#gorgon kars

[admrlthundrbolt]

Just What I Needed (Gorgon Kars x Chubby Reader)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

He had spent many years in solitude. Only his stray companions to keep him company. Until he stumbles upon a traveling blind woman. How could this new development change a life that was already thought to be fated alone.

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Hi guys, I'm back at it again. I'm finally posting my last installment of the Supernatural Pillar Men series. I can't believe we're at the end! This went in a direction that I didn't plan. But I hope you enjoy it either way.

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Chest heaving, you made your way down the path. Even as the warmth of the sun faded from your back and day turned to night. You wouldnt go back home. Or what you had called your home. You wouldn't be treated like a burden any longer. It wasn't as if you ask to be born this way. It was one thing to be brought into this world without sight. But when time and time again you have dealt with the blatant disrespect of people you had shared a village with. You were done.

The final straw had been the locals trying to force your hand in marriage. You weren't romantically interested in anyone. Let alone a stranger that expected you to only be good for bearing children. It was a blow to your trust in the village.

So here you were, a pack on your back and your walking cane. On your way to the next town. You just hoped you could get through the hills safely. It wasn't that you believed all of the legends. But that didn't mean that you were the type to ignore the warnings of your ancestors.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Kars smiled sweetly down at the squirming squirrel in his hands. “Calm yourself little one. This will only hurt for a moment.” He cooed to the small creature as he rubbed the salve on it's wounds. He had found it in a trap at a nearby stream. The thing was barely old enough to be on it's own. That didn't stop the hunters from setting traps near obvious nesting areas. He scowled as he places the rodent on the floor near a bowl of berries.

Making his through the grotto, he checked up on the other animals. A dog with a missing back leg. A recently hatched clutch of platypus, with no mother to be heard of. An albino snake that never seemed to have all its scales. He always had a rotating door of injured or sick animals. There were even a few that stuck around.

Running a hand along the back of the three legged dog, his smile returned. The brown fur was never out of place. It had a proud nature to it that contrasted it's disability. Almost as if it wouldn’t let a simple thing like one less leg keep it down. He gave another affectionate pat to it's head. “Another gorgeous day, isn’t it Lisa Lisa.” A soft affirming yip came from his furry companion.

He glanced around the room for his foraging bag. Only to pause as he caught his reflection in a pool of water. His snake like hair moving constantly. The patches of scales that littered his body. Long fingers ending in deadly claws. This was a curse he was born into, the birth of a Gorgon. His only relief was that the stone curse didn't affect animals. It was a burden that he had to bear, but the company of the creatures helped. Though that didn’t stop the shadow that loomed over his heart.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Huffing a bit you were elated to hear the flowing stream. You knew it wouldn't be much longer before you made it to town. With a sigh, you turned to the right and counted you steps. It wouldn't do to get lost this far into your journey.

Gathering some water into your palms, you drank heavily. Savoring the cool liquid traveling down your throat. You took a few more handfuls before refilling your water skin. Enjoying the sound of the babbling brook. You didn't realise that someone had happened upon you.

He was surprised to see anyone out this late. It wasn't an impossible thing to see someone out this late. But you had no fire or camp to speak of. Perhaps you were lost? Looking over your features in the pale moonlight, he was intrigued. You were a bounty of soft flesh. Unlike any human he had ever witnessed. Your fingers played with the slow moving current. He was enamored with the sweet smile that laid gently across your face. He shifted a bit to get a better veiw. Unknowingly stepping on a fallen branch, causing a sharp crack to sound out.

You flinched and shot your head towards the sound. He gasped as your eyes met and waited for the inevitable. Averting his gaze, he was confused when the sound of shifting stone didn't fill the air. After a few moments of silence he risked another glance. You were still looking his way and your face was pinched in concentration.

“Is someone there?” There was no quiver in your voice. If there was one thing your Aunt had made certain to teach you. It was that a person who was sure of themselves was harder to intimidate. So even as your heart pounded, you kept a calm appearance.

He had to gather himself to answer you. It had been many years since he had held an actual conversation. It seemed as if his voice had fled from him the moment you spoke. “Yes.” It sounded as breathless as he felt.

Your grip tightened on your walking cane. Straining you ears, you thought you could make out a single person's breathing. It caused your shoulders to realse a bit of tension. It would be easier to escape or defend yourself against one person. Standing you made sure to keep yourself facing the stranger's voice. “Well, I'd love to stay and chat. But I really need to be on my way.”

Anxiety suddenly burst through his chest. He needed you to wait. To talk with him, look at him. Be near him. With an unexpected flurry of speed, he was in front of you. “Wait.” You flinch as his fingers brushed your wrist. It was then that he noticed the walking cane in your hand. Confusion took over his expression, until your eyes met again. They were milky pools that reflected the stars so dreamily. He had only seen this in one other being. A rabbit that had lost the sight in it's left eye, due to an infection.

His proximity was startling. You could have swore that he sounded much further away moments ago. Still, you had to keep your wits about you and your head level. “Why?”

He scrambled for a plausible answer. “I was concerned when I noticed someone without a camp setup. Are you lost?” He was thankful for his quick thinking.

You gave a tight smile at the concern. “I'm not far from my destination, so I felt no need. I only stopped to fill my water skin.”

“Please allow me to offer you lodging for the night. It's not safe for a beautiful young lady such as yourself this late at night.” He tried to cover the desperation in his tone.

You were torn. This was a complete stranger, but it was late. He wasn't wrong about the dangers of traveling at night. “I agree on one condition. You will bring me back to the bridge tomorrow. If you do not swear this to me, then I refuse.”

He nodded. “Yes, I can promise this to you.” Anything to get you to spend even a moment longer with him.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

He lead you through the cave by your warm hand. Enjoying every moment of guiding you around. He insisted that your cane was unnecessary, though you continued to use it. It was a dream to be this close to you. Taking in your scent and pulling you close to get through the thickets of brush.

You on the other hand were a bit unnerved by the strangers constant closeness. Then a thought occurred to you. “I've yet to introduce myself. My name is (Y/N), what might I call you?”

He tingled with anticipation, oh but to hear his name uttered from your sweet lips. “It is Kars, my lady.” You repeated the name and he had to hold back shivers.

Reaching the back chambers, he escorted you to a pile of blankets. Although his home was humble, he had many creatures and treasures filling it. Most things to the fault of hunters. He wouldn't let a single human that harmed his animal friends escape his gaze. If they happen to leave behind their belongings after facing his wrath. Well, it would be irresponsible of him to not utilize the resources.

Sitting down, you were surprised at the cold wet nose touching your hand. Gasping you jolted back a bit. But your surprise passed when an obvious dog whine and another touch of the nose followed. “Oh and who are you?” You smoothed a hand up the nose and onto a head. Which you began to scratch.

He was in awe at your tenderness. The three legged dog settled beside you comfortably. Wagging her tail as you stroked her fur. He was jealous at the attention you were giving the creature. But it did warm his heart to see her immediately take to you. “You should be honored. Lisa Lisa doesn't trust many people. After all she was abandoned at a young age due to her missing leg.”

Your brow furrowed at the information. Then a soft smile graced your beautiful face. “That's OK. I was thought less of for something I couldn't control too.” You scratched behind her ears and was pleased to feel her lean into your touch.

If he found himself anymore endeared to you, he was afraid he might burst. Instead he busied himself with introducing you to the other animals under his care.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Your plans to leave the next day were cut short by a sudden storm. Kars insisted that you stay in his care. Because Gods forbid he let you be harmed by the storm. He would never forgive himself for that.

So you stayed, but you refused to not be useful. With the plethora of healing animals, you could put your skills to use. You had worked at your Aunt's Apothecary as her second set of hands. As much as you loved the woman you couldn't help but hinder a bit of resentment towards her. It was her recent passing that had shifted the relationship you had with the other villagers. Everything had been fine and your skills at were always seen as competent. But it seemed as if the moment she was lowered into the ground, things changed. Gone were their greetings and well wishes. All they had left to give you was there pity and to make sure you were ‘taken care of’. You didn't understand what forcing you into a marriage had to do with any of that. So you decided a contact in the town over was better than the situation you currently found yourself in.

Now you were mending broken wings. Helping mix salves for rashes and cuts. It was familiar work and you were thankful for the distraction. Though it wasn't the only diversion you had been dealing with.

Kars had made it a habit to stay close to you at any opportunity. It was nice to have someone to hand you the ingredients to an ointment. Having to feel your way around a new space was never fun. But his touch seemed to linger and his presence hovered. You mainly chalked it up to his concern of having someone unknown around the animals he cared for. But as time passed you weren't so sure if it was only his protective nature for the creatures.

You would only be here for a while longer. So you tried not to let your mind linger on your subconscious anxieties.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The storms had finally ceased. You were happy to hear the gently breeze and birds chirping sweetly. Packing away your few possessions you hummed and smiled softly.

All the while he was seething while watching you unhappily. You couldn't leave. Abandon him like everyone else. Even Lisa Lisa was avoiding him in his sour mood. Deciding that staying by your side was the more favorable choice. It wasn't fair, the first time someone that he could spend genuine time with. Yet all you wanted was to leave. He had many dark moments where he believed another inconveniences could keep you with him. Then you would turn your soft smile his way. Making his stomach twist uncomfortably at the thought of you being hurt.

So he watched you gather your things. Hoping that you didn't notice the despair in his voice. He took his time leading you back to the bridge. Soaking in your warmth and enjoying when your plush body would brush against his own. Bringing you to the very spot you had met just days ago. He felt a pent up tension within himself. Trying to form words, but your gentle face kept him from begging you to stay.

Running a hand down his muscled arm you found his chilly hand. It always astonished you how cold he always seemed. “Thank you, for everything. I wasn't sure if I would find another kind soul after my Aunt's passing. It was a reprieve I didn't know I needed.” Squeezing his hand, you smiled sadly, releasing the limb. As much as you had been hesitant to go with him. You didn't regret the descion, he had pulled you from a dark place. You owed him a great debt.

He captured your hand again and brought it to his chest. “I should be the one thanking you. You are the first companion I've had for many years. I am grateful for the time we have been able to spend together. I wish that it was for a much longer time. Do not hesitate to return. I am only a call away, say my name and I will be there.” He meant every word and hoped you could feel the sincerity that he burned into them. He would destroy kingdoms, if only to be graced with your presence again.

Your smile widened and you felt a flush coat your cheeks. “I will keep that in mind. If you are sure, I would like to come back.” Your expression lights up suddenly. “I could even bring back a few tonics to help with the animals. If my contact in town takes me on as an apprentice. There is no guarantee, I may be back if there is no room for me. If you'll have me that is.”

He wanted to comfort you, but there was a part of him that hope it was the case. To have you willingly return to him would be miraculous. Instead he chose to reassure you. “You will always be welcome in my home. No matter the time, you are an invited guest.”

You were beaming. After a spirited hug, that Kars had a hard time retreating from. You parted ways.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You were not far from the bridge when he approached you. Well the more accurate term would be ambushed. A hand abruptly gripped your upper arm and squeezed fiercely. The jarring motion made your grind to a quick halt. Your shoulder burned as you faced the assaulter. They were panting heavily and kept your arm in their grasp. “What do you want?” You wanted it to come out more threatening. But it was hard when you weren't even sure who was grabbing you.

“What belongs to me.” You knew that vile voice. The farmer that you were unrightfully promised to. He tossed you to the ground.

You scrambled to find you walking cane. It was a terrifying thought of just how much he set you back. Your heart tightened at the idea of how you could get back on track. Taking a calming breath you realized that panicking would only make the situation worse. So as your fingers grazed the bent top of the cane you relaxed. Standing up, you righted yourself and faced the still panting man. “There in no part of me that belongs to you. I have better things to get to.” Then you turned to try and pick up the sound of the creek you should be near.

Your dismissive tone really rubbed him the wrong way. As you serenely took in your surroundings, he went mad. Who were you to refuse him and disappear without consequences. Well he would see to your punishment. Wrapping his fingers in your hair he yanks you back harshly. “You need to learn your place woman.”

Before another thought could pass through your mind, his name had already left your lips. At a volume you didn't know you were capable. You called for him and pried at the hands fisted in your hair.

It was at this moment that he was glad he had stayed at the bridge. Part of him lamenting your departure. The other half wishing you would come back to him. He hadn't expected you to wail out his name. But there wasn't a power in heaven or hell that could keep him from you.

Taking off in a dead sprint he found you quickly. Seeing the vile man handling in such a way made his blood boil. But he had to release you before he could take care of such a vexing issue. Thankfully he didn't have to wait as Lisa Lisa bounded towards the man.

Her teeth sunk into in calf with ease. “Gah, get off of me you mangy mutt.” He tossed you aside and lunged towards the dog. She darted back and Kars struck. Getting into the man's line of sight, he stopped all movement. In that moment there was not a more satisfying sound than the grating noise of stone grinding against stone. It was music to his ears.

You gasped as a familiar wet nose pressed against your cheek. Tossing your arms around the dog you slumped forward. Kars turned away from the newly formed statue. Without a word he grabbed your cane and scooped your plush body into his arms. Your body stiffened, but relaxed at his words. “You're safe with me dear. I'll make sure of that.” And as he carried you back with Lisa Lisa following diligently. He swore to himself that he would keep you safe. No matter the cost.

[stab-me-mommy]

we all need a yandere dommy mommy sometimes, don't we?

i'm nosferatu. 21, any pronouns. and i really fucking like yanderes.

this means that on this blog, you get to see your favorite characters as a yandere. well, my favorite character, but that's just details.

i write yandere stuff on my other blogs, so i'll just list off fandoms i don't have blogs for.

slashers:

Jason Voorhees (Friday 13th series)

Pamela Voorhees (Friday 13th series)

Freddy Krueger (Nightmare on Elm Street series)

Tiffany Valentine (Child's Play series)

Charles Lee Ray (Child's Play series)

Billy Loomis (Scream)

Stu Macher (Scream)

Pearl (Pearl movie)

Hannibal Lecter (Silence of the Lambs; book/sir Anthony Hopkins version)

Bubba Sawyer (Texas Chainsaw Massacre movies and game)

Drayton Sawyer (Texas Chainsaw Massacre movies and game)

Nubbins Sawyer (Texas Chainsaw Massacre movies and game)

Chop-Top/Robert Sawyer (Texas Chainsaw Massacre movies)

Sissy Sawyer (Texas Chainsaw Massacre game)

Johnny Slaughter (Texas Chainsaw Massacre game)

Ji-woon Hak/The Trickster (Dead by Daylight)

Jason the Toymaker (Creepypasta)

Laughing Jack (Creepypasta)

games:

Karl Heisenberg (Resident Evil: Village)

Allied Mastercomputer (I Have No Mouth And I Must Scream - game version)

Narrator (The Stanley Parable)

Fate (Death and Taxes)

Bigby Wolf (The Wolf Among Us)

Bluebeard (The Wolf Among Us)

Tanner Grayton (Scrutinized)

Ascended Astarion (Baldur's Gate 3)

Cazador Szarr (Baldur's Gate 3)

Raphael (Baldur's Gate 3)

Haarlep (Baldur's Gate 3)

Genji Shimada (Overwatch/Overwatch 2)

Reaper/Gabriel Reyes (Overwatch/Overwatch 2)

Alduin (The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim)

Molag Bal (The Elder Scrolls series)

Mehrunes Dagon (The Elder Scrolls series)

Hermaeus Mora (The Elder Scrolls series)

Hircine (The Elder Scrolls series)

Sanguine (The Elder Scrolls series)

V/Jihyun Kim (Mystic Messenger)

Jumin Han (Mystic Messenger)

707/Saeyoung Kim/Luciel Kim (Mystic Messenger)

Unknown/Ray/Saeran Kim (Mystic Messenger)

Two-Face/Harvey Dent (Batman: Arkham Series)

Il Dottore (Genshin Impact)

anime/manga:

Shuu Tsukiyama (Tokyo Ghoul)

Dio Brando/DIO (JoJo's Bizarre Adventure: Phantom Blood and Stardust Crusaders)

Kars (JoJo's Bizarre Adventure: Battle Tendency)

Light Yagami (Death Note)

L Lawliet (Death Note)

Misa Amane (Death Note)

M/Mihael Keehl (Death Note)

Yato (Noragami)

Asura Kishin (Soul Eater)

Arachne Gorgon (Soul Eater)

Medusa Gorgon (Soul Eater)

Giriko (Soul Eater)

Justin Law (Soul Eater - manga version)

Noah - Greed (Soul Eater)

Noah - Wrath (Soul Eater)

Franken Stein (Soul Eater)

Elf (NANBAKA - version)

animated series/movies/cartoons:

Seraphim (Blood of Zeus)

Zeus (Blood of Zeus)

Hera (Blood of Zeus)

Apollo (Blood of Zeus)

Hades (Justice League Animated)

Asmodeus (Helluva Boss)

Mammon (Helluva Boss)

Valentino (Hazbin Hotel)

Vox (Hazbin Hotel)

Adam (Hazbin Hotel)

Bill Cipher (Gravity Falls)

live series/movies:

Merle Dixon (The Walking Dead)

Daryl Dixon (The Walking Dead, early seasons)

Lucifer Morningstar (Lucifer)

Edward Scissorhands (Edward Scissorhands)

Willy Wonka (Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory)

Jerome Valeska (Gotham)

Jeremiah Valeska (Gotham)

Scarecrow/Jonathan Crane (Gotham)

The Mad Hatter/Jervis Tetch (Gotham)

Penguin/Oswald Cobblepot (Gotham)

The Riddler/Edward Nygma (Gotham)

Victor Zsasz (Gotham)

Barbara Kean (Gotham)

Loki Laufeyson (Avengers 2012)

comics:

The Batman Who Laughs/Bruce Wayne (general concept)

The Grim Knight/Bruce Wayne (general concept)

Batman/Bruce Wayne (general concept)

Owlman/Thomas Wayne Jr. (general concept)

The Joker (general concept)

Harley Quinn/Harleen Quinzel (general concept)

The Hulk/Bruce Banner (general concept)

Superman/Clark Kent (general concept)

Ironman/Tony Stark (general concept)

Deathstroke/Slade Wilson (general concept)

the list most likely will get updated.

[heraxic]

Pt2 and pt3 below

re8 greek myth. au continues. Ethan’s first encounter on the islands (follow-up soon?)

in this au ethan meets the lords in reverse order to the game, having teamed up with karl from the start. Karl keeps him hidden in his domain for months while he heals (karl has remedies against any inflammation/infection in ethans eyes (with how much he gets accosted by warriors all the time he has to know)), they become deeply attached to each other and plan to get revenge over miranda/athena who put them both there.

[stellevatum]

I feel like I talk more about Kar in Byzantium or Monarch for her Halcyon!Verse, mostly because it's where she's most frequent at the time?

Of course Groundbreaker will always be a safe place for her, but she was part of Guiying's crew, the old guard. Everyone there from the Mardets to Junlei herself are descendants of the people she's bonded with, so she's not super close. That's not to say she doesn't visit or care about the Groundbreaker, she does. Not just because it's the last bastion of freedom in Halcyon, she's there frequently to escape her work for the Chairman and to dote on the Chief because she's the closest thing to a family Kar has. (Ruusaan and Tye are still on the Hope; she has made peace that she might not have her sister and brother in law again, but is hopeful to be proven wrong.)

Kar also owns territory on Terra-2, that was her price from the Board to not be with her family and join the Groundbreaker and be their first contact/recon specialist. She's got a fair bit of land for a homestead and an island off the coast of it. It's not too far from the Vale, but Edgewater is still a bit of a trek, and the closest thing to civilization out in those parts. Perfect for a trio of Mandos that just don't want to be bothered to vibe and do their thing.

It's not named, it's left relatively unused because it was meant to be for the three of them to develop. There's a prefab house and the skeleton of a vhett'yaim as well as a kranak, but it's kept in trust for when her family is revived, or all avenues are exhausted and she goes it alone.

After the Hope's revival, Ruusaan turns part of the stead into a clinic. She in particular is fascinated by the Ambrose's work, and collaborates with the Gorgon lab, studying the effects of the Adrena-Time cure and aiding in its later development. The homestead has become sort of a rehabilitation farm where those coming down from the addiction can do so in a non-judgemental way with free housing, food, as well as learn new skills or foster old ones before "graduating" back into the colony.

Tye probably imparts his survivalist knowledge, as a former recon commando, but also serves almost as a Journeyman Protector of that area. Marauders are offered the chance to come clean, but that doesn't mean all of them do, and unfortunately may need to be taken out for the safety of others. Tye usually has this grim task.

Kar of course, has her terraforming and research into helping Halcyon adapt and/or grow food that's viable again. Sharing her research with Doctor Chartrand and vice versa. She also probably extends her work to the agricultural planning on Monarch and helps continue to foster the alliance between MSI and the Iconoclasts. She temporarily takes over the lead role after Welles' passing, but relinquishes it to someone she trusts will keep the spirit of this project alive.

In time she just sort of becomes a figure in the leadership of Halcyon government proper. She is a living reminder that going forward, if they attempt any of this shit again, she'll be there to tear it down.

[nyf-archive]

@vampiyrus asked | 📒

' . . . we fought a gorgon today. I dare say we'd all be dead if it weren't for me being able to have Berlio as our eyes during that fight. Neith, Thoradin, Beldani, and Aizo are all wonderful companions. I think I'd truly be lost without them. Getting through this elemental apocalypse has been exhausting, and I am unsure how I would've gotten through this without their support. My mind is sane from the elemental tied within my soul. Mercy has told me of someone in Kar Darohm who may know how to split myself from this entity, but it may come at a heavy cost. I think it's well worth it. I have not been myself since picking up either the war pick or the trident, so I know I must figure something out soon

. . . Tempest is keeping Callum safe for the time being, so I know there is still people out here who will keep an eye on him should anything happen. We have slain two of the Elemental Princes. Only two remain. Berlio is bound to take this information back to Fidella should we fail in our mission . . . hopefully we can make it out alive. We have already lost Ergo, Locket, and Pakpuck . . . I don't want to lose anyone else on this journey . . . Mystra guide me so that we may return home together . . . '

[candyredterezii]

ok good!! listen. listen listen. greek fuckin mythology stuck, karkat's a lonely gorgon living in self-imposed isolation so he doesn't hurt anyone & rezi's a prophet of delphi. since she can't see he won't turn her to stone 🥺

2021 and im discussing homestuck au's for kar/ezi in my inbox

this is exactly where I'd expect myself to be 8 years ago.

[fortune-fool02]

Listen!!!! Are Pillarmen immune to the gaze of Medusa Gorgon? They literally turn to stone and sleep in stone. Can Medusa Gorgon turn them into stone from which they cannot escape?

.... oh God that's a good question...

I mean, that does make sense that they might be immune due to their ability to become stone...

But then again, Kars became stone in space and couldn't break free....

I NEED ANSWERS!

[moody-blues-requiem]

Halloween Spooktacular poll: full results

For the anon that wanted these numbers, here ya go! I’ve divided it up by part, the ones that are bolded were written as fics. Maybe later I’ll post some of my fav responses to the halloween costume question!

I think I got like 67 responses in total so there’s a lot

PART 1

Jonathan: vampire x6, werewolf, dragon, ghost

Speedwagon: ghost, vampire

None of the answers specified PB Dio and I default him to part 3 so he’s down there

PART 2

Joseph: vampire x2, werewolf, shapeshifter

Caesar: vampire x2

Lisa Lisa: witch

Kars: dragon x2, centaur, tentacle monster, naga

Esidisi: dragon x2

Wham: dragon, naga

Santana: dragon

PART 3

Jotaro: sharkman (mermaid) x3, kitsune, slime

Star Platinum: vampire

Kakyoin: selkie x2

Polnareff: mothman

Avdol: witch, werewolf, ghost

Joseph: siren (specified part 3 Joseph)

Dio: selkie, naga, siren

Vanilla Ice: naga

N’Doul: vampire

PART 4

Kira: siren, vampire

Rohan: mad scientist

Yukako: gorgon

Mikitaka: naga

PART 5 (and PHF)

Giorno: fairy x2, witch x2, werewolf, demon, wendigo

Bruno: zombie x7, witch x4, mothman x2, demon, ghost, succubus, incubus, werewolf, vampire

Abbacchio: witch x2, demon

Narancia: harpy x14, werewolf x2, vampire, succubus

Fugo: naga x10, vampire x4, werewolf, ghoul, ghost

Mista: NO VOTES FOR MISTA!!! STINKY

Trish: witch, siren

Risotto: shapeshifter x3, naga x3, demon x3, mermaid, minotaur, werewolf, dragon

Prosciutto: dullahan x5, vampire, incubus, ghost, werewolf

Illuso: ghost x2, vampire x2, demon, werewolf, witch

Melone: slime x2, ghost x2, octo/mermaid x2, siren, vampire, witch, robot

Ghiaccio: yeti, frost monster, harpy

Formaggio: werewolf, demon

Pesci: swamp monster

Doppio: vampire, werewolf

Diavolo: vampire x5, werewolf

Sheila E: siren x2, succubus

And then we had a couple votes for parts 6 and 7 but those weren’t counted bc I haven’t read those, and some votes for winners from 2 years ago and those weren’t counted either. 

[conceptofzero]

Dio hates Kars high school AU

Pucci has grown used to people lurking behind his locker door, so much so that it’s more surprising to shut the door and find no one waiting for him. It started with just Dio (or occasionally Perla) and had quickly spiraled into all of Dio’s favour friends lurking behind the door, just waiting to spring some question on Pucci. 

He’s not surprised when he shuts the door and finds someone waiting. Pucci is surprised to realize that he doesn’t know who this is. He’s wearing next to nothing, just a shirt that can barely be called a crop-top, and a pair of … shorts? Pucci’s not sure you can rightly call them shorts when there’s so little material there. Pucci would swear that he’s wearing more material in the hair wrap he has on than in the rest of his outfit. All in all, there’s a fairly impressive number of dress-code violations that Pucci’s sure Dio must be itching to beat. 

The guy stares at Pucci. Pucci stares right back, putting it on him to speak first. He’s the one who lurked around the back of Pucci’s locker. 

When it goes on longer than a minute, Pucci decides to opt out of whatever game this is and turns his back on the guy, turning to leave. 

“You are Enrico Pucci.” He says, finally, and Pucci glances over his shoulder back at him. “I’ve been told you take your academic pursuits seriously.” 

Pucci’s eyebrows inch up. “I do.” 

“So do I. You are also enrolled in History 30.” The student states - not asks. Pucci keeps his eyebrows raised. “Mr. Ocasek has issued an assignment that requires us to partner up with students who are not part of our primary class. You will be receiving the same assignment.” 

Pucci’s eyebrows are both up fairly high. This is quite forward. Rather than agree or answer anything he’s not ready to, he asks, “What’s your name?”

“Kars.” He leaves off the last name. Just like another arrogant muscular half-naked person Pucci knows. “My reputation is known.”

It was. Pucci didn’t know a lot, but he knew enough. Kars was another transfer student, this one from Mexico. He had come up with three other boys, all the sons of predominate businessmen from what Pucci understood. The official reason for the transfer was so they could learn English with a flat accent, but being as all of them spoke it flawlessly, it was fairly obvious that some kind of incident had happened. 

He also knew that Kars was a well-rounded student. He and the others played on the soccer team, and Kars’ name tended to show up in the paper attached to various trophies or awards, not all of which were athletic. Pucci also knows that Dio, for reasons he’s never fully explained, hates Kars. Absolutely hates him. 

But he is a good student, and Pucci would rather work with someone who wants to cooperate rather than someone who doesn’t. The last time he was paired up with someone outside his class was with Doppio and the less said about that particular disaster, the better. 

“Well-” Pucci starts to answer when Kars’ eyes flick off of Pucci, and snap above his head, Kars’ expression turning colder and somehow more disdainful. Even before Pucci feels Dio’s broad chest bump against his back, he knows instantly who’s behind him. 

“Kars.” Dio’s voice drips with condescension. 

“Dio.” Kars, meanwhile, has absolutely no tone to his voice at all, and no emotion either. 

They stand there, staring at one another. Pucci realizes fairly quickly that they’re going to be at it all damn day too, and Pucci’s already tired of stare-offs. He decides to cut the gorgon’s knot. “Yes.” He says to Kars, because honestly, he’ll take a partner who knows what they’re doing any day of the week. To Dio, he quickly reaches back to give him a pat. 

“Good.” Kars says, his eyes never leaving Dio. “We will work on it tomorrow, once school ends.” 

Pucci raises an eyebrow. The time works for him, but he’s half tempted to change it, just because he’s being very presumptuous. But that would be stupid and pointless, so - “Of course.” 

Kars and Dio keep staring each other down, until Pucci finally steps out from between them both and briefly hooks his hand around Dio’s wrist long enough to make him look at Pucci - and away from Kars. “You should pick a partner as soon as you can, before anyone worth while partnering with is gone.” 

“I don’t need a partner.” Dio says, eyes on Puci for a few seconds before he looks back over at Kars. But the moment’s gone. Kars seems to be content - or well, maybe not? His face is still completely expressionless - and he leaves without another words. Dio waits until he’s barely out of earshot before he starts speaking. “His reputation is known. A reputation for being the most boring person this school has ever seen. He makes Jonathan look like the life of the party-” 

“How long were you lurking about?” Pucci narrows his eyes. Dio, perhaps realizing that he’s been found out, chooses now to go somewhat silent. He also chooses now to be the time he slides a hand along Pucci’s waist and drags him in close. Pucci flushes and gives him a gentle push. “Stop, we’re in public-”

“All the more reason to be sure everyone knows you’re mine.” Dio all but purrs, and leans right into Pucci’s space. Out of the corner of his eye, he can see Kars watching. That’s- yeah, this is a little much. He gets a hand up to stop Dio before he can put his mouth on Pucci’s throat and leave a mark. Knowing Dio, probably a huge hickey. The hand over Dio’s face does little to deter him, as Dio languidly licks a strip up Pucci’s fingers.

“Down boy.” Pucci says, and thankfully, nothing hits Dio’s berserk button quicker than a dog command. It does mean that Pucci will be listening to Dio’s screed about how dogs are terrible in every way, but that’s still different enough from the endless discussion of Kars that he’ll happily take it. 

[monsterhighs-newstudents]

{V.Creatures Under Cover} Muse Status

This is a list of what my muses will be in this verse. Some remained monsters or humans, while others were changed:

Batgelica Von Flap - Bat Monster turned Human Olivia Pogo - Fresh Water Monster Jaclyn Patch - Pumpkin Princess/Jack o' Lantern Monster turned Human Cybornica Gage - Robot Freeza Winter - Ghost/Yeti Hybrid turned Human Anona Nymous - Anonymous Selena Serpentor - Salt Water Monster turned Human Sona Bolt - Human Helewise Lup - Werewolf Legacy Legion - Centaur turned Human Sabine Sprit - Ghost October Graves - Witch Galaxy Coers - Alien Adrian Harper - Invisible Boy/Dual Nature Hybrid turned Human turned Werewolf Callum Jones - Invisible Boy/Dual Nature Hybrid (Erased when Adrian became Human) Theo Amenaru - Mummy turned Human Tanner Drogo - Ghost turned Human Gwendoyln "Gwen" Drake - Dragon Trish Clops - Triclops Zaiden Cox - Human/Harpey Hybrid Johnathan Kramer - Robot turned Human Charlie - Living Doll Felicity Krueger - Dream Monster Mitchell Myers - Enhanced Human Michelle Myers - Enhanced Human Kylie Krampus - Krampus Josh Voorhees - Human turned Werewolf Joel S. Graves  - Human Anton Vasilios  Vampire Rebel El Esqueleto - Skeleton Jett Maverick - Fresh Water Monster/Leviathan Hybrid turned Human Willow Wisp - Wisp turned Human Reagan Storm  - Human Liam McKnight - Roof Walker Aaron Houston  - Black Eyed Child Zachary Harris - Ghost turned Human Declan Duvalier - Cursed Human Azalea Shaw - Flatwoods Monster     Treasure Carney - Living Marionette turned Human Damian Soulstone - Son of Hades Axel Sark - Android Hisstine Gorgon - Gorgon Beatrix Bumble  - Humanoid Bee Vincent "Vinnie" Sinclair Jr. - Human   Antony "Hotrod" Demarco - Zombie Jordan Shark - Shark Monster Miles Shark - Shark Monster turned Human     Ivy Melia - Dryad   Zaina Akansha - Genie turned Human Raeburn Hallows - Headless Boy Kaida Arian - Chinese Dragon/Wizard Hybrid Corin Firetail - Unicorn/Demon Hybrid turned Human turned Werewolf     Lunaria Starshine - Unicorn   Tim Hanniger - Dual Nature turned Human Crimson Sanguine - Ghost/Daughter of Bloody Mary   Crusher Singe - Human     Boone Crowley - Human     Kyle Warden - Dual Nature (Erased when Tim became Human)   Noah Palmer - Human Chant Coltrane - Unicorn/Centaur Hybrid   Fern Islandsky - Fairy/Pixie Hybrid   Azrael Brecons - Angel/Cyborg Hybrid turned Human   Alphonse Devereaux - Voodoo Shaman/Octomaid Hybrid Breeze Genneo - Alien/Humanoid Butterfly Hybrid turned Human Tauro Coulter - Minotaur/Centaur Hybrid turned Human turned Werewolf Lyra Beetlejuice - Ghost     Nickel Pennywise - Son of Pennywise turned Human   Francis "Frank" Stitch - Frankenstein esque Monster Terry Jarvis - Human     Brandon - Ink Monster turned Human Benny Wolf  - Wolf Ink Monster     Annie Angel Drew - Angel Ink Monster     Clint Clearwater - Invisible Boy   Blaine Mckeever de la Paz - Human   Sid Roadster - Robot   Lilith Brimstone - Demon Valentina Howler - Werewolf   Kleasca Scale - Amazonian Warrior/Siren Hybrid   Globetro ''Glob" Gootierez - Skeleton/Blob Hybrid turned Human   Kar Garrett - Wendigo       Radcliff Cadell - Ghost turned Human   Nicholas "Nic" Santiago - Vampire   Jennifer Dawson "J.D." Levi - Jersey Devil   Angel Black - Witch turned Human   Thorne Knightly - Warlock Colton Krame - Werewolf

[soggycupholder-blog1]

[ „Droga do Łodzi”, „”, „Dla zespołu z Zabrza był dziesiąty występ w finale, który walczył o piąty z rzędu triumfu.

[ „Droga do Łodzi”, „”, „Dla zespołu z Zabrza był dziesiąty występ w finale, który walczył o piąty z rzędu triumfu. ​​Wcześniej w tym roku zdobył trofeum i Radę Państwo musieli finansować nowe trofeum Legia osiągnęła ten etap konkursu już po raz szósty, przed wygrywając cztery razy „” „” aby grać w ŁKS, a Górnik miał wcześniej stadion zrozumieć., Ruch Chorzów, Stal Rzeszów , -ROW ja Rybnik ... zespół Naprzód Rydułtowy, który dał im najwięcej problemów, ponieważ wygrali dopiero po serii kar Legia na drodze do ostatecznego pokonany. Raków Częstochowa, Śląsk Wrocław, Stal Mielec Straż i Olsztyn. Wszystkie te zespoły mają wygra�� bez większych problemów. „” „” Wydajność w finale Warszawie był okazją do poprawy swojej działalności w tłumie, po nieco rozczarowującym sezonie. na wiosnę zespół przejął Lucjan Brychczy - mit klubu z Łazienkowskiej Pomimo wygrania górnika w jego stadium. On nie był w stanie nawiązać z równym walczyć o mistrzostwo „” „” Na wiosnę 1972 roku jako trener wziąłem pierwszego zespołu Legii, prasa pisze, że byłem kierowcą nadaje się do ogólnego przesunięcia samochodu. Wyniki tych drużyn były słabsze niż oczekiwano. Jednakże, zgodnie z tradycją, graliśmy bardzo dobrze w rywalizacji o Puchar Polski, awans do końcowego - Lucjan Brychczy wspominał w swojej biografii „Kitty” „” Zespół kierowany przez Jana Kowalskiego miał kilka punktów przed Legii Zagłębie Sosnowiec i .. zostały one dość spokojna, aby wygrać turniej. Ale oni chcieli wygrać na wszystkich elewacjach i występów rywalami, którzy są najlepsi w kraju. Sympatia fanów mają także swoją kolej, bo Legion, z powodu swojej polityki transferowej, nie była przestrzegana dużo dobroci poza Warszawą. „” „” Starcie tytanów „” „” Śląska największą gwiazdą zespołu był oczywiście Włodzimierz Lubański. Zabawa, elokwentny, pokuśtykał kilka lat piłkarz był ulubieńcem fanów. W swoich ofensywnych partnerów: filigranowy, technicznie genialny Siegfried Jan Banas Szołtysik, który był w stanie zrobić niesamowite ocenę położenia i świetnie przegląd sytuacji. Druga linia może być mniej znane, ale bardzo stanowczo: Lucjan KWASNY, Alojzy Deja i Hubert Skowronek. Środek obrony została zabezpieczona przez legendarnego Stanisław Oślizło i wielkich białych gór, Jerzy Gorgon. Na lewej obronie rządził najwyższego Zygmunt Anczok - jeden z najlepszych w tej pozycji w historii polskiej piłki nożnej, a zaraz Henryk Latocha. Celem wielu latach wielkich notatek zebranych Hubert KOSTKA. „” „” Ten, kto miał do Lubański Miner dla Legii był Kazimierz Deyna. Cichy, spokojny, małomówny i lekko spada w mediach, ale jak czytamy w jego biografii Stefana Szczepłka, geniusz piłki nożnej przed wizyty w niektórych zezwoleń. W ataku Gadoch był Robert, którzy brzęczały w szeregach przeciwnika. Oprócz niego, wobec ofensywy i postanowiła Cypka Tadeusz Tadeusz Nowak, fani śpiewali: Tadeusz Nowak, Legii jest Prometeusz. Deynie druga linia pomógł jeden z najlepszych defensywnych pomocników w Europie - Bernard Blaut i Gerd Müller zwany także Polski Jan Pieszko. Ręka została iddefendita Władysław Stachurski i opuścił Antoni Trzaskowski, wyjątkowo Valient i bez zastrzeżeń. W środku Lucjan Brychczy gra bardzo sensowny zestaw Lesław Ćmikiewicz i Feliks Niedziółka. Piotr Mowlik, który miał grę do zapamiętania przez długi czas, przyszedł w świetle, ale zostawmy to rzeczywiście się dzieje. „ baklazanek blazej

[admrlthundrbolt]

Masterlist

Stranger Things

Straight Through The Heart (Eddie Munson x Chubby Reader)

Jojo's Bizzare Adventure

The Most Beautiful Girl In The World (Okuyasu x Chubby Reader)

One Way Or Another (Selkie N'Doul x Chubby Reader

Voices In My Head (Secco x Chubby Reader)

How Did You Love (Polnareff x Chubby Reader)

Heal The Pain (Dragon Wamuu x Chubby Reader)

Black Magic Woman (Werewolf Santana x Chubby Reader)

Evil Walks (Poltergeist Esidisi x Chubby Reader)

Just What I Needed (Gorgon Kars x Chubby Reader)

Believer (Gargoyle Risotto x Chubby Reader)

Resident Alien

Warm Heart Pastry (Harry x Chubby Reader)

One-Punch Man

Love is a Battlefield (Garou x Chubby Reader)

Holding Out For A Hero (Mumen Rider x Chubby Reader)

Elevate (King x Chubby Reader)

Bullet Train

Apple Blossom (Lemon x Chubby Reader x Tangerine)

Stayin' Alive (Ladybug x Chubby Reader

Resident Evil

Your Love Could Start a War (Lady Dimitrescu x Cubby Reader)

New Future Weapon (Mutant Wesker x Chubby Reader)

Encanto

Dance Macabre (Bruno x Chubby Reader)

Harley Quinn

Have Faith In Me (Bane x Chubby Reader)

Overwatch

You Dropped A Bomb On Me (Junkrat x Chubby Reader)

The Road to El Dorado

I Put A Spell On You (Tzekel-Kan x Chubby Reader)

Camp Camp

Perfect World (David x Cubby Reader)

Spider-Man

Ashes (Norman Osborn x Chubby Reader)

Emperor's New Clothes (Doc Ock x Chubby Reader)

Firefly

Wait A Minute My Girl (Jayne x Chubby Reader)

Scream

You Spin Me Round (Billy x Chubby Reader x Stu)

Naruto

Sweet Tooth (Iruka x Chubby Reader)

Batman

Leather and Lace (Killer Croc x Chubby Reader)

Friday the 13th

Die To Live (Jason Vorhees x Chubby Reader)

Hunter X Hunter

Do It All The Time (Hisoka x Chubby Reader x Illumi)

Drag Me Down(Minotaur Uvogin x Chubby Reader)

Guardians of the Galaxy

Edge Of Midnight (Nebula x Chubby Reader)

What We Do in the Shadows

Under The Graveyard (Petyr x Chubby Reader)

Alone Together (Nandor the Relentless x Chubby Reader)

Inglorious Bastards

Some Nights (Hugo Stiglitz x Chubby Reader)

Halloween

Popular Monster (Demon Michael Myers x Chubby Reader)

Pokemon

Electric Love (Guzma x Chubby Reader)

Arcane

Reckless Paradise (Silco x Chubby Reader)

Terminator

One Of Those Days (Sarah Conner x Chubby Reader)

Mad Max

Radioactive (Furiosa x Chubby Reader)

Mario Bros

Love From The Other Side (Bowser x Chubby Reader)

Jeepers Creepers

Centuries (Jeepers Creepers x Chubby Reader)

Halloweentown

Tongue Tied (Luke x Chubby Reader)

Venom

Run Run Run (Eddie x Chubby Reader x Venom)

Stardew Valley

Therapy (Harvey x Chubby Reader)

Blue Eye Samurai

Prisoner (Mizu x Chubby Reader)

[robertkstone]

Pucker Up: The 2017 Concours d’Lemons

Smack in the middle of the Pebble Beach Concours d’Elegance, the most prestigious car show in the world, is the Concours d’Lemons—the worst car show on earth. At this event of miscreants, bribery is all part of the deal. It’s no secret that Alan Galbraith and Tom Studdard, co-founders and guys who run the less-than-illustrious event, encourage judicial enticements.

In its ninth year, the Concours d’Lemons at Monterey Car Week is as unhealthy as ever. What started out nine years ago as 40 hideous cars gathered to counter the snooty perfectness of the Pebble Beach Concours d’Elegance has turned into quite a Gorgon of 120 cars vying for best of the worst.

“Next year we maybe have to be a bit more discerning, meaning if you register first you’re in,” explained Galbraith when asked about the ballooning number of entrants and spectators.

Judges came from all corners of the automotive world this year. Journalists, a NASCAR announcer, plus automotive restorers to photographers came to deeply question how these sad participants had the gall to bring their awful automobiles out in public and hopefully get some good free stuff.

“Owners get your cars and your bribes ready,” Studdard called out over the sound system just as judging started. With twelve categories to critique, with names like Kommunist Kars and Rust Belt American Junk, judges slithered out into the crowd, cheap Office Depot clipboards in hand.

NASCAR announcer Mike Joy and John Nikas, marketing director at Moss Motors and British car collector, asked an Aston Martin DB5 owner what on earth qualified his car to be here. His answer was simple. “The constant oil slick is standard, and the first time I drove this thing, the brakes burst into flames,” the owner explained. “British sports car gospel, oil slick, and burst into flames,” Nikas agreed, but still way too good to win. Also, not a bribe in sight. Oh, the British may never learn.

Mike Musto and Jonny Lieberman, hosts of Motor Trend On Demand’s House of Muscle and Head2Head, respectively, were in charge of judging the GM category. From an Opel that Musto declared, “the wiring looks like Ray Charles did it with his feet” to a Chevy Blazer, which eventually won its category, that Lieberman claimed was a “proper pile of shit,” this category was ripe with stinkers. While there was no cheap alcohol offered up to the illustrious judges large sums of counterfeit money did exchange hands.

While the Italian class was only comprised of two entries, a Pinin Farina Fiat Spider and a 1981 Alfa Romeo GTV6, automotive photographer Evan Klein expertly judged the category with his white gloves on. He definitely scored the best bribes with hats and T-shirts. And, surprise, the Fiat owners who doled them out went on to win the category. Shocker.

Vu Nguyen, co-judge of the German category and president of the Porsche Club of America, may have been the benefactor of the most bribes with a backpack full of Budweiser’s, a pack of Mentos and a hot dog.

Sponsored by classic car insurance juggernaut Hagerty, though we doubt most of these cars are either uninsurable or not worth more than $20, the Lemons car show is a fan favorite. The only thing that’s going sour here are the cars.

<img width="150" height="113" src="http://ift.tt/2wuXVnL

from PerformanceJunk Feed http://ift.tt/2v4LZp0 via IFTTT

from PerformanceJunk WP Feed 3 http://ift.tt/2uWbc9j via IFTTT

[jesusvasser]

Pucker Up: The 2017 Concours d’Lemons

Smack in the middle of the Pebble Beach Concours d’Elegance, the most prestigious car show in the world, is the Concours d’Lemons—the worst car show on earth. At this event of miscreants, bribery is all part of the deal. It’s no secret that Alan Galbraith and Tom Studdard, co-founders and guys who run the less-than-illustrious event, encourage judicial enticements.

In its ninth year, the Concours d’Lemons at Monterey Car Week is as unhealthy as ever. What started out nine years ago as 40 hideous cars gathered to counter the snooty perfectness of the Pebble Beach Concours d’Elegance has turned into quite a Gorgon of 120 cars vying for best of the worst.

“Next year we maybe have to be a bit more discerning, meaning if you register first you’re in,” explained Galbraith when asked about the ballooning number of entrants and spectators.

Judges came from all corners of the automotive world this year. Journalists, a NASCAR announcer, plus automotive restorers to photographers came to deeply question how these sad participants had the gall to bring their awful automobiles out in public and hopefully get some good free stuff.

“Owners get your cars and your bribes ready,” Studdard called out over the sound system just as judging started. With twelve categories to critique, with names like Kommunist Kars and Rust Belt American Junk, judges slithered out into the crowd, cheap Office Depot clipboards in hand.

NASCAR announcer Mike Joy and John Nikas, marketing director at Moss Motors and British car collector, asked an Aston Martin DB5 owner what on earth qualified his car to be here. His answer was simple. “The constant oil slick is standard, and the first time I drove this thing, the brakes burst into flames,” the owner explained. “British sports car gospel, oil slick, and burst into flames,” Nikas agreed, but still way too good to win. Also, not a bribe in sight. Oh, the British may never learn.

Mike Musto and Jonny Lieberman, hosts of Motor Trend On Demand’s House of Muscle and Head2Head, respectively, were in charge of judging the GM category. From an Opel that Musto declared, “the wiring looks like Ray Charles did it with his feet” to a Chevy Blazer, which eventually won its category, that Lieberman claimed was a “proper pile of shit,” this category was ripe with stinkers. While there was no cheap alcohol offered up to the illustrious judges large sums of counterfeit money did exchange hands.

While the Italian class was only comprised of two entries, a Pinin Farina Fiat Spider and a 1981 Alfa Romeo GTV6, automotive photographer Evan Klein expertly judged the category with his white gloves on. He definitely scored the best bribes with hats and T-shirts. And, surprise, the Fiat owners who doled them out went on to win the category. Shocker.

Vu Nguyen, co-judge of the German category and president of the Porsche Club of America, may have been the benefactor of the most bribes with a backpack full of Budweiser’s, a pack of Mentos and a hot dog.

Sponsored by classic car insurance juggernaut Hagerty, though we doubt most of these cars are either uninsurable or not worth more than $20, the Lemons car show is a fan favorite. The only thing that’s going sour here are the cars.

<img width="150" height="113" src="http://ift.tt/2wuXVnL

from PerformanceJunk Feed http://ift.tt/2v4LZp0 via IFTTT

from Performance Junk WP Feed 4 http://ift.tt/2uWbc9j via IFTTT

[eddiejpoplar]

Pucker Up: The 2017 Concours d’Lemons

Smack in the middle of the Pebble Beach Concours d’Elegance, the most prestigious car show in the world, is the Concours d’Lemons—the worst car show on earth. At this event of miscreants, bribery is all part of the deal. It’s no secret that Alan Galbraith and Tom Studdard, co-founders and guys who run the less-than-illustrious event, encourage judicial enticements.

In its ninth year, the Concours d’Lemons at Monterey Car Week is as unhealthy as ever. What started out nine years ago as 40 hideous cars gathered to counter the snooty perfectness of the Pebble Beach Concours d’Elegance has turned into quite a Gorgon of 120 cars vying for best of the worst.

“Next year we maybe have to be a bit more discerning, meaning if you register first you’re in,” explained Galbraith when asked about the ballooning number of entrants and spectators.

Judges came from all corners of the automotive world this year. Journalists, a NASCAR announcer, plus automotive restorers to photographers came to deeply question how these sad participants had the gall to bring their awful automobiles out in public and hopefully get some good free stuff.

“Owners get your cars and your bribes ready,” Studdard called out over the sound system just as judging started. With twelve categories to critique, with names like Kommunist Kars and Rust Belt American Junk, judges slithered out into the crowd, cheap Office Depot clipboards in hand.

NASCAR announcer Mike Joy and John Nikas, marketing director at Moss Motors and British car collector, asked an Aston Martin DB5 owner what on earth qualified his car to be here. His answer was simple. “The constant oil slick is standard, and the first time I drove this thing, the brakes burst into flames,” the owner explained. “British sports car gospel, oil slick, and burst into flames,” Nikas agreed, but still way too good to win. Also, not a bribe in sight. Oh, the British may never learn.

Mike Musto and Jonny Lieberman, hosts of Motor Trend On Demand’s House of Muscle and Head2Head, respectively, were in charge of judging the GM category. From an Opel that Musto declared, “the wiring looks like Ray Charles did it with his feet” to a Chevy Blazer, which eventually won its category, that Lieberman claimed was a “proper pile of shit,” this category was ripe with stinkers. While there was no cheap alcohol offered up to the illustrious judges large sums of counterfeit money did exchange hands.

While the Italian class was only comprised of two entries, a Pinin Farina Fiat Spider and a 1981 Alfa Romeo GTV6, automotive photographer Evan Klein expertly judged the category with his white gloves on. He definitely scored the best bribes with hats and T-shirts. And, surprise, the Fiat owners who doled them out went on to win the category. Shocker.

Vu Nguyen, co-judge of the German category and president of the Porsche Club of America, may have been the benefactor of the most bribes with a backpack full of Budweiser’s, a pack of Mentos and a hot dog.

Sponsored by classic car insurance juggernaut Hagerty, though we doubt most of these cars are either uninsurable or not worth more than $20, the Lemons car show is a fan favorite. The only thing that’s going sour here are the cars.

IFTTT

[jonathanbelloblog]

Pucker Up: The 2017 Concours d’Lemons

Smack in the middle of the Pebble Beach Concours d’Elegance, the most prestigious car show in the world, is the Concours d’Lemons—the worst car show on earth. At this event of miscreants, bribery is all part of the deal. It’s no secret that Alan Galbraith and Tom Studdard, co-founders and guys who run the less-than-illustrious event, encourage judicial enticements.

In its ninth year, the Concours d’Lemons at Monterey Car Week is as unhealthy as ever. What started out nine years ago as 40 hideous cars gathered to counter the snooty perfectness of the Pebble Beach Concours d’Elegance has turned into quite a Gorgon of 120 cars vying for best of the worst.

“Next year we maybe have to be a bit more discerning, meaning if you register first you’re in,” explained Galbraith when asked about the ballooning number of entrants and spectators.

Judges came from all corners of the automotive world this year. Journalists, a NASCAR announcer, plus automotive restorers to photographers came to deeply question how these sad participants had the gall to bring their awful automobiles out in public and hopefully get some good free stuff.

“Owners get your cars and your bribes ready,” Studdard called out over the sound system just as judging started. With twelve categories to critique, with names like Kommunist Kars and Rust Belt American Junk, judges slithered out into the crowd, cheap Office Depot clipboards in hand.

NASCAR announcer Mike Joy and John Nikas, marketing director at Moss Motors and British car collector, asked an Aston Martin DB5 owner what on earth qualified his car to be here. His answer was simple. “The constant oil slick is standard, and the first time I drove this thing, the brakes burst into flames,” the owner explained. “British sports car gospel, oil slick, and burst into flames,” Nikas agreed, but still way too good to win. Also, not a bribe in sight. Oh, the British may never learn.

Mike Musto and Jonny Lieberman, hosts of Motor Trend On Demand’s House of Muscle and Head2Head, respectively, were in charge of judging the GM category. From an Opel that Musto declared, “the wiring looks like Ray Charles did it with his feet” to a Chevy Blazer, which eventually won its category, that Lieberman claimed was a “proper pile of shit,” this category was ripe with stinkers. While there was no cheap alcohol offered up to the illustrious judges large sums of counterfeit money did exchange hands.

While the Italian class was only comprised of two entries, a Pinin Farina Fiat Spider and a 1981 Alfa Romeo GTV6, automotive photographer Evan Klein expertly judged the category with his white gloves on. He definitely scored the best bribes with hats and T-shirts. And, surprise, the Fiat owners who doled them out went on to win the category. Shocker.

Vu Nguyen, co-judge of the German category and president of the Porsche Club of America, may have been the benefactor of the most bribes with a backpack full of Budweiser’s, a pack of Mentos and a hot dog.

Sponsored by classic car insurance juggernaut Hagerty, though we doubt most of these cars are either uninsurable or not worth more than $20, the Lemons car show is a fan favorite. The only thing that’s going sour here are the cars.

IFTTT