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scorpionyx9621 · 3 years ago

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Do you think Jason Todd fandom is kinda toxic? Because it seems like NO MATTER what DC do, there'll always be complains. Forget the bad adaptation like Titans. Even Judd Winick cannot escape the criticism with how he potrayed Robin!Jason. They just never satisfied.

SORRY, IT TOOK ME SO LONG TO RESPOND TO THIS. I just moved from Washington D.C. to Seattle, which, for my non-American friends, that's 4442km away. And I DROVE THERE ALL BY MYSELF. And now I'm trying to find new work in a new city and trying to stay mentally healthy and positive. Life is exciting but hard and scary.

*sighs*

As someone who was a fandom elder with V*ltr*n. I've seen some of the worst when it comes to fandom behavior. I'm talking people baking food with shaving razors and trying to give them to the showrunners. I'm talking leaking major plot details and refusing to take it down unless they make their ship canon (I am looking at you, Kl*nce stans) For the most part, DC Comics has had a decades-long reputation of treating their fans like trash and not caring what they think so from what I've seen, we all just grumble and complain in our corners of the internet about how we don't like how X comic portrays Jason Todd.

The challenge with Jason Todd is that he's your clinical anti-hero, the batfamily's Draco in Leather Pants, he's a jerkass woobie, and on top of all of that, he's a Tumblr sexyman. It's a perfect storm for a very fun but frustrating character to be a fan of. It doesn't help that every writer decides to re-invent the wheel every time Jason comes up so his canon lore is confusing at best and inconsistent as a standard.

I guess starting with a general brief on who Jason is and what is uniform about him with every instance he's appeared in comics/media.

Grew up in a poor family in Gotham with a dad who was a petty-mid-level criminal, and a mother who dies of a drug overdose.

Survives on the street on his own by committing petty crimes and potentially even engaging in sexual acts to keep himself alive.

Is cornered by Batman and taken in after Dick Grayson quits/is fired

Becomes the second Robin, but is known for being the harsher, more brutal Robin.

Is killed by Joker after being tortured, but somehow comes back to life and regains senses through the Lazarus Pit

Resolves himself to be better than Batman by basically being Batman but kills people.

Where there has been a lot of conflict in the fandom is the fact that Jason Todd is not a character that is written consistently. DC Comics loves to go with the narrative that Jason was "bad from the start" and was the "bad robin" when, yes, he has trouble controlling his anger, but he also still is just as invested in seeing the best of Gotham City and trying to be a positive change for the world as any other DC Comics hero.

Where I get frustrated with the fandom is its ability to knit-pick every detail of a comic they don't like while completely disregarding everything that makes the comics great and worth it to read. My example being Urban Legends. To which most people had pretty mixed reactions to. I was critical of the comic at first but as it went along I ended up really liking it. I have a feeling DC Comics went to Chip Zdarsky and told him he had 6 issues to bring Jason back into the Bat Family, and honestly he didn't do a bad job. Did it feel rushed? Absolutely. I wish there was more development of Jason and Bruce's characters and their dynamic as a whole. However, where I see a lot of people being angry and upset with Urban Legends is that they feel Zdarsky needlessly wrote Jason as an incompetent fool who needs Bruce to save him.

Whether or not that was the intention of Zdarsky is up to debate. However, and this may be controversial, but I don't think he wrote Jason Todd out of character at all. For as fearsome, intimidating, and awesome as Red Hood is. Jason is a character who is absolutely driven by his emotions. Why do you think he donned the role of Red Hood? As a response to his anger towards The Joker for killing him, and towards Bruce for not taking action against The Joker and for seemingly replacing him so quickly after he died. Jason didn't care about being the murderous Robin Hood or for being the bloody hammer of justice against N*zi's and P*d*ph*les. He only cared originally about making The Joker and Bruce pay. It wasn't until he trained under the best assassins in the world and realized most of them were horrific criminals who trafficked children and were p*dos that Talia began to realize that the teachers that she sent Jason to train under started dying horrific and painful deaths.

The entire story of the Cheer story in Batman Urban Legends was started because it finally forced some consequences upon Jason. Tyler, aka Blue Hood's father was a drug dealer who gave his supply to his wife and kids. And when Tyler's father admitted he gave the drugs to Tyler, it immediately made him fall within the self-imposed philosophical kill-list of Jason Todd. And Jason, well, he proceeds to kill Tyler's father. When this happens, Jason is in shock. Tyler's dad fit the bill to easily and justifiably be killed by Jason. We've never seen Jason having to deal with the consequences of being a murderous vigilante on a micro-level. When Jason realizes what he's done in that he's murdered Tyler's dad, he's shocked. He tells Babs the truth. He does a rational thing because he's in shock. He doesn't know what to do, he never has had to face the consequences of his actions as Red Hood and now the gravity of befriending a child as a vigilante hero who kills people just set in when he killed the father of the same child he was just introduced to.

(Oh here's a little aside because it had to be said, Jason would not have been a good father or a good mentor to Tyler and absolutely should not have been his new Robin. Jason is a man who is in his early 20's (not saying men in their early 20's can't be good fathers at all) who is a brutal serial killer using the guise of a vigilante anti-hero to let him escape most of the law. the complications of having the man who murdered your father adopt you and make you his sidekick are way too numerous for me to explain in a long-winded already heavy Tumblr essay post. There's a reason why we don't advocate for a story where Joe Chill adopted Bruce Wayne or one where Tony Zucco took in Dick Grayson.)

The next biggest argument is that they feel that Jason is giving up his guns as a means to just be invited back into the Bat-Family. To which I will tell anyone who has that argument to go actually read Urban Legends. Already have and still have that argument? Please re-read it. Don't want to? That's okay, I will paste the images from the comic where Jason specifically says that he doesn't want to give up his weapons for Bruce and his real reasoning down below since the comic isn't exactly readily accessible.

Jason gave up the guns because he felt the gravity of what he had done and knows how it'll effect Tyler. Thankfully his mom is alive and in recovery. But Tyler doesn't have a father anymore. And Jason killed Tyler's father. It may have been in accordance to Jason's philosophy, but it was a case where it blurred the lines. Jason Todd isn't a black and white character, just very dark gray. He doesn't kill aimlessly like the Joker. If you are on Jason's list you probably have done something pretty horrific, and also just in general, being in his way or being a threat to him. Mind you, in early days of Red Hood and the Outlaws (Image below) Jason almost killed 10 innocent civilians in a town in Colorado all because they saw him kill a monster. That being said, Jason isn't aimless in his kills.

(Also can we just take a moment to appreciate Kenneth Rocafort's art? DC Comics said we need to rehabilitate Jason Todd's image and Kenneth Rocafort said hold my beer: It's so SO GOOD)

That being said, the key emphasis in the story of Cheer asides from trying to introduce Jason Todd back into the Bat Family and give an actual purpose for him being there, other than him just kind of being there ala Bowser every time he shows up for Go Kart racing, Tennis, Golf, Soccer, and the Olympic games when Mario invites him, is that Jason and Bruce ultimately both want the same thing. Jason wants to be welcomed back into the family and to be loved and appreciated. Bruce want's Jason back as his son and wants to love and protect Jason. Both of these visions are shown in the last chapter of Cheer while under the effect of the Cheer Gas. It's ultimately this love and appreciation they both have for each other that helps them overcome their challenge and win.

Jason Todd is a character who, just like Bruce, has been through so much pain and so much hate in his life. The two are meant to parallel each other. While Bruce chose to see the best in everyone, giving every rogue in his gallery the option to be helped and give them a second chance, hence why he never kills, Jason has a similar view on wanting to protect the public, but he understands that some crimes are so heinous they cannot be forgiven, or that some habitual criminals are due to stay habitual criminals, and need to be put down. But at the end of the day, the two of them both try to protect people in their own ways.

I am aware that through the writings of various DC Comics authors such as Scott Lobdell and Judd Winick, the two have had a very tumultuous relationship. And rightfully so, I am by no means saying that Scott Lobdell writing an arc where Bruce literally beats Jason to within an inch of his life in Red Hood and the Outlaws, nor Judd Winick's interpretation of Under the Red Hood where Bruce throws the Batarang at Jason's neck, slicing his throat and leaving him ambiguously for dead at the end of the comic is appropriate considering DC Comics seems to be trying everything they can to integrate Jason back into the family. That being said, a lot of these writings have shaped the narrative of Jason and Bruce's relationship and have an integral effect on the way the fandom views the two. It doesn't help that Zdarsky acknowledged Lobdell's life-beating of Jason by Bruce at the very end of Cheer by having Bruce give Jason his old outfit back as a means of mending the fence between the two of them. That does complicate a lot of things in terms of how they are viewed by the fandom and helps to cause an even greater divide between the two.

Regardless, I want to emphasize the fact that Jason Todd is a part of the family of his own accord. Yes, he's quite snarky and deadpan in almost every encounter. However, Jason is absolutely a part of the family and has been for a while of his own will. There's a great moment in Detective Comics that emphasizes this. Jason cares about his family because it is his found family. Yes, they may be warry about him and use him as a punching back and/or heckle him. At the end of the day, we're debating the family dynamics of a fictional playboy billionaire vigilante whose kleptomania took the form of adopting troubled children and turning them into vigilante heroes. Jason Todd wants a family that will love and support him. This is a key definition of his character at its most basic. This was proven during the events of Cheer and is being reenforced by DC Comics every time they get the opportunity to do so.

Now, none of this is to say that I hate Judd Winick. I do not, I don't like the fact that in all of his writings of Jason, he just writes him as a dangerous psychopath, and Winick himself admits to seeing Jason as nothing much more than a psychopath. Yet Winick is the one who the majority of the fandom clings to as the one true good writer of Jason Todd because 'Jason was competent, dangerous, smart' Listen, friends, Jason is all of that and I will never deny it. However, what I love about Jason isn't that he's dangerously smart of that writers either write him as angsty angry Tumblr sexyman bait or that they write him as an infantile man child with a gun. There's a large contention of this fandom that has an obsession with Jason Todd being this vigilante gunman who is hot and sexy and while I definitely get the appeal. It is very creepy and downright disturbing that all of you hyperfixate on his use of guns and ability to be a murderer. It is creepy and I'm not necessarily here for it.

What I love about Jason Todd is that despite all of the pain, all of the heartache, all of the betrayal, and bullying, and death, and anguish. Jason Todd is one of the most loving and supportive characters in all of DC Comics. Jason has been through so much in his life, but he still chooses to love. He still chooses to see the bright side in people. Yes, he takes a utilitarian approach and chooses to kill certain villains, but at the end of the day he wants to see a better world, and he wants to be loved. It takes so much courage and so much heart to learn to love again after one has been abused or traumatized. I would not blame Jason at all if he said fuck it and just went full solo and vigilante evil. He has every right to, but he still chooses to be with the Bat Family of his own accord. That's something that I see a lot of in myself. I have been through a lot of trauma and yet I try to be a better person myself in any way that I can. It is extremely admirable of Jason to allow love back into his heart when he really doesn't need to. He kills and he protects because he has this love of society. It may have been shaped by anger and hatred, but Jason has found his place amongst people who love him and value him. I think Ducra, from Red Hood and the Outlaws put it best in the image given below.

To end this tangent, I love Jason Todd and all of his sexy dangerousness, but it's far more than that. As much as Jason may be dangerous and snarky, he loves his family without a shadow of a doubt. I look up to Jason Todd because despite all of his pain and all of his trauma, he still choses to love. Jason Todd is a character who is someone I love because despite all of his flaws and having a very toxic fandom, he still serves as a character filled with so much heart and so much passion. I wish more writers would understand that. But for now I will live with what I have. Even though the fandom may be vocal about it's hatred for his characterization, I choose to love Jason regardless because he is a character who chooses love and acceptance regardless of his pain. Jason Todd is by no means a good person in any sense of the word. He has easily killed upwards of 100 people by now. He is a character who is flawed and complex but ultimately is one who powers forwards and finds love and heart in a place from so much pain and anguish. That is what I love about Jason Todd. After all, to quote a famous undead robot superhero, "What is grief, if not love persevering?" Jason Todd chooses to love despite all of the trauma and pain and grief. Yes, he is hardened in his exterior, but inside there is a man with a lot of love to give and someone who deserves the world in my eyes.

#Long post GOD #Jason Todd #Red Hood #Bat Family #Batman #red hood and the outlaws #RHATO #RH:O #Batman Urban Legends #Red Hood Lost Days #TW Voltron #TW Death #tw murder #TW Klance #Gotta love how i am pouring my heart out onto jason AND calling out the Voltron fandom #Regardless love Jason Todd people

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hood-ex · 4 years ago

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For a batfam prompt: Dick as Nightwing, fear toxin, and Bruce?

Dick was in the middle of trying to stanch the bleeding from his nose when his comm started beeping in his ear. He sighed at the terrible timing and quickly wrangled off one of his blood coated gloves to receive the call.

“Talk to me,” he said, voice sounding high and distorted as a result of pinching his nostrils closed.

“Whoa,” Babs said. “What the hell is wrong with your voice?”

“Got a bloody nose,” Dick explained quickly. It was really uncomfortable trying to breathe and talk only through his mouth. He was definitely going to need a huge glass of water after this. “What’s up?”

“The Owls are what’s up. I need you to get your tush to the cave ASAP.”

Ah, fuck.

“What kind of trouble are our freaky electrum filled friends getting up to?” he asked, already tugging his glove back on and booking it back to where he’d left his bike half a block away. He knew he looked fucking ridiculous running while holding his nose, but it seemed pretty insignificant compared to the idea of Talons running loose and slaughtering people.

“Just one friend, actually,” Babs said. The lack of urgency in her voice made some of the anxiety in Dick’s chest dissipate. It also made him realize that they were talking about a member of the Court and not the Talons.

“Oh yeah?”

“She was schmoozing it up at the Aparo Auction House with Brucie Wayne and a hundred other rich people.”

A feeling of disgust settled in his gut, his mind replaying the time he infiltrated one of the Court’s underground auctions. The same auction that had tried to sell off the crowbar Joker had beaten Jason with.

A shiver traveled all the way down to his toes as he leapt over a puddle that was in the middle of the sidewalk. His bike was now in his sight. He could tell it was his because of the way its blue accents gleamed in the moonlight.

“Looks like Scarecrow and the Court have been doing business with each other,” Babs said in that slightly distracted way of hers that Dick was used to hearing when she was trying to talk while rubbing at her eyes. It was something she did a lot since her eyes were always strained from looking at computer screens for hours on end. “Fear toxin was released through the vents at the auction. It caused an absolute shitstorm of chaos, as you can imagine.”

“Damn,” Dick said, straddling his bike. He was secretly glad he was wearing his thermal suit so he wouldn’t have to ride to Gotham on a cold seat. The only thing he was annoyed about was that he was getting blood all over his handle bars and helmet. “Is B okay?”

“Yeah... about that...”

The anxiety in Dick’s chest cranked back up tenfold. Irrational images of Bruce lying dead in a red-stained tuxedo flashed through his mind. He shook his head, mentally yelling at himself to cool it. If something like that had happened, Bab’s wouldn’t sound as casual as she did now.

“He keeps thinking you’re dead,” she said, and for a second, Dick thought he misheard her over the sound of his tires peeling off down the street. “Red Robin says he keeps switching between rationalizing that you’re alive and thinking you bit it.”

“Huh,” Dick said, not really sure what to make of that. It wasn’t the first time Bruce had delusions of him or someone else dying while on fear toxin. Dick was just slightly surprised because it had been years since he was the sole subject of Bruce’s fear. He wondered if it was tied to Bruce knowing that a woman from the Court was at the auction. Bruce might have associated her with Dick in his mind since the Court had been after Dick for the last few years.

“All I’m saying is that you might want to hurry home quick, Hunk Wonder. Robin and Red Robin are out distributing an updated antidote to the people who got dosed at the auction. B’s antidote won’t really kick in for another thirty minutes.”

“I’ll be there in fifteen.”

“It should take you longer than that,” Babs said suspiciously.

Dick grinned under his helmet. “It would if I wasn’t making my way there like Sonic the Hedgehog on a caffeine high.”

“D-Nightwing!”

“Gotta go, O! I’ll catch you at Cass’s birthday party next weekend!”

Dick disconnected the call, knowing full well that Bab’s hated when he did that and was sure to give him an earful the next time they talked. But that was a problem for future Dick to deal with.

The ride to the batcave was filled with a lot of weaving and a few angry honks directed his way. Dick was pretty sure he might have even shaved off his expected arrival time by two minutes. He was very decidedly not going to share that with anyone else except for Roy. Roy was the only one who would appreciate it without giving Dick the third degree about safety precautions.

The cave was about as lit up as it could get when Dick’s bike came to a screeching halt next to one of the batmobiles. Alfred had probably turned on all the lights since they’d learned over the years that shadows and fear toxin really didn’t mix that well.

Dick left his helmet on his bike and hurried over to the cot Alfred always had them lie on when they were sick or injured. Sure enough, that was where Bruce was currently sitting, his feet bouncing in agitation against the floor. He was already out of his batsuit and was dressed in a soft looking blue shirt and gray sweatpants.

Bruce’s eyes were squeezed shut and his arms were wrapped tightly around himself, his knuckles white. Dick wasn’t really sure what the correct way was to approach him, but he figured letting Bruce know he was there was probably a good first step.

“Hey, B, I’m here,” Dick said, walking slowly up to his dad to try and give him enough time to work out what was real and what wasn’t.

Bruce’s head jerked at the sound of his voice, his bloodshot looking eyes immediately seeking out Dick’s own. He looked... well, not okay but not terrible either. Mostly just pale and a little shaky.

It was the way Bruce was staring at him that made Dick feel nervous all over. His eyes were wide and haunted looking as they soaked Dick up like a sponge. It was the kind of raw look Dick had only ever seen on parent’s faces when they realized their baby wasn’t coming home.

It was Bruce after Jason’s death. It was Bruce after Damian’s death. It was Bruce after T—

“You want to tell me what’s going on in that head of yours?” Dick asked quietly, becoming more alarmed as he noticed Bruce was breathing so quickly that his chest was practically heaving.

Bruce’s voice cracked as he murmured, “Dick?”

Bruce’s increasing panic didn’t make sense until Dick reached out his hand to comfort him and saw all the blood coated over his glove.

Oh wow. He was a fucking asshole, wasn’t he?

He jerked his arm back to his side and whirled around so that Bruce couldn’t see all the dried blood on his face.

“I’m okay, Bruce. I’m okay. I got a bloody nose from patrol and... just wait, okay? Let me clean this off.”

You’re such an idiot, Dick thought as he jogged towards the shower area, ripping off his gloves as he went. Once he was hidden from Bruce’s sight, he quickly peeled off his suit because, yeah, he found that blood had dripped on it as well. No wonder he was staring at you like you’d actually... like you were really...

He grabbed a clean towel from the pile they kept on a rack, and then he wet it and went about scrubbing all the blood off his skin until his face looked raw and the towel looked rusted. He was shivering by the time he was done. The cave was always cold and the water definitely wasn’t helping with that.

Dick looked in the mirror and made sure there was no more blood on him before he went to their extra clothes supply rack. Weirdly, the shirts and hoodies from his own pile were missing. He barely restrained himself from rolling his eyes, knowing Tim and Damian had probably been taking his stuff again. Tim always forgot to replace the clothes he borrowed after washing them, and Damian usually hoarded the clothes in his bedroom.

Bruce and Jason’s stacks were still pretty well stocked. Dick made a considering sound in the back of his throat as he looked between them. Jason would definitely blow a gasket if he realized someone had taken his clothes, and contrary to popular belief, Dick really didn’t like fighting with Jason. On the other hand, wearing Bruce’s clothes was kind of weird.

Says the guy who wore his batsuit, his traitorous brain reminded him.

Shrugging, Dick grabbed some red gym shorts from his own pile and a black t-shirt and hoodie from Bruce’s pile. He did end up taking Tim’s Nike slides because his own slip on shoes had been stolen by two kleptomaniacs.

By the time he’d gotten himself dressed, he saw that Alfred had returned from upstairs and was coaxing Bruce into eating an artfully prepared sandwich. Dick wouldn’t mind eating one as long as there was no sign of cucumbers in it.

“Ah, Master Dick,” Alfred smiled, looking both happy to see him and also relieved that he wouldn’t have to deal with Bruce by himself. Bruce whipped around to where Dick was, and their eyes locked briefly before Bruce dropped his gaze like he was embarrassed about needing to reassure himself that Dick was actually there.

“Hey, Alfie,” Dick said with a small smile of his own. He plopped himself on the cot next to Bruce, and before Bruce could protest, he grabbed Bruce’s fingers and forcefully pressed them against his wrist where his pulse was beating steadily. Bruce’s fingers trembled against his skin from the effects of the toxin, but he didn’t try to move them away. Instead, his shoulders relaxed into a more comfortable position, and he ended up leaning some of his weight against Dick’s shoulder.

“You gonna eat that sandwich?” Dick asked Bruce who had closed his eyes and seemed to be silently counting the beats of Dick’s pulse.

Alfred would normally intervene at a time like this and insist that he could go get Dick his own sandwich, but this time, Alfred stayed silent and watched them both with a knowing look.

“No,” Bruce shook his head lightly. “You go ahead and eat it.”

“Are you super-duper sure? Or just super sure? Or just duper sure? What level of sure are you?”

Bruce finally cracked the tiniest of grins at the game Dick used to play with him back when their worlds were a little smaller. Back when Casa de Wayne only had a population of three.

Score, Dick thought with a smile of his own, feeling proud of himself.

“I’m super-duper sure you can eat the sandwich,” Bruce said.

That was essentially code for: I’ll throw up all over the floor if I have to eat even a bite of that sandwich. Dick took it as a sign to back off.

“Well, as long as you’re super-duper sure,” Dick said, making grabby hands at Alfred for the sandwich in question. Alfred only looked mildly exasperated as he handed it over.

Bruce’s fingers tightened around Dick’s wrist. “Trust me, I’m good.”

When Dick looked over at Bruce, he realized that Bruce’s eyes were open, and this time, they looked much clearer. The antidote seemed to have finally made its way through his system.

“Good,” Dick said, playfully jostling Bruce’s shoulder.

There was no stopping his surprised laugh when Bruce jostled him back.

#Dick Grayson #Bruce Wayne #Barbara Gordon #Alfred Pennyworth #IT'S FINALLY DONE MUAHAHAHA #my fic #chestnutcats

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catxsnow · 5 years ago

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EASIER THIS WAY J.T.

Request: Hi! Girl.....I LOVE U AND YOUR WRITING! Can I make a request?! Jason Todd x BatSis! Where they complety fall in love with each other but try to hide it at all cost. Like Nickelback song: trying not to love you. Thank u 🥰

Warning: all the fluff, some of the angst, 100% soft Jason

A/N: I’m hoping that this was the vibe you were going for?? If not I’m so sorry! How are you all? I feel like I’ve been inactive lately and I’m sorry for that.

Also I don’t do batsis x batboy so this is just they’re roomates and friends. Though reader did get training from Bruce.

Send me some chats, some asks, whatever you’d like I’d love to get to know you guys more!!!!

Word Count: 4.5k

Relationships were messy.

With every relationship that you had ever witnessed, there was always someone that got hurt. The kind of heartbreak that never left you and the pain that would last a lifetime because you thought that this one person was meant to be there with you forever. No, relationships seemed like they were not worth the risk.

You stayed clear of them. Your whole life you managed to avoid having a relationship - it was never a priority and it was always something you thought to be a waste of time. You had casual relationships - hookups - but never committed enough to see yourself as a couple. It was just easier that way.

Then came Jason fucking Todd.

Jason was a man of many mysteries, and each one you solved brought you closer and closer to breaking your one rule. You were allured by him, constantly. He was the only person you had met that wasn't afraid of getting things done, even if it wasn't always morally right. He knew where to draw the line between saving and suffering.

You couldn't help yourself from these feelings with Jason. Your desire to constantly be with him, to fight along side him, even during your free time you spent it with him. If someone ever saw you and Jason apart, it would have come as a surprise. The two of you were inseparable since the day you met.

As your feelings grew, the more you realized that this wasn't friendship that you wanted with him, it was love - you fell in love with him. However, your life's beliefs of not wanting a relationship held you back. Dating Jason would only make things messy, you weren't ready to face something like that.

So, you hid them. Not a single person knew about your feelings for Jason Todd and you were going to make sure it stayed that way. With no one knowing, there was no way that anyone could pressure you to act on how you felt about him. No one to tell you that you and him would be perfect together.

As much as you told yourself that it was better this way, you still didn't want to believe your words. It was a constant struggle to keep your feelings from him. The everlasting longing to be with him in a way that was more than friendly clouded your mind. He was constantly lurking in your mind, dreams, and nightmares.

Nightmares of the ones you cared most about dying. Nightmares of turning against every moral you worked so hard to achieve. Nightmares of becoming the evil you tried to defeat. Nightmares of losing Jason.

That was the kind of nightmare that clouded your sleep that night. Losing him for the second time in the hands of the Joker, this time with no Lazurus pit to bring him back. He was gone, and never to return.

"NO!" You yelled, waking up from the horrible nightmare. Sweat covered your body and matted in your hair. Your breathing was heavy, uneven, and unable to return to normal. When you tried to push the hairs out of your face, your hands shook with an uncontrollable tremor. This nightmare had shaken you to the bone.

"(Y/N)," Jason stood in the door way of your room. The light from the hall shadowed his face, but you could tell from the lean body and hoarse voice that this was indeed him. He had heard you scream, aware that your nightmares were sometimes too much for you to handle by yourself.

Jason said nothing as he watched the tears slip down your face. He closed the door to your room and sat on the edge of your bed. He knew what it was like to struggle with nightmares night after night. They carried an effect with them that seemed to last days, lingering in the back of your mind like a leech.

You were frozen in your spot. Knees up to your chest and unable to tear your arms away from your body long enough to wipe away the salty tears. The warmth of his hand on your skin brought you out of your mind and back into the real world. You eyes snapped over to his, concern written within them.

"You wanna talk about it?" He asked, already knowing that the answer was going to be no. You shook your head, not wanting to tell him that it was him that you saw dying once more. "Do you want a drink?" Another no.

This wasn't the first time that he came barging into your room after hearing you scream. It happened at least once every month. Each time it was the same thing: he would come check on you, ask what you needed, sat on the edge of your bed until your shaking and crying was gone, then leave.

The habit was something that you always appreciated from him, but something that you never spoke directly about. Jason knew you didn't want to talk about your nightmares when the sun was bright in the sky, he never asked or expected you to. He did know, that no matter what he was always going to be there for you.

Jason realized his feelings for you a long time ago. He knew that he loved you and yet he forced himself not to say anything about it. Things were easier this way, he couldn't risk losing you as a friend because of his greed to make you a lover. So, he said nothing. He kept his feelings to himself and didn't let anyone know about them.

Just like you did.

"Jay," you spoke. You were so quiet that Jason thought that he was just imagining your voice. As he looked over to you, you were already glancing expectantly up at him. "Stay with me?"

"Of course," Jason assured. He wasn't sure why you were asking him this, he always stayed for you. Jason didn't care if he lost hours of sleep for you, he just wanted to make sure that you were okay. By the end of the day, knowing that you weren't causing your own self-destruction was what mattered most to him.

"No," you shook your head. Stiffly, you unpeeled your limbs from your chest and scooted over on your bed. The left side of your bed was open for him to join you. "Please... I just, I need to know you’re here if I have another nightmare. I need to know that I didn't lose you again."

"You're not going to lose me," Jason promised. He was surprised that you wished for him to stay with you. Never had you even gave him the assumption that you wanted him to stay in your bed. This, this wasn't part of the routine that you had together. It didn't make Jason feel any less giddy at your offer.

Jason rolled under your covers to join you in your bed. He felt unsure and weary as he laid beside you. The bare skin of your arms just barely brushed against his; even with the heat between your sheets it still sent a chill up his spine. For once when he was with you, he felt vulnerable.

The great Jason Todd felt as if he could melt to your touch in this moment. He felt as if he would do anything you asked of him, just to please you. Jason wanted to tell you that he loved you, and yet, he stayed quiet.

The silence in the room seemed to scream at you. You wanted to smack yourself for inviting him into your bed. This did nothing to help you hide your feelings for him, but you couldn't help it. The fear in your veins from your nightmare made you weak to him. The words you told him were true, you needed him there to keep you sane.

You stared up at the ceiling. The racing of your heart kept you from falling asleep again. Whether it was residual fear from the nightmare or the idea that the love of your life was sleeping next to you for the first time. Either way, darkness refused to take of your mind.

"(Y/N)," Jason spoke. You could hear the shuffle of his pillow as he turned to look at you. He seemed to hesitate with his next words, unable to find what he truly wanted to say. Instead, he settled on, "You know that I'm always going to be there to help you, right? Even if you're to scared to ask."

"I know, Jay."

Ever since the night that Jason stayed over, it seemed impossible to keep your feelings at bay.

As you woke up the next morning, you found yourself cuddled into his bare chest with his arm around you. The calming peace that you had in his arms was something you hadn't felt since you joined Batman and Co. You never wanted to let that feeling go, but you knew if you succumbed to that, you would have done the same with your love for him.

So, before he could wake, you sneaked out of your own room. The night was never spoken about again. You wanted to bring it up to him every time you saw him. If only he knew that he was the reason that you had the best sleep of your life. You wished he knew how safe you felt with him, and that your heart couldn't stop racing at his touch.

When Jason woke up to your empty bed, he felt nothing but disappointment. He was excited to wake up next to you, hopefully cuddled into your side with a loose smile on your face. He wanted to enjoy your beauty and kindness the second that he woke up. Jason wanted to wake up next to the person he loved.

But he didn't. Which meant that you didn't have the same feelings for him as he did for you. Jason stayed silent about his love for you. Not a soul could find out about it - he wasn't sure what would happen to your friendship if you knew he looked at you as more than just a friend.

As weeks passed, the two of you seemed to grow apart. You didn't seem him as much during the day, missions were never together, even going on patrol at night you both went you separate ways. You missed him, a lot. But, knowing that you were hurting now meant that you would have less heartbreak in the future - easier, less messy, and piratical.

With everyone else being busy that night, you and Jason decided to train together. It had been far too long since you had a good session and you had to admit that he was the only person that would push you to your limits. Jason knew your weaknesses and where you needed to work the most. He was the best person to train with, even if you didn't want to.

After strength training - which you fell far behind Jason in - you needed to spar. Usually, you would love to spar against anyone in the family. Now, having to go against Jason seemed like pulling teeth. It was the last thing you wanted to do. It wasn't the fact that you had to fight him, it was how close you got.

Sweat covered skin brushing against each other. Ragged, heavy breathing with groans of exertion. It was as if he was just teasing you with his sounds and movements. As if he knew how you felt and wanted to put you through pain.

You bounced around, light on your feet. Jason's fists were up, ready to strike just when the moment was right. Sweat glistened off his skin and the light shining off of him distracted you in more ways than one. You had just barely missed his punch with a duck, followed by taking advantage of your low height to take his ankles out.

Jason managed to catch himself before falling. He was quick to retaliate, throwing his fists nonstop towards you. He might have had the strength, but you had the speed. You dodged every punch he threw until he back you up into the wall. No place to go and stuck between him and the wall. Foolishly, you had let him trap you - maybe your subconscious wanted him to do it.

"Thought you knew better than that," Jason teased. He no longer had his hands in fists and they were relaxed at his side only for a second before planting themselves on the wall on either side of you. Bruce had taught you better than this - you knew not to get cornered - yet here you were.

"I do," your voice cracked. He was standing too close to you, arms on either side of your shoulders to keep you in. You felt as his mercy here, frozen to your spot wondering what he could do to you - and not in the bad way.

Jason only raised an eyebrow at you. You jammed your elbow into the inner crook of his. His arm crumpled just enough for you to get out of his hold. Without giving him a chance to realize what happened, your kicked your foot right into his bare chest. He slammed against the wall that you were just trapped in with the wind knocked out of him.

"Thought Bruce taught you not to let your guard down," you mocked him. Jason rolled his eyes at you and went forth with his attack. Quick as lightning, Jason tackled you to the ground so your arms were pinned above your head and your legs between his thighs. You could feel his muscles tensing against yours.

"Turn of tables huh," Jason smirked. You were utterly defenseless against him. If it were any other person, your instinct of fear would have taken over, but this was Jason. The things he did to you without even being aware of it nearly drove you crazy. Right now, you didn't feel fear, you only felt lust.

He's gotta get off me, now.

Jason felt frozen in his spot. This power he had over you in that moment, he wanted to uphold it forever. He wanted you beneath him at all times. This crave of your attention was pushing him to places that he never thought he would be found in. Everything about you drove him to different limits.

He loved you, and he knew that he couldn't.

You felt his grip on your wrists tighten before loosening altogether. You wondered what the hell was going through his mind right now. His face was cold, just as it always was when he was trying to hide something from you. The second his grip loosened you were flipping him over and taking his position.

His hands were locked to the ground level to his head and you sat right at the base of his stomach. Jason was by far strong enough to get out of your grip but it didn't seem like he wanted to. He remained still, watching your every move like his life depended on it.

Jason's chest rose and fell, it seemed to get even more ragged since you had taken your position. You wanted nothing more than to lean down and press your lips against his. You wanted to take advantage of this moment and appreciate every inch of him. But you couldn't, you knew you couldn't.

"Wanna call it a tie?" You finally broke the deadly silence. If you didn't end your spar now, you weren't sure how you were going to end up. The ability to contain yourself was already diminishing.

He looked disappointed for a partial second, but covered it up just as fast. Jason didn't want this spar to end. He wanted the constant tango between the two of you - it seemed to be the only time that he ever got to be this close to you. The desire to have you in his arms was keeping him up at night.

Part of him prayed you'd have another nightmare just so he had an excuse to sleep next to you again. God did he want that - the simplest of touch from you drove him insane. He needed more, he needed you. And yet, he stayed silent, keeping you in the dark about how he truly felt.

"Sure."

"I can't do this anymore."

You had just gotten out of the shower after a long night of patrol. The towel was tightly wrapped around your body and the small patch of the mirror free of steam shone back at you. Hair was matted to your neck and you couldn't distinguish the tears from the water droplets anymore.

After all this time, you had finally broke. It was easier to keep your feelings hidden at first. No one got the chance to tease you, no one had the opportunity to turn the best friendship you ever had into a hatred. You got to be friends with Jason still and keep up the moments you wished you could have been together with.

It had taken you so long to realize that being with him, without being with him, was tearing you down more than it was keeping you going. Being so close to Jason and not getting to be with him, that was killing you more than being part of the batteam was. You couldn't take this pain any longer.

Frustration of all these years wasted with trying to hide your feelings from him washed over. All for what? To try and avoid a heartbreak that may or may not happen? A risk that you were never willing to take. No, hiding your love from him was something you could no longer do anymore.

All the nights you stayed up having to tell yourself that this was easier were pointless. Truth was, it wasn't easier. Keeping your love from him hidden was the hardest thing you had ever done. The only possible challenge that could be harder? Telling him the truth.

"Fuck!" you yelled. Rashly, your fist jammed into the mirror that you were staring at. Broken shards fell into the sink along with droplets of blood. You didn't mean to act upon your frustration, but it has taken over your body. Your hand clenched into a fist, blood flowing out of the fresh cuts.

A knock at the door made you jump. "(Y/N)?" It was Jason waiting just outside your bathroom door. Of course it was him. He was always ready to jump to you whenever he heard the slightest of unsettling noises. That was just one of the hundreds of reasons that you loved him.

Reluctantly, you opened the door. You stood there with nothing but a towel and a bloody hand. Jason's eyes immediately darted to your wound, followed by the broken mirror.

"What'd you do?" Jason asked. He had already known what you did - what he wanted to know was why. You never lashed out like this before - and you seemed fine all day. You only shrugged in response - this wasn't the right time to tell him the truth. "Come on, let's get you wrapped up."

You sat down on the edge of your bed as Jason rifled through your bathroom to find some bandages. He worked silently, not speaking a word as he cleaned the blood away. Jason was gentle with you. He acted as if any rash movement would have caused you to run from him.

By the time that you had a bandage wrapped around your knuckles, your breathing seemed to be back to normal. However, Jason kept your hand rested in his, deep in thought. He wanted to know what overcame you to do this. He just wanted to know that you were going to be okay.

"You gonna tell me what's wrong? Or am I going to have to get Dick to get you to talk?" Jason partially joked.

You looked beautiful right out of the shower. Then again, he always thought you looked beautiful. He wanted nothing more than to pull your towel away - he wanted to see you. He wanted to admire every part of your body and kiss every inch of skin. He wanted to tell you just how perfect you are to him.

"I think it's time to get some sleep," you answered. It wasn't what he wanted to hear. Your responses were never what he wanted to hear. The three little words that he so desperately wanted you to say to him were never at the tip of your tongue - at least that was what he thought. Truth was, you were always so close to saying it.

"Guess I'll see you tomorrow then," Jason held back his disappointment. He released your hand from his hold and stood up. You watched as he paused above you. Jason leaned down to kiss the top of your head before going to your door. "It's not good to bottle things up - I would know."

"It's easier that way."

Jason rarely woke you up from nightmares. He was far better at containing his fear in the middle of the night than you were. It was always something you envied him for. He always seemed so much stronger than you, so much more capable of taking care of himself.

So, when you heard him scream in the late hours of the night, you knew that whatever dream he was trapped in must have been far worse than his usual nightmares. You rushed out of bed to go check on him. For once, you were thankful that your rooms were so close together.

Jason was sitting upright in his bed. Sweat dripped down his chest and his breathing was so ragged that his whole body shook. When light cracked into his room, he nearly jumped. However, when he met your eyes, it was was like you were his saving grace. Jason had never been so relieved to see you there.

Nightmares, of course, clouded him. This one had been particularly gruesome. Joker had kidnapped the both of you. He made Jason watch as he beat you to death with the same crowbar that had been used on him all those years ago.

Seeing you alive and in person was just what he needed to calm down.

"You okay, Jay?" You asked in a timid voice. He wasn't like this often, you didn't want to spook him more than he already was. Jason ran a hand through his sweaty hair and then nodded. Now that you were here, he felt better.

You sat down on the edge of the bed and placed your hand over top of his. He flinched at your sudden touch but relaxed as you dragged the pad of your thumb across his skin. Jason suddenly snatched your hand in his. He pulled you into his bed without even giving you time to process what he was doing.

You laid on your side with his arms wrapped tightly around you. His chest pressed into you back and your legs intertwined. By the way that he was gripping you, you knew that he never wanted to let you go, not after his nightmare. It didn't matter, you could lay in his arms forever.

Jason grabbed your hand that had been bandaged for most of the week. Your knuckles were still bruised but the cuts were scarring over. He surprised you by pulling your arm back and kissing the back of your hand. His lips on your skin sent a pleasurable chill up your body. You couldn't help but imagine what they would feel like elsewhere.

"Stay with me?" Jason asked. He sounded just as vulnerable as you had a few weeks ago. You wanted nothing more than to stay with him, to soak up his warmth throughout the night and wake up to him in the morning. But you also knew, if you stayed with him once more, you weren't sure if you were ever going to be able to leave again.

He seemed to notice you hesitance. Instead of backing down, Jason had called his cowardice enough. You were both grown adults, there was no reason to hide from feelings that were obviously there. He couldn't hold back any longer, he couldn't live with himself without knowing your feelings for him.

"Stay with me every night?" Jason changed his question. He felt you freeze up in his arms. Your arms were tense and the small shapes you were drawing on his arm stopped. You flipped over to face him. His eyes locked with yours and he never wanted to look away. "Sleep here with me."

"Jay..." you trailed off. "What are you saying?"

"I'm saying I'm tired of this," Jason sighed. He searched your eyes for any split second of hesitation. He didn't want to stop this, he needed to tell you the truth. "I'm tired of not acting on my feelings. I'm tired of going day in, day out as if I don't love you. I'm tired of having to pretend that you're just a friend, because fuck, I need you as more than that."

You had no idea that he had felt this way about you. The yearning that you had for him was just as bad as he had for you. Jason needed you just as much as you needed him. There was no point in hiding it any more. You couldn't hide it any more. No matter how many times you told yourself it was easier to keep quiet, you knew that it no longer was.

"Fuck, Jason," your voice cracked. "I love you, I love you so fucking much."

Jason's hand gently gripped the side of your face. He pulled your in to his chest, firmly pressing his lips against yours. This kiss meant everything to you. All the stress that you had with him, all the longing, the nights of self-destruction because you never believed that love would ever find you, it all washed away.

The way that Jason kissed you was as if it was the only thing keeping him alive right now. The oxygen that depleted in his longs meant nothing to him, he just needed to keep this kiss going. He couldn't part ways with you, not even for a second.

Jason slid his hands down to your hips and pulled you onto his lap without breaking the kiss. He needed your body as close as he could get. Your touch felt as if it was burning him alive but he just wanted more of the flame. He needed this warmth to encase his whole body, he needed you with him forever.

"Never leave me," Jason whispered, finally pulling away. You needed the air, but you needed him even more. Your one hand rested on his chest and the other against his face.

"You've got me, forever."

#jason todd #jason todd imagine #jason todd oneshot #jason todd x reader #dc imagine #dc one shot #dc #batfam #batfam imagine #fluff #angst #red hood #red hood imagine #red hood oneshot #catxsnow

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emotionalcello-makefanfics · 4 years ago

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Chapters: 2/? Fandom: Red Hood and the Outlaws (Comics), Red Robin (Comics), Batman - All Media Types Rating: Mature Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Relationships: Tim Drake/Jason Todd Characters: Tim Drake, Jason Todd, Tamara Fox, Some OC for cuteness Additional Tags: Angst, Fluff and Angst, Sickfic, Tim Drake is Not Robin, Tim Drake is Not Red Robin, Jason Todd is Red Hood, Tim Drake Needs a Hug, Jason Todd Needs A Hug, Crying, so much crying, Love Confessions, Cheesy, God it's so cheesy, Cringe, So sweet so cheesy so angsty that you'll cringe, Tim Drake-centric, some Jason POV tho, A wild X-men appereance, I know they're not the same universe but I'm running out of character and running out of creativity, So yeah X-men characters and vaugly their mansion/orphanage too, Bruce Wayne Bashing, Some things that I don't put down bcs it'll be a spoiler, Smoking, Implied/Referenced Sex, POV from a cat????, The Clichést Cliché that ever Cliché, Cliche Summary:

They meet again on a rooftop after ten years. They're different now, and things are not the same. It's all too late. Chapter 1 sneakpeek

“Don’t jump.”

Sighing exasperatedly, Tim puts down his cigarette-clutching fingers and drags his eyes to the source of the voice. His gelled-back hair loses its hold and a strand of ear-length bangs falls to his vision.

Sadly, without seeing him and just from the voice, Tim knows exactly who this person is. One of the Bat franchise, and it just had to be the Red Hood variation, fucking great. Out of all time, it has to be tonight. The world is playing a joke on him.

Tim is sitting hunched on the rooftop’s edge, wishing he’d have some peace and quiet for once, and of course one of these pestering bats just has to bug him at the worst time. Yet, it’s actually pretty rare for Red Hood to patrol Gotham lately, and Tim curses up a storm in his mind. Out of all the days, it just has to be fucking tonight.

No, Tim is not having it.

“This man has too much to do tomorrow to jump.” Tim looks away, getting a light from his suit.

One hand lighting another one of his death stick, and the other unbuttoning his suit and loosens his tie. After a puff and two, Tim drags in and keeps the smoke in, letting his nerves uncoil. Seems like it doesn’t work that well when the big bad shadow of a vigilante doesn’t move from the corner of his eyes.

“I’m not jumping, go away, I can’t deal with you tonight,” Tim says as he sighs the smoke away to the red polluted sky, thinking the man must be deaf or just not convinced. Maybe the latter, the bats are famous for their tact after all. People say they’re purely human. Seeing Red hood’s physique, maybe this one becomes meta-human at some point.

Tim looks the other way so the vigilante is completely out of his vision, to make a point that he’s not having this conversation. He looks to the city, engulfed by the red sky. It’s bright since this building is at the heart of the city, where the higher caste of Gothamites live and prosper. You can see the border around the bright side of the city where the lights stop dead and darkness begins. The poor side of the city. The gap is ghastly, it’s what makes Gotham what it is.

Tim is not surprised but highly disappointed when he hears shuffling instead, and when he looks at where the tall brick wall of a man, he already sits down next to him. Red Hood keeps a respectable distance though, at least he has that much of a tact.

Red Hood hooks his fingers inside his helmet, does some finger shimmy, and the red shiny mask helmet is off. His face is still covered by a domino mask, his hair looks damp, and his gloved hands rake his jet black hair back. Curls bounce to his forehead, sighing a fog, the only indication that the weather is reaching the end of the year. In turn, Tim felt his cleanly shaved nape chilled.

From inside the leather jacket, the vigilante digs to look for something, and that’s when Tim realized he’s been looking at the cuts on Red Hood’s exposed forearms from the folded sleeves. Very thick and muscled forearms. This guy either lifts all day or a meta-human, not that Tim cares anymore.

“Got a light?” Red says, plush lips smirking.

Tim sighs, guess he has company today. He digs into his suit and throws him his lighter. The masked man inspects it and Tim rolls his eyes. The lighter is a metal one that you flip, and on it engraved ‘From my heart with love, that this one lasts longer, Tam.’

“A sweetheart of yours?” Says the man, the second sentence he speaks, and Tim doesn’t recognize the voice. Deep, gravely, the typical voice of someone that smokes.

Red Hood extends his hand to give back the lighter to Tim instead of throwing it, must’ve thought it’s special.

“Kind of,” Tim says, receiving the lighter.

Red Hood drags in, keeps the smoke in, “Why kind of?” and sighs.

“Never established the relationship.”

“Commitment issues?”

Tim quirks an eyebrow at the man, sitting just as hunched as him. There’s a pillar beside Tim, and he lays his back there, thinking whether or not he should engage in this conversation. Eh, why not right? It’s not like it’s confidential information, and Tim is just so tired of caring about social politics.

“I was too late,” Tim says. It’s not as painful to say now, but lately, Tim has been numb. He’s been numb for years. Tim’s gay, or so he thought. When he began to really love her, she’s gone from him.

“Girl got another guy?” Red Hood teases.

“Girl got dead,” Tim deadpans. The smile dropped from the vigilante’s mouth, and if only he can see his eyes, panic would look funny on the all-powerful Bat. But, no, Tim can see his tell by the tapping hands.

“Ah fuck, sorry.”

Tim chuckles at the spectacle of an awkward vigilante. Maybe this night won’t be so bad after all.

“Relax, I’m not too sad about it now, it was years ago.”

It’s hard to predict Red’s expression with that domino mask that takes his cheekbones and half his forehead, but Tim’s pretty sure the twist on that mouth means his opinion of Tim isn’t good. Well, not that Tim cares.

“How did she die?”

“Wrong place, wrong time,” Tim put the filter on his lips and drags in as deep as he can. Too deep, and Tim coughs hard, once and twice that his vision blurs. Her face comes to vision, the morbidity of her expression tips Tim’s nerves off balance. Tim quickly takes another deep drag, “She was in the Joker’s way.”

At the name, Red Hood snaps his face at Tim. Slowly, languidly, Tim looks back. The vigilante clenched jaw and balled fists look like he’s about to kill somebody. Tim knows that a few years ago Red Hood kidnapped Joker, didn’t kill him, and just vanished before popping up again to have a vendetta against Batman. What a load of drama those bunch.

This also means that Tim knows exactly who this person is. Suddenly the voice registers, the familiar jaw, the soft fucking tone.

He blames it on the nicotine that his heart is calmer than he’d like, his mind still not on overdrive, still plagued with Tam’s face as she died in front of him. He’d breathe smoke instead of oxygen if he could. God he wished he’d breathe smoke from now on. Why does it have to be today? One grace from the universe is that Tim -for some reason- feels amused instead of dread.

“You look like you’re about to kill somebody, Red,” Tim says, can’t help the ease and sass in his voice. Tim lays back hunched, crosses his legs. “I thought you let go of your vendetta against the Joker.”

“Where do you hear that bullshit?” Redhood snaps and Tim can’t help but let go another chuckle.

“People talk, words get around,” Tim says.

“Then they’re far off the truth,” Red hisses before dragging in his cig.

“Yet the Joker still roams.”

“Ain’t my call.”

“Is it the big bat daddy calls?”

Red Hood splutters at the name and Tim smirks evilly at the reaction. “Ew, don’t call him that!”

“I can call that higher-than-thou furry hero wannabe anything I want,” Tim spits bitterly, looking out to the city. Sometimes when he’s really lucky, he’ll catch one of the bats twirling in the sky, and now one of ‘em is sitting beside him, but sadly it’s not the most shocking knowledge he has today. “One of these days it’s going to be my turn.”

“What?”

“Dying in the collision of mad men’s evil master plan you refuse to get rid of.”

“Ck, I don’t like what you’re insinuating.”

“Sorry then, I don’t mean to insinuate anything. This is me telling you loud and clear that you’re all cowards for not killing these maniacs that kill us like ants when you have the power to stop them.” Tim’s voice is even and chill, it did not raise a tone, but it reduces the bulk of a man beside him to still. “Some of us rooted for you when you caught the Joker, and your reputation gives us high hopes that it’ll be the last of him. Then he showed up again.” Tim feels the lighter in his pocket burn, “Then Tam died.”

Tim pumps his lung full of smokes, keeping it in there so that the clawing gloom will die before it takes roots.

“I almost did kill him, Batman stopped me,” the gravel voice says lowly.

Tim feels himself stiffens, now that’s something he doesn’t know. His eyes scan the hunched vigilante, trying to find any sign of a lie, there’s none.

“Shit,” Tim curses, sighing up smoke and quickly takes a deep drag in. “Fuck Batman.”

For the first time, Tim hears Red chuckle, “Yeah, fuck him.”

“Still your family though, right?” Tim says, earning what he thinks is a glare, who would fucking know with that mask. “Why else would you stay in his line?”

Red Hood looks away, not answering.

“Guess I understand. Proving something to someone.”

Red scoffs, “Would you?”

“You know who I am.”

“Yeah, not your story.”

Tim scoffs at the obvious lie, “Look it up. I have better things to do than telling you my backstory that’s a google search away.”

Tim Drake. Son of the CEOs of Drake Industries. Running smoothly since ever he becomes the COO. Yada yada, young and successful, yada yada, has the reputation to chew out the reporters and a resting bitch face, all that shit. Tim doesn’t have the best bedside manners, but when it comes to business, Tim gets things done, and his business partners know to swallow their pride for a potential too stupid to missed just because Tim has fangs.

“I dunno, you’re pretty mysterious in the eye of the media,” Red says.

“Because they’re nosy pricks and not worth my time when they’re asking me about rumors of my flings.”

“They’re not true?”

“What the fuck are you? Does TMZ sent you?”

“Good point, never mind.”

They let the quiet settle in, and Tim isn’t too bothered by the company so much. The red amber eats to his filter. Tim puts out the light and puts the bud back inside the pack while he gets another one. He looks down at his light, which reminded him of Tam. Damn, she was such a good assistant, she’s also his best friend but a damn better assistant. Tim doesn’t let himself think about it.

He lights another, and puffs.

“Shouldn’t you be patroling?” Tim says before he can stop himself.

“Nah, not here to patrol, just some errands.”

“Don’t mind me. I’m not jumping.”

“No, I know that,” Red says, tone softer that Tim narrows his eyes at him.

“Lonely?” Tim teases, putting the filter in his lips while locking eyes to the pair of white lenses.

Red shrugs, “Just wanna kill time with someone that doesn’t wear one of these,” he says, tapping to his domino mask.

Tim hums imagining himself with his family, “Yeah, me too, I’d take a vigilante franchise over family dinner anytime.”

“Aww,” Red surprisingly coos, making Tim flustered.

“Don’t get it twisted, my family sets a pretty low bar for good company.”

“I can say the same, Timmy.”

Tim flinches, “I didn’t say you can call me Timmy.”

“What about friends then?” Red follows up, ignoring him.

“Joker killed my only best friend. Oh god, stop making that face, everyone I know got someone they know killed by the Joker, or Bane, or.... shit just those freaks.”

“Doesn’t make me feel better.”

“I don’t care what you feel.”

“I’m wounded,” Red says in that joking ‘boo-hoo’ voice but it was the last thing to snap Tim’s patience completely. He hates this casual conversation as if nothing happened.

“I’m not jumping, and I know you’re not here just to talk to some random civilian. You know who I am, so say what you wanna say and go,” Tim inhales deeply after the low-toned rant, only to be met with another silence.

They stay quiet for a few whiles again. Smoking the tension away. After Tim’s cig burns halfway, his nerves calmed down. Then he realizes that Red is looking at him. Staring.

“What?” Tim says, sighing smoke.

“Would you kill Joker if you could?”

“In a heartbeat.”

“Killing someone isn’t as easy as it sounds, especially if you did it before.”

“You underestimate my anger then.”

Red Hood goes still for what Tim is insinuating. His phone vibrates in his pocket. Tim gets it and his new assistant reminds him of a flight in an hour and he needs to be ready in half. Tim puts out his cig and pockets it.

As he stands up, he looks down at Red Hood, really looks at him. It reminded Tim of the time has passed. It’s been so long.

“Nothing to say?” Tim asks, he has an underlying tone of ‘last chance.’

“Thanks for the light.”

Tim clenches his jaw and breaths slowly. What did he expect? “You caught me at a bad time but it’s good to meet you again, Jason.”

When Tim walks away, his elbow is grabbed and he’s spun to face Jason in all his bulk. Looming over him with his height.

“You know who I am?” Red says with a threat in his voice that makes Tim wants to laugh.

“Are you really that surprised? Or did you forget me when you fucking died?” Tim smiles bitterly.

Moments passed, eyes on each other, chest to chest. The last time he sees Jason, Tim was staring at these white lenses too, and Jason was still as tall as him. At this close, Tim sees tiny tears that heal pale than the rest of his tan skin, bulked up body looming over him that used to be similar to his. For anyone, Tim had two best friends, Robin and Jason Wayne-Todd, he had known the two are the same. Seems like Jason doesn’t.

Doesn’t matter now. Everything said and done. Too late.

“Say your goodbyes now,” Tim says, because why else would his childhood friend pops back again after a decade of not saying anything after he returned to life. Tim doesn’t realize it’ll hurt this bad though. Missing Tam doesn’t hurt this bad.

Perhaps it was because the scar never healed right, but he still thinks of Jason like a big chunk of him that’s been torn away forcefully, even now.

“I’m sorry,” Jason finally says, low and guilty, as he should be, but it irks Tim to no end.

“I lost you, and when you’re back you didn’t tell me,” Tim says, his voice cracks and he curses it to hell. Red Hood’s been around for years, and Jason never came to Tim to say he’s alive. “If you have nothing else to say, let go of me.”

“I didn’t know that you knew.”

“What?”

“I didn’t know you know I was Robin... Did you know... everyone?”

Tim rolls his eyes, “Yes.” Gloved hands still on his elbow, and white lenses not letting him go. The non-challant face he wears slips off as if oil just slicked between the mask and his skin. His heart picks up a beat. There are layers between their skin, Jason’s thick gloves and Tim’s three-piece suit, but it feels warmer. Burning.

“Damn,” Jason curses under his breath.

It’s just a little thing, but Jason’s silence following that is a nother prick to Tim’s skin.

“Is that all?” Tim dismissed, pulling his arm away, but Jason only holds tighter.

“I didn’t know, okay?” Jason pushes, “And you’re a civilian, you’re not supposed to know Jason Todd is back to the land of the living.”

“A civilian,” Tim mutters under his breath. That’s all he is to Jason? All this time. His chest hurts, Tim knows this is because of Jason’s words instead of anything else. “Get away from me.”

“I’ll see you again,” Jason says before letting go.

Before Tim can say don’t bother, the man puts on his red helmet and grapples away. For a moment Tim can see the shadow of red yellow green flying away.

#jaytim #jaytim fanfic #jaytim fanfiction #tim drake fanfiction #jason todd fanfiction #Tim drake fanfic #Jason todd fanfic #Back on that dc angst train baby #emocel's

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dontbesoweirdkira · 5 years ago

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Dating Jason Todd would include

-YOU ARE LITTLE PRECIOUS BUNNY I SWEAR YOU BRING OUT THE SOFTEST PART OF THIS BROKEN MAN

-like this dude will literally let you get away with ANYTHING and no one better stop you

-“Hey Jay I just robbed a bank and took a lollipop from that kid next door.”

-“Aww you’re so cute, Doll. Let me put out this cigarette and I’ll help you count the money, okay?”

-“Jay, Dick said I can’t have anymore ice pops!!! I really want some, it’s not fair!!”

-“ He said what?! hOld On iM gEtTinG mY Gun nO OnE TelLs mY lItTle Babe sHe caNt haVe anY iCe popS.”

-wearing his thick leather jackets that smell like cigarettes and expensive scotch

-Stealing his 1/16263819827 Red hoods and waddling around the house while he’s out on patrol

-“Hey I’m RedHood and I have DaDdY IssUes, prepare to diEee!!! *pew pew*”

-“is that how I sound to you?! Because I don’t *pew pew* I *brrraaatratratatataaa* get it correct Y/N”

-Your tough edgy boyfriend

-If he has an off day, he’ll take you on a ride on his motorcycle to wherever you want to go. If it’d make you happy, he’d drive to Paris for you if he could.

-You guys usually end up drifting by the waterside, taking in the longing smell of the sea, feeling the subtle warmth of the setting sun and melting into the welcoming breeze

-There’s this really good Sandwich stand by the oceanfront and you guys always get a large one, and share it with a nice cold bottle of Coke. There’s also this really nice private beach that you two have no business being on, you guys would sometimes just sit on one of the lifeguards stands for a while and just enjoy each other

-“Hey Jay Jay?”

-“What’s up, Love bug?

-“Your eyes have a hint of Aqua Green in them. It’s the prettiest thing I’ve ever seen. I just wanted you to know that, that’s all.”

-IN HOME CONCERTS EVERY SATURDAY AND OR FRIDAY.

-every week you guys make a list of your favorite classics and you build a Spotify playlist and dance around the house screaming *cough* I-i mean singing on the top of yalls lungs.

-weird adventures around the city! Like you guys sometimes go to weird parts of the city to see some weird crap to laugh about later on.

-“Why is he wearing a tutu and dirty socks-“

-“keep walking baby girl don’t question it.”

-monthly movie nights where you guys watch a movie that has crappy 1 star reviews while eating a bunch of unhealthy garbage all night.

-“but why did he do that?”

-“according to ‘moviecridictbooiiii12’, he’s an uncultured swine who has no Character development, 1/10 trash person totally.”

-If you guys are just sitting in a comfortable silence, just cuddling, he might open up a bit about his childhood or maybe talk a bit about how he’s feeling. But that’s a rare rare occasion he doesn’t like talking much about it.

-This sometimes can cause a bit of a rift because it almost feels as if there’s a lack of trust but you understand he’s been through a whole lot and if it were you, you’d probably be the same way

-he does not like pills in the house but if you have health issues and have to take them, he won't crucify you because of it, but he will monitor you and make sure there is no drug abuse. He wants to make sure history doesn’t repeat itself. He doesn't wanna lose you that way.

-He’s a depressed crackhead

-“Hey Y/N, can you tell me what’s in the drawer in the kitchen. The one next to the sink”

-“Hmm? There’s nothing in here Jason.”

-“Nothing you say? Just like my relationship with Bruce haha.”

-“Are you okay?”

-“No I am not and neither is my sleep schedule.”

-Oh yeah this Poor boy barely sleeps. Mainly because he’s out on patrol all night and when he finally gets home, he’s being called back out. Or sometimes he’s just so restless thinking about everything he needs to do. Other times he’s just scared to sleep.

-Yeah he’s pretty reluctant to go to sleep. He’s scared to have a bad dream and wake up in a vulnerable state. Or to accidentally wake you up from tossing and turning and wails of agony.

-You lost a lot of hours of sleep already do to comforting him at night so as much as he can function without a nights rest, he’ll do it to spare you

-You hate when he does this because you actually don’t mind comforting him, it makes you feel like he trusts and can rely on you.

-nightmares about the joker or the pit. Cryinggg this boy is really traumatized

-“Shhh, Jason it’ll be alright. I’m right here love.”

-Even though he avoids sleep at all costs, this doesn’t stop him from napping on the recliner or at the kitchen table from time to time.

-He’s a bit self destructive with drinking, smoking, betting himself up, not sleeping or eating properly. You really have to help him and work with him. Be patient and kind pLz.

-He doesn’t like exposing you to the stuff he does, he doesn’t like you seeing all the gore or what not so he doesn’t try to come home bloody much actually. He might stop at dicks house or some other friend’s house to clean up a bit before coming to you

-Todd doesn’t like you to see and be around all that. He wants to keep that life very very separate, he even tries to keep the news off and away from you. Although you already know and if it bothers you it not, it’s not much you can do to stop him.

-The only time you might see him bloody or hurt is when he can’t make it to a friends house and he needs you to patch him up and put him to bed quickly.

-argurmentssss

-Yeah you guys do little annoying antics back and forth but it’s not something super crucial. The only time where it heats up is like if something he’s doing really really bothers you, like his killings or if he does something super reckless. The arguments usually end up with

- “I’m sorry Doll, I’ll do better for you.”

- “Sorry JayBird, I wasn’t being fair”

-The worst an argument had ever gotten was when he didn’t come home for weeks without telling you he was out on a mission and you were scared out of your mind and ended up cursing him out for scaring you.

-You didn’t talk to him for about a week and he was a wreck

-“JASON DONT YOU DARE TRY TO KISS ME OR HUG ME I THOUGHT YOU WERE F*CKING DEAD OR WORSE! YOU COULD'VE TOLD ME SOMETHING LIKE I LITERALLY HATE YOU RIGHT NOW I COULDN'T SLEEP FOR WEEEKS JASON I WAS WORRIED SICK-“

-“Hey, it’s okay Y/n- I’m here no-“

-“NO IT'S NOT LITERAL I DON'T WANT TO TALK TO YOU ANYMORE, GET AWAY FROM ME.”

-He cannot stand when he breaks your heart or makes you upset like he beats himself up a whole lot. He will apologize to you and do anything to make it up.

-“Stupid Todd? How can you upset the one person that seems to be so patient and loving to you? Ugh you idiot.”

-yeah he literally kissed up to you for months he felt so bad even after you apologized for overreacting and told him he didn’t need to do anything

-Yeah speaking of kissing up to you, he Buys you anything you want just ask. Looking at that super nice outfit in the mall? Check your room, it’s on your bed with a cute little note. Want an ice cream sundae? Yeah he got extra fudge/caramel for his princess.

-He just loves you like so so much he doesn’t care what you look like, how big or how skinny, how light or how dark you are. He literally adores you and wants to protect you with all his heart. He’d buy the whole world for you.

-“Jason, literal listen to me. 600 dollars for a charm bracelet I liked in the mall is too much, go return it”

-he’s a bit overprotective with you. Not in a “HEKDJEHEHEHINEEDTOKNOWWHEREYOUAREATALLTIMESSENPAI.” Kind of way but in a like “Check in every once in a while will ya babe? I wanna make sure you’re okay.”

-He doesn’t let you go outside after a certain time for ANYTHING unless it’s an emergency. It’s too dangerous in Gotham for you to be out scrolling going to a convenience store at 10pm at night. So if you need something from the store he’ll go get it for you or already have it in the house.

-Will 100 throw hands for you

-actually makes sure you can defend yourself and trains you a bit every month to make sure if trouble comes and he’s not there, you can protect yourself

-Intimacy

-Honhonhon. Although what many believe Jason has a high sex drive and wants it a lot or what not. I don’t think it’s 100% true

-I believe that like if his partner wasn’t the type of person who wanted it, or didn’t feel comfortable with it, he’d be okay with it. Like he doesn’t need it to survive although you look hecking good in that outfit today

-I feel like he’d be more kissy and rough touching than the full 100 yards with a more soft/standoffish sexually significant other.

-Yeah if he gets from a stressful mission or just needs to feel you, he’s gonna wanna kiss and touch on you but if you’re not into all that then like he’d back off because he respects you enough

-neck kisses and thigh kisses

-“jaybirdy I wanted to wear that new skirt I got yesterday, now I got your bites all over my legs.”

-he's a totally Dom and that’s on that period boo

-dAdDy KiNk I’m sorry

-His voice somehow becomes super raspy when he’s aroused?!?!

-He will tease you to a point you moan out his name and then turn around and act innocent

-“let’s watch Frozen! What’s with that face dear? You didn’t think I’d let you have it that easily now did you?”

-*wears anything short*

-”WOOOOO DAMMNNNN Y/NNNNNN LOOKING FOINE TODAY I SEE YOU! CAN I GET YOUR NUMBER?!?! YOU GOT A BOYFRIEND BECAUSE I KNOW HE'S DAMN LUCKYYY!”

-Highkey finds it so hot when you sit on his lap like damn it feels so nice to him like you know you’re his and that’s like arousing to him. Will play with the hem of your skirt if your wearing them and your thighs aren’t safe

(Anyways I ain’t trynna make this NSFW but I might do a little something for my 200 follower special)

-On a softer purer note, you guys are like the roasters of the fam, okay! Like no one is safe, especially Damian.

-“Tch- Todd and his little pet.”

-“Dami, didn’t know you’d be here, and apparently your hairline didn’t know either.”

-*Jason, Tim and Dick were dying*

-“Hey you little accident, why you standing like that, you look like you’re bout to enlist in the army.”

-“shut up Todd, at least I have good posture unlike you.”

-“Hey leave Damian alone, Jason. Dami just has a pole in his ass that makes him stand in first position all the time. It’s a serious condition, y’all need to stop laughing.”

-“Hey Selina! Your Sugar Daddy is in the kitchen, try not to steal anything though because he might cut down your weekly allowance.”

-“Haha Y/N and yours is in the living room getting drunk, careful he might end up with me tonight.”

-“Hmm, a gold digger and a cougar? Wow you got your careers set don’t ya! Ooops you should check in the mirror tho! I think your Botox is drooping.”

-yAlL CAnT sTop ROaStinG PeOpLe anD it’S wOrse When yaLls DruNk

-You’re actually pretty close to The BatFam and like Bruce Adores you he thinks you’re a wonderful influence on Jason like you changed him a lot. Dick sees you as a baby sister and like he literally baby’s you so much it’s sad. Tim and you like to joke around a bit and talk you guys get along decently. Although Damian would NEVER admit it, he actually is kinda fond of you even though you guys insult each other. He might stab someone for like hurting you or something. But watch your back because he might stab you as well.

-going to Bruce’s Galas and charity events like by force.

-“yYyyYYyyY/NnnNnNnNiEeeeEEee PLEaSE COmeEeeee sO iWOnT DrInk MySelF ouT oF tHeRe!!!”

-“Jason let go of my leg.”

-You don’t actually mind it too much, you’ve made some nice connections and plus it’s a little date night with Jason so Win Win!!

-He actually wears a nice Tux and styles his hair real nicely. Might even be wearing that nice watch Bruce gave him a long time ago on his birthday.

-*sniff sniff* is that Cologne? *sniiiiiiffffffff* *HIGHLY* Expensive cologne he’s wearing?! And *pat pat* HAIR GEL OH BOIIII

-He actually picks out a dress for you to wear. One he’s been dying to see you in. The super expensive one he found while shopping with Dick and Bruce one day.

-If some rich guy try’s flirting with you, it’s over for them. Jealous Todd Mode activated!

-“Doll Face, I found you. Love wandering off don’t you babe? When we get home, I’ll make sure you won’t want to wander off again,” He kisses into your ear hungrily “wHo’s tHiS, Y/N? Is he bothEriNg yOu?” He asks like he didn’t see him there

-“No but Jason you are.“

-“:o”

*later*

-“I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHAT I DID WRONG Y/N!! HE WAS FLIRTING WITH YOU AND I HAD TO INSERT MY DOMINANCE.”

-“JAY HE WAS A BUSINESSMAN LOOKING TO INDORSE ME AND MY WORK! YOU JUST EMBARRASSED ME AND MADE HIM FEEL UNCOMFORTABLE!! LITERALLY NOW HE THINKS I HAVE AN OVER POSSESSIVE BOYFRIEND.”

-“oh-“

“YEAH ‘oH’! serIouslY I CanT stAnd yoU.”

-Jason’s drinking and smoking. Let’s just say you’re not the biggest fan of it because of his health, you’re so worried about it. He’s already taking shots and stabs but like the drinking and smoking on top of that? You’re worried about him

-You always voice your concern and he’s never too phased and he’s always like

-“Don’t worry L/N, I’ll be okay. If this kills me, don’t let Dick take my meat stash in the freezer. Tell him I’m coming back to life in like 3 months give or take and I’ll be hungry for steak.”

-Actual best boyfriend! Like if you’re insecure about anything he’ll make you feel so much better, in every way possible. He makes it so know how much he loves you it’s so sweet and super cute like I’m crying.

-makes weird faces at you randomly and it somehow gets you to laugh?!?!

-cooks breakfast or dinner for you every once in a while but messes up a few times

-“sorry y/n I accidentally burnt the cookies I was trying to make for you. I-I can go run and ask Alfred to make some? I know how long you’ve been waiting to have some.”

- Did I mention he’s best boi? Like ugggghhhh he’s so blind to all that superficial mess people get caught up in. You talk down about yourself and he’ll like attack you in love I swear he will. He doesn’t like the self deprecation you do. He completely detests it.

-“Say you’re ugly one more time I’ll slap you with this heart of mine. Don’t make me do it Y/N. I’ll give you so much love, the only thing you’ll be able to say is “Omg I love myself so much like damn I’m so sexy and so fine and my personality? Perfect! thanks to my totally handsome boyfriend, I see myself so clearly now.”

-You guys Also like spend his birthday with just each other. But it’s really special to him and he always looks forward to the small marble cake you make, that has strawberries on top. He loves when you sit on his lap with your face in the crook of his neck, whispering into his skin ever so gently telling him to ‘make a wish old man’

-something about the birthdays you spend with him, brings him back to a happy place he once felt as a child. Or wanted to feel. He always wishing for the same thing…..to always see you happy

-“Jay I love you.”

-“I love you too Y/N. Remember that okay?”

(Request open)

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sparrowsabre7 · 4 years ago

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Ok this was in my drafts from ages ago and I forgot to post so it’s here now:

So with Arkham Knight completed I wanted to discuss the story and some of the things I liked about the plot.

For my money Arkham City is the most entertaining of the series plot-wise. It is wide in scope, incorporating a large group of Batman’s rogues, with a lead villain who has a commanding presence. It is the quintessential Batman plot, full of twists, focusing on his dynamic with the Joker and is a big ‘ol actionfest.

Arkham Knight’s plot on the other hand is quite pedestrian by comparison looking at the villain plot: Scarecrow wants to take down Batman and cause chaos in Gotham and a mysterious new villain appears to help. From this standpoint, Arkham Knight is nothing special. However, as a character study of Batman, it goes much deeper than any of the previous games, and deeper even than any of the films. Most of those dealt with “Why does Bruce Wayne become Batman?” whereas Knight asks the question “What does it mean to BE Batman?”

In this respect “Be the Batman” is more than just a marketing tagline. We really delve into what makes Batman and Bruce Wayne tick and their relationships with the world, their allies, and enemies.

We’re going to delve into big spoiler territory now so be ye warned.

Batman in this game is in an interesting place. Crime is supposedly lower than ever when Scarecrow’s plan starts falling into place, yet he’s hitting criminals harder than ever, working tirelessly in his war on crime. His modifications to the Batmobile make this immediately apparent, adding numerous heavy weapons and armour. One of the unlockable Arkham stories indicates that adding more weaponry has been something Batman has fought for years, according to Lucius, but he had a change of heart some point between City and Knight. We learn soon enough that Batman is on borrowed time. His blood is still infected with Joker’s own and is actually beginning to turn him. This is his last assault on crime, one final push if a cure cannot be found. As a result, he is pushing his allies further away than ever. This alienation was seen in a small way in the epilogue DLC “Harley Quinn’s Revenge”, keeping Robin at arm’s length and mostly avoiding contact with his allies entirely.

This is one of the key themes of the whole game and, personally, if I were to choose one word to sum up Arkham Knight it would be “family”. “Asylum”, “City”, and “Origins” were all solo efforts on Batman’s part, with some input in his ear from Oracle and Alfred, and a brief appearance by Robin. This is the first game to really have the Bat-family on board proper and this really informs a lot of the game and Batman’s motivations.

He pushes them away because he knows he’s dying. He pushes them away because he wants them to get used to the idea of him being gone. Most importantly, he pushes them away because he believes this will keep them safe. This is underlined when Scarecrow’s fear toxin kicks in. Thanks to the hallucinations provided by it, we are shown two of Batman’s greatest failures in his eyes, along with his raison d’etre: the crippling of Barbara Gordon, the torture and murder of Jason Todd, and the death of his parents. The former two are clearly never far from the dark knight’s thoughts and show why he genuinely does fear for his allies safety. This ends up, in the obvious ironic twist, putting them in greater danger. By keeping them at arm’s length and withholding his plans, the Batman is a less effective force. He doesn’t consider that they are safest together, working as a team. His allies come to his rescue a couple of times during the course of the game, Nightwing saving him from Penguin’s thugs, Catwoman saving him from an unwinnable fight against The Riddler, Oracle aiding him during the defence of the GCPD and Robin not saving him per se, but defusing some of the Johnny Charisma’s bombs while Batman is unable to move.

Another key subplot is Batman vs Joker. Even after his death, through his blood and the fear toxin, Joker is resurrected as a hallucination, a dark Jiminy Cricket pestering and needling the caped crusader at every turn. This is the ultimate Joker, no less potent for not being “real”. He represents everything Batman hates and fears, because he is not only The Joker, but the darkest parts of Batman’s mind, all the what ifs, the maybe should’ves, all of this tumbles out of Joker’s mouth, taunting the dark knight with his own insecurities. It shows Batman’s human side a lot more than any previous game, shows he can be afraid, he does have doubts, can fail, can falter. This is something which clearly plays across his mind throughout the game and leads him to the ultimate conclusion of the game which I will touch on in a bit.

The Joker has always been key to the Batman mythos. He was that in Batman #1 so nearly as long as the Batman has been in existence. Having him manifest as a facet of Batman’s subconscious is both a neat narrative trick (and way to skirt the “Joker is dead” thing without cheapening the end of “City”) and a useful dynamic in explaining who Batman is. Much of his existence has been spent battling The Joker and it’s clear that there is a side of Batman in “Knight” that almost misses him in a sense. His presence also plays up the yin-yang of their relationship and eventually culminates quite literally in a battle in Batman’s psyche.

Near the game’s ending Scarecrow unmasks Batman and injects him with a heavy dose of fear toxin. This causes Joker’s personality to be brought to the fore but at the same time empowers Batman’s own power of fear, showing the clown prince of crime his own greatest nightmare: being forgotten. This is ultimately delivered personally by Batman, bursting from the shadows of his own mind and subduing the Joker side, locking him away forever, enforcing this with the time tested phrase “I am vengeance, I am the night, I am Batman.” This is said, as another blogger pointed out, as much to himself as to The Joker. This is a declaration that he is Batman, he is no longer Bruce Wayne. To paraphrase “Batman Begins”, as Bruce Wayne he can fail, be killed, and simply die, which is when we come to the ending.

Upon the final villains being rounded up he initiates the Knightfall protocol and removes his mask. This is a clear symbolic gesture as he is leaving Batman behind on the rooftop with the Batsignal and reverting to Bruce Wayne. He flies back to Wayne Manor and it explodes, destroying the whole building. It’s not made explicit but it’s fairly evident that Bruce has faked his death, very publicly killing Bruce Wayne, now that he has been revealed as the alter ego of Batman. Gordon’s narration states that “this is how the Batman died” but it’s really how Bruce Wayne died.

The final scene shows Thomas, Martha and young Bruce Wayne stand-ins walking down an alley past a theatre, visually recreating Batman’s origin. There’s a gunman, there are broken pearls, this is the birth of Batman as we remember. This time however, Batman already exists. A shadow appears on the rooftop behind the criminals, towering high before spreading shadowy wings and fiery demon eyes alighting as it swoops towards them and cuts to black. It’s clear this is more than a symbolic statement as the criminals react to this “Knightmare” and are clearly terrified. Ultimately it’s up to interpretation, but I think, either it is The Batman in his purest form, shed of the Bruce Wayne identity, free to be more than human (with the use of Scarecrow’s fear toxin apparently), or it simply a psychological manifestation. After Scarecrow’s gas flooded Gotham’s streets, perhaps the residual effects left a lingering memory of Batman that was burned into their consciousness.

Either way it’s a true and final realisation of Bruce Wayne’s goal for the Batman. To become something eternal, supernatural even, that will watch over an protect

#batman #arkham knight #games #arkham trilogy

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gothamdad · 4 years ago

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THE DARK KNIGHT RETURNS PART ONE: CINEMATIC WRONGS AND ANALYSIS COMMENTARY

DO NOT REBLOG.

This is going to be a bullet point list of incidents that occur in the movie, and will either have my general commentary or an analysis of what makes the scene terrible (or in some rare cases, good). TRIGGERS FOR SUICIDE, MENTAL HEALTH, AND DYSMORPHIA

-bruce trying to kill himself in the beginning of the movie.

Hes reckless, and willing to risk his life, but not suicidal. But he just purposefully gets into a wreck at 2 minutes into the movie?? for no reason??? theres literally no reason for it other than it being angsty bc they COULDVE started the movie with the mutants doing crime, as the next scene cuts right into it and the following news reports

-"This reporter hopes that wherever he is, hes enjoying a toast with good friends" said when its the anniversary of batman’s disappearance

this is stupid I hate this movie. You're telling me Gotham forgives Batman for just disappearing on them? DID THAT NOT HAPPEN IN NML AND EVERYONE GOT PISSED??? Like everyone in this movie seems to have forgot he abandoned the city. Not to mention, and I'm gonna go off on a tangent here, bruce will be batman for as long as he lives. He calls himself batman in his mind even when hes retired. He believes that Bruce wayne is the mask. His whole identity is batman. Saying that hed quit because of jason is not only stupid because it implies Jason's death isnt just as important as his parents, but shows that any tragedy is enough to permanently knock him down. And as if the league, or the family, would have let him give up. Anyway the whole reason the retirement in batman beyond works is because it shows bruce was going to fight until he literally died on the spot, but instead he pointed a gun, didn't even use it, just pointed it, and he realized he wasnt fit to HONOR batman anymore. He broke the rule. And he doesnt deserve to wear the mantle. This is so good because 1) bruce still wants to be batman and 2) it doesnt imply that he gave up at all, and at this point with his decreasing wellness his family WOULD be telling him to stop

-Gordon toasts with Bruce on the anniversary

FBKSBSOANSISSB OH MY GOD IT JUST SHOWED HIM SHARING A TOAST WITH GORDON. this is the anniversary of the last time batman is sighted and gordon. JIM FUCKING GORDON. Is celebrating. When they were literally partners and hed shine the batsignal each night TELL ME WHERE THE LOGIC IS!!! I CANT FIND THE LOGIC!!!!! I'm literally 3 minutes into this movie..... and already this is how its going...

-Gordon and Bruce talk

"You're not worried about me, are you?" Asked when hes in clear danger of being attacked by mutants "noT MorE tHAn i aM tHe ReST oF tHis CItY" ah yes. I forgot that Bruce hated gotham and jim Gordon. My mistake. Common misconception.

-the mutants are introduced

Ugh and it's the worst kind of villains too, jim just described the mutants as "the worst kind of criminals. They are only after violence, with no humanity at all" GIVE! VILLAINS! REASONING! I hate these joker wannabes Joker was already enough we dont need a million more "lol I'm just evil deal with it" villains

"Talk to Dick lately?"asks Gordon "You know I havent" Bruce responds

THIS CONVERSATION IS GETTING W O R S E BC I KNOW HOW THIS MOVIE GOES AND HE JUST INSTANTLY HAS CARRIE BE THE NEW ROBIN- WHICH, IS N O T BRUCE'S TO GIVE. ITS ALWAYS BEEN DICK'S MANTLE TO PASS DOWN- WHEN HE HASNT BEEN SPEAKING TO DICK????

-tangent on how it’s overlooked that Dick Grayson was the one to make Robin, not Batman

This is a sin that not just the movie, but the batman franchise in general seems to always make. Robin was made as a tribute to the flying graysons, and is meant to be colorful and aerodynamic for acrobatic tricks. it should always be dick’s to pass down, or the next robin after.

-Bruce begins having trouble with holding back his urge to be Batman

His whole wanting to be batman again thing started because of a newspaper with a family's death and pearls being sold. On the same front cover. I'm. THATS WHEN HE REMEMBERS HIS PARENTS? NOT EVERY FUCKING TIME HE HEARS A GUNSHOT? OR CLOSES HIS EYES? OR SEES BLOOD? HE READS A NEWSPAPER THATS FLOATING IN THE WIND??????NOT EVERY TIME HE LOOKS AT JASONS COSTUME? OR THE OTHER CRIMES COMMITTED??????LOGIC!!!!!!!!!! I NEED !!!! TO KNOW!!!!! WHERE IT IS!!!!!!!! ARE U KIDDING ME NOW THE MARK OF ZORRO, WHICH IS WHO THE FUCK KNOWS HOW OLD NOW, IS ON TV??????????? AND HE JUST HAPPENS TO FLIP TO THE CHANNEL.. Batman telling bruce "you've tried to hold me back. But you're weak. Ypu know it in your soul. You're nothing but a hollow shell." Is so STUPID!! WHY HAS HE BEEN FIGHTING BEING BATMAN!!!!!!!!!! BRUCE SHOULD WANT TO BE BATMAN!!!! AND HATE HAVING TO NOT BE!!!! AND A BAT FLYING INTO HIS WINDOW AGAIN???? STOP THE FUCKING CLICHES IM SICK OF THIS . UR NOT BEING NEXT LEVEL, MOVIE. ITS JUST DUMB. ITS DUMB!!!

-Carrie Kelly

her first ??? Appearance??? Is her going into KNOWN MUTANT GANG TERRITORY instead of going through the rain. And scolding her friend for not having backbone WHEN THEY COULD LITERALLY DIE and saying, and I quote, "its better than out there." then when interviewed about the incident her friend says "It was a flying monster! With wings and fangs!" and she replies with "Reality check, Michelle, it was definitely a man, but he had to be like 12 feet tall" OH YEAH THATS VERY REALISTIC CARRIE. Shes an asshole to her friend and we're supposed to like her. Oh and Carrie's reason for wanting to be robin? She saw the bat signal while her parents were talking about public marches. That's it. That's her reason. Not because she was attacked by mutants and almost died.

-Giving the movie credit

Okay but if theres another thing I'll give credit for, and I'm sure its unintentional, is that Harvey is the first criminal he wants to take down. Because Harvey is always going to be Bruce's priority. He didnt go after the mutants, but Two-Face. And the way that confrontation goes when it’s revealed harvey thinks both sides of his face are scarred. the Arkham staff fixed his scars before he was ready for treatment, and his mental health wasn’t priority. he was going to have dysmorphia either way, but not treating mental illness worsened it. kinda? good writing? But I think it was unintentional to have the idea that Arkham didnt know what they were doing and the belief that scars are important before trauma, and how trauma has to be helped first. I dont believe for an instant that's what's meant.

-Carrie Kelly part two

She gets a Robin costume and goes out onto the roof and is like.... almost dies. THEN THE NEXT SCENE WE SEE HER SHES LIKE COMPLETELY ACROBATIC? WHY IS SHE SO ACROBATIC NOW!!! THIS TAKES PRACTICE!!!

-Batman confronting the man who supplied the mutant gang with guns

Oh, this scene...He hands a guy a gun, knowing full well that he was depressed because his wife was dying and he had to make more money to save her by supplying the mutants with weapons, and just walks away as he kills himself. (input from a friend which i like: think about everything bruce did to help mr freeze and his wife now think about this scene )

Batman vs Mutants

oh, and the "batmobile". Aka his tank. Rubber bullets. Ok fine, whatever, but RUNNING THEM OVER AND SHOOTING MISSCLES ISNT LETHAL? AND HOW IS CARRIE KELLY GOOD AT FIGHTING ALL OF THEM WHEN SHE COULDNT HANDLE HERSELF WITH ONE LIKE A WEEK AGO. hate that the mutant leader is just a ripoff of bane with long pointed nipples I hate this. I hate that batman cant take him down, but carrie kelly can. AND THE MUTANT LEADRER TOTALLY DIED WHEN BRUCE THREW ADHESIVE ON HIS FACE AND HE WAS SUFFOCATED BUT LATER ON IT SHOWS HE LIVES ??

Bruce talks to Carrie

"What is this thing?" -carrie "Dick called it the batmobile" -bruce "SIR!!" -alfred over the radio There are no words. Then she pops his arm into place and creates a makeshift cast And he says "where'd you learn to do that?” and because she’s a mary sue she says nothing, because miller doesnt know why she should, so he cuts to "what's your name?" and she says "Carrie. Carrie Kelly. robin" and HE FUCKING GOES "MINES BRUCE." and then immediately tells Alfred hes bringing "robin" to the cave. I hate it here I hate that he forgets what happened to Jason aFTER ITS HIS LITERAL REASON FOR QUITTING. WHAT IS THE POINT IF HE’S GOING TO ACCEPT THIS GIRL HE DOESNT EVEN KNOW AS ROBIN?

-Bruce talks about Jason

OH BRUCE'S FUCKING LINE. HIS LINE. IM FURIOUS Alfred asks "have you forgotten what happened to Jason?" And he says "I'll never forget. he was a good soldier. He honored me" I AM !!!! SHAKING!!!! WITH HOW MAD !!!! I AM!!! Bruce would NOT say that shit. Implying that jason wasnt his son, or that jason was only a casualty in a war, or that HE FUCKING HONORED HIM AND NOT THE CITY, OR THE TITLE OF ROBIN "He honored me" shut the fuck up I hate this and dont even get me started on the misconceptions of Robin in the first place. i dont want to go into the debate on whether or not they’re soldiers, which I personally don’t believe. but its just stupid because Jason considered being Robin the best thing that’s ever happened to him, and he was THE BEST. it wasnt his fault he was killed, either.

-The ending

So the mutant escapes his cell by going through a VENT. A . V E N T. AND ENDS UP IN THE SEWER. I hate that these mutants are just an army of evil people and have no motivation and the leader is just a brute I fucking hate Bruce calling him "son" And the mutants become the sons of batman who fight crime......??? because their leader is gone?? werent they supposed to be evil criminals with no humanity in them?

-Joker

Okay but Joker being absent the entire first part , only to show up in the end hearing news reports about batman, and then smiling as he stands up and just fucking creepily says "darling" holy shit that gave me goosebumps. another credit i have to give.

#long post /#theres still a part two but i am TIRED #i cannot today...... mayhaps if yall like this ill do the second part #ᴜɴᴍᴀsᴋᴇᴅ : OUT OF CHARACTER

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teentitanimals · 5 years ago

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Helena Kyle-Wayne History

The history of Helena Kyle-Wayne based on how I see her! Ties into this Events Timeline :) I might call this Batfam au Earth Never? Maybe? I’m kinda already attached to the name lol

Helena Martha Maria Wayne was born to Bruce Wayne, age 42, and Selina Kyle, age 45, on Earth Never-Two. Her grandfather Alfred Pennyworth was 67, her half-brother Damian Wayne was 13, her adopted brother Tim Drake was 21, her adopted brother and sister Jason Todd and Cassandra Cain were 24, and her adopted brother Dick Grayson was 29. Growing up she learned acrobatics from her eldest brother, how to hold a gun from Jason, how to be silent by her sister, hacking from Tim, animal taming and katana wielding from her favorite brother Damian, how to defend herself from her father, and how to be sneaky from her mother. Needless to say, from a young age, she was pretty skilled, and being raised in a house of detectives, them attempting to keep their secret lives as vigilantes from her didn’t work, as she knew about it from the age of 6 and onwards. By age 14, she became the new Robin under her father.

She was best friends with Kara Kent, aka Supergirl, who was a few years older than her, and Charles Bullock, aka Blackwing, who was also a few years older than her, and was an intern at the law firm created by her father, her eldest brother and a man named Arthur Cranston, aptly named the Cranston, Grayson and Wayne consumer research firm. The three made an excellent team, and were practically inseparable.

Aside from Kara and Charles, though, Helena greatly looked up to the woman who shared her name, Helena Bertinelli, aka the Huntress. This earned Helena the affectionate name of Little H, or Little Huntress, from Bertinelli and others. Helena as Robin often ended up shadowing Huntress more than Batman. She also got along really well with Charlotte “Charlie” Gage-Radcliffe, a young adult who was like a daughter to Bertinelli. It should be noted that the Birds of Prey never existed in this universe, and Barbara Gordon never became a superhero. In this universe, Charlie mimicked the identity of Huntress rather than Batgirl, before creating her own as Misfit. No Batgirls exist in this universe, but Stephanie Brown still became Spoiler- never Robin, Cassandra Cain simply became Black Bat and then Orphan, and Bette Kane never became a superhero, nor did Carrie Kelley, Tiffany Fox or Nell Little.

At one point, a man named Silky Cernak tried to blackmail and frame her mother for killing a cop as Catwoman, but with her and her family’s help, they cleared her name and revealed the truth, arresting Silky.

Eventually, when Helena was 16, a war against Apokoliptians, lead by Darkseid, started, which resulted in a war torn world. Batman, Wonder Woman, and Superman were all killed during the war, as well as Tim Drake and Helena Bertinelli. Her family grieves them, and Dick takes up the mantle of Batman, and Damian makes his new superhero alias Redwing, a combination of Red Robin and Nightwing in honor of his brothers. Charlie became the new Huntress. By age 18, everything had way gotten worse, and Charlie was killed, and Selina soon followed. Helena then became Huntress, while Kara became Power Girl.

At age 20, she, Kara and Charles chased after someone who they assumed was Darkseid, but they would later find out was DeSaad. The trio attacked DeSaad, but in the process Helena entered a Boom Tube while Power Girl and Blackwing fought DeSaad. Helena would never know how the battle ended, though, as the Boom Tube sent her to Earth Never-Prime. She was stranded, and alone, in a world so similar to her own, but not war torn, and just slightly off. She was a Bat though, and she was well-trained. She laid low and studied the world, learning that Batman was still Bruce Wayne here- and that Bruce Wayne was still 42. And that she had never been (or simply yet to be) born, as Bruce and Selina were not even married like they were in her world, with Selina still acting as the criminal Catwoman. In this world, Darkseid had been defeated already.

She stole money from Wayne Enterprises to get by, just for meals, hotels, clean clothes, etc. Scrounging through Wikipedias can only get you so far, so she took to spying on her family and friends and other superheroes and... finds that she can’t handle it. For the most part, they look so happy. Yeah, Jason’s an asshole, and Damian’s so young and angst-y, but... They’re a family, not split by death and war. Every night, she seems to end up in tears, jealous of this world and wanting her world back- no, her family.

Her secrecy does not last long, as she can’t stop herself from jumping in to help her family (Batman, Robin, Nightwing) when they are attacked by the Joker. She attempts to run away after the battle, but her moves and tricks are the exact same as the Batfamily’s, so it ends up impossible for her to lose them. They interrogate her, and she ends up confessing she’s not from this universe. She tells them she’s a Huntress of another world, but not much else. They’re skeptical of her, seeing as the moves she used would indicate she was close enough to train under and with the Batfamily, so why would she be ‘a’ Huntress (of which they’ve only ever had one)? She asks if they could go to the Batcave or somewhere to talk, instead of staying out in the city. They agree, and ask her to lead them to the Batcave, which she does with ease.

There, she confesses more of her story, revealing she was the daughter of Selina and Bruce, and that Darkseid was currently waging war on her world- and winning. She allows them to run a DNA test on her, and the results match up. They believe her story. They offer to help her get back to her own world and also to house her while she’s here. She thanks them, and offers to help them patrol and protect Gotham in return.

Living in Wayne Manor was... weird, and more often than not she’d end up crashing at a hotel or something instead. Damian was 13, younger than her, and still very... well, Damian. And there was a kid that had never been apart of her family too, Duke Thomas, and also allies like Harper Row, Julia Pennyworth, Barbara Gordon, etc... And it was weird living among, to her, ghosts. Zombies. Dead people. She was afraid to get attached to any of them, because they weren’t hers, and she’d go back home, where some were dead or dying, and she’d mourn them all over again. Not to mention, Tim was now only 1 year older than her, Jason and Cass 4, and Dick just 9 instead of 29.... And Dick was even married to an alien princess named Koriand’r aka Starfire- where he was Barbara’s boyfriend in Helena’s world- and they had a daughter named Mar’i. And Jason had adopted a girl named Sasha, aka Scarlet. And, also, perhaps this stung most, that her best friend was no longer the same age as Helena. Which meant that even if Helena had been born in this world, she wouldn’t have been Kara’s friend. And similar with Charles, who was a simple citizen in this world.

While talking to this world’s version of her mother, Selina reveals to her that a Helena had been born in this world, but her father was Sam Bradley Jr. (deceased), and she was born nine-ten years ago. Her name was Helena Kyle, but since Selina was under the alias Irena Dubrovna at the time, her legal name was Helena Dubrovna. She had brown hair and green eyes rather than the black hair and blue eyes Helena Wayne had. Helena is surprised to know of this universe ‘her’, although really it’s her other universe half-sister. She wants to meet her, but Selina explains to her that after the villains Film Freak and Angle Man kidnapped and harmed Helena Kyle, she, Zatanna, and Bruce faked Helena’s death (and Irena Dubrovna’s) and put her up for adoption. To make sure no one could ever find Helena via Selina, Selina choose not to know who adopted her (if she officially got adopted at all and was not still in an orphanage). Helena Wayne accepts this and understands her reasoning. Even she had been kidnapped plenty of times back in her home world, Earth Never-Two.

It’s a year of living like this. She talks with the Selina Kyle of this world, with Helena Bertinelli, with Zatanna Zatara, with everybody. She still closes herself off though, calling Bruce “Uncle Bruce” to distance him and her father in her mind. By the end of the year, a part of her realizes she’s never going back... and another part wonders why she would even want to. She could have happiness here. But, at the same time, to give up her friendships with Power Girl and Blackwing? (And what if they were dead by now?) It’s difficult, but finally, with the advice from her other universe family, she decides she wants to try making a life here, just in case she really never can go back. Of course, Bruce offers to adopt her, but Helena can’t bring herself to fully accept this world’s Bruce as her dad yet, nor could she handle being official, legal siblings with her brothers and sister. She still hasn’t adjusted to them, how they are now, how young they all are, how younger Damian is. If anything, she’s most okay with Duke Thomas, someone she had never met in her universe.

To her surprise, as they contemplate making her a fake civilian identity, Selina offers to adopt Helena. Helena, after thinking it over, accepts. She would not have as much hounding from the press, from the media, from the public, as she would if she was adopted into the Waynes. She would not have to deal with the weirdness that was her alternate universe siblings as much, living with Selina. (Not that she needed to live with Selina, she was 21, after all, but Selina had told her that she was welcome to crash in her house anytime- an offer she often took up on when the Manor was stressing her out.) Selina was still a criminal in this universe, but she only robbed banks from time to time, really, nothing major, and she was slowly becoming more hero and ally than superthief by the time Helena had come to this world. Selina had been dead for only 2 years to Helena, while Bruce had been for 4 years, and had died when Helena was young and not used to death. Bruce’s death had a bigger impact on her (alongside Tim and Bertinelli’s), but with Selina, it was easy to imagine she had simply been gone for two years.

So, Helena became Helena Martha Maria Kyle, adopted daughter of Selina Kyle. She slowly built herself a civilian life, working for a law firm under Wayne Enterprises in honor of her friend Charles and his job. And a superhero life, too, as the Huntress. Of course, since Bertilleni was also known as the Huntress, Helena often went by Little Hunt. They called her Little H and Little Huntress at first, but it reminded her too much of her old world, that she requested they use Little Hunt instead. It was similar, of course, but just different enough. Just like this world was compared to hers.

She worked solo, with Catwoman, with the Batfamily, and with the Birds of Prey mostly. It was a challenge, she would say, to adapt back into the old rules of “No Killing”... It’s a dark secret of hers that she became more ruthless ever since the death of her father, blood soaking her hands. But she was almost relieved to be back to No Killing- as, to her, it meant no war. No death. No pain.

Catwoman seemed to reform completely right alongside her, and the day Bruce proposed to Selina, Helena couldn’t be more happier. She was finally ready to be officially apart of the Waynes again. Selina married Bruce, and Helena took on the Wayne name, becoming Helena Martha Maria Kyle-Wayne, loud and proud. It was weird, but somehow she got used to Damian being younger- and boy did she discover how fun it was to tease him. And alongside that, she got two new younger sisters too, in the form of Carrie Kelley and Alina Shelley-Wayne. Her family, she will say, was much, much more bigger than it had ever been in her own world.

Eventually, as years passed, she found herself more attached to this world than her war torn world. She often wonders, if given the chance, would she still choose to go back to her old world, her old family? It’s a question she can never answer. And one she might not have too, as the Kara of Earth Never-Two would eventually find a way onto Earth Never-One.

Name: Helena Martha Marie Kyle-Wayne

Gender: Female (She/her)

Parents: Bruce Wayne (Biological father; legal step-father), Selina Kyle (Biological mother; legal adopted mother)

Adoptive Step-Siblings: Dick Grayson, Jason Todd, Cassandra Cain, Tim Drake, Alina Wayne

Half-Siblings: Helena Kyle (Current name unknown), Damian Wayne

Adoptive Step-Nieces and Nephews: Sasha Todd, Mar’i Grayson, Jake Grayson, John Grayson II (on Earth Never-Two only)

Hair Color: Black

Hair Length: Long

Eye Color: Blue

Aliases: Robin, the Huntress

Nicknames: Helly, Hel, 'Lena, Hello Kitty, Little H, Little Huntress, Little Hunt

Robin Run: 4 years

Huntress Run: 4 years and ongoing

Reblogs appreciated <3

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abiik · 5 years ago

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@vhsgf replied to your post “this song made me realize i've never written about jason missing zoe”

heather this might be too forward and angsty of me to say (pls lmk if is) but now i am curious about zoe reacting to jason's death and then mirroring w jason coming back from the dead and then finding out his best friend is dead. like it sounds so PAINFUL but like. also i wanna know about it. heather what have you done i-

i had to put my hair up for this. im literally so emotional about this rn,,,like when am i not but STILL OKAY IT MAKES ME VERY [SCREECHES] (also a read more because this is fucking long im so sorry)

okay let’s start with zoe because jason’s death is a traumatic thing for her on like multiple points all relating back to when she was like elementary school aged (im pretty sure i have it where she’s like 8 ish when this happens). before jason and before going into the whole vigilante business – no matter what version of zoe you prefer – she loses her two younger brothers in a joker related accident. he kills them. and zoe… zoe is so,,, well she’s angry. because no one does anything. no one. not that fabled batman, not the police, not the fucking government – NOBODY. and she’s just supposed to keep living her life like everything is fucking fine because oh that’s just the way gotham is. and like why the fuck would she just keep living her life when her barely out of toddler aged little brothers are now dead?? why wouldn’t she want to do something about that?? why the fuck should she just let it roll off her back like no biggie?? (of course, this is a catalyst for her mother’s downward spiral and eventual disappearance, and then keme’s).

then of course, there’s zoe’s powers. at that age she didn’t really understand the extent of them, what she could do with them and all that, but as they develop and her own awareness of them develop, she is faced by like intense guilt and remorse. if only she’d been able to do something. if only she’d been there. if only she could’ve stopped the joker. if only, if only, if only. and like, realistically, there wasn’t much she could do. it wasn’t like she knew fully how strong she was; she’d barely gotten flying down at that point, but then she’s growing up and she realizes she never really had a limit. and she kind of has this complex, i’ve said it before but she really does try to bear the weight of the world on her shoulders, so everything that has happened to her up until this point after the twins die, it’s partly her fault; if only she could have been better, she could have saved them, she could have her mom, she could have keme – she could have her family back.

then, of course, there is in all of this her intense hatred of the joker. and by correlation to the whole fucking issue, gotham city and batman. (ive said that they kind of grow to like each other more, but when z and jay become friends and through their teen years until his death, it’s kind of like whenever youre gay and your bff is gay and you both kind of hate the other’s really fucked up parent who’s okay sometimes but isn’t all the time and you would totally like throw down with them if only there weren’t like,,,repercussions)

anyway, so when jason dies, it’s a big fucking deal. like he’d already been acting weird, bruce was worried about him, z was worried about him, and then he dies okay. and zoe… bruce doesn’t tell zoe right away. he doesn’t tell her and when zoe does find out, she. is. pissed. all of the shit with her baby brothers comes back. she wasn’t there. she wasn’t able to save him – because she sure as hell KNOWS that she could have at this point. and now he’s GONE. AND THIS ENTIRE TIME, SHE HAD NO FUCKING CLUE BECAUSE BRUCE DIDN’T TELL HER!!! she couldn’t even go to his funeral!!! and then, AND THEN, on fucking top of that – it was the joker who killed him. so jason’s death was like a fucking quadruple blow to her.

after finding out the details, zoe goes binary for the first time. and it’s… well it’s scary. it takes a whole lot of coaxing from old teammates and being physically restrained by diana (who lowkey is kinda like why?? are?? we?? stopping?? her?? from?? killing?? the?? joker??) and clark and donna, and they can’t even really knock her out because when she’s binary, there’s only really waiting out the duration of the high until she passes tf out from using too much energy. which she DOES and then after a good long talk with gran-gran, zoe’s going on a much needed retreat with diana to themyscira.

during that time, zoe’s super depressed. like reasonably, so. she’s so exhausted and she’s still angry but she’s also just like,,, so tired. she lost her best friend dude. like she loves jason so much, she loves him so much, and then he was just gone. poof! and at least, at least with atsa and ahiga, she got to like, be there for their send off. jason ends up being another hole in her life, like her dad and her mom and keme. he’s added to this list of people who all were just…g o n e. she didn’t get to mourn them. like obviously, she can, but every time she thinks about jason, she begins to spiral. (this is kind of when she starts drinking,,,, human alcohol can’t really touch her but she does therapeutically – which is!! not good!!) she also begins to distance herself – from jason’s titans (connor holds on with an iron grip and eddie still checks up on her, but rose was just as distraught and kyle is still kind of numb), from the original titans, from bruce and alfred, from diana, even from gran-gran and uncle bell. she fills the void with work as well as the alcohol that doesn’t really do anything to her except make her mouth taste gross and weird and she hates it but it’s become a habit. if she isn’t out doing some reckless thing while saving the world, then she’s at a bar or just sitting by the ocean.

she has bad dreams too, like horrible dreams. and like,,, they’re not necessarily horrific or anything,, she usually dreams about good times, memories with jason or with atsa and ahiga, sometimes some weird mixture of all three of them hanging out together and it’s the worst fucking thing because she wakes up and she wishes she was there too, that she could stay with them, because she misses them so much. she just wants her family back, she wants the family she had before jason and dick and alfred and the titans, but she also wants them too – she wants all of it.

and then it all comes to head with her dad’s sudden involvement with earth and shit. zoe sacrifices herself not only because she carries the fucking world on her shoulders and has a stupid martyr complex, but also because she thinks she’d be okay dying like this. she doesn’t. die that is. she doesn’t die but she also doesn’t come back.

jason’s revival story arc thing is all a bit murky for me bc I kind of like mix the whole waking up and clawing himself from his grave and also the under the red hood storyline (and like correct me if there is a version like that bc like,,, idk I can’t remember). anyway, so jason comes back, and like it’s kind of messy bc of timeline shit but he doesn’t really come back, come back, until z’s gone. like gone gone. like they held a funeral and everything for her. jason didn’t get to go and THAT is SHIT. like yeah, he wasn’t fucking alive, nobody fucking knows he’s alive anyway, but it still hurts.

and like,,, you know what else kind of hurts, is like he kind of thought that after he came back, if no one was on his side – if for some reason literally everyone was against him – he’d still have zoe. that’s the worst fucking part. he hears about what happened. he hears that she literally went ballistic. and like,, jason KNOWS that zoe would have his side, that zoe would be there for him, that even if she might not have agreed with some of the things he’s done, that she’d be right by his side, showing she cares. because like. like I know bruce is kind of stunted with emotional expression, but it’s really hard to feel like you’re appreciated when someone else’s love language is so fucking hard to translate, when you need constant validation, to be told you matter to be shown you matter to them and they can’t accommodate even a little bit, because of their pride or because they have to deem that you deserve it all of a sudden. and like I love bruce, but they way he treats his kids is shit. so yeah. jason feels hella alone when he comes back and his best friend, his rock, his ride or die (literally wfkejvnk) is fucking gone.

jason definitely has nightmares too. he doesn’t know how zoe died, like really know – no one does, because there hadn’t been a body. and jason’s mind can be a pretty dark place already, add on top of that the nightmares about his best friend dying the same way he did, or being like dick, who actually witnessed the explosion that ‘killed’ zoe. he can’t even fathom what zoe went through with his death, but eventually, as jason kind of comes back into the batfam and shit, he also kind of gets to be with the last of zoe’s family. gran-gran and uncle bell are much warmer than bruce wayne and that too big mansion and that cold fucking cave. jason goes to the ranch a lot, or finds himself at uncle bell’s antique shop whenever he needs a breather, to just be alone with something that close to zoe.

they literally both go through that period where they’re extremely reckless with mourning and regrets and fuck i never got to say this and fuck what could I have done differently, what could I have changed if I’d been there? but where jason is able to recover more effectively, zoe doesn’t do so well in space.

really, that song had triggered thoughts about jason going through her things, the things she left in his bedroom – that bruce refused to touch or move or anything – and just thinking back on their life together. it was definitely shorter than they expected and when jason thinks about it, it’s a whole bunch of salty anger and throat swelling sadness that has him kind of crippled. because like,,, he also knows how the twins died, he knows how it happened, not only did he have the firsthand accounts from those most effected, but also like, he read the reports. he KNOWS, and he feels kind of guilty, just a little bit, that what he did put her through a similar version to losing her baby brothers.

NREJKVNERLFEWLFJNEKR FUCK OKAY I THINK I NEED TO STOP LIKE THIS IS OBVIOUSLY JUST A BIG DUMB BUT BFJKERNFKJEN F U C K OKAY

#vhsgf #h replies.#look they make me fucking cry #their relationship hurts me so bad #and fuck whenever they MEET AGAIN!!!#LITERALLY SO FUCKING RECKLESS TTRYING TO KEEP THE OTHER FROM EVER LEAVING THEM AGAIN LIKE HAHA SIKE BITCH #I DIDN'T COME BACK FROM THE DEAD ONLY FOR NOTHIN #YOU'RE NEVER GETTIGN RID OF ME AND IM NEVER GETTING RID OF YOU #oc: zoe huang #this is also so fucking rambly i apologizeee #suicide /#depression /#death /#alcohol /#ask to tag

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redhoodieone · 6 years ago

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It’s Cold in Here Part 8

A/N: Heyyyy! Okay, so since I refuse to use the horrible homosexual offensive words, so I tried to use the less offensive ones, and I apologize firsthand if I offend anyone (I am not homophobic as I have a close gay cousin and a lesbian cousin as well) as it is not my intention to hurt, bully, or shame against anyone who is gay or bisexual because I adore and love everyone in the LGBTQ. And this part is the moment we’ve all been waiting for…the identity of our mysterious text messenger! The surprise evil villain might not surprise anyone, and I hope I didn’t disappoint anyone so if this part doesn’t get any positive notes, then I won’t continue this series. I mean, I tried my best with this, and the only way I’ll know if everyone wants to keep reading it is if they show me they’re interested in me to continue this series. So, the fate of this series is in your hands. Otherwise enjoy this part, and I apologize if I failed to impress you.

Warnings: Language and violence. Y/S/N = Your superhero name.

It’s not hard to lie. The only way to successfully lie is to believe it yourself. As expected, no one contacted me when the evening came. Dick had left after our strange cuddling-fest nap, and I still haven’t heard from Jason since last night, which is something I found myself appreciating more considering I wouldn’t even know what to say.

Because after everything that has happened in the past few days, I believe my mind is fractured from the constant thinking and obsessing.

As midnight approaches, I’m already dressed in my costume. The black fabric, leather, and armor pieces cover my entire body. A white bat is centered in my chest, and I put my two guns (with rubber bullets, of course since Bruce is anal about that) in my thigh holsters and strap a knife into my one of my boots. My bo staff is also secure on my back in an added part of my costume that Tim designed for me, after he trained me for several months and realized I had a special connection with it. I pull my hair back into a usual ponytail to keep my strands of hair from blocking my view. The last thing I need to do is slip on my domino mask, and I officially become y/s/n, and I’m on my way to Ace Chemicals.

Soaring through the skies and in the city becomes a quick blur to me, as I swing and jump with the help of my grapple gun. It’s almost twelve, and the only thing I can think about is who this person is.

Who the fuck are they?

What the fuck they want?

And what the fuck am I going to do afterwards?

My adrenaline is pumping through my veins, and I feel myself start to power up in a way I know my emotions will get the best of me. Bruce always taught us to keep our emotions in check during fights and missions, and with the way my mind is twisting and turning like wheels, I fear I’ll lose control.

I release my grapple hook and land flawlessly on the rooftop of Ace Chemicals. The air is filled with smoke from the factory, and I notice my surroundings are being compromised by the smoke, ocean fog, and darkness. I slowly walk around; with my hand constantly touching my thighs to easily grab my guns if I need them. It’s quiet; too quiet. I can only hear my heartbeat pounding hard and my uneasy breathing.

Someone landing behind me is what freezes my body.

“Hello Y/N.”

I whip around and aim my gun in front of me, after quickly pulling it out and switching the safety off.

They stand there as if I should have known all along, even though I didn’t even suspect someone like this.

Deathstroke.

His helmet frightens me with the way the copper side of his mask shines when a police blimp shines down on us; as the other side is dark, just like his soul. His costume is terrifying enough, as I can clearly see he has every weapon possible: guns, knives, and a sword?!

I’ve never fought Deathstroke before. I’ve only heard stories about him from the Batfamily, and the only vital information I have on him is he’s a serious asshole, who has tormented Dick a lot during his Teen Titans days.

“Speechless? I’m hurt,” Deathstroke finally speaks in the deepest voice I’ve never heard before. He chuckles at me and begins to circle me; as I follow his gaze every second. “You know, I expected better from you. You have two guns, and a stick. Did you think you were meeting the Riddler or something?”

I’m too shocked to speak. Deathstroke picks up on it and finally stops walking. I stop as well.

“You must know a little about me since I’m the big bad guy who has always tried to kill the first Robin. I have a reputation of trying to kill young kids, but you know what? I think I’m going to branch out because why only focus on kids when I can kill anyone and get away with it?” he remarks.

“Why are you doing this? Why are you so fucking obsessed with taking down Nightwing?” I snap, as my voice finally gains strength to speak. “What’s in it for you?”

“You have such a pretty voice for a pathetic little girl who insists she belongs to the Batfamily. Why? You’re asking me why I’m doing this and the only answer I can give you is: because I can and I will. You must be stupid to think that I don’t know anything about Dick Grayson. I know he was the first Robin, and I know he’s Nightwing; just like I know you’re Y/N Y/LN. I make it my mission to know everything about who I kill. But look at you Y/N! You’re trying very hard to be a big girl now! I’m actually surprised you came here all alone and with obviously no big plan to take me down. Do you understand that I can kill you within five seconds with just my two hands?”

I glare at him as my arms weaken from holding my gun up at him. “Why not just kill me then? Isn’t that what you plan on doing anyways? Don’t you want to kill me just to get to Dick?” I taunt him.

“Now why would I do that right now when I can just dangle your lifeless body in front of him and everyone else? That psychotic clown in Gotham actually has a decent point: why end you physically when I can end you mentally as well? Not only will it scar your family and friends, but it will scar Dick as well,” Deathstroke answers seriously. “It would be far better than just outing him as well.”

“But why are you so obsessed with his sexuality? Are you just a sick homophobic fuck or are you just doing this because you have no other options to bring him down?” I demand.

Deathstroke pulls a knife from his costume and walks over to me. He holds it tightly in his hand, as he looks down at me.

“You really didn’t pay any attention, did you? I fucking hate the Batfamily. Believe me, woman. I have tried countless times to kill the Batman. Nightwing, Red Hood, Red Robin, and that new little shithead are incapable of dying because of the Bat’s influence. But now that I know Nightwing has a deep, dark secret, why not kill him over it? And why not destroy him mentally as well? How do you destroy a man, Y/N? Do you just kill him and leave it at that? No. No, if you really want to make a man fall, you take everything away from him until he has nothing. Take away a man’s love, pride, and reputation and what does he have? Nothing, just himself. He only has himself to pity. But since you’re playing a big part in his life, you’re going to help me expose him,” Deathstroke threatens.

“And what if I say no?” I challenge. I hold up my gun again.

The knife is now up against my neck; with the tip drawing a little blood. My gun remains under his jaw. “Then I’ll just do it my way, and trust me sweetheart, you won’t like that very much,” Deathstroke vows.

Breathing hard in anger, I realize it’s fight time. I kick him in the chest with everything I have; making him stumble back. I run to a hidden brick wall, as I hear him shouting nearby.

“You honestly think you can fight me? That’s funny, because the last girl I fought barely had time to scream because I ripped out her throat. I can remember her insides bleeding all over my hands. It was a pretty sight. I bet your insides are pretty like your voice. But there’s only one way to find out, right?” Deathstroke shouts.

I jump out and began firing at him. Deathstroke dodges and ducks from every rubber bullet I shoot at him. And just when I think I can’t shoot anymore; he begins running at me. I quickly get my bo staff and get into position to fight. Deathstroke pulls his sword out to fight me.

“You’re hopeless. Why are you even fighting for him when he clearly doesn’t want you anymore? It’s all an act, Y/N. He’s trying so hard to be someone he’s not, and all because he wants daddy to keep loving him. The poor bastard’s real parents are dead, and all he has is Batman. So, I can actually imagine the fears Dick must have. Would anyone want a fruitcake, pansy-ass boy for a son?! I wouldn’t be surprised if Batman threw him out because after all those years of making Dick be exactly like him, it would be as if he failed him. And nobody wants a failed son, right?!” Deathstroke yells.

“Dick is not a failure! If anyone is, it’s you because you have yet to kill him!” I shout back. I use the end of the bo staff to hit his shoulder which makes him pause mid-fight, as I take the advantage to kick him in his stomach. “You’re weaker than him. You’re a coward. A real assassin would have gotten the job done on the first day. You’re a joke, Deathstroke. Bane broke the Bat’s back. The Joker got to torture and kill one Robin and paralyze Batgirl. Ra’s al Ghul raised and trained the little shithead to hunt and kill people. And what have you done? All you’ve done is stalk, attempt to torture and kill superhero teenagers. Not much of an accomplishment unless you consider yourself a fan of Jason Voorhees.”

I manage to dodge most of his hits with my bo staff; following every technique I was taught by Tim. Deathstroke doesn’t slow down, and after he tries to stab me or knock the bo staff from my hands, he succeeds in cutting through my bo staff. As the two pieces fall to the ground, I stumble backwards to get away from him. He puts the sword away and retrieves the knife he put away earlier. Deathstroke shoves me up against the brick wall, and the knife is against my throat once again.

“Now, are you ready to listen or do I need to show you how serious I am about this? You think you can protect him, Y/N, but you can’t protect him forever now that I’m around. And if I must, I’ll just kill you off first since I hate bitches who won’t cooperate. I can kill you right now and-”

A gunshot is heard, and it echoes all around use. A bullet grazes Deathstroke’s arm; nearly missing me. We both look up, and Red Hood jumps down nearby. He aims his gun at Deathstroke. “Let her go, Deathstroke or I’ll personally put a bullet between your eyes with a smile!” Red Hood promises loudly.

Deathstroke chuckles. He removes himself from me but looks back at me one more time. Red Hood moves to where I am, but it appears Deathstroke doesn’t want to fight, and holds up a smoke bomb as he reaches to the edge.

“When you want to take things more seriously Y/N, I’ll be in touch. Until then, text you later.”

And with that, Deathstroke vanished.

Red Hood turns around and looks down at me. “Deathstroke is your mysterious text messenger? Were you planning on tell me or the Batfamily at all?” he asks harshly.

“I was told not to tell anyone,” I say defensively. I walk to the edge and aim my grapple gun up, but Red Hood pulls my arm down.

“And since when do you listen to the bad guys, Y/N?!”

“Since I’ve been hanging around you, Jason!” I snap angrily. Pulling myself away, I close my eyes and try to calm down. Yelling isn’t helping, and I barely realize I have fucked up so much within an hour. “I don’t have time for your lectures, Jason. I have shit to do and I need to make things right before something bad happens.”

Red Hood breathes hard, which sounds a little strange coming from his helmet, but I can tell Jason regrets his outburst. “I’m sorry…for yelling at you. You were in a difficult position, and I’m just relieved you’re okay. Deathstroke is a fucking asshole, and he could have hurt you…or…” he trails off quietly.

“I know, but he obviously didn’t kill me because he needs me around,” I say.

“I could have lost you…if I were here, I wouldn’t have allowed all of this to happen,” Red Hood continues.

“Look, all I know is…I’m sorry for lying and keeping secrets but I need to go home now because I need to figure out what to do. I obviously can’t ask anyone else for help because it’ll only make things worse and Deathstroke will do something more evil than what he already has planned. I need to be prepared,” I say seriously.

“Then let’s go, because you’re not going to do this alone anymore. But we will stop him, and we’ll help Dick and figure something out. I promise.” Jason says, as he jumps off the building with me as we fly into the dark sky where we hope we can find a way to stop Deathstroke.

Once and for all.

The fate of the series is in your hands now. Otherwise, I hope I impressed you if not I’m sorry to disappoint. I always figured Deathstroke would be the one to torment and try to kill Dick Grayson anyways.

#dc comics #batfamily #batman #dick grayson #nightwing #red hood #jason todd #dick grayson x reader #dick grayson x y/n #jason todd x reader #jason todd x y/n

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jasontoddiefor · 6 years ago

Note

Can you make a headcanon of the reactions of the whole batfamily, towards a Bruce who arrives at the mansion with a shaved head and a large leafy beard, after being on a 3-month business trip Note: you can imagine a Jason dying of the laughter, Kate and Selina disconcerted, a Talia, Cass and Helena about to cry, a fainted tim and a alfred happy to find a bald lost brother.

OOooh thanks for the ask anon, that one was fun to do!!!! I appreciate any chance to ramble about my OT3. It got uuh a bit longer than expected so the rest is under the cut hahaha.

“Business trip” was going undercover in Europe for three weeks turned 3 months and Bruce is tired. He just wanted to go home bc he missed his family

He knows Gotham and them were safe because they’re strong and Gotham becomes safer everyday not just because of one man. Honestly, they can do without Batman for a while. Dick of course maybe visited Gotham a little more often than he would under normal circumstances, especially after Bruce took so much longer than predicted, but all in all the family is good.

So he lands at the airport, happy that he gets picked up by Kate

The moment he gets out of the plane, he’s doomed.

I like to HC that Kate is only slightly older than Dick so you’ve got let’s say twenty-five year old Kate, who has only recently started the vigilante gig and gotten closer to her cousin’s family again

And the moment she sees him, it is not relief that wins but humor.

“Cuz, what did you do to your hair? Oh gosh, is that why you asked me to pick you up? Is it? Do you need me to hide you for another”

“Kate, please can we just go home.”

Jason is worried/angry because just getting random text messages once in a while that are mostly just “Place/safety status” are not exactly the kind of communication that makes you feel safe.

They had a really bad run in with the Joker a 1 and half years ago and no matter what Jason says, he’s not exactly over it (even if the clown is dead now thanks to some really unnecessary dramatic plan created by Ra’s truly). Jason just sort of really needs to know the whole family is safe so he can calm down.

Bruce coming back looking terrible doesn’t make up for the worries but it’s a start. So just imagine him sitting on the steps leading up to the front door waiting for the car to arrive so he can give Bruce a piece of his mind and also score the first hug.

Tim has sort of been part of the family for a year now. Hasn’t even really been allowed out yet (only once or twice as Robin while Jason was injured) and isn’t sure why Cass decided to attach herself to him

(“Because you were calm,” she’ll say a few years later when nobody believes him that Bruce is still alive. “You didn’t know, didn’t realize how much could have gone wrong so you weren’t as tense as everybody else.”)

But right now Bruce steps through the door and Cass all but runs into him, accidentally knocking Tim over. He’s fairly sure he blacked out for a second when his head hit the railing. But everything turns out fine.

All the noise of course attracts the other members and Damian (7 years) and toddler 3 y/o Helena come running as fast as they can, dragging Dick with them. Helena cries as soon as she sees her Dad. She missed him!!! Even if he looks all weird and strange now which she totally says and she keeps touching his beard telling him that it needs to “go”.

Damian doesn’t cry. He’s seven already. He’s a big boy. (He manages to not cry right until the moment he’s alone with Bruce cleaning up after dinner. And Bruce has to promise to never ever disappear like that again – hahah. That totally works out – or Damian will glue him to the manor)

Alfred had to endure so many kids asking him about his hair and teasing him, he treats Bruce’s style (even though it doesn’t suit him whatsoever) as if it were the height of fashion. Bruce hates it. Still has to endure it a little longer until his hair regrows.

When Selina sees Bruce again she’s glad to see him come back home safe. She knows he’s said he’d always come, and so far it had always been true, but to actually see it is a different thing. Later, Selina will ask for the stories. The possible loose ends and sneak down to the cave again to do some research until she is sure that everything is alright. Right now though? The beard needs to go, immediately. She tries to think of a hundred different scenarios in which it would have been necessary to look like that, voices them too, but she can’t find a single one and he will shave as soon as possible.

I personally don’t really see Talia as someone who cries often, or would cry in this situation. I think she’d stay very tense though and serious. Obviously happy, but not calmed down until Selina says “alright, we’re good” and Talia knows about every bone that broke in the past three months. She expected three weeks to stay three weeks and next time they have a similar situation demanding that someone has to go, it’ll be her because Talia is terrible at staying somewhere and waiting.

#brutalina #dc #dc comics #batfam #bruce wayne #talia al ghul #selina kyle #ask #anon

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scorpionyx9621 · 4 years ago

Text

I Hope Hopeless Changes Over Time: A Red Hood and Batman Fic

*Source of the image I found off of Pintrest. I tried to find the original artist but the link on Pintrest led to a dead Tumblr account. If anyone wants to find/point out the account to me so I can give proper credit to the artist please please do.*

I wanted to make a fic based on an ask I did from the lovely @dilfbatman about Jason and Bruce. I hope people enjoy this mini-fic that I've expanded upon.

TW: Blood, Physical Assault, Suicide Ideation, Swearing. Bruce being a shitty father but trying. Jason having demons

3.75K words.

Bruce was uneasy about Jason staying over at the Wayne Mansion. Even with other members of the family around. Jason has done so much wrong and has hurt so many people. However, at the end of the day, Jason still is his son. So when he gets a call from Jason in a hushed voice asking Bruce to stay the night. He hesitated for a second, but acquiesced, Jason was nothing if not independent, so to be asking Bruce outright to stay at the Wayne Manor meant something was wrong.

"Master Jason wouldn't reach out to any of us unless something was gravely wrong, Master Wayne." Alfred had reassured Bruce, who was staring absentmindedly at the glass case which housed Jason's old Robin costume. The costume that Jason had died in. Bruce always tried to repress the memory of holding his son's cold, lifeless body. The pain he felt from losing his parents burned in his heart as an everlasting stab wound. But the pain from losing Jason, his son, it was too much to bare.

"I'd be welcoming to Master Jason, but keep your distance. Master Damian is spending the night at Jon Kent's house, Master Richard is in Blüdhaven, and Master Timothy is with the Teen Titans tonight. I'll rest assured Jason doesn't try anything to harm you. But don't try to encourage a confrontation." Alfred explained. He always seemed to understand Jason to a tee after he came back to life.

"I don't know how you do it Alfred, you can read the boy like a book." Bruce had retorted. Cocking a half-smile to the man who raised him since his parents died.

"Master Wayne, Master Jason wears his heart on his sleeve. He always has. And one of the reasons why you two fight constantly is because, for as terrific as a detective you are, you are horrifically inept in reading the emotions of your children." Alfred had stated, those words bit Bruce. He wasn't expecting such sharp words from Alfred. "We failed Master Jason. And he's hurt, he's been hurt for years because of it. However he keeps choosing to come back and try and trust again. We needn't come at him with accusations of ulterior motives, but we should be supportive." Alfred stated.

"But cognizant of what Jason is capable of." Bruce added back. Jason may need help, but he's still dangerous. He has tried to kill Bruce and the rest of the Robins multiple times. He wants to trust Jason and warm up to him again. But the man who wears the Red Hood and stalks the streets of Gotham killing those he deems criminals is not his son anymore.

Alfred and Bruce greeted Jason as he walked in the large double doors of the Wayne Manor. The first thing Bruce noticed was the dark circles under Jason's eyes. It seemed as if the man hadn't slept in days. Jason was wearing sweatpants and a fitted black wife beater, accentuating his muscles. Jason would have looked more intimidating had his body language not suggested he was as disheveled as he was, physically and mentally.

"Thanks Alfred." Jason had said meekly towards the butler. He took one step into the mansion and looked at Bruce. Bruce noticed as soon as Jason's eyes met his, his tired irises contorted into anger. His lips pursed downwards but Jason chose not to say anything. Instead just walking past Bruce pretending not to acknowledge him.

"Master Jason, you will be staying in the guest suite on the main floor. I've already prepped everything for your arrival. Please make yourself at home." Alfred had said. Jason just shook is head as he headed towards the hallway leading the guest suite. Bruce didn't notice it immediately but the stench Jason had emitted stung in the air. It smelled like stale liqour and body oder. It seems Jason hadn't bathed in days. Bruce had wanted to say something but chose not to.

The evening went by quietly enough. Jason had taken a shower and changed into another fitted wife beater but still sported a tired energy about him. Alfred had put together a beef pot roast for dinner with red potatoes, carrots, onions, and celery over garlic mashed potatoes. A favorite dish of Jason's. The three of them ate quietly as Bruce continued to size up his son. He was conflicted. At one point he saw the man who blew up the head of a Gotham security force member with a torture decide he had created. On the other hand, he saw the boy who would beg for Bruce to buy him more books after he finished the maximum amount a library card would allow for a week in the span of 3 days. The son who told him being Robin gave him magic.

The dinner ended as it began. With awkward silence and the father-son duo eyeing each other. One with cautious trepidation and the other with abject hate. Bruce had decided not to go on patrol tonight as he felt he needed to be at the manor should anything happen while Jason was here. An uneasy sense of dread built over Bruce as he had said good night to Jason as the two passed by each other in the halls. Jason simply spat 'Bitch' at Bruce and walked into the bedroom. Bruce had been bad with other people's emotions, but something didn't sit right with the way Jason was carrying himself. He had decided to stay up tonight regardless. A sense came over him after being sworn at by Jason. A sense he hadn't felt in a long time. He felt as though his son needed help.

————————————————————

"You're a monster"

"Jason is a murderer"

"Stay away from Jason, he'll kill you."

"No one wants you around, Todd"

"You're just a good guy trying to be bad"

"This is the kid you had to replace me with as Robin? Bruce he's pathetic."

"I can't believe my daughter wasted the Lazarus Pit on a miserable failure like you."

"Maybe I'd be better off dead"

Jason tossed and turned. It's been days. He couldn't get the voices out of his head. Those whispery, moany voices that taunted and tormented him. He knew it was a result of the Lazarus Pit. Ever since Roy died and everyone left him the voices started taunting him again. He tried everything he could to get the voices to stop. He drank, he read, he worked out, he did everything he could. The only way the voices became quiet were when he was beating the ever-loving shit out of some criminals. This was not the mindset Jason had wanted. He wanted to go back to being supported by Bruce, the man who betrayed him. He knew that Bruce was weak. He couldn’t kill the Joker because of his weakness.

Jason got up and walked over to the connecting bathroom to the suite that he was staying in. He went to the sink and splashed some cold water on his face. Against his better judgement, Jason looked up to the figure he saw in the mirror. He took note of his jawline, his face, his green eyes, his muscles.. but one thing that caught his eye was the fucking skunk streak of hair at the top of his head. The physical reminder of his dip in the Lazarus Pit. He had just re-dyed the spot not two days ago and it already came back. He did everything he could to try to hide the streak. It’s what he hated most about his new body. The pit wiped away all of the scars he had on his body. And any new fresh scar or wound would just fade in a matter of moments due to the effects of the pit. The only thing that ever stayed was that damned streak.

Jason had nothing but disgust and contempt for the man he saw in the mirror, which, ironically, was himself.

“You’re just using the sarcasm to hide your hatred.”

“It’s your fault that everyone hates you.”

“Killing the sick of the masses to save those who are weak is your calling”

“Those reptiles deserve to die”

“I don’t want to kill unless I don’t have to.. I don’t want people to hate me..” Jason tried reassuring himself. The voices in his head kept getting louder and louder. “I want Bruce and everyone to love me again....” He continued to try to re-assure himself. It was a false sense of hope as always. His mind soon wandered to a moment where he was on top of Dick in a fight. Confronting his older sibling and reciting a quote he had heard from a Japanese philosopher and optimist as he had the barrel of a gun placed against his older brother’s temple.

“Do you know what the most convenient phrase in the world is, Dickie? It’s ‘I’m sorry.’ Anyone who hears that is obligated to forgive, no matter how hurt or angry they might be... There's no more disgusting phrase in all the world. It's used to displace your suffering unto others so you can escape your sins... The moment you employ it, your suffering becomes the other person's. A thing can be unforgivable, but oh, if they apologize... I say there's no reason to accept that suffering. You don't have to forgive them. Cast aside the mask of your conscience.“

“Stop this. Please stop this.” Jason had begged aimlessly into the air. He didn’t want to live like this anymore. He didn’t want to live, period. He just wanted all of this to end. He had caused so much pain and so much suffering to the people of Gotham all so he could attempt to hurt Bruce. But those words kept repeating in his head. He knew he had to stop this. He needed help, he wanted to go to Bruce and explain what was going on but Bruce would just have him institutionalized. His murderer of a son starts hearing voices in his head? A one way ticket to a padded room.

Jason suddenly stared back into the mirror and saw something he detested. The green eyes that stared into his soul. The one he hated more than anything else. Was himself. This thing was staring him in the face mocking him, and he wanted it gone.

“Do it Jason.” the voice had beckoned from the mirror. “Kill them all. Slit Damian’s throat and watch the fucker bleed. Bash Tim’s stupid face into the concrete until there’s nothing but mush. Rip Dick limb from fucking limb. Watch Bruce as you choke the last bit of life from his eyes. I promise all the pain will go away once all of this is done.” the voice sounded almost sweet as it promised to do all of this. Jason just retched as he saw the green eyed monster promising poison to him. He felt his vision fade to black.

------------------------------------------------------------------

STOP IT. SHUT. UP.

*CRASH*

Bruce had jumped up from the chair he was sitting on in the library, the voice came from the suite that Jason was staying in. Bruce didn’t have time to think. He just ran towards the noise. He threw the door to the suite open and ran to the bathroom. There he saw Jason in front of a heavily cracked mirror. Jason was hyperventilating and he saw blood oozing from Jason’s fist which was pressed against the mirror. Bruce saw from the reflection that Jason had split open the left side of his lip seemingly from a shard of glass. It wasn’t long before Jason glanced up at the imposing shadow in the mirror and noticed Bruce’s presence.

“YOU STAY THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME BRUCE.” Jason had shouted at his reflection. Jason was shaking. Bruce had wanted to assess the injury that Jason gave himself. But he knew he was cornering a scared animal if he pressed any farther forward. Bruce stood their frozen. Pondering between trying to press forward upon a killer, or to check up on his son.

“Jason, I just...” Bruce was cut off by another scream as Jason turned around.

“IF YOU COME ANY CLOSER I SWEAR TO GOD I WILL KILL YOU WHERE YOU FUCKING STAND YOU PIECE OF SHIT.” Bruce finally got the cue. The hitch in Jason’s voice. This is the same hitch his voice made when he was a kid and was angry at Bruce. Alfred was right. This is his son. And right now Bruce needed not to be the Batman approaching the Red Hood. He needed to be Bruce, to help his son.

Bruce walked forward to Jason, still shaking as blood oozed from the gashes of glass on his fist. Bruce decided against everything in his gut telling him to stop this criminal. This monster who killed for sport and to prove a point. He needed to help Jason, his son.

Bruce was knocked back by a fist to his chest. Glass imbedded itself into Bruce as he felt the sting of their shards. Jason was right, he was going to hurt Bruce if he approached. Oracle was right, Jason had been abusing venom. The quick gain in muscle mass was proof enough but the stinging pain in Bruce’s chest also proved that hypothesis. Jason barred his teeth as his eyes displayed a seething hatred. Bruce would have been frightened on any other day. Today, Bruce felt a feeling he hadn’t felt in a long time. Bruce collected himself and got up to approach Jason again.

“I TOLD YOU I’M GOING TO KILL YOU BRUCE. I FUCKING HATE YOUR GUTS. I WANT YOU TO DIE. I WANT ALL OF US TO JUST FUCKING DIE.” Jason screamed even louder this time. A hot stream of tears worked their way down Jason’s cheeks. Bruce no longer saw a rage-induced monster but the boy who took a tire iron to his gut on the streets of Gotham. The boy who would was thrilled at every opportunity he got to show Bruce the A’s on every test he got in school. This was his baby boy who needed his help.

“Jason Peter Todd that’s enough.” Bruce said firmly, but not harshly. Jason stared directly into his eyes. “Jason. I want you to listen to me.”

“Go to hell you motherfucker.” those words which escaped Jason were laced with poison. Bruce didn’t waver.

“You can punch me as much as you want Jason and I’ll deserve all of it.” Bruce came closer to Jason. Jason proceeded to physically make himself smaller. Like a scared animal. Bruce remember what he did to Jason after he had seemingly killed The Penguin. How he beat Jason to within an inch of his life. His heart plummeted to his stomach as he saw Jason cower like a scared dog over his approach.

“What are you going to do Bruce, beat me to a fucking pulp again? You hate me more than you hate the fucking Joker, don’t you?” Jason asked. Bruce truly saw the fear in those green eyes. He had to take a moment and realized just what he was doing. He unclenched his jaw and relaxed his shoulders as he approached Jason. This time he was back within striking range of his son.

“Jason. I failed you. I have been failing you for the past 10 years since your death. I have failed this city and this family in providing the protection it needs. I couldn’t kill The Joker because I’m weak.” Bruce sucked at emotions and emoting. But Bruce hadn’t felt this shaky and wavering since the day he lost Jason. His son needed to know the truth. He deserved to know the truth. “Jason I never hated you. I hated the actions you have taken against the people of this city. But I’ve come to realize that the hatred and contempt I’ve held is because you do what I can’t do.”

“Oh so now you’re coming over to apologize? I don’t owe you shit after what you’ve done to me.” Jason had stated. He may have been acting like a pinned animal. But his mouth will never not cut like knives.

“Jason, when we had fought in the abandoned apartment. And you had the Joker with you. You had tried to shoot me after I had turned away from you.” Bruce said. Inching ever closer to Jason while trying not to be imposing. “In that moment, I threw the batarang because I knew you were going to retaliate against me. But I need you to know in that moment I turned away. I turned away because I decided I wasn’t to be the one to decide the Joker’s fate. He had taken your life and it wasn’t up to me to decide. I want nothing more than for the Joker to pay for the countless lives hes taken and ruined.” Bruce swallowed hard as he felt tears beginning to well in his eyes. “I failed you because I couldn’t kill the Joker. But in that moment, I wanted nothing more than to have my baby boy back. I wanted you back in my life. I still want you back in my life.”

“Bullshit. Fucking BULLSHIT.” Jason spat at Bruce. The emotions were flooding out of his face. Anger, hatred, fear, but most of all sadness. Jason’s voice began wavering as he began to cry. “If you loved me why in the fuck have you never realized I’ve been trying to help the people of Gotham. Instead every time I take matters into my own hands all I meet are your fucking fists. I hate your guts Bruce. We’d all just be better off fucking dead. It’s all Hopeless. I’m hopeless.”

Bruce took a deep breath. He tried to find his resolve. He wanted nothing more than to be able to reach out to his son again. “You’re absolutely right Jason. I’ll bet Gotham would be a whole lot better without me. Without the pain I have caused. And no amount of apologies will fix the pain that I have caused you. No words will ever take back the transgressions I have taken against you.” Bruce was crying this time. “But know this. You always have been my son. And I love you so much. The day I lost my parents was agony. The day I lost you, I felt like I had lost myself I felt I had died a bit inside.” Bruce choked out. “We both have done so much we regret. If I could take back all the times I hit you I would do it in a heartbeat. But no amount of sorry will take back that pain. I shouldn’t be in the position to be asking this. But I just want my son back.” Bruce swallowed. “You have every right to hate me, but I will never stop loving you. You aren’t hopeless and you never have been. You never have been a burden. You are valued by so many people. I. I love you my son. I love you Jason."

Jason’s face relaxed from a position of contempt and hatred and soon was overcome with years of pent up tears. Jason let out a hearty scream as he proceeded to weep and sob. As if a dam had broke and was threatening to engulf a town in an apocalypse. Bruce went against everything he had known and was screaming from the inside of his body and wrapped Jason in a hug. He was almost as large as Bruce himself and barely fit around his arms. But Bruce held his son and hugged him tight. Jason was crying uncontrollably.

“I’m hearing these voices. They’re telling me I’m a monster and a killer and that I should kill all of you.” Jason shouted between sobs. “But I don’t want to. I’m so afraid Bruce. I don’t want to hurt anyone unless I have to.”

“Just breath Jason. I’m here. I’m not going anywhere. Let it all out.” Bruce had solidified his resolve and worked on being there for Jason. He couldn’t run away this time. His son needed him more than ever. And Gotham be damned. He’s not making this mistake twice. He’s staying here. For Jason.

It felt like hours before Jason had run out of tears and sobs. Jason was fading and seemed like he was about to fall asleep. The shards of glass that were imbedded in his hand seemingly prevented Jason from bleeding out. Bruce had saw Jason’s eyes glaze over as his breathing calmed.

“Jason, I’m going to pick you up and take you to bed.” Bruce had said, asking for permission from his second son. Jason simply nodded as he starred off. He was numb now. The pain seemingly gone for the moment. Bruce lifted Jason up and was taken aback by just how heavy his son was. He truly was 225lbs just like his records showed. This wasn’t the son who hid under the cabinets when Bruce first brought Jason home. But Bruce still saw the boy as his son nonetheless. As Bruce laid Jason on the bed Alfred had approached with a first aid kit. Proceeding to begin to clean up Jason’s hand. Jason was so exhausted he barely felt any of the picking and pulling or the iodine going into his wounds. He kept his eyes fast forward on Bruce.

“Bruce. I. I’m sorry.” Jason had said meekly.

“Don’t apologize Jason.” Bruce had stated. He ran his hand through Jason’s hair, giving a soft massage to his scalp. “You get some sleep now. I don’t think you’ve rested in days.”

Bruce had remembered the time he had read Jason to sleep. This time he had thought back to a poem that struck him from his phone. It was from a famous lyricist and singer. As Bruce pulled up his phone he had found the poem and recited it as Jason fell asleep. Things are far from perfect or even better. But tomorrow was going to be the first day of the rest of his and Jason’s lives.

“They told me once, ‘there's a place where love conquers all’

A city with the streets full of milk and honey

I haven't found it yet, but I'm still searching

All I know is a hopeless place that flows with the blood of my kin

Perhaps hopeless isn't a place

Nothing but a state of mind”

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pHEW GOD THAT WAS LONG. I hope you all enjoyed the fic! This was my first published attempt at angst and whump and while I feel some parts are cringe. I am proud of what I made.

Big thanks again to @dilfbatman for inspiring this fic. The inspiration of the title is the song Hopeless: by Halsey. The quote about I’m Sorry is from the character Shadow Maya Amano from Persona 2: Innocent Sin. And the poem at the end is the first part of the lyrics to the song Good Mourning by Halsey.

#Jason Todd #Red Hood #Bruce Wayne #Batman #Whump #Angst #Hurt/comfort #Non-ship #Bruce being a good father #Jason trying his best #Jason getting the rest he deserves #The two have gone through so much but they can get help #TW Blood #TW Physical abuse #TW Swearing

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chac-ozai · 6 years ago

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Intent to Kill (Bruce Wayne x John Doe)

My first telltale batman ficlet! Vigilante Joker may be back behind Arkham’s bars, but the friendship he and Bruce cultivated could not be broken. Bruce comes to visit his best buddy in the asylum, but nothing could prepare him for what he finds. Tags: Angst, hurt/comfort, slow burn, drug use

They weren't expecting him at all. Not many would consider Arkham asylum one of the finer attractions outside of Gotham, and even less would consider it a place where Bruce Wayne would frequent nearly twice a week. Paparazzi had a way of sniffing out every little detail in Bruce's life no matter how well he kept himself out of the public eye; ever since the public fiasco he'd endured with Waller, Cobblepot.

These visits, they made him feel sane. Bruce thought it was funny somehow, that he'd be parking his cherry-red coupe at Arkam's gates, a stark contrast against the hallowness of it's faded masonry. Feeling sane, at an insane asylum. Bruce had to smile, he couldn't contain it, thinking of the absurdity of his life and where his comforts lie.

He knew exactly where his friend stayed, the sound of his footsteps greeted with the dull roar of groaning, screaming. The Male ward was particularly active today it sounds, he hoped John wasn't too annoyed by it. Bruce fiddled with the gift he'd brought in his breast pocket, tucked away safely along with a small packet of Skittles. Anything he could do to make his friend's day he'd do, Bruce thought.

“Mr. Wayne!OH, I, huh, uh-” Hall C6's orderly looked shocked to see the billionaire's intimidating form standing in the doorway- “Visiting hours are cut short today, unfortunately. There's been an incident we have half of our staff cleaning up.” He looked nervous, moreso than a standard Arkham orderly should look.

“Incident? I'd ask, but considering your confidentiality, but-” Bruce peeked over the man's shoulders and spied upon John's door, locked tight. “I'm sure you can find the time and place for me? If only just for a few minutes.” Bruce's winning smile somehow couldn't get through to him, and apparently neither did his cash once the first attempt had gone under.

“I'm sorry Mr. Wayne, I'm under strict orders from Doctor Erickson, I can't let you in.”

“Well you could at least tell me if John Doe's okay?” Bruce felt annoyed, something very easy for him to feel these days. Pressure was building up between his temples and not getting his way was something rare.

“You said it yourself, confidentiality.” The orderly began the process of slowly closing the door on Bruce, a massive hand reaching out and holding it open. Bruce could hear a particularly intense, one-sided argument coming from a patient's room nearby, a garbled wail punctuating the air.

“You're avoiding the question. What's your name? Can I get a name?” Mr. Wayne's voice dropped-

“Larry. Why?”

“Can I speak to Dr. Erickson, Larry? How much is it going to cost for just a chat?”

“...” Larry looked at Bruce thumbing through his wallet, his mind harkening to the recent tax hike he'd endured this week. “I'll bring her right over, if you just give me a moment.” Larry took the 3 fresh hundreds and pocketed them, his lumbering self disappearing down the hall. When Larry returned, the familiar face of Dr. Erickson put Bruce in an immediate sense of dread.

“I just want to talk to John. Please.” Bruce implored. When he got a no, that's when he'd had enough of the standoff- “You do understand the more you turn me away and avoid my questions, the more suspicious I'm becoming. If this visit is going to be a problem, I can always take a visit to Mayor Dunham and see about lightening my monthly donations.”

“Mr. Wayne, you do understand this is highly illegal, what you're asking. Mr. Doe can't take visitors right n-”

“And why not?”

“He's asleep.”

“Let me through.” Bruce demanded, something wasn't right- The workers had made no attempt to physically restrain Wayne as he strode past them, something of an exasperated sigh coming from the Doctor.

“John!” Bruce stood at his door, the little paper notetag with his name on it affixed into his eyes. “John, it's me, Bruce.”

No answer. Bruce rapped his bare knuckles on the slot of the door and Dr. Erickson began to sweat.

“You see, he's asleep. Why don't you just come back tomorrow?”

“Open the door.”

You just couldn't say no to a man like Bruce. Erickson was past the point of calling security, he only gave the solemn nod to the orderly to unlock the bolt of John's door. Bruce's steady heartbeat almost fell out of rhythm when the room inside was still lit, the walls barren and bleak.

“John.” Bruce inched his way inside, untrusting of his friend's state. John, while normally bouncing off the walls in excitement to see his best friend, was as far from himself Bruce had ever seen. On the bed he lay sprawled, his cheap blanket barely covering a leg. Fuck, he looked dead until Bruce saw the uneven rise and fall of his chest.

“Hey, John!” Bruce fell to his knee beside the bed, reaching out and placing a warm hand on his forearm. He was clammy, but only a moment went by before John's eyes fluttered open, gazing wearily at Bruce's chest before laying half-lidded.

“What's wrong with him?” Wayne's anger spiked, peeking back in alarm at the doctor, who held fast to his stethoscope around his neck. Bruce knelt by John's bed and shook his shoulder, and what came out of his mouth shattered something inside Bruce- A hauntingly low moan, ending in a gargle. His eyes failed to focus on Bruce's face even though John knew his best buddy was there.

“Mr. Wayne-”

“John! Shit, get up! What happened to him?!” Bruce called out, two fingers placed beneath his jawline and felt his pulse, slow but steady. He tried to pull John up to sit but the man fell limp, Bruce seeing the pinpoints of his pupils inside his listless eyes. He knew right away what had happened- He placed John back down onto his bed and about-faced, rage in his eyes-

“Have you been overdosing him on sedatives?!” Bruce yelled “How many drugs do you have in him right now?! And you just leave him locked in his room unattended?!”

“Mr. Wayne! John had a violent outburst earlier today, we had no choice but to tranquilize him.”

“No shit he had a violent outburst! He's a sick man, what gives you the right to put him into a coma? What drugs do you have him on?! Let me see the charts.”

“Bruce,”

“If I don't get those reports, I'm filing a lawsuit that you cannot possibly win. What's it going to be? Your job, or his chart?”

“..I'll fetch them.” Erickson shuffled out, looking grim. Bruce practically dove to John's bedside and placed a hand under his head, trying in vain to lift it and inspect his face. His mouth hung open and saliva seeped freely across his cheek and into Bruce's hand.

“Ah, John.” Bruce groaned “I can't believe this shit.”

“Bbrruh..” John tried to speak, Bruce hushing him and flashing him a very fake smile.

“You're going to be alright. You can hear me, right?”

John gave no response. Bruce climbed into the bed and sat, cradling John's head in the crook of his elbow, turning his head as not to choke on his saliva. Bruce glared daggers at the orderly-

“You do realize you could have killed him.”

“He attacked three patients, we only followed protocol.”

“Yeah, protocol, and what is that? Pump them full of drugs and hope they don't wake up? That sounds like an easy way to get rid of a problem.”

“Mr. Wayne.” Erickson returned and felt his heart drop at the sight of John laying prone across the billionaire's lap. He handed the report over on shaking hands, knowing his career was on the line-

“Give me that.” Bruce's eyes scanned the first page of many beneath it. “Already I'm seeing malpractice. What's this, you haven't been taking his vitals in between his doses. Midazolam IM induction, Diazepam IM, Clozapine, Pentobarbitol?! And you just gave this to him all at the same time?!”

No response. Bruce looked down at John and saw that he was trying to open his eyes- he wasn't dying, but Bruce wasn't going to accept anything like this. The bat inside him wanted to beat everyone who did this to a bloody pulp, this was a fate worse than death for his best friend. His heart broke all the while he grew more frightening, placing John back on the bed while he waved the chart in the doctor's face.

“Is this how you handle your patients here?! Another milliliter and my friend could have been dead in his cell for hours and you wouldn't have even known!” Bruce's cheeks where red in fury, he shoved the doctor and the orderly out of the room, standing in the doorway as a barrier between them and John.

“I'm going to go over every page of these records, and I'm going to unleash hell on this hospital in ways you can't even imagine.” Bruce, taking control, slammed the door to the cell and approached John's bed, his throat tightening at the pitiful sight.

“Here I am, buddy. I'm not going anywhere.”

“Mhh.” John tried to squeak out, his eyes heavily glazed in his attempt to look up at Bruce. The larger man couldn't contain himself, he had everything inside him needing to climb into that bed beside him and embrace his friend.

“I've got you, John.” Bruce tries to comfort him, picking up the lanky man and nestling himself right at his side, letting John's pale arm lay across his chest. Jesus, he was cold as ice. Bruce placed his friend's head against his chest, an arm around his shoulder holding him steady as he shared his warmth.

“Is that alright? You comfortable?” What the hell was he supposed to say? Bruce was overwhelmed, hugging his friend tight to his side as he placed the clipboard on his stomach, thumbing back the page to yesterday's report.

The amount of drugs they'd put him on was insane. Bruce wasn't a medical doctor but he knew most of these drugs, powerful antipsychotics and anticonvulsants. The amount of benzos they pumped him full of the past few days was legitimately cruel, it could have taken a horse down. Bruce felt a warm wetness on his chest, John's eyes where open but he was drooling freely onto his shirt, something Bruce entirely ignored.

He saw something there, 2 days ago and recorded at 12:15pm, John had apparently received a dose of flumazenil in an apparent “emergency” noted in the chart. So it was true, they had been overdosing John.... Bruce's heart ached. He cradled John a little closer and felt the noise in his chest better than he heard it. Wayne's memory flashed back to the crazy times they had, how Bruce had used him despite his sincere desire to save him. He really does like John, he is a good friend, no matter how sick he is.

“I'm going to get you out of here. I promise, John.” Bruce tells his buddy, patting his shoulder. John's hand grasped at his collared shirt in response and all Wayne wanted to do was mourn. It wasn't truly his fault John is back in Arkham, but thinking of his father and what he'd done to these desperate souls, he knew he could change things.

John had to get out of here, every tortured individual in here deserves better, no matter how dangerous they are. Bruce's heart was filled with a sensation of justice, but it wasn't Batman's work...it was his own. The camera affixed on him be damned, Bruce leaned in and kissed the top of John's head in a vain attempt at something, whatever it took to get to fix this.

#Batjokes #batman #telltale #joker #john doe #bruce wayne #fanfiction #fanart #john doe x bruce wayne #batman x joker #my gay art

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bigskydreaming · 6 years ago

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The Tragedy of Bruce and Dick and Jason...and Tim...and Damian...and, well, you get it

I maintain that Dick’s history with juvie and the system is actually crucial to understanding his and Jason’s dynamic, not to mention the reasons Bruce took Jason in at all in the first place.

Its usually described as though Bruce took in all his kids because they reminded him of himself in various ways, but that’s not really true. With Dick, yes, its been clearly canonized this was his motivation. He looked at Dick, who does look a lot like Bruce, especially when they were both younger, and saw a mirror of himself when he was a kid and had just lost his parents. He eventually took Dick in because he wanted to keep Dick from turning out like he had, consumed by his mission, his need to keep bad things from happening to other people, like had happened to him. To make sure Dick had more to his life than just that. He wanted a do-over in a lot of ways. Raising him was a way for Bruce to kinda see how his life would’ve turned out differently, how he would’ve ended up, if he’d taken a different path, if there’d been someone who understood his pain and the intensity of his drive to DO something with all the emotions his parents’ death left him with.

Yes, of course Bruce had Alfred, but its also been clearly laid out in the comics that Alfred - for as much as he saw Bruce as a son - just couldn’t relate to him in the same way Bruce could to Dick. He never really understood Bruce’s need to become Batman, he just went with it and supported him anyway, because he’s Alfred and that’s what he does. His kid wants to dress up like a giant bat and go fight crime? Well, okay, lemme get my sewing machine, guess he’s gonna need a costume.

And then with Tim, well, Tim came to Bruce, not the other way around, and they’ve always had an understanding because they come from very similar backgrounds. Same social standing, similar environments....Tim was neglected by his largely absent parents, not actually orphaned (until later), but Bruce definitely saw reminders of his own self-imposed isolation in Tim’s parentally-imposed isolation. There’s similar links and parallels between Bruce and Damian, Cass and Duke.

Jason was always the outlier.

Bruce never took Jason in because he saw a reminder of himself in Jason, (with the exception of Jason’s anger, which he could relate to on many levels, sure). But Jason’s story really has zero parallels with Bruce. Bruce met him when he was stealing the tires off the Batmobile. Both his parents were still alive, even if they weren’t exactly nurturing influences. He came from a wildly different social background and upbringing, was foul-mouthed, angry, bitter, vindictive, petty. Hell, he didn’t even actually look anything like Bruce, the way we tend to joke about Bruce taking in boys who look just like him. Originally, Jason had red hair. Bruce dyed his hair when he made him Robin. The idea that Bruce took Jason in for the same reason he took in his other kids, because he saw himself reflected in him, saw what he could’ve been if his life had gone a little differently, it just doesn’t work. On any level. There’s no scenario in which Bruce ever could have lived any version of Jason’s life. No scenario in which Jason was only a few degrees removed from Bruce’s own personal experiences.

No, Bruce took Jason in for one reason and one reason only - because he looked at him and saw Dick Grayson. He saw the boy Dick Grayson could have grown up to become if Bruce hadn’t taken him in, if Dick had been left to rot in juvie or elsewhere in Gotham’s corrupt system. If Dick had fallen through the cracks without anyone to catch him, the way Jason clearly had.

Forgetting where Dick came from, ignoring his original backstory, completely obliterates Bruce’s entire motivation for adopting Jason. And it completely erases Bruce’s real role in the trainwreck that became his relationship with both Jason and with Dick, not to mention the original relationship between Jason and Dick.

Because Bruce fucked up, big time, when he took Jason in. Oh, not that he shouldn’t have done it, but in the WHY he did it, and the fact that he never really acknowledged this and nobody ever really called him out for it. With Dick, Bruce was trying to give him a better life. Even if he fumbled and went about it the wrong way, his motivations were still pretty pure. Bruce was aware enough on some level of his own flaws, his own deep-seated dissatisfaction with his own life, to genuinely want to steer someone he saw himself in from going down the same road, making the same mistakes. A huge number of Bruce and Dick’s early conflicts were essentially Bruce frustrated that he didn’t know how to get Dick to stop making the same mistakes Bruce himself regretted making. Not getting that it still had to be up to Dick whether or not he did, that the choices ultimately had to be his.

But with Jason....Bruce’s motivations were not so selfless, and they were not nearly as self-aware. Bruce took Jason in pretty much in the immediate aftermath of his biggest fight with Dick ever, when he fired Dick as Robin and basically kicked him out...entirely out of an emotionally stunted sense of self-preservation. The idea of Dick being hurt, of losing him if he died, it terrified Bruce so completely that he pushed him away, as though if he lost him on HIS terms, deliberately, that would somehow be better, it’d hurt less. Except it didn’t. He regretted it immediately, but he didn’t know how to fix it without owning that he’d fucked up, without explaining to Dick WHY he’d done what he did, allowing himself to be vulnerable and admitting just how terrified he was of losing him....and Bruce just was not capable of that at the time (as if he is now, even).

And so then he’s out fighting crime one night and returns to the Batmobile, to find some scrawny little kid stealing the tires off it. A kid who wasn’t remotely apologetic, who was defiant, and ballsy, and not about to be intimidated by even the goddamn Batman, who swung his tire iron at this giant dude in a Bat costume, spitting and kicking and screaming as if he had the slightest chance of winning. It didn’t matter to him that he didn’t, couldn’t, Jason Todd was going down swinging. And in that moment, you can not tell me that its himself Bruce Wayne saw. That he looked at Jason and saw any version of himself or the kid he once was or even one he could have ended up as.

Nope, he saw Dick Grayson, the tiny little acrobat who’d guilt tripped him, HIM, into letting him dress up in bright yellow and green and run across rooftops taking on bad guys twice his size, villains he shouldn’t have had a prayer of defeating but did anyway, because he just refused to accept an alternative as reality. He saw the kid a young, angry Dick Grayson could’ve grown up to be if he’d been left in juvie, if he’d never had anyone else take him in and show him the kindness he thought he’d never see again after his parents died. He saw the Dick Grayson who’d been originally consumed not with Bruce’s desire to pursue justice, but with a desire to pursue REVENGE. I know everyone tends to view it as the other way around, but that doesn’t actually check out. Even in the backstories where Bruce finds the actual killer who murdered his parents, Joe Chill, Bruce’s own views on killing restrict him from every taking revenge rather than just making sure he goes to prison.

Not so, with Dick. Another element of Dick’s original backstory that everybody largely glosses over, even if they do technically keep it in mind - Dick Grayson wasn’t born this pure, virtuous, glowing saint that so many fans and other characters make him out to be. The exact specifics vary in the different versions of his backstory reboots have resulted in, but in the vast majority of them, this is a kid who ran away and ruthlessly hunted down his parents’ murderer, Tony Zucco, and who usually had every intention of killing him if Bruce hadn’t stopped him. Dick was old enough to know right from wrong, murder is bad, blah blah....he just didn’t care. And Bruce didn’t stop him by making some compelling argument or showing him the error of his ways, he didn’t tell him anything Dick didn’t already know. Essentially, what all those various takes on the Zucco plot boil down to is Dick only really refrained from trying to kill Zucco, settling for bringing him in, because Bruce wanted him to. Because Bruce was the first and only person to show Dick any kindness since his parents died, and THAT is what Dick clung to, that was what he didn’t want to lose.

(A little off topic, but additionally I’ve always maintained that Dick doesn’t have this obsessive anti-killing stance that most people make him out to, being even more rigid in it than Bruce. This is the guy who has an extremely complex relationship with Deathstroke, who’s mentored Ravager, who is the closest sibling relationship Damian has, not to mention his relationships with Huntress, Midnighter, Tiger, etc - all people who have killed many, many times, and often without remorse. Yes, Dick broke down after his role in Blockbuster’s death, and he had a panic attack immediately after killing the Joker, before Bruce resuscitated him - but if you ask me, this isn’t because his personal morality doesn’t make allowances for killing, its because deep down he’s still insecure about his place in Bruce’s life, and that HIM killing someone, specifically, could cost him his father’s affections. Which is a TOTALLY different thing from being too good or pure to kill, which is how he’s often painted as by writers and in fandom).

Anyway. Point being, the surly, defensive kid Jason Todd was when Bruce met him was absolutely someone Dick Grayson, orphaned circus kid remanded to juvie and likely to have fallen through the cracks and ended up on his own if Bruce hadn’t intervened, could have ended up as. And so while Bruce had looked at Dick that first night at the circus and seen the potential for a do-over for himself, the road not taken, with this cemented on the night he steered Dick away from killing Zucco and instead prioritizing (Bruce’s personal view of) justice.....Bruce looked at Jason that night in Crime Alley and saw the potential for a do-over for his relationship with Dick, with the son he’d driven away, possibly for good.

And herein lies the fuck-up. Because while I do believe Bruce eventually grew to see Jason as his own person and love him on his own merits, for himself, and not just as Dick 2.0, he took too long getting there, and hurt both Dick and Jason way too much along the way. All because he’s too much of a control freak to just accept that it was these tendencies that’d driven Dick away, that HE was the problem. Yeah, Dick contributed, sure, but Dick was the child. Bruce was the parent. It was always his responsibility to suck it up, swallow his pride, and be the one to reach out and repair the damage he’d caused by pushing Dick away. But because Bruce has so much trouble admitting where he’s done harm, he couldn’t do that. He’s this weird dichotomy of self-aware and willfully blind. He has no problem seeing his flaws when they exist in a vacuum. When they’re ones nobody’s getting actively getting hurt by in the moment. But because so much of his personality is centered around his all-consuming desire to protect his loved ones, keep them safe at all costs, ensure that he doesn’t lose them the way he lost his parents.....over and over and over again in the comics, he proves incapable of recognizing when that very same desire is the thing that’s actually harming them. He took in half a dozen kids who all shared a need to fly, to spread their wings, and time and time again kept falling in the same trap of trying to clip those same wings because he was equally terrified of them falling.

But because Bruce was so willfully blind to his own role in hurting his son, couldn’t reconcile his desperate desire to keep Dick safe with the realization that he was the one doing Dick the most harm.....he HAD to convince himself that Dick was the problem. That if he, Bruce, had made mistakes, that they were mistakes that he’d done along the way, places he’d gone wrong in raising Dick, resulting in Dick growing up to be this person Bruce could no longer relate to, no longer see himself in, that he couldn’t be a father to. And so, with Jason, he saw a chance to do it all over again, and do it right this time. Fix the mistakes he’d made the first time around, be a better father, make sure Jason didn’t grow up to be the man Dick had grown up to be, the way he’d once set out to make sure Dick didn’t grow up to be the man Bruce had become.

And so he created this trap that Jason and Dick had no chance to avoid falling into. There was no way around it. Because unintentionally or not, he’d pitted his two sons, two brothers, against each other before they ever even had a chance to meet. He’d made it a competition that both were doomed to be stuck in even as neither could EVER hope to actually win. Dick was screwed because he could never hope to beat the kid that Bruce had essentially replaced him with, not when Bruce had only done that because due to his own fuck-ups, Bruce had decided Dick needed replacing, because their relationship was beyond repair. And Jason could never hope to beat the kid that Bruce had taken him in to replace, because he was from the get-go pitted against Bruce’s IDEALIZED image of his first Robin and son, the person he WANTED Dick to be, and who didn’t actually exist outside of Bruce’s refusal to admit his own fault in his fractured relationship with Dick.

The very things he did that were GOOD for Jason, healthy, helpful, empowering....at the same time, HURT Dick. He adopted as his official son and heir within months of meeting him, even though he didn’t end up adopting Dick, his son of over ten years by that point, until years after Jason died, long after Dick was already a grown adult. And this was a good thing for Jason, at first. Bruce DID love Jason, had already by this point started seeing all the ways Jason was his own person, not a second Dick Grayson, and being officially adopted gave Jason a sense of security and certainty in his place there that he desperately needed. Problem is, Bruce only adopted Jason so quickly and easily because he recognized that this was a mistake he’d made the first time, with Dick. That it’d been a mistake putting off adopting Dick, that he’d always backed out of showing Dick the adoption papers he’d had drawn up for YEARS by that point. All because Bruce was afraid of rejection, that if he tried to insist too hard on being Dick’s father, tried to actually draw comparisons between himself and Dick’s first father, the idolized John Grayson, he’d come up short and get an answer he was afraid to hear. It was easier with Jason, since Jason had never had a good relationship with his own biological father and had zero problem rating Bruce the clear winner in any competition between them.

But of course this hurt Dick at the same time it helped Jason, because he HAD always wanted Bruce to officially adopt him, and it was his own insecurities that kept him from broaching the subject and asking why he hadn’t. The very fact that Bruce knew to do this with Jason, that it’d been a mistake not to push it with Dick, was because on some level, Bruce did know that Dick wanted this, needed this even, and that his own fears of rejection were baseless paranoia.....there’s no way to avoid this compounding his issues with Dick, because it meant that on some level, Bruce had once again denied Dick something he desperately needed and craved from him. A clear indication of their relationship, where Dick stood with Bruce, how Bruce viewed him. Ironically, at the very same time this proved that Bruce’s fear of Dick rejecting him were baseless, it proved that Dick’s insecurities WEREN’T baseless, because his place in Bruce’s eyes WASN’T entirely secure. He COULD be replaced.

And there’s the irony of Jason’s nickname for Tim. “The Replacement.” Only it was never actually ironic, so much as it was insightful. Born of Jason’s own insecurities. Because long before Tim came along, in the original family drama that was Bruce and Dick and Jason.....JASON was the original replacement, and they all knew it, only Bruce refused to admit it. Kept trying to act like it was all in Dick and Jason’s heads, even while every choice he made with the two of them just hammered in the reality that it WASN’T. Neither of them was stupid. They were the original sons of the world’s greatest detective. Trained to be observant and insightful. To read between the lines. They knew damn well that everything Bruce did with Jason was only because Bruce had decided (at the time) that his relationship with Dick was beyond repair. Unsalvageable. He’d essentially given up on Dick as a son, written off any possibility of having the father-son relationship he’d always secretly wanted to have with Dick, all because he refused to admit he was the one standing in the way of that and refusing to accept the man Dick had grown up to be, differences of opinion and all....and so had started over with Jason.

And Dick saw exactly what Bruce was doing, cuz Bruce isn’t exactly subtle when it comes to his personal relationships and his emotional issues. So it pinged every single insecurity Dick had ever had, and HARD. And once Jason saw Bruce and Dick interacting and heard the nature of their arguments, he saw exactly what Bruce was doing, and began second-guessing every good thing about his and Bruce’s relationship, wondering (with validity) how much of it had happened while Bruce was wishing it’d happened with Dick. Which of course pinged every single insecurity Jason had ever had, and HARD.

So from the moment Dick and Jason met, with a few rare exceptions where they were able to see past the Bruce-sized elephant in the room and view and interact with each other on their own merits, as their own persons, and just be BROTHERS, rather than dysfunctional sons of the world’s most repressed dad....Bruce and Dick and Jason were all locked in this never-ending cycle of Hurt, Rinse and Repeat.

Bruce adopts Jason. Jason is glad. Dick gets mad. Jason realizes why Dick is mad, and now Jason is mad.

Bruce makes Jason his new Robin. Jason is glad. Dick gets mad, because Robin was his mom’s personal nickname for him and not remotely something Bruce was ever the right person to give away. To make Jason his new sidekick, sure. But not with that name, the name Dick chose to honor his relationship with his mother. Jason realizes why Dick is mad, and now Jason is mad.

Bruce is happy when Jason calls him Dad and encourages it. Jason is glad. Dick gets mad, because Dick never felt encouraged or safe in calling Bruce Dad, even when he wanted to, because Bruce never encouraged it or even hinted it was what he wanted because Bruce was insecure and afraid Dick just didn’t view him that way and would never want to call him that. Jason realizes why Dick is mad, and now Jason is mad.

Over and over and over, every single damn thing Bruce did just compounded the harm he caused both his sons in doing it. All because he refused to just admit what he really wanted all along, and actually WORK at making a reality - to be a father to both Dick and Jason, and have both of them view him as such.

And that’s the tragedy of Bruce and Dick and Jason. They all wanted THE EXACT SAME THING ALL ALONG. But only Bruce could make it happen. No matter how much Dick and Jason wanted it, no matter how they raged at each other and blamed each other for not having it, Bruce was always the only one who could actually make them the family they all wanted to be. Because he was the parent. He was their dad.

And if you want your kids to accept you and call you and love you as their dad, you gotta do the goddamn job. Instead of calling do-over every time you fuck it up.

So of course Jason felt threatened by Tim when he came back, and of course he resented Tim, and called Tim “the Replacement.” Even though Bruce hadn’t actually sought Tim out as a replacement for Jason, there was no way for Jason to know that and no reason for him to believe it when told it....because Bruce had done this all before. With him! Every time Jason lashed out at Tim with that name, it was his own insecurities talking, his conviction that he’d been relegated to the same backburner he’d once seen Bruce shove Dick to, that he’d once insecurely expressed smugness about, when he could point to Bruce’s open affections as proof he was loved, but now knew exactly how it felt. But it wasn’t like Jason could take comfort in the fact that Dick was now welcomed back in the manor, that he was at Bruce’s side again. Because Bruce STILL had never acknowledged where he’d fucked up. In the wake of Jason’s death, Bruce and Dick eventually repaired their relationship....but only because DICK did the work. Was the one to reach out and make it happen, with Bruce so grief-stricken over the loss of Jason he didn’t have the obstinacy to KEEP pushing his remaining son away when he came bearing an olive branch.

But even with that, Dick and Jason at least were still painfully aware that should never have been Dick’s job to do that. To step up, be the bigger man, the more mature adult, even though he was the child in that relationship. Dick did so because it wasn’t worth it to him to insist on being in the right, even though he was. He eventually decided he’d rather have Bruce in his life on Bruce’s terms than not at all. But it was never his responsibility to do that, and that means Jason was never in the wrong to refuse to do that. To make it easier for Bruce, and coddle his own father when every child of Bruce Wayne’s has just as much trauma as he ever did, and he has no excuse for not doing the goddamn work of pulling his head out of his ass and giving his children what they need from him. Some actual honest, sincere, and UNSHAKABLE certainty that no matter what, he is their father and always will be.

And without that, the cycle was always doomed to repeat itself. First with Jason and Tim...because Tim might not actually have been a replacement for Jason in Bruce’s eyes, the way he’d unintentionally ended up making Jason a replacement for Dick. But without Bruce ever actually owning up to the mistakes he’d made with his two eldest, there was no way to address the fact that Jason’s insecurities here were NOT baseless, that he had actual reason to worry that this is exactly what had happened. There was precedent.

And then it happened again. Because by the time Damian came into their lives, Tim - who also is not an idiot, and easily the most detective-like of Bruce’s first four sons - had been firmly entrenched in the family drama for some time. The Tragedy of Bruce and Dick and Jason had for a few years now been the Tragedy of Bruce and Dick and Jason and Tim. He, like Jason before him, had had a front row seat to Bruce’s obstinate refusal to admit his role at the center of this tragedy, and so clearly could see Bruce’s patterns and how his selective doling out of favoritism went hand in hand with who Bruce currently viewed as beyond repair, in terms of father-son dynamic at least.

So just like both his older brothers before him, Tim viewed the newest Wayne son as a threat, and a replacement. And just like both Dick and Jason, he wasn’t wrong to do so. He wasn’t RIGHT, either, but that doesn’t mean he was wrong. That his fears were baseless. And so this time, just like when Tim had been the newcomer, circumstances were different, but the end result was the same. Bruce hadn’t sought Damian out, and Damian hadn’t come to him in the same sense Tim had. But once there, Damian received the lion’s share of Bruce’s attention as Bruce attempted to forge a bond with him, and so this time, it was the transitive property in reverse. Tim saw Bruce behaving in the way Bruce always did when a new son came into his life and occupied his focus, with tunnel vision - because Bruce always defaults to tunnel vision when committing himself to a new endeavor - and Tim reverse-engineered from there the belief that he’d been replaced and thus must have done something wrong, had somehow been lacking. Because that’s the pattern in their family. Without exception.

(Among the boys at least, Cass always having been exempt from this fucked up little family tradition due to being the sole girl and never a Robin, thus occupying her own little niche that had no direct competition, unlike the boys who always ended up locked in that same competition Bruce had initiated with Dick and Jason so long ago.)

And thus it became the Tragedy of Bruce and Dick and Jason and Tim and Damian. With again, always, the painful irony being every single damn member of this family wants nothing more than the exact same thing - to be a family, and equally secure in that knowledge.

I honestly don’t know how much this pattern has repeated with Duke, as due to not reading DC much since even before the nu52 for the sake of my blood pressure, all of my knowledge of Duke comes from fandom and fanfic. Which is more than enough to make me love him, but means I don’t feel comfortable including him in meta currently, because I don’t actually trust fanfics and issues synopses to have the same interpretation of the characters and dynamics that I’d have if I read them myself. (Seriously, I’m a little ticked off at how it took me like three years to learn that Duke’s a meta, even, which is extremely interesting information and something I was very interested in knowing, and am side-eyeing the hell out of a lot of fandom for how long this bit of NON TRIVIA took to show up on my radar. Like, its not exactly a small detail, if so many ppl leave that out like what the hell else is getting left out of fandom takes on Duke and his character and story? Ugh, I can’t believe I gotta start reading DC again, u guys let me down, why would u do this to me, ur the worst).

Anyway. Thought this was gonna be a little bitty post about how much Dick and Jason actually have in common and it ended up a Bruce Why Are You Like This essay. That actually sounds about right though.

The end!

(For now.....)

#batfamily meta #dick grayson #jason todd #bruce's kids deserve a bruce wayne who goes to therapy and actually learns stuff about himself

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technicallyarevenant · 5 years ago

Text

I don’t know what’s worse: Drowning beneath the waves or dying of thirst

Title: I don’t know what’s worse: Drowning beneath the waves or dying of thirst

Characters: Jason Todd, Mentioned Alfred Pennyworth, Mentioned Dick Grayson, Mentioned Bruce Wayne

Other tags: Flashbacks, PTSD, Suicidal thoughts

TW: Suicidal thoughts

Words: 1490

Part 1 of 2

It had been a week now since Jason had become swiss cheese, and Jason really wanted to leave. He had woken up to Alfred, and Jason’s not sure if Bruce knows of Jason's weakness for Alfred, but either way, a single look from Alfred quelled anything that might have come out of his mouth. That doesn’t, however, change the fact that Jason didn't want to be this close to Bruce for any longer. Or Dick. Or anyone else Bruce had decided to adopt. Jason had never liked staying in one place for long, and that had increased tenfold when Jason became The Red Hood. He’s going to make a break for it when Alfred finally leaves his side for more than two minutes. But that will still take some time, because Alfred is Alfred, and trying to keep a secret from him is impossible, especially if he gives you the look. As soon as Alfred gives you the look, you're bound to spill every single secret you foolishly thought you could keep from him. Alfred, however, will usually keep the secret to himself as long as it isn't going to cause anyone, including yourself, harm.

Alfred. Jason had always loved Alfred when he was younger, and he still does. The difference now between his younger self and current self, is that he doesn't think he's worthy of Alfred's love anymore. Something that is part of the reason why he wants to leave the mansion so badly, that and what he’d already previously stated. Jason's also not really sure why Bruce hasn't already kicked him out, and the only reason Jason can really think of at the moment, is because of Alfred, but Jason's really not sure, because how could Alfred still love him? After everything that Jason has done, how could Alfred even take care of him while he's injured instead of just letting him die like he deserves? How could he possibly be worth it at this point? If he thinks about it, Alfred is probably just looking over him while he heals because of some strange obligation to make sure that Jason doesn’t die. Maybe Alfred still feels guilty over not being able to help Jason in Ethiopia, or maybe Alfred is just a good person and doesn’t want to see anyone die. Even a monster like Jason. Although, at this point, Jason wouldn’t mind if Alfred would just let him die. But Alfred won’t let him. Dick won’t let him, and surprisingly, Bruce won’t let him. Jason can’t really remember what happened after he passed out, or anything that happened when he first got to the manor. Not that it matters, but Jason assumes that’s when all the important conversations took place, and Jason likes being in the know. Besides, Jason doubts that any of them would tell him what was said while Jason was unconscious, even if he asked nicely. Which he wouldn't.

With that in mind, Jason hefted himself up into a sitting position, groaning slightly at the tugging sensation from the stitches in his chest, Alfred had been gone for more than half an hour, so Jason assumed it was safe to leave. It wasn’t as if Jason hadn’t had worse, but it also never felt good when you got shot in the chest. Especially if you were shot multiple times. Jason looked around, trying to decide if trying walk around right now without anyone nearby would be a good idea. He hadn’t really walked around for the past week and Jason wasn’t really sure if his legs could handle walking around without any support. Jason gripped the metal rails on the bed, Alfred had been too worried about tearing his stitches, causing him to lose more blood than he already had, so they had kept him in the cave in the medical ward. Not that Jason minded, actually going into the manor, for the first time in years, would probably not be good for Jason’s mental health. Something that was already very bad. And yes, Jason would be the first to admit that he didn’t have good mental health, albeit not out loud. And especially not in the cave. Jason doesn’t doubt that there’s a shitton of bugs hidden around, making sure that Jason doesn’t somehow do something against Bruce’s code.

Really, at this point, it doesn’t surprise Jason that Bruce trusts Jason about as much as he trusts the other loonies that he throws in Arkham. It shouldn’t hurt, it shouldn’t, but it does, and to Jason that’s the worst part. That he knows he’s done more than enough to gain Bruce’s distrust, that he’s continually shown Bruce that trusting him doesn’t end well for anyone involved, including Jason, and yet...it still sends a shooting pain into his heart. The same shooting pain he felt when he was 15, angry at Bruce for not believing him about Garzonas, for not trusting him, and for telling him what to do, causing him to run away, and get beaten nearly to death by the Joker and subsequently blown up. Jason should be used to it, but he isn’t.

Jason’s grip on the metal bars tighten for a moment, and he grits his teeth, he needs to stop dwelling on things that don’t matter. Things that haven’t mattered in a long time. Gaining Bruce’s trust back isn’t realistic, nor is it an option. Not anymore. Even if Jason tried, and he doubts that Bruce would even let him try, Bruce would probably do the Batman equivalent of laughing in someones face, and tell Jason that he’d never trust him, not after everything that Jason has done. So Jason loosens his grip on the bars once again, and lifts himself up from the bed, trying to keep his legs steady and not fall on the ground and alert Alfred. Jason ends up gritting his teeth again as he tries to ignore the fact that his chest is slowly starting to feel like it’s on fire, because he’s not sure when the last time he got a dose of the good stuff, and he burns through it quicker than the others because of his dip into the pit of immortality goo that makes you go crazy. He stumbles slightly, his legs trying to adjust to supporting Jason’s weight again. He hisses slightly when the stumble causes the stitches in his chest to tug again, and god Jason hopes they didn’t rip, he didn’t want to deal with stitching himself back up again when he got back to one of his safe houses.

Jason stands still for a moment after he gets himself completely upright, fighting off the dizziness of standing up suddenly after having been laying down for so long. It wasn’t a pleasant feeling, but, again, Jason had, had worse before. He exhaled through his nose before stumbling over to his shoes. As much as Jason would like to leave right this moment, walking through Gotham without shoes on was pretty much asking for some sort of STD for stepping on someone's thrown out heroin needle. Jason tried his best to tie them once he finally tugged them on, but gave up after his fingers refused to work properly for him. He settled for leaving them untied and continued to stagger around and gather his stuff, pulling on his jacket once he found it. It was freezing in the cave, and Jason refused to be cold with this many wounds in his chest. Jason hated the cold. And he hated the heat. The cold reminded him of waking up in a box, clawing his way out and feeling the blinding cold that rained down upon him as the Gotham sky weeped for its fallen prince of Gotham. The heat reminded him of Ethiopia, of the blast that scorched his skin and left him dead, the same blast that made sure that Jason would never be with his family again, that nothing would ever be the same. It reminded him of the Joker, the man who beat him with a crowbar. The man who asked him “What hurts more? A? Or B? Forehand? Or backhand?”. The man who should be dead.

Jason had collected all of his shit, or, most of it at least. He wasn’t sure where his guns were, but he didn’t feel like looking for them. It was fine, he had more than enough, losing two wouldn’t affect him, it was just annoying. He looked back once more, making sure that there wasn’t anything that was obviously his lying about and started to head towards the exit for the cave, hopefully he could make it far enough, or Bruce wouldn’t care enough, so that nobody would catch him. Jason is in no shape to make some sort of great escape, so he just settles with stumbling out of the cave and beginning the long, long walk back to one of his safe houses.

#Jason Todd #Bruce Wayne #Alfred Pennyworth #Dick Grayson #mentioned Bruce Wayne #mentioned alfred pennyworth #fanfic #red hood #batman #nightwing #fanfiction #dc #I Don't Know What's Worse

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