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hyunsvngs · 11 months

Text

kinktober !

kink: waxplay

pairing: hwang hyunjin x fem!reader

wc: 2k

waxplay: a form of temperature play in which wax from a candle is dripped onto a person's naked skin

You were incredibly lucky to have a boyfriend like Hyunjin. He was sweet, funny, talented, such a gentleman - and completely and utterly infatuated with you. The two of you could be in a room full of people, and his eyes would be fixated directly on you the whole time. Most of your time together was spent with Hyunjin either attached to your hip, or gazing at you in adoration.

Most of the time.

You were currently lounging on his bed, while he sat across the room from you, painting at his easel. You couldn't complain, really - he gave you almost unlimited amounts of attention. It was okay that he wasn't focused on you at that moment. Or it would be okay, if you weren't unbearably horny.

Just seeing him sitting there, examining his sketch the way he'd examined your naked body so many times before… it did something to you. The room was dimly lit, with a string of fairy lights and a candle providing all of the illumination, save for a lamp pointed directly at a Hyunjin's canvas. The warm light was making him look positively angelic. His skin was glowing. He was shirtless, and you couldn't stop your eyes from exploring the planes of his neck, his shoulders, collarbones, pecs, stomach.

His hair was tied up in a messy bun at the base of his neck, though a few strands had fallen loose, which he'd tucked behind his ears. His eyebrows were furrowed gently, the cogs in his brain whirring away as he worked.

He was so fucking beautiful. You needed him.

"How's it coming along, baby?" you asked.

"Mm," he made a noise of affirmation. "Good so far."

You could usually tell his levels of engagement by how in-depth his responses were. A long ramble about the colour pallette, the shading, the linework? That meant he was still in the realm of the living. "Mm, good so far"? Yeah, he was gone. You might be in his peripheral vision, but on a conscious level, the only things in existence are himself, his paints, and the canvas.

You were going to have to work hard.

Hyunjin's face was barely an inch away from the canvas, and he didn't even look up at the quiet rustling sounds of you removing your clothes. You wondered if he even heard, or if his brain filtered the disturbance out.

"What’s your very favourite thing to paint, Hyunjin?" you asked, settling back on his bed, now naked.

"I like painting lots of things," he murmured, still not looking over at you. "I like painting you."

"You like painting me?"

"Yeah," he confirmed. "My beauty."

This made you beam. Disengaged as he was at the moment, you knew he truly meant it.

"Paint me now," you suggested.

"I can do another painting of you next," he compromised.

"Fine. Paint on me now."

Ah. You'd piqued his interest with this line. He turned around, eyebrow raised in question, before he saw you. Completely naked, lounging on his bed, paint me like one of your French girls style. His mouth fell open, his eyes scanning your body.

You waited for him to speak. And waited… and waited.

"I don't know if these paints are skin-friendly."

You snorted. What a Hyunjin response. Your comfort and safety is always paramount with him. "Okay, then. Don't use paint. Use…" You pointed to the candle on the side table. "That."

He looked to the candle. Then back to you. "I don't know if the wax is skin-friendly."

"Hyunjin."

"It could burn you, honey! I don't know much about that stuff-"

"It'll be fine. Promise. Plus, isn't burning me the whole point?"

He looked at you, straightfaced. "A little burn, maybe. Scalding your skin straight off? No."

You rolled your eyes. "C'mon, Hyun. It's gonna be fine. I know you wanna try this - I can see it in your eyes."

Hyunjin sighed. "Fine. Let me get a clean brush, okay?"

"Okay!" you said with a grin, laying on your back and waiting for him to prepare.

Moments later, he climbed onto the bed, straddling you. Hard already, you mused, feeling his bulge press against your crotch. Unsurprising. He always was quick to excite, when you were involved.

He had the candle in one hand, a clean paintbrush in the other, and an excited look in his eye. "Are you sure about this?" he asked.

You nodded up at him, almost trembling with anticipation. You could smell the candle, black cherry scented, and could feel the warmth from the flame. Hyunjin dipped the paintbrush into the hot wax, and brought it down to your skin.

Oh. It was hot, but not as scalding as you thought it would be. Not as painful as you had been fearing - or hoping? You felt a slight burn, but nothing that made you leap up in agony. No, it made your skin tingle. It made your clit throb, your pussy tense. It was good.

Hyunjin was looking at you, rather than his artwork, his eyes staring deeply into your own. "That okay?"

You nodded. "More."

He repeated the motion. Dipped the paintbrush into the wax, and smeared it across your skin in one long, delicate brushstroke. You exhaled heavily. The only thing on your mind was the sensation of the wax - the hardening wax, which was beginning to cool, and the fresh, hot, wet wax, melting into your skin, into your very core.

You loved to watch your man paint. You loved it even more when you were acting as his canvas. Having his full attention on you, on your body, was dizzying. You felt electric.

He was clearly working on something, you could tell this from the careful deliberation of his brushstrokes across your stomach. He was getting into the zone, making you his masterpiece. But, in all honesty, you didn't give a fuck about the art. That wasn't something you'd ever thought before, not about Hyunjin's work at least, but the hot wax coating your skin was making you positively delirious with sheer arousal. You wanted more, needed more.

"More?" he asked. Oh. Had you said that out loud?

"Feels so good, Hyune," you whined.

"I don't know how I can give you more - do you want me to pour it straight on? That might hurt…" He frowned, considering this.

"Don't care!" you insisted. "Want it to hurt. Please."

He considered it for a moment. "Alright. But let me know if it's too much, okay? I'll wipe it off straight away." You nodded quickly in agreement.

Slowly, teasingly, Hyunjin titled the candle over your body. The first red drop landed in the centre of your abdomen. It felt white-hot in the best possible way.

Another drop, slightly more substantial. You saw stars behind your eyes.

Another one, a slow pour. The scent was overwhelming your senses now, thick, rich, fruity. It was everywhere, yet you couldn't get enough.

"Hyun-"

"Yeah?" he asked, at attention within an instant.

"Tits - on my tits, please."

Hyunjin followed your command. Slowly, he titled the candle, letting a slow trail of wax dribble across your chest. It felt like molten lava, spilling across your curves, down the slope of your breasts, covering you, painting your skin scarlet.

"Is this okay?" he asked.

"More than okay," you confirmed. "Why the fuck did we never think of trying this before?"

Hyunjin smiled down at you sweetly. "I'm glad you're enjoying it, baby."

He was enjoying it too, from what you could feel grinding into your pubic mound. Your fingers went to his waistband, tugging at it, and he followed your cues, knowing exactly what you were after. He reached into his trousers, pulling down the waistband and lifting his dick and balls out over it. You sighed happily, grasping his dick gently and lazily stroking it as you lay beneath him, absorbing the sensation.

The weight of his dick in your hands, the hardened wax pulling at your skin, the heat of the fresh wax. The scent. Your boyfriend above you, looking like an angel. It was all tipping you over the edge. You couldn't help but moan out loud.

Hyunjin was getting distracted, you could tell. His cock was twitching in your grasp repeatedly, his hips stuttering along with your strokes. A lot of the time, he was very good at holding back his own pleasure while he tended to you. Other times, not so much. And who could blame him, with the excitement of trying something so new and sexy?

"Feels so good, Hyunjin," you told him earnestly. "Do you wanna feel too?"

He paused, looking up at you. "Hm? Me?"

"Only if you want to… I'm just thinking about how pretty your dick would look, with wax dripped all over it.

"Oh."

"Oh?" you asked.

"Oh."

He liked that idea.

"Not just yet. Wait til I'm - wait til I'm closer. Wanna see if it can push me over the edge." Hyunjin's cheeks were dusted with pink.

Get Hyunjin closer to the edge? If there was anything you could do, it was that. You swiped your thumb over the tip of his dick, gathering the precum that had leaked out of his slit and using it to slick up his shaft. You stroked with more fervour, quickly, tightening your grasp just the way he liked it.

He sighed, running his spare hand through his hair, casting back the strands that had fallen loose of his hair tie. He bit down on his lip hard, stifling a whimper. If you knew that noise (which you did, quite well) it meant that he wasn't too far off.

"Oh - baby, I'm - hold it for me, yeah?"

You nodded and did as he asked, holding his cock steady. He moved slowly, just as he had with you, allowing just a single droplet of wax drip onto the base of his shaft, letting out a strangled moan as he did so.

"How does it feel?" you asked, captivated by his reactions.

He looked up from his dick to meet your gaze, and you noted the tears in his eyes. "Hot. Good."

"More, baby."

He did so, letting another drop fall. It rolled down the length of his shaft, and he cried out. Another drop, bigger again. Bravely, he made one long, smooth pour, right along his member. He hissed at the feeling, the pace of his breaths picking up.

It was a fucking gorgeous sight. His long, beautiful dick, decorated as always with light purple veins, and tonight with deep red wax. It was hot within your hold, twitching relentlessly at the brand new sensations.

"Doing so well, baby," you coaxed him, giving his dick just the gentlest squeeze in your grasp.

He angled the candle over his tip, letting a single drop fall onto his exposed head. He yelped at this, a sensation so strong you felt you could barely imagine it. Merely a second later, his cock began to pulsate, once, twice, and on the third time, a single rope spurted onto your tummy. He erupted, cumming hard and heavily, painting over the red wax with hot, white cum.

"There you go, baby," you encouraged him through his climax. "So much cum, such a pretty dick."

He sat back with a long exhale, catching his breath. "That was nice."

You giggled at the understatement. "Yeah. Nice."

Hyunjin was grinning, the smile reaching his eyes. "Look at our art. We made that together."

You looked down at your torso. It was lovely, in a strange, artistic way.

"It looks like a sunset," he claimed. You wouldn't go that far - it was more like a red sea splashed with white - but it was very nice.

"Let's clean up, yeah?"

Hyunjin gasped. "No. Let me take some pictures first."

You were very used to this; you knew the drill. Hyunjin had been into erotic photography for a few months now, and it had become a regular aspect of your bedroom activities.

"Okay," he said, sounding satisfied after a few minutes of clicking photographs. "Let's go shower. And then… I'm finished painting for tonight. Back to bed and we can make love some more?"

You beamed up at him. "Sounds good to me."

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mxqdii · 7 months

Note

pt 2 to note into you m.s. plsss

can't say im nott into you - m.s (part 2)

pairings: mattheo riddle x nott reader

summary: read part 1 first! you can find that here

warning(s): make outs, mentions of blood and fighting

not proofread

previously...

my hands tangled in his hair, the smell of his cologne and cigarettes filling my senses, everything just feels right.

an abrupt knock interrupts us, mattheos hand covering my mouth

"dude come on, snape is pissed you missed class and his lecture, we gotta go" a voice comes from the other side of the door.

fuck, it's my brother.

---

i pull away from mattheo, my panicked state clear to him

my eyes scream "what do we do" and he knows it

"mattheo?? come on we're gonna be late." theo yells again

i run towards his closet, trying to find a place to hide, accidentally tripping in the process

"fuck!" i yell, immediately using my hand to cover my mouth afterwards

"you got a girl in there, riddle?" theo says from the other side of the door

eventually theo breaks his way inside, letting out a scoff at the sight of mattheo's messy hair and unbuttoned shirt

"so.. where is she?" he says, scanning the room

"uhh she left" mattheo says, unconvincingly

"right, through where? the window??" he says sarcastically, looking out the window, showing nothing but lake far beneath them

"dude just let it go, lets go to class" mattheo says, grabbing theos arm

"no i wanna know who this girl is, you seem a little too secretive over her. what is it pansy or something?" he says laughing, looking under the bed and in the bathroom

"just drop it" mattheo says again, more agressive this time

i have my hand over my mouth, trying to be as quiet as i can.

theo looks around more, gaze shifting towards the floor, seeing my bookbag

he glances back up and mattheo, picking up the bag

"huh.. y'know whats funny is that my sister has this exact same bag... coincidence?" he says sternly

"uh- yeah, i mean its a pretty common bag-" mattheo starts, before the sound of stuff knocking over in the closet interrupts him

"fuck" i mumble, quiet enough for only myself to hear

theo looks at the closet, then mattheo, quickly walking towards it, opening it as fast as he can

his face drops at the sight of me with smudged lipstick and my tie taken off

"oh you're fucking dead" he turns around, punching mattheo

i bolt up, screaming

"theo stop!" i try to pull him away from mattheo, his elbow hitting my eye in the process

fall to the floor, clutching my eye "ow! fuck!" i yell

they both immediately stop, turning to me

"oh shit i'm so sorry" theo says, bending down to my level

"what the fuck did you do?!?" mattheo yells, gently taking my hand off my eye to examine it

theo watches intently, noticing the gentleness and how mattheos gaze instantly sofented

"does this hurt?" he says, pressing down lightly

i wince, not needing to say more

"i have stuff in my bathroom, ill get you cleaned up" he says, grabbing my arm helping me stand up

theo scoffs, walking out of mattheos dorm with his arms crossed

---

"thanks again mattheo, seriously." i say, walking down to the common room with him

"of course lo-" he stops at the sight of theo sitting on the couch staring at us

"sit." he says, causing us to look at eachother

we sit on the couch across from him, the silence filling the room for a few minutes

"listen, i dont care what you do, as long as you dont do that nasty shit around me, but riddle, if you hurt my sister ill actually fucking muder you, got it?" he says sternly and mattheo nods

theo then glances at me "hows the eye?" he asks

"bruised, thanks to your bulky elbows" i say sarcastically and he chuckles

"whatever, see you two later" he says, walking out of the common room

that leaves me and mattheo, alone, and sure we hooked up before getting rudely interrupted. but me and mattheo.. dating? i guess i just didnt think he'd see me that way.. theo sure thinks otherwise

i abruptly stand up, excusing myself and heading back to my dorm

"wait-" mattheo starts, but i rush off

we've been friends for so long, and yes, he's hot as shit.. but in hindsight i cant help but think

what are we?

TAGLIST:

@opheliaofficial07 @stargirlv0id @strniolo @annaisabookworm @theperson-nextdoor @its-jennarose @thetriplets3 @llama-07 @wietske27 @ye0nvibezzn @sleepygirl45 @itsamusical4lifee @dianalovesm

#madispeaks!#mattheo riddle fluff #mattheo riddle imagine #mattheo riddle x reader #mattheo riddle #mattheo riddle smut #slytherin boys #slytherin #slytherin x reader #harry potter fic #hogwarts #slytherin boys x you #slytherin boys smut #mattheo riddle x yn #mattheo riddle angst #harry potter #mattheo riddle x you

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reallyromealone · 2 years

Text

Bonten x bunny male reader

Warning: hybrid au, nsfw, smut, male reader, bottom reader, MLM, gay, diet omegaverse themes (elements of Omegaverse but not quite there)

If you are

Are a fujoshi

Do not interact

I will block you

Those who knew Bonten knew to run for the hills if they enter a room, the predator hybrids weren't to be fucked with by any means.

And whatever they saw, belonged to them.

And currently they couldn't take their eyes off the cutest bunny hybrid with long floppy ears and a fluffy cotton tail to boot.

Said bunny was their beloved mate so why wouldn't they watch him whenever they could?

(Name) was in bunny form curled up against Sanzus fox tail as the pink haired man cleaned his sword calmly, pleased his mate was so relaxed to be in such a vulnerable state with him.

Currently (name) was in preheat, conserving energy for the upcoming heat that Bonten was thankful that they could alternate because bunnies had a reputation for a reason.

"He still sleeping?" Ran asked as he walked in with bags of veggies and fruits, the pink haired man nodded as he glanced down at the bunny who was still snoozing away, the tiny fluff ball stretching out.

"Well enjoy it while you can, because he's not gonna let us go once he starts"

Six hours later was when Mikey fet a hand on his chest push him down from where he was sitting, catching the rest of Bontens attention as (name) made a chirping noise to the wolf who stared at him curiously, charcoal eyes staring into (name)s fully dialated ones "you need a good fuck baby?" Mikey asked, thankfully (name) was only wearing one of their botton up shirts as he began humping at Mikey's jean covered lap "that would be a yes" Koko said teasingly as (name) huffed, leg bouncing which usually indicates one thing.

He wanted a chase.

"Hey baby?" Sanzu said teasingly and (name) turned to look at him "run" he said with a rumble as all the men's eyes flashed to a more primal look and with a pleased shiver (name) bolted down the hall as the others counted to twenty before taking off behind him.

God they loved a good hunt.

Did they purchase a home with this in mind? Oh absolutely and all parties had a grand time with it.

Ran and Rindō worked together to hunt him, the Panthers feral with joy as they scanned the area for any sign of the bunny.

Walking down the hall they saw a flash of an ankle and both men immediately took off after him, almost manic only to see the Jaguar that was Koko pinning the bunny down "get the others" Koko said before looking down at his hunt, shaking and blushing as (name) hooked his ankle behind Kokos neck to pull him close "oh? You ready to be eaten bunny?"

In this relationship there were no rules on who got to fuck the bunny as long as it was mutually consentual.

And Koko was a bit pent up, none of them able to fuck (name) for one week before his heat, knowing to save their energy for when it actually happens.

Koko devoured (name)s mouth, licking anywhere he could as his hands groped around, feeling the others flesh under his skin "so good~"

Koko freed his cock and let (name) wrap his legs around his hips, trapping him successfully as Koko wasted no time pushing into (name), the bunnies biology making him ready anytime "oh!" (Name) gasped out as Koko began thrusting "gonna fuck you real nice angel"

(Name) rolled his hips to try and meet his thrusts as the rest of Bonten gathered around him "open wide babydoll" takeomi said pressing the blunt head of his cock to (name)s lips, the men watching with pure lust as (name) sucked on the tip before slowly taking it in deepee down his throat "so good baby" takeomi said softly, playing with (name)s soft bunny ears as the bunny let the fox and jaguar fuck him silly.

The others jerked off and played with the bunnies body, stroking his cock and playing with his nipples "we should probably head to a bedroom soon" Kakucho said as the snake took (name)s wrist to have (name) stroke one of his cocks.

"Once we stuff him real nice with a few kits" Mikey said having (name) use his other hand to jerk him off.

(Name) was a shaking mess as he let the predators around him use him as they pleased, to heat drunk to even remotely care as the pre-cum leaking from Mikey's cock got all over his hand and wrist.

"Gonna give me cubs baby? A whole litter for me?" Koko hissed as he fucked (name) senseless, enjoying the sight of the bunny full of cock as his hips pistoned into him, the sound of his cock fucking his lovers tight hole echoing along with the sound of his throat being thoroughly fucked.

"Take it baby! Take it!" And with that Koko came hard into (name), the others cuming as well to cover the bunny with cum as the poor prey shook helplessly from his own orgasm.

"Let's clean you up for round too, you got seven more to please angel"

#tokyo revengers x reader #tokyo revengers x male reader #tokyo revengers fluff #bonten x reader #male reader #smut #bonten smut #tokyo revengers smut

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punkshort · 1 year

Text

Chapter warnings: language, violence, angst

A/N: this chapter might be a little slower than the rest, but I felt like it was important to establish how they are surviving. I tried to keep it spicy and interesting but please stay with me, I believe I have some great stuff coming up :)

Chapter Ten

Pairing: Joel x F!Reader, pre-outbreak and post outbreak

AU (the only thing I kept was the outbreak, Joel, and Tommy's characters. Joel's backstory is different, and the way he finds Jackson is different. I may include Ellie one day, I just haven't planned that far)

Fic Summary: You worked for Joel and Tommy a few months before the outbreak. The outbreak happens, and you and Joel get stuck traveling the country and keeping each other safe. Neither of you spoke about the feelings you had for one another pre-outbreak, and in a post-apocalyptic world, it seems like survival should be your only focus. But feelings can't be ignored forever.

Fic tags: Explicit Smut (18+ MDNI), Smut, Language, Canon-Typical Violence, Alcohol Use, Age Difference (Reader is 10 years younger than Joel), slow burn, mutual pining, angst, trauma, SA referencing later but I will put a big warning on those chapters

October 2003

Pittsburgh, PA

It had taken you nearly a full month to make it 400 miles, having to stop frequently and rest for a couple days here and there, but you were halfway to Chicago. Your bodies were not used to the constant exercise, and it required you to rest more than you expected. Joel suspected you were both deficient in some capacity since all you had eaten was canned and processed food for a month and exerting much more energy than normal. You were holed up in a small cabin outside of Pittsburgh, about 10 miles away from reaching the city. Joel had broken into the cabin late last night, and the two of you collapsed into bed once he confirmed the place was empty. He had planned to stay here for a couple days, wanting to make sure you were both as well rested as possible.

The next morning, Joel was looking around the small basement of the cabin, his flashlight bouncing off the dirty concrete walls while you went through the clothes left in the dressers upstairs, determining which ones were suitable to swap out. With winter fast approaching, you both needed to find clothes with longer sleeves and extra layers.

His flashlight scanned over a rusted metal shelving unit in the far corner. He walked over to inspect the items, finding mostly cleaning products, insect repellant, paint, and other chemicals. At the very bottom he found a hunting trap which he picked up to examine, pleasantly surprised to find it was still functional. He took it upstairs and placed it on the small kitchen table, then went to find you in the bedroom, where he heard you opening and shutting the dresser drawers.

The queen bed was covered in clothes, women's clothes on the right and men's on the left. On the floor you had tossed three well-worn hunting jackets, and on the other side of the room was a pile of discarded clothes that looked like they were meant for warmer months.

"Makin’ some progress up here?” he asked, bending down to take a closer look at the jackets and opening the pockets to see what was left behind. He triumphantly pulled out a few batteries and a lighter, shoving them in his jeans pocket. He picked the jacket up and shook the dust off before trying it on.

"Yeah, we got some good options. I think the guy's clothes will fit you, her clothes will be a little baggy on me but that's fine, I can do layers," you said over your shoulder as you scooped up loose socks from the top drawer and tossed them on the bed, getting to work matching and rolling them up. "Did you find anything useful?"

Joel put the jacket back on the floor and picked up a second one, trying that one on before settling on the third, which was a little big on him, but the thick leather kept him well insulated. "Yeah, actually, I found a hunting trap. I'm gonna go out a little ways and see if we can catch somethin', I think we need more protein, we've been needin' to take too many breaks lately."

"You want me to come with you?" you stood up after matching up the last pair of socks.

"Nah, I won't be long, you keep workin' on this stuff here." Joel grabbed his rifle and the trap, closing the front door behind him and setting out into the woods.

The cabin was surrounded by a thick forest but there were a few trails that must have been forged by deer given how tall the grass and narrow the paths were. Joel walked carefully into the trees, staying alert for any threats. Out this far into the wilderness, infected weren't the problem. The pair of you hadn't come across any more people since that night in his apartment a month ago but he made sure you stayed off the roads as much as possible. You weren't as quiet or withdrawn anymore, but he noticed you were becoming hardened by the world you were forced to live in. He had seen the slow progression as you both learned how to take down infected as efficiently as possible. He remembered when you first had to do it: you were so scared he could see the switchblade shaking in your hand as you snuck up behind a dormant runner. As the weeks went on and you practiced more, you became more comfortable taking them down, but he also saw the hardness growing in your eyes. He knew it was just a product of your environment and it was essential in order to survive, but some nights when he was unable to sleep, he laid awake and imagined a world where he could be a shield for you, taking all damage, and you could be your warm and sweet self again, safe under his protection.

Being out in the wild without the comfort of an apartment helped quell his feelings for you a little. He was less distracted when he had to always be on high alert, forcing his thoughts off you and onto survival. But whenever you stayed in a safe spot for a few days, like this cabin, he eventually found his thoughts wandering back to how soft your lips were against his that night, the curve of your hips in your dress, or the way you moaned into his mouth. The forced proximity and the illusion of safety usually meant his body ended up finding yours in the middle of the night and pulled you close to him. You never mentioned it, and neither did he, but he knew it was a byproduct of trying to stamp out his feelings for you. It was almost like his mind was saying one thing, but his body was refusing to obey. So, whenever he woke and found himself tangled in you once again, he didn’t allow himself to savor the moment and quickly removed himself from you before his heart swelled and he would be lost in you all over again.

It was about a ten minute walk from the cabin before Joel found a good spot to place the trap. It was near a big bush that looked to be home to some kind of animal based on the prints in the dirt. He took a pink scarf out of his pocket and ripped a piece off, tying it to the tree branch above the trap. As he followed his footsteps back, every minute or so he tore another piece off and tied it to a branch until he reached the cabin. He pushed the door open and set the rifle down by the door. He heard you singing softly to yourself in the bedroom, completely unaware he had entered the cabin. The first instinct he had was to chastise you for not being more aware of your surroundings, but the part of him that was desperate to protect you ultimately won, and instead he stood in the kitchen to listen.

You left the bedroom with an armful of rags you had made from the summer clothes in the corner, lyrics softly leaving your lips when you saw Joel standing there and yelped out of fright.

“Jesus, Joel, you scared the shit out of me!” you exclaimed before taking your pile of rags to the couch and setting them down. “How long were you standing there?”

“Just walked in a minute ago,” he replied, giving you a small smirk. “Found a good spot for the trap, I’ll check it before sundown. Maybe we’ll get lucky.” He shrugged the hunting jacket off and draped it over a chair.

You nodded and headed over to the cupboard to see what the previous residents left behind.

“Are you hungry? We have some soup here, and some canned stew. What do you want?” You turned to face him with your hand on your hip, but his gaze seemed unfocused and his thoughts far away at your question. Moments like this felt so domestic and it made him ache. What did he want? He wanted everything you had to offer. He wanted to turn back time and take back what he said to you, before he ruined everything. He wanted domestic bliss where you made him dinner and he had you for dessert. He didn’t want to be fighting for your lives while you ate expired Dinty Moore.

His gaze refocused on you and replied, “I’ll take the soup.” He reached into his jeans pocket and found the lighter from earlier and got to work setting up a small fire outside while you rummaged around for pots to heat up the canned delicacies that awaited you.

Joel had just left to check the trap before it got too dark, and you were left scrubbing the pots in the sink until your fingers felt raw. You dreaded any time he left. You hated being away from him, and not because you were scared, it was something more. You figured it out when one morning about a week ago you woke up wrapped in his arms again, for maybe the third time, but that morning was when you realized you only truly slept well when he sought you out in the middle of the night to pull you close and breathe you in. You were always disappointed when he woke up and pulled away from you so fast, leaving you feeling ashamed for being the only one who wanted it to continue. You had to constantly remind yourself it meant nothing, that Joel only had wanted one thing from you by replaying how mad he got for not sleeping with him that night. He never apologized for it, and you know you shouldn’t care anymore, but sometimes when you let your thoughts wander, it bothered you.

You put the pots back in the cupboard and raked your fingers through your hair aggressively, looking out the window to see if you could spot him. You hadn’t had any moments between you like that day in the subway when you saw the heat behind his gaze as you ran your hand up his arm. You convinced yourself afterwards that you had misread the situation, that the look in his eyes was not one of passion, but one of disapproval, and the embarrassment for the way you behaved sat with you for the next week. Eventually, the embarrassment faded when your focus was redirected to surviving in the wild and learning how to take down infected. You were both becoming pretty good at it, so long as you had the upper hand and noticed them first. Only twice did Joel have to use a gun to take one down, so your ammo reserve was still well stocked. But there was something feral that triggered inside you when you watched him kill: the little curl his upper lip made when he made contact, the fire in his eyes when the adrenaline kicked in, the way the muscles in his arms moved from the force of piercing a knife through their skulls. There had to be something wrong with you, nobody should find something like that attractive.

You heard his boots walking up the small porch, but you put your hand on your gun, just in case you were wrong. He opened the door, smiling proudly and holding up a dead rabbit to show you, and set the rifle back down in the corner by the door.

“I’ll go skin it, get it prepped for later. We can finally have a real meal for dinner.” Joel said, still holding the rabbit in his hand. “What’s wrong?” he asked, his smile faltering a bit when he noticed your expression seemed a little distant. You shook your head and smiled.

“Nothing, I’m fine, just distracted today,” you assured him, then turned around to find a small bag of rice you had seen next to the soup earlier. “I’ll make this to eat with dinner.” You plopped it down on the counter and went back to the bedroom to review the clothes you had set aside. Joel’s eyes followed you until you disappeared around the corner. He could tell something was wrong, but he knew better than to push it.

Joel was right about needing more protein and rest. You both felt recharged after just two nights but allowed yourselves the luxury of one more night indoors before heading off towards Pittsburgh. The morning you planned to leave was when Joel had let his guard down and you awoke entwined with him again. It was early, the sun hadn’t even risen yet. You knew the longer you let him do this, the more hurt you would ultimately inflict upon yourself, but as hard as you tried you just could not bring yourself to be the one to end the embrace. So, you squeezed your eyes shut and willed yourself back to sleep.

Joel stirred when the sun shone into his eyes through the thin curtains, squinting and yawning. As usual, he detached himself from you quickly, frustrated with his subconscious once again. After using the bathroom, he went outside to start a fire. The air was crisp and there was a sharp autumn wind that took his breath away. He huddled in his new jacket and shifted from foot to foot as he waited for the fire to flare up. He looked up into the sky, trying to detect if any rain would be heading your way, but the forest blocked most of his view. He heard the cabin door swing shut and twisted around to watch you walk down the steps wrapped in one of the other hunting jackets and carrying a kettle in one hand and the jar of instant coffee in another. He reached out to take the items from you so you could go back inside and grab two mugs and a spoon. He sat down on one of the thick logs used for stools that were surrounding the firepit and waited for the water to boil. You came back out with the mugs but also had a couple bowls and packets of instant oatmeal.

“’Morning,” you greeted groggily, setting the items down on one of the empty logs and choosing a spot next to him. You yawned, looking around the forest and buried your face in your coat when the wind picked up.

“Sleep ok?” Joel asked you, knowing full well he was setting you up to ask about the way he woke up clutching you, but much to his relief, it seemed as though that topic was never brought up.

You nodded, saying, “Yeah, better than usual.” And left it at that.

Neither of you were morning people and generally didn’t speak much until coffee hit your system. You had been lucky so far and found reserves of it at most of the places you stopped, but you had to dip into the stash from your apartment when you made camp in the forest. You sipped your coffee and ate your oatmeal in silence.

“Next time we find a sporting goods store, we oughta look for a bow and arrow, somethin’ silent,” Joel mused as he scraped his bowl. “We should learn to hunt out here. With winter comin’, it would be a good skill to have.”

You agreed, grabbing both bowls and the kettle while he picked up the mugs and snuffed out the fire. It was probably pointless, but you cleaned your dishes and put them back. It was unlikely the owners of this cabin would find it again, but it just felt wrong to leave things messy. This cabin provided for you both when you needed it and keeping it clean and in its original condition felt like the best way to thank it.

After breakfast, you packed up all your new clothes and replenished any food and rags you could fit in your packs and headed back out on the trail towards Pittsburgh. The forest was thick and lush, and offered a lot of cover, so you were able to make decent time getting to the city, arriving in the early afternoon. You approached a cliffside, stopping there to eat lunch and rest for the first time since you left the cabin. Joel didn’t want to start a fire and attract attention, so you ate some granola bars, peanuts and shared a can of peaches while you surveyed the city in the distance.

“So, what’s the plan?” you asked him, taking a sip from your canteen.

“Well,” he began, shoving the wrappers from the granola bars into his backpack, “I figure we should steer clear of the city proper best we can, especially the QZ. They won’t ask questions; they’ll just shoot on sight if they see anyone.”

You looked up at the sun in the sky, trying to determine the time. “We will have to find somewhere in the city that’s quiet, we won’t make it through before sundown.” You told him, looking back from the sky to meet his gaze. He nodded, impressed.

“Yep, you’re exactly right. Good girl.” he said, the compliment making you flush. “If we stick to the outskirts, maybe we can find a small shop or somethin’. But we’re gonna have to take turns takin’ watch, I don’t trust bein’ this close to soldiers.” he warned you, and you nodded in understanding. After you had spent a few minutes resting, Joel stood up, checking his revolver and tucking it back into his pants and zipping his backpack closed. You followed suit, shoving a rag back into your pack that you used to wipe some sweat off your forehead, and you both soldiered on towards the city.

It was approaching dusk as you and Joel finished clearing out a gas station in a quiet part of the city. There were only three runners inside, and you made quick work of taking them down silently. You helped Joel drag the last body into the men's bathroom, closing the door behind you. Joel wasn't thrilled with the building: it was filled with huge broken windows and left you too exposed for his liking, but the sun was waning, and your choices were limited. There was a small office tucked in the corner that you had emptied of the rolling desk chair and a few boxes of receipts so you could spread out your sleeping bag on the floor. Joel insisted on taking first watch, and you propped the door to the office open with one of the boxes so you could hear if there was any trouble before tucking yourself in.

Joel sat on the rolling chair by the front door, hiding in the darkness behind an aisle, every so often standing in a crouch to glance out the large windows for any movement. He was getting tired, but he still had a couple more hours left on his watch before he woke you. In an effort to keep him awake, he wandered over to the small electronics section behind the cash register, perusing the items on the shelves. His gaze settled on a Timex analog watch. He pried open the package and attached it to his wrist, adjusting the time to match the clock on the wall, assuming it was correct before sitting back down in the chair.

You had about 20 minutes left before he planned to wake you up. Joel was just finishing some beef jerky when he saw flashlights bouncing off a building about a block away. He straightened up in his chair, tossing the bag of jerky to the side, and hoisted the rifle onto his shoulder so he could see through his scope. He watched behind the aisle as a group of four men walked down the street in the direction of the gas station. He could see they were armed, noting knives in their boots, pistols holstered at their hips and two of them held military grade assault rifles. As they came into view, Joel scanned their clothes for any type of military insignia but found none. How did they get those assault rifles?

They were getting closer, but Joel still couldn’t tell if they were planning on entering the gas station or if they were just passing through. His hands began to sweat as he gripped his rifle tighter, his body tense and ready to strike. They were about 50 yards away when one of the men laughed at something one of the others said. The rest immediately shushed him, but it was too late. They froze as an unfamiliar noise echoed through the air from a dumpster they had passed half a block ago. Joel frowned, unable to identify the noise, but based on the reactions of the men, they knew. They whipped around, their backs now to the gas station, all four aiming their guns in the direction of the noise. It sounded like a high-pitched screech mixed with a gasp, then a distinct click, click, click. He heard one of the men swear under his breath, his voice sounding shaky as he shifted his weight back and forth nervously. The one next to him tried to get him to be quiet, but his nerves got the best of him, and a shot rang out, making Joel jump in surprise. In his peripheral, he saw you fly out of your sleeping bag, scrambling for your gun. He crouched as low as he could without sacrificing speed, and made his way over to the office, wrapping his hand over your mouth as you twisted around about to shout out to him. He put a finger against his lips, and only when you hastily nodded did he slowly remove his hand, turning back around to hide behind the front counter with you peeking over his shoulder, watching the scene unfold.

Two infected came ambling towards the group. At first, they stumbled and were slow, but when one of them shifted his weight and slid on some loose asphalt, they both let out a horrific scream unlike anything you had heard before and charged towards the group. Neither of you could understand the creatures you were seeing: they had a fungus growing all over their bodies but primarily on their heads, a mouth was the only facial feature you recognized since the fungus had completely grown over the rest of their faces. Blood had stained their throats and chests, their clothes were ripped and barely hung on, and underneath their skin looked wrinkly, but upon closer inspection, it appeared to be more layers of fungus.

The assault rifles were spitting bullets and bouncing off the clickers, as if the fungus acted like some type of armor. One of the clickers jumped on the man who had slipped, viciously ripping into his throat while its fingers dug animalistically into his chest and blood pooled in the street below him. Another man saw his opportunity and pressed his pistol to the back of the clicker’s head, firing and watching its body drop to the pavement. Then without hesitation, he aimed his gun at his friend’s head and fired, his body jerked once and stilled. In the meantime, the second clicker had made short work of the other two men, one already ripped apart on the ground while it continued its assault on the other. The man did the same thing: walked up and shot the clicker in the back of the head, and for good measure shot the other two men on the ground. He was now the last man standing, panting for breath as he bent over to rest his hands on his knees. That was when he noticed the blood seeping through his jeans and trickling down to his sneakers.

“Fuck,” he whispered to himself, sitting down in the road to lift the pant leg. Joel could see the telltale imprint of teeth and blood when the man aimed his flashlight at his leg. He dropped the pant leg back down and hung his head between his knees. Joel tightened his grip on his rifle, expecting the man to come to the gas station in need of first aid, but before he could blink, the man lifted his pistol up to the side of his head and fired, dropping lifelessly to the side and joining the pile of dead bodies in the road.

Joel twisted around to try to shield your eyes, but it was too late. You let out a shaky breath, one tear sliding down your cheek as you looked up at him, his face full of concern. His eyes traveled down and reached his hand out to cup your face, his thumb gently wiping the tear away. Your eyes fluttered closed, and you had to resist the urge to lean into his touch.

"You alright?" he whispered to you in the dark. You nodded, breaking the contact and standing up.

The whole attack took less than five minutes. Joel approached the broken window and leaned out, listening intently to see if the noise had attracted any more infected or people. You waited as Joel went to each window multiple times to confirm nothing else was around. Satisfied, he turned back to you, your eyes wide and still gripping your gun at your side.

"I don't think anyone else is around," he said, placing the rifle next to the office chair. You nodded, tucking your gun in the back of your jeans.

"What the fuck was that?" you asked, staring at the bodies. "So these things are evolving now?"

"Seems that way," Joel answered, leaning tiredly up against the wall. He fought to keep his eyes open, but you could see he was exhausted.

"Go get some rest, I got this," you told him, "I'll wake you if I hear or see anything at all, I promise."

Joel wanted to resist and tell you he wasn't tired, but a yawn pushed through and gave him away. "You sure?"

"Yeah, go ahead. You need your rest, and we have to get out of this city tomorrow." You waved him off towards the office and went to sit in the chair after you grabbed his rifle, using the scope to get a better look at your surroundings.

Joel didn't bother rolling out his own sleeping bag, he just tucked himself into the one you were using, your scent enveloping him as he drifted off.

The sun rose about an hour ago. You waited as long as you could before deciding to wake Joel. He seemed so tired last night, you wanted him to get as much time as he could, but you knew you needed to leave. Once you got back into the forest, you could rest again. You went to the back office, carrying a to-go container of dry cereal in one hand, and found him snoring on his side with his back to the door. You popped a few pieces of Cinnamon Toast Crunch in your mouth and leaned down to gently shake his shoulder.

Joel whipped around at your touch and grabbed your wrist firmly, his eyes wild. You dropped your cereal in surprise.

"Joel! It's me," you yanked your arm, but he still held your wrist in his grasp and it was starting to hurt. "Joel!" you said again as loud as you dared. He finally realized and let you go, stumbling back a bit as you rubbed your wrist.

"Shit, sorry, must have been havin' a bad dream, you alright?" he asked worriedly, opening the sleeping bag and reaching forward to examine your wrist. He brushed his thumb tenderly over the red mark he left, the gesture making you melt and leaving you with a pang in your stomach.

"I'm fine, it's ok," you said, taking your wrist back and turning away from him, trying to create some space. "We should get going, eat something quick and I'll refill our packs with any supplies I can find."

"You sure you're ok?" he eyed you carefully. He hated how you shied away from his touch. You nodded, opening up another cereal from the shelf and continued to eat while you inventoried the food in your packs.

You shouldered your backpacks and guns after you ate, getting ready to head out. After stepping out onto the road, Joel frisked the dead bodies and picked up some more ammo for your handgun, along with two extra flashlights. He checked the assault rifles, too low on ammo for him to consider taking one, but he did remove two of the knives and sheathes strapped around their ankles, handing a set to you. The roads seemed quiet, so you took advantage and got a move on, silently threading your way through the city.

November 2003

Cleveland, OH

The weather was turning cold and rainy, even a couple nights leaving a dusting of snow that melted early the next morning. You trudged along behind Joel in the pouring rain, trying to stay hidden and dry by walking underneath a raised highway. It was risky, being close to the roads, but Joel didn't see much choice. The weather hasn't been cooperating for a couple days now, and your journey had significantly slowed down. He glanced at his watch, seeing it was around 4pm. It was getting darker earlier now, and the storm clouds just made it worse. He sighed, shaking the water droplets from his curls, and looked around. You were near an exit ramp. He saw it led to a suburban area maybe two miles away, clusters of smaller one story homes that the builders made as close as possible to one another in order to sell more houses.

"C'mon, this way," he said over his shoulder, bringing you out of your reverie. You looked in the direction he was leading you and quietly celebrated to yourself. You were tired and soaked, you didn't want to set up camp outside again and the possibility of sleeping on a mattress gave you a second wind.

The two of you hid in some thick decorative bushes looking down a road called York St. All the houses looked very similar and close together, the biggest differences being the color the owners had chosen for the siding. Joel had kept watch for about an hour in this position, waiting until it got dark so he could see if any of the houses had flashlights or lanterns inside. You were squatting next to him, trying to control your shivering but the rain was pouring down hard, and your clothes were dripping wet, even under your jacket. Your teeth chattered as you inadvertently leaned against him for some warmth. Focused intensely on the homes in front of him, Joel's body tensed at the unexpected contact. He glanced down at you and saw your soaking wet hair and your lips a darker shade than normal.

“Alright, let’s see if we can get into this one right over here, follow me.” he said, helping you stand into a crouch as you jogged over to the yellow house on the corner. Joel peered inside the windows for a minute while you stood watch with your arms crossed, keeping an eye out for any light or movement on the street or houses. You heard a snap behind you, and you turned to see Joel had used his large hunting knife to break the doorknob. You sighed with relief as you followed him inside, shutting the door behind you.

You swung your flashlights around the room, Joel rushing to the windows and closing all the curtains as you inspected the house. It was small: a living room, kitchen, one bathroom and two bedrooms. Joel went down into the basement to make sure it was clear while you emptied essentials from your pack in one of the bedrooms. You pulled out a somewhat dry set of clothes and tucked them under your arm, heading towards the bathroom. You took your jacket off to hang up on the shower rod to airdry and got to work peeling the soaking wet clothes from your body. You figured you could just toss the shirts you were wearing and pick up new ones here, but you really liked the jeans you had so you did your best to lay them out to dry in the tub.

After you put some dry clothes on, you started to feel a little better, but you still couldn’t shake the shiver in your bones. Joel mirrored your actions after he came up from the basement, changing into fresh clothes and hanging up the wet ones to dry, making sure to take the keychain out of his pants pocket and transferred it to his new ones, and then met you in the kitchen where you were rifling through the cupboards to see if there was anything worth eating. You pulled out a bag of trail mix, some canned tuna, and a few cans of mixed fruit, setting them on the small table while Joel rooted around for some forks.

You were hungrier than you realized and ate quickly, all the miles you walked today catching up with you. Joel finally broke the silence after he finished a can of fruit.

“Which room did you want to sleep in?” he asked. This was the first time you stayed indoors where there were two sizeable beds. He wanted to give you the option, give you your space. You kept your gaze trained down at the bag of trail mix in front of you, considering his words. You knew he was giving you a choice, and it was completely up to you now on what the sleeping arrangements would be.

“I liked the room I put our backpacks in, why don’t we stay in that one.” you replied, still not looking up. We. Joel’s pulse sped up and he tried to hide his grin. You made the choice to stay the night with him, you wanted to be with him. It was probably just a habit for you, or maybe you were afraid to be on your own, but he didn’t care. He didn’t want to be apart from you, either, regardless if his reason differed from yours.

That night, he heard you softly snoring, laying on your side with your back to him like usual. This time he deliberately turned over and wrapped his arms around you, pulling you close to him. He breathed in your scent and nestled his face at the back of your neck as you let out a contented sigh, and small smile played across his lips as he closed his eyes.

Chapter Eleven

Taglist: @chiogarza.

#joel miller fanfiction #joel miller #joel miller smut #joel miller x reader #joel miller x you #joel miller fic #joel the last of us #tlou hbo #the last of us hbo #joel miller x f!reader #joel miller x female reader #joel miller series #joel x reader #joel x reader smut #joel miller angst #joel miller fluff #the last of us fanfiction #the last of us game #the way we were joel miller fic

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holmesillustrations · 3 months

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hello! first of all, i love the concept of an illustration tournament! all of the illustrations add a more in depth feeling to doyle's stories, and there's something about those crisp lines. it's wonderful good to see there's someone engaging with them and taking the time for this poll! i myself have been looking for different illustrations of hutchinson's and paget's but i haven't found any good scans like the ones you post on your page. i was wondering if they were your scans or perhaps you had found them somewhere? i would love to know where to find them! cheers!

hi! thank you so much!! i really do think the illustrations are such an important element of the stories and it has been so cool to see how much fun people are having with the tournament <3

i definitely dont have any original scans unfortunately (i do have a 1912 strand annual at home but alas, no holmes stories that year 😔) but i have a few sources i got illustrations for the bracket from, plus just editing/cleaning up what i could of the ones that i couldnt find in better quality. i'v said a bit of this before but i havent actually gone through with links/explanations so:

Sources for Holmes Illustrations

Wikisource-UK Strand Holmes Portal - missing most of the Return collection for some reason, but a great source for Adventures, Memoirs, and Casebook, plus HOUN. generally good quality resolution but a bunch are edited to have transparent backgrounds which can be annoying depending on how you're trying to use it. (probably your best bet if you love those crisp-lined paget ones from Memoirs, which are also a lot of my favourites dskfdk)

And then more generally you can find a lot of stuff just clicking around the individual stories' pages on wikisource and wikimedia commons, im not gonna link to all those for the sake of brevity but theyre easy to find

ACD Encyclopedia - im linking directly to STUD so you can see the page format but at the bottom of each story's page is a more or less full list of known illustrations, these are not always great quality but its a good place for reference and there are a few where this was the only source i could find at all (the Steele piece for DYIN comes to mind)

Archive.org: Strand // Collier's // Hearst's Intl etc . The strand scans are pretty comprehensive but vary wildly in quality from some of the best ive found to ones so covered in moiree artifacts that they were not even salvagable. But especially for the later stories with Wiles and Elcock, it was often the only reliable source. Collier's is missing a lot of issues but you can sometimes find things and at least the covers are usually good. Hearst's i can only find for 1923 but its a rly good scan so if anyone can find the 21, 22, and 24 from the same source im 👀.

and I have had no luck at all locating online resources for the other magazines but i love seeing the pages in their original context so im kind of passively looking all the time lmao

I thinkk that covers where i got everything, obviously its been a while since i was doing all this so i might have missed something and there may be other places i never found, but these were the major sources i used at the time. Im not sure if this will help with Hutchinson since i was focusing on first publications only and im pretty sure he was only on book collections iirc? But i think his are on wikimedia at least.

#if hutchinson was in first print collections then woops he should definitely have been included at least in the elimination round #but hes not in my spreadsheet so i must hav ruled it out for some reason #sorry my memory is so bad dskfksfh #uh but yea i had fun with the puzzle of digging around for the best quality images and i lov to share resources so #i also fwiw did not go looking for any of the like originals or full color versions #like ik w paget theres some of the sketches and watercolors extant #which i have not looked for and so cannot help with #but theyre around #and presumably thered b a few of those for the other artists #at least maybe steele?#but yea also i read an article i THINK in the cambridge holmes handbook about pagets illustrations #and how they effected the popularity so much and the perception of the characters in general #and it rly stuck with me so! i do love seeing how into it ppl seem to be!#modern holmes fans 🤝 original strand readers

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solradguy · 11 months

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hello solradguy! as someone who is interested in learning how to translate japanese, i was wondering what your approach was to learning japanese! did you go in knowing you wanted to translate writing, and focus your efforts on reading? or did you try to learn all aspects of it at once (ie audio recognition, speaking, pitch accent, etc)

I started learning it because, at the time (2015), I was still doing art in mostly analog formats and a lot of really good inking supplies came exclusively from Japan with fully Japanese packaging. It was really frustrating having to rely on machine translation to figure out things like replacing pen cartridges or pen nibs upkeep/maintenance. My focus then was reading and I never really shifted from that; I can't verbally speak it and my audio recognition is only marginally better haha

Translating Guilty Gear stuff sort of happened by accident, and improved my Japanese more than anything else I was using to study with (which was mostly Duolingo, Wanikani, and Tofugu articles 😬). I couldn't find anyone else that was actively working on getting stuff into English and there was a massive backlog of official literature that hadn't even been so much as scanned, so I was like "Well, if no one else is gonna do it..." lmao It later turned out that there was stuff that had been translated, it was just kinda stashed away on niche websites or Discord servers.

Artworks of Guilty Gear X 2000-2007 captions were my first non-Japanese workbook translation project and got me to really start taking my Japanese studies seriously. There weren't files of pretty much any of the illustrations in that book online that were in decent quality. It was actually faster/easier just scanning a page (at the time) than manually cleaning and upscaling one.

This was the very first Guilty Gear thing I ever scanned (March '22) and the caption that went with it:

They’re half-realistically drawn here. At the time, I wanted to pursue texture in my drawings and used many thick layers of Copic markers to try to achieve that. I don’t think it was pointless, but if it’s going to take too much time to do such things, acrylic paints would be better. - Cover of the August 2000 issue of Arcadia Monthly.

It's a lot clunkier than how I would translate it now haha I've improved so much since then...

I used to physically write out the captions and translate them in a notebook. Here's how the first pass of this caption went:

They were only half realistically drawn. At that time I wanted to pursue texture in my drawings, so I used a thick coat of Copic marker. I don't think it's "pointless," but if it's going to take too much time to pursue such things, I think acrylic would be better.

It's fun going through this notebook and seeing these old translations. Eventually I got good enough at doing it in my head that I stopped writing them out, but sometimes really long sentences still trip me up. Japanese word order.......

These days I get most of my practice by doing Renshuu flashcards/games and reading posts by my Japanese mutuals over on Twitter. Even though I'm still actively translating GG stuff, the projects have gotten much bigger and there isn't anything left that's like the Artworks 2007 captions that I could whip out in about an hour anymore, it's all long paragraphs or manga dialog.

I still don't have much desire to practice speaking or listening skills because I would never get any use out of them where I live in the Midwest USA—they'd get rusty fast if I didn't practice religiously. But I do handle Japanese text very often and am fine with focusing 100% of my study time on just reading/writing instead.

#asks #long post #That old saying that's like 'The best way to improve at something is to go insane for it' is 1000% honestly so super true lmfao

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windowlessatmosphere · 1 year

Text

Thought We’d Get Married and Have Kids and Stuff

Summary: Sky and Prapai get roped into babysitting Prapai's little cousin for a few hours. Predictably, this leads to Sky panicking about the future and hoping nobody notices. Prapai notices.

“Do you think it’s all right with the shoes?”

“It’s fine with the shoes,” Prapai groaned, falling backwards onto the bed with a loud groan.

“P’Sky?”

“I don’t know…” he deliberated, scanning Phan up and down as he thought about it. “What are the other options?”

“Ooh!” She perked up at that, excited. “I have off-white, or cream, or—”

“How are those not the same?” Prapai wondered aloud, staring up at the ceiling. He was ignored.

“Here,” Phan said, shoving a pile of shoes at Sky. He started picking through them, occasionally holding one up against her dress.

“What about these?” He asked, holding out a light-brown, suede, strappy heel.

“Yes,” she hissed immediately, aggressively kicking her shoes off to replace them with the new pair. “Oh, that’s perfect,” she sighed once she had them on, turning to the side as she stared at her reflection. “All good?” she double-checked, turning back to Sky.

“All good,” he confirmed, smiling.

“You’re gonna be late,” Prapai chimed in, propping himself up on his elbows.

“I am not,” she returned crossly, rifling through the mess of clothes on the bed to find her phone. “Shit!” she exclaimed, as soon as she’d picked it up. “I gotta go!”

“Have fun!” Sky called after her as she practically ran out the door.

“Finally,” Prapai sighed happily, shoulders relaxing. “I don’t know how you can stand it.”

“I like spending time with your sister,” Sky said honestly. “It’s nice.”

Prapai shrugged noncommittally, but the corners of his mouth twitched up a bit.

“I’m gonna…” Sky stood up, nodding at the pile of clothes on the bed before he started hanging things back up.

“Skyyyy,” Prapai whined.

“What?” Sky laughed.

“If you clean,” Prapai explained patiently, “then I have to clean.”

“No, you don’t,” Sky dismissed the notion easily, grabbing an armful of empty hangers from the closet.

“Yes, I do,” Prapai argued, finally getting up to help. It was sweet of him, although Sky ended up having to rehang half of what he’d done, and reorganize everything afterwards. Apparently, he hadn’t noticed the color-coding.

Sky was just moving the last couple things to their correct places when one of their phones rang.

“Hello?” Prapai said, sitting on the side of the bed as he answered. “Um…” he trailed off hesitantly, looking at Sky with a questioning look.

“What?” Sky asked, when there wasn’t anything else forthcoming.

“Can we…babysit for a few hours?” Prapai asked, an unsure look on his face.

“What?” Sky asked again, brow furrowing in confusion. “For who?”

“My uncle,” Prapai explained, tilting the phone away from his head. “I watch his kid sometimes. But if you’re not…”

“It’s fine,” Sky told him, shrugging lightly. They’d watch the kid for a few hours, and that would be that. The fact that Prapai apparently watched his cousin regularly was definitely reassuring.

“Yeah, no problem,” Pai said into the phone, smiling widely. “Sure. Yeah. See you then.” He hung up, grinning endearingly at Sky. “This is great!” he enthused. “You get to meet Bee! He’s the cutest thing ever,” he gushed. “Well,” Pai corrected himself, “the second-cutest, anyway.” Sky rolled his eyes and tried to suppress a smile.

Prapai’s uncle showed up twenty minutes later with Bee in tow, looking apologetic. “I’m so sorry,” he told both of them. “It’s his nanny’s day off, and the babysitter canceled last-minute.”

“It’s totally fine, uncle,” Prapai reassured him. “I’m always happy to watch him.”

“Thank you,” Frost stressed again, giving Prapai a quick hug and kissing Bee on the forehead before heading off. He and Sky had nodded at each other, not quite sure of what else to do.

“Uncle Pai?” Bee asked in a small voice. “Can we draw pictures?”

“Of course we can,” Prapai agreed instantly, scooping Bee up and settling him on his hip. Sky did his best not to find that extremely cute, but he was only human. Prapai headed towards the living room, Bee in tow, and Sky followed closely behind them. As soon as Pai set Bee down, he hurried over to one of the bookshelves flanking the TV. He started rummaging in a basket on the lowest shelf before heading back to the couch with his arms full.

“Here you go,” he told Sky, giving him a coloring book. He gave one to Prapai as well, who took it before helping him up onto the couch. “We can share,” he said, settling a truly massive box of crayons on his lap. Prapai plucked out a few colors before offering a random handful to Sky. Bee happily grabbed a fistful as well, and Pai moved the box to the coffee table.

“What are you gonna color?” Pai asked him, looking over his shoulder as he flipped through the pages. Most of the pages were already colored in, some clearly done by adults and some clearly not.

“A tiger!” Bee told him excitedly, proudly brandishing the empty page.

“Cool!” Prapai mirrored his level of enthusiasm, and Sky bit back a smile.

He opened his own book, flipping until he found a fresh page. A dinosaur. All right. He looked at his crayons, putting some back and selecting more appropriate colors. He started shading carefully, realizing he couldn’t remember the last time he’d used crayons.

“What are you doing, Uncle Pai?” Bee asked. Sky looked up to see Prapai showing Bee his drawing, which was a cartoon cat eating a doughnut. Pai had already started to color the cat pink. Outrageous.

Bee didn’t seem to mind, though, happily praising the cat and going back to his own drawing. His method seemed to mostly consist of scribbling green across the entire page, without regard to where any of the lines were. Sky looked down at his own page, briefly considering relaxing a bit before he decided against it.

They colored for a while, which Sky had initially assumed would be a quiet, mostly solitary activity. This was not the case. Not that he particularly minded Bee asking him questions or showing off his drawing or adding a heart on the dinosaur’s stomach. It was all rather cute, actually. He was having fun, he realized. Coloring. With his boyfriend. And a five-year old.

A very cute five-year old, Sky thought fondly, holding back a laugh as he watched Prapai tickle Bee.

Somehow, that turned into Prapai throwing the kid around for a while, which he seemed to enjoy immensely, despite Sky’s anxieties. Once the throwing was over, Sky corralled them both into the kitchen for a snack, fairly certain that it was a necessity.

“I want grapes,” Bee demanded, tugging on Pai’s pant leg.

“Hmmm,” Prapai furrowed his brow, over exaggerating his expression.

“I want grapes please,” Bee corrected himself, still tugging Pai’s pants.

“Okay then,” Prapai acquiesced with a chuckle.

“Do you like grapes?” Bee asked, turning to look at Sky.

“Um, yes,” Sky answered.

“P’Sky wants grapes please,” Bee said, swiveling his head back to Prapai. Sky turned his head away to hide the fact that he was laughing, guessing Prapai was probably at the same point. It looked like it, at least, when Sky finally turned back around, but he never actually broke.

“Okay, then,” Prapai eventually agreed. “Sky can have grapes.”

They sat at the kitchen island to eat their snack, Sky occasionally scolding Prapai for throwing grapes and Prapai pouting when he did so. Somehow, the five-year old was managing not to throw food, which was apparently a task too difficult for his boyfriend.

After their snack, Bee requested a movie. When Sky asked him what he wanted to watch, Prapai laughed loudly enough from the kitchen to be heard in the living room.

“The Lion King!” Bee said excitedly, bouncing a little where he was seated on the couch.

“Okay,” Sky agreed easily, still confused by Pai’s reaction. He sat down and grabbed the remote, trying not to jolt with surprise when Bee cuddled into his side like it was nothing. Prapai emerged from the kitchen and cuddled into his other side, making it difficult to actually start the movie.

“I need my arm,” he insisted.

“It’s my arm now,” Prapai informed him.

“Just for a minute,” he wheedled. Prapai pouted and released him for only as long as it took for the movie to start playing. As soon as it did, he was wrapped around Sky again, his head on Sky’s shoulder.

“Do you know how many times I’ve seen The Lion King?” he whispered into Sky’s neck, vaguely disgruntled. Sky pressed his lips together to hide a smile, now understanding Prapai’s earlier reaction.

Halfway through the movie, Sky realized how quiet Bee was and glanced down, only to find him sound asleep where he was lying on Sky. He elbowed Prapai, nodding towards the sleeping child, but he didn’t get a response.

“P’Pai?” he murmured. He turned his head slightly and was greeted by the sight of a dozing Prapai. Apparently, it ran in the family. Sky shook his head fondly before realizing that this meant he couldn’t move and sighed instead. He looked down at Bee again, marveling at just how much he looked like Pai. It made sense. They were cousins, after all, but he really looked just like a miniature Prapai.

Their kids might look like that.

Whoa.

Where the hell had that come from?

Sky turned his attention back to the television, determined to ignore the mounting panic in his head. They weren’t married, they weren’t even engaged, for God’s sake. It was way too early to be thinking about that kind of thing.

Way too early, Sky repeated mentally, his eyes drifting sideways towards Prapai. He wasn’t even sure if Prapai wanted kids. Although, he might, given how happy he’d been to babysit and how well he took care of Bee. He’d never mentioned anything, though. Not that he should have. Again, way too early.

Bee sighed in his sleep, cuddling further into Sky’s side. Sky tried to focus on the movie, ignoring any thoughts that were trying to creep in.

…

This could be their future.

…

Damn it .

He was immensely relieved when the doorbell rang, hoping with all his heart that it was Frost. His phone chimed with a text. It was Frost. Thank god. Hopefully, this train of thought would end when Bee left. Out of sight, out of mind.

Sky carefully shook Bee by the shoulders until he woke, gently dislodging him.

“Wake up,” he directed at Prapai, shaking his shoulder far more vigorously as he stood up.

“Hi,” he greeted Prapai’s uncle as he opened the door.

“How was he?” Frost asked, looking wary.

“He was great,” Sky reassured him. “He and P’Pai fell asleep watching The Lion King,” he added. Frost nodded knowingly at the mention of the movie, and Sky stifled a laugh.

“Here we go,” Prapai voiced from behind Sky, appearing with an armful of Bee. He was apparently determined to make things very hard for Sky.

“Hey, buddy,” Frost grinned widely as he took Bee from Pai. “Did you have a good time?”

“Mhmm,” Bee confirmed, snuggling into his father’s chest, looking like he was about to fall right back asleep.

“What do you say?” Frost prompted.

“Thank you,” Bee mumbled, eyes fluttering shut. “Bye, Uncle Pai. Bye, P’Sky.”

“Bye,” Prapai swooped in to peck Bee on the forehead, and Sky tried not to picture that scene with their own child. “I’ll see you soon, okay?” Bee just hummed at that, and Sky wasn’t sure if he’d actually registered it.

“Bye, Bee,” Sky said softly. He and Prapai waved off Frost and Bee before closing the door.

“That was fun,” Prapai said once they’d left. There was a hint of a question in his voice.

“It was,” Sky agreed, watching as Pai’s shoulders relaxed a bit.

“Maybe a little stressful,” Prapai hedged.

“What?” Sky frowned. “It seemed super easy for you.”

“No, Bee’s great,” Prapai agreed. “Not stressful. But…”

“But what?”

“But you seem a little stressed,” Prapai finally said, raising an eyebrow as he waited for Sky’s response. Honestly, though, what was he supposed to say? Sorry, I freaked out because you look like your cousin and it made me think about what our kids might be like? Yeah, that was so not happening.

“Did you not want to babysit?” Prapai asked. “Or…did I do something?”

Shit.

Apparently, it was happening.

“No,” Sky reassured him, sighing in defeat. “I just…I got in my head about some stuff, and I freaked out a little.” Don’t ask what stuff, don’t ask what stuff, don't ask what stuff…

“What kind of stuff?”

Great.

“I—” Sky started, before cutting himself off. There was really no way this was going to go well. “I guess…you guys look alike,” he said. Prapai nodded, but looked fairly lost. “And…it made me think. I guess. About…our kids. What they might look like,” he clarifies. “And I know that’s crazy, okay? I already know that, which is why it kinda freaked me out, because I don’t know why I’m thinking about that, because it’s way too early to be thinking about that, and I don’t—”

“Sky,” Prapai cut him off softly, curling his hands gently around Sky’s wrists, which he hadn’t realized he’d raised defensively. “You were thinking about our kids?”

Sky blushed furiously at that, hurrying to explain further, “No, I know it’s too early, I was just telling you what I was thinking, but it’s not like I was really considering it, or anything, or—”

“Sky,” Prapai cut him off again, an amused smile on his face this time. “It’s okay,” he reassured, pulling Sky in by the hold he had on his wrists.

“But…” Sky trailed off, not sure what he wanted to say.

“I’ve thought about it,” Prapai admitted. Some sort of explosion went off in Sky’s brain, and he did his best to keep a straight face. What.

“What?” Sky demanded to know.

“I think about everything with you,” Prapai said, easily. Like it was obvious. Like there was no other option. Another explosion went off in Sky’s mind. “I love you,” Prapai told him, and that was also easy. Sky looked at him for a moment.

“I love you, too.”

#love in the air #prapaisky #prapai lita #sky lita #lita fanfiction #prapaisky fanfic

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jaimistoryteller · 2 years

Note

Hello! This is your friendly inquiry to answer this ask with whatever you'd like to talk about right now! Whether that be a story you're working on, something you're excited or worried about, or just something random you happen to know.

All the love,

~ toribookworm ❤️

*smiles* it was a pleasant surprise to see the notification for this in my email.

It got a bit long, so I put it under a read more

*blinks* An invite to babble about what I want to talk about, hmmm, *head tips* well. Lately there's a been a lot of stuff going on. Most of which hasn't been good. I've been trying not to stress, but it isn't exactly working the way I want. My insomnia has been flaring up cause of pain *sighs*.

I've been working on coloring pages for my patreon. Here's the free ones I did for Valentine's Day, the rest I've done so far are part of the $1 a month tier. Haven't had anyone sign up in a long while, but hey, I am working on getting my patreon active and stable around my health hating me.

I've also done a little bit of digital art, Stiles/Bucky for Inell's birthday and her series In the Shadows. With it, I used a few new brushes I downloaded, and some new styles I have been trying out. There's been a lot of downloading and sorting of brushes to play with.

I've also made some gimp brushes of my own, which will get added to patreon as well, depending on the brush set, they'll either be early release for my patreons and then public for free fourteen days later. Most were created to make things easier when doing art for the coloring pages.

When I have the energy, I'm gonna test all my Sims4 CC for putting on there as well. I made a lot last year for that purpose, but then couldn't figure out how to clean copy test it. I was doing some cleaning when I remembered I have my old laptop, which does run Sims4 and I can use it. I had gotten it fixed last year, after it sat dead for a long while, in case this laptop goes down again, as it has done that twice due to life going wrong.

Writing has been hard. Well, maybe hard is the wrong word. I open up a doc on the computer or touchpad to write, and the words run the hell away *grumbles and shakes head*. Yet I can hand write plenty. Just means I will have to scan it in.

My muse has been focused on a Peter/Stiles unexpected pregnancy fic *grumbles like frustrated cat*.

I have all these other projects I want to work on, but no *side eyes writing notebook and the muse*. That's the one my muse likes, to the tune of more than 30 front/back hand written college rule paper.

Then when I can physically handle it, I do little things around my house. At least they feel little over all, even if they are huge as far as my body cares. So much pain caused, but I love the progress. I'm slowly getting my house repaired and rebuilt. I hate that every little repair ends up physically costing me hours where I am passed out cause pain, or wishing I was. *sighs*.

I get tired of having to beg for help, yet that is sadly a regular thing in my world. I'm sure others get tired of seeing it. It's sadly part of since commissions and my limited amount from patreon doesn't always cover the bills. I apply for small jobs where I can, but alas, due to health, that rarely works either.

I really appreciate the message and offer to babble. Apologies if it ended up being a bit more than expected, or wanted.

How is everything for you? anything you'd like to babble on?

#about me #about Jaimi #random chatter #stressful stuff discussed

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the-firebird69 · 3 months

Video

youtube

MACKLEMORE & RYAN LEWIS - THRIFT SHOP FEAT. WANZ (OFFICIAL VIDEO)

He says that there are grandfather not grandpa I agree too is there Stephanie says this is top of the line stuff. In the thrift shop we think it's the max insulting people and they are. But really a lot of these things are very cool and they don't come up with stuff like this mac daddy did a few but really they say it's them having it done and this kid does a lot of stuff because he wants to and we could be in actual trouble but let's face it these people were very wealthy they had a huge network down below and the max were not winning and we're hiding and for good reason. And they did not do massively well until recently when the clans left and we don't know what they're doing and they could kick our **** or they could be covered because they were right on them and we see what happens to people but yeah this is some **** **** stuff OK it's in the thrift shop and everything goes down to the bottom or what appears to be the bottom the in our area but what's for sale is ridiculous. There's boxes that are thousands of years old and they look like they're only 20 or 30 or 50 years old and they're made out of Entwood and it's it's illegal to have it as illegal to have it's not made out of people but you don't understand that these things are all heirlooms and hallmarks and just massively important he came up with all sorts of things designs and they are incredible things and some of them are in there I went in and I said I know what this is and this I started looking I said This is the real thing and I bought a whole bunch of stuff and I'm happy with it and I tell you what I'm cleaning it up and I'm storing it right and I might even display a lot of it in a mansion or two of mine. And put it in a case that's indestructible it's a good suggestion that way I can get away with it. It's hard to take. I like what he's saying what he's saying is we're all gonna kind of be building it and we're all gonna build our own we don't get along at all that will each have a part and that part will be sent to a warehouse and we'll be running the warehouse and it's how dumb it is and we have to get these cars out there because the Max will go after them because he's gonna redesign it and it's gonna be close to what the real thing is and whether or not it is they don't care they go after our vader cars like the plague and we're using them and they work this will be a West Coast car and the West Coast is not as easy as you think we think it works though and you look at the videos and there's some odd people and if you blink you miss it we think there's a car in the background in in Tommy FA video and it looks wicked. Let's get together and try and figure out what to do and he says that the design you might have to try and get to someone it's going to be different he says and we do understand that is it take too long it takes him a year and a half wasn't very. And this is awkward but weird and strange but terrific. It will be their design they're going to hand us a design and they never do that but it's really from him so we have to try and figure out if it's from others he knows maybe even Ken

the todd

You see what those triggers and we know how it is you feel they go to New Hampshire first no they put in New Hampshire later because he's not possessed like that until later and much later. Not trying to say that'll happen that way they're not saying that'll happen that way and nothing else or it's just what it logic says about the movie and the max might make it happen that way because of it this is an awesome time an awesome video this is helpful and we're going to look at the other one and we're going to get this going and we do know how to handle design off it'll be like ripped off

There are rumors that the design was found at the cia and it's because they took it from will and bill and they got an image and they scanned that's a different story.

Frank Castle hard castle

Actually happened it's actually the story

Duke Nukem blockbuster

Olympus

#youtube

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on-my-way-to-the-woods · 5 months

Text

F's week of medical adventures:

TL;DR: F got prescribed a medication that we had concerns about because of her reactions to a similar medication, had concerning symptoms directly after taking that med for the first time, doctor doesn't think it was medication related, doctor changes medication anyway, two days later doctor orders a CT scan (probably to cover their ass if there was a problem). Also F's GP is moving to California and we're heartbroken 😭

F's GP's office sent a referral to a pulmonologist (which isn't strictly necessary because we have a PPO, but it was super helpful because it meant they were checking the insurance stuff because our company still hasn't fixed our website access). She's still struggling despite being on the upper end of what the GP can provide so the pulmonologist approved her for an urgent appointment. We had that appointment this week.

Monday At the appointment they did 0 testing, said that the maintenance medication that F was on was rather lightweight (disagree, but I assume they meant that it didn't contain a Long-Acting Beta-Antagonist, F assumes they didn't read the medication correctly), said that the current rescue inhaler F is on is a "red flag" for not responding well to LABAs but that most people are completely fine so they're gonna go ahead and prescribe one anyway, did not ask further about why F is on that med, listened to her lungs a little and then sent her off with a follow up appointment in two months. We had specifically asked F's GP to avoid LABAs because of other health concerns and her reaction to Abuterol (a Short-Acting Beta-Antagonist).

I clearly need to read about medical communication because we keep telling nurses/etc. that she has bad reactions to Abuterol and they keep going "oh! Does it make you jittery?" 🤦 No. Her heart rate goes way up, she feels like shit, and she has to lie down for 2 hours so she doesn't fall over.

Tuesday The new prescription comes in, F takes it that evening (her regular time and we'd picked it up <1hr beforehand). Surprise, surprise, she feels like shit. It's a different flavor of feels like shit though. Pros: her heart rate didn't shoot up like it does for Abuterol and she is more capable of standing. Cons: nausea, dizziness, palpitations, high blood pressure, feeling jittery, and a sense that something is wrong. Just what you want out of a medication you have to take twice a day, right? /s. So she finishes up her bedtime routine and goes to bed. Then, in the middle of the night, F is woken up by very bad chest pain.

Wednesday We call the office in the morning to ask if she should take the morning dose or discontinue the medication. The answer we got was roughly 'well, those aren't listed side effects so I don't think it's related, but I'll ask the doctor.' The answer relayed to us was also that the doctor doesn't think it is related, but if we want we can change to a different medication without a LABA. (What we'd like is medical advice, thank you 🙄). We eventually pick trying a new medication because, if the chest pain is unrelated to the LABA, then it's probably pretty urgent that we figure that out now and go seek care for the chest pain problem. The nurse says they'll get the prescription sent in and we will have a nebulizer delivered to our doorstep. We're a little surprised, but whatever.

Thursday The medical equipment company calls F a few times to sort out insurance & billing stuff (unfortunately mostly during times F is having asthma issues). Then after that's all set, the equipment company's respiratory therapist calls to schedule a time to come set up the machine and show F how to use it. That's somewhat different than just delivering it to our doorstep....

Anyway, since we're supposed to leave early on Saturday for a road trip, we schedule the set-up for late Friday morning and then rushed around trying to clean the house.

After that, F gets a call directly from the doctor effectively saying 'sooo I have been thinking and I am going to order an urgent CT scan (if you want, but I'm ordering it anyway) to make sure nothing is drastically wrong but I'm sure it's (most likely) fine, but maybe you might want to do it just in case. Anyway, I won't be able to look at it until Monday. Also, you'll be fine once you get on [medication you potentially have bad reactions to]' We're presuming it's a cover-their-ass call, and at this point F feels ridiculous and like she's wasting everyone's time and overblowing things, but we talk through it together and she's convinced to go get the imaging done because it'll be good to have on hand and we're very likely to hit the deductible/out-of-pocket limit this year anyway. So, yes, imaging to check for dangerous and urgent condition, but it's fine if the images aren't reviewed until the next week 🙄

We schedule that for Friday afternoon and I spend the rest of the evening alternating calls between the insurance company and the hospital to make sure everything is in order. And then I stay up late cleaning.

Friday (F's birthday - I'd taken the day off work to surprise F, I guess that was a good decision 😅 ) I finish up CT phone calls and confirm that the CT pre-auth went through then call the medical equipment place to clarify some things since it's going very differently than we had thought

Her appointment with the equipment company's respiratory therapist went well, they seemed more concerned about F's symptoms than the doctor did - but that's our usual luck, anyone who is not an MD is worried about F. The machine is >$350, but the inhalers she's been using are mostly >$200, so this should be cheaper overall as long as she keeps using it and isn't swapped directly back to the other med. (We certainly could have bought one cheaper by ourselves, but it's better for us to go through insurance in this case).

Had lunch then ran off to the CT scan which itself was pretty quick, but it's a decently long drive so it took up the rest of the day. The CT technician was also very much 'no, don't worry, you definitely should have come in for this based on your symptoms' which helped reassure F somewhat. Then we both go home and crash (instead of packing)

Saturday We pack and leave and are very tired etc. etc. but at least there are no medical phone calls involved

Sunday Telehealth appointment with F's GP (who is amazing) and he shares that he's taking a job in California that's exactly what he wants to be doing. We're thrilled for him, but so so sad that he will be leaving 😭😭😭 Working with him has been great and he has improved F's life so much.

Monday The pulmonologist's office calls as we're driving back from the eclipse. The CT scan only showed a nodule in the lung - which they gave no information on and said they'd talk about it at her follow up appointment (in two months 🙃)

Tuesday We drove all the way back to the hospital (after driving a ton yesterday to get home) to pick up a copy of the CT scan so we can share it with other doctors as needed.

I guess we can't be 100% confident yet, but I think F is getting worse on this new medication instead of better. I can't find information on what an equivalent dose would be with the meds her GP had her on, but I suspect the dose for this new stuff is too low 😕

After writing all that up, no wonder why we're exhausted. This is the gist of it, but I definitely skipped over a number of smaller problems (e.g. the office sent the prescription in with incorrect patient details so F had to sort that out with the pharmacy, etc.). I need a vacation

#if you also have problems with Abuterol I highly recommend asking about Levabuterol. It's not covered by our insurance but the QOL #difference it has made for F has made it worth it for us. It doesn't solve all the effects but it is *so* much better #it's no longer a question about whether the symptoms or the treatment are worse #she can treat her asthma and actually do something instead of being prevented from doing things by the asthma and then again by the meds #also if you're in CA and need a medical care professional who will actually listen to you - DM me and I will share some info on F's GP #he does telehealth so anywhere in CA should be fine (and that's why I'm not concerned about giving away our location)#he's also amazing and I'm very happy for him #*sigh*#medical cw

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essenceofelegance · 6 months

Text

Poseidon’s (pt. 1)

Luke Castellan x poseidon!reader, Percy Jackson x halfsister!reader

m.list

pt. 2, pt. 3

warnings: none

You ran up to Luke from behind, wrapping your arms around his neck, “Hey, hero,” you greeted, kissing his neck with a smile.

You were a daughter of Poseidon, you’ve been dating Luke Castellan for four years now, you arrived at camp a couple months later than Luke.

“Who’s this?” you said, directing your gaze at the unclaimed Percy.

“Percy, he’s the one who killed the Minotaur,” Luke said as he leaned his face into your forehead, “Be nice, it’s his first day.”

You smiled, unwrapping your hand from his neck, “I’m always nice, that’s why everybody loves me,” you joked, as you walked in front of Luke to shake Percy’s hands.

“I’m Y/n, Poseidon’s,” you held out your hand with a warm smile.

“Percy,” Percy said as he shook your hand.

“What do you think?” Luke asked as he wrapped his arms around your waist, kissing your hair.

You and Luke have a tradition of guessing the Godly heritage of new campers, and so far, you were always right.

“Hm,” you said, “Has your mom ever said anything about your dad?” you asked Percy, “Hey, you can’t ask,” Luke said.

“Uh- No, I don’t think so.” Percy said.

“I say Poseidon,” you whispered in Luke’s ear as you sent him a wink and walked away.

“Earthshaker, Stormbringer, Father of Horses. Hail, Perseus Jackson, Son of the Sea God,” Chiron said.

You rushed up to where everything was happening, just in time to catch the fading trident above Percy’s head.

You quickly scanned the crowd for Luke, just to find that his eyes were already on yours. You sent him a victorious smirk.

You walked over to Percy.

“Well, I guess you have a sister now,” you said with a smile. “Yeah,” Percy flashed you a polite smile.

“Welcome to the family!” you patted Percy on the back, “Thanks,” Percy said, a genuine tone in his voice.

You were about to go clean up and make some space in the cabin for Percy, when you saw Luke coming over, “You owe me two days of dessert, Castellan,” you smiled.

“You win, again,” he sighed with a smile, “I really thought I would in this time.”

“Were you guys placing bets on me?” Percy asked.

You smiled, “Mhm. Tradition,” you sent another smirk at Luke, “And so far, I’ve won almost every single time.”

“You knew I was a Poseidon kid?” Percy frowned.

“You have dad’s eyes,” you gave him a smile.

“Come on,” you gestured for Percy to follow you, “Luke will help you with your stuff, I’ll go clean up the cabin.”

pt. 2

author: okay since a lot of you didn’t like sand on cheeks (series), i’m working on more luke stuff to keep you all happy. please tell me you like this- PART TWO IS GONNA BREAK SOME HEARTS.

⋆

Please do not re-upload my work on any platforms without permission.

Any reblogs, comments, likes, shares, and follows are appreciated.

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psychoqomp · 2 years

Text

marco polo

One eye rips open.

It stares at the wall, unblinking, feeling a powerful sense of dread dilate in the pupil. His harness is off. His shirt is off. He’s in his bed, laid out with a blanket put over him. His pants are on. Shoes are off. Socks are on.

He doesn’t usually go to bed like this, but he slowly crawls to sit up, looking around more closely. What was he doing again?

. . . Last night, Reaper came. Right, he remembers. In-person briefing, since this was a very delicate job he’d be going out on, and Silk didn’t want to risk even the slightest chance of a leak in communications. That, and he liked seeing him in person once in a while.

It was a good way to ensure he wasn’t going loose.

He can’t really remember the details. Did he pop out the expensive rice wine he’s got laying around for some real big job? That stuff could probably knock him out. . . Eeesh. He must’ve drank it after Reaper left, and now he can recall absolutely nothing. Ughhhhhh. He’ll just have to call him later and wing it.

Silk pushes him out of his king sized bed and mumbles, grabbing his shirt. No- this is not the one from yesterday, but one he’s set aside for later. And then his harness, neatly set there. Time to put it on. His voice mumbles, slurred and tired as he mumbles a few swears to himself- this shit is so annoying to slide on. There, there, theeere-

“Morning.”

That gravely voice- seeped in alcohol and cigarettes- makes him freeze to his very core as he feels gloved hands run against his back, settling the harness from the back. And then the hands are gone, and his panic-induced hearing finally registers the sound of Reaper’s shoes against the floorboards as he disappears further into his apartment.

There’s a whole flood of thoughts going through his head at a mile a minute, eventually settling on checking the clock. 9:43 AM. It really is the next day.

So many ways where things could’ve gone wrong. He looks absolutely mortified as he slowly exits his bedroom and down the hall into the kitchen, hand rubbing against his face. Okay, empirical proof that it was a wild night: the rice wine bottle is still there and totally empty. There is only one glass. Not two.

One.

. . . Wait, no, there’s a second, but it looks to be in much better shape.

More proof: Reaper’s jacket is on the coat rack, the man himself working on something or other in the kitchen- muscular back turned his way, contained in a slightly too small white shirt. Guess salarymen don’t have the time to go clothes shopping, or more than likely Reaper doesn’t care.

Considering the incredibly scratchy beard that isn’t being taken care of, Silk doesn’t have high hopes for Reaper’s personal grooming.

“Here.”

And in the time it’s taken for Silk to think about these things for god knows what reasons, Reaper’s placed a plate on the kitchen table. Eggs and bacon. Very simple. It doesn’t even look exquisite- the egg is a bit sloppy looking. He’s surprised he even had bacon in the fridge.

“Already made my own.”

And Silk can see that there’s a plate set next to the sink. Picked clean for the most part. Glass of milk on the side, and Silk sees no reason but to sit down, confused. What in the living hell.

Of course, despite the surprised look, his eyes are constantly scanning his apartment for clues. The couch looks like someone’s maybe slept on it, considering the cushions are very out of place- and Silk never actually lays on the couch. The sculpture he’s been working on seems fine, the chisel and so are in their usual places. . .

Hmm.

From what he can gather, Reaper must’ve slept on the couch, perhaps after Silk got drunk. Did he invite him to stay? That might be. Reaper doesn’t look like the sort of guy who’d stick around uninvited, at least. Furthermore,

“Gonna eat?”

The question is not asked accusingly- nor in any way, really. A question is a question, but somehow it drives Silk to sit down and start eating with a bit too much enthusiasm for just two seconds before he recomposes professionally, like always. There’s a quick glance to Reaper-

his eyes seem alive for a bit.

and- then he continues eating. Why’d he take note of something as subjective as someone’s eyes feeling more alive? Ugh. The food is decent. He could’ve made himself a better breakfast, but he appreciates the help.

“Hope you slept all that rice wine off. Didn’t think you drank like a fish.”

He doesn’t, which is the kicker.

“Well, you know how it gets. The atmosphere starts getting to you, and-” He stabs his fork into the yolk and lifts the whole egg up, watching yellow drip down white. “- I just can’t control myself! You know how it is with me and my youthful vigor, hehee.”

As long as he plays along that he at least remembers what happened, it’ll be fine. Reaper’s leaning against the kitchen counter, arms folded as his lone visible eye stares at the plate, before eventually shrugging and making a strange noise that Silk eventually registers is supposed to be him laughing.

It travels down his spine and strikes him somewhere best not spoken out loud, despite how it beats.

“Youthful vigor. . . Yeah. Don’t drink so hard in the future, okay? It was a handful with you dragging me around the apartment, like onto the couch. Even I got pretty buzzed, and I drink a lot.”

His fork splits the egg apart while listening, pretending that he’s eating. Reaper has walked past, grabbing his coat from the rack.

“Thanks for letting me sleep over. It was fun. I’ll call you later when I get to the job site. You know the routine, right?”

He glances over his shoulder to Silk, who has split the egg into so many small pieces, spreading the yolk everywhere while trying to keep himself calm- even as a warm sweat runs down the back of his neck.

“Of course! C’mon, git. You’re gonna be late and it's gonna be a bother to improv your routine, you bum.”

Another grating sound that is akin to a laugh as Reaper pulls his coat on, tightens his tie and runs a single hand through his hair, as if that’s going to make the bedhead look any better. Silk isn’t looking, but somehow he just knows this man is smiling- just a little, if at all- by an inch and no more.

And an inch can penetrate many places at high velocity.

“Alright. Be good.”

And the door opens and closes, and Silk is left alone in his apartment. Just him and his thoughts and his unfinished sculpture and the splintered wonder egg that stares him in the face- alongside the bacon. And his brain is busy, so busy, gathering these clues and putting them together.

He gets up after finishing his meal, leaving the plate there as he trails back to the bedroom. The side he slept on is as it was, and the other side has been folded neatly. He squints at it.

And he lifts the pillow and presses it against his face. Smells of alcohol, and- something like. . . He’s not sure what, actually. But it’s not a smell he recognizes, and his mind races and ponders and comes to the obvious conclusion, slowly lowering the pillow from his face.

Hm.

And before he can fully internalize this, his phone bleeps, and there’s a message that makes him drop everything to hastily answer, almost dropping it on the floor. This hurry is only because he intrinsically knows just who is messaging him; after all, an inch is enough to penetrate even a human heart.

“forgot something there”

“gonna come get it later”

Silk frowns and sits on the edge of his bed, one hand hugging the pillow against his chest while the other types.

“i own it now, fuck you”

pause.

“fair enough” is returned, and that’s all Reaper writes.

Haa. He almost wonders what he’ll drop next when Reaper texts him. What an idiot- he himself, that is.

He’s never getting drunk again in his life.

#psychopomp #silk #reaper #canon

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chrrywavs · 2 years

Text

Help myself

ੈ✩‧₊˚𝔖𝔲𝔪𝔪𝔞𝔯𝔶: you’re sleeping over Eddie’s place for the first time since you came back from college, however Eddie being Eddie, has been feeling particularly needy especially in that department.

ੈ✩‧₊˚𝔚𝔞𝔯𝔫𝔦𝔫𝔤𝔰: 18+ minors DNI, dry humping, a bit of cnc, a bit of perv!Eddie

ੈ✩‧₊˚ 𝔓𝔞𝔦𝔯𝔦𝔫𝔤: Eddie x female reader

╔══ ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ══╗

After four long months of having been apart from you Eddie was excited to finally hold you in his arms for the first time since winter break. The only thing that had kept him going these past months were the routine phone calls you two made every morning and night, as well as that porno magazine you gifted him on Christmas that had nothing but your naked body posed in so many different positions, curtesy of your friends Robin and Nancy who gave you the idea and helped take the photos.

The magazine had quickly become his prized possession, he especially enjoyed the photo of you with his favorite pare of pink lace thongs that he had gifted you for your birthday the year prior. You were sat against the wall with the panties stuffed deep inside your cunt as your thumb and pointer finger squeezed lightly at your nipples. Eddie had jerked off many times to that photo in specific, as he imagined you sprawled out under begging for him to stuff you up with your panties and him slowly pulling them out before stuffing them into his mouth.

Eddie rushed around his trailer making sure the place was at least presentable for his girl. He even burnt a scented candle in a feeble attempt to mask musky air in hopes that it wouldn’t be to much of a giveaway as to how excited he and his friend were to see you. As Eddie was throwing the last of his dirty laundry into the hamper, he heard three light knocks coming from the living room. Eddie rushed towards the front door quickly scanning the room for any more mess. Pleased with himself Eddie swung the door open revealing his beautiful girlfriend that stood at his steps with a goofy smile plastered on her face.

“Eddie!” You squealed throwing yourself at him almost tumbling him to the ground. After Eddie balanced himself against the kitchen counter he indulged himself into your embrace. his arms wrapping around your small frame, kissing every inch of your face.

“This is gonna be the best spring break ever! I did all my homework, I made sure all my projects were finished and I even made sure my spring cleaning was done before I got here!” You listed off all your chores on your fingers. “You called off work right? Like I said to?” You waited for his response as he tucked a loose strand of hair behind your ear.

“Oh shoot! I forgot” Eddie groaned against your hair.

“What! I told you to make sure you requested some time off!” Your smile turned into a pout and your brows frowned together sure that your spring break would now be ruined. A small smirk slowly grew on Eddie’s face before lifting you off the ground and sitting you onto the kitchen counter.

“I’m Only joking babe” Eddie kissed your hairline. “So stop pouting and give me a kiss, a real kiss” Eddie cupped your face squeezing your cheeks together forcing your lips to pucker. Eddie chuckled at your squished face before leaning down and connecting his lips to yours.

“You don’t know how much I’ve missed you” Eddie whispered into your mouth as your hand came up and tangled between his long brown curly locks.

“Mmm? How much?” You teased biting his bottom lip. Eddie groaned as you slowly released it from between your teeth.

“Let me show you” Eddie began trailing kisses from your lips down to your neck while slowly grinding his hips against yours. knowing how quickly Eddie was to work up and knowing the unfortunate circumstances of you being on your period, you had to cut him off.

“Slow down big guy.” You placed your hand on his shoulder halting his movements. “I know how much you need it, trust me so do I, but not yet. Later okay? I Promise” you gave him your most sincere doe eyes that you could muster up feeling quite bad for having prolonged your boyfriends suffering just for a day or two when your fully over your period.

“But-“ Eddie began to argue but quickly lost himself in your eyes. “ugh fine, I’ll wait” Eddie huffed in defeat. You quickly pecked his lips before jumping off the counter, Eddie couldn’t resist watching as your tits bounced on impact.

“C’mon, I brought movies and snacks” you made your way to your bag as you threw it over the sofa taking out all five movies Robin and put aside for you, days prior to your arrival. “Let’s see…” Eddies eyes watched you intently as focused on splaying out each movie so Eddie would be able to choose. “We have nightmare on elm street, the breakfast club, Batman, the outsiders, and the evil dead. Which one you wanna watch first?” You look at him waiting for his response but all he could do is stare at your cleavage. “Eddieee” you waved your hand in his face bringing him back to reality.

“I’m sorry-what?” He smiled clearing his throat.

“I said what movie do you want to watch?” He looked at him as he slowly made his way towards you sliding his finger over each movie cover before stopping on nightmare on elm street and lifting it towards your face “perfect!”

༺✯༻

After a long night of binge watching movies and munching on snacks you both decided to call it a night. Eddie knowing your fear of the dark always kept his lamp on making sure the room wasn’t to bright but never fully dark.

As much as Eddie tried to sleep, he couldn’t. The overwhelmingly tight feeling in his pants never subsided since you arrived. even when he had excused himself to the bathroom to wank off a quick one, his hard on immediately returned each time you shuffled against him lightly grazing your hand or your ass against his crotch. If it weren’t for your innocent mind, Eddie would have assumed you were doing it on purpose. But then again Eddie knew just how cruel his girlfriend can really be, teasing him knowing how badly he needed you, and never letting him touch you. Eddies eyes slowly grazed your body, admiring how peaceful and innocent you looked sleeping, oh how he wanted nothing but to absolutely ruin you.

Your lips were parted slightly reminding Eddie of your first time trying to stuff him into your mouth tears streaming down your cheeks as you struggled choking on him. his eyes moved down to your slim neck remembering how much you loved being marked up by him, and how much he loved marking you up. Especially right before you go back across state showing all those pathetic horny frat boys that the objects of they’re desires was already being fucked into by Hawkins very own freak. It turned him on knowing that he had the very thing that those douchebags could only dream of touching.

Eddie trailed his eyes lower stopping at your breast, the way they sat so nice against his bed, the way your small white tank top showcased them so beautifully, the way your nipple peaked through begging to be played with. His eyes continued down further following your silhouette under his thin blanket, how his lamp perfectly illuminated your curves. Eddie licked his lips and began palming himself through his boxers he couldn’t help himself anymore. Small barley audible moans escaped His lips as the sensation in his underwear went from uncomfortable to an unbearable amount. Eddie couldn’t take it anymore, he carefully reached for your boob cupping one in between his palm massaging it while the other continued to work at his throbbing dick.

The feeling of Eddie’s hand playing with your boob while you were sleeping wasn’t all to weird, In fact it was actually something quite normal between the two of you. sometimes Eddie just liked playing with your boobs in a non sexual way but more so as a stress reliever. However when you felt Eddie turn you onto your chest and slowly lay on top pressing his erection between your bottom cheeks you became confused “Ed’s what are you doing?” You groaned still mid sleep.

“Shh, s’okay baby. Just go back to sleep” Eddie cooed into your ear caressing your cheek “I’m just gonna help myself okay? Will you let me do that?” He asked before reaching over and kissing your cheek.

You smiled before snuggling your head back into His pillow, a quiet consent for Eddie. Slowly Eddie tucked his hand into his boxers scooping out his cock before pressing it against your ass. Eddie began slowly rutting his hips against you trying to find the pace that gave him the most pleasure before finally settling on slowly bringing himself towards his end. Eddie smiled to himself as he currently realized his position and just how truly lucky he was to have you. Even when your sleeping you’d still let Eddie use you like a whore to get himself off. He began grinding himself faster whimpering in your ear, and although you wanted to sleep you couldn’t help but fight the feeling and stay awake listening to the sweet sounds that Eddie made.

Eddie spewed out a couple profanities as well as your name as he slowly picked up his pace rolling his hips into you, his throbbing dick oozing out small amounts of his cum. you knew Eddie could use a little help, so that’s exactly what you did. “F-fuck (y/n)” Eddie moaned as You arched your back applying more pressure against him. “Love when you do that” he grunted. You couldn’t help but moan at his words. “Wanna take these off-“ Eddie tugged at the hem of your panties “make you feel good too” he grunted out feeling himself near closer to his end.

“N-no Eddie, just want you to use me” You panted against his pillow. You could feel Eddie’s movements grow messier as he no longer had a consistent pace.

“S-shit (y/n), feel so good- gonna cum on your underwear” he choked out “please let me cum on your underwear yeah?” Eddie growled into your ear as he reached over intertwining his fingers with yours, gripping so tight that his knuckles began turning white a.

“Yes Eddie, cum on me, make a mess please” you whimpered egging him on whilst moving your hips in a circular motion against his back and fourth.

“Oh-oh god (y/n)!” Eddie finished with a yell as you felt his warm sticky liquid squirt onto your ass. The bed trembled as Eddie did his best to keep himself up lazily grinding against you till he made sure your ass was full of his cum before collapsing onto your back, panting as he kissed your neck.

“T-hank you (y/n), such a good girl letting me use you like that” Eddie kissed your ear before nibbling on it.

You couldn’t wait till you were over your period, because you wanted to so badly ruin him as much he did you.

╚══ ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ══╝

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

#stranger things #eddie my beloved #eddie munson #eddie munson smut #eddie munson comfort #eddiemunson x reader #eddie munson x reader #eddie munson x female reader #perv!eddie #80s #eddie munson blurb #Eddie munson x reader smut

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luci-in-trenchcoats · 3 years

Text

Feral (Part 10)

Summary: Dean’s collar is finally coming off but the reader quickly notices something very strange about it, something that leads the group to believe Dean was targeted as a kid. Dean is struggling with the news and they make another trip to Dr. Goulding to help ease his worries. Except that trip might just make things worse...

Masterlist

Pairing: Alpha!Dean x Omega!reader

Word Count: 5,800ish

Warnings: language, angst, violence, mention of kidnapping, heavily implied abuse (non-graphic)

A/N: Enjoy!...

______

“How’d I do?” you asked an hour later, Dean turning around on the bench, smiling before running his hand over his face and through his hair.

“I feel like I finally look like me again,” he said. His beard was gone, only a slight barely there stubble to his cheeks and jaw now. His hair was short and spiky, Dean cocking his head in the mirror. “Fuck, I got old didn’t I. At least I look younger without the beard.”

“Dean. You’re thirty. You are still very very young and handsome,” you said. You kissed the top of his head. He looked at you in the mirror, still smiling.

“I know,” he said, Sam walking into the doorframe, holding up a black looking wrench. “Is that what I think it is?”

“Master key. You do not want to know what kind of scolding the pharmacist gave me for losing a collar lock. I like the new haircut.”

“Thanks,” said Dean, glancing back and forth between the two of you.

“We’re very grateful for your suffering Sam,” you said as Sam handed the key to you. “Dean do you want to do the honors?”

“You do it. I’m looking forward to not wearing one of these anymore,” he said.

“Alright boys,” you said. You found the edge of the collar, slipping the small thin end of the master key into the locking mechanism built into the leather. It disengaged and you quickly unbuckled the back, Dean hissing as you pulled it off.

“Finally,” said Dean, rubbing his bare neck. “That feels-”

“What is that?” asked Sam. Dean spun around, staring at what you already were, the small thin needle tip poking out of the back of the collar.

“It’s the shock system,” said Dean but you shook your head. “What-”

“Dean this is the collar you came in wearing, correct?”

“Yeah. Been wearing that one since I was a kid,” he said. “Why?”

“Y/N what is that?” asked Sam as you looked it over.

“This kind of collar has a medicine pack. They’re used very rarely. They are extremely expensive. Hundreds of thousands of dollars for one and even then they are only authorized for critical care patients. It feeds drugs directly into the patient, slow feed, for years. It’s, it’s more of a long term care tool than anything else. Think someone with a debilitating muscle or skeletal disease. The constant drug dosing helps them stay active and lead a normal quality of life. Depending on the drug used, the pack regenerates medicine over time. It’s very hands off and for very, very rich and ill patients only.”

“What drug is in there?” said Dean.

“We’re gonna find out. Something that doesn’t show up on any of the tests I’ve done so far.” You narrowed your eyes at the pack, Dean turning around in his seat. You set the collar on the counter and smiled. “Let me clean up your neck and do a quick scan of your bones to make sure you’re all good.”

“Uh, how’d you get a scanner?” asked Dean. You pointed at Sam and he shrugged. “How’d you even know how to get all this stuff?”

“Y/N tells me what she needs and I make a call to the CEO and then I have whatever she needed next day, no questions asked. Mom and dad’s friends still look out for me. They’ll look out for you too.”

“Thanks. Shit this feels amazing to not have a sweaty ass neck constantly,” said Dean, rubbing his bare neck. You gave his hand a squeeze and kiss on top of his head before you went down to your room, the boys following you inside.

“It’s portable so you can just stand there,” you said, picking up the wand looking rod from the black bin on the ground.

“How expensive is that thing?” asked Dean.

“You do not want to know,” said Sam. “It’s also a rental so we better not break it.”

“Hold still,” you said to Dean as he sat on the bench at the end of the bed. You turned the wand on and turned it around, waving it around his neck twice before you heard the beep. “All set.”

You hit it off and put it back in the box, cleaning Dean’s neck with an antiseptic before putting some lotion to help the soreness on.

“I literally can’t explain how good this feels,” said Dean, scooting up and back on your bed, laying down with a smile. “Like this is as good as an orgasm.”

“Nice to see a smile on your face. Now you look like a trust fund kid again,” teased Sam, leaning back against your desk as you checked your computer. He glanced down and you smiled. “I think your scans look good.”

“No damage. You’re perfectly healthy in that regard,” you said, plugging the collar into a cable from your red box lab kit. The boys started to discuss the family business and how it was doing these days, Sam mentioning Dean could get on the board of directors like he was and it was very minimal work. It’d leave plenty of time for Dean to work on cars or figure out what he wanted to do. You heard your name in the conversation but you were clicking through options on your computer, holding your breath as you followed the trail of ingredients down until you got a hit.

“What’s wrong?” asked Dean, his nose twitching as you breathed deeply.

“She found the medicine,” said Sam, leaning over the computer. “It’s called Araw?”

“It’s not Araw,” you said quietly. “It means raw Alpha extract. It’s presentation medication. It guarantees an Alpha presentation. It’s only used in adolescents.”

“What happens if you give it to an adult?” asked Sam.

“Exposure to a certain dosage of Alpha extract in an adult, or extended dosage, causes feral states. Unnatural feral states meaning too large of a dose can permanently alter an Alpha’s natural instinct from anything to scenting, ruts, mating, protective and pack instincts. It-”

“It fucks up their heads forever is what you’re saying.” Dean got up, both you and Sam going after him. “Y/N we both know I was feral earlier on our date, even when I was happy. My whole life I’m going to not know if I’ll snap and hurt you or Sam. No wonder why I nearly tore him apart the other night. I didn’t even recognize him as being in my pack anymore.”

“Dean stop,” you said, catching his wrist as he left the room. “You’re not fucked up.”

“I will never act like a normal Alpha. Seventeen years that thing was injecting me. I-”

“Hey,” said Sam, grabbing Dean’s other arm. “Calm down. If something exists to help you, we’ll get it and if it doesn’t, while invent it. You need to relax. Let Y/N finish examining you. Please.”

Dean nodded after a moment, untensing his arm, letting your hand slide down to his.

“I know of a way to test permanent changes,” you said.

“But I know I’m-”

“Dean everything you’ve gone through could have been from what we said at the start. You were having natural feral states as a way of protecting yourself. We can test if the drugs caused you being feral or if it was you.”

“What do we need?” asked Sam.

“I think we need to pay Dr. Goulding another visit if we can trust him.”

“Why aren’t you charging Sam for this?” you asked an hour later, Dean finally starting to drift off on the bed he laid on in Dr. Goulding’s house, a few electrodes strapped to his head. The doctor turned to you and smiled. “Because it’s for Dean.”

“It’s a miracle that boy is alive and well. As well as could be expected. I was curious what Sam was up to with the fugitive doctor on the news but knew better than to ask.”

“Why not turn me in?”

“Not a good way to maintain a loyal customer base. I’ve always trusted the Winchesters,” he said, Sam snoring lightly in a chair near Dean. “My initial assessment of Dean is that the drugs didn’t take effect until after he’s been pulling out of his feral states, only the few days or so then. He would have still been considered growing right about until he started to enter those feral states.”

“So going feral naturally has protected him from the drugs,” you said.

“I suspect. I could be wrong but the very little time he’s spent out of his growing period and feral states subjected to the drug would not cause any changes. The test the boys are on will confirm. It should only take about an hour before they can wake up. Although it has been some time since I’ve heard of anyone using the GG test.”

“I remember the case study from school...and that the renowned Dr. Gil Goulding invented it.”

“You must have gone into a highly specialized field to discover that old paper.”

“Alpha rehabilitation with a focus in feral studies. I couldn’t bring myself to work the severe feral cases though. It was too hard not to mention Omega’s are hardly ever let in,” you said, Dean stirring in his sleep. You both walked outside and sat on his back patio, about five times the size of the massive one at the Winchester’s house. “You were one of the first to have breakthrough rehabilitations.”

“If you’re asking how you did with Dean I’d say it was an excellent job.”

“But it’s not even been a week. He’s still feral-”

“Dr. Y/L/N. Contrary to popular belief, rehabilitating an Alpha in a feral state is a fairly quick process. Either they come out of it within a day or they don’t. If they come out of it, even for a moment, then it worked.”

“That’s not true.”

“That’s not what they teach you in school but it is. What they do now is they want medical doctors to be psychologists and therapists on top of physiological experts. No one can handle all of that. No one. It’s why each Alpha needs a team. A specialist in every field but that’s too expensive for people that are considered write offs to society. There are barely any true feral rehab clinics left. It’s not a one size fits all and every Alpha can be rehabbed if they got the proper care but they don’t.”

“Dean still goes feral,” you said quietly.

“Yes but feral is not inherently bad for an Alpha. That is the crux of the problem. Society has twisted feral into this bad word meaning an Alpha is dangerous and unhinged, not mentally there. It is purely raw instinct. Dean being feral on your date earlier does not mean it was a problem. He claimed to be happy so what you saw was his raw instinct being happy. That is all his feral state was.”

“But normal people don’t go feral.”

“Tell me something. If you hadn’t seen Dean’s eyes, when’s the last true time you would have assumed he was feral? Not thought he’s simply angry or happy or anything else. When, by his actions, would you have assumed he was feral?”

“He did kinda pick me up yesterday when he got mad.”

“To hurt you or protect you?”

“Protect,” you said after a moment. “What are you getting at doctor?”

“What happens to an Alpha that has scented their true mate but has not yet claimed them?”

“But we’re both on medication to-”

“Under normal circumstances medicine keeps it at bay but only for a few months at most. An Alpha that spent the previous years in a feral state that has met his true mate...how long do you think the medication will work?”

“You’re saying…” you trailed off.

“I’m saying don’t confuse his instincts as your mate and being denied the claim as him being feral. He has incredible self-discipline to not claim you. I’m shocked he’s lasted this long.”

“I can’t mate him right now. He doesn’t even know how to have sex and he’s terrified of hurting me.”

“I think you both ought to stop thinking so much for once and let instinct take over. He is remarkably well because he’s been with you. Mate and I can guarantee that what you think are feral states will go away. He may become feral like again but likely only in extreme circumstances, same as you.”

“Doc. I’m Omega. I can’t go feral.”

“From what I understand you jumped in front of a gun for Dean. You have protective instincts. Omega’s have incredible protective instincts, even more so than an Alpha in some cases. Being feral is not bad in Dean’s case Dr. Y/L/N. He has always used it as a protective measure, not a violent one. My advice? Get off your medications, mate, and try to lead lives where you forget this awfulness he’s gone through. Both of you.”

You sat down on a chair, Dr. Goulding taking a seat beside you.

“You care deeply for injured Alphas. I remember reading your book on Alpha emotional intelligence,” you said.

“I recall reading a paper challenging that view that it was too narrow of a case study by a young resident,” he chuckled. “A Dr. Y/L/N.”

“I published that last year.”

“I know. I still like to keep an eye on those making headway in the field. But even I’m not a household name such as yourself right now.”

“Thankfully only me and a trusted friend at the clinic knew Dean’s identity. I didn’t mean to cause you any-”

“I understand.” You nodded, sitting back and playing with the drawstring on your jacket. “The Winchesters have incredible lawyers, including Sam. I’m sure the charges can get dropped.”

“Yeah. I’m more concerned about something else.”

“The mystery doctor. Yes Sam told me, asked me to think of anyone I knew of that could have done such a thing.”

“I want to find the son of a bitch and tear their throat out.” The doctor hummed, excusing himself. You threw your head back, surprised to hear the doctor grunt after a few seconds. You turned in your seat, watching him set a heavy photo album on the table outside.

“Sadly John and Mary knew many doctors. But there’s only eight or so I can think of that would fit the bill.” You got up and he started to flip through pages, finding a picture and pulling it out of the sleeve. “Ah. This was from a fundraiser the boys parents put on annually. These are the other doctors, myself included, that were close to them.”

“You said eight doctors. Not including yourself would be nine. There’s ten doctors in this photo.”

“I don’t believe Dr. Insler had anything to do with it,” he said, pointing at the woman in the picture beside him.

“The Dr. Insler? You know the Omega specialist Dr. Insler?”

“I hope so. He only mated and married her,” said a feminine voice. You turned around, an older woman in a doctor’s coat walking out. “Gil. Is that Dean and Sam Winchester on the couch doing a GG test?”

“It is. Honey this is the infamous Dr. Y/L/N. I told the boys their secrets are safe with us.”

“Hi,” you said, tucking your hair behind your ear.

“If you somehow don’t lose your license you are more than welcome to come work for me. I like doctor’s that care more about patients than rules. I’m guessing Dean Winchester is the Alpha that you supposedly kidnapped from the facility,” she said.

“I did technically kidnap him,” you said.

“Right. Cause I’m sure he’d much rather have stayed in that place and be dead right now. Come on. You can help me make dinner while explaining what the fuck is going on.”

“For all money can buy and all our advancements, some diseases are still just too much for us right now,” said Dr. Insler or Sophia as she preferred you called her, while you washed up a cutting board close to an hour later. “Mary always knew Dean was out there. I’m glad she was right. I wish she was here to see her boy home safe.”

“I wish she was too. I’ll take more people that care about Dean right now,” you said. She smiled and you returned it, sharing a nod with her. “Your husband seems to think Dean’s problems will be solved once we mate.”

“I agree with his medical assessment. But I can understand your personal one as well. You two will mate, that’s a given. When is your choice and only you two will instinctively know the correct time for that. Every mating pair goes through it.”

“Dr. Insler...I went through puberty without a bonding gland. I present Omega and it only recently grew back at meeting Dean,” you said quietly. She smiled, handing you a towel.

“You’re concerned about your ability to bear pups.”

“Statistically it could be a problem if we even decided-”

“Statistically your true mate isn’t the famed kidnapped Winchester boy and statistically you don’t end up as his rehab doctor or make the choice to save his life or make all the other choices you’ve made yet here you are. When it comes to true mates, statistics go out the window. Not to mention I am one of the top Omega specialist in this country so if I can’t help you get pregnant, no one can. That boy is not ready to have pups anytime soon regardless.”

“No I know. God he never even got to be a kid. I want to...ensure there’s no possibility at the moment.”

“That casserole is going to take forty minutes and the boys will be groggy even when they wake up. You got five minutes I can get you settled.”

About ten minutes later you had a bandage on your arm from the shot, Dr. Insler checking the pie in the second oven.

“This will work for six months you said?”

“Yeah. Lots of women prefer it. You’ll probably want to go that route in the future,” she said, leaning back against the counter. She sighed and closed her eyes. “I can not believe Gil charged Sam for helping you yesterday.”

“To be fair the medicine he gave me is very expensive.”

“Winchesters are a no cost customer and that includes mates. He knows that,” she said. You looked down, hearing the boys start to wake up further down the hall. “I’m so sorry.”

“Dean’ll be okay eventually. It’s hard now it-”

“I meant you. Everything you and Gil have told me...sweetie no bonding gland? I know how kids grow up without one and it’s not good. You’re smart. Real smart. And you just gave up everything you struggled for in an instant, to help Dean.”

“Wouldn’t you do it for Gil?”

“Gil’s not my true mate in the way we know...but I think a true mate is someone you would do anything for and I know I have that with him. I think your bond can change from one person to another. If you find someone that’s more right for you, then it becomes tied to that person. But you have been through a lot in the past week and you need to relax. Let Dean take care of you for a bit. It’s good for the both of you.”

“He’s a highly-”

“You’re not helping him by holding his hand. That time is done and over. Everybody fucks up so let him fuck up and learn it’s okay to fuck up.”

“It’s so much easier being the doctor and telling that to a family member than being the family member,” you said, glancing down the hall.

“I know. Relax sweetheart. The boys are safe and Gil and I will do everything we can to help figure out who it was Dean remembers that was part of taking him.”

“I’m going to check on the test results if that’s okay,” She waved you off and you headed down to the office, Gil looking over a computer in there.

“As I expected,” he said with a smile. “Dean’s good.”

“What’s good?” yawned Dean, nose twitching. “Smells like mom’s pie.”

“It’s your mother’s recipe so I would hope so,” said Gil, excusing himself to help set the table.

“So drama queen. Your test results came back negative. You are medically and unequivocally one hundred percent as normal as any other Alpha,” you said. Dean blushed and bit his bottom lip, Sam stretching with a smirk. “Samuel.”

“Ugh. You’re no fun. Told you that you’re normal,” he said, standing up. “It does smell like mom’s pie though.”

“I made friends with Gil and Sophia while you two were sleeping. They’re going to try and help figure out which group of doctor friends could have been involved in your guys kidnapping years ago,” you said.

“I’m more than okay with that,” said Sam. “I know Sophia did everything she could for mom. Even got her in special clinical trials. I don’t think they would have hurt us.”

“There was a dark green leather chair,” said Dean, looking up through his lashes. “I know there was one of those in that damn room.”

“Don’t worry about it for right now. I think we’ll all enjoy a home cooked meal by somebody else for a change,” you said, sitting down beside Dean. He rested his head on your shoulder, humming softly.

“I’m sorry for freaking out earlier.”

“Like I said Dean. Freak out every day of your life. I’ll still be right here.”

“You two are kinda sickeningly sweet you know.” Sam smiled though, taking a shaky step before getting his feet under him. “It’s kinda cute I guess.”

“You’re just jealous you didn’t get the hot doctor,” said Dean.

“I’ll have you know that I have it on good authority that the new girl at work has a thing for me.”

“Have you ever even spoken to her?” you asked. Sam pouted and Dean chuckled.

“Here I thought you were the one giving me the dating advice,” said Dean. “I already got a girlfriend, someday mate.”

“He has a point Sammy,” you teased.

“Fuck you and fuck you,” he said, heading out of the room.

“We love you too Sam!” you called. Dean lifted his head, his smile bigger than before. “What’s up silly?”

“You love Sammy?” he asked. You smirked, kissing his cheek.

“He’s part of my pack after all. How could I not love him?” Your heart skipped a beat, Sam turning back into the room.

“Did you guys just feel that?” he asked, inhaling deeply. “I guess Y/N’s officially part of the pack based on that smell.”

“You protect her if I can’t,” said Dean to Sam. “Promise.”

“Of course. I owe her everything Dean. I’ll do whatever I have to.”

“Thank you,” he said, Dean pulling you into his lap.

“And I don’t need to be around for this,” said Sam, quickly leaving. You put your head on Dean’s shoulder and felt him hum, whole body warm and feeling like home.

“Dean. When you’re ready to mate...let me know okay? We don’t have to worry about pups in the near term or anything like that. I want you to have you independence and take care of yourself for a while before you even consider them, if you want them at all. I was thinking...when you’re ready...I think I’m ready to go there with you too. I feel like it might be a really good thing for the both of us actually.”

“Did my test show…” he trailed off, blushing again. You shook your head, running your thumb over his cheek. “I don’t even know how to have sex.”

“I’m no expert. Basically you stick it in,” you chuckled.

“It’s more complicated than that I’m sure.”

“I guess. But it’s not just the physical act.”

“That’s what I mean. I don’t know how to…expose myself to someone like that.”

“Yeah you do.” You stroked his jaw, Dean leaning into the touch. “You’ve never hidden yourself from me.”

“You’ve never seen certain parts of me.”

“Then show me them when you’re ready. Until then, we can have the other parts of a relationship.”

“I am ready. It’s just…I don’t know if you’re ready.” You cocked your head. He chuckled, resting his hand on your waist. He pulled you closer, your breath hitching. “I’m the Alpha. But I don’t know if you’re ever going to let me be the strong one. I take a lot and I understand why I have to take more but I need to start giving too. You can take care of me but you are not my caretaker. We’re past that. So until I think you can accept that I am not just the recovering rehab Alpha but a strong person capable of taking care of other people, you and me aren’t mating.”

You moved off his lap, scooting away from him on the bed.

“Now you feel bad,” he sighed.

“I don’t mean to make you feel like I think you’re weak.” He shook his head and took hold of your hand. “I do though. You’ve already asked me to be your friend and no more doctor and I keep falling back into that.”

“No you haven’t. I didn’t say you made me feel weak. All I want is for you to know I can take care of you too. Partners. That is the only way I do this and right now I don’t think you’ve shown me all of you either.” You blinked, Dean rolling his eyes. “Oh come on Y/N. Your life was completely flipped upside down. You lost your job, your home, friends. You’re a wanted fugitive. Your bonding gland grew back and you have a mate which you thought wasn’t possible since you were a little girl. Your mom hurt you and you lost both of your parents in the process as a kid. You have scars and fears just like me but you don’t talk to me about them. You barely told me those few little things I do know. I barely know you and you won’t talk to me about anything involving you.”

“Maybe because I didn’t want to love you. I didn’t ask for this,” you snapped at him. “I’m not a bubbly happy person and you sure as shit don’t need my crap dumped on you right now.”

“Because you needed my crap dumped on you?”

“That’s my job Dean.”

“It’s a hell of a lot you’ve done for just your job Y/N,” he said. You stood up, Dean stopping you from leaving.

“Dean.”

“No,” he said, getting in your face. “You don’t get to bring up mating and then try to leave when you have to be the one to get vulnerable for a change. Do you know how humiliating it feels to have to constantly be telling you and Sam every damn thing? I had more freedom as a child. I am more than happy to be honest with you but I hate having to always be an open book to every single thing I’m feeling. If you and Sam are pissed or happy and run off to have your side conversations I don’t say one thing but if I change my voice or the look on my face or anything it’s suddenly twenty questions. So until you and me are on equal footing, there is no mating. There’s not even any dating. You need my permission to mate with me and you don’t have it.”

You swallowed thickly and nodded. His eyes were dark and feral, his scent strong, a sharp metallic tint you didn’t like. You turned your wrist over gently, Dean holding it still.

“I’m not going to hurt you.”

“Well you’re scaring me and I want you to let go of my hand,” you said, sliver of a quake in the words. “Dean.”

“Would I hurt you?”

“You’re scaring me,” you said again but Dean wouldn’t release you and you pushed on his chest gently. “Stop.”

“Y/N.” You pushed harder, Dean catching your other hand. “Calm down.”

“Me calm down? You’re the one acting like an asshole Alpha.” You tugged your arms, Dean pulling you flush to him.

“Why are you so scared Omega?” he said gently. “You smell like metal and-”

“You smell! Not me,” you grunted. Dean picked you up and carried you out the office door to a side patio, Dean ignoring the chill in the air. “Dean I-”

“I know a panic attack when I see it. Trust me,” he said softly. “I know what one smells like too.”

You forced yourself to relax against him, Dean finding a chair to sit the two of you in while you buried your face in his neck. You focused on breathing and finding the woodsy warm part of his scent, eventually getting your mind to stop racing a few minutes later.

“You smell better,” he said, running a hand over your head. You kept it tucked down, staying quiet for the most part. “How do you feel?”

“Embarrassed,” you whispered. “I make you feel humiliated on top of that apparently.”

“Sweetheart the number of times I’ve been humiliated in my life is countless. The situation is humiliating at times but we’re starting to get out of that. I completely understand why it has had to be like that. But you shouldn’t be embarrassed over a panic attack and I’m sorry I pushed you into one. It’s always been the situation that makes me feel that way, not you.” You shook your head, sitting up but Dean keeping his hands on your waist. “What is it Omega?”

“Do you know what it’s like to grow up knowing one of your parents was evil and the other died because they went feral for you? To live in a group home but they don’t know whether to put you with the Alpha or Beta or Omega girls because you don’t fit? Because you’re broken and always have been and there was never an Alpha in the world that looked in your direction because they could smell something was wrong and missing? All I had was work and helping people and I don’t even have that anymore. I have you but I keep waiting for you to turn up your nose and see what everyone else does. I’m not even a real Omega. I’m supposed to be a good doctor that is alone and I don’t even have that anymore. You went through hell and I can’t even make it a week of taking care of you. A week. You deserve whatever you want for the rest of your life and I can’t even make it a week.”

He wrapped his arms around your back, hugging you tightly. You sniffled and swallowed the large lump in your throat. Your eyes squeezed shut, a soft hand wiping off your cheek. You opened them slowly, Dean cleaning off the other, catching a tear on his thumb that hadn’t yet fallen.

“The reason no one looked in your direction was because you hadn’t met me yet and sweetheart, I don’t plan on taking my eyes off of you for the rest of eternity. I am sorry it took this long for you to find me. God knows I gave up hope a long time ago too. But you are an Omega and you fit right next to me. I’d be dead without you. Dead. You gave up the one slice of happiness you carved out for yourself for me. You deserve everything you want and more too. Everything you have said and given me you deserve it right back. You had your own version of hell to live through, it wasn’t just me.”

“You can’t compare you being kidnapped to me thinking I was going to be single the rest of my life.”

“My mom didn’t hurt me. My dad loved me so much he drank himself to death. I’m sure he would have gone feral if he had someone to get his hands on. I was owned and you were an outcast. People that were good for completing a task and nothing else. No love or family. Different circumstances but still two shitty lives.”

“You don’t get to say that! You were taken and hurt and-”

“And I’m sure the half presented Omega wasn’t bullied in school right? I’m sure she was miss popular. I’m sure she grew up spectacularly in her group home. I’m sure she never thought about how she couldn’t even get a boy to go out with her let alone the fact a real family was out of the question. Tell me this boyfriend you had that you slept with, how wonderful of a guy was he?”

“He wasn’t alright? I wore scent enhancers whenever I would go out with him and he was a douche when he realized I had no bonding gland and walked out half way through sex. So yeah. I’m broken but your situation was so much worse. So much Dean and please stop comparing them.”

“Am I broken?”

“No. God no.”

“But my situation is worse. So are we both broken or did we both have shitty situations? Which is it?”

“I wasn’t kidnapped! I wasn’t held against my will!”

“We both had our futures ripped away from us by evil people. Both of us.”

“I had my freedom. You didn’t.”

“You were trapped in a workaholic lifestyle with no care for your wants or needs and you would have kept on that way the rest of your life being miserable if I hadn’t shown up. The only difference between you and me is I always knew I was trapped. You just pretended you weren’t.”

You bit the inside of your cheek, glancing away, Dean not moving his hand away from your cheek when you started to cry.

“My pain was different than your pain, yes. But it’s so much more similar than you think. Let me start helping take away some of yours like you’ve done for me. Please. I want to.”

“I’m so tired,” you breathed out. You rested your head on his shoulder, Dean shushing you. “I’m so fucking tired Alpha.”

“Rest, Omega. I got you.”

“We have dinner soon and I need to clean up,” you said, trying to sit up but Dean held you close. “But-”

“Dinner will be there. I told you to rest Omega. Now rest for your Alpha. Please sweetheart get some damn rest finally.”

________

A/N: Read Part 11 here!

#spn #supernatural #dean x reader #dean winchester #dean winchester x reader #alpha!dean #alpha!dean x omega!reader #abo #dean winchester fanfic #spn fanfic #Supernatural fanfic

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