#group and so you can’t enter. you’re still in the wider community with these people

[iliveinprocrasti-nationn]

people have GOT to be more comfortable with some spaces not being about them. sometimes spaces are not for you. sometimes you will be told you cannot enter a space because it’s not for you. or you cannot bring a friend because a space is for you and not for them. that’s ok

[cas-backwards-tie]

The Graveyard

TF141 x Reader

Summary: A discussion of the Base’s upcoming Halloween celebration leads to the suggestion that Ghost actually participates this year. The question is… will he?

Words: 2.3k

Warnings: None(?)

A/N: for @vikki-tikki-tavii 💕 thanks for the request! This definitely felt appropriate for this time of year. I also meant to keep it on the shorter side but ahhh!!! I got so caught up in their back and forth, and the whole vibe of it all! 🙈 I hope you like it! Divider by @kodaswrld ❤️

“Any hints as to what you’re goin’ as?” Kyle asks Johnny from across the room.

“I’m not tellin’! No doubt you’d try an’ copy me,” Johnny responds.

“Maybe he just doesn’t wanna show up wearing the same costume,” you joke. Watching the way Kyle’s eyebrow quirks in that telltale way you just know he’s getting annoyed, meanwhile Johnny’s got a wicked smirk on his lips that can only mean he’s up to no good.

“Yeah, right,” Kyle scoffs. He turns back to his paperwork, the three of you in the Command Station respectively doing your menial work. It seems whatever conversation Kyle had tried to stir up about Halloween was fruitless, the room quieting as everyone refocuses.

The familiar sound of heavy footfall matched with the faint squeak of sneakers signals who’s approaching. “LT!” Kyle perks up. The work-related focus didn’t last long, you think. God only knows when the paperwork will finally get done. “You celebrating this year?”

“What? Halloween?” Ghost questions, turning to offer the Captain, who’d only just entered with him, a look. The Lieutenant shakes his head.

“I take it you’re looking forward to this year’s party?” John asks, placing down his water bottle on the counter by the doorway. His brow is still covered in sweat, the two senior officers having been scheduled for their quarterly assessment earlier this afternoon.

“What’s not to like? Handing out candy to the kids, seeing their little costumes-” Kyle leans back in his chair starting to list off all the reasons he loves this holiday.

“Still can’t believe I’m the only one who got Chase from Paw Patrol,” Johnny interrupts, muttering under his breath as he crosses his arms and turns to face the doorway, officially joining the conversation.

“Not all of us have nieces,” you quip, sending him a sarcastic look over your shoulder.

“-The costume contest, and the games? I’ve actually been practicing my apple bobbing the past few days. I’m going to win this year, guarantee it!” Kyle continues.

“Scaring the wee ones takes the cake though,” Johnny chimes in. “Surprised you haven’t signed up to volunteer in the graveyard, LT. Figure you’d like dressing up, all considering,” he jokes.

Every year the Base puts on a Halloween celebration for the community, and while there are different stations where volunteers hand out candy, there’s games, contests, and of course, the makeshift graveyard. It’s akin to that of a haunted house, only, it’s outside, and decorated in mostly lame attempted cardboard headstones, plastic ghosts, and bats. The fog machine certainly adds an eerie element, but what makes it are the volunteers who sign up. While it’s technically only another station to hand out candy, some of the soldiers like to add to the ambiance and scare the people walking through. Johnny definitely seems the type.

Unconsciously, a shocked look crosses your features. Johnny might not be wrong to think so, but to say it?! To Ghost’s face? Oh, hell no. While you look back at Johnny over to Ghost, you find you aren’t the only one shocked. John’s eyes are a little wider than usual, but no one comments.

“Yeah, and what should I go as?” The response from the LT elicits a quiet sigh of relief. You’re glad another physical blowout hadn’t ensued.

A visage of curiosity displays itself across the group’s faces, but it ultimately only takes a moment for people to pitch in.

“Ghostface?” Johnny proposes before shaking his head. “No… too on the nose?” A chuckle follows.

“Thor?” You offer something different.

“Shrek!” Kyle comments.

“I’d rather keep the mask on, if possible,” Ghost mentions.

“Devil?” The Captain questions.

“Death?” Johnny adds, to which you all look at him before looking back at the Lieutenant.

“The Grim Reaper!”

“Grim Reaper,” both you and Kyle voice at the same time. A jovial look is shared before you turn back to the Lieutenant waiting for a response.

“That’s actually quite good,” John approves, arms crossing as he leans against the counter.

“We’ll see,” the Lieutenant responds, not offering up any morsel of rejoice as he takes off his tac-vest and heads over to his locker.

It’s only a week or so later when Halloween finally arrives. And while it’s not the most commonplace celebrated holiday in Europe, it’s one that many have chosen to adopt in favor of its fun and creative festivities. You’d decided to dress up as a cat because it was easy. Draw on some whiskers and a nose, find a headband to go with it, and you’re still abiding by dress code even during the festivities.

Stationed on candy duty with Markowski from the Foreign Intelligence Committee, you both sit by the garage which had been opened up, cleaned, and civilian-proofed for the event. While you’d been chatting with your buddy in hopes of catching up, you spot movement from your peripheral. “Let me guess,” Markowski says, turning on his stool to eye the incoming pair of children. “Rapunzel, and…”

“Pasquel!” The other child shouts excitedly. A smile envelopes your lips as the family approaches and you hand out the candy. “You’re a kitty,” the little girl says to you.

“I am,” you reply. “Have you been having fun?” You ask her in response, yet still attempt to engage the whole family as well.

“Yeah!” Both little girls respond, thankfully. You don’t know what you’d do if they weren’t.

“It’s definitely a lot spookier than last year,” the dad chuckles, “Becca here almost cried because of that Skeleton in the Graveyard,” he teases.

“I thought that was the Grim Reaper,” the mother states, and you laugh despite not knowing exactly. You hadn’t seen all the decorations that the Base had put out this year, but while they never spent the most on extracurricular things like holidays, you know they do tend to upgrade things when the original gets damaged and needs a replacement.

Nevertheless, the family thanks you for your service and heads off to the next group of soldiers stationed at a candy point. It’s only once the night’s getting later that the people start to die down in numbers that you’re able to tag off with Markowski and have a break. Wandering through the grounds you spot people lining up for the costume contest, the cookie decorating station, and the apple-bobbing table.

You decide to go there since you know Kyle happened to get stationed there. Even if he’d been preparing for a few days in advance, you wouldn’t put it past him to keep trying when the line died down. To your surprise, the Captain is there too. “What’re you doing here?” You question, smiling up at the old man. Sure, he didn’t necessarily enjoy these events, but you wondered why he was here instead of watching the game on the telly at home. It’s only so often you all get time off, anyhow.

“I thought I’d pop by after I was done to see what my team’s been up to,” John answers, smiling behind the cup of—no doubt *spiked*—cider in his hands. Part of you wants to chastise him for working on a holiday, while the other part is simply glad to see him. Choosing the latter, a smile graces your features. It’s momentary to, however, as his words dawn on you.

“Wait, Riley’s here?” You ask. It was rare that the Lieutenant would show up to an event, at least that’s what they’d told you. Once you’d joined the team he seemed to make more of an effort, according to the guys. And it was sort of true from what you’d seen. Any time an event would come up, especially a formal one, you’d all have to beg Ghost to join you all. With the promise of free food, drinks, and an early getaway was the only way you’d be able to get him to go.

“You didn’t hear?” Kyle asks excitedly, with a shake of his head. He’d clearly just been dunking his head in the pails considering water flicks off his hair in droplets, hitting your forearm. His eyelashes are wet, and there are still a few beads of water dripping down the side of his face. “He took our advice and volunteered for once!”

“Apparently he’s quite the hit,” John muses, subtly shaking his head at the Sergeant’s silliness. “Did you even manage to get one?” He eyes the pails tacitly.

“Actually, yeah. Won the contest, just like I said I would,” Kyle confesses, holding up the little plastic trophy he’d gotten.

“Guess those kids need to practice more,” you joke, eliciting a laugh from the men. As the quiet settles between the three of you, the sun finally dipping under the horizon leaving you all in the relative dark, your thoughts wander back. “I thought we were meeting at your house to catch the end of the game though?” Even if it isn’t your favorite thing to watch, you enjoy the guys’ company.

“We are, the boys said they’d meet us back here once they cleaned up,” John informs you. With the sun having set, the festivities were definitely coming to an end. It shouldn’t be too much longer.

“I’ve already got it all cleaned up here! Just need to put these back in the garage, if you two wanna go ahead and find them?” Kyle encourages. Considering your station really only had a candy bowl, you’re more than sure Markowski can handle it. Kyle’s partner joins you all, and with the quick emptying of the three pails and a collection of the apples into one, it’d only take the breaking down of a foldable table for them to clean up.

A quick glance at the Captain tells you he’s waiting on you, his brow quirked in that questioning way. He has his answer when you peel off, heading toward where you know, at least, Johnny is. The fog machine is still clearly on as you have to wave your hand in front of your face, the weird somewhat chemical smelling fumes emanating from it turning your stomach. The small plastic fencing is still in place, and while there are maybe one or two fake headstones still sitting around, it doesn’t take long to find Johnny.

“Nice costume,” you compliment, unable to help the teasing smirk from settling on your lips. Eyeing him up and down, he really did put a lot of effort into his costume! He’d clearly cut off the bottom of a pair of jeans, the frayed edges giving it away. Besides the homemade shorts which he’d stuck a tail out the back, he’d left his plaid flannel halfway undone exposing his unruly chest hair, adorned a headband of ears, and a snout tied around his face with a string.

“Why, thank you, Lass,” he responds, sitting the decorations he’d picked up on his hips. “Weren’t we supposed to meet you at Kyle’s though?”

“Yeah, but we got done early, so the Cap’ and I came to get you,” you relay him in on the information. “How was it? Scare a lot of kids this year?”

Johnny chuckles before his eyes light up at the mention of the evening. “Yeah! We actually-”

“Ready?” The Captain’s voice cuts off Johnny’s story as he’d finally caught up. You’d supposed he’d been admiring the details in the decorations.

With a split-second glance over your shoulder you respond. “Yeah! Just gotta find the LT first and then we’re good to go.” Refocused on Johnny and wanting to hear the stories from tonight, his eyes aren’t on you, but over your shoulder on the Captain.

“Found him,” Johnny announces nonchalantly.

“Where?” You ask rhetorically, turning. It’s then that the closeness of a body looming over you sends you reeling back, stumbling, almost falling on your butt. While Johnny tried to catch you, and an embarrassing yelp had left your mouth, you can’t help but purse your lips out of embarrassment as the three men before you cackle.

“Behind you,” the Captain finally answers, coughing in between big breaths of laughter.

Johnny had dropped the cheap decorations, bent over with his hands on his knees as he wheezes in laughter.

However, it’s the loud boisterous laughs coming from the hunched over Grim Reaper before you that does it. The Lieutenant really had taken your advice and dressed up. He’s got a hooded cape on, a plastic scythe, and dawned his usual mask. It’s amusing, really, the way you’d never seen him laugh this hard before, and you can’t help but join in.

“Sorry, I just had to,” the Lieutenant finally apologizes, to which you accept immediately.

“It’s okay, Riley. I’ll just have to get you back,” you taunt. There’s a pat on your back, and you look over your shoulder.

“Good luck with that,” Johnny says down to you before taking the lead on continuing to pick up the last of the decorations.

It’s only as you’ve just helped them get their decorations ready to haul back to the garage when Kyle shows up. Despite it still being a bit foggy, it was easy enough to spot the lot of you. “Did I miss something?” He asks, turning to watch the Captain carry some of the headstones past him.

“Nope,” the Grim Reaper says just behind Kyle’s ear. This elicits the same response it did from you, and you can’t help the laughter that tumbles free.

“He did it to me too, don’t worry,” you finally manage to get out. It’d almost caused you to drop the fog machine you’re carrying in one hand. “Johnny! You’ll never guess what just happened!” You shout after the men a few feet ahead of you, trailing after them. The sooner you’re all done, the sooner you can head to the Captain’s and the usual festivities will ensue. All in all, though, it was a pretty good Halloween, you’d say. It’s not everyday Ghost dresses up, let alone scares half the team.

~~~~~~~~~~

forever taglist: @safarigirlsp , @jynzandtonic , @moonlightsolo , @ohdamnadam , @penelopepine

[callme2heaven]

Unannounced

A/N: This is my first one shot with Stone and I just started typing. I hope it turned out okay!

Genre: Angst/Fluff

Word Count: 1,479

Warnings: Andrew Wood's death is mentioned

Two raindrops raced each other down the window. The rain reminds me that I’m almost home, somewhere I haven’t been in years, Seattle. 

The chatter in the Greyhound broke my concentration. I looked around curiously. Loads of people, either returning to the rainy city, or venturing into the unknown. 

I happen to be doing both. 

The bus pulled into the station and my tummy twisted in knots. I began having second thoughts. I was showing up unannounced after years of little to no contact. 

I grabbed my luggage from the storage under the bus and meandered off to find a taxi. 

I rattled off the address to my best friend's house and hoped for the best. 

The scenery around was exactly as I remembered and yet so different. Maybe it was just me, I’d grown used to the desert in Eastern Washington. 

The cabbie pulled over and I realized there was no turning back. I mean I still could, but I’d feel real shitty about it. I paid the man and got out with my stuff. 

I made the daunting walk up to the door, my heart raced and I knocked three times. I wanted to turn away and run. 

It wasn’t fair of me. My grandma was sick and so I moved across the state to take care of her. A coincidence that everything at the time was falling apart so I was looking for an escape was just happenstance. 

The door cracked open and it was like all the air was sucked out of my lungs. 

Stone Gossard, his hair was longer now. His hazel eyes widened. We stared at one another. I was shocked when he reached out and brought me into a tight hug. I hugged him back and breathed him in. 

Stone held me at arms length and studied me. 

“What are you doing in Seattle? Why didn’t you tell me you were coming?” He asked. I shrugged. 

“It just felt like time to come home.” I answered. Stone smiled softly at me. “I didn’t think you’d want to hear from me unless I just showed up. Flawed I know.” I rambled and Stone’s smile faltered. 

“Look, I know things weren’t great and we didn’t really communicate well while you were in Pasco, but I’ll always want you around. You’re my best friend, even when we’re mad at each other. Okay?” Stone said sternly. I studied his face and nodded. “Have you got a place to stay?” 

“No, I just got to town. I really didn’t have a game plan.” I responded. Stone chuckled. 

“Glad to know you’re still the impulsive girl I always knew.” He grinned. 

“Impulsive?” I asked, eyes widening. Stone gave me a look and I looked away. “Okay, yeah, I’m impulsive.” I admitted. 

“You can stay with me.” Stone said. 

“Are you sure?” I asked, looking back to him. 

“You’re always welcome in my home.” He said, and stepped back, opening the door wider for me to enter. It smelled woodsy, as I remembered, comforting. 

“I’ll take that.” He said and took my luggage disappearing further into the house. I took off my shoes and hung up my jacket. 

I moseyed into the living room. I studied the photos, there were some with the Mother Love Bone line up. I smiled seeing Andy. There were some with other groups, and what I assumed is the Pearl Jam lineup. I didn’t meet the shy front man before I left, but he’s got an incredible voice. Then I saw some sprinkled with me in there, in almost all of them Stone and I are next to each other. My favorite is just the two of us, I can’t remember what he said anymore but the photo caught me mid cackle as he smirked triumphantly at me. 

“Are you hungry?” Stone asked entering the room. I turned to him and my tummy gurgled at that exact moment. “I’ll take that as a yes.” He replied and turned to go to the kitchen, I followed him. 

I pulled out two plates while he pulled stuff to make sandwiches out of the fridge. We made our sandwiches in a comfortable silence before sitting at the table. 

“Thanks for taking me in and feeding me.” I said, truly thankful he didn’t send me away. 

“I think you think that I’m upset with you, but I’m not.” Stone said and bit into his sandwich. My eyebrows furrowed. 

“What?” 

“Eat.” Stone said not elaborating. 

I took a bite of my sandwich, and munched on some chips. 

“How was Pasco?” He asked, changing the subject. 

“Way different. It was good to be with Nan and help her out.” I responded. 

“How is she?” Stone asked, then took a sip of his drink. 

“She passed away 5 months ago.” I answered, and took a sip of my own drink. 

“I’m sorry, I know she was important to you. She lasted a lot longer than the doctors said she would.” He replied. 

“Yeah, you knew Nan, she was a fighter up until the end.” I said, “I’ve heard your new band on the radio by the way. I really like it, your new singer has an incredible set of pipes.” 

“Yeah, he’s a cool guy.” Stone said. 

We chatted comfortably as we ate, the more we talked the easier it was. Like no time had passed. 

Stone and I washed up the plates and utensils. 

“Do you mind if I take a shower?” I asked. 

“No, make yourself at home. I have band practice but I’ll be back later tonight.” Stone replied. 

“Okay, have fun.” I waved him off. 

The water cascaded down my body and my mind kept replaying what Stone said earlier. That I think he’s upset with me but he’s not. I mean he isn’t wrong, I was fully expecting him to take one look at me and tell me to leave. That’s not his true character though. Ever since I’ve known Stone, he has always been so kind and dependable. 

After letting my brain spiral I got out and dried off putting on a comfortable oversized shirt and a pair of shorts. The exhaustion of the traveling and emotional turmoil caught up with me and I found myself crawling into Stone’s bed not even thinking about it. 

I felt the bed sink down and the covers move around. My eyes fluttered open and I watched as Stone settled in facing me. Our eyes met. 

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you.” He whispered. We were close enough I could feel his breath when he spoke. 

“It’s okay, sorry I fell asleep on your bed, I can go to the couch.” I said and started to get up. Stone reached out and stopped me. 

“We’ve shared a bed before, no need to leave.” Stone said. I settled back down and we stared at one another. 

“What did you mean earlier?” I asked softly. 

“I’m not upset with you is all.” He stated. 

“Why? I would be.” I replied. Stone rolled his eyes. 

“I was hurt at first. You left, and you didn’t say anything. The two times we talked on the phone it was short and dry. At the end of the day, I just wanted my best friend around, ya know? Andy died, and the person I wanted to find comfort in was you. We started a new band and the first person I wanted to tell about it was you. You’ve always been the most important person to me and more than anything, I just fucking missed you.” Stone said. Tears filled my eyes. 

“I missed you too.” I said as my voice cracked. 

“Don’t ever leave like that again, okay?” Stone whispered as he brushed my hair from my face. 

“Promise.” I said holding out my pinky. Stone smiled softly and wrapped his pinky around mine. 

“I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you when you needed me.” I said. 

“You’re here now.” He replied. “Jeff and the others are excited to see you by the way. Are you up to seeing them tomorrow?” Stone asked. 

“Yeah, I am. I’m excited to see them too.” I smiled. 

“Good, I had to stop Jeff from coming over tonight. But he can only be stalled for so long.” He said and I laughed. 

“So is anybody mad?” I asked, knowing it wasn’t just Stone I left behind in Seattle. 

“No, I mean not really. Jeff might squeeze you to death and then sternly tell you that leaving like that was really shitty.” He replied. 

“Totally fair.” I laughed. 

The conversation lulled and I felt myself drifting off again, when Stone spoke up. 

“I’m glad you came back.” 

“Me too.” I responded sleepily. 

I felt Stone’s lips brush up against my forehead before I fell asleep. 

Stone was right, I’m here now. And I’m never leaving his side again. 

Thanks for reading! Feel free to chat :)

[fanficimagery]

a field of daisies

Imagine running into a group of survivors that you decide to take a chance on and bring them home with you. Your decision ends up leading to a reunion no one saw coming, not even yourself.

Words: 7.1K Author's Note: TWD AU. This particular universe has a lot of characters and making sure everyone has a line or three is tough work, so I made up my mind to only keep a select few. This will take place after the prison has fallen, but before Terminus so the group is not as harsh because of what happened there. I get why everyone turned ruthless, but damn.. Rick got scary. Haha. Also, just so you know, Y/N is a powered individual (the gif of Wanda is just to show how your powers look/work). SPOILER ALERT! This piece of work is.. slow. There's nothing much to it- it's honestly just Y/N bringing the group into the fold. I've been having a rough few weeks and it really shows in my writing. I'm sorry this sucks, but I really needed to get something out.

It was pure dumb luck that Rick, Daryl, Michonne, Carl, Judith, Glenn, Maggie and Carol ended up together after the fall of the prison. Rick and Carl had fled together, Michonne followed the blood trail Rick had unknowingly left behind, and Daryl had later caught up to them because he was with a new group that was hunting Rick which he didn't know about until it was too late. Daryl, Rick and Michonne took care of things quickly, and it was a relief to Rick that Daryl still had his back.

Glenn and Maggie came a couple days later with Judith snuggled into a makeshift pack hanging off of Glenn's back, and the group stumbled upon Carol who kept them from entering the so-called sanctuary called Terminus. Apparently she had been keeping an eye on the place from afar, and after the horrors she witnessed Rick and the others were glad they just so happened to choose the entrance she was near so that she was able to stop them.

Hershel's death still weighed heavily on everyone's mind and Maggie was sad that she didn't know what had become of her sister Beth. Lots of people's fates were unknown, but the ones that left everyone the most downtrodden were those of the children that the prison had housed.

The group has taken momentary refuge in a barn, their spirits low and dwindling even more as the days pass. Food and water were scarce, and ammunition was pretty much nonexistent. Daryl had a handful of arrows left and everyone was left to depend on blades to protect themselves.

Judith's sudden cry pierces the quiet of the barn and everyone flinches. Rick readily gets to his feet, rushing towards his daughter and lifting her from the bed of hay they designated as her bed. "Shh. I got 'ya. I got 'ya, sweetheart."

Carl joins his father, frowning at his sister's reddening face. "She's hungry, isn't she?"

"We all are," Rick grumbles.

"There's got to be something out there," the young boy sighs. "A place we haven't come across or a house that's not been picked clean."

"Everyone's tired, Carl. We're all running on fumes." Rick continues to rock his baby girl, heart breaking when her wails only get louder and more desperate. "If we go searchin', we're likely to make a mistake and someone will lose their life."

"Well we can't let her starve."

Rick glances around his exhausted group, a look of determination in each of their features. He sighs and glances down at Judith in his arms. "Tomorrow. We'll go lookin' when the sun is up."

Carl nods and brushes his finger along Judith's brow before leaving his father to settle the baby down on his own.

          - - - - - - - - - - 

You'd been gone for a day and half now, intent on finding some things those in your community have asked for. Unfortunately everything close by had been picked clean which led you to driving further and further out, and right into an oncoming storm.

You tried to drive right on through it, but the rain just came down so hard to the point that you could not see through the windshield. And since it was nighttime, you knew there was a high chance you could wreck. So you pull off to the side, cut the engine and lean back in your seat to wait it out.

Thunder rumbles so loud it actually shakes the truck you're in and lightning strikes a tree not even a hundred yards away. "Oh screw this," you mumble to yourself. You turn the truck back on, carefully inching your way down the road and hope that you don't hit anything. But then lightning strikes again, you swerve on instinct, but are quick to slam on the breaks. "Shit."

There's a split second of reprieve from the rain- just long enough for you to see a building off in the distance. You know it's a dumb idea to even check it out, but you rather be in a barn struck by lightning than be in the truck. So after cutting the engine once more, you reach over to the passenger seat for your pack and beanie. Shoving the gray beanie down atop your head, you brace yourself before opening the door and hopping out.

Slamming the door behind you, you rush through the rain and towards the barn doors. Pushing on said doors, they open far too easily and you rush to close them behind you. Then with your back against the doors, you hold your hands aloft at your sides should you need to protect yourself from a dead skull or three. But surprisingly there are no dead in the barn, instead a group of the living around a small fire stare at you with wide eyes.

Immediately the people are on their feet with their weapons trained on you, a baby is passed off to a preteen, and the group of adults slowly advance on you.

"Whoa," you utter. "I did not know this place was occupied. I don't mean any harm. M'just tryin' to get out of the storm."

"Are you alone?" The man that had passed off the baby asks, a long barreled gun pointed at you.

His companions spread out- a guy with a crossbow hurrying to the wall to peek through the cracks. There's a Korean guy and a woman with hair just barely touching her shoulders standing side by side, blades in hand, and a black woman with a wicked looking katana held at the ready. The last woman with shortly cropped gray hair points a glock right at you without even blinking.

"Um, yeah."

"You don't sound so sure," he grunts.

"Well you're all pointing weapons at me," you say. "It's a little intimidating."

Crossbow guy returns to his friend's side, shaking his head and muttering something too low for your ears to catch. The main guy talking nods meeting your gaze once more. "Weapons?"

"None."

"Mind if we check?"

You shrug. "Have at it."

Spreading your arms out wider, you push off the barn doors and stand with your feet a little spread out as well. The woman standing next to the Korean guy steps forward and cautiously makes her way towards you. You meet her gaze, keeping your expression neutral, but give her a nod to let her know you were good with what was going on. Her hands land on your waist then, patting you down and checking for weapons.

Her hands slide up your sides and under your arms, and you press your lips tighter together when she hits your ticklish spot. A giggle ends up breaking free and you immediately apologize when she freezes. You think you see her faintly grin before she continues on down your legs and around your ankles.

"She's clean," the woman says as she stands back up and then steps back.

"What's in the bag?"

"My snacks," you muse. "I was looking for a few things and had to travel out further than normal. I've been driving for nearly two days now."

"You got a group?"

"I have a community." They seem to blink in surprise at that.

Crossbow guy looks at who you assume is their leader. "Explains the too clean clothes," he grunts. Then looking at you, he says, "But 'ya damn stupid to be out here with no weapons. It's a goddamn miracle 'ya survived this long."

"Mister, I am the weapon." That seems to make the tense all over again, frowning, and you sigh. "Look, I'm not normal. I don't need weapons because I am literally the ultimate weapon. Now if that makes you uncomfortable, I'll stay my butt over here and just wait out the storm. Then I'll be on my way and we never have to see each other again unless we run into each other in the future. That sound good?"

No one voices a complaint against you so you walk over to one of the wooden beams supporting the barn and take a seat on the ground. You get comfortable, stripping your pack off your back and setting it next to you. The group has no idea what to make of you so they continue to stare at you until the baby in the preteen's arms starts to fuss.

Minutes pass as the baby continues to wail, her cries only getting louder. The thunder doesn't seem as loud as before, so you know if there are any dead nearby they'll be drawn towards the barn because of the baby's cries.

"When was the last time she ate?" You ask when you see them shush and rock her in order to calm her. A few of them glance at you and it's then you actually take in their appearances. They're exhausted. They're hungry. They're desperate. "Actually when was the last time any of you ate?"

Crossbow guy grumbles, but it's the preteen boy who answers. "Days. A week or so maybe."

Frowning, you pull your pack into your lap and open it up. Rummaging around the inside, your hand wraps around a small mason jar with a spoon rubber banded around it and you grin triumphantly. "I, uh, I have this if you want it," you say as you hold the jar up. "Mrs. Stevens makes a mean cinnamon applesauce." Your grin slowly falls as you take in their stares. "Or not. I won't be offended."

"No." The gray haired woman steps forward. "We'll take it, but you need to eat a spoonful yourself first."

"Uh, yeah. Sure, but I don't know why.." Your brow furrows as you free the spoon from the rubber band and untwist the top, and then it hits you on why they want you to eat it first. You gasp as you stare up at them. "First off, rude! Do I really look like I'm capable of poisoning a baby?"

No one says a word at first and then, "Well you did say 'ya were different."

You roll your eyes at the crossbow wielding guy. "Not that kind of different." Sticking the spoon into the applesauce, you pull up a spoonful and shove it into your mouth. Swallowing, you place the spoon back in the jar and hold it up. "Happy? It's just cinnamon applesauce."

The leader rushes forward and grabs the applesauce from you, sniffing it as he walks back towards his group and taking a spoonful for himself. When he deems it okay, he then feeds it to the baby girl. Almost immediately, her cries turn to whimpers before ceasing all together.

"You guys are welcome to whatever's in my pack because, no offense, but you look like you need it more than I do."

The Korean guy is the first to crack, rushing towards your pack that you let him freely rummage through. "Is this- is this jerky?"

"Yep. Mr. Mills has a knack for drying out meat and smoking fish."

As he passes out the jerky, water, and a few MRE's, he then looks at you with an astonished expression. "I'm Glenn, by the way. And this is Maggie." The woman who had patted you down gives you a terse smile.

"Michonne," the katana wielding badass says.

"Carol."

The man feeding the baby glances at you. "I'm Rick. These are my kids Carl and Judith."

You look towards the crossbow guy, but he's shoveling an MRE into his mouth and not paying you a lick of attention. "Y/N," you then introduce yourself to them.

You watch them eat for a few seconds before you avert your attention, listening to the sounds outside the barn. The storm seems like it's finally dying down, but the moans and groans of the dead seem to be getting closer and closer now. You get up and walk towards the door, peeking through the cracks and quietly exhaling at the small herd heading straight for the barn.

"You guys have something to prop against the door? We've got incoming."

A scoff comes from crossbow guy. "Thought 'ya were the ultimate weapon?"

"Daryl!" Carol admonishes.

Your eyes narrow at Daryl who shrugs under the stares of his group and you sigh. "Fine. Whatever. All I ask is that whatever you see, you ask questions before you decide to attack."

"Why- why would you say that?" Glenn asks.

"Because like I said, I'm not normal."

With that you turn around, opening the barn doors and stepping back. Staring at the small herd that's coming in, your left arm lifts up and curls around the front of your face as your right arm lifts up underneath. The only difference is that your left hand starts to glow and you swing back briefly before thrusting your left arm out and sending off a red wave of energy that rushes through the heads of the dead ones and instantly drops them in their tracks. You walk forward then and shut the doors, only to turn around and have Daryl aiming his crossbow at you.

"Seriously?" Your arms hang limp at your sides.

"What the hell are 'ya?"

"Human, as far as I know," you say. You mentally sigh as everyone shifts nervously. "Just with a little extra oomph."

"That was some sci-fi bullshit 'ya just pulled there."

"Well whatever it is, it's come in handy since the world fell apart so I'm not complaining about it anymore."

Rick, having passed Judith off to Carl, steps forward. "This community of yours, are there any more people like you?"

You shake your head. "Nah. I'm the only one."

"How many people are you with?" Carol asks.

"Around twenty or so. Me and this little girl I came across a while back are the youngest. Everyone else is sixty-five or above." You huff. "Kid guilt tripped me into saving a few individuals from a retirement home we came across and gave me the idea of a place safe enough to almost be normal."

"Exactly how safe is this place of yours?" Maggie then wonders as she glances at Judith and Carl.

"There's a, uh, shield of sorts around this abandoned housing community. The dead bounce off the invisible walls and the living need permission to enter which I'm smart enough not to give."

"People try gettin' in before?" Daryl asks.

"A group of three about a couple months back. I would have given thought to letting them in, but my powers kind of misfired and I was able to read their minds," you sheepishly admit. "They- they were not good people. Not by a long shot."

"What happened to 'em?"

"I put them to sleep and had a talk with everyone inside the community." You shrug. "I didn't know what to do, so I asked for everyone's advice. It was either kill them or manipulate their memories and send them on their way."

"What did you do?" Carl asks. He's the only one who has a look of awe on his face.

"I kept them asleep and drove them out in a random direction. After about two days driving, I put them up in an abandoned house and let them wake up long after I had left."

"Why are you answering all our questions?" Michonne asks. "Someone like you, it seems like you'd keep your powers a secret."

"Honestly? You're the first kind group I've seen in a long while. You saw what I could do and yet you asked questions first rather than letting Daryl put an arrow in me."

"Would my arrow have even reached 'ya?"

You smile at Daryl's grumpy expression. "Not even close." There's a challenge in his eyes and his arm twitches, but Rick shakes his head at his friend. You quietly chuckle. "If you guys wanna sit and talk, I'll answer what I can. I don't mind so long as you don't plan on attempting to put a bullet in my brain or a blade to my neck."

Everyone looks to Rick and eventually he gives a terse nod. They hesitantly go back to their fire, huddling closer together and you slowly make you way over to sit across from them. The baby seems rather content now so Rick finally takes a moment to eat something himself.

Bending your knees, you pull them in towards your chest and drop your chin on your knee. "So what do you wanna know?"

Glenn immediately leans forward. "First of all, this is something straight out of a comic book." He grins and you can't help but smile in return. Maggie snorts and shakes her head, rather fondly, at him. "So what I wanna know is if you were born like this or if you had a bad visit with the doctors?"

"I was born like this," you say. "I think it started manifesting when I was about eleven or twelve. Mom and dad were obviously terrified, but I was still their daughter and they refused to just let the government have me. It took- it took months of research before they found a legit scientist who was running tests on people like me in order to help. So they met up with him and let him poke and prod to get the answers everyone was seeking."

"Did they find anything out?" Carol asks.

You shake your head. "No. There were no abnormalities in my or my parent's blood, and every other test was coming back completely average. My powers or magic or whatever you wanna call it honestly scared me, so the scientist had concocted some pills that suppressed it. I never got to learn how to control it and only really got to see what I was capable of when the world collapsed and I ran out of suppressors."

"So what, you're just this powerhouse walking around without a care in the world?" Michonne frowns.

"I have many cares," you say, head lifting to stare directly at the woman over the fire. "I have a little girl and a handful of old geezers counting on me back home. I'm just fortunate enough to be this powerhouse, as you say, so the others don't have to come out into this shit show that has become our norm."

Judith starts to fuss again and neither her brother or father can calm her. You can see just how exhausted everyone is, so you take the initiative to help them out when you see Rick cringe after smelling the baby's bottom. Grabbing your pack, you grab the notebook in there and yank out a sheet of paper. Then letting the paper rest in the palms of your hands, you concentrate on the red wisps of energy pooling in your hands and transfigure the sheet of paper into a diaper. More sheets of paper are ripped out and you quickly transfigure those into small rags.

"There's a bucket in the back of my truck," you say as you hold out the diaper and rags. "I'm sure it's full of water by now so you can dip the rags into the water to wipe the baby down."

Rick blinks at you in surprise, walking over to you and grabbing the items. He nods. "Thank you." You flash him a faint smile in return.

He looks at Daryl and he hands over his crossbow to Carol. Taking the rags from Rick, he motions for Glenn to follow him should he run into any trouble outside.

The two men return soon enough and Rick readily starts to make his daughter comfortable once more. As she struggles against him and wildly kicks out, you chuckle and decide to let a small orb of red energy pool in your palm. Then flicking your wrist, the small red orb shoots over to hover above Judith and bob up and down. It does it's job, distracting her so her father can easily change her.

"That must come in handy back at your community," Maggie muses.

"I don't really show off like this in front of them," you sheepishly admit. "Everyone knows what I'm capable of, but they don't really ask me to do anything other than to help keep them safe and keep their houses from deteriorating." There are hums and grunts, but everyone is more interested in filling their stomachs. "Well if I'm going to be on my way come sun up, I should get some rest."

No one objects, so you get up and walk back over to the opposite side of the barn. You sit down in a corner, trying to find a comfortable enough position so you can get a bit of shut eye.

When you wake up, the sun has not fully risen yet. It's a little lighter in the barn and you can see without the small fire throwing off light, so it's easy to spot Rick keeping watch by the barn doors. You sit up, stretch, and sleepily climb to feet in order to join him.

"You guys rotated watch?" You mumble. "You should have woken me."

Rick grins. "Nah. We had it under control."

"If you say so."

His grin subtly falters and then he quietly clears his throat before glancing between you and his group. "So before you go on your way, can I have a word?"

"Sure." You yawn. "Lets just go outside so we don't wake anyone." At Rick's nod, you open the barn doors and exit as quietly as you can. He follows you outside and you glance around for any dead before crossing your arms over your chest and turning to face Rick. "What's going on?"

He stares at you, clearly trying to figure out how to voice his thoughts. It takes him a moment to gather himself and then finally he says, "I know we just met each other last night, but is there any chance- any chance you might be willin' to give us a chance? I'm supposed to be this group's leader, but I am runnin' on fumes here. We all are. We're desperate." Your heart goes out to him and you can't help but frown. You understand desperation very well and you figure it must be worse on him because of the two young children he has. "This world, as vulnerable as it is, it's not a place I want to raise my kids."

"Rick, I-" You pause, sigh and then start over. "Of course I'd be willing to give you guys a chance."

"But?" He pushes, seeing the flash of hesitance in your expression.

"No, no buts." You shake your head. "You just- if you guys want to be a part of this community, you have to actually want to be a part of the community. No drama or violence is permitted within the walls. My sole focus is making sure these people live as long as possible and I won't have anyone jeopardizing that."

Rick nods. "We're all for playing fair. All we're askin' for is a chance. A real chance at survivin'."

"Well then I guess today's your lucky day." You hold out a hand for him to shake. He holds your gaze before glancing down at your hand and hesitantly reaching forward to grasp it. "So do you want to tell them the good news or..?"

Rick huffs a laugh of disbelief as he retakes his hand. "Are- are 'ya serious?"

"Yeah. Why not." You shrug. "The community could use a good shake up, so come on. Lets go wake your people up."

You and Rick re-enter the barn, but you let him wake his family and friends on his own. You gather your pack, tossing the trash and rearranging what's left. Rick tells them the good news and you smile when you see them sag in relief. They have no belongings whatsoever, so they pick up what weapons they have and make to exit the barn.

"Um, Carl and one other person can sit up front with me. Three others can squeeze into the backseat with Judith and two can ride in the very back." There are nods of agreement all around before Daryl and Glenn climb into the bed of the truck. Meeting Daryl's gaze, you say, "You and Glenn keep watch. If you see anyone, pound on the roof. I don't want anyone following us."

He gives you a terse nod. "Got it."

"Or if you and Glenn want to switch out with someone from the inside, pound on the roof. I'm gonna drive as long as I can, but if anyone wants to stop during the night we will."

Everyone seems to agree, letting you decide whether or not you drive through the night. You'll make that decision when the time comes, so as everyone else climbs into the cab of the truck you open the driver's side door and get behind the wheel. You bite back a smirk as you grip the steering wheel in hand, red wisps of energy wrapping around the wheel before disappearing into the guts under the hood.

"So that's why we didn't hear the rumble of an engine," Rick muses. "It's runnin' on magic."

"Beats having to find and siphon gas," you say. Everyone chuckles and after making sure Daryl and Glenn are steady, you drive off.

Not even five seconds in and you hear, "What the hell kind of truck is this?"

Daryl's gruff question makes everyone inside the cab laugh, but no one bothers to fill him in.

          - - - - - - - - - - 

You drive well into the afternoon, only stopping when Glenn and Daryl grow too hot under the sun and switch out with Rick and Michonne. The bit of food you had left in your pack was divided up among the others again and then when the sun set you had stopped to instruct those in the bed of the truck that they could sit or lay down since they wouldn't be able to see anything come nightfall anyway.

Your constant yawning had Maggie concerned, but you assured her you'd done a drive like this numerous times. All you asked was that they talk to you, so to keep things light they told you all about their accomplishments since the world had ended. Carl mentioned being reunited with his dad after being told he was dead, Maggie mentioned finding love with Glenn on her father's farm, and Daryl mentioned finding a prison that they stayed in after clearing it out as much as they could.

You didn't bother asking what had happened to the farm or the prison because you knew full well what happened to places left out in the open. Sooner or later they got taken over, whether it be by the dead or living. So when they ran out of happy tales, you filled them in on your own. You told them all about coming across the retirement home- about how you and Daisy (the young girl you had saved) were allowed to stay with them for a bit while you went out everyday to find a more suitable living situation. You had still been experimenting with your powers, so it was a miracle you managed to fix up an entire housing community and erect walls around it.

Only about half of those in the retirement home chose to go with you and Daisy, and that was even after finding out what you were capable of. The others were grateful for the invite, but they had families they wanted to look for or were too old and didn't want to be a burden on anyone. No amount of pleading from Daisy could sway their decisions.

A new day dawns and the environment around you starts to become familiar. You perk up in your seat and drive just a little faster because after being out for so long all you want is your bed and a shower.

Only you can see the entrance to the community and you know the others can only see what everyone else without permission to enter sees- a run down housing community that was way passed being livable. So stopping right before the barrier, you gesture for everyone to get off with you after letting the truck cut off.

"What's going on?" Rick asks as he hops out of the bed. Michonne follows him.

Facing the group, you grin. "The community is just behind me," you say while gesturing over your shoulder. You see them glance behind you, frowns marring their faces. "You're just seeing what I want everyone who passes by to see- a place not worth investigating. So with your consent," you hold a hand out just at shoulder height, letting a red glow envelop it, "I just need to push a little energy through you so you can see what I see."

Everyone is caught off guard and wary now, but surprisingly it's Carl who says something. "Will it hurt?"

You glance down at him and smile. "Not at all. I promise. Everyone inside has admitted to it feeling like a cold chill running through them and then nothing. Absolutely no pain."

As you guessed, everyone looks to Rick. He takes a moment to think about it before saying, "Do it. But if there's any pain at all-"

"There's not."

"Good." He nods. "So what do we do?"

"Just stand there. I'm the one who has to do all the work." Letting your arms hang down by your sides, you shake yourself out before concentrating on letting your power pool into your hands once more. Then when it feels like you have enough energy to pass through all eight individuals, you face your palms towards them and push out. The energy leaves you and passes through them, and only a couple of them stumble back a step or gasp in surprise. When they finally take notice of what's actually behind you and their jaws drop, you chuckle. "Welcome to your new home."

"How- it looks untouched." Carol mumbles in awe.

"Well it wasn't," you say. "It took me a few days to fix up several blocks of houses. Then about a week to get the solar panels set in with the help of our retired electrician. We were just lucky a water tower was placed close by and the new water lines were set in before the world ended. It's easy to keep the tower operational and our houses supplied with running water."

"This is insane," Glenn mutters in awe. Maggie nods along with his assessment.

"When you reach the barrier, you're going to feel a little resistance. That's normal." you then explain to them. "All you have to do is keep walking through and you'll come out on the other side."

"And if we wanna leave?" Daryl asks. Everyone looks at him as if he's crazy for already thinking about leaving, but he merely huffs and explains further. "To hunt or make runs, not find shelter elsewhere."

You shrug. "Then you leave. You'll feel the resistance again, but that's just so you remember where the barrier is. Now that you've been given permission, you can come and go as you please. But please remember, once you're behind the barrier, anyone who hasn't been given permission to enter will just see you vanish into thin air. So make sure you're never followed or if you are make a beeline for the barrier and come get me. I'll get them outta here." Everyone seems to be in agreement and you smile. "Well come on. Let's go find you a house or two."

Turning around, you readily walk towards the neighborhood. The resistance of entering doesn't faze you as it once did, so you hurriedly turn around to see everyone's reactions. You see when they hesitate and you laugh as they continue on through and seem to all breathe a sigh of relief. Then once they have their wits about them, you gesture for them to follow you.

A few people are sitting out on their porches, some surprised and others (looking at you Gladys) are ecstatic.

A wolf whistle pierces the air and everyone glances in the direction it came from. "'Bout time you brought in some good lookin' fellas! I was getting tired of looking at Tom's ugly mug."

Michonne and Carol snort as Maggie and Carl giggle, and you shake your head at the white haired, seventy-eight year old woman. "Gladys, stop teasin' the men. They literally just got here!" You holler back.

"Any of them single?"

"Oh my god. Go take a cold shower, you cougar!" Gladys cackles and you groan quietly before looking over your shoulder. "Sorry about that. I should have warned you about Gladys and her tendency to hit on any man that isn't her neighbor."

"S'alright." Rick chuckles. "It'll be nice to have some normalcy back in our lives."

"What's with the bars on the doors?" Michonne then wonders.

You look at one house in particular, it's front door having another door of bars attached in front of it as well. "The houses with bars on their doors were requested by those living in the house. These people are at the age where they can easily pass away in their sleep without warning, and after an incident back at their retirement home they requested bars on the doors as a precaution. They lock in a couple of places from the inside."

They seem to agree that that was a good idea as you nod at everyone else coming out to see what Gladys was yelling about. When you spot Mary Alice, a sixty-seven year old ex-nurse, you start to walk towards her house. "Hey Mary Alice, have you seen Daisy around? I want to introduce her to some new people."

Mary Alice stands up and walks over to the top stair of her porch. "Oh. Hello." She beams. "It's nice to see some capable, new faces around here."

"Ma'am," Rick drawls.

You can practically see Mary Alice swoon and you mumble, "You're going to give every goddamn old lady heart palpitations in here," under your breath. Rick chuckles and you clap your hands to garner Mary Alice's attention once more. "Mary! Where's Daisy?"

"Oh, um." She pauses as she fluffs her hair. "Last I saw her, Dave had asked her to help him pick some fruit from the garden."

"Okay. Thanks." Turning around to face the group, you smile sheepishly. "Maybe I'll just show you to your house first. Daisy might be busy for a bit longer." You're about to motion for them to follow you when you see Daisy appear from between two houses, munching on an apple and looking as carefree as a child her age should be. She meets your gaze from across the street, but before you can draw any attention to her you notice her steps falter as the most heartbreaking expression takes over her features when she sees who's with you. For a second you think this group might not be as innocent as they seemed, but then-

"Momma?"

Time seems to slow as Carol, of all people, freezes and then turns around. She stumbles back, hand going to her mouth in shock as she chokes on a sob. "S-Sophia?"

Your eyes widen at what's unfolding before you- Daisy (apparently Sophia) dropping her apple core before sprinting across the street. Carol meets her halfway, the two colliding with one another as their cries pierce the air. The rest of Carol's group looks on in awe before they join in on the reunion and you laugh as your vision suddenly blurs with unshed tears.

You startle when an arm settles across your shoulders and you glance over at Mary Alice smiling as she watches the reunion as well. "Did you know?"

"Not a clue," you say. "This is just an insane coincidence."

As everyone else takes a turn reuniting with the young girl and introducing her to the new faces, Carol glances up at you and starts to make her way over. You smile as she nears. "My Sophia was the kid you mentioned, wasn't she? The girl you saved before you came across the retirement home."

"Yeah. I just didn't know her name was Sophia." You chuckle. "She said something about her name making her sad because it reminded her of her mom, so she chose a new one."

"Why Daisy?"

You shrug. "Because we were walking through a field of daisies and she liked the sound of it."

Carol wetly chuckles and you give a surprised oh when she yanks you into a hug. "Thank you. Thank you for keeping my baby girl safe."

"No thanks needed, Carol. Whether your daughter knows it not, Daisy- er, Sophia- saved me as well. I'm just glad I could reunite the two of you."

The two of you pull out of the hug just to see the rest of the group making their way towards you, and Sophia hurries to wrap her arms around your waist. "Thank you. Thank you for finding my family."

"Don't even mention it, kid." You ruffle her hair, chuckling. "I'm just glad you found each other again." As you look up to meet everyone's house, you say, "So about your house.."

The group chuckle and you finally lead them to a couple empty houses just down the block you currently reside on. You inform them that every house in the neighborhood was built with four bedrooms and two bathrooms. Rick tells you they'll take just the one house for now until they're acquainted with their surroundings and you let him know that that was fine, but in a few days you were taking a group out to pick out furniture and appliances for two houses.

Daryl scoffs. "Where exactly does one go shoppin' in the goddamn apocalypse?"

"In the store Y/N hid with her magic. Duh!" Sophia muses. Daryl glances down at the young girl before a smirk pulls at the corner of his lips. She beams at him and he playfully reaches out to ruffle her hair.

"So, uh, yeah," you muse. "You guys can go ahead and wait here while I go round up a few sleeping bags that we can transform into mattresses," you tell them. "The water should be working, but you might want to run the faucets and showers for a minute or so to make sure all the air is out of the pipes." You start to back away down the sidewalk, heading towards your house. "I'll even knock on a few doors and see if there are any shirts and pants anyone is willing to let go of so you guys can shower. You can change into clean clothes while washing those you have on right now."

Before anything can be said, you turn around and make your way towards your house. You're not sure why all of sudden you became nervous- there is nothing to be nervous about- but you felt yourself suddenly getting anxious under all their gazes.

It doesn't take you long to find a few sleeping bags in your garage, so you take those with you while stopping by next door. You ask your neighbors for any sleeping bags or air mattresses, as well as a change of clothes, and they're all too happy to accommodate the newest residents of your sleepy little community. So by the time you make it back to the house where you had left the group, arms laden with bags that are threatening to cut off the circulation in your arms, you aren't surprised to see some of them already holding dishes of food.

"These old ladies sure do work fast." You laugh. Rick and Glenn are quick to pass off the dishes in their hands in favor of helping you bring in the stuff for them. They take the sleeping bags from you, leaving you with large shopping bags full of clothing. "So do you guys want everything set up downstairs or you do want to sleep in separate rooms already?"

"Downstairs is fine," Rick says. "At least for now."

In the living room, the sleeping bags are all rolled out and the air mattress is blown up. Rick settles Judith down on the mattress and Carl is quick to crawl on next to her. You've only enlarged one sleeping bag- the one Glenn and Maggie seemed to have gravitated to- when Rick stops you, telling you that you've done more than for him and his family. You ask him if he's sure and he nods, but you can't help just one last wiggle of your fingers to give the sleeping bags a little extra cushion.

"So I guess I'll leave you to it," you say. "In the bag with the clothes, there are plates and utensils. Everyone's offered up their laundry rooms for you to use, but if you're uncomfortable encroaching in on their houses then just get Sophia to show you to mine."

There's a round of thank yous as you leave so you wave and let them settle in. As you're walking out the front door, before you can shut it behind you, someone's gripping it and opening it wider. You're surprised to see Daryl follow you out.

"Everything good?" You ask.

"Yeah." He nods, hands finding their way into his jean's pockets. He shuffles rather sheepishly and you can't help but grin. "Yeah. All good here." You nod and turn to head down the stairs, only for his gruff voice to stop you in your tracks and make you turn back around once more. "Thanks. You didn't have to bring us in or trust us with your secret, but 'ya did. You gave my group a fightin' chance- 'ya gave those kinds in the house a fightin' chance. So thanks."

You smile at him. "You're welcome." He meets your gaze for a moment, eyes hidden behind a curtain of hair and you chuckle. "Go grab a plate of food and a shower, Daryl. You guys are safe here so relax. All of you look like you can sleep for days."

He shakes his head. "We still got people out there."

"And that sucks, I'm sure, but you need to look after yourself first," you say. "You won't be doing anyone any good if you're falling over your own two feet because you're beyond exhausted." Daryl shifts on his feet, his expression turning rather displeased. "Rest up and I promise that when you and a couple others are ready, I'll be right there with you to find your people."

Daryl holds your gaze before he relaxes a bit and he gives you a terse nod. "Fine. Until then, 'ya gotta learn not to rely on 'ya powers or whatever. Gotta keep that a secret until the last second."

Your nose wrinkles and then you sigh. "And here I thought I was done with physical education."

[marvelsimp]

THE NEW KID: Landing

THE NEW KID MASTERLIST Ch. 3

Genre: Fluff Pairing: Peter x Lesbian!reader (Platonic duh), Avengers & Reader Warnings: swearing, Description: Reader has just joined the Avengers so they decide to throw her a birthday party. Reader’s Powers: Healing, telepathy, and empath. Word Count: 2,737

“Peter! You got me into the avengers!” you scream whacking your best friend with a pillow.

“You’re welcome!” he laughs shielding his face from oncoming attacks.  You end up tackling him causing him to land on his bed. “Why are you attacking me? This is so RUDE!”

“HAHA! Too bad.”

“STOP. STOP” he laughs causing you to stop almost instantly. He sits up and looks at the clock, it reads ‘3:57’.  “How about we go back down to the game floor we can play some more laser tag or mess around with the VR stuff?”

“Sure but didn’t you say earlier that you wanted to show me the lab?”

“I forgot about that!” he stood up and reached his hand out to help you get up, you accept.  Peter leads you out of his room at Avenger’s Tower to go to the elevator then up to the lab.  “So, this is it!” he says taking you up some stairs.

The space is huge, where you just entered from is where the Quinjet lands, where the med lab is, and where the avengers keep their gear for missions.  As you walk up the stairs you see several platforms and ‘bridges.’  To your right you see a platform full of tools and stations cluttered with different projects.

“Most of its taken up by Mr. Stark,” Peter explains, “He’s constantly working on upgrading and improving all of our suits.”  He leads you towards the back of the area, “This is where I usually work.  I’m usually the one to work on my suit, especially during breaks. I’m trying to figure out a way to improve the capacity of my web-shooters.”

You nod, Pete lets you look at his formulas and blueprints. You give him a handful of suggestions and ask him a few questions. He listens intently to each suggestion and question.  He then has a quick ‘aha’ moment and writes a few things down for later.  You can’t believe that you now get to help him with this stuff in person.

“Oh,” he says suddenly. He points to an empty part of the lab next to him. “This is your station, you can put anything there and use any of the tools, under supervision.  Mr. Stark isn’t a big fan of us being up here without him or Dr. Banner but he made an exception for today.”

“Wait… slow down.”

Peter looks up at you, he’s slightly confused.

“I get to work up here, in the Avenger’s lab?”

“Yeah,” he breathes out. “What did you not understand about the part that you’re an Avenger now?”

“I don’t know… I guess that it just didn’t click.” You look around the space trying to figure out what you’ll do.  You then remember some of the old projects that you had to scrap because you didn’t the resources, you’ll probably have to start from scratch… wait your stuff is here. You let out a gasp and your eyes get a little wider. You almost run out to get your old blueprints but Peter grabs your wrists.

“Y/n, slow down.  Where are you going?”

“Sorry, I got ahead of myself.  I just remembered that I have my old blueprints still and that I can work on that stuff here.”

He smiles at you, he’s happy you can feel it off of him.  That was the first time since you got to New York that you had felt pure joy and he could feel it, too. His smile shrinks a little, “Like I said Mr. Stark doesn’t really like us up here without someone with us.” You nodded in understanding.

“Now let me actually take you to the med lab, I think that Dr. Cho will want to meet you.” He took you back down the stairs and opened the doors to the Med Lab.  Dr. Cho was sitting down busy at work looking through some papers and looking at something on the screen in front of her. “Dr. Cho.”

She looked up from her work and looked at Peter then at you.  Her eyes grew wide, “Oh, I completely forgot.” She stood up walking over to you and reaching her hand out.   You accepted it shaking her hand, “I’m Y/n.”

“Yes,” she smiled, “Stark told me about you and your powers. I’d love to do some testing later once you’re settled.”

“I’d love that too.  I’ve done a little bit of testing on my own, but I’d love to learn my limits.”

She nodded, she seemed excited. “I have to get back to my work now, but I will see you later.”

You and Peter exited the lab then went back down to the game floor as you had planned earlier.  You both walked down the hallway and entered the game room.  In one of the corners was Steve and Bucky, Bucky was hunched over on an old arcade version of Mortal Combat while Steve had his hand on the brunette’s back and he was laughing his ass off at the stern face of the “tinman.”  Steve almost instantly turned around when you and peter entered but he couldn’t stop his laughing quite as quickly.

You smiled and waved at them.  You turned to Peter, “What do you wanna play?”

“Smash Bros?”

“Minecraft?”

‘You always want to play Minecraft,” he whined.

‘And you always want to play Smash Bros!”

He gave you the best puppy dog eyes he could.

“Fine!” you laughed

“Yes!” Peter quickly set up the game.

“FINISH HIM” you could hear from the old Mortal Combat Bucky was playing.

You took that as your cue, “Do you guys want to join us?”

Steve looked a little surprised, he turned to Bucky waiting for his answer. “Sure, how do you play?” he and Steve walked over and joined you and Peter on the large couch.

“It’s kind of like Mortal Combat.” You went on to explain the game and gave recommendations as to who they should pick.

“Fuck!” you exclaimed after losing to the two super-soldiers who had never even played the game before today.

“Language,” Steve said nonchalantly.

“Sorry” you squeaked out.

Steve’s eyes widened realizing his mistake, he said it out of habit assuming it was Bucky who said it.  Bucky let out an earth-shattering laugh. While you were mortified that you had screamed ‘fuck’ in front of some of the Avengers not once but twice in one day. Once Bucky stopped laughing and caught his breath he turned to Peter, “Do you curse this much? I swear I’ve never even heard you say ‘crap.’”  He did, just not in front of the avengers.  Peter’s whole face had turned red causing Bucky to laugh again.

“Sorry, Y/n,” Steve said over Bucky’s continual laughing.

“What are you saying sorry for?”

“I thought it was Buck who said it so out of habit I said ‘language.’”

You smiled, “You don’t mind me-“

“Of course not.” Steve looked at his watch and then turned to Bucky who had finally stopped laughing, “Buck, maybe it’s time we head up.”

“It was nice playing with you guys,” you smiled.

“Yeah, we’ll have to do it again,” said Bucky.

“You’re an Avenger now, doll. Plenty of game nights.” Steve smiled walking out the door.

“Bye.”

Peter stood up. “Do yooou wanna play in VR?”

“Yes!”

“I know we’ve only been on this for half an hour but do you wanna grab some food?” Peter asked you.

“Umm, sure I could use some food.”

You and Peter walked back to the elevator taking it back up to the communal living space. As the elevator rose you felt the excitement rise not only in Peter but in some people on the floor you were headed to. When the doors opened it was darker than last time then you heard “SURPRISE” being shouted at you from all over the room and the lights turned back on. You jumped back a little then erupted into giggles. Directly in front of you were Ned, MJ, and May.  While the Avengers were spread around the room, which included some of those that weren’t at lunch.  There was a large banner on the wall that read “Happy 17th Birthday, Y/n!” There were streamers and balloons everywhere, along with some confetti that was spread along the ground. “Happy Birthday!” Ned, MJ, and May said in unison all grouping together for a group hug that caused you to giggle once more.

“Thank you.”

Peter grabbed your hand and led you over to a group of people near the dining table.  There was Pepper Potts with a little girl holding onto her hand, with a man, woman, and a teen girl that was maybe a year or two younger than you and Peter.  Pepper was the first to notice the two of you so she turned and smiled at you grabbing the others' attention.

“Hi,” you said looking back over the group.

“I’m Hope,” said the brunette woman reaching her hand out.

You recognized her but couldn’t remember how and as you shook her hand you let out a slight gasp, “Pym?”

“Yes,” she breathed out.

“Sorry, I’m way too invested into sciency things.”

The man next to her let out a chuckle, “I’m Scott.” He gently put his hand onto the teen next to him, “and this is my daughter Cassie.”

She smiled at you, “Hi.”

“Hi.” You were kinda confused as to who these people were, relating to the Avengers.

Peter whispered in your ear, “Think about it,” it was like he was the telepath.

After a second or two of staring at them, you let out, “Oh! You’re Wasp and Ant-man.” Neither one of them were known to the public as that but they were the only masculine and feminine pair, so it made sense. Hope let out a, “Yeah” while Scott just grinned impressed.  You finally turned to the woman you were very excited to meet, the CEO of Stark Industries.

“I’m Pepper,” she went for a hug that you accepted. Once you were released from the hug she put her hand on the shoulder of the little girl hiding behind her. “This is Morgan, Tony and I’s daughter.”

You kneeled to be at the girl’s eye level, “Hi, I’m Y/n.”

“Hi,” she said in the quietest voice possible.

You just smiled and stood back up. “It’s an honor to meet you all,” you said turning to each one in the small group, “I can’t believe that I’m even here.”

“Don’t worry,” Scott said, “We’re still getting used to it.” Hope nodded in agreement.

Thank god, that eased your anxieties a little. “Come on, Y/n. There are still more people you gotta meet.” He led you across the room where Tony and Colonel Rhodes, aka War Machine, were talking, Col. Rhodes seemed annoyed.  As you walked you passed Bruce, Sam, Bucky, and Steve who waved as you walked by.  Bruce stepped forward, “Hey, Y/n!”

You stopped and turned to him.

“Thor wanted to tell you sorry that he couldn’t make it, ya know family business. And he wanted me to tell you ‘Happy Birthday’ from him and Loki.” You smiled and laughed at the “and Loki” part. “Tell them ‘Thank you and that I understand. Oh, and that I wish him luck with his brother’”. Bruce chuckled at your response. He turned and returned to his group while you continued to follow Peter.

“Come on, Tony, another teenager,” you could barely hear Col. Rhodes say.

Tony just saw you two walking towards them, he pointed his head at you which caused Col. Rhodes’ demeanor to change almost instantly.

“Hey,” Tony said smirking at you and Peter, “How you feeling?”

“Uhh, I’m still in stock,” you laugh rubbing your neck.

“Don’t worry, kid, that will wear off.”

“I’m Rhodey by the way.”

“It’s nice to meet you.”

“I won’t be able to stay for long I was told about this morning. I wasn’t even told there was a possibility of a new Avenger until then either,” he looked annoyingly at Tony.

“Oh, I... don’t worry it’s an honor just meeting you guys.”

“Y/n,” yelled Wanda who was over in the kitchen.

“Well, that’s me,” you commented pointing your thumb towards the kitchen.

“Happy Birthday.”

“Yeah, Happy Birthday, kid.”

You and Peter headed to the kitchen.

“That was kinda tense,” whispered Peter in your ear.

You nod in agreement as you enter.  Wanda is standing next to the counter eating some chips with Nat and a man you recognize as Hawkeye.  But more importantly, you spot some brownies.  You quickly grab one, “Hey.” Wanda smiles and hugs you before you sit on one of the stools.

“Hey, Y/n/n, adjusted yet?” Nat joked.

“Nowhere close,” you breathe out.

Nat elbowed the man standing next to her. “I’m Clint.” He put a fist over the chip bowl.

You let out a chuckle and returned the fist bump.  “You’re Hawkeye, right?”

“Yeah,” he laughs at the codename.

You continue to eat the brownie and happily smile at your best friend.  He takes a seat next to you and spins your chair as you take the last bite of it. When you look up, there she is Captain Marvel with a gift bag in her hand.  You choke on the brownie spitting it out in your hand then throwing it away. Peter looks up in concern at you, you simply point at her and he erupts in laughter.  Nat, Clint, and Wanda were first concerned when you choked on your food but are now very confused.  You turn around away from the center of the room, putting your face in your hands.

“Y/n, you okay?” Wanda asks.

“Oh my god,” you breathe out.

Clint throws a chip at Peter, “Bug, explain.”

Peter calms down.  “Y/n has a hu-“ he corrects himself, “is a huge fan of Carol.”

Nat catches on instantly, the other two don’t but are accepting of the answer.

“Peter!” you say shoving him almost causing him to fall from his chair, but he holds on to the seat. “You’re a fucking psychopath,” you whisper angrily in his ear, “Are you trying to kill me?” He laughs looking behind you, so you turn around and to your surprise, Captain Marvel is right behind you.  You open your mouth opens but nothing comes out.

Y/n.exe has stopped working.

Reboot?

Rebooting.

Peter gives you a little shaking you a little. “Earth to Y/n,” he whispers in your ear.  Everyone, EVERYONE takes note of this. Some understanding your behavior instantly while others put it down as you just being a “big fan.”

“Hi,” you blush.

“Hi,” Captain Marvel smiles at you.

“I, um, I’m a, I’m Y/n,” you finally stutter out.

“I’m Carol,” she smirks.  You put your hand out for her to shake but instead of returning the handshake, she puts the gift bag she was holding into your hand.  “Peter told me you were a big fan, so I got you something.”

You smile and hit Peter for telling her. “Thank you,” you barely get out as she walks away.

“Hey!” you hear from across the room. “Since everyone’s met Y/n let’s sing happy birthday!” you finally recognize the voice to be Tony’s, “Head to the Dining table!”

You’re still standing there stunned, “Did that just happen?”

“Yes,” Peter says grabbing your arm, “Now let’s get some cake.”

Peter leads you to the Dining Table and then to a cupcake tower full of different types of cupcakes with a lit candle on top reading ‘17’. You take a deep breath to collect yourself.  You look around you and you’re overwhelmed with how much you can feel all of them caring for you even though you just met most of them today.  You wish your parents could see this… no you wish that your parents loved you enough where you wouldn’t even be in New York right now, but they don’t, and you have to live with that.  “Thank you, for all of this,” you say looking mostly at Peter but also at the others.  “Usually, I would spend my birthday with just my parents and this year I thought it would be Peter, May, MJ, Ned, and I.  But I never could’ve predicted to be with any of you much less as your new teammate.  I don’t know what else to do besides saying thank you.”

Next Chapter

Arrived

[donaidk]

Eyes Off You - Mick Schumacher

*Repost as I wanted it in a separate post rather than an ask, to make my blog organized. Hope you guys don’t mind :)*

I have changed things up a little but I hope you will still enjoy this! I loved writing it and tried to use everything you mentioned. Thank you for requesting and also reading!

TW: Body image issues (mild)

Note to Anon: Please never ever think like you’re not worth it just because you’re ‘out of someone’s league’! I wasted years of my life hating myself and feeling like crap just because people made me think I wasn’t worth anything. You’re unique and they’re just blind to see it. Rock on and show them that they’re the ones who are not worth your worrying, anxitey and thoughts! Love you! ❤️

Masterlist | Request

Links - Inspiration song | Dress (in deep red) | Jewelry

When Mick asked me to dress up and meet him in the park close to our house, I can’t lie that it wasn’t a bit confusing. I didn’t remember the date to be anything special really, and I couldn’t get myself to remember if we had anything planned for the day previously. He just got back home for their usual longer summer break between race weekends, which we usually spent laying around in bed for a few days before we felt energized enough to spend time outside the confinement of our home. But now he was up on his feet already on the first day, making us take a walk around the city and as it turns out he had plans for the following days as well. I couldn’t lie, it made me excited but at the same time so confused, about where all of this energy was coming from. Normally I waited with my vacation time off work for him, and only took out days when it was sure that he was going to be free. This meant I was quite busy with work during the remaining days of the year, making me tired and grumpy for the first days I had off in between. It was lucky that on most occasions we had at least a week together, which meant I could lay around lazy for a few days before we would get on with our planned activities. He did surprise me by not letting me just waste a day or two.

My mind started running at the speed of light when I found the little note on our bed, telling me to dress up pretty because he would take me out as soon as he’s gonna be back from his family’s place. I always loved surprises, even more the ones he planned out for us, but knowing we had to go out or it stepped onto a territory that made my anxiety skyrocket. I was never the social type, as I felt content with the group of friends I had since our high-school years. I knew I could trust them and never really tried to meet other people, be it a party or any kind of set up where you had to communicate with strangers. That’s probably why I never really accompanied him to any ceremonies or team parties when I had the chance. It was clear to me that I would just be an anxious mess, and I really didn’t need his friends and colleagues to realise how much Mick and I didn’t match. It was enough when my own brain stood against me and tried to persuade me into believing what we had would never truly work out in the long run. In moments like that I couldn’t even make out how we went from meeting at the beach in Hawaii to today.

° ° °

I didn’t really know how my friends got me to go with them to Hawaii as a summer vacation, and having been here with them for the past half a week I have felt a bit of regret. What was strange that I did enjoy myself and all the plans we had, even if every night I felt like I would rather be home and just relax in my own bedroom, maybe going out with my family for walks or meals at max. That was enough for my social side usually for a whole year. Having people around me 24/7, that tried interacting with me all the time was exhausting. The only thing that made this holiday bearable was that they knew all of this and gave me space when they saw I would need it, but pushed me to take part in the original plan when I was just making up excuses.

Our usual plans consisted of sleeping, eating, going to the beach, taking walks and repeating all four of those activities until our holiday would end. It was usually the beach that I missed out on when I needed a bit of time for myself, but still made sure I spent more time with them than I did alone in our rented house. It would have been a waste of time and money if I didn’t challenge myself a little bit, to be more outgoing. I still wasn’t adventurous enough to for example be in front of them in only a bikini or bathing suit, but I luckily never felt overdressed with my shorts and sleeveless shirts while playing some kind of sports in the sand. Thanks to the boys in our group it was usually football as there were some goals set up in the shade, but we sometimes could get them to play some volleyball too. I probably looked out of place next to all of them wearing their bathing suits or pants and then there I was in full clothing. The only way I could distract myself by only paying attention to the games we played trying to win for our team.

It was maybe our fifth day when we started to see another group of people around our age attending the beach every day. We spent a day just passing each other before one of them challenged us for a volleyball ‘tournament’ and then the next day a football one. It turned into a daily activity and even I was surprised how much I enjoyed it, both the games we played and the conversations we had. They seemed really cool and with several of them I felt like we would be quite good friends outside this holiday. One of them stood out to me even more than the other few guys, by the name of Mick. The girls of course saw it from the outside and I was teased for until the last day when I got myself together and in the end swapped phone numbers with him.

I still didn’t think too much into it, knowing we will probably just forget about even meeting each other. I can still remember how surprised I was when just days after getting back to my usual home routine he texted me, announcing that he’s gonna be in my hometown soon and that he would live to meet up with me. And he didn’t disappoint, going for lunch and a walk around the city with me in just a few weeks time. I can still feel how fast my heart was beating when he revealed to me why he was here and how I felt like a complete fool for thinking he was just a normal kid. I couldn’t have been farther off the truth. That was the first day when I could laugh at my own stupidity whole heartedly, as I couldn’t hold back my embarrassed chuckling at hearing him laugh. If someone told me I’ll get the chance to listen to his laugh almost every day in our future, I would have called them crazy for sure.

° ° °

Putting the little note aside onto the bedside table as I sat down on the mattress, laying back still trying to figure out what he could have planned for us. I was just turning a bit to get my head on my pillow, with my hand sliding under it as I usually liked to sleep when my fingers met with something there that felt like paper. Pulling it out my eyes met with another now purple colored post-it, with his handwriting on it, saying ’It’s gonna be just the two of us, don’t stress about it’ and a little kissy face making me chuckle. He knew me too well and this note showed that he really did think about any possibility so he wouldn’t have to be home to get me out of the house. With a sigh I pushed myself off the bed so I could open up the wardrobe and in a way I knew there would be a twist even before I could see inside. Next to all my usual dresses and blouses hanging under the shelves was another black hanger with a white protector fabric encasing the dress it was probably holding up. The note on it was a simple winky face and I took it out with my head shaking at his antics and how I should have known he would get me something to wear.

I laid it onto our bed, opening up the protector’s zipper and my smile grew wider as my eyes caught the deep red colour of the silk that was hiding under it. Seconds later I was already lifting up the hanger, the dress itself following it flowing through the air with such an ease it made you think it was probably made from it with how light it was. When I turned it around my mind was just about to go into panic mode again at how open the backside was, but the note I discovered stuck to it made me take a deep breath and calm down instantly. ’Remember Hockenheim in 2018?’ I read the words slowly and couldn’t help but smile at the memory it brought up in my mind.

° ° °

When Mick invited me to the Hockenheim GP, the last three races of their season, everyone knew it would be a weekend for celebrations as whatever would have happened he was winning the Championship and no one could stop him. His point advantage put him into a position where not even the driver who was in second place could switch him out, even if they won all three races and Mick would miss out on them. Everything seemed relaxed around his part of the team as everyone knew this last weekend was like a celebratory run for them after all the hard work they put into the season.

The first race wasn’t his best ever but then took second place in both the second and third one, securing his title for the season. As soon as he was out of the car it was all about celebrating both his and the team’s performance. I had the widest grin of my life on my face as we watched him step onto the podium receiving his P2 trophy  and  then later the one for the Driver’s Championship. It took us three times the usual time to get back to the hotel as everyone was taking pictures with him. Even I got one with him, with which I couldn’t hold back from posting about his achievement. It felt like eternity until we were back at the hotel, and the P2 trophy was still in my hand as we entered his room. I was holding it right until he swept me up into a tight hug and I rather placed it onto the coffee table, before I would drop it.

It wasn’t a surprise when after dinner and a couple of drinks we ended up in the bed together with his shirt already off and mine pushed halfway up my torso when I came to my senses. My mind panicked immediately at all the imagined scenarios coming to me, about him leaving after seeing how I actually look. I was always insecure about my whole body, but mainly my back as my skin there was always full of spots and scarring. The thought of him seeing it freaked me out, don’t even start me on thinking about him touching it. Coming back from my thoughts I took in a shaky but deep breath making him glance at me, pushing himself up a little. I just tried kissing him, to get him to continue but there was worry in his eyes and even though he quickly pecked my lips once again he wasn’t getting back to his previous actions.

“ I’m not going any further until you tell me what got you so out of it. ” He stated, still looking me in the eyes and making me gulp. “ What’s the matter? We don’t have to do anything, there’s no musts here. Just tell me what’s wrong, please. ” He asked again, making me just shake my head as I didn’t trust my voice. I felt like his eyes were boring into me so deep he could see my soul.

“ It’s stupid… but I’m just not… not perfect in any way? ” I finally spoke up, making him furrow his brows in confusion as one of his hands came up to my face to get my hair off my cheek. I knew he was trying to get more info out of me.

“ What isn’t perfect? ” He asked like I just told him something stupid, that doesn’t even exist. I debated telling him or just  making a run for it and maybe never talking to him again as anxiety made my throat close up for a second.

“ Everything? Mostly my back. ” I answered him in the end, my next blink lasting longer than usual as I needed a second to compose myself. “ It’s just bumpy and gross. ” I added, not really knowing where my sudden courage came from. When my eyes opened up he was still looking at me but then pushed himself up a little, my hands falling onto my stomach from his sides.

“ Turn around. ” He said, making my heart miss the next beat and my eyes widen. “ Please.” He added with a sigh, sending me a calming smile and my body moved on it’s own sitting up before I turned my back to him. “ Can we take this off? ” I heard his voice as two of his fingers came under the material of my shirt. I was about to shake my head but then it ended up as a nod. If I trusted someone it was him.

After helping me pull my t-shirt off he let me lay back down and I turned my head to the side as it was back on the pillow. Like this I could also see him, giving me the possibility to stop him he was about to do something I wouldn’t have liked. He first just left a little kiss on my cheek, making me smile contently and almost forgetting what was happening, before he went down my neck and my back with his lips. My breath was stuck in my throat until his face came back to mine and I forced some air into my lungs.

“ There’s nothing wrong with you, your body, your back or your skin. Yeah? Nothing wrong. ” He told me again, laying back down next to, with his arm around my waist, pulling me closer. “ The only thing wrong here is the idiot who made you think you’re any less than perfect. ” He added, kissing me and I felt like I would never be able to separate from him. Lucky I wouldn’t have to for at least the next month.

° ° °

As I took the little slip of paper off my fingers ran over the silky fabric, the delicate little chain catching my sight with the sparkling diamonds following each other for the whole length of it. It was a strange jewelry and took me a second to understand it was deliberately placed at the back and not in the front of it. The image inside my head made me gasp as I imagined how it would look on someone and how it would accentuate their back, the shiny metal catching everyone’s glance. Even though my skin was in it’s best ever state I was still quite conscious about it, and made sure most of the time to wear things that I knew would cover any imperfection of it. I knew that his plan with this was to make sure I finally embraced it, how I should have then even back then.

I fought with myself for a bit but then took the dress off the hanger and laid it down onto the bed. I still had to take a shower and do both my makeup and hair. I stayed with the most minimal amount of makeup, mostly focusing on my eyeliner and mascara with some nude colored lipstick that wasn’t far off the original color of my lips. I didn’t spend lots of time on my hair either, letting it flow freely after going through it with a brush and parting it at the usual place. The last step was getting into the dress and zipping it up on the side. When I felt like I had everything with a last check in the full body mirror I was about to change my mind at my reflection when I noticed one more little note from him. ‘You look perfect, don’t question it. Car waiting for you in front of the building.’ There was the time too, when the car would arrive at ours, which was minutes away and with a last sigh I took a thin blazer from the wardrobe before putting on my heels and leaving the house. I locked the door, making sure I won’t be able to get back inside easily, so I couldn’t change my mind.

I didn��t even have to wait a minute longer for a car to park down in front of the exit and I got in without a question when the driver called out my name. I wasn’t even anxious anymore when he restarted the engine, more like excited. So much I felt like I couldn’t sit through our drive. We were waiting at a red light and from my seat I could see the park, which was Mick’s and my favourite place for morning runs or even picnics, making me reach up to my neck, my fingers immediately wrapping around the little pendant that was hanging there on a delicate gold chain.

I remember seeing him crashing into a tyre wall and waiting for him to finally confirm that he was alright. It was the first time since I started watching the races that I saw him getting so close to being hurt and I wasn’t looking forward to any more of these. He probably knew that I would be a bit upset, worried about his well being after realising how dangerous their job actually was. It was just two days later when we were already home and he gave me a little box. It contained a medium sized pendant, quite similar to his. I knew his was from his family, to bring luck to him and I hoped mine would bring some more luck not even just to me but him too. From the moment I put it on, I never took it off again for longer than an hour.

“ We’re here. ” The driver’s voice made me blink away the memory that came up for me, making me turn my head towards him. “ He’s waiting. ” He added with a smile, pointing towards the entrance of the little park that I knew so well.

I quickly thanked him for getting me here before leaving the vehicle and going towards the open gates. We usually just walked by this place and I always found it astonishing as it looked like a fairy land with the lightning all around the place and the pagodas, where people could just sit down and enjoy a cup of coffee or tea with some desserts. However, now it was empty, and the only thing that I could hear was soft music playing in one of the small buildings. Having no clue about where I should go my only hope was following the sound to one of the more hidden pagodas, that was lit up outside even more than the others. I was getting confused and almost giving up when he finally stood up and I could let out a relieved sigh. There was a huge grin on his face, making me smile too although I felt a little embarrassed even though it was only him standing in front of me. I knew he would never give me a reason to feel bad about myself or what I was wearing.

“ You look stunning. ” He came up to me, pulling me into a hug and leaving a kiss on my lips. “ I’m really happy you stayed with the dress. ” He added, making me smile up at him as I initiated another kiss between us, before I let him lead me into the little building.

“ Thank you. This is fabulous as well. I knew it was beautiful, but never thought it’s this cozy. ” I looked around again, not even paying too much attention to him, completely missing him taking my blazer off my shoulder so he could hang it on the wall next to his one.

“ I've wanted to take you here since we first saw it. It was just never the perfect timing. ” He let out a sigh, his hand coming up to my back and it sent a shiver down my spine as the jewelry’s colder chain got in contact with my skin. I knew he saw and maybe even felt it, but never commented on it, deeming it a normal reaction.

“ It would have made it the perfect timing. ” I shrugged a little, sitting down on the chair he pulled out for me, before sitting down opposite me. “ Other than it being too cold to just sit around, I can’t really think about anything that would make me wanna leave early. ” I looked around again. My eyes followed the fairy lights’ cable running all around us and up a tree next to the pagoda.

Having the place for ourselves made it even more magical than how it would normally feel like. Even though we weren’t served by a waitress he had everything we could need, next to the table. He prepared sandwiches with little fruit salads and also our favourite drink. I’m sure we would be having coffee if we were here in the morning, but I also knew we would never sleep if we got caffeine in our systems now. From the outside it probably looked funny as we ate the sandwiches while wearing clothes that would fit into the poshest restaurants but I wouldn’t have changed one bit about tonight. Everything was part of what when considered a perfect date, even if it wouldn’t mean the same for another couple. Everyone’s taste is different and that’s what made it even better, that I could see how much Mick knew my favourite details. I still couldn’t believe what I did to deserve the life I had now and all the changes Mick brought into it by being next to me whenever I would need him and the support.

I was about to thank him for everything, that he made this happen, when he pulled his phone out and I could see as he opened up his camera started recording a video. Instead of lifting it up to record us, he propped it up on the table in a way that it would take in the space next to our pagoda, before standing up and going to the music player that controlled the whole system around the garden. I followed him with my eyes, curiously waiting to hear the song he would choose. I recognised it just two seconds into the start of it, making me not even think about it when he reached out his hand towards me. It was our song, however cliche that is, that we danced to in Hawaii, at the beach party that we attended on the last day of my holiday. Back then I thought we would never ever meet again in person, thought we would be parting ways forever as I had to leave with my friends. It would have been a perfect last memory for the few weeks we spent there, but it became even more magical when there was a text waiting for me to turn on my phone that turned into us talking on the phone constantly and then meeting again in my home town just a few months later.

Even though neither of us was a good dancer we made it work, swaying left and right to the slow beats of the song with my arms around his neck and his circling my hips and resting on the small of my back. I let my eyes close and my head slowly fall forward until my forehead was resting on his shoulder. I felt as he rested his head on mine for a second before his lips left a kiss on my jaw and then neck, followed by several on the skin of my shoulder.

“ This is perfect. ” I sighed out, and I was sure my mum would tease me about how I was beaming with a smile so wide the Cheshire cat could be jealous. I wasn’t ready for it to end and was glad of his choice when the song restarted, meaning the silence didn’t break the moment.

“ What do you think about making our forever this perfect? ” I felt his breath on my neck from his whispering, and I nodded with a smile, not thinking much of it. It was when he stepped back a little and I could see the little box in his hand when my hand came up to cover my surprised expression. “ I know you never thought a silly holiday with friends would end with something like this, but I’m planning on making that just one of the things that worked out quite well in our life. Will you be my partner in making everything better and marry me? ” He asked, already on one knee and opening up the top of the box, revealing a ring that was shining in the light coming from the lanterns and fairy lights.

The only thing I could remember after that was him standing next to me again, the both of us enveloped in a hug while I could already feel the comforting weight of the ring on my finger. The song was still flowing through the air around us, making me feel like I was part of the imaginary world built up inside my head, that I thought would never be my reality. I couldn’t wrap my mind around all the images and thoughts that were running around my head about our future, but feeling his embrace around my body I knew it would all workout. I already had him and that was everything I needed to live my life happy. Or should I say our life now?    

[missmentelle]

COVID-19, Inequality, and You

This pandemic has been a bad time in a lot of ways, but one of the most devastating impacts we’re going to see besides the death toll is the economic impact - the economic impact on real, working people, not on stock index numbers. Unemployment rates are skyrocketing, and people are being thrown into financial chaos as a result. 

But for all the talk we’ve heard during this pandemic of “we’re all in this together”, and “we’re all in the same boat”, it’s important to remember that, financially, we’re really, really not. Job losses, evictions and health crises are not equally distributed; if anything, this pandemic has been a stark reminder of inequality as the wealth gap grows wider and wider. 

My own life has been a weird cross-section of the ways that the pandemic has economically affected different people in very different ways - my mother has completely lost her job at a seasonal tourist restaurant that will likely go out of business, my brother’s hours at his campus security job have been cut as the school moves online, my boyfriend is seeing his savings rise as he goes out less but makes exactly the same salary at his financial tech job, and I’ve fielded multiple job offers through this pandemic as government grants for social services boom in my region in anticipation of a coming homelessness crisis.  

The news has been reporting on unemployment numbers and shuttered businesses, but there hasn’t been a lot of in-depth coverage about the ways that this is really going to affect people’s lives. There will be a lot of unexpected consequences to this pandemic if governments don’t step in to provide relief, including:

‘Eviction freezes’ are throwing tenants into debt without protecting their housing. Many places have put moratoriums on evictions during the pandemic, which is great. You don’t want a sudden surge in mass homelessness during a pandemic. But “no evictions” does not mean “no rent” - people who are currently being protected from eviction are still being charged rent, and their arrears are growing every month. As soon as eviction protections expire - which is set to happen very soon in many places - landlords can move forward with evicting tenants, going after their back rent, sending their debt to collection agencies and destroying their credit scores. 

A lot of people are about to lose most of their possessions. If you get evicted, your parents or friend might have room for you to move in with them for a while. They probably do not have room for your couch, dresser, bed, table, desk, bookshelves, TV and an entire apartment full of stuff. Putting your things in storage is an option, but you need to be able to pack and transport all of your things to the storage unit and pay for the unit every month. You could try selling the stuff you can’t take with you, but it may be difficult with so many other people also struggling financially, and you may have to leave on short notice. A lot of people who get evicted will end up abandoning a lot of their stuff, which they’ll have to re-purchase all over again to get back on their feet. 

People with low wages are disproportionately likely to lose their jobs. If you work as a software engineer, you’re probably still employed. If you work as a hotel maid, there’s a good chance you’ve lost your job or had your hours cut to nearly nothing. The jobs that are most impacted by shutdowns are jobs in the service and hospitality industry, and they tend to be low-wage, hourly jobs that cannot be done from home - bartenders, servers, hotel clerks, and dishwashers are way more likely to have lost their jobs than lawyers, accountants, engineers and college professors. In many ways, the people who are getting kicked the hardest right now are the ones who could least afford it. 

Not every university will survive this pandemic. With a lot of universities and colleges scrambling to figure out whether to have in-person fall semesters, the future of a lot of post-secondary institutions looks bleak. Many students are choosing to take a year off or defer their admission rather than deal with online courses that have been haphazardly thrown together. On top of that, it’s not clear if international students will be able to attend university abroad this year, or if they even want to take the risk. This adds up to a whole lot of lost tuition money, leaving some universities with no way to keep operating - at least one American university has already permanently closed its doors because of the pandemic. The big players - Harvard, Yale, Stanford, Columbia - will probably pull through, but smaller colleges are at serious risk of going under, leaving their students in limbo and at risk of not finishing their disrupted degrees. 

A lot of people are about to go from “poor” to “disabled”. The people most likely to contract coronavirus are the workers who have to interact with the public every day - not only nurses and doctors, but grocery store workers, delivery people, ride-sharing and taxi drivers, transit workers and janitorial staff. Those who survive are at risk of life-long complications of coronavirus, including permanently reduced lung capacity - that’s not great when you need to work a physically demanding job. A lot of people are about to find themselves in a situation where they are no longer able to do their jobs due to a virus that they contracted because of their jobs. 

Many women’s careers may never recover from this. Daycares and schools are closed, and women are bearing the brunt of it. In a world where women still tend to earn less than male partners, it’s women’s careers that have taken a backseat when things get rough. Even when both partners are working from home, women are the ones overwhelmingly taking on most of the domestic and child-rearing chores, which hurts their work performance and leaves them more vulnerable to layoffs. And that’s a relatively privileged position to be in - without childcare services available, many working moms and single moms have had to quit their jobs, whether they could afford it or not, because they have no other options for their children. This kind of career disruption is something that these women may never totally recover from, especially as they try to re-enter an increasingly hostile job market. 

Black and brown people are the most affected by rising unemployment. People of colour - especially immigrants and women of colour - are facing higher rates of unemployment than other groups. Hispanic and Latina women are in particularly dire circumstances, which is alarming, as they are also the most likely to be dealing with an uncertain immigration status. People of colour - particularly women - are disproportionately likely to work in industries that have been impacted by the pandemic, like the hospitality, food service, retail, child care, beauty and personal care industries, and they face systemic racism that makes it difficult for them to advocate for safe working conditions or access adequate medical care. 

College and tourist towns are at risk of complete economic meltdown. A lot of towns or small cities depend on their local university or annual tourism to survive. A huge crowd of strangers flocks to their town for a few months per year and gives local businesses the money they need to pay for necessities year-round. My hometown is one of these places - most businesses are only open from May - September, and they make enough money during that time for everyone to scrape by for the rest of the year. Those tourists aren’t coming this year, which is something that locals have only learned as they begin to run out of last year’s money. You don’t need to work for a university or a hotel to be impacted by school and tourism shutdowns - the ripple effects will be felt by entire communities. 

Escaping domestic violence will be difficult even after lockdown ends. It’s not exactly a secret that domestic violence has skyrocketed since the global pandemic began, a fact that many experts attribute to the fact that everyone is trapped indoors together and under a lot of stress. But even as lockdown regulations start to lift in areas that handled the pandemic responsibly, victims of domestic violence will face higher-than-usual barriers to escape - many victims may have lost their jobs and burned through their savings, and may have difficulty finding a new job that can finance their escape. Victims with health issues may also be wary about going to shelters for fear they will be further exposed to the virus. 

Poor children will fall even further behind their upper-middle-class peers. I come from a part of rural eastern Canada where reliable internet access is simply not available. So for young children in the region, school effectively ended in March - they do not have the resources needed to connect to online learning. And children from rural areas aren’t the only ones missing out - more than half of all students in the United States aren’t accessing their online classes regularly, and marginalized kids are especially likely to be absent. Poor kids are staring down the barrel of an enormous education gap; they are less likely to have a stable internet connection and a device for their online learning, they are less likely to have books at home, and their parents are more likely to be essential workers who still have to go to work right now and don’t have time to teach them. Middle-class and wealthy families can afford laptops, educational software, tutors, books and time at home to educate their children - when schools are eventually back in session, the gaps between children from different socioeconomic backgrounds will probably be the widest they’ve ever been. 

Don’t get me wrong - I am not arguing that we should end lockdowns prematurely to ease the economic impact. Public health measures exist for good reason, and I don’t think any of us want to even imagine, much less live through, the personal, physical and economic devastation of letting a pandemic rage out of control and melt down our healthcare systems. Despite what many people seem to believe, managing a global pandemic is not about “health vs. economy” - letting the virus rage out of control and kill millions would devastate every economic and social system we have. The preservation of human life has to come first.

What we need instead is comprehensive action to recognize and address the issues that come with long-term quarantines and economic shutdown - we need rent relief, social safety nets and basic assured income programs to get our most vulnerable friends and neighbors through this pandemic. The world will probably never return to the “normal” that we knew before the pandemic struck, and it shouldn’t - it’s time for a new, better normal that doesn’t leave our most marginalized people behind. 

[stressisakiller]

A Moment of Peace

Bucky Barnes x Reader Soulmate AU

(Hello Sunflower Part 12)

Summary: You finally get a day to rest after the craziness of the past week

Warnings: None really, fluff, like one cussword a little bit of spice

Word Count: 2.6k

A/N: Small Edit 3/18 Fluffy chapter yay!  Let me know what you think and if you have any requests for future chapters! Thank yall for reading!’

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Between being kidnapped by Hydra and worrying about the trial, there hadn’t been much time in the last week for you to relax. So after the final trial and final decision of not guilty you felt like you were going to collapse. Everyone was happy to be back at the tower but you all decided that celebrating could wait. The week had worn down on everyone. Leaning on Bucky as you headed to his room, your legs felt like lead, and the moment that your head hit the pillow you were out. 

You were a little disoriented as you woke, it was dark in the room and outside, your eyes still felt heavy and there was a weight on your waist. Shifting to look to your left you found the weight to be your soulmate's arm flung over you as he slept, mouth open and small snores slipping out of his mouth. You couldn’t help but giggle at the image, in that moment it hit you that you are free. The government isn’t going to come after you and Hydra is in hiding again, at least for a little while. Allowing yourself to relax again you shuffle closer to Bucky, pausing when you feel him stir. He simply turns to his side and pulls you closer in his sleep resting his chin on top of your head as you bury your face into his chest. Breathing him in, you soak in the warmth of his chest and arm. Even with the super-soldier serum flowing through you, your body still runs a little cooler and you always enjoy the warmth that your space heater of a boyfriend gives off. You smile to yourself as you allow your body to drift back off to sleep.

The sun is the first thing you notice as your body slowly comes to consciousness. You must have slept all afternoon and night. Can’t say you're surprised, you hadn’t been this exhausted since you disobeyed and got a tattoo to cover your soul mate mark at eighteen. A soft kiss to your forehead pulls you out of your thoughts and causes your eyes to flutter open. The sight you are met with makes your heart melt, Bucky is leaning on his metal arm looking down at you with a soft smile gracing his lips. His flesh hand is tracing random patterns on the skin of your hip. You sleepily smile up at him.

“G’mornin’ love, wha’ time s’it? Your words are slurred with sleep, causing Bucky to smile a little wider

“9 am, the day is practically halfway gone.” he jokes, considering you normally end up waking up closer to 5:30 in the morning 9 is surprising.

“No shit? I can’t remember the last time I slept in this late.” you giggle at the noise that your tummy makes at that moment “‘M hungry.”

Bucky nods and goes to get dressed, at least enough for the communal kitchen as you stretch out across the bed, trying to release those last few knots in your body before getting up and putting on your baggy pj bottoms. 

You are surprised to see Tony cooking bacon and pancakes when you enter the kitchen. You walk up and give your brother a hug,

“I didn’t know you could cook.”

“There are a lot of things you don’t know about me,” he unsuccessfully tries hiding his smile as you raise your eyebrow at him, “and really, I’m only good at making a couple of things, breakfast being one of them.”

You give him a kiss on the cheek before you walk over to the coffee maker, pouring yourself a cup and making a fresh pot for the rest of the group. Sipping on the sweet nectar of life in your hands you hop onto the counter beside Tony, Bucky leaning on the island across from you. 

“So, it seems like you’re the only one having to pay a fine for your actions, bro.” you make it into a joke but watch his face closely for any sign that he feels uncomfortable.

“Yeah, I get it though, I am the one with the most money and the one with the most agency to do whatever I want. So, I can’t really blame them for being a least a little frustrated with me.” You smile at his words, you wouldn’t say that they were only a little frustrated, but you weren’t going to say that to him. You sit there with your two favorite boys as Tony finishes with breakfast, helping set the table when everything was almost ready.

“Hey Jarvis,” you call out.

“Yes miss Stark.” You roll your eyes at the formal ways he addresses you.

“Could you please let anyone that is awake that breakfast is ready?”

“Absolutely miss.”

You nod satisfied as you pull some orange juice from the fridge and syrup from the pantry. You can hear voices approaching as you place them on the table. Sam and Steve walk in first, followed quickly by Nat and Clint whispering to themselves as they approach the table. Bruce slowly walks in from the lab, clearly lost in thought.  Thor is currently off-world, per the usual. Conversation ceases as everyone stuffs their faces with the food in front of them, surprised comments at Tony making such a good breakfast are made and you could see the attention going to his head but you decided to allow it this one time. 

Finishing up the food on your plate you lean against Bucky on your right, watching the people around the table as they begin to joke with each other. A sense of calm overcomes you as you allow yourself to realize that the people around you have become more of a family to you than your so-called dad ever was. Bucky looks down at you, 

“You ok little sunflower?” you look up at him and smile,

“I have never been better, my star, I have my soulmate next to me and my family around me. And for the moment I have nothing to worry about except how I’m going to spend my day.”

His smile widens at your words, pulling you closer he nuzzles his nose against the shell of your ear, 

“I think I have an idea about how to spend the day.” His voice was deeper and raspier than normal, sending a shiver down your spine as you smack his arm.

“James Barnes!” you threw your hand over your heart in mock outrage, “you kiss your soulmate with that mouth?”

“I want to kiss her elsewhere right now.” He murmurs, you just roll your eyes at him, 

“At least let me finish breakfast first, yeesh.” Bucky laughed at your reaction, kissing your temple 

“We don’t have to right now but I wouldn’t say no to later today.” shaking your head at his antics you smiled up at him, as an idea popped in your head.

“Sounds good love. Hey, wanna go to the farmers market today? We haven’t gone in such a long time.” Bucky’s smile grew at your request, he couldn’t say no to you, especially when you looked at him with those big expectant eyes.

“Of course Sunflower, let’s have a day out.” 

After eating and getting dressed, and a couple of breathtaking kisses you both headed out for the day. Bucky insisted that you go back to the Farmers Market in Brooklyn so you piled onto the back of his motorcycle. The wind and sun on your face felt amazing as he weaved his way through the traffic, this, you think, is exactly what I was missing. 

Walking towards the market you noticed Bucky glancing at some barbers as you walked past. You decided quickly to find out exactly what he was thinking about.

“Thinking about getting a haircut, handsome?” you tried to keep your tone playful as you asked. Bucky looked at you, eyes swimming with a thousand emotions.

“I am but I don't think I’m quite ready today.”

You just nodded and looped your arm through his, leading him to the market

While looking at some of the vegetables on display you decided to make a big super for everyone that night. As shity as the man you called father was, he had taught you how to cook traditional Russian meals. Mainly so that he could feel more at home, but you didn’t want to think about that right now. Right now you wanted to make a meal for your family that you remembered from your childhood. 

You quickly told Bucky about your plan, dragging him around as you found all of the ingredients you would need for the food as well as stuff to make dessert. Luckily you were able to hold all of your groceries while on the motorcycle as Bucky drove you back to the tower after spending the majority of your day galivanting around Brooklyn. Pulling into the garage below the tower Bucky helped you take everything up to the communal kitchen so that you could get started. 

You put Bucky to work as you cooked, having him peel veggies and potatoes so that you could chop them up and put them into the pot for the Borscht, a Russian vegetable soup. Also making some Kartoshka, Russian cake pops, for dessert. It took about 3 hours for you to completely finish cooking everything but you hadn’t felt so at peace in a long time. Cooking and baking had always been your escape from everything that was happening around you while at Hydra. Of course, your sexist father hadn’t minded, he enjoyed having a good little daughter that knew her place to cook for him. His duality always surprised you, he wanted you to be a typical girl while also making you into a super-soldier. You wonder how fucked up his brain had really been before your bullet went through it.

The cool feeling of Bucky’s metal arm wrapping around your stomach pulled you back to the present. Leaning into his warmth you looked up at him with a soft smile.

“Hey, lovie could you help me set the table? I need to finish this and I’ll tell Friday to let everyone know that it is ready.” Bucky left a soft kiss on your head before nodding and heading to the cabinets to grab everything.

“Hey Jarvis, could you please let everyone know that I made dinner and it’s ready?” 

“Yes, miss” 

“Thanks J, and you know that you don’t need to call me miss?”

“Yes miss.” you rolled your eyes, who knew that AIs could be so sarcastic, leave it to Tony to create one that was.

Everyone filed in, looking confused yet excited about the food on the table and absolutely shocked at Bucky’s haircut. They quickly commented on how good he looked before looking to you to explain what they were about to eat. You explained that it was a  traditional Russian meal that you had been taught to make when you were younger. You didn’t miss the misty look in Nat’s eyes when she saw what you had made. She gave you a small smile when she noticed your eyes on her. You were proud to note that she had eaten three full bowls before leaning back stuffed.

 Everyone was overly full at the end of dinner, shuffling over to the living room to watch a movie. Lord of the Rings was put on the table and you, Bucky, and Steve all looked at each other confused, you had never heard of that movie before. Everyone else looked at you in shock,

“You haven’t seen this?” Tony asked incredulously, “I mean I know you didn’t have a normal life but even I’ve seen them and I was in a type of jail for half my life.”

“Sorry, Stark but random movies weren’t high on my priority list as I tried to escape Hydra and then worked on getting my soulmate free.” The sarcasm dripped from your voice as you raised your eyebrow at him.

Tony was right, of course, the movie was amazing, you were hooked and by the end of it you couldn’t wait till you would get to watch the rest of them. But by the looks of everyone else they were ready for bed, and you could feel your eyes getting a little heavy as the credits rolled. You slowly stood, stretching out for being curled up by Bucky for the last couple of hours. He followed you to his room, since your kidnapping incident you spent more nights there than not.

Stepping through the door you were surprised to be pushed against the wall, door slamming behind Bucky as he crowded against you. His lips were rough against yours as he trapped your arms above your head and leaned his whole body against you. You couldn’t help the moan that escaped you at the feeling of him against you. Of course, he wouldn’t have forgotten your conversation and testing kisses from earlier. He pulled back panting slightly, breath fanning over your face,

“You looked so beautiful today, and then you made such amazing food that reminded me of the good things in my past. You are amazing and I feel incredibly lucky to have your mark on me.”

At his words, you couldn’t help but pull your arms from his grip and lift his shirt to kiss along his tattoo.

“You’re the one who looked distractingly good today and I’m the lucky one Buck. I don’t deserve you and your heart,” he growled at your words, not liking how self-deprecating you sounded. He lifted you easily and threw you on the bed, deciding that he would spend all night showing you exactly how much you deserve each other.

Tagged users: @calwitch @writerwrites

[pinkhairedlily]

Great Expectations

Chapter 4 of The Spring He Came Back | 4 of 12

Hinamori found herself spacing out in the middle of chores for about a month now. She would be cooking miso soup, and her mind would trail to their conversation on the hill. She would halt in front of the daffodil meadow on the way back from the market and reminisce in the midst of stalks yet to flower, counting down to the third month. She also stopped going to the library because of a growing resentment. If she didn’t bring Hitsugaya there, he wouldn’t have found the book, and he wouldn’t have left. She wondered if she had the right to feel this way, to feel like she lost a friend or a family.

The money from Hitsugaya’s generous allowance came in every end of the month through an academy representative. Baba’s refusals fell on deaf ears, but Hinamori knew she was grateful for the financial support.

True to his promise, Hitsugaya sneaked out of the academy on his third month and met Hinamori on the meadow. He saw her black tendrils flowing with the yellow petals. “Oy, Hinamori.” For a time, it would seem that the gears were running in normal shifts.

This went on for the next three years. Hinamori was given glimpses of his newfound life – of an increasing circle of friends that consisted of a noisy Rangiku, stubborn Rukia, and glutton on steroids Renji. For every encounter, their childhood memories and laidback banter on the yellow field were being replaced by tales of his experiments and model construction with Dr. Kuchiki, the culture shock to the life of the brightest, and the cutthroat competition in academia. For every encounter, he seemed more and more different, but he never let these get the best of him. After all, his silver hair was still shaped like a broomstick, and he still challenged her to watermelon eating contests.

Their meetings stopped when he had to participate in an overseas internship in Karakura. Monthly letters replaced his physical presence until there were none. Exasperated because of her growing loneliness, Baba assured her it was the natural course of things.

“As we grow older Momo, we form a lot of bonds. Some becomes the foundation of our nature and identity while others are circles at certain phases of our lives.” Baba gave her a cup of black tea with a dash of honey, her favorite brew. “There comes a point we grow out of those circles and seek the next set of bonds. The rarest of all, those bonds that accompany you forever.”

“I thought we were his family, Baba.” There was a burning feeling behind Hinamori’s eyes, and she felt a headache forming.

Baba stared at her wistfully and tucked a loose tendril behind her grandchild’s ear. “If you’re so adamant to keep those bonds, why won’t you walk beside him?”

Hinamori shook her head vehemently and slapped her palms on the table. “Baba! I will never leave you. Please stop saying that!” Some of her black tea spilled. “Besides, the academy is invitation-only, remember?”

“Momo my dearest and only, I’m almost 70. I’ve lived a good, full life so far, and I want you to live like that as well. I don’t want you shackled by your past or be burdened by taking care of me. The world is bigger than this town,” Baba chuckled to herself as she took a sip of her tea. “Besides, I have reliable neighbors who will take care of me. We have a telephone now so we can always communicate. Wondrous technology. Oh but you have to teach me.”

“Baba, stop it. The academy is not accepting low-tier students like me.”

“Oh Momo. Just throw it out there and the world will right itself.”

Baba’s wisdom never failed. When Hinamori became 15 years old, the academy opened its gates to the common folk. The complaints about accessibility and inequality probably got to the administration. Investments in the town kept pouring in, demand for residential space was increasing, the clamor to enter the academy regardless of social status eventually gained traction. While the invitation and referral arrangements still existed, the opportunities leveled through general admissions. Well, not quite. The examinations were grueling, and the interviews were tricky to answer. They asked outright for research proposals and the field of specialization one was interested in. On top of her head, Hinamori stated her concentration on terrestrial ecology. Actually, she just wanted to create perennial daffodils so their meadow would be yellow all year round, no matter the season.

Hinamori passed the screening. General admission passers were granted wider freedom but lesser privilege. They were not restricted to stay in the dorms and had normal class schedules that didn’t involve laboratory and experiments on weekends. On the downside, they were provided lesser amount of allowance (good for family of three) which Hinamori was still thankful for. They weren’t also allowed to venture into the buildings of the core members. From her initial grant, she bought a bicycle to make her trips faster and quicker across opposite end of the town. It was an unstable feeling, landing on shifting grounds, but soon enough, she found her balance.

I’m in. I’m inside the academy’s gates. It was an exhilarating feeling of great expectations and humble beginnings.

Only 100 students were admitted in the winter. Amid the flurry of post-inauguration activities, Hinamori saw the familiar silver hair sticking out like sore thumb in the middle of the crowd.

He’s not supposed to be here. He was accompanied by three people trailing behind at a safe distance. She presumed they were the three Rs – Rangiku, Rukia, Renji. On Hitsugaya’s arms was a bouquet. “Oy, Momo.”

Her cheeks were flushed red. She wished she wore her hair loose instead of a bun because it had started to snow. “Broomstick Shirou-chan.” Was he taller when she last saw him? Silly, he was gone for two years.

“I just got back from my internship in time for your inauguration.” He handed her the bouquet of bright yellow daffodils, fully blooming in winter. “Congratulations.”

“Oh, I’m still taller than you,” Hinamori blurted out. “Oops. It was supposed to be a personal observation.”

“You know what, give me back the bouquet.”

“But it’s true! You probably still have the same height!”

“Momo, give me the bouquet back.”

“Won’t.” They both laughed it off, unaware of stealing glances from his company.

“Oooh is she the one you’re always writing letters to, Hitsugaya?” the blond-haired girl asked. “How sweet! Childhood sweethearts!”

“Shut up, Rangiku!”

“Oh no, we’re truly not-“ Hinamori started, but she was immediately cut off.

“Childhood sweethearts?!” the red-haired one yelled. “You mean to tell me this was fate? Wow, I’m so jealous.”

“I’m literally right here, Abarai.” The black-haired kid who was almost the same height as Hitsugaya was probably the least intense of the group. “I’m Kuchiki Rukia, by the way.”

Well, her surname certainly is, Hinamori thought. “I’m Hinamori Momo, Shirou-chan’s childhood friend.”

“Shirou-chan?!” They collectively egged him on, laughing at his clear embarrassment.

“Momo, stop using that nickname!”

Hinamori inhaled the clear scent of pine and camphor trees, reminding her of Baba cozy with her stacked fireplace and of stored jams in their pantry. She can’t wait to tell her Hitsugaya’s back. With the mended symbol of their bond on the crook of her arm, she entered the new phase of her life. Shifting grounds and great expectations.

-------

“Please greet Dr. Sousuke Aizen. He’s one of the foremost molecular biologists outside of Soul, and we are privileged to have him teach here. He will be your professor for biology. Keep in mind that you are arranged by your specialization, and he will be your mentor until you graduate in the academy,” Dr. Unohana, the academy director, announced to a class of fifteen.

Hinamori already outlined ten distinct thesis proposals in her first week. She made headstart on her readings too, already halfway on their given references for the year. If she was going to reunite fully with her friend, she needed to be a core member, and she will work hard for it.

Then, the name finally registered in her mind. Sousuke Aizen. The author of the most recent book she borrowed from the library which was also her inspiration for her thesis topics. She was engrossed with his theories, his writing style, and argumentations that she borrowed all his related books. If she was a radiologist, he was her Marie Curie. Sousuke Aizen was her teacher.

He had a magnetic presence, demanding all eyes on him. It was difficult not to notice him with his broad figure and soft tussle of dark brown hair. If eyes could smile, then he had those, albeit hidden behind square-shaped spectacles. His authoritative stance and the emanating kind disposition were confusing and difficult to compromise.

What an interesting person. Hinamori thought herself perceptive of people’s personalities based on her first impressions with them. That wasn’t successful with Hitsugaya though.

“So, should we start, or would you like me to immediately dismiss?”

It also perked up her interest that he was comfortable enough to teach without a lesson plan in hand or books. He would just talk conversationally with his students and still cover a multitude of topics. He wasn’t the stiff professor that Dr. Kuchiki was. Her classmates would seek him out after classes, asking him to join their group dinners. When she attended once, he noticed she wasn’t talking.

“Hinamori, are you still uncomfortable with your new learning setting?” Dr. Aizen asked. He gestured to refill her now empty teacup, and she obliged him with a nod. “I’ve heard you mostly got your knowledge from reading. Impressive.”

She blushed at the compliment. “I try to do my best, Dr. Aizen.”

He placed his cheek on his hand and stared at her. “You know, I also came from a rural area. Made it hard for me to mingle with the central town brats.”

Brats. She laughed at this sudden connection. “I’m also trying on that area, Sir. I made friends, but they’re on the other side of building.” Was it safe to share that?

“Oh, you have friends from the core Soul group? Fascinating. That means you’re really interesting Hinamori.” He smiled at her, tapping the empty tea pot. “You can talk to me anytime. My office is open for any concerns, academic or otherwise. I want you to know I can be on your friend list.”

The fact that he related to her situation made her happy. A renowned professor with the same roots as her still managed to get to the top. She felt seen. By the end of the semester, Hinamori volunteered to be his research assistant.

NEXT CHAPTER | 5 OF 12 | WANTING VALIDATIONS

[authenticcadence18]

Can’t Help Falling in Love Ch. 1

so uhhhhhhhhhhh.......i’m writing a Phinabella fic 😬

AO3

...

Phineas and Isabella are assigned the same song for their final project in their music appreciation class, and they have to work together to deliver a presentation based on it. They've been collaborating on projects together for their entire lives, so it should be easy, right?

Well. There's just one teeeeeeeeny problem. Their song is a love song.

This is a problem for Isabella because, despite her best efforts, she hasn't been able to let go of her feelings for Phineas.

And this is a problem for Phineas because he can barely be around Isabella without blushing and thinking about how wonderful she is.

Alas....the show must go on.

...

(story below the cut! also this fic is canon divergent and takes place a few months before “Act Your Age” would have. so...yeah!) 

Wise men say, only fools rush in.

But I can’t help falling in love with you.

...

“Alright, class!!! As you know, summer is fast approaching...and for some of you, it will be your last summer before moving on to the next chapters of your lives! To finish off the year, I thought I’d make your final project fun! ...you know, before we go into ‘state-mandated final exam preparation’ mode.”

Ms. Chase--Danville High’s resident teacher of all things musical--looked around the classroom at her students, most of whom didn’t look too convinced at said final project being “fun” at all.

“You’re all going to be given a song to deliver a performance of! This performance can be live or recorded, and you can make a visual interpretation of the song if you’d rather not sing or play in front of the class. The most important part of the project is that you demonstrate an understanding of the meaning of the piece you are assigned.

“And also, there’s a short essay involved.”

The entire class groaned at that.

“Hey now, I’m just following orders from upper management!” Ms. Chase insisted. “And besides! You won’t have to write the essays by yourself, you’ll all have a partner to help you!

“....oh, did I fail to mention that this is a group project? Because THIS IS A GROUP PROJECT!!!”

This elicited another groan from the students.

“Oh come on! You get to pick your partners!”

She gestured to two buckets on either side of the classroom.

“Well….sort of. There are 24 of you, and each bucket contains twelve songs. I’ll divide you in half, everyone will pick a song, and then you’ll go around the classroom to find who has the same song as you. They’ll be your partner!!”

A student raised her hand.

“Yes, Adyson?”

“No offense, Ms. Chase, but isn’t this entire process unnecessarily complicated? We’re already divided into groups of two. Why can’t we just choose a song we’ve covered over the semester and do the project with our desk partners?”

Ms. Chase smiled at her student. “Excellent question, Adyson! Normally I would let you choose your own songs and partners...but this time around, I want to take all of you out of your comfort zones. You’re about to enter the real world as adults!! Hopefully, this little project helps you learn it can be fun to think outside the box and collaborate with people you wouldn’t normally.”

She considered these words for a moment before shrugging and continuing, “Or, you might learn that sometimes you have to work with people you don’t like to succeed in life. That’s a valid lesson too.”

A few students chuckled at that.

“Alright, left side of the room, over here! Right side, over there! Choose your songs and find your partners!!!” Ms. Chase gestured to buckets on either side of the room. “And once you find them, find a table and have a seat!! They’ll be your new desk partners for the rest of the semester.”

...

“Well, at least I tried…” Adyson muttered as she stood from the table she and Isabella shared. “Sorry we don’t get to work together.”

“It was a good effort!” Isabella replied encouragingly as they crossed the classroom. “But you know how Ms. Chase is...once she gets an idea, no matter how elaborate or wild it may seem, she has to see it through!”

“Sounds familiar,” Adyson noted with a smirk and a pointed glance at a certain boy standing across the room near the opposite bucket.

Isabella followed Adyson’s gaze. The gears in her head whirred for a second, and then the meaning of her statement sunk in.  “...shut up, Adyson….” she grumbled with a frown, face flushing against her will.

...oh gosh. Was he looking at her?? Was he waving at her????

….why did he have to be so CUTE.

Isabella offered a forced smile in his direction and willed her heart to slow down as she looked away and continued after Adyson.

Upon reaching the bucket, Adyson dug around for a bit before withdrawing a sheet of paper. “Hey, I got ‘I’m Lindana and I Wanna Have Fun’’!! I love this song!!” she exclaimed happily as Isabella picked her own. “What did you get, Isabella?”

Isabella unfolded the slip of paper she’d taken from the hat...and her stomach dropped.

“...you’ve got to be kidding me.”

...

“So what songs do you think we’ll get, Phineas?”

“I’m not sure, Irving! We’ll just have to draw our songs and find out, huh?”

The bespectacled boy at Phineas’s side let out a dejected sigh. “Yeah….I wish WE could be partners….”

Though he’d never admit it, Phineas himself was rather relieved for the parameters of this particular project’s partner selection system. He liked Irving well enough, but after spending an entire semester sitting next to him in this music appreciation class (and several summers hanging out with him on occasion), he was more than ready for a bit of space from this particular friend.

Besides, there was someone else Phineas would rather be paired with instead…

His gaze subconsciously flickered across the room to a certain girl with a bow in her hair.

For a second, their eyes met because SHE WAS ALREADY LOOKING AT HIM.

Phineas managed to wave awkwardly in her direction without falling over.

She smiled back. Also awkwardly.

Adorably awkwardly.

“Whatcha lookin at?” Irving asked, glancing over Phineas’s shoulder.

“NOTHING!!!” Phineas blurted out, sharply turning his head the other way and willing his face to PLEASE STOP BLUSHING BEFORE ISABELLA NOTICED because WHAT IF SHE WAS STILL LOOKING AT HIM??  “I’m not looking at...nothing!!! Let’s just, uh…”

He flew at the bucket and thrust his hand in, pulling out the first song he grasped.

“Let’s just pick our songs!!!!”

Phineas unfolded the piece of paper in his hands, ready for the sense of relief that would swirl around him once he had a song and a creative vision in his mind.

….but the song he’d chosen didn’t bring any relief. If anything, it made the amount of butterflies currently fluttering around in his stomach increase tenfold.

“......oh boy.”

...

“Let me see!! Let me see!!!”

Isabella passed the scrap of paper to Adyson without a word, face blank. Adyson squinted at it before bursting into laughter.

“Adyson!!!!” Isabella hissed. “This isn’t funny!!! I don’t want to sing a love song!! Not in front of the whole class!! And certainly not in front of…”

She bit her lip.

“...well, you know!!!”

Adyson just rolled her eyes. “Oh come on, Isabella. It isn’t as if you haven’t sung love songs in front of him in the past!!”

“...that’s the problem…” Isabella muttered, putting out a facade of irritability to hide the very real hurt growing in her chest.

Isabella had spent literal YEARS distancing her heart from her feelings for Phineas. Liking him and trying day in and day out to communicate her feelings to him with no success eventually became too painful to bear. Thus, she’d boarded up all those messy emotions and poured her efforts into school and work instead. She even intentionally went out of her way to avoid listening to any songs with romantic connotations (happy or sad), because they always reminded her of HIM.

So how was she supposed to stand in front of a classroom and deliver an authentic performance of a love song while he watched without thinking about him and the feelings she still harbored for him despite everything and how wonderful he was and….

“...maybe my partner will want to make a video instead…” she muttered quietly.

Adyson glanced at her friend and blanched when she noticed her downtrodden expression. “Oh gosh, please don’t get sad!!” she said quickly, placing a hand on Isabella’s shoulder. “I’m sorry…I shouldn’t have teased you. ...do you want to trade songs?”

Isabella sniffled and shook her head. “No, no, it’s okay...I need to do this. Maybe it will be therapeutic, in a way.

“And I don’t want to take your song away from you. You go have fun, girl!”

...

“What song did you get?” Irving asked, trying to sneak a peek at Phineas’s paper.

“Oh, just an Elvis song!” Phineas replied quickly.

He wasn’t particularly eager to discuss his song with Irving. Irving liked to talk.

More specifically, Irving liked to talk about HIM.

And Phineas didn’t want him discussing the fact that he was singing a love song to a class full of people that seemed to be all too aware of his own unrequited feelings for a certain classmate among them.

“What about you?” Phineas asked, eager to change the subject. “What song did you get?”

“I don’t know!!” Irving grasped a song from the bucket and unfolded it. His eyebrows furrowed. “...‘I’m Lindana and I Wanna Have Fun’? I think my MOM likes this song.”

“Hey, that’s a great song!!” Phineas said with a smile. He looked to the left and the right, feigning secrecy, before whispering,  “...MY mom IS Lindana, you know….”

Irving’s eyes widened. “WHAT????? ...HOW DID I NOT KNOW THAT???”

Phineas let out an inaudible sigh of relief as Irving’s gleeful smile grew wider and wider.

He suspected his own song was far from Irving’s thoughts at the moment.

“Well, I’m gonna go figure out who my partner is,” Phineas said. “Have fun! And if you want to talk to my mom about being Lindana at any point, I’m sure she’d love to chat with you and your partner!”

He left Irving hyperventilating excitedly in the corner.

Now to unpack the thoughts swirling around in his own head.

Phineas had to present a love song to the class.

And not just any love song.

A love song that hit a little too close to home concerning Phineas’s own love life…or lack thereof.

...it wasn’t like he’d WANTED to realize the fluttery, weightless way Isabella had always made him feel was in fact NOT normal and NOT how everyone felt around her.

Especially right before they started high school.

He didn’t ASK to turn into a blushing, stuttering mess whenever he saw her or even thought about her from that point on (which wasn’t as often as he would have liked...they’d seemed to drift apart JUST as he figured out his own feelings for her).

But Phineas couldn’t help it.

Isabella was just...so amazing.

How could he NOT be in love with her?

...and more pressingly, how was he supposed to discuss such a song with whoever his partner ended up being AND sing said song in front of their classmates without thinking of Isabella and dissolving into a blushy mess?

...

“...what song did you get, Ginger?”

“‘Chop Away At My Heart!’ I’m kinda surprised Ms. Chase even assigned this song, since it’s way more modern than what I was expecting. I’m not complaining though! Baljeet is obsessed with it, so I already know all the words!”

“That’s good!!”

“What song did you get?”

“Oh uh…..you know what, why don’t you just read the title for yourself?”

“....oh wow......have fun with that.”

...

“Hey, Phineas, what song are you doing?”

“Oh, it’s an Elvis song.”

“Nice! I have a Love Handel song.”

“Oh cool! Those guys are awesome.”

“Oh yeah, you’ve met them before, right?”

“Yup!! My siblings and I got them back together for our parents anniversary when we were kids. It was pretty cool. And then one time we helped them out by finding Klimpaloon to prove one of their songs was factual…”

“So awesome!! You know, I can’t wait to see your presentation! I’m sure it will be amazing, just like everything else you’ve made!”

“Oh, uh, yeah… I’m sure it’ll be great. I can’t wait to see yours!”

...

Gradually, pairs of students began forming as they matched songs with one another and took their seats to start brainstorming for their projects.

It eventually got to the point where only a few students remained searching for their partners.

Two of said students were, of course, Phineas and Isabella.

For the past ten minutes or so, they’d both done a remarkably effective job of avoiding one another. Isabella wanted to prolong the inevitable reality of presenting a love song in front of Phineas for as long as she dared, and Phineas didn’t trust himself to be able to casually discuss his song with Isabella without blushing as red as his hair.

They’d been so busy avoiding each other, in fact, that they didn’t realize neither of them had partners yet...until suddenly they were the only students left standing.

Isabella hadn’t considered this scenario. There were 23 other students in the class, and 11 other students besides Phineas choosing out of the other bucket. Statistically speaking, she’d had a pretty low chance of being partnered with him.

And EMOTIONALLY speaking, her brain had apparently refused to consider this scenario...the one where Phineas was the only student left standing...the one where Phineas clutched his piece of paper tightly to his chest, as if he didn’t want anyone else to see it...the one where he looked at her with an expression she couldn’t quite decipher but nonetheless made her head spin a little…

...the one where Isabella would almost CERTAINLY be forced to confront her feelings head-on for the first time in years.

In retrospect, she supposed she shouldn’t be surprised.

Isabella had always had interesting luck when it came to Phineas.

Phineas couldn’t move. Isabella was the only other student still standing, still looking for her partner, and he couldn’t move. His feet were stuck to the ground, as if he’d worn his heavy-duty steel-tipped sneakers by mistake today.

But he hadn’t worn his heavy-duty steel-tipped sneakers by mistake today.

The only thing keeping him glued to the ground was fear. And nervousness. And disbelief. And maybe a little bit of awe because was Isabella wearing a new bow today? It was pretty. She was pretty.

….Ok. So more than just fear was keeping him glued to the ground.

The thoughts in Phineas’s head were loud, far louder than any discussions his classmates might have been having with one another.

He was going to have to sing a love song with Isabella. He was going to have to discuss said song’s inherent romantic themes with Isabella. He was going to have to spend a lot of time in the next few weeks hanging out with Isabella.

A spark of clarity, of longing, emerged from that last thought.

He was going to get to spend a lot of time in the next few weeks hanging out with Isabella.

….he missed spending time with Isabella.

This realization gave Phineas the strength to finally lift his feet from the ground and walk towards his partner. She didn’t move as he approached: rather, she just gazed at him with an expression he couldn’t quite decipher.

If Phineas hadn’t known any better, he would’ve thought she was stuck just like he had been. He might have even let his heart flutter a bit.  

(But Phineas knew better. Isabella had no reason to be stuck. He was the lovestruck one here. Not her.)

“So uh...I guess we’re partners, huh?” Phineas voiced as he came to a stop at Isabella’s side. “ Keep it cool ,” he thought sternly. “ Isabella is your friend and you want to spend time with her and need to discuss the project with her. That’s it. No blushing. No stammering. Don’t think about how cute she looks. Don’t think about the lyrics of the song you’re presenting together. You’re just hanging out. Keep it together .”

Isabella managed a dry chuckle. “It appears so,” she replied. “Should we check our songs, just in case?”

Maybe there’d been some sort of mix up?

“Uh...yeah, I guess so,” Phineas replied hesitantly. He suddenly didn’t want to show her the scrap of paper clutched in his hands...though he knew it was irrational, he felt that showing her would be as revealing as a confession of his feelings, as if she could read his mind just by reading the title of the song he’d--no, they’d--been assigned.

“ It’s just a song… ” he assured himself as he opened his hands to reveal the paper inside.

...but it wasn’t really just a song.

“Here.” Isabella held her scrap out to Phineas as she accepted his.

Deep down, before they even confirmed the fact, they both knew there hadn’t been a mix-up with the papers. There were no other students standing, so there was no reason for them not to have been assigned the same song.

(And obviously they’d been assigned the same song...because if they hadn’t, this wouldn’t be much of a story, would it?)

“Ah, I see Isabella and Phineas are our last pair of partners!” Ms. Chase exclaimed, causing both of them to start. “What song did you guys get?”

Phineas and Isabella’s eyes met, and though there was no way, NO WAY, the other understood how they were feeling in this moment, there was a sense of solidarity...and maybe something more...in their gazes.

They could do this.

“....we got ‘‘Can’t Help Falling In Love’.”

...

Thank you sm for reading!!! This is probably the most self-indulgent thing I've ever posted, so the fact that you are reading it at all means the world to me🥰. (Writing Phinabella fic is how I got started writing fanfiction, but this is the first one I've ever posted so...it's a little nerve-wracking, haha!)

I will be posting more soon!!! I have the gist of the story planned out (and parts of a later scene already written 😶), now I just need to write it!

Also THANK YOU @youruinedmylifebynotbeingreal for being my beta, even though you don’t know much about this fandom, and for being so encouraging!!! :))))

[orangeoctopi7]

Gloves VS Mittens

@forduary Week one is Creation/Destruction. This fic is definitely on the Creation side of things.

For most people, it’s just a matter of preference. But for Stanford, just having a choice at all was something he rarely had...

***

When Ford was four years old, he first started taking notice of the fact that his hands were not normal. It started with a Hanukkah gift from a distant aunt: a pair of gloves for Stan, and a pair of mittens for himself. The two of them were so used to getting the exact same of everything that it immediately struck them as odd.

"Hey Dad, how come mine are different?" Ford asked.

"Because they don't make six-fingered gloves." Filbrick grunted.

"Why not?"

"Because normal people don't have six fingers. Haven't you noticed?"

Caryn smacked her husband with her magazine. "Dear!"

"What? If he hasn't already figured it out--"

"He's four, Filbrick."

"He's gonna have to know sooner or later! Coddling him ain't doin' him any favors. The world's not kind to what's different, so we may as well prepare him now!"

"I'm not… normal?" Ford asked his parents. He wasn't quite sure what to do with this information.

"Nope." Filbrick replied bluntly.

"Oh who wants to be normal, anyway? Normal's boring. You're special." Caryn took her son into her arms and kissed his forehead. “Now go outside and play with your brother."

While Stanford took his mother's words to heart, he soon found that being special had little to no practical benefits. Sure, it was nice to have something of his own for once, but Ford soon realized that while Stanley could use his mittens if he wanted, Ford couldn't use his brother's gloves. Not that Stan would ever want to use the mittens. They limited his dexterity to the point where it was hard to make a snowball, or even do something as simple as point.

"It's not fair!" He complained to Stan as he struggled to draw a face on the snowman they were working on. "It's like trying to do everything with a sock puppet on each hand!"

"It can't be all bad." Stan reasoned. "Plenty of people wear mittens, right?" 

"I guess so…" Ford remembered quite a few Christmas decorations with people wearing mittens, and he'd seen a few wearing them out and about the city.

Stan grabbed one hand and held it up, looking at it more closely. "I bet all your fingers are warmer, bundled together like that!"

"But it's hard to zip up my coat, so I get cold anyway." Ford mumbled.

"I'll help you zip it up!" Stan promised.

***

As the years passed, Stanford found another advantage to wearing mittens: nobody could tell he was a freak if they couldn't see his extra fingers. Sure, it didn't fool the people who already knew him, but it was nice to be able to pretend he was normal when they went up to New York City to go shopping. 

As for the dexterity problem, most of the time he'd just have to ask Stanley to do whatever it was for him. If he got tired of that, or if it simply wasn't an option (like during a snowball fight between the two brothers) he'd just take his mittens off. Sure, it was icy cold, and Ma always scolded him if she caught him, but that was a small price to pay for a good snowball.

Ford found he didn't mind wearing mittens all the time, until he started highschool chemistry class.

***

Ford was so excited to start his first real chemistry lab. He'd been doing his own chemical experiments with a chemistry set he got for his birthday when he turned 12, but the school chemistry lab had so much more to offer him! Actual Bunsen burners, more than one beaker and three test tubes, and best of all-- a variety of chemicals much wider than what he could find in his family home!

"Now, before we start, I'm going to go around and make sure everyone has all their safety equipment on properly. Make sure you've got your goggles on over your eyes not your forehead, and your gloves on your hands not in your pocket." Their teacher, an easily distracted middle-aged man, made his way around the room, checking each group. "Oh, right…" he paused when he came to the Pines twins. Stan had on his gloves and goggles (onto which he had drawn googly eyes with a wet-erase marker). Ford had on his goggles, but…

"I don't need gloves." Ford insisted. "I've never used them with my chemistry set at home."

"Yeah!" Stan agreed, "We took apart a car battery one time and didn't get any chemical burns!"

The teacher blanched at this revelation, and he opened up a supply closet at the back of the room. After some digging, he pulled out a pair of sturdy work gloves that looked like they were meant for a giant.

"Here," he tossed them to Ford, "These should be big enough. You'll just have to fit two fingers into one hole."

Ford grumbled as he pulled the gloves on. After some experimentation he found that sticking his second and third fingers together was the least uncomfortable arrangement, but the glove was still too bulky and awkward. He kept on pouring too much acid into the solution and completely missing the titration point. 

Relying on Stan to do it didn't yield much better results, as his brother was too impatient, and kept on pouring the acid too fast, once again missing the titration point. Finally, when the teacher was distracted by other students, Ford just took the gloves off. Then he got it first try.

This ended up being the pattern for Ford's chemistry labs throughout the rest of his highschool years. Fumble through the lab until the teacher's back was turned, and then strip the oversized gloves off. He was extra careful, and never got anything on him that could do any real harm. One time he did get a bit of copper nitrate on his skin, but all that it did was make his hands dry and itchy.

***

When Ford started college at Backupsmore University, he quickly realized he wouldn't be able to just pull an awkwardly large glove off when the teacher wasn't looking. The class size was much too small. What's more the TA overseeing their lab, a young man by the name of McGucket, was clearly a sharp and observant individual.

"Hmm, obviously this ain't gonna work." He observed as he passed out supplies to Ford's table. "I think y'should be fine fer now, we're only working with acetic acid today, but that ain't gonna be the case fer the whole semester. You got a free hour after lab?"

"Y-yes." 

"Great! Meet me in the Grad-lab, we'll make ya a special custom pair!"

"What--really!?"

"Sure! We don't want you messin' around in the chem lab with no gloves on, but messin' around with gloves that don't fit right is even worse!"

Ford finished his first lab with no trouble. In fact, he finished early, so he cleaned up his things and headed to the Grad-lab, just down the hall from his own classroom, and waited. All the graduate students there ignored him, too caught up in their own studies to even notice a lowly undergrad.

After several minutes, McGucket entered. "Alright, this is gonna take a while, you sure you got time?"

"This is my last class of the day."

"Perfect. Now come over here and we'll get started." The grad student led Ford back to a table with many five-gallon buckets. He pried the lid off of one, revealing its dark blue, slimy contents. "This here's the silicone-rubber I use t'make molds fer my machine parts. If'n ya jus' stick yer hand in here and let it gel, it should make a nice glove, like a second skin!"

"You want me to stick my hand… in that?" Ford asked incredulously.

"Pshaw, it ain't that bad!" McGucket assured him. "It's like… well, y'ever stuck her hand in pig slop?"

"No." Ford said slowly, his eye twitching just a bit at the thought.

"Oh, well nevermind then. I guess you can jus' drop outta chemistry 112"

Ford sighed and plunged his hands down into the bucket. It was pretty gross, but he got used to the slimy sensation after a few minutes. He slowly pulled his hands out, letting the viscous fluid slide off his fingers. 

"How long does this take to dry?"

"Gel." McGucket corrected. "First layer'll probably take 'bout half an hour. It goes faster if'n ya use a settin' spray, bit that tends t'irritate the skin."

"First layer? How many layers will it take?"

"Only two. Ya want it thick 'nuff it'll protect yer skin, but thin 'nuff that it's flexible an’ peels off easy."

"So I'm just supposed to stand here for a whole hour? What am I supposed to do for all this time? I-I've got homework!"

"Well, I'll pull ya up a chair." McGucket rolled over a chair for him and opened his backpack. "An' maybe I can help ya with yer homework."

They sat there for an hour, McGucket reading Ford's textbooks and Ford asking questions about the material. The grad student was impressed with the workload this freshman had taken on.

"I wanted to go to West Coast Tech, but that didn't work out." Ford explained bitterly. "So I'm going to have to work twice as hard to be taken seriously by the scientific community."

"Believe me, I know the feelin'." McGucket nodded. "Most folks don't take a roboticist from the Tennessee hills seriously either. But there's some perks to attendin' a smaller University. The dean lets us do whatever we want! I've built lots o' robots I never woulda gotten away with at MIT."

"I suppose that's true." Ford admitted. "I'm interested in anomalies and cryptozoology. At West Coast Tech, I probably wouldn't be able to study those."

The hour passed more quickly than Ford expected. When he pulled the gloves off, they turned inside out, showing all the wrinkles and ridges of his skin in relief. He liked it. It was much more personal than some disposable pair.

“I’m sorry for complaining so much at the start. What you’ve done for me is incredibly generous. Thank you.” Ford said sincerely.

“Think nothin’ of it!” McGucket assured him with a friendly smile. “Can’t ‘spect you to go through the whole class without proper gloves.”

“No, really, you don’t know how much this means to me.”

“Well, I s’pose not. But I imagine ya don’t get somethin’ as simple as a pair o’ gloves offen.”

“N-no.” Ford instinctively hid his hand behind his back.

“Well now, ain’t nothin’ to hide!” McGucket elbowed him. “You could have two heads, fer all I care, with how well you un’erstand superconductors!” He waved goodbye as they exited the lab. “See ya in class on Wednesday!”

Ford found he gained more than just a new pair of gloves that day.

***

The custom gloves were nice, but they didn’t last more than a couple of months before they needed to be replaced again. He spent a lot of time in the Grad-lab talking to Fiddleford over the next few years. By the time graduation rolled around, Ford had learned to make the silicone-rubber compound himself. It was something he continued to use as he moved out to Gravity Falls. Being able to make his own gloves was so convenient! After all these years of being stuck with ill-fitting gloves, or no gloves at all, he’d never really realized how useful they were. And now he could have them whenever he wanted! As time went by, he improved upon the original silicone-rubber formula, making the gloves more durable and long-lasting. 

As he got used to wearing gloves while he worked, the fact that he didn’t have winter gloves became more and more annoying. It was easy to ignore at Backusmore, where it rarely snowed and stayed warm for most of the year. But Oregon was farther north, and Gravity Falls was in the middle of the temperate rainforest. It snowed all winter long. It was so frustrating when he encountered an anomaly out in the snow and couldn’t hold his pen properly to take notes in his journal, either because of his mittens, or because his hands were too cold and numb from not wearing his mittens.

Oh well. As irritating as it was, he was used to it by now.

***

Out in the multiverse, just finding something to keep himself warm at all could be a struggle. Many of the dimensions he visited didn’t have human inhabitants, so finding something to wear on his hands at all was an impossible ask. Ford learned to wrap strips of cloth around his hands and fingers to keep them warm. It worked pretty well, although it took a lot longer to wrap the cloth in such a way that he could still move his fingers individually than it would to simply slip on a glove.

Of course, sometimes he got lucky. When he became ruler of the Finger Dimension, for instance, the people had made him a pair of silk, fur-lined gloves. They were very nice, but obviously more for fashion rather than function. He ended up trading them away for some tools shortly after he was banished by the Finger Dimension’s new ruler. 

But Stanford had bigger things to worry about than the comfort of his hands in his interdimensional travels. 

***

Stanley found the gloves while he was digging around the portal’s control console, looking for any clues as to how to get the thing working again. It was like a punch to the gut, but really, finding anything of Ford’s was like a punch to the gut. Stan still remembered that first Hanukkah when he’d gotten a pair of gloves, and Ford got a pair of mittens. He still remembered all the awkward times in their chemistry class where he’d had to do all the fine measurements even though he was terrible at it, until the teacher looked away long enough for Ford to take the oversized gloves off. He was glad his brother had finally found a way to get his own pair of work gloves.

His mind wandered, unbidden, to the fact that his brother was now lost… somewhere… without them. Without a lot of things he needed. Stan pulled on the gloves and made a fist, watching the extra pinky sleeve flop uselessly. He grimaced. Right. Back to work.

***

When Ford turned sixty-four, he was used to wearing mittens. He’d long ago accepted that the winter months came with a loss of dexterity, and honestly, over the past nine months of sailing through arctic waters, he’d been fine. He knew Stan had his back when he couldn’t properly wrap a finger around his blaster’s trigger. And when he knew he was going to need his blaster, he just didn’t wear them. He hadn’t gotten frostbite yet. In the middle of June, it wasn’t even worth worrying about. He wouldn’t even be thinking about it right now if it wasn’t for the birthday gift his niece had just given him.

“I noticed you weren’t wearing your mittens in a lot of the photos you sent us.” Mabel explained. “And I figured you probably have to use all your fingers for boat stuff, like tying knots, or signaling merpeople! So I made you these!” She handed him a pair of hand-knitted gloves, made up of a mix of red, blue, and  green yarn.

“I wanted to send you some while you were still sailing, but I’d never knitted gloves before, so it took me a while to figure it out.”

“She went through a lot of yarn the last few months.” Dipper agreed. “Like, even more than usual.”

Ford slipped them on. They were a perfect fit.

“How…?”

Stan suddenly started whistling for no reason. Ford shot him a knowing look.

“What? Don’t look at me like that! So maybe I kept an old pair of your gloves while I was workin’ on the portal. Not for, like, sentimental reasons or anything. Good work gloves aren’t cheap! And it’s a good thing I did keep ‘em, they were the perfect model for Mabel. I just had to tell Soos where I left ‘em and asked him to send ‘em to her.”

“I-I don’t know what to say.” Ford’s voice wavered with emotion. "This is-- the fact that you put in all that time and effort, just for me-- and such a thoughtful gift! I-I've never really had a pair of winter gloves before… well, except for that pair from the Finger Dimension, and those were more ceremonial than anything else."

"So you like them?" Mabel asked, eyes bright.

"I absolutely love them. They're perfect!" He hugged her. "Thank you!" He turned to Stan. "Thank both of you!"

"Eh, I didn't do anything." Stan rubbed the back of his neck, embarrassed.

"You provided the model. I have you to thank for the fact that they fit so well."

"I have an idea, if you want to test them out now." Dipper suggested. "Remember that snow spell we tested out last week?"

"Oh, right! Great idea, my boy!"

"Yeah, just test it outside this time, so Soos doesn't have to mop up after you again." Stan advised.

[houseofglass]

Some thoughts on The Stand, 2021 version on Amazon Prime. There’s spoilers, but dammit the book was released ages ago so buckle up.

I haven’t finished the series yet, I have two episodes left. But this was burning my fingertips so I had to type it out.

I read The Stand by Stephen King back in the late ‘80′s. It was released in 1978 and re-released somewhere around 1990 as an ‘uncut’ edition. The editor had decided to trim the book so it could sell better. My mom looked at the uncut version and said, “If the editor cut 150,000 words, there’s probably a reason.” I agreed with her - Stephen King’s best work was his novellas, not his long novels.

A television series was released in 1994. I thought it was earlier because the character Randall Flagg has a mullet, but nope, IMDB tells me that the above date is correct.

I remember most of the details of the book and series, although the series helped me to see the final battle properly. King didn’t describe it in a way I could understand at all and was confused until the show came out. I felt similar when reading The Handmaid’s Tale. I had no idea what the costume looked like and those hats were nothing like what I imaged from Atwood’s work. I try to keep these examples in mind while writing my own novel.

So when this new iteration of The Stand appeared on my radar, I made a point of watching it. But, alas, there are some problems.

1. Nadine must remain a virgin until she can meet up with Randall. Really? It’s 2021. A person’s virtue is not determined by the use of equipment between their legs. How does remaining a virgin make someone virtuous? Why is she allowed to participate in any other sexual act but not penetration? And why does this only apply to women? Is a man’s virtue intact if he doesn’t insert his penis into someone? No! Why? This also tangles the issue of nonbinary people. What if a woman has a penis but hasn’t used it? Is she virtuous? If a man with a vagina hasn’t used the equipment, is he virtuous? Does this stem from the ancient, outdated idea that people with penises masturbate because they ‘can’t help it’ and people with vaginas don’t because they ‘can help it’?

This might have been okay in 1978, but that was 43 years ago. I need to pause here and clutch my aging heart because I can remember 1978. Whew! Okay. 

This virtue bit is core to the show because Nadine must carry Randall’s child. But I feel like this could’ve been tweaked to better represent the times. Especially since the book takes place in the future, not present.

2. Las Vegas features rampant sex. This, in and of itself, doesn’t bother me. I’ve watched Netflix and HBO. I’ve seen sex, both integral to the plot and gratuitous. What bothered me was twofold:

A) The sex featured was public (in a nightclub, but still public) and people wore what could be described as BDSM gear. Lots of belts, black leather, fishnet stockings, lingerie, that kind of thing. This bothered me because they’re portraying ‘nightclub sex’ as something that ‘sinners’ do.

These people are in Las Vegas, on Randall’s side, therefore are the antagonists to the plot. Randall represents the Devil, where Mother Abigail in Boulder represents God. So people who enjoy public sex in a safe environment are sinners? In 2021? Similar question, so people who enjoy BDSM are sinners? In 2021?

B) The implication that if this kind of sex is allowed in Las Vegas, it wouldn’t be in Boulder. There, people have ‘vanilla’ sex, right? Not much is featured, but what is (or what I noticed) was hetero sex. I don’t recall seeing any poly couples in Boulder, or same-sex couples there. Why not? If they are there, why aren’t they more obvious? I tend to notice and am thrilled whenever I see nonbinary people in relationships or two men holding hands, but I didn’t notice it in Boulder.

3. There's a whole lotta white people. Other skin tones were sprinkled in, but not in the quantity I’ve become accustomed to. Since the diversity rider appeared for Canadian shows, I’ve noticed a much wider range of actors and it’s been delightful. I love seeing a First Nations person played by a First Nations actor. I love that I’m shown wonderful hairstyles for kinky hair. I love the intermingling of skin tones in relationships. This has become so normal to me that when there’s too many white people I notice, and not in a good way.

Here’s a sticky point to consider too: if I can’t see the difference in tones because the overall filming filter makes everyone look similar, this is a bad thing.

The main cast of characters is fairly diverse, but the background extras are not. Are they trying to convey the idea that mostly white people survived this plague? That would be insane. If I strain my brain I can recall some extras being on the lighter side of dark tones, but why should I have to strain to remember that? And if my mind is remembering the sea of whiteness, why? Because I’ve set my brain to glance at the background to ensure there’s a nicely diverse crowd, that’s why.

4. The religious aspect is troublesome. Yes, I’m aware that the book was written with religion in mind. The whole story is good vs evil shown by God vs Devil using humanity. I get that. But the Christianity irked me. I’m not religious, but I do know there are more religions out there besides Christianity. None are represented, that I could see. Instead, these characters dream of Randall or Abigail and go to where they feel the greatest pull. Good people go to Abigail, bad people to Randall. And yes, this was fairly well represented by having selfish people go to Randall and those who want a community go to Abigail.

But this is also a problem. No matter how good or bad you are (or think you are), you can change. You can decide to be different. This show pigeonholes people in a way that rankled me, with the one exception of a main character, Harold. He didn’t dream of either person, and was neither good nor bad. He just hadn’t found ‘his people’. I could identify with this facet of his personality because I know my behaviour is weird for some and not normal enough for others. It’s been difficult, trying to fit in to workplaces and friend groups, and is a measure of my neurodiversity and mental illness.

So here’s Harold, trying to be good, but has had a lifetime of not fitting in and not being included. He’s tried and failed. His behaviour is shown as someone who ‘just doesn’t get it’, and people around him tolerate him more than enjoy his company. He tries to be bad, mostly because he’s angry at the world, but he’s also good at heart. When the plague hits, he travels with Nadine to Boulder and joins the body removal crew. He even makes a friend. This tentative, tenuous friendship is torpedoed when Nadine kills the guy.

Harold is neutral, but he discovered the world can be decent. Rather than resolve this and show that there’s a place for everyone, Harold is killed. This bothered me a lot because there are people out there who just need a friend, they need someone who understands them and wants to be around them. Everyone wants that, and some people are gifted with the natural ability to make friends, but some really aren’t. For them, they spend most of their time knowing they’re disliked but not knowing how to fix the problem, or if it can be fixed. Killing this character off felt like a cop-out.

Back to religion. Imagine that you’ve been dreaming of a kind woman named Abigail, so you go to her only to discover that your religion isn’t represented in the imagery, symbolism, or icons. Instead, it’s another religion, equally good, but not yours.

Oh my, also, Las Vegas has no religious imagery that I can recall off the top of my head. There’s no indication of religion other than people nailed to crosses as you enter the city. Does this mean that if you’re religious you’re good and if you’re not you’re bad? In 2021?

This entire debate could have been avoided by not using religion as a base. Yes, it’s faithful to the book to include this aspect, but like I’ve mentioned, it’s 2021 now. Rather than good vs bad = God vs Devil, why not have: people who want to try to live peacefully vs people who want to take over and rule the world? This would be effective when done well.

To conclude, overall the show is not bad. It resembles the book and previous television mini-series quite well. The storyline is a bit current, what with a plague and all, but a lot of it feels so dated that I cringed away from my screen while watching.

If you’ve made it this far, thanks for reading my rant.

[lovelyirony]

@chikinan has wonderful art of samsteve, which you know i just had to write! 

Steve and Sam meet when Steve’s being a little imp. It kind of defines their whole relationship, honestly. But Sam deals with the “on your left” quip while running in DC, they talk about trauma, and then Sam gets to help overthrow a secret organization that was very corrupt. 

He also got to brag that he jumped into a helicopter off a skyscraper-type-building and he got to help Captain America. Steve for short. 

Sam visits Steve in the hospital, bringing a shield that was fished out of the Potomac and a playlist of Marvin Gaye to play. 

There’s a blonde woman sitting by his side, grinning as she tells him something. 

“Oh, Sam,” Steve says. His bruise from yesterday looks a lot better--unfair, by the way, because it still hurts Sam to turn too much--and his smile is wider. “This is Sharon. She was my neighbor for a bit. Also a SHIELD agent.” 

"Used to be,” Sharon says with a shrug. “Thinking about a new career.” 

“The coffee shop down the street needs baristas,” Sam jokes. Sharon smiles, laughing. 

“And you’re Sam, aren’t you? Nice to see Steve finally has someone who can keep up with him and keep him grounded.” 

“I’m fine,” Steve says. 

“Nah, you’re a freak of nature,��� Sharon says. “And I need to focus more on making sure that Maria doesn’t take on all the work herself.” 

“And so you can utilize her wine collection,” Steve says. Sharon flips him off easily, laughing. 

“I’ll see you nerds later.” 

Sam gets the most distinct impression that Sharon could probably take over a country if she so wanted to. 

When Steve gets out of the hospital, he stays at Sam’s for a bit. 

And then that little bit turns into a lot longer when Sam decides to go for it and kiss Steve on the lips. 

Steve is a very nice man to date. They go to art museums and little coffee shops and the places that Sam says Steve has to go to. 

“Why did we go to Burger King after midnight?” 

“Tastes better. You go in the daytime and it’s shit.”

“...okay.” 

They’re both stubborn, Steve all the more. But Sam can talk with him and they communicate well, even on the days where Steve remembers things that he doesn’t want to or the days when it feels like just a year ago he was looking forward to the premiere of Meet Me in St. Louis. 

About a year and a half after they meet, Bucky enters the scene. 

Bucky is an asshole, once you really get to know him. Sam says that that’s a redeeming trait, although Bucky flips him off every single time. 

Bucky, Sharon, Steve, and Sam all form a friend-group of sorts and have a fun time hanging out together. Bucky and Sharon often gang up on the couple, laughing as they talk about all the dumb shit they’ve been up to. 

Steve actually needs Sharon’s help when he decides that marrying Sam would be the best decision ever. Well, he decided that about three months into their relationship. But now, it’s more...real. He’s ready to settle down, look at the man he loves, and say “I do.” 

He calls her and cajoles her into breakfast at eight in the morning to beat the usual people who go out for breakfast on Saturdays. 

“This better be good,” Sharon says grouchily. “I could’ve been having my own coffee and watching the show about puppies.” 

“I need to go ring-shopping with you. You’re the one who knows Sam best.” 

Sharon grins, hugging Steve and expressing the fact that they’d find the perfect one. 

They go to a lot of stores after-hours, the most-trusted experts on-hand. Steve doesn’t want this getting out until he wants it to break, and they understand that. 

And if they didn’t before, Sharon makes sure they do after. 

Steve decides on simplicity. Sam isn’t one for flashy declarations, so a gold band will do. 

Sam knows that he and Steve will get married one day. They’ve talked about the details, said that they don’t want to get married in the winter. He just doesn’t know when. 

He gets surprised by a beautiful picnic and a trip to the art museum, one of their first dates. 

Steve proposes in front of one of Sam’s favorite works of art, and Sam exclaims his surprise and his love so loudly that it makes headlines and memes for the weeks to follow. 

Sam can’t stop introducing Steve after that. 

“Oh, have you met my motherfucking husband?” Sam asks the Avengers. “Becuase here he is. See the wedding band?” 

“You’ve bragged about this eight times,” Bucky deadpans. 

“And there will be more to come!” Sam replies glibly. “Meet my husband. He has questionable taste in cocktails and thinks that the best invention of the twenty-first century is gel pens.” 

“They were invented in 1984, pick another one,” Tony says. 

“I wasn’t alive then, I consider it then,” Steve responds. 

“No,” Bruce says. “You weren’t alive for the invention of fire, do you consider that a twentieth century invention? Sam, you’re marrying an idiot.” 

“But he’s my idiot,” Sam says. 

All of SHIELD, once it’s rebuilt, gets the low-down. Steve Rogers is Sam Wilson’s husband, and Sam will remind you of that at any possible moment. 

“I would appreciate it if you didn’t interrupt my training session with new recruits to remind us all of your impending nuptials,” Maria Hill responds frostily after Sam walks in and shows off his ring for the new recruits to “ooh” and “ah” over. 

“Too bad, I’m getting married,” Sam says. “Now, I need your guys’ opinion. This is very important.” 

The smile drops, and the recruits lean in. Any lesson or advice they could give to Falcon could potentially lead to a status-upgrade. 

“How do I tell Steve that we’re not doing vanilla frosting without hurting his feelings?” 

Maria groans and says if Sam doesn’t get out, she’s throwing knives at him. 

Then comes the topic of who will be in the bridal party. Sam’s family, obviously. But they need a maid-of-honor and a best man. 

“For the best man, it has to be Bucky,” Steve says. “I won’t have anyone else.” 

“If you must,” Sam sighs, pretending to be annoyed before pressing a kiss to Steve’s cheek. “Have him over for lunch. But I get to choose the maid-of-honor then, and I go with Sharon.” 

Steve is in charge of the color schemes, and they choose navy blue and dove gray. 

“Dove?” Clint asks. “There are kinds of gray?” 

“I live with idiots,” Bruce says. “Of course there’s dove gray.” 

Bruce is...surprisingly helpful when it comes to procuring wedding materials. 

“How do you know these things?” Sam asks. 

“I watch too many shows and keep tabs on materials. Do not ask about it.” 

He nods, and makes a note to get Bruce to ask about custom-suits, or Tony. 

The wedding goes off perfectly. Tony has threatened everyone in a thirty-mile radius that if they attack anywhere near the wedding, he will eviscerate them until they’re nothing but a dark spot on the sidewalk. 

Sam is whisked away on the morning of, Sharon dragging him to a dressing room. 

“Bad luck to see the groom the day of the wedding.” 

“Isn’t that for brides?” 

“Nope, no gender-bias,” Sharon says. “And I guarantee if Steve saw you, he’d trip over himself. If he trips down the aisle, I win two dollars off Jane.” 

“You guys are betting during my wedding?” 

“Obviously, it’s what the Avengers and company do, Sam. Now, to the suit.” 

Sam is in the dove gray, Steve in the navy. They make a pretty good pair, the two of them. Of course, Natasha nabs Steve’s phone away when he’s trying to show Sam what he drew on the bottom of them. 

“No!” She declares. “You are not allowed to do any of this. I am turning on your wedding playlist.” 

“I have a wedding playlist?” 

“Technically it’s Bruce’s.” 

“Why does Bruce have one?” 

“I don’t ask him questions and neither should you, now onto hair,” Natasha says. “We’re going to make you look great for your wedding.” 

Sharon makes sure all the bouquets are set, the caterers are doing their job (and not serving cold potatoes like so many other weddings have had before) and that everyone is ready. 

“Do I really have to wear a tie?” Clint whines. 

“Yes,” Bruce says, not even looking up from his newspaper. “Wear it and suffer or don’t wear it and you’ll be replaced.” 

“I doubt Steve or Sam could find a replacement on such short notice,” Clint scoffs. 

“They couldn’t, but I could. I have two people on stand-by.” 

And then, the time comes. The bridesmaids and groomsmen look immaculate, and Steve can’t stop thinking about the day they met and how lucky he is to see his husband every day and be able to kiss him in the mornings, nights, and any time else it suits. 

Sam looks like a vision. His smile is radiant and he gets up to the aisle and smoothly turns to look at the priest. 

“We’re ready.” 

The ceremony is beautiful, and Steve can’t take his eyes off his husband. 

Sharon cries and tries to hide it behind her bouquet, although it ends up making a lovely picture for the photographer. 

The reception is wonderful. The food is great, the dancing is great, and Steve and Sam show off a very impressive first-dance that involves Steve near-hurling Sam out of his grasp. All in all, a very nice start. 

Bucky delivers an excellent speech on how lovesick Steve is, and how he told him one night that “he would marry Sam, even if it did kill him.” Sam cries. 

Sharon lightens up the mood with various stories about how stupid both of the grooms are, and how Sam had walked into a light-pole once because Steve happened to be wearing a rather nice shirt. 

They dance through the night, and end up in their bed, breathing hard. 

“Love you, Steve.” 

“Love you too.” 

“You’re my husband now. Like, for real.” 

“What a thought,” Steve teases, pulling him close. “You’re my husband too.” 

“A surprise,” Sam says, laughing. “Love you.” 

“Love you more.” 

“Love you most.” 

[mysteryspot-duhh]

This is still in movie plot-point format, with a lilttle bit dialog thrown in. This one is longer than before.

-Next, we see Rey running. Rushing to find Leia. She finds Leia sitting, in the place where they had their meeting earlier. Her hand clutching her chest. Teary eyed, Rey sobs. 'Ben needs help.' She approaches Leia and kneels. 'Should I find and go to him?' (UGH YEARNING). Leia wipes her single tear off her cheek. 'No.' She gets up. 'You have a much more important mission'. Rey is confused and gets angry and frustrated. 'He is your son! He is betrayed..and..and injured. I saw him. Just now! We should help him! He needs to know you are not abandoning him!' Leia doesn't stop and goes outside.

Outside, finn, poe, rose, chewie are loading the falcon with supplies (I'm gonna call them + Rey, The Gang)

Leia to Rose, 'I need you to report everything,' her gaze shifts to Finn and Poe, '..i mean EVERYTHING', and gives out the sweetest smile she can. 'I will, General.' Rose promises. 'May The Force be with you' They get into the falcon. Rey, still angry at Leia, stops to say something, but Leia pulls her into a hug. 'Rey, thank you, for saving my son.' The hug tightens. 'I am heartbroken with what happened, but..' now they face each other, '..he needs to fall before he RISES.' There is a gleam of hope in Leia's eyes. 'I know now that my son isn't gone, he is still here... And you will bring him home. To me.' Leia's smile grows wider. 'I am always with him,' now they are both teary eyed, '..and you.' Rey leaves Leia, 'Rey, MAY THE FORCE BE WITH YOU, ALWAYS' (UGH, I NEED THIS MOTHER -DAUGHTER THING WITH LEIA AND REY)

- Next, we have Kylo Ren, walking away from a very bad landing. His TIE-fighter crashed on the beach. He is now walking through a grassfield filled with yellow wildflowers. He sees a house and a tall, elderly man tending to his horses (I KNOW THE ANIMALS ARE WEIRD IN STAR WARS, BUT JUST GO WITH IT). The winds hitting his face make the bruises go numb. He cups his still bleeding torso. The man notices him, and rushes towards him. (THE MAN IS RICHARD E GRANT GUYS. DEFINITELY NOT MOFF TARKIN'S RIP OFF)

-In Pryde's house, Kylo wakes up and notices everything inside the room is grey, except the yellow wildflowers in a vase. And there is Luke, in the corner, just watching him. (GUYS, I AM HAVING TOO MUCH FUN WITH LUKE MESSING AROUND WITH HIS NEPHEW AND WATCHING HIM SLEEP)

Kylo tries to sit up. He winces still looking at Luke. Pryde comes in- 'ah, you're awake. I have some fresh clothes.' He stops and look at where Kylo looks, but doesn't see anything. He looks back at Kylo who now staring at him. '-and you need some medicine for the injuries.' Pryde gets out of the room.

'Bet you had a good sleep.' Luke grins. He is ignored, as usual. Luke notices the bleeding hasn't stopped. 'Do you remember, back in the academy we learn how to use the Force to heal wound and in this case, very heavy injuries?' Kylo seems to recall his thoughts. Hesitantly, ' No.' Luke moves towards him, hand on Ben's torso and starts to force heal him. The bleeding stops and the scar heals. The one on his face too.

Ben looks at Luke, 'Uncl-', Pryde comes in with a bowl of medicine. He is shocked to see all the bruises on Ben's face and body heals. Leaving no trace. And we find, again, Luke disappears.

- Now, the gang lands on a grassfield. Walking towards the cave and what is supposed to be the abandon rebel station. All around them is silence. 'If this is a trap, we're screwed.' Poe holds his blaster up. 'Better light your saber Rey,' Rose tells Rey who looks at her and then walks to the cave.

'Are you the resistance?' A lady emerges from the shadow of the cave. 'Are you here to fight the First Order?' More people are coming out of the shadow. Only now Rey lights her lightsaber. 'Yeah, we are,' Poe confirms, '..who are you?' 'I'm Zorri Bliss, former princess of Kajimi. These are my people.' (AWW SNAP. I MADE KERI RUSSEL A PRINCESS YALL. ITS WHAT SHE DESERVES)

Still in doubt, 'how do you know to contact us?''with a help of a friend of course.' And out come Lando out of the cave. (YEAH, YOU WANT NOSTALGIA, HERE'S NOSTALGIA)

- They sit inside the cave discussing.

'This place used to be peaceful, free. We had a lot, we were prosperous. But once First Order came, they took everything. Our resources, our children. They are used to wage war against the galaxy. They had help. The First Order came here, helped by some of the people who wants more than what they have!' Zorri puts on a brave face, but inside we know she's heartbroken. 'Those who opposed them are taken as prisoner, some of them slaughtered. My father is one of them.' Again, silence surrounds them.

'Once she escaped, her knights found me.' Lando breaks the silence. 'You see, I didn't know what happen during Crait. I found out about it, after the story of Luke spreads around the galaxy. I went to our allies, checked on them, asking why didn't they come to your aid-'

'Yeah, they blocked our communication channels.' Finn chimes in. Unsatisfied.

'So, what do you want us to do?' Rose, eager to know.

Lando gets up, twirls his cape a little bit. 'You see my friends, I need you guys to blow something up.' A sly smile on his face. 'The channels are jammed by a satellite...and it is just across the the hills.' Lando points. 'in the courtyard of Princess Zorri's castle.'

Poe looks around. 'We don't have enough hands.' 'I know where we can get more.' Zorri answers Poe and smiles. (IM HINTING THAT I SHIP ZORRI AND POE)

- Ben now replaced his good boy sweater with the clothes Pryde gave. (ITS GREY OKAY, GREY, KIND OF LIKE WHAT ANAKIN WORE IN ROTS BUT GREY UGHHHH, WE WERE ROBBED)

Ben walks towards Pryde with caution. 'Come, help me.' Pryde who is scrubbing his horse says to Ben. 'The other one needs a scrub too.' 'O..okay.' 'I'm sorry about your ship.' Ben stops. 'Yeah, I know who you are. You are from the First Order. Thought you are a stormtrooper deserter, but you are too tall. So, you can't be,' (CAUSE LEIA SAID LUKE IS TOO SHORT TO BE A STROMTROOPER, BUT ADAM DRIVER IS TALL YALL) Pryde stops his scrubbing and looks at Ben, '..and i found this'. His lightsaber. Ben takes it, plays it in his hand. 'You are not afraid of me?' Pryde just smiles and walks towards the field. Ben follows. 'Give me a reason I should be afraid of you.' Ben doesn't say anything. Something about this place makes him calm, his rage dims. Or is it?

'I've faced Vader.' Those words makes Ben jumps.

'I was a young officer in the Empire. Just a small post. No one would notice if I'm gone. I had big ambition, but then, I saw Vader, I saw the destruction the Empire did. Even before the Death Star. Somehow, i managed to get away from it.'

'I found this place, swore to never have any part in any destruction. I would not even hurt a fly these days.'

'Why, didn't you join the Rebellion?' Ben asks. 'Same thing. The Empire, The Rebellion. Vader, Luke Skywalker. They all leads to destruction one way or another. Light, dark. Both sides are using the force irresponsibly. Destroying everything to the ground!' Pryde now faces Ben. '.. And you of all people should know that.' He walks away.

'Why did you help me?' 'I have compassion'

- The gang is in the Millennium Falcon, approaching a very quiet village. 'Okay, Finn. Now it's your turn.' Poe says. (CAUSE YOU KNOW WHAT, THIS IS THE VILLAGE WHERE JANNAH AND THE OTHER STORMTROOPERS LIVE AND FINN NEEDS TO CONVINCE THEM TO HELP. WOOT! WOOT! PAY OFF FROM THE FIRST MOVIE SAY WHATTT!)

They enter kind of like an eatery. (Picture The Mandalorian). 'No weapons.' The server says. 'I'll go outside' Rey offers to keep all their weapons.

They meet Jannah. 'Zorri said someone would be looking for me. Are you looking for me?' 'You Jannah?' Finn asks. Jannah offers them to sit. ' Look, we need your help. All of you.' 'You are Finn right? The former stormtrooper who deserted. Never thought you would pick up a weapon again,' she laughs and continues loudly, '.. Oh, wait, this time for the resistance. The good guys.' Her laughs echoes around the room and others join. 'We just want to live in peace! We don't want to risk our life anymore not FOR ANY CAUSE.' Finn gets up and faces the people. 'Well, then too bad! Too bad that you are no longer risking your life even for the right cause. If you keep on being like this, you will never be at peace! Cause you know what?! Sooner or later, the First Order will be here. They will be everywhere,.. all over the galaxy. More children like us will be taken, away from their families, fighting a war that would never ends. Wherever you go, they will find you-'

'And you think, us following you will stop it from happening?!!'

'We just have to believe and have hope.'

-Rey is outside. Clearly her mind is not here.

'Where are you?' Rey sees Ben is right in front of her. 'Ben..are you okay?' 'You are not with Leia. You're at someplace else.' ' Ben, are you hurt?' Rey looks at Ben, but she feels that something is different with him. 'Where are you?' He asks again. Not revealing the answer, Rey pleads. 'Ben, come home.' With that, Ben severs the connection. Rey feels disappointed but then she feels restless. She enters the eatery.

They are shouting at each other, which she just now notices as she did not pay any attention before. 'Guys, we need to go. I have A BAD FEELING ABOUT THIS'. Rey shouts. Then we have the FO attacking that place. They've been following them. Not sure from where. Hopefully not from the cave. 'DO YOU SEE NOW JANNAH?!' Finn shouts. 'YOU LURED THEM TO US.' 'NO. WE NEED YOU. WHY WOULD WE DO THAT.' Now Poe is shouting. 'YOU GUYS, STOP! WE NEED TO LEAVE NOW!' Rose chimes in. 'Please, Jannah, join us, and help us save what we love. (UGH OF COURSE JANNAH AND HER GROUP FOLLOW THEM AFTER THAT). We then have the standard spaceship fight and all that exciting stuff.

-The First Order received information on what happen on Kajimi.

'Those scum!' Hux exclaims. 'Sir, the satellite that blocks the communication is on Kajimi.' 'I am aware of that! Prepare the ship to raid the resistance base. I'll make sure nobody will survive.'

-At the same time, report from Rose comes in. 'General,-' 'You need to evacuate, now! Bring all our fighters to Kajimi. Prepare for a battle.' Connix nods at the orders.

- The FO comes just as the last supply transport ship flies away. 'General, we need to leave-' C3PO says befere Leia dimisses it 'You need to run, hide, leave me here.' 'What, no. General-' Connix says who is then shoved into a nearby bushes. From the distance, some of the resistance fighter put up a fight. Leia sees Hux coming towards her. 'Hide!' Now, Leia and Hux are facing each other.

'Leia Organa. The Leia Organa.' Leia knows Hux is mocking her. 'Well, your son iS DEAD! In the end, he was beaten by somebody who doesn't even have the Force. Pathetic!'

'Every word you just said, is wrong, General Hux. (SEE WHAT I DID THERE!) My son is alive, there is light in him ...and at least, he fights his own battles. That is more than what you are capable of. ' Leia said calmly before she stops talking. Hux has fired the blaster directly through her chest.

'We head to Kajimi.' Hux says. Gritting through his teeth.

-end of second act-

[charmingcentry]

Nodes

Summary: Beca discovers about Chloe’s vocal nodule surgery over spring break after their acapella performance with the brunette’s change to the setlist. She decides to visit.

Entry for Day 5 - Why Are You Here?

AO3

-

It was the beginning of spring break and Beca couldn't feel more unhappy.

She could see the steam blow out of Aubrey’s head and Beca felt tears rise to her own eyes when the blonde made the choice of removing the brunette from the Bellas.

And no one stood up for her.

Not Fat Amy, not Stacie, not even Jessica, the most optimistic and smiley person in the group, no. Not even Chloe Beale, the co-captain. The only person who did defend the brunette, Beca screamed frustratedly at. She had turned right on her heel and stormed out of the auditorium.

Because that's what she did best.

If all else fails, she runs.

-

Beca misses strolling over to rehearsal every day at 4:00, even if she wasn't particularly fond of the captain or the cardio activity. She misses the parts where Stacie couldn't stop groping herself and the group would end up in a laughing fit. Beca misses how Fat Amy occasionally orders pizza during cardio and would dine in front of the girls with absolutely zero fucks given. She misses Lilly’s ominous comments and how her face would spontaneously pucker up.

Most of all, she misses that person who she sang Titanium in the shower with.

Beca misses Chloe Beale with her bright blue eyes full of hope.

As cliché as it may sound, the redhead made practice more enjoyable and worthwhile. The little winks Chloe would throw Beca during their stretching, the compliments of how good Beca executes a dance move even though the brunette is aware of how she's been half-heartedly doing these dance moves for the past couple of months. She misses how Chloe and she would usually be the last ones to leave rehearsal because the redhead insisted on walking Beca back to her dormitory.

Those were times Beca took for granted and now she may not even see the girls on a regular basis. Her first female friend group disappeared right before Beca’s very eyes just like that.

Everyone has each other's phone numbers, Aubrey created a Bellas group chat with everyone's number on it and was left with a text from Chloe.

Bree and I are proud of everyone's hard work put into this season… hopefully, you guys can carry on and get into the Championship next year! xxx

It was left on read by everyone, even Aubrey… looks like everyone was bitter after that performance. No one has texted the group chat ever since the performance which isn't surprising. Hell, no one even texted one another separately, even if Beca was on good terms with the other Bellas - must've felt awkward.

At this point, Beca didn't have any friends around with the exception of her roommate Kimmy Jin. Well, more like she's the only person that the brunette is able to communicate with… the Asian roommate still wasn't fond of Beca. Even if that may be the case, Beca still preferred to keep to pent up all of her frustrations.

She didn't know what else to do.

-

Beca's huddled up in the corner of her small bed, watching a movie. She's sniffling and crying when she notices her phone vibrate - it's been on vibrate ever since the group's fallout. The brunette wipes her tears away and picks up the phone and notices her father’s name.

Dad 1 text message

Beca quirked up an eyebrow as she removed her headphones, it's odd that her father would message her out of the blue, the two haven't talked or seen each other since Beca had gotten arrested even if they’re on the same campus. Before the brunette could answer, her phone pings again.

Dad 2 text messages

Beca decides to open the texting app.

Is your friend Chloe okay? I heard she got surgery and that’s why she hasn’t been attending study groups lately.

Surgery? What could Chloe be getting surgery for? Beca begins to text until her father sends another message.

Do you not know?

Beca swiftly types across her keyboard, head tilted.

havent talked to her since the performance

Oh. How’s the Bellas?

Beca looks up to the ceiling to prevent more tears from falling. havent talked to them since the performance.

I’m sorry.

Beca hovers her thumbs over the keyboard, circling around letters. She tugs at her bottom lip, she knows what she will ask might become a mess - but Beca is tired of running. do u know the address of the hospital?

Oh! Let me ask one of the students here… Chloe’s really close with the study group people.

The brunette nodded and removed the blanket on top of her along with the bulky black headphones. She shut down her laptop as she waited for her father to respond, slipping her boots on. Her phone pings and Beca immediately opened her phone.

423 Carnegie Way. You planning to visit?

It was too obvious at this point to lie. yes. can i take ur car?

Go ahead. Parked by your dormitory. You have the spare key right?

yeah

Okay, drive safely.

Beca shuts her phone off and just as she’s about to run out the door, her roommate stops her.

“Your makeup, idiot.” Kimmy Jim deadpans, the brunette turns around with a slightly amused expression as she walks over to her mirror. She notices her eyeliner smudged from the crying and somehow forgotten. Beca walks over to her bedside drawer and grabs a packet of makeup wipes then walks back out. “Beca?”

The brunette turns around. “Yeah what’s up?”

“Good job.” Kimmy Jins answers, Beca could tell she was fighting back a smile.

“Cya Kimmy Jin.”

The brunette exits the dormitory building towards her father’s car in the parking lot. Beca unlocks the vehicle and sits in the driver’s seat, wiping off the heavy eyeliner from her face and immediately starts the car once her makeup is completely removed. She pulls out of the parking lot as she starts the GPS for the hospital Chloe is located at. This is either going to be a big mistake or the greatest thing Beca has done.

The brunette parks her father’s car which is intact - Beca accidentally scratched his car against a tree during high school and he won’t forget it. Beca turns off the engine and exits the vehicle and enters the quiet building. She walks towards the receptionist and notices the “Visting Hours” sign is lit, luck is on Beca’s side today. The receptionist looks up and smiles gently at Beca, she looks like she hasn’t received much sleep.

“How may I help you?”

Beca clears her throat and speaks in a lower octave. “Is there anyone by the name of Chloe Beale here?”

The receptionist quirks up an eyebrow. “Who may you be? Visitors can only be friends and family.”

“Oh, I’m her friend. I’m in the same acapella group as her, the Barden Bellas.” Beca groans at herself internally, she has a tendency to overshare when nervously speaking with strangers.

“Alright… yes, she’s here. Would you like to visit her?” Beca nods. The receptionist logs information into the computer and grabs the untearable visitor bands from underneath her desk. Beca holds out her wrist as the receptionist wraps the band around her wrist and cuts off the excess part. “She’s on level 3, room 303. Enjoy your visit.”

Beca waves goodbye at the friendly receptionist and walks to the elevators, pressing the third-floor button. She feels her heart rate pick up and hands go clammy, not sure whether if she’s nervous for Chloe’s reaction or seeing the redhead in general. The brunette’s mouth goes dry as the elevator doors open, Beca immediately being able to see her room on the right-hand side of the building. She slowly approaches the door and takes a shaky breath. The brunette opens the door.

Chloe is dressed in a hospital gown and she manages to make those displeasing gowns look good. She’s staring out of the window, earbuds plugged into her ear as she nods slowly along with a beat. Beca walks closer to her bed and the redhead slowly turns her head towards the brunette, she gapes her mouth open as she removes her earbuds.

“Hi Chlo…” Beca awkwardly waves, confused when Chloe turns away. She’s relieved to find the redhead turn back around with a pen and notepad.

Why are you here?

Beca takes a seat at the edge of her bed. “Just wanted to see how you were… did your surgery go well? What was it for?” The brunette asks, nervously fidgeting with her hands. Chloe smiles and writes her response down once again, Beca notices she switched hands for writing this time… ambidextrous.

It went well, I’m on vocal rest. And it’s cute how you worry. Remember my nodes? I removed them…

The brunette’s jaw drops as she inches closer to Chloe. “Oh wow, that’s… shit. Can you still sing?” Chloe nods and writes a note down.

Can’t sing above a G# maybe ever. Probably have to take voice therapy for like four to six weeks.

Beca brushes a stray hair behind her ear out of nervousness. “I’m sorry about that. At least you can still sing after right?” The redhead nods and writes a reply down.

You’re the first person to visit me you know? I expected maybe Aubrey or something but no… it's you. How come?

“I don’t know… felt like I was required too. You’re my friend.” Chloe’s smile washes over her face, that’s the first she’s smiled since Beca walked in. “Also… I’m really sorry for what I said to you after the performance. It was so fucked up and I wish I could take it back.” The redhead grabs Beca’s hand as she writes down another note.

No, it’s fine. I’m sorry too, I should’ve stood up to Bree. And that’s the first time I’ve heard you mention that I’m your friend :)

Beca laughs at the smiley face drawn at the end. “Yeah… don’t tell anyone. I have this whole ‘badassery’ vibe going on here.” The brunette gestures to her body with the hand not being held by Chloe’s. The redhead rolls her eyes and the smile grows wider. There’s silence between the two as Beca stares into Chloe’s bright blue eyes, blushing at the sight of her smile. Beca breathes in and lets out a shaky breath. “I really missed you Chlo.” The redhead’s eyes widen a bit as she writes once again.

I missed you too. Have you talked to any of the other girls yet?

Beca shakes her head no.

Wow, I’m the first? I’m special, aren’t I ;)

“Don’t get too cocky there Beale.” The brunette teases while smirking. “You just, I miss seeing your smile and going to practices with you and shit…” Chloe tilts her head. “I’ve never really felt close to someone until you? Maybe that’s because you saw me naked within like a week of meeting each other… that’s at least two bases you skipped there.” Beca jokes, causing Chloe to bite down her lip to prevent laughing too much. “I just… really really like you and I was worried about you and… yeah.” Beca is confused as to why Chloe’s eyes were huge until she realized what she just said. She stands from the bed, covering her mouth. “Shit I- fuck.” Chloe quickly scribbles down something on her notepad.

Wait, Beca no it’s okay! Sit back down.

The brunette clenches her hands into fists and slowly sits down. “I’m sorry I just… I tend to ramble and just, ugh fuck! I’m just so bad with this type of stuff…” Chloe gestures for Beca to come closer and so Beca does. The redhead plants a soft kiss on the corner of Beca’s mouth and smiles when Beca appears to be dumbfounded. Chloe immediately scribbles something on her notepad.

I really like you too idiot.

Beca rolls her eyes as she slowly grazes over the corner of her mouth with her fingertips, the feeling of Chloe’s lips still lingering. The brunette blushes as Chloe slips her hand into Beca’s. The redhead notices the time and frowns. She writes in her notepad with her free hand.

Hospital people don’t like it when you stay for too long… you should probably get going.

Beca frowned as she slowly stood up, still holding hands with Chloe. “Yeah… probably.” Chloe scribbles something down.

I hope the Bellas will regroup sometime soon.

The brunette nods. “Yeah me too…” Beca plants a kiss on Chloe’s forehead and waves goodbye to her possible girlfriend. The brunette leaves the hospital with a smile on her face and the feeling of Chloe’s lips still tingling the corner of her mouth. When she enters her father’s car, she immediately gets a text from Chloe.

FOOTNOTES LEADER WAS IN HIGH SCHOOL AND GROUP WAS DISQUALIFIED. WE’RE BACK IN BEC!

She smiles as she starts the car… luck was really on her side today.

[aspoonofsugar]

The Umbrella Academy: What Society is Like

Let’s start by considering Reginald’s words in episode 1:

As much as you must strive for individual greatness, and strive you must, for it won’t come to you of its own accord, you must also remember that there is no individual stronger than the collective.

This speech seems oxymoric since it says that the children must compete with each other to fully become capable individuals, but also that a group is stronger than an individual.

However, this is not the case and this scene underlines two of the central ideas of the series.

1) How society works and its contradictions. As a matter of fact society is both an institution which makes so that its members have to compete to emerge (and those who don’t or can’t are left behind) and a reality born because humans are generally stronger when they work together and help each other.

2) The idea that the Umbrella Academy (aka a family) is representative of society as a whole. This means that the dynamics within the family are, on a smaller scale, the same we see in wider groups of people.

This meta will try to explore these two points by analyzing each one of the six alive siblings (Ben will be given some space in Klaus’s section). As a matter of fact each one of them represents a specific kind of person you can find in modern societies and each one of them is either too much detached from society (and the family) or too much adherent to its flawed ideals.

LUTHER

Luther is a person who abides to authority and who wants to become an authority figure himself, but who fails to do so precisely because he has never entered into a conflict with the major authority figure in his life aka his father.

In other words, he is an interesting paradox in the sense that he wants to be a  leader and so to have an important social role, but he never truly became an adult member of society:

Diego: “Because that’s what you do when you’re 17. You move out. Become your own person. Grow up.”

This contradiction is highlighted also by the fact that he ended up as a leader without a group to lead:

Moreover, it is telling that, even when Reginald sent Luther away, he ended up on the Moon i.e. an isolated place where there are not other people around and where there are not social institutions with which interact.

Luther’s paradoxical nature is highlighted also by the fact that, despite him being physically bigger than his siblings, he is the most child-like among them since he can’t separate himself from his parent and so he can’t really grow up.

This is something which is made clear by other characters (both Allison and Five tell Luther to grow up) and especially by Diego:

Luther: “I stayed because the world needed me”.

Diego: “You stayed because you couldn’t let go of how things used to be.”

Episodes 6 and 7 seem to support this reading as well.

As a matter of fact in both episodes Luther discovers that his father sent him away for no real reason and for the first time ever shows disappointment and anger towards the man.

Because of the structure of the series we have two different reactions to this discovery and two different outcomes for Luther’s character:

What is important is that these two outcomes are nothing more than two different adolescent behaviours.

As a matter of fact in both cases Luther experiences things he never did, being them a prom-like dance with Allison or getting drunk and having sex with a stranger.

The two situations might seem opposite, but they are actually representative of two stereotypical ideas of adolescence (crushing on your first love and trying things which are unwise and irresponsible).

In other words, by finally getting angry at Reginald, Luther can enter his puberty, not physically of course, but psychologically.

Moreover, by doing so, he also admits this:

Fighting with a parent is the first step into growing up because it means that the child is starting to see things in his own way which is independent from the parent’s one and doesn’t necessarily overlap with it.

However, when Allison is hurt and Luther discovers the fact that Vanya has powers, he immediately regresses and keeps facing problems the same way his father would have This is shown by the fact that he locks Vanya up like Reginald used to and refuses to listen to his siblings’ protests.

This choice leads to Luther’s house being destroyed and to the deaths of Grace and Pogo who are the siblings’ parental substitudes.

Pogo’s death is especially important as far as Luther is concerned and this is proven also by him directly witnessing it.

This is because Pogo is literally who Luther could become if he doesn’t grow up and overcomes his character flaw. This is shown symbolically by the fact that Luther is already physically more similar to Pogo than to a human, but this is true also on a deeper level.

As a matter of fact Pogo, despite the fact that he clearly cared for the children and felt sadness over some of the things Reginald put them through, never stood up to the man and obeyed him even when it would have been wiser to disobey.

Ironically Luther calls Pogo out on this:

Pogo: “It was your father’s dying wish, Master Luther. I.... I had no choice.”

Luther: “There is always a choice”.

However, some episodes later Luther himself uses Pogo’s same line (”I have no choice”) and is immediately called out by Diego in the same way:

Luther: “We might not have a choice, Allison”.

Diego: “Bullshit. There’s always options”.

This underlines how Luther has yet to truly grow up since he is quick to call others out, but then he acts in similar ways to the ones he condemns them for.

That said, Luther has the potential to grow up and to overcome his flaw and we are shown it in episode 6 when he reaches a happy ending with Allison. As a matter of fact episode 6 shows that every character has the potential to reach their objective if only they were to commit to it and it is important how the majority of the characters keep developing positively despite the difficulties they meet in the alternative version of that day. For example, Klaus still manages to avoid drugs, Allison still tries her best to connect and communicate with her family and Diego still tries to take care of the people around him. The major exceptions are Luther and Grace who don’t manage to properly develop in episode 7 as they do in episode 6. Despite this, they have both shown to have the potential to do so.

When it comes to Luther especially the narrative makes clear that his relationship with Allison is what may lead him to become a better person. This is not simply because Allison is Luther’s love interest, but also because Allison is the one who says this:

“You are an adult now, Vanya. You don’t get to blame your problems on anyone, but yourself.”

Allison is a character who is actively trying to become an adult and to take responsibility for her past mistakes concerning her daughter and Vanya. She accepts that being a grown up means mostly this, whereas Luther has yet to show this degree of maturity.

DIEGO

Diego is the opposite of Luther and this is shown in several ways. For example, he is extremely close to his mother and protective towards her, whereas Luther’s loyalty is for Reginald. At the same time, Luther specializes in close range combat because of his super strength, while Diego reaches his maximum potential when he fights from a distance with his daggers. However, the two foil each other on a much deeper level.

Diego, thus, is a person who refuses authority, but he does so mostly because he can’t really overcome what he was taught:

Patch: “You are still trying to prove that, when you were kids, running around in those stupid uniforms. that it wasn’t for nothing.”

This unsolved issue with his father leads him to have problems also as an adult. As a matter of fact he dropped out from the police for his inability to follow rules, so for his inability to act within a system.

Basically, despite the fact Diego tells Luther off because he has never truly tried to fit into society, he himself is unable to fit and keeps criticizing any form of rules and authority even the ones which are necessary and useful.

This leads him to foil Luther also when it comes to their respective problems with their love interests. As a matter of fact Luther has never been able to be together with Allison because he never left the Academy to stay with her and has always made of his mission the reason of his life, whereas Diego is unable to truly set in. This is why he never became a detective and keeps entering into conflicts with Patch.

Ironically, he keeps saying how rules and burocracy go in the way of his role as a vigilante and don’t let him help people, but if anything it is the other way around. It is his stubborness in acting outside the law the reason why he is unable to help the police and later on his siblings as much as he could. For example, if he had worked with the police since the beginning he could have easily understood that Five was involved in their current case. What is more, Patch unofficially calling him for help makes so that he is the primary suspect in her murder and this takes him away from his family when they need him the most.

Diego’s flawed philosophy is also among the reasons why Patch dies.

Let us consider this exchange:

Diego: “You know, maybe for once just try things my way.”

Patch: “I can’t.”

Diego challenges Pacth to try his way of doing things and when she does she dies.

Patch’s death has two consequences.

1) Diego becomes determined to avenge her.

2) Diego becomes more willing to work with his siblings.

1) Diego’s quest for revenge and its conclusion is interesting.

First of all, it mirrors Diego’s tendency to act outside the rules in order to obtain justice. This is what his persona as a vigilante was all about in the first place, so him choosing to act on his own to kill Cha Cha and Hazel makes sense and it represents a continuation of this philosophy. However, in the end he makes a different choice and embraces Patch’s vision of the world.

DIego: “She believed in people. No matter how much shit and filth she saw on the streets. She Always saw the good inside.”

Patch’s prospective is one which could be significant for the series as a whole. As a matter of fact she was integrated in society, but never forgot, according to Diego, of the people who were left behind and kept believing in them. So, Diego finally embracing this idea might be important in his future interactions with his siblings.

Moreover, him letting Cha Cha go is the result of a specific choice and as he himself said:

“There’s always options.”

In other words Diego’s merciful action is the last choice he makes in the series and it happens in the finale, so I think it should determine a transformation of the character which should hold in future seasons as well. This prospective fits with Diego’s desire to protect the weaks like for example their mother and contrasts him even more with Luther who is animated by the desire to be strong and capable in order to make their father proud.

2) The fact that he starts working with the others makes him understand that they need to organize, to act according to specific plans and to have a leader. Basically, he accepts that some rules and authority are necessary.

This leads Diego to admit this:

So, while Luther admits that he should have left in order to grow, Diego admits that their leaving the academy was nothing more than them escaping from their issues.

Finally, Diego as a character has the potential, given his relationship with the police department, to explore themes related to justice and how it works. From this prospective him not killing Cha Cha could also be seen as him starting to develop a more complex vision of this concept which is also rooted in empathy. This is interesting because he has shown to be ready to go against the rules for the people he loves (for example he steals Reginald’s monocle from Grace’s things in order to avoid her being suspected of his death), but also to sacrifice the people he loves for a common good as he does when he “kills” Grace or when he is ready to fight Vanya despite not wanting to hurt her. All in all, how these things will play out later on is unknown and it is impossible to say.

ALLISON

Allison is a person who has obtained great success in her line of work, but has lost her loved ones.

Allison’s powers are highly symbolic of her major issues:

Allison is said to have always used her powers to obtain what she wanted and this led her to build a life which was apparently perfect, but actually empty and pretty frail because founded on a series of relationships which were superficial since literally grounded in “rumors”.

Finally, Allison’s powers are representative of a specific way to communicate with others which is the opposite of Vanya’s and which makes the two sisters foils.

As a matter of fact Allison has always been able to impose her point of view on others thanks to her power, whereas Vanya has always repressed her feelings without truly sharing them:

Vanya: “Maybe I will”.

Of course Allison and Vanya are opposites also when it comes to other aspects of their characters. Allison is one of the most famous people on Earth, whereas Vanya’s name keeps being forgotten by the people she has been playing with for several time. Moreover, while Vanya’s arc lies in her discovering to have powers and having to learn how to control them, Allison’s is about trying to live without relying on her abilities.

It is also interesting to notice how both Allison and Vanya’s careers are linked to performative arts (Allison being an actress and Vanya being a violin player). All in all both acting and music are ways people use to express themselves and this seems to strengthen the idea that Allison and Vanya’s arcs are about communication.

In short, the two sisters mirror each other and this is also why their relationship is extremely rich thematically.

That said, Allison has already started her transformation when we meet her and this is because she has already received consequences for the misuse of her “rumors”. As a matter of fact, Allison’s main motivation to change is the willingness to see her daughter Claire again.

Her relationship with Claire plays a role also in how Allison starts to rethink her relationship with her siblings and with Vanya especially:

Claire: “Mommy, why isn’t Auntie Vanya ever in your stories?”

Moreover, the fact that she has already a daughter makes her more willing to accept that she has responsibilities as an adult:

Pogo: “You were a child, Miss Allison”.

Allison: ”Yeah, but I am not one anymore. And neither is she”.

All in all Allison is trying to change and in order to do so she is trying to find different ways to communicate with her family and most importantly to listen to them.

She is trying to reforge her bonds in a more genuine way. Of course this is difficult and she makes some missteps:

Allison: “I think what he’s trying to say is that this kind of stuff is Dangerous. You’re just…”

Vanya: “Not like you”.

Vanya: “Hey, what’s going on?”

Allison: “It’s a family matter”.

However, the worst mistake she makes is to try to use her powers on Vanya. This choice, even if understandable given the situation, is nothing more than Allison regressing when it comes to how she deals with others’ feelings. In that scene she is facing Vanya who is furious and who is manifesting all the rage she has been repressing. In front of such an outburst Allison tries to calm her down using “the rumors”, but Vanya being manipulated by Allison’s powers is what created the whole situation to begin with. What is more, Allison shows that she is still not able to take on a person’s emotional outburst, just like when Claire was the one having them.

In short, using her powers is the worst possible thing Allison can do in that situation and this is why she has her vocal cords damaged as a consequence.

This handicap, thus, is extremely fitting for her character and makes so that not only she can’t use her powers in the finale, but also that her own “voice” and perspective is constantly ignored by her siblings and that she has to struggle to communicate and to make herself heard.

Despite this, her insights end up being very useful to the whole group. For example, she thinks about how to escape from the bowling and she understands the importance of the violin for Vanya’s powers.

However, the most important thing is that, in the end, she manages to save both Vanya and the others by using the way Vanya’s powers work against her.

This is a fitting ending to the sisters’ relationship in the first season, especially when one considers how their powers are metaphorical of communicative issues. Under this prospective Allison creating a strong noise in order to disturb Vanya’s powers can be seen as her finding a way to reach her sister and to make herself heard despite being unable to speak. All in all Allison’s actions in the finale show how she doesn’t really need her powers or her voice to effectively communicate with others and to make a difference.

Finally her finding an alternative solution when it counted shows once again that what both Luther and Diego said is true: “There is always a choice”.

Allison is given a choice, but she refuses it and finds a third option.

KLAUS

Klaus is a person who excludes himself from society because of fear:

What is Klaus scared of?

I think that there are two answers.

a) He is scared of not being good enough.

b) He is scared of what his powers represent.

a) Throughout the series Klaus has been dismissed by his siblings as useless and treated as a clown.

Despite him apparently not caring it is made clear throughout the season that Klaus wants to be respected by others, but he initially does nothing to make it happen and hides behind a childish and clownish facade.

The scene of the fight between Hazel and Cha Cha and the Academy which ends up with Klaus’ kidnapping underlines this nicely.

On one hand it is true what Klaus says here:

“I am the one person in that house nobody will even notice is gone”.

On the other hand while his siblings are fighting for their lives Klaus is doing this:

Klaus ignoring his siblings’ predicament and them ignoring his kidnapping are not things which happen for a lack of love, but rather they do for a lack of perceptiveness on both parts.

On one hand his siblings don’t manage to understand from where Klaus is coming from and why he has adopted this specific coping mechanism. On the other hand Klaus himself hides in his own world and uses drugs and other things (like music in the scene above) to avoid facing reality and others.

b) Klaus’s powers are linked to death and so it is safe to say that Klaus is scared of it.

This is a pretty common and normal fear which Klaus experiences in an amplified way because of him being constantly surrounded by the spirits of the deads.

Moreover, we know that Klaus (and the others) have had to cope with the loss of a person they all cared about:

The fact that Klaus is constantly followed around by Ben’s ghost is the representation of his (and the whole family’s) inability to overcome his death:

Klaus is literally haunted by a grown up version of Ben, by whom Ben would have become if he had not died.

What is interesting is that Klaus, despite having the possibility to make Ben communicate with his other siblings, doesn’t do so. This is both because the others don’t believe him and because Klaus himself fails to do so:

Klaus: “And if Ben were here, he’d agree with me”.

Ben: “No, I don’t”.

In short, Klaus’ powers are a double-edged sword. On one hand they are linked to an idea which naturally scares humans, but on the other hand they have the potential to let humans better understand and accept death. So, Klaus can either use them to stay stuck in the pain of his losses or to grieve more healthily.

Both fears come up and are faced when Klaus is Cha Cha and Hazel’s prisoner:

Ben: “You know what the worst part of being dead is? You’re stuck. Nowhere to go. No way to change. That’s the real torture if you gotta know. Watching your brother take for granted everything you lost and pissing it all away”.

Klaus, just like what Ben says about death, can’t escape and he is forced to face the situation alone and to use his powers as best as he can. It is meaningful that he manages to put the two killers in distress by communicating with the souls of their victims because it shows that Klaus has much to gain by facing what he is scared of and what he finds difficult. As a matter of fact once he faces the dead people instead of ignoring them he starts obtaining results.

However, this is not enough to motivate Klaus to develop further and this is why he loses Dave.

It is meaningful that what motivates Klaus to train himself more in using his powers is the death of an important person because it shows once again how Klaus’s powers can help with grief:

Diego: “Well, you are luckier than most. When you lose someone, at least you can see them whenever you want”.

Thanks to episode 6 we are shown that Klaus has within himself the ability to reach his objective and he will probably do so in the end.

However, in the main timeline he ends up meeting not Dave, but his father.

This is important because so far Klaus has been the only one who could have a confrontation with Reginald even if the man needs closure with all the siblings.

Klaus and Reginald’s conversation doesn’t exactly offer closure, but at least lets Klaus mention the unfair treatment the father put his children through.

When it comes to Klaus specifically it is interesting to note how Reginald treated him in a way which is almost the opposite of how he treated Vanya.

As a matter of fact Reginald tried to suppress Vanya’s powers, but to draw out Klaus’s. Interestingly, in order to do so, he locked both children up in places they hated and were scared of. Moreover he gave Vanya drugs to inhibit her powers and emotions, whereas Klaus ended up starting to drug himself to inhibit his.

If to these similarities we add that both Klaus and Vanya are ignored by their siblings it is obvious how they parallel each other. This is also made clear by how both have to become more familiar with their powers throughout the season. However, Klaus manages to do so in a positive way, while Vanya in a destructive one. This is because of multiple reasons. For example, Klaus starts developing his powers motivated by a romantic relationship which we are bound to believe was healthy, while Vanya does so because manipulated by an abuser.

Another difference is that Vanya doesn’t get to have a confrontation with his father, while Klaus does and he ends up gaining something from it:

Reginald: “You only scratched the surface of what you were truly capable of. If only you had focused”.

Klaus: “Wait, wait, wait. What...What potential?”

Klaus succeeding in talking with Reginald and later on him being able to have Ben manifest himself make so that he becomes more invested in proving his worth to the others as well.

And finally he succeeds:

This scene is a synthesis of the major ideas present in Klaus’s arc. On one hand he manages to prove to his siblings his talent. On the other hand he manages to have them see Ben once again and this can lead the family to address his loss.

When it comes to Ben it is also worth to underline how he too seems not to have been eager to use his powers just like Klaus is in the series:

Ben: “Do we really have to do this?”

Luther: “Come on, Ben. There’s more guys in the vault.”

Ben: “I didn’t sign up for this”.

Klaus’s powers are linked to death, while Ben’s seem to have been linked to monsters and to the unknown.

Even what is written under his statue suggests it:

May the darkness within you find peace in the light.

This might be used to explore repressed parts within one-self which are clearly present in several characters.

NUMBER FIVE

Number Five is a person who has grown up alone in a post-apocalyptic world and who has been re-integrated back into society thanks to the Commission.

The Commission can be easily seen as a critic to capitalism. After all it is nothing more than a company which, in order to further their own objectives, completely dismisses individuals and is even ready to provoke the apocalypse:

Five: “That’s insane. The end of everything?”

Handler: “Not everything. Just the end of something.”

This utilitaristic approach is shown both in how the Commission treats its employers and in what the Commission literally does which is killing random people despite them not having done anything wrong in order to ensure a specific succession of events. What is more, the way relationships work inside of it is something which partly satirizes extremely competitive workplaces. This is evident in how people act in an amicable way with each other, but they are also ready to kill who goes against the rules or is an obstacle.

What is more, the fact that the company deals with time makes the saying “time is money” come to mind. I think this saying perfectly describes the mentality behind this organization.

“Time” is also, together with “Space”, what Five’s powers are about. This has a series of symbolic meanings which will be now underlined.

a) First of all, one could apply the philosophy behind the words “time is money” to Five as wel, in the sense that he is a character whose identity is strongly tied to his job. Let’s consider these two scenes:

They are parallels since they have the same characters having similar exchanges. In both one of them calls the other out and claims to recognize specific symptoms in the other’s behaviour. What is interesting is that Klaus listing a series of symptoms of drug-addiction is compared to Five listing a series of symptoms of time-travelling.

One explanation is that the two characters are opposite and these two exchanges show how they should learn from each other.

On one hand Klaus should become more serious about how to deal with things and “grow up” and this might be why he is the one who time-travels and spends a year away. During that span of time he develops and learns something important about life:

Five: “Time changes everything”.

On the other hand Five takes himself too seriously and thinks that he is the only one who can stop the apocalypse.

In other words, the narrative underlines how Klaus’s obsession over drugs which he uses to limit his abilities and Five’s one over his job where he can show his talent are extremely similar phenomenons which end up damaging the characters.

When it comes to Five specifically, his behaviour is easily understandable if we consider that he has lived an extremely emotionally deprived life.

Let us consider this scene between him and Klaus:

It is very ironic that this exchange happens between them. As a matter of fact, Klaus will end up developing an important relationship with Dave which will be the catalyst of his development, whereas we will soon discover that Dolores is nothing more than a Mannequine and that for all that time Five was, in fact, alone.

Moreover, the first person Five meets after years is the Handler:

This scene is interesting because here Five passes from a post-apocalyptic world to an alienating society. Both environments are ones where he can not really form close bonds and this is why, despite him being older than his siblings he is one of the most underdeveloped emotionally and this is perfectly shown by how the Handler calls him at one point:

Handler: “You’re a distinguished professional in...schoolboy shorts”.

b) As stated above, Five is the oldest, but also one of the characters who needs to grow the most and this is symbolically shown by him being stuck in the body of a teenager.

This is obviously linked to his powers as well. As a matter of fact he is the way he is because he travelled in time when he was thirteen. The fact that he left for the future alone can be metaphorically seen as him growing up too soon and so not having the chance to properly develop into an adult.

This makes him a foil to Luther with whom he has several important exchanges:

Five: “I think it was all those years alone. Solitude can do funny things to the mind.”

Luther: “Yeah, well, you were gone for such a long time. I only spent four years on the moon, but that was more than enough. It’s the being alone that breaks you”.

As a matter of fact, while Luther has not grown because he refused to leave his home, Five has not properly grown because he left too early. Luther was left behind by his siblings, whereas Five left his siblings behind.

Let us now consider what Luther tells Five here:

This is interesting and it leads us to both the third meaning behind Five’s powers and to him foiling another character aka Vanya:

c) Five’s powers let him move around in space and he often uses them to go away from his siblings.

Basically, Five cuts himself off and, as Allison states above, Vanya does the same. However, the reasons why they do so are opposite since Five does so because he feels superior, whereas Vanya because she feels inferior. This opposite and yet extremely similar behaviours make so that Five and Vanya have also inversed roles within the narrative.

For example, Five is the one who wants to stop the apocalypse more than anyone else, whereas Vanya is the one who initially does not believe (or does not want to believe) it. However, in the end Five was never the one who could avoid the apocalypse, but Vanya was. Moreover, in order to stop this event. Five should not have given that much importance to the big picture and should not have faced the whole matter with the methods he learnt during his job. He should have simply interacted normally with his family, instead. What is more,  he should have showed them and especially Vanya how much he cared.

After all, the fact that Five alone can’t change things is made clear when he tells Luther his story and we discover that him not having killed Kennedy did not prevent the president from dying.

So, Five comes back in order to avoid the apocalypse, but in the end the ruckus his return provokes is among the reasons why Vanya is left isolated and neglected leading her to be manipulated by Harold.

What is more, Vanya’s relationship with Harold can be compared to Five’s one with the Handler. This is becuse both Harold and the Handler are who respectively Vanya and Five could become if they were to completely cut themselves off from their family.

Speaking of the Handler specifically, she, just like Five, has no name if not one which denotes her role and which underlines how she sees herself in an utilitaristic way. She is her work, nothing more and nothing less.

Handler: “I’ll just be replaced. I’m but a...small cog in a machine” .

This is also why she dies. She feels so protected by her role that she doesn’t stop to consider that Hazel might act in a way which completely disregards her position and status and shoot her without as much as a word.

Handler’s role in the narrative is to try to transform Five in someone like her. This is why she tempts him tackling his pride in his abilities and also promising him happiness:

Handler: “I mean, I mean you...you can’t be happy like this”.

Five: “I’m not looking for happy”.

Handler: “We’re all looking for happy. We can make that happen. We can make you yourself again”.

Five: “What do you want?”

Handler: “To be happy. To have a simple... unfettered life, to do the work my superiors require.”

However, Five will never find happiness through his job at the Commission, no matter how much high he climbs:

Five: “You know, I never enjoyed it.”

Luther: “What?”

Five: “The killing. I mean, I was...I was good at my work and I...I took pride in it. But it never gave me pleasure.

This phrase perfectly synthesizes Five’s character. As a matter of fact he is proud of himself, but this applies only to what he can do, rather than the value he gives himself as a person. As a matter of fact there are several instances where it is shown how Five has not such a high opinion of himself given that he became an assassin:

Five: “I don’t belong anywhere, thanks to you. You made me a killer.”

Either way, it is clear that Five is conflicted between the utilitaristic way of thinking the Commission embodies:

Five: “Vanya is not important”.

Diego: “Hey, that’s your sister. A little heartless even for you, Five.”

And his love for his family:

Luther: “I know you are still a good person, Five. Otherwise, you wouldn’t have risked everything coming back here to save us all.

It is pretty obvious that Five’s growth lies in the second one rather than in the first and in episode 9 we are shown that Five has the potential to develop in the right direction:

Hazel: “Now you can grow up.”

Let us underline that Hazel is a Five’s foil as well since he too used to work for the Commission, but he realizes that what he truly wants is to connect with another person.

It is probable that, deep down, Five wants this as well:

The lines of Vanya’s book associated to each sibling underline specific issues that character has. So, it must be the same for Five as well. The quote associated with him talks about craving love and it is meaningful that while Five is reading the book Dolores is visible in the background. As a matter of fact Dolores symbolizes Five’s contradictory nature in the sense that on one hand he wants to have someone close to him, but on the other hand this someone is a mannequine because he can’t bring himself to healthily deal with others. For example, a mannequine will listen to his ramblings without really answering or challenging him, but this makes so that Five can’t really be enriched by it as he could by real people.

This is why it is important that Five says goodbye to Dolores. It is something he must do if he wants to truly go on.

That said, the fact that the threath of the apocalypse is not truly over makes so that Five quickly goes back to his flawed ways. However, he too, like Allison, is given a choice in the last episode:

Handler: “You can abandon your family and skip ahead to the apocalypse (…), or you can stay here with your family, and...die a horrible death”.

And he, just like his sister, chooses a third option:

The result of Five’s final choice is extremely interesting for the whole series. This is because the whole family time-travelling and possibly going back to when they were children has several possibilities both plot-wise and when it comes to the themes of the series. As a matter of fact, since the story is clearly about a dysfunctional family which tries to fix its dynamics it is meaningful that they go back to a time and a form which symbolize these unresolved issues.

VANYA

Vanya represents two kinds of people. At first glance she represents a person who is ordinary and who, because of this, is not able to emerge from the mass. However, it is later revealed that she has within herself a power much stronger than the others and which she can’t control. This power and the way it works make her similar to a person who suffers of some kind of mental illness or at least make her character mentally ill-coded.

This is also evident when one considers her story again after knowing the truth about her powers:

Vanya: “If the benchmark is extraordinary, what do you do if you are not?”

The problem with Vanya’s childhood was not really that she was ordinary, but that she was different from the others. Her lacking some kind of special ability did not make her normal, but rather “special” in a negative way. In a family full of people with super-powers her not having one is perceived as some sort of handicap by the others who, encouraged by Reginald, ended up exluding Vanya even when their missions were not involved.

Let us now consider how Vanya’s powers work.

She concentrates on a sound and lets it grow louder and louder until she can hear only that. At that point her power manifests itself in an explosive way. If you take this process and try to interpret it symbolically, it is obvious that it describes the way Vanya deals with others and herself.

As a matter of fact, she is a person who listens to others, but who rarely expresses herself. As a result she ends up repressing her emotions which then explode in an ugly way hurting others and making so that they are not really able to understand her.

The book Vanya writes before the beginning of the series is nothing more than a hint that this is her modus operandi when it comes to her negative feelings. She has been repressing her anger since she was a child and so she chooses to express it in a book in order to make her voice known and to gain attention. However, by doing so she ends up compromising the relationship with her siblings even more. As a matter of fact they are all too wrapped up in their own issues to truly understand what Vanya really wanted to convey through her book and what they take from it is simply that their sister has hurt them. What is more, they can not believe that Vanya would do something like that:

Ben: “She wrote that? I can’t believe she would do that,”

This is exactly the same reaction they have when she manifests her powers and goes on a rampage:

Luther: “Vanya killed him”.

Diego: “But Vanya wouldn’t”.

Another interesting thing about the book is that it manages to give Vanya some temporary fame, but once it ends she is left even more lonely than before. This fits with the idea that talents and accomplishments can give you only that much without deep personal relationships and so, even if it is right to cultivate one’s talent (as Klaus’s arc shows), one should never let one’s accomplishments become an obsession (as Five and partly Allison and Luther demonstrate).

In short, Vanya’s abilities symbolize her sensitivity (she has an enhanced hearing) and the damage her repressing how she felt did (her powers exploding as she can’t control neither them nor her emotions). This together with other info about her character makes clear how what Vanya needs is a healthy way to express herself and this is underlined also by her pursuing a career in music. Music and writing are two activitites linked to some form of art and Vanya pursues them in an attempt to make herself heard.

The concert she invites her siblings to is precisely this for her. It is a way to convey her feelings to them and to make them proud of her. However, her siblings, except Allison, all fail to understand this because too concentrated on their mission and the bigger picture.

On the other hand Vanya is too caught up in her own issues and personal accomplishments to care about the bigger picture. To be more precise she doesn’t think she can do anything to change it or rather she uses her being “normal” in order to avoid thinking too much about it. This is not something which is admittedly much visible in the season because she is mostly excluded by the main action, but one can catch glimpses of this during her confrontation with Five in the first couple of episodes.

I think this confrontation nicely shows both characters’ problems when it comes to communication.

On one hand Five wants someone to listen to him, but he can’t deal with the questions every normal person would obviously ask him when confronted with the news he brings. He has no patience and doesn’t explain himself. He pretends that the others would immediately be on his same wavelength even if they lack many of his own experiences. In other words, he treats others a little as if they were Dolores and gets frustrated when they are obviously not.

On the other hand Vanya uses the fact that she is supposedly normal to avoid dealing with what Five is telling her and so fails to support him. She even uses her own routine in order to postpone their conversation:

Vanya: “You know what, it’s getting late, and I have lessons early, and I need to sleep, and I’m sure you do, too.”

Vanya avoids having to really confront the truth and deal with Five’s problems being them either the fact that he is traumatized and is hallucinating or the fact that the apocalypse is actually coming. As Vanya herself admits to him:

Vanya: “I guess I didn’t know how to process what you were saying. And I still can’t, to be honest.”

So, she prefers not to really face the problem.

Let us underline that she also uses her routine as an excuse to avoid thinking about her powers:

Vanya: “You know, what I really need to do is practice”.

Harold: “Right, should we pick up where we left off?”

Vanya: “No, the violin. The concert’s tomorrow”.

Once again this coping mechanism has both a positive side and a negative one. On one hand Vanya is right in not wanting to give up the ordinary things which are important to her especially considering what it has been established about her playing the violin in order to express herself. On the other hand she is clearly trying not to face the fact that her life is changing and that there is a part of her she did not know about which is extremely powerful and dangerous.

Finally, let us consider her foiling with Harold.

Handler tries to manipulate Five into leaving behind his positive emotions towards his siblings, whereas Harold tries to manipulate Vanya into giving in to her negative ones towards them.

In other words, Handler as a character explores the dangers of a life too focused on accomplishments and personal success where, in order to obtain them, one has to give up their emotions, whereas Harold explores the dangers of letting one-self caught up in negative feelings to the point of losing sight of everyone else except yourself.

Harold has been so obsessed with his revenge that he chooses to ignore that Vanya’s powers are dangerous and even when he overhears the members of the Academy talking about an apocalypse he could be connected to, he does not stop. This is also why he dies since his arrogance and selfishness led him to treat Vanya as an extension of himself without considering her feelings and the fact that she actually really cares about her family despite it all. Something similar risks to happen to Vanya as well if she keeps going the way she has by the end of the season. 

As a matter of fact, despite Vanya loving her family and her family loving her, they all end up failing each other when it counts the most and Vanya especially is let down one time too much. This is what makes her go on a rampage and ends up giving her character a symbolic meaning, especially considering what Five says at the end of the series:

Five: “The apocalypse will always happen and Vanya will always be the cause, unless we take her with us and fix her” ,

This line summarizes what the series is about and I think this is how things will be solved in the end even if before that I can see the siblings still screwing up when it comes to Vanya and interpreting the word “to fix” in a way they should not.

That said, I think they will arrive there eventually and at the end of the first season they have all grown.

This is evident when comparing two choices they make respectively at the beginning and at the end of the season.

The first choice is about killing Grace, whereas the second one is about killing Vanya.

By comparing each sibling’s stance at the beginning with the one at the end you can see their development or their lack of it.

Luther is the one who has grown the least since he starts the series wanting to switch Grace off and he ends it wanting to stop Vanya at all costs.

Diego starts the series against the idea of switching off Grace, but he is also the one who ends up doing it secretly without respecting the outcome of the vote. In the end he has doubts about stopping Vanya, but he accepts what the group decides and works with the others.

Allison is the one whose stance completely changes at the end of the series compared to the one she had in the beginning. As a matter of fact she starts the series standing with Luther, but she ends it by directly opposing him.

Klaus does not change his stance since he does not want to kill neither Grace nor Vanya, but he goes from giving selfish reasons for his choice (like wanting to spite Luther) to actually offering more serious arguments. What is more, at the beginning he tries to cheat manipulating Ben’s vote (which nobody is counting anyway), whereas in the end he conveys Ben’s true feelings when it comes to Five’s idea of travelling in time. Moreover, him siding with Diego at the beginning since he is the only one who tries to help and to look after Klaus suggests how important being helpful towards a person can help in obtaining their understanding and cooperation and this idea will be explored to the fullest with Vanya and Allison’s relationship.

Five in the end sides with Luther and shows that he is still reasoning according to the Commission’s principles, but in his case the development is in the fact that he is actually present when they are voting while he was not when they had to decide what to do about Grace.

Finally, Vanya obviously does not get to vote in the end and this underlines how she has grown distant from her family. That said, her voting against switching Grace off underlines that she cares about individuals more than she does about a common good and so it is probable that her love for people will be what will motivate her in the future.