#Please let me know if anyone needs a Melone Warning...ahaha...

[crystalkleure]

Pluto from Beyblade lmao

Ah Yes, The Apocalypse Sure Does Seem Like Fun! xdfcdxdfcgv extremely valid [also I love his haircut and stupid clothes…first a Cult Potato Sack and then he shows up in a Spiffy White Suit for the Armageddon Party]

My turn!

Melone from JJBA! [Vento Aureo, specifically]

He’s a horny fucking freak lmao. One lady bitch-slapped him for being a creep and he liked it. Licked her hand while it was buried in his face.

Even his fellow Cold, Hardened Mafia Hitmen think he’s a scummy pervert vfcdxfdcgvgv LOOK AT THE WAY THEY LOOK AT HIM HERE:

He absolutely deserved the stupid fucking way he died [stuck his tongue out Too Far Too Much and got it bit by a venomous GiornoSnake THAT WAS ON FIRE, went out making a goddamn Ahegao face xdcfvgcgv rest in piss, purple bastard], I just Really Really like his design a lot, he is Super Pretty, and I think it’s funny as hell to watch him just constantly get dunked on. That’s literally all it took to hook me lmfao I Am That Shallow. But I am probably gonna get absolutely flambéed for this eventually because UH…..Oh man, I gotta warn anybody I’ve just accidentally tricked into thinking they maybe wanna look this character up, haha………

[[tw for faux-sexual assault under the cut? HE DOESN’T ACTUALLY DO ANYTHING QUITE THAT FOUL but the way he SAYS shit is absolutely fucking atrocious…he scares the crap out of one woman, but, then…evidently didn’t actually have any intention of doing That to her? Still, don’t read this if alluding to that sort of thing freaks you out and Do Not Investigate Melone]]

…His stand ability is AH. BAD. VERY BAD…sort of. He, like, sticks a Little Bit Of Stand Magic inside someone and then it grows like a parasite?? HE CHOOSES TO REFER TO THIS AS IMPREGNATION in spite of the fact that no…actual sexual assault has occurred at all?? It does not involve reproductive organs of either party and the little stand parasite thing just Kind Of Appears after literally a couple of minutes. I think it materialized out of the woman’s back?? Scene was a little unclear, but it was VERY clear about where it did NOT come from. [Fuck, does he even NEED to use a woman for this?? Are we SURE??] MELONE JUST CHOOSES TO MAKE THIS WHOLE PROCESS SOUND AS WEIRD AND GROSS AS POSSIBLE. When it’s apparently just more like “Here, hold my leech for a minute” *slaps a bitey slug on your arm* *bitey slug absorbs your Brain Data instead of your blood*??? SO HE ABSOLUTELY HAD ALL THE POTENTIAL TO NOT BE QUITE AS TERRIBLE AS HE IS AND HE JUST OPTED NOT TO TAKE IT. PURELY BY POWER OF EXTREMELY BAD PHRASING.

So yeah this guy would um, definitely trigger some folks, watch out.

Also he’s one of those “What’s personal space lol” sorts of guys, and I genuinely can’t tell if he’s deliberately, maliciously trying to make the people he’s harassing uncomfortable/frightened, or if he’s just so wrapped up in his own nastyass thoughts that he’s not really thinking about it. I think it might be the latter but IS THAT REALLY EVEN ANY BETTER THOUGH, CONSIDERING………………..

To his credit, he actually tried to stop his weird stand spawn thing from eating the lady it cloned its personality from because apparently it Was Not Actually Supposed To Do That, but it didn’t fucking listen to him and then stole his motorbike lmfao

[paranoid-rhythm]

Translation: Joker Game Drama CD A Parody Box Full of What-Ifs Part 3

Aaaaaand... this is it, the last track for the latest Joker Game drama CD. I had an attack of the lazies, so this is super late. I deeply apologize for that.

This might be my last (for now) shit post in this fandom. Unless they announce a continuation of this stupid series. lol jk I’ll always be lurking.

Welcome to the D-Agency restaurant. May I take your order?

Warning: Have fun...? Also, as usual, please don’t repost anywhere. Thanks! 

Part 1 - 第1話「RPG Parody~ What If Sakuma-san Became A Hero~」 Part 2 - 第2話「Zoo Parody~ What If Sakuma-san Became a Zookeeper~」

第3話「Restaurant Parody~ What If Sakuma-san Is The Part-timers’ Leader~」

 Sakuma: One gratin, one tomato pasta and two of the chef’s salad!

Fukumoto: Got it! The cheese hamburger is done!

Odagiri: #11’s dessert is also done!

Sakuma: Okay, I’ll go take it! How much time left for #5’s pizza?

Fukumoto: It needs to be in the oven for 2 more minutes, adding the prep time, it’ll be ready at around 3 minutes!

Sakuma: Okay, got it!

Odagiri: I’ll take care of the salad, so please make the gratin and the pasta.

Fukumoto: Yeah.

Sakuma: We’re really swamped today! Huh, speaking of which, where’s Kaminaga?

Odagiri: If you’re looking for Kaminaga, then he’s at a table at the back…

Sakuma: Huh?

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Kaminaga: Eh~ is that so~? Oh, hey, if it’s okay, let’s exchange LINE accounts! When you come again next time, I’ll give you a special discount~!

Sakuma: KAAAAAMIIIIIINAAAAGAAAA!!!!!

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Sakuma: It’s finally calmed down…

Fukumoto: Thanks for the hard work! I’ll start preparing the staff meal now.

Sakuma: Thanks as always, Fukumoto.

Odagiri: I’ve also finished washing the dishes.

Sakuma: Thanks! I guess it’ll be calm until the dinner time rush.

Kaminaga: Good work guys~!

Sakuma: Kaminaga! I’ve told you so many times before! There’s a lot of problems in your work ethic!

Kaminaga: Eh? Did I do something?

Sakuma: Don’t ask for the customers’ contact information! Don’t sit on the table! Idle chatter more than need is just the start of trouble! Lunch time in a family restaurant is a battlefield! Work a bit more earnestly!

Kaminaga: Ehh… no one would want to come in such strict restaurant!

Fukumoto: Though it’s true that there’s problems with Kaminaga, it’s also true that we’re really understaffed.

Odagiri: Though we somehow, barely make it work every day, but there’s gotta be a limit if there’s only 2 people in the kitchen and 2 people in the hall.

Sakuma: B-but still---…!!

Kaminaga: Why don’t you ask the manager about it though? He might actually do something about it. As the part timers’ leader, I’m sure you understand that continuing this way would eventually be bad for us.

Sakuma: W-well, you’re right. Being understaffed means our quality of service is lowered. I’ll try to talk to the manager about it. Oh, a customer. I’ll go then.

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Sakuma: Have you decided on your order?

Hatano: The fried prawn meal set and the drink bar!

Sakuma: Fried prawn meal set and drink bar, okay.

Miyoshi: The meat from this “special demi glaze hamburger”, where is it from?

Sakuma: Uh… I--… I’ll ask the chef about it!

Miyoshi: Also, if you’re just reheating stuff from cold storage, it might have additives and preservatives, so please confirm that as well.

Sakuma: We make everything from scratch, so I think there’ll be none…

Miyoshi: Hmm? Is that so?

Hatano: It’s not like the meat’s gonna be poisonous if it did have some additives. As long as it doesn’t taste weird, then wouldn’t that be fine?

Miyoshi: You ate fried prawns yesterday as well, didn’t you? If you don’t eat a more nutritionally balanced meal, your height would never improve.

Hatano: You bastard--…!!

Sakuma: S-s-sir! P-please calm down!

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Sakuma: Fukumoto, the customer from earlier praised you! He said that the hamburger was delicious!

Fukumoto: Is that so? Thank you very much!

Kaminaga: The narcissistic guy who was so concerned over preservatives?

Sakuma: Hey! Don’t talk of our customers like that!

Kaminaga: Guys like that are all about organic food and natural food, how lame!

Fukumoto: Kaminaga, those two mean the same.

(TN: Kaminaga says “organic” in English and “有機栽培 / yuuki saibai” in Japanese. 有機栽培 = organically grown food.)

Odagiri: Because of Fukumoto’s delicious cooking, our customers have steadily increased, but to the point that we’re so busy, I wonder if this is a good or a bad thing.

Kaminaga: Then why don’t we make the restaurant for reservation-only?

Odagiri: Is there such a thing as a for reservation-only family restaurant?!

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Sakuma: Welcome~! Table for one?

Amari: No, there’s one more…

Sakuma: Ah-! S-sir, I’m sorry but we don’t allow pets inside the restaurant…

Amari: Eh?! Is that so? What do we do now, Frate?

Sakuma: Ahh… you didn’t have to look so disappointed…

Kaminaga: Is anything the matter?

Sakuma: Ah, Kaminaga. This customer here would like a seat with his dog, but we can’t possibly allow them inside the dining area–…

Kaminaga: Then why don’t we set up a table outside?

Sakuma: Huh?

Kaminaga: You know, just like a terrace seat. The weather’s warm today too, so I bet it’ll be perfect outside!

Sakuma: Well, that’s–…

Amari: That sounds great!

Sakuma: Eh?!

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Fukumoto: So, it ended up like that huh?

Odagiri: Only that part looks like an outdoor cafe overseas.

Fukumoto: It’s stylish though.

Kaminaga: Also, bringing the dog along, he’s drawing in the girls.

Odagiri: By “girl” you mean, that little girl?

Sakuma: Well, the customer looks satisfied. It’s all fine then.

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Kaminaga: Thanks for waiting! Your order of beef stockpot set, a large serving of rice, and strawberry pancakes!

Tazaki: Ah, excuse me, I’m the one who ordered the strawberry pancakes.

Kaminaga: I’m sorry! I’ll fix it right away!

Jitsui: It’s alright, it’s a common occurrence, so please don’t mind it.

Kaminaga: *sighs*

Jitsui: Hm? Is something the matter?

Kaminaga: So close… if only you were a girl, I would’ve asked for your contact info!

Jitsui: Ahaha! That’s too bad, isn’t it? Though, I wouldn’t mind if you asked.

Kaminaga: I’m not interested in guys’ contact info though~

Sakuma: KAMINAGAAAAAAAA!!!

Kaminaga: Oh shit, our team leader’s super mad! Well then, please enjoy your meal!

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Sakuma: Good work today! Once you’ve finished with the closing, you guys can go home.

Fukumoto: I want to plan for the desserts that we’re going to serve next month.

Sakuma: That’s fine, but make sure you don’t go home too late, okay? Well then, I’ll go and talk to the manager about hiring new people.

Kaminaga: Good work today~!

Odagiri: Thanks for your hard work.

Kaminaga: New hires huh… what do you think?

Odagiri: We’re a special case after all, and since it’s a chain restaurant, we need to go by the HQ’s guidelines.

Fukumoto: Well, it’s not like we’re hiring a regular, we just need part timers, so I don’t think we still need the HQ’s permission for that, as long as the manager says okay.

Kaminaga: If it’s a cute girl that gets hired, then all the better~!

Odagiri: Earlier, I heard that you were flirting with a cute boy earlier. So you’re up for anything, as long as they’re cute?

Kaminaga: Huh?!

Fukumoto: Sakuma-san was talking about it, about how you don’t care which gender you’re flirting with anymore.

Kaminaga: No! No! I did talk to that guy earlier but not in that sense! It’s not like I asked for his contact info anyway!

Odagiri: There’s only the 2 of you manning the hall, so don’t make too much trouble.

Kaminaga: I get it~ I am working properly~

Odagiri: Oh yeah, weren’t planning for the menu? What are you making?

Fukumoto: I want to make desserts that use melons.

Odagiri: Melons are good.

Kaminaga: I like peaches better!

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*Sakuma knocking*

Yuuki: Enter.

Sakuma: Please excuse me. I’d like to ask for advice regarding the employees--…

Yuuki: About hiring new employees, right?

Sakuma: Ah--… yes!! As of now, the ones assigned in the kitchen are Fukumoto and Odagiri, the ones in the hall are me and Kaminaga, but truthfully speaking, our manpower is not enough, especially during the lunch time rush. I believe that if this continues, we’re going to have complaints.

Yuuki: And so, you want new workers?

Sakuma: Yes. I believe that if we add more manpower, we can serve our customers even more smoothly than how we’re doing currently.

Yuuki: Hm.

Sakuma: *There might be no hope, huh…*

Yuuki: Fine by me.

Sakuma: Eh?!

Yuuki: I’ll be in charge of interviewing new hires.

Sakuma: Is that so? Thank you very much!

Yuuki: You! What do you think is the most important thing that a part-timer must have?

Sakuma: A… a passion for work?

Yuuki: Are you stupid? Such a thing would help nothing. This is what we must look for.

Sakuma: Please excuse me. T-this is--…?! Just what in the world are these conditions!? Do part timers in a restaurant really need these skills?! I’m sure as hell that they don’t!

Yuuki: These requirements must all be met. We don’t need anyone useless, after all.

Sakuma: B-but! I think there’s no one who would clear all this conditions--…!

Yuuki: If there’s no one, then that’s the end of the story. This is good timing too. Make Kaminaga, Fukumoto and Odagiri take this test as well.

Sakuma: T-this is impossible! If they fail, please don’t fire them!

Yuuki: I’ll be the one officiating it. You just stay out of it and do your work as usual.

Sakuma: I--… I understand.

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Sakuma: General knowledge, intelligence, physical prowess, social skills. I thought that there will be no one who would pass with a complete set of all these skills, since the standards are too high. But there were eight men, no eight monsters who were able to pass the bar, one by one.

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Sakuma: So… why did it turn out this way?!

Miyoshi: Wash this plate again!

Hatano: Huuuh?! I’ve already washed it!

Miyoshi: You leave a lot of residue, Hatano.

Hatano: If you’re gonna complain, then wash it yourself!

Tazaki: Ah, ah, don’t fight!

Amari: Ah! This parfait looks good~! Is this a new creation?

Jitsui: Please don’t snitch food, Amari-san!

Amari: I won’t!

Jitsui: There’s already a previous incident, so I can’t trust you.

Tazaki: Is this dish ready to be taken to the customer?

Kaminaga: Ah. I’m the one who took their order, so I’ll take it.

Odagiri: No idle chatting!

Fukumoto: Table 10’s order is up!

Miyoshi: Hm? What’s wrong, Sakuma-san? If you need to do a number 1 or a number 2, then please go ahead.

Sakuma: I don’t need to go to the toilet! *sighs*

Normal employees would’ve been better!