#gonna just novelize crop--

[baeshijima]

haha well guess who caught up with and finished season 5 of [inso’s law] and now has to wait until summer for season 6 and is super totally incredibly fine and ready for it and definitely didnt nearly throw up from crying so much from the last couple of chapters :D

[videovamptramp]

love’s never been much to me (but i’ll come with you if you’re sure that’s what you need)

// wednesday hates the new girl. //

warnings: minor character death (not that important) wednesday being mean, wednesday being a jealous asshole, sensitive reader, crying, harsh words. angst but happy ending <3

when your parents first sent you and your sisters to a boarding school in vermont, you tried your hardest not to be upset about it. you understood your mothers death impacted your father in ways you couldn’t imagined. you were sure it impacted you in ways he could never fathom as well— but you couldn’t help but feel like an outcast on the first day. your older sister elise was fitting in great, as soon as she showed up. her high grades put her in honors classes, and her contagious smile along with that charming, intelligent intellect caused people to migrate to her quickly. your younger sister sabrina was no different, she was beautiful, and had the best style out of anyone you’ve ever met. it wasn’t hard for either for them to make friends.

you however, tugged at the longsleeves of your tight black cropped top, and you kept your eyes open and aware of your surroundings. everyone at the school looked like they were either rich, or smart as hell. “hey i really like your jeans.” a tall, dark haired brunette tells you as she approaches you. you smile, “thanks! i love your cardigan.” you compliment her, and she smiles back at you. “i’m yoko. i think your my new roommate.” she admits, and your eyes widen. “oh shit, seriously? i haven’t even gotten a chance to see my roommate yet. i just put my stuff on the empty bed… but the rooms nice. you’ve kept it clean!“ you begin to ramble, and yoko laughs. “you seem nice. i think we’re gonna get along great.” she proclaims, flashing you a grin.

yoko was your first friend at nevermore academy. she was bright, generous, gave great fashion advice, and was someone you knew you could trust right away. it didn’t take long for you both to become nearly inseparable. that’s when you begin getting close to enid, divina, and even bianca; some of yoko’s other close friends. you and enid have the most in common. you find yourself hanging out with the blonde whenever your roommate is busy with nightshade society. it isn’t until you and enid have plans for the mall one afternoon, that you end up in her room. that’s when you see her. wednesday addams. her long braided black hair, her long lashes, and that all black outfit. you had barely seen her in the halls, but had no classes with her at all.

“i hope you and your friend aren’t planning on staying here. i’m working on my novel.” wednesday states, barely looking up from her typewriter. you look at her with pure interest, “you’re a writer? what are you writing about?” you ask curiously, and she rolls her eyes. “things a peabrain like you wouldn’t understand.” she mutters, and you giggle at her cattiness. “ignore wednesday, she’s allergic to color and all things nice. let’s go y/n, the mall closes at 6 today.” enid says, as she grabs her coat. “okay! sabrina’s tagging along, she said she needs some new shoes.” you explain, and enid smiles, “that’s fine! i love her! i heard she has a crush on joey from physics.” enid admits, and you gag. “ew! he looks like one of those guys that doesn’t wash their ass.”

enid bursts into fits of laughter as you both make your way to the door, “bye wednesday, it was nice officially meeting you.” you wave at the raven haired girl, who doesn’t even spare you a glance. “i wish i could say the same.” she grumbles, and you can’t fight the smile that tugs on your lips as you and enid make your way out. as you two walk down the hall, and towards sabrina’s room, enid pipes up; “hey, don’t take anything wednesday says personally, she’s like that with everybody.” enid explains, and you shake your head. “oh it’s fine! she’s pretty cute.” you admit with a blush, and enid shakes her head in disbelief. “wednesday and cute don’t belong in the same category. maybe violent, or irritable; even sassy fits.” enid jokes and you laugh. “well, she’s still pretty. even if she doesn’t quite like me.” you say as you walk into your younger sisters room.

“who doesn’t like you?” sabrina asks, as she looks away from the mirror where she was fixing her make up in, and over to you and enid. “wednesday.” you say, and sabrina furrows her brows, “who?” she asks. “my roommate. she’s in our grade, super grumpy, wears all black.” enid explains bluntly as she takes a seat on sabrina’s bed. “is she short?” sabrina asks and enid nods eagerly. “yup that’s her!” the blonde exclaims. “oh god, y/n/n, you like her? she’s emo.” sabrina points out, and you pout, “what’s wrong with that?!! she’s totally cute!” you declare, and enid flashes you a pointed look. “and totally hates you.” she reminds you, and you blush sheepishly. “hate and love are two very similar things.” you joke causing enid to groan and throw a pillow your way.

you start seeing wednesday a lot more after that. you always go out of your way to say hi to her, or even talk to her. even though she never seems excited to talk to you, she doesn’t ignore you, and you take that as a good sign. sabrina and you have always been the closest out of your siblings; she was only a year younger than you, yet you two were more like best friends than sisters. that’s exactly why she’s the first person you confess to about having a crush on wednesday.

“you can’t be serious, y/n/n. she hates your guts!” sabrina points out as you two eat lunch under the old oak tree. you had just admitted it to her, and the brunette was staring at you as if you had three heads. “i know! but she’s so hot! and have you heard her voice? ugh… i got it bad, the other day i asked her if she came her often… to school!!” you groan, and she shakes her head, chuckling softly. “damn… i for sure would have thought you would’ve fell for yoko… or even enid. but wednesday? seriously? have you guys even had an actual conversation that didn’t involve you trying to awkwardly flirt with her?” sabrina asks, and you nod.

“i was talking to her about her novel the other day… she’s a smart ass, but she’s definitely smart. like probably smarter than elise.” you admit, and sabrina laughs. “damn, maybe you should ask elise how to tutor you in the art of being a bitch.” she jokes, and you giggle. “maybe. she’s definitely too busy with jake. have you seen the way she gets when he texts her?” you inquire as you eat a cookie off your sisters tray. “yeah, it’s disgusting.” the younger girl says after rolling her eyes. “she still hasn’t talked to me because i stained her flannel. i got her a new one and said i was sorry!” sabrina exclaims, and you laugh. “she’s taking it personal. you’re gonna have to gravel. or just buy her food after her debate club. she’s always hungry after arguing.” you retort, taking a sip of your chocolate milk.

“ugh, she was made for debate. i’m thinking about joining the soccer team.” she reveals, and your eyes widen. “awww that would be awesome! you’d be great!” you say honestly, and she flashes you a smile. “thanks y/n/n.” she says softly as she finishes her sandwich. “hey that reminds me! my friend xavier was saying something about a book club on thursday’s at the library. you should check it out!” she says as she opens her backpack and pulls out a flyer. she hands it to you, and you take it, skimming over it. your eyebrows raise slightly, “huh, i actually think i’m gonna check it out. i need new book ideas. i’m tired of re-reading ‘black house’.” you tell her and she beams. “i thought of you as soon as he showed me the flyer!“

unbeknownst to you and sabrina, wednesday also received the same flyer from xavier. that’s how the two of you both ended up in the library on tuesday. you’re a bit early, and so is she, along with a few other students. you take a seat right beside her, and she glances at you. “are you lost? this isn’t the romance novel book club. they meet on tuesday’s.” she cattily remarks, and you chuckle. “i didn’t even know they had a club for that.” you admit, ignoring her comment. wednesday can’t help but continuously glance at you; you’re wearing baggy jeans, a tight fitted top, along with a pair of gray converse. wednesday is wearing an oversized black knitted sweater, fishnets, and a pair of black doc marten boots. her hair is braided and she looks gorgeous as ever.

“i actually don’t enjoy romance novels. it makes me feel like i’m reading really cheesy fanfics. my little sister gave me the flyer for this club. i need new book recommendations.” you say simply, and wednesday purses her lips, “this is a book club for thriller and horror novels.” she points out, and you nod. “i know. i read the flyer, addams.” you joke, and she looks at you. “what’s your favorite book?” she asks, and you blush sheepishly as you reach into your bag and pull out your old copy of ‘black house’ by stephen king. “i know it’s a bit basic but he really does have wonderful novels. i really enjoyed ‘she’s gone’ by david bell as well. the ending was a plot twist. poor girl.” you ramble slightly, and you blush as you realize she’s staring at you. you tuck a strand of curly hair behind your ear, your eyes meet hers, “what’s your favorite book, wednesday?” you ask her, sounding genuinely curious.

“the original frankenstein book is unmatched. but i suppose the haunting of hill house is good as well.” she answers curtly and you smile at her as she avoids your sweet gaze. “i too carry a copy of frankenstein around because it’s my favorite.” she confesses, making you grin. “you’ll have to lend it to me sometime. if that’s okay of course.” you say so gently she nearly grimaces at how soft your voice is. she reaches into her backpack, and pulls out the old copy, before handing it to you. you reach for it, but she pulls it away abruptly. “black house. i’d like to read it.” she declares, taking you by slight surprise. you nod vigorously, “sure! here!” you say happily, as you shove the copy of your favorite book into her free hand. you gladly take the original ‘frankenstein’ copy, and flash her a smile that makes her nauseous.

“hello everyone. i see we have quite a few eager readers. i’ve picked out a few good reads, and we’ll all have a vote on which one you all wanna read this week.” one of the teachers you hardly know interrupts your moment with wednesday, as she sits down in front of the group. wednesday doesn’t say a word to you during the rest of the session. though, she cannot seem to stop thinking about you as she reads ‘black house’. the little side notes you wrote— the highlighted parts you thought were important. she finds herself enjoying the book, and she can’t believe someone like you actually has good taste. perhaps wednesday misjudged you.

she’s pulled out of her thoughts one evening by your giggling. you’re laughing at something sabrina and her friends were saying. that’s when wednesday sees you take a hit of one of their wax pens, blowing the smoke in your younger sisters face, and giggling wildly. she shakes her head, prying her eyes away from you. nope. you’re still an idiot, she thinks. an idiot who seems to be interested in good books. but that’s your only redeeming quality in wednesday’s opinion.

“hey wednesday, are you enjoying the book?“ you ask as you approach the raven haired girl. wednesday looks over at where you were just sitting with your group of annoying friends and little sister. they seemed to have scattered, and she hadn’t even noticed you making your way up to her. “it’s not terrible. i truly enjoy the way he doesn’t shy away from the gruesome details and thoughts.” she explains, and you nod in agreement as you sit next to her. she doesn’t tell you to get lost even though she should. your girly perfume fills her senses, and she sticks her nose in the air as she looks away from you. “yeah, stephen king is already not afraid to cross any lines, but peter straub is totally fucked in the head. i like it.” you confess in a dorky way that makes wednesday turn her head and stare at you for a second.

“what?“ you ask curiously, wondering what she was staring at. “how did i never notice how much of a dork you are?” she asks, and you roll your eyes, blushing deeply— you pull your knees up to your chest, and you stare at your shoes. “maybe because you’ve never bothered to get to know me.” you joke, before looking at her. the sunlight is hitting your hair, and the way your bangs falls just above your eyelashes— wednesday never noticed how brown your eyes are. they change in the sun and she’s never noticed that about anyone. “well, you are insufferable… but i suppose i don’t mind speaking to you.” wednesday mutters, and you smile widely. there’s that nauseating feeling again. she wants to kiss wipe that smile right off your face.

“oh! i finished frankenstein! it was so fucking good but so fucking sad— i almost don’t want to read ‘black phone’. i know i’m gonna end up crying again.” you admit, and wednesday shakes her head. “you cried? i understand frankenstein is tragic, but crying is a bit dramatic don’t you think?” she asks, and you shrug. “i’m a sensitive person. here’s your book, thanks for lending it to me. if you have any other book recommendations i’d really appreciate them.” you confess shyly, and wednesday takes note of the rosy pink blush coating your cheeks and nose. she doesn’t understand why you’re so adamant on getting to know her and talk to her. shouldn’t she have scared you off by now like she usually does with everyone else?

“thomas harris. silence of the lambs. i have a copy in my room, i’ll lend it to you tomorrow.” she states, and you smile widely. god she wishes you’d stop doing that.

wednesday begins to notice everything you do. the way you laugh, or mess with the holes in your jeans when you’re bored. you heart your ‘i’s’, and chew on your bottom lip when you’re nervous. you’re kind to everyone, and she hasn’t encountered a single person who has spoken badly about you. wednesday finds herself at a loss because she actually wants to talk to you, but she realizes she never wants to talk to anyone. she can’t for the life of her figure out what’s so different about you. or how she went from hating you, to thinking about you nearly every hour of the day. she even catches herself thinking about your giggle in the middle of class.

in december wednesday finds you sitting alone in the garden; a spot she enjoyed coming to be alone. just when she was about to tell you to get lost, she got closer, and heard the sniffling. “y/n?” wednesday’s voice causes you to jump a bit. you weren’t expecting anyone to be here and see you like this. you look up at her; those bambi eyes are red and full of tears, and your cheeks were stained, as if you had been crying for awhile now. wednesday forgets who she is and immediately feels concern wash over her. did somebody make you cry? was she going to have to commit murder? “what happened?“ she asks demandingly, before she takes a seat on the bench beside you. “i-it’s my moms birthday today…” you trail off, trying to hold back tears but failing miserably. “oh. did you call her?“ wednesday questions, and you shake your head, “she— she p-passed away last year.” you explain, and wednesday looks at you intensely.

“i’m sorry.” she sounds sincere, and it takes you by surprise as you stare at her with those vulnerable eyes. “she probably misses you as much as you miss her.” wednesday adds, and you feel your heart flutter in your chest. “y-you’re sweet. thanks for sitting with me.” you thank her gently, and she responds with an eye roll, “i’m not sweet, and if you tell anyone i sat with you, i’ll cut all your pretty hair off.” she threatens, and you sniffle as you blush, an inevitable smile creeping onto your face. “you think my hair is pretty?“ you ask, and for the first time since you met wednesday addams, the heat rises to her cheeks causing them to turn a shade of crimson red. “shut up, y/n.” she says warningly, shooting a murderous look your way. instead of lookinh terrified like anyone else would, you stare at her with an expression of pure adoration.

things change after your encounter with wednesday in the garden. you catch her staring more than she normally would, and whenever you approach her, you notice she doesn’t seem as annoyed as she used to. sure, she’s still as grumpy as ever, but your presence didn’t annoy her anymore, and that was strange. she normally gets irritated with everyone, but you somehow have become an exception. wednesday was not only okay with you coming up to her and talking her ear off, she was also looking forward to it. thoughts of you and even your voice would plague her mind. she thought of you before she fell asleep, and as soon as she awoke, there you were on her mind like clockwork.

it isn’t until wednesday sees you talking to aaron from botany, he seems to be staring at you with a glint in his eyes. you’re smiling at him in that way that always makes wednesday’s stomach flutter. but you’re directing it at him instead, and that nauseating feeling she usually gets, turns into a burning sensation in the pit of her stomach. suddenly she has never hated anyone more than aaron jeffery. she glares at him; she’s certain if he notices he’ll probably shit himself. but he doesn’t notice; you do. you turn your head, and your eyes lock with wednesday’s tenebrous orbs. you light up at the sight of her, and now your smile is directed at her. you wave cutely, “hey wednesday!” you greet her from across the courtyard before looking at aaron. “i’ll see you next period!” you exclaim, and he nods with a smile as you rush over to the raven haired girl.

“hi.” you giggle as you tuck a loose strand of hair behind your ear. wednesday tenses up, “hi. what were you talking to jeffery’s about?” she asks, trying to sound as uninterested as possible. “we got assigned to be partners earlier this year in botany class, and we just sort of became friends that way.” you shrug, and wednesday has an uncomfortable knot in her stomach. “oh.” is all the shorter girl responds with, causing you to furrow your eyebrows. “is there a problem between you and aaron? like some sort of secret beef i don’t know about?” you ask half jokingly, and she shakes her head. “i don’t like him.” wednesday answers quickly. “he stares at you like he’s never seen a girl in his sorry little life. don’t get me started on the way he dresses.” wednesday rants a bit, and all of your confusion seems to dissipate as a wave of realization washes over you. wednesday addams is jealous of aaron, because she thinks he likes you.

“but aaron is crushing on stacey mathew’s.” you remind her and wednesday scowls. “i don’t care. since when does that stop boys?” she mutters, and you tilt your head to the side, like a confused puppy. “wen… are you jealous of him?” you ask her, and the way you’re smirking makes her shoot a murderous glare your way. she’s not an idiot. she’s completely aware she’s jealous of that tall boy and his kind smile that wednesday doesn’t have. but to admit she’s envious of him, would be to admit how she feels about you. wednesday would rather die before admitting that your voice is something she looks forward to hearing every single day. or even how every time she reads a stephen king book she thinks of you.

“jealousy is a feeling, y/n, and we both know i don’t do feelings.” she declares trying to sound serious. you raise your eyebrows, “then you wouldn’t care if i said he was cute?” you question, clearly just trying to get a rise out of her, and it obviously works because she glares at you. “he looks like a burnt chicken.” she hisses, and you giggle wildly. “no feelings my ass.” you retort sarcastically, and the raven haired girls expression stays firm. “i don’t have feelings, y/n! much less any regarding you and that fried roach.” she snaps in that usually harsh tone she always saves for other people, and never you. yet today her stare is harsh and it’s directed towards you. the trace of softness you usually see in her big brown-black orbs is gone; instead there’s something inscrutable in her gaze and you can’t quite figure out what it is.

you frown, “no feelings regarding me at all? is that your polite way of saying you don’t care about me whatsoever?” you ask uncertainly, and she rolls her eyes. “i don’t care about anybody. everybody at this school is a dimwitted, supernatural moron with no concept of reality or the real world. if that bothers you, maybe you should just go run along and follow aaron jeffery around everywhere like a lost, pathetic puppy. the same way you follow me around.” her tone is so cold, and so unlike whenever she speaks to you. she sounds the same way as when you first met her. you blink a few times, and then, something terrible happens to wednesday. not the good kind of terrible that she loves— no, the terrible that makes her stomach twist and churn… your bottom lip begins to tremble and the heart she’s been so intent on hiding from everyone, falls into the pit of her belly.

tears well up in your eyes, and suddenly she’s replaying every cruel word she just said. they were all because you were right. she was jealous of aaron. “you could’ve just said you didn’t want to hang out with me. or that you don’t like me… you don’t have to be so cruel just because you know how i feel about you.” you manage to say while your voice shakes and wednesday can see the look of hurt in those chocolate brown eyes. you turn around and rush off, leaving wednesday alone with her thoughts and unwanted emotions. that interaction hadn’t gone as she planned, but what could she do about it? chase you and beg for forgiveness? admit that what you said was not only true but spot on? she was jealous, and she did know about the way you feel about her. though you weren’t aware of what she was feeling for you. the more she got to know you, the more she realized she liked. even the things she was supposed to hate, she found made those dead butterflies in her stomach resurrect and flutter around with pure life.

she found herself having to pretend to dislike your presence, but it seemed as though you could see right through wednesday and her grumpiness. you even dealt with it just to hang out with her. though, there were undoubtable moments where you just knew wednesday returned all those feelings she claimed she didn’t have. you would ramble on and on about a book or show, and when you’d look up her eyes would be on you, taking in every word. even when she wasn’t looking at you, she was listening. you knew because she remembered every detail, down to the silliest thing. though it was never silly to you, it always made your heart skip a beat. almost everything wednesday did for you, made your heart rate pick up. you noticed everything when it came down to her; the way her gaze would soften up whenever looking at you, or how she let you hug her and hold her hand.

yet, wednesday’s words sounded so serious and cold. you couldn’t help but wonder if maybe, wednesday addams has hated you this whole time. maybe everything was in your head, and she really didn’t like you or anyone else at this school for that matter. maybe wednesday really was as heartless as she claims to be… but you don’t believe that. you can’t. there’s too many things she does that prove her wrong, yet if you ever called her out on them, she would most likely deny everything. if she didn’t want to like you, wasn’t that just as bad as not liking you? she knew she liked you, and she still didn’t want you. that hurt you more than anything else regarding your love life has.

when enid sees you crying she rushes in your direction, excusing herself from ajax and their mutual friends as she follows you towards your dorm. “y/n, what happened!?” she asks in pure concern as she follows you into yours and yoko’s shared bedroom. “did— did wednesday make you cry?” she asks cautiously, and you sniffle, nodding. enid feels a wave of nerves hit her. if wednesday was in a bad enough to mood to snap at you, maybe that meant everyone should stay clear from her today. there’s no telling what she’d do to people she actually hated. “what happened? did she say something to you?” the blonde asks patiently, and you look down at your converse. “dimwitted, supernatural moron… and a pathetic puppy. that’s what she thinks of me.” you whisper, and enid frowns.

“you’re none of those things, y/n. you’re a great friend and i know wednesday didn’t mean what she said. she’s just a grump.” enid points out and you shake your head. “i think she did, enid. i can’t keep trying so hard for her to like me. i should’ve taken the hint a long time ago and just left her alone.” you mutter, looking up and meeting enid’s eyes. her eyes are empathetic and sincere, “no, y/n, wednesday loves you! she just doesn’t want to admit it! she’s changed since she started hanging around you… she’s been nicer in her own little wednesday way. there’s less threats, and hate towards color or people. it’s because of you.” she insists, and you look at your fingers that you’re playing with nervously.

“i’ve seen the change, but until she apologizes or tells me how she feels herself, i think it’s best to keep my distance from wednesday…” you trail off, and enid can see the words hurt you to say. she frowns, but nods, “i understand and respect your decision, even it means i will have to deal with a very grumpy wednesday.” she murmurs and you flash her a sad smile. “sorry, enid…” you trail off, you thoughts immediate going to the raven haired girl you’re so helplessly in love with.

wednesday notices the change right away. it’s been a week since she said those mean things to you, and she couldn’t stop thinking about you. wednesday went from being the only person you’d seek out to talk to, to being the only person you’re avoiding. she feels like she’s been hit with the plague, because you won’t even look at her anymore. it drives her crazy when sees you and you don’t light up the way you used to, or even smile in her direction. she never thought silence (one of her favorite things), would drive her this mad when it was coming from you. she hated to admit she missed your voice, and all the things she thought she hated about you… like the way you talk too much, and practically shower in that girly perfume that tickles wednesday’s senses in the worst way. when she smells it in the halls her belly burns.

“she’s been miserable without you.” enid cuts into wednesday’s thoughts one lunch period, as she notices her roommate staring at you from the other side of cafeteria. you were sitting with elise and her friends today, looking absolutely miserable. it was no secret your older sister often was one of your biggest bullies, though it came from a place of love, the things she said still affected you. much like wednesday, she said things bluntly and honestly, not caring if she hurt anyones feelings. “she’s the one that decided to stop sitting here.” wednesday says back, her tone harsh and abrasive. enid rolls her eyes, “because you called her a dimwitted, supernatural moron, wednesday!” enid points out, causing everyone at the table to look at the two.

wednesday shoots daggers at the blonde, “i said it in regards towards everyone at this school!” wednesday hisses, and enid shakes her head in dismay. “it’s the same thing. not to mention you called her a ‘pathetic puppy’, don’t you have any idea how much your words hurt? especially to someone who has feelings for you.” she states sternly, and the raven haired girls careless expression falters. a trickle of silence passes, and wednesday speaks. “i didn’t mean it.” the shorter girl mutters, and enid raises a brow as she reaches for her fruit cup. “then why did you say it?“ the werewolf questions curiously, causing the short girl sitting beside her to sigh in frustration.

“because she was gushing over aaron jeffery!” wednesday snaps and enid raises both of her eyebrows in amusement. “and why did that bother you? i thought you and y/n were just friends; didn’t you say you hated the idea of love and romance because of your parents?” enid inquires, and wednesday grips the edge of the table so tightly her knuckles change in color. “this isn’t romance or love, i merely believe that y/n can do better than someone like that gross ogre.” she declares simply, and enid smirks, clearly not believing wednesday. “she can do better? as in someone like you?” enid asks with a shit-eating grin on her face, and wednesday glowers at her roommate.

“you may be my roommate, but i wouldn’t think twice about ripping your tongue out with my bare hands.” wednesday threatens the blonde, causing enid to giggle. “oh my god! you really do have feelings for y/n!” enid whisper/yells excitedly. “you have to tell her!” she exclaims, and wednesday keeps a straight face as she looks back down at her open book, deciding to simply ignore enid’s presence. “i mean, sure, you may have royally messed up by saying those things to the only person who’s genuinely not afraid of you, but she’s a sweetie. she’ll understand if you just tell her you were jealous.” enid rambles, and wednesday snaps her book shut, glaring at the blonde.

“call her a ‘sweetie’ again and i really will rip your tongue out.” she hisses as she stands up and walks out of cafeteria. enid gulps, and she looks over at you who’s watching wednesday walk away. wednesday’s head is plagued by thoughts of you. she goes to her room and tries to work on her novel, but she can’t concentrate long enough to get anything done. her homework got done later than usual because of how much she’s thinking about you. the raven haired girl sighs in frustration as she looks over at thing who’s sitting on the corner of her desk.

“i messed up.” she says aloud, making thing perk up at the sound of her voice. he makes his way towards her, and she looks at him with eyes of vulnerability. she’d never let anyone see her like this, but thinking about you and your face of hurt makes her feel enormously guilty. “what did you do?” thing taps, and wednesday purses her lips. “i… god this is embarrassing… i was jealous of aaron jeffery.” she says his name with disdain, curling her upper lip in disgust. “i know, i know. why should i, a superb young woman, who is by far the most amazing person at this awful place, be jealous of a burnt chicken like him? well, because y/n thinks he’s cute. can you believe that? she thinks he’s cute.” thing is silent while wednesday rants, finally allowing all of her feelings to come seeping out in her rushed words. “what was i supposed to tell her? that i think she has the most soul crushing smile on the planet and i would die to see it over and over again? that when she smiled at him it made me want to add him to the list of murders? she makes me sick every time she looks at me, like there’s a bunch of moths in my stomach that are about to fly out of my mouth. i can’t tell her any of that.” wednesday hisses, and thing taps, “you are in love.”

wednesday viscously glares at thing, “love is for morons!” she snaps, “you are a moron.” thing taps back, and wednesday goes silent. “yes. i suppose i am. i mean, i did let her get a way.” she whispers, and thing taps again. “talk to her. say sorry.” he insists, and wednesday purses her lips. “i’m not saying i’m going to, but hypothetically if i were to apologize, how would i do that?” she inquires curiously.

you rub your temples tiredly after you finish revising your essay for botany class. you had been doing homework all evening and were finally done. though, your homework was slightly prolonged due to the way your thoughts would trail off towards a certainly pig tailed addams. you would think about the way her eyes would pour into you, or the way her lips would twitch into the faintest of smiles as she would listen to you go on and on. yet, you can’t help but think about what she said. truthfully, you wouldn’t be so angry if she’d just apologize. sure, the words hurt, but you’d forgive her if she just said she’s sorry.

but she hasn’t even tried to speak to you, and that’s what hurts the worst.

*knock, knock*

the light knocks on your door cause your head to snap in its direction. an envelope flies under your door, and you furrow your eyebrows as you stand up and make your way towards it. you pick it up, your name is written on it and you recognize that handwriting anywhere. wednesday. you open the door, but there’s no one there; you can see thing thumping down the hall towards wednesday’s room. you can’t fight the smile that tugs at your lips as you open the envelope, and pull out the letter inside.

“y/n,

please excuse how late this is. i understand if you don’t read this, but if you do, would you do me the favor of coming to my room whenever you can? i wish to say a few things to you in regards of our last conversation. if you don’t come, that’s alright too. i’m deeply sorry for what i said. you were right, and i was jealous. you aren’t a moron, or pathetic. you aren’t like anyone at this school. — w.a”

your heart flutters in your chest as you read the letter. wednesday wants to apologize? was this some kind of trap to hurt your feelings again? you chuckle at the absurdity of this, but you can’t help but feel your cheeks heating up at the sincerity of the letter. you take a step out of your room, and close the door behind you. you hold the letter in your hand the entire way to wednesday’s room. when you knock the door flies open, and there’s wednesday standing in front of you with an unrecognizable look on her face. “you came.” she states observantly, had she really thought you wouldn’t? you were crazy about her after all. “you asked me to.” you respond softly, and there are those butterflies in her belly again

“i didn’t mean what i said. i’m sorry i hurt you.” she says, and her usual monotone is laced with vulnerability. your eyes often as you pull her in for a tight hug, “oh wednesday.” you gush as you squeeze her tightly, and she feels a wave of heat wash over her. she immediately feels okay as soon as you embrace her. “do you… forgive me?” the raven haired girl asks carefully, and you pull away, nodding eagerly. “of course! i… i guess a part of me knew you didn’t mean it. i know you’re not good with feelings, and that’s why i try my hardest to understand your reactions to everything i do. but i really hope from now on, you try your hardest to understand my feelings as well.” you explain timidly and she reaches for one of your hands cautiously. you gladly accept and interlock your fingers with hers.

“i promise i’ll do better. i’m barely starting to understand my own feelings for you, and they’re a bit overwhelming.” wednesday reveals, causing you to blush. “well, if you ever need help sorting them out, you know i’m here right?” you ask, and she looks at her for a moment. thing taps on the desk, “invite her in, moron!” and wednesday blinks as the back of her neck gets coated with a crimson blush. “would you like to come in right now and help me sort through them?” the goth asks smoothly, and now it’s your turn to blush. “i would like that.” you respond and she lights up as she steps aside, allowing you entrance into her shared bedroom. a wave of relief hits her, as she realizes you’re back and she doesn’t want to ever lose you again. that’s when wednesday realizes she may be in love with you, and that terrifies her.

though, losing you terrifies her even more… so if making you hers and keeping you by her side forever is what you need, then she’ll be content with doing so.

///////////////////////////////

a/n: this was my first fic on here!! i’ve never seen the netflix series so excuse me if i get anything wrong, i’m just crushing sooo hard on jenna ortega rn 😂

[wuntrum]

do you have any tips for an artist who wants to start making one off comics? i really enjoy your artistic direction and style of story telling so i’m very interested in your thoughts on it

yes, definitely!!

-read lots of comics! and a variety of them, too--both ones in the sort of genre/style you'd like to make, but also ones in completely different genres, lengths, places of origin, traditionally/indie/digitally published, simple to experimental formatting, etc

-in relation to the last one, if a comic you read really speaks to you, take some time to study some page layouts from that comic! how do the panels vary from page to page? how much space is the text taking up? what sort of "shots" (to borrow from cinematic language lol) are they using? these shouldn't be fancy, just little thumbnails, but i find it really helps. here's a few i did from a guest in the house by emily carroll

-start smalllll. its really important to build up your stamina, just like with any new sort of skill. if you wanna make a graphic novel thats 200+ pages long, you should make some comics that are 1, 20, 50 pages long and see them through to the end before taking on a super big project.

-this is related to the last point, but i think keeping your cast of characters small at first can also help build up your comic stamina. signals was the first longer comic i made, so i specifically really wanted to focus on just jeanne (and occasionally her parents and peers when they showed up)

-character sheets are helpful, but i also think the easiest way to start getting your characters drawn consistently is through actually drawing the comic! there's also gonna be panels where they look "off" or whatever, and its literally fine, i promise

-through the smaller comics, experiment with how you go about writing your story! theres no right or wrong way to write/plan out a story so, it takes some trial and error to figure out what will work best with your work flow. for me, i've found success in making a timeline of events for the story -> loosely guessing how many pages i'll need/want per section of the story -> freewriting (trying not to edit too much, just dumping all the words out) -> thumbnailing/loose sketching/editing text (all sort of happens in the same step; i find i need the layouts in front of me to understand what i need/don't need from the text i wrote) -> tight sketching -> final . but, if that flow doesn't work for you, try something else! i know a lot of comics people find success in writing a script first, with indications of page and panel-by-panel breakdowns

-take shortcuts often and without guilt. its a lot of work to make a comic! theres just a lot of drawings involved, that most people aren't gonna look at for very long! i especially recommend for infrequent/difficult things, like buildings or crowds or cars or bookcases, using some sort of 3d asset/brush to make your life easier. if you can reuse a drawing and change the crop/expression, do it!

-use some sort of tracker to track your progress on how many pages you've sketched/inked/finished. even if you don't have an external deadline, i think it's still good to give yourself some sort of timeline to work on (i recommend setting "ideal" goals and "realistic" goals, especially if you're working/still in school/etc). for signals, i used google sheets, because you can set up columns to be attached to little circle charts, so as you check off your progress, you can really easily see how much you've done/how much you have left to do (as i type this i highkey forget how i did that before, with signals, so...you might need to do some sheets experimentation to actually do this lol. but there's probably other trackers you can use too)

-understanding comics and making comics by scott mccloud are both great books, highly recommend them (easy to get second hand/from your library/🏴‍☠️)

-lastly, haveee funnnnn

[antlerqueer]

hii, megan! I hope everything is going well for you. I was wondering if you'd be willing to share how you created the gifs and images overlay effect in this /post/727210103698259968/scott-pilgrim-2010-lgbtqcreators-bingo pretty set? Have a nice day.

I will do my best!

First and foremost shout out to @nelsonnicks Norah whose beautiful gif set here inspired me!

In order to make this as succinct but also thorough as possible, there are some assumptions this tutorial makes:

We are working in photoshop

You know how to make a gif using photoshop

You know how to use the timeline feature to make/edit gifs

Okay let's learn how to make this gif:

(Due to Tumblr's image number limitations, there is a PART TWO linked where I add that "item" and gif, which you can find by clicking this entire sentence.)

STEP ONE: The Image Overlay

Pick your image! Here's the one I've picked, I cropped a page of the graphic novel:

From there, I'm going to click on that magic wand tool:

And select subject (crudely circled for emphasis)

If it's not perfect, you can either use the quick selection tool to refine the selection before or continue on with these steps and use the eraser later. I do both, but it's up to you.

Now I have a lasso around the subject, and I'll click that "Select and Mask" button next to "Select Subject"

Now I can see what my lasso'd image looks like against a white background, and I see that it's pretty good, nothing I can't fix with an eraser if I really want to later.

If the image looks rougher than you were expecting, use the SMOOTH option and play around with that slider.

If it looks a bit more smooth than you wanted (not clear defined lines where you were aiming for clear defined lines) use the CONTRAST option and play with that.

And if you wanted a little more or less around the edges, you can use the SHIFT EDGE tool to grab like 1px-ish of additional space.

Anyway, I like what I've got, so I am gonna CLICK OK

And I'll either cut or copy it onto a new file, and throw away my scraps.

Now it's time to add my character details! I'll use the same format I did for the original set here, and create 3 equal-sized rectangles using this lovely shape tool tool:

So my working file now looks like this:

I move the rectangles closer, I'll want them behind the image of Ramona after but here's just what it looks like while I'm adjusting them.

Then I add the text:

Now, it looks like when I put the bars behind her it'll cut off her name! I don't want that, so I'll adjust the side of the bar for her name and scoot it over....

Nice!

Now I'll adjust those layers to be closer together and behind Ramona...

And this is what my screen looks like now!

It looks how I want it, so now I'm gonna merge all of the layers EXCEPT the background layer. This makes it so the part that's merged has a transparent background.

Highlight the layers, right click, and find the "Merge Layers" option

And now it looks like this:

Step one COMPLETE. Great job. Have you been drinking water? It helps you think clearer. Or something.

STEP TWO: Make the gif you want. Sorry I'm not doing this step-by-step it would be so long I'm sorry!!!

STEP THREE: Put Ramona on the gif!

So I just use the selection tool and make a square around my bestie Ramona here to create this:

And then paste her right on top of my gif here:

Woah! She's ginormous!

Let's resize her by hitting CTRL+T....

This is where we get a little creative. Personally? I think the font is legible, but doesn't look nice now that I've resized it. So I'm going to back to the original file and UNDO my last action (merging the files):

And hit CTRL + T on the Ramona layer (Layer 1 pictured) and adjust her size:

Time to merge these layers again, and redo the process:

MEGAN SHE'S LARGE AGAIN! I know, I'd rather work with big files I have to make smaller than small files I have to make bigger. Sue me.

Resize the layer, make any adjustments to the gif you have under it in terms of placement/size:

And WHEW we got this part done.

STEP FOUR: Add color overlay

I'm gonna make her color overlay blue like her cartoon hair, so I'll eyedrop tool her hair:

Go to Layer:

Add new, and then using a regular brush at like 5000px just click onto that new layer, and...

Bump that layer under your Ramona cut-out,

Go back to the layer drop-down menu, and select Blending options...

And this little menu will pop up:

MAKE SURE YOU HAVE THE PROPER LAYER SELECTED FOR THIS. Otherwise you're going to be very confused.

See where it says "Blend Mode" and it has a drop down under normal? For these purposes, I'm gonna use the drop down and select COLOR:

Now you can see that all-blue layer in the background now is showing the original gif behind it, but you know your original gif? "I know of it." It's all blueee. /ref

This is what it should look like:

Before I go any further, I'm going to check my timeline to make sure this is covering the WHOLE duration of the gif:

It does, so let's drag that bar on the right to line up with the end of the gif:

All fixed!

So now we've got this:

Oh man! See those white spaces between her arms? I'm gonna go back and fix those now, fortunately I can edit it directly on the full file itself, by just editing that layer.

Using my magic wand tool, I'm selecting those white spaces between her arms and her jacket and deleting them-

She's not perfect but you can always be nit-picky and zoom in really close and refine with the eraser.

PART TWO

[jakowskis]

💖💙💜 owen harper bisexuality masterpost 💖💙💜

i've had this in my drafts for a minute but i figured i'd finish it up and post it today for bisexual visibility day :D

it hasn't cropped up recently, but i've seen a lot of people who've questioned owen's bisexuality over the years and i thought i'd compile all the 'evidence' (although it completely baffles me that we got a show with five canonical bisexual characters and people want to write two of them off as straight / "heterflexible" ?? there shouldn't have to be 'proof' of owen being bi, RTD said torchwood is about five bisexuals fighting aliens in cardiff which means they're all bi, full stop. also, bisexuals should never have to 'prove' they're bi, and in regards to fictional characters, i'm sick of people nit-picking who 'deserves' to be counted as rep and refusing to 'claim' certain characters if they're morally grey or if the fandom simply doesn't Like them as much-)

but i digress.

so without further ado, here's everything i've found that supports owen's status as a bicon :-)

explicit canon instances

➤➤ obviously, we have to start with his gay kiss in the first episode of the show. there's a lot to be said about that kiss, i'm not gonna get into all that here, but i've seen a lot of people say it's not proof of owen being attracted to men, and i wholeheartedly disagree. you can literally catch him smiling very happily after the kiss (and one of owen's few genuine smiles of the series, too). i don't think a straight man (or even a "heteroflexible" man) would beam at another guy who's just informed him that he wants to fuck him. a fair amount of people have also said they interpreted owen calling the taxi as him intending to get away from the couple, but i don't understand how they're getting that impression, because that smile makes it seem very much apparent to me that running away is the last thing he wants to do.

it's also, notably, the first time we see bisexuality IN the bisexual show, which i don't think should be discounted. like, we see owen do something gay before jack does, for fuck's sake. is it a good first impression of how torchwood portrays bisexuality? no. is setting owen up as a more sex-driven, opportunistic bisexual nicely contrasted against ianto & tosh's more romance-oriented brand of demisexual bi/pansexuality? in my opinion, yes. i love that the torchwood bisexuals all practice their bisexuality in different ways. that's very special to me. 'cause it's realistic! real bisexuals all experience bisexuality differently! obviously it'd be a different story if he was the only bi rep, because lord knows we've seen enough of that already, but torchwood makes an effort to show us five different brands of bisexuality, and five different bi stories that largely only exist in the subtext, that aren't the focus of the show, and it's fantastic. it's all i could ever want out of bi rep, honestly, even if it is a bit dated now.

➤➤ the other explicit moment in the show: asking tosh and ianto for an end-of-the-world threesome in sleeper (s2ep2). i've actually never seen owen bi-deniers (fhdskjf it's a conspiracy) even mention this scene. owen literally asks ianto if they can have sex with each other to his face, and he's dead serious when he asks it. that's... i mean you can't mistake that as anything else. like fhdsjkf??

➤➤ next we jump to some of the, i suppose, extended universe content. whether the books are canon or not is debated, but the novel 'another life' features owen playing an online simulation game, and it makes a point to depict owen flirting with someone with a male avatar + wondering to himself if the guy would be down for cyber-sex. [someone posted part of that scene here. for context, owen's also got a VR headset on during that bit.]

➤➤ another instance is on the website, which some also don't regard as canon, but, i mean, i don't know who worked on the things we see on that site, but obviously they got their information from somewhere. they probably consulted with the writers on the show, or at the very least got notes on what things to touch on. anyway, there's a portion of the site where you can find a 'background check' on owen, and it's just a collection of messages from some ex-lovers of his. one of them is a man.

again, some people disregard the canon validity of the website, but the way i see it, the information on this site was released while the show was airing for fans to look at and to gain further insight on the characters. one of the things they felt a need to tell us about owen, important enough to be featured in his background (wayyy before the katie plot was developed), was that he wasn't just interested in women. personally, i regard that as canon. you can find this here. and even if you wanna say fragments jossed this background, it doesn't joss his, like... identity.

next we have things said by russell t. davies himself + by burn gorman (owen's actor)

➤➤ again, RTD (who's torchwood's creator, but i'm assuming everyone reading this knows that) explicitly described torchwood as "a bunch of bisexuals living under cardiff and fighting aliens". that's not ambiguous. [i don't have a direct source for this quote, it was apparently said on the dvd extras.]

burn's comments on owen's sexuality include...

➤➤ (when asked who owen fancies) "Owen's pretty cocky, he'll try it on with whoever comes along." [x] and yes, this is vague, but vagueness is often interpreted as proof of bisexuality. (for example, in the pacific rim dvd features, newt's bio stating he was interested in "whoever will take him" was widely interpreted by the fandom as him being bi.)

➤➤ (in regards to owen's "let's all have sex" line) "I don't think he [...] thinks about the implications, or whether it's with a man or a woman." [x]

(ok i have to admit, although i absolutely adore burn, i'm not super fond of the way his 2006-08 self would talk about how torchwood handled sexuality*. however! he kind of hit the nail on the head in saying that, even if it's in the context of owen wanting end-of-the-world sex, because my take on how owen sees his own sexuality has always essentially boiled down to thinking he'd be like, "well, why wouldn't men also be an option?" (well, with sexual attraction anyway; i think owen's relationship with romantic attraction is far more complex.) i think he resembles jack in that way; anyone's a prospective sexual partner, if they're attractive and interesting and he decides he wants them, and he's also impulsive as hell, so he doesn't think too hard about gender in the moment if he decides he's into someone. there's not really any hang-ups.)

➤➤ and ofc...

(out of context this could look like he's just jokingly calling owen an alien-fucker, although owen makes his thoughts on alien-fucking pretty clear in countrycide lol, but it was said in the context of owen/andy as a ship [x].)

*if you're wondering what i'm referring to, it's a comment here [x] about how the torchwood team's bisexuality is a result of being in a pressure cooker environment and having a 'wartime mentality', and they just kind of 'take what they can get'. the implication that bisexuality is out of desperation/accessibility rather than attraction is pretty damn icky, BUT i love him lots and he generally seems to be pretty woke these days (+ otherwise has always seemed to grasp why torchwood's rep was so unique and groundbreaking and important) so i'll go ahead and hope that was just, y'know, simple 'being a straight guy in 2008' ignorance. fifteen years is a long time and i have faith his opinions have evolved by now, esp considering he used the word 'pansexual' at a 2016 con [x]. (actually, ok, you caught me, that last bit wasn't super relevant and i didn't need to bring it up, but i just wanted to gush about him doing it because how often do you hear that word out of celebs, especially older and presumably straight ones. and in 2016, too. kinda slay of him, ngl)

aaand finally, some random, non-explicit little things that i think support him being a bisexy king (several of these are goofy and half-serious)

➤➤ in episode 2, they make a point to cut to owen smiling after jack's line about "you people and your quaint little labels". one might argue he's smiling at gwen & carys on the screen, but cutting to him immediately after jack says it very much implies he's reacting to jack's words, and i think it's particularly poignant after, again, we saw him kiss a man the episode prior. (which, another thing - owen's literal introduction features him kissing a man, like that's gotta count for something. if the literal third thing i ever see a male character do ever is kiss a guy, that means something.)

➤➤ and of course, in the same episode, we get "period military is not the dress code of a straight man" .... owen's the only one of them with working gaydar. also what a fruity thing to say

➤➤ speaking of fruity things to say, in s2e10 when they're all watching the old film, owen goes "look at the state of them 💅" and he says it SO cunty for no reason it always kills me fhsdkjfd

➤➤ combat.

➤➤ no, really.

➤➤ bonus: in the combat commentary, it's mentioned that when RTD saw the above scene between mark & owen, he said it was "the gayest thing he'd ever seen".

➤➤ in the three monkeys, a big finish audio featuring owen & andy, owen flirts with andy repeatedly. even if he just does it to be annoying, it's still pretty damn gay. also the pet names... (he calls him sweetheart, sunshine, and tiger. it's half-mocking, sure, especially because it's owen, but there's also a domesticity to it.)

➤➤ and then there's the hope's "you're alive again and you want crisps?!" "be glad that's all i'm asking for" (owen was like 'i will not use this as an excuse to try to sleep w andy i will not use this as an excuse to try to sleep w andy i will not use th') these are the only two audios i've heard with this duo, i'm sure there's more examples in the other two. i know gooseberry literally has owen sabotaging andy's relationship with his gf and that is... woohoohoo.... i'll update this once i get through those.

➤➤ …. this is my personal opinion but i lowkey think he kinda wants john hart a bit when they all first meet him in kkbb hdskjfds. gwen & tosh both seem very charmed by him and they're meant to, it's supposed to be like 'oh, look at jack's ex waltzing in and charming the pants off everyone (ha), and only ianto and jack see through him' - owen isn't given a flirty line of dialogue or even a close-up shot of him eyeing john like the girls get, but if you watch him closely he certainly looks… intrigued by him. i think owen's more of a bi disaster than he lets on.

➤➤ in episode 10, diane notes that owen has "beauty products" in his bathroom. obviously this shouldn't be indicative of sexuality, but how many Straight Men in 2006 were moisturizing lmao. hell, how many do nowadays 😭

➤➤ gwen & owen's dynamic settles into a lovely little friendship in s2 and owen lowkey gives gbf vibes <3 them making fun of the movie in s2e10 together + the cheek-kissing at the end of s2e9… bi besties!!

➤➤ the peace sign he throws up in meat when he meets rhys fdsjk i don't even believe in some of the silly internet jokes abt bi culture but c'mon

➤➤ have you seen his taste in women. diane is soo butch and gwen's a total tomboy in s1. that's bi culture babey!!!! i too like girls when they're boys

➤➤ i already talked about it but the aforementioned scene where he asks tosh and ianto for a threesome... he asks them, like, immediately after they team up and bully him for not comprehending that there's "no phones. phones all broken. anyone there? no, 'cause the phones aren't working." that was suuuch a disaster bi owen moment for me. i too would get a little revved up if tosh and ianto both bullied me at once <3

aaand finally... the biggest Evidence of all....

➤➤ he's a leather jacket bisexual. need i say more

and that's all! thanks for reading!

[credit for the dividers used in this. didn't tumblr used to have built-in dividers? i miss that.]

[brainddeadd]

Braindead Reviews

The Walking Dead: Season 4

Overall thoughts:

Daryl brain rot.

Fuck the Governor.

What kind of ending is that!!!

S4, ep 1

They’ve made the prison look good man 

Oh damn it’s a full community 

That’s so cool 

They’ve got a mini farm and vegetable crops holy shit 

Carl naming a pig even though they’re gonna have to kill it for food 

Everyone greeting Daryl and him not knowing what the fuck to do with that 

“Just so you know, I liked you first.” Carol I love you 

HES SO AWKWARD I LOVE HIM 

THE AGGRESSIVE FINGER LICKING DARYL PLEASE 

The longer hair is lookin good damn 

How’d they make my man finer 

“Sorry, Pookie” CAROL MY BELOVED 

He is now my Pookie 

Always and forever Pookie 

TYRESE AND MAMA STILINSKI ?!?!?!?

BETH AND RANDO ?!?!?!?

“It’s a damn romance novel.” Its ok Pookie, you’re just lonely 

Michonne on a horse.. is there anything this lady can’t do ??

Michonne bringing back comics for Carl - mother 

“Your face is losing the war.” YES PLEASE SHAVE IT BACK A BIT 

She’s looking for the Governor and I get it but please stay safe my love

“Dad, that’s for kids.” You are the kids Carl. 

Holy shit she’s a person 

Not the kids naming the walkers 

HOMICIDE COP 🤣🤣🤣

DARYL FUCKING WITH HIM 🤣🤣🤣🤣

Oh holy crap - the helicopter crash and shit on the roof 

Michonne killing the cardboard cutout of the zombie in the shop 

Ex-army medic guy is kinda weird 

Jesus christ dude that’s one way to get the walkers attention 

Oh shit not the roof caving in 

Idk how I feel about the chick in the woods 

Oh YUCK the scalp being left on the floor as the walker gets up 

Beths rando getting killed shit 

Carol teaching the kids how to defend themselves during Story Time 

Maggie thought she was pregnant ?!?!?!?

Daryl telling Beth - how was he the best person for that job 

“Just tired of losing people is all.” Pookie 

DOES HE NOT KNOW HOW TO HUG 

Oh god there’s a sickness in the prison 

DON’T USE THE COMMUNAL WATER DICKHEAD YOU’LL GET EVERYONE SICK 

OH SHIT 

HE’S DEAD 

S4, ep 2

WHOS LURING THE WALKERS TO THE PRISON 

Tyrese please don’t sing 

Please don’t let Mama Stilinski die 

Glenn taking a polaroid of Maggie and refusing to throw it away my loves I adore them 

Michonne is that boys mother, you can’t tell me otherwise 

“It ain’t a breech.” No it’s not pookie 

Jesus that’s so many dead 

Carol having to kill that man and his eldest daughter deciding to do it 

Daryl knowing that one of the dead locked himself in cause he used to sleep walk 

“Gotta be.” Pookie you can say you’re not ok

The mans 2 daughters are fucken weird 

Michonne not wanting to hold Judith - hmm, I have thoughts 

MICHONNE CRYING 

IDSVUDSJKVNDS

NO THE POOR PIGS FUCK

WHYD THAT MAKE ME CRY 

THEIR PANICKED SQUEALING 

NO 

PLEASE NO

THEY BURNT MAMA STILINSKI AND THE OTHER DUDE ?!?!?!?!

S4, ep 3

Daryl stopping Rick and Carol from stepping in with Tyrese 

Rick and Tyrese fighting 

Sasha getting sick fuck 

“He’s already given me fleas.” 🤣🤣🤣🤣

Tyrese dude, she’s dead and its an apocalypse, keep others alive before you hunt down whoever burnt her 

GOD 

NO 

NOT GLENN 

PLEASE NO 

Daryl working on the car.. fuck 

“Put a bolt in them for what they did.” Please do pookie

Why am I suspicious of the child ???

Carl’s growing up 

“What’s that word?” “Zananavere” “Yeah, we need you.” So real for that - yes, I spelt it wrong

A voice on the radio 

THATS A LOT OF WALKERS HOLY SHIT 

“Make a run for the woods and don’t stop for nothing.” Daryl baby, if they don’t stop for you, ill kill them 

Why is tyrese just sitting there? Run boy 

Not him sacrificing himself for the others 

HE’S ALIVE

Wait

CAROL burnt them 

Holy shit

S4, ep 4

Daryl taking something back for the people at the prison - for a grave

Michonne’s smile 

Of course Daryl can Hotwire a car 

The 2 in the house are a bit.. idk 

More mechanic Daryl my beloved 

Daryl is so comforting in such a brutal way 

“It was easier than telling an ER nurse I fell down the stairs for the third time.” I know he’s dead, but imma kill him 

The chick from the house is dead 

“You should have kept walking that day.” Fuck ok 

Feral Daryl getting up in his face - Jesus 

Daryl’s growling 

“You take one sip before those meds get into our people, I will beat your ass into the ground.” I don’t think that should have been that attractive to me 

Rick dude, they were gonna die. Y’all didn’t even have a plan to go get the meds when she killed them.

Rick you can’t kick Carol out the fuck is wrong with you 

If she goes, Daryl goes man 

RICK

DON’T YOU DARE 

I hate you Rick Grimes 

S4, ep 5

I hate you Rick Grimes 

The kid treating the walker like a dog 

OH SHIT THE FENCE IS DOWN 

Its all gone to shit 

Not Daryl and the others arriving back after it’s all been done 

Oh god they have to tell Daryl 

His instant concern 

NOT THE FUCKEN GOVERNOR 

FUCK OFF

JUST DIE ALREADY 

S4, ep 6

Oh please don’t let this be an episode about the fucken governor yuck 

Oh these poor people that have found him 

Yeah I skipped his episode soz fuck that guy 

S4, ep 7

Its still him fuck 

Skipped 

Not him coming across Michonne and Hershel at the end 

S4, ep 8

HE TOOK MICHONNE AND HERSHEL

Daryl’s growl while talking about Carol being gone 

Who’s leaving the fucken rats around 

Governor fuck off now 

Go die 

Jesus Christ 

Daryl don’t let Carl do anything stupid 

The governor is fucking insane 

Hershel looks so proud of Rick 

NO 

NO 

NO 

NO 

ABSOLUTELY NOT 

NO 

WHAT THE FUCK 

NO

HERSHAL PLEASE 

YES THE GOVERNOR WAS HIT 

DARYLS GROWL BEFORE HE STARTS SHOOTING 

MICHONNE RUN

LIVE 

PLEASE 

YOU GOTTA LIVE 

Oh god not Rick getting shot 

NO 

DON’T HURT HERSHAL MORE 

FUCK

OH OH OH YES

THE NEW CHICK SEEING HIM BE SO FUCKING VILE WHILE HOLDING HER DEAD DAUGHTER YES 

Daryl my beloved with the grenade 

Beth where the fuck are you 

The little kids killing someone 

The Governor getting the best of Rick 

MICHONNE GETTING THE GOVERNOR 

YES

HELL YEAH

THATS MY GIRL 

Daryl throwing a grenade in the tank 

Well.. the prison’s gone 

S4, ep 9

Michonne getting her walkers on a leash again 

Rick being a dick ngl

They’re both being dicks

FLASH BACK TO MICHONNE’S LIFE 

SHE HAD A PARTNER 

AND A CHILD 

Carl stop talking to your dad while he’s unconscious 

“I’d be fine if you died.” CARL NO

Him running into the door and not being able to open it 🤣🤣🤣🤣

The walker in the house 

‘Walker in side. Got my shoe. Didn’t get me.’ 

Fuck Michonne 

Carl thinking he’s going to have to kill his dad is fucking heartbreaking 

“112 ounces of pudding.” That- Carl- ok

Michonne crying because she’s so happy to find them 

WHAT DID RICK SEE TO MAKE HIM LAUGH

S4, ep 10

DARYLLLL

Conveying he’s sorry for the Hershal comment with his expression rather than words is such a Daryl thing to do 

Arms 

He’s so gentle but in a like.. brutal way 

Throwing the crossbow on the ground so he can save Beth 

Oh Tyrese has Judith, thank god 

I don’t trust those 2 little girls 

Who’s screaming????

AYO GET OUR HAND OFF THE BABIES MOUTH 

The eldest kid is a fucking psychopath 

CAROLLLLLL

Terminus … do we trust it ??

Glenn boy you better be ok 

HE’S IN THE OVERRUN PRISON HOLY SHIT 

“She’s my wife.” Hell yeah she is buddy 

WHO ARE THESE GUYS THE FUCK

“What else you got?” Ew 

S4, ep 11

Carl and Michonne acting like besties 

Not Carl ignoring her attempt to make him feel better 

Her telling Carl about her son 

What is going on in the house Rick’s hiding in ???

THE RICK GRIMES HEAD TURN 

Abraham, Rosita, Eugene 

How can he possibly know what caused this ???

How can someone in a fucking zombie apocalypse be that useless with a gun ?!?!?!

Oh yuck - those guys are disgusting - Rick, kill them 

Actually, Michonne, kill them 

Rosita going with Glenn and the other chick - the others following 

Terminus again 

S4, ep 12

DARYL YES

Not him and Beth hiding in the trunk of a car 

The snake 🤢🤢🤢🤢

Beth you’re like 17, you’re not having alcohol 

Daryl has forgotten how to talk I see 

WHY YOU FLIPPING HIM OFF 

HES KEEPING YOU ALIVE 

DUMBASS 

Why is she so fixated on alcohol like girly leave it alone - if you gotta run for your life, alcohol is gonna make that so much harder 

Daryl keeping the money and the jewels 

‘Rich bitch’ on a dead woman who’s been posed on a mannequin - Beth being bothered by it and Daryl probably knowing people who would have done that 

Daryl beating the crap out of the walker, even though he could have just killed him quickly - thats the first time he’s shown any outward sign of his rage at losing the prison and the others 

“Peach schnapps. Is it good?” “No.” Correct 

Daryl throwing darts at the pictures of the people on the wall instead of the dart board - the anger continues 

“Ain’t gonna have your first drink be no damned peach schnapps.” 🤣🤣

MOONSHINE 

DARYL SHES LIKE 12 

“That’s a real first drink right there.” DARYL 

Jesus Christ that’s how Daryl lived 

“Mr. Dixon” eugh 

WHY IS SHE DOING A DRINKING GAME WITH HIM

GIRLY IK HES HOT BUT YOURE A CHILD 

“I ain’t never needed a game to get lit before.” Pookie please 

Things we learn about Daryl in this game

He’s never been out of Georgia 

Been drunk and done things he’s regretted - a lot of them 

Never been on vacation - camping was for hunting and survival 

Him being offended when she does the “never been in jail” line - “is that what you think of me?”

“CAN’T HEAR YOU! I’M TAKING A PISS!!” DARYL PLEASE 

Things we might have learnt but it could be fake cause he’s pissed

never had frozen yoghurt (now that’s just cruel) 

had a pet pony

got anything from Santa

relied on anyone for protection 

relied on anyone for anything (you were abused pookie)

never sung in front of people in public like it was fun (ok that one’s fair)

cut his wrists looking for attention (low blow)

Aggressively trying to teach her how to shoot the crossbow - wonder how much Norman apologised for the physicality later 

“I want you to stop acting like you don’t give a crap about anything. Like nothing we went through matters. Like none of the people we lost meant anything to you. It’s bullshit.” “Is that what you think?” “That’s what I know.”

“I ain’t afraid of nothing.” 

Oh god his voice cracks 

A HUG 

FOR DARYL 

FINALLY 

BRO NEEDS IT 

NO NO NO NO DONT YOU DARE CRY DARYL DIXON MY POOR HEART WONT TAKE IT 

“Yeah, I’m a dick when I’m drunk.” Pookie, you’re a dick like 97% of the time

“I thought I was dead. Over a dumb cartoon about a talking dog.” Daryl, sweetie, I’m so glad your brother is dead.

“I was nobody. Nothing. Some redneck asshole and an even bigger asshole for a brother.” 

“I’m just used to this. Things being ugly.”

“You’re gonna be the last man standing.” I see that 

“You’re gonna miss me so bad when I’m gone, Daryl Dixon.” Fucken foreshadowing at this point 

I can not for the life of me tell if she’s flirting with him or not 

ARE THEY ACTUALLY GONNA BURN THE HOUSE DOWN 

Crazy assholes actually did it 

S4, ep 13

Who is this?

Is this the ‘backstory’ of the dude who wanted the alcohol?????

It is alcohol man!!

Ok so with Maggie and Sasha 

Teaching Beth how to track and use the crossbow 

Dad!Daryl to the rescue when Beth gets hurt 

“This is a serious piggyback. Jump up.” Daryl marry me

Holding hands for comfort: cute. But if its anything else.. GIRLY HIS BEARD IS GOING GREY ADN YOU ARE A CHILD 

Sasha trying to get them safe and Maggie lost in her grief 

Daryl yuck don’t do that (do that to me tho) - the jar in the house by the cemetery 

Why’s she playing the piano - they’re meant to be quiet 

“This is the comfiest bed I’ve had in years.” IT’S A COFFIN DARYL 

I am Concerned Daryl Dixon 

How is a coffin the comfiest bed ?!?!?!? SIR??

I am trying really really hard to keep it that she is a child and he’s old enough to be her dad - PLEASE DONT BE A CREEP DIXON SHE’S 17 

I did some googling cause it was bothering me - they met when Beth was 16, she’s currently 17 and she dies when she’s 18. If ANYTHING happens between them, I’m turning off. (I knew she died it’s not a spoiler).

Maggie ditching the others to look for Glenn - writing messages in blood 

Daryl is at peak dad energy this episode 

A DOG 

CUTE 

Beth stop pushing the emotionally constipated man for his feelings 

NOT JUST A DOG

PLEASE LET THE DOG BE OK

Making sure she gets out the house safely 

WAS BETH JUST KIDNAPPED ?!?!?!?!

God he was running all night 

ALCOHOIC AND SASHA KISSING 

Maggie waiting for Sasha and Bob in the town 

Who the fuck has found Daryl?

IT’S THE CREEPS FROM THE HOUSE RICK WAS IN 

Glenn found the Terminus sign, thank god 

S4, ep 14

Is someone playing.. with a walker 

This eldest girl is fucken weird 

WHY THE FUCK IS SHE WAVING AT THE WALKERS 

The younger girl is also fucken weird 

Jesus Christ what the fuck is she doing 

She’s feeding the fucken walker 

THE OLDER ONE KILLED THE YOUNGER ONE 

THE FUCK

She was feeding the walkers at the prison 

Fucken hell 

Carol having to kill the girl she was supposed to protect is foul and cruel 

Telling Tyrese that she burnt the others, giving him a gun - holy shit 

“I forgive you.” Oh 

S4, ep 15

Abraham is really good at reading people 

Glenn taking off when he finds the sign from Maggie 

Daryl bby leave those creeps 

Carl and Michonne having fun together 

Oh you did not just invade on Daryl’s kill AND call Daryl Dixon “boy”. You gone die 

OH HES TALKING ABOUT BETH 

YOU GONE DIE 

Did this fucker just insinuate that ?!?!?! 

Daryl kill him 

He looks like a lil kid having his candy taken from him 

Don’t stop at noon - wasting time 

“Some of you ain’t exactly friendly.” Have you met you?

Did he just compare Daryl to a cat ???

Eugene is creepy 

And annoying 

Rosita queen 

What did they see? 

Dickhead needs to back up from Pookie 

Telling Glenn to go yes, but he won’t

MAGGIE AND GLENN YES

Glenn not telling Maggie that Tara was with the Governor is certainly a choice 

I get the feeling that Eugene isn’t saying something 

He’s leaving something out 

Or he’s lying 

They killed dickhead holy shit 

THEY’RE HUNTING RICK 

CAUSE HE KILLED THEIR MAN TO ESCAPE

Glenn and Maggie arriving at Terminus - why do I have a bad feeling about this?

Mary 

S4, ep 16

WHY IS RICK COVERED IN BLOOD THE FUCK 

CARL ?!?!

MICHONNE ?!?!?!

OH GOD DID THOSE DICKHEADS FIND THEM ?!!?

Those dickheads have in fact found Rick

“These people, you’re gonna let them go. These are good people.” Yes pookie save them 

“You want blood. I get it. Take it from me, man.” UH NO 

OR WE COULD NOT 

DON’T

STOP 

NO 

FUCKEN HELL 

LEAVE HIM ALONE 

The Rick Grimes Head Tilt 

Carl’s crying really reminds you that he’s still a child 

AYO

IS THAT DUDE GONNA RAPE CARL 

HOLY SHIT RICK

HE JUST RIPPED THAT DUDES NECK OUT WITH HIS TEETH 

HOLY SHIT 

“He’s mine.” Oh fuck

Dripping in blood, having just ripped someones neck out, and pissed off cause you dared to touch his son.. you’re dead dead dead 

He just gutted that man like a pig 

Holy fuck 

Michonne cradling Carl - thank you 

Carl lying on Michonnes lap like she’s his mum - imma cry 

Daryl looking out for Carl, making Rick clean the blood off 

Daryl Dixon don’t you dare blame yourself for those dickheads - you were trying to survive 

“You’re my brother.”

“What you did last night, anybody would have done that.” If someone tried to rape my kid, hell yeah I would 

Michonne and Rick have this way of understanding each other and it’s beautiful 

They’ve made it to Terminus 

Her walkers on the leash were her boyfriend and their friend - they were high in the damn apocalypse 

Carl bby you’re not a monster. You’re the product of your horrific circumstances and the shit you’ve had to do to survive. 

Gareth and Alex 

Don’t take their weapons pls 

“Hate to see the other guy.” “You would.”

“They deserve it?” “Yes.” Carl bby, yes they did 

Rick seeing belongings from other members of their group - putting a gun to Alex, Daryl jumping in with 0 hesitation 

Even in a zombie apocalypse I cannot escape lego 

JUST TELL RICK WHERE YOU GOT THE WATCH BRO 

YO

WHAT 

THE 

FUCK 

WHO 

IS 

IN

THE 

CRATES 

Why does the letter ‘A’ keep showing up ???

GLENN 

MAGGIE

“Now they’re friends of ours.” Yes they are pookie 

“They’re gonna feel pretty stupid when they find out.” … “They’re fucking with the wrong people.” 

What a way to end the season fuck 

[ae-neon]

Reading Throne of Glass (1-3)

TW: mentions of slavery and suicide

Disclaimer;

I'm gonna be nitpicky but it won't reflect my overall enjoyment. Besides the racist Nehemia plotline (which I don't like at all) I don't mind the general vibe or story of ToG. Also because it's so popular I have been spoiled for the overall big points of the story like endgame ships and character death but I don't know anything about the world, the magic, the character personalities, histories etc

Chapter 1

I instantly prefer the 3rd person POV.

SJM loves using slavery - and like, the worst type of slavery - as trauma porn.

Notorious Assassin - are you not then just bad at your job? Why does everyone know it was you?

SJM knows how to write her protagonists being observant, it's maybe her best trait.

WAIT. WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING??

If they're escorting her and trying to confuse her or even just to treat her like a prisoner - why isn't she blindfolded?? Why not put a bag over her head?? Like SHE CAN SEE WHERE SHE'S GOING?????

Okay I know Chaol is gonna be important and a love interest at some point so he has to have a serious position despite probably being 17/18 - but CAPTAIN of the royal guard?? The whole royal guard?? Be fr. Just have him be the Prince's right hand or personal knight or something.

The Captain of the Royal Guard would be an interesting opponent. Maybe even worthy of some effort on her part.

She was scared of him 5 sentences ago:

...Chaol Westfall, Captain of the Royal Guard, and suddenly, the sky loomed, the mountains pushed from behind, and even the earth swelled toward her knees. She hadn’t tasted fear in a while—hadn’t let herself taste fear.

"How lovely it was to hear a voice like her own—cool and articulate—even if he was a nasty brute!" Sorry the slaves weren't well spoken and there aren't any political prisoners to keep intellectual company with

The only thing all the intended disorientation had accomplished was to familiarize her with the building. Idiots.

Yea, I agree, they are idiots - they should have blindfolded you

Why is this big manor?hall?thing? by the slave mines? Like so close it's literally next door to where they sleep

The world building is pretty good so far

"...the opulence felt like a slap to the face." sjm don't lie

Chapter 2

close-cropped chestnut hair >>>> team Chaol already

I might consider Celaena an icon for not bowing to the Prince, if I didn't know she ends the series as queen. What a waste.

I'll probably like Dorian but his words mean nothing. If he had a problem with people being forced to bow, he would have said something earlier.

Duke Perrington came from Rifthold to see the treasurer?? The treasurer doesn't live at court? Or at least in the capital?

(Gold crown+)...black doublet, an emblazoned gold rendering of the royal wyvern occupied the entirety of the chest. His red cloak fell gracefully around him and his throne.

Dorian's first outfit eating up all of Rhysand's 3 black on black outfits.

Black hair blue eyes, he was definitely the first endgame love interest. A YA classic.

Princes are not supposed to be handsome! They’re sniveling, stupid, repulsive creatures! This one . . . this . . . How unfair of him to be royal and beautiful.

This. And some other sentences (that also end with exclamations) come off as weirdly childish in their tone and don't fit with the rest of the writing. Eg

What a miserable state for a girl of former beauty!

Like stop. The vibe is she thinks she's gonna die and she's being humiliated by her enslavers. This is off

I won't rag on SJM's writing too much because she was young and it's her first novel but this:

At a passing glance, one might think her eyes blue or gray, perhaps even green, depending on the color of her clothing. Up close, though, these warring hues were offset by the brilliant ring of gold around her pupils. But it was her golden hair that caught the attention of most, hair that still maintained a glimmer of its glory. In short, Celaena Sardothien was blessed with a handful of attractive features that compensated for the majority of average ones; and, by early adolescence, she’d discovered that with the help of cosmetics, these average features could easily match the extraordinary assets.

"But now, standing before Dorian Havilliard as little more than a gutter rat!" Girl, stfu

Acotar ellipses >>> ToG exclamations

I like Dorian and I like the story of Celaena's escape attempt. BUT. It would have been better if Dorian and Chaol had heard the story and used it as their reason to recruit her - a hectic story that proved Celaena was not only all that her reputation said but also that the mines hadn't broke her.

Then later, when they have more of a connection, have Celaena reveal it was essentially a suicide attempt.

Secret business? The Crown Prince, the Captain of the Guard, a Duke and like a dozen + royal guards isn't exactly low profile. In fact, it's the highest fucking profile, Sarah

Chapter 3

Dorian 🤝 Cassian; ogling starved women's bodies.

"My father has gotten it into his head that he needs a Champion." Even Celaena knows the Champion is supposed to be a knight or a lord or a holy warrior or something, not an assassin and definitely not an enemy of the crown. If you need an assassin just hire her as one

No one gets hired in an sjm book without being offered a "considerable salary" I think she doesn't understand much about money irl

She barely heard his last few words. A competition! Against some nobody men from the-gods-knew-where! And assassins! “What other assassins?” she demanded.

“None that I’ve heard of. None as famous as you...

The exclamations... Also those assassins are better by simple virtue of not being famous

They're acting like she's weakened but honestly shouldn't she be absolutely shredded? Shouldn't her arm strength be crazy from a year in a mine?

...but could only recall a solitary line from the mournful bellowing of the Eyllwe work songs, deep and slow like honey poured from a jar: “And go home at last . . .”

SJM is actually so vile because I know this isn't gonna really matter in a way that centres these enslaved people.

-

Overall not bad. I like these 3 characters and I much prefer 3rd person POV.

Celaena is a little erratic in her moods and thoughts but whatever.

Some nice hints of worldbuilding but also standard "sjm doesn't really understand the concept she's included"

[ellowynthenotking]

Undeath on the High Seas

Chapter 1

They ended their time in Southeast Alaska’s Inside Passage with patches of clouds intermittently covering the sun. Fate had been smiling on them for the last couple of days. The forecast had predicted a cold rain, but all the sleepy little towns were graced with clear skies instead of the usual “liquid sunshine.”

As the ship slowly made its way out of the inside passage, a gentle breeze ruffled Penelope’s hair, bringing the crisp, soothing scent of the ocean. The sun is perfectly positioned, warming her legs without blinding her, and the clear blue sky and untamed green forests are reflected on a deep, dark sea. The distant roar of the ship covers all other sounds, and Penelope is just getting into the first book in her bag when Teagan and Courtney stop by.

Courtney slams the sliding glass balcony door open, something Penelope hadn’t thought possible, and yells, “Found her!” 

Penelope jumps hard enough at the interruption that she nearly throws her book. Maybe she should have saved the horror novel for later. 

Or at least for when her friends weren’t scaring the bejesus out of her.  

Teagan pops her head out after Courtney. For once, her chestnut hair is loose from its usual severe, slicked-back bun. As usual, she’s distracted by her ancient phone, probably texting her boyfriend as she says, “Hey! Should have figured you’d be hiding away.”

“Well,” Penelope begins, tucking her feet under her chair. She doesn’t really have an excuse—she was hiding. “I just wanted to avoid the crowds.” 

“Courtney wants to explore the ship, maybe take some aesthetic pics. Wanna join?” Teagan asks before Courtney can.

Penelope gets more comfortable and smiles, “No thanks, I finally got comfortable.”

“But it’s gonna be fun!” Courtney whines, giving Penelope puppy dog eyes. Unfortunately for her, it's much less effective now than in elementary school, when she’d had the big doe eyes and dark curly pigtails to match. “We can even see the boring parts of the ship you’ll like!”  

“I find reading just a liiiittle more comfortable than posing for you forever.” Penelope's already done three shoots for Courtney and wasn’t feeling up to more.

Courtney pouts, crossing her arms over her stark white crop top. She looks like she’s going to argue more, but Teagan cuts her off. 

“Okay, we’ll see you at dinner then.” Teagan looks up from her phone long enough to smile and wave, braces unable to diminish her pearly whites. As they leave, she shouts, “Enjoy your book!” 

Penelope half-salutes, watching through the balcony door as they grab another bag—likely full of props and clothes—and head off. Penelope knows they’ll probably take way too many pictures that Courtney will edit and then pass out to the rest.

Presumably, to post on their own socials. 

Even if she were into that lifestyle, Penelope will wait to post anything. She’s heard one too many stories of people coming home to find that they'd been robbed. Even though she has roommates—and she’s probably more at risk of them stealing her stuff—she’d prefer to avoid that. 

Penelope settles in again and relaxes into her book, letting her dark hair loose around her shoulders to help keep the cool breeze at bay.

She’s glad they’re all still friends, but a vacation is supposed to be relaxing. 

Even if they did go to see stuff like the engines or the ship’s bridge, she’d be the only one enjoying it. Though, they would get some cool pictures if they were allowed to take them. 

...---... ...---... ...---...  

After a while, Penelope notices the slight catch in her throat and thinks about getting a drink, only to be startled again by the door to the room slamming open.

“You’re never gonna believe it!” Melissa shouts as she crashes into the room, shattering Penelope’s peace again. 

Penelope hopes Melissa will get the message by burying her face in her book. However, she continues to chatter, obviously missing the fact that Penelope isn’t paying attention. Resigning herself to her fate, Penelope chooses to actually pay attention to her friend. 

Melissa’s tousled blonde hair bounces as she flits around the room, gushing the guy she met. “-He’s so sweet and such a good listener! And I was telling him about how I’m looking for a job-”

Penelope listens to her besotted friend as Melissa puts on clean clothes and chatters away. She's wearing the same sundress she wore last night when she went to “watch a movie.” Other than her hair being a bit of a mess, she looks happy. 

Glowing, really. 

Maybe Teagan’s wedding isn’t the only one we’ll be going to soon, Penelope thinks to herself, nodding as Melissa keeps talking.

“-He says that there’s a school district near him looking for art teachers, and you know I minored in that, but I was thinking it might be a good idea to apply there anyway-” 

She seriously doubted it would actually happen. Though it is fun to see how Melissa acts, bouncing and moving through the cabin with vitality, whenever she meets someone new, she always plans their whole lives together immediately. She would make a decent life coach if her dreams didn’t bounce around as much as she was now. But she was happy and could be as “in love” as she wanted as long as she could hold down a job. 

“-And if I do get a job there, maybe having a friend there can help me get settled. I mean, he’s gotta know all the best places to hang out and-”

Penelope smiles and nods as her friend talks. Even though the interruptions are irritating, the rest of the cation will be perfect for reading. Besides, this will be the last time she sees her friends for a long, long while. She'd only come on this trip because of the lull between her summer job ending and her big new fancy job starting.

“-He’s just so nice, and he constantly talks up his friends. Can you just imagine him doing the same about me? I mean, not that I expect him to, but he’s so outgoing and just-”

She tries to enjoy it while she can. Usually, Melissa gets too into whatever she’s working on to remember to tell the others about her current boy toys, often leaving them confused when she shares news without updates in between.

And while Brody is apparently the best man ever, Penelope is sure he’s just another in a long line of them. However, he probably will hold a special place in Melissa’s heart just by virtue of being her first love at sea. 

“-I’m probably just getting ahead of myself again.” Melissa stops, looking over at Penelope. 

Penelope freezes, her muscles tensing. Should she say something? What? She hadn’t been listening, and that didn’t sound like a question. 

She tries to cover up her panic, but Melissa shrugs before she can say anything.

“Eh, at worst, I have a job, right? So Brody lives in-”  

Crisis averted. 

Penelope allows herself to go back to thinking. She’s really enjoying Alaska. A beautiful cruise ship with stunning sights, friendly people, and lots of sun. Not to mention tons of time with her friends. Kodiak was gorgeous, just like all of Southeast Alaska. There were undoubtedly upsides to living in this part of the world, friendly people aside. Maybe she can get a job traveling in this part of the world. There is always a need for tech people, and stuff on the cruises probably needs fixing. 

Who would I need to talk to about that? She wonders. 

“-But he probably knows about some places that might be cheap or easy to rent, right? Not that I need him to help me find a place. I can do it on my own, but it’d be nice to have someone to help with all the bills. I wouldn’t ask Brody to-”

Although Information and Technology wasn’t Penelope’s first choice, it was a good path, and she'd make decent money. The biggest downside she’s noticed is that everyone goes to her when they have computer issues.

Her mom disapproved, but her mom had met her dad before leaving college and thought a Mrs degree was the most important one a woman could have. It doesn’t mean that Penelope wants to do the same. 

She just needs her mom to stop setting up blind dates for her without any warning. Well, the one with Frakenlin hadn’t been the worst blind date, except that she was a woman, and that really wasn’t what Franklin was looking for in a partner. 

She should call him when she gets home; if nothing else, he was fun to talk to.

“Do you think I should invite Brody to dinner?” Melissa asks her, and Penelope thinks for a moment. 

She taps her lip as she thinks. It’s not something she’s crazy about, but she’s pretty sure they’re not allowed to have guests. She isn’t going to tell Melissa that, though.

“I thought we were going to spend some time together. You know, like we’d planned?” Penelope does her best to avoid wincing. She can admit it came out a little… well, a lot worse than she’d planned. “You’re spending so much time with this guy. Let’s have a girl dinner, and you can introduce us later.” 

“You know what? You’re so right. And I am all over that.” Melissa says, coming over and giving Penelope a quick squeeze, briefly enveloping her in a cloud of sweet perfume before returning inside.

Penelope sighs with relief, then notices Melissa packing an extra change of clothes. “Or are you just planning to not see us until tomorrow if we won’t have dinner with him?” 

Melissa blushes, a pretty thing influencers wish they could replicate. “I need them for dinner, obviously! I’m not just going to dip on you guys.” 

Penelope is pretty sure they both damn well know that the clothes are for her next overnight stay with Brody. She smiles at her anyway. “Go have fun, just message one of us if you’re not coming so we know not to wait around.”

Melissa beams and calls, “Okay-love-you-bye!”  

Even though she’s mostly out the door, Penelope calls back, “I do want to meet that boy of yours! Eventually!”

If you're interested in this so far, preorder now on Amazon!

Penelope Rose thought a cruise through Southeast Alaska would be a relaxing way to celebrate getting her degree with her friends.

She couldn't have been more wrong.

After a week of sun, fun, and visiting all the little attractions that every town had to offer, all that was left was a week at sea.

Then came to request to stay in their rooms. Hours turn to days, and the food deliveries stop. Penelope and her friends have to leave the safety of their room, only to find most of the ship's passengers dead, or infected with a disease so terrible that Penelope can't even think the name.

Or consider following me on Patreon:

[ferociouslycreativemystery]

Scherzo liveblog and analysis (from my notes app @ about ten past ten pm last night) (Spoilers!):

Okay, starting off with a fairytale with fascism vibes, nice. Bodes well, love the themes that tend to crop up with fascism (repression, truth, creativity, the ungovernableness of life). Kallocain vibes (<- says the person who thinks everything good in life is about her favourite novel).

What are we doing in the tardis? They're on speaking terms again? Did I miss something? Oh, he's unwell?!! YESSS (edit: as in: mentally and emotionally unsound. This guy is NOT coping with Zagreus.)

Loving the existentialism. Angst is my lifeblood.

Oh this episode knows how to make use of the audio medium. Brilliant! You couldn't tell this story on screen, or in writing.

Don't fight? 😢 Doc you're an ass

OOO WEEE OOOOO

Okay, story time again. So the doc and his desire for solitude is the king, is that it? He thinks he longs for a world without conflict, because he cannot stand the conflict in his heart(s), but what he'll find is that conflict is what life is—as foreshadowed by Charley walking away before he called her back. Charley is his music, that keeps the world from being fully known, predicted and without interest? The distance that allows for desire and pining and chasing, the hunt that is core to romance and passion (see: Contrapoints video on Twilight). Okay, I need to tone down the academic brain and just enjoy this, but I've spent all day writing about cultural theories for uni. Can't wait to see doc no doubt be put through the seven rings of hell before realising what he actually wants, cause solitude ain't it chief. 21:28 in, more than 2/3 left to go. Carry on.

ooo wee ooo? Haven't we done this already?

LITERALLY THE NEXT THING HE DOES IS TELL HER TO STOP HUMMING. BIT HEAVY HANDED NO?? (I'm not complaining 😁)

Going to bed and listening through my headphones in the dark was the right decision, really suits the whole vibe of the story.

"When do I ever sulk" skdjhfashaö *cough*stranded*cough*

Those echoes are genuinely unsettling, especially that loud glitch. Why did I turn out the lights? Horror is exciting though, I don't often feel scared by media, it's nice it to know it can still get me. I was right about the story knowing how to use the audio medium. (The audio is paused and I can literally hear my own heartbeat, though that might just be because I had too much sugar before. Probably both.)

Oh my god? Doc you're completely useless. Stop it with this structuralist analysis, I think we need to get a bit more phenomenological or possibly interactionistic about this, focus on the instance and not the structure? She's right there in front of you speaking plain English you blithering space mole. I realise me using this language isn't giving me much of a leg to stand on criticising him for being overly analytical, but in my defence I think I'm more on the money than he is likely to get within the next half hour (current timestamp: 32.55).

Oh that promise is coming back to bite you in the arse doctor you mark my words.

Fuck you doc don't call me out like this I don't need to think of my heartbeat any more than I already do.

🎶Broder Jakob, broder Jakob, sover du? Sover du? Hör du inte klockan? Hör du inte klockan? Ding ding dong. Ding ding dong. (Ha Charley, I know the lyrics!)

Strong stomachs on those two huh

OOO WEE OOO halfway mark!

Back to the tale! "Anything could be born with music, and nothing could be born without it" love that sentiment. No love without expression and no expression without love. Yeah, this is what doctor who is about!

Right, so we're just doing the theme twice around the fairytale ig. It's a banger though.

Okay??? Guess the cover makes sense now? Kinda horrifying.

Ueeeghhh that soundddd. Stop pushing 😩

Sisyphus.

Oooooooohhhh this is good this is good. They're getting there. So now it's out there what are we gonna do about it huh, doc?

Yeah throat cutting is more fucked up than I expected from this story.

ooo wee ooo

I didn't expect that turn to the fairytale… yeah guess there is always yang in the yin and yin in the yang. How come I can never manage to think past the midpoint to the break into the third act when beginning a new story?

Uugghhh that sound again. Most fucked up "kiss" in who history?

1. wtf is going on. Why is he her daughter? 2. STOP IT with the audio glitches! It's past 1 in the morning!! People are sleeping in the next room I can't make a noise!

Oh, it's the creature.

I don't get it, why must anyone die?

Even in the audios, doctor who people can't just fuck normal apparently

And it just. Ends?

Do we find out how they make it back to our reality? Do they? Tune in next week to find out if it was all a dream!

Thoughts the morning after

I liked the story at the beginning better than the ending, but I struggle to keep up with plot at the best of times, let alone overtired and without a visual. I'm more of an emotional arcs kinda guy anyway, so pure character study is more my thing than the plot. Hats off to the audio editor and writer, this is the best use of the medium I've heard yet.

Okay, looking up the meaning of the title. Translated from Swedish Wikipedia (cause it was more concise than the English one): "Scherzo (plural: Scherzi), Italian for joke, is a musical form in classical music." Typically it's found somewhere near the middle of a classical piece, and it's a kinda fun/funky/up-tempo thing (more info here). Like this or this, which yeah, sound very much like this story feels.

So I'm guessing the title is in reference to the Frère Jacques melody, a kid's play song that is usually sung in rounds (the same way it echoes in the story). What with the whole growing up/evolution theme that goes along with it, that would make this a story about the value of mimicry and how that allows you to learn, but that single-minded obsession will never allow you to develop your own identity, because independence requires playfulness and creativity, without which we regress and wear out and tear apart what we cared about in the first place. Which relates back to the fascism-related themes I mentioned at the beginning, and also applies pretty obviously to the Doctor and Charley's relationship.

This then becomes a story about the value and limitations of stories themselves. Really affirming of fandom communities in a way, that make stories into something more, and more their own than they could ever have been if they were left as they were. Feels especially poignant coming from what was at the time an offshoot of a TV series that was cancelled but the fans refused to let die.

I'm also seeing a lot of references to minuets in relation to scherzi (since the scherzo is an evolution of the minuet), so is this the same writer as a minuet in hell? Nope, apparently not, these guys just all like their musical terminology. Overall really enjoying the complexity of the references in these older audios though, it's nice when stories introduce you to new things—especially in a show all about the wonder of discovery.

Very good story, this one has layers on layers and the onion certainly isn't made of glass. Emotionally I kinda prefer the raw angst of Zagreus, though I think this is one of those stories that will grow on you over time and as you re-listen. Yet another thing to look forward to. I like it more just from having written all this out. Love that these audios give the audience something to digest, those are always the kinds of stories that stay with you.

I'm so glad to be here.

[mysticdoodles]

FABLEHAVEN AUDIOBOOK ON YOUTUBE??

I'm screaming and crying and laughing my crops are growing my skin is clear my aching bones are healed of creaking- ya'll my inner child hasn't been this happy in years.

Deep Voice Narrator, I would like to personally shake your hand and treat you to a coffee as thanks for this wonderful gift you've given me.

I've had my (positive) rant post about Fablehaven on Tumblr for a literal decade and every now and then it gets some note traffic, but for the longest time I was convinced I was the only kid on earth who ever read the dang books. I was so sad that, in the wake of Jerk Kraven Rowling's bulldozing of fantasy media franchises at the time with the release of the HP movies, nobody would ever pick up these books. They were overlooked, tossed aside for the hot new films made for the fantasy series Harry Potter, and forgotten by everybody except the few folks who bothered to pick up the interesting covers or were gifted copies for their birthdays. I was among the latter, and god as my witness I would not be the same person I am today if not for these novels. I still have all five novels with the original covers, and they're among my most cherished possessions.

Are they perfect? No, they're products of their time and have some flaws. They're the first book series ever penned by Brandon Mull, who would go on to write and complete many more fantasy book series, but for his maiden voyage into writing, they're incredible! The flaws are nowhere near the level of some of the BS that Just Kidding Rowling pulled in HP.

Do they still slap severely and commit really fucking hard to the fantasy? YES. A MILLION TIMES YES.

And you have seen fit to gift the world with a digestible audiobook format I can send to my friends who are unable to purchase the books, that also serves as a giant middle finger to Amazon. I could kiss you, but I'm ace and respect boundaries, so I will instead grab you by the shoulders and shake you vigorously like a maraca. And you're doing ALL FIVE BOOKS-

EVERYBODY READING THIS POST- GO READ FABLEHAVEN OR LISTEN TO THESE WONDERFUL AUDIOBOOKS BY DEEP VOICE NARRATOR, AND COMMUNICATE TELEPATHICALLY WITH ME ON A SPIRITUAL LEVEL ABOUT HOW INTENSELY THESE BOOKS SLAP. I HAVE INCLUDED LINKS TO BOTH THE PLAYLIST AND DPN'S YOUTUBE, YOU HAVE NO EXCUSE NOW.

I know Tumblr's gonna nuke this post from search bars due to the external links, please spread the word of this audiobook I'm begging-

[griefabyss69]

Bit of a NSFW drabble idea for the LARP Steddie: they could do a scene at a club?

Hey anon! I took some liberties with the idea of a club, mostly because there's like three ways I could interpret that. Also I don't think this is like, LARP AU canon (unless I decide later on to expand it), but it's definitely that version of those characters!

I hope this is what you wanted! I really had fun with this one, thank you so much for the request <3

[Drabble request series on ao3]

---

2.9K words - Steddie - Rated: E

Contains: Public humiliation, riding crops, pain play, ball torture (with the crop only), spitting, Eddie IN LOVE, Roleplaying (cowboys!), Bondage, handcuffs, and a fade to black kind of ending otherwise I would've been writing a novel about it LMAO

Of all of the ways that Steve's pushed him before, the crazy shit he's gotten up to since the first time Steve got him on his knees, this has to be the one that he should be tapping out of before it even begins.

It's so. Public.

Safe, Steve assured him, detailing exactly how he went about it, making sure that the bar they were going to was so far underground that it's never been raided before, that it's so illegal that nobody's going to even ask him for a fake, community minded in a way that means bad actors are thrown out so people can get up to their freaky shit in peace.

Yeah, because peaceful is totally the word Eddie would use for this.

Hard metal cuffs digging into his wrists – he'd asked Steve to leave a mark on him and meant it – as he struggles against the wood column he's strung up against, the chain of the cuffs hooked up high behind the pole and over one of the low wooden beams that spans the ceiling.

He has to hold onto it, to acquiesce to his position – in life, in this bar, in Steve's hands – otherwise the handcuffs are gonna really hurt him. His feet are tied together too, boots bound behind the pole with rope around the ankles, those and his socks the only fucking stitch of clothing he's got on.

He doesn't know it makes him feel more naked or not, but his dick is way ahead of him, physically sticking out like a red beacon and also way more on board with all of this than the part of himself that houses his common sense.

The cowboy hat on Steve's head tips back as he looks up at him, surveying the outlaw he'd captured, riding crop steady in his hand as he walks around him.

Their audience – because this place of Eddie-style freaks draws people who love watching helpless men get trussed up like a fucking Halloween decoration – is watching, eager to see what he does with it.

Eddie's… scared.

In his planning Steve had practiced with the riding crop, gave Eddie all of the details on how he tested it out on his own skin as Eddie's hand had crept into his shorts to get a hand around himself, and that kind of worries him. Because Steve knows how to wield it, he's not going to hold back. He promised he wouldn't.

Steve caught him, Eddie The Bad, the outlaw cowboy who'd been causing trouble in town, and Steve The Protector was giving him his very public punishment.

The light brush of leather over his thigh makes Eddie jump, eyes flying from where they were locked onto Steve's to watch him tease the crop up to where his balls are hanging – tight and ready despite the fact that they haven't gotten to the best part yet – ghosting over them just to drive home the fact of his vulnerability.

They'd set limits, but that doesn't change the fact that Steve could do whatever he wanted. He'd never, which is why Eddie even agreed to this, but with so many eyes on him he feels like he's truly at everyone's mercy.

Meeting the staff earlier had been interesting. They'd been fully dressed, normal, themselves, as they went over things with the bouncer and security and the bartenders. Steve had apparently been planning this for like three weeks, a lot of secret phone calls, letting the staff in on things that Eddie has no idea about.

The smirk the bouncer had given him, the "good luck!" he'd called as they headed in to set the scene, had not made him feel very confident.

But despite what he's cultivated his whole life, tonight isn't about being confident, about impressing anyone. It's about obeying, about fictional atonement, about mutual gratification through breaking him so far out of his comfort zone he thinks he's landed on mars.

His dick gives a heavy throb as he struggles again, trying to stay in character so he doesn't just attempt to get some friction from the crop.

Steve laughs, deep and beautiful, mocking him. His usually sweet smile is twisted into something that lights up further every time Eddie shows a sign of distress, and he wonders if the audience can tell that he's so fucking in love with him.

"Alright tough guy," Steve says, not bothering with a shitty western accent. "Can you count to one hundred?"

No fucking way is he hitting him with that thing a hundred times.

Eddie swallows hard, ice water fear trickling into his veins, and he widens his eyes at Steve, forgetting to look defiant for a moment. He's sure he just looks like a panicking loser, but a riding crop hurts, he's never even been had his ass slapped that much with a soft hand before.

"What? You can't? You can rob people of a thousand coins but you can't even count them?"

Steve brings the crop back up to his balls, toying with him, all cat-and-mouse about it as he gives them a light tap. It doesn't hurt, but Eddie still flinches.

"And you're not even gonna answer me? That's pretty rude, tough guy."

Eddie screws his face up into the evil villain frown he usually employs in way more G rated situations, gathering spit in his mouth. He has to aim carefully, doesn't want to get the borrowed cowboy hat dirty, but he's good enough with it, spits on Steve's flannel shirt, right over where his heart is.

How romantic.

Steve slowly looks down at it, his hat almost covering how he's fighting the twitch at the corner of his mouth, Jesus. Eddie really didn't think that would make him have to fight against laughter.

"You son of a bitch," he says like a threat, head whipping back up to glare at him. "Screw counting, I'm gonna have you here until the sun comes up, and then I'm gonna leave you for the folk you stole from, and they're gonna have you until I get back at sunset."

He twirls the crop in his hands like it's not long and unwieldy, and then whips the head of it smartly into Eddie's thigh.

He didn't really expect to be broken into a moan so fucking quickly, but the intention to curse at him drowns under the way his whole body tries to roll into the pain.

There's a few whispers in the crowd, most likely talking about how he’s a slut for the pain, how they either expected that or not, and Steve smirks, nailing him in the exact same spot as the first time.

That fucking hurts and he hisses, fingers clenching into the wood of the beam above him, bracing himself through the initial pain of it.

"Fuck. You!" He yells, knowing that all Steve will hear is a beg for more.

"As if I'd ever let you inside of me," Steve says, bringing the crop down on the inside of his other thigh, eyes sparkling in the incandescent lighting as Eddie gasps.

He's not sure he'd be able to describe the feeling he has now, a mountain made up of so many different layers of things that should be their own mountains, as big as they are.

Love and humiliation are locked in a fierce battle, while pain and pleasure have linked arms to mess with his head. Then of course there's the feeling of joy he gets whenever he gets to take something like this seriously, the drama and creativity of it forming summits of fun. A sprinkle of the little pride he has left feebly dusts the tops of it all, quickly melting away with each new smack of the crop.

Later he'll feel even more, when Steve rescues him from Evil Steve, Steve Who Wields This Fucking Weapon and Also Undressed Him In Front of Like Thirty People. Appreciation and exhaustion and the soreness that tells him he's going to wake up feeling both super well rested and hard as nails.

But for now he has to endure the way that he overhears someone pointing out how much his dick is leaking, pre-cum dripping in humiliating rivulets down the big vein in his cock to get his balls all wet, has to endure Steve reaching up to whip him right in the nipple, hard enough he's going to feel it against his shirt all day tomorrow.

He has to endure how loudly he moans, how he almost cums even though Steve's usually the one with the sensitive nipples, how if he doesn't try to keep his attention focused on Steve or on the ceiling, everyone's eyes feel like they're seeing deeply into him, and it's bad enough his skin is bared for everyone, but for them to read how much he loves it too?

The crop caresses his face before there's a quick-soft-glance of a whip over the head of his dick.

"No!" He yells, gasping as his hips buck forward, chasing after the pain. "Fuck!"

Steve laughs, as mean and beautiful as always, his cheeks a little flushed under the shadow of the hat. Getting to see him like this, all put together in a proper costume, having so much fun with roleplaying in public, it makes him fall even harder than ever.

They haven't even broached the topic of a date, or making this something between partners and not friends who do freaky shit together, but Eddie's been finding himself daydreaming about illegal backyard weddings for a while now.

The riding crop rips his attention away from the curve of Steve's mouth when it slaps up into his balls, hard.

There's a sound that must come out of him, broken like the craggy rocks of Mount Humiliation, the pain causing lights to sparkle in his eyes as he looks across the expanse of his reality and finds that his existence really fucking hurts.

"Are you going to comply with me now?" Steve asks, leaning back against a table, hip cocked all pliant and easy.

This is just another day of tormenting bad guys, for him.

Eddie shakes his head no, can't trust he'll open his mouth and anything better than drool will come out, though once he has control of his muscles again he might use it.

"Guess I'll do it some more," Steve says, twirling the crop again.

The head of it shines dimly in the light, Eddie's pre-cum on it.

It's a stark reminder of his aching dick, pulsing so hard that it defeats the entire scientific concept of gravity.

Steve straightens up slowly, and Eddie sees people watching him, interested in the tilt of his hips as he walks back up to him, and. He's not possessive, and maybe it's a relief to have less of the sharp gazes assessing every inch of him and how horny he’s gotten, but he knows that he'd hate it if Steve paid them any attention.

They just don't know him like Eddie does, their mouths wouldn't fit over him like his does, their hands are all wrong. He knows that without seeing them.

Steve doesn't even notice them, though. Eddie's getting all weird about it for no reason, wedding bells chiming in the back of his mind even as he sees the crop – practically in slow motion – headed towards his balls again and all he can do is tighten up and brace himself.

Except…

Steve pulls back at the last second, the only thing touching him is the air, and Eddie thinks he might cum too early just from the sheer relief.

He sags, blowing out a breath, letting the handcuffs hold him up for a second to give his hands a break.

"I'm not that predictable," Steve says, and smacks the crop into his one of his sore thighs.

It still hurts, but after the rolling tsunami of pain from his balls, visceral enough to wind him, it's practically a loving caress. He groans, lets his legs shake as he rolls his body forward, seeking out the sensation of it.

"I'm also not that kind, either," Steve says and -

Fuck.

There it is.

It hurts so badly this time that he blacks out for a moment, teeth clenched so hard that spit drips out of the corners of his mouth, his abs clenched in a too-late brace against the pain that has his brain tricked for a moment, made him think he's cumming.

He's not, there's no orgasm, it's all just the agony of his throbbing balls, of the tears welling up in his eyes and spilling out, no chance to try to blink them away to save whatever minuscule amount of pride he has left. There it is, melted right off the mountain by the hot rays of Steve, rivers of it trickling down to drip off of the end of his jaw.

Steve's eyes look black under the shadow of his hat, big and beautiful but wicked, the sadism Eddie never thought he'd love seeing anywhere but in the mirror spearing him right through the heart.

He'd give it over in his own heartbeat, still pumping on a leather platter, tied up with his handcuffs and rope, if that's what Steve wanted. If he planned carefully for three weeks and broached the subject only after clearing the idea with a literal team of people staffing the venue where he wanted to sink his teeth into it.

"Yeah, you thought you could take it, huh tough guy?" Steve asks, tapping the crop firmly against one of his cheeks, mixing pre-cum and tears together. "Give up yet?"

Eddie shakes his head, feeling a bit dizzy but not weak, still good to go if he wants.

And fuck, he hates himself for it, but he wants it so badly at the same time. He's been knocked down several pegs in the past few months, what's another one?

So, of fucking course, he wants it.

"Never met someone who had to rely on torturing someone's ball sack to scrape out a victory," he says, and spits on him again, getting it right on his mouth.

Steve goes still, and quiet. The twitch of laughter isn't there like before, this time he slowly wipes the spit off, every inch of movement broadcasting the danger of a snake about to strike. Eddie's dick throbs hard, greedy.

"There's going to be nothing left to torture when I'm done with you," Steve hisses, prodding his chin with the end of the crop. "You're going to regret ever stepping foot in this town."

Eddie thinks that if he's not careful he'll start to melt right out of his skin, letting the hard nudge of the braided leather guide his head upwards, baring his throat for everyone.

"Can't wait," he says, his voice strained and dry.

Steve watches him for a minute, taking him in, maybe giving him another moment to rest before he starts again, kicking it off with a hard flick to the tip of his dick.

He groans, his eyes squeezing shut against the sharp pain even though he's trying to find Steve's hand again, wanting to press up against him.

"It's like you want me to do this to you," Steve says, flicking him again.

His eyes roll back, his hips roll forward, he's… yeah. He does.

"Maybe you should shut up or make good on your threats, Pretty Boy," he says, dredging up a smirk through the haze of intensity that grips at him.

Steve laughs, smacks the crop against the same nipple as before, and flicks his dick again. It's a heady combination, has him writhing against the ropes holding his ankles together, his calves squeezing around the wooden column.

"Maybe I should punish you by leaving you here," Steve says, stepping back a few paces, twirling the crop in his hands again. "Do you think anybody would take pity on you? Cut you loose? Maybe smack your cock around, since you love it so much?"

Eddie catches himself before he begs him to stay, just stares for a minute as he tries to think of something to say that isn't so incriminating. He knows he was technically defeated before they even walked in here, that's how they planned this would go, but he's been fighting against it the whole time. It doesn't make sense to give in yet, especially not if it reinforces the idea of Steve threatening to leave him in order to get what he wants. Even if it's just acting.

"It would be a soothing balm to my sorry eyes if you walked on out of here," he says, making it obvious that he's starting to gather more spit.

Steve's eyes flick to his mouth, sharp like the whip they'd vetoed last month, and in one fluid movement so graceful it has Eddie impressed in the split second of brainpower he gets to have, he takes two prowling steps forward and hammers the crop against his balls again.

Eddie goes somewhere for a moment, brain stuttering on the image of Steve's arm, crop in hand, flying through the air, blackened pain shot through with exploding lights, his bones maybe starting to disintegrate with the feeling, and he thinks this must be what all of those romantic comedies are about. The kiss so good it sets off fireworks in your skull, rattles love deep into your spinal cord until you'd do anything to get more of it.

His eyelids struggle when he opens them, but he's glad he does, catching the worried furrow of Steve's brow, the alert way he stands tall and strong, waiting on him.

"Harder," he croaks out, and spits on Steve's shoe.

[raccoonfallsharder]

Do you have any advice on making time for writing and avoiding burnout? I'm impressed by the amount of projects you have and how they're consistently high quality.

oh love. sunshine. you tiny fresh vanilla seed (precious & delightful // it is a luxury to interact with you). so first i’m gonna apologize because there’s a 99% chance this is not the advice you’re looking for and SURPRISE i wrote another novel. (so also jot this down… my being prolific is helped by the fact that i literally cannot shut the fuck up to save my life). anyway here are my rules for writing

1. don’t look at the man behind the curtain (in this case that’s me). I had 70% of window and probably 90% of sweatshirt girl drafted before i even started revising && posting individual chapters/ installments. it gives the illusion of me cranking out a new chapter every week but i do NOT do that. i just try to revise once a week. maybe write a half+ chapter of something new. it’s not an illusion i create on purpose. i just know i need TIME to rest my brain before I come back and revise or it’ll start all looking the same to me. so i def frontload my writing before i start posting.

i also do this because i need at least the ghost of an ending to keep writing

i also never originally intended to post window or sweatshirt girl - i was originally just writing for me. so they were mostly done before i even decided to post

i ALSO work at a school and while i do have hours over the summer, i am doing much less (imo) important things when there aren’t students around, sooooo i end up daydreaming and drafting a lot

my writing is also powered by depression (“write the world as i want it to be”) and frankly i don’t recommend that to anyone ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

so if i look like i’m producing a lot it’s just because of the way this year has unfolded, and once we get through the next few chapters of window i’m sure I’ll hit a lull because I’m still struggling to write those chapters (sorry in advance folksss)

2. i swear to god creativity (like everything in nature) happens in cycles. blah blah no flower blooms all year && no tree bears fruit every season. fallowness is IMPORTANT for growing gardens. if you are in a slow space - let yourself be slow. sink into the quiet season. speed&&quantity are SO overrated and if you overcultivate your soil there will be no nutrients left for your crops. let the snows come in && blanket you on occasion. they are their own kind of blank page (i swear to fuck sometimes i sound like some kind of ai generating bad proverbs but you knew what you were getting when you came to my asks i guess! i am unashamed)

tbh i have a modest art side-hustle and am working on painting a project that WILL take YEARS - and this whole summer, i have neglected that project in lieu of being a rocket fangirl because frankly my brain needed a break. guess what? my followers understand and it has not been a problem. because any fellow creative should know that the process takes time and is always in flux

(3) a lot of people will tell you - write a little every day. write even if it’s bad. you can always come back with fresh eyes later. I support these ideas in theory. i keep my writing && my sketchbooks where i can access them almost anytime, and even if it’s only for ten minutes, i do write something most days. but more than this - listen to your body and your brain and your heart. and for fanfiction especially - ONLY write when it’s fun. if you start writing from obligation instead of love, you will burn out faster, create less, and even resent this thing that should be an escape for you. (and your readers will feel it, even if they don’t know why). (also your readers - if they are good people - will understand this && support you) (and if they’re not good people, they don’t deserve your heart like that). if your body says take time off then TAKE TIME OFF. don’t let capitalism brainwash you into believing all your joys must entail consistent labor, that every good thing comes with a side of drudgery, or that you can’t stop something once you start it. they don’t. it doesn’t. you can. let yourself have a scrap of unfettered && unpressured happiness in this place. you deserve it, i fuckin swear that to you on my goddamn life.

(4) maybe im inadvertently repeating myself but please. be kind to yourself. let your community be kind to you too. we are supposed to take care of each other. give yourself grace && know we are on your side

okay wow i’m so sorry. fuck me that’s not what you were asking for but it is the best && most earnest && most true advice i can give you. “carve some time out every day” is nice and aspirational and maybe give it a try, but life is hard and don’t blame yourself if you can’t. let fanfiction be a force for joy in your days/nights, not a chore. nope im just saying the same shit over and over LOOK. i love you. you are good. life is short. have fun. that’s truly all & the most important things I have inside me, and I’m sorry for my limitations. for whatever that is worth

♡♡♡

[verybadatcardgames]

Sightshipping for 001?

Also answering for @over-roaming-waves, who was curious.

Sightshipping

when I started shipping it: Back in 2017, I started drafting a fic about their adventure in Egypt trying to hide the God Cards. It was really supposed to be a drama/humor fic about Isis having a constant headache and finding Pegasus to be an annoyance (because I personally found Pegasus to be an annoying character at the time), but as I kept writing, I really fell in love with both of the characters and imagining how their personalities would clash and complement one another

The adventure fic was up for a while, but I yanked it offline not long ago. The story is undergoing revisions and I want to redo it as a comic because I'm a masochist

my thoughts: Do you like to read novels?

I have so many thoughts, but for the sake of the ask, I will try to keep it short.

I really like the idea of them being so set in their plans pre-series and not really being amicable at the start, the both of them so committed to their pasts and their Items that it blinds them from seeing any alternatives from their personal life scripts. Then both their plans go up in flames (Pegasus loses Duelist Kingdom and Seto shows Isis the grim fate she believed in is not infallible), they both lose their Items, and with Atem crossing into the Afterlife, they're no longer tied into the Great Game. So now they have this freedom to explore the future and what the world has to offer, but there's also uncertainty and powerlessness in not being able to foresee what is coming, not knowing what other people are thinking, and not knowing what to do next.

And somewhere in there, I like imagining them going from business acquaintances to friends to lovers.

(also my constant daydream about Isis wanting to confess to Pegasus that she foresaw him getting the Eye ripped out of his head but didn't say anything back then because she didn't believe she could alter destiny with a warning but uh oh-oh no Seto proved you can change the future so she feels like utter crap that Pegasus nearly died and fears he won't want to talk to her again and the looming sense of dread and judgment haunts her; she's so scared he's gonna kick her to the curb when he learns she could have saved him so much grief if she had just said something

and she's so absorbed in the guilt of her past inaction that she doesn't realize Pegasus can plainly see she's torturing herself with all these thoughts so he reaches out and touches her hand and

ok I'll shut up)

What makes me happy about them: The possibilities--in the anime timeline. They're both alive and there is a chance something could happen. Daydreams and headcanons abound

What makes me sad about them: They stand in a room staring at each other for less than 10 seconds in the anime. Isis talks about wanting to "fulfill his wishes" offhandedly in the manga (by getting the God Cards back from her brother). The most dialogue we see exchanged between the two of them is in a GBA game

MY CROPS ARE THIRSTY AND I AM KEEPING THEM ALIVE WITH A NOVELTY SHOT GLASS

things done in fanfic that annoys me: Oh

Oh honey

There is not enough fanfic of this rarepair for that to be a thing

things I look for in fanfic: I dunno I have to look at my WIP folder

Who I’d be comfortable them ending up with, if not each other: Isis with her job and intermittent dates with Aileen Rao; Pegasus sober with his art supplies and comics

My happily ever after for them: Married with 5 kids but one of them is a daughter biologically fathered by Seto Kaiba after Isis and Pegasus have a heated threesome with him in Marrakesh. Isis and Pegasus know the kid is Seto's, but they don't tell him because it would make things complicated, but Seto does eventually find out at his daughter's 13th birthday party. Seto punches Pegasus in the face and tells him he isn't surprised Pegasus could be that cruel but he can't believe Isis hid the truth from him, which leads to Isis' oldest daughter resenting her because she believes she was the product of an affair, even though she wasn't, but the fine details were not disclosed as Isis thinks the news that Pegasus isn't her biological father was already traumatic enough and she felt it wasn't appropriate to tell her teenage daughter she was conceived during a passionate threesome

Like it all works out in the end when all their kids are adults with their own lives and it gets better after a lot of shit hits the fan but that's my future/next gen "happily ever after" headcanon

who is the big spoon/little spoon: It switches, but I'd say Pegasus is the big spoon 70% of the time. He likes to hug Isis to his chest and doesn't want to let go because she is warm and comfy

And he has PTSD related to this

what is their favorite non-sexual activity: Morning, afternoon, and evening tea time--and movie night.

[twilightknight17]

P3R while I was gone, part 2: featuring unnecessary romantic issues, ride or die, and the last full moon.

In the last two weeks before the end of everything, we visit Fuuka’s class next door, where Natsuki has an announcement to make!

“Goodbye everyone, I’ll remember you all in therapy!” XD

More seriously, though, Fuuka is very upset. But they have a lovely conversation on the roof, and Natsuki promises to keep in touch. It helps Fuuka realize that she finally has real friends and a place to belong, and it leads to her persona evolving.

Juno is cool. ^_^ I like the wings.

I spend my time after school with Bebe to finish off his social link. He’s taking the kimono back to France to show his uncle, in the hopes that he’ll be allowed to continue living in Japan.

I’m not sure how leaving in the middle of the second semester works, but I guess it’s okay?

Considering Maiko, I’m starting to think most of my social links are going to end with people leaving. The bookshop couple didn’t, but like… they own the store. But anyone not specifically tied down has a chance of disappearing.

….DANGER NOODLE! I was wondering if you were here!!

I’ve only got one ongoing nighttime social link, so I have some time for browsing the websites I’ve bought from the deep web informant. This time, we’re going to check out a blog that guarantees to increase the yield of my crops. ^_^

……………….is… is this really the website link we bought from a sketchy dude in a club? God. At least it told me where to buy golden tomato sprouts.

The next day, we’re heading back to Tartarus to retrieve our monthly victims who wander in, as well as another cat!

Another one of my social links is in trouble, and it’s Maiko this time, which… how dare? That is a child?

Maiko was supposedly moving away that day, so… I wonder if it’s always the same links that go missing, or if it’s random. Because both times, I’ve been warned of dire consequences if I don’t save them, but it’s also been people I’ve already maxed. So that’s kind of silly.

We’ve also found the last(?) memoir piece in Monad, which…

Prince, huh? Does that make me the prince’s consort? :D

We had to leave Tartarus because we’ve reached another border floor. I GUESS we’ll never get to see what’s past it, since Tartarus is going to disappear after the next full moon. It’s SO SAD that we’ll never see the top. Can’t believe the game is almost over.

Lmao

Anyway, back to social linking and school. XD

Never change, sensei.

I’ve been helping Yuko train some elementary schoolers to run a race against the middle-school kids who want to take over their play area. They tied their race and apparently made friends with the middle-schoolers, so we’re having a party to celebrate their success, even though they keep calling me Yuko’s boyfriend. I laughed it off, and so did Yuko.

No problem! Your room’s nice. Cool stereo.

We laughed that off, right???? So why are you asking me about whether I’d want my hypothetical kid to be a boy or a girl. In conjunction with talking about your future kids?

Yeah, apparently picturing our future children. X’’’’D Look, Yuko, you’re great, and I’m glad you’ve discovered what kind of career path you want to take in the future. But I don’t think this is gonna work out.

I forgot that eventually I’m going to have to start turning down people developing crushes on me. It always makes me feel a little bad because I do like them, I just don’t want to date them?

(I want to date Mitsuru, but I’m not a ~*genius*~ yet.)

At least Aigis is having fun with her yakuza novels.

After school the next day, I receive a call from Kenji, who is freaking the hell out.

Dude, what the fuck. Were you just going around talking about this to people other than me? I thought it was a secret.

But the man in my dreams insists that I remember the consequences of my actions, so you should too. I don’t know what you expected to happen when you decided to court the ETHICS TEACHER. FFS, Kenji. Keep it together. I don’t even know if I can offer advice for this one.

At least Strega is having real problems.

They grew up in a lab, with only each other. I can understand their feelings regarding that, at least. It’s the same sort of thing as with Goro in P5R. Removing the memories of those experiences would completely change who they are as people. Like, they’re not a good people, but the solution to that is not wiping everything and making them someone else.

Jin still remembers what Takaya told him, to get him through all of that.

Taking that away would be… cruel.

But we can’t keep going like this, either.

There’s two days left, and only one of my Sunday social links is ready to rank up, so let’s go hang out with my track rival!

...you know, at least you have parents and siblings. Mine are dead. Please don’t assume anything about me. :/

So now, at last, it’s the night before the finale! Time for one last team meeting. Everyone is grateful to me for being leader, and Mitsuru is finally willing to fess up what her real reason for fighting is. It’s not entirely about righting her family’s wrongs. It’s about protecting her father.

She’s been doing this since probably even BEFORE middle school. No wonder she wants to bring an end to it so badly.

Well, we all know what’s coming. Strega is going to try to stop us. But we can’t stop now.

Takaya, you’re still not wrong, but you’re being willfully ignorant of what the actual problem is.

Jin is a Fortune arcana, and his persona looks like a spinny dice. :D

But there’s more of us than there are of them, so this was never really a contest, even if they are strong.

I dunno if evokers are really “naturally awakened”, but… yeah. Forcing it isn’t good for you. That should be obvious.

Mitsuru wasn’t aware of the fact that the Kirijo Group was experimenting on people. Which, she was a child, so I’m not surprised. But based on the note Takaya gave me before, part of the reason to experiment on other kids was to make things safer for Mitsuru. So… we probably shouldn’t tell her that.

I’m starting to think we don’t know a lot of things.

Takaya is willing to shoot himself with his real gun, but Jin stops him. Even if it’s just so he doesn’t go by himself.

They fall back over the side of the bridge, and then it’s just us and the final shadow.

Honestly, I hate the Hanged Man. The fact that it’s being held up by hooks in its skin is gross. X’D The gimmick was interesting, though. It could give itself a bunch of extra turns, and it hit really hard. Not quite final-boss hard, but it was a challenging fight.

But we won!

We can go home content in the knowledge that the world is now safe from the Arcana Shadows.

...I didn’t even know you could exist outside of the Dark Hour, honey. Wow. This is surreal.

What do you think of the sun? Have you ever seen it before? Have you seen it through me?

Yeah. Things are good. ^_^

……….

Can you at least tell me why you have to leave?? What did you remember? What ruined this miracle? I might need to know that?????

If you cry, I’m going to cry.

I wish I could hug him, but… God forbid a protagonist be allowed to hug anyone. Except Yukari in Yakushima. X’’’’D

I’ll see you soon, Pharos. Love you.

[presumenothing]

assorted translation notes on the novel opening sprinkled with peanut gallery comments (or possibly vice versa, idk):

yes that is a cluedo reference in the case title i couldn't stop myself and i'm not sorry

"…of the sixth month": not july, because this is in lunar calendar

"lucky pattern lotus parlour": ok i spent like at least One Whole Minute considering whether or not to talk myself out of this one. still didn't, still not sorry, alliteration funny

"bingshan town": could also be pingshan, flip a coin

anyway li lianhua arriving in their main street with his wholeass house like. it's Free Real Estate

"town god/local shrine": original term here is 土地庙 for the record. anyway who's gonna write the crackfic where li lianhua wakes up one morning in some random town to find that the locals have set up an entire shrine offering right outside complete with massive incense burner and all

wait hang on li lianhua was spring cleaning for TEN DAYS STRAIGHT??

"surname Li, named Lianhua": if anyone has come up with a better way of rendering 姓李，叫莲花 please tell me because i haven't

pov you're swiping through tinder when suddenly one of the profiles is just like Jianghu's #1 Most Very Mystery every biodata field is We Just Don't Know, Man and the pic is a badly circled cryptid sighting (idk i don't use tinder)

(li lianhua voice) "excuse you i didn't do two things i just did the same thing twice. technically speaking"

"lifelong learner": well Actually what the results for 皓首穷经 kept insisting on giving me was "hoary head" but i didn't go with that, so there but for the grace of me goeth you, shi wenjue

im sorry but the true utter crack au where he picked 李乌龟 instead (because yknow. turtle. house and all) and we are forced to live with the consequences

yunhe my dude you should've just bought a roomba instead of wasting your money on that incense and letter paper

"precious softwood": specifically nanmu, which (to collective unsurprise) was also used for shipbuilding, among other things

just........ the sheer over-the-top hercule poirot short story energy of this entire intro part, really

"king of hell": none other than 阎罗王 ofc

"a sound of dismay": he straight up "aiya"s here. i just could not figure out how to work it in for the life of me

"dust and sawdust": curse this stupid language that made both of these words contain dust this sounds So Awful

it has been 0 days since li lianhua last said "ah" (the counter never moves past zero)

toss em eggs, bystanders, we believe in you

(cheng yunhe walking in) you live like this??

"could only work with what he had, dead or otherwise": the original actually invokes 死马当活马医 (a saying which Literally means "treat a dead horse as a live one"), blast the english language for not having an equivalent

fang duobing's intro paragraphs? 10/10 sheer hilarity no notes

....why is "commit robbery"" up there on the list next to "plant crops"

"melancholic young master": 多愁公子 (he's got 99 worries and somehow li lianhua is all 100 of them)

how HAS fang duobing known li lianhua for literally just as long as he's been in the jianghu tho

ok three crackfic proposals in one post is a bit much even for me but. the one where li lianhua keeps accidentally digging up non-dead people/lost treasure/unmentionable secrets when actually he just wanted to borrow some onions for tonight's soup. honest

(this may possibly just be canon)

aaaand fifty taels, welp

[solarpunkpresentspodcast]

Fantasy, feminism, and philosophy

Recently, I picked up two novels published in the late 1980s by CJ Cherryh. I’ve been avoiding reading books since I finished my dissertation, as the act of opening a physical book seems a little too reminiscent of work, no matter the content - I’ve been enjoying audiobooks, but find it more difficult to listen to fiction than non-fiction, and so my consumption of published material has been skewed one way for several years.

I decided to break that cycle by returning to one of my pre-teen loves, which I read voraciously: high fantasy, the kind of novels with swords and sorcery right there on the cover, in all their pulpy ‘80s glory. I am a fast reader and can finish a ~250-page novel in an evening, given few interruptions, so long as I am hooked. I was looking for that hook.

I found it! And one other book by the same author, which I thought was high fantasy, but turns out to have a science-fiction, world-hopping backdrop. But I also am now armed with a lot more knowledge of feminist theory and the rise of women’s and feminist fiction* (well, science fiction) during the ‘70s and ‘80s, and so I found myself reading with an eye to the representation of women and a constant feminist narrative analysis going in the back of my brain (don’t be sorry; it was rad as hell). It takes a lot more for me to be satisfied with a narrative these days, and it’s not necessarily any sort of literary snobbery on my part, although I do consider myself to have higher standards now. I will read the pulpiest genre fic that I can find, but I will only truly recommend it if I find something redeeming in it - and not just plot and characters. I’m looking for a specific kind of feminist philosophy in the narrative.

Seems like a lot to ask from genre fiction, right? But to me (and to scholars in the entire discipline of English literature going back centuries), stories aren’t just stories: they’re vehicles embodying cultural attitudes and messages about the way the world works. Even a hastily-written piece of flash fiction will still contain the author’s biases and worldview in it, from the characters, the plot, and down to the words they choose to use (or avoid). Science fiction are stories (often) told in the future, but they are actually about present issues; fantasy are likewise stories (often) told in the past, but they reflect the author’s (and audience’s) view of and struggles within the present.**

And so I couldn’t help thinking, as I was reading, about my thesis’s second chapter, which was all about gender and post-apocalyptic science fiction during feminism’s second wave, because I think there’s a fair amount of those conclusions which are cross-applicable to fantasy from the same period.*** Not to put too fine a point on it, but post-apocalyptic sf is itself a fantastical narrative, and though it’s not “fantasy” as we think of the genre, it certainly draws from some of the same imaginative sources.

Some background

I’m gonna try to keep this brief, not least because others have written on it better and more comprehensively. In 17th century Europe, the Western scientific enterprise as we know it today was coalescing, and unfortunately for all subsequent practitioners of science, the values of 17th century European cismales were hard-coded into the philosophy underpinning the scientific worldview. Hence fun things like scientific racism, eugenics, devaluing animals and nature, and sexism, which keeps cropping up throughout the subsequent centuries, and is also what I’m going to focus on now.

You know what else was happening in 17th century Europe? Witch hunts. I’ll spare you a history lesson about it but in short, that’s the background cultural context of what was going on at the time. The milieu of misogyny, you might say. Carolyn Merchant, who wrote a pretty foundational ecofeminist text tracing this history, points to the writings of Francis Bacon as instrumental in advocating for “the control of nature for human benefit” in which he “used the language of nature as female to articulate an experimental philosophy that would extract nature's secrets.” (ENVIRONMENTALISM: FROM THE CONTROL OF NATURE TO PARTNERSHIP, 4).

Merchant argues that scientific discourse about nature codified the gender of nature as a female to be exploited, inviting abusive interrogation much in the same way as a torture victim on trial for witchcraft; her link between women’s persecution and the ramping-up of the exploitation of nature is echoed by socialist ecofeminists such as philosopher Val Plumwood in articulating the fundamentally misogynist underpinnings of a rationalist economics system that glorifies a separation of (masculine) intellectual reason from denigrated (feminine) bodily situatedness. Thus developed a scientific ethic that saw no problem with manipulation and use of the earth to satisfy scientific curiosity and capitalist gain within a patriarchal system of society.

Still with me? The female-nature connection in western culture is actually a lot older than 17th century, but before the industrial revolution there was emphasis on the mystery and power of nature and the life-giving capacity of women, which inspired respect or, at least, fond feelings for a “Mother Nature”. This crops up a lot in a lot of fantasy narratives, by the way, since most of them are set in a pre-industrialized past and also in some post-apocalyptic sf that assumes a catastrophe of some sort will set humanity back a millennia or two and with it will come this older worldview. Merchant argues that this older attitude served as a “cultural constraint” on the actions of human beings, since “[o]ne does not readily slay a mother, dig into her entrails for gold or mutilate her body” (Death 3). The advent of the industrial era and of scientific inquiry was made possible not just by advances in technology but in a philosophical shift in attitude to view feminine nature as inviting—and deserving—of violation by scientific and technological enterprises - which were, of course, male-coded.

Feminist critiques of (old) feminist fantasies

These two different attitudes - let’s call them the science fiction (post-17th century) and fantasy (pre-17th century) attitudes - aren’t as different as they might seem at first glance. Both adhere to an essentialist logic that is hierarchical, valuing “masculine civilization/culture” as inherently superior to “feminine nature.” I’m just going to mostly quote my thesis in the next two paragraphs here:

Essentialism understands “the feminine” as a repository of unchanging truths, determining substances, and ground of being, quite literally: it holds the historical European cultural conflation of women and nature as truth, and radical feminist political thought (and many feminist utopian fantasies) of the 1970s leaned into this binary, but flipped the moral hierarchy. Publications such as Mary Daly’s Gyn/Ecology: The Metaethics of Radical Feminism (1978) and Starhawk’s The Spiral Dance (1979), for example, embraced the identification of non-human nature and the feminine, celebrating the power of chthonic forces, the moon, fertility, and historical goddess worship. Radical, goddess, and other essentialist feminisms drew on deep ecology, following the same binary logic as Francis Bacon did, but reversing the moral weighting, holding the “male” forces of civilization, culture, and science as bad, or at least incredibly sus, given their collaboration with/outright endorsement of the systematic oppression/torture of women and the earth, if not the very reason for women’s suffering. Ciswomen’s bodies, traditionally the reason for their exclusion from cismale-only spiritual and intellectual spheres, were instead celebrated by some feminists as the ground of human life and part of the mystery of creation itself. ***

Feminist community based on an essentialist notion of cisfemale experience was and is a fantasy that, in addition to being violently exclusionary to trans and genderqueer persons and invested in creating and maintaining a distance between ciswomen and all others, at base replicates the same power structures that fuel patriarchal ideology, only with the values reversed. There is still a hierarchy in place, a flipped version of the fantasy attitude: there is the same conflation of women with nature and its consequent essentialist logic. Female empowerment is crucial to the realization of women’s full humanity, but its celebration at the expense of others leads directly to an ideology of exclusion, perpetuating the structures of oppression that make it necessary for female empowerment in the first place.

For example, some questions that bubble up when I encounter certain stories ask things like, Is this lady knight actually a strong female character, or a vehicle for a male power fantasy with a ciswoman subbed in and nothing else changed? Is this story about a witch/sorceress/magick-user main character really compelling, or is it subject to tropes from both the science fiction and fantasy attitudes, so she is either an evil conniving force to be subjugated (or romanced, depending on flavour) or a mystical feminine cipher in touch with the natural world…. or both? Both happens a lot.

In my thesis, I have a whole paragraph following those paragraphs on essentialism to disclaim that I’m not dissing the enormous contributions of many writers to fantasy whose works completely upended the hierarchical gender binary, boldly challenged gender roles, and stomped all around a genre that up until the ‘70s was almost exclusively made up of male writers. I’m convinced that we’re politically and socioculturally in those authors’ debt! I’m just skeptical of the fantasy genre because of the abovementioned history of the fantasy attitude. In my view, it takes an author who has an attitude (fantasy OR science fiction) that is consciously disloyal to its own roots in essentialist, sexist nonsense to write a narrative that isn’t fundamentally regressive.

Moar, tho…

It’s nice to fantasize about a world where the people whose gender that we identify with are pedestalized, taken care of, comforted, respected, given the benefit of the doubt, empowered, etc. Especially in this day and age when the demands of neoliberalism and late-stage capitalism pile up into an exhausting, overwhelming, threatening force against which it feels impossible to stand alone. Escaping into a world where powerful women are actually respected and can make tangible change in the world (through politics, or magic, or swinging a big sword around) is pretty great.

But it’s not wrong to demand more of our narratives. It’s not wrong to be critical of something that you love (I often joke that it’s the things that I love most that get the most harsh criticism). It’s not wrong to ask that the stories that I read articulate a non-binary, non-hierarchical society that people of all genders can move freely in, instead of being expected to act a certain way (and punished if they don’t perfectly conform).***** Flipping the gender hierarchy just isn’t enough anymore and isn’t even all that feminist, in the end.

In any case, I can highly recommend the work of CJ Cherryh; I think even thirty-five-odd years on, it still holds up because of the way she writes her characters, regardless of gender or age, as human beings and not essentialist tropes. I’m not surprised she won the Hugo, multiple times. She seems to have an underlying philosophy that values humans for who they are, not who they are supposed to be dependent on their predetermined roles in society.

What are some fantasy novels you would recommend? I’m not a huge short-story reader, and I’m a fan of wordplay and have spent the last eight years or so thinking about novels written by and for people living in the 1950s-80s. I need some good contemporary stuff! Or perhaps there are classics I am missing out on? Let me know in the comments!

PS: I’m indebted to the works of Donna Haraway, Celia Åsberg, Myra Hird, Helen Merrick, Élisabeth Vonarburg, Joanna Russ, Carolyn Merchant, Lisa Hogeland, and way too many others to list for influencing the direction of my ruminations here. Any issues are a result of my taking research on historical Canadian SF and bending it to apply to fantasy. ___

*They aren’t the same. It’s akin to assuming all Jewish people are Zionists. One is an identity category, the other a political one.

**Caveat: I’m not saying authors of sff sit down and are like “ah yes what issue griefing me right now am i going to put into this book” - it’s usually a subconscious thing. Sometimes authors do that! But it’s rare.

***Again, they aren’t the same: I’m not a scholar of fantasy, merely an observant fan who has a bit of a scholarly background in another genre literature.

**** This attitude is alive and well today in the politics of trans-exclusive radical feminists (TERFs), a subgroup of radical feminists whose reification of biological essentialism leads them to deny trans peoples’ identities. Fuck TERFs. Their philosophical worldview is warped.

******It’s also not wrong to love something even though it’s Problematic (tm), or just want to turn your brain off with a fluffy read. So long as you’re self-aware.