sorry- runner to run back to Dadvos (I do love Daddy Davos) and get a Raven to Dragonstone stat. At first, he refuses to leave bro in-law but Jon tells him he’s the only one who can do it. So he begins to run when The Hound stops him, says he’ll be faster without the hammer and so (hesitantly), Thor- I mean Gendry- entrusts the hammer with The Hound (guess he’s worthy). And that my friends, is how Gendry the Hammerless lost his hammer. And he’s a bloody hero for it. If Gendry didn’t get to Dadvos, Dani wouldn’t have known what was going on and therefore, they’d have been screwed. Gendry is the true hero.

My final thoughts: I enjoyed episode 6 thoroughly (apart from a few bits and bobs) and don’t know what I’m going to do next week when it all ends for maybe two years as opposed to one. It definitely gave me all the feels- I shouted, I jumped, I rolled my eyes, I almost cried (twice) and I got very very angry. I don’t understand where Jon and Dany popped out of but understand its necessity in the show in order to set up Targbowl, The (inevitable) Northern revolt and the fulfilment of Dany’s prophecies (three mounts you must ride… three fires you must light). I can tell Dany is smitten with Jon. Couldn’t say the same for Jon until this episode (poor Jorah). I’m happy the gang is safe for now. And I am impatiently awaiting the arrival of Sam and Gilly at Winterfell. Littlefinger death shall be immensely satisfying. Can’t wait for this foolish Starkbowl to end. The meeting at KL is going to be epic. Dany vs Cersei. Brienne and Jamie reunion. Euron shows his face maybe? A flipping R+L=J REVEAL WOULD BE GREAT. And yeah. I have too many feelings to type coherently, but overall, I quite enjoyed that episode.

I’m on book two of The Ice And Fire series: a clash of kings. And so far, I am enjoying them immensely.

[katesjourneytofindhappiness]

Sunday, May 6th 2018 Day 1

I feels ridiculous to be back on this silly website. But I think during the next few months it could be very therapeutic to get my thoughts in order and in the past this has been a really good outlet for me. So. Anyway. Due to recent events I am beginning a quest for self betterment. Today is Day 1. And it will go on for the rest of my life I think. It starts with me journaling again. Something I've wanted to go back to for a long time. Let this be the first accomplishment of many to come. 

It feels surreal. 

But I’m okay. Everything I thought I was so sure of is cloudy now, but it’s okay. I’m pretty angry with myself. But I also feel incredibly driven, angry in a positive way, if that makes sense.

It makes it that much worse that I also truly saw all of these things during the past couple weeks. And I was so ready to let all of it go, to start over, to move forward with new purpose, direction, and confidence. Stress has been eating me alive, and the jury is out on whether that is something you can control.  Can you just chose to get over it? To put on a smile and actually believe it? Or is it something chemical, beyond my ability to reign in. I’m sure it’s probably a mix of both. Is it an excuse to say it’s something you can’t control? Probably.

It’s funny because everything I had put so much pressure on myself to achieve seems so insignificant now. How does any of it matter anymore? I know of course that it does, and of course I still want to make the best future for myself, but it’s as if my eyes were closed for the past year and now suddenly they’ve opened. I think the hardest pill to swallow about all of this is that I had this epiphany while watching Hector’s Journey to Find Happiness or whatever the hell it’s called, and you know that feeling when it just HITS you? Not in the typical way when you have little flashlight moments and you’re like, “ohhhhhh, hmm there’s a thought”. No, I mean one of those rare, major, life-changing moments when it’s like, “HOLY SHIT THIS IS IT!”. Well that’s how I felt a few days ago, and when I came home that over-the-top stress and anxiety should have hit me. But it didn’t. I felt really happy honestly. Aside form the unshakeable feeling that something was off. On Friday I watched this Bat-dad video and I was laughing with such care-free joy and I realized that it was all okayyyyyy. And sure, people have been telling me that for the past year of my life but this time I really felt it, really knew it.

And I was so damn excited to just start over, to be free, and happy, and lighter, and turn over a new leaf and all that cliche bullshit and I did my hair in the morning, and had real conversations with patients, and I had so much to tell him and then he started down that road and I just knew. It was all too little too late. And that really fucking sucks. I feel like I rediscovered him the last week. I realized that he was what matters, what I wanted, and whatever work I had to put in to make it work on any level was completely achievable. The previous weeks I KNEW that I was blowing it and I had that “WOAHHH RED LIGHT” conversation with myself after which I was SO DAMN READY to go a whole new direction.

I really liked who I was in the beginning. I wasn’t stressed about anything then, aside from going to acting auditions. And I was open to everything, and so excited to learn new things and try new things and see simple things. My god, that seems so long ago. And I remember I was worried about a relationship getting in the way of everything that I wanted to accomplish. And I remember at some point just completely letting go of all of my concerns and giving myself totally and completely to him because he was the best thing life. And somewhere along the line I let everything I wanted for our future get in the way of where we actually were in the moment.

It’s almost laughable because it’s like this event has completely cured me of all the stress. Like it just seems so SILLY! I guess it put everything in perspective. Like it’s all just so unimportant compared to things like friendships, relationships…. you know, the real shit.

So where to go from here…..there are a lot of things about myself that I had recently been thinking about bettering. Self betterment. And I feel like such an event forces you to face the reality of how important these things really are. I just lost the most important aspect of my life and it’s my own damn fault. Damnnnnnn, right? Fucked up. Well, I don’t want to accept that this has happened. That that’s just it. Maybe I’m not accepting it, maybe that’s why I’m surprisingly composed right now. Well regardless of what is driving this sudden alarming motivation right now (I just worked out for an hour, tf???) I’m going to run with it. Points of self betterment that I am choosing to work on now, not in the future, not when it’s convenient, now because I’ll be damned if I am EVER letting this happen again.

1. Stop being so afraid of everything. I am so afraid of dying, of terrorist attacks, of everyone I care about dying, of people not liking me (that warrants its own separate point), of cars, freak accidents, etc. This is another point that the Hector movie really made me think about. The woman who was dying on the plane said, “people who are afraid of death are afraid of life”. I used to be fearless. And thirsty for adventure. Free, reckless, light, honestly I think I used to have a really beautiful soul. Creeping on my old tumblr makes me realize that. I used to be bursting with poetry because I thought everything was so damn beautiful all the time. Where did she go? Now the idea of climbing mountains, or driving in the fast lane, going to concerts scares me because something bad could happen. Someone could die. Well you know what that’s always going to be true. But someone could also have the time of their life. They could see the most breathtaking view, share it with the most breathtaking person. They could….omg… feel alive?? And isn’t that what life is? Risking everything to get the most out of a time that’s limited no matter how cautious you are? I want to get that lust for adventure back.

2. Learn how to deal with stress. I think a lot of my first point is relevant here. I’m just generally very worried. Sometimes not even about something specific. Just generally worried, and I think a lot of that comes from fear. Fear of not succeeding, fear of losing someone, fear of getting hurt. Everything always works out. The work always gets done. I know that. So I need to learn how to embrace this knowledge in the moment and let it be.

3. BE HERE, NOW. I live in the future. It’s the classic case of pushing happiness off into the future, instead of appreciating what is now. I set deadlines for myself to get things done. And I don’t mean concrete things in the sense that school work has deadlines. I mean I set deadlines for myself to have everything lining up. Like having my friend circle be healthy at the same time that both of my houses are perfectly clean at the same time that I am proficient at all of my instruments at the same time that I am working at the perfect job etc etc etc and none of it is realistic. Everything here, right now is enough. It is perfect. And it is everything that I need.

4. Learn how to cook. I need to stop being so damn helpless. A funny aspect of this situation is that I suddenly realized I have to feed myself this week. Bring it the Frick on.

5. Make time for hobbies everyday. I feel upset when I feel like I’m not doing something to better myself in a well-rounded sense, meaning I am not improving artistically. This also all goes back to a previous point I made about getting STRESSED when I don’t feel like I’m moving forward, and I mean in EVERYTHING! So even if I get a lot done in one field, I feel stagnant in another. And the problem is that I have a hard time allowing myself to take on multiple things at once. And that might sound like the opposite of what a stressed, anxious person needs but actually I think it is exactly what I DO need. I think it’s more of a stressor to expect myself to only be devoted to ONE thing all day everyday and not take any breaks or think about anything else. In this case I mean studying. There’s no reason I can’t study while also taking some time to play an instrument, or sing, or spend time with friends. It’s funny because I’m always so upset that I never write anymore. And now it’s the only thing keeping me sane.

6. Sleep. This is major. Probably the underlying root of all issues. Actually its hard for me to not blame a lot of things on lack of sleep. For example it would be easy to say that if I could just have slept then none of this would have happened. And honestly in part maybe that would have been true to an extent. Even if other issues were in play you could make the argument that it at least would have bought me some time to get my shit together. To realize what was happening. Lack of sleep causes me to be irritable, which may take life in the form of being judgemental, or moody, or passive aggressive, or getting way too upset about something small. But ultimately there are plenty of other things I need to take responsibility for and I am going to do that. By working on a lot of these other things, I think sleep will also improve. Because it is definitely largely linked to anxiety. I’ve already made an appointment with a psychiatrist who specialized in behavioural therapy for insomnia and I am very excited to start this new chapter of ZzzzzZZZzZZzzs.

7. Express vulnerable feelings. When I feel sad or hurt I often express it passive aggressively or through anger. This is not acceptable and it needs to change. It is something I am going to be working on daily, and I have decided to begin keeping track of each time I succeed and each time I fail. Additionally, sometimes I fail to express feelings of gratitude, love, or appreciation. Sometimes I feel silly telling someone I really care about them or appreciate them. I think it’s really important to express these feelings and not assume people always know how you feel.

8. Take care of my body. Start working out, build endurance. Live a long and healthy life.

9. I meant to go back to this earlier. Stop worrying about what other people think. I mean this in that I put a lot of pressure or myself when I know that it’s really important for someone to like me. I read into everything that they say and I worry about what I’m going to say back. I worry that I’m not funny enough or I won’t say the right thing and that really holds me back from having a good relationship.

10. Write poetry again.

It all just hit me and it hurts.

So. Badly.

11. Keep going.

[kishimoto-did-us-dirty]

Naruto Arts School AU

Character

- major

description

Naruto

-Drums

okie nobody can deny that our main boy over here is a loud soul, however, he can also carry a damn good beat that compliments his band mates’ music really well. Tbh, he sucked at music to begin with and had trouble matching rhythms and listening to his band mates when they played, however he eventually became a really good rhythm maker.

Sasuke

-Guitar (lead)

He’d be assigned to the same band as Naruto, and that’s how they met. This boy is a damn good guitarist y’all, but has attitude problems™, and used to not be able to deal with Naruto’s haphazard beat making, thus perpetuating a rivalry between the two. He constantly feels overshadowed by his elder brother Itachi, a piano major.

Sakura 

- Dance

Ya girl fucking demolishes every single dance routine. Initially starting out with a focus on ballet (pre-shippuden in canon), our pink headed queen soon realized that she wasn’t getting the full experience of what it meant to dance. Her point shoes were her loves, however they hurt and nipped in places not just physical. She realized that she didn’t want to be pigeonholed into a genre of which she would be inhibited by standard, and rather to dance so as to forget technical perfection. Thus, what would partner with post-shippuden Sakura in canon, Art School AU Sakura got into hip-hop. And bitch, she goes hard. A lot of the other girls who she used to dance ballet with admire her for her absolutely BODYING her dance routines, but also for never sacrificing her femininity to dance and not taking BS for being a girl who goes so hard in a male-dominated genre. (Some people believe that hip-hop is heavy hitting and a little metaphorically “dark” so to speak, which Sakura is not. So obviously I expect a little disagreement regarding this, however if you look at people like Delaney Glazer or Kaycee Rice, that is how Sakura would dance). 

Hinata

- Creative Writing

Shy and bookworm-like, Hinata can write the best poetry, romance and adventure pieces out of all the creative-writing majors. She’s especially good at writing character relationships and development, and has such a subtle sense of intelligent wit in her writing, that if you blinked you would miss it. However should you catch it, you’re sure to chuckle. Her only struggle is that she tends to drag on in important scenes, stretching them against the regular flow of the rest of her writing. Needs validation for her writing through an IV drip.

Kiba

- Drums OR Photography

Drums for obvious reasons (loud and obnoxious), although ruff boi looks good with a camera, too. Great at landscapes and street photography.

Shino

- Creative Writing OR Photography

I could definitely see Shino having fucking beautiful handwriting, and being a beast at writing anything within the sci-fi realm. I could also see him doing some journalism, and writing for the school paper. He’s very good at the logic of his sci-fi books and coming up with logical but enrapturing stories, that intermingle knowledge and mystery. He’s a very specific type of read, however, and may not appeal to all, however if you enjoy anything similar to Star Wars or Hitchhikers guide to the galaxy, then Shino is your author. If this doesn’t float your boat, though, try photography-major Shino. He can get the best angles of bugs he sees, and has an extensive portfolio with entomology-related snapshots.

Ino

- Dance

Like Sakura, she, too, began with a focus on ballet, however began to branch out into contemporary ballet a little later than Sakura. This is another reason why Sakura switched her focuses, as she and Ino had always had a fierce rivalry for dieting (ballet dancers are pressured to be as thin as possible) as well as battling for technical perfection when they were ballet focused. As the two grew, Ino focused more so on contemporary, but can certainly do some hip-hop with Sakura every now and then, just as Sakura occasionally takes a contemporary class with her. The two still have a rivalry, however, just not to the previous extent as when they were actively competing against each other. They’re more like sisters. 

Shikamaru

- Guitar (bass) OR Creative Writing OR Architecture

Smart boy’s a tricky one. He would either be a bassist, a mystery and historical fiction writer, or, of his school offers it, be great at architecture. Idrk.

Choji

- ermmmmm….. maybe graphic design? Tech theatre (props)? Vocal???

Choji is hARD dwnccnpc (that’s what she said). I could see him behind a computer screen, animating and designing games/covers/posters or whatever. He could also do something in theatre, but I don’t think he would do anything up on stage. Something like props would suit him. He might do something in music, tho???? Can he sing???? Help??? 

Tenten

- Dance

Always has been, and always will be a hip-hop dancer. She wanted to be like Tsunade, a legendary dancer and followed in her footsteps, taking up hip-hop. (that’s why Sakura focused on hip-hop, too, because Tsunade mentored her and taught a few of her classes, too). Tenten is fast and can keep up with any beat. Not only is she a great dancer, but she’s also athletic, and does track and field (cross country), football, and softball at another school too, since the arts schools doesn’t offer it. Overall great dancer with styl. She’s really looked up to by some of her underclassmen for her cheery, but badass style and skill.

Lee

- DANCE (hip-hop, too)

It’s sweat. It’s burn. It’s energy. It’s Lee.

Neji

- Violin 

First chair violinist in his freshman year for the school’s philharmonic orchestra. He be extra like that.

Gaara

- Guitar (bass)

He had a lonely childhood with neglectful/abusive parents, and rock music really helped him with that. Emo music is emo and often made fun of, but the songs have messages and Gaara related, so self-taught himself the bass guitar to help cope, and bring him closer to the music that salvaged him.

Kankuro

-Art

Specifically sculpting. For obvious reasons.

Temari

- Acting

Girl can make you cry with some of her monologues. Total lead. Has a seriousness in her acting that makes her believable, however can falter on the less-serious roles. She may also double-major in whatever Shikamaru does. And she’s better at it than him.

Itachi

-Piano

Boy could play any etude at age 7. Performed at Carnegie Hall when he was 10. And no, he didn’t pay to play there. The hall invited him. Began composing at 9. Has perfect pitch. Owns international awards. If he’s not at school it’s because he’s traveling to play for crowds. He excels at classical and baroque, however has an ear for romantic, and enjoys playing/composing pieces either written or inspired by romantic pieces. Enjoys Schumann, Debussy, and Tchaikovsky. Hates modern classical music, though. Can only take cinematic pieces composed by people like Williams, however can’t stand Prokofiev at all. He does like modern music, though, so long as it’s outside of the orchestral/classical music realm. He likes R&B. He would have liked to do film with Shisui, particularly producing, however his parents pressure him with piano, so he helps Shisui with student films and projects outside of school (will probably pursue film after graduating, tho).

Shisui

- FILM / VIDEO PRODUCTION

Fight me on this!!! THIS BOY IS SO GOOD AT CINEMATOGRAPHY MY FILMMAKING ASS CAN’T EVEN. AS SOMEONE WHO IS IN LOVE WITH FILMOGRAPHY, TRUST ME, SHISUI HAS IT™. THE IT™. HE’S GOOD AT EVERYTHING. CINEMATOGRAPHY. DIRECTING. SCREENWRITING. GRIP-WORK. EDITING. PRODUCING. HE’S SUCH A FILM NERD TOO, AND WATCHES OLD FILMS ALL THE TIME. HE’S JUST TOO GOOD AT IT. DOES STREET PHOTOGRAPHY TOO. HE’S OVERALL A GENIUS WITH CAMERAS. Does film with Itachi outside of school and teaches him, and the two are overall geniuses at filmography. They want to start their own studio together (they do, and it becomes huge). He becomes a leading director, while Itachi becomes a producer and directs sometimes too. 

Sasori, Deidara, and Sai

Guess.

Kakashi

- Saxophone

It’s the only thing that suits him and it suits him so well. Has suave.

Obito (omfg his arms y'all)

- Not to say drums or anything, but…. drums.

Narutard 2.0. But he also dabbles in other areas of music. Like, he can also play guitar and sing. He’s also pretty good at music production. Makes R&B sometimes. He wasn’t always the best musician but proved to be a late bloomer, and really harnessed his potential. Tries to be as suave as Kakashi and his saxophone. He isn’t.

Hashirama

- Vocal

OkaYYYYYY. VOCAL GOD. CAN DO RIFFS AND RUNS AND HAS PERFECT PITCH. ALSO THE SWEETEST GUY??? WAS A CHAMBER SINGER AS A FRESHMAN. EVERYONE LOVES HIM, GOOD BOY ENERGY.

Likes to belt.

Madara

- Piano

Total prodigy, but hates classical music. Once was accompanist to Hashirama for a solo vocal performance and hasn’t been left alone since. 

Tobirama

- Viola or Cello

Some sort of string instrument and takes it very seriously. Probably plays cello because violas are violas and that’s lame (if you know, you know). Has almost as many awards as Itachi and Madara, but hates his usual piano accompanist, Izuna.

Izuna

- Piano

Also a piano god. The uchihas breed them. Hates being accompanist for Tobirama. They’re secretly best friends though, don’t tell anyone.

Karin

- Tech Theatre.

Idk why. Probably started out with props and made her way up to TD (technical director) in senior year.

Suigetsu

- Tech Theatre

Fucking hates theatre kids (I feel that (I used to be one so don’t come at me)). Assistant TD. Karin hates him. 

Jugo

- Visual Art

Paints landscapes and nature. Really good with oils and gouache respectively.

Yamato

- lmao Trumpet.

Met Kakashi since they both play brass, but boy he ain’t got that suave. That’s why he plays trumpet. Lmao he plays the fucking trumpet anjdwcnojdnn.

Rin

- Vocal

Sweetest voice and could also play the acoustic guitar when she sang. Died in a car accident junior year. Kakashi was at the wheel when they got hit by a drunk driver. Obito saw the whole thing.

Kurenai

- Visual Art

Can create dream like paintings that almost seem like illusions.

Asuma

- Cello / guitar

Used to play cello because of his parents, but loves to play guitar. Can sing but his voice is raspy from smoking.

Gai

Who the fuck do you think teaches dance?

Jiraiya

- Guitar (lead)

Used to major in lead guitar. Sucked at first. Probably has a couple, casual Grammy Awards (they’re actually not that hard to be awarded with, The Recording Academy award many people outside of mainstream media. My school has a few). Now teachers as head of the Band department at this school.

Tsunade

-Dance

Legendary dancer. Probably toured with a few famous people. Now teachers. Mentored Sakura, and mentored Ino but for a shorter time.

Orochimaru

- Idk, didgeridoo, or some shit

Definitely a wood wind. Flute maybe??? Teaches now but no one knows what he does. Pedophile. Has a thing for Sasuke. 

And that’s that!! Feel free to send in more requests!! Tell me what you think~