#good grief help me
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baldgirl212 · 2 months ago
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SUCH A QUEEN SUCH A WONDERFUL WOMAN MY FAVOURITE WRITER FOR LIFE. it’s very early where you are though snow white, if you’re seeing this please take care of yourself!
BSD MEN x their first time meeting their darlings
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Characters: Fyodor Dostoevsky, Dazai Osamu, Nakahara Chuuya, Nikolai Gogol, Akutagawa Ryuunosuke
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Fyodor Dostoevsky
You and Fyodor met at the museum.
He noticed you from a distance, intrigued by your beauty as you stood before a painting for longer than most would.
Drawn by an irresistible curiosity, he approached you to hear your thoughts on the artwork.
To him, you resembled a beautiful doll, exquisite and delicate, with a mind that radiated compassion toward his complex moral code and a heart that was both truthful and sincere.
Your gentle smile captivated him, sparking an interest that went beyond mere admiration; it stirred something deeper within him.
The full scenario is HERE
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Dazai Osamu
You met Dazai either in his Port Mafia or in his Armed Detective Agency era. I will go with the second option, because PM!Dazai is more complicated.
Dazai encountered you on the beach at dawn.
It had been another sleepless night for him, and he was wandering aimlessly, as he often did after consuming alcohol without a care for the consequences.
The cool sea breeze tousled his hair, and the rhythmic sound of the waves crashing against the shore provided a stark contrast to the chaos in his mind.
Thinking the fresh air would help ease his slight headache, he walked at a slow pace, allowing the serenity of the beach to wash over him.
Scenario
As he wandered, he spotted a bench facing the beautiful water, where the dawn reflected brilliantly like molten gold. Without a moment's hesitation, he settled onto the bench, feeling the rough wood beneath him as he gazed at the horizon.
The sun began to rise, casting warm hues of orange and pink across the sky, but even that beauty couldn't quite pull him from the fog of his thoughts.
He yawned, a weary reminder of yet another night spent in restless contemplation, unable to escape the burdens that always seemed to find him.
A few moments later, someone sat beside him on the other side of the bench. His eyes widened in surprise as he turned to see you, a soft smile gracing your lips, almost apologetically.
The way the morning light played with your features was mesmerising, and for a fleeting moment, Dazai forgot the weight of his troubles.
Your gentle, melodic voice cut through the sound of the waves and reached his ears, wrapping around him like a warm embrace. "I hope it's okay for me to sit here? I also came to watch the sunrise."
The sunrise cascaded across your angelic smile, illuminating your hair as if each strand were made of stardust.
Dazai felt an unfamiliar flutter in his chest, a sensation he hadn't expected. He studied you, taking in the delicate way your eyes sparkled with the early light, and the calmness that radiated from your presence.
It was as if you were a breath of fresh air amidst the heaviness that often surrounded him.
"Of course," he replied, a hint of a smile breaking through his usually stoic demeanor. "I can't say I mind the company of such a beautiful young lady, especially at a moment like this."
You smiled, but didn’t answer.
As you both sat in silence, watching the sun rise higher into the sky, Dazai's mind raced.
The tranquility of the moment was refreshing, and he felt drawn to you in a way that was both thrilling and unsettling.
He was self-aware enough to know that this was no simple attraction he was feeling; it was something deeper, something he didn't quite know how to handle.
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Nakahara Chuuya
Chuuya likely knows you either from his childhood—perhaps through the sheep—or your family has loose ties to the Port Mafia, and you happen to cross paths by chance.
I prefer the second option because it excites me more and is easier to write. (I’m really excited about this and want to write a full story with various chapters, but unfortunately, I have too many requests to finish right now.)
You know those Wattpad stories where the main character's dad has ties to the mafia, deeply indebted?
One day, the handsome mafia boss appears out of nowhere, demanding the money back—or worse, the daughter of the man. Well, this is not how Chuuya operates. He is a gentleman, after all.
Due to certain circumstances, instead of Akutagawa, Chuuya—the mafia executive himself—takes on the mission to collect the debt.
The jewelry mart of the mafia is under his care, and he decides to handle the matter personally this time.
It's a rare move for him, but something about the situation tugs at his instincts.
He circles your house, a sleek black car parked discreetly down the street, as he assesses the scene with a discerning eye.
The neighborhood is quiet, almost too quiet, and he can't shake the feeling that something is off.
The thought of confronting someone who owes the mafia money doesn't faze him, but he feels a sense of responsibility creeping in.
He pushes the thought aside; his focus is on the task at hand.
Storming in with a show of force, Chuuya enters your home, flanked by eight other men meant to intimidate.
But everyone knows that Nakahara Chuuya is a one-man army.
Scenario
The tension in the air is palpable as he strides toward your father, who stands pale and trembling.
Without hesitation, he forcefully pushes your father to the pavement, making him bite the concrete.
"You've made a grave mistake," Chuuya growls, the weight of authority lacing his words.
Your father stammers, trying to explain himself, but the panic in his eyes only fuels Chuuya's anger.
As Chuuya raises his gun, ready to make an example of your father, a pleading voice interrupts him.
You, a young woman, are being held back as you desperately try to reach your father.
"Please, don't!" you cry, your voice breaking.
Your teary eyes strike right through his heart, leaving him momentarily dumbfounded. Here's someone ready to sacrifice herself for her family.
You.
In that instant, he feels something shift within him—a stirring he hasn't experienced before. He doesn't understand what is happening; he can swear he's never felt this way before, and it unnerves him.
"Who are you?" he asks, trying to mask his confusion behind a façade of coldness.
"I'm his daughter! Please let him go! Take me! Take me instead!"
Your words are infused with desperation and bravery, resonating deep within him.
Everything else—the chaos, the noise—fades into silence. He is entirely focused on you, captivated by your beauty and your courage.
Chuuya can't help but admire your spirit. You're not begging for mercy out of fear; you're standing tall in the face of danger, ready to take your father's place. It strikes him as both foolish and incredibly brave. The dichotomy fascinates him.
As he lowers his gun, the gravity of the situation begins to weigh on him. He looks at your father, then back to you, and realizes he doesn't want to be the monster in this story. Not before your eyes, at least. Not now.
"Enough," he says, his voice steady but softer than before.
He knows he doesn’t need to be doing this. He can take the debt in more than one way. He has many options, but he chose this one because it was the quickest. However…things changed.
Without a second thought, he lowers his weapon and releases your father, taking a step back. The shock in your father's eyes mirrors the confusion swirling in Chuuya's mind, but he knows he's made the right choice.
As you rush to your father's side, Chuuya feels an unfamiliar warmth spreading through him. You’re so…mesmerising.
The way you move, the way you talk, the way you cry…he could stand there and watch you for hours, maybe even days. In fact, he felt like he could watch you for all eternity.
He tries to shake this weird feeling off.
"Consider this your lucky day," he adds, turning on his heel, his heart pounding in his chest. "But next time, you won't be so fortunate."
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Nikolai Gogol
He either encountered you during a mission, where you were merely an unusual target that intrigued him, or he met you before he joined the Decay of the Angels.
For the narrative, I would lean towards the idea that "he met you on a mission where you were an odd prey."
For Nikolai to become interested in someone (be it romantically or platonically), he would need to sense a connection between the intricacies of his mind and your understanding of this complex moral system.
You were likely an unassuming office worker, perhaps even a part-timer, blissfully unaware of the corruption that plagued your workplace and why it could become a target for a terror attack.
How naive of you.
When he sees your innocent, almost silly face, he would smile, a glint of mischief in his eyes as he prepares to do something whimsical.
Scenario
Nikolai approached you, flashing his trademark grin—one that held a hint of danger mixed with playful charm.
"QUIZ TIIIME!!! Guess what I'm about to do to youuuu, little dove?!—“
He moves forward, his nose almost touching your cheek. His theatrical chuckle echoes through the halls left behind.
The floors are covered with blood and shards of glass, and you’re the only one remaining alive—together with this madman.
“—Yes indeedy! I'll make you feel free like a true bird! Free from everything! I’ll free you from the cage of your emotions, so that you can live as a credit to our race, a truly free homo sapiens!!"
His voice danced with mischief as he leaned against the doorframe, tugging slightly at the ropes bound around your wrists.
"P-please..." you stammered, the tremor in your voice betraying your anxiety. He ignores your quiet plea.
"Do you happen to like birds, little dove?" he asked, tilting his head slightly. Your startled expression was delightful to him.
You nod, and he follows up with, "Why is that?"
You have no idea what this strange clown wants from you. The only thing you want now is to flee—to run away, to go home, to survive. You’re not sure how you’re going to reach that goal, but you’re willing to do anything.
That’s why you start making up excuses to occupy him with your chatter for as long as possible. You’re hoping to get rescued… or at least to receive his mercy.
"Some birds are free in that sense, while others are made to remain in their cages…"
Nikolai leaned closer, intrigued by your perspective, his whole presence threatening every fibre of your being.
"So you believe that some birds are meant to be clipped, little dove?"
"N-no," you replied, trying to steady your voice despite the flutter of panic in your chest. "They are meant to be free. But even if the bird is free to go wherever it wishes, freedom is nothing but an illusion.—“
You were scared, and you didn’t know if what you were doing was the right thing to do in this situation. Your voice trembled.
“—Because even if the bird is freed from its cage, it won’t be truly free to go wherever it wishes. The laws of nature still apply—it can’t abandon its flock.”
Your heart raced, and you felt exposed, as if you were revealing too much of your own fear. His unnerving heterochromic eyes scare you, you're trying to make something up, to avoid his gaze.
"—A bird that has never known freedom won't long for it; it is simply content with its cage and the comfortable life it provides—“
You aren’t sure if this is working, but he isn’t hurting you, and he’s certainly listening. You gasp as he tugs at the ropes again, speaking in his usual whimsical manner.
“Can you think of any reason why a bird born in a cage would crave freedom? A reason for the bird to detest its own—“
He giggles.
“…’comfortable’ cage?”
“I…I don’t see a reason for that to happen…unless that comfort turns into terror—"
His façade seems to crumble for a moment. Your voice wavers, the weight of his gaze amplifying your anxiety.
"—unless the bird has been abused in its very cage, sir..."
He stepped back, contemplating your words. The thought was foreign, yet it resonated with an undeniable truth.
Too real.
It felt way too real for him.
"You're quite insightful for someone so naive.”
"Please... just let me go," you whispered, your heart pounding.
He giggles again. It’s just one of the many unnerving qualities he possesses, as you recognize.
"I can't do that," he said softly, his tone shifting. "But I can promise you this—your voice matters to me now, little dove."
"After all," he added, his grin returning with a hint of mischief, "what fun would it be to let you go without revealing some of my tricks first? Riiiight??!!"
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Akutagawa Ryuunosuke
He either met you during a pivotal, life-altering event, like when he was gravely wounded (edgy and intimate), or in a more everyday setting, like a grocery store or shopping mall (wholesome and adorable). I’ll go with the second option, just as you’ve chosen.
He coughs as he takes the shopping bags into his hand, nothing more than some snacks placed inside.
He feels particularly weak today, and he knows it’s best if he returns to a safe space.
It’s time to go home.
As he walks, his thoughts swirl with a familiar frustration.
Weakness gnaws at him, contradicting everything he knows he needs to know—survival of the fittest, strength above all.
He can’t even enjoy something as simple as crisps without feeling the sting of inadequacy, a reminder that he constantly strives to prove himself strong despite the frailty he sometimes feels.
However, a certain someone might change this mindset of his at some point. It’s you.
Scenario
“Excuse me!”
The soft voice cuts through his thoughts, and he turns around, annoyance bubbling to the surface.
He dislikes attention, especially in public spaces. It serves no purpose, and as a mafioso, he values his ability to blend in, to move through the world unnoticed. Drawing any kind of attention to himself, especially when he feels vulnerable, is the last thing he wants.
He scans the area, irritation rising when he realizes there’s no one in sight. His first thought is that he’s hallucinating—another sign that he needs to retreat to his quarters before the nausea overwhelms him.
But then, out of nowhere, you appear. Right in front of him.
His eyes widen slightly, just enough to betray his surprise.
His shock is mild but undeniable as he takes in the sight of you, someone warm and inviting, standing confidently before him. What could someone like you possibly want from him?
Akutagawa’s gaze flickers over you, searching for a reason, a threat, something to explain why you’re in his path. The unfamiliarity of the encounter makes him uncomfortable, and his guard instinctively rises.
“You dropped this…”
Your voice, kind and genuine, takes him off guard for the second time. Two moments of confusion in a single encounter—he’s already feeling off balance.
It would be a sight to behold had you known who he truly was—one of Yokohama’s most feared mafiosos.
You’re holding out his handkerchief. The one he uses to cough into.
His gaze shifts to the cloth in your hand, then back to your face. The urge to dismiss you rises quickly, but as he looks away, something unexpected happens.
Your eyes meet his. His cold, grey stare, which normally repels others or leaves them frozen, meets your gaze, and for a brief moment, something inside him stirs. The sensation is strange—something between discomfort and intrigue—as if, for just a second, he sees you differently. Not just as a stranger, but as something… more.
He’s not used to this. The feeling tingles at the edges of his awareness, unsettling and foreign, making him question what it is about you that sparked this unfamiliar warmth in his chest. In that instant, he feels the weight of his ideals—the relentless pursuit of strength and dominance—shift slightly, as though something in him yearns for connection despite the ferocity with which he clings to his principles.
Akutagawa hesitates, caught off guard by the genuine kindness radiating from you. He can feel the knot in his chest tightening as he grapples with the implications of your presence.
He clears his throat, attempting to regain his composure. “… Thanks,” he mutters, his voice low and rough, barely above a whisper.
The handkerchief hangs awkwardly between you, and he feels a surge of irritation at the vulnerability it represents.
You smile at his gratitude, and he can’t help but find the expression both refreshing and irritating.
“You didn’t have to bother. It’s nothing important.”
You tilt your head to the side. What could he mean? Nothing important as in ‘just a handkerchief’? It looked expensive. It definitely didn’t look like something you’d throw away after using it once.
“I wanted to,” you reply, your tone light and genuine. “I couldn’t just leave it there.”
He narrows his eyes, instinctively defensive. “Most people wouldn’t bother,” he retorts, his annoyance flaring up.
Oh, he wasn’t trying to blend in at all. He was being impolite.“They don’t care about things that don’t concern them.”
Your gaze wavers slightly, making him feel uncomfortable, which catches him off guard.
“But I do care. Sometimes, it’s the little things that matter.”
He scoffs, an edge to his voice. He mumbles, ready to leave any moment. “Little things? They mean nothing.”
You either survive or you don’t.—Is what he told himself. He recognised that he stepped out of the line. The nausea surely wasn’t helping him.
“Maybe,” you say, unfazed, “but that doesn’t mean we have to give in to that. We can choose to be different.”
Akutagawa’s chest tightens at your words. What were you yapping about? Like that stupid weretiger. He shifts his weight, irritation bubbling beneath the surface.
“You think you can change anything?” he asks, skepticism lacing his tone. He wants to leave. Your presence is making him feel uncomfortable.
“I believe we can,” you answer, your conviction steady. “Even if it’s just for one person at a time.”
His heart races, battling against his instinct to retreat into his shell. He studies you, trying to dissect your motivations, to find the weakness in your resolve.
“And you think you’re that person?” he challenges, his eyes cold.
“Why not?” you reply, meeting his gaze head-on. “If you’re open to it.”
His cheeks flush slightly. He feels an unexpected pull toward you, and he knows that he needs to leave. Now.
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blkkizzat · 3 months ago
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now y'all know i had to make my sweet bby gyal show a lil' turbulence...
✨*me continuing to be the change i want to see*✨
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again, free to use, no need to credit. just REBLOG 💕 and don't say you made it.
see my toji one here.
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cacaocheri · 7 months ago
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we both deserve to be happy
in case anyone is wondering, it gets easier. it gets so so much easier and i hope you find the love you're looking for
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onfuryroad · 4 months ago
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rereading @icaruspendragon ‘s poetry book and my whole camera roll is full of passages to think about and show my therapist, since her words are helping me with my words
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shepscapades · 4 months ago
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Why does Ren have 4 ears? Are they all real or is one set fake?
Hehe I’ve gotten this question a lot actually! They’re all real— I like to think hybridization isn’t always a clean balance of traits, so Ren just unfortunately ended up with two sets of ears— his Dog ears being much more receptive to sound, naturally— and sometimes when the extra intake of sound is too overwhelming, I imagine he wears earplugs in his human ears to help adjust :> it’s a bit weird, but idk! i like to make designs funky and nonconventional! I liked the idea that Ren had hearing struggles due to wonky hybridization and just kept the concept :>
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feelbetterlove-books · 2 months ago
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Even when you have a hard day just remember, Bucktommy "has anyone ever told you you're a vision in a cone?" will always be there. Tommy Kinard looked at his adorable boyfriend with a silly party hat on and thought Evan, you're beautiful, you're stunning, you're ravishing, you're a sight for sore eyes. I could never get tired of looking at you. I cherish you. There's nowhere I'd rather be than behind this couch at your side. And he was so real for that.
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reasonsforhope · 1 year ago
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I can't take the state of the world anymore, every day things constantly get worse and there's literally nothing we can do. Every time things get better they're immediately undone by forces more powerful than us. I just want things to go back to the way they were before when it felt like there was hope, now it feels like humanity is doomed and will never, ever get better. I just want to die so I can finally know peace from this evil.
Hey. I'm really, really sorry you're having such a hard time. That sounds like an incredibly painful headspace to be in.
Please find someone you can talk to and who can help you - whether that's a peer counselor or a good friend or a trained mental health professional. Especially a trained mental health professional, if you can. You can find a really thorough list of crisis hotlines listed by country here.
Also, I realllllly recommend getting off any websites or social media that are contributing to you feeling like this, or at least block all the people/tags posting things that are making you feel like this. Negativity bias is real - the news/internet doesn't accurately reflect the world and neither does the way your brain perceives it
In the meantime, a few quick words/facts of comfort. I hope they can give you at least some reassurance or solace.
We literally have more reason to hope we can solve climate change than ever before x
Starting about six months ago, major international energy reports have come out for the first time showing that we have a visible, concrete path to staying under 1.5 degrees celsius x
Twenty, even ten years ago, scientists talked about whether we could possibly manage to limit global warming to 4 or 5 degrees Celsius. Now, those numbers aren't even on the map - we're talking 1.5 or 2 degrees Celsius. We've cut expected warming in half in under a decade x
Renewable energy is growing so exponentially it's now "unstoppable" x
Two hundred years ago, in 1800, there wasn't a single "liberal democracy" - a democracy that gives all citizens the right to vote - on the planet. Just over one hundred years ago, in 1900, there were five of them. Today, roughly half the countries (aka roughly 100) on the planet fall into this category. International politics is so often two steps forward, one step back, but this is actually an astonishing pace of progress in the grand scheme of things x
For all of human history, until just over 200 years ago, roughly half of all children died. Across times, across cultures. Half of all children died by the age of 15. Half of them. Today, globally, that same child mortality rate is only 4%. We did that. We changed what was previously an eternal, inescapable, and horrific condition of human existence, and we are going to keep making that rate go down x
Two steps forward, one step back, is still moving forward. There are so, so, so many reasons that we are not already doomed. There are so many reasons to think the future is going to be bright
To anyone struggling with thoughts like this: please, please give yourself the chance to see it
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anxiousapplepie · 8 days ago
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Had an idea about the travelers's fears if you are willing to hear me out about.
All "travelers" have the feeling of "it's over when you reach the end" but for different reasons.
For Sif, he has no home or memories to return to. Hence why Mal Du Pays takes the form of Siffrin in the game over screen.
For Bonnie, their relationship with Nille is in the gutter due to their last words and fear of not having her or anything to return to.
For Isabeua, who travels to find his idenity, and distance himself from his past, the party acts as his "rock" with fear of crumbling once it ends.
For Odile, who travels becuse of her mixed heritage, having a "family" she would do anything to keep safe yet never admit it her fears.
For Mirabelle, who struggles with her innability to "change", having stability and life injected thanks to the party yet anxious for it ending as with it over, she'll go back to her own quest to change with little effort. Just stuck in rot.
Anyways. Hope these ideas help! I've read more than a few other AU as well as the script itself, so these ideas are mainly more of a base. Adding new wrinkles or changing issues enough to make sense is fun. And the idea your SwapAUs all coming together for some ungodly reason to partaking in angst and time loop shenanigans is enjoyable to me.
literally rotated every single one of these ideas in my mind all day yesterday and I was trying to think of any cool or interesting insight to add to this, but honestly you've summed up everything I'm trying to go for and I'm raising my non-existent beer glass at you for all of these nicely packaged vibes You seeing this, people? Now you have!!!
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kacievvbbbb · 3 months ago
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Look I like Roger enough, I understand what he represents and I generally don’t think he was a bad dude. I do however think he was shit at interpersonal relationships because, what the fuck. Whitebeards crew is infinitely more well adjusted and I’d say he arguably had the more traumatic death.
Like what even, what kind of planning leads a 53 year old man to sire a child knowing he is dying of an incurable illness and is about to turn himself in to be excuted by the marines where he will cause so much chaos it is literally still turning the world on its head 22 years later. He knew he was going to cause so much of a stir that he literally disbanded his crew and told them to spread far and wide to keep them safe. Because he knew the marines would hunt them far and wide But yet he still brought a baby into the world. Babe. What the fuck? What even is that? What was the thought process. I sincerely hope it was an accident and not a deliberate attempt to bring about a new era.
Because if so babe I need to see the recipe or I’m afraid we can never let you cook again
#even tho that baby was ace and I love ace#it’s the way I don’t think there is a single former member of his crew that we’ve seen that I would say is currently happy#like don’t get me wrong I respect his will he seems like a great dude#but you know what they say about great men they’re often not good men#like definition he burned to bright he couldn’t help but leave all his loved ones in the dust as he burned himself out on a fiery explosion#the absentee father vibes are strong with this one#I would argue that he gave all 3 of his sons complexes#fucking ace has such terrible self worth issues and lived his life waiting to die.#shanks is also trying to drink himself to death is so chill it is literaly hazardous to his health and had his dreams arrested at 15#and Buggy is the worst case of forgotten child syndrome and arrested development that I have ever seen#I wouldn't say someone like Marco is currently happy but you can definetly see a future where he is after the grief settles a little more#but it’s been 22 years and Rayleigh is still drinking himself into a stupor and waiting for the second coming of his captain#gol d roger#portagas d. ace#gol d. roger#roger pirates#whitebeard pirates#throwing thoughts to the void#one piece#op#one piece thoughts#one piece meta#I know people like to paint his as this mastermind that practically orchestrated the current happenings in canon#but I think they forget just how much that would make him a giant asshole. pulling the strings of peoples lives#which is such anthesis to everything we know about him and his resemblance with luffy he’s never try to control his crews lives#especially not from beyond the grave#I genuinely think he planned none of it he was just a man trying his best and falling short in some areas#shanks#silvers rayleigh
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naamahdarling · 7 days ago
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skyloftian-nutcase · 4 months ago
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Me, rubbing my forehead exasperatedly: There's no plot. Zellie: Well, I am trying to plan out the trip? Zel: I'm getting lessons, we could focus on that. Me: NO. Everyone wants to see the road trip. We have to get the plot moving. Cloud: Uhhh, what is the plot? Me: I DON'T KNOW THAT'S THE PROBLEM Revali: We all know it'll be better once I get involved, anyway. Me: Yeah, and??? Am I supposed to just... write about you guys walking down the road together?? I NEED A PLOT. Mipha: Well, isn't the road trip itself the plot, though? The adventure of everyone interacting together while seeing the land of Hyrule? Me: I don't want to write about all the scenery of Hyrule! I can't write road trips! Daruk: Um, didn't you write yourself into this, though? Me: YES. I KNOW. THANKS DARUK. I can't even take my beloved emotional support blorbo because he managed to weasel his way out of it!! >:( *glares at Abel* Abel: THIS IS WHAT YOU GET FOR WHAT YOU DID TO ME IN BLOOD OF THE HERO
...Did I happen to mention that writing Breath of the Sky is a struggle
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lunarharp · 1 year ago
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unnecessarily rated and ranked kitchen of witch hat volume 1 moments on silly gay madness
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goobygnarp · 8 months ago
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#good grief im gettin a lil tired of seeing 'DONT DO THIS' kinda art videos#i very much understand its a youtube thing and that clickbait names and thumbs get the views and attention needed#but it doesnt mean it doesnt annoy me or that I cant be annoyed by it#sometimes i just see it in tutorial pictures too#but the large DONTS with red Xs near the supposed ''wrong'' way of drawing is so demotivating#people start and draw in many ways than one#its what makes art their own#but when videos or tutorial posts are made and show the ''WRONG'' way to go about it#its like scolding the new artist or long time artist with that style that they're doing it wrong and that its bad#no matter the intention its not the way to go about helping artists learn to draw#and in my personal opinion#the click bait ''DONT DO THIS WHEN DRAWING'' thing is what keeps me from actually watching the vids#i get theyre probably helpful but i don't like that I have to feel some NEED or DESIRE to click on a vid cause I feel like I did a thing#wrong or that i never should have done it at all#i wish i could see more 'here are some tips that helped me#kinda vids cause yes i would love to learn what helped you rather than being or feeling wronged for drawing in a way that isn't theirs#im rambling but i have been seeing a lot of 'DONT DO THIS' NEVER DO THIS' 'IF YOURE DOING THIS STOP NOW' kinda art vids#im speakin for myself here#but im an artist sifting through art youtube or spaces always willing to learn new ways of improving my art#i dont need to feel click baited like the next 3am don't this kid to learn how to improve my inking skills#if it was more a 'this is my personal preference and I wanna share it with my audience and maybe teach some things' kinda vid#id watch that too#but im just so tired of seeing art youtube going down this need to tell folks 'YOURE DOING IT ALL WRONG. THIS IS THE RIGHT WAY"
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skunkes · 6 months ago
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if life is categorized by Before Loss and After Loss then I exist in the before but with a countdown to the after. and the countdown is always always present and debilitating. the loss will be debilitating too but i cant help myself. i will always suffer twice.
#i cant let go of it. i cant even enjoy good moments without thinking about how they'll just be memories one day#how they're already memories since moments pass so fast#everything is I'll Miss This and i already miss it and i cant believe once you're gone you're gone forever#and ill never ever see you again. and your shell is in the ground but where did the rest of you go?#should i look at your body one last time? on one hand itll be the last time i see you.#on the other hand it will be the last time i see you.#and the memory of you will die with me too. as if neither ever existed#it impacts me so much too bc i dont feel close to anybody really...and i dont make friends easily#so whats going to happen when the people who have always been there arent there anymore?#im going to be alone for so much of my life.#i will record your voice so im ready for when i cant hear it from the source while also knowing it wont be enough and one day#ill be wishing it lasted longer. it could be 12 hours long and ill want more.#how do you surpass this? it hasn't even happened. when it happens i don't know what ill do. considering my whole life has been#the timer. the countdown. hours and hours of anticipatory grief#and then ill be next. me. some of all thats left of you. it cant be true.#sorry. this gets worse every single year and its been going insane lately#id surprisingly been managing it well for months somehow ! it wouldnt cross my mind...and now its there again#like it accumulated and its all coming out right now. ive been crying for hrs tonight and last night#one day his things will just be things. things ive made and given him will be in my hands again.#talkys#i want to go hug my dad but then ill just cry over how one day i wont be able to....! how do i store it? how do i save it?#how do i preserve it forever....even as i take my own last breath....#i cant believe im the only one of me. and my dad is the only one of him.#i wouldnt want to be reborn as anyone else. i cant believe one day i wont get to draw or eat or be comfy in bed anymore.#i cant take it !! im so scared. ill be scared until the end. and you wont be there to hold my hand. im going to be alone.#and none of those years of grief and joy and memories will matter.#i wonder if it would help to tell him about this. i need something to hold onto for when it happens. anything. but i also know it'll make i#hurt more; obviously. just another piece of him that'll be gone one day
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cocoa-coated-fish · 12 days ago
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Been thinking a lot recently about the beginning of the pandemic. How uniquely terrible the world seemed. But how everyone I knew (and didn't know) came together to make it better. To care for each other. To keep one another safe.
I think about it and remember we have proven ourselves capable of all these things. We have come together before.
I think about the election and know I am uniquely privileged. I am well-off. I am white. I live in a very liberal city.
I think about the election and still feel like the world is ending. Everything I know has ended.
But I can still keep doing the same things I've always done. I still wake up. I still go to work. I still reach out to people. Try to offer comfort, love, support. Look out for my friends. Offer to grab food for people who are sick. Make sure people aren't struggling alone however I can.
These are the things I can do right now. These are things you can do right now. Things you probably are doing. And they do mean something.
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chaos-potat · 2 months ago
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I still find it funny how a pr*shipper called me an anti as if it was a negative thing to dislike ships that are problematic, y'all know the "pro" in "proship" stands for problematic, right? <-(probably a false statement but that's how I've heard it)
I'm not usually a hater but like, they came to my post (one where I said "I take shipping rise April with the turtles as inc*st since she's depicted as their sister and is even referred to as family by Karai") and told me that I'm crazy for saying that shipping people who call each other family makes me sick???
My brother in Christ, it wasn't a debate, it was a boundary, and you're added to my blocklist
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