#great empathy and sympathy
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I have got to become the me I used to be.. or rather now, I have always wanted to be. The best. Inside and out. Mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and physically. Entirely. I need to be the person I’ve always wanted to be. The person I always knew I am. Soon. A complete burn out and rebirth. I need to set it all alight and watch it build and morph into something new and beautiful. I am determined to. I have to. I need to.
#A woman of integrity#grace#wisdom#heart#great empathy and sympathy#intelligence#care#consideration#valour#hard work#resilience#kindness#magnificent wit and humour#good reason#a safe space#absolutely gorgeous#just stunning#efffortlessly cool and stylish#down to earth#humble and lovely#all around just a warm and lovely person.#the me I know I am. the me that feels like me. that feels like home. the best version of me.
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Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".
[plain-text version of this post can be found under the cut]
Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"
And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".
Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.
At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.
So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!
Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!
Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!
Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.
Plain-text version:
Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".
Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"
And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".
Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.
At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.
So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!
P.S. Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!
Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!
Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.
#hlep#original#mental health#my sympathies and empathies to anyone who has to rely on this kind of hlep to get what they need.#the people in my life who most need to see this post are my family but even if they did I sincerely doubt they would internalize it#i've tried to break thru to them so many times it makes my head hurt. so i am focusing on boundaries and on finding other forms of support#and this thing i learned today helps me validate those boundaries. the example with the milk was from my therapist.#the example with the towing company was a real thing that happened with my parents a few months ago while I was age 28. 28!#a full adult age! it is so infantilizing as a disabled adult to seek assistance and support from ableist parents.#they were real mad i was mad tho. and the spoons i spent trying to explain it were only the latest in a long line of#huge family-related spoon expenditures. distance and the ability to enforce boundaries helps. haven't talked to sisters for literally the#longest period of my whole life. people really believe that if they love you and try to help you they can do no wrong.#and those people are NOT great allies to the chronically sick folks in their lives.#you can adore someone and still fuck up and hurt them so bad. will your pride refuse to accept what you've done and lash out instead?#or will you have courage and be kind? will you learn and grow? all of us have prejudices and practices we are not yet aware of.#no one is pure. but will you be kind? will you be a good friend? will you grow? i hope i grow. i hope i always make the choice to grow.#i hope with every year i age i get better and better at making people feel the opposite of how my family's ableism has made me feel#i will see them seen and hear them heard and smile at their smiles. make them feel smart and held and strong.#just like i do now but even better! i am always learning better ways to be kind so i don't see why i would stop
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“Keep me away from the wisdom
which does not cry,
the philosophy
which does not laugh
and the greatness
which does not bow before children. ”
Khalil Gibran.
#quote of the day#quote of today#inspirational#inspiring quote#khalil gibran#wisdom#philosophy#greatness#care#compassion#empathy#sympathy#crying#tears#happiness#humor#joy#laughter#children#little folks#life lessons#life with a meaning#life worth living#make a change#make a difference#think about it#what matters
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if you voted for him because it “doesn’t affect you”:
the women in your life are affected by this. your mothers, wives, sisters, and daughters are affected by this. the queer and trans people in your life are affected by this. the people of color in your lives are affected by this. you have taught all of these people that their stories don’t matter when it comes to electing the president of the united states. you knew what he did and what he’s going to do. you just didn’t care.
you are affected by this through the lives of other people you were supposed to care about.
#but hey the economy will be great right! so the rest of it doesn’t matter!#I’m scared for a lot of things but right now I’m thinking of the next generation#I hope they grow up to be okay#I hope they’re taught sympathy and empathy and good morals#I hope they don’t have to suffer for the next four years#I feel sick
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Sometimes I despise dealing with everything.
#statchiscreams#putting this in the tags because this is a wild fucking take#I'm so fucking tired of scrolling past fundraisers and getting asks about fundraisers and getting dms about fundraisers and seeing...#posts about fundraisers#maybe it's the constant emotional emptiness and distance but I cannot bring myself to care#and that makes me feel like a monster#I am for the most part nearly incapable of having any care for the problems of other folks if it doesn't affect me#great for a god horrible for a human#empathy and sympathy are not my strongsuits and in their absence all I feel is unending irritating#I'd apologize for venting but quite frankly I don't care. that's what the tag is for
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Literally HATE that I have affection for Shep Rose but goddamn it, even after everything awful he's said and done, I do. I literally teared up over this man talking about his alcoholism (without ever calling it that) in spite of knowing he's probably not gonna change his behaviors.
I can cringe over the women who wanna have sex with him, but at the end of the day I'm WORSE bc I wouldn't fuck him but I still have tenderness in my heart for him. UGH.
#bravo posting#southern charm#throw the whole man away#that's the only hope#he's just. the kind of guy I knew from youth group who was awful at school (a jock who would ignore/make fun of me) but cool at church stuff#who i then saw around town and had great chats with at the coffee shop#he feels like home???#in the best and worst ways???#truly one of my red flag toxic traits is my sympathy (empathy?) for him#ugh
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idk why my mother(s) believe they’re the only ones my father has hurt
like they’re surprised when my siblings and i express our unfavorable opinions of him
and yeah he fucked things up for both of them at many turns, and there’s a special kind of hurt that comes from infidelity and betrayal
but this negligence and deceit and confusion and constantly unmet needs and broken promises and the turn on a fucking dime anger has been our whole lives
#they were so determined to let us develop our own opinions that they seem to be surprised that we see him for who he is#i have great sympathy for my father empathy too in some areas#i can never forgive him and i resent that i still care for him#into the ether
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Anyways, I’m gonna talk about something me and a co-worker chatted about yesterday.
We were talking about how some people like to look at other people in very black and white terms and how that’s usually never the case with actual people. As a writer myself, I’m constantly aware of how people act, speak, and react to the world around them, because I want to create realistic characters with natural dialogue. People themselves are complex creatures that, as alien as it sounds, I like to study. I’m fascinated by how people act sometimes, and that was no different last year during the event that kinda fucked me up for the last half of 2021.
Half of me was being a traumatic mess during that, but the other half of me was analyzing how all of the people around me were acting. I take notes how people treat me, and those around me. I can’t begin to tell you how many times my friends will tell me something traumatic/sad that happened to them, and then right afterwards I say: “wait, that gives me an idea for TDA.” (I’m not being an ass about this, and it’s not anything super bad).
I guess maybe I’m just that level of “treated with therapy” that when someone is mean to me, I stop and start taking notes and apply it to my work. Like “yes, please, go on with being an asshole, I’m taking notes.” Because I also want to understand what led someone to say something like that to me; what about their behavior, their beliefs leads to remarks like that. What about their character makes them act like such an asshole? And yeah, sometimes the simple answer is “they just are”, but idk, I like to dig deeper than that to really understand why people act the way they do.
#this is coming from someone who doesn't like 80% of people mind you#i've been told many times i would make a great therapist but i have zero sympathy so it's kinda impossible for me to be so#lots of empathy but no sympathy#deep dive
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I’ve just watched Hellraiser and it was so cool you know? I’ve already added Pinhead to my mental list of ‘people who are I think are cool and who I think I’d have a crush on if I wasn’t ace (it’s like I subconsciously identify them as people to have a crush on but my brain never gets any further except a vague sense of cool-ness but its different to the normal way of thinking a person is cool)’.
After this I’ve definitely identified what horror films I like - more sci fi or fantasy films with lots and lots of practical effects, fake blood and just lots of gunge. There’s a reason why I watched The Thing and it went straight up to one of my favourite films ever, and Hellraiser looks set to follow. I really want to watch The Fly, because if I’m not mistaken that’ll give me plenty of fun practical effects and alien slime.
#I guess another way to put the crush-not-crush thing is that they’re very easy on the eyes#there’s no desire or anything there#but I could spend a long time just looking at them#horror films with a strong sci fi or fantasy theme are#so much more interesting to me than just another serial killer#I’m probably overthinking this because lots of people enjoy horror#but I worry about displaying how much I liked watching Hellraiser. I don’t want to come off too enthusiastic about the gore#plus Ive always been the person who enjoyed dissections the most in class#idk. it’s probably nothing#(Insert witty comment about autism and low empathy)#(just wanna stress. real actual pain is horrible and terrible. I don’t think I could inflict it knowingly on anything. and I suck at coping#with it myself. I guess low empathy but very high sympathy?)#can’t go a single post without over sharing can I?#anyway if you’re interested the other people on the crush-not-crush list are#Albert Wesker. Jareth from Labyrinth. Fox Mulder. Andrew Eldritch (but like. as of 1987). Neo (he’s a weird one. when I first watched#the matrix I wanted to be him so badly. not the OP hacker powers either. just to look and be that cool. I don’t know if he should be here)#and now Pinhead#I reckon there’s loads of R34 of pinhead and I want to see exactly none of it#I guess I’ll just have to rewatch the film? (sarcasm)#anyway. I don’t know why I made this post#maybe I should get an actual diary or something so I don’t keep just spilling my soul onto the internet#also The Thing contains everything a good horror film needs imo. big scary monster? suspense as the crew turn against each other?#big explosions? an ever expanding threat? everything covered in blood and alien gunge?#it’s great
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'"Keep me away from the wisdom
which does not cry,
the philosophy
which does not laugh
and the greatness
which does not bow before children."
Khalil Gibran.
#quote of the day#quote of today#inspiring quotes#khalil gibran#wisdom#philosophy#greatness#empathy#sympathy#cry#happiness#joy#laughter#humbleness#respect#bow#children
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The Power of Sympathy, Knowledge, and Poise
Unlocking the Power of Sympathy, Knowledge & Poise. Explore the art of embodying sophistication, empathy, and wisdom. #WizBlog #HealthandWellness #Sympathy #Knowledge #Poise
When it comes to the essence of a true gentleman, three essential traits stand out: sympathy, knowledge, and poise. These ingredients form the foundation of a well-rounded individual who not only exudes class and sophistication but also possesses empathy and understanding for others. With these qualities at hand, one can truly embody what it means to be a gentleman in today’s society. The…
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#Balancing emotions and intellect#Cultivating inner character#Embodying sophistication#Empathetic understanding#Enriching lives through empathy#Gentleman attributes#Graceful demeanor#Health and Wellness#Knowledge and wisdom#Sympathy and empathy#tap into your creativity#True greatness qualities#wisdom and royalty#WizBlog
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event is almost on and i can use the 600% exp to get to 100 faster
#sammy liveblogs about granblue#sammy be quiet#:\ i mean i knew it was gunna result in caim getting his memory back making him a pos (derogatory)#like early caim i was like wow i hate this kid 0/10 and then he turned into no thoughts head empty#and i was like 11/10 great character development#i can only hope watching the lv 100 fate will mean character development with his insufferable personality#like im not going to sit here and debate with a 10 year old that intelligence is worthless without compassion and sympathy#you can be low empathy and still not be an asshole#like his parents shouldn't have done what they did and i'm not denying that#but the hanged man did imply bad things happened to the older couple who tried to help him#and then the cycle repeated over and over#like i get your 10 but if you're so goddamn smart have you not considered that you are the common denominator in this situation#okay i need to stop here and not keep going
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09/29/24; 02:45pm
{ drabbles / headcanons }
[ when you’re on your period ]
featuring: sylus, zayne, xavier, rafayel + bonus
when sylus found you curled up in bed, unable to move or utter a sentence that didn't begin with a whimper-
he knew that it was that time of the month once more, causing you to trap yourself in a cocoon made from your blankets while surrounded by your favorite plushies. after finishing his routine for the day, sylus adjusts his tie, rufescent eyes filled with sympathy for you. with a gentle hum of your name, he settles himself beside your cocoon, feeling his added weight make the mattress dip in response.
you weakly peek at him from beneath the confines of your comforter, making sylus chuckle in response as he gently brushed back your hair. "hey sweetheart, how are you feeling?"
"i could be better..." cue another whimper escaping from you, the sudden jolt of pain felt rippling across your abdomen as you curled up even further into your cocoon. with a sigh of your name, sylus leans forward to press a lingering kiss against your hair.
"i know how painful this is for you, so you just remain in bed for as long as you need to. alert luke or kieran if you need anything, and i'll make sure mephisto keeps an eye on you as well."
"don't you think that's overkill, sy?" your grumbling words manages to earn a chuckle from sylus, with him leaning down to press another lingering kiss against your hair.
"please, nothing is too over the top for me, especially when it comes to you, darling."
while sylus wished for nothing more than to remain by your side as you went through so much pain, he had a busy day ahead of him and responsibilities he could not quite drop at the last minute. with his itinerary in mind, he says his goodbyes to you once more before leaving your shared bedroom.
while leaving the mansion, he gives luke and kieran strict orders to leave you alone and remain on their best behavior, reminding them that they were only allowed to enter his bedroom if and when you needed anything. the twins both give him a mock salute, promising him that they would take care of you and protect you when needed.
the hours go by, and despite the several meetings and conferences he attended with potential clients, his mind would always inevitably go back to you. when moving from place to place, sylus would stop by a gift shop or store, picking up some items he knew you would need.
by the late evening, sylus returns home with numerous bags in his hand. kieran was the first to greet him, letting out a low whistle. "wow, can i just say whipped much?"
"shut it." sylus grunts at him, demanding that he alert the cooks so that they can prepare dinner for you. giving him another mock salute, kieran's laughter was heard echoing throughout the hallways, making a vein pop against his forehead.
taking great strides towards the room, he opens the door, feeling his prior annoyance disappear and the way his heart melts with empathy for you. you were still settled in bed, with the blankets wrapped around you. "i'm home, sweetheart."
"sylus...!" happiness was seen in your gaze when you get out of your cocoon, making his heart race at the mere sight of you. he joins you in bed, pulling you into his lap while giving you the various bags. you giggle, setting aside the feminine pads, eyes taking in the various snacks he had bought for you. upon feeling an ice cold carton, your mood becomes significantly better seeing your favorite flavor of ice cream. you end up grabbing the ice cream as you tossed aside the lid and dug into it with the provided spoon.
your lover chuckles in amusement, tracing the tip of his nose against your hair, "do you feel better now?"
"yes." you answer him with a giggle, cuddling your body even closer to his as you felt the aches and pain of your period slowly melt away while in his embrace.
"ah, i see that you are menstruating."
heat was felt against your cheeks when zayne notices your sour mood and the blood stains seen against the sheets. this was your first month living together with him, and despite how you couldn't help or control the intensity of your cycle, you still felt embarrassed.
"s-sorry, i should have slept with a towel beneath me. i'll be sure to wash-"
but zayne cuts off your nervous rants while saying your name in a stern (but gentle) tone, "there's no need to feel embarrassed. what you're going through is just part of a female's anatomy. it's something you can't control, and i'm not upset with you at all."
you pout at him, hiding your face beneath the blankets while speaking to zayne, almost dejectedly, "i guess you're right."
zayne sighs, looking away from you all while adjusting his tie. "i have to work soon, will you be alright by yourself?"
you meet his gaze, your heart racing with anticipation. deep down, you wanted to experience what it was like to be in zayne's embrace, having him comfort you through your pain and discomfort that came with your cycle. yet, you didn't want to be a selfish girlfriend, or have him dislike you when your relationship was still so fresh and new to you and him both.
"n-no, i think i'll be fine, zayne. i'll see you tonight, okay?"
zayne gives you a stiff nod, already closing the door to your bedroom before stepping outside. you felt a little disappointed, watching as zayne left you with little hesitation. with plans to pout yourself to sleep, you let out a huff and ducked your head beneath the covers, curling into a fetal position to help with easing the excruciating pain that came with your cramps.
you were ready to close your eyes when the door opens once more, revealing zayne. sitting up in bed, you run a hand through your hair, trying to hide your pout, "what is it? did you forget something?"
he shakes his head in response, "no, it didn't feel right to leave you here all alone. even if i did go to work, my mind would be preoccupied with you and your sad face."
you were about to deny that you felt sad at the thought of him leaving, yet the words refused to come out of your mouth. instead, you watch as zayne takes off his tie, unbuttoning his shirt before rejoining you in bed.
"don't worry." a soft chuckle was heard against your ear, "i already called in and decided to use one of my pto days. another surgeon will take my place for the day, and i'll come back in a few days, when you feel better."
it takes you a herculean effort to hide your grin, and when you couldn't handle it anymore, you hid your face within his chest. "but you're the best cardiac surgeon akso hospital has."
"and there are other competent surgeons as well." zayne answers you, and you could hear the smile in his voice.
as he rubs comforting circles against your abdomen, you felt your eyelids grow heavier. unable to remain awake, you fell into a peaceful slumber while in zayne's embrace, smiling in your sleep when you felt something soft pressed against your hair.
a soft moan was the sole form of communication you could manage when xavier wakes up in the middle of the night, feeling your jostling movements against the shared bed.
"hey, what is it? what's wrong?" his voice was thick with sleep, blue eyes lazily looking down at you and how you were practically clinging to him. another whimper was heard coming from you, with your body practically curling up against his.
"sorry, these cramps seem to hit me at the worst times." you manage to admit to your hunter boyfriend, making his eyes go wide when he sees the spot of blood against his sheets. he hears another whimper coming from you, and finally decides to pull you even closer to him. knowing that you were in pain makes xavier hyper-focused on helping you feel better.
"sssh, it's okay, i'm here, i'm here." xavier adjusts his hold on you, purposely cradling your body against his. with your back pressed against his chest, he allows the palm of his hand to flatten against your abdomen, trying to massage the cramps that you felt.
with his gentle massages and soft words of reassurance, you visibly began to relax, letting out a soft moan while pressing yourself even closer to his chest. no words were spoken as xavier continues to comfort you. "it's late at night, so there's not much i can do, but when morning comes, i can take you out to get breakfast at your favorite café."
your pain manages to ease up, allowing you to practically melt against him. feeling drowsy now, you give xavier a nod, turning around so that you could hide your face within his chest. "mhmm, sounds good... xavier."
the young hunter chuckles, pressing one last kiss against your forehead, taking a moment to admire your sleeping features before closing his eyes once more, not daring to let you go as he keeps you pressed against him.
rafayel was able to sense when it was that time of the month for you. you didn't have to complain about your pain or how uncomfortable it was.
in fact, your lover actually takes a break from work, setting his artworks to the side while tending to your every need. him spoiling you so much makes you utterly giddy, unable to contain your happiness as rafayel took care of you during your time of need.
from ordering all of your favorite foods, to hand feeding you your favorite desserts, it was easy to say that he treated you like a queen while in his care. and it was thanks to his thorough care that you found your monthly cycles to be much more bearable.
at the end of the day, rafayel keeps you in his embrace, stripping both you and him of your clothes before preparing a bath for you. while the porcelain tub fills with water, the artist takes a moment to select your favorite scented bubbles before pouring it into the warm waters.
as the bubbles began to multiply with the rapidly filling water, rafayel shuts off the faucet, giving you a mischievous grin before entering the tub with you still in his arms. your giggles echo throughout the bathroom, and you felt so content and happy while hiding your face within the base of his throat.
with a hum of your name, rafayel places the palm of his hand against your naked abdomen, his touch becoming much warmer than usual. even though the slight heat was something that was new to you, you basked in it, allowing the heat to course through you, taking away the pain.
"rafayel... what- what are you doing?"
you feel the way your boyfriend shrugs, pressing a kiss against your damp hair, "i used a bit of my evol to warm my hands... it's something that i've been trying to perfect to help you in situations like this."
you were now filled with love for him, eyes gazing at him with absolute adoration. with your body practically seeking rafayel's warm touch, you eagerly press yourself closer to him, basking in his rich chuckles as he meets your gaze, leaning down to give you a searing kiss that conveys the depths of his love for you.
"don't you think you're being a bit too overdramatic?" caleb calls out your name in an exasperated manner, but you could only manage a weak glare at him in response.
"i am not being too overdramatic, i'm in serious pain right now, caleb! but of course, you wouldn't know since you never had to deal with this type of pain." your words send a wave of empathy through him, and he figured that you were right, that he didn't know what you were going through.
your boyfriend lets out a sigh, eyes trailing over your figure as you remained hunched over and curled up in bed. knowing that you were probably in too much pain to move, he starts searching through your apartment, grabbing the necessary items before bringing them to you.
"alright, time to scoot over." you grumble and whine some more, making room for caleb all while letting out soft whines here and there. caleb manages to place you within his arms, taking advantage of his strength when he sits up in bed, placing you on his lap while allowing you to cling to him.
he opens the cold bottle of water, offering you two tablets of your pain medicine to take. even through your pouts, you take the medication and swallow both tablets while draining the water bottle. along with the medicine, he offers you a bag of snacks he had bought for you earlier, unwrapping them for you. as he offers one of the snack cakes to you, his smile widens, watching as you cutely bite into it.
"that's my good girl." he teases you, cooing at you as you could feel the heat against your cheeks. enjoying just how close you were to him, caleb presses several kisses against your cheek, not stopping until you were left a giggling mess.
"how about we just stay indoors, and i can order some chinese takeout for both of us for dinner tonight?" your boyfriend asks you all while gently massaging at your tender abdomen.
you hum in agreement to his plans, already opening a chocolate bar as you bit into it, all while leaning into his form. basking in his warmth, you relax while in his embrace, already feeling better as your lover spent the entire day taking care of you without a single complaint.
and you couldn't have been happier at the fact that you had managed to capture the heart of someone so perfect.
end notes: i am on my period;;; and i am d y i n g 🫠 i would love to have these lads men spoil me in my time of need,,,,,, currently unedited but i’ll make any changes once this is posted ♡
all stories are written by rei; please do not repost, plagiarize, or translate my works!!
#sylus x reader#sylus x you#sylus x y/n#zayne x reader#zayne x you#zayne x y/n#xavier x reader#xavier x you#xavier x y/n#rafayel x reader#rafayel x you#rafayel x y/n#love and deepspace x reader#lads x reader#lnds x reader#l&ds x reader#caleb x reader#caleb x you#caleb x y/n#writings 📖
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Midway
a/n a small-ish fic of someone comforting aegon bc i feel bad for him 😭
Summary: You did not choose to be Aegon's wife, and yet you seem to be the only one choosing to be there for him during his recovery.
Warnings/info: forced marriage turned to awkward, subtle pining masquerading as uneasy friendship, vague descriptions of life threatening injuries, canon compliant incest (reader is rhaenyra's daughter)
read part 2 here: A Matter of Timing
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Hushed whispers, as stale and sterile as the fresh gauze being stretched and pulled taut against his skin. The rasp of his breathing scrapes at the air that manages to pull itself into your own lungs.
"It is..." Alicent stalls, her gaze never leaving her eldest son, "A lot, I know." Her eyes are wide, glossier than you've ever seen them. An odd sort of empathy presses itself against your chest, making a full breath feel like even more of a fantasy.
Your sympathies and courteously vague expressions of understanding and mutual hurt are things Alicent has no use for. She's tolerated you like an inherited dress that doesn't quite fit, only begrudgingly acknowledging you when surrounded by family.
These days, her barely there tolerance for you has grown even weaker, considering the reports your handmaid had delivered to you of Alicent's attempts to convince the council to lock you away after your mother's retaliation to Aegon's coronation. An imprisonment only prevented by Aegon's command.
She lets out a breath, her attention briefly dropping to the ground before settling on you. "But you are his wife."
A fact she's only come to accept because of your blood. As Rhaenyra's daughter, your marriage had been a compromise, a final attempt at merging a divided family before your grandsire's passing. If your mother had known how quickly Aegon's supporters would have pushed him towards the throne...
You nod your head slowly, dismissing thoughts of yourself. For the first time since your union, the context of your arrangement does not cloud all else. "Yes."
There had been no attempts made to gloss over the extent of Aegon's injuries. For once, the heart of the Red Keep prioritized reality over projecting strength and invulnerability. The maesters had warned you, had detailed the damages left behind by the flames and the fall. An attack strong enough to kill a dragon.
"I um...I tried to visit him earlier, when he first returned." The surprise of your own honesty is an afterthought, a barely there thing attempting to occupy the little space left in your mind. "They said he was not yet stable."
Alicent is silent, some distant quality hollowing her stare as she watches the maester. His movements are succinct, precise as he quietly instructs a maid to bring him a salve left on the table. How many times in these last few days has he gone through this process? How many more times will a maester need to dress Aegon's wounds and rebandage him?
"Stable seems relative." Alicent blinks, her attention returning to what's directly in front of her. She turns to face you. "I trust that you'll sit with him, keep him company after the maester is finished."
Aegon's thoughts on your company have shifted several times throughout the short time you've been married. He often goes through periods of indifference followed by fleeting displays of interest that feel eerily close to companionship. Not quite a friendship or a romance, but something warm and comfortable. Mutual glances shared over supper, peaceful moments in the hall, occasionally crawling into the other's beds at night like children that cannot find sleep on their own.
Some skeptical part of you wonders if Alicent's sudden interest in your wifely responsibilities has more to do with punishing you than caring for Aegon. You doubt she considers you some great source of comfort in her son's life. At least you don't mind the thought of staying here, away from prying eyes and whispers that your privileges within the Red Keep should be restricted until the realm is no longer so divided. "Of course."
She nods once. "There--there is much to be decided upon in Aegon's absence." Alicent lets out a rigid breath. Perhaps Alicent really does want to know that someone's with Aegon. "I should go."
"I will keep him company, your grace."
With that, Alicent spares Aegon a final glance before turning to leave. You remain near the entrance of Aegon's bedchambers, far enough away to not impact the maester and his work.
You watch the process openly. Aegon's burns and other injuries are meticulously cleaned, white cloth stained dark as it is dragged against his skin. Salves and balms are lathered onto his wounds, concoctions meant to promote healing and ward off infection. The final step of the process involves the freshly cleaned wound being rebandaged.
The maester works at an expert pace, treating Aegon's body in sections. Before you know it, he's stepping back to assess the results of his efforts. The maester then looks over at you.
You've never been in a position to be responsible over someone so injured. Are you meant to...dismiss him? Approve his work? Ask something? "Is he..." Well seems like a terrible overstatement. You force yourself to take a few steps forward. "How is he?"
He briefly presses his lips together. "Much more stable than he was previously, your grace. I am afraid that I cannot yet predict much about his recovery. As of now, the priority is preventing infection."
You allow your gaze to fall onto Aegon. There's something about the way he's lying there, immobile and broken and smaller than he should be. "Right. Well, thank you."
The maester nods, "It is my honor, your grace."
He begins to gather his supplies before leaving. At the maester's absence, the maid that had been assisting him turns towards you. "Is there anything you need, your grace?"
You briefly consider sending her out for water or asking her to bring you a book you left in your own apartments. A menial task would ensure her return, which would mean you'd have a temporary reprieve from being alone with Aegon like this. "No, I'm alright. You are free to go."
She nods at the dismissal, "Thank you, my queen."
Queen. The title that belongs to your mother in her own right, not as a position inherited towards marriage.
The girl leaves, her quiet footsteps nearly drowned out by Aegon's unsteady breathing. You watch her until she's disappeared through the doorway, and then for awhile longer. When you can no longer justify your silence, you step forward.
Standing so close to the foot of Aegon's bed tugs at something deep inside of you. He is so still, so without defense. Like this, he does not seem like a man desperate to cement his position, or the person you never wished to be bonded to in this way, or even the only one who you allowed to enter your apartments after news of your brother's death arrived at the Red Keep. Now, he only seems like a boy trapped midway between where he lies and death.
Though bandaged and burned, the entirety of Aegon's features have not been destroyed. The shape of his nose, the part of his lips still familiar. His hair had not been a priority, and while the maester did brush it back to work on him, the disheveled strands have fallen forward again.
You move away from his bed's edge with careful steps. Before you can overthink the act, your hand moves to his forehead. As gently as you can will yourself to, you unplaster the hair stuck to the oily salves on his forehead. Your fingers catch themselves on silvery knots. You begin to pick apart the largest tangles as best as you can without a comb.
It's not an easy task, sweat and product cementing the knots into place. "I'd hate it if no one brushed my hair." The words come out on instinct, the desire to justify your proximity the way you would if he was awake. In all honesty, you're not sure if he can hear you.
The process is slow and clumsy, nails separating strands for you to comb through. Up close like this, you can almost pretend that this is restful for him. He still doesn't look well, but from here you can focus on his shut eyes and parted lips. Your hand drifts away from his hairline, fingertips fluttering over bandages and brushing against unmarred skin.
Something awfully sentimental attempts to claw its way up your throat. "I'll go get a comb." You pull your arm away from him. "I'll--I'll be back, I promise."
You take a single step back before turning your back to him. The maester deemed him stable, which means that he will not spontaneously pass if left alone for a moment. You'll only leave to fetch a comb and maybe a book so that you have something to read aloud. He's never loved your novels, but it's the only way you can think to keep him com--
A soft sound, so gentle and brief you could almost convince yourself you imagined it if it wasn't for the distinctness of the word. Your name.
You stall. Perhaps you misheard something else, maybe a stuttering of his breathing or the room settling. You turn.
He remains unchanged--body in the same position it's been in this entire time and eyes still shut. The supposed whisper should be dismissible.
You step forward, voice fragile as you ask, "Aegon?"
For a moment, pressed between the audible strain between his breaths, a faint optimism pulses through you. Weeks of being a bride, a queen of the realm hated by all those around her, and your only form of protection has, ironically, been the man that's bound you to this place.
The hope fluttering in your stomach quickly morphs into something closer to dread. He is not awake. He is not well enough to call for you or any--a shift, a turn of his outstretched hand so small and inconsequential you likely would not have noticed if it was any less needed.
Ignoring the blurring edges of your vision, you move towards his bedside in quick strides. Without thinking, your hand finds his. "I know that this union is not one you entered willingly. I am also aware of the fact that you know I did not ask for this either." You've not often held Aegon's hand, but now you're glad for his tangibility. "But you--you have not been cruel. You've actually been surprisingly patient, even when I have given you reason not to be."
His palm is warm against yours, the familiarity of it strangely assuring. The few times you've laid together for the sake of duty, the heat of Aegon's skin had been one of the few aspects of the process that you were reluctantly drawn to.
"At times, you have been kind..." You blink in an attempt to dismiss the stinging behind your eyes. "Friendly, even." Your hold on him tightens. "And I miss that. I--I miss our friendship."
The grief in your chest is a hybrid thing, made up just as much out of your empathy and fear as it is by your hurt. It's a sensation so dizzying, you nearly pour your panic out to him. You have to bite your tongue to avoid asking him to not leave you alone here.
Tears are beginning to prick the corner of your eyes when you feel his fingers bend around yours. Aegon squeezes your hand with a barely recognizable force.
He's--he's awake. "Aegon?"
His hold on you does not falter as a faint sigh escapes his lips, a midway of his own.
- - - -
a/n not to offer a part 2 to everything i write but i have an idea for a second fic that’s connected to this so if ur interested lmk :)))
#hotd#hotd x reader#aegon x reader#aegon targaryen x reader#aegon the second x reader#aegon the second#aegon#aegon targaryen#house of the dragon#house of the dragon x reader
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Random Character Profiles
Prodigal slacker. An exceptional intellect, capable of solving complex problems with ease, but absolutely no drive or motivation to apply their abilities towards any practical endeavors. Others are often frustrated by the wasted talent, but they couldn't care less. If their ideas are so great, someone else can come up with them. They're just here to laze around and have fun.
Loveable annoyance. A mind that dances on the border of sanity, and a perpetual source of simultaneous amusement and irritation. They delight in making puns and bad jokes at the expense of others' patience. Undeniably loveable nonetheless.
Reluctant recluse. They present a facade of rugged independence, portraying themselves as one who thrives on solitude and despises the company of others. They project an air of indifference towards others, often dismissing any attempts at connection or sympathy with a sharp retort or a cold shoulder. But beneath this tough exterior lies a soft spot reserved for the select few who have managed to breach their defenses—though they're reluctant to show it, going to great lengths to conceal the affection they view as weakness. Their stubborn refusal to accept help or acknowledge their own struggles stems from a fiercely guarded sense of pride, manifested in their vehement denial of any signs of weakness or vulnerability, even when they're visibly on the brink of death.
Sister figure. Sharp-witted and quick-tongued; will shame, embarrass, and ruthlessly tease. Their sarcasm is as much a display of fondness as it is merciless. Fiercely affectionate, extremely caring, unwaveringly loyal. Will put themself in danger for those they love, and will not hesitate to hurt anyone who offends or hurts those they care for; but mess up, and their sternness could make a warrior sob.
Impressively patient. Reserved, caring, mature, typically polite and tolerant to an extreme extent. May lash out occasionally. Possessive of a quiet strength, tending to observe situations with a thoughtful demeanor. Their reserved nature can be mistaken for aloofness despite their deep well of empathy and care for those around them. They navigate social interactions with a polite grace; however, beneath this composed exterior lies a potential for volatility on the rare occasions when they are pushed to their limit. Often the peacekeeper in friend groups.
People hater. Seems perpetually done with everything and everyone. Specialises in dry remarks and diminishing enthusiasm. General mood killer. However, their outward projection of disdain and superiority is really a mask of their own feelings of inadequacy.
Feel free to add on any other character descriptions you like! Happy writing ❤
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#writeblr#writing#writing tips#writing help#writing resources#creative writing#character description#character development#character traits#character design#writing characters#character writing#deception-united
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i am starting to come to terms with the fact that I cannot solve every problem, especially those which do not involve me personally.
#yeah it sucks#but i just need to leave it alone and offer support at most#and if im in a better place than someone else I don't have to feel guilt for that#my happiness for myself and sadness for others can walk hand in hand#(slight divergence thats a great romance pl- wait nvm thats just the movie inside out still a good premise though)#i am allowed to be happy indepently of everyone else#and sad too#but everyone else has just as much right to that#and it even if it hurts you need to accept it#because sometimes the worst thing you can do is try to help#(i realize that some statements on these posts i make seem incorrect or controversial. this is because I have no patience to typd out#every cognitive leap and stray thought that weaves together the statement and its history.#i spent too much of my time focused on others to an unhealthy amount without considering or caring about myself.#so yes I have debeloped empathy and sympathy and i know how important others are#but thats not my focus right now#i just want to get to know myself#and be a better me than i was yesterday.)
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