#gpodrew

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Feeling good about myself today. #gpodrew #selfie https://www.instagram.com/p/B50yxiFnQuf/?igshid=1bj8w069f61hc

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New haircut! And a post-#noshavenovember trim, but I'm keeping the beard. I like it. #gpodrew #selfie https://www.instagram.com/p/B5noJr9FBeX/?igshid=sex5pcdvxs3u

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I did #noshavenovember this year, since I've never gone that long without shaving. I kinda like how I look with a beard, honestly. It's definitely a different look! #gpodrew #selfie (at Windsor, Ontario) https://www.instagram.com/p/B5i4XqDld8M/?igshid=1glkt418870kn

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It's been a minute. Come see me in Autopsy October 4/5/10/11/12! That's what's taken over my life, basically. #selfie #gpodrew https://www.instagram.com/p/B22jz3hHtXk/?igshid=1ognq63p7w8la

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Today is a good day, y'all. It's actually been a string of good days for the last, like, two weeks. Here's hoping it continues! #gpodrew #selfie (at Windsor, Ontario) https://www.instagram.com/p/B0n91xvnxKX/?igshid=derk3gmhhp5x

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Haven't been sleeping properly for the last month (or at all, some nights). My skin is so dry these days that sometimes I literally can't stop scratching, and I've scratched my face raw in a couple places -- and this is *with* regular moisturizing. Dealing with random bouts of feeling lonely and useless, and unsure of life in general, but they're beaten back pretty easily when I actually put some thought and mindfulness into the feelings. It's been an interesting last couple of months, but things are (hopefully) in the works that mean there's a light at the end of this tunnel! Feeling good about how I look recently, as well. Here's hoping my life is back to being somewhat stable by my birthday next month! #gpodrew #selfie (at Windsor, Ontario) https://www.instagram.com/p/B7UiAzLnU0B/?igshid=1c5quigairpj4

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Going back on my ADHD meds was definitely the right decision -- holy hell, have I been productive the last few days. I think I need to reevaluate just how much i think my ADHD affects me when I'm unmedicated; I almost always focus on my bipolar disorder, but it's really the combination of the two that kills me. #gpodrew #selfie #selfcare #amwriting #actuallyadhd #actuallybipolar https://www.instagram.com/p/B12tOX0H45t/?igshid=6bqrb1dvifdb

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ConBravo has successfully started! Barely slept, haven't eaten, haven't properly caffeinated, have walked 7km today in a single room... #worthit #gpodrew #selfie #ConBravo (at ConBravo) https://www.instagram.com/p/B0Zegv8HAAa/?igshid=1p5veepe7q3s4

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New haircut! #gpodrew #selfie https://www.instagram.com/p/B2Pi9AlH0p1/?igshid=16hp5cp056f0i

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I always forget just how much of an age difference my looks have between full facial hair and clean shaven... #18again #selfie #gpodrew https://www.instagram.com/p/B3xQKTjHdJP/?igshid=49aen29au8ga

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Finally feeling the depressive episode lift that's been hanging over me for basically all of 2019 so far. Hopefully it's actually on its way out; I have so much I want to do that I just haven't had the energy or brainpower for. Positive thoughts always appreciated -- here's hoping I get a nice long stretch of "normal". (Or next to it, anyway.) #chaoticgay #gpodrew #selfie #instagay #bipolarlove #bipolardisorderawareness #depressedlife #depression #mentalillness #mentalhealth #endthestigma (at Windsor, Ontario) https://www.instagram.com/p/Bv7VkGinsUV/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1je2nsn0utuz2

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#365daysofhappiness, Day 7 (because I'm late): this is a weird one, but I'm just really happy that while I'm going back into a depressive episode, my roommate is checking in on me regularly, my workplace (the wonderful @latermedia) is understanding if I need to use a sick day and I never feel like I need to be cagey about what's going on, and I'm on medications that support me well enough that even though I can tell that this is a "down" week, I'm not doing too badly. I'm happy that I'm okay with not being happy, I guess. #gpodrew #selfie #selflove #bipolarlove #bipolardisorderawareness #bipolarconfessions #bipolar #bipolardisorder #medication #meds #gayselfie #gay #instagay #depression #depressedlife #ilovemyjob https://www.instagram.com/p/BsY74aJni-A/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=rfycstm5qffm

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Today was a good day. #gpodrew #selfie #selfcare #selflove (at Windsor, Ontario) https://www.instagram.com/p/BrjmBsRlKnY/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=rnavyvrosjcg

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Feeling good. And, more importantly, mostly feeling like myself. #gpodrew #selfie (at Windsor, Ontario) https://www.instagram.com/p/Bo8N1CBBTkf/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=js8yigfmflo1

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It's only been very, very recently that I've been okay with having my picture taken. I don't think it's anything close to a secret that I have really poor self-esteem; my self-image has pretty much always been the worst part of it. Having lost a lot of weight, changed my style completely, gained a lot of confidence, and moved to a new city all in the last five or so years, too, I've found that there are a lot of times that I don't really match up my mental image with the physical reality. So I have a kind of weird relationship with selfies. I (clearly) take them pretty often, but it's become almost a ritual to check in and have kind of... Physical proof of who I am, what I look like, how I seem. It's, interestingly, largely stopped the dissociation that I used to have as a symptom of what I now know is bipolar disorder. But I've been told people sometimes think I'm super vain and in love with myself when they first see me on social media, which feels really bizarre to me, since I really, really couldn't be further from that. The best part, though, is that @jengurniakphotography took this without knowing any of that; she just had seen something similar and wanted to b recreate it with me, and it was just completely accidental that it was a photo that I genuinely loved having taken (even though this particular pose was awkward) that looked like it was capturing a type of photo I take a lot but don't really love myself in. I just have a lot of thoughts about selfies and the large-scale demonizing of them, okay? #gpodrew #selfie #ish #bipolarlove #dissociation #mentalhealthawareness #endthestigma https://www.instagram.com/p/BoGQ0jghall/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=m67907yuq87l

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It's really easy to talk about my #bipolar disorder when things are going well. I get a lot of people who go "I would never have guessed", or say that I really don't 'seem like the typical bipolar person'. And I mostly take that as the compliment it's intended to be; I'm mostly in control of it, and mostly I can act and push through and delay problems. Other times, I have a massive crash and have to take a sick day so I can sleep until 4 in the afternoon, and still feel like a failure. Very little went the way I wanted it to today, but I'll just... Start again tomorrow. It's all I can really do, honestly. It's a lot harder to talk about being bipolar when bipolar is making my life hard, but I have to try to talk about it then(now) because.. well, these are the days people need to know about. Days when my brain self-sabotages for no reason beyond "just to be an asshole", or when I literally can't pull myself out of bed. Because they happen, sometimes with no warning, but... They go away. They're not every day. And that's important for people to know when they get diagnosed -- I'm going to be like this for the rest of my life, but every day of the rest of my life isn't going to be like this. #gpodrew #selfie #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #mentalhealthmatters #mentalillness #bipolarlove #bipolardisorder #endthestigma (at Windsor, Ontario) https://www.instagram.com/p/Bn5XnRfhm_o/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=snhbb38u90cf