#guys he IS a twink hes literally the definition of a twink

[castleofravens]

“Fintan isn’t a twink” “calling fintan a twink reduces/degrades his character” im gonna hold your hand while i tell you this…

[ahsterios]

Dirk Strider is so fucking funny holy shit i love him

[neverendingford]

.

[mosslingg]

The book of bill and the arg attached to it are so funny actually. The book? no structure. Yes, the storytelling is clear but if it was an actual novel? No one would even look at the it. They literally turned it into a magazine at one point. The Great Gatsby just suddenly appears which is THE ONLY NOVEL PART OF IT AND IT'S NOT EVEN WRITTEN BY THE GUYS THAT MADE THE BOOK. The narrator? He's speaking to you through codes that no neurotypical would even bother to look into. The chaos this book is is impossible to describe through words. Trevor Henderson contributed apparently?? Yknow the siren head guy?? AND there's a website??? You type in mickey mouse in it and it doesn't show anything "for your safety". You can type swear words which definitely had to be approved by Disney. Also matpat is canon now ig. Oh and there's a guy that has not one but TWO situationships happening at the same time. One of the guys he has the situationship with is married btw. The antagonist, who is the second situationship, is in interdimensional therapy. His twink version became canon. Also he got drunk after his situationship dumped him. Literally the funniest thing.

TLDR; alex hirch is a wonderful man and we should protect him at all cost

[phas3d]

Hi there! I’m not sure if your still taking requests, but I would love to know your thoughts on how Lorenzo, Theo, Draco, Mattheo, and Tom would react to their s/o wearing their hoodie/sweater. I was thinking headcanons or a Drabble but anything would be great! I really love writing and hope you feel inspired to write even more soon!

Wearing Their Clothes | Slytherin Boys

type :: fluff

tw/cw :: calling theo a man whore, calling enzo a twink,

contains :: draco, tom, mattheo, theodore, lorenzo

notes :: inspired by uhh, nothing really - this prompt has been in my draft for ages and i finallyyyy finished it - THANK YOU to everyone who sends requests, I'm finally getting to them

DRACO MALFOY

When you complained about being cold, he instantly started lecturing you

"I told you it would get cold but your little pea brain didn't process that"

But while he's lecturing you, he's taking off his jumper and handing it to you

It smells like him and it's super soft

He only buys the best material for his clothes, because duhhh

He lets you wear it until you're somewhere warm

Although he loves you, he loves his jumper more

But he does sacrifice some of his jumpers by letting you wear them because, he hates to admit it, but you look super cute in his clothes

TOM RIDDLE

He watches you shiver for a few minutes until he decides to offer his jacket

You could literally be turning blue but he won't offer his jacket until he feels like it

He sighs, as if you asked for his jacket, and drapes his jacket around your shoulders

And guess what,,, he even ZIPS IT UP FOR YOU

AHHHH

Even though he's a dickhead at times, he's still a gentleman

When you put on his jacket, he slightly smirks at how big it is on you

Not cause you're cute, but because it makes him feel powerful to know he's bigger

MATTHEO RIDDLE

Is so so happy when he sees you out in the cold during his quidditch match

He's beaming and passes by you in the bleachers for a quick second as he throws his spare jersey in your arms

When you put it on, you smell his sweat and musk

Which would smell disgusting to some but to you, that's your boy :)

During his game, he glances over at you and smiles when he sees you wearing it

It helps push him to win even more

THEODORE NOTT

Sadly, Theo is a man-whore

Meaning he is always serving cunt,,, meaning he rarely wears jackets or sweaters

So if you're cold,,, so is he

Buttt on the lucky chance he is actually wearing a jacket and hiding his muscles, he doesn't hesitate to give you his jacket

And his jackets are 10 times better because not only is it always great material, clean, but it's also stylish

He always takes pictures of you when you wear his jacket, it makes him feel so happy and giddy

It kinda inspires him to try and style outfits for you to wear

Possibly plans matching outfits, that way if you get cold and he needs to give you his jacket - it will match both of you :)

This man is a THINKER!!! mwah

LORENZO BERKSHIRE

This man is a twig, twink, pocket sized

He will fly away in the wind like a napkin

BUT luckily, he loves getting massively oversized hoodies

It smells like the woods, a hint of lavender, but mostly fresh grass and sunlight is his scent

He loves to cool and comfy looks it gives - always gets a cool ass design on it as well

When you borrow his hoodies, he gets so giddy

He loves it so much since it's like he's claiming you in a way

Similar to how you leave hair ties, claw clips, and extra lip glosses all over his room

Definitely stacks up on big hoodies, that way you have a bunch of options to choose from

Even gets you guys matching designs in different colors

[big-mommy-melkors]

Of all the male companions in bg3 i think wyll is the only one whose physical build makes total sense. he's a dancer and essentially a fantasy superhero who spends his time roughing it in the wilds, him being lean and muscular makes sense

Imo Gale should have a really average Just Some Guy dad bod. He's hitting the library, not the gym

Astarion was subsisting on the occasional rat and plus he's kinda just an old twink, he'd be scrawny. Maybe have a cute little primordial pouch

Halsin's whole thing is literally being the bear guy, he should be FAT. he is not ready for hibernation with that six pack smh. Also hairier.

Minsc is definitely a big burly brawler, that part works, but he should also have a bit of belly fat to protect those muscles. Think a gladiator.

[tpwk-formula1]

Lee Lee's 2024 Favorites

I have decided to compile some of my favorite F1 authors and fics I have read this year into one document! I hope you guys love these as much as me or find new things to love!

You will come to realize exactly who my favorites are based on my reading habits lol... I consume every driver but I definitely have my favorites

Authors (Literally everything they write I consume like a crackhead)

@emchante (I eat this shit up morning, day, and night... Lately been DEVOURING soft core porn streamer)

@uglyducklingofthe2000s

@bonbonly (When I tell you I'm an absolute SLUT for her writing it's not even slightly funny...I found her writing only a couple days ago and I'm so glad)

@themultifanshipper

SMAUs

cats and dogs - mv1 @harrysfolklore

bright lights, big City - ln4 by @5sospenguinqueen

Smut

1-800-SEXHOTLINE - DR3 by Like I genuinely think about this fic on a daily basis... Roman Empire type shit

Lando x Fanco x Oscar X Reader by @papaya-twinks

landoscar 4+1 kiss things by @mxstellatayte

life is like a box of chocolates - landoscar by @dilemmaontwolegs

poker? I hardly know her - landoscar by @themultifanshipper

big sister - ln4 by @papaya-twinks

guess part 2 - cs55 by @eloves-writes

cherry sundress - mv1 by @norizz-nation

max verstappen @bunny-jpeg

He's so pretty when he goes down on me - mv1 by @aliwritex

Series

F1 Uni Series by @livwritessometimes

Three's a Formula by @fanfictionismyaddiction (only 2 chapters have been posted and there's a chance it's no longer being written for however I'm obsessed with the plot line)

Kinktober 2024 by @bbreezyxoxo (not fully completed HOWEVER... still very much worth a read!)

Sip of sunshine by @httpsserene (OG found on AO3 and have genuinely thought about this series since - Still being updated)

My favorite I wrote

Making Our Own Movie - LN4

Paddock Bunnies Series

Kinktober Day 12 - CL16/PG10

[anifever]

i cant hold it in anymore!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!!1!1 i <3 johnny cade so much, could you do some hcs for him please?

Johnny Cade Dating HCs ˚୨୧⋆｡˚ ⋆

Johnny Cade x Fem!Reader

୨୧ : What I think dating Johnny would include 😋

A/N : He’s so gorgeous it makes me sick, also sorry this is kinda short

˖⁺‧₊˚ 🦴 ˚₊‧⁺˖

୨ Ppl need to stop mischaracterizing him as an innocent femboy puppy twink I’m gonna cry

୨ Anyways

୨ Watching stray cats together and labeling each one as the gang members

୨ ^ Dallas is a black and hissy one 😇

୨ There’s literally no doubt that he stays at your house almost all the time

୨ Definitely has a room of his own or just sleeps on the couch

୨ Stargazing every few nights in the lot

୨ He learns a lot of the constellations from some book Pony had lying around to try and impress you

୨ He’s an insanely good listener

୨ If you need to pour your heart out and rant or simply gossip about something, he’s your guy

୨ He never interrupts- not just because he’s quiet, he’s just taking it all in and being respectful

୨ He always stands up for you whether it’s to some rando, Soc, or one of the guys bothering you (even though he def gets nervous the same way he did when he stood up to Dallas for Cherry)

୨ But like he doesn’t care because it’s you

୨ He whistles random tunes to try and help you sleep and also just in general when he’s bored

୨ He cannot take compliments for the life of him (using the word life lightly)

୨ He either just brushes it off or gets awkward

୨ Say anything about his looks in public and he gets sheepish and starts kicking a rock LMFAOO

୨ He ties you makeshift rings out of flowers

୨ He always asks you for permission before doing stuff like kissing, etc

୨ Helps you tie/untie your shoes even if you’re perfectly capable

୨ He does random stuff for you without any hesitation

୨ Oh you dropped a pencil? He’s got it. You take him shopping with you? He’s carrying the bags. You want something that you’re definitely closer to? He’s getting it for you anyways.

୨ There’s a lottttt of comforting and reassurance being done considering all he’s been through

୨ You and Two-Bit would gladly join eachother in yelling at or fighting his parents

୨ You always patch him up after he gets jumped or has altercations at home

୨ He usually just lets his wounds heal by themselves, but nope, you make him let you help

୨ Anyways, you’re one of the only people he can fully relax around without feeling constantly on edge

୨ Like you see that boy with his shoulders slumped and stress free- very rare occurrence

୨ Sometimes you beg him to not put grease in his hair so you can freely play with it

୨ He’s a little shy most of the time but the longer you’re together he gets more sly

୨ He’s taking after Dallas…

୨ Like he musters up the courage to do the stupid arm around shoulder thing while you guys are watching a movie and thinks it was so clever

୨ He’s constantly admiring you

୨ You could be in pajamas and he’d be staring, but he’ll be extra star struck if you dress up even slightly

୨ Cue Dallas making jokes about him catching flies

[cro-fiishy]

pkciv dash simulator

⭐ my-friend mutuals

I love my IRL friend to death, but I don't think he knows my real name. He just calls me "His Friend".

⭐ my-friend mutuals

I asked him about it and he looked at me funny and said "I mean you are my friend, right?" and I didn't have the heart to press further.

⭐ my-friend mutuals

Beginning to develop a Pavlovian response to the word "friend".

⭐ my-friend mutuals

New username :/

👴🏽 oldchamp-deactivated mutuals

I Cant Feel My Legs

🔄 vineboomsound

are u ok,????? what hapened :(

👴🏽 oldchamp-deactivated mutuals

DMs

🔄 vineboomsound

about to jump into the bottomless void. if i dont post again in like 5 minutes then dont let anyone take the temple decor down

🔄 vineboomsound

i just got jumped?,????

🔄 vineboomsound

THEY R HUNTING ME FOR SPORT :(

🔄 vineboomsound

nvm actaully that was fire. no one here knows how to do three-sixties i got htis

🐢 chain-male follow

hey

🔄 vineboomsound

oh God get me Out of here

🐢 chain-male follow

the "male" in my name is short for mansplain manipulate malewife

🥀 guard1 follow

this job is soooo boooring. at least i get to hang out with the bestie later :D

🔄 vineboomsound

thats great man haha

🔄 vineboomsound

🐢 chain-male follow

@ vineboomsound hurry up bro the level will freeze over before you get back

🔄 vineboomsound

ok asshole you try parkouring on ice and literal glass shards while also evading local authorities.

🐢 chain-male follow

what, you want me to kiss it better??? whiny ass

🔄 vineboomsound

i want you to starve in that sand house

🐢 chain-male follow

you wanna fuck me so bad it makes you look stupid

🥀 guard1 follow

i just don't know what to do now that he's gone.

🖤 allyyyyy follow

sorry for your loss. do you want to hunt the champion and plan our revenge together

🥀 guard1 follow

yeah

🔄 vineboomsound

has anyone heard from @ my-friend lately :(

📕 dustypage-deactivated following

I just remembered my password! :-)

🔄 vineboomsound

well this is gonna be an awkward one to explain

🐢 chain-male follow

i'm so hungry like it's not even funny

🔄 vineboomsound

skill issue im still not giving you my boots

🐢 chain-male follow

i'd rather you just call me a homophobic slur at this point

🖤 allyyyyy follow

questioning my duties

🖤 allyyyyy follow

stalking that guy

🖤 allyyyyy follow

questioning my duties again

🖤 allyyyyy follow

fuck it i'm sending the ask

🔄 vineboomsound

anonymous asked: hey . just wanted to let you know that you're following someone really problematic. check your dms

ummm What !

🔄 vineboomsound

ok what hte fuck !

🔄 vineboomsound

actually this isnt surprising at all what am i saying lmao

🐢 chain-male follow

call me a wife the way i'm pining for a man's long-awaited return

🐢 chain-male follow

and also the way i'm plotting and conspiring

🐢 chain-male follow

call me a wife the way i'm scheming in the kitchen

🔄 vineboomsound

??? HUH

🐢 chain-male follow

dont worry about it <3

🔄 vineboomsound

no yeah his ass is definitely evil

🔄 vineboomsound

his ass........

⭐ my-friend mutuals

Evbo,. send hel p

🔄 vineboomsound

MY FRIEND??????

🐢 chain-male follow

about to make twink death literal in more ways than one <3

end of simulation

[can-of-w0rmz]

I find it so funny how adaptations and pop culture for Frankenstein feel the need to paint “Dr. Frankenstein” as either a batshit crazy old man or a hot mentally unstable guy in his 30s, when in reality Victor Frankenstein in the original novel is just a sickly gay autistic teenager, who does definitely not have a doctorate, written by a 17-year-old goth girl who created the genre of science fiction.

It’s just so funny to me how pop culture is just like, “yeah, Dr. Frankenstein, the ‘ooOoh my peers criticised my science but I’ll show them!’ And ‘it’s alive!’ guy.” when in reality Victor Frankenstein just shows up to class fully “uhm, achtually 🤓☝️” style, then proceeds to rant about his boyfriend best buddy and how hot and amazing he is for pages and pages and pages. What peers? His classmates who probably just know him as “oh, that one.”??? The man is a twink who dropped out of university and due to his avoidance of consequences (not his “whining”, bad character analysis, I see you) by the end he’s driven himself so far to his own demise that he’s just an absolute sopping wet cat of a man. Stop trying to age him up at the beginning or make him hotter or “more mature”, the public deserves to know this twink like we do. And please stop making the creature an inarticulate mess with literally no character to him whatsoever, give us our edgy “i just read this Bible fanfic and Satan is just like me fr” lad we know and love

[fictional-twink-bracket]

Propaganda

(PT: Propaganda)

Joke

he's a little shit (affectionate). definition of fighting a guy to get him on me and then going "ohh you want to kiss me so badddd"

Yelena

sometimes it takes a 190cm woman to win the best twink bracket

Edgar (art by @lazy-toad. He has no official art, so I have permission to use his)

deranged twink that fell in love with the guy trying to steal top secret government info from him and now they’re in a loving relationship. he’s going to die of a brain hemorrhage (possibly????) in six-ish years. there’s an evil version of him that cyberbullied his boyfriend but a little bit to the left. he’s the brains of the time travel organization that he, his boyfriend, his boyfriend’s friend that has killed said boyfriend before, and two of his coworkers. he killed two versions of his boyfriend to save one. he can’t eat gluten. he can’t stop saying the wildest shit. he has a thing for cowboys and it becomes a central theme of the plot. the first description we ever get of him is “he’s a twink, i don’t need to explain what a twink is, you know, i know, blond twink at the desk”. he and his boyfriend call each other gross and sappy pet names that make everyone want to puke up their guts. he’s even left handed.

Literally the first time he's introduced he's first described as being a twink. He's also first described to be a relatively normal person but as the show goes on it turns out he's actually a little bit deranged, he claims that iterations (time travel duplicates) of people are no different than the "original" person yet is weirdly willing to kill iterations of his boyfriend whenever necessary. He and his boyfriend do have a healthy relationship however, and it's maybe even TOO healthy as they are disgusting and annoy everyone around them with their love. He met said boyfriend because he worked at a front desk at a top secret government facility and this guy manipulated him into sharing top secret codes with him. He is aware of this and they are in a loving relationship regardless and we know from future iterations of his boyfriend that they are going to continue to be gross and in love untill he drops dead in eight years from a brain hemorrhage. That's right! He's not just a deranged twink! He's a doomed twink! An iteration of Edgar found out that he was going to die in eight years and as a result he decided he'd turn to cyber bullying an iteration of himself and his boyfriend in an attempt to turn all of his friends against him. He even got axe murdered inside a wall one time! He thinks cowboys are hot and as a result the future widowed iteration of his boyfriend is now a cowboy.

Kurapika

No propaganda submitted

Akito Shinonome

he has to be gay or homophobic (look at him) and because pjsk is for the queers we're gonna have to go with gay

Kenjirou Minami

No propaganda submitted

[p0rk-guts]

HUSKER!!!! Husk. Whatever. THIS OLD CAT!!!! ^ - ^

comparison + breakdown ⬇️

Look idk what possible lore reasons there could be for Husk having bird wings and tail feathers whether it's hidden somewhere online or to be determined later in the show even though I can't for the life of me even guess why they're there (if you've got any hc's tho I'd love to hear em) but I just got rid of em entirely, at least for the time being. Declutters him a little. They're definitely a little much.

And I've always hated those buttons on his chest fur... Are they part of his pattern.... Are they hot glued on...... What is it with Viv and melting clothing and flesh together.........

He also does NOT look 60-70 like at all (pretty sure that's canon but I just got it off the wiki) so I tried to remedy that by giving him more wrinkles and creases. He's a Persian cat thing now bc some of them really do be lookin like mustache wearing old guys fr. Also his neck fluff is sorta supposed to allude to facial hair w/ some greying sprinkled in! He's officially like... 62 now. + He's fatter bc 1) beer belly 2) Persian cat build and 3) Vivzie twink fatigue

Husk's outfit is objectively silly for his grown ass to be wearing but I like the hc I've seen around as that being a stipulation in his deal with Alastor where he figuratively and literally "took the shirt off his back". Considering how as an overlord he had a nice suit and he (possibly. Definitely In headcanons) doesn't even like showing off sinner features, or his body at all, especially not in such a way. Is this canonically the case? Probably not. But hey 🤷🏾‍♀️

I made some comparatively minimal changes there. I undid his tie bc man's usually drunk and doesn't have the energy to fuss with it. I also gave the ends a bit of a spade shape. The clasps on his suspenders are meant to be clovers and there are still hearts on his hands. For the diamond face... I kinda tried to put it into his tail? But that's kinda iffy so 3.5/4 card faces achieved 👍🏾

Turned his top hat into a more flat wide brim hat that i could NOT for the life of me find a name for... Just wider fedoras I think? but they seemed to be kinda popular at the time. For my Husk, as an overlord he occasionally wore a fancy top hat when he was showing off, and now this is like. His downgrade replacement he's got to wear. + Some playing cards tucked into the hat band!

Made those yellows his primary colors bc in my rewrite greed is gold and I definitely think that would've been one of his major sins in life. Also a bit of gluttony too, which I made orange, so I added some of those tones in there. Allsoo after fussing with the colors for literal days I stilllll kindahateemalittle BUT IT'S FINE. I'll figure it out

And that's all for him!! Realized I forgot to put the little anti Viv banner on my last post but then again idgaf fr it's whatever. If you don't know I hate her you'll learn before long

And, of course, dvelopment sketches 4 sticking around!!!!

Ok that's all bye ✌🏾🧍🏾‍♀️

[sebscore]

TWITCH WAR

pairing: lando norris x driver!reader (brief cameos of charles and russell george)

warnings: swearing. rumplestiltskin. mention of george being a war criminal. wetting pants.

author’s note: not my best work, but this has been sitting in my drafts for too long. anyway, enjoy 💖

• • • • • • •

''Do I play with Y/N?'' Lando read the question out loud, seeing it in his comment section. ''Well, she always told me she was very good at like any kind of game and that she would kick my ass, but then I played with her and… let's say she's definitely not as good as me.'' The Brit bragged about his own skills, a smirk forming on his face.

He glanced at the incoming replies from the fans, enjoying their reactions. ''She asked to play together a few weeks ago and we did, but ever since then I haven't dared to play with her again,'' he grinned, ''whenever she asks me now, I just go offline.''

''Oh, she's gonna kill me when she sees this.'' He giggled like a schoolgirl.

She did in fact kill him when the clip of him talking shit was sent to her by fans and even other drivers. Not literally, that wouldn't be a good career move, but she took to Twitter to indirectly respond to Lando's ''claims''.

YourUsername: people, don't take the words of twinks seriously 😫

Y/N's clapbacks didn't stop there as she went live on Instagram not too long after Lando's Twitch stream. Fans obviously couldn't help but ask about the British driver.

''Do I still want to play with Lando? Nooo~ I don't want to stream with him anymore, I really don't.'' The grin on her face was a dead giveaway she was only teasing him. ''He's super bad, that Rumplestiltskin.''

''She called me Rumplestiltskin?'' Lando read the comment out loud, his eyebrows furrowed. ''What does that even mean?'' He couldn't really remember where the name came from, so he decided to look it up and was met with the character from Shrek.

He gave the camera an unimpressed look before moving on. ''You guys want to know a fun story about Y/N from our karting days?'' A smirk already appeared on his face.

''She was pushed off track by someone and she pissed her pants because of it.''

''It was water! I didn't wet my pants, oh my god!'' The driver exclaimed on stream, not believing that Lando actually told that story. ''We were like 9 years-old.''

''You know, Y/N, I think I also remember that.'' George chimed in, he had been amused by their little Twitch war ever since they started it.

She rolled her eyes upon George's words. ''Hey! It was probably you who pushed me off the track in the first place, you war criminal!'' Y/N clapped back at him.

''Anyway, Lando shouldn't be speaking at all when he still looks and talks like a 9 year-old.''

''Lando, should we invite Y/N to play with us?'' Charles asked the McLaren driver after seeing countless comments in his chat asking about the female driver.

The Brit loudly sighed, causing the Monégasque to burst out laughing. ''What's wrong, Lando?''

''Because of her, people keep asking me if I've hit puberty yet.'' He said, frustration audible in his voice, much to the entertainment of Charles and everyone else watching him.

Their ''beef'' came to an end when the media had started to pick up on their back-and-forths and tried to make it seem like the two close friends hated each other and that they would become a danger to each other on track.

''Are you worried that the words you and Y/N have exchanged over social media will have an effect on how the two of you perform on track?'' One reporter asked Lando in a press conference.

He shook his head. ''We're just joking around, honestly. We've been friends for a long time and we've always joked around with each other like this, so, no, it won't have an effect on track.'' He politely answered, slightly ticked off by the seriousness of it all.

Y/N had been placed into a different group for the press conference, where she was asked about their ''war''. ''There have been some harsh word exchanges between yourself and Lando Norris, are you two on good terms or is there some sort of bad blood?''

''Yeah, we hate each other,'' her sarcastic tone sticking out, ''that's why we voluntarily spent all that time together when we're not racing.'' Her answer gathered laughs from her fellow drivers and even some reporters.

''Also, when we're on the topic,'' she stated, ''just because Lando hasn't hit puberty, doesn't mean that I haven't.''

[thepunkranger]

Resident Evil Characters - A Summary

Note: This is entirely my own opinion and said with a heavy dose of humor

Please enjoy

Chris Redfield

OG

Started as a twunk

Became an angry gorilla man???

Alpha Male™️

Punches boulders

Wants you to marry his sister

Smoker

Hide yo kids, hide yo wife

Rude to wait staff

2/10 - Just a guy. Hit him with your car

-

Jill Valentine

Other OG

Arguably better main of RE1

Master of Unlocking

Bisexual Bob™️

Butch

Supercop

Once got mind-controlled into going blonde

Rocket Launcher babe

PTSD

Big Strap Energy

Giant anime gun

10/10

-

Albert Wesker

OG Baddy

Sunglasses

Thinks he’s cool

A little too into Chris

“What are we going to do this game, Albert?”

“What we do every game, Alex: try to take over the world”

Matrix jacket

Maybe a vampire?

Looks like my uncle (derogatory)

4/10

-

Barry Burton

Bear

A+ line delivery

Just happy to be a part of things

Wishes his daughter would talk to him

Comes through in a pinch

Got lost on his way to The Last of Us

Father figure

Not dead out of sheer dumb luck

8/10

-

Rebecca Chambers

Baby butch

Sees the best in everyone

Autism be damned, my girl can work a shotgun

Sporty

Mommy Domme/Babygirl switch vibes

Sweet coffee addict

Doing fine, thanks for asking

Awkward thumbs up

9/10

-

Billy Coen

Bad Boy™️

Never bothered to take off his handcuffs

Tattoos

Mullet???

Moral standards

Strong silent type

Whole situation could’ve been avoided by just talking about his issues but no

Queen fan

7/10

-

Leon S. Kennedy

If a golden retriever became a human and then got kicked every day of its life

Having a really bad first day

Into dominant women

Dumb 90s haircut

Uses comedy as a coping mechanism

Hair grows in direct correlation to his level of angst

“Hey demons, it’s me, ya boi”

Sexy

Dog lover

Certified Good Boy™️

Fucked up a perfectly good rookie is what you did. Look at it, it’s got depression

15/10

-

Claire Redfield

College student stuck in the zombie apocalypse

Soft butch

Humanitarian

Forced her brother to teach her how to knife fight

Really into motorcycles

Leather jacket

Rocket Launcher babe #2

Always has at least one adopted child with her

10/10 would ask to babysit

-

Ada Wong

Mommy. Sorry. Mommy- sorry. Mommy-

Grappling hook

Badass spy

Emotionally distant

Soft spot for cute cuddly things (Leon)

Femme fatale

Book lover

Chaotic neutral

Crossbow 😍

Could step on me and I’d say thank you

Rocket launcher babe #3

10/10

-

Sherry Birkin

Goosebumps protagonist

Worst parents ever tbh

Surprisingly good under pressure

Please someone get this girl some therapy

Supergirl

Smartest person here

One hell of a shot

The trauma is immeasurable

Somehow still doing fine

Loves her weird adopted family

8/10

-

Carlos Oliviera

Himbo

First POC main?

Went from three polygons and a white boy haircut in the original to actual gorgeous South American hunk in the remake

Lost his accent along the way for some reason

#1 Jill simp

If Dug from Up was a guy

Only trustworthy person in the whole series

Just wants to help

Gorgeous gorgeous hair

Loves strong women

Hakuna matata

Touch-starved

10/10 would peg

-

Steve Burnside

Twink

Who is this sassy lost child?

Hot Topic employee

Into Claire (she’s too old for you bud)

Choker

Thinks he’s edgy

Whiny

Daddy issues

1/10

-

Luis Serra Navaro

If Puss in Boots was a human

The Most Extra™️

Luscious flowing locks

Definitely into bondage

Used to work for Umbrella

Trying to make up for it

Don Quixote references

Bisexual

Good with his hands

Praying for a threesome with Leon and Ada

10/10

-

Ashley Graham

Basic white girl

Always getting kidnapped

Master of Unlocking #2

Razor flip phone

Ada Wong bisexual awakening (same)

Good with a wrecking ball

Makes Leon catch her every time she has to jump a ledge (also same)

Would like to go to Hot Topic, please

7/10

-

Sheva Alomar

Player 2

Second POC main

Bad AI

Too good for her game

Willing to go on a suicide mission with a guy she just met

Left handed

Deserves a better stylist

Only good part of RE5

Literally my girl got done so dirty just give her another chance please

10/5

-

Moira Burton

“It’s not a phase, dad!”

Probably gay

Weak arms

Skillz

Box dyed her hair at least once

Simple Plan playing in the background

Childhood trauma

7/10

-

Piers Nivans

Trying his best

Appreciates a good steak

Sick of Chris’ bullshit

Good with a rifle

Just a good man

German Shepherd boy

Self-sacrificing

8/10

-

Jake Muller

Wesker’s son

Daddy issues

Who invited Ronan Lynch here?

Quips for days

Bad boy

Loves the type of woman who can kick his ass

The Most Edgy™️

9/10

-

Ethan Winters

Husband of the year

Trusting

Surprisingly chill

The most basic white man in all of RE

Hands? What hands?

Functionally a lizard

Would still love you if you were a worm

Just casually knows how to craft bullets

Moldy

8/10

-

Mia Winters

Toxic girlfriend energy

Literally possessed

Dark sense of humor

Gaslight, gatekeep, girlboss

Casually working for a bioterrorism organization

Does actually care about her family

Definitely doesn’t have a penicillin allergy

If you can’t be the girl of his dreams, you can at least be the feral swamp witch of his nightmares

2/10

-

Zoe Baker

Lesbian

Mold intolerance

Southern accent thicker than grandma’s gravy

Picked last on the playground

Somehow okay despite her brother being Like That

Joe’s favorite

Science skills

8/10

-

Lucas Baker

Jigsaw

Didn’t even need the mold

Probably got at least one true crime documentary made about him

Working for Mia’s bioterrorism organization

Left his classmate rotting in the attic

Just the worst

0/10

-

Alcina Dimetrescu

Mommy

Please step on me

Elizabeth Bathory vibes

Just fucking huge

Can turn into a dragon

Lesbian

9/10

-

Karl Heisenberg

Grimy

Tumblr Sexyman

When robotics majors get weird

Fights with his siblings

Doesn’t actually care at all about Miranda

In cahoots with the lycans

7/10

-

Rosemary Winters

Mommy and Daddy issues

YA protagonist

Badass

Childhood trauma

Into the Mold-verse

Alternate universe Sherry Birkin

8/10

[privctd]

I need a Cal NSFW headcannons please!

OFC POOKIE here you go <3 :)

CALVIN GABRIEL NSFW HEADCANONS

To me Cal would be VERY sadistic in bed he wants you to feel it like REALLY feel it enough to give you pain that man would laugh about it I’m sorry but it’s hot at the same time.

Cal definitely has a ton of porn mags around his room his parents find and give him the whole rant that it isn’t “godly” or whatever but cal does not care after that rant he will grab one and jerk off to it again.

Cal has a knife kink I know a lot of people say he has a gun kink but to me that’s more of a Andre thing I’d like to think cal likes using knifes more I mean this man probably has a whole damn collection and plus he probably has a few “favorite” knives he likes to use specially for you.

When I tell you cal is ANYTHING but gentle in bed…this man is feral he fucks you so hard you won’t be able to walk for DAYS

Cal is PACKING down there definitely I think he’s probably a bit bigger than Andre

Cal would make you suck his dick and literally laugh at you gagging or vomiting a lil bit like he’s crazy I’m sorry

He is a switch but mostly dominant I like to think so a lot of people think he’s a twink but GOD FORBID NO HE IS NAWT

This man will tape videos of himself nutting or whimpering and give them to you as a “gift” or a “sign of love” or some shit

Cal likes dirty talk weather he is giving or receiving he likes to only give praise if he thinks he’s doing a good enough job or you are and when he gives you praise it’s ADDICTIVE the way his voice sounds so soft but mean at the same time while giving you praise is crazy.

He will get boners around you A LOT like a lot a lot

Cal likes to think of you as like his pet his like he owns you and can basically do whatever he pleases with you and I mean if you let him then your feeding into his delusions which is kinda hot turns him on a LOT.

Cal would be the type of guy to be in a public setting and whisper dirty shit into your ear like “you want my dick huh you need it?” Type shit

Cal does NOT use condoms he hates it he feels like it doesn’t feel the same…and if you ask him about it he will side eye you or just flat out ignore you.

I feel like cal likes to make a lot of noises in bed but doesn’t like when you do it just to see you suffer he will smirk down at you as you try not to moan or whimper because you know you’d be in DEEP shit if you ever did

I feel like cal would edge you A LOT he would also hold you down like HARD during sex and if you cry or something it would turn him on more like I said this man is a COMPLETE sadist in bed.

Okay that’s all I got for now I rlly hope they r okay lol 😭🎀

[thekoalapastriesbakery]

okay which drivers do you think would want to come out as a couple and which ones would you have to ask to come out as a couple?

also congrats on 250!!! so proud of you ❤️

thank you milo <3333

this one's interesting because i could kinda see a lot of them in either category but here's my current thoughts:

warnings: suggestive content (lando, kimi a, rbr + ferrari!seb), mentions of affectionate bullying (lando), mentions of having kids (am + retired!seb, kimi r), mentions of marriage (am + retired!seb, jenson), mentions of joke flirting with someone else (ollie), mentions of violence (logan), mild angst (kimi a, logan), autistic!oscar bc i said so

asks you to go public:

alex albon:

something you will notice about when i write alex is that he is just a goofy guy

like he'd ask to go public but only because he's either a) already accidentally revealed the relationship or b) wanting to post goofy boyfriend photos of you

if it's the first one he's got a back-up "i'm sorry" gift in case you're not exactly ready

if it's the second one he's already got a post drafted and you better believe he will post it the SECOND he gets approval

he's silly and bad at keeping it a secret but he'll try his best for you

franco colapinto:

yappatron 6000

he's probably already told the whole grid and every mechanic who would listen to him for more than five seconds

knows it's only a matter of time before he starts talking about you in interviews

definitely the type to forget that he's famous

his family knows, lewis hamilton congratulated him on being a (sort of) out F1 driver ... everyone else can just find out randomly as far as he's concerned

mick schumacher:

wants to post all the couples pictures he has of you two

how can you possibly say no to this golden retriever?

it's impossible

you hard launch ten minutes later

lando norris:

so i don't usually write for lando but i do sometimes so 🤷‍♂️

would probably ask to go public just to prove that he actually can get a date (he doesn't like to talk about his instagram attempts)

it backfires immediately

now instead of being teased for being single he's being teased for being whipped

tells everyone you asked him to go public and then forgets to turn his mic off while streaming and accidentally reveals that he literally begged you

needless to say, his friends refuse to let him live it down

charles leclerc:

ok listen he's a pretty boy and he wants to be shown off

he wants to follow you around and be your arm candy

will get very very pouty if you hesitate or refuse

he'll understand, but he will be pouty until you either kiss him, cuddle him, or agree to go public

when you're out he's just a happy little bunny wandering around the paddock and abandoning his team responsibilities if he sees you

(ferrari tries to ban you from the paddock, charles cries until they give in)

aston martin + retired era sebastian vettel:

if he can't win races he wants to make it VERY clear that all his flirting over the year was just for funsies

like with his whole cool mature twink-death phase, he brings up the idea of settling down

you're not impressed

"sebastian we have three kids. if you still think this is 'casual' i don't know what to tell you."

... he does sleep on the couch for a couple nights

eventually he will convince you tho and you'll go to your first race with the whole paddock knowing you're his husband and not just his Really Close Friend Who He Happened To Touch A Lot.

ollie bearman:

i know this is kinda contradictory to the crossdressing post but i think ollie would bring up coming out before you?

like, prema knows, haas knows, ferrari knows, his family knows ... he knows he's pretty secure

does joke about bearnelli with you

which results in you (jokingly) flirting with dino or arthur and a very whiny baby bear

probably wouldn't want to do it until after / part way through his rookie season

just so he's a little more settled yk?

you ask to go public:

jenson button:

this one might be a lil controversial

i think jenson would actually to prefer to stay private for longer?

like, he won't tell anyone when you're dating

but the second you're married he's like

EVERYONE LOOK AT MY HUSBAND HE'S SO HOT

sky tries to reprimand him and jenson shows up to the next race with one of those "i ❤️ my husband" t-shirts and rainbow trousers

he looks like a dork but it's okay because he's cute

kimi antonelli:

absolutely adores you and talks about you at prema all the time

talks about you at mercedes all the time

george already knows your shoe size (among other things)

but the idea of going public and everyone knowing he has a boyfriend? absolutely terrifying

he kinda just posts the same sorts of things he posts with ollie and hopes everyone will assume you're just a friend

you're fine with it, because you know you're always the one he runs to for celebratory kisses after a win :)

kimi raikkonen:

shouldn't be surprising

he's not actively hiding you or actively trying to tell people

he just ... doesn't really talk about his personal life?

some of the drivers know, some don't

he's 100% been wearing a wedding/promise/whatever ring for years and nobody notices

there's a chance nobody knows he's ever dated anyone until your kid starts karting and he posts a video of the kid everyone thought was just his calling you dad and the internet explodes

lance stroll:

would rather die than have journalists asking you invasive questions

everyone knows he's dating someone but nobody knows who

lawsuits + bribes to any tabloids who get photos of you

insists on getting you a bodyguard if you ever come out

you try to get his dad to reason with him

lawrence thinks lance could be worse

overall, billionaire boyfriend just wants to cuddle at home and will do anything to protect that

10/10 very cute and whiny when he realises that means you can't go with him to Official F1 Business™ things

logan sargeant:

might've been half-out in the junior formulae?

like kind of an open secret in the paddock but he doesn't post about it

then he gets promoted to f1

at first he's super excited because he knows you get along really well with lily (alex's gf) and with all the talk of williams being a family, hopes you'll get to do normal wag/hab stuff with her

then things go downhill

logan absolutely refuses to let you anywhere near williams

half out of fear that somebody would say something rude to you

half out of fear that you'd light v*wles on fire if you got close enough

oscar piastri:

this man is Oblivious with a capital "O"

he tries his best really but he just. doesn't pick up on cues like that.

(yes this is me pushing my autistic!oscar agenda idc i'm autistic i'm allowed to say it)

has a massive folder of cute photos that either include you or remind him of you

it takes up about a quarter of his phone's storage

he refuses to delete any of them

still keeps it pretty private if you do ask to go public

he likes that he can just be oscar with you

he doesn't want the media taking that away from him

will only delete some of his photos when they're copied onto two separate usb's that are both in fireproof safes (one in his apartment in monaco, one in his childhood home in melbourne)

rbr + ferrari era sebastian vettel:

i recently saw this era described as feral twink energy and. yeah.

he's flirting with anything in the paddock that has a pulse

fans? yes.

journalists? yes.

drivers? yes.

team members? yes.

fia officials? yes.

EVERYBODY

eventually you'll ask if he could just please mention that he is, in fact, taken and (here's where it depends on if you're dom/sub) either make you beg or push you to the point of fucking it out of him

if anyone saw one of you limping in the paddock one day?

no they didn't.

this was fun, i definitely enjoy going deeper into what i think the drivers would be like in relationships :D