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twirlingsmilingwriting · 9 months

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Tolerate It pt. 3 || Young! Coriolanus Snow X reader

"Took this dagger in me and removed it, gained the weight of you then lose it... If its all in my head tell me now. Tell me I've got it wrong somehow, I know my love should be celebrated but you tolerate it"

You don't need to read pt 1 to understand what is happening but if you want to ITS HERE

Part two is a little necessary but you'll prob catch on. Part two HERE

TLDR: Truly feeling like the luckiest person alive when your former classmate and short-term boyfriend asked you to marry him. Not even a year into the marriage and also a year into his presidency does the original love and admiration you felt for him start to dissipate. You can't help but feel trapped and tricked into a marriage in which he may have never loved you to begin with.

Warnings: Angst, Love-Bombing, marriage, gender ambiguous reader, typical snow tags (manipulation), alcohol, alluding to sexual acts but not described, kissing, unclear motives, crying, death, the reader being so delulu and manipulated omg, slight classism, self unaliving, blood

WORD COUNT: 7k

A/N: This is a dialogue-heavy one. Lots of yappin today y'all. Also a LOT and I mean a LOT darker than the others. I POSTED THIS LAST NIGHT BUT FORGOT TO PUT ANY TAGS SO I GOTTA REPOST IT

The morning light peered through the curtains of our bedroom ever so slightly, just enough that I could feel the warmth on my nose. I scrunched my face and squirmed under the covers. It wasn't until I felt the weight of his body move from beside me and get out of bed, that I reached my arm out for Coriolanus just to be greeted with nothing. I fluttered my eyes open and looked over. I watched intently while he threw on some clothes. God, he was gorgeous. Strikingly blond curls bouncing while he moved, his toned body with broad shoulders, a thin waist, those blue eyes and sharp jaw, he was so stunning. I love my husband so much. I whispered a quick 'good morning' to him and all he could do was hum in response. I sat up in the bed and used the sheet to cover myself up.

"Where are you going, Darling?"

"I have some business to attend to. You wouldn't understand, my beautiful empty head."

Aww. He called me beautiful. He gave me a quick glance before heading out and slamming the door behind him. I got out of bed and scoured the room for something decent to put on. Clothes from the night before had been scattered and I knew I'd have to add laundry to today's agenda. I picked up a white silk shirt from atop the dress and I threw the shirt over my head, I let out a soft sigh, looking over at myself in the tall gold mirror taking note of the smudged makeup and eyeliner that had dried in blackened streaks down my face from last night's tears. Tiny hickies decorated my neck and collarbones and I couldn't stop the smile that spread on my face from the joy I felt from Coriolanus claiming me as his. Gratitude is the best way I can describe the feeling. I am married to the most powerful man in Panem. What could I have done to deserve this?

Our relationship got rocky sometimes, yes, but he was just busy. I can't help but blame myself for how he was treating me after we got married. To be fair, he did just become president. I can't even imagine how stressful that must've been for him. It made sense why it felt like he had no time for me. Last night he admitted he never even knew I felt so neglected, it must've been my fault. Clearly, he loves me right?

Last night, I felt so loved, the way he kissed me and wrapped his arms around me, his aroma filled my senses. He loves me so much, if he didn't he wouldn't be showing me off to a whole nation of people right?

I kept asking myself for reassurance, but I had my answer, no one just marries someone they don't love.

Right?

Of course, he does. I remember when it started, it was real, so real. He's just been so tired these past few months. He has his reasons and I should understand that I can't be so selfish to be in his life taking up too much space and time. I am lucky for the sentences I will get in the story of a monumental man. Looking in the mirror of the vanity, I took a deep breath and smiled in contentment. My eyes continued to scan the display. The vanity was a white desk and drawer set with a large and extravagant mirror outlined with gold. I had hand-painted vines of ivy on the wood. The desk had makeup and my rose-scented perfume. Honestly, I always preferred fruity and sweet scents but Coryo loves it more when I smell like roses. My fingers tapped the delicate glass bottle before I placed it back down and walked to the window to look over the garden where we had the party last night.

Tables were still set up and cups littered the lawn. I giggled a little bit, remembering the fun people were having dancing around the area without a care in the world. There was always a certain type of peace that came after parties when everyone left. Similar to nostalgia where it's that strong sense of bliss but also a certain emptiness that comes from the drop from high emotions and energy to nothingness. Still, the memories of the fun of last night came back to me. A few men dressed in white peacekeeper uniforms started to file into the area and I cocked an eyebrow up in confusion. They must be coming to clean up the trash. My eyes followed them.

That's when I saw it.

The body of a tall man with ginger hair lay lifeless on his back on the stone pathway of the garden. It was the same man that I had talked with last night, Curtis. His eyes were rolled back into his head and speckles of blood could be seen on the corners of his mouth. A cup was held loosely in his hand. I gasped and my jaw hung low in shock. How could this have happened? Did he choke on something? Got into a fight? The peacekeepers started to harshly pick up his body and filed him out. Did Coryo know about this? The blood quickly left my face and I felt a sinking sense of doom in my stomach.

I had only known the man for a moment, but I felt like he was a good man. He didn't deserve whatever happened to him. The peacekeepers left the area and then moments later the maids came in to clean. Tears started to prick the corner of my eyes before I gulped heavily. Maybe he just drank too much last night. The red was just dried wine...

Yes

That made sense right...?

I had to think of something to ease my mind. Maybe I could ask Coryo about it later. More and more maids filed into the area, their black uniforms making the whole scene previously seem more grim. Red started appearing in my teary-eyed peripheral vision and I quickly shut the curtains. My chest heaved up and down as I struggled to catch my breath. I had to collect myself. I probably didn't understand the situation fully, Coriolanus knows what's going on, he always does. I won't worry about it until he comes home. I walked over the desk and wrote little notes for him on a few pieces of paper, scattering them around the bedroom. Then, I went to take a shower. I was going to have lunch with my mother today, I had to get ready.

The doorbell rang and I walked over to answer it. Instantly, my mother had wrapped her arms around me bringing me into a warm hug.

"Y/N! Sweetheart I missed you so much it's been so long," she spoke softly and I couldn't help the childish smile that dragged across my face.

"I haven't seen you since the wedding mom I missed you too," she loosened her grip on me and walked into the house.

"Wow... you truly are living in a life of luxury now sweetie look at this place... I see you put your little artistic flair on things haha," she joked and awed at the size of the house.

"Oh, the little paintings? I didn't think other people would notice them haha, after I dust I like to add the little things and details around. I've been hoping Coryo would notice but he's just a man, and he's so busy and tired all the time I can't blame him for not noticing. You should look at the plates when we eat today! I've been trying to add things to the table wear, which makes eating a lot more fun."

She continued to look around and I watched intently while her eyes followed the small roses, vines, clouds, and butterflies I had painted on the pillars and edges of the house. She then brought her attention back to me and pressed her lips into a thin smile, a glint of sadness was painted into her stormy eyes.

"Sweetheart, you look so thin, are you eating well? He doesn't have you on some crazy diet does he? With the amount of money you guys have I feel like you should be eating three-course meals for every meal..."

"Mom please~ I'm an adult, don't worry about me so much."

"That doesn't answer my question."

"Come on let's go sit down at the table, foods' almost ready." I interlocked my arm with hers and started to guide her to the dining room. We sat facing each other. The chefs cooking could be heard faintly.

"How is the married life treating you?"

"Um... Well honestly mom, it's been rough. I felt like the original spark of our relationship had been extinguished the moment he put this ring on my finger, he had grown very cold and I swear there were days that went by where he didn't even look at me but last night we talked it out. He didn't even know I felt like that so I can't be mad at him"

"Sweetheart, I've been here for about 10 minutes and I can't help but continue to pick up these little details that are showing he isn't treating you the way you deserve. You are smarter than this Y/N I raised a strong fighting spirit, you survived a war with us and never let that darkness cloud the brightness that is your light but right now honey, you seem sad. I don't think your romantic spark is the only thing he's diminishing sweetheart, he's burning you out." Her hand reached out for mine and we interlocked fingers. She looked deeply into my eyes and I watched as the concern grew in hers.

"No mom it's not like that. He's just busy, you should know how hard he's working. I know my place is to sit and listen to him, he's so much wiser than I am. He's a great man and he loves me," I started to get a little defensive but tried to hold my temper. Her lips pursed and she gave my hand another squeeze. It was then the chefs came out and placed our plates in front of us. We sat in silence for a moment while we started to eat.

"You're stubborn I know. The more we tell you to run from him the further it pushes you away from us and closer to him. You should be celebrated, you do so much for this man and he gives you nothing. This... this just doesn't seem healthy."

"Mom. I'm fine. I'm breathing. My health is fine"

"But your soul isn't."

Her words spit venom into me and I froze in place and listened. "Truly, what kind of man doesn't let his spouse see their family more than once every few months. I had to beg him to be able to see you today. We all miss you at home. Hell, I miss you."

Shock ran through my body while I spoke. "He told me you never reached out for these past few months." A chuckle left her lips. "Does that man do anything but lie? I shouldn't be surprised... politicians will always say what you want to hear and what benefits them."

"Mom I- can we please talk about something else? I don't appreciate you disrespecting my husband. I shouldn't have ever said anything. This is why he doesn't want you around is you keep disrespecting him. I promise mom everything is okay. Just rocky sometimes and that's mostly my fault."

Her face scrunched up and she looked away to avoid eye contact. She frowned before taking another bite of the food.

"It just hurts to see you like this... I almost feel like I should've stopped it sooner-"

"Mom," I cut her off and slammed my fist on the table slightly. She quickly shut up again before her lips parted.

"How was the party last night?"

"Lovely, the capital parties are always a joy. Coryo even made a toast to me at the end of the night it was so heartwarming." I smiled, happy she changed the subject. I started to gush about how sweet Coryo was last night to try and defend himself from my mother. I don't understand why all of my loved ones just couldn't seem to like him.

"Did he talk to you?" She asked tilting her head up.

"Who?"

"Curtis."

My face went pale and my jaw dropped. Flashbacks to what I had seen that morning rushed into my mind and I sat there horrified. First was the shock then the confusion.

"He's a friend of your older brother. He's been living with us for awhile while his new house gets built. Your brother asked him personally to come to the party last night to try and talk to you. We weren't sure if we were going to be able to see you today so we were trying to find any way to talk to you and make sure you were okay."

"He um... yes I do believe I talked to him. He was very charming, sweet. He reminded me of someone I used to know but we only talked for a little last night..." I was in a daze while I spoke. I didn't want to talk about Coryo's jealous outburst or what I saw that morning.

"That's good to hear. Y/N how was he last night? He didn't come home last night though. Was he drunk when you left? We've been worried sick."

"He... no he seemed very sober though he did have the confidence of a drunk man." I tried to joke to distract from the adrenaline and fear that was pumping through my veins.

"Sweetheart I can tell when you're keeping things from me. Please, darling you can tell me anything, I'm your mother"

I avoid her eye contact like the plague and continued to eat my food, struggling to swallow.

"It's nothing really, I'm just a little tired today that's all. Mom, eat your food please, it's delicious. How's dad?"

Her suspicious mind was reflected in her suspicious eyes. She was not going to let this go so easily. I could see the same grim expression I had on my face from earlier start to spread on hers.

"The first thing I ever heard about your husband was that any person who got too close to him ended up dead, missing or disgraced. I truly hope you don't follow in those same steps."

"Mom, you guys told me that same line over and over again before we got married and it's not even true. Name one person who he's done that to"

She scoffed and spoke quietly.

"Lucy Gray."

I raised an eyebrow at her in confusion.

"Who?"

"I don't believe you watched The Hunger Games this year, you never liked the blood. There truly isn't any way to confirm this now but Coriolanus was in charge of mentoring a girl from District 12 named Lucy Gray. She was a songbird and I remember the first time I watched her sing on television, it was breathtaking. Rumors spread that your husband fell in love with her and planned to run off with her and then one day, she disappears. Not a single trace left but he returned. He returned to the capital and mysteriously got gifted a scholarship and an internship. That is a shady man."

"Respectfully mom I think you're telling folk tales right now. He told me I was his first love, the first one to make him feel so alive so that can't be true. I've never even heard of this girl. Wouldn't my classmates have said something?"

She shrugged. "I wouldn't say anything to upset the man suspected of such crimes." Suddenly, a peacekeeper walked into the dining room and another followed in. Doors slammed around us and one spoke in a booming voice. "By orders of President Snow, we have been assigned to escort you out of here ma'am" They got on either side of my mom and grabbed her arms.

"There must be some sort of mistake here, it's barely 2, he said I could be here till 3! Let me down!"

I stood there frozen and helpless, I had no clue what to do. I yelled at them to wait but they pulled her out of her seat then started to head out. She started kicking and tried to fight back. "Let me say goodbye! I need a hug! I am the mother here, it's my right to see my child! He sent you guys here huh? Can't stand my kid hearing the truth? All this that's happening to me is his fault!"

"Mama! Goodbye! I love you!"

"He did it Y/N! You know he did it! Don't let it happen to you my love! Fight, there must be a way out! You're better than this. I love you!"

She shouted while they escorted her out. Her voice echoed around the room whispering the words 'He did it'. As much as I shook my head I couldn't stop thinking about it. Sickening silence bounced against the walls while my head ran back everything that had just happened. I couldn't help but let warm tears fall from my eyes while I sat back down in my chair. I'm so confused. I just needed my husband right now. A maid walked in and cleaned up the table and I sat in the chair and cried.

I laid down in bed, sitting up staring at the ceiling. The bed was as comfortable as sleeping on a cloud but I couldn't sleep, nothing could calm the storm in my head. The door handle turned and I saw Coryo glace into the room. His blue eyes made eye contact with mine as he stepped into the room slowly. He shut the door behind him and started to loosen his tie.

"Darling, you're still up?"

"I can't sleep..." I admitted and watched as his plump lips parted to expel a sigh. He started to change into his pajamas.

"Why dear?" He started to crawl into bed and pulled me into him with his strong arms.

"Can I ask you a question?" I felt his grip on me tighten before he nodded and hummed a soft 'yes' into the air. A sigh left my lungs and I pressed my hand against my temples. Where do I even start?

"Coryo... have you ever killed anyone before?"

"W- what?"

I tipped my head up and looked deep into his blue eyes to search for any form of sincerity. "Please be honest with me... please..."

"Darling what could have ever put these sorts of ideas in your pretty little head?"

"Coryo that's not important now please answer me. I just want your honesty here, if you're honest I will not judge you, I- I'll still love you."

The only emotion I could see on his face was panic. He removed his arm from my body and I started to panic in response. He had just started being nice to me again and I was worried I pushed him away. My big mouth just couldn't stay shut.

"Y/N, of course I haven't. Who do you perceive me as? Some kind of monster? The only person I have ever killed is my past self and he had to die so I could be the man I am today, a man ready to love you the way you deserve."

He was rambling and his lack of eye contact made me feel uneasy. I wanted to believe him, I truly did but with the way he was acting, I couldn't wholeheartedly believe him and that made me feel sick. I should not be this distrustful of my husband. I started to zone off, lost in deep thought when his hand met my jaw and he positioned my head up to look at him. "Y/N you trust me don't you? I've done everything for you, you should trust me darling." He planted a quick kiss on my forehead. "I- I believe you Coryo." He smiled down and then pressed a kiss to my lips. I melted against his touch and placed my hands to cup his face. When we pulled away I still couldn't shake the questions that flooded my head. Remembering what my mother said, I couldn't help myself from the words spilling out of my mouth.

"Coryo... one last question, Who is Lucy Gray?"

His lips parted and his eyes frantically started to search my face. "How did you hear about her?"

"Coryo?"

Anger started to flood his eyes and his jaw clenched. Regret filled every part of my body and I sat up on the bed, keeping my hands on his face. "I'm sorry Coryo, is that a touchy subject I-" He was quiet for a moment as if planning what he was going to say.

"She... she was a nobody girl from District 12. I had to mentor her for The Hunger Games that year for my school project. I came out on top, Snow always lands on top."

He spoke through gritted teeth while he looked into my eyes, scanning my face for a reaction. What he told me so far aligned exactly with what my mom told me. This was even more worrying. There had to be more. He was keeping something from me. He could sense my distrust and started to speak again, more carefully.

"Darling, do you want the full truth?"

"Yes Coryo..."

He let out a heavy sigh. "She was my first girlfriend. We had a short fling and then she cheated on me." My jaw dropped. "Oh Coryo I'm so sorry..." I reached out and pulled him into a tight hug, tangling my fingers in his blond locks of hair. "It's okay darling, you didn't know. You don't know a lot of things." His hands started to rub my back up and down while I held him close.

"I never loved her anyways, I could never love someone so low class and trashy."

In an odd way I felt almost comforted by that statement. It meant he wasn't lying to me, I was his first love, right? He placed his hands on my stomach and pushed me away from the hug. My arms fell back down to my sides and I stared at him with deep remorse in my eyes. He smiled again, "It's okay Darling, is there anything else I can answer for you to put your troubled mind at ease?" Truthfully, I had a lot more questions but I felt bad and I didn't want to push him away more, not when our relationship was so delicate. I shook my head 'no' and he hummed before laying down on the bed. I followed suit and he turned his back to me.

"Goodnight"

"Goodnight..."

"I love you"

And then I was met with silence.

The next day passed and it was business as usual but I still couldn't get my mother's voice out of my head. My ears rang with every corner I turned. I saw Coryo's panicked face every time I closed my eyes after I asked him if he had killed anyone. It made me sick to my stomach but I didn't believe him. I do believe my mom was wrong about Lucy Gray though, he was genuinely hurt when I asked about her. I couldn't even imagine anyone wanting to cheat on him. Especially a girl from District 12, the opportunity to be with a capital man, especially one as charming, smart, and talented as Coryo should be a blessing. My poor husband probably had to deal with so much then.

When he came home he didn't talk to me that day. He couldn't even look me in the eye really. I felt wildly embarrassed and guilty. Of course, he was pulling away again, I pushed him. I should've just kept my pretty mouth shut like he had asked. My mom must have been mistaken. They don't know him like I do. It was nice to know how much they cared about me though.

Coriolanus slept in his office that night. I assume he had business to attend to so I just sat and tried to sleep alone in bed.

The next morning I woke up late and decided to try and make it up to Coryo by trying to leave more "I love you" notes around the house. I painted a portrait of a lake on one of his mugs, adding rose and ivy details to the handle. Stumbling down the hallway in the afternoon I walked by Coryo's office. I knew I wasn't allowed in there but damn it I was so curious. There were two maids in there talking and I silently eavesdropped.

"Careful when dusting that... This man has a lot of secrets and what's in those vials one I do not want to know about."

The other laughed and they continued to clean up.

"Isn't it odd we decided to have such a liar for a president?"

'Liar?' I thought. Why does everyone seem to think he's a liar?

"Yeah but he's great for the economy and the future of Panem."

Silence filled the room and then they both started laughing again.

"That doesn't seem to make it any better, then again, let's not bite the hand that feeds us."

They started to finish cleaning his office and once they left I snuck in. My hands traced around the walls of his office, it was small and packed with things. On his desk lay a little book filled with names and numbers, a pack of matches, a single white rose, and the vials the maids were talking about. Curiously, I reached for it. It was probably liquor or something. I picked it up carefully and examined it. It was clear and sealed shut. Cautiously, I started to unscrew the top and placed a drop of it on my finger. The liquid burned through my skin and I yelped loudly in pain. I grabbed a napkin and wiped it off my hand. I screamed in pain and the smell of burning flesh filled the room. Hot tears ran down my face as I removed the napkin and saw the damage that it left. My finger was red, hot, and my flesh was melted in the shape of a circle where the drop had been placed. Gasping desperately for breath, I tightly closed the lid of the vile and put it right back where I found it. I continued to cry from the searing pain, my finger throbbed and I whimpered desperately trying to keep quiet. I picked up my trash and made sure I left no trace of myself in there while I rushed to the kitchen, rinsing my finger under the water. Once the burning had gone away I slid down and laid my back against the kitchen cabinet.

"F- fuck fuck fuck- fucking poison. WHY THE FUCK WOULD HE HAVE POISON?"

I started to rock back and forth while I watched the skin around the burn turn purple. This must've been some sort of divine punishment to me for going into his office knowing I wasn't supposed to. One maid heard my wailing and hurried over to help me. She put an ointment on my finger before wrapping it up in a band-aid and above all, she didn't ask a question. I couldn't tell if that meant she was used to this kind of thing or if she was trained not to. I picked myself up off the floor and continued to go about my day and pretend that nothing happened.

Coryo didn't come to bed that night, I wasn't too sure if he had even come home honestly. I fell asleep alone again with nothing but my thoughts.

The next morning I was awakened by a rough hand shaking my shoulder. I yawned and opened my eyes to be met with Coryo's blue ones. They were deep and full of concern. He was sitting next to me on the bed still in his work clothes. I felt that pit of grief deep in my stomach again. Something was wrong, greatly wrong. "Coryo?" I asked, trying to remain calm.

"Y/N..."

"Coryo what's the matter?"

He sighed with deep remorse and said the worst news I had ever heard in my life. "Your parents... Y/N... your whole family they... um... their house burned down last night and the firefighters couldn't make it in time. When they arrived there, they searched the house but not a single survivor was found. They did find this though in your mothers room," He handed me a single stuffed doll. The doll was mine from when I was a child, it didn't have a single burn on it. I held it in my hands and sat staring at it in silence. They were gone. My whole family was gone. The tears threatened to spill but I felt so sick of crying lately. Why did my life feel like it was falling apart so fast? I just wanted a happy life as a newly wed and I have gotten nothing remotely close to that.

"Coryo... What's wrong with me? I'm like a bomb, anyone who cares about me either leaves me or dies... Am I cursed? I didn't even get to say goodbye. I didn't even get to hug them or- or- or see how big my little brother got or how smart my older brother is. I- I- I should've seen them more," I started weep, my tears starting to fall onto the doll below me, as if my tear were staining the innocence of the girl I used to be. Coriolanus grabbed me and held me close as I started to cry furiously into his chest. He planted a soft kiss on the top of my head and tried to whisper things to calm me down. His hands rubbed up and down my back.

"Darling, it's okay. You're going to be okay. You have me. I'll be here for you always. I make you happy, right? Your parents were always trying to keep you away from me... they didn't know you like I do. They don't know what you need darling but I do. We are going to get through this together, okay?'

I could barely process what he was saying through my tears. I just nodded into his chest and he continued to let me cry. I felt so safe in his arms in this moment. He was right, I do need him.

I couldn't get out of bed for days. The grief struck me overwhelmingly. I couldn't think straight. I just lay in bed and stared at the ceiling for hours at a time. When the foggy mist of the shock that had clouded my rationale finally faded I was left with the remaining thoughts. What was even real in this life anymore? I remember feeling so sad when almost none of my friends showed up to my wedding. I felt so alone and isolated but at least I knew I still had my family and my husband to be there for me and now, all I had was Coriolanus. I love him, I need him, but he's the type that gives love and then takes it away.

Maybe my mom was right... Maybe I do deserve better. This relationship isn't healthy. Has it ever been? Even when I was first falling for him, I always viewed him as better than me, which he is but shouldn't we be equal? Maybe... I'm too reliant on the love he gives me. I hate that. I hate how big of a hold he has on me. The way my happiness is always at the tip of his fingers, it makes me feel so weak. His hold on me is degrading. The worst part is, he knows how strong his power over me is. He knows me. He's learned me inside and out and he knows how to keep me under his palm.

My mom was right. The night of the party, he started yelling at me then when I threatened to leave him he switched. How could- how could I be so stupid? He switched because he didn't want me to leave him. He needed me to be there for him, to be his shining sparkling eye candy, to complete his perfect picture of domestic living, to be his waiting servant. And then when we made love that night, it must've not meant anything to him. He knows I believe everything people do has a purpose, he knows I don't ever want to exchange sex like a handshake. He slept with me to prove to me that he 'loves me' but that can't be true. I love him, his heart will never have space for me in it. No man treats someone he loves the way he treats me. I've been aware of this but every time I've gotten the courage to leave him he pulled me back in.

He's smart, he's manipulative. He's been doing it to me for months now. How could I be so stupid? Love is the most embarrassing thing to ever happen to me. He found his wide-eyed dreamer and just needed to ruin me. Even recently, he used my parent's death to try and make me even more dependent on him and it worked. I can't live without him.

"He did it"

His desk, the poison, no sane and normal man keeps poison in his office. It's making me think. The boy... the one my parents sent. Did Coryo know he was going to be there? He must've, the party was invite-only, you don't just sneak into the capital parties. The last thing Curtis did before he left was pour himself another cup of the juice. When Coryo ushered me into the house, I heard a man coughing from the garden but I didn't look, I couldn't, I was pushed away. His body the next morning... He had blood on his mouth. I remember learning from the academy that some poisons often makes you cough up blood before you die. Coryo had the poison. Could it be... did Coryo murder him?

"He did it"

Before I looked away when I saw his body in the garden, a glint of red could be seen in my vision. Was that his red coat?

"He did it"

Oh my god, the matches. He told me my parents house burned down.

"He did it"

The book with the names and numbers... who's names were in that book? What were the numbers?

"He did it"

I got out of bed for the first time in ages and rushed down to his office. My bones ached from the lack of mobility. I reached his office and rushed in. His notebook was gone. I started opening his drawers frantically. Finally, I found it. I opened up the pages and that was the last bit of proof I needed. His journal had the names and addresses of the different capital citizens, one page dedicated to every member of my family.

"He did it"

The matches were missing fully. Not anywhere to be found.

"He did it"

The doll. My doll. The doll probably reminded him of me, just a pretty object he can play with whenever he wants something to hold. It didn't have a single burn mark on it at all, he must've gotten it before the fire. Either that means my family let him into the house before he burned it down or he's been keeping it for a while.

"He did it"

My mom did say she had been trying to reach out to me for ages but couldn't. He was stopping them. He wanted to keep me isolated. I really didn't know who I was marrying. I married a murderer.

"He did it"

I couldn't continue to live with him but I can't live without him. It made me feel sick how much love I still felt for him even knowing he had been trying to destroy me from the inside out. I can't let him take my light. My mom really was right. Everyone who gets close to him ends up dead, missing, or disgraced. It's my turn to pick which path I was going to be.

My heart raced as I ripped a page out of his notebook and wrote a note for him, leaving it on the desk. I reached over and grabbed that familiar vile of poison and unscrewed the top. The cold glass hit my lips and I drank the contents like a shot. My heart raced and I started coughing profusely, everything burned from the inside out. Blood started to flow out the corners of my mouth but for once, I wasn't crying. Mama, I'm coming.

"He did it"

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Coriolanus Snows POV

I'd be lying if I said I didn't cry when I found Y/N dead on the floor of my office. Blood trickled down the side of their mouth and they were holding the tiny vial I had on my desk. Y/N knew not to go into my office and frankly, I was shocked to see that it happened in there. On my desk was a note that said: "Till death do us part". I screamed loudly and felt like my body wasn't my own as I feverishly picked up the body and walked to the nearest in-house medic. Tears poured down my face. How dare Y/N just decide to selfishly leave me like this? After everything I had done? All the trouble I went through? It was ridiculous. I remember thinking, "I had you."

When I first met Y/N I remember believing that they were the embodiment of everything good in the world and the embodiment of what I needed in a partner. Loyal, innocent, trusting, naive, controllable. Truly, there isn't any room in this world for such goodness. My darling needed to be tougher or the cold world would do nothing but ruin them. I tried to make them tougher but their unconditional love was annoying at times but I tolerated it. No matter what I did to push Y/N away, they insisted on loving me till the end, but why? And if they did love me so much why would they leave me like this?

The medic couldn't do anything. Y/N was long gone by the time I got there. So much wasted time and potential. I don't think I will marry again. Not for many years at least. Just when it is time for me to have heirs I will marry. Gives my future wife less time to escape. I have to marry someone cruel, someone whom I can never seem to care about, especially not love. Y/N's crippling kindness almost had me falling at the end and that was dangerous.

The funeral was lavish. My darling was beloved by the public. Many mourned for weeks. It was shocking. As much as I tried to not care, the energy of the house felt so different now. It was a wasteland of what once was. Dust collected in every nook and cranny. I stumbled into the house and stood still, letting the world spin around me for a moment when I tilted my head up and noticed something I hadn't seen before, paintings, hundreds of them. Y/N painted tons of things around the pillars and walls. They were beautiful. Ivy and roses, clouds and sunshine. I forgot how truly artistically talented Y/N was. My eyes followed how the ivy traveled around the pillars. Ivy was a great metaphor for Y/N, beautiful, and simple, but still a pest that will grow all over you if you aren't too careful.

"Sir, Welcome home. We have prepared dinner for you." the butler said, pulling me out of my trance.

"Thank you and can we get someone to repaint this room ASAP, I need some things removed.

The whole house ended up being repainted. I never noticed how many of those paintings were left. Even on the furniture, I couldn't escape any of my memories of Y/N anywhere. The notes were the absolute worst. Small pieces of paper everywhere with sweet nothings written on them. "Have a good day", "I love you", "Good morning to Panem's greatest leader" Nowhere was safe. Memories and images circled my brain constantly.

I sat at the table we used to eat at alone, drinking coffee from my mug while reading the newspaper. They still were on the front page. It's been a month since the incident. I sighed and folded the paper, placing it face down on the table. I reached for the mug when I saw it again. A painting of a lake with roses and ivy painted on the handle. The lake... the lake. The lake of District 12,

Lucy Gray

The roses,

My Mother

The Ivy...,

y/n

I shouted at the top of my lungs and threw the mug at the wall. When will I finally be free of the past pests that continue to haunt my life?

A/N: WHAT DID YOU GUYS THINK??? It is almost 5 AM and I stayed up all night writing this, I hope you guys liked it. let me know plz. Now accepting requests for new stories, perhaps with new characters :)))

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chaoticharrington · 3 months

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Chapter Five: The Club and Terrible Timing

***BEFORE YOU READ ANY FURTHER THERE IS GOING TO BE SEX, HEAVY BDSM THEMES, AND OTHER GENERAL NSFW THINGS. IF YOU ARE A MINOR/A BLANK BLOG/ A BLOG WITH NO AGE PLEASE DO NOT INTEREACT! IF I SEE IT, I WILL BLOCK IMMEDIATELY! THANKS!<3***

Pairing: Professor! Steve Harrington x Best Friends Dad! Eddie Munson x Fem! Reader

Warnings: SOOO much angst in this chapter IM SORRY! smut! oral f receiving, dry humping, kissing, alcohol consumption, slight inspection kink,dirty talk, also lots of fluff!!! Eddie and Steve are in their early to mid 40s and reader is in her mid 20s

Summary: Violet tries to get over her break-up by taking you to clubs all across Indiana which you happily oblige. Your latest adventure not turning out how either of you had planned.

Author's Note: Hi my loves! I hope you're all doing well! i'm sorry for not uploading in a month, i've not had the motivation or the energy... and i've re written this chapter a bunch! but i hope you all like it! plenty more chapters to come! 9k

**Chapter One Chapter Two Chapter Three Chapter Four**

(banners and headers by @cafekitsune)

“Okay I gotta go Eds, I’m gonna be late” you say, pulling yourself off the older man’s lips. Eddie’s grip being too strong, pulling you back into his arms.

“Nuh uh, this is a crime of the highest order, a King needs his Queen!” He announces dramatically. You giggle into Eddie’s skin, breathing in his scent. You thought of abandoning school all together today, and spending the day with him while Violet was at work. The two of you barely got any time together in the basement anymore now that Violet wasn’t over at Quinns anymore, or away at her mom’s. You snuck in sleepovers when she would be working overnights. Otherwise you and Eddie squeezed into your tiny apartment, spending every second together that you could. As if the universe knew exactly how to punish you, your phone rings.

“Hi babe” you answer kindly.

“Hi, so we’re going out tonight.” Violet announces bluntly on the other end of the phone.

“Where are you taking me now?” you ask, a slight amusement in your tone. Violet had been doing her best to get over Quinn by taking you out to various bars and clubs across the state of Indiana. You weren’t really the type to go to a new bar every weekend. But you love Violet, if this was helping her stop hurting, then you’d do it forever for her.

“A bar in the city, I’ll come pick you up at 7!” she says excitedly before hanging up. You sigh, putting your phone back down on the bed, smiling at Violets infectious energy. You felt guilty at the tug in your stomach, disappointed that you didn’t have another night to yourself with Eddie.

“Alright mister I gotta go, I can stop by after class” you say reluctantly, going back to moisturizing your face.

“No stay” he protests scooping you up in his arms, and showering you with kisses all over your face.

The two of you had just spent a very domestic morning together, eating breakfast in the basement while Eddie worked on a new campaign, the two of you getting ready in the bathroom. You had just put on your bra and panties while Eddie was shedding his clothes to get into the shower.

You watch him pout from the mirror, your back turned to him. You didn’t really want to leave him, but you wanted to go to the library before class and now that Violet was taking you out tonight, you needed to get it done now. You blew a kiss to him as he reluctantly got into the shower, tail tucked between his legs like a dog.

You sneak peaks of your beautiful boyfriend in the shower while you brush your teeth. You never could get over just how good looking he is, body covered in tattoos, his greying curls, his slightly toned arms from playing guitar all his life, and his long fingers currently running through his hair. You tried to fight it, but you were now a full blown Eddie Munson addict. Addicted to his touch, his smile, his laugh, the crinkling around his eyes from years of smiling, his kisses, and most importantly the way he made you feel. You could feel your body heat up with desire, a storm at your center.

Your eyes meet Eddies, a smirk plastered across his face, eyebrow raised playfully. You roll your eyes lightly in response, shaking your thoughts of Eddie out of your head. You try to hide a smile that’s threatening to seep onto your lips.

Half naked you start to head back into Eddies room to get dressed for the day. When a pair of wet hands grab your waist pulling you for a hug. You scream out in surprise, wrapping your arms around Eddies very wet ones. You can hear his giggling in your ears, your resolve diminishing, giving into your boyfriend antics and laughing alongside him.

He slips the few items of clothing you were wearing off quickly, pulling you into the steaming hot shower. Eddie’s more beautiful up close under the water, his long eyelashes glittering with water droplets, and his lips red and plump from the steam.

Not being able to resist him anymore you go onto your tippy toes to kiss him, his arms scooping you up bringing you closer to him. The kiss was one of softness and affection. Not like times in the dungeon where his kisses were rough and bruising. These ones were like he was trying to show you how much he cared about you. Soft but firm, passionate but not dominating. You smile against his lips, feeling his smiling right back at you, savoring this moment.

“You’re so beautiful” he says breathlessly as he pulls back, pushing some of your now wet hair out of your face.

You cringe at his words; you’ve been working on trying to believe him but it’s hard. You shove your head into his chest, allowing him to encase you. Tears threatened to spill from your eyes, you felt safe, you couldn’t remember the last time you felt this safe and at home. Not even when you were a kid or when you got a hug from either of your parents, it was something entirely different. If only you could stop this moment, and live in it forever, or go back when you were feeling sad. You realize now what people mean when they say, “When you know you know”, it just feels different, it feels easy.

Guilt always followed this feeling, how could you feel so deeply for someone and not be able to tell your best friend. It was starting to eat away at your heart and soul. You and Eddie had decided that you were going to tell her tomorrow, and you were both excited and terrified at the same time. You just hoped that over time she would be able to see just how happy the two of you made each other.

Eddies hand forces your face up to his, letting the water wash away your guilt and be present with him. He smiles at you warmly, you smile back, the entire world in his eyes. Reminding you that everything was going to be okay. He holds your head in one of his hands caressing your cheek, bringing his lips to your forehead and leaving a kiss there. How did he know you so well that he knew what you were thinking without you even having to tell him? You swoon at his action, redness spilling onto your cheeks.

He turns you around, dips your head back so the running water drenches your hair. He massages slow circles into your scalp, forcing a moan from your lips. You let him lather your hair in shampoo and massage it into your scalp. He takes his time, being meticulous not to miss a single strand of hair. Leaving little kisses on your neck in between lathers. Even simple acts like this, no sexual touching or tension, just the two of you together. It was enough to quiet your brain for the rest of the day, he knew how to calm you down when your brain was working too hard or when your mind needed a break.

Once your hair was squeaky clean and conditioned, Eddie took a washcloth and started washing the rest of your body, scrubbing soap into every area of your skin, being just as meticulous as he was with your hair. Touching you gently and affectionately, you could feel all the unsaid feelings and words by each touch of his hands or body on your skin.

You turn your attention to him, asking him to bend down so you can get the curls at the top of his head, he grandiosely kneels down for you to properly reach the top of his head. The two of you giggling at the action. Your fingers get to work trying to mimic the massage he had given you, making him moan into your chest, leaving open mouth kisses on your tummy. Your body tensing slightly, all your negative body image issues threatening to pour out of your ears. But Eddie’s strong hands grab your waist softly, quieting those thoughts once more. You marvel at his touch, forcing yourself to concentrate on washing all the shampoo from his hair. His curls feel silky and soft in your fingers, the grey marbled into his curls like a galaxy.

You finish conditioning his hair and washing his body, the two of you stand under the water together, completely clean but not ready to get out of the shower. You have your arms wrapped around his waist, and his around your shoulders, resting his head on top of yours.

Eddie eventually turns the water off and gets out of the shower, offering you a hand. Taking his hands in yours letting him help you out of the shower and wrap a fluffy towel around you.

“Thank you for stayin’ with me” Eddie says softly, leaving a kiss on your forehead.

“Thank you for making me stay” you mutter into his chest, as much as you wanted to go to the library, you could never pass up time like this. You hear Eddie hum around you, his chest vibrating against your face, warming your insides.

You let Eddie dry you off and dress you, leaving kisses on your bare skin before putting each article of clothing on. Then you do the same for him. Each kiss to open skin, every piece of clothing, a sign of devotion to the other. So many words not said but shown instead, you didn’t know for certain if Eddie felt the same way you did, but your heart hoped that he did.

The adoration for him seeping through your pores, it filling you up threatening to burst, three words stuck in your throat. THE three words almost slipping off your tongue, but you couldn’t let yourself say them. Not before Violet knew, not until you weren’t a secret anymore.

Plus, the two of you had only been together for a few months and you didn’t want to jump the gun and make a fool of yourself. Eddie just made you feel important and cared for, which just made it harder to hide it.

“Earth to Y/N,” you hear Eddies voice, pulling you from your thoughts. His rich brown eyes looking at you like you put the sun in the sky, paired with his goofy as ever smile, Forcing a smile onto your face.

“So, listen as much I’d love to see your cute little butt after class. I promised a friend of mine I’d help them out with something. But text me at any time if you need a ride or if you need anything tonight, okay?” he says, his voice kind but slightly serious. You know that he really would drop anything if you really needed him. A pout forms across your lips, you were hoping to stop by and thank him for the sweet morning the two of you were having together, thoughts of his cock on your tongue swirling in your brain.

You reluctantly give Eddie one more kiss before heading out the door for the day. The day was dragging on, classes were almost over for the semester and for the most part a majority of your professors had given up actually teaching or just droned on about upcoming projects that you were due. Sociology was never the same after Steve left, you noticed some students had even dropped the class, you didn’t blame them. It made you sad, thinking about Steve, you know what he was likely doing right now, probably drinking himself to the bottom of another bottle.

And it was all your fault, if you hadn’t had stupid crush on your teacher, Steve would still be doing what he loved. At least the semester was almost over so you wouldn’t have the burden of being reminded multiple times a week in class. The second your new professor dismissed you all, you hurried out of the room quickly not wanting to be tortured any longer by the images of Steve at home, slumped over his desk with tears in his eyes.

You had re played that moment so many times since it had happened, trying to make sense of it, trying to figure out why you felt so deeply about him. When Eddie made you the happiest you had ever been. You felt so guilty feeling so strongly about someone else, especially after the morning you and Eddie shared. Your heart just couldn’t help but ache for the man you left in that big house, all alone, drinking his sorrows away.

I’m a fucking monster

You pinch your eyebrows with your fingers, willing all the scattered pieces of yourself back together. You blow out all the air in your lungs and push your key into the ignition, driving away from school, leaving all thoughts of Steve behind.

Violet had decided to come to your place early to get ready, it reminded you of when the two of you used to get ready for school dances together when you were younger. She insisted on the both of you wearing the least amount of clothing as possible, much to your dismay.

“Since when did you become a prude? We are both hot, young, single women. We deserve to have men and women alike ogle at us from time to time. It builds self-confidence!” she declares assuredly.

Not single Not single Not single

Violet decided on a black lacey strappy dress that hugged all of her curves just right, her eyes sultry lined with two smokey black wings, and her purple hair curled to perfection sitting right above her butt. She looked like every nerdy guys gothic dream. You decide on something a little less scandalous, but still approved by Violet. Wearing a black bralette with a black mesh long sleeve over it, extenuating your breasts, pairing it with a short black mini skirt with a slit going half way up the side; and your black combat boots.

She had convinced you to take a few shots before going to the bar, your head already delightfully buzzed. You were just putting one more coat of lip gloss, when you hear Violet call out from the other room.

“Ubers here!”

The two of you squeeze into the back of an uber and head to the bar. Violet told you on the way that evidently it was a new bar in town that everyone has been talking about and posting all about over social media. Violets extensive knowledge of the bar scene completely going over your head.

The Uber let the two of you off in front of a building covered in red neon lights, you could already hear the loud music coming from inside of the building. Violet grabs your hand and the two of you head inside. The bar was more crowded than you expected, all of you smooshed into the building like sardines. The floor vibrated with how loud it is, the music combined with people chattering away made your head hurt. You make your way past other patrons and head towards the bar, Violet sits down confidently, flipping her hair behind her back.

“I’m gonna see if I can get someone to buy us some drinks, follow my lead.” She ushers the two of you closer to a group of guys who looked like they have had one too many beers already.

“Hey boys,” Violet says slyly, she was always good with getting her way. She never acted spoiled or threw a fit if she didn’t, but you always admired how confident she was and how good she is with people. She never went home with or even danced with any of the men she flirted with, her heart still stuck on Quinn, just using them to keep her mind off of her broken heart. You look around at the rest of the bar, uninterested in any of the men that were stood before you.

The bar was dimly lit, with a few candles placed on various tables around the room. The actual bar took up a majority of the back wall, filled with any kind of liquor you could possibly want. The people occupying the bar varied in age, some younger, some older, all seemingly having a good time. Couples held up in the corners of the room, talking quietly, kissing or other various salacious activities. On the right side of the room was a small dance floor, where patrons were dancing, some more lewdly than others.

When you finally returned your attention back to Violet, she handed you a drink and fluttered her eyelashes at the group of men before whisking you away to the corner of the room.

“Why are men so gross? I swear I could barely get one of them to look me in the eye, like I know my tits are great but they aren’t THAT great,” she slurs slightly, the shots catching up to her already.

The two of you sit in a corner of the room, finishing off your very strong drinks. You sat back in amusement at every guy that would pick up the courage to stop by at your table, trying to pick up one or the both of you, some more pathetic than others. You looked over at Violet every once in a while, making sure that this wasn’t all for nothing and that she was having a good time.

Violet put up a good front, it was pretty easy with her eyes disguised in black eyeliner, but you could see through to the sadness underneath it all. Beneath all of her confidence and extroverted tendencies, was agony. The type of sadness that sits in your stomach and rots, eating you from the inside out. You tried not to push her too much, asking if she was okay and told her that you were here whenever she needed to talk. But she brushed you off every single time. But you knew, she didn’t even need to tell you how she felt.. you could feel it ripping her apart on the inside. You see her smile fading slightly after turning down yet another guy. You see and in and you take it.

“Vi.. are you okay? Like really? And please no more bullshit, if I have to hear one more “I’m okay” or “I’m fine” I’m gonna scream,” you plead with your best friend.

Her shoulders drop, all hints of happiness leaving her face, behind her eyeliner she looked tired. Not just physically tired, the tired you get from pretending to be okay when you’re not, not sleeping at night because your mind won’t shut off. She turns towards you, wetness forming in the corners of her eyes, her mask finally off.

“No, I’m not, and I don’t know when I will be, I keep waiting and waiting that one day it won’t hurt so much.. I just thought that if I pretend, that eventually one day it won’t hurt so bad... but it hasn’t. For fucks sake I thought we were going to get married!... Well I wanted to get married,” she sniffles.

You grab her hand and squeeze it tightly inside yours, just grateful that she was letting you in. She looks at you gratefully and pulls you into a tight hug. You didn’t have any words to make it better, to numb her pain.. you just squeezed her tightly back and hoped it was enough.

“I dunno what I’d do without you bubs, you’re literally the only reason I’m holding it together right now,” she admits.

Guilt floods your system like a tsunami, even more unsure now how she was going to take the new about you and Eddie. Not only would you be rubbing your very happy relationship in her face, but it’s with her fucking dad, her fucking dad. No, she deserved to know. No matter what happens now, Eddie is just as important to you as she is, and you weren’t going to let him go. Violet would just have to understand.

“Alright no more sad talk, we’re here to have fun!”

She grabs your arm and takes you back over to the bar, ordering another round of shots for the two of you. Tequilla burning your throat as the two of you stumble onto the dance floor.

It’s a blur of sweat, glitter, and bodies. The two of you sway your hips back and forth to the beat of the music, giggling at one another, the alcohol officially taking effect. More and more people gather onto the dance floor, filling the room with sweat and haze.

You and Violet smile at each other, holding hands and singing obnoxiously loud to the songs playing. You can see the worry and the sadness evaporate off Violet’s face, you smile to yourself, wishing all the happiness in the world for your best friend.

After a few more songs, Violet excuses herself to go to the bathroom. You linger at the edge of the dance floor, not wanting to dance by yourself. You take the time to people watch, looking at the various patrons at the bar, guys trying to score, girls laughing with their friends, older men sitting at the bar nursing their drinks, the bartenders running around behind the bar like chickens with their heads cut off, and Eddie.

Wait.. EDDIE?!

You do a double take and then a triple take to make sure your alcohol goggles weren’t skewing your vision, and you weren’t imagining your very sexy boyfriend at a random bar with some guy. You smile and start to walk over to the table where Eddie was at to say hello. But you stop in your tracks, the closer you get, the back of the other man’s head becomes increasingly more familiar. Steve fucking Harrington.

Your body freezes, your brain working a million miles a minute.

Steve knows Eddie?

Eddie knows Steve?

How?

Why?

Your body stiffens even further when you see Steve’s large hand envelop the upper part of Eddies thigh, traveling farther and farther up his leg. Your breath caught in your throat, a lump making its home there.

How could he?

What the hell?

What the fuck is going on?

Eddie looks at Steve, kind of sad but also startled, his eyes wander behind Steve’s head and locks eyes with you. His mouth hung open agape. That’s the last thing you see before the tears cloud your vision. You push past the crowd of people in the bar, making your way to the front door. Pushing the door open, the cold air forcing goosebumps across your skin.

Unable to hold the tears anymore, you let them flow freely down your face. You look around you and you don’t know what to do or where to go. You can’t leave, but you don’t want to stay either. You wrap your arms around yourself, trying to self soothe and protect yourself from the cold.

That’s when you hear the loud music from inside the bar followed by the front door closing, you hear a familiar voice call out to you.

“Y/N, it’s not what you think-, “ Eddie says desperately.

“What was his hand doing on your leg? I thought you were helping out a friend tonight?” You cut him off, trying to keep your voice level and hold back anymore tears.

You knew it, you knew Eddie was too good to be true. He’s too nice, and warm, you felt too safe around him. Every happy moment with him comes crashing down in an instant, you never really mattered to him. You were always just his daughter’s best friend, a little kid, someone to mess around with. How could you be so blind, your own stupidity kicking you in the face and knocking the air out of your lungs. You didn’t even know who you were madder at, Eddie, or at yourself.

“Fuck I was! I mean I am!” Eddie says, panic setting in his voice.

“So, him feeling you up, that’s you helping out a friend? How charitable, Eds” you spit back. You could allow yourself to be angry, but you wouldn’t break, not right now. Not if you had to go back inside and face Violet.

“Yes! No, I- we are JUST friends, baby I promise” Eddie pleads.

“I’d say we’ve been more than friends Ed” you hear another familiar voice, as Steve steps out into the midnight air.

Your heart could crumble into a million pieces by Steve’s confession, you’d fall to the ground if your brain wasn’t working so hard, buzzing like a million bees working overtime.

“You need to tell me what’s going on right now or I’m grabbing Violet and I’m never speaking to either of you ever again.” The hurt in your voice noticeable, you bite your lip to stop your lip from quivering. Eddies rubs his hands across his face, trying to find the words to explain.

“Wait, you two know each other?” Steve says, hands on his hips, all three of you looking at each other with so many unsaid questions.

“Yeah, we know each other very fucking well Steve,” you seethe, trying to hide your hurt. Steve flinches slightly, looking guilty.

“Eddie, what the fuck is going on… If-if I was just going to be a little fling for you, a heads up would have been nice! I-I let you in, I let you see every part of me and then you do THIS? I’ve been hurt in the past, but I never, ever, thought I’d be hurt by you” you choke back a sob, as angry tears start streaming down your face. You know by now that your mascara and make up were completely ruined, you felt more vulnerable than you had ever felt in your entire life.

Your heart might as well have been ripped from your chest and stomped on right in front of you on the cold hard pavement. You look at the two faces staring back at you, Steve still utterly confused and bewildered, and Eddie, well Eddie’s face mirrored yours. His eyes misty, you can see his Adams apple bobbing in his throat. Steve runs his hands nervously through his hair before speaking.

“Look this is all my fault, okay? I, shit, I’ve been so hung up on everything that happened between us that I just wanted to feel good. Eddie and I, we used to have something in the past, but it’s not happened in a long time. I don’t really know what I was thinking, I was just being stupid.” Steve admits, looking down at his shoes, his cheeks red in embarrassment.

“Between the two of you? What the fuck happened between the two of you?” a fire lit up behind Eddies eyes.

You sigh, not having it in your heart to be angry with Steve, he must have just not known that the two of you were together, or maybe Eddie hadn’t mentioned it yet.

“Remember that guy.. that kissed me... and I came over to your house crying?” you say defeated; you point over at Steve. He raises his hand with a sympathetic look on his face.

“Guilty is charged,” Steve says lightheartedly, trying to lighten the mood.

“YOU kissed her? Jesus Christ this is so fucked up” Eddie says, pacing between the two of you, trying to clear his head. Steve nods his head, his eyes moving back and forth trying to put his thoughts together.

“Did I kiss you when you guys were together? Did you come over and check on me while you were with him?” Steve’s finger pointed at Eddie, his eyes sadder than they were a minute ago.

Eddies eyes now huge wildfires and looks at you, crossing his arms.

“What the fuck is he talking about Y/N, when did you go and see him?” he spits.

Now it was your turn for your mouth to open and close, your brain no longer able to form any words.

“No Steve, we weren’t together when we kissed. Eds listen it wasn’t like that, I just felt bad and was worried about him because he stopped coming to class. When I got to his place he was drunk and I just helped him clean up his house that’s all.” You reassure Eddie, but his expression was blank and his eyes cold.

“I asked when Y/N, when did you go over to his house?” he mutters quietly.

“3 Days ago,” you admit apologetically, looking anywhere besides Eddies disapproving eyes.

“You mean the day after we had sex? The day after “I” let YOU in?” Eddie fumes.

You bite your lip and look at him, searching for your Eddie, searching for the warmth in his eyes. But you saw nothing, he didn’t even look like himself, his face contorted in anger.

Eddie takes a few steps towards you, a frown on his face and hurt in his eyes. You flinch at his expression, you have never seen Eddie look so mad and upset, it’s so jarring. You rarely even heard the man yell.

“So, let me get this straight, you kiss Steve, and then you came running over to my house, and you let ME kiss you? And then when after we have sex, pretty fucking good sex I might add, you go over to HIS house? Un-fucking-believable Y/N,” he snarls, his voice breaking at the end.

You slump your shoulders, you needed to make him understand, to know how much he means to you.

“Eddie, I- “

“You’re fucking my dad?” You hear a voice call out from the entrance of the bar.

All the blood in your body turns to ice, this is not how you wanted her to find out, you and Eddie had a whole plan. That plan likely now in the trash, you didn’t even know if Eddie was going to forgive you.

“Violet, please not now” you hear Eddie say tiredly.

“No wait let ME get this straight” she says, stepping closer to the three of you, tears swimming in her eyes.

“Not only are you fucking my dad, YOU my best friend since middle school, AND you kissed my uncle Steve?!” she says, her lips upturned in a fake smile that was like a slap to the face.

“We were going to tell you tomorrow Vi, I promise I wasn’t trying to hide it from you. I just-“ you knew any words that you said to her right now weren’t going to matter, you could tell by the look on her face that she’s already made up her mind. You stifle a sob, looking at Eddie for help.

Eddie turns towards you, but the Eddie you had come to know wasn’t there. Almost no emotion in his eyes, he looks at you mournfully, almost like he pitied you.

“We were waiting until we knew it was serious Vi, it’s not all her fault either, take it easy,” he warns.

“No stop talking, I’ll deal with you later” she snaps, dismissing her father.

“So, what are you some kind of slut? You kiss someone else while you’re with my dad? What kind of fucking monster are you? I don’t even know who you are anymore!” she wails tears like waterfalls down her pretty face.

You didn’t know the answer to her questions, but you knew she was right. You are a monster, you’re like a hurricane that bulldozes everything it touches.

“Violet please, I’m sorry I promise I didn’t mean to hurt you, I didn’t mean to hurt anyone. You’re all the family I have, just please let’s go home so we can talk this all out.” your legs wobble, threatening to give out below you, sobs wracking in your chest. Your entire world was crashing down around you, and there was nothing you could do to stop it.

“No, we’re done, I can’t even look at you right now. Stay the fuck away from me and MY family,” she warns.

Violet turns and walks away from the three of you and the bar, you go to follow her, but a large hand envelops your shoulder.

“You probably shouldn’t,” Eddie says flatly.

“But I need to, I need to make things right, I can’t just leave it like this!” you plead with him, fresh tears blurring your vision.

Eddie nods his head knowing you well enough by now to know why you feel this way. “I think its best if there’s some space from the two of you… and us for now.”

“Wait what? Are you breaking up with me?” you squeak, the words pushing the rest of the air from your lungs. By this point your legs are numb from the cold air, anxiety filled your body making you shake like a leaf and your teeth chatter. You couldn’t even feel the cold anymore, your body feels like it's on fire, threatening to explode from the inside out.

“Eddie please, please don’t do this, don’t do this to me” you plead, begging with everything you have in you, every breath every feeling, every kiss re playing in your brain.

I can’t lose you I can’t lose you I can’t lose you please please please please don’t go

Eddie rubs his hand behind his neck, he looks tired, his eyes rimmed with tears of his own, he blinks them away and looks at you.

“I just need some space, maybe someday we can revisit this, but I can’t do this right now, I need to make things right with my daughter. She comes first, I’m sorry” he explains.

You nod your head in understanding and defeat, of course Violet comes first. Your head was so clouded in panic you forgot about how this would affect his relationship with her.

Eddie looks at Steve and then looks at you, he gives you one final nod before he walks away into the night looking for Violet.

You sink onto the cold hard sidewalk, you put your head on your knees, your back shaking harshly while all the held in tears and sobs come out in droves. You cried for what felt like hours, occasionally hearing drunk people coming out of the bar. Before you knew it the muted music playing in the bar stopped and the lights on the inside went out. You lift your head up to rest on your knees, your eyes surely swollen from all the crying, your whole body hurt. Partially from sitting so long, but also because you don’t think you’ve ever cried so hard in your life. Your eyes hurt, your chest ached, and your throat felt like it was on fire.

You see movement to your left and look to see Steve sitting next to you patiently on the pavement. His arms on his knees, he turns his head to look at you, his eyes full of worry.

“Sorry if I startled you or something, I just- I didn’t like the idea of you being downtown all by yourself in your state. I hope that’s okay” he says kindly.

His warmness making your chest hurt, you didn’t deserve his kindness, or anyone’s kindness after everything that happened.

“You don’t have to stay with me, I’ll just call an uber or something...” you say softly, wiping the rest of the tears from your face.

Steve doesn’t say anything, he just stands up and at first you think he’s going to take you at your word and leave. Then you feel his hand on your back, ushering you up, you start to protest. But he just ushers you silently towards his car. He gets in the driver’s side and turns on the car, then he gets out and helps you into the passenger side, holding you gently.

“I turned the seat warmers on, feel free to turn the heat up, you must be freezing.” He says softly. He shuts your car door for you and then ruffles around in the back seat before opening your car door again and wrapping you up in a warm blanket.

“I have this stashed for emergencies, seems like the right time to use it.” He states, fussing over you making sure you’re completely covered by the blanket.

New tears well in your eyes, your heart spilling out of you, it’s all too much. The whiplash of the argument with Eddie and Violet and now Steve being the sweetest man in the world to you. As if you aren’t the worst person to ever exist. You didn’t deserve this, you should be locked away for your crimes . Not wrapped up in a blanket and handled with care, it wasn’t fair to Eddie or Violet.

“We really were going to tell her, ya know? And- and I didn’t mean for things to happen with Eddie after we kissed, it just happened. It’s all so messy and it’s all my fault, I fucked it all up!” You sob.

Steve looks back at you mournfully.

“I know, honey, I know,” he says softly.

The two of you sit in some more silence while you cry, then you feel his warm hand start rubbing little circles into your back, which only makes you sob harder, but even so, you find yourself leaning into his touch. Leaning into any type of comfort, your heart hurt too much, you couldn’t take it, you need it to go away.

Eventually, you stop crying and Steve gets in the driver side to drive you home, you just look out the window, allowing your body to thaw under the blanket. You eventually give Steve directions to your apartment, and go back to looking out the window, your eyes getting heavier and heavier the longer you were sitting wrapped in your blanket cocoon.

When you wake, you hear the car door opening and feel Steve’s strong arms scoop you against his chest. You smell his intoxicating cologne; you hadn’t smelled it in so long, but it awoken something in you. You blinked slowly, taking in your surroundings. He had not taken you home, to your lonely apartment filled with the memories of you and Eddie. Instead, you were being carried through the front door of his house and entering a very familiar foyer. Steve sets you down on a comfy couch in a room you assume is the living room.

You stare at him in confusion, your brain fogged over from tonight’s events. He looks a little nervous, his knee bouncing up and down.

“Uh sorry, you fell asleep, and I didn’t like the idea of you going home and being by yourself. I can still take you home if you’d like, I just I dunno...I was worried about you,” he confesses, his honey brown eyes staring up at you expectantly.

You wipe away the sleep and the dried tears from your eyes, you sit up sorely, your body punishing you for sitting on the hard pavement for so long. You feel more vulnerable than you’d like to admit, in Steves house with barely any clothes on. You rub your arms trying to soothe yourself, wrapping yourself up tighter in Steves blanket.

“Thank you” you squeak, your voice hoarse from crying so much. He smiles slightly and nods, scratching the back of his neck before he speaks next.

“You’re welcome to stay...if you’d like, I have plenty of guest rooms for you to sleep in. No pressure though,” he says hurriedly.

You mull over his offer, the idea of staying over made your stomach feel sick with guilt but also burn with curiosity. Then you thought again about getting back in his car, and going back home to your apartment, alone with your thoughts, replaying tonight’s events over and over again.

“If it’s alright with you... I think I’d like to stay,” you say meekly, fidgeting with your hands.

The anxiety on Steve’s face diminishes, nodding at you eagerly. “Please, mi casa es su casa,” he gestures to his house and chuckles lightly to clear the air.

You look at him gratefully, the two of you make some light small talk before he gives you the grand tour of the house. He explains it used to be his parents’ house before they moved to Florida after his dad retired. He went on to tell you that he wasn’t very close with his parents, they always resented him for never marrying or having any kids of his own. You felt even more guilty now, not only had Steve left his job because of you, but that meant more time stuck in this house, thinking about what a disappointment he is to his parents. The self-pity spiral is starting to grow bigger and bigger inside your head once again, the spell only broken when Steve puts his hand on your back, and your mind goes silent.

Focusing on the warmth and pressure his hand is leaving on your back. In contrast to all the shitty things that happened this evening, you’re allowing yourself this one nice thing. It reminded you of simpler times, when you just had a little crush on your sociology professor, before the kiss, before everything with Eddie. You remember the first time he put his hand on your back, it was the first day you went into his office when he helped you take care of that parking ticket. You remember how your insides twisted and turned with excitement. Then, when you became his TA, it was something you looked forward to when the two of you were alone together.

“And this is one of the many guest bedrooms, feel free to pick anyone you like there’s plenty to choose” he states cheerfully.

Steve shows you the rest of the house, your mind boggled by how big the house really is, castle might be a better word for it.

Steve escorts you towards one of the many bathrooms on the second floor leaving you alone to shower and freshen up, the bathroom stocked with the fluffiest towels you’ve ever felt in your entire life. The guest bathroom alone seemed bigger than your whole apartment. You let the hot water envelop you, hugging every part of your body.

You sit on the cold tiles of the shower, trying to figure out what to do. You think about Violet first, the person who ha been your best friend for as long as you can remember, the only one who has always been in your corner, now gone. You feel tears at the edges of your very sore eyes. Then you think of Eddie, the sweetest guy to ever exist, and the only one to ever make you feel worthy of love.

How did you fuck this up so badly?

You let a few more tears fall, meeting the warm water down the drain. You rub your eyes, the skin around your eyes raw from all the crying, you can’t remember the last time you cried this much. It made you feel so small and fragile, like if someone breathed at you the wrong way, you’d crumble into a million pieces. You let a few more tears fall before you take a deep breath and finish your shower. You shake away your thoughts, thinking about how differently this day had started versus how it was ending, everything taken away from you so quickly.

You were grateful for Steves kindness, it felt nice to not be in your apartment. To be away from the mess you had made, you could almost allow yourself to forget.. almost.

When you walk into the guest bedroom you see a pair of plaid boxers and a big grey t-shirt left on the bed for you, you pick up the t-shirt laid out before you and bring it up to your nose. Your shoulders relax as the scent fills your nostrils. The scent of Steve, not even his cologne, just him. It made your brain dizzy. Once you finish getting dressed you hear a knock on the door.

“Come in!” you call out. Steve emerges from the other side of the door, holding a glass of water and a bottle of Tylenol. He shakes the bottle in his hand and comes to sit next to you on the bed.

“Oh gosh Thank you so much” you say gratefully taking the glass of water and taking two Tylenol.

Steve waves you off, you will be forever in awe of the way Steve is able to make anything seem like a piece of cake. He never made you feel like a burden, something you are always concerned about. It made you feel a little more at ease.

“You really didn’t have to do all this for me, it’s my own mess that I gotta figure out how to clean up, I feel bad that you went through all this trouble for me” you confess, guilt already filling your chest again. These were the consequences of your own actions, and you needed to deal with it. You think about how unfair you’ve been, not only to Eddie or Violet, but to Steve as well. None of them deserved to be caught up in your hurricane, but yet they all paid the price somehow.

“You’d do it for me...you have done it for me” he says quietly, looking at his hands.

You turn your head, studying his face, he seemed slightly embarrassed but mostly sad.

“You didn’t have to come over and check on me, especially not when I drunk texted you like an idiot. You were so kind, and I was so pathetic.” He runs his fingers through his hair, shaking his head slightly.

“Anyone would have done that Steve, really it’s okay, I didn’t mind helping. Everyone needs some help every now and again,” you say dismissing him.

“Exactly, so why don’t you take your own advice and let me help you?” he counters, sticking up one of his eyebrows in retort.

You try and find a reason, but you couldn’t think of a good one. Your brain is exhausted, you need comfort.. a hug, something.

“C’mere” Steve mumbles, opening his arms to you, like he could read your mind, but knowing you, your face doesn’t hide much. Your pain was probably written all over your face. You didn’t have anything left in you to deny yourself any longer, that left when Eddie did. You crawl into Steves arms and let out a deep breath for one of the first times tonight. He wraps his strong arms around you, the two of you sit like that for a bit. Steve never pulling away, just letting you cuddle up against him for as long as you need.

You sigh in his arms, allowing yourself to fully relax, you wrap your fingers around Steves shirt. Bringing him impossibly closer to you, taking in his intoxicating scent once again. His heartbeat against your ear warming you more than the shower did, making your body relax completely against his. After today’s events, this little bit of affection was like a drug, a drug that was filling your body with need. Desire brewing inside you, begging you to forget, pleading with you to give into your deepest needs.

You pull back from Steve's embrace, just enough to be a couple inches from his face, you could feel his breath on your cheeks. You look into his eyes, but he's not looking at you. He’s looking at your lips, you can see his brain fighting the urge to kiss you. And that diminishes the rest of your resolve, you lean in closer to his lips. Steve eagerly meets you halfway, his lips a hungry attack on your own. Not like the way he kissed you back in his office so many weeks ago, that kiss was swift and innocent. This kiss was one filled with passion and need, he grabs the back of your neck, almost like a promise to himself that he wouldn’t let you go this time. You entwine your fingers into his silky locks at the nap of his neck, pulling him closer to you. That elicits a groan from Steve, only making your need for him grow stronger. His moan makes your brain short circuit, the most primal part of you coming out of its cave, ready to play. You couldn’t even count how many nights during the start of the school year you would imagine what he sounded like, with your hand between your legs.

Steve grabs your waist and pulls you onto his lap, you mindlessly grind against his lap selfishly trying to find any type of friction against your core. You moan into each other’s mouths, a song of your combined desperation for each other. The two of you are a tangled mess of hands, lips, and tongues.

Steve grabs at the edges of your (his) shirt, pulling it up and over your head. It takes Steve no time to start his assault on your chest. Leaving open mouthed kisses on your skin, nipping and sucking on your nipples, making you grind down harder on his lap.

“Damn... you’re so fucking beautiful,” he moans into your chest, his voice making you throw your head back in pleasure, answering him with a moan of your own. His eyes wild in lust, slightly bloodshot from the previous events, but still trained on you, like you’re the only thing that mattered in the world right now. Steve's grip on you was firm but not bruising, another way he showed you how much he cared for you, even now. You hold onto his shoulders for support, grinding down faster into his lap. The head of his cock rubbing deliciously against your clit, you could feel your arousal soaking the cloth of Steve’s boxers, you’d be embarrassed if you weren’t so incredible turned on.

Wanting to see more of him you tug his shirt off too, running your hands through his dark brown chest hair.

He guides you to lay down on the bed, his weight on top of you only adding to the feeling of his cock in between your folds. You moan loudly, pushing your hips against his, the pleasure building deep inside you.

“You sound so pretty baby, so so pretty” Steve praises you, leaving little kisses along your pulse point. He makes his way down your body, leaving kisses on every open patch of skin he could find. Reaching the hem of his boxers hanging lowly on your waist, looking up at you, his eyes asking permission to move forward with his thought. You nod your head quickly, in your hazy state you’d probably let him do about anything to you right now. He leaves a kiss right below your belly button as a thank you as he slides of your (his) boxers, pushing your legs open to fully expose yourself to him.

Steve lets out a pained moan, spreading your lips, inspecting every inch of your center like it was painted my da Vinci himself.

“Jesus christ baby, look at you.. soo wet” He admires, barely audible to you, almost like he was talking to himself. Steve leaves chaste kisses on your thighs, making them slightly in anticipation. Finally Steve licks a long stripe from your center to your clit, flicking your clit with the point of his tongue.

“Fuck Steve oh-oh my god,” you whimper, you were already so needy and you barely started.

Steve goes to town like a man starved, if it didn’t feel so damn good, you’d be worried that he wasn’t coming up for air. His tongue darting expertly in and out of your core, his handsomely pointed nose rubbing up against your clit making you see stars.

Your legs threaten to close, unable to hold them open any longer, smushing Steve's face. His hands guide your thighs open wider than before, getting impossibly closer to your heat. Your body hurtling embarrassingly fast towards your release already, you grab a fist full of his hair to steady yourself.

Free of consequences, and pain, it’s ecstasy.

Steve moans deliciously into your core, the vibration sending another wave of pleasure down your spine, rolling your hips into his face.

“H-holy shitt, look at you baby, makin’ such a mess for me, such a good girl,” he coos at you, making you clench around nothing. The whole bottom half of his face glistening with your arousal, not that it seemed to bother Steve. He looked like a kid in a fucking candy store, greedily sucking, nipping, and licking every drop you gave him. He’s a man possessed.

With every lick of Steve’s tongue, you were getting closer and closer to pure bliss. The headboard behind you rocking back and forth against the wall obnoxiously, you look down below you to see Steve's hips rocking against the mattress as he was buried deep in between your legs. What a fucking sight.

He's so pretty

That image alone brings you right at the edge, your hips grinding fervently against his face, your combined moans filling the room

“Yeah, right there, fuck right fucking there!” you wail.

His hands tighten around your thighs, doubling down between your folds.

“Fuck Fuck Fuck I’m gonnna... I’m gonna cum!” you scream as your vision whites out and euphoria floods your system. Your ears ringing, the only thing you can hear is the mixed moans of you and Steve. Your on cloud nine, your brain thanking you, your mind clear of Eddie and Violet, only Steve. Steve's hands, mouth, lips, tongue, everything Steve.

Once you come down from your high, you look at Steve hungrily, sitting up to capture his lips with yours. Your release tangy on his tongue. He wraps his arms around you, smooshing you back onto the bed.

“Your turn” you say with a smirk, flipping him over onto his back.

“Uh.. no need” Steve says sheepishly, looking down at the wet spot that formed in his grey sweatpants. Your mouth hung open in an “O” shape. Steve just came from eating you out

… holy shit...

“Holy shit” you say, your eyes unable to move from the mess he made in his pants.

“Yeah, holy shit” he chimes in, clearly a little embarrassed by his actions. You didn’t want him to be embarrassed, he had no need to be. He is just one of the sexiest men alive that’s all, no big deal. You look up at him with lust still in his eyes, and lean over his mess. You leave open mouth kisses on the fabric, licking lightly with your tongue. You taste bits of Steve's release, making you moan wishing for more.

“Jesus- Fuck!” Steve hisses, his hips buckle at the sensation, still sensitive from his climax. You look back up at him innocently, giving him a light kiss on the cheek.

“What am I gonna do with you, you naughty girl” he smirks, shaking his head back and forth. The question hanging uncomfortable in the air...

What the fuck were the two of you going to do? What the fuck was that?

Eventually the two make your way to the bathroom, Steve leaves momentarily to change into different pants and leaves you to clean yourself. Upon his return he brought you a new pair of boxers and you thank him gratefully. The other pair completely pathetically soiled.

Looking at Steve post orgasm should be its own art exhibit, his grey-brown hair messy from being pulled and tugged, his eyes still slightly blown in lust, his lips pink, and his chest delightfully bare. How could he get even more beautiful? You wished your mind to take a picture to remember this.

Steve walks you back to your room and sits next to you on the bed, so many unsaid words hung in the air. Firstly, you didn’t want Steve to think this was some kind of a rebound, of course it felt good, but you had been wanting Steve since the first day he set foot in the classroom. Then there was Eddie, your wound still fresh from your breakup. You really do care for Eddie, he was the best boyfriend you’ve ever had, but that didn’t diminish your feelings for Steve. You knew that if Eddie found out about what the two of you had done, you’d just hurt him even more than you already have. You stomach started twisting in knots, the mess you made growing bigger by the hour bringing in more casualties. Your brain is even more confused than it was a few hours ago, if that’s even possible.

“This doesn’t have to be a thing, you know? We don’t have to talk about it ever again. Scouts honor,” He confesses, smiling warmly at you.

“I’m so sorry Steve, I didn’t mean for this to happen, I- I don’t know what happened, I just...”

“You’re sorry? I should be the one who’s apologizing, I feel like a fucking monster. You were a little drunk, and so was I, and I didn’t stop it even though I should have. You don’t have to explain yourself to me at all Y/N, okay?” he interrupts.

You feel some tension leaving your shoulders, although you didn’t think it was Steve’s fault at all. But all the energy you had to argue with him, had been squashed by the orgasm Steve so wonderfully gifted to you, your body now beyond exhausted, begging you for sleep. You bring your knees up to your chest and yawn.

“Okay Stevie,” you say, your eyes fluttering, fighting to stay open.

Steve smiles warmly at the nickname, “Alright, well I’ll let you get some rest, I’m just down the hall if you need anything”

You watch Steve get up and walk towards the door, anxiety filling your head watching him leave. You didn’t want him to go. You remember how nice his arms felt around you not an hour ago, and how calm your brain is when he’s around.

“Steve?” you say barely audible.

“Yeah?” he says his eyes showing a hint of concern and anticipation.

“Stay with me?” you beg pathetically. You know its not right, you know you shouldn’t want him, or crave him. What about Eddie, what about fucking Eddie. But your heart ached with the thought of sleeping so close but so far from him, the need for him ached deep inside your bones.

Silence fills the room, the two of you looking at each other, knowing the answer to your question could change everything. You open your mouth saying you’ve changed your mind, feeling stupid again for the hundredth time tonight.

But as you’re about to say something, Steve closes the door and sits next to you on the bed. Steve's eyes are tired, you look at the clock next to you and it’s nearly 5 am, Steve had the patience of a god. You let out the breath you were holding, the bubble of anxiety dissipating from your chest.

“Go on, get comfy, I know you’re exhausted” Steve orders, motioning towards the covers. You wrap yourself up under the very expensive looking blankets, Steve tugging the blankets up higher making sure you were comfy before settling in behind you. He envelops you with his arms, pulling you closer, your back now flush with his chest and your head resting comfortable under his. Steve is so warm, like the sun, filling your body with its heat, your eyes eyes getting heavy. He rubs soothing circles into your bare skin that’s open to him.

“’s this okay?” he breathes quietly into your ear.

“Yeah.. perfect,” you whisper, alright on the verge of sleep.

Dreamland finds you not long after, the dull ache in your chest soothed by the warmth of Steve’s body next to you in bed.

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isabeauwolf · 3 months

Text

Alright.

Since it's been days since we've gotten to see our beloved birdman Kai Chisaki one more time in the manga, we've all let our feelings out about his ending, either you hated it or not. Felts depressed and sad.

I gotta ask all of my fellow Overhaul, Kai Chisaki stans and fans: What made you pick Overhaul as your favorite character/ Villain in MHA?

What made him draw you in?

Fascinate you?

Fall for him so hard, he drew you away from your previous anime/manga husband or wifu?

Where you a manga or anime only before his handsome villainous yakuza birdman came into your life?

Was it is character design? Mannerisms? His powerful quirk? His plan to erase quirks, his serum and determination to restore the Shie Hassaikai into power? His godly voice by both Kenjiro Tsuda and Kellen Goff?

(Pst, honestly, I love it all ;) His man's got my heart is a death grip; even if, he's competing with Trafalgar Law for my attention and affection, and now Dabi.)

Instead of throwing around all the hate surrounding this man. Let's send him off with a bang! Love, support, the whole she-bang, even if, you still high disagree with his actions towards Pops and Eri.

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(If every seems out of order or all over the place, I'm sorry! Please be, patient with me, and thank you!)

I've give my personal thoughts on Kai Chisaki, Overhaul. My yakuza birdman husband here! (huge breakdown/ summary, rant about this man; spoilers ahead!) Not like, I haven't been doing that the whole time, I've been on here XD I've talked with other Overhaul/Kai stans and fans on here, giving my two cents, which I love and appreciate to everyone who's talked and fangirled/boyed with me!

Be warned that I might to ramble, and this whole thing might now make sense, or is all over the place, again, I'm sorry! But if you don't mind, I thank you!

I started off as an anime only, and watched on my own time. Even if I heard AFO's introduction, and All For One's and All Might's battle at Kamino Ward and All Might saying goodbye One For All in subbed first; my husband was watching it the living room while I was on my laptop watching a different series. The music drew me in and I couldn't look away, watching the whole battle with baited breath until it was over.

Then I watched the series by myself since I couldn't sleep months after. Cheering for Deku, smiling and crying with hm.

I watch in dubbed first, since it's hard to focus on subbed while having a toddler running around. XD Then rewatch it in subbed form.

Anyways, at the end of season 3 we get a tease of Overhaul's introduction. His voice, golden eyes drew me in, hook line and sinker.

I've always been a sucker for bad boys and I love a man that wears a suit. lol So it gave Overhaul some brownie points. I know it isn't just me! Don't lie, haha.

The fact that Overhaul straight up challenged Shigaraki for the spot as the next King of the Underworld, pointing out his mistakes and lack of motivation once more; the same as Stain had in the previous hard, showing that Overhaul himself had been in the game a bit longer than Shiggy.

Overhaul while insulting the younger villain was indeed asking the right questions. Shiggy had misused and lost his powerful NPC's during the Training Camp attack with the Vanguard Action Squad, Muscular and Moonfish.

He had every right to question his motives.

Overhaul is blunt and spoke the truth about Shiggy's leadership skills, even if it ending with Magne's death. As sad as it was she did attack him first when if she was defending her belief's and the league, she didn't have to die. Compress didn't have to lose an arm.

The confrontation and damage done on both side makes you see that Overhaul is a dangerous man, with an equally dangerous quirk on top of being able to bring someone back to life if he wanted to, showcasing the quirk erasing bullets. We hadn't really seen an onscreen death before then, or at least, not that I remember.

Overhaul is cold blooded and driven, but calm and calculated; he's a man who's not afraid to get his hands dirty when he needs to, despite his quirks drawback and hate of the aftermath.

When we meet him again with Shigaraki at the Shie Hassaikai underground meeting room, and the bits given by Sir Nighteye, it's clear that Overhaul has the means to til the scales of Villain and Hero society, if he was given more time and wasn't fighting against the clock. He still needed more funding and man power to mass product both sets of bullets.

Had he succeeded and gotten away with his arms still intact, despite losing Eri to the Heroes, we might have seen him and the right bullets again down the line, but it wasn't in the cards.

(We finally get to see Kai, our birdman unmasked and his poor man get's done soooo dirty! First it's his stoic and impressive, criminally handsome face, then Shiggy took his hard work, him and Mr Compress tag-teamed taking his hands away, leaving him quirkless, helpless, in despair and he's terrified! Not for himself, but because without his quirk he can't reverse the damage he's done to pop's, he can't wake him up or talk to him again.)

Underestimating the Heroes, The League, and being overly cocky and arrogant played a major part of his own fall. His isolation from others and seeing his subordinates and closest friend as pawns to be used and thrown away didn't help, yet the men closest to his inner circle were indeed the most loyal of his followers.

It wasn't outright said, but shown that Overhaul himself was forgiving and understanding when Chrono or Nemoto made mistakes, he didn't scold them or yell at them.

( If I missed anything in this summary, let me know. XD )

He's a well written character and villain. A man possessed and obsessed with fulfilling his goals, repaying Pops, the man who took him in and gave him a home, a place to be himself.

The way Pops found Chisaki as a boy, alone, covered in filth and I imagine he was hungry, always made me feel as if we were missing something from his past. He wanted more than anything to replay the man who saved him and rebuilding the Shie Hassaikai's former glory and reputation along with returning people quirkless.

Might have saved so many lives who were eventually lost, but at the end of the day, he still choose the darkest route and solution.

If the Quirk Doomsday theory we've heard about and snippets we've seen so far. Different combinations of quirks are getting stronger and stronger, people like Touya who's bodies destroys itself while using his fire. There may come a time where not even support items could save a person from their overly strong and destructive quirk.

Could you imagine what he could have done with his quirk, if he was a doctor?! He could have replaced recovery girl's position as UA's school nurse or even a Doctor since healing quirks are so rare.

Of course, I'm not saying what he did was justified by any means.

Kai Chisaki, Overhaul is practically The Fullmetal Alchemist in MHA without the use of Equivalent Exchange! Yes, he threw away his human name, becoming, "a demon with no heart" as Pops says.

As we see him fuse with Nemoto and Rikiya Katsukame, each fusion he becomes more monstrous, a much more darker version of himself; fulling giving into "Overhaul," his villain persona, not carrying who he has to hurt to get his way.

I will admit that I'm down bad for Kai/Overhaul and his Monsterhaul form, Nemoto version, but the giant monster form, lol

Now, let's get down to the nitty gritty.

Knowing about him being in Dr Garaki's/AFO's orphanage and that Shigaraki has a copy of his quirk. They more they parallel each other so much more after that reveal.

It explains so much about his character!

Kai Chisaki won't flat out say it or address it, neither has Horikoshi but its clear that he was heavily traumatized and abused as a kid before Pops found him.

Oh yes, the trauma bucket! Like our beloved characters in the series doesn't have enough trauma as it is. Let's see how far that habit hole goes for Kai? -_-

The lack of remorse for his victims, justifies his action, manipulative, lack of physical response to violence, deception, and hostel, his acts are usually well planned in advance, irritability and aggressive behavior when provoked, reckless disregard for safety of others - antisocial and sociopathic tendencies.

Lack of empathy, believes he's special and the only one who can cure the world, need for admiration from Pops, his abandonment and self-worth issues go hand-in-hand with his fear of his father figure throwing him out of the Shie Hassaikai with his final ultimatum of dropping his plan.

Out of everything, we only get sprinkles here and there that Kai had done before snapping.

You can see it, the way he tenses and his hands ball into a fists, no doubt, surprised, shocked, hurt even before redirected into anger and violence.

Putting his father figure into a coma, and taking matters into his own hands. Become the villain, we all know and love, adore, praise, however you see him as.

Before becoming "Overhaul," Kai used to get into brawls with anyone who dared disrespect the Shie Hassaikai, and wants to help the boss; protecting the honor of the yakuza and protecting them from being called, "Villains." (Classic delinquent behavior, I imagine he did it in high school since we've seen him do it as an adult.)

We see him wear normal clothes: black dress pants, blazer and purple dress shirt, no gloves and a black duster mask over his face. (I'd honestly, love to see Kai in more civilian, classy outfits! More unbuttoned shirts and all, please!)

Even if Pops scolding him and explaining that they must protect civilians instead of hurting them, the old man still affectionately pets the top of his head and praises him for protecting their honor. Which in itself is a kind gesture, but something I think he took a little too much into his heart.

The scolding for doing something dishonorable, but praised for his intentions has overtime been taken form into the most cold and logical extreme actions.

Nobody can deny that Overhaul's got drip! XD

Overhaul's more professional outfits: the red and gold plague doctor's mask, and white gloves. Borrowing inspiration from All For One, he uses his quirks name as his alias, his Villain name and quirk ability, the idea for his quirk erasing and serum, as "Overhaul", he can kill and wants to change the world.

To preserve the past, he must engage with the present and became a villain out of necessity.

What's the difference?

The differences between a young Kai standing up for his father's honor and the snarling demon he has become. All of it against a world that had clearly outgrown him and the old ways of the Yakuza, but he refused to accept it and to protect his only family and most precious person, Pops.

As we've been in the latest chapter of MHA, without his quirk, without his arms and plague mask, and the last time we saw him. Kai Chisaki, inside is still a boy who wants to make his father figure proud and wants attention and praise.

As Pop's said before he took things too far again, shoving the older man's wisdom and wishes aside, taking action into his own hands, not only crossing the line between the gray that Pop's held against the Villains' and Heroes, Black and White, Kai instead, erased the line and jumped over it, making his own line and walked into a dangerous and dishonorable path.

======= What I missed last minute, sorry guy's.... I'm almost done, I swear! =======

It's clear, that he's smart and well educated, he could have studied as a medical student, read medical journals during his free time or just because he was a huge science and medical geek, we will never know.

My bet's on the ladder, practicing how to control his quirk and for the fun of it. He's the type of person to obssess with something and run away with it, a concerting amount.

You can't tell me that Pop's didn't walk in to Kai's room or living room, seeing Kai asleep on the couch or floor with a book either on his face or on his chest! Or Kai geeking out over a first edition or rare medical journal he found or Pop's and Hari had given him as a birthday present!

The birdman is such a workaholic that he's no doubt forgotten about his birthday, if Pop's or Hari didn't plan something for him!

If Kai is such a health nut and germ, wash your hands after every speck of dusk lands on your hands, then I need to know his skincare routine!

Do you think his hands is soft?

We know he works out from how jacked he is from his back and abs, fuck, I'd gladly claim him like a tree X////////////x

I'm not the only one who wanted him to have those traditional tatts, right? Of course, it's optional and traditional, but come on! I excepted to see the Shie Hassaikai's embalm, sakura or at least, a raven something! Anything! Hell, all three! Well, in my fanfic he does.

Also, Lady Nagant, you lucky woman, getting to touch and dress Kai!

Wish, I could trade places to pamper and comfort this man.

Screw you, AFO, Kai comes first.

I don't care if Kai comes off as stuck-up, spoiled rich brat, a bubble bath princess, narcissist and a asshole. If given the change to rock this man's world and fuck his brains out, you bet your ass I would!

If he could put up with my ditzy, clumsy, sassy, way too honest and smart-ass mouth, then fine. Baby needs to laugh more! I wanna see him smile!

--------------------

Well, it's almost 2am and I'm going to be. XD If you've had to through my rant/rambling of Kai. Share your thoughts with me... again, sorry for it being too long and wayyyyy all over the place.

Of course, I always forget something...... XD

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hypersomniagame · 8 months

Text

HYPERSOMNIA JANUARY DEV LOG : "LOG 1, WOOHOO!"

Hi! For all of you who follow HYPERSOMNIA, or are just stopping by, let me introduce you to this post to really set the tone.

For 2024, I am going to try to release a dev log about HYPERSOMNIA once a month, may come earlier, may come a little late, but I'm doing this to help give insight on to how the game is going, and to give me motivation to work on the game.

First things first, big news!

HYPERSOMNIA IS NOW AVAILABLE TO WISHLIST ON STEAM! (LINK)

After a while of back and forwarding with Valve, I've finally got a Steam page to call my own, and MAN is it bizarre seeing my weird little RPG in my Steam library. Like, that's my logo, and my key art, and screenshots of MY game, that's so weird. It doesn't feel real. BUT IT IS!

And, I would really really really really really appreciate it if you would consider wishlisting the game on Steam. It helps with the algorithm, and my happiness because I like seeing numbers go up, it feels good.

I even drew this as a announcement/commemoration for the page going live.

(P.S; if you couldn't tell, I really like Half-Life, it's one of my favorite game series.)

Secondly...

A new trailer is in the works! We were accepted for this year's MOTHER Direct (4th time baby, whoo!)

The trailer has been coming along well, I hope to show more battle oriented clips that I've missed the last few years, like special moves.

Can you believe I've never actually gotten to adding those in the game? I mean, they come set-up in default RPG Maker projects but I've never gotten around to revamping them until now, year 4 of engine work. Isn't that strange?

I also hope to improve on editing in the trailers. Whenever I finish a trailer I come back a few months later to notice minor points where I was kinda sloppy.

I'm not much of a video editor, (I only learned so I could edit trailers on my own) but I'd like to keep them at a good presentable quality. You gotta have standards with that kinda stuff, it's important!

OK, TIME FOR THE ACTUAL GAME STUFF. HERE WE GO.

Abilities are now implemented! And work! Wahoo!

In HYPERSOMNIA, players are able to switch abilities between party members. I find this a really interesting mechanic for how simple it seems, you get to choose who plays what role in your party. I think this is HUGE, and opens up a lot of unique scenarios for the game's encounters. I've had this planned for years, as far back as 2021 if I can recall, so it's super cool seeing it in game.

Mapping is being worked on!

I've also been working on mapping out more areas of the game! The forest part you hopefully saw in the last trailer is almost completely mapped. I've been working on the second part to it and am hoping to finish it sometime soon.

Mapping forests really suck. THOUGH, almost all the maps for the first chapter of the game are done! That's just another step closer to the demo. (Which, FYI, will be on Steam and Itch! ^^)

I've also been working on re-spriting older scenes!

This one's been really fun to do, I've been going back and redoing older stuff from the 2022 trailer, like this train! It's weird seeing it side by side, because you can definitely see where it's come from but at the same time, it looks so different.

(Also side note, these sprites are CRUSTY! EWWW!)

Lastly, Script and Music updates!

The script for HYPERSOMNIA's first act has been completed! with just 37 pages of just cutscene dialog alone! We're also currently working on wrapping up NPC dialog! Not much else to say.

And music is being worked on!

Music has been making some progress! I like to lay out demo's for areas I'm mapping out to help make both the music and scene come together. (Also, to help break up the eerie silence when playtesting...)

Speaking of music, FIREBALL, the games main battle theme, was recently delisted on our YouTube channel.

We did this because we decided we wanted to resample FIREBALL, and found that it's best to not have the song uploaded until a complete, final version is made. At least for the demo, it could possibly change before the final game but that's a bit too far in the future for me to think about fully.

Hey! Thanks for reading the whole dev log! Unless you just skipped to the end, you should probably go back up and read it. there's a steam page now. and some cool ross art at the top. you're missing out!

I hope this was like, readable to you all. I'm new to this whole dev log thing, so if you read it all the way through, let me know! It'd be cool!

I'd like to use this portion to pretty much just advertise Unique Indie RPG's.

Have you ever seen that strange purple square at the beginning of the 2nd and 3rd HYPERSOMNIA trailers?

Yeah, that! That's UNIQUE INDIE RPG's, which is a Discord community for you guessed it, Unique Indie RPG videogames developed by people like me! Or you! Or whoever! Who cares!

I help run it with some of my friends, and we all share cool stuff about our videogames! There's a ton of other SUPER cool RPG Maker games there like Astral Guard [LINK], or SOMEWHEN [LINK], or even MOMOinc [LINK]!

And of course, HYPERSOMNIA. It's a really laid back community, we're all super chill. Come swing by! We'd love to have ya, and SHOW US YOUR GAME!

[LINK TO DISCORD SERVER]

TWITTER

YOUTUBE

STEAM

UNIQUE INDIE RPG'S [SHOW US YOUR GAME!]

[PREV] [ABOUT HYPERSOMNIA] [NEXT]

#hypersomniagame #rpgmaker #indie dev #updates #dev log #rpg #indiedev #earthbound #unique indie rpgs

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hells-greatest-performers · 3 months

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Alastor are you awake? I think you should make sure your husband doesn't overworks himself. The gesture is nice, but i'm worried he might end up hurting himself or the baby he is carrying. You should know best how stubborn he can get when he set his mind on something...

Alastor: *woke up a few hours ago and finally got the kids and went home* Lucifer? Are you in here, darling?

*hears some crashing noises upstairs*

Alastor: Oh Lord. He's in one of his "moods" again. *looks at the kids* Why don't you kids go rest on the couch? Calliope, be a dear and read your siblings a story?

Calliope: Yes, Papa. *takes Verena and Caelan to the living room*

Alastor: *goes to see what Lucifer is doing now*

Lucifer: *dragging things around and making a mess*

Alastor: Lucifer?! What are you doing?!

Lucifer: Oh, hey Alastor! You're early! Wait, I'm not done! Turn away from the mess!

Alastor: Lucifer. You shouldn't be doing this.

Lucifer: Why not?! I'm being productive! You should see what I've already done! Caelan is gonna love his new room design and Virgil's nursery is ready for him! All that's left is Charlie's nursery!

Alastor: And the other baby...right?

Lucifer: What other baby?

Alastor: Lucifer! The one you're carrying!

Lucifer: *looks down and sees his swollen stomach* Oh, pfft, of course! Though I'm still working on details for *eye roll* this kid. Hmm...maybe another duck theme nursery would be cute!

Alastor: *worried* Lucifer...let's take a break. Okay?

Lucifer: No! I'm in the mood! I gotta get this done while I'm still motivated!

Alastor: *gently takes Lucifer's hands, trying to calm him* Listen to me, love. You're overworking yourself. You've done so much already, but you need to rest. Think about the baby and your health.

Lucifer: *frustrated, but starting to relent* But there's so much to do, Alastor. I can't just stop now.

Alastor: *softly* The work will still be here tomorrow. Right now, I need you to take care of yourself. We need you to be healthy and strong, not just for the baby, but for all of us.

Lucifer: *sighs, feeling the exhaustion finally catch up to him* I just...want everything to be perfect.

Alastor: *pulls him into a gentle embrace* And it will be, because you're here. But you can't do it all at once. Please, for me, for the kids, let's take a break.

Lucifer: *leaning into the embrace, finally nodding* Okay...okay, you're right. I just...get so caught up sometimes.

Alastor: *kissing his forehead* I know. Let's go downstairs and join the kids. We'll figure everything out together.

Lucifer: *smiling softly* Alright. Thank you, Alastor. I needed that.

Alastor: Anytime, love. Now, let's go relax and enjoy some family time.

#sorry no formatting #hells greatest performers au #hazbin hotel #alastor #lucifer morningstar #lucifer #ask lucifer #ask alastor #radioapple

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ssixely · 13 days

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What's 6elies b4 bed w0rk0ut routine?

Okay so, this is a tricky one. Because one day I lose 1 whole kg overnight, n another day I lose just 0,4. But honestly it's better than nothing. I will probably change my routine sometime soon but here's my current one! I do this in bed every night before sleeping.

First things first, I do 70 sit-ups. Although sit-ups burn a lot of c4ls, it is one of my comfort w0rk0uts n whenever I used to skip them, I lost motivation n started b1ng1ng (but I've never skipped a night since a little before I started this blog).

So after that comes–I mentioned this one before–3MIN Abs Workout | Get Small Abs in 2WEEKS by momomi. Instead of following a timer, I do each w0rk0ut 70 times! I wanna start doing this one during the day too, but I haven't had time yet. I will definitely update you guys once I'm aware if it works by itself too! I haven't done it for 2 weeks yet so.

For the last part, I couldn't find the youtube short I got it from so I'm try my best to explain it. These are 3 different w0rk0uts for your legs, while you're laying down!!! I usually rest a couple of seconds from momomi's video before I start doing 70 wide splits. You basically raise your legs in the air || (imagine that as ur legs, as straight as possible) and you open \/ ("spread") your legs as much as possible (like left leg as much as possible to the left n right leg as much as possible to the right). And then you close it again ||. Everyone time close your legs, you've done 1 wide split. Second one is similar, but instead it 70 crisscross. You open your legs like with wide splits \/, and then you close them. But not like ||. Instead you cross them, like X. And then you open them again \/. Every cross is 1 crisscross. Last one consists of two parts: your right leg n your left leg. The name kinda explains it already, 70 leg pulls each while laying down (70 times right leg n 70 times left leg). You basically pull your leg to yourself/your body/face, and then stretch it again in the air.

That's it! I'm also gonna start trying How to Get Slim Legs on Bed Routine | 6 Minutes 🎀 by Gloria Song. I just gotta memorize it first so I can do it in bed lol. I will update you guys! I also desperately need to find a better routine because once I do this enough times, it will stop having an effect on my body.

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piastrinorris · 2 years

Text

busy streets and busy lives • ralph penbury x reader

A strange day at work gets even stranger when you meet a man who claims he's from 1926. With no certainty as to when he can get back, you decide to take him in until that time arrives.

masterlist | prev. | next

Tags: Timewasters (series), modern!au, slow burn, mutual pining, idiots in love™, fluff, some angst, swearing and mentions of adult themes throughout, eventual adult content, alcohol content, penbury is a fanon surname

Word count: 4.2k

A/N: Aaaaaand THIS is where the real good stuff starts! Sorry for all the other posts, just had to start getting the ball rolling. I am aware that since this is taking place in modern London, there may well be slang used that people don't necessarily recognise. If you'd like me to make a glossary of some kind, hit me up!! I hope you enjoy Ralph In The Future as much as I do <3

"Bet it feels strange being behind here again, doesn't it?" the customer asks you. It's an older woman, you don't particularly recognise her, but she certainly seems to know you well enough to know you've been promoted since you first started working here.

You force a smile, "Not really! Sometimes the floor just needs an extra pair of hands, and it helps me know what's working and what isn't for my staff and my customers, so," you shrug.

"Yeah, I don't envy you, still working at a time when nobody wants to work," she shakes her head.

You press your lips together tightly. There are so many arguments you could make right now, but already trying to juggle two roles is taxing enough. Instead you simply tell the woman her total and ring her through. Once again adorning your best customer service smile, you thank her for her custom and send her on her way.

"D'you think she's ever worked a customer service job in her life?" Your shop floor assistant asks as they re-fold their display shirts.

You shake your head, "I think… Cushty little secretary job at her dad's business, at first. Never had to pay rent, got married to the first guy at that job to pay her attention, got a council house nice and early and spawned a couple of kids just to stop him from walking."

They let out a wide-eyed, long-drawn breath, "Daaamn, someone woke up on the salty side of the bed this morning!"

You chuckle humourlessly, "That doesn't even make sense. And yeah, sorry, it just… Really sucks that I've got major shit to do this week, but I can't just let you do all the work out here on your own, not with Karens like that around."

"Can't you get your friend to come down and cover? Or to do your manager shit on their next shift?"

"Nah, it's gotta be me. And they can't come in today because of their other job, so I'm gonna do it as overtime," you explain dejectedly.

"You're doing great, champ!" they sidle up to you to gently punch you in the shoulder encouragingly.

"Hey now, kiddo, I'm the manager here, I need to be motivating you!"

"Nah, you're sales right now. You're just as good as the rest of us common muck," they tease, and you stick your tongue out at them.

The day drags, and the quality of customers certainly doesn’t improve. A man who thinks he can return an item without a receipt. A woman who insists on ordering an item that’s no longer available because she saw a friend wearing it just last week. Children.

And sure, maybe now, at 5:40pm, the customer of your dreams could walk in through the front door. But you and your coworker are exhausted, and this is the kind of shit you always wanted to become a manager to do. Taking one last look up and down the almost empty high street, save for the ones who are heading to the Wetherspoons on the corner, you decide to start the closing process early.

You manage to finish a little after 6pm, and you consider just getting all of your admin stuff done while you’re here, but also, you really can’t stand the sight of these four walls much longer. You figure you’ll just go to the coffee shop nearby, get yourself an iced latte for the walk home and think about what kind of takeaway you’ll be craving once you get back to your flat. No cooking. Not tonight.

You’re well into a mental debate about whether you’d rather have a chow mein or a biryani when something else piques your interest. There’s a man in front of you in some kind of costume. It’s either really old-school military, or… Safari explorer. Maybe he’s one of those live re-enactors. Maybe he works at the zoo. Maybe he’s just one of those quirked-up little guys. You get your phone out to text your friends, ready to ask them if they’ve seen anyone dressed similarly before, but as you continue walking you collide with something.

Someone. Your flimsy plastic cup gets crushed immediately upon the impact, pouring ice cold coffee down the strangely-dressed man’s back. Your first instinct is to shout, “Watch it!”

The man jumps out of his skin, either at your words or the ice cubes soaking his back. He spins around to look at you like a deer in headlights. Eyes like giant chocolate buttons stare you down. If he’s supposed to be dressed as an Army boy, he does not have the face to convince me, you think. Unless the message they’re sending is that literally anyone could get drafted.

“You alright?” you ask, eyes narrowing and head cocking as you study him.

“Ah - um - oh, I’m sorry! I’m so sorry! This was absolutely my fault, I’m just - I’m so lost, and I was trying to find a man and now he’s gone and - oh, blast, stupid Ralph, you’ve really gone and done it now!” the man flusters, looking in every direction except at you.

You whistle and click your fingers at his eye level. “Hey, Bambi! Focus. It’s okay.”

He moves his head back to scrunch his face at you in confusion. “Bambi?”

You smirk, “Yeah, you’re like a baby deer right now. You said you’re lost? Where’re you trying to get to?”

“Uh, well, I suppose I should try and find my home, um… Penbury House?” he asks tentatively.

You kiss your teeth a few times as you think of where you’ve heard that name before. “Oh!” You look at him, puzzled. “You sure that’s your house?”

“Well, my name is Ralph Penbury, so…” he wiggles his shoulders from side to side before shrugging. You appreciate the extra flair.

“Right, but Penbury House is the name of the place they turned into a Waterstone’s,” you explain. He looks lost again, so you explain, “Waterstone’s is a bookstore.”

Ralph scoffs, “Oh, pish-posh, my home has not become a bookstore! That would be quite preposterous!”

So far your entire interaction with this strange man has been a tennis match of bewilderment, just exchanging expressions back and forth. “Are you, like… On something, mate? Do you need me to get you somewhere safe?”

“I want to go home, please! And not a… Bookstore, my real, actual home!” He’s starting to sound quite overwhelmed now, so you take a step back.

“Okay, okay. It’s okay. We can calm down. You mentioned looking for a man? Do you know this man?”

“Well, not personally, but I travelled here with him. About yea tall,” he holds his hand just in line with his eyebrows, “very old. Silent man. Hair just past his ears. Looks, um. Unwashed.”

Your eyebrows raise in realisation. “Ah, Homeless Pete!” Makes sense that Pete and his crew would be involved somehow. “Shall we go and find him?”

“Do you know where he is?!” Ralph asks, his expression lighting up. He may be dressed like an absolute twat, but you can’t deny his adorable little puppy-dog face.

“I know where he hangs out, we can go see if he’s there?” you ask, and Ralph nods. “C’mon,” you jerk your head in the direction towards where you know Homeless Pete tends to hang out when he’s not walking the streets. You wonder what ol’ H.P. (as your friends call him) could have given his poor boy to make him trip like this. “So, uh, quick question. Sorry, I completely forgot. What’s the full date today?”

“Well, the last I checked, it was September the 7th, 1926,” he replies simply. You stop in your tracks, and he looks back at you with a frown. “What’s the matter?”

“N-nothing, nothing,” you shake your head and carry on walking. This poor boy must be on something pretty damn strong. “Let’s get you to H.P, yeah?” Just to find out what he’s taken. Then it’s straight to the hospital.

Ralph inhales so loudly that a guttural sound forms in his throat. “Oh my goodness! Do you think - am I in - the future?” He grips your arm tightly. “Was the lift a time machine, perhaps?”

“Maybe,” you tap his hand lightly with your own as you keep walking with him, "considering that it's September the 7th, 2022." Normally, you would be throwing any stranger that hugged your arm like Ralph now is to the ground, but there’s just something about him. Either he plays the innocent human puppy role far better than any indie boy that’s ever tried to hit on you on a night out, or he really is just going through it.

You eventually reach the underpass where a large part of the local homeless population gather, and sure enough, there is Pete himself, sat between two shopping trolleys. He spots the two of you and immediately bursts into laughter. “What the fuck, H.P?!” you yell. “You’re usually chill, what have you done to this poor boy?!”

“‘M not a boy, I’m a grown man, thank you,” Ralph mutters into your shoulder.

“‘Course you are, babe,” you murmur sarcastically as you nod at him, before once again turning to Pete. “Well?! You’ve got him talking about - about time machines, and the 1920s, I mean, just look at how the poor sod’s dressed!” Pete’s eyes widen as he waggles his finger at you, as though you’re both in a game of charades and you’re on the right track. You turn to one of the people Pete lives amongst, “What’s he been on today?”

The other person shakes their head. “Nothing, swear down! Besides, he’s a proper tight-arse, he wouldn’t go ‘round drugging any fucker going. ‘Specially not a toff like that,” they snort with laughter as they point to Ralph.

You look back to Homeless Pete. “So, you’re telling me. Time travel is fucking real.” Pete nods. “And you were in 1926, and you dragged this sad sack of shit out here with you, with no context.”

“You know I can hear you,” Ralph points out indignantly, but still quietly and still from the safety of behind your shoulder. His arms are still wrapped around yours, too.

“Yeah, but look at you, mate. You’re not exactly getting us answers as to how to get you back to… Wherever we get you back to,” you explain before once again turning to Pete. “Where is this… Time machine? Ralph said something about a lift.” Pete snarls as he gestures over to a block of flats you vaguely recognise. “So we go there, get him back in the lift, and then what? Is there a button, or a combination, or -?” Pete moves his hand from side to side. “And what does that mean, is it a random button each time?” Again, it feels like you’re in a game of charades as he silently tells you you’re on the right track. “Is the random part right?” Nod. “So, it’s not about the button, but… The floor you get on?” A shake of the head. “Is it just at random times?” Nod. “So, how do you know when to go back to it?” He shrugs, then points to his temple. “What, you get some kind of vibe, some Spidey sense?” He nods with an upside down smile. You sigh. “So we don’t know when Ralph here can get back.” A shake of the head.

“Do I have to stay here with him, then?” Ralph asks you sadly.

You sigh again. “No, c’mon. I guess you won’t want Chinese or Indian, we’ll just get a chippy dinner on the way home.” You start walking in the other direction, and Ralph quickly paces to catch up with you.

“A chippy dinner?” he asks, baffled.

“Yeah! Like fish and chips? They had that in the 20s, surely?” you reply.

“Well, yes, I suppose, but we only ever had it at the seaside,” he cocks his head as though reminiscing fondly. It only accentuates the cuteness of his whole face.

“Think you can be a big boy again now, or do you still wanna hold on?” you ask, outstretching your arm. He doesn’t appear to blush in the conventional sense, but his ears do flush a bright pink. Even more adorable. Fuck. Remember, he’s technically like a hundred years older than you. He slinks one arm around yours and you pull him in tightly by pressing your own arms towards your torso. “There we go. Now I can make sure I’m guiding you so that hopefully you don’t get bumped into anymore.”

“I think I’ve certainly learned my lesson in not standing still in front of people!” Ralph jokes, making you genuinely laugh for the first time all day. It feels strange, you can feel every muscle in your face move with it. But you also feel the weight on your chest lifting, too. You’d been at boiling point all day at work, and discovering a time-traveller wasn’t exactly helping you to simmer down. But you can make this work. He’s just an… Eccentric, extremely sheltered family friend who’s staying with you for a short while. That’s what you’ll tell anyone who asks.

“Yeah, you’ve learned that if you do, some dickhead’ll throw their iced coffee all over your back!” you laugh.

Ralph frowns, “You’re not a - a one of those, at all! You’re very nice to take me in like this. Most people seemed to think I belonged in a jungle.”

“Yeah, the old school military uniform kinda looks more… Safari explorer, these days,” you explain.

Ralph’s eyes light up. “Someone finally recognises the Army uniform for what it is!”

“Yeah, I thought I recognised it from when we went to the War Museum for school once. That was the kind of get-up they used to wear in the First World War.” You trip over your own feet a little as Ralph once again halts to anchor you to him, despite what he’s just said. He looks… Distraught. “Alright, mate?”

“Why did you say… First World War?" He asks with fear in his voice. "We won the Great War to restore the - the balance of power, how long did that last?!” He looks at you, dumbfounded.

You hiss air through your teeth. “Oh, boy. Yeah, there’s a lot that’s happened in the last century. I don’t know if it’s such a good idea telling you all of it, since once you get back, it’ll be your future, so…” You contemplate. “We’ll just keep all the questions you have to stuff you’ll need to get by in the here and now, alright? Anything you learn about history, just try and let it go over your head,” you pull him forwards gently and he falls back into step with you.

“One question I have about the here and now,” Ralph starts, and you look over at him. He makes eye contact with you to ask, “What exactly is your name?”

Laughing again, you tell him. “Sorry, I really should have led with that, shouldn’t I! It’s been a long day."

“I’ll say. About a hundred-odd years long!” A giggle bubbles out from Ralph’s lips and it makes you snicker, too.

“You’re a funny one, Penbury. For an old sod, at least,” you push your shoulder into his before leading him into the chip shop. “So, are you a fish guy, sausage, fishcake, pie?”

Ralph looks at all the options in the serving counter with an upturned nose. “What’s that one?” he asks, pressing his finger against the glass.

You look over and answer, “Battered sausage. Sausage, but in the batter they cook the fish in. Bloody lovely,” you smile wistfully.

“I might just stick to the classic cod and chips, thank you,” Ralph mutters under his breath as he stares around the small room in fascination. You order on behalf of the pair of you and take the bag from the server with a grateful smile. Ralph notices and plasters one on as well, though his definitely comes off as more fake. He basically attaches himself to your arm again the second you’re out of the door, as though you’re bound together magnetically, and you guide him to the tower block that contains your pokey little flat.

After spending several minutes convincing Ralph that the lift isn’t going to suck him into another time period, and that he’s more than welcome to traipse up all the stairs that lead to the ninth floor, he relents and stands in the lift with you, though he stands so close that you’d think his goal was for you to wear him. Brushing against his chest feels nice, though. Shut up, you’re just touch-starved. This is not your ticket out of your dry spell. This is a fever dream.

Once you’re in your flat, you quickly dig out whatever men's clothes you have laying around - some sweatpants and a white T-shirt, and you throw them at him. "Just to get out of your dirty clothes while I plate up, eat before this gets cold, then you can go shower. I'm sure there's some boxers in my pyjama drawer you could use, too, I'll find those for you in a bit." You point to your bathroom and he quietly complies.

You could've just eaten the meals straight from their wrapper, the way you always do. But you figured Ralph has had enough culture shocks as it is, you'll give him the decency of eating from a plate. Besides, spending your night with a man dressed in 1920s army gear who's eating fish and chips out of some paper on his lap might just be enough of a sight to tell you to get yourself checked into the psych ward at the earliest convenience. At least you can try and create some kind of normalcy in this moment.

A quick Google search tells you television wasn't around in 1926, so you don't want to expose him to that tonight, too. Give it a day, maybe. You could play some old-time-y music on your Echo but you're not sure what he'd want to listen to. Instead, once you're both sat on the sofa together, you make conversation with him about his past as you eat. He tells you about how the Penburys were known socialites, how he and his sister had pretty much the same group of friends, how they had recently found friends in a rather special group of people, one of which he'd fallen head over heels for, just for her to reject him, and his heartbreak caused him to join the Army, which he hated.

"It's rather funny, you know," Ralph adds. "People here talk very similarly to Lauren and the others. I wonder if they exist in this time, too."

You start piecing things together. "Lauren… Plays jazz… She the drummer in this little quartet?" Ralph nods, his eyes wide. "Kinda short, has a brother called Nick?"

"Nicholas, yes! He's tall and he wears thick glasses! You know them?!" Ralph asks excitedly.

"Yeah, Nick was in my class all through high school! Always used to fancy him," you reminisce happily before stifling a laugh. "Wait, wait. So you mean to tell me that this Lauren you're besotted with is - is Little Lauren? Oh, you poor, sweet boy."

He looks offended. "Why would you think that that’s such a bad thing?!"

"Mate, I've known you five minutes and even I know Lauren would chew you up and spit you out," you look at him sympathetically. "And you're not gonna be able to change her on that. Unless you're into all that kinda stuff," your nose turns up a little as you joke, just to get a reaction from him.

Sure enough, there go the illusive colour-changing ears. He sputters, "W- I - I don’- I’m no- That is no appropriate discussion topic over dinner!” and you collapse into a fit of giggles, falling into him a little.

“Oh, lighten up, Ralph. Things are far less proper round here, that was nothing,” you explain, to his horror.

Once you’re both finished eating, you grab a clean pair of boxers from your pyjama drawer and toss them into the bathroom, gesturing to Ralph with your head that that’s where he ought to go. “Sorry you’re gonna have to use your finger as a toothbrush tonight, I’ve not got any extras of those, but -”

“Oh, all of this is already above and beyond! Even taking me in, I - I hope you understand how truly grateful I am, and with your patience acclimating me to… All this,” Ralph gestures around with his hands.

You nod with a soft smile. “Uh, give the shower a few minutes to run, though. Goes from freezing to scalding and then you’ve just sort of gotta… Keep fiddling with it. You’ll figure it out, I’m sure.”

The various screeches you hear from behind the closed door suggest that he is not as successful in figuring out the shower as you’d hoped. While he showers, you do a little more digging. Thankful that your mum’s weird obsession with your family tree may finally come in handy, you ask for the login to her online ancestry account. Tapping through to the census search, you type the name ralph penbury and set the dates between around 1890 and 1930 to look for any documentations of birth - or death. Sure enough, an entry pops up:

Ralph Penbury - Date of birth: 01/02/1901 - Parents: William and Delilah Penbury - Occupation: Private in the Armed Forces - Death: Announced 19/09/1926 - MIA, presumed dead

You frown at the result. Was Ralph always doomed to go missing in action, you wonder? Is he only presumed as such because he’s travelled through time? His existence hasn’t been completely erased by the trip, obviously, but how much of this was affected by it? It hurts your head to try and think about. But at least you know when his birthday is. It’s still a few months away by all accounts, you may not even get to celebrate it with him. You still make a note of it in your phone.

Ralph soon emerges from the bathroom, and the sight causes your breath to catch in the back of your throat. He already had a certain cuteness about him, but as he rubs his hair dry with the towel, his damp natural curls stick out in all directions. Some facial hair and a neck chain or two, and he’d be exactly the kind of guy you’d let break your heart in a smoking area. He studies your face carefully as you’re staring at him. “Is there something wrong?”

“No!” you snap yourself out of your trance quickly. “No, not at all. Um, you can - you can take the bed. If you want. Get a good night’s sleep.”

Ralph gasps in horror, “I could never! I am simply a guest, I must insis-”

“And I must insist that you’ve literally travelled almost a hundred years to be here. Who knows when you’re gonna be here until, so… I don’t mind. I can sleep on the sofa for now, I promise,” you smile. “Just let me get in there real quick to get changed myself too, yeah?” Despite still standing in the bathroom doorway, and therefore not in the way of your bedroom, Ralph still steps aside and gestures towards it for you.

You change into a tank top and trousers combo, grab a blanket and some cushions out from your wardrobe, and head back into the living area. “Are you decent?” Ralph asks, his eyes squeezed.

You laugh, “Down, boy, I wasn’t exactly going to come out in my birthday suit, was I?! Yes, I am, you can look.”

He opens his eyes, takes one look at you, and yelps before covering his face with his hands. “You said you were decent!”

You look down at yourself, confused. Sure, the top is well-fitting, but you don’t think it’s indecent at all. You walk over to him and pull his wrists down. His eyes are once again shut tightly. “Ralph. It’s okay. I promise. Again, this is absolutely fine and modest in these times. Unless you want to stick out like a sore thumb, you’ll have to get used to it,” you shrug, letting go of him. He opens his eyes slowly and his breath shudders as he quickly jolts away.

“Okay, very well. I’ll try my hardest,” he nods, though he seems to be making the effort to keep his jaw up to maintain a high eyeline. “Are you sure you’ll be okay sleeping out here?”

You sigh, repeating once again, “Yes, Ralph, I’ll be fine. Go get some rest. You’ve had a big day.”

“Yes, very well. Erm,” he ducks his head down and to the side for a split second, as though to kiss your cheek, before stopping himself and once again raising his head high, his eyes wide and his ears pink. He clears his throat. “Thank you, again. Good night.”

“G’night, mate. Sleep well,” you pat his arm and start setting up the sofa for the night as he enters your bedroom and closes the door behind him.

You stick the TV on, not really caring what’s playing as it only really serves as background noise, and turn your lights off. The glows of the television screen and your phone screen illuminate the room as you search for any other evidence of time travel. Nothing that matched Ralph’s story comes up. You’re somewhere deep into a conspiracy theory about someone with a mobile phone being spotted at a Charlie Chaplin premiere when you finally drift off to sleep.

next chapter

#ralph timewasters #ralph timewasters x reader #ralph timewasters x you #ralph timewasters fanfic #ralph timewasters imagine #ralph penbury #ralph penbury x reader #ralph penbury x you #ralph penbury fanfic #ralph penbury imagine #ralph timewasters fluff #ralph penbury fluff #bsbl #fic: bsbl #*myfics

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halcyonfawn · 1 year

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the cards

clara, pushing the tardis' doors: i'm done! that was the last straw. we ought to do something about your communication skills

the doctor, tagging along, squinting: my communication skills are fine.

clara, unconvinced: oh really? you've just told that poor granny to buy a rug...

the doctor, interrupting: and? what's so bad about it? you humans buy new furniture every once in a while!

clara, finishing her sentence: ...as a replacement for her dead cat.

the doctor, nodding: yes, 'cause they are practically the same thing

clara, blown away by his audacity: how?!

the doctor, sighing: rugs are like cats, soft and fluffy, make you feel comfortable and warm. the only difference is one of these things meows. and that's why rugs are even better! they're everything but alive and annoying

clara: precisely! she was mourning and you literally suggested her getting another dead cat

the doctor: *gives her the most confused look ever*

clara, taking the matter into her own hands: i'll think of something

the doctor, indifferent: it's not going to work because there's nothing to work on

clara, leaving the tardis: you keep talking and all i can hear is meh-meh-meh-meh-meh. see you on wednesday!

the doctor, muttering: she's rude, she's got problems, not me

- the next wednesday -

clara: *putting something into his hand*

the doctor, staring blankly at the mysterious cards: what's this? motivational quotes?

clara, smiling proudly: better. remember the conversation we had last time? about your flawless communication skills? i have written down some basic phrases that will help you with talking to people. works perfectly for 6-year-old kids but a 2000-year-old timelord will do, too

the doctor: *frowning, opening his mouth to speak*

clara, raising a finger: but i knew you would never agree to this so i'm not talking to you until you apologize properly to that granny.

the doctor, chuckling: you cannot be serious-

clara: *on her way to the exit*

the doctor, watching her leave: clara?

clara: *pretending not to hear him*

the doctor, when she almost disappears behind the doors: fine! i'll do it

clara, peeking out of the door, victorious smile on her face: splendid!

- the granny's house -

the doctor, skeptical: i apologize for comparing your furry dead friend to a rug even though i was right-

clara, clearing her throat, whispering: the cards.

the doctor, pulling the cards out of his pocket, reading: i'm sincerely sorry about what i said. it was very rude and inappropriate of me.

the old lady, face softening, pulling the doctor into an unexpected hug: oh, it's okay, love, i knew you were just trying to help

the doctor, frozen in place: well, in that case, i'm taking back everything that i've just-

clara, saving him from being crushed by the old lady's grip: sush. we'd love to stay, but we gotta go

#dw #doctor who #whouffaldi #twelveclara #twelve x clara #clara oswald #twelfth doctor #in her spare time clara babysits big old timelord #silly dialogues

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decaydanceredacted · 1 month

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being travies pet with william mghhhg…. bills a kitty and i'm a puppy, but we get along really well! i'll help bill clean himself (even if i'm no good at it and he ends up pawing me away so he can fix the mess i've made of his hair) and he'll bat toys around for me to chase, and when we get tired we curl up near each other (he's allowed up on the couch and i'm not, so i'll be on the floor) and it's so lovely!! travies so good to us and he gets me a nice cozy kennel at the end of his bed and bilvy will reach over and annoy me till we fall asleep every night… and he fucks us so good!! if weve been good he lets me fuck bilvy with the strap all fast and rough as a reward.. calls me a good puppy whos gonna breed bill sooo good while bill is moaning and mewling under me.. his collars got a little bell on it that jingles every time i thrust and push him up the bed and it makes my brain so empty and feel so good but i'm just a dumb puppy in rut so its okay! i dont need to think just need to hump hump hump till i feel better!! travies got the leash to my collar wrapped around his hand so he can pull me off if he needs to and its just so perfect <3 bill cums before i'm done, he's all fucked out and spent and cant take any more so travie pulls me back and out of him. i whine and he promises me he'll get to me in just a minute, he just needs to take care of the kitty right now okay? i mindlessly rut against the bed while i wait for him, which im not supposed to do, but when he gets back to me he just sighs and tells me that its okay and he knows im just too stupid to know any better right now. he helps me out of the strap harness and pushes me to my knees by the edge of the bed which is so exciting!! i love getting to suck my owners cock !! he makes me wait for it, just a little, holding me back by my hair, so that when he finally lets me go i reaaallly really want it. i take him so good and he even fucks my throat!! which i love so much.. pulling my leash and making my collar tight around my neck so it feels even better for him. hes so big and he fills my throat up so nicely and its just so perfect. he pulls out before he finishes, making me stick my tongue out and pant and then he cums all over my face. i whine again and he chuckles, says he knows but i've gotta help him clean this up first okay? and so i do! he cleans his mess off his face and feeds it to me with his fingers and i swallow it all cuz he asked me to. he pulls me back up the bed and helps me straddle his thigh before pushing my hips down for me a few times until i get the idea that im meant to ride it, which i do, and when i finally cum i white out and dont come back till hes got me all clean and is moving me up the bed so i can cuddle with him and bill. i get to sleep on the bed cause i was just such a good puppy for him and i drift off between my owner and my best friend in the whole world.. beautiful times. god please make this real polease please please please please please

would say i got a little carried away but when do i not. imagining fucking these band guys/these band guys fucking is the only thing that motivates me in life. amen - sweat anon

#wb #tmc #tmc + wb #sweat anon #extra long redacted #co signed because that was some real shit you just said #sweat anon you continue to have hit after hit

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toomuchracket · 1 year

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Yesyesyes! D word engagement <3

the very early d word blurbs mention you and matty hanging out together for the first time in parks around london (and beyond, on tour!), going for walks and coffees and just getting to know each other out of the confines of the office and cramped backstage areas and planes and cars and tour buses. when you start going on holidays together, you stay in places either in or surrounded by natural, open spaces - as much as you and matty like being squished up against each other lmao, you both like the freedom and escape from pressure that these places afford you and your relationship. so when it comes to him proposing to you, somewhere like that seems the most apt, and the most meaningful - also in terms of it being meaningful, i think that matty might actually propose in the closest nice park to your house, because, well, it's home and that means a lot to you both. he plans it for a little gap between busy spells at work, so you have the time and energy to actually bask in the engagement glow lol; this is also quite genius of him, because when work stops being so busy matty can be like "baby you should book a spa day. and also get your nails done. just take some time for yourself, sweetheart, because you've been working non-stop lately", thus ensuring your nails will look extra perfect above your beautiful new ring (not that matty would care if your manicure wasn't immaculate, but you would. imagine the pics lmao!!). but yeah, it happens quite early on a sunday morning while you're walking through the park on your way to get coffee, as you regularly do when you can. it's spring, the sun hasn't long risen so everything is still slightly golden, and the flowers are beginning to bloom beautifully in the park; it's when you stop to admire some of them (particularly some tulips) that matty gets down on one knee. you literally turn back round to look at him like "babe, aren't they stunning?", and gasp when you see him kneeling on the (thankfully dry) path, ring box in hand, grinning at you - matty's like "they are, darling. i think they're lovely enough for me to be doing this here, in this place we both love. that is, of course, my motivation for doing this - i love you, sweetheart, so much. and i tried so hard to write a speech about how much, and it's cringe to say given that it's literally my job, but i couldn't come up with the right combination of words to accurately convey how in love with you i am. but i think this ring and the question i'm about to ask you kinda do that for me". at that, he opens the box to reveal the most perfect ring, before continuing "i've said it before, and i'll say it again: i love you. i love life more with you in it. and i'd love if you would do me the honour of becoming my wife. will you marry me, darling?" - you squeak out a "yeah", and matty stands up to slide the ring onto your finger, smiling tearily at you before he kisses you. you're both a bit dazed when you pull back, beaming giddily at each other and giggling, before kissing quickly again and hugging tightly. you murmur into matty's shoulder "i love you. i can't believe this is real. and i actually can't wait to marry you either, baby", and he kisses the side of your head like "it's just a dream come true, isn't it? and i can't wait to marry you either, sweetheart, but we'll have to - gotta get coffee first, yeah?"; you giggle, and pull back, holding out your left hand for matty to take (which he does, after kissing your ring finger) like "let's hurry up and do that so we can get home as soon as - we've got a wedding to start planning, after all" <3

#mads answers asks #matty asks #fluff asks #d word matty

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catbountry · 2 months

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I think before I go to bed, I should make it clear that my flippancy about the failed assassination attempt on Trump is because this man didn't give enough of a fuck to protect the citizens of the country he fucking ran from a deadly virus that killed hundreds of thousands of people in that country alone.

Like we talk a lot about all presidents being war criminals to come extent but for your average American, it's very hard to put names and faces to the anonymous brown people we hear getting bombed by drone strikes on the other side of the world. Like we know it's bad, but because we don't see these people, it's hard to actually like, internalize that. But with COVID? Your average American knew somebody who died, or almost died, or was in danger or dying. And this motherfucker, pumping his fist in the air after getting grazed by a bullet while a spectator in the crowd died, got to live through getting COVID because he was the President when he got it. He lived when our friends, our family, or neighbors, suffered and died. 100s of 9/11s worth of deaths happened while he was running for re-election. It's now gotten to over a million under Biden, but those early days when the most could have been done to curb the number of deaths, we just were at the mercy of a man who could not give a less of a liquid, fast-food induced shit about the average American. Like I know the government gladly serves capital over us but I've never seen it so mask off in my entire life.

I can't speak for when Reagan was president, mind, I was born halfway through his second term. Not a whole lot of memories of that because I was, you know, a baby.

But like Reagan, Trump did not take the lives of our countrymen seriously enough to even look out for us when we needed it most, and it wasn't even motivated by homophobia; just indifference. He failed us, not that we ever expected that much of him to begin with. The blood of people who we know with faces and names and voices and memories are dead because of him. And even if COVID is "over," he's made it clear that if he gets in, he doesn't fucking care if he does shit that kills more people through simply not caring, or just out of spite.

I'm sorry that I find it hard to try and play at good optics and respectability politics for the sake of not giving republicans ammo (they're gonna find ammo regardless, they always do). This man raped our country, and that word choice is very deliberate. He stumbled in, took what he wanted, broke so many rules, violated every boundary put into place to keep him in check, and like a vengeful ex, sicc'd a pack of his flying monkeys to enact violent revenge on the government elected by the people that dumped his ass. He's a petty little tyrant trying to become a dictator so he can huff deep from the most concentrated narcissistic supply known to a modern leader so far this century, and he has apologists who think he should have raped the country harder.

I am going to continue to live my life as normal as I possibly can, to try and focus on what I can do for myself to be happy and have a sense of stability and to be able to like myself, while also doing what I can to support my friends and loved ones. To remember the dead and remember what it was like to come down with COVID myself and how awful it felt. To try not to lose hope and vote if only just to protect the rights of my friends, my family, and myself, and hope that we can get through this together, whatever the fuck it will even be. I'm kinda scared, and jokes make things a little less scary because at least I know there are other people who are just as frustrated as I am, reacting the same way.

We gotta look for each other. Monke together strong.

Stay safe, guys. You are loved.

#political bullshit #not fanfiction #tl;dr #serious posting #I do not care for the tangerine man he is le bad #strong and brave statements only on this blog I know lol

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tododeku-or-bust · 2 months

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Fic Writing Ask Game

I was asked to play by the wonderful @shooshopath ! I'm sending it to @toiletpotato @queenoftherandomword @spacebeyonce @surkovhasherpes

1. how many works do you have on ao3?

2. what's your total ao3 word count?

943,229

3. what fandoms do you write for?

Currently, just Patrochilles (TSoA and Hades)

4. top 5 fics by kudos?

Flashing Lights, Restless, to face the sea, where flowers bloom, Paradise, & and the nights, they are endless

5. do you respond to comments?

I do! I used to think it was really nice when authors answered my comments. I always make a point to answer comments to let people know I care about their feedback and that I appreciate their support, especially if they choose to become a consistent reader. It's a bit embarrassing though, half my comment count is me responding 😭

6. fic you wrote with the angstiest ending:

Lacrimosa

7. fic you wrote with the happiest ending:

I think the rest are all generally happy ending 😅 can't really pick one.

8. do you get hate on fics?

I had for a couple of my Patrochilles and Parenthood series, particularly on my OC. Tbh, I'm shocked I don't receive more, given that Black female characters usually receive minimal grace. Everyone's been very supportive, if not necessarily completely understanding the perspective of the narrative (thus the "your OC is a self insert" comment. Like, I'm writing about the experience of Black girlhood, where else am I gonna pull from lmao we tend to go through particular things!)

9. do you write smut? if so, what kind?

Nah, not really. I'll usually include a sex scene here or there, but I don't write just straight smut. There's always gotta be some angst or some sort of plot. I don't think my writing is good enough for straight smut, so I leave that to others.

10. do you write crossovers?

Technically my Patrochilles fics are crossovers, but fr I just tag both fandoms for reach. If I'm focused specifically on the TSoA rendition, I only tag for that. Otherwise, no. Same idea with MDZS.

11. have you ever had a fic stolen?

Apparently so! Well, not stolen, but heavily inspired by. Since it wasn't word for word, I'm not willing to get lynched by white fandom to start an argument about it.

12. have you ever had a fic translated?

I have!

13. have you ever co-written a fic before?

Nah 😅 unfortunately I'm too territorial about my writing process.

14. all-time favorite ship?

Patrochilles, with AshEiji as a close close second.

15. what's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

Blooms of a Wilting Garden. It's a WangXian fic I was super, SUPER passionate about... And then I burnt out of both the fic and the fandom. It was just so toxic in that space that I got disillusioned. Maybe I will- it is outlined!

16. writing strengths:

I personally think that I'm very good with dialogue and character motivations. I'm also very passionate about movement while I write, bc I think that it adds emphasis to both of those things. But yeah, I'm very intense about motivations- how might someone's character change in certain situations? What might cause an outburst in one moment might generate an incredibly calm response in another, all for the same character. It all depends on the situation, and I like exploring that.

17. writing weaknesses:

I feel like I could do better with "prettier" writing. On the one hand it's a style choice, I tend to prefer words that get to the point I'm trying to depict. On the other hand, sometimes I wish I could write as beautifully and set up as well done a setting as other writers. I've been trying to do better with that. But I also write fic as a hobby so... 🤷🏾‍♀️

18. thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

I've tried direct translation (language, then the English translation next to it) and italicizing. Some phrases I know well enough to use the former, but if I get caught up I will use the latter.

19. first fandom you wrote for:

On AO3? Bnha, tododeku (thus the name of the blog. I was pretty intense about it. Oh how I've grown in 4 years).

20. favorite fic of yours:

Hmmm... This is hard. I love all my fics as a favorite for different reasons 😭😭 the overall winner? Restless, my first AshEiji fic. It's one of my fics that I'm always rereading, and I love how it came about because of two nightmares I had. Like they really worked in allowing me to write a perspective on Eiji that I felt I wasn't seeing in the fandom at the time. Protection (my second Philia fic) is my second place.

Thanks for sending this to me! I'm so happy to see it 😊 I miss talking about my stuff sometimes.

#ask game

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noctivague · 10 months

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Revamping my altar - Part 01🙃

Let's ingnore the fact that I ghosted my blog for the most part of this year and jump right in as if nothing happened....

Starting point

I'm a very aesthetically driven person and I'm bored with my current altar, which has been remained the same for a long time. (I thought I had a picture but I don't and it's gone now so oops...)

I want to create something that puts me in an inspired mood just by looking at it. That looks inviting and beautiful and brings me delight and motivation. A little sanctuary nook kinda.

I want to revitalize things and symbolize the new era i'm in, due to the fact that i recently moved into a new flat, got a new job, and overall my life is very different than it was last year.

So here is the journey of making my new altar :) At the moment it's far from done but here is the first part of the process!

Part 02 will follow once I've received the things I ordered, probably at the end of November or early December.

Inspirations

So i went on a quest to find inspirations on pinterest that would sort of align with what i wanted to make.

ngl I dislike most of what I see because I find them too cluttered for my personal taste. The main issue is that i'm clumsy and i hate the idea of my hand having to slither through a forest of objects to be able to grab what i want lol

Still managed to find a few cool examples, here they are:

I love the rough, folk-esque, natural aspects of them, the blend of stone, marble and wood. The branches, the sculptures, the iconic symbols and the fact that there is a variety of heights of things, if that makes sense. I also like having a strong art piece in the middle, which i prefer over having a mirror like many examples i found. Idk i just find the idea of having to stare at myself at my altar a bit uncomfortable lol

But it's still different from what would be authentic for me and also i gotta do with what i have or what i can buy.

The thing is that my altar is not dedicated to a single deity so i can't go with one strong themed vibe but i have to put them all together. Currently, Apollo, Artemis, Hekate, Dionysos, Hermes and Demeter share the same space.

Furniture

Thankfully the new book shelf I got is quite wide and has three levels, which is plenty enough space to give everyone their own space and even host my incense, tarot cards and spiritual books.

I almost sold a kidney to get an antique cabinet, which looked really cool but was not going to fit in with the interior style of my living room, where my altar is located.

So I went in with a more modern yet slightly organic-shaped one:

Not 100% what I was looking for but at least the space is there. Love the curves an the contrast of the two colors, but I wish the wood was darker. I could sand and re-varnish but who's got time for that.

Current state of the sculptures

I've been collecting sculptures and hand painting them for a while now (you can check out my pinned post for pictures of some of them), and although I love what I made, I really want to get some new ones that are higher and I'm even wondering if I should just keep them white and gold instead of colorful.

Also, for the life of me, I can't find a sculpture of Hekate that I like. They either look too bland or too new-agey for my taste. At the moment, I have the classic three women holding torches and stuff that I hand painted in blue, yellow and silver, but idk it's not what I have in mind and I think I'm just going to resort to do clay modelling myself. I'll probably do a separate post for the process!

Btw I'll do a free giveaway in the future to re-home my old sculptures so stay tuned for that!

What I have in mind

Sooo I'm not sure of the exact height and width of the things that I have coming in, and I'm still looking for a strong art piece or relief to go at the center back so I'm not sure if my disgusting mouse-drawn photoshop sketch is going to be accurate at all lol

The more I stare at it the more I think it makes no sense 🙃

So basically, from left to right; Apollo (new statue incoming); Artemis (old statue at the moment but need to upgrade); Hekate in the center (need to craft that); Dionysos (new bust incoming); Hermes (new bust incoming); and on the lower lever Demeter (still love the statue as I think it's my best one so it will stay this way).

Still missing:

one or two candles i use during worship, preferably gold

art piece in the center, either a plaster relief or canva print of something

plant with long falling ''arms'' (idk the word in english)

dried branches to go in the left vase

a way to fix the antlers to the wall

an old key for hekate (need to go to a thrift store)

maybeee a bigger box to store my incense and ritualistic plates and glasses

I don't think I want a table cloth simply because I had one in the past and it was always a mess to clean. Having the bare table is much easier, especially considering that I will burn incense and candles and that gets messy.

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Okay that's it for this long ass post, see ya in a few weeks for part 02!!!

#altar #hellenic polythiest #hellenism #helpol #altar for the gods #greek gods #paganism #pagan altar #hellenic altar

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madness-of-void · 7 months

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The Cosplay Progress (?)

Okay...I'm doing it. I'm showing off the hot mess of progress of the possibly decent, or absolutely hot garbage, cosplay of my version of human!Ink. I do have a nice chunk of the items for the cosplay - just gotta put it together. Most of the putting together can be done in a day, and I have until July to finish it all, soooo...we'll see how this goes! ^^;

Now I'll just post updates maybe every other day, or once a week, since I do have most of it in hand. And it will all be under the cut, since it'll long as fuck. So, without further ado, let's begin, shall we?

First off, this is probably the most ambitious cosplay I've ever done. Normally I do something easy. Examples: Stiles from TW, casual Keith from VLD, and recently (for Halloween) genocide route Frisk. debating on positing what garbo pics i have of those

Flowerfell!Frisk? Probably the most complex I've done, and only because I had to have help make a flower crown, actually use fabric glue for the flowers and little heart on the shorts and flower on the mask , painted up a random prop stick I had lying around no idea why i had that , and did a little bit of faint make-up. And ended up with this:

bad pic i know but it's all i got of the full thing where i don't look like a drowned rat coz goddamn it was hot af

So after that, for some damned reason, I decided it would be a GREAT idea to do a difficulty jump and do Ink! Yaaaaay...I'm so smart. I have been looking at this as a reference for what I need mostly coz i had it saved on my phone already , which has been both motivation to get this done...but also a little intimidating. But I'm already too far into this. Can't back out now!

Anyways, enough rambling! Let's start with the first update on this silly thing!

HOODIE

So, firstly, I already had my eye on the Ink hoodie from @simakai's shop! I already have the Underfell one that I used for my Flowerfell!Frisk cosplay. I also have the Outertale hoodie, bi pride hoodie, and ace pride hoodie all from Simakai! They are all amazing hoodies, and I actually just bought Epic's hoodie from their new shop! Definitely check them out! They're comfy, well made, and I'll admit I wear my Outertale and Underfell hoodies out sometimes.

The pic doesn't do it justice (hence all the millions of links above), but tada! The hoodie! My biggest worry is maybe tripping on the scarf, but I think I can manage. place your bets coz my ass clumsy

Also, there is a little surprise in it!

Twas quite the laughing jumpscare when I was messing with the pockets.

And that's it for update 1! Stay tuned for more. >:3

~+~

Update 2 time!

Apologies for how garbage the pics are for this part. Space was a mess at the time, and I'm too lazy to redo it. With that out of the way...let's ramble!

PANTS

So, next to the sash for the vials, this was surprisingly the hardest thing for me to find. I couldn't find anything that looked "just right". The first pair that I bought did look just right...but the color was way off. Way too bright from what was advertised. Took me a while to find another pair, and I actually bought two more. one of which i may use for a ftfo!ink Now, the next pair is the right color...but it's just a nice pair of sweats/joggers. Which is a bit of a bummer, but seeings how I cannot sew/make a full blown pair of pants (can barely sew at all), and my stepmom (who can sew) isn't that insanely skilled, they will have to do.

Here is a pic of the pants side-by-side coz for the longest time I was going to go with the first pair I bought. But after putting it together with the top...no. Just...no. Did not look good. You'll have to take my word for it.

And before you ask, yes. I will have assistance sewing on the little suspenders. That will be two separate posts on their own in the future! It won't be just plain brown pants.

So that's it for update 2! Stay tuned for more! if you want i ain't forcing ya lols

~+~

Update number 3! Wooooo!

And it is actually really boring.

Like...royally boring. sorry?

GLOVES

So these were a bit easy to get. Granted, I did buy two pairs, because I couldn't decided initially. It was only after trying them on that I could make a decision.

They are a bit long, but I can live with that. especially coz I am not planning on doing the tatts, that would end terribly And, yes, they are missing that little piece on the pinky. Just like the pants are missing the suspenders. And just like with those, I will be having assistance sewing that piece on!

I could show you want I have of that, but I'm planning on making that one big update.

Okay! That's it! Stay tuned for update 4!

~+~

Update 4! Not another exciting one again. The more exciting ones will slowly trickle in. depending on what you define as exciting

Anywho! Update 4!

SHOES

Yes. Shoes. I know our favorite souless bean doesn't wear shoes anymore...but I have to. No need to get my toes all messed up! Especially at this convention center. Walking around there can be a nightmare! Closed toed or not. 😭

Anyway!

Shoes!

They were sadly kind of expensive, but these were the closest I could find that kind of fit for what I was going for and i looked at custom ones first. Plus, I will be wearing these outside of the cosplay. So I get shoes for cosplay, and shoes for whenever I wanna wear them - a win-win.

But, one more thing! I will also I guess ruin them, in a way. How will I ruin them? Well...I was thinking of adding more splatter to them. Plus, see that pesky logo? Welp...I also had an idea for that.

And I'll just leave this update at that. >:3

~+~

Update 5! Long time coming, I know. But a lot of what I have left are bigger pieces that have a few extra things I gotta do, and I just haven't been focused on doing them. But since I'm actually going to finish this one this weekend, I decided to show the unfinished product. With that being said, here we go!

VIALS

These were actually so hard to find! I couldn't find anything that worked! And I originally started looking during the Halloween season, too! When these type of things would be more around. But everything was either way too big or just straight up decorative glass. Which...yeah. Would not do!

Eventually, after searching for ages, I found these on Etsy.

They're originally for necklaces, which, even though they are glass, they're hopefully a tad more sturdy. And, if things work out, I'll have a perfect way to keep them in the sash! We shall see.

I also found these!

Figured it would be fun to have little earrings on human!Ink.

Now, for the paints in the vials, I was having a hard idea what to do. Part of me wanted to put real paint in there. Yeaaaaah...probably not the best idea. But I finally figured it out, and I'll be working on it this weekend!

Stay tuned for the final look!

~+~

Hello hello hello! Tis time for the final rush post of the process! It's all the final stuff, so yay. Pics of the full cosplay will be up either later on after the con, or the day after.

So, without further ado...here we go!

PANTS PART II

Tada! Simple little thing. Probably one of the easiest to do with the whole shebang. And the straps?

Ribbon. Ain't that neat? XD

GLOVES PART II

So this was a bit tricky. I had cloth from an old t-shirt to do for the pinky, but it kept making the sewing machine freak the fuck out since it's such a small piece. I did have backups of gloves that i could wear under the brown ones and cut off all the other fingers. Unfortunately, the two pairs I got turned out to be bright, obnoxious blue instead of the sort of teal-ish/mint color as advertised. So I had to get a third pair, which was a darker green and sheer. Not exactly what I wanted, but eh. Oh well. Creative liberties!

Here is the final result! I had to cut the pinky on the brown gloves too so it looked a little better. And the nail polish is close to what they'll be at the con, just more cleaned up.

SHOES PART II

Okay! Shoes! These came out a little better than I thought they would! And they were fortunately very easy to do. (Which I needed after a few things causing issues)

Tada! Fun little nod to his old shoes (before he had nada)! And of course the black "ink". The paint refused to splatter like I wanted, but oh well. Still pretty happy about it.

VIALS PART II

These actually proved to be more difficult than I anticipated. Many coats were needed, and even then they sort of still smeared oddly. Despite that, they turned out pretty great! I especially love the ink vial earrings. Those definitely were difficult due to their size.

SASH

Whoo-hoo! The sash! Fortunately, my stepmom is a sewing whiz and she helped a great deal with making sure this part of the cosplay came to be. So, here is the sash before:

Definitely was a bit rough, since the Joanne's we went to lost all momentum to care since the bankruptcy filing. And it did fray a little bit upon the cutting of the pattern. Not enough to absolutely ruin it, thank hell.

Here is the final result:

(Sorry about the poor lighting, I really had nowhere else to get a decent pic)

Tada! Vials in sash! Thankfully, they all are snug as a bug in a rug in those pockets! .... With super glue. Really didn't have a choice on that front. Still, for something as ambitious as this, something I definitely went clueless in to, happy it turned out as good as it did.

(Stepmom saved ass with this one ❤️)

WIG

Okay! This...this bitch...was a nightmare. I had never styled a wig before, and for some reason thought it would be a good idea if I did! Had a nice tutorial vid all qued up and thought I was all set! Except...the wig was an absolute tangled mess and took ages to untangle. It was also the second wig I had bought, coz the first one, for some unknown reason, was more purple than advertised. So wig number two, I had to buy in a hurry and it was a tad cheap since I'm on a bit of a budget (moving at the start of August ftw).

But, finally, after hours of fighting with this beast, this is the end result:

The braid will be pulled back into the makeshift ponytail, since I actually do have to pull it back up once it is secured onto my head, but otherwise this is the final result. The blue and pink (squint and you'll see it) are extensions I added, which also proved to be a challenge. Still proud of it all for someone who has never done more than brush a wig before! Though, never again. At least for a long ass while. ;_; thank you Dust for being an easy cosplay for next year

MAKEUP

I can't really show the full makeup I have to do until, well, it's all done, but I have tried it all out and hooray! It all works! So, instead, here is the nice pile I will have to use:

We got two different shade of eyeshadow, since I can't do colored contacts. My eyeballs are...very weird. Only one eye will allow a colored contact, and I did not wanna waste money to only use one contact. So one eye will have green eyeshadows, and the other will have yellow eyeshadows.

There's also gonna be blue eyeliner with the green eye having it on the underlid, and they yellow eye having it on the upper lid. To make it all "whimsical" and "silly".

There's a pencil liner to create the inkblot shape, black face paint to fill it in, and black eyeshadow to help make it even darker. i am a master of doing some cool shit with eyeshadow

I have two different sprays to help keep the makeup on longer. And, of course, the foundation and concealer coz I will look like a zombie otherwise lols.

Yeah...I am...gonna be having a blast with this lot. Especially making sure I can remake the really nice inkblot I did when testing it out. Fingers crossed and best wishes for my dumb ass for being so ambitious.

BROOMIE

No. I will not show this one. Just picture a wig on a stick and there you go. Needless to say, as much as I wanted to like it...I don't. It looks so bad. 99% sure I will not bother bringing bootleg Broomie with me. Makes me sad, but hey...can't win them all.

Okay, so that's it! I'll do a part two of this post since, whoops! I have hit my limit! So, with the next post, I'll have the bag I specifically got for this cosplay (and will totally be using it later), and the full cosplay itself!

And, if anyone is going to AX, I'll see you there mayhaps!

#void talks #nic talks #cosplay fun fun time #this is a wee bit stupid but eh fuck it #i do what i want #not gonna do huge tags for it coz this is just mostly for me and whoever wants to look at my ramblings

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