#gotta be satire right?

[phoenixtakaramono]

There are only two episodes left in The Boys S4, but having seen the leaks and with what we got, I have some opinions.

My conspiracy theory is that they got too many cooks in the kitchen (writers in the writer’s room)—plus the writer’s strike and pandemic happening during this time—and it’s starting to make sense how they dropped the ball with this season.

[realian]

the Hulurama episodes suck so bad holy shit.

[fursecutionisreal]

calm down bro it’s gonna be okay

and he immediately blocked me 😂 what a pussy

[marcusrobertobaq]

And the most interesting part... it's in Detroit xD

i have so many things to say about how the android revolution was handled in dbh, especially how most of the conflict was around markus’s choices to be violent or peaceful. idrk how to phrase it all but like. ugh it just bug me so much really is can all be said from the quote by assata shakur “Nobody in the world, nobody in history, has ever gotten their freedom by appealing to the moral sense of the people who were oppressing them.”

a huge part of the revolution is ‘we can’t stoop to the same level as the human’ and it makes me so mad. like yeah sure, murder and hurting ppl isn’t good. but protests for rights have never been peaceful. you don’t gain rights by being peaceful and perfect. i just hate it so much. plus, the game has obvious parallels to the civil rights movement (even if david cage says it’s not. it is. even if it wasn’t, this game is political no matter how u view it. the topic of rights and freedom will always be political) and to imply that the android revolution has to be near perfectly peaceful to succeed is crazy. girl does he think the civil rights movement was entirely peaceful?? someone put him and all the other writers in a god damn history class

not to mention markus. i think the writers saw him as like the equivalent to mlk jr, with the parallels to the civil rights movements and such, which is crazy considering they turned him into their Savior and led the whole movement. like. side eye. idk i love markus’s story, but i think the whole revolution and being turned into a savior robo jesus was so so bad and tone deaf (thank u david cage..) . and the whole revolution TOOK PLACE IN A WEEK. A WEEK. THATS INSANEE. A WHOLE REVOLUTION IN A WEEK IS INSANE. i understand that a game needs to end but we don’t need to see Every Single Second of the story!! spread it out over a month, give characters time to form relationships, let the plot thicken, let things get tense, let things simmer and develop!!! not everything needs to happen on screen!!! one of my biggest gripes about the game is its timeline </3

i know i just rambled a bunch but god it annoys me so much. markus’s story was done so wrong for so many reason, and as a queer person who’s largely interested in protests and movements for rights and such, it just makes me so mad how badly and idealistically it was created. it feels like it was written by humans, by OPPRESSORS, dreaming of a utopia where they are still good people. :/ which i suppose it IS in a way — but still u get my point

[greaseonmymouth]

I saw this shared around on Threads (why do I go there, I hate it) and commented on as 'this article is so good' and 'must read' including by a few people whose opinion I normally respect, and seeing as monsterfucking and monster everything is like a special little interest for me, I of course instantly clicked through to read it

and I have to say

what the everloving heterosexual fuck is this

two fat paragraphs about omegaverse that don't even mention its origins - I mean - I just - gaze upon this phrase, and despair:

During estrous, Omegas’ vaginas ooze with “slick,” responding to the Alpha’s intoxicating pheromonal perfume.

IT'S CALLED "SLICK" BECAUSE IT'S FROM SELF-LUBRICATING ANUSES. THE REASON THE OMEGAS NEED SELF-LUBRICATING ANUSES TO BEGIN WITH IS BECAUSE THEY DON'T HAVE VAGINAS.

I. have been rendered figuratively speechless. the straights don't know what slick is. the. i. how. how did we end up like this

their dicks swell at the base, creating a “knot,” which lodges them inextricably in the Omega’s slick-soaked (I am so sorry) vagina.

"(I am so sorry)" girl you're writing an article about monster smut and then you have the gall to be embarrassed by the this tame ass (or should i say vagina?) heterosexual omegaverse?

okay, okay. deep breaths. we've only just got started. we started by covering Morning Glory Milking Farm, a minotaur/human erotic romance novel, which well - I've read it, and it's not a bad book by any means, it was actually very very good, a solid story with a great cast and perfectly paced and satisfying romance and loads of sex - is very straight. it's just a minotaur. it's a big guy with a big dick. it's your standard gentle giant/normal sized girl romance. it's not very freaky, but you know, I don't blame the average reader for coming into this thinking this is some out there stuff. gotta start somewhere, right? we didn't all come up through draco/the giant squid crackfic in 2005, you know? and now we've covered Sarah J Maas and we're entering omegaverse territory, this is getting knottier now, right, freakier? this article is going somewhere, right?

you can imagine the intrigue, enemies-to-lovers, and other story lines involved as each captured female eventually finds the member of the barbarian tribe who is destined to worship and fuck the living daylights out of her for the rest of their lives. Oh, and their dicks have a sensitive spur on top designed for clitoral stimulation. It’s just as blue and velvety as the rest of their big alien bodies.

okay so the minotaurs aliens are blue now, i guess.

It seems, also, like the romance genre as a whole is being pushed by monster romance to make things in human-human books as freaky as possible.

ohh?? are we finally getting a proper freak on now??

This genre, “why choose?” or “MMF” (or sometimes even MMMF or MMFM), and also known as “reverse harem,” always features a heroine who is showered with sexual attention by men who are also sexually involved with each other.

having a thousand yard stare moment over here

this author seriously thinks that all these heterofied monster romance tropes are paving the way for the real freaky stuff that is, checks notes, "two hockey players fucking each other while the heroine calls the shots"

this author is positing that human queer erotica/romance are freakier than monster erotica/romance. like. she said that. with her whole chest. black on white.

on one hand a monster, an inhuman being, and on the other, a queer person, a human being. and apparently the real freak is not the minotaur or the blue alien. it is the queer human.

is this satire? it has to be, right?

because if it's not satire, this article is an entire case study in itself on the monstering* of queer people. stunning.

*academic term

[arimiadev]

spooky indie visual novels you've never heard of for spooky season

since it's October I thought I'd put together a list of spooky indie visual novels (horror, Halloween, creepy, dark comedy, anything in the spirit of the season goes) that you've probably never heard of but can play right now on itchio!

model employee

Model Employee is a corporate horror visual novel. Just discharged from the hospital and massively in debt for their life-saving cybernetics, the player-character must adapt to the “extreme” work-life balance of a Tethys Team Member- but they have help. Penny, the artificial personality that controls all security, waste disposal, and employee surveillance in the facility, specializes in reinforcing an especially cutthroat variety  of workplace culture- and she’s taken an interest in you.  If you want to get ahead in your career, you gotta be willing to take some risks.

model employee is such a tightly structured visual novel for being made in just one month for a game jam, making full use of everything while surprising you at every corner. every part of this game was so well planned and thought out- dystopian corporate satire isn’t my cup of tea (we���re living it) but the way they present everything in this game makes it feel so much more intense.

beary the hatchet

It’s Halloween 199X, and you killed someone during your morning shift. Honestly it’s inconvenient. This job was imperfect, sure, but you got to wear a mask with no questions asked and the pay was livable. But now you’ll have to keep the body in the backrooms till your shift is done. Bummer. “You’re… the absolutely WICKED and AWESOME Bearwater Grizzly Killer, aren’t you?!” …and now enters the dreaded true crime fan.

beary the hatchet is such a uniquely lovely game to look at, even if the subject matter is grim. I love the color palette and tones in this, I love the 2.5D graphics, I love how expressive all of the designs are. it’s a game oozing with style.

WE KNOW THE DEVIL

Anyone can kill the devil; that’s why they always make teens the vampire slayers, the magical girls. But some kids can’t even get that right; and that’s why meangirl Neptune, tomboy Jupiter, and shy shy Venus have to endure one more week of summer camp and each other, singing boring songs about jesus, doing busywork for adults, and hoping god’s radio can’t hear them. Before they can leave the summer scouts, they’ve got to spend twelve hours in the loneliest cabin in the woods and wait for the devil to come and live through the night–or not. You know.

it’s a visceral experience, something that feels foreign and familiar at the same time. I love the direction for it, the sketchy monochrome sprites against the colored photos- parts when there aren’t any characters on screen feel that much more real, like you’re watching found footage because of how tense everything is.

disconnect

Late at night, a phone call from a friend keeps disconnecting from you… On and off, on and off, constantly… …What would you do if you realized your friend wasn’t who you thought they were? And how would you react when the truth was finally revealed? (“̷̢̑W̸̨̊o̸̫͊u̷̱͝ḽ̸͛d̴͉̐ ̵̚ͅy̵̜̽o̸̥͗u̷̮̎ ̷̜̏s̶̤̄t̸̥͐i̴̻̕l̸̰͝l̸͉̓ ̷͕́ȁ̸̩c̸̡̓t̵̜̊ ̵͓̈t̶̙̄h̶̦͂e̸̩͠ ̸̩̅s̶̘̏a̷̪͛m̵̮͒e̴͖͑ ̸̭́w̷̨̚á̴̱y̵̯̑?̶͎̌"̷͈̆) Find out what happened to our scaredy-cat protagonist, Indie－a famous horror storyteller on the H-T-M (Horror, Tales, and Mystery) forum. What would she do when she unintentionally uncovered a mystery hidden deep within her own home?

I love the style of disconnect and the unorthodox way of getting to the truth of the matter. I’m not normally one to play furry VNs, but the designs are adorable and I love the presentation of the game, it has a lot of animation in it. there’s also one moment not too far in on this screen that made me scream…

curse of the juniper tree

Curse of the Juniper tree is a tale of two siblings, a cursed tree and an isolated village. It is a short kinetic visual novel featuring 2d exploration. Walk around the snowy village and talk to its inhabitants! Story is loosely based off the fairytale called The Juniper Tree by the Brothers Grimm in Grimm’s Fairy Tales in 1812.

this is a lovely and short story about two siblings living in a frozen land together. it’s a very atmospheric story with so many beautiful blues and detailed character designs. the controls were a bit hard to figure out at times but it’s worth your time.

reaplaced

Grea Perrim is a reaper of souls, and it’s her duty to bring the deceased to the other side. But in the world of reapers, death isn’t any kind of equalizer. The value of a soul is directly tied to the peculiarity of its death. Grea’s supernatural senses bring her to a Halloween house party with three costumed guests. She soon finds the most valuable kind of soul: the victim of a locked-room murder. In order to reap the soul, Grea must unravel the identity of its killer and explain its death in full. Is this the work of a human? A witch? Or something else entirely…?

reaplaced is a fun little whodunnit set on Halloween about a grim reaper out on the hunt who finds herself in the middle of a murder mystery. it’s much more indepth than I was expecting and the soundtrack is wonderful—there’s a lot of small touches to it that make it great.

Silver Thread

An exorcist that doubts the existence of ghost might sound contradictory but to Alicia Wilkershire, this is the right way to get closer to the truth. Her latest job sounded like another run-of-the-mill case and she greeted her client with her usual pessimism but is it, really?

Silver Thread is a spooky and short RPGM game about a skeptical exorcist trying to help a guy with his problems. the style is lovely and if you also like this kind of style, the developer has several other RPGM games like this!

Elevator Hitch

Elevator Hitchis a short 2.5D surreal horror/escape room visual novel with point-and-click and puzzle elements following the story of two co-workers suddenly finding themselves stuck together in a "Perfectly Normal" 70s office elevator.  They must explore each liminal-looking floor and find a way to get off the elevator to their actual destinations.

like a few others on this list, Elevator Hitch was made in just a month for the Spooktober Visual Novel Jam and was my favorite game from the year it came out (2022). it's more of an adventure style game than pure visual novel, so expect puzzles and a lot of bad ends! this developer also has a lot of other similar style adventure visual novels.

The Case of the Serialized Killer

When a popular illustrator is found dead, disgraced demonologist Harold Ludicael is hired to summon her ghost. Ghosts are the one thing he can't summon, but with sharp insight, perhaps he can solve the mystery, and resurrect the most important thing: His career.

this visual novel is an absolute feast on the eyes as all of the art is done by traditionally painted watercolor artworks! the characters are all unique and the world feels very lived in. if you like murder mysteries then check it out.

Stillwater

"𝕊𝕖𝕖𝕚𝕟𝕘 𝕤𝕥𝕣𝕒𝕟𝕘𝕖 𝕥𝕙𝕚𝕟𝕘𝕤 𝕔𝕠𝕞𝕖 𝕒𝕥 𝕒 𝕡𝕣𝕚𝕔𝕖…" A woman arrives with a mysterious letter in hand addressed to her grandfather. Etched in crimson is a foreboding message, a warning—a promise made from a time forgotten. Private Investigator Hugo Laurent and his assistants must solve this bizarre case before an old family's curse befalls them all.

Stillwater is a lovely looking game - I love everything about the art direction for it. it's not overly scary but very atmospheric with several endings to find.

Who is the Red Queen?

Alice falls down the rabbit hole into a Wonderland not quite right. Meeting an eclectic collection of people, animals, and some things in between, she sets out on an adventure in this odd new place to find the missing Red Queen. Or, more specifically, to find the pieces of the dismembered queen whose body has been strewn across the land.

a familiar but new take on Alice in Wonderland, now with a lot more yuri. like a lot of the VNs I've recommended, this was originally made in just 1 month. this one in particular has a lot of dead ends, mention of gore & dismemberment, and other content warnings.

okay now that you've made it this far I'm going to promote my gay horror / Halloween visual novels

Asphodelium

Hazel is an ex-adventurer who's settled down with some of his previous guildmates after the adventure of a lifetime—taking down a doomsday cult that tried to end the world, but at the cost of killing their former guild leader who turned against them. Despite their adventure still haunting him months later, he's tried to move on. —That is until a man with the same face as their guild leader approaches him. This is a story about cults and killing and killing cults. And being in love.

Asphodelium is a melancholic dark boys love visual novel that I made solo in about 3 months. it's entirely in NVL mode (I love you NVL) and around 3 hours long and my personal favorite game I've made so far.

Dahlia

a vampire has snuck into your room while you were sleeping. the only question is - are you next on her menu? Dahlia is a very short sapphic visual novel made in under 36 hours for the Velox Formido game jam, a jam for shortform visual novels. survive being trapped with a lovely little vampire, or don't.

also NVL mode because I love NVL mode. this is a short and sweet vampire visual novel I made solo in a weekend for a game jam that has several different endings.

Witch You Want

With a rather sparkly magical paper, you find a job listing for a local witch needing an assistant with making potions before the town festival that weekend. You sign up, unsure exactly what to expect...... A pompous and questionably excellent witch runs a local apothecary in town but finds that if she wants to make enough potions before the festival that weekend to sell (and keep her ongoing potion shop afloat) she'll need some assistance. After a dubious help wanted ad, she gains you as an assistant. Will the two of you see through to the festival? Will you be able to make a single potion? Will this girlfailure capture your heart?!

this is my latest visual novel that released just a few days ago! I directed & programmed this short cutesy game for a game jam at our studio. it's pretty fluffy romcom with a potion minigame in it. please help our girlfailure make potions, she needs all the help she can get.

[bitterkarella]

Midnight Pals: Bury Your Gays

Chuck Tingle: hello chums it's me chuck tingle, totally normal guy Tingle: tonight i have a totally normal story for you King: oh boy! a real tingler! i can't wait! King: i bet it's real whacky and off the wall! Tingle: haha not at all chum Tingle: it's actually quite normal and restrained

Tingle: this isn't so much a tingler Tingle: as a SPINE tingler King: Oh! there it is! King: that signature chuck tingle wit we all know and love!

King: you know, chuck, i used to be considered quite the comedian back in my day King: have you ever heard of a little thing called the rock bottom remainders? Tingle: i thought that was a band King: King: well it is King: but dave barry's in it

Tingle: submitted for the approval of the midnight society, i call this the tale of the gays that got buried Tingle: it's the story of a successful gay Hollywood guy Tingle: when the studio demands that he bury his gays, he's faced with a moral dilemma Tingle: will he sell out and bury his gays? Tingle: or will he keep true to his gay vision?

Tingle: as this gay Hollywood guy struggles with his dilemma, he's haunted by the ghosts of his own screen creations Tingle: fear bubbles up from his brain just as a scream bubbles up from his chest

Tingle: we've all had a good time being scared Tingle: but there's nothing scary about… good queer representation Tingle: perhaps, chums, horror could be made to be more gay Hailey Piper: i have a question Piper: how MUCH more gay? Piper: cuz i have a suggestion for exactly how much more gay it could be

Piper: could it be possibly gay as f Piper: THE THRILL OF THE HUNT THE SMELL OF THE SHUNT Cynthia Pelayo: GODDAMNIT!! Pelayo: EVERY TIME!!!

Tingle: now i hope that we all learned a little something from Grady Hendrix: [pulling up on a skateboard, boombox playing 'School's Out' by Alice Cooper] Hendrix: [pushing sunglasses down nose] did someone say LEARN??? Hendrix: school's for fools! Hendrix: the pool rules!

Hendrix: [flipping skateboard] look at you squares, LEARNING LESSONS from satirical horror! Hendrix: horror satire should be about FUN! Hendrix: check out MY story! Hendrix: The Support Group for People Who Walk Down a Spooky Alleyway and Hear a Scary Noise but it Turns Out it Was a Cat Hendrix: it's a send-up of the horror trope where someone walks down a spooky alleyway and hears a scary noise but it turns out it was a cat

Tingle: now see here chum we don't need your irreverent attitude to have a good time! Hendrix: YOU GOTTA FIGHT Hendrix: FOR YOUR RIGHT Hendrix: TO PAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARTY!

Tingle: hello chums i have a new tingler for you all Tingle: pounded in the butt by grady hendrix' flippant attitude King: oh good! i love a laugh! Tingle: this isn't comedy, it's sincere erotica King: Barker: not gonna lie, this sounds p hot

[icarusredwings]

The Salon

Thinking about transfem, Wade finds herself a nice beauty shop and she's been going here for a couple of weeks, and while she's worn wigs before, this is her first true glue down.

Tw (apprently) Dramatization of language, satire, it's supposed to sound terribly written. That's the point.

She's getting a full bouncey blowout, and today she's even decided that she's getting old money nails, Cherry Mocha to be exact. "They look like blood!" She giggles, estatic and simply glowing with joy.

"Now hold still, baby. You're finna mess up your edges."

"Honey, she gon be messing up more than that when she gets home." The woman next to them say.

The salon busts out in laughter as another client giggles in the heating dome.

"What? Why would I mess it up? I promise I'll follow the care routine."

They laugh again. "Oh sweetheart, They mean... Don't be letting your mans tug up on your weave."

"Oh.. OH -" she giggles too, blushing at the idea. She wonders what Logan was doing right now. If he likes the lunch, she packed him, and if his construction buddies were still giving him a fuss from the notes that she left him or the heart-shaped sandwiches.

"But darlin' I'm not kidding, when your mans see you, you're gonna have to beat him off ya with a stick!"

"Shoo guurrrll you're so right!" The other says.

Wade giggles once again, shaking her head quickly. "No, no! He ain't like that. I-i mean sure, he thinks im pretty, but.. he might be lying." She says quickly,

"Aye!! Gurl, watch the curler!! You're gonna done burn your neck off!" She scolds hers.

"I think you might have already burned her braincells off because there ain't no way you think he's lying. You gotta be kidding me!"

"If that man is lyin', Leave him, sis!"

"Noo... it's alright. I-I know he loves me, it's just.. I look like this - you know? And he's so god damn handsome I just.. sometimes I think he might-"

"Now you hush your mouth right now and litsen to me girl, you hear me? You are gorgeous. Besides, if a man can't handle a little cancer, then he aint worth your time and beauty. Huh ladies?"

"Mhm. Damn right." They nod, "Preach!"

"Maybe get a little work done in the chest. Boys love a fat chest, dollface."

Wade frowns, hands coming to her chest. Logan never mentioned anything about her being flat before, but.. the words don't help the voices telling her otherwise.

"Well, good thing she's put for a man, not a boy, huh, Georgette? Besides... yours couldn't keep your husband from lookin at the secretary.."

"Ooooh!!" The salon says as the woman known as Deb smirks. "Now let me turn ya around, baby."

A deep gasp came from her, leaning forward as she stood up, smiling widely. "Is that... me?" She whispers, hand going to the curls as tears gloss those bright opal eyes of hers.

"It's always been you, sugar. Just had to bring her out to shine in the sunlight. So whatda think? How do you feel?"

"I-.." standing she turns, looking at the sides and back. "I-i feel.. beautiful!!"

"Yeaah!! That's what we wanna hear. Now what do you think your hot hunk is gonna think about this?"

"If he don't take you home and please ya babygirl I will!"

The woman scoffs, rolling her eyes. "Shut up, Carl! Everyone round here done know you got the bumps!"

The changes were simple. Some deep conditioning lotion, a tiny bit of powder over the bandaged wounds, some tone matching lip stick, eyelash extentions, drawn on eyebrows, her nails. They all meant nothing individually but tied together with that wig?

Wade might actually begin to believe that she was pretty.

The shop bell rings as the salon goes quiet.

In walked a man in a sweat woaked wife beater, thick boots with cement stuck to the bottom, dirty pants and tan gloves with stains themselves, hair up his arms glittering with grey dust.

Wiping some sweat off his brow with a dark blue hankerchief, he smiles nervously. "Hi.. erm.."

"Damn.. what I wouldn't give to have an ass that tight.."

"I bet I could flick I dime off that thang." Some older ladies whispered to each other in the back.

Another began to fan herself with a magazine as she came to him. "How can I help you, sugar?"

Wade giggles, knowing her man was fine as fuck. Esspecially after work. If he stayed too long, though, he might stink up the shop.

"I'm uh.. lookin' for my wife..?"

"Mmh, is that so? And what if I say you're lookin at her right now?"

The mans face sqrunches, brows furrowing and nose twiching. "..I don't think so.."

Wade could squeal right now, giggling again.

"Oh leave that mean be, Loretta! He's old enough to be your father!"

"Tch.. if my father was that fine maybe I would've gone to college like my mama wanted." She says, moving aside as Wade stepped up. Logan knew that smile anywhere, his eyes lighting up, a little glad because things were starting to get uncomfortable.

"Hi..." she says, holding her purse behind her back with a small sway, blushing and giggling as she watches Logan's eyes look ever inch of her.

"H-hi! I uhm.. you look great." He grins, arms coming around her waist.

"Great? JUST great??" Debs hand came to her hip. "You insultin my work?"

"N-no ma'am! I-.. You're.."

A woman in the corner getting a perm starts to say something but Deb put her finger up. "Let the man think. It's hard to think of words when so much more is on his mind." She smirks, making Logan blush and look down.

Wade squeals in delight. "Is that true?"

He swallows. "Shh.. You look stunning. But.. you know you didn't have to do all this. You were already gorgeous just the way you are."

Wade blinks, misunderstanding. "You don't like it..?"

"No-"

"No!?"

The woman all look at each other with raised brows.

By now, Logan was sweating more from this then from the job. "No! I mean- Yes!! I do. I like it. But I LOVE you. No matter what. And I like what ever makes you happy. Does it make you happy?" He asks, hand coming up to softly caress her cheek.

"Yes.." She smiles. "Do you like my nails?" Her hand comes up as he tilts his head.

"They look like blood.."

"That's what I said!!" She giggles again, leaving the shop.

Loretta looks to Deb. "...Shes gonna need a touch up by the time hes done with her."

Deb laughs through her nose. "Shut up.."

[dracoj]

glass onion demonstrates how great satire often seems prophetic since it draws on what’s plain to see in the present. fake-elon Miles Bron waters a crowd of sycophants to do his bidding, throws money around until smarter people turn his idiotic ideas into something workable; worse-elon bought twitter in what looked like a childish fit of pique, grand proclamations to finally rid the platform of bots and meanies*. but that can’t be what’s going on right? theres gotta be something we’re not seeing, no one would make such nonsensical, expensive, dangerous decisions just for notoriety. there’s gotta be some master plan. but no, glass onion says (way back in 2021!), the center is clear. to see it, you just need to accept that he really is that fucking stupid.

[cottoncandyswisherz]

the sidequest

nick x male!reader (obviously)

warnings: nothing

-

it was graduation night. THANK GOD. nick was in the backyard of someone he did not know with his friends, taking in the feeling of finally being free from the chains of high school when he felt a tap on his shoulder. immediately frightened, he let out a shriek and turned around swiftly.

"holy shit! why are you screaming?!" you asked, having been shocked by him yourself.

"why the fuck would you creep up behind me like a fucking psychopath?!" nick asked his own question in his defense.

"i don't know but why are we yelling?"

this made nick come to his senses and he began taking you in bit by bit, examining every feature he had access to.

tall. black hair. brown eyes. pretty teeth. slight stubble.

he was snapped out of his thoughts by his friends laughing and telling him they'd find him later.

no crushes on the most obvious straight guy, nick. NONE!

you decided to go back to your original approach, trying to be suave and cool. "look, im sorry for scaring you." you flashed a smile and stuck your hand out as an olive branch. "i'm y/n."

nick hid his attraction to your smile by looking at you quizzically and accepting your handshake. "nick."

"i know who you are." you laughed. "you were in my english class first semester."

nick arched an eyebrow and "so why are you just now speaking to me?"

"because when alahna was telling you about how cameron brinks ghosted her, you said, and i quote "i'd never talk to the bums at this school." so i figured, since i don't go to this school anymore, i can get to know you." you flashed yet another smile.

"so.... youre.... a homosexual?" nick was in shock. this couldn't be happening. this HAD to be satire.

"i believe they call it 'gay' these days." you laughed at his wording. "but if that how you wanna put it, then yes, nick. im a homosexual."

fuck. the way you said his fucking name....

nick was ripped out of his thoughts.

"so... would you wanna make a side quest with me? i gotta go to 7/11 for cups because i'm the only sober one and the dummies wanna play beer pong."

"uh..." nick turned to look at his brothers and friends who were all in their own conversation without him. fuck it we ball. "sure but you hav to drive because i don't have a license."

"youre 18 with no license?"

nick rolled his eyes. "don't piss me off, you were doing great."

"oh i was?" you smirked and lifted an eyebrow, stepping closer to him.

nick felt an assault on his senses and he inhaled in shock at your close proximity. but he only made matters worse when he smelled your cologne.

subtle. woodsy.

he had to get the fuck away from you.

"okay just let me go tell them i'm leaving for a second." he said quickly, then walked away promptly.

he walked up to his group, who were laughing about something that was probably so idiotic. when he approached them, they immediately stopped what they were doing and waited for nick to go on a tangent about the attractive guy he was just getting friendly with.

but he didn't. he simply said, "we're going to 7/11. what do you want?" and of course he was met with an array of requests that he couldn't keep up with so he groaned and said "just text the groupchat."

five minutes later and nicks in the passenger seat of a vehicle with someone he'd just met, and he couldn't even bring himself to care.

y/n connected the bluetooth and hit shuffle on his playlist but turned the volume to barely audible.

so he wants to talk....

"so rate your personal 'just graduated high school' experience."

"definately a 10/10. me and my brothers have a youtube channel so now that we're done with school we can fully focus on that."

"yeah, i heard about that. you guys are pretty big right?"

"i mean we have a plaque so..."

y/n laughed at the confirmation.

they rode in blissful ignorance of the rest of the world. talking about everything and nothing at all at the same time.

"no, planet her is superior to scarlet in everyway" y/n argued.

"you have to be joking. scarlet was her comeback. it was proof that she still has it and doesnt give a fuck about the haters who claim to be supporters."

"true. i guess it all depends on how you view music." y/n spoke. "when i'm listening to music i'm looking for relatability. i think i just relate to planet her more right now because it has everything, turn up music, sad music, and that's where i'm at right now... all over the place."

"you can fucking say that again." nick agreed. "i have no idea what the fuck is going on most of the time."

time went on and it seemed like 7/11 was a forgotten dream between the two.

"i'm a d1 ranch hater..." nick admitted after they'd stopped for nuggets and y/n asked for ranch as his dipping sauce.

"fucking psycho"

and that was the end of that debate.

"where do you think you'll be in 10 years?" y/n asked.

"um.. hopefully alive, yknow? that would be ideal."

"right."

"i hope i'm more independent. i wanna have more personal experiences that don't have anything to do with matt or chris." y/n just nodded because his sister was four years younger than him so he couldn't relate, but he wanted nick to know that he understood. "and i pray i'll have gotten my license. um.... i want a house, just by myself. i want to just have my own space. maybe a dog... i don't really know."

"what kind of dog?"

"something small. i have one now, his names trevor."

"i have a pit. her names roxie and she's the laziest creature known to man."

nick laughed at that. "no trevor's lazy too. but he's older now so i guess he's earned the lazy bum title."

"true that."

finally they reached 7/11.

it wasn't that cold outside because it was the end of may but it was a bit windy, which nick vocalized, resulting in y/n taking off his hoodie and handing it to him.

i know you think this was a cute gesture but you're wrong. it was a sexy gesture.

when y/n raised his arms, his shirt rode up a bit, so nick could see the bottom of his stomach and the small tuft of hair leading to the waistband of his sweats damn near had nick foaming at the mouth.

"here." y/n handed nick the hoodie, snapping him out of his vulgar thoughts.

entering the store nick and y/n went their separate ways, y/n getting the cups and nick getting the snacks for his friends. when they got to counter nick waited for y/n to pay for the cups only to be told, "put your stuff on the counter."

and that was that.

back in the car, they didn't really talk. just listened to music and sat in a comfortable silence. 

when nick and y/n got back to the party, nicks group was curious to know what the fuck went on in the hour they were gone and y/ns friends wanted to know why he took an hour to get solo cups. so they went their separate ways and continued having fun with their friends. 

but the rest of the night, nick couldn't forget the fact that y/n never asked for his number or anything so how the fuck were they ever gonna talk again. 

and they had to talk again.

but y/n never came up to him. never even looked in his direction.

and my the time nick sent the "my crew let's go!" text to the groupchat, he'd convinced himself that this awesome guy he'd just went on an adventure with was a one time experience. 

until... 

niyah speaks sum slight finally did my taglist guys yaya

taglist: @mattslolita @muwapsturniolo @jnkvivi @sturnsslut @zniyadgaf @koilaniazul @thisisntmattsturniolo @nyktoxs-lover @l0akkzz

[sherwees]

cuddle-fuck-later-with-a-side-dish

cw : past arguments,dubcon reaching into noncon bcs of the manipulation part of it , mentions of abuse, reader has cuts and scratches previously inflicted on their body, and just straight fucked shit.

Hendery gawked at you and your boyfriend, Eunseok as he shuffled the uno cards in his hands nearly giving himself a paper cut from his aggression.

This was meant to a friends night not a cuddle-fuck-later-with-a-side-dish night.

He didn't care before but now it was getting to his head, he never even realized he was staring too long until he met with Eunseok's glare.

“Do you have a staring problem, Kunhang?” He ended with a laugh and a punch to his shoulder, he wasn't truly irritated until you joined in with your ugly little high pitched scream-like laughter. It sounded really forced, fucking attention seeking bitch.

Eunseok only said his real name for satirical reasons, did he think that he was a joke?

Some type of fucking loser?

You both didn't even see him as a real friend anymore.

“I'm just wondering when you both would talk to me. It was meant to be a group– hangout.” He hung on the word ‘group’ a bit as his crude eyes only met your own, not that same soft brown from when you first met him only 2 years ago.

“Aye, there's no need to be low. You could even join in.” He snickered and attempted to punch your shoulder but you flinched; fuck he was going to get you for that.

Now, you could only stare at Hendery, focused on shuffling the cards with his skilled fingers as you thought about what you did only a few minutes earlier and the future. Your arms crossed against your chest as your back seeked comfort on the couch behind you.

You felt relieved, there was a sudden buzzing beside you from the couch cushion, Eunseok's light brown strands tickle your nose as he reaches over to grab his phone.

“Ah, babe I gotta take this.” He leaves a fleeting peck on your lips, he then fleeted to a vacant room and unintentionally slammed a random door. He hollers a “sorry”, at least.

“Why are you so silent, _______?” His tone seemed slightly sarcastic and held no sort of concern to it, it almost held a secret scorn to it.

“I'm just.. sorry..? For everything I've done." You can't even look him in the eye. You don't even say it as a statement either, it was more of a question. You don't intentionally leave him out, he just doesn't talk. When you even confront him, he just denies it and runs away.

He was very.. passing for a person.

“For all those times, you left me out in the cold for hours because of Eunseok, the times where you would put your anger all against me. Why don't you ever consider my feelings?” His arms slowly wrap around your waist with a uncomfortable squeeze, he laid his chin on your collarbone; his breath fanning your neck. The warmth of his lap brings you a sordid comfort as you laid snug against him, your breath following the rhythm of is.

“But Eu-”

You flinched as he raises a finger to your lips but then places a sudden chaste kiss, causing you to yank your head away.

“I raise a single finger and you could only flinch away from your true love..” His hand lowers to your inner thigh with a sigh, you could only melt into his touch as he raved on and on into your ear about your ‘fucked up’ relationship whilst he feverishly grinds his hot erection on the curvature of your ass.

He might be correct about your own beloved boyfriend..

All those nights that ended with glass shards either stuck in a cut, on the ground, the bruises on your waist from the times he would pound you on your kitchen counter for hours; ignoring your pleas to stop just because you burnt the peas.

“C’mon and I'll treat you right once and for all? You could trust me right?” He reassured in your ear whilst he fiddled with the waistband of his black cargo pants with a lazy smirk.

You could only whimper a weak yes until he slapped your thigh with a bite at your neck, raising your tone into a scream.

“That's more like it..” He manages to tug his pants down as he gracefully lays you down on his white rug, you could feel your jean skirt slightly bunch. A smile tugs at his lips as your hands immediately attempt to cover the nature of the cuts on your thigh. Your eyes gather with tears once more as he traces your half healed scars with his finger; some blood even caked up on his tip.

“Kunhang, stop.” You squeaked but he only continued, a smile accumulating on his face.

You felt the bile raise in your throat once he swirled a crimson heart on your thigh, the disgust urked you enough to slap his hand away. You were quick to maneuver yourself on your elbows, Hendery's expression turned stoic just as quickly once he landed a harsh slap to your face.

“How fucking dare you?” He practically spat in your face.

“You're fucking crazy, Kunhang!” You attempted to yell but it came out as scratchy, it made you seen weaker as always. Managing to stand with the support of the couch, the pain of your scabs shot down your legs.

“Now I understand why he beats your fuckin’ ass, you stubborn little slut.”

His words shot deep into your soul, you felt choked up from the harshness. Your felt the spit accumulate in your mouth, your lips quivered, you couldn't cry..

“Whatever, I'm finding Eunnie, I'll give you a moment.” You attempt to muster a mature tone even though you used his cutesy nickname but it only comes up as a weak whisper when you shove past Hendery. You heard hurried footsteps behind you but you didn't bother as you muttered all types of curses under your breath. I mean what type of friend fucking does that?

You could only wince as you felt a brute force pin your face against the cold wall, you felt the warm bump of Hendery's erection against your lower back.

“Maybe you could muster up a little nickname for me too, yknow?” He tutted, you could imagine the smirk across his face.

He reached for the button of your skirt as he shoved it off once he heard the clean pop of it as you writhed, attempting to escape.

“Sweetheart, your stubbornness is the main reason why males like him beat on ya’, listen to me and it wouldn't be a problem.” You felt him rub his leaking tip against your unexpecting hole, causing a full twitch in your lower region and you could only grip and grab behind you for his shirt for leverage.

You cried out from the sudden stretch of his girthy cock in your clenched hole, you nearly pushed him out with aid of your slick but it only made him push harder.

“So fuckin’ tight.” He huffed into your neck as his hands found refuge around your waist with a squeeze. His member pulsated and stretched your hole out with every pound, his tip constantly hit your cervix as you ached.

Your cries only sounded like a melody to him and it only brought him closer to release. He then craned his neck to leave bites and hickeys along your the supple skin as you squealed and your legs only clenched together attempting to slow his harsh thrusts. Your ears were burning in embarrassment of the sounds that emitted out of you along with the sounds of his balls clapping against your wet heat along with the slick friction of his girth in your hole. You tuned it out but it only made you realize,

Eunseok was only in the other room... finishing his said call from earlier.

Your head wildly snapped back, attempting to blink your tears away, you scream whispered: “Hendery please!” you worried your lip between your teeth. In an attempt to nudge him away with your ass, he stilled for a second; giving you a sense of relief but only for a second once he slapped the back of your thigh.

“You want me so fuckin’ bad princess, m’ close and you're gonna take it all, alright?” His rasp grunt echoed through your empty head as he set an inhumane pace that'll leave your hole sore for who knows how long, his damp bangs feathering your jaw.

You stumbled over your words as you tried to warn him but the only thing you got in return was the feeling of his warm seed infiltrating your hole and the sound of a door opening.

part 2

[hanzajesthanza]

oh man, i'm clearing off my desktop and i found this .txt from when i had reached a breaking point of annoyance about the fandom (mostly netflix, sorry about that show) constantly referring to jaskier as "bard" ...

this bothered me because, as i recalled, he is most often referenced as "poet" or "troubadour," whenever mentioned by his profession. especially for what he calls himself, what others who esteem him well (e.g., geralt) call him, or what the narration calls him.

(then there's also the titles of lesser frequency, like "musician," "minstrel," "singer," "poetaster," "rhymester," but these are less frequent, e.g., geralt bof 5 "a poetaster with a lute," regis ttos 3 "our minstrel," rience boe 1 "nasty rhymester" ... rience sucks, but he was right about that one, you gotta admit).

asides from the fact that dandelion seems to self-identify with "poet and musician," (eternal flame i) i just find "bard" so generic, like it's just a catch-all term for someone in a fantasy setting that sings, like the d&d class. it doesn't actually reflect the full roles of his profession: that he writes, he is connected with the concept of poetry and writing, and as such, aspects of his character can be considered a satire of writers. and that his poetic personality runs contrary to geralt's banal realism.

so, in my annoyance i used went and counted all the times in the last wish that he is referenced by his profession (i apparently only cared enough about this to do the first book). i noted what word was used and who said it.

anyways guess what. my hypothesis was right 😎 coming in at over half his mentions by profession, he is called "poet." so hah! he is a poet, i remembered correctly.

(fwiw, this is using the english translation, and just calling to attention that it might have been different in polish. after all - i recall from the lost in translation series something interesting about "poetaster" in a little sacrifice, drouhard almost calls him this, like "one who strings rhymes together" (edit: got it: "He was originally going for “wierszokleta,” or roughly “one who carelessly puts rhymes together.”))

Poet Voice of Reason 2, Narration Voice of Reason 5, Nenneke Voice of Reason 5, Geralt Voice of Reason, Narration Voice of Reason, Narration Voice of Reason, Narration Voice of Reason, Narration Voice of Reason, Narration Edge of the World i, Narration Edge of the World i, Narration Edge of the World i, Geralt Edge of the World i, Dandelion Edge of the World i, Narration Edge of the World ii, Narration Edge of the World ii, Narration Edge of the World iii, Narration Edge of the World iii, Narration Edge of the World iii, Narration Edge of the World iv, Narration Edge of the World iv, Narration Edge of the World vi, Narration Edge of the World vi, Narration Edge of the World vi, Narration Edge of the World vi, Narration Edge of the World vii, Narration The Last Wish i, Narration The Last Wish i, Narration The Last Wish i, Narration The Last Wish i, Narration The Last Wish i, Narration The Last Wish i, Narration The Last Wish i, Narration The Last Wish ii, Narration The Last Wish ii, Errdil The Last Wish iii, Geralt The Last Wish v, Narration The Last Wish v, Narration The Last Wish vii, Narration The Last Wish vii, Narration Voice of Reason 7, Narration Voice of Reason 7, Narration Troubadour Voice of Reason 2, Narration Voice of Reason 5, Narration Edge of the World i, Narration Edge of the World iii, Narration Edge of the World vi, Narration Edge of the World vi, Narration Edge of the World vii, Narration Edge of the World vii, Narration The Last Wish i, Narration The Last Wish i, Narration The Last Wish ii, Errdil The Last Wish ii, Chireadan The Last Wish v, Narration The Last Wish vii, Yennefer Voice of Reason 7, Narration Bard Voice of Reason 5, Narration Edge of the World i, Narration Edge of the World ii, Narration Edge of the World iii, Narration Edge of the World iii, Narration Edge of the World iv, Narration Edge of the World vii, Narration The Last Wish i, Narration The Last Wish i, Narration The Last Wish vii, Narration The Last Wish vii, Narration The Last Wish vii, Narration Musician Edge of the World vi, Toruviel Edge of the World vi, Toruviel The Last Wish iii, Geralt Lutenist Edge of the World vi, Toruviel

just to say that jaskier IN THE BOOKS is a poet. n*tflix jaskier is a bard. this is a trifle in the broader sense of things, yet another element which distinguishes the characters and everything else between canons

[noharaaa]

🧹𝐅𝐫𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 𝐍𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 𝐒𝐡𝐞𝐧𝐚𝐧𝐢𝐠𝐚𝐧𝐬🧹

Author's Note: Reader has no specified gender.

This short story includes some minor satire!

Modern! AU

Hobie banner by @the-shroom-garden

Word Count: 1.8k

Enjoy Reading!

╰᭡⿴༘͜─𖧷̷۪۪᪇ ༘᪇𖧷̷۪۪⃟ꦽ⃟:: ᰰ۪۪꧇⿴༘⃕▦᰷᰷ᰰ

Late October night was settling in with its spooky autumn vibes. The wind howled against the trees, causing the dry leaves to scratch onto the window panes. Inside the apartment, you were surrounded by blankets and pillows. The smell of buttery popcorn filled the air, setting the right tone for a horror movie marathon.

You were cross-legged on the couch, sitting in the dim lights of your apartment lit only by the small flickering artificial candles around the dark space. You look relaxed, dressed in a comfy hoodie along with a new hairstyle of your choice. Hobie was lounged next to you, his arm draped lazily across the back of the couch as your gaze trailed up to the plastic headband, the tiny devil horns poking out near his hairline. The tiny accessory seemed a bit too small for him, hilariously straining against his bigger sized head. 

A lazy grin was plastered on his face, expecting your amused reaction when he first put them on, “Gotta get into the spirit somehow.”

The TV screen flashed, casting shadows across the room as the opening scene of The Conjuring played. You leaned forward, grabbing a handful of popcorn, your eyes glued to the screen. “I’m telling you,” you said, your voice low, “this is the part where everything goes to hell. Why do they always gotta investigate creepy basements?”

“That’s ‘cause none of them have proper fight or flight response. They hear somethin’ weird, and instead of leggin’ it, they go ‘who’s there?’. It’s for plot drive.”

“I just know you’d be the first to bolt if you were in one.”

“You better believe it,” Hobie said, leaning back further, “Soon as I hear a creak, I’m gone. Ain’t makin’ friends with no ghosts.”

As if on cue, a loud *thump* came from the hallway outside the apartment door. The two of you froze. Your head snapped to the direction of the noise, “what was that?” 

Hobie’s eyes narrowed, his playful demeanor slipping. “Dunno. Maybe some neighbors messin’ about.”

You wouldn’t deny to admit that the timing was… weird. “You think? I swear if someone’s pulling a halloween prank, I’m gonna—”

Suddenly, there was another bang. Louder and closer, this time.

You almost flinched at the noise. “Okay, nope. We’re on some paranormal bullcrap, and I am NOT here for it,” you muttered, your voice a bit higher than usual. “Relax, Y/n,” he said, groaning lightly as he slowly stood up from the couch, stretching a bit before heading to the front door, “I’ll take a look. Could be the wind.”

You instantly grabbed his arm, pulling him back down next to you. “Uhm, no your not! Haven’t you learned anything from the movies we’ve been watching? We stick together.”

The sound of your stern voice made Hobie chuckle. “Fine, fine. But y’know this’d be the part where the couple splits up and—”

Bang!

You shot him a glare. “Finish that sentence and I’m sending you out there.”

“Alright, alright. You wanna arm yourself with somethin’?”

You looked around the room for a weapon, the only intimidating thing you could find was the small bowl of hard candy. “I got these,” you picked up a handful of rock hard candy balls.

“Brilliant,” Hobie deadpanned.

You both moved cautiously toward the door. The air inside the room was crisped and muffled in your ears. Hobie reached for the door first, glancing back at you before unlocking it. With a dramatic flair, he swung the door open. Standing in the doorway….was nothing. Absolutely no one. Hobie took a peek down the hallway, scratching the back of his neck at the sight of an old broom leaning against the wall. The broom looked like it had been knocked over. He pointed at it, grinning, “Looks like our ghost is a broom.”

“Really? A whole broom in an empty hallway. You don’t find that suspicious?”

Hobie shrugged, “Looks like the ‘ghost’ was a janitor’s broom on its smoke break.”

“Seriously? A broom on a break? What is it, unionized?”

“Gotta respect broom rights.”

“Not funny.”

You both returned to the room, closing and locking the front door back in place.

“Okay, I’ll admit it. Maybe I overreacted.”

Hobie gave you a cheeky grin, glimpsing at the handful of candy that were still held tightly in your palms “Maybe? Nah, Y/n, you were ready to take down a demon with candy treats.”

“Yeah. Well, at least I came prepared.”

You were both settled back into the couch again, deciding to keep the lights on this time (it was your suggestion). You quietly shook your head, watching Hobie relax and adjust his plastic devil horns as if nothing out of the ordinary happened. You narrowed your eyes, “You're taking the couch tonight if a real ghost shows up. I’m not sharing my bed with your spooky ass.” Hobie smirked, throwing his arm back around you, “Wouldn’t dream of it, luv.”

“Yeah, sure. Keep dreaming, Hobie.”

Halloween night was back in full swing, watching one horror movie to the next. You both managed to laugh off the broom incident from earlier, blaming it on the wind and your jumpy nerves. Already halfway through the third movie of the night, The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, when the lights flickered around you. You and Hobie exchanged a look, this time neither was laughing. They flickered again before they went out, now replaced by total darkness, other than the faint glow of the distant moon through the window.

“Alright, what the hell’s goin’ on?” he muttered, setting his popcorn down as he stood up. You grabbed your phone, using the flashlight app to scan the dark room; the TV, the couch, even the empty hallway leading to the kitchen. Nothing.

“Maybe it’s just a blackout,” you said, although the tone of your voice wasn’t convincing at all. Hobie, ever the skeptic, wandered toward the kitchen, the floorboards creaking beneath his feet against the silent apartment; the atmosphere was almost too quiet, the kind of quiet where you can hear your pulse beating.

You broke the silence, your voice tense, “I swear, if that cat’s back to scare the shit out of us, I’m locking it outside!”

Concrete, the scruffy gray tabby next door, can be an aimless furball. She had developed a reputation for being an adventurer, always prowling around the apartment complex like her own playground. The habit has been a lot more frequent these days due to some careless owner who barely keeps tabs on her, letting the feline wander in and out of people’s apartments like she owned the place. Concrete always managed to show up at the worst possible times, sneaking up on people when they least expect it.

Before Hobie could say anything, another ‘thud’ sound erupted from behind them. It came from the hallway near the front door. Something heavy shuffled, like feet dragging against the hardwood floor. Hobie instinctively stepped in front of you, his shoulders tensing. You spun around, the flashlight in your hands now pointing at the living room table.

Sucking in a breath, “Hobie…”

The broom they dismissed earlier was upright leaning against the kitchen wall.

Hobie blinked, “I’m startin’ to think that the broom’s got a grudge.”

Another ‘thud’ this time. This time, it came from the hallway near the front door. Something heavy shuffled, like feet dragging against the floor.

“Who’s there?” he called out, but there was no response. Only the slow, dragging sound drew closer. 

Your heart was in your throat, “Maybe it’s a prank…?” you whispered, your hand gripping his sleeve. “Or maybe,” he replied, not taking his eyes off the dark hallway, “it’s one of those situations where we die first because we thought it was a prank.” The shuffling noise grew louder and closer now.  Hobie moved forward, his tall frame cutting an imposing figure in the faint moonlight. The beam of Josephine’s flashlight followed him, but it flickered, dimming with each step he took. Suddenly, there was a loud *crash* from the kitchen, like a pot had been knocked over. “What the hell is going on?” you hissed. He didn’t answer. His eyes were locked on the hallway as a new sound filled the air: a soft, wheezing breath. Someone. Or something—was breathing in the darkness, slow and ragged. "Alright, this is gettin' ridiculous," Hobie muttered.

A figure emerged from the darkness. Tall, hunched, and dragging something long and heavy behind it. Hobie’s stomach clenched; he knew this wasn’t a joke. The shadowy figure shuffled forward. With your back against the wall, you whispered, “Hobie, I don't like this.”

The figure came closer, its face hidden by shadows. It dragged what looked like a... shovel? 

Hobie’s hand landed grabbed the broom, holding it out like a weapon. “Oi, stay back,” he warned, though his voice quivered with fear. But the figure didn't stop. It stepped into the moonlight, revealing its face. 

You gasped, eyes wide. “Oh my God—” 

And then, just one more step—

“Boo!”

The lights flashed back on, revealing Pavitr in the middle of the field, in his very own crazy costume. He wasn't holding a shovel; it was a mop, and in his other hand, a bucket of water, which he promptly dumped onto the floor. You groaned, “Oh, come on! Are you serious? You scared the life out of us!”

Pavitr was laughing so hard he was almost doubled over. “You guys should have seen your faces!” 

“Mate, I was ready to throw hands with you. What are you even doing here?” 

Before Pavitr could answer, the front door swung open again, and in came Miles and Gwen respectively. “Gotcha,” Miles shouted. Gwen gave them a sheepish smile. “Thank you,” she said, holding up a bag of snacks. “Pav thought we should, you know, give you the full horror experience.”

You crossed your arms, glaring at the trio. “And you thought nearly giving us heart attacks was the way to go?” Pavitr shrugged, still grinning. “Hey, it’s Halloween! It’s all part of the experience!” 

Hobie glanced at you, his expression deadpan. “Next time, we’re watchin' *romantic comedies* for Halloween.” 

As the group settled down, Pavitr took the opportunity to playfully mop the spilled water around, making a complete mess of the place. Gwen tried to help clean up while Miles rifled through the snack bag, oblivious to the chaos. 

But just as everyone was about to relax, there was a final ‘thud’—a loud, unmistakable bang—from the hallway closet. 

Everyone froze again. You and Hobie exchanged nervous glances. Pavitr, still holding the mop, went pale. “That... wasn’t me.” 

The closet door slowly creaked open, and out shuffled…. 

Concrete. The cat. 

There was a moment of stunned silence. shaking your head, you finally cracked a smile. “Okay, we seriously need to start locking the door.” 

The silence broke into laughter, Concrete hopping onto the couch like she owned the place, her tail flicking with satisfaction. 

You leaned against Hobie, your shoulders finally relaxing. “This was officially the dumbest Halloween ever.”

“Best one yet, if you ask me,” Hobie said, pulling you close. The group dissolved into laughter again, the tension of the night finally broken as Concrete claimed her rightful spot in the middle of the chaos.

Author's Note: Thanks so much @the-kr8tor for starting the Octobie event! It was such a fun experience, and I loved seeing everyone’s creativity. Really appreciate all the work you put into making it happen!

[myloveismineallmine]

Part 4!

back to claire and carmy. and this one is.... very funny to me actually

Song: Vega Tables - Brian Wilson

On fak walking in on sugar in the bathroom:

I tried to kick the ball but my tenny flew right off I'm red as a beet 'cause I'm so embarassed

fak walks in on nat, an embarrassing situation, fitting lyric here.

fak walks away, camera focuses on carmy serving claire & co, carmy tells claire she looks great:

(Mom and Daddy says)

Sleep a lot eat a lot brush em like crazy Run a lot do a lot never be lazy (boy)

carm walks over to sugar and asks if their mom came, and then asks why she's covered in water:

Sleep a lot eat a lot brush em like crazy Run a lot do a lot never be lazy (boy)

carmy hallucinates his previous boss:

(Wordless Vocals)

the song then fades away as carmen re-enters the kitchen.

so, yeah, that's it.

on the surface, this is a weird song choice. the only super fitting lyric is the one that's on fak about being "red as a beet." but considering how on the nose a lot of the music is, it would be strange for them to choose this song for that one singular line. like, this song isn't even popular enough to justify it being randomly played in the restaurant.

so, we gotta really use our brains and think about the context here.

plot recap time:

richie tells carmy that claire is on 31 and that he needs to say hi. carmy is like "Uhhh... eventually." richie insists he does it right away, carmy tells him no, they argue a bit, and eventually richie backs off.

some time passes....

carmy says he needs hands for table 31. syd is like "yeah, that's claire." (this bitch ALREADY forgot where his gf was) carmy's immediate reaction is "fuck, yeah, that's right. uh...."

he reluctantly says he'll do it, syd is like "is now the best time for that?"

he pulls THIS FUCKING FACE:

which he keeps on the whole walk out, like, this man is clearly terrified.

now let's look at the context of the song:

brian wilson was kind of a health nut, so the song is about how eating vegetables is good for you. while he actually enjoyed vegetables, the song is more satirical, and more about doing things your parents tell you to do (such as eating your vegetables.)

this is especially apparent with the lines on carmy and claire:

(Mom and Daddy says)

Sleep a lot eat a lot brush em like crazy Run a lot do a lot never be lazy (boy)

sleep, brush your teeth, exercise and work hard like your parents tell you to.

this in conjunction with richie telling carmy to go see claire, along with him, mikey and fak continuously telling him to pursue claire, really makes me think this song was chosen to reinforce that carmy feels obligated to be with claire because of expectations of others rather than out of his own volition.

like, think about it. a song about how you should listen to your parents and brush your teeth? while a character is supposed to be serving his girlfriend a nice dinner? for what reason???

i made a whole post about how carmy and claire's dates are literally just things that are technically chores. coincidently, doing chores is another thing, like eating vegetables, your parents will make you do.

the whole theme with claire seems to be doing things you don't really want to do, but others do want to see you do. which is ironic, because it completely contradicts carmy claiming that being with claire is for "fun and amusement."

i feel like carmen is just plagued with... doing everything everyone else wants him to do. he thinks claire is fun and amusing because people are telling him that she is good for him. he is literally panicking so many times he's confronted with her, but people say he needs a girlfriend, so he thinks they must be right.

on a happier note. the writers/editors were probably giggling and kicking their feet when they chose this song. like, oh the dumb song about eating your vegetables? by the beach boys? and we're gonna use it to represent how carmy doesn't feel happy with claire? hehehe the viewers won't get it but it'll be funny for us. i'm onto you guys, i see you...

part 1 / part 2 / part 3

[tenaciouschronicler]

July 3 2024 2009

Lets take a look at Julys updates now that I have some free time.

Behold! Apple juice!

So with this we have a better grasp of the time jump, its before Dave and John first talked on Pesterchum. @homestuckreplay made a great observation that I just wanna reiterate... Its absolutely adorable how much Dave LOVES talking to his friends, especially John. First thing he thinks of when finding apple juice? How much of a kick John is gonna get out of the unexpected movie reference.

Behind his cool guy persona hes just as much of a dweeb as John and I think he(John), at least as far as weve seen, is probably his closest friend. Maybe they were childhood friends until one of them moved and as they grew up Dave found it harder to fit in or find someone he could let in and trust.

You also might as well ask him about that beta. The kid's been harping about it for weeks. It would be cool if it came on his birthday. He'd be one happy camper.

Before we get into the chat, we see a little of Daves mindset. Even though Dave has made it pretty clear hes not really interested in the Beta, his friend is and hes gonna, 'In your own cool, sort of roundabout way', ask about it because he likes his friends happy.

Lets take a look at his desktop. (I appologize for the quality, dont know what happened)

Fisrt of, sick as hell wallpaper. Not sure what its from but its got a battle bracket on the bottom right so maybe an in-verse video game? Im not sure what app that blue one is, or maybe a file?, but Dave aint happy with it seeing as its named 'COMPLETE BULLSHIT'. The two red folders however hold Daves 'ILL BEATS' and 'DOPE RHYMES SO DOPE'. And keeping in-line with the sheer amount of tech, Daves sporting a shiny Pesterchum 7.0.

The enflammed silhouette is Daves browser aptly named Hephaestus. Hephaestus is the Greek God of artisans, blacksmiths, carpenters, craftsmen, fire, metallurgy, metalworking, sculpture and volcanoes. He was casted out of Olympus either by his mother Hera or by Zeus depending on the myth. In the first he is lame at birth, in the second he becomes lame after the fall. He now resides again on Mount Olympus crafting the Gods equipment and any fine metalwork pieces are said to be his work.

The first website Dave visits is his own satire review blog where he posts about Gamebro. And then theres his webcomic SWEET BRO AND HELLA JEFF and. it. sure is. Something.

I.

Theres no words honestly.

Daves cool guy facade is fading fast. But then again hes a kid so....

Theres 3 pages with the same style and Ive gotta question if this is really as popular as Dave makes it out to be ┐(￣ヘ￣）┌

[orca-iguana]

MFS on Twitter gotta be satirical right 😭😭😭

There is no way no a single person sees this as anything other than a conventionally attractive woman with massive boobs 😭