#had an exam about this not so long ago lmao

[loredwy]

I mean, I guess it would depend on how they retrieve posts.

If what they do is search for "recommended blogs" and then show you random posts of them, the fastest approach would be check that those blogs are not in the "muted + blocked" list, before retrieving their posts (less users compared to posts = faster to check users than check posts).

And if the muted users list is ordered alphabetically, for example, with an index you could skip blocks of the database and start searching on the section of the specific letter each of them start with, making it faster (altough it takes more storage for saving the position on which starts each section).

If what they do is retrieve the posts first, then thats more difficult processing-wise, because they would need to check the users of each post (without repetition, putting them on a list) to then see if they are muted and do the filtering.

But, in general, its more about how optimized you have your database when getting the data. (And how much extra space are you willing to use for indexes)

Please make it possible to hide users' posts without blocking them. Like, in cases where a person hasn't done anything wrong to be blocked, but you just don't like their posts.

Answer: Hello, @deithwen!

As it turns out, we’ve received this feature request a lot over the years. Usually, it comes in as wanting the ability to “mute” other blogs on Tumblr. While we would love to build it, we’ve balked at it a bit because of its technical and product complexity. Let us explain what that means:

In terms of technical complexity, our current blocking feature is closest to how “muting” would work. Our current blocking feature may seem simple, but it’s very complex because of how big Tumblr is. Every time we fetch a list of blogs for you or anyone on Tumblr, we have to also fetch the list of who you’re blocking, and who’s blocking you, and filter out anyone with that block relationship. This mapping of who’s-blocking-who is stored in a directional way right now, so the “cost” of loading that list gets higher the more people you’re blocking and the more people who are blocking you. If you’re blocking 1,000 blogs, we have to check that list a lot. If you’re being blocked by 1,000 blogs, that’s another big list to check against.

In technical terms, this is a “many-to-many” relationship, which is almost always incredibly difficult to manage while not degrading the experience of using a platform like Tumblr. The more people who are blocking, the harder it is to store those lists in a way that’s easy to check, but we’re working on making it smoother. The vast majority of people don’t block many others, if at all, so it’s never been a huge problem. But the outliers who block thousands of others (or are blocked by thousands of others) can degrade performance for everyone over enough time.

Adding muting would throw on top of that yet another list of blogs to check, increasing the complexity of something that’s already pretty complex. It helps that muting would be one-directional and not bi-directional (as in, it doesn’t matter who’s muting you), but, as that list of muted blogs grows, your experience may degrade further. So we’d need to solve for that, which is definitely doable. It would just take time—and lots of it.

And, as a product, Tumblr is already pretty confusing to people trying to figure out what “blocking” means already, as well as our other filtering options. Up until fairly recently, blocking was almost entirely one-directional, the opposite way you’d expect: blocking made it so the blocked person couldn’t see you, not that you couldn’t see them. We’ve been updating blocking to work both ways instead, which is more common on social media these days. Similarly, the options to filter tags versus content cause a lot of confusion because they don’t work the same way as each other.

So if we wanted to add another filtering option to that mix, “muting” blogs, we’d need to be conscious of how all of those options work together—and are confusing in context with each other. We should really clean up that experience to be more streamlined and simple, not more complex. And I didn’t even mention the oddity of how different settings apply to your primary blog versus your sideblogs if you have more than one blog!

Taken together, it is a great idea for us to clean all of this up, improve our existing options here, and add “muting” for even more control and granularity. Sadly, however, it just isn’t high enough on our list of priorities to tackle anytime soon. We don’t want to simply tack on muting for the sake of doing it—we want to do a better job than that. I hope that makes sense!

Thanks for your question. It was an important one to address. If anything should change here, you will get news through the usual channels: here at WIP, or at @changes. 

[drunkinyourbenz]

YOU DON'T REALLY NEED A BREAK

☆ SYNOPSIS: in which billie is stressed, so naturally she needs you more than ever. unbenkownst to her, she takes it too far. ☆ PART ONE ☆ RELATIONSHIP: dom!billie eilish x fem!reader ☆ WARNINGS: SMUT, use of safe word, angst, fluff, comfort, mean billie, reader is a little bratty, situationship/fwb, angry sex, crying, strap-on, edging, degradation, petnames, name calling (slut, whore, brat, etc.), choking, hair pulling, humiliation, dumbification, toxic dynamic (except less so because billie's realising things hehe), unedited. ☆ REQUESTED: yes, by a bunch of anons ☆ NOTE: y'all read my mind with these reqeusts i was already thinking of writing a part two abt exactly this and you all had the same idea!! sorry this took so long lmao exams are kicking my ass :/ this is very unedited sorry for any mistakes i read it through once and then posted it lmao read part one first for it to make more sense ☆ WORD COUNT: 3.5k words

billie hadn’t texted you in a little over a week, and you almost thought that she wasn’t ever going to again. the last time you’d seen her had ended like all of the other nights, she’d cleaned you up and then left you alone in the silent hotel room. usually, she’d text afterwards, just to make sure you were feeling okay, but there was nothing. the last text between the two of you was when you’d asked where she was when she was late that night. 

the two of you normally hooked up at least a few times a week, and you’d never actually gone a week without her since you started this four months ago.

you thought the worst: someone else had replaced you as her favourite. you’d always thought it would happen, but you thought you might have a few more times before it was over. but from the looks of it, you weren’t ever going to see her again. 

which was fine, obviously. you didn’t care—or that’s what you kept telling yourself. you had agreed to a no-commitment thing when you two started whatever this was, and she could do whatever she wanted. it stung a little bit that she wasn’t doing you, but ultimately, there was nothing you could do about it. 

so when you got home from a long day, thoroughly exhausted, your plan for the night was to hide in your bed and watch 2000s tv shows until you passed out. you showered, taking your time to wash your hair and feeling your tense and tired muscles relax under the hot stream of water. once out of the shower, you changed into some comfortable clothes, flopping down on your bed in relief. you were ready to finally just cuddle up under the blankets like you’d been wishing you could do all day.

about eleven minutes into the gilmore girls episode you were up to—rewatching for the hundredth time—your phone pinged, and you almost just ignored it, but you picked it up with a groan. 

your eyes widened when you saw it was from billie, the last number you expected to text. your heart almost skipped a beat.

billie: come over?

you paused for a moment, conflicted. you truly were exhausted, and it had been such a long day, and all you wanted to do was sleep, you honestly weren’t in the mood for what you knew billie would want. but… it was billie. 

so, inevitably, you ended up at her door. you were still in the clothes you’d changed into the moment you got home, just some comfortable sweatpants and a top—billie wouldn’t care about what you wore, she wanted you to be comfortable. plus, you knew full well that you wouldn’t be wearing them for long. 

you knocked on the door, and it opened within mere seconds, almost as if billie had been waiting by the door for you to show up. from the look on her face, you wouldn’t be surprised. she looked stressed, angry, and desperate. you looked her up and down, your eyes settling on her face. she was wearing a pretty similar outfit to you, sweatpants that hung low on her hips, the “HIT ME HARD AND SOFT” waistband of her boxers peeking out, and a white tank top that you could see the slight hint of her nipples peeking through. her arms were bare and your eyes seemed to gravitate towards the toned muscles there, which never failed to make your brain short circuit. paired with the noticeable outline of her strap in her pants, it was almost too much for you to take. 

you noticed the way her eyebrows were slightly furrowed and her eyes were narrowed in a firm gaze, the frustration was clear on her face. “rough day?” 

she groaned, and when she spoke, her voice had a slight rasp to it, “you have no idea.” 

the two of you fell into silence, just staring at each other for a few long moments. it wasn’t a comfortable silence, it was one that hung in the air around you, a claustrophobic silence. there were words left unspoken between the two of you that poked their heads around the corner but never truly revealed itself, it left you wondering when it would snap, but it never did. the two of you stared at each other for what felt like lifetimes, you waiting for billie to do something, and billie simply savouring the feeling of having you in front of her again. 

finally, she spoke, her voice still holding that same raspiness—which alone could get you on your knees for her. “it’s pathetic that you’re here so fast, considering i ghosted you for a week. you’re just a desperate slut for me, aren’t you? not that you’d be good for anything else.”

the bluntness of her words sent a chill down your spine, this was exactly what you’d expected. why else would billie text you after a week of not talking, if not to use her favourite girl? 

billie continued talking before you could even get a word in, it was like she’d read your thoughts. she leaned closer, her lips brushing your ear as she spoke, “you know i could just call over any of my girls and they’d be here in a heartbeat, and they’d be exactly the same. pathetic, desperate, and begging.”

you raised an eyebrow at her words. you knew what she was doing, trying to wind you up, get you to act out. you had honestly intended to just be her good girl tonight because you were so tired, but you knew she adored it when you acted up. so you spoke with the bratty tone you knew she loved.

“sure you could. but none of them are here now, are they? you called me.” 

the brattiness, especially when she was in a mood like this, made her eyes light up. your brattiness was her favourite thing, she loved it when you gave her an excuse to be harsher and meaner than she was on a normal day. so, when you talked back to her, she lets out a dark laugh. “don’t fuckin’ test me, mama.” 

you let a soft scoff fall past your lips, “or what?” 

“you know i’ll put you in your place, i’ve done it before.” and then you realised, this was what set you apart. this was why you were her favourite. you weren’t afraid to act up, so she didn’t have to be afraid of taking it too far. she could push you, because you pushed her. “maybe you should. you want to blow off steam, don’t you?”

at your words, her lips twitched upwards into a slight, barely noticeable smirk. you knew she would be taking them as a challenge, “you’re gonna have to drop the bratty attitude eventually, mamas.”

“maybe you should make me.”

that was exactly what she wanted—she wanted you to keep going, keep winding her up. she wanted you to give her a reason to pin you down and tear you apart; and you gave her that reason with that simple suggestion.

she took your wrist in her hand, her grip almost painful as she tugged you behind her to her bedroom. the air felt different than it normally did when you were here, everything felt so tense. her entire body language screamed irritated, dominant. but it wasn’t the normal kind of dominance she normally exuded. billie always had this kind of casual dominance that just hung around her, her presence was just effortlessly assertive. this is different, she had a look in her eyes you hadn’t seen before—she was always mean, but this was her normal level of mean times ten. 

she was clearly in a whole new headspace, not one you were familiar with. this wasn’t just dominant, wasn’t just mean, no, it was something else. she wasn’t just a little stressed, she didn’t just have a little bit of frustration she needed to take out on you, this was worse. it was an almost animalistic kind of energy, one that’s so raw, so intense, you knew you wouldn’t be able to walk by the time she was finished with you.

she took one of the belts from her merch from her dresser, shoving you backwards onto the bed and tying your hands to the headboard. she tugged it slightly, making sure it was firm but not too tight. it sent a rush of excitement through you, and you knew she felt the same. 

“gonna use you, mamas,” you knew from those words that she was going to absolutely ruin you, and you could tell by the look in her eyes.

sure enough, no more than five minutes later, she had her strap deep inside of you and was pounding into you at a bruising pace. the strap was bigger than the one she usually used, and it made you ache with a constant stinging pain. she hadn’t given you any time to adjust, and had started as she meant to go on. you were naked and on her bed, with her on top of you, fucking into you at a brutal pace. your hands were still tied up with her belt and the ache it brought only amplified the pleasure. one of her hands had your hair in a firm grasp, solely to make you feel the sting of pain it brought. she wanted to bring you to tears. her other hand grabbed a handful of your ass, squeezing it before letting her hand fall down on your ass in a harsh slap. 

the intense pleasure of her cock inside you and her finger circling your clit was a perfect contrast to the pain her hands brought you, and a trail of moans fell from your lips. “b-billie-” 

a mean, almost cruel laugh left her lips, “god, you’re such a slut.” another slap landed on your ass, “it’s pathetic, really. i mean, i can ghost you for as long as i want,” another slap. “and you’re still at my door in five minutes as soon as i ask.” slap, “pathetic fuckin’ whore.” 

you whined, which simply made her laugh. in her own sadistic way, she was enjoying this. 

this continued for what felt like hours—maybe it was, you had no idea. every time you got slightly close to your orgasm, she’d pull out, tugging you away from the edge. by now, you had tears rolling down your cheeks, and the fine line between pleasure and pain was slowly but surely being crossed. 

“fuckin’ take it,” she breathed. “god, you look so dumb around my cock. all you’re good for, hm? spreading your legs and taking it like the slut you are?”

you whimpered, and she simply slapped your ass again. 

this continued for much longer, and she wasn’t even mad at you for being bratty, not in the slightest. she just needed an outlet for her bad mood, and that was what you were. merely a way for her to release her frustrations. 

you let out a choked sob, your body trembling, “billie, please, i can’t—” 

you knew she wasn’t doing this because she had anything against you, there had been something deeply wrong with her day. she had never been this downright cruel before, and you knew her well enough to know that she wouldn’t act like this without reason. but it was too much, and you weren’t sure how much more you could take. she hadn’t asked for your colour even once tonight, and that thought alone was putting you on edge. sure, her being rough turned you on, but right now it was scaring you just as much. this was darker than you’d experienced in all four months of your friends with benefits situation with her, and you weren’t sure if you liked it. 

you felt the strap hit your most sensitive spot, and you let out a sound that was a mix of a moan and a sob. “billie–” 

“like being used by me, yeah? taking everything i give you like a slut?”

you weren’t sure when you realised that you actually weren’t enjoying it anymore, but it was obvious all of a sudden. it hurt, and not in a good way. you were exhausted from both your day and the sheer amount of time she’d been edging you for. the way your arms had been tied to the bed for so long was making them ache painfully, and at some point down the line, your tears of pleasure had turned into tears of pain. 

you normally had the safety net of knowing that she was paying attention to your signals, knowing that she didn’t want to hurt you. but it didn’t even feel like she was aware of what she was doing, she was so caught up in herself and drowning out her own frustrations. you hated that lack of awareness, it was like she wouldn’t even notice if she actually hurt you. 

she looked like she was about to speak again, so before she could get out another degrading comment, you gasped out, “red, billie–”

whatever half formed sentence billie had been about to say died on her tongue, your gasped words making her freeze inside of you. her mind suddenly went silent, her frustrated thoughts about her day coming to a halt as she looked down at you with wide, almost scared eyes. you’d never actually used your safeword—obviously it was something that the two of you had communicated, but billie had never expected to actually go too far, to push you to that. she was meant to check in on your colours, and she felt an intense pang of guilt when she realised that she hadn’t done that. 

as she looked at you, noticing the tears and the exhausted expression, as well as the way your wrists were visibly sore from being tied for so long, she felt a sense of dread. she was overcome with shame and she didn’t know what to do about it. her breath caught in her throat as she processed what was going on.

“shit, i’m so sorry.” after a moment, she shook herself out of her paralysed shock, she would’ve pulled out immediately, but she was aware that that would just hurt you even more. so she leaned over, quickly untying the belt around your wrists and letting it fall to the ground beside the bed. she massaged your wrists gently for a moment, trying to soothe you. 

her hands moved over your tense muscles, trying to ease some of the soreness. she brushed some of your hair out of your eyes, her touch soft and cautious. “i-i’m so sorry, baby. i never wanted to push you that far.”

you knew that. you knew that she would never actually intend to hurt you, you knew that she wasn’t herself. you didn’t need her to over explain herself, you just needed her to hold you. the hand that had been pushing your hair out of your eyes moved to stroke your cheek, and you could see the intense guilt in her eyes. 

“i’m gonna pull out now, okay?” her voice trembled slightly as she spoke, eyes fixed on your face. 

you simply nodded, hissing slightly in pain as she gently pulled the strap out of you. billie felt her stomach twist at your obvious pain, knowing that she had done that. “i know, i’m so sorry.”

once she was out of you, she climbed off you and gently shifted you so you were sitting further up the bed, propped up on the pillows slightly. her mind was clearly racing with what she could do to help, “do you need anything? water, food, whatever?”

you shook your head softly. if your brain hadn’t been so exhausted, you probably would have thought more rationally about this. but you didn’t, and you didn’t once consider the limited affection in your dynamic. “can you just hold me?” 

billie didn’t hesitate, she just nodded instantly. “yeah, of course i can.” she joined you further up the bed, pulling you into her arms. she held you against her chest gently, her fingers soothingly running through your hair while her hand rubbed your back softly. 

you could hear her heartbeat, it was fast and a clear reminder of how stressed she was. you spoke softly, “it’s okay, seriously.”

but it wasn’t okay, not to billie. she had hurt you, she had pushed you too far, even when you were already clearly tired. she should’ve known better, and the guilt was weighing down from her and eating her up from the inside. not to mention she was terrified that this might be your last straw, that you might never want to see her again, that she might have broken your trust. wondering why she cared so much about her casual fling’s feelings was something that would have left her perplexed on any other day, but it was not currently at the forefront of her mind. “but–”

“it’s okay.” you said firmly, “i wouldn’t be asking you to hold me if i was uncomfortable around you.” 

those words seemed to ease billie’s nerves slightly, and she tightened her arms around you, holding you close. after a few minutes of this, she gently pulled you to sit in your lap, and you shifted so that your head was buried in the crook of her neck. you could feel her breathing on your skin, and you could feel her chest rising and falling with each breath. it was incredibly grounding, the feeling of just being close to her. ever so slowly, you felt your breathing calm and your heart rate slow down. 

at least an hour passed as you were just laying there in her arms, your breathing syncing with hers as her fingers ran through your hair. it was a foreign thing, for the two of you to be this close without sex, but it felt so right. it was like you were made to be in her arms, despite the situation that had brought you here. you could sense her guilt, and if you’d been a bit more aware of what was going on, you probably would’ve realised that there was something more behind that guilt—something deeper than just feeling bad for pushing you. but you were unaware, it wasn’t really what took place at the front of your mind. 

the room was filled with only the sound of both of you breathing, and your mind was taken over by the calming feeling of her playing with your hair. after a while, she broke the silence. “d’you wanna borrow something to wear?” 

you couldn’t deny that you liked the feeling of this skin to skin contact, but you also knew that it was a good idea. so you nodded quietly, and she delicately lifted you off her lap and set you down on the bed. she walked over and grabbed you an oversized t-shirt to wear, and she walked into the ensuite to grab a damp cloth. she came back over and gently wiped your thighs with the cloth, at this point you didn’t flinch too much because it had been so long. she held out the t-shirt, which you recognised as one she had worn at some point.

“arms up, darling.” that was a new pet name, but you didn’t comment. instead, you just lifted your arms and allowed her to slip the top over your head. it smelt like her, which somehow just added to the comfort. 

soon enough, she was back on the bed and you were back in her arms. she was laying down and you were laying with her, partly on top of her and partly just cuddled up to her side. this hadn’t happened before between the two of you, but you certainly weren’t complaining. her bed was comfortable, and her arms around you felt like a cocoon you never wanted to grow out of. 

gradually, your breathing started to slow as the exhaustion caught up on you, both from the recent events and your already tiring day. your head slumped onto her shoulder as a yawn fell from your lips, to which billie smiled softly. 

“do you want to stay the night?” 

that was not something you’d ever expected billie to say, but you hummed softly against her shoulder. “if that’s okay, yeah.”

you could’ve sworn you heard a sigh of relief from billie, “of course it’s okay, please stay. i want you to stay.” 

and so you did. you stayed that night, wrapped up in billie’s arms. it was so new, but it felt so right. that night had been an irreversible shift in your relationship, for both obvious reasons and more hidden ones. you knew that the two of you would have to talk about some stuff in the morning, and you knew you’d have to set some more boundaries. but you also felt closer to her than you ever had, somehow. 

little did you know, that night was just as  meaningful for billie as it was for you. she had had a revelation, one that she would likely keep to herself for a while, although there was no doubt you would find out eventually. 

but there was no doubt that billie wanted you to stay, longer than she’d ever thought.

[blossominghunnie]

𝐒𝐮𝐧𝐬𝐞𝐭

Pairing: Gryffindor!Jaehyun x Slytherin!fem!reader

Genre: Fluff, established relationship, secret relationship, hogwarts au, golden retriever x black cat trope

Warning: Cussing

Notes: In my MyungJae feels, as usual, lmao.

You had been dating Jaehyun, the puppy-like Gryffindor, for about half a year now.

He was the complete opposite of you, who were an introvert and reserved person. But you know what they say, opposites attract.

You were sitting with your friends at the Slytherin table, quietly listening to their chatter and joining once in a while.

You took a look around the crowded Great Hall, your eyes instinctively searching for a certain Gryffindor. It wasn’t long until you found him, looking right at you with loving eyes, and a soft smile that you shyly reciprocated.

You felt your cheeks getting warm, so you looked away while Jaehyun kept smiling, he thought you looked adorable whenever he made you blush or just in general.

A voice made you look up, it was your friend Bahiyyih, or Bayyih, as you called her.

“Y/n! Who are your smiling at?” She curiously asked.

“N-no one, I don’t know what you’re talking about.” You stuttered a little.

“I saw you, too. Who was it?” Your other friend, Anton asked teasingly.

“No one, now let me eat.” You tried to find a way to escape the conversation, since you weren’t ready to come clean and tell your friends about your secret boyfriend.

“Don’t get angry, Y/nnie.” Anton squished your cheek teasingly.

“Stop.” You hit him in the hand, making them laugh. Which made you laugh, too.

After eating dinner, you were heading towards your common room, when you felt a hand grab your arm and pull you. You closed your eyes for a second and after you opened them you had Jaehyun in front of you; you figured he was using his invisibility cloak, something he wore when he went to visit you late at night or sporadically throughout the day.

“Jae! What the hell!” You placed your hand above your heart. “You scared me.”

“I’m sorry, love.” He giggled a little bit. You blushed, still getting used to the petname.

“What’s up?” You asked.

“I just wanted to see if you wanted to go to the Astronomy Tower later, to watch the sunset.” Jaehyun responded nervously.

You found it so cute how he would still get nervous around you, even if you were dating.

“Sure!” You smiled and after thinking for a second you gave him a delicate kiss on the cheek. “I’ll see you later, Jae.” You exited the cloak after making sure that nobody saw you, leaving behind the flustered Gryffindor who wore a dumb smile.

Meanwhile you rushed to your room, thankfully Bayyih and your other roommate weren’t there.

You sat on your bed and read for a while until it was time to head out. You left the room and headed down the stairs. As you walked across the common room you saw your two best friends chilling on the coach.

You mentally cursed and tried to walk past them without being seen, but you weren’t lucky.

“Y/n! Come join us!” Anton called you.

“I can’t, I’m going to the library.” You responded with the first thing that came to mind.

“Why?” Bayyih questioned.

“Gotta study for the Transfiguration test.”

“But that’s in two weeks.” Anton responded lifting an eyebrow.

“I know, but I want to start studying, you know how hard those exams are.”

“But you never study in advance, you’re too lazy.” The girl said while crossing her arms. “What are you hiding from us?”

“Nothing!”

“Hmm… are you ditching us for some else?” The boy dramatically asked while widening his eyes. “Perhaps for a secret boyfriend?”

“W-what? What secret boyfriend?” You started getting nervous that they had figured out your secret.

“Oh my god, Y/n! You have a secret boyfriend and you didn’t tell your best friends?” Bayyih gasped.

You sighed, knowing you had been caught. “Ugh, yeah. I have one.”

“What the hell, when did that happen?”

“Hmm, six months ago.”

“What?!” Both screamed, you just smiled sheepishly.

“I’m sorry for not telling you, okay! I thought you weren’t gonna like him or something.”

“Why wouldn’t we like him?” Anton asked. “Please don’t tell me he’s a Gryffindor.”

“Then I won’t tell you that.”

“Oh god.” Bayyih covered her mouth in disbelief. “Is it Sungchan? He’s kinda cute.”

“I guess. But no, it’s Jaehyun.”

“Myung Jaehyun? But he’s too extroverted for you, you’re much more calm.”

“I know, but you know that they say that opposites attract.”

“So cliqué, god.” The three of you laughed.

“I would love to keep chatting but I gotta meet Jaehyun.”

They nodded. “Have fun and tell us if he does anything you don’t like and we’ll kick his ass or bewitch him, okay?”

“Sure, thanks guys.” You hugged them. You weren’t much of an affectionate person, at least to most people but you were thankful for your friends.

You parted ways and resumed your walk towards the Astronomy Tower. You tried to be as careful as possible since you didn’t want Filtch to catch you, or any other teacher, since students weren’t allowed to be there unless it was for class.

You finally arrived and saw your lover by the balcony.

“I’m so sorry for being late, baby.” You tried to catch your breath. “Oh, funny story, by the way. Anton and Bayyih intercepted me and figured out we’re dating, so.”

There was a moment of silence.

“Jae?”

“Y-you called me baby.”

“Yeah, is that okay?” You asked worriedly.

“Of course, princess! I was just surprised because you’ve never said it before.”

You felt relieved. “I guess it slipped out.”

He pulled you into a side hug, placing his arm around your waist.

“It sounds so cute, I hope you keep calling me that.”

You just giggled and placed your head on his arm since you couldn’t reach his shoulder properly because of the height difference.

“Are you not mad that my best friends know about us?”

He shook his head. “Never, now I won’t have to hide whenever you’re with them.”

“Yeah.” You both chuckled. “Oh, look! The sun is going down!” You exclaimed, happy that you didn’t miss it. “Wow, it’s so pretty.”

“Just like you.” Jaehyun cheekily said. You blushed and hit him gently on the arm which made him laugh.

You stayed on his arms until it became night.

Oh, what a great way to end your day.

════ ⋆★⋆ ════

Boynextdoor masterlist || Main masterlist

[glorysalazar]

No Duolingo, no problem

Jere Pöyhönen / Käärijä x Fem! Reader

Summary: You moved to Finland a few weeks ago and can't seem to feel at home: you're starting at a new job, you don't understand the language, you're kind of going through a break up... One tired and cold evening you head into the first bar you can find and briefly meet a cute guy you can't stop thinking about for the next few weeks. You try to forget about him, but when you go back to the same bar for some random gig your coworkers have invited you to go to, you find him again. [This takes place way before Eurovision]

Word count: 5.9k

Warnings: English isn't my first language and I got a little lazy mid writing. Also they smoke a vape oops (seriously now don't do it it's shit for your health). Maybe smut implications at the end?

A/N: I didn't know what to name this lmao. I cannot believe I wrote fanficiton for the first time in YEARS because I fell in love with a Finnish guy after watching Eurovision. Anyway, I noticed an enormous shortage of Jere fics and decided to risk my final exams to serve the people. I hope it's worth it! Also apologies if the Finnish translation is shit I used a random website for it lol

Glossary:

"Anteeksi, pudotit takkisi" -> "Sorry, you dropped your coat"

"Jere, istuimme takapöydässä" -> "Jere, we are sitting at the back table"

"Olen tulossa" -> "I'm on my way"

"Hetkinen, kiitos!" -> "One moment, please!"

"Jere, sinun vuorosi on kymmenen minuutin kuluttua" -> "Jere, you're on in ten minutes"

"Minä menen nyt" -> "Coming"

"Hei kaikille, miten meillä menee tänään?" -> "Hi everyone, how are we doing today?"

"Kiitos, Mikko, arvostan sitä todella" -> "Thank you, Mikko, I really appreciate it"

"Miten uskallat tulla tänne?" -> "How dare she come here?"

"Meidän on hyödynnettävä sitä" -> "We'll have to make use of it"

"Mikä on sana?" -> "What's the word?"

...

It was cold. Hell, it was colder than she could have ever imagined before coming here. Sure, she had checked the country's temperatures before moving, researched online about what to expect for someone who was used to easy winters, had bought the fuzzy-fur-on-the-inside-boots and the heavy jacket and all that was recommended to face the never-ending snowing. But still, it somehow hadn't been enough.

A job offer and the need to find some new purpose to latch onto had led (Y/N) here. Now three weeks in, with no friends and hardly a place to call her home had helped regret start to settle in. So many things felt out of her control: the way her colleagues seemed to think she was a mess, the cashiers at the supermarket sighing because she still didn't understand the language, everyone from her hometown rolling their eyes when she announced she was leaving in a way that meant you're not gonna make it.

Yet being thrown outside her comfort zone, and being forced to move on however she could manage, made her feel at least some kind of thrive. Which was far more than she had back home.

As she walked down the street for some place to find shelter in, hands shaking and breaths almost uneven, a neon sign caught her attention. Even though she couldn't figure out the name, it looked like a pretty okay bar. She didn't need much convincing anyway; anything would do to get out of this freezing gale. She made her way in.

The warmth was a instant relief. Stripping down from the many layers of upper clothes, she took a quick glance to check the place out. Not many people, which was fair for a Wednesday evening. There was low music playing, mild chatter and a bunch of people sitting alone in the stools, which was a relief. At least she wouldn't be the only one.

As she ordered a beer (one of the few phrases she had made sure to master) she felt her hands come alive again. The beverage came along and she took a long, much anticipated sip. It tasted significantly different from the brands she was used to, but it was just fine. Alcohol is alcohol.

Finally feeling at ease, she took her phone out and started mindlessly scrolling through social media to kill some time. It was still early in the evening since she had just gotten out from work. An extra challenging day is what had led her to wander outside for a bit instead of heading back to the dull apartment she hadn't even been able to decorate yet. Going home right after would've led her to start overthinking if this job was even right for her, if she had gone crazy by moving hundreds of kilometres away from what she's always known, if her ex-girlfriend had been right when she accused her of being too impulsive, if it would be such a bad thing to give it up already and leave—

"Anteeksi, pudotit takkisi", she heard a voice say behind her.

When she turned around to give her "sorry I still don't speak Finnish" speech, she was met with a blue-eyed, dark-haired, funky but sweet looking guy holding her jacket, which she now understood had fallen to the floor. It caught her by surprise that she somehow forgot how to speak for a brief moment.

"Oh! Thank you, I hadn't noticed it was on the floor" she ended up answering, taking the jacket back as the man handed it to her with a confused look in his eyes. "Sorry, I'm not from here. I don't speak Finnish yet" she added with a small chuckle.

"No, don't worry, Finnish, uh- hard language to learn" he answered through an amusing smile, with a thick accent and a clear struggle to speak English.

She half laughed at his answer. Until now, people hadn't been so kind about the language-barrier impediment. "Yes, it is a little bit", she followed, now taking in his appearance.

Painted nails. Double nose piercings. Earrings. Facial hair. A bowl cut? Interesting choice, but it suited him surprisingly well. Her brain decided through that brief examination: he was cute. Attractively cute.

"You can try Duolingo. I use for my English, but don't work very very well" the man said the second part more as a correction to himself, making both of them laugh from the random half advice. He tried to fix it: "Maybe for you works better".

"Maybe. I'll check it out. Thank you again" her response was going to be followed by an invitation for him to sit down with her, as she felt a sudden wave of boldness: I need to make some friends in this town or else I'll go crazy. But a group of three other guys that had come in after him caught her stranger's attention.

"Jere, istuimme takapöydässä", one of them said to him, while walking to a table at the back corner of the bar.

"Olen tulossa" he turned around to answer, then looked at her once more, "I go now with my friends. Enjoy your beer" he smiled and small-waved goodbye, as she copied his gesture. "Enjoy your evening".

That small interaction was enough for her to spend the next half hour looking up from her phone, which she had retreated to, to glance at him from time to time. His group of friends and him seemed to be having a good time, and she enjoyed the view of him. He looked like a very interesting person, too, and if she was being honest, she hadn't been struck by someone new in quite some time. Not by her neighbors, not by the people she was starting to coincide with at the grocery shop, not even by her co-workers.

She noticed him looking at her from time to time as well.

When her glass was empty and just as the clock on her phone struck seven, she got up and got prepared to face the freezing wind once again. At least it wasn't that long of a walk to her place.

She lingered for a moment before exiting the bar, then finally did so while warning herself not to get too caught up on the nice stranger she suddenly felt she was leaving behind. It was just a one minute interaction. You probably won't see him again. Quit this teenager act. Focus on the important tasks ahead of you.

It was already pitch black outside, snow accumulated on the sidewalks, the air was even colder than before.

Excitement started to bubble up in the pit of her stomach.

...

Two weeks had gone by and although she had been meaning to return to the bar, she just hadn't find the time to do so. Once the job's training period ended, the hectic rythm started. In her free time, when she wasn't taking care of the house or just resting, she was trying to find some language academy where she could actually properly learn Finnish. Cute guy had been right: Duolingo just didn't do the trick.

She had hoped he would appear around the neighborhood, that maybe he lived nearby. But there had been no luck. It was fine, though. She knew she would let go of it rather quickly at that point, it's not like she had been thinking about his addictive smile or pretty eyes or soft-looking hands. Not at all.

It was Friday, and some acquaintances from work she had managed to pull off had invited her to a small gig. She didn't even remember the musician's name nor did she know where it was going to be, but nevertheless she was happy to go and actually get to have some fun with other people. Who knows, cute guy might even be there.

She didn't even realize they were headed to the bar until they were right in front of it. Inside, a small stage platform had been set up and tables and chairs had been removed to make space for the audience. It wasn't very spacey anyway, the place could hold about a hundred people squeezed together tops.

"Huh, hadn't even thought of this place as a venue" she let her thoughts trail out loud.

"Have you been here before?" her coworker Aubrey, who she had slightly bonded with because she was also a foreigner, asked her. "Only once" the girl explained, already searching for a certain someone's face in the crowd. "So, who have you brought me to see tonight?" she asked, in the hopes of at least getting some conversation non-work related flowing. "I don't really know, coming here was Mikko's idea. He's always trying to get us into these weird small rap-rock Finnish bands, and listen, I've lived here for over a year now and I still don't really get the hype" Aubrey explained making both of them laugh "But it always ends up being fun when we go out" she added.

The rest of the group had moved forward to get a good spot near the humble stage, as Mikko babbled on and on about nonsense the two women couldn't figure out from the distance. "Hey, I'm going to the bathroom real quick. Mind saving me a place?" (Y/N) asked her colleague, who answered affirmatively.

She made her way through the crowd in between "excuse me's" and "sorry's" but got there with quite ease. One of the two toilet doors had a sign that read "Out of order", so she knocked on the one that was left to check if anyone was inside. A voice that sounded vaguely familiar came from the other side: "Hetkinen, kiitos!"

Nervousness suddenly struck her. Is this who I think it is?

When the door opened there was no doubt. Cute stranger was standing in front of her.

"Oh! Hello" he blurted out just as he saw her, sounding surprised. Today he was wearing eye makeup and bottom eyeliner, which suited him very, very well. He has such a pretty face.

She realized now she had not been able to get over this guy in the two weeks of not seeing him, even though she didn't even know his name.

"Hi" was all she could manage to say. She had been looking for him when she entered the bar but she was convinced he was not actually going to be there, "It's good to see you!" she added, as a way of avoiding an awkward silence.

"You as well. You, uh, you come to... concert?" he inquired, struggling to find the last word while pointing towards the direction where the stage was to make sure he was being understood.

She noticed he was wearing an all yellow outfit that consisted of corduroy pants and a button up. He looks good in it.

"Yes, some work friends brought me here. But if I'm being honest I don't even know who's playing" she confessed, slightly covering her mouth with one of her hands to joke around, as if she had spilled a dark secret. Stranger burst out laughing. His laugh was cute. "Do you know if he's good? I wanna know if I'll be wasting my time or not" she asked him, pretending to be a diva to keep his laugh going.

He had his arms crossed and his tongue between his teeth as he slightly giggled. "No, I think he's pretty ok. I think you will like, even if no understand" his answer was playful and accompanied with another small laugh. She continued joking around, this time putting her hands up in pretend self defense "Hey, I'll try my best. Maybe using Duolingo for two days actually did something" she shot back, realizing after saying those words that she had just told Mr. Stranger she had followed his advice.

He narrowed his eyes and tilted his head playfully "You did what I say to you" he stated. "Yes, but you were right. It's not really helpful. Now I just keep getting emails from the goddamn owl and feel scared that he's going to find me and kill me for not going back to the app" she explained exaggeratedly, which made their giggles grow bigger and even he bent his knees with laughter.

Their little chit-chatting was cut when a man who looked like he had been searching for someone stopped in his tracks at the beginning of the bathroom hall and shouted at them: "Jere, sinun vuorosi on kymmenen minuutin kuluttua". She turned around to look at the source of the voice and then back at stranger when he answered "Minä menen nyt". She wished she knew what they were saying, but she assumed it had just been his friend telling him to hurry up. Also, was Jere his name? She had heard it two times already.

"Someone's always calling out for you", she commented when they were left alone again. "It's because me popular, yes yes" he joked, putting a hand to his chest and shrugging. "Listen, I go now. Concert starting soon" he explained, pointing out to the stage's direction once again "I see you there?" he asked, eyebrows raised as he put a hand to her shoulder, looking into her eyes. His blue ones had her mind going blank for a moment. That seemed to happen a lot when he was around. "Uh- yeah, sure, see you there". He smiled again then moved past her to return to the hall. She stared at him leave as she opened the door to the bathroom and finally went inside, smiling to herself and biting her bottom lip.

She hurried back once she was finished not only in fear of missing out the start of the concert, but more so in fear of not finding him again. Aubrey raised her hand to catch her attention and she followed the lead back to the group. The place was packed, it was hot, and there was a lot of chatter going on.

"What took you so long?", Aubrey asked as she got to her side, just in front of the stage, "They're about to start". (Y/N) was standing on her tiptoes and turning her head in all directions. She had just talked to him and the bar was not that big: where the hell had he hid himself?

"There was a long line to the bathroom..." she started off distantly, then turned to face Aubrey "Hey, this is going to sound weird, but have you seen-" just when she was going to make the question, she noticed some people walking up to the stage and everyone started cheering.

As she looked up, she couldn't have been more dumbfounded.

It was him. Mr Stranger was the one performing tonight.

"Hei kaikille, miten meillä menee tänään?" he shouted out to the public, (Y/N) assumed as a way of greeting everyone. He took no time noticing she was right there, which made him grin even wider. "I see we have international people tonight. Good" he said while looking directly at her. She felt her coworkers eyes on her.

"Do you know him?" Aubrey whispered-shouted to her, "I- uh, no, yes? Briefly" she responded back as he continued on in Finnish. She remembered the question she had made him earlier and mentally facepalmed. This cheeky dude. Lying to her face just so he could later get her reaction.

Since there was no way of understanding what he said, she concentrated on what she could see. Two men behind him wearing pink shirts and shorts and sunglasses. A DJ table, no instruments. There was a sign hanging from the wall that read "Käärijä". Was that his artistic name? She was very intrigued by everything going on and wondered what genre he was going to play.

She had no idea what was coming.

As soon as he stopped talking and the music started playing, his demeanor changed. His stare became fiercer, his movements provocative and unleashed. He walked around the stage like he owned it, stared at the audience like he knew they would do whatever he asked them. Every beat before he started singing rumbled inside her, made her hold her breath in anticipation. She let it out once the words started to fall from his mouth.

The lyrics could have been shit for all she knew. His deep voice, the exotic pronunciation, the hard rapping from the boy who had seemed so sweet and wholesome but was now showing another side of him, the song's rhythm and tone. She was all in. So in, that her body started swaying to the sound almost like an automatic response, and jumped around alongside everyone else when the music demanded to do so.

"Ok, he's really good" she said to her coworkers as the crowd sung alongside him. "Mikko, you were right, he's really good" she insisted to the boy beside her, who was clearly enjoying himself. "I told you!" he answered amidst chanting, "Jere is my most talented friend". Oh, okay. Mental note taken.

As he performed his songs, (Y/N) couldn't help but admire the dedication Jere put on and the absolute fun he looked like he was having. Also, she realised he was at least kind of known around here, because people were singng alongside him.

The head banging, self touching, slightly undressing and sticking his tongue out only added more to his eclectic movements and gestures that made the show feel like a mix of energetic, passionate and, why deny it, lascivious state. Her eyes were glued to him in a capitative stare, that he would catch from time to time and hold for a few seconds. Then he would turn to his attention somewhere else, but a smirk would make a clear appearance on his face.

Whenever he finished a number, the loud clapping allowed him some time to take a sip of water. The clothes he was wearing and its material soon became unbearable, which lead him to take his shirt off completely. "Sorry, it is hot in here" he stated into the microphone pretending to excuse himself as a joke, as everyone in the room made a fuss about it. He was heavily sweating all over his face, neck and torso.

If she had previously been absorbed by him, at this point it was almost unbearable. She had not expected to see so much exposed flesh, and the pectoral tattoo nearly had her weak on her knees.

For some reason, freehing himself from his clothes somehow made him behave even wilder from then on out. He started getting closer to the front row, some even holding out their arms to interact with him, him receiving the gesture with no issue. The Fin looked so confident in what he was doing, it only made her feel even more attracted to him.

He moved so quickly (Y/N) didn't even have time to process when he positioned himself right in front of her, amidst performing a song, and full on stroked her cheek for a few lasting moments, all the while mainting direct eye contact. It was as if no one else had been around them, as if this instant had been theirs only. She didn't respond to the touch by touching him herself, since she couldn't find the strength to be as bold; but the breath hitching and swallowing saliva right after were a clear sign to Jere that he made her feel things. He would quite probably feel embarrassed about it later, but right now it made him feel close to powerful.

The whole gig ended on a high note, the applause was strong and lasting. (Y/N) clapped her hands so fast they even started hurting a little, and could understand through the noise that Jere was thanking everyone for coming out to see him. As he was about to exit the stage, some music started playing over the speakers as to signal that the performance was over and everyone could retreat to either leave the bar or get a drink and stay there for a longer while. As the people from the front row turned around and waited to have a chance to move, (Y/N) felt a hand on her shoulder.

Jere looked exhausted, but it also seemed like the whole night had riled him up. "You don't leave now?", he meant to ask, but came out more as a plead. She wouldn't even dream of doing so right now. "No, no, I'm staying" she rushed to answer. "Good. Wait for me?" he went on. She could only manage to nod her head yes. He smiled and quickly went "backstage" to freshen up.

"Okay, what the actual hell was that?" Aubrey took no time to pry her, "It did not look like knowing each other briefly". (Y/N) shrugged while putting her hands in the air and half laughing, not knowing how to beat those allegations.

"It's classic Jere. Finds a girl cute and cannot stop himself" Mikko chimed in, while grinning, "Now I understand, you must be the girl he saw a couple of weeks ago over here, right?"

"He's talked about me?" she said, a bit shocked, while Mikko lead the way for the three of them to go grab a drink. "Yes, well, now that I connect the dots, that evening you came here, it was a Wednesday, right? I came too, but it must've been after you left. When I arrived he was commenting it".

Some of the other coworkers were starting to leave, not without commenting the elephant in the room before grabbing the door. "You're gonna be the talk of the office now", Aubrey asserted, making Mikko laugh and (Y/N) grow redder by the minute. "I don't even- we haven't even talked that much, really. But watching him onstage was..." she trailed off, letting out a sigh and grabbing the drink Mikko offered her, thanking him in the process. "Yes, it's his special trait. That magnetism he holds is what's gonna get him places", he agreed.

"Okay, but does this whole act mean that he always does this? Like, does he take advantage of his concerts to mindlessly flirt with random people?" (Y/N) suddenly tried to rationalize the fast track of actions Jere was taking on with her. Sure, she liked him, and she really, really wanted to have some fun. Needed it, even. This bonding moment with Aubrey and Mikko right now, this non-work related, exciting chatter; the going out; as precipitating as it sounds she was starting to feel like she was finally making friends, establishing a life. But she also didn't want to be played around with.

"Ohhh, no, not necessarily" her coworker laughed, calming her down "Käärijä the performer is seductive, provocative, even uncontrollable" he took a sip from his drink, "But Jere the person is another story. Dude wouldn't even hurt a fly, I mean it" he reassured her. He then was about to say something else, but stopped on his tracks when they all noticed the man of the hour and the tow men who had performed with him coming over to them. However, he quickly commented to the girls the following before Jere could hear them: "If anything, he's the one who has been played around with".

Jere approached Mikko first, going in for a hug, which made total sense given the fact that they were friends. (Y/N) appreciated it, because his last comment had caught her by surprise. He had changed into some track pants and graphic loose t-shirt, and over all he already looked far more calmed down and back to his more, to put it some way, innocent self. Aubrey and (Y/N) exchanged a look before introducing themselves to the guys in pink, who had not changed their outfits. Their names were Jaakko and Aleksi.

"Hey, I recognize you. You were all in the bar that day I was here" she said as a realization. "Yes, we were planning tonight" Aleksi answered, "Did you like it?" he added, to both her and Aubrey.

While the four of them engaged in small talk, the girls understood that Mikko was congratulating his friend on his performance and Jere was thanking him, "Kiitos, Mikko, arvostan sitä todella", he said with appreciation on his face, closed smile and big puppy eyes (Y/N) couldn't ignore. With one last ruffle on his hair from Mikko, the two men stayed with one arm over the other's back and turned to the group.

"Alright, let's talk in English now so we can all understand each other..." Mikko started off. "I see you guys have already introduced yourselves, very good. Now let me introduce you girls to Käärijä himself, although maybe a certain someone doesn't need it" he playfully remarked, making Jere look away while hiding his face and (Y/N) roll her eyes. "Jere, these are (Y/N) and Aubrey from work. Aubrey, (Y/N), this is Jere" he played around using a formal tone and letting out of their embrace.

"Nice to meet you" Aubrey answered, shaking hands with him and gently pushing (Y/N) forward once she was done to signal her to do so as well.

"I finally know your name" he commented, making her chuckle, "Yes, I guess you do". Mikko and Aubrey swiftly moved to give them some space, going over to Jaakko and Aleksi, who were all in in the same unspoken plan.

"You like the show?" he seemed a bit nervous as he rested his elbow on the counter and signaled the waiter to get him a drink, while attentively listening to her answer, "Honestly, I'd never been to one quite like this. I mean, I've been to rock concerts and such, but this energy you guys put on stage was totally new for me. I really enjoyed it tho, you're really good" she sincerely said.

"Oh, thank you, really" Jere put a hand to his chest as to show gratitude, "It was first concert after months of not doing", he further explained, "So means a lot all people who come here, yes. I'm so happy for this, I was worried if not work well". He sounded so humble (Y/N) couldn't help but grow to like his personality even more. She was curious to know why he hadn't played in a way, but also didn't want to intrude, so she opted for another response. "Well you should be. We all had a blast".

"You understand anything I sing?" he wondered with a perky smirk, before taking a sip from the beer that had just landed in front of him. "I didn't need to", she let it out without giving it a second thought, almost as if this was the only real answer she could give, which to her felt absolutely true. He was shocked by it and spilled some of the drink out, quickly catching the dripping by covering his mouth with a napkin.

"Ah, I make fool of me now, great!" he tried to cover up by playing down the incident. She couldn't stop laughing out loud, some people even noticing the whole scene between the two of them, specially Mikko and company who laughed as well from a distance, "That's what you get for lying to me before" she joked, but grabbed a napkin as well to clean his shirt up, softly patting it on his chest. "Sorry, I wanted to surprise" he justified. It was in that moment that she noticed they were almost the same height. When her gaze moved upward from the stain she was cleaning up, his stare was way closer than she had thought. He carried on talking.

"Also, before, I hope I not make you... uh-, mikä on sana epämukavalle?" he looked over at Mikko for help regarding a language inquire.

"Uncomfortable"

"Yes, that" Jere said, "I hope I not make you uncom... uncomfortable when I, you know-" he tried to explain himself, struggling with the pronunciation. He stroked his own cheek to interpret what he attempted to say. "Oh! No no, don't worry, it was- it was okay. I liked it, actually", his relief was evident after she assured him. He let out a nervous giggle.

Then, something caught his attention. His gaze had travelled to the door, past (Y/N), and what he saw made his face turn dead serious, although also sad. Mikko, Aleksi and Jaakko very quickly noticed what was happening. Aubrey and (Y/N) also turned around to check it out: a girl was standing by the entrance looking for someone with a worried expression.

"Miten uskallat tulla tänne?" Jaakko expressed angrily. The three men addressed Jere, who suddenly was a loss of words and course of action.

"Ex alert" Aubrey whispered to (Y/N) while sipping from her drink's straw. "They're asking him if he wants to go talk to her" she informed her friend, which (Y/N) was thankful for. It was really tiring to not catch anything on her own sometimes. While the four men were talking to each other, deciding what to do next, (Y/N) grabbed Jere's arm and everyone's attention fell on her. She just couldn't stop strongly empathizing with him because she had also recently been through a break up and knew how shitty it was. Jere seemed more at ease when she talked, "Are you okay? Do you want to get out of here?" he looked past her again, everyone following his direction and realizing his ex was coming over to them. "I do, please", "Then we're getting out of here", (Y/N) decided, "You guys coming?" she asked the rest. "No, you guys go on. We'll make sure she doesn't follow" Mikko stated, thankful for her determination.

They said rushed goodbyes and (Y/N) got ahold of his hand to guide him towards the door. When they walked past her, she tried to talk, but they were quick to get out.

As per usual, it was freezing. They started to wander off to anywhere.

...

"I'm sorry about having to go"

They had found a comfortable spot in a park overlooking the town's river and had settled there. They had walked for a while, him trying to talk about anything else but his ex.

"Don't sweat it. I fully understand" she comforted him, then took the vape he had previously offered to her and took a puff before continuing, "I got broken up with three months ago... I hate to admit it, but it's part of the reason I ended up deciding to move here", she explained. He listened to her attentively, with a stern face.

The night was silent over here. It was only the sound of the stream and their hushed voices

"Can I ask why the break up?" he inquired, not wanting to pry on too much. "Only if I can ask why the break up", she made him chuckle. "Yes, of course" he accepted.

"She said I was too impulsive and that she couldn't trust me to maintain a steady and stable relationship, because I couldn't even do that with my own life" she sighed after her explanation and rolled her eyes.

"Wow" Jere said, disapproving look on his face "Hard thing to say".

"Yes, but honestly, I don't hold a grudge anymore. She had her right to think that way too. I do so too sometimes" she admitted, handing back the electronic cigarette, since they were taking turns to smoke.

"That's shit" he commented, which made them both laugh, "But I understand, too. "My ex, Sofia, that's her name, she uh- said she not approve of music career" his gaze moved upfront, "She said It's either me or music, and I think she not like my answer" Jere let out a half-sad cackle, "This is all I ever wanted to do. I loved her, I feel like I still do a bit, you know? But..." he nodded negatively before finishing the sentence, "I need someone who give support. What I told you before, the not doing concerts? A part of it was because I got, uh, insecure".

Silence fell between them as they both got lost in their own thoughts for a brief moment.

"You know, for someone who claims to not be good at English, you can maintain quite a deep conversation" her words made him belly laugh again. He looked at her and handed the vape once more. "Don't need Duolingo for that" he referenced. He was about to speak again but cut himself. "You can go on, it's fine", his doe-like blue eyes seeped cherishment.

"Oh, I not know, talking about ex was not in my plans when being alone with a girl I like" he made her blush, "I just thinking that, you know, I'm almost... mikä on sana" he struggled again with the language "Thirty year old?" he doubted if he had said it right, and the girl nodded to indicate him he had, "Thirty year old, and when younger I thought Oh, I achieve my dreams at thirty, have the family, all that... You know? And... nothing of that" he described, "My songs, some say that. But you not understand, so..." he added jokingly to lighten the mood, erupting laughter from her.

"Hey, I'm trying really hard to find a place where I can learn Finnish! Give me a break..." she defended herself, while the giggling from both of them died down. "But, just so you know, most of us feel this way too. Having your life figured out at thirty? That only happens to the lucky ones, I can assure you" she saw his tired expression and put a hand to his shoulder, "And by the way, you're crazy talented. We were all mesmerized by your performance. You can get to whatever place you want to be, and if you don't, well... It won't be because of your fault".

They were once again looking in each other's eyes. His gaze travelled down to her mouth. They were sitting close to one another as to avoid the cold wind. Her heart beat faster. How come did she feel like he had known him for such a long time if this was practically their first ever proper conversation? Yet she couldn't fight it. She had seen so many sides of him in such a short amount of time; she swore she'd never been that much of a romantic but the alcohol, mixed with how vulnerable they both felt in that moment and the fact that she was finally feeling at ease after more than a month of such a big change in her life, probably did the trick.

"Can- can I...?" he started nervously, but was interrupted.

"Yes"

Their lips crashed, finally killing the anticipation. Her hands cupped his face and his ones settled on her waist. She felt his long eyelashes touch her face, his beard tickled her jaw and his hoop piercing was cold on her nose. (Y/N) enjoyed feeling all these parts of Jere on her. He truly was so pretty. And suddenly, she wanted to make sure he knew just how pretty he was and how much he deserved to know it. The wave of boldness she had had to ask him to sit down with her those two weeks ago, but had been interrupted, came back as a stronger force.

When they separated to catch their breath, (Y/N) kept his face close to hers. He was panting through a timid smile and hot red burned his cheeks. She noticed her face doing the same thing.

"My apartment is a five minute walk from here" she suggested.

"Meidän on hyödynnettävä sitä" he whispered, hands going up and down her sides, and the Finnish language had never sounded so seductive to her.

"I didn't catch that",

"You don't need to. I will show you".

[itsyoung8]

If the preppies had Twitter

HI GUYS I'M BACK!!!! Please excuse me for this long absence, I have just finished my exams. So I'm now available to post again regularly!!

A while ago I had thought about (it doesn't happen often so believe me when I say this lol) to make headcanons on a character but I didn't really know who to do and then came up with the idea of doing a "if the students of Bullworth Academy had twitter" so here is what it would look like for preppies:

Pinky Gauthier:

Popular Twitter

She tweets "Hello", she has 500 likes and 152 RT

Twitter is his diary

In her bio there is a link to her Instagram

Derby Harrington:

"Harrington never lose" in bio

Makes problematic tweets

He was suspended several times

Settles scores with Johnny in space every 4 mornings

Bif Taylor:

Defends Derby at all costs whenever he's in the sauce

His pinned is his thread on his favorite hip-hop and rap sounds

His PP (Profile Picture) is him with his Bose Championship belt

He blocked Jimmy after the latter displayed himself with the boxing champion's belt

Tad Spencer:

He has a private account on which he spits his hatred on Derby

He posts pictures of the pastries he makes in his free time

participated in Mister Twitter (I swear we had that in France lmao) but lost

blocked Cedric Grolet

Gord Vendôme:

Twitter with a lot of followers too

Hit-tweets because they're funny

Makes indirect comments on his crush so that the latter understands that Gord is talking about him (this is Vance)

Once he saw a picture of Jimmy in an "awful" outfit (he was the one who said it) he flagged the tweet for violent speech

Parker Ogilvie:

his tweet "WHAT DO YOU MEAN A FRIEND OF MINE DID SOME WEIRD THINGS WITH MY GARDEN GNOME????" it became an iconic tweet

"gnome stan account" in bio

A real ray of sunshine in the TL

More follows than followers but he doesn't care

Chad Morris:

Has put Chester in header

Rt tweets about animal protection

He and Ricky have blocked each other but insult each other's family trees in space

Has a private account where he likes Lola's tweets

Bryce Montrose:

Doesn't have time to go because he juggles classes, work and boxing

Justin Vandervelde:

Tries to make people laugh with his tweets but they flop

When there's a scuffle in space, it adds fuel to the fire

In his "likes" there are only tweets from Ted and the other preppies

His dream is for Ted to follow him back

[ofoceansandtombsanew]

now & forever

cw. olnf week 2024, pre!release, step 2, day 3, pre!relationship, slight angst with a healthy dose of comfort

pairing. qiu lin/hash browns (ft. sparkling leaves)

notes. day 3 of @olnfweek2024. me? writing for qiu lin? i know, check and see if it is hailing in summer i can't believe this is happening either. my good friend @hash-slinging-slasher-trash recently got done with their final exams for their summer semester so this is a treat for them. surprise! (even if i am sure this was obvious considering my questions from yesterday lmao)

“You can roll your neck and stomp your feet but this black girl you sure won’t beat!” Nyla and Serenity chant in audible unison from across campus, moving in accordance to the words. From where they sit, Hash can see Tamarack giggling at the antics. Black Kid Solidarity, Nyla calls it. She finds it where she can. While not a member of that particular duo, Hash’s lips curl into an instinctive smile. The energy is contagious.

Dark raspberry eyes catch blue eyes observing the scene.

“Hi,” Tamarack mouths, her smile small but courteous as she waves.

Hash waves back with a small smile of her own, balancing her tray carefully with one hand. “Hey,” they mouthed back.

Hash remembers Tamarack’s squeals as they climbed atop the tire swing her grandfather set up. The cool autumn wind scratching their cheeks and lifting their laughs and giggles to the heavens.

When was it those times playing in that tire became infrequent? Hash can’t recall; four years is four centuries in teenage years.

Tamarack shuffles to the side on the grass with a hopeful expression, thin eyebrows knit carefully. When did Tamarack start plucking them again? When did I start noticing in the first place? Hash wonders what it says about her that she can’t remember that either when a long time ago it felt like her and Tamarack’s friendship was tighter than gorilla glue. Slowly but surely, that bond had been weathered by the rain.

There were no storms that attacked their friendship. No trials.

Just the passage of time.

Hash sees the spread of trays on the grass, like it’s a picnic. “Sorry,” Hash mouths and Tamarack nods in unsurprised understanding.

Hash and Tamarack were friends; they’re still friends. Standing across a ways from one another during lunch hour, however, the physical distance feels representative of their state of affairs.

Hash, Nyla, Tamarackー The new kids.

Four years ago, it felt like the three of them against the world as fellow newcomers to Acorn Rd. Golden Grove, Oregon.

“You ever stop to think how we’re like a reverse oreo?” Nyla, age 11, noted from where she lazily laid back against the Browns porch step. Summer was the worst season in Golden Grove and not even the chilled watermelon pieces in the bowl split between them could completely fight the heat. “Y’all are the vanilla whites, I’m the chocolate filling.”

Hash choked on their piece, “Nyla, shut up!”

“Hey I’m the one who said it, y’all can laugh,” Nyla stuck out her tongue with a snicker. “Quit smiling if you don’t think it’s funny, Lord Hashington!”

Tamarack’s small hands covered her face, unable to contain her laughter. There hadn’t been an attempt to stop it in the first place. The two of them were always the blunt new kid trio members, saying most anything that came to their mind.

Four years later, the world has split a world with the three of them distinctly in different sects. Friends… but not best friends.

Four years in the past, the kids of the cul-de-sac were a quartet.

Four years in the present, there’s a line. A distinct one.

We’re all still friends, Hash tells themself. Most of us. 

Qiu and Tamarack’s relationship had fallen off compared to the rest. The two of them aside, things aren’t the same anymore and Hash has come to accept that. Tamarack is going to leave one day, tugged down a path by her parents. Qiu sinks more and more into themselves, outsiders unable to penetrate their newfound icy fortress. Nyla’s problems are harder to look into when she keeps them hidden behind bad jokes and laidback nonchalance.

Of their original friend group, everyone has a favorite.

Nyla and Tamarack’s eyes have always been reserved for each other.

Qiu has Hash and Hash has Qiu.

Nyla’s lunch hour is reserved for Tamarack and Hash’s hour has always been reserved for Qiu. Speaking of Qiu, Hash knew they were waiting for them in Mr. Murray’s class. “See you,” they wave one last time before turning towards the building the professor’s class is located in.

Things might have changed with Nyla and Tamarack, simultaneously grand and minute the changes have been, but things have never and will never change with Mx. Qiu Lin.

Hash finds them as they always do, draped over a desk lazily with their brown hair spread across their shoulders haphazardly. “Qiulet,” Hash calls playfully and a brown eye opens unamused. “I’ve finally returned from the battlefield. Looks like you don’t need to come down from your balcony, after all.”

“It was never a balcony in the first place, you weirdo,” Qiu murmurs, leaning back to sit properly in their chair as Hash placed their tray between them.

“Not-so-secret hideout, Juliet’s balcony,” Hash rolls their eyes in mock irritation. “What’s the difference?”

Qiu smirks, resting their chin on their palm, “sounds like plenty to me.”

Hash sits down with their nose in the air pointedly smug, “well it’s a good thing you’re not the one in charge of my allusions.” Qiu’s response is to take one of Hash’s fries. For someone who said they weren’t hungry, that never stops Qiu from suddenly desiring food when someone else provides it. Regardless, there’s little that isn’t shared between them now. Hash feels no reason to make a fuss. “You gonna go to ballet practice for once?”

“That depends, who’s asking?” Qiu raises a brow lazily.

Your mother, technically. Mrs. Lin knew it’d be a pointless endeavor in bringing it up herself, however, so she relied on you, the Qiu Whisperer. “Me,” Hash replies smoothly. “I wanna have a post-lunch show after school. I haven’t seen you practice in a while, so I guess I felt like going. Only if you want though.”

Qiu shrugs, taking another fry thoughtfully before eventually relenting, “I guess.”

That’s as much of a ‘yes’ as one will get in the language of apathetic Qiu Lin.

“Good because I have your leotard in my backpack,” Hash grins giggling when Qiu flicks her forehead lightly. “What? I had to be prepared just in case you said ‘yeah’, otherwise we’d be late!”

“Yeah, yeah, if you say so,” Qiu rolls their eyes but Hash can see amusement swimming in them. Sees their lips quirk into a playful smirk and how light and airy their movements are. It’s a shame people like Vianca and Serenity don’t get to see this side of them but you can’t help relishing in how you’re one of the coveted few that do. “You’re not slick.”

Hash bats their eyelashes adoringly, “I know not to what you are referring.”

“Mhmm,” Qiu hums in disbelief but unbothered as they are, they let it go. If they truly hated it, after all, Qiu would have let you know expeditiously. Pretty as a rose Qiu may be, they have their thorns. They never seem to brandish them against Hash, however. Any pushback they have are small pricks, soft. This isn’t anything that has them pressed. “But the next time you decide to beat me into going to ballet practice, I demand compensation.”

“Is my charming personality not enough?” Hash gasps, clutching their chest in imagined pain.

“It is most of the time, but I like to shake things up from time to time,” Qiu chuckles.

Hash isn’t sure if it’s the joy they got them to smile that has them flushed or the comment. Probably both. It’s just them joking around, Hash reminds themself. Just a joke. Nothing serious. “Well what will satisfy you, Mx. Qiu Lin? Your humble servant will provide the goods tomorrow.”

“Mom’s making dumplings tomorrow and is forcing me and Dad to help,” Qiu sighs painfully. Hash’s mouth waters at just the thought of it. Dumplings are a long but rewarding affair in the Lin household. “You’re suffering with me.”

“That isn’t even a punishment,” Hash smirks, moving a stray lock of dirty blonde hair from their vision.

Qiu smirks in return, closing their eyes in satisfaction, “glad to know you’ll be there then.”

i was really trying to keep in mind the hash lore they developed from their playthrough of the ol2 demo and our discord chats fjnfkjsdnf. things get a bit angsty TmT. still homies with tamarack but because tam might be leaving, there's a bit of distance between them and they've gotten real close to qiu because of the insurance their not going anywhere. i wanted to play with that concept with a mixture of the day 3 prompts with crossing our verses together and hash looking back on the memories

[butchyeons]

BUTCHYEONS😈😈 i have a request for you bae

soft dom!nayeon and sub! jeong. nayeon using her lengthy fingers to hit all of jeongyeons sweet spots and with a bit of edging and praise? please 😊

ok soooo! this rq made me jump for joy icl. but it snowballed so fast into a whole 10k long fic with a decent amount of angst 😭 it’s a bit heavy but i rlly think it’s sweet.

the full fic is here on ao3, but i figured i’d still post the smut portion since you rqed it. omfg this rlly was supposed to just be smut but i got carried away, my bad!! i hope you still enjoy lmao

i’ll give you all the love i’ve got (and then even more)

college au 2yeon car sex + angst and stuff. yeah!

tags/warnings: discussions of eds, angst, fluff, car sex, fingering, edging, mommy kink, finger sucking, body worship (imo), idk the smut is just very soft, nayeon just trying to distract jeongyeon basically idk i promise it’s all good

tw for discussions of anorexia/discussions of mental hospitals!! this fic ended up being heavy but i think it’s rlly sweet. nothing too intense hopefully. if you aren’t interested/can’t read that, i understand completely! feel free to skip this one.

cishet men and minors dni

———

It’s safe to say that Yoo Jeongyeon was having a terrible day.

The first problem was that she woke up late. Her and Momo had stayed up all night cramming for a biology midterm, which made her snooze her alarm a few more times than usual. She could vaguely make out Jihyo griping about it in between each cycle, only snapping awake the moment the younger girl slammed the door shut when she finally left. Five minutes had turned into thirty minutes and then into an hour… Okay, that’s fine. She can shower during her break between classes- it’s fine.

Or well, the shower came much earlier than she expected. In the haste of running late but still needing caffeine, she bumped right into the back of her friend and fellow nursing major, Tzuyu, while she was leaving and ended up spilling her coffee all over her own clothes. Tzuyu’s were spared, thankfully. The baristas told her she’d have to pay for another. Great.

So along with missing her first class (human anatomy, the course she struggled in the most), there goes her beloved lucky Lady Gaga Chromatica Ball t-shirt. It’s fine, she can probably get a replacement. It’s not like the concert happened 2 years ago in an entirely country and was one of the best nights of her life or anything.

The shirt looked bad on her, anyways.

And then as she trudged to her biology class, questioning why she even chose to major in nursing in the first place (her mother forced her to), it started to rain. And did she bring an umbrella? No, of course not. She left it sitting propped up right next to the door in her dorm, because of course she did. Her clothes awkwardly clung to her frame, completely drenched. She was entirely too aware of herself by then. So much for a shower.

And she was 99% certain she bombed the exam. No Gaga, no good grades, after all.

She chose to skip lunch that day, told herself she’d be better off without it. She didn’t really have time, anyways, considering she needed to show up to her chemistry lab early to go over her group project with Jihyo. The growling in her stomach made it hard to focus, the weight of the day resting heavily on her shoulders, which made Jihyo get more annoyed with each passing minute. By the time class started, Jeongyeon had checked out mentally. And while she wasn’t paying attention, she ended up mixing too much of a chemical into the solution they were making, completely ruining it. There goes their grade.

Jihyo cussing her out in the hallway after class didn’t make her feel any better, either.

By the time dinner rolled around, the whole group met up, like they always did. Jihyo was staring daggers into her as she absentmindedly pushed her food around on her plate. Her appetite was gone, the voice in her head telling her over and over “you don’t need it”. She couldn’t remember the last time she ate. Probably the night before. It was fine. Less calories were always a good thing, and the school’s food was loaded with oil and saturated fats. She didn’t need those.

Beside her, Nayeon was laughing, carrying on, her hand occasionally brushing against Jeongyeon’s thigh. Her and Sana were excitedly talking about their education courses, how they were doing to get to visit a nearby elementary school to observe. Dahyun was talking about the book they got assigned to research while Chaeyoung showed the group her latest sketches, how they’d incorporate into her final for the year. Mina showed pictures from her photography class- they got to go do a shoot at the beach in the rain, and it turned out beautifully.

Jeongyeon only wished she had it that easy.

The final straw came in the form of a text message from her mother. It was a recipe for some soup, something genuinely innocent. What didn’t feel innocent was the message attached.

Mom

You should try this, it’s supposed to help with weight loss. Love you, miss you.

And that’s how Jeongyeon found herself locked in the stall of the cafeteria’s bathroom, gasping for air. Her body felt like it was on fire, her lungs about to collapse. Her heart was running a mile a minute, threatening to burst right out of her chest. She could still hear the sounds of the cafeteria, the sounds of students laughing, the clattering of dishes. It was too loud, practically mocking her. She held her head in her hands as her whole body shook, tears streaming down her face. For a second, she thought she was dying. It was just so much. Everything was too fucking much-

Her phone vibrated in her pocket.

She looked up for a moment, staring at the door of the tiny bathroom stall. She took in a deep breath, trying to steady herself. Another vibration.

She sighed, finally pulling it out. Two text messages.

NY 🩵

Hey, you’ve been gone for a bit. You okay? You didn’t touch any of your food.

NY 🩵

Baby, did it happen again?

Of course, Nayeon knew. She had a magical way of always knowing when one of Jeongyeon’s “episodes” was happening, even when she gave no real indication.

JY 💚

I’m fine, I’ll be back in a minute.

Jeongyeon sighed, leaning back. The toilet seat was starting to become increasingly uncomfortable underneath her thighs. She used the sleeve of her flannel to wipe her face, debating whether or not she should go back just yet. Another text.

NY 🩵

That’s good, but you didn’t answer my question.

NY 🩵

Are you having a panic attack?

Nayeon was nothing if not persistent. She had been well trained on how to deal with Jeongyeon’s bullshit, and it came free with the course. It was both a blessing and a curse, really.

Jeongyeon stared at the screen, her thumbs hovering above her keyboard. Before she could even begin to formulate a way to explain, Nayeon was back.

NY 🩵

How about I come get you and we get out of here. Does that sound good?

Jeongyeon sighed, finally standing up. She typed out one last message before opening the door and going to wash her hands.

JY 💚

Please.

———

Jihyo loudly announced she’d be heading back to their room when the two of them finally rejoined the group after Jeongyeon calmed down. Dahyun, who seemingly didn’t sense that something was wrong, let Nayeon know she was going back to study, and she needed some quiet. Great. Jeongyeon desperately just wanted to be alone with her, to be out of a crowd and away from the hoards of people she was convinced were staring at her, and now both of their usual options were now gone. Part of her wondered if she should just ask Momo if she could sleep on her floor, too scared to go back to her room to even get pajamas. Thankfully, though, there was a solution.

Nayeon suggested they go for a drive, so they did. Both of them sat in silence as Jeongyeon drove, the radio softly humming in the background. It was dark by then, the street lights growing less frequent as they drove away from the city. The highway out of Seoul was surprisingly empty that night, only dotted by the occasional passing car. The humidity from outside caused the windows to fog up just slightly, so Nayeon was happily spending her time drawing little shapes onto the glass. Jeongyeon shot her a glance, chuckling dryly.

“At least clean those up later, would you?”

Nayeon looked over with a pout.

“You don’t appreciate my masterpieces?”

“Ah yes.” Jeongyeon replied as she steered to the outside lane. “Who could forget the classic Weird Smiley Face on Glass, 2024 by the legendary Im Nayeon. How silly of me.”

“Legendary is damn right.” Nayeon huffed, sitting back in her seat.

Jeongyeon let out an amused sound but didn’t reply as she took the next exit. Their silence continued as Jeongyeon drove, taking a few turns before they finally arrived at their destination.

The parking lot of their favorite park was completely empty. Jeongyeon was shocked the gates were even open considering how late it was, but she was grateful. She took their usual spot near the woods, in the back corner of the lot. As soon as she put the car in park, Nayeon was unbuckling her seatbelt, stretching her arms out above her head with a groan. Jeongyeon huffed amusedly at the sight, which caught Nayeon’s attention. The older girl looked at her, giving a gentle smile.

“Do you wanna talk about it?”

Where would she even start?

Jeongyeon sighed, finally unbuckling her seatbelt and relaxing into her seat. She stared out the window at the forest ahead of them, lit up by the headlights of her car. She focused on where they faded between the trees, the gears in her brain grinding against each other in an attempt to work up the courage to answer.

“Bad day.” Was all she said.

Silence.

“I could tell.” Nayeon whispered.

Jeongyeon didn’t look at her. She couldn’t. If she did, she’d probably cry. That feeling from earlier was creeping its way back- the walls closing in on her as she tried desperately to take in the air that was very quickly being sucked out of her body. The body she barely liked, the brain that should’ve been different. Her arms felt like static, her fingers practically numb. She couldn’t tell if the emptiness in her stomach was from the anxiety or… the other problem. She didn’t want to think about it. She tried to focus on the shifting shadows in the trees, tried to make the song on the radio out over the sound of her heart pounding in her ears-

Nayeon’s hand found the top of hers and the feeling was gone. She finally looked over, only to be met with Nayeon’s bright, bunny-toothed smile.

“You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to.” She said. “But I think it would be good for you to get it out.”

Jeongyeon mashed her lips together in an attempt to smile. Nayeon was right, but fuck, if only it were that easy. She looked back down, at the hand that rested atop of hers. Nayeon’s hands were bigger than hers, nearly covered them. She’d just painted her nails baby pink. Her fingers were long and bony, but cute. They felt good against hers. They felt even better inside her.

God, that sounded nice.

Be serious, Jeongyeon.

“It just wasn’t my day today, that’s all.” She said, looking back out at the woods.

Clearly, that wasn’t a good enough answer.

“If it just wasn’t your day,” Nayeon said, making air quotations around Jeongyeon’s words with her free hand. “Why did you have a panic attack earlier?”

Jeongyeon sighed.

“I thought you said I didn’t have to talk about it.”

When she looked over at her girlfriend again, Nayeon was giving her that look, her infamous pout. There was no way out of this.

“You don’t have to. But it doesn’t mean I have to stop asking about it.”

Little shit. Jeongyeon loved her more than words. More than the entire universe, really.

“It’s just…” She sighed out. “A lot went wrong. I overslept, couldn’t shower, missed a class, ruined my favorite shirt, got caught in the rain, probably failed my biology test, wondered why I even decided studying to become a fucking nurse was the right choice, pissed my best friend off to the point where she won’t even speak to me, and…”

Her voice trailed off. Nayeon’s grip tightened.

She knew she needed to admit it.

“And I haven’t eaten since yesterday, Nayeon. It’s… It’s bad again. Really bad.”

She finally took a chance, hesitantly looking over at Nayeon, who was still focused on her, her eyes practically burning holes in her skin. She felt small under her gaze, even if it was one that was completely innocent. Vulnerability was not one of Jeongyeon’s strong suits. She sighed, looking away again.

“Today just… Sucked. I don’t…” She paused, inhaling through her teeth. “I don’t really like myself right now. And I don’t think anyone else really likes me, either.”

Silence again. Jeongyeon thought her head was going to fucking explode.

“Yoo Jeongyeon.”

She timidly looked back over, locking eyes with Nayeon.

“I know I’ll never be able to fully make it stop, that I can’t just… Love away all those thoughts.” She said, her attention never once leaving the younger girl’s. “But I will help you no matter what, I promise.”

Jeongyeon could already feel the tears pricking at her eyes. She didn’t say anything. Nayeon continued.

“Some things will break, but they can always be fixed. Missing a class and failing a test won’t kill you, we can replace your shirt, and Jihyo won’t be mad at you forever. Those are all easily fixable, I promise you.”

For one of the clumsiest people Jeongyeon had ever met, Nayeon was always so good with her words.

“And you didn’t choose to be a nurse, your mom did. That can still be fixed.”

“No, it can’t-”

“Yes, it can. Change your major. You want to be a journalist, not a stupid nurse. That’s all you’ve ever talked about- you literally ran our high school’s newspaper like it was the fucking navy. Your mom can suck it.”

“Nayeon.”

“Sorry.” She huffed. “But I’m serious, Jeongyeon. There’s a solution to all of that. You don’t have to listen to every single thing they say, y’know?”

“But they’ll-”

“No buts. You know my mom would take care of you if they didn’t. And you know I would be here, too. We would make it work, like we always have.”

She was right. Jeongyeon just nodded, closing her eyes, trying to fight back the tears, trying to accept what the older girl was telling her to be true, despite what her head was telling her. Nayeon’s grip tightened even more.

“I can’t make all the voices in your head go away completely, but I can at least try to talk over them. I’m so good at talking, y’know?”

“God, do we all know.” Jeongyeon jabbed, no real malice in her words.

“Right. Exactly. So with that being said,” Nayeon shifted, leaning over the center console. “Why don’t you let me do the talking for now? Just… Get your mind off of everything for a little bit.”

Jeongyeon finally opened her eyes again. She successfully managed to will the tears away, only letting a few lingering ones fall. She wiped them away with her sleeve and blinked a few times before looking back over at the girl who was now directly beside her. Nayeon gave her a small smile.

“Can I be selfish for a bit?” She asked.

Jeongyeon raised an eyebrow.

“Selfish?”

Nayeon’s face was now inches away from hers. Jeongyeon didn’t miss how her eyes drifted down towards her lips before snapping right back up.

“Selfish.” She answered. “As in, I want you all to myself.”

Jeongyeon knew where this was going. She knew exactly what Nayeon wanted. And after the day she had, fuck. She couldn’t deny that she wanted it, too. Needed it, even. Thank god they were on the same page.

“Then please,” Jeongyeon whispered. “Be as selfish as you want, for as long as you want. I’m all yours.”

The time it took for them to crawl into the backseat was shockingly short. Nayeon went first, practically yanking Jeongyeon’s flannel off as she pulled her through the gap in the seats. As soon as the younger girl managed to get settled, Nayeon was on top of her, crashing their lips together.

The kiss was wild, their tongues meeting desperately, their teeth occasionally smacking into one another as they went at it. Nayeon wasn’t gentle when she bit Jeongyeon’s bottom lip, the sudden pain causing her to whimper into her mouth. She didn’t pull away; she stayed, her jaw nearly slack as she let Nayeon do it again, even harder. The older girl sucked her lip between her teeth, her tongue quickly running over it to soothe any pain before diving back in for more.

It was just what Jeongyeon needed. A break. A chance to just turn her brain off. To let Nayeon do all the talking.

At least, that’s what she wanted. The moment she felt Nayeon’s hands slip underneath her shirt, skin against skin, she froze.

The voices were back, and they were loud.

“Nay-” She croaked out as she pulled away. “Wait, I…”

Nayeon immediately stilled herself, looking at her with so much concern. Love, rather.

“Honey, if you can’t do this right now, we can stop.” She said, her voice gentle, yet still so serious. “It’s up to you.”

Jeongyeon looked up at her, as if she were searching for something. She could see in Nayeon’s expression that she meant it- that if she wanted out, she could have out. Jeongyeon wasn’t the one being selfish here, after all. Nayeon would never push her to do something she wasn’t comfortable with.

And really, was it smart to be having sex in the back of her car right after Jeongyeon made a piss-poor attempt at dumping her emotions out? Probably not. There were other ways to mitigate them, to calm herself down, to distract herself. For someone who could be just as high maintenance as her, Nayeon was shockingly good at calming her down, and at distracting her. It just so happened that fucking Jeongyeon until she could barely remember her own name was her favorite method of distraction.

The only problem was that Jeongyeon had a body that she didn’t particularly enjoy thinking about.

But god, she just wanted a break. She wanted to feel good, wanted to find something decent about today. She wanted to like herself. She wanted to hear Nayeon’s voice above all the rest, even her own. Nayeon’s voice was the only one she ever really wanted to hear.

Nayeon started to pull her hands back, shifting so that she was off of Jeongyeon’s lap. Jeongyeon grabbed her wrist.

“Please, don’t stop.” She whispered. “Make me feel good, please. I don’t want to think about anything but you right now.”

Nayeon just nodded dumbly. She moved back, her hands finding Jeongyeon’s waist above her shirt, their lips meeting again, much more gently this time.

“Jeongyeon,” Nayeon said between kisses. “You’re the prettiest girl I’ve ever met, you know that?”

Jeongyeon started to whine, wanted to protest. Nayeon didn’t let her. She immediately swallowed any noise she could’ve made, licking into her mouth for just a moment before pulling away and trailing kisses down to her neck. Nayeon gently sucked a bruise into the skin, running her teeth along it before moving to add another one right at her pulse point. Jeongyeon trembled, trying to hold back any sounds, as if she was scared someone would hear. Her fingers dug into the leather of the car seat, doing their best to hold on. Nayeon bit down harder. It felt good.

“Nay…” She whimpered out, her eyes falling shut. “Mommy…”

She felt Nayeon smiling against her neck, felt her teeth sink in again, another bruise. She pulled away.

“Don’t worry, baby. I’ll take care of you.” She whispered as she sat back up. Her hand cupped Jeongyeon’s cheek, her thumb running across her lips. “My good girl. You deserve the whole world.”

Jeongyeon opened her eyes again, kept eye contact with the older girl as she sucked her finger into her mouth. Nayeon trembled slightly, but didn’t move, just watching as Jeongyeon made a show of swirling her tongue around the pad of her thumb before sucking on it again. It wasn’t anything out of the ordinary for them, really. But something about everything else going on made it feel even more intense than usual.

Nayeon finally pulled her hand away. It was dark, dim enough so that they could barely see each other, but even then, the blush on the older girl’s cheeks was clear as day. She wiped her hand on her jeans before moving it back to Jeongyeon’s waist, teasing up the hem of her shirt.

“Can I?” She whispered.

Jeongyeon froze again. It wasn’t anything Nayeon hadn’t seen- they’d fucked plenty of times in their two years of dating (and even before they got together, but they were young and confused so they don’t really count that anymore). But right then, Jeongyeon was struggling. It always got bad when the issues creeped up again. She was proud to be mostly recovered, but… God, when it came back, it came back hard.

But Nayeon had never once judged her, never would. In fact, Nayeon was there for her first intake. She was the one who found her passed out in the bathroom right outside their high school’s art classroom, having nearly gone into a coma after she managed to not eat for an entire week straight; she was the one who called the ambulance. She was there for the second and third trips, too. And she was waiting for her when she got out, every time. They weren’t dating back then, but Nayeon was still always there, always encouraging her to get better. Even when Nayeon was having a hard time with her own life, she was there.

Jeongyeon barely felt pretty right then. Her hair was frizzy from the rain, her body probably drenched in anxious sweat. Her stomach felt so empty, her head nearly spinning from just how loud her brain was being. It was hard to ignore how heavy she felt, how ugly she felt.

But genuinely, fuck it.

She needed this more than anything else. The feeling of Nayeon’s hands on her, the way the older girl looked at her- it was enough to quell all of it. She could feel Nayeon’s love harder than anything else.

“Please.”

Nayeon nodded. Delicately, as if she was afraid the younger girl would break, she pulled her shirt up just enough to reveal her sports bra, helping Jeongyeon shrug her flannel off in the process. Her hands immediately found her chest, cupping her breasts over the fabric, giving them both a squeeze. Jeongyeon’s head fell back, a small sound coming from the back of her throat as Nayeon rolled her thumbs over her nipples before pinching them through the padding.

“So, so pretty, Jeongyeonie.” Nayeon mumbled, her hands moving to slip underneath, pushing her bra up.

Jeongyeon unwillingly shivered at the cold air, her cheeks turning red with the embarrassment of feeling her nipples get hard. All of it felt just slightly embarrassing, really. Gross, to some degree. But before she even had a chance to think about it, Nayeon’s mouth was on her, her teeth biting down on one of the sensitive nubs before her tongue rolled over it.

“Fuck.” Jeongyeon groaned out.

She could feel Nayeon smiling against her, could tell she was holding back a comment. Normally she’d be teasing, be telling her how easy it was to work her up. Instead, she gave her chest one last kiss before helping Jeongyeon adjust so she was resting against the door, her legs sprawled across the backseat. As soon as she was comfortable, she was back on her, straddling her thighs. She kissed her lips, neck, down to her chest again, switching her attention back and forth between each breast, teeth and tongue all over the place. Her hands were so warm as they dragged down Jeongyeon’s sides, her fingers delicately squeezing before her nails would drag behind them. The pain was light, somehow sweet. Welcomed. Jeongyeon’s brain was fully silent by then.

Well, up until Nayeon’s hand brushed against her core.

At the sensation, she was back down on earth, her mind struggling to swim in the rough waters of self repulsion. She gasped out, jolting, shying away from the older girl’s touch. Immediately though, Nayeon’s mouth was back on hers.

“Baby.” She whispered, kissing her again before sitting up. “We can stop, seriously. If you can’t handle it right now, we can go back to campus, forget this happened. It’s up to you, fully. I just need you to tell me.”

Jeongyeon bit her lip as she looked up at her. Nayeon’s lips were kiss swollen, parted as she breathed in and out deeply. Her cheeks were still red, her hair messy. Hot. Jeongyeon could feel the wetness between her thighs, how it had already pooled in her underwear; could feel herself clenching around nothing at the sight. She wanted this so badly, wanted Nayeon on her, in her.

She didn’t give a damn what her brain was telling her anymore. Couldn’t. Not when Nayeon was looking at her like that, as if she was going to devour her.

Carefully, she reached for Nayeon’s hand, moving it so it was pressed right up against where she needed it most.

“Don’t stop.” She breathed out. “Please, don’t stop, Nay. I need you.”

Nayeon huffed, smiled softly. She leaned down and pressed one last kiss to Jeongyeon’s lips before moving to unzip her jeans, tugging them and her underwear down just enough so that she could work easier. It felt shameful. Jeongyeon squeezed her eyes shut. Her face felt like it was on fire, her brain screaming at her that she didn’t deserve it, that Nayeon didn’t like her, that she was so disgusting-

“Puppy.”

Jeongyeon opened her eyes again.

“You’re so fucking wet. So fucking hot.”

Jeongyeon barely had any time to look up. By the time everything came back into focus, Nayeon’s hands were already on her. One was pressed against her mound, her fingers delicately pressed into the dark patch of hair that grew there, slightly pressing up so she had more room to work. She slowly dragged her other index finger up her slit before circling her clit, immediately focusing on the sensitive spot underneath the hood. Jeongyeon gasped at the feeling, her body falling limp against the door of her car as Nayeon started to play with her. It felt so fucking good.

“God, you’re so pretty, baby.” Nayeon whispered out, dragging her finger down to Jeongyeon’s entrance to collect more wetness before going back up. “Never seen anyone as pretty as you.”

Her words went straight to her core, her brain too fuzzy to really process anything. She just nodded dumbly as Nayeon continued what she was doing, increasing the pressure just slightly. It was good, fuck, it was so good- but she needed more. It was somewhat embarrassing, but she was already so fucking close. She could’ve easily cum just like that, from that stimulation alone. But she needed to be full. She needed Nayeon in her.

“What do you need, puppy?” Nayeon asked, as if she had just read her mind, her voice so soft that Jeongyeon nearly missed it.

So much for keeping a shred of dignity.

“I-In. Inside.” Jeongyeon whined. “Mommy, please. Need you in me.”

Nayeon nodded, whispered out a few hushed “okay”s, kissing her cheek before giving the younger girl exactly what she asked for. She moved down, teasing two of her fingers against her entrance. Jeongyeon whimpered, bucked her hips. Normally, this would’ve earned a scolding, maybe even a spank. But not then. Nayeon wasn’t going to hold it back, not after the day Jeongyeon had.

“Nayeon. Nayeonie.” Jeongyeon begged. “Please- ah!”

Nayeon cut her off by slipping her index and middle finger inside, immediately curling them up. Jeongyeon let out a groan, falling limp again as Nayeon began to fuck into her. For once, she was grateful that Nayeon’s fingers were so fucking long. They felt so fucking good, hit all the right spots. She couldn’t think about anything else but the feeling of them, how deeply they reached inside her, how they pressed up against her front walls as she dragged them back out. Nayeon was merciful enough to use her thumb to circle her clit as she worked, and Jeongyeon brokenly moaned at the feeling.

“Jeongyeonie, my perfect little Jeongyeonie.” Nayeon whispered, her voice dripping with want as she thrust her fingers right back in, spreading them open a bit and curling them up inside of her. “You take me so well. No one’s ever taken me as good as you do.”

Jeongyeon just nodded, too far away to really process what she was saying. All she could focus on was the feeling of her hand, how she had added a third finger without any resistance at all, how good they felt pressing against the deepest parts of her, stretching her open in the best way possible.

“Baby, look at yourself. Look at how good you take me.” Nayeon said, getting her attention again.

Jeongyeon opened her eyes, doing exactly what she was told. She shifted herself up just slightly and looked down, her jaw going slack as she watched Nayeon fuck her. It was so fucking hot, so nasty yet still so fucking beautiful. She loved what she saw, loved how her fingers would disappear, only to come back out covered in her own essence. And the sound of it all, too. The way she could hear just how wet she was when Nayeon teased her, flexing her fingers inside her before pulling back out. Her stomach tensed, a coil tightening right under the muscle, threatening to snap under the pressure of it all.

“Look at that, puppy.” Nayeon cooed, her voice gentle, her pace never letting up. “You’re so soft, so wet for me. So fucking pretty, doing such a good job. My good girl.”

Jeongyeon could barely hold on then.

“Mommy- fuck.” She groaned out, doing her best to keep herself up so she could watch. “Nayeon. I’m- I’m so fucking close.”

“Yeah?” Nayeon asked, leaning forward so her lips inches away from Jeongyeon’s, her fingers curling up as she pushed them back in. “Puppy’s that close already? Gonna cum for me?”

Jeongyeon just nodded, squeezing her eyes shut, clenching her jaw. Nayeon did the action again, her palm pressing against her clit as she focused on the spot she knew the younger girl liked the most.

“So close. So fucking close. Gonna- gonna…” Jeongyeon whimpered out. “Mommy-”

Suddenly, Nayeon pulled out.

Jeongyeon whined pathetically, her eyes opening wide as she gasped for air. She could feel how her slick gushed out of her, the feeling in her stomach dissipating suddenly. She was right fucking there, right at the edge- and now nothing.

“Nayeon. What the fuck?”

Nayeon just smirked.

“You didn’t ask for permission.”

Jeongyeon groaned, her head falling back against the window.

“You’re so-” She panted. “Unbelievable.”

Somewhere in front of her, Nayeon giggled.

“Thought you liked when I did that?”

She did. But it had been a long fucking day.

She didn’t answer, was too busy pouting as she stared up at the ceiling. Nayeon shifted, leaned over, pressing a kiss to her chest before shifting back again. The action made Jeongyeon shiver, made her look back up. Right in front of her face, Nayeon held her now slick-covered fingers up.

“Taste yourself.” She said. “Then I’ll give you exactly what you want.”

God, how humiliating. But how could Jeongyeon say no to that?

She leaned up, delicately taking Nayeon’s fingers into her mouth, running her tongue along each of them before sucking. She didn’t often… taste herself. But this was nice. It was comforting in a way that was too hard for her to explain. Nayeon’s hands were amazing, soft, gentle as they prodded around her mouth, basically fucking it. The feeling of having something in her mouth kept her grounded, and, as odd as it was to admit, she tasted good. It was hard to describe how she tasted; a little bitter yet earthy, slightly salty. Nice overall. But she really thought Nayeon tasted better. She wished her mouth was on her, actually. Until Nayeon spoke again.

“Don’t you taste so good, Jeongyeonie?” She whispered, leaning in so her lips were close to her ear. “Every part of you is so good, isn’t it? You’re made up of so many amazing things.”

Jeongyeon did her best to nod, her cheeks burning. She felt like she could cry, honestly. She wasn’t exactly sure why. But she did her best to focus on what she was doing, on the fuzziness in her head, dragging her tongue across each pad before sucking again. Nayeon kept going.

“You taste so good. You smell so good. You sound so good. You look so fucking good, Jeongyeon. I’ve never seen anyone else who looks like you, never wanted anyone else as badly as I want you. I love all of you, every part of you is so beautiful. You’re so, so good. Perfect to me.”

Crazy thing to hear in the middle of sucking your own juices off your girlfriend’s fingers, but she needed to hear it. The pure genuineness and devotion in her words were what made her want to cry. Happy, very happy tears. But she held them back, kept doing what she was told to do.

After a bit Nayeon suddenly pulled her hand away, a soft “pop” following the action. Jeongyeon whined, frustrated, chasing after them. The older girl just chuckled, pulling her hand away farther.

“Do you want them in your mouth, puppy? Thought you wanted to cum?”

Jeongyeon made a noise, something akin to a whimper, exasperated. Nayeon decided to give her a break. Before Jeongyeon could say anything, she took her left hand and held it up to her mouth, her right one going back down, cupping the younger girl’s core, her middle finger teasing at her entrance.

“Don’t worry, honey. Just wanted to play with you a little. I’ll make it better.”

And she did. The fingers of her right hand slipped back inside with ease, while Jeongyeon took the index and middle finger of her left hand into her mouth, sucking on them mindlessly as Nayeon worked her open again. The buildup was fast, the coil in her stomach tightening even quicker now that she was all worked up. The entire time Nayeon just whispered sweet nothings to her, praised her, practically worshiped every single part of her through her words. Jeongyeon hung onto everything she said, letting it sink in the best she could in her half brainless state. It made her feel like she was worth something again.

She liked herself again, she thought. She could like herself if she had Nayeon. She wished she could like herself on her own, but, for now, this was a good start. Recovery was never linear. Two steps forward, one step back, repeat. But she’d be okay. She’d make sure she was okay, as long as Nayeon was with her.

“Such a good girl.” Nayeon muttered as she continued to fuck her. “My strong, sweet girl. All mine, no one else’s.”

Jeongyeon swore up and down she didn’t deserve Nayeon. She put up with all of her moodiness; all of her flaws, her avoidance. She’d been with her through thick and thin, through her highs and lows, and although she wasn’t perfect, she was always just so gentle. She just made sure Jeongyeon was okay. And really, that was what she needed the most.

There was nothing gentle about the way she was fucking her, now, though. But that’s how Jeongyeon liked it.

So when she finally got right to the edge again, right at the point where she was threatening to fall, she pulled her lips away from Nayeon’s hand, panting. Nayeon looked at her with some concern but she just shook her head.

“I’m close- I-”

Nayeon pushed back in, curling her fingers up, cutting her off. She moaned openly, uncaring just how desperate it sounded, her head falling back.

“Mommy-” It was increasingly hard for her to form words, but she did her best, her body shuddering each time Nayeon fucked into her. “Y-you told me to ask. I’m gonna… Please.”

Jeongyeon could feel the guilt coming back, could feel the embarrassment of it all trying to knock her back down. Out of the corner of her eye, she could see Nayeon’s smile. It was small, soft- loving. She was safe. She could ask for what she needed. Nayeon wouldn’t judge, never had, never would.

“Can I cum, please?”

Nayeon huffed through her nose, her smile turning into a devilish smirk, her pace increasing until suddenly she held her hand in. Her palm pressed right against Jeongyeon’s clit as she worked her fingers against that spongy, sensitive spot that rested deep inside her. Jeongyeon did her best to hold it, to wait for the command, to be good. But, fuck. She’d waited long enough.

“Nayeonie.”

Silence. Nayeon held her right there, right at the edge for another moment. She leaned down, her face close enough to Jeongyeon’s that she could feel her breath against her cheek.

“Go ahead, baby. Cum for me.”

Nayeon pulled out one last time and then slammed back in, right against that spot. Jeongyeon instantly broke, coming undone on her fingers with a cry. Her whole body trembled as the coil finally unfurled, practically snapping as her release hit. It felt good, so much more intense than usual. She could feel how she gushed around Nayeon’s fingers, could feel her walls clenching around them, keeping them pressed so deeply inside. Nayeon pressed light kisses to the side of her face, keeping her palm pressed against her clit, gently kneading it as she curled her fingers inside, helping guide the younger girl through. As soon as Jeongyeon whined, shaking her head and shying away from her touch, she sat back up.

“I wish you could see yourself the way I see you, Jeongyeon.” Nayeon whispered as she finally pulled away. “You have no idea just how beautiful you are to me.”

Jeongyeon just laid there, panting, staring at the roof of her car. She was completely spent, breathless, basking in the afterglow. As fucked out as she was, though, Nayeon’s words hit her hard. It was difficult to really reply, her mind still hazy and distant, but it was a reality check.

She never had the right words to really describe just how much Nayeon meant to her, to tell her just how much she appreciated everything she did for her. Sure, Nayeon couldn’t just fuck the anorexia out of her, couldn’t just kiss the problems that came with it away. But it was enough to just have her there. It made her chest ache in such a sweet way. She never knew anyone could make pain feel that good until she met Nayeon all those years ago. So much had changed since then, but that ache, that longing, that love never went away.

Jeongyeon took a deep breath, closing her eyes. Something had clicked back into place.

“I love you.” Was all she could say.

——

After some begging, and Nayeon arguing back that this entire thing was supposed to be about her, she managed to convince the older girl to ride her face. It was a bit difficult given the angle, Nayeon hunched over on top of her, her hands braced against the window to keep herself up, but it was still so nice. Jeongyeon just wanted to taste her- to have her mouth on her, in some way. It felt nice to use it, to have something in it, even if that something was Nayeon’s clit. Whatever worked.

As soon as Nayeon finished, she pulled the younger girl up into another kiss, long and gentle and soft, just enjoying each other’s presence. Neither of them had any idea how late it was, having cut the car off before they crawled into the back seat to save gas and leaving their phones up in the front. But they weren’t in a rush. They didn’t have classes the next day, anyways. And neither of them really wanted to go just yet.

At least, until Jeongyeon’s stomach growled. She was at the point of feeling lightheaded, not having eaten anything in well over a day. Nayeon didn’t scold her about it, didn’t make a comment about any of it, really. She knew better than to do that. Instead, she asked to drive back, to give Jeongyeon a break. And Jeongyeon agreed.

After Jeongyeon awkwardly helped Nayeon get dressed again, and some play fighting, and kissing a little more, they both crawled back into the front seats. By the time they got situated and checked their phones, it was 20 minutes past midnight. They were about an hour away from campus, and probably had overstayed their welcome in that parking lot about an hour before. They drove back in near silence again, the only sounds being the low whir of Jeongyeon’s car and the radio softly playing, Nayeon occasionally humming along to the songs as she drove.

Jeongyeon had just started to drift off when the car came to a stop. Her eyes fluttered open and she sat up, rubbing them a bit before taking in their surroundings. They were on the outskirts of the city, in the parking lot of a 7/11.

“Hey there.” Nayeon said, getting her attention. “I really wanted some ice cream, maybe some other snacks. Do you want to come in and get some with me?”

Jeongyeon looked at her, still half asleep. She considered what she was asking, and for a moment, it crawled back. She could feel the creature that screamed at her to say “no” clawing at her stomach, the heaviness of it resting on directly on her shoulders.

But when Nayeon smiled at her- that adorable, toothy smile that she cherished more than anything else, it went right away. She nodded.

“Sure. I could go for some kimbap, actually.”

[crikeygatormate]

I Promise - K.B

Summary: After your clan had been exiled and shunned from the western lands, your family grew to hate the royal family who they felt betrayed them. In return you were sent on a mission to reclaim your families honor, but you would come to find out that your mission came with a price.

Dragon Prince!Bakugou x AFAB Reader

Warnings: Spelling just pretend its right lol

A/N: thought Id post this FINALLY its been in my docs for months, and I've been so busy with school lord but I did it. (Not because I got a whole ass 30 on one of my exams lmao dw the class average was a 40, but still needed that little bit of serotonin that comes with posting things here lmao) Also dont clown me on the banner I've got like 2 functioning brain cells rn

PART ONE (Part Two) (Part Three)

————————————-

Growing up you were told stories about the royal dragon riders out west, where the land was vast and dragons as big as castles soared above the sky with a rider on their back. Sometimes you could have sworn you heard the deep rumble of a dragon's roar from somewhere up in the distance. You’d look up at the sun, squinting in hopes to see a shadow of a beast block out the light.

Your clan used to be dragon riders too a long time ago before dragons were only given to royals. Granted, you didn’t know the exact history or that it was your clan who had caused their own downfall and loss of its dragons. Shrouded by the innocence of youth you failed to see the consequences that this downfall had on your clan, the famine, the pestilence, the anger.

You heard stories about how the great dragon queen cast out her right-hand man, your grandfather, due to his so-called betrayal of her trust. This was because the queen became fond of a group of barbarians from the north that wanted an alliance. Your grandfather had advised against it, insisting that she was being used, and it would lead to the downfall of her family. The queen refused your grandfather's advice, which left him to his own devices. He attempted to kill her intended, the king of the barbarian group, which in turn got him exiled. In time his predictions came true and the barbarian group took over for a time, trying to claim the throne for themselves.

Still ever loyal, your grandfather came to the queen's aid, only to have been killed by the queen herself. It was said that your grandfather tried to kill her children and their dragons, in hopes to wipe the barbarian line from the royal family. He managed to kill two, leaving the queen with one child. Your clan refused to believe this, claiming that your grandfather was attacked and killed trying to help his queen.

As punishment, the royal family butchered your clans dragons and pulled all resources to survive as well. Leaving your family to struggle to survive in a barren land.

As the years passed, a small farming village was built where your family was exiled, and other rouges and outsiders moved into town. It became a town of thieves, murderers, and other criminals. Your family never forgot where you came from and the betrayal that fell upon them.

At night, when you were young, your mother would sit you down while she dressed you retelling that tale over and over again till it was ingrained in your brain and you understood that the dragon riders out west, the royals, were traitors and needed to be brought to justice.

—-----------

You were eight currently, playing hide and seek with a few friends after the announcement of your future role in the clan, the infiltrator. Not that you knew what that meant yet.

“Hey!” your friend, Shoji, called from further back in the wheat field, “you’re going too far, Koda isn’t going to be able to find you!”

You giggled, slapping a hand over your mouth as you sprinted through the field, trying to contain your excitement. With another quiet shriek of laughter, you turned your head to see your friend jumping up past the tall grass trying to spot you.

Unbeknownst to you, there was someone crouched right in front of you, and you ran right into them.

“Ouch!” A raspy voice snapped as you face planted into the grass. “Watch where you’re going!”

You sniffled, lifting your face from the ground and wiping your palm over your eyes to get rid of dirt. “Sorry, I didn’t see you,” you said as you blinked, your gaze focusing on a boy in front of you.

“Clearly,” he scoffed, rolling his vermillion eyes.

You nodded, taking in the stranger's appearance. He was dressed weirdly, and painted with strange marks on his bare arms. His clothes were lighter , meant for a place that was used to warmer weather. “Who are you?”

“Who am I?” the boy snorted, folding his arms over his chest, “you really don’t know?”

You shook your head, straightening out the stained shirt you were wearing.

“Of course, you don’t, you’re one of those traitor’s family members, you got those orange eyes like the elders say” the boy said as he spat on the ground much to your surprise. “I’m Katsuki Bakugou, prince of the western lands, soon to be the king once I get my dragon.”

Your eyes widened, and you weren’t sure what to say.

Bakugou nodded, “I know, probably your first time being around someone like me.” He had his chest puffed out. Clearly, your lack of response had stoked his small ego.

You furrowed your brows, “traitor?”

Bakugou rolled his eyes, “look,” he paused waiting for you to tell him your name before continuing, “I’m sure this must come as a shock, but your people out here have all been exiled for being traitors-”

“We’re not traitors, you are,” you shot back, eyes growing wide as your mother's story about the royal dragon riders finally started to piece together in your mind.

Bakugou sneered, curling his upper lip to reveal a set of pointed canine teeth, “hah, keep telling yourself that.”

You balled your hands into fists, feeling anger for the first time in your life it seemed as you stared this snotty royal boy down. A darker part of you seemed to awaken and you suddenly felt the urge to smack his pompous smirk off his face.

He didn’t even have time to react before he noticed you lunging at him with a raised hand. However before you could even land a blow on him, a pair of arms yanked you back.

“Quit it you insolent child,” your mother hissed, holding you close to her as you thrashed. She was looking to the sky, feeling fear settle in her veins like ice when a shadow momentarily blocked out the sun.

You were too busy exchanging insults with Bakugou to notice a giant golden dragon land behind Bakugou, or see his mother slide off her dragon's back and stomp towards you three.

“Katsuki!” a shrill voice cut through your haze of anger and suddenly you froze at the sight of a woman, presumably the queen, and her dragon. A puff of hot air blew your hair back and a primal fear sank into your gut.

“You know better than to wander this far,” the queen hissed, glancing at you and your mother. By the bitter look on her face, she clearly recognized your mother. “And you,” she said harshly, pointing a slim finger at your mother, which prompted her dragon to let out a low growl, “keep your offspring away from mine, that child is feral. Don’t think I didn’t see her try to attack the prince. A crime like that is punishable by death.”

Your mother was collected as a wry smile tugged at her lips, “Mitsuki, what makes you think it was my child that started this squabble?”

“Because I know you, and I know your type,” Mitsuki snapped, grabbing Bakugou roughly by his spiky hair, making him whine. “Stay the fuck away from us, the second I catch wind that any of you traitors crossed the border, I’ll have you all burned alive.”

Your eyes were wide as you watched Bakugou smirk as his mom dragged him away and they both got on her dragon. You don’t think you’d ever forget the glare that the queen gave you as her golden dragon took off into the sky.

Dirt bellowed around you and your mom as powerful wings pushed the air around you, you squinted, digging your nails into the skin of your mother's arm.

“Do you understand now?” your mother asked, her voice even as you both watched the dragon fly into the distance towards the west.

You nodded, feeling a bitter feeling settle into the pit of your stomach.

—----------

Many years passed, and throughout those years you trained, fell into your role as the infiltrator. The one that was supposed to regain your clan's power, regain your dragons. You were the only one able to do this, it was destiny it seemed. And it was because you had a dragon.

On your thirteenth name day, you were presented with something that had been hidden since your grandfather was exiled. It was a small dragon egg, your grandfather had stolen it before he was killed, took it from the royal clutch, in hopes that it would serve his family well.

It was doubtful that the egg would hatch, but it did. Your dragon grew to be large and fueled by your anger she had become lethal, like you. She was a deep army green with amber eyes and a double set of teeth. She was snake-like, long, and slender with an ear-piercing roar that made you sometimes wince at the whistle of it.

You both grew up together, bonding over a common goal, feeling each other's anger towards the royals. Now you were an adult, old enough to go out on your own and complete your mission that has been planned for decades.

“Are you ready?” your mother asked as she straightened your top.

You nodded, blinking hard as she ran her cold fingers over your bare stomach where a large scar ran across the lateral length of your skin. A training accident, at least that’s what it was called, but it was a reminder of what could happen if you were to fail.

“Good,” your mother said as she took a step back, “prince Katsuki is out on his dragon patrolling this evening. We know his dragon is not a usual one, he is a shifter, which makes him susceptible to silver. We have a trap set down by the ravine, they should fly right into it.”

You nodded, keeping your gaze forward as your dragon shifted behind you, her growl rumbling into a whistle.

“Get going,” your mother said as she handed you a dagger, it was your grandfather’s.

You kept silent as you climbed on your dragon's back and urged her forward. You felt numb as she took off into the evening sky, the orange of the setting sun illuminating her scales. She was let out a wheezing breath as he turned past a cloud and the ravine came into the distance.

You landed in a cave that was specifically scouted for this mission, and there you both waited, two sets of amber eyes pointed towards the sky awaiting the prince.

Soon you heard the unmistakable roar of a dragon and a flash of deep red appeared briefly through the broken clouds.

It was him, Prince Bakugou.

Your heart was pounding in your ears as you watched him descend towards the trap set out. It was meant to look like a threat from a neighboring nation. One that had been having issues with the dragon's riders of the west, a more civilized nation that was moving past the need to be controlled by those who ride dragons. In other words, the royals knew if this nation continued to grow, so would their weapons. Which meant they could become a threat to their dragons.

“Fuckin’ shitty scales, just land, damn it,” Prince Bakugou’s gruff voice echoed off the cold ravine walls.

You watched as his dragon landed and shook his head while Bakugou slid off. To your interest, his dragon shook again, changing forms and turned into a man. A big one with a long red tail, horns, and a set of red wings.

Dragon shifters were rare, rarer than dragons themselves, and for Prince Bakugou to have one as his dragon, meant that he was special. Which gave your goal an even greater weight.

“Wadda you think happened?” the shifter asked as he stepped over a few burning logs.

“Looks like it was the north,” Bakugou said with a scoff as he kicked a skull that went tumbling down the rocks till it shattered.

You stiffened, feeling your muscles bunch as you waited for the next part of the plan. A member of your clan, Shoji, the best archer, was in place to shoot Bakugou’s dragon with a silver-tipped arrow. He only had one.

With bated breath, you waited to see Shoji peek out from on top of the ravine. After a heartbeat, you noticed a flash of wood, and before you could blink a pained roar echoed around the ravine.

You froze for a moment watching the shifter crumple to the ground screaming as smoke curled from the arrow wound. But then your training kicked in and you took off, grabbing onto your dragon as she slid down the side of the ravine. Her claws scraped against the slate stone sending shards tumbling down below. She huffed, wheezing before leaping off the side and landing squarely in front of Bakugou and his dragon.

It took him no time at all to react and he instantly pulled his blades out, red eyes aflame with alarm and anger. “Who the fuck are you?”

You slide off the side of your dragon's thin back and landed on the charred ground, ash billowing around you. “Someone that can help, if you don’t treat that immediately, he’ll die.”

“Katsuki,” the shifter whimpered, his face paling.

Bakugou hesitated, glancing at your dragon. It was strange looking, long and slender with pointed features. An odd color too, he’s only known of red, gold, and orange dragons. He didn’t have time to ponder though, Kirishima needed help. “Do it.”

You nodded, feeling a sense of relief knowing that everything was going to plan. You wasted no time kneeling by Kirishima, eyeing his wound. His blood was bubbling around the tip of the arrow and evaporating into foul-smelling smoke. In one swift movement you yanked the arrow out, not flinching as Kirishima roared. With the arrow gone, you proceeded to pull the bag that was around your back to your side where you quickly found the antidote to neutralize the silver in his body.

“Here,” you said, “open his mouth.”

Bakugou glanced at you once more before prying open Kirishima’s jaws and watching your pour a strange-colored liquid down his dragon's throat. However, he was shocked to see Kirishima’s wound immediately stop smoking.

Kirishima let out sigh of relief, shutting his eyes as he took a deep breath.

“There,” you said as you capped the bottle and placed it back in your bag, “that should be good for now, he’ll need another dose in the morning. He won’t be able to shift back either, not till that is healed,” you told Bakugou while eyeing the wound.

Bakugou hummed, glancing at you again, “great. Now, answer my question, who the fuck are you?”

You frowned, “you don’t remember?”

Bakugou narrowed his eyes, “am I supposed to?”

You huffed, “of course you don’t, look, you and I got into a argument when we were kids? You wandered out too far, started acting like a dick - still act like one.”

“Do you have any clue who I fuckin’ am?” Bakugou snarled, getting ready to press his blade against your throat.

You gave him a wry smile, “Prince Katsuki Bakugou, how can I forget it a second time.”

Recognition flashed across Bakugou’s face as he looked at you again. Were you that mangy girl that got pissed at him for telling her that her family were traitors? He shifted his gaze towards your face, taking note of your orange eyes, which told him that you were indeed from the family that betrayed his.

“Remember now?” You asked as you glanced down at Kirishima again who was phasing in and out of consciousness. And then to your utter surprise he said your name. It made you still your hands on Kirishima and look at him. “So you do remember?”

Bakugou didn’t nod, instead he narrowed his eyes. “How did someone like you get a hold of a dragon?”

You shrugged, “Luck.”

“That’s not the answer I was looking for, you must have stolen it, traitor,” Bakugou hissed, suddenly moving towards you at an incredible speed.

You were somewhat caught off guard as he slammed you into the ground, pinning you down with his knee on your chest and the blade of his sword pressed against your neck. “I didn’t steal anything.”

“Yeah fuckin’ right, only my family has dragons,” he snarled, pressing the sword further into your neck, causing the skin to split under his blade. A few scarlet drops of blood slid down the side of your neck and dripped onto the ashen earth.

At the sight of this your dragon growled, slinking forward towards Bakugou. A wheezing hiss escaped her as she opened her mouth. The back of her throat started to brighten to a electric green threatening to breathe her fire on the prince, not that it would do much to him.

Bakugou stilled, glancing at your dragon. He had never seen green fire before. He looked down at you again, you were collected, watching him with a cool expression. Perhaps you were telling the truth. There have been tales of dragons far south, those of a different species than the royal line.

Your heart was in your throat as you watched him assess you. He was breathing hard, his chest was heaving as he tightened his grip around his sword. Then to your relief he moved off of you and sheathed his weapon.

“You’re coming back with me,” Bakugou announced, “to finish healing Kirishima and then to be questioned.”

This part was important, you couldn’t easily go with him, or it’d be suspicious. So you sat up, rigid and with eyes wide, “questioned? I just saved your dragon?”

“I don’t trust you,” Bakugou said with a hiss through clenched teeth. “Something about this is wrong, and I’d be fuckin’ stupid to let you go. Especially when you are the only other dragon rider in the country who isn’t part of the royal family. My family.”

You frowned, standing up and folded your arms across your chest. “Look-”

“No, you look,” Bakugou hissed, jamming his finger into your shoulder, “you don’t get a fuckin’ option. Get on your dragon we’re leaving.”

You yelped when he roughly grabbed you by the upper arm and practically threw you towards your dragon. With a huff of irriatiton you regained your balance and climbed on your dragon’s back. You watched as Bakugou hauled Kirishima over his shoulder and to your surprise managed to get on behind you, securing Kirishima between the both of you and your dragons spikes. With a hissing whine your dragon crawled forward, speeding up before she pushed herself off from the ground.

Her leathery wings extended and ash plumed around her form as she rose up higher in the sky. She didn’t fly exactly like a normal dragon would, she would weave through the air, tucking her wings in before extending them to propel herself forward again.

It wasn’t a smooth ride to put it simply.

You glanced back behind you to see Bakugou pinning Kirishima down with his upper body while he held onto the large spikes on your dragons back. He looked pissed, probably because he wasn’t used to riding bare back, at least that’s what you assumed.

It didn’t take very long to enter the western lands, and you could immediately tell that you had left your homeland due to the dramatic change in scenery.

The terrain became plush with pine forests, with trees as tall as some of the castles you heard from the elders in your town. The earth was covered with plush grass too, and the forests would break away to vast meadows with rolling hills, covered with hundred of wild flowers.

Your eyes widened at the sheer beauty the western lands held. It was warm here too, the sun had blessed these lands and all its creatures. In fact, you had never seen so much wildlife before in your life. There were herds of elk migrating north, and so many birds that were all different colors, you didn’t even know that so many animals existed.

In your town the only animals were pests, and a few scraggly farm animals that helped to feed the people. Your home was full of dry cracked earth, dead fields of straw grass, and swampy bogs that sucked and devoured any life form that entered them. The sun was shrouded by clouds and a perpetual dust seemed to hang heavy in the air.

You glanced back at Bakugou quickly, your amber gaze catching his crimson ones. A bitter feeling rose like bile in your throat and you quickly realized that you were jealous of where he grew up, and angry that his family had taken the opportunity for you to grow up in the western lands away too.

Soon a clearing near the foot of a mountain came into view. There you were able to see a large town, clearly a nomadic one, but the quality of the tents told you that the royal family and its people didn’t have much to worry about.

As you flew closer to the clan you began to notice the common people running out in groups, alarmed that a dragon, and not one they were familiar with, was about to land in their home.

With a wheezing sigh, your dragon landed, her nostrils flaring as she warily watched the three other dragons resting by the royal tent. You watched them too, hesitating to get off in case you needed to leave quickly.

“They won’t hurt you,” Bakugou said as he looked towards the trio of fire colored dragons. One a deep gold, his mothers. Another a pale yellow, his fathers. The final one, a rusty orange, his grandmothers.

You nodded, about to say something but he had already gotten off your dragon and was carrying Kirishima towards the royal tents, there were four of them. The people cried out his name and Kirishima’s, obviously concerned about who you were and what had happened to Bakugou’s dragon.

“C’mon,” Bakugou called out, not bothering to look back at you, “leave your dragon, she won’t be harmed. For now at least.”

“Comforting,” you muttered as you got off your dragon and gave her a quick pat on the neck. She grumbled, lowering her head to the ground as she watched you follow the prince with unblinking eyes.

As you followed behind Bakugou you glanced at the common folk. They were all dressed similar, wearing clothes lined with furs, and various skins. They looked well fed, well rested…happy.

You narrowed your eyes as they continued to watch you follow their prince, and you didn’t miss the whispers amongst them. They too knew of the tales between your clan and Bakugou’s, and how your family was know to have amber eyes.

Your lip curled in irritation as they exchanged snide comments about your family.

Traitors, murderers, thieves, cowards.

—---

Bakugou had you wait outside of a tent that was guarded by two warriors before allowing you to come inside. With a sharp inhale you entered the tent, pushing the door flap out of your way as you walked forward.

The inside of the tent was huge, bigger than the home you grew up in. The ground was covered in plush furs, and there was enough room for a large bed and a table. The tent walls were home to various weapons, swords, axes, and a few spears. Along with a few exotic pelts and horns from animals.

At the sound of a pained groan you turned your head to see Kirishima curled up on a makeshift bed of pelts and pillows. That silver, although neutralized for now, would keep him from shifting for another few days.

“Sit,” Bakugou’s gruff voice cut through your thoughts as he yanked out one of the chairs at his table.

You turned your gaze to his as you moved across the room and silently took a seat.

Bakugou sat down in the chair across from you and let out a strained sigh. He looked frustrated, which was not surprising, considered all that had happened within the past few hours. “The queen will be coming in to question you, along with the queen mother-”

Before he could even finish his sentence, Mitsuki, the queen, the woman who told you she would burn you and your mother alive, stomped into the tent. Her red eyes were ablaze with a deep anger upon the sight of you.

“You,” she hissed, rushing over to you, about to presumably smack you across the face till a frail voice spoke from the opening of the tent.

“Mitsuki, behave yourself,” an older lady the spitting image of Mitsuki hobbled in. She was frail and thin, but still was proud as she stood tall. The queen mother had to lean heavily on her cane as she made her way over to you, and Bakugou got out of his seat to allow his grandmother to sit.

You remained quiet, your gaze flicking between the two women. This was the most crucial part, to convince the royal family that you were not what they perceived you to be. An infiltrator, someone that was going to come in and wipe out their family line. Someone who was going to take revenge for what they did to your family.

“Now, child,” the queen mother spoke, clearing her throat as she folded her hands together, “what did you do that made my grandson fly you all the way back here, and away from your home?”

“Mother, don’t you know who this is?” Mitsuki hissed, “look at her eyes.”

“I’m well aware,” the queen mother responded curtly, “however, I trust Katuski’s judgment, if she was a threat she wouldn’t be here now would she?”

Mitsuki kept her mouth shut, but she still was glaring at you with such intense hatred that you had a hard time holding eye contact with her.

“Speak,” the queen mother said, gesturing at you with her hand to talk.

“I was in the area, and saw prince Bakugou get attacked, his dragon was injured and I helped him. He told me to come back with him, presumably because Kirishima needs another dose of antidote in the morning to remove the silver from his system,” you explained, keeping your voice even.

“And how did you obtain that dragon out there?” the queen mother asked.

“I found an egg when I was traveling away from home. It looked to be dead, so I thought I could sell it along the trade line by the coast far south,” you began, remembering the lines you rehearsed for years, “but to my surprise it hatched, so I kept it-”

“You have no right to own a dragon,” Mitsuki hissed, “not after what your family did to mine, what your grandfather did to my siblings.”

A muscle in your jaw twitched as you looked at Mitsuki, she had her hand on the hilt of her axe, clearly ready to yank it out and cleave you in two. “It wouldn’t have hatched if I didn’t have a right to it-”

“You bratty bit-”

“Mitsuki!” The queen mother said, her voice straining as she looked at her daughter with wide eyes, “this young woman just saved your son’s dragon, I know you know the weight that carries. We only get one dragon our whole lives, and if Katsuki’s died, he wouldn’t be able to take the throne.”

Mitsuki scoffed, but backed off, knowing her mother was right. “I know, but that still doesn’t mean I trust her, and neither should you mother, or you Katsuki. I know her kind, her mother and I used to be friends. I have seen the evil that grows in her blackened heart, and no doubt she passed it to her daughter.”

With that, Mitsuki turned on her heel and left, clearly through with speaking and looking at you.

You let out a breath that you didn’t know you were holding. The air in the tent seemed to drop about five degrees too. It was rumored that the Bakugou’s had an affinity for fire too, which would explain how Mitsuki could raise the temperature of the air around her when she was mad.

You quickly glanced at Bakugou, who you had a feeling he had a more fiery temper than his mother, and you could only image how much heat he’d give off if he was mad. A small flicker of fear lit in your stomach as you began to think that this mission you were on was way more dangerous than you had thought.

“Look,” the queen mother spoke up, her voice was beginning to sound tired, “I knew your grandfather, he was a greedy man. He would do just about anything to get what he wanted.”

You remained silent, as feelings of doubt started to swirl in your mind.

“However, as much as our family dislikes yours, we are indebted to you. I can’t punish you for the crimes of your grandfather, and I wouldn’t anyway. Finish healing Kirishima and you may stay with us for a while, or leave it’s up to you, but perhaps it’s time that we try to rekindle the once great friendship between our clans.” The queen mother gave you a dry smile, “that doesn’t mean I don’t trust you either, I don’t make the same mistake twice. That’s why Katsuki will be in charge of you for the duration of your stay-”

“What? I don’t wanna fuckin’ babysit,” Bakugou hissed, shooting you a sharp glare.

Your ever growing fear, though you kept it well hidden, had been curbed somewhat. You had gotten in to their inner circle, so with enough patience you could achieve your goal. At the thought of this the scar on your abdomen seemed to burn and a pair of cold orange eyes flashed in your mind.

You couldn’t fail.

“You will. It will be good for her to learn about us and you to learn about them, Katuski,” the queen mother concluded with a nod, “now I think it’s time that I go have my late morning tea.”

You watched as the queen mother hobbled out of Bakugou’s tent, and you let out a sigh. You were relived that no one had picked up on your growing nerves. It would probably good the queen had left or she surely would have sniffed you out. With another sigh you turned your head and to your surprise you saw that Bakugou was already looking at you. His red eyes were narrowed slightly as he let out a huff.

“C’mon, there’s a spare tent on the outskirts of camp you can stay in,” Bakugou finally said as he pushed past you and slipped through the entrance of the tent.

You still for a moment, and then followed him out. The common people seemed to be more relaxed now. They still gave you some sideways glances as you passed, but it was nothing like from when you first arrived.

It was rather odd seeing Bakugou interact with the common folk too. He of course was prickly, but he’d dip his head to a few elders that would hobble past him, or even let some young kids jump at him and hang off is arms before he roughly tossed them off, making them squeal as they ran back to their tents.

You folded your arms over your chest, eyeing him closely. He was tall, much taller than you and built like a warrior. His arms were thick and strong, and tanned by the warm sun. He had a few milky pink scars that ran down his back along with a few tattoos that adorned his bare torso. His hair was golden, bleached by the sun, and spiky. Yet underneath his mane of hair he had a dark undercut, where you saw a set of scars that looked similar to claw marks run along the nape of his neck.

He would be hard to defeat. Someone like him, who was trained from birth to be a warrior, a prince, and a king. Not to mention the sheer amount of scars and battle tattoos he is no doubt a seasoned warrior. Uncertainty seeded in your mind once more as you both came to a stop outside of a gnarly looking tent. If thats what you could call it.

“You’ll stay here,” Bakugou said, his deep voice clipped with annoyance.

“Hardly call this a tent,” you mused, your gaze jumping from the torn fabric near the bottom of the tent and the worn flap that was barely holding it shut.

Bakugou rolled his eyes, choosing not to respond to your comment. “I’ll see you at dawn.” With that he turned his back to you and left. Not once did he turn his head back to glance at you, and you were glad.

—----------------

The next morning you were woken up before dawn. Not by choice, really, but there was a rather unpleasant groaning that started outside your tent about an hour before dawn. As much as you tried to drown out the sound decided to get up to see what was outside of your tent fussing up a storm.

To your surprise it was Bakugou’s dragon, Kirishima.

“I need more of that stuff, please,” Kirishima groaned.

You looked at the dragon shifter in mild shock. Had he crawled all the way across camp to your tent? With a quick glance at his bare torso, your question was answered, he was covered in dirt. “C’mon,” you finally said and let him inside of your tent.

Kirishima let out a grunt as he crawled behind you before collapsing on the straw mat in the center of your tent. He was panting hard and sweat was rolling down his sides.

You quickly lit the single candle in your tent and pulled out your healing pack, rifling through your various herbs till your found the antidote for Kirishima. The second bottle was much more potent than the first one you gave him, which was on purpose. You needed to be brought back to Bakugou’s clan after all.

Kirishima was watching you with glassy eyes as you moved next to his side and hovered over him. He was grinding his teeth so hard it felt like they would snap. He hissed when you ran your fingertips down his chest towards his wound, your hands were ice cold on his hot skin. “Hurry-”

“Patience,” you said sharply, your orange eyes flick between his face and the wound. Kirishima’s wound while, the silver would cure him, it was already infected. Which wasn’t supposed to happen. You poured the antidote into Kirishima’s mouth and watched him sigh as the last of the silver was broken down.

“Thank you,” Kirishima said quietly, letting out a sigh as he let his eyes shut again.

You frowned, watching as he promptly passed out from sheer exhaustion. His face was flushed pink with fever and it spread down his neck to his chest. That was unnerving to you, your knowledge with medicine was limited. You glanced at the open flap of your tent, the sun was about to break over the horizon which mean Bakugou would be here soon. A few moments passed and you grabbed your bag again, glancing at the wound before pulling out some flowers and a small jar of honey.

While you were busying yourself making a paste for Kirishima’s wound you failed to notice Bakugou sauntering up to your tent. He was dressed for a hunt, with his spear slung over his back. To his surprise he saw that you were up already.

You furrowed your brows as you smashed small marigold flowers into a paste with the honey before turning around only to see Bakugou standing in front of your tent.

“What’s wrong with him?” Bakugou asked, moving the flap to the tent opening aside and ducking before walking inside.

“His wound is infected,” you said, glancing up at him before turning your attention to Kirishima, reaching out to place the mush of herbs and flowers on his wound.

“He can see our healer,” Bakugou said gruffly as he grabbed your wrist roughly to stop you from touching Kirishima.

You wiggled your wrist in his tight grasp. His hand easily wrapped around your entire wrist, and you were sure if he wanted to he could snap it in half. “Sure, but it’s not looking great-”

“I’ll let our healer decide that,” Bakugou interrupted, his eyes were narrowed as he quickly dropped your wrist and then bent down to inspect his dragon. Kirishima twitched in his sleep, letting a hand flop towards Bakugou before letting out a grumble. Bakugou lifted his gaze to you for a moment, and then back at Kirishima. Why would Kirishima come to you? He knew where the healer was.

Bakugou grabbed Kirishima’s forearm before slinging him over his shoulders. “I’ll come back for you,” he said before leaving you again.

[kindred-spirit-93]

GUYS LMAO HELP IM ON THE FLOOR

me when i try to explain the lore of my latest hyperfixation and brainrot that has been fermenting for who knows how long in my noggin to my beloved who has to keep up with me every dam time

find urself someone who will listen to u rant about dieties and divine law and order out of order and going on tangents of tangents <3

aight so for context me n my platonic soulmate go to different unis and have been long distance friendship-ing for over 3 years now and we barely get to see eachother irl for plenty of reasons. anyway

when we do meet for coffee and plushie hauls we essentially go over everything that happened over the past few months we havent seen each other in (outside of texts lol) and ya girl always has some hyperfixation to yap about (musicals, mythology, all of the above...)

anyway i explained to her epic the musical lore as best as i could in like 15 minutes while she had a lecture lmao (long story) and honestly kudos to her for understanding my incoherent 5678 words per second ramble and endless footnotes etc. anyway i sent her osp's odyssey video to give her an idea of what i was blabbing about lol

ANYWAY shes just texting me saying shes listened to the horse and the infant & just a man and that shes hooked. IM SO PROUD OF MYSELF FOR DRAGGING HER INTO THIS LMAO. MWAHAHAHAAH

said shes going to binge the musical asap lol (we are both dedicated hard working students ill have u know) and now we can both giggle and ugly cry over odypen hehe. literally vibrating with excitement >:D

last sunday we met after my big exam and i was already hysterical from sleep deprivation and brainrot so i gushed about literally everything. and infodumping kindred is not a kindred u want to be anywhere near esp if ur my girl bc i bare my soul to her lol A N Y W A Y

the thing is u cant explain the odyssey without knowing a little abt the illiad and to really get that u need to know the pantheon and how everyone got into this mess in the first place and and......

thats not even the best part before epic id binged osp red's greek mythology videos and was dabbling in pjo so i was very basically explaining the mythos to her about a month or so ago (equally manically)? and this girl says to me 'wait is zeus daddy?' AND I FUCKING DIED RIGHT THEN AND THERE. my soul *ascended* it was single handedly the funniest shit anyone has ever said in my general direction. i love her

anyway so i gently but very firmly explained why hes the dipshit of all time and she messed with me further on purpose (and i quote; IF BAD WHY HOT?) anyway zeus if ur out there dont talk to me or my beloved ever again or so help me.

[fitgothgirl]

Hello again! I've either been on my other blogs or no blogs. October was crazy for me and today is the first day back to normalcy; I've been looking forward to this date for a while haha. Part of the return to normalcy is being employed but also fully trained and starting to do regular shifts. My Meowtel reservations are done and my calendar is hidden from searches right now - I won't be going back to that unless/until I get a regular schedule at work. But part of that regular schedule will be full time hours, so even if I do go back, it'll be minimal. I should still be getting in DoorDash since I'm still very much part time at work, but that's much less demanding & restrictive than cat-sitting, so I feel like I've gone from having two jobs to one job which is nice. 😌 And job hunting felt like a job by itself, so even before I got hired, it was still like it was two jobs lol.

Work's been great so far! It's fun and the place has good vibes and people take pride in their work. And just the nature of the business itself - even if I love healthcare, there's a difference between that type of work and a fun restaurant with specialty drinks. And not only was my last job healthcare-related, but it overlapped with the legal field, so I feel like that makes the difference even more stark lol. It's still challenging in its own ways, but I feel like I'm under the best kind of mental stress. I've also been so glad to be back on my feet and not sitting all day. 💪🏼 There's plenty I loved about working from home but that was not one of them.

Honestly, it's making it kind of hard to be motivated to study for my CPC lmao. 😅 But I am still interested in that and want to pursue it. I just want to get settled here though and get to full time hours. Also my work will train bartenders but I'd need to be more solidified on the food service end first, but I could do that eventually which would follow my original plan of bartending before being a CPC. I originally wanted to take a break from the medical field and do something fun, especially bartending which I've always been really interested in. So this could definitely be a path, which would take more time than I'd need to study for the exam.

My poor fitness habits have been put on the backburner for a while with all this going on. But with this other stuff settling, I can get back to that too. I said that in a post a couple weeks ago but I still had more Meowtel reservations and I just got back from a long weekend away for a wedding, so it didn't really work out then haha... But now I'm on the other side of all that and there are minimal plans in November. 😮‍💨🥳

[fruitytiff]

THEORY: WHAT IF THE ANTASMA WE SEE ISN'T THE "WHOLE" THING

Ok ok, lemme explain what I meant. A few weeks ago, me and @noddynods made a joke about how Dreambert was secretly fanboying over Antasma because his the only person to actually title him king, like in the games, Antasma never referred himself to king. He did say he wanted to be king, but wanting to and already being one is completely different. Now recently, my Exam-illed mind wandered back to that random ass convo because I was so sick of studying and actually began to dwell on that. What if...the Antasma we see in the game...is only half of what he actually is. Lemme explain some more, Antasma, as portrayed in the game, isn't exactly a bright cookie (Dawg got betrayed by BOWSER of all people). He isn't stupid either but his farrr from intelligent, in fact his very emotional in all sense, he often screeches loudly whenever he gets angry, happy, or sad???? And just generally expresses his feelings openly a lot. Now what do I meant by this? I meant that this verison of Antasma...might be his right brain. I theorize that the Antasma we see isn't actually who he really is, its only half of him. Ok now this is a little bit headcannon-y but hey, what the fuck, lets go. I need a explanation, a theory, so here we go.

You know how in the Dream World, theres Dream's Deep. Like a really deep pit of where the..un...deepest consciousness resides, like thoughts or some shit. I dunno, that's what I think anyways. We also do see that there's a Nightmare World, now, we don't know if the Nightmare World is a completely different realm then the Dream World or just a extension of itself, but assuming that the Nightmare World is a different realm that only produces nightmares, we can assume that the Nightmare World also has it's own Dreams Deep. Now we don't know what Nightmare World's own version of Dream's Deep is called, or even if it exists at all depending if the Nightmare World is a extension of the Dream World and not it's own thing. But if it is. I would like to guess that Antasma's other half, his Left Brain was trapped in there. His intelligence, his cold cunning calculated side was locked away in a even more deadly and dark prison. Which makes sense, high intelligence has the risk to yield incredibly dangerous people. Especially when given to one without any moral standards. Now why did I specify Antasma's Right Brain being more emotional and creative while his Left is more intelligent and cold? Because science lmao, it had been recorded that people who are more in the creative fields has a more responsive right hemisphere compared to the people in the analytical fields. Now obviously this has been debunked as it shows creative people also using the left hemisphere of our brain to do creative stuff, but our right hemisphere still "drives the wheel."

So I'm not exactly being completely scientifically right right, but its a generalization of how the human brain works. And why I think this is applicable to Antasma. I mean, just look at the current in game Antasma, he does prove to have skills in planning even though I had said that his not as smart cuz his the right brain and all. So it doesn't disprove my theory. Now...lets think, assuming that the Nightmare World is it's own realm. what would it's own version of Dream's Deep be? I think....It's a completely opposite to the Dream's Deep in the Dream World.

A World of WHITE

This image of 7-1 from Ultrakill was just a concept or idea of what the Nightmare World's Dream's Deep looks like. And trust me, I have a good reason to think why the Nightmare World's Dream's Deep would look like this. There is a well known psychological torture method called The White Room. Where the victim is dressed from head to toe in white clothing and forced into a bright spotless white room that is constantly blowing cold air, illuminated by blinding white lights, and forced to eat white rice and drink milk for as long as they would stay there. The room is also outfitted to be completely quiet too, which would leave you in isolation along with intense sensory depravation. Victims who are reported to be tortured with this method become depersonalized by losing personal identity and suffers from hallucinations or psychosis. The torture basically turned your brain against you.

And it's one of the worst things for a human being to experience, no matter who they are.

And this...is the perfect set up for the Nightmare World to create, a suffering of your own mind, the brightest torture method to exist. And this place would also be where Antasma's Left Brain is trapped in, desperately trying to find a way out of this place that he had been stuck in for the past 1000 years. Now why do I think that Antasma has a split brain personality? Mainly because of the Pi'illo's vagueness, even though they said that they don't know where he came from...how did they know his a Dreamy Bat in the first place? Like, Antasma could've previously been something that's probably not a Dreamy Bat, maybe a different species of bat all together. So why do they know what he was before? My guess? They're LYING Why did Dreambert refer Antasma as King even though he had literally never called himself that, why did the Pi'illos' all insist that his a Dreamy Bat even though they clearly stated they don't know where he came from??? Questions QUESTIONS!!!!! Why does Antasma holds a grudge against the Pi'illos? At first it could be assumed that its because they trapped him for a thousand years, but the way on how fiercely he fought Dreambert suggests that his rivalry with him lasted WAYYY longer than just him eating nightmares and being evil.

Maybe...It's because the Pi'illos' was the ones that screwed him over in the first place...

Remember when I said that I was confused on why Dreambert calls Antasma a king when he himself doesn't call himself one? Yeah...that...

Perhaps...Antasma was actually a king before, a King of the Nightmare World. Maybe he was actually a Dreamy Bat turned Nightmare....but he only resided within the Nightmare World. Cuz like, how tf was there only one species of him when bats are known to have a habit of pooping out babies faster then you could say: Ey patoto tser matata. On puenes corron brangar coram brangan yaay geigoronama todoro nomonam sugoro bravo and congregay. Postono tunitena tuna na sena tona gamama brrrr senanana seradenanana raba tane e. Ano no no no see vetera el borocone teno done de. Atono coro todei trae bosto arapa to to de seca dota. Deya toma todo ropo tuno ge arapa to. Arapada ohto otro es ey su otro apada veh ito. Amos traedo roho serapade toro o or na paed poro. Amarato toro sorei baro. (Luigi's Italian gibberish) Which is where this theory that I had comes into play, Antasma most likely devoured other wannabe species of himself before he began building his kingdom in the Nightmare World. Which suggests that Antasma probably only resided and existed in the Nightmare World, until the Pi'illos' came around and found out.

There's a very high chance that the Pi'illos grew fearful of the kingdom that Antasma build, so they most likely infiltrated his kingdom through various diplomatic means, (his kingdom was probably very powerful). And attempt to kill him from the inside because of the power he has.

Now obviously this did not work and only succeeded in splitting his brain/body apart. Which explains why Antasma does not wear a crown in game, it most likely got split in half from the attack or completely destroyed.

This most likely lead to a series of disarray in his kingdom, resulting it being torn down by the panic masses and the Pi'illos. Obviously, the more emotionally and feared driven side of him immediately went into revenge mode. Leaving his weakened intelligence side to be captured and trapped into the Nightmare World's Dream's Deep.

The emotional side probably stole the Dark Stone and shattered it like how Dreambert said he did, but out of revenge for his fallen kingdom, and for the Pi'illos' betrayal.

[sleepinginmygrave]

OML 300 FOLLOWERS YES CONGRATS YOU DESERVE IT SM <3

(also lmao sry if you get a notification saying i just followed you i managed to click the unfollow button instead of the ask button like a rly smart human)

help this event is so prettyyyyyy i can’t even it looks so niceeeeeeeeee if you want to ofc/have the energy could you maybe do the manta rays one? you have such interesting interests lmao

AAAAAAH HI EVIEEEE

AND TYSM HJJHLHLHLH YEAH OFC!!!! giggling

i may have been a bit carried away so hmm it's quite long

⇢ ˗ˏˋ {manta rays}࿐ྂ AHHH so i guess you want me to talk any my interests then!!!! giggling okay hmmm i have a big big oral exam tomorrow like really big and we had a theme to chose a subject from i picked science ofc and i made my presentation at hammerhead sharks!! it's mostly about why are they shaped like that and why would evolution create something so different than all the other? hammerheads are the newest sharks to appear on our earth the first sharks appeared around 450 millions of years ago while hammerheads appeared 20 millions of years ago, they didn't knew any of the mass extinction that older shark survived; but like why would evolution take such a different turn? a shark like that look like it's prehistoric or smth while all the others sharks have a pointed snout those are the only one like that. okay first we have the vision reason: the visual field of any creature is what the can see without moving their eyes;; our monocular vision is what we can see with one eye etc and the binocular overlap is what we can see with both eyes. predator often have a wider binocular overlap so they really can focus on their preys while preys have a smaller binocular overlap and a bigger monocular vision on both eyes. when we see a hammerhead we dont really know what going on there like?? its obviously a predator but WHY ARE THEIR EYES SO FAR APPART and i'm making it short but basically in 2009 searches looked into this made an experience with two more basic sharks and three hammerheads (among those were the winghead shark, the one with the longest head compared to his body (his head is 1m long while is body is 2m) and turns out the longer the head the bigger the binocular overlap so YEAH they have the best view of the marine world and it shows!! the second reason is for hydrodynamic!! when thinking hydrodynamic we tend more to think abt dolphins, with thin nose that can cut through water. so like. WHY??? why making something that takes so much more effort for hammerheads to carry!!! for quite some time scientists beleive the cephalofoil (name of the head) acted like a plane wing (that's where the word came from actually) since sharks din't have a swim bladder they can't stop swimming so they thought it was like to keep their head parallel to the water flow or smth BUT again to make it short turns out its for MANEUVRABILITY!!! (or however you type this shit) i won't go into details BUT when the incline their head like upward or forward it help them move?? kinda?? like quicker hk and we we see what their diet is composed of (especially wingeads, bc the bigger the head the more MANEUVRABILITY) it FITS like they do eat a lot of really quick agile fishes so the cane moved up down left right and turn REALLY QUICK thanks to their cephalofoil hehe AND FINALLY the last reasons is their 6th sense!!! all sharks have a six sence that make them able to detect electric fields produced by ughhh living things?? so yeah it's mostly like ''pores'' called ampullae of lorenzini (silly name ik) and its all over their nose!! again u won't get into details of how it works but yeah they can detect electric fields SO since hammerheads have like a way bigger head they have a lot more ampullae!!! so they can detect more!!! (i'm trying to make this the least complicated i promise) SO YEAH that's why you can see their head moving like that close to the sand it's actually a ting like a metal detector but its looking for preys!!! and this sense can work even when the five other senses dont' work SOOOO all this combined makes them GREATTT hunters!!!! yay!!! i love hammerheads!!! i love sharks!!! i may have gotten a bit carried away sorry hjjlhglg also i didn't read all this again so bear with me i'm just excited and sleep deprived as i type this

thanks for your visit!! don't hesitate to come back<33

[vinsmokewife]

misery / chapter one

Sequel to Who Is This Person Nine months after the catfishing incident and Sanji still can't catch a break. After a major arguement with Zoro on the night of his birthday, Zoro breaks it off entirely claiming to have found someone new. Sanji moves on and meets Charlotte Pudding, a popular food infulencer, whom he develops a superficial but pleasant relationship with. However, news gets around that Zoro goes missing and Sanji can't help but dig into what happened. read on ao3

authors note: Well shit. After my much-needed hiatus, I am back with a sequel to Who Is This Person? Sorry for the delay in this story, I tend to have a relationship with One Piece where I binge 200 episodes then don’t watch it for a year. A lot has happened recently. I had a mental breakdown, it was incredibly suicidal and I'm currently in recovery from that. The Counseller I'm seeing while I’m waiting for a diagnosis said I should go back to writing fanfiction (as my last happy period was when I started this account) I was also really into JJK for a while but I’m dwindling back into One Piece. Sorry, this is who I am XD Anyway, all that aside, I’m so excited to be working on this story again. I really enjoyed writing Who Is This Person so I’m here to give you all Misery.

The buzzing of his phone brought Sanji into alertness. He had been pulling an all nighter studying for his exams and only the incessant beeping of his mobile device could bring him out of it. He looked at the clock seeing that it was two in the afternoon. He had slept in quite significantly. 

A lot had happened since the so called ‘Zoey incident’. That was nearly a year ago now. Nine months exactly. In the aftermath, Sanji tried to move on with his life. He had a renewed sense of vigor about his ambitions and wanted to climb higher. Sanji had been nonstop pestering Zeff about being made a sous chef. See, he was fine with just being a regular chef, but he saw himself aiming a bit higher. Zeff...as always said no. The old man never directly said any of this, but he didn’t want Sanji to become tied down the Baratie. Again, Zeff never said this but always seemed to push Sanji to explore more options. He wanted him to aim higher than being here.  

Culinary School seemed like the next step which...had kept him busy. Enrolling had kept him busy. Classes, assignments and then the practical tests seemed to consume his time more than working at the Baratie ever had. He sometimes almost forgot about nine months ago. 

Almost 

It took Sanji a few moments to wake up fully as he sat up in his bedroom. He still lived in the same place. He looked out of the window from where he was sitting. He didn’t intend on leaving his room today. But once he felt ready to see the message, he grabbed his yawn and with a big yawn and a stretch, he was ready to open the message. It was from Luffy. It had been a few days since he had seen Luffy.  He hadn’t been working nights, so he didn’t even get to see Luffy that way. Every now and then, Luffy will send messages begging for Sanji to close so he can come and take the food he used to almost a year ago. 

L: SANJI 

L: ANSWER ME 

L: angryface angryface 

L: WHERE ARE YOU? 

And the rest of the messages were angry gifs and angry faces. Sanji watched them roll in. It seemed that Luffy had been trying to get a hold of him. It wasn’t long before Sanji replied. 

S: Sorry I was asleep. 

S: What do you want? 

L: LMAO were you sleeping during the day? 

S: Some of us are busy and work.  

L: I WORK 

S: Bothering Shanks at his job doesn’t count as work. 

L: > : ( 

S: Okay. What did you message me for? 

L: I need you at the Baratie! Tonight. 7. 

S: I’m not working at 7 just for you to get freebies. 

L: No no as like a not work thing? 

L: YOU DON’T NEED TO WORK. 

L Is what I’m tryingt o say 

L: *trying to say* 

L SANJI IT’S SO IMPORTANT PLEASE COME AT 7. 

Sanji frowned, rubbing his eyes of the sleep that was still there. What did Luffy have to message him about a surprise for. He didn’t respond just yet. He stretched his muscles feeling all the tension in his back from sitting at the desk all night. Then, he replied. 

S: Fine. I’ll be there. 

Sanji tossed his phone to the side and then stood up. He shook off the remnants of sleep. Seeing as his plans of lazing were finished, he decided to have a shower. Just a quick shower before getting stressed and going into the kitchen where he made himself a strong cup of coffee. As the coffee machine hummed and the smell of Arabic coffee roamed in the kitchen, his mind began to drift as it often did when he was alone. 

Zeff was right. He often was about these things. Going to school had broadened his horizons.  It challenged him on the way he thought about food. It had been good for him.  

However, his mind often went back to one person and no matter how much he tried to forget, he still thought about him.  

He made his cup of coffee and sat down at the table. 

Zoro. Even just thinking about him made his stomach turn. Zoro and he had been incredibly rocky recently. From the outside, it looked as if Sanji and Zoro got on a lot more than they used to. They hung out alone. They went out for dinner. They would go home and hook up then Zoro would leave. However, Sanji still held him at arm's length. Any attempt Zoro made at deepening their relationship was batted away. Sanji didn’t want to deepen their relationship. They were friends with benefits and nothing more.  

As much as he tried to, Sanji found it difficult to move past what happened. Nine months later. Sanji gripped his cup as resentment and confusion pinged inside of him. He took a long sip of his coffee as he felt brewed. As much as he tried to shake these thoughts, they always go back to the same thing. It bothered him – the fact that Zoro seemed to take up so much space in his mind.  Not even his exams took up this much space. The boundaries had been made clear; at least that was what Sanji told himself anyway. They were just friends with benefits. A little friendlier than before. A lot more complicated. The lines blurred in a way that Sanji couldn’t control. He hated it. Truely and utterly hated it. 

Nine months. Nine months really should have been enough time to move on. However, whenever he closed his eyes at night. All he saw was Zoro. 

With a frustrated sigh, Sanji put his cup on the table a little too forcefully, the clatter of porcelain and the glass table jarring him out of his thoughts. He needed to clear his head. Thinking about Zoro wasn’t helping. He had to figure out why Luffy was insistent on meeting up tonight but if he knew Luffy, it would be chaos which was very much a welcomed distraction. 

As the day went on, Sanji decided to push the thoughts away and not acknowledge them anymore. He instead focused on trying to play a guessing game about what Luffy is planning. He laid out an outfit, opting into going for something that is casual but put together. After all, this was his home turf, the Baratie, even if he wasn’t working tonight. Old habits die hard. 

As the day went on, the idea of Luffy planning a surprise took up his mind and he wasn’t thinking about Zoro anymore. It could be something endearing to outright disastrous, both ends of the spectrum Sanji had experienced time after another. By the time the evening rolled around, Sanji made his way down the stairs and there he was, standing in front of the restaurant. He pushed the doors open and noticed the quiet atmosphere. The evening rush had obviously not happened yet...which was weird for it being 7. He looked towards the kitchen and seen Zeff there, barking orders at the other chefs with his usual gruff demeanor.  

“Oi. Old man,” Sanji called out as he looked through into the kitchen. Zeff glanced up, a brief look of surprise but then went to his usual gruff nature. 

“Thought you were taking the night off, eggplant?”  

“I was. Luffy said I needed to come by 7,” Sanji said, leaning against the counter. 

“Oh. If it’s Luffy you are looking for, he’s around the corner,”  

Sanji nodded before continuing to go around that way. However, once he got around the corner, he was meant by thunderous yelling.  

“HAPPY BIRTHDAY” 

Oh yeah. It was his birthday today.  

He was so busy with school that he must have...forgot. No, he didn’t forget. Who forgot their birthday? No, he just wanted to wait until he was a little less busy to celebrate his birthday. So, up till this point, he didn’t make too much of a big deal about it. He didn’t know how this translated into him getting a surprise birthday. 

Sanji’s eyes scanned his friends. Nami, Usopp, Robin, Franky and of course, Luffy standing there. Luffy was grinning widely and bouncing with his usual excitement. A large cake decorated with bright icing. He recognized the cake; he had seen Zeff making it, but he had insisted it was an order for someone else. So, Zeff was also in on it. Huh. 

“Luffy...” Sanji looked away, trying not so subtly to mask his embarrassment. When he looked elsewhere, he was Zoro. He was drinking a beer, as always. The sight of him made Sanji’s heart do weird shit so he looked back at Luffy, “You know I didn’t want to celebrate until I finished my exams...” 

“Nonsense!” Luffy said, grabbing Sanji by the arm and pulling him towards his friends, “Everyone needs to celebrate their birthday properly,” 

Sanji was pulled over to the table by Luffy who was determined to make sure that Sanji enjoyed his birthday with his friends surrounding him. 

“You didn’t have to go all out,” 

“This isn’t all out.” Luffy waved off his concerns with an infectious laughter. 

Sanji couldn’t help but smile at Luffy’s infectious energy. He glanced at Zoro, still drinking beer pretending he was too cool for his birthday party.  

Luffy’s excitement was appreciated though. He took a seat between Robin and Usopp. The cake was nearby. He couldn’t help but appreciate the effort. 

“Still, you didn’t have to-” 

“It’s not all out,” Luffy insisted with a grin, his eyes sparkling with that usual excitement. “We wanted to do something nice for you. Nami and Zoro helped quite a bit,” 

Once again, his gaze went back to Zoro who was now avoiding his gaze. The mention of Zoro helping plan this seemed to catch Sanji off guard. He had to wonder how much Zoro contributed to the arrangement of this part. It made his chest feel rather tight which...was problematic to say the least. 

He could not. He could not let his emotions ruin the night. 

“I find it hard to believe that Zoro actually helped...” Sanji rolled his eyes, sitting back in his chair trying to give off an impression that he didn’t care, “It actually is thoughtful which makes me doubt it,” 

Zoro shot him a look, still nursing his bear as his scowl deepened, “Yeah, well, don’t get used to it,” He muttered, although looking closely there could have been something of the smallest hint of a small very small smile, something soft that almost felt like fondness. 

Even if Sanji tried to be indifferent, his mind felt like it was racing. Honestly, he didn’t know why but inside it felt like it pissed him off. These little, small meaningful gestures made it incredibly hard for Sanji to separate himself from Zoro. It made it easier to...forget about what happened. Sometimes, it felt like he could maybe ease up around Zoro. 

Maybe...just maybe. 

“Maybe next time, stick to what you are good at,” Sanji shook his head, “You know, heavy lifting and lack of direction,”  

In front of everyone, their banter felt normal. It felt like things had never changed. It felt as if they had just moved on from their lives. However, Sanji felt a weird edge right now. Tension with unresolved feelings between them as he tries to still be indifferent. 

Luffy, obviously oblivious to everything that was going on, laughed, “You two never change!” He said before grabbing another slice of cake. “But hey! At least the gang is here!” 

Breaking eye contact with Zoro, his attention was back on Luffy. Luffy was right. This was a nice gesture from all three of them. It would be a shame to have it ruined by his own racing mind. He looked at Zoro who avoided his eyes. 

“Yeah, you are right,” Sanji smiled, “I appreciate it...thank you,” 

The rest of the evening passed in a blur of laughter, jokes and the comfort of being surrounded by friends. What Sanji didn’t know was that Zeff had closed the whole restaurant so that they could focus on Sanji’s surprise party. Amazing food came out as well as drinks and desserts. Luffy definitely had his fair share of food and Zoro had his fair share of drinks. 

When desserts came out, Sanji excused himself and went outside. He needed to...collect his thoughts. He needed to think about things outside. When he was outside, he sat on the step of the door and lit up a cigarette. He was lost in his thoughts outside when the door opened. 

“Are you okay?”  

Thankfully, it wasn’t Zoro. It was Robin. Sanji exhaled a long plume of smoke. The orange glow of his cigarette lit up his face in the darkness. He didn’t immediately respond. He just let the silence speak for itself. Robin was...for better or worse, incredibly perceptive. She always had been. Sanji had heard that Robin had been...somewhat involved in the club that Zoro frequented...or used to.  

“Yeah,” He said, although he wasn’t sure if he believed that and his voice lacked the conviction for her to believe him too, “Just needed a breather...” 

Robin didn’t say anything immediately, but she did sit next to him. She allowed him another puff of his cigarette before speaking. 

“It’s okay to feel overwhelmed, Sanji,” She said, her voice understanding but cautious as she didn’t wish to overstep, “Especially on nights like this. Birthdays can be...a time of reflection,” 

Sanji took another drag as he watched the smoke curled into the night air, “I guess. I’m certainly in a reflective mood tonight,” 

Robin nodded as she watched the smoke dissipate into the night air, “It’s understandable,” She said as her tone was gentle, “A lot has happened recently. It’s only human to be affected by what happened,” 

Sanji shook his head with a very bitter chuckle, “I thought I moved on. I feel terrible... Luffy, Nami and... Zoro put a lot of effort into this and I... well, can’t help but think about things,” 

Robin decided to let him talk rather than inject her own thoughts as her hands rested on her lap, looking out into the air. Her presence felt...so warming that he couldn’t help but talking even more. 

“It’s like...you know, I tell myself that it doesn’t matter. I’m better off just focusing on my career and future but then,” Sanji gestured animatedly in the direction of the restaurant, “Zoro does something...stupidly kind... and I feel like those walls I’m trying to build up around him just...”  

He realizes how it sounds and retracts slightly. Robin didn’t need to know every single detail of what was going on. He retracts and takes another puff of smoke, feeling even more bitter than he had done. 

“It’s clear that Zoro has some sort of effect on you. It’s not easy to let events go...” Robin responded. 

Sanji frowned. It wasn’t what he wanted to hear. He wanted her to call him a jerk but then again, that wasn’t like Robin. Robin was...perspective.  

“Nine months. I’m still stuck,” 

Robin turned her head slightly, “Moving on isn’t a linear process. Sometimes, it’s two steps forward and one step back,” 

Sanji let out a sigh, running his hand through his hair. “But I don’t want to have these feelings. Zoro did the worst thing he could have done to be me ever and I can’t let it go. I just...want to let it go...” He clenched his fists, the frustration and bitterness simmering inside, “I hate him. I really really hate him but sometimes I don’t,” There was a beat of silence before Robin spoke up. 

“Then, you need to talk to him about it. Make those boundaries clear or forgive him. Either way, holding onto it and hoping that it will go away, will only hurt yourself,” 

His jaw tightened. He wanted to reject her advice and brush her off. He had gone for the past nine months without talking to him about it, but he knew that she was right. Holding onto this anger, this bitterness and it was bothering him. The truth was sinking in. Maybe it was time to decide. The thought made his stomach do funny things, but Robin was right; he couldn’t keep running from it forever. He had to face this head on. 

“Thank you, Robin,” His voice softer, more sincere than it had been before, “I’ll think about what you’ve said,” 

She gave a small nod before standing up. 

“One step at a time,”  

Sanji watched her get up and go back inside. Despite her being gone, her words echoed in his mind. He wasn’t sure what he was going to do now but for the first time in these past nine months, he felt like he had direction...he knew what he had to do. 

He took the final drag of his cigarette before stubbing it out. With a deep breath, he stood up and turned back towards the door. The night was still young. His journey was not yet over, and it was like Robin said... 

One step at a time. 

- 

The night went on for a couple more hours, nearly approaching midnight.  Everyone had a great time. The evening continued with laughter and conversation. Thankfully, Sanji’s mind felt more at ease as he joined the rest. Even if he had to decide what to do, it was enough peace to let him enjoy the rest of the night. As it approached a new day, the group's energy began to wane, and people began to leave. Robin and Franky, who were still a steadfast couple left together, Luffy and Usopp left with intentions of going back to Luffy’s and Nami left with the intention of spending the night with Vivi who she was still very much dating. As Sanji began to watch everyone leave, it left him alone...well...not exactly.  

Sanji was assured by Zeff that he would handle the mess in the morning which had Sanji having his last cigarette of the night outside. He looked towards the stairs leading up to his apartment. He was about to turn and leave when he heard someone else leave the restaurant. 

It was Zoro and they both looked at each other. Sanji continued to smoke, and Zoro watched him as if he wanted to say something, but didn’t so Sanji was the first one to speak. 

“Wanna come up stairs? It’s a long way home,”  

It was the nicest way of asking Zoro if he wanted to stay the night. Now that everyone else was gone, Sanji and Zoro could drop the acting.  

“Sure. I didn’t want to walk home anyway,” 

Sanji shook his head with a humorless laugh. His reply was gruff as usual but there was some warmth behind it. They stood there for a moment, the silence between them was thick with words they couldn’t say then.  It was tension that in the past nine months had become very familiar. It had begun to define their relationship...their very complicated relationship. 

Once he was ready, he stubbed out his cigarette as his mind reeled from the advice he had been given by Robin. It couldn’t be put off any longer. Sanji had to do something about what was on his mind.  

“Come on. Let’s go then,”  

Zoro followed Sanji without a word. The quiet footsteps on the stairs were the only sound as they made their way up to Sanji’s apartment. 

When they were inside, Sanji flickered on the light. There was a soft glow in a familiar space. Zoro looked around. He was unreadable. Maybe he could tell that change needed to happen too.  

Sanji busied himself to begin with. He kicked his shoes off, tidied up a few items and the like as if to avoid talking to him. As normal, Zoro helped himself to a beer from the fridge and sat on the sofa, watching Sanji clean up.  

“Are you okay?” 

Sanji stopped what he was doing and looked at Zoro strangely. Was it that obvious? 

“I’ve been in a reflective mood...” Sanji muttered, thinking about the conversation he had with Robin recently. 

“Yeah?” Zoro said but more to prod more of an answer as if wanting to know Sanji’s thoughts but all it did was bring hesitation to the blond who stopped what he was doing and sat on the chair across from the sofa, away from Zoro. The familiar tension felt strange. 

“Yeah...” Sanji’s voice was low as he leaned back in his chair. 

Zoro’s expression remained stoic but there was a flicker of something on his face, but it was unreadable. Sanji didn’t know whether Zoro was also feeling reflective or if he had no idea what he was talking about. Either way, Sanji leaned forward. 

“I keep telling myself that I hate you. I really do hate you. Yet, when you do things like what you did tonight with Nami and Luffy...” Sanji ran his hand through his hair, “It pisses me off because you do these kind decent little things and then I don’t know how I feel...” 

Zoro didn’t say anything. What could he say? They’ve been over this countless times. No matter how many times they ended up in each other's room or have these little meet ups, they still go around in circles talking about nine months ago. Neither of them was over it nor honestly, no one could be blamed. 

“I hate you for this. I really do...” 

Zoro looked directly at Sanji, “I don’t blame you,” 

Sanji’s breath caught. That was it. Zoro accepted it with bluntness, and it caught him off guard entirely. He had expected an argument, maybe a gruff retort but instead, Zoro accepted it. 

And that just annoyed him even more. It was suffocating and yet, this was the most honest that they had been with each other this whole time. 

“I don’t want to keep going around in these circles,” Sanji’s voice was strained, “But I don’t think I can move forward...the way that things are going,” 

“You think I haven’t tried? That I don’t want to try and move on?” Zoro responded, clutching his beer like an anchor, “Do you think I haven’t suffered from this too? I know nothing I can say will make you accept what’s going on...” 

“Then why do we keep doing this? Why help with the party? Why do you keep coming back to my place? Why?” 

There was a beat of silence. Sanji had clenched his fists so hard that specs of blood appeared on the palm of his hand, but it didn’t hurt. He had bigger fish to fry right now, and it was all about Zoro. 

And Zoro just continued to stare at him. He settled his beer down on the table and leaned forward, as if trying to close the distance between them, “Because...” He began, his voice lower and more measured than normal, “No matter how much we hate each other and no matter how much we hurt each other, I cannot stay away from you. You think I enjoy this? That I love how much of a mess we are?” 

And that felt like an honest admission from Zoro. Something that Sanji could not honor in return as he scowled, “Then why the hell are we doing this? If you can’t stay away and I can’t let it go, then what the hell are we doing here?” 

And there it was again. That silence showed that neither of them knew the answer. Those raw feelings just bubbled below the surface. 

“I don’t know,” Zoro sighed, “I don’t know okay,” His voice low and rough, “I don’t have the answer, but I wish I did but I don’t,” 

Sanji scowled and pinched the bridge of his nose, “I can’t keep doing this with you,” 

“You don’t have to,” Zoro said, standing up as if something finally snapped, “No one is forcing you to do this. Maybe we should stop seeing each other,” Sanji’s heart clenched at those words even though a part of him had been expecting this conclusion. He had thought about this countless times before, about what it meant if they did cut ties and moved on. Yet, hearing Zoro vocalize it, made it real. 

“Is that what you want?” Sanji didn’t stand up. He looked up at Zoro who looked as if he was about to leave, as if he’d had enough. 

Zoro hesitated but the tension in the room pushed him to talk about it, “You’ve made it clear. You can’t do this anymore. So, you don’t have to. I’m giving you an out,” 

Sanji took a deep breath as if trying to steady himself. Everything felt as if it was crumbling around him, and he was grasping to give himself some normality. But maybe it was too late. Maybe this was the new normal. Everything felt already broken.  A wave of emotions crashed around him as a mix of anger and sadness. Zoro’s words were logical and to the point. He was giving Sanji an out and that was logical, but it was a punch in the gut after everything they had been through.  

This was the exact moment he had feared and wanted. 

“You are giving me an out?” Sanji stood up, shaking his head in disbelief and frustration, “Like it’s that simple? Like walking away will finish all of this?” 

Zoro clenched his jaw, “Maybe it is that simple, Sanji. Maybe we are making it more difficult than it had to be,”  

It was the moment he had to decide. Sanji’s heart raced and for a moment, he just couldn’t find the words. What did he want? 

“I think you are right,” Sanji said. Maybe he was right. Maybe they needed to stop. “Maybe walking away will help,” 

Zoro nodded, his face unreadable but he looked towards the door and then back to him, “I agree. I will leave you alone then...” His words hung in the air, heavy and final. The silence that followed it was suffocating and filled with things that they didn’t even get a chance to say. Finally, there was an end to this unrelenting cycle. 

For a moment, time stopped. By the time that Sanji realized that time’s arrow marched forward, Zoro opened the door and was gone. The blonde stood there frozen. So that was it. Zoro had walked out of his life as if it was nothing. He had wanted this – to end this cycle but now that it had happened, Sanji felt hollow. He clenched his fists again, realizing the pain of cuts on his hand but it was nothing compared to the pain in his chesrt. Nine months. He’d put up with this for nine months and for what? What did he have to show for it? 

Instead of relief, he felt loss.  

He sat on the sofa, the exhaustion of the night caught up on him. He rubbed his face, noticing the wetness on his cheeks. 

One step at a time. 

But what was the next step? What did he do next? How did you move on now? 

Sanji leaned back on the sofa, reaching for his lighter and cigarettes. He lit one up and stared at the ceiling. He had made his choice, now he had to live with it. Maybe that’s how it was supposed to end.  

One step at a time. 

[halsteadlover]

Just a little rant here about my personal life so feel free to skip lol

I know nobody is gonna read this and I’ll probably delete this when I’ll come to my senses but right now I feel so depressed I just need to get this out of my chest. I always felt tumblr like a safe space so here I am.

I don’t know if you remember the times where I took some time off because of anxiety and my mental health.

Lately it feels like it’s getting worse and I really don’t know what to do, I don’t know if many of you will relate (I really hope not) but it’s just like I don’t know how to be happy and I really hate it here man. I’m so tired of feeling like this, always worrying and having anxiety about something I don’t even know about. I feel so crazy sometimes you know? Like there’s nothing wrong with me, I’m honestly so grateful for the things god gave me. I’m healthy, I have a loving family (even if sometimes they’re overbearing to the point of crazy), I get to study for my dream job, I have a bf that puts up with my ass, friends even if few of them, there’s nothing wrong there are so many worse things people go through and I don’t even have to right to rant about any of this. So why do I feel like I don’t deserve any of this?

I have such deep trust issues it’s ruining my life and relationships, I don’t know why. I hate myself and I sometimes think I don’t deserve to be loved, I’m not that speciale and I’m so damn insecure that every good thing that happens in my life I can’t help but think it’s gonna fade in a minute, that something bad might happen, that I’m so easily replaceable.

Sometimes I truly think that if I disappeared no one would notice or miss me, I thought about doing it but I’m so damn scared. I don’t know where this is coming from, maybe the bullying had something with it I don’t honestly know but I’m so tired of feeling like this.

Why can’t I just love me? Why can’t I enjoy a single good thing that happens to me? Why do I keep sabotage myself by thinking I don’t deserve any happiness and it’ll soon fade away?

For example, these last two days I took three different exams and even though I’m relieved I can’t help but think I’m such a failure, that my parents are so disappointed in me for taking so long to finish a degree I was supposed to finish years ago.

I had an anxiety attack yesterday morning while I was with my bf and I sobbed for hours while he held me but if you ask me what triggered it I wouldn’t know how to answer you.

Why am I like this? Why am I not normal?

It’s just a bit of everything and I honestly don’t know what to do.

But please don’t judge me. I’m aware these “problems” are nowhere serious like some others and I’m so sorry for being so dramatic it’s just… I don’t know guys, I just want to be happy, to feel loved without actually thinking about the worst.

Am I soo pretentious? Do I sound so ungrateful? Complaining about these things when I have everything some people unfortunately dream of? I don’t want to sound like that and I feel so guilty about having these thoughts.

I know you’ll think I’m an attention seeker, fishing for compliments or things like that, I’ve been told that before here and I’m so sorry if it seems that way but trust me it’s the opposite of that. I’m telling this here because I guess it’s easier behind the screen, when no one knows you and can really judge you, but I also thing you’ll judge me anyway but at least it was good for me to let this out.

If someone reads this I hope you won’t think of me any less, and if you’re feeling something like this too I’m so sorry and if you want to talk my inbox and DMs are ALWAYS open for you guys, I’m here even if it takes me some time to answer.

Sorry if something doesn’t make any sense, I didn’t even read this back I’m just cried my eyes out while writing this post and now I have a headache. At least I hope the sleeping will be good lmao.

But tomorrow will be better, I’m sure of this.

[cha-melodius]

⭐! i love director's cuts for fics so i can't choose one fic LOL

Hello anon you sent this quite a long time ago but I put it off until I'd gotten through the rest of them to see what hadn't been asked yet. I hope you've enjoyed all the other ones I've posted!

How about Class(room) Warfare?

This was one of my earlier fics in this fandom. It started out as a drabble on the word 'routine' that I wrote during the middle of the semester, but then I couldn't stop thinking about it. I included the note "Much of this is inspired by my everyday life. Make of that what you will" at the beginning of the fic, but here are some of those actual inspirations:

Surprise! Your class has been moved to a new room at the last minute.

Facilities never fixing anything in any kind of reasonable time frame

"it’s freezing in the autumn and boiling hot in the dead of winter, half of the desks are broken, and the whiteboard is permanently stained an off-putting grey"—a direct description of some of our classrooms on my college's campus lol

There are never any whiteboard markers that work in the classrooms, so everyone always brings their own

Mentions of Alex and Henry not wanting to piss off someone senior on campus because they're pre-tenure, because the committee that reviews your tenure application is made up of your tenured colleagues and people absolutely hold grudges.

“No one’s coming and you know it” [to Nora's office hours]. No one ever comes to office hours right after an exam, if they come to office hours at all tbh.

Being ready for all the students to leave campus so the tiny college town gets quiet. Sorry, we really do look forward to it lol.

Also, last fall semester—a year after I wrote this fic—I had a class where the professor before me regularly forgot to erase the boards. It felt like some kind of karma for writing this lmao.

(Fanfic Writers: Director’s Cut)

[butchybats]

Okay this is again me obsessed with lesbian Devil's Minion. I had written I have lots of thought about Armand's gender presentation and her way of comforming or not comforming through the century. I want you that it's long and there is lots of projection going on lmao. Sorry if it took me a while to answer but I have an exam some days ago so I didn't have time/energy to think too much about fandom. So my vision of Armand's gender presentation and issues and journey: I just think that as a Venetian Renaissance girlTM she may have been preassured to dress and act and behave in a certain manner. Just as in canon Armand was groomed to be the perfect imagine of the Renaissance young man but like +100. And imho her relationship with gender would change if the boys in the Palazzo remain boys or if we all change them to be girls. In the first case, I can see her resenting more the rigid gender role of their time, because of the fact that others boys were more free than Armand, and skeaking out with Riccardo&Co to go running on the streets dressed as a paige. In the second case, maybe there is less resentement and more "what if we don't try dressing as young men to go in that tavern/fairy" etc. Regardless of that, I can also see all the people around Armand (Marius in primis but not only) to take the whole objectification+"oh you just look like a doll/such a beautiful girl/pretty face" up to 100 if Armand was a girl. Imagine all the canon objectification Armand face in TVA+ the doll treatment that Claudia received in IWTV (the first book)- that's more or less how I think it would have been for a version of Armand who is a girl during the Renaissance. I imagine she would not be called a cherub but a young nynph, which is. Ick. And I imagine that, like in canon Armand had an ambiguous reaction to being called beautiful, that would be true even more in this au. I can see him (her idk) trying to present more masculine to try to avoid objectification (which is ironic giving canon) and idk wanting to distance herself from the idea of a Renaissance painting. I think during the cult years Armand would have not presented either masculine, andronynous or feminine- just long chastizing black dresses and unkept hair. This is also a some sort of way to distance herself from her apparent physical beauty that is the thing that, as a mortal, people always focused on when looking at her. Then- the theatre years. I see the theatre years as years of experimentation in term of gender presentation because well, I'm a theatre person lmao. I can see Armand, in the rare time he enters the stage, playing a male role (again the projection lmao). And then- after Louis burn down the theatre. The Modern Age TM. I can see Armand experimenting with gener presentation and finding a sort of androgynous persona and allure while still with Louis, because I think it was the beginning of last century, during La Belle Epoque etc, that the imagine of women with short hair or occasionally in trousers started become more popular. I can see Armand cutting their hair every evening like Gabrielle in canon, in modern time, or Claudia in the movie, even if for different reasons. Then the 70s/80s happens and Armand is BLOWN AWAY. By all the nuances and variety and freedom of expression in underground scene and culture that she discover through Daniel. (Also lesbian). Daniel is like, 100% butch lesbian, and we know from canon Armand does consider Daniel as the guide to the modern world. I think in this au Armand, with all her past baggage, would find Daniel's way to express herself very freeing. I can see Armand becoming less and less gender conforming in modern time, maybe even wanting to change pronouns in the 00s, maybe not, but otherwise being very fascinated for multiple reasons by the new freedom and the concept of gender as something who trascend physical bodies.

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