#graduate medicine

[meddlecine]

Fixing broken hearts in med school.

The hardest part about med school hasn’t been med school itself. (Although, I’m scrunching my eyebrows up as I write this, so maybe that’s not entirely true).  The hardest part about med school has been having a boyfriend.  Maybe that’s why I don’t have one anymore.

I moved out of our apartment in January, just one week before starting my second year of medical school. We agreed that me moving out would be best for the relationship. He would take over the lease, and I wouldn’t have to worry so much about money. Up until that point, I felt like I’d tried everything, from dyeing my soul every colour under the sun in the hope that he would fall back in love with just one shade. I tried, I really, really did. But the exhaustion from meticulously choosing every word and placating my tone in the anticipation of the next thing to go wrong, was unlike anything else. He wasn’t being rude, he insisted, just being honest. And if I couldn’t take it, then that was my problem.  I’d been seeing a psychologist, who eventually, after many sessions, shared that she couldn’t believe how much effort I was putting into this sinking ship. She suggested couples’ counselling. He refused.

Had it been going on for some time? Of course it had, but there was never a ‘good’ time to end things (is there ever?). What a laughable concept! “I’m a little busy this week, maybe we can break up next Thursday at 7pm?” To make matters worse and prolong the inevitable even further, I was always determined that there was something that I hadn’t tried yet. It didn’t matter though, because it kept happening over, and over, and over. No matter what I tried to change about myself, nothing worked. Not even the happiest of occasions could blunt the edge I was skating on: I was a bridesmaid for my best friend from school, and felt more alive and glowing than I had in months. But despite every determination to keep the makeup pristine, I couldn’t help let a few tears slip during the ceremony. The vows were beautiful, it’s true, but I think that part of me was quietly grieving as I grew to understand that the guy attending that wedding with me would never, ever love me in the same unconditional way that the groom loves my best friend. And I knew that he would never want to try, because he told me so. It didn’t matter how beautiful I looked that day on the outside. On the inside, I couldn’t help but feel my heart sink as it caught up to my head.

My spirit and self-esteem had been slowly pushed further and further into the ground to the point that I believed that maybe he was right. Maybe I am difficult, and stubborn, and dismissive, and unappreciative. In desperation, I reached out to an old ex of mine, a gorgeous Parisian lawyer who was always kind, honest, and made me laugh. He admitted that although it’d been a long time since we were together, there was no reason to ever justify such outbursts of anger, and assured me that I wasn’t any of those things that I’d listed above. “But of course, you’re not perfect!” he added. I smiled and raised my eyebrows at the message, grateful for his candour, all the while thinking that I probably could’ve done without the last comment. It’s a shame things never worked out with him; I can only assume he is happy with his life in France, as he very much deserves, but he at least serves as a sobering reminder for how I should be treated. I paused and cast my mind back. Our time together is a memory long gone now, but I still remember enough to know that I missed how I felt when we were together: calm, safe, my cheeks often aching from laughing at his quick wit. All things that I didn’t have now. His one small message of kindness after all these years made me realise how miserable I really was.

Because, when I thought about it... could I survive the next 3 years of medical school, plus my training with chaotically unpredictable ups and downs? I’d heard that medicine puts a strain on your relationships, but with or without med school, I don’t think I could survive this. Just a week prior, only a few days before my final exams for the year, we’d had a fight. Another one. No matter my attempts of resolution, they were met with jagged stares of contempt and crushing silence, and so finally, after three days of drowning in an ocean of anxiety, I pleaded for some kind of resolve. I couldn’t eat, sleep, or study from the stress-induced migraines, and was a complete mess at the idea that I would lose my relationship and fail my exams. “So it’s my fault if you fail your exams?” he scoffed. He told me to get over it. I patched things up as best as I could, determined to not let someone who could be so indifferent towards my feelings be my downfall. Miraculously, I passed my exams. But I knew that next time I might not be so lucky.

Moving out bought me one more month.  It sucks, but everything was clearly crumbling around me.  It wasn’t all bad—no one gets into a relationship with someone who’s like this at the start. There were many wonderful, fun, whimsical moments in the years we were together, and the guy I left isn’t the guy I first met.  In the end we just...  weren’t the right fit for each other.  So, I may be alone now, but I’m okay with that. For now, I love talking to the patients and hearing their stories, and I love seeing someone’s eyes light up when I ask them how they met the love of their life.

Hopefully one day I’ll get to share mine.

[777cherryvanilla]

I want to study history I know I do but I also have the need to study science to prove I can be in STEM so badly but my passion is in history so moral of the story, whatever I choose- I will hate myself.

[why-the-heck-not]

me, a responsible being, working on the coding project as I should vs. me, a dysfunctional shithead, getting distracted by reading about brains (once aGAIN damnit (it's my favorite "I need to study my field but bc I should do that it's an impossible unthinkable feat now, so I'm reading about something else to fool my brain I'm still being productive"-topic))

[anonymocha]

Friend hc’d Kaalaa Baunaa as a silent-but-scary-stare type of drunk. This is her after a few drinks. (They’re both drunk)

[puppetmaster13u]

Prompt 94

Danny has no clue what he’s just agreed to but Ellie seems happy about it, so it can’t be too bad. Ellie is honestly surprised but more than a little touched her template-dad gave her permission to let her new clone-union-totally-not-a-revolution use his lair as a home base. Now she just needs to help Klarion figure out how to make those portal-bracelets for each of them…

[machiattostudy]

Samedi 11 février 2023 

Hello there how are you doing ? 

4 months left until graduation. 4 months before becoming a doctor :)) Life is rough and exhausting. Everyone is so stressed out and suspicious since they aren’t enough places for all of the students. I might chose internal medicine. 

I try to stay out of this toxic environnement. I hate competition. 

I hope you guys are doing good. May we all be walking safely and peacefully towards our goals. 

Take care. 

[fantastic-nonsense]

What major do u think tim would be in?🤔 i have a few options in mind, like archaelogy, mechanical engineering or even psychology, but havent been able to settle for any of them

Tysm!

Tim is that one kid who changes his major every semester for the first two years because he can't decide on what he wants to do, takes a gap year in the middle of his degree to go hiking in Albania, and then comes back and graduates with a double major and a minor with a solid B average because he decided if he couldn't choose one thing to do, he'll just do it all, and then got overloaded while trying to finish because nothing he picked has any overlapping reqs.

In my mind, he starts off in business because "it's the major my dad would have wanted me to pick", switches to computer science after a serious come to jesus talk with his advisor because it's what he thinks he's interested in, and then finally lands on mechanical engineering after he sits down and realizes he only actually likes doing computer stuff for fun and Robining and not as an actual job. He ends up coupling the engineering degree with a double major in sports medicine and a minor in photography.

[nerdgirlnarrates]

Had to explain to my parents last night that women don’t pee out of their vaginas. And then they just didn’t believe me!!! My mother kept saying that she knows she only has two holes (?????????) until my dad made everyone move on.

[equinesandeducation]

It is done!!! ☑️🎓 My thesis of veterinary medicine is finished, after taking a year in between my bachelor's and master's degree, so I could spend more time on it and also get my honours certificate! It was so much work, I was so so so nervous to present, but everything went great and our entire group got awarded their diploma's. So proud!! 🥹🥳

[medstudy09]

Now that my theory papers are over I am going to start medicine classes again

[justinesattendingadventures]

I survived residency!

Yes I still have 7 days left...

But I have now officially graduated!

[meddlecine]

So, about that blogging thing...

Hilariously (fittingly? shamefully?) I have not touched a journal nor have my fingers clacked away on a keyboard for my blog about med school since, well... the beginning of the year. This year’s goal? Document my med school journey in exquisite, nay, excruciating detail. Recreate it all for the reader! Do it for yourself! Remember it all!

Now that week 1 has passed (back in January) I’m pleased to inform you of my most recent blog update: graduating the year. Yep, clearly the daily/weekly med school adventure blog went extremely well. If anything, though, it sums up the year a little bit. In the beginning of the year, I thought this was all tooooootally manageable.

Ah, the beginning of the year. I’ll be so organised! I’d tried to convince myself. Medicine is manageable if you just make for the time for it. Oh my, so young. So naive! So full of hope!

And yet... today I got the email confirming that I had passed all of my first year exams. I’ve done it!

How? Well, to be honest... barely.

In hindsight, this year was ROUGH.

Just before starting med school, I’d gotten appendicitis. Then my grandpa, with whom I was extremely close, passed away. My job (who I’d convinced I could keep up with, sin problema) doubled—nay, tripled—the workload despite me cutting my hours in half. I failed my mid year exams. When recovering from surgery, I got COVID, and as a result, missed 5 weeks of my 2nd semester.

Walk in the park, right?

And yet, miraculously, (dazzled with a few tears and “I’m going to *sniffs* fail *sniffs* and have to *blows nose* repeat the whole year again!”)... I passed. It sounds like a dramatic proclamation, but to be honest, it wasn’t far off. Having failed one of the mid-year exams, the end of year situation was looking to be on verrrrrry thin ice. No matter what class I sat in I just felt like everyone knew more than me. Quite the humbling moment going from being the top of your class and colleagues to... the bottom. The pits. The dungeon! The silly corner. I felt like I’d turned up to a party where everyone got the memo about the fancy dress except for me. I was plain, boring, and unprepared.

The week before my final exams, my boyfriend and I had a huge fight. Again. He didn’t talk to me for 3 days—despite the fact that we live together—and in my distress, I couldn’t eat, nor concentrate on my studies. My stress migraines launched like rockets and I lay in bed in desperation. Desperate for an apology, or for a shot of inspiration to bring me back to life and get me back into the books.

Despite all of this, I still made it.

I won’t lie, it was tough. I quit my job, and have shifted to tutoring instead. I set my own hours and get paid more per hour (plus it’s way less stressful), but obviously less secure than a job with a company. But, it meant that I could dedicate far more time to my studies. I missed weddings, and parties, and weekends. Sundays were spent between tutoring and studying clinical skills with my study group.

But now, I can say it was worth it. I passed! Bring on second year!

[thoughtfullyrainynightmare]

My wedding ring (ft. my engagement ring) ^^ ❤️🔥

With my wedding dress (already previously shown here)

[orcinus-veterinarius]

After over 2 months away on externships, it’s proving very difficult to adjust back to normal rotations…

[anonymocha]

Robot Love is Forever

Drew this with friends for a graduation film shoot at art class

[angels-heap]

Trolls love to claim that there's no "proof" that Gordon didn't age in stasis (even though common sense, characters in the games, and Valve themselves all basically confirm this to be true), but it's so funny to me how bad faith actors love to overlook the most compelling proof:

Look me in the eyes and tell me, with a straight face, that this recent, canon model is a representation of a nearly 50-year-old man. I fucking dare you.