#gourmet garbage

[alfazoings]

started playing limbus company. The cockroach infested my brain 💔

[yourlocaldisneyvillain]

beautiful (nsfw)

jan stevens/f!reader

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

tags: lesbian sex, body image issues, rosacea, relationship study, oviposition

written for @alexusonfire

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

beautiful

Jan knows how to love you.

She peppers sweet kisses all over your flushed face, your rosacea rendered more prominent by the blush born out of desire as she rubs gentle circles over your underwear, the fabric growing damper by the second. She laughs when you thank her.

“What exactly are you thanking me for, darling?” she chuckles into the soft, flushed skin of your cheek as she pulls the soaked underwear aside and gently, slowly slides a single finger inside of you. 

Besides the hot, aching want, there is confusion. Does she not see you?

“I know I’m not, ah,” you breathe out, “the prettiest girl, and yet you make me feel…”

You can’t bring yourself to finish the sentence, to find the right words, because Jan curls her finger and presses into that rough, sweet spot that makes your mind go blank. “Ah, Jan!” you cry.

“How?” she murmurs in-between soft kisses on your cheeks, nose, chin. “How do I make you feel? Tell me.”

She pumps her finger faster, applying just the right amount of pressure — she knows your body well by now, never fails to pay attention to what makes your thighs tremble and your breathing grow laboured, what makes you moan louder. 

“Wanted,” you whine as pressure deep in your belly starts to build. “Ah! You make me feel… wanted.”

“My beautiful girl,” she coos at you when you come undone around her finger. She's always warm and gentle, but still somehow overwhelming. The only thing you are aware of is Jan. Her lips on your burning cheek, her warm breath on your flushed skin, her body that radiates heat, looming over you, trapping you against the bed, her finger still inside of you. Jan, Jan, Jan, everywhere. 

“Beautiful,” she continues to whisper into your skin. She kisses your cheeks that are speckled red and that you hate so much, but she seems to love. 

She sounds so genuine that you don’t dare argue with her.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

Jan knows how to love you.

She never closes her eyes when she kisses you. It’s somewhat unnerving — or it would be if it were anyone else but Jan.

“Why do you never close your eyes when we kiss?” you ask one day as you sit in the garden under the apple tree that barely started blooming, admiring blackbirds chirping.

She cups your face and pulls you close. Her bright blue eyes lined with perpetually smudged black eyeliner and that signature messy eyeshadow shine with adoration. 

“Because you are art,” she says. “And it is a crime not to admire art when it stands right in front of you.”

You laugh in disbelief, and she shuts you up by crushing her mouth into yours, making your head spin with her wet, hot kisses. 

She doesn’t close her eyes.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

Jan knows how to love you.

You kiss in the drawing room, sprawled on the sofa. “Jan,” you say, pulling away, “shouldn’t we go upstairs?”

“I’m afraid I can’t wait to touch you,” she says, kissing along your jaw. “I want to have you right on this sofa.” 

“But it’s — ah! — only five minutes to get upstairs!” you breathe as she bites your neck. 

“Too long,” Jan chuckles into your skin and pins you down onto the sofa, straddling you. You have no further argument to offer. 

She kisses the flushing skin of your cheeks as you grind against each other. The small sofa creaks under your weight, mirrors the rhythm of your hips. Laboured breathing and quiet moans echo throughout the empty, dark drawing room. Jan watches you with love and reverence in her eyes as she reaches her peak and coats your thigh in her wetness. The mere sight makes you come undone as well. 

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

Jan knows how to love you.

She has a lot of love to give — too much, everyone always says — she’s too much. Too tall, too imposing, too prone to meddling into everyone’s affairs, too preoccupied with her job. She is too eager, wears too much makeup, has too extravagant tastes, likes young, pretty artists that come to the Institute just a little bit too much. 

They don’t see her the way you do. Love swirls inside of her, begging to be released, to be given. If anything, she is too loving, too generous, too kind. They say she’s too much, but perhaps everyone else isn’t enough. 

“I’m fat,” you say one evening as you’re getting ready for the afternoon mixer — an informal press conference of sorts, to announce your new album. You look at yourself in the mirror, pinching your thighs, your belly, tugging at your underwear that digs into your soft skin. 

Jan, now out of her bunny pyjamas she lounged in all day and already half-dressed, puts her hands over yours and presses her front into your back. She towers over you, and you lean your head onto her breasts. You watch her reflection in the mirror, relieved to tear your gaze away from your own image. Her eye makeup is somehow even darker than usual (if that sort of thing is even possible), her hair styled in intricate finger curls. She looks enchanting and just a bit unsettling — like an oversized doll.

She squeezes the soft flesh of your belly. “You are perfect,” she says.

“I’m fat,” you repeat.

She comes in front of you and kneels. “I never said you weren’t. I said you are beautiful.”

You sometimes wonder if Jan simply doesn't see what you see, you worry that you somehow tricked her into thinking you're beautiful — but it seems that she sees exactly what you see, and yet something completely different at the same time. 

You rest your hands on her hair as she kisses your belly, your hips, your thighs, leaving plum lipstick marks all over your skin. Her hair is hard and clumped from hairspray. You caress it fondly. 

“My beautiful girl,” she whispers, planting a kiss right onto the band of your underwear. Her fake eyelashes flutter like butterflies as she blinks up at you, watching you like you truly are a piece of art — something exquisite, something special, something to be admired. "You're simply gorgeous."

For the first time ever, you don’t argue with her. “Thank you,” you say.

She kisses your belly button and gets up. When you dress, she compliments you again, and she seems to be unable to refrain from touching you. 

She doesn’t stop showering you with compliments all throughout the evening. 

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

Jan knows how to love you.

You gasp when she inserts the gelatine eggs inside of you. They stretch and fill you deliciously. She discards the neon dildo once all three eggs are inside of you. 

“If only you knew how pretty you look like this,” she murmurs into your thigh as she kisses it, all while eyeing your filled pussy with lust in her eyes. Pink gelatine drips out of pink folds as the eggs slowly melt inside of you. She licks it. 

She never breaks eye contact with you as she eats you out. Your muscles convulse with pleasure, and one egg slips out of you. She catches it with her mouth, spits it out in her hand, and then shoves it back inside of you, making you groan as you’re stretched once again. 

“No one else would let me do this. No one ever let me love them like this,” she says, wiping gelatine from her lips — a futile gesture, for moments later her mouth is back on your aching pussy. She watches you as she sucks at the pink flesh and licks the pink gelatine.

“No one else would ever love me like this,” you say, unable to peel your eyes away from the odd, beautiful, fantastic, absolutely mad woman between your legs. 

She stops pleasuring you for a moment, huffing in disbelief. You feel the gust of cool air on your wet, hot cunt. “You say it as if it were a chore,” she says before continuing to devour you with gusto.

“I love you,” you breathe out after a mere couple of minutes, when an intense orgasm washes over you and eggs slide our of your pussy and onto the silken sheets. 

“I love you, Jan,” you cry as she continues to suck on your clit that aches with overstimulation, making your thighs close around her head. You close your eyes. Hot tears stream down your red, splotchy cheeks. After a couple of moments you feel her wet and slick lips on your cheeks, kissing the tears away. 

“I love you too, my beautiful girl,” she says.

You believe her. 

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

taglist: @opheliauniverse @dumbasslesbi @bychrissi @scream-queenlover @muffintopxs @bigolgay @gwenslucifer @weemswife @yourhauntedhead @carnivorousflowers @i-have-insane-that-i-am-paper @softshrimpy @willowshadenox @syrenacrainn @weemssapphic @dianneking @imprincipalweemspet @kimiinou @ninelesbien @i-love-nerdy-stuff @eveymay @myzzjolanda @pluied-ete @brienneswife @gwenzone @principal-weems09 @inlovewithalcinadimitrescu @gela123 @emilynissangtr @gwendolinechristieiscute @h-doodles @winterfireblond @larissaoftarthweems @a-queen-and-her-throne @bikergurl5 @salems-spaghettios @theflashesoflove @catechristiesstuff @vendocrap8008 @billiedeansbitch @coffeemelko @lilfartbox1 @amateurwritescm @daydream-cement @kaymariesworld @sicklygrlsicklygrl @wh0re4women @rippersz @milfsloverblog

[little-shiny-sharpies]

Man sunshine x grumpy is such a great ship concept but it sucks that it is absolutely infested with plain boring cishet “Man who’s mean bc he likes you” and “small petite white lady who can’t stand up for herself” vibes yall 😭

Im not going for “motherly woman who likes to cook” and “guy who would say a slur at the slightest chance”

I’m going for “hope is a weapon you learn to wield/ the indomitable human spirit of belief in yourself while spitting up blood saying I didn’t hear no bell”

handcuffed to

“monster who hates what’s been done to him feels hopeless and angry at the world desperately seeks freedom and revenge in life, Ms.Sunshine sees this and decides needs to get punched upwards emotionally”

[emdotcom]

You. Nuance now.

You can like shit that has problematic shit in it, without being a bad person. You don't have to give me a list of EVERY bad thing a piece of media you enjoy does, & why it's bad, but it DOES help to be mindful of that shit. You're allowed to enjoy your bad thing. You don't have to explain it or qualify it to anyone -- you know it's bad, we all know it's bad.

That said, if you watch something with bad shit, people will indeed judge you, or want you to not talk about your thing, or may even avoid you/block you for posting about it. While I know that feels bad, it's just a fact, bud. Those people don't directly want to hurt you, they just feel real strongly, & I think they're allowed to feel that, & I think they're allowed to act on that, to a certain point.

FURTHERMORE, there is a fucking line that you do not, do not, do NOT cross! Where that is will be different for most people, & fuzzy for all. For me, I can tolerate a lot of shit, but another person may not. I also think there is a definitive line you don't cross, which is media that is actively hurting somebody. I find it helpful to ask, "Is consuming this thing harmful? Can I hurt somebody this way?" I.E. you buy the queen terf antisemitism & transphobia game, beaming money DIRECTLY into the queen terf 's bank account, which sh has publicly, VERBALLY said she treats as a person accepting her shit beliefs, & she will then use the money to lobby horrendous bills. You are not enjoying garbage, at this point. You are actively doing something wrong, & you fucking know it, & I don't have the time nor the desire to waste another single goddam breath on telling you that any further.

I am not saying that you are required to go invest in problematic things. I am not saying you need to see something you KNOW will upset you. I am saying you are allowed to keep a list of media that you will never, ever touch, that you hate enough that you will not even talk to somebody about it. I am saying you can block a person over liking a piece of shit media you fucking hate. I am saying you can have a list of things that bug you so badly, that you immediately drop something just for having it, & you don't have to qualify anything on that list to me, or explain why -- you can just avoid that thing -- that's just fine. I am saying you can like something with bad shit in it, & I promise you do NOT need to give me a 5k words essay on why it's bad -- this isn't school, you're not getting Oops I Like Something Bad 😞😔 homework.

I am saying you are human. You are meat & bone, with a bit of electricity running through it. You are fallable. You are allowed to like something that isn't good. You do not have to be forever pure, forever flawless marble, because you are not made of stone, & even if you were, marble is worn down & away, with time. Nothing is infallible or perfect, in this world, & that's nice, actually.

I'm also saying, what a fucking miserable way to go through life, seeing everything that is not perfectly pristine as a sin, as a crime, as something that even an association with makes you guilty. There's so many things to see, to read, to watch, to share, & you're being FUCKING CATHOLIC ABOUT IT??? DO I NEED TO REPENT?? FOR LIKING SOMETHING NOT 10000% CLEAN?? SHOULD I PAY MY FUCKING TITHES OR JUST GET THE LASHES. GRABS YOU. MAIMS.

[koevo]

And they are absolutely correct for it.

Fun Fact: Frisk hates Soda according to Undyne's dialogue when you point the spear at the soda during your hang out with her.

They hate soda, but love garbage. Truly, their palette is a mystery.

[wednesdayschildswitchcraft]

I have a personal headcanon that all of the bats in the batfamily can cook, but to differing degrees.

Alfred: God among Men, high brow and low brow, man lived with post-war rationing and army meals, can also lay out a 5 course gourmet meal of any type of cuisine, only weakness is waffles, just can't get the timing and consistency correct.

Bruce: can cook, but only if he focuses on it, if he gets distracted, he will burn it whatever it is. Will still eat it because he doesn't actually care about taste. Eating is annoying type of autistic

Dick: has a solid 5 to 10 things he can consistently cook well that's mostly just basics with one 'special occasions' meal, otherwise, human garbage disposal that eats mostly carnival foods if left to his own devises.

Jason: solid cook, learned a lot from Alfred, mostly cooks poor/street food type things from around the world, but can elevate it to gourmet if needed. May or may not have worked as a line cook at one point. Prone to using too much rosemary/garlic/paprika according to people with a weaker palette

Tim: the best stoner food ever. 10/10 no notes. Gives line cook energy after 48hrs awake. Also, on the rare occasion he can get his brain out of casework, pastries. It's chemistry but for food with razor-thin margins of error and painstaking attention to detail, so it's like a little treat for himself

Steph: normal basic cooking. Crockpot and casserole supremacy, cookies and basic cakes. Nothing fancy, no frills, has definitely worked as a fry cook at one point.

Cass: learned from Dick, 5-10 basics, and a chili that is deemed a health hazard in 26 of the 48 continental states plus Alaska. Pain is a competition and she is winning.

Damian: Arabic, Nepalese, and Chinese vegetarian dishes, entirely because that's what he wanted to learn to cook.

Duke: All-around solid cook much like Steph, good at soul food and struggle foods, also, incredible sandwiches. Like god-tier homemade subs.

The Fox family: soul food, but kinda bougie. Secret family fried chicken recipe that multiple people would be willing to kill for.

Harper Row: struggle meals. Like condiments and stale crackers turned into something incredible type of magic bs. Cullen has learned some, but Harper is Queen

Babs: jail, puts raisins in the potatoe salad, jello mold bitch. Makes a mean meatloaf, though. Still asked to bring plates and napkins to family potlucks/cookouts

[archiemcphee]

Possum Candy

This candy tastes like a possum! Some animals just look so good you wonder what they taste like and possums are definitely at the head of the pack. Garbage fed, gourmet taste! You get 2.5 oz of individually wrapped, pink and white striped hard candy with the flavor of everyone’s favorite garbage-munching marsupial. Some describe the flavor as being like pork, but with notes of piquant swill.

[doodlinggoat]

#it makes jv happy to see harry running around like a headless chicken sure but why does he make judit come with him 

Jean “nothing leaves this room” Vicquemare is pretending everything is normal, right? Harry lost his everything? His badge, gun, memory? No, sir. None of that.

Judit should be with the team. Working the case. Just like usual. All normal. Yep, everything is just working as intended! So there she is. Doing her part!

(I also cannot imagine Judit is a good liar, so I straight up headcanon Jean took her along so nobody can ask/confront her about anything unusual.)

Hardie boys: y’all seen those two cops. how long have they been there at the same spot. what are they doing. why are they just there literally staring at the wall. it’s been 3 days

[demetriandelibinaryboyfriends]

I was going through my blog for the past few months when SUDDENLY

Truly I love when one of my posts ages like fine wine. Gourmet cheese, even. I have never felt more validated in my entire life XD Literally the only thing that was possibly disproven here was that, as @baldwinboy5ive has pointed out, Yasmine never confirms she actually likes bleunamis and we can't say for sure that that wasn't just Demetri assuming she did ^^;

"Ohhhhh it makes no sense Demetri cheated on Yasmine! He's obsessed with her! He worships her! Like I don't even like the ship but this is how he acts in canon!" Besties how do I explain to you that Demetri is not obsessed with Yasmine, not even a little bit. He's not even obsessed with the idea of her, although he might have been at some point. He SAYS he's obsessed with Yasmine, and he clearly wants the people around him to THINK he's obsessed with Yasmine. But his actions do not remotely indicate that, and never have.

If Demetri was actually obsessed with Yasmine at any point, we would know such things as what her hobbies are, what her hopes and dreams in life are, where she wants to go to college, what kind of job she wants to have, which school subjects she's okay at and which ones she struggles with, or literally like. Anything else that makes her a person. We as the audience don't know any of these things because Demetri, who should know a good chunk of this information if not all of it, has never made a single mention of anything Yasmine-related beyond the most obvious and surface-level details.

Unfortunately, throughout S6, Demetri forgets Yasmine's existence every time she walks offscreen. And even when there would be a natural opportunity to bring her up, i.e. when the kids are talking about college, Demetri does not make a single peep about her or how she factors into his post-high-school plans. Even in S4 and S5, Demetri only brings up Yasmine's existence a couple of times (once when talking to Eli about how karate helped him land a hot girl, and once when trying to give Miguel relationship advice for his own girlfriend). Neither of these are Yasmine-specific--Demetri talks about her like she fills the "girlfriend" role in his life and has no importance in of herself. Eli should get back into karate because karate got Demetri a hot girlfriend! Demetri is justified in giving Miguel girl tips because he has a hot girlfriend! It could literally be anyone and the way Demetri treats her and talks about her wouldn't change.

Moreover, if Demetri was as obsessed with Yasmine as he claims, they would maybe have one (1) conversation that wasn't about Demetri and his shit. Their relationship is all about him, and Yasmine revolving herself around him and his needs. She cares about karate because of him! She cares about nerd shit because of him! He plans their dates and orders food he assumes she will like without her actually indicating she will! And when, pray tell, has Demetri ever embraced, asked about, or indicated even minimal knowledge of Yasmine's interests???

Not. One. Fucking. Time. He barely ever talks about her and we have no proof he knows anything about her. That is literally the farthest thing from obsession. I can tell you as an ex middle school girl who was not immune to intensive and all-consuming crushes, I could probably write biographies for all my objects of affection solely based off of info they had mentioned to me or things I found out secondhand. I retained all of it, and I fixated on it. I talked about their lives nonstop and bored the shit out of all my friends. THAT is obsession. THAT is worship.

"But he calls her queen! He calls her goddess!" These are...not uncommon pet names for people who are dating. And in any case, pet names do not mean shit. Guys will call girls "baby" or "sweetheart" or "honey" and then abuse them and treat them like garbage. If anything, lavish, extra-ass pet names like "my goddess" can actually be used as a subtle manipulation tactic. Because hey, if I'm calling you something that implies I kiss the ground you walk upon, then maybe you won't notice that I never ask a single question or remember a single thing of substance about you, right? If I TALK like you're my whole world and then some, then maybe you won't notice that I am meeting your emotional needs at all because I do not actually know or understand you at all!

Now, I don't think Demetri is truly so much of a piece of shit that he's manipulating Yasmine intentionally. I think the over-the-top pet names are just one more thing he's using to sell the image that he is a Totally Normal Guy Who Is Thrilled To Be With This Hot Girl and cover up the fact he is not actually into or interested in her at all. More on this later.

"But it's because Demetri and Yasmine barely get any screentime! Demetri hasn't brought up any details about Yasmine because it's not relevant to the story!" And let's stop to think about why that is, eh? Demetri doesn't consider his partner to be worth a mention or even a passing thought in regard to...literally everything else in his life. And in S3, S4, and S6, Demetri gets plenty of screentime to maybe like. Say one (1) substantial thing about Yasmine. And the crazy thing is that it could incorporate seamlessly into the "comic relief side guy" role they are often determined to keep Demetri in. Imagine Demetri yapping at karate practice about designer fashion or nail salons or something else Yasmine talks to him about, and Johnny overhears and is like "ha! I knew he was a weird sissyboy!"Only to find out he got into these things by proxy via his incredibly hot girlfriend. Like it would NOT be hard to use this relationship for one-off jokes that would be on-brand for this show's humor, and yet. They don't. Instead of seeming even mildly interested in his girlfriend's existence, the showrunners have Demetri make pop culture references and situational snarky comments.

Now, you're probably wondering why someone like Demetri, who usually unapologetically does what he wants and doesn't give a shit if people don't like it, would initiate and stay in a relationship that he does not actually want to be in. And the reason, to me, is simple: He wants to fit in.

Demetri, from the beginning, has struck me as someone who doesn't have much interest in girls and dating, but wants people to think he does to appear "normal." Admitting he doesn't care about something most teenage boys obsess over would instantly "other" him and make him an even bigger target for bullying, which we know he's been dealing with for some time. And then, when Miguel and Eli both show overt interest in girls and get girlfriends, the pressure only increases. At this point, he's already worried they're going to leave him behind because of karate. The last thing he needs is something to cement to the two best friends embracing traditional masculinity that he's some kind of abnormal freak, and something they need to shed so as not to ALSO be seen as freaks.

(The why of Demetri's disinterest in girls and dating is irrelevant here, but for what it's worth, I think the simplest and most straightforward answer is that he's closeted and gay. If you don't see that, however, it's also possible he's acearospec. OR he just...is not impressed by any of the people he meets as dating prospects and maybe wants to wait until college to find a more meaningful connection with someone than just "they're hot and we have spicy make-out sessions." But in the world of high school boys--especially the toxic masculinity-obsessed world of Cobra Kai--this is NOT something you can ever outright say if you want people to respect you.)

Flash forward to Demetri getting with Yasmine, and attaining the safely unattainable. What is he supposed to do here that won't expose the "otherness" he's been trying to hide all along? He still has no real interest in her--he never did, and now he has to worry that might become apparent. Even when he (presumably) gets to know her, it's clear he's not too engaged or captivated, considering how he never demonstrates knowing any more about her than he did in S1. And he can't break up with her, considering all the unwanted attention that would bring. Because WHY WHY WHY would he give up every sane, NORMAL guy's dream??? Demetri's life may be in a more stable place--Miguel and Eli are his best friends again and he has a wider friend circle on the whole--but for all he knows, the only reason he was able to achieve this kind of happiness was BECAUSE he conformed. He got a hot girlfriend--the apparent ULTIMATE mark of social status in this dudebro-run universe--and if he willingly gives that up, he could lose everything. If he admits he doesn't want a girlfriend just for "having a girlfriend's sake," maybe Miguel and Eli will reject him. Maybe the rest of his friends and support system will, too. After all, so many of the people in Demetri's network are in relationships--Sam, Miguel, Robby, Tory, Eli, Moon. Hell, even his senseis! Johnny is dating Carmen, and Daniel is happily married. Being single by choice would make Demetri the odd one out. And after the abandonment issues he developed in S2, no way in HELL is he doing anything to jeopardize his support network.

And that brings us to Barcelona. Demetri got a significant confidence boost from beating Eli in the flag fight, and is starting to realize that he's more desirable to girls than he thought. Maybe he doesn't have to settle for Yasmine as a cover-up if there are other girls out there who could fill that role. Because that is all it is--a role. We have every reason to believe Demetri doesn't value romantic entanglements with girls for their own sake; to him, they're just a tool for showing off his coolness via "look! I get bitches!" as well as a means of fitting in with his peers.

So here comes Maria, offering Demetri a chance to show off just how cool and baller he is to his peers via giving him the ultimate thing men should strive for in this universe--girl attention. Demetri doesn't need Yasmine anymore. She's thousands of miles away, and there's a girl right in front of him who will help him project the image he wants. Why should he be concerned with a girl he only ever pretended to like to maintain appearances? Hell, maybe there's even some resentment there, if Demetri legitimately felt like he couldn't break up with Yasmine without subjecting himself to social scrutiny.

Add this to Demetri's falling out with Eli, and it gives him even more motivation to dance with Maria. Note how Eli is the one initially checking out Maria--enough so that Demetri slaps him like "you have a girlfriend!" And when Maria comes over, Eli feels like he has to say no out of principle. Demetri sees an opportunity to get under Eli's skin via dancing with a girl he's attracted to, and hey--it works, doesn't it?

Worth noting that Eli is ALSO a pretty shit boyfriend who knows basically nothing about Moon, but unlike Demetri, he has a more clear-cut feeling of "I shouldn't do this because it would be wrong." Demetri, meanwhile, is either so numbed out from the guilt of using Yasmine for his image that he wouldn't have any left to feel for cheating OR he knew what he was doing from the jump, in which case...why the hell would he feel even an iota of guilt for cheating, or hesitance to do so?

I suspect it's the former, since Demetri isn't like...a sociopath. But I do think he has been using Yasmine for quite some time now, whether he actively feels bad about it or not. And that's so clearly and obviously wrong that, in Demetri's mind, it dwarfs any "wrongness" of dancing with someone else when you're technically in a relationship. So might as well have some fun and make Eli mad, right?

"But you're biased because you ship Eli and Demetri!" Bizarrely enough, a lot of the complaints about the cheating plotline are coming from...other Elimetri shippers. At first I thought it was kind of funny (like...can't we just take the win and be happy, guys? Can't we celebrate the fact we've been saying Demetri doesn't give a rat's ass about his performative het relationship, and we were proven correct?), but now it's starting to get on my nerves. I feel like a lot of people in this fandom like Demetri not for what he is, but this like...kooky goofy funny wholesome comic relief guy they've built up in their head. Or people SAY they love his Villain Arc and want him to be a horrible cunt in Part 2, and then they flip tf out and claim he's OOC when he actually DOES do morally questionable things. The Demetri fandom apparently can't handle him being flawed if it's not in like...a safe and sanitized way where he doesn't act like thaaaaaaaat much of a jerk.

And what's even MORE frustrating is the way people are spazzing out over Demetri being flawed in a way that is VERY MUCH supported by what we have seen of his character for the rest of the show. Yes, he WOULD cheat, actually! Yes, it DOES make sense for him to cheat on a woman with another woman as a closeted gay boy (or something else significantly outside the cishet norm)--he has no real investment in his romantic relationships with women! the people around him seem to indicate that "getting chicks" is the ultimate mark of prowess, badassery, and success. Demetri figures "Hey, as long as I'm doing that, it doesn't matter who the fuck the chicks actually are. I just need to meet my Normal Heterosexual Quota before I go do something I actually give a shit about, like playing Dungeon Lord."

All this can be true, by the way, without Demetri being an absolute steaming shitpile of a person. We KNOW he has redeeming traits! He's incredibly loyal to and protective of his friends, and has been especially ride-or-die for Miguel, Eli, and Sam. He loves playing the entertainer, and he clearly eats it up whenever he makes Eli or one of his other friends laugh. He's sweet and loving with his female friends like Moon and Sam (which makes it all the more apparent to me that he...doesn't really care about Yasmine tbh. He has far healthier relationships with his platonic friends than his own partner!). He found it in him to forgive his best friend for some truly heinous shit, and probably would have been content for it all to be water under the bridge if not for the college debacle. Demetri is not unilaterally a bad person because he caved to the pressure to have a girlfriend and then...dealt with it poorly when he realized he didn't actually want her. His flaws and shortcomings are what make him interesting!

So often people see him in this really black and white way that really does his character a disservice. It's always "my Demetri is the bestest kindest gentlest most caring boy in the world and would NEVER cheat!" or "Demetri is absolute TRASH because he cheated on his girlfriend even though Miguel did too and we forgave he ass, and now nothing else about him or the context he did it in matters!" It's like no one wants to engage with his complexity, or stop and put some thought into his motivations and mindset before going "IT'S BAD WRITING BECAUSE I WANTED HIM TO BE A GOOD BOY AND HE'S A GOOD MORAL BOY IN MY HEAD AND THEY MADE HIM AN ASSHOLE >:(" Demetri can deeply love and fight for his platonic friends while treating the women he gets romantically involved with as interchangeable and unimportant. Both can be true. And if that makes you uncomfortable--GOOD! People are complicated, and characters that show that and force audiences to reckon with the multifaceted, messy, and often contradictory aspects of human nature are a positive thing. Especially in the age of purity culture writing characters off as The Epitome of Goodness or Pure Evil, I think approaching character analysis with nuance is more important than ever.

And finally...friends, I'm going to be so real with you for a second. I, the person behind this account, am a woman. I have dated and been in relationships with men. And frankly, it concerns me that it took cheating for a good chunk of this fandom to recognize Demetri is a shit boyfriend. And even now, with pretty infallible proof he's a bad boyfriend, I still see people in denial, saying "he wouldn't fucking do that to Yasmine! It was OOC! Why did they randomly have him decide to treat his girlfriend badly!" Ladies and gentlemen, have we been watching the same show??? He has never ever treated his girlfriend well, swinging back and forth between othering her as this larger-than-life Concept™️ and showing their relationship off like a prize. He uses her as a vessel to project what he wants onto and tell all his problems to. Just because Demetri isn't outright abusive and insulting Yasmine every 5 minutes doesn't mean he isn't toxic as hell. Their relationship has always been all about Demetri, and he only values Yasmine insofar as she can stroke his ego and fit the nebulous "dream girl" mold he's cooked up.

And I am pleading for women who like men to demand better than what Demetri Alexopoulos has to give. I mean, first of all, please get a better gaydar, because I have met an astounding number of irl gay men that remind me of that boy XD So if you meet a guy who's Demetri-coded to an above average degree...definitely double and triple-check he hasn't got you lined up to be his next beard before you get your heart broke ^^;

In all seriousness though, ladies. I know society is always telling us shit like "ohhhhh find a guy who's OBSESSED with you and WORSHIPS you and calls you a QUEEN!", but none of that means jack shit if a man doesn't want to actually learn anything about you and humanize you as more than an ideal. It's hard to be able to have good, thoughtful conversations with someone and be silly and goofy and relaxed and your most authentic self when you're constantly yelling down from the pedestal they put you on ^^; And please, for the love of god!!! I don't care HOW much you like a guy, you get the hell out of there if every single one of your conversations is about him. Romance is meant to be a partnership, not a girl erasing her entire personality and then some to cheer on a boy who does not even know where she's going to fucking college. Know your worth, seek better, demand better. Never settle for some dipshit who forgets about you every time you walk out the room because he called you "golden goddess."

Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk 🩵 TL;DR I fully support the Demetri cheating plot and hope it will eventually be the wake-up call people need to see this man was NEVER a good boyfriend to Yasmine Nolastname. I'm so happy she finally realized she deserves better than being some gayboy's beard cheerleader coolness trophy, and I wish her the best of luck in pursuing people who actually want to fuck women ♀️

[thebearer]

totally projecting here but carm with a younger reader in college who survives off ramen and anything easy (literally me rn 😭) and him making you eat actual meals

he hates cooking when he’s not doing it for work too, but he’ll always cook for you. and literally whatever you want. it could be gourmet over the top and he’d do it if it meant you’d eat a meal that wasn’t “garbage”.

“that’s not- that’s not even real ramen, baby. i’ll make you real ramen.”

“I like this though, carmen. it’s fine-“

“-no it’s not. just-just sit. let me cook.”

[yourlocaldisneyvillain]

could i interest you in an unhinged jan stevens fic? read at your own risk :)

[powdermelonkeg]

Every inch of that man is cast iron, teeth included

You ever think about how wild it is that Link's so strong that he throws swords hard enough to shatter on impact

Or how he can carry a half-meter cube of ice over his head

Because I do

[theplottdump]

ＳＩＤＥ ＰＬＯＴＴ - Ｇ Ａ Ｍ ＥＰＬＡＹ ＳＰＡ Ｍ - 𝙶𝚎𝚗 𝟼: 𝚆𝚑𝚊𝚝𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚛 𝙷𝚊𝚙𝚙𝚎𝚗𝚎𝚍 𝚝𝚘 𝙺𝚊𝚕𝚎 𝙿𝚕𝚘𝚝𝚝? -

One Cake Down, One to go.

What a good Dave.

Kale has pulled the tower card the last two days in a row. (Both normal and reversed) There's about to be some big changes in their life and only the cards seem to know how it all turns out.

Toni is THE CUTEST little romantically reserved bean. Her face is so wonderful and squingy.

Kyle: Alright- I've got another one. This one's a real dead ringer. Toni: Alright , shoot. Kyle: Hey, girl- are you undead? Cause you look like a total Zom-𝘽𝙖𝙗𝙚.

Toni: Okay, that one was way worse. Kyle: Alright then - You got something better?

Toni: I dunno - All these pick up lines are giving me serious brain rot.

Kyle: Hey that's pretty good! Wait where are you going? Toni: I got class. Some of us still have our brains.

It's time- Kale finished maxing their cooking skills, and this is not a drill.

Townie Dave: They're kind of amazing huh. Hinoki: If I have to look at another gourmet fruitcake I'm going to throw up.

And just like that it's done. Let's just hope it doesn't glitch out this time. 🤞🤞🤞

After Class, Toni autonomously sat down on the spawn point in the rain and started doing her homework.

Kyle: Does the rain help with the writing?

Toni: Poetry homework. The water drops makes it look like I was crying the whole time. And the professor eats it up every time.

Kyle: Alright then, let's hear it. Toni: What? Kyle: The poetry.

Toni: Oh it's garbage. Trust me. It's so much harder to write sad sappy couplets when you're a straight out of CAS romantically reserved dumpster fire.

Kyle: Ok what about this - 𝘍𝘢𝘪𝘳 𝘛𝘰𝘯𝘪, 𝘴𝘰 𝘴𝘬𝘪𝘭𝘭𝘧𝘶𝘭, 𝘣𝘰𝘥𝘢𝘤𝘪𝘰𝘶𝘴 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘧𝘪𝘯𝘦, 𝘞𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘭𝘦𝘵 𝘮𝘦 𝘬𝘪𝘴𝘴 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘪𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘳𝘢𝘪𝘯, 𝘉𝘦𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘦 𝘸𝘦 𝘳𝘶𝘯 𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘰𝘧 𝘴𝘤𝘳𝘦𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘪𝘮𝘦?

Toni: Fuck it, why not?

👉👈🧡

first | prev | next

[envysparkler]

Ted grinned as Grayson walked away, his shoulders hunched and his hands balled into fists.  He hadn’t bothered laying out the evidence or the proof—both were easy enough to find, connecting Grayson’s disappearances with Nightwing’s appearances was like playing a goddamn match-2 game.

And it was no wonder that Grayson had the highest close rate of the precinct when he could just go and get whatever evidence he wanted.  But Ted didn’t care about that.  Not anymore.

No, he didn’t care that Detective Richard Grayson was Nightwing.  He cared that Richard Grayson-Wayne was Nightwing.  Ted was about to become very rich—if Grayson did as he was told.

Ten million.  He would give Grayson two days to cough it up, or he’d go straight to Vicki Vale.  Or perhaps Arkham, he knew a couple of guards there and surely someone in those cells would pay handsome money to know who Nightwing was under the mask.

Hell, he could even do all three.  He held the cards here.

Ted smiled at Grayson’s pinched face.

Ted gave a parting smirk to Grayson as he left for his smoke break.  The man had begun ignoring him, as if that would make the deadline go away.  He had a little less than twenty hours.

Ted had gone ahead and got a visitor’s pass for Arkham for the day after tomorrow.  He’d worry about specifics after he knew whether or not Grayson would come through.

It was cold outside, late afternoon edging into evening.  He passed by a couple of other officers as he headed deeper into the alley.  He lit the cigarette and took the first puff dreaming about the island vacation he’d be taking.

First class.  Gourmet food.  Five star resort and margaritas on the beach.  Life was about to become much better.

A flicker of movement caught his eye and he turned, unhurried, as the garbage bag ruffled in the shadows, straightening.

Up.  And up.  And up.  Until it resolved itself into a slender figure dressed all in black and most definitely not a garbage bag.

Ted blinked.  The Bats usually only came out at night.  And that they rarely ever ventured into Bludhaven.

Oh, so Nightwing had decided to take a different option out of his little predicament.  It really was a shame—Ted might’ve even left him alone if he’d gotten the money.  Now?  Now it was fair game.  And everyone knew the Bats didn’t kill.

Ted turned away from the figure and back towards the front of the alley—he nearly jumped out of his skin when he saw a figure dressed in black and purple, dangling their legs off the fire escape, grinning down at him.

He picked up his pace a little bit—he’d get back to the precinct and make it very clear to Grayson that his mind games weren’t going to work.  The money, or the Joker was going to know exactly where to strike.

Someone stepped in front of the alley, blocking the entrance and Ted slowed his steps before coming to a stop.

Red helmet.  Red bat.  They didn’t know a whole lot about Gotham’s vigilantes, but the Red Hood was a sore topic for every gang in the city.

Ted slowly, quietly, moved his hand to his gun.

“I wouldn’t do that if I were you,” a voice said behind him, almost breathing on his ear, and Ted shrieked, drawing the gun and twisting around.

He was disarmed before he even knew what was happening, the gun yanked out of his fingers as he was shoved back, hard, sent stumbling back into the dumpster.  Above him, the girl in the black-and-purple suit giggled.

“Hood gets a bit testy about guns.”  A tall figure in black-and-red, removing the clip, the bullet and tossing each piece in a different direction.

“I don’t get testy,” the Hood rasped, low and rough, “If someone points a gun at me, it’s only fair that I get to point a gun right back.”

“We’re trying to get him to stop using guns so much,” the girl said, sotto voce.

Ted turned back to the mouth of the alleyway.  The Red Hood had a tire iron slung over one shoulder.

“What—what do you want?  My wallet?  My phone?  I—I didn’t do anything,” he raised his hands.  He would’ve backed away, but the figure in black was giving him the hives and he didn’t want to get any closer to them than necessary.

“Tt.  We all know that’s a lie.”

Ted literally did not see where Robin had come from.  He’d been staring as the Hood took slow steps forward, he’d blinked, and then suddenly there was a kid in green-and-yellow scowling in front of him.

A kid with a sword.

Ted immediately cast a glance skywards, because where Robin was Batman wasn’t far behind, before the strangeness of the situation settled into him.  He was being menaced by a bunch of idiots in masks, in an alley in broad daylight.

“Look, I don’t know what you want but I’m a cop, you can’t just—”

“You know exactly what we want,” the girl said, swinging her feet.  The all-black one took a single, menacing step forward.

“You messed with the wrong fucking Bat, asshole.”  Hood tilted his helmet to one side.

“If you even dare to touch him—” the katana flashed.  “I will remove your hands.”

“Look, Officer Devins,” the one in black-and-red said, “We’re willing to be reasonable.  Leave Dick Grayson alone, and nobody has to get hurt.”

Ted was itching to shoot one of them—now he understood why his friends in Gotham were so fed up with their vigilante problem.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he lied baldly, “I didn’t do anything to Grayson.  Can I go now?”

[growingstories]

Gabriel

Once upon a time, in a world filled with opulence and lavishness, there lived a young and handsome man named Gabriel. Blessed with chiseled features and a muscular physique, Gabriel embarked on an unexpected journey that would forever change his life.

It all started when Gabriel stumbled upon a job opportunity as a butler on a magnificent yacht owned by a wealthy family. The family was known for their generosity and impeccable treatment of their staff. They paid handsomely and even provided sumptuous staff dinners prepared by their personal chef.

Initially, Gabriel loved his new job. The family was kind and appreciative, and the yacht was a marvel to behold. However, as time went by, Gabriel's life took an unforeseen turn. Little by little, he began gaining weight each month. His once sculpted body transformed into a softer form, layers of fat replacing the strong muscles he once boasted.

The family, unaware of Gabriel's plight, continued their decadent lifestyle, indulging in exquisite meals prepared by their chef. And so, delicious leftovers from these extravagant feasts would often find their way to the staff members. Without hesitation, they began to use Gabriel as a living garbage bin, throwing their excess food his way.

As Gabriel's food intake increased, his motivation for workouts dwindled. Long hours and additional responsibilities left him with little time for exercise. His once active lifestyle gave way to a sedentary existence, and the pounds seemed to pile on effortlessly.

The observant staff soon noticed Gabriel's increasing food consumption and willingly contributed their leftovers to his ever-expanding belly. Gabriel became their safe haven for excess food, consuming it with gusto. His weight gain continued unabated, and his colleagues affectionately nicknamed him "Big Gabe."

Curiously, the head of the family took note of Gabriel's transformation. He realized that Gabriel's booming appetite and expanding waistline would effectively deter his daughters from flirting with the-m onceesmerizing butler. Delighted with this unforeseen outcome, the head of the family rewarded Gabriel with a pay raise and additional, responsibilities effectively reducing his free time even further.

Every harbor the dock yachted at, Gabriel's presence would be met with wider polo shirts and an even more immense belly. The once-thin butler had transformed into a portly gentleman, his rotund abdomen protruding proudly from his frame. And through it all, Gabriel reveled in his newfound life, embracing the good food, generous pay, and the beauty of the stunning destinations he visited.

In the end, Gabriel realized that his weight gain brought unexpected happiness and contentment. He found joy in indulging himself, savoring gourmet meals, and living a life of luxury that he had never imagined possible. His love for food grew hand in hand with his affection for his employers, as all the while, he never ceased to appreciate the family's kindness.

And so, Gabriel continued to enjoy his life on the yacht, cruising through serene waters and discovering beautiful places on Earth. His love for good food and the unwavering support of the family made Gabriel's journey a tale of unexpected transformation, proving that sometimes, the path to happiness can lead to unexpected destinations.

[kitty-is-writing]

writemas day 3!

for the third day of writemas, my muse has brought to me... a scene about the aftermath of punching a racist! enjoy!

thanks again to @agirlandherquill for this game :) you can find the day 3 prompts here if you want to join in

the prompt I picked was: His knuckles were bruised and bloody.

Alaric stared at his hand, barely seeing it through the fog of rage that still filled him. He only knew it was there because something hurt like hell, and Akemi was muttering darkly as she dabbed antiseptic wash over it.

"How many times did you hit that bastard?" she asked.

Alaric shrugged. "I lost count. Does it matter?" His knuckles were bruised and bloody. One finger was bent awkwardly, and the whole hand was starting to swell.

"Yes, idiot!" She yanked a roll of bandages out of the first aid kit and started wrapping it - not particularly gently - around his hand. "It matters because we're going to have to find a way to justify this in front of a whole lot of others who are firmly on that asshole's side! I'd ask what you were thinking, but you clearly weren't."

"So what, I was supposed to just sit there and let him spout off about how 'human filth should go home'? That's my mother they're insulting, I'm not letting that slide!"

"You think I don't understand? Look at me, Al. I'm human too, they're insulting me to my face every time I leave my own room." Akemi paused in tending his battered hand, meeting his eyes with her own tear-filled ones. "Believe me, I would have loved to smack some sense into them all a dozen times over, but actually doing it is just asking for a prison sentence. If Nightbreeze wasn't in power, if we had a fairer system... but we don't, and as punchable as those bastards are, we have to keep ourselves safe. Sometimes that means keeping your head down and ignoring the insults."

The fury seemed to evaporate from him in an instant. "I know you're right. They still get under my skin sometimes, and I hate that they can just spew out whatever garbage they like without any consequences now. I guess I just wanted to show him that it's still wrong to say that stuff, even if Breezy the Bastard says it's okay."

"I get it, and we will. Just not like this. Not by helping them prove they're right about 'half-breeds' being violent animals." They were quiet for a moment as Akemi finished bandaging him up. "You know, if you really want to get back at them in a way they can't do anything about for now, you could take me out to a fancy restaurant or something. I heard they already banned unaccompanied humans from the Golden Gourmet."

Alaric smiled despite the pall of gloom that had hung over them all since the election results were announced. "Is this your way of asking me on a date?"

"As friends, you incorrigible letch, though I shan't be correcting any of old Breezy's followers that make assumptions." She offered a small, sweet smile that made her cheeks dimple slightly. "Jonno should be back in a minute. You know he's going to be ecstatic over you beating that guy up, but don't let it go to your head."

As if her mention had summoned him, Jonno burst through the door a moment later. "Yo, the man of the hour! How's the hand, punchmeister?"

"Sore, but I bet his face feels worse," Alaric said with a tight grin. "Any word on what's happening next?"

"No worries, mate. The Dean's got involved, they're calling it a scuffle between two students and nothing to be concerned about. You've got a meeting with Rabb in the morning, but as long as you keep cool and explain what that fuckwit was saying, you're clear. Maybe have to work a few hours litter picking or something."

"And the bastard I punched out?"

"Was talking about going to Breezy's new police about it, but Rabb said if he tries to persecute other students any further his scholarship will be revoked. Guy's got another three years left, he ain't risking that."

"This is all well and good, but you can't just go around punching people, no matter how much they might deserve it," Akemi said. "We have to show that we're better than them, not sink to their level."

Jonno looked over at her, nodding thoughtfully. "You're right. Sometimes we should take the high road, be the bigger person, and all that. Sometimes that works. Other times, they see it as a weakness, as an admission that all we can do is talk, and we won't act on our principles. Sometimes we have to sink to their level, as you put it, because it's the only way to get through to them."

"Jon's got a point. In an ideal world, we could sit around and be all morally superior, and all the bigots and assholes would realise how awful they are, and come over to say they're sorry. It doesn't work like that outside of stories though, and at some point we've got to stand up and do something."

Akemi looked between them. "I guess I just don't want my friends to be in danger."

"We're already in danger by existing as ourselves in Breezy's country. He's not going to give us special exceptions for being obedient little humans and helping his lot oppress us." Jonno stepped over to give her a hug. "I know this sucks, I don't like having to do any of this, but he's going to come after us anyway. We can't sit back and wait for him."

tagging writer mutuals, if any of you want in!

@leahnardo-da-veggie @eli-t-spoon @charlesjosephwrites @theeccentricraven @rhiannonhgarrard

@calliecwrites @lexywrite @bloodmoonloveletter @mysticstarlightduck @kaylinalexanderbooks

@oh-no-another-idea @writer-ace @aquixoticwrites