#goodbyedad

[liferoaming]

For My Father: Losing A Parent During A Global Pandemic...On The Other Side Of The World.

During the weeks leading up to my father’s death, I searched endlessly for articles or blog entries on losing a parent during a global pandemic when living abroad. I never found anything. I was just looking for that connection to help me cope, or having something to help me understand what I was supposed to feel.

I feel that I needed to write this blog entry to find my way to come to terms with the sadness, the loneliness and the goodbye that I never had.

I am currently supposed to be in Dalat. It was my reward for the constant hard work from teaching without a break, the year I have been through and the sleep deprivation I have endlessly experienced. However, Ho Chi Minh City is currently on lockdown and it isn’t safe to travel. I decided to stay in HCMC over the Têt holiday, without getting that break we all so rightly deserved. Dalat was for my time to think, be alone, grieve some more and come to terms with everything that has happened in this past year.

In the weeks leading up to my father’s death, I slowly watched him deteriorate via FaceTime. Moving in and out of consciousness, when just a few weeks before he was chatting and laughing. He would always cry when he saw Yuki, he would always cry when he had to say goodbye to me. He would also cry and ask: “when will all this end?” (Meaning Covid).

My father had cancer. He had survived it before, but when it returned there was nothing more that they could do. It’s not quick...it’s slow. It takes a long time, he deteriorated, could no longer open his eyes or even take a drink.

I think it was about two weeks before my father passed that I couldn’t watch him anymore on FaceTime. My sister would hold the phone and I would say something, I could sometimes hear a grunt but not much else towards the end.

People said, “oh why are you here? Why don’t you go home?” People live in a fantasy world. The stress of getting Covid tests, never mind the costs of flights, not knowing when I could get a return and the cost of a return flight too. The cost of quarantine when eventually re-entering Vietnam, having no pay for months possibly, giving up Yuki for months, giving up my apartment...where does all my stuff go? It isn’t that simple anymore, not during Covid times. I really wished people would stop and think before they said “oh, can’t you go home?” It isn’t an option for everyone.

So as the guilt and loneliness starts to sneak in...you find out who your friends are. Those that aren’t supportive or don’t just send a little message: “are you ok?” But then you have those friends that buy you flowers and a journal, or that friend who lives on the other side of the world and phones you every single day.

I worked all the way up to my father’s death. It’s different in Asia to the western world, I feel that you are just supposed to get on with it. Don’t expect co-workers to ask you how you are, or if you are managing, it won’t happen. I worked on the day my father was actually dying. I woke up on the Saturday morning to missed calls and found out he had passed.

I got three days compassionate leave and I was back in work. During those three days, I was extremely ill. Weak, shivering, aching. I tried to eat. I spent my days watching film after film. I would wake up in my sleep from crying. This was the toughest time for me, I felt completely alone.

My father’s funeral wasn’t until two weeks later, after Christmas. I couldn’t even get closure from it until he got put to rest. I watched his funeral via FaceTime on my phone, I couldn’t hear what the vicar was saying but I could hear the music being played. It was a short funeral but I got nothing from it...I just felt empty. The next morning I had a parent’s meeting at a school. Life goes on here.

My father’s last few months was spent in my parents bedroom. He could never leave because of Covid. He never got to see outside again, to walk around his garden or go for a ride in his car. He was a prisoner in his own home. This silent war has put us through experiences we have all never thought possible - boredom, depression, loneliness, anxiety and disconnection. This silent war has took away the dignity from those dying, it has taken away rights to how they wish to spend their last moments. This silent war has taken away life itself.

This is what it’s like to lose your parent during a pandemic on the other side of the world. No one tells you about the sleep deprivation, the waking up in the night and not being able to get back to sleep. The difficulty when trying to eat or being able to enjoy yourself. I had to hold back the tears as I would try to teach. Death is always hard but this was tough, really tough. I will always think of the positive times with my father but I will always have missed out on that grieving process with family. I don’t expect anyone to read this but if it helps me heal then that is all that matters.

Thank you for reading, stay safe.

[dhb912]

Hello everyone. I'm back from this social media hiatus I myself took instead of the #Blackout the whole world did since last Tuesday. But this is different in my case. On Sunday morning, June 6th, my father passed away from a house accident of which as of now I am unsure what the cause was. I would like to encourage you all to tell your loved ones that you love them every day. And after the protests quiet down, I only have one question: Do i still matter? #goodbyedad #byedad #ripdad #ripDHBSr #istillmatter? https://www.instagram.com/p/CBLLidvD--V/?igshid=195qdsee1xfnk

[guenthergroup]

Goodbye Big Gun or Big Jim. Stood 6 foot six back in the day and lived larger than life. He lived nearly 88 years of what could only be described as a very good life. He instilled in me my love of boats, Northwest seafood, politics, skiing. So much. This is him enjoying the boat with me in early October. After his recent hospital stay, just a few days ago we were talking about him keeping up with his occupational therapy so he would have no problem getting in and out of the boat this coming season. I loved you, Dad. I’ll miss you. . . *** #deathsucks #goodbyedad #largerthanlife #agoodlife #happytravels #oldboatersneverdie (at Filucy Bay, Puget Sound, WA) https://www.instagram.com/p/CoB1r79OTYr/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

[missaxe27]

I had a dream last night that ended as a nightmare, but that's ok because I needed to mourn you.

[mentes-confundidas]

29/Diciembre/2020

El 12 de mayo del 2020 recibimos noticia que mi tío, que más que eso fue mi padre por mucho tiempo había perdido la vida. Continúe, quise avanzar junto con mi padre biol��gico, y desde el 14 de mayo hasta el 23 de Diciembre estuvimos juntos, ¿por qué? Porque el 23 de Diciembre, hace 1 semana... Nos notificaron que mi padre había fallecido. Fueron 7 meses llenos de comunicación, llenos de afecto, llenos de amor... Voy a extrañar las llamadas y más que eso, voy a extrañar las navidades a tu lado.

Fallé con la Universidad pero hoy hago promesa de que voy a quedar y no sólo Dana será profesional, te sentirás orgulloso de tener dos hijas profesionales. Te amo y te mando un beso a ti y a mi tío, mando besos y amor hasta el cielo.

[riratalk]

It’s over...

It’s finally over. Today was such a whirlwind. It started out like every other day this passed week; wake up and head to the hospital to see my step-father. His condition had worsened, so we were taking shifts staying overnight with him. Unfortunately I woke up without a voice this morning, so I decided to hang out in the emergency wing while family visited. Four hours passed, and I wandered back and forth between his room and the waiting room. Begrudgingly, I left my mother alone in the room and returned in time to finally see the doctor. She tells me that given my situation, if I do indeed have strep then I should definitely take medication as my stress levels are too high for my immune system to be able to fight off any virus I may have. I thanked her, not only for her advice but for everything she’s done for my step-father as she took him as her patient when he was admitted. And went on my way.

As I made my way back to the room, my heart stopped as I saw the door was closed. And through the tiny window, the lights had been turned off. I stared a moment and hoped that either no one was in my room, or that my mom at least wasn’t alone. I knocked gently and heard a faint voice say come in. As I entered the room, my heart sank to the floor as my mother sat alone in the dark room. Slowly my eyes trailed to the hand she held, and the stillness that uncomfortably filled the room. What felt like seconds passed, and I felt my stomach churn as I realized my mother saw him pass. I will never forget that image... As I sit here, not 5 feet from where he wanted to pass(at home in his living room), I still don’t think I understand what happened. After everyone said their goodbyes, we all came to the house to start the grueling task of letting the rest of the family know. After that we sat around and talked, laughing more than we had in a while. At times I forgot why we were all gathered, and at times I felt as though we were betraying his memory by laughing. But then I remembered what kind of man my father was, and how he loved to have fun. There’s no way he’d have wanted us to spend all this time crying. We cracked open his remaining beers and drank to his memory.

My mom has finally gone to bed, but I know she won’t sleep well. She’ll probably cry herself into a restless slumber. And tomorrow is going to be even harder. Every day for the next year will be difficult. And I’m very worried about her... But that’s for another night, I’m exhausted and I should sleep. This has been an exhausting day all around...

[koloheboy808]

Dad I know you are flying with Angels. Thank you so much for all of your love and support. Please be our angel and watch over us. I love you always and forever. Until we meet again. . . . . . . . Gear Used @sonyalpha A7III Camera @tamronusa 28-75mm f/2.8 Di III RXD Lens @hoyafilterusa Red Intensifier @cokinusa Nuances Extreme GND ND16 (soft 4-stop) and EVO Circular Polarizer and EVO filter holder system @siruiusa A-1205 Tripod . . . . . . #koloheboyfoto #cokincreative #trustcokin #siruiimaging #hnnsunrise #flywithangels #skyporn #imissyoudad #gonetoosoon #ig_eternity #lovelyearth_shotz #travelphotography #global_creatives #goodbyedad #iloveyoudad #pchhawaiiphoto #procamerahawaii #sky_brilliance #sky_sultans #earth #ig_myshots #colors_of_day #sky_painters #landscapestyles_gf #wanderlust #sunset #depthsofearth #splendid_earth #photogram (at Honolulu Hawaiii) https://www.instagram.com/p/B5bwQSpj162/?igshid=1q0glq9r1e5ub

[aslamfrd-blog]

Ayah, Ceritaku Belum lagi Selesai, tapi engkau sudah beranjak Pergi, haruskah aku menutup buku? . . . #iloveyoudad #imissyoudad #ayah #ayahkupahlawanku #almarhumayah #goodbyedad #imissdaddy

[motherearthastrology]

. Last night (here in Brisbane), as the Moon🌙 made her way through the final degrees of Aquarius♒️, my Dad began his sudden and unexpected transition to wherever it is we go when we leave our bodies . ... and as the Moon🌙 gently slipped into Pisces♓️ she took his gentle, caring soul with her into the vast unknown… . Surrounded by family; his beloved music🎼 playing in the background💕 . Jupiter and Uranus were active in his chart and I can only hope✨🙏🏻 that he’s found the freedom and expansion that these two planets can denote in his new-found transformation🦋 (My Dad was diagnosed with Altzheimers 11 1/2 years ago💧) . I’m told that he took his final breath🌬to Queen’s ‘Don’t stop me now’🎼 . ... and that he gave a big smile as he headed on his way, so that’s certainly promising💝… . Pisces energy♓️✨ can bring release, letting go and surrender along with increased compassion, sensitivity😰 and the sense of oneness✨ . Pisces♓️ also asks that we go with the flow, as it subtly attunes us to the magic and mystery🌌 of life. . I have no doubt that Divine intervention💫 played a part in my winning my trip✈️ to England (taken a mere 12 weeks ago) and I am feeling so grateful and blessed✨💖 that I got to see my Dad and touch his beautiful face one last time before he moved on. . I was privileged to be raised as his daughter and I know that the World✨ where he now resides is better for his presence. . May you hold your loved ones close this Christmas🎄and find time to contemplate and re-remember cherished and dearly-held memories of times passed 💕 . #GoodbyeDad #LoveKnowsNoBoundaries #Family #MyDad💞 #MysteryOfLife #FeelingBlessed #AVeryEmotionalChristmas🎄#ForeverInMyHeart

[gonomadtravelposts]

Tweeted

Nathaniel Hartshorne, Making Plans to Remember Him https://t.co/A0MVM4NMjN #goodbyedad #nathanielhartshorne

— GoNOMAD.com Travel (@GoNOMAD) March 31, 2018

[thisiswherewerise]

DAY 11: #runbabyrun30daychallenge MORNING MADNESS. My Father taught me to have faith. #Faith is the essential ingredient, little can be achieved without it. #goodbyedad #thebest #agoodman #homegoing #goodbye #excellentspirit #determination #better #hope #live #life #love #fit #run #fitness #goodmorning

[ayearoferewhon]

#Repost @primallifehawaii ・・・ Taking my father's ashes to Deep Creek Hot Springs in California on the pacific crest trail. This was one of his final wishes. Great hike and a beautiful location for his final resting place. #finalrestingplace #spreadingashes #deepcreekhotsprings #barefootsandals #mindfulness #goodbyedad #hike #hikingadventures #hikingcalifornia #pacificcresttrail #adventure @earthrunners

[eedesboldogsaag]

“-apa csak egy van”…hmm,rosszabb helyeken egy sincs. #sadbuttrue

[anderson1939]

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A post shared by Bryan Anderson (@anderson1939)

Yep, #GMorning y'all, today's the funeral , it's extremely hard to say goodbye to the one person that you really care, love and beyond . Still it's time to say goodbye for the last time . #GoodbyeDad . (at Pine Hills- West Orange County)

[kananipup]

Receiving Grandpa's flag #goodbyedad #militaryhonors #dadandmom #togetheragain #justbreathe (at Hawaii State Veteran Cemetary)