#goodbye everyone its been a good run but its time for me to get th fuck outta here

[spoiledleaff]

Why did you disappear for so long?? I feel like you abandoned your blog and friends and stuff for a bit lol Are you okay??

sure. let's talk about this :) i've had a lot of asks lately asking if i was okay during my hiatus//if i'm okay now that i'm trying to make an effort to come back, and, the short answer is no. i'm not.

i was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder (bpd).

cw :: massive vent + personal, medical talk regarding my mental health and thought process. honestly just a lot of oversharing, because i don't have an outlet for this irl, haha! for all intents + purposes, everything below this line is a trauma-dump. please take care of yourself.

for unnecessary context, haha! i went on a hiatus for about half a year, abandoned this blog, destroyed many old wips and interactions i had with the ghost fandom + distanced myself from the friends i've made on this site through ao3 and/or tumblr with no context or goodbyes. my mental health was, and continues to be, in shambles.

i had a homelessness scare + a series of bad physical health scares that almost led me to a brain cancer diagnosis, so... that was fun, haha. but this is probably the main thing.

borderline personality disorder (bpd) is a mental health condition that mainly affects people through extreme mood swings, unstable relationships, trouble controlling their emotions, + often times self-destructive behavior. one of the main symptoms that most people with bpd suffer is fear/perception of abandonment + a constant feeling of emptiness. in addition to this, i have a deeply ingrained socially anxious mindset + i am neurodivergent.

it runs in my family. and, apparently, its running its course through me as well, haha.

i am exhausted. i find myself stuck in an endless cycle, especially on this site, where i am so incredibly excited to interact with the people i've been fortunately enough to find on this site through my work but i distance myself almost immediately when i worry that i start to get too close to someone.

i am so afraid of being abandoned/left behind, that i would rather abandon someone else and disappear.

as a side effect of my bpd, i mainly struggle with paranoia, disassociation, a short temper, feelings of emptiness + an unreliable self-image.

this, unfortunately, affects my relationships here a lot.

i hate my work. i hate myself. sometimes i even hate my friends and then that always spirals into hating their friends, even if it's people who i know are lovely or i have never even fucking met before. i hate this site + ao3, i hate my fandoms, i hate this blog, and i sometimes find myself hating everyone and everything i've ever known and seen. it's a constant cycle of hatred followed by an emptiness that my work will never be good enough, my friendships will never be good enough, my stories will never be good enough, and i will never be good enough. i rarely find joy in these things anymore.

i find myself so desperate + anxious for a little bit of positive social interaction that i overthink every possible scenario, panic, and then vaguely cut ties before i think the other person will.

i cannot begin to describe to you the constant debate i have with myself about whether or not i should delete this blog, permanently remove everything and anything i've ever written on ao3, before inevitably trying to start anew with maybe another penname, another account.

but i've always liked routine. calling myself some variation of 'leaff' on the internet is a part of that. i don't know what else to call myself—people would know it's me.

i'd really like that. i'd fucking hate it too.

so, i've distanced myself from the fandoms + from the people who interact with my content. i do the bare minimum with friends, and sometimes not even that. i ghost people always, worry about what to say next to the point that i've genuinely convinced myself that i've responded, i do the bare minimum, wash, rinse, repeat.

i post my shit, giggle about this and debate about that, disappear for a bit, before inevitably coming back.

i do enjoy the work that i do, sometimes i'm even proud of it. but it's such an inconsistent whirlwind in my mind that i find myself hating it all just as a default.

if you're someone who has had the misfortune of interacting with me, and you wonder if i hate you. i don't.

i promise. not like that, at least.

i'm not going to therapy for this; i can't afford it. i'm trying to find a way to possibly be medicated for this, but i don't have the greatest insurance. i'm trying to train myself into a nicer, more positive mindset; it's hard.

but i'm trying. i'm still very uneducated about this. i'm still coming to terms with the fact that i might be aroace. i think it's why my writing is getting worse, or, at least, why i've been so distraught and unhappy with it. i think this might tie into why i'm so afraid to post anything other than porn; i think it might also be why i'm starting to hate writing it.

i think i'm still coming to terms with the fact that i'm simply unhappy with life, haha.

i didn't mean for this to become such a huge ramble — i think that's why i'm answering this at such an unpopular//late time, haha! — but i've had a surprising amount of asks in my inbox asking about me.

it's weird. i'm not really used to that. i think that's part of the reason why it took me so long.

regardless, this is why i disappeared. this is why i've been distant, this is why i ghosted you, and this is what will probably happen again in the near future. at least it's consistent, i guess.

thank you for your concern. if you made it this far, damn. i wish i had your attention span sometimes, haha. also i'm sorry for never answering your messages or for never reaching out in the first place. it's very easy to convince myself that you don't want me to, that i might be a trophy friend, that what we had was never real.

i'm sorry that after all this time this is how you might be hearing about it.

thank you for being patient with me.

i'm sorry you have to be so patient to begin with.

i think that's all i have to say :) it's a new road for me, and it's one that i don't want to travel. but i have to. i think it might help me in the long run if i do this all now.

so... yeah! :) haha, a bit of leafy lore, if you will. just, maybe not the fun kind, haha!

[tsuki-sennin]

Wow, Adventure Heaven! What a good movie I totally just saw! I liked the part where Moffun showed up and ate an entire box of Milk Duds, cardboard and all~! And the part where Racules spelled his name out in Romaji on a blackboard and it wasn't "Rcules" because goddammit that is fucking bullshit~!

Anyways, time for Episodes 24-26~!

Spoilers, I guess...

-I don't know why you seem so surprised about Dezzy blowing up the planet, Jimmy. I mean, have you met him?

-Gerojim! I missed you, yo!

-Ahhhh, so Tikyuu's already got its core science down.

-Oh!

-Okay, apparently bedrock just doesn't exist in this universe.

-"I will be king! And none will challenge me!"

-Spiders Jeremy comes to play the game!

-Grandpa putting you to bed.

-Jeremy hijacked the intro entirely for himself this time, okay!

-The king is boiling alive, and he hasn't even been coronated for a few days!

-Holy shit, 90%???

-Damn Yanma, do you not have liquid nitrogen lying around?

-...Rita, is there some secret stash of Moffun and Me merch hidden somehwere in this castle that Racules had? Are there Moffun Chunkopops?

-Three cities! For three baskets of crops!

-Oh, Gira...

-Boone...

-"How can you people party when we're all melting?"

-Matsuri, matsuri da~!

-...Tarou-san...

-"I know all about your stupid planetary genocide plan~!"

-Goddamn, Jeremy looks great in that torchlight.

-One of the best staples of any JRPG~! The festival sequence~!

-Gira-sama~!

-Have fun, my beloved peons~!

-Oh my god, the plushie's got his own Akracing (TM) Gaming Chair.

-

-AN ENTIRE SKYSCRAPER

-Oh you motherfuckers hjlkh

-Stupid carnies!

-Lunch time~! Lay it on us, K-Man.

-Utage ja Ohger Jumpscare

-Rita's so adorable in that outfit, holy crap

-"Get out there, boy."

-Dezzy's insight is rather surprising. Forced to answer for crimes he had no hand in while those who put his people there party above them...

-Ohhhh, those are simply lovely parallel effects...

-"I will be the pen that writes my tyrannical legend."

-"Ehh... idk, maybe this whole tyranny thing isn't working out for me."

-Th

-Awww, Douga :)

-Man, looking at the green screen for long is fuckin' with my sense of perspective.

-It's like if George Lucas directed a season of Power Rangers.

-"Oh, hey Jeremy :)"

-Jeremy...

-All this time...

-Big crawfish!

-Po boys for everyone!

-That boy can dig.

-"Anyone got any bright ideas?"

-Fishing!

-Okay, that is smart writing.

-Can't burn somebody already boiling alive.

-Now to plug all these holes.

-Oh Dezzy...

-Oh, goin' full King already.

-Holy shit, he tanked that.

-Idomonarak??

-Ohhhhhhhh

-Family...

-He's just shuffling on...

-And yet he hears nothing.

-OHHHH?

-Everybody!

-"The man who done fucked up."

-Go even further beyond.

-Oh

-Okay, that simple.

-Twenty guys.

-Ah don't worry, I saw the preview, you guys'll find 'em.

-GEROJIM

-DUDE

-"I'll handle this one."

-OHHHHH

-That is devious.

-:O

-Holy shit

-Testing a man's resolve so hard.

-"Serve your king. As the first of the Bugnarok."

-Chosen by the gods.

-Kofuki's unprepared.

-"...I'm starting to regret this idea now."

-King Nerd and his posse ride on!

-I see Himeno's retinue are quite resolute.

-Last meal.

-"My nasty-ass hands ask to be taken! Kuroda! Suzume! I beg of you!"

-Hello, Morphonia~!

-Kabedon

-Ohhhhhh the hug!!!

-"The will to succeed."

-Kuwagon...

-Thump!

-No more sacrifice plays! Only the finest perfect run here!

-Damn

-Boone didn't hesitate for a second.

-It's time for your advent, God King-Ohger!

-That is one huge son of a bitch.

-Long-ass jingle too.

-God descends, and they are a chimeric arthropod!

-Removed.

-Ikuzo!

-This is simply marvelous.

-"On your call, Ant Boy!"

-Ohsama Sentai! King-Ohger!

-Goodbye, Emperor Dethnarak.

-We saved the world~!

-...kinda!

-One last episode for this arc, of course.

-Ah yes, the best solution for racism. Genocide.

-"All the Bugnarok will die too, you moron."

-"Let's meet somewhere nicer. You can even borrow this if you want."

-Sweet prince Jeremy...

-Oh?

-"Hey, Arbiter! Can't arbit with goosebumps?"

-Ohhhhh

-I see...

-Oh crap, Himeno.

-OHHHHHH

-Those're the locusts!

-A pile of dead flies.

-Jesus Christ...

-Oh, already revolting.

-That is messed up, man.

-Emperor Dezzy's got a stummyache.

-Gerojim's a force ghost.

-Oh!

-It's a little guy!

-"Can you help him?"

-Dethnarak...

-I never expected much from him, and yet...

-Goddamn, this is some tragic-ass theming.

-"Get out of here! You stupid dumb animal!"

-They fightin'!

-"Look at how bright and beautiful the sun is!"

-Gira...

-Yep. We would've done the same goddamn thing.

-And we would've kept doing that same goddamn thing over and over again.

-Let it fall, buddy.

-We're doing it good!

-Oh

-Oh fuck you Kamejim.

-"Two thousand years of planning! Stoking the fires of prejudice, killing, stealing, lying, destroying. All down the drain!"

-What the hell is that

-"Be king. Let our people see the beautiful shining sun!"

-Dethnarak...

-Returned to nothing but cinders.

-Jeremy's fucking pissed.

-Time for everybody to play their part once more.

-"Now, what to do with you kids~?"

-Clocked

-Even at his last breath, Kamejim refused to get it.

-Goodbye, stinkbug man.

-The Bugnarok are heretofore recognized as their own domain.

-There's no need for hatred any more. Never there was.

-Man and bug. Hand in pincer, hand in wing, hand in leg.

-No cheer or joy. Just a message made clear.

-"Now, let's make a beautiful new story~!"

-Ohhhhhhhhh

-Ah, yep. Planet.

-I forgot.

-Alienses~!

-Galactinsects, they're called.

-Oh wow, a timeskip.

-WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH FINALLY!

-I'M CAUGHT UP!

-THE CURSE HAS BEEN LIFTED!

[danielxricciardo]

Prompts

1. "Hi, my ex just walked in. Would you hold my hand please?"

2. "I didn't expect to see you here."

3. "Have you seen this dog?"

4. “That mouth of yours, does it ever stop making noise”

5. “Seven minutes in heaven is for virgin teenagers”

6. “Slam that door one more time and I’ll shove my foot straight up your cute ass”

7. “Jesus! Knock next time would you”

8. “You have money go and get yourself a hoodie that’s not mine”

9. "I hate roses, I thought you knew"

10. "Do you think I am an angel? Ha"

11. "I wanted to sleep but someone decided to die"

12. "I can kill you right now, what are you talking about?"

13. "Hi, I am lost, can you come after me?"

14. "When I first saw you I wanted to date your best friend"

15. "I am so funny and you are just jealous"

16. "If I have to choose... no"

17. "Stop breathing like that!"

18. "I just did my nails"

19. "I'm the best driver în the world"

20. "Will you marry me?" "No"

21. "I think I broke my arm" "So?"

22. "I think I love you" "Thanks"

23. "My arms are lonely, don't you think?"

24. "Apparently we are dating"

25. “Well it’s kind of hard to move when you’re sitting on my lap”

26. "Those things you said yesterday, did you mean them?"

27. "If we elope, you think they'll kill us?"

28. "This is yours"

29. "You can’t just kiss me, laugh and then walk away."

30. "Are you using ass as a pillow?"

31." I find your lack of faith disturbing."

32. "And I took it personally"

33. "In here I am the boss"

34. "Oh, bite me!" "Where?"

35. "What will you do if we break up?"

36. "Where is my T-shit?"

37. "This is no time for sarcastic comments."  "There is always time for sarcastic comments."

38. "I’ll keep quiet, you won’t even know I’m here."

39. "The way you flirt is just awful"

40. "Don’t be fooled. I’m the epitome of mess."

41. " If you are on TV should I congratulate you?"

42. "And this, is why we can’t have nice things."

43. "That's what he said"

44. "I am scared of your boss"

45. "You should know, a lot of girls have a crush on me"

46. "Everyone is afraid of you"

47. "If I'm watching that movie one more time I'll lose my fucking mind!"

48. "I thought being on vacation will be stress free"

49. "My parents don't trust you"

50. "I don't think I should give my last name so easily"

51. “I really wish I could unsee that.”

52. “Who would’ve guessed we’d be sharing a room.”

53. “I feel like you have an unhealthy obsession with me.”

54. “Nah he’s fine, it’s the other one you really got to watch out for.”

55. “I have a suggestion.” “I’m not taking my clothes off so forget it.”

56. “You’re the genius, why don’t you tell me?”

57. “Have I ever told you your accent makes me swoon?” “Really?” “No.” He/she smiles. “ that’s why I’ve never told you.”

58. “I’m alive? How am I still alive?”

59. “You’re crazy! I love it!”

60. “Never have I ever is about to get a lot more interesting.”

61. “What did they do?” “Dude. They did the do.”

62. "You can’t keep pretending it didn’t happen, cause guess what? It did!"

63. "Well this is awkward."

64. "Im too sober for this."

65. "Im pregnant." "Wall done, Virgin Mary!"

66. " I want to protect you."

67. "Kill that spider and maybe I'll forgive you"

68. "I have no one to go to the wedding"

69. "Don’t you dare touch _______!"

70. "I thought you were dead!"

71. "This is, without a doubt, the stupidest plan you’ve ever had. Of course I’m in."

72. "Take care of you, please"

73. "If your best friend single?"

74. "Just remember, if we get caught, you’re deaf and I don’t speak English."

75. "Why does everyone assume we're a couple?"

76. "Im craving something sweet" "Are you pregnant or something?"

77. " What is the magic word?" "I'll kill you în your sleep"

78. "When I see you my knees get weak"

79. "Finally you're single. Can I take you on a date?"

80. " So, I guess you don’t do after hours?"

81. "I know what I'm doing, I've watched two whole seasons of Grey's Anatomy."

82. "I can't believe I'm stuck here with you right now."

83. "Okay, this did not go as I planned it in the shower."

84. "I'm not going to sit around and watch you destroy yourself."

85. "You were my best friend"

86. "You did what?"

87. "Can you just pretend to love me for a second!"

88. "You are enough"

89. "Take the shirt off"

90. "Your nickname is bitch"

91. "What do you want to watch?" "You"

92. "How could you ask me that?"

93. "Your mouth does this thing and I can't resist it"

94. "Are you allowed to drink?"

95. "I said Im done, leave me alone!"

96. "Don’t raise your fucking voice at me”

97. “Yeah, I remember the drill”

98. “Tell me again, slowly this time, why that dog is in my bed.”

99. “Gave you so much, but it wasn’t enough.”

100. “You and me, we were destined to fall apart.”

101. “No, you don’t know who you are until somebody breaks your heart.”

102. “I want to tell you everything. The words I never got to say the first time around.”

103. “It’s better to feel pain, than nothing at all.”

Song lyrics prompts

1. “It’s the little things about us, that I love so much.”

2. “Last night I told you I loved you // woke up blamed it on the vodka”

3. “It’s a better place since you came along”

4. “You make me love the things I hate  “

5. Just a paper sheet and half a cigarette are left in my hand

6. Your faith walks on broken glass

7. "And can you teach me how to dance real slow?"

8. "I'll throw away my faith, babe, just to keep you safe"

9. "One night, you won't forget the rest of your life"

10. "We only said goodbye with words"

11. "I'll try to give you love until the day you drop"

12. "I like the pretty boys with the bow tie"

13. "Lets get drunk forget what we did"

14. Your kisses lift me higher

15. When you're ready we can share the wine

16. "And if you don't love me now you will never love me again"

17. "Why'd you have to go and make things so complicated?"

18. "When there's nothing to lose and there's nothing to prove"

19. She's the kind of girl who only asks you over when its raining, just to make you lie there catching water dripping from the ceiling.

20. Now I understand, you're a human, and you got to lie, you're a man

21. The good and the bad times: we've been through them all.

22. Now I ain't educated but I sure ain't stupid

23. I grew up in the shoes they told me I could fill

24. It's hard to say that I'd rather stay awake when I'm asleep

25. A lover would just complicate my plans

26. And in the morning, i’ll be with you, but it will be a different kind

27. My heart is yours, it’s you that i hold on to

28. And with one kiss, you inspired a fire of devotion that lasts for twenty years

29. I let go of my claim on you, it’s a free world

30. I’m in my bed, and you’re not here and there’s no one to blame, but the drink in my wandering hands

31. Cause you gave me peace and i wasted it, I’m here to admit that you were my medicine

32. Oh, dear diary, i met a boy, he made my doll heart light up with joy. Oh, dear diary, we fell apart, welcome to the life of electra heart

33. For you, I would cross the line, I would waste my time, I would lose my mind

34. Is it really me you're missing?

35. Remember that night?

36. How many times can I break till I shatter?

37. As long as I breathe, I’ll call you my home

38. "You wouldn't know love if it crushed your fucking chest."

39. "When we scream our lips don't make a sound."

40. "Please don't let me sink, wrap your arms around me and carry me home."

41. "This hasn't torn us apart so nothing ever will."

42. "A long time ago we believed that we were united."

43. "I miss the person that you were but I don't miss you."

44. "If home is where the heart is, why do I feel so fucking heartless?"

45. "I can't live, I can't breathe with or without you just go away."

46. "I'm not afraid to die, I'm afraid I'll survive and have to watch you suffer."

47. "I wanna hold you high and steal your pain away."

48. "I'm not like you I just fuck up."

49. "All because of you I believe in angels, not the kind with wings, no not the kind with halos. The kind that bring you home when home becomes a strange place."

50. "I just want to go to sleep and never wake up again."

51. “I wish people liked me more.”

52. “How could I ever love someone else?”

53. “I guess you’re getting everything you want.”

54. “She probably gives you butterflies.”

55. “I hope that you’re okay.”

56. “I defended you to all my friends.”

57. “I never cared about what they say, only care about me and you” 

58. “Either way i’m gonna lose, so i’m just gonna keep on loving you”

59. “You know i’m bad at communication, it’s the hardest thing for me to do”

60. “Iwas your lover, i was your friend, now I’m only just someone you call when it’s late enough to forget”

61. “It’s fucked up but it’s true that i love you like i do”

62. “Well we both had nights waking up in strangers beds but i don’t wanna, don't wanna, i don’t wanna give up yet”

63. “Tell me I’ve got it wrong somehow.”

64. “I’m begging for you to take my hand.”

65. “I can’t make it go away by making you the villain.”

66. “He feels like home.”

67. “I’d be breaking all my rules to see you.”

68. “But I know you’re not scared of anything at all.”

69. “When can I come back?”

70. “I’m ready to owe you anything”

71. “I’ll always look best in your head”

72. “I know you know it’s wrong, but I’m ready”

73. “All I ever want is breaking me apart.”

74. “Let's talk sweetly like all our love is false.”

75. “You put a fire in my heart, painted blood on my stars, gave me faith.”

76. “I wanna meet your girlfriend, she sounds nice.”

77. “How is kissing me so wrong?“

78. “Can’t you see that I’m already yours?”

79. “I’ve been losing track of the romantic sh*t I’m tryna say but basically I love you"

80. “I don’t wanna be your friend, I wanna kiss your lips, I wanna kiss you until I lose my breath”

81. “I apologize for all your tears, I wish I could be different but I’m still growing up into the one you can call your love” 

82. “I’m out of my head, of my heart, of my mind cause you can run but you can’t hide, I’m gonna make you mine”

83. "I never loved someone the way that I love you"

84. "It's the way that you know what I thought I knew, it's the beat that my heart skips when I'm with you"

85. "I hope she gettin' better sex, hope she ain't fakin' it like I did, babe"

86. “I know we’re young and people change and we may never feel the same”

87. “I can’t change the world, but maybe I’ll change your mind”

88. "You don't own me. Don't tie me down 'cause I'd never stay."

89. "Leave everything that is worth a single cent and just take me instead."

90. "And then I got you off your knees, put you right back on your feet, just so you can take advantage of me."

91. "Hey, I can't let you go with nobody. Cause I love you, baby."

92. "Tell me that it wasn't my fault and that I was enough for you."

93. "We were good at faking forever, I get it, whatever."

94. "Cause you had your chance and you blew it. Yeah, you ripped it up and you chewed it."

95. "Well, I'm too busy for your business. Go find a girl who wants to listen."

96. "Stop looking at me with those eyes, like I could disappear and you wouldn't care why."

97. "Oh, we could do whatever you want, but boy, don't go falling in love, you can't stay with me, all you'll ever have is one day with me"

98. "I pray the medication slow me down, but that shit doesn't work when you're around"

99. "Told her that I loved her once and now she'd kill for me"

100. "What the tell were we? Tell me we weren't just friends"

Who I write for

Formula 1

Daniel Ricciardo

Lewis Hamilton

Max Verstappen

Charles Leclerc

Esteban Ocon

Carlos Sainz

Lando Norris

Lance Stroll

Sebastian Vettel

Mick Schumacher

Pierre Gasly

George Russel

Football

Erling Haaland

Jadon Sancho

Giovanni Reyna

Jude Bellingham

Julian Brandt

Marco Reus

Roman Bürki

Emre Can

Mats Hummels

Leon Goretzka

Joshua Kimmich

Kai Havertz

Mason Mount

Christian Pulisici

Ben Chilwell

Gerard Pique 

João Félix

Ianis Hagi

Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain

Trent Alexander-Arnold

Virgil van Dijk

Jens Petter Hauge

Martin Ødegaard

Alexander Sørloth

[arctic-comet]

Osblaine week 2021, Day 2: Lyrics

Over the last several weeks, I have carefully curated a playlist for Osblaine. The final total length of the playlist is 2 hours and 53 minutes.

The playlist can be found HERE

Click "Keep Reading" if you're interested in the introduction, commentary, more graphics and the full tracklist.

For full disclosure, I have to give some of the credit to my amazing fellow Osblaine fangirls @dystopiandramaqueen, @splitscreen and everyone who participated in a certain conversation for the original inspiration and even bringing up some of the songs.

You should look at the playlist in five parts: one section for each season that's aired and one section for the future (because I like to end things on a hopeful note).

The playlist contains a lot of the following:

Music from movie and TV soundtracks

Instrumental music

Remixes

Classics and covers of classics

Country music. I blame Florida. My sincerest apologies.

Some of the songs were chosen because they reminded me of a certain Osblaine scene, and some of them aren't specific to particular scenes but chosen for the general Osblaine vibe. And most of the movie/TV music I chose have been used for couples that remind me of Nick and June.

Part I- Season 1, first 12 songs of the playlist:

Forbidden Love- Abel Korzeniowski, Jasper Randall, The Hollywood Studio Symphony (Romeo & Juliet)

Fireflies- Owl City

Echoes in Rain- Enya

My Ghost- Glass Pear (Bones)

Daring to Hope- Anne Dudley (Poldark)

Everytime We Touch- Cascada

1000 Times- Sara Bareilles

Too Good At Goodbyes- Sam Smith

In Case You Don't Live Forever- Ben Platt

To Find You- Cast of Sing Street, Brenock O’Connor

She- Elvis Costello (Notting Hill)

Miracle- Instrumental- Cö Shu Nie

Hanging By A Moment- Lifehouse

Commentary:

The first instrumental song IMO works as an intro for their entire love story.

The next two songs are more about having the right vibe. It's a little ambiguous and dark because that's how their life is in Gilead.

Leave my door open just a crack

Please take me away from here

'Cause I feel like such an insomniac

Please take me away from here

Why do I tire of counting sheep?

Please take me away from here

When I'm far too tired to fall asleep

***

Wait for the sun

Watching the sky

Black as a crow

Night passes by

Taking the stars

So far away

Everything flows

Here comes another new day

Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah

***

"My Ghost" is June's POV before they sleep together, wondering if she can trust Nick:

Who can you trust, in this place?

And whom can I put my faith?

If you're real, then show me now,

Who you are

The last two songs are for episode 1x10, for both Nick’s reaction to June’s pregnancy and the beginning of her first escape attempt (arranged by Nick).

She may be the face I can't forget The trace of pleasure or regret May be my treasure or the price I have to pay She may be the song that summer sings Maybe the chill that autumn brings Maybe a hundred different things Within the measure of a day

Part II- Season 2, next 10 songs:

Love Will Keep Us Alive- Eagles

So Easy- Phillip Phillips

Incomplete- James Bay

Rewrite the Stars- The Piano Guys (The Greatest Showman)

I’ll Be Your Shelter- Taylor Dayne

Love Never Fails- Brandon Heath

P.S. I Love You- 05:11- John Powell (P.S. I Love You)

It's A Girl- Mychel Danna (The Time Traveler's Wife)

I'll Stand By You- Josh Groban, Helene Fischer

The Miracle of Love- Eurythmics

Commentary:

The first four songs cover June’s escape attempt and the time they share at the Boston Globe.

"Incomplete" is Nick's POV from when she's on the run and he knows she'll be gone from his life soon. He lives in the moment.

I don't wanna look down

I don't want us to break up in the clouds

All I want is to stay us, to stay with you now

"I'll Be Your Shelter" is for when June's mental health is at its lowest point and he goes to Serena to beg for her to get June help.

What you need is a friend to count on

What you got baby you got someone

Who will stay when the rain is fallin'

And won't let it fall on you

P.S. I Love You takes me back to episode 2.09, Nick’s selflessness in the episode and of course the scene where after telling June that Luke loves her, he tells her that he loves her too, despite believing she probably doesn’t feel the same way.

It's A Girl makes me think of the beautiful moment they share during June's false labor when he helps her out of the van and they climb the steps together.

I’ll Stand By You is for 2.10, Nick holding June after she was heartbroken over Hannah and over what the Waterfords did to her and clinging onto him.

Part III- Season 3, next 6 songs:

Extremely Loud And Incredibly Close- Alexandre Desplat (Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close)

All I Ask- Adele

Never Enough- Loren Allred (The Greatest Showman)

I Don’t Wanna Live Forever- Taylor Swift, ZAYN (Fifty Shades Darker)

Love is Gone- SLANDER, Dylan Matthew

Constellations- The Oh Hellos

Commentary:

For obvious reasons, it was extremely difficult to pick songs for this season.

The first (instrumental) song is for the beginning of the season with June coming back to the Waterford house and them then saying goodbye to each other on the street.

All I Ask, Never Enough, I Don't Wanna Live Forever and Love Is Gone are for their night together in June’s room at Lawrence’s (the one we didn’t get to see sigh). They know it's possible it's all they'll ever have, and they'll take it, but it'll never be enough.

I will leave my heart at the door I won't say a word They've all been said before, you know So why don't we just play pretend? Like we're not scared of what's coming next Or scared of having nothing left

Look, don't get me wrong I know there is no tomorrow All I ask is

If this is my last night with you Hold me like I'm more than just a friend Give me a memory I can use Take me by the hand while we do what lovers do It matters how this ends 'Cause what if I never love again?

***

All the shine of a thousand spotlights

All the stars we steal from the night sky

Will never be enough

Never be enough

Towers of gold are still too little

These hands could hold the world but it'll

Never be enough

Never be enough

***

I'm sorry, don't leave me, I want you here with me

I know that your love is gone

I can't breathe, I'm so weak, I know this isn't easy

Don't tell me that your love is gone

That your love is gone

"Constellations" is for their long separation and the doubts that I'm sure plagued them both during it. Would they ever see each other again?

Part IV- S4, next 12 songs:

All of Me- John Legend

(Everything I do) I Do It For You- Bryan Adams

Iris- Natalie Taylor (City of Angels)

She Was Like A Bright Light- Hans Zimmer, Rupert Greyson-Williams (Winter’s Tale)

Noah's Last Letter- Aaron Zigman (The Notebook)

What’s In The Middle- the bird and the bee (Bones)

ivy- Taylor Swift

Footprints in the Sand- Leona Lewis

Remember Me (Lullaby)- Gael Garcia Bernal, Gabriella Flores (Coco)

On The Nature Of Daylight- Max Richter

My Heart Will Go On- Basil Jose (Titanic)

The Story- Sara Ramirez (Grey's Anatomy)

Commentary:

There were sooo many songs I wanted to include in part IV, but I controlled myself and ended up with this particular dozen.

"She Was Like A Bright Light" and "Noah’s Last Letter" are an instrumental double punch to the gut for Nick’s time in Gilead during episodes 4.07-4.09. The first one is meant for when he finds out June made it to Canada, and the 2nd for is for when he starts to gather info on Hannah to give to June.

"What’s in the Middle" and "ivy" are June’s POV of episodes 4.07-4.09.

"What's In The Middle" has more of an angry and confused vibe, and June was definitely both in episodes 7 and 8.

Losing your head is such a common theme

All your brains are falling out, falling out the open seams

Where is the heart, is the heart of the matter

I will empty out my skull of all this useless chatter

On the other hand, "ivy" has this haunted vibe, but there's also reverence and acceptance, which she begins to achieve in episode 9.

Oh, goddamn

My pain fits in the palm of your freezing hand

Taking mine, but it's been promised to another

Oh, I can't

Stop you putting roots in my dreamland

My house of stone, your ivy grows

And now I'm covered in you

The next three songs are of course all for their reunion in 4.09, and I couldn’t resist including the song that was actually played in the scene.

"The Story" draws the season to a close nicely, with June understanding that her current needs are different from what they used to be and that there’s someone who understands her completely (and it’s not Luke).

You see the smile that's on my mouth

It's hiding the words that don't come out

And all of my friends who think that I'm blessed

They don't know my head is a mess

No, they don't know who I really am

And they don't know what I've been through like you do

And I was made for you

Part V- Season 5 and Beyond, the last 6 songs

Secret Love Song- Little Mix, Jason Derulo

Burn With You- Lea Michele

The Bones- Maren Morris

Feels Like Home- Auli'i Carvalho, Keegan DeWitt

Love Will Find A Way- Piano Covers (Lion King II)

Like I'll Never Love You Again- Carrie Underwood

“Secret Love Song” is a more angsty tune about a love that’s still kept a secret like June and Nick’s love (as far as most people are concerned). Now that they’ve already made out in front of the man who raped and abused June and made Nick watch him do that, I want to believe they can let go of the secrecy in S5, at least when it comes to a few people.

I'm living for that day Someday Can I hold you in the street? Why can't I kiss you on the dancefloor? I wish that we could be like that Why can't we it be like that? Cause I'm yours, I'm yours Why can't you hold me in the street? Why can't I kiss you on the dancefloor? I wish that it could be like that Why can't it be like that? Cause I'm yours Why can't I say that I'm in love? I wanna shout it from the rooftops I wish that it could be like that Why can't we be like that? Cause I'm yours Why can't we be like that? Wish we could be like that

***

“Bones” is about a relationship with a strong foundation, which IMO they do have. It will carry them in the future, too. They’re more into each other now than ever before and especially June is coming to terms with how strong that love is. They’ll weather any storm.

When the bones are good, the rest don't matter

Yeah, the paint could peel, the glass could shatter

Let it break 'cause you and I remain the same

When there ain't a crack in the foundation

Baby, I know any storm we're facing

Will blow right over while we stay put

The house don't fall when the bones are good

***

“Feels Like Home” is more hopeful. Their home is with each other and I hope that’s something that will be explored more in the future.

Take me, I'm ready

Go slow but go steady

To a place that we can call our own

I wanna know what feels like home

***

“Like I’ll Never Love You Again” is a good conclusion for the playlist. It’s hopeful and a testament to an epic love.

I wanna love you like the rain on a roof

Stronger than a bottle of a hundred ten proof

I wanna take love to places that love has never been

Yeah, I wanna love you like I'll never love you again

And I'll love you again

Oh, and again

[iliveiloveiwrite]

Gifts // H.P.

Request: 🌻 Blurbs/Drabbles - Fluffy with Harry 🤓 - @chaoticgirl04​

A/N: This was a drabble that got away from to be honest, and I am not sorry for it! It’s a load of seasonal fluff - we’re already playing Christmas music in my house so this was bound to happen. It has such a cheesy ending and its a mess of timelines, but I love it. As always, I hope you enjoy!

Summary: the exchanging of gifts

Pairing: Harry Potter x Fem!Reader

Warnings: none - snow, fluff and cuteness.

Word count: 2.9k

Warm lights twinkle in every window of the Hogsmeade high street as you trudged through the near knee-deep depths of snow with Harry by your side.

It’s the final Hogsmeade weekend before the Christmas break, and though you really shouldn’t have left it this late, you’ve not bought a gift for the teenager now shivering next to you.

You felt a limitless amount of relief when Harry confessed late last night that he still hadn’t found you a gift either.

“Okay, it looks beautiful but it’s freezing,” You shiver, “I say we take an hour to find the gifts, meet back in this spot and leg it back to the castle. What do you think?”

Harry kisses you quickly, “I say it sounds perfect. I’ll see you back here in an hour?”

You nod; watching him plod through the snow as the warmth of his kiss is washed away by the bitter cold wind. Wrapping yourself up tightly in your thick, padded coat, you make your way into the first shop.

As you wander the aisles, you remind yourself of the agreed upon spending limit. For the most part, you stick to it.

Until you find the perfect gift.

The spending limit flies out of the window and into the dimming light of the day as you pay for the gift.

Bags in hand and gifts safely wrapped in brightly coloured tissue paper, you meet Harry at the agreed upon spot. Harry smiles broadly when he sees you walking towards him. He shifts his own bags to one hand so he can hold out a gloved hand for you to take.

Together, you walk as fast as possible through the snow back to the castle.

Stomping your feet on the stone floor of the entrance hall, you can’t help but chuckle at Harry’s wind-bitten, red face. In revenge for your laughter, Harry draws you in for a tight hug where he presses his freezing cold cheek against yours.

Shrieking, you rush back to the Gryffindor common room, desperate for the warmth of the already lit fires.

Hermione looks up from her book at the sound of your laughter as you enter the common room with Harry close behind you. She smiles at you from her spot in the corner.

“Hermione,” You begin, pulling off your hat, “Would you mind helping me with some wrapping?”

Closing her book, Hermione nods. She stands with a grin; happy to be involved.

As the both of you head to your shared dorm, you hear Ron ask Harry, “Did you buy what we talked about last night? Come on, mate. Show me what you got!”

You bite your lip to repress the laughter threatening to spill.

Hermione, herself, is a gift when it comes to wrapping. She has a knack for knowing the right sizing as well as the colour coordination of the paper she needs. Not only was Hermione the brightest witch of her age; she was also one of the most talented.

As she sticks the final piece of tape to the small box of Cauldron Cakes, she asks, “Is there anything else?”

You nod, reaching for the bag that carefully held the gift that had destroyed your pre-agreed spending limit.

You chew on the inside of your cheek with nerves as Hermione carefully unwraps the gift from its tissue paper. Hermione gasps as she holds the gift in her hands, “It’s beautiful.”

“You don’t think it’s too cheesy?”

Hermione shakes her head furiously; her trademark brunette curls bouncing in all directions, “I think he’s going to love it.”

You smile gratefully at the girl who has become a close friend in the time that you’ve dating Harry, “Thank you so much for doing this, Hermione.”

Hermione grins toothily, “I don’t mind, and besides, I wanted to know what you bought him.”

You laugh at her words; beginning to clean up the mess of bags and packaging that had soon littered the floor of your dorm room.

“When are you exchanging gifts?” Hermione ask; curiosity bright in her eyes.

“Tonight,” You confirm, “I go home tomorrow, and I don’t join you all at the Burrow until the 27th so Harry and I decided to swap gifts this evening.”

Hermione sighs, “It’s all so romantic. You’ll send me a letter telling me everything Harry gets you – don’t leave anything out!”

You sit back down at her side, “I promise,” You nudge her side with your elbow, “I happen to know that you’ll love the gift a certain Weasley has gotten you.”

Hermione rolls her eyes with a snort, “Ron is many things, but he is not a good gift giver.”

“But he’s had my help this year,” You tease.

“What?!” Hermione all but shouts.

You nod, “He came to me at the beginning of December asking for my help. I didn’t say what exactly, but I nudged him in the right direction.”

Hermione’s face turns a pretty shade of pink as she tries to work out what the youngest Weasley boy could have gotten her for Christmas. However, a knock at the door has her jumping out of her reverie and helping you hide Harry’s gifts.

“Just a minute,” You call out; throwing a blanket over your bed to smoothen out the obvious lumps of presents hidden underneath your quilt.

The unmistakable laughter of Harry and Ron sounds through the wood as you say, “It’s open.”

The two enter the room with amusement written all across both their faces. Ron tries to catch Hermione’s eye, but she stares steadfastly at the ground.

Harry laughs once more at the sight of your bed, “Great hiding place, love.”

You roll your eyes, “Hush you, I had less than a minute to hide them.”

Harry presses a kiss to your cheek as his arm winds its way around your waist, “We’re heading down to the Great Hall for the final feast – you coming?” Harry asks; amusement still very much alight in his eyes.

You reach for Hermione’s hand to pull her attention back to the room. “We’ll come with you now,” You murmur, already heading for the door.

Together, the four of you walk as a group to the Great Hall. Taking a seat at the Gryffindor table, you arrive just in time to hear Dumbledore’s end of term speech.

When food appears on the table, you waste no time in filling up your plate. You turn to Ron as you spoon vegetables onto your plate, “Will you tell your mum thank you from me for inviting me to join you next week?”

Ron nods, “Yeah, I will. She’s thrilled you’re coming. She wants to meet the person who has stolen Harry’s heart… her words, not mine.”

You laugh, winking at Harry, “Have I stolen your heart, love?”

Harry looks down at his chest and then back up at you, “I think you have, I can’t seem to find it anywhere.”

You snort, turning back to Ron, “I can’t wait to come.”

Ron smiles at you before returning to his food. You do not miss the yearning glances he sends in Hermione’s direction.

Shaking your head at the absolute absurdity of the pair of them, you turn your attention back to Harry to find him watching you with a soft smile.

“What?” You mouth; reaching for your glass of pumpkin juice.

“Nothing. Just excited to see your reaction to your presents.”

You beam at him, “I can’t wait to see what you’ve got me. I also can’t wait to see you open your presents.”

“Are they good?” Harry asks; digging for information.

You smirk, “The best.”

“What time do you want to open them?” Harry questions; eagerness displayed in his voice.

“Let’s wait until the common room is empty. That way it’s private and we can sit by the fire without being interrupted.”

“I like your thinking.”

“I like you,” You whisper causing a faint blush to rise on his cheeks.

---------

Waiting in the common room for everyone to go to bed feels like it takes forever, but it only takes a couple of hours – students still befuddled by their feast at dinner.

Hermione and Ron departed an hour ago; whispered goodbyes and see you soons exchanged before they headed to bed – smiling shyly at the other as they left together.

“How long do you think it’ll take them to get together?” You whisper to Harry.

Harry snorts, “Who knows? I hope it’s soon though. I love Ron like a brother, but he sleep talks.”

“No!” You gasp between peals of laughter.

Harry nods, “He does.”

You settle back down, resting against Harry’s side. His arm remains happily laid across your shoulder and your hand remains laid on his thigh.

The final student yawns and makes their way to their bed. The pit of excitement that had been slowly growing in your stomach bursts into your veins; lighting them with the feeling of joy. With a wide smile, you turn to Harry, “Shall we get the gifts and meet here in a couple of minutes?”

Harry grasps your chin, kissing you lightly on the mouth, “Race you!”

He throws himself off the couch and runs to the stairs; you laugh as you follow on his heels.

As quietly as you can, you tiptoe into your dorm room – careful not to disturb the already sleeping girls. You smile at Hermione; still up reading one of her many books. Pushing your feet into slippers and grabbing the presents from under your quilt, you wave and whisper a goodnight to Hermione before bounding back down the stairs to the common room.

Harry’s already there when you arrive; sitting on the worn maroon rug, a pile of hastily wrapped presents laying in front of him.

“Slow poke,” Harry comments as you sit down across from him.

You roll your eyes, “I needed to put my slippers on.”

Stretching your legs in front of you, you give Harry full view of your fluffy bunny slippers given to you by Ron on your birthday.

Harry nods solemnly, “Ah yes. We couldn’t leave Arnold and Gerald out, could we?”

You shake your head seriously, “Of course not. They’re part of this too.”

Harry tries to remain serious but a crack forms in his mask and he’s soon laughing. You join him; laughing at his laughter. This had been the happiest you had felt in a long while; Harry brought out this side of you that was a little lighter and craved the feeling of happiness and friendship as well as the all-consuming, breathlessness of teenage love.

You calm down, asking, “Who wants to go first?”

“You go first,” Harry replies, sliding one present over to you.

You beam at the messy-haired teenager before ripping into the wrapping paper. You gasp at the present; a gorgeously decorated notebook, the cover depicting one of your favourite paintings in the castle.

“Harry, it’s gorgeous, thank you,” You whisper, placing the notebook gently to one side, already thinking of ideas and thoughts to note down in it.

“You’re welcome,” Harry replies, just as quiet.

“Here,” You say, sliding his first present to him.

Harry tears open the delicately wrapped paper to find a new broomstick servicing set. Harry looks at you with bright eyes, “Thank you! How did you know mine was running low on supplies?”

“Hermione mentioned it in passing and I made a mental note.”

“Thank you very much, it’s exactly what I need.”

More presents are exchanged and so are word of thanks and kisses of gratefulness. Harry gets you some new quills to go with your new notebook as well as a small watercolour paint set as you had mentioned some weeks ago about wanting to take up painting as a new hobby. You hold back tears through all of this; you had never realised how thoughtful a gift giver Harry was.

Harry smiles constantly through all of his gifts from you; the broom servicing kit, the latest book on Quidditch strategy as well as the small box of Cauldron Cakes from Honeyduke’s. He opens them immediately; offering the box to you first before starting on his own.

Finally, only two gifts remain – one gift left each to receive.

Nerves begin to settle in your stomach; your mind hoping and praying that Harry loves this gift.

With a small smile, Harry slides his final gift to you. His cheeks are flushed but you can’t decipher whether they are from the heat from the still roaring fire or whatever is wrapped up in the deep green wrapping paper.

“This is my favourite,” Harry whispers.

“Is this what you and Ron came up with last night?”

He nods; eyes focused solely on the half unwrapped gift in your hands.

You finish unwrapping the gift; turning over what feels like a photo frame in your hands.

“Oh…” You say, holding a hand up to your mouth.

Within a silver picture frame, Harry has slid in a photo of you two from a Hogsmeade weekend weeks ago. You remember the day so clearly; it was the day of the first snow of the season and that always meant so much to you. For it to fall on a Hogsmeade weekend wasn’t simply a coincidence. Noticing the flakes from your seat in The Three Broomsticks, you dragged Harry out of the pub and into the high street. The flakes started to fall in a faster flurry, and you stuck out your tongue to try and catch them there. Harry had copied you for a minute or so before pulling you into his arms and spinning you around. He had captured your lips in a kiss soon after.

You never knew that the moment had been captured on film.

“I didn’t know Ron had taken a photo,” You whisper, running a hand over the moving photo.

“Neither had I,” Harry says just as quietly, “He didn’t show me it until last night when I was brainstorming ideas.”

You look up at the teenager you were so madly in love with; holding the frame to your chest, “Harry, this is the best present I’ve ever been given. Thank you.”

Harry nods, ducking his head from the overwhelming sense of emotion taking control of him.

You sigh shakily, standing the picture frame up with your other presents. Your hand grabs Harry’s present, looking at neatly wrapped silver paper, feeling a lot more confident in what you’ve bought him.

Before handing it over to Harry, you say, “I went over our spending limit, but I saw this, and I had to buy you it.”

Harry chuckles, “It’s okay, I went over it too.”

You hold out your gift for Harry to take; waiting nervously as he tears open the paper and opens the box.

Harry remains silent as the snow globe falls into his hand; he simply shakes the orb and watches the fake snow fall and settle around the Snowy Owl depicted there.

You clear your throat, “I know how much you miss Hedwig, and when I saw this, I needed to buy it.”

Harry opens and closes his mouth for a moment before he finally whispers brokenly, “Thank you.”

“Turn it over,” You say.

“There’s more?” Harry asks with wide eyes; what else could be added?

 “I had it inscribed…” You trail off shyly.

Harry flips the snow globe on its head; taking in the words inscribed forever onto the bottom: “The one’s that love us never really leave us.”

“This last year has been hard,” You start, “But Sirius was right – he won’t ever leave you, Harry, and neither will Hedwig. Every time you miss them, you just need to look here.”

Harry doesn’t say anything for a few minutes; he isn’t certain that he has the capacity to because he has never been given a gift as touching as this other than the photo album given to him by Hagrid at the end of his first year. Harry shakes the snow globe once again, staring at the scene of the Snowy Owl suspended in the fake snow. It wasn’t Hedwig and it never would be, but it reminded Harry so much of her that it helped to ease the pain of missing her just a little. His little finger runs over the inscription graved into the bottom and Harry lets himself feel the pain of missing his godfather; the engraving is right – Sirius would never leave him, but Harry can’t help but regret the fact that they didn’t have more time together.

With a loaded sigh, Harry sets the snow globe to one side and finally looks into your eyes. He doesn’t give you time to respond, he tackles you to the floor, supporting his weight by his hands. Without speaking, Harry kisses you – attaching his lips to yours passionately. Everything he had felt since he realised what the gift was, was poured into this kiss – his love for you, his happiness, his gratefulness, but also his mourning and the fact that he can’t believe you’re still here.

He pours it all into this kiss. The need for oxygen be damned.

Harry was too overwhelmed by the meaning of the gift for him to come up with right words to thank you; to come up with the right sentence to thank you for bringing them back into his life.

But the need for breath becomes too great and Harry breaks the kiss. You smile up at him, running a hand through his eternally messy hair as your chest heaves. Harry beams down at you, leaning in to press one more kiss to your mouth. Against your lips, he whispers, “Thank you.”

“I’m glad you like it.”

“I love it, just like I love you.”

************

General (HP) taglist: @chaotic-fae-queen​ @obsessedwithrandomthings​ @harrypotter289​ @dreamer821​ @kalimagik​ @heloisedaphnebrightmore​ @nebulablakemurphy​ @the-hufflefluffwriter​ @figlia--della--luna​ @bforbroadway​ @idont-knowrn​ @summer-writes​ @big-galaxy-chaos​ @black-lake-confessions​ @annasofiaearlobe​ @imboredandneedalife​ @levylovegood​ @haphazardhufflepuff​ @teheharrypotter​ @chaoticgirl04​ @accio-rogers​ @msmimimerton​ @izzytheninja​ @slytherinprincess03​ @iamobscuring​

[scullysexual]

pirate au fic; i’ll tell you a tale of a pirate queen (1/ )

pirate au | multi-chapter | au | multiple parts | historical au | 18th century | currently no msr (if i continue, comes later) | i’ll post to ao3 tomorrow | wc: 1,123 |

A tale of a Pirate Queen.

I’m gonna try my best to continue and complete this though I can’t say when the next chapter(s) will be cause I think I want to write some more before I post again. Anyway, this hit me and wouldn’t leave me alone. I hope you like it :)

@today-in-fic

- - -

Chapter One: Bound To The Sea Below

She pulls out the tie, shakes out her hair, the wind blowing freely through the strands, tangling the red curls around each other. Her mother would be grabbing the hairbrush and telling her to sit.

But Mother isn’t here right now. Nobody is. Dana can hear chatter behind her, the occasional yell, but she is oblivious to it all. Just the wind in her ears and against her face, her eyes shut as she inhales the salty air.

This was where she belonged, without any rhyme or reason, sailing along the sea, bringing goods to other cities and countries. It just felt right to be here. It felt like home.

She grips the rope tighter, holding on as she adjusts her feet on the rails. One accidental step and she’s falling into the water below, it doesn’t scare her, though. Since she was eight years old, she had been climbing the railings such to everyone’s concern, but not once has she fell off. She even got brave enough to close her eyes and fly.

When she reopens them, her heart sinks a little at the sight of Charles Town Port coming into view. That was it, the adventure was over. It could be months, maybe even years, till she got to come along again.

Being on land, trapped in that house could be tortured some days. Dana couldn’t wait till she was free, until she could sail a ship of her own.

“You need to get down Dana,” she hears Billy, her brother, say to her. “Pa said we’re docking soon.”

His footsteps grow quieter the further he walks away. Dana takes one good look at the water, says her goodbyes, and climbs down. She gathers her hair into a low ponytail and places her very own cocked-hat on her head, and runs towards the cabin.

.:.:.:.:.:.:.

“Can’t I come with you?”

Bags packed, ready to leave any moment, 11 year old Dana sits on the second to last stair watching as her father is about to set off to sea without her.

Her father kneels at the base of the stairs while her mother looks on. He places a hand atop of her clasped ones.

“I wish you could,” he tells her sincerely. “But the journey is too long. Even Billy isn’t going.”

Her brother is also with them, standing off to the side. His grunt tells her he is just as displeased with this arrangement as she is.

Dana pouts and looks towards the floor. It had been almost a year since her last trip, she was itching to go on another one.

“You’re going to miss my birthday.” The trip would last months, an order to be delivered to Spain.

“I will,” her father tells her, guilt laced in his voice. One of many birthdays missed. “But I promise I’ll bring you something back, okay?”

It would have to suffice. Her father had brought many things back with him for various missed birthdays, each gift different and better than the last, though her favourite was the snow globe he brought back from France. The thought of what he would bring her this time gives her a spark of excitement. A smile spreads across her face despite her disappointment. Dana nods.

“Good.” He flicks her nose and she giggles before launching herself into his arms. “I’ll miss you Ahab,” she says into his shoulder.

“I’ll miss you too, Starbuck.”

.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.

On March 7th, there are no presents. There is no father.

Coldness drifts its way through the house, silence following in it’s steps. Soon, her mother’s cries taken silence’s place as it drags through the rooms of the house. March 7th is a cold and harsh day.

Sorrow turns itself into rage, rips through her tiny body as she claws at her bedding and curtains, barrels drawers over, launches objects off her shelves with her arm, they come crashing to the ground.

Her room is a mess and Dana falls against the wall, her hands covering her face as sobs tear themselves out of her, grief pouring out of her.

In the centre of it all lies the snow globe. It catches her eyes and Dana crawls towards it. It’s partially cracked but mostly intact. A ship riding the waves of an ocean. She closes her eyes and holds the globe to her body, flopping down onto the heap.

.:.:.:.:.:.:.

Billy takes over the orders, becomes Captain of The Lassie.

Dana knew that the death of her father meant no more trips, that for the next six or so years, she would never be able to set foot on one. Just as her father was taken before her far too soon, Dana hadn’t wanted that same thing to happen.

On the day Billy was set to make his first orders as Captain, Dana had come barrelling down the stairs, desperate to tag along one last time.

Dressed in her pants, her hair tied back, the disguise she always wore, she begged her brother to let her come along.

“You take up too much space,” her brother had told her.

Dana had shook her head. “I’ll stay out of the way, please.” Desperation in her voice and on her face, she needed to ride the sea. “Pa always let me, regardless.”

“Aye,” says Billy. “And Pa could’ve got in a lot of trouble, like I can now. Besides, girls bring bad luck and I don’t think we want anymore of that.” He goes to grab his bags, to leave her behind. Dana’s heart sinks. Just one last trip…

Billy stops before he leaves, his head against the doorframe and a loud sigh exiting his mouth. He looks towards his sister who fights to keep the tears from her eyes.

“This is the last one.”

A smile spreads across her lips, tears turning into joy.

.:.:.:.:.:.:.

Dana would capture the smell of the sea in a bottle if she could, would place it on the shelf. The sea killed her father but it was still home regardless of its danger.

This trip was her last trip, and was treated as such. She arrived home, a clearer memory of the water in her mind, a smile on her face.

Her sailing clothes are taken from her, locked with a chest in her mother’s room. She keeps her hat, however, hides it at the back of her closet but the day she can take it out and wear it again.

The next day, the corsets feels tighter, an anchor keeping her in place. Her hair is brushed until the tangles are free and it shines. The smell of the sea is nothing more than a distant memory. Dana becomes a vessel docked on the shore.

[i-am-a-bad-influence-writes]

Boys are raised to be men. Part 2 - Facts of life

Series Masterlist - Bucky Masterlist - Full Masterlist

Summary: Things are different outside the city. When Bucky moves out of the city to live closer to his father’s best friend, Steve, he meets a peculiar girl from a strange family. She’s loved by everyone in the village and like him, she’s missing a limb. And, to Bucky’s surprise, she’s determined to make him part of her life.

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader

Word count: 3368

Author’s note: I am not disabled and I couldn’t ever imagine what it’s like. If you have anything to not about that aspect of the story, please send me a message so I can fix possible mistakes or misunderstandings in upcoming chapters. Also, let me know if you want to be tagged in future updates.

The street the Parker/Stark family lives on is a lively one. Most people have known each other since birth with a few odd ones out. When Peter first came to their street at four years old he adored the small village. He liked the way the end of the street leads to a meadow, he liked the playground across the street, and he liked that his sister was there to show him everything. Though most get rebellious around their teen years, you liked showing your little brother around. You were always a peaceful girl and you enjoyed having someone to take care of. That’s also how your spring Saturday group came to be. When Peter started making friends, you took it upon yourself to supervise them at least once a week so they could play in the meadow. And when Tony came into the picture, you would drag him along. Your mother adored seeing the three of you together in the meadow as it seemed to put all of you at ease. You never stopped doing your spring Saturday group. Not even when you lost your mother. You found comfort in seeing the children play. You dragged Peter along in hopes it would cheer him up as well but it never did. He found other ways to mourn. The one thing that you did do together every single year, without fail, is watching the cow dance. Watching the cows come outside for the first time after winter and seeing them buck and gallop in joy is the most wonderful thing to see. It gives a hopeful feeling. After every winter comes spring.

‘Y/n! Two men are waiting outside! Hurry up,‘ Tony yells up the stairs. ‘Don’t yell! I’m almost done,‘ you yell back as you check yourself in the mirror. Your red lipstick looks decent enough, you have done it better but you have done it worse as well. Hair, well, it’s still a bird’s nest but at least it looks nicer than it normally does when you throw it up in a bun to keep it out of your face. Leg? Feels good, seems to be on right, and on full display under your navy wrap dress. You wanted to put on a pair of pants but opted for a dress to make sure Bucky wouldn’t feel like the odd one out. The door to your room flies open and Peter rushes in, jumping straight onto your bed. ‘So you’ve got two toy boys now?‘ ‘Bugger off Peter, I don’t have toy boys,‘ you snap back, hopping on your good leg as you try to put a sock on your metal leg. Not that you need it. It’s just the normality in it. ‘So whatcha think about James?‘ You roll your eyes and sit down on the bed with him to put a sock on your good leg. Hopping on your metal leg isn’t exactly the most comfortable. You ruffle a hand through his hair as you get back up. ‘Why are you interested? From what dad told me, you almost ran when you saw him.‘ Peter pushes your hand away and huffs, crossing his arms in front of his chest like a little child. ‘Don’t blame me. The man looks like a damn gangster with his missing arm and all that.‘ You laugh. ‘I’ve got a missing leg. Am I a gangster now?‘ ‘He rides a motorcycle.‘ ‘First of all, I doubt that. Secondly, so do Thor and Natasha.‘ ‘They’re intimidating too,‘ he yelps, slightly offended at the notion that his own sister is not taking him seriously. ‘Thor couldn’t even hurt a fly if he tried. Okay, I’m off,‘ you chuckle, ‘don’t miss me too much.‘ You walk out of your room with Peter running after you. You close the door behind him while he stomps his way down the stairs. ‘Pick up your feet Peter!‘ ‘Yes miss Potts!‘ You come downstairs after him and do a little twirl for your dad and Pepper who are seated in the living room. ‘What do you think?‘ ‘Oh, you look stunning dear,‘ Pepper awes at you. Tony seems a little less satisfied. He’s used to your normal jeans and shirt combo that you had started to wear more and more in the past few years. Somewhere in his mind, he knows it’s to hide the leg but when you suddenly show this much skin he can’t help but be worried. Though, getting with someone was never a problem for you. Not even in your old jeans and worn-out t-shirts. ‘Yeah, I don’t like it. I don’t want another man sneaking out of my house in the morning, go change,‘ he tells you, gesturing you to go back upstairs. Pepper hits him in the chest with a surprised look on her face. ‘Tony, how dare you? She looks beautiful and I think she’s old enough to decide those things for herself,‘ Pepper defends her. ‘Thank you, Pepper,‘ you smile. ‘No problem dear.‘ ‘Fine,‘ Tony sighs, ‘but just go with the guy instead of bringing him here.‘ You laugh and wave them goodbye. You put on your tennis shoes in the hallway and your winter jacket as the nights can still get quite chilly. ‘You got your phone and keys,‘ Tony yells after you. You do a quick pat-down of your jacket. ‘I do!‘ ‘Have fun!‘ ‘Thanks, dad!‘ You open the door and skip over to the two men waiting for you. They don’t notice you being too deep in their conversation until you step between them and hook your arms around each of theirs. ‘Gents, ready to go?‘ ‘Always,‘ Sam grins at you. ‘Whatever you say doll,‘ Bucky smiles. He looks a lot more at ease in your opinion. You knew he would like Sam.

Crocker’s Folly is an old bar. The kind of bar that you go to, to drown your sorrows in a glass of whiskey while the barmaid shoots you knowing glances. It had been a while since Bucky went to a bar like that. Mostly because the people are friendly and tend to ask too many questions. When he lost his arm he didn’t want to be asked questions, so he’d rather drown his sorrows at home than at a bar. Though this is a nice change of pace. With the nicer spring weather, it seems the bar has opened its outside seating again and a group of people has already pulled some tables together to sit close to a fireplace that would surely be turned on when the night gets colder. You let go of the men by your sides and runs over to the group, throwing yourself around the necks of the two redheads sitting side by side. They cheer as they see the three arrive. Bucky feels a bit out of place. Sam notices and puts a hand on his shoulder. ‘Everyone, this is James Barnes, he goes by Bucky. Don’t ask me why because I do not know,‘ Sam tells the group, ‘Bucky, that’s Wanda, Natasha, Vision, don’t ask, Thor, Pietro, and Loki.‘ ‘You’re seriously going to introduce me with that embarrassing nickname but not the others,‘ Vision asks Sam. ‘Victor isn’t any better.‘ Vision sighs and leans back in his chair. Bucky can’t help but be a little confused at the display. Yet, he doesn’t ask any questions as he is bracing for questions about this arm but they never come. Instead, Thor and Pietro go to work on putting another table with the two they already have to widen the circle while Loki grabs the new arrivals some chairs. ‘Is everyone ready for another round? On me,‘ you announce as you make her way to the door. The group cheers in agreement. You slip inside, leaving Sam and Bucky with the group. Bucky decides to take the middle chair, leaving the chair next to the girls empty as Sam takes a seat next to Loki. ‘When’d you move here,‘ Pietro asks the guy in a thick, Russian accent. ‘A few days ago,‘ Bucky answers, ‘had to get out of the city.‘ Pietro lifts his, almost empty, glass at Bucky as if to accept his answer. He throws the last sip back and puts his glass back on the table. ‘You live next to old man Steve, right,‘ Natasha asks him, leaning forward a little to get a good look at him. Bucky nods. She nods at his nodding and leans back again. “What a strange woman,“ Bucky thinks. But before he can much more of an opinion, you come back outside with a man behind you who’s holding a tray of beer. You help him pass the beer around before you take a seat next to Bucky. ‘To our growing group of degenerates,‘ Sam jokes. The group calls cheers and brings their glasses to their lips, all taking a big sip. After that, it takes the group less than a few seconds to start chatting around. You happily explain everything that needs context to Bucky as the night progresses. ‘Are ya’ll going to the cow dance Saturday,‘ Thor asks the group, ‘not you Y/n, I know you’re taking the kids to see it.‘ ‘The kids,‘ Bucky asks. “Does Y/n have kids?” ‘I take the children in the village out to play every Saturday afternoon,‘ you quickly explain to him. ‘And the cow dance?‘ ‘When the cows come into the fields for the first time after winter,‘ you smile, ‘it’s fun. You should come.‘ ‘There’s a party at the pub after,‘ Sam whispers to him, ‘that’s the only reason all of us go.‘ ‘That’s no true,‘ you yelp in a laugh, ‘you’re all just “too masculine“ to admit you enjoy watching cows frolic.‘ ‘Okay, fair point,‘ Sam admits, ‘but the drinking is fun too.‘ You sigh. ‘Fine, yes, the drinking is fun too.‘

The later the night gets, the more the group divides into smaller groups. Thor, Loki, and Pietro have gone to sit with a group of girls in a darker corner. Wanda, Vision, Natasha, and the bartender, aka Bruce, are sitting on a few couches together and being all cute and couple-y. Sam got lost somewhere. And Bucky and you are still seated next to the heather. Bucky notices how you shoot glances at Pietro who is very obviously flirting with another girl. ‘Are you two a thing?‘ ‘No, it’s just sex,‘ you tell him straight up, ‘but there’s a rumor that that girl has an STD. I don’t like to believe rumors but I am wary when it comes to my sex life.‘ Bucky almost spits out the sip he just took because of the blunt words leaving your mouth. You laugh. ‘Oh come on, you didn’t think I was that innocent.‘ ‘Honestly, I did think that,‘ Bucky tells you between coughs. You smile and take a big swig from your beer, finishing it. ‘You’d be surprised how many people aren’t who they seem,‘ you tell him and get up, ‘you want another one?‘ He nods and watches you go inside. Wow. Little miss “I take the children in the village out to play in the field every Saturday“ isn’t innocent at all. Who would’ve thought? While you’re gone, he takes a second to scan the area. Wanda and Vision are obviously a couple and so are Natasha and Bruce. Then there’s Loki who, according to Y/n, wouldn’t be able to keep a stable relationship if his life depended on it. Thor, who is in love with a farmer’s daughter who doesn’t want him at all. From what Y/n just said, Bucky thinks Pietro is just trying to fuck the whole town. And then there’s Sam. It’s obvious to Bucky that Sam sees Y/n as a sister but he doesn’t seem to have any interest in other women. In fact, he doesn’t seem interested in anyone. Maybe he’s got a girl at home, maybe he’s interested in Y/n, maybe he’s just not interested. Sam raises his hand to greet Bucky and walks over, leaving the conversation he was having with another group of people to come sit with him. ‘Did the little lady leave you,‘ he teases, taking her seat on the opposite side of the table. ‘Nah, she just went to get drinks.‘ Sam takes a peek through the glass doors to see the girl standing at the bar, chatting with the bartender that’s still on shift. ‘You know, I see the way you look at her,‘ Sam tells him, ‘and I get it.‘ ‘I’m sorry?‘ ‘You like her, right?‘ ‘Well, yeah, but not like that,‘ Bucky tells him, ‘I just feel a bit closer to her because of the-‘ ‘The arm, leg thing. I get it,‘ Sam nods, ‘just know that she won’t want to talk about it, but I don’t think you want to talk about it either.‘ The look in Sam’s eyes is brotherly and protective like he’d do anything to keep Y/n happy. Bucky nods, shrinking in his jacket again. ‘Sam, don’t bully him,‘ you call over as you see the two, ‘and you took my chair.‘ The seriousness disappears from Sam’s face as he looks at you. ‘Don’t worry princess, I’ll get you another one,‘ Sam says and clumsily reaches over to an empty chair that is juuuuuust in reach if he leans over far enough. You roll your eyes and put the beers on the table, walk around Sam to grab the chair yourself. ‘Oh, beer,‘ Sam grins and takes one of them. ‘Don’t you dare birdbrain,‘ you snap at him in a joking way as you sit down on your chair. He slowly lifts the glass to his lips. ‘I swear to God, I’m going to castrate you.‘ Bucky laughs quietly. ‘Steve’s going to keep you to that,‘ he tells you. ‘As he should,‘ you reply and manage to snatch your beer from Sam’s hand before he can take a sip, ‘get your own beer you leech.‘ Sam pretends to have been hurt, putting his hand to his heart and crying in pain. ‘On princess, such cruel words from such an innocent mouth,‘ he whines out. ‘Oh shut up, you know my mouth isn’t innocent,‘ you jab back, making Bucky choke on his beer once again. ‘Dammit,‘ he coughs, ‘why do you have to be like this?‘ ‘You haven’t even heard half of it,‘ Sam laughs, ‘you’ll be dead before she’s done if you’re going to react like that every time she says something raunchy.‘ ‘Shut up,‘ you laugh, knowing what’s coming. ‘Am I lying though? Am I?‘ You playfully hit his shoulder. ‘Bucky, ask her how she got Pietro in her bed.‘ ‘Wha- I don’t want to.‘ ‘I don’t want him to either,‘ you chime in, starting to lose control over your laughter as you think back to that night. Jeez, you weren’t okay. Sam turns to Bucky, holding up his hands to be ready to tell this story as big as he can. ‘She grabbed a bottle opener from the bar, put it on his table, and she-‘ ‘No, don’t,‘ you beg, starting to laugh loudly. Your stomach already hurts. ‘She asked him what that was,‘ Sam says and gestures over to Bucky to tell him to answer the question. ‘A bottle opener.‘ ‘Exactly,‘ Sam says, a chuckle through his words, ‘and then she asked him what he was.‘ He takes a second to calm himself down. ‘Don’t say it,‘ you beg him, ‘I was so, so drunk.‘ ‘You weren’t, you had one beer,‘ Sam argues and turns back to Bucky, ‘she told him he was a leg opener.‘ Bucky bursts out in laughter louder than he imagined he would while you pull your legs up to your chest, hiding your face behind your knees as you wrap your arms around them. But you’re not ashamed, you’re just wheezing. ‘Please say it’s a joke,‘ Bucky begs you through laughter-induced tears. ‘It isn’t,‘ you manage to tell him. ‘Oh please tell me this happened when you two were alone.‘ ‘Nope, she did it right when we all sat down,‘ Sam tells him, ‘the man barely had a drink.‘ ‘I was horny okay,‘ you yelp in defense, setting your feet back on the ground. ‘You’re always horny,‘ Pietro yells from his seat. ‘Shut up, this ain’t about you,‘ you yell back. He laughs. ‘Tell them how you made me climb down the drainpipe to get out before your dad woke up,‘ he yells back. Bucky can’t help but be surprised at how open people are with sexuality in a village this small. You don’t seem to care that he just screamed that for everyone to hear and, from the looks you two get, everyone already seems to know.

Around one in the morning, everyone says their goodbyes. Though you told him it wasn’t necessary, Bucky insisted on walking you home and so you’re walking down the street together. At first, it was the whole group but as you got further down the street, more and more people dropped off. Now it’s just Bucky and you. ‘Say, I’ve been meaning to ask,‘ Bucky suddenly says. Your heartbeat rises. What is he going to ask? About your leg? About your family? ‘Why is everyone so okay with being sexual here?‘ You let out a breath you didn’t know you were holding. He gives her a confused look but you don’t address it. ‘Well, we don’t have many choices in partners,‘ you explain, ‘and since we are all friends, no one really cares who does who. Of course, people who are together are off-limits, but like with me and Pietro we do have casual sex but I’m not his only partner and he’s not my only partner.‘ ‘You have multiple partners?‘ ‘Not at the moment,‘ you tell him, ‘I was kind of starting to look for someone to settle down with but I was kind of coming to the conclusion that the one for me isn’t here. This is me.‘ They stop in front of your house. ‘So what’s next for you?‘ You shrug. ‘I don’t know. I might go work in the city for a while, see what’s there for me,‘ you smile slightly but your smile tells a million words. You don’t want to leave but you also don’t want to be on your own her whole life. You’re nearing the second half of your twenties and you’re still living at home because you hate to be alone. ‘How about you? Are you single?‘ ‘I am,‘ Bucky tries to suppress a smile, ‘never quite been in a relationship either.‘ Either the alcohol or this man’s presence pushes you straight into a flirty mood. He is quite handsome. You grin at him, pushing his chest playfully. ‘I’m sure you’re quite the ladies’ man. You’ve got the looks for it.‘ ‘Well, I used to be,‘ he smiles nostalgically, absentmindedly trying to cross his arms while having just one arm. He seems to catch himself in the act and tries to make it look like he was going to scratch his shoulder but you already noticed. ‘I get what you mean,‘ you say with a smile that’s just as pained as his, ‘took me a while to act like me again as well, but at least I win every game of hopscotch. Got enough practice when I didn’t have my prosthetic.‘ ‘And what would I excel at?‘ You stare at him for a second, biting your lip as you think. ‘Do you want me to be PG?‘ ‘Just go for it.‘ ‘Well, you do everything with one hand, so I’d say you’d be pretty great at pleasuring a woman.‘ ‘Okay, never mind, that’s it, that’s my limit,‘ he laughs, starting to move to walk away. You just give him this devious smile, this smile that could mean nothing good. ‘Sure, I’ll be here when you want to test my theory,‘ you wink at him. ‘Let me take you for dinner first doll,‘ he teases back. ‘Now you’ve gone too far,‘ you chuckle, ‘I take free food very seriously.‘ He laughs at your response, finally starting to walk away. ‘Good night Y/n.‘ ‘Night!‘

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Taglist:  @nickkie1129

[quarantined-with-bucky]

I Was Good To You

Bucky x Reader

Words: ~ 4,000 (lol sorry)

Summary: You were good to Bucky

Warnings: Angst

A/N: I really love the song “you were good to me” by Jeremy Zucker and Chelsea Cutler (actually they have a lot of good songs, together and separately). But I felt like this song needs to be read from the opposite perspective literally every time I hear it, hence this fic. It’s a little different than what I have written so far, so I hope you still enjoy it! I put some of the original lyrics in the fic as quote-block format; it’s mostly in the reader’s POV and I’m sorry in advance for having to do Bucky like this – it just fits the song.

...

It was a fairly new relationship. And while you and he were both equally cautious about taking said new relationship too fast, it couldn’t be helped that the two of you were inseparable. From the day you met, he had been invested in you – your life. He claims it was because he was frozen for so long; because he didn’t know how to live “normally” in the twenty-first century. He went from World War II to Hydra to today. While that made perfect sense to you, a part of you always wondered if it was something more. Sure, Bucky had never had the chance to (and likely will never the chance to) live mundanely. He won’t ever work a 9 to 5 job, he won’t spend nights cooking and washing dishes, he won’t be doing lawn maintenance, working on a dingey car, or grocery shopping (and then forgetting your grocery list at home). You thought that he may have attached himself so quickly to you so he could partly experience the normalcy of civilian life. Not that you were complaining.

He often spent nights at your house, sleeping in your too-small bed, sitting on your countertop, and lounging on your loveseat. Waking up next to him was heaven. If you weren’t securely wrapped in his arms, head laying on his bulky torso, then he was using your chest as a pillow, the weight of him almost making it impossible to breathe. But that extra weight was calming; he may have even been the weighted blanket that has been sitting in your Amazon cart for well over four months. You’d wake up from an uninterrupted night of bliss, fingers running through his long hair, Bucky refusing to get up until you promised pancakes.

But then, three months into it, he left. Its not like he had a choice, you reminded yourself, its his job. And you were well aware of it – he made you aware of it. He told you he would be gone for three weeks. And that’s fine; you could spare less than a month of your life for the good of the rest of the world? It felt almost selfish to think that way. He wasn’t yours; he had to save the world, he belonged to the world – to himself.

So, you tried to keep yourself busy to distract yourself. But there really wasn’t much to do; hobbies you once enjoyed felt exhaustive and boring. The issue is you used to do everything with him: eat, work, eat, shower, sleep. Now it’s eat alone, work alone, eat alone, shower alone, sleep alone; each task a glaring reminder how desolate it was.

Floating, but I feel like I’m dying

Your routine felt like nothing – it just felt empty, the way that it lacked conversation, playfulness, fun, it lacked him. Nothing, in fact, felt real. You walked around the neighborhood and it felt like a fever dream, like you were gliding along the sidewalks. Not a single thought roamed through your mind, just the absence of what used to be. The days always went by painstakingly slow, but every Friday night you wondered how the week had gone by so quickly.

Your friends invited you out on the weekend, and while you mostly said no, they made sure to drag you out a couple times. The company was honestly welcome, it just felt like an empty effort to get dressed up and go to the bar when you really would rather be there (or home – in bed) with someone else. But by the time your friends got you in a routine to go out, Bucky came back home to you.

Months went by while the two of you were attached at the hip, smiles never leaving either of your mouths.

You woke up one morning to a heavy figure sprawled across half of your naked body. Yawning and trying your best to inhale a breath with his chest laying directly on top of yours, you flexed your arms and legs straight out, cracking a few joints that had been overused just a few hours ago. Bucky’s eyes popped open, his blue iris’s peering into your own. He rubbed an eye-booger away with the palm of his hand and started off the morning with “I have to leave tonight.”

You were confused and you knew he could read it on your face. “No good morning?” You joked haphazardly, trying your best not to blurt out every thought racing across your mind at that moment – the main one being what the fuck?

“’M sorry, baby,” he mumbled, still half asleep, pushing his face into the corner of your neck, planting a wet kiss to your shoulder, then your collarbone, then your jaw.

“How long do you think you’ll be gone for?” Your fingers traced up and down his back, nicking on the scratches you left last night; nearly healed but you knew they were there.

He hummed and lifted his head to press a kiss to your lips. “Couple weeks.” Another kiss. “I’m not sure.” That being said, you didn’t bring it up again. It was better to spend the day binging pancakes and watching movies in bed than discussing it any further.

I know it’s easier to run

After everything I’ve done

It was finally time for him to leave. After all your distraction kisses didn’t work. As soon as the clock hit 8:00 pm, he stood, despite you feigning sleep beside him. He leaned over you on the bed and held a head to your cheek, then pushed the hair from your face. You opened your eyes, holding his hand in yours. He stood there for a moment that felt like an eternity, just watching each other with sad eyes. “I wish I could stay,” he murmured.

You nodded, unable to find your voice. As he straightened back up, you stood next to him, pulling a shirt on and following him to the door. After opening the door, he cupped your face with both his hands and pulled you close to him. “See you soon, okay, doll?” If this was his best reassurance tactic, it wasn’t very good. You met his mouth in an open-mouthed kiss, tongues swiping over each other, exchanging the words you couldn’t find earlier. Slowly, he kissed you back, releasing a long breath as he pulled away.

And then you did it.

“I love you.”

And then you regretted it.

He stared back at you, eyes scanning over the whole of your face: faltering smile, eyebrows drawn together, eyes suddenly glazed with worry.

“Goodbye, (Y/N).”

He turned and shut the door without looking back or saying another word. He really left. He really ran away.

Tears welled up into your eyes. Like that morning, the only thought you could process: what the fuck? albeit, this time, it was a little angrier than before. What did that mean? You immediately assumed he was done with you. But the more you laid on your bed, sobbing your eyes out into your pillow, the more that didn’t make sense. There’s no way he wanted to breakup with you – he was so happy before he left. Maybe he just didn’t love you? Maybe he loved you but he just wasn’t ready to say it? And honestly, knowing Bucky, it was most likely the last option. He enjoyed spending every waking moment with you doing the most absolute boring tasks; you don’t just suffer like that if you don’t love that person.

Then again, despite agreeing to take this relationship slow, he surely did not have a problem basically moving into your house and sleeping with you (which you would’ve assumed to be a much greater step than saying “I love you,” considering he was from 1917 where usually the order is reversed).

All that worrying seemed to be in vain. He returned to you no later than 13 days after.

You pulled open to your front door only to find a sheepish-looking Bucky on the other side. His hands were tucked into his pockets, shoulders shrugged unusually high as he stared directly at the ground. But as soon as that door swung open and he saw you standing bewildered on the other side, he grabbed you by the waist and pulled you off the ground against his chest. He hummed softly into your collarbone, “I missed you.”

And suddenly your heart began beating out of your chest. You hands found his hair and you gently untangled the knots, while you shut your eyes and breathed in his earthy scent. So, you’d been right: Bucky was just weird. You didn’t want to relive that scene from two weeks ago, instead opting to relax in his arms. “I missed you, too.”

Growing, but I’m just growing tired

Now I’m worried for my soul

And I’m still scared of growing old

As time went on, him leaving became more frequent. You couldn’t help the fact that they were getting a lot of new leads. Honestly, you couldn’t be more grateful to have Bucky. Not only is he the light of your life, but invariantly the same for everyone else in the world. His job was to protect people and you couldn’t imagine the world if he wasn’t off doing what he did so well. But they became more frequent and longer. Lately, it had felt like the two of you had spent more time apart than together.

Laying on the couch, his cheek resting atop of your chest, his torso and hips nestled between your legs, you broke the calm silence. “So next Friday’s my birthday,” you mumbled.

He chuckles in response, tilting his head up to meet your gaze. “Is this your way of reminding me to get you a gift? Because don’t worry, doll, I already got you something.” He winked and set his cheek back to his original position, softly shutting his eyes as you curled a lock of his hair around your finger.

“No,” you giggle back, rolling your eyes to yourself. “I want to take a trip. I think we should get away for the weekend.” You released the strand of hair, instead running your hand over the back of his neck. “What do you think?”

He sits up immediately, no disregard for your hands, and shakes his head. “(Y/N), you know that I can’t. What if they need me and I’m not here?”

You bite your lip, quickly searching for something to say. And what you blurt out actually happens to be the dumbest thing you’ve ever said. “Aren’t there like a million Avengers? I think you can take one weekend off.”

Now he rolls his eyes and scoffs. “(Y/N), you can’t be serious. You know it doesn’t work like that.” And at this point, you’re not sure if he’s talking about the Avengers not working like that or if your relationship doesn’t work like that – after all, he still never said “I love you” back. Not when he came home that time, not when he left for the next mission, not for your one-year anniversary, and not after the fact he realized that date occurred while he was away on work.

“I know, but – ”

“I’m sorry,” he interrupts, his tone harsh. “But no.” The way his jaw sets and eyes narrow at you doesn’t make you think he’s very sorry.

Staring back at him, you nod, getting up from the couch before he can see the tears well up in your eyes (for the record, he saw them). “I’m tired, Buck. Goodnight.” And with that, you scurried off to your bedroom. You locked the door and fell onto the bed, silently letting the tears fall down your cheeks. You buried your face into your pillow, throwing his against the wall, the smell of your bed – that smelled like him – pissing you off beyond belief.

Was this going to be your life? Constantly leaving, never saying “I love you” when everything he does clearly shows that he’s in love with you. There as a point in your life when you thought men were confusing. But, damn, James Barnes is a whole new story.

He clearly got the message that he’d be sleeping on the couch that night. He didn’t disturb you for the rest of the night – he didn’t even try. Could he hear you sobbing in your room? You could only assume yes. But that clearly didn’t make a difference to him.

But that’s okay. You’ve learned how to console yourself, how to calm yourself down during a panic attack, how to make the tears stop on your own.

That would become your reality. Would that be your future? Bucky talked about the future – quite a lot, actually, especially for being the one who won’t say “I love you.” He wanted to settle down, he wanted the future that was taken away from him years ago: to eventually settle down, raise little babies, grow old with you. He surely liked to talk about it, but never show it. There had to be some way he could ask Steve to take a weekend off. If he was reluctant to do it now, would he ever? Or would you just live in the shadows of his life, tying down the house alone, raising babies alone, growing old alone.

The next morning, you woke up to Bucky next to you in bed. He stroked your hair until you opened your eyes (that you could only assumed were swollen and red). He had apologized for the night before, pleaded for you to understand, and even gave you your birthday gift early. While you decided to forgive him, for the sake of the universe, you still couldn’t bury the hatchet completely. You weren’t going to show it, but what you were thinking about was important, and dammit you were justified in asking yourself those questions. (Even more justified to ask him those questions, but it was just never the right time).

And I’m so used to letting go

But I don’t want to be alone

One day, months later, your grandfather had passed away. It came as quite a shock, and it took you a few hours to even process the fact that he was gone. You’d been through countless calls with other family members and friends checking in on you. And while everyone meant well, every call resulted with you in a rush to hang-up, falling into a fit of sobs as you ended each call.

He had basically raised you since you were born and the fact that he had been ripped away from you so suddenly had burned you even more. Despite how sad you were, however, you had to be glad that you were able to fall apart in Bucky’s arms. Holding you tightly, reassuring you yet never telling you you’re overreacting. As someone who had been around loss his whole life, he definitely understood and thought it best to let you express your feelings earnestly.

That’s why, when Steve Rogers called his phone later that night, you couldn’t help but express your feelings very earnestly.

“Bucky, no, you’re not going.” You were sitting up in bed, in the middle of the night, darkness swallowing the room as Bucky stood to dress, not even bothering to turn on the lamp beside him.

“(Y/N), I have to. Please, don’t make this hard, baby.” His hand reached out to touch your cheek if only for a moment before he continued to dress and gather his things.

Tears fell down your cheeks freely, your voice coming out cracked as you begged him once more. It might have been pitiful, from his eyes, you’d assume. You were only one step away from looking like a sobbing toddler making grabby hands at her favorite toy. “Please, Bucky. You can’t leave me alone right now.” A sob rips through your throat and you nearly scream. “I’m always alone. I don’t want to be alone right now.”

You’d done the research: there were at least 12 Avengers nowadays. You didn’t know who was in what galaxy, but you were positive that one of them could take his place. Its not like he even really had superpowers. He was basically an enhanced man – plus they already had one of those? Surely, he could be spared this time around.

He shakes his head but sits down to pull you in his arms. “Baby, please. You can’t do this to me.”

And it takes everything in your whole being to not scoff. Do this to him? What exactly are you doing to him? Oh, just something he does to you on the weekly basis. You swallow your tears and shove him away. You don’t know what made you pull a complete 180, but it did finally feel good to get some things off your chest that had been plaguing your mind recently. “You always leave. I’m used to it.”

He opens his mouth to speak. Nothing comes out. He watches you pull the covers over yourself and turn away from him. He closes his mouth and leaves the room.

God only knows where our fears go

Hearts I’ve broke, now my tears flow

You’ll see that I’m sorry

Cause you were good to me

It was the post-mission jitters. The remnants of the adrenaline from earlier that day still coursed through his veins as he paced back and forth around the jet, eagerly anticipating his return to you.

“What’s up yours?” Sam asks, eyes narrowed at Bucky, clearly in confusion but also in annoyance.

Bucky stops in his tracks, eyes wide, feeling as though he had been invisible for the whole plane ride. He shrugs, and as Sam raises an eyebrow, he offers an explanation: “I’ve gotta see (Y/N).”

A grin breaks out on Sam’s face. He falls back in his chair, throws a hand over his heart and pretends to faint. “Oh, you have to see your lover. I’m Bucky, I’m so in love,” he mimics in a high-pitched voice.

Where Bucky normally would threaten to beat Sam to within an inch of his life, he couldn’t bring himself to do anything. He stood, staring at Sam’s hideous imitation of himself – he swears his heart stopped beating. “Yes, exactly.”

Sam chokes and stutters a “what?” before Steve interrupts them from the cockpit.

“We’re landing, guys. Buck, grab a seat.” So, Bucky does exactly what he’s told, plopping himself into the seat across from Sam, ignoring all the questions and comments from the man across from him.

God, he mentally kicks himself. It’s been almost two years. Two years you let him treat you like that. Now, while Bucky doesn’t think he’s done anything outwardly wrong and had obviously never purposely tried to hurt you, maybe he could’ve been a little better regarding work. Maybe he could’ve taken that weekend off with you.

You really consumed his whole life. His thoughts were constantly about you (mostly sweet and innocent, sometimes dirty), he constantly wanted to be by you, talking, laughing, touching.

He made up his mind before the plane even lands. The last mission is over, and new – personal – one begins.

He leaves the complex, stopping by the florist to buy the biggest bouquet of roses he can get his hands on. A grin is itching at his mouth as he anticipates your reaction during the rest of his drive. His heart is racing – in a good way. In a way he hasn’t felt in, well, forever. His confidence is at an all-time high as he’s never felt surer of himself in his life.

He’s already planned it out. You’ll open the door and he’ll scoop you up in his arms, hand you the flowers, and finally say “I love you.” He doesn’t know what took him so long anyway.

And now I’m closing every door

Cause I’m sick of wanting more

You know he didn’t get to decide when he left and for how long he’d be gone.

But he did get to decide his priorities. And honestly, you weren’t even sure if you were one of them anymore.

You were torn because you know how much his work means to him. Not only was it his calling, but it was something he thought was important to use his good work as a means to make up for all the bad things he’s done in the past. And while you’ve told him multiple times that that’s definitely not how it works, nothing will change his logic. So, you’ve stood by him; if it was important to him, it was important to you. Of course, you wanted to see your boyfriend exceed, feel fulfilled.

Now, you were just tired of seeing Bucky like that when it cost you everything. He was your everything. You had a job, yes, a home, a family. But the one person you were supposed to be with – actually be with – didn’t value you the same as his job. And thinking that to yourself just has to be the worst, most necessary wake-up call you need.

That was all you needed. You sat at your desk with a pen and a piece of paper. You couldn’t even think of an opening line for about two hours. Sitting there, chewing the inside of your cheek, you wrote countless paragraphs, scrapping some, keeping others, adjusting sentences, trying not to sound too mean – then having to start over because your teardrops fell onto the paper and smudged the ink.

All in all, it took you two days to write him the note – note turned letter. You folded it in three, left it on his pillow. As you placed it down, you broke out in tears. Falling to your knees, you shoved your face into the mattress, wailing into the sheets one last time. It remarkably still smelled of Bucky’s soap; probably just god handing you one more gut-wrenching blow.

You’d spent the night on the couch, unable to bear the sight of that letter or the smell of those blankets. The next morning, you tried to keep your head as clear as possible. No breakfast (no more pancakes with Bucky), no music (no reminders of your song), no phone (no messages from Bucky). It was time to leave. Time to leave this house, this life, this relationship. You’d quickly shoved a few bags full of clothes and necessities and threw them in the back of your car, not looking back. Just like he did after you’d told him you loved him.

Swear I’m different than before

I won’t hurt you anymore

Cause you were good to me

He practically skips up the steps. Knocking first, he rocks up and down on his tip-toes unable to contain his excitement anymore. Not getting an immediate response, he knocks again.

It would make sense that you weren’t home if it was work hours, but it was 7:00 pm. Bucky was thrown-off; you’d be at home eating dinner right now. Chalking it off to maybe you were in the bathtub, he digs around in his pocket for the key. Pushing the door open, he cautiously looks around the kitchen, then the dining room and living room, unable to find you. The bathroom was empty, and you hadn’t responded to him calling your name, echoing throughout the house.

He pulled out his phone while carefully kicking the bedroom door open with his foot. Straight to voicemail. Voicemailbox full. He tosses the roses beside him on the bed and sits on the edge, nearly ready to go searching again before a piece of paper catches his eye.

His heart drops.

It sinks.

There’s not a time in his whole one-hundred-year existence that he’d felt this much anticipation and fear.

He grabs the letter with shaking hands, carefully unfolding it and his eyes are fixated on the date you’d scribbled at the top of the page. Two months ago.

[mavda]

Beast Tamers

Ch.1 |  Ch.2 | Ch.3 | Ch.4(1) | Ch.4(2) | Ch.5(1) | Ch.5(2) | Ch.5(3) | Ch.5(4) | Ch.6(1) |

Ch.6: To seal a Beast (2)

Naruto opens his eyes and the moment he is conscious the pain starts to creep up on his body. He whimpers as he realizes he can't do much to alleviate the burning that courses from the tip of his feet to the top of his head. He starts breathing fast, too fast, and he starts crying the next moment. A wail of pain and need the maids pick up on immediately.     There is a rustle outside his room he tunes out as his discomfort grows with every second.     "Go get Lord Minato," one of the maids instruct to the guards outside. The two women check on him from the sliding door, and they try their best to soothe him without touching him. But Naruto is already full on crying and rustling on his bed.     Minato appears in a second outside, rushes through the doors and kneels beside his son with worry etched on his face. His hands touch his child and the moment he realizes nothing is really wrong with him aside from the burning from the seal, he calms. Minato wraps Naruto as much as he can with his bedclothes and brings him to his chest. The child clings to him and although he stops crying, he whimpers for his mommy between hiccups. And Minato's heart breaks for the umpteenth time this day.

    "My lord," a maid starts. Worried for the smell of burnt skin that slowly fills the room.     "It's okay," Minato cuts her, because what father could deny his son the touch of his skin for fear of a slight burn?     "Shall I call for a medic?" Asks the other maid.     "No, they are all busy already."     The maids fidget in their spots, and Minato sends them away. They try to argue that they can take care of the young lord, but Minato knows they won't touch him in fears of being hurt. They won't get close in fears of his seal breaking.     The door closes and Minato doubles over, crushes Naruto against himself, his little whimpers fill his ears, and Minato cries.     Silent, because no one needs to see him breaking. Alone, because he doesn't believe people will understand what he's going through. He cries and his chest hurts. They have taken everything from him.     His wife...     Naruto calls for his mother again and it only makes Minato hurt more.     Poor child.     Poor, poor child.     Forced to become a vessel at such a young age, forced to lose his mother, forced to become the head of the clan without a mentor.     Kushina would have guided him with such care, Kushina would have helped him shape himself to become an excellent man.     So Minato vows to protect his son with the care of a desperate man.     His son, the only trace of his love with Kushina. His son, the new vessel for the Nine-tails beast. His son, the new head of the Uzumaki clan.

Lady Mito finds Minato in his room, it's deep into the night and he's checking documents and reports one after the other. A candle lights his reading and at his back Naruto rests, sleeping soundly.     Mito gives a few steps into the room and falls to her knees.     Her face is stricken with tears and soot from the burning houses around the compound. Her hands still have traces of blood from her daughter, as she couldn't bear to say goodbye without bringing her to her bosom. She had been far away, far enough to only arrive now. Far enough to come back to a dead daughter, and the Beast sealed inside her grandson.     The Beast sealed inside her grandson. A child.     Minato looks at her, silent, and as Mito starts to open her mouth in an attempt to speak, as only little whines come out of her mouth, Minato stands, grabs the candle and checks on Naruto once more before going towards her.     "Maybe we should take this outside?" He asks, and there is not a hint of pain, rage, or sadness in his voice, and that somehow makes it harder for Mito to bear.     Minato lets her rest her weight on him. The moment they stand outside the room the change is immediate and yet measured. Minato's face fills with tears, but he makes no sound. Mito can see now that his eyes are red, that his face is haggard.     "I'm sorry," she whispers, because what else can she say.     Minato nods, closes his eyes in pain, "No one's at fault."     Mito looks back to his room, where Naruto is sleeping. "He..."     "I didn't have any other choice," Minato whispers, fast and almost unintelligible, "Kushina got pierced through her chest and the seal was going out of control," Minato remembers her face. The surprise, the confusion. "I got her a medic, but they couldn't do anything and the Nine-tails chakra grew and grew, so-" he stops, horrified at what he had to do. "I-"     "I... understand."     Minato lets his head hang, his breathing is erratic and Naruto's condition comes to the forefront of his mind. "Mito," he whines, "the Nine-tails chakra seeps out of him."     "The seal-"     "It's not the seal..." Minato raises his hands, covered in bandages, and then moves the clothes covering his neck, where Mito can clearly see charred skin. "It burns the skin, it charres clothing. Mito, he-" his voice breaks and he drags his hand over his hair, "his skin is falling off in some places."     Silence.     A day. A day since the attack, 24 hours and the beast's chakra is obviously too much for the child. "I should have been here."     "No one knew about this, Mito, don't blame yourself."     "Pass the Beast to me."     Minato shakes his head no, but Mito insists.     "With your sealing techniques you could do it, right?"     "You will die."     "So what? If we do nothing, then he will."     Minato looks her in the eye, hates that this is being placed unto him, hates that he is considering it.     "We can't," he says. And Mito gets close to his face.     "Why?"     "The seal is barely holding on, the seeping chakra is enough of a telltale, if we do anything to the seal before it can settle he..."     Mito falls back, her lips tremble and the tears start falling again. "When then?"     "When the seal settles, when it wears off on its own. Then, maybe we can try to do that."     "When will that be?"     "I don't... I don't know."

Hinata sits right beside Naruto. His breathing is hot and irregular, he's running a fever and the few times he has waken up he has turned to the side, grabbed the little basin next to him and threw up.     He would look at her, smirk and tell her that everything was all right.     And Hinata can only stay besides him, wipe his sweat off and stare out the window. Useless.     Lord Minato stayed till Naruto first regained consciousness and then left to keep as if nothing had ever happened. The man who had transformed into Lord Minato, Kakashi, is now guarding the place alongside Sai. Sakura had presented them to her, said that Sai is to become Hinata's personal guard, and that Kakashi is the leader of the special division under the clan head. Kakashi is silent, and although sharp and clearly capable, his attitude is aloof. Sai, on the other hand, is pale as a sheet and has a perpetual smile on his face, he speaks all of the right things at the right times and made sure to tell Hinata that they were there to assist in whatever she needed. Hinata hadn't called for them at all.      Hinata has not called for anyone else, for that matter. She helped Lord Minato bring Naruto back to his room and then remained next to him, dabbing his face to clean his sweat, keeping the wet cloth at his forehead fresh, and waiting for him to wake up and help... with whatever.     Lord Minato, Sakura, even Sai have told her that she doesn't need to stay here. That if anything happened she would be called. But she can't bring herself to walk away from this, from him.     She had thought her clan techniques were going to help. That her marrying into this family was of some consequence...     Is there any surprise that she can't help at all?     She understands that this is out of her hands, and yet she can't shake the feeling of uselessness creeping up on her. The moment Lord Minato had left to keep up appearances she had felt revolted. Naruto was laying in his bed, whining and tossing and turning, and he left? She understands that this is to prevent suspicion, to keep Naruto's situation under wraps, to prevent an attack, but...     Naruto had woken up, disoriented and shaken up. He had thrown up and without missing a beat, had called for his father. Hinata had thought it was a call for comfort, was ready to give it herself, but the moment she had told him that Lord Minato had gone back to his usual routine, Naruto had sighed in relief. "Good," as he spat into the basin, rested his head on the pillow and went to sleep in a second.     And Hinata understood.     Of course he wishes to stay with his son. She had seen his face before, of course he doesn't want to be away from him at this moment.     Naruto is the one who asks.     Naruto, who decided to marry her because his father had asked.     Naruto, who decided to love her in spite of being forced into an arranged marriage.     Naruto, who takes his responsibilities with a seriousness Hinata can't help but admire.     Of course it's Naruto who asks.     And of course everyone says okay.

Minato comes back late that night. Every report came back normal, and nobody has even noticed Naruto's absence.     Good.     He walks towards his son's room, looking to see him up and well. Like before. But Kakashi doesn't look him in the eye and even Sai is silent.     Lady Hinata is crouched over Naruto, dabbing his face with a wet cloth. Careful, conscientious, she barely hears him enter and she turns around when he's close enough to cast a shadow. She says nothing, but Minato sees worry in her furrowed brows.     "Lady Mito s-said he usually wakes u-up in the evenings."     That's right, Minato wants to say. But he gets closer, looms over his son, and dread starts to fill his body.     Yes, this type of things made him feel sick, and throw up, and feel awful, but he usually woke up half a day later, maybe at night, but he powered through. Naruto, who hates to see people fretting over him, over that damned beast inside of him. He would wobble and hurt and he would smile through all of it. And he would wake.     "Is th-this b-bad?" ventures Lady Hinata, already seeing through Minato.     "I don't know," he kneels on Naruto's other side, rests his hand on Naruto's chest. "This is unusual, yes, but we can't really know if it's bad," he lies.     Lady Hinata rests her hands on her lap and remains silent. Minato knows she's not dumb, but she accepts his explanation anyways, because just like Naruto, she's nice.     Maybe too much for their own good.     "How..." she starts, and Minato raises his eyes to her, "how many ti-times has his seal been re-reinforced?"     Minato answers without even thinking, "Thee times, Lady Hinata. This is the third time..."     "When...?"     "The Beast was sealed inside him when he was four, then we reinforced it when he was eleven, then seventeen... and now, twenty-three years old."     The numbers come quickly to Hinata, and she repeats them again and again inside her head. "Is my t-technique supposed to h-help with the seal?"     "Yes, but no,"Minato frowns as he looks at Naruto again, "your technique can't affect the seal, what your technique is supposed to do is help Naruto keep his chakra paths clear and as consequence help him not... need this as much..." Naruto whines and turns his head to the side. Hinata rearranges the wet cloth at his forehead with care. "The Nine-tails chakra is too powerful and it puts a strain on Naruto. He's... strong, and we've helped him learn to control his body as well as his output of energy, and yet... it's not enough. The Beast's chakra clogs his own chakra points and overburdens them, I'm sure-"     "I've s-seen them."     Minato scoffs, "Of course you have. Naruto has been praising your technique for anyone to hear since the moment he met you."     There's an exchange of smiles between them and Hinata has to cover her smile to hide her blushing. She feels herself grow sad immediately after.     "We're doing everything we can to help him, Lady Hinata," Minato adds, staring at her, trying to comfort her, "we are always on the lookout for anything new regarding seals, for ways to help keep his body healthy... anything."     Hinata nods but says nothing in fears of crying.     "Just... focus on having a happy life, all right? Naruto will wake up, if not now, in the morning. Don't worry. I know your marriage has a little bit of a burden placed upon it, but he has at least 10 full years to spend with you, all right?"     Hinata hides her face by looking at her hands. Ten? Just ten? And the tears pool at her eyes and start falling directly into her folded hands.     "And we will do our best to lengthen it as much as we can, my lady, so..."     Minato trails off, and even he can't keep on talking. Because even he's not sure Naruto will have those ten years. Everything is up in the air. Their predictions, their hopes, all but thoughts and wishes no one can be certain about.     So after a bout of silence, Minato stands, sits next to Hinata and lets his hand rest at her back.     "Whatever happens, we will be there for you both, all right? I can assure you that."     Hinata nods, whimpers an unintelligible thank you. Minato pats her back twice and then stands.     "We will station guards outside if you need anything."     Hinata lets her tears fall, checks on Naruto again and prepares herself to sleep. Right besides him, a little ways away as he turns so often, but with a hand close to his body. A hand that checks his face one last time before resting at his shoulder.     His fever is going down. He will wake up.     He will wake up.

[jobean12-blog]

Lucky Charm

Pairing: Bucky x reader (Fireman!Bucky AU)

Word Count: 2,091

Summary: Bucky rescues you in more ways than one. 

Author’s Note: This is for two things: The HBC’s @the-ss-horniest-book-club​ continuation of drunk drabbles and the prompt sent in below as well as the HBC’s 24 hour surprise challenge: Quarantine Heroes. I went with the Fireman AU because well, Bucky as a fireman is amazing and I have a very special one in my family. Thank you to all the amazing people out there working to keep us safe, love to you all, always! Thank you for sending in the prompt, hope you don’t mind I combined it with my story! Thank you all for reading! LOVE❤❤❤

Warnings: fluff, lots of smiling and flirting, implied smut, Bucky being a fireman, sweet fluffy fluff, DOG NOSES! :) 

Walking down the aisle of the grocery store you search for your favorite cereal. Finally spotting a few boxes on the very top shelf you stop your cart and look around mumbling to yourself, “how the hell am I going to reach that?” You step on the bottom shelf and test its strength, watching as it bows under the pressure of your foot.

“Nope.” you say to yourself and back up.  “Hey, doll, need some help?” You whirl around, hand over your heart as you lock eyes with one of the most handsome men you’ve ever seen. His smile crinkles the corners of his eyes as you take in his gear; tight navy tee shirt, suspenders resting across his broad shoulders and chest and black protective pants. It takes you a moment to find your voice, “yes, please. I can’t reach my cereal.”

Tearing his eyes away from you he looks up, “which one can I grab for ya, doll.” He’s only called you doll twice but you’re certain you want to hear it fall from his lips for the rest of your life. A blush coats your cheeks as you murmur, “Lucky Charms.” His smile widens as he reaches up and grabs 4 boxes. “Here you go, one for you, and three for us. The guys love this stuff too.”

You rock back and forth on the balls of your feet, hugging the box of cereal, “thanks for coming to my rescue.” His laugh rings through the aisle and you can’t help your own giggle from escaping. “Anytime, doll, it’s my job,” he says with a wink. “I’m James by the way, but everyone calls me Bucky.”

“Nice to meet you, Bucky. I’m y/n.” “Barnes!!! Barnes, quitcha flirting and let’s go, I’m hungry.” With one last dazzling smile Bucky bids you farewell, “pleasure is all mine, y/n, hope to see ya around.” You watch him jog off toward the other guys, the one who yelled for Bucky giving you a wink and a wave. You wave back, turning around quickly to hide your ear to ear grin.

The next morning you wake to sunshine and a cool breeze coming in through the open window. You sit up and watch your dog do her downward dog off the bed, immediately nosing you for breakfast. You both have a bite to eat then decide it’s too nice not to head out for a morning walk.

As soon as the warm sunshine hits your face you’re reminded of Bucky and his smile, warmth now flooding through your body for a different reason. You round the corner, mind far away as you keep going over your run in with the handsome fireman from yesterday.

It isn’t until you almost trip over Huckle’s leash that you hear a voice calling your name. Turning toward the sound you watch as Bucky jogs toward you, “hey y/n!!! I wasn’t sure I’d ever get your attention.” You both laugh as he bends down to pet your dog. “And who is this cutie?”  he asks in his best ‘omg I love dogs’ voice. “That’s Huckle!”

He continues rubbing her chest and sides, laughing as Huckle licks his face, “I think she likes me.” Bucky finally stands and you take a moment to get another good look at him. You never thought suspenders could look so good. “She loves walks and it was such a nice morning we had to come out and enjoy it,” you explain.

“Beautiful,” he hums, his eyes looking you over. Your skin tingles under his heated gaze and you finally remember how to speak, “what are you doing out here.” He turns his head and points to the firehouse, “at work. I saw you walking by and had to say hi.”

“I’m glad you did. I hope I’m not taking up too much of your time.” He motions for you to follow him, “not at all, doll, in fact, you’ll have to come say hi to the guys now because they’ve been staring at us the whole time and I’ll get endless shit over it if I don’t introduce you properly.”

Your stomach drops, nervousness instantly taking over as you walk slowly behind him, “are you sure, Bucky, I don’t want to be in the way or anything.” This time he grabs your hand and pulls you along, “not at all, it’s a quiet morning.”

The door to the firehouse is open and you see the other firemen perched in various positions by the opening, a couple of them holding bowls of Lucky Charms. The one who winked and waved to you yesterday stands up and yells, “hey look it’s our lucky charm.” Bucky leans down next to your ear and whispers, “just ignore them, they live to tease anyone they can.”

Knowing your cheeks must be as red as the engine you dip your head and laugh, “hey guys!” Bucky stops with his hands on his hips, “ok, enough Wilson, save it for her next visit.” The whole group erupts into snickers and whistles, “you plan on having her back then, Barnes, yeah!” Bucky turns a grinning face to you, “this is the first time I’ve brought a girl around.”

Now it’s your turn to give him a bright smile, “well, I certainly feel special.” Huckle strains on her leash as she pulls you closer inside. The guys crowd around to pet her much to her glee and it gives you and Bucky a quiet moment. “So, you must live close by then,” he asks, rubbing the back of his neck. “I do, right around the corner actually, what about you?” “Just a few blocks over, makes getting to work really easy.”

The two of you notice the silence simultaneously, turning to see Huckle lying on her back, surrounded by 5 grinning guys. The one named Wilson speaks first, “well, Barnes, ask her out already. We’re all waitin’.” Throwing them the middle finger he grabs Huckle’s leash and walks you both back out into the sunshine, “so whaddya say doll, would you go out with me some time?”

Your answer is immediate, “I’d love to!” Cheers erupt from the doorway, complete with high fives and fist bumps. “How do you manage all day with them?” you ask with a sweet laugh. “It’s not that bad…. sometimes I end up punching one of them but ya know, we love each other.” You throw your head back in laughter, “I bet.”

“Can I get your number? I’ll check out the shifts for the weekend and let you know when I’m free so we can set something up.” Taking his phone from his hand you punch in your name and number, handing it back to him, “there ya go.” He looks down, the small green four-leaf clover emoji next to your name making him smile for the 100th time. “Thanks, lucky charm, I’ll talk you soon.” In a bold move you lean up and kiss him on the cheek, waving goodbye to the sounds of more cheers and whistles.

Your first date with Bucky is everything you hoped it would be, he’s sweet and romantic but all the while assertive and strong in all the right ways. You’re falling hard but you don’t want to mess it up by moving too fast. The evening ends with a heated kiss on your doorstep, Bucky reluctant to pull away from your soft lips, “I’m sorry if I took that too far, doll, it’s just…I’ve been thinking about kissing you since we met.”

Grabbing him by the collar of his shirt you pull him down to your lips once again, effectively letting him know it was more than fine. When you finally separate it’s with heavy breaths and swollen lips. “Can I see you again?” he whispers, eyes darting back to your lips. “I can’t wait,” you say, giving him one more chaste kiss before backing into your doorway and slowly closing it. The last thing you see is Bucky standing there with his bottom lip between his teeth and his eyes dark.

The next few days go by in a blur, work keeping you busy and your upcoming date with Bucky keeping you giddy. Bucky had a 24-hour shift on Thursday, so your date was scheduled for Saturday to give him some time to rest.

Saturday arrived and you couldn’t stop smiling. It seemed you had been doing that since you met him. Bucky showed up at your door on time and looking better than ever. The jeans he wore hugged his thick thighs perfectly and the buttons of his shirt were pulled tight across his muscled chest.

“You look gorgeous, doll.” Your heart goes aflutter in your chest, the use of the endearment never failing to make you swoon. “Thanks,” you reply shyly, taking his hand and heading out. Your second date is even better than the first, Bucky’s attentiveness something you weren’t used to. He just seems so perfect.

The end of night finds you pressed against your door, Bucky’s hard body flush to yours as he kisses you senseless. You pull away to take a breath, fiddling with the buttons on his shirt, “do you wanna come in?” Cupping your cheek, he quietly asks, “are you sure, y/n? I can wait if that’s what you want.” Running your fingers under his shirt you grab the waistband of his jeans, “I want you.”

His large hands fumble with the door, finally getting it open as you two practically fall inside. Your night together is better than anything you could imagine, and you wake up to another sunny day feeling more satisfied and happier than you have in a long time.

“Morning beautiful,” Bucky whispers against your hair, pulling your naked body closer to his. “Morning, Buck,” you giggle, kissing his chest. “What time do you have to be at work?” you ask, hoping it isn’t until later. “Unfortunately, I have the early shift today, I have to leave in a few,” he says sadly.

You unwillingly untangle yourselves and watch Bucky get dressed from your bed, appreciating his body in the morning light. He leaves you with kiss swollen lips and promises to call later. The rest of your morning is spent cleaning up your apartment and as you do so you find a treasure balled up in your bed from last night.

You shower and throw it on, sniffing the collar of Bucky’s tee shirt from the firehouse. It smells so good you don’t take it off for the rest of the day. And that’s how you find yourself, Bucky’s shirt hanging off your frame as you and Huckle strut down the block toward the firehouse.  He had text you only a little while ago, saying he missed you and if you weren’t busy to come down for a visit.

You quickly responded and told him you’d be there in under and hour, baking some of your famous chocolate chip cookies before heading out. As you approach the firehouse you notice the garage door is open and Bucky is leaning against the frame, legs crossed over each other and scrolling through his phone.

He looks up at the sound of Huckle’s happy bark, his smile lighting up his face. You watch as his eyes drink you in, roaming over your body from head to toe, “hey, doll.” His arm snakes around your waist and he pulls you in for a toe-curling kiss, a breathy “hi,” leaving your lips afterwards. Bucky makes sure to say hi to Huckle, rubbing her all over before looking back to you.

You watch as his eyes land on your chest, widening slightly before they darken, “what are you wearing?” he asks, voice deep. You immediately panic, looking down and realizing he is referring to his tee shirt, “oh, this? You left it this morning and it’s so soft and smells like you, so I didn’t want to take it off…. I hope that’s ok,” you ask guiltily.

He crashes you to his chest, his nose rubbing against yours. “It’s more than ok doll, I love you in it, you can keep it.” Bucky brings his lips down to yours, his tongue parting your mouth as he deepens the kiss. You don’t even realize you have an audience until the very familiar voice of Wilson resonates through the open space, “looks like Barnes finally found himself a girl!” The next comment makes you both laugh enough to end your kiss, “and she brought us cookies!” yells Parker, rushing over to grab some.

@aesthetical-bucky​ @book-dragon-13​ @chuuulip​ @eurynome827​ @hiddles-rose​ @hailmary-yramliah​ @ikaris-whore​ @itsunclebucky​ @jewelofwinter​ @jewels2876​ @jhangelface0523​ @loricameback​ @littledarlinhavefaithinme​ @littleredstarfish​ @mushyjellybeans​ @marvelgirl7​ @marvelandotherfandomimagines​ @nano--raptor​ @nerdypinupcrystal​ @randomfandompenguin​ @sallycanwait68​ @softpeachbarnes​ @when-the-hell-is-bucky​ 

[pinktwingirl]

Loki Series Rewrite (AKA Loki Series but with Squirrel Girl) Ep 5

INT. TVA COURTROOM - DAY

Sylvie is threatening Ravonna.

SYLVIE

This is it, isn't it? This is where you dragged me after you stole my life. A fitting place, then, to take yours.

Suddenly, Doreen rushes in, carrying several prune sticks.

DOREEN

Here! We're gonna need these.

(She tosses one to Sylvie, then freezes when she sees Loki isn't there.)

Where's Loki?

(At Sylvie's silence, her eyes widen in horror, and she drops the other prune sticks.)

No...

(She rushes over and grabs Ravonna.)

What did you do to him?!

RAVONNA

What if I said the other Loki wasn't dead? Not yet, anyway.

SYLVIE

I'd say you were lying.

RAVONNA

Maybe. Or maybe we want the same thing.

DOREEN

How could he still be alive? You... pruned him!

SYLVIE

More importantly, how will saving him get us closer to who's really behind the TVA?

RAVONNA

It's complicated.

DOREEN

Then un-complicate it.

INT. TVA COURTROOM - DAY

Sylvie and Ravonna are discussing the end of time while Doreen keeps a prune stick trained on Ravonna.

SYLVIE

So how do we get past the void?

RAVONNA

It's impossible. There's nothing for the tem-pad to lock onto. No destination.

SYLVIE

Then we go through it.

Ravonna scoffs.

RAVONNA

That's suicide.

SYLVIE

Then I guess my need for you has passed.

She gets her own prune stick ready as Ravonna's eyes widen in horror.

MISS MINUTES

W-Wait! What about the void spacecraft?

RAVONNA

Y-Yes! The prototype!

MISS MINUTES

Right... I'll get the file...

DOREEN

What's the "void spacecraft"?

RAVONNA

I-It's a spaceship designed to withstand the temporal void. It could conceivably take us to the end of time.

SYLVIE

Find Loki.

RAVONNA

Find the man behind the curtain.

SYLVIE

And kill him.

RAVONNA

Together.

They shake hands. Ravonna tries to pull hers away, but Sylvie keeps her grip firm.

SYLVIE

Miss Minutes, where are the files on this "time craft"?

MISS MINUTES

Uh... Still lookin' hun...

Sylvie raises an eyebrow.

SYLVIE

Nothing?

MISS MINUTES

Th-They're... pretty deep...

RAVONNA

I-It's highly restricted; I might not even have clearance...

SYLVIE

Oh no, I think you would. If it's real.

Ravonna nervously glances at Miss Minutes.

RAVONNA

How long?

MISS MINUTES

Any second now...

Just then, we hear agents bursting in through the door. Doreen grabs Sylvie and they jump behind a desk.

AGENT

(to Ravonna)

Are you hurt?

RAVONNA

I'm fine. But she took my tem-pad.

(She turns to the desk.)

Sylvie? You're not thinking of going on the run, are you? We know where you hide... Sooner or later, we'll catch you.

DOREEN

(whispering to Sylvie)

What do we do?

RAVONNA

It must be so exhausting...

SYLVIE

I'll admit, you had me fooled there for a minute... Or did you get a little real? Did Judge Renslayer really feel betrayed by her beloved TVA?

RAVONNA

Why don't you come back out and we can... talk about it?

SYLVIE

Sure! Just tell everyone else to piss off and we can settle this between us.

Doreen raises an eyebrow at Sylvie.

RAVONNA

Works for me...

The agents close in on the desk.

SYLVIE

What happened to finding the man behind the curtain?

RAVONNA

Tell you what, you come out with your hands up, and I'll put you in a time loop. Something not so bad. You can live out your days in a good memory. 

(Beat)

Do you have any good memories?

After a pause, Sylvie grabs Doreen and stands them both up, causing Doreen to gasp in surprise. Sylvie points the prune stick at the agents, then suddenly prunes Doreen and herself.

INT. VOID HIDEOUT - DAY

Loki is speaking with the other Loki variants in their hideout.

LOKI

No. I'm the same. I'm the same as all of you.

(Beat)

Have any of you met a variant that primarily uses her female form?

CLASSIC LOKI

There are plenty of those. You'll have to be more specific.

LOKI

Um... Short hair... Blonde... Goes by "Sylvie"?

CLASSIC LOKI

Oh, yes, her. She's terrifying.

LOKI

She is! But that's what's great about her! She needs us! All of us!

EXT. VOID - DAY

Sylvie is lying unconscious on the ground. Doreen shakes her.

DOREEN

Sylvie! Sylvie, wake up! Sylvie, can you hear me?

Sylvie's eyes widen and she sits up.

SYLVIE

Where are we?

DOREEN

Uh... At the end of time, I guess. It's... kind of a shithole.

Sylvie stands up.

SYLVIE

Let's go. We need to find Loki.

They begin walking. Doreen takes out her Loki locket and tries to turn it on, but the hologram is blank.

DOREEN

Huh... I guess this won't work in a void where time and space is meaningless.

SYLVIE

What is that thing, anyway?

DOREEN

I made it for Loki. We each have one. I gave it to him so I could see where he was if he was ever in trouble, but... I kind of ended up being the one calling him for help...

(Beat)

SYLVIE

You really care about Loki, don't you?

Doreen blushes.

DOREEN

U-Um... I mean... Yeah, I guess. He's... a good friend.

SYLVIE

Oh, don't try to hide it. Loki may be oblivious to it, but I'm not. It's plain as day on your face.

Doreen looks away, embarrassed.

SYLVIE

It's a shame your life is so fleeting, then. You would be quite the catch, I'll admit. You're a clever girl.

Doreen's face flushes red.

SYLVIE

But you know that whatever you have with him can't last, right? You're a mortal. Trying to pursue a relationship with him... it wouldn't be fair to do that to him.

Doreen looks down sadly.

DOREEN

I know. I just... can't help it, I guess.

SYLVIE

Hmm. Well, I suppose he'll get over it eventually once you're gone. We never stick to one thing - always moving on to the next. That's the best way to adapt and survive.

(Off Doreen's sadness.)

Oh, don't take it personally, dear. That's just how we are. You could say it's... in our nature.

Suddenly, they see ALIOTH spreading behind them.

DOREEN

That... doesn't look good.

Alioth starts to creep closer, demolishing everything in its path.

SYLVIE

Run!

They both start to run, with Doreen nearly tripping over her dress.

DOREEN

Okay, running in this dress is getting really annoying! Do you think you could magic my normal clothes back onto me?!

In a flash of green, Doreen's dress shifts into her old outfit.

DOREEN

Thank you!

They suddenly see a pizza delivery car racing towards them.

DOREEN

Is that Mobius?!

They jump in the car, and Mobius speeds away.

DOREEN

Moby! You're alive!

MOBIUS

Can you shut the door? We still got a little bit of a situation here...

Sylvie slams the door shut. As they drive, a cloud of black magic smoke approaches them.

SYLVIE

Watch out!

MOBIUS

I see it! I see it!

SYLVIE

Really?! Because you're driving right towards it!

MOBIUS

God, you really are one of you... Hang on!

EXT. VOID - DAY

Mobius continues to drive, with Sylvie and Doreen in the back.

MOBIUS

All that time, I really believed we were the good guys...

SYLVIE

Annihilating entire realities, orphaning little girls... Classic hero stuff.

MOBIUS

Well, I guess when you think the ends justify the means, there's nothing you won't do. By the way, you did some annihilating, too.

SYLVIE

I did what I had to do.

MOBIUS

Yeah. So did I.

SYLVIE

You hunted me like a dog.

DOREEN

Um, okay, we've all made mistakes, can we maybe save this conversation for when we're not all about to die?

SYLVIE

I thought we could find Loki down here... But that storm... that thing's likely already got him.

MOBIUS

You really believe that?

SYLVIE

It doesn't matter. The only thing that matters now is getting out of here and finding out who's behind all of this.

MOBIUS

Great. How do we do that?

SYLVIE

We turn around.

DOREEN

Uhh... Sorry, what?

MOBIUS

You wanna go back to the angry cloud?

SYLVIE

Yeah. I think it might be the answer. We're going back to it.

EXT. VOID - DAY

Mobius drives up to the Loki variants. Loki's eyes widen when he sees them.

LOKI

Sylvie?!

He rushes over to them.

SYLVIE

You're alive...

Mobius and Doreen step out of the car. Doreen rushes up to Loki and hugs him.

LOKI

Doreen! Mobius!

DOREEN

I was so worried... Are you okay?

LOKI

I'm fine. How did you...?

SYLVIE

We thought you could do with some backup.

Loki smiles. The other Lokis approach them, putting the others on edge.

LOKI

No, no, no, wait, wait, wait! These are my... friends. Ah... Well, they're um... how best to put this? Uh... Us as a child, us in the future, and us as a... uh... an alligator.

Sylvie raises an eyebrow.

LOKI

It's... best not to question it.

Doreen gasps.

DOREEN

There's a Baby Loki???

KID LOKI

Don't call me that.

DOREEN

Okay, Baby Loki!

Kid Loki scowls at her.

EXT. VOID - DAY

Mobius is chatting with Doreen as Loki and Sylvie talk.

DOREEN

So... I guess we're... going after the giant cloud thingy. No idea how we're supposed to do that, but okay.

MOBIUS

I don't know, don't you usually command a giant army of squirrels?

DOREEN

Yeah, normally, but I only brought these three along with me.

(She points to Tippy-Toe, Monkey Joe, and Mr. Lieberman.)

Taking down a giant magical monster might require a little more than that...

Mobius glances at a chipmunk bounding past them.

MOBIUS

There's a squirrel.

Doreen raises an eyebrow.

DOREEN

That's not a squirrel; that's a chipmunk.

Mobius shrugs.

MOBIUS

They're the same thing.

DOREEN

Excuse me?! They are not the same thing! They're completely different!

We cut to Loki sitting with Sylvie.

SYLVIE

Mobius isn't so bad. And Doreen is... well, Doreen. I can see why you keep her around.

Loki raises an eyebrow.

LOKI

Don't tell me you've just been flirting with her this whole time?

SYLVIE

I'm sorry, I thought you said she was just an acquaintance?

LOKI

Oh, shut up.

Sylvie smirks. After a pause, her smile fades.

SYLVIE

It must be nice... to have friends. 

They glance over at Doreen and Mobius, who are still arguing over the difference between a squirrel and a chipmunk. Loki laughs.

SYLVIE

I don't have any...

(Beat)

I don't have... anyone.

Loki smiles.

LOKI

Well, you and I are the same. My friends are your friends now.

Sylvie smiles.

EXT. VOID - DAY

Mobius is saying goodbye.

MOBIUS

Sylvie... I need to apologize... for everything the TVA's done to you. And Loki... I'm sorry, too. It wasn't fair of us to put you through what we did. And it wasn't fair of me to judge you for your past. Not when you're trying to be a better person now.

He extends his hand to Loki. Instead of shaking it, Loki hugs him.

LOKI

Goodbye, my friend.

MOBIUS

(whispering to Sylvie)

You're my favorite.

Sylvie grins. Doreen hugs him as well.

DOREEN

You go get that jet ski, you hear?

MOBIUS

Sure will. Well, see you later!

He heads out the portal and leaves.

@drawntothedarkside

[emutempo]

Strike A Pose (domestic SuperCorp one-shot)

Summary: Everyone has the day off but Supergirl. And even though it means leaving Lena home alone for much of the day, Kara's determined to make the best of it.

Posted to my Ao3 here. 

Notes: It's 4:40AM and I just couldn't sleep without getting this out of my head. And since I'm still anxious about posting any of my fics, I figured once again it'd be better to hit that post button before I get too nervous and hit delete instead. Anyway, I hope this brightens at least one person’s day.

----------

Rays from the sun pour in from the windows of Lena’s bedroom and her eyes flutter open as she feels the heat on her face. She forces her eyes open and stretches into a yawn.

She looked across the bed and first saw a mess of golden hair splayed across a pillow. Kara was still fast asleep after a long week working at the DEO. It had been a long week for both them and Lena was looking for to a relaxing Friday with no work.

 She was happy the 4th of July landed on a Friday this year. It usually meant she had a three day weekend with Kara all to herself. No L Corp, no CatCo. Except, today, Kara was on call. Even though the DEO was operating with the minimal crew, Kara had volunteered to cover for J’onn, Winn, James and Alex. They had been so accommodating of Kara’s requests for days off to spend with Lena that Lena didn’t mind.

Today would be like any other busy weekend day for them. They’d lounge around the house, playing board games, watching their favorite movies and cuddling on the couch. And when Kara was called away for her Supergirl duties, she’d give Lena a quick goodbye and take off to deal with the problem before eventually coming back to Lena and resuming their activities like nothing had interrupted at all.

For now, it was still early and the city itself was still waking up so Lena turned over and cuddled against Kara. Her head, barely hit the pillow before she fell back into slumber.

—

Later, Kara and Lena were sat up, cuddling on the living room couch, each with a cup of coffee in hand. On the TV, an episode of QI playing. Kara took a sip of her coffee before

Kara and Lena had taken to watching QI on their lazy mornings. Kara was fascinated with the random knowledge and discussion on the show and more-so with Lena’s endless intelligence. This morning, they were talking about the history of astronomy.

Kara cleared her throat, “so when did people start thinking the Earth was flat again? It’s like they’re afraid the Earth is round. They’re lucky it is or they’d be off floating somewhere in space!”

Lena loved these little conversations with Kara. No matter how long she’d spent on Earth, still so much surprised her. Lena shrugged. “You know, the only thing flatearthers fear is sphere itself.”

It took Kara a moment to realize Lena’s joke before a giggle escaped her throat, still a tinge of morning gruffness in her voice.  Lena stared into her eyes, trying to memorize the beautiful sound of Kara’s laughter. But it was short-lived as Kara suddenly tilted her head, listening.

Lena smiles, knowing in that moment that duty was calling to Supergirl. National City needed its savior. Kara looked up apologetically to Lena. “Small kitchen fire. No extinguisher. Should be quick.”

And a moment later, a whoosh fills the Lena’s living room as Kara disappears for a moment before another whoosh brings Kara back, clad in her blue suit and red cape. Lena blows her a kiss. “I’ll be waiting for you, Supergirl.”

Kara mimes catching her kiss in the air and puts it to her lips before stepping out onto the balcony. Even though Lena’s a little disappointed, she can’t help but smile as she watches her go.

Kara has the goofiest grin on her face she holds Lena’s eye contact. Lena smiles, shaking her head. She knows what’s coming and she waits for it…

Lena watches as Supergirl turns around and takes a big step away from the balcony door. She turns around in place and mimes pressing an elevator button before taking a patient stance with her arms crossed in front of her, as if waiting. A moment later, still ‘standing’ with her arms crossed, Kara slowly floats up into the air as if riding an invisible elevator until she’s out of Lena’s view. But not before giving the Luthor a playful wink.

Lena can’t hold back the laugh caught in her throat. It’s loud and she knows Kara hears it.

—

Later, they’re sitting on opposite sides of the coffee table, a chess board between them. It’s Kara’s turn but she’s gone on a rant and Lena doesn’t have the heart to interrupt her.

“I just don’t understand. Why are ALL of them so sad? Isn’t there a single period drama about two women falling in love where they get to be together? The endings are always so tragic. Unrequited love… pre-arranged marriage… and that’s only if we’re lucky enough one of them doesn’t die! Doesn’t anyone run away together? Or say ‘screw you’ to all the cranky old men?”

Lena can’t stop herself. She leans over the chess board and kisses Kara. It’s soft and sweet. When she pulls back, she gestures to the chess board and Kara finally realizes it’s her move. She hastily moves one of her pieces and by the look on Lena’s face, it’s not… the best move. But Lena ignores it.

“I think they’re just trying to be historically accurate, love. Times were a lot harder for us not too long ago.”

Kara doesn’t seem satisfied with that answer. “Well, I still don’t like it. No more sad movies like that one we watched last night. Here Comes the World… or was it… A World to Come?”

“The World to Come,” Lena reaches forward to brush a hair out of Kara’s face. “We could watch Gentleman Jack.”

Kara pouts. “That doesn’t sound promising.” Lena chuckles, about to launch into an explanation of the history behind the titular character of Anne Lister when she sees that signature head tilt again and Kara’s eyes focus into the distance. Lena’s puts her hand up over the chess board about to say, “Kara, mind the chess board—“ but it’s too late. Two back to back WHOOSHES and Supergirl is again standing before Lena, who’s eyebrow’s cocked in ITS signature position. Kara notices the chess pieces all over the floor and looks at Lena apologetically, “you were winning anyway?”

Kara leans in and gives Lena a quick peck on the cheek. “Drunken brawl. I’ll get everyone settled down and be right back.” She keeps her eyes on Lena’s as she backs her way toward the balcony door. The look in their eyes and the suppressed smiles on their faces tell us that, again, they both know what’s coming. Lena watches as Kara steps outside, her cape flapping in the breeze, and takes her superhero stance. She double taps the emblem on her chest and then puts her hands out behind her and takes off in flight… Is she serious?

Lena guffaws and yells after Kara. “Iron Man? Are you kidding me?” But Lena giggles. Kara knows she’s gonna give her a hard time for that one later. As if to dig in even more, Kara loop-de-loops and flies by the window on her way to the drunken brawl.

Yeah she definitely heard that.

—

Back at home with Lena and Kara relaxing in front of the TV. Kara channel surfs while Lena plays with her hair. She lands on a movie that’s just started.

“Oh, I love Megamind! Have you ever seen it?”

Lena shakes her head, “I think most of the animated films I’ve watched in my entire lifetime on Earth I’ve seen first with you. And we haven’t watched this one yet.”

Kara scoots up closer to Lena. “Can we? Can we watch it together? It’s one of my favorites.”

Lena puts her arm around Kara and pulls her in. “How many times have I ever said no to your movie picks?” Kara turned around, wearing a hurt look on her face even though Lena knows it’s put-on. “You keep saying no to Hocus Pocus!”

“That’s because it’s a Halloween movie and we should watch it on Halloween.”

Before Kara can protest… another head tilt and yep, a WHOOSH away and back.

“Car wreck on the bridge. Firefighters’ jaws of life aren’t working. Back in a jiffy. We’re not finished discussing this.”

Kara went straight for the balcony and Lena thought she wasn’t going to get a special send off. But, of course, Kara had something else in mind. She turns around and grabs her cape, pulling it up over her head in a somewhat childish maneuver.

What the hell is she doing this time? Then Lena gets her answer when the cape puffs up revealing Kara blowing air into it to resemble a parachute before she floats up, up, and away.

“Ok, that was a good one.”

She can picture the shit-eating grin on Kara’s face and shakes her head, turning back to the TV and hitting play.

—

Kara and Lena in the kitchen, making an early dinner. Kara’s arguing a point and waving a spatula around like a judge waves a gavel.

“You agree that Bette Midler’s amazing and this is one of her favorite roles she’s ever played. She said so herself. I know because she follows me on Twitter.”

Lena flicks a gravy-covered whisk at Kara, flinging the brown sauce onto her shirt and face. Kara mouth drops open and she freezes in place, shocked at Lena’s gravy betrayal.

“That’s what you get for showing off.”

Kara, hands and face still frozen, pivots to face Lena, “oooh, you’re going to be sorry for that.” With a burst of speed, Kara reaches out and tickle Lena’s sides. Lena squeals as she tries to escape but she knows it’s futile. There’s no way she’s escaping Kara’s grip so she does the next best thing and flicks more gravy at her. And now it’s Kara’s turn to squeal. “You are gonna HATE gravy by the time I’m through with you!” Kara dives for Lena but before she can catch her up in her arms again… you know what it is. The head tilt. Kara listens for a moment as she wipes gravy from her face and licks it from her finger. Lena takes a swipe for herself too.

Kara quickly glances at Lena before a smirk takes over her face. But Lena can’t stop her before…

“Kara don’t—“

… Kara WHOOSHES away, spinning the gravy off her body and flinging it EVERYWHERE, including Lena.

“—Do the whoosh thing.”

Lena stands there for a beat. Now SHE’s the one frozen with gravy-face. Kara whooshes back into the kitchen and licks a spot of gravy off Lena’s face.

“Break in at the pawn shop. Don’t try to sneak any kale into the fagioli ‘cause I’ll know.”

Kara makes her way to the balcony but Lena doesn’t turn around. She waits a beat for the tell-tale whoosh but doesn’t hear one. She knows Kara’s waiting for her to turn around and although part of Lena doesn’t want to give her the satisfaction of turning around, she does. Supergirl has places to be and she doesn’t want to keep Kara waiting.

Kara smiles as Lena turns around before jumping onto an invisible broomstick and doing her best interpretation of a witch cackle as she ‘flies’ off.

Lena rolls her eyes as she wipes the gravy off her face with a towel. “Ok, ok! We can watch Hocus Pocus when you get back.”

Lena goes to the fridge and grabs the bunch of kale she’s hidden in one of the fridge drawers.

—

The evening. Lena and Kara lay on the couch, the remnants of their dinner on the coffee table in front of them. Kara swipes a remnant of gravy from one of the plates and quickly dabs it on Lena’s nose. Lena’s nose scrunches at the cold liquid as Kara fights to keep a straight face. So does Lena.

“I’m starting to understand why these witches want to eat these children.”

Kara playfully smacks Lena’s arm. She knows Lena isn’t mad in the slightest. Kara giggles as Lena tries to lick the gravy from her nose with her tongue. But her tongue can’t reach. Kara leans forward and licks it off for her.

“I could eat you.”

Lena blushes and leans in for a kiss. It’s tender and sweet. Lena pulls away to look Kara in the eyes. “Well, you have put a spell on me so I’d probably let you.”

Kara’s eyebrows perk up and she bites her lip, “is that a request, Ms. Luthor?”

But of course… Lena doesn’t get the chance to answer before Kara’s head tilts once again. A beat before… WHOOSH.

“Run of the mill creep following a woman home. Give me five minutes to set this guy straight.”

Kara plops a kiss on Lena’s nose where the gravy was before she turns and runs straight out for the balcony. She doesn’t wait for Lena to turn around but Lena watches anyway as Kara takes a running leap toward the balcony bannister and lands on top of it. She takes a few more jumps like she’s on a diving board before leaping and tucking into a somersault as she “dives” off the bannister and disappears below the balcony.

“Go get him, love.”

Lena hits pause on the movie and sits back, staring off through the balcony windows at the city, her eyes filled with a dreamy haze. She’ll wait for Kara to come back and watch with her.

—

Later that night, Kara and Lena are finally lying in bed cuddling and listening to the last of the fireworks going off.

Kara flips through Twitter on her phone while Lena reads a book in one hand and uses the other to stroke Kara’s hair. She hears a small yawn escape from the blonde’s mouth and looks at the clock.

“It’s getting late. Are you ready to go to sleep, love? Should I turn off the light?”

Kara drops her phone dramatically and tucks her head into Lena. Her arm lands with a thud across Lena’s stomach, collapsing as if exhausted.

“I’m not tired if you’re not.”

Lena strokes her head a few more times before she dogs ears the book she’s reading and places it on her night stand. She leans over to turn off the light when she feels Kara sit up. She turns and sees Kara’s head tilted, listening. Lena picks her book back up, ready to continue reading while she waited for Kara to come back from another rescue.

“What is it this time? Wild assassin penguin on the loose? Three crazy witch sisters kidnapping innocent children?”

Kara stiffens up and tilts her head the other way. “No, it’s a woman…”

Lena sets her book to the side, noticing the serious tone in Kara’s voice. “Kara, what’s wrong?”

Kara looks at Lena, seemingly concentrating on a sound in the distance, a look of concern across her face. “She’s dying… of patience.”

Lena’s eyebrows scrunch together and she squints at Kara, confused. “What?”

Kara turns to face Lena, still as serious as ever.

“She has this girlfriend who keeps rushing off all over the city, leaving her alone at home and she’s just… been so patient.”

Lena’s face relaxes and falls into a lazy grin as she catches on to Kara. Kara can tell Lena’s savvy to her playfulness but she doesn’t drop the series tone.

“See, she’s a very important and very busy lady who doesn’t get a lot of time off to spend with her girlfriend and when she does, her girlfriend always has to fly off. So, if it’s ok with you, I’ve gotta go fix that.”

Lena pulled Kara in close. She didn’t try to feign shock or surprise or play along. She was too consumed with earnest love and she didn’t want to waste any more of their time today, “so how long will it be this time?”

Kara leans in close, kissing Lena with soft lips and tenderness, “forever.”

[lady-divine-writes]

Kurtbastian Week 2020 - “War of the Roses” (Rated M)

Summary: Kurt suspects that his husband may be cheating on him. But instead of taking the mature route of talking with him, he calls up a radio talk show that has a unique way of uncovering the truth. (2236 words)

Notes: Inspired by a talk show I used to listen to by the same name. Written for the @kbweek2020 Day 5 prompt 'angst', but not quite as angsty as you might imagine.

Read on AO3.

“War, War, War, War of the Roses!”

The pre-recorded announcement, surrounded by loud fanfare, blares through Kurt’s phone. He moves it away from his ear before the d.j. follows with: “It’s War of the Roses day on Magic 92.5! Hop on the website, send us a text, or call and leave us a message, and you, too, may be featured on War of the Roses! Today, we have Kurt on the line, ready to share the troubling story of him and his husband Sebastian. Kurt - thank you for joining us.”

“Th-thank you for having me,” Kurt replies, hating the way his voice sounds, the way it rattles around his dry throat. Hating what he’s doing. Hating that he gave the show their real names! What an imbecile he is! People he knows listen to this show! His boss Isabelle listens to this show! She must be listening now because he hears a beep over the line - a sign that another call is trying to wedge its way in. When he doesn’t answer it, it disconnects with a chunky bwap-bwap! A second later, messages start flooding his email, which he left open on the laptop in front of him. And not just from Isabelle. From Rachel, Mercedes, Santana, Brittany, Chase …

Kurt lifts a hand and closes the lid, shutting them out.

Oh boy. 

He’s only been on the phone for 30 seconds and he’s already made a mess of things.

“Kurt,” the d.j. says, “why don’t you start by telling us why you contacted us? How can we help you?”

Kurt sighs. I contacted you because I’m stupid, he thinks. And insecure. And, frankly, I should hang up right now and put my phone in the freezer for safekeeping before I do anything else stupid. “I … I think my husband might be cheating on me.”

Canned ooo’ing follows his admission, and if he didn’t regret this decision before, he certainly regrets it now. He can’t stand the idea that they’re using this situation that’s been keeping him up at night as the punchline of a joke. But he can’t blame them. He did this. There are other ways to go about this that he should have considered first. Counseling. Private investigators. Honest and open communication with his spouse. But for some reason, when his husband got up early and left for work without waking Kurt for a goodbye kiss for the eighth day in a row, Kurt broke. If his marriage isn’t working, if they’re headed for Splitsville, Kurt needs to know today. 

Now.

Sooner, if possible.

And that’s when he leaped for his cell phone and made this ill-advised call.

Kurt didn’t think there was anything wrong with his marriage. He thought they were happy – blissfully so. But for the past few days, things have gotten odd between them. Strained. And Kurt doesn’t know why. He needs to find out.

Lucky for him (depending on how you look at it), the radio program had a last-minute cancellation. The person who was scheduled to be on this morning decided to take matters into their own hands and run their unfaithful spouse over with a Cadillac.

A Cadillac that wasn’t theirs to begin with.

The station called him practically a second after he got off the phone with their answering machine.

“And why do you think your husband might be cheating on you?” the female co-host asks in a voice sympathetic from years of practice.

“Well … he’s been avoiding me.” Kurt winces at that weak excuse. To be fair, Sebastian’s firm recently landed a huge client - their first of this caliber in years. And since one of his partners is out on maternity leave, the job of wining and dining had fallen on Sebastian’s shoulders - a task he hasn’t performed in close to a decade; one he never liked much, especially after he and Kurt got married since it kept him away from home. “But on top of that,” he says, leaving that pertinent information out, “he’s been talking a lot about some guy named Martin.”

“Really?” the d.j. says, working hard to make this revelation sound like the scandal of the century since Kurt isn’t giving them much to work with. “And what has he been saying about Martin?”

“He’s been very complimentary about the job Martin has been doing down at the office.” Another wince. “A-and my husband isn’t normally the kind to hand out compliments. Plus, they’ve been working a lot of late nights - meetings, overtime, all last minute, that sort of thing.”

“Do you think Martin is doing something other than working that your husband might actually be complimenting him on?”

“Maybe,” Kurt says meekly, his heart going from ache to break. He hadn’t put those thoughts into words before today, hadn’t even texted them to his closest confidants now crowding his inbox. This is the first time he’s getting it off his chest … and he’s doing it to millions of people he doesn’t know.

He can hear Sebastian's voice in his head, laughing and saying, "Smart, Kurt. Very smart."

“Alright! Let’s get Sebastian on the phone and find out what’s going on once and for all!”

“Okay,” Kurt mumbles, covering the fact that the host's apparent enthusiasm to destroy Kurt's life put him on the verge of throwing up.

“What we’re going to do (for those of you who don’t know how this works) is offer Sebastian a dozen romantic roses to send free of charge to the person of his choice," the d.j. explains. 

"Let’s hope he says Kurt,” his co-host adds.

“Yes,” Kurt says, and very unlike him, he begins to pray. 

He prays Sebastian doesn’t answer the phone.

He prays Sebastian's secretary answers instead and tells them to send the roses to Kurt, Sebastian’s one true love. Kurt would accept that, hearing it second hand. That would be fine. Hearing it from Sebastian's secretary would be almost like hearing it from Sebastian. She’s a trustworthy soul, not inclined to cover for her boss.

He thinks.

Most of all, he prays that no matter who answers, no matter what happens, he’s wrong.

Ring-ring.

Ring-ring.

Ring-ring.

Click.

“Hello?”

Sebastian answers and Kurt’s stomach drops. In the time it takes Sebastian to complete that word, Kurt recalls the way most of these things end. Then his mind, which rarely seems to be on his side lately, conjures up how it might end for them.

This phone call and their entire marriage.

“Let’s get a name for the card, Sebastian. Who would you like us to send those roses to?”

“Let’s send them to Martin,” Kurt imagines his husband saying in a sly, seductive voice without pause. 

“Martin? And what message would you like to go with it?”

“Make it out to Captain Flexible. And write ‘last night was incredible. Here’s to many more late nights in the future’.”

That nightmare spell shatters when Kurt hears the d.j. say his husband's name. “Sebastian?”

“Yes?” Sebastian answers, already sounding annoyed. No one who calls Sebastian’s office line ever calls him by his first name except family. 

And Kurt.

“Hello! My name is Andrew, and I’ve just opened a new flower shop in Uptown called The Rose Knows.”

“Good for you,” Sebastian says dryly.

“We’re calling businesses in the Midtown area with our first promotion. We’re offering a free dozen romantic roses to send to the person of your choice. And all we ask in return is that you recommend our shop to your family, your friends, your co-workers …”

“You must have the wrong number. I don’t need anything for free. Put an ad in the Pennysaver like everyone else.”

"I'm not sure the Pennysaver's still in business."

"Not my problem."

Kurt bites his lower lip, grinning when he should be in tears, the nervous flip-flopping of his stomach, like pancakes on a griddle, causing his abs to cramp. But that’s his husband. His Sebastian. 

So far, so good.

“Come on,” the d.j. presses. “We’re a small business, just starting out. Do a man a favor. Have some community spirit.”

Sebastian sighs like this is so beneath him. He stays quiet, and Kurt knows he’s debating between messing with this guy or hanging up on him. But Sebastian probably figures he’s not going to shake him until he gives in. Besides, Sebastian is nothing if not a networker. A flower shop would be of no use to him, but who knows? “Let’s see. Who in my life deserves free roses? My mom’s birthday is coming up, so maybe I could send them to her. Or my sister. She just had a baby.”

“Oh! Congrats!”

“A-ha,” Sebastian says, the amount of unimpressed in his tone staggering. “There’s Martin Lewis ...”

“Martin?” the d.j. repeats, stressing the name subtly to put emphasis on Kurt’s concerns.

He doesn’t need to. Kurt’s heart has already stopped.

“Yeah," Sebastian says, his voice going softer. "Roses would definitely brighten up his office.”

“And why does Martin deserve roses?”

“Not that it's any of your business, but he’s been busting his ass helping me put together a huge proposal. Plus, his wife's in the hospital. He could bring them over to her."

"O-oh ..." The d.j. slips. That's probably the last thing he expected to hear.

"Or you know what?” Sebastian's voice drops a register, a hint of wickedness lacing between. “I could send them to this guy I absolutely worship."

"Oh really?" The d.j. recovers, seeing things start to turn around. The hosts definitely root for a happy ending, but it's no surprise that angst makes their ratings soar.

The cringe-factor of someone confessing unaware to their infidelities. 

Their listeners eat that up.

"Yup. The most amazing, sexiest man on the face of the planet. The man with the biggest heart of any human being I have ever met. The man I call the Energizer Bunny because he can go all. night. long. The man I hope to spend the rest of my life with.” 

Kurt hiccups. His heart, a useless lump in his chest, lodges in his throat. 

“And who would that---?” But before the d.j. can interject with their usual spiel, Sebastian continues. 

“But I think he’s worth more than a bouquet I got for free from some lame-ass radio talk show. What do you think, Kurt?”

The line goes dead.

Kurt has been listening to this radio program religiously for close to seven years, and to his knowledge, this has never happened before - a caller called out by their s.o. But the d.j. is on it because he immediately plays an old school ‘wah-wah’ noise to show that Kurt has been caught.

“H-how did you know?” Kurt asks.

“Because I know you, Kurt,” Sebastian says. “I know the kinds of things you do when you panic, and you mostly panic when you feel like people you love are going to leave you.”

“Yeah?” Kurt sniffs, a tear rolling down his cheek. Adding to his list of things he hates, he hates that Sebastian knows him so well. “And what do I do?”

“You kind of go off the deep end.” Sebastian chuckles, lighthearted and anxious, reminiscent of the night he asked Kurt to be his for the first time. “And I understand why. I’m sorry I’ve been distant lately. And I’m sorry about the late hours. I’ve just been caught up at work. I swear that’s all. But Kurt … can we talk about this when I get home? So I can look at you, in your eyes, and tell you that there’s no way in heaven or earth I would ever cheat on you? It took me a long time to win you over. There’s nothing that could persuade me to give you up, not for anyone.”

More sound effects - an awww followed by applause - play in the background as the d.j. and his co-host attempt to maintain control of the show.

“So … you don’t hate me?” Kurt asks.

“For which offense? Doubting me, my loyalty, and my love for you? Or airing our dirty laundry on the radio?”

“Uh …” Kurt awkwardly clears his throat. “All of the above?”

Sebastian sighs again. He sounds exhausted, but also like he can’t wait to get home and give Kurt a good ribbing. “Yes, babe. I forgive you.”

“Thanks. And I’m sorry about all this.”

“Apology accepted. I mean, what’re a few tawdry secrets among friends? Strangers? The barista down at Starbucks? My clients?”

“When should I expect you home?” Kurt rushes to cut him off, feeling more like a heel than he had before. “I know you have another big meeting and …”

“I’ll be home in about an hour. Wait … make that an hour and ten. I’m going to stop by a real flower shop and get you some roses. I think you’re overdue.”

“Really?” Kurt says, so astounded, so touched, he doesn’t hear the cheesy music the d.j. has started playing in the background.

“Yes, really. And Kurt?”

“Yes?”

“Be naked when I get there,” Sebastian growls.

The music stops, skidding to a halt with the sound of a record scratching. “Guys … uh … you’re still on the air.”

“Sorry not sorry there, champ,” Sebastian says and hangs up the call.

So does Kurt, shoving his phone in the freezer before the station tries to call back for a recap.

[bloodys44]

Silence and Cigarette Smoke

Original story and bonus content found here! ↓↓↓↓

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13289933/1/Silence-and-Cigarette-Smoke

I just posted chapter 9 on FF.net so please feel free to read ahead if you enjoy :)

Chapter 6: The Letters To A Ghost

788

(25th day of summer)

Mom,

I helped Natsu dig a grave for Lissana today. He was extremely adamant about it even though we were never able to retrieve her body. Not to mention that we already held a service for her weeks ago. He dug it by hand at her favorite lookout, told me he wanted her soul to rest where she would never miss the sun rise or set. The headstone he made her read "An angel who falls may now pass to the home of their gods. A forever sunrise to lighten the lives of the dark." It was beautiful Mama, Natsu worked really hard on it.

He didn't sleep in my dorm last night for the first time since we came home. I went by his room to check on him but I heard him crying. In all the years I've known Natsu, I've only seen that once, when we lost her initially. He sounded so sad, It broke my heart. I was too scared to go in so I left him for the night. I really miss her too.

Remembering your warm hugs,

Lucy.

(86th day of summer)

Dear Mom,

Today was really hard, I miss you.

It's been two months since I last wrote to you. Natsu went out on his first job since Lissana today. He wouldn't take me with him no matter how much I begged. He's never left me behind before, I know it was only one job, but it still stung. He barely speaks anymore, just follows me around silently. I feel like I'm losing my partner. Gray and Levy say I need to give him time and space, that he likes to grieve alone. I get that Mama, I really do, but he isn't the only one grieving. I feel like he died with her in the mine. I miss him too.

He still gave me some of the reward money even though he did the request alone. I wish he wouldn't, it feels like pitty. I don't want his pity, I just want to talk to him like I used too.

Mira is still having nightmares. I've been sleeping on the terrace by my room. Her crying breaks my heart and I fear it will never heal if I keep listening.

This was a bad letter, sorry Mom,

Lucy.

(43rd day of fall)

Mom,

I almost destroyed grandmother Anna's book today. The sight of it turns my stomach, and I haven't been able to open it yet. Natsu wouldn't let me ruin it though, he told me if it was gone the whole trip would be worth nothing. He's right, I know. I just want the hurt to stop.

Fall is here now, I love how the grounds look with all the autumn colors. Though I miss the pink cherry blossoms, they remind me of Natsu's hair, but I think his shade is fading too. He stresses too much. I think you would still like it.

Love always,

Lucy.

(58th day of winter)

Mama,

Today was good. It was Juvia's birthday. The guild held a small party for her, it was perfect considering the mourning mood that's dulled the air. There were smiles and cake, and everybody was laughing again, just like old times, I loved it. Gray asked her to be his girlfriend, finally. I think that's the part she loved the most. They're leaving on a mission that's supposed to take around four months. Knowing her, Juvia will treat every second like an extended honeymoon. She really was ecstatic mama, I wish you could have seen the joy on her face. I think everyone could feel it, I even saw Mira dancing slowly in the corner with her husband Laxus. She hasn't left her room since we told her what happened. I hope she's starting to feel like herself again. It's almost the new year, so maybe things will start to get better for everyone.

Natsu didn't show, of course. He hasn't been around much lately. He's always working alone or hiding around the castle where I can't find him, not even at our special clearing in the forest, the one he found me in. That's where he always used to hide. I haven't spoken much more than a sentence to him in weeks. I really miss him. Even with the happiness of today, I feel really alone again. He doesn't stay the night with me anymore.

Lucy.

(64th day of winter)

Dear Mom,

Gray and Juvia left on their job this morning. We all went down to the gate to wave them off. Even Natsu showed up, rare but welcomed. Gray is his best friend, and even though they haven't talked much either, I think he's going to miss him.

I asked Natsu if he wanted to take a job with me. It's been a while and I'm running out of money and I refuse to accept any more of his. I keep having to pick up extra shifts with the infirmary to keep up with my guild fees. He said no. I got mad and stormed off like a child.

He came to my room later in the night for the first time in months. I thought he was coming to tell me he changed his mind, that he wanted to take a request with me, though it ended up being the exact opposite. He came in yelling, spouting off that he couldn't take me on a job because I couldn't protect myself and he wasn't capable of doing it either. He rambled on for almost an hour, he's never yelled at me before, and mama he was screaming. But I decided I really didn't mind, its the most I've heard him speak in months. It wasn't near as bad as father used to make it. I was just happy to hear his voice again.

Merry Christmas,

Lucy.

          -789-

(74th day of winter)

Mama,

He's gone.

He really did it. He left me alone for real. And god Mama, winter is so cold without him.

He visited me last night, I woke to him sitting at the end of my bed. It startled me since he hadn't been back to my room since he came in yelling. He looked so sad, his lips were pressed together like he was scared to speak the words trapped in his head. He crawled up beside me, just sitting there staring as if he could see right through me. He was so close, I could feel the heat of his breath over my nose. His eyes so dark they blended with the night. Eventually, I tried to ask him what was wrong, but he didn't answer, instead, he leaned in closer. He tried to kiss me, but I moved away. I really couldn't believe it, that he would have the audacity to try something like that after months without so much as a word. This visit was my turn to yell. I said things I would have never imagined saying to him, to my favorite person alive.

I went to his room later, I felt so bad for how I had spoken to him, I wanted to apologize. When I got there his room was empty, mattress stripped clean and drawers pulled open and bare. I think he was trying to kiss me goodbye. I'm so scared he won't come back Mama. I think he really did die that day in the mine.

Lucy.

(76th day of spring)

Hey Mom,

Gray and Juvia came back today, half a month early. They ran into some trouble, a man with metal clawed gloves dipped in some sort of poison. Gray's okay, but Juvia is really sick. He says she hasn't woken for three days. He's really worried about her, I can tell from the way his hands shake. He hasn't left her bedside all day. It's sweet, but it reminded me of Natsu. I miss when he used to spend the night.

I haven't heard from him, not even a letter. I hope he's okay.

Love from your dearest,

Lucy.

(86th day of spring)

Dear Mom,

Spring always reminds me of you, I remember how much it was your favorite, even though I always preferred summer. I miss when we strolled the garden together and the only thing to worry about was not fraying my gown or scuffing my shoes.

Juvia still hasn't woken up yet, and I think Gray is starting to panic. He's going on lots of jobs, says he can't stay on the grounds too long or he starts to worry about her. I offered to be his new 'in-term' partner while he waits for her to get better. I really need to make some more money, and I don't think Natsu is coming back anytime soon.

We leave tomorrow morning and I'm kind of excited, I've never been on a job without Natsu before. I think it'll be a good chance to prove myself. I just hope this doesn't make me miss him any more than I already do.

Love,

Lucy.

(32nd day of summer)

Mama,

Working with Gray has been really nice. He's actually a lot more kind and sweet then his cold persona would suggest. I think I can see why Juvia likes him so much. Gray listens, he's a good holder of information, a place to vent. He's held me while I cried and talked me through my nonsense brain. Sometime's he even shares his cigarettes with me. He's a really good guy, and I can see how much he loves Juvia. I really hope she wakes up soon, Porlyusica started warning of impairments the longer she's unconscious.

I'm glad Gray has been so good to me, it's nice having a friend to talk too again. I know Levy's here too, but she's always busy with guild work. The rest of the members are all amazing and accepting but it's just not the same. I hope he doesn't forget about me, or how close we've gotten when Juvia wakes up.

I'm really worried about Natsu. Mira says he's never been gone this long without at least a letter. I've been reading as many of Fiore's damage and crime reports as I can get my hands on. I pray that all the flame-related incidents are him. It gives me hope that he's alive.

Lucy.

(84th day of summer)

Hi Mom,

It's been a really long time, Summer's almost over now.

Please Mama, don't judge me. I think I made a mistake. Gray and I went too far, we slept together. I gave him all my firsts, and I think he gave me some of his. I regret it all, and I can tell he does too. We had an awful day, our mission was a complete failure. We spent the night at some shabby inn, the bed smelled like rot but we honestly didn't care. We both cried after and pretended we couldn't hear one another. Juvia's been in a coma for almost half a year. I think he's trying to process the thought of actually losing her. I swear I could taste sadness on his lips. I think we're both grieving the loss of someone significant.

I thought about Natsu the entire time, I could picture all his scars over Gray's skin. I pretended his icy breath smelt of cinnamon and ash. It's been so long, but I still think about him every minute. I wish he had been the first to touch me. I love Gray, I really do, but not like that. My body feels dirty even after scrubbing my skin raw.

I can't pick out any damage or crime reports that I could even remotely relate to Natsu, and his mattress doesn't smell like him anymore either. I sleep there every night. If he's with you Mama, please take care of him.

I love you, so much,

Lucy.

(49th day of fall)

Dear Mom,

I asked Gray if he thought I should dig a metaphorical grave for Natsu. He told me I was crazy, said he would know if that 'cocky fire pit went out'. I hope he's right. We don't talk about what happened. Ever. We just pretend it never did.

I've been studying telepathy, and I'm getting pretty good. And yes, I learned it from great grandmother's book. I finally opened it. I feel dirty knowing the thoughts of my teammates sometime's so I don't use it often, however, my new favorite trick is dream diving. I do it to Gray when we're out on missions and he's gone to bed for the night. I hope he doesn't feel violated, his dreams aren't very interesting anyway. The only constant is the cold. Don't ask me how somebody dream's in temperatures, he just does.

Other time's though, I try to reach Natsu. I'm not really sure how far my range is and I have no reason to believe it could ever reach him. I still try though.

Lucy.

(73rd day of fall)

Mama,

Juvia woke up. I'm not sure if this is good or bad news. She's unresponsive, constantly staring at the ceiling. Porlyusica says there's a good chance of more function after a few days. But the sight of her, so sunken and lifeless is nothing less than disturbing. It's shattering Gray's heart, and watching it shatters mine. He won't eat, it's been four days. I don't want to lose another friend. This year has been the worst.

Job requests are coming in fewer and fewer, all of Fiore is under such a heated eye. Royal guards on every corner, in every continent. It's nerve-racking to hire mages while under constant watch, and nearly impossible for said mages to complete missions unsaved. The streets are war zone's, the anti-magic forces haven't been this strong since the initial banning or the day you died. One day, I want to fix it, this awful divide of man and man. I tell myself your death wasn't for nothing. I hope nobody dies for nothing. Too much of valuable human life is wasted. Humanity is cruel I suppose.

Your's truly,

Lucy.

        (50th day of Winter)

       Mom,

A very merry Christmas to you, and to Natsu. I hope he's with you and not lost in the stars. Things have been getting better. Juvia is up and talking, she can even walk around a bit with a sturdy shoulder from Gray. My heart hasn't felt relief like this in far too long, I feel like it could burst. I couldn't help but cry when I saw Gray smile again. All it took was Juvia's mangled stutter of his name. It was such a pure smile, like he had decided to donate his soul to her. I don't blame him, Juvia is an amazing woman. I feel like I stabbed her in the back and I don't think the guilt for my excursion with Gray will ever go away. I wonder if he plans to tell her. I thought about doing it myself, but it feels unfair to confess how another tried to mend their grieving heart.

It's almost been an entire year since he left. I don't think I really believe that he's dead but sometime's it's easier to lie about it. Natsu showed me a whole new world, took my hand and cherished me with such open arms. I can deny it all I want, but I know I fell in love with him, his every feature is burned against the inside of my skull. If he really is gone, I won't forget him, but I think I'll be okay eventually.

Sending you love filled with holiday warmth,

Lucy.

Original story and bonus content found here! ↓↓↓↓

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13289933/1/Silence-and-Cigarette-Smoke

[ihatecoconut]

Finding You

Cross Posted to AO3

The Conlons moved from Ireland to New York when Spot was ten and he ran away a little under a year later. If you asked him about it, he would tell you that nothing particularly dramatic happened to push him to make that final leap, he would tell you that he had just decided that he had had enough of the fighting, the violence and the judgement and there, in New York, he found that he knew the streets in a way that he had never known his way around in Ireland.

To him, it was as if he had been there before and spent a lifetime learning how to get around in the easiest, quickest, safest way possible. This was, of course completely true. Spot didn’t know that though- unlike the Jacobs siblings, still several hundred miles away, he had repressed the memories of before and wasn’t aware that he had actually been in New York before.

Regardless of what he remembered, he ran away from the little home his father had bought and navigated the streets of Brooklyn, into Manhattan, with no conscious idea of where he was going. 

When the evening came, he found himself a back alley outside a small bakery to sleep in and dug through the trash until he found an oversized winter jacket- it was missing most of its fasteners, and there were a few rips in it, but it was warm and it covered Spot enough to keep him hidden. He slept there that night, fitfully and woken by every odd noise, flinching every time he heard footsteps or a door slamming. He was exhausted when morning came and the bakery’s workers began setting up for the day, and he was also starving. The bread oven was on and he could smell it baking; he hadn’t eaten in over 12 hours, despite being used to having three meals a day and it was beginning to hurt.

He curled up further into the coat and refused to cry.

“I think it’s a kid…” he heard a voice whisper, “we don’t know what to do,”

He sat up at that, noticing that the door he had been curled up opposite was open now, and he had obviously been asleep because the sun was much higher in the sky- he couldn’t run away, he would be noticed almost immediately.

“Hey.” A voice said, from the doorway and Spot looked up into the eyes of a concerned man. A concerned man that part of him recognised, that part of him was convinced he could trust.

“Hi.”

“Are you hungry?” The man continued, holding out a paper bag, “I brough some food.”

Spot uncurled enough to lean forwards and take the bag, inside was a medium sized roll of bread and a croissant. “Thank you.” He said, stuffing the food into his mouth.

“Hey, hey not so fast,” the man said, leaning forwards to stop him shoving the whole roll in at once, “you’ll make yourself sick.”

Obediently, Spot slowed his chewing down, cursing himself for being so afraid of people that he would just follow orders without question. The man broke off bits of the roll and handed them to him, apparently not trusting that he wouldn’t just eat it at once.

“I’m Denton.” The man said, “Bryan Denton, I’m a teacher at the local high school.”

Spot knew that the man wanted his name, but if he gave Denton his name then he would be able to find his parents and send him back,

“Hey, hey.” The man said, for the second time, “I’m not gonna hurt you, and I’m not gonna send you back to wherever you ran away from.”

“What makes you think I ran away from anywhere?” Spot demanded, ripping the bit of roll that he had into smaller pieces.

“I foster three children,” Denton told him, “Niamh, Sophia, and Tommy. They’re all with me because they ran away from bad lives.”

“Oh.” The names were familiar to him in the same way that Denton himself had been, and now that Spot thought about it they were all familiar in the same way the streets of New York had been.

“I have a spare room.” Denton continued casually, as if they were discussing the weather rather than the fact that Spot had run away. “It’s yours if you want it.”

“You won’t send me back?” Spot asked, hating how small he sounded, “Even if they come looking?”

“I would never send you back somewhere you hated so much that you ran away.”

“Ok.”

Denton was true to his word with a vigour that Spot had not expected, he dealt with the police, he dealt with his parents’ lawyers and he fought tooth and nail to keep Spot with him. Niamh- Hotshot as she had introduced herself- said that he had done the same for all three of them, and then she had looked at him as if she was expecting that to mean something. It didn’t, but Spot was pretty certain that somewhere deep inside of him it did, and he just had to uncover that part.

*

Race, on the other hand, had lived in New York his entire life. His parents had emigrated from Italy when his mother was pregnant, and he had been born in Manhattan. He spoke Italian at home and English at school, and his memories came to him as he was introduced to the people he had known before.

He met Jack when they were both five, had called him Cowboy immediately, and both of them had remembered another time when they were both five and Jack had introduced himself as Cowboy. After that, the memories kind of grew as he aged, or sometimes if a major event happened, and he found himself with a group of friends who knew him better than he knew himself and a nickname that his parents hated. Not that it really mattered what his parents thought because they were both killed in a car crash when he was eight.

Jack took him to Kloppman’s, Kloppman took him in, the state approved it and Racetrack found himself with friends that were more like family. An easy move from orphaned to in a home, much easier than some of the other boys’, even if he did sometimes find himself waking up, the memory of the crunch of the car and the screams of his mother at the front of his mind.

*

Race and Spot met when they were eleven, two weeks after Spot had moved into Denton’s alongside Hotshot, Smalls, and Tommy Boy, and that was the catalyst for Spot’s repressed memories to make their way back into the forefront of his mind.

“I’m Racetrack.” The curly-haired blond boy who was missing three teeth had said, sticking his hand out for Spot to shake, “But you can call me Race or Racer because everyone does.”

“I’m Racetrack,” The other newsie had said, “But folks mostly call me Race or Racer, on account of I sell at the races.”

“I’m Spot.” He said, shaking the hand carefully, and wondering why it had felt like something was missing.

“Thanks for letting me stay then, your majesty,” Racer had said, grinning, and he spat into his hand and held it out to seal their business deal.

They had been inseparable for the rest of the day, since Spot had decided to stick by Race until he worked out why he could remember another version of Race, and Spot remembered that Denton had seen the two of them together and smiled like something made perfect sense.

“It’s time to go home, Spot,”

“Sure,” Denton laughed, “you ask the governor to give you a ride home in his carriage.”

“Alright, I’ll see you tomorrow, Race.”

“And the rest of us!” Jack yelled, “We’ll see you too,”

“You know, Spot, sometimes I feel you only come over here to see Racer.”

“I do, Cowboy, shut up.”

“Bye!”

They had left then, and Spot had turned around to glance at the entrance as Smalls and Tommy Boy ran ahead, fighting with sticks, and he was struck by the idea that it said the wrong thing.

“You’ll sort it out,” Denton told him, quietly, “It’s confusing at first, but you’ll sort it out.”

*

Two years later, Denton had proven to be correct, while sometimes one person would say something that remined him of one specific memory, he no longer felt utterly confused by them, and after Katherine joined, he had someone who actually wanted to talk about why they had those memories rather than just accepting them like everyone else did.

“I don’t know,” she said, taking a sip of her overpriced coffee, “I mean when I first met Jack, I looked at him and remembered the penthouse, and the ‘Hattan newsies in detail, and I remembered more about them the more of them I met- and same for you.”

“When I met Racer for the first time, I remembered meeting him for the first time last time.”

She nodded and pushed her hair back from her face- it was shorter this time round, shoulder length rather than long, but she still kept it pinned back at the front in the 1890s style. Spot had asked her why once and she had admitted that some old habits remained.

“It’s odd, though, I mean why only us, and everyone connected to us? Do other people remember past lives?”

“What are you gonna do, ask them?”

She laughed and shook her head, “Somehow I don’t think that would go down great.”

Talking with Katherine was nice; they hadn’t had any real friendship in the early 20th Century, so he was able to talk to her without the strong memories that he had connected to the others intervening, and she was logical when discussing the idea of reincarnation rather than jokey like the others.

“Mouth would know what to do,” he said, staring down at his now-cold hot chocolate.

Katherine nodded, mournfully, “Sometimes I find myself looking round for Sarah, but she’s not there.”

“I’m glad Racer is here.”

*

Remembering a past romantic relationship that they had had with each other hadn’t happened immediately, rather it had slowly slipped in alongside all other memories while Spot found himself more comfortable with physical contact with Racer until Race just sat in his lap sometimes without asking, and then he had kissed Race goodbye without thinking about it, and the memories had flooded in on his walk home.

Sheepshead. The stables. A little alcove where they ate lunch.

The docks. The water where they would both strip down. Kissing under the dock after dark.

The lodging house. Spot’s private room. Holding him to his chest until they fell asleep. Waking up with him still there.

They never really addressed it, Race had just come up to him the next day, asked if he remembered and kissed him again when Spot said he did. It was natural. It was good. It was a little weird to be so public about it, and more than once he found himself stepping back whenever someone came into the room, but Race did the same. They grew more comfortable.

They didn’t go to Sheepshead anymore, nor did they go to the docks, but they had Kloppman’s like they had had the Manhattan lodging house, and they had Denton’s like they had had Spot’s private room.

“I love you.” Race told him, eyes fixed on the TV screen, “I did last time as well, but I couldn’t say it.”

“I love you too.”

Whispering it into Race’s hair after he had fallen asleep, wishing that things could be different.

Saying it aloud whenever he wanted to because things were different.

[noladyme]

The Crown Princess of Charming - part 3

Welcome to Charming - its name says it all. Cat needed a fresh start; and though she hadn’t planned on that being in the arms of the crown prince of this little town’s bikerclub - that was what happened. This Charming CA would either be the death of her - or a whole new life.

Rated M

Tag-list

@wolf-lover-bookdragon

@wonderlandfandomkingdom​

3

The next day I was woken by the sound of Jax talking quietly on his phone. He was sitting on the edge of the bed. “… and I want Fat Phil on her at all times”, he muttered. “Jax?”, I said. He looked at me. “Let me call you back”. He snapped his phone shut; and leant over to kiss me. “Did you sleep ok?”. “Yeah”, I said. “What was that about”.

Jackson frowned and sighed. “I’m gonna have one of my guys stay close to you for a few days. Just until we know, what this guy is planning on doing”. I shuddered. He stroked my cheek. “Hey. It’s ok. You’ll be safe. The prospect will be by the school all day; and I’ll pick you up afterwards”. “Phil?”, I said. “The big guy, with the glasses?”. Jax nodded. “You want him hanging out in front of a middle school all day… that’s not creepy”. “I didn’t think of that”, Jax chuckled.

I sat up, and took his hand; kissing his knuckles. “I’ll be fine Jax. Last night was just… a scare”, I said. “I know Josh. I’ve dealt with him before”. “Josh?”, Jax grimaced. “Sounds like a dick”. I smiled. “You’d be right”.

I began to get out of bed; but Jax grabbed my wrist; pushed my shoulder to lay down again. “It’s only 6.30. We got time”, he smirked; and laid himself on top of me; pecking my lips cheekily. “Oh, really?”, I smiled; and ran my hands down his strong arms. “Let me get under there…”, Jax whispered; and moved the covers from between us; to put them over us both. His fingers found my folds; already moist from his kisses and his soft voice.

Our lips and tongues moved more frantically; and before long; Jackson was inside me again; moving slowly – trying to gage my limit; as I was still slightly sore from the night before. His eyes searched mine. “Ok?”, he whispered. I nodded and smiled; and Jax kissed me.

—

30-40 very pleasurable minutes later; we were cuddled up on the bed; Jackson resting his head on my chest, and letting his index finger circle the outline of my nipple. “This here… I like this”, he smiled. “What; my boob?”, I chuckled. He raised his head; and pushed my breasts together. “I like both your boobs”, he smirked; and kissed first one, then the other. “I was talking about laying here with you”. I pulled his face to mine; and kissed him; nibbling lightly at his lower lip. “It’s pretty high on my list too”, I smiled. He rubbed his nose to mine, and pecked my lips.

“We should get dressed”, I whispered. Jackson groaned; and wrapped his arms around me – rolling over, so I was now laying on top of him. “That’s the worst idea you’ve had all morning”. I laughed and stroked my fingers across his forehead. “It’s still early. I can have plenty more”.

Jax grabbed my ass-cheek and pulled me impossibly tighter into his grasp. I felt his cock twitch against my stomach again. “Jax…”, I moaned. “As much as I’d like to spend the day letting you screw my brains out; I have a job, and you have a son you haven’t seen in 3 days.

Jackson sighed. “You’re right”, he smiled. “Let’s do it”. He rolled me off him and got out of the bed; before turning to me; flaunting his semi-hardon. “Quick BJ?”, he smirked. I threw a pillow at him. “Yeah, yeah. I’m going…”. I climbed out of bed myself, walking towards the bathroom for a quick shower. “You’re a horndog; Jackson”, I smiled over my shoulder. “It’s all for you, babe”, he called after me.

I got cleaned up; and let Jax step into the shower after me; fighting of his attempts to get me to join him. We got dressed; and drove towards a part of town I hadn’t been in yet.

Stopping in front of a nice, small house; Jax let me get off, before parking next to Gemma’s car in the driveway. He took my hand. “This is me”, he said; and we walked towards the door.

Inside, I was met by the welcome smell of coffee and toaster waffles. “Mom?”, Jax called out. “I’m in here!”, Gemma’s voice answered. “Go grab some coffee, babe”, Jax muttered, and gestured towards the kitchen.

The house was warm – homely. I felt completely at ease in it; as if I’d been here 1000 times before. Had it been my own home; I’d have changed the curtains – but it wasn’t my place. I grabbed a mug from one of the pantries; and poured myself some coffee – placing myself by the window, so I could look outside. The neighborhood was quiet, it seemed. Well-trimmed lawns, and well kept, modest houses.

Looking down; I noticed a baby-bottle waiting to be cleaned in the sink. I picked it up, and rinsed it out; before putting it in the steamer. “You didn’t have to do that”, Gemma said from behind me. I turned to face her. “I was just standing here, anyway”. She smiled at me kindly but warily. “Did you both spend the night at the motel?”, she asked. I smiled nervously. “My son is a grown ass man. He can do what he wants. Just make sure you know what you’re getting yourself in to”. I frowned slightly, avoiding her eyes. “Abel?”, I muttered. “Him too…”, she said.

Gemma grabbed a mug of coffee herself; and sat down by the table. “It seems everyone thinks I should back off Jackson…”, I said quietly. Gemma shook her head. “Not at all, sweetheart”, she said softly. “Just… take care of that heart of yours, ok? My boy has a soft spot for good people – which means you must be one”. I sent her a crooked smile. Gemma continued. “I haven’t seen him this caught up in someone in a long time – if ever”.

“What are you talking about?”, Jax asked, as he stepped into the kitchen carrying Abel. “Girl talk”, his mother answered, and got up from her chair. “Neeta will be here in 30 minutes. See you later, baby”. She kissed Jacksons cheek; and sent me a smile; before leaving through the front door. I saw her drive away.

“You good?”, Jax asked; standing next to me. I smiled at him. “Yeah”, I said. “She’s just protective”. He frowned. “I’ll talk to her”. “Actually, she was trying to protect me”, I chuckled. He laughed. “Well I am a dangerous biker”, he said. He was standing, bouncing a baby on his hip; with a nappy over his shoulder. “Yeah, you’re badass”, I grinned.

He leant in and kissed me softly. “Can I hold him?”, I asked. Jax’s eyes lit up. “Yeah, of course”. He handed me Abel, and I lifted him into the air; before lowering him to my face. “Hey baby. Remember me?”. The baby giggled in recognition. Jax looked at me cautiously. “Will you be ok with him, while I change?”. He was still wearing his clothes from the night before. “We’ll be fine. Just hurry. I might run off with him. He is the cuter Teller”, I smiled. Jax smirked at me; and kissed Abel’s head. “Don’t steal daddy’s girl; ok, buddy?”, he said, and walked towards his bedroom.

I made funny faces at Abel for a little while; before Jax stepped in to the kitchen again – looking every bit the hot biker I’d met a few days before. A crisp white t-shirt was covering his torso; over which he’d put a gun-holster. I grimaced a bit at the sight. “It’s part of the package, Cat”, he said softly. I nodded with a hesitant smile. “Are you going to be ok with that?”. He sounded worried. “I can’t say yes; because I don’t know why it’s necessary”, I said.

He stepped over to me; wrapping his arms around both me and the baby. The sensation was unfamiliar; but strangely comfortable. I was standing in the arms of a gorgeous man; holding his son in my own. “If this is what I think it is…”, Jax said, “… What I hope it is… I’ll let you know everything you want to”. He kissed my forehead. “Ok?”. I nodded.

Neeta let herself in to the house. “Hello?”, she said softly. “Hey, Neeta”, Jax said. “We need to run. He’s already eaten, and I just changed him a little while ago”. The woman smiled warmly, and took Abel from my arms. “You need anything from the store today?”, she asked. “Nah; we’re set. Thanks”, Jackson smiled. He grabbed my hand. “Let’s go”.

He kissed Abel’s head again; and we walked out of the house. Getting on the bike behind Jackson was becoming like second nature; and I quickly got comfortable in my seat. “A little closer”, Jax said over his shoulder; pulling at my arms; so I was wrapping them around his torso, instead of just holding on to his waist. “Are you afraid I’ll fall off?”, I said. I heard him chuckle. “Nah, you ride like a queen. I just like it when you rub up on me”, he smirked. “Horndog”, I chuckled. “You ain’t seen nothing yet, darlin’”, he said, and revved the engine; driving us down the street.

—

I slipped into a nice routine, my second week in Charming. I spent my days at the school making friends with my coworkers, who all seemed very nice. Ray hadn’t told anyone about my record; which I thanked him for when I met him in the hallway. “New job; fresh start”, he’d smiled.

My afternoons shifted between coffee-dates with Lyla – who had a much more flexible schedule than me – and grading book-reports. Jax had business in Oakland all Tuesday; so I didn’t see him until Wednesday night – when he showed up with a pizza and a sixpack of beer. We hadn’t eaten or drank much; but in stead ended up under the sheets; passing out from exhaustion a few hours later. At 5 am; he kissed me goodbye, and gone home to take over Abel from his mom.

We texted throughout the day – but it was frustrating to know I could only have him with me part time. I tried not to let it show in my messages.

I picked up my mail from the reception. I’d received the check from the scrapping of my old car, and a yellow envelope. I went to my room to open it. Inside the envelope was a picture of me, from my dancing days. I was dressed in a black corsage, and red frilly panties – a seductive grin on my face. On the back of the picture someone had written a message.

What do you think will happen, when they all find out who you REALLY are?

I tore up the photo; throwing it in the trash. I was about to call 911; when I realized they couldn’t do anything. I’d been through it before. “Sorry, miss. There’s nothing we can do, unless you have tangible evidence that this man is a danger to you”. “He’s an FBI agent! He knows how to hide evidence!” “Like I said… sorry…”.

I wanted Jax. I didn’t even really know him, but at that moment I wanted him beside me so badly, I could taste it. I counted the minutes until it was 10 pm – the time Jax had promised to call. Just knowing that I would hear his voice, made my breathing relax. This is still nothing. He’s not here. If he was, he’d show up himself.

When my phone rang; I picked up at the first ring. “Jax?”. “Hi, kitty…”. “Leave me alone, Joshua!”, I yelled. “I can’t, honey. You know I can’t. I just want what’s best for you… for us”. “There is no us. Don’t call. Don’t send flowers or pictures. We’re done”. “Is he there?” I didn’t answer. Josh’s voice boomed. “Is he there, I said!”. “Yes…”, I said; hoping my lie would put him off. “No, he’s not. I know when you’re not telling the truth, Catherine”. I heard him sigh. “This is such a breach of trust, honey…”.

I hung up; and ran to the door – putting on the security chain, and turning off the lights.

When my phone rang again, I didn’t recognize the number; so I didn’t pick up. 5 minutes later Lyla’s number flared up on the screen; and I answered the call. “Hello?”, I said quietly. “Baby?”. I exhaled in a sob. “Why didn’t you pick up?”, Jax asked. “I didn’t recognize the number”. “Did he call you again?”, Jackson growled. “Yeah…”, I whimpered. He let out a long breath. “Are you at the motel?”, he asked. “Yeah, I put the chain on. Turned off the lights. “I can’t come over, I’m so sorry”, he said with sadness and anger in his voice. “I’m safe here”, I said. “No, I want you at Opie’s”. “Aren’t you already there?”, I asked. “No, I’m at Cara Cara. Using Lyla’s phone”. The thought of him in a porn studio, while I was hyperventilating; made me sick. “Ok”, I muttered. “It’s business, Cat. I know it sounds bad, but it’s life or death right now. I’m meeting some people”. He sighed. “Look, I’m calling Opie right now. He’ll pick you up…”. “No, Jax. I can’t be around his kids right now”. “Shit!”, he yelled. “Ok, listen to me. Pack whatever shit you need; get in your car – and drive straight to TM. There’s a dorm at the clubhouse”. “What am I gonna say?”. “Chibs is there. Tell him you’re waiting for me. He won’t ask questions”. “Ok” “Bye, babe”. He hung up.

—

I arrived at TM 15 minutes later; having sped, and run two red lights. As Jax had said; Chibs was in the clubhouse; greeting me with a big smile. “Hello, my love. How can I help you this fine evening?”. I was desperately trying to calm my breath. “I’m waiting for Jax. He said to go to the dorm”. Chibs narrowed his eyes at me. “Aye… everything all right?”. I searched for an answer; coming up short.

Chibs walked over to me, and took my overnight bag. “Come on”, he said; and I followed him down the hall; to a room furnished with a bed, a desk and a couch. “It’s in here”. “Thanks”, I muttered, as he put down my back, and put his hand on my shoulder. “I’ll get you a cup of tea. Jackson will be here in a couple of hours”. I nodded, and sat on the edge of the bed. Chibs sighed. “Don’t know what’s wrong, luv’; but you’re safe here – no matter what it is”. He lifted his cut; showing me a gun strapped to his side. “All right?”. I tried to smile.

A little while later, Chibs came back with a steaming cup of hot chocolate. “Out of tea. Hope this is ok”. He set the cup on the nightstand, and kissed my forehead. “There are nudiemags in the desk if you need a good read”, he smirked. This time I did smile. “Thank you Chibs”.

He nodded; and answered his phone, that had been in his pocket. “Yeah?… Yeah, she’s here…”. He turned his back to me, and walked down the hall. “You know I will… right… No, just me… I won’t”. His voice faded away, and I stood up to close the door after him; not feeling the necessity to lock it. I drank my hot chocolate; and got under the covers fully clothed – falling into a restless sleep.

A few hours later I was woken by the bed dipping. “Shh, babe. It’s me”, Jax whispered. He gently undressed me; not making a lewd remark, or touching me in any sexual way. He was just gentle. Once he was done, he undressed himself; and crawled under the sheets – pulling me into him.

“It’s not supposed to be like this, Jax”, I whimpered. “What isn’t?”, he asked. “I don’t want you to have to take care of me like I’m a wounded animal”. “But you are wounded”. “I hate that you have to see me like this… weak”. He kissed my forehead. “You’re not weak, baby. But you’re not safe either”. He sighed. “I’m gonna have Phil with you tomorrow. No discussion. He’ll keep a low profile”. “Ok”, I whispered.

He held me tightly until I fell asleep again.

—

The next day I woke up to Jax kissing me. “Hey”, he whispered. I smiled softly at him. “What time is it?”, I asked. “7.30”, he said. “Shit, I have to be at work in an hour”. “Phil picked up your work bag at the motel”, he said. “He swore that he didn’t go through your underwear”. I chuckled.

“Thank you, baby”, I smiled. “You’re welcome, darlin’”. Jax kissed me softly again. “After work, come back here. If I’m not around, someone else will be. Just tell ‘em…”. “I’m waiting for you”, I said. He smiled. “Good girl”.

He kissed me deeply one last time; before he had to run off for something.

I noticed the prospect they called Fat Phil, driving behind me in the TM tow-truck; on my way to work. He lifted his hand in greeting when I parked my car, and went in to the school. He, himself, parked a little down the street.

I found it difficult to concentrate on my classes; even getting to the point of checking my phone for unanswered calls while the kids were asking me questions. I didn’t know whether I was waiting for Jax to call – or Josh. None of them called.

When I started the old chevy, it stalled a couple of times, before I could get it running. Phil stepped out of the tow-truck to see if I was ok. I shook my head at him; and he got back behind the well. I mouthed a thank you; and the kind looking big guy smiled at me.

—

Arriving at TM; I parked the chevy by the shop. I didn’t see Jax anywhere; but Tig was having a cigarette next to an oil-can. “Living on the edge, Tig?”, I smiled. “You know it, sweetheart”, he grinned. “Car acting up?”. I shrugged. “She stalled a few times after work”. He took the keys from me. “I’ll look her over quick”, he said. “Here comes your prince”. He nodded in the direction of the clubhouse. Jax was walking out the door with Chibs and Happy.

A white Honda rolled in to the lot; parking near the clubhouse. The blonde who had given me the finger my first day in Charming; stepped out. She was wearing a barely-there denim skirt, and a tank top that didn’t cover her bra. Her presence certainly made me feel over-dressed – in my jeans and Ramones t-shirt.

“Who’s she?”, I asked Tig. He clenched his jaw, and looked at me almost apologetically. “Bad news”, he muttered. “Cara Cara”.

I walked towards Jax, who hadn’t seen me yet; but the girl made her way to him before I had a chance. He finally noticed me, looking over her shoulder; as she wrapped her arms around his neck, and kissed his cheek. I swallowed bile, and walked closer.

“You left this at my place, honey”, she purred. Handing him an SOA t-shirt. “We’re you trying to tell me something?”. Jax clenched his jaw. “No, Ima. I was just in a hurry to leave”, he said. “And that was weeks ago”. She ran a finger down his chest with a pout on her painted lips.

“Jax?”, I called out. The girl turned around. “He’s busy”, she sneered. “I can see”, I answered, with a sarcastic smile. Jackson tore himself loose from her; and walked over to me, taking my hand. “Sorry”, he muttered. Chibs looked at the blonde. “Go home, Ima. No one’s in the mood for the claps tonight”. Ima sent me a venomous look; and went back to her car to drive away. “Let’s go inside”, Jax said quietly. I took my hand from his; and walked in front of him into the clubhouse.

Once inside, I sat down on a couch by the wall; accepting a beer from Phil. “Thanks for hanging out today, Phil”, I smiled at him. “No problem, ma’am”. He walked back behind the bar.

Jax sat down next to me. “You have a smoke?”, I asked. He grabbed one from his packet, and lit it; before handing it to me. He lit one for himself. “I’m sorry, darlin’. You shouldn’t have had to see that”. “What? That you’ve had sex with someone else? I knew you weren’t a virgin”, I scoffed. He bit his lip. “Still…”, he muttered; taking a drag from his smoke. I clenched my jaw. “Her, though?”, I said. He frowned. “Yeah, I know”, he said. “It’s not a good look”.

I stifled a laugh. “She got a crow tattooed somewhere?”, I asked. He shook his head. “If she does, it’s not mine”. “I’m never getting one of those things”, I said. He gave me a half smile. “You’ve got ink”, he retorted. I raised my brows at him. “You’d have to get me drunk, and hold me down”. “That can be arranged…”, he smirked.

Jackson slid his arm around me; and pulled me in for a kiss. I put my fingers to his lips. “Please tell me you got tested afterwards…”. He grimaced. “I did… even the painful ones”. I grinned at him; and kissed his lips.

I took a sip of my beer; and Chibs joined us; having brought a drink for himself and Jackson. “VP”, he muttered; handing him the beer. They clinked their bottles, and drank. Jackson leant back in the couch; and playing with the hair at the back of my neck. “You don’t like porn stars, babe?”, he asked. “What about Lyla?”. I smiled brightly. “Lyla’s a doll. I love her”, I said, and took a sip of my own drink. “And her movies”.

Jax’s eyes widened, and he grinned widely at me. Chibs laughed out loud. “She’s a keeper, Jackie!”, he proclaimed loudly. “Ever thought of going in to the industry yourself, luv’?”. Jax stared at him with mock menace. “I’ve done my stint in underwear”, I smiled. “But I never got naked”. “This I have to hear”, the scot chuckled. “Another time”, I winked at him.

The sheriff from Gemma’s birthday stepped into the clubhouse. “Hey fellas. Got a beer?”. “You off duty yet, Unser?”, Bobby said from his stool at the bar. “When am I ever?”, Unser answered, accepting the cold brew from Phil.

The sheriff walked over to where we were sitting. He stuck out his hand at me. “I didn’t get to introduce myself at the party last week”, he said, as I shook his hand. “Unser. Sheriff of this… shithole”. “I dunno”, I said. “I like this town”. “Well, Samcro’s got you under their wing, so you’re set up”. “I’m Cat”, I said. “The school teacher”, the sheriff smiled. “Welcome”.

“Unser!”, Clay called from a doorway to what looked like a meeting room. “I need you”. “Duty calls”, the sheriff muttered; and joined Clay. I leaned back against Jacksons arm. “You’re working with the sheriff?”, I said quietly. “When we need to…”, he said. “Don’t worry about it”. He kissed my cheek.

My ordeal with the photograph and phonecall, disappeared into the very back of my mind; as I spent the next hour in Jax’s warm embrace – listening to stories from the road, and laughing at dirty jokes; even telling some myself. At one point, even Clay joined us. “How you doing, teach’?”, he asked. “I’m good”, I smiled. Jax squeezed my thigh; before noticing Tig calling him over. “I can see that”, Clay smiled.

Jax left me with Chibs and Clay; Juice taking his seat – though keeping his hands to himself. “I don’t know what you’re doing to that boy”, Clay said. “But he’s awful happy these days”. I smiled and blushed. “It’s the dirty jokes, Clay”, Chibs said. “Girls got a mouth on her”. Clay laughed. “Tell us one”, Juice said. “I think I’m fresh out”, I chuckled. All three men booed me; and demanded I think one up. “Ok, ok…”, I said. “Why does Santa have such a large sack?”. Chibs halted me. “Bobby; this one’s about you!”, he cried out. Bobby sauntered over. Chibs smirked at him. “Bob, why does Santa have such a large sack?”, he said. Bobby shook his head. “I dunno, tell me”.

“He only comes once a year”, I said; to a roar of laughter.

Jax came over to us. He looked worried. “Cat, I need to talk to you”. I took his hand and followed him outside to my car; which Tig had parked in one of the spots by the clubhouse. He handed me the keys; patted Jax’s shoulder, and walked towards the door. “I’ll tell ‘em myself”, Jax called after him. “Sure thing, brother”, Tig answered.

I looked at Jacksons concerned face. “What’s wrong?”, I asked timidly. Jax showed me a small grey box. “Tig found this in your car. It’s a GPS-tracker”. I shook my head. “Where did it come from?”, I said. He raised his brows at me, and shrugged. “I was hoping you could tell me”.

I stepped back from him. “What are you saying?”, I sneered. He grabbed my hand, and pulled me back. “I’m not saying anything, babe. I don’t…”. He sighed. “We’ve been getting some heat lately; with our business”. I clenched my jaw. “What business?”, I said. “Cat…”, Jax began. “No, Jackson! What business?”, I demanded. “If you’re going to put your heat on me… suggest that I’m somehow…”. “I’m not suggesting anything”, he said softly. I tilted my head; and looked deep into his blue eyes. “Tell me”.

Jax sighed. “It’s guns”, he said. I parted my lips, stifling a gasp. “We mule guns and… other things. It’s why I leave town for days at a time… The ATF is on to us… we think”. “Shit…”, I whispered. He chewed his lips, before putting his hand to my cheek. “If you want to walk away; there’s your car. GPS-free. I won’t hassle you; or do anything about it”.

My heart was racing. This is bad, Cat. Run!

I took a deep breath. “I’m not going anywhere”, I said. He put his forehead to mine. “Thank you”, he whispered. “Don’t ever accuse me off…”. He pulled back and shook his head profusely. “I would never…”, he insisted.

I slid my arms around him; and he held me close; kissing the top of my head. I breathed deeply again. “I need to tell you something”, I said. He looked at me. “That guy… Josh…”. I swallowed. “He’s FBI”. Jackson looked dumbfounded. “Shit”, he breathed. “That’s why you couldn’t get a restraining order”. I nodded. “He had too much pull”.

Jax shook his head. “Last weekend, a deal went south; when we were interrupted by the feds”. I sighed. That’s why he’d been bruised. “I did that…”. He pulled me tighter against me. “No, baby. No”, he said. “We don’t know this has anything to do with that… But – if you and I are going to do this – I need to take this to the club”. I swallowed. “I’ll go with you”. He shook his head. “No, Cat”, he muttered. “You don’t need to be a part of this”. “I might already be…”, I said.

He sighed, and nodded.

—

Ten minutes later Jax had most of his brothers sitting around the large wooden table, in their meeting room. I figured this was where they held church. It was clear women weren’t allowed at the table, so I’d taken a seat in a chair behind Jackson.

Clay folded his hands. “Why’d you ask for this meeting, VP?”. He looked towards me. “This young lady here is beautiful, but we don’t usually allow old ladies at the table”. Jax shook his head. “This isn’t church, Clay”, he said. “This is information. And it’s not to leave this room”. “Nothing ever does, Jackie”, Chibs said. Jax nodded. “Our situation with the Irish last weekend… I think I might know why the feds showed up. I’m not sure; but it looks like Cat might be involved”. Happy turned to look at me – fire in his eyes. “Cool it Hap’. Hear Jax out”, Clay said. “She’s innocent in this; and she didn’t know what she brought with her when she came here”, Jax said; and turned to look at me. “Tell ‘em”. His expression was encouraging.

I sighed, and looked at the floor. “I came here from Chicago… actually; I ran here from Chicago”, I began. “I’d been seeing a guy who… he wasn’t a good guy”. I noticed Chibs smiling at me. “Go on, luv’”.

I continued. “His name is Joshua Kohn. We went on some dates; and he… wanted more than I was willing to give. I tried to break it off; but he began stalking me… One time, he tracked me down at work; and when I tried to make him leave; he got violent”. Jax’s face turned to rage. “You didn’t tell me that”, he said. I looked at him timidly. “I didn’t think it would matter. I was hoping I wouldn’t have to deal with him again”.

“So he hurt you”, Clay said matter-of-factly. “Yeah”, I nodded. “He planted a story about drugs on me; to threaten me to come back to him. But it didn’t work… obviously”. Tig shook his head. “I’m sorry that happened to you sweetheart, I really am”, he said. “But that doesn’t explain the GPS in the chevy”.

“He’s FBI”, Jax said. It was like all air went out of the room. “I’m worried he’s trying to get to me… through you”, I said. “I’m sorry…”.

“It’s not your fault, teach’”, Clay muttered. “We’ve been getting heat even before this… But the feds. We need to figure this out”.

Jax put both his hands on the table; and sat up straight. “Cat is my old lady”, he declared. A rush of heat went through my body; and I didn’t know whether to smile; or go hide under a rock. “I take responsibility for her”. “We all do, son”, Clay said. The rest of the table muttered in agreement. “This club is nothing without family. We are a family”. “Thanks, brother”, Jax said. “But what’s the next step?”.

Clay sighed, and clenched his impressive jaw. “Like you said; we don’t know if what happened with the Irish has anything to do with Jax’s old lady. So for now; we play it safe. Treat it as we see it”. He looked at me. “We’ll keep you safe, sweetheart. This guy isn’t going to get to you. If he shows up; and it turns out he’s also to blame for our situation with the feds – well, it’s two birds with one stone when we get rid of him”. “We’re not just going to get rid of the FBI, Clay”, Tig said. “That’s for church. Tomorrow”, Clay answered; and stood up. “3 pm. Juice brings donuts; he’s behind on his dues”. Juice shrugged an apology. “Take your girl home, Jax”, Clay said. “She looks like she needs some tlc”.

They all stood up, and began leaving the room. Chibs walked around the table; and gave me a hug, and a kiss on the cheek. “Don’t worry, my love. We’ve got you”. “Thanks”, I muttered.

Once everyone had left the room; Jax put his arms around me. “How are you holding up?”. “I just told six armed criminals that I might have brought the FBI to their doorstep”, I said. “I’ve been better”. He kissed me softly, making me melt into his arms. “You have nothing to worry about”. “Because I’m an old lady?”, I chuckled. “You’re my old lady”, he smiled; and kissed me again.

“This has got to be the weirdest two weeks for anyone, in the history of time”, I said. “Welcome to Charming”, Jax smirked. “Let’s go”.

—

I left my car at TM; and Jax drove me to his house on his bike. He unlocked the door; and followed me inside; hanging his cut on the coat-hanger by the door. I put my jacket next to it. “I’m gonna take a shower”, he said; and kissed my cheek. “Wanna join me?”. I smiled softly. “Yeah”.

He took my hand, and walked down the hall to the bathroom. I hadn’t been in this end of the house. To my right I saw the door to a nursery; and to my left; what I thought was Jax’s bedroom.

Once in front of the bathroom door, Jax halted; and put his hands on my waist. “If you just want to sleep; I’ll understand”. I shook my head. “I need something to take my mind of things”, I smiled. He smiled, leant in; and kissed me. My lips parted; and his tongue found mine – softly letting them both brush against each other.

As I pulled back and met his eyes, I suddenly noticed specs of green in them. It made them even more deep and soulful.

He pulled off his t-shirt, and stepped into the bathroom. I followed his lead; and pulled of my own. He gently turned me around, and undid my bra for me; pushing the straps down my arms, kissing my shoulder gently. As I shrugged off my jeans and panties; he followed suit – and we were both naked.

Jax turned on the shower, and stepped inside, giving me a hand to follow him. The water was a perfect temperature. Warm enough to heat up my body; but not so hot it scolded me. Jax pulled me close, and kissed my neck; before pulling back to look at me. He smiled warmly. “Yeah…”, he said, and nodded. I smiled back at him.

He pulled out a bottle of soap; and squirted out a little of the liquid in his hand. “Turn around”, he said. He began washing my back gently; lathering up the soap. It was a masculine scent. Jax’s scent. And I loved it. He slowly ran his hands up and down my back, before running them over my bottom; and to my front, stroking over my stomach – concentrating on cleaning me off. This was all for pleasure; but also, to relax me.

His hands moved up; sliding over my breasts; covering them in the lather from his hands. His fingertips traced my nipples, finding my nipples erect; and gently tugging at them. I stifled a moan; and leaned back towards him – feeling his erection fold upwards against my back. Jax lowered his lips to my neck; and kissed the spot he had found those nights before; drawing the same moan from me he had gotten then. “I’m gonna use this against you, you know”, he chuckled against my skin, “Do whatever you want, just please don’t stop”, I breathed.

He ran his tongue in a trail down my neck; and turned me around by my waist – grabbing my lips in a kiss. I slid my arms around his neck, and pulled him closer – heat radiating from my core, through my body. I pulled my head back. “Let me wash you”, I said. He nodded, and handed me the soap.

I squirted some of it into my hand; and lathered it up: Running my hands over his chest; he smiled at me, and rested his hands on my hips. I worked the lather down his toned stomach, relishing in his firmness; and the stifled moans from his mouth. My hands slid around his waist, as I stroked his back; from his shoulder blades down to his ass – working them around the cheeks.

His cock twitched against my stomach. “Sorry”, he muttered with a grin. “No you’re not”, I smirked. “Yeah, you’re right”, he chuckled.

I slid my hands to his front; grabbing a hold of his hardness. He hissed in pleasure. “Stand still, Jackson”, I chided. “I’m trying to wash you”. “Yes ma’am”, he breathed; and moved his hands down to my ass. “Just gotta hold on to something”, he said. I giggled; and began stroking his length, slowly grabbing a firmer hold of it. “Shit, baby”, he rasped. “You think you can go twice?”, I breathed into his ear. “I’m up for a trial… oh!”, he gasped; as I let my other hand grasp his scrotum; massaging his testicles softly.

Jax had to put his hands to the wall to not topple over. I rubbed my breasts against his chest; and moved my hand faster. He looked down at his member in my hand; and furrowed his brow in pleasure. “Baby…”, he moaned. “Please…”. “Please, what?”, I said. He let out a long breath; and inhaled again; clenching his jaw and closing his eyes. “Don’t stop…”, he moaned. I moved my hand faster. “Look at me, Jax”. He opened his baby blues again. His pupils were blown; and his breath erratic. I felt his balls clench up; letting me know he was close. I bore my eyes into his; before with a final thrust with my hand; he came – spraying his seed up both our torsos. “Shit!”, he groaned. “Baby. How the hell… you’re… wow!”, he gasped and smiled at me.

I washed us both off with the water from the shower; and kissed him. “My turn”, he growled. “Get you ass in bed”.

He turned off the shower, and I stepped out of it; grabbing a towel to dry myself off. Suddenly I was lifted into the air; and with a firm hold around my waist; Jax transported me into the bedroom – laughing along with my shrieks of glee.

He threw me on the bed. “Jax; I’m dripping wet!”, I yelped. “Are you?”, he said; and crawled over me. “Let’s find out”. Two of his fingers sunk into me. “Oh, God!”, I yelped. “I thought we established it was just me”, he chuckled; and began rubbing his palm against my clit, as he massaged my front wall. “You’re right. You are wet”. I grinned at him; and he kissed me passionately; quickly drawing me towards my own extasy.

As I came on his fingers; he positioned himself between my legs. “I can go twice, as it turns out”, he breathed; and pulled out his fingers – replacing them with his penis. He sank into my still clenching warmth with a groan.

—

A good while and two orgasms later; I was resting against Jax’s chest. “Where the hell did you learn that?”, he chuckled. “I’m a mystery”, I smirked. He grinned, and kissed the top of my head. His fingers were drawing circles on my back.

“Actually, there’s something else I haven’t told you”, I said quietly. He raised a brow at me. “What? You a CIA plant now?”, he asked. “Nah, nothing like that”, I smiled. “It’s just, before I became a teacher… I used to dance”. Jax narrowed his eyes at me. “Dance?”. “Yeah”, I said. “I did burlesque”. Jax sat himself up a little; making me have to get off his chest. I sat up myself; pulling the covers over my chest.

“What, like stripping?”, Jax asked. He didn’t seem angry – more like amused. “No… it’s more a performance and an act, than just pulling off your clothes to get someone off”, I said. “So like that chick – what’s her name – Dita something?”. “Yeah”, I muttered. I bit my lip, not meeting his eyes.

Jax exhaled and took my hands. “Babe… I don’t know how to tell you this…”, he said. “But that’s probably the hottest thing I’ve heard you say. Ever”. I raised a brow at him. “What?”. “Please tell me you have pictures… Or video!”. I smiled crookedly. “I thought you’d be pissed when you found out”, I said. “Shit, no!”, he said. “Darlin’, the thought of you writhing around on a stage in nothing but a corset and panties, makes me hard as a rock! Seriously, feel it!”. He took my hand, and put it over his groin. He was right. I pulled back my hand, and laughed.

“I thought that would make you jealous; make you think I was a slut”, I said. “Oh, I would be jealous as hell”, he said. “But I would also know, that I’m the only one that has access to this gorgeous body”. He kissed my hand. “I’m the last person to slut-shame anyone. I’m lucky my dick hasn’t fallen off from the shit I’ve put it through”. I groaned. “Thanks, now I’m reconsidering our lack of condoms when we have sex”.

He pulled me to him again. I loved the feeling of his naked torso against mine. “Did you like it? Dancing?”, he asked. I narrowed my eyes at him. “Honestly?”. He nodded. “I loved it. Would have done it still, if it wasn’t for my teaching gig. Schoolboards tend to dislike it when you moonlight at a job that requires you to dance in your underwear”. He chuckled. “You can perform for me, any time”, he smiled. “Seriously… do you have video? And can I show the guys?”. I smirked. “Yes… and maybe”.

He smiled victoriously. “Show me!”. I did a naked run to the bathroom, and grabbed my phone from my pocket. I found a video from a few years back; where I was dancing with a folding chair as a prop. I pressed play, and handed Jax my phone.

Within seconds his jaw dropped. “How’s that… ok… now you’re upside down!…”. His eyes were ablaze with wonder. “So that’s where you got it from!”. Once the video was over; he put my phone on the nightstand.

“Ok”, he said. He grabbed my waist; and almost threw me down on the mattress; climbing on top of me. “Round three”.

My squeal of delight was stifled by his mouth on mine.

—