#good lord i need to cry myself to sleep now

[ohisms]

✱˚｡⋆ ↪ 𝐀 𝐓𝐀𝐒𝐓𝐄 𝐎𝐅 𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐕𝐄𝐍𝐋𝐘 𝐋𝐈𝐆𝐇𝐓 . ( a collection of lyric prompts based on various works by florence + the machine . adjust phrasing as necessary , will likely be updated in the future . )

it's always darkest before the dawn .

we will find new saints to be canonized .

holy water cannot help you now .

the horses are coming , so you'd better run .

i never felt so alive and so dead .

i'm damned if i do , i'm damned if i don't .

i've always been in love with you .

what has been done cannot be undone .

i don't care whether i live or die .

we will never be afraid again .

i feel nervous in a way that can't be named .

it was so far a fall , but it didn't hurt at all .

the saints can't help me now .

i want to find you and tear out all of your tenderness .

sooner or later , the things you love , you lose .

run fast for your mother , run fast for your father .

i like to think , at least , things can't get any worse .

i would give all this and heaven too .

i was in the darkness , so darkness i became .

all my stumbling phrases never amounted to anything worth this feeling .

in order to get to the heart of things , sometimes you have to cut through .

i'll be dead before the day is done .

time after time , i think "oh lord , what's the use ?"

the heart is hard to translate , it has a language of its own .

it was all so strange and so surreal .

i'm not here looking for absolution .

now and then , it seems that life is just too much .

be careful of the curse that falls on young lovers .

if you could only see the beast you've made of me .

pretty little face stopped me in my tracks .

i'm aching to attack .

you want a revelation , some kind of resolution .

it's so easy to say it to a crowd , but it's so hard to say it to you aloud .

i don't want your heart , it leaves me cold .

i am no mother , i am no bride , i am king .

she's a cruel mistress , and a bargain must be made .

well , me and my ghosts had a hell of a time .

with all my education i can't seem to command my heart .

it's a conversation i just can't have tonight .

you left me in the dark . no dawn , no day .

jesus christ , it hurts .

a woman is a changeling , always shifting shape .

the very thing you're best at is the thing that hurts the most .

i'll cut your little heart out 'cause you made me cry .

i knew that somehow , i could find my way back .

a thousand armies couldn't keep me out .

i'm ready to suffer and i'm ready to hope .

you've got the love i need to see me through .

is this how it is ? is this how it's always been ?

you keep me up at night .

oh , tell me it's not over yet .

no walls can keep me protected .

i'm going out , i'm gonna drink myself to death .

time goes quicker between the two of us .

would you leave me if i told you what i'd done ?

now , there's no holding back .

oh god , you're gonna get it .

you need your rotten heart and dazzling pain like diamond rings .

in the dark , i can hear your heartbeat .

i never knew my killer would be coming from within .

i was never as good as i always thought i was , but i knew how to dress it up .

don't forget me when i let the water take me .

this world is a beast of a burden .

you know i still like you the most .

what a thing to admit .

sometimes i think it's getting better , then it gets much worse .

i'm on fire , but i'm trying not to show it .

you are the space in my bed .

would you have it any other way ?

things go wrong , no matter what i do .

you make a fool of death with your beauty .

now she sleeps with one eye open , and that's the price she'll pay .

they were there when i woke up this morning .

heaven help me , i need to make it right .

until i wrap myself inside your arms , i cannot rest .

when someone looks at me with real love , i don't like it very much .

would you leave me if i told you what i've become ?

i'm always running from something .

it's good to be alive , crying into cereal at midnight .

okay , but let's discuss this at the hospital .

i know everybody lets you down , and i'll do the same .

your heart is the only place i can call home .

i wish to remain nameless , and live without shame .

sometimes i feel like saying "lord , i just don't care" .

i would put my words into poetry for you if i knew how .

if they ever let me out , i'm really gonna let it out .

but know , in some way , i'm there with you .

i've been wandering the streets for days .

don't let them get you down , you're the best thing i've ever seen .

how could anything bad ever happen to you ?

you couldn't have it any other way .

it's the only way i can escape .

what a place to come from .

little did you know your home's really only a town you're just a guest in .

run for your children , for your sisters and brothers .

you can't choose what stays and what fades away .

you'll be sorry that you messed with us .

call me when you need me .

although we stick together , it seems we're stranging each other .

this is as good a place to fall as any .

in your place there were a thousand other faces .

here's to drinks in the dark at the end of my rope .

lay me down , let the only sound be the overflow .

there's no salvation for me now .

i'd do anything to make you stay .

what's in a name ? i still remain the same .

i've been taking chances , i've been setting myself up for the fall .

tell me what you want me to say .

you are the silence in between what i thought and what i said .

i've been a fool , and i've been blind .

i never knew daylight could be so violent .

regrets collect like old friends , here to visit for your darkest moments .

so you packed your bags just to wait out the shitstorm ?

my doe , my dear , my darling ...

you're my head , you're my heart .

everyone lets you down in this brief hole of a town .

i'm not giving up , i'm just giving in .

i've been losing sleep , i've been keeping myself awake .

sometimes i feel like throwing my hands up in the air .

the only solution was to stand and fight .

i don't know how it started , don't know how to stop it .

i'm done with my graceless heart .

i can never leave the past behind .

do they speak to you ? 'cause they speak to me too .

i thought that love was a kind of emptiness .

it's hard to dance with a devil on your back .

sometimes i wonder if i should be medicated .

every demon wants his pound of flesh .

tell me what all the sighing's about .

could you tell from the moment we met ?

i heard your voice as clear as day ... you told me i should concentrate .

all my girls have their lace and their crimes .

i like to keep some things to myself .

no one asks any questions here .

the feeling comes so fast and i can't control it .

you came over me like some holy rite .

i was screaming out a language i had no idea existed before .

i thought that love was on stage , giving yourself away to strangers .

leave all your love and your longing behind , you can't carry it with you if you want to survive .

i thought that love was in the drugs , but the more i took the more it took away .

i never wanted anything from you , except everything you had and what's left after that too .

i don't want your future , i don't need your past . one grand moment is all i ask .

[starogeorgina]

𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐛𝐞𝐚𝐮𝐭𝐲 𝐨𝐟 𝐬𝐢𝐧

Warnings: Smut

Pairing: Cregan Stark × reader, Aemond Targaryen × reader

1.05

Cregan’s hand traces the curve of your spine while you listen to his heart beating, feeling the calming vibrations against your ear. The two of you lay rather content, catching your breath, sweat-coated bodies entwined. There was an unfamiliarity to his warmth, a gentleness you hadn’t experienced before, even when you were deeply in love with Aemond.

The man beside you had somehow managed to make you feel secure and safe.

Cregan squeezes your ass playfully, causing you to laugh, “You didn’t need long to recover.”

“Well, it’s not every day I have such a beauty as yourself sharing a bed with me.”

You gently press your lips against his, but when he goes to deepen the kiss, you pull back. Before Cregan can do anything else, you straddle his waist. “I need to ask you something of a serious matter, my Lord.”

He stares up at you, concerned.

“In the north, is it common for men to kiss the ladies... down there?”

His eyes crinkled at the corners, amused and relieved that it wasn’t actually anything serious you asked him. “Did it feel good?”

“Yes.”

Grinning, Cregan hooks his hands around your thighs and, in one swift move, yanks you up the bed till you’re straddling his face, then he begins to swipe his tongue over your clit. Your hands slam against the wall. Cregan was certainly skilled at what he was doing, and you intended to reap the benefits of it.

—

Rolling onto your side, you admire the man laying in the space next to you, thick fur covering the lower half of his naked body. Cregan had a rugged charm that you suspected was only seen in the north; his rough hands and wild hair were a far cry from the pampered princes and lords you were used to. Watching his chest move up and down with each breath he takes, you trace your fingers over a scar just beneath the left side of his collarbone.

“A wildling did it.”

“Oh,” you press a kiss to the raised area of skin. “How long ago?”

“A few years now. Most of the scars I’ve got have been from fighting off wildings.”

Aside from the marks left on your stomach from childbearing, you only had one other scar. “Scars add to a man’s attractiveness; they make them look like warriors.” You chuckle, “I cut my foot open on broken glass once; apart from that, I don’t recall ever injuring myself.”

“I would expect nothing else from a princess who was raised in the south,” he laughs.

“I do believe we have gone past all formalities; you can call me by my first name.”

Cregan kisses you gently on the lips, his fingers tangling into your hair. “I know, but here and now you are my princess.”

His words left a bittersweet taste in your mouth. Whatever moments were being shared between the two of you would only last until the morrow then the fantasy would be over. You wished to learn more about Cregan and his way of living in the north; it fascinated you. The thought of your boy getting to play in the snow brings a brief smile to your face.

“During times of war, it’s not uncommon for women and children to be sent to other houses so they are safe.” Gently, he tilts your chin up with his finger so you’re looking at him. “Even when my men march south for Rhaenyra, I swear to you, princess, you and your son will always be safe in Winterfell.”

You caress his cheek; there was no darkness with Cregan.

—

Dragons screeching alongside the thunderous clasp of wings nearby pulls the Lord from his peaceful slumber. Groggily he groans and outstretches his arm to pull you into his embrace, but the space beside him is bare, the warmth of your body still lingering on the spot you had been sleeping in.

As Cregan’s eyes flutter open, he comes to the dimly lit chamber, filled with an unfamiliar muttering. A frown creases on his brow when he notices you frantically redressing. The hour was late; not many would be awake at this time, and he stills on the spot, silently trying to piece together the events that had led to you trying to sneak away without waking him. It’s not until he hears her sob that Cregan goes to move from the bed.

“Y/n,” his voice sounds pained. “What are you doing?”

You almost stumble backwards trying to tug your tights back up in an unladylike manner, causing them to rip. Tears flow down your cheek, and while trying to gather yourself to form actual words, you nod your head in the direction of the open scroll sitting on top of the table. You take a few deep breaths. “Word arrived from kings landing. The war has escalated; an innocent has been killed.”

Cregan holds the furs of the bed around his waist, keeping the cold from his skin. “What’s happened?”

“The darkness...” you take a sharp intake of breath. “I thought the darkness was pouring from Prince Daemon, that he would be the first to spill blood, but I was wrong. My husband, Aemond,... he killed Rhaenyra’s second son.” Your hands press against your trembling lips as you try to stifle the hysterical sobs that racked your body. “I need to go before they do the same to my son.”

“Y/n.”

“You should go to Jacaerys; he will need your comfort more than I.”

Spotting your footwear that has been discarded when you undressed in a frenzy on opposite sides of the room, you go to retrieve them, but Cregan is suddenly in front of you; he lightly squeezes your shoulders. “You cannot ride such a distance so worked up.”

You lean into him, your cheek resting against his bare chest. “My grandsire says it was an accident, but he is wrong. Lucerys was just a boy, thirteen years of age, and in comparison to our dragons, Arrax was only a babe and Aemond chased them down on his... beast.”

Cregan kisses the crown of your hair; he knew how this would play out, as did you. A son for a son. If Rickon was ever taken from him, Cregan would not stop seeking revenge. “I meant what I said before: the north will be a safe place for you and Prince Maitland.”

You shake your head. “Aemond would search every house in all the kingdoms for his son on Vhagar and show no mercy. Nowhere is safe.”

[liminal-space-lesbian]

Bg3 Ladies needing comfort after a bad day

Request: So for the BG3 headcanon or blurb requests what about a little thingy where the Lady’s of the game have a bad day and need lots of comfort from their Tav. 🥺

A/n

Honestly idgaf if Lae’zel is ooc, my baby is secretly going soft. Sorry guys!! I believe she actually has feelings deep down <3 Also mild spoilers if you haven’t finished the Crèche questline

Also Karlach is so babygirl omg if someone doesn’t give her a hug rn I SWEARRRR

Karlach:

Karlach had spent the entire day fighting off various enemies, who were unfortunately harder to defeat than expected. And right as she’s settling down for the night, finally getting a reprieve from the day, Raphael shows up.

He’s yammering on about how he wants to strike up a deal with you, but you cannot send him away fast enough. Seeing a devil only dredges up bad memories for your lover, and you do not want her to have to relieve the memories of her torture in Avernus.

“Come here baby, it’s alright just try to relax.” You coax, seeing the tension in her body once Raphael leaves. You coo, gently taking her into your arms. Her head buried in your chest, strong arms wrapping around you tightly as you rub her shoulders and the back of her neck. You ease the tension out of her muscles, kissing the crown of her head.

She finally lets the tension leave her body as she breaks down into tears, quietly crying into the fabric of your shirt. Small sobs wrack her shoulders, sending an aching pain lancing through your heart. You can’t stand seeing her so upset.

“I fuckin’ hate demons. No good ever comes of ‘em. Promise me you’ll never even consider Raphael’s deal.” She pleads, and you’re quick to reassure her. “I promise, I’ll never make a deal with a devil. I love you too much to risk it.” You whisper into her hair as you place a gentle kiss on her temple.

You cuddle her to sleep, allowing her to wrap herself around you entirely. Lord knows a decade of not being able to touch anyone without scorching their skin off leaves a girl touch starved. You tuck her in as cozy as she can get, and pepper her face with gentle kisses as she drifts off. Your heart aches for the suffering your lover has endured, but all you can do is be here now to support her.

Shadowheart:

Shadowhearts wound on her hand had been flaring rather badly all day, and unfortunately you had to travel past an abandoned temple of Shar. All the memories- or lack thereof- cause Shadowheart’s mood to sour. She seems snappy and short tempered, but when you visit her tent later you see her curled into a ball and cradling her hand.

“Oh sweetheart.” You murmur, getting on your knees beside her, resting a hand on her shoulder. She sniffles, obviously trying to hide her tears. You shush her, gently lying behind her and wrapping your arms around her. She rolls over and cuddles into your chest, crying more freely now.

“Why did they have to take my memories? Sometimes I don’t even feel like I know myself.” She whimpers, and your heart shatters. “Oh baby, I’m so sorry.” You whisper, kissing her forehead and wiping away her tears. “I know you, and I love you.” You murmur, rubbing your hand soothingly up and down her back as she tucks her head into your neck. You spend the evening wiping away her tears and soothing her as best as you can.

Lae’zel:

Lae’zel doesn’t get upset, she gets angry. It’s how she was raised, channel every feeling into anger. Anger fuels strength, and only created a stronger more tenacious fighter. So when Lae’zel finds out the truth about Vlaakith, she’s angry. Enraged. Furious. Not hurt.

Lae’zel definitely doesn’t cry when she’s alone in her tent that night. She also definitely doesn’t crawl into your arms and bury her face in your shoulder. Your touch is the only balm to the aching in her chest.

“Tsk’va, look at me. So weakened by the betrayal of a false god.” Lae’zel grits out between tears, fists clenched firmly in your shirt. Her anger is directed at herself, as if it’s her fault she was fooled along with every other Gith.

“Darling, it’s not your fault. Vlaakith tricked everyone. I know her betrayal hurts, and you have a right to be upset. Im so sorry you have to deal with something like this.” You coo, kissing her forehead and wiping her tears. She scowls and pulls away from your touch, but only to roll over so she can be little spoon.

She doesn’t speak for the rest of the night, but you feel a bit of tension melt away from her muscles. The next morning she’ll wake as if nothing happened, but for now she burrows farther into your warmth, seeking your comfort.

Dame Aylin:

Aylin’s mood took a turn for the worse when she heard Raphael had proposed a deal to you at Sharess Caress. She had already spent the day overstimulated from the noise of Baldurs Gate, a stark contrast to a century in shadowfell, where the only sound was the wind and rumbling in the distance. Now that you told her this? She was pissed.

She stomped off to be alone, saying she just needed time to think. You could tell by the stiffness of her posture she was upset, more than just angry. You gave her some space, but when she finally returned to your tent to go to sleep, you confronted her.

“What’s wrong darling?” You coax, your expression soft as you open your arms for her. She hesitates, her pride and stoicism holding her back for a moment. Her hesitation is short lived however, as she heaves a sigh and flops into your arms.

“I’m just thinking of my time spent in shadowfell. Raphael is a devil, simply a reminder of the evils in this world.” She pauses, heaving an irritated sigh. “After being trapped in that soul cage for so long… sometimes it feels as though I’m still there. Not physically but… in my mind that place haunts me.” She admits quietly, and you think you hear her voice quiver.

“I’m sorry Aylin. You didn’t deserve that. If I could take away all your pain I would.” You murmur, hugging her a bit tighter as you look in her eyes. You see tears clinging to her lashes as she swallows thickly.

“I know you would. And I love you for it.” She whispers brokenly, nuzzling her head into your shoulder as she clings to you. She pulls away to place a deep kiss on your lips, reveling in the comfort of you.

“Try and rest Aylin, you need sleep.” You coax, easing her to lie back. She complies, allowing herself to get comfortable as she slips off to sleep. For the first time in weeks she doesn’t have a single nightmare.

Isobel Thorm:

Isobel was drained after narrowly escaping being kidnapped by Marcus. She pumped all of her magical abilities into the shield around the Last Light Inn, as well as blessing you and your companions to ward off the shadow curse.

You could see her bottom lip quiver as she climbed into bed, and she instantly cuddled into your side. You turned towards her, gently cupping her face in your hands.

“Do you want to talk about it?” You ask gently, and she simply shakes her head, blinking heavily as tears flow freely down her face. You brush the tears away with your thumbs, nodding as you kiss her forehead. You take her into your arms and let her cry it out.

You rub up and down her arms soothingly, allowing her the space to let out her feelings. Eventually her cries taper out, and soon enough she’s drifting off to sleep. You carefully make sure she’s tucked in perfectly before resuming your spot, cuddled up to her for the night.

A/n

If this is bad it’s bc I’ve been awake for 17 hours, sorry peeps 😔

[obeyme-lost-thought]

Angst: MC come back

Most of people show an aspect of MC that is different towards the brothers after coming back.... I show an MC that is broken and ask Lucifer for help. Sort of a general spoiler of Nightbringer

A little of Mc×Lucifer

________________________________

It passed some days form when MC returned to the present. All the while they never managed to utter a word. That's why Lucifer decided to get to the bottom of MC's feelings.

As he slowly enters the room, he finds the little human looking up at the tree that stands in the center of the room. They have a lost gaze, accentuated by dark circles under their eyes.

Lucifer: "MC, how are you? It's been more than 3 days since you locked yourself in this room. You need to have a full meal."

...

No respons

Lucifer: "Please talk to me. Tell me what's on your mind."

...

Mc: "I... am tired. When will all this end? When will I be able to stop worrying if this is really my room? What will I find if I go out?"

"I fought so hard to help you sort out your family dynamics. Now that I had done it, I thought we could enjoy this peace. Yet I found myself in the past."

"You were cold again towards me; Mammon didn't involve me in his plans; Levi was shy and avoided me; Satan... how could I deal with him?; Asmo could not look at himself in the mirror; Beel didn't know how to deal with this constant feeling of hunger, and Belphie still hated humans"

"It was you, but you weren't my family! Maybe it's just me, but I can't help but consider you my family. I just want to be with you, no worries or problems."

"You know how hard it was to wake up every day and keep from hugging you? I missed the good mornings and goodnights given on our chat. In the afternoon I didn't know what to do, having no homework to do. I'm serious Lucifer, I missed homework!. I also missed gaming nights with Levi or piano sessions with you. I missed the loud silence of the livingroom while watching DDD by the fireplace. I missed the impromptu dinners because others always showed up and we never had enough to eat"

"The others… You know how hard it was having to remember to be more formal with Diavolo? He also said for a long time that he had to send me back to the human realm. What was I supposed to do centuries or millennia in the past ?! Luckily Barbatos was inclined to let me stay. Besides, he couldn't stand Solomon. What the heck had he been up to at the time. But in the end I missed the afternoons spent at the castle talking of this and that over a cup of tea"

"Not even with Simeon and Luke was the same. I didn't help Luke in the kitchen and Simeno didn't ask me for advice on how to use the DDD. Only Salomon was a fixed point in all that chaos, but it wasn't like here in the present."

"I'm tired Lucifer. I was tired of fighting, I just wanted to come home here with you. And I'm worn out even now by this perpetual fear that it's not finished. That if I leave here I will be your "DevilSitter" and not just MC"

"Please.. Tell me it's all over. Tell me I can rest. Tell me that you are my family and that you love me"

As the human began to cry aloud, the Avatar of Pride could do nothing but embrace them. His mighty wings came out to wrap around their fragile bodies as much as possible.

Lucifer: "It is all right. You're at home Mc."

"If you go out you will find Mammon who is looking at the DDD sitting on the floor in front of your door; Leviathan in his room refusing to leave until you do too and checking your team games online to see if you are logged in; Satan is sitting on the couch in the living room near your favorite seat; Asmo is preparing a skin treatment for when you get out of here; Beel tries not to eat all the meals he has made for you these days; Belphie is sleeping next to Mammon on the floor, waiting for you. "

"Even Lord Diavolk comes constantly to find out how you are. If he can't come, call and send Barbatos. Then this one is working day and night to find out who did this to you. Luke cries every day in front of your door begging you to come out. Have you ever heard him? Simeon should console him, except that he stands at the door of the corridor praying that Luke's requests are heard. Solomon he said at the beginning that we had to give you time to get used to it, but now he too is starting to worry.

"And I'm here for you MC. I'm here for whatever you need. You're done dealing with us, now it's our turn. You just have to go out and get pampered."

"You are home MC, with your family"

________________________________

Little but sad. Lucifer big brother/mom

[livingincolorsagain]

Hey a! For the SamBucky ask - either 🛥️ Meanwhile, on the Boat... or 💕 Who Fell First please

hey mexi! thanks for the ask and for this very fun ask game! <33

(i know you said or but why choose when i can do both?)

from this list: SamBucky Romance Asks

Sam isn’t sure how they got here.

The day started normal enough. No urgent calls in the middle of the night, no world-ending catastrophes, not even the odd nightmare they both still get sometimes.

Scratch that, the day started incredibly well, actually. Sam let himself sleep in, and was awakened near noon with soft brushes of lips and the rasp of a beard against his neck, Bucky’s deep voice in his ear, his hand slipping under Sam’s loose t-shirt, then lower and lower.

They didn’t leave the bed for another hour.

Now, with the sun in the middle of the sky and burning bright, Sam is standing on the boat, hand on his hips, staring incredulously at Bucky, who has his arms crossed across his chest and a stubborn expression on his face.

“What,” Sam asks again, “are you talking about?”

“I fell first.”

Sam takes in a deep breath. “No.”

Bucky’s face gets a little redder, and Sam doesn’t know if it’s the sun or his indignation.

“What do you mean, no? I’m telling you!”

“It doesn’t make sense. You didn’t even want to talk to me for six months!”

Bucky’s face does a complicated thing, and something twists painfully in Sam’s stomach.

“I did,” Bucky says softly, a little brokenly. “Want to talk to you. I wanted to see you. I just… didn’t think it was good for you. Thought you were checking on me outta pity.”

“Pity for myself, maybe,” Sam says, looking away at the open ocean, something bitter burning its way through him.

The day is beautiful, endless blue skies, gentle waves rocking the boat and a light breeze, the world quiet and safe for a change, and here they are, arguing about something that doesn’t even matter, opening up old wounds like they don’t know how to let go of the hurt.

“It doesn’t matter,” he says, because it doesn’t; it shouldn’t.

Bucky makes a frustrated noise and steps closer to Sam. And when Sam doesn’t turn to him, he says, “Hey, look at me.”

With a sigh, Sam does. Bucky’s face keeps doing these fleeting complicated things, so many emotions trying to make it to the surface.

“I’m sorry,” he says, “for every second I wasn’t there for you when you needed me. I can’t take it back, no matter how much I wish I could, but I can promise that it won’t ever happen again, that I’ll always be there for you from now on. Long as you want me, sweetheart, because I’ve loved you long before I knew what it was, long before I knew I ever could.”

Sam’s vision gets a little blurry, his breath catching in his chest as he bites his lip to hold back the pitiful sound trying to escape.

Bucky’s hands come up to cup his face, his touch so tender it hurts. “Hey, no, don’t cry. Lord, this is not at all going how I wanted.”

And that makes Sam laughs. “And what were you trying to do?”

Bucky sighs, letting his hands drop to Sam’s waist and pulling him closer. “Was trying to be romantic, had this big romantic speech ready, then ya started arguing with me. Should’ve known better, really.”

Sam snorts, head resting on Bucky’s chest and arms around his waist.

It’s a little too hot for them to be standing this close, with the sun beating down on them, but this closeness was a reassurance Sam cannot step away from. Something he’s been craving long before he realized it, or wanted to admit it.

And now, it doesn’t matter who wanted it first, because they both have it, and that’s all that matters.

Still, though—

“I fell first,” Sam says.

“You’re wrong,” Bucky says, voice cracking with humor, “but that’s okay. At least you’re pretty.”

Sam gives his side a pinch for that.

[tieronecrush]

hot & heavy

chapter seven: a conversation stuck in your throat

neighbor!joel x f!reader

series masterlist

series rating: E (18+ MDNI)

series summary:

over the course of three summers, joel miller becomes woven into your life. the first summer is spent falling for him; nannying his daughter and sneaking around with him in a burning love affair. you know how you feel about joel, he isn’t so sure about how it all is gonna work. the second summer is brief. a month spent at home after graduation and before you move to boston for your dream job. one look at you, one time hearing your voice, and joel is hooked again. he pines over you for that month, but you think — how is long distance of over a thousand miles going to work for a single dad? the third summer, you return home burnt out and pride bruised from your post-grad life. you need time to feel at home again, like your complete self, so you’ve come back home with no return ticket booked. it’s only a matter of time before joel seeks you out, slowly spending more time with you. without an inevitable end to the summer looming over you both, what chances are you willing to take?

word count: 8k

warnings: NO OUTBREAK (don’t need to worry about the mushies), no use of y/n, inexperienced/virgin reader, age gap (joel is 30/31, reader is 22), canon-divergent (sarah is 7 y/o), nanny au, pet names (sweetheart, darling, sweet girl, mariposa, etc.), polite southern manners (use of sir & ma’am), feeling familial and self-pressure, undefined relationship, likely poor spanish grammar, pining joel, DIRTY. TALK., sexting, fingering, oral (f receiving), unprotected p in v, POSSESSIVE!JOEL, lil splash of size kink, overstimulation (crying), consensual somno, praise kink up the wazoo, this chapter really speaks to the duality of man

6:00 AM

FROM: Joel 

Morning, mi Mariposa

I thought about you last night.

6:20 AM

Any chance you would come over early for me, sweetheart?

I really missed you when you were away.

Promise you can nap later.

In my bed.

6:23 AM

You could even sleep right away if you wanted.

Would you let me touch you while you were sleeping, darling?

Make you dream about me, and then when you wake up I’d be right there making you come.

Sounds nice, yeah?

6:45 AM

Mariposa

Sweet girl

Please wake up beautiful, I miss you.

I want you.

7:02 AM

Darling, I’m about this close to somehow climbing in your window and waking you up myself.

I’m aching for you, pretty girl. I keep hearing those sweet little sounds you make. You moaning my name or calling me sir.

I’m fucking leaking through my boxers at the thought of you.

7:20 AM

Mariposa, are you awake yet?

I don’t think I can wait any longer, sweetheart.

I need you so bad, mi diablita. I want to fuck you hard into my mattress. I want to fill you up, and then you can come on my cock after you ask me like the good girl I know you are.

You woke up a few minutes ago, your alarm blaring at 7:30 AM. Way earlier than you normally set it for, if you even set it during the summer, but you knew that Joel would be upset if you wasted a rare morning that he has alone.

When you picked up your phone and saw all the unread messages from him, the notifications made you smile. Scrolling through his messages, your smile turned into a smirk, satisfied with the way this man was on the verge of begging for you. It was a moment to savor — you knew as soon as you walked in his door that he would be making you plead for it. For his fingers, for his mouth, for his cock. Joel Miller loved to tease you, get you all worked up before he finally gave you what you wanted.

He always gave in, in the end.

7:34 AM

Joel, it’s Sunday morning.

The Lord’s Day.

And you’re sending me a bunch of dirty messages?

Scandalous!

7:34 AM

It’s my day to have you.

That proceeds any fucking guy in the sky.

7:35 AM

Soooo you’re gonna be mad if I tell you I’m getting ready for church?

7:35 AM

Mariposa, if you get over here right now I’ll make you see God.

No need for church.

Let me worship you, cielito.

Ten minutes later, you’re walking up to Joel’s door.

Your parents left for church early this morning, getting the first mass in so they could make it to the airport to pick up your brother. You sent your mom some excuse about hanging out with friends — something vague enough to not endure questioning but reason enough for your car to be home without you there.

Before your lifted hand can knock against the wooden door, it swings open to reveal Joel waiting with bated breath on the other side. It pulls a quiet giggle from your lips, the frantic look in his eyes, and the impatient tap of his foot.

“Were you waiting at the door this whole time, Joel?” you ask with a raise of your eyebrows, a grin pulling at your lips.

“No, ‘course not. I was keeping an eye on your front door from the couch. Just ran over when you were crossing the lawns,” Joel shrugs and brushes off the next look you give him, one that crinkles your eyes and spills a laugh from you.

“Adorable.”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah. Alright, enough laughin’ at me. Pretty sure that smug look is gonna be wiped off your face soon.” He smirks this time, taking one step to wrap an arm around your waist and pull you inside, closing and locking the door as he presses you up against it.

One hand holds you there at your hip, digging his thumb into the bone while the rest of his fingers bruise your skin from their tight grip. The other hand comes to rest against the wood next to your head, boxing you in. Looking down at you, he bends his head to trace his nose against yours, matching up your lips and hovering over the spot. Both of your mouths are slightly open, breathing slow exhales of warm air to each other.

It isn’t the first time he’s going to kiss you since you’ve seen him again. That was yesterday. But this moment feels different. Something stirs in your gut, as if it’s awakening from laying dormant while you were away from him.

“Been thinking of you all morning, darlin’,” his lips trail his humid breath across your cheek, his plush bottom lip grazing the skin at certain points. He settles next to your ear, speaking again with his voice with a low, syrupy, caramelly inflection, “Y’know, had a dream about you last night. Woke up so fucking hard. But I didn’t touch myself. Was waiting for the real thing.”

Teeth against the pulse point under your ear make you whimper, your legs buckling slightly from keeping them locked. Joel’s hand on your hip steadies you, his full body pressing against you and weighing you against the door.

“You gonna let me have it, sweetheart? Gonna be my good girl and let me take you over and over and over again until I’ve fucking spent everything I’ve been saving for you? Hm?”

 All you manage in response is a quiet moan, feeling his hard cock pressing into your stomach. You wiggle in his hold, another whimper that sounds more like a frustrated whine tumbling from your lips as you attempt to feel more of him.

“Nuh-uh. Gotta answer me, sweet girl. Are you gonna let me do that to you? Fuck you hard and rough and fill you up with me until it’s spilling out of you? You want that, mi diablita?”

“Yes yes yes, Joel. I want that. I want you, want your fingers, and-and your mouth. Fuck, I want your cock,” your head falls back with a thud on the surface behind you, eyes screwing shut as you try to calm yourself down from Joel’s thwarting.

“Oh, c’mon, sweetheart. What did I teach about manners last year? Gotta be polite if you want something.”

Your eyes snap open to be faced with Joel’s, darkened to a sable black. One corner of his mouth is lifted, the hand that was once resting on the wood moves to wrap around the front of your neck, using his thumb to tilt your chin up.

“Yes, sir. I want that, a lot. Please and thank you.” The last word comes out as a gasp muffled into Joel’s mouth as he kisses you deeply, immediately coaxing your mouth open and melting his tongue against yours. A moan strains from your throat as Joel grinds his bulge into you, boxers that he slept in tenting with a wet spot around his tip.

His hand at your hip shifts position, dragging up the curve of your side and taking the fabric of your shirt up with it. Under the wrinkles of material, his palm covers your breast, kiss paused for him to question you.

“Did ya wear somethin’ special for me, sweetheart? Feels like something real fancy here,” he punctuates with a squeeze of your breast, rough-working skin perking your nipple and causing you to keen with your head falling forward into the loose grip he has around your neck. He works to move your head up, meeting your eyes as he holds your chin up with an expectant look.

“Yes, sir. Wanted—” You are cut off with another squeeze to your breast, a leg of his pushing between your thighs and up against your center, “Wanted to look pretty for you. Since I haven’t seen you in a while.”

Joel’s grinning like a madman, pressing a gentle kiss to your lips that contrasts the dominating stance.

“Too good to me, Mariposa,” another kiss, “And you know you’re beautiful to me in anything you wear.” His tone is sincere — thoughtful and all heart. It sends a rush to that constant swirling in your stomach, raising that feeling to sit in the middle of your throat. He leaves you no space to respond, capturing your mouth in another heady kiss, pulling you away from the door with his arms circling around to rest one at your back on the band of your bra and the other at the nape of your neck.

“Upstairs,” he manages to get out once the two of you separate for a breath, guiding you back to the stairs. He unravels from you after a quiet huff of protest, encouraging push to your waist to turn around and climb the stairs. You move ahead of him, stumbling when he reaches out halfway up the staircase to grab at your thighs and stall you long enough to sink his teeth into the swell of your ass through the linen skirt you slipped on minutes ago in your bedroom.

“Joel! Christ, gonna make us fall down the stairs and get concussed,” you reach a hand back to swat him away, a whimper crawling out of your chest when he bites you again.

“Sorry, sweetheart. Couldn’t resist,” he chuckles as he finally lets you go completely, following you into his bedroom.

It’s a scramble of hands and limbs lifting and tugging to strip both of you down, Joel still in his boxers and you standing in the mesh cupped bra dotted with floral appliques and matching panties — both in a soft shade of Joel’s favorite color, purple. He steps back from you, hungry eyes canvassing your body in the lingerie before they flick up to your face and his tongue darts out to wet his lips.

“Really was for me, huh? Got something in my favorite color?” He walks you back to the edge of his bed, your knees bending to sit when the creases of them hit the mattress,  a wide smile on his face with no hint of teasing, “You are my sweet girl. Always thinkin’ of others. Can I show you how much I appreciate you, Mariposa? How much I missed you when you were away?”

“Yes please,” you gasp when his hand reaches between your legs, pressing slow-moving circles into your clit through the wet fabric sticking to your cunt. He bends forward to kiss you as his fingers slip under the mesh material, coating themselves with your arousal and pressing them into your entrance one knuckle deep before pulling out.

“Joel—”

“Patience, darlin’. Just need to get you onto the bed more,” he chuckles against your lips before he pushes on the backs of your thighs to coax you further toward the center of his mattress. He climbs onto it over you, spreading your legs and peeling your panties from your legs. He discards them at the end of the bed, the careless toss landing them on the corner of the frame.

“Did you like my messages, sweetheart?”

“Yes—yes, I did.”

He hums as he takes you in, strong eye contact as he asks you, “Did you like the idea of me waking you up by making you come?”

You nod quickly, gasping when his thumbs brush your nipples through your bra.

“I did, I really liked it. You could do it — I want you to do it. I trust you.”

His hand finds itself back at your center, the same two fingers running through your folds and pushing slowly into you to fill you up. Your eyes shut in response, breath hitching when he curls them up to press into your walls.

“Fuck, Joel…Missed this so much—missed you so much.”

“Mm, I know what you mean, sweetheart. Couldn’t ever get you out of my head. No one else has been in this bed since you, mi cielito. No quería a nadie más cuando todo lo que necesitaba eras a ti (I didn't want anyone else when all I needed was you).”

You think back to that handful of hookups you had, immediately feeling guilty that Joel had waited and you, well, you hadn’t. Granted, every time you ended up imagining it was Joel, closing your eyes and seeing him above you or below you. Imagining it was his hands on you.

But that does nothing to lessen the way you get choked up, unable to say anything both from the physical response of your body to Joel’s touch again, his fingers moving in and out of you at a perfect pace, and the emotional spiral you’re going through in your head.

If he expected a response, he says nothing, shifting to lie down on the bed between your legs and giving your inner thighs nips before he kisses your clit, flicking his tongue against the sensitive nub and drawing louder moans from you.

“Mm, fucking Christ, taste even sweeter than I remember, darlin’.”

His lips attach to your clit, sucking and flattening his tongue against you while his fingers thrust in and out of you, curling up to find that spot he knew well. It all comes barreling over you at once, pleasure erupting over your body suddenly. You clench around Joel’s fingers, flooding between your thighs and around his mouth. Your brain short circuits in one second, spilling your thoughts that were fighting to keep inside.

“I didn’t wait — I’m sorry, Joel. I didn’t—” Your hands grip the sheets, quick breaths in and out as you catch up to your quickened heart rate.

“Hey, sweet girl, it’s okay. Don’t need to wait for me to tell you every time you come,” he supports himself on an elbow and you can feel him looking at you as your eyes turn away, unable to face him as you make your confession clear.

“No, no — I mean, I didn’t…I slept with other people.”

Silence falls between the two of you, your eyes fixed on the nail of your left index finger scratching against the material of his bedsheets.

Joel’s hand gingerly grabs your chin, turning your head to face him and forcing your eyes to follow.

“Who?” His voice is low, vibrating in your ears.

“W-What?”

“Who was it?” Unwavering timbre.

“Um, just like a kid from one of my classes. A couple of guys I met at some parties throughout the year. Random. They were just random hookups.”

Joel hums as he stays between your legs, one finger pushing inside you as he speaks again.

“Ever hooked up with any of them more than once?”

His finger moves slowly, another added to stretch you more when you’re quiet. A moan falls from your lips, his other hand still holding your chin to look at him.

“I asked you a question, sweetheart…Did you see any of them more than once?”

His fingers curl into that one spot that makes your head dig back into the mattress, shaking your head wildly back and forth.

“No, no never. One time with each of them.”

You whimper when his hand moves faster, biting your bottom lip between your teeth and attempting to focus on him when he speaks.

“What were they like?”

His thumb on your face coaxes your lip from your teeth, eyes burning into yours as he awaits you answer. Thick fingers fill you up, his thumb of the same hand finding your clit and circling it in pace.

“T-They were just guys, I dunno. Didn’t really know them that well…” you interrupt yourself with a whine, feeling the rope in your stomach pulling taut as Joel fucks you with his hand.

“Had to have known a little bit about them to fuck ‘em, darlin’. Were they nice to you?”

“I-I guess so, yeah.”

Joel hums and curls his fingers with the next uptick, pressing against that spot inside a few times before resuming his movements.

“Were they nice to you in bed? Made you come?”

“They were nice. Some of them made—made me come. A couple didn’t.”

You gasp out another moan when he starts to fuck his fingers into you even faster.

“Yeah? Those guys that made you come, did they fuck you like me?”

“N-No, no they never did. I thought about you. Every time it was somebody else, even my hand.”

“That so, sweet girl? Missed me so much you imagined all those other guys’ cocks were mine?”

“Yes! Fuck — yes, Joel!”

“Any of ‘em as big as me? Fill you up like I do?”

“No, not even fucking close.”

“Any of them come inside you?”

“No. Only you.”

“Mm, that’s right. This pussy’s mine, isn’t it, Mariposa?”

All you can do is nod, choked up by the pleasure building inside you.

“Dime, mi chica dulce. Dime. (Tell me, my sweet girl. Tell me.)”

“It’s yours, Joel. My pussy’s only yours. Only ever yours.”

The rope is fraying inside of you, on the verge of snapping as the squelching sound of your arousal around his fingers fills the room, whimpers of his name the only words spoken.

“Then fucking come for me. I wanna feel my pussy come on my hand.”

The words break the final threads, pleasure flooding across your body and stilling you body under him as you grab at his shoulders to anchor yourself. Your loud, wanton moans fill the space, egged on by Joel’s soft encouragements.

Once you’ve come down, you realize he’s laying between your legs again. Before you can get a word out, his mouth is on you, sucking your clit harshly. Your whine raises in pitch, hands tangling in his hair to push him away.

When he lifts his head, his dark eyes find yours as he licks his lips.

“Gonna let me taste this sweet little cunt, darlin’? You said it was mine, didn’t you?” He challenges and you breathe out a ‘yes’, all the permission he needs to put his head back between your thighs.

He pulls two consecutive orgasms from you with his mouth, sucking your clit and licking into your walls with his tongue. Your brain feels like mush, limbs light as air as you lay back on the bed. Your eyes are closed as you feel Joel get onto his knees after stripping his boxers, one hand tapping the outside of your thigh.

“Flip over onto your stomach, baby. Not finished with you yet.”

“J-Joel, I don’t think I can move.” You huff out a breath, opening your eyes to see him staring down at you with insatiable eyes.

“You can. Now do it, sweetheart.”

You take a few more slow breaths before flipping yourself over, shaky arms giving out when you attempt to hold yourself up. Joel’s hands find your hips pulling up so you rest your weight on your knees and your torso angles down to where your head and arms rest on one of his pillows.

“Bet none of those guys treated you right, mi cielito. No one knows how to really take care of you, huh? ‘Sides me. I know just how you like, baby, and that’s how ‘m gonna give it to you, yeah?”

“Please, Joel. Need your cock. Thought about it all the time, missed it so much. Missed you.”

You whine when he grabs at one of your asscheeks, squeezing harshly as he moves his knees to the outside of yours, hooking his ankles over yours to lock you in the position. Without warning, he lines himself up and presses the thick head of his cock inside you. A loud moan sounds from your mouth, unable to hold back anything with the way your mind is lagging. Fingers tangle into the sheets, mouth staying open as you choke out sounds while his cock slowly fills you with an agonizing movement of his hips.

“Mm, such a good girl for me. Perfect fucking cunt, so tight, fits me just right, don’t you?”

All you manage is a nod when he’s balls deep, grinding your hips back onto him in small circles. He quickly pulls out nearly all the way before beginning a punishing pace.

The sounds of skin against skin cut through your wild, borderline pornographic moans, Joel’s name slipping from your tongue over and over with each pounding of his hips into you.

“Aguantarla, mi chica malo. Take it, baby, fucking take it.”

If it weren’t for Joel’s vice grip on your body, he would surely have fucked you off of the mattress at this point, the power behind his hips nudging the tip of him into your cervix at this angle.

“Who does your little pussy belong to, mi cielito? Dime.”

“You-you, Joel. Fuck, it’s yours!” Your voice pitches up with a particularly hard thrust, choking out his name as he keeps up the speed and force of his hips.

His grunt melts into the sounds of your wetness around his cock, skin on skin of your thighs. Fingertips bruise into your sides, knuckles turning white as you grip the sheets tighter.

Tears form in your eyes, slowly falling as you hear Joel’s voice but can’t quite make out the words. When you don’t respond to him, one arm wraps around your waist, the other holding your chin to support your head as he handles you like a rag doll, pulling you up to sit back flush to his chest, hips unrelenting.

The drops from your eyes fall quicker now, pleasure filling every crevice of your insides that it makes you feel as if you’re going to implode. It’s never gotten to this point with Joel or anyone else, and your brain can’t think of anything besides chasing that inevitable high.

The hand from your chin moves slightly, wiping the tears cascading down your cheeks and Joel’s voice filling your ear at the side of your head.

“Yeah, feels good, don’t it?”

You try to agree, but all that comes out is a pathetic whimper, more droplets spilling from your eyes the longer you sit at the edge. His hand finds your chin again, turning your head to face his at your side, a smirk happily on his lips as he chuckles low and satisfied.

“Guess I fucked all the words out of your head. It’s okay, pretty girl, you just talk to me with those little sounds I love.”

At that point, you whine with every thrust, his cock drilling the sounds out of you. With one, two, three more hits of his head at your cervix, you tense up in his arms, head falling back on his shoulder with your loudest moan of the morning. Your mind is completely wiped, only sensation being the jittery tingle that rushes over your body and turns your limbs to jelly. Joel holds your weight as he fucks you through it, grunting in your ear as he finishes inside of you, spilling his come for what feels like minutes. His warm spend fills you to the brim, squeezing and dripping out around his cock buried inside of you.

His sheets will need to be changed, but there is no part of you that feels like it could move your body from this bed.

Joel carefully pulls out of you, a sharp hiss involuntary from your lips as he presses a gentle kiss to your temple. He guides you to lie down, slipping a second pillow under your head like he knows you like.

After cleaning you with a warm washcloth he retrieved from the bathroom, he climbs into bed behind you, wrapping you up in his arms as the little spoon. One hand strokes your hair, pulling it out of your face and behind your ear while he presses soft kisses to your head and shoulder.

“Did so good for me, Mariposa. My sweet girl.”

Your eyes flutter close, body melting into the mattress and into his chest. His gentle voice vibrates in your ear as you drift off completely.

“You know I don’t care who you’ve slept with or how many times or anything like that, right baby? I want you ‘cause you’re you. Mi diablita. My sweetheart. Mi Mariposa. Don’t wanna let you go again.”

His heart hasn’t slowed down.

He tried to sleep next to you, but he couldn’t calm down enough to actually turn off his brain. Instead, he watched the rise and fall of your chest, his lips pressed into your hair as he kept breathing in the scent of your shampoo.

A fucking angel. That’s what you have to be.

Your soft features, slightly parted lips. He wants to press a kiss to your Cupid’s bow, the tip of your nose.

You must be an angel or some sort of entity to be this perfect. To be that genuinely kind-hearted. To find a way to forgive him, or at least forget what he did to you for this month.

How is he deserving of you?

Well, he can answer that. He isn’t.

His fingertips skim over your skin, across your stomach and over your breasts. Trailing down to your thighs.

The silky, pliable feeling of you draws his blood to his cock, swelling him to halfway. He adjusts his position next to you, kissing your shoulder as he palms himself with his hips tilted away. His slow strokes get him fully hard, whimpering muffled against your skin as he works his hand up and down his length.

The conversation you two had earlier, talking about him waking you up on the edge of coming, replays in his mind. His eyes fall down to your ass stuck out behind you in your curled sleeping position, swallowing his saliva down his throat.

His movements are languid as he wraps an arm around your stomach again, shifting down the bed a few inches to line himself up with where your thighs meet your center.

Gradually, he pushes his cock between your fleshy inner thighs, holding a groan in his throat at the feeling.

His heart rate thumps quickly, the added challenge of keeping you asleep as long as possible turning him on even more.

“Fuck, darlin’. Such a sweet girl to let me do this to you. My dirty girl.”

He moans a bit louder, biting his tongue as his hips drag back and forth. You adjust in your sleep, and he stills, waiting for you to settle before moving again.

It’s getting him close, but it’s not enough for him. Just as he grazes his teeth on your shoulder, your eyes flutter open, your sleepy voice speaking groggily.

“Joel? You need something?”

He grunts, nodding his head on your shoulder.

“Please, darlin’. Jus’ wanna put it in, please.”

You nod lazily, lifting your leg and resting it on his thigh behind you to spread you open for him. He huffs out a desperate breath, coating himself in your wetness still there from before, more dripping from your cunt as he slips his cock into you. You whimper and hiss quietly and Joel attempts to soothe you with candied kisses to your shoulder and neck.

“So good to me, mi cielito…Such a special girl. Think you were made for me. Exactly what I was wishing for. How’d I get so lucky?”

Your breath hitches with the leisurely hang of his hips; a hand moves to your front, finding your clit and rubbing it in heavy circles. A hand of yours grips his wrist, the other reaching up and back to tangle your fingers into his hair and tug. You’re shaking your head as you beg.

“Please, Joel, I can’t…”

His chin hooks over her shoulder, lips brushing her ear as he whispers, “You can. Such a good fucking girl, taking it so well for me, huh?”

He nips at your ear before continuing, “C’mon, mi Mariposa, just one more for me. One more time, you can do it. ‘S gonna feel real good.”

Rapid breaths compress and expand your chest, eyes squeezing shut as you whine, his name falling from your lips in a quiet puff as you reach that last gentle peak he’s brought you too. Less intense than the others but still clouding your brain with dopamine.

His hand rubbing your clit crawls up your front, grabbing your chin gently and turning your head up to the ceiling. A kiss is pressed to the corner of your mouth, his hips fucking you through the tender orgasm and working to his own, “That’s my girl. So perfect — feels good like I said it would, right? Jus’ a little bit more for me sweetheart, can you you do that?”

You nod as quickly as you body will let you, eyes dragging to the side to try to look at him. 

One moan of his name from you, so delicate and syrupy, brings him to his high, spilling with slow, hard hits as he whines in your ear.

Your leg stays over his, holding him inside as you already drift off to sleep again. A quiet, incoherent mumble makes him smile, “Stay like this, please. Feels good having you this close…”

After you’re knocked out, he whispers in your ear, “Don’t deserve you, Mariposa.”

He complies with your request, softening inside you as he finally manages to drift off for a nap himself.

A soft knock comes from the front door, followed by about three rapid rings of the doorbell. You stand up from the couch, turning off the TV and smoothing down the skirt of your sundress as you walk to answer the door. The deadbolt clicks undone and when the door opens, there is seemingly no one there.

“Posey! You’re home!”

A smile stretches across your face as you look down at the smallest Miller, laughing softly and bending down to be at eye level with her.

“Hey there, Sare-Bear! What’s brought you over here today?”

She swishes the skirt of her own sundress as she twists back and forth, a grin on her face as she looks over her shoulder. Your eyes follow her head, seeing Joel standing at the side of his truck and waving to you. A short wave is sent back to him from both you and Sarah, the eight-year-old facing you again.

“Daddy’s taking me to that one farm that’s got berries to pick and that big thing with all the butterflies in it. He thought maybe you would want to do it too, so I ran over here to see if you were home and to ask you if you wanted to come with us! Pretty please, Posey, it will be so much funner if you come!”

The invitation makes you laugh happily, nodding your head and brushing some curls from Sarah’s face, “I would love to join, sweet pea, that sounds like so much fun. I need to just get some shoes on and get my purse, why don’t you head back to your daddy’s car and I will be right out?”

“Okay, but don’t take too long! I don’t want all the good berries to get picked by other people,” Sarah says seriously before turning around and running down the stairs of your porch and across the grass. You laugh at her antics, standing up and quickly stepping inside to slip your Chuck Taylors onto your feet and lace them up, grabbing your crossbody and throwing it over your shoulder.

After locking up the house, you walk over to meet Joel at the passenger side of his truck, Sarah secured in her booster seat in the back row. There’s a cheeky grin on his face as you step closer to him, a smirk on your face.

“Using your cute kid to invite me out is quite a move, Miller.”

“It’s called usin’ your resources, Mariposa. Guarantees me a ‘yes’,” he winks and opens the car door for you, stepping back to let you climb in. He offers a hand to help balance you as you climb up, looking at you with an affectionate smile before he closes the door and jogs around the front.

His fingers tap anxiously against the steering wheel as the three of them sit at the last light before their turn, eyes glancing in the rearview mirror to see Sarah staring out the window.

Light’s still red.

His lips press into a line, that airy feeling in his stomach kicking up when he takes a second to look at you in the passenger seat, your own eyes trained to the side before flicking over when you must feel his stare. A shy look is shared between the two of you before the light turns green, his foot easing off the brake and turning his signal on at the next right turn.

The truck cruises down the gravel road leading back to the farm, one that he even visited as a kid with his family. It’s part working farm and part nature reserve, the family that owns it sells their harvests as well as welcomes the public in to enjoy some berry picking, hiking along the trails throughout their land, and maintaining a pretty stellar butterfly garden with well-kept plants sprawling throughout it. It’s one of his and Sarah’s favorite spots during the summer; this year, he reckons it wouldn’t have felt as fun for Sarah or him without you there.

At that thought, warmth oozes into his heart as he parks the truck, cutting the engine and looking over at you.

Have you forgiven him? For pushing you away?

Or is this month just something fun before you leave for good?

Maybe he’s barking up the wrong tree, trying to win you back, but he can’t be damned to care. It feels good to be with you. Better than he’s felt in a long time.

“Joel? You there?” you question, and Sarah’s giggle fully pulls him out of his thoughts, sending both of you a playfully scolding look.

“I’m here, spaced out a second. Let’s go, you two. Before you both start scheming against me.”

The three of you make your way to the small welcome center to buy your baskets to fill with berries and pick up a small map with all of the activities marked on it. Sarah walks between Joel and you, her small hand in his to keep her tethered. He looks down as she reaches for your hand silently, connecting Joel to you in a chain.

Maybe you all look like a family.

The thought itches his skin with a tingle, his free hand gripping the strap of the backpack he brought filled with snacks and water, a rain jacket for Sarah in case of a change in weather. His shoulders roll to loosen the tightness in his back, a sigh relaxing him as you all walk into the air-conditioned building.

“Y’all stay here, I’ll go get the baskets and a map for us.”

“Oh wait, Joel! I think I have some cash to give you for it, hold on,” you keep Sarah’s hand in yours and use the other to rifle through your bag. Joel shakes his head and laughs softly, turning to walk away again.

“No chance, Mariposa. Your money’s no good with me,” he waves you off as he walks away and smiles to himself when he hears Sarah pull you over to the gift shop area.

The three of you have combed through about four rows of strawberry bushes, Sarah about ten feet ahead of you and Joel as she searches for the “best berries” even though Joel isn’t quite sure what that means to her. You and him trail back, walking slowly on either side of the row of harvestable fruit. Joel watches you more than he picks berries to fill the small package in his hand, catching himself and throwing a handful of strawberries in before going back to watching you.

Sunlight kisses your skin, a mild sheen of sweat on your chest. With the slight breeze that passes through occasionally, your sundress rustles at the hem against your thighs. One stronger gust lifts in a couple of inches, exposing more of the soft skin that his fingers twitch to reach out and touch. His tongue wets his lips, wiping his hands on his jeans before he crouches down to pick a few more pieces of ripened fruit. Every so often, your eyes follow Sarah, a smile crossing your face at her excited over finding another “perfect berry” and adding it to her basket.

It’s been a slow conversation between both of you, questions passed back and forth about the last few months and about your move at the end of this month. Joel tells you all about the business growing, getting a glowing recommendation passed around one of the wealthy neighborhoods and getting hired on six jobs in the same two week period. He’s hired more of a crew, and now is at a point where he has to turn down jobs every so often to keep time for Sarah. You tell him you’re nervous to move, but excited to start the new job. He reassures you after you mentioning feeling like an imposter in the field, praising the way you have talked about what you want to do with such care and dedication. He not-so-subtly interrogates you about your living situation — you have two roommates that you haven’t met before but have been emailing with, they both work at the same company you were hired to, neither of them is a guy (his jealousy reared it’s head a bit there), and it is in a relatively safe area. Your answer to his last question was filled with hesitation, and he makes a mental note to look up the neighborhood and it’s crime stats when he gets home later.

When the conversation dies down, he goes back to watching you silently. The care in your eyes when you look at his daughter gives him a feeling that lightens his chest and squeezes around his rib cage, words caught in his throat as he fights to speak to you, but his mind is unsure of what exactly his body is wanting him to say.

You have so much love in your heart.

And he selfishly wants some of it to go to him.

You said that to him — that you loved him. And he said nothing in response. Pretended he was asleep, or didn’t hear it. You never brought it up again.

He really wishes you would.

Do you still feel that way? Or did he give up any chance at that with you when he asked you to forget about him for the year?

Even if you didn’t want anything romantically with him again, he is desperate to receive love from you, even as a friend. The way you love is unabashed, unjaded by insecurity of rejection.

Fuck, did he ruin that for you? Did he make you hold back by ignoring your feelings?

What a dick. Thinking he was doing the right thing, forcing you to make your decisions based solely on yourself and not around him, and here he was, pleading internally for any love from you.

“Daddy?”

His head snaps to the sound of his daughter’s voice, a few feet ahead of him.

“Yeah, mija? What’s going on?”

“C’mere! Posey, too! I wanna show you something,” she crouches down to the crowd, staring into one of the strawberry bushes. Joel looks over at you, nodding his head in her direction.

“We’ve been summoned.”

“Guess so,” you grin at him, taking the hand he offers you to step over the short plants separating the two of you. The touch sends a jolt up his arm, spreading across the back of his neck and down his spine. It’s a cooling sensation under the Texas heat.

The feeling of your skin against his slips away in the next instance, his small window of opportunity to keep your hand in his gone as you lead the two of you toward Sarah’s spot. His daughter points to caterpillar slowly crawling across one of the berries, giggling at the look of it’s fuzzy skin. He reaches his hand out and lets the insect crawl onto his finger, bring it out and closer to Sarah.

Joel laughs as she backs away, hiding behind you. You laugh as Sarah yells to Joel from around you, “Daddy, stop! I don’t want him on me, stop!”

He steps closer, as if he’s going to move around you and Sarah bolts, sending both of you two into a fit of laughter at her dramatics.

“Okay, okay, enough tormenting your daughter. That little caterpillar doesn’t want to be a part of this family squabble,” you scold him with a grin on your face, holding out your hands cupped together to take the fuzzy bug from him.

He can’t ignore the way his heart rate picks up after he hears you say ‘family’. Nearly double time, he calms down his laughter and passes the insect over to your hands, watching you gingerly release it to the same plant it came from.

“It’s not tormenting. It’s exposure therapy; don’t think she realizes that her favorite butterflies in the greenhouse come from caterpillars. I am trying to educate.” He attempts to hold a poker face, faux seriousness laced in his voice.

You stand again and send him a look, shaking your head as you hold back a smirk.

“God, how do you ever get away with a lie? Can see your lip twitching, cowboy. Major tell.”

“Guess then you’ll know if I’m ever lying to you, sweetheart.”

“Hm, might come in handy in the future,” you say off-handedly as you start towards Sarah at the end of the field, leaving Joel to stand there and quickly press a hand to his chest to attempt to slow his racing heart with steady pressure. A fluttering in his stomach is going wild, his limbs feeling like they're filled with helium.

The future.

The future, with him.

Joel’s t-shirt sticks to his upper back in the hot, humid air of the butterfly house. The three of you are walking together, Sarah tethering you together in a chain as she holds both your hand and Joel’s. His daughter skips between you two and giggles excitedly at the butterflies fluttering around her.

An older couple walks past, Joel stepping aside behind Sarah to allow them more room on the path. The man gives him an appreciative nod, his wife smiling widely down at Sarah and then looking between you and him.

“Beautiful little girl you two got. Pretty as a peach.”

You open your mouth to correct her but Joel cuts in, a charmed smile on his face as he gives her a nod in acknowledgment.

“Thank you very much, ma’am. ‘M a lucky man,” he looks over at you, affection radiating from him as you grin sheepishly, nodding and waving to the couple as they continue on.

You say nothing about the way Joel didn’t bother to correct the woman; he was grateful, relishing in that little moment that made his cup feel full to the point of overflowing. Made him feel that constant swish in his stomach, heart swelling with a tinge of pain from how much he’s feeling.

What that feeling is, he can’t quite explain.

Sarah lets go of his hand, tugging you along with her as she moves to catch up to a butterfly she locked her gaze on. His fingers brush against your back as you get pulled ahead, looking over your shoulder with a coy smile. He lingers back, slow-moving steps as he takes in all the greenery, exotic ferns growing happily in the greenhouse. Butterflies zip around his head, eyes following one that flies over your heads, his stare dropping to the two of you kneeling in front of a blue butterfly perched on a large leaf.

From afar, he watches as your hand hovers carefully around the bug, pointing out its features to Sarah who is completely entranced. He smiles to himself, watching as a different butterfly lands on your hand, Sarah giggling as it slowly crawls along your forearm.

You pass the butterfly to her, laughing with her as she giggles more, squealing in excitement when it flutters its wings. The two of you follow the insect with your heads as it flies higher and higher. 

That’s what it feels like when he’s around you. That feeling in his stomach starts with flapping of wings, rising into his chest, lightening his heart and his limbs as the affection he feels for you filters into his brain, darting around and landing on the small quirks you have, how he feels about your smile, how you are with Sarah.

A calmness washes over him as he puts words to the feelings, a physical representation of how he could explain it to you. 

If he ever shares it.

Sarah leans into your side when you two stand again in front of the fountain, and Joel slowly comes up behind you both, hand resting on your lower back with his thumb brushing back and forth. You turn over your shoulder, closer to his chest, and a warm smile stretched across your face with what looks like devotion behind your eyes.

He really wants to kiss you.

Desperately wants to just say fuck it and dive head first into the deep end with you.

Instead, he just smiles, looking between you and Sarah before speaking up.

“My girls ready to keep moving? Lots of other things to see. Heard from one of the workers that there were gonna be some butterflies hatching on the side. Wanna go check it out?”

Sarah eagerly agrees, running ahead as Joel calls after her with a chuckle.

“Alright, mija, hold your horses!”

Your laugh draws his attention, his smile painted across his face and imitating your softer one. Words are unspoken in the look you share, and he watches you take one step before he reaches for your hand, taking it in his and walking with you over to the other side.

Quietly, he says to you, “Eres la mariposa más hermosa para mí. Mi Mariposa. (You are the most beautiful butterfly to me. My butterfly.)”

Joel’s eyes glance at Sarah in the rearview mirror again, smiling to himself when he sees her head rolled back and eyes closed. Completely fast asleep after all of the excitement of the day.

God, his heart is nearly about to burst.

It’s quiet in the truck, the soft hum of the radio filling the air as you relax back into the leather seat. Silence percolates for a few minutes before he clears his throat, adjusting his grip on the steering wheel nervously.

“Thanks for coming, Mariposa. I know it really meant a lot to Sarah to get a day like this with you before you, y’know…” He can’t bring himself to say it. He can’t face the reality that there’s a countdown for how long you are home. How long you are fifty feet away. How long you’re still his neighbor that he’s—

“Move away?” You fill in, and he nods slowly, swallowing hard.

“Yeah…I know she’s gonna miss you.”

“I’m going to miss her, too. So, so much.”

Joel nods, eyes trained on the road as his chest tightens with emotion, tears threatening his eyes that he holds back.

“And I’m gonna miss you, Joel. Like, a fuck ton.”

He laughs, looking over at you, seeing the dampness in the corners of your eyes. His hand leaves the steering wheel, crossing the center console and reaching for yours. You slip your hand together, fingers intertwining.

“Mariposa, I—“ he chokes out, shaking his head and focusing back on the road.

“It’s okay, Joel. We don’t have to…We can save it for goodbyes, yeah? Let’s just enjoy these couple of weeks.”

You squeeze his hand and he nods, slowing to a red light and looking over at you.

“Yeah, yeah. Save it for goodbyes,” he sighs, bringing your hand in his up to his lips, pressing a gentle kiss to your skin. You hold your hands in your lap the whole ride home, sharing a sweet kiss with him hidden in his car before saying goodnight and heading back home.

He watches you cross the lawns, slipping inside your front door.

A smile pulls at his lips, an incredulous chuckle slipping out quietly.

Did he really have to fall in love with his neighbor?

taglist: @beskarandblasters @undrthelights @swiftispunk @joelsversion @clingontolife @elizabeth01585 @wandaandellie @asirenbyanyothername @ellenmunn @ja-ehyun @livinxdeadxgrl @sw33tp1xie @starsandsaints07 @marisemonteiroo @brunetteeras @whydontyoysaynodoja @beee-haw @shmaptainshmerica07 @jenna-mcgraw19 @whore-4-pedro @spursgirl14-blog @katifefe @joelmillerswifu @itsgiorgiaz @soph55 @grapejuicesny @wild-hearts-runfree @youcancallmeelle @lisa-ru @jupitren @ziggy-star @miaispunk @oneofutoo @starkovli @thatgeminigirlx @marchai @bunnyskisses @houseofballoonsth @casual-obsessions @pedro-pascal-lvr @bimbodolls-world @burningnerdchild @tuquoquebrute @mrsvedder12 @estelivi28 @helllsent @bongsrconfusing @addictedtotlou @brittmb115 @angie2274 @owod3 @pedrostories @pedroholicx @theelishad @johnwatsn @sunakochansama43 @elissaaa @felicityofbakerstreet @atinylittlepain

[notmorbid]

...lost child, pt. 3.

dialogue prompts from the story of the lost child by elena ferrante.

are you threatening me?

even your shadow is better than any flesh and blood person.

i'll take away everything you have.

even an open lie from [name] was the only truth that could be uttered.

you haven't been proud of me in a long time.

the _____ we live in is much worse than the one we talk about.

the laws work for those who fear them, not for those who violate them.

since you couldn't make up your mind, i did.

i don't understand why you behave like that.

i'm not angry with you. it's not your fault.

i'm telling you these things because i love you, and i'm worried.

alright. i'll do it. but i don't like it.

you don't belong to this family.

i want you to teach me to ______.

at that moment, i was surely sincere.

you didn't understand, or you didn't want to.

i don't want to see anyone.

good lord, how you've grown. you're magnificent.

you look exactly like your mother.

i gave you too much rope. i let you re-tie too many knots.

the scam of rebirth raises hopes, then shatters them.

i never saw you cry.

do you feel lonely?

try to be reasonable.

i wanted people to think i was someone.

you'll kill me if you leave me like this.

you want to end up like ____?

not all human beings react in the same way.

you have no respect for anyone.

you should let it out. you should say whatever comes to mind.

each of us organizes memory as it suits him.

we both speak a false language.

you're even more defenseless than you used to be.

if the wind blows any harder, we'll all fly away.

wait. sit with me for a moment.

a wish, a fantasy travels more swiftly than blood.

i want to understand what is happening in your mind.

talking to you helps. you make me think.

knowing i'm useful to you makes me feel better.

to be adult is to recognize one's needs.

you're perfect. you never need anything.

nothing overwhelms you. nothing even touches you.

there are things no one knows, not even me.

everyone knows that people like _____ end up getting killed.

all men were once boys.

i should have done worse.

it's hard to tell you no.

does a person necessarily have to 'do' something?

you have to use your life.

i want to go back to sleeping alone.

it's terrible sleeping alone.

you've already forgotten. not me.

do i have to account for myself to you?

you repeat nonsense like a parrot.

every time you go out, i'm afraid you'll get in trouble.

be sure that i will watch over you.

what are you thinking of doing?

someday or other, we'll have to separate.

i will always try to help you. you have only to ask.

the time for faithfulness and permanent relationships is over.

you do only what you want.

i wouldn't want to enter your mind, even for a few seconds.

what do you expect from me?

be careful. ____ has always hated you.

you can be hurt only if you love someone.

all you think about is yourself.

it isn't books that make people good. it's good people who make some good books.

if you think about it, there's more to laugh at than cry about.

you don't respect anything or anyone.

now is not the right time for this conversation.

you must never touch my things again.

you always have to incite, poke, shove.

you have so many things to do. you won't even notice i'm gone.

it's impossible to have a real relationship with you.

this room is like a crime scene.

if it's fine, what are we talking about?

i owe you everything. you're the best person i know.

i thought something had happened to you.

you have no sensitivity. you hurt people and don't realize it.

the empty apartment makes me sad.

i dream of you often.

i'm looking everywhere for your perfume.

where is it written that lives should have a meaning?

what's become of you? i no longer recognize you.

you no longer surprise me.

words are full of ghosts, but so are images.

we must be careful not to make mistakes. we pay for our mistakes.

i don't know anything anymore. things go one way, and then they change direction.

only in bad novels do people always think the right thing, say the right thing.

go. do better things than you've done so far.

i'm so glad we've been friends for so long.

every intense relationship is full of traps. if you want it to endure, you have to learn to avoid them.

i did answer you, but you pretend not to understand.

to write, you have to want something to survive you.

i want to leave nothing. my favorite key is the one that deletes.

i want to untie my name. slip it off me. throw it away. forget it.

leave. come and stay at my house.

i love nothing about myself.

come and see me. we'll be together for a while.

you've always overestimated me.

where did i go wrong?

i am no longer able to distinguish what's mine and what's yours.

you are constantly celebrating yourself.

all you need to get a diploma and a degree is free time.

did you like my gift?

unlike stories, real life, when it has passed, inclines toward obscurity. not clarity.

[defodisturbed]

Diet Culture - Poly!Recoms x PlusSize!reader

(A/N: inspired by the song Diet Culture by Brye! i love the song and can relate to it as a mid/plus-size person. i wrote this for my friend (you know who you are) and thought she would like it! i've always felt insecure and i'm sure many of you have as well. i hope this can bring you some joy or comfort even in the slightest. enjoy!)

And I know their worst fear is to look like me

And that fact makes me want to kill somebody.

To be a plus-sized person in the modern age has never been an easy feat. At least in the 16-18th century they thought it was very beautiful and desirable to have a body like mine. But now, as resources run dry and there's no space for everyone due to overpopulation, everyone hates fat people more than ever before. The body positivity movement was popular and utilized in the 21st century, but thats far, far behind us now. I feel crippling anxiety and shame every day for having to do the simplest things. Riding the train, feeling tired, and hell, even eating. My last thought before dying was that maybe in the next life I could be thinner.

Here I am now, staring at myself in the mirror. My skin is blue, I have stripes, and Lord, what a fatass I feel like. Why couldn't Parker or whoever's in charge of Project Phoenix just let me live in peace for once? My teammates are standing behind me as I examine my new teeth, tail, and my new skin. How big of a hospital gown did they have to make for me? I should apologize for this. I should apologize for having been brought back. Nobody wants a fat girl on their team. Nobody likes a fat girl. Nobody cares about fat girls. My thoughts run rampant through my head as I start to zone out.

"Hey, Y/N, you good? I know it's a little weird at first..." Lyle asks. I snap out of it and start to walk towards the door. I ask for someone to take me to my room, and so they escort me to my new place. It's very nice. They give me a lot of clothes and tell me to get comfortable because I'll be here awhile.

I get changed and explore my room. It's well lit, and when the lights are off, you can barely see anything. That's good for sleep. The bed is soft and it is comfortable.

When I get settled, the first number I call is my best friend. I tell her about how I just got resurrected and she asks how I feel.

"Fucking horrible. My body is still as fat if not fatter than it was before, my hair is messy, my skin is blue now, I have a weird tail and sharp teeth, and I just want to die again. I would like to die over and over again until they bring me back in at least a smaller body."

My friend tries to comfort me but her advice just doesn't do the trick this time. I tell her I gotta unpack and get situated. We say goodbye and I hang up.

Fuck, why did they have to do this to me?

---

I hear a knock at the door. I roll my eyes, making a game out of guessing who wants to talk to me now. I open the door, seeing my old friend, Alicia Zdinarsk. I invite her in and she offers to help me unpack. I accept her offer, and as we unpack, she tells me how weird it was for her to wake up blue as well. I wanted to shout IT'S NOT THE BLUE! IT'S NOT THE TAIL, NOT THE TEETH, NOTHING LIKE THAT! but I held back. I can't argue without crying anyway.

"Hey, you okay? You kind of zoned out in the wakeup room." Z says. I reply, "Yeah, it's just I really wish they revived me in a smaller body. I don't know how they expect a fat girl to-"

"No. You're not gonna call yourself fat as an insult. You're so awesome, and I cannot imagine being here again without you. Sure, people on Earth might've hated fat people, but we're not on Earth anymore. And last time I checked, we all love you just as you are. You don't need to change anything about you. We love you more than you could ever imagine, okay?" Z said. I was stunned. "Okay." I replied. I was always amazed by their collective love for me, but I never thought it was as deep as this. Nobody has ever told me they love me in the way Z just did, let alone a whole team of soldiers.

"Hello?? Y/N, Z??? You in there??? Mansk is making cocktails for us and I want us all to be there when we get drunk and grind-y tonight!" Lyle yelled through the door, banging on it as he did so. "Lyle, we're gonna head over in a second! For right now, keep it in your pants!" Z yelled back. I chuckled as we finished the last box of stuff. I could hear Lyle make a noise of disappointment outside, not wanting to wait any longer. I rolled my eyes and looked into Z's deeply, before pulling her in for a little kiss. She returned it, and we hugged until Lyle came banging on the door again.

"Can we at least watch a movie in the meantime??"

MWAH hope yall enjoyed!! @dyingofcookies thought you would like this :3 💋💋

[just-another-in-the-universe]

This is my first post about this topic, and I normally wouldn’t do this but I felt a call and thought this needed to be said.

Here goes:

I am a hellenic worshiper, primarily with Lady Aphrodite and Lord Hypnos. It’s just those two right now, but there may be more in the future.

There were so many posts on here, talking about how many people feel as if they don’t do enough for the gods or they compare themselves to others. And granted I often feel that way too. So I decided to go to my Lady’s altar to speak with her and apologize for not being a “good enough worshiper” and afterward I started talking to myself as if I was talking to a group of people and afterward I realized that it was Her talking through me, to spread love and comfort to those who need it.

And when I saw her altar, I started crying and I knew that it needed to be said. And here was that speech:

The gods are not angry with you if you don’t worship/pray/think about them every waking moment or every day or every week.

They’re not angry if their altar isn’t the most expensive, prettiest, or biggest or if you even have one at all.

Take it from me, I wouldn’t consider myself a “good worshiper”, my disease often makes me forget to honor Her on Fridays, and Hypnos at night, I don’t give offerings as often as I would like, I don’t pray or read as much as I should. Quite frankly, religion makes me feel weird (long-time atheist over here who was raised Christian/Catholic).

But every time I needed my Lady, she was there, every time I asked for something, it was given when it was time. And the same goes for Lord Hypnos, I often fight with sleepless nights, and whenever I ask for a peaceful sleep, he’s right there in a few minutes to help me.

All of this is to say, they’re not angry or even upset if you’re not perfect. They know you’re not, they know you’re human, and they know that you’re trying your best. However you choose to worship, they’ll love it.

I believe and love them, I believe that they love me.

I believe that they love all of us. So please, be kind to yourself. As long as your intentions are pure, then you’re on the right track

I genuinely believe that this post came from Lady Aphrodite because I never felt a call as strong as this one. So from the bottom of my heart, love yourself as much as you love the gods.

Blessed be

[rose-and-thorn-fanfics]

“A Far Fall From The Heights Of Heaven” A Dio Brando x Self Insert Fanfic

The sun set like red gold over Cairo, and I watched my older sister Denise get in her wedding dress. I remembered saying she was crazy for wanting her wedding all the way in Egypt. But to be honest? Now I was grateful. Egypt was magical. I could feel it in the air.

We were in the crammed storage rooms of an old church, where she was getting ready before she walked down the aisle. I got emotional thinking about my sister all grown up and married!

The ceremony went well, and the wedding vows were moving, but it was all quite overwhelming, and after my mom made a crude comment to my aunt about me being unfuckable and certainly undatable, I felt like I needed fresh air and a place to run off too.

After Denise left with her new husband, I left through the back door. I wandered a bit down some streets, crying a bit, when a convertible pulled up in front of me. I froze, unsure of how to proceed. The men in the car offered me a ride, and I got the sense I was dead if I didn’t take it, considering my cornered situation. My heart was racing as I took a seat in the back. They drive through the streets to more lavish areas. Hours into the drive I felt like kicking myself, but to be honest? I was too tired to try anything drastic like jumping out of the car. It seemed silly anyway. The night breeze lulled me to sleep, and I woke up when the convertible stopped abruptly in front of—an Egyptian mansion looking structure? what the heck?!

The men got out and pulled me roughly from the car, dragging me into the well guarded mansion, which was pretty much a fort in its function. I figured things weren’t looking too great for me, so when they brought me through a maze into a lavish lounge room I was relieved they let me rest, collapsing on the floor from exhaustion. I didn’t bother lifting my eyes from the floor where I lay until—

“What’s this, gentleman? You seem to have treated our guest quite poorly. She looks exhausted.” A smooth voice overtook my senses, and I became well aware of a presence on one of the ornate lounges. His hair was golden blonde, and this man… no… surely more than a man, this god was handsome beyond my wildest dreams. He reclined on his side, shirtless (revealing beautifully defined muscles). I blushed, suddenly aware that my bridesmaid dress was barely staying up on my chest. “Bring the sweet mademoiselle to me so I can… be more hospitable.” I felt my tired body lifted and laid down next to him on the velvet upholstery. It felt good to lay down, I knew it was reckless and stupid to comply, but I’d been on my feet all day attending to my sister’s wedding, and this felt good.

“Allow me to introduce myself,” the handsome god said. I shivered, my spine tingling as I felt his breath on my exposed neck. He gestured for the men who had brought me there to leave. “You may call me Lord Dio.” He explained, as if it was the most natural thing in the world how close we were to each other.

I nodded, looking up at him with wonder. “Yes, my Lord.” I whispered.

Dio looked satisfied, taking a sip from a glass of…wine? No… this was too thick for wine. I should’ve freaked out by now. ‘This seems like a cult’, I thought.

“I can offer you many things, beautiful.” Lord Dio explained charismatically.

My heart dropped. ‘Yeah, definitely a cult.’

“Eternal beauty, riches, and lots of pleasure.” Dio continued.

“Who are you, Satan or something?” I joked timidly.

Lord Dio frowned. “No, a bit different. You’re religious, I take it?”

“Not a whole lot. I used to be… but, well, it felt so hollow.” I explained, watching Dio regain his amused demeanor.

“I can give you something better to worship. But it will come with a cost.”

“I’m broke so…I’m not really in a position to be paying—“

Dio flipped me to face him parallel, and pinned me there. “Now you are. This is a great position for what I desire.”

I realized what he wanted in that moment, and a little rebellious part of me wanted to give it to him. To prove my mother wrong about being unfuckable.

Dio gently placed his hand on my waste, and I tried to stifle a sigh as my body pressed up against his. “May I, mademoiselle?” He whispered in my ear.

“Yes.” I swooned. Screw safety. I needed this. “But I should warn you I’m a—“

“Virgin? Yes. I figured as much.” Dio said, completely unzipping my dress. “You’re too sweet to be anything else.”

My dress fell away, revealing my figure. Dio didn’t waste any time, his lips went straight to my neck and his hands…. Oh god, I was not prepared for the sensation of his hands traveling up my thighs, fingering my pussy, and teasing my clit until it was gaping with pleasure. Then he pulled his fingers out and dug them into my waist til I bled small droplets of blood. I winced, but I could tell the pressure he applied was very calculated so as not to be too painful and outdo any pleasure he was giving me with his mouth.

Lord Dio kissed and caressed my breasts, carefully making his way down to where he had drawn blood from my plump folds of flesh at my waist. The way he lapped up the blood with his tongue sent shivers down my spine and had my breathing become heavy with lust. This was better than any sexual act I’d read about in my favorite smutty books. This was the real thing, and Dio seemed to know every physical and sexual weakness I had. Weaknesses as a first timer I was completely unaware of.

Then he repositioned me on my back and spread my legs further apart. He smirked as he saw my wide eyed expression.

In between panting I gasped, “Shouldn’t we use protec—“

His giant hard cock rammed into my soft pussy, and I let out a cry of surprise. Dio persisted in pushing it further, no matter how tight it was for his large length. I shed tears, but got no sympathy, only the sound of his own groans and growls of ecstasy. I braced my body as he pushed it in and pulled it out repeatedly. I was drooling with overstimulation until finally he left it in, filling me with an absurd amount of his cum.

Then Dio did something unexpected, repositioning and holding me close, his dick still deep inside me. He rubbed my back and held me tightly, in a comforting way. “There there…” he soothed me with his low voice, as smooth as liquid gold. I took this as a sign to press up against him. I wrapped my legs around his waist and cried softly, my teary cheek pressed against his pecs. He laughed softly, acknowledging my vulnerability with a kiss on the top of my head and a quiet moan of satisfaction. I fell asleep in his arms, exhausted from all the sexual excitement.

When I woke up, Dio was still asleep. I had to check the clock on the nightstand to see what time it was as there were no windows in the room to let in light that indicated whether it was day or night. I covered my mouth to suppress a yelp of shock. It was afternoon of the next day. I was supposed to be helping my mom set up the wedding reception venue!

Dio stirred, rolling over and opening an eye to observe my distress at the time. He mumbled about how it was too early to be awake, and I should join him back in bed.

I sighed. I couldn’t say no, gazing at his sleepy expression. Even a bit disheveled Dio looked like a fucking king. I climbed back in bed. Who’s to say I had to show up for the reception? It was more my mom’s event than my sister Denise’s event. My mom had taken full control of all the planning and didn’t let my sister have a say in anything. Besides… I had been kidnapped! I was practically… helpless.

I sighed, curling up against Lord Dio. “Are you going to put me up for ransom?” I asked, beginning to dose off.

Dio laughed heartily, nuzzling the back of my neck affectionately. “Over your dead body.” He said, then proceeded to yawn and falling back asleep.

TYSM FOR READING! Reblog if you enjoyed it!

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[xq1zi]

the other women will always cry herself to sleep

|angst| fem!reader| english not fist language| not proof read

being born into a noble family was never a good thing. others may say differently. but really what do they know? the way you try to “grown up” but in reality, you don’t even know what those words mean anymore. never having a friend or someone to cry on. not even having a sibling as you are an only child. your parents wishing that they had a boy her he can carry on the family name. to your parents never saw you as a person let alone someone with feelings.

you have a chance to be someone. as you are getting married to kamisato ayato. it almost felt like a blessing from celestia.

finally to be first someone's choice. someone who will see you or let you be free.

you had only met the young lord couple. as late teens when giving your grievance at his parent's funeral. or at social gatherings when you saw him from afar. this time will be at your wedding. “[name] for the love of all good, please don’t mess this up.” your mother said. “yes mother.” dinner time was never your favorite time. having to sit with the people you hated most in the world for a meal everyday. “may i go now? i have finished.” you said. “you may go.” your mother sighed.

when getting up and leaving the dining room you could hear some maids bad-mouthing you

“oh it’s lady [name]”

“she is quite weird you know.”

“i know i heard her once about how she wanted a new life.”

“what?! she is so lucky to be born into a noble family.”

“right, we could never be so lucky”

they stop bickering when they see you getting close. but it was too late you had heard it all. you go quickly to your room and locking the door. it seems like no one will understand how you feel.

the wedding will be next week. and everyone is getting ready but no one wanted your help so you were left with nothing to do and just think. will even he love you? will he even care about you? was this even worth it?

“my lady, we should get you ready for bed.” it was the head maid. she always took care of you. you sigh. you need time alone. “okay.” you walk to the bathroom with them and got in the warm bathtub. “you can leave, i can wash myself.” “i can't do that. i must be with you all the time. what if someone tries to take your life? I can not leave you”

“well i can tell you this no one will try to kill someone whose life has no meaning to it.” she sighed. “alright, i will be waiting outside the door.” the water is so warm. so calm. it was time to get out.

sleeping was extremely difficult. your eyes won't close. so you just lay there.

time went by so fast that you didn't even notice it

the day of the wedding felt so wrong. were you really about to get married? the answer was yes when you said your i do’s. ayato was a handsome man. you feel sorry that he was to be married to you. the wedding was short. so when it was over you had to go meet your sister-in-law. she was so beautiful. you also meet a man called thoma he was a kind man. the three of you talked but your social skills weren’t the best. thoma showed you the bedroom that you and ayato will be sharing from now on.

there you are, in the room that you will be sharing with him. but he never showed. you slept alone. you ate alone. you spend your time alone. you only saw him at the wedding. and nobody told you where he was because no one seem to know. the wedding was two weeks ago havent seen him since then. making up your mind and deciding to sneak out since you can’t go outside without a personal guard.

you could feel the cold night. it was refreshing. you went and walked around. this feeling of freedom was amazing. you walked for hours you were at a unknown place. someone had bumped into you as to see they weren't seeing where they were going. the man was surprised that someone walking at night in a strange place.

“are you lost miss?” he had a soft spoked voice

“oh, im afraid i am. i know don’t the city very well”

“thats fine whats your clothes look very nice so i suppose your a noble?”

“ah! yes i am my name is [name] [last na-] oh its kamisato now”

he looked at you with confusion but he continued to introduce himself

“my name is aether come i’ll lead you to the kamisato estate”

“thank you very much”

as you two walked you had a small conversation he asked you about your new marriage. “well im not sure if im even a good wife,” you took in a deep breath “i havent seen him seen the wedding but i hope we can be a good couple. im sure hes just busy” he took a second to answer “yeah i hope you too the best. so here we are” you didnt noticed that you had arrived. “thank you once again. goodnight.” and then you went back inside.

aether knew that when ayato that when he had bumped into him a few week ago with the ‘love of his life’ in matter in fact it was not you. he felt bad for you because he probably knew that ayato was avoiding you and spending time with her. as he was leaving there he was in the flesh. “aether its surprising see you here at night” “ahah ayato can speak with you please”

as you were seeking back in you heard something from ayato office. “ayato please tell them, they need not to get their hopes up” “no, then what a divorce? we cant do that or better yet let the people know that i kamisato ayato is not truthful to my wife! i just cant i know its bad”

you went back to bed. what a fool you had been. you’ll really always be the other women that will cry herself to sleep. he will never love you. he will never care. you’ll never have someone there for you and to care. life is never fair.

[writer-by-the-sea]

elliot w an asexual reader? trying to navigate and communicate their relationship and it ends in fluff maybe

Thank you to my friend @chenziee for helping me out with this. Please go take a look at all their Ace fics they have available in the One Piece fandom :)

Snuggled beneath the blankets, a toasty fire and a cheesy movie playing — a repeated date night like many others with the farmer that I would never grow tired of. They lean against me, their head resting on my shoulder as I take another sip of my wine. The popcorn we had earlier surprisingly paired well with the red wine, but now I felt myself becoming sleepy with the farmer here beside me keeping me warm and comfortable. 

For a few weeks now, we’ve been seeing each other. Maybe not considered ‘official’ quite yet, but I could feel us moving in the same direction. Each night I spent with them I felt myself growing deeper feelings, feelings which I could only dream that they would return. As I cuddled closer to them, adjusting my position to place my arm across their shoulders, I knew that this was a relationship far beyond that of friends or even a new crush. 

I was falling in love. 

“Hey,” I mumbled when the movie credits began to roll, the soft singing of some unknown performer slipping through the speakers. “Do you mind if I stay the night?” I kept my gaze to the tv screen, knowing that if I were to make eye contact I might reveal just how nervous I was to ask this. Normally, in my past relationships, by this point we would be sleeping together. With my question I suddenly became aware of the old condom sitting in my wallet. Good lord, how old was that thing now? Hardly usable based on age alone, but the friction in my wallet had no doubt torn it to shreds. 

I shook the thought away, there was no chance we’d be using that condom, let alone any condom tonight. I could tell the farmer has been apprehensive about becoming intimate, and if we were ever to move forward in that sense it would be when they were comfortable—

“Sure,” they replied with a smile, looking up at me while still relaxing on my shoulder, those gorgeous eyes luring me into a quick kiss on the lips. When they pulled back, they chewed at their bottom lip, their hands coming to sit in their lap while they fiddled with their thumbs. “Look, there’s something I need to tell you.” 

My heart dropped.

The worry in their eyes, their sudden shortness of breath, the way they were the one now avoiding my gaze as they stared down at their lap. 

“Is there someone else?” I asked. My heart felt as if it could burst from my chest. Of course, this all made sense. Of all of the other bachelors and bachelorettes in town, there were much better options than me. Alex and his strength, Penny and her kindness, Harvey with his practice, Sebastian and his homegrown plants in the basement. 

“What?” The farmer laugh, short and sweet. “No-“

“My god, are you dying?!” 

“Elliott, no.” 

“I’ll give you a kidney if you need it, just say the word.” 

“I think we would need a blood test first…”

“Then let’s go to Harvey’s! He can see if I’m a match right now!” 

“Elliott, I don’t want your kidney!” 

“It’s perfectly healthy, I promise!” I pressed my lips together in thought for a moment before continuing. “Wait, does wine affect the kidney or is that the liver? Farmer it might not be that healthy after all but—“ 

“Elliott, No. Look, I’m ace.” 

“Ace?” I paused. Ace. What on earth was ace? “You… don’t have kidneys? Like at all?” 

“No, just,” the farmer covered their mouth, muffling themselves. 

I took their free hand, holding it gently while I looked deep into their eyes. “Please, don’t cry. We can figure this out together, and I’ll be here for you every step of the way.” 

They shook their head, suddenly dropping the hand covering their mouth only to reveal their laugh. The farmer rolled back, forcing me to drop their hand as now both of their hands covered their face while they continued to laugh, only their laughter growing even louder.

“If you’re dying this isn’t funny.” I pouted. 

“No, no—“ they snorted, tears now coming from their eyes. “This is hilarious—“

“I hardly find kidney failure funny—“

They sat up, wiping the tears from their eyes before the spoke. “I’m not dying.” 

I let out a breath. “Oh thank heavens.” 

“Ace means… well, it has to do with sex.” 

“Ahh.. yes, ace.” Right. Ace…. “Actually, no. I don’t know what that means. Does it have to do with golfing? Or poker?” I scratched at the back of my head, it wasn’t that I wasn’t into role play, but I would play a very poor golf instructor. 

The farmer snorted by trying to hold back another laugh. “No, it means I don’t want to have sex. As in… With most standard relationships… There is sexual attraction on both sides. I’m not… sexually attracted to anyone. I don’t get aroused in that sense.” 

“Oh.” 

“And if that’s an issue for you—“

“Are you… boyfriend attracted to me?” 

The farmer tilted their head, baffled. “What?” 

“If you don’t want to have sex, and if you’re not ‘sexually’ attracted to me, am I boyfriend material?” 

“You don’t mind that I don’t want to have sex with you?” 

“Will you keep watching cheesy movies with me and sharing your wine?” 

“Well, yeah—“

I pulled them into a hug, kissing the top of their head before resting my chin there. “Then you’re stuck with me, darling.” 

“And you’re sure you’re okay not having sex?” Their question was muffled by my shirt but still loud enough to be heard. 

“Of course! If I get to spend time with you… I’ll be the happiest man alive.” 

“Thank you, Elliott.” 

“Don’t thank me. Thank the ancient condom in my wallet that kept me from ever making an awkward move on you. It might even be old enough for a sip of that wine by now.” 

“Liar. Let me see this thing.” 

I chuckled and pulled away from them, taking out my wallet and plucking out the condom to be handed over. I didn’t even feel the ridge in it anymore, honestly how old was it? 

“I’ve never even heard of this brand,” the farmer said while they inspected it. 

I nodded. “Pretty sure their factory went up in flames many years ago.” 

“Hm. Sounds like they didn’t protect themselves very well.” The farmer smirked and passed the condom back. “Thanks for being so understanding… I really appreciate that you’ve been so… not pushy.” 

Sliding the condom back into my wallet for no reason, I laughed. “Not pushy Elliott at your service, my dear.” 

They stood, taking my hand and dragging me along with them. “It’s late, we should head to bed.” 

“As you wish… and hey,” I stopped, still holding their hand and made them look back at me. “If I ever make you uncomfortable, just let me know, alright?” 

The farmer nodded and delivered a kiss to my cheek, their free hand coming to rest on my chest. “You have no idea how much that means to me.” 

“You will always mean more to me than sex, I hope you know that.” 

The sadness that flashed across their eyes was something I never wished to see again. I could only imagine how hard this must be for them, and relationships that may have ended because of it.

“My dick on the other hand… will be hard as a rock in the morning and I apologize in advance.” 

“Elliot, oh my god!” 

“It’s human nature!” 

They groaned and smacked my chest. “You ruined the moment!”

“How could I ever?” I laughed and scooped them into my arms, my need for sleep now stronger than ever as I carried them into the bedroom. “When I love you as much as I do!”I dropped the farmer onto the bed, both of us giggling as I crawled under the sheets beside them. 

They dropped their face into their pillow and sighed. “Don’t confess to me after talking about your dick. Tell me you love me again in the morning.” 

I leaned over and kissed their cheek, earning a playful glare in return. “Anything for you.”  I would make sure to tell them as many times as they needed to hear it. 

[callme-littlesunshine]

Overthinking

What should I say, I feel like that right now and it‘s the most hurtful feeling ever.

Warnings: overthinking, smoking

I‘m not sure how I should start, maybe from the beginning?

The first day I met him, he was just cute, I liked his smile and everything. His smile was cute and that was everything I needed to know. We began to talk, spend tome together and shit but one day we lost contact, sometimes talking but that was everything.

One day, he talked to me, said he wanted to spend more time with me, I didn’t know why but I also wanted to spend time with him, i always thought he was cute, even haf a small crush on him but I never paid attention to it. I didn’t want to ruin our friendship.

I asked him if he would like to sleep at my room. I had nothing in mind when I told him he could sleep here. He had other plans. i was fucking nervous and I didn’t know why, we were still friends.

When the day came and he slept in my room, we had so much fun. Talking, laughing and even… well fucking. I had my first time with him, he even was my first kiss. It was just perfect. The next day, we slept in, had another round. We cuddled up next to each other and it was so fucking nice. I never knew something like that could be so nice.

When he left, he kissed me goodbye. I missed hin. I still do. He gave me forehead kissed anf I can’t stop thinking about him, his smile, his scent, the kisses… after that, he wasn’t talking to me, well he was but not like before, maybe I did something wrong? Was I not good enough? But he told me he liked it, he told me he vould visit me more often now but… did he just say that because I wanted to hear it? I don’t know.

I tried talking to him but he ignored me, I told myself Inwas not speaking to him maybe he would talk to me on his own. But a few hours after that, I asked hin something. I feel so stupid really. I broke my own word. Lord satan I’m so stupid.

My problem with this whole thing is, that I’m overthinking too much. One word and my head is making some scenarios that I don’t like. He didn’t say anything wrong but the thought that maybe there are other woman who he slept with and do this things he did to me, is killing me and I don’t know what I should feel.

I’m not eating since a few days, small portions but that’s everything. Maybe I’m not skinny enough for hin, but he did say he liked me the way i am. Maybe I’m not pretty enough? But he also said I’m fucking pretty. That he things I’m beautiful. This is so confusing. My head is making me crazy.

He will come around on his own, I don’t want to be annoying ot something. I mean, I feel like I’m an annoying brat, i don’t want to be like that. Thats why I’m the way i am. Never asking something because some day they could think I’m annoying.

Today is the wordt day of all, I cried myself to sleep the day before. I feel like shit, my head hurts, my eyes and even my throat. Maybe this is too much. I don’t know.

I was ouside the Ministry, smoking a cigarette and staring into the dark. It‘s calming. I was thinking about nothing right now and this is so much better than always thinking about him. It felt good. But this changed in an second when I heard his voice. A few hours ago I was talking to Aether about everything, I didn’t told him everything but only the funny things but they are ghouls, they could feel or smell when you’re not feeling well. Maybe he smelled it but they were walking in my direction.

Fuck! I took another drag of my cigarette and stared ahead. My thoughts are coming back now. The wordt thing about this is, that I know that I‘m no ones first choice. Always the second one or even not one. Thats the same with him, I‘m sure I’m not his first choice. That hurts the most. I want to be someone’s girst choice, I want to be selfish for once.

I closed my eyes because I knew Inwas going to cry because of this. I can’t cry they’re here. I need to stay strong. „Y/N?“ i heard his voice. Sodo… such a beautiful voice.. saying my name. „Yes?“ i asked without looking. „is everything okay?“ is he serious right now? Is he asking me this?

I didn’t say anything just stared into the darkness. He should think about what he did than maybe he knows what’s wrong with me. But he did come around. That’s one good thing. He is talking to me again.

I’m not mad at him, he has his own life, he is jusy with practice and stuff but… i just wanted to be loved by him is this too much to ask?

„Yeah… everything’s fine“ I said aftet a while, my voice was broken but I trief to sound normal. Maybe he believes it but I don’t think so. And I was right, he csme towards me, spinning me around. „You know I can smell that you’re not fine“ he told me and I inhaled deeply, smelling him again.

„Sodo… what do you think? After you kissed me goodbye, you ignored me, like I didn’t even exist. Do you know how much this hurts? I know you’re busy but sometimes I just want you to talk to me, i don’t care about what, just talk to me. i know you have other stiff do to. Maybe I’m just selfish because I want to be loved.“ i said while looking at him, not realizing my tears are running down.

„Y/N you know I’m not good with this stuff. I’m sorry for making you feel like this. This was kot my intention. i would never hurt you like this on purpose. Please…. Forgive me.“ he pleaded. I sighed deeply. I don’t know if I can. I want to but i don’t want to get hurt again. I hate that shit.

„Let’s talk about this… we find a solution I promise“ he told me, hugging me tight and st this moment, my walls broke down and everything I tried to hide, came back up. I let my tests fall, crying like there is no tomorrow. „i hate you sometimes, why are you like this? Why am i such an overthinker? Can’t i be normal?“ i asked while crying.

„I don’t want you to br normal, you sre special and i like that about you. I like your weird hair, even your hair color is something bot everyone has. It’s special. You’re special. Don’t say that you’re perfect the way you are my love“

Part 2?

[kit-williams]

Skyfall

tw: stalking, obsession, male yandere

She slipped her mask back on as she entered the bustling hive for the first time in her life. She sucked in her breath as she immediately started to text her "benefactor" though he acted like a close friend to her at this point as she knew him for so long.

Vixen: I'm going to die here. Zookeeper: No you're not. Zookeeper: Not while I'm watching over you Vixen.

She didn't know why she needed to be here of all places. So far her clients hadn't needed her to leave her planet but her keeper needed her to move. Things were moving in the background that she couldn't see but her friend had always had her back. He was there from day one since she dove into the underbelly of reality. She could see the unseen hand that pulled on normal people's lives and she originally wanted to be a hero... until the Inquisition found out about her.

It was when she was assigned Keeper. Or rather keeper unveiled that he was working for said Inquisitor that she had accidentally found. So he vouched for her.

Vixen: So is this when you're going to confess your love for me keeper? <3 Zookeeper: Har har darling you're cute but not that cute. Vixen: OOF right between my ribs. Zookeeper: You use the lock I sent you on all your bags and pockets? Vixen: *Attached is a picture of her bags and pockets* Zookeeper: Good girl. Vixen: <3 Of course. And how can you not find me cute? Zookeeper: I gave you that mask for a reason Vixen: I'm crying for real, right now. Vixen: So heartless

She smiled under her mask as she continued through the sea of people holding her bag tightly as she heads to the inn that keeper had paid for in advance. She knew she wasn't the only animal here... afterall he was called zookeeper for a reason.

Zookeeper: Awww you know I was teasing right? Vixen: So when are you going to tell me you're some dirty old Magos just flirting with me? Zookeeper: Would you care if I was? Vixen: Are you hot? Zookeeper: What if I was just rich? Vixen: Hmmmm will the sex be good? Zookeeper: I could get you any toy you want my little vixen. Vixen: I'll think about it.

She rolled her eyes heading inside to the inn and checking in as she went to the dingy room. Vixen took off her mask for a moment to run her fingers through her hair as she felt uncomfortable about working for the Inquisition but she was doing good... protecting the Imperium from the Great Enemy whoever that was.

Vixen: I might go get a drink. Zookeeper: no you wont Vixen: Okay Lord Buzzkillington Zookeeper: >_> Zookeeper: Really? Vixen: Okay better response. Why can't I get a singular drink? Zookeeper: I have to come visit tonight to leave off a packet of information. So I need you to take that sleeping pill Vixen: Oh I should wear something nice <3 Zookeeper: How about nothing at all? Vixen: I want a date first if you get to see my tits. Zookeeper: fine wear those cute night shorts... the green ones Vixen:... should I be concerned that you know what clothes I brought with me? Zookeeper: It's my job to know dear Vixen: yes and you want me to drug myself Zookeeper: Oh please if I wanted you I could list all the times I could have taken you Vixen: please dont Zookeeper: then behave Zookeeper: play your Abhuman crossing game

She pulled out the game pad as Vixen played her games like Abhuman Crossing and others until keeper told her to take the pill and go to bed. She wished him a good night after changing into her night clothes and took that pill. Sleep didn't take long to hit her.

Vixen was fully out like a light when her keeper came to visit... she didn't feel the way his fingers moved up her left calf and danced up the back of her leg reaching the swell of her ass. The appreciative hum as he kissed her shoulder and the shell of her ear. "Hello Vixen." He says softly feeling her hair against his face he shivers, "Soon my dear... soon." He says before leaving what he came to give her not before taking a trophy from her bag.

------

Zookeeper: Just get the avian burger Vixen: Why? Zookeeper: Its yummy Vixen: Have you eaten here? Zookeeper: yes. Secret love of mine

She paid the thrones as she sat down lifting her mask up eating the burger and just looking over the innocuous message that keeper had left her last night. She was meeting up with another animal under the keepers care but all that 'Collie' was doing was leading her to where she needed to collect something.

Vixen: Why me... Zookeeper: What do you mean dear? Vixen: Why me? What made me stand out? Zookeeper: Your skill Vixen: hey keeper Zookeeper: yes Vixen? Vixen: Would you tell me your name?

There was a quiet between the two of them as she waited. Vixen found out a hive wasn't so glamorous and perhaps her parents were right... to be thankful when her great great great grandparents had earned enough to leave the hive they lived on. It was dirty it was dangerous... she watched a man get mugged before some ganger just seemed to come out of nowhere and do some weird justice.

Collie was dressed up in a weird outfit and strange colors as Vixen followed them down into the lower hive. She was thankful of the complex mask that she wore as it made it bearable to breathe. Collie fully embraced their motif. As Vixen watched all the fur on them sway they wore a thick collar of it that draped over their shoulders and down their chest made of dirty white fur and golden browns. Vixen couldn't tell what gender they were but it didn't matter.

"In there. I'll be here to take you back up when you're done." Their androgenous voice spoke as Vixen nodded and went inside the small building.

It was nearly claustrophobic with the amount of papers lying around and the large cabinets but she remembers keeper's instructions and continued to the back room. The first thing vixen noticed on a side table was a sizeable tabletop miniature fully painted of a hydra.

Vixen: Keeper I'm here Vixen: Keeper?

She waited a few moments getting closer to the hydra but the drawer of the table it was on was open slightly and she saw a picture. Of her? She pulled it open and the door locked but she didn't care as it was full of dozens and dozens of pictures of her ever since she stepped foot on the hive.

Vixen: KEEPER! WHAT IS GOING ON

Her mask 'rang' and normally she wouldn't answer it as no one was to know what the communication 'number' was but she wasn't given the luxury to not answer as it answered for her.

"Hello, my little Vixen." A deep and distorted voice spoke to her.

"Who the fuck is this?!" She swallowed trying to keep her calm.

"Language sweetheart. Now your little Keeper didn't tell me you were something... divine. Do you like the hydra? You can take it since this room is most likely going up in flames after you leave."

"Are we not going to talk about the pictures?" She asked softly.

"No. I had to find out who is going to be knowing about this. Just a few pictures." The voice says sounding far too pleased, "I kept the best ones though... I doubt I would ever get tired of taking pictures of you. What do you say Vixen? After this you just let me watch you let me take my pictures..."

"Ugh you creep."

"Awww Vixen... fine. The information you want is on the table," He says as she looks around for a camera before going over to the table and looking at all the files. Vixen swallows as she sees several with the label of the Inquisition on them, "These are all the things you wanted to know Vixen. Aren't I nice? Think of me as the voice that keeper couldn't use."

Vixen looks up at the ceiling, "Are you keeper?" She says but the pause is uncomfortably long.

"No." He finally says but the pause told Vixen what was left unsaid. Either this is a persona he has put on... or this is the painful reality of who keeper is. "Look at the files some of what you need to decode what I am giving you is in them."

She opened the files and desperately looked through half censored items just feeling sweat gather on her brow. Vixen recognized some of what was in these files as things she had done. She found what she needed highlighted in teal as she continued on and on forgetting that Collie was outside. She was diving deeper and deeper into the Inquisitions dirty laundry... well the laundry of the Inquisitor she had brushed up with.

The final folder she opened up and Vixen screamed running to the other side of the room. "NO NO NO I'M NOT TOUCHING THAT LET ME OUT! OH BY THE THRONE LET ME OUT!" She screamed and desperately tried to open the door.

"Keep reading Vixen." Her on call voyeur demanded, "You have to realize what has been going on!"

"I WANT TO BE IGNORANT!"

"And let the Imperium crumble under the weight of THAT?! Vixen listen to yourself!" He snarled into her ear as she turned around with trembling legs and forced herself back over to the table.

He was right in a weird way... she didn't stop when she saw the banner of the Inquisition flash on her screen because she was trying to be a hero. She looked down at pict of two people meeting... faced blurred but that damned 8 pointed star haunted her nightmares. They were flirting with Chaos... Vixen read and read and read about secret deals... about the amount of lives that were happily traded over to them to give the Imperium what? No it wasn't even benefiting the Imperium... it was only benefiting the Inquisitor. She pulled out that last damned page.

"Vixen... my sweet little Vixen don't cry." He cooed to her as her shoulders shook and she held the pages close to her chest just feeling disgusted because of what she did... people died probably horrifying deaths. "Take the hydra with you... I made it for you."

She sniffles loudly ignoring the drawer full of pictures of her and looking at the blue, teal, and green hydra. "It's lovely." She said as she put it and the papers in her backpack.

"Yes my dear. Now I'm going to tell you something before I set this all ablaze. If he tells you his name... don't trust what it is."

"What's your name then?" She asks.

"You'll find out soon enough. I will see you soon enough Vixen. Please take care." He says with such fondness before the stops the connection and when she leaves the room the door locks back up and Vixen rushes back to Collie.

Zookeeper: Vixen? Vixen: Hey Zookeeper: Are you alright.

Vixen wondered if this was just a ploy but she still wanted to live in ignorance.

Vixen: Yeah. Will you tell me your name? Zookeeper: It's Alpharius Vixen: Alphy! Alpharius: And you wonder why I didn't want to tell you my name Alpharius: Alright head back to your room. There's a machine there hooked up and ready to go once you're done with the cypher just type it into the location and the rest will be taken care of Vixen: Okie dokie Alphy Alpharius:*Sighs* Has me telling you my name cheered you up? Vixen: Immensly Vixen: *Immensely Alpharius: Good enough for me

She did as she was told wishing Collie good luck as they only replied with a wave before heading back down to the lower hive. Vixen wouldn't hear about the explosion that happened from a room in an abandoned building catching fire she was far too busy just trying to figure out this cypher. Vixen stayed locked in that inn room for days letting keeper or Alpharius order her food.

Five days of trying to break this cypher.

Vixen: I've finally got it. Alpharius: Do not type it here. Just type it in the terminal I gave you and then wait for my instructions. A lot is going to happen in a short amount of time and I am making sure you stay alive.

Vixen knew he was serious given he texted a lot in short sentences but when he was verbose? She was trained to listen.

She looked down at the cogitator waiting for her input and she typed the code... Omegon

[loosingmoreletters]

After sending the knights to their lodgings, Aurel locked himself up in the nursery, dismissing all servants attending to his son. Lurian was so quiet and cheerful, it nearly made up for how strenuous his birth had been. Aurel could not imagine any circumstances under which he would not love his son. If this child were to ask for a star, Aurel would travel to the skies himself to deliver them.

Wrapped up in a thick blanket, Lurian sleeping soundly in his arms, Aurel wished he could rest as well. Today he was relieved from his duties, but tomorrow they have to stay preparing for the funeral and inheritance ceremony. For twelve years, Aurel had lived for this moment only, yet he felt wholly unprepared for it.

A slight knock at the door interrupted the otherwise quiet night.

“Come in.”

The door opened, revealing the woman he loved like a mother.

“My Lord,” she greeted him and bowed his neck - a sign of respect he long stopped asking her to perform, and she yet steadily executed to perfection. “I can take care of the young Master if you want to rest.”

Aurel shook his head. “I prefer keeping Lurian by my side. Have the Knights settled?”

“Yes, Sir Ahst managed everything.” His nanny paused, her expression falling. “Sir Ahst also informed me about the circumstances of the Count’s passing.”

Aurel clicked his tongue. “Father passed due to a battle injury. It is a honorable death.”

His nanny didn’t say anything in disagreement, but Aurel also got the sense that she didn’t approve. She had seen him grown up, wrapped his wounds in bandages and let him cry into her apron; she had probably hoped his father’s fate would be a different one.

“He left last words for you.”

Aurel frowned and adjust his hold on his son. “The knights didn’t report any.”

“I assume they did not want to hurt you. The Count’s last words were for Aurelia. He apologized to her.”

Aurel was glad to be sitting down.

His father had not spoken that name in a decade. Everyone knew that even just mentioning it around him would see him fly into fit of rage, Aurel most often his victim.

“What did he apologize for?” Aurel asked. “My failure to be a better son?”

His nanny closed her eyes as though in pain. “The late Count apologized for failing to be the father Aurelia needed.”

Nanny paused. “The father you needed.”

Lurian yawned and opened his eyes. The newborn blue had turned into a light purple, reminiscent of lilac blooms in summer. It was the only obvious trait Lurian had inherited from his other parent. His dark hair was just like Aurel’s, the shape of his eyebrows too if Aurel’s childhood portrait could be trusted.

“So what? Does he regret putting me in my brother’s clothes now?” Aurel asked. “Raising me in his name? Telling me to have a son in case his scheme is discovered!?”

With his one free hand, Aurel ran his fingers through his hair, thinking back to a year ago, his father’s cold voice demanding yet another heir of a child, the vulgar words spoken, giving him money to hire a good quality prostitute—

“He didn’t even care about me when I was bleeding out on child bed, only if Lurian was a boy! Why does he apologize to a girl he told me to bury—“

Lurian started to cry, surprised at Aurel’s raised voice. Guilt immediately rose within him and Aurel started soothing his son. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry.”

He didn’t mean to upset Lurian, not when he loved him so much. He wouldn’t raise Lurian the way his own father had raised Aurel.

“You do not have to forgive him, Aurel.”

Aurel looked up to his nanny, softly watching over him even as Lurian still cried.

“And even if you will, I won’t.”

“Thank you.”

His nanny smiled at him. “Do you wish for me to look after Lurian now so you can collect your thoughts? The wet nurse ought to feed him soon.”

“Would be nice if I could do it myself, wouldn’t it?” Aurel asked. It was supposed to be a joke, but it fell rather flat considering his nanny had been the one changing his bandages day and night after that particular organ was removed. They had to wait after his last growth spurt was over, which kept being delayed, a matter his father was as relieved about as annoyed.

“You can take him,” Aurel decided and carefully handed his squirming son over to his nanny. “I will go visit Lius’s grave.”

His nanny inclined her head again. “As you wish.”

“Thank you, Nanny.” Aurel’s gaze lingered on Lurian. “Behave for nanny.”

His nanny feigned outrage. “The young master is the most well-behaved boy in the land. Very different from how you and your brother used to be.”

Aurel grinned. “That isn’t particularly difficult.”

And even if Lurian were the most troublesome child on the continent, Aurel would still love him wholeheartedly.

[wavesoutbeingtossed]

fave red lyrics (For it's OG anniversary)?

Ooooh again, how does one choose?

So you were never a saint and I've loved in shades of wrong/We learn to live with the pain, mosaic broken hearts

I'll do anything you say if you say it with your hands

All we are is skin and bone trained to get along/ Forever going with the flow but you're friction

Maybe we got lost in translation, maybe I asked for too much, but maybe this thing was a masterpiece 'til you tore it all up

Time won't fly, it's like I'm paralyzed by it, I'd like to be my old self again but I'm still trying to find it

After plaid shirt days and nights when you made me your own, now you mail back my things and I walk home alone/But you keep my old scarf from that very first week, 'cause it reminds you of innocence and it smells like me

It's been occurring to me I'd like to hang out with you for my whole life

This is the last time I'm asking you this: put my name at the top of your list/This is the last time I'm asking you why you break my heart in the blink of an eye

Back when you fit in my poems like a perfect rhyme

We blocked the noise with the sound of "I need you" and for the first time I had something to lose

And I guess we fell apart in the usual way and the story's got dust on every page/ But sometimes I wonder how you think about it now and I see your face in every crowd

Tonight I'm gonna dance for all that we've been through but I don't wanna dance if I'm not dancing with you

Good girls, hopeful they'll be and long they will wait

You've got your demons, and, darling they all look like me

Now it's big black cars, and Riviera views and your lover in the foyer doesn't even know you

So dust off your highest hopes

And I know why we had to say goodbye like the back of my hand but I just miss you, and I just wish you were a better man

Push my love away like it was some kind of loaded gun/Oh, you never thought I'd run

Lord, what will become of me once I've lost my novelty?

She'll know the way and then she'll say she got the map from me/I'll say I'm happy for her then I'll cry myself to sleep

I don't have to be your shrink to know that you'll never be happy

You kept me like a secret, but I kept you like an oath

They say all's well that ends well, but I'm in a new hell every time you double-cross my mind

From when your Brooklyn broke my skin and bones, I'm a soldier who's returning half her weight

And did the twin flame bruise paint you blue? Just between us, did the love affair maim you, too?/ 'Cause in this city's barren cold I still remember the first fall of snow and how it glistened as it fell