#gonna make stuff abt this forever
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»» on the street, i’m still . . .
#gonna make stuff abt this forever#bts#bangtan#jhope#hoseok#jcole#trackofthesoul#usersky#shirleytothesea#annietrack#dailybts#btsgfx#*posters#*latest#*gfx#on the street#this one is just the warm up#gonna get on our friday night lights sh t when i'm ready lol
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Mina the most girl ever
#WHO reblogged my lapidot art from 5 years ago. show yourself#i had to read posts from when i was 13 years old do you know how scary that was#the amount of stuff you can dig up from this account...... 5 YEARS#pokemon#art tag#WHAT is minas tag what are you#trial captain mina#pokemon mina#pokemon masters#pokemas#might post prsk art hehehe nene and shizuku my beloveds#theres a leo/need sparkle live today...... i didnt expect to be such a big fan of them but honami and shiho have a grip on me#honamis the ONLY 4 star i dont have from leo/need. I have TWO sakis#AND two tsukasas. and a toya. i have every tenma#assigned tenma and leo/need fan at birth. this is who i am i guess#theres enstars art too but im not ready to post that. souma kanzaki stays in the vault for another day#gonna make a twit alt so i can talk abt gacha games there instead of on my pokemon tumblr posts#mina ill love forever. shes eveyrhung to me
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gotye, somebody that i used to know // olivia rodrigo, enough for you // taylor swift, cruel summer // lana del rey, ultraviolence // unknown source // lana del rey, hope is a dangerous thing for a woman like me to have // richard silken, crush
#gotye#olivia rodrigo#enough for you#taylor swift#cruel summer#lana del rey#ultraviolence#hope is a dangerous thing for a woman like me to have but i have it#love#web weaving#parallels#tw violence#ask to tag as always :)))#ive had this floating around in my head for a while now and finally decided to put it together for real#some of yall on here are poets and have the mind for this but i dont plus i have no knowledge abt the deeper lesser known quotes and stuff#so enjoy my awful attempt at making one too <3#also if u know who wrote the one or i credited someone wrong just let me know some of these ive had sitting around forever and i forgot !!#richard silken#crush#i made this months ago and im so much happier now so im gonna post it i love yall <3#edit two finally posting this two years later#being in love at 16 is wild
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applied to a bunch of jobs! 😅🙏
#took me three days bc i really wanted my dad's input on my resume and he took a while to get back to me#but i reallyyyy wanted to have applications in my monday morning and now i do :)#also feeling much better aboutbthe whole thing now that i have stuff to be excited about#still really really sad abt leaving the kids at my current job tho#but i drove by some of the places i applied today and researched them and im really optimistic about some of them#i even heard back from one already which i was not expecting at all#she literally emailed me like half an hour after getting my application and started asking me questions#like a pre interview#so thats nice#we went back and forth a couple of times#its not my top top choice but that place isnt officially hiring and might take forever to back back to me#this place is a smaller home daycare type place and urgently hiring but the pay is super good and a home daycare environment might be nice#and the pay is pretty decent esp compared to what im making now#the top top place is a fancy pants private school that going to be way more thorough abt references and background check#so they'll take longer to get back to me#but i found out after applying that my friend's mom works there 🤯#so she's gonna ask her to put in a good word for me :)#but they're not officially hiring according to their website it just says they encourage people to inquire so i did#so p unlikely i would get that one but you never know#anyway!!!!#finally excited abt things and not just filled with dread and sadness abt leaving the current place and kids#still makes me sad but im not on the verge of tears thinking abt it anymore lol#this has been a shitpost
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first Marius mention in the series and I'm already hissing like an angry cat
#rose reads tvc#hm i knew this was gonna happen sooner or later gotta make up a marius tag in case people want to filter and not see stuff abt him#but i don't want to put hate in the character tags 😒 bc i'm a good person 😒 & mostly i don't wanna hear it from his fans 😒#so i guess my marius tag going forward is#marius die in a fire for real this time#filter that if you don't want to see marius related stuff for whatever reasons#blah blah they're all monsters double standards blah I DON'T CARE i hate him that's never gonna change. there's never gonna be nuance.#other people can do nuance i simply know myself. i will not be doing nuance. irredeemably gross to me forever.
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in a cafe rn. this place is nice :>
#just me hi#they have a lot of random old stuff in here it's fun :D#tons of books too; though most of them seem to be romance and unfortunately i've come to terms w/ the fact i'm a hater gfhsfh </3#oh and not that the old stuff is random in a new place; it's an old-looking place with a lot of old stuff that doesn't match anything else#lol ! there are some spots that are Almost uhh- the word is not coherent but it's something like it hfhvs#i've had a bisquit sanmich and a lemonade which was pretty fine. i liked the sandwich though it was a bit greasy bfsh :>#idk i'm just comfortable here. the guy running the counter might be gay and there's a bathroom sign that jokes abt gender n creatures for#them lol - it's relatively quiet too n i have a chair that's pressed against the wall w/ no windows so i don't feel like i can be snuck up#on ghfhsv. i like it here so far :D#//anywho i think i'm gonna get on my ar.ft attacks now hfhsvh#i didn't bother posting my first one this year but i'll get to that rn!! :3#i have 1 + 1/2 i gotta do - i say a half because it doesn't Technically count as an attack due to the System but ehe :33#//btw this place has a thing going on where it's Nearly symmetrical#every table is missing at least 1 chair that would make it so and if there Is an even amount of chairs they aren't the same kind#though they Are matching in colour if they aren't the same type! i like that. dunno why hfbvs#also i like how oddly everything has been placed. tables placed in a diamond form compared to the room and then others are situated like#regular tables ; i just think it's interesting lol :33#//oh and i've finished another chapter of my book ; it's taking me forever because i actually came to like it a lot n i don't want it to en#a common habit of mine hfhfsh <3#though ik it's hard to tell from the outside if i'm not doing it cuz i hate it or cuz i love it. fun for Me though hfhbshvs#//yea anyway. i like this place lol :>#gonna wander around prolly. n work on stuff hopefully :>>#i have a ~+~root beer~+~ so here i go !! toodles :D
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hhhhhh your spooky au….
i love it so so much <3
fills me with life and joy!!
aaaa I'm glad :D
I wanna draw HMS getting absolutely hunted down but still don't have spooky trio's designs down so here's a few alternate Minds :D
Spooky trio has their own ver of The Incident!
Mind² gets mauled to death by the creature, Heart². So Soul² resurrects him and rebuilds him from scratch. Part of his being is transferred to Mind² to hold together his consciousness. The result isn't perfect and leaves an entity trying to mimic what it once was and others as it tries to find itself.
It studies its targets in the shadows. It has a great capacity of intelligence but lacks basic understanding of human emotions. Though it can sound emotional in its mimicry, it does not understand its purpose and effects it has on others.
Heart² gets his eyes ripped off by Soul² and evolves to a more feral and dangerous creature
#Ask#my art#chonny jash#cj mind#hms#body horror cw#This is my first ask ever :D#I wish I knew how to write stories bcs I got so many key events abt this Au in my head but they're gonna take forever to draw...#I want to make serious and scary stuff but the urge to draw them silly is equally as strong
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Throws this at you and then disappears again
#💭 — ⌗nervo rambles . ★#I'M ALIVE GUYS DW I'VE JUST UH BEEN LURKING#I've been rlly overwhelmed lately noise is rlly stressing me out and stuff :((#doing this all in my last hr helped me calm down a bit tho :33#any and all interaction is tiring and overwhelming tho so ermmm I'm gonna try to do all of the twst event tonight#(has not done one but of it yet)#and uhh idk when everything stops being overwhelming tiring and making me want to throw up my insides I'll be back#I'll probably yap more abt him on my oc blog when I can I didn't even write down most of his lore and it's forever changing!!!! egh
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part of the reason (a big part. maybe the whole reason tbh idk LOL) why i think a lot about Gu.zma standing up for me and that sort of thing is bc it seems like in my real life (online and physical world) every time someone is cruel to me in a group setting, noooobody does anything. or if somebody says smth bad about ppl like me (whether that be irt queerness, indigeneity, neurodivergence, or smth as simple as personality traits) then everyone in the group just... seems to think its my responsibility to say smth. i feel like it always falls onto my shoulders for some reason to stand up for myself and/or ppl who are like me. and its so tiring and isolating 😭 (i think i have just had Really bad luck when it comes to ppl in my life sdfjkl my family is. obviously not good. and then friends have been few and far between, and the friends i have had have often not been very good)
so to have someone who would actually take on the responsibility to say something and have the difficult conversation w whoever is saying the unkind thing so that i can just... be safe and not have to struggle through that myself. is something that is very meaningful to me lol. it feels kind of unreal to think that anyone would do that for me, so i try to think abt Guz doing that for me to like,,, work thru any shame of Wanting that to happen in real life. bc if anyone does that irl, i want to be able to let them do it instead of (what i may very well do out of instinct) jumping in to tell them they dont have to do that for me bc "actually its okay, im fine and it isn't that big of a deal, it didnt rly bother me ahaha ^^;; you really dont have to do that for me, its probably best to just leave it alone bc i dont want any trouble, i dont want you getting into anything bc of me hahaha ^^;;;;"
#it rly doesnt help that a lot of my life i've just had to fawn to keep safe#so i haven't even had much practice at defending myself. i've defended other ppl plenty LOL but when it comes to me... a different story!#this is not a pity party btw this is not me going ''boohoo poor me'' fdsjkl i am just like. thinking aloud mostly#bc i feel guilty for indulging in thinking about Guz standing up for me or defending/protecting me from hurtful situations#but i'm realizing i think its just... bc i havent rly gotten that in real life? and i am trying to let myself want it#instead of being too scared of wanting help RIP. im trying to work thru the shame of that and let myself want it and enjoy the idea of it#even just feeling any kind of happiness or comfort at the idea of it is so shameful for me and !! it shouldnt be !!!#sorry for having cp.tsd on main 😭 unfortunately it kind of shapes every aspect of who i am currently fsdjgkl so it'll show up in things#and bc se.lfshipp.ing is so personal then it's gonna make appearances in this fdsjkl AS MUCH AS I WISH I COULD JUST HIDE IT FOREVER ;-;#dandy.cmd#vent //#i'll tag it as vent just in case though fdsjkl its somewhat a vent i suppose but mainly just bc it talks abt MH stuff
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haven’t been on much bc my dog has been sick :( between seizures and an infected tooth we’ve been having a Time trying to get everything fixed (this started around the holidays so our vet has been very booked up…we have been like 3-4 times in the past 4-5 weeks OTL does not help it’s like an hour drive there, so that’s been exhausting) now his new seizure meds are making him sick (was hoping it was like, just an adjustment period thing but he’s been sick for a week and having concerning symptoms…) if I’m not on a ton or slow to replying to messages it’s bc I’m working as much overtime as my job will give me bc Vet Expensive and mentally drained obvi 😞
#it makes me a lil mad his meds were kinda pricy and they literally are making things worse. like sure he isn’t have seizures but he can#barely walk and keeps running into things and keeps having diarrhea so like. 🙃 and the meds are making him sooo hungry and thirsty#I’m seeing the vet AGAIN FRIDAY I know she’s so sick of me but man my little guy. if she can’t figure out a combo that doesn’t have such#bad side effects I’m literally going to scream and cry#he’s the most sensitive boy in the world and my mental health hangs on his and my cats well being. please. 😭#sanchoyorambles#I’ve also called them like twice to find out if I should stop or what they want me to do and keep getting ‘oh they’ll call u back’ WHEN#GIRL MY PUBBY#if I don’t hear back before his next dose I’m just gonna make an executive decision myself to stop them for now#he’s literally on the smallest possible dose too bc he’s so little. so. they can’t go down in dosage they’ll need to put him on smth else 😑#which means paying for ANOTHER PRESCRIPTION A WEEK AFTER ALREASY GETTING ONE THAT WAS $30 ON TOP OF HIS STUPID VET BILL#screaming.#and like if I have the money it’s fine. and it’s not like the vet could’ve known he’d have bad side effects#im just frustrated it’s no one’s fault#I could go to a closer vet. the thing is I LIKE the one further away#they have the only groomer I’ve found that can trim him without sedating him! they send me reminders abt his shots! I like the vibes!!!#they seem caring!! but they are always SOOO BUSY it takes forever to make appointments or to hear back from them 😭#remember how I said one of my goals was to buy a vechicle this year lmao the vet bills are draining any savings I’ve managed to build up 🤧#my pets are priority 1 tho like even before all the medical stuff /I/ need like lol… that’s my baby#it’s just really bad timing. not that there’s good timing for medical issues but. u know
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i will shut up abt this i promise but like. the concept of being in a stable safe mutually loving whatever relationship is INSANE . like how can you ever feel bad about yourself or wounded or whatever again. it’s like a superpower or somethi ng. <- doesn’t know what she’s taking abt bc she’s never experienced it or the absence of it after having it merely the negative space of it and is filling in the gaps w logic or something. but it’s INSANE to me. like of course i feel like shit about myself i am catcrumb unloved.jpg!
#purrs#imbeing insane about it i know it’s not that simple / reductive and i will still feel like shit abt myself once im in a relationshp (if i#get to be ♥️) and there are lots of other legitimate reasons to feel shit agtbyiurself. but it’s like no ficking wonder i feel inadequate i#am a 24 year old who lives at home and has never held a hand or whatever next to two 50sometjinf year old married men with pets and phds. of#course i am going to feel inadequate and stupid and lonely. like i canttttt 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂💀💀💀💀💀💀💀 and th w worst part is you can’t just go out into#the world saying that and looking for that it has to find you so i will not join any dating apps or whatever but i don’t fucking go anywhere#so im not going to meet anyone and i knowi am so young and stupid and just having a horrible day that is reminding me of horrors. but the#way i am mentally shoving my whole fist in my mouth. OF COURSE I FEEL LIKE SHIT I DONT HAVE A LIFE PARTNER!!!!!!!!!!!! I DONT HAVE THAT#SAFETY AND STABILITY AND TRUST AND UNCONDITIONAL LOVE!!!!!!!! AND I NEVER HAVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#delete later#like this is what makes me crazy abt parents and kids too and whyi don’t think ihave kids. bc i think (and i know this is wrong / unhealthy)#it is a primal human need to be mutually someone else’s number 1 person and when you have kids it’s like you’re gonna love your partner more#than the kids and then the kids (read: me) watch that and get fucked up over it. but also that could just be me reacting to the UNSPEAKABLE#psychological damage of being a twin. which again is ridiculous bc it’s n out like abuse i just had to share something with someone else si#since before i was born and ofc there was more like actually kind of abusive stuff on top of it LOL but that aside. idk what im saying i#just feel so crazy. the amount of composure it takes me every day to not start SCREAMING with frustration and envy when i see ppl being#RIGHTFULLY DESERVEDLY visibly confident and loved. like ok valentines grinch go sit in the drainage pond forever please. but it’s so crazy#like how are you supposed to go through the world unaware of how much love you’re missing out on because you’re young and then you realize I#it and then somehow you miss the train and you are scared you are going to d*e alone ♥️ im normal
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what WAS the normal child response to learning abt climate change actually. bc I’m pretty sure ‘depressed for at least 6 months and becoming deeply fascinated by apocalypses for ~3 years’ was prooooobably not it but who am I to say
#did NOT realise how much this has shaped me actually#also am not exaggerating when I say depressed I. cannot remmeber a lot of it but my parents were Worried about me#anyway I joke abt how I’m a biologist now bc of pokemon and that is very true but this is probably a pretty big chunk too#it’s just wild like that happened when I was 11 and I was DEEEEEP in the apocalypse trenches until I was at least 14#I think I wrote my first longish story when I was? 13? about waking up after some massive chunk of time to a world with no people left#that concept rlly held onto me for some reason. just all the people suddenly disappearing#I’m saying all this like I’m not still rlly into apocalypse stories but it is a mere shadow of its former self#anyway I’m so grateful for the conservation module I took this year bc learning abt the state of everything + the way out of it#scientifically instead of piecemeal from the news and the shit I could read abt. has been rlly good for my everything honestly#didn’t properly sink in until two months ago I don’t think that year this is kiiinda what I would like to do with my life#bc I’d always been resistant to the idea of doing conservation or climate science or anything bc historically thinking abt it for too long#has been BAD for me and I didn’t think I could do that forever while keeping most of me#but now I’m at a point where like. okay very likely I’m gonna be an actual scientist. and while pure science is cool and worthwhile#and I still have feelings abt how there’s no funding or anything for studies without immediate practical applications#(THEY NORMALLY COME LATER AND EVEN IF THEY DONT ITS WORTH KNOWING EVERYTHING WE CAN KNOW SHUT UUUUPPP)#i do wanna do smth that’s gonna make a difference bc like I’m kinda in a position where that’s possible here#anyway my masters is gonna be ecology and hopefully with a microclimate focus which is cool as hell and will hopefully keep stuff open a bit#and I’m gonna try do as much as I can next year. there’s some very cool stuff happening I might be able to join#anyway wow this took a turn#climate crisis! woo!!#luke.txt
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play online with your friends!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
#this was made because of tf2#i wanna play but unfortunately i think people will want me FUCKING DEAD KILLED AND MURDERED irl if im bad at the game ive never played befo#ofc not gonna happen but what if a person on the internet thinks that for half a second then forgets??? ill be ruined!! tarnished forever!!#apparently#according 2 my brain#fun fact i found out abt tf2 via sfm and looked it up#(i was tiny itty bitty btw this is important information)#and i heard stuff about it being shut down FOREVER!!!!!!! and unplayable and stuff.. & just believed it and went OK!!! tf2 doesnt exist#& then i prompty forgot#until recently but it looks soooo fun#but also i have an anxiety disorder that kept me from leaving my house and home 99% of the time for 2 yrs#and now im TEARING EVRYTHING UP#LET ME IIIINNNNN LET ME IN TF2#also applies to lethal league but to a lesser extent#sorry for rambling#funny how i use ta spend 100% of my time on animal jam (an online game) and now if i even THINK about an online game im like#“yeah but imagine if the entire userbase wanted you dead lol” like OKAY BRAAINNN#nothing happened on aj to make me feel this way btw i look back on aj very fondly#i do still think that da stamp from user thisdastampdoesnotexist still applies#that one where its like#animal jam logo on a black background with white text reading “i will ruin your life and everything in it”#i love that thang sm#<3 animal jam sucked lowkey but i still love it to death#and im talking about CLASSIC not fucking PLAY WILD which i will never not call play wild because its play wild#you will never be animal jam classic animal jam play wild#my relationship with animal jam is like that screenshot of a set of text messages that read as follows:#Imy 😢😢😢#i miss you too 🥺#i was so drunk i dont miss you bitch#<- me and animal jam
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i’m not like other girls, my “Rest” stats are a heart rate of 110bpm and a HRV of 14 fucking milliseconds. :)
#Seven’s Public Diary#vent#vent post#cw vent#cw vent post#cw health#cw heart#i’m so stressed :) i am soooo fucking stressed and my body is Suffering because of it#i want to just lay here and stare at the ceiling but. maybe a little venting will help#sighhhh wish [N]MbD Sun were here to obsessively fret over me#he can be mean about it idc. at least i’d have someone acknowledging how bad things are for me#sometimes i wonder when the last time was that my body Wasn’t in fight or flight to some degree#have i Ever actually relaxed#hhhhhhh c-ptsd is a bitch#anyways there’s so much to vent about but i’m. doing my best to be vague. i need to be more vague about things#a lot of stuff i can’t vent about anyways. it’s too personal#so instead i’m gonna complain abt how i haven’t been able to play Genshin or Star Rail for nearly a month now#and about how slowly my back is recovering. it’s like every time i re-injure/have a flare up. it heals.. worse. slower and lesser#i dunno how it’s ever gonna get better. truly better. maybe i’ll live with this forever#if being fat is the problem which is definitely partly is. then yeah i’m fucked#all of my problems just make each other worse and i don’t know where the way out of it all is#every time i think i’ve found it i’m wrong and i just make it all worse#anyways as soon as i figure out how to strengthen my core without breaking my back. it’s over for u bitches#‘u bitches’ being uh. all of the shit that needs doing that i cannot physically fucking do right now#i miss being able to sit down. and i’m Regretting de-converting my standing desk back to sitting bc now. i cannot use my PC#which means i can’t fucking do a some of my work or play my silly little gacha games and i’m mad abt it#i’m mad abt a lot more serious things too but again. can’t talk abt it so i’m gonna focus on trivial shit instead#anyways. sorry as always to everyone i haven’t spoken with lately. and in general. i’m so drained from the Everything that i just. can’t.#it shouldn’t be this hard for me to stay in touch w ppl but. it is. guess i’ll add that onto my list of things to be stressed about#i’m so tired of everything man. and i hate being so negative and mean when im stressed & in pain. makes me feel like im becoming my father
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what do you think yaz stopped herself from saying in revolution when she goes "i never stopped to think-"?
bc i think yaz always knew that time with the doctor was like, finite. i think she went into it knowing. she goes into it with "i want more", she knows it will end, she just wants a little bit longer. same in revolution "im not ready to let you go yet". she knows she will have to one day, just not yet, not just yet. i think she felt the clock from the start as much as the doctor always must feel the clock with companions. you meet them and time starts ticking until you lose them. it's a doctor thing to feel, so i think yaz felt it too.
and she knew travelling was dangerous, and she knew people died, but i think maybe she hadnt anticipated that it might be the doctor that would be the one to die? theres something indestructible about them. i mean theyre bouncy. 13 throws herself between the fam and danger from the very first night as if she cant be injured. even when she sort of visibly is.
like theres a lot of things yaz might have been thinking and i dont know if this is the option that makes the most sense, like she might have thought they'd get to say goodbye at least, or she'd get the choice at least, a last trip, anything, that it wouldnt be so abrupt. but i feel like with how power of the doctor ended, with like 13 sort of having to submit to her mortality, and yaz first saving her from it and then having to watch as her body like shows the actual physical signs of what amounts to death in both of their eyes, AND maybe also the fact that 13 doesnt deny it most of all. like theres no pretending it's just you know what this means we both know what this means we stop pretending now, like. All Of That being how it ends. i feel like maybe yaz in revolution/timeless children just wasnt expecting it to be the doctor to die
#just One Guess i dont even think it's the right guess but whatever#im watching 1 scene in the middle of revolution i havent rewatched anything in forever im hardly gonna come up with smth insightful#im just making a video abt the suicidality parallels and how i think yaz wanted to save 13 in s12/revolution the same way that like#people sorta saved her#to come after her to prove that they were looking#bc im sure she sawherself in 13 during s12#theres also a maybe interesting survivors guilt kinda angle here#survivors guilt is obvs the thing 13 shares with graham#parent stuff with ryan#suicidality/policing with yaz#idk just thinking out loud#i dont think yaz felt survivors guilt as much as failed savers guilt (doctor core)#but maybe there was a little bit of /IM still alive rn?? ME??/#you know what i mean?#anyway. thinking out loud#revolutioni s making me remember all the thoughts ihave abt revolution so if im about to make a bunch of posts that#ive made before#whatever#tis my house
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#the problem with a mood profile that is mostly way down with peaks of way up is that when u return to a state of: the bullshit is easy.#i dont need to sleep. i could run around in circles. i could read a million papers. what kind of loser cant manage their life?#u r like: God fucking dammit i fucked up so much stuff. y tf didnt i do yhis at the time???? its so baffling like i went from fuck just let#me sleep forever to agitated and full of evil energy to like: ok im normal im gonna do the extraction ive been putting off for months#y couldnt i have been like this last week when i should have gathered a list of my failing students to the prof to make them withdrawal?#like y tf didnt i do that?????? i mean. its kind of a suspect way to run a class tbh bc u r artificially inflating ur score#but i could have saved like 6 ppl from an F. but i mean if u r struggling its sort of on u to reach out for help.#ugh. ive not been very good at my job this semester. but to b fair my brain has been trying very hard to kill me#genuinely i had to fill out a safety sheet in therapy and then go to a ta meeting where they were like: how r yall doing#? how do u feel abt the semester? and im just like aaaaaaaAAAaaaa 🙃#next semester i think im TAing for an online course. and im hoping its not bc i was so terrible they had to distance me from students lol#i mean. thats probably just me being paranoid but idk well see monday when i ask when the prof wants to meet before next semester#ay. its been a rougher semester than id hoped.#unrelated
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