#gotta slap some trigger warnings on that one lol

[bonkalore]

I always wanted to do a pic when he first got that horn broken lol Wasn’t pretty. Tried 2 versions with the eyes since I did want him conscious while it happened but he probably switched over to feral mode pretty soon after. Was an ugly fight.

Had to look it up to make sure, but horns do very much bleed and do not work like antlers. There’s nerves and veins that run into it and if it’s deep enough into that it will be messy and it will hurt.

I also am gonna say that I’m just gonna be tagging my AU for this just as “Bleeding Magic AU” bc the song Bleed Magic by IDKHOW is one of the reasons I ended up thinking more about his character in the first place and I think it just kind of fits! 😂

[ambrosialdesire]

idk if you’re comfortable with nsfw so you could ignore this if you want…

but what kinks do you think the aot men have as yanderes… 😏

lmfao anon, most of my fics are straight nsfw or have implications of nsfw in them, it's alright to send in nsfw reqs/messages haha (this is not me being mean, im saying this in a joking tone hehe) and sorry this took so dang long to post, i decided to make this my blog's anniversary post LOL

since you didn't mention anyone specific, imma do reiner, eren, levi, zeke, and jean. you already know i'm always gonna put reiner in LMAO eren and levi and jean cause i kinda already have a feel for them in yandere writings, and zeke cause idk why not lol

i'm kinda doing main kinks? 4-5 of them for each of them but idk, i'm just writing whatever works for them in my perspective even though any of the kinks can work for either one of them in certain situations lol and i'm terrible at making long headcanon lists so it's just me blabbering and trying my best to describe the scenarios 💀

NGL THIS IS PROBABLY A REALLY UNPOPULAR OPINION but i don't really like when headcanon lists are like one sentence long and they never go in depth about it or when they make each bullet point a sentence that correlates to the previous point IDK WHY IT IRKS ME SO BAD AND SOME PEOPLE MIGHT LIKE IT THAT WAY AND THAT'S FINE LOL

‘•.¸♡ ♡¸.•’'•.¸♡ ♡¸.•’'•.¸♡ ♡¸.•’

YANDERE AOT MEN'S KINKS

18+ DARK CONTENT BELOW, MINORS AND BLANK BLOGS DNI

pairing(s) : reiner x fem!reader, eren x fem!reader, levi x fem!reader, jean x fem!reader, zeke x fem!reader tags + warnings: general yandere and obsessive themes, unhealthy relationships, explicit sexual content, violent themes, dubcon/noncon implications, breeding, size kink, praise, dom/sub/switch dynamics, rough sex, edging, dacryphilia, marking, blood mention, cannibalism mention, muzzling, exhibition, voyeurism, quickies, pussy worship, forced feminization, knife kink, choking, slapping, collar/leash use, cockwarming, wax-play, forced domestication, humiliation note: please keep in mind of the tags above and do not proceed if triggering or uncomfortable, especially if you are a minor!! do not read my or any other writers' dark content if you are underaged. this is a fictional work and does not reflect irl morals, do not believe this is how a real romance works or functions.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: .☽ . :☆ﾟ.───

REINER

YOU ALREADY KNOW THE BUSINESS WITH HIM reiner's kinks are definitely anything associated with breeding. mating presses, creampies, lactation, etc. he just loves claiming that way, pushing his cum in and leaving himself plugged inside to ensure that pregnancy is in the future. you belong to him and what more to show it than giving you a child. literally whenever he has sex, it's like he goes into a rut and his mind locks in that he must breed you. then when your milk starts coming in, seeing you leak unlocks something in him that makes him absolutely feral. he finds it so attractive and will spend hours sucking on your tits, esp if you're in pain and in need to help get it sorted out. ain't that kind of him? size kink. since reiner's pretty massive (hehe), he would always adores how much smaller you are. if you're shorter than him, it gives him the feeling that he has to protect you and it gets him so hard seeing you struggle to take him all in, cockhead bulging out of your lower stomach. if you're taller than him or roughly the same height, he does anything to make you feel smaller than him, pushing you down into the bed or making you go on your hands and knees to take in his dick in your mouth. reiner wants you to be weaker than him, to be completely dependable on him and him alone. he's not completely a dom though in my eyes tbh, he's more of a switch with dom-leaning tendencies (bc he first gotta set the control he has over you as a yandere). sometimes he wants to be dominated, wants to be the one begging to put his cock inside of you, and brought to tears from how good you're using him. he's vocal as fuck too, whimpering and moaning so loudly whenever you ride him and play with his tits (CAUSE OMFG I WILL CONTINUE TO SPREAD THE IDEA EVEN MORE THAT HIS TITTIES ARE SENSITIVE AND SO SQUISHY AND PLAYABLE BRUH). he'll always have a limit to how much control you have over him during sex so don't get too cocky cause he'll take over in a snap of a finger. it doesn't matter if he was a breathless mess that had been edged for hours and just came all over his stomach, he's gonna pound you until you're the one whimpering in overstim. HUGE PRAISE KINK, he loves giving praise and receiving it. he's complete putty in your hands if you praise him, makes him feel super good about himself when you say that he's fucking you so good and he loves to feel you clench around him when he says that you look so pretty for him or that you're taking him in so well. even out of sex, he whispers sweet little compliments in your ear just to see you get all flustered about it.

his yandere tendencies come out when he catches you with other men (cacoëthes you'll always be famous TO ME), even if you don't intended to be involved with them, and bro FUCKS like he's trying to prove a point. he's pushing deep into you until his tip is pressed flushed into your cervix and biting at your neck, leaving dark marks that'll last for days to come. he's growling into your ear about how no one and i mean no one can compare to his cock and the way he fucks you. he's literally carving the shape of his dick into you so you'll never forget it. if you try and run off with another man, he wouldn't and never will amount to reiner. that's even if you can ever escape him in the first place.

‘•.¸♡ ♡¸.•’'•.¸♡ ♡¸.•’'•.¸♡ ♡¸.•’

EREN

this mf is into edging. eren loves to build you up and never let you get there, mostly because it makes you become desperate and so delirious to cum that you'd literally do anything to get there. even he goes CRAZY if he got edged for hours and he cums hard, like the shooting kind of cumming all over you. he's into that shit too, covering every inch of your skin in his warm stickiness. it's like a mark that you can't quite get rid of.

eren's a dacryphiliac, nothing gets him harder than seeing your tears stream down your face. crying because it's so good? stiff as a rock. crying because it's too much? oh my god, he's going to keep fucking you until you're a blabbering mess. he's also into that predator-prey thing, where you're desperately trying to get away from him but your stifled sobs always make it easy to find you and sooner than not, he's pounding you into the nearest surface while licking your tears off your face.

bites, hickeys, bruises, anything of the marking sort, he's into it. eren's known for being a biter, so any chance he gets and for him to be able to cum sometimes, he's sinking his teeth into your flesh. the taste of your blood makes him a little delirious (if this was the actual aot-verse, i think that he's and any other titan user that consumed a lot of human/titan blood is used to the taste (not armin cause he's only eaten bertolt i think) and it's like any other usual meal (they just have a hint of cannibalistic tendencies and you cannot take this idea away from me)). sometimes you'll have to take physical action to make him stop biting down so hard, you elbowed him hard one time when he literally wasn't letting go of your shoulder. the absolute terror that you felt when you looked into his eyes when he finally released you, your blood dripping down his mouth. it was like staring at a starving wolf in the middle of his meal.

because of this, sometimes you muzzle him. eren hates it since he likes biting you, but he's starting to like it a little more every day he gets to fuck you. bro's like a feral dog with it on, the cool metal pressing against your neck, and you could feel his drool drip down from how much he wants to sink his teeth in or because of how much your cunt is making him all hot and delirious. eren's probably the most vocal out of all of them, so you're going to be hearing every whine and groan that's coming out of him.

‘•.¸♡ ♡¸.•’'•.¸♡ ♡¸.•’'•.¸♡ ♡¸.•’

JEAN

I FEEL OUT OF ALL OF THEM, JEAN'S THE LEAST FREAKIEST 😭😭

that being said, he's into exhibition/voyeurism LMFAO like mutual masturbation kind of shit or he's in the closest watching you touch yourself while he's beating it. something about the thrill of it all gets him going, especially when he fucks you in places where you're definitely going to get caught if you don't stay quiet. the closet thing was an accident at first, he was in your room to ask you something but you weren't there and he started snooping a little too much, getting absolutely distracted that he almost barely heard you start to unlock your door. he hid in the closet, waiting for you to fall asleep but instead you started playing with yourself before you went to bed and that was the start of it all lmao AND you still don't know he keeps doing it.

quickies are jean's fucking passion, bro can fuck you in a short amount of time to make you both cum multiple times and he's a little too good at hiding the fact that the two of you just had sex from around the corner. slicking his hair back smugly while adjusting his clothes back to normal, watching your legs quiver and shake as both of your fluids drip down your thighs, it takes all his might not to fuck you once more.

pussy worshipping, he's definitely into that. he can spend hours knelt underneath you and eating you out, not caring whether his dick is begging for any sort of needed attention. i feel like out of all five of them rn, he has the number one spot of giving more to his partner than receiving it like he's absolutely locked in to please you (reiner is second bc i said so and it's totally not a biased choice 😈). even if you're crying from overstimulation, he's not gonna stop until he says he's finished eating you out.

domestication kink + forced feminization, even if you're the independent type who has a distaste for wearing skirts and dresses, he imagines there's a world where he could make you completely submissive and a dependent housewife. jean does things subtlety so he might slowly incorporate more feminine items in your routine or say something that may have you second-guess yourself, and without you even realizing, you're slowly becoming the woman he dreams of in his head. delusional king!

‘•.¸♡ ♡¸.•’'•.¸♡ ♡¸.•’'•.¸♡ ♡¸.•’

LEVI

for levi, i think isayama said one time that levi's kinda subby or sumn like that so fuck yeah i'm gonna incorporate that in a bit.

knife kink ofc, his handiwork has always been surrounding these sharp pieces of metals so how could i not add this. it's not the threatening aspect that he's into, he already knows that you know that you're always going to below him. it's the fact that he can carve his name into your fragile skin whenever he wants and you can't do anything about it, and watching the small rivulets of blood seep through makes him absolutely feral even though he doesn't admit it. idk how to really describe it until i actually write it in a fic lol

levi's definitely into choking, especially because it gives him absolute control of when you're allowed to breathe, giving up something so important just for him. he never goes pass the line where you pass out because he wants to watch you cum while you're breathless, gasping for air as you clench around him in shudders. he's seen a lot of people get choked out to death, he's even done it a few times, but he likes seeing it done the most on you. especially because you struggle to beg for him to stop, scratch up his arms like a poor little kitty cat and wriggle around in fear. levi swears nothing looks so much prettier than that.

slapping and he's damn good at it. he's slapped your face a few times to get your attention back, but he loves slapping your ass. he hits hard enough to leave his handprints, keeping you sore for days that you can't lay down or sit down right. levi bends you over his lap if you're being a brat and SMACKS until you're sobbing for him to stop but even so, he keeps on going until he feels like the punishment is enough. for being a good girl and taking his punishment so generously, he'll finger you afterwards, running his lithe fingers in-between your clit and into your dripping hole. you may say you hate it, but your pussy is saying otherwise. if you slap him, you are not walking for a week LMFAO

okay now im gonna go into subby levi hehe sometimes he doesn't want to be the one in control because his job is all about control and demanding others, so he'll let you fuck him (with limitations as well). like he'll lay in your lap and let you jerk him off as he sucks on your tits, letting you decide if you want to edge him or overstimulate him. it's a little strange at first being able to control your captain like this but you get used to it, letting him thigh-fuck you but never letting him enter your sopping pussy. sometimes he gets so irritated by being denied so often that he'll break the deal off and start taking back the reins.

levi's a collar and leash man, something about tugging it to direct your attention and getting tugged gets him going. he likes the way his name glimmers in the name tag, how pathetic you look as he sharply pulls it to make you look at him. he usually will only put it on when he's the sub, letting you pull it towards your pussy so he can eat you out. he doesn't force you to act like a dog, it's just the ownership of you that he likes.

‘•.¸♡ ♡¸.•’'•.¸♡ ♡¸.•’'•.¸♡ ♡¸.•’

ZEKE

cockwarming, cockwarming, cockwarming. this man loves to keep you plugged up whenever he's reading or smoking a few cigarettes outside. he usually cockwarms you when he wants another way for relaxing and what more than to sink into your warm and tight pussy. zeke's so fucking nonchalantly mean about it too. if you try moving off him or trying to finally cum, he smacks your thigh hard or pulls your hair back to look at him, taunting you about how you're being naughty and naughty girls don't get to cum. so he'll make you stay on him for another few hours or so, then cumming on your ass or stomach and sometimes never making you cum either as punishment.

ZEKE'S ALSO INTO BREEDING BUT LIKE A TWISTED VERSION OF IT, LET ME EXPLAIN. of course, it's canonically known that he doesn't like the reproduction of eldians and wanted the extinction of them through genetic neutering (which was fucking insane btw how he thought his plan would be able to be possible when it was eren's world to control is so funny to me 💀💀). so basically what i'm thinking is that he is so disgusted with the idea so much that he's into it. like the idea of cumming into you and filling your womb gets him so unreasonably hard and he doesn't really know himself why it does. it always happens when he sees you treating a kid so kindly that they may as well be yours and then he starts fantasizing about a homely, domestic life with you with yours and his kids running amok. he never goes through with it of course but he gets close a couple of times, so very very close.

idk ig he kinda gives wax-play vibes. seeing you blindfolded and pouring hot drips of wax on your skin or nipples, twitching in shock from the suddenness of the vague burn amuses him. sometimes he'll tie you up and leave a candle to drip all over you for a few hours and see how many times you cum over it.

zeke's definitely into humiliating you because why would you ever have any sort of pride when your place is in his bed and being his obedient fuck toy? like he makes you roleplay as his subservient maid, buying the skimpiest outfits ever in existence, taking away your underwear and making you wear a skirt that you have constantly tug down, literally anything that makes you feel shameful of yourself. but he reinforces you into liking it by praising you while he fucks you in those fits, talking about how pretty you look with your pussy out just for him and how his stupid little maid is so good at pleasing him.

[adi06lena]

Why can't it just stop?

Natasha Romanoff x autistic!tourettes!fem!reader

Summary: Y/n is having bad day with her tics so Natasha helps her

Warnings: tic, crying, cussing, i don't think there anything else but let me know if im wrong!

Translations: мамы = mamas(i love the nickname dont judge me), (french)Papillon = butterfly

word count: 3k

Y/n is autistic although I'm focusing on tics more

A/N: this is how tic attacks and tics in general are for me but everyone experiences it differently. Also the end is more focused on lovey dovey stuff and natty taking care of Y/n and less about tics

Tic attacks and random little tic I don’t notice - like my eyebrow twitching, flapping hands(that also could be happy stim for me), tapping feet, or shaking my head vigorously etc.- are very annoying a frustrating -yea I usually cry when I have a tic attack because it’s that frustrating- so I thought I’d write about it. 

My tics are usually random unless I’m under stress or doing something I don’t like -like when I wake up lol-. 

My Canadian ass decided  to put a Tim’s(you’ll understand if your Canadian)  in this lol the end is so rushed cuz it was like 3am also not edited

i wrote the last part not masking so you get to see the un masked version of me and how i act.

its so shitty im sorry 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I wake up to light shining through the blinds. I can tell this is going to be a bad day. I already feel a tic attack coming on. I turn to see Nat still sleeping. Hair sprawled out on her pillow. I gently move to lay on my back as to not wake her - it usually helps with my tics-  and bring my heels up to my butt. My feet start to bounce -the beginning of a tic attack-. Nat started to wake. I just bring my hands to my chest and try to breathe. Sometimes I can breathe through them and only tic a little. But I can't just stop a tic fully. I take deep breaths as  my feet tap, my hands only flapping a little this time. That happened a couple times. A wave of relief comes after the tics. 

I can't help the tears that fall down my cheeks. My tics are usually triggered but can also just happen. It's just so frustrating. So tiring. I don't notice Nat awake till she's wiping my tears. She kisses the side of my head.

“Bad day huh?”

All I can do is nod. Nat knows some days are harder than others and she recognizes today is one of those days.

“In bed longer natty?”

“Oh course мамы”

We only layed for another 30 minutes. Natasha brushed my fluffy hair out of my face.

“I think we gotta get up baby”

 I can't help but whine. I just want to stay in bed.

“I know мамы but we gotta eat, and I think maybe a little walk or some training can help” 

She's not wrong moving around does usually help a lot. 

“Hm? How does that sound, baby?”

I can feel my eyebrow tic.

“Your right it would probably help”

“Hold on say that again”

I can't help but giggle

“Say what? That a walk would help?”

“No before that”

I groan and hide my face in my hands. She pulls my hands to see my face.

“That you're right”

“Ahh feels nice”

I slap her on the arm. 

“Ow”

She rubs her arm. I just laugh. 

“ its not my fault i don't hear it a lot”

I look up at her

“Kinda is natty”

Now it's my turn to say ‘ow’ as she slaps my arm. I feel another big tic coming so I stop for a minute and breathe. My head shakes kinda hard. Nat just rubs my side trying to calm me down faster.

“Okay i think it's really time to get up”

I grumble out a small “okay”. Nat gets up first. 

“You wanna change now or after breakfast мамы?”

“Can we after so I can have a shower?”

“Of course baby”

Nat makes her way over to hug me. I bury my head in her chest. She just holds me and rocks side to side. I tic a little in her arms. 

She lets go and grabs my hand and leads me out the door, making our way to the kitchen

“What are we feeling for breakfast?”

She walks over to the fridge, as I move to lean against the counter.

“Can i have some fruit and a little yogurt please”

“of course babygirl”

She grabs some strawberries, kiwis and yogurt, Then makes her way beside me at the counter. I reach to the cupboard at my feet and grab a cutting board and pass it to her. She kisses the side of my head.

“Thank you мамы”

I just hum. I lean my head in my hands and let out a deep sigh. Nat moves to grab a knife and starts cutting the fruit. I grab a couple plastic bowls and start putting a little bit of yogurt in each. Nat put the knife in the sink. 

“Alright done chopping”

I push the bowls over to her. She mumbles a ‘thank you baby’ while I grab some spoons -metal for Nat and plastic for me-. I place the spoons on the table and sit down on the bench waiting for nat.

My feet start tapping again. I lean against the back of the bench and bring my knees to my chest. Ball my hands and bring those to my chest. My head starts to shake vigorously. This is a bad one. I can't help but let out little whines. I can see Nat from the corner of my eye as she quickly walks over. She puts the bowls down and sits beside me. She takes my hands and brings them to her chest. I look over at her.

“Its okay baby, im here”

After some time it finally stops. I bring my feet down to the ground and Nat lets go of my hands. I let out a deep breath. Nat caresses my cheek.

“You okay now love?”

I just nod. I can sometimes go non verbal after bigger tics for a little.

“Are you good to eat? Or do you want me to feed you?”

I shake my head no, lean forward, pick up my spoon and start eating. Nat wraps her hand around my waist and starts to eat.

I finish eating and put my dishes in the sink, I go back and sit next to Nat. I just sit until she's done. She pushes her bowl away and hugs me.

“You wanna shower now baby?”

I nod my head. I let out a surprised yelp when she picked me up to make our way to our shared room. I wrap my arms around her neck and legs around her waist. I rest my head on her chest listening to her heartbeat.

We make it to the room. She sets me down on the edge of the bed. My eyebrow twitches again. I move under her shirt with my hands around her waist. I can feel her laugh. I give a quick peck to her scar and snuggle into her more. She wraps her arms around my shoulders.

“Come on love we need to get clean”

I whine. She pulls her shirt off of me, lifts my chin up so I'm looking into her eyes.

“You can go pick out our clothes and I'll go get the bathroom ready”

“Okay natty”

She lets go and goes to the bathroom. I sigh, then stand up and make my way to the closet. I pick out sweats, t-shirt for Nat and just some joggers and one of nats oversized t-shirt for me. I make my way out of the closet and put the clothes on our bed and make my way to the bathroom. I see Nat got my favourite stuff for showers - i don't like baths because i always look and feel like a prune after- like my strawberry body wash, and my favorite shea butter shampoo and conditioner. She also got the big fluffy towels. God I love this woman. She turns around.

“After this we're gonna go for a little walk then snuggle and nap for the rest of the day”

“Yes please”

“Alright let's get in then baby” 

We both undress. Nat hops in first and turns the water on and checks the temperature. 

“Come on love”

Nat keeps the shower door open and I get in and snuggle into her chest. Natasha grabs  my shampoo and starts to wash my roots. I hum, relaxing at her touch. She quickly washes it out -as to not make my hair dry- and starts on the conditioner. She massages my scalp for a few minutes and then sections it off, twisting it out of the way. 

She starts on my body next. She grabs a washcloth and squirts some body wash on it. 

“You gotta let go of me now мамы”

I let out a deep sigh and detach from nat. My hands start to flap so I ball them up and bring them to my chest. My head starts shaking vigorously. Why can't it just stop? I'm so tired. Nat quickly wraps her arms around me so i don't slip. She rocks us back and forth. My tics seem to be getting worse. Sobs escape me. I just want it to stop.

“Make it stop natty”

I don't see it but tears escape nats eyes. My arms try to flap more but can't as they are pulled against nats chest. She just holds me tighter and I just start cussing. 

“Fuck”

“Bitch”

“Pussy”

“Fuck off”

“Stop!”

After a few more minutes they start to calm down. 

“Your okay baby, its over”

She leaves a quick peck on my forehead and Nat quickly finishes cleaning my body and then moves to wash the conditioner out -with the twists in so they don't tangle- with cold water. 

She turns off the water and leans over grabbing a towel to wrap me in. she scrunches it just above my breasts, She grabs another one and does the same for herself. She opens the shower door and we both get out. She lifts me on the counter. 

“I'll be right back love”

She left another quick peck on my forehead before leaving. I turn around a little and grab some products and a couple ponytails and put them beside me. I lean against the mirror.

Nat comes back fully dressed.

“Alright love lets get you dressed”

I sit up and Nat walks over. She puts my bra and shirt on. Then my panties and joggers. 

“Time for your hair мамы”

My arms start flapping at her words. I don't like having to do my hair.

“I know but I'll be quick. I'm just gonna do some French braids love”

“Okay natty”

Nat grabs a brush from behind me. She takes 1 of the 4 twists and grabs my detangler and starts detangling it. She's gentle and starts from the ends and works her way up. She grabs my leave in and puts that in and brushes it to spread the product. 

She finishes all the sections.

“Alright time to braid then we can go for a walk”

I nod. She starts to weave the pieces picking up new ones forming a braid on the side of my head. She finishes off the braid by tying it off with a ponytail. 

“Next one then your done”

She finished the last braid and tied it off as well. She helped me down. 

“I’m gonna grab the jackets” 

“okay natty I’ll go get shoes” 

She nods and walks over to the closet. I make my way down stairs to the front door. I see shoes -Nat has combat boots and I have air Jordan's- I sit and start putting mine on. Its hard to get the pressure even on each side so I got these cool things that make them slip ons. Nat has her combat boots so I start getting those ready for her to put on. 

She comes down just as I’m finishing. I see she has her coat on already while carrying mine. 

“Come here natty You need your shoes on” 

She chuckles and walks over. She sits and I slip the first one on, doing up the laces -I recently learned how to make a butterfly tie so I do that- and zipping it up. She watches with love in her eyes. I finish the other and stand up.

“Thanks you baby” 

“Did you like the butterfly tie?” 

Nats starts putting on my coat as we talk. My first arm goes in.

“I did my love. Where did you learn that?” 

I put my second hand in.

“I saw a video on it and Thought it was perfect” 

“Why’s that baby?”

She starts zipping up my jacket

“Well the butterfly represents undying love and I’ll love you forever so it fits”

She stands up making sure everything is done up. 

“Aw you’re sweet, thank you babygirl” 

She gives me a gentle kiss

“Can we go for a walk now natty?” 

“We sure can baby. Just wait by the door I need to get the keys and gloves”

“Okay natty” 

We part ways as she makes her way to the kitchen, and me the front door. 

I decide to wait outside. It’s snowing today so I just look at all the snow. I put my hand in my pockets. Nat comes out and locks the door behind her pocketing the keys.

“my love you needed your gloves before you come out here” 

“It’s so pretty natty I couldn’t wait” 

She just takes my hands giggling and starts putting on my gloves. There a dark red -my favourite because they remind me of natty- and does up the Velcro around my wrists. 

“Alright now that my baby’s hands won’t get cold we can go” 

I just giggle. I intertwine our gloved hands. We start our walk. 

“Where are we walking today natty?” 

“I was thinking to Tim Horton's and then back home”

I beam at that.

“Can we get candy cane hot chocolate?”

“Of course baby” 

I can’t help the goofy smile that appears on my face. 

“Yay, my favorite!” 

 Nat chuckles. We don’t talk much. Only look at the trees and the snow. 

As soon as we get close I start to run. 

“Baby stop running you’ll slip!” 

“I’m fine natty, I need to get my hot cocoa!” 

She catches up with me and grabs my waist.

“I know love, we’ll get you your hot cocoa but you gotta walk okay?”

“Okay”

Nat grabs my hand and  we walk up to the entrance. We wait in line. I focus on the TV menu. Nat kisses my temple and rubs my back as social places can be too much for me. 

“You wanna a smile cookie to baby?

“Yes please natty”

We move up the line as people get their orders. They call us to the till. 

“What can i get for you today?”

Before Nat can start i cut her off.

“Can we get 2 medium candy cane hot chocolates double cupped please?”

They put it in the system. My hands clap -happy stim-. 

“Anything else?”

Nat talks this time

“Also 2 smile cookies and that's all”

they puts that in as well.

“Okay and your total comes to 6.98, what are you paying with today ma’ma?”

I pull out my card. Nats lets me as i usually get bad anxiety about having enough money. im to excited to care right now.

“Debit please”

“Okay whenever your ready”

I quickly tap my card.

“Alright you can pick your stuff up just down there when it's ready”

We both walk down to the pick up area. Are things arrive quickly. 

“Here you go babygirl”

Nat hands me my drink and cookie. My eyebrow twitches

“Thank you natty!”

She grabs hers. We start to make our way home while sipping and snacking. It takes a little longer to get home because I get distracted by some snow and want to play for a little while. Nat just watches ‘not wanting to get cold’ - a Russian getting cold? I know crazy-. 

Nat quickly opens the door kicking the snow off her boots and taking off her gloves, I do the same. I set my drink down and take off my jacket. I sit and take off my shoes. I see Nat on the bench taking off her jacket. I scooch over to her feet and start gently under doing her combat boots. Once I'm done I put them up nicely.

Natty comes up behind me and hugs me. I giggle, which is music to nats ears.

“You wanna take a nap now?”

I turn around wrapping my arms around her waist and snuggle into her. I nod my head.

“Alright lets get you to bed then baby”

I move my hands around her neck as she grabs the back of my thighs and wraps my legs around her waist. 

She brings us to our room and sets me down on the bed. I immediately snuggle in the blankets.

“Wow replaced me already”

I just grumble making grabby hands at her. She gets in bed and I snuggle up to her. She starts to rub my back.

“I'm proud of you for today baby”

I look up and peck her lips.

“Thank you natty”

Nat kisses my forehead. I feel my eyelids getting heavy. 

“I love you natty”

“I love you too papillon”

I drift off in nats arms knowing even on my worst days she'll be there. We’re re butterflies and we fly together.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Meaning of butterfly in love(according to google):The most prevailing is its symbolism for long life. When two butterflies are seen flying together or are following each other, it represents undying love.

thank you for taking the time to read this!!

i hope you enjoyed! have a good morning/evening/night!!!

 ~Adi out <3

[natsukitakama]

Headcanon : Control feat Floch Forster

"Well since some writers claim that Floch would be rough in bed then how about smut Floch with a fem soft s/o, she’s not exactly a tease person, she’s just incredibly shy, needy and sensitive who gets embarrassed easily. I’m really curious if Floch would be rough or gentle with her if his s/o is soft and shy but when she’s naked, she gets embarrassed and cover herself"

Author note : Gotta admit I’m a little bit curious too, I mean the big boi got a huge switch energy. Like I can’t totally picture him being a 100%DOM or a 100%SUB maybe it’s just me but I feel like he is a switch a big one. I wrote a headcanon + a tiny scenario.

As usual I apologize for taking so long I hope you’ll enjoy it ♡

Also I don’t know what to do with my life anymore lol was it nasty enough ? Was it good ? I need to write more caliente headcanon I’m still insecure about it lol

Warning : NSFW / SMUT / Mention of spoil from season 4

SMUT : mention of spanking, mention of spitting, mention of rough sex, a little bit of hair pulling nothing bad

Masterlist

Sex with Floch is difficult, there’s nothing wrong with neither of you.

Since his return with Shinganshima, he kinda lost a part of him. He was never the tender one but this event surely broke what was left of his kindness.

It doesn’t mean he would act violently toward you, but he became easily frustrated and not in the good way. Meaning sometimes he will get angry easily, he tends to be violent each time someone doesn’t agree with him. He became a monster but he hasn't known that yet.

Now, he was really in love with you and knowing your personality he couldn’t really be too rough on you.

A part of him really enjoy being rough on you, knowing he was corruption you a little bit more each time he was thrusting into you. It fascinated him the way you would bend at each of his command, opening your mouth when it told you so, screaming begging when he gave you an order. Instead of being rough for the thrill of it, he was rough on you because he loves seeing you getting all red from pleasure not being able to talk because he was fucking you dumb.

Since back in Shinganshima he couldn’t control anything, he would be in control now especially in his sex life and since you were just co compliant with him. He couldn’t just leave this opportunity.

The fact that you were so shy around him even though you’ve been naked in front of him a lot of times never felt to tease him to be a little more rougher on you. Your personality just triggers his « dark instinct »

Now, we must not forget that in the beginning Floch was and would remain a switch, which mean sometimes he needs to feel you taking care of him. To put it simple Shinganshima broke him, and since no one tries to bring him back, he works on his own to not just fall apart.

Some times he needs comfort, some times he needs to be in control. Especially for sex, during a period, when he felt especially « weak » or at least fragile, he would put extra roughness on you meaning he’ll tend to bend you over a desk or anything for that matter as long as he can bend you over, moving your ass up spreading your legs widely so he could get a nice view of your ass and leg.

He might even went as far as to took a bunch of your hair and pull it so you would scream at the pain, and while your mouth would be widely open he won’t hesitate and spit into your mouth.

He also tends to put extra slapping at your ass just because he feels like it

You’re lucky that he is hitting all the good spot, cause the man is too lost on his own pleasure to even notice that well he is particularly rough. But don’t worry, you two got safe word just in case he is too lost on his feeling.

Or, when he feels cocky or just because he is tired from his works. Floch would just lay down on his bed, hands behind his head as you’re looking at him expecting to be taken by him. Then he will just narrow one of his brown eye and say « what ? You’re expecting me to take care of you ? Naah it’s not how it’s work (scuse me sir aren’t you the one who broke me last night ???) you want me y/n then take that cock cause I won’t put a single finger for you ».

But when he feels lonely or sad, or just because you feel like you needed to put him at his place. Spank him, edge him, overstimulate him, make him beg for release and that fucker would even cum harder than usual (little bastard). There’s one thing he might be against, it’s pegging, like a finger or a two why not but a whole toy in his butt ? You’ll need to be a little more convincing for this one (read : fuck him dumbs until he can’t even remember his name and he won’t even whine)

But to do that you’ll need to be extra confident with that, cause even though he is a switch don’t forget that he is most and foremost a jerk, so basically he won’t let you have his way with you easily especially if you tend to be super shy.

If you think that fucker won’t tease the hell out of you for being cocky ? You don’t know Floch.

« Well well what do we have here ??? And here I thought you were innocent Y/N »

« S-Shut up Floch »

« Make me. »

Damn brat *cough cough*

Anyway, if during foreplay or even in the « it » of the moment you felt insecure or sad, use your safe word, Floch isn’t really good at reading people and he might think you were acting extra shy as usual while in fact you were feeling bad over something. Then proceed to explain to him what’s wrong.

He is the stupid worshipper. Always like « Huh ? You think you’re ugly ? Are you stupid ? Of course you’re hot look at you ? I thought you were smarter than y/n » damn buddy it hurts coming from you. Also the dirty worshipper.

« Such a nasty hole you are y/n look at it all clutching around nothing waiting for me to fill it entirely. Fuck you’re wonderful y/n »

« Mamama look at those legs they were made to be wrapped around my hips »

« Damn it y/n you sure know how to suck a cock »

« Look at you taking my cock so well, I swear your swallow me without a blink of an eye what a good slut you are y/n »

Yeah that’s his praise

I’m sorry

He’s doing his best

So yeah he might be a switch if you’re too shy to dom him, well all he has to do his to take the leas right ?

Now if we’re focusing about your first time not just with him, like if you’re a virgin that would be another story.

A part of him want to be extra rough on you like he will corrupt you, you know ? Not really a kink of him but the thought of it got his dick hard as rock so safe to say that he is not against the idea of fucking you dumb.

But as the thought was starting to drive him crazy he realized that for a first time, knowing your personality being quite shy and embarrassed easily he might not be the best idea to just jump into you. Maybe taking your time together would be for the best, so both of you would learn about each other’s body, sweet spot, what to do or not do.

He won’t be too vanilla because that’s not how he is especially now that he joined the yeagarist, in fact his return from Shinganshima changed him into a cold man, mentally instable but somehow strong when it came to follow his belief, but still as I stated before he always needed control but also need a way to get out of his nightmare. So being rough with you in bed sound like a perfect way to escape his reality, of course it’s not healthier way but it’s work so he won’t complain.

Now that being said, even if it won’t be your first time together I can’t see him forcing you into things that make you uncomfortable. He is a dick, but he cares about you. He might try to convince you to at least give it a shot, especially if he felt that the reason that you’re refusing it’s just you being shy (even if he told in his own way that there no need to be shy round him). But he felt that something scares you, he won’t force you and won’t even bring it again.

I don’t feel like he is into gun play/ arm play for that matter, not into blood play either. He is surrounded by blood and weapons all the time, sex with you is supposed to be a safe place where he can escape his old demons so no gun for the baby.

In conclusion, the fact that you are shy angel won’t stop him for being you so it’s up to you to tell him what’s good for you or not.

I know for a shy person it’s difficult to talk about the sensitive subject but remember that communication is a key, he might be a dick and sometimes you’d feel like you can’t talk to him like he is an ass (he is but hey you love him) like he didn’t care about your opinion but that’s not true, you are important and probably the only thing that matter to him (aside from saving paradise but you includes so) so don’t be afraid.

Tiny scenario because it took me forever to post it as a compensation :

« Fuck yeah you feel amazing y/n »

For some reason today Floch was particularly generous with you, not that usually he is not. But today he felt like spoiling you. At first it started with multiple hot make-out session everytime you two were alone. Pushing you against the near wall or holding you against his firm chest, it’s like his lips couldn’t leave yours for like one minute. One of his hand was behind your neck keeping your head firmly against him as the other left for your ass to grab it. Your body was caught between his body and the wall, so all you could do was putting your arm around his neck and just enjoy his warmth as he was greedily kissing you. After all, you hadn’t got the chance to see your boyfriend for a while, to be exact after your mission in Mahr and the capture of Eren you barely caught a moment together to share a kiss. He claimed that there was nothing against you and that he was just very busy since the situation between Mahr and Paradis was still tight.

So, his little greediness was welcomed, you couldn’t help but starting to feel touch starved. You were missing him to the point that you started to wear some of his coat just to be able to catch some of his warmth. Of course you didn’t say anything about it, knowing your boyfriend you wouldn’t see the end of it. After kissing you for like the tenth time, Floch finally moved a little to be able to see you from your entirety. Lips swollen slightly open as you were taking your breath since he barley left you time to take a breath, hair a little messy for the way he was grabbing it firmly, cheeks all pink (probably because you were both embarrassed and turned on by his action). It was definitely a view that was worth it. Since his return from Mahr, Floch hasn't had time much to his dismay to mange some quality time with you, hell he couldn’t even remember the last you two has gone on a date together. Knowing the situation, and what was about to happen with the yeagarist he won’t be able to take you on a date before a long time. So he felt like he needed to take every occasion to have his way with you, kissing you, stroking your body, feeling you against him cause who knows when he’ll be able to have you close to him again ? He was starting to feel angry and eager;

Alongside, let’s be honest the yeagarist didn’t do anything to help him. All the time, he could hear them whining about some soldier who apparently wasn’t on their side, or about the fact that yeah some of them have spent a couple of days in jail. They were starting to get on his nerve, most of them were just spoiled brat who never went into hell and here they have the guts to complain about their condition ? What a shame. He started to feel his shoulder getting heavy. His muscles too were sore, his patience was slowly disappearing worst, he started to have nightmares again. It all started because he wasn’t with you, because he barely spent time with you. He needed you. He needed you right now.

« Floch a-are you okay ? Y-You keep staring at me »

« Do I ? Sorry you just looked amazing all fucked up because of him »

« I-I’m not fucked up »

« Yet. »

A race and a couple of clothes on the floor later, here you were bending over his bed. Face down with a hand firmly against your neck, ass up all good for Floch as he was grinding against you as if it would be the last time that you two would have sex. You were used to Floch being rough against you and to be honest you didn’t mind it since he was hitting all the good spot, and the way he is grunting each time you were clutching against him was music to his hear. Also the dirty talk didn’t help. But today was different, for some reason the foreplay lasts longer than usual, you noticed that Floch took extra time kissing each inch of your body, stroking everything that he might forget. He also ate you out longer than usual putting extra time to make you cum multiple time before he could even put the head of his dick in you. You didn’t mind though, it was good to be spoiled by Floch without even begging for it.

« I could spend my life between your leg y/n but now it’s time for the real fun, come on I want you on four for me. Spread those gorgeous legs of yours for me cause I can’t spend any minute without being in you »

As he was thrusting into you senseless, you felt that he was slowing down but still keeping a firm rhythm against you. Then you felt your body moving, so you could be face to him, he moved his own body too bringing your ankle around his head as your legs were now on his shoulder. The light coming from the windows highlight his toned chest and his arm muscles, his hair were a mess from all the time he put them in place. Even after getting intimate with him multiple times, getting naked in front of him was still something that embarrassed you. He knew that. So it was no surprise for you that you hear him chuckled at your state before slowing down putting your knee at your chest, so he could kiss you again for like the hundred time.

« You felt like heaven babe I’m not kidding I can die now it would be perfect. So tight and warm for me »

And then as if nothing happened, he roughly starts to thrust into you. Floch’s head was now in the crook of your neck as he was breathing heavily, your hand were now on his hair grabbing it each time he was hiding your sweet spot. His movement were kinda slow though as he was taking time to thrust deeply into you reaching whenever spot he was looking for, you swore you could feel his head on your stomach or maybe it was just you losing your mind. It didn’t help that you suddenly felt his hand between your leg touching you, stroking you, teasing you so you would approach your climax quicker than him. No doubt that Floch planned to either edge you or overstimulate you, knowing how he spoils you before, he might overstimulate you until you would be nothing but a mess.

How long would you last before loosing your mind ? That’s what Floch was about to know.

[toomanystoriessolittletime]

Lust

Summary: When August finds himself in a little town in the UK after his last meeting with Hunt he needed to lay low. And what better way to lay low than “dating” the town’s most favorite preschool teacher. Though with time he grew bored. That was until her Daughter visited them for her summer break....

Pairing: August Walker x Katherine Fraser, August Walker x Adelaide Fraser

Wordcount: 4.5k

Warnings: Step Father/ Step Daughter, Age Gap, Dom vibes, smut (Oral; male and female receiving; unprotected sex), Masturbation, Voyeurism, choking, infidelity

A/N: This has been on my mind for a while. A new take on every porn ever lol Please read the warnings. No one in this story is actually related to each other. It’s just my brain running on overdrive 

Masterlist

Taglist in reblog

“John? John, are you awake? I have to go…” Katherine didn’t want to wake him, but she knew how much he hated it when he woke up and there was no one around. A quiet sigh escaped her lips as his brows furrowed, before his blue eyes snapped open.

“What time is it?” He asked.

“It’s just after 5. I’ll be back late today.”

“Okay.” He yawned.

“My daughter will be coming from university today for her break. I told her that you would be here.”

She saw John nod while turning towards her, the bed sheet slipping just enough to make her consider calling in sick. He smirked at her, fully knowing where her mind just went.

“I’ll be here waiting. Got some work to do anyways.”

“Her name is…”

“Adelaide and she’s a little shy but you told her about me, yes. I know. Now go before I rip that dress off.” He growled seeing her grin, before she leaned down and kissed him goodbye.

It had never been August's plan to go to the UK after this… unfortunate event with Hunt. Thank fuck he got out of there before the helicopter went down. Everything was ruined. Everyone he had played for years knew who he really was. So he had to lay low. He saw that the CIA pronounced him as dead. They really should know better by now….

Meeting Katherine in a bar and her falling head over heels for him, well John, seemed to be just what he needed. Nobody would suspect the helpful new boyfriend of the town's most loveable preschool teacher to be one of the most wanted men in the world.

And he got some pussy out of it, so it really could be worse. But August was bored. Sure he now had another name and was slowly building himself a new identity to pursue his plan. But he missed the thrill. The adrenaline when he was about to pull a trigger.

Groaning he pushed himself out of bed, walking towards the shower. Maybe Adelaide would bring some kind of excitement into his currently boring life. He never had been a Step Dad before...

“Oh my god. Thank you so so much.” Adelaide ended the call.

“You got it?” Brandon asked her. She smiled as she looked at him and couldn’t help but lean over to kiss him.

“That was Mr. Grant. I got the job. I’m gonna be working for the MI6 after my graduation.”

“Fuck… That’s hot. My girlfriend is gonna be a secret Agent.” He grinned.

“That means I get to learn more ways to kick your ass.” She smirked.

“I’d like to see you try.” Brad challenged her. “We’re here. And you are sure it’s okay if I stay until the weekend?”

“I asked my mom. She’s okay with it. Her boyfriend should be home….” Adelaide said, turning her head. Her childhood home was still the only place she really felt like home in. There still was the apple tree in the front yard she had planted with her father when she was little. At least that’s what her mom told her. He had passed away when she was only five years old, and the memories seemed to face the hold she got.

“That’ her boyfriend?” Brad asked and she looked around finding a man doing push ups on the grass. He looked tall, his gray muscle shirt drenched with sweat and clinging to his back. She couldn’t see his face only the dark curly hair, clinging to his skin.

“Wow…” She gasped, letting her gaze wander over the body of the man who now knelt on the grass, giving her a perfect view of his perfect ass. He turned around and she was met with the bluest eyes she had ever seen.

“I think you’re drooling, Addy.” Brad teased making her shake her head, coming out of her trance. Was it hot in here?

“Fuck you.” She hissed. “Sure when?” He asked, making her shake her head and chuckle.

August grinned to himself as he saw the girl sitting in the car. Of course he had noticed her starring. She looked just like her mother, but younger. He felt his cock twitch only thinking about how perfect and soft her tits…

“You must be John.” His train of thoughts was interrupted as Adelaide walked over to him. He rubbed the non existent dirt from his pants before he got up.

“And you must be Adelaide. Your mother has told me so much about you.” August smiled. “Sorry. I thought you’d be here later. I was planning to take a shower and not be sweaty when I meet you.” He lied.

“Oh… Oh that’s okay. And please call me Addy.” She looked up at him.

“Do you need help getting your stuff in?” He asked.

“Oh no. Brad is gonna help. Brad?” She turned around and August allowed his eyes to wander down her body just a bit before she turned around.

A boy not older than 22, laid his arms around Adelaide’s shoulders introducing himself as Brad. Her boyfriend. For some reason August felt a rage deep inside of him as he watched him touch Adelaide. Like he owned her.

“Well… I’m gonna take a shower. You staying for lunch, Brad?” August asked.

“Actually I’m staying till monday. Her mom told us it was okay…”

“Oh. Sure. Well… I’m gonna grab something to cook for lunch after I shower, and let you two settle in.” August smiled before he turned and walked inside.

To the outside August looked like the perfect suburban boyfriend. Getting groceries and making lunch for his girlfriend's daughter and boyfriend. But August was everything but that.

The unmistakable sounds of quiet moaning reached his ears and he felt himself getting hard again. It’s not like he hadn’t touched himself in the shower thinking of just how tight Adelaide’s pussy would feel around his cock.

Quietly he walked closer to her room. The moaning got a little louder, the closer he got and he rubbed his hand over his already hard cock. They hadn’t even been home for two hours and they were already fucking. Oh to be young again... He knew she had just turned 21. He would run a full background check after lunch.

He stopped at the door feeling his pants getting uncomfortable tight as Brad moaned loudly, obviously close to finish.

“Cum with me.” August heard him whisper and Adeleaide moaned. Faster than August anticipated Brad groaned and finished and Adelaide whimpered like the worst porn actress he had ever heard.

August waited a moment then the shower at the ensuite could be heard. He was about to turn around when he heard a quiet moan again. He decided that it was now or never as he slowly turned the door knob and opened the door. Of course Adelaide startled as she saw the door opening. About to cover herself up, she saw John standing in the door, his arms crossed, his eyebrow raised. She was just about to say something when he nodded his head once towards the bathroom and then put his index finger in front of his mouth, to tell her to be quiet. Confused, she looked at him letting her eyes wander, seeing the prominent outline of his cock through his pants. She swallowed. He nodded once at her as if to challenge her and against all odds, fully knowing that this was her mothers boyfriend who was standing fully clothed in front of her, she let her legs drop open and started to touch herself.

It took all his willpower for August to not fuck her into the mattress and just stand there, watching her fingerfuck herself. The sounds she was making drove him insane. The shower went off, just when she orgasmed. Seeing her look at him, her eyes full of lust he winked once at her before he closed the door quietly. Grinning he went to the bedroom. He had to take care of his boner. And… he had to make a plan. A plan on how to fuck his girlfriends daughter without losing his girlfriend.

“John….” Katherine moaned loudly. August had her on all fours in front of her as he pumped into her. He had her hair wrapped around his hand riding her like the whore she was.

“Yes… Scream my name….” He groaned, slapping her ass again. She whimpered as her body began to shake her orgasm taking her by surprise. This was the first time since Adelaide got here that they had the house to themselves, as she dropped her boyfriend off at his house and August didn’t even wait for her to be out of the driveway as he had pressed her against the wall and his cock buried deep inside of her cunt.

“Cum inside me….” She moaned.

“Fuck…” He growled, thrusting hard as he came pumping his cum inside of her. She collapsed down into the mattress and sighed.

“That was… insane. I love it.” She turned around to lay on her back. August looked at her, smirking, before he slapped her thigh.

“Gotta use the time I can make you scream for me.” He got off the bed.

Downstairs Adelaide was sitting at the kitchen island, her panties uncomfortably damp. It was wrong. The man was her mothers boyfriend. Some would say her Step Dad. But there was something about him that seemed to consume her whole mind. She couldn’t look him in the eye ever since their first… encounter. And the worst part was that she caught herself thinking about him. Yesterday she even imagined that it John who was fucking her instead of Brad. She ignored the way he looked at her, when her mom wasn’t looking. Letting her head drop to the cold marble she groaned. She had to get out of here.

“Oh you’re back already?” She heard his voice behind her. She breathed in deep before she turned around. “Yeah just got back… Fuck….” She said with big eyes as John walked over to the fridge completely naked. He looked over his shoulder.

“Want something to drink?”

Her mouth dropped open but no words seemed to come out of it. August chuckled to himself as he saw her expression and grabbed a bottle of water before he closed the fridge and walked over to her. And she really tried to not look but he was just so…. big.

She felt the heat rising to her cheeks as he stopped in front of her.

“My eyes are up here.” He whispered, making her startle.

“I… Should go to bed.” She said, her throat dry.

“Make sure to use some ear plugs. I’m not finished with your mom yet.” He smirked down at her. “Or… don’t make too much noise, when you work your little fingers inside of that pretty cunt, hm?” He winked before he turned around and left the kitchen.

It had been almost two weeks and Adelaide was sure she would die because of the sexual tension between John and her. John didn’t make it easier for her. He seemed to know just what to do and how far he could go to drive her insane. Yesterday he had waited for her sitting on her toilet seat after she showered.

There was no denying that John wanted her. And he didn’t seem to care what her mother would think if she would find out. But Adelaide… She loved her mother. More than anything in the world. She could never betray her trust like that. But she also couldn’t stop thinking about how it would feel if John would fuck her. A real man. She loved Brad. But not once had he been able to make her cum. He had been her first and she was wondering just how much she was missing out. And gathering from the sounds her mother was making every. single. night. John knew what he was doing.

“I’ll see you in two days, Sweety.” Her mom kissed her cheek. She would be going to a conference and leaving her alone with John.

“I’ll miss you.” Adelaide smiled hugging her mom. She felt his presence beside her before his arm came down on her shoulder, making her close her eyes.

“I’ll take care of your girl, Katherine.” He smiled, leaning down to kiss her.

“You two have fun.” Katherine smiled and waved before she closed the door behind her.  Adelaide had been alone with John several times. But not with the knowledge of her mother returning in more than 48 hours. His arms still lay on her shoulder, and she couldn’t help a shiver running down her back. His fingertips caressed the skin of her upper arm. This was the first time he had been touching her at all.

“I have to take care of some business today, but should we cook dinner later?” He asked, looking down at her. He could feel her heartbeat and the softness of her skin.

“S… Sure….” Adelaide said, wetting her lips.

“Okay.” He smiled, before he let her go and walked to his office.

It was early afternoon when Adelaide couldn’t take it anymore. She only had her bathrobe on, having taken a shower earlier in hope to cool her off but it seemed to have the opposite effect. An idea had come to her mind. A very, very bad idea. She had no clue when John would be back. Pulling her drawer open she grabbed the dildo she had bought some months ago. It was bigger than Brad but probably not as big as John’s. Definitely not bigger as John’s. It had a suction cup attached to it, and Adelaide made her way towards John’s office.

It smelled like him. She left the door ajar to hear him coming home as she let her fingertips run over the massive wood desk.

This used to be her mother's office. She didn’t even know what he was doing for a living. She never asked. Though it probably would only take a little digging to find out more about him. But he had clouded her mind with the filthiest thoughts to a point, that she was even considering betraying her mother. She couldn’t think straight without her mind going to John. How he would hold her. How he would make her do whatever he wants. And how she would thank him. Sighing, she sat down on the chair. It was a simple wood chair. With the dildo still in her hand she slipped her bathrobe open, letting it fall off her shoulders. She imagined what he would do if he found her here. Would he bend her over the table? Slap her? Fuck her mouth? She whimpered at the thought. Letting the tip of her toy wander over her body, her other hand caressing her breast. She has been wet ever since he had let his fingertips brush over her arm. Getting up from the seat she attached the dildo on the seat. Spitting in her hand she rubbed it making it wet before she lined up with it and slowly sank down.

August had the groceries in a bag in one hand, his phone in the other when he got home earlier than intended. The meeting he had went to shit and it seems like the apostles needed a stronger leadership than intended. Walking to the kitchen he grabbed the scotch and filled his glass. Getting his shoes off he made his way upstairs to change his clothes when he walked past his office. He bit his lips as he saw Adelaide sitting on his chair naked, as she moved up and down. He was hard instantly. Leaning with his shoulder in the door frame he sipped his drink, watching her. She was trying to be quiet, that he noticed, but the sounds she made as she apparently rode her toy… She must be so wet.

“John….” She moaned quietly and August desperately wished it was his real name on her lips. He couldn’t take it anymore and opened the zipper of his pants.

The noise Adelaide heard made her stop and look up seeing John standing in the door. He had a glass in one of his hands, his other hand slowly pumping his hard cock.

“I…” She stammered.

“Oh… don’t let me stop you, little princess.” He smiled at her as he slowly walked closer.

“You look so beautiful. So close… Are you close to cum?” He asked. She breathed in deep before she nodded.

“Then go on.” He smiled, stopping on the other side of the desk. She looked up at him as she slowly began to ride her dildo. Unintentionally she bit her lip as she watched the drops of precum on the tip of his cock.

“Ever sucked a cock that big?” He asked. She shook her head.

“Do you want to?” He asked, a challenge in his tone.

“I… No one ever…” She shook her head, breathing in deep. “I don’t know if I can take it.”

“Oh little princess.” He walked around the desk, stopping just in front of her. “I’m gonna teach you. But you have to keep riding that toy of yours.” She swallowed, continuing to ride as he let the tip of his cock draw over her lips.

“Open up.” He whispered, bringing the glass to his lips as Adelaids parted hers. He pushed his cock in and she moaned as she tasted him.

“Fuck… Just what I needed.” He groaned, feeling her tongue. She took more of him while she was getting closer to cum. When he hit the back of her throat he moaned.

“We are going to work on that. When I’m finished with you you will take my cook balls deep in your throat…” He sighed taking another sip of his drink, before he sat the glass down.

“I really want to fuck that mouth of yours… Ready?” He asked. She didn’t get to nodd, before both of his hands framed her face as he began to fuck into her mouth. The thought alone had made her wetter than ever before in the past, but now… With John fucking her mouth…

“You’re close, little princess?” He growled. She moaned.

“Then cum.” He forced and she moaned loudly around his cock and felt herself wet the chair.

“Fuck… did you just squirt all over my chair? Fuck….” He groaned, pulling his cock out. He replaced her mouth with his hand and only moments later he released himself on her face, coating her in his cum.

Out of breath he looked down at her. He ran a finger over her face, dipping into his cum before he brought it to her lips. She sucked eagerly and he smiled. Leaving his pants open he grabbed his glass and stepped away from her.

“Clean that up before you come down. I’m making pasta with salmon.”

They hadn’t talked about what happened in his office. She had cleaned everything up, washed her face and met him downstairs for a very delicious dinner he cooked. She couldn’t put a finger on it but something seemed off about him. Well… apart from the whole wanting to fuck his girlfriends daughter thing.

Her mother had been home for almost three days now and Adelaide had taken the time to check what she could find out about John. John Walker. Sadly it was a common name and she didn’t know anything else really about him. And she couldn’t just go up to him and ask. If she would be working for the MI6 she could just run a face recognition, but that was years away.

She would be leaving in three days with mixed feelings. On the one hand she couldn’t wait to be back at university. Back into her old, boring life, without John. And also without Brad. She had ended things with him the day after the office incident. It was bad enough betraying her mother like that she couldn’t take betraying him too. She had just brushed her teeth, it was almost 2 am, when she got back to her room and had to cover her mouth, stopping the scream at finding John naked in her bed. He looked up at her, one eyebrow raised.

“You’re leaving on wednesday.” He said. She nodded.

“I’m gonna miss you, little princess.” She desperately tried to look into his face, but he was just… there. His strong arms angled, as he lay with his head on his hands. His muscular hairy chest, rising with every breath he took. Letting her gaze wander, she could see his cock resting against his stomach. Why was he always hard around her?

She took a deep breath and switched off the lights in her en suite bathroom.

“What kind of sick game are you playing, John?” She asked, walking over to her drawer, to get her sleeping clothes.

“August.” He said. She turned around.

“My name is August.” He clarified.

“Right. And I'm October.” She rolled her eyes.

“Don’t roll your eyes at me or I’ll have to punish you.” He growled. This shouldn’t have an effect on her, but it did.

“Okay. August.” She said, and somehow the name August seemed to fit better to him than John.

“What are you doing naked in my room?”

“I’m here to fuck you, little princess.” He pushed himself up from her bed and walked over to her.

“My mom is sleeping across the hall.” She whispered, afraid on being caught.

“Then you’ll have to be quiet when you cum on my cock.” He grinned. August tilted her chin up.

“No one ever made me cum but myself.” She whispered. August grabbed the hem of her shirt, slowly pulling it over her head leaving her naked in front of him.

“That’s because I haven’t fucked you.” He whispered back before he picked her up and kissed her hard. All thoughts seemed to disappear from her mind, as August lips collided with hers. Crossing her legs behind his back she let her hands wander into his hair, pulling him even closer. He lay her down on her bed, his lips wandering down her body, his hands playing with her tits. She had beautiful tits. The perfect fit for his hands. Pinching her nipple she cried out.

“Sh… Quiet.” He reminded her as he kissed himself down her body. He breathed in deep as he stopped between her legs, one of his arms holding her down while he let the fingers of his other hand softly wander over her pussy. He looked up, seeing her bite her lip.

“Let’s see how many times I can make you cum.” He whispered, before he leaned in to kiss her pussy.

No one had ever gone down on her. She desperately tried to keep herself grounded, but when August tongue dipped inside of her while his finger softly circled her clit, she exploded. Pressing her hand against her mouth to quiet her moans, she shook beneath him soaking him in her juices.

“That’s one.” August said smug, before he got up.

“Next one is on my cock.” She felt the tip as he played with her pussy.

“You gonna use a condom?” She asked.

“You’re on birth control?” He asked, she nodded.

“Well… if you’re clean, I most certainly am.”

The thought of him being the first to cum inside of her, made her shiver.

“Don’t tell me no one filled that little cunt yet?!” He asked. He pushed the tip in making her bite her lip. She only shook her head as he pushed deeper. She felt his fingers on her clit.

“Fuck that’s so fucking hot.” He groaned. They both sighed when he was balls deep.

“Such a tight warm pussy…” He bottomed out only to slam back in her eyes rolling back.

“August….” She whimpered and his name, his real name coming off her lips, seemed to shortcut his brain. He began to slam into her, his hands slapping her tits. She already was a sobbing mess and he only just started. He began to roll her clit, wanting to make her cum again.

“I’m close… Fuck i’m so close.” She whimpered, meeting his thrusts. One of his hands wandered up her body grabbing her neck, before he slowly choked her. He felt her tighten around his cock, as her eyes rolled back and she whimpered her orgasm washing over her. Adelaide didn’t care if she would rot in hell for what she was doing if August was already fucking her like the devil. She was shaking so hard she didn’t notice August pull out and turn her around so she was on her knees. Pushing her upper body into the mattress, she slammed back into her pussy and fucked her like his life depended on it. Grabbing her hair he pulled her towards him, making her cry out.

“This pussy belongs to me now.” He whispered against her ear, as he pumped into her.

“I will be the one you think about from now on whenever anyone is fucking you. God… If we had more time, I’d fill that pretty ass of yours too.” She whimpered at the thought alone and heard him chuckle.

“You like that idea?” She only moaned in response feeling her next orgasm approaching.

“I’m close little princess. Are you gonna cum for me again?” He let go of her hair, both of his hands grabbing her tits as he fucked into her from behind. August pinched her nipple and she came again. Breathing rapidly she opened her mouth in a silent cry as August fucked her through her orgasm.

“Fuck… Fuck I’m gonna cum.” He groaned against her ear, and she felt him swell and twitch as he pumped his cum deep inside of her. It was a weird feeling, but she loved it. He breathed hard, dropping his head against her shoulder.

“I really am gonna miss you little princess.”

“Me too, August.” She whispered. Me too.

3 years later

“There is a high level suspect in room 3. I want you to go in with Agent Christian and observe.”

“Understood.” Adelaide said. She smiled at Agent Christian who opened the door for her. She looked at the man sitting chained to the table and she had to remind herself on how to breathe.

“Mr. Walker.” Agent Christian said. August looked up at the man before his eyes fell on the woman who was sitting down at the table beside the man. He hid his surprise, but he couldn’t hold back his grin.

“Well if that isn’t a sight for sore eyes.” He grinned at Adelaide. The Agent looked at Adelaide before he looked at August again, giving Adelaide a second to gather her thoughts.

“Shall we start?” August asked, finally looking away from her.

“August Walker, I’m Agent Christian and this is Agent Fraser.”

“Fraser… I once had a girlfriend with the Surname Fraser....” August smirked.

[captainsimagines]

To Topple A Giant || Chapter Two

Summary: You had made it your mission to destroy even the smallest evils. When the opportunity arises to finally take down your own family after years of gaining their trust, you reach for it. And so does Steve, the man who represents a symbol of everything you hate.

Pairing(s): Steve Rogers x Reader || Avengers x Reader

Part 2 of 10 ~ Mini-Series

Warnings: This story contains mature themes and discussions such as extreme canon violence, strong language, emotional angst, mentions of Endgame deaths and recoveries, sexual situations, and emotional/physical abuse. All trigger warnings will be listed before the chapter. This is purely fanfiction. 

Warnings in this chapter: brief reference/hint to past sexual assault. 

Word Count: 7,500+

A/N: Thank you so much for your excitement about this series! I always smile when I read your comments. Sorry for such a long chapter, but it’s only ten parts and I gotta fit all somewhere lol

~

Unknown Location, 2015, 10:46pm

     The tightness of the rope wrapped around your wrists was excruciating, each movement causing it to rub against the already damaged skin, leaving more angry, red marks. You whipped your head back and forth, anger and fear coursing through your veins as you stared your father down. You watched as he carefully maneuvered his way around the room, every back straightening as he walked past them, every gun cocked and pointed right at you. Your nose twitched up as he walked closer, inspecting the ropes tying your feet to the chair and so on. You accumulated all the spit you could and aimed it for his face, pride washing over you as it hit him perfectly. But as quickly as that pride built, it shattered, a stinging sensation on your cheek now overpowering any other sense. 

“You cost me ten million.”

You bit back a laugh, careful not to let it slip as you did not want another beating. “I did what I had to do. You would have done the same!”

“Don’t tell me what I would have done!”

You flinched inwardly, your face still blushing with growing madness. If only you could loosen these bonds… 

“You will know to not mess up again.”

And as your father left the room, the men lined up against the wall finally let their shoulders fall forward, their once blank faces now donning sadistic smiles.

The Compound, 2018, 2:07am 

You sat up from your mound of pillows, kicking them to the side as well as the heavy blanket. Your ears rang impossibly loud, and it wasn’t until your feet touched your bedroom floor that you could hear yourself screaming. Your body was drenched in sweat, sliding easily on your wood floor as you kicked to escape the blanket. 

Sharp knocks against your door startled you, sudden ‘please, don’t!’’s escaping your mouth. Hyperventilating was always tiring, you thought, and the air was now super cold as you sucked it into your lungs.

“Doll, please? I’m coming in.”

The light from the hallway blinded you so you lifted your arm up as a temporary shield. 

“No, no! I’m good… I didn’t lose it. Please, trust me!”

“Y/N…”

You lowered your arm and stared at your nighttime intruder, instincts kicking in upon settling your teary eyes on him and causing you to groan in displeasure. 

“Don’t look at me.”

“Y/N.”

“I said don’t look at me.”

Steve sighed in defeat and walked back to your door. You thought he was going to simply leave you be, letting you ride out this panic attack alone like all the others. But he shut the door and made his way over to your couch on the other side of the room, plopping himself down and leaning his sleepy head in his right hand. It had been six months since the world literally fell apart, an unknown feeling of terror that simply sat at the pit of stomachs eating away at whatever sanity its host still had, plaguing the world. Tiredness was second nature, never actually reducing its power no matter how much sleep one got. But leaving you here to suffer each individual thread being pulled from your remaining sanity, alone, wasn’t an option. 

“Why are you staying?”

“I have nightmares, too. You aren’t that special.”

You rolled your eyes, hands now massaging your aching chest. “It wasn’t anything.”

“Y/N, you were screaming for help.”

“I scream for a lot of things.”

You figured Steve would succumb to his growing annoyance, but he stayed patient. 

“Was it about…?”

You sighed and pulled yourself up to your feet, knees wobbly and thighs alerting you of the droplets of sweat that beaded down your legs. “No. I don’t dream about the snap.”

“Do you want to talk about it?”

You let out a rather angry sigh. You were now rubbing your eyes, cleaning them of the accumulation of hard mucus. “I seriously don’t want to talk about this particular incident.”

Steve huffed through his nose and you were ready to pounce on him to tear that beard from his face, but stopped when you saw his small smile and genuine empathy in his eyes. “Okay, I won’t push you.”

You just stared at him, eyes wide and confused. But you nodded slowly, eyes now diverting to the blanket below you. 

“I’m just so fucking happy the snap took my father.”

Steve’s lifted his head quickly by your abrupt confession, eyebrows furrowed and lips frozen, as if wrapped around a lost word he couldn’t verbally address. He understood, but it shocked him nonetheless.

He ignored it, or at least chose to avoid an immediate discussion about it, and stood from your couch. 

“Are you going to be okay?”

You wanted to throw him out. Him being across the room and near the wall was starting to trigger more flashbacks. 

It’s Steve. It’s just Steve.

“Can you stay?”

Steve stumbled slightly in his step, clearly uncomfortable with your request. But he was a good man and when one of his teammates needed help, he would do whatever he could. And you were one of the only teammates he had left. 

“Okay,” he said. But as he made his way back to the couch and away from you, sudden racks of itchiness stretched from your wrists to the middle of your chest. You stumbled from the bed, arms extended outward as if you were still shielding yourself from some incoming attack. 

“No, no! Just…”

Steve watched your movements carefully, trying to discern between fear or awkwardness. He sighed and let you see his hands, turning them over in the air.

“It’s me. Tell me where you want me.”

You were in control. Just tell him where you want him. 

“I’ll lay here,” you started, getting back into the right side of the bed and pulling the covers up to your hips. “You there, but upside down.”

Steve chuckled and followed your commands. You watched him walk, feeling the dip of your mattress as his heavy body lay down. You were grateful when his sock-covered feet touched your left side pillow, his chuckles gaining volume as he tried to get comfortable. 

“Do I at least get a blanket?”

“Oh!” you leapt from the bed and to the closet.  He listened to your soft pitter-patter as you shuffled across the cold floor, shutting his eyes to relish in the childish melody. You passed Steve two heavy blankets, mindful of the cold weather outside. Then you climbed back into bed, passing Steve a few pillows, and snuggling back into your own. 

A few shifts of the blankets made you open your eyes again. Steve was not as stiff as you expected him to be - almost like he wanted to help you - and you mentally slapped yourself remembering that he would do this for Bucky. 

“Steve?”

“Hmm?”

You took solace in the fact that he couldn’t see the tiny grin on your face. “Thank you.”

Steve smiled up at the ceiling, thankful that he could still help others even when he himself was falling apart. “You’re welcome.”

Present Day, 2025, 9:45am

     If anyone were to truly study Steve, they would see he was starting to act his age. He enjoyed fluffy socks, tea instead of coffee, sketching in the secluded garden of the new compound - anything a man pushing a hundred would truly enjoy. And he found himself shaving less, watching every new movie released regardless of genre, and eating much more oatmeal than usual. He remembers how whenever Bucky had saved up just enough for them to splurge on items they never usually indulged in, oatmeal would always be his go to. It was still a common ‘peasant’ meal for the two young bachelors, but Bucky would heat it up with fresh milk he had bought that morning, added the fresh strawberries and dates that were in season, and sprinkled brown sugar - damn, Steve loved brown sugar - on top. Bucky would place the bowl in front of Steve, ignoring Steve’s constant blabbering about ‘Buck, we can’t afford this’, or ‘you don’t need to spend your hard-earned money on me, you jerk’. But he would quickly shut up once Bucky’s perfected oatmeal recipe landed on his eager tongue and filled his happy stomach. Regardless of those past memories of young roommates searching for loose change in their couch and more recent ones of two reunited best friends sharing looks of awe whenever they saw how much milk and brown sugar now costs, Steve was certain the old man in him was just barely emerging. 

He definitely didn’t skip the irritated attitude phase every old man seemed to develop as the years passed, his resting facial expressions and movements starting to match those of his best friend. Grumpy, tired all the time regardless of the serum, and asking each other instead of the modern people around them how to work their phones. All he wanted to do was crawl into bed, or go on a jog, or watch a movie - anything - rather than having to give a briefing about something he hadn’t had to think about for seven years. And although he had the chance to use the stones before and didn’t, Steve couldn’t quite help wishing that he was transported back to his and Bucky’s old and crumbling apartment, fighting over that one knitted blanket Bucky had bought for the both of them with his last dime.

You seemed happier with your whole family situation after the snap, but he never wanted to ask. Whether you were putting on a brave face for him, he was rid of it momentarily only to be pushed into the chaos all over again. But this time was different because you were finally going to end it all. Finish what you had started all those years ago - then maybe Steve could take that afternoon nap he wanted.     

“Talk to me. How are we doing this?”

Fury pulled up a screen with all the photos and biographies, essentially a powerpoint prepared by both you and Steve. 

“I’ll do whatever you ask of me, sir. But I know my family and their schemes better than anyone,” you said. Fury knew this was true and the plan would ultimately be mapped out by you. His input was always welcome, but you knew the small details - their personalities, their weaknesses, their strengths, even the way they took their coffee. You even knew which of them sampled their product before sending it off on a cross-country road trip. 

Steve stood beside the monitor, using this finger to change the screen. “So, we’re looking for our physical proof. A paper trail detailing land and their product, contacts, storage units, aliases - the works.”

You nodded at Fury and your teammates. “Exactly. The hardest things to obtain will most definitely be evidence about my father’s involvement. Proof he gave the orders and profited from them.”

“Your word isn’t enough?” Sam asked.

“No, not unless I throw myself under the bus as well. It’s his word against mine unless I can prove these things were all his doing,” you responded, taking a sip from your water. 

The only other people in the briefing room besides Steve and Fury were Sam, Bucky and Scott. Everyone else would get a brief overview later on this week, but these three were specifically chosen by Fury to help aid you in the actual physical fight. 

“The wedding is the perfect distraction,” Scott spoke. “Almost like this was made for a heist.”

Steve released a heavy sigh, his patience already wearing thin. “Not a heist.”

“Close enough,” Scott shrugged, gaining a grin from you across the table. He smiled at your reaction and sent you a wink. 

“Agent, we have to go over the basics and any new information you can provide,” Fury encouraged.

You motioned toward Steve to bring up the photos on the monitor, “Let’s start with the basics.”

Steve took over for the first portion of your presentation. You didn’t mind - in fact, the more control he had in this would certainly help ease his mind and you definitely did not want a stressed out Steve Rogers accompanying you on a twelve hour road trip. 

“Ernesto Vega, father of Y/N Y/L/N, born 1950 in Guadalajara, Mexico, but because of the snap, the 80 year old is still only 75.”

“Damn, your father is old!”

You laughed at Sam’s outburst, “Yup, and I got like ten half-siblings.”

Sam sat up straighter, “No way?”

“Way.”

“Daniel Seda,” Steve continued, his voice louder. “Vega’s second in command, born 1970, currently 55 years old. Took over as top commander after the snap, and according to Y/N he didn’t take it well when everyone was brought back.”

“Hmm, threatened to put another bullet in me,” you teased, pointing at your stomach where the scar underneath your shirt had already long healed. You could have sworn you heard Steve’s breath hitch, but even if it did, he had quickly covered it by swiping the monitor. 

“But her father saw this as proof of loyalty. Because no matter how much he knows Y/N hates him, she still brought him back.”

You lifted your shoulders, arms in the air as if imitating the nonverbal form of ‘oh, well!’, and your thin smile caused your cheeks to pop out comically.

“So, Seda hates you?” Bucky asked, chuckles still vibrating in his chest from your previous childish movements.

You brushed your hand through the air, “Not the first man to hate me and not the last.”

Steve snickered. You could say that again.

“The wedding will be held at Vega’s personal and private ten-acre ranch in Northern California-”

“A lovely fall wedding!”

Steve bit his tongue, eyes never leaving the monitor. “Sure… and it’s perfect. He’s wanted and he’s going to be on U.S soil.”

You stood from your chair and grabbed the electronic marker from the desk. You circled the main points of entry plus the directions of secret exits hoping to emphasize the ‘private’ part of Steve’s statement. “And since it’s his most private getaway and no one would suspect he would hide important shit on said U.S soil, I’m about ninety-eight percent sure our proof is there.”

You pulled up the blueprints and marked a giant ‘X’ on the farthest corner room in the west end. It was your father’s office. 

“Ninety-eight?” Sam asked, reviewing the printed blueprints himself.

You twirled the marker between your fingers, “My dad is clever. My other two percent is telling me there’s no evidence at all.”

Scott clutched his chest in relief, “Okay, at least one outweighs the other.”

You shared another laugh with the ‘regular-sized man’.

Steve continued listing the basics, all while Fury sat toward the edge of the long table reviewing the screen. “The other two big names in the drug game are Omar Ramirez and Marcus White. Ramirez runs most things from Mexico City to San Antonio, Texas and he’s probably the least evil of them all. White runs Europe, specifically Germany and England.”

You interjected, “Ramirez focuses on the product. He orders his men to focus on the business instead of the outside world - meaning, no unnecessary kills, no violence toward women and children, no killing cops or citizens. Just producing and transporting.”

Almost forgetting he was there, Fury’s voice somewhat startled you. “Vega has lost men to Ramirez, men who wanted a change in scenery.”

You nodded in confirmation, “They aren’t necessarily enemies but they’re no besties either.”

Sam rolled the blueprints back up and handed them to Bucky. “So, we’re taking them all down?”

“The big three. Plus Seda,” Steve declared, finally taking his first sip of water in what felt like forever. If he didn’t want anyone to know he was nervous about this mission, he was for sure failing. 

You hummed, “Vega and Seda are also the only ones who know of Steve’s involvement.”

“How’d that happen?” Bucky asked.

“Because Steve only ‘transports’ my father’s product. Not the others. Steve’s role is essentially to green light the passages and is my main pull,” you clarified. 

It was true - Steve didn’t do or touch anything. And you thought this best considering he was America’s golden boy - you couldn’t possibly bear real involvement from him. This wasn’t his world and never should have been but it was yours. 

You dealt with people directly. You took out the snitches. You handled the product during inspections. You did it all - and not because you thought Steve was some fragile soul who couldn’t achieve the same results - but because you brought him into that mess during a time in his life when he definitely didn’t need it.

“But how did it happen?”

You shrugged, hoping your answer would suffice for the rest of the group as it never does for Steve. “When I first started out as a field agent, my father didn’t trust I was doing it for him. The more I promoted, the more suspicious he got. It wasn’t until we exposed SHIELD as half-HYDRA that he was done with me.”

Fury interjected once again, “So, Y/L/N here had to pull rank out of her ass.”

You snorted, “Thanks, Fury. That sounded nice.”

“I told them that I had the literal symbol of America by my side. That defeating HYDRA was only to get his friend back, not to save the world. Plus, I told them that HYDRA was targeting all of them. And once I could get proof - a forged recording made by Fury before he went into hiding - well, it was like the greatest example of submission.”

“Why didn’t you say Tony?” 

That certainly was a question Steve always had and wanted answered. God, he really hoped you had said Tony.

“Because I got the literal symbol of America as a partner-in-crime. My father almost told me he loved me... almost.”

You sat back down in your chair, a tiny puff of air escaping your lips. “And that made Seda furious. I may hate my father, but Seda is the main threat to blowing this whole operation.”

If anything, you wanted your father deader than dirt, silenced by the one child he always regretted bringing into the world. He had tortured you in more ways than you thought possible. 

      “Now, I thought my dad was bad.”

You fell back onto the couch before retrieving your cup of coffee you had placed on the table. Nebula gave you a tiny chuckle in return. 

 “Yes, mine has eradicated half the universe. I win ‘worst father’.”

You sipped your coffee, trying and failing to block out the banter between Rocket and Tony as they discussed the location of the space stone. “You know, I wouldn’t have put it past him.”

Nebula chewed her dinner slowly, listening to you ramble on about anything that popped into your mind. She knew this was your coping mechanism - to just keep talking until someone shut you up. But she enjoyed it, really, because you spoke of topics that she didn’t quite understand or know about. She learned something new everyday simply by listening to you. 

“I should have thanked Thanos for dusting his ass, though.”

Nebula stopped mid-chew, blank expression but the hint of a twitch in her lip visible.

“I’m joking.”

You had asked her once why Thanos had spared her and Tony when he snapped his fingers. But Nebula had no rational answer, only responding that he must have spared her out of last minute pity and Tony to live through the consequences. And the tiny voice inside your head knocked again, reminding you that ‘maybe this snap was overall a good thing - your father can’t hurt you anymore!’, but you shut it up as quickly as it came. 

“So, how many planets are there in the universe, really?”

     Fury began piling files in one folder, making sure to hand out the sheet with names and contact numbers of agents stationed close to the venue and your chosen hotel.  

“We’ll get into mission specifics at a later date once Rogers and Y/L/N are settled and scope out the place. For now, study up on your targets and perfect your acting skills.”

     You assumed you would only need one big suitcase for the trip, only packing essentials and extra shirts just in case. You rolled your clothes tightly, securing your signature perfume and some jewelry inside some sweaters. You hid identifiable items in the small compartments - your passport, journal, old SHIELD tag, driver’s license, etc. It was the paranoid side of you taking over, the possibility of having your cover blown likely and frightening. The amount of times you had ventured into the general vicinity of your father and his crew always proved safer than you expected. But there could always be that day he simply didn’t want you around anymore. 

So, you prepared in the smallest and even cringiest ways possible - resorting to drafting letters for those you wanted to remember you after you had been taken out. You paused your packing to grab your spare journal. You spent a good hour writing. A letter to Wanda, to Bucky, to Peter, to Rhodey, to Sam. Some were shorter than others - others extending to over two pages. But your mind was racing with things you hoped they would never have to read, scattered thoughts and only hints of identifiable wit penned on paper.

You tucked the letters behind the fabric you had recently ripped open. You planned on duct-taping the rip, your eyes drifting back over to your journal. You tapped your foot rapidly for a few seconds, fingers twisting in anticipation, mind still clear enough to draft one more. You quickly picked the pen right back up, sitting on the edge of your bed and starting the letter you might regret later. But at that moment, with the horrible prospect of dying on this mission, you wrote. 

     ‘Steve,

     Believe when I say that I was so sure I would put a bullet in my father before he could. Whoops…’

You wrote and wrote until your handwriting grew sloppy at the edge of the paper, and signed it. You tucked the final letter into the hole and taped it shut. You really hoped you would be able to survive and burn those written words later. 

A soft knock sounded from across the room and your bedroom door opened to reveal Steve, light blue dress shirt tucked into his jeans like the old man he truly was. You couldn’t help but grin at that, cursing your involuntary actions for this man. 

“Hey.”

“Hey.”

“You doing okay?” you asked, continuing to fold clothing into your suitcase. He leaned against your door, hesitant. Steve often wondered why and how he could go days, weeks - one time even a whole month - without speaking to or seeing you. He was an expert at one word answers by now, opting to always have someone else around whenever he seriously had to carry a conversation with you. But what struck him the most was that you didn’t seem to care anymore. He witnessed the change - hell, he was the one that caused it - but it was a change that he both wanted and didn’t. How was it so easy for you?

“Of course, why wouldn’t I be?” he responded and walked over to your couch to sit. 

You cleared your throat, hoping to make this conversation the least awkward you could. “Because this was literally sprung on both of us after almost ten years of waiting.”

“I’m okay.”

You accepted his answer. He looked comfortable enough, shoulders relaxed and genuinely interested. There was a part of you that wanted to rush over and shake him, yell at him for being so clueless and fake at the same time. There was no possible way he was fully okay with everything - he hadn’t been himself since the snap, and when Natasha and Tony died, he was someone else entirely. You had brought it up with Bucky several times, but he assured you that Steve was just dealing with things his own way. That he was still a man out of time, they both were, and battle after battle could take its toll. And Bucky would hype their therapist up, that they were the reason he and Steve are able to walk in public without that constant voice warning of danger in the back of their heads, and that you should schedule a visit sometime. You always declined, asking him to call you if he truly needed another person to talk to. He would smile, taking you up on your offer whenever a day was particularly triggering.

“I’ve been waiting for this day since I was sixteen. Ten years really just flew by… considering.”

Steve nodded, “Is there anything I should know?”

You hummed, “If you mean things about my family, then I’ll just tell you on the way there or at the hotel.”

He chuckled and stood to lean against your bedpost. “No, I mean like, what should I pack just in case?”

You rolled your eyes and laughed at such an innocent question, “Um, comfy socks. It’s pretty cold in California in the winter. Gas money, it’s pretty fucking expensive, too.”

He smiled, “Good to know.”

The two of you packed in silence for several minutes. Steve helped you roll your clothes and gather your toiletries, even asking you if you wanted to bring your current toothbrush or the new one in your bottom drawer. 

You knew you shouldn’t have spoken about the topic burning in your throat, but you felt like you had to say something. If you mentioned it during the mission, you risked a larger argument than the one you would get now. So you formulated your next sentence carefully, already bracing for impact as it slipped.

“Look, the elephant in the room should be addressed. Once my father’s dealt with, I have no reason to stay here.”

Steve clipped the belt over the top of your clothes, securing the items tightly. He seemed disoriented, your sudden proclamation startling him. “What do you mean? You did the work, you trained, you helped us literally save the world.”

You shrugged and kept your voice light, “Yeah, but I started this gig when I was sixteen. I didn’t join the Avengers until I was freshly in my twenties. I’ve literally known nothing else but fighting.”

Steve sat at the edge of your bed, furrowed eyebrows and all as he chose his next words. He felt both angry and sad, a mixture of feelings that he never quite grew accustomed to whenever he was around you. They ate away at him slowly, creeping into his brain to wrap around his common sense, his sense of self, the man he was before the snap. 

“Are you saying you just need a break?”

“I think,” you shrugged, zipping the suitcase and tugging its weight off your bed and onto the floor. 

“What about Wanda and Bucky?”

You scrunched your face in amused confusion, a playful smile resting on your lips, “I’m not falling off the face of the Earth, Steve. I’ll visit or something.”

“Or something.”

He stood and walked back to your couch, restless and even more stressed than he was before he entered your room. 

“Steve, we lost so much. It’s been two years since we brought everyone back, but… it took its toll.”

He snapped his head up, “You don’t need to tell me about shit taking its toll.”

You felt like you stared at him for several minutes, anger bubbling in the pit of your stomach and traveling up your throat. That familiar lump constricting your airway as you forced yourself to swallow it and the forming tears. And once again, your mouth spoke before your mind could approve.      

“Why didn’t you use the stones for yourself?”

Steve sat, shocked into silence temporarily. “What?”

“When you and Carol put the stones back - why didn’t you stay somewhere you really wanted to be?”

You remember watching him step onto the platform holding the briefcase of infinity stones and holding Mjollnir, - because of fucking course he could wield Mjollnir, he was a good man even if you were on his bad side - simply minding his own business and waiting for Carol to join him. You remember thinking he would return with a different story, only after he got some of that life Tony had always encouraged him to find, that he would go back to Peggy and live the life he always wanted. But as quickly as they disappeared into thousands of timelines did they reappear, Carol joyful and content while Steve trailed behind her. Your heart had pounded erratically, Bucky looking at you with wide eyes because yes, I thought he would do exactly what you were thinking, too. 

“None of your business.”

“I’m not trying to pry-” you reasoned, but Steve stepped toward you with flushed cheeks and a cracked voice. 

“But all you do is pry, pry, pry. God, do you ever just shut up?”

All you could hear behind the ringing of your ears were Steve’s quick breaths, slowing as each second passed and he realized what he had said. A moment of weakness, in his opinion, but still uncalled for. 

“Pack some snacks for the road and get out of my room.”

Steve straightened his back, eyes practically yelling for you to look at him again, pleading for you to see the remorse swimming in them. But you just tugged your suitcase to the corner of your room, ignoring him completely. “Gladly.”

     You and Steve were mature enough to keep your arguments at least a hundred miles away from any mission you were conducting or when around your friends. A quick quarrel in the morning was basically nonexistent a few hours later when the whole group suggested a board game or movie night. Although this impromptu road trip would be the slightest bit awkward, you two were smart enough to not compromise the mission. 

And you had to drive as flying and airport security was too risky, especially with the amount of weapons attached to your body and in the trunk of that rented car. 

“Call us when you hit the first checkpoint. After that, we’ll be monitoring your hotel check-in and any new ones, police reports filed throughout that week, anything that directly involves your stay,” Bucky said, handing you a burner phone. 

You stepped forward to hug him. “Thank you, Bucky.”

He gave you a tight squeeze, releasing you slightly to whisper in your ear. “Try not to kill him for the next twelve hours, will ya?”

You pulled away and gave him your best grin, bumping your bracelet with his. “You know I can’t promise that, Bucky.”

He rolled his eyes, “You kill him, I kill you.”

“Ugh, don’t tease me.” Bucky almost burst out laughing from the fake, pornographic moan you let out because of his threat. 

“No, but seriously - just… lay low, trust each other, and we’ll be there in the next few days.”

You slid the burner into your sweater pocket and patted it, checking if it was secure. You waved goodbye to Bucky and pulled the passenger door open. You blew him a kiss, red lipstick now on your fingers. “Can’t wait to see you!”

Bucky stood with his hands shoved into his pockets, an embarrassed but happy smile on his face. He caught the floating kiss mid-air. “Already miss you!”

“Stop, I’m blushing!” you teased, your left hand resting palm up on your forehead in an exaggerated manner. 

“Go!”

You obliged, falling into the passenger seat and clicking your seatbelt. 

Twenty minutes into the drive and Steve finally decided to speak. 

“So, you and Bucky?”

You giggled, thumbs currently flying over your phone screen as you tried to beat your high score in some awful video game you discovered last week. “Yup, I got him wrapped around my finger.”

Steve’s hand fidgeted on the steering wheel, “Seriously?”

You closed out your video game, “No, Steve. It’s mindless flirting. He’s one of my best friends.”

“Ahh…” he nodded in understanding, a lazy smile resting on his face. He focused on both the road and you, your head leaning against the foggy window. “About earlier-”

“Don’t mention it,” you interrupted. The second you peaked through your heavy eyelids did you lock eyes with Steve, regret visible in them. 

He continued, “I blew up at you and you didn’t deserve it.”

“Cool, you’re forgiven.”

“Y/N-”

You groaned quietly, but you weren’t getting angry. You were just tired from the day already and having to sit for twelve hours straight wasn’t going to help. So, you took the high road. “Look, it’s a twelve hour drive until our first stop. Let’s forget about it or else I promise you, I will jump out of this car when you push eighty.”

Steve couldn’t help the laugh that rumbled in his chest due to your absurd promise, but he accepted your answer. 

“...Okay.” 

     By hour two, there was a restlessness between the both of you. No matter how much you extended your leg, the cramping wouldn’t go away. No matter how many times Steve would twist his neck to the side to get it to crack, it would just tighten again. So, against protocol but still on your best behavior, you and Steve made a couple stops along the way.      

The first was a burger joint in the middle of buttfuck Ohio, you had commented, earning a choking sound from Steve as he tried to contain his laughter. It was a hole in the wall type of place, perfect for lying low and out of sight, and you had enjoyed your meal in the car. You listened to Steve’s playlist on low volume, stealing each other’s fries to simply piss the other off, and hit the road after your meal.      

The second stop was around hour eight, and the sun was already starting to set. You desperately needed to use the bathroom and once you saw a tiny town that ‘looks so much like the town in Gilmore Girls!’, Steve pulled over and parked in a diner parking lot. Donning caps and ordering a coffee and a tea to go to seem less suspicious, you hurried from the diner and back to your car. You stopped dead in your tracks, eyeing a gazebo with a black miniature fence around it. You begged Steve to snap a photo, promising that this would be the only favor you ask of him for the next few hours, and went to hitch one leg over the metal fence. You settled yourself on top, hands gripping the railing and trying not to fall. You started to laugh uncontrollably as the fence started hurting your bottom, begging Steve to snap the photo quicker.      

‘Take the damn picture, you big oaf!’     

‘Well, then hold still!’     

‘It’s hurting my ass!’     

‘Smile!’    

The third stop was the final one, somewhere in Iowa and deep in the forest. You complained about how Fury warned you of motels, that you would have to seek shelter elsewhere to avoid being recognized. You could easily blend in, but the mountain of muscle beside you would blow your cover. And you wanted to arrive in California undetected by the media.       

Steve drove the car into a dark and secluded part of the forest, ground that seemed used by campers often and had an emergency phone and landline nearby. It was secret enough, so you parked the car and retrieved the blankets from the trunk.      

“You taking the back?” Steve asked, jumping back into the car and rubbing his hands together because of the chilly weather. His face was flushed from just a few seconds out in the cool breeze, nose frozen and the tip red. He looked younger, you thought, somewhat resembling those renditions of Greeks in renaissance art.      

“You’ve been driving all day. You should stretch your legs,” you answered, already wrapping the blanket up to your shoulders and securing it around your neck.      

“You sure? We can alternate.”     

You smiled, already feeling the effects of the warmth on your tired body, “I’m sure, Steve. Get some rest and I’ll drive in the morning.”     

Steve exited the car after turning it off - sucks that you had to save the gas - and hopped into the backseat. He kicked off his shoes and lay across the connected seat, facing you. He could see the outline of your nose as you tilted your head slightly to the side, the blanket wrapped around your neck and hiding the real length of your hair. It resembled a bob cut by how half of it was hidden, and Steve thought that hairstyle would suit you.      

Your personal phone rang, cutting through the comfortable silence and startling the both of you. You fumbled it in your hand and looked back at Steve, face falling as you showed him the name.      

Seda.      

“Answer it on the third ring.”     

You did as Steve told you, answering the phone on the third ring and preparing your voice. He scrambled for the tape recorder, pressing ‘play’ as soon as he could.      

“You rarely call me. To what do I owe the pleasure?” you answered.      

His voice sounded hoarse over the phone, almost like he had just finished smoking a pack of cigarettes. “Are you attending?”    

“My dear sister is getting married, Seda. Of course I’m going to embarrass her.”     

He paused for a few moments, sounding like he was directing the people around him to finish something. But he responded to your answer in a serious tone. “I hope you’re being your usual sarcastic self and aren’t serious.”     

You rolled your eyes and pointed at the phone, and Steve’s lips spread into a smile. “You’ve known me long enough to know, I hope.”     

“Sadly.”     

“I’m hurt,” you joked, voice still light and cheerful. Seda paused on the line again, the sound of papers rustling letting you know the line was still active.      

“I need to know if the Captain is attending too.”     

“He was invited,” you responded, laughing a little at the fact that Seda hadn’t known this information you were sure the rest of your family knew.      

He chuckled, a slight whistle sound letting you know he was smoking another cigarette. “Mm, guess your family is finally meeting your lover, huh?”     

The air in your mouth didn’t make it down to your lungs and you looked at Steve with equally wide eyes. But you didn’t stay fazed for long, responding to such an accusation with ease. “My lover, yes. I’m so damn giddy about that.”     

Seda hummed in satisfaction, “Your father always told you to not get involved with the product. Scrambles your brains from thinking straight. But he applauds you on this one.”     

You put a finger in your mouth and mimicked gagging, causing Steve to cover his mouth to muffle his laugh. “I’ve never mentioned the Captain as my lover before. Why is my father always right?”     

You knew exactly what to say. The more backhanded praise you gave your father only fed into the truth and lies everyone knew - truth being you hated your father because of his power and the lie being that you were just as power hungry as him. As long everyone assumed you wanted this power, the more you had to act like you hated your father’s.      

“He knows more than he lets on. You know that.”     

“I know a lot of things.”     

Seda continued, “No friends allowed, anyway. So, if the Captain isn’t your lover then… we may have problems. Is there a problem?”     

You kept your voice at a steady volume, “I said I was with him, didn’t I? Have you seen the man?”          

“Seen him, heard him speak. So righteous and dull. Not really your type.” Seda was growing impatient with the conversation, clearly angry that he hadn’t caught a slip or lie from you.      

You scrunched your face in disgust, “Ew, don’t think you know my type.”     

     “Buck, ‘my type’ is back home with a warm chicken noodle soup in my lap and a couple of loose papers at my disposal,” Steve whined, trying to keep the same pace as his overly enthusiastic friend as he hurried down the sidewalk.      

“She’s such a knockout, Steve! I’m sure she’ll love you.”     

Steve couldn’t help but blush at Bucky’s kind words, the hype always repairing some parts of Steve’s broken self-esteem and reminding him of his worth. But it was his third date this month and rejection was starting to seem like his favorite sport. No matter what he did - offering a girl some peanuts, accidentally stepping on her (once!) feet while dancing, or simply not living up to Bucky’s gracious advertising - women just weren’t interested.      

“You know that’s not true, Buck. Can’t we just have a quiet night in?”     

Bucky stopped and guided them into the nearby alley, both to knock some sense into his friend and to give Steve a break from the tiny jog.      

“Listen here, Steve. Any girl would be lucky to be with you-”     

“Buck, we’ve been through this-”     

“Let me finish,” Bucky shushed him, hands on Steve’s shoulders to steady both him and himself. “Any girl would be lucky to be with you. If this one doesn’t see you how I see you, then she’s just insane.”     

Steve smirked, “Don’t insult the girl before I’ve even met her, jerk.”     

Bucky smiled, his high cheeks pushing up to create crinkles by his eyes. “Trust me, pal. You just need to find a woman with as big of a mouth as you.”     

Steve swatted his friend across his chest, laughs rumbling in both their chests and down the once quiet alleyway.      

     “What hotel are you staying at?” Seda quickly asked, ignoring your quip. You were done with this conversation as it was leading nowhere.      

“Staying at one where no one can hear the Captain scramble my brains. Goodbye,” you replied, an annoyance in your tone that even Seda would believe as natural.      

“See you soon.”     

You let Seda end the call, a little power play you allowed him to have. God, it was gonna feel good to take him down.     

Steve shifted in his seat, stopping the recorder in time for his question. He cleared his throat awkwardly, “Why did your dad assume we were a couple?”     

You gave him a tiny chuckle, pulling the blanket back over your shoulders and settling back into your seat. “I don’t know why that man says anything anymore. I guess they just expected it.”     

“Why?”     

No matter how many years passed, both awake or frozen, Steve never did quite understand the sexual appeal that lingered around his name. No matter how many times Bucky joked about it, no matter the amount of social media posts, no matter anything - he just didn’t seem to understand why people thought he was a ladies man. 

You snuggled deeper into your blanket, scanning the outside woods one last time just in case. “You wouldn’t risk your reputation and status for me unless you were fucking me, I guess.”

“Crude.”

You turned your head to him and sighed, “They think I’m the whore of the family. It’s just too funny sometimes.”

Steve’s face fell, “I’m sorry about that.”

You shuffled in your blanket to pull your arm out and wave it in the air.  “Used to it.” 

Steve didn’t press further, deciding to lay back finally to find a cozier position. It was quiet for a few minutes, just breathing and slight motion disturbing the silence. You opened your eyes and stared at the moonlight hitting the steering wheel. By the sound of Steve’s breathing, you knew he wasn’t fully asleep yet. So you allowed yourself the smallest confession, a crack in the door Steve was figuratively standing outside of.

“My sister is his prized possession, though.”

Steve didn’t respond, but from the sound of the blanket moving you could tell he had turned to face you. 

“Never knew why.”

Steve pondered your words for a long time, long after your breathing became slower and tiny snores left your mouth. He didn’t exactly know what to say or what to do. It wasn’t like you dropped top secret information on him or anything, but it made him wonder just why in the world your father hated you so much. 

You had done everything asked of you. You were controlled, tortured mentally everyday, having to endure and make decisions that Steve knew you didn’t want any part of. Your father should be thanking you for keeping his business afloat, for expanding it, for roping Steve’s own name into that life. As he contemplated any rational reason for such hate, he heard your soft snore turn into an innocent purr, and he felt himself leaning more into a mutual understanding. It frightened him, gripping his reality by the throat, because Steve actually knew why. That innocence he saw with you, no doubt had presented itself to your father involuntarily and your father knew. 

He knew you were good at heart. 

~

Taglist: @dumb-ass-writer​ @justab-eautifulmess​ @supraveng​ @mycosmicparadise​

[isolctions]

...........so let’s finally talk abt what the actual fucking fuck is wrong with ai’rina rue castillo, huh gang? :-)

(everyone go thank @armsdealing & @durcgs beating the anxiety out of me in order to post this info-dump.)

...before we get into things, now’s the part where i establish a warning for triggers to be discussed in this lengthy headcanon post. there’s gonna be some talks of mental illness, slight alcohol abuse, & breaking down topics of familial abuse, mental abuse, religious abuse, emotional manipulation, and elements of non-con. be warned.

a’ight, so look. i’ve hinted in between threads & development that rue had a not-so-fantastic upbringing that impacted how she perceives herself, how she interacts with others, (in terms of her career, at least) and how she views personal relationships, but i didn’t realize how........severely her upbringing messed with her mental health until i started working through how i wanted to plot out rue’s behavior for her next album release. at first, i had the idea that she decided to take more time for herself & sort of distance herself from the public / media circus plaguing her life so that she can create much more authentic music. then i actually listened to the EP that i’m basing her album off of and thought “...oh.” THEN, i looked over old meme responses & old threads / mentions of her family and how she grew up and thought, not for the last time since piecing everything together: “....oh. oh fucking boy.”

so, that horrible realization dawning on me, let’s talk about rue’s childhood.

i wrote a thing like, two years ago almost (that upon looking for last night, i realized i didn’t actually share it w/ anyone but alex in our discord server & only mentioned a portion of it in rue’s moodboard that i made) that talked vaguely about how rue felt growing up. and it’s worth noting that...she’s the middle of ten fucking siblings. and that’s just the brothers & sisters she knew of that stayed with their mother. and on top of that, not all of those siblings are the product of rue’s father, or even rue’s mother for that matter. and it’s also worth noting that rue not only grew up in poverty, but she grew up never having any actual space that had solely been her own, or even an article of clothing that had belonged entirely to her. so naturally, as a young child, rue sort of became torn between starved for attention & wanting someone to pay attention to her (whether that be her older siblings including her in something, whatever teacher they had for the next six months to call on her for something, for her mother to miraculously show up with her unknown father in tow one day, & for literally anyone to be her friend, pls god Notice her!!!) and for people to simply leave her the hell alone. obviously, this carried into adulthood.

and branching off from the whole “lack of space” point i made, rue wound up growing up to become increasingly more private as time went on because she literally cannot remember a single moment where she wasn’t squished between a bunch of people. driving around in their minivan? rue’s packed in the middle of the second row. nowhere to sleep while on the road? rue’s smacked between gigantic older brothers & clingy little siblings. need to use to bathroom? lmao, she better off going outside!!! gotta change clothes? yeah, good luck with that. it was to the point where, when rue got her first period, she was humiliated by it — not because ‘omg, am i a woman now?? wtf is this???’, but because she ruined the one good sheet that she slept on with her sisters & they were super pissed at her and her mother withheld pay from her for weeks. >:/

already, rue grew up never having shit to herself until the record deal. but she also dealt with literally...so much abuse from her mother. rue thought this was the norm growing up, because all of her siblings faced their mother’s wrath at some point & all of them eventually learned to just deal with the shit and do what she says if they wanted to avoid it. they all compartmentalized and repressed to varying degrees. there’s a lot in which rue has repressed so deeply, she doesn’t even remember if it seriously happened or if she was just making it up bc it was so fucking bizarre for a parent to act that way towards their child, lol?? (and this behavior of “i’m just going to do what you say bc i don’t want to deal with whatever bullshit you’re up to if i say no” also carried into business / personal relationships, which is...very Yikes it’s amazing she didn’t get scammed or worse!) 

so sure, people have complimented her for her exceptional manners & her cleanliness & how quiet / polite she is & how amazing her posture is, bc seriously, this girl will never experience back problems in her life bc her posture is so on par. but where rue typically smiles / responds bashfully, she can’t exactly just up and say: “oh, yeah, my mom used to slap the shit out of me ‘til i bruised if i spoke out of turn or talked back, and if i reached for anything in the store or put my elbows on the table she’d slap a ruler against my palms ‘til i got welts, and she’d make me read verses all night without sleep if i did anything wrong and make me straighten up and kneel on rice if i slouched or took a nap in church and humiliated me in public if i so much as looked at someone of the opposite sex on the street n oh, did i mention i also cleaned houses for rich millionaire snobs from ages twelve to sixteen and if they said or did literally anything to me i wasn’t allowed to defend myself?? ya i’m real proper :)”

(and normal ppl will go: “...................what the FUCK is WRONG with you????”)

but oh man, babe, we’re not done yet!!! rue, being the product of both a highly religious and a highly exploitative household...had difficulty when she started reaching puberty & noticing her classmates. plural, because it wasn’t just boys that she began to secretly have crushes on / fantasize abt, sexually or domestically. she also realized, oh shit, that she started looking at girls differently too. and that literally put the fear of god into her heart, bc if her mother ever found out that she was having non-platonic feelings for the girls in her classrooms, she wasn’t going to be pissed. her mom might have actually tried to kill her. or have her exorcised or something. she knew the shit would be severe, and she wanted no fucking parts of her mother or her siblings inserting the church into her personal life, thank u very much! so rue started suppressing her romantic feelings for people to the point where if adult rue receives intimacy, she’s like “...is this allowed? is this not illegal??????” while simultaneously being like “i will be a slut. just this once. as a Treat to teenage me. :>” regardless, rue learned to molotov cocktail literally any emotion or thought she had, bc she was paranoid that it would give her mother a vision.

now, onto the perils of exploitation...she should’ve been used to it really, what with her mother forcing herself & siblings to lure customers into their shop with promises of visions and palm readings and the wonders of the cards and overexerting their abilities. same with housekeeping, like being of service to people was normal! but when seventeen year old rue decided to sign a record deal and break from home, she wasn’t thinking critically about what the fuck all of this would entail. and as described in this headcanon post abt her discography, her early music was the product of allowing people much older & powerful than you to influence your work & manipulate your values. so rue was very much parading around as someone she wasn’t, someone much more confident and badass and self-assured than she really was, and she was so impressionable back then that it literally makes her sick to think back on it now. she calls it her puppy phase and phrases the eagerness to please execs as ‘tongue wagging’. homegirl hardly even knew her name anymore, bc all she was and all she would ever be was rue, the star, the vocal temptress. not ai’rina, the help or ai’rina, the seer, ai’rina, the weak little nobody. but later on, the subtle manipulation was less about decision making & how they wanted her to sound, and more about how they wanted to present the latest trophy star — because after all, she was pretty. people liked her. she sung really well. suitors weren’t too far off into the distant future. so why not kill two birds with one stone by having a high ranking label artist keep tabloids talking by being seen in public with a few heart throbs? surely, there’s no harm in manipulating an eighteen/nineteen year old’s love life! under the guise of improving her social skills & relations with fellow artists and the media and the like, rue gave into the pressures and let herself be taken out on dates & seen at awards shows with a few guys. no big deal. it was only for a night or so, she could handle the attention. then, one night appearances turned into week long appearances. pretending to date for only a month! completely innocent, positive exposure. :)

(adult rue, looking back @ younger rue: you stupid fucking BITCH-)

yeah, so once her label/management realized that she was turning into a hot commodity, they lost no sleep at allowing their nineteen year old artist to be seen ‘dating’ 20-24+ year old men occasionally. and whatever happened after their public appearances were none of their business. plus, she was good at pretending and being arm candy — so rue experienced her first kiss, her first dates, and her first times with people who she’s almost certain hardly remember their time with her, and really only got involved with her for a mutual career boost. very few of them does she actually remember in a positive light, and the ones that were positive, still depress her bc lmao all of it was fake, even if they were really nice & made it less like a chore and more like they actually wanted to be with her!! even fewer of them were actual relationships. meaning, said person asked her out of their own volition, not bc their managers thought it’d be a decent match on camera. it was evil, really, what her old label made of her. (like, she makes funny jokes that her first time having sex was awkward bc she had a vision halfway through that bummed her out but in reality it was just...really more of a transaction that made her feel icky n progressively worse abt herself until it happened more often and now she just doesn’t care anymore. sex is just sex, u know?? everything’s fake. why you gotta make it personal.) this whole fiasco took over the larger part of rue’s career from like, age nineteen to age twenty-two or so, and she suffered dramatically from this because what is even a genuine, authentic relationship at this point? what do u mean you want to get to know me? did ur manager tell you to ask so many damn questions & try to get to know me? obviously you want something from me bc that’s why everyone gets into a relationship or has sex with me, stop confessing feelings for me u fucking loser. >:/

like...rue doesn’t even have friends. outside of her relationship with marcelo / @armsdealing​ (which, AGAIN, i think was initially arranged to promote her song be honest, how fucking IRONIC), rue does not have any personal relationships with anyone. i mean, she likes her latest management team since switching labels...her hair stylist is rly cool & her make up artist is fun to vacation with...she met a few other celebrities at events that she occasionally texts & has dinner with...yeah, she’s basically a pretty hermit. her family is more or less out of the question — the few brothers & sisters she does still have a positive relationship with (like, four of them lol), they don’t see each other in person often / mainly communicate via groupchat and facetime calls when all of them have time. she tried visiting with her mother over the years, but the verbal & emotional abuse/curses placed on her/accusations of being an imp of satan for singing to the public/memories of being forced to perform psychic shows & clean for chump change keeps her from trying to mend that relationship. like, being gaslit by ur mother isn’t really the vibe, u know? and bottom line, rue simply is a very shy and socially stunted individual who does not know how to communicate like a normal human being anymore. hell, her life revolves around pretending for strangers at this point!

now, onto how...all of That ties into her behavior / state of mind during this next album. so, after riding the wave of success from her third album & the circus that came with that. rue sort of had a fucking existential crisis. came out of absolutely nowhere. (not nowhere — one of her brothers called her out of the blue and called her ai’rina and she literally went “who the fuck is that?”) told her label that she was taking some time in between albums bc she was creatively zapped or whatever bullshit excuse she came up with that somehow worked bc this new label was a little more understanding than the last. vacationed for a little, did some hot girl shit, bought a house, tried to see her mother again for whatever reason then got the shit slapped out of her and finally screamed at her to never touch her again unless she wanted to Throw Hands. cried and got drunk abt it. that took six months. bullshat to her label again, dropped like two songs to smooth things over, decided to focus on magic for a little to ground her, started partying with label mates then going home shitfaced & hungover every other morning. that took eight months. dropped one last song, promptly deleted her twitter, tried to write songs again, got a call from her mother and panicked and got drunk. that took a year. vacationed some more, got even drunker, was bed ridden for like three months because holy shit i’m having so many visions and if i see One More Thing my brain is going to explode, couldn’t separate the present from the future for weeks after that, told absolutely no one about that, cried every day & had an identity crisis, dyed her hair to appease the identity crisis goblins. that took a year and a half.

now, she just chilling. dyed her hair again. scaring her siblings halfway to death bc she keeps going on benders & sending cryptic texts abt the visions she’s getting but they’re so incomprehensible that they’re seriously considering moving in to get her fucking shit together. had a vision that she was married with kids and had a two week identity crisis appeased only by moving houses. (she was in a neighborhood with families...too much Drama and visions. turned into a really cool song tho.) started calling herself by her birth name of ai’rina in private. reactivated twitter to send cryptic tweets that her album is coming. working on said album. trying to drink less but kinda failing bc how is one simply supposed to make a highly personal dual album without alcohol??? prbly somewhere crying in marcelo’s lap or smthn. just vibes.

like...i feel like, in my head, the Theme of her project is wrapped up in identity. her relationship with fame and whatnot. trying to coax her childhood self out of its’ shell so that she can function like a normal goddamn person for once and re-establish her values. like, if someone went to any of rue’s residences right now, it’s just songbooks everywhere and wine glasses and her crystals and shit, bc she still has people’s futures to read for money. (yes, she never really got out of that portion of her childhood, but hey it pays.) it was all very confusing to experience at once while in bed at four in the morning & even though i tried organizing and debated on this, it’s still a Lot. which is why i am once again asking for plots that would allow her to dissect all these Things

so yeah. album four otw, with a side of confronting our childhood & facing our traumas!

[pkg4mumtown]

Welcome to Hawkins PD (Ch. 4)

Chapter Title: Eyes n’ Thighs

Chapter 4 of 9?

Read Chapter 3 / Masterlist

AN: Would you believe that I did the art before I even wrote this chapter? Lol

Warnings: Cursing, Hopper trying to be a big, strong man, grumpy Hop, awkward touches

Summary: After one too many accidental shower incidents, you’re determined to hang some curtains.

Taglist: @kingphillipblake​

Lmk if you want to be removed or added from my taglist

After a couple more shower mishaps over the week, I finally decided it was time to hang some curtains in the bathroom. The mishaps, while humiliating on my end were also exhilarating considering they were all to do with Hopper. One of these included Hopper having to throw me my towel that I’d left on my desk, with me trying to cover myself in the tiny shower. If I saw a glimpse of his eye between his fingers as they covered his face, I saved him the embarrassment and didn’t mention it.

When my shift was over, I just about ran out of the station to get in my car and make it to the hardware store before they closed. I had found a drill and drill bit set that Hopper left in his trailer, so I counted my lucky stars that I didn’t have to buy one. I managed to find some hooks and curtains that should suffice for the bathroom. There was no way this quick job was going to be anything fancy.

I couldn’t have been gone from the station for more than half an hour, but when I pulled up, everyone’s car was gone except for Hopper's. The few days I’d been here, I noticed he tended to leave later than everyone else, but I didn’t bother pressing him about it. I hauled the necessary equipment into the bathroom, trying not to disturb him with too much noise as I did.

I set up the tallest step ladder I could find at the trailer, hoping my height would be enough. I unbuttoned my uniform shirt and shrugged it off, leaving me in my long sleeve undershirt, which would offer more mobility. I did the same with my duty belt and set both items out of harm’s way. I roughly marked, with a pencil, where I was going to drill the holes for the hooks before readying the drill. As I marked, I knew this wasn’t going to be safe as I stood on my tippy toes to touch the ceiling.

I slid on a pair of safety glasses I’d found, so as not to get anything in my eyes and started climbing the wobbly ladder with the drill in hand. I lined up the drill bit with the mark, trying to balance on my tippy toes to get enough pressure to push into the drill. Before I could press the trigger, a deep, surprised voice caught me off guard.

“What in the hell!?” I heard Hopper’s voice echo in the bathroom.

In my state of unbalance on my toes, the step ladder wobbled ominously as I jumped. Hopper leaped forward, grabbing my hips with both hands, and stepping on the bottom step to steady the ladder. I gulped, feeling his firm grip tighten each time the step ladder wobbled. I crouched down to lower my center of gravity, inadvertently pushing my ass towards his face which was confirmed by the grunt he made. As soon as I was steady, he released me and let me step down on to solid ground.

“Hey, Chief,” I stammered, still rattled from almost falling.

I faced him, seeing his arms folded tightly across his chest in annoyance at having to catch me.

“You could have asked for help, you know,” Hopper sighed loudly. “I don’t need you hurting yourself before the end of your first week.”

“I don’t need help, sir, I can do it,” I rolled my eyes.

Hopper quirked his eyebrow at me, having noticed the eye roll, making me look away quickly. I heard him grumble under his breath as his hands began to unbutton his uniform shirt and tossed it on the bench. My eyes were glued to his hands as he pulled his sleeves up to his forearms. Hopper stuck out his hand, looking pointedly at the drill. He took his hat off and tossed it on top of my duty belt before snatching the drill from my hand.

“That stool is in really bad shape, Chief,” I cringed as he climbed to the second step.

“It’s a good thing I don’t have to go as high as you, then, huh?” he grunted, angling his body so he could line the drill up.

“Oh, wait!” I stopped him before he pressed the trigger. I stuck out the safety goggles, which he stared at like I’d just offered him a steaming pile of shit.

“Men don’t wear safety goggles,” he looked at me in disbelief, like I should have known.

“Men who want to keep their eyeballs do,” I rolled my eyes yet again, earning me another warning glare.

“Uh-huh,” he dismissed me, looking back up at the ceiling and readying himself again. He pressed the trigger and squinted, making a hole in the plaster quickly.

Hopper made quick work of the hooks, having almost all of them up within a few minutes. As he drilled the last hole, he had to force the drill bit back out when he felt it get stuck. A frown worked its way onto his features as he yanked down on the drill and finally pulled it from the ceiling. As a result of the thread ripping through the plaster, particles came flying from the hole and flew directly into his face.

“Son of a bitch!” he yelped, his free hand immediately flying to his eyes as he took a hesitant step down the stepladder.

I ran up behind him, immediately helping him down and shoving him toward one of the two showers. He tried to plant himself before we approached the shower head, but I gave him one more shove, so he was under the metal protrusion. I turned the water on, not bothering to check how cold it was before pushing his upper back so his head would be under the spray. He let out a frustrated growl as the icy water hit his face, but let it wash over his eyes anyway.

“Fuck,” he groaned, rubbing his eyes slightly.

“Don’t do that,” I batted his hands away, getting my own hands wet in the process. I heard him take in a frustrated breath, clearly unhappy with the entire situation. “Open your eyes,” I murmured, trying to see around the water.

“Gee, I didn’t think of that,” he replied sarcastically through a mouthful of water. “I wish I could.”

I leaned around him, finally able to see his twitching eyelids, so I used a finger to push the skin below his eye down so that at least some water would help wash out the plaster. When he was through with my prying, he slapped the faucet handle and turned the water off abruptly. He yanked himself away from me and started stalking back to where his belongings were.

“Chief, wait! Just sit down,” I called after him.

“I’m fine,” he replied in a terse, annoyed tone, lifting his arm up to wipe his face with his plaster dusted sleeve.

“Jim,” I responded forcefully, gripping his wrist in a vice grip before his arm could touch his face.

His jaw clenched, his cheeks and ears red in what looked like anger but could have just as easily been in embarrassment. His eyes fluttered open slightly, the whites of his eyes turned pink from his not-so-gentle rubbing. His hooded gaze stared me down as he ground his jaw and inhaled loudly but relented and finally sat on the bench. He moved to wipe his face again after sitting, earning a slap on the back of his hand.

I quickly yanked open my locker an grabbed a clean washcloth to dry his face with. I strode back over to him on a mission, purposely bumping my knee against his so he’d spread his legs. I batted his hands away impatiently, feeling too much like I was taking care of temperamental child. I dried the skin around his eyes, then brought my thumbs to his face with the intention to gently pull skin away from his eyes so they’d open wider. He grimaced at the gesture and pulled his head away sharply, making me grab the sides of his face so he’d stop. I moved so fast that I leaned too far forward and nearly fell on him, only stopped by his hands grabbing the tops of my thighs and pushing slightly. I gulped and paused for a second, but when I realized he didn’t plan on moving his hands from me, I took a shaky breath and carried on.

I opened each eye carefully and examined it. “Look up,” I murmured, feeling his fingers tighten around my thighs briefly. “Down,” I instructed, trying to ignore the tingle of his thumb brushing ever so slightly across the material of my trousers. “Good, all good,” I sighed, thankful nothing was damaged but also inadvertently responding to his touch.

“Yea?” he murmured, blinking a few times after I let go of his face.

I placed my hands on his shoulders, knowing I should just back away and hang the curtains, but I didn’t want to move. His eyes bored back into mine for a few tense moments before he realized what he was doing and dropped his hands. He cleared his throat and stood quickly, making me stumble back as his body straightened and pushed me out of his space.

“I’ve gotta go get my kid,” he mumbled, grabbing his belongings, and storming out of the bathroom.

I watched him go and gulped at all these feelings rushing through my head. I did not have feelings for my boss. I repeated this in my head over and over while finishing my task of hanging curtains. There was no way I could have feelings for this grumpy jerk, right?

Chapter 5

[makeste]

BnHA Chapter 258: Have You Thanked Your Twice Today

Previously on BnHA: All Might gave Deku a book with all of the previous OFA successors’ names, quirks, and career stats. Kacchan barely glanced at the book and was all “nah, boring” and JUST LIKE THAT he decided we’re not gonna get any new info, which I don’t think is very fair or considerate Kacchan but whatever!! Anyway though, All Might did reveal that Nana could fly and so Deku is going to learn to fly, so that’s fucking awesome, and then Kacchan and Deku had a moment of being bratty siblings together which I framed and put on my wall, so that was also very enjoyable. Back at the 1-A dorms we learned that Todoroki can’t cook, and the kids had a New Year’s party and talked about how they’re gonna be second years soon and how everything is just SO GREAT AND GOOD AND LIFE IS GOOD, and elsewhere All Might sat outside the teacher’s dorms and had a gorgeous fucking conversation with Aizawa that gave me all the feels. The chapter then ended with a THREE MONTH TIMESKIP to late March when apparently everything is about to go to shit. So yeah. Quite a lot to process there.

Today on BnHA: Hawks spends basically the entire chapter very slowly explaining to us that he became best friends with Twice, and it paid off dividends on account of Twice deciding that Hawks is definitely trustworthy and he should definitely tell him exactly where Tomura is off hiding in the mountains of Kyoto, because that’s the kind of extremely sensitive strategic intel that real best friends don’t keep from one another! Can you guys believe Hawks spent all that time trying to cozy up to fucking Dabi of all people when this whole time Twice was right fucking there. I bet you Twice would never have asked him to kill Best Jeanist and tote around his remains in a knapsack. Anyway so the chapter ends with the heroes launching what I assume is a surprise attack in where I assume is Kyoto, which probably explains that whole “on that day the heroes vanished” bit from the previous chapter. So let’s all wish them good luck, especially because THEY BROUGHT THE FUCKING KIDS WITH THEM GODDAMMIT. Oh my babies. Please be safe.

so I think I’m gonna go back to the Friday schedule since it just works better for me. just gotta remember to take the translations with a grain of salt, but all in all the quality last week wasn’t too bad, and overall the pros outweigh the cons

(ETA: the quality actually went down a lot this time honestly, but Friday still > Sunday in terms of me having the time to read this, so it is what it is.)

well this is interesting!

“in the absence of Endeavor” ? ??? the what now??? “oh yeah did we forget to mention, he’s gone now. we did some focus groups and made a few tweaks based on what the fans said they wanted.” well shit. let this be a warning to you all. it can happen JUST LIKE THAT

um. but I mean, that’s all well and good but uhhhh. [nervous glance toward Ujiko, Tomura, the 100k army, and the 11 noumus] ...

but maybe he’s just absent for the cover though. (ETA: yeah this makes a lot more sense after reading the last page of this chapter lol.) anyway so here we have everyone flying, as all good heroes do, including Deku who doesn’t really need that floating quirk after all I suppose, since he can jump real good. BUT IT’S STILL NICE FOR HIM TO HAVE IT SO SHHH

also the flower!Kacchan eyes are becoming more and more frequent lately. Horikoshi is really having a lot of fun with that

and now we’re going back roughly two months ago! which is still the future as far as I’m concerned! so this is really weird to have a “flashback” that basically still takes place after where we last left off. but whatever

“a week after the ‘hospital’ tip” well thank you, that certainly does help. so Twice is jogging in and beckoning to his best bud Hawks so Hawks is like “?” and walking over

(ETA: this has absolutely nothing to do with anything, but I just wanted to say that it’s very possible this flashback is actually taking place on Shouto’s birthday -- January 11th -- given the timing, so happy birthday Shouto! you are getting so big!)

lol see this is one of those times where the whole ‘translation of a translation’ thing doesn’t really work sob. even with context I’m not quite sure wtf Twice is actually asking, but at any rate this at least does give us an idea of how the rest of the League is spending their time now that they’ve completed their whole villain corporate merger

so Spinner and Compress, who actually have a few brain cells to rub together between the two of them, are already deeply involved in running things, and meanwhile Giran, Dabi, and Toga don’t really give a shit and so are content to sit back and wait until their services are actually needed. incidentally I like to think Giran spends a good chunk of his free time just tormenting ReDestro in a bunch of really small and petty ways. like making him get his coffee, and having him call and cancel his cable subscription and stuff. it’s just nice

guys I have no idea wtf is going on in these four panels honestly

well you heard him. that’s the situation. nobody trusts Twice (or was he talking about Hawks?), and meanwhile he has to go poo. not exactly where I thought this chapter would be picking up after that fun little cliffhanger last week, but just goes to show this series truly is a magical Kinder Egg and you never know what you’re gonna get!

so Hawks is explaining for my benefit that Twice was apparently doing an impression of some guy named “Sanctum” who is the oldest member of the MLA

holy shit it took Hawks a whole month to figure out all of the Pliff members? I’m just gonna pass then. thankfully I’m not a spy and I don’t have the fate of the free world depending on me memorizing the organizational chart of a bunch of really boring people whom I really do not give the slightest fuck about. anyway godspeed Hawks

oh no

son of a bitch. we’re in for another long fucking arc aren’t we lmao. well all right then let’s go ahead and do the rundown

Black 1: Fuhrer King Bradley

Black 2: Flying Ace

Black 3: Mother Ginger

Violet 1: Super Mario and Just A Bald Man

Violet 2: Predator and Best Sweaterist

Violet 3: Vizard and Gang Badger

in conclusion, Horikoshi will never stop making Alien/Predator references, and I’m also seeing some strong FMA and Bleach influence here as well. hell, the Mario guy even reminds me of some of the fishman characters from One Piece. so basically we’re all over the place here

other observations: “the new world movement”, huh? are they moving on from PLF at long last? I’ll take Newm over Pliff any day tbh

and so they have a tactical force and a raid force. now that’s interesting as fuck, because who exactly are they planning to raid? now that’s a nice disturbing question to ponder

lastly, the black and violet color schemes are very interesting and I wonder if there’s any significance there that’s going over my head lol. for now I just think it sounds cool regardless

-- MOTHERFUCKER THERE’S A WHOLE NOTHER PAGE OF THIS SHIT FUCK ME I FUCKING QUIT

goddammit. fine

Carmine 1: Lefty Hair and Gerudo Princess

Carmine 2: Slidin’ Go Away and R2-D2

and I can’t see Carmine 3, oh well. meanwhile on the other side we’ve got:

Cleveland 1: Praying Mantis and Righty Hair

Cleveland 2: Jawa and Just Happy To Be Here

and last but not least, Cleveland 3: Badger’s Revenge

what I have learned from this is that I don’t really know what a badger looks like and so any remotely rodent-looking animal person with stripes on their face is going to be slapped with that label because I don’t have time to research what would be a more appropriate animal nickname unless we want to be here until next week. anyway

haha Hawks what the fuck

well that sure is encouraging. so how exactly are the heroes supposed to get the drop on them then? basically we’re fucked, is what you’re saying. well we all been knew so whatever

so Hawks is monologuing to himself about how he was able to nice his way into learning all of the army’s members without getting caught, and in the process he observed how all of the members are all “FUCK THE SYSTEM”, which they definitely have a point about but are also definitely going about the wrong way holy shit

so now he’s feeding some good rabble-rousing lines to Twice who is eating them up

yeah, because Twice famously loves ReDestro lol, oh wait

so Twice is all “I don’t wanna say something that’s not from the heart” because he is PURE and not a Sneaky Sam like SOME PEOPLE! but he understands Hawks’s point that he basically just has to butter them up and tell them what they want to hear, and now he’s running off with a hearty thanks

fffffson of a --

like, you all can see the breakdown in logic that occurred here, right? “some heroes are corrupt” -- absolutely! “kill all heroes” -- wait, what

like obviously there are some real world parallels here. but I very much get the feeling that the PLF/NWM’s movement is fueled less by sentiments of “our law enforcement system is trigger-happy, racist, void of empathy, and think they’re above the law” and more by the notion of “our self-proclaimed superiority gives us the right to do whatever we want and trumps other people’s right to be safe and free, particularly if those people are unfortunate enough to not have quirks.” like, there are a lot of other nuances we could get into here, but that’s basically the gist of it, so yeah. these guys are not to be sympathized with here

and now there’s a big double page spread basically confirming that what these guys really want is blood and anarchy

and the really interesting thing here to me is that we can see Tomura standing at the front of the pack in that bottom right panel. but on the very next panel, with the close-up of Hawks looking as serious as we’ve ever seen him, he basically says that the endgame of all this, the ultimate outcome that this is all meant to bring into place, is one thing and one thing only

yep. well fuck

anyway I have no idea why he’s thanking Twice, but I’m gonna go ahead and guess he unknowingly did something which might give the heroes the potential glimmer of hope which they desperately need. so I will go ahead and thank you too, Twice. you’re a good guy buddy

oh wow there’s a whole page of more meta about Twice! -- and OH SHITTTTTTT

LKDsjflkjsdlfklskgjlskjlfkjsdlfk oh my fkfdjflk how did this never occur to me, just. FSDKLFLSIFKjk

hahaha. :’) holy fucking shit. they have to take him out. they can’t win otherwise. the heroes are already screwed enough as it is with just one Tomura and eleven high ends to contend with; if Twice is able to use his quirk to multiply that exponentially, we can basically kiss the world goodbye. fuck

but Hawks came to realize that Twice is actually a good guy though as echoed above! which, yeah, and can you imagine if he wasn’t, though? shiiit

oh my god they are so cute

listen, I won’t lie, I’m reading this for my 1-A children first and foremost, so there’s a part of me that’s like “HOW MANY MORE PAGES ARE WE GOING TO GET OF THIS JESUS CHRIST.” but there’s no denying that Jin is a good turnip and his unexpected friendship with Hawks -- which I am happy to report is now confirmed to be genuine! because Hawks really does like him! -- is a delight to witness

OH MY GOD TWICE LMAO

“HERE, LET ME JUST DRAW YOU A MAP! (⌒∇⌒。)ANYTHING FOR YOU, BEST FRIEND”

holy fucking shit Twice. did you just save all our asses you beautiful bastard

so between this, and the “hospital” clue, that could be enough to track him down, couldn’t it? no wonder Hawks was so pumped after getting that call. what are the odds this chapter ends with the start of a hero-led raid on a hospital in Kyoto. oh shit oh shit oh shit

lolol oh fuck me

I swear to god Horikoshi if you end this bromance by having Hawks kill Twice for the sake of the greater good, I’ll. ... well I sure as hell won’t like that. please do not

AND JUST LIKE THAT WE’RE BACK TO SPRINGTIME OH MY GOD

what a time to enter the first fucking grade Dai-kun. godspeed little man. I love the little detail that he’s holding an Endeavor plush while looking at the All Might statue. drawing strength from both heroes. aww

and then of course we have this fucking march of heroes which I can only hope is them heading to that hospital! no wonder they all vanished. they all ran off to Kyoto to try and put a stop to the villains’ plans before it’s too late

but I don’t see any of the kiddos there, though? don’t tell me the villains are gonna try something while the adults are away and leave the kids to deal with it all on their own

oh shit no!!! hold up!!

DON’T TELL ME THEY REALLY DID BRING THE KIDS WITH THEM ON THE EXTREMELY DANGEROUS “TIME TO GET OUR ASSES HANDED TO US BY NOUMURAKI TOMURA” MISSION NOOO MY BABIESSS

oh thank god

at least they don’t have the child soldiers on the front fucking lines, fucking christ

AHHHHHHHHH

SAY A PRAYER FOR KATSUKI’S WINTER COSTUME, EVERYONE. BE AT PEACE, SLEEVES OF GONDOR. FAREWELL BEST JEANIST TRIBUTE COLLAR

is this T chest thing on Shouto’s costume new? I can’t imagine that serves any sort of practical function whatsoever; he was probably just tired of looking boring

BUT!!!! those gloves, though!!?! now those are definitely new and I fucking love them. again I can’t really see them having much of a practical application given his quirk, but there is nothing wrong with upgrading oneself just to look sharp! boy wanted a facelift so he went out and got one

that’s some nice Anime Protagonist Wind they’ve got going on there in the mountains of Kyoto. real epic shit

1-B is there too!! and also Hadou, I think, unless that’s Pony? so that’s fucking awesome. we will certainly need all hands on deck

so that’s it for the chapter! not much happened, but we got a lot of Twice appreciation and learned that the heroes still have a few tricks up their sleeves! can’t wait to see how this will all go disastrously wrong. if you ask me, it’s probably when they decided that the best way to launch a surprise attack was to have fifty Endeavor-led guys gather all together and march up Main Street. but far be it from me to tell the heroes how to do their job I guess. best of luck not dying everyone

[johannas-motivational-insults]

I for one was seething while Ms assh... Weaver basically confirmed to her designed punching bag that she keeps her around because she's a decent emotional support for Adora, so... wanna go even deeper and stab the reader s'more?

Oh I love stabbing the reader. And I love this scene so I’ll do the whole fuckin’ thing. (Commentary is bolded.)

This scene really is heartbreaking. It was easy for me to write, though, because Catra and (Shadow) Weaver have a very particular dynamic that I vibe with. It's such a pivotal scene for Catra too, because it confirms her fears that her success would be met with pushback and that Weaver really doesn’t love her or care about her at all. It makes her feel dehumanized both in the sense of being treated as subhuman and being treated as a tool. Something to be kept around only so long as it’s useful, discarded the second it’s not. This is the moment when she learns for certain just how little she means to Weaver and it’s painful to read.

*Content Warning for abuse*

The sound of keys in the front door makes Catra frown in confusion as she unloads the last of her books. No one is ever home this early. Even when Weaver doesn’t have any sponsored clubs or other teacher bullshit to deal with, 3:15 is the earliest she ever gets home.

But Catra’s always had sensitive ears, and those are definitely Ms. Weaver’s footsteps crossing the floor. When the woman pokes her head into the kitchen, no doubt to investigate the smell, Catra gives her a jerky nod. “Went to work after all?”

“No, I had some errands to run,” Weaver replies flatly. “Lying around all day like a lazy sack of meat doesn’t come naturally to me.”

Me @ Weaver:

Bitch she’s baking cookies, she’s clearly not lying around all day. Why you gotta be like that?

“Yeah, me neither,” mutters Catra, deflecting the obvious implication.

“I have something for you,” says Weaver, and Catra can’t help but look up in surprise. Weaver tosses her something and she instinctively moves to catch it. Just before it hits her hands, she realizes what it is and her stomach drops. Fingering the rough edges of the rolled up newspaper, she tries to breathe steadily as she forces her eyes up to meet Weaver’s. (Oh gotta love that trauma response.) The woman looks more unimpressed than predatory right now, but Catra knows better than anyone how that can change at the drop of a hat.

“Looks like your little ploy paid off,” she remarks.

Sighing, Catra sets the paper down on the table. “I told you, it wasn’t a ploy. Just a play.”

“I see. And I suppose the fact that this article was written by a close friend of yours is a complete coincidence.”

LOL clearly Weaver knows nothing about Entrapta if she thinks she could be bribed into writing something she doesn’t believe.

“I had nothing to do with that,” Catra denies swiftly. When Weaver’s expression doesn’t change, she insists, “Really, I swear.”

Weaver’s head tips the slightest bit, that familiar predatory tinge seeping into her eyes and voice. “And why should I believe you?”

Catra huffs, arms crossing defensively over her chest. “Why would I do something I know would get me in trouble?”

“I don’t know, Catra, you tell me,” says Weaver, slowly closing the gap between them. “It’s not as though you’ve been doing that your entire life.”

Me @ Weaver:

Like okay, it’s kinda true. But still.

Tensing more with every step Weaver takes, Catra raises her hands innocently, trying and failing not to shift her weight to her back foot. Not to give ground or show her fear. (This is making me super uncomfortable so I’m probably just gonna keep memeing at you all. Yes, I am aware that this is my fault. No, I am not sorry.) “Look, Entrapta has really strong opinions, and they’re always backed up with facts. I couldn’t just plant the idea in her head to write something like this.”

“Facts, you say?” muses Weaver. She reaches past Catra in a very deliberate show of invading her space, and Catra can’t help but suck a quick breath in through her teeth. But Weaver doesn’t touch her. All she does is pick up the paper and turn it over in her hands as though she is deep in thought. Then the motion stops, her eyes snapping up sharply. “So you agree with her.”

Weaver @ Catra:

“That’s not what I said,” protests Catra, her exasperation showing through her tenuous attempts at staying calm. “Stats are facts, not who deserves what awards or whatever. It’s not like I even care about that.”

Weaver shakes her head, her chuckle positively dripping with condescension. “Oh, now I know you’re lying.”

She is. She really is. And the fact that Weaver knows how much Catra cares and wants praise and approval and still denies her that makes me want to slap a bitch.

Also I just realized how closely this scene parallels the one in 1x04 and that actually wasn’t intentional but I’ll take it, clearly I’ve got the spirit of their relationship down.

“No, I-”

The newspaper smacks Catra across the cheek and she yelps in shock and pain, hand flying to her mouth.

It shouldn’t be a shock, not after 14 years of this shit. It still is, every time.

Ugh, ow.

“Enough of your lip,” hisses Weaver. “You know better than to contradict me.”

Hate is not a strong enough word for how I feel about this woman. Unfortunately there are too many people just like her. I’ve noticed the audience particularly hates this incarnation of Shadow Weaver and I think it’s because when she’s stripped of her magic the tactics she’s left with are far too familiar. I feel the same way.

Catra’s tongue swipes along her stinging lip, checking for blood. It comes back clean, but the lack of physical damage does nothing to calm the quiet rage boiling up inside of her. Weaver has never treated her with an ounce of respect, and now she has the gall to hit her with a rolled up newspaper like she’s a fucking animal. Subhuman. (I mean this feeling comes straight out of Demons but with Catra being human in this au it’s... not worse, definitely not, but it hits differently.) Catra’s fists clench and her chest puffs out as she straightens up to her full height (even if it’s nothing on Weaver).

“Do not touch me,” growls Catra, her voice low and dangerous in a way few people have ever heard it. “I’m an adult, that’s officially illegal now.”

Oh, you sweet summer child.

“Oh, you want to talk about the law?” counters Weaver, sounding far too calm in comparison. It just makes Catra angrier. And maybe a little scared. Somehow Weaver always makes her feel out of control, which never ceases to remind her who is in control. (Oof.) “I am under no obligation to let you live here, Catra, let alone at a significant discount. I do that out of the kindness of my heart. (LOL the what now?) Would you rather I throw you out in the streets like the stray you are?”

Yay for another insinuation that Catra is an animal. Nice going, Weaver.

Also, that is one of the meanest fucking lines I’ve ever written for Shadow Weaver and that’s saying something.

Those words hit Catra right in the gut, a blow far more painful than any physical one. They trigger a flood of other words that always seem to find her, stick to her no matter how she tries to slough them off, prove them wrong. Stray, nuisance, brat, worthless, unwanted, unloved...

But she was loved once. She was.

Oh boy, get ready for PAIN. So I wasn’t orginally planning to write this flashback but then I got a Very Bad Idea and I love torturing my readers (and myself) so this happened.

Kneeling in front of the open door, Papi opened his arms for a goodbye hug. When Catra stepped into them, she felt his smile against the side of her head. “Te amo, mija.”

“Yo también te amo, Papi,” said Catra, tiny arms tightening around his neck with a proud grin. He hadn’t taught her that one, she’d pieced it together on her own.

Papi chuckled in surprise and approval, ruffling her wild hair. “You’re a genius, little one. You know that?”

“Yep!” she answered, beaming with the completely earnest confidence only a precocious three year-old can muster.

Baby Catra’s behavior may be slightly inspired by my highly intelligent four year-old niece, who is also biracial with a multilingual father.

A couple playful taps of the horn from the driveway interrupted them, making Papi chuckle once again. Pulling away enough to look Catra in the eye, he winked conspiratorially. “Better not keep Mommy waiting. You know how she is.”

Catra shook her head soberly in agreement. Mommy was notoriously impatient, a speed demon on the road. Catra loved driving with her, laughing like a maniac from the backseat whenever she’d swerve and cuss out the idiots in her way. Those cackles never failed to make Mommy shoot Catra a smile in the rearview mirror, her transitory rage melting away in an instant at the sound. Still, it was never good being on the receiving end of that impatience.

(Catra’s mother is not at all inspired by my sister, however. She drives like a fucking granny.)

Papi quickly pecked Catra on the cheek before standing and waving goodbye, giving an appreciative nod to the babysitter as he pulled the door shut behind him.

He didn’t close it loudly or anything, but no sound is louder in Catra’s nightmares. She never saw either of them again.

“Answer me, Catra,” Ms. Weaver demands sternly.

That was what she had. And this is where she ended up.

Yeah, no wonder this version of Catra just assumes anything good in her life will be taken away. In some ways it might be worse than being Adora starting with nothing, because not only does Adora not remember what she lost in infancy (which wasn’t great to begin with), she has been steadily moving up in the world since. Catra’s had the opposite trajectory.

Suddenly noticing the tears rolling down her cheeks, Catra swipes them away with the back of her hand. Her throat hurts too much to swallow, so she doesn’t even bother trying to settle her voice. Her weakness is already on full display, anyway. Shaking her head, she whispers hoarsely, “No, Ms. Weaver.”

“Good,” Weaver says with finality as Catra sniffles, blinking back more tears. “You still live under my roof, and you will abide by my rules or face the consequences, just like anyone else.”

Oh boy, that’s a little too close for comfort. Again with this version of SW feeling especially despicable to the audience because it’s so familiar.

Just like anyone else. Sure.

Yeah you’re right Catra, go off.

As Weaver starts toward her room, Catra half-heartedly tosses a hand with an empty, resigned sigh. “What rules did I break this time?”

Weaver turns back, her expression dangerous, but Catra can’t muster the enthusiasm for fear anymore. Her eyes are still burning, voice tight with emotion as she confesses, “I’ve tried, Ms. Weaver. I-” Her voice cracks and she shakes her head, pinching her brow in shame. “I never wanted you to hate me.”

brb crying in the club

K but honestly the helplessness here is just heartbreaking. And it’s just like in canon. We saw, Catra did try to be a good soldier and make Shadow Weaver like her, but it was a lost cause. I mean I didn’t pull this dialogue directly from 2x06 but it’s a similar flavor for sure.

When Catra dares to look back up she finds that Weaver’s expression has softened slightly, though she still looks annoyed. “I never said I hate you,” she says, the uncharacteristic gentleness catching Catra off guard. “You’re just more trouble than you’re worth most of the time.”

It shouldn’t be a comfort. But it is, anyway. It is. Catra sniffles again, dipping her head to wipe her eyes on her shoulders.

The fact that this is a comforting answer to Catra is so fucked up and tragic but so befitting of their relationship.

“Though I will admit, you do have a way with Adora,” concedes Weaver, her tone very nearly impressed. “Not everyone can handle someone like that and keep them on task. I’ve had plenty come through my classroom.”

Wow, so we’re just being casually ableist now? Nice.

My thoughts exactly, Catra.

...Ableist and pragmatic.

Catra snorts under her breath, shaking her head as her eyes fall to the floor. How did she never put this together before? “That’s why you’re letting me stay.”

This truly is a gut punch moment. She thought maybe Weaver actually had a bit of affection for her or was invested in her future after all (which tracks for Catra because she is mean to the people she likes) and that’s why she let her stay, but no. As usual, it’s all about Adora. That is not going to bode well for the resentment moving forward.

“She does badly with her routine being disrupted, and she’s come to rely on you,” states Weaver, tipping her head in acknowledgement.

“Plus she’d hate you if you kicked me out,” Catra adds pointedly.

Weaver smiles, all teeth. “It is better for everyone this way, wouldn’t you say?”

Better for you, you mean.

“Sure,” mutters Catra. When that response earns her a look, she corrects herself. “Yes, Ms. Weaver.”

Eyes narrowed into slits, Weaver warns her, “Make no mistake, Catra. Adora would manage if you left us. If your behavioral issues begin to outweigh your usefulness, I reserve the right to evict you.” She cocks an expectant eyebrow. “Am I understood?”

“Yes, ma’am,” mumbles Catra.

Poor Catra, I just...

“I care very much about Adora, and I won’t have you dragging her down with you.”

“I remember,” Catra says numbly, picking at her nails and avoiding Weaver’s gaze.

Ooooooooooof. Why do I insist on hurting myself so much with all these canon parallels?

Studying her intently for a moment, Weaver concludes, “Yes, I’m sure you do.” Then she turns and leaves without another word.

Well that was lovely. Anybody else want to reach through the screen and throttle a bitch? ‘Cause I sure do.

This scene doesn’t cause an immediate reaction on Catra’s part but it definitely moves her to a place where she’s very aware of her role and how useless it is to try to change it (at least in this house), and that makes everything a little more volatile. She’s not at a breaking point yet but she’s getting closer, it certainly takes the wind out of her sails a bit. She will recover in the short term because she is Catra and her stubbornness makes her very resilient, but it weighs her down and eventually she is going to snap. Y’all will love that, I’m sure. ;)

[yoruma-pan]

『犬系彼氏がヤンデレに...連続で三本も。』(Puppy-like Boyfriend goes yandere then... A three-part story.)

voice acting by れると様 (Reruto)

scripts by さわな様, シーナ様, ☆優黄鈴☆様 (Sawana, Shina, Yuu Kirin[?])

please check it out here.

Tags: Yandere, Puppy-like Boyfriend, Jealousy, Co-dependency, Strangulation, Younger Boyfriend, Older Girlfriend, DV (Domestic Violence)

❗❗ Trigger Warnings: Physical abuse (there are sounds so, please be warned), emotional abuse, manipulation, intimate partner abuse, vandalism (there are sounds so, please be warned), hints of sexual assault

Description:

(Translator's Note: This will be based on the descriptions given by the scriptwriter, and as you may notice, this is not a collaboration. れるとさん just put the three stories together hence, the narrative may change.)

First Part | さわな様

Due to circumstances, you started to live with a young man. Like that of an obedient pet, he adored you and was cooperative as a live-in partner. But upon coming home late one day, his character completely changed...

Second Part | シーナ様

Heyo! This is Shina who will probably fight back if she has a DV boyfriend!

Speaking of which, wouldn’t it be perfect compatibility if a yandere and a yandere get paired...?

Will they depend on each other?

[Translator’s Note: There isn’t any synopsis so, here’s my shitty one; you wake up to your DV boyfriend greeting you a morning innocently as if nothing happened. Handcuffed until it hurts, and refusing to let you go, he offered to make breakfast and told you to be a good girl. That’s when you decided to escape from the window but were caught.]

Third Part | ☆優黄鈴☆様

The boyfriend accidentally saw his girlfriend closely together with a guy during lunch hours.

Translator’s Note:

So, okay, before I trash on this character (not れるとさん nor the writers, bless them and their health), I will draw out the flow of the story from what I understood.

First part:

You get home late > boyfriend goes loco, deleting your contacts after a heated argument about how you saved him and you’re like a goddess to him > you slap him > he goes even crazier > he strangles you, claiming that’s how he felt more or less; unable to breath from jealousy = unable to breathe because someone’s deliberately strangling you apparently > explains how he didn’t want to “have” her body at first since it’s vulgar but now, realizes he does because that means you’re his wtf > and it is strongly hinted he forces himself upon you

Second part:

You’re in chains so you tried escaping when he wasn’t there > he becomes mad and violent as he questions your love for him and why you’re scared of him (like bitch plz) > realizes what he had done, he apologizes profusely for hurting you and hugs you while crying (god I love his voice acting at this part) > explains his co-dependency even more to you > you freaking forgave him apparently > professes his love to you and being forever together

Third part:

Dude welcomes you home and asks about your day > you told him you had overtime and went to eat already > he asks with who to which you respond just some colleagues > dark mode activated; he asks again whether you’re telling the truth > shows a picture of you and a guy; he happened to see you since his workplace was close > brings in the marriage convo that you keep saying is too early for it (really dude) > questions whether if it’s him that’s not good enough > repeats all the things he knows, loved, and observed about you > asks whether colleague dude knows you well as he does (really) > turns out you two go way back when you were students :ooo > so why are you smiling more when you were with that guy he said > is overtime a lie > from promising to each lunch with you to changing workplaces > you get angry and he panics, apologizing > but says you’re the one who did wrong in a reallllyy puppy like manner > you explain that you’re not cheating, and was laughing about a story; it wasn’t just you two who ate; you really did overtime; you two are in good terms only > then you started crying > shocked, he pats your head and believes you > but from now on you must eat with him, if not change workplaces > expresses how much he loves you > and a happy ending apparently

End.

So, I practically did my commentary already lol. It’s one thing to be possessive, I understand that but to abusive is another, and I swear to fucking god, I hate abusers the most. It still shocks me there’s a demographic for this, and people are saying “kakkoii” over this. You okay, gals, and dudes? Wanna talk? I can hear you out and let’s try to figure this out.

But hey, characters aside, I love the scripts. I love watching crazy people have erratic changes in their mood and feelings. And duudddeee, his voice acting!!! I love how he sounds so cute but in certain parts, his voice really does get violent and scary. Props to him. I admire people who can voice act as villains, that takes a toll on you.

Anyways, yup, I quite like it actually. And it’s 3:00 AM, I was taking a quiz, why am I still here. There goes my secret, I listen to situation voices, and R-18 drama CDs while studying lololol. Gotta finish it then sleep??? maybe???

[golbrocklovely]

only the lonely survive // colby brock - chapter twenty: so filthy, dialed desire, swallowed pride but spit out fire

A/N: first off, super sorry that this is late. i took a really long nap lol in case you are wondering why i didn’t post yesterday and instead i’m posting today, i have moved my writing schedule for wednesdays and thursdays (and then the occassional one off random day when i fill out request). tuesdays just weren’t working for me. anyway, please let me know what you think of this story so far. i’d love to hear what you have to say. i’ll be posting another chapter of Twisted tomorrow and tonight i’m gonna try to fill out some request. okay, see yall later :)

description of the story

taglist:  @ajosieface , @localsleeper , @julyrubyrose , @far-to-many-bands , @absolute-randomness-forever

trigger warning: light smut, cursing, drinking, partying, talks of virginity

word count: 2036

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

DAY 11/14

"What's up you guys, it's Skye here. And for today's video I'm gonna do a get ready with me slash q and a. I asked you guys on twitter to ask me some questions, so I figured I would answer some while I get ready." I shrugged, staring into the camera.

"I'm going to a party tonight with some friends. It's very last minute so this might have to be a very fast get ready with me." I snorted, pulling out my makeup.

I laid everything out and looked down at all of my choices. Glancing behind me, I looked at my outfit I was planning to wear.

"So for tonight, I'm gonna be wearing this black velvet skirt, which has pockets. God bless." I giggled, "And then I'm gonna wear this grey, key-hole cut top, and black thigh boots."

I slowly started to apply my makeup, starting with some foundation. "Let's see what the first question is..."

I scrolled through my replies on twitter, screenshoting a bunch. "Well, as guessed, the number one question is am I dating Colby?"

I sighed, patting my foundation on more. "No, I'm not dating Colby. We're really good friends and we're super close. I know some of you saw that post that was going around about me, Colby, Brennen, and Casey. We literally hang out all the time together. We're all just friends, y'all."

As I moved on to my eyeshadow look, I saw another question. "’How did you and Colby meet?’"

"Casey has been friends with all the Trap House boys for a while, and me and her have been friends for a couple years now. We decided to take a trip out to LA for a bit as a graduation gift to ourselves, and she surprised me by telling me she's friends with all of them. I met Corey first, and then I was introduced to everyone else right afterwards." I admitted, trying not to ruin the eye look.

I scrolled a little bit further down, coming across he who must not be named. I rolled my eyes. "Someone asked 'do you still hate Travis Marcus?'"

I paused, swiping away the fallout from the eyeshadow. "I never hated him. I still don't hate him. I do think he fucked up by making fun of me, and he hasn't apologized to me since he lied about the whole situation. I don't really want an apology. I'm done talking about it, to be honest. I wish him the best, but I'm done with him."

I cleared my throat, applying my blush and highlight quickly. I then looked at my makeup in the mirror next to my camera. "I think... I'm about done with this look. I don't really wear too much makeup to begin with. I'm gonna answer one more question and then I gotta go."

I grabbed my phone, searching through my replies again. A message popped up from Colby with a bing.

Colby: can't wait to see you tonight

I smiled, glancing up at the camera quickly. I finally stopped on another question. "Oh! This is a fun one: 'Will you go on a XPLR trip with Sam and Colby?' Um, no plans yet. However, I'm so down. I love exploring and going to spooky places, so I'm ready whenever they are."

"I think that wraps up everything for this video. Thank you to everyone that asked me questions. Thank you for all the new people that are following me. I appreciate you so much and you mean a lot to me. Hope you all have a good day, and I'll see you next time. Bye!" I waved at the camera for a moment, then reached over and turned it off.

"Are you ready, Skye?!" Casey yelled through my door.

I rolled my eyes, smirking. "Almost! Just gotta change!"

/  /  /  /

"Who's party is this anyways?" I yelled at Casey as we walked past the speakers.

"Uh... no clue. I think it's just some random influencer that invited everyone they could." She replied, linking arms with me as we walked to the backyard of the house.

House... more like mansion...

We shuffled through crowds of people, finally making it to the back. We spotted Colby and Brennen sitting on a lounge chair together next to the pool. They both waved at us as we strutted over.

"Hi baby. Oh... Casey you're here too." Brennen smirked, as he gave me a quick hug.

Casey's face twisted up as she slapped his arm hard. "That's not funny."

Brennen winced, covering his arm. "It was a joke, woman! You know you're my only baby."

He embraced her, placing his mouth against her ear and whispering something to her. Her face relaxed back into a light smile.

Colby pulled me into his lap. Turning my face to his, I wrapped an arm around his shoulder and placed a kiss on his cheek. "Hi Colby."

Colby smiled softly as his arms slid around me, pulling me closer to him. "Hey. I was wondering when you would get here."

"Sorry it took a while. Uber got lost on the way." I whispered.

Colby nodded his head and kissed up my neck. He then buried his face into me, nipping at my skin.

"Colby, stop." I giggled, pulling away from him.

He laughed. "What? Am I not allowed to kiss you?"

I looked into his eyes, noticing how they slowly looked me over. He bit his lip while he stared.

"How drunk are you?" I smirked.

He gasped dramatically. "I've only had one drink. Why? Do I look drunk?"

"Maybe a bit. I only assumed because you're being a little... grabby with me." I responded.

"You just look so sexy, I can't help it." He shrugged smugly.

"'Sexy', huh?" I questioned jokingly.

He brought his mouth to my ear, so only I could hear him. "Good enough to taste."

A shiver ran down my spine. My nails dug into his shoulder for a second. "Colby..."

"What?" He smiled innocently. His eyes bore into mine and I couldn't look away.

"Um... I need a drink. I'm gonna go get one." I stammered, sliding off his lap.

"Okay, babe. Come back soon." He stated.

I nodded my head and slowly walked away. Taking a deep breath, I tried to calm down my heart.

That boy is gonna be the death of me.

I strolled into the kitchen and grabbed a bottle of vodka, pouring a shot and taking it quickly. I needed to take the edge off but didn't really feel like drinking. Cleaning out the solo cup, I filled it with water and gulped it down. My skin felt hot under my clothes, a heat waving down my body. Once I felt sort of calm, I sighed.

Two hands grasped my waist from behind, spinning me around. Lips landed on mine instantly, taking my breath away. I could feel the ring-cladded hands slide down and grip my hips. I smiled into the kiss and pulled Colby's body closer. My hands tightened their hold on his forearms. He bit my lip as he stepped back.

"Sorry... I needed to do that." He mumbled, his voice breathy.

I felt my heart beat speed up. A growing want settled in my mind and body. I needed him. Right now.

Should I do this?

"Fuck it." I grunted.

I clutched Colby's wrist and dragged him to the nearest bathroom. I yanked the door opened, pulling him inside and slamming the door shut.

Colby laughed. "What are you-"

I cut off Colby with my lips, wrapping my arms around him and gripping his hair. He moaned against my mouth and pressed me up against the counter. His hands slid down my thighs as he hoisted me up onto the counter. I immediately wrapped my legs around him, pushing my body into his. His tongue slipped into my mouth, his fingers dancing along my sides. A moan escaped my mouth as he bit my lip teasingly. A hand slithered up my back and into my hair, tugging. My head fell back, and he began to attack my neck with his tongue and teeth, leaving wet marks up and down my throat.

"Fuck, Colby." I gasped.

He smirked against my skin. My hands wandered up the front of his shirt, caressing his torso. His lips left my neck for a moment as he ripped his shirt off, pushing himself back into me. Our lips attached again, my legs wrapped around his hips. My fingertips dug into his shoulders and waist as we started to grind against each other. His hands pushed up my skirt, making sure I was as close as possible.

My breath hitched in my throat as he slid a finger up my thigh and started rubbing my clit.

"You're so wet." He hissed.

I nodded. "All for you."

He bit his lip, his finger slipping away. He groaned as he stopped his movements slowly.

"What are you doing?" I whined, breathing heavy

He sighed. "I'm sorry. I know... I instigated this. But... we can't do this."

"Why?" I asked, my legs falling off his hips.

"I don't want our first time to be in a bathroom at a random party. As much as we both want it right now, I'd rather not do it here." Colby admitted, keeping his head down.

Our first time... my first time...

"Right." I cleared my throat. "...Okay."

"You're not mad?" He questioned, glancing up at me.

I smirked. "Frustrated... sexually. But not mad."

He chuckled. "Good. I would hate for you to be mad at me."

I leaned forward, kissing him sweetly. "How could I ever?"

/  /  /  /

After our almost first time in the bathroom, we calmed down and went back to the party. We spent the rest of the time chilling with Casey and Brennen. We all called it a night early, deciding the party wasn't as interesting as it had seemed to be.

Casey and I got home, changed, and ordered pizza. We sat in the kitchen, eating immediately.

"That party was such a bust." I remarked, biting into my slice.

She agreed. "I'm surprised it was that boring. Most LA parties I've been to are so much fun."

I paused for a moment, needing to open up. "Me and Colby almost had sex tonight."

Casey choked on her pizza slightly. "What? Where is this coming from? Subtlety just isn't your strong suit, huh?"

"What? I need to talk about it!" I exclaimed, giggling.

"Well, why didn't you have sex?" She inquired.

"He stopped us before we could."

"Again?"

"...Yeah. He said he didn't want our first time to be in a bathroom at a party. Which I understand." I replied.

Casey raised an eyebrow at me, putting her pizza down. "Our first... you haven't told him you're a virgin?"

I shook my head. "No."

"Why?" She asked.

"Because.... I just can't." I sighed, continuing. "What if he finds out and backs out of it? Or thinks I'm weird for being one at twenty-three?"

"Out of all the boys in the universe to be that douchey, Colby would not even fall in the same category. You know he's not gonna judge you." Casey stated.

"I don't think he is like that, but in a worse case scenario, he could be. I can't take that chance. I care about him too much for this minor detail to fuck up everything." I grumbled.

"Why would you want to be with someone that would do that to you though?" Casey responded.

"I know Colby isn't gonna be like that, regardless of if I tell him or not. But I can't. I'm embarrassed enough about it as it is. Besides, it's not that big of a deal." I insisted.

"He might want to know." She mumbled.

"Well, if he asks... I'll tell him. But otherwise, he won't know." I said.

"Are you ever gonna tell him?" She questioned, leaning on the counter.

I shrugged. "Maybe one day."

"You do realize we're gonna be leaving soon? If you plan to have sex with him, you might want to do it ASAP." She chuckled, walking out of the kitchen.

Fuck... she's right.

<< CHAPTER 19 || CHAPTER 21 >>

[crystalkleure]

Pluto from Beyblade lmao

Ah Yes, The Apocalypse Sure Does Seem Like Fun! xdfcdxdfcgv extremely valid [also I love his haircut and stupid clothes…first a Cult Potato Sack and then he shows up in a Spiffy White Suit for the Armageddon Party]

My turn!

Melone from JJBA! [Vento Aureo, specifically]

He’s a horny fucking freak lmao. One lady bitch-slapped him for being a creep and he liked it. Licked her hand while it was buried in his face.

Even his fellow Cold, Hardened Mafia Hitmen think he’s a scummy pervert vfcdxfdcgvgv LOOK AT THE WAY THEY LOOK AT HIM HERE:

He absolutely deserved the stupid fucking way he died [stuck his tongue out Too Far Too Much and got it bit by a venomous GiornoSnake THAT WAS ON FIRE, went out making a goddamn Ahegao face xdcfvgcgv rest in piss, purple bastard], I just Really Really like his design a lot, he is Super Pretty, and I think it’s funny as hell to watch him just constantly get dunked on. That’s literally all it took to hook me lmfao I Am That Shallow. But I am probably gonna get absolutely flambéed for this eventually because UH…..Oh man, I gotta warn anybody I’ve just accidentally tricked into thinking they maybe wanna look this character up, haha………

[[tw for faux-sexual assault under the cut? HE DOESN’T ACTUALLY DO ANYTHING QUITE THAT FOUL but the way he SAYS shit is absolutely fucking atrocious…he scares the crap out of one woman, but, then…evidently didn’t actually have any intention of doing That to her? Still, don’t read this if alluding to that sort of thing freaks you out and Do Not Investigate Melone]]

…His stand ability is AH. BAD. VERY BAD…sort of. He, like, sticks a Little Bit Of Stand Magic inside someone and then it grows like a parasite?? HE CHOOSES TO REFER TO THIS AS IMPREGNATION in spite of the fact that no…actual sexual assault has occurred at all?? It does not involve reproductive organs of either party and the little stand parasite thing just Kind Of Appears after literally a couple of minutes. I think it materialized out of the woman’s back?? Scene was a little unclear, but it was VERY clear about where it did NOT come from. [Fuck, does he even NEED to use a woman for this?? Are we SURE??] MELONE JUST CHOOSES TO MAKE THIS WHOLE PROCESS SOUND AS WEIRD AND GROSS AS POSSIBLE. When it’s apparently just more like “Here, hold my leech for a minute” *slaps a bitey slug on your arm* *bitey slug absorbs your Brain Data instead of your blood*??? SO HE ABSOLUTELY HAD ALL THE POTENTIAL TO NOT BE QUITE AS TERRIBLE AS HE IS AND HE JUST OPTED NOT TO TAKE IT. PURELY BY POWER OF EXTREMELY BAD PHRASING.

So yeah this guy would um, definitely trigger some folks, watch out.

Also he’s one of those “What’s personal space lol” sorts of guys, and I genuinely can’t tell if he’s deliberately, maliciously trying to make the people he’s harassing uncomfortable/frightened, or if he’s just so wrapped up in his own nastyass thoughts that he’s not really thinking about it. I think it might be the latter but IS THAT REALLY EVEN ANY BETTER THOUGH, CONSIDERING………………..

To his credit, he actually tried to stop his weird stand spawn thing from eating the lady it cloned its personality from because apparently it Was Not Actually Supposed To Do That, but it didn’t fucking listen to him and then stole his motorbike lmfao

[laketaj24]

Mended III

Author’s Note: Hey!! I apologize that it has taken forever to update this series, but I sincerely appreciate you patience!! Thank you @slimmiyagi for the motivation! It’s a been a little bit since I wrote Erik but I hope you enjoy!! Let me know what you think! Also I think some of my people are gone via Tumblr breakdown 2018 lol so my taglist is open!! I still accept Black Panther Request. I just don’t get too many these days.

Black Panther Masterlist

Warnings: Smut.

Mended I, Mended II

Collin: The states would look lovelier if I saw you.

You didn’t respond to the text message as you flipped the phone back over on the counter. It was one time, well three times. Three wonderful times you didn’t want Erik to know about, three times you had forgotten about yourself. The text messages from Collin started over a week ago. He was back in town from England and of course the first person he hit when he got back in town was you.

The fling between you two was short lived and by short you meant short. The blond haired, blue eyed terror was someone you used to forget Erik. He was the opposite of him. A spite fuck almost.

Your day was to frenzied for this anyhow. The twins were having a birthday party and every drop of your attention had been diverted to them. Everyone was expected over to your house in a matter of hours. And hardly any of the things in the list you had made were done. The food was started but the boys were still with N’jobu. But Erik didn’t seem to mind as he walked around the backyard working on the setup. The recent months had changed between you two. Things were no longer strained. There were no two separate homes. He sold that whore-pad on the North and moved back home.

You really couldn’t be happier, even if he had some control issues, you two were still working on. It was better than cheating.

“What are you burning?” Erik asked as he stepped behind you.

“Uh, excuse me?” You turned to him. The beard was growing back. You cheered silently at the small growth on his chin and put the spoon up to his lips. “I don’t burn shit. Thank you kindly.”

“I’ll be the judge of that.” His full lips went over the spoon and his tongue swiped out over your finger. “The cook taste better.” He shrugged as he pinned you against the counter.

You rolled your eyes. You didn’t have time to have sex with him. Y’all sessions tended to last for hours and you didn’t really have time for it. You push his hard chest away from your body, but you can feel him already strained against his sweats, eager and ready. “No sir, the chef isn’t on the menu.”

“She always on the menu.”

His hands explored as they always did down the side of your neck with ease. They danced leaving small tingles each place he touched. “The food can simmer for a while.”

It always started in the kitchen for you two. You shake your head and laugh. “Erik, give me some time to get this ready. Your aunt and cousin are coming! They are coming all the way from…” words evade you as you feel his tongue dance along the line of your neck and his lips latch on to your neck and suck. He knew things about you. Your spots. Your triggers. And that soft spot was a trigger.

“It won’t take long. You can have the time in the world.” And with that he flips you over pressing your stomach against the chilled counter. The hard smack to your ass sends a reverent sting through your body and you suck the air through your teeth savoring the feeling. It’s instincts as your arch your back and he admires the curve of the nape of your back. He rubs from nape to the cusp of your ass and then grips. “All daddy’s ass.” He brags as he administers another sharp blow to your ass. You hum with excitement as you feel the breeze of cold air when he lifts the dress over you. “You like that?”

“Yes.” You answer as he rubs your bare ass this time.

“Let’s see how much.” His arm snakes around your waist and even though you knew where it was headed you can’t help but to jump at the rush of pleasure you feel when his thick fingers intrude your slick folds, right to your clit. He starts with small circles. He presses applying the smallest amount of pressure and then adds more sending you writhing for him. “Calm yourself, I haven’t even started yet.”

That’s what worried you. You didn’t have time for the finessing today. You needed to nut and finish the damn food. You thrust yourself onto his fingers hoping to rush him along, but he stops you with a quick spin and his fingers on your chin. He drags a finger down your lips. You can taste the sweetness of yourself and you can feel yourself growing even more intrigued. “What you tryna do?”

“I gotta cook.”

“I said don’t worry about that shit.” He warned. “So, don’t worry about that shit.” He drops to his knees finding his way beneath your skirt. His tongue enters you and your hands are in his head missing those short dreads you used to use to anchor yourself you settle for the back of his head, coaxing him to give you more. He grips your thighs as he laps his tongue over your clit a few times and sucks causing your head back.

You’re not sure how you made it up the steps so fast, but you don’t care as Erik undoes his belt and wraps it around your wrists a few times and then tightens it. He drapes your arms over the bed post and looks down on you with excitement. “Ain’t no running up in here now.” He nestles himself between your legs and pins them to the bed. You were already soaking and wet for him and to be honest you didn’t even know if your body could take another one. His thick tip prods at your entrance and you buck you’re hips against him, urging him. “Greedy ass.” He says pushing you back down on the bed before snapping his hips to yours and filling you completely.

You pull at the restraints as you long to rake your fingers down the slope of his back. No matter how many times you two fucked he still fucked you like it was the first time, filling you to the hilt and then sliding back out of you. “Ah fuck ma. Still so fucking tight. You keep that tight for daddy don’t you.”

You couldn’t form words only shake your head while dragging your teeth over your bottom lip in pleasure. He slammed into you again, bottoming out and tapping your g-spot in one fucking stroke. Your legs start to writhe under him but his weight locks them beneath him, making you feel tighter around his veined dick.

“I wanna hear you answer me. What you quiet for?” he slaps your thighs and spreads your legs farther apart as his winds his hips to get deeper. “Answer me.”

“Yes daddy.” At this point you didn’t even know what you were agreeing to, you just knew that you about cum and lose every ounce of self-control you ever had.

“You about to cum ain’t you?”

“Yes.”

“Nah you ain’t.” He laughed as he slowed his strokes and the build up that had started stopped. “you can hold that shit.”

You scoffed making your body winds against his faster and he laughed. “You really trying me ain’t you. Hold it.” He slammed into you again and again. Your whole body started to numb and there was no way you would be able to hold it. Your walls gripped him, shuttering as he sped up and you tried to breathe through and then it happened. You came with a shiver down your spine that sent fireworks through your entire body.

Erik shook his head with a grin on his face as he started to find his own high, drilling into you over and over until he found his own climax shortly after.

Erik’s body glistened as he stood up in the afterglow of sex. Fuck he was sexy. Your body ached. The last thing you wanted to do was be a host. “You better get up and prepare to be Mrs. Stevens. Start with that head. It’s fucked up.” He teased.

“It was fine fucking earlier. Now I gotta rock a ponytail.” You rolled your eyes as you rolled out of bed. “Ain’t no telling how many calls I done missed. I bet Nakia and Ko are freaking out at Party supply. I sent them for some napkins but they’re like some fucking kids.”

“Man, you should have sent T’Challa. His ass gotta one track mind.” He stepped into the adjacent bathroom and started the shower water. “Get in the tub. I’ll check on the food and join you aight?”

“Look at you being Mr. Sweet.”

“I mean I just blew your back out, the least a nigga could do is get you clean.” He pecked your cheek and disappeared down the hall.

You liked that you were already naked. You stepped into the steaming water and washed up humming music under your breath. Everything was back to how it was before the shit was done. It was truly mended. Never had he been this sweet to you before, second chances worked sometimes. You douse the towel in the Dove body wash for the second towel and hear the door open. “I forgot to tell you that Ramona said that she was bringing games! She said she got shit from when you was younger.”

“Oh yeah for real?” You watch through the glass as he perches himself on the bathroom counter. “She was always good at them games.”

“I know, it why she said she was bringing them. You gotta play with the boys. They are gonna freak out.” You peak out noticing the pink phone in his hand. “What are you doing with my phone E?” You laugh. “Kia text?”

“Yeah her and yo’ boy Collin. Sound like a god damn colonizer”

The shower water was the only sound in the bathroom as you closed your eyes shaking your head. “Why are you going through my phone, I don’t go through yours.”

“Tell another motherfucking lie.”

“Did I text back! Put my shit down.” Your voice is clipped as you opened the door. You snatched the black towel from the rack.

“You fucked him?”

“A while back does it matter?”

“It matters because you fucking lied to me. Only you.” He mimicked your voice. “It’s only been you. You been up here fucking Carlton the Colonizer the whole god damn time! It does fucking matter. We said no god damn secrets.”

“It ain’t a secret.”

“It’s not any fucking more!” He yelled back at you. His voice echoed off the walls. “Y/N you really think it’s not a big deal? But let there be a fucking Becky in my phone you don’t know about and you would lose your shit!”

“Erik! What you want? You want me to apologize? I am sorry I fucked him. Are you happy?”

“Nah keep that shit.” He tossed your phone onto the counter.

“Erik!”

It was hard to go after him butt ass naked so you shuffled into your clothes and tried to make it down the steps but you didn’t make it in time. The silver car sped down the road and there you stood, freshly fucked and fucked up.

 The guest arrived one by one and you held it together. The fake smiles hid the fact that you were about to lose it. This was supposed to be the day that you and Erik were reunited as a couple in front of everyone you loved and Collin had royally fucked that up for you. You dialed his number a few times. Each time it rang a few times and the stupid ass voicemail came on:

It’s E. You know what to do.

Y/N: Erik people are coming and the boys will be back any minute. Can you please come back? Please?

You hang up the phone dialing the number again and this time it rattles on the receiver and he answers.

“E’s phone.” The female voice said. “What’s good?”

  Tagging:  @challaxkillmonger @wakanda-inspired @misspooh @valynsia @vanitykocaine @harleycativy  @jecourt @virgosapphire79 @sparklemichele @theunsweetenedtruth @ahhhhkeya @iamrheaspeaks @thiccdaddy-mbaku @muse-of-mbaku @myboyfriendgiriboy @someareblindtoitsbeauty @brittyevans @almostpurelysmut @readsalot73 @eriknutinthispoosy @amethyst1993 @ivarsshieldmadien @slimmiyagi @cinnabearice @royallyprincesslilly @hutchj @igetcarriedawaywithyou @madamslayyy @nickidub718 @bakaris-shorty @scrumptiouslytenaciouscrusade @allhailnjadaka @hearteyes-for-killmonger @dynastylnoire @destinio1 @panthergoddessbast @im5ftbutmythroat66 @whoramilaje @marvelpotterlove

[warmbeebosoftbeebo]

Hey, I’m the anon that asked panicsinning about the daddy thing. I’m seeing it in a significant portion of the fics I try to read at the minute (not just Brendon fics, but I seem to find more of them with him!) and I’m not into it at all. It kinda sucks. There are so many other ways to write a dominant Brendon, if that’s what people want, but as soon as I see the daddy thing I gotta close the tab like no thank u. And especially if he’s said it makes him uncomfortable

i think we’re dealing with the fall out of a generation of 90s and 2000s people raised on internet porn. i’ve noticed–this is evident on wattpad n tumblr especially–that a lot of smut is written by junior high n high school girls too, whose go to source is other smut fics by youn’uns n internet porn. like you could see that at work too on aooo n livejournal, but that stuff tended to be more grounded in real life experience/realistic n the writers skewed older–late teens n 20s on those–recorded porn was also less…fucked up in the 90s-early 00s n things that are mainstream now used to be fringe n avoidable. another thing i’ve noticed in fics: lack of solidarity with other women and girls–a lot of monstering of other females, who are usually portrayed as “whores” (this has a long history though–i remember the good girl/bad girl dichotomy in a lot of romance novels, vc andrews books, etc–tv shows n movies based around conflict between girls, the idea that women and girls are crueler to girls than boys are when the reverse is true, women getting angry at the “other woman” and not their dickhead men)

(trigger warning for me ranting about the content of pornography, the sexual status quo, etc)

i watched straight porn from about 8-12 from 95-99 and i don’t remember ever seeing pia for example. porn is now absolutely obsessed with men anally penetrating women with their dicks (if you are on a porn site, you will quickly see it guaranfuckingteed), particularly the damage that can result from it (eg “gaping,” women saying they can’t handle it *on camera* and the scene still continuing, “she’ll need an ambulance when we’re done with her”). there wasn’t much “deep throat”/”throat fucking” fellatio (i hate those terms–we are looking at throat rape) either, but now porn is obsessed with that too. it also used to be more about showing at least the performance of female pleasure and orgasm (usually faked of course) but now that is largely irrelevant and clear indications of pain are not only kept in, but intentionally there. piv that’s not a cervix bashing is hard to find, scenes without piv even harder (and they’re usually brief clips), and “sex” for men generally and pornographers in particular starts at piv–like if there isn’t at least “regular fucking” it doesn’t even register as sexual and worth watching to most.

“vanilla porn” has a lot of bdsm themes in it as discussed above as well as slapping, spitting, ejaculating on women’s faces, misogynist namecalling, “ass to mouth” and the hetero bdsm porn online is absolutely–we’re talking witch hunt and slavery levels of torture. in both, women are punished for the crime of being born female. based in aggrieved male entitlement–like men are punishing women for having any boundaries, desires of their own, telling them no outright or no to certain sex acts. any sexuality in women reduced to “fuck hole” (or a dewey eyed bisexual–tropes around female-female sexuality in porn are more varied i will admit but ultimately about viewer, typically male, titillation. femdom is also usually paid for by the man, and all about what he wants, and most of the domination and pain is both mild in comparison to what women are put through and based in feminizing him–comparing him to a woman, calling him gay, saying he has a small “ineffective” dick, calling his anus a pussy, etc. women are also often in absolutely ridiculous uncomfortable outfits n shoes.). a lot of humiliation, dom/sub–it’s really difficult for me to watch but it’s like men are in a contest with each other, expressing sexuality together, with women as the targets–seeing who can humiliate and hurt women the most–make her wish she’d never been born. man=sadist, and female=hole. (and a lot of the women making porn play that same game too.)

under this, girls are developing their sexuality, with the above porn online, and either just a general lack of information from school and parents, or a specifically religious tinge to discussions of sexuality as being sinful, shameful in women (and gay/bi men). sex=piv=sex, and pia is 5th base and you shouldn’t have hang ups about fucking bc it’s what girls and women are made for and like. things that women can do together don’t get transferred to sex with men at all, or at best MAY make it in as foreplay–sex is pole in hole, silly ho–not rubbing off on him (esp if you want to rub on a part or in a position that makes him feel like a girl), or getting oral, or masturbating in front of him, or him using his hand on you, or using toys together… women and girls are the gatekeepers for male sexuality and responsible for men’s actions and either natural saints or whores who need to either save men from the bad women (who deserve what men do to them, regardless of how cruel or sadistic or destructive–she wanted it if it happened at all–made him do it) or embrace their roles as cumsluts (liberated sexuality is doing what the pornographers tell you to, you go girl and suck that cock and have piv while you have few if any orgasms, don’t even feel that turned on and comfortable, and just put on a good show! lol don’t you know that focusing on yr clit n vulva is for masturbation and girl-girl action, if you focus on that silly part at all. or just rub your clit while he’s using whichever of your holes he wants–the sex positive solution. or spend years thinking you’re broken, to find out not orgasming during piv is normal, and just continue having it n taking hormonal birth control n praying for your period to arrive on time.)

there is a lot telling women and girls to find dangerous, possessive, sadistic, controlling, etc men sexy, and obviously this works–increasingly women are consuming porn, the success of the twilight novels, 50 shades of abusive gaslighting n pitying the poor poor dude who is just a hurt puppy (who can fucking kill you), advising already traumatized women to “work through their trauma” with a male sadist/top, telling women and girls that “daddy kink” is hot as fuck (ignore the fact that father-daughter incest is probably statistically the most traumatic form of child sexual abuse there is n hide it behind “it’s just a bit of kinky fun n letting him feel like a real man n letting you surrender to yourself n letting him take care of you” gaslighting), the whole mess of “sex positive feminism” (this is not what anne koedt, shere hite, audre lorde, etc were talking about folks) and repainting feminism (the fight for women’s liberation from patriarchy and the end of male violence) as about consumerist choices (particularly around conforming to beauty standards, partaking in prostitution industries) and saying women are not a class and women aren’t oppressed because of male desire to control our sexuality and reproduction but because we have inner feminine souls/brains and if you’re not a walking stereotype n don’t feel like one you’re not really female n sex is a free for all n not political at all (except for slutshaming bc women often are what men call us n shouldn’t be shamed for it–we should embrace it as empowerment) n trust women unless they say something you don’t agree with then they are monsters who kill with their words unlike men (even the ones who do kill) who aren’t why we feel unsafe (those bad women over there made them do it n besides, women are worse than men)… 

holy fuck this is quite the rant! i need to get back to writing the smutty times with beebs ;)

tl;dr this environment is ripe for girls finding “daddy kink” sexy because it encapsulates more explicitly what flows through our everyday sexual lives, media, etc. already. like the question shouldn’t be “why are some into daddy kink” but “why is there an intense focus on dom/sub, top/bottom, adult/child, male/female, penetrator/penetrated… dichotomies and roles in the first place?” or “how could so many *not* be drawn to it?” i remember reading explicit romance novels and this dom/sub, piv-oriented, etc relation was as common as air in them (they were generally way worse than graphic western novels n even worse than a lot of recorded porn back then), even the ones where the women were into equality outside of the bedroom. you can also see this in gay porn, where there is also this focus on pia and top/bottom roles, changing the way gay men have sex outside of porn too–like older gay/bi men see pia and roles attached to it as far less pivotal in their understanding and experience of sex than young gay/bi men do. (jesus christ gal get back on topic…) 

daddy/little (or kitten or princess or slut or…) confirms the way things should be: male control, authority, female deference, submission, etc. independence in women is punished. female desire for sexual pleasure and affection is denigrated. the amount of fics where women are punished or shamed for masturbating in front of him or on her own or rubbing herself on him by the daddy/dom! i can’t even… told not to, called bad for doing it…had their hand slapped away…physically punished for doing it. it’s seen as a distraction from the man’s Very Important Stuff at best, whether that stuff is nonsexual or what he wants to do to her sexually. sexuality is presented as a punishment for women (not so far from god’s condemnation of eve are we?), but something we desire simultaneously. like we should be punished for wanting, as if our wanting men or a man means we should be hurt by him/them. spanking is a humiliation and pain ritual a la abusive fathers with belts/forceful hands/tree branches/whips through the patriarchal ages, creating welts and tears and humiliation. females are *done to* and males *do*. even sucking dick becomes something men do to women by pushing her head down, pushing into her throat, etc as tears well up. outside of fic, women take painkillers and use numbing gels to endure it. the sexiest women are like little girls, and the sexiest men are controlling fathers. men *have to* hurt us, to let us know what we did wrong, so we can try to behave better next time. women need someone telling them what to do, when to do it, how to do it. telling us and showing us what we are for. men need to feel like real men, and women like real women–nothing is worse than an uppity woman making a man feel like a he’s not an avatar of masculinity, or however he sees himself–quit trying to emasculate men, unless they are into forced feminization of course n are paying for you to do what they want you to, are topping from the bottom. never challenge male self-image, especially in sex. know your place, and tell yourself you are precious, and cared for, and pampered by a benevolent master. daddy kink is the sexiest sex to ever sex, n vanilla is just so boring… why settle for lights out missionary piv when you can be choked n slapped n entered anally? those are your two choices. you’re not a prude are you? quit being so sex negative. quit policing these wild sexy desires in people. quit erasing and killing us with anything you might think or say to contradict this.

we live in a world where men get away with murdering women based on “rough sex gone wrong” defenses, even to the point where people think it reasonable that a native woman in prostitution bled to death after “consensual” piv with a john (when he likely sliced open the inside of her vagina with a knife based on the extent of her injury, let alone the belief that lethal injury can be consented to period let alone within prostitution), athletes are acquitted of rape when they gang rape a woman into several hours of bleeding from a vaginal injury (and she named it rape from the get go, the men were bragging and trying to get her to keep quiet), wives are murdered by boyfriends in “50 shades games gone wrong” that *she* wanted (considering she is the dead one not him...), people think *unconscious* women and girls are “consenting” whether strangled into unconsciousness or drugged or sleeping..., and another woman was literally choked to death during throat rape by the man she loved (the focus in that courtroom and the media? His allegedly big dick--how could he have helped himself, not killed her, with such a big cock? Injuring women with big dicks is so entertaining n humourous!). A male sadist is more likely to kill you than give you an amazing time in bed. More likely to claim it’s all fun n games when numerous women accuse him of sexual, physical and psychological abuse than actually help those or any other women have a good time in bed.

[cminjae-blog]

◦ * ✧ . ⋆ ˚ hi hi everyone !! i’m liv (eighteen, she/her) & please allow me to introduce you to the fluffiest ball of all fluff balls, needs-attention-all-the-time-but-not-so-much-or-else-he’ll-bite-you, the he protecc but also attacc kinda guy you might see walking around and also a stubborn little dreamer: my baby, CHOI MINJAE !! i’ve left all of his bg story (and a few extra thingies) under the cut so you can get a glimpse at this guy’s dark past and join me in the minjae protection squad lmao jks (๑˘︶˘๑) SO if you’d like me to go to your chat so we can discuss possible connections (besides the ones i mentioned down below), just press the little ♡ and i’ll be right there !! NOW let’s talk business !!

—— trigger warnings: homophobia, mentions of physical & verbal violence, some family issues and panic attacks.

throughout his entire life, struggling is a word minjae could always relate to the most. his family was poor, his social anxiety didn’t allow him to have any real friends in school and his parents were barely home, trying to make literally any money so they’d be able to survive.

the thing is, he was never a planned thing. his parents always tried to hide it, but minjae wasn’t dumb; never had been, to be quite honest. he knew he had been an accident, an unwanted addition to the family, since they were already – once again – struggling to feed two mouths. three would be too much, right? it was a stretch, but they managed.

growing up in the city of daegu, he’d always been a bit more closed off. in school, he always tried to keep his cool and stay under the radar of everyone else, happily succeeding in that. he was still a kid, yes, but a kid with many problems and not as many solutions to those problems. thankfully, he always tried his hardest in school, knowing (even in the young age of ten) that that was probably the only thing that could help his parents in the future. maybe, if he studied hard enough, he’d be able to make money to help his family.

the teenage years came, and with them, the opening of the flower button inside minjae. socializing was something that came naturally for him once he entered high school. of course, he was still very hesitant about every single little thing, but as he let his walls down, making friends wasn’t actually that difficult. sure, he could talk to just a few people, but that was way more than he’d ever been able to do before. he was happy with his own accomplishments.

of course, all good things must come to an end. and that end came by the end of his second year of high school. minjae had been frequenting a few parties and some get-togethers organized by his circle of friends, and it was all fun and games, so he’d never imagine that a photo of him kissing one of his – guy – friends would get leaked. that was really the lowest point of his life, what with literally all of his friends (including the one he’d kissed) dropping him from their lives, claiming that he was “gross” and they “couldn’t hang out with people like him”. he even escaped some beatings here and there, being small and able to run away faster than anyone could catch him.

things really only got worse when that picture got to his parents. he didn’t know how, when or who sent it, but someone did, and he found himself being cornered by his father on a gloomy thursday night. minjae really doesn’t remember much from that moment, since he chose to shove the memory to the back of his mind so it wouldn’t hurt as much anymore, but one thing was certain: he got kicked out of the house at the age of eighteen, with nothing but a backpack filled with his things and a hand mark on his face from the slap he’d gotten. it was depressing and not something he wanted to deal with, but he could’ve seen it coming.

he gathered all of his savings from every single job he’d ever taken or contest he’d won ever since he was around thirteen and got into a plane to jeju after sleeping on some benches in daegu for one or two nights. minjae knew some people who’d come from there and he hoped to get to make a living on the island, find a job and start his life again. it was the best possible outcome.

arriving on jeju, minjae rented a small hotel room for an entire month with basically the rest of his savings, having to cut short on food for a while. he went out to look for a job, not getting lucky for a bit more than two weeks before he finally found a restaurant in need of a busboy and he didn’t even think twice before applying. thankfully, he got to work soon.

but it wasn’t enough. of course it wouldn’t be enough; it wasn’t a high paying job, after all, even if the restaurant was a nice one. so during one of his nights out to think about what he was doing with his life, he met a guy. considerably older than him, he held promises of money and a good life on his tongue, capturing minjae and making the young man pay a visit to the strip club he ran. it wasn’t long until he was being dragged into that place as a real stripper, something he’d never even considered, but it seemed like an option that could work. maybe.

at first, he was hesitant; afraid of everyone and everything, not knowing what to do during half of the time and needing help from his colleagues, but eventually he got the hang of it. suddenly, stripping came to him as more of an enjoyment than something he felt obligated to do. sure, he kept his busboy job, since he was good at it (as dumb as it sounded). he needed money, stripping and cleaning tables did the trick for him.

being in the business for around four years, could he ask for something more ?!

◦ * ✧ . ⋆ ˚ BONUS STUFF !!

he may be a little difficult to deal with at first, but eventually his walls come down and he turns into this soft, extra clingy baby !! just gotta be patient lmao

growing up in a poor family and then on his own with barely no money for food, minjae learned to not eat much. that being said, he’s really skinny to the point where anyone would think he’s not healthy, but he promises he is !!

he’s also always had a bit of an issue with his own body; being a stripper helped him overcome that, what with the looks he got in the club whenever he went up to the stage. in some distorted way, it gave him life.

his favorite color is orange bc it reminds him of the cat he once took care of; it lived on his street and he never got to know its gender or give it a name, but he liked to give it food whenever it could (even if food was still something he shouldn’t be wasting like that). he’s just glad his parents never found out.

when minjae got kicked out, he doesn’t even know how he had managed to survive, crying himself to sleep almost every day. sometimes his mind gets filled with memories from past struggles and he finds himself feeling out of breath, choked, trying so much to stay calm and relaxed as his world starts to spin. it’s something tough to overcome, but fortunately it doesn’t happen often, so he’s okay (for now).

minjae might have had some issues in the first months he spent in jeju, but eventually his life got progressively better and nowadays he lives in a small apartment with a guy who actually managed to put up with his shit – juho, a.k.a his angel on earth. 

he gets easily irritated about anything, so a lot of patience is needed while dealing with him. it’s just his defense mechanism to any sort of situation he isn’t used to, what can he do about it ?!

OVER ALL, minjae’s just looking for people to treat him well :( he’s gone through SOOO much, he just wishes to live a happy normal life from now on~ !!

◦ * ✧ . ⋆ ˚ POSSIBLE CONNECTIONS !!

friends that always help each other with their problems (has to be someone minjae really trusts);

drinking buddies;

the good old “partners in crime” concept;

were friends once but something happened and now they can’t stand each other;

flirty friends who are always all over each other but never really make any real moves, it’s all just jokes and fun;

your muse went to the strip club minjae works at and saw him performing and just can’t believe how that small ball of fluff turned into the whole package of sin they saw up on the stage. they make sure to let their curiosity show;

neighbor who minjae always turns to when he needs something because once your muse saw how he almost doesn’t eat anything and wants to stuff him with food;

THAT PROTECTIVE FRIEND who always somehow knows when minjae’s in trouble and does his best to help him !!

internet friends who met over twitter/instagram/facebook/any other type of social media and are now meeting up and omg this is so exciting ?!

also works at the restaurant minjae’s a busboy at;

also works at the strip club;

a crush, maybe ?? on minjae or your muse’s part;

aaaaaaand i have no more ideas lol hmu if you want any specific connections !!