#gwyn and efnisien getting to be family again

[not-poignant]

Quote from Constellations, a Falling Falling Stars multi-chapter Gwyn + Efnisien reconciliation epilogue. Chapter 3 coming to the Augus + Gwyn and above tiers on Patreon and Ream in November,on Sunday 5th! (In about 9 hours from now!)

[not-poignant]

77/? - Underline the Black (omegaverse) - Efnisien/Gary

Title: Underline the Black Rating: Explicit Pairing: Efnisien ap Wledig/Dr Gary Konowalous Tags: Hurt/Comfort, Angst, Darkfic, Disturbing themes, Age Gap, Omegaverse, Alpha/Alpha, no Mpreg, Medical experimentation, Medical trauma, Dominance/Submission, Dystopian universe, Forced bonding, Forced relationship, Imprisonment, Nonconsensual medical procedures, PTSD, Flashbacks, Nightmares, Chronic illness, Mating cycles/Heats, Knotting, Miscommunication, Trauma recovery, Mind control, Child Abuse, Hope, Hopeful ending.

Summary: Efnisien ap Wledig is an omega born into an all-alpha family. Abandoned by his birth mother and raised by his aunt, he is subjected to a lifetime of medical experimentation and brainwashing and believes himself to be an alpha. But the experiments begin to fail, and he is abandoned yet again to an Omega Rehabilitation Facility, where the family expects he will be retrained into the ‘perfect omega’ and placed in an arranged marriage, or be eliminated if this is no longer possible.

The Facility don’t know about the experiments, and Efnisien doesn’t even know why he’s in there in the first place, since he’s an alpha…isn’t he? One thing’s for certain, he definitely doesn’t need an alpha companion, no matter what the staff at the facility seem to think.

Underline the Black - Chapter 77 - An Enemy of Hope @ AO3

In which Gary leaves to get his heart checked out and Efnisien spends the day with Faber, learns that he likes certain kinds of work, learns more about Faber, and then is surprised by a very unexpected turn of events.

– Thanks to all the Patreon and Ream supporters for making this story possible!

The following early access extras are also currently available on the Augus & Gwyn, and Efnisien & Gary tiers at Patreon and Ream:

Underline the Red - 05 - Caleb/Faber Underline the Red - 06 - Caleb/Faber Underline the Gold - 07 - Flitmouse/Anton The Nascent Diplomat - 40 - Augus/Gwyn Constellations - 03 - Efnisien + Gwyn (post Falling Falling Stars) Constellations - 04 - Efnisien + Gwyn (post Falling Falling Stars) Constellations - 05 - Efnisien + Gwyn (post Falling Falling Stars) Underline the Blue - 10 - Nate/Janusz Underline the Blue - 11 - Nate/Janusz Underline the Blue - 12 - Nate/Janusz

Want another way to support my writing? // I have a Patreon account! // Come check out REAM! (Patreon mirror) // Buy a Ko-Fi!

[not-poignant]

88/? - Underline the Black (omegaverse) - Efnisien/Gary

Title: Underline the Black Rating: Explicit Pairing: Efnisien ap Wledig/Dr Gary Konowalous Tags: Hurt/Comfort, Angst, Darkfic, Disturbing themes, Age Gap, Omegaverse, Alpha/Alpha, no Mpreg, Medical experimentation, Medical trauma, Dominance/Submission, Dystopian universe, Forced bonding, Forced relationship, Imprisonment, Nonconsensual medical procedures, PTSD, Flashbacks, Nightmares, Chronic illness, Mating cycles/Heats, Knotting, Miscommunication, Trauma recovery, Mind control, Child Abuse, Hope, Hopeful ending.

Summary: Efnisien ap Wledig is an omega born into an all-alpha family. Abandoned by his birth mother and raised by his aunt, he is subjected to a lifetime of medical experimentation and brainwashing and believes himself to be an alpha. But the experiments begin to fail, and he is abandoned yet again to an Omega Rehabilitation Facility, where the family expects he will be retrained into the ‘perfect omega’ and placed in an arranged marriage, or be eliminated if this is no longer possible.

The Facility don’t know about the experiments, and Efnisien doesn’t even know why he’s in there in the first place, since he’s an alpha…isn’t he? One thing’s for certain, he definitely doesn’t need an alpha companion, no matter what the staff at the facility seem to think.

Underline the Black - Chapter 88 - A Big Fuck Up @ AO3

In which Efnisien shares what happened between himself and Gary with Faber, who gets angry at Efnisien for provoking a peak alpha in the first place. Later, Efnisien apologises to Gary, and worries about their future.

– Thanks to all the Patreon and Ream supporters for making this story possible!

The following early access extras are also currently available on the Augus & Gwyn, and Efnisien & Gary tiers at Patreon and Ream:

Underline the Red - 05 - Caleb/Faber Underline the Red - 06 - Caleb/Faber Underline the Gold - 11 - Flitmouse/Anton The Nascent Diplomat - 44 - Augus/Gwyn - Final Constellations - 07 - Efnisien + Gwyn (post Falling Falling Stars) Constellations - 08 - Efnisien + Gwyn (post Falling Falling Stars) Constellations - 09 - Efnisien + Gwyn (post Falling Falling Stars) Underline the Blue - 14 - Nate/Janusz Underline the Blue - 15 - Nate/Janusz

Want another way to support my writing? // I have a Patreon account! // Come check out REAM! (Patreon mirror) // Buy a Ko-Fi!

[not-poignant]

Can you tell us a little about Constellations? Is it just going to be one long chapter like the end of the Ice Plague? Or multi-chaptered like the Gwyn+Augus epilogue after The Ice Plague? I'm so excited to read it either way!!

I sure can!

Constellations is a Gwyn + Efnisien multi-chapter epilogue (or sequel) set almost 10 years after Falling Falling Stars.

The first four chapters (which are already written) are from Gwyn's perspective, and it follows him as he decides he wants to meet with Efnisien again, speak to him, and get to know him as a person vs. as the person he knew.

I'm calling it a Gwyn + Efnisien epilogue, because it's not going to be about Augus, it's not going to be about Arden, and we're not going to be seeing them much except as supports specifically in the theme of Gwyn and Efnisien kind of learning how to become family again. In that sense, it's more of an epilogue rather than a true sequel, imho. But I think it will be at least 10 chapters long.

The only other add-on I've thought about seriously writing is a Dr Gary + Efnisien 'talking about Henton' epilogue, and I'm not ruling that out either. But if I do that, it will be a separate story.

It commences on September 10th on Patreon (in the $10+ tiers) and then will go to AO3 around two months later so it'll be freely available then. I can only release one chapter a month, similar to The Nascent Diplomat, since I have so many other active stories right now, but I couldn't wait any longer.

Things I can probably safely share now are:

Gwyn finally has a good therapist. He's aware that he can be toxic and abusive.

Augus also has been to decent therapy and has maybe realised he's done some shitty things to Efnisien in the past too

We'll find out what Efnisien's doing at university these days.

We'll find out what Efnisien's mature fashion sense is like!

They're still not perfect, but they're trying

It will have an extremely hopeful (and happy) ending

It's possible some chapters will be from Efnisien's perspective too, but right now I felt it was important to show Gwyn's thinking and how much it's changed (and how it hasn't).

There will be no BDSM scenes between Efnisien and Arden

There will be no therapy sessions between Efnisien and Dr Gary (though Efnisien might be seeing a different therapist now!)

There will be no BDSM scenes between Augus and Gwyn

It's definitely not a story focused on BDSM or sex, and more focused on a family relationship, rather than a romance relationship.

I'm really excited about it too, anon :D

[not-poignant]

oh god im having a moment. this may seem obvious but…i know that utr is set in australia…theres more than a few references….to australia.. and ….australian things..but i only now realised that means everyone has an australian accent omg 😭😭😭😭(me to my brain: “why didnt you tell me” my brain back: “girl are you forreal”) idk why this is so surprising to me…im slow. so all the conversations that happened…. happened with an aussie accent….temsen…gary….gwyn 😭 i know faber has more of a british accent right? idk why i remembered that but then didn’t think about calebs accent… this is amazing, its also embarrassing for me but i am protected by the veil of online anonymity so im just rolling on my couch going through past conversations in the stories re-imagining them. wait that means YOU also have an australian accent!! i LOVE australian accent!!!! almost as much as kiwi but then again i hear that one even less than aussie accents… 😂 oke have a good sunday..or wait what time is it over there?! have a good time from 9pm germany 🇩🇪 cheers mate

Ahaha, this was so great to get

Okay so firstly, I think it's fairly universal that most of us don't think of ourselves as having accents, so unless a character has a very distinct accent, I don't think of their accents at all. For that reason, I also have zero problems when people just imagine the accent that is normal to them!

Secondly, what most people know as the Australian accent is very particular to certain parts of Australia. Most people haven't heard a Perth accent, which is a lot milder overall than say, a Queensland accent. And class really influences how people talk. Like, most of these people aren't saying 'mate' for a reason, it's just not part of their daily language. So...in that sense, it wouldn't be accurate to imagine a standard television Australian accent either. It's kind of jokey, in the same way that people put on really overdone German or Russian accents, you know it's not always reflective of reality.

I love Kiwi accents too btw, so good. :D Early Flight of the Conchords forever!

But, yes, they are in Australia and they do have...Australian accents. Kadek's probably one of the most 'ocker', Faber is one of the fanciest speakers (as is Flitmouse, though he picked up his accent out of choice lol), though Gary's up there too because he came from a very educated and relatively upper class family (as is Efnisien, when he can stop swearing for five seconds!)

Characters who have a more standard Australian accent would be Janusz, Caleb, Nate, Kadek and I would say Anton's about in the middle.

But, again, if it's just easier and more comfortable to imagine whatever your internal 'generic accent' is - imagine that! For me that's actually like... a neutral English accent, for I think most people it's American! I don't even think my neutral accent is Australian, lmao, because I'm influenced by coming from a family of immigrants (Dutch + English + Russian) and watching a lot of TV growing up of which the majority wasn't Australian, and of course thinking of my own accent as just 'neutral' which it absolutely isn't.

Accents are weird!

[not-poignant]

74/? - Underline the Black (omegaverse) - Efnisien/Gary

Title: Underline the Black Rating: Explicit Pairing: Efnisien ap Wledig/Dr Gary Konowalous Tags: Hurt/Comfort, Angst, Darkfic, Disturbing themes, Age Gap, Omegaverse, Alpha/Alpha, no Mpreg, Medical experimentation, Medical trauma, Dominance/Submission, Dystopian universe, Forced bonding, Forced relationship, Imprisonment, Nonconsensual medical procedures, PTSD, Flashbacks, Nightmares, Chronic illness, Mating cycles/Heats, Knotting, Miscommunication, Trauma recovery, Mind control, Child Abuse, Hope, Hopeful ending.

Summary: Efnisien ap Wledig is an omega born into an all-alpha family. Abandoned by his birth mother and raised by his aunt, he is subjected to a lifetime of medical experimentation and brainwashing and believes himself to be an alpha. But the experiments begin to fail, and he is abandoned yet again to an Omega Rehabilitation Facility, where the family expects he will be retrained into the ‘perfect omega’ and placed in an arranged marriage, or be eliminated if this is no longer possible.

The Facility don’t know about the experiments, and Efnisien doesn’t even know why he’s in there in the first place, since he’s an alpha…isn’t he? One thing’s for certain, he definitely doesn’t need an alpha companion, no matter what the staff at the facility seem to think.

Underline the Black - Chapter 74 - Habituation and Hunger @ AO3

In which Gary decides it's time to find out if he can even penetrate Efnisien, and decides to get him ready for the fact that this is something he wants to do.

– Thanks to all the Patreon and Ream supporters for making this story possible!

The following early access extras are also currently available on the Augus & Gwyn, and Efnisien & Gary tiers at Patreon and Ream:

Underline the Red - 05 - Caleb/Faber Underline the Red - 06 - Caleb/Faber Underline the Gold - 07 - Flitmouse/Anton The Nascent Diplomat - 40 - Augus/Gwyn Constellations - 02 - Efnisien + Gwyn (post Falling Falling Stars) Constellations - 03 - Efnisien + Gwyn (post Falling Falling Stars) Constellations - 04 - Efnisien + Gwyn (post Falling Falling Stars) Underline the Blue - 09 - Nate/Janusz Underline the Blue - 10 - Nate/Janusz Underline the Blue - 11 - Nate/Janusz

Want another way to support my writing? // I have a Patreon account! // Come check out REAM! (Patreon mirror) // Buy a Ko-Fi!

[not-poignant]

42/? - Underline the Black (omegaverse) - Efnisien/Gary

Title: Underline the Black Rating: Explicit Pairing: Efnisien ap Wledig/Dr Gary Konowalous Tags: Hurt/Comfort, Angst, Darkfic, Disturbing themes, Omegaverse, Alpha/Omega, Medical experimentation, Medical trauma, Dominance/Submission, Dystopian universe, Forced bonding, Forced relationship, Imprisonment, Nonconsensual medical procedures, PTSD, Flashbacks, Nightmares, Chronic illness, Mating cycles/Heats, Knotting, Miscommunication, Trauma recovery, Mind control, Child Abuse, Hope, Hopeful ending.

Summary: Efnisien ap Wledig is an omega born into an all-alpha family. Abandoned by his birth mother and raised by his aunt, he is subjected to a lifetime of medical experimentation and brainwashing and believes himself to be an alpha. But the experiments begin to fail, and he is abandoned yet again to an Omega Rehabilitation Facility, where the family expects he will be retrained into the ‘perfect omega’ and placed in an arranged marriage, or be eliminated if this is no longer possible.

The Facility don’t know about the experiments, and Efnisien doesn’t even know why he’s in there in the first place, since he’s an alpha…isn’t he? One thing’s for certain, he definitely doesn’t need an alpha companion, no matter what the staff at the facility seem to think.

Underline the Black - Chapter 42 - Forced Bonding @ AO3

In which Gary realises Efnisien is unwell, calls Temsen for help, and gets his ass served to him in response. 

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The following early access extras are currently available on the $5+ tiers at Patreon:

Underline the Gold - 02 - Anton/Flitmouse Underline the Red - 03 - Caleb/Faber Underline the Red - 04 - Caleb/Faber The Nascent Diplomat - 32 - Augus/Gwyn Underline the Blue - 03 - Nate/Janusz Underline the Blue - 04 - Nate Janusz

Want another way to support my writing? // I have a Patreon account! // Buy a Ko-Fi!

[not-poignant]

58/? - Underline the Black (omegaverse) - Efnisien/Gary

Title: Underline the Black Rating: Explicit Pairing: Efnisien ap Wledig/Dr Gary Konowalous Tags: Hurt/Comfort, Angst, Darkfic, Disturbing themes, Omegaverse, Alpha/Alpha, no Mpreg, Medical experimentation, Medical trauma, Dominance/Submission, Dystopian universe, Forced bonding, Forced relationship, Imprisonment, Nonconsensual medical procedures, PTSD, Flashbacks, Nightmares, Chronic illness, Mating cycles/Heats, Knotting, Miscommunication, Trauma recovery, Mind control, Child Abuse, Hope, Hopeful ending.

Summary: Efnisien ap Wledig is an omega born into an all-alpha family. Abandoned by his birth mother and raised by his aunt, he is subjected to a lifetime of medical experimentation and brainwashing and believes himself to be an alpha. But the experiments begin to fail, and he is abandoned yet again to an Omega Rehabilitation Facility, where the family expects he will be retrained into the ‘perfect omega’ and placed in an arranged marriage, or be eliminated if this is no longer possible.

The Facility don’t know about the experiments, and Efnisien doesn’t even know why he’s in there in the first place, since he’s an alpha…isn’t he? One thing’s for certain, he definitely doesn’t need an alpha companion, no matter what the staff at the facility seem to think.

Underline the Black - Chapter 58 - You'll Never Be the Same Again @ AO3

In which Gary gets goaded into giving Efnisien his first kiss - not that Efnisien was trying to do that - in the fallout of their first sexual act together.

-

The following early access extras are currently available on the $5+ tiers at Patreon:

Underline the Gold - 03 - Flitmouse/Anton Underline the Gold - 04 - Flitmouse/Anton The Nascent Diplomat - 35 - Augus/Gwyn Underline the Blue - 05 - Nate/Janusz Underline the Blue - 06 - Nate/Janusz Underline the Blue - 07 - Nate/Janusz Underline the Blue - 08 - Nate/Janusz Underline the Red - 05 - Caleb/Faber

Want another way to support my writing? // I have a Patreon account! // Buy a Ko-Fi!

[not-poignant]

Fae Tales - 38/? - Underline the Black - Efnisien/Gary

Title: Underline the Black Rating: Explicit Pairing: Efnisien ap Wledig/Dr Gary Konowalous Tags: Hurt/Comfort, Angst, Darkfic, Disturbing themes, Omegaverse, Alpha/Omega, Medical experimentation, Medical trauma, Dominance/Submission, Dystopian universe, Forced bonding, Forced relationship, Imprisonment, Nonconsensual medical procedures, PTSD, Flashbacks, Nightmares, Chronic illness, Mating cycles/Heats, Knotting, Miscommunication, Trauma recovery, Mind control, Child Abuse, Hope, Hopeful ending.

Summary: Efnisien ap Wledig is an omega born into an all-alpha family. Abandoned by his birth mother and raised by his aunt, he is subjected to a lifetime of medical experimentation and brainwashing and believes himself to be an alpha. But the experiments begin to fail, and he is abandoned yet again to an Omega Rehabilitation Facility, where the family expects he will be retrained into the ‘perfect omega’ and placed in an arranged marriage, or be eliminated if this is no longer possible.

The Facility don’t know about the experiments, and Efnisien doesn’t even know why he’s in there in the first place, since he’s an alpha…isn’t he? One thing’s for certain, he definitely doesn’t need an alpha companion, no matter what the staff at the facility seem to think.

Underline the Black - Chapter 38 - Heartsore @ AO3

In which Gary is unable to tolerate Efnisien asking about James, and shuts him down as swiftly as he can, which puts Efnisien in a bad space. Later, he gets a call from Mike Henton, and considers confiding in him about the situation he's in.

-

The following early access extras are currently available on the $5+ tiers at Patreon:

Underline the Gold - 02 - Anton/Flitmouse Underline the Red - 03 - Caleb/Faber Underline the Red - 04 - Caleb/Faber The Nascent Diplomat - 31 - Augus/Gwyn

Want another way to support my writing? // I have a Patreon account! // Buy a Ko-Fi!

[not-poignant]

44/? - Underline the Black (omegaverse) - Efnisien/Gary

Title: Underline the Black Rating: Explicit Pairing: Efnisien ap Wledig/Dr Gary Konowalous Tags: Hurt/Comfort, Angst, Darkfic, Disturbing themes, Omegaverse, Alpha/Omega, Medical experimentation, Medical trauma, Dominance/Submission, Dystopian universe, Forced bonding, Forced relationship, Imprisonment, Nonconsensual medical procedures, PTSD, Flashbacks, Nightmares, Chronic illness, Mating cycles/Heats, Knotting, Miscommunication, Trauma recovery, Mind control, Child Abuse, Hope, Hopeful ending.

Summary: Efnisien ap Wledig is an omega born into an all-alpha family. Abandoned by his birth mother and raised by his aunt, he is subjected to a lifetime of medical experimentation and brainwashing and believes himself to be an alpha. But the experiments begin to fail, and he is abandoned yet again to an Omega Rehabilitation Facility, where the family expects he will be retrained into the ‘perfect omega’ and placed in an arranged marriage, or be eliminated if this is no longer possible.

The Facility don’t know about the experiments, and Efnisien doesn’t even know why he’s in there in the first place, since he’s an alpha…isn’t he? One thing’s for certain, he definitely doesn’t need an alpha companion, no matter what the staff at the facility seem to think.

Underline the Black - Chapter 44 - Make Good @ AO3

In which Gary monitors Efnisien in the aftermath, and realises he needs to stop being an ass, and actually get Efnisien the phone he promised him. They talk about what happened, even as Efnisien is evasive, Gary still learns more about him than he expected to. 

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The following early access extras are currently available on the $5+ tiers at Patreon:

Underline the Gold - 02 - Anton/Flitmouse Underline the Red - 04 - Caleb/Faber (coming to AO3 in May) The Nascent Diplomat - 32 - Augus/Gwyn Underline the Blue - 03 - Nate/Janusz Underline the Blue - 04 - Nate/Janusz Underline the Blue - 05 - Nate/Janusz

Want another way to support my writing? // I have a Patreon account! // Buy a Ko-Fi!

[not-poignant]

ah! (this is the UtB worldbuilding anon) - i see i made the fundamental error of assuming that The Facilities had any actual medically positive societal function in a fic tagged 'dystopian universe' LMAO (/genuinely, am loling at my own self HA) ; id still like to know what the in-universe justification is, esp for the more 'humane' facilities (hv?) but it sounds like we'll get that in-fic from surprise hottie Gary, so!! i am very very much looking forward to it, thank you again for the Content

Yeahhh that tag 'second class citizens - omegas' is a good one for the general direction the dystopian universe is going in as well. :D

Okay let's talk omegaverse and dystopian tropes!

As for the justification: male omegas, because they can't get pregnant, are generally more useful as trophy husbands. Like alphas generally have a biological drive to mate with omegas, most will end up with one, so the idea is to make them as polite and sweet and passive as possible. Many already are those things, but omegas that have been abused can become repressed, or too scared, or 'abnormal' in other ways and in upper class society can end up in rehabilitation centres (most of which just break them so they're at least passive - Hillview aims for something a bit better than that).

In lower class society many male omegas end up working in prostitution, or just end up with an abusive husband and it doesn't matter what they're like or how they're treated. Most are claimed young and have no option to escape their relationship.

It's really common as a trope in a lot of omegaverse content that omegas are generally second-class citizens. They don't have the same rights to jobs, driver's licences, or universities sometimes. They're not allowed to become doctors or other high responsibility jobs. (This is often blamed on the fact that they go into heat on a semi-regular basis (which stereotypically causes them to lose the ability to consent, and they will be fucked by an alpha near them, because they're desperate to be knotted to calm the intensity of a heat - which makes them easy prey for alphas in this state), and a common trope in omegaverse stories is omegas who live on heat suppressants pretending to be betas or even alphas, so they can access the same rights as others, or just don't have to deal with bullshit. This is the premise of my published novel, Blackwood, in my Perth Shifters series).

Efnisien was raised with the hopes that he would 'become' an alpha, and be treated better if he could just be good enough at it - for him that justified the mutilation, the agony, the sexual assault, being beaten constantly by Gwyn, and more - to give you an idea of just how much omegas don't always want to be omegas. Finding out that Crielle has given up on her project and has abandoned him to a place dedicated to making him a soft, passive, complaint omega to be fucked by an alpha in a relationship he has no control over with a spouse he can't choose for himself (arranged marriages are common for omega, and the norm in high society) is pretty mind-shattering for him.

Even if Hillview does it differently, even if he's away from being literally tortured by his family and has people around him who care for him, it's still a pretty profound fall from grace that he's struggling with. And because he's been raised with the worst (but not inaccurate) picture of the worst of the rehabiltation facilities, he thinks he's about to be treated worse than he was growing up.

He's not. But he doesn't know that yet, and we - as the reader (well I suppose I'm the writer but go with me here) - are only learning that over time ourselves.

The fact is, most omegas that aren't Efnisien actually are a lot more placid, docile, gentle, or easily controlled. They are easily taken advantage of. There's less omegas and alphas in this world than betas (though it doesn't seem like it because of the setting, so I need to find a way to get that worldbuilding in there), so they're often left to their own devices, because betas be out here having mostly regular relationships with each other, and the world has generally internalised 'omegas are so helpless they need an alpha to look out for them, so it's better they're in a not great relationship that isn't ideal, than being gang-raped on the streets by random alphas who will take advantage of them' (and sadly, this is sometimes true).

Gary is pretty groundbreaking as an omega psychologist who simply believes in an omega's autonomy. While he's not doing a great job of that in a one-on-one situation, the fact that Hillview is the way that it is already makes it extremely challenging within this dystopian universe. But because he's been raised in a world that has these views about omegas, he has that clash of - this is what I philosophically believe and this is what this centre is for vs. what he's internalised alongside the fact that he's not actually attracted to omegas.

We'll get more into this psychology and the nature of this world as the story goes along! But this is the cliff notes version of where we're at.

I hope that helps anon! As always, you're welcome to ask more questions and some I will and some I won't (mostly around spoilers or what I think is coming up soon in the story etc.) :D

[not-poignant]

Hey Pia, enjoyed the latest FFS chapter. Was a bit confused though, as to why Dr Gary didn't bring up trying to repair or heal Gwyn and Ef's relationship with a mediator or therapist as an option. Maybe it wouldn't work out, maybe Gwyn would refuse, but seems like both of them have demonstrated concern for the other's well-being and might benefit from a trained expert helping them find ways to stop hurting each other. Breaking contact as the only fix-it feels sad.

Ooo, this is a good thing to talk about.

The tl;dr answer is: Because Dr Gary has never actually felt that to be a constructive or a helpful idea.

His general feeling is that he wants to see Efnisien less enmeshed and codependent with his cousin and his abuse victim, and he’s never thought that mediation between an abuser and their victim while both are still processing massive issues towards their families (and each other) was going to be the best option. Especially given that Efnisien was in love with Gwyn. It’s rare that mediation between a non-consensual incestuous relationship between an abuser and their victim after the victim has tried to beat the abuser to death is going to be like...the first option that someone will go for.

In Dr Gary’s view, he would consider mediation after Efnisien has spent some time away from Gwyn, and they can both come back together as independent equals.

I also don’t think Gwyn would be interested in it. And Augus would have a very hard line against it, like ‘NO YOU’RE NEVER DOING THAT, IT’S ONCE A MONTH OR NOTHING AT ALL’ - it’s not like Gwyn has ever shown an inclination to wanting to see Efnisien more or wanting to get closer to him - even this visit, Gwyn only expressed more token concern because he didn’t want Efnisien to go out and rape people - that’s it. I’m sure once he feels Efnisien is ‘neutered’ again he’ll go back to talking about his own life and vanishing. Honestly, I don’t believe Gwyn is genuinely concerned about Efnisien. His concern to me feels rote and token, a sort of ‘well I didn’t know it was still hard for you sometimes. But that’s no excuse to rape your boyfriend. Oh well. See ya.’

But anyway, beyond Gwyn and his life, it’s mostly that Dr Gary doesn’t really believe in going that direction. I’m sure Efnisien suggested it a ton when he was in Hillview and missing Gwyn like crazy, and I’m sure Dr Gary had about 2,000 ways to be like ‘actually, right now, Gwyn needs time away from what you’ve done to him, and you need time away from the person who tried to beat you to death and was only stopped because he was afraid of the law vs. afraid of killing you.’

Breaking contact as the only fix-it feels sad. 

I mean, in some ways it is, but largely if you view it through the lens of thinking they were ever going to be really good or healthy for each other beyond standalone moments or actions. (Which is why it’s going to be sad for Efnisien, when he realises he does need to step away).

I don’t think that Efnisien and Gwyn will never contact each other again, but I do think this fic will end on them separating and being aware that they need time - years really - apart to mature as people. And I don’t think it’s a ‘fix-it’ - I think it’s the best option for two people who can be extremely damaging to each other, and are taking turns.

I do think mediation could actually help Gwyn and Efnisien split more amicably, but it would still be with a view towards splitting (there are couples who go to couples counselling to make their divorce more amicable, it’s not like therapists only exist to keep two people who don’t want to be around each other; together).

But Efnisien is extremely protective of his sessions with Dr Gary these days, I don’t think he’d want Gwyn to meet Dr Gary, and I don’t think Dr Gary would think it was fair on Gwyn to conduct mediation without Gwyn’s therapist there, and I’m not sure Gwyn’s therapist would think it was a good idea either, given how much Gwyn still has to work through re: feelings towards Efnisien and his family, and how unsafe it would be for him to work through those feelings while Efnisien was in the room. (Both unsafe for Efnisien, and to a lesser degree, unsafe for himself).

To me it doesn’t feel sad, because I know Efnisien will be far happier with Gwyn out of his life instead of in it, and vice versa. Like I know Efnisien will be sad, but I think the way his life will grow when he steps away from his family will turn that sadness into a gift.

I know some people just want Gwyn and Efnisien to get along, and that’s definitely a great reason to write some fanfic about them to give them that ‘fix-it’ if you believe it could work. I don’t, so I can’t and don’t want to write it. To me, it could never be an option as a fix-it, it would just be a toxic choice that would hurt them both. Even if they had mediation, I think the conclusion they would both come to is just a more polite and compassionate version of ‘let’s not see each for like five years and then see what happens.’ Sometimes the kindest thing you can do for someone you love, is walk away and/or let them go. Gwyn doesn’t really love Efnisien, but Efnisien loves Gwyn, and I think he’s coming to see that...for both of their sake’s, he needs to really consider what either of them are getting out of those visits.

[not-poignant]

Hello, I love your writing and I love how you manage to write complex characters and antagonists I can totally sympathize with (Augus, my precious), so I was wondering if you have any advice on that? Also, how do you decide on a love interest for your MC? Sorry if this is too broad of a question, but your writing advice is always super helpful.

Hiya

I‘m glad you’re enjoying the writing! Honestly I don’t know if I’m going to do a good job of explaining these things, but I hope whatever I say helps!

Writing a sympathetic antagonist

Firstly, most importantly, they have to be sympathetic! I know I know, that sounds stupid, and obvious, but it’s true. Don’t expect every reader to still like your antagonist, they won’t. Not everyone likes villain, antagonist or even antihero fiction.

Re: garnering sympathy:

Show the character as genuinely vulnerable. (Consider Augus being hurt by Gwyn in the dungeon, even if most of it slid off of him, that gag certainly didn’t). (Consider that even though Eran is Mosk’s captor and actually not a very nice person, we understand his motivations for being mean - he has lost his entire family, and he believes Mosk is the reason. He’s shown experiencing constant culture shock, totally alone, and he doesn’t understand the new world he finds himself in). (Consider that Efnisien is living an extremely bleak life, post violent injury, and that he is shown to be vulnerable to his own patterns of thinking).

Show the shift in their attitude that makes them more relatable, or that gives the readers hope that they’re not about to revert back to who they used to be. (Augus clearly being far more even-minded and less destructive for the sake of it). (Eran constantly questioning how Mosk could be capable of his evil, and double-checking on himself, and it obviously being insecurity when he decides that Mosk is evil after all). (Efnisien is forcing himself to attend very personally challenging therapy sessions, and we can see that not only has he not hurt anyone in 3 years, we can see evidence of a life lived that tries to avoid opportunities to hurt people ever again).

Make them human, create common ground. Show them eating food, getting dressed, responding to a major (or minor) injury. Show them loving another character even if they only ever love one other character (Augus saying ‘careful’ to Ash in Shadows and Light was actually the moment that some readers fell in love with him or became intensely curious about him - and so while most readers came around to him in Game Theory, just having Augus genuinely love and feel protective towards his brother was enough to create sympathy and empathy). (Consider Efnisien and his love for Gwyn). (Consider Eran’s love for his family). Make it so that people literally can go ‘oh, I eat food that way’ or ‘oh, I’ve tried to hide an injury before’ or ‘that’s how I get dressed’ or ‘I hate summer too.’ Give them details that can stack up over time and create common ground.

In the case of characters who have done absolutely egregious things, whump the everloving fuck out of them. Like, this was legit a thing I did in Game Theory *deliberately* in order to create increased sympathy for Augus. Even people who have the most intense revenge fantasies re: a character burn out on them after a while. A person who is like ‘yeah I can’t wait to see them tortured and suffering and going through awful pain’ will, very often, get that and realise they didn’t want that much of it. And they will turn to sympathy instead. It’s worked an absolute fucking treat with Augus and Efnisien in particular.

Have someone who is worse opposite your antagonist. (Augus had the Nightingale. Eran has Olphix and Davix and, well, Mosk’s entire family. Efnisien has Crielle and Lludd). Give your villain a villain.

*

That’s it. You don’t have to make them ‘good.’ You don’t have to rationalise what they did. You don’t have to make excuses for what they’ve done or what they’ll do in the future. Your readers can make up their own minds on that, and they will, with or without your guidance. Augus can still be a waterhorse that eats people and sometimes uses compulsions because he’s impatient. Gwyn can still just straight up murder people without giving them much (or any) warning first.

When you don’t encourage sympathy based on a ‘good/bad’ binary, you can still have your antagonists and villains kind of stay where they are. They might do heroic things, they might do villainous things, the point of empathy is that they’re often doing and thinking relatable things, even if the subsequent actions aren’t themselves relatable.

I don’t do these things for villains that I don’t want to be sympathetic. But I must admit, I am enjoying showing different facets of Davix in The Ice Plague, even though I don’t really intend for him to be a transformed villain or anything.

Deciding on a love interest

This one is harder. Mostly because in some ways, it’s ‘simpler’ on the surface. All you’re doing is looking for a character who has qualities that strengthen your other character, and balance out the imbalances in your primary character and vice versa. They will need to have some things in common too. They also need to get along, and have a reason to get along (especially if it’s rivals to lovers).

Like, it’s hard to describe how I do this because I don’t spend a lot of time on this part. I tend to just...idk, ‘know’ what another character needs and build off that. And that’s fucking useless to break down for other people. BUT, it does mean I can at least use my doofuses as examples:

Augus and Gwyn: They are both people who favour diplomacy over war, but can be extraordinarily bloodthirsty when a situation calls for it, and they’re both actually pretty snarky and bitchy people (things in common). Augus is proud of his sexuality and does not see the point in not fully embracing who you are as a monster, Gwyn rejects his monstrous self and is not proud of his sexuality or his role as a sub (Augus strengthens Gwyn in this, and complements what Gwyn lacks). Gwyn is extremely bold and secure in his ability to manage a Kingdom and also protect his loved ones, he is very able to step forwards into his future decisively, fully confident in his ability to do what is best for the people around him and the nation (Gwyn strengthens Augus in this, and complements Augus’ insecurities in this area).

You can find lots of other examples of complementary traits in Augus and Gwyn in particular (Augus had a happier family, Gwyn didn’t. Gwyn has military and physical training, Augus mostly hasn’t. Augus understands fashion and courtiers, Gwyn doesn’t. Gwyn understands tracking and large-scale military operations, Augus doesn’t. Augus understands finer interpersonal relationships, Gwyn doesn’t. Gwyn understands politicking that’s specifically malicious or manipulative (like the Raven Prince, Augus doesn’t).

Mosk and Eran: They are both people who are extremely determined and share a common goal (Mosk took a little while to get online with that goal, but okay). They are both actually very earnest at their hearts and want people to be happy with them, and they both need guidance from people in positions of authority. They’re both hot-headed (in different ways, but they both absolutely fly off the handle all the fucking time). Ultimately, they want to feel warm and supported (things in common).

Mosk is extremely aesthetic and cares for beautiful things and scenery, at all times, he tends to tune into an environment based on its beauty, Eran on the other hand tends to be a bit stuck in the past, and isn’t always quick to see the beauty in the present. (Mosk enriches Eran’s life in the present, but helping him to focus on what might be beautiful in the present). Eran likes to feel as though he’s helping people and he needs to feel needed, Mosk needs someone to take care of him (Eran enriching Mosk).

Tbh you could come up with a lot of examples. Places where they ‘complement’ each other are also places of potential conflict. Eran being hopeful and optimistic is definitely a point of contention between Mosk and Eran when it clashes against Mosk’s pessimism, even though it’s good for Mosk to be around more hopeful attitudes, and it’s good for Eran to be more realistic sometimes.

ANYWAY. Basically, yeah, I... this second part I’m a lot worse at, sorry. The process of coming up with love interests is very organic, and I don’t actually like, sit down and plan these things. Which means I don’t have a formula to share. (I am very much just making shit up as I go).

Idk if any of that is helpful, but I hope it is. <333

Please don’t listen to my writing advice lol.

[not-poignant]

(this might be a bit personal, and by all means please don't feel pressured to answer) but considering how dark some of your stuff can get, have you ever been troubled by some of the characters/their actions in your stories (and semi-related) had to take some time to cope with writing a difficult scene?

This is a tough one so I’m going to put a lot of it under a read more (sorry phone browsers).

I’ve had the occasional moment of struggling with content because of being troubled by it.

But by contrast it’s funny because, I think some of the most difficult scenes for others, are actually some of the easiest for me to write. For example, the chapter where Connor is basically kidnapped by Gabriel and given the highball, was so easy to write it was like swimming (which is the only sports-like skill I’m good at). If everything could be like that, oh my goodness, I can’t even imagine. It was an intense, emotionally fraught, joyful experience of the likes I don’t know how to explain to other people who don’t experience that.

So there’s not always any rhyme or reason to it either. I struggled with significant chunks of Strange Sights. I couldn’t finish The Drawn Bead because it just felt like we were heading towards torture porn but I also knew I couldn’t do justice to the horror of Gwyn’s memory AND it has a tragic ending and I struggle to write those for longer pieces. I tend to struggle with characters being separated from each other. So the beginning of Into Shadows We Fall, when Jack and Pitch are completely separated from each other, that was so difficult for me personally, that I actually ended up massively shortening how long they were meant to be separated for. Even though Pitch and Jack have a really thorny relationship when Pitch is returned, I still preferred that to their being absent from each other.

But I didn’t have as much of a problem with it, when it was Gwyn and Augus.

It’s not predictable, sometimes I enjoy writing the troubling content on a very visceral level. Either because I feel like I’m in my element as a writer. Or I know it’s going to be so satisfying (for me) for the character to recover from it later. Or I know that it’s going to lead to something I’ve been craving writing. I mean I wouldn’t write so much of that kind of content if I didn’t get something really tangible out of it.

There are still things that surprise me, still scenes that become more difficult as I write them, not because of ‘technical writing reasons’ but because of the thematic content. Often, for me, it highlights things I probably won’t enjoy writing again. Strange Sights for me worked as a series of oneshots, but as a long-term abusive and rape-filled relationship, it didn’t actually become comfortable for me until Augus began to be allowed to have boundaries. So I probably won’t write a couple that toxic ever again outside of novellas and PWPs. With the beginning of Into Shadows We Fall, I learned I had to be really careful with character separation, and that three chapters was about my limit (from memory, I think I stuck to this - or just about - in COFT).

But...maybe it would make people feel better if I said I really struggled with writing Gavril taunting Jack. Or Jack being whipped by Bunnymund. Or Augus torturing him in chapter 4 of ISWF. Or Gwyn being tormented by his mother. Or Mosk having flashbacks of Davix and Olphix. I find them intense, sure, but I don’t dislike doing it. Even though I often really feel for the character who is experiencing the torment. Gwyn goes through a fairly graphic description an MRI the next chapter in SOTS, and though I myself actually had an MRI phobia for a few years (it was the reason I developed claustrophobia), I found the scene itself disturbing, but deeply satisfying enough that I wouldn’t call it something where I needed to take time out to cope.

As for me being troubled by how the characters are actually behaving... This is tricky. I mean of course a lot of them are doing stupid, terrible, harmful, cruel, illegal things. I don’t condone it in reality. But thinking of these things happening in fiction is different to thinking about them happening in reality. The fact is, ‘dubcon’ in reality is just rape, and if I applied real world standards to non-real scenarios filled with tropes and the Id, yeah sure, I would be troubled, but I’d also not be writing any of this content.

As an addendum to that, for me their behaviour always makes sense to me from their perspective. Whether it’s Mosk being emotionally abusive with no concept of it. Gwyn raping Augus. Augus killing Efnisien. Pitch in TGATNW being heartless and constantly pushing Jack away with very cruel behaviour. Even Davix and Olphix. Whatever their behaviour is, if I can understand their motives behind it, I tend to struggle with it a lot less.

I don’t like to squick myself with my own writing, as a general rule. So no, I’m not looking to write things where I need to take breaks from my own writing to cope. But I think to be blunt, my life is filled with things more challenging than what I put a lot of my characters through, and my emotional ability to handle disturbing behaviour is broader than I think it would be for some other people. It doesn’t mean I lack empathy or compassion, if anything I hope that through my writing, people can see that I have great compassion for the characters that often suffer the most, through my need to build up a chosen/found family around them, and pour love onto them, even if they don’t know what to do with it.

Those that are here in the pit of ‘enjoying Pia’s writing’ are probably here because the comfort when it comes is - I hope - tangible and visceral, the loneliness when it’s comforted away reaches past the screen and means something. And holding onto that thread myself is why I enjoy the hurt part of the hurt/comfort as much as the comfort part, but also why I don’t like to write one without the other.

And finally, most of my POV characters, by the time we get to them, have been through their darkest moments in their pasts. The only way we often access their worst moments is through flashbacks, memories, dialogue or their aversions. That might feel very extreme to some, but for me, it means by the time we get to them, they’re already starting to recover something for themselves. The worst has happened.

Even if they go through something during the story, say - Connor in Eversion with Gabriel - I just think ‘it’s okay, they’re already in the story, their support is there, they’re going to be okay.’ It’s...extremely rare for me to write stories where the character goes through their worst trauma within the story. Science of Fear is an exception to that, but as most people know if they’ve read it - Nathan blacks out early on, and then once more, we only find out the details of his worst trauma in the form of nightmares, flashbacks and dialogue.

That’s partly because I feel personally that I write trauma recovery stories, and not trauma stories (it doesn’t sound like a huge difference, but to me it’s a huge difference). And then secondly because there is a buffer through the trauma itself being in the form of a memory. That...makes it a lot easier for me to cope with. I’ve spent my entire life learning how to cope with flashbacks, after all. But also, even if the character is clearly destroyed by a flashback, the fact is, they survived it. The flashback is living proof they survived it.

But anyway, I’d say me taking breaks from my own writing because of disturbing content specifically doesn’t really happen anymore and I can’t remember the last time it did. I take breaks because I’m struggling with a chapter - i.e. how to write it mechanically, or because I feel like it doesn’t have the emotional strength I want it to have yet. I am actually very comfortable with many of the themes I write, I’d have a far squickier, grosser, harder time writing pregnancy, or a story filled with only fluff, which is y’know, why...I don’t really write those things, lol. I’m too much of a hedonist to want to write content that scared me away from my own content? Like, you do you, folks, but I’m going to be over here actually enjoying what I write, disturbing matter and all.

That doesn’t mean other people can’t have a hard time with it. It’s totally okay for people to take breaks from whatever they read, for whatever reason. And since a lot of the characters I write do engage in troubling behaviour, it wouldn’t be great if people said ‘that behaviour is okay to do in real life’ because it isn’t. But if someone said ‘god I love that villain because he’s awful’ then yeah, I’m right there with pom poms, because that’s my jam too. And if someone else said ‘I can’t stand that villain because he’s awful’ then yeah, that’s awesome as well.

And if people need to take breaks while reading what I’m writing because they’re engaging in self-care, then good! I’ve needed to do the same with other people’s writing. Because the journey of the reader is different to the journey of the writer (this is for me, truest when writing porn, lmao, I’m not turning myself on when I write those scenes, but I sure as hell hope I’m turning on at least some readers --> so if I’m not walking away from the disturbing content in my own writing, that doesn’t mean I’m not hoping people won’t be disturbed when reading it).