#had been planning for all my life.
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Made a horrible discovery during stream tonight and by discovery I mean thing that I already knew but recently we as a community have been obsessed with this Omegaverse quiz and after realizing there was multiple choice on some answers, I went to retake it.
And because it’s a quotev quiz, at the end it tells you how your answers played out, how many were for each category.
The highest anyone in our community had previously gotten was a 21.
But with a whopping 29 as my top answer (with the closest second being 17). It has been determined that I am a submissive omega.
That’s not the horrible discovery. No the horrible discovery would be my friends hearing that and going “Oh wow you really just want someone to take care of you.”
Like bitch I already knew that but damn quiz you didn’t have to yell it so loudly
#ravenpuff rambles#ANYWAYS#I actually love this quiz it’s silly and we’ve been doing silly things with it#but god I was not ready to see that number difference. I hadn’t look previously so it was a significant shock.#Fucking 29. that’s 12 more then for my second choice.#But it’s like I’m so *tired* of fighting all the time and I spent my entire life raising myself and I’ve never had people to rely on until#really recently like of fucking course I want to be taken care of. I’m overwhelmed. I’m chronically ill. my entire life fell apart that I#had been planning for all my life.#Seriously if someone wants to be my ‘alpha’ and take care of me and help me do things because even small tasks are overwhelming on my own#I’m not going to say no I really won’t. I forgot how to be on my own and be independent
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ngl i get that people hype up hating writing for the bit but like. idk. yall i Do actually really like writing. it is so satisfying and fun and rewarding and i get to look back what i made over and over again and get joy every single time.
yes writing is hard but if you hate it more than you love it im kinda like. idk. find another hobby?
#also the planning parts and the daydreaming is part of the process so idk#yall it is getting exhausting seeing all the quirky see how little i’m writing shit#like what if for once i am writing and im having a grand time!!#what if not being able to write isn’t a fun joke it is honestly detrimental to my brain!!!#what if writing has been my friend when i never had any and it is the love of my life and love language and i love actually doing it perhap#talking#ren hot cakes
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#selfie bee#me telling a coworker who I have been working with for 4 months and whose name I do not know about my toenails#i'm sorry Tobias (?? Paul ??) it was the only topic I could come up with after I already told you about the big bird I saw in 8th grade#FRIENDS how are you!! :) how has the new year been so far!!#did you have a lot of snow on christmas!#we did and it was really fun! I had a very bad cold so I just watched the snow from inside but that was good too c:#do you have any plans for the new year?#i always have lot and most of the time I do not do any of them but planning is fun#this year I REALLY want to watch all of Star Trek ヽ(´∇`)ノ#I would also love to learn how to make a handstand#imagine if you could just make yourself upside down#but it is a far away dream because honestly I am not very good at being usual side up most of the time either#but I will try probably at least 2 times to learn it ( ᐛ )#maybe I'll finally finish that website!#new years are good and fun#it's wild to think about how much daily life has changed since last year but I feel just the same :)#who knows what this year will bring!#I hope I don't hit a pheasant with my car#I almost hit a pheasant with my car last year and the pheasant made direct eye contact#I wonder how he is doing today#since that moment I think about pheasants a lot#I knew they were real but I had never seen one#just to know they are out there is a mystical feeling#right know it is raining so all the pheasants might be wet#get dry soon pheasants!!#I don't think I've ever seen a wet bird either#I don't know what do do with all these birds thoughts#also thank you for the person who asked about my skirt!! ( ˊᵕˋ )♡.°⑅#I've finished it and its really really bad#but I love it
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i believe that to some extent Andre knows he's fucked up and this headcanon is one of the hills I will die on in the farewell tape, Cal says that “you can’t cure somebody who has nothing wrong with them.”
Andre, on the other hand, admits they might be seen as hypocrites. he's not gonna back out, he still thinks it's the right thing for him to do, but he seems to acknowledge that people will not perceive it the same way. he tries to explain that no matter what it’ll look like, it’s not murder for the sake of murder - not in his eyes at least. there's a (sick and twisted) lesson hidden in this tragedy.
to some extent, Andre is aware of what’s going on with him, what exactly shaped him into who he is now. he sees the cause and effect of being bullied, of feeling rejected and alienated, and not being able to do anything about it because that's just who he is. he can kick and scream and shout but he will never change who he is at his core and this realization is crushing for a 17/18-year-old. this and all the implications of a missing sense of belonging.
he knows he’s messed up. he knows what would fix him and he’s convinced it’s out of his reach. he looks at other students and he thinks: it’ll never be me. and he's angry that they have something he will never have.
his awareness doesn't help though. if anything, it fuels his frustration. what adults know to be a temporary problem (high school) seemed like an insurmountable obstacle, the end of everything.
#dont mind me im just thinking how so many high school problems seem like the end of the world#and then you grow up and you're like 'ok that was some insane shit and I didn't deserve most of it'#and then you process it and heal and go on with your life because the world is too wide for you to dwell on all that stuff#alternatively you're shocked that you really let yourself wallow in sadness over shit that now just makes you laugh and seems so trivial#my point is that if he had decided to drop the zd plans and then graduated and grown up he could have been happy#he could have made it but he didn't give himself a chance#high school is not where your world ends#in fact it's barely even a beginning its a fucking prologue#and when people are so down that they can't grasp it - this is what leads to tragedies#zero day#zero day 2003#andre kriegman#cal gabriel
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learning abt friendship decay and "not reaching out to your friends for months at a time unprompted is not neurotypical behaviour" has me feeling a certain way
#experiencing some BIG FEELINGS OVER THIS REVELATION#listen i have never ever been bothered abt not seeing someone in a while or making time to talk to them bc in my mind its like not thst muc#time has passed. i mean it with every fibre of my being that when im like 'oh its ok even though we havent talked in a while and have our#own things going on it doesnt mean we're not friends anymore since we left things on a good note 8 months ago' i sincerely believe that#and for the longest time i just thought everybody makes peace with it at some point and not automatically assuming the other person doesnt#wanna talk to me anymore or smth. my longest lasting friendships are with ppl who work the same way i just thouhght that was normal#whatever organ everybody has that makes them reach out to their friends and plan hang outs i probably dont have it#i was already hesitant to ask out Alex bc i spend almost every waking hour doing smth that isnt talking to ppl unless they happen to be in#the vicinity. and at first it was bc i planned on making sure i had everything set up so i dont get stressed out and do it one at a time#but then i find out theres a friendship decay mechanic? and after dating and marrying someone you lose -10 friendship points for every#day u dont talk to them?? actually ive probably been losing friendship points this whole time without knowing bc of this?????#and i notice a lot of my own habits are also reflected in how i play bc ive been avoiding getting close to pierre and marnie since its more#of a professional relationship. like i know theyre npcs but im approaching it the way i would in real life its fucking nuts#i think its a little relieving im playing /as/ a character than myself bc as im playing im just making up little interactions in my head#than approaching things the way i would myself so it takes a bit of the stress off trying to put myself in there as a spectator. but well#being in a relationship demands a certain amount of energy even more so when theyre things that already take up energy on its own#like making time to talk to your partner and make sure they know theyre loved. i dont always have energy to put all my mental focus into it#and this is true for real life so im not really bothered by not dating anyone. but when its a game and i want my character to be with someo#and i know its fully optional and i know i could just apply the same logic to this i dont /want/ to. sometimes i want to experience#the same things other people do at least to a certain degree without the same emotional andmental stakes#no offense krobus#yapping#stardew#stardew valley#puppy plays sdv#sdv#this game has me by the ankles man
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well, you don't know me
but i know you
did somebody say redraw no i will not be linking the original
#art#illustration#redacted audio#redacted asmr#redactedverse#redacted imperium#redacted asher#asher talbot#redacted brachium#redacted imp!asher#redacted imperium!asher#redacted imp!brachium#redacted imperium!brachium#yippeeeeeeeee art from agp#oh joyous day#sorry i havent been keeping up with the imperiumtober stuff i had planned life is really kicking my ass rn#but all one can do is persist#if the world chooses to become my enemy i will fight as i always have and all that
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just a heads up that enmeshment with your therapist is a sign that you need a different therapist. you go to these people to offload and heal, but if you're emotionally enmeshed and that's keeping you from bringing topics forward, that is no longer a healthy relationship nor a therapist that should be treating you.
just so you're aware. your therapist should not be an uncle figure you're afraid to talk about embarrassing stuff with, he's an impartial audience to help you heal. that emotional connection is now HINDERING you from healing.
honestly! me making one personal post! does not tell you the full story! while i defintly have an emotional connection with him- i have had other therapists in my life in and out the entire time. i seek help from other sources frequently! i said it was like talking to an uncle simply because of the fact he’s known me since i was a child, which makes talking about adult topics at times a little embarrasing because he knew me when i was 11!! he is not like an uncle to me in an other respect, i have a seperation. and i have openly discussed this with him and why im uncomfortable at times!! but we talk it out!! because its my therapist and me making one post doesnt mean you know everything!! geez!! also ive been embarrassed to talk about sex with every other therapist ive had!! not your call to make!!
#in the time ive been seeing him ive had easily a dozen other social workers clinicians case workers and speciality therapists. ive been to#groups and classes and everything.#having a stable person in my life who i can trust to help me is important to me because ive been to so many doctors and a lot of them i dont#trust at all. there are some times i struggle with him but i feel safe to talk to him#it just takes me a minute sometimes because i remember playing board games in our sessions and its weird to be an adult now#he’s probably retiring soon so i plan to stay until he does. and then i will move on#impartiality sure. but i need to trust someone to some level. the social worker i saw the longest it took me several years with to discuss#my abuser with because its!! hard to talk about that stuff with someone you dont know
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I found out there was an anteater LPS so obviously the only logical thing to do was go and buy one immediately and make it into Flint. My phone hates me so pictures are bad but look!!!!! That's a little guy!!!!!
#toontown corporate clash#ttcc#firestarter#lps custom#I thought this would be easy#it would have been easy if not for my “brilliant” idea to remove the head to make it easier to paint#i could not for the life of me get that thing back on#tried boiling water to soften the plastic which a) didn't work and b) MESSED UP ALL OF MY PAINT#so I had to do basically the ENTIRE head over again#poor guy had to go through emergency surgery like three times#eventually got the head back on tho! even if I had to cut it open in like three different places to do it...#the worst of its under his hat dont worry about it#planning on making Graham too at some point#just trying to figure out what animal i should make him#theres no cheetah but there is a jaguar and that's both pretty cheetah adjacent and easily purchasable by me#otherwise a bunny maybe? I think I like cheetah better but we'll have to see
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(re) introducing Pelagic Paradox from Anarchy Bay!!!
Their story is the same (except for who plays what instrument), but I wanted to updated their designs to more accurately reflect my new vision for these characters. (original designs)
#fun fact i've been sitting on these redesigns since mid october#i was waiting till i had more to post so i could post it all at once but i've been going through the worst art block of my life#maybe posting this will help inspire me to actually do what i planned with these guys idk#i-have-art-block#my art#original art#splatoon#splatoon fanart#splatoon art#original character#splatoon fandom#splatoon idol oc#splatoon idols#fuzzy octoling#sanitized octoling#splatoon octo expansion#splatpost#splatoon side order#splatoon 3#splat3
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i don't think I've ever enjoyed a birthday party with friends as much as today i am genuinely getting a bit teary eyed
#initially i wasn't planning to do anything but then i thought what the hell what if we go out to drink something#except it was all very up in the air so a good deal of folks couldn't come (which is fine that one's on me)#but the two who COULD make it are genuinely some of the funniest motherfuckers I've ever met and one of them brought his gf along#and we hit it off IMMEDIATELY and THEN we ran into another pal I hadn't seen in a while and hadn't had the chance to invite in person#who also joined in after he finished hanging out with other people and they got me a present????? 😭#i haven't had a birthday with friends in fucking . 3 years between covid and everyone i knew moving away#I'm so happy i think my heart is going to explode#which ik. hey isn't that a very boring and simple hangout YES but also not to me baby i have been in a depression isolation all my teens#i started to genuinely enjoy my day to day life like. 4 months ago ever since starting uni#it feels like turning a new leaf yknow? like. i made it. i made it out. god i could cry#sorry I'm a little drunk
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been really into fishges lately......... trying to get better at painting also :3c
#working on this painting for an assignment rn that might actually be the death of me#decided to do a) funky perspective b) have hands as a major focal point c) spent like 2 weeks planning it out cause I am incapable of-#making decisions ever and d) kinda hate how it looks so far#so now I'm behind in my art class of all things :D#it ok though i'll learn stuff!!!!!!! all that junk!!!!!! I will learn and grow!!!!!!!#also been kinda inactive oops going through it and too busy anymore for most things that bring me joy#including :( my beloved ocs :( sniffle#anyway ramblings and complainings of a madman over now FISHES YAY HAD A LOT OF FUN WITH THESE ^_^#squirrel art#fishes#aquatic life#artists of Tumblr#traditional art
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It’s so embarrassing and heartbreaking being in so much pain over losing someone while knowing they don’t give a fuck if you live or die. Your favorite person becoming a stranger is a special kind of hell.
#I fucking hate having bpd#while I’m at it I don’t understand the fuckin audacity some people have to say they love you and do horrible things to you#I feel so stupid#I feel so stupid for believing all the lies#but I was so in love and put him on such a pedestal that I just allowed it all.#thinking about someone constantly and grieving over them and knowing they’re perfectly fine and to them you don’t exist#I’m still in such a state of grief and I don’t understand why time hasn’t healed#it honestly feels like it’s gotten worse w time#I just torture myself but I can’t help it my brain wants me dead#it’s so painful I feel so fucking stupid#being abandoned with no closure by someone who’s your entire world#for someone they were unfaithful to you with multiple times (I don’t even know how many and dony want to know) immediately#like that was the plan all along#he took our cat hundreds of miles away and I don’t even know if he still has her or if she’s still alive and I miss her every day#I never loved someone like that and it feels like the heartbreak is actually physically killing me#i spent 1/5 of my entire life with him#I was my prettiest and had the best body at the time and I wasted it on someone who didn’t appreciate me#not wasted. it wasn’t wasted. we had some incredible times together#I’ll never be that beautiful again#and now idk what do so bc i can’t decide which is worse: being alone and isolating or loving deeply and ending up horribly hurt all over#it’s all just so upsetting.#and I feel so stupid for allowing it all#he knows more about me than anyone and he made me feel like he loved me so much sometimes and then did horrid things and it’s so fucked up#nobody read this I’m so embarrassed and horribly broken#it traumatized me so much there was so much abuse and pain idk if I’ll ever recover#I deserved it but it still hurts my heart#I was so mentally ill and sick I know it had to have been miserable to be around me#there are so many things only he understands and knows about me and I need to talk about them I j wanna b able to b there 4 each other#but that girl is so beyond insecure and controlling so. if I want to talk to who fuckin gets me I’m just fucked#why lead someone on like that for years knowing you’re going to abandon them the second it’s convenient
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Super late (again, augh) but here's June's patreon piece! Idea was submitted by @the-winterstorms who requested Jack's Dossier Mission where rather than a human, it turns out she's just a very aggressive Sphynx cat instead.
I had a lot of fun with this one! Might have gone a little overboard with it though, lmao.
Become a $5 patron by the end of the month to submit an idea for August!
Also have some detail shots~
#mass effect#urdnot grunt#mass effect jack#femshep#garrus vakarian#patreon art#sharky art#this got delayed because the universe be like “bing bong fuck ya life”#contract got extended to the end of this week and the deadlines have been... aough#had summer plans with my partner's kids and Security Breach: Ruin gave me brain worms for a week#but then I was all ready and finally had time put aside to get this done two weeks ago and then BAM brutal mystery flu outta nowhere#absolute bullshit I tell ya
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quick and loose (24 hours and counting) thing i tried to finish before move-in i'm calling it here i was defeated 😔 let's see if i can finish it before classes actually start (no) featurnig partial view of my krita setup (default) god be with ye all i need to be doing last minute packing in five-odd hours and then i will not sleep for four entire months god be with y'all
#ian beale#mira ramachandran#wip#art wip#look guys if i finish this it'll usurp what i think is the what a creep animation as my longest finished ian project#if things go to plan my other project will dwarf this#has already dwarfed it at least threefold i think#my courseload last semester was so light that i had like twenty hours free each week to do rb art#and do other responsibilities and have a social life i think i only turned down social activities once for it#i'm expecting to get obliterated this semester though so if i don't finish this#and i don't want to flunk out and i'm not wrong#and if i actually have self control#like 50/50 may not have art for a while. but maybe not look guys i'm so good at not getting sleep#man idk how to write dialogue is been a hot minute#will i delete this wip later maybe idk i'm frazzled and tired i really shouldn't be on this rn#anyways it was a great summer with all of you!!!!#had a great time pushing myself creatively and artistically#very inspired#thank you all
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Carry On - Bricks
These are Kuuga songs produced by Bricks (Katsurayama Shingo and Itakura Masakazu)
youtube
You can find the full EP here on youtube (uploaded by my lovely partner on his channel!)
The songs uploaded separated can also be found in this playlist
01 - CARRY ON
02 - 勇気をくれた人へ
03 - CARRY ON (ORIGINAL KARAOKE)
I've got quite a few kuuga related things to share (as well as more of Katsurayama's music!)
I keep an unrebloggable masterlist of posts here at this link, that I'll always update anytime I add something new 😊👍
Scans of the album, including lyric booklet included below the cut:
these scans are also mirrored here on imgur for safekeeping
unsurprisingly, I've ran these through machine translation out of curiosity multiple times, and you may do the same, but if you can accurately translate entire songs, let me know! I'd be happy to add it here (with credit, ofc) 😊👍
#kamen rider kuuga#kr kuuga#kamen rider#shingo katsurayama#katsurayama shingo#finally posting largely cus i saw ppl seeking stuff and i have like. more complete versions since i own these thigns physically#so i feel i have a responsibility to share ^^#and i wasn't like... trying to hide this and keep it to myself. i just have a life outside of sharing my niche things i collect#and due to my partner and i having a quite wobbly living situation for the past year and a bit it's been tricky#he had the ep uploaded like 2 months ago as a whole and weve had it for almost a year now#just. agh. time#also planning to post some other goods tomorrow if all goes well. it'll be a slow dripfeed happy 2025 :)#this is more archival than anything. it's of niche interest but it will always be here now#and my masterlist post can always be an anchor as i add stuff!
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The unmistakable sound of footsteps approaching begins to fill the air. Whoever is coming seems to have brought some company along…
They are getting closer… and closer… and closer…
…and closer…
……until..................
"Goooooood evenin'!!" Comes the loud greeting from a certain blond man. A big smile on his face and all.
"We beg your pardon for our prolonged absence. It was completely beyond our control..." Then adds the gentleman standing by his side, apologizing on behalf of both, offering a genuine smile along with the apology.
"...BUT! We're back!" And hopefully for good this time…
#[HI HIIIIIII~~ HOW'S EVERYONE DOING?? 8)]#[IDK IF ANYONE REMEMBERS ME OR MY MUSES ANYMORE?? BUT HELLOOO]#[one million years later but we're backkkkkk]#[i'd like to start by apologizing for completely disappearing for months without any announcement]#[life has been far from kind all this year so far and this has greatly and negatively impacted me emotionally]#[like..very VERY badly (harmful stuff and etc)]#[all to a point where i've had to take some time off from most social media]#[and which is also why i haven't checked or replied to any messages anywhere in a while]#[not that i'm the most social and most active person ever but you get what i mean here ;v;]#[the original plan was to come back here like a month or so ago but as you can guess i was unable to due to the same irl issues]#[i'm not gonna lie i'm still not doing well]#[but i wanted to come back or at least try to]#[since writing for these two and the ogre street guys always brings me joy and i also missed everyone here!]#[i'm still unsure if dropping threads will be the way to go for now or not#because i have no idea if my partners are still interested in any threads we had prior my unannounced hiatus]#[or if anyone's still interested in interacting with me and my muses again ;v;]#[so if we have ongoing threads i'll likely be jumping into your IMs over the course of the days to ask about it]#[i just need to check my thread tracker first because i can't remember what i owed last time ;;;;;;]#[as always: we can start new stuff any time in case you're no longer feeling whatever threads we had]#[and we can also start from scratch if that's best too]#[so no worries there!]#[enough blablah from me for now]#[i missed you all so much!]#[and to the new followers this blog somehow earned in my absence: Hi!! Thank you for following and I hope we can interact soon!!]#[hope everyone has been doing great during my absence!! <3]#;speedwagon says (( ic ))#;jonathan says (( ic ))#;ic#(??#;speedwagon withdraws coolly
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