#in case it needs clarifying this is not Demetri hate at all

[demetriandelibinaryboyfriends]

I was going through my blog for the past few months when SUDDENLY

Truly I love when one of my posts ages like fine wine. Gourmet cheese, even. I have never felt more validated in my entire life XD Literally the only thing that was possibly disproven here was that, as @baldwinboy5ive has pointed out, Yasmine never confirms she actually likes bleunamis and we can't say for sure that that wasn't just Demetri assuming she did ^^;

"Ohhhhh it makes no sense Demetri cheated on Yasmine! He's obsessed with her! He worships her! Like I don't even like the ship but this is how he acts in canon!" Besties how do I explain to you that Demetri is not obsessed with Yasmine, not even a little bit. He's not even obsessed with the idea of her, although he might have been at some point. He SAYS he's obsessed with Yasmine, and he clearly wants the people around him to THINK he's obsessed with Yasmine. But his actions do not remotely indicate that, and never have.

If Demetri was actually obsessed with Yasmine at any point, we would know such things as what her hobbies are, what her hopes and dreams in life are, where she wants to go to college, what kind of job she wants to have, which school subjects she's okay at and which ones she struggles with, or literally like. Anything else that makes her a person. We as the audience don't know any of these things because Demetri, who should know a good chunk of this information if not all of it, has never made a single mention of anything Yasmine-related beyond the most obvious and surface-level details.

Unfortunately, throughout S6, Demetri forgets Yasmine's existence every time she walks offscreen. And even when there would be a natural opportunity to bring her up, i.e. when the kids are talking about college, Demetri does not make a single peep about her or how she factors into his post-high-school plans. Even in S4 and S5, Demetri only brings up Yasmine's existence a couple of times (once when talking to Eli about how karate helped him land a hot girl, and once when trying to give Miguel relationship advice for his own girlfriend). Neither of these are Yasmine-specific--Demetri talks about her like she fills the "girlfriend" role in his life and has no importance in of herself. Eli should get back into karate because karate got Demetri a hot girlfriend! Demetri is justified in giving Miguel girl tips because he has a hot girlfriend! It could literally be anyone and the way Demetri treats her and talks about her wouldn't change.

Moreover, if Demetri was as obsessed with Yasmine as he claims, they would maybe have one (1) conversation that wasn't about Demetri and his shit. Their relationship is all about him, and Yasmine revolving herself around him and his needs. She cares about karate because of him! She cares about nerd shit because of him! He plans their dates and orders food he assumes she will like without her actually indicating she will! And when, pray tell, has Demetri ever embraced, asked about, or indicated even minimal knowledge of Yasmine's interests???

Not. One. Fucking. Time. He barely ever talks about her and we have no proof he knows anything about her. That is literally the farthest thing from obsession. I can tell you as an ex middle school girl who was not immune to intensive and all-consuming crushes, I could probably write biographies for all my objects of affection solely based off of info they had mentioned to me or things I found out secondhand. I retained all of it, and I fixated on it. I talked about their lives nonstop and bored the shit out of all my friends. THAT is obsession. THAT is worship.

"But he calls her queen! He calls her goddess!" These are...not uncommon pet names for people who are dating. And in any case, pet names do not mean shit. Guys will call girls "baby" or "sweetheart" or "honey" and then abuse them and treat them like garbage. If anything, lavish, extra-ass pet names like "my goddess" can actually be used as a subtle manipulation tactic. Because hey, if I'm calling you something that implies I kiss the ground you walk upon, then maybe you won't notice that I never ask a single question or remember a single thing of substance about you, right? If I TALK like you're my whole world and then some, then maybe you won't notice that I am meeting your emotional needs at all because I do not actually know or understand you at all!

Now, I don't think Demetri is truly so much of a piece of shit that he's manipulating Yasmine intentionally. I think the over-the-top pet names are just one more thing he's using to sell the image that he is a Totally Normal Guy Who Is Thrilled To Be With This Hot Girl and cover up the fact he is not actually into or interested in her at all. More on this later.

"But it's because Demetri and Yasmine barely get any screentime! Demetri hasn't brought up any details about Yasmine because it's not relevant to the story!" And let's stop to think about why that is, eh? Demetri doesn't consider his partner to be worth a mention or even a passing thought in regard to...literally everything else in his life. And in S3, S4, and S6, Demetri gets plenty of screentime to maybe like. Say one (1) substantial thing about Yasmine. And the crazy thing is that it could incorporate seamlessly into the "comic relief side guy" role they are often determined to keep Demetri in. Imagine Demetri yapping at karate practice about designer fashion or nail salons or something else Yasmine talks to him about, and Johnny overhears and is like "ha! I knew he was a weird sissyboy!"Only to find out he got into these things by proxy via his incredibly hot girlfriend. Like it would NOT be hard to use this relationship for one-off jokes that would be on-brand for this show's humor, and yet. They don't. Instead of seeming even mildly interested in his girlfriend's existence, the showrunners have Demetri make pop culture references and situational snarky comments.

Now, you're probably wondering why someone like Demetri, who usually unapologetically does what he wants and doesn't give a shit if people don't like it, would initiate and stay in a relationship that he does not actually want to be in. And the reason, to me, is simple: He wants to fit in.

Demetri, from the beginning, has struck me as someone who doesn't have much interest in girls and dating, but wants people to think he does to appear "normal." Admitting he doesn't care about something most teenage boys obsess over would instantly "other" him and make him an even bigger target for bullying, which we know he's been dealing with for some time. And then, when Miguel and Eli both show overt interest in girls and get girlfriends, the pressure only increases. At this point, he's already worried they're going to leave him behind because of karate. The last thing he needs is something to cement to the two best friends embracing traditional masculinity that he's some kind of abnormal freak, and something they need to shed so as not to ALSO be seen as freaks.

(The why of Demetri's disinterest in girls and dating is irrelevant here, but for what it's worth, I think the simplest and most straightforward answer is that he's closeted and gay. If you don't see that, however, it's also possible he's acearospec. OR he just...is not impressed by any of the people he meets as dating prospects and maybe wants to wait until college to find a more meaningful connection with someone than just "they're hot and we have spicy make-out sessions." But in the world of high school boys--especially the toxic masculinity-obsessed world of Cobra Kai--this is NOT something you can ever outright say if you want people to respect you.)

Flash forward to Demetri getting with Yasmine, and attaining the safely unattainable. What is he supposed to do here that won't expose the "otherness" he's been trying to hide all along? He still has no real interest in her--he never did, and now he has to worry that might become apparent. Even when he (presumably) gets to know her, it's clear he's not too engaged or captivated, considering how he never demonstrates knowing any more about her than he did in S1. And he can't break up with her, considering all the unwanted attention that would bring. Because WHY WHY WHY would he give up every sane, NORMAL guy's dream??? Demetri's life may be in a more stable place--Miguel and Eli are his best friends again and he has a wider friend circle on the whole--but for all he knows, the only reason he was able to achieve this kind of happiness was BECAUSE he conformed. He got a hot girlfriend--the apparent ULTIMATE mark of social status in this dudebro-run universe--and if he willingly gives that up, he could lose everything. If he admits he doesn't want a girlfriend just for "having a girlfriend's sake," maybe Miguel and Eli will reject him. Maybe the rest of his friends and support system will, too. After all, so many of the people in Demetri's network are in relationships--Sam, Miguel, Robby, Tory, Eli, Moon. Hell, even his senseis! Johnny is dating Carmen, and Daniel is happily married. Being single by choice would make Demetri the odd one out. And after the abandonment issues he developed in S2, no way in HELL is he doing anything to jeopardize his support network.

And that brings us to Barcelona. Demetri got a significant confidence boost from beating Eli in the flag fight, and is starting to realize that he's more desirable to girls than he thought. Maybe he doesn't have to settle for Yasmine as a cover-up if there are other girls out there who could fill that role. Because that is all it is--a role. We have every reason to believe Demetri doesn't value romantic entanglements with girls for their own sake; to him, they're just a tool for showing off his coolness via "look! I get bitches!" as well as a means of fitting in with his peers.

So here comes Maria, offering Demetri a chance to show off just how cool and baller he is to his peers via giving him the ultimate thing men should strive for in this universe--girl attention. Demetri doesn't need Yasmine anymore. She's thousands of miles away, and there's a girl right in front of him who will help him project the image he wants. Why should he be concerned with a girl he only ever pretended to like to maintain appearances? Hell, maybe there's even some resentment there, if Demetri legitimately felt like he couldn't break up with Yasmine without subjecting himself to social scrutiny.

Add this to Demetri's falling out with Eli, and it gives him even more motivation to dance with Maria. Note how Eli is the one initially checking out Maria--enough so that Demetri slaps him like "you have a girlfriend!" And when Maria comes over, Eli feels like he has to say no out of principle. Demetri sees an opportunity to get under Eli's skin via dancing with a girl he's attracted to, and hey--it works, doesn't it?

Worth noting that Eli is ALSO a pretty shit boyfriend who knows basically nothing about Moon, but unlike Demetri, he has a more clear-cut feeling of "I shouldn't do this because it would be wrong." Demetri, meanwhile, is either so numbed out from the guilt of using Yasmine for his image that he wouldn't have any left to feel for cheating OR he knew what he was doing from the jump, in which case...why the hell would he feel even an iota of guilt for cheating, or hesitance to do so?

I suspect it's the former, since Demetri isn't like...a sociopath. But I do think he has been using Yasmine for quite some time now, whether he actively feels bad about it or not. And that's so clearly and obviously wrong that, in Demetri's mind, it dwarfs any "wrongness" of dancing with someone else when you're technically in a relationship. So might as well have some fun and make Eli mad, right?

"But you're biased because you ship Eli and Demetri!" Bizarrely enough, a lot of the complaints about the cheating plotline are coming from...other Elimetri shippers. At first I thought it was kind of funny (like...can't we just take the win and be happy, guys? Can't we celebrate the fact we've been saying Demetri doesn't give a rat's ass about his performative het relationship, and we were proven correct?), but now it's starting to get on my nerves. I feel like a lot of people in this fandom like Demetri not for what he is, but this like...kooky goofy funny wholesome comic relief guy they've built up in their head. Or people SAY they love his Villain Arc and want him to be a horrible cunt in Part 2, and then they flip tf out and claim he's OOC when he actually DOES do morally questionable things. The Demetri fandom apparently can't handle him being flawed if it's not in like...a safe and sanitized way where he doesn't act like thaaaaaaaat much of a jerk.

And what's even MORE frustrating is the way people are spazzing out over Demetri being flawed in a way that is VERY MUCH supported by what we have seen of his character for the rest of the show. Yes, he WOULD cheat, actually! Yes, it DOES make sense for him to cheat on a woman with another woman as a closeted gay boy (or something else significantly outside the cishet norm)--he has no real investment in his romantic relationships with women! the people around him seem to indicate that "getting chicks" is the ultimate mark of prowess, badassery, and success. Demetri figures "Hey, as long as I'm doing that, it doesn't matter who the fuck the chicks actually are. I just need to meet my Normal Heterosexual Quota before I go do something I actually give a shit about, like playing Dungeon Lord."

All this can be true, by the way, without Demetri being an absolute steaming shitpile of a person. We KNOW he has redeeming traits! He's incredibly loyal to and protective of his friends, and has been especially ride-or-die for Miguel, Eli, and Sam. He loves playing the entertainer, and he clearly eats it up whenever he makes Eli or one of his other friends laugh. He's sweet and loving with his female friends like Moon and Sam (which makes it all the more apparent to me that he...doesn't really care about Yasmine tbh. He has far healthier relationships with his platonic friends than his own partner!). He found it in him to forgive his best friend for some truly heinous shit, and probably would have been content for it all to be water under the bridge if not for the college debacle. Demetri is not unilaterally a bad person because he caved to the pressure to have a girlfriend and then...dealt with it poorly when he realized he didn't actually want her. His flaws and shortcomings are what make him interesting!

So often people see him in this really black and white way that really does his character a disservice. It's always "my Demetri is the bestest kindest gentlest most caring boy in the world and would NEVER cheat!" or "Demetri is absolute TRASH because he cheated on his girlfriend even though Miguel did too and we forgave he ass, and now nothing else about him or the context he did it in matters!" It's like no one wants to engage with his complexity, or stop and put some thought into his motivations and mindset before going "IT'S BAD WRITING BECAUSE I WANTED HIM TO BE A GOOD BOY AND HE'S A GOOD MORAL BOY IN MY HEAD AND THEY MADE HIM AN ASSHOLE >:(" Demetri can deeply love and fight for his platonic friends while treating the women he gets romantically involved with as interchangeable and unimportant. Both can be true. And if that makes you uncomfortable--GOOD! People are complicated, and characters that show that and force audiences to reckon with the multifaceted, messy, and often contradictory aspects of human nature are a positive thing. Especially in the age of purity culture writing characters off as The Epitome of Goodness or Pure Evil, I think approaching character analysis with nuance is more important than ever.

And finally...friends, I'm going to be so real with you for a second. I, the person behind this account, am a woman. I have dated and been in relationships with men. And frankly, it concerns me that it took cheating for a good chunk of this fandom to recognize Demetri is a shit boyfriend. And even now, with pretty infallible proof he's a bad boyfriend, I still see people in denial, saying "he wouldn't fucking do that to Yasmine! It was OOC! Why did they randomly have him decide to treat his girlfriend badly!" Ladies and gentlemen, have we been watching the same show??? He has never ever treated his girlfriend well, swinging back and forth between othering her as this larger-than-life Concept™️ and showing their relationship off like a prize. He uses her as a vessel to project what he wants onto and tell all his problems to. Just because Demetri isn't outright abusive and insulting Yasmine every 5 minutes doesn't mean he isn't toxic as hell. Their relationship has always been all about Demetri, and he only values Yasmine insofar as she can stroke his ego and fit the nebulous "dream girl" mold he's cooked up.

And I am pleading for women who like men to demand better than what Demetri Alexopoulos has to give. I mean, first of all, please get a better gaydar, because I have met an astounding number of irl gay men that remind me of that boy XD So if you meet a guy who's Demetri-coded to an above average degree...definitely double and triple-check he hasn't got you lined up to be his next beard before you get your heart broke ^^;

In all seriousness though, ladies. I know society is always telling us shit like "ohhhhh find a guy who's OBSESSED with you and WORSHIPS you and calls you a QUEEN!", but none of that means jack shit if a man doesn't want to actually learn anything about you and humanize you as more than an ideal. It's hard to be able to have good, thoughtful conversations with someone and be silly and goofy and relaxed and your most authentic self when you're constantly yelling down from the pedestal they put you on ^^; And please, for the love of god!!! I don't care HOW much you like a guy, you get the hell out of there if every single one of your conversations is about him. Romance is meant to be a partnership, not a girl erasing her entire personality and then some to cheer on a boy who does not even know where she's going to fucking college. Know your worth, seek better, demand better. Never settle for some dipshit who forgets about you every time you walk out the room because he called you "golden goddess."

Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk 🩵 TL;DR I fully support the Demetri cheating plot and hope it will eventually be the wake-up call people need to see this man was NEVER a good boyfriend to Yasmine Nolastname. I'm so happy she finally realized she deserves better than being some gayboy's beard cheerleader coolness trophy, and I wish her the best of luck in pursuing people who actually want to fuck women ♀️