#gynecologist!andy

[fireflylitsky]

:3c I couldn't pick so I had to narrow it down to three

AnFuu Jack of All trades (Undead Unluck)

Kai Fuwa - Fixing Overhaul (BNHA)

ZabuTema Abandon Reason

askldfjksadjh I am surprised by the selection?? Very well then :3

Okay Jack of All Trades is a medical kink one shot in which Andy casually divulges he has a PhD (because the man has been alive forever and apparently is good at everything) and offers to give Fuuko a checkup since she probably hasn't had one since before her Unluck ability developed. Fuuko is both mortified and tempted, as she's been concerned with one thing in particular regarding her sexual health for a while now...

Aaaaand snippet time (this one is very wip):

“Oh my god…” Fuuko hisses, face flashing red. “I have to go.”

“No, you don’t,” he calls her out with a laugh. “But hey, if all your stuff is in working order, then alright.”

Yeah. That was the problem. It wasn’t really—not all her stuff, anyway.

She looks at him with a moment of pause, chewing at her lip. “Y-Yeah. No, of course it is.”

Andy raises a brow. “You lyin’?”

“No!” 

“Yeah, you lyin’.” He sighs, leaning back in his chair. “So what’s the issue?”

“It’s… it’s nothing,” she denies, feeling the burn of her cheeks.

Andy’s face take on a wolfish sort of amusement. “That don’t look like nothin’, Fuuko.”

She huffs indignantly. “Nothing important, okay? All the necessary parts that keep me alive are working just fine and that’s what matters.”

“C’mon,” he chuffs. “All of you matters.”

“Andy…”

“Just tell me.”

“Do you promise not to laugh?”

“Sure.”

“I mean it, Andy.”

“Hey, that makes two of us. You stallin’ for time or what, sweetheart?”

“I… God… I don’t even know how to say this…”

“You got some sorta bowel movement problem or somethin’? IBS?”

“What? No. No, it’s nothing like that. I… this is stupid—I don’t know that it’s even worth mentioning. I doubt you could even do anything about it.”

“Whoa now, pretty hasty in doubtin’ me like that. Keep it up and I’ll get all offended.”

“Well unless you’re a gynecologist, it shouldn’t be all that offensive I’ll have you know!” she blurts, hands fisted at her side and mouth snapping into a tight light, a hot breath puffing from her nostrils.

Well, beans. That just kinda slipped out now, didn’t it?

She expects some snappy zinger back. Like ‘Oh ho, I know the female body intimately’, but instead his mouth pulls into a frown.

“You alright?” he asks, brows pulling together with concern.

“I–yeah…” she mumbles, staring at the floor which is much easier than Andy’s scrutinizing face. 

“Hey." There isn't an ounce of humor or judgment in his voice. “You should tell me what’s goin’ on, I do know some stuff—no bullshit or funny business. I might be able to help.”

“Andy…” she mutters, tipping her eyes up reluctantly. 

“Look, ya don’t gotta be embarrassed,” he assures. “Whatever’s botherin’ ya, well that means it’s botherin’ me too. We could use one of Nico’s labs. Easy. Make it real legit, put you in a gown and all that good stuff.”

“I don’t know, Andy…” she whines. He’s so… comforting? He makes it so darn hard to tell him no. Does she even really want to tell him no? “I mean it, i-it’s really not important. Not in the grand scheme of things.”

His brows angle sternly and he leans in and down, almost even with her height. “I mean it too. Quit tellin’ me you're not important before I do somethin’ stupid.”

“Wh-wha? Like what?”

“Haven’t decided yet,” he hums. Somehow it sounds like a threat coming from him. She doesn’t want to find out to be honest. Surely it’d be embarrassing for her, whatever he decides.

“Okay, fine!” Fuuko caves, throwing her arms up in  exasperation. “I can’t…” she swallows thickly, the words don’t come out. “Look, I-I can’t say. Will you just… I don’t know…. maybe if I just had a regular exam you’d figure out what’s wrong with me?”

“Sure,” he agrees easily. “Ain’t nothin’ 'wrong with you', but sure, Fuuko. Whatever gets ya there.”

Gods, if he only knew how on the nose that is… Nothing is getting her there. That’s the problem. She can’t freaking orgasm. Never has, and odds are looking slim at this point that she ever will. She hears it’s lovely though.

As for the Zabu/Tema fic, that's an enemies to lovers pairing set in an AU where Zabuza and Haku live. Temari (an adult at this point) is investigating a series of disappearances when she comes across this asshole, Zabuza, also investigating the same thing. (Haku and Kimimaro, who he's raised, are both among the missing.) They agree to set aside their differences and work together to infiltrate this complex trafficking operation. It focuses much more on an undercover scenario than fighting.

Snip snappet:

When Zabuza finally passes through the beaded curtain doorway, Temari makes it a point to keep her breath even. Not a sigh of relief in sight, despite the tension shedding away from her shoulders. It took him long enough.

She’s doing her thing, trailing fingers down some guy’s arm so he can feel important as she smiles and finishes delivering his drink. The man thanks her with a yellowed grin and beady eyes that linger on her chest. He’s like all the rest here.

Just as she does any other night, Temari bows–smiles without teeth, appreciative and demure–and pulls back to survey the room for anyone else in need of assistance.

She locks eyes with Zabuza from across the busy, smoke-filled expanse, and a silent acknowledgement passes between them–the plan is in motion and they both have their parts to play. Fucking up in not an option, not when they’ve come this far.

The bristle of nerves Temari feels is annoying at best and she quickly tamps them down. Putting on this act in front of him is no different than anyone else. Just part of the job.

Leaning back in a plush, red velvet chair, Zabuza has his legs splayed like he owns the place. That’s perfect, because the man he’s impersonating basically does. His eyes are on her and he lazily lifts a hand, elbow still leaning on the arm of the chair, two fingers gesturing for her to bring him a drink. 

A weight on Temari’s shoulder draws her attention from Zabuza and to the familiar and unpleasant face of her ‘boss’, Sato, behind her. “That man is very important,” he murmurs, his fingers curling and digging into her clavicle. “You’ll be a good girl and take good care of him.”

Barf.

“Of course, sir.” She smiles so sweetly he can’t even tell she’s choking back bile. Moving to walk away, she finds herself halted, his hand catching her by the jaw, squishing her cheeks to pull her in close.

“When I say good, I mean very good. I mean you’ll give him anything he wants, understand, sweetheart?” he asks, the stench of his breath now in her nose and it is distinctly unforgivable. Luckily for her, the silly contortion of whatever he’s doing to her face hides her disgust. 

So silver linings, or something.

She tries to answer, “yes sir,” but finds nodding to be nominally easier, so she ends up sticking with that.

He smiles, loosening his grip and patting her cheek like maybe he thinks she’s a dog–a good one–and she half-expects him to fish a treat from his pocket and chuck it at her face. 

Instead Sato pushes a highball glass filled with premium whiskey into her hands–neat. “Take this to him.”

Again, she agrees with practiced submission and he eats it right up.

Good boy, she thinks. Despite the nasty little cretin he is, everything is going perfectly, so she can’t complain too much.

She takes the glass and feels those nerves again. They’re bubbling in her gut and they almost come out as some sort of psycho laughter. It’s difficult not to smile when she returns her gaze to Zabuza—some giddiness at their batshit plan actually working so far—but his is pitched sternly and unwavering. 

It straightens her out immediately. It’s almost intimidating, the way he’s looking at her, and she can’t help but feel like he’s playing his part a little too well.

That’s fine, she decides, because she will too.

With one whiskey in hand, she weaves her way across the room, hips swiveling and shoes clacking against bamboo floors. Her and Zabuza don’t break their stare and she notices every time it appraises her up and down.

"Sir?" she greets on her approach. “I hope this is to your liking.” Just as she’s trained, she leans in, allowing him a nice view as she touches his arm with a friendly caress.

He’s just like anyone else, she reminds herself.

Zabuza takes the drink without a word and looks at the hand she’s laid on him, then back to her face. After a long pause, he takes a sip. Temari is waiting for him to pull her onto his lap like they planned so she can discreetly go over important details with him, but of course, he is busy being an ass.

“Sir?” she prods sweetly through gritted teeth.

He takes another sip and a deep breath through his nose. “Fine,” he says on the exhale before reaching out, his hand finding the small of her back and pulling her onto his lap. He’s not exactly gentle and she stumbles into straddling him. 

There’s a flicker of a glare from her. It’s not enough to be noticed by anyone else, but it’s enough to put a smirk on his stupid face.

“You’re late.” She’s annoyed and wants an explanation, but her words don’t match the rest of her. She’s looking up at him from beneath thick lashes, blinking patiently in waiting and steadying herself against him with hands splayed and sweeping across his broad chest.

Zabuza examines her keenly. She isn’t used to being this close to him and she certainly isn’t used to him without his face wrappings. Her nerves flare once more and she hopes they don’t show. 

The corner of Zabuza’s mouth quirks up the slightest bit as he leans in slowly, nosing into her hair. “This little act of yours has gotten pretty convincing, Kuniochi,” Zabuza murmurs, mouth to her ear so no one can read his lips.

“It’s always been this convincing,” Temari counters, allowing her hips to settle just a little lower onto his. It never leaves her mind that she has eyes on her, and every move she makes must be perfect. “You just haven’t seen it before. Doesn’t bother you, does it?”

“Do I look bothered to you?” He pulls back just enough to be met with his gaze and she studies it coolly. It’s as cold and hard as his blade and his mouth pressed into a tight line—a feature she doesn’t often see, so she lingers there a moment longer.“You look as you always do,” she finally answers, tapping her index thoughtfully against his lips before allowing that fingertip to trail down to his chin and rest in the small dimple there, “so yes.”

[lakesbian]

earlier i saw some random blog with she/her pronouns in bio post about going to the gynecologist andi got confused because. i forgot that women have vaginas usually

[lesbianandstressing]

Stand up | A station 19 fanfiction

Summary: For a few weeks now, Carina has been upset about something, but won’t talk about it with Maya. The brunette has reassured Maya that it has nothing to do with her, and that she is incredibly happy. When Maya finally finds out the reason, it breaks her heart.

A/N: As most of you know, there are some very pro-life, and anti-lgbtq+ laws being passed in Italy right now. This is a fic that explores Carina’s feelings regarding that, taking place about 3 months after the firefighters ball.

Warnings: Talk of homophobia, transphobia, and pro-life people, along with abortion and a person’s right to chose. Please don’t read if not comfortable. Otherwise, happy reading :)

-

Carina has been upset for weeks.

Maya was immediately worried that she did something, but Carina assured her that it is nothing to do with Maya or their relationship. But still refused to talk to Maya about it.

So, Maya merely tried to her best to comfort her wife, despite having no clue why Carina is so upset in the first place.

Maya gently knocks on the door to Andy’s office, and the captain tells her to come in.

“Hey cap. We’re about to have lunch to celebrate Jack officially being back. Want to join?” Maya offers.

Jack has officially come back to work on desk duty, after taking five weeks off to recover from his injury at the ball. Needless to say, everyone is thrilled to have him back.

“Yeah, I’ll be down in a few.” Andy replies. Maya goes to leave, but is stopped. “Bishop? What’s going on with you?” Andy questions.

Maya sighs, before shutting the door to the office. “Can I talk to you? As your friend, and not as your lieutenant?”

Andy nods without hesitation. “Of course, we talked about this. Just because I’m captain now doesn’t mean I’m no longer your friend. Come sit.”

Maya sits down, sighing heavily. “Carina has been upset for weeks now, but won’t tell me why, just that it has nothing to do with our relationship or me. But she still refuses to say anything other than that, and I feel helpless because I don’t know how to comfort her if I don’t know what’s wrong.” She explains.

Andy nods sympathetically. “I get it. But hey, just be there for her in every way you can. You know her, you know what she will need. No matter the circumstance. Just be her loving, and caring wife.”

Maya smiles. “Thanks, Andy. You always know what to say.” Andy grins. “It’s part of my charm, Bishop. Let’s go eat.”

Maya laughs as they exit the office.

-

Maya returns home later on, finding Carina on the couch, intently reading her phone. She barely even looks up when Maya opens the door.

“Hey baby. How was work?”

Silence.

“Babe?”

Again, no answer.

“Carina?”

The brunette suddenly snaps out of her daze. “Oh, hi bambina. I didn’t hear you come in.”

Maya chuckles. “I noticed. What are you so engrossed in?”

Carina’s eyes gloss over. Maya immediately comes over to her. “Hey, talk to me. What’s going on, my love?”

Carina merely shows Maya her phone.

Maya sees an article.

Abortion bans.

Same sex marriage will become illegal.

LGBTQ+ parents will have their parental rights taken away.

LGBTQ+ people will no longer have any rights.

64.6 percent of gynecologists refusing to perform abortions.

Refusal to let LGBTQ+ parents be on their child’s birth certificates, no longer recognizing them as their real parents.

Potential banning of the english language.

All happening in Italy.

Carina’s home country. Where she was born, where she grew up, where her brother was born, where her dad and best friend Gabriella currently live.

“Oh baby.” Maya coos. “Is this why you’ve been so upset?” She asks. Carina nods in confirmation.

“When I worked in Italia, I was the only doctor within miles that would perform abortions. So many people would drive and fly miles just to see me in Sicily. There was one other doctor, but she refused to perform abortions on non-binary people and transgender men who still had biological female organs. So many transgender people came to me, begging me to give them an abortion.” Carina explains.

“Maya, we wouldn’t even be recognized as our future babies’ parents. Our marriage would no longer be legal. Our love, our devotion, and our commitment to each other wouldn’t even be recognized!” She continues, her voice becoming louder and more distressed.

“Hey, hey, hey. Take a deep breathe, baby. You’re ok, you’re safe.” Maya murmurs, bringing Carina into her arms as the older women sobs.

“Shh, my love. It’s alright, you’re with me and you’re safe. Let it out.” Maya whispers soothingly, rubbing Carina’s back and occasionally kissing her head gently.

After a few minutes, Carina’s cries dissipate into occasional whimpering. Maya continues her ministrations, combing Carina’s hair with her fingers and tickling her back to calm her down.

“I’m so sorry this is happening, my love.” Maya murmurs. Carina sits up, but still leans on Maya, wiping her tears. “Is there anything we can do, baby? Because as long as it isn’t violent, I’ll be there with you, sweetheart.” Maya promises.

“I’ll have to look into it, bambina. But for now, hold me?” Carina requests, her voice cracking and accent heavy.

Maya smiles sadly. “Always, my love. Always.”

-

“Alright. Now that I’ve said everything I needed to say, Lieutenant Bishop has requested the floor. Bishop?” Andy requests. Maya nods.

“Thank you, Cap. I appreciate you letting me speak to the team today.” Maya begins.

“As we all know, there have been many harmful laws passed regarding what people are allowed to do with their bodies. I say people because although these laws majorly affect women, we can not forget the transgender men and non-binary people who still have biologically female body parts. They are at risk too.” She explains.

“My wife is an OB, and a bringer of life. In turn, because she performs abortions, her life is always at risk. But, things are happening outside of our country that make her feel angry and heartbroken. In Italy, her home country, where she grew up, where her brother was born, and where her best friend and father currently live. Laws that will ban abortions and the necessary reproductive healthcare. 64.6 percent of gynecologists in Italy refuse to perform abortions.” She continues.

“Not only that, but LGBTQ+ Italian citizens are at a great risk. In Italy, Carina and I’s marriage would not be recognized or legal. If Montgomery became a father, as a gay man, he would not be recognized as his child’s father. Same with myself and Carina. Our rights would be taken away, and we would not be on our child’s birth certificate. Now, with that said, Carina did some research and found some Italian born Seattle citizens planning to march in protest of what is going on in their home country, along with the disgusting and dehumanizing pro-life laws going on in our country right now. It is happening tomorrow when we are all off shift. Carina and I would be incredibly honored if you all joined.” Maya finishes.

“I’ll be there, 100 percent. I know Miranda will too.” Ben replies, smiling supportively.

“Same. You and Carina are our family, I’d be honored to support.” Vic says.

“I second that.” Travis grins.

The rest of the team reply with other forms of agreement, all of them agreeing to be there.

“Thank you guys. As your former captain, I’m incredibly proud. As your friend, I am incredibly honored.” Maya grins, unshed tears in her eyes. “Cap?”

Andy squeezes Maya’s shoulder, silently supporting her friend.

“Of course, I expect that you will all be peaceful, and do no harm to yourselves, others, station 19, or SFD.” Andy says firmly.

“Yes, captain.” The team replies.

Andy nods. “19!”

“19!”

-

Maya holds her wife’s hand tightly, holding up her sign.

Her team, her family, surrounds her, along with many people, a lot of whom are of Italian descent.

She feels an arm go around her shoulders, and looks to see Vic. Holding a sign with one arm, her other around Maya.

Carina looks at her lovingly. “I love you, bambina.”

“I love you too, baby.”

-

A/N: Thank you so much for reading. And remember, you are loved, no matter what.

[theangiediary]

people you'd like to know better tag thank youu @deanwinchesterpregnant @dyed-red

Last song: Outta Time - Natalia Kills (really the whole Trouble album) ((it IS a Dean song btw))

Currently watching: I've been having a weird time with visual media recently. Saw and disliked Barbie*, saw and loved Steel Magnolias. Very casually trying to get through late seasons spn.

Currently reading: Project Hail Mary by Andy Weir. It's good, a little slow. A friend recommended it so I'm trying to get through before I see him in a couple weeks so we can talk about it.

Current obsession: uh. Kink, maybe? Honestly I haven't had a good obsession in a minute, I miss it 😔 but I'm exploring that right now. Went to a waxplay workshop earlier this week, camp later in August (if you're a east coaster and know what I'm talking about... Uh hiii 👀). Getting myself so many presents :)

Tagging: I've seen many moots hit already so taking the lame way out and saying: if you see this, consider yourself tagged!

*Barbie critique (don't read it if you liked the movie ok I'm a hater it will just upset you) ⤵️

It was fine, for an ad. By their own admission Mattel has been struggling as a business, so this- along with the theme park they're building- is to create a "Universe" rather than just physical dolls. The in-movie criticism of Mattel doing things for money doesn't it not true. Look at the sheer volume of collabs, commericals, etc that's happening.

(Same with the "if you want to make this point about not being pretty don't hire Margot Robbie!". Like, cute 🙄. You still did though.)

And as a dyke I was irritated by the treatment of 'weird Barbie'. I had bad vibes from the trailer where Kate offered the Birkenstocks as "truth" and the heels as "ignorance". And the other Barbies calling her "broken" bc she "got played with too hard".... making her only role in Dreamland to "fix" other Barbies while being sooo scary..... ew.

Which leads me to something that really irritates me: people calling this movie "queer"! No! Obviously Weird Barbie (played by a lesbian, and since it relies so heavily on star power/meta it's pretty clear what they were doing) treated poorly, and then Alan.. well. I know some Twitter Gays/Bi love to be "ooh I'm so pathetic and scared 🥺" so great rep for them, but the Kens dance being "homoerotic" after immediately following his rampant misogyny, creepiness/sexualization of Barbie, etc is not, in my opinion, good!

The second half overall was just bad. Ferrera's speech was basic (we've been saying that for 40 years. Happy for you if it you took something from it but did nothing for me). Hated the "Girlbossing through playing a bimbo honeypot" 🙄. Sarcastically grateful that Ken thought the patriarchy was horses otherwise he might have put up a fight! And don't even.. listen I was ready for Barbie not to be Confirmed trans/ace/aro, okay I'm not an idiot, put the final moment being a bait and switch- "is she going to a job interview? NO big bright smile for the gynecologist!" made me so angry. They really said "human womanhood is defined by a pussy 🙂 Please still be pretty, hairless, and happy 🙂". Are you kidding me? #feminism ????

A much better film about womanhood, growing up, and mother-daughter relationships and frankly, queer rep, is Steel Magnolias (1989). Hooo boy. Actually cried. Without spoiling it bc you should watch it, the characters actually had personalities, and conflict, and it felt like you could (and would want to) walk right into Truvy's beauty shop and be part of something. Ouiser was my favorite of course.

[0mrs-evans0]

𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐭𝐨𝐮𝐜𝐡 𝐦𝐞 𝐥𝐨𝐰𝐞𝐫, 𝐝𝐨𝐜𝐭𝐨𝐫

𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝𝐬: ~1,7k

𝐬𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲: Doctor Andy Barber is the only man who has touched you in months

𝐫𝐞𝐥𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐩: Gynecologist!Andy Barber x Married!Fem!Reader (Andy is single, imaginary au - Laurie and Jacob do not exist; Neal Logiudice is reader’s husband)

𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: (badly checked) explicit sexual content; explicit language; dub-con (kinda); cheating (reader is married); sexual tension; vaginal fingering; flirting; dirty talk; kinda bad reader?? (materialistic); pet names; squirting; (let me know if I forgot something)

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PART 2

MINORS DO NOT INTERACT!!! The warning is given, you are responsible for what you read

Your stomach began to hurt and filled up with butterflies while you were waiting for your favorite doctor. It was derogatory, but doctor Andy was the only man who has touched you in months.

Your marriage was awful in many ways, but the sex life was the worst one. Neal couldn’t even find that special spot inside of you that made you feel tingles. You couldn't find a word other than pathetic to describe your husband. You didn’t love Neal, he was a pain in the ass. Nothing else. Wearing Logiudice as the last name was your sad duty.

As a child, your mother kept telling you not to look for love in your life. The most important thing was money. Without it, even love seemed like nothing. You were grateful to her for that. She taught you how to fight for yourself and not to look at the feelings of others. It was much better because no one could hurt you. It was you who hurt.

You have to admit Mr. Barber was not bad. Gorgeous to be honest. His blue eyes, broad arms, and sexy beard. All you could do was fantasize about how it would feel between your legs, leaving a marvelous scratch.

“Mrs. Logiudice!” The assistant's voice woke you up from your trance. The little smile on her perfect, red lips. “Doctor Barber is waiting for you.”

You just smiled, too absorbed in the thought that in a moment you would be able to enjoy the sight of him. Nothing could make your day better.

You knocked lightly on the mahogany door, waiting for those two simple words.

“Come in.” His voice alone made you feel a tingling sensation in the most delicate zone. He has so much power over all your body. No one else has been able to do this.

You pushed lightly on the door to open them. Andy, as usual, was sitting at his large desk, filling some papers.

God, he was so handsome… His veiny, big hands playing with the pen between his fingers. Oh, what you would do to feel them deep inside of you. He was perfect, no one could argue with that.

“It's so nice to see you again, Mrs.Logiudice!” Andy’s bright smile would lighten any of your bad days. “Why don’t we go straight to the reason for your visit today?”

***********

Don’t get too excited. Don’t get too excited. Don’t get too excited.

You kept repeating those words in your head like a damn mantra, you tried not to pay attention to the man nearby, so as not to worsen the condition of your poor pussy. Andy was sitting between your legs, biting his bottom lip concentrating on getting ready for his work.

Holy shit, you were soaked now. Why didn’t you just back out when you first met him? It was obvious that your body would react to any contact he was making. But here you were, bare from the waist down, lying with firmly crossed legs as he dragged various equipment needed for the check-up.

You knew your pussy was impossibly wet. Your husband didn't get you so worked up in months, maybe years and here - Andy hasn't even touched you yet. You had to hold back a moan when he got closer to your bare thighs. You didn't even notice when you started to shake.

“Everything’s alright honey?” Andy obviously didn’t know what that name between his plump lips was doing to you. “If you’re not feeling alright we can move our meeting to another term.”

“No, no! I’m all good, doc.” You said with a little smile on your face. “Just nervous.”

It was true after all. You were stressed but not in the way Andy thought. You were scared that your juices would leave a stain on the towel placed on the gynecologist chair.

“If you say so…” Andy smiled, placing his gloved hand on one of your thighs, for your misfortune - so damn close to your dripping cunt. You could feel the pulsing of need bubbling in your most intimate area. “Okay…” He murmured to himself starting the examination.

Your head dropped back on the chair, there was no way back now. He was seconds away from finding out just how much excited you were to him touching you.

“Let me know if you’ll feel uncomfortable or want me to stop, okay?” You nodded at his words, feeling troublesome because of how wet your pussy was. You were trying damn hard to keep your slick from dripping onto the leather chair you were lying on.

You inhaled the deep breath you didn’t know you were holding when Andy spread your crossed legs. World seemed to slow down when he got a good look at your bare cunt. You tried to crawl back up the chair when Andy’s face was dangerously close to your core.

“Baby, you’re soaked.” You could tell the difference in his now even deeper voice. “So pretty…”

You didn’t say anything. Too embarrassed to think about something clever.

“So worked up…” He smiled to himself. “You’re this wet just for me?”

“I-uh, I…” What do you say when your gynecologist just saw your slick dripping down on his chair in his office? “It’s not, it’s not what it looks like…” You said with a shaking voice.

“Honey, in my opinion - it’s exactly what I see and think it is.” He cowed at the sore expression that showed on your face.

“Fuck!” You cursed under your breath. “I’m so sorry doctor, I’m just gonna leave and pretend like it never happened.”

You tried to stand up on your shaky legs but his strong arms pulled you down on the chair again. “How could I live with myself knowing that I left such a pretty little thing like you high and dry…”

“Doc… What do you mean?” You were screwed, you know that by the tingle that flew by your pussy at the image what that muscular man could do to you. However, you weren't some cheap whore. You weren’t sure if you wanted it that way. “I don’t…” You take a deep breath in. “I don’t think it’s a good idea.”

“Oh, honey!” You could feel his breath on your cheek. “I think it’s the best idea in my whole life” Andy purred to your ear. You could feel the waves of excitement flowing in your body, replacing the previous, budding feeling of insecurity. “Lemme just take it off of you.”

His fingers brushed your shoulder as he pulled down the strap of your tiny sundress. “Always teasing me with these little skirts of yours…” Andy kissed his way down your neck leaving little love bites from time to time. “Bet you didn’t even know what you were doing to me, did you?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, doc.” You moaned in the response. That wasn’t true. You were doing all of this on purpose, trying to make him take the initiative. Then why weren't you sure if you want him now? “I-I have a husband! I don’t think I want that…”

“You sure ‘bout that, honey?” His smile will be the death of you soon enough, you knew it. “I’m just gonna help you relax a bit”

His finger teased your clit before you even had a second to blink. He was sliding deep into your channel. “God… Andy!” You couldn’t help the moan that escaped from your mouth. It felt good after all. Your hands sliding up Andy’s chest to clutch at his shoulders. You didn’t want him to stop, not now when you were so close to cumming.

“You gotta be more quiet for me… Can you do that, baby?” Andy’s deep voice made you feel some kind of way. “Don’t want anyone to walk on us now, do you?”

You just shook your head too absorbed in the pleasure. “Just please don’t stop! Don’t stop Andy!” Your eyes rolled back as you clenched around his digit. He was stroking your walls slowly with two fingers inside of you.

Andy hummed something to himself when you practically devoured him. “You’re so tight, fuck! See how good I can make you feel?” You tipped your back to meet his now dark, lustful gaze. “Did that prick, husband of yours, ever made you feel like this?”

“No! Not even half this good!” You could have sworn Neal was able to hear your scream from his office. There was no comparison. Andy was giving you the best experience you ever had.

“Your walls are so wet and warm” He whispered into the skin of your neck. “I could come just from the feeling of them”

His confession made you shiver with anticipation. It wasn’t enough though, you started moving your hips up and down on Andy’s fingers. His other hand grabbed your throat, squeezing lightly just for you to feel who’s in charge here.

You cried out when his digit started to hit your g-spot with every thrust. The sensation made your walls throb hard. “Are you close, baby? I can feel you squeezing the shit out of me” He smirked and started to pump even with more vigor. You whimpered as you got closer and closer to your long-awaited orgasm.

“Yes, fuck yes!” He muted your cries and screams with his own mouth. Kissing you for the first time. You couldn’t hold back when the stream of juices burst out from your sore pussy. “Jesus baby, you’ve just squirted” Andy’s lips were on your again, dancing with your tongue. “Have you ever done that before?” He asked with something dangerous in his eyes.

“No...” You admitted shyly. “Just with you, Andy”

[sheafrotherdon]

Can we spare a thought for whomever has to wrangle Andy now she’s mortal and get her to a doctor’s office for vaccinations. Measles, mumps, rubella, whopping cough, diptheria, and all the shots she needs because of their travel.  If it were possible to get an Extra Large Tetanus injection Nicky, Joe, and Nile would sign her up for one.  There’s also the family conversation about why she needs a gynecologist, and what vitamin B12 is, and why they’re all wearing sunscreen now. 

[d3monslust]

𝐇𝐀𝐑𝐃𝐄𝐒𝐓 𝐓𝐎 𝐋𝐎𝐕𝐄 - 𝐀.𝐃.

𝐒𝐔𝐌𝐌𝐀𝐑𝐘: Only setting up traps for them , Andy didn't see any of this coming

𝐖𝐂 : 3,151

𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐒: pregnancy, mentions of miscarriage & abusive relationships , cheating , manipulation , violence

𝐀/𝐍 : tumblr deleted the original and I thought for couple of minutes I haven’t backed it up to the point I had a panic attack :) also I worked really hard for this , any kind of interaction is appreciated!!

////////////////June 7th 2020\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\

Every story has a happy ending , where the villain gets defeated and the heroes win , but in eden , no one could recognize the corruption and the decent. Everyone hid their darkest and filthiest desires deep down inside them , in their abyss of their souls . Andy knew that , from first hand . He was still getting to know the place , the idle juveniles laying in the sandy beaches , the laughs of the middle aged men echoing through the thickness of the trees’ leaves . A literal paradise ... with no God .

Dolan had promised his wife to keep her safe, and eventually after his decadence , he was more fazed than anything . Their inseparable form could be made out from kilometers ago, their vivid and full of life auras leaving hints of sunshine from time to time . Winning the couple of the year and being stunned was not in their plans but the did not dodge it . Until Dolan started venturing at inexcusable bars , reciprocal pink lipstick decorating one side of his neck while he reclined next to his bond , mumbling about his ambiguous accomplishments. He had her to the point , Mariah felt overwhelmed. The weight of his nifty assets , the gravitas of his clumsy , yet anticipated acts made her scream and wince .

But Mariah David Dolan , did not intend on giving up so easily , only because her husband was demonstrating his incompetent self . Haphazardly, or not , the female found herself at Sherlock’s , who fasty evaluated and corrupted all of her nasty problems . Taken the right measurements, Mariah decided to treat themselves to a dinner , the brunette averting his gaze back from his laptop to his wife. “Did something happen ?” Mariah never cooked , even at special , “crowded” occasions , she wouldn’t lay a finger at the metallic kitchenware . “No . I just though about all the work you’re recently hooked with. A nice dinner with your wife would help you blow off some steam” smirking at the fit of the last words, she left Dolan alone, drowning in his intellectually safe thoughts.

The capriciousness of the vexing atmosphere made the couple exchange some absurd looks. With Andy being the always tired one, sexual intercourse was lost long ago . “Something you would like to say ?” “No .” She went for a debate , any sort of the key for relationships , communication. If that clink unraveled , there would be no sweet salvation for the married couple . “Well , I want to say something.” Andy whispered a silent “go on” as one of their housekeepers wiped off him some of the pasta’s sauce . “I’m pregnant .” the brunette almost choked at the hear , she couldn’t be . “What ?” voice so small , the trait of vulnerability showing .

The fraction made his stomach toss and turn with anticipation, his dreams for the unknown slowly falling apart . “I’m pregnant on the 3rd month .” eyes infested with fury , the blue like sea color dissipated. “And when were you planning on telling me , hm ? When the waters would broke ? Or when the bump would start to show ? Or when you couldn’t fucking miscarriage?” his excessive, painful words ventured to withhold her insurmountable fury . Unceremoniously, his unbeatable character almost took back his sharp words , the marvel Mariah always waited for could intervene their scold and corrupt his grudge . Albeit she had cried and prayed for that baby to come , her husband didn’t yearn it .

“Did you talk to the gynecologist? Can you ?” he stated chastely , reclining his tensed back to the chair . Who could envision Andy Dolan with a child ? The reluctance became vexing , the tension had to be dwindled if she wanted to keep that inexcusable -for him- child . “Yes . We ... discussed and he said that I cannot ... get rid of it .” her unconvincingly words passed from the one ear to the other . He abruptly threw his crystal glass at the respective wall , agitating the woman to run to clean the mess . The hot , ambiguous tears wetting her cheeks . “Cant you just love me ?” she mumbled , her fasty movements elicited a cut from the sharp glass . She hissed at the pain , she wanted to resemble the perfect , sincere , housewife Andy pleased . To conquer the theme , so as to stand next to him with all her lucid pride while clutching his right hand .

And the things became even worse , chaos consuming the island , darkness drowning the residents . But the worst was Andy’s behavior shift . The unintelligible man faltered and his intriguing about his serene family faded , woefully leaving only his malice and possession . Fighting with his own demons , his rigid and virile facade came and ended up resented . The 24-hour absence of the paternal figure made the child cope with egregious insults and quarrels . Curling up in her little bed , her hands covering the ears as not to listen his beloved parents . Was her the reason they fought every night ? And as the family withered , Andy prepared to hit with sweet and sour vengeance .

“Please ...” the woman begged , the tears blocking her already blurry vision . Fatigue in her system degenerating, she tried to refrain this , but Dolan’s wrath could not be avoided . “Please what , hm ? You had a fucking debt ! Look after that damned child . And I swear to god Mariah ^ if something had happened to my daughter!” he scolded . “Oh come on ! Stop acting like you care ! You never did ... you never cared about your family .” His intimidating methods would usually work , and if not he would try for the vicious skin-to-skin contact . Slapping her and looking her terribly weak silhouette, squirming and crying under him . She remained frigid , not wanting to get that answer , Mariah ran to the basement , advancing around the marble halls like a lost puppy . Andy rubbed his stressed temple , waiting for his own kind of wonder to come and take him from this type of hell . The paradise where demons are hidden .

Andy never wanted to become one of them. That vicious, hungry, creatures . Demons . The olds said that if somebody approached the North river he would see a little red creature . A graceful , gorgeous demon . That was bullshit , demons didn't exist , his friend Michael had told him , that poor man - he had taken the subject of claiming to be the Antichrist of the end times too thick . He ended up at an asylum - good man , sick brain . “What are you thinking ?” . God , or whoever , heard him sent him his guardian angel . The nifty woman was everything he wished for . A real living angel . And that chaste, naive flirt shifted into this; whatever that was.

“Nothing to be honest . But let’s not talk about me , hmmm ?” the girl nodded heartily . Y/N had found her person , the one she could trust and never receive betrayal , the one she could cry at and talk about her insurmountable problems . Their meeting was casual - one , two drinks exchanged , some additional winks and the saccharine act of sex to help Y/N realize her feelings. When she was with him , the blithe and sybarite feeling would bloom inside her , becoming as beautiful as a sanguine rose . She chuckled at his works , could describe him as selfless ? No . But to her ... yes . Her despondent self hid his abusive and possessive persona . For her eyes and only , Andy Dolan was a god , innocent and perfect . “I wanted to ask about ... the divorce ? When are you two signing it ?” he had to be astute and answer handily . But they answer was always the same “Oh sweetheart, don’t worry . Mariah is a bit pertinacious but I’ll persuade her , okay ?” and she would fall at the trap , again .

“You’re always answering the same !” maybe today she would revolt and fortunately leave the poisonous love of Andy’s . His eyes shone dangerously, he didn’t want to do this . “Y/N’s not like Mariah” he would remind himself , but the poor girl was sticking her nose almost everywhere . “Aren’t you pleased , hm ? I took you from that fucking clinic , I helped you withdraw and this is your thank you ? I’m disappointed in you , Y/N .” his esoteric character on sight again . His cogent and invidious words caused the sentient girl spill the salty water . The male disdaining to help or comfort . “You deserve this anyway .” she stumbled back , her apprehension increasing whilst seeing him standing up from the bed . That absurdity had to stop , but he had saved her and it was her time now .

As Andy returned home , and the futile try to persuade his wife about the divorce exhausted him , he found himself at his daughter’s room . Observing her sincere and innocent moves . “Daddy ?” “Yes , Baby ?” his far-fetched sweet talk made the two smile in sync . The blonde’s smile making daddy crack . “Can I tell you something?” Andy nodded , hoping the child wouldn’t have read any of his recreational messages . “Mommy told me the reason she doesn’t want you two to break up !” his eyes lit up at her appendix . Perhaps it was the money or the child but anyway - Andy had to know . “What’s that ?” patting his lap for the girl to sit , Hera made herself comfortable at the warmth of his legs . “She said that she won’t let you fool around with every individual who has two holess.” “She said what ?!?!” “Yes , yes but what did she mean when she said “every individual with two holes .” ?” “Not now , Hera .” he quickly placed the kid down , as she sulked at her daddy’s extraordinary behavior.

By the time Andy stated the predicament , Mariah had ruminated on her terms . She should have said this , fuck she really shouldn’t . Her dull and attention-seeking words pushed her husband’s last buttons . “Are you fucking braindead ? What was that you said to my daughter ?!” she knew where that debate would end up . Condescendingly , she wrapped her arms around his neck . Her touch-starved grating amusing his carnal urges . Not wanting to dwell on the situation , Andy let it happen . Her amorous posture , the well-med hair , how didn’t he feel it coming ? Her hands traveling at his shirt’s buttons while Andy’s fingers went for her top . Discarded clothing were soon decorating the floor of their kitchen . His greed for more would eat him up one day . And he waited - patiently and calmly for that day . Her tenuous dominance caused waking up his boredom. But his prurient mind , thought otherwise.

She licked his upper lip , Andy letting her tongue slip into his mouth . The sloppy kiss turning into something more passionate, more loving . “I’ve missed this .” she mumbled in between breaths , making a smirk plaster on Dolan’s face . “I’ve missed you .” he hushed her by kissing her , the loving , lingering kiss making butterflies fly in her stomach . “Andy ?” he groaned at the call , not wanting to eye roll , he approved the question and motivated to go on . “Do you love me ?” “Yes. Only you . And no one else . I know things are hard right now but I’ll make it up to you.”

Bare bodies tangled . Two bodies in one . His hips snapped viciously at hers , hand grabbing a harmful fist of hair . Abruptly pulling it back , making Mariah hiss at the sudden contact of pain . The persona she would only see , not even Y/N , the sadistic one . Her head touching his sweaty torso , the tears in her eyes strengthening his stamina . The coil in her stomach tightened and as the loved noticed it - his hands traveled between her puffy lips , toying with her little bud . “I’m .... im-” her muffled cries interrupting her . “I know baby . Cum , cum with me .” and the coil in her belly broke synchronized with his . The addicting feeling of euphoria engulfing them both . “You did so well .” his sugary words causing her pride to rise , awaking her love for him . Just like the old times . “I love you , Mariah .” she perched at his tight embrace , inhaling his intoxicating scent . “Mhm me too .” she had to savor the moment . Mariah didn’t know what could possibly find her tomorrow .

////////////////

And as Andy distanced himself from Y/N, he kept his promise and made up the tangle. At least everything that could be fixed . The insuperable bond they created was ineffable. The somnolent love , almost dead , rose back from the dead . His pernicious and arcane self opened at his therapist . The Dolans couldn’t be happier . Apathy no longer lived between them . No invidious implication wafting around the tensed atmosphere. Just some more scarce , anticipated details and Dolan would finally fall into blithely.

Andy planted the usual good morning kiss on his wife . Excusing himself for his aimless absence on lunch and venturing to the car . The fraction of 2 to months without seeing Y/N, made him tacit. Where was the power Dolan’s hold ? He couldn’t falter, not now. He would withhold and keep things conservative. His conscience screamed no , but he shut it off , not wanting to trust his instincts . Choosing the obliviousness.

Approaching her modern like house , the cars of topical police confused his comprehension. Incompetent to walk inside , albeit he promised not to care - a part which was got circumvented - some of his worry remained to Y/N . “Officer , is she okay ?” the concern in his eyes made the blue - dressed man doubt his accusation . “Sir , are you Mr.Dolan ?” the man let his white scribbling block down , paying full attention to the brunette . “In the flesh .” two more patrols approaching, no feeling of timidity in their eyes . His envision had to be mendacious . A prosaic one , more realistic. “Andy Dolan you are arrested for the murder of Y/N Y/L/N” his conception blurred, everything changing into automatic. His eyes caught the figure of his wife talking to another police man - she wouldn’t? Would she ?

Everything happened so quickly, the metal handcuffs were clutched onto his hand, the ignominious state making him sentient. He would go to prison and there was no denial in that . At least he would leave Eden .

/////////////// Now \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\

He had learnt the news . Mariah was in all this . She had been informed about Andy’s illegal affair , not only with women but with drugs , too . On the one side, she had managed to plan her husband’s perfect suicide but the contradiction she received made her tentative. Therefore she visited the professionals . Sherlock’s beneficial - for both Mariah and him- and handily trap got Dolan arrested . They had planned everything, even the littlest detail . The plan was easy , yet complicated.

He would wake up at 7:15 a.m. as always . Head to the kitchen to make his morning coffee , catch up with Mariah who would accidentally leave the house . His phone would remind him about his last meeting with Y/N , where she would end up thing with him . Or what Mariah had decided to do for her . Y/N had left the island months ago when Mrs.Dolan appeared in her house and threatened to kill her and her soon-to-be-born child. As Andy would drive his way , Sherlock would leave his fingerprint everywhere , placing them carefully at the edges of the gun . Next step would be Y/N’s doppelgänger, nice and murdered next to the white rug .

-

The unbearable route of the dull prison . The thousand of men behind the metal bars , hungry for every kind of fight and sexual intercourse nettled his every atom . Compelling himself not to communicate with anyone , Andy , who had received a life imprisonment lost and the last bit of faith . There was no salvation for him , it never existed . “You have a letter .” the word taking him out of his dwelling thoughts. His family never sent him letters , not that they were coming . Drugs were forbidden, or that was the law applied . “Sender ?” “Unknown .” Andy wasn’t in the mood for playing games . This almost one years in prison erased all of his lenient future. Additionally, alleviating his last mendacious fantasies about life .

Taking the rigid piece of paper , the handwriting of a woman caught his attention . Refraining himself from toring it apart and throwing it to the trash can , he want for abstinence. Cutting the edges with a small knife which used to hide right down his pillow , the form a photo fall on the floor . Inhaling a piece of pure reluctance , Andy took the shiny piece of paper between his hands . The silhouettes of two girls laughing at each other quirked his eye brow . But her ineffable and disheveled beauty stopped his breath . A baby adjoining her side , made him caught the implication . The transparent eligibility to join this family causing him to incandescent. That was his child and his Y/N .

Last thing , eyes traveling at the bottom of the photo

- SHOT WITH NIKON 456 | 6/4/2021 | 7:56 p.m.

And they were alive .

////////////////////////////////////////

Tag list ; @ferndolan @brooklinn13 @lavenderahs @mllxngdonswife @kitty4860

If anyone wants to be removed or added just say it lol

[midnxghtsunwrites]

“ IT WASN'T YOUR FAULT ”

PAIRING —

andy barber x black! pregnant! reader

SUMMARY —

y/n knew something was wrong the moment she woke up with blood soaked sheets and a tightness in her chest.

WARNINGS —

this imagine will contain possibly extremely triggering content such as mentions of infertility, pregnancy irregularities, loss of pregnancy ( stillborn pregnancy ) , explicit language, sadness, and possible anxiety & depression under the cut

proceed with caution, viewer discretion is advised.

IT wasn't the cool draft of breeze flowing from the vent or the soft hum of the AC that woke you up from your sleep. It wasn't Andy shifting on his side of the bed or the loftiness of your two pillows or the fact that your bonnet slid off during the night.

What made you stir was the long forgotten sensation of something running down your inner thigh — the sinking feeling in your belly. Of course, you've felt it before when you were far from pregnant and set to start your period. Usually, however, you would have a gut feeling the night before which often prompted you to wear a pad to bed.

Tonight was different.

You stuck to just panties as pajamas since pregnancy made you hot when you're supposed to be cold and cold when you're supposed to be hot.

When you switch on the lamp on your side of the bed, Andy is spurred awake by the snap of the switch and the sudden influx of light. Since he was laying flat on his back, he just turns his head to look at you with squinted eyes, still adjusting to the brightness.

He furrows his eyebrows as he takes in the look of worry on your face. He knows you well enough to see that you're freaking out internally.

"Sweetheart, what's wrong?" He begins to sit up, "Is it the baby?"

You don't want to look. You don't want to give yourself less faith than you already have. You can't look.

You've already endured years and years of being told that you would never have a child — and the one moment of happiness you got when you found out you were pregnant with your husband's baby is being stripped away. Just like that.

"I think I'm bleeding." Your voice shakes as you speak.

Andy was always the level-headed one in the relationship. Five years of being together and three years of marriage taught you that. You've seen him through his highest highs and lowest lows — lost cases and cases that kept him up at nights. But you have never seen him so panicked at something you said.

Even though his body language screams alarm, his voice is level and calm. "Okay, let's go to the hospital. I'll call ahead."

You nod, squeezing your eyes shut in frustration, "Okay." You whisper.

THE gel is cold against your stomach, shocking you into reality. You listen for the sound of your baby's heartbeat — the one that will let you know that everything is okay.

Everyone seems to be frozen as your gynecologist shifts the wand along your smooth bump. When the room is deathly silent, the only sound to be heard is your heavy exhale, Andy shakes his head, distress on his face.

"What does this..." He can't even finish his sentence. You squeeze your eyes shut. "Why can't we hear a heartbeat?"

Dr. Moore gives her patients sympathetic glances — this is the last thing she would ever wish on any woman. "I'm sorry, Andy, Y/N. It seems... Your baby doesn't have a heartbeat."

It felt like you were struck by an entire planet. Your thought maybe you didn't hear her properly. "What?"

The doctor bows her head in shame, "I am very sorry. Your baby died in utero a couple of hours ago."

Her words seem to be blocked out as you shake you head profusely. You can't breathe, you can't see, you can't even function. You felt it.

"This cannot be happening." You mumble under your breath. This doesn't feel real. Your cheeks are stained with tears at the news.

Andy is by your side, running a hand over your hair that you barely managed to pull back before you entered the hospital. He's holding back tears, but watching you break was enough for him to allow a tear to roll down his red face.

"I'm going to give you guys some time. A nurse will be in soon to discuss your options with you. I'm sorry, Mr. and Mrs. Barber." Dr. Moore reiterates one final time before leaving you to grieve.

When she closes the door behind her, you take no time to grab on to Andy's hand and curl into him. He rests his hand on the back of your head as you sob into his shoulder.

"I know, baby. I know. I'm right here."

ANDREW was right there when the doctors induced your labor. He was right there when you had to endure a painful delivery to your baby girl. Your beautiful baby girl. He was there when you held her for the first and last time. He was there for the next week when you'd decided to stay in the hospital, needing time to come to terms with how quickly everything happened.

With just a picture of her captivating face as a memento, you guys went home. Without your baby.

You felt frozen — stuck in your mind, thinking of what it would've been like had things gone differently. You would be walking in your house with a car seat and a sleeping or babbling baby, a wide smile on your face. Andy would've been absolutely amazed at what you two had made.

Now? You don't even know how you walked out of the hospital or into the house without breaking down and getting yourself admitted into psych.

You're fixed to the threshold of the door — you couldn't move even if you wanted to, struck by a sudden wave of melancholy. All you can think of is the talks you and Andy had about your shared excitement.

"Honey." Andy's voice draws you back to earth. He's stood behind you, going through his own tide of emotions.

He couldn't even imagine the toll this is having on you.

You close your eyes and lean forward, the palms of your hands pressing against the door jamb. "I just need a minute."

"Okay." Andy nods in understanding, resorting to rubbing your back, gingerly.

Moments pass before you finally step into the house, your breathing shallow with anticipation. Andrew is close behind you, eyeing you cautiously and lovingly. He just wants to hold you, but he knows you need some time to yourself.

That's why he simply nods when you suggest that you should go take a shower and lay down.

"I'll make you some food." He tells you.

Your footsteps seem to echo against the walls seeing as you kept your shoes on. You weren't sure you had the energy to care about tracking dirt inside.

Entering the bedroom, you're overwhelmed with a surge of anger and disappointment.

The bed hadn't been touched since the night you went to the hospital and now you can see the sheet is strewn in the center of the mattress, a pool of long-since dried blood staring at you — "Fuck," You run a hand through your matted hair.

Part of you gets to scrubbing because how else would you take the nap you told Andy about? The other part wants to scrub away the reminder of that night. The panic and pure fear in your veins — in Andy's.

On your knees, sleeves rolled up, and fatigue ramming through you like a train, you attempt to wash away the painful memory. No matter how much elbow grease you put into it, the stain doesn't budge.

Thoughts flood your mind — is this a punishment? Am I getting punished for all the harmless things I've done in my life?

You press down further, sinking the springs in the mattress. The frustration is clear in your gaze — exasperated sighs escaping you. You're so caught up in your action that you don't even realize when a loud and defeated wail renders you a sobbing mess.

You don't hear Andy run up the stairs at the sound and stand at the door, eyebrows furrowed in worry and tenderness. He watches you for a second as you hunch forward and hit your hands against the bed in anger.

"I'm so sorry," You cry to no one in particular, "I should've known something or done something — I should've taken more care of you."

Tears gather in your husband's eyes as he hears your words. He wastes no time in stepping towards you and resting a hand on your shoulder. You flinch slightly, not expecting Andy to have heard you.

You can't even look at him, so disappointed and ashamed of yourself that you can't gather the courage to look your husband in the eye.

"Y/N, come here." He gently goads you to stand, his hand warm on your shoulder. When you rise to your feet, Andy pulls you into him, not caring about the snot or tears that transfer from your face to his t-shirt. He rubs a hand down your back and another over your hair and sniffles, "Don't you dare blame yourself for what happened. It wasn't your fault."

In that moment, his words meant nothing to you. They just drowned under the grief you were experiencing. It was only during the silent night when you two were laying on the couch of the living room after dumping your mattress that you realized how much his words meant to you.

With your head resting on his chest, you crane your neck up and gaze at him, watching as he stares up at the ceiling in thought.

"Andrew?" You whisper, voice cracking after hours of weeping.

He shifts his gaze to you, giving you his full attention. "Hmm?"

You take in his blue eyes which have seemed to lose its sparkle. "I love you."

He presses a sweet kiss to your lips, layered in salty tears, "I love you too."

general taglist : @gwenspacy @dollyhoess @complacentviawattpad @rosenoirwrites @random-ficreader23

let me know if you would like to join my general taglist! feel free to like, comment, and reblog! <33

[sylvie-writes]

Four weddings was AMAZING!!!!

Can I request the reader telling Andy she’s pregnant seeing his reaction?

Dumbfounded Drew

a/n: yes, I’ve run out of titles. thanks for this request, I love love love it. and ahhh thanks once more!

Lately, you’ve felt nothing like yourself, always tired and a constant headache here and there. Then, cue the nausea and Andy was soon begging for you to visit the doctor. After being stubborn for some time, you finally listened to your husband and had made an appointment for today, specifically while Andy was at work.

When you had arrived and spoke to the doctor that morning, she asked your symptoms and you listed them once more. Nodding her head, she requested that you take a urine test and at the time, you thought nothing of it, thinking it was just a mere common procedure. After a few minutes had passed, the doctor came back in and you had expected that she'd ordered some more tests and whatnot, but instead five words left her mouth, ones you hadn’t anticipated.

“Congratulations, Mrs. Barber! You’re pregnant!”

Her words went in one ear and out the other as you tried to comprehend what had just happened. You were very confused, but happy nonetheless. It’s not like you and Andy had been actively trying for a baby, but it wasn’t a bad thing if it were to happen.

The doctor talked with you once more, recommending a few gynecologist docs and how to handle your symptoms for now. Eventually, your visit ended and you left the office, a large smile on your face and an even bigger plan in your mind.

It was around noon already and you were growing quite hungry, not having an appetite for the last couple of days. You stopped at the grocery store to pick up two mini salad kits, hoping to go visit Andy for lunch at his office.

After your quick trip, you made it to Andy’s workplace, politely greeting the people who knew you. Stella, who worked the desk, led you back towards the office where you saw Andy and Lynn chatting over the manila file in his hand. You thanked the young girl who scurried back to her desk, many people already in line during her absence. Once Andy saw you, he waved you over, bidding goodbye to Lynn who greeted you as she passed.

He placed a hand on your bicep, leaning in to kiss your cheek.

“How’d your appointment go, honey?”

Andy walked towards his office and you followed. The man tidied up his desk, making room for you to set down the salads and drinks. He pulled a chair around to his side of the desk, allowing you to sit beside him.

“It went better than expected.”

You smiled, looking down as you fixed your own salad. Apparently, Andy was doing the same, except he was examining your small smile, a bit confused about it.

“Hmmm. Does it have anything to do with that pretty smile of yours?”

Peering up from your salad, you watched Andy pop a piece of lettuce into his mouth, quickly setting down the fork as you began to speak.

“It does,” you reached out for his hand, holding it in your lap, making the man worry for the worse.

“Honey, what’s going on?”

His expression turned distressed and you quickly shook your head. You set your salad on the desk, getting up to sit in Andy’s lap as he mimicked your actions with his own salad.

Placing a hand on his bearded face, you kissed his nose, Andy’s forehead wrinkling in delight.

“We’re expecting, Drew.”

His jaw went slack and he instantly stood from his chair, you going up with him. You couldn’t read his reaction until he beamed brightly.

Your husband slowly unbuttoned your trench coat, slipping it away from your front half. Gently, he pushed you to sit on his desk, then lifted up your shirt, just for a peek of your tummy to show. You giggled at the touch of his cold hands on your sides and when warm lips met your stomach, even though a bump was yet to form.

Andy then straightened up, wrapping his arms around you for a hug, making you stand to your feet once more. His face was in your neck and you felt a few warm tears, presumably happy ones, from the man. You lovingly squeezed your arms around his waist.

Just as you were about to kiss Andy, you heard a sudden shout of congratulations, followed with a round of applause. Curious, you looked to Andy’s office windows, which were left open, unbeknownst to you.

All of a sudden, you felt heat rise to your cheek as the whole office staff just saw you and Andy. You shoved your head into the junction of his neck, while the man just comfortingly rocked you back and forth, laughing deeply and waving thanks to his coworkers who then scurried away.

[dontremembermejust]

Station 19 Incorrect Quotes from Grey's Anatomy (pt. 23)

[Andy @ the gynecologist because of a Poison Oak incident]

Carina: Mind if I ask... How exactly did you...How did this happen-?

Andy: I slept with Sullivan!

Carina: Oh. And he had poison oak-?

Andy: No! I slept with Sullivan a year ago and apparently this is what I get!

Carina: Yeah...

[mayabishopapologist]

station 19 - season 4, etc

this is long but i want to put down my thoughts before thursday comes and i guess i have A Lot To Say.

honestly didn’t pay much attention to this show until halfway through season two—  always liked maya and was glad that they gave her more to do. going into season 3, i was excited for more character development &stronger storylines. however, by the end of  301 the dip in quality was glaringly obvious. a quick google search revealed that there was a new showrunner and, well, it showed. 

while the show had been going in a really good direction with balancing the screen time between andy and the other regulars, this season, the plot was all over the place. it was uber dramatic and just. so much happened just to happen? seemed like every other episode had a major event(deaths alone; ryan,rigo,pruitt?!!?). they were so frequent, it was hard to process. it was also hard to get invested as the characters themselves moved on(or were shown to have moved on, extremely quickly!) 

i enjoy the show for what it is and i have no delusions about broadcast tv shows (or shondaland productions, for that matter)but the suspension of disbelief.... i mean: a stabbing, a robbery, a shooting and a car crash? all in one episode? please! lmaooooo. drama for dramas sake is always boring and weakens the story.  

& as for the characters... .

everyone felt like a hollow version of themselves this season and it was hard to watch sometimes, actually. characters switched motivations /personalities for the sake of the current episode and i know this show is very ‘monster/emergency of the week’ but. some consistency! please! like—

maya: she’s always been determined and focused but they went so far with it this season, it was almost cartoonish. her competitiveness was hinted at in season 2 but she was always portrayed as self aware. ‘the beast,’ as she dubbed it to andy, was something she knew of and tried to contain, because she knew it could get out of hand. 

yet, in season 3 she suddenly forgets this and just. becomes the most power hungry/singularly focused person, ever. she goes after the captain position behind andy’s back, (citing andy’s emotional state, because of the death of her best friend as a reason she shouldn’t get the job?? huh. since when is maya this purely callous??!) she just doesn’t give af, suddenly, about andy at all, and goes for a job that she is hardly qualified for(she was lieutenant for like, a few months?)

and then after she gets the position, she just. loses all sense of reality? literally she was so unhinged(fun to watch but so much) and it was like. um?? maya has never been the uptight one (they've mentioned and depicted andy as being the one like this, multiple times!) and we know she knows how to have fun, so, for her to all of a sudden just. not know how to read the room? yeah okay. to make her so intense and severe, especially w the drills and training was, a choice. a bad one, on the writers part. like, i get that they needed her start as captain to be dramatic or whatever,  but there were ways to do that. and even the animosity with the team and her went so far, i just think that whole storyline was amazingly lazy, honestly.  

and the friendships!! andy and maya’s friendship is just, a mess. at this point they've spent more time at odds, and the idea that they're supposed to be best friends with this super close bond? yeah, i just... i dont buy it tbh. if they'd spent more time building up their connections and making us understand why they would be friends and showing them being there for each other past a few scattered scenes her and there? maybe. but so far, that hasn't been the case.  making that bond real, solidifying that friendship, would have made this conflict have more of an emotional impact. but doing it now? making maya ‘turn’ on andy, this soon and this drastically just. it made her seem like she was extremely jealous and had been waiting to pull the rug out from under andy all along. and also, why would they stay friends when, so far, maya has showed, time and time again, that she’s willing to let her wants/ambitions leech on her loyalty to andy? (jack thing, job thing, etc). although, it’s not like andy’s a good friend to maya either, she’s selfish and seems to like it when maya is in her corner but isnt always there for her. they went so far with the idea that maya was this coldly calculating asshole that she was almost a villain?? it was so silly to me.

and the traumatic home life plot they gave to maya was clearly their attempt at some adding nuance to her character and trying to explain why she would act the way she did, but to me? it fell flat. it was rushed, and they went from zero to 100(why did her mother come to talk about her divorce/abuse at maya’s job? like she was literally working? idgi. no boundaries lmaoo) 

and i actually relate and sympathize w maya a lot. and while i liked that they were exploring the many ways abuse can present itself, it was very... hm, ham-fisted. just super rushed and then wrapped up so quickly. they have, i think, written themselves into this dark place i fear they have no intention of exploring. 

and while i understand it, i hated how far they let maya go, especially because i don't feel they’ll adequately address it. they move on so quickly( maya was deaf for like half a season and then. she just. wasn't) and i hate the idea of her just being ‘fixed’. a relationship and an apology doesn't undo years of abuse, idc. also will they ever address maya’s um, thoughts about death??? because that was super heavy and not just something someone gets over? going to need for her to get actual professional help. that isn’t her girlfriend, like. asap. 

speaking of carina, i do like her and maya together a lot. big part of why i watch, ngl. but i need their relationship to be a lot more reciprocal. like, lets dial it back on the codependency, maybe. carina cant (and shouldn't have to) hold her up so much ! that’s not love. also maya needs to start being a good girlfriend. they started off that way, i know they can get back there. but like, we hardly got to see them settle into it, we got those cute 30sec clips of sweetness then maya was lashing out and cheating and it was like. wait a minute! what??? 

for s4, i want to see them working at reconciling—im talking, groveling, awkward in-between moments where carina isnt sure she can trust her. okay, tough conversations, hell, even jealousy because let's be real. maya working with jack is a lot for carina to just. take? i know i absolutely would not be happy about that, but i also wouldnt take maya back so... anyway! brushing over that would not just be a missed storytelling opportunity, but it would also be super unfair to carina and do a huge disservice to their relationship as a whole. as cute as they are, having cute moments with no real depth would get very old, very quickly.

carina: what can i say but-perfect, amazing, fantastic, WOW

seriously, carina is almost unrealistically perfect. she takes a lot and has been through the most (can they be nice 2 her this season? like just for fun) going forward, im going to need her to be more than a plot device to calm and soothe maya. i get that she was introduced as a love interest, but in season 4(as a season!!regular!!) that cant be all she is.

speaking of, it was really weird to me that she was promoted to station 19 and not greys because... what is a gynecologist going to do at a fire station? the general consensus seems to be that she’ll join warren’s PRT but like. she’s not a general surgeon so that’s a reach but, i want her around so ill buy it. i just want better and more for her tbh. not just screen-time, but also character development and depth! also friends! tired of carina being isolated, they did it on greys which. a waste! i meaaan, amelia was RIGHT. THERE. just look at the material! for s19, i want her, vic and travis to be friends or even just her and vic, like yesplease! i also want to know more about her and im tired of her being treated badly. like, i think society had progressed past carina being shitted on, thanks!

vic: my fave!!! they did so lazy by her this season ugh. she’s so charismatic and charming and just so good!! yet, her storyline was all over the place. we hardly got to see her sit with her grief  (spontaneous crying aside; barrett doss is so good!) she was just kind of... around. and that relationship w jackson. lol. it was so obviously for crossover potential and well. i didnt hate it or like it. actually, i was mostly indifferent. bored, even when they were onscreen together. i just didn't care and wanted more of vic, not vic and whoever. i know they're up in the air rn but i wouldn’t be torn up if he doesn’t come back. 

i want more for vic past just romantic entanglements. i know we’ve gotten a bit of her past, but i would like to see more! also, what about employment accomplishments? her artsy theatre friends? her family? just. more vic, please!!

she’s so fun and cool and when they let her, she shines. they need to let her! 

jack: my boy! so dumb, but i love him sm. he def needs like. major help, though lmao. and maybe it’s just me but im tired of his sex addict plot. like, we get it, but can we move on now? kthanks. they need to let him work on himself especially, the constant self sabotage. it's getting old. for ALL of them, actually, seriously, how many times can they all get in their own way.

andy: don’t really think about her. the mom storyline seems like it would be wonderfully dramatic, im intrigued. she and sullivan are cute, i guess. hope they make it.

ben: no major issues w his storyline, hardly remember it honestly. i liked the rapport he was building w vic and want them to explore that relationship more, its cute. 

travis: so funny and adorable, let him do more.

dean: loved him in all his entitled first born African son glory. i didnt so much love the baby plot but that always bores me. his sudden love for vic though. lol. since when? it def, came out of no where and while i really enjoy their friendship, to me, there is zero romantic chemistry there so i would prefer it if they just. stopped. lmao. also. the way he treated her because he could get a handle on his emotions? ridiculous. has humanity not like, gotten past the ‘he’s mean bc he likes you’ thing?? like grow up maybe?

and this isnt just about dean but like. are there not more single young people in seattle? why do they all have to sleep with the same 5 people. ik for the sake of plot, workplace relationships are easier but still. i think they should branch out. really. 

overall, i want better for all of them, and i think if the writers would just. take a moment and stop trying to tell so many stories in such little time, they could do better! also, whoever’s out there. please, enough w the crossovers! dont want to be forced to watch greys just to know what’s happening on 19. i get that they're in the same universe. it’s only mentioned every other episode. we. get, it. i liked what they did with private practice, it was like once every few seasons. and i know they won’t do that, but maybe, two a season. 

this is so much. but this how does have a ton of potential and i just really want it . like, get there.

[purplesurveys]

1198

Have you ever bought a YouTuber’s merch?  No. Most of the merch that had been put out when I was still into YouTubers were always underwhelming and overpriced, anyway.

Do you think oatmeal tastes better when made with water or milk?  Eugh, I don’t like oatmeal. Ate it everyday for breakfast as a kid and I just want nothing to do with anymore.

Have you ever left a note in a library book?  No. I’m pretty sure that counted as vandalism or at least under some kind of violation, so I never did anything to my borrowed books beyond reading them.

What time of day do you prefer to wash your hair?  There’s no time of day for me; I just wash it whenever I feel like showering.

Has anyone ever spread lies about you?  Just a couple times when I was in like middle school but it was all very superficial stuff that I never think about.

Have you ever taken a photograph with a celebrity? If so, did it turn out the way you wanted, or do you wish you could retake it?  Nah. I freak out about the idea of meeting celebrities and always turn down or pass up any opportunity I get lmao. I don’t handle nervousness well so I don’t trust myself to be able to behave or speak properly.

If you could move out of your home country permanently, would you? If so, where would you go?  Yeah, anything to get out of this shithole. I’d love to move to Canada.

Is there a celebrity that everyone else seems to love, but you find totally overrated? Why is it that you don’t like them?  Taylor Swift. Her music’s just never fallen under my personal preferences, but I don’t actively hate on her or bash her when there’s been no reason to.

If you could volunteer for any charity, which one would you choose? Do you think it’s more important to help humans, or are animal and environmental charities equally important?  I don’t think acts of charity should be compared. Personally though, I tend to lean towards causes for animals.

Do you prefer holidays where you relax, or actually do things? My family alwaysssssss makes sure our itineraries are absolutely packed when we go on vacations. Seems like a waste of money to travel to a new place just to stay holed up in our hotel room.

Do you think that after we die our spirit is still alive?  No, I don’t believe in those to begin with.

Has anybody ever told you that you could be a model? Yeah, usually because of my build. I hate posing and being in front of a camera, though.

Do you use different kinds of moisturizer for different body parts? ie. hand lotion for your hands, face cream for your face. Or do you just use one moisturizer for all body parts?  I don’t use skincare products, though I should probably start because my skin is finally biting me in the ass and giving me breakouts 23 years later lol.

Have you ever felt like you were someone’s rebound? Nope.

Has anybody ever broken up with you over something really pathetic? What was it? Have you ever been dumped in a disrespectful way? (eg. through text, through a friend..)  I wouldn’t say it was over something pathetic. She had her reasons and I respect that. Doesn’t mean I can’t resent her.

Did you have a lot of role models as a kid?  Not really.

Do you feel like anyone looks up to you? Why or why not? I don’t know, but this isn’t a compliment I get a lot either. I don’t actively try to be a role model, so I don’t care about maintaining such an image.

What was the last thing you found offensive? My mom often throws around subtle homophobic remarks in passing. She knows I hate them because I shoot her a glare every time she does it, but for some reason she never learns...

Who is the nicest person you know?  Angela.

Do you feel safe in your country?  In a country where the president is a blatant liar, misogynist, has anger and cursing issues, and enables extrajudicial killings? Safety is a dream here.

Do you feel safe where you live?  Very technically speaking, yeah I do since it’s a gated village so nothing ever happens here.

Have you been falsely diagnosed with something by a bad doctor?  Not necessarily misdiagnosed, but I’m pretty sure I was prescribed the wrong set of medicines for my UTI last year...nothing came out of taking those pills and I felt just as sick (and dead) as I was after a couple of days. The only reason I got better was Angels’s mom is a doctor and gave me the right meds to take, which worked on me within a couple of hours.

Have you ever had a doctor refuse to treat you?  No.

Name the strangest game you’ve ever played (video game or real game): WarioWare is suuuuuuuch a weird game haha. Doesn’t stop me from enjoying it, though.

Do you know anyone who has been struck by lightning before?  Not that I know of.

Which cartoon character would you want to keep as a pet? Gary from Spongebob.

Do you like marshmallows?  Haaaaaaaate them. I never got used to its weird, sticky texture so I always take them out when they’re included in like drinks and desserts.

What is your favorite flavor of candy cane?  I don’t consume candy canes much. Too sweet.

Have you ever fostered an animal?  Nope.

Do you still take hot showers when it’s hot out?  No, I want the water to be as cold as possible.

When writing $ sign, do you draw one line through the S or two?  I do two, though I rarely have any reason to write down the dollar sign in general.

What animal have you always wanted as a pet but couldn’t have?  We weren’t allowed to have dogs as kids because we “wouldn’t be able to take care of them” – which they were right about, anyway. But we have two now, so it all worked out in the end.

List three people you’ve had crushes on:  Gabie, Andi...and that’s it, really.

Have you ever thrown up from cramps?  No. Fortunately my period cramps have never been that bad, and the only time they can be a headache is if they’re the leg crampjp that sends me waking up in the middle of the night.

List three people you had a hard time forgiving.  I don’t really forgive. If someone fucks up badly enough that I feel the need to cut them off, that’s pretty much it for me.

Who is the most spiritual person you know?  I don’t know.

Would you ever start a vlog?  Sure. I’ve always wanted to try it, but I don’t have a decent vlogging camera and am not invested enough in the venture to spend on one. In general I’m also not comfortable being in front of the camera, as I’ve already shared several times here. Vlogging does look fun though, and I definitely would’ve already given it a shot if only I felt more comfortable.

Are your dreams coming true yet?  Some of the short-term ones, sure.

Do you struggle with depression?  I go through phases of it, but I’ve never been formally diagnosed just because I’ve never booked a trip to the psychiatrist.

Are you haunted by your past?  No

What medical conditions do you have?  Do scoliosis and lactose intolerance count? Those are the main issues I have.

Do you use a Magic Bullet?  Why did I think this was a vibrator...? Anyway, I looked it up and no, I’ve never used one.

What does your apron look like?  I’ve never had to use one regularly.

What are your favorite spicy foods?  Curry, tteokbokki, ramen, samgyeopsal with ssamjang, spicy fried chicken.

Which do you like better: being an adult or being a kid?  Being an adult has a lot more freedom to it even though I have to go through heavier and deeper shit, so it’s still more worth it to me.

Were you excited to be a teenager on your thirteenth birthday?  I was heavily depressed back then, and was for a while, so I didn’t have any feelings about turning 13. I don’t even remember my birthdays up until the 15th.

Did you feel insecure in high school?  In the first half, yeah. But I started opening up more and gaining friends by junior year, so at that point I wasn’t feeling too shy anymore.

Would you ever be friends with someone who was suicidal?  I hate this question that I am simply ignoring it.

Who was the biggest bully in high school?  My school didn’t tolerate bullies so no one ever dared to be one, in the grand scheme of things. But back in kindergarten Kaira used to love targeting me - she was my big bully before she became my friend, lol.

What was your favorite class in high school? History, of course. I personally didn’t like literature but I enjoyed English classes, just because it was easy and was a guaranteed A+ in my report card.

Would you rather have a daughter or a son?  Daughter. 

Have you ever written to an advice columnist? Nope.

Have you ever had a doctor not believe what you told him?  Not really, but I’ve had a doctor be a total asshole towards me before.

If you’re female, would you feel uncomfortable having a male gynecologist?  No.

Do you like Lisa Frank?  No.

What gives you nightmares?  I don’t really get nightmares.

Were you ever hospitalized as a child?  Nope. I was hospitalized one time, and I had been 11 then.

Did you get senior pictures taken?  Yeah, for both high school and college.

What color is your bicycle? The family bike is blue and silver. Not that I could ride it, lol.

Did you ever have to take home a fake baby in health class?  No...is that a practice in other schools? That’s so weird if it was.

Would you rather wear ivory or white on your wedding day? What color will your bridesmaids wear?  White. Ivory can be for the bridesmaids, actually.

Would you rather have a swimming pool or trampoline?  Swimming pool. Trampolines are neat, but I would get bored of them so quickly.

Do you think babies are cute? For the most part yes, the only exception being if I have to be exposed with a baby/toddler that is prone to screech-crying. My patience is an extremely thin line when it comes to children like that lol and I FEEL BAD for feeling like so... but I just can’t deal with harsh sounds like that one.

Do you dream about the future a lot?  I guess I daydream sometimes but it’s nothing obsessive.

Do you think about your past a lot?  I’ll daydream or feel resentful sometimes, depending on what or who I’m thinking about lol. But I don’t stay in the past for too long.

How good are you at living in the moment?  I’m a lot better at it. It’s nice to be in the now.

Have you ever questioned God’s existence?  I did starting when I was 10, and I also disowned my religion by that time.

Vanilla frosting or chocolate? Chocolate foreverrrrr.

What’s your favorite foreign cuisine?  It’s always a three-way tie among Indian, Malaysian, and Thai.

Have you ever moved to another state?  No. We don’t even live in states.

Did you do anything productive today?  Well I had work today, so yeah I’d say I was. I had two meetings and worked on a bunch of spreadsheets and decks, so it was a pretty productive day.

Can you say the alphabet backwards?  Nope.

Do you like flowers?  Sure, but I’m not obsessed. It always feels nice to receive them, though.

Have you ever thought you were gonna die?  Every single time I get catcalled by men I always have the fear that they’d go all the way and drag me away to my death. That’s why I’m usually in shock whenever it happens and I’m never able to retort.

What kind of mood are you in today?  Super relieved because it’s Friday. A bit guilty because I had Starbucks delivered when I had already spent a lot this week, but I keep telling myself I deserve it after working all week haha. I just wanna enjoy my coffee and salmon dill sandwich in peace lmaooooo

What are you craving right now?  This salmon sandwich I ordered, so I’m hella glad I got it.

Is there anyone you would seriously punch right now if you had the chance?  Maybe shove, but not punch.

What is worse, physical or emotional pain?  Physical. My pain tolerance is extremely low, lol.

Have you ever walked in on somebody doing something… questionable? I don’t think I have.

If you were to make videos on YouTube, what would they be of?  I think just doing the trendy games like the Lie Detector game would be fun haha. I wouldn’t take it too seriously.

Posting pictures of yourself in a bathing suit on the internet - ok or not? ...It’s 2021.

Do you typically laugh when somebody falls down?  If it’s a close friend or a relative I’m close with, yeah. Anyone else I would immediately try to help.

What is the most disturbing movie you’ve ever watched?  Eraserhead or Under the Skin, which I didn’t even bother finishing.

Your opinion of Katy Perry, please?  I like her older songs.

If you could say anything to your Mom right now… what would it be?  Stop acting like a brat when you don’t get your way. You’re literally reaching 50.

[blodkru]

Personal News

I've been debating whether or not to post anything personal lately because 1) No one ever sees it and 2) I doubt anyone like seriously cares much. But I've been thinking about this a lot lately and I just need to vent. I got some not so great news from doctors and I'm not even sure I'm processing it correctly if at all. 

Warning for talk of surgery, female reproductive systems, periods, vaginas, etc.

On January 2nd of this year I went to my doctor for my first ever pap smear. It wasn't fun, brought up a lot of memories I try to repress, and left me feeling gross for days. My doctor was so sweet and kind and let me go at my own pace and eventually everything came back normal. Except one thing.

During the exam my doctor asked multiple times if I was sexually active (I'm not) with anyone with a penis (definitely not) even if it's not my partner (absolutely fucking not). I asked why she kept asking at the end of the exam and it went like this:

Me: I swear I haven't had sex in almost four years.

Doc: Andy, I want you to know I believe you but I had to keep asking because something came up irregular.

Me:...like what?

Doc: Your stomach is slightly distended and uterus about the size of someone 10 weeks pregnant. You said you thought you were getting fat but I don't think that's it. It could be nothing but I want you to get an ultrasound done.

So I got one done. Two actually. There's two different kinds and on January 23rd I got them both done. The results were something was blocking the machine from seeing my ovaries or uterus. The technician assured me it wasn't some kind of immaculate conception but they couldn't exactly tell what it was. They sent in an order for an MRI.

I got the MRI done February 28th (don't ask why it took so long). The whole experience went fine except the MRI machine sounded like bad techno music and I was not about it. I did get a 10 minute nap in though. That was done and I waited about 5 days for the results.

Meanwhile I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia. AND somehow got tonsillitis and the antibiotics for them were kicking my ass (thank goddess they worked).

The results were there are two "masses" on my ovaries. The doctor said they were likely teratomas which are basically germ cells in the ovaries that mutated or something and created masses. They were not fetus' or life. Just clumps of cells that funny enough could grow teeth or hair (science is fucking wild yo). The doctor told me normally they would go with hormone therapy as a first option but due to me being on hormones since I was 18 and this still happened, I would need to come in and speak to a gynecologist about the next step.

I went to the GYN this past Tuesday (March 10th). I found out the masses were definitely teratomas. If I had to guess sizing, I would say a little bigger than a gold ball. There was no certainty if they were benign or malignant until they were removed and sent to pathology. That's right.

Removed.

Now I was prepared for this. I had done some research and figured I would need surgery. I had seen the most common surgery for this is called laparoscopic (I think) which is two small incisions where one scope goes in and the other is for taking out (yeeting) the teratomas. This is what I thought I'd be having and I was like "no problem, I get 2-3 weeks off work and get to take some pain killers. It's whatever". It was in fact not whatever.

The teratomas are too big to be removed that way. And they're still growing so there is no not taking them out. The doctor told me the stomach pain I've been having for a year now were likely from my other organs having to move or reposition to fit these in my body. And why I gained 10 lbs so quickly (I put on weight like the average person but there was a hot minute where I worked out and ate super clean and gained 10 lbs of not muscle). I have to have them removed and it's gonna be an open surgery.

The best way to describe it is like a C-Section. One cut about the length of my hand right across my lower abdomen. I'll be admitted to the hospital for 3 days. Recovery time is 4-6 weeks if everything goes well. And honestly I'm scared.

I've had pneumonia and tonsillitis and been on antibiotics twice in six months so I know my body is kind of exhausted right now. I'm more than sure the surgery will go fine but once I leave the hospital who knows what will happen. I'm terrified of losing my job (yes, my boss has assured me my job is not in jeopardy) and being a hindrance on everyone. I'm the person everyone goes to when they need someone or thing. My mom is in the hospital right now and if anything happens to her, no one else can get to her quickly.

I had planned to visit my godson and family I haven't seen in a year May 1st-4th. That will likely not happen now as it's right in the middle of my recovery period.

I'm terrified of something going wrong and I can't fix it.

I have a meeting on the 17th with the surgeon who will be doing my surgery. I'm told she's one of the best and very kind. I really wish that calmed my nerves. My partner is wonderful and doing everything to keep me calm and okay but I feel like a burden to them. My sister is planning to take a week off work to stay with me during recovery. My awesome coworker is offering to grocery shop or check in on me if no one else can. Even my mom is offering to let me stay with her since she'll also be housebound for a while. I have all this support and I feel like a burden or I should go it alone.

I can't stop looking at my stomach and wanting to cry and thinking "my own body can't give me a damn break".

My surgery is April 6th. Let's see how it goes.

[0mrs-evans0]

𝐰𝐞 𝐜𝐚𝐧 𝐞𝐬𝐜𝐚𝐩𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐬𝐢𝐝𝐞

𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝𝐬: ~2,3k

𝐬𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲: You couldn’t keep the truth from your husband forever, right? He wasn’t as stupid as you thought after all, just too aggressive

𝐫𝐞𝐥𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐩: Gynecologist!Andy Barber x Married!Fem!Reader (Andy is single, imaginary au - Laurie and Jacob do not exist; Neal Logiudice is reader’s husband)

𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: (badly checked) explicit sexual content; explicit language; pussy slapping (two times); degradation??; disrespect and aggression against woman (because of Neal); some angst; some fluff; it’s a rollercoaster of emotions; some smut; vaginal fingering; (let me know if I forgot something)

This is part 2 of my 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐭𝐨𝐮𝐜𝐡 𝐦𝐞 𝐥𝐨𝐰𝐞𝐫, 𝐝𝐨𝐜𝐭𝐨𝐫

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(badly checked; all mistakes are mine)

MINORS DO NOT INTERACT!!! The warning is given, you are responsible for what you read

(not my gif; all rights to the creator)

“Say you’re only mine!” Andy demanded. Today wasn’t the day for you to play with his commands. He was pissed and needed you to ease some of his nerves.

His hips were slumming against you, his hands on both your sides - making sure to leave some bruises. “Say it or I’m not gonna let you cum!” Andy was in total control, only one his move and you would be left high and dry.

The warning was enough for you to fully submit to your doctor. “I’m only yours!” You moaned loudly. “You know that I don’t need anyone but you. All yours, Andy.” You kissed his shoulder, leaving small love bites after that. You wanted nothing else but to mark him, show everyone that he was yours. Andy stole your breath with a desperate kiss.

“You better mean it, sweet girl!” The domination was still visible in his darkened eyes. “Because once I’m done with you, you’ll be broke for any other man. Even your prick of a husband!”

Andy’s words did something twisted to your pleasure, making you even more desperate for him. His cock thrusting in and out of your pussy at an extremely slow pace. You moaned his name, dissatisfied because of his teasing behaviour.

“Just make me cum already!” Impatience took the better of you. “All you do is talk shit! I want to cum!”

The unexpected hit to your clit made you whimper for the entire room. “You want to be a fucking cunt?!” Andy gives another slap to your tender core. “Perhaps I shouldn’t let you get to climax at all?” His voice was mischievous. “Or maybe, I’ll be edging you all night long?” He smirked at your unpleasant facial expression. “How does it sound for you, sweetheart?”

“No, please!” You were so desperate to cum that you would do anything. “I need to cum so bad!” Yours pleases only added to his ego, making him even harder just for you. “I’m sorry… I’m so sorry!”

Andy kissed your sweaty forehead. Whispering sweet nothing into your ear. “That’s okay, baby. I know you’re not thinking straight when my cock is stretching your tight little pussy.” He laughed at you slightly, avidly watching the way your swollen lips was taking him further and further. You were such a good girl for him after all.

“Andy…” You moaned his name out loud. “Please…” He was so turned on because of the little noises you were making, couldn’t stop himself but kiss every square he was able to reach of your beautiful body.

And just like that… You were overwhelmed with all the feelings your favourite doctor was giving you. He made you feel so good. No one before him was able to do that. The pleasure came crashing back down your whole body. You had pretended long enough, and now - that you have all you needed you weren’t the one to give it up.

Andy collapsed beside you on the bed. “You did so well for me, baby!” He kissed you right after his praise.

--------------------------- (some time after) ---------------------------

“Can you explain to me, why half of my payment goes to the private seasons with some doctor?” Neal growled through his clenched teeth. He was at the end of his endurance. “I’m not working so hard for you to spend all my money on checking your fucking cunt!”

You weren’t prepared for him to yell at you right after he came back from his work delegation.

“What the fuck is your problem?” You had enough of his shit, couldn’t stand him any longer. “You have an issue with me taking care of my health?! Are you out of your mind?!”

“I’m the one crazy?!” He shouted right in your face, you could feel his breath on your cheek. “Don’t for one minute think that you have any right to yell in my house! You haven't earned a damn penny in your whole life!”

Neal’s right hand rambled to grab your neck. It wasn’t the pleasant way when Andy was choking you. Your husband wanted to show you that he was the one in charge, wanted to scare you. And you were terrified.

“You stupid bitch!” His fingers were digging into your skin, you knew right then that there would be bruises the next day. “You think I’m stupid?! I knew from the start that you are a fucking whore!”

“What are assuming me of?” You could barely speak. The pressure Neal was making was almost too much for you to handle. “Stop! You’re hurting me…”

“Good!” He yelled. “Are you so dumb? You’re cheating on me you fucking whore! Maybe I have some venereal disease because of you!”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about!” He let go of your throat then, making you fall to the ground. You were gasping for breath, looking him right into the eyes. They were devoid of natural colour, anger took over him completely.

Neal looked at you with disgust for a few moments. Then, he left your shared house with a slamming door.

---------------------------

“Andy, I need you…” You whispered to the phone, still feeling frightened, you couldn’t think of anyone else that could help you right now.

“Are you alright?” He sounded confused and a little scared. “Did something happen?”

“It’s…” You took a deep breath. “It’s my husband.”

“I’m on my way, honey!” You could hear the clink of his car’s keys. “I’ll take care of you.”

---------------------------

When Andy appeared at your door you were a total mess. He could see the damage Neal did to your precious body. How could he even think of hurting my perfect little angel? Because that’s who you were for Andy - an angel.

Without thinking, he picked you up from the cold floor and hugged your limp body. Wanted nothing more than to make you feel at least a little bit better.

“You’re okay now.” Andy made his way to the living room, he sat on the couch, bringing you with him. “I got you, sweetheart. He won’t hurt you again.” He kissed your sweaty forehead.

You look him deep in the blue eyes. Something in them reduced your nerves. He always makes you feel better for some reason. “Thank you for being here, Andy.” Your voice was quiet, barely louder than a whisper. “Can you take me somewhere else?”

He only smiled and took you to his car, making sure to fasten your seat belt. When Andy started your travel, he placed one of his hands on your thigh, squeezing it gently. You looked up at him, admiring his beautiful face, focused on the road.

The ride didn’t take much time. After ten minutes you were standing in front of Andy’s house. It wasn’t the first time you were here. It was modern but cosy.

He took your hand and escort you in. “Make yourself at home, honey.” His lips brushed your cheek and then, he was making his way to the kitchen, bringing you with him. “I’ll make us some tea. You can sit in the living room meanwhile.”

You follow his words. After a minute, you both were sitting comfortably, sipping your drinks with his hand touching yours. “Are you okay now?” Andy’s question woken you up from your little mind-wandering.

You smile at him. “Yes, a lot better. I’m really grateful, Andy.” He kissed your sensitive palm, connecting your fingers together after that. “I don’t know what gotten into him.” You admitted honestly. “He never was like that with me. He was yelling from time to time, but he never raise his hand on me.”

“And he won’t do it again.” You could hear the anger in Andy’s voice. He couldn’t forgive himself for not being there - not protecting you enough. “I’ll make sure of it!” You smile at him shyly.

---------------------------

“You sure I can stay the night?” You asked for the hundredth time. Didn’t want to be a problem for him.

“Yes! It’s safer for you to be with me.” Of course, your safety was important for Andy but that wasn’t the real reason he wanted you to stay at his house. He was delighted to have you, even just for the one night. Your presence was like an aloe vera for him. Always making him happier.

---------------------------

“I’ll take a shower.” You informed your company. “Could I possibly borrow your shirt?”

Andy was more than happy to have you - walking around the house with his shirt on you. The thought made him hard straight away. “Sure!” He smiled. “Perhaps I could join you? You know, just to save water. I was thinking about being more ecological.”

His explanation made you laugh. He was adorable, you couldn’t dismiss that. Without saying a thing, you made your way to the bathroom. His face dropped immediately. When you were at the door and didn’t hear him - you turned around. “You’re not coming?” You smirked.

That was enough invitation he needed. He stood up from the bad and came close to you. His hands on the back of your head, pulling you for a desperate kiss, the first the two of you shared since your last meeting.

You have to admit that you have missed his touch. He was everything you needed. Andy was kissing you as if he was a man starved. His tongue grazing yours, making sure to try and remember every single detail. He pulled you by your waist even closer, needed to feel all of you against him.

“Andy.” You whined his name as he started undoing the buttons of your sundress. What was his surprise when he saw that you didn’t have anything underneath it.

“Baby, you’re killing me!” He said right to your ear, causing the shivers to run your body. “Do you even realize what affection you have on me?” The path of wet kisses on your neck was breathtaking. You couldn’t stop yourself from moaning. The sounds you were making, only added to his already painful erection.

You pulled him to the bathroom by the tie he was wearing. Once inside, you got rid of his useless clothes. When he was standing just like he was made before you, you couldn’t help but watch his perfect body. Every muscle and vein was beautiful.

You both got in the shower. The hot water caressed your naked bodies. Andy’s wandering hands all over your delicate skin, making his own paths. His mouth on your shoulder, biting lightly.

He hasn’t even touched you down there yet, but all you could feel was blissful pleasure. “I’m gonna make love to you tonight, baby.” He whispered. “Treat you real nice and sweet. Just like you should be treated.” Andy kissed your lips with passion, you haven’t felt for a long time.

“Andy!” You moaned when his fingers found their way to your most intimate area. You could barely breathe with mouth agape when he was tracing your entrance. “I need to feel you.” You really wanted him to just bury himself inside of you.

“My favorite pussy!” Andy admitted with dark eyes and playful smile. “Always so wet and sweet.”

You were consumed by him, hardly holding on while his fingers were pounding up into you. The sound of your pussy made you a little embarrassed but you couldn’t help that. He was the reason why your wetness was running down your legs.

The pleasure Andy is giving you is always so overwhelming. You can’t think straight when some of his part is inside you. That’s the power he has over you.

“Come on, honey!” Andy only added to his already fast speed. His thumb was playing with your bottom of nerves in the way only he knew. “I know you’re about to cum so give it all to me!” His command is simple and you can’t help but follow it. “Always so good for me!” Your whines were music to his ears.

The only sensation you felt was pure bliss, every touch from him lit a fire in your body. Andy was back to kissing your swollen lips. “You’re so beautiful, Y/n. You know that?” He grunted low in the back of his throat when you spread your legs even wider for him. He changed the pace, burying deep inside of you, his fingers were moving with much quicker thrusts.

“God, Andy!” You hold on his shoulders for dear life. You could feel the vice in your core begin to snap. Andy continued to finger you, always brushing against your g-spot. “I’m gonna cum!”

He smirked at your words. “So do it, sweetheart!”

And you did. The pleasure you felt in that moment was intoxicating. You let out a pornstar-like moan, your wetness coming down his palm. He took his hand up to his mouth and licked all of you off his fingers, looking you straight into eyes.

Andy kissed you once again, you could taste yourself on his tongue - that made you want him again. His hands on your hips, pulling you closer to himself so he can lock you in his embrace.

He pulled out after a while and looked deep into your eyes. He smiled and said: “Divorce your husband for me, sweetheart.”

[jaehyunspeachparty]

#Atw for jaehyun and y/n: when Migas Grows older Andy our guys might have caught her doing something with a boy in her room, what would be your reaction and what would you do in this type of situation?

I would go out of the room and let her go on. At some point, it would happen anyway. But afterward, I would go to the gynecologist with her and talk to her about contraception.

- Y/N

This guy can leave the house immediately. I'm not going to let Miga be alone with a boy anyway. If a boy comes to visit, they must always be under my supervision.

- Jaehyun

[roslinadama-sinequanon]

Saying Good-Bye to Yesterday-Chapter 6

In this chapter Sharon is under the weather, Provenza is mortified by why, Rusty is worried about Gus, and Jack ruins a surprise. 

You can read it in the following places:

https://archiveofourown.org/works/15321687/chapters/37872305 or here

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13004092/6/Saying-Good-Bye-to-Yesterday

or here-

"Well, I'm certainly glad today is over." Sharon hung up her coat and kicked off her heels, curling her aching toes. Her head hurt, her feet hurt and her back hurt. She was already pulling her blouse out of her skirt and starting to unbutton it on her way toward the bedroom when she called out over her shoulder to Andy, "I'm going to change into something more comfortable before dinner."

"Sounds good to me." Andy followed her into the bedroom, watching her disappear into the bathroom while he took off his suit coat. He was hanging it in the closet when he heard her muffled "Dammit" from behind the wall.

"Everything okay in there?" He asked at the bathroom door.

"Yes," she grit out, looking at the telltale stain in her panties. Terrific. Just what she needed after a day of dealing with Winnie Davis. No wonder her head and her back had been bothering her. Groping beneath the bathroom sink where she kept her supplies she gave another muffled curse when she came up empty handed, remembering that Emily had left her note apologizing for using the last of her tampons. She'd added a box to her shopping list, but considering she hadn't had a period in two months, the need hadn't exactly felt urgent. In fact, she was rather hoping that she might have seen the last of this monthly mess. Her periods had become more erratic over the last couple years, skipping a month here and there and sometimes arriving twice in the same month, sometimes light, sometimes heavy, all part of the joys of perimenopause her gynecologist assured her, but she'd never skipped two months in a row.

"Uh…No," she amended, opening the bathroom door. "I've got a bit of a problem here. Can I ask you a really big favor?"

"Sure. You okay? "

"Yes, fine. I just started my period and I'm out of tampons. Could you run over to Rite Aid and buy me a box." At the deer in the headlights look he gave her she added, "I hate to ask, but…"

"No, no. It's fine." He pushed aside his initial aversion. While it wouldn't have been his first choice as favors went, Sharon rarely asked him for anything intimate and it actually felt kind of good to have her turn to him in this way. "Kotex, right?" He'd seen the boxes in the vanity plenty of times, going back to when he'd had to move in with her because of his blood clot after they'd just started dating. It was how he'd known that he was still going to need to use protection when they finally made love. Of course, being the efficient woman that she was, Sharon had already taken care of things, having an IUD inserted when it was apparent that their relationship was moving into greater intimacy, leaving him with no need of the condoms he'd purchased.

"Yes. U by Kotex. Make sure you get the Click, the black and purple box. They're easier to carry in my purse." And more discreet.

"Okay, U Kotex Click, black and purple box, I got it." He could do this, even if it wasn't at the grocery store where he could slide them in amongst the milk, bread, and eggs.

*************

For all his nonchalance with Sharon, Andy stood in the feminine hygiene aisle feeling very much out of place. He'd found the Kotex, no problem, even found the click, but evidently, there was more to it than that.

Provenza and Patrice were making their way to the checkout counter when Patrice asked, "Isn't that Andy?"

Provenza followed the finger she was pointing and indeed saw Andy Flynn standing in the middle of the feminine hygiene aisle, two boxes in his hands and perplexed look on his face.

"Let's go say hello."

Provenza grimaced. The feminine aisle was one he avoided like the plague.

"Oh, come on." Patrice took his arm. "You're a big boy Louie." He huffed a bit but followed his wife.

"I knew you'd been extra moody, lately.

Andy turned to see Provenza regarding him with a raised brow and rolled his eyes. "They're not for me, obviously. They're for Sharon."

"TMI, Flynn, TMI."

Andy shook his head. "You've been married six times, you ought to be used to this stuff by now."

"Never," he shuddered.

Seeing Patrice at Provenza's side he asked, "What are you guys doing in this neck of the woods, anyway?" Los Feliz was 20 minutes away from the Provenza's small bungalow in South LA.

"I was downtown shopping so we decided to grab a pizza at Palermo's for supper," Patrice said. "Is there anything I can help you with?"

"God yes. Thank you. Sharon wanted this brand," he showed her the two boxes. "But she didn't tell me which ones. I don't know the difference between the super and the regular."

"Well, that would depend on her flow. Did she just start?"

"Yeah, that's why I'm here. She wasn't expecting it today and she was out of these."

"Well, then, I'd get this combo pack." She grabbed a big box that was half super and half regular. "The supers will be fine for the first couple of days when it's heavier and then the regulars will work for the last few when it's lighter.

"Eh Gads. Really you two? "Provenza looked around to see if anyone was listening, and then hissed softly, "Are we really going to stand here in the middle of a store discussing the Captain's flow. It's embarrassing."

Andy gave a pointed look at the long yellow box in Provenza's hand. "No more embarrassing than buying hemorrhoid suppositories."

Provenza's face flushed. With a little huff, he slid the box of Preparation H under his arm and walked away toward the checkout counter with as much dignity as he could procure, Flynn's laughter following him all the way.

******************

Rusty was making the salad his mother had asked him to prepare to go with dinner when he heard the door to the condo open and then shut. With a puzzled frown, he stepped around the corner to see Andy.

"I thought I heard you come home earlier? He said.

"I did come home earlier. And then I left."

"Where did you go?"

"I had to run to the drugstore and get these for your Mom. " Andy pulled the box of tampons out of the bag, grinning when the boy's face twisted with distaste.

"Future reference Andy, when I ask a question like that a simple, 'I had to run an errand for your Mom will do it. I don't need to know any of the gross details."

Andy gave a soft chuckle. "Better get used to it, kid. Periods are a part of life, one day you'll have a wife and you'll-" A look of stunned horror crossed his face. "Oh, shit. I'm sorry."

"s'okay"

"No, really. I didn't mean anything by…It slipped…I just…. "

"Andy, it's okay. " Rusty cut off the stumbling explanation, putting the older man out of his misery. "You didn't offend me or anything."

"Okay, good. " Andy let out a breath of relief and started off toward the bathroom, then thought the better of it. Rusty wasn't going to have a wife and given the kid's upbringing, he doubted he'd ever been given a proper talk about this kind of stuff. Certainly, Sharon Beck wouldn't have done it and by the time his Sharon got the boy he'd probably known more about sex, the mechanics anyway, than her so there would have been no need for "the talk". In any case, boys were typically taught about male puberty and how to keep a girl from getting pregnant with barely a reference to anything that girls and women experienced. He'd learned far more about the female side of things from the women in his life than he did from health class or anything his father had told him. "You know kid, it's still a fact of life and even if you don't have a wife you could have a daughter one day. You might want to talk to your mom about that sometime." He looked down at the box in his hand. "Well, I better get these in to her."

Rusty watched Andy disappear into the bathroom. A daughter. He'd never really thought about that before. Did he even want children? Would he be capable of being a good parent? Despite the five years of love and stability he'd had with an amazing mother like Sharon, the 13 horrific years of abuse and neglect that he'd experienced with his biological mother and the two years he'd spent homeless, selling himself on the street had left him so messed up inside he wasn't sure he would ever be healed enough to think that he could be a good parent.

************

I have been patient, Gus. I waited an extra day. O-okay. Well, if you weren't ready to talk to me about it, then why text me? "

Sharon and Andy paused in setting the table with supper both looking to Rusty who was pacing in the living room on the phone with Gus.

"One of the things I love about living in a house with a kid again is realizing how happy I am to be older," Andy said.

" Mm." Sharon agreed, rubbing his shoulder and leaning in to press her lips to his in a brief kiss. "Relationships were so complicated at that age, weren't they? And breaking up is tough. Even if there's no other choice." She was so glad that she and Andy were past the complicated stage in their relationship. Sure, there were still difficulties they were facing with their annulments, but it was no longer complicated. She loved him, she was committed to him and she was going to spend the rest of her life with him. Nothing complicated anymore about that.

They sat at the table filling their plates while Rusty's conversation with Gus continued.

"Okay, I... yeah, right. But just... just know that it's incredibly frustrating and... Yeah, well, I love you, too. Okay. All right, bye."

Sharon smiled at the 'I love you'. Rusty had come such a long way with being able to express his feelings, well, feelings that weren't anger anyway. He'd always been pretty good at expressing his anger. She could still remember the first time he'd given voice to his feelings for her. He was standing in the doorway to her office about to leave when he'd said those very words, "I'm only doing this because I love you. You know that, right?" You could have knocked her over with a feather, but she had perfected the art of suppressing her emotions and keeping her face devoid of the surprise she felt at hearing things that shocked her, like those words, and her response was a matter of fact, "I do". But, as soon as her door shut, her eyes had flooded with tears of joy. He loved her.

"Well... that sounded more positive," she said as Rusty joined them at the table.

"He says that he thinks it's all good, but he can only talk to me about whatever it is face to face. What? "Andy was giving him that 'come on' look that he had when someone was being oblivious.

"Nothing, "Andy shrugged. "It's just... well when I think about good things that can only be talked about face to face…"

"You mean like marriage?" Rusty was dumbfounded. He wasn't ready for marriage. "Andy, I'm not even out of college yet. And then, I have law school after that. I can't... Oh, my God. This is gonna end no matter what I do. Either he's preparing some kind of, "It's for the best" way to break up with me. Or he's going to ask me to marry him and then break up with me when I say no. But getting married right now, that would be crazy. Wouldn't it, Mom?"

"It depends on how you really feel about the other person." Sharon was listening to the conversation but her mind suddenly went back to the murder of Allie King. If Allie had turned down the proposal her volatile boyfriend, a billionaire used to getting everything he wanted, would it have been enough for him to snap and kill her?

"So, you think I'm ready to get married?"

"What? No. Of course not. I think the two of you are jumping to conclusions. There's no reason to get all worked up about this until you find out what Gus really wants to talk to you about."

********************

After supper and an episode of "Game of Thrones" Sharon left Andy and Rusty engrossed in a chess match to go soak in a nice bubble bath, hoping the warm water might soothe the war taking place in her abdomen.

When Andy got to the bedroom, having been soundly defeated, Sharon was laying in bed absorbed in book as she was most nights before bed, but by the time he returned from the bathroom having showered and brushed his teeth he found her curled up in the fetal position around a heating pad, her book set aside. There was a mug of herbal tea and a bottle of Midol sitting on her nightstand and the room was filled with the lavender and sage scent of essential oils coming from her diffuser. All that arsenal told him one thing. Sharon was feeling pretty miserable right now.

Because of his addiction, he was unable to take many prescription medications so he was more open than most of the guys he knew when it came to using natural products to fight pain and illness. But even so, he'd still thought all that aromatherapy stuff Sharon got from Summer was just a load of New Age mumbo-jumbo. How could the scent of clary sage soothe the cramps in her uterus? And yet, he had to admit, the lavender she used did seem to make him sleep better. And, when she'd rubbed some peppermint oil into his neck after he'd gotten the pinched nerve it had helped a little bit.

"Cramps bad?" He asked, sliding into bed behind her.

"Mm…you think?" It was nearly a groan. "You know, it isn't fair. If I'm going to have to deal with hot flashes, it would be nice to at least have the benefit of stopping my period. I was hoping after skipping it for two months in a row that it might be done."

Two months? Had it been that long? It wasn't something he'd really thought about, but now that she mentioned it, he realized that it had been a while. The last time he could remember was right around Halloween when he'd woken one morning, a little taken aback, to see sheets stained with small wet patches of blood where Sharon had been laying. Hearing his surprised intake of breath when she'd risen from the bed, Sharon had been slightly embarrassed at the mess, complaining about the unpredictability of her period after a couple decades of it cycling like clockwork. He'd made a flip remark about her sense of occasion with it being Halloween and all which had earned him a withering look and kept him mute on the subject now. But there was something he could do.

"Doesn't seem like your bath helped much. Would you like a back or belly rub?" One or the other had seemed to be helpful in the past. The first day or two was always hard on her, with agonizing cramps and backaches.

"My back feels like it's in a vice grip," she admitted. "The heating pad is helping with my belly."

"Back it is then." He lifted her cami and slid his hand into the back of her boy shorts. It was the only time of the month she wore the comfortable stretchy shorts, preferring to sleep in silky or satin negligees and nightgowns but not willing to take the chance she might stain them.

The moment his strong fingers rubbed into the small of her back, Sharon moaned with relief. Then he placed his thumbs on each side of her spine and dug them in with circling motions the way she'd taught him the first time he'd done this for her.

"You're awfully quiet," he said after several minutes of nothing but appreciative soft moans. "Just in pain or are you really worried about Rusty and this marriage thing?"

"There is no marriage thing. We don't even know what Gus wants to talk to him about." Her strained protest did not fool him.

"So, you're worried."

She sighed. "Maybe a little. It's so easy at that age to be pressured into doing something that you aren't ready for."

"You and I are prime examples of that."

"We are. I don't want Rusty to fall into the same trap that we fell into. But I know I have to be careful about what I say. My parents arguing against me marrying Jack in some ways only pushed me the other way. I wanted to prove to them that they were wrong."

"And my mother urging me to marry Sandra and being so excited about it pushed me right into proposing. I had no idea what I was getting into."

"So, what do we do? "

"We worry about today. Tomorrow will come soon enough and we can deal with it then."

Sharon was a planner, she liked to look ahead, to be prepared, but she had to admit that Andy's take one day at a time AA philosophy was starting to win her over---a little bit anyway. She was always going to worry, always look ahead at the big picture, but if she could step back from that a little she would try. "I guess you're right, I should take my own advice. There's no need in getting all worked up about it until we know what it is that Gus wants to talk to him about. And if it is marriage we just have to offer Rusty the best advice we can and hope that he makes the right decision." At Andy's negative little rumble, she looked back over her shoulder. "What? "

"We're talking about Rusty, here. "

"I know that. He's made some poor decisions, yes, but he's gotten a lot better. Look at him now. He's in college, he has goals, he's interning with the hopes of going to law school. He-" She paused at the grin crossing Andy's face. "What?"

"Nothing. It's just so easy to get your Mama Bear hackles up. Anyone who even thinks about fucking with one of your children better watch out."

"Hmph. "She flipped back over. "You might want to remind Gus about that."

"I thought you liked Gus."

"I do like Gus. He's been good for Rusty."

"But…"

"But I don't know what all of this is about and he's Rusty's first love. He has the power to hurt him. You know, I watched Emily and Ricky go through this with their boyfriends and girlfriends and when their hearts were broken, my heart broke too. But, it feels different with Rusty. I know it seems like he's tougher than they are and in some ways, he is. He's certainly been through things they can't even imagine. But emotionally, he's so much more fragile than they ever were."

"Old or new, love always has the power hurt you, Sharon. Just look how long it took me to even ask you out on a date."

"Hmm…" she hummed, tapping his hand to keep him kneading on her back. That night at the candlelit table at Serve he'd taken her hand and, playing with her fingers, told her just how long he'd had feelings for her. How many times he'd wanted to ask her out on a real date, a romantic date, and yet he'd held back, fearing rejection, fearing the loss of something he wasn't even sure was real. Until he asked her out, he could believe that she had the same romantic feelings and sexual attraction for him that he had for her. But if he asked her out and she said no, that she wasn't interested in him that way, he would know for sure that his feelings were not reciprocated and that he'd read her completely wrong. The fear that he'd been living in a fantasyland and they would never be more than just friends had been very potent, but he had to do it. He had to man up, take a chance and fight for what he wanted.

"It sucks, but as much as we want to, we can't stop our kids from getting hurt. "

"I know," she frowned. "All we can do is be there to pick up the pieces." She grabbed the heating pad's control box and clicked on the two-hour timer. As tempting as it was to sleep curled around all that heat warding off the squeezing, gripping pain that radiated down her thighs and made her insides feel like they were going through a meat grinder, it was too dangerous to keep it on all night. "I'm going to try to get some sleep before the Midol wears off and the heating pad shuts down."

"Okay. " Andy nuzzled into her hair pressing a kiss to her temple. "Good-night, sweetheart." And he continued to rub her back until she fell asleep.

**************************

"So, do you remember her from your PSB days?"

Sharon looked down at the picture of a sour-faced older woman that she held in her hand. This was their newest victim, unrelated to the Allie King murder they were still working on. Mary Conrad, a former member of the LAPD. As if she could forget that nasty piece of work.

"Oh yes, I remember her very well." She glanced up at Provenza who seemed strangely ill at ease, shifting from one foot to the other. "You know Lieutenant," she leaned in whispering softly. "You can't catch it, it's not contagious." She bit back an amused smile at the deep red flush of mortification rushing into his face.

"Yes, well, I know that," he stammered. He couldn't help it. It felt strange knowing something so personal about the Captain. And he wouldn't have known about it if it weren't for…Flynn. His eyes moved to his second in command who was leaning casually back against a desk with a knowing smile. "Your boyfriend has a big mouth."

Sharon's smile broadened. "Yes, well…"She trailed off and began putting pictures of Mary on the murder board as the rest of team began filtering in.

Provenza couldn't have been more relieved to see them and took the opportunity to slide away to his desk trying not to think about what else Flynn had told her about that visit to the drugstore.

"As you all know our victim, Mary Conrad, was a veteran of the LAPD. I had a few run-ins with Mary at the PSB. In fact, Mary took a swing at me when I relieved her from duty." She slapped the last picture on the murder board.

"Why were you investigating her ma'am?" Julio asked.

"Well, when she'd make an arrest for fraud, Mary sometimes accepted 'thank you' gifts from banks and retail outlets.

"Oh my God, that's so against the rules."

Buzz, a man after her own heart. "Yeah, well that didn't keep her from trying to justify it. She even mentioned that FBI agents get to keep a percentage of confiscated funds."

"Lucky bastards," Provenza muttered. Mary had been in his class at the Academy and he was still trying to remember who she was. Kind of scary considering that in the late 70's there were barely a handful of women at the Academy. She should have stuck out like a sore thumb.

"But you know, Mary's main defense was that her Captain didn't like having a woman in his unit."

"Well, it was a bit of a boys club back then," Andy said as if she needed reminding.

"Still is," she reminded him right back. "But I'm not sure though how much of a committed feminist Mary was. When I asked for her service weapon back she called me a bitch."

"Oh, well, that's shocking."

Andy shook his head with a little grin at Provenza's quip. Except for Amy and Wes who had joined the division after Sharon had become their Captain and had little knowledge of her time in FID, they had all referred to her as a bitch at one time or another.

"You canned her right?" Provenza asked.

"No, I offered her a demotion and a chance to work her way back up but she retired instead."

"Well, well, well, there's the happy couple. Sharon, Andy, how does it feel to be engaged?"

Too stunned to move, Sharon's eyes met Andy's and they stood rooted on the spot as Jack blustered into the Murder Room with a big smile. It was the smile of a snake, ready to lash out with his poison venom.

The team was also shocked speechless, but it didn't take them long to regain their wits.

"Wait, what?"

"Congratulations."

"Where's the ring?" Julio asked. "Didn't the Lieutenant buy you a ring, ma'am."

"Oh my God," Andy shook his head.

Provenza only nodded knowingly. Tao was going to have to give him his five bucks back.

"Ohh… wait. You aren't wearing a ring, are you? Well, that had to be the shortest engagement ever." Jack shook his head with mock sorrow resting a pitying hand on Andy's shoulder. "Bad luck Andy, my old man. Sorry about that. Women can be so fickle. You shell out the big bucks on a vacation, bare your soul asking them to marry you, they get caught up in the moment and say yes and then they kick you in the balls and give you your ring back."

"What the hell are you even talking about?" Andy shoved Jack's hand from his shoulder and Sharon moved in closer to the two, sliding an arm around Andy's waist. She could nearly taste the testosterone that was flying around between the two men and knew this could easily get out of hand.

"Wait, are you two really engaged or not?" Amy asked.

Sharon turned to her team…her family. This wasn't how she had wanted to tell them. Leave it to Jack to mess everything up. "Yes, we are." She rested her head on Andy's shoulder in a quick moment of affection she rarely displayed at work, the wide, happy smile on her face easing the tension in Andy and in the room.

"We just haven't announced it yet," Andy said.

"Oh no, "Jack feigned dismay, the brief flare of hope at seeing her bare finger extinguished. "Oh, God. I ruined your surprise."

Sharon's eyes, turning hard as granite, settled back on her ex-husband. "Yes, you did," she said before turning her back on him to talk to her friends. "We were going to have a little party to make the announcement. And yes Andy did, of course, give me a ring but I left it home because we wanted to tell acting Assistant Chief Howard first."

"Oh, Sharon, Sharon, Sharon. You never change. Always following the rules."

Sharon's glare came back in full force as she whipped around snapping, "What are you even doing here, Jack?" As far as she knew, he wasn't representing anyone in their cases.

"I uh…Brought the paperwork. The annulment questionnaire."

"I asked you to mail it to me."

"The mail is so impersonal."

"Exactly."

Man, she was a tough nut to crack. that wasn't anything new. He'd told her once that she was his Mount Everest, his Waterloo. She'd made the decision 22 years ago to make their separation legal and at that time she'd put a wall up that he'd never been able to completely penetrate ever again. Oh, he'd tried storming the castle a few times, even tore away a brick or two on occasion but he'd never been able to infiltrate the barriers and rules she'd put in place to keep him at bay. She was strong and she was stubborn and standing there ramrod straight with her arms crossed under her breasts and her cheeks slightly flushed with anger, she was as sexy a woman as he'd ever known. God how he still wanted her. He always wanted her, though never more so, it seemed, than when she was out of his reach. And never had she been more out of his reach than she was now with Flynn standing at her side and the talk of marriage on everyone's lips. "Is that really what you, the queen of the face to face, wants?"

What she really wanted right now was for the floor to open and Jack to fall through to hell, but that wasn't likely to happen. "Fine, you want to talk? Go wait for me in my office. I need to finish up here and then you'll have," she consulted her watch, "you'll have about five minutes."

"You're a tough lady to bargain with," he tried his most charming grin. When it did nothing to change her steely demeanor, he sighed and made his way toward her office. He hated it when she played these power games. Sending him off to wait in her office was all about showing him who was the boss.

And Sharon was always the boss.

*************************

Sharon made him cool his heels for a good twenty minutes before finally joining him in her office.

"You printed this out awfully fast." Jack held up a framed picture she had on her desk. Her mother had taken it Christmas Eve after they'd told the family about their engagement. She and Andy were standing in front of a blazing fireplace and a large Christmas tree twinkling with white lights, surrounded by their smiling children. Their arms were wrapped around each other's waists and her dress, the color of cranberries matched his suspenders. They were radiating happiness.

Sharon took the picture from him and set it back down on her desk. "Why did you come here, Jack?"

"Okay, so that's how it's going to be." He started to pull out the chair in front of her desk.

"Don't bother sitting, you won't be here long."

"Seriously? You throw something like this at me and don't expect to have a conversation about it?"

"Not here I don't. If you'd really wanted to have a conversation about this, we could have met for coffee somewhere and discussed it. But that isn't what you wanted. You knew Andy and I are planning an engagement party to surprise our friends and you just couldn't wait to let the cat out of the bag. Using our children as spies is starting to get a little tiresome and if they knew what you were doing…My God," she shook her head with disgust.

More than once the kids had innocently given Jack information about her or Andy that he'd then used against them. She hadn't told Emily or Ricky about it because it would only hurt them. Jack was so good at manipulation he had them believing that he was only interested in their lives, while surreptitiously pumping them for information on her and Andy.

"I'm here because of this." He angrily tossed the manila folder on her desk. "An annulment. You know this negates our marriage."

"Our marriage was already negated. "

"No, a divorce means our marriage is over, an annulment means our marriage never existed."

"Our sacramental marriage never existed---and that's the truth. That was the marriage where you promised before God to love and cherish me all the days of our lives, the one when you placed a ring on my finger and promised to be faithful to me. Jack, you negated our wedding vows a long, long time ago. This just makes it official."

"You can't pretend it didn't happen, Sharon!"

"I'm not pretending anything. Legally we were married and it's over, but when it comes to the sacrament of marriage, it didn't happen. I made a mistake and I'm putting it behind me. It would be better for you if you did the same."

Jack looked like she'd slapped him in the face. "Is that how you see me, as a mistake?"

"Jack…" Her tone softened. "You know I will always be grateful to you for Emily and for Ricky. I will always care about you and wish the best for you, even when you piss me off and I want to ring your neck as I do most of the time lately. But even though I didn't officially end it until two years ago, we haven't been married, really married for twenty-five years. And let's face it; if we hadn't rushed into getting married that summer we graduated, we would have realized that even if we loved each other, it wasn't going to work between us. We just weren't compatible. We wanted different things out of life. " She wanted a partner, family, stability, and monogamy, none of which he'd been able to give her. "I wasn't able to see that for a long time and maybe I was willing to overlook too much. You were my first serious relationship. Now that I've been with Andy and experienced that level of love, respect, and commitment, I can see what we were missing. "

"Andy," he scoffed. "You're seriously going to marry him?"

"I wouldn't go through this if I wasn't serious about marrying Andy. I'm not looking forward to reliving all of the most painful, humiliating parts of my life."

He flinched knowing she was referring to her time with him, but as usual, his pain came out as anger. "But you'll go through that for him."

"For us," she stressed. "I want to start our marriage out on the right foot and for me, that means getting married in the church."

"I gotta ask, why Flynn?"

"I'm not sure you really want me to answer that." She was still angry for what he'd just done, still angry for how he'd treated their children when they'd gone to him, but that didn't mean she wanted to hurt him.

"Yes, Sharon, I do. "

She stared at him for a long moment trying to decide if he was sincere or just trying to goad her into a fight, wondering how she could convey what she had with Andy in a way that he would understand. What could she tell him of a love that had sprung seemingly out of nowhere; coming at a time in her life when she'd least expected it. A love that had started with a deep friendship, her feelings growing and deepening every day until they became so powerful she could no longer imagine her life without Andy in it.

"Come on Sharon," he pushed. "You said you overlooked too much with me, but it seems to me that you must be overlooking an awful lot when it comes to that skirt chaser."

Her eyes hardened, whatever compassion she'd had for him disappearing. "Okay," she snapped. "You want to know, why Andy? Because he makes me happier than I've ever been in my whole life. Because he respects me and he loves me in a way that I've never been loved before and because I love him in a way that I've never loved anyone before. " As she spoke of Andy, she could actually feel that love, the warmth flowing from her heart all the way into her bones, melting the anger she felt toward her ex. It was a feeling she couldn't explain.

"He's a drunk you know," Jack spat out derisively. "Just like me. You just went from one drunk to another."

"He's an alcoholic," Sharon corrected, trying to keep her temper in check, something that was never easy when it came to Jack. "A recovering alcoholic who has been sober for 20 years, made amends and repaired his relationships with those he loves. So, no, he's not like you at all."

"Really? How is he moving in and living off you any different from what I did? Sounds to me like he's as much a deadbeat as you once accused me of being. "

Sharon's mouth dropped open with shock. Now that was rich, coming from the king of the freeloaders. She didn't owe Jack of all people any explanations but she also could not allow him to besmirch Andy this way. "Not that it's any of your business, but unlike you, Andy does not, nor has he ever 'lived off me'. He moved into my, now our condo because we are looking to buy a house and his house, the one that he bought himself and paid the mortgage on himself, again, something you've never done, sold faster than he thought it would and we haven't found a house yet. And unlike you who never gave me a dime of child support or sent any money home to help with the mortgage, bills, ballet classes, swim meet fees, football camps and baseball clinics, never mind college, he pays half the mortgage, half the utilities, and half the condo fees. He also paid child support when his daughter was younger, helped her with college tuition, and pretty much footed the entire $30,000 bill for her wedding so let's remember who the deadbeat is because it sure isn't Andy."

"Oh, yeah, I forgot what a paragon he is. Saint Andy. Good luck with that, I think you're gonna need it." He stalked off toward the door

"I guess we'll just have to agree to disagree. Oh, and Jack-" she stopped him just as he touched the door handle. "He may not be a saint but you want to know what else is different between you and Andy? When he moved in last August, it was into my bedroom, not the couch."

Jack's face flushed, his blood boiling with anger and jealousy. He wanted to walk out that door and punch Andy Fucking Flynn right in the face. Instead, he hit Sharon where he knew it would hurt her most. "Yeah, the kids told me all about it."

In an instant, Sharon went from chastising herself for allowing him to taunt her into pettiness to seething with outrage. Only this time she kept it under control calmly asking, "Will I be seeing you at the tribunal?"

"I haven't decided yet."

"You know, Jack, I really don't want to fight with you. I'd like this to be as civilized as possible.

"I'm sure that's exactly what you'd like, Sharon." He tossed her an enigmatic look and walked out the door.

TBC