#graduate medicine

[meddlecine]

Fixing broken hearts in med school.

The hardest part about med school hasn’t been med school itself. (Although, I’m scrunching my eyebrows up as I write this, so maybe that’s not entirely true).  The hardest part about med school has been having a boyfriend.  Maybe that’s why I don’t have one anymore.

I moved out of our apartment in January, just one week before starting my second year of medical school. We agreed that me moving out would be best for the relationship. He would take over the lease, and I wouldn’t have to worry so much about money. Up until that point, I felt like I’d tried everything, from dyeing my soul every colour under the sun in the hope that he would fall back in love with just one shade. I tried, I really, really did. But the exhaustion from meticulously choosing every word and placating my tone in the anticipation of the next thing to go wrong, was unlike anything else. He wasn’t being rude, he insisted, just being honest. And if I couldn’t take it, then that was my problem.  I’d been seeing a psychologist, who eventually, after many sessions, shared that she couldn’t believe how much effort I was putting into this sinking ship. She suggested couples’ counselling. He refused.

Had it been going on for some time? Of course it had, but there was never a ‘good’ time to end things (is there ever?). What a laughable concept! “I’m a little busy this week, maybe we can break up next Thursday at 7pm?” To make matters worse and prolong the inevitable even further, I was always determined that there was something that I hadn’t tried yet. It didn’t matter though, because it kept happening over, and over, and over. No matter what I tried to change about myself, nothing worked. Not even the happiest of occasions could blunt the edge I was skating on: I was a bridesmaid for my best friend from school, and felt more alive and glowing than I had in months. But despite every determination to keep the makeup pristine, I couldn’t help let a few tears slip during the ceremony. The vows were beautiful, it’s true, but I think that part of me was quietly grieving as I grew to understand that the guy attending that wedding with me would never, ever love me in the same unconditional way that the groom loves my best friend. And I knew that he would never want to try, because he told me so. It didn’t matter how beautiful I looked that day on the outside. On the inside, I couldn’t help but feel my heart sink as it caught up to my head.

My spirit and self-esteem had been slowly pushed further and further into the ground to the point that I believed that maybe he was right. Maybe I am difficult, and stubborn, and dismissive, and unappreciative. In desperation, I reached out to an old ex of mine, a gorgeous Parisian lawyer who was always kind, honest, and made me laugh. He admitted that although it’d been a long time since we were together, there was no reason to ever justify such outbursts of anger, and assured me that I wasn’t any of those things that I’d listed above. “But of course, you’re not perfect!” he added. I smiled and raised my eyebrows at the message, grateful for his candour, all the while thinking that I probably could’ve done without the last comment. It’s a shame things never worked out with him; I can only assume he is happy with his life in France, as he very much deserves, but he at least serves as a sobering reminder for how I should be treated. I paused and cast my mind back. Our time together is a memory long gone now, but I still remember enough to know that I missed how I felt when we were together: calm, safe, my cheeks often aching from laughing at his quick wit. All things that I didn’t have now. His one small message of kindness after all these years made me realise how miserable I really was.

Because, when I thought about it... could I survive the next 3 years of medical school, plus my training with chaotically unpredictable ups and downs? I’d heard that medicine puts a strain on your relationships, but with or without med school, I don’t think I could survive this. Just a week prior, only a few days before my final exams for the year, we’d had a fight. Another one. No matter my attempts of resolution, they were met with jagged stares of contempt and crushing silence, and so finally, after three days of drowning in an ocean of anxiety, I pleaded for some kind of resolve. I couldn’t eat, sleep, or study from the stress-induced migraines, and was a complete mess at the idea that I would lose my relationship and fail my exams. “So it’s my fault if you fail your exams?” he scoffed. He told me to get over it. I patched things up as best as I could, determined to not let someone who could be so indifferent towards my feelings be my downfall. Miraculously, I passed my exams. But I knew that next time I might not be so lucky.

Moving out bought me one more month.  It sucks, but everything was clearly crumbling around me.  It wasn’t all bad—no one gets into a relationship with someone who’s like this at the start. There were many wonderful, fun, whimsical moments in the years we were together, and the guy I left isn’t the guy I first met.  In the end we just...  weren’t the right fit for each other.  So, I may be alone now, but I’m okay with that. For now, I love talking to the patients and hearing their stories, and I love seeing someone’s eyes light up when I ask them how they met the love of their life.

Hopefully one day I’ll get to share mine.

[777cherryvanilla]

I want to study history I know I do but I also have the need to study science to prove I can be in STEM so badly but my passion is in history so moral of the story, whatever I choose- I will hate myself.

[why-the-heck-not]

me, a responsible being, working on the coding project as I should vs. me, a dysfunctional shithead, getting distracted by reading about brains (once aGAIN damnit (it's my favorite "I need to study my field but bc I should do that it's an impossible unthinkable feat now, so I'm reading about something else to fool my brain I'm still being productive"-topic))

[anonymocha]

Friend hc’d Kaalaa Baunaa as a silent-but-scary-stare type of drunk. This is her after a few drinks. (They’re both drunk)

[puppetmaster13u]

Prompt 94

Danny has no clue what he’s just agreed to but Ellie seems happy about it, so it can’t be too bad. Ellie is honestly surprised but more than a little touched her template-dad gave her permission to let her new clone-union-totally-not-a-revolution use his lair as a home base. Now she just needs to help Klarion figure out how to make those portal-bracelets for each of them…

[machiattostudy]

Samedi 11 février 2023 

Hello there how are you doing ? 

4 months left until graduation. 4 months before becoming a doctor :)) Life is rough and exhausting. Everyone is so stressed out and suspicious since they aren’t enough places for all of the students. I might chose internal medicine. 

I try to stay out of this toxic environnement. I hate competition. 

I hope you guys are doing good. May we all be walking safely and peacefully towards our goals. 

Take care. 

[fantastic-nonsense]

What major do u think tim would be in?🤔 i have a few options in mind, like archaelogy, mechanical engineering or even psychology, but havent been able to settle for any of them

Tysm!

Tim is that one kid who changes his major every semester for the first two years because he can't decide on what he wants to do, takes a gap year in the middle of his degree to go hiking in Albania, and then comes back and graduates with a double major and a minor with a solid B average because he decided if he couldn't choose one thing to do, he'll just do it all, and then got overloaded while trying to finish because nothing he picked has any overlapping reqs.

In my mind, he starts off in business because "it's the major my dad would have wanted me to pick", switches to computer science after a serious come to jesus talk with his advisor because it's what he thinks he's interested in, and then finally lands on mechanical engineering after he sits down and realizes he only actually likes doing computer stuff for fun and Robining and not as an actual job. He ends up coupling the engineering degree with a double major in sports medicine and a minor in photography.

[nerdgirlnarrates]

Had to explain to my parents last night that women don’t pee out of their vaginas. And then they just didn’t believe me!!! My mother kept saying that she knows she only has two holes (?????????) until my dad made everyone move on.

[equinesandeducation]

It is done!!! ☑️🎓 My thesis of veterinary medicine is finished, after taking a year in between my bachelor's and master's degree, so I could spend more time on it and also get my honours certificate! It was so much work, I was so so so nervous to present, but everything went great and our entire group got awarded their diploma's. So proud!! 🥹🥳

[medstudy09]

Now that my theory papers are over I am going to start medicine classes again

[justinesattendingadventures]

I survived residency!

Yes I still have 7 days left...

But I have now officially graduated!

[meddlecine]

You haven’t studied, and it shows.

“What caused the jaundiced appearance in the patient?” the consultant asked expectantly of me.

“Errrr,” I paused, trying to give off an air that I had at least one piece of relevant information inside my head. The 5 other med students in my group stared nervously at me, probably grateful that they weren't being asked this question themselves. Or maybe they were nervous that I couldn’t answer such a simple question.

I looked up towards the ceiling as if that’s where the answer would be. (Spoiler alert: it wasn’t.) An uncomfortable amount of time had passed in silence, and disappointingly, the answer still hadn’t magically appeared in my mind. Eventually, I looked back at the consultant and muttered, “I’m not sure, sorry,” as if he didn’t already know that I had absolutely zero idea.

Without any acknowledgement, he fired out the next student’s name. “Right, Oliver, what’s the answer?”

“Excess bilirubin,” Oliver confidently answered without missing a beat. Damnit. I did know that one.

The cycle of questions continued over and over and over, the consultant either being so skilled at hiding his disappointment in my lack of ability to answer a single question today, or, he simply did not care. For weeks now I’d been prioritising my job and clients over my studies, and today, it showed.

We headed back to the elevator. “One last one for today,” he began. Oh gosh. Here we go. “What food is high in potassium?”, he asked. Finally, something I could answer.

“Bananas!” I spat out, beaming with pride that I could show that I had a glimpse of knowledge. Still counts as a win, right?

But... lesson learned. So, here’s a question that you can all answer. How should you never, ever turn up to the wards?

I’ll tell you: completely unprepared. 

Take it from someone who just spent the whole day feeling woefully out of her depth. Let’s hope that I manage to get my act together before our next placement day...!

[siriusfelis]

I love dunmeshi modern aus that keep the magic system/worldbuilding. You know Marcille wrote her dissertation about ancient magic and its medical benefits

[thoughtfullyrainynightmare]

My wedding ring (ft. my engagement ring) ^^ ❤️🔥

With my wedding dress (already previously shown here)

[anonymocha]

Robot Love is Forever

Drew this with friends for a graduation film shoot at art class

[bougiebutchbitch]

.

on the one hand, very glad that my 'rents immediately took on the attitude of 'okay so you are disabled - we love you and support you and will do what we need to give you accommodations so that you can continue to live as 'normal' a life as possible'

On the whole that's been really great! I've managed to be a lot more independent than most people with my conditions - certainly most people with this severity - even though I can't live alone.

Sure, in part, that's on me. I get to pat myself on the back because whenever I see my specialists, I get a Gold Star In Patient for being so motivated and driven.

But more than that, my success & career & so forth is because I am lucky and privileged enough to have a solid and loving support network! I also live in a country with free healthcare (even if it's kinda atrocious)! And there are mandatory regulations protecting disabled people in the workplace and making sure accommodations are met (even if people are sooooo shitty about them)! My university literally bought me LOADS of very expensive aids I would never have been able to afford on my own, so I could continue to study! I am so fucking lucky, and I am very grateful to my parents for their continued care!

But. Like all the doctors/specialists/etc., my 'rents have a Strong Protestant Work EthicTM. They always want me to be actively trying to do as much as I possibly can. Which means pushing myself to breaking point before giving up and saying 'I cannot do this thing, please help'

And that

Is not

Fucking

Feasible

Long

Term

Hell, it's not feasible short term and is probably part of why I keep having flares and crashes, lol

Working yourself to exhaustion before you're allowed to ask for help is fucking awful, actually. I wish more able-bodied people realised this. Disabled people shouldn't have to push themselves to the point where they're worsening their condition before they can ask for help without being shamed. Knowing that doing a task will make your condition worse, gritting your teeth, doing it anyway, and dealing with the medical fallout is sometimes a necessity. But expecting people to do that for every single fucking task is inhumane.