#had a lot of vent posts lately so. dog to make up for it

[torchickentacos]

[siffrin-enthusiast]

(spins the question wheel in my brain) umm. if isat characters ran funny websites - made a geo/neocities or something - what kind of websites do you think they'd run, and how would they be designed?

OOOOHHH...let me put my thinking cap on. no plot spoilers but some ramblings about their characters :)

mirabelle would have a cursing of château castle fanpage and occasional reviews of other book series. she'd also write quite a bit about the change belief and post about her own OCs (she has OCs trust). mira tries so very hard to keep it aesthetic but autism blasts every few months and has to clean it up with isa's coding knowledge.

isa would have a page for his fashion business. he 100% coded it from scratch in a neocities with details about how each piece was made and how it was loved during its creation. it has a link to his personal social media for contact, 20% of which is about his brand and 80% is full of pictures of dogs he sees out and about. isa is really good at coding in my opinion!

i like to think odile would take up a blog as well as photography. i just imagine she'd like to document more of vaugard, more of herself and her heritage, to appreciate the quiet hum of change in the country through careful piecing-together of the present. she writes a lot and shares recipes that she doesn't make, but samples as she travels ka bue & vaugard. i DO think she makes the occasional shitpost kind of hidden away from the main landing page

siffrin had a website but last updated it six months ago. he's that one blogger that remembers they have a blog every year or so and comes back with an ao3 author kind of life tragedy every time. they give killer insight into various plays he sees and really good shitposts that keep people coming back though. probably a pretty plain, simple coded page with not too much CSS. there's probably a few drunk late at night kinda venting posts that are taken down the next morning.

bonnie's neocities is probably just a little overstimulating to look at. i'm sorry i think they'd have some eyestrain. isabeau/odile made them a custom layout and then bonnie hops on and rambles about their current interests in a private corner of the internet. bonnie's kind of in that "kid who wants to be taken seriously so they hide their more 'childish' interests" and them having a space to just indulge in/explore all of their interests would do them good!

[compassionatereminders]

So I'm wondering if you have any advice for this kind of situation I've been kinda stuck in.... so I'm autistic (so is my partner) and I don't have the best communication skills or hearing. I've been working on it, and I often use apps or DBT skills. It is very hard to misunderstand templates to get info across to people in my life because otherwise, I struggle. A lot. So, my partner and I have a lot of communication issues due to that, and we downloaded a communication app made for partners with all kinds of quizzes and prompts as well as ways to mark significant events in our relationship. It was my suggestion and we've both loved it a lot so far because it really does help usually, but lately we've been having relationship issues due to his mindset that every emotion I feel towards him due to his actions is debatable enough to argue with me about and then he'll mansplain effective communication to me, it's like his new favorite thing, so yesterday he sent me a prompt about expressing our emotions (that tbh I knew was going to bring up issues) that was meant to help us both express ourselves more clearly and give us time to think about what we're going to say since we can't see each other's answers before we submit our own. His was short and mostly pertained to our financial struggles, his career, and how our dog's misbehavior has been making everything difficult lately. Mine, however, was so much more in-depth and displayed a lot of emotions (not aggressively from my standpoint) that discussed all of the issues I've had lately (mainly that due to how hard our situation is currently, my ADHD has been sending curveball after curveball to my ability to function and because I'm depressed about how much I have to do, I've also been dissociating with no ways that have worked to stop it so far. Especially since he keeps on adding more tasks to my list of things to do while all he does is work, eat, sleep, and do maybe one chore a week (which upsets him a lot to do because that's apparently my job even though he wants me to also get employment on top of doing all of the housework and taking care of the animals and myself). Also, the fact that he yells at me for little mistakes all the time, which only makes me create more mistakes and continues the cycle of yelling and messing up...) I sent it last night right before bed, hoping to get through to him, but it really didn't. Instead, he sent me an itemized list with a screenshot that highlighted every single part of my vent that he either didn't agree with or thought was invalid and decided to debate me on my feelings. Now I should mention that I don't have an easy way to live elsewhere (and I've debated doing that for a bit just to get some space and figure things out for myself and see if things improve), but I'm wondering (just to get a consensus) what kind of advice you'd give me? Like maybe resources or something potentially?

I don't write or collect resources as stated in my pinned post, but it honestly sounds like your partner is deliberately utilizing "therapy speech" as a tool to manipulate and dismiss you, which is the opposite of "effective communication" and not constructive at all. It sounds like he's manipulating and gaslighting you into feeling like you can't and shouldn't voice your concerns, and that's both worrying, toxic and not at all constructive - no matter how much fancy terminology he learns

[webbedphantom]

I'm just... Man, why is it that every time I get the motivation to do something, something else always gets in the way? Why can't I ever be allowed to just... do?

I'm going to vent a bit just to get it off my chest, even though nobody's going to see this, so it doesn't matter. But I'll put it under here so it's easier to ignore-

I had a big project that I knew I needed to do today, but my mom had to run errands so I have to babysit my dog, and she doesn't give me any damn heads up, she's just like "we're leaving, bye" with no regard for anything I may have wanted to do.

But I thought it'd be fine. My dog is needy, but he's old, he sleeps a lot, and when he's asleep, I don't need to be sitting right next to him. And yet, every time I thought he was asleep, he woke right back up the second I started to move.

And so if I wanna do anything today, it'll have to wait until they get back. But by that time, it'll be late, and I can't stay up too late because I have an appointment tomorrow, one which will likely wipe me out for a good chunk of the day. And I can't do it Tuesday, because I have to work, and by Wednesday it'll be halfway through the month and it's for this event, so like... why even bother at that point?

It takes so much effort to get the energy and motivation to do anything these days, and yet when I finally do, half the time my ADHD, or my family, or depression, or any number of things leaps in front of me and says "No, fuck you. Stop trying to do something you enjoy, stop being happy. Just go sit in the corner and suffer for a while."

Which only makes it even more difficult to motivate myself. Because it's a pattern. A very consistent pattern, at that. So it's even harder to get out of bed when you know it's probably going to be pointless.

Hell, I think it happened the last time I tried this event on Twitter too, and last year when I tried to do the Symbiote stuff. Like... Fuck me, I guess.

Now, to the -5 of you who read this post, you might be worried about me, especially if you know that me dropping the f-bomb, or just cursing in general honestly is not a good sign for my mental state. But... I'll manage.

It's another part of the pattern. I get depressed, life smacks me down, and I keep pushing through anyway. Hard to keep suffering if you just give up, and I'm too stupid to know when to quit. So, it might take a bit but... I'll be fine in the end.

A part of me does wonder how much of these sorts of things I can take, especially when they happen so close together like they have been... and with my therapist leaving meaning I'll have to start over from scratch with whoever I get next but... Well, thinking about that is only going to make things worse.

I'll be fine. Pushing through this shit is about the only thing I'm good at.

[doberbutts]

This conversation makes me more and more wishing I lived in a country where protective items were legal - not even pepper spray is legal here. We mostly have blade crimes, I live in a rough area, thus far my big, protective dog has been enough to ward people off but I wish there was more legal options. If a dog (on its own accord, not ordered to) bites someone to defend the owner here, it’s a real hazy area legally, however but generally looked at better than if you had spray or a weapon. Sorry not much to add, venting a little, a very interesting conversation to read

I know people from other countries look at Americans as gun-obsessed and mock us for it, but this is the conversation I see brought up every time there is an honest discussion of why an American may need to carry a weapon for their own protection. Unfortunately living in a high crime area where there is a lot of violent crime is common enough that people need the reassurance of having something in their pocket or strapped to their hip that will help them out of a tough situation. Cops are useless even moreso than usual in these areas and politicians don't care unless they can use these areas as talking points for debates. So it is up to us to defend ourselves from harm.

I bought my first weapon and attended self defense classes to learn how to use it when I moved out, because I moved into a higher crime area (only place with rent I could afford at 18) and I was walking home after class or work often very late at night (11pm-3am) and several of my classmates who lived nearby had been attacked doing the same thing. Being visibly queer, ambiguously gendered, blatantly young and black, hauling expensive art supplies everywhere I went, I knew there was a target on my back and I was not willing to become a statistic.

I was followed. I was confronted. The last couple months of my time at my first apartment someone tried to break in through my fire escape almost nightly, which is why I moved and immediately got a doberman and some roommates. But it's also why I armed myself and made sure I did my best to learn what to do in a fight.

I saw this post that was like "Americans buy guns saying they need protection and I wonder how they'll pay for the hospital when they accidentally injure themselves" and it bothered me so much. The Americans that need to arm themselves for protection aren't the ones at fault for our backwardsass healthcare system. If anything they're also the ones who the healthcare system fucks over the worst. Self-inflicted gun-related injuries are preventable with gun safety but some asshole killing or raping you in the street is a reality for our most marginalized populations and we deserve the ability to protect ourselves from this.

[tryst-art-archive]

Before I put the dA descript, allow me to add the context that "Shout It Out" was an art meme that went around dA in late '07. The idea was to make vent art where you got the things you don't usually say out of your system, using a particular format.

To summarize: When I tried to do the Shout It Out meme, I short-circuited. I sat on this thing for months (which is evidenced in the archive, too) because I couldn't decide about putting the things I wanted to shout into the piece.

I remember I filled several pages of a large sketchbook with things to write into the piece. I haven't looked at it in a few years, but I remember the last time I did, it was pretty triggering stuff. It was very raw, and I was in a lot of (emotional) pain when I wrote it.

The choice to post this as a loud silence was very deliberate, although obviously I waffled about it. Whatever I may say in the description, the loud silence was supposed to be emblematic of how much I felt I couldn't say, for fear of upsetting the people around me or because I inevitably wouldn't be understood. In some cases, it was a physical inability. There have been many times when I've tried to express something vulnerable only to have my throat physically close up and prevent me from doing so.

I'm not going to look for the sketchbook write-up of what was supposed to be here, but I do have some of the notes digitized. A selection of those are below the cut.

But this is the most important one: "I almost wish I had been born a gay man; I don't know why."

"I HATE SCHOOL but I'm an HONORS STUDENT so I'll go to college anyway."

"I HATE MYSELF and have for a long time."

"I MAKE UP EXCUSES and BLAME OTHERS for my FAILURES and SHORTCOMINGS because I can't bear to shoulder the responsibility myself."

"I am FUCKING HORNY all the FUCKING TIME."

"I fear abandonment."

"I GAVE UP on art for the same reason I QUIT gymnastics and swimming when I was LITTLE; IT STOPPED COMING EASILY TO ME."

"I FEEL GUILTY about being UNHAPPY."

"I NEVER LOVED another person UNTIL I MET MARE; that's why she's my best friend."

"The PLAY Pippin SCARES ME BECAUSE IT DESCRIBES ME."

"I am convinced that I'm the only person who feels as I do despite all evidence to the contrary."

"I LIKE MEN, but I feel like no one knows it."

"I AM AFRAID TO POST THIS; I AM AFRAID TO WRITE IT DOWN. For every one thing I say, I have left 3 things unsaid."

"No one can "read" me. I put on so many acts and masks that I am not sure who I am or when I'm really being sincere."

"I am self-conscious about everything; I fear being disliked."

"I DON'T KNOW HOW TO SAY 'NO,' and I KNOW that it will get me in trouble one day."

"I can't draw or write anything pornographic because it embarrasses me."

"I AM INSECURE, but nobody seems to know it."

"I WANT TO LOVE SOMEONE ENOUGH TO LIVE FOR THEM; Dying would be too easy."

"I AM EASILY OVERRIDDEN; I AM A DOG ON A LEASH"

"KNOW THAT WHEN I PROTEST, I AM FIGHTING MYSELF TO DO SO."

"PLEASE KNOW WHAT I WANT AND NEED because I cannot make myself say even if it's something as simple as a glass of water."

"I think that I will be a terrible mother. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE A DAUGHTER."

"LET ME SLEEP UNTIL WE GET TO THE GOOD PARTS!"

"I MAKE THINGS HARD FOR MYSELF and I don't know why."

"I REFUSE TO LET PEOPLE SEE ME cry."

"I want you to think 'There is a girl who truly hurts, but, oh, see how she triumphs despite!' in admiration."

"I don't know what I'm going to do next year"

"I feel OUT OF PLACE with other people; that's why I'm antisocial."

"I DO NOT BELIEVE IN AN AFTERLIFE AND I NEVER HAVE not even when I was small."

"LISTEN TO ME WHEN I SPEAK, GODDAMIT!"

"I wish I were OMNISCIENT."

"I REGRET almost everything."

"I DON'T EXPECT TO EVER BE HAPPY, I ONLY HOPE I WILL BE."

"I LOVE VIDEOGAMES AND WISH TO BE RECOGNIZED FOR IT."

"I fear blindness, deafness, old age, balding, and becoming ugly. I fear forgetting."

"I almost wish I had been born a gay man; I don't know why."

"I like girly, pretty shoes. I never buy any because I know I'll wear them all of once if I ever wear them at all."

"I like songs that RELEASE ME."

"I have trouble expressing myself."

"I miss my childhood, but I also realize that I've romanticized it in my head."

"I believe people are basically rotten at heart."

"I HAVE DOUBLE STANDARDS."

"Without people to say 'It's time for dinner,' I probably wouldn't eat just out of laziness."

"I'm afraid that I'm annoying."

"I’M SHY. I don’t do half the shit I want to.I’M A GOOD GIRL. I don’t do half the shit I want to.I’M A GOOD LIAR. So I get away with doing the half that I do do."

"iBottle."

"NO MATTER WHERE I GO, I FEEL LIKE I DON'T BELONG."

"I'm afraid to say 'I wish...' because I'm worried that my wish will come true."

[katlover14]

Sorry

(Cw: personal rant. I just need to write it down and vent a bit. Please don’t read if you don’t want to)

I forgot to draw earlier today for October stuff.

I’ll try and do days two and three tomorrow.

But today… I got stuck at my second cousin’s son’s second birthday. If that’s confusing: I went to a birthday party for a two year old that’s the son of my dad’s cousin. Still confusing? I’m not dumbing it down further than that.

It’s almost midnight.

I’m tired.

They had a cat that clawed my leg, but it’s fine because he was so small, fluffy, cute, and let me pet and hold him.

We were at that house until almost nine and then had to feed and take my dad’s new puppies outside to potty, which took another hour.

I love the dogs, even though I prefer cats, but I had things I wanted to do today that I put off until it was too late.

I don’t even feel like doodling something real quick because it just hit me that I might not be able to take my cat to my dad’s when I fully move in with him.

I wanna cry, but I think I’m just tired so I refuse to make my headache worse.

I don’t want to leave my cat at my mom’s.

I don’t want to worry about her daily if I leave her there.

But I refuse to live in a stressful household.

I’ll need to ask my dad about my cat tomorrow.

But, tonight, I’ll just get as much sleep as I can get while stressing about whether or not I want to go back to my mom’s for just one last week.

My mom’s not the problem. Someone else is, but I’m afraid to tell her because I don’t want her feeling regret for how things ended up.

My cat was the only gift from one of my aunt’s that I remember receiving (my aunt’s alive, btw).

I love my cat more than I love drawing!

But I can’t stand the idea of staying in that house just to be with her.

I want to have my cat and have a mother-daughter relationship with my mom, but I don’t want the stress that comes with that house.

I have a hard time sleeping there.

I’m sorry for this post. There’s a lot going on in my head that I don’t know what to do with. So I did one of the things I’m best at: I wrote about it.

I don’t think I want to give more context or say who it is that’s bringing me so much stress.

If I wanted to do that, I’d make that person a villain in my stories.

Most wouldn’t find the things they’ve done to me as bad enough to cause stress, but those people haven’t lived it.

I know there’s worse.

I’m grateful I don’t have the worst.

There’s still something bad, though, and I’m tired of tolerating it for my mom, my siblings, and my cat.

I had a hard time falling asleep last night because I’m used to going back to my mom’s place on a schedule, so I guess I was mentally preparing myself to go back to sleepless nights and constant fights.

It’s not fun.

None of it was a game to me.

It hurt (it wasn’t anything sexual. Sorry I wrote it that way. Just mental stuff, mostly).

I hate being bit and pulled around, hugged and held against my own will even when I ask to be let go.

Having to scream for my mom just to be let go hurts me mentally more than physically.

Asking them to leave me alone when I’m having a mental breakdown, being told I’d be left alone, only to have the person that caused the breakdown to try and rub my back is not what I want.

I’m not a dog toy.

I’m a mentally unstable person that doesn’t know what she wants to do in life because she’s lost interest or doesn’t want to go through another year of math and English for no reason.

I want to write without the degree.

I want to paint, but hate the process.

I want to draw, but have no desk, so I sit weird on my bed, which gives me headaches.

I want to dance, but I’m always tired.

There’s something incomplete in my brain but I don’t know what it is (other than my frontal lobe. It’s not fully formed yet) and definitely need neurodivergent test of some sort to find out.

I’ve got childhood trauma that relates to my TikTok fyp more than I’d like to admit.

I want my cat to be with me so I stop worrying about her getting hit by a car (my dog died that way in 2020 and I’ve been paranoid since).

I want my gecko back (froze/starved to death in 2020. Not my fault. I told my mom she needed a better heat lamp. Mom didn’t listen).

I want my dog back.

I want my Guinea Pig back (mom gave her to a different aunt, who didn’t know Guinea Pigs can die of heatstroke).

I want my best friend to come home or at least text me back (I don’t understand why she’s ghosting me for something unrelated to me).

So much that I want that I can’t have.

I’m sorry this is so long. I needed to vent.

…

I hate venting.

It makes me feel guilty.

I don’t like talking about myself.

I feel selfish knowing things could be worse, but yet feel like I talk as if what I’m going through is terrible.

This isn’t a sewer-slide (I can’t remember if Tumblr censors things) post.

I can’t handle the idea of ending things permanently over a temporary problem. It scares me.

I know that if things do get bad enough to have those thoughts, I won’t be able to pull myself out like 6 year old me did just by thinking of how much I’d miss out on if I’d never existed.

Scary, but wonderful how that was all I had to think about at such a young age to stop the dark thoughts. Wonderful how much better of a mental state I had back then, even though it was seriously declining and was obvious I wasn’t doing great.

…

It’s midnight now.

I’m genuinely sorry if you read all this.

I didn’t mean for it to get this long or go into so much detail.

TMI, I guess.

[fentrashcat]

Okay so I said I'd try to write something up today, but it will probably be kind of jumbled. Tbh mostly a vent post.

General warnings for: the shitty side of disability, ablism(i think, adding just incase), mild descriptions of tics and tic attacks, self injurious tics, and probably some other things that I can't think of rn but will update if I do.

⚠️ everyone with Tourette's or tic disorders will have different experiences, this is just mine.

In general, I always say laughter is how I best cope with my tics, but that's been really hard lately.

Over the course of maybe 2 weeks, I've had at least 5 major attacks, most of which is happening in my home, which is where I would usually go to STOP attacks. It's been storm season, my neighbors think 4th of July is month round, my house is getting some repairs, my mom has moved back in with me, and one of her dogs is a puppy. I don't want to say behavioral issues bc she is just a puppy, but she is a chronic chewer and has destroyed quite a few things, as well as being ✨️very✨️ vocal. There is also the general chaos of introducing 2 dogs into a household of 2 cats.

I'm sure I've mentioned it but big triggers for my tics are stress, anxiety, general discomfort, and lack of sleep. Sudden loud/sharp noises will also set them off. I'm of course getting hit from every trigger, constantly, for the past few weeks. Doesn't help that the heat index is 100+F (37.7C) with 80% humidity and I'm on three meds that make me overheat faster than normal.

Along side the attacks I've developed new tics, and had the first urges for directly self injurious tics (I suppressed it and that seems to have stopped it but it was scary as hell). I've hurt myself while ticcing before, but it was always accidental. Like the tic wasn't to hit something it was just to move my arm and something was in the way. These ones however were meant to hurt me.

My new tics are also really frustrating bc they mess with my breathing (I'm already asthmatic and fighting a never ending battle with my lungs), and another one makes me feel physically ill bc it's like my abdomin flexes really hard and squeezes my stomach. I've also developed two new word tics. For comparison I usually get 5 or so new tics a year (ones happening over the course of multiple days, not counting weird one off days), 1-2 might stick around more than a week, and old ones sometimes fade out. I've counted 6 new tics and 2 new urges in just this month.

My family is trying so hard but really struggling to understand how to help/how to handle it. A big thing for me is headphones. My family is aware headphones on for loud things and that they are used to block sound. However, my grandfather will try to talk to me and ask me to do things despite being told I can't hear. I can read lips but he doesn't always face me when talking and when he gets frustrated it makes me anxious. So I either end up ticcing bc I'm anxious, or ticcing bc I had to take off my headphones while it was still loud. If he would just face me when speaking, or text me, or use gestures I would gladly help, but he doesn't think about that.

My mom and aunt also ended up setting me off at a family dinner. They tried not to but it didn't work and set me off multiple times. My mom was trying to tell my aunt about my new word tic and my aunt thought it was an old one. My aunt spelled out one of my tic words, thinking that would avoid triggering it. It still triggered but I suppressed it bc I didn't want to throw my pizza. My mom, thinking it worked, spelled out my new word tic, and set it off. Then one of my dumb triggers got mentioned and I ended up set off again. I know they didn't mean to do it but it really sucked 😅

My family also doesn't really understand that Tourette's is a developmental disorder and that it changes over time. My tics weren't really noticeable when I was younger and had a lot less triggers, thus not being diagnosed until ~17. So I get a lot of comments about how I used to be. "You used to love fireworks!" I know, I still do, I just struggle to watch them knowing that at any moment one wrong timing will set me off. "You never let things stop you before" you're right, I was stubborn as hell. I still am, I just have to be more aware that I DO have limitations. I push those limitations frequently and usually end up suffering for it. Even something like "they weren't this bad last year" like yeah, I know. I am HIGHLY aware that they are worse, idk what you want me to say.

My mom hasn't helped bc it feels like she simultaneously is putting me on a pedestal and being frustrated with me. She has tics, namely echolalia and responses to my tics, but isn't diagnosed Tourettic. She was having tics at work and told her coworkers what they are and that I have them, then follows it up with "being around you makes me feel more comfortable with mine" and I geuss it was meant as I seem at ease with my tics 90% of the time so she's getting more at ease with hers. Which is great of course, I love that she is letting herself be, but the other 10% of the time, when I'm having severe enough attacks that I can't do things, she seems upset that I'm not doing anything.

But bc I'm helping mom feel at ease, I feel weirdly guilty when my tics get me worked up. At one point I even voiced the wish to be "normal" (I hate that word but I was VERY distressed), and my mom was like "you are your normal" or "you don't have to be normal" which is all well and good, but I just threw 3 things in succession, slammed my hand into the window and ticced myself into a migraine. A part of me feels like I'm not allowed to be upset because this was the hand I was dealt and usually I'm really positive about it, so when I'm not positive it feels like a betrayal of myself? Idk how to explain it really. Like "how dare I get upset when my disability disables me! I'm supposed to be inspiration" Despite literally no one except my mom telling me that I inspire them to be comfortable with themselves. It makes 0 sense but I can't logic illogical thoughts into submission.

In conclusion- I'm fucking exhausted and idk what to do anymore. Sorry for the long ass post of me just complaining, ik it's not the greatest read. I hope its at least somewhat sensibly arranged bc i have no brain rn. If you stuck around to this point thank you for reading and I hope you have a wonderful day.

Also if you saw this post when I accidentally posted it unfinished and you came back, thank you so much, I really appreciate your patience.

[close-friends00]

I have so many things I wanna rant about however I'm number 1: too lazy to pick up a pen and my journal and just write all these emotions and boring feelings down so imma just trauma dump here real quick. and 2: I can't add pictures of Lana del Rey whenever tf I want in my journal sooooooo

ok so I have a lot of feelings for Lola, but lately especially today I have just been looking back at our relationship and there are somethings that are just either not sitting right with me or things that just have hurt my feelings and I'm just now wanting to talk and vent about this. I think I'm missing more how our dynamic was before april- I feel like she was there for me sm more in the sense that she was a huge rock when I was going through a ton of shit- and we talked about sm shit together and then after April when she started doing her ig lives I think we also grew closer because she was throwing hints at me and flriting- however after I reciprocate my feelings back I see that our messages shift a bit- but no worries right- we go on our first date amazing, I loved every moment of it. Eventually I realize that our dynamic at school is odd- there are days where she is very talkative with me and she reciprocates my affection and there are other days that I just feel like a little dog running laps around her, trying desperately to gain her attention and to be loved by her- I feel fucking ridiculous, and I just feel like so fucking awkward for even trying to talk with her. And then on my birthday in May - holy fuck did she open up about a ton of shit to me - like she was talking about her past relationships and some personal things shes been going through- and shes all over me- like shes holding my knee, making a lot of eye contact, yk like it felt like although she was telling this thing to more people in a way she was just talking to me too, like it was just us two? idk. point is afterwards things are weird- we are in a bit of a rut ngl. However she posts this tik-tok where she is like oh the month and my crush/relationship and she does emojis and I notice that in the month that we started talking there's another emoji next to mine? weird right? So before I can even see the tik tok shes already texting me being like ok here's why there's another emoji next to urs and that shit was personal and she goes on about her ex and all that- like we talked and I was like oh yeah those people are assholes yk, and I'm just realizing that I find it kinda unhealthy that's shes jumping from relationship to relationship and I can tell that the shit that she has gone through is still quite fresh - so I tell her hey Ik that you think I can't handle this but I'm willing to wait and understand and all that- however in may she had her rehearsal week- a week where we barely talked and I can understand why but then after her show the next day she texts me and she sends me a picture of her dump acc post and her doing makeup for a guy and she sends that pic to me and goes just in case u were wondering- this is the guy who's been making my life complete hell and she was just ranting how her ex and this guy have gotten in a relationship and just keep flaunting it to her face- and then she texts- 'now that I don't have to see them I can focus on you and our relationship"

and I played it off as a yess pls yk finally- but it made me so sad that I've been so into this relationship for almost two months and she is JUST NOW putting her efforts into it. and I understand- shes been going through some things- but I feel so fucking neglected in our relationship... idk I feel like once again I'm practically begging to be given attention or to hang out and I feel so guilty saying this but I just need to express it somehow. I think I can be her friend for now and just be a support system for her, but idk if she is ready for a relationship. and I need to know if she is because I wanna stop feeling like a burden , another task she needs to complete, idk.

one thing I've also noticed is that when she is with her friends- I feel like whenever her friends come up to talk to her, they're talking in code or walking around eggshells with me there. and I get it- they think imma snitch or whatever but it just hurt my feelings so much when we would be talking and she would just leave me to talk with them and just leave me waiting yk. and it just hurts because I feel like they're waiting for this 'clingy puppy' to leave so that they can talk...

i really really really like her and I want to be with her but I'm afraid to express these feelings because I'm low-key scared she will think I'm just like her exes.

but I just needed to rant about that real quick.

[lolatalks1]

wed, dec 6 2023

this is my first real journal entry, and i dont think dear diary is fitting to start this. i mean its just tumblr. i started this little blog because i need somewhere to vent, and so here i am. that sounds like my pinned post but its whatever. im not sure why im typing like im talking to someone, so i think i should stop explaining myself.

ive heard its good to write out how you feel, so i think im going to do just that. (im explaining myself again)- today was at first a good day, i woke up relatively early and was able to get ready for school quicker than i do normally- which is a win in my book. i was able to lay in my bed- which i need to wash the sheets of. my dog keeps laying where i sleep, which flares up my bad acne. i cant blame him though, i practically leave my side of the bed in a perfect napping position for him. anyways- i was able to lay down and read a little of this cute story about a single mother and a man in the military being her neighbor! very cute, very cute. then my dad took me and derek around eight o' five, then we got to school, and it was super cold outside. having to stand and wait for the doors to open is not enjoyable- at least i had derek -my cousin- with me. recently ive been a little harsher with him, but i thinks its because ive been a bit on edge with everything as of late. i dont mean to ignore- i think i should start working on that. he already has a lot going on.

continuing, i went to class. first period was tame, i mean nothing too much happened. really essentially a free day. aryeana ? im not sure how to spell her name now that i realize it- but she was there talking with jacob about whatever. sometimes i feel a little outcasted when with them- but i guess thats because im not that much of a conversational person when i cant think of a topic that will be enjoyable for all of us. i mean, i like anime and overwatch- and some more things. all those things they either dont like or make fun of- so theres no middle ground for us to converse on. i mean, only thing i can talk about is boys with ary. but its more so talking about aryeana's endless snaps with multiple guys and shes boasting about it- as well as boasting about her not being able to talk to guys. she is really contradictory. i dont hate or get mad at her though, shes nice to me. and cate is there- she kinda helps me relax. shes just a very nice person and since ive known her for so long i dont feel like i have to be super fake with them.

i think- well i know- my day went downhill when my mom finally replied to my messages. i had texted her about going to cam's surprise birthday dinner on sunday night- and she said yes! but then i asked her about saturday, if i can go shopping with her. i needed to go to barnes and noble to get multiple books that several people wanted for christmas, and maybe the mall to get some other things like candles from bath and body works. but anyways- she then revealed shes not going to be here this saturday- more so this entire weekend.... fun.

i just dont understand how she can just go i mean- i know where shes going- hell the whole family does. its nothing new, but the fact its such a repetitive thing and she always did it around familial times (thanksgiving and now christmas). i really dont get, seriously. and ive come to learn that she goes to some town with a new guy each time. what happened to her being with ron? her last boyfriend- i knew of at least. my nana mentioned she didnt like him because how he treated my mom, so im guessing he was abusive or really shitty. i dont care, and i guess thats a bad thing. i see it as karma now. i use to feel bad, want to console her. but ive lost it. lost that empathy.

anyways, she just makes me so- angry. to the point i can't focus on happier aspects of things because shes simply just so intoxicating with her narcissistic behavior. shes so aware that what she does angers and breaks the family, but she cant find it in herself to realize that its bad. how? im not sure. she didnt have a horrible upbringing nor a traumatic event with my dad. so i cant find a genuine reason behind what she does. its whatever, i keep trying to myself i shouldnt care so much. but i cant help it. it affects my home life, makes me i guess more so depressed? i dont want to self diagnose though. but shes the reason behind my upset outlook for today. hell even started playing class of 2013 by mitski- the lyrics hitting a bit too close to home. so yeah. thats all for now i guess, im not sure how journalling works. i guess ill start learning.

[gaybabything]

Alright I've seen a lot of people making vent posts lately so I'm gonna do it to.

I have had the worst fucking past few days of my life this week. First, I had to go to the fucking gynecologist for the first time ever because my periods have just fucking stopped. I am not exaggerating when I say I went a full year without having one. Either my hormones are supremely fucked or I have some stupid ass disease. Then literally the next day my period just started back up again, which is now kicking my ass. Then I get told that the woman who adopted me on here that I had literally only known for 2 days is in jail now??? And I don't know why???

I might have to put my dog down because she hurt her legs and can barely walk and is in constant pain (she's old, has severe arthritis, and bone cancer all in her hips and legs). My mom is making get my hair trimmed tomorrow which is always just super stressful for me for a ton of different reasons. I have to go shopping with her right after too which is just going to make it ten times worse.

I feel extremely guilty because I've been putting off hanging out with one of my friends because of all this. My insomnia and nightmares are also making shitty ass appearances, so I can't even use sleep as an escape right now And to top it all off? All of this stress has given me terrible acne. I'm talking peak puberty pepperoni face over here. My sister is on vacation so I can't even talk to her about any of this. Not to mention that this has all happened in the span of LESS THAN 3 FUCKING DAYS.

I am over all of this and all I want to do is curl up in a corner and sob but I can't even do that right now. Honestly if my dog dies I might straight up fucking kms. (Don't worry, I can't. I have a cat to take care of and I refuse to leave her like that)

And now I'm starting to see the appeal of these kinds of posts because I feel strangely better after this? Maybe I should go back to therapy. Actually nevermind because that shit is expensive but it's the thought that counts or something ┐⁠(⁠´⁠ー⁠｀⁠)⁠┌

[ethereal-lix]

.

[flower-of-zaun]

POLY SILCO AND SEVIKA FLUFF

Silco x Sevika x gender neutral reader

I see lots of NSFW posts for these. We need some domestic fluff.

Sevika isn’t affectionate, but she loves when you sit on her lap. She loves to pick you up to reach something. You try to hug her tho, she stiffens up. Gives awesome forehead kisses.

Silco is HANDSY. Always touching you, but not in a needy way. He just needs to keep you close. Also hates hugs…but gives the best ones when you need it.

If you smoke, there’s always going to be someone to light your cigarette.

If you don’t smoke, you’re going to die from second hand smoke lol. If you have breathing issues, they’ll refrain from smoking around you.

Silco yells at you? Running straight to Sevika and hiding in her arms. She hates to that you’re upset, but will never side with you. You’re a brat.

Sevika yells at you? You are baby. Showered in love and affection. Will not side with you though, because you’re a brat.

God forbid the both of them are mad at you. Puppy dog eyes will not save you. Sevika needs her space to blow off steam. Silco will talk it out with you, but you’re gonna get a scolding for making Sevika upset.

You are spoiled ROTTEN. Showered in gifts. That’s Silco’s love language, he buys anything your little heart desires. He loves going shopping with you and buying you new clothes. (You’ve had to donate so much because your closet keeps filling up)

Sevika tends to buy you weapons and practical things. Loves seeing you with beautiful daggers. You got a hobby? She finds the what supplies you need and restocks them. Will surprise you with a rare item or book.

She does teach you how to fight and defend yourself. Especially with the daggers. She wants you to be able to handle yourself in dire situations. Wants to teach you how to use a sword next! Really excited about it.

Silco likes to watch you train, but yells at Sevika if he feels she’s being too rough…which is all the time lol. You both yelled at him and continued training…he doesn’t do it as often.

Date nights are a nice. You guys tend to like going to a small noodle shop to have some drinks and talk about the week.

Date nights at home are a BLAST. Lots of take out and having them both in the same room to relax? Rare but amazing. You lay your head on Sevika’s lap and have your legs over Silco’s lap, while watching a film. Always a scary movie.

The 3 of you Sleeping together is rare. You either crawl into Sevika’s bed or Silco’s bed for the night. Sevika likes to sleep alone most of the time, but she has appeared in Silco’s bed with the two of you a few times.

You have caught these two cuddle together, multiple times. They play it off like nothing. You can tell they really care about each other.

You help take care of Sevika’s arm at the end of the day. Making sure it’s running correctly and making sure her Shimmer vials are full. She can watch you tinker for hours.

If Silco is working late, you tend to bring him coffee and spend some time with him before you head to sleep.

He sleeps at his desk a lot. You always cover him up.

You handle his eye injections too. He holds on to you until the pain dies down.

If you have any health issues, the both of them are on you about it. Silco has set you up with his most trusted doctors. Sevika helps you with anything you need, even when you’re being a prideful little shit and wanting to do it yourself.

Take medication? They always remind you to take it. Won’t let you leave the house if you didn’t.

Having a bad day. Sevika will take you to the bar to have a drink. “You can…talk about it if you want.” She will finally give you a hug and let you lean on her while you vent.

Silco will sit you in his lap, letting you ramble for as long as you need.

These bitches LOVE to gossip. The both of them are worse than teenage girls at a sleep over.

They are your best friends.

They are loyal and will defend you till the end.

Will do anything in their power to keep you happy and protect you,

[chuckbass-love]

hii! I have a request for prompt 71 with Andy or ransom ☺️

Hey lovely, thank you so much for waiting this long for me to post this and i really hope you enjoy reading it just as much as i enjoyed writing it.

Prompt #71: "I'm gonna fuck you in front of the mirror, i want you to see how pretty you look when you're spreading your legs for me"

Disclaimer: My work is not to be translated or to be posted anywhere else other than MY Tumblr, Wattpad and Ao3 without my permission. However, reblogs are welcome.

Pairing: Andy Barber x Fem!Reader

Warning: Swearing, unprotected sex, rough sex, ass spanking, vagina spanking, oral (f receiving), orgasm denial, daddy kink, breeding kink and angst.

Word Count: 3,486

GIF NOT MINE!!! Credit to @sergeantbuckybarnes go check them out💜

In The Mirror

Standing in the middle of the master bedroom, you start to fold the freshly washed clothes before putting them away neatly in the closet. You start off by putting shirts away, Andy’s and then yours before moving on to jeans. Sometimes you wonder how he even has the room for his own clothes since you take up the majority of the space. But you just put that down to shopping trips he's so insistent on treating you to.

As you’re just finishing up, you hear the front door open before it slams shut so hard that the anger fuelling the slam of it can be felt even upstairs where you are.

Looks like Andy is finally home...

You decide to finish up with what you’re currently doing, taking your time before approaching your husband with caution. It was probably another run in with Neil, something you’ve grown accustom to dealing with ever since you met him. Doesn’t mean you don’t run out of ways to handle it occasionally though, your best option is to just allow him to vent before you distract him. Usually distracting him requires an old movie and takeout but other times it requires rough and needy sex.

“Andy” you call out as you pad down the stairs and into the kitchen, only to find him practically chugging a beer way to quickly. It must be bad if he couldn’t even wait until dinner to drink alcohol.

“You know sometimes i think why do i even bother going to work. I mean, Lynn sure seems to enjoy screwing me over for that fucking prick Neil and i’ve had just about enough of it”

Okay, now he’s really angry. You have no idea what to do or even what to say to him, you’re rendered speechless by his cursing and boiling temper.

“I was just about to make dinner, uh, lasagne perhaps. Or maybe we could order takeout again and rent that movie you were telling me about. It’s up to y-“

“Did you not listen to a goddam word i said? I don’t give a shit about dinner, do whatever. I’m going to take a shower” his decibels rise, his tone scolding as he storms past you and up the stairs taking two at a time until he reaches the top. You hear his heavy footsteps stomping to the bedroom and then suddenly it all turns quiet until the shower water starts to run.

Rather than leaving him to cool off, you decide to head up to check on him.

In a way, he was right. You practically ignored his annoyed state and changed the subject, in fact you couldn’t have changed it fast enough. But that’s only because you didn’t know what to say. When he gets like that, there’s not a lot you can say.

“Andy, i’m sorry” you squeak, stepping into the master bedroom to find him stood with his back to you as he removes his dress shirt and tie. His back muscles tense as he stands still for a second before turning around and tossing his clothes to the floor before starting on his belt.

“Andy” you mumble, desperate for him to acknowledge you.

“What?” he snaps, slipping out of all clothes until he’s in nothing but his birthday suit, his impressive size dangling between his legs.

“I’m sor-“

“I heard you”

You gently step closer to him, examining his face for any tell tale signs of discomfort before you rest your hand on his right forearm, “please, just talk to me. What happened today?”

“Like you care, all you seemed to give a shit about was dinner, so how about you go focus on that like a good little house wife and leave me to deal with the tough shit... does that sound like a deal?”

“That’s not fair, Andy. I didn’t know what to say to you, that’s all. You’ve had that many run ins with Neil lately that i lose sight of how to help you. But i’m here now, just talk to me. Tell me what i can do to make it better”

Silence.

His hand pulls from your touch, but before you can even understand what’s going on you’re back is already touching his toned tatted chest. His arms rest on your shoulders, keeping you pressed against him.

“Well, there is one thing...” he starts, moving your hair to the other side of your neck, freeing up some skin for him to feast on. His mouth nears closer, his hot breath fanning you torturously as his nose nudges at you. That’s when you feel his hands fiddle with the hem of your shirt teasingly, slowly lifting it up your torso with ease. You lift your arms in the air, allowing him to remove it before he discards it behind him without a care.

“Such a beautiful body, honey. Be a shame to waste it fretting away about dinner in that kitchen” you gulp in response, feeling his lips barely grazing the nape of your neck, the action causes a shiver to dance down your spine as his beard scratches you.

“Andy” your voice is nothing but a breathless whimper as you turn to face him, his hands instantly rest on your waist at the band of your booty shorts. Of course when he tugs at them, you know what he’s after now and you also know that no matter what you do or say, he’ll take it regardless.

He drops down to his knees, surrendering to your body and dragging your shorts down your legs as he sinks to the floor. You step out of them for him, even going as far as to kick them to one side before he pushes you back to the wall.

The palm of his hand gives your calf a soft squeeze as the other lifts your leg up to drape over his shoulder, your aching sex on show for his lustful orbs to focus on. The insatiable hunger is starting to drown out his mind, body and soul, he’s incapable of thinking of anything else but you, craving anything else but you.

He’s starving, desperate to taste you.

A couple more minutes pass with him peppering kisses along your ankle at first before moving up to your calf and then your thigh. You try to push him away due to the sensitivity there but he only forces you off him, he’s so much stronger than you could ever be and you know now that you’ve lost.

He presses another chaste kiss to your bundle of nerves before pausing and feeling your body react to his touch. Your shaking body begs to be worshipped and devoured whilst he begs to drink and breathe you in like you’re his only lifeline.

“Smell so good” he coos, poking his tongue out to give your clit a kitten lick as his nose nudges at your mound, the action causes you to roll your eyes to the back of your head. Whatever you did to deserve this agonising torture, you will make sure to never do it again. This is teasing at its peak.

“Please, Andy. I need you”

“Oh you’ll have me, alright” his response is quick yet snappy as he dives into you. His mouth latches onto your sex aggressively, sucking, slurping and biting. His beard scratching your inner thighs and it's sure to leave a burn there.

The tip of his tongue points all the more as he winds it around your clit rapidly and even with one hand gripping your hips roughly whilst the other strokes your leg up and down before settling on your ass, you still feel unsteady as if the smallest wave of pleasure could knock you to the floor.

His mouth right where you want him comes and goes as he takes breaks in between to come up for air, but right when you feel yourself getting lost in the feeling, it comes to a complete halt.

You glance down at him, eyelids heavy, chest rising and falling, only to find him rising to his feet.

“What the hell, Andy?” you ask, your entire body heating up.

“You sound angry” he cocks his head to the side as he grazes his hand across your hardened nipple.

“I am”

“Now, that’s exactly how i felt when i came home. Yet instead of comforting me like a good little wife should do, you made me feel worse. So therefore, you don’t deserve to cum”

What the hell is wrong with him tonight?

He shoots you a wink before padding into the bathroom, the shower water still running and steaming up all of the mirrors in your eye-line until he closes the door, locking it to prevent you from entering and leaving you standing there perplexed at his actions.

He did all of that on purpose. He built you up to the edge of ecstasy before leaving you to come crashing down all alone, all in the name of proving a point.

You reach for your robe off the hook on the bedroom door before storming out, brimming with frustration as you make a start on the dinner. Lasagne will do for tonight.

You prep it as fast as you can whilst the oven preheats to the correct temperature before putting it in and setting the timer. Now you can relax.

As soon as you throw yourself down onto the couch and flick the tv on, you hear the bathroom door open. You’re almost certain that he expected you to wait for him like a lost puppy dog but you refuse to play into his petty games of revenge. All because you didn’t comfort him. It was silly and unnecessary.

So for now, you’ll indulge in some reality television whilst you wait for dinner to cook and if there’s one thing that’s for certain, it’s that you are most definitely not putting out for him tonight. No matter what he says or how much he sweet talks you. It’s not good enough for him to treat you like that.

Whatever Neil did or said, that’s a work problem.

Andy can’t believe his eyes when he comes back into the bedroom only to find it empty. He wraps his white towel around his waist, covering up his modesty before heading out into the hallway and down the stairs. As he reaches the bottom of them, he spots you watching tv in the lounge, giggling away at whatever The Kardashian family are doing now, but whatever it is, he doesn’t care.

Instead of leaving you be, he stomps over “what do you think you’re doing?” he inquires, voice bellowing more than he intended “i’m waiting for the lasagne to cook, it’s in the oven. Enjoy your shower, honey?” you probe sarcastically, a rhetorical question. However your sarcasm infuriates him further as he picks you up with ease.

“Andy, put me down. NOW” you shout, kicking your legs and slapping his upper back as he drapes you over like you weigh nothing.

“Dinner is in the oven” you remind him, desperate to avoid burning it. But that’s when he puts you down before walking over to the kitchen and turning the oven off.

Your eyes widen as he approaches you once again, picking you up and carrying you up the stairs, taking them two at a time as he always does.

“Andy” you groan until he places you back onto your own two feet, his hands practically rip your robe off to expose your naked body before he does the same to the towel covering his manhood up.

“I’ll tell you what’s about to happen, honey and you’re going to listen” he informs you, stepping closer and moving you to stand in front of the mirror. You correct your abysmal posture as you look back at him in the mirror. A sinister glint in his eyes becomes crystal clear as a wicked grin graces his handsome face. His beard full, his hair still wet from the shower as droplets of water drip down his chest.

“I’m gonna fuck you in front of the mirror, i want you to see how pretty you look when you’re spreading your legs for me” the pure filth has you holding your breath in shock before exhaling dramatically.

He’s always been kinky but sometimes he still manages to leave you shocked. Although it’s times like these that you love him the most, the whines and whimpers he draws from you so effortlessly, the way he causes your body to tremble raggedly and most of all the way your entire world stops turning as he brings you to that cliff edge, pushing you off of it with his two large menacing hands.

He kicks your legs apart further before pulling your arms to the back of you. He hooks his arm inside of them to prevent you from moving away from him whilst his other hand massages your puffy petal like folds before circling your dripping entrance.

Once his tip is resting directly at the tight hole, he proceeds to move forward, the skin around your entrance catching onto him as your walls welcome him inside.

“Oh, fuckkk” he draws out the word, groaning and gasping for air as he drives home, the feeling overwhelming you to the limit.

How can one man have such a firm and tight grip on you like this?

How did you end up here, unable to utter out a single word as his pace picks up before he’s fucking into you so violently, snapping his hips with no signs of slowing down.

“Keep your eyes on yourself, honey, do as i say” he warns, and the moment you look up at him, you see the darkness and it causes you to look away, focusing back on yourself just like he instructed you to do.

The feeling of his cock dragging along your walls so fast is enough to cause the knot in your stomach to tighten painfully. The pleasure is almost too intense to bare, too much for your fragile body to handle. Yet you continue to take it, allowing him to fuck away his anger, channeling it into this moment.

His arm and hand tightens around your arms, holding you in place as he keeps his sights on you, watching as your mouth hangs open in the perfect O shape. Fuck, you look perfect like this with him bending you to his will, using you for the sole purpose of his pleasure and his pleasure only.

How did he get so lucky to be graced with you’re beauty?

The harder he snaps his hips into you, the more the coil tightens and the all too familiar feeling builds all the more inside of you. An ongoing reminder of your impending orgasm.

“Andy, i-i’m gonna c-cum” you tell him, begging for him to allow you the privilege of releasing, the privilege of creaming all over his rock hard cock.

A dark chuckle erupts from his throat, mocking your pleas for a release before tutting at you, the torment continuing.

“Please” you beg once again, only to be reprimanded with the harsh sting of his hand landing on your ass cheek “keep your eyes on the mirror, honey. You’ll come when i tell you to, quit being a brat”

The need to release is almost unbearable, tears of pleasure welling in your eyes and drowning out your vision before you blink, allowing them to stream down your innocent looking face for him to see. It only spurs him on more as he moves his free hand in from of you, kicking your legs further apart before smacking down on your sex brutally. Your body jerks in response before somewhat relaxing at the feel of him rubbing briskly at your pulsating clit.

“That’s it, honey. Taking that cock so fucking well”

“I need to c-cum, A-Andy” your voice trembles frantically in hopes of him taking pity upon you.

“Shhh, baby. Just let daddy fuck the frustration away, gotta fuck it all away” his words are pure filth but his tone is gentle and needy. He just wants to take his anger out on your body, channel it into something.

You can imagine that with the field of work he’s in that he finds it hard to keep his cool with Neil every day. Which is a shame because they used to be close.

Granted that was back when Neil first started and Andy mentored him, whipped him into shape and taught him everything he knows. And Neil is a better lawyer because of it. However, it also means that he’s just rude, obnoxious and cocky towards Andy, pushing him to the edge and taunting him a little more every day.

“Hold yourself back for daddy, you’ll cum when i give you permission to. Is that clear, honey?”

“Yes” you mumble, barely audible.

“What was that?”

“I mean, yes daddy” you correct, watching his eyes intently, searching for any sign of him letting up his tight hold and hard thrusts.

“Good girl, being so perfect for daddy and taking this fucking like a pro, huh?”

“Yes daddy”

Your eyes glaze over as you struggle to keep yourself in tact, the hold you have on your orgasm is slipping from your control slowly but surely and you know that if he doesn’t give you the go ahead soon then you’ll end up breaking the rules.

Something that will surely earn you a painful punishment.

“God, fuck. I’m gonna cum, you gonna cum with me, honey?” he asks, gasping. You throw your head back onto his chest, arching your back into him further. You nod your head as quickly as you can as you feel your knees turning weak.

“Count down with me”

“10’ you say in unison, his fingers rubbing furiously at your sex.

“9” the sound of your skin slapping together bounces off of the walls.

“8” the feel of his mouth latching onto the sweet spot on your neck, pearly white teeth sinking in to mark you up.

“7” the moans he’s eliciting are now flowing out of your mouth uncontrollably.

“6” deep grunts escape him as he pushes you against the mirror, causing your cheek to push up against it.

“5” the feel of him fucking into you tightens the coil for the final time, the feeling agonising.

“4” you scrunch your eyes closed, seeing stars as you arrive at the cliff edge.

“3” you say in unison as his thrusts turn from fast and rough to slow and hard.

“2” his cock twitches inside of you, your walls flutter around him over and over.

“1”

“That’s it, baby, cream all over that cock for me”

You let go, body shuttering as you stand up onto your tip toes. His grip on your arms lets up, causing you to fall forward, hands resting on the wall either side of the mirror.

“Oh god” he growls, hands splaying across the soft globes of your ass before he fills you with hot ropes of cum, breeding you unofficially.

He remains seated deep inside of you for a minute or two whilst the two of you struggle to regain control of your breathing, both of your hearts beating so fast that it feels as though they are on the cusp of exploding out of your chest.

“How are you feeling now?” you ask as he pulls out, turning to face him.

“Hungry for Chinese takeout and a night filled with fucking that tight cunt”

“Was that not enough?”

“I’ll never get my fill of you” he says, pulling your naked body flush against his “i want you all of the time and besides, that was just to channel my anger into something. The next time will be to make a baby”

“W-what?” your voice shaky as you raise your eyebrows at him.

“You heard me, i’m gonna spend all night breeding you, honey. Gonna make you all nice and round with my child. Gives me a chance to take my mind of that cunt Neil”

You nod your head, humming your agreement before pressing your lips to his.

Sure, you’ve had chats about kids before but this is the first time he’s openly suggested trying and even after his outburst, your love for him remains.

You can’t wait to spend the night tangled up in the crisp white sheets of your bed, filled with his cum.

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General Tags: @deadlymistress24 @coffeebooksandfandom @chris-butt @holtzkinnon @mychemicalimagines @llamadelreyx @haus-of-bitch-talk @buckstaybucky @thewinchestergirl1208 @chrissquares @patzammit @dummiesshort @cevans-fics @americasass91 @toni9 @aaliferous @bradfordmyworld @thereisa8ella @candlefics @yassspose @randomsevans @fanficforfun

Just Chris & Characters Tags: @onetwo3000 @sheofthegarden @whiskeytangofoxtrot555 @mrsbbarnesrogers @princess-evans-addict @stxvercgersslut @chris-evanslover @bval-1 @thejemersoninferno @denisemarieangelina @janeyboo @evansphnx12 @dwights-new-plague @whxre4cevans @cherry-gemz

LMK if you want to be added to my tag lists...

[animerina]

Writing Update! (And I Finally Got Plagiarized)

Sorry I have been MIA. Once again, life has gotten the better of me as of late. First, my work became soul-sucking and took a lot of my free time. Once I managed to get that under control, my dad ended up in the hospital for a week and I had to help my mom take care of him and his dog while he was unable to. What doesn’t help is their dog hates my dog so putting the two of them at my house was absolute chaos. My partner left his job in May and started working in August somewhere else so I was trying to manage all our finances alone for several months which was absolutely taxing. We ate through most of our savings during that time, but luckily he’s getting a paycheck again. Things were getting better, but dad is back in the hospital and I don’t know for how long this time.

I know I’ve been neglecting my writing, so I really am trying to make it up to y’all by hopefully getting some chapters for different works out by the end of this week. I don’t have many followers, but I appreciate every single one of you and I’m so glad I have been able to write some stories you guys have enjoyed. I love seeing your reactions and thoughts, and am so proud of the content I’ve been able to create.

Unfortunately, something was brought to my attention today that I was hoping never to have to address. One of my followers messaged me that they believed one of my stories had been plagiarized by another blog on tumblr. I know this happens, I was just hoping it wouldn’t happen to me. At first glance, it didn’t really look like it had been copied, but as I read it, I realized that not only the concept and setting been stolen, but some of the dialogue and actions were copied word for word.

It really upset me to see this especially since I have followed this person since I entered the Tolkien fandom and have really enjoyed much of their work. Not only that, but they are a much larger blog with a lot of traffic/notes and provide a lot more content. It took me a long time to feel comfortable and confident enough to post my first story on here and A03, and the fact that even a small part of a story was plagiarized really hurts. I won’t call them out publicly because I don’t want anyone to attack them, but I know they will see this since they follow me and I hope they don’t do this to any other writer on here. It’s one thing to be inspired by a fic, it’s a completely different situation when it’s copied word for word. I’ll end my rant here and I’m sorry, but I needed to vent.

[chronic-invisibility]

Please Read!

Hi, my name is Drew, I’m 26 years old and I don’t want minors to interact with my blog, please. I will block you if you are under 18 or don’t have your age in your bio. Please understand this is a boundary I am setting for your safety and comfort and mine. It’s not personal.

I used to use this blog as a mental health vent blog, but I have other things I like and want to post about and trying to use separate blogs entirely is complicated. So I’m going to make this my main and have sideblogs for my various specific topics. That being said, this blog is still going to have a trigger warning for ed, sh, sui, SA, poor mental health in general. I do my best to tag things appropriately, including specific trigger warnings, but if you need me to tag something specific let me know and I’ll do my best! I can’t promise I’ll remember every single tag I try to maintain on here, but I do try.

My MCR blog is @youmustfixyourheart

My mental health vent blog is @imtheworst-imsorry

My (mostly inactive) Moon Knight blog is @lunarcavalier

I just finished my first full year after going back to school to finish my bachelor’s degree, I am majoring in Museum Studies and my fondest wish is to work at the living history museum my family has visited since before I was born. I had a job in retail pharmacy as a pharmacy technician for 2.5 years but the pharmacy industry is fucked and we had a LOT of turnover and being verbally abused by customers on a daily basis sucks so I quit last October, currently I'm focusing on being in school full time and I’m lucky enough to live with my family so I don’t have a ton of bills rn. I like knitting and crocheting, reading, writing (currently actually working on a very long, self-projecting, angsty fic and just published a shorter fluffier fic for the first time in a few years), art (making and consuming, I actually made a painting for part of my final project for one of my classes that just ended and I forgot how much I like painting so I might try to do that more often), swimming (even though I rarely get the chance), and being with my dog, Henry. I was late-diagnosed as Autistic and ADHD when I was 23, and I have a bunch of other mental health issues, too. I’ve experienced a LOT of bullying, mistreatment, misunderstanding, and sometimes outright abuse from my peers (and some adults) growing up and even into my early adult years (not that I’m not still a young adult, but like, 18-21 were NOT great years for me) in part because of my neurodivergence, and as a result I have a lot of trust issues and anger and sadness and trauma that I’m trying to work through.

My main Special Interests are: mermaids, the living history museum I mentioned (and museums in general), My Chemical Romance, music, theater, and art.

Some of my current hyperfixations include: MCR, Heartstopper, and learning to crochet.

My DNI list is kinda long, and most of it’s common sense, but if you fall into any of these categories, don’t follow my blog or interact with me (I do check blogs that follow me and I WILL block you) and also please fall into the sun and die.

DNI:

Minors

LGBTQIA+phobes/exclusionists

Antisemites

Racists

TERFS/SWERFS

Ableists

Fakeclaimers of any kind

Anti-abortion

Anti-vaxxers/COVID deniers

“All Lives Matter/Blue Lives Matter” people/pro cop/pro military industrial complex

Blackpink stans

JKR supporters

Tr*mp supporters

Kanye supporters

Sia supporters

Dave Chappelle supporters

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I might keep updating this post as my life changes, or if I think of anything new, but hopefully this is a good intro of who I am and what this blog will contain.