#guaranteed i am not going to get the outcome i need and yet i keep hoping i will when there is ZERO chance my needs will be met. like it’s

[pepprs]

im actually fucked like for real. lol

[fallingdownhell]

Genshin men react to the 'Do I look fat?' question.

Oh boi.. Good luck to them..

Characters Included: Cyno; Kaeya; Wanderer

Content: gender neutral reader; slight cursing; comfort; but overall good feelings and vibes; insecurities mentioned; Wanderer is a bit of an ass, but he makes up for it (a little bit)

Word count: 1,6k words

Have fun!

Cyno

You were nervous. Really, really nervous.

What the reason is, you ask?

Well, picture this.. your relationship with the General Mahamatra is relatively new. You have only been dating him for about two months, keeping a low profile in public since the both of you didn't want it to be known quite yet.

You were content with that, but now, suddenly, Cyno told you that he wanted to introduce you to his best friend, Tighnari.

Which, to you, was a big fucking deal!

Obviously, you planned to show the best side of you, wanting to impress and convince his best friend that you weren't with Cyno for any sort of benefits, but that you really liked him and were serious about him.

You were standing in front of the mirror in your bedroom for hours now, trying on every possible outfit at your disposal, yet nothing seemed to satisfy you enough.

There have been a few pieces where you thought they might be okay, but just okay simply wasn't good enough.

Cyno was already done, waiting for you in the living room so you could leave, but you weren't nearly done. A complete bundle of nerves, to be exact.

Now, you finally had an outift on that you were more satisfied with then the others before. You spun around in front of the mirror, looking at yourself from every possible angle, trying to decide wether this was good enough or not. But you soon came to the conclusion that you just couldn't decide for yourself.

You needed a second opinion...

"Cyno?", you called, and from the approaching footsteps, you knew he had heard you.

Soon after, he entered the room, looking at you questioningly.

"Yes, my love? What is it?"

"Do I look fat in this?", you asked, hoping for some kind of positive affirmation that you so desperately needed right now.

Obviously taken aback by the question, Cyno took a few seconds before he hesitantly answered.

"Not really? You look like you usually do, it's fine."

Your expression quickly sank at his answer, and Cyno could immediately tell that this was the wrong answer.

"Babe..", but before he could say anything further, you were yelling at him, shoving him out of the room.

"Get out! I have to change again! I can't wear this!"

You threw the bedroom door closed as soon as he was outside, and for a few moments, Cyno stood there, dumbfounded. He had absolutely no idea what just happened there, but he knew that he said the wrong thing.

"(Name), I'm sorry. You don't need to change out of anything. You look positively breathtaking.", he said through the closed wooden door.

He kept quiet and listened. Judging by the lack of movement coming from inside, he thought his words might have some effect on you.

".... sure?"

"What was that, my love?"

"...Are you sure? I wanna look good when I meet your best friend."

"(Name), I can absolutely assure you that Tighnari is not going to care about what you're wearing. And besides, you look good in anything to me."

He waited for a few more seconds, then the door slowly opened again, revealing you to him, still wearing the same outfit as before.

"Are you really sure about that? One hundred percent?"

"Yes, I am.", he smiled at you, grabbing you by the wrist and pulling you out of the bedroom.

"Now, we have to get moving, or we'll be late. And that, I can guarantee you, would piss him off."

Kaeya

Kaeya has had his fair share of relationships in his time, so he knows that once this question leaves your lips, there are only two possible outcomes for him.

One, you simply ask him this dreaded question because you're bored and just want to see his reaction to it. In which case, he would walk away relatively unscathed, but he still had to be careful to not tick you off.

Or two, you were being absolutely serious and genuine. Which would definitely mean his demise as no matter what he was going to say, you would most likely spin it around in another direction so he would be the blamed party no matter what.

And right now, with the way you were looking at him from your spot, laying on his lap, it seems like the second option was the most likely one.

"Kaeya?", you asked, looking up at him. At the lack of response, you turn onto your stomach, now looking at him intently.

The man in question was still thinking about a possible answer, not wanting to upset you in any way since in his eyes, you were absolutely adorable and beautiful, but that didn't mean that this was what you wanted to hear from him.

However, as he kept silent, you thought this to be his answer, and you started to feel dejected.

"I see..", you say as you start to get up from his lap, which caused Kaeya to pull you back, confused and also in a slight panic.

"Hey, wait. Where do you think you're going, gorgeous?"

You scoff at that nickname. "You don't have to lie to me, you know. Your lack of response was loud and clear."

You refuse to look at him as your mood got even more sour the more you thought about it.

"I'm sorry babe, but my silence wasn't for that reason. I was merely trying to find the right words to tell you how beautiful I think you are."

You scoff again, but this time, it's not as snarky as before, and he thinks he can hear a faint glimmer of hope in there.

"...you really mean that?"

"Of course! Would I ever lie to you, darling?"

You finally look at him, even if it was only to shoot him an obvious glare.

He smirks at that. "Okay, okay. But I would never lie to you about something important, I promise you that. And you, (name), are the most important person in this world to me. So, please believe me when I say that you're absolutely perfect."

At that, your cheeks suddenly feel warm as you lay down with him again, the doubts that had previously filled your mind starting to grow weaker and weaker in his presence and thanks to his reassuring words.

Wanderer

Oh boy, is he not good with relationships. He does not know how to take a hint or how to sugarcoat his words. Even if he means good for you, his words sometimes come out as harsh.

You usually just ignore it, knowing that he's just watching out for you in his own, weird way. But there are days, where you're not able to just brush past his words, especially when they were touching on a subject you were particularly sensitive about.

It wasn't a common occurance for your boyfriend to take you out to eat like today. Usually, the two of you always cook at home, rather enjoying the process and the fun you manage to make during it.

Today however, he said he wanted to treat you for a nice meal out, and how were you to refuse such an invitation. On top of that, you haven't really had a proper meal for the past two days thanks to your workload, so you were absolutely hungry.

You ended up ordering more than you would normally eat, but since you had been neglecting your stomach for quite some time, you were able to eat all of that, no problem.

The Wanderer watched you silently as you were eating, but you could tell that he wanted to say something. It was practically written all over his face.

"What?", you decided to say between bites, curiously looking at him.

He seemed to think for a few seconds before he spoke up. "Don't you think you're eating a bit too much?"

At his question, you stop for a second, swallowing down the bite you had in your mouth.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, you should tone it down and not make this a habit. You don't want to gain any more weight, right?"

Suddenly, your appetite was all gone. The food that had been looking so delicious in front of you now made you want to throw up just by looking at it.

"So... you think I'm fat?"

At that question, he looked up again to face you, and as he saw you, he immediately knew he just fucked up.

Big time.

The way you looked so sad at him, so defeated, made him feel like his nonexistant heart just shattered inside him.

"No! That's not... Fuck!"

You just silently nod, pushing the plate in front of you away, falling back against your comfortable chair.

The Wanderer sighed next to you, pulling his chair closer to yours as he pushed the plate back towards you.

"I'm.... sorry. That came out totally wrong. I fucked that up.

No, I don't think you're fat, you're most definitely not. I shouldn't have commented on that."

"Yeah, you shouldn't have."

You agree with him, but the fact that you were responding at all to him, meant that you weren't that mad with him. At most, annoyed. But not utterly mad. That was a good thing.

"Can you forgive me?", he asked as he pushed the plate closer yet again, urging you to continue with your meal.

You rolled your eyes at him as you reluctantly leaned forwards, picking up your utensils again.

"I'll think about it."

That's enough for him. He smiles as he leans back again, continuing to watch you again.

He still has much to learn about this whole relationship and communication thing...

[gem-de-lune]

Chit Chat and Updates

Hey guys, how are you all doing? I hope you are keeping strong!!

I have a few things I wanna cover for today.

1. I plan to do a reading today focusing on us and what we can still do that can ultimately have an effect and support RII7E.

As many of you know, I am unable to proceed with the usual method i use due to the sensitivity of the situation and there being some boundaries in place. But I am still monitoring and trying to see what little bits I can divulge when possible. Until then, we will be focusing on us.

Similarly and not related to this, I will reiterate to new people- Please do not ask:

When will SH come back?

What are the chances SH will come back?

Will SM bring him back?

When will SM bring him back?

The answer to all of these is: it depends on how long and hard we fight for the outcome. If we give up it is 100% over. Please do not ask me these questions. Instead of wanting an easy answer lets ask HOW we can make it happen, yes? I want to support everyone but we cannot just sit around hoping the outcome we want comes naturally and use a guaranteed answer as a means for motivation...that's like only studying bc you know you will get 100%. Who does that? Not only is it impossible to guarantee something with 100% certainty, but it just incites complacency. We don't need that.

2. Recently, as yall may know, I have been on the bird app to post my readings and incite some motivation....but good god, i am reminded of why I absolutely detest that app. The hyper consumption of knowing everything going on, both good and bad- yet still being within a tiny bubble community is so so so emotionally draining and even though I understood this was the cause of a lot of your negativity and depression before, I FEEL it now. I am not depressed or anything abt the situation in my personal realm, but it's more like I am forced as an empath to feel everyone else's feelings with every new post. It is soul sucking and gut-wrenching.

I wanted to stay updated and just help people, but it's insane the amount of literal life sucking energy that app has even amongst the silly bits.

So i want to say this to yall: PLEASE GET OFF OF TWITTER SOMETIMES.

Get your news, get your general vibe, like some posts, and gtfo until you need another BRIEF checkup. The longer you scroll, the more it sucks you bone dry and the more likely you see stupid things that make you upset.

Please please please get off there sometimes and spend some time in nature outside or at least on Tumblr.

My blog, while I wanted it to be a safe and positive space, has become a little tension filled due to this vibe i have been carrying with me, and i want it to end. I will be doing what I stated above too bc gosh, I really need my safety bubble back.

I hope you all heed this advise a little. It's okay to stay updated but scrolling for hours is not necessary and is going to take a toll of you mentally and emotionally even if you are not an empath.

3. I am thinking of doing live readings.

Idk abt the logistics yet, but I'm thinking a voice call situation so people can ask things realtime (this is lowkey bc i am tired of typing lately, hehe but pls do not blame me)

Some options are a Discord or maybe even just voice notes for my tumblr readings. Idk though. Yall lmk if you would bee interested in those!

I could also do little beginner lessons for new readers on a live format since some of yall are interested in learning tarot. It could be fun! Lmk if yall have any ideas.

That's all for now, I hope yall are doing okay. Just trust and wait!

For the outro pic, here is a pic of the cutest manhwa cat i have ever seen from this manhwa i have been reading lately:

Love yall!! 🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵

[weyrwolfen]

Caveat Emptor: Chapter 2 - Corpus Delicti

Rating: T

Characters: Gen, Commanders Fox, Thorn, Thire, and Stone

Warnings: canon-typical violence; references to self-harm, injuries, loss of autonomy

Previous chapters can be found here on Tumblr or here on Ao3

“You’re going to let it in to see the Chancellor, but not me?” Senator Corval shouted at the Senate guard, red-faced and spitting. “Don’t you know who I am?”

The natborn guard, a lieutenant from the markings on his blue uniform, replied, “Of course, Sir, but there has been an incident, and the Chancellor’s schedule had to be cleared. Now, if you would just–” The rest of the perfectly polite, placating line of strill osik cut out as the door slid shut behind Fox.

He hadn’t been arrested on sight and dragged off for interrogation yet. So far, so good.

The CSF investigators had set up just inside the Chancellor’s front lobby, away from any awkwardly prying eyes. They took down Fox’s designation number, assessed his baseline biometrics (clone standard, but protocols were protocols), had him remove his gloves and gauntlets for full handprint scans, and then asked him to step onto a sheet of tacky flimsy to record his boot tread (also clone standard, who would have guessed). Then they handed him a pair of disposable covers for his boots, forewent the sterile gloves given his existing armor, and sent him on with terse, borderline rude instructions to not touch anything and to leave the investigation to the trained professionals.

Because of course the CSF would be all over this situation. Right up until it looked like something might go wrong or make them look bad, and then the responsibility and the blame would get dumped in Fox’s lap.

Except Fox needed Guard eyes on this investigation right from the beginning. He needed a way to guide the narrative, to protect himself and his men from the blowback he could see coming from a lightyear away.

He needed to know what he, what CC-1010, had done.

Breathe, in and out, and calm.

Without evidence, he didn’t know anything. Maybe they’d find the Chancellor sleeping off a tainted spice bender in a broom closet somewhere. That was a common enough issue around the Senate that Thorn had worked up a standard protocol for overdose clean up and cover up procedures.

Little gods, could they please find him drooling off a laced spice rip somewhere? At that moment, Fox couldn’t imagine a more ideal outcome. There was going to be a scandal no matter how this shook out, but at least that scenario would be effectively impossible to pin on the Guard.

Senate guards and the CSF were doing a pretty good job of keeping a lid on things so far. It wouldn’t last of course, especially with the way Corval was carrying on where anyone might overhear. Aides would gossip and rumors would spread until someone leaked the whispers to the press. Then someone would have to go make an official statement, and everyone would notice that the Chancellor still wasn’t in appearance.

And that was assuming the rules of Senate procedure wouldn’t force everyone’s hands even earlier. With the Chancellor missing, a timer was counting down. When it ran out, Mas Amedda would need to be sworn in, if only as a temporary guarantee of the continuation of powers. That would require justices and witnesses and a formal statement before the Senate itself.

Karking Sith-hells, today was going to be a nightmare. Maybe the CSF shabuire would welcome the extra manpower for once, instead of fighting over jurisdictional minutiae and acting like the Coruscant Guard all wanted to be here dealing with stuck up natborns instead of on the front lines, defending their brothers.

The covers barely fit over Fox’s boots; they hadn’t been designed with armor in mind. He had to lean awkwardly against the door frame to get them on correctly. Force karking forbid his armored shebs touch one of the museum pieces masquerading as ‘chairs’ in the lobby. He’d be decommed for his temerity on the spot.

Breathe. He just needed to sell the alibi Thire had prepped. Everyone was going to be on edge, given the circumstances. It was only expected that he would be too. He just needed to keep a reasonable handle on his composure, which was not too difficult a mission in the greater scheme of things.

Fox squared his shoulders, signaled one of the gloved CSF investigators to activate the door panel, and stepped into the Chancellor’s inner office.

For a moment, the only movement in the office came from the small camdroids that were scanning the opulent room to generate a three-dimensional model of the space. Fox found himself the subject of intense inspection.

Under the safety of his concealing visor, he returned the favor, scanning the space for potential threats as he made his way towards the front of the room and the expansive desk situated there.

Most of the people in the room were higher ranking CSF agents, performing tasks usually reserved for entry-level investigators and trainees. Every aspect of this case was going to be locked down for anyone without the absolute highest clearance levels. Fox noted their tension, their hostility towards him, but none of it struck him as particularly unexpected or noteworthy. This high-profile a case was going to make them even more territorial than usual.

Of more concern were the handful of Senate guards, who were watching everyone in the room with hair-triggered aggression. They also viewed the Coruscant Guard as unwanted competition and interacted with the clones only when forced. But now, something had happened to the Chancellor on their watch, and Fox would bet every credit he’d ever seen that the blame and finger-pointing was already being directed their way.

The ranking Senate guard on site looked to be Captain Axion, who appeared red-faced and furious at being pried from his cushy office by the unfolding catastrophe. Fox would need to handle this confrontation with extreme care. Axion would be looking for some third party upon whom he could saddle the blame, and as the last person on record having seen the Chancellor, Fox himself would be a very tempting target.

Even so, he was not the subject of Fox’s primary concern. The man standing in front of Captain Axion was.

From a distance, General Mace Windu looked like the very picture of Jedi composure and serenity. In closer proximity, there were lines around the man’s eyes and mouth that were hard to miss, if anyone cared to look beyond the stony expression, meticulously draped robes, and lightsaber.

Fox was usually very good at getting a read on other sentients, but he had only the most passing familiarity with the Jedi. He interacted with the Knights and Masters who liaised with the Senate regularly, but always at arm’s length. Despite his training, despite all expectations ingrained in him by the Kaminoans, he and his men had never been assigned a Jedi general. They belonged, first and foremost, to the Senate.

So Fox knew General Windu, but not well enough to get more than a cursory idea of his mental state. The Jedi’s faintly pinched expression could mean any number of things: annoyance, frustration, physical pain.

Fox just needed to remember his training, though he doubted the Kaminoans had meant for him to apply it to convincingly lie to a superior. Jedi could sense the emotional state of other sentients, and sometimes specific thoughts or intentions with focused effort, but they trained all their lives to block out that constant stream of psychic input. Fox just needed to avoid drawing enough suspicion to earn a deeper look. His primary hope was that his mental state would blend into the tense backdrop of fear and anxiety that everyone present was no-doubt leaking into the room.

Deep breath, stop two paces from the general, and salute. “CC-1010, reporting as requested, Sir.” Fox’s words, like his posture, were exactingly precise.

So much was riding on his ability to perform to perfection. All of his brothers were counting on him.

The General gave Fox a brief, assessing look, then nodded incrementally and said, “At ease, Commander… Fox, isn’t it?”

“Yes, Sir,” Fox said, not letting any of the surprise he was feeling leak into his voice. He was accustomed to dealing with Senators who insisted he use his designation number and others who preferred knowing his chosen name, but he had not expected the head of the Order to actually recognize him. That would require some adjustments. He settled into a crisp parade rest and waited for his orders.

The general’s mouth twitched, almost hinting at the very beginnings of a small smile, and he said, “Commander Ponds speaks very highly of you.”

This conversation was not going how Fox had been expecting. The last time he had seen Ponds, his brother had been signing four troopers out of the Corries’ drunk tank. Fox wouldn’t have described the interaction as particularly cordial, but he wouldn’t characterize their relationship as bad, per se. Just distant, these days, and not the kind of dynamic that would come up in casual conversation with a Jedi general. “We were batchmates, Sir,” Fox replied, because he had to say something and that piece of information seemed neutral enough.

“Hmm,” the general said, giving Fox a piercing, stomach-lurching look, but then he turned to one of the nearby CSF agents and gestured for the woman to join them.

The investigator, some near-human species with translucently pale skin, magenta hair, and widely-spaced, exceedingly large eyes, rose from where she had been scanning something on the floor and handed the device off to a colleague.

“Inspector Svaryoskya has been compiling a record of the Chancellor’s known whereabouts yesterday,” General Windu said, nodding to the woman when she stepped forward to join the group. “If you could please make your report to her?”

“Of course, Sir,” Fox replied cooly, forcibly crushing down the spike in anxiety he felt at the prospect. He pivoted to face the CSF inspector. “Ma’am?”

Inspector Svaryoskya looked thoroughly put off by having to speak to him at all, but she at least made the effort to school her features into something vaguely professional and said, “If you would come with me?”

Fox followed her to a pair of temporary folding tables which had been set up to hold and organize samples and equipment. No doubt it had been done to avoid contaminating useful evidence from the pre-existing surfaces in the office. It took her a moment to set up what looked like a compact, holorecording device and synch it with a datapad while Fox waited, again assuming a meticulously correct position of parade rest.

The device beeped once and then lit up, scanning the immediate area with a wave of blue light before recognizing the two sentients standing in closest proximity to it and focusing in on their positions. Looking over the investigator’s shoulder, Fox could see a time stamp and a blinking record icon appear at the top of the datapad.

She pressed the icon and straightened, facing Fox head on and said, “Inspector Yana Svaryoskya, interviewing.” Her eyes settled somewhere on the level with Fox’s respirators, and she continued, “Please state your designation and rank for the record.”

“CC-1010, Marshal Commander of the Coruscant Guard,” Fox replied evenly. She did not request his name, and he did not volunteer it.

“Please explain the nature of your meeting with Chancellor Palpatine yesterday afternoon.”

Fox nodded and launched into the narrative Thire had provided for him, stitching together a few carefully crafted fabrications with as many verifiable facts as possible. “I was one of the commanders on site in the Senate yesterday, overseeing security for a scheduled press conference, when I received a report of surveillance outages affecting the security cameras in sector Thesh 16. Protocol dictates that such anomalies should be treated as intentional acts of sabotage until proven otherwise, so I transferred responsibility for the press event to a subordinate, forwarded a preliminary security alert to the Senate Guard, and went to assess the situation personally.”

So far, so good, but then everything Fox had relayed thus far had been entirely truthful. He reached into a pouch on his belt and pulled out the datastick Thire had pressed into his hands on the turbolift ride to the ground floor of the Guard’s compound. He held it out to the inspector, who took it gingerly and eyed it with some suspicion.

Fox clasped his hands behind his back again and continued with his report, leaning into the cooly professional tone and cadence he generally used around hostile natborns, “It rapidly became apparent that the outage was not the result of enemy action and was instead caused by an infestation of Scyvian barrow-rats in the conduits. That datastick contains a copy of the Guard’s report, detailing the steps taken to identify and mitigate the interruption, until repairs can be completed.”

And then, it was time to start in with the lies. Fortunately, Fox was a very talented liar. “I received a request for an update on the security alert.” Bless Thire, who was downstairs right now, coaching Odal on what to say if any CSF agent showed up looking for independent verification of Fox’s account, and bless Sear’s team of slicers, for seeding the Guard’s records with fabricated evidence to back up this story. Security alert confirmation requests were generally automated, so they were easy enough to falsify. His men had done the hard work, Fox just needed to trust them and do his part to drive the blade home. “The situation on site was stable, with repairs in progress and extra Guardsmen assigned to patrol the affected areas, so I was able to respond to the Chancellor’s summons immediately.”

“Are you often asked to make such trivial reports in person?” Inspector Svaryoskya asked, looking up from the datapad where she had been taking notes. Her tone hinted at disbelief and thinly veiled accusation.

“No, Ma’am, but the Chancellor does not consider security threats to the Senate to be trivial in nature,” Fox answered smoothly, which made the inspector’s fair skin flush with obvious displeasure. “May I continue?”

The inspector’s mouth thinned ominously, but she simply said, “Please do.”

Lie. Lie believingly, because more lives than his own depended on it. “The Chancellor was relieved that the outages did not represent an intentional security breach, but he was highly displeased about the infestation of vermin in a historic section of the Senate dome.” Fox could almost see it, the way the Chancellor’s mouth would turn down at the corners, the way his eyebrows would drop low over his too-cold eyes. How his voice would sound gently concerned, but also faintly disgusted. Even scornful. Mocking.

How the skin down the back of Fox’s neck would start to prickle with unease. How his heartrate would pick up and his vision would tunnel a little, instinctive reactions to a perceived threat.

Breathe. He was overreacting, as usual. This office always set him on edge on the best of days. He just needed to complete this report.

“He had specific questions about the nature and duration of the repairs. In total, the meeting lasted perhaps twenty minutes.” It had lasted twenty-three, Thire had made sure he was aware of the exact times he entered and exited the suite, but a rounded number sounded more casual, more off the cuff. More believable.

Inspector Svaryoskya tapped her stylus on the datapad, narrowed her eyes at whatever notes she had taken, and then continued her line of questioning.

Where had he gone after the meeting?

Back to Guard headquarters, to put together the report on the incident and to reorganize the day’s patrol assignments, to maintain the extra security in Thesh 16.

Had the Chancellor left the main office space, during the meeting?

No.

Had he recorded any aspect of his meeting with the Chancellor?

No, that would be a violation of Senate and Guard security procedures.

Had he seen anyone unusual or suspicious upon leaving the Chancellor’s office?

No.

Had the Chancellor seemed uncharacteristically nervous or distracted during the meeting?

No.

Can you take off your helmet?

No, that is against Guard protocols when a trooper is participating in an active, ongoing security crisis.

She peppered in questions about things Fox had already described, playing dumb in an attempt to trick him into revealing an inconsistency in his story. The strategy was a common one, and often effective, even to someone who was aware of the parameters of the game.

But Fox was very good at this. He always had been, even as a cadet.

When had his men realized the damage to the electrical conduits was not external sabotage?

What route did Fox take to get to the Chancellor’s office from Thesh 16?

How many Senate guards were stationed at the Chancellor’s door, when Fox arrived?

Fox answered them all, varying his words to make them sound less rehearsed. Not that he’d had time to rehearse anything, not with the Jedi insisting on his presence as soon as physically possible. But Thire’s foreshortened briefing had still been exceedingly thorough, and Fox had an excellent memory.

After a while, Inspector Svaryoskya started to look and sound vaguely impatient to have this interview over. Fox got the distinct impression that whatever she’d been hoping for, he hadn’t given it to her.

He did not sigh or let his shoulders droop with relief. He did not smile, even inside the privacy of his sealed bucket. He simply stood at a perfect parade rest and waited. The words which marked the end of a formal interview came fairly quickly after that.

Could he think of any other observations which might be pertinent to the investigation?

No.

Would he be available, if the CSF required any further statements from him?

Of course.

Finally he was given a comm code, to contact her if anything occurred to him at a later time, and with that, the inspector curtly tried to dismiss him.

It would be a sunny day on karking Kamino before Fox took orders from any CSF agent. He reminded her that he had been called here by General Windu, and so he would remain until he was dismissed by the ranking GAR officer on site.

The inspector had not been well pleased by that, but she also didn’t have the legal authority to kick him out of the suite. She also couldn’t demand that General Windu order him to leave, because the Jedi was currently having a very one-sided fight with Captain Axion. One-sided in that the captain was almost frothing at the mouth over something the Jedi was saying, while the general himself seemed just as sedate as ever. Perhaps a little darkly amused, if the way one corner of his mouth was twitching upwards was any indication.

Fox cooly agreed to take up a post in a very out-of-the-way corner of the room to await further orders.

He was happy to do so. The position gave him a rather good view of the space. He was very accustomed to fading into the background while standing a watch. Maybe these CSF agents believed the gossip that clones were basically droids wrapped in flesh, or maybe they just weren’t aware of his helmet’s capabilities, but it took them all of five minutes to start treating him like a piece of inconvenient furniture.

Fox just dialed up the input on his external mics, split his HUD so the left side was magnified ten times, and settled in to observe.

General Windu wanted to open the Chancellor’s desk and private quarters. Apparently he could feel something concerning coming from both places, even though his senses were being obstructed or confused for some reason. Captain Axion was of the opinion that the contents of the Chancellor’s desk, much less his personal rooms, were to be treated as state secrets. The Jedi informed the captain that he had already dispatched a representative to obtain a security release from acting Chancellor Amedda. Apparently the captain felt that this was an attempt to circumvent the Senate guard’s authority.

The two were clearly locked in a stalemate, waiting for those documents, so Fox shifted his attention elsewhere.

Two CSF agents were running samples through a very familiar field chem-analyzer. Maybe it still had all four of its supports and wasn’t propped up on one end with a broken piece of scrap floor tile, but it was functionally the same model Thorn had smuggled into Guard headquarters. Even the vials and evidence bags were the same, although these had bar-coded labels already affixed to each of them.

Apparently they weren’t finding much of anything interesting. The room was nearly spotless. They’d found a small patch of spilled liquid next to one of the chairs, but it appeared to be some kind of high-proof alcoholic beverage. There were occasional smears of mixed organics and aromatics on the desk and chairs around the room, all consistent with high-end lotions and perfumes. Interestingly, they had found a very small smear of blood on the front lip of the Chancellor’s desk, but it appeared to be weeks old and very degraded by cleaning agents, suggesting that it wasn’t relevant to anything that might have happened within the last planetary rotation. That wasn’t stopping the two investigators from speculating wildly about its source.

Two Senate guards were stationed in front of the side door, which led to the Chancellor’s private rooms. They weren’t talking and seemed just as tense and angry as the rest of their colleagues. Fox could only assume that the on-site security team had already swept the space for life signs, but to exclude it from the current investigation seemed idiotic.

Then again, he certainly didn’t want to be the officer responsible for giving the order to toss the Chancellor’s underwear drawer if he showed back up alive and well and furious about the invasion of his domain.

Another investigator was positioned just to the right of the room’s main door, doing something to the decorative sconce on the wall and muttering profanities to himself in mingled Basic and Pantoran. Fox was aware that there was a concealed exit behind that wall panel providing access to an emergency escape turbolift. It had been part of Fox’s initial security briefing back when he first arrived on Coruscant, but he’d never actually had need to enter the space.

He knew that the access button was concealed under a sliding panel, worked into the side of the decorative wall sconce. That had been part of the security briefing.

The fact that the panel tended to stick unless jiggled just the right way had not been part of that briefing. Apparently the CSF investigator did not know that. Fox had no reason to know that either.

Why did he know that?

The prickling down the nape of Fox’s neck increased, crawling down his back. A headache, the kind that never seemed to fully go away these days, sparked and flared behind his eyes, no doubt triggered by his increase in heartrate and his corresponding spike in his blood pressure. He needed to get a grip on himself.

Fox breathed slowly and deeply through his nose, as he’d been trained, but he nearly choked and coughed instead when that sent an unexpected trickle of hot, copper-tasting liquid down the back of his throat.

Blood.

Great, and now his kriffing nose was bleeding again, and there wasn’t a karking thing he could do about it with his bucket on. Hopefully it’d just stop on its own before he made too much of a mess of the inside of his helmet.

The main entrance from the lobby swished open, and a second Jedi strode into the room with a swagger like he owned the place.

Fox didn’t recognize this general, but his appearance was certainly distinctive enough that Fox shouldn’t have trouble figuring out the Jedi’s identity later. He was perhaps a shade darker complected than the average clone, with locs half-tied up to keep them out of his face, and a gold tattoo across his cheeks and the bridge of his nose.

The general held up a datapad as he neared General Windu and the still-incensed looking Captain Axion. “I’ve got the security release right here,” he said and then extended the ‘pad to General Windu.

General Windu turned the datapad around and briefly read its contents. “Everything seems to be in order,” he said, handing it to Axion to look over as well. He then walked around the desk as the captain looked at the document.

“I’ll get Verus to bring up the spare access keys,” Axion said, sounding very disgruntled about it.

“No need,” General Windu replied, and sure enough, there was a faint ‘snick’ sound and one of the side-drawers slid open, seemingly of its own accord.

Fox wondered if his brothers on the front lines ever got used to this kind of casual Force osik. He certainly found it uncanny as all kriff.

General Windu reached down to shift something aside with his actual hands this time and then paused, eyebrows rising slightly. “Vos, I need you to look at this,” he said, low enough that Fox’s bucket almost didn’t pick it up.

“Look at it, or touch it?” the other Jedi, Vos, asked, walking around the desk to stand next to his superior. Whatever was in the drawer earned a sharp intake of breath and a softly whispered, “Well kriff me.”

General Vos tugged off one of his gloves and reached for whatever it was that had the two Jedi so concerned.

“Now, see here…” Captain Axion started to object, but was almost immediately interrupted.

“I know the procedures,” General Vos said, hand hovering above the open drawer. “You can exclude my prints later, but this requires bare skin.” And then he reached down and grabbed… something. Fox couldn’t really see well from this angle, but whatever it was, the item was cylindrical and made of polished metals that simply screamed of extreme expense.

Fox was about to zoom in the view of his HUD further to get a better look, but General Vos gasped and, despite having just said that he was familiar with evidence collection procedures, proceeded to drop, almost throw, whatever the thing was back into the drawer.

The interaction had drawn the attention of several of the CSF investigators, a few of whom gasped out protests at the handling of… whatever it was, but neither Jedi seemed to be paying any of them the smallest bit of attention. General Vos’s head whipped up, expression shocked, and caught General Windu’s eyes. Something passed between them in silence, some understanding or communication, because General Windu just nodded and looked back at Captain Axion.

“We need to clear this space,” General Windu said in a tone like beskar.

For once, even Captain Axion seemed to recognize that arguing was probably not the best course of action. “You mean, all of us?” he asked faintly.

“Yes.”

“Into the lobby, or…”

“Out of the suite entirely.”

That did not sound promising. So much for not making an obvious scene in the public hallway outside of the Chancellor’s office. What the kriff was the problem?

For the CSF agents and Senate guards for whom General Windu’s stern gravitas didn’t quite do the trick, General Vos’s charming cajoling and occasionally unsubtle shooing got them moving. Fox hung to the back as General Vos herded the others out, until he could approach General Windu with some expectation of not being overheard.

“Sir, the Guard has specialized bomb disposal units, biological contaminant gear, sniffer massifs. Should I comm for backup?” he asked, trying to cover the most likely circumstances which might require evacuation of the entirety of the Chancellor’s suite.

He also actively tried not to think about how whatever that thing was had gotten into the Chancellor’s desk. And whether he, or rather CC-1010, had had something to do with it.

General Windu gave Fox an odd look, but he answered readily enough. “Thank you, Commander, but this will be a matter for the Council to handle. If you could set up a perimeter to isolate the rooms, that would help us greatly.”

“Of course, Sir,” Fox replied, wishing the reply had been a little less cryptic.

Seeing as how the general did not seem to be interested in leaving his current position, Fox turned to go execute his orders. However, he did spare a quick glance behind him on his way out of the room. General Windu had turned to face the wide windows behind the Chancellor’s desk, looking out over the sprawling cityscape of Coruscant. His hands were clasped firmly behind his back.

Fox palmed several pre-labeled, empty evidence bags from the supply table and slipped them into one of his belt pouches on the way out of the door.

“For kriff’s sake,” Thorn said when Fox pulled off his helmet. “You’ve just been bleeding in there, all day?”

Fox didn’t dignify that with a response. He could see exactly how bad he looked in the ‘fresher mirror without the helpful commentary. The lower half of his face, most everything below his sluggishly dripping nose, was covered in tacky, half-dried blood.

He just glowered at Thorn and held out a hand, silently demanding the cannister of pressurized armor cleaner his brother was holding.

“Fix your karking face,” Thorn said, handing him a small first aid kit instead. “I’ll clean out your bucket.”

Fox glowered at Thorn, but he wasn’t about to turn down an offer like that. He handed over his bucket and snatched the kit. His face felt sticky and itched ferociously. He dumped the kit, his gauntlets, and his gloves into a neighboring sink, and turned on the fancy faucet in front of him.

Thorn flipped Fox’s helmet over and took a look inside. Whatever he saw earned a low whistle, audible even through the vocoder. “You know, I could have grabbed you new filters if you’d told me it was this bad.”

Fox cupped his hands under the stream of water and splashed it on his face. It swirled down the drain, red-streaked and flecked with dried flakes of blood. He wet his hands again and started scrubbing at the worst patches. “Why, when I’m just going to keep bleeding into a fresh set?” Fox snapped, at the end of his rope with just about everything. He’d managed to stanch the flow a few hours back, when he took a quick fifteen count for a ration bar. It hadn’t lasted.

“Have you told Scav?” Thorn asked, shaking up the cannister and then spraying it into the interior of Fox’s helmet over one of the sinks. The internal electronics were sealed against breath condensation and other types of moisture, but there were limits, and this was going to be pushing them. Fox didn’t have the down time for a full work-over of his helmet, maybe Mags could loan him a spare. He hated the idea of wearing a shiny bucket, but it was better than a glitching HUD.

Fox opened up the medical kit and found the sterile astringent wipes inside. “And when, exactly, do you think I would have had time for that?” he growled, using one of the wipes to scrub at a patch of mostly dried blood in the bare beginnings of stubble on his chin.

“Find the time, or he’ll kill both of us and use our bodies for spare parts,” Thorn said, almost conversationally. Fox knew him too well to miss the legitimate concern riding under the dark humor.

And he also wasn’t wrong. There were all sorts of rumors around the Guard about how Scavenger had earned his name. Fox hadn’t ever bothered to confirm any of them.

Fox just grimaced. “I will, as soon as I can head back to base.”

When that might be was anyone’s guess.

It had been hours, and the Chancellor still hadn’t turned up passed out in some corner of the Senate dome.

Nor had any Separatist group claimed credit for either kidnapping the Chancellor or assassinating him, and they certainly would have if they had. It would be a massive morale boost for the CIS.

No ransom letter had arrived in the Senate’s mailroom.

No questionable stench had started wafting out of the air vents.

There had been a few developments though, not that Fox was able to put the pieces together into a coherent picture.

Several additional members of the Jedi Council presented themselves at the Chancellor’s office soon after Fox had left the suite and set up a defensive perimeter. He could not be certain, but he thought the group represented every councilmember currently on planet.

Perhaps half an hour later, three more Jedi arrived with crates on a hovercart, all emblazoned with warnings so aggressive they might as well have been overt threats.

An hour after that, acting Chancellor Mas Amedda had come to the office, with two extremely harried-looking aides, fresh off announcing his unexpected ascension to the office in front of the sitting Senate body. It was a zoo out there, but Stone was handling the security instead of Fox, because somehow that fragmentation grenade of a situation was still only the second most incendiary event currently erupting in the Senate dome.

He'd looked sour upon arriving and even more so when he left, aides straggling along behind him with two boxes overloaded with flimsi files and datapads. Fox assumed they were the confidential contents of Chancellor Palpatine’s desk.

Well, most of them. He was pretty certain the Jedi wouldn’t be turning over the mystery cylinder.

The containment crates left a few hours after that, each with two Jedi as escorts. Thorn had shown up in the middle of their departure, along with the next shift of fresh Guards. It had been as good a time as any to slip away for a quick conversation in the service ‘freshers.

At least his face was now semi-clean, even though a new streak of blood was starting to trickle out of his left nostril. He fished a few gauze pads, a tube of bacta gel, and two pain tabs out of the first aid kit. He could dab a little ointment on two scraps of gauze and stick them up each nostril. The vocoder would probably cover for the worst of the stuffiness that would cause, but at least he wouldn’t be bleeding into his filters anymore.

“Did you bring the other items I requested?” he asked, dry swallowing the pain tabs and then tearing off the first bit of gauze and rolling it into a sort of conical, plug shape.

“Yeah,” Thorn replied, eyeing Fox out of the corner of his eye. “But are you sure that’s a good idea?”

“If you’ve got a better idea, now would be the time to share it.”

There weren’t security cameras in the Senate bathrooms. Thank the little gods for natborn modesty.

Except Thorn apparently couldn’t think of a better plan.

And Fox had run out of ideas hours ago. The Jedi weren’t telling him anything, and it was only minimally comforting that he wasn’t being singled out. They weren’t briefing the CSF or the Senate guards either.

Fox made the exchange in one of the ‘fresher stalls. The sterile gloves and empty bags were hidden safely away inside one of his belt pouches.

When the CSF agents were finally allowed back into the office suite to retrieve their equipment and samples, they unknowingly left with three extra bags with intentionally incorrect labels slipped amongst their other evidence. One contained a swab with the unidentified blood from Fox’s pauldron, one held the two silver hairs they’d found on his blacks, and the last had the sample of the odd, organic residue from the bruises on his face.

[elicathebunny]

Lights, Camera, Action!

How to not obsess over the preparation (“im not ready yet!”) and the “distant big dream” phase.

Dreaming big is what we are always told and what I will always encourage.

But it gets to a point where sometimes you dream so big that you begin to question how you will even end up living those dreams in your reality.

This is where the dreams then feel so far away and distant from where you are now that you begin to doubt yourself and they remain as only dreams.

You become obsessed with preparing the best route possible to guarantee your success. You plan and make new plans after ditching old ones, watch every video made possible, affirm, pray and do every loa technique under the sun. Yet you still have doubts and feel that you are not ready to go after your dreams.

I. The Planning Phase

LEAVE.ROOM.FOR.FLEXABILITY !!

I cannot stress this enough. Leaving room for flexibility in your planning is very important. Yes, having a clear goal means knowing how you'll achieve your desired result. But, having tunnel vision on that one path isn’t helpful when times change and a new path is needed. You must be open to new possibilities and routes to which you may need to change to if that previous path can no longer work for you.

Over-obsessing over one route will make you reluctant to try any other paths. This could cause you to lose out on other opportunities that you could’ve gained.

Do not over fixate over one path that it overrides any other possible solution to the same desired outcome!!!

II. Having Faith

Doubting ruins your motivation and perseverance towards something, it makes you begin to question yourself and your abilities. This can lead to you abandoning your journey altogether or making you waver a little. You need to believe in yourself and that you can achieve the goals you set for yourself, no matter how vast they may seem.

BE COMFORTABLE IN THE UNKNOWN!!

You have to be able to envision yourself out of your usual setting.

Teach yourself to stray away from your usual settings and venture into more unfamiliar zones. This allows you to grow and forces you to adapt to/try new things. This will help with avoiding stagnating and clinging onto things with familiarity.

This links to over-obsessing with the planning process. Sticking to things with familiarity in this case would be binding yourself to the plans you made and not allowing yourself to lean onto other paths (maybe you're scared or you are too fixated on one way).

Understand that you are going to make mistakes or feel like you are lost along the way. You need to remember why you are choosing to follow your desired thing and keep reminding yourself to keep going after your dreams. Don't beat yourself up because you feel doubtful and especially don't beat yourself up because others are doubting you.

HOW TO REDUCE DOUBTFUL THINKING!

To counteract doubtful thinking, I suggest writing words of affirmation using the pronouns "you" and "I". Then write them down physically on a piece of paper (I find writing it with a pen is more personal and stimulates the memory more) and keep it with you or stick them onto your mirror to read them back to yourself every time you stare at yourself in the mirror (this will also help when you tell yourself negative words in the mirror, instead of negativity, reread those positive affirmations instead) or read the sheet of paper from time to time to make sure you really force the message in your head.

for example: "I am capable of achieving my dreams" "You will achieve your dreams"

Another tip is the affs tape method.

This involves writing the affirmations in your notes and then transferring them into a short YouTube video by turning the text into speech, preferably with the affirmations used written on the screen when they are said so you can read them whilst watching. The video can have the same affirmations looped or completely different ones for the entire duration. It doesn't have to be short but a long video may make you fixated with writing lengthy affirmations. The background of the video should be black (or one solid colour/ calming image in my personal opinion, although it doesn't have to be) to not distract you if you were to read the affirmations. Listen to the video on loop or as much as you can.

xoxo

E.B

[titleknown]

The thing that galls me about this, the most likely outcome of this is that... almost nothing in this fucking country ever changes for the better.

I can only think of two major things, both of them in major jeopardy over the next 4 years, and like... I was already in despair that we;re probably never getting single-payer healthcare, we're never going to get guaranteed basic income, or going to unfuck disability care or the social safety net, or get arts funding, or going to unfuck copyright, and we're either going to be the main reason climate change ruins everything or we're not gonna be the ones who keep it from going to shit. I am in perpetual despair over it.

And this is when I thought Harris was going to win. Because this country seems deadset on nothing changing for the better, and nothing leftsts in this country have done has seemed to do jack shit to materially do that in any way before I die. And now I have to deal with everything getting fucking worse way faster! I'm so sick of this!

And I am so... so fucking angry at everyone who's left every fucking one of us down. My hatred for them is unimaginable. And I don't include the folks who didn't vote, because I think the ones at fault here are the heads of the blue party who asked everything from them and yet gave nothing in return, who we need to make fucking suffer over this.

And, if you want to help make this moment less of a shitheap, even a little, send money to my friend Trent's Paypal or to my friend Lillian's Ko-Fi., they really could use the help.

Now if you'll excuse me I'll be going to bed, sobbing.

[that-is-just-so-typically-me]

Today I heard on a lovely little podcast that I listen to a discussion on jealousy. It was about relational jealousy as an entirely natural, guaranteed phenomenon, which I of course knew but hadn’t been ready to let go of my (unearned, trauma-based) shame enough of to think too much on it in a long time. I learned people first display signs of experiencing jealousy as young as six months old. We are made to feel and swallow shame about our jealousy, while being inundated from our earliest stories about how jealousy is a sign that we are cared for. One thought I’m pondering is how important it is to love and accept with tender compassion the part of us that feels jealousy - how it is born from the primal fear that who we love, the people who tether us to community (a connection which through the history of species informs our physical survival), will leave us. It is pointless and self-destructive to shame ourselves for feeling it, especially when we have trauma around certain warning signs that in the past accompanied an eventual abandonment. But another part is I think equally as true: your jealousy will not protect you. That is such a profound thought for me now, one that I had never considered in such stark but obvious terms.

“Your jealousy will not protect you.”

You can feel such big jealousy that it feels almost alive, but it can’t do a single thing to protect you. Because it can’t control what others do (and any attempts to control what your loved one does is abuse, and abuse attempting to hold onto love kills that love in its grasping).

If their heart stops appreciating you, it will. If their eyes wander and they fall for another instead, they will. If they want to cheat on you, they will. If they want to leave you, they will. When has feeling jealousy ever saved anyone from the pain of betrayal or abandonment? Whether that feeling is tiny or as tall as a building? Whether your fears are founded or whether you are tipping at windmills, the outcome will have always been the same regardless of whether you felt jealous or not.

And as we all know, *acting* on our jealousy in inappropriate ways either leads to unethical manipulation of others if we succeed, or to the diminishing of their love or even their decision to continue being with us. We can act on it appropriately by sitting with it, talking about it to our loved ones, and of course, talking to someone trained to listen and help.

I needed this reminder as I step my terrified first few steps back into dating. I’m so scared that my worst fears will happen all over again. I’ll be left yet again for someone I fear is more valuable than I am, who people really secretly want, and I am just a placeholder, a joke, a foster partner who keeps the seat warm for the person someone actually wants to love. I am terrified my pain will come out sideways despite all progress I’ve made, all the time I’ve taken to be alone and work on myself. I still feel so fragile, in the “handle with care” sense, and my post-trauma brain has no new data so far to override the only experience I have which is that I will always be left for someone else. I’m so scared I’ll get jealous so quickly and it will poison everything. I miss the feet-first, recklessly trusting heart I had before my last relationship, so much. It kills me if I think about it too long. But I just need to hang on and believe in who I am now, who is strong and wise and has only become a hundred-fold kinder and more compassionate because of the pain I’ve suffered and how I had to pull myself out of it all alone, when it would have been so much easier to let it turn me into someone bitter and vengeful and destructive. I feel so much more protective now of recklessly trusting, open hearts. They are a rare thing in this world and it is an honor to protect them. I know my heart is just as big and full of magic - no one can take that from me. I just need more to feel safe now, more time to establish that trust and let me trust someone recklessly again, and I hope I can find that safety someday.

Well that meandered as always, but I’m grateful to be following these thoughts tonight. I needed this thought to chew on.

But it’s not all hard realizations. I’m so grateful for this past week. I just turned 30, surrounded by dozens of friend who came out on less than three weeks notice to celebrate with me. I was overwhelmed by how much I got loved on this weekend. It makes me feel hopeful for the future. I also hit the ground running today with my aggressive job search, and I’m applying for some weekend volunteer opportunities - I’ve missed volunteering so much! I feel my body healing, even if slowly, after this month without school - I even look quite a bit more rested, too! I even drew a real sketch a couple of days ago, my first in ages, just on an impulse. I feel myself stirring back to life in all of these little ways, one weak but very real step at a time, even as I carry this pain with me. It’s like a stone in my pocket that I can’t ever get rid of - but it’s smoother now after wearing it for so long. There��s good in that pocket, too.

[simp-cityxx]

It’s Showtime~

A Toji Fushiguro x Fem! Reader fic (NSFW)

Summary: Your lowkey malewife Fushiguro comes to pick you up from work, but you have some ulterior plans for the night…

Warnings: Praise, Degradation, Lots of dirty talk, spanking, breeding, possessiveness; other general smutty stuff (read at your own risk)

A/N: so yea, Nanami and Toji exist simultaneously in this story which doesn’t make sense (but that’s hawt so) but yk what else doesn’t make sense? THE WORD MALEWIFE AND TOJI BEING REMOTELY CLOSE TO ONE ANOTHER! But yeh enjoy

—

“Late again, huh.”

As you walked under the dim streetlight, Toji opened up your passenger door before crossing his arms with a blank stare on his face.

“Sorry. Nanami just needed someone to stay back and help file a few-“

He slithers a hand on your waist as the other tilts your chin. “Yeah princess, whatever.” Although his approach is far from polite, you’re far too focused on his touches to come up with a witty response. The way his words, gazes, and touches were coated with gracefulness but tinged with urgency drove you wild. It was far from erratic but not essentially delicate…this must’ve been the delicious taste of experience, and you were set for sails just thinking about it.

“What am I going to do with you…” he chuckles, pulling you into a kiss; one that feels almost too intimate. You grip onto his tight shirt with his toned muscles enclosed, leaving you practically gasping for air.

The kiss finally calms down and you hop in the front seat of Toji’s car. It always puzzled you how the man was able to afford such a lavish car on his own, Given the fact that he often took on the role of your “househusband”. You focused your attention as Fushiguro unexpectedly brushed a lose piece of hair out of your face. Even such a simple gesture had your thighs squeezing together, tensing up as the engine started.

“So why does that blondie keep working you so late anyways?”, He sits his hand on his chin.

“I think it’s simply the fact that im the only one who fully understands Mr.Nanami’s file systems.”

He chuckles, “Bullshit. Your boss totally has the hots for ya.” Trying to conceal his feelings on the matter, he opts to keeping his blank stare on the road.

You rolls your eyes, “You know it’s not like that.”

“Well if even if it was, you know I’m still your man,” he shoots you a toothy smile, god he was so hot when he smiled…

You giggle, rolling your eyes.

“You are so damn corny.”

The rest of the ride is quiet, as you’re caught up in your own head. This relationship with the sorcerer killer had been such a whirlwind, even after about three months. His arrogant and flirtatious demeanor never gave any indication that he would want to ‘slow down’, but somehow you were able to mellow him out. In some ways at least.

Before you knew it Toji was opening the passenger door.

“Baby,…..y/n”, He tapped your shoulder as you had kinda zoned out.

“Oh yeah sorry”, you stood up, only to immediately get tossed over the mans broad shoulder, sneakily hoisting you up with a hand on your ass.

“IM NOT YOUR FUCKIN WORM PUT ME DOWN!”

“Huh?”

Without batting an eye, he puts you down as soon as the front door opens.

……..

Walking into the bedroom, you decide to throw on something a little more…causal. (Something you really know will get him going). You grab one of Fushiguro’s oversized collared shirts, leaving it open to expose the skimpy new lingerie you had just bought. Although not something you felt totally comfortable in, one of your office friends insisted you buy it for a night just like this.

You sluggishly walk into the kitchen where dinner is prepared, stretching your spine with a heavy yawn, before glaring up at Toji’s ample chest, merely covered by a black apron.

The raven haired man looks towards you, almost as if he hasn’t noticed your change in attire. You sit down for your meal, a little disappointed at the lack of reaction from your man. You finish up dinner and sluggishly stumble to the living room. Toji is sitting with eyes unenthusiastically glued to the tv. As you make your way over to join him, you feel a tight grip placed on your hip, pulling you into a rather compromising position.

“I told you last time about wearing satin..”

The words crinkle in your ear, causing your spine to tingle. (He has a thing for satin, lordt knows why)

The muscular man begins to spank you, causing an unexpected moan to escape.

“Shhhh.” A deep sinister grin is painted on his face. “There’s no use in screaming anything but my name sweetie.” God, you hated the way his corniness turned you on.

He persisted, already pushing you to the brink as he increased the intensity through his large palm. occasionally he paused to admire his dirty work, placing the gentlest caresses on your stinging ass before causing you to whimper once again.

You were already panting when Toji positioned you in his arms bridal style. “Tired already dollface? But I haven’t had my way with you yet…”

Fuck. You clench your legs as the heat between your legs intensifies. The raven haired man picks up and shoots one of his grins, floppy hair covering his emerald eyes. You could just die right here.

Gently laying his prized possession on the bed, he positions himself in front of you as you undress him. He throws the apron to the side and wastes no time utterly demolishing the lacey lingere you had picked out for him.

“Toji! That was expensive!”

He merely shrugs it off. “Black card is on the desk babe. You don’t even need all this frilly shit to get me to fuck you.” You cross your arms and avert your gaze; pretending this isn’t the exact outcome you wanted.

“Pout all you want, but your body tells me everything I need to know princess.” As he whispers, He glides a finger over your drenched folds, causing you to release the most sickening moan to ever escape your lips.

“I never knew you were this much of a slut for me. We’ve barely even started…”

As much as you want to give a witty response, his electric fingers slip and stretch inside you, leaving you breathless. You burn all over as he leaves intense marks and kisses all over your skin.

“Stammering already?” He grabs your chin and leans in, pressed against your chest.

“How pathetic. Guess we’ll have to teach you a lesson in manners…” with that he growls, slinging your delicate legs over his broad shoulders. As he leaves kisses on your soft thighs, you shudder in ecstasy. He lets out a chuckle.

“You’re so cute when you tense up like that. Just relax; I’ll take care of it.”

Swiftly he begins unrelentingly devouring you. Kisses pepper your sopping cunt, accompanying the intoxicating hums he makes on your bud. Even with your screams and cries, he only lets up when you finally come.

“Good girl. Now can you do something for me?”

As you nod, he sits you down on the edge of the bed. He positions himself in front of you, giving you a clear look at his egregiously long and thick member. It’s a wonder the thing fit inside you.

“I’m just in need of a little warmup. Think you can handle it sweet heart?”

You nod, regaining your composure.

“Yes sir.”

With that, you take as much of his 13 inches as you can fit in your mouth, but as he hits the back of your throat you begin to choke. Noticing, he slides himself out.

“Don’t overextend yourself little whore. Just the tip is fine…”

After affirming his words, you use your methodical tongue to play with his cock, causing him to release little fucks and hisses from the back of his throat. The way you fit him so well always got him going.

You giggle, “who’s stammering now?”

Teasing him was a big mistase. He furrows his brow and pulls away from you leaving you hungry for more.

“Enough. Lay down skank.”

There was no saving you now. It was much too late. You just guaranteed you’d need to use one your sick days just to recuperate. He pins you down by the wrists and starts biting hard onto your chest, causing you to whimper.

“You thought you were real slick huh.”

“I was only-“

Before you can even finish your sentence, the space in between your legs is stuffed full. He pounds hard into your throbbing cunt, amused by your gasps for air, and leaning down occasionally to leave you kisses. He was just too good, from his dirty talk to the slightest of touch, he just knew every little way to turn you to mush. He grinned as he put a hand to your stomach, feeling his cock penetrate you to your highest capacity. He was so proud have pleasured you in such a way, falling in love with the ways you screamed his name, the way your clever ass could turn into this love drunk fool with no one but him. The love he made between your thighs was proof enough that you could be no one but his. Toji may have been a master of his craft, but the way you wrapped around him even left him begging for more.

As you bucked your hips into him, Toji positioned you on top of him.

“It’s time baby.”

He released more of his intoxicating sounds as you both found yourself on the brink of climax. You pleaded for him to stuff you full, so he did just that, speeding up by grabbing your hips before one final thrust, leaving your thighs shaking around his burning shaft. You were all his as you laid there, dazed by just how amazing the feeling it was.

“You did so well for me today honey. I’m glad you learned your lesson.”

He placed a kiss onto your forehead before getting up to draw you a bath.

—

Oh lordt have mercy </3

[my-timing-is-digital]

@heartfledged asked: “ i don’t need a break! i need to keep going until i get this right! “

Intrigued by this unanticipated outburst of an emotion he could not quite interpret, the android rendered himself stationary and tilted his head inquisitively to the right. It had not been his intention to listen in on a conversation, but he could not help but be captured by this odd exchange of words. Two Cadets, distinctly male, were standing in front of a female Cadet, who was seated at a table in the mess hall and seemed to be occupying herself with something on her PADD.

    The two male Cadets were producing spontaneous sounds and movements with their faces and bodies that exhibited their disposition; humans laughed for all sorts of reasons. Laughing — he had ascertained — was a verbal form of communication to express happiness or amusement. However, in some cases, it could also be employed to express ridicule or anxiety. The android was uncertain to which category their laughter belonged. He could rule out anxiety, because there were no hazardous circumstances to be anxious about, but then, he reached an impasse. In order to establish a coherent analysis, he required more data...

    Intrigued, Data approached the Cadets while continuing to dissect the progression of their conversation:

    ‘What’s the point? If you didn’t get it right the first time, or the second time, or the third time, what’s gonna make you think your calculations will be any good the next time? The ship could’ve been exploded by then!’

    ‘Captains don’t want Ensigns who don’t understand simple mathematics!’

    When he arrived at the table, standing adjacent to the female, his yellow eyes quickly oscillated between the three Cadets before he engaged himself in their conversation.

    ‘Greetings.’ He extended his hand as a means of introducing himself, as was customary among most humans. ‘I am Data. I am...’

    ‘— The robot,’ the tallest of the two male Cadets interposed. Neither of them shook his hand. ‘Yeah, we know what you are.’

    ‘That is a common misconception. I am an android,’ Data corrected them helpfully. ‘Inquiry: Is it not your custom to shake hands with people, with whom you are not yet acquainted?’

    The two Cadets exchanged looks. The shorter one smirked.

    ‘We’d rather not you break our hands, robot. We need them for holo-combat training later today.’

    ‘Do not worry. I have carefully calculated the amount of pressure a human hand can tolerate before sustaining damage. I have set the outcome of those calculations as the parameters within I must operate when I have physical contact with humanoids,’ the android explained calmly. ‘I can guarantee you it is safe to shake my hand.’

    ‘Yeah, maybe next time, yellow eyes. We gotta go,’ the tall Cadet announced, before he departed.

    ‘Maybe you could introduce yourself to the other freak, and help her out with her calculations,’ the other Cadet suggested, before he followed his companion.

    The android furrowed his eyebrows in confusion, finally returning his extended arm to his side. Had he said something wrong?

    ‘“Freak”? Accessing... Freak. Noun. A thing, person, animal, or event that is extremely unusual or unlikely, and not like any other of its type,’ he enunciated robotically. ‘Mhm.’

    Then, his yellow eyes darted down to the Cadet still seated at the table. Again, he extended his hand, curious whether she would accept it or not.

    ‘Greetings. I am Data. Do you require my assistance with your calculations?’ 

[young-dumb-and-vaccinated]

Cult Girl: Doctorate (Hannibal x Female!Reader) pt. 6

Positive

Cult girl and Hannibal find a way to turn a life-altering mistake to their favor.

@wisesandwichshark

Trigger warnings: accidental pregnancy, discussion of abortion, adoption, slight emetophobia

Another week passed and the 'hangover' didn't subside. Then a third week passed, so you had to give up the façade and just admit you were sick. Hannibal was smugly concerned, but not alarmed. It paid to have a doctor for a fiancé. Studying could be done from bed and you needed to be in perfect working order to burn down your grandmother's country club and fully enjoy it.

Hannibal wasn't so much of a hypochondriac that he denied you affection while bed-ridden. That, or he didn't believe what you had was contagious. Whatever it was.

It wasn't until you woke up late, just days before the start of the new semester, that you discovered. You hobbled blindly to the bathroom to take your medicine. You were fully prepared to drop to your knees and vomit in the toilet and you wanted nothing more than to return to bed and slip back into sweet unconsciousness. Not even microdosing meth could keep you awake.

You slid your birth control packet out of its sleeve. You were halfway through the green placebo pills, so you were sure that didn't help how miserable you felt. This period sure had a hell of a build-up.

That's when a number caught your eye.

It was a number you weren't even previously aware existed. A date on your birth control packet. Dated three months prior.

You weren't lucid enough to comprehend what it meant, but once it hit you, you spit the pill into the sink.

Expired. You thought. How the fuck do pills expire?

No. No. No. No.

"[F/N]?" Hannibal said. "Is everything okay?"

"Yeah." You called back. "I... just need to take a shower."

You turned the faucet on. It was a bad lie and he would figure it out eventually, but you couldn't involve him. Not yet. You needed a minute alone to think.

You found the pregnancy test you stashed under the sink all those years ago. You double-checked the lock, then began the test. There was no romantic or even palatable way to describe the process of peeing on a stick, quietly as possible, to avoid your frankly terrifying fiancé's notice. Once it was done, you wrapped the still-loading test in toilet paper and shoved it back under the sink.

You had no idea how long it would take to give you a result. Or if waiting four years to use it would give you a false result. There was so much you didn't know.

You jumped into the shower and washed up, trying to push all thoughts of panic out of your head. It didn't work. You went right into bury-the-body mode. A fall down the stairs could best pass for an accident, but had the unintended consequences of severe bodily harm. You wondered if those special herbal teas actually worked and where you'd find one. Or, instead of investing in gimmicky, pseudo-scientific abortion teas or throwing yourself down a flight of stairs, you could just talk to him.

You sat on the bathroom floor in a towel for what felt like hours, holding the mummified pregnancy test between your fingers. It took all your strength to rip through the tissue paper and confirm what you already knew.

A big, obnoxious pink plus sign. Almost like it was rubbing it in.

Your head was screaming just talk to him. He was your goddamn fiancé. The man you were going to spend the rest of your life with. But you couldn't tell him. Not after what he said at the country club.

"Hannibal?" You called out, voice weak. "Can you come here, please?"

He opened the bathroom door to find you huddled against the sink wearing nothing but a towel. It was a sight that would make anyone freak out.

"My god, [F/N]." He took a knee beside you. "Are you hurt? Did you hit your head?"

You gestured to the pregnancy test at your side. You hugged your knees into your chest and waited for him to process everything.

He looked at you with an unreadable expression. "I thought you were on birth control?"

You covered your face with your hands. "I did too. Nobody told me that the pills actually expire."

Then came the question that you were dreading.

"What do you want to do?"

That was why you were hesitant to tell him. Not because he would try to make a decision for you, but because he wouldn't.

"I don't know." You blurted out. "What do you want to do?"

Hannibal raised his eyebrows. "You know I can't tell you that. You need to decide for yourself."

"That's what I was afraid you were going to say." You threw your head back in exasperation. "I'm just asking for a little direction. You said you definitely wanted to have kids-"

"Not like this." He cut you off. "Not when it would derail your entire career.” 

“Look, you know I was on the fence about having kids at all.” You rambled, just trying to collect your thoughts. “But then you described what you wanted for us and it just sounded so nice.” 

“Darling, I am begging you,” He pressed his fingers to his temples. “Please, decide for yourself and only yourself.” 

“I’m trying!” You objected. “I just need a second to think.” 

“Don’t think, just answer.” He implored. “What do you want to do?” 

“I want to get an abortion.” You blurted out before slapping your hand over your mouth. 

“Was that really so hard to say?” Hannibal asked, voice broken with relief. Relief of what, you couldn’t place. 

You couldn’t bring yourself to make eye contact with him. “It was, a little.” 

“Why?” He tilted his head curiously. “And please don’t say it was because of me.” 

“I don’t know.” You shrugged, hiding your face again. “I just learned I was pregnant, like, five minutes ago. I shouldn’t be expected to make a choice this massive without at least ten minutes to think about it.” 

“Do you really want to get an abortion?” He asked. 

Your voice wobbled with uncertainty. “No... yes?” 

“I see.” He said, as if this were just a point of academic curiosity that didn’t involve him whatsoever. “Is there a part of you, no matter how small, that wants to see the pregnancy to term?” 

“Well, yeah. Thus the basis of my uncertainty.” You threw your hands up. “But I also know it’s insanely unrealistic to think I could just speedrun my last two years of school and however long it takes to establish a career just to get to the domestic bliss.”

“You would do good to not expect motherhood to be a blissful retirement plan, love." Hannibal gently scorned. "Parenting takes just as much commitment as your studies. Likely more."

"I know." You bashed your palms against your forehead. "I said it was unrealistic, didn't I? Look, I just don't foresee any worthwhile outcomes if I carry this pregnancy to term. Even to put it up for adoption just seems selfish. Why bring a kid into the world just to set them up for a shitty life?"

Hannibal paused, and looked off into the distance pensively.

"If you could forgive me a hypothetical," He began. "What if we could guarantee them a wonderful life?"

"Are we talking philosophy, or do you have an actual suggestion?" You probed.

"A bit of both, depending on where your mind takes you." He smirked as if he were about to say something very clever. "What if Beatrice [L/N]'s estate made sure our child had a safe, comfortable upbringing? With a weighty college trust fund in their name, naturally."

You couldn't tell if this was brilliant or insane. It all depended on how 'hypothetical' the whole situation really was. Either way, you were interested.

"Go on." You urged, letting the idea slither into your mind.

"There's nothing in the will that specifically states we must raise the child ourselves." He recounted. "Only that it must be of blood descent."

You hadn't considered that, but it made sense once you heard it out loud. Your grandmother had many skills to make her a sharp manipulator, but her inattention to detail was always her downfall.

“Forty-five million extra dollars in the bank would be nice.” You said. You were humoring him at first, but when you said it out loud, it rang true. 

“Forty-five is drops in the bucket compared to what we can get from her property.” He added. “The house and the golf course.” 

You put your hand on your chin, actually, seriously considering it. You were on the precipice of inheriting more money than you could possibly spend in one lifetime. Money that could make so many problems go away overnight. Money you could hand out to anyone you wanted to, just to make their lives a little easier. You pictured yourself giving waitstaff six-figure tips, or handing a hundred dollar bill to someone asking for change on the street. You could erase your best friend's college debt as a birthday present. Get Hannibal a proper gift. All with money you bled out of your abusers.

It was divine justice. All at the price of nine months of your life.

"So..." Your voice trailed off. "We just need to keep this thing alive for the next nine months..."

"We can find an adoptive family in that time." Hannibal nodded along. "And we can set up a college fund for the child to be given to them on their 18th birthday."

"And we could make the adoption open, in case the child ever wants to meet us." You said.

"Right." He agreed. "Allowing the option for an adoptee to meet their biological parents is much better for their mental health and adjustment."

You covered your mouth with your hand, only to hide your excitement. "I take it back, I'm starting to see a positive outcome."

[blu-archer]

Sharing is Caring?

Just some more AU sickness because why not?

snz based

Sickie: Tae - mild Jimin

Caretaker: Jimin [kind of?]

m/m [squinting at Yoonmin] and mentions of what I’m poorly portraying as ace. I’ve never tried to write about it before so forgive any misrepresentation please..

anyway...

Apart of this little universe; Flower shop and Bakery au 

This piece mostly felt like me rambling, but it was kind of fun so I’m posting it.. sorry for any errors

-

-

Taehyung sniffled as discretely as possible as he wondered through the isles of the large supermarket, doing his best to avoid people even though he had made sure to grab a face mask before leaving the apartment to avoid spreading his germs. Technically they could be considered Jimin’s germs… but he wasn’t one to blame his platonic soulmate.

After all, they lived together. This outcome was inevitable.

 So he hovered awkwardly through the store trying to move as quickly as possible by grabbing immediate necessities rather than the usual browsing of the shelves. And after the desperate sneezes that had surprised him by the canned foods and had kicked his headache into 5th gear, he wanted nothing more than to already be at home and back in bed.  

The photographer paused a bit away from the freezer holding the ready-made meals – something that had become a must-have for the pair if they wanted to survive living together – waiting for the few people there to finish before he made his own snatch. He blinked lazily at the rows of boxes that he could just barely make out. He would have to grab a few, they hadn’t done ‘grocery’ shopping for the month and it had come back to bite them. The few supplies he’d gotten days before had dwindled to nothing in a blink of an eye. He’d woken up that morning looking for food so he could take his next dose of medication and had been met with a small portion of days old take out from the noodle place down the street and what was left of the soup Jimin’s boss had dropped off for him after he’d called in sick.

And Tae was getting really tired of soup, despite only being on his second day of feeling like warm death.

So he had taken the courageous, probably mildly stupid, step to go shopping. They needed more tissues anyway, and he didn’t really know anyone in the area that well yet despite having moved a few months ago so it’s not like he could make a plea for help.

Jimin had been thoroughly knocked out in his bed with a mound of extra blankets that hadn’t moved from their place since Yoongi had put them there after bringing the smaller man home from work the day before. So Taehyung had just scribbled a brief note and pinned it onto his door so that Jimin would know where he was if the slim chance of the elder waking up did actually happen.

A gap formed as a couple broke away from the freezer and Tae swiftly slipped in front of it, muffling a cough into his arm before he made a move to slide open the glass top. Taehyung was jolted from his actions as something – a body, definitely a small body – crashed into his legs, immediately reaching out with one hand to steady the child that wobbled upon impact even though his own balance wavered drastically. Thank god for fast reflexes, if he hadn’t dropped his basket and rested his hand on the freezer then he probably would’ve fallen straight on his ass. That would have been almost as embarrassing as the canned food isle incident just minutes before. This day just wasn’t getting better.

He had just barely looked down at the small boy who had almost caused his next disaster when his foggy attention was dragged away to the next rapidly approaching figure.

 “Sehjoon!” An exasperated voice snapped before the small boy was pulled from Tae’s weak grasp. “I’m so sorry, he’s wild. Did he-“The man’s eye widened a bit and then he smiled, losing some of the tension in his body. “Its Taehyung, right? Jimin’s new roommate?”

 Tae blinked, nodding slowly although he couldn’t really be considered ‘new’ since a few months had already passed, and it wasn’t the first time that he’d shared a space with Jimin. The man looked familiar, and he clearly knew who he was, which meant he was probably one of Jimin’s friends from work. Taehyung tried not to feel too bad about not remembering whose name went with which face, he was often busy with his own work when Jimin would tell him about what happened during his working hours, so he couldn’t be expected to remember too many details. It was a similar situation when he tried to explain to Jimin the different editing terms while trying to perfect whatever photos he had done. He couldn’t count the numbers of times he’d just watched his best friends eyes glaze over with some familiar vague nodding.

 “I’m Hoseok, we met a while back when you first moved here.”

The man seemed to ooze happiness as he picked the boy up to rest him on his hip. Taehyung shuffled on his feet. He was a little unsure of what to say next. Usually he didn’t struggle with making conversation, but his head felt like it was filled with cotton, he couldn’t be faulted for this flaw of character right now.

 “Sorry,” Hoseok chuckled, rubbing at his neck with his free hand. “Jimin speaks about you all the time and even Jungkook and Jin mention you every once it in a while, it kind of feels like I know you.”

 “Uh…oh. Yeah. Jimin speaks about you a lot too.” Tae replied, shoving his hands deep into his pockets. His voice coming out deeper and with the beginnings of the congestion he’d hoped wouldn’t come so soon in the day. He cleared his throat in hopes that it would help. “The florist, right? With Yoongi?”

 It clearly didn’t help.

Hoseok’s smile faltered, turning more sympathetic. As if he had quickly pieced the obvious together.

 “Yeah, that’s me.” He shifted the boy on his hip when small hands grappled to be let down. Hoseok dropped his smile for a moment to give a stern look of disapproval that seemed to work like a spell over the boy as he went silent and placid in the mans hold. “I’m sorry about Sehjoon here. My sister asked me to look after him for the day and I think she both underestimates my babysitting capabilities and overestimates her sons behaviour. I was actually sent out of work for a bit because Yoongi needed a break from this level of chaos… Hey, he didn’t hurt you or anything right?”

 “Oh, no. No.” Tae gave a croaky laugh that irritated his throat. It already felt rough from the amount of coughing he’d done during the night and it appeared that he was nowhere close to being done with that. Turning away, he coughed deeply into his arm, twisting away despite wearing a mask, and winced at the spark of pain that had shot into him. God, he was so over this cold. “Sorry. He barrelled into me, but he would probably be at more risk of hurting himself than me. Has a hard head though. Definitely able to knock some people out with that.”

 That brought a bubble of sudden laughter from the other man that left Tae slightly bemused and yet, it was an odd feeling watching Hoseok laugh. A warmth of sorts spread over Taehyung when the man tossed his head back and seemed to glow as his shoulders shook. It was more contagious than Jimin’s illness and Taehyung couldn’t stop himself from smiling at the man as he began to tease his nephew shamelessly about being a new weapon of destruction. The boy simply whined and curled his head into Hoseok’s neck, apparently not seeing the same humour as his uncle.

  “I should get him a leash to be honest.” Hoseok joked, but Tae had a feeling the glint in the mans eyes meant he was deeply considering it.

 Taehyung didn’t really know how to reply so he just nodded slowly and turned his attention back to the freezer, recollecting his basket before just grabbing a few different meals at random and tossing them in with the juice and tissues he’d already gotten. Whatever it was he and Jimin would eat it whether they liked it or not. He had been out longer than he wanted to be by now and he wasn’t wasting more time on things that they probably wouldn’t taste much of anyway considering how this cold was progressing.

 “Not much of a cook?”

 Tae glanced to Hoseok who seemed to be shifting his weight as he looked towards the meals casually.

Sniffing lightly, Taehyung tried to suppress the desire to rub at his nose through the mask. He shrugged, his hand moving up to brush some hair from his eyes. “Never really learned. Jimin can’t either, but this is better than living off of take out.”

 “I can see Jin rolling in his figurative grave.” Hoseok chuckled. “If you want I can mention to Jungkook how I ran into you,  despite you clearly not feeling well. I can guarantee that you and Jimin will get visited by Yoongi and Jin with at least a months-worth of premade meals to be frozen because they heard from Jungkook that you were both malnourished and possibly dying.”

 He blushed at the call out on being sick, but to be fair, he hadn’t thought he’d run into anyone that would actually talk to him or that this store would be so busy during work hours. He also didn’t doubt Jungkook’s ability to exaggerate, Jimin had told him about some previous examples that had at the time probably caused Jin a lot of stress. It mostly seemed innocent but very few could look into Jungkook’s eyes and not believe everything he tells them. Tae had only just started speaking to him more and he already knew that.

“Please don’t. I can’t even bear to look at soup after these past few days and I have a feeling that would be a strong contender of what one would give a sick person.” Against his original will, he rubbed a finger to his nose as it twitched with an itchy irritation. “I need to get home actually; we had no food left so I should try to get back before Jimin wakes up. And I am about ready to sleep for the next week.”

 “Oh wow. So you really are in need of pre-made meals filled with some love and care.” Hoseok’s voice dipped into one similar to how he had teased his nephew. “Well, I won’t keep you then. You should get home and rest, but if you want to take me up on sending the s.o.s. message for food delivery, Jimin has my number.”

 Taehyung thanked the elder man shakily, and even managed to get a small wave bye from the boy, barely having time to hear the small apology for bumping into him before he abruptly turned away and buried his face into his elbow.

 H’EESH..hH’HEGXSHhh..

 There was a startled ‘oh’ and then deep chuckles. Taehyung winced as he gave a liquid sniff with a low groan, feeling even more congested than before.

 “ ‘cuse ‘be.”

 “Bless you,” Hoseok laughed with a hand instinctively holding his nephew closer. He dipped his head in a small bow. “Sorry, it’s not funny. That sounded awful, but I got a fright and now I feel dumb for jumping.”

 If he had blushed before, then this was him setting himself alight. That had never happened before, he’d never scared someone with his sneeze. Jimin was never going to let him live that down.

 “I’ll leave you be now,” the man grinned. “Go home and get some rest. But when you feel better we should hang out some time. Jimin speaks about you all the time and I just think it would be great to see more of you… like with everyone. Welcome you to the city properly.”

 “I…yeah. Okay.” Taehyung brushed his hands through his hair and took a starting step back, trying to hold back any more sniffling. “I’ll see you around then.”

 “Feel better soon, Taehyung, and get home safely.”

 ******************* 

HEESHHU..H’HIESHH…snfff.. … Heh..h..hhh..HHeGXTCHh…hnnxgGTSCHew!... nghHEHHSHH!!!

 Taehyung panted out hot hitchy breaths as the tissue box was set in front of him as an offering. He laid a hand on the box to take it, his other hand hovered desperately over his face as he geared up for the next sneeze. His teary eyes had barely blinked open before they were forced shut once more, his throat and head pulsed with each sneeze that ripped out of him.

 “Ble-e’hh-hh-ss yo-uishhhiew.. H’ingxtshh… hih’itishhew!”

 Taehyung grabbed a few tissues and let Jimin keep the box as the elder coughed and crumpled into the seat beside him, before following Tae’s example of blowing his nose tiredly.  

 After shopping, Taehyung had managed a slow drive back to the apartment with multiple stops to tear open one of the tissue boxes he’d bought. It hadn’t helped much, and he had felt progressively worse as the minutes ticked by until he’d made it into the house, where he had promptly collapsed onto the couch with his tissues – only having to get up again to dump the food he’d bought in the fridge and freezer before sluggishly dragging himself to the couch once more..

When he’d been coaxed awake by Jimin gently shaking his shoulder, he had been met with a dim early afternoon sun and a plate a steamy food that had definitely been nuked in the microwave for longer than necessary. And from there they hadn’t really moved much, other than Jimin having forced some medicine into them and making tea before joining Tae on the couch.

There was some drama playing softly on their tv, but neither of them really had the energy to focus on it properly and Tae could barely hear the dialogue anyway once the congestion in his sinuses began to interfere with his ears. Jimin had dragged in a blanket from his room and draped it over both of them as Tae added to the pile of used tissues that had begun to form on the floor in front of them. Nothing seemed to stop the constant tickle that plagued him, nor his noses inability to do what he wanted. Tae was considering just stuffing his nose with tissues at this point. Since the trip to the supermarket his nose had turned into a mess that was seemingly draining the life out of him. Jimin had assured him that despite what he thought, it would get better, but he was sure that his friend was just trying to be his usual hopeful self. Always ready to reassure and look out for him.

At least they were suffering together. That was an upside. Jimin claimed to be feeling a lot better than the day before and it seemed to be mostly true, he was definitely being more active than Tae wanted to be. Although that could also have just a factor of the smaller man sleeping like the dead for almost 20 hours and Taehyung thinking it was wise to leave the apartment earlier. He was just deeply glad that he wasn’t alone again.

 Tae hated being alone. Even when he was well, he’d tried living by himself before and it had eaten at him mentally. It’s a big reason why he had convinced Jimin to find a new apartment that they could share when he switched towns, instead of just finding a cheap single flat somewhere. Thankfully his Soulmate had been searching for something already, so he didn’t feel like too much of an inconvenience. Jimin had always teased him relentlessly for needing people but never wanting relationships, always just content with a friend to cuddle up to or hang out with. Yet watching Jimin and others grow into bonds and commitments always made him doubt. Jimin meant well with his chirps and edgy teasing, but it always made Taehyung worry about his future.

What would he do when Jimin finally moved on in life? It’s not like anyone would want to invest in a person that would never give themselves entirely to a partner... He would never fall into the trap of letting someone take what he didn’t want to give again, yet that was all everyone seemed to want from him. … Maybe he’d start up a cuddle site, or a hug program, he’ll think of a way to get the skin ship he needed without being a bother or a hazard to himself.

 “You’re thinking too loud again…” Jimin whined hoarsely and sunk into Tae’s side, rubbing his cheek into the other shoulder as he curled into him. “Your brainwaves are hurting mine.”

 “You’d need a brain to have brainwaves, you’ll be fine.” Tae mumbled as he ran a tissue under his nose with a sniff and yelped out a weary laugh when Jimin pinched at his ribs.  

 “Asshole.” The elder snipped, but the smile in his voice was evident.

  It took no prompt for Jimin to snuggle even deeper into Taehyung’s embrace, relishing in the warmth despite the dampness that had begun to seep through Tae’s shirt. It would probably be wise for them both to get in the shower – at the very least to rinse off their sweat and germs – but they were far too comfortable to move. Tae felt as if his body had become moulded into the seat and the heat that was created between himself, Jimin and their blanket; paired with the medication he’d taken, only made him dozier. Even as his mind raced through various what-ifs of the future, his eyes gradually drifted shut up before jerking open with any sound or movement. Soft hands brushed soothingly up his side, edging him closer to sleep with low humming, and just as his eyes closed again there was a sharp knock at the door that caused both of them to groan.

 “If we ignore it, they might think we’re not here.” Jimin whispered.

 Ah…H’ERSHH! ..

 “Never-“

 HE’ETCHSHH!!

 “… Never mind. Thank you Taetae.”

.

.

“Sorry..”

Another softer, more hesitant knock sounded through the apartment as Jimin pushed himself to his feet and handed control of the tissue box to Tae solemnly. He accepted it more desperately than he would have liked, but Jimin wasn’t going to judge him considering he’d been in the same situation just the day before.

 With a reluctant sigh, Jimin tried not to shiver against the loss of heat. “I’ll go see who it is then.”

  The photographer pushed himself up to sit cross legged instead off slouched down in the seat while Jimin left the room, so he could blow his nose as productively as he possible. Although his nose ached after so much blowing and he had immediately tumbled into a bout of coughing that had left him gasping and spitting into a tissue with a grimace, so he couldn’t really call it all that productive when it ultimately made him feel worse. He rubbed the sleep from his eyes with a yawn before considering just going to sleep anyway. From the front door he could vaguely make out Jimin’s voice – deeper and scratchier than usual – as he spoke with familiarity.

 Hopefully it wasn’t their neighbour. She had been hounding them about tidying up their balcony that, quite frankly, wasn’t that bad. Sure, it had way too many dead and dying plants and the chair out there had definitely seen better days, but if she didn’t like seeing it, she didn’t have to go out of her way to look. It wasn’t like they shared it.  

He leaned his head back to rest on the back of the couch and shut his eyes once more, trying to force himself to sink into sleep, yet it was now low grumbling and airy giggles kept him from rest. Irritated, he shifted so that he lay curled up on his side, tossing his heavy limbs around until he’d managed to get the soft, fluffy blanket over his body completely and tucked under his chin. Now if Jimin could get back so that he could at least have someone to cling onto, then he’d be ecstatic.

 Muffled coughing grew closer until Taehyung heard Jimin call out to him just loud enough to not disturb his penetrating, consistent headache.

 “Look,” Jimin practically collapsed on top of the photographer holding a small bouquet. He slid off quickly when the force of the landing set off Taehyung’s own thicker and hoarser coughs. “Sorry but look what Yoongi brought.”

 Ah… so there was a definite hold on the ‘cuddle’ part planned in their day. Once he didn’t think his throat was going to rip to pieces, Taehyung blinked heavily at the various bright flowers that had probably been put together with more thought and precision than he could possibly imagine in that moment. Clearly Yoongi had decided to call in a delivery, he wasn’t really surprised. Jimin’s eyes shone as if he truly hadn’t expected the florist to stop by, and Taehyung didn’t think the elder really cared what he thought about it, he had merely fallen into an instinctive habit. Although, Tae would have preferred not to be assaulted with things that would possibly trigger his sinuses.

He scrunched his nose and pushed away the hand that held the glorified weapons. There were quiet steps and a gentle murmur from behind them that he would have brushed off as him hearing things, if only Jimin didn’t glance up with such a warm, wide smile.

“Beau’iful Chim.” Tae sniffed and rolled so that the blankets rolled higher to hide his face.

 His cheeks were heated and Jimin turned his smile to him knowingly – albeit apologetic for letting Yoongi inside when Tae clearly just wanted Soulmate time. Jimin pressed a quick kiss to the small visible section of Tae’s damp forehead before getting to his feet with a stifled cough.

 “I’ll put these in water... You really didn’t have to come and check on me, you know.” Jimin said softly as he walked towards their kitchen. “Probably safer to just call.”

 “I’m not scared of getting sick, Jimin.” A low voice that could only be Yoongi, reassured as he followed the other. – So more than a delivery then.-  “I just wanted to make sure you were okay after yesterday. Hobi said he ran into Taehyung earlier… Although from the looks of things he should have probably stayed home, poor guy sounds worse than you did – than you do.”    

 Jimin hummed, and Taehyung shifted to cover his head entirely beneath the blanket, trying not to listen to the couples conversation. Maybe he should just move somewhere else and let them have some space without having to hide in the kitchen. Of course Yoongi would have to accept the fact that he was entering an area of disease, but he seemed more than willing considering he was already in their home.

Tae gave a sigh and then a deep sniffle. He plucked a fresh tissue to wipe at the tender skin under his nose. It took a moment to work up the energy but eventually he was able to twist so that he practically rolled off of the couch. His knees and hand connecting a lot harder than he’d predicted to the floor, while trying to keep the blanket as steady as possible on his hunched frame. With sluggish motions, he tried to sweep most of the used tissues up with his hands and dumped them into the wastepaper bin kicked under the table, then after achingly persistent hitch started up that had left him feeling frustrated at the lack of relief – he considered the area clean enough before standing unsteadily. Making sure the blanket was wrapped tightly over his shoulders, he grabbed the tissue box to take with him – Jimin could find something else, he felt he needed them more. Then he had almost tripped on the way to his room and had muttered half-hearted curses at the blanket for betraying him and getting caught up in his steps, until finally he was able to collapse onto his bed.

Sure it was cold and probably smelt of sweat but it was at least more comfortable than where he had been lying and it had pillows that he could hug in replacement of Jimin. He buried his face into his arm almost immediately, sneezing harshly twice before he was able to bring a tissue to his nose and smother three more, breaking off into an exhausted, thick cough that left him feeling miserable and wanting nothing more to recollect the bottle of medicine he’d taken earlier and take the rest of it.

God, he really was so over this stupid cold.

[dixon-angel]

Choices {Daryl Dixon} Prologue

Summary: Earning Daryl Dixon’s trust for the most part was harder than surviving the end of the world. For you, though, all it took was one trip gone wrong into Atlanta. Safety is never guaranteed.

T/W: this series follows the story of TWD (the show, not the comic) and will contain: strong language, violence, depictions of gore, depictions of vore, major character death, spoilers (if you haven’t seen the show before), sexual themes, drug use, heavy themes (will be trigger warnings for those scenes). Read at your own risk, I am not responsible if any content upsets you, you have been warned.

There was a low, somber air around the farm. It had been quiet for the most part of the week. Most had been snappy, and Carol… well, it was easy to imagine how a grieving mother was to be. Especially given the circumstances.

Daryl Dixon, it seemed, though, was highly affected by what had happened. He had fought with Shane over looking for Sophia and had spent so long tracking the forest - hell he’d even almost killed himself with his own damn arrow looking for her. He had hope. He had given Carol hope. Yet… she had been in the barn the entire time, locked up like cattle. She had been in there. She had been a walker for god knows how long and… Daryl had been looking for her.

There were footsteps, but Daryl sat still. He didn’t care for people. He hadn’t ever since Carol had pushed her way out of his arms and stormed back to the farmhouse. It was soul-crushing finding Sophia there. It truly was. Daryl felt defeated.

“Hey…”

Usually, that voice would bring him so much comfort but Daryl would not look over, not even when he felt you plonk down beside him.

“Daryl, look… about Sophia…” you were slow with your words, quiet. You didn’t want him to explode on you. You knew that out of everyone, you were the least likely to get any aggression from the younger Dixon brother, yet you couldn’t help but be cautious around him.

The sun was setting nicely, an amber glow falling amongst the trees. There was a chill in the air but neither of you minded. It was kind of nice compared to the blistering heat that had been present earlier in the day.

You took in a breath. It wasn’t easy to talk to Daryl when he was upset, but he had blown up on just about everyone lately and you had kept your distance. But you didn’t want to anymore. You knew why he was acting out and… you didn’t want him to push everyone away from himself.

“...Daryl,” you began with a sigh, “what happened to Sophia wasn’t your fault. It wasn’t anyone’s fault….”

Daryl didn’t answer. He didn’t even acknowledge your words. He was starting absentmindedly towards the farmhouse.

“I know you blame yourself, you think you could have done more for her but… Daryl, she was in the barn. She was bitten a long time ago…”

“That doesn’t help.” He replied gruffly. At least he wasn’t screaming at you.

“I know…” you sigh again, stretching your legs out in front and placing your hands on your lap, “but… she was only twelve, Daryl… I hate to say it but Shane was kinda right, she didn’t stand a chance.” You scoffed. Daryl made a grunt in response, “She was only a kid… in a sad kinda way, death was probably a good thing for her. She was growing up in a world full of death and decay. Death was a kind outcome for Sophia.”

“...try tellin’ Carol that…”

“... yeah, maybe we keep that between us, huh?” You knocked your shoulder against his.

It went quiet for another moment. You took the pause to think about what you were going to say next.

“This ain't a world for kids to be growing up in Daryl, you know that, right?”

“Yeah..” Daryl scoffed.

“I mean… I know I sure as hell don’t wanna bring kids up like this.”

“... so that’s it, huh? All we do is bump uglies?”

“Daryl…” you sighed, “that’s not what I meant.”

“No, go on and say it, cause I thought-“

“Daryl,” you cut him off, “I don’t wanna raise a kid in this world. Look at how much it changed Carl. If, and when, I have kids, I wanna… I wanna be able to bring them up in some sort of stability. I wanna be able to let them learn how to ride a bike in the middle of the street, or to play kerby for hours on end, I want my kids to have a childhood, not what Sophia or Carl have to endure.”

It was Daryl’s turn to sigh. He plucked up the courage to finally look over at you. Your side-profile was blooming with the golden hue from the sunset. It cast a kind of angelic look across your face. You weren’t looking at him, not even with your eyes. Daryl’s gaze lingered only for a moment before he turned his head.

You were right. Sophia’s death was a tragedy. It shouldn’t have happened but… this was no world for a kid to be living in.

“So, what, you wanna build up some kinda civilisation? You wanna rebuild humanity?”

“I guess…” you chuckled lightly. You knew how crazy it sounded, “you think I’m hoping for too much?” You looked over at Daryl and for a moment, your eyes met.

“Girl, I think you’re batshit crazy. You’re hopin’ for something’ way outta your zone. Try hopin’ for a rabbit for dinner.” He was joking, but the seriousness in his voice would throw someone less familiar with him off.

“Yeah… I guess I am hoping for too much. But you gotta have hope, right?”

“Yeah… it drives ya forward… gives ya something - anything - to cling on to… I… I hoped Sophia was alive… not just for my sake, or for Carol, but for everyone… cause if that little girl could outsmart all the geeks in the woods, we mighta stood a chance.”

You looked over at Daryl. He was staring at the ground. He was blinking a little too often and you knew that if you were looking at him head-on, you’d find tears in his eyes. Rick, Shane, Lori, Dale, everyone else, they didn’t see Daryl for who he truly was. He was a very broken man, but you saw beneath his hardened shell. It hadn’t been easy breaking him down, it had taken you since the start of the outbreak to get this far.

Daryl was a good man. People never even tried to see the good in him, though. They saw a hot-headed redneck and… well, they didn’t want to look after that. You saw him, though. You saw Daryl and he saw you, too.

“I kinda blame your old man for all this.” Daryl broke the silence, “he should not have left her alone.”

“... I kinda blame him, too.” You agreed, “but he didn’t have any other choice. If he did, I know he would not have left her like that. I’m sure he feels guilty enough without us pointing fingers.”

“I suppose…” Daryl took a breath, “what took ya so long to come see me, anyway?”

“I don’t know, maybe the fact you’ve been kinda rude to everyone else? I didn’t want you breaking up with me over this.”

“Nah, I’d never do that.” He managed to shuffle a little closer before slinging his arm over your shoulder. You melted into his touch. You had missed him.

“Will you come back, now, angel?”

“Back?”

“Will you move your damn tent back to camp, Daryl Dixon?”

“I don’t think you’re leavin’ me much choice, are ya?”

“I am not.”

You pushed yourself up and out of Daryl’s touch. He wanted to grab you back but you had already taken a couple of long strides forwards to get out of his reach.

“I am sorry about Sophia, Daryl. I know finding her meant a lot to you. At least you got your closure.” The golden glow was engulfing you now and Daryl really didn’t know how he’d been so lucky to land someone like you.

“Yeah…”

“Can you come back? You gotta shower- don’t look at me like that!” You chuckled, “come on, I’ll make it worth your while.”

Well, you didn’t need to say much more for Daryl to be pushing himself off of the log he had been perched on.

[illuminatedquill]

Nevertheless, Episode 9 (Preview)

Na Bi’s Choice

It’s almost time.

This will be my last post until after the latest episode drops, I think. I have no more to say; no more speculation to offer. I am actually still undecided as to whether I’m going to watch it tomorrow or binge it with the final episode next week. We’ll see.

So! I am here to offer a recap and a run down of where Na Bi has been and where, maybe, she’s going in this next episode based on everything I’ve seen so far. This is my opinion and if yours differs, I would love to hear about it.

Let’s do a recap:

Na Bi is, somewhat unsuccessfully, trying to move on from her relationship with Park Jae Un. In episode 8, we have two confessions (well, three, but Soljiwan don’t deserve to be a part of this angsty mess): one from Yang Do Hyeok, Na Bi’s childhood best friend, and one from Park Jae Un, local asshole.

Na Bi seems now aware of how messy her personal life is and has decided that now is not the best time to be dating. She turns down Do Hyeok, who only reassures and comforts her that it’s fine; he still likes her no matter what. Do Hyeok, best boy that he is, decides to respect her decision and give her the space she needs to choose what is best for herself.

Jae Un, asshole that he is, hasn’t gotten the memo that Na Bi desires an end to their drama and continues to invade her personal space and cross boundaries where he isn’t wanted. He does his own version of a confession and drops a hefty piece of info: that he was present at the night when Na Bi’s ex revealed his erotic sculpture of her and saw it all went down. He further reveals that he fell in love with her at first sight there.

Na Bi, thankfully, isn’t impressed.

(Not sure if the show is going to expand further on this info but we’ll see.)

At the end of episode 8, it’s evident that Jae Un is increasingly desperate to keep Na Bi by his side. He stalks her to the alleyway where they first talked all those episodes ago and drops that dumbass one liner about butterflies again.

And that’s where we left off.

Let’s break down Na Bi’s choices next. I’m not going to say how likely any of them are to happen; it’s all up in the air.

It’s Na Bi. We won’t know until she says it.

First off:

Park Jae Un

Let’s talk about it. Chemistry and attraction seem to reign supreme in Nevertheless and his case seems to be further bolstered by the fact that Na Bi seems unable to shut him out permanently (at this point, I’m not sure what exactly would be her breaking point with him). Yes, the two have evident feelings for each other but I’m feeling it more from him, rather than Na Bi.

The tables have certainly turned in this latter half of the drama: now Jae Un is the one desperately in love, whereas Na Bi is not willing to reciprocate. His gestures and advances of “sincerity” towards her come off as entirely self serving; I feel like he enjoys the feeling of being in love with her rather than actually being present in the relationship. It’s one thing to love someone; it’s another thing entirely to put in the work to make the relationship sustainable. And I have yet to see anything from either Jae Un or Na Bi that tells me that they could be a viable couple in the long run.

Also, Na Bi’s decision (if she sticks to it, which I hope she does) to not date anyone currently might have closed the door on this couple already: Jae Un clearly wants to date Na Bi now. There’s an interesting (and increasingly plausible) scenario that could arise from this:

Na Bi gives in and admits her feelings to him but still rejects him because they need to sort themselves out. Jae Un, impatient and wanting nothing short of a hard ‘yes’, takes this as a total rejection and leaves for America. Na Bi is heart broken once again but moves on. They meet again after he returns and it’s up to the viewer to interpret whether or not they give it a second chance.

Here are the factors that work in Jae Un’s favor: first, that damn explosive attraction he has with Na Bi. Although I think it’s wearing off by episode 8, it’s still a potent force. And the fact that Na Bi still has lingering thoughts and feelings towards him also speaks that she isn’t done with him, much to her dismay. Yes, she’s angry, suspicious, sad with him but if she really didn’t care she wouldn’t feel anything at all. And, despite Na Bi’s better judgment, we know he’s the one she keeps turning to.

Other factors? He’s the fucking main lead. Rarely do kdramas have the girl end up with anyone other than the main lead. Our best boy Do Hyeok isn’t even listed as a second lead. So, that’s something to take into consideration.

But don’t count Do Hyeok out just yet. Let’s talk about him.

Yang Do Hyeok

Best boy. One of three reasons why most of us are watching this mess (the other two being Soljiwan). Do Hyeok, despite all the factors previously mentioned working in favor for Jae Un, continues to represent a strong rival and possible endgame for Na Bi. So, let’s talk about him.

Nevertheless makes the strong case for Jae Un and his type of love but it also makes a strong case for Do Hyeok. He was a bright, yet brief presence in the webtoon and his screen time in the drama has definitely been extended to showcase even more of that sweet, charming smile of his.

I’ve written in a previous post about why Do Hyeok and Na Bi make sense and why their relationship is already so good even though they’re not dating but I’ll simplify for you all here: it’s based on an even playing field and has a strong foundation of friendship already present. Do Hyeok doesn’t leave Na Bi in any doubts about how feels about her; he comforts her when she’s feeling down even after she rejected him; he is attentive and cares for her deeply. And, also, she trusts him implicitly in a way she doesn’t with Jae Un. He makes her smile the most like no one else does. With him, Na Bi is unapologetically happy and carefree that she hasn’t been in a long time.

Do Hyeok’s only flaw is that he has epically bad timing. Which, unfortunately, matters a lot in relationships.

The feelings Na Bi has for Do Hyeok have been complicated by his confession but, in a rare moment of clarity (again something she doesn’t have with Jae Un who only confuses her), she turns him down in order to protect him from herself. So, yes, Do Hyeok is still the childhood best friend but only because Na Bi is keeping him safe. She doesn’t want to disappoint him.

One factor working in Do Hyeok’s favors: he’s still in the drama, for one. Seol-a, Jae Un’s ex, has been absent since episode five (although she’s making her grand return in this next episode). If the show was really done with Do Hyeok, it would have been a done deal by now (well, we’ll see what happens in episode 9) but it tells me that there’s still a plan for him. He’s not merely a distraction or being used for character progression for Na Bi and Jae Un.

The biggest thing going for Do Hyeok right now? He and Na Bi are endgame in the webtoon. There’s been plenty of talk about how they’ve made changes to differentiate the drama from the webtoon but I’ve been talking with others who have read the webtoon and we are in agreement: the changes, while substantial, have been to the characters and not so much the overall narrative. I’m not saying the ending will be exactly the same but I do think it will hit the same beats just in a different, healthier and happy way.

My scenario for Do Hyeok and Na Bi is that she makes the choice to finally ditch Jae Un for good but doesn’t commit to Do Hyeok immediately. She might stay friends with him after asking him to wait for her. We’ll see the set up and consummation for that in episode 10.

(However, since Nevertheless is entirely driven by the characters and their choices you could make the argument that those character changes are enough to warrant a different ending. So, take that as you will.)

Despite all the positive things I have to say about Na Bi and Do Hyeok, I have to stress that nothing is guaranteed here. The preview promises nothing but more pain and angst between Na Bi, Do Hyeok, and Jae Un. That’s the only certainty.

Well. There’s one more certainty. At least, I hope. In fact, it’s the most obvious and clear choice that Na Bi should be making in episode 9 and the one I hope the writers are gearing towards. It’s the only outcome any of us should care about, really.

Yu Na Bi

Yes, you read that right.

This is the only endgame we should really give a shit about. That Yu Na Bi chooses herself, her well being, her happiness, over anything else. Jae Un vs Do Hyeok - it’s not important and never really should have been.

Yes, we can all differ on the opinion of which of these two guys can best help her achieve this but Na Bi really needs to stand on her own to achieve this. Happiness has to come from within; she needs to fix what’s broken inside before she can be in a good relationship.

Na Bi needs to love herself first before anyone else. She deserves that so much. I want that before anything else and if she can get that, I will forgive the writers for all the BS they’ve put us through. And even if she chooses Jae Un. I’ll be happy for her and wishing her well.

(Although, again, Do Hyeok is the only one who gets that she needs to figure this out for herself, BUT it’s still Na Bi’s choice. It’s not that Do Hyeok deserves Na Bi, but she deserves someone sweet and good like Do Hyeok in her life.)

Best of luck to us all, Na Bi, and Do Hyeok tomorrow. It’s the beginning of the end. We’re almost there. Let’s wish them all happy endings.

I’ll leave you all this as the mind set you should have going into episode 9:

[amythedvdhoarder]

Making Decisions

Pairing: Steve x Reader

Summary: Steve lets something slip which results in you being removed from missions. Needless to say you’re not impressed

Warnings: Little bit of angst, the occasional bad language word, implied smut and lots of fluffy goodness.

Word count: 3.3K

A/N: (Gif not mine) I love a fluffy fic and am going through a Steve phase right now. Sooooo why not combine the two in honour of amazing August writing challenge hosted by the lovely @stargazingfangirl18​ and @navybrat817. I used the prompt “We’re not done yet.” 

Not beta read, any mistakes are my own.

Reblogs and feedback are most welcome, so let me know what you think x

Masterlist

xxx

You bit down on your bottom lip hard, the coppery taste of blood told you the delicate flesh had torn under the pressure. The sensation was the only think stopping you from shouting at the men sat opposite you. The anger coursing through you was simmering just below the surface, threatening to reveal itself at any minute.

Steve knew just by looking at you. How could he not? Your knee was bouncing up and down in an attempt to keep your temper at bay, eyes flashing dangerously in open defiance of what you were being told. What Steve was more concerned about was what was going to happen when you got home that night. He knew he was going to be in for it. He had told Tony the news in confidence as a warning, but Tony being Tony had jumped the gun, told Fury and it had been taken out of his hands. He hadn’t even realised what this meeting was about until you had walked in and he had put two and two together.

“We just think it’s for the best,” Fury said matter of factly.

“Do I at least get to ask why? I am still more than capable of doing my job,” you tried to keep the frustration out of your voice but you could tell by Steve’s wince next to you it hadn’t worked.

“Come on Y/N, it’s obvious isn’t it. This way we can guarantee your safety but also it prevents missions being compromised; we couldn’t do our jobs if we have to worry about you the whole time,” Tony replied.

“Worry about me? I am more than capable of taking care of myself. What is really pissing me off is that it isn’t your decision to make,” your voice was getting louder. Steve reached out and put his hand on your thigh, trying to calm you down. But the dirty look you shot him made him pull it back quickly and raise his hands apologetically.

“Y/N you’re not being fair. We have a responsibility to take care of the team. We are only do this because we care about you. It’s only 18months. You’re going to be occupied anyway,” Tony countered yet again.

You rounded on Steve now. “Have you got anything to say about this Captain?” His eyes widened at your challenge but he remained silent. Steve should have been backing you up but opted to remain silent, his silence speaking volumes to you; he agreed with them.

“Seems the decision is made. If you need anything don’t bother asking me.” The men didn’t have time to react as you got to your feet and headed out of the conference room.

Steve glared at Tony and Fury. Tony had the decency to look a little bit guilty about what had just happened but Fury, well he just shrugged, seemingly satisfied with the outcome.

“Steve-,” Tony started.

“Save it Tony, a heads up would have been nice.” Steve cut him off before heading out to follow you back to the apartment.

You heard footsteps behind you, knowing it would be Steve, you didn’t bother turning around. He was partly to blame for this.  As you reached your apartment you didn’t bother closing the door. You went straight to the bedroom and started pulling out your gym clothes. You heard the door go and Steve walk in. Ignoring him you went into the bathroom and locked the door. Steve sat on the bed and waited patiently for you to come out, hoping you were a little calmer and would be willing to listen.

Five minutes later you emerged; hair pulled up into a high pony all ready for the gym. He didn’t say anything but just watched you as you leant down and pulled on your trainers.

“I’m off for a run,” you stated flatly.

“Are you sure that’s a good idea?” You paused and looked at him.

“I wasn’t asking permission.”

Steve groaned “Honey, can you please stay so we can talk about this?”

“Now you want to talk? Didn’t seem like you had much to say earlier,” you bit back

As Steve stood up and walked towards you, you took another step towards the door.

“Please let me explain.” He sounded desperate now.

“I don’t think so.” You yanked open the door.

“Y/N. We’re not done yet,” he called after you.

xxx

Years ago, you had discovered that running helped clear your head. Whenever you were stressed or wound up an hours run would help put everything into perspective. Actually, running was how you had met Steve. You had been with Sam that day in Washington when Steve showed up, running literal rings around the pair of you. Both of you had followed Steve during his mission to take down Hydra, then during his search for Bucky. After that, when all of you were exiled things shifted between the two of you and the rest was history.

The tension began to leave your body as your feet thudded against the treadmill. You really wanted to go for a run outside of the compound but you knew Steve would have insisted on coming with you, even if you weren’t really on speaking terms. To be honest you understood why you had been taken off missions, you were going to step back anyway, but you wanted to do it on your terms. You had always been fiercely independent, being part of a team was challenging at times but you had always had some input. But having a decision made for you without being consulted made you feel like you weren’t in control anymore.

Steve wanted to follow you down to the gym but realised he needed to give you some space, some time to calm down. He understood why you were pissed off. He would have felt exactly the same. Tony would have to be dealt with later, the stupid idiot probably thought he was helping not realising the fallout telling Fury would cause. Since finding out, Steve had discussed what you wanted to do moving forward; you wanted to complete the last couple of missions you had prepared for, before taking a step back and doing more background work for the team. Steve supported you, he didn’t like it, but it was your decision. Whilst it was inevitable that you would have to cut back your involvement with the team, Steve was also questioning what he should do. He hadn’t discussed it with you yet, but he had an idea.

xxx

He was laying on the bed when you got back from the gym, he glanced up and gave you a quick smile as you disappeared into the bathroom. Your routine never changed after a run; quick shower, pull on one Steve’s t-shirts and follow up with a cup of tea. The tea was waiting for you on the bedside table when you came out of the bathroom.  You climbed onto the bed and turned on your side to face Steve. He mirrored you, leaving a small space between you, staying silent, allowing you to take control.

“Stevie, I’m sorry.” He reached out and swept some loose strands of damp hair back behind your ear.

“So am I. You had every right to be angry. I only told Tony to give him a heads up and also to get his advice. I should of -,” you cut him off by leaning and pressing a kiss to his lips. He sighed into the kiss, before gently rolling you so you were on your back allowing Steve to run his hand over your growing bump, your own hand coming to rest on his.

“Maybe Tony and Fury are right. I would be a liability in the field. Do you really think you would be able to focus if we went on a mission with you?” You gestured to your bump with your free hand.

Steve gave you a half smile “I always keep an eye on you during missions. I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if anything happened you, even before.”

“Stevie,” you murmured softly as you trailed your fingers up his arm.

“Also, I went to see Fury when you were in the gym,” he paused to check your reaction. You raised your eyebrows in surprise but didn’t say anything. “I’m stepping back, at least until the baby is older. I want to be a good dad so I’m only going to be on day missions after this. That way I’ll be home every night to help,” Steve laced his fingers with yours.

“Steve I-“ your voice barely over a whisper.

“I’m sorry I didn’t discuss it with you first,” his blue eyes locked onto yours. “I just-“ he was babbling nervously now.

“Hey,” you turned to face him again, fingers carding through his hair “I’m not mad Steve. I love you. I just can’t believe your doing this. It’s not like this was planned but I know that our baby is so lucky to have you as a dad.”

“You sure?” Steve was a little surprised by how well you taking this considering the meeting earlier today.

“What about? Being mad, loving you or you being a good dad?” you teased

“Not funny Y/N.” Steve gently rolled you over so that he was straddling your hips, arms on either side of your head, keeping his weight off you. “I love you my baby mama.”

You giggled beneath him and reached up to stroke his cheek. “Isn’t this how all this started Captain?”

“I’m not sure. I’m over a 100, maybe I need a refresher?” He grazed his lips against yours.

Needless to say, your post gym cup of tea was forgotten about completely.

Taglist is open so let me know if you want in or out!

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[caxsthetic]

SOLEMN PROMISE — Kita Shinsuke x Reader

Chapter 3: Love Again

Type: TV Series (Multiple Chapters)

Cast: Kita Shinsuke, Miya Atsumu, Kuroo Tetsurou

Storyline: Love couldn’t guarantee that a relationship would last forever. And you learn about it by yourself; with signed paper, and an empty ring finger.

Genre: Slice of Life, Drama

“Yeah.” He patted her back, letting her know that he listened to every word she said. “Relationships are not that simple. You can try to love, you can compromise, but still fail in the end.” He sighed, couldn't believe he let himself think about this too. "But that's just how love is — I guess."

You were afraid to fall in love — again.

He could see it from the very first moment he met you. Kuroo was not that stupid. Yes, he may not be that good with women or relationships in general, but he was observant enough to see right through you.

Lots of his friends had been mourning because of heartbreak. One of his friends that was now an outside hitter for the Japan National Team even once woke up his neighbours while in such an emotional state. Screaming out loud after a break up with his lover.

Kuroo had lived long enough in this world to know, to understand that love was not like how teen lit novels showed. It was not just butterflies inside the stomach, not just holding hands and won’t let go even if sweat already formed, not just kissing under the moonlight with speakers blaring some lo-fi songs.

Love was not just all about those blissful feelings that everyone seeks.

For love could be turned into a curse, leaving the one who got the sickness with misery and tears streaming down their faces. Sometimes — it even made someone lose their willingness to live.

And up until now, he still wonders why he brought you back to his apartment. Around two years ago, where he accompanied his best friend to cheer him up. He never thought that he would find what he hoped was love since he felt that he never had time for that.

Yet he found it inside a woman who drank lots of vodkas, drowning in pain and numbing her heart with alcohol. He found it inside a woman who asked for more liquor, more glasses, more, and more without stopping.

He found it inside a woman who was now lying on his couch, with his arms draped around her. Sleeping peacefully, forgetting the movie that was playing in the background that he muted so it wouldn’t wake her up.

He found the glimpse of love, unexpectedly inside you.

“I think I am gonna throw up.” Kuroo patted his friend’s back, shaking his head in disbelief. He couldn’t believe in himself though, he wondered why he agreed to go here, at the bar downtown while he had to go to the office around 7 am tomorrow.

Maybe because he cared for his friend too much. Yeah, that must be it. The rowdy wing spiker just got his heart shattered into a million little pieces and as a good friend he is, he had to be there.

“I-I am going to the toilet.”

“You okay going alone?” Truth be told, he was extremely worried since he knew sometimes when his friend became too emotional, something bad could happen and he didn’t want that.

“Duh, I am a grown-up.” His friend rolled his eyes, acting so tough. “I can pee alone thank you. I am not going to be hysterical while peeing anyway.”

Kuroo snorted at the answer, somehow doubting that since his mind was already prepared with things that he should do once he heard someone crying and screaming from the restroom. He didn’t show it though, believing that his friend could take care of himself.

He was alone now. Not entirely, but now he hoped his friend chose a table instead of sitting directly at the bar. He could feel the eyes of the bartender staring at him, and it very much made him uncomfortable. He owes me lots. His fingers raked the black strands of his hair as he could only grumble under his breath.

His eyes darted to the non-alcoholic drink that he ordered, sighing as now he thought about something that he never let himself fall into — love.

He knew how it felt to be in a relationship with someone, he had been there, and he didn’t want to go back again. 

Though, his heart longed to have all of that; physical contact, good morning text, knowing someone was there for him, sweet kisses every meeting. He could get all of those again if he wanted, but he decided not to.

Kuroo Tetsurou didn’t want to be with someone again, investing his time to love — not when he knew it was no use. Since in the end, nothing would last forever.

But then again, he never expected you to come barging into his life.

“Why do ya look so fucked up?” He jolted when he could feel someone’s breath on his ear, making him stumble and almost fall from the stool. “Man, yer not even wasted yet so tense! Loosen up, old man!”

Holy fuck, did this drunkard woman really just called me an old man?

“I am sorry, miss. I am here to accompany a friend.” Though no matter how irritated he was from her words, he made sure to stay polite. After all, there was no good outcome from fighting a woman — a drunk woman to be exact.

“Then what’s yer drink? That one you ordered looks so bland.” His eyebrow twitched, letting out a sigh from the blunt statement. “You didn’t look like someone just ripped your heart apart yet you seem more depressed than me, sir.” 

She cackled, making him groan, and hit his forehead on the bar table, questioning what he did in the past life to encounter someone like her. “Hm? I may still have my heart intact.” He said it with an absolute tone, confidence lingering his words. “But that doesn’t mean my life is not troublesome. Grow up, young lady, love is not everything.”

“Shut the fuck up.”

He was a little bit flabbergasted when he heard the sudden change of intonation. She was so cheery and mischievous before. But now he could feel the hair on his nape tingling as he received a glare from the woman. The stranger just sighed and focused on the drink in her hand, staring at it with the same intense glare that he just got.

“Yeah, yeah love is not everything. Even a child knows that.” She scoffed and drank her liquor in one gulp before ordering the same thing again to the bartender. Now she looked stressed, heartbroken — eyes glistening with tears as it almost fell down her cheek. “But he’s everything to me.”

He raised one of his eyebrows when he heard the mumbles that slipped from her tongue. She kept rambling under her breath, saying thanks to the bartender after she got her drink once again, but continued to mutter things. 

Not going to lie, he felt bad now since he thought it was his fault that she cried. If only he didn’t nudge deeper about love, maybe she would just tease him non-stop instead of being a mess like his friend did.

“Hey,” He called out, making her turn to face him. She looked so much in pain, as if needing some comfort, that was what he was sure of as he leaned closer. “I am sorry for being nonchalant. I am all ears if you need someone to vent, okay?” His hand rested on her shoulder, patting it gently, trying to show her that he meant no harm.

She didn’t say anything for the next few seconds. And he could feel himself being awkward now with how the silence ensued. His eyes darted to the restroom, maybe he could excuse himself after this to check out on his friend if she wouldn’t say anything.

“I am in love with this man. He is the definition of perfect.” She spoke up, though her words making him pursed his lips, couldn’t believe that someone could fall in love that deep to the point they called them perfection. “Shin is someone who can keep me grounded, he is like the anchor to my wild life.”

A chuckle slipped from her lips, followed by a little genuine smile. “We are so different, but it makes us complete each other, you know? Just opposite attract thingy~” She looked like a teenager in love, bubbly and rambling about her first love. “Bet if he saw me right now, he would whoop my ass back once we are home — not that I am complaining.”

He shuddered from the suggestive tone that rolled down her tongue, though a little bit amused at how she was so starstruck over this Shin guy. “Ah, no. He… He would not approve this though.” Her voice softened, reminiscing the relationship. “Instead, he would take care of me, changing my clothes gently, tucking me in bed, and preparing some aspirin for me when I wake up the next day.”

From how her orbs glistened with joy, everyone could see how much in love she was with this man she was talking about. “I love him, I am so in love with him. And he loves me too! I know he loves me too. Granny knows that, our friends know that, but—” 

Then came again, the sorrow inside her eyes.

“Like what a wise woman once said to me," She cleared her throat, cleaning it from the alcohol that was coating it before. "Sometimes, love is not enough to save a relationship.”

He hummed, pondering about the sentence. His mind took him back to when he had someone to come home to. How he already fought so hard over it, putting time and effort for them, how even with all the attention and affection that he gave, in the end, it didn’t work out like he wanted to.

Kuroo Tetsurou refused to fall in love — because he knew love was not enough, and trying hard to keep a relationship still wouldn’t guarantee for it to last.

“Yeah.” He patted her back, letting her know that he listened to every word she said. “Relationships are not that simple. You can try to love, you can compromise, but still fail in the end.” He sighed, couldn't believe he let himself think about this too. "But that's just how love is �� I guess."

She only snorted and focused back on herself. Maybe feeling a little bit at ease that he finally let out what troubled her. Then she drank her liquor in one gulp, ordering the same thing, again and again as she wallowed herself in sadness. 

Tonight, he didn’t expect to meet someone like her. He was just here to be a good friend and cheering his friend up, letting him drink as much as he wanted. It was late now, almost 1 am. For him, it was late since he had work in just a few hours. His friend was already back from the restroom and decided that it was best to numb himself with drinks.

And now, Kuroo Tetsurou was left with two wasted people.

She was mumbling under her breath with her eyes closed, too low that he couldn’t hear it. While his friend snores so loud that he received an irritation look from the bartender and the few other patrons. Yeah, he had to leave now.

Gently, he picked his friend up, cursing since his friend was almost twice as big as him. Yes, he worked out a lot, but his body was still lean compared to the snoring man that was giggling here and there in his arm. And for sure he didn’t want to know what kind of dream his friend had.

The black-haired man laid his friend on the backseat of his car, locking the door since he still had to pay for the drinks. He almost cried when he heard the grand total. No matter how much money he had right now, he still didn’t like to spend lots in just one night.

He was ready to step out, bringing his friend back home. Though his eyes flickered to the woman who he just met, now still asleep and mumbling under her breath. But something was different — since now she looked like she had a nightmare, gasping with tears streaming down her face. Muttering,

“I am sorry. I am sorry. I am sorry.” Again and again without a pause as if the man that she loved was currently standing in front of her. She finished the apology with a soft, cracked voice. One that made him sighed and paid for her drinks too before taking her to his car.

Kuroo may not know her, but he couldn’t just leave someone who opened up to him about herself. He positioned her on the passenger seat, making sure that she was safe with a seatbelt fastened in front of her body.

He couldn’t leave her there inside the bar, sobbing and crying all alone. She was a woman, with no friends around to protect. Who knows what would happen to her if he left with just his friend.

And of course, he didn’t have the heart to abandon her, not when she was in so much pain, missing the other half of her heart.

“Good morning, sleepyhead.” 

He heard you yawn, followed by a loud thud since you rolled your body to the side, making you fall to the ground not knowing that you were still on the couch.

“Fuck!” His laughter spread all over the living room when he heard you curse. One, two, “Tetsu!” Ah, woman. “Why the heck am I still here?!”

You grumbled, standing up with your lips jutted out to the front, didn’t like the fact that you were now sore all over your body. If you were sore because of sex or something, so be it, you wouldn’t complain.

But to have your muscles all tense and bones felt like it cracked just because of you sleeping on the couch? You were not going to shut up about it for days.

“I can’t believe you.” You scoffed and slipped yourself on the island’s stool, glaring at the man who was now cooking some omelet for breakfast. “I told you that sleeping on the couch hurts.”

“Well, I didn’t want to wake you up.” He didn’t dare to turn his head, knowing exactly that you threw a dagger at him with your eyes at the moment. The pressure you put on was real and now he was stalling the moment by lowering the fire on the stove.

"I am a heavy sleeper, Tetsu." You sighed, popping the seedless grape on the kitchen island to your mouth. "You know that. It would be fine if you drag me to the bed or something."

“Ah, sorry. I forgot you sleep like a log.” He smiled sheepishly before finally turning off the stove, placing the omelet into the pristine white plate. “Here you go.” He gently pushed the plate in your direction, thinking that maybe food could bring your mood back to normal.

But no, you grabbed it and ate with your lips still formed in a thin line. You even cut the omelet with force, making a sound that rang in his ear as the stainless steel knife made contact with the porcelain plate, resulting in him to hiss since he didn’t like the sound of it.

Now he knew that you were trying to torture him. You know some annoying sound that made him feel uncomfortable, and this is one of it.

“Hey, now.” He tried to call you out, wanting to make you stop. “(Y/n), oi!” It didn’t make you stop though. Instead, he ended up fueling you even more, making you clang your knife harder to the plate. “I have a gift for you before but now I don’t know if I should give it or not.”

Then you stop moving, lips parted as your eyes meet with his. Gotcha.

“What is it?”

“Like hell I’ll tell you after that little stunt you did.”

His voice sounded mischievous, the smirk that plastered on his face right now just showed how he felt like he won this fight. “I will tell you if you stop pouting and acting like a child.”

You held his gaze for a few seconds there, contemplating if surrendering was the best choice. But you were too curious, he was not really the type to give you something out of the blue. So it must be pretty special — and you wanted to know.

“Alright, alright.” You gently put the knife and fork down, resting both of your hands on the kitchen island. “So? What is it?”

“Hehe,” The black-haired man didn’t say anything, though his hand went to his back, grabbing something from the pocket on his pants. “Here you go!” And he slammed it in front of you, pulling his hand away to reveal the item.

It was just a piece of paper with a metallic print for the text. They finished the whole paper with a glossy coat, making it more resistant to water. Though, the material was not the thing that caught your eyes.

But the text, what emblazoned there was the one that made your eyes go wide.

VIP PASS

TOKYO OLYMPIC MEN’S VOLLEYBALL — DAY 12

Having a boyfriend who worked in the Japan Volleyball Association really intrigued you. Sometimes you would ask here and there about who was the best player at the moment, and even though you wanted to bury your old life behind, you couldn’t help but be proud when a certain setter, middle blocker, and wing spiker was mentioned.

“You like it?” Your body jolted when you heard his question. Muttering a simple ‘Yes.’ as you were still in shock with the gift. “You said you wanted to know the fields that I work in, so I think this will be a good time.”

He walked towards you as you grabbed the ticket, thumbing the smooth surface of the glossy coat. “Let me show you the world that I am in.”

Something tugged at the string of your heart. Volleyball. The said sport had been important to you since Junior High, you couldn’t shake the feelings that started to brim in your heart. You tried to shake it off, but it was still there, screaming out your name.

“What—” You swallowed a huge lump, letting your boyfriend rest his chin on your shoulder as your eyes still focused on the metallic lettering. “What match? What team is it?”

Kuroo hummed softly, nuzzling his head on your cheek, didn't realise how uncomfortable you were at that moment. He didn’t even notice how your voice trembled a little. He was just there, feeling certain that you were excited.

“Japan versus Argentina.”

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[bangtanloverboys]

backstage passes // kth

summary - ever since you befriended kim taehyung of bts, he’s practically begged you to go to one of his concerts. having suffer a bit from claustophobia, you always decline until he gets the idea to have you backstage

pairing - idol!kim taehyung x gender neutral!reader

genre - fluff; idol au

word count - 5.1k

warnings - minor descriptions about panicking at a concert, kim taehyung is dangerous, kissing, kim namjoon is kind of an idiot 

author’s note - this is an old wip i decided to dust off and post for @rougebangtan birthday today!!!! happy birthday maria!!! love you so much and i hope you enjoy this!! side note, i mainly used 5th muster magic shop for this so. . .190623 taehyung

You loved Taehyung. You really did, but as of recently he was really starting to get on your nerves. 

“Come on, baby, pleaaase.” Taehyung practically purred in your ears. You rolled your eyes at him, pushing him away from you. 

“Taehyung, we talked about this. I’m not going to your concert.” You’ve been arguing with your friend over this topic the past few days. He really wanted you to attend the Muster concert next week and it wasn’t that you didn’t want to go, it was the fact their concerts are known to be packed. You suffer a bit from claustrophobia. It wasn’t that bad but the mere thought of being trapped in between God knows how many bodies all moving and shouting was enough to have your body tense up. 

   He crossed his arms and pouted at your refusal once again. He’s been like this the past year and a half you’ve known him, always acting like a child. 

You’ve been friends since you were a background dancer for their IDOL music video. How you met was because you missed a step, like an idiot, and ended up toppling right into THE Kim Taehyung! V of BTS! You were absolutely embarrassed and was completely ready to be fired from the shoot right then and there. Taehyung however, brushed it off and laughed. Assuring you that he was alright and that at least neither of you got majorly injured. 

The director called out a break and you quickly rushed away from the set to the breakroom and get yourself some water and try to not freak out. Taehyung seemed to have a different idea as he followed you, keeping silent as you wandered through the hallways of the studio. He didn’t have time to make himself known as soon as you turned around after getting water, you screamed seeing the half and half haired boy and dropped your water cup.

“Are you always this excitable?” Taehyung asked, laughing as you again started to apologize profusely. 

And that was the start of your glorious friendship. You’ve met the other guys as well, and they’re all humble and really fun to be around. Spending whatever free time they have with them at their places either drinking or playing Mario Kart. But spending mainly a lot of time with Taehyung, as he claimed to be your closest friend out of them all since ‘he befriended you first’.

“What do I have to do to convince you to come to the concert?” Taehyung begs, clearly not wanting to drop the subject.

“Taehyung, I’ve told you this before. I do want to go, trust me. But if I get in that audience, I can guarantee you I will have a panic attack.” You’ve tried before and that’s what happened, you were going to the concert as a little surprise for him but soon as you stepped foot in the venue, you turned on your heel and left. When you told Taehyung, he quickly reimbursed you from his own pocket. You told him multiple times that you didn’t mind not getting a refund, he still transferred you the amount of money you spent on the tickets. 

The brunette bit the inside of his cheek before falling back onto your couch, deep in thought of what to do next. The remainder of his visit was spent in silence as the two of you watched a drama on Netflix. You noticed in the corner of your eye that Tae was texting someone throughout the show, you dismissed it though, he was probably talking to his band members or a manager. Usually that had two outcomes, one he could spend the night but leave really early or two he had to leave as soon as he could. As much as you wished it was the first one, it was more often the latter. Once the drama was over, he stood up saying he received a text from JK saying he was needed back at the dorms. He pressed a quick kiss to the top of your head before saying goodbye and promising to call you later. 

With a sigh, you turned off the TV and headed back to your room. At this point in your friendship, you were used to Taehyung jumping up and leaving at a moment's notice. What else can you expect from being friends with one of the world’s biggest idols? It just hurt a little more each time he had to leave.

Another factor of your heart hurting whenever he left was the matter of your growing feelings for him. You know he would never feel the same about you, so what was the point in trying? You groan, covering your face with a pillow, you just wanted to have normal feelings with your friends. You spazzed about on your bed, really trying to forget your feelings.

You must’ve fallen asleep at some point because the next thing you know your phone is ringing, waking you from slumber. Patting the bed around you, you find your ringing phone to see that ‘Taehyungie’ is calling you at 2 in the morning.

“What?” You grumble into the phone as you answer.

“You can sit backstage.” Did he really call you at 2 am to again try to convince you to see his concert?

“Tae, it’s 2 in the morning. I was sleep-”

“Forget that, the concert. I talked with the guys and Yoongi brought up the idea of you sitting backstage and watching us from there!” He explained, “you’ll be away from the crowds and the staff will look after you!”

“If I say yes will you leave me alone?” You rub your eyes, officially caving in and trying to move on. 

“Yes!” 

“Then yes. Goodnight.” With that, you end the call and toss your phone onto the bedside table. You pulled your blankets around you and curled up. You were going to regret this.

It’s a full week before you hear from Taehyung again, and when you do, it’s the night before Muster and he arrives at your door. You were a bit shocked at the fact he came to see you so suddenly, and you were happy to see him but what would prompt him to come to your apartment unannounced?

 Before you have a chance to ask him what was up, Taehyung just waltzed right in. Normally this was okay, but again he came over without telling you and you were just about ready for bed. Plus he had to get up early for Muster didn’t he? What was he doing here?

“As much as I love seeing you here, what are you doing?” You ask as he collapses onto your couch.

“I can’t come and visit my favorite friend?” Taehyung asked, looking slightly offended. The look on his face suddenly had heat rushing to your face.

“No! I didn’t mean it like that, just, you have Muster in the morning-”

“And I got permission to stay here for the night, just have to leave a bit earlier.” He explains, shrugging as if that was obvious. 

“Okay, cool. You didn’t think so tell me first? What if I had someone over?” You really don’t mind having him over but you also really wanted to have some sort of privacy. He of all people should know how valuable privacy is. 

That causes him to snap to attention. “It’s not like you to bring people home, Y/N.” Taehyung muses, “I didn’t even know you dated.”

You’re not sure if you should be offended by his words. “It was just an example, first of all. And I do date. . .just not often. . .” you muttered under your breath. Most of the dates you went on usually ended with either them never speaking to you ever again or you fleeing from boredom. 

Taehyung just laughs at you before beckoning you to sit next to him on the couch. You did so and instantly Tae wrapped his arms around your torso, burying his face in the crook of your neck. The sign of affection caused the heat in your cheeks to spread to your ears. While Taehyung being affectionate wasn’t anything new, this time it felt. . . different? 

Not one to deny cuddles, you openly welcome his affection; wrapping your arms around him and running your fingers through his hair. The two of you just sat in silence while the show on Netflix you were watching is long forgotten.

You can feel yourself slowly start to nod off when you feel Tae start to sit up. You whine at the loss of his warmth, did he have to leave already? “Don’t leave,” you mumble as you move your hand to grab at him.

“Not leaving yet, just moving to the bed.” You hear his voice explain, you can feel his soft hands pull you to your feet and lead you to your room. All this time, you’re too tired to even really open your eyes so you just let him lead you, trusting Taehyung completely. 

He leads you straight to your unmade bed and helps lay you down in the middle of the bed. You hear some shuffling of clothes and you peek open your eyes to see the man strip from his T shirts and jeans to just boxers and suddenly you’re very aware that he’s going to be sleeping in the same bed as you.

The side of the bed dips next to you and you look to see Taehyung again wrapping his arms around your torso, you could feel the warmth of his skin through the material of your thin shirt. He presses a kiss to your hair, whispering “Go to sleep, baby” and with that, you immediately shut your eyes, hoping that this is a dream and when you wake up you don’t have the most handsome man you’ve probably ever laid eyes on in your bed. 

You’re woken up by the shifting around in your bed, the warmth that was surrounding you no longer present and you whined. Tossing on your side to try and steal the remaining warmth from the now empty spots on your bed. 

“Sorry, Y/N, we gotta leave now.” Taehyung’s voice is very close to you and you feel him brush some hair from your face. “We’ll see you at the concert later.”

“Mmhmmm,” you groaned, just wanting to go back to sleep. All you hear is his chuckles as they shuffle out of your room and out of your apartment. Your phone buzzes a few minutes later, but you don’t bother to check it as you’re way too tired to even attempt to open your eyes. It’s way too early for you to be up and you know it. How he ever functions getting up this early, you’ll never know.

For the third time, you wake up and you stay awake this time (much to your dismay). Sunlight trailing in through your open curtains, you push yourself to sit up in your bed. Did last night really happen? Did Kim Taehyung, your friend, whom you’ve had a growing crush on cuddle you as you slept in the same bed? As much as you wanted to believe otherwise, it did happen as there’s no denying the deep indentations on the side of the bed where you definitely weren’t sleeping.

Reaching over to your bedside table, you fumble around to grab your phone and check the time. It’s almost 10 am, and you see that you have a few texts from Taehyung that was sent about 5 hours ago. Jesus, he really did leave early didn’t he. You open the texts and it’s basically a goodbye note saying he didn’t want to wake you up and that a car will be sent for you at around 5 pm. He really did think of everything. 

Closing your phone and getting out of bed, you make your way to the kitchen to make yourself some breakfast. What you’re going to do for the next 7 hours before the concert, you have no idea, but probably to save time you’ll stay inside. 

After a quick cereal breakfast and watching a few episodes of a drama, you glance at the time and see it’s now 3 pm. Thinking enough time has passed, you decide to start getting ready for the concert. You quickly put away all your dirty dishes from breakfast and the night before, seeing how you didn’t last night with Taehyung’s unexpected arrival.

Quickly, you make your way over to your bathroom and start the shower and that’s when you get a call from him. 

“Hello?” You answer, stepping out of the bathroom so the rushing water wouldn’t drown out the call.

“Hey there, you getting ready?” It almost sounded like Taehyung was shouting into the phone.

“Am I on speaker?” You ask, wanting to be careful of what you’re going to say depending on who is in the room.

“Nope, just me,” he responded. 

“Gotcha, and yes. I’m about to hop in the shower, what’s up?” 

“Oooh, baby gonna make themselves nice for me,” Taehyung teases through the phone. 

“Yes, you’re the only boy in existence I’ll get dressed up for.” You roll your eyes at them. “Plus ARMY always dresses to the nines with their concert outfits, might as well try to blend in a bit.”

“Mmm, that’s true. But I bet you’ll be the best dressed there though.” His voice was very flirtatious, and you swear you could feel your cheeks burn in embarrassment despite being alone. 

“I’ve literally seen your concert outfits, y’all really think I’m going to be the best dressed one when you and the other members are literally wearing silk and diamond jewelry?” You were lucky enough to see a few of their snapchats of them trying on and accessorizing their outfits for Muster a few weeks ago when Taehyung first brought up you going and you were breathless at what they all wore. 

“Whatever you wear though, I’m sure you’ll look better than us. Designer clothes or no.” Taehyung’s sickly sweet voice was churning more butterflies in your stomach.

Before you have the chance to respond, you notice the copious amount of steam coming from your bathroom. “Aahh, I gotta go. Wasting the hot water, I’ll see you guys soon!”

“Have fun, be safe, think of me!” Tae says as you end the call. Of course he’d say something like that, the weirdo. You love him for it though. 

Putting your phone down on the bed, you strip down and make your way to the shower and quickly clean yourself without wasting any more water than you already have. Shower done, you dry yourself down with a towel before wrapping it around you and making your way to your closet and begin pulling out clothes to wear. Keeping it a bit casual but also up to enough standards for your favorite boys, you threw on a nice pair of dark pants and a blue button up. Looking in the mirror you couldn’t help but feel as if you’re missing something. . .that’s when you notice a shine from your bedside table. 

When you pick up said shiney thing you notice it’s a necklace that you’re sure you’ve seen Taehyung wear at some point. He must’ve left it here last night. . .well you are seeing him again in a few hours so might as well add it to your outfit so you don’t forget to give it to him. You quickly clasp the silver chain around your neck and play with it for a few seconds, the metal cool against your skin. 

Turning towards your mirror, you deem your outfit to be complete. Minus shoes, but you already had an idea for shoes. Jungkook gifted you a pair of black boots for your birthday not too long ago; they were similar to his with the spiky soles after hearing you compliment how cool they were. So on a whim he just bought you a pair after asking your shoe size. Knowing they probably cost more than your monthly rent, you wanted to strangle him. Expensive material items weren’t usually your thing, so you liked it best when they gave you more personal items. 

You checked your phone and took notice that the ‘OT7 + Y/N’ chat was active once again. You quickly scrolled through the texts, most of them from the other members saying how happy they were to see you at the concert tonight (Yoongi sent you a private message saying how proud he was of you for going out despite knowing your fear of crowds and tight spaces, and that tugged on your heart strings a bit).

You laughed a bit before sending your usual ‘Break a leg’ text, flopping on your bed. You still had about an hour left before the car would arrive to get you. So you mindlessly scroll through your social media feeds, just waiting for the text from either of the guys saying the car is on it’s way. 

Just as you were grabbing a bottle of water from your fridge, you got a text from Tae saying that the car should be about 5 minutes away. With that warning, you grabbed your keys and wallet and made your way out of your apartment and down towards the garage where you were instructed to go. 

Soon enough, you were on your way to the venue and as you watched the world pass outside you could feel your heartbeat start to pick up as the crowds started getting larger and larger. Why did you agree to this? Why? Your heart felt like it was about to drop to your stomach as you got closer and closer to the venue. 

The car pulled up into the back where all the staff were waiting for you. A manager pulled open the door for you and you felt a bit frozen in the seat. 

“Y/N, please follow us. You’ll be fine, we promise.” He said, holding out his hand for you to grasp. Slowly, you took the manager’s hand and let yourself be led into the venue and around the backstage until you were brought into what you assumed to be the main dressing room as there were all 7 guys, dressed and stylized to the max. 

“Y/N!” They all called out as you entered the room, they all raised their arms to give you all a group hug but they stopped when they noticed you flinched at the sudden movement. 

“Hey, you okay?” Jimin asked, raising a brow at you.

“Fine, just. . .nervous. . .” You gave them all a weak smile, trying to put on a brave face. 

Yoongi nodded in understanding, he slowly approached you and handed you a water bottle. “Drink this, if anything happens while we’re on stage: tell a staff member and they’ll escort you out.” 

You nodded as you started to gulp down the water and put it down on the table. When you looked back up, Taehyung had a bit of a frown on his face, clearly not liking the idea of you leaving while he’s on stage. “Do I get a sneak peek at the setlist?” You ask, changing the subject from your rising anxiety.

Namjoon rolled his eyes and crossed his arms. “Nice try-”

“But you’ll get a hint!” Taehyung jumped on his shoulders, cutting him off. “It’s how we met!”

Of course they’ll do IDOL. It was one of their main tracks. You simply roll your eyes at them and start keeping small conversation as the staff around them rush around to get ready for the show. They get their makeup and hair retouched as needed, and you watch with close eyes as they work like a well oiled machine. 

Taehyung keeps you at a close distance from where he’s being worked on, talking with the stylists and you about the concert and what he’s excited to see happen from ARMY. You just smile and watch through it all. He looks absolutely breathtaking as well, hell they all do, you can tell for sure that their ARMY is going to go feral over them (you might as well but you have to contain it).

“Places everyone!” You hear a stage manager call out. All of the stylists pull away from the members and they start filing out towards the door to the stage. You watch in awe as they all start to make their way out of the greenroom. 

“Come on, Y/N!” Taehyung grabs your hand and starts tugging you alongside them towards the stage. “Already found a spot where the crew said it was okay for you to sit and watch!”

You let the man drag you towards the stage entrance, the closer you get however, the louder the crowd gets and you can feel your heart pounding in your chest. Was it getting hotter? Or was that just you? You immediately stopped in your tracks, causing Taehyung to stumble a bit. He looked back at you, concern falling over his face. He took a few steps back to be closer to you and gave your hand a squeeze. 

“It’ll be okay, just keep your eyes on me.” He said, leaning forward and pressing a kiss to your forehead. “Eyes on me, okay?”

“Okay,” you nodded and he gave you another smile before sneaking out the entrance to take his place with the other guys. You could barely make out their outlines in the dark, but judging from the screams of the crowd they were out there. Soon as the lights went on, all you saw was a bright light and all you heard was the deafening screams of thousands ARMY. The speakers started blasting music, you weren’t sure if you could even really hear if over the crowds. 

You wanted to leave. You shouldn’t have agreed. You weren’t cut out for this. You were about to grab out for a staff member but then you laid eyes on Taehyung and your breath caught in your throat. You watched as he moved around with the other guys and suddenly all the noises of the crowd died away as they performed.

“Excuse me,” a staff member tapped you on the shoulder. “Taehyung wanted me to keep an eye on you, are you doing okay? Do you need anything?”

“I, uh,” you completely blanked for a second, completely lost in the performance. “Water, water please.” The staff member nodded and quickly got you another bottle of labeless water. You quickly downed a good portion of the water as you watched the guys move around and dance, having the time of their lives. 

They came on and off stage, Taehyung always checking on you when he had a spare moment. You could tell by the big boxy smile on his face that he was glad you were still here and watching the show. Granted, you had no idea how in the hell you managed to get through the loud noises of the crowds but you were barely alive after some of the sets you saw. Watching Taehyung during the 3rd act nearly killed you, because his stare suddenly reminded you how thirsty you are and you were out of water already. 

“Last stretch before the end, you having fun?” Namjoon asked you as he waited for the final que to be on stage.

“Yeah, you guys are doing awesome!” You said, looking to the leader as he gave you a big smile.

“I’m glad you came and stayed, especially for Taehyung’s sake. He really wanted you to come.” He said as he took a couple big gulps from a water bottle.

“Yeah, he wouldn’t let me say no until he wore me down.” You chuckled, “he really knows how to get you to say yes.”

“You can say that again, he was practically jumping for joy when you said yes though.” Namjoon smiled, probably reminiscing on the memory. “He likes you so much, he was about to scream if you didn’t come to the concert-”

“Wait what?” Taehyung likes you? You gave Namjoon a look and when he realized what he said, a staff member called out that it was time to leave. “Oh would you look at the time, I gotta get on stage. Bye!”

“Namjoon!” You hissed as the large man scrambled away from you and was quickly followed by the other members. 

Taehyung was the last but he stopped to stand next to you before going on stage. You just stared at him, he liked you? When did that happen? But do you confess to him first or do you wait for him?

“-Y/N? You there?” His voice rings in your ears. 

“Hmm-? Oh sorry, I uh, kinda phased out for a second.” You silently thank the fact it was hot backstage to excuse the growing blush on your cheeks. 

“I asked if you liked the show so far? You like it back here?” Taehyung asked, avoiding all the staff members yelling at him to go on.

“I’m loving the show, and I’d like it even more if you’d go out there and finish it!” You laugh as you push him towards the stage entrance.

“Fine fine, but you owe me for pushing me out in the middle of the conversation!” He said as he made his way out.

“I’ll give you a kiss at the end of the show, how about that?” You didn’t realize you said those words until the shocked look of Taehyung was pulled away from you and back onto the stage. Did you really just say that?

You were so wrapped up in your own thoughts for the next few minutes replaying that moment over and over again you didn’t realize the show was almost over and all that was left was the encore. You watched as they all sang and performed, looking out over the sea of ARMY bombs. The scene was so beautiful and serene, it almost brought tears to your eyes. 

As they said their goodbyes and thank yous, you could tell they were sad about the concert ending but at the same time they were exhausted from it so it was bittersweet. Once the stage went dark, a staff member started escorting you away from the stage doors and back towards the green room area. 

There you waited for the guys and it was mere moments when 6 exhausted men trudged into the room. “You guys did amazing!” You jumped up and down and clapped as they all gave you tired smiles and collapsed onto the couches around the room. You watched as they all sat down and wiped tears from their eyes and drank water, you noticed that Taehyung was missing. When you pointed this out to the other guys they were also perplexed. 

“He was right behind us? Wasn’t he?” Jimin said, looking around for his friend. 

“Y/N, can you go look for him? I don’t think I can move my legs,” Jin sighed from the corner of the room.  

“No problem! He can’t be that far behind right?” You gave a shrug as you went out the doors they came in.

Apparently he was far behind because you walked all the way straight back to the stage and Kim Taehyung was nowhere to be found. You looked into several other passages and asked staff members where he could possibly be, but came up with nada. 

“Tae, where the fuck did you go. . .” You muttered under your breath as you made your way back towards the green room and there the fucker was standing all alone. “What the fuck dude, I’ve been looking everywhere for you?!” 

Taehyung  gives a nervous chuckle, “Sorry I wanted to talk to you in private and this was a dumb elaborate scheme to make that happen.” You watch as he takes a cautious step towards you. “So. . . about what you said before I went back on stage. . .”

Heat rushed to your cheeks and you looked away from him. “I-I’m sorry about that, i have no idea where that came from.” You felt him come closer and pick your chin up to look back at him, his dark brown eyes not looking away from yours. “Namjoon said you liked me-!”

You watched a look of shock wave over his face, “Fucker. . “ he grumbled. “Uh, so uh, does that mean you-”

“I like you too,” you cut him off. Could your face get any hotter? Where was the damn A/C when you needed it? 

You watched him as he formed a smirk on his lips before bringing his face closer to yours. “So, does that mean you’ll be okay with this?” With that said, he brought his lips to yours and you stood there shocked for a moment before kissing back. You wrapped your hands around his shoulders, fingers playing with the hair at the nape of his neck. You could feel him smile into the kiss, causing your stomach to do flips.

You pulled away for a moment to catch your breath and he just stared at your with his rectangular smile. “Yes, I’m okay with that.” You laugh airly, he only responded with a good before connecting your lips again. His lips were soft and tasted faintly of strawberry chapstick, one you’ve probably seen him apply on a multitude of times. Never in your wildest dreams did you think you’d be able to taste it off of the man you’ve been crushing on for a few months now. Yet here you are. He pulls away and start to pepper the rest of your face with kisses, causing laughter to fill the room. 

“I don’t know about you, but I’m tired.” He said, pushing some hair from your face. “Wanna head out?”

You licked your lip and watched Taehyug’s face, his lips were kiss swollen and his hair was still sweaty. But the look in his eyes of full and utter adoration caused you to melt underneath his gaze. “Yes please.”

With that, he took you by the hand and led you out of the arena and the stage doors where the other members were waiting. They started cheering for the two of you as you walked to them hand in hand. 

“About time you two got together,” Jungkook sighed. “He was becoming unbearable with talking about you.”

“Ah Jungkookie, I don’t think just because he’s with Y/N doesn’t mean he’s gonna stop talking about them.” Namjoon laughed. 

“If anything, it’ll get worse.” Hoseok chuckled, causing Jungkook to groan.

“By the way Namjoon, I know you let it slip and don’t think because I’m in the honeymoon stage that I’ll let you get away with it.” Taehyung gave Namjoon a quick side eye, causing you to roll your eyes and press a kiss to his cheek.

The rest of the night was filled with drinks and cuddles and more kisses. All the things you wanted to tell him you could finally express. You’d never been more thankful for messing up a dance routine though, because if you didn’t mess up, you wouldn’t be in the arms of the man you love.