#gonna try to lock in for once
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sorry I got distracted (6/11)
#noco family au#total drama#An Unwanted Replacement (OMG! Two Codies!!!)#total drama cody#total drama noah#total drama noco#total drama mike#total drama dave#total drama raj#gonna try to lock in for once
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THERE AIN'T NO ATLAS, KID. NEVER WAS.
if you peel him back far enough, there's nothing but a pile of theater masks
like, it's really fun how fontaine starts spiralling out the closer jack gets to him in the final arc of the game and returns to appropriating the image of family (the fake family in the beginning, the flawed father position later) to try and appeal to jack in some way but it's like. buddy. baby. you already took off your mask. anything you try and put on after this is going to come across as cheap and desperate. the magic is gone! and personally? I'm hooting and hollering
猸惵爌laces I鈥檓 at!聽bsky聽/聽pixiv聽/聽pillowfort聽/cohost聽/聽cara.app / insta
#like it's SOOOOOOO funny how he tries to pull the family angle again especially because he's sort of mimicking ryan#by trying to appropriate the father role over jack (the role of father being one of control#which. so you know how the fascist state works. right. if i start talking about roman history and the father of the state thing#will i start to lose people. im gonna do it anyway. SO-- [i am forcibly removed from the podium])#esp bc it's like. fontaine did the locks and keys for jack's mind but it's suchong we hear jack address with a familial term in#a recording. which is also. very. aughghgh. because we know what kind of person suchong is! (supernatural voice) family is hell#(not supernatural voice) you can choose to break the chains tho#i know i keep talking about the absolutely batshit family themes going on in bioshock esp w/ fontaine's father appropriation#but it's because the game has so much fascist dialogue coming out of ryan at full blast it would be EGREGIOUS not to think about it#i have some weird comic about intimacy via radios because it's enough of an immersive sim that i started thinking thoughts#about how I felt about the voice on the radio. and also. uhhhhhhhhhhhh. lobotomies.#(unsurprisingly I once had a jack/atlas-fontaine phase lmao)#bioshock#frank fontaine
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Have to try for Alecto now. This Barbie is gonna stab God.
#She's gonna need some work but First try#art#the locked tomb#tlt#Alecto#alecto the first#Definitely need to make her more mad#and more eldritch being than barbie girl#Once I get my vibe for Alecto and Anastasia down it's over for you fuckers#alecto the ninth
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If you were to like redesign Magneto's classic outfit in a way that both suits the character and your own tastes, how would you redesign it?
uhhhh errrmmmmm i dont know i really couldnt improve upon perfection but i have still tried for you my friend !!!
#xmen#xmen comics#magneto#erik lehnsherr#max eisenhardt#erik magnus lensherr#like ig fc erik there too but only if you squint Generally Speaking this aint about him#snap sketches#i thought this was gonna be a quick thing but then As I Do i sat and thought about it for too long#and for what. my end result isn't that different from the beginning !! tragic .#out of these i think. it MAY be obvious i like the far right one#once i remembered I Do In Fact love megaman i locked in cause everytime i draw Classic Magneto all i think of is megaman#cant even make a magnetman joke that mfer already exists and he from my FAVORITE classic megaman title tyvm#anyway. should i explain my reasoning now. man i guess i can try#i couldnt tho is the thing- at least for the first set i really was just ickin around and seeing what i Might like#evidently it was nothing LMAO i told yall i cant improve perfection ... so i just. Smash Bros'd his classic look#With some tearing on the cape cause i said so ............#at most- with the furthermost right bit- i just wanted to emphasize a feeling of 'power' hence the chunkier boots + gloves#with the first look i tried that angle with showing some arm skin buuuuttt i dont like it ...#i think the sleeveless look really only works if the outfit's black idk i cant explain it#overall the first design i tried just feels too sleek for my liking if i wanted to go for a 'power' approach#i like the 'M' i did with the legs at least. i really wanted to incorporate an M in case it wasnt clear but alas ...#tbh i might steal the boots/gloves/underwear design from myself when i draw classic magneto regularly. SHRUG we'll see#as for now i am very sleepy and i have class in the morning and i want to do some work Before Class#very cool but very sad i dont have my third class today :( its my fave class :( at least i get more time to work#and the more work i get done the more time i get to draw the sillies !!! epic ...#anyways. good night everyone !!!!!!! talk to yall tomorrow ..... probably ... or later ig technically... i should sleep earlier <- wont
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n e way since i was very brave today i think everybody should gift me davy/lucy fics where everything is beautiful and nothing hurts. as a little treat :)
#no but really i wanna be working on Hiraeth (my davy/lucy seventh year fic) sO BAD RIGHT NOW but i can't bc#1 - i'm trying to finish a snowbaz oneshot that's giving me way more trouble than its 2.7k word ass is worth#2- i wanna finish Amadeus (davy & simon third year fic)#(it's not very long but i'm fighting for my fucking life trying to come up w dark creature names for this fic)#3 - i wanna finish Roots bc i'm gonna gift it to Heath (hi heath) but won't have time to work on it once cobb shit starts#4 - i wanna finish the outline for my cobb fic before claims#5 - i'm locked in on my The Mage's Heir au and trying to finish a massive art project for it#so in other words: i hAVE NO TIME FOR HIRAETH. BUT I'M NOT HAPPY ABOUT IT. I MISS THEM I MISS THEM I MISS THEM I MISS THEM#(i know i have two months between now and pairs going live btw. but this is a LOT of work for me! i'm very slow!)#valen and the villain#鉀堬笍 temp post
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guys can everyone hold my hand
#aristotle.txt#im skipping recitation once more which i dont think i should do but I have two work meetings so i do not feel compelled to go#im gonna try to lock in this weekend so i can free up some time this week#so that i can chill out for the next few weeks and just study
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me having gone to bed at 6 am every day for the past week and generally spiraling mentally while rotting in bed waking up this morning: a 4 mile hike in the heat is a really good idea right now, and while we're at it let's start like 3 art projects
#maybe my mom was onto something all these years telling me i'm bipolar#no i don't think i am but i do technically have a bpd diagnosis so like. mood swings up the fucking wazoo are not new#but i am not one to be like 'exercise will fix me'#i've also just come to terms recently with the fact that i didn't kill myself already so might as well start thinking of the long term#so not being in constant pain when im older is something im actually thinking of now#so like. gotta move more which i was doing during this semester! walking like 3 miles a day which didn't help brain but#it's gotta be good for you anyway even if i don't get the endorphins everyone says you get when working out#that's neverrrr been me bc also chronic illness w exercise intolerance#so it's like. wah i have a desire to move my body more and know it's beneficial#but chronic illness + mental illness + trying not to think about exercise in terms of weight loss bc i'm trying not to make that the goal#although certainly wouldn't be mad if that was the result but if i prioritize it over just overall health it's gonna make me obsessive#i'm saying a lot of words. i have no one to really talk to so i once again come to tumblr as a public diary#ANYWAY. trying to find balance with wanting to exercise for overall well-being but dealing with other factors like chronic illness#which has actually been under the most control it's been in years i barely even consider myself (physicslly) disabled these days#and also balancing the fact that while my disordered eating has never recovered and i still have extremely bad relationship with myself#im in a relatively better place with that. i'm not starving myself and im not going through binge/purge cycles#but my relationship with food and eating is still very much unhealthy#and i don't think that will ever really change bc it's so ingrained in the everything about me#i don't really know what i'm talking ahout anymore or what prompted this#i can't simply just say 'i'm gonna go for a hike today' and be normal about. always gotta psycho analyze myself#im in a very weird stage in my life where i feel like i have control over nothing and i barely even exist in my own body#im just like a cacophony of voices trapped inside a meat suit but im not in the drivers seat im stuffed in the trunk and tied up#and the guy driving is an old blind mind who should have lost his license his ass is NOT road safe!#so it's like i have all these ideas and desires and feelings and ahh!! but hey i'm locked up here let me out please#and also the state of the world. so bleak and hopeless and paralyzing that i've just kind of shut my feelings off so i'm rapidly switching#between numbness and overwhelming agony#what the fuck am i talking about
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I'm already starting to regret that I joined yet another Discord server.
#personal#i'm trying to learn about game modding and while there are several channels dedicated to different areas of modding#the resources are scattered are all over the place#and there's so much discussion in between those resources/posts that it takes a long time to find anything#i searched one keyword because i couldn't find a pinned post about it and there were 47 pages of results for that keyword alone#yeah i'm not gonna go through all that#i'm surprised anyone who joined there recently can learn anything#unless they have a lot of time and patience or something#it literally took me hours last night because i didn't know shit xD and trying to navigate that place is like#trying to find a needle in the haystack. plus some of the creators there are so rude to anyone who's just as confused about stuff as i am#and some of the 'newbie' tutorials they put up there are literally not that great for beginners#unless they already have good basic information about how to use blender or ue4 or other stuff#it's a fucking chaos honestly#this is why i don't really use discord anymore#i get disoriented and overwhelmed when there's too much stuff at once and it's not even well-organized or well-explained#putting up an archive for resources and tutorials would be great. or at least locking up certain servers so they wouldn't be#clogged up with discussion would be great too#but i guess it's just me then
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Finally giving Final Fantasy XIV a try now that I have the computer space. My boy Izayoi Matsuri is a dumbass who tries to climb on top of everything as a shortcut and can't see where he's going.
#Final Fantasy XIV#FFXIV#I say my dumbass boy as if I'm not the one controlling him#I wanted to play with a friend but a lot of the stuff is locked behind leveling up so I wanted to speed through doing that#So I didn't read any of the dialogue so far or watch any cutscenes#Plotwise I have absolutely no idea what's going on#I'm moving on quest markers alone and that means I'm not even looking at him- I'm looking at the map#Ran my poor boy into so many things he probably got brain damage now from glitching through roots#If I draw anymore FFXIV stuff it'll probably be as me but I wanted to draw Matsuri at least once because I spent 3 hours designing him#3 god forsaken hours to find out you can change his clothes with armor so his tummy is gonna be hidden anyways#And then like 30 minutes on trying to name him by Au Ra standards before looking at the moon and going 'I'm gonna name him moon festival'#Insanity Draws#Insanity of Mojiru
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it's wip wednesday somewhere
#dion: i believe that i am extremely normal about terence#dion: [gets gravely injured protecting terence] [is confessed to] [vacates his death(?)bed at the speed of sound]#NOT NORMAL NEVER BEEN NORMAL I NEED TO LOCK IT DOWN AT ONCE#terence like oh no he's sending me away.... dion trying not to clip through the floor bc his insane marriage proposal isn't going to plan#for Some Reason. idiot#but the whiplash ok. dion's like you're gonna have to tie the handfast Im Still Injured. Terence: 馃槺馃槺馃槺#terence: MY PRINCE WOULD YOU PLEASE SLOW DOWN I'M NOT GOING ANYWHERE#dion: I KNOW [shaking (clean at least) bandage] THAT'S WHAT THIS IS FOR#writing tag#teredion
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erm. well im going to talk about my dream in the tags i guess
#my dream kinda sucked shit i was in like some dorm and i dont really remember what happened before all the bad stuff other than like.#weird highway....... but um there was this girl in the dorm or something and she wanted to i think hang out with me at first#i dont think it was initially like oh we're gonna have sex or whatever. and she took me to some weird place and immediately#i was trying to say this place is weird i feel uncomfortable being here because it was like through this like i guess abandoned highway#area and had trash and towards this forested part and she was like ugh why does everyone i bring here say that -_- and there was some#other girl also there. but once we got closer it was also sort of like. a ravine it was sort of cool. and then some stuff happened#and i was like ok with having sex like she wanted to but like i said stuff happened in the dream we couldnt get around to it#i had fallen asleep at one point and then woke up. and she was like damn. well we can still do it before you have to go there's#plenty of time and i was like oh... okay... but then i look at the time and it's like 4 and im like fuck im already late for work and#so i have to run off. she's disappointed. im heading to work there's also some apartment..??? idk im suddenly at the mall which isnt where#my work is but whatever. anyways im like i gotta lock this apartment which is at the mall and hten i head to where my job is#and apparently she is like trying to fucking stalk me and shit and i was talking to one of my managers and she's there and i just#i dont know i eventually wake up and that just sort of really sucked
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My nye resolution is to be even more real and raw and nastier tastier etc.
#gonna try to actually write some poetry I'd feel comfortable sharing for once#instead of keeping it all locked inside a note on my phone where I can keep the memories of feelings
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I am not going to lie folks. I am at the end of my ROPE I鈥檓 going to SNAP
#this is once again abt dumb stuff lol#I hate walking the dogs bc one of them is bad at being on a leash#and the other insists on eating everything she can get hold of#and then it鈥檚 muddy and someone shut off one of the public footpaths#which is probably not legal lol but I cba to chase it up#and both dogs bark IMPOSSIBLY loudly when it鈥檚 walk time#and they鈥檙e neither of them my dogs so there鈥檚 the added annoyance of the fact that. it wasn鈥檛 my responsibility to train them#and I knowwww when I get a dog two things I鈥檓 gonna focus on are making sure they鈥檙e calm. and leash training lol#I am not getting dragged around by a dog once I have my own it simply will not happen#and I will not be barked at.#also one of them slipped the leash at the start of the walk and she likes to try and hurl herself under cars so I was understandably worrie#I think I kept it together v well at that moment tho and she did come back when I called her#but it was nerve wracking#and then the other one kept trying to eat some prawns someone had dropped and like#I get it. overwhelming temptation. but I was busy trying to stop the other one jumping under a bus#and then when they get back in they just bark and bark and bark#so I鈥檝e locked myself upstairs for a few minutes because like#it鈥檚 not their fault#they鈥檙e sweethearts#and it鈥檚 not fair if I get angry at them for shit like this they鈥檙e just. being dogs#so I鈥檓 taking some Calm Down Time lol#one of them is barking and howling because I鈥檓 not giving her attention right this minute#but well. tough shit lol aunty j is cross so aunty j is taking time out#uncle Freddie#all my friends better have kids so i can be uncle Freddie#looking forward to being a parent so my kids can call me pop pop or some shit#that鈥檚 a tangent. my rage at two dogs for being high maintenance is not a good lookout for my future parenthood lol#but at least I鈥檓 recognising that I need a minute so I don鈥檛 get angry#ok I鈥檓 done yelling now
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finished lanks' route!! I would kill and die for liam one thousand times
#hes so. spins around#hes so silly but soooo full of horrors hes like the universes punching bag#his route was. so quick holy shit#like i could just PLOW through ALL the enemies in a couple turns. the boss fight with hart was a joke#emotional overload is mad op during fights w multiple foes#and triple fireball is like. INSANELY op in 1v1 fights#lanks is NOT FUCKING AROUND!!!!!!!#also i got locked onto beltboys route just now. yay <3 < i will cry and scream and suffer so so much#beltboys route is gonna be sooooo emotional and i will explode by the end. and then come back to do rod's route#i feel confident enough to do pain mode methinks. the savepoint thing is gonna be the worst i think handling combat wont be that hard#but im an avid saver i save my progress always constantly and forever#so getting to use savepoints once is gonna be. um. UM. UH. UM. yeah#but im sooooooo curious abt how rods route is gonna look. also i just wanna see more of rodriguez!!!!#he seems like such a fun character ok#also i can recruit yogurt so. yay <3 yogurt my best friend yogurt#im gonna try recruiting reginald as well which you can apparently do in the normal routes which i did NOT know#maybe someday ill replay the game from the beginning [and actually get to explore area 3] and try recruiting him then !#yay. lets go babey
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The next time I鈥檓 tempted to have a robust social life, someone remind me: DON鈥橳
#i have done quite simply way too much over the past week#and am going to do even more this coming week yay??#today i hosted an entire fucking picnic which was just an ordeal from start to finish#(and it shouldn't have been! i got to see my friends and the weather was lovely and my friends were lovely and it went objectively well)#but i was so worn out from pride yesterday that i had to spend most of the day in bed#and i was fretting to an unreasonable degree about whether i had enough food and the right kind of food and whether i was Normal#(spoiler: python you are never Normal and that's fine)#and then the picnic itself was. fine. objectively. good! objectively.#but i invited two different groups of friends and each group mainly talked to each other and i felt split between them#and i got so overwhelmed trying to keep track of two conversations at once#and i said dumb stuff and didn't say stuff i'd meant to say and ended up having an abrupt on-stage reality check that my brain is a bastard#who bullies me by telling me shit that isn't true#and now i'm like...so overwhelmed i feel like i'm gonna cry#too much thinking about my brain being a dick on multiple levels and feeling spread thin among my friends and worn out socially and also now#thinking about personal things i wasn't particularly planning to think about at 10pm tonight and just.#oh my god.#the next time i try to have an active social life someone lock me in a cupboard for a week#personal
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unsure if this vampire if will have gender locked ros like how my masquerade if does . idk i feel like i just . kinda cant rlly write gender selectable ones ? cus then to me they become two different characters . if that . Makes Sense .,
#idk how to explain it properly is the thing .#ophelia is gender locked because being a woman has bearing on her story . esp due to her backstory [which only exists in my head . so far]#im trying to figure out if im also gonna gender lock atropa . i havent decided Yet but maybe not ? ? i think once i write the backstory ill#figure it out#but i hope . that makes sense . idk i just imagine a character a certain way and if i change something#it may become a whole different character even if they are the Same Person . yknow ?
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