#goth girl blog

[quarles1845]

⋆˚࿔ Day out antiquing ⋆˚࿔

[succubunniii]

[morxwar]

[marcelinesghost13]

Hello Blog,

Life has been very difficult as of late I'm very painful too. I've been having to do a lot of fighting lately and order for me just to have some human rights at work. I went through the process and I went through the treatment I went through the therapy. Just for I could get my license changed from male to female which I was so excited about at that moment in time. I felt like I was on top of the world and nobody could stop me. Then I took it to HR and they let me know that they're still limitations to what I can and cannot do as a trans female. I am not allowed to use the female restroom I am not allowed to use the male restroom. Which by the way I will never go in a man's restroom ever again especially after the event that occurred in one of them. I am allowed to use the family restroom and the unisex restrooms around my work. That is a pain in the ass sometimes especially if that restroom is clear on the other side of my work and I've got to take a piss so bad I think I'm actually going to piss myself. I'm also limited to what kind of nail polish I am allowed to use. I am allowed to use only certain hair clippings in my hair. I am not allowed to have my hair down at any point. Which means that it has to be up all the time but yeah all the other sis girls who style their hair they get to keep it down. And the reason for that is supposedly my hair falls in my face when I'm doing my job and that pisses off camera security. I'm also limited to what kind of makeup I can use and display on myself. So yeah there's a lot of different things that I'm not allowed to do that all the other cis girls get to do. Then there's the hole I'm not allowed to correct any of the men when they decide to reference me as a male even though I'm not a man. As far as I'm concerned this is just harassment that's justified according to HR. The reason why it's justified harassment is because HR is there to make sure that the casino doesn't look bad. There has been a lot of days that I literally go home crying because of the amount of harassment that I get everyday by the male staff and there's nothing I can do about it either.

I do have a meeting with the chief of security who is my top boss in my department. I told who I thought was my best friend at work what I was going to do and she got mad at me. She let me know if I talk to him that it's me throwing her and the rest of the girls under the bus. Because it's not fair to her that they have to sacrifice their ability to do the things that they do as cis women just for me to try to get to have the same rights. If I decided to talk to the chief that me and her are no longer friends. That honestly broke my heart a little bit more and I did a lot of crying about that. I thought she had my back. I saw her as my sister and best friend at work but obviously I was completely fucking wrong. She decided to think of her own selfish needs and wants and I've dealt with that before. The other person that acts like that in my life is my ex-wife everything is always about her. So I guess we're not friends anymore and that really sucks ass because I loved her a lot.

So today I completely avoided her I wasn't around her I wasn't talking to her I wanted nothing to do with her. The reason why I did that is because my heart hurt too much and having to look at her just made me want to cry. I've tried to talk about it with a couple other people but no one really wants to listen to me. No one really wants to hear how much pain I am that I just lost my best friend at work. This is the biggest reason why I feel so alone when I'm at work and when I'm at home. No one really hears what I have to say because everybody wants to talk about themselves. I told my therapist about how I feel but there's only so much time where I get to express myself with her and it doesn't feel like enough time to say what I need to say. So it just leaves an empty feeling inside of my heart. I just cry a lot more because I feel so fucking alone right now and then heard.

There's been a couple of friends that I've tried to explain how I feel and that just kind of blows up in my face. They just tell me to dust myself off and be a strong woman because that's what I am. Right now I don't feel like a strong woman. I feel weak I feel tired I feel broken and most of all I feel very fucking alone. I guess over time I'm going to have to get used to being alone. Shit I've been alone most of my life even in my marriage I was alone. I guess it's the path that I must walk on. So I will get over the pain of feeling alone and I will deal with the curse of being me. The only difference this time is when I was a male I was suicidal. Now that I'm a woman I just feel empty. As I sit in my father's home I understand how he feels now better than I ever thought I would. I understand why my dad felt so alone and abandoned. I understand why my dad would call me every single day just to talk to me for an hour or 2 hours. I'm sorry Dad I didn't realize how you felt.

So my next mission as a trans woman is to get my birth certificate changed from male to female. Once I do get that changed and have a copy of it I am required to give my work a copy of it. Honestly I think that's fucking bullshit but what the fuck ever I'll play their stupid little game. I'm not changing the sex on my birth certificate because of them I'm changing it because it's something that I need to do for myself. That way there's no question whatsoever wherever I go that I am a woman. I just have to wait for my license to get in the mail and then I can go down there and I can get the paperwork have it notarized and I can change it. Luckily the bank I go to is more than happy to notarize anything that I need and help me with my transition.

There's also a lot more shit that's been going on in my life but I'm not really going to get into it in this blog. Simply because I don't feel like talking about it right now. Maybe in a couple days I'll talk about it but till then that's everything so far.

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[120daysofsodomm]

[littlemsjane-error]

[spill-the-wine]

by: midnight_mortuary - ig

[3m0-b1tchhh]

[quarles1845]

⋆˚࿔Can a sugary daddy please fund my love of taxidermy? ⋆˚࿔

[bl00dfroma-fairy]

[morxwar]

girls be like “i’m shy” then want the roughest sex

[luvcvlt]

[120daysofsodomm]

[hellgirl666xx]

[spill-the-wine]

[quarles1845]

⋆˚࿔just finished crying⋆˚࿔