#gonna make some phone calls.
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girl help the themes and motifs are hitting
#just watched past lives.#found this picture of my elementary school posted by some person who did not even attend there. their caption. okay cool.#i still dream more about those friends than anyone else in my life#movies and tv fueling real life web weaving in my mind#gonna make some phone calls.#past lives#also tho.#severance#true detective#black sails#twin peaks#riverdale#yellowjackets#etc etc#supernatural probably.#girl HELP!!!!!
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Fluent Freshman - 38
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If it werenât for the fact that he and Riko had stumbled across a truly traumatizing video of his birth that they had watched secretly in Tetsujiâs office when he was away on a business trip one weekend Kevin would believe that he was born with an Exy racquet in his hand. But the image that is seared into his retinas to this day has proven that he came into this world empty handed.
That doesnât change the fact that Kevin has spent the majority of his life utterly and completely submersed in Exy. He was trained as a Raven, he was court, he was a champion as both a Raven as a Fox and if he had his way heâd leave college with more Championships under the orange and white than the black and red.
Exy was everything in the world to him.
He could overlook many personality defects if someone brought something to the Court.
Apathetic five foot nothing who was more likely to stab him than shake his hand? Well, heâs the best goalie that Kevin had ever seen in his entire life (and that was saying something).
Tight ass who has anger management issues and will not shut the fuck up about his girlfriend now that heâs not even allowed to have? Well, he is a very solid backliner who has excellent ball handling skills (even if Aaron keeps telling him to stop saying it like that or why he keeps yelling that heâs straight).
Overly touchy, too emotional, will not shut the fuck up about his fiancĂ© in Germany? Well, he is a very solid backliner who is great at rebounds (Kevin doesnât get why Nicky gets mad when he says that or why he brings up Erik).
Guy who actively dislikes him and is dying for any chance to punch him and also being overly attached to his friends? Heâs a great enforcer on the court and had the stamina to play far longer than the other two backliners (Why Dan always said âyeah he doesâ whenever Kevin commented on Mattâs stamina he will never understand, and he also doesnât want to.)
Suspicious kid from Millport with a mouth that could strip paint and a past so shrouded in mystery that it even had Andrew perking up in interest? Well, heâs the fastest Striker in the game and the only person that has ever kept up with Kevinâs obsession with the sport. (There was the minor downside that he was the son of the Butcher and almost died before the championships, but Neil pulled through.)
He tolerated all of them and now theyâre his best friends.
There are some who he does find personally objectionable but so long as Jack and Sheena manage to continue to be good on the court he doesnât care about the many many faults in their personalities. Theyâre his teammates, they arenât his friends.
He accepted that he might not like any of the others that came onto the team. For the most part he had never given a shit about before the Foxes, content with his brotherhood with Riko even if it wasnâtâŠperfect. Then he became friends with FF and FF had done him a truly large favor and Kevin wanted to pay that back the best way he knew how. Through his truly infallible health advice and through perfectly crafted smoothies.
Then Daniel appeared with the truth that FF truly met all requirements to be a Fox and Kevin tasted his own smoothie for the first time.
He considered both revelations to be equally upsetting.
StillâŠ
FF was one of the best dealers Kevin had ever had the pleasure to be on Court with. The man knew his position well and interrupted offensives with an enviable ease that made Kevin wish to possibly strap some sort of device onto him and figure out how he did certain things.
It wasnât that far off to believe that a man raised in the same environment as FF could possibly have similar talents and since Lisa fucked off back to some small town cult they really did need a good sub. Sheena was a good offensive dealer but they had games coming up where defense would be imperative and FF did not have the stamina for a full game and likely would not for quite some time considering heâd be recovering from being stabbed.
So, heâd defended Danielâs right to try out.
At first, he had felt vindicated. Daniel kept up quite well during the initial warm-ups. Kept pace with Jack, Sheena, Aaron, Andrew, and Nicky. Kevin had been bringing up the rear mostly to make sure that Andrew didnât stab the guy during warm-ups.
Then it was time for the first precision drill.
The other thing about how Kevin was raised is that he was raised surrounded only by the best of the best. The Ravens were at the top of the Collegiate hierarchy. The National Court used their stadium for practice.
The worst Exy that Kevin had ever seen in his entire life up until the moment that Daniel took hold of an Exy racquet was still only the worst team in Collegiate Division 1 Exy.
Then Kevin watched the ball go so wide that the entire court went silent.
All of the drills that followed were as bad, if not worse.
Kevin felt himself start to vibrate with anger the longer it went on. He started to shout corrections at Daniel but the younger man merely rolled his eyes, âI think I know what Iâm doing.â He would say before pointedly proving that he did not.
Kevin only realized nearly an hour in that he had wasted his entire practice shouting himself hoarse at the actual waste of human life that was Daniel Stanton.
Kevin could accept being bad at Exy and having an inoffensive personality. Kevin could accept being good at Exy and having a bad personality.
Kevin could not accept being bad at Exy and having a bad personality.
Coach Wymack called the practice to an end and Kevin thought that heâd manage to keep his anger mostly inside (he is ignoring the near hour of practice he spent screaming directions) when Daniel decided to deliver the Coup de Grace.
Sweat soaking his bangs, panting, and without a single thing done correctly (even the way he was currently holding his borrowed Exy racquet set Kevinâs teeth on edge) the man had the gall, the gumption, and the absolute AUDACITY to come up to the coach.
âSo, where do I sign?â he asks.
Kevin sees red and unleashes hell.
***
This was the most fun Andrew has had at a practice since he started having to come to them.
The look of embarrassment on Danielâs face as Kevin accurately tore into everything he did wrong on the Court and every personal failing that Kevin could home in on. His attention shifted away to FF sitting in the stands near the University official who was shaking her head at the obvious poor showing. The University may have wanted Daniel around to spruce up the Foxâs marketability but even they couldnât let someone so obviously awful onto one of their few Division 1 teams.
FF was sat sipping one of Kevinâs god awful smoothies looking completely unshocked by Danielâs showing.
Kevin turned his attention to FF, âYou said he was good!â Kevin points at the freshman as he continues to sip the drink.
Andrew interrupts, âHe never said he was good.â He remembers the conversation so exactly and there are few things he loves more than having the opportunity to rub it in Kevinâs face when the man is wrong, âHe said âDaniel has always been athleticâ never anything about him being good.â Andrew reminds.
Kevin whips back around to Daniel, âHave you ever even played Exy?â Kevin demands.
âI didnât think itâd be hard to pick up.â Daniel argues crossing his arms defensively.
It sets Kevin off on another furious rant.
Andrew had thought that FF didnât have a mean bone in his body and heâs quite pleased to have been proven wrong. The thought that FF had let Daniel get all the way into embarrassing himself in such a way?
Andrew had to give him props.
âHow does it feel getting to watch this idiot crash and burn?â he asks coming to the glass.
âReally thought he could manage it if I could.â FF says with a shrug that has Aaron bark out a laugh.
âYou really figured?â Aaron asks coming to stand next to Andrew.
FF just shrugs again, âI mean I also started not knowing how to play and now Iâm on a pretty good team.â He says as if FF starting as a child not knowing how to play is the same as someone walking in demanding a spot on a college team.
Nicky lets out a laugh.
âOh, Smithy I could kiss you.â Nicky laughs and makes his way towards the Court entrance to likely do exactly that moving past a Daniel who was so red in the face with embarrassment and anger that he looked as if he was about to turn purple.
Andrew tuned in.
ââŠsmall pond. The only reason you ever felt like you were worth anything is that Smiths was too nice to put you in your place before now!â Kevin was probably talking about medium-sized fish in a small pond but Andrew didnât really care to know.
âAre you going to let him talk to me like this?!â Daniel finally turned to Wymack.
âKevin, you shouldnât talk to the public like that.â Wymack says without a hint of chastisement in his voice.
Kevin still straightened at the reminder, âYouâre right. Sorry coach.â Kevin sneered at Daniel, âGet off the court before you taint it.â He hisses.
âYouâre really not going to sign me?!â Daniel demands.
âWhy would I?â Wymack asks with a raised brow.
âYou took a chance on John!â Daniel points towards FF.
Andrew watches as Wymackâs face does something heâd rarely seen it do, it goes utterly and completely cold. âI donât take chances with my kids.â He spat, âI give my kids a second chance. Get the hell off of my court.â He hisses.
Danielâs face purples further before he stomped off of the Court.
âDonât you dare walk off with that racquet! Itâs worth more than you!â Kevin shouts after him and Andrew in that moment realizes that Daniel is going to do something stupid.
And FF is on the other side of the Plexiglass with only Nicky at his side.
Itâs like watching a train crash.
Daniel might say something, but Andrew doesnât know. He sees Neil rushing as well, his sense of danger always well-honed but Neil had been in Captain mode in the moments before walking some of the sophomore and freshmen through what they had done wrong.
Neither of them will make it in time.
Daniel throws his racquet, and he throws it right at FF barely 5 feet away in the stands.
The Racquet blows past FFâs head and Andrew lets out a breath.
Then before it could crash into the seats behind him and break FFâs hand wrapped around the shaft of the stick and stopped itâs trajectory.
âYour aim really isnât getting any better by not listening to Kevinâs advice.â Smith says as he twirls the racquet in his hand so that the net was on the ground. âAlso, donât break the equipment, like Kevin said itâs pretty expensive.â He says.
Daniel let out a primal scream but where Andrew had stalled out to watch the miraculous catch Matt Boyd had not. Daniel was tackled to the ground by the backliner, âAbsolutely not.â Matt said with a scowl.
âSmithy are you okay?â Andrew hears Nicky ask.
âYeah, why?â FF asks as if he hadnât just been attacked but considering everything that Andrew had seen it wouldnât shock him if Danielâs attacks were just par for the course back home for FF. âThe racquet looks okay too.â He adds.
âCoach Wymack,â The University representative made their way down looking flustered at the outburst of violence.
Obviously not someone who regularly watched Exy or paid attention to their team.
âThis is why I wanted absolute control over who does and who doesnât get a shot here.â Wymack hisses pointing at Daniel as he struggled under Matt.
âYou have our sincere apologies for this.â She says looking at Daniel, âHe didnât⊠we thought heâd be good for the teamâs culture but it seems like we may have misjudged-â
âThat guy just tried to take Smithy out!â Nicky interrupts.
âI told you he was dangerous.â Neil adds.
âCan someone call campus security?â Matt asks from the ground, âThis jackass keeps aiming for kidney punches and I would like to not be pissing blood during winter break.â Matt requests.
âO-of course!â the University representative says fumbling for her cell phone.
Andrew looked at Matt and figured that the backliner had a handle on that particular mess at the moment.
He made his way over to FF and Nicky who was checking over the freshman.
âNice catch.â He says.
FF shrugs, âItâs my racquet he was borrowing.â He says, âI didnât want to get a new one.â He adds.
***
FF watches as campus security took custody of Daniel as he continued to spit and scream. There are talks about pressing charges, but FF just wants Daniel off of the campus and away from him. Itâs Jack of all people who says that getting a restraining order is a great way to make sure Daniel stays the hell away from him and FF nods consideringly.
Honestly, heâs still mostly in shock he managed to catch his racquet the way he had. His reflexes werenât quite up to snuff since heâd been trying to catch the netting, but his hand only closed around the shaft.
Embarrassing.
He really hopes no one teases him about his slower reflexes.
âHe needs to be charged for assault at least.â Kevin hisses as they watch the security officers take Daniel away.
âItâd be attempted assault.â Aaron corrects.
âHe assaulted my eyes with his Exy.â Kevin insists.
âIf that counted as assault, donât you think I would have pressed charges for all the times I have had to see you dance at Edenâs?â Neil asks. âAlso, youâre the one that insisted he try-out.â He reminds.
âSmiths told me he was good!â Kevin screeches.
âNo, weâve been over this Day. Smithy said he was athletic.â Nicky reminds. âAre you going to do what Jack suggested?â he asks turning to FF.
âIâd like to see significantly less of Daniel.â FF admits.
âYou know he did actually commit assault, if I pee blood Iâm making Kevin go buy me pads.â Matt says.
âWhatever.â Kevin says as they continued to make their way back to the dorm to get ready for the day.

MASTERPOST FOR ALL PARTS OF FLUENT FRESHMAN AU
NEXT
#Fluent Freshman AU#Up next is the Winter banquet and Winter break#looking forward to that as well#I'd like to thank Snow for their help with some decisions made in this chap#and declunkifying some of my phrasing#I would also like to thank the new Jujutsu Kaisen OP for being a banger#also Unfathomed Force from Trails to Azure OST for continuing to be a banger#Grandma Smith is heading home in the next part which makes me sad even if she hasn't featured a lot in the drafts since the hospital#Daniel absolutely ends up punching a security guard#And ending up in like a holding cell at a real police station#He has one call#And he calls Smith's number demanding he come and help him get out#too bad the only number he has is a phone sitting in Wymack's desk#Guess someone else is gonna have to come and pay bail and help Daniel outta there#also my apologies for putting Daniel on u Elle Woods but it's for the meme#Also also I would like to give a shoutout to Matt Boyd who made the 'save of the day'#Its an award usually for goalies but u da real MVP today#AFTG#AFTG OC#AFTG AU#FF - 38
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i won't make it guys
#i got worseee i'm all sickly and coughy and gooey#worst of it all is that i need to call out sick and i don't want to do that what if they kill me. yes thru the phone#sorry my first job was insane small and family owned so#it left a distorted impression of what is and isn't acceptable to do as an employee đđ#i know it's totally fine now and i shouldn't care but guuuuuuh.#anyway i'm gonna make some chicken soup now
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line art finishedâŠâŠ..
#artwip#i never know if lineart should be one word or 2 honestly#my instinct is one but the lil red line on my screen says twoâŠ.#anyway. how are we doing todayâŠ#iâm ok i guess.#iâm a lil stressed#idk man itâs just like. everything all at once this week i guess.#idk. & i have a whole bunch of stuff i have to do for school & papers due & phone calls to make & registering for classes &#god. i just want to lay down lol#i did also go to the thrift store yesterday & found some movies#first time in MONTHS iâve found any movies off my list. picked up donnie darko. dazed & confused. parent trap. & secret world of arrietty.#not a bad haul.#my current white whale is dinner in america. i doubt i will find it but. i have already found a lot of movies & series i thought impossible#so there is always a very small chance. ok. iâm gonna go watch the new dan da dan. bye.#rainyrambles
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in all my feelings again about publicity n overwatch. the sheer marketing aspect of it. covers of magazines, cartoons, interviews, random civilians grilling them. they're heroes, they're not politicians or bureaucrats. leaders in their fields and dressed in the overwatch blues.
#i have this very specific instance in my head of one of those big fancy fundraising galas where they invite the bigwigs#ambassadors. presidents. royalties. etc etc etc#get good and drunk and keep catching Lena who's in an uncomfortable dress that their costume department insisted on#and she's overstimulated n pissed off and there's one of the ambassadors or sm just touching the accelerator#putting his hand in it. laughing at the tv static feeling it gives him#and lena's just getting more and more uncomfortable until finally someone calls her away n saves her#just having to play nice#lena blames the marketing/pr department for a lot of this - she signed up to be a hero and they're insistent on making her look good#it's *exhausting*#one day I'll write this out more#I'm gonna try to reply to some stuff on my phone before I eep for the night#gn!!!#( ooc. )#ask to tag#also blizz gimme the cartoons god damn it i wanna see my girl
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#vent post#vent blogging#Sevenâs Public Diary#motivating myself to study for my driverâs permit by thinking of the Freedom and independence a license would grant me? â 1/10 ineffective#motivating myself to study for my driverâs permit by imagining all the new & different possible ways i could become injured in a car crash?#â
7/10 it just might fucking work!!!#the only true cure for OCD is to face oneâs fears. but i just might be able to find a loophole via my ever-worsening mental health#because you donât have to Face your fears if you donât Have any fears#and in order to rid myself of my fears regarding harm coming to myself. i simply have to stop fearing being harmed#and what better way to stop fearing it than to actively crave it!#or at the very least become so overwhelmed that i lose the capacity to feel any particular way about it#iâve found a new OCD cure everybody - Just Stop Caringâąïž /sarc#well. sarcastic or joking for everyone else. but im serious when it applies to me#bc so much of my anxiety comes from feeling unsafe. so i just have to reach the point where i stop caring if im safe or not. easy peasy#like yes i know this is flawed and unhealthy logic but iâve resisted more compulsions via this method lately than i have via anything else#and even outside of OCD stuff even just for all my other anxiety disorders itâs also worked. im actually making a modicum of progress now#need to make a scary phone call? just get into a 3-hour family argument and then youâll be so upset that you donât feel fear! :)#genuinely worked very well. scared of a home invasion? well at least itâd mean youâd have some different company for once!#you might make a new friend! or if they **** you at least youâd have some Real trauma for once. itâs a win-win honestly âŠ/hj#so. scared to drive? well even if you Do crash at least it might lead to a hospital visit and then youâll finally get that attention you-#-want so fucking badly! youâll finally get a break from everything while you recover. or even if you donât survive- well. i shanât say.#anyways. the âyouâ in those tags is me talking to myself for the record. i wouldnât speak to anyone else like this. i just speak in the-#-wrong tense/person sometimes. donât know whatâs up with that. just another reason i need to stop speaking altogether. as iâve learned#iâve been trying So fucking hard to be nice lately. letting them walk all over me. and itâs still not enough. cause iâm always-#-âusing the wrong toneâ and âif all im gonna do is say smthn negative i just shouldnât speak at allâ ..okay! gladly!!!#sorry for being autistic and unsocialized and under immense stress and being unable to keep my âtoneâ under control. my bad.#i just need to get blackout drunk with Venti at Angelâs Share. that would fix me.#that or heading down to the bottom of the Fortress of Meropide and curl up like a dog under Wriothesleyâs desk. head empty no thoughts#not sexually. just. in a pet-regression sense. i canât stop thinking abt it. i wanna write a oneshot for it but i canât focus these days#anyways. the delusional maladaptive daydream dissociation will continue until morale improves. and brother itâs only getting worse.
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I'm all for security/cybersecurity, but the uni requesting a phone call with the entire main cybersecurity team and possibly needing me to come in person for another meeting to just change my phone number is fucking ridiculous.
Also, I put in the ticket for this to happen (after an IT team member had to do it for me because that system wasn't working on the regular user end of it) weeks ago and have been waiting for a reply, only for them to start that reply with 'do you still need help with this issue? We haven't heard from you'
only to then admit that yes, they knew they hadn't actually sent me anything about the ticket yet UNTIL THIS FUCKING EMAIL and that they hadn't 'had time' to read up on the actual issue on the ticket.
The IT guy that put the ticket in assured me they would just get it changed with probably nothing more than a confirmation email or me letting them know if I get a code they text to me to confirm the number is correct, bc that's usually how they do it. Don't love that suddenly I need at least one call and potentially an in person meeting just for this. What the fuck are they going to require when I bring them my name change certificate and updated docs?
#text post#and yes I already had to explain to the head of cybersecurity that they need to call my new number for this call#'why?' bc my old phone barely runs while plugged in and might not last through a call#'oh...so I really have to call the 475 number?'#like I couldn't make this shit up my fucking god#im now waiting to find out when/if they're going to do this call since I already gave them my availability for one for today and tomorrow#if I have to in person for this like. I'll do it but my god am I gonna be frustrated abt it#Im gonna need to suck off the dean or some shit to get my name change stuff put into the system and tbh? would rather do that then all this#that's one brief in person meeting versus me being grilled abt why I changed my number#bc yes I was already warned that they need to 'ascertain why I have changed my number and why I would do so now'#I think they think they're like. protecting national secrets or some shit and it's like. bro it ain't that deep I just needed a new phone#and wanted a number from the state I now live in instead of the one from my old state
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having a panic attack re: the state of things in america rn but hahaha everything is fine đđ»
#⥠â kayleighâs yapping#if social security + medicare + veterans payments are done away with my father and i will be out on the fucking streets lmfao#because i am legitimately incapable of working a full-time job with my fucking chronic illnesses đ i wish i could but i cannot đ#and if medicaid is done away with i will literally die and i truly genuinely wish that i was exaggerating#ANYWAYS LMAO EVERYTHING IS FINE đ gonna attempt to sleep asap and then get up tomorrow make some necessary phone calls#and then go tf back to sleep and go to work đđ» i need my puppy therapy right now#luckily it is going to be in the upper 30âsâlower 40âs tomorrow so!!! đđ»đ„č
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Besties it may be so fucking over. I think I might literally unironically have covid.
Which is. So unbelievably Stupid. For the entire duration of its existence I managed to avoid it. I was gonna get my updated vaccine at the end of the month. I go to a concert (one of many for the fucking record) and I am masking for the majority of it. I get fucked up by a crowd surfer I almost lose a piercing (bloody but healed okay, was only a bit crusty the day after). Maybe it wasn't the wisest decision to put it right back in but like bitch???????????? What else was I gonna do?????? I mean. Maybe if I were smarter I would have just waited til I got home to fully sanitize it. It did happen during the last set. But like are you kidding me do you think I'm thinking anything other than "Oh shit I almost lost a piercing and it would be a pain in the ass to replace it and I don't wanna risk my hole closing up". In all fairness I think I'm allowed to be a bit stupid there.
Anyways my symptoms haven't been cold like or flu like and they feel exactly like what I experienced when I got the vaccine way back when. Headaches, muscle aches, loss of taste, difficulty breathing even just with. A sports bra. I kinda stopped binding a while ago bc of the strain. It may be so fucking over for me. Literally get top surgery or just fucking die. Have to figure out what's up here first though, gonna call my doctor about it. đ§
#the phone call i've been really struggling w was for top surgery. mentally i'm just. fighting for my life about it#not the surgery but like. the Process. it's always some god damn process. if i could go under the knife tomorrow#i fucking would in a heartbeat.#broadly speaking like i am fighting for my life to get this happening bc i'm gonna age out of my dad's insurance#i also have no idea what that holds. like. do i just die. am i just left for dead. no more meds no more therapy nothing.#to be fair my therapist has said that won't be the case. and she'll help me make the changes necessary#but like i can't help but ALWAYS feel like i'm on borrowed time. the future isn't real and isn't for me.#milo doomerism moment. sorry.#to be fair i cannot live the rest of my life like this. the body positivity movement has been great esp for trans people#but like. i cannot body positivity myself out of dysphoria. i'm just not built like that.#i'm almost jealous of people who can. and i have to remind myself that's so epic and cool actually i love that for them#but like. my own experience w my own body. bitch i barely fucking live here. i hate it here.
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FANTASY HIGH JUNIOR YEAR
HEY. HEY YOU GET THAT? NEED ME TO SAY IT AGAIN?
FANTASY HIGH
...READY? YOU'RE LISTENING, RIGHT? TAKING NOTES?
J U N I O R Y E A R
#bro i literally JUST turned on my pc to watch the new make some noise before a phone call#AND ITS JUST RIGHT THERE#IN MY FACE#fantasy high junior year is gonna be echoing in my skull until the day arrives#never been happier to be wrong when theorizing the new ih season#all hail the fhjr truthers#dimension 20#d20#fantasy high junior year#fhjr
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am i allowed to be vulnerable for two minutes and then we never talk about it again
#i keep waiting for there to be like this big revelation re: god for me like it is in the movies but.#you know. i donât think thatâs gonna happen#I DON'T KNOWWWWWWWW i don't know!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! banging my head on the wall#i wish my relationship with god wasn't so precarious and i wish joseph smith was never born#and i wish i had guidance and i wish i could talk about my feelings but i don't know how to vocalize them.#anyway. a pal of mine was talking about her conversion to the episcopalian church this weekend#so i'm doing some research and it seems? decent? like this could be it?#of course it's not perfect and it never will be. there will always be things i disagree with but you know. could be a start#i mean yeah. i could always join a non-denominational church but that's not enough for me. i need. something#whatever! maybe i should stop trying to pigeon-hole myself. whatever.#no light is gonna flash in front of my eyes but the sunlight streams in through my window and maybe thatâs enough#anyway! i'm gonna go eat lunch. white people taco afternoon#i need a long phone call with someone but the thought of being vulnerable makes me want to puke#chatter#also like. it's scary! it's scary to feel alone and feel like you can't reach out and talk about it!
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#ooc || [out of character]#pokegear || [mobile]#sorry guys I know I promised to be on today after I finished making these phone calls but yeah no my mood has completely dropped#so I think I'll just get on tomorrow with a better & clearer headspace. had to handle some stuff regarding my dad & his assets#its making me really fucking sad & I miss him so I'm just gonna go take a nap or something.
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i was hanging out with aqua bestie we were just going into random stores and i saw off brand sonny angel blind box and i had to have it just for the thrill of opening it. I wanted fawn and i got⊠fawn <3 i should not start gambling thatâs all i took from this experience
#i wanted either fawn or bunny of course but iâm so happy with my blind bag hashtag successsss iâm gonna put it on my phone case#itâs one of those that hangs yk whatever they are called hip something it said on the box lmfao#but if i got bunny i would put it on my bunny case ah whateverrr. I also got my protein powder and iâm about to make overnight oats#and walk boni and do my lower body workout and do some work đ§đŒââïžđ€ and tomorrowwww cocktails and FUN!#tt
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ok astronomy work done. lunch time ^_^
#marzi speaks#once that's done i'm gonna make some phone calls n then assess what else i need to do :)#but i'm doin good methinks
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I had such BAD anxiety yesterday and was just in this like frozen/dissociating state majority of the day and felt my heart racing⊠todayâs my momâs birthday and Iâve been out & about with her all morning so far. I think I needed this and to get out of the house and try to relax for a bitâŠ
#I bought myself some jewelry Iâve had my eye on at tj maxx as a treat :3#mom let me use her starbucks birthday freebie and got myself a venti chocolate cream cold brew :3#weâre still gonna go look at some stores/places but I think I needed to get out of the house for once#Iâve just been stressed/depressed about politics/me spiraling in general/etc#also been stressing about calling the financial aid office at my nursing school about fafsa/loans for â25-26#cuz I was told they would contact me about it this month in January last summer#and I still havenât heard from them and they havenât returned my calls or voicemails#I was making myself overthink/spiral over making this phone call tbh⊠Iâm always anxious about making phone calls for important stuff
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sometimes i feel like extending the kindness you can, when you can, is the only thing there is
#two days ago on the train home from work there was a woman next to me with three very young kids.#she was trying to keep them in the seats#exasperated and tired and yelling.#trying to make a phone call as the kids swung on the handrails and did cartwheels in the train car#i wasn't trying to listen to the call but caught that somebody had died in a station.#I tried to mind my business for a few minutes;#the kids bounced around as their mom tried to wrestle them down and took a swig from a bottle of vodka in their wagon.#when there was a break in her phone call i said âthis is none of my business but if you want me to keep the kids busy I can try to help.â#and she said âyou're not gonna be able to. they're being real bad. but you can try.â#so I took some post-its out of my backpack and folded them tiny paper cranes#(I tried showing them how to fold cranes but they were far too young for fine motor skills.)#I stuck post-its to the seats and gave them my pens so they could scribble and draw.#I told them I'd draw them anything they wanted if they sat in the seats while I drew.#I challenged them to a breath-holding contest.#When one started showing me that he could do cartwheels in the car aisle I asked him to come sit down and I could draw him doing a flip.#All in all I think they ended up more or less in the vicinity of the seats almost all of the time and having some kind of fun -#I almost missed my stop. I gathered my pens and pencils back from the kids and picked up the post-it confetti from the floor#and when I was putting my helmet on and grabbing my bike the kids waved goodbyeand the mom looked grateful#and told the kids to all say goodbyelike clearly they were in rough times#like clearly they were in rough times#money. health. holding on#there is so much I can't give#but I can give twenty-five minutes
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