#got mom 5 books and i got 2 lol

[bunnyb34r]

Went to the mall to buy gifts and only really shopped at the bookstore lol

I could've gone to the closer bookstore or the half priced one honestly then but I dont think I'd have bought as much if I had

[somelazyassartist]

Sometimes you just don't sleep for 3 days because you're too busy weeping over the fact that a 111 year old mail ship at the bottom of the Atlantic will probably completely erode within your lifetime. for fun

[061306]

␥ list of things i’ve successfully manifested !

i discovered manifestation and the law around early 2022 and here's what i have manifested since then! this might not be much but this is to remind me that i am capable of anything and everything!

𖥻 1. clearer skin

i used to have a terrible breakout on the right side of my face + oily skin. now my skin is much better and less oily! i do not have acne anymore.

𖥻 2. weight loss ( 14 kgs )

i went from 69 kgs to 55 kgs in around two months with minimal exercise ( walking ) & a simple diet.

𖥻 3. height increase ( 11cm )

i used to be 150cm but not anymore lol. i got better proportions too!

𖥻 4. text messages & instant replies from people.

i also manifested message from a friend i was no longer in contact with.

𖥻 5. passing exams i thought i was going to fail

accountancy was my weakest subject but i manifested passing several tests and exams. i also manifested getting better in it!

𖥻 6. getting above average % board exams

board examinations are a big deal in my country and i, unfortunately, ended in a stream i was not interested in. i manifested getting ~80% in them despite getting way lesser in school examinations.

𖥻 7. food

one single thought turned into an assumption and i am having whatever i want for dinner!

𖥻 8. storage of my phone increasing

i only have 32gb of storage in my phone lol. so sometimes i have to clear app caches to make space, but not anymore.

𖥻 9. love confession

i simply wanted a love confession and i got it. as easy as it gets.

𖥻 10. an increament in my mom’s salary & money for myself

my mom really wanted an increament and i manifested it! she got increament of 5.5k! also manifested a bonus for her. + got gift money from my parents and relatives!

𖥻 11. letting go of & detaching from several people

i used to be attached some people that hurt me but not anymore. i have let go of them and it feels so much better.

𖥻 12. books & manga ( jjk )

my mom is not the type to let me spend money on buying books ( for leisure reading ), much less a comic book. but i manifested her allowing me to buy 4 books + 1 manga volume! she even paid for them.

𖥻 13. delaying the start of my college, teachers & professors taking leaves, not getting scolded for submitting assignments late

my college was supposed to start from early june but i manifested a delay and it started from mid-july. i have manifested both school teachers and college professors taking leaves on my desired days.

𖥻 14. nice aura + compliments

i have a magnetic aura, people feel comfort around me and i get so many compliments about literally everything i do!

𖥻 15. quick deliveries of my orders

🤭🤭🤭

𖥻 16. winning an elocution competition

i was really worried because i only found about it a day before and some other contestants had been trained by their professors. i was full of nerves but still won the first rank! the judges said my content was unique and everything i did was perfect.

𖥻 17. kitten type beauty

manifested myself big upturned eyes with pretty lashes & a v-shaped face with smooth skin!

𖥻 18. cats loving me

call me a cat whisperer the way cats love me! i can easily befriend any cat!!! ˃ᴗ˂

𖥻 19. desired skincare products for cheap

i really wanted vitamin c serum and face cleanser and sometime later i saw an ad with an offer to get both for 1 rupee! crazy right?

𖥻 20. entering the void on several occasions.

i have entered the void several times albeit unaware. recently i've started becoming aware before snapping out of it!

masterlist. | notes – i've also manifested getting a merch of my bias. i got it from my best friend as gift but i didn't add it on the list because i didn't want break the perfect 20. also this list is as on 04 DEC 2023.

[thesirencult]

PAC READING: YOUR DIVINE FEMININE'S AURA

Discussing your feminine's general aura and characteristics. Friendly for both men and girls/theys who like girls. You can also pick it to see how your aura is as a feminine ❤️

Book your reading by sending me a private message xoxo S.

Pile 1

7 of pentacles, 8 of pentacles, 10 of swords

Your DF has the aura of a sweet herbal witch. She lives in her little cabin in the woods and like a fairy she works on perfecting her craft. Greens and purples look great on her.

This is a slow and steady energy. This is someone who loves taking their time. She loves learning and implementing her skills. Making coffee becomes a daily ritual and same goes as washing the dishes.

Her attention to detail is immaculate and that can drive you crazy sometimes but you know that with all that good comes some bad. Very well presented, you can take her anywhere and all eyes will be on her. Very earthy, stable and focused on building a foundation for all things practical before she jumps onto commitment.

Her steady "working on myself" attitude stems from getting backstabbed one too many times. She knows that she has to build herself up and after that all her dreams will manifest. She is into self development and may love going through that tag on Tumblr. She may even be a blogger herself.

She is investing in herself and doesn't shy away from learning about accounting or law. Nothing will stand on her way to that cute fairy cottage *aggressive cute walk* 😉.

Pile 2

9 of pentacles, queen of swords, the magician

Whoever has this DF as a counterpart or has that aura, WOW. Miss Independent. A handful. We love seeing that *sprinkle, sprinkle* here. CEO. That's C-Suite energy!

This woman is someone powerful and dominant. Like a race horse you will always bet on because you KNOW, it will always come first 😉 (pun intended). She works very very hard for what she wants and similar to pile 1 she can be in accounting, finance and law. Good with numbers and her hands. I bet she has a dirty sense of humour.

From the first moment you see her you will know she is the real deal. Others blend in the background while she power walks in the room. Penetrating stare and red bottom high heels, her allure is different. She doesn't have to show dominance, others feel that she is the boss. Mami energy. Ferocious when someone comes for her loved ones. She could even be in law enforcement.

Red and brown. Symbolising high energy that's still grounded and serious. Do not cross her.

Pile 3

King Of Swords, Knight Of Wands, Ace Of Swords

Now, this one? A handful ! Try to tie her down. You just can't. A brat.

This person is very fluid. They don't care about terms and conditions. They are highly intelligent and her mind walks a thin line between spirituality and logic. The most unconventional, they will find a solution no one sees yet it's right in front of them. Highly intellectual and well versed in philosophy and math.

This reminds of a movie with James Franco where he played a start up founder who was into spirituality. A crazy genius. A party is a party and they will be there.

Partying in Ibiza? They've done that. Phuket for a Muay Thai Camp? That did that last year! Eiffel tower to try a croissant with pistachio filling? They just got back yesterday and guess what? They hate pistachios.

This person is the type to run a start up company focused on clean energy and when shit hits the fun they will call an astrologer and ask for recommendations. They respect everyone. They will listen to your mom and dad when they talk about their days and take mental notes of great ideas. They know great ideas come from the most unconventional places and fields.

Pile 4

Page Of Cups, Page Of Swords, The Fool (5 Of Swords + 8 Of Swords + 5 Of Pentacles flew out)

This can be my age difference pile. They will run you to the ground lol.

This is someone with lots of mental capacity. You ask them about World War II and they will tell you how Nazis and Churchill used astrology and why the war happened and after 5 hours you will be listening to them about Ancient Mesopotamia. "How did we get here?" You will think.

Well, it doesn't matter cause you love listening to their voice and their warm heartfelt laugh. They look innocent and pure and even if they try to intimidate you you will let them think they can but in reality they look like a cinnamon roll and they are a cinnamon roll. Their life was not the best and they have lots of trust issues. They may look innocent but their eyes hide a painful past. Like a kitten thrown out and left out in the cold they feel lost and unappreciated.

You listening to them means the world and you will be shocked at how appreciative they are and how loving with you. They are very romantic and they may have great expectations and daydreams about their love life.

I get that you might start off as friends and meet in a very random way on a daily run or while getting groceries or a tire changed. You will immediately fall in love with them and they will seem like they don't suspect a thing. Let me tell you, they know, they are just too scared to show their feelings and until you grab them and kiss em you won't know how much passion is brewing underneath this innocent and clever facade. They might turn into pile number 2 in a few years lol.

Ready for everything, you will always be a warm embrace and their home when they come back from exploration. You will love how they yawn while reading a book and how they stretch when they wake up showing revealing their tummy. They are cute to you, even if everyone else sees them differently, that's how you view them. They might be a black mysterious cat but you think of them as a tired little kitten waiting for a safe home that will accept them as they are.

[lyrakanefanatic]

tig couple hcs part 1: max and xander

OKAY FOR SOME REASON I RANDOMLY WANTED TO MAKE A TIG COUPLES SERIES SO HERES MY FAVS FIRST!!!

———————————————————

• they literally complete each other. xander, although he doesn’t show it, has always been a bit insecure when it comes to dating and didnt know if there was anyone right for him, until he met max 💗

• max told her parents about them dating a few months after they started, but they met like 6-7 months later. xander took it extremely seriously surprisingly, and showed up to her parents house with a suit and a bouquet of tulips (maxs favourite) (oh, and he got a smaller bundle of yellow roses for maxs mom because they represent friendship and/or family 🤭)

• xander loves isaac (max’s brother) and they get along really well

• karaoke nights are ICONIC with these two and they sing the best duets. you bet they’re eating up shallow and every hamilton song to have ever existed

• whenever they have movie nights they make the famous candy salads, and do that tiktok trend thing where they pretend that the candy salad was actually supposed to be a salad to make themselves seem healthy. here’s an example if you don’t know what i mean:

• “xander, are you ready to try this super healthy salad?”

• “you bet i am! i can’t wait to dig in— OH MY GOD!!! ITS ALL CANDY!!”

• “this is disgusting!! but… we can’t waste it.”

• “you’re right max. there are starving children! let’s try this”

• *while they’re eating* “this is NOT the healthy all greens salad we wanted xan 😪”

• “yeah, im SO disappointed.” (while they’re throwing handfuls of nerds gummy clusters onto their mouths)

• although avery and libby were the first people max told about her and xander dating, nash was the first person xander told about him and max dating.

• jk. nash found out because he walked in on him and max kissing and then xander told everyone in fear that nash would first. 💀

• they have SO. MANY. inside jokes it’s not even funny. sometimes at hawthorne family dinners, max will pick up a napkin or something and say some weird dumb statement to xander and they’ll both burst out laughing and get shot dirty looks by the laughlins and every older hawthorne that lives at hawthorne house

• max actually didn’t really like xander at first (although she found him attractive) because she was worried for avery, and when she had first got to the hawthorne house, she used to wander the halls just looking around, like the curious cat she is. one day, xander sees her wandering and pops up in front of her, and max, who was taken by surprise, pulls her fist back and punched him right in the throat. he was wheezing on the ground for 5 minutes straight. (she apologized so many times)

• at their wedding, xander mentioned this ⬆️⬆️ story in his vows with a cheesy line, like: “maxine liu, when I first met you, you took my breath away. literally. you punched me in the throat.” and made everybody there laugh (at the after party, nash made him explain the whole story)

• max snores and is a terrible sleeper, but thankfully xander falls asleep really quickly, so by the time she’s got her book away and is creating so much noise that it sounds like an elephant orchestra has taken residence in her mouth, xander’s already asleep

• they wear custom made matching hoodies. xanders says “when unsure, ask for max’s opinion” and max’s hoodie just says “max”.

• ⬆️ doesn’t really work the best when they’re not together LOL

• xander has woken up to max’s giggles at 3 am when she’s reading and the enemies become loversss 🤭🤭

• they eat enough food combined at thanksgiving dinner to make all of texas starve

• on the rare occasions that xander visits maxs house, he always takes seconds and thirds at dinner because he just loves her moms cooking so much

• when xander heard her swear for the first time, he was so taken aback that he just stared at her like this for 2 minutes straight:

——————————————————————————

OKAY THATS ALL!!!

LEMME KNOW WHAT COUPLE I SHOULD DO NEXT BECAUSE I LOVED MAKING HCS FOR THESE TWO 💗💗💗

[operationslipperypuppet]

Naddpod Carnegie based on what I can remember, post-show euphoria comedown. (That’s more for me so I can remember it later)

The music was played by a quintet, and the director was Emily’s brother, Brian. They were incredible.

Music started early and people talked through a lot of it but it was all incredible. When they played Kingshammer, everyone lost their shit after one note. When they finished we freaked out. We were correct to do this.

The whole two crew was dressed up and looked so great! Murph’s jacket was bedazzled.

The band stayed on stage for the show and played music under moments of it as it happened.

We started with the Boobs. They were nominated for the hit awards show, the Batubies, 5 years after the fall of Thiala. Bev was wearing a too-tight bow tie and grew a bad mustache. Hardwons outfit matched what Jake was wearing. Moonshine wild shaped just her torso into a penguin (still with huge boobs). Paw Paw was covered in hair gel and grew a perfect mustache. They were all gunning for pawpaw to win, and the photographers only wanted to photograph him.

Balnor was the host. He was possessed by a joke book, dungeons and laughies. He had veneers and Hardwon and Moonshine wanted some as well. Hardwon filed his teeth down to prepare, Moonsshine opted to wait for a dentist. The boobs HATED Balnor’s jokes. He hissed at them when they tried to take his book. Moonshine admitted to maybe being attracted to hissing Balnor.

The awards show started with an in memoriam to certain villains they’d killed. They were described: Josh - thrown out a window by Moonshine, The Crag - beheaded by Bev after a beheading song/dance (I do not remember lol), Galad - beheaded by Hardwon and then resurrected and beheaded by hardwons mom (jake blows kiss to Lydia), The Bear Prince - killed by Moonshine then brought back as a zombie so he could be killed by Hardwon, who was trapped in honey the whole fight, Thiala - eaten by Moonshine.

Awards were as follows: A best dramatic acting - they played clips from the actual pod; Hardwon finding out about his parents, Bev trying to resurrect Erlin when Thiala killed Pelor, Moonshine’s “child has a duty to his father, hero has a duty to the world”, and Donkey Kong’s recap of the wars - DK won. The audience was confused. Moonshine and Hardwon were angry because “that wasn’t canon”. DK sent in a video acceptance speech. Pendergreens won best redemption arc and gave a speech about how good Bowflexes are, and then Ren won a free bow flex. Coach Bortram won best smite, murph thought he remembered his voice. He did not

Best hero was the boobs rescinding their nominations so Paw Paw could win. Balnor, possessed, gave it to Galad, resurrecting him. Paw Paw was the only one to escape a restraining spell, and fled the theater, chosen knights in hot pursuit. The Boobs were annoyed with Balnor and when he died onstage were called out by Cobb and MeeMaw for being mean. It was nice to have Cobb.

Outside, he found the Triplets and Keychain, who were arguing with the astral worm bouncer because they weren’t on the list and Onyx dressed as one of the “Stranger Kids” cast to try to get in. (Murph still DMing, Caldwell as Keychain.) They wanted to kill Paw Paw (thought he was a weird dog) and were ready to fight the Chosen over it. Paw Paw rolled a nat 20 initiative, and ran again. Nyack killed 2 knights, Onyx killed 3 others. They got VIP passes and headed inside the theater, Onyx hitting on the astral worm along the way.

Paw Paw then found the Third Mates in a bar. Zirk drank windex, poisoned himself, and Fia and Hank also drank Windex. They talked about having Windex visions and seeing Windex Goblins. Paw Paw was familiar with the ladder. Bukvar could talk to Paw Paw and translated his distress to the Third Mates. He also asked why they drank Windex. Murph said that the bartender said “this only really sounds like one of you” and looked past zirk, very clearly calling out human man Caldwell. It was beautiful. They were ready to act, healed from poison by Paw Paw giving them water. Balnors evil book attacked, and Hank and Shank took it out in one turn, doing over 100 damage with an action surge. Murph was pleasantly shocked. Fia was able to use the disenchanted book to learn the spell to free everyone in the theater They then followed Paw Paw back to the theater.

Inside, everyone discovered that the Boobs had been kidnapped by Galad, who intended to use their blood to bring back Thiala. The only witnesses to this were our beloved Duck Team, who did not get restrained but didn’t help because they were busy playing smash on a DS.

Balnor, back alive, asked everyone to come help. There was some discussion over whether the triplets would go.

He took all the heroes in the Stormborn to the mountains of Irondeep. The triplets took over the captains quarters and claimed they already had rewards accounts. They tried to order chicken caesar salads from Calder, who could only find lettuce. Hank was steering, worried about gunk in the wheel. Fia was warming up the canons, Callie was in the crows nest. Sol was in the sails, Zirk got stuck in the engine. It was glorious.

Once in irondeep, they found Galad looming over the tied up boobs, stealing Rosaline back. They rolled initiative based on the highest dex of any of their characters and could choose one to take a turn as. It was dope as hell. Order was Galad, Jake, Emily, Caldwell.

Galad used his first turn to kill Jens. Turned him to dust. Murph demanded a sad song play for his death, and he got Valiant Ol’ Cobb. (Beautiful orchestration. Un fucking earned). The remaining triplets then explained his best moments to Balnor, including asking Keychain if he was a blender and watching Friends with headphones but the subs on so others could read it. Nyack shot at Galad. Onyx smacked the shit out of Galad (with the help of a chronal shift). Galad used legendaries to hit and then power word kill Nyack. Nyack blamed Calder due to the fact he didn’t have chicken on his salad. The familiars freed the boobs. Zirk helped Bev use a “blue smite” (Windex reference) on Galad. Galad attacked and crit on Onyx. Hardwon smacked the shit out of Galad and killed him once again.

Paw Paw was then given the divine power Galad had and Murph said the audience could decide if he resurrected Nyack and Jens. It was a split vote. In the end, only Nyack was resurrected.

We then ended the show with a One Big Bed singalong. It was so wonderful and sweet and perfect.

All in all, it was a great fucking show. What an absolute gift. Here’s to 5 more years.

[joydoesathing]

Here is my pre prepared writing list for my next fanfic!! :)

(It’s ok to answer this rlly late bc I’m still working on Mike and Wil’s fanfic. i’m just getting this list ready for when I start the next Fanfic.)

1. How did Frances’ parents find out she was pregnant?

2. How old was Nacho when he got his first job?

3. How was Anatolii as a baby? (Did he like cry a lot or was he just chill lol)

4. Did Frances enjoy being institutionalised?

5. Does Anatolii like going to school?

6. How did Nacho run away?

7. How did Frances track him down?

8. You said their parents weren’t aware of their ‘relationship,’ but did any of their friends know?

9. How long did it take for Nacho and Frances to recognise each other when Frances moved into the apartment?

10. Does Anatolii get bullied/teased by others because of him not having a mother? (I mean, its the 50s. It wasn’t considered normal to not have both parents unless one of em was like, dead.)

🎀

1.) Well, naturally she still lived with them at the time so they'd find out eventually.

2.) Around his mid-twenties

3.) In first few years he was with Nacho, Tolya cried quite a lot , mainly because Nacho knew jackshit about taking care of babies and he was quite busy and didn't see Tolya much (college then finding a stable job)

4.) Not really but not enough for her to hate it there

5.) Yeah, pretty much

6.) He moved states. When he first met Frances, I imagine he was living independently away from him parents and home state for college, much to his parents' dismay. Then when he heard about the pregnancy, he got help from his "buddies" to move to a state nearer to his home state and transfer to a different college there. Of course, the sudden transfer did shock his parents but they were able pull off the excuse that Nacho's grades in that college were tanking because he didn't really like his previous college, so his parents permitted it (plus they also thought it was a good thing since he'll be closer to home now). In case you haven't noticed here already, Nacho has very loving parents that would excuse him of most of his antics.

7.) Scurried through a bunch of phone books for months on end until a previous neighbor of Nacho's took notice of her situation and provided her a few details they heard of him and his whereabouts

8.) Nacho's buddies knew and Frances kept it between her and just one close friend.

9.) It took probably almost a year and a few months.

10.) Well, when he was smaller, no, because he never disclosed that fact, but later on his classmates did notice was a bit odd that they have never seen Anatolii with his mom, so some people just jumped to their own theories and a good few of these guys would use it to get under Tolya's skin out of boredom or spite.

[cambrioleur]

Random observations on this season (updating)

(SPOILERS, OBVIOUSLY)

Episode 1

I don't think we've ever seen Assane do a genuine fourth-wall break before

OK so Claire has a last name now

Assane really expected that he could just show up and Claire would just fall at his feet

I'm surprised Benjamin is just allowed to continue working at his shop

This feels better-edited than Parts 1 & 2

Name a more iconic duo than Belkacem and failing constantly (she really doesn't listen, does she)

Episode 2

Philippe Courbet sighting

NEVER invite Guédira to a funeral lmaooo

Hang on I'm just now realizing that Juliette is at this funeral, too (she's standing in the second row behind Benjamin and Claire and honestly doesn't seem too upset about Assane's "death")

I like how in the flashback Babakar tells Assane that he reminds him of his mother and then it turns out she was a criminal

This seems to be around the time of Raoul's birthday again; he really can't catch a break on that

Episode 3

New shipping war just dropped: Guédira/Belkacem vs Guédira/Fleur

That bit where Claire was outright begging Benjamin to tell her Assane was alive and he couldn't...that was sad

But then it was followed by Benjamin doing the "uhh my FRIEND just died" act with Belkacem which was funny

This gang of thugs is trying a little too hard tbh

Assane's disguise in this episode is fucking terrible lol

The basketball coach disguise, on the other hand, is the only time I've genuinely thought he wasn't recognizable

Episode 4

Ironically that coach persona is probably the best parenting Assane has ever done

Claire? Doing things that are vaguely cool?? That feels illegal. Also, she looked so proud of herself for swiping that book, lol

Betraying Benjamin was certainly...a choice on Assane's part ("everyone disliked that")

This episode is going to devastate the show's Tumblr fandom

Episode 5

Assane trolling the shit out of Guédira will never not be funny

These 1998 flashbacks are pretty dark actually

Honestly the way Claire got that reveal out of Benjamin was very well-played on her part

Guédira out here looking like present-day Ringo Starr with that disguise

Aww look at Assane playing the matchmaker for Guédira and Belkacem, heh heh

This is easily one of the funniest episodes

Except Benjamin is straight up not having a good time -- it looks like he got beaten up in prison

Episode 6

Actually, now that I'm thinking about it, I'm not totally sure Benjamin knows that Assane betrayed him. It's possible he just thinks that he fucked up with the bracelet and then missed a cue in the maze

"Pasta with ketchup" jesus fucking christ Claire that sounds horrendous (although I'm guessing the only reason they did that was because of the ketchup-bottle reveal)

Assane really has Claire's number because he's now seduced her twice under two different identities

IDK whether or not Raoul has figured out that the coach is his dad but it's funny that he still seemed to be shipping it either way

It's nice that we get to see Claire's more playful side in this season, like her messing with Assane by acting really flirty with "Alex" after she realizes they're the same person

INCREDIBLE casting for the younger and older versions of Keller tbh; they easily look like they could be the same person

Episode 7

What a nice family reunion...it would be a shame if something happened to it...

The flashbacks are significantly darker than the present timeline this time around

Guédira finally got to arrest Assane, good for him!

The scene at the train station with the letter from Assane to Claire sort of reminds me of the ending to A Tale of Two Cities, which I had to read for AP prep a while back

Oh look, Hubert Pellegrini is back

So they're CLEARLY setting up another season with this ending

The choice of people to show on the montage there was interesting, lol

I could see a Juliette antagonist arc happening tbh

Maybe Assane's mom isn't all she seems either

And what about Benjamin? If he turns against Assane the viewers are going to lose their minds

[atopvisenyashill]

To not clogging the thread: Vaemond Velayron deserved to be feed to a dragon and his Slient Five got off lightly just losing their tongues.

1) Apparently they only 'notice' the bastardy of the three boys after Laenor died.

2) After Harwin died.

3)And Laena died, but apparently her twins are unworthy of Driftmark do to lack of the dick but not of birth.

4)This feeds directly into treason against the king and into the political schemes of the Greens.

5)The toddler betrothals basically made the issue mute because /Laenor and Laena/ made them.

6) Also book!Rhaenys was a brunette and show!Rhaenys white, unless someone wants to colorcode every other family by paternity and paint color I will die on this hill.

I mean look at Jennifer Beals (Flashdance) and Mel B (Spicegirls) who are both biracial.

Also the entire mystery of the main series was a brunette man can't have light hair colored children. Ever. No one looks like grandma.

*Pulls out four of the five Stark kids have red hair and blue eyes. Rhaenys the Queen that Never Was had a Baratheon mother. Jon and Rhaenys both look like their mothers. Woah.)

i didn’t wanna be like “AND MAYBE IF THE SILENT FIVE WERENT DUMB BITCHES THEY WOULDNT HAVE DIED” bc yeah it was getting long but lmaooooo EXACTLY.

like, beyond the fact that i just have a very hard time taking any sort of "but they're bastards" argument seriously (that goes for ned too, and i've whacked him for it but WHY exactly does joffrey's behavior become worse knowing he's a bastard? hmmmmmm???) but it's like. so you've had an issue with this for years, and either brought it up to corlys/laenor who told you to suck shit, or never brought it up to the head of your house OR his heir and decided to kick it STRAIGHT up to the king. the king whose daughter you are accusing of treason. why do you think this is gonna end well? the fact that viserys didn't straight up execute them is crazy.

"oh well she's stealing-" no, she's actually not because as you say, laenor & laena engage their kids and baela and rhaena come before vaemond's line. if they had like an actual problem they would have gone to corlys before he was dying not after. they would have said something right after laenor dies. they wait years. yeah yeah torture is bad and murder is bad but they're no different than renly, vainly grasping at power when they think they see an opening. and just like renly, they play the game of thrones, and they lose. if you don't want to lose, maybe be smarter about it!

and yeah these are my go to "mixed but they look white as hell"

First is Cameron Boyce, he had a black dad and a jewish mom, those are his parents and sister. People love to pretend like they don't know he's black and "oh well he looks white so" he did an entire bit on disney channel explaining who the clinton 12 were because his grandma is jo ann boyce. if you're trying to make the argument that the beloved grandson of one of the first schools to desegregate aftr brown v board isn't black just bc he's pasty, like, what are you even fucking doing lol. the other two are kj apa. he's another actor people love to pretend is white but like. first of all look at his sister - they clearly look alike while she also "looks samoan" and his dad is the same as his sister. his dad is a tribal chief. the tattoos he has are sacred. just because people are insane about blood quantum in the usa doesn't mean that race and ethnicity isn't more complicated than that and calling the son of a matai a white boy simply because they made him dye his hair red and covered up his tattoos for a few roles doesn't actually make him suddenly non samoan.

people kinda do this with the dragon twins too like "oh well they shouldn't look so visibly black they only have one one black grandparent" BEHOLD ANOTHER ACTRESS WITH ONLY ONE BLACK GRANDPARENT

like can we be serious lol. can we please be serious.

[thatoneperson747]

Hi

So while procrastinating writing the fic I'm working on, I decided it was time for me to read the Royal Ranger. I only have book one, and I've had it for about a year now, but I never read even the first page. I've heard stuff throughout the fandom about it, but I've tried to stay away from royal ranger specific posts in order to not spoil the book for me.

If you also haven't read it yet and want to avoid spoilers, stop reading now. You've been warned.

Here's the things I knew before reading:

Will has a beard now. This is very controversial.

Alyss dies. She was burned to death. Also very controversial.

Horace and Cassie have a daughter named Maddie. Maddie becomes Will's apprentice.

And that's about it.

I decided that since the Royal Ranger was so hit or miss for the community, I'd document my thoughts on it (as a personal record, if you will) and see how my opinions change, if they change at all. Feel free to laugh at me if I make predictions and they end up being completely wrong lol

I've read the first seven chapters, and here are the main thoughts I have right now.

1. Is Will now just Halt? When he was first being described during the scene with Henry Wheeler, I dead ass thought Flanagan was talking about Halt. I mean, Will is grey already? Like, fully grey. He's described as having a "steel-grey beard." Not grey and brown, just grey. Halt???

2. Alyss' death fit her character well, but why did she have to die? Keep in mind, I was never the biggest fan of Alyss - I thought a character as interesting as a diplomat should have more personality than just "the main character's girlfriend" - but come on? We barely got to see them married. Idk man. I feel like her death would be better justified if they had actually like. been together longer? 10/10 for writing her death though, saving a poor child from death seems really in character for her, especially considering that's pretty much what Baron Arald did for the ward kids (he didn't die for it but still, he saved them from a childhood of neglect and almost certain death). I feel like it's a great wrap to her story, although I wish her story was longer.

3. Crowley was done dirty. What the actual f u c k Flanagan? The Corps Commander, the man, myth, and legend gets a paragraph to explain his death. It's such a lamely written death too? Crowley, a ranger, who was probably in peak health, just nopes out one night. At least he was smiling..? And maybe it's the fact that TEY is my favorite part of the series so far, but Crowley deserved way better than that shit. Also I'm surprised that I managed to not know about Crowley's death before this?? I actually cried reading it. He was such a precious little man in TEY, how could you do this Flanagan???

4. Maddie is a bit of a brat. Not even a bit, she kinda just is. To be fair, Cassie was that way sometimes as well, but Maddie just seems... I don't know, too much of a 'I-do-what-I-want-and-you-can't-stop-me' kinda person, but in a bad way??? Like that one kid in school who would never listen to authority figures and got everyone in trouble all the time? I hope she mellows out because she could be a great character, I think. It's said she takes after her mom, but I'd like to see her act like Horace too.

5. Gilan. Just Gilan. What?? I never liked his relationship with Jenny much, he seems quite a bit too old for her (at least 5 years, most likely quite a bit more since Halt had a few years between Gilan and Will), but he's so relentless in asking her to marry him? Huh??

And also, BOLD of Flanagan to assume Gilan would be hesitant about letting a girl into the corps. This man has traveled with Cassie. He's traveled with Lydia from Brotherband. He knows women are capable. I mentioned not liking his and Jenny's relationship, but like. he even respects her. She's a business woman, she owns her own restaurant. No one can possibly convince me that Gilan doesn't drink his respect-women juice DAILY. It feels out of character for him.

6. Poor Duncan. That's the end of the sentence.

7. Those guards are hysterical. Ah, yes, let's just casually not mention or try to stop the princess sneaking in and out of the castle even though this could end really really badly. Perfect logic.

And yeah that's all I got right now. I'm very excited to see how my opinions so far change! I'll document them here too in case anyone cares. Feel free to reblog with your own RR opinions and the like! I'd love to see what you guys think of my takes lol

[blissfullyecho]

things that i’ve learned during my self-improvement journey that may or may not be controversial (and cause angry anon messages lol)

i talked more in depth in my new book that’s coming out about the things i’ve learned that actually helped me improve but here is a quick list of an updated “things that i’ve learned” since i made a list like this earlier this year.

1. it’s better to follow beauty standards than to do your own thing. society’s beauty standards ONLY become society’s beauty standards when everyone collectively shows more grace and interest in a specific type of person. beauty standards don’t just happen because an article wrote down what women should look like and now we follow it. they happen because there is a certain type of look + certain types of features that is adored by a MASS of people. your life will be a lot easier if you look good and follow society’s standards of beautiful. stop with the “it’s on the inside that counts” because that only works if you caught everyone by appearance first. no one gives unattractive people the time of day to even prove themselves to be awesome and beautiful on the inside. be for real.

2. morning routines give a false sense of productivity. it’s like people feel like they have to do 100 things in the morning before they tackle on their day. you’re gonna be tired before even starting work because your morning routine took 4 hours. wake up, do the basics, workout if you like to workout in the morning, and then get to work. writing gratitude lists and levitating in your living room for a couple hours is not going to make or break the rest of your day, i promise.

3. evening routines keep your mind and body active because you’re not allowing your body to just chill and your mind to go with the flow. keeping it simple before bed allows you a better night’s rest. brush teeth, skincare, and read a book. be zen before bed and stop trying to check off to do lists for an evening routine.

4. i’m not accepting myself. i’m not going to accept myself if i don’t like how i look. i’m not going to accept myself if i just got cheated on. i’m not going to accept myself if I’m not making the grades i want to make. take your self-acceptance advice and shove it. if i don’t like something about myself, you best believe i’m changing it. i don’t need to accept myself. i’ll accept myself when i’m happy with where i am. that’s like you being in an unhealthy relationship with someone and i tell you “accept where the relationship is”. no, goodbye i’m leaving this person and you can have him and accept where that relationship goes. it’s so stupid.

5. your advice to me should not be “oh just be confident”. confidence doesn’t come all of a sudden. confidence comes when you show up for yourself day in and day out and make things happen. confidence comes when you accomplish things. confidence comes when you put in effort and work and start seeing the benefits come into fruition. if you tell me to be confident, i will pinch you.

6. i’ve said it so many times this week, but i’m not manifesting. if i want something, i’m going to work at having it in my life immediately. i’m going to create a plan of action and take calculated steps to get what i want. if you think i’m going to write “i have $1,000,000 in my bank account” 55 times for 5 days, you have got me mistaken. i guarantee you i would be up day and night reading about business, finances, marketing, customer service, anything and everything about entrepreneurship and business and start a business that’s going to generate enough income where i have $1M in my account. no, i’m not going to have more faith in my crystals than in my own abilities of working hard. stop being scared to work.

7. this is one i recently had to learn: most people get into a relationship because they are ready to settle down. before you start letting your loneliness get the best of you, ask yourself “am i ready to settle down and potentially become a wife/husband and mom/dad in the next 1-3 years or do i just want affection/attention/the feeling of being wanted/loved/adored?” only get into a relationship when you’re ready for the next step, NOT when you are in your feelings.

[captain-of-the-gwynriel-ship]

SJM ask game

I saw this ask game started by @milswrites and I absolutely love it!

1) What’s your favourite SJM book?

It is a tie between ACOMAF, QOS, and CC1. Those are my top 3 and they rotate on a daily basis on which is my favorite.

2) Which is your favourite series (tog, acotar or cc)

TOG is def my favorite of the three. The story is so beautifully bookended, each book can stand by itself, the characters are amazing and they go through so much growth. I love ACOTAR because I love the relationships that are built there and the world building is so interesting. I also read ACOTAR at a very dark point in my life and reading about Feyre digging herself out of the darkness helped me do the same. I love Ruhn Dannan. Daynight is life. Enough said.

3) Who is your favourite character? (And why?)

I have to have a favorite character from each series. For ACOTAR, gwyn has whittled her way into my heart as my favorite character. Her bravery, her selflessness, her determination. We see her interact with characters who are previously shown to be extremely unaproachable and she treats them like normal people. She is healing and is in the process of building a life that is worth living. I cannot wait to read more of her journey in the next book. For TOG, my favorite characters are Aelin, Manon, and Lysandra. Aelin is forced to be so strong from such a young age, and the shit that she is put through just makes my heart ache. KOA broke my heart so many times because she felt so broken and I feel like we never got a true conclusion to it. Manon is such a prime example of Nature vs Nurture. She was Nurtured to be a heartless killer, but once she started seeing the world for what it was and seeing the injustices her people were committing, she and the 13 stood up for what was right and went up against their sister Ironteeth in battle in order to fight for a better world. Lysandra has been a favorite of mine since the first time I read her on the page. She was taken advantage of and was forced into a role outside of her command. The way she takes her own life in her hands, she puts the needs of others before her own, and was a friend to Aelin when she truly needed one will solidify her as one of my favorites. It is no surprise that Lydia is my favorite CC character. I loved her in CC2, but she CARRIED CC3. She is like the perfect mix of Rhys and Aelin and her ancestors would be proud of her and what she has done.

4) Do you have a favourite quote from one of the books?

I have a million favorite quotes. One of the ones I wouldn't mind getting a tattoo of is "Don't let the Hard days win" it is simple but so impactful and some days I need the reminder. I cannot stop crying when I read Lehabah's last conversation with Bryce. Also, I definately Bawl everytime Aelin hallucinates about her parents and her mom says, "Why do you cry, Fireheart?"

5) Favourite ship?

In no particular order: Gwynriel, Feysand, DayNight, Rowaelin, Lysaedion, Nestaq.

6) E/riel or Gwynriel? Or neither?

I think my username speaks for itself

7) Who’s the most underrated SJM character?

NESRYN MF EMPRESSES FALIQ. I love her. I know she isn't on my list of favorites but she is 100% a favorite. Her and Sartaq are just *Chef's Kiss*

8) Which character do you wish to learn more about?

Oooooh. Azriel, Gwyn, Jessiba, Lydia, VAUGHN, Lucien.

9) Are there any characters you don’t like?

Besides the bad guys? I don't care for Ithan but its not that I don't like him. He just reads like a washed up frat boy but I was impressed with his growth in CC3. It's not like I HATE him, he just isn't a favorite of mine.

10) Favourite bat boy?

It should come as ZERO surprise that Azriel is my favorite bat boy. However, if I had to choose ANY of the SJM Males to be my mate, it would be Dorian :) I would die fighting Manon for him but worth it lol

11) Favourite court?/ Which one would you most like to live in?

I most definately fit into the Night Court. Anyone who knows me knows I am a night owl and I would sleep all day and be awake at night if I could. If Eris was high lord, my second choice would be Autumn.

12) Favourite SJM villain?

I think we can all agree that Maeve is the most flushed out villian that SJM has written to date. I love to hate her.

13) If you could change one thing in any of the books what would it be?

I would get rid of all the "crumbs" for E/riel and I would make Mor more open about her sexuality with the IC from the beginning. I am fixing both in FM2M.

14) Favourite SJM theory?

Gwynriel are mates. There is way too much canonical evidence to prove otherwise.

15) Favourite Archeron sister?

Feyre.

16) A character you feel is over-hated/ underrated

Aedion. Leave my boy alone. Was he a dumbass? Yes. HOWEVER, think about his trauma and the BS Lysandra and Aelin pulled on him. He has had the weight of his kingdom on his shoulders for 10 years. He has been playing the game longer than he can remember, was taken advantage of by older men in the army as he worked his way up the ranks. His father's identity needed to be kept a secret to the detriment of his mother and he resents Gavriel for it. They were going to turn him into the same absentee father that he hated, and they threw his trauma in his face. He would have just been a breeding stud and would never be able to recognize his own children. It was a stab right to his heart and he was betrayed by the two people who meant the most to him in the world. Give the boy some grace.

17) Aelin, Bryce, or Feyre?

I think Aelin is the most fleshed out and goes through the most character growth. However, Bryce and Feyre have my heart. I will not choose.

18) If you wrote an acotar book what would you call it?

A Court of Scars and Shadows. Thanks @thebelladonnamoon for coming up with the perfect ACOTAR 6 title.

20) Who is your favourite acotar blogger?

Here on Tumblr, I love @acourtofthought @gwynrieldefenseatty but there are so many that I love :) And, as always, @yazthebookish

21)What fics would you recommend to people who love the series?

OH GOD. Off the top of my head for ACOTAR: ACoFD by @the-lonelybarricade (or ANYTHING by her and @separatist-apologist) ACOSAS by @thebelladonnamoon, Call Me Home by @propagandaprincess, There You Are by @sweethvilliandarlinggod

You can see my bookmarked favorite fics here: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Captain_of_the_Gwynriel_Ship

TOG Favorite fics: High Infidelity by @heirofflowers, Bad Intentions by @starseternalnighttriumphant, Illicit Affairs is my ALL TIME FAVORITE by @rowanaelinn, remanents by @the_dormouse, and The Inclining of Stars by @Slytherindemigod18

CC Favorites: I havent read too many, but you can always count on Verzavar Haz by @hlizr50 to break down your soul.

Questions for writers

22) Easiest character to write for?

Probably Feyre or Gwyn. I just feel like I can get in their heads the easiest.

23) Hardest character to write for?

Rhys (so far). It is why he hasn't had a POV yet in FM2M but there will be one in a couple chapters.

24) What’s a character you’d like to write for but haven’t yet? Ooh. Some of the TOG characters. I haven't ventured outside of ACOTAR yet but one day maybe.

25) What’s a court you’d like to write about more?

Autumn wink wink. And Hybern (I know it isn't a court but still).

26) What’s a character you won’t write for and why?

I don't know if there is a character I won't write for. I think it just depends. Probably Elorcan as a couple because as much as I like them, I couldn't really write them.

27) If you could only write for one character ever again, who would you pick?

Gwyn. Easy.

28) Whats your favourite trope to write about when it comes to Azriel?

Oh gods where to start. Friends to lovers, priestess/sinner, trainer/trainee, Acceptance and Longing, Soulmates, Forced Proximity. I could go on.

29) What do you think is the best/favourite acotar fic you’ve written?

I mean definitely FM2M, but I loved writing Up Against the Wall and coming up with the idea for The Great Escape.

30) Who are your favourite friendships to write about?

Right now, the valkyrie and Mor and Feyre, Cassian and Feyre, and Lucien and Feyre.

31) For first time readers to your blog, which three fics would you recommend they read?

Obviously FM2M, you can read some of my other one shots or short fics or check out some of my favorite fics above!

This was super fun and a way to distract me from such a boring work day haha

[chikkou]

ok i was waiting until my laptop got here to finally tell all the bullshit thats happened in the last like. 5 months lol. cause its a lot to type

im gonna put it all under the cut so no one has to read if they dont want. its a LONG fucking story.

tl;dr:

ok so for basic background, for the last two years or so, i was living with a roommate in connecticut. the roommate was my (now former) best friend since middle school. in july of this year his behavior totally shifted, and he started picking fights with me out of nowhere, told our high school friends a bunch of straight up lies abt me to make me look like a horrible roommate & person, and just generally became a two-faced dickhead. in the end, it turned out to all be excuses to justify his decision to move out (unofficially, name was still on the lease) so that he could live with his boyfriends and not pay any bills. at the time i was really devastated by this bc i felt totally betrayed by this person i had been close to since i was 12/13, but frankly after everything else that happened i barely fucking think about it now LMAO. this is set dressing more than anything else

so anyway, i had been living alone since about august, that was the last time i saw him in person. i wasnt handling the situation well because i had spoken to my high school friend and found out the extent to which hed tried to paint me as a slovenly, horrible roommate, to the point of telling actual lies about really dumb stuff (which didnt work btw - my friends, god bless them, were more concerned about my mental health than anything and thought i was going down a depression spiral, which my former friend told them he was helping me through. they believed me right away once we finally did talk). all that is to say, i was going kind of crazy lol, and i decided to go back home in october just for a short while, to recharge my batteries and all.

i was gone for a couple of weeks, not very long. i felt MUCH better after being with my family & friends in person, as i felt pretty isolated from everyone (my hometown is in new york, i was only 2 hours away by train but scheduling times to visit was sort of a hassle, so i only did it once every couple months). my grandfather and mom dropped me off at my apartment in early november, we were very lighthearted and discussing my next steps, since my shithead friend had been behind on rent more than 5 times (i always paid my half on time) and i was facing eviction because of it. we get to my apartment, i go to open the door, and it wont open. not that its locked, it just straight up WONT open. my grandpa tried to ram the door with his shoulder, and nothing. hes a strong ass dude, and this door wouldnt budge for anything.

my mom managed to get the kitchen window open and climb in that way, and it took both her and my grandpa pulling/pushing at the same time to force the door open. i wont even dress this up: there was mold. fucking. everywhere. on the floor, on the walls, all over everything i owned. i have pictures (had to take them for insurance) and im not even going to show them because they are beyond fucking disgusting. everything i owned was soaked in water and mold, and i do literally mean EVERYTHING. it was very warm in there too, like the temperature of a swamp. i was in a haze after that. i just remember sobbing, like genuinely heartbroken sobbing, as i wandered around looking at everything that was ruined. my mom & grandpa had to go and get maintenance because i was just utterly useless, and they were equally horrified & said they'd never seen anything like it.

i managed to save some items that were irreplaceable (journals, notebooks, etc) and whatever clothes werent utterly soaked in mold. all of my cookware, my books, my laptop & desktop (i cried the hardest when i saw the desktop) - it was all ruined. we found out later that the water boiler in my apartment had a catastrophic failure while i was gone, which caused it to constantly send water back through the pipes, empty, and refill itself. my bedroom was directly above the boiler downstairs, so it got the most significant amount of damage. all told, i lost like 95% of the things i owned. it is possible that i could have saved more, but the amount of mold in that apartment made it a genuine safety hazard for me to even be in there, so i had very limited time to grab what i could. the cruelest irony of all that? my shithead ex-friend's room, which was on the other side of the hallway, was pretty much untouched. he lost absolutely nothing lol.

so immediately, i had to leave the state. i moved back to ny with my family. my mother - who had a stroke last year following a diagnosis of an exceedingly rare neurological disorder, AND had two separate brain surgeries to improve her quality of life - was in the process of getting evicted. the landlord didnt give a fuck about any of my moms situation, not her being disabled, not her being widowed, not her having 3 kids under the age of 18 to care for - he just wanted her out so he could increase the cost of rent on our house. at the same time as all this was going on, i got saddled with a $600 electric bill (likely caused by the water heater's malfunction), which neither insurance nor the apartment would pay, so it came out of my pocket. in addition, i found out in december that i was also getting laid off.

we had nowhere to go and couldnt afford to live anywhere in the tri-state area. we had no choice but to move somewhere much cheaper, and since my mom already had a friend living in a mid-atlantic state, we chose to move there. the eviction went through in january and we had less than 2 weeks to pack all our shit, find a place to live, and get the fuck out. needless to say, we were not successful lol.

we stayed in my grandparents 1 bedroom apartment for about a week, then all of us drove down together to stay with my moms friend in her 3 bedroom apartment (she has 5 kids, 3 of whom live in the apartment). my moms apartment, which was supposed to have been ready by january 31st, still had people actively living there. the property manager kept promising us it would be next week for the entire month of february, to the point that my mom got fed up and chose to rent a small house instead. the reality of being essentially homeless for that time was beyond horrifying, and having anywhere between 8-10 people in that house (my cousin also moved with us, but he stayed in a hotel for the first week) was more taxing than i can express.

but things have gotten a lot better since then. i also found a cute little house to rent just up the road from my moms, and its very cheap for its size. i still havent found a job yet, but thanks to what was essentially the liquidation of everything i owned, ill be ok for a couple months more. im slowly but surely repurchasing all the things i lost and trying to acclimate to the new environment. things are still not totally stable right now, but they are slowing down, and at this point thats all i can really ask for lol.

so yeah. if u were wondering why i suddenly stopped posting after literal years of posting every day, thats why LMAO

[idontknowmyownmind]

TBOAH Crossover

× ORV

OG!Cale, 40y.o, is transmigrated into earth as his 18y.o self

KDJ and KRS world is the same

2 or 3 years gap between Dokja (older) and Rok Soo (younger)

Cale first met Dokja when he was 7 at the park he frequently visit

They bond over Cale reading a book to Dokja or lend him a book to read beside him

Before the event Dokja killed his dad, his mom asked Cale for a help to take care of Dokja

Idk, the one who kill the dad is the mom while the son is with Cale at that time

Somehow the mom manage to prepared everything so Cale taking in Dokja

Cale doesn't even know about it

Since then, Cale has been taking care of Dokja and give him all the loves he deserves 🥰

Met Rok Soo when he was 6

Rok Soo secretly also hearing Cale reading for Dokja

Cale know but let him be

Until one day he called him over and now their group consist of three people

Rok Soo never starve for to long because Cale make sure he ate as much as he want

He took in Rok Soo first, somewhat make it happen after threatening the bastard uncle

Yes, it's older brother Dokja and younger brother Rok Soo 🥺 Kim brothers

They are not that mess up in the head because Cale make sure they got all the thing they want and deserves, from loves, attention, affection, anything

They are happier and have a more healthy mindset, even though there are some parts that still mess up due to being exposed to trauma at early ages

Apocalypse still happens

They were not together at that time, Dokja in the subway and Rok Soo somewhere else

They met at the 5 or 7 scenario or something

[Oh My God, now they have two sacrifical idiots!!]

I WILL NOT OFF LSY OR CJS, they are alive until the end 😊

Idk why but I want Cale to dissapear or so suddenly become a constellation at the beginning of apocalypse

I'm tired of the angst!! Both babies deserves all the love in the world 😭

[+][+][+][+][+][+][+][+][+][+][+][+][+][+][+][+][+]

× Bungou Stray Dogs

Rok Soo transmigrated in his 20y.o body instead of inside Cale's

A week before Harris village massacre (it still happen)

Hmm... should I make Rok Soo as transmigrator + regressor from LCF too?

Regressor Choi Han and Alver from LCF

Met Choi Han earlier

When Cale 15, he started to hear voices inside his head, 2 voices

It's Dazai and Fyodor lol

My poor baby... having those two mentaly unstable devils when he is unstable himself..

The voices kinda influence him and they can take over his body sometimes

Imagine Cale with those two personalities 😭

Cale as Fyodor will have more connection upperground while Cale as Dazai will be more tune with underground

With those two guidance, Cale will be unstoppable lol

Imagine on both side while you just do your thing without care as long as your family are safe

Since it's Dazai, Cale will form a habit of wearing bandages and something about suicide

And sincw it's Fyodor... world domination at the finest

Everyone think there are three red-hair running amok lol

[+][+][+][+][+][+][+][+][+][+][+][+][+][+][+][+][+]

× Black Butler

Cale made a deal, or contract, with Sebastian when he lost everything in his life for revenge

Rather than joining the army, he became wanderer who hunt down arms wherever they go with the help of his demon butler

The demonic contract seals are in both of his eyes, that's why he wear a blindfold but he still can see clearly

Just.. imagine, Cale standing in front of the tree near Harris Village, where his mother's ancient power was located

And it's when the group of heroes visiting that place for something

They are not shocked by his appearance but by the scattered corpses of arms around while Cale just stood blankly facing the tree

When they want to confront him, they stop because someone seemingly teleported by shadow arrived by Cale's side

They talk about something before the person teleported them somewhere

[ahiddenpath]

Hidden's Life

Hi guys, I started writing a journal on my computer, as typing is a lot faster than pen and paper. I am sharing my first entry.

Content warning: It's about the "should I have a kid" debate, and it's way more political than what I usually post on my digimon blog. It gets into climate change, the financial and emotional cost of child rearing, and is leftist in tone. I am really struggling with this topic, and I welcome input and conversations. If you want to talk about it and we're pals on Discord, please do! I want to hear from as many people as possible.

The tone is bleak, but in a matter-of-fact way, if that makes sense?

So, I took a two week vacation. I was in Vegas for a few days for the first time, then in a cabin on a river. I’m not going to talk about that much here. Instead, I’m going to focus on life.

Whenever I have a few days off in a row with no plans (which is rare), I like to touch base with myself on where I am in life. I guess that’s what I’m doing here.

I will say that I’m feeling a lot more rested/restored by this vacation than I have been from my vacations over the last few years. Travel takes a ton out of me, and I’m sensitive to time zone changes and general shifts in routine. I’m surrounded by career scientists, many without children (aka people with money to travel), so it’s common to feel like I’m “missing out” or “doing it wrong” if I’m not visiting 1-3 international spots per year. It turns out that. Um. I actually really like the river cabin. Japan last year was amazing, but I came back jet lagged, exhausted, sick, and with a foot injury from power walking for 10-14 hours per day for 2 weeks. More chill domestic vacations may be the way.

But anyway, I wanted to write down my thoughts on the future.

I’m not sure if I’ve mentioned it here, so pardon me if I have, but… I’ve been dating my husband since we were 14, and we’ve been married for 11 years, together for 21. For nearly two decades, whenever I asked about children, my husband would shrug and say, “Maybe someday.” This year, for the first time, his answer changed to, “I’d like one child, but I’m not sure if it’s ethical.”

As for me, I’ve never been hit with maternal desire. In my early twenties, I assumed I’d marry my now husband, have kids, and be a stay at home parent. I’m not sure… Why I thought that? Other than that I have no career ambition, and my husband was raised by a stay at home parent. It feels a bit weird to say I lack ambition when I’m a career scientist, but it’s true. I just want to get the most money with the least effort and damage to my physical and mental health. I feel, on some level, I’ve been waiting my whole life for some kind of purpose or desire, but these days… I’m beginning to understand that wanting health and happiness is an amazing goal, and that humans aren’t necessarily meant to find fulfillment from our work. It’s okay if family is your goal! It’s okay if being a hobbit is your goal (being comfy, reading books, taking walks, etc)!

I got my first job when I was 15, I had to get my mom to sign a permission form, lol. I saved all my money and invested it as best I could, which was CDs (at the time they had like a 5% return, and as a teenager I did not really understand investing- that kinda remains true). My mom warned me from early on that she had no money to help me, and my father openly gloated about not being financially responsible for me soon. Like, he’d count down and update me every now and then- only five years until you aren’t my problem anymore, girl! Four years, three, two, one. He apparently still doesn’t understand why I went no contact with him.

I’ve never been laid off or between jobs, just. Working and preparing for a future where I was financially independent since I was 15. So again I wonder. Why??? I thought I would be a stay at home parent, lol! My husband is extremely intelligent, and he graduated straight into a programming job that pays more than I will ever make, so that might have been part of it. But when I got my new job 2 years ago, my package became competitive enough that I now actually… Have a career to lose.

What I’m trying to say here is that I feel conflicted about… everything. Why am I in this job that I don’t like, but I excel at and it pays fairly (or at least, it does since the new job two years ago)? Am I going to do this until I’m in my 60s because capitalism? Do I want a kid? Shouldn’t I know if I want a kid? But then, I can barely scrape together the brain juice to decide what I want for dinner most nights, after spending 8 hrs working and 90 min commuting. Is it any wonder I can’t bring myself to figure out if I want huge life changes or not?

Financially, my husband and I are doing well. We have a house, retirement savings, and we can afford our expenses on my husband’s salary alone. Mine is called upon for things we want, like getting a working shower in the master bathroom this year and the laundry list of smaller home improvements we paid for last year. But when you have a house, there is always more to do. Our roof is probably original to the house, which is 36. If I want our fireplace to work, that will cost at least a few grand. Our heater is too small for the house; if we want to use our finished basement more, we need to replace it with an appropriately sized one.

If I quit now, it will be difficult or impossible to do those things (and by the way, I feel like wanting a correct sized heater, a working master shower, a working fireplace, and a safe roof are not, like, super bougie??? God damn shit’s expensive). (And by the way, I'm aware that HAVING these problems is a privilege, and that is INSANE to me). If I wait too much longer, I’ll be unable to deliver a healthy baby (I’m 35). But if I’m going to have a baby, just one baby, then I want to spend time with them.

Meanwhile, there’s the ethical questions. I’ve searched online for: Is it ethical to have a child during the climate crisis? Interestingly, the hits were mostly about the impact each individual human has on emissions and climate change. Listen, sure, if you really want to be conscientious about it, don’t have more than 2 kids, which keeps your family’s population steady at the micro level. But damn, don’t be guilted out of a family, a totally normal thing, while a few corporations destroy the world for profit and tell you to have fewer babies. God damn! The mythos of the individual’s impact on climate change while companies burn fossil fuels for funsies is some high level con work, holy shit.

I’m not worried about my theoretical kid’s carbon footprint. No man, I’m worried about them having access to clean water, reliable power, food, medicine, and places to live that aren’t storm riddled, underwater, on fire, etc. Oh, and clean air. People who are sensitive to air born pollutants are already dying prematurely, and have been for years. The idea that people think climate change is something you “believe in” like fucking Santa Claus is absolute insanity to me. People are already dying, my brother in Christ.

So like, do I raise and rear this child to die early or have poor quality of life starting now, and rapidly declining? True, humans have literally always faced pressures: plague, economic strife, war, the threat of nuclear fallout, etc. We have babies anyway, partially because we don’t all have education and access to reproductive care, but also because having families is just. A totally normal desire, as is not having them! Having them does have an additional biological push behind it; organisms tend to feel reproductive pressure. It’s evolution’s super fun gift (/sarcasm)! In some ways, having kids feels almost necessary, as it makes people feel hope and desire for a better future. But there must be millions of kiddos existing now, and we’re not doing much to make the world more habitable for them on a global scale.

I want to take a moment to clarify that I am not judging anyone for having children. We should be able to have families. It’s insane that we’re facing these pressures, that so little is being done about it. But as someone who does not have any yet, I find myself grappling with these questions.

So yeah. A.) I’m not sure if I want kids, and my lifestyle does not allow much time or space for reflection. B.) I’m not sure if having children is ethical in the year of our lord 2024. C.) As much as I dislike work, I’m not sure if not working is right for me, either. It’s easy to fall into mental health issues without a structured routine. D.) I have a strong desire for financial security, and it was beaten into me from as far back as I can remember. What will the loss of my income do to my mental health? E.) While we can afford our needs on my husband’s salary, relying on one income is always precarious. Layoffs are a constant threat in tech, and injury, mental health crises, and death can come for anyone. F.) When I was in therapy, my therapist specifically advised me not to stop working and rely on my spouse’s income. I know this is good advice for women, lol! Like, truly, I do get it. My therapist knows about my drive for financial security and my strong support for women. I can say, though, that in 21 years with my husband, he’s never given me reason to doubt him. Not once.

I guess that brings me to another fear of having a kid. Obviously I’m terrified of pregnancy and childbirth, and my country has the worst maternal death rate of the developed world (like… by a long shot). I’m already unhappy with my body and my energy levels; bearing and raising a baby is not. Going. To help. But I’m also worried about the division of labor that goes into childrearing. I’m told Millenial men have made huge strides in combating the deadbeat dad. But when I grew up, every family I knew was held together by the mother. My father worked. He did not do anything else. He didn’t cook, clean, play with or watch the kids, do yard work, make doctor appointments, meet with teachers, shop for the family, chauffeur the kids around, any of it. He didn’t even buy Christmas presents for his own parents, my mom had to do that for him. Most of the households I visited seemed to function the same way. I know my husband wouldn’t do that; hell, as it is, he does more than I do, often in the 90 min per day that I spend commuting. But my understanding is that, when it comes to raising kids, women still take on more of the work on average. And I’m not even sure if I want one, lol!

And the other huge concern is the political scene. If Trump wins in November, or just… Idk, stages a coup or whatever, I… Probably won’t reproduce. As I understand, his proposed administration/Project 2025 is looking to defund public education, continue destroying the planet for the profit of a few people, and generally dismantle everything. I don’t think the country would recover within my childbearing years.

Basically, I don’t know what the hell I want. I suppose I can get another job if I lost the one I have, although I’m told competition is stiff. Once you have a baby, though, you uh… You have a kid, lmao! I admit that I’ve spent a lot of time trying to figure out why one would want a baby. The ‘ol pro/con list isn’t looking too great! Like, babies, okay? The good things (in my mind): as we age, we lose more people. It’s common and understandable to want more people to call your own, especially as we age and as life pulls us further apart from people we knew when we were younger. Some people experience reproductive drives, so there is a driving force. Cons: Pregnancy is body altering and life endangering, children produce a horrific and varied array of fluids, they’re sick all the time and make their parents sick too, daycare costs are a second mortgage for five years in my area, taking them to and from daycare and school around work is next to impossible, they make noises and run around (aka, incompatible with my stimulus issues), and I personally don’t have fond childhood memories or warm feelings about family, thanks to my own difficult upbringing.

This is one of those decisions that doesn’t logic on paper. I’m sure most people would say, “Oh, you don’t use logic for this sort of thing!” But then, like. Uh. What are you doing? I have a coworker who is maybe 15 years older than me who talked to me about people my age not having kids (uninvited, I might add, lmao). She was like, whenever I ask someone your age, they give me all these reasons about money and daycare and the difficulties of navigating work around a family where both parents have full time jobs. You just make it work! You’ll figure it out!

And I remember thinking, Ma’am, your youngest is 12. Daycare didn’t cost $2,000-2,400 per month per kid back then, and mortgages and rent were less. Like, sure, yeah, I’ll just have a kid and feed them hopes and dreams, no problem! Mm, delicious.

I don’t know, man. Sometimes I think about all the folks who will never have kids because they can’t afford them, and I feel so enraged. Or the rising infertility rates as our environment and foods become less healthy and our stress increases. Or I think about the people who have kids but can rarely spend time with them (and desperately want to) because they are trying to get the money they need to take care of them. And then there’s people like me, who are so goddamned tired and overwhelmed by their job that they have no brain space to even… Like… Figure out if they want a kid!

Well, there will be no changes until I see how the election and the possible coup go, so I need to put this down for now.

What a fun sentence.

[souvlakicocaine]

trivia dump abt me. I only did 7 cuz I’m not that interesting

1) I was born rlly underweight n kinda premature I think I was only like 3 lbs. they kept me overnight at the hospital in case I didn’t survive and I had 2 wear dolls’ clothes cuz regular baby clothes were too big. I think it’s bc my mom was anemic + under a lot of stress while pregnant w me

2) I have hyperandrogenism meaning my testosterone is naturally higher than most females. this never made me good at sports lol

3) when I was like 8-9 yrs old my mom had this weird friend that also immigrated here we went 2 her house once and she had a gun and a bunch of books on death. anyway she was obsessed w my mom and stalked us 4 years like spam calling the house following my sister and I from the school bus w her car going 2 my dad’s place of work. I think she was gay 4 my mom

4) despite being born + raised in usa I couldn’t speak english 4 the 1st 5ish yrs of my life and my parents didn’t bother 2 teach me they just kind of enrolled me in fully american preschool and hoped id figure it out. this led 2 tons of bullying from not only the other kids but the teachers. villain backstory fr

5) I’m a pretty good artist I think. I’ve had my works in national competitions. not that I won anything but

6) I once snorted coke a couple feet away from a police officer in barcelona. this was actually my peak and I’ll never b that cool again. the guy that gave it 2 me was rlly annoying n kept trying 2 molest me tho (-_-

7) I’ve made out with a lot of strangers #slut but my body count 4 actual sex is pretty conservative im like if a turbovirgin got fucked