#gotta think up a funny new queue tag

[ledahrozwelli]

i think... this acc is finally ret2go ദ്ദി^._.^)

time to queue up a bunch of posts bc i liked way more than i meant to while getting it set up lmfao

[kyri45]

Time for Lmk Q&A post ??

it is!

✨ShadowPeach Bio Parents Bio AU Q&A! 15/12✨

Welcome to the Q&A! A space where I can answer related or similar question about the Shadowpeach Bio Parents AU! If you submitted your ask anonimously, then you’ll have to check the whole post if it’s answered here, if it’s not, worry not! Your asks might have been used for a future comic or just in the queue~

Anonimo ha chiesto: I gotta know. How many times were you tagged during that take over? x'D

I THINK around 700. I didn't count but there were more than 850 posts that day.

@pines-thoughts ha chiesto: (bio parents au) do you think shadowpeach is gonna have to go through the courtnapping again since they broke up (rip mac)? My bets are on wukong doing it this time Anyway, love your art!!

Ahaha I guess WUkong wouldn't let the opportunity to revenge himself for when Macaque courtnapped him.

Anonimo ha chiesto: WAI-!! If heaven is afraid of mk and his powers he has from the gay monkeys...THEN!! Damn how will they react if spicynoodles HAVE A KID!!!! Like broooo all mk's powers AND red son's!!!!

I think we said at one point that Kai (from Ninjago) could theoretically be a spicynoodle fanchild and I stand with this even though it wouldn t make sense since Kai already have a set of parents but IT'S MY AU AND I GET TO BREAK CANON FOR MY CONVENIENCE.

@pan999flo ha chiesto: Three questions! 1: Since when did you knew Lmk etc? 2: Would you ever draw the Brotherhood in the future?( Like Azure,Peng and Yellowtasks) 3: Why are you so lovely? (I heard that many artists's arts remind of their artists) Thx for your time 😍

SInce uhhhh this July.

Eh, maybe.

aawww I'm not so lovely honestly I look like a mess (as most artist do) but all my friends tell me that my cheeks are really soft and squishable so maybe that was translated in my artstyle, who knows.

@bookworm-octavia ha chiesto: I have a question! Did/do you plan out how the Shadowpeach bio parents au comic goes or do you just wing it ? (Sry if already asked)

I've know how everything will happen/how it would end since this July/august.

Anonimo ha chiesto: Hi! I was wondering if I could make an animatic where MK meets my OC. (With credit to you ofc)

Sure?? I don't own the MK character so you're free to do as you please.

@inkycarrot ha chiesto: Hey! I’m like super new to Tumblr and I was wondering what canvas size do you use for your comic panels? And do you resize em at all? (Like a file crunch)

1600x2100 more or less. no I don't resize them I don't have the patience ahah.

@nanomarion ha chiesto: why does monkey MK look so damn cute in your style?!

because he IS cute by default.

@ketho484 ha chiesto: LMK bio parents question: What personality differences are there in Rumble and Savage?

mmmm I would guess that Rumble is a little bit more mischevious and Savage is slightly more physical when it comes to messing around.

@buxiee ha chiesto: do you have any hc about Macaque singing or smth similar? 'cus i totally can imagine him singing lullabies to MK and Wukong...

yes macaque is 100% a singer

@zeetheartist0-0 ha chiesto: What got you to do the bio parents au?

Monkey MK

@vanilla41718 ha chiesto: I wonder what the gangs reaction to MK and red son dating gonna be ?

probably something along "it was about time" ahah

@astro-lmk-enjoyer ha chiesto: Since both Macaque and MK are technically dead, neither of their body’s work right all the time. These apply to both of them: • There are the small things like being cold all the time, some times to the point of blue lips etc… • And bigger things like they will forget to breath at times and only realise when they go to speak and it’s like ‘Hello?? No oxygen? CAN’T SPEAK???’ • And other big things like MK/Macaque’s heart just stoping while they sleep causing everyone to freak out when it happened for the first time, but don’t worry! It usually starts again after half an hour of being awake, usually. Idk, just a funny little headcanon of mine <3

ahah my poor baby is traumatised (I'm sad)

Anonimo ha chiesto: will red son ever stop having his hair go flaming when MK kisses him? No? Good.

no.

Anonimo ha chiesto: Would Mk find Red boi try to do pickup lines or are both of them too much dorks?

yes they would, and be terrible about it. (they love each other so much that they just don't care though)

Anonimo ha chiesto: bro, you made so many pages of the comic, it's both cool and bad!!! I'm translating your comic into Russian and haven't even translated half of it!! I'm only on page 70!!!😭

ahaha good luck!

@keyblademastermonkiegirl ha chiesto: Hey! Just wanted to ask! When MK was changed into a baby monkey (so cute!!!!!!) How did everyone else react? Like Mei and Red Son? And then, did anyone tell Pigsy and Tang?

When it happened only Mei knew.

@grubbzygo0p ha chiesto: IF THROWN how far would MK go before caught by A: Mamacauqe B: Baba Wukong C: Pigsy D: his wife (Red Son)

I would say Macaque, because teleportation. BUT then again I bet Red Son would beat everyone, scream "MINE" and teleport away.

Anonimo ha chiesto: WAIT... MK was kidnapped in his sleep but it looks like he got his normal clothes on while kissing Red... what happened?

he was wearing his normal clothes when he got to sleep (exept his bandana)

Anonimo ha chiesto: Y did Red B look kind of angry when the spicy noodles kiss?

because he was irritated that the first "kiss" lasted so little.

@anxiescape ha chiesto: Okay so first off, hi! I love your art!! It's so beautiful!!! ✨(And you're also super cool!!! (And you also got me into Sky COTL how dare D:)) Secondly, I have a question about your Shadowpeach Bio Parents AU. Specifically, MK's staff... What happens if he loses one of the cuffs? Is he still able to form the staff, or is he just out of luck?

mmm yes he can still summon it, it's just- half as powerful and it's really really hard to keep it in a physical form.

@arrow-shotz ha chiesto: I just wanna say love your art and the ShadowPeach comic! but a random thought popped in my head even tho we are past point lol With Mk's staff, if it were to break in half or shatter- would it return back as brackets on Mk or would it be able to morph back because of the shadow magic Mk now has?

The shadow part can't be broken, it can be splitted yes but it would just reform a little later.

Anonimo ha chiesto: *raises hand* question, how did sun Wukong felt when macaque courtnapped him, (when mk and macaque talk about how mk wants to “kidnap” redson) like did he felt flustered or something and how heavy is sun Wukong because I can pick him up because he is very much short and I also want to hug him…..so can I carry and hug him please🥺🙏

Wukong:*head in hands covering the face* (omfg i can't believe this is happening. I'm being put down by TICKLES*)

Anonimo ha chiesto: Ok so my question is what are you gonna do after season 6 of lmk comes out like how will you progress the story?

when is S6 even coming out? Like I think the Au will be almost done before that happens ahaha.

Anonimo ha chiesto: I have a question: please correct me if I am wrong about anything: If Monkey King and mk were born female, does that mean that they can still use their reproductive organs and can get pregnant or is there something i missed about it?

If MK and Monkey King are fertile to begin with, yes, i think, by someone who isn't a stone monkey though.

@galaxy-rose99 ha chiesto: I get the feeling that after the whole 'Heaven Kidnapping MK' ordeal. Spicynoodles will end up going through a mushy/gushy stage of their relationship. Throughout the whole thing many of the characters will: 1. Gawk. 😶 2. Squeal. 😍 3. Cringe. 😫 Only for Shadowpeach to be reminded that they did a very similar thing in the past.

yesss the honeymoon phase!!!!

Anonimo ha chiesto: Every time I go back to look at the Spicynoodles kisses (Which has been several times a day) I think about how one day MK is gonna grab those horns mid kiss.

omg it's true. I bet Red Son has been dreaming of catching his tail-*gunshot*

@healingwordswriter ha chiesto: Hiiii so I’m back asking here So seeing how the bio dad’s AU has some inspo in Taylor’s songs and I have seen mentions of the TTPD songs in previous comments and as a fellow swiftie I just have to say this. I’m not a spicy noodles fan but! reading on how Wukong at first wouldn’t accept MK’s and Red Son’s relationship all I could think of was the song “But Daddy I love him” Like just MK just having his first fight with his baba because he wants to be with red son even if he doesn’t like it because that’s HIS man. And screaming the famous “But daddy I love him!” And Wukong just having to accept the relationship for his son’s happiness. Without mentioning is funny to imagine MK’s parents except Macaque trying to talk him out the relationship for his “sake” but MK won’t “come into his senses” Because Red Son may be crazy but he is the one he wants AND he rather burn his whole life down rather than keeping hearing his parents bitching and moaning over this. (Who understood the references understood) But in the end I know they would support MK’s decision to date Red Son as they want him to have his happy ending. Still this is funny to imagine.

ahah I personally alwasy imagine Red SOn against DBK with that son. But alas in the AU the bull family isn't against them since they know MK is one of the strongest demon (and it makes their son happy so)

And also Wukong, while he isn't the happiest about the situation, he know he would be an hypocrite if he wouldn't allow his son to now be with someone who he once was his enemy.

[guzhufuren]

hello hello not expecting u to 100% tell but also w he re do u find incorrect/text posts for ur meme gifs they are always so funny and on point(+if its by pinterest what do u even look it up as??) do have a good day week and job ur v funny and cool<33

hi darling!! thank you so much 🥺 my poor heart almost gave out on these compliments! yeah, it's no trouble, i can tell you how i find them!! basically i'm a professional tumblr diver but i'm gonna explain techniques in a more detailed way

technique 1. gold miners

you see a cool fun text post on your dash that has less than 5000 notes; you go in the tags and scroll to the very beginning of reblog chains; there you will find the people who somehow always find the best freshly birthed text posts; choose the people who tagged it as some variation of "#text post", "#txt" or they tagged it as "#x-character-core/coded" or even better, they tagged it as their oc - go to their blog and look through that tag, usually you will find a treasure mine of text posts; if all the posts you immediately see are well known and you saw them all over your dash already, then go back and start diving on the next person's blog through the tags and keep doing it until you are out of tagger rebloggers; when you find good text posts you gotta screenshot them (try to think ahead - maybe there is a show coming out in the near future that will fit this text post)

visual example: i always have various non-popular text posts in my queue that i will dive in later when i have the time. like these

technique 2. oc and character tags again

you find a post that perfectly fits your blorbos but it has much more than 5000 notes so it's impossible to check all the rebloggers - that's fine, once again go in the notes for blog diving; start from the top and find specifically someone who tagged this post as their oc or their favourite character - that's your new source; go through the tag and it will certainly have text posts/tweets that fit your blorbo as well

visual example: i found this post for Pete and his poor burnt balls, one day i'm gonna go through it to see other people's blorbos who have suffered in a similar way, and i'm sure there will be lots of petecore stuff on their blogs

technique 3. porn blogs are your best friend when it comes to mature tv shows

find one, just one, good funny very sexual text post and go in the tags for to see which mature bloggers reblogged it using a tagging system; it can be them categorising it as "#text post" or similar, it can be them sorting posts by kink so pay attention to tags like "#petplay" "#collars" and etc, you will be able to find lots of funny sexy posts the deeper you search through their tags

visual example: see, this post has only 1500 notes, so when i will go in the tags of it i will find approximately 10-15 people who tagged it well enough for me to scroll through their tagged reblogs and find other good stuff

technique 4. when you are done with any of techniques explained above, choose best blogs to follow

while you dive in random tumblr users' blogs you will for sure stumble upon blogs that reblog amazing rare text posts; follow them and see what other gems they can bring to your dash in the future

other tips for people who make text post memes

- THE MOST IMPORTANT ONE! make sure the text screenshot that you placed on a picture/gif is large enough to be readable both on mobile and on web. check it on every gadget. i have really bad vision and squinting my eyes at the phone makes my head hurt, so i never look at memes that i can't read right away without zooming in. make them easily readable!!

- choose one style of screenshots of the text posts. it can be web screenshots, it can be mobile browser tumblr screenshots, if can be tumblr app screenshots. choose one and stick to it always, it will make your memes look neat. i always make screenshots of text posts on the tumblr app, then i put them all on a 750 pixel wide canvas, scale them down to 360 pixel width and copy paste them to 540 pixel wide pictures of blorbos. so we get something like this:

have fun, please write me again if anything i explained is confusing, i'm not great with words <333

[catcrumb]

How do you stay motivated to do dailies? I really admire your dedication to these funky fresh cats. I've tried doing my own dailies (drawing, writing etc), but always lose steam about a week in. Was there a point when it became second nature, and just fit really easily into your routine? Or is it always going to be a bit of an uphill battle?

my big rule is that it doesn't have to be "good." that was the first and still the most important rule. some days i have the willpower to get out my tablet! some days i have my mouse! and some days i just wiggle my finger in the shape of a cat on my laptop's trackpad, slap some random thought i had onto it, and hit that post button. doesn't have to be perfect. doesn't have to be a work of art. could look like complete shit. just has to be a cat.

like this guy? very low effort! i had a headache that evening after doing a bunch of things i needed to do, and was like "ah fuck i still gotta do today's catcrumb". this took me thirty seconds. but that was that day.

something that has also helped me a lot is making my rule "one per day", not "once per day". after drawing the one i posted tonight, i drew two more doodles that are gonna be tomorrow's and the day after that's catcrumbs. so i don't have to draw for the next day and a half! the queue function is one of the big reasons i really enjoy tumblr as a platform. (the queue, tags as undervoice, tags for archival purposes, easy chronological and sortable archive/portfolio, and the anonymity. not to mention the vibes. also ive been here for over a decade and can't leave)

also, i use mspaint because it has a limited toolset, so it's just less overwhelming and not as daunting as the beefier art program i have for other art. if i had to open up clip studio paint every day....... i would not have lasted two years lmao.

and tbh the limited toolset has made me feel freer to try new things! like with color! when i was drawing mostly in Digital Art Programs and the edges of school papers i rarely ever got to coloring because i would spend so long on the lines. but with mspaint i draw with the pixel-pencil so it's easier to use the fill tool. this is one of my first little "landscapes" :) i drew it in february 2020. i still think about it a lot!

(also, i've found that the landscapes, which i spend more time and effort on, get less of a response than the scribbly ones. which i'm not bothered by, because 1. it makes me feel less pressured to do the big labors of love 2. it makes me feel unashamed when i only have energy for a quick scribble 3. my loved ones adore my little landscapes, and that's more important to me than Number Goes Up. but also it's fun to see the number go up in response to my scribble. it's a win/win.)

and finally there's accountability. i have a very firm rule with myself that i draw for ME, and my followers are a side effect/bonus of me posting it publicly. i do not create for an audience. to quote:

The difference between an inner-directed process of discovery and a kind of outer-directed pseudo-creativity that in its pursuit of attention gets overwhelmed by desperation.

but that doesn't mean that attention doesn't matter to me. i would not have gotten as far as i did if i hadn't shown my art to my friends/mutuals and gotten very sweet responses from them. that was what made catcrumb happen: the people who i know, am close to, and whose kindness is personal to me. i adore and appreciate the kindness of strangers! but it has to come in second to the kindness of friends, because otherwise you will go crazy. i'm pretty lucky that i have the sort of homebody personality that has little interest in strangers, which helps my brain not get rotted by clout.

so i showed my art to my friends, i got encouragement, they thought i was funny, i kept going, because i liked amusing myself and my friends with my little drawings. and then the snowball went further down the hill, etc etc. nowadays my main motivator is that i told my mom about catcrumb and she would definitely say something if i didn't post. sometimes just knowing that someone would notice is enough.

i hope this is useful. i am a person with a couple of brain problems that have made me debilitatingly incapable of forming and maintaining habits my entire life, so i'm honestly shocked that ive managed to keep a daily habit going for two years! ive never managed anything like that before! maybe because it doesn't Matter. i don't do catcrumb for money - ive thought about a patreon, but i couldn't do it. my executive dysfunction is too powerful, and catcrumb has always been about being the teeniest task to execute.

and it makes me smile. i like drawing little cats sitting around smiling or yelling or holding an object. :~)

tl;dr keep the bar as close to the ground as you possibly can

[appelscruff]

I was tagged by @lovely-menza to answer twenty questions :)) thank you friend! <3 let’s go

1. Why did you choose your url?

I had just learnt the word and thought it sounded funny. It’s George Harrison’s word to describe hardcore beatles fans outside the Apple studio <3 that me

2. Any side blogs? if you have them, name them and why you have them.

I will not list all my silly sideblogs (tumblr’s shiny “create new blog” button + adhd = new sideblog every fortnight), but my main is @deadmensdynasty

3. How long have you been on tumblr?

ten slutty slutty years

4. Do you have a queue tag?

I put everything in my queue, so that would be nonsensical

5. Why did you start your blog in the first place?

@adammlligan forced me to, and then i found out there were lots of keith moon pictures on here! sold.

6. Why did you choose your icon/pfp?

It cracks me up. Jake Gyllenhaal ftw, he looks so happy

7. Why did you choose your header?

I think because it has books and plants and sunlight, which are all the good things in life.

8. What’s your post with the most notes?

On this blog i receive about one note a week. On my main it’s the stupidest things I threw together in a second that got the most notes. the fuck is that about

9. How many mutuals do you have?

Omg i don’t even know. Tbh I don’t understand the deal around being mutual. I don’t want anyone to be forced to follow anyone out of some weird social obligation. This is a hellhole without rules, let me be.

10. How many followers do you have?

108, or 23 if you exclude the blocked bots. On my main I think almost all my followers are inactive. What good are 650 followers if none of them interact :(

11. How many people do you follow?

490 blogs, but again, I think a lot of them are inactive.

12. Have you ever made a shitpost?

Never! Quality content only!

13. How often do you use tumblr each day?

I don’t think this is something I should let the world know. But it got way more during lockdown and since my return from the hospital. I was/am so damn tired all the time i can’t do anything but just sit. Now it’s slightly less, but still... let’s just say: a lot.

14. Did you ever have a fight/argument with another blog once? who won?

I think I had one (1) discussion years and years ago about wearing bandshirts when you’re not a fan of the band. That’s the hill I want to die on.

15. How do you feel about “you need to reblog this” posts?

Hate them with a passion. No one has authority over anyone. I don’t need to do anything, there’s always the sweet release of death to fall back on. Just live your life the way you want to and leave everyone else alone.

16. Do you like tag games?

17. Do you like ask games?

Definitely, although some I don’t know how to do because they involve super complex things like colouring in pictures.

idk what’s happened to me, i used to make gifsets.

heck yes, although some have been around for years and I get bored of them, and I always talk too much

18. Which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous?

get out of here!! we don’t care about that around these parts

19. Do you have a crush on a mutual?

There have been mutuals I crushed on (and with good reason i gotta add) but that’s all in the distant past.

20. Tags

I don’t know if anyone actually wants to do this, but to be polite I am tagging you anyway:

@adammlligan @literarydoodlekid @biginnyweasley @overwrought-ideas @king-drarry-perfection @be-a-ghost @melody-the-village-idiot @allthingsmustgeorge @bakuraisabitch

[neverheardnothing]

thanks for the tag @willroland :)

why did you choose your url?

well i grew up on the internet in the early 2010s so i was obsessed with starkid which lead to musical theater in general which lead to dear evan hansen which lead to will roland which lead to be more chill which lead to joe iconis and that hasn’t lead anywhere else because i’m so far up this man’s ass he could tell me to jump and i’d give him 5 million dollars for a bloodsong of love revival. anyway. funny enough it was because i was so up will roland’s ass that i gave joe iconis’ music outside of bmc a chance (back when he tweeted out a thread of joe iconis songs the night before the tonys). and he was right. he has taste even if all i see from him nowadays is globe twitter. anyway. never heard nothing (along with the bar song, try again, and last on land) is the quintessential joe iconis song in my humble opinion. but also my opinion is backed up by joe so. i’ll just let him say it.

here’s a link to the song. listen to it if you have any interest in joe iconis and his work.

any side blogs? if you have them, name them and why you have them

yeah this is actually a sideblog. my main is @cockbiteproductions which is personal + rooster teeth. every day i want to throw rocks at mcyt fans but i myself am a rooster teeth fan and so my house is very glass and breakable. and then there’s marvel @sebastianskywalker (can you guess who was excited by the idea of sebastain stan playing young luke? lol). star trek @jimtiberivskirk. star wars @fulcrumahsoka. anime @kvchiki. and that’s the important ones. i use this one and my main the most though. which is already almost not at all these days.

how long have you been on tumblr?

hahahahahaha. 2012. fuck.

do you have a queue tag?

yeah it’s “swiss fucking queue” which is from when michael jones says “swiss fucking cheese goddammit” in his impossible game rage quit. everyone on my main gets it but i hope anyone who sees it on my sideblogs gets confused because it’s the same queue tag across all my blogs.

why did you start your blog in the first place?

i was about to say “well my first blog was fandom” and then i realized that applies to literally all of them. so yeah. fandom. i generally make a sideblog when i want to make new fandom friends because none of my current friends are into the thing i am into. it works well.

why did you choose your icon/pfp?

will roland. because will roland. when my bio said “joe iconis and will roland” it wasn’t lying. but anyway i like projecting on characters wrol plays.

why did you choose your header?

it’s off this set lol. same photoshoot as the one from my icon.

what’s your post with the most notes?

lol it’s this shit gifset i made of nik dodani as jared in the deh movie trailer. he actually reposted a video of him scrolling through it on his insta story. which is unfortunate because it looks like shit. i usually have flux on while using any device and i turned it off while making this but i guess my brain is just fucked about it now because it’s 1. way not bright enough 2. way too yellow. ugly as shit.

how many followers do you have?

on this blog? uh i think getting close to 400 idk tho. idc. i just come here to scream about musical theater i rarely care about clout.

how many people do you follow?

idk around 750. a girls gotta sustain like 5 different blogs. that + never using tumblr anymore means i never see what anyone posts ever unless i go to their blog directly lol.

have you made a shitpost?

this blog is 1/3 shitpost 1/3 rando reblogs 1/3 ranting about joe iconis shit no one else cares about

how do you feel about ‘you need to reblog this’ post?

im spiteful so it’s an immediate no reblog from me. but i also dont really blog about social justice or anything much anymore. so unless a post has drastically altered how i think about a topic for the better i dont reblog it.

do you like tag games?

yeah! they’re fun. i’ll take any opportunity to talk about myself. + i generally learn something about the person who tagged me.

do you like ask games?

yeah! i get too anxious about reblogging them though lol i dont want people to think i want attention even though im an evil little attention whore.

which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous?

famous? on this sideblog? no one lol. not necessarily famous but @nothingunrealistic is probably one of the people that has the most longevity in the deh fandom on here so they have a decent amount of followers from that i assume. @unproduciblesmackdown and @kkamikazed also draw good fucking art so they get clout like that lol. i think @annabelle--cane is also like. decently large? idk. no one in this tiny niche subsection of musical theater tumblr is really tumblr famous though. that’d be a nightmare lol. wait there might be one person i think that’s a sideblog but i can’t remember who lol.

do you have a crush on a mutual?

thank fucking god no. could you imagine?

well i already mentioned @nothingunrealistic​ @unproduciblesmackdown @kkamikazed and @annabelle--cane earlier so i guess them. only if yall wanna tho. also @talkfine​ @rovermcfly​ if yall wanna do this. and anyone who wants to talk about themself go for it.

[chuckbass-love]

hi love! can I request a Bucky Barnes x trans!female reader fic? Reader has had a lot of bad experience with guys in terms of dating and so when Bucky decides to boldly and honestly flirt with her at a stark party, reader is surprised and shocked that someone *actually* likes her. Bucky finds this appalling and takes her out on a fun date. thank you!!

Hi love, thank you so much for the request! I’ve got the other two from you and the ideas in my head right now.. i feel like i’m about to explode! 

I was going to upload this tomorrow but tbh, i’m too excited about it so imma give it to you now, the other two will be uploaded between now and Thursday.

Disclaimer: My work is not to be posted anywhere else other than MY Tumblr, Wattpad and Ao3 without my permission. However, reblogs are welcome.

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Trans!Female Reader 

Warnings: Fluff overload 

Word Count: 1,504

GIF NOT MINE!!! Credit to @sunoficarus go check them out 💙

I Like You

You don’t know why you even bothered coming here in the first place, but yet here you are. 

One of many parties thrown by Tony Stark who by the way dragged you here. 

You make sure to greet everyone that you know, sending soft and welcome smiles to those you don’t before you make your way over to the bar and sit down. 

You order a porn star martini and tap your heel on the side of the stool, glancing around the room to see what everyone is up to.

That’s when a soothing voice breaks you from your daze, causing you to jolt slightly.

“Sorry i didn’t mean to scare you” you turn your head to find him sitting next to you... Bucky Barnes.

You know of him, seen him around at other events but you’ve never spoken to him. He’s a friend of Steve’s but you and Steve aren’t all that close so he never introduced you to him.

“It’s fine, my own fault for daydreaming i guess” you giggle nervously. 

He’s hot, of course he is but he’d never like you back. A girl can fantasise though, right?

You’ve never really had a proper relationship, or at least one that counted. Sure you’ve dated but it never ended well. The guys were all jerks and you began to give up hope of a guy actually ever treating you right.

The last one lasted a good 4 months, he was nice enough for a while and then bam, he cheated. 

Tony has tried to set you up a couple times, so have Natasha and Wanda but it’s not your style, being set up that is.

You’re picky and prefer to scout the guys out yourself rather than have someone do it for you and besides, you’re enjoying the single life right now. Being alone and having time to yourself to focus on work and building your confidence up. 

“So, i’ve seen you around a lot, you know at these parties” he speaks up, you sip at your drink.

“Yeah, i’ve seen you too. You’re Steve’s friend right?” he nods, you do too. 

“I gotta say though, i’ve been meaning to talk to you for a while tonight. I just, every time i tried to, i got too nervous” he chuckles, your eyes widen. 

You make him nervous?

Why?

“I’m sure i don’t” you look around the room, avoiding his eyes. 

He doesn’t like you, you’re just taking it the wrong way. The man is probably nervous around new people. You’re not his type, surely.

“You do, i’m sure you get that everywhere you go right?” 

Okay, what is his deal?

“I actually don’t” he looks shocked, his jaw practically falls to the floor, his eyes grow wide and he shakes his head.

“What?”

“Are you single?”

What even is this?

“I am indeed, yourself?” he nods in response. 

How can a guy like him be single?

“I’m sorry i just, i never expected you to be sing-” you cut him off.

“What is this huh? Some sort of prank? You chatting to me to win a bet?” you snap, your words coming off meaner than intended. 

“N-no, it’s not a bet. I like you or at least like how you look. I just, i’ve heard so many great things from everyone and you’re beautiful. I just wanted to ask you out but didn’t wanna jump straight in before probing a bit that’s all. I’ll leave to it, sorry for the trouble”

He gets off stool, your heart sinks, you stop him.

“Wait” 

He turns around

“I’m sorry”

“It’s not every day that i have guys flirt with me so i just, i got a bit defensive. I guess i just assume that no one would want to even talk to me let alone find me attractive” you look down at your hands but not for long.

He lifts your head up with his finger under your chin.

“Well then they are fools and i better snap you up whilst the queue is short” you can’t help but giggle again. He’s funny not to mention very hot.

“So is that a yes then?” he raises his eyebrows at you, waiting for your answer.

“It’s a yes” you sip your drink, getting off the stool.

You lean closer, pressing a soft kiss to his cheek. 

“Great, i guess i should get your number then right?” you take the phone from his shaky hands, typing the number into it before walking away.

“Text me your address gorgeous and i’ll pick you up at 8:00″ you smile as you walk away from him and into the sea of people.

-----------------

Okay Y/N pull yourself together, this is not the time to get the nerves. 

He’ll be here any minute. It’s 7:58pm and he said he’d be here at 8:00.

You have 2 minutes to pull yourself together.

*3 KNOCKS* 

That’s him, omg. He’s early.

You let out a deep breath, trying to relax your tensed shoulders. 

He mentioned that he wanted you to dress casual so you have on some high waisted black jeans with a yellow top, thin straps and low back. You check yourself out in the mirror before grabbing your bag and coat and heading to the door.

You open it to reveal him stood there, jeans and a white shirt. He looks so good. You feel your legs turn to jelly at the sight.

“WOW” he ogles you, not even trying to hide it.

“What?” you smirk

“You just look really good. I don’t feel good enough to be going on a date with you” you wave him off and step outside.

“Oh shush, you look good too by the way. Anyways where are we going?” he shrugs. 

“That my dear is a surprise” he tuts at you.

His hand brushes past yours as you walk, still unsure of where he’s taking you.

“So, tell me about yourself. How long have you been single?” you sigh at his question.

“A year now. I’ve not had the best experience with guys. They all ended up using me for sex or cheating i guess”

“God, i’m sorry to hear that. Steve mentioned about you being you know”

You laugh again.

“Trans? Yeah you can say the word you know it’s not a swear word. But yeah, i find a lot of men lately just want to mess around or have a girl but not be too serious about her and i grew tired of it so i decided to stay away. So when you approached me at the party, i didn’t think in a million years someone would actually like me and want to talk let alone be nervous to talk to me”

He takes a hold of your hand, holding it as you talk.

“So how come you’re single?” 

“Well let’s just say women do like me but not the ones i want” you feel your cheeks heat up.

“So what is your type?”

“I like women with something to them. Women who are independent, sassy and of course women who are sexy”

He lets go of your hand, coming to a halt.

“Of course i don’t just want anyone though. I want you. I know that’s cliche but yeah. So i plucked up the courage to ask you out and here we are” he gestures to the sight in front of you.

“A fairground. OMG” you squeal, taking his hand in yours and running through the entrance.

He gets you some tokens for the rides and attractions. 

First up, bumper cars.

----------------------

“Alright alright, you won. Happy now?” you roll your eyes.

“Ecstatic” 

You can’t help but smile from ear to ear as you grip onto your giant panda stuffed toy that Bucky won you at one of the games.

“This panda is quite literally the fluffiest and the largest thing ever. He’s going to be taking up a whole lotta room in my house” 

You walk side by side, back to your place.

“What you gonna name him?” 

“James” 

He told you his first name, so it only seemed right to name the panda after him. After all, he did win it for you.

“Very cute” 

“Just like you then huh”

You come to a stop as you reach your house.

“So this me” you nod.

“I had the best time tonight” you second that.

You look into his eyes, getting lost in them. It doesn’t take much.

You see him leaning closer, you follow. Your heads both tilt, coming closer until your lips touch.

The kiss is magical, like nothing you’ve ever experienced before.

“I’d love to see you again”

“I can’t say i blame you. When?” 

He looks shocked, as though he can’t believe you want to see him again too.

“How’s Friday?” your smile is getting bigger.

“Perfect”

“I’ll see you then” 

And with that, he presses another kiss to your lips, a little more open mouthed this time.

“Goodnight Y/N”

“Goodnight Bucky” you walk away, swaying your hips.

------------------

TAGS: @deadlymistress24 @coffeebooksandfandom @princess-evans-addict @badbo1-evans @holtzkinnon @mychemicalimagines @llamadelreyx @thewinchestergirl1208 @chrissquares @patzammit @adriannajackson @dummiesshort @cevans-fics

Let me know if you want to be included in my general tag list or a tag list for a specific person!

REQUESTS ARE OPEN!!

[pragmatic-optimist]

🌟 Blog Tag Game 🌟

Tagged by my friends: @mistmarauder @acejuddryder @alwaysablossom and @iboatedhere (I am so sorry this took so long, but I really appreciate the tags!)

1. Why did you choose your url?

I love a good oxymoron. Lol. So that’s part of it. 

I went to this work conference thing last February (pre-Covid 😳) where one of the sessions talked about mindset, different types and which are healthier.  

The presenter discussed the ways that blind optimism can be problematic (facts). Then, they talked about pragmatic optimism. They explained how pragmatic optimism allows us to understand the reality of the problems we face while also retaining confidence in our ability to successfully confront them. I really liked it. It gave me language for something I was already practicing in my own life. So I changed my url and here we are.

2. Any side blogs?

No, just my one little blog! Though I have thought about starting a fic rec side blog, a library of sorts. I read so much fic and I recently started to categorize it for myself in my bookmarks to make it easier to find my favorites. So I thought I could use my Monica Geller powers for the good of the fandom, but it hasn’t gone beyond an idea because what is time? 😆

3. How long have you been on tumblr?

7 years, which is nutty! I took a break here and there, but glad to be back and in the 911 LS fandom. 

4. Do you have a queue tag?

I do, but I don’t use it often. It’s #this is how we queue it

(Name that song? I’m a 90s kid 😂)

5. Why did you start your blog in the first place?

I’m a procrastinator. Lol. At the time, I was in grad school and looking for new distractions.

6. Why did you choose your icon/pfp?

It’s Betty Suarez! Ugly Betty is my favorite show of all time and Betty is the fictional character whose personality best represents me. When we talk about the importance of feeling seen in TV/Media, Betty is the first time I fully felt seen on screen. Several of her storylines resonated with me and my life. She’s my fav, as is America Ferrera who I have loved since her debut on Disney Channel’s Gotta Kick It Up. (My 90s kid is showing again lol). 

I do want to note that recently I have been strongly considering a Carlos Reyes icon…

Betty has some serious competition. 👀

7. Why did you choose your header?

Three words: Carlos Cow Eyes.

8. What’s your post with the most notes?

I can’t just pick one because there are categories 😆. They are all text posts from when I live blog shows, which is funny because normally I don’t think my posts are that interesting. So when a note blows up, it surprises me.  

The post with the most notes ever is this one from May when I decided to watch an episode of Grey’s because April was coming back (I ❤️ Japril) and I was hoping the writers would re-open the endgame door. Apparently others agreed with me and we were rewarded (🙌🏾).

The post with the most notes from my 911 Lone Star shouting is this one from the s2 finale and I love that it’s a post about Nancy. So many of us resonated with her in this moment! #foreveramood

And two of my personal favorites are this one about Sierra and this one about Rafael. Grace and Carlos are my absolute favorite characters on this show, in large part because Sierra and Rafael are incredibly talented and wonderful people.

9. How many mutuals do you have?

I have no clue, but definitely more than I would expect to have. What are you all doing here? Lol. I appreciate each of you! 

10. How many followers do you have?

532 👋🏽 

11. How many people do you follow?

264 making my dashboard lively.

12. Have you ever made a shitpost?

Every Monday night when 911 LS aired 😂. Not as many lately.

13. How often do you use tumblr each day?

This question is rude.

14. Did you have a fight/argument with another blog once?

Nope. I avoid unnecessary conflict/drama in my day to day, so I definitely don’t engage in it here. 🙅🏽‍♀️

15. How do you feel about “you need to reblog this” posts?

If it’s for signal boosting important info and world events, 100%. Reblogging to support content creators/writers is also important and something I try to do often. The superstitious ones have an email chain vibe and I don’t really engage with them. Though I am a little “stitious” and there is always that brief moment of hesitation where I go “should I?”  

16. Do you like tag games?

Yes!! Even if it takes me a little while to reply sometimes.

17. Do you like ask games?

Double yes!

18. Which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous?

They all are in my eyes, so much talent!

19. Do you have a crush on a mutual?

Yup on each one! Honestly, I admire so many of you and it makes me happy to see your posts on my dash every day. 💕

-

I’ll tag some people, but I’m super late to this and I think it has made several rounds already. So no pressure! 

@daniela-bella @aliceschuyler @sneetchestoo @buckybarnesalways @alilypea @reyescarlos @howtosingit @bellakitse @morganaspendragonss @marjansmarwani and anyone else who would like to do it. Please tag me if you do! 

[annakie]

Continued Notes on a Blog Cleanup

I started doing this a couple of weeks ago, I’m still doing it even though I’ve now passed the place I was trying to get to to find a thing awhile ago.  

But now I’m in March of 2013, closing in on two years of blog cleaned up.

I’m on page 1811 of 2968 (working backwards) with 15 posts per page.  My guesstimates are that since I started posting the blog cleanup I’ve generated about 100 posts, that’s probably a little on the low side, but it’s a workable number.  When I started I had 3021 pages of blog, so adding in about 7 more pages worth of blogs since then, that means I’ve deleted about 60 pages worth of my bog, or somewhere around 900 posts.

Sounds about right.

Anyway, here’s a bunch more thoughts on tumblr in general, this blog cleanup, and a Doctor Who Nostalgia Rewatch.

What’s crazy is that about 1/3rd of my entire blog was done in the first 18 months of its creation.  It’s now over 8 years old, but I hit the 2000th page back around November 2012, when the blog was made in May, 2011.  

I’m just now getting to the point in the blog where I kept a pretty full and steady queue in the first few months of 2013, so things move faster now instead of like 100 posts per day untagged like the early days.  And I didn’t post at all for most of the last couple of months of 2017 and early 2018 so, there’s a few-months gap there, eventually. But I figure... why stop the nostalgia tour now.  Mostly because I’m finding things I want to organize better.  I’m also finding a lot of  edits or personal posts I made and didn’t tag properly in the time period I’m covering right now. 

When all this is done, I’ll probably do a mass blog export again, now that I’m happier with the contents.  Tumblr ain’t gonna be around forever, y’all.

Still, deleting a lot of stuff.  Posts are being deleted for

Being out of date, like “Hey this game is on sale, go buy it!” or “SIGN THIS PETITION AGAINST CISPA!” or “The new season of Parks and Rec starts September 23rd" (of 2013 or whatever).  

Sometimes for being a reblog of a thing that I only marginally ever cared about and no longer do at all.  

Things that have now been proven false, or false alarms, or things we no longer have to worry about for whatever reason.  

“Hoooo boy it’s 2019 and now THAT sure turned out to be a bad take!” (”Guys, this new show called House of Cards is on!  It stars the AMAZING KEVIN SPACEY, I LOVE HIM!”  OK that wasn’t verbatim but close, and Yikes.)

Still, the cringiest of the cringe.  But there’s a lot less of that now, which is nice.  I at some point over the beginning of 2013 started doing a lot more tagging of my own posts so the tags are a much nicer place to look than some of the terrible other-people’s tags.  Although I’m still only tagging at like 60 - 70% of the time.

Observations:

What takes the longest is adding tags to posts.  So for the most part tags are only getting added to things I made.  About 45% of which are personal posts, and about 45% of which are mass effect creations posts, so far.  About 10% are things I think I may want to find again someday, though a lot of those things are being put in the “reblogging really old stuff” queue.

The blog is like, 30% Doctor Who, 40% Mass Effect and 30% Psych/Elementary/Leverage/Misc now.  It’s better.

I JUST started getting really to the part where I contributed a little more to the ME/DW fandoms besides yelling at hate-taggers.  Still.  Mid-2013 me is still doing that on occasion.  Although now it’s sometimes about Kaidan Alenko instead of just Martha Jones.  I’m still kind of torn about how I feel about all that now.  I’d say that it’s funny how there doesn’t seem to be a lot of it on tumblr these days.  Now it feels like we all have more important things to fight about.  Also, tumblr is, you know, on life support.

It feels like my blog liked and watched Supernatural longer than I did in reality?  It felt like a short flirtation to me, there continues to be supernatural content on my blog for over a year now.  Pretty sure I stopped watching mid-season 9 so maybe that’ll stop soon.  Still, way less than the general population of tumblr it felt like at the time.

People with names like 221BTardisImpala really were the worst about tagging their hate and other stupid stuff.

I’d somehow forgotten about that terrible, gross post twisting Kaidan into an “abuser” for stupid stuff like “He brought a bottle of alcohol (you know, the one Shepard bought him?) to Shepard’s quarters!” and “He did a bad thing at 17!” (and clearly the person we are at 17 is the same person he was at 34.) and and just the most asinine reasoning applied, and tagged.   The whole “I gotta tear down characters other people like to make my fave the REAL WINNER” is just... ugh.  I got back to that post and honestly, am still thinking I should have deleted the whole thing.

I’ve picked another few tags on controversial characters that I love like Jacob Taylor and scrolled through, and like I posted earlier about Martha Jones, hate tagging in general seems to just... not happen that much anymore, even after scrolling back a year or two in those tags.  That makes tumblr a nicer place to be. I know we still see the occasional like, shitty shakarian shipper in the Kaidan Alenko tag (and again, that is a very small % of overall shakarian shippers) but it’s nothing like what it used to be.

It won’t be long until the WTNV explosion happens on tumblr, or maybe it had already started at this point.  It took me a few months to catch on.  And then I’m gonna listen to it and love it, and ask for rec’s for more podcasts, then I’m gonna get into Thrilling Adventure Hour and the blog is gonna become a much more positive place.  Looking forward to getting to all that.

Does anyone know if there’s a theme or script that lets you add tags from your dash or main blog page without editing a post?  I’d go back and do this again to tag some more good reblogged posts, I think.  I’d probably have also deleted more stuff if I could have done it from my blog without going into editing. :p

Seriously though, tumblr feels like such a different place now.  It’s... quieter.  It feels almost like empty nest syndrome around here.  Or maybe I’m just curating my own experience so much better.  But again, when I do go look at other people’s blogs from posts I’ve reblogged, like almost none of them are still active.  Although it’s also surprising the number that died just like, in the last year.

Another interesting thing has been... watching the rise and fall of a personal friendship through the first few years of the blog.  Back then there were a few people who I was really close to, mostly online.  I can feel the main friendship I had with that person slipping away as their life changed significantly starting the previous few months from where I am in that blog.  And honestly, I did my own part of leaving them behind when I gained a whole new group of close friends from TAH.  We’re still like, facebook friends, but it’s a reminder of how fluid online friendships can be.  

Doctor Who Rewatch Thoughts:

I am going to catch up on my blog before I run out of Doctor Who to watch, I think.  Considering things are starting to take a lot less “grooming” now on the cleanup.

I’m now about to embark on Silence in the Library.  Am I ready to see River Song die again?  No.  I am not.  This will be the first time I watch these episodes in years, probably since Matt Smith was around?  Definitely since The Husbands of River Song.  This... will be difficult.

Hoo boy Voyage of the Damned was bad, I’d forgotten how bad.  Not Fear Her bad but, pretty bad. Though I was amused that there was a character named Foon.  For some reason that word had always triggered something in my mind when they called the world that on Hello From the Magic Tavern and now I know why.

Martha Jones, still awesome in Season 4.  Donna Noble shines brightly.  Although I’d forgotten how much weaker the first half of her season is than the very good second half.

That was the first time I’d watched The Fires of Pompeii since Capaldi took over.  Funnily, I felt like his character got more Twelve-Like as the episode went on somehow.  The long scene between just Ten and Capladi’s character was neat to watch in retrospective.

[mollyencrypted]

I posted 704 times in 2021

96 posts created (14%)

608 posts reblogged (86%)

For every post I created, I reblogged 6.3 posts.

I added 1,142 tags in 2021

#burdened with glorious queue - 356 posts

#art - 241 posts

#lovecraftiana - 112 posts

#yog-sothothery - 101 posts

#dreamquesting - 85 posts

#star trek lower decks - 65 posts

#pacific rim - 57 posts

#au - 44 posts

#kaiju - 41 posts

#monsterverse - 40 posts

Longest Tag: 132 characters

#(but yeah out of the modern treks that have aired so far lower decks is the only one that feels like star trek for this very reason)

My Top Posts in 2021

#5

Potential Fanfiction-y Interspecies Compatibility Issues That Aren't Sexual:

"So I saw the doctor today, and it turns out the reason I've been sneezing all the time is because I'm allergic to you."

"Dude, I have someone coming over in half an hour but I completely forgot they can't use the same kind of chairs as me, you gotta help me figure something out before they get here!"

"I'm so happy to have been invited to visit your family, but there seems to have been a communication failure because my species is completely incapable of consuming and processing any of the food they've set out for me and I don't know how to tell them that without seeming rude"

"The way my species expresses casual affection is impossible/highly uncomfortable for yours so it looks like we'll have to come up with something new!"

Alternatively, "The way your species tends to show affection is usually interpreted as an insult among mine, so wow this is awkward."

"Your species is nocturnal and mine is diurnal; do we really like each other enough to fuck up our sleep schedules for this relationship?"

"I like you a lot but living in your atmosphere/gravity would literally kill me, why does this always happen?"

30 notes • Posted 2021-03-12 14:52:15 GMT

#4

So I've downloaded this free constellations app on my phone because, y'know, I like stargazing but never have any clue what I'm looking at because I know jack shit about astronomy or astrology.

Anyway, my new hobby is fucking around with it and finding the Absolute Worst Constellations I can. So far, I have found:

TRIANGULUM

Literally just a big ol' space triangle. Anyone can draw a triangle between three stars. You're not special, Triangulum. The image overlay isn't even the same orientation as the star triangle, so nobody's winning here.

FORNAX

See the full post

31 notes • Posted 2021-02-09 18:58:44 GMT

#3

'Formerly-reasonable character falls for chaotic bastard and is made more chaotic and bastardous through exposure to that person's chaotic bastard found family' is an oddly specific ship dynamic, and yet I've gone for it twice. Once for a show I don't even watch.

46 notes • Posted 2021-03-26 08:59:20 GMT

#2

A Short List of Songs that Jaskier, Court Bard and Consort to the White Wolf, Warlord of the North, has absolutely performed the AWAU's versions of in the Great Hall of Kaer Morhen:

The Mariner's Revenge Song

Moby Duck

Oak & Ash & Thorn

Yarmouth Town (after Ciri's gone to sleep, of course)

The Last Seskatchewan Pirate

Hoist Up the Thing

Honourable mention goes to The Courtship of the Mermaid, which gives me very strong Jaskier vibes but which I don't think would translate into a medieval fantasy setting and still be funny, and Lillibulero, which would not get the Geralt Seal of Approval due to its inclusion of devils (not a thing) and misogyny (should not be a thing), although Ciri would probably enjoy hearing about the farmer's wife murdering her way out of the underworld.

(@inexplicifics, I submit these for your consideration)

85 notes • Posted 2021-02-07 12:44:42 GMT

#1

So, the King Lear On The Continent AU (AKA, the one where @inexplicifics' Warlord Geralt keeps getting dragged into everyone else's petty political bullshit, and Cordelia has rather complicated feelings about her terrible family):

The thing is, Cordelia is not a politically savvy woman. She isn't cunning as her sisters are, cannot play the games of flattery and falsehood that will allow her to survive. What she is is observant. She listens, she talks to people, and she knows that in the Wolf's lands the people have well-kept roads and well-stocked stores, the peasantry can afford to change their clothes, there are no unscrupulous nobles diverting the wealth of their people into their own purses. And in the Wolf's lands, the exiled third daughter of a senile King from a country that few people even remember exists might have prospects outside of a whorehouse or gutter. Might even have a chance to save her family from themselves.

The court sorceress, Lady Miranda, is young and naïve, barely more than a student, and cannot reconcile Cordelia's unjust banishment with her image of Lear the benevolent, the just, the noble, but Cordelia has always counted her as a friend, and so whilst her father professes not to care where she ends up, be it desert or marshland or the bottom of the sea, Miranda hears her request to be portalled to Wolvenberg.

In Wolvenberg, she steels herself, squares her shoulders, tries to capture that same indomitable spirit that runs through her sisters, and that once ran through their mother too. And she walks into the closest inn - the Griffin's Eyrie, and scans the interior. There's a group of Witchers drinking in the corner - she's thought they might be there, if they're anything like her father's soldiers - and she strides up to them, trying very hard to ignore the fact that she is very young, and not very skilled in self-defense, and these men are very big. And she drops to one knee, and begs them to escort her to the Wolf, where she might request sanctuary. She's expecting them to leer or look down her dress or...well, she's not really sure what else and doesn't want to know either, but the point is, they don't do any of those things. One of them gives her a hand and helps her up, and his companions finish up their drinks, and nobody seems at all suspicious of her motives, and isn't that peculiar? But now is not the time to be unpacking all of that.

She spends three days with the four Witchers - Griffins, she learns, on their way back from a hunt - who continue to treat her courteously and not very much like her father's soldiers at all, before they finally reach Kaer Morhen and she is brought before the White Wolf, Warlord of the North, and hopes that behind that unreadable expression is a heart that will see fit to help her. She tells him about her father, his failing mind and growing ego and the way she and her sisters - sharp-tongued Goneril and volatile Regan - grew up, always competing with each other for his love and attention, the way he has now left himself at the mercy of two women who have no reason to love him back, raised with the knowledge that they will never be as good as sweet demure Cordelia and faced with the sight of him casting aside even her, and she begs him to please, help her fix it, because she knows she has every right to resent him and she does but she still doesn't want him dead and her sisters will show no mercy.

As she speaks, she feels rather foolish for daring to think that the most powerful man on the Continent would listen to the pleas of a disgraced ex-princess from a nowhere-country, but when she is finished he hmms and retreats to speak with his Council. And Cordelia is lead away by a young woman in a blue-and-red silk dress, who introduces herself as Milena and offers to help her clean herself up.

In the end, the decision is made that the Wolf will not invade Cordelia's former homeland (and she's relieved at that), but that he'll lend her a small force, comprised of eight Griffins, to provide numbers and Lambert, to speak for the Wolf and guard her and Milena, who is apparently his wife (or something like that, Cordelia isn't sure) and whose presence will hopefully make it clear that this is very much not an invasion (and also to stab anyone who gets too close to Cordelia and shouldn't be there.)

Cordelia's terrible family end up gathered in one of the council chambers, and Cordelia gets to work, with her escorts staring down anybody attempting to object. Her father has formally abdicated the throne and isn't in a fit mental state to re-ascend anyway; she asks his cousin if he'll be willing to host the old king at his estate, and that's that problem taken care of. His cousin, whom she's always called 'uncle', is just as short-sighted as he is, but he's loyal and trustworthy and will ensure he spends the rest of his days in comfort.

Finding someone to take the throne is a little harder - her father has no sons, neither of her sisters can be trusted with that much power, and she herself is certainly out of the running - but her uncle's eldest son is of royal blood and is a truly good and responsible man. He's almost as naïve as she once was, but his brother is anything but, and although he's technically illegitimate, giving him a title and land of his own ought to keep him loyal enough to the new King that he'll make a decent advisor. Both her sisters would have been far happier in the military, but there's nothing Cordelia can do about that, and so she requests that they be given advisory positions too, and her father's former chief advisor, blunt and honest, to appoint anybody else necessary and keep them in line.

Cordelia herself cannot stay in the kingdom, although now-King Edgar has rescinded her banishment. She cannot remain in court after bringing the Wolf's forces upon the country, and she cannot bear to stay with her father after his treatment of her (she loves him, but she does not like him especially much, after all of this), and so she returns to Kaer Morhen. And...it's good, is what it is. Witchers can smell lies, it turns out, and so people are honest in a way her father's court rarely was, and she makes friends quickly - Milena, Oliwia, Aleksander, Jaskier... and maybe they haven't found a real job for her yet, but she can sew and spin and sing a little bit. She'll make a place for herself here somehow, and she'll work through her complicated mess of feelings eventually.

It's going to be alright.

No, really.

94 notes • Posted 2021-02-03 19:18:53 GMT

Get your Tumblr 2021 Year in Review →

[benfeldman]

here comes the jackpot question in advance

summary: The one where Dan thought Phil hated him, so he hated Phil right back.

wc: 7.5k

tags: teenager au, new year’s eve, enemies to friends to lovers (in a way)

tws: underaged drinking, swearing (lots of it,,)

a/n: i wrote this lil diddy in the space between christmas and new year’s, aka when time doesnt feel real. my only betas were spellcheck and grammarly so sry if there are mistakes. im a sucker for enemies to lovers and teenager tropes,, what can i say.

read it on ao3 if that’s more your jam

Of all the places in the world, the last place he wants to be seen is McDonald’s. Dan’s exhausted from work and he just wants some chicken nuggets and an iced coffee, some comfort food to get him through the rest of the day. It’s super busy, so the possibility of him seeing someone from school is high, unfortunately, but he’s just come off of work which is killing him slowly so the risk is worth it. While he waits in the queue he mindlessly scrolls through Twitter.

It’s been a pretty fine holiday, as far as things go. Not too exciting, but nothing traumatic or particularly harrowing, either, which in his family is somewhat surprising. And it’s been nice getting to avoid schoolwork and classmates for a while, as the halls of sixth form can be crowded with some right pricks. In fact, there’s one prick in particular he hasn’t missed one bit, and as he sees him on his Twitter feed he’s reminded of how glad he is not to have to be in his presence every day.

The only reason he doesn’t have Phil Lester blocked and muted is because he doesn’t want to seem petty. All of his friends seem to like Phil just fine, but they also know that Dan isn’t exactly his number one fan. However, the last thing Dan wants is to cause drama where there doesn’t need to be, and a single tap of the ‘block’ icon could put him in a world of unnecessary trouble. But that doesn’t change the fact that Dan Howell, from the bottom of his heart, hates Phil Lester.

Though, surprisingly, no one else seems to. It seems like Dan’s the only one who can see past his persona of Mr. Perfectly Quirky and Funny and into who he really is. He’s not that funny, and he acts like he’s the smartest kid in the entire world but surely, he must not know everything, despite his best attempts to make everyone think so. Seriously, he’s always the first to raise his hand in chem, spewing facts left and right, which makes him the worst lab partner in the entire world. Phil always has to double check Dan’s work even though he’s right on all his arithmetic ninety-five percent of the time, he always makes some comment about how Dan’s handwriting is getting messier by the week, and worst of all, he’s never wrong. That’s what sucks about it. Phil Lester is never wrong. He’s perfect.

And he makes Dan feel like an idiot. Sometimes, it feels like he’s going out of his way to purposely paint Dan as this huge moron, which he knows he isn’t, but it’s hard not to feel that way around Phil. Perfect Phil, with the perfect hair and perfect life and the brightest eyes and the best jokes, who always manages to make Dan trip over his words and say the wrong thing, something stupid. He's always quick to point out Dan’s mistakes. Which, obviously, makes him feel great.

Yeah, well, out of sight, out of mind. Dan scrolls past and tries not to think about him. Why do people even retweet his stuff, anyways? He’s not that funny, but the whole school seems to think he’s some sort of comedy king or something, which gets old really fast, in Dan’s opinion. He’s a smartass, that’s what he is.

Dan finally gets his order in and moves to the side to wait for his food, when the voice he least expected to hear sounds from behind him.

“Dan?”

Sure enough, Dan turns around, and Phil sort of materializes before him, in a hoodie and skinny jeans and, funnily enough, glasses. Dan’s not a confrontational person. He’s not. Never has been. He tends to internalize his seething rage against Phil. Usually, it works. “Hi there,” Dan replies, and thus continues his long list of dumb things he says in front of Phil.

“Small world, eh?”

Dan shrugs. “I suppose.”

Silence. Then, “You getting food?”

“Yep.” Dan takes a breath. “You?”

“Yeah. But not for me. My brother’s been a bit under the weather since boxing day and he asked that I go get him some extra crappy food to help him feel better.”

Of course Phil’s not getting McDonald’s for himself. He’s way too perfect, way too healthy, for that. When doesn’t he have a pedestal to stand on? “Cool,” Dan says instead. “I mean, not about your brother. That sucks, I’m sorry.”

Phil laughs. “It’s fine, don’t worry about it. How’s your break been?”

“Alright. A bit dull, I guess. But sometimes it’s better if nothing happens rather than something bad, right?”

“I agree. You never know when loose cannon racist Uncle Joe is gonna ruin Christmas dinner, right?”

“I’ve been there one too many times.”

“Same.”

Could it be true? Could Dan actually be getting through a conversation with Phil Lester without making a fool of himself or wanting to strangle him to death or both? Only time would tell, he reasons, but still. So far, so okay. “Get anything good for Christmas?” Phil asks.

“My brother and I got a Switch for Christmas, and we’ve both been playing it a lot. At least, when I’m not at work.”

Phil gasps. “No way! We did too!”

“That’s awesome,” Dan replies, a grin spreading across his face. “What games do you have?”

“So far we’ve just got Super Mario Odyssey, but we also really wanna get the new Zelda game so my brother can play it before he has to go back to uni.”

“I hear it’s amazing,” says Dan. “We want to get that as well.”

“Maybe if we both play it we can compare notes and stuff.”

“Yeah, maybe.” This is easily one of the longest conversations he’s ever had with Phil, and certainly the only one where he didn’t feel like self-destructing out of pure annoyance at Phil’s stupid face. The longest he’d gone without seeming like a massive idiot. Maybe there’s something about Phil wearing glasses that makes him easier to get on with.

“So, any New Year’s plans?”

“Well, I’m going to my friend Chris’ for New Year’s Eve. Since his birthday is so close, he always has a party then.” Okay, Dan, stop talking. It always really bothered him when people talked about their plans in front of others who weren’t invited. “It’s gonna be super cool, you should totally come, I mean, if you don’t have plans.” What the fuck are you doing? “He’s gonna have alcohol and stuff, too, and it’ll be legal, well, for him at least, and obviously he’ll have, like, real food too.” Are you done now, moron? “Anyways, yeah, I’m sure he’d be happy to have you, if you were interested. I mean, you probably already have stuff planned, I’m sure.” He waits for his dumb tongue to stop betraying him, and eventually, he really does stop talking, exhaling slowly. Dan, one day your mouth is going to get you killed.

Phil raises his eyebrows, but he wears a huge grin. “That sounds like fun, Dan. I’ll totally come.”

Well, Dan was eventually bound to do or say something stupid, right? It wouldn’t be a real conversation with Phil unless it ended with Phil’s superior smirk and Dan’s sinking feeling of inadequacy. “Great, cool, see you then,” Dan says. Oh my god, you fucking idiot.

“Phil!” a guy from the front counter announces.

“Oh, that’ll be my food,” Phil says, still wearing the same stupid grin on his stupid face. He pushes through the small crowd and examines his bag. Dan, in the meantime, stares back at his phone. What did he just do? It’s not as though he has a great track record for getting along with Phil, and the last thing he wants to do is ruin his friend’s party. And besides, since when did he have permission to invite random people from school to any of his friend’s parties, birthday or otherwise? Was it not a teeny bit presumptuous of him to say ‘Oh Chris won’t mind another person in his flat, where he’ll have to accommodate more space for you as well as getting even more food and drinks?’ This was a mistake. Maybe it’s not too late to rescind the invitation, to make up a fake story about how the party isn’t happening anymore. “This yours?” Phil asks, pulling Dan out of his thoughts. He hands him a bag and a coffee.

Dan grimaces. “Yeah, I guess it is.”

“You must not have heard your name,” he explains. “It was next to mine, so I just picked it up.”

“Cheers,” Dan replies, but all he wants to do is melt into the floor and forget the past five minutes ever happened.

“Well, I’ve gotta run,” says Phil. “But I’ll see you New Year’s Eve, yeah?”

Now or never, Howell. “Uh, yeah. Great.”

“Cool. Bye, then!” He flashes Dan one last friendly smile before leaving. Of course, on top of it all, he gets the last word.

---

Since there’s not a lot Dan can do about it now, the next day he rings Chris to tell him about his grave mistake, to at least attempt to be a better friend.

“What’s up?” greets Chris upon answering. “Still coming to the party tomorrow, right?”

“About that,” Dan replies, biting his nails. “I kinda invited someone yesterday, is that okay? I know space can be tight but I promise I didn’t really mean to, and if you say no it’s fine, I just--”

“Dan, I’m gonna stop you right there.” He can practically hear the smirk in Chris’ voice, and he already feels a bit daft. “You’re totally fine, I promise. The more the merrier. Who’d you invite, if I might ask?”

Deep breaths. There’s no way he can phrase this without sounding like an idiot, so he might as well bite the bullet now. “Uh, you know Phil Lester, right?”

Chris actually laughs, which Dan half expected, because everyone knows they don’t like each other. Although, to be fair, he didn’t think Chris cared. “That’s who you invited?” he manages to choke out between giggles.

���Yeah, I know, shocker. Like I said, I didn’t mean to, I just felt bad because I mentioned you and stuff. It’s okay if you say no.”

“I didn’t, uh.” Chris stops. He releases another little giggle before continuing. “I didn’t mean to laugh, at least, not at you.”

“Oh, gee, thanks.” Dan rolls his eyes, though Chris obviously can’t see.

“It’s just kinda funny, because I already invited him, and as far as I know he already said he was coming.”

Dan’s eyes widen. “What the fuck?” he says, before he can stop himself. “I mean, no. Sorry, that’s not what I meant. Why did you invite him?”

“I dunno, we have Lit together and we got to talking about the break and I invited him to my party. Why did you invite him?”

“I already told you, it was a complete accident, and obviously I didn’t know he was already coming, otherwise I wouldn’t have, clearly.” Dear Christ, was he doomed to make a fool of himself every single time he was in front of Phil? Maybe the safest course of action would be to just never say anything to him or in front of him ever again. That still left the possibility of him physically doing something stupid, but at least he could minimize the damage.

“Well, either way, Phil’s already coming, so no need to worry. Anyone else you want to invite who I invited myself? PJ maybe? Or Hazel?”

“I’m fine, thanks,” Dan responds through gritted teeth. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Great! See ya!” Chris hangs up, and Dan can hear him laughing.

It doesn’t make sense. Why didn’t Phil say anything yesterday? Did he derive pleasure in seeing Dan make an idiot of himself? How was Dan supposed to know he and Chris were friends? It wasn’t fair, it so wasn’t fair. Can Dan not have just one day where he doesn’t make a complete joke of himself?

No, not where Phil’s involved. As long as Phil is there, Dan isn’t safe from being the laughingstock of the universe.

---

December thirty first comes around, and a big part of Dan wants to just pretend he’s sick and stay home, because he can’t stand to be around Phil or even Chris, frankly, after embarrassing himself so profusely. But that would only make him seem like a coward, and Chris would make some smartass remark to Phil and make Dan seem foolish without him even being there, so he drudges himself over to Chris’ flat, despite his wishes, and hopes for the best. For all the good that’ll do him.

Dan buzzes into Chris’ place (by now he knows the code) and treks up the stairs. Chris answers the door before he can knock and shouts, “Dan! I’m so glad you could make it!” He leads him inside. “Everyone! Dan is here!”

‘Everyone’ shouts a chorus of slurred hoorays. So the drinking has already commenced. He greets a few people, saying hi to Hazel and PJ and Louise who are deep in a very loud conversation about the new Star Wars movie, and Tom and Jack, who are locked in perhaps the most intense game of go fish Dan’s ever seen. He gets some crisps and migrates over to the couch, where he collapses. He’d been working all day long; he’s actually kind of exhausted, and doesn’t feel like socializing, especially considering how sober he is compared to everyone else. He closes his eyes. It’s too much right now.

“Hey, stranger.” Dan opens his eyes and there sits Phil, on the other side of the sofa. Great. Just what he fucking needed right now.

“Hi,” he replies.

“You seem tired.”

“I was working overtime today. I kinda don’t want to be here, if I’m honest.”

“Well, I’m glad you’re here,” Phil says, and he smiles, and it’s so genuine, too genuine, just like everything Phil does, so overly thoughtful and perfect. “Get the new Zelda game?”

“Haven’t had time.”

Phil nods. “Me neither.”

Here’s what Dan doesn’t get: Why is Phil being so nice to him all of a sudden? He usually teases Dan for getting answers wrong in class or in the labs or for his messy penmanship or whatever else he chooses after spinning the things-to-make-fun-of-dan-for wheel. He’s the basic definition of a walking dick, though no one else seems to see that, and he has no reason to be nice to Dan. So, what’s changed? Maybe he’s still feeling post-holiday forgiveness or good tidings or whatever else. Maybe he’s planning to lure Dan into a false sense of security before yelling at him for his dumb hair that he didn’t feel like straightening or his old car or the fact that he foolishly invited him to Chris’ house even though he already had every intention of going. Or maybe you think too much.

“Is work going okay?” asks Phil.

“I suppose. It’s not fun but it could be worse, and at the end of the day, a paycheck’s a paycheck. Can’t complain.”

“Right.” Phil smiles. They sit in silence for a moment, listening to the music. At any moment, their truce could come toppling down, Dan realizes. “Thanks for inviting me, by the way.”

Dan rolls his eyes. “Yeah, well, Chris told me you were already coming, so.”

Phil smiles sheepishly, looking down at his shoes. “He did?”

“Yep. Thanks for the memo, by the way. Would have been nice to know before I, ya know, invited you to a party you were already going to, like a moron.” And just like that, the truce has ended.

“Hey! In my defense, I was really surprised that you did that, and I had no idea what to say, because it was really nice of you.” He shakes his head a little bit. “I just kind of went along with it. You weren’t, I mean, it wasn’t…” he stops. “It wasn’t moronic. Not at all. It was sweet.”

“Oh, that makes me feel loads better,” Dan scoffs. “Look, next time you wanna make a fool out of me, at least have the dignity to tell me to my face that I’m being an idiot.” Christ, he didn’t mean to sound like such an asshole. Why can’t you ever say anything right?

And, what’s worse, Phil actually looks hurt. “You weren’t a fool,” he insists. “You aren’t one, okay? And that wasn’t my intention at all.”

Right, Dan, there’s your cue to shut up now. “Oh, really? Because it feels like every time I talk you, all you want to do is make me feel like I’m nothing, like I’m a fucking idiot. So, excuse me if I thought this was just another one of your secret schemes to turn me into the laughingstock of the century.” He knows he needs to stop talking, but a huge part of him feels good for finally standing up to Phil for once in his life.

“I’ve never purposely tried to make you feel like an idiot, Dan, I promise.” His voice remains surprisingly even. “I’m sorry if you felt that way.”

Dan stares at the floor, hoping if he says nothing he can’t possibly say the wrong thing. “Me, a secret schemer?” Phil continues. “Honestly? You’re the one who doesn’t like me, Dan. I’ve been nothing but nice to you ever since we met but you don’t want to accept it, for whatever reason. Did you honestly think I was trying to trick you, or something?” Great. Perfect. Dan the Fucking Idiot strikes again. “Okay, whatever, don’t respond to me. But I wish we could be friends, Dan. You make up all these stories in your head about how much I hate you or whatever but they’re not true. They’re so far from the truth.”

“Well, great, I’m still the idiot, then.” Dan sighs and sinks into the cushions. “I’m sorry for yelling at you.”

“No, I’m sorry, Dan,” replies Phil. “I’m sorry for lying to you about the party. Believe me, I was the one who felt like an idiot afterwards. I was way too awkward to tell you the truth so I kind of just didn’t say anything and hoped for the best. Which clearly didn’t work.”

Dan actually smiles at that, just a bit. “No, it did not,” he agrees.

“Can we just, like, start over?”

“Sure, yeah.”

“Cool.”

“Come on,” Phil prompts, sitting up. “Let’s go get something to drink. You look like you need it.”

Dan rubs his eyes and rises to his feet. “You have no idea.”

---

So it takes Dan vodka and coke to warm up to the idea of maybe being friends with Phil, but who could blame him? Everything’s happening so fast; Phil’s dragging him to the kitchen and talking to him like a pal as if the past ten minutes, or even the past few months, haven’t happened. Phil pours the bottle of vodka into a cup of soda and asks Dan what his favorite TV shows are and it makes no sense.

They’re too different, Dan always thought. That’s why they never got on, because they were so different they had no hope of ever understanding each other. It was a fruitless quest. But maybe they’re not. Phil gets a refill on his drink as well and laughs a bit and remarks that he forgot to ask Dan what he wanted, he just assumed he’d have the same thing Phil was having. Dan assures him that it’s fine and this is probably what he would have made for himself too and, maybe they’re not that different.

They move back to the couch and try to ignore the fact that everyone’s staring at them, and Dan really can’t blame them as they did just kind of have a loud fight a few minutes ago. The first sip of the drink doesn’t go down well, it never does, but it gets easier and easier and pretty soon Dan’s already starting to feel better. He knows this can’t last, because he has to drive home in about four and a half hours but for now he can pretend like the future isn’t coming. Instead of thinking about that, he and Phil just talk, they just sit on the couch and talk and it feels different and nice. That’s what he really can’t get over, most of all. Who knew Phil would actually turn out to be a nice person?

After a while, Chris decides to turn his music up, and Dan and Phil kind of have to shout at each other to be heard. “Okay, so can I just ask,” Phil starts, frowning slightly. “Why, uh, why don’t you like me? Or why didn’t you like me?”

Not really the question Dan wanted to hear, after trying to turn his opinion about Phil around. “I don’t dislike you.”

“That’s a lie and we both know it.”

Dan sighs. “Fine. It’s because you don’t like me.”

“I like you,” he insists. “I’ve always liked you.”

“You don’t really act like it.”

That stops Phil short. “Well, in my defense, you’re pretty easy to tease about stuff.”

“Hey!” Dan exclaims. “That’s not very nice.”

“Trust me, it’s not a bad thing.” Phil smiles a little bit. He’s got a nice smile. He should do that more often. “I only do it because…”

“Because why?”

“Because nothing.” He crosses his arms. “Be serious, why don’t you like me?”

Dan frowns. “Well, okay, it’s just, like…” Don’t mess this up, don’t mess this up. “You’re just so fucking perfect, like all the time. You come here and you’re the new kid but you make friends effortlessly because you’re perfect and you’re smart and always say the right answers in chem which infuriates me because I used to be that kid that always knew everything but you waltzed into class and you were always right and suddenly I knew nothing . Every single day you come to class, you make me feel so stupid because you’re so smart and your hair is perfectly straight and exactly what I wish my hair looked like, and you’re just as tall, if not taller than me but you manage to make it look good, and you’re always up there on your high horse and I feel inadequate around you all the time. And it, like, never made sense to me that other people couldn’t see how too perfect you are.”

It all comes out in a complete rush, before Dan can stop himself. Instantly he knows he’s overshared, as Phil winces when Dan looks at him expectantly, waiting for an answer. “I’m not perfect,” Phil finally says. “I can’t believe you think I’m perfect.”

“Well, can you blame me? I mean, look at yourself. You weren’t even at McDonald’s for you, you were getting food for your brother. Kind, thoughtful, healthy and conscientious Phil.”

Phil just shakes his head. “I can’t believe that’s why you don’t like me, because I’m too ‘perfect.’” He does air quotes around that last word.

“Whatever,” Dan mumbles. “I feel embarrassed even though I also feel like I’m right.”

“I’m furthest thing from perfect,” Phil protests. “I swear.”

“Okay, name one imperfection of yours, I dare you.”

“Fine.” Phil crosses his arms, accepting the challenge. “That day, when I went to McDonald’s. It, I…” He takes a sip of his drink before continuing. “Well, my brother wanted food, but my mom wouldn’t get it for him, and he doesn’t trust me to drive around anymore so he drove the car there, but waited in the parking lot for me to get the food, because he didn’t want to come inside himself.”

“What’s your point?”

“My parents won’t let me drive anymore, because I’ve failed my driving test three times and one time I was driving around and almost got in an accident because I’m literally the shittiest driver in the entire universe.” He sighs, and glances at Dan. “So. Strike one. I’m not perfect.”

“To be fair, no one passes their driving test the first time around. You’ll have to do better than that.”

“Okay. Fine. I wear contacts.”

“Yeah, well, I already guessed that. I saw you in glasses, remember?”

Phil’s face turns a brilliant shade of pink. “Oh, right.”

“And you looked cute in glasses, so, whatever, that doesn’t count as an imperfection. Try again.”

He thinks for a moment, then, “I dye my hair.”

“What?” Dan gasps.

“Yeah. I’m naturally a ginger but I look horrendous so, I dye it like once a month. It’s kind of embarrassing.” He takes another sip. “I don’t think I’ve ever told anyone that.”

“Well, it looks great. I had no idea.”

“I’m only telling you that because I’m not sober, just so you know.”

“I’ll take it.”

Phil smiles. “But speaking of hair, I didn’t know yours was curly.”

“Oh,” Dan replies, cheeks turning red. “I didn’t have time to straighten it before going to work, and then I just couldn’t be bothered, so.” He self consciously brushes his fringe out of his eyes.

“I think it looks great.”

“Thanks.” He takes a sip. “Well, anyways, you get my point, right? You’re frustratingly perfect. It makes me want to strangle you sometimes.”

“You’ve completely misjudged me, Howell. I’m so far from perfect.”

He’s almost finished with his drink so he’s feeling extra brave, and before he knows it, he blurts, “Well, what do you think of me? You know, so I can also prove your misconceptions about me wrong.”

“I dunno. I think you’re really funny, you’ve got a sort of dark sense of humor that I like, and you’re also super passionate about your opinions, which I appreciate. Even when those opinions happen to be regarding your deep hatred of me.”

“Look,” Dan tries to defend, but Phil isn’t hearing any of it.

“No, it’s okay. You wear your heart on your sleeve. And you care an awful lot. That’s not nothing. I admire that about you.”

Dan’s heart stops in its tracks. His stomach churns. “I’m such an idiot,” he mutters to himself.

“Why, Dan?”

“I really thought you hated me,” he says quietly, wishing he could disappear.

“No, I don’t hate you, Dan. I feel like I know you, ya know? Like, I just have this feeling, like, I look at you and I know who you are. I wish I had that ability, too.”

“What do you mean?”

“Like, you clearly had me all completely wrong in your head. But I can just see you for you. I know that you’re passionate and loyal and compelling and--”

“Guys!” Chris shouts from behind their place on the couch. “We’re about to play cards against humanity, and you have to play. Also you’re not allowed to say no because it’s my birthday.”

They begrudgingly sit around the dining table, with their friends who are all decidedly at least twice as drunk as Dan and Phil are, which is fine, but maybe a slight bit alienating. Dan’s tipsy, sure, but he’s not flat-out drunk, mostly because he has to drive home but also because he hasn’t eaten anything all day and the last thing he needs is to throw up at his friend’s place. Especially since Phil’s there, and, yeah, he really needs one more reason to feel like an idiot in front of him. But, Phil doesn’t think of him as an idiot, in a strange turn of events. He’s not one hundred percent sure that he believes him, but why would he lie?

“Do you guys need a refill?” Hazel asks them, nodding to their almost empty cups.

“I’m good, thanks,” Dan says. “I’m driving, so.”

She shrugs. “Suit yourself. Phil?”

“I’m alright.”

“God, do you two even know how to have fun?” She smirks and rolls her eyes. “Whatever, more for us fun people.”

Hazel makes her leave to the kitchen to refill her drink and Phil laughs a little. The sight makes Dan’s heart rate speed up a little; Phil sticks his tongue out of his mouth and his eyes crinkle in the perfect way and all of his teeth show and okay, okay, why is he thinking like this right now? What just happened to make him notice something like that, something so trivial and inconsequential? Why has Dan never noticed that Phil’s eyes aren’t actually blue, but they’re blue and green and gold and they kind of look like a kaleidoscope?

He has to turn his mindset back around before it’s too late. “What, Goody Two Shoes Phil doesn’t want to get drunk?” Dan teases.

“Yeah, well, my parents are already mad enough at me as it is. I don’t need another reason to upset them.”

“Why are they upset with you?”

“They’re just…” He sighs. “I guess they’re not mad, they just really didn’t want me to come here, because they’re frustrated that they have to come pick me up and drive me home so late, and I guess I just feel bad, because we usually spend today together, and like, I turn eighteen in a month so it’s gonna be legal for me to drink soon, but they don’t want me to until I’m nineteen, which is bullshit, but they’re my parents, so.”

“Guys!” Chris shouts, interrupting their conversation. “Have either of you played your cards yet?”

“Fuck, sorry,” Dan apologizes. He picks a random card about George Clooney and passes it down. Phil follows suit. Chris begins to read out the cards he has, but Dan is barely listening. “I can take you home,” Dan says quietly. “Don’t worry about it.”

“You sure?” Phil asks.

“Positive.”

“Okay. I’ll text my parents.” The group laughs hysterically at one of the answers, bringing them back to reality.

“Right, I’m picking this one,” Chris announces. “Who played it?” Louise proudly raises her hand, and everyone claps.

Even though the game continues, Dan and Phil don’t really pay attention, lost in conversation with each other. It’s a bit hard to hear over the noise of drunk teens yelling dirty jokes at each other, but it doesn’t seem to matter. Dan feels relaxed around Phil for the first time ever, and maybe it’s the vodka but that’s starting to wear off in all honesty and it more just feels like Phil’s a generally nice person and he’s been missing out on him and his company since September when they met. It takes them about ten minutes to realize no one’s actually playing the game anymore and they’re instead just finding their favorite cards in the pack, trying to make each other laugh. They quietly sneak off back to the couch to continue to talk and no one seems to mind. It’s like he’s been missing Phil his whole life, like the moment they start to just talk he’s picking up from where they left off, even though really they never even started, not really.

Maybe Phil Lester the jerk wasn’t such a jerk after all.

---

Eventually, the group moves to the living room and puts on a movie, crowding the space that was previously just being occupied by Dan and Phil. But Dan doesn’t really mind, and anyways the more he talks to Phil the more he realizes that maybe his feelings of hatred were a bit misguided or maybe they were disguising themselves as hatred because he couldn’t face the truth. Now there’s something he’s really afraid to consider.

Phil gets up from his self-proclaimed spot on the couch to go to the bathroom at around eleven, when people are starting to get either drunker or more sober, waiting for the clock to strike midnight and ring in the new year. PJ takes this opportunity to slide over to press up against Dan, a huge grin on his face.

“What’s up, Daniel?” he asks. He smells overwhelmingly of vodka.

“Not much, excited for the new year, I guess.”

PJ waggles his eyebrows suggestively. “You gonna go for it?”

“Go for what?”

“Oh my god, you’re absolutely daft. Everyone knows of the tradition of kissing someone exactly at midnight on New Year’s Day, right?”

Dan freezes. “I… Who…”

“This is your chance, Dan. He likes you, I promise, just go for it.”

“Okay, you keep saying that, but I still don’t know what you’re referring to.” Though, obviously, he does. “Peej, you’re super drunk right now.”

“And you’re not?” He laughs. “You should be!”

“I have to drive myself home.”

He pulls a face. “So?”

“Right, let’s get you some water, you goof.”

He gets up to go to the kitchen and pour him a cup of water from the fridge, and when he comes back to the living room Phil’s back, deep in conversation with Hazel. He tries his best to ignore the pang of jealousy in his gut because Seriously, are you fucking kidding me? One minute you hate him and the next you don’t want anyone else to look his way? Maybe he’s always felt that way, like there’s always been some kind of underlying jealousy. But jealousy of what? His personality? His hair? His ability to make friends with all of Dan’s friends but somehow be better at it?

“Here you go, Peej,” Dan says, handing him the cup.

“I don’t want it,” he whines in response, but Dan practically forces it down his throat. He makes eye contact with Phil as he attempts to shove the cup into PJ’s hand, and Phil smiles at him and his heart explodes a little bit and, yeah, you’re an absolute gonner.

“Do it, Dan,” PJ whispers into his ear. “Do it for me, if nothing else.”

“Drink your water and I’ll think about it, arsehole.”

It works. PJ sits up straight and practically chugs the whole thing in an instant, earning him a satisfied pat on the back from Dan. He doesn’t mind playing the mom friend at parties, in fact, it makes him feel good. If he can save someone from dying of alcohol poisoning, he can justify coming to this party.

“Dan!” Phil gestures for Dan to sit next to him, as Hazel’s gotten up to get snacks.

“Having fun?” Dan asks, eyebrows raised. He’s pretty sober as far as things go but he still feels like his brain is going a bit haywire which is just great, just brilliant, because that confirms everything and why does this have to happen here, at a party in front of all his friends, on the most cliche night of the year, with music from the movie on TV swelling and laughter and drinks and it’s all just so much, it’s way too much for him right now. And seriously, of all people, Phil? Like, why couldn’t it be someone he knew and actually tolerated?

“Did you hear me, Dan?” Phil asks, bringing him back to reality.

Brilliant, fucking brilliant. What was it about Phil that always made him feel like he was one step behind, all the time? “Sorry, no, what did you say?” Seriously, can God just come smite me where I stand already?

“I said I’m having a great time. Your friends are super cool.”

“Glad you think so.” Can this not happen, please? Not now.

“And you aren’t so bad yourself.” Phil winks, and seriously, Dan feels like a year four, like a child in primary school, with a secret crush and a secret diary full of unsent love letters and this cannot be happening.

“Thanks, Phil.”

“So, any resolutions for the new year?” Phil asks.

“No, not really. What’s the point of making them if you can’t stick to them?”

Phil shrugs. “You never know until you try, right?”

“Okay, fine, what’s your resolution then?”

Phil thinks for a moment, then says, “To just be more authentic. To live a more honest version of myself, whatever that means for me. No unrealistic or unattainable goals. Just, not try to hide or fix myself in front of others. However it happens.”

Dan laughs in spite of himself. “A bit too meta for me, but the sentiment is there, I suppose.”

“I think New Year’s resolutions are fun to make, even if you don’t end up sticking to them. It’s the thought that counts, really.”

“See, this is what I’m talking about. Everything you say, it’s perfect. How do you do it?”

“What can I say? I must be born with it.” He does a fake flip of his hair and giggles. Phil needs to stop fucking giggling because it’s driving Dan insane, it’s contagious and it makes Dan laugh right along with him. Phil makes him feel so safe and warm and like he’s Dan’s missing piece and every other cliche the world has to offer him but fuck it, it’s true. And maybe he’s just completely misreading the signals and maybe Phil still secretly hates him and maybe Phil’s straight as a stick (though to be fair Dan used to think he was so that means nothing) but if he can’t say it now, when can he?

“Phil, can I ask you something?”

“Sure, Dan.”

His confidence is dwindling by the nanosecond. “You’re not mad at me for being a dick to you for months, right?” Justsayitjustsayitjustsayitjustsayit--

“No, of course not. How could I be mad at you? I’m mad at myself, if anything, for being a dick to you.”

Dan opens his mouth to speak, but his words die in his throat and he knows he needs to just say it but nothing is happening.

“I wasn’t doing it with any malicious intent,” Phil continues. “It’s just that being nice to you didn’t seem to work, and it was the only other way I could think to get you to talk to me.”

“And why…” His voice is close to failing him. “Why would you want that?”

“Well, I--”

“Guys!” Chris shouts, interrupting them. “It’s eleven forty-five! Almost midnight! I’m breaking out the champagne! Come help me!”

Phil rolls his eyes and gets up with the rest of the party, which is moving to the kitchen to break out the grand finale of alcohols, the champagne. Dan tries not to feel disappointed, but then again, perhaps this is a sign. Chris pops open the bottle and everyone cheers and PJ brings him glasses. Jack helps to pass them out to everyone and Dan takes his, even though he has no intention of actually drinking it.

Chris changes the channel so they can watch the countdown live with the rest of Britain and Dan’s nerves go completely haywire. Everyone’s crowding around the TV and anticipation buzzes in the air and the guy on TV announces that there’s two minutes left until the new year begins and Phil’s on the other side of the room now and his heart hurts a bit. He puts his cup down on the side table to resist temptation. One minute left. He feels someone brush the back of his hand and it’s Phil and time slows down and the people around him fall away.

The countdown is happening around him. He locks eyes with Phil and he’s pretty sure someone just shoved a party popper into his hand but he really doesn’t care. Twenty-one, twenty, nineteen… Phil grabs his hand. Okay, okay, breathe, you need to remember to breathe, don’t fucking pass out for the love of all that is holy. Ten, nine, eight…

Now or never, Dan. Now or never. Now or never.

Five, Phil pulls him closer.

Four, Dan moves his hands to Phil’s waist.

Three, Phil moves his hands to the back of Dan’s head.

Two, Dan leans in. Or maybe Phil does. Or maybe--

One.

Shouts of joy, the mini explosions of party poppers, and choruses of “Happy New Year!” fill the room, and Dan kisses Phil. He feels soft and warm and they fit together so perfectly, and Dan pulls him impossibly close to his body and wow, why didn’t they do this sooner? It feels like fireworks, like the fireworks that are currently going off on TV, and it’s everything he could have imagined only magnified by about a million. It’s perfect. Perfect, just like Phil.

Applause erupts. Dan and Phil finally break away and see that everyone seems to be cheering for them. He completely forgot that there were other people in the room that could see them and now everyone knew. Awesome. Phil giggles and breaks the embrace, squeezing Dan’s hand instead. He’s completely and utterly mortified.

“About bloody time,” Chris remarks, shaking his head.

Dan scoffs. “Mind your own damn business.”

“Stop making out in front of everyone!” retorts Chris.

“What, we weren’t,” Dan stutters, but Phil just smiles and squeezes his hand again. Somehow, it’s not making Dan feel any better.

“Oh, leave them alone,” Louise scoffs at her friends, and soon their attention turns back to the TV, though they don’t stop laughing. Phil peers at Dan from behind his fringe and Dan can’t help but push it back a little and he can’t stop smiling and he knows he’s gone all red from embarrassment but he’s still on cloud nine. He kissed Phil. Or maybe Phil kissed him. Now he can’t really remember. It doesn’t matter, probably.

Party poppers explode and glasses clink and Dan kisses Phil again and nothing has felt more perfect in his whole life. He tastes like vodka and sugar cookies and Dan probably tastes the same and how could he have ever thought a thought as stupid as hating Phil Lester?

Phil laughs a bit, and pulls away. “My phone’s ringing,” he explains apologetically. He pulls it out of his pocket. “Fuck. It’s my mum.”

“Oh.” Dan takes a step back. “You should get that.”

Phil accepts the call while Dan sits back down on the couch. Around him, his friends start to clean up the flat. He hasn’t had a lot of time to process what just happened but now he can. Though, it’s fruitless, as he can barely believe any of this just happened.

Phil curls up next to him. “No… Mum, don’t worry… I don’t… Yes, he’s gonna take me home… I promise… Okay. Love you.” He closes his eyes and sighs. “Bye.”

A ghost of a smile remains on his face, but his eyes have lost their sparkle. “My mom wants me to come home,” he announces. “Do you still want to take me?”

“Yeah. Not like I still need to be here.”

“You’re sure you’ll be okay to drive and stuff?”

“I swear.”

“Positive?”

Dan leans in and plants a kiss on Phil’s nose. “Let’s go.”

Phil smiles and blushes. Dan’s never seen him so soft before. He’s still perfect, though. Still perfect. “Okay,” Phil whispers. “Okay.”

On their way out, Dan swears he can hear Chris whisper to PJ, “My work here is done.”

---

“Come on, slowpoke!” Dan shouts from his car, leaning on the horn. No response. Figures, the guy takes about a half hour at least to straighten his hair. And besides, he liked to make Dan wait. Annoying, since it was Dan doing him a favor and Dan asking for nothing in return. But then Phil comes bounding down the stairs and pulls the passenger’s door open.

“Right. Let’s go,” Phil commands, slamming the door shut.

“Yes sir,” replies Dan.

“Alright, alright, lose the attitude.”

“I’m your school chauffeur, I can act however I like.” He backs out of the driveway and speeds down the road to school. “By the way, we’re late. Again.”

“We’ll be fine.” He leans over the dashboard and gives Dan a peck on the cheek. “Better?”

“Marginally.”

“Whatever. You’re no fun.” Phil fake-pouts, crossing his arms and staring out the window.

Dan concentrates on the road in front of him, but a grin appears on the corner of his mouth. “I think what you meant to say was, ‘Thank you, my wonderful, beautiful, attractive boyfriend, for driving me to school every day, how could I ever repay you.’”

“As soon as I get my license, I am never driving in a car with you ever again.”

“Good to know you’ll always ride with me, then.”

Phil scoffs. “I’m telling you, the fourth time’s the charm.”

“Whatever you say, Lester.”

They’re both quiet for a bit, watching blocks and blocks of flats go by. “Thank you, Dan.”

“For what?”

Phil shrugs. “Everything?” Dan glances at him, and God he’s so beautiful, it almost hurts. Even in the early morning sun, it’s like looking into the night sky, into an entire galaxy.

“Ditto,” Dan replies. They’re almost to school, with only five minutes to spare.

“Ugh, don’t get all sappy on me.”

“What can I say? I’m a poet.”

Dan parks the car and turns to face Phil properly. They kiss, a real one this time. It’s warm. Phil pulls away slightly. “We’re actually going to be late, though.” He grabs his backpack and opens the car door.

“Your fault,” Dan replies, doing the same.

“I can live with that.”

“Yeah.” Dan leans across the car to kiss Phil one last time. “Me too.”

[locker72]

I don’t think I’m ok. I don’t usually use Tumblr as a diary but I have no idea what friend I would call, I don’t want to impose and the only ones who I would call without that fear are in other countries, or busy, or need a good night’s sleep or I dunno... I’m not good at calling people for help, so Tumblr hear I come.

I’m Ace, nothing wrong with that. In fact it’s taken me since about 2015 to come to terms with the fact that that is what I am. It’s taken since then for me to no longer feel like I’m broken or defective. I still have no Idea how to have a romantic relationship though as the last person I tried to tell while dating them made it about him and asked what he had done wrong (news flash he had done nothing to cause it, but his reaction in hindsight probably started the failure of our relationship as I no longer felt I could talk to him about serious things. Or anything for that matter without upsetting him. Also I ended up feeling morally obligated to have sex with him. Again not his fault he never forced it i’m quite a good pretender and you can’t blame him for not knowing I was internalising everything. But still, they are hangups I still carry). 

Basically in the last two years that I have been single, I have fallen in and out of love with friends. Some women, some men, some neither (’Neither are me but I still gotta pee!’ a quote from an amazing person) and each one I have learned to clearly state; I like you, but I don’t want to have sex with you. In fact, I want nothing more from you that you want to give. Each time gauging their responses to see if they would react in the same way. The best one is someone who follows me here (you know who you are) where they responded with something along the lines of ‘that’s cool! I don’t like you in that way but I’m happy to still be your friend!’. Can I point out that they are still such a great friend and our dynamic never changed. Kudos. My other fave is a guy at work who is so confused by the fact that I don’t want to have sex with him. It’s funny to watch him flirt and pull back because he’s scared that he’ll actually care. But he is a child. Maybe when he’s a bit older... and more educated on his LGBT rhetoric. I’ll link him a few pages. Maybe he’ll be less of an arse. I doubt. 

Anyway, carrying on. I’ve been pretty good with it. Sure I’ve had my ups and downs mentally, but it was never about my sexuality. Been on a diet. dropped a dress size. went a full 10 days sober. Now however I find myself anxious, but also kind of numb, kind of just sad. I don’t know how to describe it. I just feel... wrong. Not quite here I guess. 

It started in a club at a friends birthday night out. Three people discussing my sexuality as if I wasn’t even there. Describing the fact that to be Asexual you have to be ‘gay in denial’ or ‘an abuse victim’. And those are exact words. Had I been sober, had the room been quieter I could have discussed with them, because I’m always happy to discuss sexuality, it’s a learning experience and I’m always discussing and learning. I would have explained why they were so friken wrong. But I was drunk, it was a club, they didn’t care to listen or change their opinions, and I lost it. I yelled ‘there’s nothing wrong with me’. It’s not the full spectrum of what I was feeling but it was better that punching someone. That’s when their tone changed. It went from ‘we’ll talk about you like you aren’t here and discuss why you are obviously repressing something’ to ‘oh no! There’s nothing wrong with you! Special snowflake! We meant no offence!’

Fuck. Off.

I had to get out. They starting saying things like ‘you wouldn’t say someone was wrong for being gay’. Well no, because being gay is fine. Because being gay is still sexual. Because they believe that being gay exists! I walked away from the conversation but god damn they followed me. They fucking followed me to explain just how much they didn’t mean to cause offence. They didn’t cause fucking offence they caused anxiety! They caused anger! They made me feel like a broken toy that either needed to be fixed or cast aside! 

Sorry. 

Anyway. Cue to today, two days down the line. I’ve been feeling like shit. Questioning myself and thinking that something is wrong with me again. Thinking that maybe of I could just fix that little thing that is broken I could be whatever. A friend at work who is gay I thought could help me feel better. He did for a bit, but then I remembered that he asked My other friend at work (who I desperately want to call but she needs a good night sleep and I refuse to hinder that) who is bi, and oddly has the same name as me (we joke that we’re a hive mind), had the nicest reaction. Her own mother said the same thing to her. This is whi Bi’s and ace’s make good friends; we put up with the same shit! She doesn’t give very good hugs though so. 

So I type my issue in the comments of a post (because tags are like whispering yo!) And now I have an anon that is very nice, but by the gods they sound like my ex. Queue me looking at his tumblr, which I shouldn't, getting ever shittier because I recognise his room and his shoes and his hands and god damn its been two FUCKING years I thought I was over this, how DARE I allow some STUPID MAN to have such an effect on me! But it just knocks me over the edge, and I need to vent. There is too much in me. I’m 5 foot fuck all and there is not enough space for all the shit going on in my head. 

Anyway I’m drunk because I’ve come off the bandwagon in a big way. I’m trying really hard not to self harm again. It’s summer, i;m wearing short sleeves to work and the guys can already see the leftovers from Easter, but that’s another story, I don’t want to add more. 

I needed to rant. Thanks for listening. I’ll try not to do this again.

I need a hug. And a joint. Fuck I have work in the morning, I need to train people. Someone want to Tweet in my place?  

[feuillesmortes]

Academic life got in the way of this fic, but here we are! This chapter happens just one day after Henry and Lizzie’s day trip to Richmond. I’m tagging my mates @harritudur and @queenbessofyork, who have been incredibly supportive of this fic. 

As always, you can also read it on Ao3.

Henry, London Borough of Camden, 2:04 p.m.

One could think of few things better than spending a bank holiday in North London. The sun was out, the birds were singing. The sound of the rustling leaves coming from the Heath was carried along by a gentle breeze sweeping down on Hampstead Village. That posh neighbourhood, known as the new frog valley of London, where french pâtisseries and crêperies endowed the air with the richest of flavours, was home to François de Bretagne.

In one of the large Edwardian houses that populated the neighbourhood, Henry Tudor attended his boss’s garden party garbed with his best bottom-up and armed with a politely trained smile on his face. It was a great chance to properly catch up with his co-workers and improve his networking skills. Except Henry would rather be anywhere else. Well, not really anywhere else. Certainly not with anyone. He had a very specific person on his mind. 

For what felt like the hundredth time, he unlocked his mobile screen to look at her text:

Can we meet today at 7? Spoons would be nice x

Just ten simple words. Not unlike with everything else in his life, Henry found himself overanalysing that line of text. She had ended it with a single ‘x’ instead of a double… Not the most affectionate way to end a text, one could say. Their goodbye the previous day had been awkward enough, yes, but she hadn’t shied away from his embrace. Granted, when walking Lizzie to her flat she had hurried inside the building maybe a bit too fast.

But her invite to the local Wetherspoons was a good sign, wasn’t it? A familiar feeling gnawing at his insides, Henry started to think he might have miscalculated his move. Maybe he should have given her more time… He instinctively touched the pocket where he kept the gift he had bought her ages ago: a gold necklace, paired with a rose pendant. He had bought it as a Christmas present, only at the time he hadn’t had the guts to give her.

“Tudor, are you coming or not? We’ll be running out of gravy soon.”

“Yeah, bruv! Just grab your plate and get in the bloody queue!”

Henry looked up to find his co-workers Ed and Tom waiting for him, both mildly annoyed at his delay. “Alright, alright. I’m coming.”

His colleagues were right to worry about the gravy, though; the queue for the buffet table was incredibly long. It looked like everyone who worked for the company had been invited to the party. The majority of the employees were EU nationals, but Henry’s fellow Brits were increasing numbers every day.

“Oh shit, is that Jane from HR?” Tom exclaimed suddenly. “I’ve gotta go talk to her. Hold my place for a sec, will you?”

A cocktail cooling in hand, Henry watched Tom approach the HR girl with the characteristic sleazy smile he put on whenever he tried to chat up a girl. Thomas Grey, simply known around the office as Tom, looked just like a generic Tom was supposed to look. Small round eyes, rosy face, neither tall nor short. Every Brit knew at least one generic Tom.

“Doesn’t he have a girlfriend or something?” Henry turned to ask his other colleague, Edward Woodville. He bore the same last name as Lizzie’s mother, which sometimes made Henry wonder whether they were distantly related or if it was all just coincidence.

“Last time I checked, he had a fiancée.” Henry let out a small oh, taking a sip from his glass. Ed simply shrugged. “You know how Tom is. Always… fooling around.” He turned his gaze to Henry. “What about you? What were you doing back there on your phone? Not bad news, I hope.”

“No, not bad news. Just… me being paranoid, I reckon.”

Ed nodded, turning to scan the rest of the party. “Do you… want to talk about it… maybe?”

“Nah, mate. I’m fine.” Henry looked down at his glass, shaking the ice cubes. The liquid quivered with circular vibrations. Some unspoken rules were just not simply broken.

“Cool.”

“Cool.” Henry repeated, as if those were not his worries they were just trying to discuss. Cool.

A comfortable silence settled over them, lasting no longer than Tom’s return. Looking triumphant, Tom got back just in time before the queue moved too far. “I did it! I got her number! See, I told you I would—”

“Well, well, well! Who do we have here?”

They spun around to find Pierre Laudais, François’ assistant. He sported a mocking smile and an awfully tacky tie as he usually did. He wasn’t particularly popular among the employees, not even the EU nationals working for the firm. As the second in command, Laudais was merely tolerated. Henry let out a deep sigh, bracing himself. Here we go.

“And do my eyes deceive me or it is Henry Tudor, the absolute ledge!” The Frenchman laughed, patting his shoulder. “Isn’t it how you lads say it? Absolute ledge?”

Don’t murder stare. Don’t murder stare. You’ve got this. Don’t murder stare. Don’t murder st—

His colleagues shook their heads, barely concealing their contempt.

“It’s not… It’s not really…”

“It’s not how we say it.”

Laudais was thoroughly amused, though. “Why not? This guy— this guy here, I’m telling you. This guy right here is a legend. The best intern we ever had. Go ask François. N’est-ce pas, Tudor?” Laudais spoke his last name with a strong accent dripping with sarcasm. It all clearly meant: aren’t you a proper boss’s pet?

Henry squinted his eyes at him, fake smiling. “Thank you, Laudais. I only try my very best. But clearly, you already know that for sure.” Just the previous month, Henry had checked a couple of funny reports, counts not matching the system. The error couldn’t be tracked at the time, but Henry had a feeling Laudais hadn’t been much happier since then.

Laudais simply blinked at him for some seconds before turning to his co-workers. “Well, forgive me for trying to blend in with you, heh. You know, after Brexit one does fear about losing his job. No one is safe! Who knows who could be next!” He raised his glass of champagne as a way of goodbye and gave them an ugly smirk, a motion that rendered his face even more punchable. He left them to go straight to the casserole dish stand, jumping the queue and receiving some silent head shakes along the way.

“Connard.” Henry muttered under his breath, gulping down the rest of his cocktail. He could assign a long list of names to that bastard. It was a special pastime of his to get colourful with his french insults: enfoiré, abruti, crevard, quickly turning into trou du cul, face de rat, sac à vin, crétin des Alpes, ironie de la création… It was truly a great pity he could not voice his thoughts with so many French speakers around.

His co-workers beside him, though, were not so subtle.

“Dickhead.”

“Fucking wanker.”

Henry served himself a couple of golden yorkshire puddings, a recent favourite of his. “Don’t mind him. Laudais is just trying to scare me. Honestly, I couldn’t be arsed to care.”

“But maybe you should,” Ed said, stuffing his plate with roasted vegetables. “Aren’t you graduating in a few month’s time?”

“Hopefully yes.”

“It’d be nice to have a job then, don’t you think?”

Henry fell silent at that. It would be nice to have a job. That was something he had to remind himself every time frustration got the better of him, like a mantra. It would be nice to have a job.

The hours dragged, the minutes stretched. Taking rounds around the garden to chitchat with his colleagues was like a personal nightmare come alive. The weather! Where would they all be if not for that particular topic of conversation? Switch to French. Switch to English. Switch to French again. François’ relatives were there too, which meant of course even more fake smiling, fake listening, enthusiastically nodding your head and feigning interest in the most tedious things. The number of times he had to say “how do you do?” that day just couldn’t be measured.

Henry would check his watch every now and then. Shit, only five minutes since last time. It was at that rather depressing moment that Tom pulled out a cigarette pack. “Time for a break. Are you coming, Tudor?”

Ed didn’t smoke, though he would sometimes join them during coffee break. Every time, though, he would complain the smoke followed him around. Henry himself as he was trying to quit gradually stopped joining Tom for a drag.

Henry looked at the pack Tom was shaking in his hand. They were L&B, a popular brand, but too chavvy for Henry’s taste. He forcefully willed himself to look away. “No, thank you. I’ve quit.” He rubbed the nicotine patch beneath his shirt, placed just above his elbow. He knew the day would be stressful enough, so he had to come prepared.

“What, Tudor! Seriously?“

Ed congratulated him by clapping. “That’s the spirit. Good for you, Tudor. ”

“Come on, mate! One fag is not gonna kill you.”

Tom extended a cigarette to Henry, nimbly holding it between his fingers, but Henry turned it down. “I can’t. I promised I wouldn’t.” He had promised other things as well, like getting an appointment with his GP. As if Henry had enough time for that.

By now Tom was lighting up his cigarette. “So what now? You promised your mum you’d stop smoking, is that it? Nancy boy doesn’t want to disappoint his mum?”

“Not my mum, you blinking idiot.” It was impossible not to sound defensive. “I promised a friend.”

“A friend?”

“A girl…friend.”

“Oooh, a girlfriend. Ed, do you believe this fucker? He never tells us anything.”

Edward wriggled his eyebrows. “Is it that girl you fancy, Lizzie? Tom, he won’t say a thing but he’s mentioned her name several times.”

“Lizzie, eh?” Tom took a long drag and let it out in a silvery grey cloud. “Yes, I recall. Have you shagged her yet?”

Henry shot him a deadly, fulminating stare. “That’s none of your bloody business.”

Tom turned to Edward. “I take it as a no.”

Ed suppressed a laugh, but Henry wasn’t amused. "Why don’t you just fuck off, Tom?”

“Calm down, bruv.“ Tom raised his palms in self-defence. "I was just taking the piss. What else are friends for these days?”

Henry wouldn’t exactly call him a friend. Co-worker, associate, colleague, work fellow, ally, a little dot in his social network scheme, but certainly not friend. “I appreciate your interest in my love life. But rest assured, I know how to handle myself.”

Tom didn’t take the hint. "You’re really serious about that girl, eh?”

Henry’s best fake smile flashed through gritted teeth and squinted eyes. “Unlike some, I don’t fool around.”

Tom frowned quizzically, as if trying to decide whether that was a veiled insult or not. Thankfully François came calling before the air turned too foul. “Boys! Ed, Tom, Henri! We’re taking a group picture. Come, all of you!”

Henry had thought the party couldn’t get any worse.

__________________________________________

Lizzie, City of Westminster, 6:53 p.m.

A girl sitting by herself is always a sorry sight no matter the place, that much she had been told. Some lessons took longer to unlearn, so maybe that was why Lizzie was so restless in her seat: one minute fidgeting with the rings on her fingers, the next gripping the menu tight in her hands. It was her own fault, actually, to have chosen the local Wetherspoons to meet him. It was too familiar, too public a place to talk with him. Her anxiousness grew from a knot in her throat and spread to the tips of her toenails like a rope stretched too tight.

From her place at the table, Lizzie watched different groups of friends ordering their rounds. She tried to distract herself by inventing lives for each men. The short one with the funny hat was an architect, she decided. The loudest of them, she kept on musing, was actually the saddest, his hollering and chattering only a mask to hide his— No, it wasn’t working. Her rambling mind kept trailing back to her own doubts and worries. No, it was entirely her fault. She didn’t need to get there so early in advance. Henry was halfway across town and chances were he wouldn’t get to the pub in time.

She took another sip of her pint of cider, an overly sweet Strongbow Dark Fruit. Lizzie had never been one for drinking. She had always been too prim, too proper. A general distaste for beer and a lack of aptitude to handle hard liquor made it all too easy for her to rely solely on sugary booze. But regular cider was something a 16 year-old might pick when illegally drinking with her mates in the park. Lizzie, on the other hand, liked to think a Dark Fruit was a much classier option with its rich royal purple liquid gracing her taste buds.

She kept thinking of what Cecily had said during their last facetime session. Lizzie had volunteered to help her sister improve her grades— she vowed she could help her with anything, anything but maths. But Henry could help her with that, Lizzie reckoned. She knew he would if she asked him nicely enough. Cecily had been all too grateful for the help, but when confronted about her seeing a particular boy while still grounded, Cecily had plunged into a sullen mood.

“Whoever said I can’t see him?”

“Well, for one, mum said that.”

“Lizzie, have you thought that mum is not our boss? Do you let her rule your love life? Do you let her pick your boyfriends for you? No, I don’t think so. I’m sure you can think for yourself. So why should she have a say in who I date and who I don’t?”

That hit uncomfortably close to home. Lizzie looked down at her pint glass. She was on her second pint already. God, what was she thinking? She pushed it away while she still had a clear mind. She certainly wouldn’t like Henry to see her tipsy. It was at that moment that she saw a familiar face walking the place. Lizzie ducked her head, tried to hide her face behind the menu as she realised it was her ex-boyfriend Charles. It was a futile action though, for he had already seen her and was coming her way.

Lizzie let go of the menu, but kept her eyes focused on the ground, refusing to acknowledge him. Yet the feet planted in front of her table weren’t going anywhere, it seemed. Lizzie clutched the edge of the table and slowly raised her eyes.

“Chérie, I haven’t seen you in a long time.” His dark hair slicked to one side, a carefree smile dancing on his lips, and sporting a Paris Saint-German shirt, Charles took the chair opposite hers. “What are you doing here all by yourself?”

“I’m not by myself.” She managed to croak out. “I’m waiting for someone.” Her reply was brief, almost rude, but Lizzie had no intention to be polite with him. He surely hadn’t been considerate of her feelings when they were together.

Something like aggravation flickered in his face before he dismissed it with a scoff. “Waiting for someone? Like what, like a date?”

“Like— Well, I’m…” Was it a date? “It's— It’s Henry! I’m waiting for Henry.”

“Oh!” He chuckled, probably relieved. Lizzie couldn’t believe it had taken her so long to see how pretentious he looked with that smug smile of his. “Henry Tudor, isn’t it? We have some classes together. Your roommate.”

“He’s my former flatmate, as I’ve told you well before.” At the time of Henry’s moving out, Lizzie had repetitively whinged about it to Charles. Lizzie had always suspected he hadn’t listened to any of her grievances; now she had complete proof.

“Yes, yes, ma chérie. I’m sure you did.” Charles made a vague dismissive gesture with his hands, his tone patronising.

I am not your chérie, she thought bitterly. Lizzie wanted to erase that smile from his face, wanted to slap him to see if it went away. If she flung her pint into his face would that be enough? Would it be enough to see it dripping into his expensive football shirt?

“Anyways.” He started again, lounging too comfortably on his chair. “I don’t know why you’re still hanging out with him. Tudor is such a huge nerd.”

“Don’t talk of him like that!” She snapped. “You don’t know him.”

Charles frowned, slightly amused. Maybe she had sounded a bit too defensive. “Wow. PMS is a bitch, hein?”

Lizzie looked straight at him. She didn’t flinch from his gaze— she took all in, saw all of him. His dark eyes, his long nose, his wormy lips. She tried to find what had caught her attention before. Maybe, just maybe, it had been that overbearing sense of confidence he exuded through every pore of his being. Only now she knew it wasn’t confidence, no, it was an absurdly heightened arrogance. Suddenly she felt nothing towards him anymore. Neither love nor hate. Neither affection, nor contempt. Nothing at all.

“It was great chatting with you, Charles.” She stated with an even voice. “But I think you should leave now.”

Charles made no intention to move. “What, leave? Ma chérie, we haven’t even started.”

He moved to grab her wrist, but she pulled her hands into her lap before he could do so. "Just. Leave.”

Charles looked at a point behind her. “Tudor! We were just talking about you.”

Lizzie turned around to see a newly-arrived Henry. If he was in any way displeased by seeing Charles at her table, he didn’t show any of it. On the contrary, he looked every bit dignified. His hair was neatly combed, his button-up shirt complemented his Burberry tailored jacked wonderfully. He was wearing his contacts that day, looking every inch sharp and professional.

“Lizzie.” He greeted her with a warm smile, taking the seat beside hers to wrap an arm around her waist, going in for an open mouth kiss. For a moment Lizzie forgot they weren’t alone.

“Rôôôôh! C'est quoi ce bordel?!” Charles sounded a mixture of gobsmacked and furious.

Pulling back, Henry acted like he did not see him before. “Oh, Charles. Hello there.” Henry said simply, almost like acknowledging his presence was an afterthought.

Charles looked from Henry to Lizzie, eyes bulging. “Tu te fous de moi?”

Lizzie carefully replied, fidgeting with the hem of her skirt. “Charles, it’s been months since we—”

“You were fucking behind my back, that’s what you were doing!“

She opened her mouth to deny it, but Henry stopped her by landing a hand atop hers, ceasing her fidgeting. "Lizzie, you don’t owe him any explanation whatsoever.”

“I know, but people are looking.”

“All this time!” Charles kept raving, his accent getting thicker by the minute. “And oh my God, you were roommates!”

”Flatmates!“ Their voices corrected him in unison.

"A slut, Lizzie! That’s what you are!” Charles smacked down a hand on the table.

It was at that moment that Henry grabbed him by the shirt, pulling Charles across the table to face him. “That’s enough.” His voice was cold, perfectly controlled. “You will remove yourself from this table and quietly fuck off. Do you understand?” Charles, caught by surprise, could only stare at him. “Do you understand me?” Henry released him with a sneer. “Pauvre con.”

Charles’ face went quickly from white to purple. “Ta gueule!” He stood up, pushing his chair noisily across the floor.

The whole pub watched as Henry slowly stood up from his place. Lizzie tried to grasp his hand to stop him. “Henry, don’t.” She murmured, but Henry had already disentangled from her grip and made his way around the table.

“Ça commence a me gaver là, putain.”

“Ah carrément?” Charles scoffed, giving him a shove.

“Oui, carrément.” Henry pushed him back. Both men grabbed each other’s by the collar.

It was a matter of seconds. Lizzie rushed to get between them, struggled to pull them apart. “Stop it! Stop it! What’s wrong with you?!”

“Take that outside!” Someone shouted at them.

Why are men so bloody stupid? They were acting like she was some sort of property to be fought over. Henry had the grace to look somewhat ashamed, but Charles still looked furious. Thankfully, someone had called the security guard. “Gentlemen, I have to ask you to leave.”

“I’m leaving. He can stay.” Henry carded his fingers through his hair, putting his clothes back in order. “Come, Lizzie.” He took her by the hand, pulling her along. She managed to pick her purse and jacket before she was half-dragged to the exit door.

Charles still had some in him to bite back. “Yes, flee like the coward you are! Dégage!”

It didn’t matter what Charles could say, Henry was still the one who left the place with his arm wrapped around the girl. Henry mockingly waved to him before they crossed the door, but Lizzie could only feel her cheeks burning. She would never be able to step inside that pub again. They had just walked past the corner when she pushed Henry away. “Why did you do that?”

“Excuse me?” He was still jumpy from his altercation with Charles.

“Why did you have to make such a scene?”

“I made a scene?” He scoffed, sarcasm coming out. “Sorry, were you trying to make up with Charles back there? Did I interrupt anything?”

“You know I was not! Don’t even try to play that card. The point is you made it look like we’re a thing. We’re not a thing! We’re not even together!”

At that Henry lowered his head, as if taking a blow. He blinked for a second before replying. “Well, thanks for telling me now. When were you planning to tell me perchance? Today? Next week? Maybe after I brought you a wedding ring?”

“See, that’s not how a relationship works! You don’t get to decide what we do, what we are, before we can talk things through. Just because we kissed that one time—”

“By that one time you mean yesterday.”

“—That doesn’t mean we are together. It doesn’t mean I owe anything.”

“Owe me? What sort of nonsense is this?”

“Look, Henry.” She ran a hand through her long hair, searching for the right words. “I am not ungrateful. I thank you from the bottom of my heart for offering help when my family faced eviction. I truly do! But you don’t get to decide our relationship. I cannot repay you like that.”

“Lizzie, for God’s sake!” He rubbed his eyes. He looked tired, so so very tired. “I’m not trying to buy you!” His voice took a quiet turn then, almost tender. “Don’t you see that everything I do, I do because I care about you?”

She shook her head. “Don’t.”

“Don’t?” He looked befuddled, almost hurt.

She looked away. “Don’t come at me like that.” Don’t be soft now, or you’ll make me soft too. “What of what I want? What I think, what I feel? I’d like to have a voice in this too!”

“Of course, Lizzie! But you do!”

“I don’t want it to be like that. Like— Like I’m paying back a favour.”

“But you’re not! I’m not asking for payment!”

“It doesn’t matter, that’s what it looks like to people.”

He caught her wrists then and brought them to his chest, pulling her to him. They were both short of breath, chests heaving. He didn’t kiss her, but she almost wished him to. From that close proximity it was almost unbearable to look at him. He wasn’t wearing his glasses— there was nothing between her and his agitated eyes. They were piercing and blue, and terrible to face. “Lizzie, it’s simple.” He said, very quietly. “Do you want me or not?”

“I…” She faltered. Suddenly it was difficult to breathe.

“Stop with the mixed signals for once. Do you want me…” His voice dropped to a whisper. “Or not?”

“I…” She searched for a word, anything. “I don’t know.”

He released her then, splaying his hands like she’d just burned him. He stepped back, his expression unreadable “Henry?”

He pulled something out of his pocket and pressed it into one of her hands. She opened it to find a delicate gold necklace, a pendant in the shape of a rose carefully crafted. “What… what is this?”

“A gift. I have no use for it.”

Lizzie felt her eyes swarming with unshed tears. She looked up to find his back to her. Henry was steadily walking away. He is leaving me, the realisation struck her like a dagger. “Henry! Henry, where are you going?”

He didn’t reply. She wasn’t even sure he had listened to her. Lizzie watched as he descended the stairs to the tube station. He wasn’t going back to his flat, that much was clear. He didn’t need to take the tube for that. “Henry!” She called him one last time.

She wouldn’t run after him. Not her, not while people passing by could see her in such an undignified state. She did the right thing, so why did it feel like the worst decision she had ever made? The coldness of the night suddenly crept into her bones. She wrapped herself tight in her jacket, a shiver ran down her spine. She was left alone on that street, alone with her thoughts and the words she should never have said.

[revelingrexan]

Tags and stuuuufff

‘Eyo! Making a quick start to listing tags for my own reference, but making the post public so anyone can use ‘em to navigate my blogs. <3 (Adding links a bit at a time, too.) It’s late rn, so this’ll start (very) incomplete and I’ll add more in the future.

Also, some tags may not currently have any posts associated with them because the associated post is currently on queue, and I wanted to make a special tag for it and similar posts I may make or reblog in the future.

Sorted alphabetically. Tags may get removed or combined if I ever decide I’ve just got way too many and can’t reasonably keep track of them.

(Quick note to self: DON’T use bullet points for this extended list. They look clustered and gross with my blog theme, and using a double enter to space them out just spaces them out too much.)

* arthropod friends (reblogs) - Bugs and such! Good cuties. Or at least neato creatures. (More should be public in this tag eventually; there’s only two right now. My reblog queue stretches a couple months haha.) I’m actually a total insect/arthropod noob/newb so there may be some mis-categorized animals.

* art tips (reblogs) - Yeeup. Art tuts.

* ask answered - Peeps answer something I asked.

* beaitufl (main blog) (reblogs) - No typos here. Posts that are beautiful in a meme-like manner. I pronounce it “bay-aw-i-tuff-ull.” One of my fave tags tbh

* body horror or gore (reblogs) - As it says. NOT a trigger warning tag, though; it’s just for me, the posts that I think look especially cool with these themes. So, there may be some posts not tagged as such ‘cause, yes, I like them (I wouldn’t reblog them otherwise), but they don’t match the aesthetic I like with gore or body horror.

* christmas (reblogs) - Yeh

* cool art (reblogs)

* cool design (reblogs)

* cool fax (reblogs) - Cool facts.

* cussing (reblogs) - My only “warning” tag of any sort (at the moment?). I grew up in a weird family that was INCREDIBLY strict about swearing but lax on gore and violence and stuff, and I know other families that are similar, too, so this tag appeases myself, made for hypothetical younger-me and similar peeps looking at my blogs. But I use it way less than I should so

* cute (reblogs)

* cute buggies (reblogs) - Added much later than “cute” because gOOOSH @onenicebugperday is too wonderful and wholesome and also there are lots of cute insects anyway but I know a lot of people don’t find bugs cute so aaaaaaa

* [fandom] notable - Currently just have one “villainous notable” post (in my reblog queue while I’m making this post, iirc) but I’ll probably add more. Things that I think are especially neat or head canon-worthy.

-- villainous notable (reblogs) -- dracula notable

* faves (reblogs) - Self-explanatory <3

* funny (reblogs) - For tagging memes or funny fandom posts for fandoms I don’t post for often. If I post regularly for a fandom, the jokes and stuff won’t be labeled ‘cause I’d like the “funny” tag to be enjoyable to anyone, no matter their fandoms.

* halloween (reblogs)

* hand slipped (reblogs) - When someone says basically “whoops my hand slipped” on an art post because I love that energy. Posts with similar energy can get tagged with this, too, if I remember to do so.

* history (reblogs) - Old timey things and history-learning things. Only remembered this tag fairly recently so there’s not much on it.

* i answer

* keeper (reblogs) - Catch-all “I wanna find this later ‘cause it’s got cool or good info” post. Doesn’t fit with “reminder” ‘cause it’s not necessarily a reminder for myself on how to think or act or consider the world. Very possible there will still be quite a few posts with both “keeper” and “reminder” tags, to raise the chance I see the respective posts again. (I think I have one in my queue while making this post. Or I just like the idea and am adding it to the list for the future. Who knows lol)

* mood (reblogs) - Combined “relatable” and “relate” into this one tag. Yee.

* note (main blog) (reblogs) - I intend to have this tag usually be empty. Or at least not have much in it. It’s a “to-do” tag of sorts, but I’m casual about it and don’t worry if I don’t get to something. Might separate from “redraw possibility,” but who knows.

* note 2 (main blog) (reblogs) - For redraws or things I may want to animate in the future and similar. For sure not holding myself to anything, though. I just would like “note” to stay mostly empty. Removed “redraw possibility” as a tag and combined it with this.

* note done :3 (reblogs) - Finished a note task! I’m happy when I’m able to see I actually did stuff, like see task lists with things crossed off, so this is my equivalent. I’ve done at least a few more than what’s here ‘cause this was a tag I thought of probably a year+ after adding the “note” tags.

(Also!!! Holey MOLEY I know myself so well LOL. I forgot what my “I finished a note task” tag was, and my FIRST GUESSING SEARCH WAS CORRECT, LITTLE “:3″ EMOTICON AND ALL. I ONLY HAD ONE POST AT THE TIME TAGGED AS SUCH, AND I’D PROBABLY TAGGED IT MORE THAN A MONTH BEFORE. INCREDIBLE. I LOVE ME.)

* oh so they like like them (reblogs) - All ship stuff or stuff with people being together non-platonically. This is new (as of June 2021), so I gotta go back and tag stuff. Probably won’t find everything but that’s a’ight.

* oh that’s gay (reblogs) - GAE <3

* reblog (main blog) - For this blog since I don’t reblog much here anymore, other than gifs. Idk why I have it, exactly, but I like having it.

* reminder (main blog) (reblogs) - Reminders of things like “Hey, self, remember to not be a jerk,” “Oh crap, yeah, remember the world’s messed up about this,” or other similar things. (Different from “keeper”; “keeper” is more of a “misc. but notable” tag)

* sneks (reblogs) - snaaakes <3

* typos and stuff (reblogs) - Just to point out when I make mistakes, specifically mistakes I didn’t notice while submitting. I describe myself as a “recovering perfectionist,” so this is a silly “Heyo, reminder that mistakes get made. It’s all right <3” tag. (Usually there’s at least one mistake or aspect I’m unhappy with on each upload, but those are such a common part of life, they don’t need to be noted lol)

* villanos / villainous (main blog) (reblogs) - That exact tag, not #villainous or #villanos, but specifically “#villanos / villainous”: bilingual posts or posts where I translate Spanish Villainous content to English. (There might be some bilingual posts by other people tho :3)

Easter egg tags I only want to use impulsively and not with any particular organization:

* love love love (reblogs)

[kyloscomet]

Missing You || JDM

Summary: You haven’t seen your husband in months, due to him being away on press. After going to the spot that the two of you love the most, you get an interesting phone call.

Warnings: EXTREME FLUFF!!

Paring: Jeffrey x Female Reader

Words: 1767

Note: hello, familia! so, prettyepiic posted the gif above yesterday and I got hit with inspiration (*queue the rainbows and sparkles*). I wrote a small imagine for it, but then I was challenged to make it into a full fic so, here you are! grab your blankets and teddy bears, this one is hella fluffy! much love!

Tags: @prettyepiic 

“Umm… let me get the berrylicious iced tea. Hold on the sugar,” you asked, while digging into your purse. The cashier in front of you nodded and punched the buttons on their screen before telling you the total. The smell of coffee and cookies filled the air and the sighs of people waiting in line behind you resounded in your ears. It was lunch time in New York, and every little restaurant and coffee shop was filled with people looking to get something into their hungry bellies. This place, the Bean Boys coffee shop, was you and your husband’s favorite spot for midday treats. You remembered what he would always order. “A coffee, black, one spoon of sugar. Oh and a cake pop,” he would say, always eyeing the sprinkled ones in the glass case. You’d scoff at his obsession with them. “Jeff, you literally tasted half of one at a wedding once, and now you’re obsessed with them.” “I can’t help it,” he’d answer, chuckling, “They’re just so– oh my.” His face would light up every time that sprinkled little treat was handed to him. He swallow it in one bite, and you’d shake your head while taking your tea. He’d then take his coffee and you’d both sit at the same table, every time. The cashier looked at you as your pulled the money from your wallet, but as you handed him the cash, you saw the cake pops sitting in their glass case. You pulled out one more dollar and smiled. “Hand me one of the cake pops too.” The cashier, taking the dollar, nodded and punched it into the computer. He answered with your new total and handed you your receipt. Then he turned and took one from its case and handed it to you. “Your drink will be out shortly.” Nodding you walked over to the waiting spot. Looking down at the cake pop you wondered how Jeffrey was able to fit the full thing in his mouth every time. It was huge! You decided to give it a try. Opening your mouth as wide as you could, you took a bite. Sprinkles fell all over your shirt and frosting covered your lips. You chuckled to yourself. “Need a napkin?” You looked over to see a woman handing you a brown napkin with the name of the coffee shop spread on the front. You made an awkward smile and swallowed, taking the napkin. “Thanks,” you said. The woman nodded. “My husband is obsessed with these things and I never understood how he could fit the whole thing in his mouth with one go,” you admitted. The woman, her blue eyes becoming cheerful, released a soft laugh. “That’s funny,” she said, taking her drinks from the counter, “My husband loves their carrot cake! Every other day, like clockwork, he gets a craving for it.” You chuckled with her as your drink was the next to be served. The woman was then handed a small container holding a slice of the carrot cake. “Gotta hand this to the beast,” she joked. You laughed along with her. “Yeah, my husband is out of town so, I’m taking this one in his honor.” “Where is he?” “He’s on business,” you lied. Actually, Jeff was out doing press for the next season of his show, The Walking Dead. It was widely popular, and one thing Jeff had warned you about earlier, was how emotions with his character were still running high. He was perceived as they evil prick who murdered some of the good guys. But in full honesty, Negan was simply a man trying to survive and protect his people, no matter what it took. Very similar to his counterpart, Rick Grimes, if you said so yourself. “Aww well, I hope he comes home safely,” the woman said, nodding to her husband who was sitting in a booth. “It was nice talking to you,” she said. You returned the compliment and went your separate way, going to your favorite table. It was the one, second to the corner, along the windows. It was perfect for people watching, which you and Jeff loved to do when adult conversations were just too boring. You’d both point out the weirdos who walked down the street and laugh at the crazy things that, well, only ever happened in New York. You sat down and placed your bag on the floor, taking your phone out to place it on the table. Biting off the last of the cake pop, you slightly smiled and put the stick on a napkin next to you. You tasted the sweetness of your iced tea and felt at ease. The day was bright and sunny, but the sounds of the shop seemed to get louder. More people kept coming in and forming an even longer line then before. Sighing, you went down to your purse to pull out your headphones. You suddenly felt the table vibrate. You looked at the screen, to find your own face staring back at you, with the ID of ‘Norman Reedus’, showing at the top. Norman was FaceTiming you. You plugged in the headphones and made a face. He hasn’t ever FaceTimed you before, so maybe it was a mistake? After sticking the ear buds in your ears, you answered it. The call connected, but all you saw was a half black screen, and ceiling. “Hello?” You asked. There were voices coming through but, they were unfamiliar to you. You listened a little more carefully. “What time is it?” “Oh umm, 9:30.” “With the 3 hour difference… she’s probably at Bean Boys.” “What the fuck is Bean Boys?” It was Norman, for sure, but the other person? “You’ve never been to Bean Boys?!” said another voice in shock. It sounded like Jeff. “No–” “Oh, dude. It’s a little coffee shop by our house. There’s coffee and snacks…. They have these amazing cake pops there!” It’s Jeffery. “Cake pops?” You smirked and blushed a bit, turning up the volume on your headphones. “Yes! They’re balls of cake, frosting, and sprinkles; (Y/N) gets them for me every time we go and ugh!” Jeffrey groaned and you chuckled. You could just picture him slouching in his chair and rubbing his belly as he explained them to Norman. The phone moved and you could suddenly see Jeff, doing exactly that. He was dressed in a jean jacket and grey shirt, sporting his favorite Ford hat. You smiled, missing him very much. “Man, speaking of, I miss (Y/N),” he sighed, taking off his hat to fluff his hair. “I know, you asshole, you’ve told me 7 million times today.” “I have not,” Jeff replied, putting the hat back on and crossing his arms. “Yes, you have. Every other sentence is: I miss (Y/N)… I miss (Y/N)’s cooking… I miss (Y/N)’s blah blah blah,” Norman mocked. Jeffrey made a face. “We’re ready for you guys.” Both of them looked up at a young and spunky girl who had bright blue hair. She smiled, a piercing sticking out of her top lip. It was beautiful on her, but you cringed, thinking about how badly that had to hurt. She also had a lanyard around her neck that had a graphic card on the front reading 'SDCC Volunteer’, and a cut t-shirt that had a graphic of some band on the front. She motioned for them to follow her. Jeff and Norman stood and began walking as their conversation continued. “I love her and miss her,” Jeffrey started going, “I miss her kisses and her hugs, and I miss her hair, ohhh man her hair; it always smells so nice.” Norman groaned. “She also has this amazing smile that just leaves an impression on your brain, I can’t ever forget it.” Jeffrey then went on and on, telling Norman how much he loved and missed you. Your heart fluttered as you heard him blab over you. He made dramatic hand motions as he told memories and Norman, being the brother he said he’d be for Jeff, listened to every word. You rested your chin in the palm of your hand and smiled, your eyes almost welling with tears. You missed your cake pop loving husband. The two of them talked a little more, before someone interrupted. “Uhh, Norman want me to hold your phone while we take the pictures?” “Oh, yeah, just once sec,” he said. Suddenly, the screen brightened and Norman brought the camera to Jeffrey. His face flushed red and his eyes grew wide. “Hey,” you said, waving and laughing. Norman chuckled. Jeffrey’s hand went up in a hang 10. “Hey, baby,” he said, annoyed. Norman laughed and smiled. “I had her on here the whole time, bro!” “What do you mean the whole time?” Jeffrey asked, is face getting even redder. You laughed out loud and smiled. “It all started with the cake pops!” Norman chuckled and Jeffrey snatched the phone from him. “Give me that, you piece of shit,” he said jokingly. Jeffrey’s smile grew wide when he saw your face, and you blushed as he spoke. “You know all those things I said were true, right?” You nodded. “Of course, my love.” Jeffrey smiled and kissed the camera. “I miss you!” “I miss you too! I got a cake pop today,” you said, showing in your cakeless stick. He laughed and started to go on about how badly he wanted one, and that he refused to eat anyone else’s but Bean Boys. A few minutes went by as the two of you talked, and you could see flashes of light going off behind him. A woman came by with a makeup brush and she started powdering his cheekbones. He sighed. “Honey, I have to go, but I love you and we’ll talk as soon as I get back to the hotel. I’ll call you!” “Sounds good, hun,” you agreed, smiling. You said one last goodbye to Norman, before blowing a kiss to Jeffrey. After the call ended, you felt your heart flutter even more. You couldn’t wait to see him again! Standing to leave, you grabbed your bag. The line now was completely gone, the lunch time rush being over. The small room was now quieter and the only noise around was the air conditioner and a small radio that played in the corner of the shop, as well as a few people talking. Even the woman and her husband had left. You looked back and before leaving, looking at the counter. Taking a few steps forward and handing the cashier some money, you smiled and spoke. “One cake pop, please.”

[boltsfromabove]

why does bondy mean so much to you? he's just the guitarist

1) fight me

2) ok…. here’s my incoherent sob story since ur being condescending as hell

in the span of a year, the only dad I’d ever had died, whom I found unconscious and watched die and couldnt do anything about it cos the ambulance couldn’t find our house!! tmy mom almost died twice… and then I lost my long time best friends (after enduring emotional abuse for over a year) so basically what I’m saying is I was a mess!!

I graduated valedictorian with a 4.0. and was too depressed and consumed with anxiety to even apply for college. I felt like a failure. My whole life I’d worked to do well in school to go to college and get a career etc and I couldn’t due to my brain. I couldn’t even get a job due to my issues. by the middle of last year I was ready to throw in the towel. I couldn’t walk down a busy street without considering walking out into traffic. I thought about dying my every waking moment.

but in July I decided I’d buy a ticket to see a band I had listened to for quite a while but never invested in to just try and focus on something else and get into a better headspace. you know… like have something to look forward to I guess? Well I ended up messaging a girl on here around 2 weeks before the show because I was nervous about the show and not knowing anyone and they were coming late so we decided I’d save a spot for her and her friends and we’d queue for the rest of the day together. My friend and I fell in love with them immediately! (they are real life angels I’m js!!) and they really fucking LOVED the guitarist in the band and so we ended up barricade (for the first time ever!!) on his side and I QUICKLY ended up falling head over heels for said guitarist (and the rest of the band) too. Literally nothing I had felt in years came close to the way I felt that night. The way they made me feel. And I knew all I wanted in life was to do it again. To be in front of that fuckening guitarist again!! To hopefully meet him!! To be with my friends and make new ones who loved this guitarist and band as much as I did!! And So I did! I got tickets to another show and we all met up and did it all over again!I then met a girl named Anna on here after I commented on her teeth tag LMAO and then she roasted me for hating Caesar dressing LMAO… and we decided to start a group chat together!! I was like YO ANYONE WANNA TALK ABOUT BONDY and ppl responded and we started the group. And let me tell you, these people have changed my life for fucking ever!! I am the happiest I have ever been in my life because I fell in love with “just the guitarist”. I feel more alive and like myself than I ever have. He has led me to so many good people and has given me so many good times that I never thought I’d have or live to see that it’s unreal and u know… it’s so fucking unfair for you to call him “just the guitarist”. Watching his dumb videos and reading his stupid shitpost captions…. watching him be kind and funny to my friends…. watching him fucking kill it on stage… really… truly… nothing makes me happier! And I never thought I’d be happy again!! He means the world to me. This BAND means the world to me. The friends they’ve given me mean the world to me. I finally am starting to live the life I dreamed of living. I’m traveling and seeing shows and have friends who care about me and don’t make me feel like shit all the time! I’m getting a job soon. Oh, and I start college in the fall 😜😜😜😜 I’m just so at peace. And it’s thanks to the bonds. It never would’ve happened if he didn’t exist. I still have my struggles and it’s still very hard overcoming my anxieties… but now when I think about my life, I think it’s worth it to keep going. There’s a bondy that needs to be stanned! There’s a show I need to go to! I gotta see Anna!!!Like I obvs think he’s the Most Attractive Man Alive and I would kill a man for him to as much as breathe in my direction but there’s a lot more to my adoration, you know? He’s not just the guitarist to me.

3) fight me