#guess ill just stay up all night and see if i fucking die!!!!

[starvrat]

haha google is not helping!!!!!

chat help the hypochondria is hitting

[ametrictonofaudacity]

Gaps

Platonic Yandere Batfam x Mentally Ill/Forgetful Reader

Warning: This work is a yandere work, hopefully part of a series, as as such will contain themes of manipulation, abuse, violence and obsession. Stay safe, and enjoy!!

Your ID was missing.

You stand in the middle of your room, every drawer open and rifled through. You had gone through every bag, every purse, every wallet it might have been it. You had moved the bed, moved the couch, moved every piece of furniture that it might have fallen behind. Nothing had worked.

“Fuck..” You groan, sinking onto your couch. “Fuck, this cannot be happening. I’m so screwed.”

You had a doctors appointment coming up, to get your anxiety meds refilled, and you were already starting to run low. You had been hoping to manage, but with your ID missing and no way to find it, you were shit out of luck.

Your phone rings, and you glance down, staring at the caller ID. It was Dick.

“Hey.” You greet, trying to force the appropriate amount of cheer into your voice. The older man was nice, pleasant to talk to and attentive, but he had the irritating habit of picking up on your moods eerily well, even over the phone. That would lead to him fussing, and while you appreciated the thought, you were an adult and would prefer to be treated like one.

“Hey! Everything alright? You sound stressed, kiddo.”

“I’m fine.” You huff, putting the phone on speaker. You, for whatever reason, despised things touching your face, even phones.

“Uh-huh. What’s going on? You’re never this quiet.” Dick presses, and you press your lips together into a fine line, starting to put up your stuff. It wouldn’t do to have someone come over when you had torn apart your apartment. You may live in Gotham, but you refused to have your apartment look half as bad on the inside as it did on the outside.

“My ID is missing. Don’t have a damn clue what happened to it.” You hear Dick suck in a breath, and you curl your shoulders in, wanting to sink into the floor and die. Dick was always so nice that any time you upset or disappointed him, it was like a punch to the gut.

“(Y/N)…” He starts, and your shoulders twitch up higher, and you dig your nails into your forearms.

“I know! I can’t find it anywhere, but I know it’s in the apartment because I literally had it last night.”

“Hey, it’s alright. Me and Dami will come over, we’ll help you look, alright.”

You groan. You didn’t want them coming over, especially not both him and Damian, and seeing you so freaked out and panicked. While Damian was, you knew, extremely mature for being 14, he was also judgemental as all hell and had the very annoying habit of implying that you shouldn’t be living alone. Which wouldn’t bother you all that much, he was a kid, but Dick seemed to be of the same opinion and it drive you absolutely insane some days.

“You guys don’t have to bother, really. I’ll find it, and if I don’t find it, I’ll set something up at the DMV to get a new one.”

“Just let us come over, (Y/N). Maybe we can help you find it.” Dick wasn’t asking now, and you huff, crossing your arms.

“Fine. Just let yourselves in when y’all get here, I guess.”

You hear Dick snicker, probably at your use of the word “y’all” and roll your eyes. For someone who was nearly a decade older than you, he sure had a childish sense of humor sometimes.

“Alright. We’ll see you than.” The phone beeps when he hangs up. You set it down, an ugly knot in your chest.

“Damn it.” You had been trying, so hard, to distance yourself from the Wayne family. They were nice enough, always willing to help even if they were always busy at some point or another, but they had the irritating habit of inserting themselves into anything you did. If you went out shopping, they were somehow there. Doctor’s appointment? They somehow met you outside the office. On a date? They were at the same restaurant. You weren’t sure if it was intentional or accidental but anytime you tried thinking about it you would nearly spiral so badly you had to stop.

“Fuck.” Your chest was tight, and you snarl, frustrated at the way your heart rate was starting to pick up and your hands were starting to shake. You knew, well and good, that the likelihood of it being anything nefarious was low, the Wayne’s were reknowned for being good people, from a multitude of backgrounds. That didn’t stop the way your mind latched onto the possibility though. You tried to ignore it. Your meds had been getting less and less effective, lately.

The doorbell rings. You get up off your couch, ignore the mess, and open the door.

“Hey.” Dick ruffles your hair, and you scowl. He doesn’t seem all that put off, but you suppose he wouldn’t with Jason and Damian as his brothers.

“Hey. You know I said to just let yourself in, right? I gave you a key for a reason.” This had been early on, in knowing the Wayne’s when you hadn’t realized that giving Dick a key meant surprise visits without a call and very little warning.

“Yeah, I know. I left it at the manor, though, I was using one of Bruce’s cars and don’t have my keys.” He explains, and steps inside, not even waiting for you to open the door further. Damian follows silently, and you mentally curse the fact the kid was 14 and already your height. He was going to be so damn tall, it was almost insulting.

“Cool. As you can see, I’ve been looking for it, and..” Your hand motions uselessly. Surprisingly, Dick nods, his face sympathetic. You had expected more scolding.

“Why don’t you just go and sit down, yeah? Me and Damian can search. Did you take your meds today? Set your alarm and everything?”

“I took my meds, Dick. All of them.”

“Including the Methylphenidate?”

“Dick, if I didn’t remember to take that, I wouldn’t remember to take anything else. I took all my meds today, and not only did I take my meds, I actually went to therapy this week instead of forgetting.”

“Good. You need it.” Damian hums, rooting through the couch cushion. You begin to get up to help him, and he sends you a sharp look. You sit back down.

“When do you need your meds refilled? Did you have it in the house?” Dick asks.

“It was in the house. And I need them refilled soon. I can probably try and stretch them out-“

“Don’t. We can get you your meds if we need to, just keep taking them on schedule.” Dick rebukes, and you cringe. You didn’t doubt they could, but you didn’t like feeling like a charity case

“Dick, y’all really don’t have to do that.”

“Relax.” He huffs, standing and squinting at the drawer angrily. “I wouldn’t offer if I didn’t mean it. ‘Sides, you’ve helped me out more than a few times.”

“Yeah, by covering a shift not by buying your psych meds. These are not at all the same.” You laugh. You and Dick had met working at the YMCA in Bludhaven, and when you had moved to Gotham due to the extraordinarily cheap rent, you both had stayed in contact.

“May as well be.” Dick shrugs. “You cooking anything tonight?”

“Was gonna put some meat out to thaw.” You admit, flushing. The judgemental look Damian sends you says more than enough.

“Why don’t you come on over to the Manor to eat? I know Alfred has missed you helping him wrangle everyone together.” Dick offers, and you want to protest. What about your ID, which he had offered to help find? Wasn’t it late at night?

“Sure.” You say instead, reaching for your keys even as Dick cheers, and Damian smiles.

You can’t shake the feeling something is wrong even as you close your front door, locking it behind you, and let Dick lead you to the car.

[archangeldyke-all]

okay, wait y all

EXSEV i mean how she be, toxic? possesive? maybe none of that

maybe she gonna kiss/ fuck you so everyone knows your still hers? idk

maybe you have new partner?

if this inspires you, is nlt necessary have to be what i said, maybe she is a cry baby

but if you do i die for see sev on her knees beg to have you back.

if your comfortable, kiss

omg... OMGGG okay...

(just a quick heads up! this one has a brief scene where reader vomits, so if that is a trigger for u plz don't read!)

men and minors dni

there isn't a big fight. well, that's not entirely true. you fight it tooth and nail, but sevika stays stoic, sad, and sure. she's breaking up with you. you don't understand why.

"i thought things were good-- i thought you loved me!" you shout. you're in your pajamas, had been expecting sevika to come home and cuddle you. you never would've guessed this was coming.

she nods. "they are. i do." she says.

"so then why the fuck--"

"i don't know!" she shouts suddenly. it's silent as she gathers her thoughts. "i just can't do this anymore." she says softly.

"you can't be serious." you whisper. sevika shrugs, looking down at her feet. "what happened today?" you ask. "you-- everything was fine this morning!" sevika shrugs again, still not looking at you. you scoff.

if she had said something, she would've said that today at work she narrowly avoided a knife to her stomach. she would've said that she's never been scared to die before, but today-- she was terrified. all she could think about was your face when you'd get the news. all she could think about was how she could never hurt you like that.

if she had said something, you wouldn't have stormed off to pack a duffel bag, muffling your sobs with the back of your hand.

if she had said something, you would've stayed-- told her that you're both guaranteed to die someday, that you just wanted to spend every moment alive you could with her.

but she didn't. so you left.

sevika is miserable without you. she thought she'd just be back to her old self, the person she was before you-- grumpier, quieter, more tired.

she wasn't. she was much worse than that.

she felt physically ill each morning when she woke up without you beside her. each night, she'd lay in bed awake, her mind replaying the pathetic sobs you tried to hide from her while you packed your bags that night.

each time she comes home to an empty apartment it's like a punch to her gut. her closet is bare now, without your clothes shoved up against hers. her shelves are nearly empty-- all your knickknacks and books gone.

so she starts avoiding home. starts spending more and more hours at the last drop, nowhere near ready to return to babettes. the thought of fucking someone besides you makes her sick.

she doesn't hear from you at all.

you aren't doing much better than she is, but you're determined to avoid her at all costs. the thought of seeing her makes you cry.

about a month after the break up, you bump into her on the street.

you were walking home from the market, hands full with paper bags, trying to figure out what you were going to cook for dinner.

you bumped into someone, cursing and apologizing, cutting yourself off when you look up and your eyes meet with sevika's.

you're both shocked to silence. for a heartbreaking moment, everything feels normal again, like the two of you are walking home from the market together and sevika's stopped in the middle of the street to kiss you.

you shake your head. that's not what's happening here.

you take a step away from her. "hey, sevika." you say sadly.

her heart breaks at the use of her full name. you were the only one who ever called her 'sev.' she missed the nickname.

"hey." she grunts awkwardly. you look around, trying to avoid her gaze, and let out a spiteful laugh when you see the building sevika's loitering in front of.

"back to your girls already?" you spit. sevika freezes, looking over her shoulder at the glowing neon light of babette's.

"no i'm not-- silco's here on business."

"right." you say sarcastically, taking another step away from her. "'s this why you ended it? missed 'em that much?" you ask. "or maybe you were fuckin' 'em all along. didn't want me to figure it out."

you're spiraling right in the middle of the street, all the rage and sadness and grief boiling over at the sight of sevika.

"don't be fucking stupid. you know i'd never cheat on you." she spits. you laugh hysterically.

"yeah, well there were a lot of things i thought i knew, sevika." you say. "thought i knew you were the one." you shrug. "guess i was wrong about that, though, huh?"

you may as well have ripped her heart out through her chest. she realizes then what she's done to you, how heartbroken you truly are. she has to ball her hands into fists to keep from reaching up and brushing your tears away. she bites her tongue and reminds herself that this is what she wanted.

"have a good night." you say, sidestepping her and hitching your paper bags further up your hip. "don't forget to tip your girl."

your friends take you out one night in an attempt to cheer you up. it's been a month and a half since the breakup, and you still feel just as gutted and horrible as the night it happened.

they take you to the last drop, but only after you give it the okay. you still have sevika's schedule memorized, so the only reason you agree is because you know she'll be off tonight.

it's nice to be back. sevika's coworkers greet you with smiles and hugs, telling you they've missed having you around, asking you where you've been.

you realize that sevika hasn't told them about the breakup. it makes you furious.

"she broke up with me." you say to theriam as he whips up your usual drink order. he freezes.

"seriously?" you nod. "what the fuck'd she do that for?" he asks. you try not to burst into tears at the question, simply shrugging.

"wish i knew." you whisper. "think she got bored of me." he scoffs behind the bar.

"no way, she's obsessed with you. it all makes sense now, she's been a total bitch for like... five or six weeks now." he says. "she's been miserable." he adds. you shrug again.

"yeah?" you ask. he nods. "good." you say. he chuckles and passes you your drink, telling you to have a fun night.

you and your friends dance and drink-- and for a few hours you really do manage to feel okay again. that is, until sevika walks in.

your eyes meet across the dance floor and you both freeze. sevika feels something warm bubble up in her stomach at the sight of you, and she tries to swallow it down.

she storms to the bar to drink away her feelings, downing three shots in quick succession before ordering a drink.

you keep your eyes trained on sevika, a fact she's well aware of. she can feel your gaze on her, she's always been able to. she wonders if she should come talk to you, wonders if it would be the right thing to say hello.

she catches your eye from the bar and waves shyly at you. you roll your eyes at her but wave back anyways. she has to bite back a grin.

beside her, a woman's hand slowly snakes up her arm. she's so caught up in the sight of you she doesn't notice one of babette's girls (for the life of her she can't remember her name) draping herself over sevika until the woman's purring in sevika's ear.

"long time no see, sevika." she whispers, her tongue flicking sevika's earlobe. sevika jumps in her seat, whipping around to face the woman, then back around to face you.

you look devastated.

you look... slightly green.

sevika pushes the woman off of her as you bolt from the bar, running after you.

she finds you vomiting in the alley between bouts of crying.

"shit." she says at the sight of you. she walks over to pull your hair back from your face and rub on your back, only to be furiously smacked away by you.

"get the fuck away from me!" you cry out before another round of bile forces its way out of you. she doesn't move, and your vomit splatters on her shoes. it makes you feel slightly better.

"you okay, baby?" she asks. the petname rolls off her tongue subconciously, and she cringes when she hears herself say it.

you snap up from where you were bent over, fire in your eyes as you shove sevika away from you with both hands, hard. she barely stumbles.

"you do not get to call--"

"i know." she cuts you off. "i'm sorry. it was a mistake." she says softly.

suddenly, you're bursting into tears. you bury your face in your hands and try to compose yourself, but something about sevika's presence makes it impossible.

across from you, sevika is digging her nails into her palm to keep from reaching out and gathering you in her arms. she tries speaking.

"it's not what it looks like." she says. you laugh between your cries, shaking your head.

"none of my business anyways, you're not mine anymore." you reply shakily. with a deep breath, you pry your hands away from your face, wiping away your tears and snot.

it's sevika's turn to laugh. "don't be ridiculous." she says. you blink up at her in confusion, your eyes wide and watery, and something inside her snaps. "of course i'm still yours!" she shouts. you jump at the outburst. "i can't sleep, i can't eat, i'm a fucking mess all the time. i can't even-- i can't even step foot inside babette's, the thought of someone else makes me sick to my stomach. i can't go home either-- not without you there. you're all i ever think about, and i miss you so much it hurts!" she finishes with a shout. rage bubbles up inside of you.

"then why'd you break up with me, jackass?!" you spit out. "you did that, remember? that wasn't me, that was you. none of this is my fault-- i don't even know why it happened! you left for work one morning as the love of my life and you came home that night and dumped me! i-- you-- you fucking broke my heart," your voice cracks, "and now you're acting like it's my fucking fault!"

sevika is silent. this is the last thing she ever wanted. she broke up with you to avoid this, to avoid the horrible heartbroken look on your face, to avoid the way your hands are shaking uncontrollably by your sides. it occurs to her now, with you sobbing uncontrollably in front of her, that maybe leaving you wasn't the best way to keep you safe and happy. maybe you needed her as much as she needed you.

she thinks about it for a second, how heartbroken she would've been if you'd dumped her out of the blue with no explanation. she thinks she'd probably have gone on a murderous rampage.

oh shit, she thinks as she watches you storm past her back into the bar, i've made a horrible mistake.

sevika spends the rest of the weekend working on 'operation: win you back.' it goes something like this:

on monday morning you get to work and find an envelope stuffed in your locker. you open it curiously, it isn't signed or addressed, and you wonder if it's an old paycheck your manager forgot to give you.

inside is a five page handwritten letter from sevika. upon seeing her handwriting, you scoff and crumble the letter up, throwing it back in your locker and slamming the door.

that night, though, as you're shoving your coat on to leave for work, you can't help but slip the ball of paper into your pocket. you tell yourself it's just to take it home to throw away, but you know it's a lie.

you read it in bed that night, sobbing. the letter is unfiltered and rambling, you chuckle a few times at lines you can practically hear sevika speaking out loud in your mind.

"i think i fucked up," is one of your favorite lines, second to "i'm never going to be able to stop loving you."

the letter details everything, the near death miss you'd never known about, the way she had a panic attack in the back of the last drop afterwards, her mind imagining your heartbroken wails as you get the news she's died. she writes about how miserable she was without you, how everything seemed to get dimmer, how food lost its taste, and drinking lost its fun. she writes about realizing how much she must have hurt you, how sorry she is for being so careless with your heart.

you fall asleep with the papers pressed against your chest.

on tuesday, you wake up to someone knocking at your door, a deliveryman with a bouquet you needed to sign for.

when you take the flowers inside you open the card in the front. it simply reads, 'have a good day. S.'

on wednesday, you bump into sevika as you leave work to start your walk home. she avoids your gaze as she asks to walk you home. you say yes, heart melting at the awkward way she's rubbing the back of her neck.

"how've you been?" she asks you. you chuckle and shrug.

"goin' through a rough patch with my girlfriend, so you know. things could be better." you say.

you don't miss the grin that grows on sevika's face when you refer to her your girlfriend. she doesn't mention it, and you don't either, but you do reach out to snatch her hand into yours.

she doesn't kiss you goodbye when you get home, but she does hug you for a solid three minutes, breathing in your scent, soaking in the way you feel against her body.

god, she'd missed you.

nothing happens on thursday. at least, that's what you think until you get home and see sevika waiting outside of your front door with takeout in her hands. you raise an eyebrow at her.

"i don't remember inviting you over." you say. she shrugs.

"you don't have to let me in. just wanted to make sure you were eating right." she says as she hands the bag of food to you.

you consider her for a moment, then roll your eyes.

"come on." you say, as you unlock your door. "i don't have any whiskey but i've got some beers in the fridge."

the two of you spend the night catching up on the couch. sevika tells you all the crazy work stories she hasn't been able to tell anyone for nearly two months, and you do the same.

after a few beers, you both start talking about what went down between the two of you. sevika apologizes profusely, going into great detail on how she's going to make it up to you, how she's going to rebuild the trust she broke. you roll your eyes, trying to keep the tears from falling at her words.

"what?" she asks. you scoff.

"you're gonna make me cry again." you huff. "don't you think you've done enough of that lately?" you ask wobbly as tears start to bubble up in your eyes. sevika takes a shaky breath beside you.

"don't cry." she demands. "'cause then i'll cry." you laugh, and lean forward to bury your face in her chest.

sevika freezes for a moment, before reaching up to curl her arms around you, holding you against her as both of you cry.

you make her sleep on the couch that night, because you're still feeling a bit butthurt.

but in the middle of the night, you wake up cold and alone and acutely aware of sevika snoring twenty feet away from you. fuck it you think as you get out of bed and shuffle into the living room, nudging sevika awake.

"wha-?" she blinks awake. "you okay, honey?" you melt at the nickname.

"come on." you say, turning to walk back to your bedroom.

sevika sits in confusion for a few moments until you call for her from bed. "come on, sev!" she sprints into your room, diving into bed and giggling as she curls up in your arms.

on friday, you wake up with sevika on top of you, snoring away, right where she belongs. you breathe in the smell of her shampoo, press a kiss to her scalp, whisper sweet nothings into the top of her hair.

she wakes up somewhere between your "i love you so fuckin' much." and your "you're such a fuckin' asshole for making me pay rent all on my own."

"jus' move back in with me." she grumbles, still half asleep. you laugh.

"signed a year long lease." you say.

"so break it." she groans as she picks her head up to look at you, shuffling off your tits to lay beside you on a pillow. you turn over to face her, your noses brushing together.

"and wreck my credit? what'll happen next month when you break up with me 'cause someone shoots at you?"

it's quiet for a second, and you sigh.

"sorry. that was fuckin' rude." you grunt out. sevika shakes her head.

"it's cool, i deserve that." she says.

"it's not cool. not after last night. and this whole week. i get it, sev. i get why you did it. it just..."

"really fucking sucked of me?" she guesses. you giggle.

"yeah." you say. she smiles.

"so let me move in with you." she says with a shrug. you gawk at her. she shrugs. "i'll break my lease. i just wanna... be with you. if you'll have me."

"your apartment's half a block from your job!" you say. she shrugs. "and the shower here sucks!" she shrugs again.

"yeah, but you're here." she says easily. tears start welling in your eyes.

"okay." you huff out. sevika beams. "but i reserve the right to actually fucking murder you if you break my heart like that again." you add on. sevika grins.

"of course, baby."

you were gonna make her wait a few more days to kiss her again, but you can't keep yourself from leaning forward to kiss her breathless right then and there.

sevika's crying when you pull away.

"what's wrong!?" you ask, panicked. she giggles and pulls you in for another quick kiss before she speaks.

"nothing. i'm just so fuckin' happy you're mine again."

the two of you spend the weekend moving sevika into your apartment.

the space starts feeling like home with each box of sevika's stuff you unload.

you sleep soundly for the first time in weeks on saturday night, after sevika'd spent hours eating you out.

on sunday, she takes you out for dinner and a walk in the park. unbeknownst to you, sevika's 'win you back' plan had one final bonus step titled 'if things go well.'

you're in the middle of rambling to sevika about the book you're in the middle of reading when she stops in her tracks. you pause and turn around to look at her.

"you okay?" you ask. it's just the two of you in the park this late at night. you and a few geese swimming in the fountain pond beside you.

"i--i was gonna wait til we had a house together." sevika says. you furrow your brow in confusion. "but these past two months made it crystal clear to me that if there's ever anyone in this world who'll get me-- it's you." she says. you frown, unsure of where she's going.

"baby what--"

"and i-- you know, i'm trying to tell you my feelings now. all of them." she says. you nod, encouraging her to talk but still completely unsure of where her train of thought is headed. "so... right now-- and honestly probably for years now-- i feel like i want to marry you. and know it's probably a bad time to do this because we just broke up, but... i feel like i don't wanna wait anymore to make you my wife." she rushes out. you blink at her and she shrugs. "you don't have to--"

she's cut off by your hysterical laughter as you double over in front of her. "you're proposing!?" you gasp out. she nods in confusion. you burst into another round of laughter. "sevika!" you laugh.

"what?"

"this is a horrible time to propose! and you're not even on one knee! and you don't have a ring! you're crazy!" you say between laughs. she frowns, looking down at herself like she's just now noticing these things too. she pouts. you take a moment to compose yourself, wiping away your tears of laughter and standing back up to your full height. "you're lucky i'm fuckin' crazy for you, too." you say, leaning up to kiss her pout away.

"is-- what-- does that mean...?"

"yes. i'll marry you." you say, nodding. sevika blinks, then grins, tackling you onto the grass beneath you and kissing you breathless.

"i love you so fucking much." she says against your lips.

"i love you too." you say, giggling up at her. "good job sharing your feelings."

"yeah?" she asks you, pride shining through her voice. you grin and nod.

"definitely."

"i'm sorry i didn't do it right--"

"i don't care." you cut in. "i mean-- you're definitely getting me a ring, and a nice one too!" you say pointing up at her where she hovers above you. she nods enthusiastically. "but-- it was perfect. i mean it was horribly unromantic and i think i'm laying in goose shit right now, but it was you, you know? i'll always say yes to you." you say, grinning. sevika melts above you.

"you're the best thing that's ever happened to me." she says. you smile. sevika leans down to kiss you, not even caring that the hand she's holding herself up with is squishing a pile of shit.

hell, she'd eat shit if it meant you kept giggling and kissing her like this.

so, overall, the breakup was shit. but it ended up being one of the best things that's happened to either of you.

taglist!

@lesbeaniegreenie @fyeahnix

[barbieaiden]

1. [A month ago]

2. Jordan: Hey, Sam. How are you holding up?

3. Jordan: ...I brought you coffee.

Sam: Thank you.

4. Jordan: Do you want to go home for the night? Sleep in your own bed? I could drive you home, pick you up on my way to work tomorrow.

Sam: I think I'll stay here.

Jordan: Alright.

5. Sam: I keep thinking... [Sigh] It's so stupid.

Jordan: Go on.

Sam: I keep thinking I should call Aiden. So he can help. But obviously I can't, because... I just... I don't know what to do. Nothing feels real. It's been two days and it feels like ten years.

6. Jordan: The waiting is the worst part. I waited for my mom's death for months. You can't cope when you don't know what you're coping with.

Sam: Months?

Jordan: She wasn't in a coma, just terminally ill. For all we know Aiden might wake up tomorrow.

Sam: Or die.

7. Jordan: As much as I wish I could I can't tell you that he's going to be fine. And I can't replace him, obviously, but I am here if you need anything.

8. Sam: Thank you.

10. Aiden: Jordan, you can't tell me you spent a whole day with a man you're not interested in. That is not friends with benefits, that's practically married.

11. Kell: I'd tell you and Zach to get a room but you already have, like, a million fucking times.

Jordan: What I'm getting from this conversation is that neither of you have ever had any friends.

Aiden: It's true. The only man I've ever spent time with is Sam.

12. Jordan: Even if I wanted to I don't have time for a relationship.

Kell: Dude, you are literally already spending, like, all your free time with him.

Aiden: If you and Zach get engaged we can have a double wedding!

Lucas: You should become a tattoo artist instead, Jordan. No 55 hour shifts and you still get to stab people with needles.

Jordan: I happen to like my job.

Lucas: You complain about it every single time I see you.

Jordan: I find your obsession with needles slightly disturbing.

Lucas: I guess I like the artistic part too.

Aiden: That's why I let Michael do all my piercings.

Lucas: I'm such...

15. Aiden: Sam?

16. Aiden: Are you okay?

Sam: Mhm.

Aiden: Are you sure?

Sam: Just... tired.

Aiden: We can go home if you want to.

Sam: It's fine.

Aiden: I wouldn't mind.

Sam: Really, Aiden, it's fine.

18. Kell: You two are literally worse than that one high school couple making out in the corridors.

19. Aiden: You can't say that, that's so homophobic.

Kell: Your dad didn't think I was very homophobic.

Aiden: [Exaggerated gasp] Kell!

Kell: Too far?

Aiden: No, Kell, by all means, if you want to go over to Nettlefield right now and have sex with my actually homophobic father, go right ahead.

Kell: Dude. I'm sorry, okay?

20. Kell: Find something to eat with me? Please?

Aiden: Sure.

Kell: Sam, don't look at me like that, we're not going to smoke weed.

Sam: That was not my issue with this conversation and you saying that unprompted makes me think you are going to smoke weed.

Aiden: I've never even seen weed. Drugs are bad, or whatever. And so illegal.

Kell: Exactly. We're law-abiding citizens.

21. Aiden: Seriously. No weed. Promise.

Sam: Okay.

22. Aiden: Are you sure you're okay?

Sam: Yes, Aiden.

Aiden: Just... tell me if you want to go home. Okay?

Sam: I will.

[r1poutmygvtz]

longgg ramble/vent/whatever's on my mind, idk man i'm tired and should probably schedule another therapy appointment soon

also this is kinda just all over the place, idk my thoughts are kinda scattered rn for some reason

(tws: mental health talk, sh, suicide attempts, od mention, ed, body issues, weed + alcohol talk, medicine misuse, childhood abuse, pet + family death mentions, possibly more idk if i missed one lmk and i'll tag it and put it up here)

my mental health right now is so fragile i don't understand, like obviously i know i'm depressed, i've been diagnosed for nearly two years now but i should've been much earlier, maybe that's why it got so bad, i don't even remember why i was diagnosed tbh, i think it was my first time back after like a year and a half maybe two years of not being in therapy and obviously a lot of shit happened, in that time that i went without therapy i tried to kms three times, had an alcoholic phase, and got addicted to weed

it was also sometime around my birthday i believe, which would make sense on why i got diagnosed, im always super depressed around my birthday, i mean i was expelled on my 13th, my great grandma died the day after my 14th and the day after that i tried to kms and that was the most traumatizing one and it took me over 2 years to be able to take the meds that i od'd on again without freaking out, i was literally so high i can't even remember my 15th, 4 days before my 16th i graduated (horrible for me, i had a panic attack everyday leading up to it for like 2 weeks straight) and 2 days after that my cat that i had since my 12th birthday died, so there's literally nothing enjoyable about my birthday and it feels more like a curse than anything

anyways, i've been the same since i was like 8 or 9, i was depressed and dreamt/wished i would die or get seriously hurt, maybe i just wanted my dad to care about me for once or maybe i did really just want to die, im not sure, i can't really remember my childhood, my therapist says i most likely have ptsd from the abuse which would explain the memory gaps and dpdr (depersonalization & derealization for those that don't know, the derealization is confirmed by my therapist btw just not the depersonalization but that's probably only because i didn't bring that up)

i think the most fucked up part is the fact it took me 16 years to find out the abuse was also physical, i spent the entire time before that thinking it was only verbal towards me and my siblings but i guess not, also apparently all the times me and my sister went to my neighbors/aunts house was because we were hiding from my dad, i thought we just went over to watch cartoons because we didn't have them at home, idk it was just weird for me to find out 7 years after it stopped, it doesn't really bother me all that much tbh my dad was already dead to me and i've been mostly no contact with him for almost 3 years now

also speaking of me as a kid, that's when a lot of my problems started, i was 9 almost 10 for the dpdr and 8 or 9 when i started hating my body, sh came in later tho i was like 10 or 11 when that started, i actually remember being like 9 and writing down everything i ate on a piece of paper, and when i was 10 i kept a notebook full of what i weighed in the morning and night and would see the difference in it, i also vividly remember asking my mom how many calories were in something from mcdonald's and she told me i was too young to be asking that so i just kinda stopped after that which obviously ended up coming back, i mean just look at my account

anyways yea i just hate how back and forth my mental health is, one day i could be doing great and think i'm amazing and unbelievably pretty and smart and ill try to better myself by getting sober and staying clean, then the next day i'll hate myself and consider going back to taking my meds throughout the day just so i was loopy and hardly able to process anything

tbh i do miss it a lot, i started back when i was heavily addicted to weed and would take my meds when i couldn't smoke, actually i used to take melatonin a bunch throughout the day so i could just pass out if anything happened that i didn't want to deal with (literally anything at all tbf) but that started to not work as well as i wanted so i turned to my meds, i'd take my nightly dose (50mg instead of the 20mg i was supposed to take) at like noon and would be loopy until it was time to actually take it, i didn't do it much tbh, my sisters bf caught on after the third or fourth time because i had just met his family for the first time that day and their dog tried to bite my face apparently and i didn't even react (didn't even realize it happened tbh) and he asked what was up with me and i told him bc i've known him forever, anyways yea he yelled at me to knock it off and went on about how it's gonna kill me if i kept doing it, so i did it like once after that and it's been months since i've done it again

it's kinda funny tho, those meds actually could've killed me regardless, i was supposed to take them three times a day but only really did once at school and i still got a bunch of the more serious side effects because i wasn't supposed to smoke while taking them but obv i did bc i was addicted, like breathing was hard, i nearly fainted all the time, my appetite was nonexistent, my heart was starting to mess up, like i literally thought i had a heart attack one day because the side effects were that bad and my mom and sister started looking up symptoms of POTS because that's what the side effects looked like, anyways i got taken off those months ago but i still have them somewhere and i'm fighting the urge to find and take them just so i have no appetite and so i'll sleep through the day

i think that's really all idk, there's more i was gonna say but i can't really remember plus this is already super long jfc, i don't expect anyone to actually read this, i just wanted it off my chest and i don't really trust talking to many people about this kinda stuff

[eclecticqueennerd]

Confessions

Part 3

*language, mentions of r*pe, kidnapping, mild gaslighting, brief mentions of smeggs, angst*

Butcher POV

You lot didn’t deserve how he’s been treating you lately, pushing you to the brink of exhaustion and then pushing some more. His need for revenge for Lenny caused Kimiko to almost die. No, that was her fault. She shouldn’t have jumped in front of Soldier Boy. Sure, Frenchie could have been killed but still, Kimiko will get better, she always does. At least y/n wasn’t hurt.

Oh y/n. He could list all the reasons as to why he fell hard and fast for you but there’s not enough hours in the day. Where he barked orders to the crew, you were there to keep their spirits up. When he fell victim to his thoughts of self-loathing, you were there to talk him off the ledge. You showed the boys loyalty when you finally got your revenge on the supe that killed your husband after finding out how high the Vought shit ladder went. You were support, humility, loyalty, kindness, knowledge, and compassion. Everything that Butcher wasn’t.

But then you had to go and become the very thing he despised. A fucking supe. In the back of his mind, he knew y/n was forced into becoming enhanced and that he shouldn’t have stormed out, especially after finding out how Homelander violated you. But even in the best of times, Butcher can’t control his anger. Despite how many times you’d tell him he’s not, he’s exactly who his father says he is.

*flashback*

When you were kidnapped by Homelander, Butcher went into beast mode. Anyone who had the smallest bit of information on where you were located was met with brutality that even made the boys nervous to be around him. When Grace told him that you were found and safe with her, he damn near dropped everything to drive as fast as he could to meet you. He had to see that you were alright. He needed to hold you and by doing so, would calm the waves of fury, sadness, and relief that was pulsing through his veins. He had to tell you that he loved you.

Grace refused to tell him your exact location, per your request. You should have just spit in his face, it would have the same effect. When the two of you were reunited, all the ill feelings dissipated as he finally got to embrace you. She’s fine, she’s here, my y/n.

“Where ya been dove, what took you so long?”

“Sorry, I wanted to stay longer to train.”

“You let some other cunt train ya? I coulda done it.”

The calm went as quickly as it came once new information came to light on how to take Vought down. Butcher never got the chance to confess his feelings.

While on missions together, Butcher wanted to but never breached the topic of what happened while you were kidnapped. He wanted you to trust him and tell him in your own time, as he did with you about Lenny. He was attentive to whatever needs you had; you did not want for nothing. As time progressed, he noticed subtle differences. You were quick to catch things falling off the kitchen table, you were finally able to open that jar of pickles you always asked Butcher to open, he purposely tightened it each time to make sure you’d come to him for help. One night you cut yourself with a paring knife while mincing garlic and the next morning,

“Hey, how’s the finger?”

“What about it?”

“Ya cut it last night making dinner.”

“No I didn’t.”

“Yeah, you did, I patched you up.”

“I think you dreamed that, Billy. See?” Butcher looks at your finger, “My finger is fine.”

“Huh, guess I did dream it.”

“Looks like we’ve been hanging out too much, you’re starting to dream about me dicing my fingers off.” Y/n was also increasingly jumpy around him even though he was as gentle as possible around her.

In hindsight, this should have been a red flag, but he's always been blinded when it comes to you. Now, piecing it all together it makes sense after you told him you were a supe.

“Hello, Earth to Butcher.” Maeve snapped her fingers. He came back to the task at hand, the Temp- V. Frenchie and Kimiko were at the hospital, MM quit the mission and went back to his apartment and tasked Hughie and y/n with finding Soldier Boy after he blew up a small building in New York.

“Did you even hear a word I said, Butcher?” Maeve asked. He shrugged,

“No.” Maeve scoffed.

“You should apologize to her.”

“To who?”

“Y/n.”

“You’ve got no business talking to me about y/n. How bout you just give me the Temp-V and fuck off?”

“Come one I know the two of you are fighting right now. She’s your friend and if you just tell her-“

“Who the fuck is telling you all this, eh?”

“Starlight.”

“Well, that cunt doesn’t know everything. I’ve got nothing to apologize for. I’ve done nothing wrong.” That’s fucking lie. Maeve threw the packet of vials on the couch.

“Fine, don’t take my advice. What do I know?” Just before Maeve left, Butcher stood up and offered her a drink of vodka.

“I’m 4 months sober you asshole.”

“Oh... Starlight never told me.”

“Like you said that bitch doesn’t know everything.” Maeve looks at the bottle and back to Butcher, she grabs the class and plops herself onto the couch. As the evening sky turned black, Butcher and Maeve busied themselves fucking on MM’s desk in the corner of the hideout.

“You know what Butcher? You’re a real piece of shit.”

Yeah, yeah, he was.

[pleasestaywithmedarling]

Sin of Purity, Purity of Sin: Part XXI

previous masterlist next

see end note for content warning

Kiri stared in horror. Anden had quite literally just torn his chance at escape to shreds. “W-why would you—”

“I told you.” His voice came out ragged with pained exhaustion—whatever frenzied burst of energy he’d been running on all night seemed to have abandoned him—but his jaw was set in determination. “I’m not leaving without you. It’s not worth it.”

“I’m not worth it,” she argued tearfully.

“Kiri—”

“I didn’t want this! I—I wanted you to go!”

But that wasn’t quite true, was it? Within its hidden chamber inside her, the shapeless mass of blackness she tried so hard to keep locked away was threatening to escape. Bracing herself against its chamber door, she tried desperately to convince herself that she wasn’t the least bit relieved that Anden had not left her. She wasn’t worth him staying in this terrible place for even a moment longer, she knew.

Anden was worth staying for. And she’d almost chosen to leave him forever.

The nameless black expanded, pressing so hard at its walls within her that she scarcely had room to breathe.

“I wanted you to go!” she repeated, pleading. Whatever comfort she found in his choice to stay by her side, was far overwhelmed by the sickening fear that he could very well be dead in three days. He could have been escaping the temple at that very moment, but he wasn’t. He was facing the terror of the coming sacrifice and the very real possibility of drowning. He could die. All for her. All because of her.

She couldn’t breathe.

A hiss of pain dragged her awareness back to the present, where Anden was dragging himself across the narrow hall that separated their cells. “You’re hurt,” she protested. “You should—you should lay down.”

“Hurts either way.” With a quiet groan, he eased himself to sit propped up against the back wall, his right side pressed against her cell bars. “And I’d rather sit with you.” He held out his hand between her bars—not reaching, simply inviting.

Without thinking, Kiri pulled out her hand from the threadbare blanket in her lap. But at the sight of the small leather pouch that encased her fist, she immediately buried it once more. Squeezing her eyes shut, she swallowed back the bile that rose up her throat.

“I can take those off. For a little while, at least,” Anden offered, and the thought made her flinch. It was humiliating, to have her hands locked away each night, and it was an incessant reminder of the night she would have given anything to forget. She wanted so badly to hide what she’d nearly done, and what Edric had nearly done to her. Even now, the memories terrified her and, though she knew they shouldn’t, they made her feel shamefully soiled. But she couldn’t hide such a constant, visible memorial of everything that had happened that night. That Anden had borne witness to all of it—her death wish, her hand between her legs, her body pinned beneath the guard’s—made her ill whenever she thought of it.

Yet when she at last dared to open her eyes, he was looking at her without revulsion or even pity, only the same care and tenderness he’d always shown her. And something inside her cracked.

Slowly, tentatively, she edged closer to him until she sat just on the other side of the bars. She took a deep breath, then another, and she held out her hands. Anden’s movements were gentle as he began to unfasten the straps at her wrists.

“I know I fucked up,” he said softly. Kiri looked at him quizzically but he avoided her gaze. “I should’ve told you my brother’s plan a long time ago. I just, uh, I wanted to protect you. Or to—I don’t know, to feel like I was, I guess.” He pulled the mitt from her right hand, and she wanted to reach out to him but her hand felt so obscenely dirty. She rubbed her palm over her skirt as he began working to free her left hand. “I’m just sick of being so fucking useless, you know?”

“You’re not useless.” That he would ever think such a thing about himself made her heart ache. Her fingers twitched, instinct driving her to reach through the bars, but she couldn’t quite bring herself to. “Is that why you didn’t leave tonight?”

“No. I just got scared that I’d never see you again.” His eyes briefly flicked to hers, and she was startled by the depth of emotion she saw there. “I mean, if I left, I’d come back for you. But I’m pretty sure my brother’s expecting me to smuggle out that blade he gave us, so we can untie ourselves once we’re—once we’re on the river. I figure your odds are a lot better if we stick to the plan.” As he finished freeing her left hand, he clasped it tightly within his own. It was difficult to feel that hers was in any way unclean, she realized, when all she could feel was him. “And I don’t want to lose you.”

“Neither do I.” Reaching through the bars with her other hand, she cupped his face and gently guided him to look at her. Her heart warmed at the way he leaned into her touch, but it alarmed her to feel just how hollow his cheeks were beneath his unkempt beard. “I wish you’d gone. I want to know you’re safe But I—I’m also glad, to have you with me.”

Maybe that was selfish. But maybe that was just love��the word was strange, even frightening, yet in an instant Kiri was marveling at how she could have gone so long without knowing it.

“I love you,” she said, and it was as simple and unconscious as a heartbeat.

Anden’s breath hitched. As his eyes searched hers, he asked in a whisper, “You do?” At Kiri’s nod, he exhaled a laugh, disbelief and joy and hope and sorrow all mingled in the sound. “I love you too. Gods, I love you.” He reached up to grasp her hand that held his face, and pressed his chapped lips into her palm; the kiss burned pleasantly down through her skin and straight to her core.

His sleeve slipped down, and she froze at the sight of the scars that ran down his forearm. Within her the nameless swirl of black rattled at its chamber door, faster, harder, and she squeezed her eyes shut as she fought to keep it locked away.

Anden pressed her hand to his heart. “Breathe with me,” he urged her. After a few tries, she managed to match the rise and fall of his chest, and slowly her own seemed to loosen.

She couldn’t recall why she felt so relieved. What had happened, that she was so relieved to draw in each breath?

Before even that question was siphoned from her mind, she murmured that she was sorry—even if she didn’t quite understand what she was sorry for, she was certain that it was warranted.

“It’s okay,” he assured her, though when she at last opened her eyes she saw his brow knit with concern.

“But you shouldn’t—you shouldn’t have to worry about me,” she protested.

“Yeah, well, nothing we can do about that.” The corners of his mouth turned up in a sad almost-smile. “We, uh, we just established that I love you. I think worrying comes with the territory.”

Kiri tightened her fist around a handful of his bloodstained tunic, and became aware of the layer of bandages she could feel beneath the fabric. Tears pricked her eyes as his tormented cries rang through her memory.

Love was so painful here.

“Yeah,” Anden agreed, and only then did she realize she’d said the words aloud. “Yeah, it makes everything here even harder. I tried to avoid it with you, you know. Didn’t last long. But I’m glad I didn’t.” He squeezed her hand weakly.

They only had two more days to get through before Midsummer, she reminded herself. But gods, Anden was so weak.

“You should lay down. You—you need to lay down.” She reached for the mitts that lay discarded on the floor. Pulling one over her left hand, she held it out to him and tried to ignore the nausea that arose at the sight.

Reluctantly, he bound her hands once more into useless fists. His jaw clenched at her insistence that he fasten the buckles at her wrists so painfully tight, but he had to comply—they both knew the consequences would be terrible if it was discovered that he’d removed them. The instant he was finished, Kiri slipped her hands beneath her knees and out of sight.

Anden tucked back a strand of hair that had begun to escape her braid, his fingertips leaving a trail of that pleasant burning everywhere they touched. She might have smiled if she weren’t holding back a sob.

“Same time tomorrow?” he asked, his own almost-smile falling just as flat. Slowly he dragged himself back to his own cell, locking himself in before tucking the key beneath the floorboard and collapsing onto his pallet. Only when she was satisfied that he was asleep did she settle herself onto her own, the ghost of his touch lulling her into uneasy dreams.

The following day, though the temple remained open for daily worship as usual, the priests and attendants were swept up in a flurry of activity—Kiri had never seen them so busy. At first she assumed that it was all in preparation of Midsummer—it was only two days away. But all through the day she kept hearing snatches of the whispered orders the priests were throwing out left and right, and it soon became clear that they wanted every inch of the temple spotless by sundown.

Something was happening, and it was happening that night.

When the sun had set and she and Anden were escorted back to the Chamber of Vessels, she was alarmed to see that not only was the healer priestess already there waiting to check on Anden’s wounds, but her own two morning attendants were there. While one of them touched up her hair and makeup, the other directed Anden to stand on the first steps of the bathing pool while she scrubbed him clean.

Kiri was careful to keep her back to him—she could give him that small amount of privacy, at least—but she couldn’t help but listen as the healer priestess doled out orders about which wounds needed to be kept dry. She’d always known that Anden downplayed just how injured he really was on any given day, but she had to grip tightly to her skirt to keep her hands from flapping whenever she heard the attendant exclaim over the extent of the damage.

When she was certain he was fully dressed, she turned to find him looking the cleanest she’d ever seen him. The layer of grime he could never fully rid himself of with only the small pail of water in his cell was entirely gone, revealing the warm undertones of his brown skin; his overgrown hair and patchy beard still looked disheveled, but now they were damp with fresh bathwater rather than sweat and oil.

When she caught his eye, she could see her own fear reflected there: none of this boded well for either of them.

They were escorted to their cells and left there with their usual tasteless dinners, but they could hear multiple attendants and guards still in the outer chamber working at gods only knew what. Kiri quickly found she had no appetite, and moved to pass her food over to Anden. After a wordless argument, he reluctantly accepted it, but scarcely had he finished eating when their evening guards entered their cells, coils of rope in hand.

Kiri whimpered as her guard—not Edric, not Edric, he’s dead—roughly pinned her wrists crossed over her chest and began to bind them in place. Through all the fear of not knowing what would take place that night, she’d told herself that at least there was a chance it wouldn’t involve the—

The water—she couldn’t—

—but there was only one reason she was ever tied up in such a manner.

—she couldn’t do this. Gods, she couldn't do this.

An awful thud and a groan of pain caught her attention; Anden was slumped against the wall, breathing in gasps with his eyes squeezed shut. A guard kicked him again, shouting at him to get moving. Her cry was cut off as a knotted strip of fabric was forced between her teeth.

They were brought to the outer chamber, and the guards had just finished securing Anden’s wrists to the hook in the center of the ceiling when the door was opened. In strode Emitis, whose eyes swept the room critically. At his nod, the attendants let out a collective sigh of relief.

“I’m sure I don’t need to remind you all of the importance of tonight,” the High Priest intoned. “While King Nol lies ill, Prince Firon is to be treated with the same respect and courtesy we would offer to his uncle.”

Kiri’s hands fluttered in their bonds at her chest. If the private rituals offered to temple patrons of the nobility were already so torturous, would it be even worse if tonight’s patron was the First Prince of Ilyrna? She looked helplessly at Anden; what if yet more blood was required of him?

She couldn’t do this—she couldn’t.

“If we are to maintain the High Temple’s good standing in the decades to come,” Emitis continued, “it is imperative that we establish the same good relations with His Highness as we enjoy with His Majesty the King. And that begins tonight. Have I made myself clear?”

“Yes, Exalted One,” the chamber answered in chorus.

The waiting seemed endless, but it was far from a relief when the chamber door was opened to a pair of priests, followed by a broad, bearded man dressed in deceptive simplicity; he might have passed for a well-to-do merchant or craftsman were it not for the large green stone adorning the ring on his right hand. He was immediately flanked by two armed men garbed in green rather than the deep red livery of the temple. Everyone in the chamber bowed; Kiri’s guard—not Edric, not Edric, he’s dead—tugged harshly on her arm until she fell into a clumsy curtsey.

“We are most grateful to you, Your Highness, for coming to offer the King Nol’s prayers for the kingdom in his stead.” Emitis smiled with a kindness that even Kiri might have been fooled by had she not so often been on the receiving end of his malice. “Ilyrna thanks you.”

“Any thanks from you is unnecessary,” the prince replied. “I am merely fulfilling the duties laid upon me by law.” Though his tone and expression showed nothing but detached civility, the High Priest looked as though he’d just been slapped. Emitis recovered quickly, but Kiri’s heart was pounding—he was angry, and his anger always brought suffering.

“We begin with the prayer of gratitude, yes?” Prince Firon asked, and without waiting for an answer he began to unbutton his jerkin.

“Your Highness,” Emitis cleared his throat. “Might I ask what you are doing?”

“According to the texts of Linoredin, on which your temple’s rituals of gratitude and of sin are based—” the prince shed his sleeveless outer garment and moved on to unlacing his boots. “—it is baptism of the person that is required, not of the garments. And so I am saving them from an unnecessary wetting. Fear not, my tunic and trousers I shall retain,” he added with just a hint of wryness.

“But surely Your Highness does not intend to participate in the baptism?”

“Most assuredly, I do. The law demands it of the king, and he has commanded me here in his stead.”

“But all who are invited to perform such amplified rituals as these, have the right to substitution.” The High Priest’s smile was tight as he took Kiri by the arm and began to pull her toward the bathing pool, squeezing it cruelly when she whimpered. “The Vessels have been prepared to act as your substitutes tonight.”

Firon stepped in front of him and eyed him coolly. “Substitution is a right, as you said, not a requirement. And I do not invoke that right.” He looked down at Kiri, and while his calm stoicism did not waver, it seemed to soften at the edges. “Her bonds will not be necessary tonight.” Pulling a small knife from his belt, he made quick work of slicing through the ropes wound tightly around her and gently pulled the gag from her mouth.

Kiri was so entirely shocked by his actions that she did not even shy away from the contact as she normally would have. She could only stand frozen in her surprise as the prince handed off the small blade and his belt to one of the men in green before stepping down into the bathing pool. Kneeling in its center, he looked up at the High Priest, a hint of a challenge in the tilt of his chin. “Let us begin.”

Nearly a year had passed since Kiri had learned, much to her terror, that the amplified ritual of gratitude required a baptism for each of the thirteen long stanzas offered to Vato. But it was only that night, watching Emitis reluctantly facilitate the prayers of the First Prince, that she learned what the ritual did not require. When the prince finished reciting each stanza, Emitis aided him in leaning back into the water until he was fully immersed. Then the High Priest immediately helped him back up again.

In and out, in a matter of seconds.

Suddenly she could not breathe. So many times she’d been forced under, held down until she’d lost herself in primal fear, come up choking only to be pulled back before she’d even had a chance to gasp for air. She could see the dim torchlight dancing on the water’s surface above her, feel Emitis’ fingers digging into her flesh as he held her thrashing body in place, and everywhere about her was water, and everywhere within her was the certainty of death.

Had none of it even been required for the ritual? Had it all merely been to satisfy Emitis’ cruel whims?

Gods, she could not breathe.

She only became aware that the ritual had ended when the prince seemed to suddenly appear, dripping, before her; he gently took her hand and brushed a line of water across the back of it with his fingertip, just as the worshippers did each day in the High Chamber. An attendant handed him a large drying-cloth—Kiri had only ever been offered such a luxury on the very coldest nights of winter. But despite being soaked through, the prince held the drying-cloth out to her. ���Your hand,” he prompted, his expression carefully neutral but not unkind. “And dry your eyes.”

Her hands shook as she fumbled to comply; she hadn’t even realized that she’d been crying. This had to be some sort of trap, she was sure. No one here had ever refused to use her as a substitute before; and to show her even this small consideration on top of that seemed too much. There was some sort of danger in all of this—there had to be. But she was in no position to refuse royalty. Handing the cloth back to him as quickly as possible, she opened her mouth to say something—surely, she was supposed to say something—but no words would come. He accepted it from her, but before turning away he inclined his head to her in respect.

Kiri’s heart thundered in her ears. The First Prince of Ilyrna had just bowed to her.

Emitis’ glare was murderous.

“Shall we proceed?” asked Firon as he made efficient work of drying himself.

“Of course, Your Highness.” The High Priest crossed to the cabinets that lined the wall and selected from them a coiled whip. As he unfurled it, it glinted in the light in a way that puzzled Kiri, until she realized that it was wrapped in wire. Her hands began to flap at her sides as she looked at Anden; he was trying to maintain his mask of defiance, but it was clear from the quickening rise and fall of his chest that he recognized the device.

When he noticed her watching him, his eyes widened in horror. No one else paid Kiri any mind; she’d probably only been locked up right away in the past because she’d always been making too much of a scene after being pulled from the pool. Anden did not want her to witness what was coming, she knew; she gave a shaking nod, trying to assure him that he didn’t need to worry about her. But the truth was she was terrified.

Emitis positioned himself well behind Anden at the back of the chamber, the evil whip firmly in hand. “You may recite the prayer of sin.”

But rather than begin the first stanza, Firon motioned to the cabinets. “I see a large selection of instruments here. Forgive me, but none of the texts available to those outside the priesthood make any mention of them, and I would like to make sure that I understand the . . . theological significance of the ritual. Why is it that the small knife used by the worshippers each day in the High Chamber is not suitable here?”

“How blessed is the kingdom, to have an heir so adherent to the correct worship of Vato.” Emitis’ smile held a dangerous edge, sending a violent shudder up Kiri’s spine. “But the answer is quite simple, Your Highness. Vato cannot grant you the private audience that you seek unless the prayers are properly amplified. Far more blood must be spilled than a mere prick of the finger.”

The prince nodded. “It matters not, of course; I shall always bear whatever the law and my duties demand of me. But I thank you for enlightening me.” He gestured toward Anden. “Release him, that I may get into position.”

“Your Highness?”

“I do not invoke my right to substitution. Release him.”

Anden shifted anxiously in his bonds, exchanging a fearful glance with Kiri. Surely, surely there was some terrible catch to all of this. No prince would really go through with this himself.

And yet he continued to cast aside any of the High Priest’s protests. Their argument was all polite civility, but with an undercurrent of venom that Kiri didn’t understand. All she knew was that Emitis’ nostrils were flaring; beneath his facade of respect he was furious.

At last Anden was cut down, and he would have collapsed to the floor had Firon himself not caught him. As he limped to stand at the side of the room at the prince’s direction, he looked every bit as unsure of how to react to his release as Kiri had been to hers. Slowly, she began sidling toward him, just wanting to be near him in the midst of so much treacherous unpredictability.

When Firon stood, proud and erect, in the center of the chamber and declared himself ready, Emitis went to the cabinets and procured a knife.

“That is not the instrument you selected previously.”

The High Priest’s brow raised. “While determination to honor Vato without substitution is admirable, surely Your Highness does not mean to object to a safer tool.”

“A small cut after each stanza of the prayer would suffice, then?”

“Certainly,” Emitis assured him, clearly eager to avoid being the cause of any superfluous injury to the First Prince of Ilyrna.

“And yet when it was the Vessel of Sin standing here rather than myself, you told me that a far more copious amount of blood was required for this ritual. Surely, Exalted One,” Firon challenged, “you do not mean to suggest that the High Temple acts in accordance with its own whims rather than the holy teachings of Vato?”

Kiri had just made it to Anden’s side, and she could practically see the burning rage sparked by this revelation radiating off of him. He inhaled sharply, a curse on the tip of his tongue, but he stopped short when she grabbed his arm. Lowering her hand, she subtly shook her head; it would be even more perilous than usual to draw the High Priest’s attention. Anden’s jaw clenched, but he nodded in assent.

She didn’t understand exactly what victory the prince had just won, but it was clear that Emitis was not taking the loss well. The whole room had just witnessed him back himself into a corner. As he stammered out some nonsensical explanation of what he had or hadn’t meant to say, he reluctantly returned the knife to its place and again took up the monstrous whip. When he stood ready once more at the back of the room, Prince Firon began reciting the prayer of sin.

As the first stanza drew to a close, Kiri braced herself for the sharp crack, but nothing could have prepared her for it. From her angle at the side of the room, she could just barely see the prince’s back as the whip tore through tunic and skin alike. Though he hissed in pain, he caught himself from stumbling forward, standing straight and tall once more. But his chest was heaving and there was already so much blood—gods, there was so much blood. And suddenly she could hear Anden’s cries, the ones that haunted her whenever she lay awake at night watching him sleep, and gods, there was so much blood.

Though she couldn’t seem to take her eyes off the grisly scene before her, she could hear Anden’s breathing quicken. Not daring to do anything more, she brushed the back of her hand against his. His littlest finger wrapped around hers, and her heart squeezed painfully to feel his trembling.

With each lash, Firon’s back was torn into yet thinner ribbons of flesh. His groans and cries of pain grew louder, as did Anden’s screams in her mind. By the seventh stanza, the prince’s recitation came out in gasps. He had dropped to his knees, holding himself up on shaking arms, and Anden was leaning heavily on her, whether from exhaustion or distress.

And the ritual was only halfway over.

Kiri didn’t know why the First Prince would insist on going through this. She didn’t know what conflict between him and the High Priest she and Anden had found themselves caught up in. She didn’t know how Anden had survived this year, to have been forced through such brutal torture so many times.

She now knew why Anden had always been positioned near the drain in the floor. She knew that she loved him, so dearly it hurt. As something dark rattled the locked door of its chamber within her, she knew that she would never forgive herself for not finding some way to make him leave her last night, for not sparing him from living in this awful nightmare for even a moment longer.

She knew that Emitis was angry, angrier than she’d ever seen him. And she knew that he had more than twenty-four hours left in which to take out that anger on his Vessels.

next

We're so close to Midsummer y'all.

Thank you all so much for reading!!!

tag list: @starlit-hopes-and-dreams @little-peril-stories @monarchthefirst

@emmettland @whumplr-reader @scoundrelwithboba

Please let me know if you'd like to be added or removed!

content warning: captivity, religious abuse, restraints, torture, flogging, mentions of attempted sexual assault and attempted suicide

[onthepyre]

Hi June! No.1 for the prompt meme if you feel inspired? 💖

hi calli!! thanks for dropping in <3 this is kind of loosely the "dirtiest white boy in america" period but honestly. fuck if i know. it's sad though

send me a number and ill write something angsty

1 - keeping things from the other to spare their feelings

Sometimes Dad had to bail, Mickey knew. When they were little kids, not smart enough to keep their traps shut, he and Mandy got dragged along, lying in the backseat, her head in his lap. Perks of being the youngest two, Mickey guesses. Seeing Indiana before they turned six. By the time Mom was gone, they were told to keep their heads down and wait it out while Dad fucked off to who-knows-where. It sucked, but it sucked less than having him home. It was tolerable.

When the pigs started sniffing around the Alibi, Dad got itchy. They were just around to "ask questions," but the proximity was enough. He had a bag packed in ten minutes, four loaded handguns tucked under dirty underwear and ratty cutoffs. It was damn near a rampage, but Mickey didn't have the sixth sense his siblings did that told them to get the fuck out of dodge. He didn't even realize the depth of shit he was in until Dad pitched a backpack at him and asked what the fuck he was standing around with his thumb up his ass for.

Arguing was useless. If he ran now, Mickey would be dead when Dad inevitably made it back to Chicago. So he took the backpack and stuffed it with a change of clothes and a handful of knives and cash, tucking his busted flip phone into a wad of underwear. In case he needed it, Mickey told himself. So he could contact Mandy if they were gonna be gone long. Not Ian.

That's what he told himself, at least, but when they were halfway to Dad's buddy's cabin in Minnesota and it slipped out that he was wanted for eight counts of trafficking, when Mickey's throat started to burn, he knew.

A nine hour drive meant sitting next to Dad all night. When they finally, finally made it, got out to stretch their legs deep in the woods, it set in. Mickey was very firmly stuck here, at least for the coming days, nobody to keep him company but Dad and the fucking raccoons.

Just about as soon as they set foot in the cabin, Dad was snoring. Mickey wasn't about to take his chances in the same room, only four feet of space between the twin beds. He crept to the bathroom, locked the door, propped a stepstool against it for good measure. He texted Mandy first, short and to the point: sos in mn.

Then there was the problem of Ian. He had, at best, one message to make sure he'd leave him alone. There was no telling how long it would take Mandy to figure out how the fuck to get him out of this three-room shithole, assuming he wasn't cursed to die in it. Mickey couldn't say nothing. Ian would get antsy, go looking for him. Say something he shouldn't. But he couldn't tell him what was actually happening, either, because he couldn't give Ian that false hope. Couldn't let him stay attached, pine, worry, wait for something that wasn't going to come.

He had to let him get over it like a normal heartbreak. Ian could cry for a week and then find some other South Side street rat to fuck instead, a thought that had Mickey gnawing on his bottom lip to distract from the pit in his stomach. Yeah. That was what he had to do.

cant c u anymore, he wrote. dont txt.

Mickey deleted both messages as soon as they went through. He allowed himself ten seconds to let it sink in. Knuckles pressed into his eyes, sitting on the toilet lit bent double, he sniffled once. Then, after a few shuddering breaths, he opened the door, and thank fuck, Dad was still snoring.

[marcusoseman99]

Songs of the Isle pt 46

Apollo: Who is she?

Dion: One of Dad's lovers.

Apollo: And you guys talk?

Dion: Of course not i dont even know if she is still there or not.

Apollo: Ahhh got you.

Dion: I do hope she is ok if she is up there..... not easy to say no to Zues

*Apollo points to the sky While Dion has kneeled down next to one of the youngest of his flock and helps her fix her straw doll*

Dion: Oh I am just guessing I don’t know if she survived all this time but I won’t blame her for staying up there.

Apollo: Aren’t their other gods there.

Dion: Maybe but i dont know the politics of the moon.

Apollo: *Laugh* Thats a shame.  

*Dion stands up and the child thanks him before running off*

Dion: Why is that?

Apollo: I would have love to visit the moon with you.

Dion: Mmmh have you been transforming lately?

Apollo: Way to ruin the momment...... not really.

Dion: Ahh you have to keep to a routine.

Apollo: my life is a bit too...... pffft y'know.

Dion: Just be careful.

*Dion holds Apollos face in his hand*

Apollo: I will.

*Apollo and Dion start to walk in different directions but yells without turning around*

Dion: REMEMBER DEMI’S BIRTHDAY!!

Apollo: WILL DO!!

*Apollo heads back the tent where Vick is still standing in the same spot while trying to get service on his phone Apollo laughs a little then walks over and sits on the ground in front of him*

Apollo: Hey remeber tonight you take the bed and I’ll sleep on the floor.

Vick: OK but we can share.

*Apollo looks at Vick for a couple seconds*

Vick: Or not it’s cool.

Apollo: Cool also I might leave during the night at some points do not come out or follow me.

Vick: why?

Apollo: Just might have to get away for a bit to........ transform.

Vick: Why can’t I come then thought you were in control?

Apollo: It's been awhile its harder to control.

Vick: I thought you were in complete control of this?

Apollo: I am but if i dont transform my...... "instincts" take over.

Vick: That sounds made up.

Apollo: And you will never know if i made it up or not.

Vick: I hate you.

Apollo: You are too kind

*Apollo lays down on the ground after taking a pillow from the bed and then grabs a bedroll off the floor*

Vick: I’ll give it an hour then ill radio Leander and I hope he believes me. God, I need him to believe me, I just need to-

*Vick passes out on Apollos bed then springs back up and looks at his phone*

Vick: FUCK I FELL ASLEEP FOR 2 HOURS, I NEED TO RADIO LEANDER!!!!!

*Vick runs out of the tent while rummaging through his bag trying to find his radio*

Vick: FUCK, fuck I hope I can think of a good lie.

*Vick leaves the tent then looks up and meets Apollos wolfs eye they both freeze in place staring into each other’s eyes till the Wolf moves slightly closer looking curiously at Vick*

Vick: Please don’t kill me this is really embarrassing way to die.

*Vick tries to walk backwards into the tent but as he does Apollo follows him curiously tilting his head side to side*

Vick: He looks like a dog that…that wants to play?

*Vick places everything on the ground slowly as he does Apollos head lowers as well Vick take one more step back before clapping his knees.

Then Apollo jumps back and his front paws are spread out in front of him so that his chest is touching the ground, and his tail is in the air wagging wildly*

Vick: *laughs* Fuck. Off.

*Vick walks forward but still with caution till he is right in front of Apollo shoots up so they are basically eye level and Vick starts to pet him*

Vick: Aww you will never live this down.

*Vick starts to pet Apollo more aggressively till Dion calls from outside*

Dion: VICK IS HE SAFE!

Vick: YEAH, HE IS KINDA LIKE A PUPPY!

Dion: CAN YOU GET HIM TO BACK OUT OF THE TENT!

Vick: SURE, WHY THOUGH!

Dion: *sigh* HIS ASS IS IN THE WAY OF THE ENTRECE!

*The scene shows Dion standing at the side of Apollos ass that is halfway in the tent*

Vick: Pfft WILL MOVE HIM NOW!!

*Vick starts to walk forward in turn Apollo backs up they both leave the tent and Vick looks to Dion when Apollo sees him though he runs over and starts to nuzzle against him*

Vick: Can I please take a picture.

Dion: please do he would live this down.

*The scene cuts to Apollo, Vick and Dion posing for a close-up picture where Dion has leaned down a bit so that Apollos face is on his shoulder and Vick has a shit eating grind just in front of them.

Looking into the camera after the photo the scene goes to Vick and Dion standing side by side while laughing at the photo which has a flower filter on it*

Vick: Why is he so, Friendly?

Dion: No clue I thought that they were always violent during this period but I guess not.

Vick: *laughs* Weird.

*Vick walks back into the tent with Dion following shortly behind so that as Dion enters the Tent Vick is leaning down to pick up his stuff*

[b0nten]

ONI - IN - A - MILLION

relationship headcanons for your favorite onis <3 // feat. shiki, osusuke, ikari

SHIKI

imma start off by saying that shiki, ikari and ousuke all gave the same kinda vibe — messy, goofy and whatnot

the differences i’d say are ALMOST invisible

so lets get started

HE ADORES YOU, WORSHIPS THE GROUND THAT YOU WALK ON AND DOES SO VERY VERT VERY PROUDLY

he can’t get enough of you, never

he takes you out on fun and cute little dates, like amusement parks or picknicks or you go to feed the ducks and pigeons at the park and all that stuff

he is so in love with your smile whenever a rollercoaster goes fast and pumps your adrenaline or whenever the birds you feed get close to y’all, and you get excited — he gets more excited just seeing you

he’s literally so cute

also, A BIG BIG BIG BIG BIIIIIIIIIIIIG FAN of matching outfits

you guys make jin throw up 🤮

that’s how cute you are together

shiki has two sides, however — the cute and goofy boyfriend that loved seeing you smile and SOMETIMES he transforms into his second form — the little shit that trolls you all day every day

i have a feeling that he loooooooooves pulling pranks on you and filming them, after which he sends them into the gc for everyone to watch (only if the prank is too good tho, he spares you of extra embarrassment)

shiki is the kind of boyfriend to call you goofy or dumb nicknames

a favorite of his is skrunky

“my wittle skrunklyyyyyyyy”

again, jin is vomiting his existence in the background

mudano ALWAYS tells him to use proper endermeant words but shiki just can’t bring himself to do that

it makes him physically ill ONLY thinking about not calling you skrunkly or his dummy yummy gummy bear

he also LOVEEEEEES to hold your hand or just feel you close, like i said he CAN’T. GET. ENOUGH. OF. YOU.

with him you can joke around and just be yourself and he is SO glad for it

IKARI

unlike shiki, he ALWAYS bullies you. don’t get mad tho, that’s his love language and he never means to say hurtful things <\3

if he senses however that he’s said something that hit a nerve he apologizes instantly and never ever again in his life jokes about that thing ever again.

also loves to lean with his elbows on top of your head to show off the height difference and doesn’t let you see the light of day about it

when it comes to dates i think he prefers staying in and ordering takeout because everyone except you annoys and angers him <3

that, or he likes to go on walks or picknicks at night. he just likes how peaceful everything is and he can calmly concentrate on your presence

might look hard and manly and mean on the outside and to others, but with you he’s putty

LIVES for your kisses and also can’t get enough of them, loves to carry you piggyback and sometimes he tries his ability and if it’s something cool like wings or those really fast shoes, he flies with you in his arms or runs with you on his back

he really likes how you’re like the only person he doesn’t get annoyed about

i got this thingy that he probably really likes picking you up and twirling you around in his arms

another man who loves your smile but loves your laugh even harder

if he could, he’d make an 8-hour long “y/n laughing — beautiful sounds to fall asleep to” youtube video

absolutely amazing boyfriend

OUSUKE

another bully ass bitch

you can already guess, but jic you aren’t sure, he’s going to make fun of you for everything. EVERYTHING

did you trip and fall three years ago while on vacation in rome? no problem, ousuke will remind you about it every day of your life until you die

he’s so cute but so fucking annoying at the same time

did you once burn some food accidentally? that’s okay! even though ousuke doesn’t know how to cook, he’ll still make fun of you for it.

as annoying as he is, you just can’t help but MELT and fall to your knees when seeing him smile

same thing goes for him tho

i think he particularly enjoys watching you do things that you love

for example, when you guys do karaoke in the car, he can almost not keep his eyes off of you when you shout the lyrics to your favorite songs

or when you’re so concentrated when you try out a new recipe, or his absolute favorite — the way you cheer with excitement whenever something goes the way you want it to go.

this beast of a man absolutely loves you

he cannot shut the fuck up about you and annoys tsukuyomi every day and all day

as well as the entire momo corp in his city

speaking of tsukuyomi, i feel like you’d get soooooo good along with him (who wouldn’t tho, just look at him)

especially because ousuke brings him over a lot, or because he drops lots of things over for ousuke, you guys got to know each other better throughout the years. he’s the one you go to for tarot readings or send the newest fashion drops to. literal king.

speaking of fashion, ousuke ALWAYS gets you gifts, and fancy ones too. loves to bring you trinkets from when he’s away on missions and the next second he drops a limited edition handbag or that sweater you’ve been raving about.

most of the time he consults with tsukuyomi just to be sure, but do not fret, he knows what you like better than you do — better safe than sorry when it comes to you, though.

he likes to take you out to fancy restaurants and expect birthdays and anniversaries to be ELITE

im talking trips to exotic places and shit

he literally spoils you so much and loves it.

he’s like a sugar daddy and tsukuyomi always jokes about that, but it kinda annoys him 🙄🙄

also

HE FALLS ASLEEP SO FAST WHEN YOU PLAY WITH HIS HAIR

he thinks he’s so cool and unbeatable but pat him on the head one time and he’s knocked out in your arms, sleeping like a baby.

love him 10/10 would recommend

[wetcatspellcaster]

For companion!tav asks; General 7, Story 9 and 15?

7. Do they have their own personal quest that spans the course of the game? Can it take different branching paths depending on the choices the Player Character makes?

Hahaha, so in my fanfic, I've just put my selfish hands all over House of Hope - I think that Rosalie would see a woman called Hope trapped in a house, and the agoraphobic in her Would Take That Personally and insist on her being saved. So I guess her personal quest is sort of... Halsin levels of involvement (a mission that already exists becoming outcome relevant to her).

Her branching pathway across the game would be a conflict of emotion vs. reason - in a good playthrough, I think she would take the role of mum friend, and approve of good choices. The end of her quest is just her hosting a fun night for everyone in the Elfsong a la Varric in Inquisition, just bc I think the game sorely needs that kind of social scene, and it would culminate in her admitting her illness! In an evil playthrough, you can get her to stay with your party by continually appealing to her to be logical and ruthless as a means of survival through persuasion checks - this would result in her volunteering to become the mindflayer for the final battle, as she will believe this will be the only way to self-medicate after the tadpoles are gone, and she doesn't mind the sacrifice.

9. Do they have a unique dialogue if the Player Character lets them die when they steal the Blood of Lathander?

Lmao, is it bad that I think the unique dialogue is if the Player Character lets Astarion die? "You really should apologise to Astarion, you know. That's like... the one thing he's sensitive about!!!"

15. How do they react when the Dark Urge first reveals their amnesia and murderous thoughts to them?

I genuinely think (as a companion using the tadpole to medicate their mental illness) that they would be The Most Sympathetic Companion. Like I say that with my full chest. She would be heartbroken that someone is suffering while she is thriving, and would explicitly ask if the tadpole helps at all and be even more sad when she hears that is not the case.

At the end of the conversation, she would say, "if you ever need anything, or want to talk through any of these thoughts, please come to me. I'm not an expert, but I... understand. And a burden shared, is a burden halved." (she also just... isn't scared lmao. Obviously. So if the Durge does fucked up shit she'd still be their ride-or-die.)

Companion!Tav ask list

[yallemagne]

So, I was clued in by several references to Micheal Myers that the movie my brother was making me watch was a Halloween movie and, having never watched a single one, I went to the Wikipedia to catch up. I figured out through getting through all of the Wikipedia synopses that the film I was watching was the final one! Amazing.

Spoilers. Also, trigger warning: I hate slasher films. Not for moral reasons, so slasher nuts can put down their pitchforks. I just. Blech. But this film had a silver lining.

EDIT: I misspelt Allyson's name bc it was misspelt in the subtitles.

For a moment, at the beginning of the film, I thought maybe they were referencing Mikey as a horror movie icon, but that was not the case. I had been tricked-- HOODWINKED -- into watching a film from the Halloween series. But I couldn't walk away now!! I already sat down!!

I didn't care about the kid. Honestly the sheer amount of blood and also the weird way he fell took me out of the scene. I was half like "was this staged by the kid, too?"

Corey was already giving me vibes of an anxious teen who messed up in the past, and like this was the only chance he has to show he's a good guy, and like that was the reason he was panicking so hard in the attic? Anyway, whomp whomp. This is why you don't bully someone with anxiety in a horror film, kid.

Time skip, he gets bullied by some high schoolers and JAMIE LEE CURTIS appears to the rescue! The band kids are mean to her, so maybe they deserve-- just kidding lol. I'll call her Laurie from here on, she offers boyo a knife to fuck up the car. Wahoo.

His hand is messed up and Laurie's granddaughter is a nurse, what can go wrong? Introducing a young woman to a male main character in a horror film has neeeeeever led to predictable and blegh-y deaths ahahahah. But I was wrong in thinking she would be killed for making premarital eye contact, so that's neat.

And then someone makes premarital eye contact with Laurie and I'm like noooo oh he's gonna die too? seriously?? I don't even know this guy. But the writers did not hate me today.

Let's skip, so Corey gets thrown off a bridge because he called out someone's daddy issues and is pulled into some weird... sewer cave? I don't know what it is. I don't think Mikey did it, but I'll get to that. Corey wakes up and gets strangled by Mikey, but then he starts getting flashbacks to the worst day of his life, which I guess is symbolic of his mental break.

ONE LITTLE TANGENT. I hate how horror films villainize the mentally ill. And how apparently being mentally ill gives you superpowers. Maybe I should get evaluated just to see if I can raise a barn on my own. I know someone may scold me like "it's not black and white, there's no ableist messaging inherent to this genre, there is no war in Ba Sing Se", but you are wrong, bye.

Corey gets away but the homeless man I predicted would die jumps him and oh look. He's ~crazy~ too. But I guess he did not receive an official diagnosis because he does not come back to life after being killed. Also, I think maybe this guy is the one who dragged Corey into that place because of his obsession with Mikey, but that's minor.

Corey tells Allison he's a murderer. I was... pleasantly shocked they didn't start making out immediately. But she still stayed with him. And I wasn't fully paying attention because of my reading, but I seriously thought she knew he was doing even more murders, but apparently she... didn't? Even though they were people who inconvenienced her?

Corey meets Allison's ex and then lures him into Mikey's lair. Mikey gets knocked down and Corey yells at him to show him how to kill people. Mikey's like "okay shit" and stabs the guy a few more times than necessary just to make sure Corey understood. I was kinda cheering about boys night because that is exactly what this was.

The boys kill a doctor who was mean to Allison and the woman he's sleeping with, and I was like SERIOUSLY?? MOVIE??? I caught up in the Wikipedia and saw that apparently, the woman got a promotion because she was sleeping with him... but that's still killing a woman for having sex. Oh well. Also, the eye contact between the woman and Corey was weird, I thought, am I missing something here?? Eh.

Laurie confronts Corey, and she's so badass, and I love her so much. Tells him to back the fuck up. He refuses and tells her to go apeshit. OHHH DUDE. You do NOT WANT THAT. She literally vanished, and I was like "TOLD YOU SO BOY". I knew she wasn't gonna kill him right then, but I kept making *teleports behind you* jokes.

Since Corey is a wuss, he calls Allison up because he knows Laurie is gonna get his ass. Allison argues with Laurie that Corey isn't evil, and at this point, I genuinely thought she was gaslighting Laurie because HOW DOES SHE NOT KNOW??? But she truly didn't know that her boyfriend was JD.

Corey shows up at Mikey's hidey hole and they have a silly little tussle. It's so fucking funny. The boys are having a little wrestle! It's so silly. Corey steals Mikey's mask so he can be Mikey (his own mask wasn't cool enough) and kill a bunch of people. His stepdad is collateral damage, and I groaned so hard at his death. That man teleported into the bullet. Had to look away from the yucky ew because I don't trust my unconscious mind with gruesome imagery.

Laurie is amazing she is so cool. Corey tries to get her but she fuckin GETS HIM. She's so fucking badass I love her. Laurie is my bias.

Corey does the "if I can't have her, no one will" again and does a self-stabby to frame Laurie bc he knows he has his official diagnosis and he'll come back to life. In the meantime? Mikey has come to take his mask back. He permanently kills Corey by revoking his blessing (that's what I got from it at least) because no one kills his sister but him!!!

Laurie is fucking GREAT SHE FUCKING YES MAN. The foreshadowing of the exploding microwave and like boom man. I was cheering GET HIM LAURIE GET HIM. He tries to get rid of her hand, she says "no sir I like that hand". She gets his mask off, and he's like "nooo you know how insecure I feel without the mask >:((((". So many knives. I mean so many knives get put into this man. He can fit so many. One is in his hand and he RIPS HIS HAND IN HALF to choke her after she slit his throat. I don't know how effective choking would be with a hand that fucked up but oh well.

"Do it pussy," she says as she's getting flashbacks to every previous movie, and I'm so happy I watched none of them and just this one. It's all I need. Allison comes in and slits his wrist. I was groaning. "Come on, you think that will work? What next? Is the blood gonna start seeping back into his cuts?" But apparently bloodletting keeps him down for a while.

Cops show up, "Micheal" "He's dead" "Not dead enough", THANK YOU ALLISON I LOVE YOU SO MUCH.

There's this big procession of cars, everyone's there. We cut to several faces that would be familiar if I watched anything else in this series. I was like "oh my god it's just like End Game. Everyone's here and I don't care"

BUT GUESS WHAT? THEY THREW MIKEY IN THE SHREDDER!!! No fake outs, no Mikey getting up and murdering an entire town, HE WAS SHREDDED!! YESSSSSSSSSS! BEST MOVIE!!

I was a little bit in doubt. It's a slasher film, after all.

Allison tells Laurie that she believes her that Corey was bad now bc she just watched Heathers and took some notes.

There was a knock on the door or a ring of the doorbell, I don't remember, and I'm like "better not fucking be Corey, he got his privileges revoked".

It wasn't, it was Laurie's boyfriend. Oh yay. That man didn't die.

Okay. My attitude towards death in slasher films? I just like when unimportant characters aren't killed for the sake of it. It pleases me because it subverts my expectations. With films like these, you can only really trust that a character will survive if they are a murderer, which bores me. I like innocent randos living against the odds.

They cut to every room in the house, and I know that it was to show "look at all these rooms that were destroyed, now they are back to normal" but... Laurie... please move. Also I was expecting Mikey in any one of those rooms, but there was only his mask kept as a trophy, I assume. WHAT THE FUCK SHRED THAT, TOO. The continued existence of the mask is sequel bait, I know it's literally called "The End" but I have trust issues.

So? Pros? Okay, loved Corey and Mikey's relationship, it was funny. Just a couple of rowdy boys tussling in the sewer cave. Laurie is my bias. THEY SHREDDED MIKEY!!!!! YESSSSS!!!! Cons? I CAN IGNORE THEM BC THEY SHREDDED MIKEY!!!!

[xamaxenta]

RE au again but near the finale of the actual game Leon briefly saves Ada n its rly cheesy awwuah i guess this is where the au turns into MAS

Just for the concept of Ace saving Sabo from his silly sexy predicament of being tied up as bait and Ace falls for it cuz they have history

Tells Marco to wait for him, stay safe he trusts him and Marcos staring at Sabos unconscious ass strung up like i am totally not jealous but who the fuck is he? Explain!! Slightly mad Ace is just gonna ditch him for some random mysterious sexy spy dude just like that

Ace wants to clear up the misunderstanding but man. He does not have time for this and just turns to grasp Marcos hand like please, let me do this, i cant let him die, ill be back promise

And marco lets him go like fine you better save them and me

So Ace takes the obvious trap, rescues Sabo who in return, protects Marco for him whilst Ace fights the big bad who inevitably transforms into a gigantic spiky tentacle wielding eldritch horror

Marco unsure why Sabo is doing this for him bc seeing as their leader is threatened, all the other uglies have crawled out of their little hideyholes for a last attempt to retake Marco and reinfect him

Sabo fends off a swarm and turns back to Marco, he has a slight limp in his step, “because hero boy seems to like you alot.”

“That doesnt answer my question.” Marco ducks behind Sabo, evading the barrel of his gun whilst simultaneously taking cover from the spray of hot gore

Sabo glances down at him and unholsters a small firearm, “Make yourself useful, i dont care much for babysitting like he does, he might think its cute but I dont. Safetys on the side i trust daddy taught you how to point and shoot.”

Snorting Marco checks over the little pistol and stands up, back to back shoulder to shoulder with the other blonde “youre actually alot nicer than I thought youd be.” He takes aim and shoots something squirming out of the darkness until it stops whatever creepy shit it was about to do. Its more satisfying than he had expected,

“Ugh.” Sabo tuts, the reverb recoil of his own gun thuds beneath Marcos ribs and in a way it feels comforting, maybe hes just used to it now, but its nice to know Sabo’s not just going to leave him for the monsters

“I just hate owing people shit.” Sabo says eventually after popping three zombies neatly in the head. A fourth bullet betwen the third ones eyes just as it began to squirm into a second form

“Suuure,” Marco couldnt keep the amusement out of his voice even if he tried, sabo says nothing.

Down on the docks below the monster roars, the shockwave of its vocalisation shakes the metal scaffolding blowing the two survivors back across the rusty surface

“Thats our cue to move on down,” sabo holsters his weapons and grabs Marco by the wrist before he can protest

Taking cover beneath a rocky outcrop, Marco peers down through the sea fog and encroaching night to see the flicker of Ace’s gunfire tear through the plague, if he hadnt spent so much time with the man, Marco wouldve thought him stupid fearless, but he knows Ace is just as human as the rest of them, he’s noticed the way his hands shake whenever a big fight comes up, hes seen the set of his jaw when he hears a hoard—

“He’s really too much.” Sabo mutters, Marco glances at him but Sabos already turned away searching for something hidden inside the stacked storage crates beside them, he secretly agrees though.

To his surprise and also not surprise Sabo unearths something that could truly be classified as heavy firepower.

“Wait here,” sabo hefts the rocket launcher over one shoulder

“Tired of me already?” Marco teases and Sabo rolls his eyes

“No, the shrapnel this baby can set off could kill you. Better safe than sorry.”

Marco wants to say more but Sabos already vaulted over the scaffolding, its amazing really how the both of them can run head first into danger like that, he refuses to think about how its all for him and his safety.

[thedisablednaturalist]

I just put this in the replies of another post talking about how the ER hates chronically ill people but ill put it here as well

Also adding that they were able to see me immediately and gave me my own private room and many of the nurses were goofing around in the hallway. I told the doctor I was feeling a tiny bit better and she told me I looked a lot better and the nurse taking out my IV said oh then I guess I don't have to feel bad about this *she proceeded to RIP OUT THE IV AND BANDAGES SUPER HARD* and then I think she made a joke about putting me back in pain but I dont remember what it was exactly. It was like "time to put you back in pain" or something

Apparently I'm all better now because I could talk and breathe shallowly and was no longer screaming and crying and literally throwing up whenever I moved and was instead still shallowly breathing and quietly crying because I was too tired to cry. They found one issue and immediately discharged me. I can't sleep because I'm scared it will happen again and it was so painful I thought I would die so im afraid ill die if i fall asleep. My dad and I told them over and over my chronic illnesses have never gotten this bad but they still decided to blame it all on my uti and existing chronic illnesses. I wish they at least held me till morning to make sure their treatment works (antibiotics and iv steroids bc I told them I usually get steroid injections for my back). They didn't even ask if I felt safe to go home, they just discharged me. I felt bad for keeping my dad there at the time and I was pressured into leaving so I signed the papers but in hignsight I probably could've refused the discharge somehow.

These nurses were not overworked, were paid well, it was a slow night, they had plenty of beds, (i learned this from listening to my dad chatting with several nurses and the doctor throughout the stay). This treatment is not due to necessity. This treatment is ableism and ignorance and lack of giving a shit and is so much worse in places where the nurses ARE actually overworked and the hospital is underfunded and overcrowded.

Also if ERs are indeed "for people dying" then why wont they move me to long term stay? Where are those rooms? Is my pain not bad enough for long term care until they figure out what's wrong? Like i get its expensive but i cant fucking do this anymore. Why are those of us with chronic illnesses not admitted or at least given the option for admittance? Why is it only in tv shows and movies where this happens? And everyone assumes it happens bc they are led to believe this, so when you tell them the hospital won't help they think you are lying for attention. Because of course every doctor is like dr. House and will work tirelessly to figure out whats wrong and fix you. Even in this horrible pain where i literally couldn't breathe I didn't want to go to the ER until my parents and boyfriend begged me. We get called stupid and stubborn for not going in the worst of our pain, and then when we do go we are just kicked right back out with a huge bill.

my mom keeps trying to get me to go to the ER when im having a flare up and i have no idea what to tell her.

because ive BEEN to the ER before. you wanna know what they did? while i was sweating, shaking, and sobbing, curled in a ball of pain?

they asked me if i was on my period. when i told them no, they asked me if i was pregnant.

when i told them no, because i wasn't sexually active, they forcibly tested me anyways, and then when it came back negative said, "well maybe you should just take a few deep breaths", gave me liquid ibuprofen, and sent me home.

disabled people, in this particular situation disabled afabs, are never fucking listened to.

the ER staff literally LAUGHED at me multiple times. they pointed at me when i was having one of the worst episodes of my life and snickered.

so no, i do not want to go to the fucking ER. my heating pad, ice packs, and nausea meds are going to help me more than anything a hospital could do.

[solardick]

I see. Card letter Rr temperance would fallow card letter Xx-rus. Except that in this case card Cc claims captivating.

Take card Xx-rus. The cherub and the toil. Trees are bare. Whats left on the top is out of reach. Everythign else is dead or picked clean. The peaks speak of christmas. And a place of warmth. The cherub. Gardian of the gate to the gardennof eden. In this case. The tops. To be reserved. For cheer and holi. Prob’em issue is here with the person toiling, encumbered. There’s no reservation. All consumption. In this case, as a c’ash, speaks for the cherub to say. “Uh, no.”

But i foond somethign fun too.

Card letter Фф, for at the moment,- ehich originally gave letter F to the emperor. And yes that works.- but here in this case card letter Bb, is being used for the jcuzen set. As images a man behind a table. Card letter Cc as the virgin priestess. With the old letters BcD on it. And card letter Ww the moon card, to all be tied up with card letter Дд, russian Dd.

A curios for the symbols Фф compared the Bb. Purely symbolically speaking of the form.

Im pulling the moon card out completly. Fuck that card. The only thing boiling up to the surface for me is my pecker.

But, guess this feeling is here to stay to remind me hiw they wasted over 25 years of my life. Neglected my childhood to shit and then raped me. Somy entire existance from birth on is nothing but bs by ither people fucken around with my existance. I dont want to be alive anymor w

Sorry i selflessly helped out a member of the opposite sex yesterday. I deserve to feel like i just got fucked up the ass all night.

Im juts going to

Start trashing awomen and fagskets from now on. Like it matters on my karma.

Ive been being treated as trash simce i was born. 40 years later nothings changed. Well it dorsnt seem to have anything yo do with ciggareetes. Might ascwell keep smoking. Ive barely snoked at all in four days. And its wirse now than it has for the last couple weeks. Oh its a mars venus aspects again. Lets give him another dose of dick in ass desease. Instant suicidal idealization. Motovation to boot.

Y’all traininf me like a fuxken dog.

Yay. Another biolent putburst. Rape me sone mote. Its bever been that intense in the morning.

Honna lise my shit one day and go on a killing spree.

I got a few neighbours that need to go. My ebyire family needs to go. The history tracher from highachool neesa to go. And along with have the people ive ever met withholding personall information about me from me with sly cicksuckers smiles. They all need to die too.

Its ok myqyeer side doesnt have any moral barriors. Thats whyni killed it when i was 14. That blond from the billards…. List fgoes on.

But i want to take my sweet time with my father and two ilder brothers. My mother can watch and lise ger sanity. And then ill tell how much i love her.

Hurry up nato get russia to throw a preliminary warning missile to the states. It’ll get shot down but the message would have been made.

Im sick of being alive anyway. All there is in the world is fucken harm to my person. Everywhere ive ever beensince my first memeory. The only

Consistency ive evwr had.

Well, nit so much, they’re doing a miraculous job at ruining my entire existence, my will’s been broken for over 25 years. And all they do is make such it never mends.

This dick and ass desease theyve given me. Is just going to keep me in a self-destructive spiral away from nirvana. Which is just a infantile glowing golden light.

And there s nothing i can do about it. Just dwell on 40 years of sick memories. And people

Laughing at me.

Look at this crap.

The only way this chart makes any sense is the natural system. Or (whole -1=aries) what a load of crap. I dont want this. Send it back.

Keep the fire burning for a long lost hope.

No family, no fun, no growth. Juno and vesta. Before ine walks into pluto. And saturn cutting the bud of any solar acheivement. Wanting peace, calm and goid things. Held back into the shadows of scorpio and orhers peoples bs. Mars goes to the moon for somwthing substantial yet, destructive and intoxicating. Pluto pluing into neptune as the midheaven. Creating his reputation for him.

Jupiter is a sham and doesnt makevany sense other than a large group of people making the decisions. In opposition to nessus. And the poison seeping in from his desperation and misery and reactions from all the chaos and harm to his person. From all the stress.

Any harm done by him. Is emmidiatly fallowed by care and concern. Which is mostly fue to other peoples interference. Even if its disrupting their peace. “ i didn’t want to intrude…” i dont mean to offend” or. I wasn’t aware. Because its slways hardship. They can play nice. But they just quip in that saturn at the end.

Pholus opposition vesta. Hahah. They’ll make you lose the flame everytime. And then things get dark. Anddsly smiles come out from perversion grooves of mildread.

It says. There is no help.

And yet at the end of any connection. A flame is lit. A good deed is made. Before being forced in by external forces by obsessive personalities. It’s the same light he tries to share withanother. Holding their hand watching them die. And moving on. But it is not his power. And the forced changes are never pleasant and nothing good comes out from them. He can still look back at that one “last” lit flame and know that he is still himself.

If thats the power of the hermit. I know him better than anybody.

Seeing how his family is leo/cancer dominant. They run the monopoly as being the source of toxicity. The nessis chariclo whathave you. Stelium on 14 leo. Conjuncts the pluto of his pstents. The mother is uranus in sag. She being a sag. Always home. Always absent beyond her erratic tendencies of violent outbursts. Off away in another faraway land inside her head. Yet gifting him an appreciation for beautiful things. Father is cancer and leo. Alwaysl absent. Never present. Erratic and violent himself. As he was never home. Always off in some far land somewhere fucken his hookers. So they’re both uranus.

Both distant relatives that you dont know very well but, you do know they exist.

….. juno, the asteroid of anothe rof jupiter consorts, signifier of marriage, commitment and pregnancy, conjunct the descendent. Point of paterneships and marriages. In the personal experimece in which it is found to history as his father holding the torch of marriage to a dead relationship. Seeing to his life’s work goes to the support of his memory. Though shat over every other part of it. Same one i carry seems to be. But to personal experience. Theres not much to trust. Cant count on the line up of women set and pressed to dis-stress any positive attachment to. But they all seem to be women in the whole spectrum of age fertility. In the last few years. A woman, with a child, a baby, or a soon to be. The older ones are better. Carry the torch through the rough. See to the necessities.

But, needs or way over there, compassion, temperance as she really is. The virgin priestess. As all new mothers are. All the choas and roughhousing the spyche lead to needs of peace and calm and absence of family and harm not harmony. It was all scorpio shit. The sex becomes flaccid theres too much negative energy being stung out of there that there can be no loving attendance.

They can gift wrap it in rainbows and corrupt the core by letting the victim invite dracula in his home. Kind of hard to be one with nature.

Y is counted as a consonant but plays its part as a vowel. In -ony, as in one, ona, oni, onu, ono, its really only one, with an e, thats starts with a w-y sound. As one may get from Yne. Pronounce Y with ne. If you get when. Then. Thats acceptable too. May call the final judgement card harm and harmony. Man and woman. The eerie part of it is. It has a time. Resolute, it intimidates.

But, all torches aside. Im not going to survive.

And that is him. All bundled together in aries. Everything else outthere. Isnt him.

He’s not going to be alive no more, he’s gonna be dead

Sing with me. Bring some holi into this bs. 🎶he’s not going to be alive no mo-re. He is going to be dead. 🎶

Hurry up ww3 so people can leave me the fuck alone.

🎶dick in ass desease. He‘s gonna be dead.🎶

He‘s not gonna be alive no more. He’s gonna be dead. He’s not gonna be alive anymore. He’s gonna be dead. 🎶 why is he at work? He has nothing to fo but walk around and sing.

All he wants to donis sooth his ass. But its a futile endeavor because its chronic. And he’ll end up doing nothing else but fiddling with his ass every day. Multiple times a day. Not a life worth living

Just a while longer. Ans he can be dead. He’s not surviving this life. He was never foing to. It was alreasy before he was born. He’s a dead man.

All he can do is game. And even that is hoghly conditionign and manipilative of the psyche but its the only thing he can do to forget about suicide.

[stephs-place]

If I was anything different, if I had been born right, if I was just a mentally ill girl named Sophie, maybe then I wouldn’t be sitting here. I ignored it for so long. I tried to forget who I was through a phase of it all, but it’s never been any use

Cause girls like me don’t understand how to stop thinking, cause girls like me don’t understand how to wake up and face what they aren’t. I hate that stupid bathroom. I hate those fucking mirrors. I hate how everyone looks at me. I hate how the hair covers my body. I hate how it sticks out like disgusting black worms. I hate how they don’t understand me. I hate how he acts like I don’t spend every day thinking about all the things I’m not. I hate that I don’t blame him for worrying. I hate that I can’t just muster the courage to cover myself in beautiful red lines, crags in the flesh divine in their sacrilegious admiration for things I unendingly desire. I drive myself mad at the thought of what I’ve missed, I drive myself mad at all the things I’ll continue to miss.

So I guess if you’ve ever wanted to improve, if you’ve ever wanted to be more like yourself, if you’ve ever wanted to do something fucking right for once, if you’ve ever craved the attention of people you’ve never met. If you dream of holing yourself away. If you think about killing yourself every fucking day. If you ever just want to rip your own fucking face off. If your nerves ever put you in a chokehold as you start to feel that uncomfortable fucking itch.

I puke out my guts like it’ll fix my broken mental state. I can’t think a real thought to save my life, and I can’t stop running my mouth like a fucking asshole whenever someone gives me the opertunity to express something.

I feel so fucking alone

I feel so horribly alone

I can’t seem to make up my mind

I can’t seem to figure out what’s right

If my hair ever falls out, if im stuck like this for the rest of my life, if I never get to escape, if I stuck like this fucking monster, this inescapable beast incapable of conscious thought or proper behavioral patterns. If only I was born the right way. I’d only I was right, if it only it didn’t hurt to see my reflection, if only I didn’t repeat my fucking words. If only I wasn’t repeating topics like some broken fucking record screaming out to end the pain. I want to feel something real, I want to feel knife to my skin. I want to feel a reason to leave. I want to walk out on this night and just keep going, step after step until I no longer feel like such a fucking freak.

Cause my hair is fucking matted, and I can’t seem ever shave close enough, and I think that soon enough people will get tired of how much I’ve been fucking up. So I wonder if I’ll ever be correct, so I wonder if I’ll ever be correct. I wonder if I’ll ever get better, if I’ll ever be institutionalized for failures at perseverance. Cause I know my dad thinks I’m a coward, and I know my mom thinks I’m an embarrassment. Cause I know they’ll never accept me for being who I am. Cause I never got over that stupid fucking girl who I made the mistake of ever sitting next to. Cause I never figured out why the though of intimacy scares me so bad and why I still wonder sometimes if I could ever actually stay with someone for the rest of my life and yet now I’m still in a situation where I might have too and it’s so fucking scary because what if I do stay and what will happen to me and will he just use me and use me and use me and use me life she did. Cause what if he just does that, what if he just uses me like she did. What if he’s using me right now, what if my only desire is to overdose next to a broken German girl. What if I don’t want to face the fact that he’s going to die long before me, and the fact that if I stay with him and watch him decline I know I’ll never be able to recover, I know I’ll never be a person again after that, I know I’ll be broken beyond repair, and what if I just keep going because there’s so much on my mind. And what if today was like the second time I’ve cried this week, and what if tje thought of that is just making me want to cry more. Why does the thought of that make me want to cry more, what fucking bitch cry’s so much, why isn’t she just strong why can’t she just be fucking normal.

:)