#guess people want to know what the twig is into lol
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cybernatedbeholder · 8 months ago
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hey Xavier, what's your type?
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-> He leans back in his chair, putting his arms behind his head. He's going to humor your trivial question.
§ Ah, ₥y type, you ask? ₩ell, it takes a ¢ertain ¢aliber of troll to ¢at¢h ₥y eye. I prefer so₥eone who exu₫es ¢onfi₫en¢e an₫ intelligen¢e, so₥eone who un₫erstan₫s the finer things in life an₫ isn't afrai₫ to seize opportunities. A₥bition is ¢ru¢ial, as is a ¢ertain...ruthlessness. I have no ti₥e for ₥e₫io¢rity or those who ¢ower at the first sign of a₫versity. § A strong, in₫epen₫ent spirit ¢ouple₫ with an appre¢iation for luxury an₫ power—those are the traits I a₫₥ire ₥ost. An₫ of ¢ourse, they ₥ust be able to keep up with ₥e, both intelle¢tually an₫ so¢ially. Anything less woul₫ si₥ply be a waste of ₥y ti₥e.
-> He stops speaking for a second, turning his chair a bit to the side. Now looking at the window he continues speaking with a sinister smile, almost getting lost in thought as a bit of color creeps onto his cheeks.
§ If you ₥eant... physi¢ally... I have a parti¢ular pen¢hant for trolls who are weaker an₫ ₥ore ₫eli¢ate than ₥yself. ₮here's a ₫istin¢t thrill in the ease with whi¢h I ¢an ₫o₥inate an₫ ¢ontrol the₥, espe¢ially lowbloo₫s with their s₥aller, ₥ore fragile fra₥es. ₮heir vulnerability in ¢ontrast to ₥y strength ¢reates a ₫yna₥i¢ that I fin₫ en₫lessly fas¢inating an₫ quite entertaining. § However, I ₫o enjoy ₥ixing things up fro₥ ti₥e to ti₥e. On o¢¢asion, I seek out trolls who possess a ¢o₥₥an₫ing presen¢e an₫ a robust physique— stronger than ₥yself, naturally. A well-₫efine₫, ₥us¢ular buil₫ that exu₫es power an₫ ¢apability is highly appealing when I'₥ in the ₥oo₫ for a ₫ifferent kin₫ of ¢hallenge. ฿roa₫ an₫ soli₫ fra₥e, ¢ouple₫ with an aura of ₫o₥inan¢e... ¢an be quite ¢aptivating an₫ offer a refreshing ¢hange fro₥ ₥y usual preferen¢es.
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darkficsyouneveraskedfor · 1 year ago
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Hunter's Delight
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Warnings: this fic will include dark content such as noncon, violence, blood, coercion, and other elements. My warnings are not exhaustive, enter at your own risk.
This is a dark!fic and explicit. 18+ only. Your media consumption is your own responsibility. Warnings have been given. DO NOT PROCEED if these matters upset you.
Summary: A peaceful getaway turns to horror when you encounter a strange man in the woods.
Character: Kraven the Hunter
Note: So, this isn't what I was planning as my birthday fic but my other fic was just not happening lol.
As per usual, I humbly request your thoughts! Reblogs are always appreciated and welcomed, not only do I see them easier but it lets other people see my work. I will do my best to answer all I can. I’m trying to get better at keeping up so thanks everyone for staying with me <3
Your feedback will help in this and future works (and WiPs, I haven’t forgotten those!)
Love you all. Take care. 💖
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The smell of cedar tinges the air. Birds wing across the pale blue sky and critters rustle in the twigs and leaves that trim the forest floor. Shadows nestle between the trunks and lend an ominous hue to any otherwise harmonious landscape.
It’s a long needed escape from urban crush. The fatigue of your nine to five recedes as your brief getaway frees you of the unseen cuffs of modern survival. There are no emails, no memos, or stuffy meetings. There is only you and naked outdoors.
Oh, and your friends.
You never traveled much. Most of the time you had off, you were too tired to do much more than the bare minimum. You hadn’t even thought of it until Larissa invited you. It just never occurred to you to spend the money or the energy. Now you’re more than happy you did.
You follow the snakish path that dips between valleys and over hills, up steep walkways and across sprawling plateaus. The lush green is endless, littered with patches of thick forest, and the occasion running river crested by an old wooden bridge. 
Larissa chatters loudly about your eventual return to the cottage. She dreams of kebabs cooked over the campfire and some fruity sangria. You trail the others, four of you in all. Jodi and Cameron ahead of you as your host leads the way. Work friends, but you suppose more now that you’re here.
The river water sends up a fresh scent from behind the looming trunks and you glance over at the gleaming ripples, almost twinkling as you admire them between the trees. You could do this every day. Just wander until you can’t move anymore.
“I can’t believe this is your first time up north,” Jodi says, drawing you from your mind.
“Uh, yeah, never did much exploring I guess,” you shrug.
“Even as a kid?”
“Nope. I think we had one family trip and we didn’t even make it to the amusement park,” you chuckle dryly, “ah well.”
“Ugh, I remember one time, when we were camping, my brother, Toby,” Cameron begins, “he put a frog in my bag. I screamed so loud. My mother didn’t even believe me.”
“Damn,” you remark. Cam tends to do that. Everything in some way relates back to one of her stories.
“Oh, I have an idea,” Larissa stops and faces you, “we have to decide who’s cooking.”
“It’s fine, I said I would–” You begin.
“Boo, that’s no fun,” she snips, “we used to play this game when I was a kid. I always won. Whoever collects the least acorns in ten minutes cooks.”
“Acorns?” You look around nervously. “Where?”
“You shouldn’t get lost. If you go too far, just stay still and we’ll find you,” she brushes off your concern, “it’ll be fun. And I know all the best spots!”
“That’s no fair,” Jodie pouts.
“How about I start after you. I’ll only do five minutes,” she barters.
“How do we know time’s up?” Cam picks a fingernail.
“Like I said, if you don’t show up, we’ll come find you.”
“I guess…”
“Alright, how about, whoever collects the most gets princess treatment for the night. The rest of us will have to serve you drinks and get you whatever you want,” she offers with a smug grin.
You bite your lip but don’t argue. It’s obvious she’s going to win but you wouldn’t mind the chance to explore a bit more. Besides, you never complain about time alone. It’s so peaceful here, that might just be a reward of its own.
“Come on!” Larissa claps, “bragging rights are included.”
“Fine,” Cameron sighs, “I guess it’s not completely stupid.” 
“It’ll be fun just to wipe that look off your face, Lar,” Jodi snorts.
You shrug and give a nod. You have little faith in your foraging skills but you don’t mind running to the cooler a few extra times that night. Besides, the cottage did get a bit suffocating with all of you there. This might be your only chance for alone time.
“Alright, on three,” Larissa declares, “one, two–” Jodi sprints off and Larissa holler, “I didn’t say three!”
Cameron runs after her and Larissa scowls. She puts her hands on her hips and drags her foot over the grass. You give a sheepish smile and awkwardly sway.
“Guess they won’t know if I start early,” she says and sets off in the opposite direction.
You slowly putter away as you head for the river. You have no intent of gathering acorns, you just want to watch the water. You weave between the trees and come out to the shore along the winding river. You watch the lazy flow and the little minnows flitting beneath the clear ripples.
You get closer and sit on your knees in the dirt. You drag your hands through the water and push your fingers into the silt. You bend slightly and look at your reflection. You're almost hypnotised by the ambiance. 
You close your eyes and pull your hands from the water. You place them on your shorts and take a deep breath. You want to hold onto this moment, to remember it once you're stuck back behind a keyboard.
You smile and your lashes flutter open. You see your reflection again, then it suddenly darkens as a shadow comes up behind you. At first, you’re confused, but you assume it’s one of the girls trying to scare you.
“Very funny–”
You fly forward into the water, arms flailing out as you splash into the shallow depth. Your head is pushed down to the riverbed as a foot crush your skull. You cough and gag, gulping down water as your breath bubbles out of your nose. Your head begins to thrum as you choke until at last, the weight relents and you rip your head from beneath the surface.
A sharp boot cracks into your ribs and sends you onto your back. You heave as you land flat, keeping your head just above the water. A man stands above you, crystal blue eyes boring into you as a growl creases in his forehead. He squats and grabs your chin, unsheathing a large knife from his belt.
“Scream and I’ll cut your throat out,” he warns as he pokes the knife tip along your lip, hushing you as he turns it slowly.
You shut your mouth, eyes rounding in terror as you watch him. Who is he? What does he want? You can’t let him know about the other girls. At least, you hope he doesn’t already.
“Listen to me,” he traces along your jaw and down to your throat, “you will do exactly as I say.”
You blink, saying nothing. His voice is gristly and unbending. His dark hair curls behind his head and he wears a thick beard that thins to coarse stubble. Around his neck is a thick cord with a single fang hanging from it.
Your eyes nearly cross as you try to see the knife in his hand..
“Gold locket. Pearl set in the middle. Bring it to me.”
You stare at him searchingly. It’s like he’s speaking another language. Or your brain just won’t hear them as fear courses through your veins. 
“She wears it around her neck.”
You see the golden chain around Larissa’s neck. You noticed it once or twice, never really thinking much of it. You just thought it must be sentimental. Your lip trembles as the man clutches the back of your neck and leans into the blade.
“Why?”
He chuckles, “you want to live. I can feel it. So no more questions and I might let you. The locket, midnight. I will wait here. If you do not come, I will come to you. And you can weep with their heads in your bed.”
You gulp as he smirks at you. You nod slowly as he loosens his grip. He releases you. You almost sink back under the water as he stands and you push yourself up. He swirls the thick knife then holds it up to reflect the sunlight.
“Such a beautiful day, it would be a pity if it were to end in blood.”
“I will bring you the locket. I promise.”
“I know you will,” he says as he struts towards the trees, “it is why I chose you.”
You sit dumbfounded, staring after him until you can see nothing but the trees. You shiver as the water stirs calmly around you, soaking you through to the point of discomfort. You climb out of the river and wrings out the fabric of your shirt.
As you look around at the serenity of the pastoral bliss, you can’t fathom that the man had ever truly been there. The tenderness in your neck assures you otherwise. He was and he will be back.
☀️
“What happened to you?” Cameron giggles as you appear from the trees. 
“No acorns, huh?” Jodi boasts.
“I uh… dropped them in the river. Tripped,” you lie. You’re too stunned to explain further.
“You okay?” Larissa asks.
“Yep, fine,” you utter.
“Well, Jodi got eleven and Cameron got eight, and I… got twelve.”
“Cheater,” Jodi mutters under her breath.
You’re thankful they’re too distracted by their child’s game to be very concerned. You throw up your hands. “Looks like I’m cooking,” you resign dully.
“And I get to be pampered,” Larissa trills tauntingly.
“Whatever. You’ll be lucky if I don’t dump the sangria on you,” Cameron warns.
Larissa laughs. The girls might play up their cattiness but it’s just friendly competition. Another thing you never really had growing up. Friends.
They leave the acorns in the grass. You’re quiet as you follow them onwards. You look back just before you’re out of sight of the river. You don’t see the man but you have no doubt he meant what he said. He knew about Larissa and the necklace, that’s enough for you.
🌄
As a gracious loser, and a terrified individual, you volunteer to make a pitcher of sangria for the other girls. They happily accept the offer and go out to get the fire started. The night is quickly setting in as you watch the time on your phone. As there is only one solar charger amongst the bunch of you, your battery stays at fifty percent. Without reception, it isn’t of much use anyhow.
You mix the wine, brandy, lemonade and fruit together with a wooden spoon. You hear Larissa giving orders outside over the crackle of the fire. The locket with the pearl. You know she’s still wearing it, you looked for it and there it was, around her neck. What use is jewelry all the way up here.
Your thoughts are split by the snap of the spring door. Jodi tramps inside and huffs.
“Is the wine ready yet? She’s driving me nuts.”
“I’ll bring it out,” you assure her, “why don’t you grab the kebabs, they’re ready to go.”
You nod to the pan of skewers and she lets out a disappointed grumble. She takes the pan and leaves you again to ponder your impromptu mission. You’re not stupid enough to ask for the locket. You watch the oranges swirl in the wine mixture…
You can’t. Can you? You peek over your shoulder and peek through the window. They wouldn’t notice. You could say you used more wine than you thought.
You turn your back to the window. The girls can survive a few bendaryls, they won’t survive that man and his knife. You can deal with hating yourself. That’s never been hard.
You tiptoe across the kitchen. You don’t know why you think they’ll hear you, your guilt just makes you paranoid. You go down to the room and search in the lower bunk for your bag. You take out your box of emergency benadryl and slide out a full insert. Just enough for an edge, nothing deadly.
You sneak back out and drop the pills one by one into the sangria. You stir and you stir and you stir. Finally, you’re content that your potion is complete. Your curse is pharmaceutical allergy relief with a side of drowsiness. The girls are probably too thirsty to notice you’re not sharing.
🌙
Jodi stumbles back from the outhouse. You watch her cautiously, ready to hop up and catch her. She manages to make her way back to the fire and falls into the folding chair with a burp.
“Damn, that sangria is strong,” Cameron chimes.
“And it’s going right through me,” Jodi slurs into a giggle.
“Me too,” Larissa stands up and puts her hands in front of her shorts, “my turn.”
You listen to her go around the side of the cottage, her sandals scraping and scuffling. Jodi leans her head back and snorts, waking herself and lurching forward. You get up and keep her from falling out of her chair.
“Hey, you should lay down,” you say.
“Lightweight,” Cameron teases and gulps down a mouthful. You try not to cringe.
“Whatever, I’m fine,” Jodi babbles.
“Come on,” you get her up, letting her lean on you heavily.
She’s dragging her feet as you get her across the yard and to the steps of the deck. You haul her up and through the back door. Inside, you feel her slacken on your arm until you're pretty much carrying her. You get her into her bed and roll her onto her stomach, already snoring.
You check the time. It’s late. Just after eleven.
You go back out, the blaze of the fire obscuring your view of the yard.
“Not you too,” Cameron chortles as Larissa falls past the chair trying to sit.
“I think it’s time to call it a night.”
“Bleh, listen to the office administrator, she never gives it up,” Larissa sneers, “isn’t that right?”
“Yeah, I guess,” you agree softly. You want all the abuse she has to offer you. You deserve it.
“You wanted to be princess for the night,” Cameron calls over, “let her carry you to bed.”
You ignore Cameron as you steady Larissa and direct her around the fire. You take the same path with the same end, dumping her in the singular queen she claimed for herself in the main bedroom. You make sure she’s on her stomach and shake out your nerves. 
You flip on the flashlight built into your phone and shine it over her. You apologise before you unclasp the necklace. It’s heavier than you expect. You tuck it in your pocket and leave her.
One more.
Cameron meets you at the door to your surprise. She’s yawning and staggering. You let her pass as she mutters about the fire. You follow her, making sure she gets to her bed before you go outside to kill the fire.
When all is dark and still, you look up at the moon and measure the journey ahead of you. What if you get lost? What if you can’t remember the way back? You think you do. Doesn’t matter. It’s almost half past and you need to get going.
You grip your phone as you come out around the front of the cottage. You remember that you came from the right… didn’t you? You turn on your flashlight again as the darkness consumes you. You tremble at the sheer endlessness of the night.
As you set off, you hear every twig snap, every branch sway, every bat squeaking from some hidden nook. You are exposed to the unseen. Easy prey.
You hear the low trickle of water, louder in the dearth of night. You use it to guide you, flinching as leaves brush against you. You shine the light around you, trying to get a glimpse of your surroundings. It only illuminates the shadows and adds to the depths of the blackness.
A noise rolls in the darkness. Thunderous as it grows louder, footsteps making themselves heard, a beast closing in. His laughter comes from all around you, dizzying you as you spin and try to find him.
At once, he quiets and you hear nothing but the stirring of the breeze. No footsteps, not laughter, only the frantic beat of your heart. You stop and squint as you shakily raise your phone, making out the thick trunk of a tree.
There is a sudden warmth behind you. His hand is on yours, squeezing before he rips away your cell. You hear it land in the grass. His other arm hooks around your middle. His breath seeps through your hair and across your scalp.
“Give it.”
You reach into your pocket, squirming as you dig out the necklace. You hold it up with a whimper and he wraps your hand up in his again. His rough skin sends a shiver through you. He hums above the soft tinkle of the chain.
“Very good,” he keeps you close, “you are an obedient little pet, aren’t you?”
You don’t move, you don’t speak. He has what he wants. Now you want to go.
“I’ve decided,” he says bluntly. You hold your breath, trying to decipher his meaning. You try to pull away and his arm hooks tighter around you. “I will take you too.”
“What?” You quiver and grasp his arm, shoving on it without result, “no, let me go–”
“You can scream for me,” he walks you forward until you collide with a tree, putting your hands out to keep from being crushed against the bark, “the louder, the better.”
Your fingertips curl painfully against the tree. He traps you against the tree as he lets out a grow, the heat of his breath and body enshrines you. You shake and whine as panic sinks into your chest.
“Please, let me go. Please, I did what you asked–”
“I’m not asking,” he snarls and grabs your shoulder.
He spins you so violenly you can’t help but fall back against the tree. The subtle friction of metal on leather cools your blood as a sliver of moonlight gleans off the knife’s edge. You brace the tree as you babble dumbly. You don’t want to die.
He brings the curve tip of the knife to the hem of your shirt and yanks up, shearing open the front so that it falls open, revealing the bralette beneath. He makes as quick work as that, slicing up the middle and exposing you to the night chill.
He stands over you, bearing in on you as he bends slowly. You gasp as he clutches a handful of your hair and pulls your head to the side. He leans in and grazes your throat with his teeth. You writhe, caught in the arrest of his gruff touch.
He bits down, pinching your flesh until you cry out. He snickers and unclenches his teeth, trailing further down, teasing along your collarbone and over the tender flesh of your shoulder, once more nipping into you. He tortures your flesh, sucking it until it throbs.
He goes lower, tracing his path first with the metallic cold of the blade, then piercing with his teeth. He bites into the curve of your tit, he leaves sore marks blazing all around, at last taking a nipple in his mouth. His tongue swirls around your hard bud, toying with it, sucking, flicking, until finally he bites again.
You sob as he sinks his teeth in. You feel the flesh break and the warmth trickles from you into his mouth. He hums as he drinks it in, unlatching to let your rough skin turn fiery in the open air. He tends to the next, just as cruelly, as your body wracks in shock and agony.
How can this be happening? It can’t be real. You don’t understand. Who is this man? Where did he come from? You close your eyes, trying to hide from reality as it nips at your flesh.
You drone as he leaves a trail of spit and blood down your stomach, biting again and again, a tortured trail down to the top of your denim shorts. Your legs shake, threatening to give out.
“Ah, ah, ah,” he tisks and pinches your thigh, “you are weak but you will not give up, pet.”
He cuts along the seams of your shorts, left then right. You tremble with bubbling, teary gulps. The denim falls to your feet and he uses the end of his knife to play with the cotton elastic of your panties. He clicks his tongue but does not voice his amusement further.
He drops to his knees, a hand framing your hip as your legs quake. He squeezes, his thumb jabbing into your pelvis. He drags his knife down the front of your panties and hooks the fabric along the tip. He tugs until they rip, breaking through the fabric, cutting a line along your cunt. 
He turns the flat of the blade against your flesh, grazing the folds before pulling it away. You bat your lashes as terror overflows. Your head lolls as your muscles twitch. You see the man’s faint shadow in the slats of moonlight breaking between the cedar trunks, you hear him lick the blade with a purr.
A silver shine reflects the eerie night glow as he raises his knife. You scream as he aims it toward you, stabbing into the wood just beside you. Your heart hammers to cacophony as he laughs at your fright.
He pushes his hand up your thigh, his calloused fingers mean against your soft skin. He feels along the shorn cotton and dips two fingers into the opening. He delves between your lips, flicking his fingers up and down your cunt. Your legs quiver and you clutch onto the divots in the bark, fighting not to fold into a heap.
He slides his fingers back and forth, feeling every part of you, doting on your clit, only to trail back to your entrance. You suck in air sharply and sob. Please just do it. Just let it be over with.
He pushes into you. Slowly, Deliberately. He leans forward and nuzzles the soft vee of hair along your cunt and sighs into you as he wiggles his fingers deeper and deeper. You groan as he stretches you. Even as your body reacts, even as the slickness welcomes the intrusion, it hurts.
He growls as he meets some resistance. You clench around his knuckles and he rams his fingers into you, to their limit. You shriek and your sandals slip in the dirt. Your nail catches in the veins of the tree and snaps.
The coolness of his tongue frightens you as it pokes out and slides along your lips. He tilts his head and glides between your folds, doting on your clit with furious flutters. You gulp and gasp, panting as a new heat blooms inside of you. Your pulse races with more than adrenaline.
He eases his fingers back then in again. Your cunt clenches around him, constricting as his tongue toys with you, flurries your nerves to an unbearable storm. Your insides clutch as rivulets of hot and cold gather in your core, mingling to a fiery roil.
You spasm, stunned by your own body. You stand on your toes as your muscles tauten and your nerves ping off each other. You cum with a raspy whine, forced over the edge by the battle of his thrusting fingers and diligent tongue.
His laughter rumbles through you as he indulges in your dissemblance. He slows as you heave helplessly. He slides his fingers out of you, leaving an emptiness there, and wipes your cum down your leg. He parts from your cunt entirely, a rocky snarl as he stands.
You smell yourself on his breath as he comes close again. He grabs the back of your neck and draws you away from the tree. Your legs tingle and shake beneath you. He turns and hurls you down to the ground. You land on your knees, hitting your elbows in the dirt.
He grabs your hips, keeping them up. He kneels behind you, one hand brushing up your back and forcing your chest down to the ground. You don’t fight him, you have nothing left.
He feels along your panties, hooking his fingers in the rent of the fabric and tears it further up your ass. He gropes you roughly, digging his nails into your skin and dragging them up, leaving hot scratches along your ass. He runs his hand from your shoulders to your hip, gripping you as his other hand retreats from your ass.
The air stills and your ears ring as each breath scalds in your chest. You stare into the deep void of the forest as his zipper splits through the silence. Time slows as dread suffocates you. This is it. This is really happening.
His fingers tickle along your ass and you twitch. He reaches your cunt, rubbing and spreading your lips, taunting you as he curves his fingers along it. He edges closer on your knees, pushing yours wider, and he pulls his hand away.
He prods you with his tip, making a slow path down to your entrance. He circles it as he groans, basking in the tension of that moment. He leans against you until his tip slips into you. You strain around him, heaving into a horrifying wail as he pushes deeper.
He reaches to your neck, pinning your face in the dirt as he jerks his hip, filling you with the single, agonizing motion. You cry out louder, your horror echoing into the sky. Your head quakes and your ears vibrate with the volume of your own grief, rising from you without restraint.
He slides back and snaps into you again. The slap of flesh underlines your breathy weeps. His weight puts an ache in your neck and down your spine. Your fingers dip into the dirt as you clutch at handfuls of dirt. He bucks again, again, again, each time growling with delight.
His palm cracks against the side of your ass, a new pain radiating through your hips. With each thrust, he smacks you, curling his nails into you, pinching, only to do it again. You whimper and wail, trapped in his fervour as you taste soil and the salt of your tears.
He bends over you, hooking his arm around your middle and the other around your neck. He sits up with you against him. His hand brushes up your side and kneads your chest as he rocks you in his lap. Your head lolls as you hiccup through your tears.
He ruts from below, splitting you in two as his muscle bulges around your neck. You wheeze as he squeezes tighter and tighter, until the world speckles to grey and black. You feel his final, jarring rams as they throb in your core, and the sudden burst of heat inside you. Almost soothing as it assures you of the end.
But it is not. He puts you on your back. Senseless, dazed, he’s on top of you, crawling over you like an animal. He fucking you against the ground, holding your leg bent against him, biting into the flesh along your shoulder. Torturing you from the inside until he’s spent again.
Not spent, not done. You’re on your side, the world flickering beneath teared-webbed lashes, each ruts shaking you. Legs together, he claps against your thighs until again he empties into you with a raucous roar.
Again, again, again. Until you’re smeared with dirt, grass, sweat, and cum. Until you’re left an empty husk across the forest floor. 
Your eyelids part as he pulls the blade from the tree, a softer light emanating from the sky as the dawn approaches. He sheathes the knife as he marches around you, poking you with the dirt of his boot. He stops and squats at your side, a crooked smile on his lips.
“This hunt is not over, pet,” he reaches to brush a roughened thumb across your cheek, “I know you are stronger than this.”
He stands again and rolls his shoulders as he shakes out his mussed curls. He takes a step forward, then another, and another, striding into the sunrise without a look back. You lay prone across the lumpy ground, trying to untangle his words. They are more than a warning, they are a promise.
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coeluvr · 5 months ago
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I've been holding in the question for awhile. But I noticed on several playthroughs that there are a few occasions where someone seems to be following you.
After ikram encounter someone stepped on a twig and ran off before you could spot them.
Then again with namia when she tells you they ran off.
Can you tell me if ita the same person or different people during these times??
Because my brain logically tells me the first time can't be hunter and how would helos even know since he wasn't present. But I'm doubtful it was vincent. And then whoever ran off that namia saw could have been hunter cause stain vincent doesn't seem like he really cares all that much at this point in time if he's cruel.
Also the person who left the flowers and happy bday card had to of been hellos or vincent. Hellos seems like it would be him. But vincent likes art so maybe he has pretty handwriting?
I was curious to know what you could share on this topic?
Hey! Those are all different people actually lol. I feel like it's not that hard to guess if you look at the scenes but I tend to think everything is super obvious so ignore me.
I don't want to say too much but they will all come up at some point!🙏
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michellemisfit · 5 months ago
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WEEKLY TAG WEDNESDAY
Happiest of birthdays to our dear @energievie who created today's birthday themed tag game. WHOOP WHOOP! 🥳
Thanks for the tag @deedala 🎉 @gallapiech 🤩 @vintagelacerosette 🙌
---
When is yours? 1st March
Where were you born? Switzerland.
How do you feel about your legal name? Are you using it online and/or IRL? Michelle is a nice name. I'm perfectly happy with it. I do however absolutely hate the Beales song I was named after. Think it's one of their worst songs. And I regularly forget that I have a middle name, not even cause I hate it or anything, purely because I think it's pointless. It's Aline.
How about your sign? Do you feel it "fits"? I'm Pisces. And I guess so..? I don't really know much about signs, but people who do tell me it fits, and I believe them. @celestialmickey - come and weigh in! haha
What's your earliest memory related to your birthday? Weirdly enough my earliest *birthday* memory that comes to mind is actually my brother's birthday, when he turned maybe 6? And I would have been 3? My parents had a weird thing about getting me small gifts on his birthday, because I was younger and they didn't want me to get upset I guess? Anyway. There's a photograph of him blowing out his birthday candles and me holding a little sheep stuffed toy that I got for his birthday. I remember loving that sheep a LOT! For my first birthday memory I actually don't really have one until about age 6 or 7? I had a birthday party in our party room and my mum made me invite the whole class, even though I wasn't friends with anyone at school. One of the girls gave me a doll as a present and I genuinly just didn't know what I was supposed to do with this thing and had no idea how to react when I unwrapped it... it was very awkward and I'm sure I was less than graceful. Not the best memory lol
What's one of the best gifts you've ever received? When I first moved to London I felt like I was required to go back to Switzerland for birthdays and Christmas celebrations, even though those were difficult, associated with a lot of bad memories, and never ever fun. I moved to London at the beginning of October with a suitcase of clothes and not much else, and we pretty immediately went on the Dirty Pretty Things break up tour, so i didn't even sleep in my new London room very much for the first 8 weeks. Going back to Switzerland for that Christmas was particularly hard because I hadn't been in London for long, I had barely any stuff that belonged to me, and there was a certain feeling of 'maybe it was just a long holiday, and I'm gonna wake up and live in Switzerland again', because I did a lot of extended holidays to follow bands around the UK in the two years leading up to my move so... yeah, it was rough. And then when I returned home to London Ruth and her mum had bought me my own bedsheets (zebra striped), and made up the bed in my room, and put a big bow on it, and I'm basically in floods of tears just thinking about it now. They made me a home that I was welcome in. And I’ll never forget that.
How about one of the best you've given yourself? I honestly can't think of anything that was a "birthday" gift to myself. hmmm. When I quit smoking I put £5 into a jar every day, that I wasn't spending on cigarettes, and then Ruth and I went to New York and attended Elsie Fest with my 'No Longer a Smoker' money, buying VIP tickets that came with awesome seats and a tonne of free booze... that was EXCELLENT! haha
What's your favourite cake flavour? Not a big fan of cake. I like raw cake batter an awful lot better than actual cake. So I now always ask for chocolate mousse for my birthday :)
How about your favourite flowers? Wild Flowers. And I quite like interesting twigs, too.
Have your ever thrown a birthday party? If yes, tell us about your favourite one. Oh yeah, I throw awesome parties. Here's just a few recent ones, or you can check out the Mys in the Kitchen tag for what may get served at my birthday parties... haha Though actually a couple of years post pandemic I wanted to have a brithday party, but keep it small and covid friendly, so I had a Cocktail & Cookie Icing party, which was so much fun!! I highly recommend everyone to throw a party at least once in their life, that includes like a fun workshop element. We had such a good time!
What's the ultimate birthday song?
Because it’s my birthday and people have to let me play it haha
There we have it! Birthday fun! Now it's your turn @deedala @ian-galagher @iandarling @darlingian @celestialmickey @crossmydna @too-schoolforcool @rereadanon @rutherinahobbit @the-rat-wins @tsuga-of-mars @heymrspatel @gallawitchxx x @iansw0rld @ohkate @palepinkgoat @lynne-monstr @loftec @sickness-health-all-that-shit @faejilly @junemermaid @jrooc @mikhailoisbaby @creepkinginc @francesrose3 @callivich @blue-disco-lights @sleepyfacetoughguy @stocious @spookygingerr @lingy910y @suzy-queued @greentealycheejelly @thepupperino
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marchsfreakshow · 1 year ago
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Stranger, Lover. (Dandy Mott Imagine)
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Imagine being a person on the streets, and finding yourself watching a Freakshow through the peek's of the tent.....
I was tired from walkin'. There were lights ahead of me, so I kept going, kept pushing despite my legs wanting to give out right now. I ran. I ran and ran.
Elsa's Cabinet Of Curiosities, the sign said. I knew I couldn't pay for a ticket, so I sneaked. I snuck around until I peeked my head through a hole, and watched. A two headed lady. The Tattler Twins the police searched for, a few weeks back. Dwarves, Lobster Boy, Amazon Eve. I was happy to be sitting, and watching in the corner.
A tap on my shoulder made me stand up immediately. "What are you doing?"
"oh, uh. Nothing sir. I'm sorry sir...you see."
"calm down." His voice was sharp and quick. I could only guess where he was. "...come with me."
"I can't see you.." I replied sheepishly, but he grabbed my hand and took me around the back, where we found a working carousel. No one was on it. In the light I saw his face. A handsome man. "A carousel? Why here?"
"I think, you need some fun. None of the freaks are interesting. They cast me out."
"Cast you out? Why?" I asked, as he helped me onto a horse. The strange man just joined me on the back of the horse, holding onto me. I guess because there was no where else to hold.
"Because they don't think I'm one of them." Music sung in the air quietly. It was an amazing feeling, riding a carousel.
"Oh, why I'm sure you are though." I giggled. While i think he smiled, the carousel came to a stop almost immediately. The man got off and helped me off after. Lobster boy was infront of me. Two handsome men, I felt fuzzy. Embarrassment came over me, I wanted to run. Running away from my problems was my solution for everything. Flight over fight everytime.
"Lady! Don't go anywhere. Why are you here? With Dandy of all people." His accent was smooth. It stopped me from running, and I turned back around on my heel.
"I...uh, couldn't afford a ticket. Ticket lady wasn't there, so, I snuck in and..watched."
So, the man who rode the carousel with me was called Dandy. I didn't want to look away from his face, he didn't look away from mine. We exchanged smiles, before dandy carried on answering. "I personally, was walking around and happened to see this young woman here. I find you freaks boring. I wanted to show her a better time."
"Scram!! Right fucking now! Dandy you dont belong here, you know that." Lobster Boy continued.
"I hate you!!" Dandy screamed. He took my hand and we ran. Again. Back to running. The pain in my legs became obvious again. Darkness over took me, leaves crunched underneath us. The Freakshow disappeared behind us.
"please! Stop! I feel weak..." I wheezed, sinking to a stop and onto my knees. Everything hurt. I needed water, but I doubted I was gonna find any in the woods this dark.
"Are you okay? Are you hurt pretty lady?" Dandy asked. Pretty lady? That's a compliment.
"No...just..tired. My legs feel like jelly. I'm shaking. I've done nothing but walk and run for the past 3 to 4 hours. I think."
"Oh. Well, build us a tree fort. We can sleep in there."
I raised an eyebrow he couldn't see at him. "It's fine. Do it."
So I built in the dark, leaves, twigs, branches, anything and everything was used. As soon as I was done, I grabbed Dandy's hand and pulled him into the cozy shelter. He was practically ontop of me. "Are you okay to sleep like this?" I asked. He made a face in response.
"No, but It'll have to do."
We slept. He slept ontop of me, almost making me lose my ability to breath. But it was nice. Human comfort and company. Especially with a handsome man like the one on top of me.
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Haii, I literally just had a dream about this, so I wrote it cause it was gold lol. It's not proof read, and it's a quick write. I hope you enjoyed!!
@babygorewhore @slvt4jamesmarch @taintandviolent @tatelangdonsweater hi tag list! Enjoy this imagine 💜
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katyspersonal · 7 months ago
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I don't believe I am going to make much SOTE progress today, especially since this traitor @fantomette22 is apparently asleep/busy and can't help me right now -_- So yeah, some extra stuff before bed
1) It is interesting to think of an implication of this item.. damn, apparently there WILL be places where you are stuck but can't teleport or something? :p Okay then.. Sacrificial Twig + this shit it is, then?
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2) They continue with the "monkeys are trying to comprehend magic" lore!
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! Onze is the Demihuman swordsman I fought in the Belurat Gaol earlier! The sword is dropped by a Demihuman Queen you fight in Cerulean Coast! I mean, yeah, even in the base game there was a Demihuman in Weeping Penunsula who used a Glintstone Staff, but damn..
3) Miyazaki: Yeah DLC area map will be like the size of Limgrave :)
Also Miyazaki:
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Me: Girl you ok? 💀💀💀
4) I love the woman with Sulyvahn's blades, but I can't defeat the woman with Sulyvahn's blades ;-;
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Maybe eventually.....
5) WAIT gdhyyf it is like, a symbol of moon and flame or something?????
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This is adorable gfhgfhgggb I know it makes sense, but aww
6) I already screamed about it at Fantomette, but
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HOLY SHIIIIIT SHE WAS FUCKING RIGHT ABOUT DRAGONS FASCISM THIS WHOLE TIME WHEN WE QUESTIONED WHY WOULD DRAGON COMMUNION BE A THING IF GODWYN BEFRIENDED ANCIENT DRAGONS THE ANSWER IS THAT ANCIENT DRAGONS FUCKING HATED GREYOLL-TYPE DRAGONS I REPEAT THEY HATED THE "IMPURE" OFFSPRING OFF THEIR SPECIES WHAT THE FUUUUUCK AAAAAAA
7) There is a new Carian Knight! And it is a big deal since they were "no more than a dozen"! Cool!!!
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And it is a girl! However I am curious.. Moongrum, Moonrothyll... why their names start with 'moon'? Are they siblings? Or maybe Carian Knights had ancestry thing going on so those born with expectation to be raised as Carian Knight had 'moon' names in advance? Or they assume 'moon' name as new one upon entering a service (least likely since we already can recall exception)? Arghhhh
8) Okay this was actually an important one for me personally! So basically @jarognieva asked me whether I've met Queelign and I said I had no idea who it was. So greeeat, I've missed an invader -_- She said he was at Belurat and I checked but he never appeared, so I assumed he is one of those invaders that vanish after the boss of the area is defeated. (Who thought it was a good idea? I bet I've missed a cool drop... ;-; ) However, she added that he also invades in another place but she would not tell where! I didn't mind that and continued exploring the DLC as usual. So, after defeating that red bear beast at last (horaaaay!!!), I decided to check a distinct building on that map, and GUESS WHO I'VE MET?????
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THE FUCKING GUY HIMSELF LOL!!! OF COURSE HE HAS A FUCKING PETRUS HAIRSTYLE LMAOOOOOOO GGJHJGJJ
So basically bro talked shit (that all 'graceless' shall meet death in Messmer's flame), that already made me REALLY want to kill him as if this cursed hairstyle wasn't enough gghghg . And he also called us 'graceless heathen' upon death lol. But it ACTUALLY clicked when he dropped an item, like:
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Okay all 6 of you already had enough of my lunatic ravings about how much I abhor this specific type of attitude, as well as my theories on Messmer's motivations being rooted in purism of religious kind when anon asked about my expectations for him (I haven't met him yet so schhhh). But it is.. more than that. Miyazaki hates this sort of people too, especially he consistenyly bullies clerics in his works. Just.. read this description
Like not only this gave me some STRONG hatred for this character already, but also reminded me of one of the reasons I ended up loving Miyazaki's works so much to begin with. Shit like this just makes me feel understood, and without exagerration, reading this gave me HUMANITY RESTORED effect after I was feeling low because of a certain spoiler 😔 Honestly.. I don't care how many dramatic blonde twinks he will do dirty with a random plot twist, but as long as he addresses his disdain for this kind of people in his works I'll always love his games. Like I know it sounds oddly emotional but you need to be familiar with his other works to understand vfhgjbghb My faith in him as a creator straight up got restored, it is a personal detail for me!
9) So I figured that Ascetics are dropping pieces of their set.. I had suspicions, yeah, but now I am just sad ggjhhhjj I don't want to grind these guys *ends up doing it anyway probably*
10) For some reason I am starting to really like that hornsent guy who drafts maps of Miquella's crosses! Knowing Soulsborne tho I guess I just need to wait for something bad to happen to him -_-
11) Some people (all two of them) legit thank me for showing these item descriptions because they can't play the DLC themselves, but the players they watch don't stop to read items lore! Okay.... I guess I'll continue, heheh;
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doobs · 1 year ago
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May we have Dallas quotes? He is my fave vent crawling fella out there
I don't know about you but that statement makes Dallas seem very sus... 🤔
EDIT: I ACCIDENTALLY DIDNT CHANGE THE NAME OF ONE OF THEM AND IT SAID AHSOKA INSTEAD OF DALLAS LOL IM SO SORRY
---
Brett: We've been conducting an ongoing study to see what Dallas will and will not eat.
Lambert: Grass? Yes!
Brett: Moss? Right.
Lambert: Leaves? Ohh, yes!
Brett: Shoelaces? Strange, but yes.
Lambert: Worms? Sometimes!
Brett: Rocks? Usually nah.
Lambert: Twigs? Usually!
Brett: Ripley's cooking? Inconclusive!
Kane: How did you... test this?
Lambert: You just hand him stuff, say 'eat this', and if he eats it, he eats it.
Kane: ...I'm oddly disturbed and concerned for Dallas' wellbeing.
Parker: IS THAT WHERE ALL MY SHOELACES WENT??
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Parker: Guess what I'm about to get?
Dallas, under his breath: ...on my nerves.
Parker: LAI-
ripley has hit parker in the head with a flamethrower
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Dallas: Tired of just deserving better. Gotta start taking it by force.
meanwhile crawling through a vent with an alien in it
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Ripley: You have friends, and... I envy that.
Dallas: You're welcome to share my friends.
Ripley: *looks at Parker and Lambert*
Ripley: I don't want those.
---
Lambert: So, what’s Ripley's type?
Dallas: Blue eyes, kind, oblivious, good sense of humor, turtle lover.
Lambert: Sounds kind of like me. Too bad we’re just friends.
Dallas: Did I mention oblivious?
Lambert: Yeah, why?
Dallas: Okay, just making sure.
two weeks later, lambert laying in bed: oh my GO-
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Dallas: I wish I was a cat, but not in a furry kinda way, more like a "I can sleep all day and hit people with no consequences" kinda way.
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Ash: Is it still visible? Where Ripley slapped me?
Lambert: Your face looks like a don't walk signal.
Parker: Your face looks like a photo negative for the hamburger helper box.
Dallas: A palm reader could tell Ripley's future by looking at your face.
Brett: The phrase 'talk to the hand cause the face ain't listening' doesn't work for you, because the hand is your face.
Ash: ...A simple 'yes' would've sufficed.
---
happy 2024 :)
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sollucets · 10 months ago
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get to know me tag
as tagged by @ranchthoughts, @twig-tea, and @troubled-mind! thank u everyone 💜🥰
do you make your bed? literally never!
what's your favourite number? 52. i picked it as a child and i don't remember why, but it pleases me still
what is your job? i'm a humble lil grocery store employee
if you could go back to school, would you? if i could quit my job and go to school and still have my same money, then yes, i should think so, but that's super not happening! it might be nice to have a second degree. i think history would be fun
can you parallel park? yes i can! i used to have to do it every day to park in front of my last house. >:c
a job you had that would surprise people? i think all of my jobs have been either rather generic or right on the nose for what people would expect of me so probably not. i was a nighttime gas station attendant for a fair bit of college, which could be a surprise i guess? everyone always goes ":0 but werent you scared????" and like, no, not most of the time, but sometimes you do it scared yknow
do you think aliens are real? yes, but real in a way that there are many real things i can't see and don't understand (protons, gender, etc)
can you drive a manual car? i could do that once and probably still can, but it's been a long long time since i practiced
what's your guilty pleasure? as far as media goes, i do my very best not to have things like this. if i feel bad about liking it i generally do not like it for very long. i would say the closest is being into kpop, but it's not like i keep that a secret, i just dont really want to engage with kpop fandom, so i dont often post or talk about it publicly. a real guilty pleasure is that i like cherry pepsi too much
tattoos? i have one; he's on my left forearm & he's an abstract little spaceman with a fern for a head. i call him my cosmonaut. i have plans for more but i never have the time or money lately
favorite color? we know this one already surely. 💜
favorite type of music? ohh, i don't like to discriminate hehe. my very favoritest songs usually have fun harmony or funky rhythms, though, and it's best if i can sing along
do you like puzzles? sure! i used to have a book of fairy puzzles when i was a kid that i love dearly even now
any phobias? i am afraid of all bugs, but i can be a grownup about most kinds of them. i Cannot be a grownup about moths or centipedes, which i am terrified of (using those words will cause this post to be filtered for me on tumblr). i try not to kill them if i can avoid it, since it isnt their fault i'm like this, but i,,, i really can't, i'm useless if i see one. when id find centipedes in my room at my last house i wouldnt be able to sleep.
favorite childhood sport? i did tennis all of middle and high school, explicitly because of ryoma echizen prince of tennis lol. i was on varsity! i also figure skated as a kid. both are still fun when i get the chance
do you talk to yourself? oh yes all the time. i keep odd hours so i used to accidentally wake my roommate cause i just kind of absentmindedly chatter abt everything
what movies do you adore? i am not really a movie person if i'm perfectly honest; i don't watch them often as an adult. from my childhood my favorite movies were kenneth branagh much ado about nothing, the princess bride, pokemon 2000, and return of the king
coffee or tea? neither, i dont like most hot drinks. apple cider is ok now and again but i usually drink it cold, and im horribly picky about hot chocolate
first thing you wanted to be growing up? i changed this answer all the time as a kid and i have records of me doing so in my old notebooks lol! answers i know about include "pilot", "author", "dragon", and "eowyn"
this one seems like it might be a little personal so im shy to tag people hehe. go ahead and put me down if you want to do it though; i will be happy to know :)
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toxi-works-at-culvers · 1 year ago
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also what are some of your headcanons for him? i'd love to know:)!
ohh i have so many thoughts about him, thank you for asking! :3c
some general stuff first i guess? i think he genuinely loved his kids! and i think that he also liked kids in general, since he opened up fredbear's and all. i don't think he was the best dad, but i think he genuinely tried. and i don't really like when he's portrayed as abusive because i don't feel like it makes sense for his character.
basic stuff: 6 ft 2 in tall, built like a fuckin twig, scariest gray/green eyes you will ever see. charming bastard smile. missing a tooth because he's definitely gotten into a fight before. wears purple in almost every outfit and dresses more formally than needed. bisexual. somewhere in his mid-30's in 1983
hobbies include robotics, designing animatronics, acting, journaling, and juggling (canon btw)
british. that's not even a headcanon but i feel like it's being forgotten lately (matthew curtis' voicelines for him + he's not gonna have an accent in the movie… sad!)
very afraid of death
has a very high opinion of himself
probably had a cat at one point. i feel like he would
i think his hair would start graying kind of early because of stress. the man's a workaholic and has definitely done more than a few all-nighters :P
i also think he got married kind of early (in his 20's or so) from societal pressure and also oopsies!! accidental pregnancy! so yeah. michael was an accident but william still loved him - but once elizabeth and evan were born william kind of ends up ignoring michael in favor of them. and that causes michael's teen angst to get especially angsty which is why the bite of 83 happens
he 100% used to have a thing with henry. there's no way they weren't at least a little fruity. (from the silver eyes, "a search of his house had found (…) stacks of journals full of raving paranoia, passages about henry that ranged from wild jealousy to near worship." tell me that's not homosexual.) but anyways they both have families now, yet william still lowkey kind of wants henry. but will never have him because they are both doomed by the narrative :) (edit to also say. they are like a divorced old couple tbh.)
his opinion about henry swaps around a lot. sees henry as being superior and better than him even if, technically, william has made wayyy more advanced animatronics. or sometimes thinks that he's the best and henry would be nothing without him.
and now his personality!! i kind of try to base most of it on how he's portrayed in the books, with my own touch added on. basically he's silly! he's a great actor and he's very theatrical. he's also very charismatic, good at interacting with people as well as getting what he wants. but underneath all that he's kind of an asshole, he's really selfish and only really cares about himself. he's egotistcal and he doesn't admit his faults because he thinks he can't be wrong. so yeah. (this actually got really long so i condensed it down. more elaboration under the cut)
gets springlocked and dies in 1993. returned to the fnaf 1 location because he wanted to destroy the old animatronics, thinking that it might free the souls and let him avoid their wrath or something idk. kind of backfired on him.
post springtrapping he's had a lot of time to reflect, but rather than feeling guilty he feels like he needs to get revenge. he wants to kill everyone who's ever wronged him and that's what keeps him going, even in death. (also the only one he might ACTUALLY somewhat regret is killing charlie, because of how it broke his relationship with henry. but otherwise he doesn't feel guilty at all.)
and most importantly, the fnaf 6 ending (with henry's speech) is canon and he's dead after that :) no glitchtrap, no mimic, no FUCKING FEAR GAS!1!1!11
(the original, longer version of his personality here lol) i think that william is actually a very silly goofy guy! he's dramatic, he's an entertainer and an actor as shown by how he acts when he's wearing the springbonnie suit. although he's definitely playing it up for an effect there, he's still kind of uhh. theatrical i think. but he's also very charismatic and could probably smooth talk his way out of prettty much anything, which is part of the reason he doesn't get arrested after the MCI (also the lack of evidence). at the same time he has kind of a weird vibe to him, you can just tell there's something wrong with this dude, like maybe he's trying a little too hard to look normal.
and thennnn there's what's beneath the surface. william is kind of insensitive, self-centered/selfish, and egotistical. he also absolutely refuses to admit his own faults or shortcomings. something bad happened? not his fault! he was wrong about something? no he wasn't! another thing, william is very paranoid and usually feels like anyone or anything could be a threat to him (mostly because of that one passage from the silver eyes, "had spent so much of his life fighting like a cornered rat." and ANOTHER thing from the silver eyes, "he had taken on the mantle of bitter sadism as an integral part of himself. he would strike out against others and revel in their pain, feeling righteously that the world owed him his cruel pleasures.")
at first he kills charlie because he wants to bring evan back, and feels he deserves some kind of revenge on henry because it was HIS animatronic that did the bite after all, right? but along the way he realizes he enjoys killing. and that it feels so good to have power when he hasn't for most of his life. so he keeps going, and eventually all that comes crashing down on him. and it's tragic! because he used to have what many would call a perfect life. but he completely ruined that with his own selfish desires.
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justatiredghost · 1 month ago
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No Freedom from Knowing ch12
The general mistrust of magic as well as dangerous people in his past kept Jonathan Sims isolated, hidden away where he hoped he might finally be safe. Until he met someone who might be worth shattering that peace for.
(yes, I know this was supposed to be done, but I wanted to write more lol)
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John kept glancing over at Martin as they walked, a dangerous pastime since it meant he wasn’t watching his feet carefully enough and almost tripped several times. There was no way Martin could have missed it, but he seemed to be content to wait for him to speak up. 
“Are you all right?” John asked eventually, unable to bite his tongue any longer. 
“I swear, John, if you ask me that one more time—“ Martin said, looking amused despite his exasperation. 
“Ah, right,” John said. “My apologies.” He hadn’t realized how often he’d been asking. 
“Is there something you actually wanted to ask?” Martin pressed. 
“I suppose, yes. I was just— wondering how you are adjusting.”
“I really am okay,” Martin said, and he sent him such a soft smile. “I mean, yeah, not knowing what we’re going to do when winter hits isn’t great, but that isn’t actually a new feeling for me. And being with you helps.”
“Oh,” John said, and he could feel his face burning at that. 
“What about you?” Martin asked. “You’ve been pushing yourself pretty hard. How’s your leg?”
“Yes, it seems I’ve gotten rather soft over the years,” John huffed in annoyance. 
“You’re not soft, you’re injured,” Martin said. 
“I don’t have time to be injured.”
“You have to pace yourself, we don’t know how long we’ll be traveling.”
“This isn’t actually what I wanted to talk to you about.”
“Oh, of course,” Martin said, amused. “God forbid we talk about your feelings, time to change the subject.”
“There just isn’t anything to talk about!” John said in indignation. 
“Uh huh,” Martin replied. 
“Look,” John huffed. “I just wanted to know how you’re doing with the whole Lonely patron thing.”
“Oh,” Martin said, and his smile slipped away. John almost wished he hadn’t pushed. He’d rather the teasing if it at least amused him. “I don’t really know. I think I’m okay, it just makes everything— muffled, I guess, if I’m not careful.”
“I’m here for you,” John said, before he could think too hard about it, trying to ignore the way his face flared with heat in embarrassment. “Whatever you need.”
“Thanks,” Martin said with that same soft smile again. “I know. Now,” he continued in a more normal tone, signaling the end of the conversation. “How about we set up camp here?”
“A bit early in the day, isn’t it?”
“Maybe, but there’s a lake and I’d like to try my hand at fishing.”
John was fairly certain the real reason he was suggesting they stop was because he was limping more than usual. He didn’t want to admit it, but he wasn’t sure how much longer he could continue, so he decided to take the offer to spare his dignity and agreed. 
Martin tried to hide his concern, but it was hard to miss. Maybe John had agreed too quickly, usually he argued more if he thought the insistence on a break had anything to do with his leg. He really did need it, though, so he chose a relatively clear spot for them that was out of sight from the road and sank down to sit against a tree with a heavy sigh. When Martin started gathering twigs and sticks, John waved him off. 
“Go do your fishing stuff,” John said. “I’ll take care of that.”
“Okay, okay, just don’t burn yourself again.”
John wanted to be annoyed, but had difficulty when he saw Martin’s smile. Instead, he turned his attention to making the fire. 
-
John wasn’t entirely sure if the nights were actually getting colder, or if he was simply struggling more than anticipated with sleeping outside on the ground. Usually, with a low-burning fire on one side, and Martin on the other, he was doing well enough. But tonight he woke up shivering violently. 
They’d managed to steal some supplies. John tried not to feel too guilty about it, and right now he was exceedingly grateful as he pulled the blanket more tightly around himself. He reached a hand out to pat the spot next to him, to find Martin and pull him closer, but there was only open air. 
Sitting up in confusion, he cast about, looking for where he might have gone. There were plenty of reasons for someone to get up in the middle of the night, he reminded himself, trying to choke down the panic. It didn’t necessarily mean danger, that Elias or angry townspeople had found them. But then he spotted Martin standing on the shore of the lake and he sighed in relief. 
The longer he looked at Martin, though, the more unsettled he became. He was only wearing his sleep clothes and, while he wasn’t as bothered by the cold as John was, he thought a jacket was at least advisable. And it looked like he hadn’t bothered to put his boots on. And then John saw the fog on the lake slowly reaching tendrils towards the shore, towards Martin, and his blood ran cold. 
John scrambled to his feet, frustrated with his stiff and sore muscles. He almost fell and grudgingly grabbed his cane. Everything was so still that he found he was afraid to raise his voice too much as he called out to Martin, but he didn’t respond. When he was close enough, he grabbed his hand and gave it a tentative pull. 
“Martin, are you with me? Can you step away from the lake?”
Still nothing. That was bad, there was no way he’d be able to forcefully drag him back. He moved to stand in front of Martin, between him and the encroaching mist, and put his hands on his shoulders. He looked even farther away than he had in the Lonely and he wasn’t sure the same method would work here. 
“Martin? Martin, please.”
John was always so afraid to use his magic, it was too dangerous. But if Martin’s life was on the line, he would. He focused, on his patron, on knowledge, on the memory of everything he and Martin had been through together. He had never attempted something like this before, but somehow he knew it would work as he slowly, carefully, brushed that knowledge against Martin; an invitation. 
Immediately, Martin’s eyes snapped to his, properly focused and wide, as a soft, “oh,” escaped his lips. He reached a hand up to touch John’s cheek, being so careful. “I didn’t realize.”
“Didn’t realize what?” John asked, still apprehensive, unsure if the danger was over. 
“Nothing,” Martin said, shook his head, as if to clear it. “I just— thank you. For letting me in, despite how terrifying it must have been.”
“Oh,” John said, as realization crept in. He’d just shared everything he felt for Martin, how much he cared about him, how lost he’d felt when he’d sent him away, everything. His face burned as he turned away, embarrassed, and he cleared his throat to try to regain some composure. “Yes, well, if you’re back with me, can we perhaps step away from the lake?”
“Oh!” Martin said, looking around for the first time. “Right, yes.”
“Do you remember what happened?” John asked. He threw a glare towards the lake, but thankfully the fog looked normal again. 
“Yeah,” Martin said. “I had an unpleasant dream, thought I’d take a walk to clear my head. I guess it didn’t go so well. I was already feeling kind of out of it, I should have seen this coming.”
“Did the dream have anything to do with—“ John began, trying to find the right words. 
“Loneliness?” Martin asked with a small sad smile. “Yeah. But it was just a dream. I’ll be sure to wake you up next time.”
“Oh good,” John said with a heavy sight and leaned against Martin. 
“Come on,” Martin said. “Let’s get back to bed.”
“With pleasure.”
His muscles were aching even more and they had to walk painfully slowly. It was with much relief that he was able to sink down onto their makeshift bed before resting his head on Martin’s chest. 
“So,” John began, hesitantly. “Exactly how much did I show you?”
“A lot,” Martin replied. 
“Oh no,” John groaned as he hid his face against Martin’s chest. 
“No, it was sweet.”
“I am not sweet!”
“Sure,” Martin chuckled, rubbing a hand along John’s back. “Still, thank you. That’s the second time you’ve had to pull me out of the Lonely.”
“I’m happy to keep doing it, but if this is your way to force me to talk about my feelings, I’m going to be very upset with you.”
“I haven’t resorted to life-threatening situations for that just yet,” Martin chuckled. “I need you to know something, though.”
“What?” John asked, sitting up so he could look at him, unable to stop the ball of anxiety from forming in his stomach. 
“I love you.”
John felt like his heart skipped a beat at that, his entire body going shaky, feeling sick with nerves. He never thought anyone in their right mind would say that to him. He certainly didn’t deserve it. He’d spent much of his life pushing people away because it was easier than facing rejection. But now, here he was with Martin, who had just seen the mess that was his own mind and had somehow not been turned away. 
“I—“ John began, but Martin silenced him with a soft kiss. 
“It’s okay,” Martin said, running his fingers through his hair. “It’s okay, you don’t have to say it back.” 
“No, I know,” John said, taking a deep breath. “I want you to know.”
“I do.”
“I want to be able to say it myself, then,” John said, stubbornly. “I love you.”
It was terrifying to admit it out loud, like it made it real, made it something he could lose. But it already was both of those things. He was embarrassed by everything Martin may have learned about him when he shared his memories, but he deserved to know. John wanted him to know how completely he was in love with him. 
The smile Martin gave him was radiant, and there were tears in his eyes that John wiped away, kissing him again and lingering close, not wanting the moment to end. He was loved, and he was in love, and while that didn’t fix their situation, it was a wonder all on its own. John pulled the blankets more securely around them both to block out the chill, to block out the world, so it was just the two of them. 
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littleladymab · 11 months ago
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FebruarOC - Kaedmon & Uriah
This is just their joint drabble because it was long and I wanted to pester you all one final time this month :') 
And because I forgot to say it on their individual posts, while I don't have a playlist for either of them, I do have one song for each of them that I stick on loop while writing. 
Uriah: The Dead South's "Yours to Keep" Kaedmon: Chase Petra's "Pacific"
This does just sort of cut off because i got too lazy to continue and didn't want to be here all day LOL 
++++ 
Uriah couldn’t believe this.
Not only did the rebel girl get the jump on him, but then they were both caught by the most incompetent smugglers that he had ever seen.
Yeah, well, who’s incompetent now, he thinks darkly. At least they tied his hands in front of him like the amateurs they are.
And no one knew he is ISB. Which, well, if he grew tired of playing the part he could snap the bindings easily and use his hidden comm device to call for reinforcements. His cover would be blown, of course, and it would be a stupid way to get a mark on his short but unblemished records.
He could check one roughshod smuggler group off the list and one rebel agent, too. A net win, in the grand scheme of things.
Uriah’s gaze shifts over to rebel; there’s still a twig in her hair and a possible shadow of a bruise on her cheek, though it’s hard to tell in the dim lighting of the cheap lanterns. She had a Fulcrum logo stitched into the seam of her jacket, but he has a hard time imagining that she’s the infamous rebel spy that ISB has been building a dossier on. If he has to categorize her, it would be somewhere above girl in over her head but maybe on par with the rest of these smugglers.
She’s probably just trying to catch the Rebellion's attention in a desperate grab to get them to notice her.
He frowns when he notices the rapid rise and fall of her chest, ragged gasping breaths even in unconsciousness. She had been wearing a respirator, hadn’t she?
“Hey,” he tries, but his voice comes out more like a croak and he has to cough to clear it. “Hey!”
Four heads turn in his direction, the others opting instead to ignore him.
“Are you trying to kill us? She can’t breathe. Give her back her respirator.” Uriah gestures with his bound hands to the rebel a few feet away.
She does a great job of gasping like a fish. Perfect. Right on cue. Couldn’t have asked for a better scene partner.
“What’s that to you?” one of them asks, the hulking Devaronian that Uriah has flagged as the leader. “Thought you and her weren’t working together.”
They’re most certainly not, but that’s neither here nor there. “I can not work with someone and still care if they live or die.”
Which, mostly true, but they don't have to know that.
He could really do with one less rebel wannabe in his neck of the woods, but it will be much easier to get out of this situation if she isn't dead.
Besides, she’s just a girl — barely 20 if that. Probably close to his sister’s age if he had to guess. And if she wants a purpose in life, well, she helps him get out of here and he can introduce her to people who can give that to her.
Two birds, one less rebel. Seems like a win win.
“Besides, if she goes missing, you’ll have rebels swarming all over these woods looking for her,” Uriah presses as he starts to lose their attention. It’s just bullshitting because he knows they don’t have the numbers to spare for someone — pretender or not, Fulcrum or not. But these suckers don’t know that.
Sure enough, when they turn away from him this time, it’s to huddle together and whisper plans. He tries to listen in, the implant in his left ear picking up their hushed voices, but fuck him they’re speaking Devaronese. Alright, props to them for that one, he didn’t see that coming. They’re systems away from Devaron and they’re a bunch of one-bit smugglers, how was he supposed to know they’d speak a language he couldn’t.
Note to self, he thinks wryly. Upgrade implant.
Still, whatever their discussion, he can see the agitation in their body language and the tone of their voices carry the argument just as well as their words.
Uriah waits, tense, wondering if they’re going to decide to cut their losses and kill both prisoners or actually listen to him.
He’s half surprised when they toss the respirator in his direction, watching its lazy arc through the air and frowning as it lands somewhere between him and the rebel. Should have expected that.
“If you want to save her, be our guest,” the Devaronian says, and then the gang all return to their dinners.
Well, at least it’s something. He’ll push his luck with food tomorrow if they forget to feed their prisoners this evening, but for now he can at least make sure the girl won’t die.
Uriah shuffles around onto his knees, careful to not seem too competent even with his hands bound. He picks up the mask, studying the structure in the poor lighting before he finds the power button. The internal mechanics begin to hum and a small puff of air ghosts out over his hands, which is as good as he can get it for now. She’ll have to handle the rest when she wakes up.
He continues his awkward trek over to her side and unceremoniously holds the respirator over her face. He doesn’t want to run the risk of her tossing her head or rolling over and the mask falling off, nor does he want to cross any personal boundaries and fasten it on properly over her head.
That’s when he feels the sharp threat of a knife right above his hip, somewhere around his kidney and intestine.
He glances down and finds her glaring up at him. He hadn’t realized how pale her eyes were — the nearly colorless brown of mica or the smoky quartz crystals he and his sister would find in their backyard. “Huh,” he says, more to himself than to her. “I guess you’re not so stupid after all.” Uriah gestures with his head towards the knife still pressed to his side. “Were you faking it?”
She rolls her eyes but makes no move to take the mask from his grasp, keeping them both in a vulnerable position. So, no. Likely not.
“Where’d you get it from?” he asks instead.
“They’re not very observant,” she answers, her voice husky and muffled beneath the mask. “Oh, good, you didn’t turn on the vocoder.”
Truth be told he didn’t know he hadn’t. He hadn’t realized it was two separate switches. “Can’t have you vocalizing any of our escape plans.”
“Oh, it’s our now?” she growls and the knife presses just a little closer.
“Knock that off,” Uriah hisses, finally giving in to the urge to squirm away and abandoning the mask on her face. “You’re a poor attempt at a rebel if you think you can get out of here without my help.”
The look she gives him is incredibly skeptical, as if she wasn’t just unconscious (or at least pretending to be) for the better part of an hour. Really he should have tried to wake her up sooner just to ensure she didn’t have a concussion, but there’s only so much responsibility he’s willing to take for her.
Then again, she did manage to grab a weapon from one of the smugglers during the skirmish and keep it hidden from them at the price of her blaster and her respirator.
“Look,” he finally says with an eyeroll of his own. He can keep his voice low enough, and he can hear her despite the respirator and the chatter from the camp. “Temporary truce?”
“With an Imperial?”
His head whips towards her so fast that his neck twinges. “What?”
The rebel struggles into an upright position, knife having vanished to who knows where, and fixes her respirator in place. Without the strain on her face while struggling to breathe and only the top half of her face scowling at him, she looks older somehow. “You think I’m stupid?”
He hesitates, then slowly says, “It had occurred to me, yeah.” He wants to know how she knows, but now isn’t the time.
“At least you’re honest.” Her head moves in a slow study of the camp and the surrounding locale. He can see the calculations behind her eyes, putting together what he already had: It would be easy to get away and keep ahead of the smugglers if they pursue, but pick the wrong direction and they’d be lost for days.
Well, technically. He could ditch her and call his back-up — or since she’s got him read, he could call and bring them both in.
Uriah watches for the moment when her thoughts add up to the fact that two is better than one and that she would need a partner in this escape attempt. “Temporary truce?” he repeats, holding out his bound hands.
Her eyes flash to his, almost as sharp as her knife, and she holds his gaze for a long moment before sighing. “Temporary truce,” she agrees, and touches the tips of her fingers to his in an awkward handshake. Then, with another, more dramatic sigh, she says, “I’m going to miss that blaster.”
“We don’t have to abandon everything,” he offers, settling back against one of the crates that form the boundary of the camp.
“The best option is to cut our losses and just go.”
Ugh, rebels. He doesn’t know if she just wants to avoid violence or she’s still keen on trying to get in on their operation. Either way, it could cost them if they don’t take at least the Devaronian.
So instead he says, “I’ll wager you the blaster.”
Her brow furrows and she considers him. “I lose the blaster either way.”
“Not if you get it first.”
She snorts, and he thinks there might be some amusement in there.
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opheliajupiter99 · 9 months ago
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Story Thoughts/Shipping Venting (no offense intended, just blowing off steam cause had a shit week)
Over here feeling very left out today with all the shipping pictures I'm seeing. Man, I know my friends don't actually -care- I think their ships are insanity, they'd said as much multiple times, but I still feel so out of the loop, like I'm the only person who doesn't give a fuck about shipping in this fandom (even though logically I know I'm not).
In my opinion, Kremy and Gideon are the only ones that make even the vaguest amount of sense, the Torbek ones especially confuse the shit out of me, since most of them beyond Gricko and Twig are kinda assholes to Torbek XD. Gideon I can sort of see since they're both prisoners, but still, all of it feels like utter insanity to me.
But as always, I highly encourage people to keep on keeping on with what makes them happy, as long as they never force it on others - or try to pretend its cannon when it clearly isn't, which thankfully my dear friends are masters at both. I dunno, just wanted to vent a little, I guess, had a pretty rough week irl.
And well, while I don't have any shipping related headcannons, I have plenty of thoughts of the darker parts of the story, horror fan as I am, like imagining what kind of nightmarish Arkham Asylum/Outlast esc hellscape Torbek was in, or the deeper conditions of the train and working facility Gideon was kept in and how each and every Hobgoblin treated him.
Or how Kremy'll react when the Baron inevitably shows up in the story at some point; I don't know when he'll show up, but I know with how much campaign we have left (one of my friends said we were only through like 6% of what they wanna do with Witchlight which is insane, but also awesome lol) that the oppurtonity's too good to pass up. Kremy's reactions of terror are some of my favorite moments, and him seeing the Baron would be -peek- Kremy terror, cause we all know the Baron usually only shows up for one reason lol.
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lowkey-loki245 · 11 months ago
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I swear to fuck that radio twig has become my Roman Empire so imma talk about him even if what I'm about to say is obvious because I care too much.
I feel like I've been interpreting Alastor differently from the rest of the fandom. Like, how I see him (and how I kinda headcanoned his story to be) is that Alastor did go to the hotel originally under Lilith's (or whoever owns him) orders, but got emotional attached to the point where he nearly died during the extermination for the hotel.
His mental breakdown is because he doesn't like that he nearly died for the hotel because that means he now has a weakness, that the hotel and those in it can be used against him. Alastor obviously cares a lot about seeming powerful and always in control, so of course he'd hate the idea of having a weakness.
I honestly see his hatred for seeming weak is because he doesn't want to get hurt, to be taken advantage of, and he does whatever it takes to seem impossible to hurt so no one will bother trying. He hated Lucifer at first not just because I 100% believe he has daddy issues, but also because it's kinda impossible to be the strongest in the room with the King of Hell around.
(This is just a small scene that could just be Alastor having fun, but Alastor destroying the bit of his coat that Sir Pentious ripped off could be him trying to destroying any sign of someone catching him even slightly off guard. I mean, bro's coat always looks ripped at the bottom, why does he care about another rip? Because he knows it's not just a rip, but a sign that someone could possibly get the jump on him. Anyways, back to me actually making sense and not hyper-analyzing small stuff.)
Hell, he's always being over dramatic when it comes to threats, practically putting on a show.
I also wanna talk about how (apparently, I'm going off Fandom Wiki here) Alastor had a "Dexter" (a fictional serial killer that only killed other serial killers) approach to the whole serial killer thing. That makes things really interesting. I'm guessing that means he only kills people he believes were bad people. He also apparently has some weird morals and I just find that intriguing. Just wanted to bring this up though I don't have much to say about it.
(Btw, I am in no way an Alastor apologist, that man has killed and done much wrong and I am not going to defend that. I just find his character really interesting.)
He just seems to always be putting on a show of being all scary and powerful, but also obviously does care at least a little bit about the hotel and the people inside.
(Also, I wanna talk about how I see this interacting with my fave ship, qpr radioapple. I kinda see it as that Lucifer is the only person Alastor can really just let himself be weak with because, well, it's impossible to seem stronger than Lucifer himself, so why even try. Of course, Alastor has gotten so used to his act that it takes him a while to calm down with Lucifer, but still. I kinda see them both helping each other in ways the other couldn't imagine. Lucifer helps Alastor feel like he doesn't have to constantly act all strong and scary in order to be safe, and Alastor helps Lucifer feel less alone after seemingly 7 years of not seeing anyone (how is that man not insane, 7 years? I couldn't stand a month and half.) I just like the idea of them helping the other feel loved for once in a long time.)
Anyways, I just wanted to ramble about this deer for a bit, lol.
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charonean · 2 years ago
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In depth backstories for them all?
Hey Ferre, did you know that I love you?
Prepare for a lot, so I'll do a read more, I guess lol.
So I'll do Casimir and Dmitri Klimek together because they're twins.
We'll start a bit before them though (because I've been developing their family a lot recently) with their father, a human hunter named Aleksy.
Aleksy had recently built himself a cabin in the woods and decided to not continue on with his family's business (they run a bakery) and to become a hunter. So now he's out in the woods once day, and he goes a little too deep into them (people don't tend to go too deep into these woods because there's a high number of wood elves in the area and they prefer to Keep To Themselves). But he's out, carefully tracking a large stag he'd seen earlier, when he steps on a twig and then gets shot in the leg. Apparently he'd frightened another hunter in the area, a wood elf named Emeril.
Emeril, panicked, felt really bad for accidentally shooting a human, and she decided to bring him back to his cabin and tried to heal his wound. And, as it goes, they fell in love. Thus comes Casimir and Dmitri.
They were raised solely by their father (they have no clue who their mother is (they don't even know her name...) because all their father will say about her is that 'she's gone' and they don't know if that means she's dead or she left (Cas believes she's dead; Dima thinks she left)). They were like the sun and moon; Casimir is more withdrawn and solemn, and he loves to study astronomy and sleep in late and he honestly doesn't care at all about his elvish heritage. Dmitri, on the other hand, is very outgoing and personable, he is obsessed with nature, and all he wants is to learn about his mother and what his elvish half. (I could talk so much about random points in their lives here and about their other family members (their aunt Alina (Aleksy's twin) and their uncle Benedykt (and later on, their cousin Erich)))
[At one point, when they were about seven, they were play-fighting with some sticks in the woods, and Dmitri accidentally cut Casimir across his face, and it scarred, which is why whenever you see art of Cas, he has that scar on his face.]
Now, Dmitri wanted to learn druidry. This was no secret to his family. However, it was a secret that he was teaching himself. He'd finally learned his first spell and he was so eager to show it off to Cas. So he took him to this small clearing in the woods by the river where they used to play. This part in particular was the rapids and their father had built up a small wall of stone so they wouldn't fall in. However, Dmitri stood up on one of the rocks as a stage so he could show off, but the spell had a bit of a kick to it, and he slipped on the wet stone, fell and hit his head on a rock, and drowned. He was fourteen.
Casimir was devastated and continued to blame himself for his brother's death because he felt he hadn't been quick enough to save him. In an attempt to redeem himself, he threw himself into his studies of astronomy and into being the best person he could be. He was very well loved by everyone in the town because of how helpful he was.
On the ten year anniversary of Dmitri's death, Casimir went to the river where he drowned, and he was looking into the water, begging for forgiveness, when he saw a second reflection staring at him. It looked just like Dmitri, aged fourteen. It was then that he felt a hand resting on his shoulder.
His brother was back. And he promised Casimir he would forgive him, if he did some things in return. After ten years of only wanting this one thing, Casimir immediately agreed, and thus entered his warlock pact. In return for forgiveness, he simply needed to eradicate all worshippers of this one god. A small price to pay, really, Dmitri had said.
And then from there the story can take one of two routes: Casimir eventually discovers that an evil, fallen god has been masquerading as his dead twin brother to manipulate him, and then he decides to sever the pact and become a druid himself. Or (as it happens in the dnd campaign I run, where Cas is an NPC)! Casimir never figures this out and eventually is appointed to the Warlock Council, a ruling body in their world, and continues to be manipulated and trapped in a state of constant grief and guilt for the rest of his life!
He is my favourite character ever and I constantly think about him. He is also married to another character of mine, Morgan. They are a bard/rogue and a good balance to the Casimir's studious and withdrawn nature. I have a lot more information, but it's hard to compress it all, so if you have more questions, let me know!
Now! As if that wasn't enough info for one ask! Let's move onto Liam Greyvale!
So, a little starter info: I initially created Liam's sister, Talia, a while ago but never developed much of her story. So he was created to fill a gap, but then I got attached.
The marriage between Nathaniel and Alice Greyvale was arranged and unhappy. Alice had been in love with a lower class man named William ('Will'), who had challenged Nathaniel to a duel when their engagement was announced and subsequently killed. Alice had been taken away to Greyhaven, the ancestral seat of the Greyvale family, before she had the chance to tend to William or wish him goodbye. This deeply affects her relationship with her youngest son, Liam.
Their first child, a son named Maximilian ('Max'), was incredibly good-natured and personable. Their second child, a daughter named Talia, idolised her older brother and constantly followed him around. Their third child, a daughter named Lilian ('Lily'), was often excluded by the older two (not so much on purpose, just because of personality differences) and so spent a lot of time doting on her younger brother. Their fourth child, a son named William ('Liam'), was born incredibly sickly and blind in one eye.
Liam spent most of his childhood confined to bed. His mother, who only ever called him 'Will' (a name that he hated, not that he ever told her), spent all her time at his side, tending to him. He feels a degree of resentment towards her because of how suffocating she had been to him. Lily also spent a lot of time with Liam. So much so that they were called 'The Twins' even though there was a years difference between them. She would often sneak him treats or help get him the books he would ask for.
He spent a lot of time reading and studying. He was very find of - and very good at - learning new languages. So he learned a great many and would write poetry in them. Additionally, he would make up new languages when he was bored... or he would play pranks on some of the guards that were posted to watch him. There was one guard in particular, Sir Cassian Edwards, the Captain of the family guard, whom Liam was very fond of.
Nathaniel Greyvale was not a good man. He was not a good husband. He was not a good father. And he was a horrible ruler. So much so that the people staged a rebellion to overthrow the family. This coup was led by Sir Cassian Edwards.
Sir Cassian believed that Max, whilst beloved by the people, was too submissive to his father's beliefs and desires, and thus he could never be a good successor to the throne. He, however, had thought that Liam might be a good replacement. Nathaniel had almost zero impact on his youngest son's life and since Liam had been so sickly growing up, he had almost no contact with anyone from outside, save for Sir Cassian. Liam was, in short, a perfect puppet prince.
During the uprising, Max was killed. He wasn't the greatest warrior, but he had died defending his sisters.
Liam and Alice were in Liam's room - tucked away in a far corner of the keep - and were unaware of what was happening until someone started knocking on the door. Alice went to answer the door and she instantly knew something was wrong. When she noted this, she was killed. Her dying words were "Oh Will, I love you." Liam was found by his sisters kneeling beside his mother, covered in her blood, holding one of the rubies from her necklace.
Nathaniel, Talia, Lily, and Liam managed to escape. From then on, Nathaniel began training the girls to become perfect warriors. Talia on the offensive, so that she may avenge her family, and Lily on the defensive, so that she may defend Liam, who was now the new heir.
It wasn't a good time for the three kids (who were 14, 12, and 11 respectively at the time of the uprising; Max had been 17 when he died) as Nathaniel was incredibly cruel towards them. Talia ended up leaving on her own to go get revenge when she was 19. For another year, Lily and Liam were at Nathaniel's mercy.
Liam, once again, was being used as a puppet for the adults in his life. First his mother had used him as a fill-in for her past love and the fact that she wasn't able to be there for him when he needed her. Then Sir Cassian had attempted to use him as a puppet ruler. And then his father wanted to do the same.
He had found a book on forbidden forms of magic. And he was quite drawn to the idea of blood magic. So Liam practiced in secret, just in case.
The time came a year later, when Liam was 17. He doesn't remember exactly what had been happening - a lesson of some sorts - but he was sitting in a chair, a mock-throne, and Lily was standing beside him as his bodyguard. Their father had struck Liam. Blood dripped from his nose. And Liam used that blood to cut Nathaniel's throat.
After that, Lily and Liam went on the run, separately, as Lily had grown to resent and hate Liam after she was forced to do nothing but protect him and was taught that she was nothing but a human shield for him.
For a year Liam was on the run before I started playing him in the campaign I am in right now!
And that's all for now!! Thank you for the ask!
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the1975attheirverybest · 2 years ago
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You're so sweet to matty about the ghetto gaggers thing all things considered 😅 i don't think critiquing racism and racist fetishes is kink shaming and racism doesn't become okay just because someone gets off on it. You seem a little nervous to critique it so I just wanted to come in here and say it's okay if you're not cool with that whole thing<3 no one is gonna think you're bad or shaming or anything 🫶 (also not trying to start shit about matty i still want that man in my guts every day of the week and twice on sunday)
Thanks for the encouragement. But, I’m not sure it’s that. Like, I don’t know if I’m nervous to critique Matty. I’m usually fine doing so, when I think it warrants criticism. It’s more that racialized “kink” isn’t a subject that I have given much thought to. I’m also not a black woman. (I’m Arab American but also find the designated ‘white’ label for us middle eastern folks kinda fucked up since it was solidified by a 70s court case that wanted Jesus to be white, lmao. That’s a whole separate issue.) so, I’m can’t speak on it with confidence, you know? If I’m gonna call someone out, I better have thought it through. And there were enough problematic jokes made in that pod that I WOULD call him out on, but this one didn’t come from him.
I’m just thinking out loud here, so lmk what y’all think! About the think thing, I mean. I think that it’s a tad fucked up for a white guy to be into “black women on white men” shit because I’m instantly thinking “why specifically black women? Are you exoticizing and fetishizing blackness”? Isn’t that kind of dehumanizing? Especially if it’s kinky stuff that includes a lot of physical pain (listen, I’m gonna be too much on the internet and confess that I am myself a submissive and a masochist, so I am not judging anyone who wants that shit)? At the same time, saying no to that kind of thing categorically sounds like I’m saying black women should not participate in BDSM sex films cuz they’re racist. That seems extreme to me. (Setting aside the fact that the adult film industry is itself problematic for sooo many reasons).
Then it gets even more dicey cuz what if you’re in an interracial couple. It’s normal to want the adult films that you consume to reflect your reality. You find your partner sexy doesn’t mean that you exclusively find all people of their race sexy.
I guess I’m saying I find white men who have a “black woman fetish” suspect but I think the issue is more nuanced than that and it’s hard to split hairs and make generalizations about the whole category. I’m not comfortable saying this specific type of kink shouldn’t exist at all. But I am comfortable saying that I got my eyes on you and I’m suspicious of you if you’re a white man who’s into it, lol.
NOW, back to Matty….he didn’t make the joke himself. It was the co-host. It COULD BE that the cohost simply said it to be provocative and gross. Given that a lot of the jokes that they made, both the hosts AND Matty, were racist and gross. Maybe he wasn’t thinking about Matty’s relatively recent breakup with Twigs. But maybe he was. I don’t know. But that’s hardly a situation that we can debate. So, I find it iffy.
As for the lyric “cumming to her lookalikes.” Maybe that’s what he had in mind, idk? But he probably would’ve said the same thing if she weren’t black? He’d just be watching women people porn and find someone who looks like his ex and jack off to that instead? That line is up for interpretation. I will admit that I might be biased, simply because POTB is one of my fav 1975 tracks. And, I do think that Matty has a way of making the complex crude as a rhetorical style. He does it all the time. “Eating stuff off of motorbikes” and “he would get him cooked animals” and “you took a picture of your salad and put it on the internet”
If he has said “eating stuff from delivery” the line wouldn’t be as BRUTAL, you know? Or if he has said “the internet would get him food through the click of a button” it’s not gonna hit the same way that “cooked animals” does. Or “you uploaded a picture of your meal to Instagram” not the same effect as “put it on the internet” so, the line “cumming to her lookalikes” could just mean he’s watching porn and thinking of her. Or he’s sleeping with people who look like her cuz he can’t have her. I’m not gonna take issue with that line just cuz of the way it’s phrased. But that’s just MY way of thinking about it. I respect everyone’s right to interpret things differently and I will not tell someone what they should pr shouldn’t be offended by.
Does any of this make sense? Yeah, let me know if I’m insane please lmao
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jodilin65 · 9 years ago
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MONDAY, AUGUST 31, 2015 Those Miracle Noodles were absolutely terrible. They smelled fishy when I opened the package, tasted horrible, and had an even worse texture. It felt like I was biting into a jellyfish since it’s actually a gel-like plant and not pasta. The stuff is worse than jail and hospital food and just totally gross. It also wasn’t the least bit filling and is way overpriced. Again, I’d rather just stay fat and eat real food even if it has real calories, too. Tom wouldn’t even touch the stuff, LOL. He said he wouldn’t even eat it if it would take away calories from his body. I’m still glad I tried it, though, because now I know what they’re like. I’ll try almost anything once.
I hope last night’s dream wasn’t a warning of any kind for me. It didn’t leave me with an ominous feeling so I don’t think it was. Either way, I stepped out of a vehicle in a large parking lot and it seemed like I was on my way to my dentist. The only thing that didn’t make sense was that it was nighttime and I was with three other people. All of a sudden I heard some shouts and maybe some loud sounds like firecrackers or gunshots. People started to panic. The three people I was with took off running toward a building and that’s all I really remember.
Saw Bob delivering what I'm pretty sure were veggies from his garden to other neighbors. Guess we only deserved some our first year here, LOL
SUNDAY, AUGUST 30, 2015 Everybody’s all excited about the coming fall and cooling temps. I’m not the least bit excited about the idea of being cold. When we got up this morning it was 73° inside the house and even that’s too chilly for me. Hard to believe it’s getting up into the 90s today, but it is. Dry climates are like that… the temp can be toasty in the daytime, then drop like a rock at night.
The trees are just starting to turn colors and lose their leaves, making a mess of the roads and calling for more sound annoyances (blowers). Every time I hear a pop as I’m riding over twigs or parts of pinecones I worry I blew a tire.
It was still a great day for riding. The sun was warm while the breeze was cool.
Went to Michael’s craft store yesterday and got a few adult coloring books. One has tessellated designs, one has oriental designs, and another has fashions, both modern and not. Got a few new mediums to color with too, that I’ve never tried before. I like the glitter markers, but the metallic pencils aren’t anything to brag about.
Today we went to Raley’s, which was utterly freezing, and I grabbed a couple of bags of Miracle Noodles. One’s fettuccini flavored and the other is spinach. It’s supposed to be 0 calories but still filling. We’ll see about that when I try them later on. I pictured dry noodles like Ramon noodles, but they’re in a squishy gel-like liquid. You’re supposed to drain them in a colander. It’s some kind of Asian pasta (shirataki). No calories, soy, cholesterol or gluten.
Last night I dreamed I was at my sister’s place and we were walking around her block with a guy she called Jeff. She and Jeff wanted to walk leisurely, but I wanted to jog, so I ran around the block until we crossed paths and Jeff called out “hi” as I passed them.
“Jeff said hi to you,” Tammy said, knowing I tend to be anti-social, but not knowing that I still observe things going on around me. I see. I hear. I just don’t always speak. But Tammy didn’t see me wave to Jeff while Jeff did, and he told her I waved to him on my way by.
Later…
We saw Bob and Virginia sitting in front of their place as we were finishing up our bike ride. Sure enough, not long afterward, Bob starts this loud, obnoxious, totally annoying hammering. And also sure enough, my husband is quick to defend him, saying he’s not being rude, that’s what people do, and our only option is to move.
No, there’s another option… for him to shut the fuck up. Seriously, I’m not moving. I’m through running from noise simply because people have no consideration for others. I haven’t done anything wrong and therefore I’m not moving. He may not do this shit every day, but now we’re up to 3 times this month, and that’s almost weekly. I don’t need to hear it and I don’t want to hear it!
He’s really putting a lot of stress on me. Once someone starts something at least regularly enough, then I have the stress of the anticipation hanging over my head, fearing he’s going to start his shit any second. I don’t know what I hate more, his hammering or his sawing.
This may be ultra-paranoid of me, but I wonder if I should have mentioned thinking of moving that day I let out my frustrations to Virginia when they turned the water off. Makes me wonder if they’re not trying to actually drive us out of here because they prefer older neighbors they can be friends with like the Ss, not that they’d necessarily get folks in their 70s or older here if this house were suddenly for sale. I just don’t have a very good vibe about him, and again, I’m the only one that can shut him up. Hope that’s not what I’m going to have to eventually do. I swear it’s like he’s slowly testing me like the blacks would after we’d lodge a complaint with the city.
Forget bitching to Tom, though. If I bitch about Bob, he bitches about me bitching about him. Seriously, he makes me feel like I’m wrong to feel annoyed by it… just like he has with all our neighbors. Had I been Bob in court back in 2000, would he have said, “I just want to see that he gets help?” Or would he have actually defended him because he wasn’t/isn’t his wife? Just wondering when I’m going to get the same defense he gives others. I’m sick of venting about someone just to have him either defend or make excuses for them. It doesn’t help and it doesn’t make me feel better. Should Tammy complain about me in Florida, not that I can see why she would, I hope I get that same fierce and automatic defense.
Just stopped and ran Bob’s name online again. Why didn’t I get this before? I not only see their previous addresses in Minnesota, which is where they’re from, but they also lived in Carmichael and Sacramento at one point. Also, she’s 82 and he’s 85, almost 86. So what do you figure… about 10 more years of this shit? Again, I don’t want the guy to die; I just want him quiet. I would actually worry if they died or moved because there are so many worse neighbors we could end up with over there.
Can’t believe they post all this shit on people for free. I didn’t even have to look hard for it. Really not sure I like all this info being thrown out there for all the world to see for little to no money at all. The name Tom is much more common than Jodi, but so far it looks like only old shit on us is available for free. Sooner or later our current address will hit the freebie scene, and again, I’m not sure I like that idea. If someone gets pissed at me online, what’s to stop them from finding our address, calling the cops, and saying I beat them up or threatened them? Or some other load of bullshit? You only need someone’s word, false or not, to convict someone. Prosecutor needs to prove you’re guilty? Wrong. You need to prove you’re innocent. So it’s not like I worry someone’s going to show up uninvited at the door, but more like use the law to spite us. Knowledge is power, and the more info you have, the more you can use it against someone whether they deserve it or not. Still, I’m not going to let it scare me offline.
So what happened to my lone LiveJournal reader? Scared off by the now visible tracking icon, or just busy?
SATURDAY, AUGUST 29, 2015 This cute kid in France on Ask said this when I asked him if he’d ever been to California:
‪No, but I would very much like to go. I understand California is a mighty pretty place. California is so far away, and they have those giant mosquitoes. If I go to California, the first thing I want to do is go surfing. ‪The population of California is 29 million. California isn't home to all of us. I have often heard the description that California is a country all of its own. California is the place I gotta be. California is the Garden of Eden, a paradise to live in or to see.
‪LMAO! Now should I burst this poor kid’s bubble and remind him of the ugly side of California? The drought, poverty, overcrowding, crazy cost of living, insane traffic, and other madness that exists here, etc.
For just $5 total I ordered this pink to purple hair extension on Amazon. Andy said I’m too old for that hair color. It’s true that younger people look better with unnatural colors in their hair – well, some of them – but must we put an age limit on trying new things just for fun? Some would say he’s too old for his Fireflies tour role-playing game, but is he really hurting anyone or anything? “Normal” is so overrated and I wish more people would just be themselves instead of trying to either blend in or stand out. Just who are all these people we think we need to impress and put on a show for anyway?
And how can some people say they stand for equality yet don’t believe gays should have the right to marry? Isn’t that like saying you’re too hot and then reaching for a jacket? This Iranian woman on Twitter was telling me she believes in equality, just not same-gender marriages. So then she doesn’t believe in equality. Equality doesn’t mean providing basic human rights to some while denying it to others. It’s okay to dislike or even hate certain groups, but why deny them the right to marry or any other basic human right?
Kinda pissed off that only 4 people did my survey. Tammy, Aly, and what I’m guessing was either Norma or Andy, plus what was probably a Prosebox hater by the way they deemed my stories as “disgusting trash.” LOL
Meanwhile, over 40 people took this other blogger’s survey on cheating. I guess it’s more of a fun subject than answering questions on someone’s writing/journal.
The only thing that shoots down a Prosebox hater is that Texas appears to have been in around the time that one took the survey. Do I have any haters there from Texas? Or could Kathy or Molly be behind it? Maybe Kim? Kim could have linked into it from Twitter. The Texas visitor wasn’t near where Kathy and Molly are, so I’m guessing Kim or a Prosebox hater. Canada’s also on my list and a user going by “deleted user” might’ve been the one since the only other two I can think of that I’ve had problems with there are in New York and Michigan.
I’ve also shared the link on Blogger, LiveJournal, and Facebook, but I find it hard to believe that a Facebooker was behind that one. It could be anyone from anywhere, but they definitely had to have seen my tweet or one of my blogs in order to get to it.
FRIDAY, AUGUST 28, 2015 Did a paid survey in Spanish and created my own survey to get thoughts and opinions on my writing, which I always value. I mean I’m still going to do what I’m going to do, but other people’s input is still nice every now and then. I am always curious about how they understand/perceive my writing. After I saw someone create their own survey on another subject on Survey Monkey, I decided to do the same.
I don’t usually discuss food in my entries because so many people run that subject into the ground (along with a few others) and I get sick of it. I don’t mind hearing about exercise routines on a daily basis, but food talk can get old at times, not to mention make me hungry sooner than I might have normally been.
But Lay’s Biscuit and Gravy potato chips are awesome! Aly mentioned liking them on Twitter and I thought they might be an interesting flavor to try. I like them better than Tom does. He thinks he will like the other flavors better. They’re fattening, unhealthy, and they give me zits, so I don’t have chips very often. I do sometimes indulge in sweet treats on weekends, but I rarely do salty things, bread, pasta, potatoes or rice.
Life with Hashimoto’s is all about fighting to keep the scale from climbing. As I would tell anyone new to the disease, forget losing. Your life mission is now all about keeping from gaining, and even with diet and exercise, it’s going to be a lot of work!
THURSDAY, AUGUST 27, 2015 Let’s see… Bob was loud for the second time this month, part of me wishes I could move to my sister’s park, and Tom will be home early today. They’re having a party he doesn’t feel like attending. Sometimes he attends, sometimes he doesn’t. I guess this one just doesn’t excite him for some reason.
Since non-stop running can get boring, I’m doing sprints every half hour on the treadmill where I will run for a minute or two at a time. It adds up over the course of the day.
I had a dream I was someplace that seemed similar to Valleyhead, which means I was probably there against my will. Especially since my dream self thought it was a good thing that I was finally adjusting to accepting where I was. Someone asked me if I wanted to attend some dance with them and a bunch of others. I said I’d love to but that I had visitors.
No change in Lori or Lisa’s Facebook accounts, but June might have gotten my message because I suddenly can’t see anything on her page. I’m surprised she didn’t just block me. This still doesn’t mean, for example, that Doc C got my messages. They still might not have gone through or they might be sitting unread in her other box. Truthfully, though, I haven’t heard any complaints about messages not going through on Facebook in a while, so that leaves the other box, or her seeing it and then marking it as unread.
Back to Bob. Yeah, he started his shit for the second time this month. Really worried that it’s going to escalate from here to every week or biweekly because this was the time last year that it escalated until I talked to him in October.
If there’s one thing I’ve learned in life it’s that the only way to solve problems with people is to take care of it yourself. You can’t depend on others (Joy) to help you. And I WILL put a stop to it if it escalates as I’m sure it will. I just don’t know how I’m going to go about it just yet without smashing his toys over his fucking head.
I don’t care how long he’s been here, I don’t care how nice he is otherwise… making such loud sounds unnecessarily when you’re so close to other homes is rude. But I’m through asking neighbors to quiet down (or in this case not use things that make such loud sounds). Asking politely doesn’t help and neither does screaming at them, threatening them, giving them ultimatums, or going to a third party. Only I can do something about it. Seriously, I’m the only one that can make it stop. He’s not going to stop on his own until he’s dead or disabled, and no one else is going to make him stop either.
I am just so sick and fucking tired of getting next to the noisier people in life and I will never again live where there's a garage or driveway so close to us. Ever. Most others around here are quiet and respectful and I don’t see why he can’t give us the same respect and consideration we’ve given him and his wife. We never make them listen to us. The only time he hears from us is when we’re landscaping.
He did say he’d let me know when he was going to be doing a lot of sawing (oh God), but I don’t know how well his memory works, and not everyone does what they say they’re gonna do anyway. If I knew it would only be once or twice a month for an hour or two… fine, I could live with that. But I don’t know. That’s part of what makes it so damn maddening.
I really thought garages would be a good thing as they provide a bit of a buffer between the houses, but I had no idea that they were going to go using them as workshops. I’ve only seen one person use the carport for woodworking. All the others were in garages.
Tammy's lucky. Nothing but houses and grass where she is. My only concern would be visiting brats screaming up the storm on the greenbelt behind her place and being so close to the clubhouse. She’s only been there three weeks but she says it’s very quiet and she never hears motorcycles or car stereos. I don’t know about individuals taking care of plants and stuff around their homes, but the grass is mowed throughout the entire area just once a week. There are no really loud blowers because their trees don’t lose leaves the way ours do.
I just think it’s pretty sad to know that I still have to blast sound machines if I don’t want to hear the shit that goes on around here during the daytime. Yes, some days are quiet, but not nearly as many as I would have thought and would have expected for being in a retirement community. A fucking 80-something-year-old man can be just as noisy as a screaming toddler or a 20-something-year-old welfare bum.
Life in general has gotten noisier and the park recognizes this. Therefore noise is just as accepted here as it is in the mainstream as long as it’s not at night, and they even started allowing motorcycles here. Kind of makes you wonder what the point is of having a retirement community, but I guess what matters most to people is being around people their own age. Next thing you know, though, they’ll be allowing mutts over 25 pounds. Then they’ll be allowed to toss them outside.
I’m just sick of the cock neighbors! Males make the worst of neighbors, not that all my female neighbors have been quiet in the past. But the females rarely use loud power tools. The only ones I’ve seen/heard making noise around our home and in other parts of the park were males only.
I don’t want Bob to die or fall ill since he’s quiet otherwise and his wife is always quiet, but I sure wish he’d get sick of the woodworking.
WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 26, 2015 Saw my sister’s place on Google Maps and it is absolutely gorgeous! Palm trees galore, green grass everywhere. Love how curvy her street is as opposed to the typical straight street in the West. I’d miss going down the “rollercoaster” here on the bike, but the flatness of Florida would make riding a bit easier. It’s cool that these days we can see places before we actually see them. I’ll recognize it as our rented car goes cruising up her street. Being on the corner helps, too. Love that no one can pull up alongside her place, but I wouldn’t want to live that close to the clubhouse.
Wish I could know beforehand if living in either Florida or Hawaii would give me allergies I couldn’t tame with a simple OTC remedy as has turned out to be the case with her. Oh well. I’ve got about 12 years before I find out.
I should find out, however, the dates and details of our vacation in a few weeks. There’s what I want and then there’s what’s best. I want to take the cruise that hits Jamaica and a couple of other countries besides Mexico, but it’s best to just sail to Mexico and back given my sleep issues. As it is, even a shorter cruise means cutting my visit with Tammy really short, but I’m sure she agrees that just seeing each other after what will be nearly 24 years is more important than the length of our visit.
Anyway, when I went out to mail Andy a couple of the kimono colorings on Monday, sure enough, Bob was right there. He was washing the SUV. I told him we were planning a vacation. Wonder if he’ll put our trash out while we’re gone like he did when we went to Maui. It doesn’t matter either way, though.
Went out bike riding after 3am when it was pleasantly cool and dry, and there was even a car driving through. That oughta tell you just how active this park is in the daytime.
My heart got a little racy and was beating a little hard for a while when I was coloring yesterday. I also felt a little warm. But because I’ve gotten to be an “experienced sufferer,” even though I was far from suffering, and “good” at this sort of thing, I didn’t panic or anything. Still, it was annoying and I wonder what it was all about? Did I go pocket-flaring again? Could it have to do with menopause setting in? Something else?
Yesterday the connection was the most Auburn-like since we've been here, cutting in and out like crazy.
I had a dream I was walking down a street that was lined by a canal or something like that. Some guy came racing by on either a scooter or skateboard. He started to turn down the wrong road since we were at a fork in the road, and when he quickly turned to go the other way he nearly fell into the water.
Then I started to jog down the street, tripped over the curb and into the dark murky water. I woke up trying to figure out how to get out of the water as I searched for something to pull myself up with.
TUESDAY, AUGUST 25, 2015 Thought I’d blog a bit while I backed pics and doc files up on my Amazon Cloud. Our tentative travel plans are this: Sometime in January, we’re going to fly to Fort Lauderdale on a weekday when it’s cheaper and rent a car to drive up to Tammy's place. Then we’ll drive back down to Fort Lauderdale in a couple of days because that’s where most of the cruises depart from. Most of them depart on weekends, too. From there we will sail to Mexico and then back to Fort Lauderdale where we will then fly back to Sacramento.
Tom printed out the first of the colored pencil holders and they’re awesome!
MONDAY, AUGUST 24, 2015 Tammy posted a video of her new house, and wow! It’s almost too huge for two people, but it’s modern and gorgeous. She hasn’t been in the greatest health, though. Last night’s dreams weren’t very good either, but I’ll get to that in a little bit.
Went to Raley’s yesterday as well as to Goodwill in search of what treasures they may have since it had been a while since we’d been there. He loves to check out the electronics while I check out the decorative stuff. He found lots of goodies but didn’t get anything because he just never has enough free time to play around with stuff. I found nothing at all. None of the dolls, figurines or other items appealed to me in the least, but I did grab some of that incense I keep swearing I’ll never burn with the mess it makes.
Took yesterday off from riding due to my knee hurting me, went riding earlier, and now it’s hurting again. I should’ve listened to Tom when he suggested letting it heal. So now I’ll be limping around all day. :(
I visited Norma in one dream I had last night. I entered her place and not only was her living room floor covered in grass, but it was very dim in the room and I could barely make anything out. I hugged Norma and said how I never thought I’d see her again. Milt was standing behind her and appeared to be two feet taller. Norma felt surprisingly weak and frail despite seeming to be strong and fit in real life.
Then I had a very vague dream about something bad happening to my sister (probably health-wise) when she was 62.
Then I was in a room listening to music through headphones when someone came into the room and I said in Spanish, “¿Es tiempo ya?” This means, “It’s time already?”
In the last dream, I called in a refill for beta-blockers and Skyped Tom to ask that he pick them up after work.
That would be a very bad thing if I ever had to take those regularly with the way they leave you so cold and sluggish. If I had to take them that would mean my heart was doing things it definitely shouldn’t be doing. I only had to take one once.
Later…
Remember? Remember when you used to write just for yourself? Yeah, this was what I was asking myself recently, and you know what? I definitely do miss writing for myself without censorship. I still love to share more generic things online, but I really should write more for myself and then edit it to make it online-friendly as opposed to mostly doing just online-friendly entries.
I decided that from now on the three blogs that I use right now will have online-friendly entries, but on LiveJournal and Prosebox I will also have private entries mixed in. I would make LJ all private, but I do have a regular there. Why deprive them of their reading pleasure, right? LOL
Anyway, I thought I would do a private entry to ponder and to vent. I still ponder over whether or not certain people got my messages on Facebook. I hate not knowing for sure. Just when I'm sure that they did get them, then I don't know what to think. It's hard to believe that many people are unaware of their ‘other’ folder or don’t check it. So I don't know if they're sitting in their other folder, never went through, or if they’ve been read. Stuff that's been seen doesn’t always appear to have been seen, and sometimes that feature only works for a little while. People can also opt to mark things as unread, making it appear like it's never been read. Never has there been a site with such unreliability and guesswork.
Now let me do some bitching about Andy. I really wish the guy had less free time, although I don't know if that would change anything. I'm finding him more annoying than fun lately, and that can't be a good thing, can it? I still hesitate to dump him because I don't know how he'll react. Maybe he will respect my wishes and stay away, or maybe he would stalk and harass the shit out of me. That's not what worries me as much as how it would affect him. He would be devastated and I don't want to hurt the guy. So I'm kind of torn right now between thinking of how he would feel and wanting to give myself a break from him.
Sometimes I try to think of ways to dump him without actually dumping him. Like telling him I think I'm going to prison for many years or something like that. The only problem with that would be Norma. She's our one and only mutual friend and he would see our interactions with each other thanks to Facebook thinking that friends shouldn’t have privacy from their other friends. I could tell Tammy what I was doing and she would cover for me, but I would never put anyone else in the middle of anything that would no doubt make them feel uncomfortable.
I just get tired of him assuming everybody thinks and feels the way he does. He just can't accept that not all minds and bodies are created equal. If he's obsessed with weight loss then he assumes everyone else is as well. I don't get him at times. It's like he wants to stand out and be unique, yet he lumps everyone together and assumes they all equate to him and vice versa.
If he doesn't understand something, then it's either all wrong or it doesn't exist. I get sick of his attitude at times too, and his negativity. It's like he thinks his ways are the only correct ways… his lifestyle, the way he eats… everything.
I also get tired of the immaturity and all the fucking repetition. He can't even go a day without mentioning food. Not just on Ask, but also on Facebook. He is horribly obsessed with it. How does he expect to lose 75 more pounds when all he does is eat, breathe and live food? If this is all that’s on his mind, he’s not going to have an easy time of it. He’s about to go from annoying to a bit of a concern with this food obsession.
Last night I started reading a post about his latest trip to his dentist and I thought to myself, finally, a post without food! But sure enough, he morphs right from the teeth to the food. Everything with him is about food, eating, cooking and exercise. They used to be about celebrities and God, not that he still isn’t into that. Who knows what he'll be fixated I'm next?
I seriously wonder if he’s intentionally going out of his way to annoy me. IDK, maybe deep down in his subconscious, he is hoping I will dump him? Some people are like that. They want to end the friendship but they don’t want to be the one to do it, so they do something to get themselves dumped.
Then there's that good ole stupidity and his memory issues, intentional or not, that drive me crazy. I realize he hasn’t changed since Arizona. Yes, he’s got his own business even though he doesn’t make shit, and yes, he has his own condo even if it was given to him and it’s noisy there, but Andy as a person is still the same old person he always was. He just doesn’t smoke or do drugs.
SUNDAY, AUGUST 23, 2015 The thyroid pills were fine, and they came from Walmart, not Costco. I forgot that we started picking them up there.
Anyway, yesterday pretty much ended up being a lazy day. I didn’t even go out anywhere. I almost skipped today’s entry because I just don’t have much to update on. I mean we were discussing our vacation. It’s getting close enough that we have to start planning the details. It would be ideal to fly to Florida, sail to Mexico from there, and then fly back to California from Mexico, but we don’t know if they do any one-way cruises.
He printed out a sample pencil holder with the 3-D printer, but the holes were too deep. He’ll get the measurements right, though, soon enough.
I’m public again on Twitter. I figured anything personal could be exchanged in DMs.
SATURDAY, AUGUST 22, 2015 Michael’s craft store opens at nine. I was surprised to find when I checked online that they don’t have any colored pencil holders. That’s okay because we're going to print one out with the 3-D printer sometime this weekend.
I noticed that my thyroid pills seemed a little bigger and darker in color. I'm going to have to check them out online to make sure they really are 75s. As scary as this may sound, everybody makes mistakes at times… even pharmacists. Well, anybody that’s followed my journal from last year knows that the last thing you want is too much thyroid hormone in your system, but if they screwed up at all, then my guess is that it’s a lower dose. I don’t think they really did screw up, but it can’t hurt to double-check. This time we got them from Costco instead of Sam's, so maybe their version of 75s looks different.
THURSDAY, AUGUST 20, 2015 I’m sad for Aly now because her bone marrow biopsy shows that she has Leukocytosis. That isn’t leukemia so she won’t need chemo, but she will have to give her blood which they will reduce the white blood cell count in, and then put it back into her body. From what I read about it, you can get it from infections, which she’s had, and should basically be little more than a pain in the ass. Meaning it isn’t deadly.
Last night I dreamed I was in some strange classroom all by myself sitting at a desk with one teacher scribbling something on the chalkboard. She turned to me and said that she couldn’t go on because she couldn’t see the top of my ponytail, LOL.
I said, “How about if I raise it up?” and I took my hair out of the large elastic it was in and began to create a ponytail at the crown of my head instead of the nape of my neck.
She said that wouldn’t do, and then I was with her and some other people in another room. I was goofing off by taking my hair elastic and hooking it over my nose and then down under my chin. It was definitely a weird dream.
WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 19, 2015 Brenda randomly came to mind the other night and I remembered that she said she had a daughter named Alicia. I looked up Alicia S on Facebook and found a nurse currently living in Florida who’s from Massachusetts. So I sent a message asking if Brenda was her mother and I never got a reply even though the account has been updated since I sent my message, leading me to once again wonder if my messages to Doc C ever went through any more than the ones to my cousins did. My guess is that there’s no relation. This woman was huge and blond and I didn’t see any resemblance. But still, wouldn’t she have at least taken the time to say she didn’t know the person if she had seen the message? The message never even appeared to be read, yet nothing popped up saying it was being sent to her “other” folder when I sent it, so I don’t get it. It’s like something up there is picking and choosing who gets my messages and who doesn’t.
Another thing I continue to be left to wonder is whether or not Andy is deliberately trying to annoy me at times with his fucking repetition, or if his brain really is that defective. Obviously, the first one would be the worst. Friends shouldn’t deliberately irritate those they consider friends, right? Yet this guy not only doesn’t seem to get it when I drop hints but not even when I spell it out bluntly for him.
It’s only been in the last few years that I can really understand my mom’s irritation with my own repetitious ways back when I didn’t have as much going for me as I do these days. Although I wasn’t hurting anything any more than he is, it does get old after a while no matter what the subject may be.
I told him yet again how tired I was of hearing all about his weight, meals and exercise routine day after fucking day. The guy is as obsessed with it as I was 25 years ago. Yet what does he go and do after we have this discussion? Says he wishes he had yogurt in the refrigerator. Meanwhile, we JUST fucking talked about this! How dumb can he be and how can that not be deliberate? If it isn’t, then he has a serious, serious memory defect. With all the pot he’s smoked, it’s possible, and while I can never know for sure if he’s really trying to annoy me or if he’s just that stupid, I suspect that a lot of the time he knows damn well what he’s doing. But fine. More repetition, less me. And I know he loves to play Ask when we're both online. Well, maybe if he’s smart enough to recognize a pattern (me checking in less often when he gets too repetitious) he will finally shut up about it or at least lessen it to a degree. As I told him, I’m not all or nothing on the subject. I don’t mind every now and then. It’s when I have to hear it all the time, especially after making it clear that I’m not interested and it’s getting old. But it does indeed seem that the more I resist something, the more determined he is to push it on me and that really bothers me. Like a waitress adding whipped cream to ice cream that I told her not to add.
Another thing that annoys me about him, and I told him this much, is that not everybody is just like him. Not all bodies and minds were created equal, yet he can’t believe there really are medical conditions that hinder weight loss because he’s never had this problem himself. He’s like that a lot… If he hasn’t experienced it firsthand, then it can’t possibly exist. And if he’s not happy with something a certain way, then how could anyone else be?
“Saying I shouldn’t be sad because some others have it worse is like saying I shouldn’t be happy because someone else might have it better.”
I couldn’t agree with the above statement more. To tell someone this is like devaluing their emotions and I personally find it rather offensive, not that anyone’s devalued my emotions lately. But they have in the past and I would always hate it when I would be told why I shouldn’t feel so bad when A, bad is bad enough no matter how bad that bad is, and B, we all have a right to our emotions.
Not much going on with me at the moment. I decided to keep the doll after all since the broken shoulder isn’t noticeable. She really is beautiful otherwise, and returning things is a pain in the ass.
I ordered an adult coloring book consisting of Japanese kimonos. It should be here tomorrow. Eventually, I’ll get a colored pencil holder.
Later…
Andy posted a picture on Ask of a dreamy-looking woman floating down a ladder of some kind in the clouds and wrote, “This is you going to bed.”
“But I sleep in just my panties and my hair in a ponytail,” I replied when I got up, and sure enough he said something like, “Well, it represents you going to bed, so go eat a cracker.”
Yeah, there’s that food mentioning again I told him I was sick of. Why is it that some people feel all the more compelled to do the things we ask them politely and kindly to please do less of? I can see if somebody demands or threatens that you do such and such a thing. That would make even me rebel, as that’s just human nature. But I can’t understand why some things are just so hard for some people when they’re asked and not pushed. Like the blacks in Phoenix… if I didn’t know any better I would swear I was asking them to torture their family members, and not to do the polite and considerate thing we all should be doing.
When I’m in the mood to write yet can’t think of anything new worth updating, I look at a list of writing prompts and randomly choose one. So how about negative people? I have no problem whatsoever with people coming to me who are down and out in life. I’ve been there before and I know what it’s like. But what really irritates me at times is when people are so quick to see the negative and not the positive. It’s annoying to go to someone with good news or something that I’ve accomplished or that I’m really excited about, and the first thing out of their mouths is everything bad about it or that could go wrong. Not “I’m happy for you” or “I’m proud of you,” etc.
I can totally understand people wanting to point out what could go wrong because they care about me and they’re just looking out for me, but sometimes it seems to go beyond reasonable caution and straight into downright negativity. Sometimes I’m left to wonder, are they really just looking out for me? Or does the negativity stem from their own personal misery? As they say, our attitudes are greatly influenced by our emotions and what’s going on in our lives at the moment. If you’re not feeling very well emotionally or physically, you’re not apt to see the glass as half full.
Time to get proofreading and editing my book. I hate this part of writing books! I also have to take my next Dutch lesson. I’m in the Reflexives section now and it is not easy. It takes about a year to get through the course if you’re consistent enough, and since I’ve been taking one lesson almost every day, I’m still hoping to get through the course by the end of the year.
Tot morgen!
TUESDAY, AUGUST 18, 2015 I LOVE how realistic and beautiful my new Asian Phicen doll is, but not at all happy that her arm broke so easily at the shoulder. Back to China she must go. The doll has a rubber silicone skin covering with a metal skeleton so there’s no way to pop the arm joint back into the shoulder because you can’t see what you’re doing. Another consumer mentioned breaking her arm too, but I just didn’t think anything of it. The joints are way too loose, though.
Another thing I don’t like is how she has interchangeable feet that I can’t change because I can’t pop the ball rotator joints out of the ankle in order to insert the other ones. One pair of feet is made for being in heels and the other is flat-footed. She has three sets of hands too, but those are simple enough to change.
Her face is very lifelike and beautiful and she’s way more realistically proportioned than Barbie and even my Tonner dolls. One customer’s review said that her hair appeared to be chopped off and randomly stuck on her head as well as too thin, but I don’t think so. It’s not too thin or thick, and the length appears to be pretty even to me, just below her shoulders.
Technically I could keep the doll because you can’t see the joint and the break doesn’t make her look disfigured in any way. She can still bend at the elbow and all she loses is mobility in the shoulder. I can’t set the arm straight down nor can I raise it. It has to be protruding from the body a bit, but it isn’t like it would look ridiculous. The point is that I don’t feel like this little 11” doll is worth the $96 we paid for her if she can break that easily. Now I’m afraid to move her other joints and the doll has 33 points of articulation. Better to just return her.
I saw a video of them repairing the arm of a life-size silicone doll on YouTube. You have to cut it open to fix it, then close it up with silicone glue. I don’t think it’s worth it on a doll that’s barely a foot tall.
I’m not too thrilled with my other purchases either, though they’re not worth returning. My chocolate incense doesn’t quite smell like chocolate. My toe ring isn’t as wide as I thought it would be, though it fits fine. And the fabric sticker of the white rat isn’t that great either. On a dark-colored door or wall, some of the color comes through and makes the rat look a funny color, yet it’s hard to see on a white wall.
MONDAY, AUGUST 17, 2015 At 11pm when it was cool enough, Tom and I went bike riding. It was beautiful out. The winds were calm and we rode fast. Just over 2 miles in 17 minutes. I did some running and strength training earlier, so I got a total of 30 minutes.
Since lowering my carb and sugar intake 2.5 weeks ago I’ve lost 4 pounds. Funny too, since I munched on a pint of coffee ice cream on and off throughout the day yesterday. Something’s definitely fired up my metabolism, though I still wouldn’t expect to lose much more.
Yesterday was Tammy's birthday and today’s her anniversary. I let her know we’re planning a vacation in early 2016 and would like to see her along the way. I told her we were considering a Caribbean cruise or flying to a resort and to let us know if she had any ideas or suggestions. Since nothing’s definite yet we also want to find out if any particular dates are bad for her.
It’s going to be stressful and hectic but fun and exciting. Some of the cruise ships have a lot more than the Westerdam ship we were on in 2007, including rock wall climbing! Jumping back 1 hour when we went to Hawaii was one thing, but jumping ahead 3 hours is going to be a little tougher.
I had a dream that one of my exes was living in a ground-floor apartment that was part of a long strip of apartments. I was riding my bike around the parking lot because it was spacious and I was curious as to what she looked like these days. Somehow I knew what she drove as well as where she lived and discovered her car wasn’t in its parking spot. Realizing the shy, quiet and insecure person was never my type anyway, I took off and decided not to bother waiting for her to return.
I also had a dream of accidentally stumbling upon a video of my PCP getting married. I thought to myself that her wedding gown looked expensive, and how her marriage had been arranged, even though they don’t typically do that in Ecuador.
SUNDAY, AUGUST 16, 2015 I realize that there is no reason I can't write about the exciting thing we’re researching and planning and hoping to do probably sometime in January on Prosebox because my family doesn't follow me here. They follow my Blogger blog. It wouldn't be the end of the world if my family found out about it because it's not like we haven't talked about visiting each other. I'm referring to my sister who I haven't seen since 1992, and her daughters. She basically knows that she has to take a few months to get settled in her new home, research the hotels around her, etc. What she doesn't know is that we're thinking of going on a cruise after spending a couple of days visiting her. Yeah, that's the exciting part. We just hesitated to bring it up so soon because there is always a chance, however slight it might be, that we can't make it to her this year. Or better yet, next year.
I actually won a 7-day cruise with Holland America cruise lines back in early 2007 that featured country singer Delbert McClinton, which I'd never heard of until I was notified that I was the grand prize winner, LOL. The cruisers would run into him on and off throughout the ship, and there I was having my picture taken with him in the elevator at one point and feeling like a total idiot because I didn't know the guy from a hole-in-the-wall. I just wanted to win the damn cruise, and I did.
Back in those days, I was a "professional sweeper." There wasn't much competition at the time and I won things regularly. I won everything… trips, cash, vehicles, electronics, musical instruments, clothes, food, books, CDs, gift cards, and so much more.
Looking back on it, it is easy to see that Tom and I have made a habit of taking adventurous vacations as opposed to relaxing ones. We're pretty much always on the go when we vacation. It was that way in Vegas, it was that way in Laughlin, it was that way in Hawaii, and I'm sure it will be that way in the future.
After returning from the cruise, I actually found myself a bit disappointed because I considered it kind of hectic and stressful… Until life turned up the terror a notch or two when we went through the hell we went through during our first few years in Cali, not knowing if the economy was going to kill us or not. I remember saying to Tom how much I wished to hell that oh-so-stressful vacation was our worst problem in life. Sometimes when you hit rock bottom you look back on something you thought was rough and you realize it was actually kind of fun after all. In fact, it was a little more than kind of fun. I would have given anything to be back on that wonderfully spiderless private veranda writing away in my journal than wondering if we could afford another night in our cheap motel in the seedy section of Sacramento, or if we would have to find a parking lot to stay in for the night while our stomachs rumbled with hunger. Those pesky housekeepers and that never-ending supply of food that actually wasn’t that great would have suddenly been welcomed big time. Every stupid little thing seemed so exciting and fascinating at that point; remembering how I happily jumped up and down waving to all the perfect strangers that were cheering and waving on land as our ship pushed away from the dock… watching the little guide boat guide the ship out into the open seas…
I don’t know why, but the mixture of fun and scary memories brings tears to my eyes. Perhaps it’s because for a while there I seriously wondered if we would ever get the chance to do it all again. Then again, I never thought in a million years I’d get to sail the Caribbean, drop down to the ocean floor in the Pacific in a submarine, or do many of the things I’ve done, so that can make it all the more special and emotional. You go through what I’ve gone through and you don’t take things for granted.
The lesson learned in the end… the future can really change how we see the past.
The question now is which cruise line do we travel on and which countries do we go to? The last time we went to The Bahamas, Puerto Rico and we almost made it to the Turks & Caicos, but a storm prevented us from docking safely. This time I’m hoping to go to at least one new country. Tom’s been to Mexico before when he was with the Air Force as a trombonist, but I haven’t been there yet. Other possibilities include the Virgin Islands, Jamaica, Haiti and the Cayman Islands.
We know we would like an outside room. A suite would be nice but that’s a lot more money. Royal Caribbean seems to be the best ship from what our research has shown us so far whereas we’re least impressed with Carnival. So it’s not just the destinations and excursions we have to research, but what the ships themselves have to offer as well since we would be at sea some days.
My sleep issues and the thought of getting next to either some drunk adults or rowdy kids worry me a bit, but I think that one week – just one lousy week – even I could survive. And yes, cruises are wild. There weren’t many kids on the last cruise but I can tell you for sure that the adults were more obnoxious than the kids ever were. Cruisers tend to get drunk, loud and wild. As I said, we don’t sit on our asses with a bunch of comatose people when we vacation. We really live it up right along with the others who are just as excited to do the same thing.
A very happy birthday to my sister today! She’s 58. I hope she has loads of fun and posts pics of her new house soon.
I was telling someone the other day how I can’t imagine staying in the same place all my life, and she agrees. I can see settling down when Tom retires, but I’m still too young to be in my forever home. If we don’t make it to Hawaii, I think we should definitely retire in a cheaper state. I would want to do this whether we had family or not since his retirement money is going to be a set amount and not based on the cost of the state. It would be pointless to stay in California all our lives, even if we could afford it. So I think it’s safe to say that in my lifetime I will have lived in 6 different states. It will only be 4 for Tom. This is his second time living in California.
I had a dream last night that I won 2000 crayons, not that this would be exciting. Never really cared for those old-fashioned wax crayons.
Andy was also visiting in another dream. I was out somewhere and I returned to find him in the kitchen preparing dinner. He was slicing a 5-foot-long celery stalk, LOL. I glanced through the door of the oven and said, “Tom doesn’t like chicken.”
He said, “It’s not chicken, it’s turkey.”
SATURDAY, AUGUST 15, 2015 We’re having another spell of triple-digit temps. Planning a swim for tomorrow evening since the water should be nice then. At that time I wouldn’t expect many other people to be there either.
I’ve been working hard throughout the week so I am making a point of having a leisurely weekend. I still did some work, including on my book as well as the laundry.
We should know more about the good news I haven’t made public by the end of next month. It’s not so much that it won’t happen but more of a question of how.
Tom’s going to spend the weekend coding the app. It’s one of those things that’s either going to make us money or it’s not. He’s going to be the coder and I’m going to be the tester as well as the one that comes up with a lot of the ideas, suggestions and details to design and function. He realizes that despite the limited time he has with all the hours he works, the only way to get it done is to just do it.
It’s a lot like writing a book. It’s very hard work and you probably won’t make a dime at it no matter how good your story and writing may be. But you either write it or you don’t. It’s that simple.
My parents were alive in my dreams last night and I went to live with them. They seemed like they were in their 50s and 60s. We lived in a long ranch-style house with a bedroom at each end. My parents were watching TV in the living room in the center of the house and my mother, who sat further into the room while my dad sat by the doorway, ordered me to be quiet. But I couldn’t help but point out when the news came on that I lived less than a minute away from this house where a murder took place in another state.
Then it was nighttime and my parents were out somewhere. I entered my bedroom to find one of my figurines facing backward. I figured my nosy mother had been checking it out. I giggled to myself at how pissed I used to be as a kid when she’d nose around in my shit, but I didn’t care anymore what she did.
Then I went out into the kitchen when I suddenly became aware of a few voices. I heard two or three people talking and an occasional peel of laughter. I walked down the hallway and into my parents’ semi-darkened bedroom. Straight across the room from the doorway was a window. I looked out and into the backyard next to us to find three adults chatting. I was glad that wasn’t my bedroom.
FRIDAY, AUGUST 14, 2015 Another short and sweet entry because there really isn’t anything new going on. I don’t remember last night’s dreams and all is still running smoothly here. I’m doing my usual things… Proofreading/editing my last book, taking care of the house, getting little treats on Amazon with survey money (I just got some chocolate incense), working out, keeping in touch with friends, etc.
Still haven’t heard from my sister since she moved into her new house. Hopefully, her silence is only because she’s busy and not because she’s sick or something else is wrong.
I have been hunting for wallpaper to decorate blogs with and other things. Desktop Nexus is definitely the best site for that. I just wish I had a way to view them on their site in a similar way that you can view photos on Facebook. You have to expand each of your favorites separately and then go back to your favorites list to select the next one. You can’t just click through them like you can with Facebook photo albums. Their selection is huge, though, and they have a lot of awesome pictures.
THURSDAY, AUGUST 13, 2015 Played around for a bit with a photo editor called Lunapic. They have an option that allows you to turn digital photos into coloring pages. They also do a lousy job with most of them by leaving out a lot of details. The fewer objects you have in the picture and with more contrast, the better it does.
Anyway, I would write more but I’m getting pretty tired. I’m going to watch my show, read a chapter in my book, and then crash.
WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 12, 2015 I forgot to say in my last entry that there was just a light layer of dead skin in the canal the doctor needed to remove and that was it. It’s felt much better since seeing her as there’s only so much I can do at home on my own without the proper tools and lighting.
The first thing she said when she entered the exam room was, “You look very pink today. Pink shirt, pink purse, pink toenails.”
“And my neon yellow fingernails go well with your outfit,” I told her. She looked skinnier this time around because she wasn’t wearing the white coat most doctors wear that makes them look bigger with its bagginess. She wore a long yellow/green skirt and a yellow top.
I usually have one or two of the lead characters in my books be based on someone I either know or have seen while most of the extras are fictitious. On the way out I commented to Tom on how much the doctor’s nurse resembled an imaginary character in my last book. He laughed and said, “How can someone look like an imaginary person?”
LOL.
So we get on the elevator to head down from the third floor when all kinds of people suddenly want to get on with us and box me in the back corner. I said, “Okay that’s enough. No more people. Close the door now.”
A couple of guys turned and looked down at me and laughed as if I were some cute kid.
After the 10 of us got off the elevator Tom and I went to Walmart to pick up our new glasses. We both like and don’t like our new progressives. My glasses themselves are gorgeous and I think they look better on me than my purple Candies. The only thing about them is that I am more aware of the crosswire between the lenses because they have to extend into the lenses themselves since they’re frameless. They don’t cause that “swimming” effect I got with a cheap pair I got through the mail years ago, but they’re not very good for the computer. As even Tom noticed, the writing appears to be curved and there’s only a little circle of print that is clear when you’re looking through the bottom part of the lenses. They’re borderline for my giant 30-inch monitor, but they’re not good at all for my MacBook Air screen. I’ll continue using my old ones for when I’m working on the computer, but the new ones are great for everything else. Love how they darken in the sunlight.
We can get new lenses every year and new frames every two years. Next year I’ll have them pop the lenses out of my Candies and replace them with the same non-progressive style that they’re currently in. They have little round bubbles on the bottoms and that’s what I look through when I’m seeing things close-up. No more designer frames, though. You can only put progressive lenses in them. There are still plenty of nice frames that aren’t as bold as my clunky Candies.
While we were at Walmart, I looked for some adult coloring books and didn’t find any. Sure found a nice battery-operated pencil sharpener and a whole lot of mediums in which to color, however. Colored pencils and gel pens in metallic, glitter and neon. It’s a relaxing thing to do when I can’t sleep but don’t have any energy for anything else. I printed some out and eventually, I’ll get the Secret Garden a friend recommended to me with my survey money. They’re only a few bucks. Think I’ll grab some chocolate incense while I’m at it.
On the way out of Walmart, they had a little collection of bamboo plants at the checkout in three or four different color vases with matching orchids. The little stem of orchids is fake, of course, but it gives the bamboo a splash of color. I got a dark pink vase with purple orchids.
We grabbed a bite to eat at Carl’s Jr. on the way home. I got chicken strips, which I couldn’t finish.
My purple dress arrived and it’s great except that I wish it were an inch or two shorter. I wanted to wear it with my purple sparkly shoes, but on flats, the back of it just brushes against the ground. Up on heels, even if they were not very high, it would be fine.
My 8th bronze figurine from the erotic series (not sure of its name) arrived, too.
As anyone who has ever been through a traumatic event knows, working through PTSD can take time. Two nights ago I finally got up the nerve to venture a couple of miles on my bike alone after what happened to me last year. Until now I have either been staying close to home or not venturing far unless Tom was with me. I’m still not going to go out after dark anymore by myself since the last thing I want to do is have a spill when no one’s around. I realize I was taking a chance in doing so before. All I have to do is miss a speed bump or hit a possum or a skunk to throw me. Getting a flat going down the hill wouldn’t be fun either. If something were going to happen to me, I’d rather it be when people are around.
Anyway, the first time out I felt slightly nervous when I realized I had gone over a mile away from home, so I cut it a bit short, and my worst problem that night was almost colliding with another biker. LOL
Yesterday I rode over 2 miles with no problem. Just a turkey that teased me by making it look like he was going to jump out in front of me only to change his mind at the last second, then someone’s mutt let me have it later on as I went by.
I mentioned to Andy that I had an ENT appointment, and what did he say about it when I got back home? Nothing, Absolutely nothing. Never asked me how it went or anything.
I told him he might want to check out my entry about the prosthetic ear and he totally ignored me. That is just so typical of Andy.
TUESDAY, AUGUST 11, 2015 I have sooo much to write about. Might do multiple entries tonight. I guess I will begin with today’s visit to my ENT doctor and the surprising thing I learned from her about prostatic ears. As anyone who’s followed me long enough knows, I was born with my left ear deformed and the canal was fused shut. As a 10-year-old in 1975 in Boston, they built an outer ear via plastic surgery but it never looked realistic. When I was 29, the frame poked through the skin. They dismantled the frame and drilled an ear canal and I even got a little hearing on that side. A decade later it became a problem because the surgery caused excessive scarring and nerve damage, but the surgery was necessary to make sure I had no tumors.
Quick fact: My parents should’ve left me the hell alone to be the way I was meant to be, but today I am living with the consequences of my mother’s quest for the perfect-looking daughter, which means occasional aches, pains, and regular trips to the ENT doc since it can’t shed dead skin on its own. I don’t know, maybe part of them really did think they were doing me a favor in the long run, but I think it was more that they were obsessed with appearances. They were just like that.
The older I have gotten, the more of an I-don’t-give-a-shit attitude I have adopted, partly thanks to people like them and the ordeal I went through as a ward of the state in my late teens. When I was young I felt like I was forced to be as pretty as I could, and like I’ve always said, it’s okay to wear a dress you think is pretty or style your hair the way you think looks best because YOU want to, etc. But you know what? I’m not a showpiece. I’m just Jodi. In other words, I’m fat and I don’t give a damn. I’d give a damn if I was severely obese, yes, but not because of how others would see me. Meanwhile, just because most of the world would freak out over 25 extra pounds doesn’t mean I have to as well, and I don’t. I try to eat well and exercise most days and let fate do the rest, hypothyroidism or not.
My point? After going through so much hell in life physically, it has taught me the value of health and feeling above looks and appearance and how much more important it is that we’re healthy and that we feel good. So no, I also don’t give a damn who may look at my ear, which really only consists of a misshaped lobe these days, and says, “Ew, gross!”
You don’t like it, don’t look. Simple as that. :)
Despite the fact that I have become less appearance-conscious with age and have been through enough medically, I couldn’t help but be intrigued and curious about the prosthetic ear she says they could make for me. She said the person she would need to talk to was on vacation at the moment, but that she’s going to get information for me. Since I’ve been through so much medically and since I’m older, I probably won’t go through with it. I’m sure I would be a lot more interested if I was still in my 20s, but we’ll see. Still doesn’t hurt to find out all I can about it.
My first question and biggest concern was what problems may it cause me a decade or so later. Not all procedures are a problem right away if they’re going to be a problem. She said, however, that couldn’t be a problem. I might not even need “surgery” to do it. I guess because they would be working on the outside and not the inside like when they made the canal. She said they would basically get rid of what’s left of it, make an exact replica of my good ear, and then I guess it attaches with skin glue or something like that. Can’t deny that the idea of a detachable ear seems a bit strange to me, but it would be pretty neat to look in the mirror and see two normal ears and to be able to wear earrings again. I haven’t been able to wear earrings because of the way the lobe on the bad ear has kind of curled upward over the years. Again, I probably won’t do it, but if I do it I will do it for me and me only. That is the one area in life I promise to be forever selfish in is when it comes to my appearance or anything about my body. I can’t say no to Hashimoto’s and just throw my thyroid in the trash and be done with it, but I am certainly going to take advantage of what I do have control over. So once I get the information, I will decide if it’s worth the time and money this late in life.
MONDAY, AUGUST 10, 2015 Not much to say today other than that some Muzzy tried to create a Twitter account using my email address. How the hell did they get the address in the first place? Either way, when I got the email confirming the account, I chose “not my account.” Twitter says they will remove it. Meanwhile, Nice try, asshole!
Aly said the name they used in Arabic means “fear God.” Aly knows Arabic, so I believe her. Also, the fuckers are obsessed with their imaginary Gods and other fictitious fantasies, so it only fits. But what she found weird was the fact that they don’t usually use the word God. Good point. They prefer to call their imaginary friend Allah.
My dying hormones and dead thyroid have finally kicked off my 10-day late period.
All I remember for dreams was having an endo appointment and oversleeping. I jumped out of bed just 15 minutes before my appointment.
Tom said something about her being young enough not to negotiate times, and I pointed out that she wasn’t that young.
Then a bunch of archaeologists was digging up bodies buried centuries ago. A woman told me that those who were just thrown into their graves with nothing would be long gone and no traces would remain of them, while those that had “protective coverings” would still be intact.
SUNDAY, AUGUST 9, 2015 Gonna have to stop the Atkins diet or at least severely tweak it by adding some carbs due to my stomach being horribly bloated and gassy. It’s been terrible. No amount of weight loss is worth feeling this yucky. I swear every time I start a new diet I have a problem. I’m either too hungry to stand it or in this case, I’m a gasaholic. Fuck diets. There are plenty of ways to still eat healthy most of the time without dieting or going to any kind of extremes.
Not sure why I woke up a little congested this morning, but I am otherwise fine as long as this gas would just hurry up and back off. Tom said it may take a few days and that makes sense. He suggested I start having yogurts again because they’ve got stuff in them that’s really good for the digestive tract.
The diet was working, though, as is usually the case when you expend more calories than you consume. Only thing was that the Atkins diet left me less hungry so I could stand the calorie cuts. I doubt I would have lost much more than a few pounds because like it or not, low-cal or not, I still have I dead thyroid. For now, let’s just stay fat and not fart. ;)
An online friend mentioned adult coloring books, and I thought, oh hey, that would be a good idea. So since we’re getting a new toner cartridge for a laser printer anyway, I printed out a bunch of adult coloring pages containing a variety of things… fashion, flowers, animals, abstracts and patterns. I practically got a whole book’s worth.
Earlier I grabbed a 12-pack of colored twistable pencils from the grocery store. I’ll get a bigger variety from Walmart some other time. There’s no real purpose in this other than that I find it a bit relaxing. I mean I’m not going to send them to anyone and I’m not going to tape them on the walls or refrigerator. LOL
No noise from Bob today that I know of, but it wouldn’t surprise me in the least if I heard that damn saw next week. I’ve never known him to finish a project in just one shot. I just wish people would give me the same consideration I give them. I shouldn’t have to hear what’s going on with others. I don’t make them listen to me. The only time anyone around here would hear from us would be when we’re trimming or blowing.
I had a dream that I was at this strange little lodge. I actually stopped there because I was waiting for someone to pick me up in front. A male guest went into a room and closed the door behind him. Then a female manager or owner said something like, “Good, now stay locked in there until I can find out if there’s anything wrong with you.”
Then I looked up at a little screen on the wall and knew that if a green dot appeared that would mean the guy had never been a problem there before. A red dot appeared, however, and a speech reader read complaints about the person insisting they were hungry the last time they were there.
Not wanting to get caught up in any possible trauma, I decided to wait for my ride outside.
Later…
I’ve been a naughty girl again. I always look for ways to see things people don’t want me to see without breaking any laws. Well, since Maliheh blocked my account I had to go into Tom’s, but I found that if I type the words “photos of” and then the person’s name, I can often see photos of them that aren’t public.
Figuring that Maliheh probably doesn’t know about this trick, I couldn’t resist emailing her the pics and asking her why she sent them to me on other sites, LOL. Of course I never got a reply.
I decided that if I ever again decide to contact the bitch down in Arizona, I’m not going to go directly to her and it’s going to be a long time from now. Like another five years or so. Let her think she’s never going to hear from me again, then remind her of my existence. As I learned a long time ago, sometimes we have to do what we feel is right in our heart and not worry so much about breaking laws (within reason) or appearing childish because if we don’t and we keep that anger or feelings about a particular thing bottled up, it can really cause us to explode or at least eat at us at times. Although I will always hate her guts along with those that had a hand in screwing me, and I will never forgive her, I’m not as angry as I was in the past.
Still, I wouldn’t mind pointing out all the little bloopers her little friend made in their email to me pretending to be a cop. And if that really was a cop by some chance, and if I send a letter to someone on her friend list that she appears to be in touch with regularly and that’s an adult, what are they going to do, make a case against me for “attempted” contact or something? They can’t charge me for what I didn’t say to her.
I’m still really surprised there was never any default warrant out for my arrest. I thought they would have gone to court and then put a Failure to Appear warrant out on me just like they did in the year 2000.
In much better news, Tom and I were looking online at various cruise lines and their destinations and prices. The cruise that appealed to me the most is a 7-day cruise to Jamaica, Haiti, Mexico and the Cayman Islands. My only concern would be my schedule. It would be damn expensive too, but we could probably swing it. Nothing’s etched in stone yet but to think that I will be seeing family after more than 20 years, and flying, and cruising and going to more countries is pretty damn exciting. Going back to places I love like Maui is one thing, but I also like to add a new country to my list, too. Tom will just have to get a new passport since he stupidly lost his up in Oregon, LOL, unless someone stole it.
SATURDAY, AUGUST 8, 2015 Where I was super excited last night, I am pretty damn annoyed right now. Fucking Bob is sawing again. I appreciate that he hasn’t done this since last fall but these houses are TOO DAMN CLOSE for this shit! Why can't people just have some basic common sense and common courtesy? How many months will this project go on? With all the distractions going on during the weekdays, I like to enjoy my weekends, so I really hate it when I am denied that chance. Motorcycles and other loud vehicles have been tearing through here and it seems I can only get real peace at night.
He did say he would let me know when he’d be doing “a lot” of sawing, so hopefully, this is just a one-time thing, but I doubt it. This cock’s in his 80’s for fuck’s sake, though! When’s he going to slow down? We have been nothing but quiet, considerate neighbors to them. Why can’t I get the same respect in return?
I have thought about complaining to the office (since he already knows how I feel about it), but since adult communities have abandoned all rules against loud sounds, they’re just going to tell me he has a right to do what he wants during the daytime hours, same as if we were in the mainstream. It’s either deal with it or beat his fucking head in with the damn instruments of torture.
When that house goes up for sale, I would literally pay the realtor to not allow anyone in there with loud power tools, motorcycles or mutts.
From now on, even though it’s a bit of a pain in the ass, I’m going to have to either work in the bedroom or laundry room during the daytime or blast the shit out of the sound machine.
The first thing I'm excited about is the huge 1000-dollar Amazon shopping spree we just did to load up on both fun stuff and necessities for what will probably be the final time this year so we can focus on the next phase of the home improvements.
Tom got a Mac Mini since the big iMac I won him 7 years ago is starting to have problems, plus some other things. I got a cute fabric sticker of a white rat, a new toe ring (this time size 4mm), a purple dress, and a couple of collectibles.
The dress will go great with my purple sparkly shoes. The nude bronze erotic figurine will be my 8th one in that series, and the Asian doll is one of the most incredibly sexy and realistic dolls I ever saw. She's very expensive for just a foot, but she's supposed to be as flexible as a person and made of silicone with a metal skeleton. She has a gorgeous face, too.
The second thing I’m excited about is that I finally came up with a good app idea. Since my gift is with words and not numbers, Tom’s going to do the coding end of it while I do the testing end. It’s a home organization idea that I got. I get tired of not being able to find things, and it would be nice to be able to look something up on the app and have it tell me that the flashlight is in the bottom kitchen drawer, for example. Similar apps may exist, but so what?
The third exciting thing is that we might be dropping down into the Caribbean after visiting my sister! Nothing’s etched in stone yet and I’m not making this part of today’s entry public, but we were thinking we might go to the island we didn’t quite make it to when the storm prevented the ship we were on 8 years ago from docking. That would be the Turks & Caicos.
I had a dream last night that we were swimming in a very warm ocean with mild waves and blue waters that suggested it could be in the Caribbean area. Sarah was also in a dream as well, so hopefully these are signs that we really will see my family and go to the Caribbean within a matter of months. Sarah was brushing her hair in the dream and I marveled at how tall she was. She said that it was “healthier” to be tall, LOL.
FRIDAY, AUGUST 7, 2015 Decided to use a question I got as a writing prompt. The question was, “Do you believe the Lord will set you on the proper path?”
Well, I don’t know that there is a Lord, but I would definitely prefer to choose my own path in life. I know there are some people who say they have given their lives to the Lord when times get tough. Even if there was a Lord, to me that is like throwing your hands up and saying, “Fuck it. You handle it.”
With all the shit I see going on in the world, and knowing how it’s human nature to want to believe in magic, fairytales and fantasies… chances are any kind of a Lord or God is just a fantasy, so if my theory is correct, then what you are doing is giving up. If we don’t take the initiative to do everything we can to solve our problems, then who will? People can help us. People can encourage us. But in the end, it is up to us to take control of our lives, even though circumstances beyond our control do sometimes arise.
Anyway, I haven't even been up two hours and already I had to hear landscaping and motorcycles roaring through the place. Gimme a break!
On the bright side, I love that I can ask Amazon Echo's Alexa as many times as I want how much time is left till I can have my coffee (meds must be taken on an empty stomach), and she'll never tell me to stop asking so damn much.
My sister is moving into her new house today and I can feel her excitement as I remember exactly what it was like two years ago, even if the park turned out to be noisier than I expected. Adult communities just aren’t what they used to be. We can make all the noise we want as long as it’s in the daytime. On our way out to the grocery store yesterday, we learned what Monday’s racket was all about when they were digging just up the hill at the edge of the park. They put a bench there. For what? So people can sit and stare at the street?
I feel as bad for Andy as I do happy for my sister. They moved his mother to a rehab center and she’s anything but comfortable. Sounds like they’re not very competent there. He’s stressed out and feels really bad for her, understandably. This is the kind of stuff that really scares the shit out of me and gets me wondering… who are we going to have when we get old and start having similar problems? As I’ve said before, we don’t regret not having kids. Life is challenging, hectic, noisy and expensive enough without them. But because we didn’t, we will be going it alone when our time comes and that’s a little scary because once we get to the point where we’re helpless and can’t make our own decisions, our lives will be in the hands of strangers that don’t personally know or care for us in the least, and are simply there for the money.
All my PMS symptoms have magically disappeared, but I never did get a period a week ago like I was supposed to. I also gained back 1 of the 3 pounds I lost, but that’s just life with Hashimoto’s. We lose a few pounds and then re-regain it, even if we keep on eating right and exercising.
THURSDAY, AUGUST 6, 2015 Got caught up on my sleep last night and today I feel well-rested. I ended up sleeping about nine hours. I was amazed to see that I had dropped another half a pound considering that I went to bed a little higher than I have been. Can this really all be fat loss? Even though my period hasn’t come yet I have lost some water and I suspect that some of it is water loss. Nobody loses weight this fast unless they are sick or starving. My guess is that I will not lose more than maybe two more pounds, but time will tell.
What’s with all the German in my dreams lately? I don’t know if the airport I was at was in Germany or not, but there seemed to be German writing all around me. A woman then stepped up to me, held out a piece of paper and said, “Translate this to German.” I did, though I don’t know what it was, and then she said, “Gut.” I thought she was about to walk away then, but then she said, “Kommt,” and I followed her somewhere.
Then I was told by someone that the police raided my music library on my laptop while I was out and took 37 songs, claiming that I stole them. Some girl asked, “What are you going to do? Pay for them?”
“No,” I said as lawsuits and money went through my mind. “They were never stolen. Instead, I’m going to make the cops sorry they messed with me.”
A few seconds later someone was fitting me with an ankle bracelet with a GPS tracker, which I refused to wear. They said, “But everybody’s required to wear these now in case they get lost or kidnapped.”
Then I started to wonder if I was on probation again or something, and went to call Scot to find out. Realizing it was too late in the day to reach anyone, I hung up and said, “Fuck it. I didn’t do anything wrong and therefore I’m not going to play the probation game, report to anyone, pay fees, etc.”
Then I was sitting at the built-in desk in our laundry room talking on the phone to a woman who was really into me. I didn’t like her much because she was pushy, jealous and paranoid. It was late at night and Tom was asleep. I glanced to the left and realized the bedroom door was open. Not wanting to disturb him, I told her to hang on a moment and went to close the door. Only instead of crossing through a small bathroom to reach the door, I was in a large carpeted area. There was a door next to the bedroom, too. When I returned to the phone, I found the woman had hung up on me, not liking that I put her on hold.
Later…
Before blocking Kathy once again, I checked her wall and noticed a bunch of comments from Kim that I missed before. She was bashing me and accusing Aly and me of talking about her behind her back. Yeah, that’s paranoid Kim for you. She and her false accusations!
While Aly isn’t ready to dump Kim, she and I agree that we’re not going to get caught up in the drama all over again. We re-blocked Kathy and that’s the way it stays. Kind of surprised she hasn’t contacted me on Ask since she has taken the time to check my blog. Thank God for that brat of hers hogging most of her time!
Got to admit I was a little surprised at how Kim was able to remember all the states I’ve lived in when she listed them off, but she still thinks I’m in Auburn.
In response to my message on the portal about notifications, Hot Doc had my account shut down there. I thought she might do this. Unfortunately, there was never any way to disable notifications or deactivate on our own.
As I said before, I can’t help but laugh at the thought of knowing that she probably did get my messages after all. At least the ones that went to her inbox. I noticed that after a few messages, they started going to her inbox instead of her “other” box. So she would have gotten the first few chapters of the book I sent her, and if she read them, then she’s probably sorry that they suddenly stopped. I myself would be frustrated and want to know how the story ended. LMAO! I just hope she hasn’t said anything to my current doctors. That’s an embarrassing thought, LOL. Maybe I’ll wish her a happy birthday next February.
WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 5, 2015 Saw pictures of my sister’s new house and it’s absolutely gorgeous. It looks huge, too. Hard to believe I might be there in a few months, but we’ll see.
Lost 3 pounds in 8 days much to my surprise, but still don’t know that I will lose much more. It’s common to lose a little weight during the first week of a diet, but I started this diet to be healthier and to feel more energetic, so that is still my main objective. If I do continue to see this scale drop, I will then sit down and make a list of the pros and cons as to why I should or should not continue losing weight, and yes, there are a few cons. I would have to get new clothes, my wedding ring wouldn’t fit, and the smaller I get the more I open myself up as a potential target for trouble.
On the flip side, I would be even healthier if I did lose about 25 pounds, my clothes would fit better as they usually do when we’re thinner, and I would have an even wider range of flexibility.
Yes, I know I would also look better, but looking better for society is not my goal in life. As a single 20-year-old it might have been but not now. There is nothing wrong with wearing a dress we like or styling our hair a certain way that we like, but I hate those who tweak their appearance for the sake of impressing others. If the person doesn’t like you for you, then the person isn’t worth it to begin with. Really, I hate that shit after the way my mother taunted me about my looks for so long whether I was fat or thin. It’s like she never truly loved me. Instead, I was little more than just a “cute” showpiece to her. Well, that is when I wasn’t being a huge enough burden to her for her to ship me off somewhere. Nonetheless, you get my point… If you don’t like how I look, then don’t look at me.
The first several hours of my day started off really tired thanks to the guy that chased me awake in my nightmares at four in the morning. The dream took place in what was either a high school or a college. I was in one of the rooms talking to my dad. He asked me a question and I answered in German before I left the building.
I then realized I was in nothing but a bra and panties. Deciding it was okay, I walked around the field where I spotted a group of young people in their late teens or early 20s. A girl was beating the shit out of some guy. The guy was down on the ground and she was kicking and punching him viciously. About half a dozen other girls and guys looked on as she continued to pummel him.
My purse magically appeared hanging from my shoulder and I considered pulling my smartphone out and calling the cops, not that they’re necessarily any less brutal. One of the guys noticed that I was watching the attack as I passed by and reentered the building from a different side. I tried to act nonchalant and like I just didn’t care what was going on, but as soon as I was out of view I broke into a run. Because I can run fast I got quite a ways down the corridor by the time I glanced back. My eyes hadn’t adjusted to the indoor lighting, but I could just about make out the silhouette of a guy rounding the corner and heading toward me. Not sure I could get safely locked inside a room or that I had the time or the chance to call for help, I decided to fight the guy if he tried to harm me, knowing I would probably win with all the working out I do. I can’t say what happened for sure, though, because I woke up at that time.
TUESDAY, AUGUST 4, 2015 There goes Bob for his and Virginia’s first of many runs. Still can’t figure out where a couple of retirees would need to go three times a day. Their habits haven’t changed in the two years we’ve been here except that Bob has been quieter since he’s laid off the saws and hammers much to my appreciation. He still walks early in the mornings with Jim.
Anyway, while I still don’t want to get my hopes up and I’m still not ready to believe anything major could change since it’s been so long, I did lose 2 pounds so far on the Atkins diet. I just had to add a few more carbs so I’m not as gassy. Again, it’s too soon to judge anything, but I will say that it’s weird that my weight has been going down while I have been gaining water as I get closer to my period. This is a definite first. Women usually go up at that time, not down. As always, though, if I lose, fine. If I don’t, that’s fine, too. Both have their pros and cons.
Andy said he doesn’t expect to see Charlotte when she visits Judy. Last I heard Charlotte doesn’t even know who she is most of the time and her memories of Judy are from the 70s. Judy has to have surgery but is otherwise doing well. They celebrated her 88th birthday at the hospital last night.
I didn’t know my cousin knew her, but as I recently said, it seems that everybody is somehow connected to everybody else, past and current. Somewhere along the way, there is always at least one person we’re currently connected to who is connected to someone we haven’t been in touch with for years.
Last night I dreamed I was signing to a deaf black woman. She was thrilled to have somebody to sign with, wherever we were.
Then I had some dream about placing a collector’s doll I really liked on some chair somewhere while Tom and I were led into some room to either talk to someone or see something. It was then that it hit me that somebody probably stole the doll by now because it was a nice doll and there were a lot of people around. Some woman agreed that it would be long gone by now. When we went back out to the area in which I left the doll, sure enough, it was gone. I felt a little bummed out.
Later…
Okay, now on with Tom’s insulting raise. They raised him 98¢. I’m tired of seeing this man not get paid fairly. I totally believe, though, that no matter where he goes he’s not going to be paid what he’s worth. He even told them that he felt this was insulting. He’s now at $16.50 an hour, and he would’ve been more satisfied with something over $17. This is 2015, for fuck’s sake, and this is California, one of the most expensive states. To have gone from an income fit for the year 2001 to the year 2003 is better than nothing, but we both agree he deserves a lot better.
Anything’s better than being on unemployment and living in a dumpy old trailer, but it would be nice if society could let my husband “get with the times,” so to speak. So many people make 50K these days, but I guess being older and whiter doesn’t help. Just get tired of being the underdogs of our families.
There’s something not quite right, for example, about the fact that Alison just got a 2015 Beetle at 34 years of age and is unemployed while living with her parents. Meanwhile, my hard-working husband who is more than 20 years older drives a 2003 vehicle, as much as we do love it. Technically, we could get something brand-new right now but we choose to put our money into other things. But then there’s also the fact that my sister gets to live in a 9-year-old house that didn’t cost much more than this place and that has a much lower monthly payment, while we live in a 32-year-old place that’s rather expensive. It’s little things like that that bugs me at times.
Couldn’t resist the urge to play with Kathy yesterday. Dumb shit actually believed me when I tried to tell her that I didn’t know her or any of the people she mentioned.
In case I didn’t already mention it, I left a less-than-kind message on the family extermination business page. Strangely enough, it was ignored just like my messages to June, Lori and Lisa seem to be. So once again I’m wondering, is it a case of something out there not letting my words get through? Or did they really see them and choose to leave it there and not block me for some reason?
I’m back to being unsure as to whether or not my old doctor ever got her own messages from me. It’s like some people seem to get them and others don’t, so at this point I guess I would have to assume they did get the messages and figure that by blocking me they’re giving me a form of reaction they don’t want to give me. Why wouldn’t the doctor at least have the decency to either reply with a simple hello or let me know she doesn’t want to communicate with me, though? The fact that Braman never deleted my message may be because they’re leaving it as “evidence” and hoping I’ll leave more that they could use against me, knowing I’ve already been in trouble with the law, but I’m done with them. I also deleted the message I left on their wall now that it’s been seen (supposedly).
I asked Andy if anyone’s complained lately about messages not going through and he said no. It does seem to be a while since that was a regular problem. When I first messaged the doc, my message was sent to her “other” folder but then they started going directly to her inbox. If this is the case, then she was able to see and read the few chapters of the story I threw her in, figuring it wasn’t going through or was going to her “other” folder and would remain unseen for who knew how long, LOL. She must have been secretly dying for the rest of the story! LMAO! I just hope she didn’t tell my current doctors she got unwanted messages from me if that’s truly the case, but I am done with her as well. Using My Health’s notices was my last-ditch effort to get her to contact me. She never did. Time to move on.
I have a new regular coming into the blog in which its link is shared on my profile page there, but I can’t get a location on it. It seems to be a mobile device of some kind. I would suspect Lori, Lisa or June, only it’s a direct hit and not a Facebook referral.
Actually, I just got a view from Winters, Texas near Brownwood which is where Cathy lives, and my Google stats are saying that it was a Facebook referral. My other visitor that I can’t trace might have Googled in but I can’t say for sure. My guess is that Winters was Kathy. She spent nearly a half-hour combing my blog.
As usual, there has been an annoyance on both days this week so far. Yesterday they were digging something up at the park's edge, and today was landscaping as well as a loud healthcare truck that was idling for a while.
MONDAY, AUGUST 3, 2015 Sure enough, no reply and no email from my ex-doctor, which means she probably did get my Facebook messages, friend request, and share notification.
The Atkins diet is still making me too gassy, so I’m going to modify it a bit. I am confident that I’m not going to lose any more weight anyway. With Hashimoto’s, we usually have a certain threshold that our bodies simply won’t cross no matter what we do, but I am still more focused on how I feel and not what the numbers on the scale say. Next weekend I’m going to gather all the clothes I’m too big for and donate them to Goodwill.
I had a dream I went to see my endo doc and she had me spell words that don’t even exist.
Beginning the editing of my book today. No fun. :(
SUNDAY, AUGUST 2, 2015 “Ready to ride?”
“Yes,” I told Tom, “before the walkers, joggers and mutt walkers get out and start blocking the roads. I don’t know why they won’t get out of the way when they see me coming.”
Tom laughs and says, “You’re the one who’s supposed to go around them.”
“Uh-uh. I’m queen of these roads.”
“You’re not old enough to be here,” he jokes, referring to those who think I’m some kind of caretaker. “You gotta respect your elders.”
LOL!
No one was out, but it sure was windy at times. I still can’t believe, despite the annoying landscaping sounds, what a beautiful park we live in as well as how much is now in our 401K, after we were so poor for so long. It has a way of making one feel rich. Even the glasses I’m getting look “rich.”
So yeah, I will discuss our eye exams now. Our new Walmart eye doc, Kristy G, is a very nice young American lady of Asian descent (I think). While she was finishing up with what was probably her first patient of the day, her assistant did the preliminary testing, including that dreaded air puffer.
The doctor took us both in and I sat in a chair while she examined Tom first, who has a cataract growing in one eye. Where he’s squeamish about dentists, unlike me, he’s brave when it comes to eyes, so if he ever needed surgery, he wouldn’t be afraid. Me… I’d be scared shitless.
Then she dilated his eyes with drops and we swapped seats. She told me my nerves looked healthy and didn’t say much through the exam other than to look up, down, left, right, etc. Then… “I do notice a small eye nevus in the left eye,” and I’m thinking, please don’t tell me I’m going to find out I have something worse than OH. But it’s just a benign mole like we sometimes have on our skin. Tom vaguely remembers our old doc in Auburn referring to it as a freckle.
After she dilated my eyes (I hate that) I casually asked if I had ocular hypertension and she said, “Actually, you are borderline.”
Whew! So glad it’s not up and that she too, didn’t refer me to a specialist. I wasn’t surprised. I would’ve had bad dreams the night before and then I’d have been jumping with bad vibes. The fact that she didn’t want to do all those tests that Hanson did or refer me to a specialist tells me it’s probably down from the last time I was examined a couple of years ago. She’ll still want to monitor the nevus. She wants to see me regularly because ocular hypertension can lead to glaucoma.
My long-distance vision has changed more than my close-up vision and has actually improved, much to my surprise. My left eye is slightly better, too. I guess in 20 years I may not need glasses to see distance. That would be great, though I’d rather not need them for reading and using the computer.
I’ve wanted frameless glasses so my glasses are less obvious and not the first thing you see when you look at me, so I decided to just go all out and get a pair of gorgeous designer frames with mauve metal and some shiny gems on the sides. Will take pictures when I get them, along with my old very bold, and heavy-framed purple Candies I’m wearing now for comparison. I’d still prefer perfect vision and not need glasses, but these are definitely going to be the nicest-looking pair I’ve had so far.
Both our glasses cost over $500, but mine is most of the cost, of course, LOL. I got transitioning HI non-glare progressive lenses. I hated the cheap mail-order progressives I once got, but the lady who took care of our frame-picking said she has those and loves them. She said it might take me a month to get used to them and to not feel like the room is “moving,” but that I should get used to them. At over $300, I better get used to them! I wanted to get the rounded bifocals my Candies have, but because the HI plastic is so thin, it would shatter them.
Two people complimented my rainbow dress, including a girl of about 10. I may usually act my age, but I never dress it, LOL, and you know you’re not dressing your age when even the kids compliment you.
I don’t remember much in the way of last night’s dreams. Something about buying a bright yellow snake and running into Simone and wishing I could take her home. I miss that little shit at times, as wild as she was.
Oh wow, Andy just told me Shelley’s bringing Charlotte to visit Judy in the hospital. I was surprised because I had no idea they were friends again, and I also didn’t know Charlotte was in any condition to be visiting people. Last I knew she had the beginning of Alzheimer’s and was in a nursing home where I thought she’d spend the rest of her life.
I loved Charlotte, and I told Andy she could tell her this, too. She was one of the few friends of my mother’s that weren’t phony and that treated me with respect. To the best of my knowledge, she wasn’t kind to my face one minute, then badmouthing me behind my back the next. I would love to hear from her, but when I never got a reply to the letter I sent a few years ago or online, I figured she just wasn’t up to communicating and left it at that.
So why am I still getting messages from My Health? This time it was to tell me I was due for my TSH test. So I took this as an opportunity to contact my lovely ex-doc and tell her that I’m with Mercy now, so I don’t know why I’m still getting reminders and all that. Also, could she please email me when she can? Nothing’s wrong and it’s not urgent, I told her. Just some information I didn’t want to disclose there. I would still love to know if she ever got my Facebook messages and friend request, but my guess is I’ll never hear from her. At least not by email.
SATURDAY, AUGUST 1, 2015 Met another neighbor yesterday when I went out to get the trash bin. Her name is Roxanne. She was delivering the monthly Crier. She lives on the other side of the circle and she said she’s seen me out biking. She said she and her husband miss biking but now that they’re in their 80s, they’re not as steady. She looked good for being in her 80s.
I had a dream that our disposal stopped working and then I looked down at the floor and noticed a pool of water by the refrigerator.
Tom was still in touch with his family and he came home from working for them all day on their own broken issues. We were upset that they didn’t pay him for his work as they normally would, even if they didn’t always pay him fairly.
I pointed out the garbage disposal and the water leak and he started laughing.
I didn’t read the details, as usual, but I saw a headline about Norway’s pigs only shooting 1 person since 2006. Well, that’s no surprise when the pigs A, don’t carry guns. B, they could fit their country into ours a million times over. C, they have hardly any blacks.
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