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screamingaboutaceattorney · 2 years ago

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liveblogging the great ace attorney: the adventure of the great departure-trial part 3

hoo boy. been a while, huh? sorry about that, i don't have an excuse. however! i'm here now, for an..... admittedly stupid reason (i saw a compilation of this game's prosecutor objecting and needed to know if it was real or not)

again, sorry for the shitty quality, i can't transfer pics off of my switch for shit. i did add image ids this time though!

reactions under the cut! also i won't have screenshots for all of my thoughts cause i took like a hundred screenshots and there just isn't room

oh shit women weren't allowed in the courtroom unless they were testifying (or on trial probably)? did not know that but also i'm not a lawyer irl nor do i want to be one it kinda sounds like hell

ma'am did you steal this (also love how everyone's crowded behind the defense bench it's very cute)

also apparently susato is sixteen, which means no forced heterosexuality! yay!

something about curare, continuing the long tradition of ace attorney giving fictional elements stupid names (except atroquinine, but i am deeply deeply attached to aa4's characters and story so i might be biased)

edit: i’m an idiot and curare is a real thing. thank you for correcting me @addicted-to-12th-intro!

will you just shut the fuck up

man this poison is like a really fucked up way to die? goddamn

sorry for pics of auchi twice in a row but that's not. there are no rules about this shit

oh she's racist yuck (this might not be a new thing idk it's been over a year since i last played the game)

I'M????????????? MA'AM WHAT THE HELL

AND THEN SHE'S FINE? WHAT THE FUCK

phoenix's true ancestor istg /j

do you think about me being a lawyer often? gayass

bro WHAT

HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA

GOD THAT'S SUCH A FUNNY SPRITE HOLY SHIT

alright i'm sorry i just had to share that

HOSONAGA WHY AREN'T YOU DOING ANYTHING THIS IS A SERIOUS PROBLEM

AND THEN SHE JUST FUCKING DESTROYED THE EVIDENCE???? WHAT

yeah i can't excuse that actually that was really fucking dumb of you

okay i hate to agree with auchi here i really do but the thing about ryu "just remembering" the bloodstain is pretty out there

hosonaga apparently is here to save my ass and be really. pretty weird actually

like thanks for bringing the evidence but maybe care about what your superiors think of it

also is this a regular occurrence cause if so maybe. do something about that.

cackling at the judge calling hosonaga "man" that's really fucking funny

god okay this next part took me FOREVER cause i didn't realize i could examine the evidence while presenting it and i was down to my last badge before i figured it out it was awful but! i did it!

you do not fucking have one bestie you're like. an english major i'm pretty sure don't quote me on that it's been a while

auchi says i wasn't invited, which i'm fairly certain is incorrect something tells me i was in fact invited to my own trial

in a truly shocking turn of events, the witnesses from the very beginning are back! and when i say "a truly shocking turn of events" i mean "i didn't think anyone cared enough to bring them back after like nineteen hours of the trial"

so see a chiropractor? (sorry)

the witnesses come in and are kinda funny? maybe? idk this trial has been going on for a very long time and my brain is melting out of my ears

hosonaga wants to say something! which thank god he's like the only reliable witness in the courtroom. maybe he's misinformed sometimes but goddamn it seems like he's doing his best

he was at the restaurant looking for a thief which he maybe said before? again this trial is LONG

nosa is apparently the thief of la carneval! which isn't. too surprising tbh that was going to be one of the witnesses and brett is obviously the killer while there's no reason for korekuta to steal from himself

nosa is trying to pin the blame on his infant son which. is quite a choice. a really funny choice, but still. a choice

oh he has a breakdown! it's pretty entertaining tbh i don't really have anything against it

oh fuck this is actually kinda sad

like he just wants to provide for his son and he's not paid hardly at all i feel bad for him

i do kinda wish he wasn't here cause the stuff with him and korekuta is just dragging the trial out longer than necessary but aside from that? i have nothing against this choice

also i love how his mustache is all crumpled after his breakdown and then stays that way for the rest of the trial jgkalsjglkasjg

don't make a persona 5 reference don't make a persona 5 reference don't-

brett wants to leave and like fair enough this whole trial has been going on for way too long i want to leave too but goddammit let me indict you please i'm so tired

didn't phoenix say this to apollo in turnabout trump in regards to the ace /j

brett is going to have tea with the minister of justice which like. how the FUCK do you know them you're studying chemistry or whatever just because you're british does NOT mean you know that guy i'm going insane and losing my mind

GET HER ASS

nosa says he does not have the balls to ask brett if he can hide a stolen item in her food which. fair i wouldn't either and she one million percent killed a man

also why are you shoving you baby back behind your shoulder everyone is aware of him by now

but there was time for snappy naming, apparently

brett is trying to eat her mask now, apparently. doesn't seem like a particularly healthy meal to me but go off ig maybe it's different in britain

the other steak has blood on the plate! hooray! i've won! probably hopefully please god

WHAT THE FUCK THAT SWAN IS ALIVE

goddamn that's a breakdown and a half

is that what you call it

did i call her having a place for a gun in her outfit? i'm so certain i did. it being under her skirt tracks though it's not like anyone could look without. issues.

ma'am this is not a misdemeanor you fucking murdered a man

KAZUMA WHAT

did this bitch just draw his sword in a courtroom and cut off the prosecution's topknot from across the room

AND THEN JUST FUCKING SAY THAT? SAY YOU'RE A HOMOSEXUAL AND GO, SIR

what the fuck is this mission that the judge is talking about

don't like that expression!

oh ryu's on the witness stand for the verdict, that's cute

FJLKASJGLAKSJGLASG AUCHI HASN'T FUCKING MOVED SINCE KAZUMA CUT HIS TOPKNOT THAT'S REALLY FUNNY

post trial time! apparently kazuma's sword is a family heirloom or something. idk what does it mean when someone says "this is the spirit of my family clan"

he's bringing the sword to britain? good fucking luck with that bestie

oh this man is GAY gay huh

ah. brett's not gonna face consequences for her crimes. fuck

oh susato's so nice and helpful and i appreciate her doing my paperwork for me thank you ma'am

idk, mia, belief in your client?

oh shit i was right

wait. wait fuck. wait fuck the next case is case two how bad are these parallels gonna be shit

i'm already attached too FUCK

yeah that's not gonna be a thing for another hundred years or so idk when this game takes place

oh boy kazuma wants to ask me a favor and ryu has already basically agreed so they're clearly dating (please god let me be wrong about the mia parallels)

again, i am an english student or. whatever

she was in the courtroom for five minutes sir

LMAO THE HOSONAGA DISS

and that's the end of the trial! hopefully the next case won't take nearly as long to get out, but we shall see! until next time!

#nadia plays tgaa #ace attorney #the great ace attorney #the adventure of the great departure #ryunosuke naruhodo #susato mikotoba #kazuma asougi #taketsuchi auchi #jezaille brett #satoru hosonaga #kyurio korekuta #iyesa nosa #aido nosa #yujin mikotoba #og post

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kahran042 · 3 months ago

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Gargantuan batch of new incorrect Jonas Corbin quotes!

Jonas: Today is a day of running through hurdles. Brad: Aren’t you supposed to jump OVER hurdles? Jonas: Whatever. Fear is only something to be afraid of if you let it scare you. (Source: 6teen) (Jonas Corbin, Brad Thompson)

Jonas: You can't hold me accountable for the mistakes of my youth. Brad: That was this morning! Jonas: I am still young. (Source: Ace Attorney) (Jonas Corbin, Brad Thompson)

Alicia: Oh no! Jonas and Brad are fighting again! Chloe: sarcastically What a surprise. (Source: Amphibia) (Alicia Ramsey, Chloe Seaver)

Mrs. Kochan: What part of eight AM sharp confused you? Jonas: All of it. (Source: Archer) (Barbara Kochan, Jonas Corbin)

Nate: I'm going to spend my vacation AT THE LIBRARY! (Source: Avatar: The Last Airbender) (Nate Kellerman)

Jonas: I can't believe you, of all people, would say something so cool. Nate: "Of all people"?? (Source: Bloom Into You) (Jonas Corbin, Nate Kellerman)

Kiera (about Connor): You know, it’s funny. When you look at someone through rose-colored glasses, all the red flags just look like flags. (Source: Bojack Horseman) (Kiera Bernhardt)

Courtney: I just saw the hottest boy I have ever seen. We had the most incredible spark. Jadyn: … Courtney: You’re right, I have to find him. Jadyn: I didn’t say anything. (Source: Broad City) (Courtney Anderson, Jadyn Beaumont)

Donna: I’m glad to see you’re doing your homework. How is your math class going now? Jonas: Um…I’m doing great. Donna: HOW great? Jonas: Real great. Donna: Have you been passing all your quizzes? Jonas: I didn’t say phenomenal. (Source: Calvin and Hobbes) (Donna Corbin, Jonas Corbin)

Chloe: I don’t know if this sales rack has anything worth taking. Chloe: holds up a t-shirt that says “fancy bitch” Oh, spoke too soon! Kiera: Put that back. I’m the fancy bitch here. (Source: Community) (Chloe Seaver, Kiera Bernhardt)

Jonas: You’re becoming dangerous, Kiera. It’s those doe eyes. Disappointing you is like choking the little mermaid with a bike chain. (Source: Community) (Jonas Corbin)

Lydia: I stopped by to say hi, I missed you. Morgan: But we just hung out like an hour ago. Lydia: Exactly. (Source: Crazy Ex-Girlfriend) (Lydia Renfrew, Morgan Urquhart)

Drake: Hey everyone, guess what? Jonas: You're transferring to a new school? (Source: Daria) (Drake Levine, Jonas Corbin)

Nick: Something terrible happened! Mark: It's okay. The sun isn't really gone. It's just hiding behind the clouds. (Source: Daria) (Nick Murphy, Mark Seaver)

Chloe: You're right. Mia: About? Chloe: About knowing who you are. I'm Chloe Seaver. I'm loyal, strong, and I don't look too bad naked. Mia: Exactly. And if I call you a mannish, awkward, ball-crushing do-gooder, you'd say…? Chloe: Shut up, whore. Mia: That's my girl. (Source: Dragon Age 2) (Chloe Seaver, Mia Thompson)

Chloe: You ate my enchilada! Justin: There was no note! Chloe: YOU ATE MY ENCHILADA! (Source: Drake and Josh) (Chloe Seaver, Justin Seaver)

Nate: Cake is not a “sweet.” Cake is the divine essence of the heavens! (Source: Fire Emblem: Three Houses) (Nate Kellerman)

Mark: I don’t know what to do with it. Jessica: With what? Mark: With all the love I had for Hannah. I don’t know where to put it now. Jessica: I’ll take it. I’m serious. It sounds lovely. I’ll have it. (Source: Fleabag) (Mark Seaver, Jessica Beaumont)

Jonas: The power of one person doesn’t amount to much, but however little strength I’m capable of, I’ll do everything humanly possible to protect the people I love, and in turn they’ll protect the ones they love. It seems like the least we tiny humans can do for each other. (Source: Fullmetal Alchemist) (Jonas Corbin)

Chloe: Did you just call me a shrimp, you asshole?! I’m still growing, dammit! (Source: Fullmetal Alchemist) (Chloe Seaver)

Brad (to Jonas): Stop acting like you’re in a manga. (Source: Fullmetal Alchemist) (Brad Thompson)

Chloe (to Jonas): I heard a girlish scream. Are you okay? (Source: Futurama) (Chloe Seaver)

Jonas: I can't believe we get away with this every week. (Source: Garfield and Friends) (Jonas Corbin)

Thom: Courtney, I know you’re going through your whole boy-crazy phase, but I think you’re overdoing the ��crazy’ bit. (Source: Gravity Falls) (Thom Anderson)

Katrina: So, Lydia, are you a big spoon or a little spoon? Lydia: I'm a knife. Morgan, from across the room: Trust me, she's a little spoon. (Source: Grey's Anatomy) (Katrina Rockwell, Lydia Renfrew, Morgan Urquhart)

Jonas: Ugh, I am so hungry. Donna: Then go make something. Jonas: Ugh, I am so lazy. (Source: iCarly) (Jonas Corbin, Donna Corbin)

Brad: Spiders… why did it have to be spiders? (Source: Indiana Jones) (Brad Thompson)

Alicia: Are you just on the internet all day? Nate: No. Alicia: Really? Nate: I’m also on it at night. (Source: James Breakwell) (Alicia Ramsey, Nate Kellerman)

Brad: How many times do I have to tell you I have a girlfriend? Shana: Well, you look like the kind of guy that could use two. (Source: Johnny Bravo) (Brad Thompson, Shana Levine)

Lydia (to Morgan): If we don’t hold hands soon, I’m going to lose it. (Source: King of the Hill) (Lydia Renfrew)

Samantha: Jonas, is there anything you're actually capable of doing? Jonas: Putting up with you. (Source: Merlin) (Samantha Corbin, Jonas Corbin)

Chloe: I’m the type of girl who likes to think things through. Brad: Since when? I once saw you eat a marshmallow that was still on fire. (Source: Mike and Molly) (Chloe Seaver, Brad Thompson)

Nate: What am I most afraid of? Global warming. And getting a B. (Source: Modern Family) (Nate Kellerman)

Jonas, about Chloe: Whoa. She's being a little… Nate: Obstreperous? Recalcitrant? Truculent? Jonas: I was gonna say "cray-cray." (Source: Modern Family) (Jonas Corbin, Nate Kellerman)

Chloe: I don’t know the first thing about clothes. Pretty much all I can do is look at something and tell you if it’s clothes or not. This chair? Not clothes. (Source: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic) (Chloe Seaver)

Chloe: Chillax! Nate: That's not a word. Chloe: Sometimes the ones who deny "chillax" are the ones who need to chillax the most. (Source: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic) (Chloe Seaver, Nate Kellerman)

Jonas: I don’t want Kiera to think I’m pathetic. Chloe: You are pathetic. Jonas: Well, obviously! (Source: NewsRadio) (Jonas Corbin, Chloe Seaver)

Jonas: Nate, you're a big softie, but on the inside, you're a straight-up boss. Jonas: Brad, you're the exact opposite. (Source: Parks and Recreation) (Jonas Corbin)

Brad: Okay, that's enough! No more talking about Kiera! Jonas: But you told me to get it out of my system… Brad: I had no idea how much you had in your system! (Source: Parks and Recreation) (Brad Thompson, Jonas Corbin)

Brad (about Jonas): He’s my best friend, he's like a brother to me…but he's a disaster. (Source: Parks and Recreation) (Brad Thompson)

Brad: Jonas said he’ll be here in twenty minutes. That means we’ve got at least an hour. (Source: Peep Show) (Brad Thompson)

Nate: How to put this…hmm…oftentimes when you attempt to help anyone they end up worse off than before you— Jonas: Don’t you think I know that? (Source: Pepper Ann) (Nate Kellerman, Jonas Corbin)

Courtney: Remember when Jonas made that romantic dinner for me? Jadyn: Courtney, he microwaved you a pizza. (Source: Phineas and Ferb) (Courtney Anderson, Jadyn Beaumont)

Donna: Jonas, what have you done today? Jonas: Well, let’s see. I watched some anime. Took a nap. Had a snack. Jonas: I’m a little tired. (Source: Psych) (Donna Corbin, Jonas Corbin)

Nate: Jonas wouldn't do anything stupid, would he? Brad: Define stupid. (Source: Psych) (Nate Kellerman, Brad Thompson)

Nate: A-?! My life is flashing before my eyes! (Source: Recess) (Nate Kellerman)

Alicia: When you give up on people’s ability to do good, you give up on hope. (Source: Recess) (Alicia Ramsey)

Nate: For ages, dreams have been thought of as windows to another realm. “Let me not mar that perfect dream by an Auroral stain; but so adjust my daily night that it will come again.” Emily Dickinson wrote that. Jonas: Who? Nate: Here’s one YOU might know. “There once was a man from Peru who dreamed he was eating his shoe. He woke with a fright, in the middle of the night, to find that his dream had come true”. (Source: Spongebob Squarepants) (Nate Kellerman, Jonas Corbin)

Mia: Well, people either love you or hate you. Chloe: Really? Mia: I mean, I hated you when we first met. Chloe: I remember. Mia: And now… Chloe: And now? Mia: Well… now I don’t. Chloe: That means a lot to me, Mia, it really does. Mia: Yeah! Now that is from the heart. I really do… not hate you anymore. (Source: Star Trek: Deep Space 9) (Mia Thompson, Chloe Seaver)

Kiera: Are you two friends? Chloe: Yes. Mia, simultaneously: No. (Source: Star Trek Voyager) (Kiera Bernhardt, Chloe Seaver, Mia Thompson)

Nate: I know archaic Latin. Brad: You know archaic Latin? Nate: I got bored with classical Latin. (Source: Teen Wolf) (Nate Kellerman, Brad Thompson)

Jonas: Have you lost it? Monica's gonna kill us! Samantha: No, she's gonna kill you. You're the one in charge. (Source: The Adventures of Pete and Pete) (Jonas Corbin, Samantha Corbin)

an anonymous person sent Jonas a threatening message Jonas: What do I do, and who sent the message?! It could be anyone! Brad: It couldn't be just anyone, it'd have to be someone you've upset. Jonas: … Brad: Yeah, you're right. It could be anyone. (Source: The Amazing World of Gumball) (Jonas Corbin, Brad Thompson)

Brad: Jonas is very soft-hearted. Chloe: Soft-headed if you asked me. (Source: The New Adventures of Winnie the Pooh) (Brad Thompson, Chloe Seaver)

Kiera: How can you think of food at a time like this? Chloe: I practice. (Source: The New Adventures of Winnie the Pooh) (Kiera Bernhardt, Chloe Seaver)

Nate: Before I do anything, I ask myself, would Jonas do that? And if the answer is yes, I do not do that thing. (Source: The Office) (Nate Kellerman)

Mia: Chloe can be so stupid, which I love… I mean, hate! (Source: The Owl House) (Mia Thompson)

Jonas: Hey, Nate, are you having a good time? Nate: Not really. Someone seems to have slipped one of those novelty ice cubes with a fake fly into my drink. Chloe: laughing It was us! You fell for it! Nate: Chloe, Jonas, these novelty ice cubes are often made from highly toxic chemicals. Ironically, a real fly would have been much more sanitary. Jonas: You should see the look on your face. It's priceless! (Source: The Simpsons) (Jonas Corbin, Nate Kellerman, Chloe Seaver)

Nick: If it isn't my arch-nemesis Jon-ass Corbin… and his friends Brad Thompson and Chloe Seaver, to whom I'm fairly indifferent! (Source: The Simpsons) (Nick Murphy)

Jonas: I'd sell my soul for a basket of cheese fries! Alicia, holding a pitchfork and sporting horns, a red high-collared cape, goat legs and a red pointed tail, appears in a burst of fire and brimstone Devil!Alicia: Well… that can be arranged. Jonas: Wha - Alicia?!? You're the Devil?!??! Devil!Alicia: chuckles It's always the ones you least suspect! (Source: The Simpsons) (Jonas Corbin, Alicia Ramsey)

Brad: I can’t believe Drake's dead. Jonas: Brad, move on! That was twenty minutes ago! (Source: The Simpsons) (Brad Thompson, Jonas Corbin)

Brad: You’re running away from your feelings. Jonas: So? I hate my feelings! (Source: What We Do in the Shadows) (Brad Thompson, Jonas Corbin)

Brad: Jonas, do you have any plans for the future? Jonas: I'll probably grab the biggest slice and hope you don't notice. Brad: The future BEYOND when our pizza arrives. Jonas: Ooooooh. Deep! (Source: Zits) (Brad Thompson, Jonas Corbin)

Jonas: crying about not being able to get a chocolate bar Samantha: buys and eats chocolate bar in front of him (Source: Reddit) (Jonas Corbin, Samantha Corbin)

Chloe (to Alicia): You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for 'eating Henry'. (Source: Texts from Last Night) (Chloe Seaver)

Mia: Can you imagine getting paid for being cute? Chloe, quietly: You'd be a billionaire. Mia: What? Chloe: What? (Source: Tumblr) (Mia Thompson, Chloe Seaver)

Kiera: So I found a foolproof method of determining if someone is truly evil. Jonas: And that is? Kiera: If they dislike Alicia, they're evil. Jonas, nodding in agreement: Yeah, okay, that's pretty solid logic. (Source: Tumblr) (Kiera Bernhardt, Jonas Corbin)

Principal Mazlish: It's like a war zone in here! What happened?! Mr. Lazara: Well, Corbin- Principal Hickey: Ah, that makes sense. (Source: Tumblr) (Viktor Mazlish, Jim Lazara)

Brad is injured and bleeding Chloe: Is he going to be okay?! Jonas: Yes, just keep applying pressure! Chloe, leaning in closer to Brad: If you die, Jonas and I will have no supervision. Jonas: Not like that! Chloe: It's true! (Source: Tumblr) (Chloe Seaver, Jonas Corbin)

Chloe: on the phone with Kiera I can't talk right now, I'm doing hot girl shit. Kiera: You're pulling Oreos apart and taking off the frosting to make a mega Oreo, aren't you. Chloe: Maybe. (Source: Tumblr) (Chloe Seaver, Kiera Bernhardt)

Brad: Fun statistical fact: Cows are about 300 times more likely to kill you than coyotes. Jonas: horrified Nate, sighing: Minor sidenote to statistical fact: If it were common for people to keep several hundred coyotes on their property and routinely chase them into a corral and handle them, this statistic would be different. (Source: Tumblr) (Brad Thompson, Jonas Corbin, Nate Kellerman)

Jasmine: Zane is like… Zane, playing a video game: Sniper in that building, 400 yards out, past the trees. Jasmine: Zane is also like… Zane, in real life, opening the fridge, with the ketchup right in front of him: Mom, where's the ketchup? (Source: Tumblr) (Jasmine Kessler, Zane Kessler)

Alicia: One day I'm gonna say the F-word. Then you'll be sorry. (Source: Tumblr) (Alicia Ramsey)

Mark: Do I have a crush on Connor? Of course not. Chloe: I, uh… I didn't ask you that. (Source: Tumblr) (Mark Seaver, Chloe Seaver)

Jonas: Principal Mazlish, I figured out why you're so uptight! You have updog. Principal Mazlish: What's updog? Jonas: BRAD, GET IN HERE I TOLD YOU I COULD DO IT. (Source: Tumblr) (Jonas Corbin, Viktor Mazlish)

Alicia: does mic drop Alicia: comes back to see if she damaged the mic or not (Source: Tumblr) (Alicia Ramsey)

Jonas: Synonyms are weird because if you invite someone to your cottage in the forest, that just sounds nice and cozy, but if I invite you to my cabin in the woods, you're going to die. Nate: It's called connotation. Jonas: Also, "forgive me father, I have sinned", vs. "sorry daddy, I've been naughty". Nate: Great news! Language is now cancelled! (Source: Tumblr) (Jonas Corbin, Nate Kellerman)

Mark: I hope I’m not just a bully to you guys, but a friend too. (Source: Tumblr) (Mark Seaver)

Brad: Newton just created a 4th law. Jonas: What is it? Kiera: Put a little hot sauce on that bad boy. (Source: Tumblr) (Brad Thompson, Jonas Corbin, Kiera Bernhardt)

Christi: When I was a kid, I won a contest to DJ at my hometown’s easy-listening radio station. I then proceeded to play an hour's worth of Evanescence deep cuts and ruin everybody’s morning commutes (Source: Tumblr) (Christi Wong)

Colin, texting Peter: Hello Peter. I’d like to play a game. Two rooms away your only brother is very thirsty. In order to remedy this, you must fill up his water bottle. If the water is not cold, he will die. Good luck. (Source: Tumblr) (Colin Gardner)

Logan: Christi, are you with us? Christi: Physically, yes. Mentally? I’m in a Renaissance painting, wearing a silk gown and looking wistfully into the distance. (Source: Tumblr) (Logan Taggart, Christi Wong)

Jonas: So, what’s your type? Chloe: Hazel eyes, kind, oblivious, creative, blond hair. Jonas: Sounds like me. Too bad we’re just friends. Chloe: Did I mention oblivious? Jonas: Yeah, why? Chloe: Just making sure. (Source: Tumblr) (Jonas Corbin, Chloe Seaver)

Jonas: I would let a racoon do surgery on me. Have you seen their little hands? Those motherfuckers would give me a great heart transplant for the low, low cost of a cold pizza slice Nate: You do realize where racoons’ little hands have been, right? Kiera: Is that the…only reason you wouldn’t let a raccoon give you a heart transplant? Alicia: Come on! They're so well known for washing their hands that they’re called “washing bears” in German! You don’t have to worry about where their hands have been! Brad: Well, you heard it folks, getting a heart transplant from a raccoon is perfectly safe. (Source: Tumblr) (Jonas Corbin, Kiera Bernhardt, Nate Kellerman, Alicia Ramsey, Brad Thompson)

Lydia: It doesn’t matter if you’re gay or straight, the one thing we can agree on is that I’m hot. (Source: Tumblr) (Lydia Renfrew)

Connor: I wasn’t loved as a child so now I’m evil and I don’t go to bed on time. (Source: Tumblr) (Connor Urquhart)

Chloe: One of my favorite things to do is saying some extremely ridiculous and corny things in front of Mia and watching her go through the five stages of grief as she realizes she’s still madly in love with me. (Source: Tumblr) (Chloe Seaver)

Chloe: I don’t deserve this. I’m a good person. Jonas: You once shoved me down the stairs because I made fun of your height. Chloe: I’m a mostly good person. (Source: Tumblr) (Chloe Seaver, Jonas Corbin)

Christi: Show up uninvited! Invite yourself to the party! Be the belle of the ball! Make a scene. Get kicked out. Set fire to the lawn. (Source: Tumblr) (Christi Wong)

Nate: Dracula is an epistolary novel because it’s made up of letters. Jonas: Of course it’s made of letters. It’s a book. (Source: Tumblr) (Nate Kellerman, Jonas Corbin)

Jonas: I’m a fool, not an idiot. (Source: Tumblr) (Jonas Corbin)

Courtney: Just a quick reminder that I am, in fact, very cute. In case you forgot. (Source: Tumblr) (Courtney Anderson)

Kiera: Who is the clingiest one? Morgan, curled up in Lydia's lap with her arms wrapped around her: Lydia is, obviously. (Source: Tumblr) (Kiera Bernhardt, Morgan Urquhart)

Jonas, wrapped in a blanket: smiling Donna: Usagi, it's time to get going. Jonas: LEAVE ME AND MY NEST IN PEACE! (Source: Tumblr) (Jonas Corbin, Donna Corbin)

Jonas: Head not empty, head full of countless scenarios that will never happen. (Source: Tumblr) (Jonas Corbin)

Nate: I was thinking in the shower: if 666 is evil, then 25.806975801127 is the root of all evil. Jonas: Do you have a calculator in your SHOWER? (Source: Tumblr) (Nate Kellerman, Jonas Corbin)

Lydia and Morgan: arrive at a hotel Receptionist: Two queens? Morgan: Yes. And we'll need a king size. (Source: Tumblr) (Lydia Renfrew, Morgan Urquhart)

Chloe: Hey, Nate, are you free on Friday? Like, around 8pm on Friday? Nate: Yeah? Chloe: What about you, Alicia? Alicia: Yeah, I am. Chloe: Great! Because I’m not. You two go out without me. Enjoy your date! Nate: … Alicia: … Alicia: Did she just- (Source: Tumblr) (Chloe Seaver, Nate Kellerman, Alicia Ramsey)

Brad: Did you know when you suddenly jerk awake when falling asleep, another version of you from a different timeline just died? Jonas: That fact fucked me up. Nate: It’s actually because your heart rate decreased so quickly that your brain jerks you awake to make sure you’re still alive. Jonas: I don't know which one is worse! (Source: Tumblr) (Brad Thompson, Jonas Corbin, Nate Kellerman)

Connor: Hi, I'm Connor Urquhart. Mark: Hi, I'm bi. (Source: Tumblr) (Connor Urquhart, Mark Seaver)

Nick: does/says something extremely stupid Jared: I don't know him. Nick: HA! He's a liar! We’re actually brothers! (Source: Tumblr) (NIck Murphy, Jared Murphy)

Chloe: Who else is blossoming into a beautiful young woman with no chill? (Source: Tumblr) (Chloe Seaver)

Jonas: wrapped in three comforters I am the human taco. The beginning and the end of comfort. I am the couch potato, the king of sleepy, and the superhero of watching cartoons all day. Donna: You’ve been wrapped like that for eight hours. You sure you’re okay? Jonas: … Jonas: I’m stuck and I really need to pee… (Source: Tumblr) (Jonas Corbin, Donna Corbin)

Connor: Feel sorry for me but also fear me in the depths of your heart. (Source: Tumblr) (Connor Urquhart)

Jonas: in detention I've been in here so long I think I've lost my mind.Jonas: The days turn into weeks, weeks turn into months. Jonas: How long have I been in here now? Almost a year?Mrs. Kochan: No, it's been eight minutes. (Source: Tumblr) (Jonas Corbin, Barbara Kochan)

Mia: Chloe has these insanely strong opinions on everything. Go on. Ask her a thing no one should have an opinion on. Brad: Chloe, what is the worst possible multiple of four? Chloe: Twelve, obviously. (Source: Tumblr) (Mia Thompson, Brad Thompson, Chloe Seaver)

Jonas: How loud would it be if all the cats on Earth meowed at once? Nate: The average cat meow is 65/75dB, above speaking volume but below shouting. There are an approximate 2 billion cats in the world. So, by that math, 130 to 150 dB, which is about 100 million jets all taking off at once. Chloe: Cat-astrophically loud. (Source: Tumblr) (Jonas Corbin, Nate Kellerman, Chloe Seaver)

Mark: Plankton built his computer wife so he's also the one who programmed her personality. Plankton made a wife who would belittle and mock him. Plankton has a humiliation fetish. Connor: Sometimes we have thoughts but we don't have to share them with everyone and put them out into the world. Just a suggestion. (Source: Tumblr) (Mark Seaver, Connor Urquhart)

Jonas: I am bisexual. Which means I love boys and Kiera Bernhardt. (Source: Tumblr) (Jonas Corbin)

Jonas: If I wore a shirt inside out, the entire universe would be wearing the shirt except me. Nate: Congratulations, you just explained Gödel's theorem in a single sentence. Brad: from the distance NERD. (Source: Tumblr) (Jonas Corbin, Nate Kellerman, Brad Thompson)

Kiera: Jonas, please don’t put your feet on the table. Jonas: OK boomer. Kiera: … Kiera: WE’RE THE SAME AGE! (Source: Tumblr) (Kiera Bernhardt, Jonas Corbin)

Connor: When I get murdered, make sure it’s unsolved. Mark: What? Connor: I want to be on BuzzFeed Unsolved. Mark: Let’s go back to the “when I get murdered” part. (Source: Tumblr) (Connor Urquhart, Mark Seaver)

Lydia: If Morgan thinks she can just bat her cute eyes at me and get what she wants, she's right. (Source: Twitter) (Lydia Renfrew)

Jonas: That test was really hard. Brad: Yeah, the problems on the back were really hard. Jonas: The. WHAT. (Source: Twitter) (Jonas Corbin, Brad Thompson)

Nate: You know Orion's Belt? Waist of space. I know, I know, not a great joke. Nate: … Nate: Three stars. (Source: Twitter) (Nate Kellerman)

Donna: You forgot to turn the TV off last night. Jonas: flashback to him leaving it on so Leo could finish watching The Aristocats Jonas: No, I didn't. (Source: Twitter) (Donna Corbin, Jonas Corbin)

Chloe: BTW it is totally possible to be a girlboss and a girlfailure at the same time because women are multifaceted and highly complex creatures. I am a living breathing example. (Source: Twitter) (Chloe Seaver)

Jonas: Hey, Chloe, nice shirt. Chloe: Thanks! Chloe: remembers that guys like bad girls I stole it- Chloe: remembers that guys like nice girls -from an old lady I was helping walk across the street. (Source: Twitter) (Jonas Corbin, Chloe Seaver)

Thom (to Connor): Oh, you smoke weed? How about you go weed a book. (Source: Twitter) (Thom Anderson)

Jonas: I need less stress and I need more fries. (Source: Twitter) (Jonas Corbin)

Jonas: What's the word for when hands are bisexual? Nate: You mean ambidextrous? Jonas: Yeah, that. (Source: Twitter) (Jonas Corbin, Nate Kellerman)

Jonas: Academics will say ‘put simply’ and say the most incomprehensible sentence you’ve ever read. (Source: Twitter) (Jonas Corbin)

Sarah: Why are you holding my hand? Morgan: I told you, I don't want to lose you in the crowd. Sarah: Morgan, we've been the only ones in the room for 15 minutes now. (Source: Twitter) (Sarah Reinholt, Morgan Urquhart)

Monica: I’m cooking dinner tonight. Jonas, shaking: Is that a threat? (Source: Twitter) (Monica Corbin, Jonas Corbin)

Hannah: What’s the first thing you notice when a man approaches you? Lauren: The audacity. (Source: Twitter) (Hannah Brooks, Lauren Reinholt)

Mia: I got you a Valentine's card! hands Jonas a card Jonas: Oh, here's yours. gives Mia a piece of paper Mia: … this is a restraining order. (Source: Vine) (Mia Thompson, Jonas Corbin)

Valerie: Where's the box of cookies I just bought? Chloe: That's almost an accusatory tone, there's no- yeah, I ate the whole box 'cuz I have no self-control. (Source: Vine) (Valerie Seaver, Chloe Seaver)

Donna: Clean your room, Jonas! We've got guests coming over! Jonas: Oh I'm sorry! I DIDN'T REALIZE WE WERE ALL GATHERING IN MY FUCKING ROOM! (Source: Vine) (Donna Corbin, Jonas Corbin)

Jonas: I’m supposed to be having a great summer…but I can’t get out of bed. This is comfortable. (Source: Vine) (Jonas Corbin)

Chloe: God, sometimes Mia makes me so angry! Kiera: You’re hugging her. Chloe: ANGRILY. (Source: Vine) (Chloe Seaver, Kiera Bernhardt)

Mark: screams Nick: screams louder to assert dominance Jonas: Should we do something? Chloe, observing: No, I want to see who wins this. (Source: Incorrect Quotes Generator) (Mark Seaver, Nick Murphy, Jonas Corbin, Chloe Seaver)

Donna: Hey Jonas, could you go to the store and get a carton of milk? If they have avocados, get six. Jonas, coming back from the store with six cartons of milk: They had avocados. (Source: Unknown) (Donna Corbin, Jonas Corbin)

Connor: I hate being this high. Why do I keep hearing footsteps? Mark: Are you walking? Connor: Oh, fuck. (Source: Unknown) (Connor Urquhart, Mark Seaver)

Sometime before he left for UNH, Adrian drops Kiera and Chloe off somewhere Adrian: Have fun! I'll just be here listening to my tunes. Adrian: turns on the radio and heavy metal screaming can be heard Adrian: :) (Source: Monsters University) (Adrian Bernhardt)

Adrian, at his desk: I have to study. Karin, on his lap with her arms wrapped around him, unmoving: Sucks to be you, I guess. (Source: Tumblr) (Adrian Bernhardt, Karin Michaux)

Justin (writing a letter): Dear Newspaper Editor, Every Sunday morning my father enjoys sharing with us the jokes in his favorite comic strips. He's getting up there in years, and his eyesight isn't what it used to be. I suspect that if your comics were printed much smaller, he wouldn't be able to read them. John: …So then the golfer says to his wife… Justin: Please print your comics much smaller. (Source: FoxTrot) (Justin Seaver, John Seaver)

Shea: If you're twins, does that mean you think alike? Evan and Tyler (in unison): No, don't be ridiculous. (Source: South Park) (Shea Renfrew, Evan Rockwell, Tyler Rockwell)

Samantha: Can I have some candy? Monica: You know the rules. Samantha: No candy before dinner? Monica: No, those are daddy's rules. My rules are that you bring me one, too. (Source: Tumblr) (Samantha Corbin, Monica Corbin)

Donna: Go out and make someone's day. Every day you make mine by being my son. (Source: Chrono Trigger: The Musical) (Donna Corbin)

Dorothy: Mia, go easy on the orange juice. That stuff doesn't grow on trees- Dorothy: - wait, it does. So why is it so darn expensive? (Source: Malcolm in the Middle) (Dorothy Thompson)

Donna: My son's bisexual, and as much as he loves me, he'd disown me without a second thought if I was any kind of queerphobic. I take that as a sign I raised him well. (Source: Tumblr) (Donna Corbin)

Monica: Hey, I have to ask you a question. Will you be my valentine? Richard: We're married. Monica: But will you? Richard: Of course I will, Monica. (Source: Tumblr) (Monica Corbin, Richard Corbin)

Richard: The most important thing I’ve learned from being married to Monica is: Whenever I stop at the gas station, I have to get her a snack. If I think to myself “Maybe she doesn’t want a snack,” I’m wrong. Just get the woman a snack. (Source: Twitter) (Richard Corbin)

BTW, from now on all new incorrect JCGTL quotes will go in the Grand United File on Google Docs, so check it out from time to time!

#jonas corbin's guide to life #incorrect quotes

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