#guess mom will be happy when im gone next month

[teabutmakeitazure]

told my mom I don't feel like her daughter or blood because of the way she treats my cousin and she told me I'm being ridiculous and petty

[schrodingers-bisexual]

So I watched the Hazbin Hotel show and I have some thoughts…

So here are my live written thoughts/critiques of the first for eps

And before you get your pitchforks these criticisms have no malice behind them these are just my honest opinions (some good, some bad)

(Long post incoming)

Ep 1:

Plot-

* Interesting opening

* I enjoyed the reimagining of the Adam and Eve story

* they set up Charlie’s mom being MIA at the moment so that’s cool ig

* the b plot is boring, like idc about them making a commercial

* Charlie is so earnest it’s very endearing

* the angels are moving up the next extermination by 6 months which creates a sense of urgency that I enjoy (the deadline they have to meet gives me something to root for)

* Adam kinda dismissed Charlie’s hotel idea so I’m wondering if she’ll find a way to change his mind or if she’ll just do it behind his back, I’m thinking it’ll be the latter

* ohhhhh one of the demons managed to kill an angel so that’s why they moved extermination up

* I wonder when they’ll reveal who killed the angel or if they’ll even reveal it all, I’m thinking like mid-season finale type of reveal, or maybe they’ll just never say

Characters-

* Charlie is a very charming mc

* vaggie is fine ig (she doesn’t really do much)

* Alastor is just kinda there (they set up his beef with tv/modern stuff which was good)

* angeldust is annoying me ever so slightly but ig i see what they’re trying to do

* husk is my favorite so far (he’s had some pretty good one liners)

* nifty is also pretty great

* Adam is also annoying (i hate that they have him swear like a sailor when he’s supposed to be the head angel)

* i can already tell im not gonna like the characterization of the angels

* i liked Lute at first but she kinda falls into the same problems i have with Adam just a tad

Jokes-

* A lot of unfunny sex jokes from angeldust

* when nifty said something really weird husk said “Keep that to yourself, Niff.” And it got a good chuckle out of me

* a lot of unfunny dick jokes from Adam

* there was a silly gag with nifty that I enjoyed (every time they would try to get her to say her line she would stare blankly into the camera and then be “was that good?” in a cheery voice I thought it was silly

* Husk had some pretty good one-liners

* most of the jokes didn’t land for me tho

Songs-

* Happy day in hell- Erika’s voice is really good (to be expected from a broadway star), strange bridge with overlapping verses that didn’t flow well against each other and sounded kinda disconcerting (which is a shame cause overlapping verses are usually my favorite), the camera movements are giving me a headache, 5/10

* Hell is forever- I actually kinda liked that, Alex Brightman is a silly guy w/ a great singing voice, lyricism is pretty good, I enjoyed the rock-esc vibe, pretty catchy, 6/10

Overall-

It wasn’t as bad as I feared it would be but it wasn’t as good as I wanted it to be, so far I’m pretty neutral on it, the potential is definitely there but it leaves a few things to be desired, 5/10

Ep 2:

Plot-

* Hell is freaking out abt the news rightfully so I’d gather

* this seems to be a good thing cause maybe they’ll be open to the hotel idea

* it’s implied that angeldust isn’t open abt the extent of his sex work like they know he’s a porn star but that’s abt it so I’m guessing they don’t know abt his SA yet

* Val is showing some textbook manipulation signs so A for effort on that front

* the vees make for intriguing foils to the MCs

* why is Vox like obsessed with Alastor what’s the beef there

* okay so I guess there was a fight of some kind (Alastor almost beat Vox but didn’t succeed it seems like)

* revealed that Alastor has been gone for 7 years so there’s that

* okayyyy so the true beef is that Vox asked Alastor to join his team but Al said no

* Alastor is the big dog even after his absence

* vees send a spy, spy is implied to be egg guy but I think that’s a misdirect, either that or he’ll end up caring abt the MCs later (great angst material when it’s revealed he’s the spy)

* ep starts to drag a bit after we get back to the hotel

* more manipulation from Val via voicemail (is he bipolar?)

* never mind egg guy is just a regular spy and it got revealed to the MCs instantly (missed opportunity)

* THE GIRLS ARE FIGHTING

* istg if they blame angel for this without asking questions

* damn egg guy folded really quick, like that took nothing at all, and ofc Charlie is instantly forgiving

* so looks like egg guy is apart of the main cast now which I’m not mad at, I just wished they’d done something more with that spy plot point, like that was pointless

Characters-

* Egg guy (sir pentious) makes an appearance and he’s great

* Vox is a business mogul???

* i like Vox so far

* BRITISH?! (Velvet lol)

* the Vees are interesting

* Valentino is annoying

* I’m really enjoying the electricity motif they’re doing with Vox’s movements and voice

* I like whenever Vox glitches/buffers I think that’s a really cool animation thing

* I need Val to stop talking

* so far I’m enjoying the dynamic between the vees

* I wish they gave velvet a little more to do cause she seems like she has potential (makes you wonder if she’s sidelined because she’s the only woman amongst the vees/it’s not out of the ordinary for a vivziepop show to heavily sideline its female characters)

* angeldust is insecure after Charlie implied that he didn’t care abt the hotel which shows a little incite into his deeper character traits and reveals that he actually does care so another A for effort there

* I’m really enjoying the rivalry between Vox and Alastor

Jokes-

* “Since when do we manufacture that.” “Since thirty minutes ago.” That exchange got a smile out of me

* egg guy is really funny (not laugh out loud funny tho)

* more unfunny sex jokes from angeldust

* I chuckled when egg guy was like “you’ve left yourself an opening” and then all he ended up doing was ripping alastor’s jacket, that was silly

* I liked how during the it starts with sorry song Vaggie and Angeldust are like bro let’s kill this guy while Charlie is trying to forgive him

* were there any other jokes lmao

Songs-

* Stayed gone- Christian Borle can do no wrong, but this song kinda sucks lmao, I didn’t like that little talking with rhythm segment, like they probably wanted that part to be a rap (which would’ve been way worse), lyrics have clever word play, the beat is infectious I’ll give it that but it was kinda all over the place, 4/10

* It starts with sorry- painfully mediocre and instantly forgettable, like there’s nothing memorable or standout about this song, I’m forgetting the melody as I type this, 2/10

Overall-

It was fine, nothing too standout, the introduction of the vees was really good, I’m excited to learn more about them, but overall a pretty meh ep, 4/10

Ep 3:

Plot-

* Egg guy is adjusting about as well as you’d think (not well at all)

* he kinda reminds me of dr doofensmirtz with all his inventions

* I like that all of egg guy’s eggs are just running around

* this seems like it’s gearing up to be a boring ep

* I wish there was a little more urgency abt the six month extermination push (like I get they wanna focus more on characters rn but they could sprinkle it in a little)

* b plot is Alastor taking the eggs on a little field trip and then he runs into some guy (zestial)

* I’m guessing this was like an old friend from way back when and they’re in a part of town he used to frequent before his absence

* oh ok so this is like a demon overlord meeting (guess I wasn’t really paying attention if they said that’s where he was going)

* ok ok things are getting good

* velvet found the head of that dead angel, vees want to lead assault on heaven but zestial disagrees, he makes some good points abt the attack leading to more bad than good

* vees don’t respect council, council doesn’t like vees

* so its seeming like the vees wanna throw a wrench in the order of things and take over for themselves, that’ll probably be a main conflict later on, and I don’t think it’d be too hard for them to garner support considering all the followers/supporters of their multi-level business, I’m intrigued

* was implied that Carmilla might know more abt the decapitated angel than she’s letting on hmmm

* zestial and carmilla went off together

* secret love tryst???

* ok wait did i get which plot was the b plot wrong, or am i just more interested in alastor’s shenanigans

* like tbh whenever it cuts back to the hotel i could care less

* carmilla killed that angel but is keeping it a secret cause she knows it’ll cause war and not a lot of sinners would survive that which is admirable of her ig

* one of the eggs overhear carmilla’s secret and tells Alastor, some mischief is sure to be afoot

* the MCs are getting along better

Characters-

* Vaggie still remains kinda dull

* she’s really just there, like she acts as the “level-headed” one but doesn’t really have a personality beyond that

* that being said Vaggie and Charlie are really cute together

* Husk remains my favorite

* the eggs are silly

* Zestial is introduced (I like his design)

* so far I really like the one in charge of the demon overlord council (Carmilla)

* and I also really like zestial

* they both seem very redoubtable and deserving of respect, I enjoy that

* I knew velvet had the potential to be a compelling character, I just hope they keep her at a forefront (and I also hope she won’t get overlooked by the fandom),

* CARMILLA HAS A DAUGHTER???

* nifty is a character that I don’t know how to feel about

* finally some character development for vaggie

* SHE HAS TWO DAUGHTERS???

* Alastor is here for the chaos

* there was a nice bonding moment between vaggie and Charlie

Jokes-

* So many unfunny sex jokes from angledust

* get other jokes I’m begging you

* “oh look, frank is up there.” “We have names?” that got a smile out of me

* Alastor going “that was a productive meeting” after they literally got nothing done was silly

* husk has some good one liners

Songs-

* Respectless- oh wow, I really like this, bro how did they manage to get so many broadway singers to be in this show, it was short and sweet, didn’t overstay its welcome and I enjoyed its company, 8/10

* Whatever it takes- I really liked zestial’s voice its kinda heavenly, Carmilla also has a good voice, vaggie’s voice is also pretty, the vocals are really nice, the song itself is just okay tho, 5/10

Overall-

Better than the last ep, some interesting new characters, some development for characters I was afraid would get sidelined, I had a pretty good time, 5/10

Ep 4:

Plot-

* What is going on??? Why are they watching angeldust’s porn videos???

* oh I guess it’s show and tell day

* oop husk just dragged everyone through the mud

* more seeds of Val’s manipulation have been planted

* I think this ep is gonna be abt angeldust so I’ve gotta prepare myself for that

* okay so Charlie wants to get Angel some time off, Angel seems very terrified at the notion of Charlie meeting his boss (rightfully so)

* Charlie just fucking sets the whole porn studio on fire by accident which was really silly

* Val’s about to fuck some shit up

* oh shit he’s beating Angel up

* Angeldust’s real name is Anthony (which is also my brother’s name and that makes me a little uncomfy)

* that was an effective abuse scene very uncomfortable very impactful

* the visuals of the poison song are making me really uncomfortable which I guess is the point but idk

* okay so I’ve seen mixed opinions on how they feel abt the way the depictions of the SA in this ep were handled, and I get that they didn’t want to sugarcoat it or downplay the horrors of it but I also think that there were so many better ways they could’ve gone abt it, like you did not need to show on screen SA/rape like that was entirely unneeded, they could have alluded to it (like fading to black) and then show the emotional toll/repercussions of it and it would’ve had the same effect, if they wrote it well enough it may have even been more impactful, Moral Orel and Bojack horsemen did a good job at that, I just feel like it could have been handled better (also I hear that there’s a rape fetishizer on the crew who storyboarded this ep which is very icky)

* angeldust is having a mental breakdown

* angel ran away after getting into an argument with husk and husk went after him

* i sense a bonding moment coming on

* oh shit someone’s about to roofie Angeldust’s drink

* oh shit husk just beat that guy up

* and now angel’s crying

* ok wait that wasn’t that bad of writing, it was actually kind of heartbreaking, whoever wrote this section of the episode needs to write everything else too cause that was a very effective emotional breakdown which is like insane whiplash from the start of the ep

* HUSK WAS AN OVERLORD???

* ok ok so husk made a deal with Alastor to keep a bit of his overlord power after gambling a little too hard so now he owes Alastor like infinite favors

* that was a pretty cool fight scene ig

* now angeldust is being more real and upfront about things so that’s nice

Characters-

* Husk seems to be very observant, I enjoy that character trait

* I’m also liking Husk and Angeldust’s dynamic, it both is and isn’t what I thought it’d be if that makes sense

* okay so some major character development for angel is happening in this ep

* I like the new perspective we get to see of angeldust, and unlike other characters this development feels deserved because they’ve been alluding to this since the beginning, it’s a nice payoff and a nice insight into angeldust as a character

* ok so angeldust is constantly putting on an act to pretend everything’s fine (which explains all the unfunny sex jokes i still hate them though)

* husk seems like the therapist friend

* angeldust had a really impactful emotional breakdown scene, I didn’t hate the way it was handled

* husk and angel have a bonding moment and sing a duet,

* it was actually really sweet

* ok now that they’ve had their little bonding moment hopefully all the unfunny sex jokes directed at husk will stop

Jokes-

* Surprisingly there aren’t as many unfunny sex jokes (which is a good thing considering this ep is highlighting the horrors of SA/rape)

* during the loser song husk makes the L hand motion at Angel and I audibly laughed

Songs-

* Poison- welp that song was… it sure was, ignoring the tactless portrayal of the SA it just wasn’t a good song, like the verses themselves are fine but the chorus is absolute dogshit which is bad cause that’s the whole hook of the song, and there’s a lot of forced rhymes and the lyrics feel like they’re shoving in too many words so the singer has to rush to fit them in, 1/10

* Loser, baby- I really like this, Keith David’s voice is absolutely ethereal, the melody is infectious, and the lyricism isn’t half bad, I Iike it a lot actually, it’s a cute little duet, 8/10

Overall-

My favorite ep so far, even though the quality of writing was kinda inconsistent it was still an entertaining watch, and for all the scenes and themes that were handled very poorly there was another scene that actually did a pretty good job, it was a mixed pot, but the character development surprised me, 7/10

So that’s my little two cents

TLDR; it’s not as bad as some people will make it out to be, but it’s not outstanding either. I’m gonna keep watching and if you’re curious I’d say to at least watch the first ep and formulate your own opinion

[crayondinos]

okay so i just kinda want to word vomit/rant a little and the only person who would be okay with that is like SUPER busy rn now so i don't want to bother them

i've been volunteering for the parks system the next county over and it has been awesome! i haven't told any of the people about the jw stuff and my mom hasn't joined me so they all just know me as an awkward homeschooled kid! i'm terrified of mom or dad telling them about being jehovah's witnesses and ruining what i have going. this is my only connection to the outside world since none of my job applications have gone anywhere and if i lose it...

speaking of the job stuff, i got told that the parks director might want to hire me!!!! most of the jobs available want you to have a drivers license and i'm waiting to get mine till i turn 18 (only 4 months till then btw) so we don't have to pay for classes cause its like 500 dollars.

i have a part tonight. i'm sick of this. i wasted several hours of my life working on it. the worst thing is, well the two worst things ig are 1: i am really proud of how good it is and 2: i'm looking forward to maybe being told that i did good. the last talk i did the chairman said i did 'incredible'. he said it from the stage and i really liked it. i hate that i liked it.

i hate all i have to do to keep up the appearance of being a good jehovah's witness. i hate doing service three to four times a week and doing my bible reading -actually i kind of enjoy the studying but i hate that i have to do it to avoid suspicion- and i hate having to be "neutral" and i hate having to pretend to agree with everyone's political views despite the fact that we are supposed to stay neutral! LIKE NO MR. BROTHER MAN I DONT GIVE A SINGULAR SHIT ABOUT WHOS IN OFFICE RIGHT NOW BECAUSE IM NOT FREAKING SUPPOSED TO!!!!!!! i hate that i seem to be the only one acting the way jehovah's witnesses are supposed to when i don't even believe this stuff.

there was a bible study, we'll call them R, who started coming to the congregation my family goes to and mom got really attached to them. then R blocked the person studying with them, my mom and numerous other people. I never got their phone number. R stopped their study. my mom cried alot about it. i had to pretend to be sad but in reality i was so freaking happy. they had just graduated high school and they had short cut purple hair and lots of ear piercings and they did marching band. they gave such gay vibes but i have no idea if they are. we ran into R at the grocery store after the meeting a few weeks ago and they were polite as was mom. mom avoided saying anything about the meeting to make us seem more approachable i guess? thats how she explained it later to me in the car. mom waited until we had walked far enough away and then hugged me, hard, when she pulled away her eyes were wet and i felt like a piece of shit for not caring about what had upset her.

i have a car, my aunt moved across the world to be a need-greater and she gave it to me. i'm paying her back by selling some stuff for her.

i don't like myself. i inherited both my parents anger. i feels like the anger twisted together to create a person whose muscle fibers and bones are made solely from hatred, hatred for others, hatred for myself, hatred for life and for death. hatred for almost everything. i don't want to be shunned by my family. i love my family just as much as i hate them. they are everything to me but i can't live in this awful religion forever. i can't serve a god i despise for my whole life. i can't tell people they will see the people they love alive again when i don't believe it. i can't pretend to agree with the hatred this organization is practically weaved with. im so fucking scared. i'm scared of my family hating me, of my mom, dad, little sisters and little brother not talking to me again. i know my dads not going to live for more then a decade. he has so many health problems. i hate that at his funeral i most likely will not be able to talk to anyone, i know that i will be disfellowshipped once i leave. i'm queer and planning on committing so much "serious sin" and i'm not going to be sorry, not one fucking bit.

i would kms if i wasn't such a coward

[littlegrayfishes]

im in a weird place lately and i feel like i need to put my thoughts into words to process them

for me stability is one of the key things to feel safe and i am sure you can find a number of reasons for this in my childhood but no point fretting over it. i really don't mind this need for routine and structure in my life I'm a sucker for a good ritual. but the decisions ive made in the past 3 years go against everything that usually motivates me. i left my job which i loved doing, moved back to my home city during the pandemic where everything was chaos anyway, basically uprooted my whole life in the span of 6 months. and the main reason for that back then was my mom and wanting to move closer to my remaining family. what it comes down to is this feeling of nostalgia. i was faced with this traumatic change of my mom passing so suddenly and i became obsessed with the idea of getting my old life back. i thought if i just move back home i could bring back the old days, pick up where i left 10 years ago when i moved to another city. and obviously this didn't work out. not only did i change during those 10 years, the city and everything around me did too. and this idea of going back quickly turned into me being even more sad whenever i visited these places from my past. the pandemic had closed a lot of places which held dear memories for me and even the places that did still exist where now tainted with the thought that the people i missed weren't there anymore either. they became haunted places that i could never visit anymore. a shell of a memory now out to mock me everytime i remembered them. and after a few years back in Berlin, now even my second home has changed so much. all of my friends have moved away and even if i would go back it would not be the same. the time has passed and all i am left with is this deep sense of longing. longing for past times. i know that a certain dose of nostalgia can be comforting but i feel this isn't healthy for me. to have places that haunt me. to never visit cities i once loved again and let these memories torture me. which brings to today. my gf and i had searched for a place to visit for our summer vacation and suddenly i heard myself suggesting the place where i spent all of my childhood holidays. this place is especially haunted as it not only reminds me of childhood days, but also of my mom, my aunt, my grandma, my uncle - all long gone - my cousins i have lost touch with. i had sworn myself to never visit this place again and had mourned the loss profoundly. but now i am here and i fear what this vacation will bring. maybe it is possible to fill these haunted places with new spirits though. make new happy memories with other loved ones there. like visiting a graveyard but holding the hand of your love doing it.

i don't know. i guess i will see what the next 10 days will bring. hopefully some clarity and a lot of joy alongside the sad nostalgia.

[yesimwriting]

hiii, this might seem weird but do u have any head cannons for when the reader is pregnant and how the Darkling would react?

a/n love this concept,, it's not weird at all!! i feel like there's so much here!! also i leave for college this month and im lowkey starting to freak out so ive been watching star wars movies for comfort 😭and now i have half a mind to write for them, especially the prequels (cough, cough,, anakin) 😭 😭 that should tell you where i am mentally

anyways lets get into the headcanons:))

--

- okay so like most of my headcanons, this is probably going to be all over the place bc i feel like so many different things could change how he would react. Like if the darkling x reader have been trying to get pregnant, or an unplanned pregnancy with someone he really likes, i also think whether or not the reader is a grisha affects his reaction too

- in general though, i think he'd lowkey have a breeding kink he'd def find something about the thought of you having his child really attractive bc for one thing, he wouldn't have to worry about being left alone and now he has an excuse to be a real 'protector'.

- also if youve read my other headcanons i am 100000% convinced that he has this thing where if he really likes someone he needs them to need him (let's all remember the whole 'i will strip you of everything you know and love speech until I'm your only shelter' speech he gave to Alina)

- also i kinda want to write a fic or blurb series or something that's just the darkling being super toxic in super thoughtful ways LMAO if that makes sense, like he's being super sweet but it's to make sure the reader is dependent on him

- and he def wants to be the protector to give himself some sense of assurance bc he's so desperate to not be alone anymore and bc the reader is the only person he has/loves, he wants to feel in control and like he's the less attached one

- okay,, let's get back to the pregnancy thing, anyways, your pregnancy is most definitely activating all of those senses and this was meant to be a sub plot but it kind of became it's own thing lol

- so lets get to the actual pregnancy reaction

if you two have been trying to get pregnant:

- when you tell him, he kind of like, pauses bc it's not every day that he gets surprised so it takes him a moment to register that he's experiencing shock lol, so he tenses and goes islent

- and then after he realizes that he's surprised and that it's bc of a good thing, he manages to relax

- meanwhile you're kind of freaking out bc he got so quiet?? you start to wonder if he's regretting ever wanting a child with you? and you're like two seconds away from a downspiral and then he...

- he touches your cheek and looks at you in a way you've never seen him look at anyone,, not even you

- the look is so warm and strong and full of fierce admiration that you feel foolish for ever thinking he didn't want this. And then he says something about how you're carrying his child and how he didn't realize he could adore you more and then he kisses you and it's all :)) warm:)

- he doesn't want anyone to know that he's expecting a child as long as possible bc of how many enemies he has and how he has to worry about you enough when people just know that you're his 'lover' (a title you never really liked, but one he tells you is necessary to make sure no one realizes the extent of his attachment)

- if you really want to tell your mother or someone of that relation, he won't be mad about it, but he just needs to know

- Genya is the only exception bc the darkling basically instructs her to look out for you,, but when you tell her she's like oh?? you guys just found out?

- miss girl most definitely noticed like a day and a half ago after you cried bc she couldn't find you ice cream the other night 😭and she just assumed you knew but weren't ready to tell anyone

- okay so this what i think is his most problematic expecting father trait would be. So i just ranted about how important secrecy would be to him but he's also the most overprotective person in the entire world,, like he was bad before but once he knows your with child?? yeah, if a man asks you about the weather, he's done for

- he's next to you in a second, ordering either you or the man to do some asinine task

- if you get mad about this (rightfully so) or even just point out how nothing is wrong and you having a casual conversation with a man who isn't even looking at you sexually won't hurt you or the baby, he'll lose rationality

- it depends on how much you push, but it'd be super easy to make him super possessive bc like i said, being bonded by a child has made him so much more intense (and he was pretty intense before)

- and if you push too much he'll lowkey forget about how cautious he's trying to be with you and pin you against the nearest wall and say something along the lines of 'are you already forgetting you're mine? that i own you, body and soul--is my child growing in you not enough of a reminder? because i'll give you another one if you need it.' (AH--i want to write a whole fic based on this line)

- also if the reader is grisha, especially if she's a sun summoner/special grisha like him, he def talks about the power that they've created and how proud he already is and how he can't wait to train together and be the most powerful family in the world

- not everything is perfectly happy though, bc now he feels more pressure to complete his plan and establish the world he wants his child to be born into

- so sometimes when he's working extra hard or is extra aggressive for no reason, you have to work at calming him down and reminding him that the best thing he can do for his child is be there for them (and the child's mother,, lol)

- sometimes he'll respond by actually listening to you and trying to make up for his absence or his aggression by being extra soft until you finally forgive him

- you never last that long, it's hard to be mad at him when he's coddling you and whispering such sweet things about he's so happy to have you and your future child

- overall, his first reaction is to swell with emotion, which he isn't used to, and so he becomes super protective but also extra lovey and you know that his overreactions are just him trying to show that he cares about you and your future child more than anything

If the pregnancy was unplanned:

- the initial reaction is pretty similar, only his state of shock lasts longer

- like i said at the beginning, he's not used to being surprised and an accidental pregnancy is so much more surprising than a planned pregnancy

- this really sucks for you bc he's not exactly known for his patience so you just kinda sit there and genuinely wonder if you're going to be a single mom or if you're going to want to deletus the fetus or something

- but then he takes a step towards you and you see how he's looking at you and you just know that that fierceness has to mean something good

- and at this point you're scared and nervous and feel so alone so tears are pricking at your eyes,, so he wipes his thumb across your cheek to wipe away tears you won't let spill

- he then whispers something really sweet about how you two are now together forever, as you should be

- it's really relieving bc you felt so alone and uncertain and he's such a smooth speaker that by the end of the night, you feel like this is a good thing

- if youre still hesitant/weighing your options, he's not above trying to (gently) manipulate you into thinking that what he wants may be the only way

- by that,, i don't mean outright tricking you bc he means everything he says, but he def is pushing the keeping the baby agenda,, especially if you're a grisha,, and even more so if you're a grisha with similar power levels to him

- he won't get angry at first bc he's not so out of touch that he's unaware of how shocking a pregnancy is to a woman who wasn't planning one,, but his patience is limited and if you fight it too much he will get mad and yell

- but unless you really don't want to have a child, it won't get to that bc he makes the idea of having a baby with him sound so perfect?? like you genuinely don't understand how he did that

- he chases away all of your worries and assures you that youre not alone and that even though it isn't planned he wouldn't rather anyone else carry his child

- the initial conversation would probably end in you two sleeping together again bc he finds the fact that you're carrying his child so attractive and bc being aware of the pregnancy makes him more possessive

- it's also a good way to fight any of your doubts

- speaking of being possessive though,, i feel like he could be a little more possessive/protective of a reader who didn't plan on getting pregnant bc your relationship has been less established

- no one sees you as anything to him and he doesn't want to start rumors now bc it's important to him that his enemies don't find out about you or his future child so he doesn't want that to change

- but he almost forgets about all of those reasons each time he sees a man get a little too close,, especially if that guy is flirty

- it takes all of his will power to not just go 'she's mine and if i wasn't worried about the stress that witnessing something violent would cause our unborn child, you'd be dead already, but if you're not gone by the time i turn around, i'll forget about caution'

- lots of close calls ngl!! at one point youre like 'if it bothers you so much, maybe you should tell someone??' and he's like 'no,, maybe,, shut up' and then you raise one eyebrow and he just closes his mouth and is like 'i mean,, i'll kiss you to shut you up, haha--dont be mad'

- youre the one that's pregnant but sometimes you think he might be the one experiencing the mood swings i swear 😭

- so your little theory gets tested,, he's not the type to gossip with his besties and be like 'guess who's officially my girlfriend, i knocked her up but it's not like it sounds--'

- so he's like ig you can tell genya

- once again genya is like ?? yall thought you were keeping that secret? couldn't be me

- but having it a little out in the open helps ease him just enough that youre actually capable of consoling him when he becomes jealous

- still though,, he's quick to go into possessive/pregnancy kink sex

- youre most def not mad about it,, unless pregnancy has you particularly sore

- he's normally pretty understanding about that and def doesn't mind pulling his weight in the bedroom when he needs

- honestly he'd be really good at being a source of calmness at the beginning, but as time goes on he becomes more and more worried about finishing his plans bc he didn't expect to have a child right now

- so he'd be more adamant about working/becoming more tense and would be more difficult to console if it was an accidental pregnancy

- when you call him out on it--or on anything while your pregnant--it's frustrating for you both bc the number one thing everyone knows is stress is bad for baby, so he's trying to keep you calm without backing down

- these argument always end with one of you clinging to the other,, and then the more angrier of the two just like shuts up, rolls their eyes, and lets go of the argument...at least for now

- the main difference between an accidental and intentional pregnancy would probably be how you perceive him,, bc an intentional pregnancy means youve talked about things but since you havent talked about anything your shocked about how soft he becomes ??

[concentrateandpush]

Just like Charles had promised, he barely let me stay not pregnant. Baby is only 11 months old and I’m 40 weeks pregnant, which is unheard of with twins. I’ve been up all night with the little one and she’s at that point where EVERYTHING is interesting, fingers in plugs, stuffing bread into where it doesn’t belong.. we’ve gone through 3 iPhones because they just done belong in the bath. But, she’s beautiful and eagerly awaiting the arrival of her little play mates.

“Sweetheart, are you going to have nap time? Then when you wake up, Daddy’s going to be home?” I smile, trying to entice her into the idea. She shakes her head and just runs wild, it’s not that I don’t want to play with her and keep her entertained, it’s that I physically can’t at this point. “Up! Up!!” She smiles to me and I just can’t resist her face and so I get up letting her pull me to where ever she wants. “Ake! Ake!” She smiles, anything but fucking baking “Oh angel.. Mommy’s really tired” I sigh and kneel down “what about drawing? Or even.. even swimming?” I offer and her eyes light up.

Luckily, we have a pool in our garden, a decent sized one. “Okay, come on” I nod and get her changed before getting myself into a one piece. Once we’re in, she’s loving life, she’s like a sea creature, she’s always been great in the water. I look down at my stomach and give a gently brush over the top “we’re ready for you babies” I whisper. As if by magic, I start to feel an all too familiar pain. Biting my lip and just observing, I watch my stomach as it tightens slightly. I had already gotten my mucus plug, so I knew it was coming, but it takes me by surprise.

I ride through a few easy contractions and then decide it’s time to get out “Okay, sweetheart, time to get out” I smile and laboriously grunt as I pick her up and climb out. She senses something isn’t quite right, I know this because there was no nagging to stay in there. I check the time and sigh seeing that it’s still a while before Charles comes home. I settle her down and get her on the couch in a big towel and wrap one around myself, just trying to ease the pains as they come in and let out.

A while goes by and I check the time again, he’s late, baby is passed out on the couch with some kids show playing in the background and I can’t carry her up to bed at this point. Things are getting harder and I find myself squatting as I hold onto the kitchen counter, panting and trying to not wake her. I reach for my phone and call him, letting it ring and ring until he picks up “Babe? Im so sorry, work was crazy” he explains and I cut across “I need you here, I’ve gone into labor” I explain. “Shit, okay.. I’ll have Mom come and pick her up” he says fast and I shake my head “no you know she won’t let us do this alone” I sigh. “Okay, okay.. I’ll.. what about Juno?” He offers and I nod “yeah, just.. just get her here” I say as I clearly get closer to another contraction.

With in minutes, Juno comes in and looks around, I’m still on my knees in the kitchen. “Juno! She’s asleep there, she should sleep through, please just.. don’t tell them that they’re coming yeah?” I ask and she nods “I’ve got you, I won’t say a thing.. I trust you won’t say a thing in a few months when it’s my turn” she smiles softly and I beam at her “you’re kidding me?!” I ask as I get up and go to her, wrapping my arms around her “that’s amazing, I.. I’m so happy for you” I giggle. “Thank you, I’m ten weeks” she blushes. I knew that her and her girlfriend wanted a baby, but I didn’t expect her to do it at 17 and I have no idea who the dad is, but her face.. she’s so happy. “I’m so proud of you” I smile and tuck some hair back behind her ear.

“Babe?! Lena!?” Charles shouts and Juno shakes her head as if to say not to tell him. “I’ve got you” I whisper and rub her back before shouting “kitchen!”. “It’s our secret” I nod to her and squeal excitedly before he comes through. “Hey Juju” he smiles and rubs her back “hey bro, I’m going, I just came for Missy” she smiles and gets her bag and heads on out, leaving us alone.

“So you’re okay?” He checks and I nod “they’re still pretty far apart” I explain and drop the towel, letting him see my belly through the tight suit. I watch his face and see his nose flare “fuck” he whispers. I can’t help but smile as I lead to the couch “coming?” I ask and he nods, following as I go. I lay down and open my legs “I guess I need to make room right?” I ask shyly and bite my lip “I mean.. the head is going to be huge at forty weeks and I’m so tight..” I sigh, watching him get all hot and bothered.

“I..” he starts and I laugh a little “we have time, I’m not feeling movement or anything.. want to stretch me?” I offer and he swallows thickly. “There are some objects over there.. I want to push before I have to push” I say softly and he just gets up and goes for them. I go to take my swimsuit off and he shakes his head “I want that on.. I want you to struggle” he says calmly and I nod “as you please sir”.

He comes back with an inflatable ball, looking at me and I nod “you need to put it in.. how can I push it out otherwise?” I say innocently. He nods and picks up some lube, rubbing it all over me. He slides his fingers in and I groan a little before he pushes the ball in and starts to inflate it. I feel it expanding inside of me, I wouldn’t be able to play for long before baby works their way down. He starts pumping, I usually do two, maybe three. “You need to feel like you can’t do it.. practice” he smirks and I swallow thickly.

Once it’s in, I start to get a contraction and I look at him, immediately zoning out and needing to focus properly. “Come on.. this is the time to push” he tells me and my eyes widen. I pull both legs back, which is already uncomfortable, and I push a little but it scares me “babe, no, I can’t.. deflate it” I demand and he shakes his head “you need to push” he says dead pan and I start to panic, I get on my knees and look at him as I push again, cupping myself as I try to get it out. “Come out!” I groan, the contraction is not helping as I pant and wriggle through the pain. “Babe! Get it out!” I panic and he smooths my belly “it’s okay, you can do it”

“You don’t-“ I cry before pushing a finger around it “you don’t understand, I can’t get it out!” I sob and start to grunt, pushing as hard as I can. “Get it out! Get it out!” I scream “Purple! Charles, purple!!” I scream. Our codeword. “Fuck- fuck baby, I.. hold on” he says as he deflates it, pulling it out and tossing it aside, holding me and pulling me into him “baby, babe I’m so sorry, I thought-“ he starts and I shake my head “it hurt too much” I cry and just sob into him. He holds me, rocking me gently until I fall asleep. I need sleep so bad and he knows that.

I wake up about 3/4 hours later with an excruciating pain in my lower abdomen. “Mmm.. Charlie..” I grumble and rub my belly “Charlie?!” I shout seeing he’s not there. I immediately fall into a birthing breathing pattern, slowly trying to get on top of the pain until I feel a stabbing down below. “Unghh” I groan and reach to hold it “babe?!” I shout before starting to whimper through the pain. “Okay, I’m here, I’m here.. easy, babe, easy” he coaches me and I bite my lip, opening my legs again.

“Okay, we need to break these waters” he sighs and I nod, still working hard through the contraction. I’m opening up already, whether it’s just swelling or the baby, I don’t know. He pushes two fingers inside me and then nods “you’re so close” he smiles “about an eight, but we need to do this” he says softly as he puts on some gloves and a mask. “Ms Lovell” he winks and I laugh a little, the pain wearing down. “I’m just going to feel around and try to break your waters” he smirks.

“Yes doctor” I nod and lay back a little, watching him. The baby is filling me, it’s so hard but he has to have his fun. With in seconds the next contraction arrives, they are on top of eachother. “I need to hold your hand” I grumble and reach out feeling for him. He keeps his fingers inside me and then gives me his other hand. I feel his thumb on my clit, it’s all so much. “Nghh” I grunt “ahh! Baby!” I cry out as he starts to rub my clit so fast that it hurts “p-please!” I ask before he dives in and starts to suck on it “f-fuck” I mutter, the pain, the pleasure.

He starts to finger fuck me as he does all this and I just shake my head holding onto the pillow “Charlie!” I shout “Charlie! Charlie, Charlie!” I scream, partly in pain, mostly in pleasure. That’s when I feel it, the bag of waters explode inside me and flush out. I grip my thigh tightly and look to Charles “fucking hell” I mutter as I look down at the puddle in between my thighs.

[warmau]

☆ [nostalgic] summer romance!au chenle happy (once again late) birthday lele ! ~ find others here: johnny | haechan | taeil | taeyong | mark | jaemin | yangyang | yuta | sicheng

maybe the heat has gotten to chenle 

when he sits down on the last step of the long staircase nestled between your building and the twenty four hour grocery store

the stairs lead up to the next block, where you can hear the vague sounds of kids playing on the street. one of the voices might be haechan, he’s shouting for someone to come back

but you look at chenle and he’s looking at his knees

freshly bruised from where he and jisung both fell off their bikes a couple days ago, it’s starting to scab and he looks like he’s trying not to pick at it

“sorry, you want me to do what?”

“don’t make me say it again.”

he mutters and he won’t look at you

you know even if you ask him too - he’s probably the most stubborn person you’ve ever met -  he won’t

“no, i didn’t hear - well i did, but i mean - you’re crazy.”

“you can just say no.”

he shifts his gaze from his knees up to the sky and then after you wait patiently for another minute he finally does look at you

“do you really hate the idea of it?”

“it’s not that. it’s just.......if you really like this person, you should just fall into it naturally with them. you shouldn’t have to practice - you should just do it when it feels right.”

his mouth twitches like he’s about to scowl and roll his eyes and stomp away

because that’s what he does when things don’t go his way but instead he just stares at you and says;

“i won’t know what feels right until ive at least tried it.”

you should argue back, you and chenle are notorious for always bantering and quarrelling and leaving all of your friends either annoyed or doubling over with laughter

but you can’t think of something witty to say. something at least convincing because he makes a point

but also

how is he not embarrassed to ask me of all people that?

sighing, you’re the one who looks away and over your shoulder up the stairs

no one is around - their voices are - but they’re distant and chenle is close

so close that bruised knee of his could brush yours if he just inched a little to his left

“fine.”

you give in and turn your shoulders back toward him

“you might as well practice with me, anyone else and you might actually catch another crush on top of the one you have now.”

chenle half smirks and you don’t register the emotional shift in the light brown of his eyes

you just think he’s going along with your joke - well not really a joke, more like a statement

and that’s how you end up leaning in, one hand on the stairs as if to keep your balance even while sitting down

and the other on the side of chenle’s cheek

you hover just a moment before you kiss him - a split, wordless millisecond of hesitation - and then you let your lips gently press to his

it isn’t even a real kiss but it is the first moment of the rest of a summer you never expected

of course, you and chenle tell no one about this weird, awkward, beyond the boundaries of friendship thing you are doing

mostly because if you did haechan and jaemin would not let it go, not until you were all rolling in your graves and jisung would probably be scarred with crippling doubt of where every friendship of his stood

so you only naturally have to sneak around

chenle is a good liar though, well better than you who has trouble even looking renjun in the eyes when chenle says you and him have to leave a little earlier from the backyard barbeque someones throwing because oh right, you forgot your allergy medicine at home and chenle promised some old lady across the street he’d feed her cat while she was on holiday

they’re half-assed, badly timed lies but it is summer

and if you and chenle don’t want to have fun with the rest of the group then so be it

you guys just get teased and called debbie-downers and then you’re home free

well home free in a sense that you know have some time to sit on the rug of your bedroom and kiss

for the sake of learning

“where do i put my hands?”

chenle asks one time and you move instinctively to put one of his palms on the side of your waist. 

that’s where i like to be held-

you drop his hand as soon as the thought crosses your mind and stutter out

“well, that’s more a question for your crush. different people like it in different places.”

he nods and thinks for a second

“we’ve only kissed a couple of times but i think i like putting my hand on your waist.”

his palm ends up just where you had wanted to lead it and when a little swell of butterflies flutters in your stomach at the fact, you quell the feeling and shove it deep deep deep down 

this persists throughout the weeks, and each time you try and introduce chenle to a tier higher of kissing, if that makes sense

you’ve got down the leaning in, the hand position, the tilting your head, the emergency breath mints, the lead up or lead out, the avoid nose smashing or teeth clanking and then there’s only really one last thing you can graduate too and it’s 

“tongue?”

you almost hark on the ice-cream sandwich you’re eating when jaemin says the word

“yeah, he got his tongue pierced. are you ok?”

renjun turns his long gaze to you, the poor ice-cream melting all over the wrapper and on your fingers

“fine, yeah, it’s just - super hot. i think im gonna go home and lay under the ac.”

your eyes go from renjun to jaemin to chenle who gives a little nod and stands up from his side of the table with a groan

“sorry guys, i got a text from my mom. i gotta go now too.”

no one says anything. renjun taps his fingers and doesn’t look away from you as jaemin tries desperately to convince you both to stay and when you both say no he sticks his tongue out and asks you a question that you thought would sooner come out of anyone elses mouth

“are you two like hooking up behind our backs or something, you’re always gone when we’re having the most fun!”

you think you might really fall over - renjun, sure you could have seen him figuring it out. haechan - definitely. even jeno......but 

jaemin?

“what? like i’d ever hook up with them.”

chenle’s voice comes out, high and mocking 

it’s pretty good and you almost believe it for a second - turn around and tell him hey, you’ve been making out with me this whole entire month so if you want to end up practicing on a stuffed animal back home you better take that back!

when you realize - right, he’s covering up

you scrunch up your nose and chuck the icecream into the trash

“right, like id ever let him touch me.”

jaemin is convinced, he goes back to laughter and obliviousness, but renjun chuckles when you pass by and the undertone of it makes you shake even in the heat

“renjun knows.”

you and chenle are not in your room for once, you’re outside in a small park that’s been abandoned as the summer moon switches places with the summer sun

chenle is swinging back and forth and you’re leaning against the side of the swing set nervously biting your lip

“he gave me a look when we left.”

“are you going to teach me it by the way?”

“teach you what?”

you hear the swing come to a stop and he stands up, you don’t know if now the summer heat is getting to you

because when you look at him he looks different

he looks handsome, not just cute and sweet like you’re used to seeing him - all round faced and smiley - he’s gotten taller and is still so naturally thin it brings out the defining cuts of the sharper parts of his face

you look away immediately when you start cataloging all of this in your brain

people only do that with people they like, you don’t look at your friends and start painting their best features in your head like a psycho ........ ok not a psycho but someone that’s.....that’s in ......

“you know, how to actually kiss. not little pecks or whatever, like actual deeper kissing.”

it is obvious what he’s asking and you are pretty sure it’s just his drive to be better at all this for that person he likes 

but you feel shy about it, even a little uncomfortable with the idea of being slightly closer to someone who is using you as what could be compared with a scientific mannequin 

a how-to user guide, a one time trial period

you feel light headed and when chenle comes into your personal space and reaches out to hold you, you jerk back

“stop - wait.”

he listens 

“w-who do you even like, you never told me.”

“why’s that important?” 

his eyes widen a little and you are racing through a hundred different excuses and reasons to prolong this conversation

“well i want to know. i mean, i mean everything we practiced you’re going to use with them so i just i guess i feel like im at least entitled to know that.”

“it’s a secret, it doens’t matter either way.”

“do i know them?”

chenle frowns, “no. they don’t live near here. anyway are you ok why-”

you walk backwards, up until your back hits the fence that runs around the little park

chenle’s ticked off look turns into genuine concern and he stops a couple of feet from you and asks this time if you’re really ok, if you don’t want to do this anymore than that’s all you have to say-

he’s speaking, in almost something akin to a whisper, and the sound along with the dawning of the evening makes you remember that first kiss you gave him on the stairs

his bruised knee, haechan’s voice in the distance, the long steps leading up to the entire world and away from chenle

if you really had felt nothing for him but friendship, you would have gotten up and told him to stop playing around

you would have trotted up those steps and joined everyone else

you would have never leaned in and kissed him first

but you had and the secret that you’d stowed as far back in your heart as possible had slowly, with each day of this summer, been pulled out and out and out

and now it was big and shining and the only thing you could think about anymore

i like chenle

and everytime he kisses me

he’s thinking of someone else

“i can’t, i can’t do that with you.”

you finally find the words and then clutch your fingers into fists at your side when chenle gives you a sad look you almost never see him wear

“it’s not that i don’t want to, i do. i want to. and not to help you learn or whatever but because i really just........want to.”

that sad look is turning into something you’re too scared to look at - but you know he’s following your train of thought now

“and you should want to do that with the person you like, not a replace-”

“it’s you.”

he cuts in before you finish your sentence and like a train going at full speed you brake and everything crashes in at once

“-ment......sorry, what?”

“it’s you. you’re the person i like.”

“but- you - practice- you - what?”

the starstruck look on your face makes chenle laugh and you can’t believe the audacity, buy you also want an answer so when he wipes away his chuckling he nods

“it was you all along. do you think i’d ever want to spend days making out with someone i didn’t like?”

when you had thought something had been wrong with him on the day he’d asked you to do this the first time, you really had thought either he’d gotten heatstroke or been brainwashed

it was so unlike chenle to 1) admit he needed to practice something and 2) want to practice it with someone he wasn’t at least fond of

so really, maybe something had been wrong with you, when you had failed to see that his whole plan this time was

“you just wanted an excuse to kiss me all summer?”

he shrugs and grins, “it was nice right?”

you can’t argue or lie or disagree - it was nice - and now you’re standing here in this park with no one around and you think maybe you shuold teach chenle the last and final thing about kissing

so you finally let him come closer and with his hand on your waist, just where you like it, he leans in again

but just before you do anything else you pull back and mumble

“jaemin is going to freak out when we tell him he was right, we have been sneaking out around behind everyones back to make out.”

“yeah but renjun definitely knows right?”

you nod, right, maybe that’ll soften the shock for everyone

(it doesn’t)

and sometimes you also get another wave of shock, even after dating chenle for so long 

not much has changed - you still like to push each other and tease and pretend like you aren’t head over heels in love with each other 

if only because that’s one way to show that you are, in fact, very much attached 

and because even when you kiss in front of the group - jaemin still says it blows his mind

the only person who keeps reminding everyone that he saw this coming, even before you and chenle spent that summer locking lips 

is renjun who looks at you and chenle and is like, “one day ill probably be helping plan their wedding.”

you and chenle look at each other and pretend to gag, wedding? no way? to each other? you’d both rather die!

and then you grin and kiss and tickle noses and disappear into a bubble of your own

every time you get to be alone though you whisper against his cheek that you love him, he knows exactly how to make you happy

and he reminds you hey - you taught me everything i know, that one summer all that time ago.

[bigbrainblue]

19th birthday

It was late.

you don’t know how late, but late enough that you hadn’t heard a car pass in well over 20 minutes, the only light around was from the distance street lamps and the reflection of the moon on the ocean that stood before you. the only sound coming from the crickets in the hills, occasional wave crashing, and your own shallow breath. 

currently you were sat on a beach. alone.

it was your birthday, you had come to the beach from your birthday party. a party to celebrate the day you were born 19 years ago. 

the party was fine, but there sure as hell were a lot of people, way more than you would have liked

you knew people there, sure, but a good portion of the party was people you've never even heard of, just coming for a party and the booze. 

you had arrived with your friends, a lot of them actually, you had just managed to lose them all one by one slowly as the night grew longer and as your vison started to blur.

the people you came with were your friends, Niki, will, toby, tom, clay, George, nick, and Alex. 

you were having fun, drinking, walking around, socializing. but soon it became too much.

the drinking had made you obsess over every thought that came into your head.

you decided to take a break, have some fresh air, and now here you are. on a beach. alone. at night.

one of the thoughts your brain wouldn’t let go was about Alex, the boy you’ve known since junior year of Highschool. you two met when you decided to do a foreign exchange year in Mexico. it just so happened to be that the parents that decided to host you for a school year also were the parents of a teenage boy the same age as you, with straight black hair that stuck to the back of his neck and with freckles scattered around his face. over the next 9 months you guys became best friends, never leaving each others sides.

you didn't know it then, but you had fallen in love with this boy, this amazing beautiful smart caring boy. 

but eventually you had to go home, but you guys never stopped talking.

Alex eventually started posting videos on YouTube, and not long after, streaming on twitch as well.

you watched him gain fame as you supported him at the sidelines, cheering him along the way.

at some point he convinced you to do it too. you spent long nights on calls with him, helping you set up your streams and giving you ideas for new YouTube videos. 

with the help of Alex, you started to gain fame too, even passing him at one point.

through streaming and YouTube, you made so many friends, and yet none of them compared to Alex. 

speaking of Alex, you wondered what he was doing, probably having the time of his life, drinking an hooking up with girls a bajillion times hotter than you

*A/N HI OK IM SORRY IF THAT PART SOUNDED MEAN I PROMISE IT ADDS TO THE STORY OK BYE*

you laughed quietly at yourself thinking about how stupid it was to think that you could pull a guy like Alex.

just then you heard it.

a familiar voice from behind you, “what’s so funny?”

you looked back startled and confused

‘Alex? what are you doing out here?”

“well y/n I could ask the same thing to you, its your party, i noticed you were gone, so I went looking for you. as simple as that”

“i got overwhelmed in there, I'm sorry. i just needed some fresh air”

“ its ok, don't apologize for something you cant control. can I sit?”

“nope” you said sarcastically, hoping he would get the joke

“too bad!” he said, plopping himself right next to you in the sand

you giggled at his humor

neither of you said anything, it wasn't awkward silence, you two had known each other long enough that sometimes, it was nice to just enjoy the company of the other person beside you in silence. 

and yet, suddenly Alex said something.

“have you been crying? there's dried tear streaks along the sides of your face”

you turned your head towards his and whipped the sides of you face, seeing that he was already looking at you, studying you and your facial expression. 

“i guess. if I did, I didn't notice.”

“how did you not notice yourself crying? that sounds like something very noticeable” he said, putting an emphasis on the very,

you laughed, probably harder than you should have.

he smiled, happy to see you happy

“do you wanna talk about it? why you were crying?”

“no, well, not here at least-” you said gesturing your hands at the ocean 

“plus, there's sand getting in my ass” you added on to your previous sentence

Alex laughed and agreed, standing up and brushing off hi pants, and then handing out a hand for you to grab as he pulled you up.

you also brushed yourself off, and you weren't lying, cause man was there a lot of sand in your ass.

he started walking away from you and as you caught up with him you asked,

“where are we going?”

“you’ll see, its a great place, I promise you will love it” 

you followed Alex to his car as he opened the passenger side door for you.

“how romantic” you commented as you climbed into his car. poking fun at him

as he got into the car he plugged his phone into the aux cord, playing a song you had heard a couple times, but would have never expected for Alex to listen to it, it just didn't seem like the type of music he would like.

he set his phone down face up as the screen flashed up at you as he put the car into gear and pulled out into the street

you saw the title of the song he was playing, “Falling For U” by Peachy ft Mxmtoon, and his wallpaper, a photo of you two from junior year. both standing next to each other awkwardly as his mom made you guys take a photo together on the first day you got there. you wondered how long it had been his wallpaper for. 

you laughed and asked him about his wallpaper

“i mean you gotta admit, we look extremely sexy in that photo. especially me”

this comment from Alex made you break out laughing, even harder than before, as he started to hum along with the lyrics of the song. joined with him actually saying a line out loud every once in a while

it was a peaceful drive, Alex played more lofi songs as you stared out the widow.

eventually he pulled the car into an empty parking lot of a small gas station 

“is this the place?” you questioned 

“nope, just a pit stop.” he said

you both went inside, grabbing snacks and drinks and piling them into the back of the car. Alex making you wait to open them until you two got to your final destination

 eventually, the car rolled into a another small empty parking lot, except this one was made of dirt and was a lot higher up.

Alex had pulled the car to the edge of the parking lot, as you finally got to see why he brought you here,

you looked through the windshield to find a view of the entire city. 

you gasped in awe as you looked towards Alex, who, again, was already looking at you.

this time he wasn't studying you, he was admiring you.

you blushed, but pushed it off.

you and him both got out of the car so you guys could grab the snacks and the blankets he had in the back of his car.

he hopped onto the hood of his car and you joined him.

-

you starred into the sky full of stars above you. 

you gasped as you pointed out a shooting star passing over head 

“what did you wish for, Alex?”

“i cant tell you or else it wont come true”

“well then couldn't you wish the opposite of what you want to come true and then tell someone so the opposite comes true?”

“you're so stupid-” he said jokingly as he laughed.

“so, do you want to talk about why you were crying earlier, or is this still not the right spot” Alex chuckled at his own joke

“yes but, I have a question first”

Alex hummed in response, curious of what the question could be

“do you believe in love at first sight?”

you could feel his gaze on you, but you didn't divert your eyes from the stars above.

“do you remember the first time that we met? at the airport when my mom forced us to hug and take that god awful photo together, and when we ended up playing tictactoe in the car for an hour while we drove to my house?”

“yes? of course i do, that was simultaneously the worst and best day of my life. but that doesn't answer my question dumbass” you said, still not giving into his gaze onto side of your head.

“I think I just did, did I not?” 

it finally clicked, him looking for you at the party, the song in the car, the story

you turned your head to meet his gaze, finally giving in

he sat up and dramatically grabbed his chest, pretending to have been stabbed in the heart, enacting a theatrical performance

“y/n m/n l/m, i am dying, and you must know, that I am in LOVE with you!” he dramatically gasped and fall back down., pretending to be dead. 

you played along as you gasped and put the pack of your hand on your forehead as you spoke

“oh my dear Alex, I love you too, and now you will never get to know how much i loved you” you faked sobbed onto his chest

“maybe a true loves kiss will help save him” he whispered, making the scene even funnier and causing both of you to bust out laughing

“ah yes, the only way to save my prince, a true loves KISS!” you said before coming down and kissing Alex on the lips. 

he sat up with a loud gasp

“I am alive! a kiss of true love saved me!” you giggled beside him as you watched him play out his Oscar-winning performance

“may I kiss you again m’lady? for saving my life of course.” he questioned

“of course, you can kiss me anytime m’lady” you said back, pulling him into a deeper kiss

he pulled way first before speaking

“WAIT DID YOU JUST CALL ME M’LADY?

[hyperion-moonbabe-art3mis]

Songwriting

Julie and the Phantoms

Pairing: Luke Patterson x Reader

Word Count: 2.5k

Masterlist

A/N: Here’s my first JATP fic. This is loosely based on the “Edge of Great” ep. This ended up being much longer than I expected, but who’s complaining I guess. Please let me know what you think and if I should write more. I hope you all enjoy!

@im-a-writer-right​ YOUR TURN!!!

Ever since Julie’s mom had passed away you had been hanging around a lot since you knew what it was like to lose a parent. But ever since you found out that Julie had 3 ghost boys in her garage you found yourself hanging out at her house much more often. It was interesting and you really had nothing else better to do. And considering you’re the only other person that can see them without music playing Julie felt more comfortable having you watch over them if she thought they’d get into any trouble.

You had been hanging out in the garage waiting for Julie so you could watch her and the boys practice. You were writing lyrics in your journal when all of a sudden Luke popped in onto the couch next to you. 

“Whatcha writing?” He asks peeking over your shoulder.

“Nothing!” You say slamming your notebook shut.

“Shutting your notebook isn’t nothing. Come on, what is it?” Luke asks turning himself to you.

“Ok, how about. None of your business,” You respond. 

“Y/N when are you gonna tell me what’s in your notebook? You hug that thing like it’ll be the death of you if someone reads it,” Luke chuckles.

“It’s my personal journal when are you gonna get that?” You say and get up to put it in your bag. 

“When you let me see what’s inside?”Luke asks.

“You’re so damn nosy, Luke,” You chuckle as Julie walks in.

“What’s going on here?” Julie asks, clearly thinking something is going on between you and Luke.

“Luke is trying to get me to show him my notebook,” You say showing Julie. 

“Ah, your mu--” Julie starts before you run to cover her mouth.

“Wait she knows?” Luke asks.

“Well yeah. She’s my best friend,” You say with your hand still covering Julie’s mouth. Julie muffles something through your hand but it was incoherent, so you remove your hand.

“Where’s Reggie and Alex? We need to practice,” Julie says. 

“Oh! They were just out doing their own thing. They’ll be here,” Luke says. Just like on queue the two popped in. 

“Hey, guys, ready to rock?” Reggie says.

“Yeh, so we’re playing Edge of Great first. Let’s start on that,” Julie says. You sat and watched as the band practiced for the show Julie’s dad put on. 

“So what do you think?” Julie asked you.

“It was great. You all are gonna do amazing!” You say. After the boys were gone for a break before the show, you wanted to show Julie what you were working on.

“Hey, I was wondering if I could show you a song I was working on,” You say.

“Of course,” She says.

You go over to pick up one of the acoustic guitars and make sure it’s in tune. As soon as you were ready you started playing some chords. “One moment you’re here and the next you’re not. But I know you’re watching over me and you’re still with me,” You sing. You continue until you finish the chords you have set out. 

“I have all the lyrics but I’m still working on the tune. What do you think?” You ask Julie as you finish. 

“It’s great. Is it about your dad?” She asks.

“Yeah, it’s been in the works for months and I just finished the lyrics before Luke so rudely interrupted,” You respond.

“You know...” Julie starts with a look on her face.

“No. No. I know that look on your face. You’re gonna suggest something that I won’t like,” You say.

“Come on. Just hear me out?” She begs.

“Fine,” You say, and cross your arms.

“You should ask Luke to help you finish the tune and open for us at the show,” She suggests.

“Nope. Nope. No,” You quickly say.

“Come on. You write amazing music and have barely shared it in the last few years,” She says.

“You know that’s because a lot of my songs are super personal, especially this one,” You say.

“Ok, well do you have a song you’d be okay singing?” Julie.

“I have one, but I don’t have any tune for it,” You respond. 

“Ok, ask Luke to help. He’s amazing at creating tunes for lyrics,” Julie says.

“No,” You sternly say.

“Why are you so scared to let the boys know you sing and write music?” She asks.

“I don’t know. It’s not something I really like to publicly announce,” You respond.

“You don’t publicly announce it, but you’re one of the best artists in the school music program? Come on what’s the real reason?” Julie questions.

“I guess it’s just because it’s been a long time since I’ve performed solo and my songs have seriously been lacking. Plus there are only a few hours until your show, I’m not sure if I can pull a full song out before then,” You respond.

“Your songs have not been lacking. And if I can bounce back. Then you definitely can. Just ask Luke, I know he’d be more than happy to help and to find out what’s in your notebook. You have the rest of the afternoon. Plus,  I’ve seen you pull songs out 1 hour before you went on stage, you got this,” Julie says. 

“You really think I can pull this?” You ask.

“I know it. And you can find out if there really is anything going on between you two,” Julie smiles and pokes at your stomach.

“Stop. There’s nothing between Luke and me, he’s just a good friend,” You say.

“A friend that my best friend likes. The way you two look at each other and talk to eachother that can’t be nothing,” Julie says.

“So this is why you want Luke to help me?” You ask.

“Ehhhh. Also if you don’t play, I’ll hunt you down and make you,” She says as you two walk out of the garage. 

“Fine. Fine. I’d rather not die at your hand. But there is NOTHING between me and Luke,” You chuckle.

“I guess we’ll find out,” Julie says as you glare at her.

~An hour Later~

You walk into the garage hoping to find Luke or even one of the guys hanging out, but it was completely empty. After looking around for a bit you decided to leave and come back later. But just as you were about to leave you, hear two feet hit the ground.

“Hey, looking for Julie?” Luke says as your turn around.

“Uh, no, actually I was looking for you,” You say looking at your feet. 

“Oh uh, what’s up?” Luke asks.

“I don’t know if this is too much to ask but ummm, Julie was thinking that I could open up for your guys’ show in a few hours and I kinda need help finding a tune to some lyrics I wrote. Julie thought you could help,” You say.

“Wait you sing? Why didn’t you tell us?” Luke asks excitedly.

“Yeh, I don’t usually play outside of school or my room anymore,” You say.

“Well, it’s not much to ask and I’d be glad to help,” He says and sits down next to you on the couch.

“Thanks,” You say and pull out your notebook.

“So that’s your lyric book,” Luke says.

“Yes, and you promise not to peek at any other songs after showing you?” You ask and Luke nods. You flip to the page of the lyrics for the song you’re gonna play. “Here’s the song. I uh wrote this a while back when uhh, I was finally feeling like myself again after my dad passed. It’s called Sunflower,” You say hesitantly.

“I’m sorry,” Luke says as you can feel his eyes trained on you. He clears his throat, “So let’s see what you have,” Luke says and you pass your notebook to him. “This is great,” He says after finishing.

“Thanks, I play the guitar, mostly acoustic,” You say and pick up your guitar. 

Luke reads the first few lines of lyrics trying to figure out a good tune, “From dusk til dawn,” Luke mumbles reading through the first verse. He grabs the guitar from your hands and starts to strum some chords. “So here’s what I think,” Luke says and starts to play chords while singing your lyrics. 

“That’s great and what do you think if I stung this note out a bit,” You say taking back the guitar and playing the chords back while singing. 

“You have an amazing voice,” Luke says as you finish singing.

“Thanks,” You chuckle. The two of you sit for the next few hours creating a tune for your song.

“Ok, so this is what we have. Not like we can change it, the show is in 2 hours,” You say. You start to play the chords and sing. You expected to Luke join in like he normally would but he just sat there watching you sing. “So I guess that’s it,” You say after finishing the song. 

“It’s great! You’ll do amazing, I know it!” Luke smiles at you. You couldn’t help but think about what Julie said earlier, and Luke’s cute smile wasn’t helping. 

“What’s going on here?” Reggie asks. The two of you scoot away from eachother.

“I was just helping Y/N with a song, “ Luke says.

“Y/N sings?” Alex questions.

“Yeh I do, Julie wants me to open for you guys tonight. Luke was j-just helping me put a tune to my lyrics,” You say.

“Can we hear it?!” Alex asks excitedly. 

“I’m gonna leave that for the show,” You say.

“But guys, I promise it’s amazing! Y/N’s amazing,” Luke says as you chuckle. You feel chills move throughout your body at the comment Luke made. 

“Hey, guys! Ready to set up?” Julie asks walking in. She smiles seeing that you had actually asked Luke for help.

“Yeah,” The guys respond. You help Julie set up the equipment before heading inside to get ready for the show. 

“So, how was it with Luke,” Julie asks looking in her closet.

“It was good,” You respond.

“Just good? Come on, I need details girl,” Julie stops her task.

“Ok...fine. Luke is as good as you say in finding tunes. And he was very helpful,” You say.

“Really? I mean like did you feel something? Like a connection?” Julie asks.

“Julie,”

“I’m serious. You didn’t hear from me but I know Luke likes you. He just doesn’t know how to say it,” 

“Wait really?”

“Ah Ha! So you do like him,” 

“Me questioning if he likes me does not prove that I like him,”

“If I know Y/N and I do. I know when she likes someone. And you like Luke. I promise I won’t say anything,”

“Fine will you get off my back if I tell you how I really feel about Luke?”

“Promise,”

“Okay. He’s a great guy. And I can tell he’s really passionate about his music and that he loves playing. He’s also really sweet, cute...and stupidly annoying,” You chuckle.

“If I didn’t know better a certain someone likes Luke,” Julie smiles.

“Yes, your hunches were right,” You smile.

“Hey, you guys ready?” Luke says popping his head through Julie’s door.

“Uhh… yeah. We’ll be down in a bit,” You say.

“Cool. Y/N you’re gonna do amazing. And Julie we’re gonna kill it,” Luke says and leaves.

“I really hope he didn’t hear any of that,” You bury your face in your hands a few seconds after Luke leaves and Julie chuckles. You and Julie finish getting ready and head downstairs where Flynn was waiting. 

“You ready, Julie?” Flynn asks.

“Yes. But there’s a slight change of plans. Y/N is gonna open up for us so you’ll just have to introduce her first,” Julie explains.

“Yesss….I’ve been dying to hear you sing again,” Flynn squeals. The three of you make your way to the garage. You, Julie, and the boys prepare for the show. You find yourself shaking as soon as you hear Flynn speaking over the speakers. 

“Hey. Hey. You got this. Your song is amazing and you’re gonna kill it. If I could give you a big ‘good luck’ hug right now I would, but--” Luke says as his hand passes through yours. 

“It’s ok. Just...some jitters,” You say right before Flynn says your name. You make your way to the front of the garage. 

“Hi, I’m Y/N and I’ll be opening for Julie and the Phantoms,” You say and get ready to sing. You look up to find Luke standing in the front of the crowd and he gives a big smile, “You got this,” He says. 

You start off with the chords Luke played. As you continued to play and sing you felt like you were home again. Like you were meant to play in front of people and share your music. Once you finished, you headed out and let Flynn introduce Julie and the boys. You watched as they played “Edge of Great” and couldn’t be happier to watch them all do what they love most. After the party ended you found yourself staying the night at Julie’s. 

“Hey, can I talk with Y/N alone?” Luke asks as Julie is putting away a few things and the boys are hanging out.  They all nod and start to head out. As Julie leaves, you see her giving you a smirk like she knew what was gonna happen.

“What’s up?” You ask Luke as soon as everyone cleared out. 

“I just wanted to say you did amazing and that you should perform more,” Luke says giving a nervous chuckle after.

“Thanks, you guys did great too. I mean it was your show,” You say. A few moments of awkwardness passed. “Was that all?” You ask.

“N--No. I--I--” He hesitates.

“I know you like me,” You blurt out. After the fact, you realize what you had said. “I didn’t mean to say it like that, Uh,” You say nervously.

“Y/N, you’re an amazing songwriter and an even more amazing person. And yeh, you--you’re right I do like you. And I know we can’t exactly touch each other and I’ve been dead for 25 years, but that doesn’t change how I feel about you,” He says.

“Luke. I don’t really care that you’re a ghost. I feel the exact same way. And yeh it’s a little weird to say I like a ghost, but one day I feel like you’ll really be in front of me and I’ll really get to touch you,” You say.

“I umm wrote this song. It’s actually about you, “ Luke says and picks up his guitar. He starts to play the chords and sing. 

“I love it,” You say after he finishes. You hear a clap from outside the garage doors and you quickly shoot a look and see three heads quickly move down. 

You get off the couch and open the doors, “We’re you guys really eavesdropping?” You ask.

“How did it go?” Julie asks hesitantly.

“Does ‘alone’ really mean nothing to you guys?” You ask.

“If you guys really want you to know...it went great,” Luke says and smiles at you.

“Hey, you guys can’t blame us for wanting two of our friends to get together,” Reggie says putting his hands up in defense.

“You guys are seriously ridiculous,” You say and walk out of the garage.

[thisnoodlewritesao3]

AAA HI IM HERE FOR THE LATE EVENT😙😙 COULD PLS HAVE KAGEYAMA + WITH THE AU WHERE "Everyone is born with a unique number only they and their soulmates have" + ANGST TO FLUFF PLS 🥺🥺 THAK YOU FOR LETTING ME DO THIS LATE I APPRECIATE YOU AND LOVE YOU MWAH HAVE A GOOD DAY DARLING

Okay, so, I sort of went on a wild one with this one. And I hope you like this because ya know, it is definitely angst and there is some fluff, but it was getting so long and it’s already like nearly 2k words i think. lemme check. yeah, 1.7k words. omg. i did love this little story i made so i hope you do skjfhdskjfhsdfsdkf

----

Life, for you, was perfect.

In a world of soulmates, you were one of the lucky few that had actually managed to meet your destined other half. 

You met Fujinaga Souta when you were 8 years old - barely a second year in elementary school - you’d transferred to his school a few weeks into the year, when friend groups had been established and you were left to try and find a place where you could be.

It wasn’t like you were sitting in the seat next to him, and he picked up a pen you’d drop on the ground. It actually wouldn’t be until you were 10 years old that you’d ever talk to him.

Because Fujinaga Souta felt like he was a thousand miles ahead of you, so close yet so out of reach in everything he did. He played volleyball so beautifully, setting with ease and wonder that you couldn’t help but be captivated by him. You had a crush with a boy who didn’t know you existed, and back then it felt okay, because you could always imagine what it felt like to hold hands with him. When his blue eyes found yours, you’d melt, and feel the warm spread to your cheeks before turning away. Black hair that dangled in front of his eyes.

A small group - including him and you - were talking one day, and he started complaining about the way his hair fell in front of his eyes. Being the person you were, you offered a clip to keep it out of his eyes. Being the person he is, he accepted.

It was at that moment he finally paid attention to the numbers that traced along your jaw. 539268. The ones that matched his own perfectly. He almost screamed, pushing your head to the side so he could get a closer look and ensure he wasn’t reading it wrong (you’d complain later in life that this is where your neck problems came from, but you both knew it was from your posture). After he was done pointing and rambling, he pulled down his sock to reveal the numbers on his ankle. 539268.

You almost fainted. It was strange. Your friends exclaimed how lucky you were - because he was a popular boy, loved by so many.

You were 11 when you found out he was your soulmate.

When you told your mother, she immediately set up a celebration; you couldn’t have been more embarrassed, but Souta made it feel like the most normal thing in the world.

Souta was your world. That’s why when he started to get sick, you were by his side as often as you could be. Each day at school would be filled with messages you’d send to him about things you would do when he got out of the hospital.

Only he never got out of the hospital.

On February 16th, 2012, Souta passed away.

Ripped from your arms before you’d gotten a chance to live.

You spent so many months locked away in your room, crying and screaming from the physical pain losing him had caused you. Your only solace was the pile of shirts his mother had let you have because she recognised how painful it was to lose someone who would be the one to know you better than you knew yourself.

The first time you visited his grave made your soul weaker and you could only cry as you clawed at the dirt.

The first day at your high school - which you started months later than most - was like hell. Everyone had heard of you, of the girl who lost her soulmate. They offered empty condolences that you had to pretend made things better.

The first friend you made - a sweet girl named Yachi Hitoka - didn’t pretend she knew what it felt like. In fact, she didn’t even make you talk about Souta at all (for that, you were grateful). She filled up your world with notes and studying, a pleasant distraction from a world outside of your own.

Your friendship with Yachi remained in the classroom, but that was fine by you. She had her own worries and troubles.

A few months in, and you weren’t crying as much anymore. Your heart still yearned for his touch, but you found some love in visiting his grave and telling him about your days, hoping that, by some miracle, he could still hear you.

The first time you see someone that looks so much like him, you’re sure you’re hallucinating that it sends you back into a spiral.

Kageyama Tobio. That was his name. The one you’d silently curse when you saw him in the halls; the one that made you move further away from Yachi when you learnt she’d been tutoring him; the one that looked so much like your soulmate it opened up the tear in your heart.

It wasn’t like you had to interact with him, you didn’t, he wasn’t in your class, wasn’t in your club, you didn’t have anything in common with him. Not until you walked to the vending machine one lunch and stood for too long trying to work out what to get and heard his gruff voice, “can you hurry up?” He grumbled.

You didn’t even take the time to glare over your shoulder before you chose milk, just because it was easier - that, and it was the last carton and something about the blue on it made you think of Souta again. How were you supposed to know that milk just happened to be this boy's favourite drink? You weren’t.

That wasn’t the last run in you would have with Kageyama Tobio - much to your demise - it only got worse through your second and third years, where your visits to Souta’s grave became more filled with anxiety about your future.

It isn’t until one Summer day during your second year that you seem an all too familiar face standing next to Souta’s grave (or the one next to it).

You try your best to ignore Kageyama as you kneel down in front of your soulmate's grave, but his eyes seem to find you immediately. “Do you mind if I talk?” You ask, not looking up at him for fear you might break. He didn’t answer, so you took matters into your own hands.

You talked to Souta about this week. About how you visited his family the day before and how his mom said you were growing to be a lovely young woman. About how you hadn’t cried this week, and you were proud of yourself. You told him that nothing exciting had happened since he was gone, and that the world seemed to lose more colour with each passing day.

You were talking without realising you had someone actually listening.

“Does that help?” He asked without thinking. Maybe he made a mistake, because the light in your eyes seemed to flutter out, but you answered him nonetheless.

“I guess so, although I’m not doing it to help.” You sighed, brushing your fingers over the petals on the flowers placed there by someone. “I’m doing it because I love him, and he deserves to hear this. To talk to me. Ya know?” And he nodded as if he understood - but you knew he didn't.

That was the start of a small arrangement with Kageyama Tobio. Once a week, he’d show up at the graveyard (not just because you were there, but also because that was where his grandfather was buried). You’d both talk to your respective people, and it was nice.

You stopped seeing Kageyama as a wrong version of Souta and started seeing him for himself.

One day, near the end of your third year, you somehow end up arguing with Kageyama. “Yeah, well, you hated me for no reason all throughout my first year.” He bit back at a comment you made and you shoved your hands into your hair gripping the roots (why is the only thing you can think is how your Souta would never act like this).

“I didn’t hate you!” You cried back.

“Then what was it?” He hissed.

You wanted to explode, everything hurt all over again.

“You reminded me of him. Of Souta.” You said, hoping he wouldn’t ask for an explanation.

“But I’m not him, so how?”

That was enough for you to realise that Kageyama had never seen what Souta looked like. He wasn’t aware of the fact that he was the spitting image of your soulmate. So, as you’re rummaging through your bag for a picture you kept on you, you start explaining to him. “Because Souta was sweet, and kind, and considerate, and loving.” You say, and you can tell he’s confused. “And you’re sweet but blind, kind but dense. Not quite as considerate and loving, but you try even when it doesn’t look like you are.” You sigh, ignoring the pang of pain in your heart. “You play volleyball - a setter - and you play it so effortlessly. You remind me of him in every single way without knowing it, but I know it and it hurt me. It still hurts me. Because how am I meant to feel when I look up at you and somehow stopped seeing him and started seeing you?” You ask, though you aren’t really asking him. It’s a general question.

You manage to find the picture and pass it to him. His reaction speaks a thousand words, the way his eyes widen because this boy does look like the spitting image of him and he can see why you were hurt by him.

He explains that he didn’t understand what the big deal about soulmates was until he met you. That the reason he’d never really cared about that was because he was born without a soulmate mark (you traced the numbers on your jaw); he had to be like the many who just had to make their own soulmates, but he’d never even have the option to meet a soulmate. You almost felt ashamed. He told you you didn't need to feel ashamed.

That night, as you sat watching a movie to forget about the argument, you’d experience your first kiss with a boy that wasn’t your soulmate. You didn’t feel any guilt about it. Because you knew Souta would want you to be happy.

You and Kageyama had a rocky friendship; your relationship wasn’t any easier. But you made it work. Because soulmates normally don’t get to meet, but you can make soulmates with enough time and care. And, luckily for you, Kageyama was willing to give all the time in the world to you (as long as you didn't get in the way of volleyball, but you normally didn’t).

----

General Taglist:

@pies-writes-and-more @satan-ruler-of-hells @dekuspet @samkysnks @lucyheartfilias-wife @kaleidoscopekai

If you would like to be added to the taglist, send me a DM or an ask :D

[kirby-the-gorb]

reply roundup!

highlights:

new favorites post is publicly available on [patreon]!

[preview] for next month’s phone wallpaper is up!

a bit of a short one today.

on [prophecy]:

@ceylonsilvergirl​ said: Why is it never being right about awesome things?

to be fair I am also often right about good things, just not so much the past couple months lol

@jupiterlandings​ said: Apollo leave my boy ALONE or I swear I will bring Marx back so he can make the mooon kick the suns trash again

lol I suppose that is in fact a solution kirby has available

on [butterflies]:

@hobgirl​ said: oh to lie in the grass and look at butterflies. unfortunately butterflies keep trying to land in my hair like some fairytale princess shit, but i was warned as a child that touching butterflies can kill them specifically bc the scales on their wings are very delecate and u can take them off just by touching the wings, and thatll make it impossible for them to fly. so now i get spooked when butterflies get close to me cause what if i accidentally kill it????

omg that sounds so stressful. I’m pretty sure they’re not quite that delicate, if it helps. so gently waving them away or setting them somewhere else should be fine. (I did a quick search and it looks like researchers actually scrape the scales off on purpose in the tagging process, so I guess they can still live and fly without some of their scales!)

@northeasternwind​ said: ah yes. all yellow. no red or orange to be seen. can relax. c:

I thought about it but I decided they should all be regular butterflies XD

on [woo]:

@hobgirl said: woo! re the tags im very happy for you tumblr user kirby the gorb!! its very unfair that we need money to live and its nice to hear you wont need to worry about it as much. not re the tags anymore EYE am going to use this woo! as a preemptive celebration for finally cleaning my apartment, cause its a whole mess and now that my girlfriend is gone for the month ive lost all motivation to keep it clean. but i will!! today i will!!!!

thank you! and I hope your apartment made it to a more comfortable state! (I actually get more cleaning done when my wife isn’t home, cuz I know the noise and disruption can’t bother her if she’s not here XD )

on [sweater]:

@ceylonsilvergirl said: one time my family went into The City (I was a young teen at the time) it was summer but all of us forgot that SF evenings, even in the middle of summer, are cold as hell. so my parents quickly bought us souvenir sweaters to keep us from dying, and mine was an oversized yellow sweater with SF emblazoned across the front in yellow thread. I wore that damn thing every single day, just on top of whatever it was that I was wearing. I hadn’t thought about that in years. funny how memories live in your brain whether you realize it or not

oh wild I wonder how common it is to get so attached to a desperation sweatshirt cuz I had one too! I was at some Nerd Competition (destination imagination, to be specific. do they still do that one?) on the other side of the state towards the end of middle school and it was absolutely dumping rain, but my whole team was just left to run loose until it was time for our presentation so of course we were outside climbing retaining walls the whole time. and I’m this tiny waif child and I’m soaked to the bone and it was just a day trip so I didn’t bring any extra clothes, but it was late into the day so when my mom went to buy me a Branded Sweatshirt to change into they only had plus size ones left, it was like a 2x or something. and then I wore it nearly every day for years, to the point where it got so ratty and full of holes they bought me a replacement in the same color and size (with an osu logo instead).

on [braces]:

@ceylonsilvergirl [added] a speech bubble that says “My mom says if I clean my room I can get a bearded dragon for my next birthday. Did you hear the ice cream man? Let’s go ride bikes to the park. I only need to save up five more dollars then I can get the new Mario game. Who do you think is faster, the flash or sonic?. Do you like Pokémon?” and said: Kirby is like a little kid. but Kirby is braces is like an older kid

oh absolutely, braces-kirby totally has the vibe of one of those like pre-teen/early teen kids that is just So Full Of Thoughts and they badly need to share All Of Them

on [peek]:

@ceylonsilvergirl [added] a speech bubble with a drawing of an ice cream cone

he saved up his allowance for this! he wants two scoops!

@theraphos said: me at the sandwich counter

“and extra meat and cheddar and provolone and no peppers and extra lettuce and--”

[glassartpeasants]

Distraction

Shigaraki x F!Reader

Warnings: Angst, fluff and death

A/N: For the sake of the story you are from a different country other then Japan. I finaly had the damn inspration to finish this. I’m gonna do another one after this, the only reason im posting this is because it was already 2/3 done. No lie though i kinda hate it :/

~~~

“Tomura.” You said in your annoyed voice. Ever since he got that fucking game, he’s been playing it nonstop and has completely ignored you existence.

“Tomura I love you .” Nothing.

“Tomura I’m pregnant.” Nothing.

“I’m breaking up with you.” Still nothing. You weren’t actually gonna break up with him but you wanted at least for him to look in your direction.

You let out a huff and crossed your arms. You were starting to get angry. And thats fair! 

You sit up from your spot on the bed and put on socks and shoes before walking out of his room.

“Miss (y/n), you seem to be frustrated right now. Is it Shigaraki Tomura?” Kurogiri spoke as you sat at the bar contemplating your life choices.

“Ever since he got that dumbass game he’s been ignoring me Kurogiri! He got that game a week ago and has only left his room for food, water and to go to the bathroom. I want to burn the damn thing. He hasn’t even talked to me in 3 days! Not a single peep.” You said anger in your voice but a bit of pain was also noticeable.

“I see. Well in my opinion...get back at him.”

“You mean ignore him like he’s been ignoring me?”

“Preciously.”

“I like the way you think Kurogiri.” And with that you left the hideout.

~~~

You sat on your bed in your own apartment with a peanut butter and jelly sandwich in your hand as you watched cooking shows, wishing you could do the same thing.

And then that’s when your phone rang.

You immediately thought it was Shigaraki but only sighed when it was your mother. You put down your sandwich, paused your show and picked up the phone.

“Hey mom, what ya need?”

“I need you to come home.”

“What why?”

“It’s your grandma..” You let out a gasp in shock. Your grandma wasn’t doing well after your grandfather died. She always seemed to be in and out of the hospital. You felt tears prickle the corner of your eyes as you held a hand over your mouth.

“She’s super sick and the doctors think she’s not going to make it much longer. For the sake of seeing her on last time please come home.”

“Of course! I’ll start packing right away!”

“Okay, I’ll call you tomorrow. Love you.”

“Love you too.” And with that you hung up the phone and started packing immediately. You grabbed your suitcases off of your closet shelf and begun frantically putting in clothes and other things.

You opened your computer and booked the next flight to (random country). The flight was going to be in 2 days so you had to make sure everything was ready in that amount of time. The agonizing fear of something happening to your grandma made you forget all about Shigaraki.

~~~

The day of the flight

You look at your phone as you sit at the airport, waiting for you plane to be seated.

“All people going to (random country please start boarding the plane.” You shot up from your seat and immediately walked over towards the boarding area.

Still completely forgetting to tell shigaraki.

~~~

4 days after you left

Shigaraki sighed as the screen turned a colorful hue with the words your won on the screen. After 2 and a half weeks of gruesome playing he finally beat the game.

“Hey (y/n) I finally-” He turned around to look for you so he could tell you his achievement, only to find you were no where in sight.

“-beat it?” He shot up from his chair and walked into the bar his head snapping from left to right in hopes of finding you.

“She’s not here Shigaraki Tomura. She hasn’t been here for about a week.” Kurogiri said as he polished his glasses.

“What do you mean she hasn’t been here in a week?”

“Well considering you were ignoring her for that game you got, my best guess is that she’s at home.” Shigaraki felt anxiety creep up and worry also consuming his body. What if you realized you were way out of his league and dumped him. He only sighed as he grabbed his sweatshirt and made his way over to your house.

~~~

The weather was slowly getting worse and worse by the minute. He oh so wished he would have checked it before going outside considering he was now drenched from the pounding rain.

 He let out at sigh of relief once he saw your car in the driveway of your home. At least you would be there so he could apologize.

He went up to your door and did the secret knock you both had for each other.

Nothing. He did it again.

Nothing.

Shigaraki started to tremble a bit as he took the key fro under your place mat and opened the door only to see no signs of you being there. 

He looked high and low trying to find you with no success. He finally went to your room to find almost all of your clothes gone your bed unmade, and a single piece of paper on your nightstand.

He grabbed said paper with two finger only to feel his heart drop right out of his chest.

‘Leave at 9am tomorrow for (random country)’

So you really did leave him huh? Shigaraki dug his phone out of his pocket and went to call you only to realize that you had shut your phone off. His hands shook as all his fingers touched the phone causing it to crack and decay.

“She’ll be back! It’ll be okay Shigaraki..” Shigaraki told himself as he hugged himself falling to his knees silently prayed you would come back and not leave him all alone.

~~~

The days went by as you sat by your grandma holding her hand as you teared up.

“No need to cry (y/n), I’ll be okay.” Your grandma said to you smiling weakly. You put her hand to your forehead and just held it there.

You couldn’t help the tears streaming down your eyes as you saw them fall to the ground.

“Do you have someone you love (y/n)?” Her question startled you as your tear stained eyes look at her.

“I remember your mother talking to me about a guy you met who you said you were absolutely in love with. But you haven’t spoken a word about him since you came here.” You never told your mother Shigaraki’s name but you did tell her how madly in love with him.

“We’re having some issues right now... but lets not talk about that. Lets try to focus on happy things.”

“Sweetie, things happen. Everything will turn out alright i promise.” You looked at her through tear stained eyes as you held her hand a bit tighter.

Thats when you heard the beeping.

You look up at the heart monitor and saw the flat-line. You started crying profusely as you were taken out of the room while they tried to get her heart back up. But it was too late.

You cried out to your grandma before being taken by the hand by your mother and pulled into a constricting hug causing you to let out more tears.

~~~

You stayed at your home country for another week before setting off to Japan again. You wanted to stay longer but the pain you felt in your chest was too painful to stay there as everything reminded you of her.

~~~

You open you apartment door and close it with a sigh only to see that your apartment was completely trashed.

“WHAT THE ABSOLUTE FUCK!” First your grandma died and now your house was robbed? 

You were shaking in anger and sadness as you fell to your knees, hugging yourself for comfort as you saw your tears making a little wet spot on the carpet below.

You take out your phone to call your friend only to see a number you haven’t seen in awhile.

Tomu <3

Your eyes widen as you look at his number realizing he had been trying to contact you almost ever since you left a month ago. You slap yourself remembering that you haven’t even texted him that whole time cause you were to focused on your grandma that you completely forgot about him.

You felt terrible.

“Oh my god! I haven’t even tried to text or call him! Oh no my poor Tomu...” Which only gave you another reason to cry.

You picked up the phone and pressed his contact to start a call. Your shaky hands holding the phone to your ear waiting to be cussed out and waiting to be dumped. It was only fair. You left for a month and never even told him where you were going.

Almost in a instant the phone was picked up and on the other side you heard hiccuping and a watery voice.

“(Y/N)...is that you?” His gravely voice asked.

“Im so sorry for not contacting you! I-” Before you could finish a purple warp gate showed up in your apartment right in front of you before shigaraki jumped out and tackled you to the ground. The warp gate closing behind him.

Shigaraki grabbed your face leaving dozens of kisses of your tear stained cheeks before hugging you. Bringing you close to his chest as he snuggled his face in your shoulder crying into it.

“I thought y-you left m-me...” He sobbed into your shoulder. You hug him back running your hand over his shaking figure.

“I’m so sorry baby...I..My grandmother died and i turned off my phone so i could focus on her. I should have told you. I was just so worried and...” You cried, both of you hugging one another as if your life depended on it.

“I’m sorry for ignoring you when i got my game...” He whispered as he peppered your neck in kisses.

“Im sorry for not telling you.” You sighed peacefully as you ran your hands through his hair as you try to calm him.

“Just please don’t leave me again...I don’t think i could handle it...”

“I’m not going anywhere.”

[pizzaboat]

I kinda wrote a mom eda fic, cause I wanted to try writing. This is like the first fic I've ever writen so keep in mind it's not gonna be perfect.. but I'm happy how it turned out.. so here!

Some honesty before breakfast

To say Eda had noticed something off with her apprentice, would be an understatement. 

Luz's cheery attitude had all but disappeared for the past two days, and instead had been replaced with a quite sadness that followed the girl wherever she went in the house. Her smiles seemed forced, never quite reaching her eye's, lacking the warmth and joy they usually had.

Eda knew she should have seen this coming, the slow change in luz's demeanour. The portal had been destroyed a month ago, but she'd been too caught up in mourning the loss of her magic, processing the cluster fuck that had been the last few months and adjusting to her older sister taking up residency in her shed, she hadn't noticed.

She should have acted sooner.

Because Eda now watched Luz half heartedly engage in her and King's infamous and dreaded "comedy hour" with all the enthusiasm of Lilith on hooty's cleaning day. 

"Luz, you're not paying attention!" King whined, "my food puns are genius, and not even a smirk!

"Come on, this is some of my best material!" The tiny demon added, dropping what was left of his toast onto his plate.

"Sorry king, I was paying attention" Luz assured pushing her untouched breakfast away "I was just thinking as well, that's all.."

"Sounds like not paying attention to me" He grumbled.

Sounds like a terrible cover up.

Eda finished the last of her Appleblood, pushed away from the counter she was leaning on and picked King up earning a "nyee" from him as she placed him on the floor.

"why don't you go play with your army of dolls or something?" Eda told him.

"They're my army of darkness!" He corrected "and its not playing, it's scheming. machinating if you will"

"Whatever, go do that. I need to talk to Luz" She sighed.

Luz shifted in her seat, and went to leave.

"Actually,  I have a ton of homework so-"

"Nope" Eda cut the girl off "you stay, king go" she ordered 

King muttered something about world domination as he scurried off, and Luz and Eda were left alone of the kitchen.

"So.. is this about potions delivery's?" Luz asked "because I know I haven't been doing the deliveries alot lately and-"

"Kid, what?-no, that isn't what this is about"

Luz fidgeted with the string of her hoody "then, what is this about?" 

"You tell me, you've been acting weird lately- well weirder than usual" Eda said, taking Kings seat at the table and pushing his leftovers aside.

"Its not that big a deal, really" Luz said, but the waver in her voice betrayed her.

Titan help her.

Eda sighed and rubbed her eyes "Look, I'm not an idiot kid, I know somethings up, and I know the past month has been rough. For everyone"

And here comes the emotional mush..

"I know it can't be easy" Eda continued, trying to choose her next words carefully.

"Living under the same roof as Lilith after what's happened, or adjusting to all this crap,  the portal door being destroyed.."

Titan she had no clue what she was doing. How do you comfort people?

"But I want you to know that whatever the problem is, I'm here to help. it matters if it upsets you" Eda told her "and I'll be hexed if I'll let my kid suffer in silence"

"So what's bothering you?"

They sat there for a moment. Eda wasn't sure if her lackluster attempt at reassurance had helped the girl, she searched Luz's face for any signs of what she might be thinking.

Finally, Luz let out in a shakey breath "I miss my mom"

Ah, shit. Of course, the poor kid missed her mother. She really should have guessed that.

"I destroyed the door, to stop belos and- and to save you" Luz's voice cracked " but I miss her.. y'know? .. when things would go wrong back home, she was always there, she knew what to do..." Tears started well in her eyes and spill out onto her cheeks.

Luz sucked in a breath of air " I don't know what to do..the doors gone, and it's my fault and she's probably really worried about me, and its MY fault.

"Im scared I'll never see her again. Eda, I miss my home. I miss my mom"

Of course. None of this was Luz's fault though. Not really. It was Eda's. She was the adult and should have sent her home that first day. But she was selfish and now Luz was paying the price.

"I don't regret saving you though" She continued,  and Eda blinked in surprise.

"Leaving you guys behind was never an option. being here with you and King.. its kinda like home here too" Another shakey breath.

"I know I shouldn't complain 'cause I did this to my self but-" Luz's voice cut off and gave way to sobbing.

Eda didn't know how it happened but she found herself at the other side of the table, wrapping Luz up in one of those "parallel arm" things.

She scooped the girl up easily and sat her on her lap, holding her close as Luz continued to cry. This poor kid, who'd brought so much light into Eda's life, Changed it for the better, magic be damned, was suffering and there was no way in hell Eda was going to stand back and watch her blame herself.

Luz had given up everything. 

In one of the few times where Eda felt compeled to do the right thing, Eda vowed to herself she'd make this right.

"Luz" The witch said with a softness that surprised herself "None of this is your fault, it's OK to be upset"

"it's my fault not yours, I want- no. need you to know that. I'm gonna fix this. I'll find a way to get you back home, and you'll be able to see your mom again" she said, stroking her hair.

"I promise"

Luz looked up from where she had her head buried in Eda's sweater, her eyes were red rimmed and puffey. Luz rubbed at her eyes, and sniffed.

"You promise?" Luz asked, voice horse.

Eda nodded, brushing some of luz's hair back, fixing it.

"I promise, and that's a promise from the most powerful witch on the boiling Isles, kiddo. it's a big deal, infact you should feel kinda honoured"

Luz laughed. And there it was. That smile that had been missing for so long. Eda wasn't going to let anything happen to it again.

"I kind of ruined your sweater" Luz said apologetically as she pulled away.

Eda looked down at her sweater. yep. Human snot. Gross as all hell.

"Don't worry about it, I didn't like the sweater anyway"

Yes she did.

Luz jumped off of Eda's lap "how do you feel now?" Eda asked

"better" Luz smiled, rubbing her eyes still.

"Good, I can't have my apprentice's in emotional distress" eda smirked "it'd be bad for business"

"I'm your only apprentice" Luz shot back grinning.

"details" Eda waved her hand dismissively.

Eda looked at her now. She wasn't crying anymore, which was good. Eda could still see residual tears, but Luz was smiling, no matter how small it was, she was actually smiling again, and that was what mattered.

A loud definitive gurgle sounded through out the room.

"I never ate breakfast" Luz whispered sheepishly.

Luz turned back to her breakfast cereal to see it had long since turned to disgusting mush in the bowl.

"i'll eat something else.." She decided heading towards the cupboards.

Eda had an idea.

"We could make something"

Luz perked up.

"Really?!" 

"I mean, yeah why not?" Eda shrugged " I haven't eaten yet and-"

"Can we make pancakes?!" The girl asked with barely contained excitement "I can dress King up in a little chefs outfit, and we could have pancakes!"

"Um.."

"I have so much prep work to do!" Luz exclaimed as she dashed out the door.

"Kid!" Eda called

"Yeah?" Luz popped her head back in the door.

"Don't forget that if your ever worried about anything at all, you can talk to me. I meant what I said, I'm here to help"

"I know, thanks Eda. I love you" and she was gone.

Eda blinked.

"I love you too, Luz"

[wisteriabookss]

My ACOSF Review (2/5 Stars)

Please respect my opinions. Not everything I say will be praiseful or nice. While I liked a lot of this book, a lot of it frustrated and bothered me. 

This review contains spoilers. Read at your own risk. 

This review will be more of an overall impression, and I will get more in depth about certain characters in future posts. 

I eventually got into the plot of the book, but I don’t think it was as great or creative as it could’ve been. I feel like SJM recycled ideas she’s already used to create the storyline. A quest to find a magic object that can stop a war and save the world? That sentence applies to both ACOWAR and ACOSF. It’s even more disappointing when you know there were other routes the plot could’ve taken but were eventually scratched. It was the perfect set up for an Illyrian mountain setting, it was written in canon, and, unsurprisingly, SJM retconned and changed it. 

The Valkyrie plot was cool, if a bit forced and out of place. Nesta barely starts training, and all of a sudden she wants to recreate a powerful band of female warriors that we’ve never heard of in the context of this world? Honestly, it feels like SJM watched Thor: Ragnarok, and was like, “Yes, that’s what I’m gonna do.” I thought Helions winged horses would come into play with that, but I guess we’ll have to see.

I thought the Blood Rite plot was gone, but we got it in the end, even though it was rushed. The most beautiful parts of the book happened during the Rite, so I’m glad we got to see those.

The ending of Briallyn was so swift I literally had to go back a page to make sure I read it right. Literally one page, and she’s killed. I expected more. I can’t say I'm surprised by how rushed her death was when I knew the Feysand trouble was approaching, and the number of pages left was getting smaller. There wasn’t a doubt in my mind that SJM would save Rhys, Feyre, and their baby. Out of the entire ensemble in Kingdom of Ash, she only had the heart to kill Gavriel, who wasn’t too much of a main character. There was no way in hell she would do that to Feysand. 

I’m sorry, but I do not like the name Nyx. Imagine calling someone Nyx? Did she originally have it as Nick, but just needed to put an X? My eyes were rolling so hard when I read it. Just put an ‘O’ in front of it and end our misery, though I still would’ve rolled my eyes at that name too. The name just reminds me of all the blogger moms who put X’s in their child’s names for dramatic effect that ends up looking like they can’t spell.

I also didn’t appreciate the out of touch colloquialisms in this book either. Prythian doesn’t have a name for anxiety, depression, or PTSD, but they know what lactic acid means?

The amount of sex in this book was something we had been warned to expect, and I think due to the fastness of me reading this book (finished in two sittings), it made it feel like the sex was happening every other page, which it basically was. I’m not going to be mad though because a) it was well written, b) I didn’t feel like it harmed the plot too much, and c) this is the only Nessian smut we’re going to see in canon. But that threesome line with Az. . . y'all know which one I’m talking about. . . the one with the details about certain positions. . .  chile um anyways let’s move on. 

I called it months ago that Emerie would either be Mor or Azriel’s love interest, and looks like it’s going to be Mor. SJM’s writing is fairly predictable, especially when it comes to romantic ships, and she couldn’t have been more obvious about the two of them. I will write about Gwyn and Azriel in Azriel’s chapter review (cause that monstrosity needs a post of its own).

Now about Nesta’s healing arc. Some of it was satisfying and others were saddening. I’m happy that Nesta was able to find purpose in her life, and not believe herself to be worthless or pathetic, but strong and powerful. I’m happy she found Gwynn and Emerie; I love their friendship. I love how they stuck by each other no matter what, and saw the good and potential in one another.

However, even by the end of the book, Nesta still thinks herself as undeserving. Of Cassian, of love. She knows she has it, and she's so grateful for it, but she still believes she is undeserving of it, that Cassian is just so much better than her. A part of learning to love and live with yourself is knowing what you deserve, so why SJM took that from her character, I don’t know. I was continuously disappointed when said she was undeserving of anything, even after she had learned and grown from her mistakes. 

Maybe SJM thinks the belief of being undeserving of one's partner is romantic. I’m telling you now, it’s not. All that does is give unnecessary power to a person you believe you are undeserving of, and this leads to unequal power dynamics in a relationship. Rhys was the exact same with Feyre, so I’m guessing it's a theme.

Speaking of romantic themes, the repetition of the “your mine-im yours” line in this book was nauseating. Your going to make Nesta say the exact same thing her sister said when they had sex? Is there nothing else SJM could’ve come up with? It’s just so weird. And I swear to god if I see Elain do the same thing I’m gonna vomit. 

Nesta apologized to Cassian about what she said to him on Solstice in ACOFAS as if he never called her unlovable. As if he never said he didn’t understand why her sisters love her. He never apologized for that. There was so much apologizing from Nesta to Cassian about her calling him a brute, as if Cassian didn’t say he was “shackled” to her after she clearly explained how she feared she would lose her humanity if she accepted the word mate. Not if she accepted him, but the word. 

For Cassian to routinely tell Nesta to, “shut her fucking mouth,” when she used some attitude against Rhys was comical. Rhys has been bad mouthing and disrespecting Nesta this whole time, and when she shows some warranted attitude in return (not even an insult), Cassian rips into her. It doesn’t matter what he did for you, babe. Not everyone has the same experience with Rhys, so Cassian getting angry when Nesta showing anger at the way she was being treated was wrong. Her experience with him does not become invalidated just because Cassian has a good relationship with him.

There wasn’t a character arc for Cassian, which was one of the most disappointing parts of the book. He thinks of himself as inferior and undeserving as well, and by the end of the book it’s not even clear if that stance has changed. We saw him grow into the courtier persona in the meeting with Eris when Tamlin shows up, but we never see it again. I know there were instances in which he stood up for Nesta, but he also very quicky after that became silent in other moments when they were insulting her. The next book isn’t in his pov, but I’m hoping we see him become more confident in himself and make a firmer stance to protect Nesta (although I doubt he’ll need to seeing as how Rhys kisses the ground she walks on now).

Now onto Nesta’s apologies to the IC. I think Nesta apologizing to Feyre was expected, and I’m glad the sisters had that moment. I am, however, upset that there was never a moment where all the sisters sat down, and hashed it out. Talked about what they’d been through, how it affected them, and how it affected their feelings toward each other. After everything that happened between Nesta and Elain, all that hurt, you’re telling me all it took was Nesta to make Elain laugh by saying “fuck you,” and we’re good? It’s lazy writing. 

Elain telling Nesta that she only cared about how her trauma affected her did not sit right with me. Nesta sat by Elain’s side for weeks when she was in the thick of her struggles, and refused to leave her alone for fear that her struggles would eat her up alive. She constantly looked for anything that could help her sister, and never left her unprotected. Nesta and Elain didn’t communicate after the war, for reasons that we now know was because of Nesta’s guilt for Elain being kidnapped. It is not abnormal when a family member has been traumatized by things that have happened to another family member. That’s expected. Ask any family who has lost a child or had a relative go through something horrible.

Elain is acting as if Nesta has only ever been concerned with herself when she’s spent her entire life concerned with Elain. I made a post long ago about how the IC only wanted Nesta to heal for their sake rather than her sake, and there’s so much more evidence for that than for Elain. Elain’s healing process was able to be understood and encouraged by the IC, whereas they had no idea what to do with Nesta. So for Elain to come at Nesta for not caring about her trauma, a second after Nesta was trying to protect her from further trauma by telling her she didn't want her seering for the Trove, was unwarranted.

Speaking about Elain looking for the Trove, what happened there? Elain had this whole speech where she said she wanted to do something and no one could stop her and then we just. . . don’t hear anything about it again? SJM had a perfect opportunity to do something powerful with Elain there, and completely threw it away. 

Nesta’s apology to Amren was extreme, dramatic, and honestly, unnecessary. Amren called Nesta a “pathetic waste of life,” constantly demeaned and degraded her anytime her name was mentioned, and said she did all this because Nesta used her as a shield against her problems and the IC. Seriously? Nesta using Amren as a shield does not warrant that kind of verbal abuse. It doesn't make her a pathetic waste of life. Amren’s been alive for how long? And reacts like that to an obvious side effect of extreme trauma? No ma'am. Nesta getting on her damn knees was too much, and obviously just another moment, like a lot of moments, that SJM felt the need to make dramatic. And then having the audacity to let Amren say to Nesta that, “the struggle with the darkness is worth it,” when she was one of those people who contributed to that darkness is disgusting.

I didn’t like Rhys at all in this book. Even after he saw inside Nesta’s mind about her experience in the cauldron, he was still wary and rude with her. Literally anytime Nesta showed that she was changing, Rhys didn’t change anything about his attitude or behavior towards her. A moment of regret, and then he’s back to being arrogant ass Rhys. Him not telling Feyre about the baby was also extremely stupid. It’s her body, her life, her baby’s life, his life, and she had a right to know what was happening. Not telling her because you didn’t want her to be “upset,” is a dumb excuse. I thought you always promised to let her make her own decisions, Rhys? What happened to that promise? The one that was a hell of a lot better than the stupid bargain ya’ll made? Though Nesta told her out of anger, good on her for telling her sister. Should’ve happened way sooner. His apology to Nesta was the only one that warranted the dramatics. That is what you get on your knees for.

That whole scene about him becoming High King had me throwing the book. Amren telling Rhys that the swords were some sort of mother-mary-cauldron-blessed-hallelujah sign that he was supposed to be High King had me fuming. It’s Nesta’s power. It’s Nesta’s sword. That should have never been a discussion. Not everything is for Rhys. These people are so blinded by their love for him they can’t even see how arrogant he is. To write Nesta giving back Ataraxia made me so angry after we just had a whole moment where we find out it means inner peace. I just hope that all of this is not foreshadowing Rhys becoming High King. I know you love him Sarah, but please don’t.

All in all, this book wasn’t too bad. There were some great moments and some bad moments. I think SJM’s biggest issue in her writing is that she doesn’t outline, or at least doesn't seem to outline, not thoroughly. I feel like she uses plot devices willy nilly whenever it’s the easiest solution. There was never a moment where I said, “that was clever!” A lot of it was cool, but not clever. Not creative. She also has a tendency to write very dramatically, in staccato type sentences where everything is made into a big moment, which bugs me a lot. 

I love Nesta. She’s still my fav, and will probably always be my fav. This book doesn’t change that, and as you can tell in my review, most of the issues I had weren’t with her behavior, but with the behavior of other characters. I still love Cassian, even though he made me want to rip my hair out sometimes.

Will I read the next books? Probably. I can’t seem to stay away from these characters or these books, so kudos to SJM for writing them. I know a majority of people have given this book 4 or 5 stars, but I can’t bring myself to give it more than 2/5.

[kari-writes-stuff]

ocean waves

words 1941

genre: slice of life, lgbt+

Ever since he could remember, Evan had wanted to be a Marine biologist.

He remembers when he first moved near the beach, the feeling of heat on his skin and wind in his light brown hair, the sun, the waves, and there was so much to explore! but most of all he remembers the little crab he had met. the second he'd seen the snapping critter he'd run up to it looking in wonder as it crawled past him and into the sea "mama look!" he'd cried. He remembered the way she smiled at him as he pointed.

"Do crabs come in different colors?"

"What do crabs eat?"

"How big can a crab get?"

He had asked questions all the way home and the more they researched about crabs not only did his interest grow but he found himself fascinated with other sea animals as well.

Clown fish, whales and octopi to name a few, he begged his mom to take him to the beach everyday and she took him every chance she got. She would always smile about it, any time he showed her his new discoveries, she would be just as interested as him, any time he had questions, she was right there to help him find an answer, she had always supported him.

He remembers starting school.

He remembers entering the classroom, being met with so many kids, they all were tanned, and a few sunburnt -most likely from playing outside all summer- he remembers being introduced, his teacher telling him to sit wherever he liked, multiple kids tried to call him over their eyes glowing in excitement. His eyes, however, strayed to the back of the class, where a kid was coloring all by himself, he was a lot paler than the others for some reason...the kid looked at him and for a second light and dark brown eyes met before he looked back down.

While all the other kids looked super fun he found himself walking towards the back.

"Hi." He whispered when he sat down looking

"uh...hi" the boy shyly replied back, his long dark brown hair hiding his face as he looked down, Evan subconsciously touched his own shorter hair, he kinda wished his own hair was that long...

"I'm Evan, what's your name?" he asked excitedly.

the kid shifted. "...Im Kade"

It was then that Evan saw Kade's drawing.

"Is that a crab?"

the boy flinched guiltily as if caught doing something bad, he shifted his paper

"uh...yeah it's a crab eating an apple." Kade said hesitantly.

"I love crabs! and apples are yummy, especially chocolate covered apples, those are my favorite" Evan exclaimed happily trying to keep his voice down.

Kade turned to look at him. "yeah, I like the ocean and apples are my favorite." his eyes shifted downwards, "my parents say its just a dumb phase though."

Evan was shocked at this, he fidgeted a little in his seat. "Well it's not just a phase for me, the ocean is cool, it's got all sorts of awesome animals like whales and dolphins, and I'm gonna be a marine biologist so I can study them all when I grow up!" his hands waved a little in the air as he said this.

Kade finally shifted to look at him "what's a marine biolatist?"

"biologist" Evan corrected " that's someone who studies plants and animals that live near the sea"

Kade's eyes lit up, and forgetting his earlier shyness he exclaimed. "That's so cool! I wanna be one too!"

but then he slouched back down, his face contorting into one of sadness again. "But I have to be a doctor, my parents said so...." he looked back at his drawing.

Evan crossed his arms. "Well my mom says you can be whatever you want when you grow up so if you want to be a marine biologist then when you grow up then we can study sea animals together!"

"...really?" Kade looked confused at the prospect of 'being whatever you wanted.'

"yeah!" Evan smiled.

and like that they were best friends, their parents liked each other too so that helped.

they would have sleepovers and playdates -almost always at Evans house- but that didn't matter Evans mom loved it when Kade came over.

Whenever Kade came they would all go to the beach or the Aquarium and play or look at the animals, and even if it was raining his mom would just set up a documentary instead, and though he was shy around Evans mom at first but he soon came out of his shell.

///

he remembers turning 15 and finally being old enough to volunteer at the aquarium, Kade wasn't allowed too, instead his parents had sent him to a private school, determined to get him a scholarship for med school, but that didn't matter, it was only three more years then he and Kade could do whatever they wanted together. and besides Evan wasn't allowed to do much at first, maybe help behind the scenes with some shows and take Supplies from one place to another, and maybe help feed the animals from time to time with supervision, but he still got to learn so much from the other workers and had fun!

When Evan got back he immediately called Kade and told him everything that happened.

"...wow that sounds...fun." Kade said, sounding a bit sad.

Evan frowned. "I'm sorry you have to be at dumb private school, i miss you."

"I miss you too."

"...but remember what I told you? once you move out you can do whatever you want, it's only three more years and then you can be a marine biologist with me right?"

"yeah...I just...." Kade sounded unsure. "Do you think they'll hate me? I mean they're spending all this money so I can be here and-"

"Kade" Evan said interrupting, they had had this conversation a lot over the years, and a while ago his answer would have been 'who cares what they think' but as his mother has explained Kade cared what they thought, they were his parents after all.

"It's your life and your choice, just because your parents want you to be something doesn't mean your required to do it, and even if you decide to become a doctor to please them, if you're not happy then technically they're still wasting their money, you still want to study sea life right?"

Kade made a small sound if agreement "then that's what your gonna do"

Kade went silent on the other line for a second before saying "yeah...yeah I guess you're right" Kade took a deep breath before letting it out again slowly.

"and until then I'll just have to volunteer for both of us!"

Kade chuckled. "thanks Evan."

Evan grinned "anytime dude" Evan looked at the clock "hey it's getting kinda late over here, but talk to you tomorrow?"

"...yeah, night."

"night."

three years passed quicker then he thought, but at the same time also agonizingly slow.

every day he'd call Kade to talk and tell him about his day, and tell him what he'd learn, and ask if Kade was doing alright and just...everything.

but still, he missed talking to best friend face to face…

finally Evan graduated high school! he was 18 and in another Month Kade would be too he was so excited!

The entire month was spent either looking at different colleges or talking to his mother about what he and Kade would do with each other.

Now, he was waiting in the middle of his room, looking at college applications, and trying to figure out which one to go to...the door opened and Evan turned his head expecting his mother to be there to ask what he wanted for dinner.

"KADE!?" and it was Kade. did he look paler then last time he'd seen him? Has his hair gotten longer?

After a moment of shock Evan quickly got up and hugged him. "But I thought you weren't coming till next week?" he said, confused.

"Yeah, my parents were gonna pay for my train ticket...but a friend said she'd do it for me, so here I am" he said, his voice happy but also holding nervous hints to it.

Evan frowned "do you know what you're gonna say to them?" Kade shook his head.

"I don't, I mean...I've thought about it but" Kade took a deep breath.

Evan hugged him again "I'll be right here with you Kade ok?"

Kade nodded "yeah."

-

"Well this is it!" Evan said, bursting with excitement as he walked into their new apartment and set his suitcase down.

"Can you believe it? we're finally going to college!"

Kade smiled slightly "yeah." he replied.

Evan's smile wavered and he walked over. "You doing ok?" he asked gently. to say Kades parents hadn't taken the news well was an understatement, that night they had decided to wait till the end of summer to tell them Kades decision and instead gone over too Kade's house to surprise them, the rest of summer went well but of course they had argued when Kade told them he wasn't going to be a doctor, he had looked almost ready to back down but Evan had just grabbed Kade's hand, told them exactly what he'd told Kade multiple times, that it was Kade's life and that the both of them had already been accepted at miami university and walked out of there.

Now a week later they were in their new apartment in Miami, Kades parents had stopped blowing up his phone and had instead grown eerily silent.

"I'm ok," Kade said, tugging at the end of his shirt a little.

"forget about them for tonight" Evan said, guessing what, or rather who he was thinking about. "Let's put our stuff away for right now, yeah?"

Kade nodded.

"Great, now let's get to work!"

and that's how college life started for them, it was fun -well as fun as school could be anyways.

They studied -or helped Kade study as Evan had already learned most of this either by himself or by his volunteer work at the aquarium, got jobs, made a few friends, met some of Kades friends.

years passed and now they were both graduating college.

"Evan Loring."

Evan walked to the platform, eyes shining as his mother cheered from where she was sitting, he looked back to where Kade was sitting waiting to be called up as well, several names were called until,

"Kade quince"

His mother cheered again, sounding just as excited as they both felt, and Kade's eyes also shined as he got his diploma and stood next to Evan.

Evan and Kade got jobs at a sea life research facility, a few years of saving up later they started their own rescue and rehabilitate Aquarium with plenty of shows about raising awareness of pollution...

///

"Will you marry me?" he asked Kade, one summer, they were at the beach, the one they grew up at, they had been dating for three years now, Kade looked at Even in surprise before smiling widely "yes."

The wedding was beautiful, and at the beach of course where else? and Kade, Kade looked amazing. there was no one else he'd rather have. His mother looked so happy.

...they had invited Kade's side of the family but...Evan pushed that thought to the back of his mind, no matter.

They had been through a lot together, but as they said their vows Evan knew there was no one else he'd rather have had by his side, both then and now.you

[thedevilliers]

A list huh? Since it's valentines day, how about a list of your fav royal simblr couples? 👀

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA theres so many ROYAL simblr couples EYE— and when this list is 4 pages long im blaming u. also included some non-romantic relationships BC WHY NOT!!!!

sofia/darien @ who else has these names™ in their story: honestly my honorary parents. if you look back at sofia/darien (did u know their ship name is lowkey Daria LIKE!!!!!! HELLO!!!!!!! meant to stan <3) they've gone through SO MUCH !!! and they have their ups and down and i just <3 i hope they are having A VERY PLEASANT EVENING 😍😍😍

minnie/henry @  cat houseofroyalsims: show me a more healthy relationship on royal simblr!! U CANT!!!!!!!! well theres one more and ill talk about it next BUT!!! they are so cute : ( AND WHEN THEY HAVE THEIR LIL FAMILY 🥺:(((((((((( any space for one more kid ?? its me : D

leo/alice @ kingdomofvellia: DUH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i cant believe i had to wait like 3 months irl for them to get engaged...THE SLOW BURN!! who else did it like this tbh. alice comedy icon too

sophie/andrei @ thevalencianroyals: OK HOLD AWN ths is not alabama valentine's day is LOVE and FRIENDSHIP and sophie is the best mom anyone could ever ask for !!!! AND LIL ANDREI !!! WENT THRU SO MUCH!! AND GUESS WHO !! WAS THEREFOR HIM!! thats right sophie🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

giselle/louis @ u know: omfg the hottest couple ANY SPACE FOR ONE MORE???????????????? they are both hot but they are also both very sweet <3 GISELLES SO PRETTY AND LOUIS TOO bebes when?????

margot/max @ the grimalldis : om a newlywed couple 🥺 i WILL believe max loves margot but if theres one thing I KNOW for sure its that margot does love max sm like dam 😳 another hot couple ive had enough. ONLY HOT COUPLES IN THIS LIST?????

belle/emery @ nina: DUH!! stan bellemery for good skin. while i loved irene very much, she made emery happy and we got ginny bc of her (thank u irene <3), belle is just *chefs kiss* and the slow burn of bellemery almost k worded me. 7 YEARS!!!!! not irl  IN THE SIMS !!!!!!!!!! i cried : ( 🥺🥺🥺

oliver/gabriel @ carmichealroyals: idk id die for these two lil bebes : ( LOOK AT THEM!! WHOLESOME!!!!! but no hannah said lets make every reader sad 😭💔 i love em

mary/edward @ thesimsroyalfam: om another couple that went thru so much :( literally mary was shot. edward was lost for like 4 months during the sim war LIKE???? WHITNEY LET THEM BE HAPPY PLEASE I BEG 😭😭😭. n they are hot

last but not least, the happiest couple. the most perfect couple. THE lich rally best couple of royal simblr no one compares to them im so sorry everyone...............................[drum roll] me and nicholas grimalldi 😍 i will now proceed to recite six hour love poetry to mr grimalldi—