#gonna have to get back out there next week and find a trade or something to get some more with

[wavebiders]

it's wednesday!!!

Cassie sighting in Wonder Woman❤️

[transformation4life]

Big Ol' Gains

(Trade with: @bigwishes)

I never understood why my body just wouldn't grow. I've been going to the gym for months now and my body hasn't reflect that at all! My chest is flat, no abs to be seen, and twigs for arms! It's just not fair. I see the big guys around my local gym and I get so jealous... But that changes today! I found something that will most definitely change that. It's called... "Big Ol' Protein". I found an ad for it that promised results or my money back and I couldn't resist guaranteed gains. I even paid for express shipping so it arrived before my next workout. i waited patiently by the door until i heard a bell ring and the box arrived. I was so giddy that I unboxed it and looked at it in awe. The first thing in the box was some sort of warning and side effects of using the protein but like I care! I make a shake and put it in the fridge for tomorrow. I'm gonna get some gains!

The next morning I wake up bright and early and grab my workout bad along with my shake arriving at the gym soon after and dousing the shake in one sitting before getting on with my routine. Compared to my last gym session this time it felt amazing! Maybe this stuff actually worked! I was dripping in sweat and felt like I had the best pump of my life. I looked down and it looked like I've gained some bulk! It worked! I just need to consume more of this stuff and I'm set.

One week later...

God, this stuff really works... I've gained so much bulk in just a week. I even took a selfie to commemorate. The first I've taken since I've started working out!

I wasn't expecting to start growing facial hair but maybe it's the extra testosterone in my veins and I'm definitely not complaining. I could even fear my rear and "down there" growing... For the first time other gym goers have asked ME for advice and even seasoned gym goers want to talk to me! My life is finally coming around! Although I still need to get bigger... I'm not done yet...

Three weeks later...

I can't get enough of Big Ol' protein I've started putting it in my food and day to day drinks. A meal without Big Ol' protein is a meal not worth eating. I've gotten some friends who want to bulk up just like me and are happy to take progress photos for me. Don't I look even huger than last time?

Every part of my body has bulked immensely since I started. Just looking at anything is euphoric. My legs are like two thick trunks of pure beef.

Some of my workout buddies are getting concerned with how much Big Ol' protein I've been consuming, but they just don't understand the grind of getting big. My rear has also blossomed into two bouncy balloons of pure muscle. I can't help but give 'em a squeeze.

With that mind however I must do whatever it takes to get big. Nothing else matters. I must get bigger... I need to get BIGGER.

Three months later...

It's been so long since Big Ol' Protein changed my life. All my clothes are getting too small for and I couldn't be happier to find that out. I live, breathe, and of course eat Big Ol' Protein. Testosterone is flowing through my veins and it's exhilarating. I don't care if I'm addicted I love it almost as much as my gains. I'm even sponsored by the company now it's great! My workout buddies look at me in awe now and I'm basically the kind of my gym now. People fawn over to me asking for advice. All I say is start consuming Big Ol' protein. God I love my big Bulking body more than anything, but I'm not done. I will never will be done. I need to get bigger and bigger and bigger and bigger. And also a flex wouldn't hurt.

"Fuck yeah look at those biceps..."

[13uswntimagines]

Eras of Us- Era 3: Ugh Oh, I'm Falling in Love (Taylor Swift X Morgan!Reader)

Eras of Us master list

This is the Era where they're falling in love, learning more about each other, and how to navigate their relationships with their friends and families.

warning- Sexual content in this chapter.

Author's note: Hey everyone, i'm so sorry this took so long. theres just a lot of stuff in this chapter that i really wanted to get right. I hope you enjoy it! let me know what you think. comments are literally my favorite thing.

February 2017 'Cause you could be the one that I love I could be the one that you dream of

As it turned out, being Taylor’s girlfriend was far easier than you imagined it would be. It wasn’t all that much different than when the two of you were just friends, actually. 

You two still texted continuously, now each message was dotted with a heart or a little kiss. You two still talked on the phone all of the time, though you had developed a bad habit of falling asleep on late-night calls with her. 

The only thing that had really changed was that now the photos you sent her were slightly more… suggestive on purpose. 

And now you actually got to kiss her, which was fun, except you had barely seen her since you two started dating. 

Between the holidays and dealing with your shitty agent about yet another fucked up trade, you hadn’t had time to fly to her, and she had been tied up with her family and recording her new album to fly to you. But the two of you made due (ie falling asleep on the phone with her nearly every night). 

It still sucked you wouldn’t get to see her until after January camp. At least you only had 1 more game to play in. 

“Hurry up you two,” Rose called over her shoulder, idly swinging Emily’s hand next to her. 

You groaned, adjusting your grip on Mal’s legs as her arms squeezed more tightly around your neck. “It’s not my fault this koala demanded a piggyback ride,” 

Mal had been insanely clingy since the start of camp, draping herself all over you at every opportunity. It wasn’t something you noticed at first, but it had become so constant, that it was beginning to grate on your patience. 

Especially after she interrupted you every time you tried to talk to Taylor. The only moment you had gotten alone was at 3 am, and you had been too drowsy to do more than stare at her. 

“I’m not that heavy ducky,” Mal hugged, pinching your ear. 

“No, but it’s been like 2 miles,” You huffed, tilting your head away from her, and picking up your pace so you were even with Rose and Emily. 

Emily rolled her eyes at you. “And whose fault is that?” 

You shrugged as much as you could with Mal on your back. “Cheney said they have the best mochas,”

“And it’ll make it very hard for Alex to beat you this week,” Rose snorted, gesturing towards the shiny watch on your wrist. “If you’re gonna make us take a hike to a coffee shop, you should at least be honest with why we’re taking it,” 

“She should be more active in her rest time,” You said, earning another eye roll as the four of you finally made it to the cafe Cheney had mentioned when you talked to her over the holidays. 

It was just a bonus that Alex would need to find 4 extra exercise miles to match you in her stupid little app. It’s what she had done to you with Kelley’s family’s stupid 10 mile Christmas morning hike after all. You had to go on a beach run to make up for it. 

“Or maybe you should be less competitive,” Emily grumbled, holding the door open for you and Mal to walk through. Her gaze stayed glued out the door even after you stepped through. 

You rolled your eyes. “And what fun would that be?” 

You dropped Mal’s legs as you got in line next to Rose, and she landed on her feet, but she didn’t let go of your neck like you had hoped she would.

“We would be behind in the practice scrimmages against the vets too,” You added as you turned your attention to the menu above the cashier. 

There weren’t any… normal drinks. They all had fancy names, so you had to read the description to figure out what the fuck it was. You sighed internally, deciding that you absolutely shouldn’t have listened to Cheney, because long complicated descriptions like delectable dark roast, mixed with Dutch hand-made chocolate ganache, and essence of citrus aurantium topped with creamy dreamy whipped cream and powdered orange blossoms: written out in small, tight together cursive was going to take you forever to decipher. 

Especially with the way all the L’s and E’s kept flipping places, and how Mal kept shifting your entire body each time she moved. 

You were going to have a headache by the time you actually made it through the menu. 

“Ok, those guys are totally following us,” 

You blinked in the direction of Emily’s voice, and away from the migraine-inducing menu. You followed her hand to where she was pointing at two men wearing aviators sitting at a stable near the back of the café. 

The one facing you was older, with dark salt and pepper hair, wearing a leather jacket, while the other was younger and blonde with his back to you. 

It made you roll your eyes again. 

Tony and Zach had been your shadows since you and Taylor started dating. You saw them outside your apartment building in Chicago, and ran into them everywhere you went, even when you attended a Bears game against the Chiefs. 

You could tell that they were trying to be discrete since you had brought up the issue with Taylor the first week you noticed them, but it was still annoying that she wouldn’t budge on her stance. 

“I’ll take care of it,” You grumbled, carefully untangling yourself from Mal’s grasp, ignoring the high-pitched whine she let out at being displaced. “Just order me the closest thing to a mocha please,” 

At least now you didn’t have to read the menu. 

You ignored the feeling of their eyes on your back as you walked up to the table your two bodyguards were sitting at, knocking on the wood when you were close enough. “I thought I made it clear that I don’t need a babysitter,”

“I prefer the term watchman,” Tony hummed, barely even looking at you. 

Zach nodded. “Watchmen is a much better term,” 

You glared at the blonde man, before turning back to Tony. “I prefer that you don’t follow me around and creep out my friends,” 

Tony paused, lifting a finger to shift his aviators down to the end of his nose so he could peer at you over the rim of them. “We’ll try to be more discreet,” 

You shook your head. “No. You will stop following me,” 

“Can’t. Bosses orders,” Tony shrugged, readjusting his aviators back over his eyes. “And frankly, the team doesn’t have enough security,” 

Your glare deepened. “Because no one knows who the fuck we are,” 

“Still, I shouldn’t have been able to get your room number from the front desk receptionist,” He countered. “or have Zach get into the changing room at the practice field,”

“Normal people don’t do that shit,” You grit back.

His point proved nothing. 

No fan was trying to sneak into your locker room to leave notes in your cubby and no other people had interest in your room number. 

Sure, the note and the peanut butter cookies Taylor had delivered to your room were cool, but two men staking out every place you went certainly was not. Not when Emily wouldn’t shut up about your mysterious friend being in the mob because now you had people following you. 

She couldn’t give up on the angle, going so far that even Mal was annoyed with her. 

You had been annoyed 5 weeks ago when she brought the idea up for the first time during New Year's when she spotted them after you came out of a fried chicken place in Atlanta. 

Tony sighed, fixing his leather jacket.“If you're really insistent about this, you know who you need to take it up with. Otherwise, I think Ms. Sonnett, Ms. Pugh, and Ms. Lavelle have finished ordering,” 

It irritated you that he always referred to your friends so formally, even if he had never met them. 

“I will,” You grit out, already pulling your phone out of your pocket. “Because you two are ridiculous,” 

Tony made a face, dipping his aviators to peer at you again. “And Taylor is ridiculous for caring about your safety?”

You opened and closed your mouth several times. That wasn’t fair. 

Tony slid his glasses back into place as a waitress brought them 2 coffees. 

Your jaw clenched and you didn’t your best not to glare at the smug way he sipped the steaming glass. You hadn’t even seen them order. 

“Your friends have chosen a table,” He hummed, tilting his head to where Emily, Mal, and Rose were all staring at you with wide eyes. 

“This isn’t the end of this conversation,” You muttered, grabbing one of the 3 chocolate chip cookies that had been delivered with their coffee. 

“We will try to be more discreet,” Zach said, passing you a napkin. 

You took a bite of your cookie. “You better,” 

“We’ll do our best,” Tony chuckled, gesturing towards your friends with his chin again. “Go enjoy your overly fancy coffee,”

You made a low noise, turning on your heel and heading back over to your friends, who were overtly staring at the men now. 

“You’re in the mob right?” Emily asked before you were even fully seated in the chair next to Mal. 

You didn’t reply, instead breaking the cookie into 3 and passing the larger part to Rose for her and Emily to share and the other to Mal, who was already wrapping herself around you again. 

“Emily stop,” The forward whined loudly in your ear as she took the cookie. 

“Oh come on, just answer the question,” Emily said, her lips pulling into a teasing grin. “it’s totally obvious,”

“I’m not in the mob,” You grumbled, taking a sip of your coffee and frowning. 

You liked mochas, they were your go-to order, but this one had caramel in it, and was far too sweet. You would drink it anyway though, because one of your friends had paid for it. 

Rose leaned forward in her chair, resting crossed arms on the table in front of her conspiratorially. “Then why was our coffee already paid for?”

You frowned, your cup hitting the table with a low thud. “What?”

“I gave them my name and she said someone had already paid for us,” Rose said, her voice low. 

Your eyebrows pulled more tightly together. “Who?”

“Someone named Athena,” Rose wiggled her eyebrows at you, and you rolled your eyes. 

It had been Taylor. Of course, it was her, she had even sent the goons she had following you coffees and an extra cookie. 

Of course that was the name Taylor used. 

She had been making fun of her nickname since she found out that it was her contact name in her phone, and you blushed through your explanation that she was a goddess and the smartest person you knew. 

“See, totally a mob boss name,” Emily said accusingly, gesturing wildly with her hands. “who else would call themselves Athena,”

You were afraid that if you rolled your eyes again they would fall out of your head, so you refrained. 

No matter how good it would have felt. 

You pulled away from Mal and wrestled your phone out of your pocket. You flipped to your messages, ignoring the one aptly named Athena for now, opening the thread you shared with Alex to get it to stop buzzing. 

Alexandria🐬: Did you have to walk to a coffee shop across the city? Haven’t you ever heard of an Uber?

MiniMorgs: Wanted to get some fresh air, and Cheney recommended it

Alexandria🐬: More like you wanted to win this week’s challenge. Was it worth the walk?

MiniMorgs: I didn’t have to read the overly complicated menu, so yes. #dyslexic problems

Alexandria🐬: LoL. Maybe we should get you yellow-tinted glasses to help with that

MiniMorgs: Whatever. Good luck catching up on miles

Alexandria🐬:🖕🏻

Another coffee cup landed in front of you with a clink, and you blinked up from your phone at the waitress. 

You frowned up at her. “Ugh, thanks?” 

You hadn’t ordered another coffee. 

“The person who paid for your order also asked us to make an extra mocha, no caramel, no whipped cream, and no sweetening syrup,” The young girl explained quickly, her hands fidgeting in front of her. “it also comes with a heart and a little winky face,” 

“Oh, thanks,” You sent her a genuine smile, the dimple on your left cheek poking out just a bit. 

She blushed.

“No problem,” she said, turning away from you and your friends very quickly before practically running back to the counter. 

You didn’t watch her as she left, instead sipping your new coffee and sighing in content. 

It was exactly what you wanted. The perfect cup of coffee if you did say so yourself. 

You glanced back down at your phone, flipping through your messages to the one labeled Athena👸🏼

Thanks for the coffee. It’s much better than the sugary shit Emily ordered.

“Do you have to flirt with every woman you see?” Mal scoffed, placing more of her weight on you as she draped her arms over your shoulders. 

You grunted, slipping your phone in your pocket and adjusting in your seat so she didn’t knock you over. “I wasn’t flirting, I was just being nice,” 

You practically felt her roll her eyes as Emily snorted across from you. 

“What? I was!” You bit out, your voice dripping in incredulity. 

“You used the smile you use when you’re trying to get into someone’s pants,” Mal hummed, her lips caressing the shell of your ear as her hand dipped its way under the hem of your Alexia Putellas Barça jersey.  “I would know,” 

You jerked away from her, nearly spilling your coffee. Your chair squeaked as you pushed away, creating space between the two of you. 

You didn’t want her touching you. 

Not like you had in the past. 

There was a time when you craved her touch. Where you twisted yourself into knots to be worthy of her affection. 

You allowed yourself to get closer to her than you had to anyone else, and in the end she had decided that you still weren’t good enough. 

She decided that you would never be good enough for her. Not like Dansby was. But even after that you had pined after every little scrap of care she sent you, and you allowed yourself to believe that it was all you deserved. 

That it was real.

Even in your short time with Taylor, you knew that real was something very different.  She didn’t make you feel like you were always making up for something. Like you had to earn her care. 

She made you feel worthy and had butterflies flapping in your chest. She made you feel seen, even before you were together, and you wouldn’t do anything to put that in jeopardy. 

“Whoa, easy there,” Emily chuckled. “Didn't think you were so sensitive to the mention of your history,” 

You shifted uncomfortably, fixing the edge of your jersey. 

“Just tickled me,” You muttered, taking another sip of your coffee as Mal didn’t even hesitate to wrapped herself around you again. 

You ignored the knowing look Rose sent you, and cleared your throat. “We should probably head back though. Think you can walk on your own this time?” 

You gently elbowed Mal, sending Emily a cheeky grin when she wiggled her eyebrows. 

Mal sighed heavily, her lips returning to near your ear. “I don’t think so. I think I still need a piggyback,”

You huffed at her pouted words, shoving your extra coffee cup into her hands as you stood. “You have to carry the cups though,” 

“Deal!” She cheered, already trying to climb on your back. 

You didn’t have the heart (or the stomach) to tell her that you didn’t want to carry her back. You couldn’t when it made her light up so much. 

“You’re such a pushover,” Rose muttered as she held the café door open for you. 

You shrugged as much as you could with Mal on your back.

You were a people pleaser to your core, and you couldn’t help that. Mal was your friend and you liked to make her happy. 

Taylor would understand. 

*****

You were sweating your ass off by the time you made it back to the team hotel, and your legs felt like you had just played 90 minutes. 

You supposed walking 4 miles with a fully grown forward on your back would do that to you, and the detours Emily kept taking because of the “Mob Guys” following you made the journey more like 6. Dawn was not going to be pleased, and you felt like you needed a recovery day to recover from your recovery day. 

You dropped Mal’s legs as you stepped into the welcome AC of the lobby, ignoring her yelp at the move. 

“I’m done being your pack Mule,” You muttered, breathing hard. “Use your own damn legs,”

“Not a mule. A graceful stallion,” Mal hummed, leaning in and placing a kiss on your cheek before she skipped off. “Thanks for the ride,” 

She missed your eye roll.  But Kelley didn’t. “Coming on a bit strong, isn't she?” 

You blinked at Kelley, pulling your sunglasses up to rest in your wavy curls, taking in the way she was shifting awkwardly from foot to foot. “Don’t they always?” 

“You didn't have a friends-with-benefits relationship with most of the people who hit on you,” Kelley shrugged. 

You made a sound low in your throat, scratching the back of your neck. “I’m not interested in continuing that,” 

You didn’t know she knew about that.

“I know,” Kelley nodded, her hand landing warm and grounding on your shoulder. “You’re interested in burrito girl,” 

You hummed. 

You were more than just interested in Taylor, and Kelley knew that. She had been getting regular updates after she talked you off the ledge the morning after, and it was kinda nice to get to share with someone. 

Kelley shifted again, and you scratched harder at the back of your neck as a very uncomfortable silence settled over you. 

“I didn’t bring you coffee,” You said, finally looking at her. 

Your eyebrows pulled tightly together. She was spinning the ring on her forefinger more rapidly than you had ever seen, and shifting like she was… nervous. 

“I know,” She said, her eyes flicking up to meet your blue before rapidly looking away. “Can we chat though?” 

You frowned. “What’s up?” 

Kelley bit her lip and led you over to an isolated meeting room, closing the door behind you. 

She took a steadying breath like she was stealing herself as she turned to look at you. “I’m going to ask your sister to marry me,” 

You stared at her, your mouth dropping open at her words. 

She was going to ask your sister to marry her. 

Her and Alex were going to get married. 

But weren’t they practically married already? They had been together since you were 10. They lived together, had 2 dogs and were actively looking for a team to transfer to together. 

You shouldn’t have been surprised, but you were.  So you did what you always did when you were caught off guard. 

You painted a playful smirk on your face, wiggling your eyebrows. “Alex right? Because I don’t think Jen or Jerry will react well,” 

Kelley sighed. “I’m being serious. We’ve been together for almost 7 years. I love her,” 

You raised an eyebrow at her, your smirk melting a little. “Ok, and?” 

She spun her ring a little faster. “I’m not asking your permission, but-“

“You want my blessing or some shit?” You cut her off, your eyebrows furrowing impossibly deeper. “Jesus Kell, her and I haven’t had a proper conversation since I was like 12. My opinion doesn’t matter,”

You actively avoided conversations with your sister. She barely knew anything about the adult version of yourself. 

There was no way she could care what you thought about her marrying Kelley. 

Kelley shook her head, closing the distance between you and catching your hand. “I think your opinion is one of the only ones she cares about,” 

Her voice went very soft, and you swallowed hard. You weren’t at a place to consider what she meant. You couldn't deal with all of the baggage that came with the implications. 

Yes, you were fairly content to interact with her through the stupid app the two of you competed on, but that was nothing deeper than just that. A competition. 

It didn’t mean anything. Not like Kelley was assuming it meant. 

You shook your head, swallowing down your feelings and locking them into a little box in the center of your chest. 

“She might be my sister, but I’ll kick her ass if she hurts you. Or says no, even though she’s not going to say no. She loves you. I guess I’ll kick your ass too if you hurt her so don’t,” You said softly, drawing up the courage to meet Kelley’s eyes again. 

A brilliant smile broke across her face, and her eyes lit up like the two of you had just won the World Cup. “I promise I won’t kid,” 

“Good,” You ran a hand through your hair, sucking in a long breath through your nose. “Is there anything else?”

“Don’t you want to know how I’m going to do it?” Kelley asked, her eyebrows furrowing. 

Your shoulders lifted and fell. 

Maybe a part of you cared about whatever romantic thing Kelley had planned for her, but the larger part just… wasn’t interested.  It wasn’t like you were involved in Alex’s life. You didn’t get to see the ins and outs of her relationship with Kelley, and that was your own choice. If you got too close, you knew you would get hurt. 

You had before anyway. 

“As long as it’s not during or directly after sex, I think it’ll be fine,” You huffed out, covering your wavering curiosity. 

Kelley rolled her eyes. “I’m going to do it when we go to New York. I have a reservation for the top of the Empire State Building,”

“That’ll be pretty,” You hummed, your voice going soft. 

You knew how much your older sister loved city lights. It was nearly as much as she loved to look at the stars. 

When the two of you were young, you would sit on the roof outside of her window for hours staring at the sky, naming the constellations. It was what got you so into Greek mythology after all. You wondered if she still remembered all of the stories. 

“She loves the lights,” Kelley agreed, watching you carefully. “We’re going to have dinner after. Jen and Jerrie will be there,” 

You nodded. “I’ll be there too,” 

“Excellent,” Kelley’s smile just got wider. 

“Yeah,” You said, trailing off and looking towards the door. “I told Alyssa I’d watch film with her before the game tomorrow, so are we done?” 

Kelley chuckled, not at all surprised that you wanted to escape this conversation. “Wouldn’t want to keep the head of the Department of Defense waiting,” 

You always pulled away when your family was mentioned, and that habit was only magnified when emotions were also involved. 

“Nope,” You muttered, practically running towards the door. 

She wished things were different.

Alex was making the steps to bridge the gap in your relationship, and for the first time in a long time, you seemed willing to meet her halfway.  Neither of them were sure exactly what had caused the rift, or why you had always been so… reluctant to let her fix it. Or to talk about it in general.

She hoped that the little steps would actually lead to something this time.  She hoped that you would let your walls down. She hoped that you would actually let yourself be happy. 

*****

Rain pounded down around you as you tracked the ball across midfield. 

Games like this were your favorite. 

The USWNT was up by 4 and there was only 30 seconds of stoppage time left. You had a goal and 2 assists and you had played incredibly well. It was 75 degrees so the rain was like the mist from a shower, warm and comfortable. 

It let you take your mind off of the stupid phone call that had come just before you loaded up the bus to head to the stadium. It drowned out Roary Dame’s voice explaining that you were a great play, just not what they needed. 

Explaining that he had put your name in the trading block for the highest draft pick they could get. So they could finally have their star striker because you were the wrong Morgan for that. 

This game made you feel… good. It made you feel powerful. 

You smiled at Sam as she came to a stop beside you. 

Alex and Mal were getting ready to take a time-wasting corner to end the game, and you and Sam were just there in case Jamaica got a counter opportunity. 

“Emily says you’re in the mob now,” She said conversationally. “And that you have two huge dudes following you around,” 

You rolled your eyes. “I’m not in the mob,” 

“But you do have 2 dudes following you,” She asked, tilting her head to the mouth of the tunnel where Zach and Tony were huddled under an umbrella. 

They were right, it was kinda scary how far they could get without any real security clearance. They shouldn’t have been able to get into the stadium, much less on the field, but here they were. 

“I have a very overprotective friend,” You muttered as the ref blew the signature three whistles to signal the end of the game. You paused before you ran off.

Taylor wasn’t your friend, she was something much much more. You didn’t feel right calling her a friend. 

You turned back to Sam, scratching the wet hairs off the back of your neck. “Well, a very protective more than a friend,” 

A smile broke across her features, and you couldn’t help but match it.  “Don’t mention that to anyone though,” You added, suddenly nervous that she would tell the team, and then the rumor mill would start.

You weren’t ready to answer questions about Taylor yet. Or to listen to your teammates tease you. You also didn’t want to share her yet. 

Sam winked at you. “Your secret is safe with me,” 

“Thanks,” You said, heading towards the tunnel, pausing at a young girl waving a soaked-through Morgan sign a few feet away from the tunnel. 

You could see a big 13 painted on the sign, so you knew it wasn’t meant for you, but still it was your name too. 

“Hey, I like your sign,” You hummed, flashing the girl a million-dollar smile, ignoring the phones pointed in your direction. “Even if it has the wrong number on it,” 

The girl blushed deeply. “I like you too. I just wasn’t sure what number you would be wearing,” 

It was a good excuse, you thought. Or it would have been over a year ago before you made the switch to number 12. 

You hated when they pretended to give a shit about you just because you were the one standing in front of them. You knew the only Morgan they really cared about was your sister, and you wished they would just own it. 

“Well thank ya,” You winked, ignoring her little lie. “I know it’s just because she’s a striker. Everyone loves a good goal scorer,” 

The red in the girl's cheeks got even more pronounced, and your grin turned slightly wolfish. She didn’t hear the bitter note in your voice. 

Everyone wanted the star striker, something you would never be. 

“Do you have something you want me to sign?” 

The girl shook her head, looking at her friend who also shook her head. The girl looked back at you, biting her lip. 

“Can I get your jersey?” She asked hesitantly, and your smirk only got wider. 

“I think I can do one better,” You said, turning back towards the field. Your eyes roved over the players until you found the one you were looking for. 

“Hey Al,” You called out, cupping your hands over your face to amplify the sound. 

Her head snapped in your direction, and you waved her over. You tried not to let it bother you that the girl's squeals got so much louder as she jogged over, a questioning smile on her face. 

“What’s up?” She asked as soon as she was close enough, and you could hear the slight surprise in her voice. It was one of the first times you had actually spoken to her since last camp.

You tilted your head towards the fans beside you. “You’ve got a fan and you owe me because I beat you 5 weeks in a row,” 

“And?” She raised an eyebrow at you. 

“I’m cashing in,” You said, again tilting your head towards the fans. “She would like your jersey,” 

Alex never took her eyes off of you as she stripped off her soaked-through jersey, and passed it to the girl. It was like she was trying to figure out what you were thinking.  But she had lost the ability to read your mind years ago. 

“Thanks,” You said, flashing her a grin and turning back towards the girl. “Now you’ve got the jersey you actually want,” 

Alex’s lips pulled downward at the sarcasm in your tone, hidden by false cheeriness. It was the same tone you used when something was annoying you, but you didn’t know how (or have the courage) to vocalize it. 

“Oh my god, thank you!” The girl cheered, looking at Alex instead of at you. 

“Both of you,” She added quickly when Alex raised an eyebrow at her. 

You waved her off, throwing a “No worries,” over your shoulder as you headed towards the tunnel to get out of the rain. 

Alex waved at the girls too, sending them a smile before jogging off after you. There was something so… off about that interaction, and she wasn’t willing to let it go anymore. 

Her and Kelley had discussed it, and while she understood the defender's advice to not push you. To let you come to her, she was tired of waiting. 

The texting was nice, but it didn’t carry over to your real-life interactions and that was… frustrating. It wasn’t getting her anywhere. 

She caught your arm as you rounded the corner to the locker room, spinning you on the spot and stepping into your space so you were pinned against the cold concrete wall of the tunnel, unable to run away this time. 

“What the fuck was that all about?” She asked, keeping her voice level, even though the two of you were nose to nose. 

Your eyes flashed up to meet hers, identical blue boring into yours. It made you feel like she could see into your soul. Like you were naked in front of her.  You so badly wanted to look away but you couldn’t.

“She had a Morgan sign with a huge 13 on it, so I went to say hello,” You shrugged, trying to sound nonchalant, but Alex saw through it. “And they asked for a jersey, but I knew it wasn’t mine they wanted,”

There was something in your voice, in your posture that she couldn’t place. 

“But they asked you for it?” She pressed, and your eyes flicked away from her as you gave her a barely perceptible nod. 

“It would have been a consolation prize. They wanted yours,” You said, twisting your arm free and finally squeezing out from where you were trapped. “Everyone always wants yours,”

You muttered the last part under your breath as you tried to make your way down the hallway, but Alex heard you anyway. 

She again caught your arm before you could walk away, again spinning you around to face her. “What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

“Nothing Alex,” You grumbled, shaking your head and again breaking her hold on you. “Just drop it,”

“No. I will not drop it,” She bit back, not letting you walk away from her. “I’ve been dropping it since you were 10 and look where it’s gotten us. I can’t fix something if I don’t understand what’s wrong,” 

It was as if she let you leave. If she let you go before she understood you would be gone for good. You would lose the progress you had made. 

Your eyebrows furrowed in confusion. “Fix it?” 

What did Alex mean that she wanted to fix it? She didn’t have a Time Machine. 

“Yes. Fix it,” She said, fighting to keep her volume low and her tone even. You didn’t respond well to exasperation. “We were so close and now it’s like we can’t even stand each other. I don’t want us to be this tense for the rest of our lives,” 

You stared at her like she had 3 heads. There was nothing that she could do. No magic wand she could wave to change it. 

The world preferred her over you, and they probably always would. You had learned from the time you were small that you weren’t worth as much as Alex was. You were invisible when she was there. You accepted it. The only person who didn’t make you feel that way was Taylor.

You shook your head. “There is nothing to fix Alex. You can’t do anything. Now let me go,” 

Her face fell, and something broke in her eyes. It made your heart hurt, but it was the truth. 

You twisted your arm out of her grasp and turned on your heel heading into the locker room. Alex stared after you, something you said gnawing in her brain. 

Everyone always wants yours

It was nearly as bad as the “Now that everyone is watching you care. Now when it’s convenient” you gave her on the practice field in November. 

She wasn’t sure what had happened between the two of you, or why you were so… frustratingly stubborn about allowing her to build a bridge over the mile-wide gap between you. 

Your attitude shifting was also giving her whiplash. You seemed so… open over text. So willing to interact.  She didn’t know how to navigate it all, and it seemed that you weren’t at all willing to help her. 

“You good?” 

Alex jumped at Kelley’s voice in her ear and gentle hands on her shoulders. 

“No,” she shook her head, relaxing back into the defender's grasp. 

Kelley hummed, and placed a kiss just below her ear, soothing her. “What happened?”

“Y/n called me over to give a girl my jersey, and then told her that she had the one she actually wanted,” Alex explained, frustration evident in her voice. “and when I asked, she told me that everyone always wants mine,” 

“Al, we talked about this,” Kelley sighed, as your sister pulled away from her. 

“I know,” Alex grumbled running a frustrated hand through her soaked hair. 

They had many conversations about it. They both agreed that the best move was to take it slow. To let you dictate the pace, but neither of them expected you to be so… passive-aggressive. 

Not when you let people push you too far because you didn’t know how to set limits, or you just pretended like they didn’t exist. 

She didn’t know how to act when you went out of your way to interact with her and then tried to run away. 

“But we never accounted for this,” She gestured wildly towards the locker room door. “She called me over,” 

“And then you chased after her,” Kelley countered. “Because she told you a snippet of what’s bothering her that is supposed to make sense, but it doesn’t because you don’t have context. And you need to understand. I know,” 

“She said I can’t fix it, Kell,” Alex’s voice finally broke, and Kelley was quick to pull the striker into her chest as her shoulders shook. “What am I supposed to do?” 

Kelley closed her eyes, resting her cheek on the top of Alex’s head, holding her tightly. 

She could see it from your side. 

Alex had spent years unsure of how to bridge the ever-widening gap between you. You had spent years being compared to her, being crucified by the media for not being her, so it made sense for you to be wary. For you to try and protect yourself.  What didn’t make sense was the hot and cold way you were going about it. 

“I’ll talk to her,�� Kelley said, holding your sister together as she crumbled. “But we need to take this at her pace. And that means one step at a time,”

*****

Slipping out of the locker room undetected was far easier than you expected it to be, but then again you had retreated to the showers long before most of the team was even off of the field. You hadn’t been planning to escape, but when the text came through on your phone, it was a no-brainer. 

You smiled widely as you made the final turn down the tunnel, revealing Taylor leaning up against the large Visitors sign texting. “Fancy meeting you here, I thought you had album stuff,” 

“Heard you didn’t like my henchmen,” She smirked, pushing herself off the wall and meeting you halfway. “So I thought I’d come to check on you myself,”

You nearly fell with the force of the hug, burying your face in her neck and squeezing her tightly to you. “I don’t like the henchmen. I don’t need babysitters,”

She hummed, leaning back just enough to look you in the eyes and brushing your wet curls out of your eyes. “You don’t need babysitters, but you do need protection. Let me be a little overprotective of you,” 

You could feel her breath on your lips, and you couldn’t help but lean in and connect your mouths. Your hands slipped into the back pocket of her jeans and you squeezed lightly. 

It was slightly scary how addicted to her you were. How you craved her touch. 

She made a low sound in the back of her throat. One of her hands hooked into the hem of your sweats, and the other wove into the short curls at the back of your neck, pulling you tighter to her. 

You stumbled forward molding yourself to her, as the kiss changed. Her tongue slipped into your mouth, running against yours, and you could feel her desire. 

It didn’t surprise you. You knew what she wanted. What she expected. It was the same thing that every girl expected from you, so you just let it happen. 

You let her pull you into the closet (unsure of how it appeared out of thin air, or where her shirt had suddenly disappeared to), pushing her against the only wall not covered in athletic equipment, and pinning her there with your hips. 

Your lips dragged across her neck, and you longed to pull the velvety skin into your mouth. To place a mark, a claim out in the open where everyone could see. But you didn’t. 

You trailed down to her collarbone, skimming your teeth along it as your hand slid into her pants, past her underwear, and through her warm wetness. 

You couldn’t help the smirk that graced your features. “Is this all for me?” 

“You’re hot when you play,” She keened as you teased at her entrance, gathering her slick on your middle finger. “And even hotter when you’re drenched and you kept pulling your shirt off to wipe the rain out of your eyes,” 

You hummed, tracing her lower lips and brushing your middle finger across her clit. Her hips jolted, knocking into your thigh and it reminded you of how players always fought you for ball possession. 

How they would press back into you while you tried to tap it through their legs. How they always bucked back to keep you from picking their pocket. 

Taylor’s head hit the wall, and you worked your lips back up her neck, lingering on the underside of her jaw. “Please y/n,”

You hummed, dragging your teeth along her chin, and slipping your finger inside. She was warm and tight, squeezing your fingers as you dragged them against her walls. 

Her hand tightened in the short curls at the base of your neck, while the other clawed at the bare skin of your shoulders. 

She tasted like sweat and rain, and something just so Taylor. 

It was like the sun on your face during the perfect practice, using your arm to wipe the sweat off your upper lip after you sank a ball past one of the keepers.  It was like your teammates pulling you into tight hugs, running their fingers through your hair after you scored on a scorching summer day, their hands slipping through yours as they headed back to their starting positions. 

She shuddered against you as you curled your fingers, finding the spongy patch inside of her, and you carefully ran your teeth across the special spot right below her ear. 

It made you feel… powerful to have her so on edge already.  Nearly as powerful as when you were 5 goals up on a team, or when a player couldn’t make it past you in midfield. 

“Y/n,” 

It was like playing with Mal, and how you knew where she was going to be before she moved, so you could pull the opposing players and set her up for a goal. 

Except it was better. It was what you imagined scoring in the World Cup would feel like. Or assisting in a goal. 

“Y/n,” Taylor panted, using the hand in your hair to tug you away from her neck. 

“What baby?” you asked, glassy eyes blinking blearily up at her as you again curled your fingers. 

Her head fell back and hit the wall with a thump.  “Oh my god,” She moaned low in her throat, fighting to get out whatever she was saying. She swallowed hard, her hands keeping you from continuing your ministrations. “The door,” 

As if on cue, three loud rasps sounded from the door just to your left. “I know you’re in there Y/n. We need to talk. Now,”

Your head fell forward and landed heavily on Taylor’s shoulder as you let out a groan at Kelley’s voice. “One second,”

Why did she always have to pick the wrong moment? 

You pulled back, meeting Taylor’s eyes. “Just stay here,” 

She nodded, sucking in a deep breath as you removed yourself from her, and ran your hand through your hair, trying to straighten your ever-messy curls. Your other hand fixed your rumpled shirt, and she frowned.  She could have sworn you took yours off when you devested her of hers. 

You opened the door just a crack, pushing your head out and glaring at Kelley. “What? I’m busy,”

Her eyebrows were pulled tightly together, a frown firmly set in her features. “What the fuck is wrong with you?”

You felt Taylor’s hand on the top of your back, warm and heavy, comforting in a way you weren’t sure you would ever really deserve. 

“A lot of things,” You grumbled, shifting so Kelley couldn’t get a good look inside the closet.  “I’ll need more information to give you a more defined answer,” 

Her eyes narrowed. “You told Alex that she couldn’t fix it between you,” 

“She can’t,” You shrugged. “Are we done?” 

“No,” Kelley bit back, her hand finding the door to prevent you from slamming it closed. “Not until you talk to your sister and fix this shit,” 

You were already shaking your head. “Talking is not something that Alex and I do,”

Kelley snorted. “But you’ll text,” 

You shrank a little at her tone. 

The texting was different. It was safer, more controlled. She wasn’t close enough to hurt you. You needed that distance. 

You felt a hand on your back, rubbing gentle circles at the point that always grew so tense when you were stressed. 

You let out a breath. “That’s different. We only text when one of us is winning,” 

“Is it?” Kelley pressed, unwilling to let it go.  “Because from the outside, it looks like you share more than just your exercise routine,” 

The hand grew more insistent, and you closed your eyes. “I don’t want to argue with you,”

You could understand why Kelley was upset. She was protective over the people she loved, and while you knew she cared for you, it was nothing compared to how much she loved your sister. She would always choose Alex over you. 

And that was ok. It would be weird if it wasn’t that way. 

“No, you just want to get back to your quick fuck,”

Kelley's mouth twisted around the words, and it felt like a knife slipping into your chest. 

You flushed red, and a hand caught the back of your collar as you jerked forward. “Don’t call her that,” 

You knew what your reputation was, but you never expected Kelley to try and use it against you. Taylor was far more than a quick fuck. You cared about her more than you cared about nearly anyone. 

his was why you hadn’t told Kelley yet. 

Kelley took a step back, sucking in a calming breath through her nose. “Look, all I’m saying is that you need to cut Alex some slack. It’s not fair for her with your hot and cold routine. You at least have to meet her halfway,” 

“I’m trying,” You sighed, running a hand through your wild curls. “What else do you want from me when my own team is fucking trading me because I’ll never be the striker that she is,”

Kelley frowned. “What?”

“Those kids said they didn’t know my number because it was new. I changed it over a year ago. They didn’t have anything for me to sign, because they didn’t want my signature. They wanted Alex. Everyone always wants Alex, and that’s not something she can fix,” You explained, your voice going soft and… honest. “I wasn’t being cruel. I was being honest,”

“Oh,” Kelley’s frown deepened, as your comment to Alex suddenly made sense. 

The fans had lied to you when you were already hurt from the trade. They made you feel more unwanted. 

“Yeah oh,” You said, running another hand through your hair. “We text when one of us is winning. That’s our relationship, so just leave it. Is there anything else?” 

Kelley shook her head and cleared her throat. “Bus leaves in 30,”

You painted a smirk across your features.

“Cool, I’ll see you in 29 then,” You said, as you slammed the door, and turned to lean against it. You slid down until you were seated, drawing your knees to your chest and letting your head fall against it with a low thump. “Fuck me,”

Why did Kelley always have to make things difficult?

Sure she was kinda right, but why did she have to remind you of that and get you to admit why you were upset? It was so infuriating that she wouldn’t let you keep her at arm's length. 

“I would but I don’t think that’ll help,” Taylor chuckled, settling down beside you, resting a hand on your knee. 

You groaned, blinking at her. You had nearly forgotten she was there. And that she was shirtless…“You’d be surprised. There’s something very… freeing about losing yourself in someone else,” 

There was something freeing in having all of a woman’s attention. Of you just being enough for them even if it was only for a moment. Of having something Alex never had, and of being in the only situation where you couldn’t be compared to her (though a few girls had mused about it afterward, it’s why you started skipping the after-cuddling). 

Taylor made a low noise, shaking her head. “I think talking will help you more in the long run,” 

You shrugged. You didn’t want to argue with her. 

“I’m sorry Kelley interrupted before you could…you know…” You blushed deeply, rubbing harder at the back of your neck. You couldn’t say the word orgasm. 

Taylor frowned, her thumb pausing on the inside of your knee. “Y/n,” 

You didn’t stop though. You didn’t let her ask you the hard question. 

“I’m surprised the goon squad didn’t stop them, especially since your goons are here too,”  You said, scratching your neck, and tugging off your sweatshirt by the hood. “Here,” 

You passed her the item, watching with rapt attention as she pulled it on, and her abs flexed.

“Jason is getting the car, and Tony is at the end of the hall,” She hummed, doing the button on her pants once your hoodie was on. “I don’t really like having an audience,”

You wiggled your eyebrows, painting a charming smile back on your face, even though it took too much effort. “And you assumed I’d jump you?”

It was slightly alarming how easily you locked your emotions away. How you could pretend like there wasn’t something bothering you when it had been so obvious just seconds before? 

It set off red flags in her brain because a talent like that wasn’t inherent. It was learned. 

“No,” She shook her head, deciding not to comment on how easily you flipped that switch. “I just knew how much I missed you,” 

Your mask fell slightly. “I missed you too,” 

You meant it. Being away from Taylor was harder than your pride would let you admit. 

You had never been so… taken with someone. So addicted to them. But she made you feel seen and safe. It made you want to spend every second with her, wrapped around her. 

“Can I take you to dinner?” She asked, squeezing your knee. 

You shrugged. “I have to go back to the team hotel first to do cool down and check-in,” 

“I can pick you up afterward,” Taylor suggested. 

“That sounds agreeable,” You nodded, your lips twisting into a devilish smirk. “But what are we going to do in the,” You looked at the time on your phone. “25 minutes we have before the bus leaves?”

Taylor matched your smirk, catching the front of your shirt and pulling you closer. “I can think of a few things,” 

OoOoOoO

March 2017

I, I loved you in spite of Deep fears that the world would divide us So, baby, can we dance  Oh, through an avalanche?

You didn’t particularly enjoy fancy restaurants. You didn’t particularly like most restaurants to begin with, but ones with a dress code always made you uncomfortable. Their menus always had a small font, and the white tablecloths never stayed white. 

The stuffy atmosphere usually lent itself to stuffy conversations, and it reminded you too much of business lunches or dinners with your parents to ever really enjoy yourself. 

You had learned over the years that your opinion didn’t really matter. That everything wasn’t about you. So you were fairly adept at painting a charming smile on and acting normal. 

It has worked for most of the night with your sisters and Kelley anyway. 

It was easy when Jen and Jerri were gushing over the new diamond ring on Alex’s finger. When they kept asking for every little detail of how Kelley proposed on top of the Empire State Building. 

And you played along, never speaking directly to Alex, but not being weird enough that anyone would notice.  You wouldn’t ruin this for her, or for Kelley. 

“You alright over there space cadet?” Jerri asked, nudging your shoulder and pulling your brain from where you were trying to decipher the tiny writing on the menu. 

You blinked up at the four women, realizing that they (and the waiter) were staring expectantly at you. “What?”

“Kell asked if you were ready to order,” Jen supplied patiently. 

You were just grateful that no one giggled, but you blushed anyway. 

You tried to cover it by snapping your menu closed. “Oh, yeah,”

Kelley blinked at you, gesturing towards the waitress. “What are you going to order?”

You felt the heat in your cheeks travel up to your ears, but still, you tried to play it off. “Oh, you guys can go first,”

Jerri shook her head, placing her hand gently on your arm. “We already have sweetheart,”

You frowned, squinting down at your closed menu. You had missed them ordering, and now you didn’t have time to try and decipher the hieroglyphic font the restaurant had chosen. Not that you would have been able to. 

The letters tended to go more haywire when you were stressed, and you would be damned before you asked someone to help you. Your jaw worked as you thought of what to say.  What could you say?

“You love chicken parm, and I heard it’s good here,” Alex said casually like it was normal to suggest food items after everyone else had already ordered. “or they have a very good salmon in pink sauce if you’re feeling something lighter,” 

Your eyes darted to her for the first time since you had sat down at the stable, and your jaw hung open. 

Alex intervening so seamlessly when you were struggling wasn’t something that had happened since she moved to Berkeley (you couldn’t help how you sneered the word in your head). 

Jerri nudged you again, and you cleared your throat, your eyes still glued to Alex. 

 “The salmon sounds good actually,” You mumbled, finally getting your voice to work. 

The waitress hummed, and you heard her little ticket book close. “I’ll go put that in,” 

You were sure that Kelley or Jen responded to the girl, but you didn’t look away from Alex. 

It was just so…not Alex of her. For her to have options ready and waiting meant that she had to have thought that you might have trouble. She had to have consciously decided to look for options that you would like too, and to have more than one so you actually got to choose. 

It meant that she cared. 

You swallowed very hard. That thought was too overwhelming. 

Now, at the dinner, after she just got engaged was not the time to contemplate if Alex even had the capability to care about you. It would again make the evening about you when it most certainly was not. 

You could feel the eyes of Kelley and your sisters, despite the way they restarted their conversation. It was like they were watching a car crash or a roller coaster derail. 

You felt like a spectacle. Like you were drawing attention when you absolutely should not be. It had alarm bells ringing in your ears. 

What would your parents say when they heard you had ruined your sister’s engagement dinner? 

It was like the walls were closing in, as the conversation at the table blended with the noise from the restaurant around you. It was suffocating. 

You didn’t think before you pushed yourself to your feet, nearly knocking over the chair behind you. 

“I’m gonna take a bathroom break,” You said, turning on your heel without waiting for a response, not that you would have registered it through the pounding in your ears. 

You needed to get away. 

To leave. 

To put space between you and this version of Alex that somehow gave a fuck about you. 

You bypassed the hallway that led to the restroom, knowing that someone would eventually find you there. You turned right, brushing past the hostess and out the glass doors into the city. 

The chilly air hit you like a gasping breath after being underwater for too long. Like water after a practice in Houston in July. 

You paused just outside the crystal doors, filling your lungs like you had been drowning. 

You knew you couldn’t stand there forever, blocking the entrance to Osteria Carlina, so you headed left, in the direction of your favorite hole-in-the-wall pizza place between Canal and Broadway. 

You didn't plan to eat there, but you thought that maybe the walk would help you clear your head, and you could be back in time to eat your overpriced salmon. Something about the smell of fresh sauce and baked cheese always made your thoughts clearer. 

It reminded you of when you were tiny and Alex would take you for pizza after your u6 games. It reminded you of riding on her shoulders on top of the world, even if none of the goals actually mattered. 

Even if you lost. 

You just needed a minute to not think, so you could go back and pretend like everything was fine. Like you didn’t feel entirely out of place with your sisters and Kelley. And you knew that the sounds of the city and the familiar comfort would do that. 

You could already feel your airway opening, but you reached up and undid the top two buttons of your shirt anyway as though it would help. It was all in your head anyway. 

It was always all in your head. 

You ran a hand through your hair, your nose scrunching involuntarily at the sticky gel you had used to keep your curls in place. You had forgotten your normal wax in Chicago, and the CVS near your hotel wanted 15$ for it. 

You wanted to look nice for Alex and Kelley, but 15$ wax was not in your budget. Still, you couldn’t not do anything with your hair. Wild curls would draw attention to you, and you couldn’t do that. 

You couldn’t make this night about you and ruin it for them. 

God, you probably already had. 

“If you’re going to ditch us can you please slow down? It’s the least you could do,”

Your heart stopped at Alex’s voice, and your feet paused before you consciously decided to listen. You had to swallow down a groan. 

Of course, she had come after you. 

It was such an Alex thing to do. 

You ran another hand through your hair and turned to face her. “What are you doing?”

Her eyebrows pulled together as she finally caught up with you. “I’m making sure you’re okay,”

She said it like it was obvious. Like it was normal. Like she wasn’t sure why you would ask. 

“I’m fine,” You mumbled, your hand dragging through your curls to the back of your neck. “Go back to dinner and I’ll rejoin you in a bit,”

Her eyebrow arched. “I think running out of the restaurant constitutes just about anything other than fine,”

You couldn’t help how your nose scrunched.

This was the part of your relationship that you had forgotten about. The one that had been masked by annoying persistence since she moved out for college. 

The one where she actually cared enough to force you to admit when something was wrong. 

She was pushing you, but it didn’t feel like it was for her benefit. It was for you. 

Your hand fell. “I just needed some air,” Your voice came out horse, strained. 

Alex hummed, stepping closer to you. “You got overwhelmed.”

It was a statement, not a question, and it struck you how well she knew you, even though the two of you hadn’t had a real conversation in nearly a decade. 

You stared at her, trying to understand her game. Trying to figure out why she was pretending to care. Trying to dissect how this would benefit her and her perfect image. 

“What do you want from me?” You were thrown off by how small you sounded. How young and… terrified the words that left your lips were. 

Alex caught your arm pulling you into her, closing the little space left between you. “I want you to talk to me,” 

“No,” You instantly pulled away from her, tangling your fingers in your messy curls yet again. “I will not be a distraction,”

“What?” Her eyebrows pulled more tightly together. 

Your fingers caught in a curl at the back of your head, the one that always seemed to tangle no matter what you did. You harshly tugged at it, the little pinpricks of pain helping you stay grounded. 

Except this time it didn't help. 

It didn’t give you enough to focus on to crack some smart-ass remark or shove your feelings into a tiny box. 

It was too much. 

“It’s all I’ve ever been,” The words spilled from your lips before you could stop them, like blood gushing from an open wound that you had tried and failed to stitch together too many times before. 

Alex softened, and she took a step towards you, gently catching your arm and pulling it towards her, effectively stopping your from ripping your hair out. 

“Monkey,” She said softly. 

You jerked away, like a wounded animal. You would not let her pretend that she didn’t think that. That she didn’t hate how you followed after her when you were young, that she didn’t despise how you distracted from her.  

“No! I heard you. I’m just the spare Morgan chasing after you, taking people’s attention off of you, and joining in uninvited on your opportunities. This will not be like that. I won’t fuck this up for you. You need to go back, and I’ll be there in a few minutes,” 

The words forced themselves out of your lips like they had been waiting to leave for forever. They broke you apart as you choked trying to hold in your emotions. As you fought to close the lid back on Pandora’s box. 

Alex caught you again, pulling you into her, and you quaked against her chest, sucking in strangled breaths. Her arms wrapped around you, squeezing you tightly, just like she did when you were little after a busy trip to the mall when the crowds had made your tummy flutter. 

You didn’t fight her, instead burying your face in her neck, curling into her like you hadn’t since she left for college. 

She held you like the two of you had all the time in the world. Like you weren't on a random sidewalk with random people walking around you. 

She didn’t pull back until your trembling had slowed and your breathing had evened out, and she very gently ran her thumb under your eyes. 

You hadn’t even realized you were crying. 

“What the hell are you talking about?” She asked when your eyes met her identical blue. 

“You said it,” You mumbled, sniffing lightly. 

Alex’s eyes scrunched and a crinkle appeared between them. “When?” 

 “I was trying to surprise you at Berkley. Mom thought I had practice, and I took the bus. I heard you,” You said, your eyes closing as that day played back through your head. 

It had taken some serious convincing from Jen that Alex missed you, and that she was desperate to see you since you had gone radio silent on her. You had been so excited as you waited near the Berkeley bleachers for their practice to finish. 

She had been walking with one of her teammates, and they were talking about someone Coach McGuire was going to invite to practice. 

“It just makes no sense, why would he extend that kind of an offer to a kid?”  The girl you didn’t recognize said, nudging your sister as they stepped off the field. “Like fuck, it has to suck to always have your younger sister getting opportunities off of your hard work,” 

Alex hummed, shifting her bag over her shoulder, and you moved to be more hidden under the bleachers. 

The little sound was like a knife in your chest, deflating the balloon of excitement that had been there since you snuck out this morning. 

Alex didn’t want to see you. She thought you were getting things off of her hard work.

“Don’t they understand that you want something that’s yours?” The girl continued, and you bit down hard on your lip to stop the tears from leaking down your cheeks. “You should have to deal with her being a distraction from your greatness,” 

You would never cry for Alex again. 

You shook your head and refocused on Alex in front of you, shoving away the cracking feeling in your stomach. 

“Go back to your dinner. I’ll be there in a bit,” You said, forcing your voice steady. Emotionless. In control. “I promise Alex. I just needed some air,” 

“No,” Alex said sternly, her arm tightening around you so you couldn’t pull away.  “Don’t do that. Don’t shut down on me. I'm not going anywhere,”

You blinked at her, fighting to swallow the warmth that spread through you. It couldn’t be real. She couldn’t be honest about this. 

You had already resolved that she didn’t actually care about you. That she loathed the responsibility of you from when you were younger. You couldn’t wrap your head around anything else. 

And before you could stop it the strangled “Why?” Fell from your lips. 

She chuckled, running her thumb under your eyes again and wiping away the tears that would not stop. “Because I fucking love you, and I can’t read your fucking mind, no matter how many times I told you I could when you were little,” 

You knew the comment was meant to draw a chuckle or a smile, but it didn’t. 

Alex ducked her head when you tried to look away, not letting you break eye contact. Not letting you bury your emotions and draw back into yourself. Making sure you heard her. “I want to fix our relationship. I’ve wanted to fix it since you stopped talking to me when I moved out. I don’t understand what happened, even though I probably should, and I can’t if you don’t tell me,” 

You sniffled, unable to stop yourself from leaning into her touch as her thumb ran circles under your eyes, clearing away the tears as they continued to fall. It warmed your cheeks, and traveled down to your tummy. It made you feel… safe. Something you hadn’t really felt that way (aside from when you were with Taylor) since you were 12. 

The two of you stood like that for a long minute, stuck in your own bubble, uncaring of the crowds rushing around you. 

It took you another moment to realize Alex’s eyebrow was raised, and that she was looking at you like she always had when she expected a response. 

You swallowed hard. “Ok,” 

The word was simple but held a weight not lost on either of you. What you were agreeing to wasn’t lost, and neither was the vulnerability it took to let it out. 

Alex’s head tilted, a smile tugging at her lips. “Ok.” 

You nodded, finally pulling yourself out of her grasp and wiping your face with your arm. “I’ll try. Old habits die hard,”

“I know,” Alex hummed, and you knew she was saying more.

She was saying that she knew how hard it was for you to voice your feelings sometimes. How difficult it was for you to be open. 

She was saying that she knew you. 

And it had a warm feeling filtering deep in your tummy. 

You looked away, clearing your throat. “We should go back. It’s your night and you should get to enjoy it,”

Alex sighed.“ This doesn’t change my ability to enjoy my night. If you need more time, we have plenty,”

Your shoulders rolled, and your back straightened.  Your fingers tangled in the baby hairs at the back of your neck. 

It was something Alex had seen a million times. The way you pieced yourself back together, even when you didn’t necessarily have to. Even when you weren’t ready to. 

It was unsettling, how little this part of you had changed. 

“The only bad thing about the city lights is that you can’t see the stars,” She said, watching how the abrupt change in subject took an immediate effect. 

You blinked at her, your eyes instinctively glancing upward towards the sky, and your shoulders relaxing. 

Bingo she thought. 

You might not have had a conversation with her in years, but she still knew you. And your obsession with astronomy… well more like your obsession with Greek mythology and stars… hadn’t changed. 

You hadn’t changed all that much. Well, most of you, no matter how much you wanted to pretend otherwise. 

“Canis Minor is there,” You mumbled, pointing up at the sky barely visible surrounded by the neon lights of the city. “And Vela and Volans are there. It’s hard, but you can make them out,”

She hummed, not at all surprised that you could pick out the constellations even when you could only see a small part of them. But that wasn’t the point.

The point was how you relaxed. 

You looked back towards her, your hand dropping as you let out a shaky breath.  

“Let’s go back,” You said. “I don’t want your food to get cold,” 

Alex nodded. “As long as you’re ready,” 

You made a low sound in the back of your throat and turned back towards the restaurant. “Let’s go,” 

She signed, reminding herself that everything wouldn’t be fixed in a day. You wouldn’t be fixed in a day. It would take baby steps, and you had given her more today than you had in years. 

“Ok,” She agreed, letting you lead her back towards the restaurant, and your family. 

*****

“You sure you don’t want a ride kid?” Kelley asked, wrapping an arm around your shoulder. 

You nodded, forcing a smile across your lips. “Oh yeah, I’m good,” 

The end of dinner had actually been nice. 

No one had said a thing when you and Alex returned to the table, just before your food arrived. The conversation had been light, focused on the proposal, and no one had tried to force you to join in. 

They hadn’t even batted an eyelash when you pulled out your phone to text your girlfriend about where you would be sleeping, and made eye contact with the two men who had taken up a table in the back corner of the restaurant.

Desert had been… almost pain-free, which set you on edge. 

Nothing in your family came without a cost, and you wondered what it would be. Especially since Alex had come after you. 

But everyone said their goodbyes and headed to their cars with very little fanfare. 

All except for Kelley who was worried when you lingered near the entrance of the restaurant. 

“You don’t have to stand here with me,” you said, glancing down the street, looking for the familiar black Escalade you assumed Taylor would be sending to retrieve you. You figured Tony was driving, since he had disappeared, leaving Zach to linger a few feet away from you. “I'm just waiting for my Uber,”

Kelley made a low noise. “And while I’m sure your new mob friends could take care of you, Alex would kill me if I left you here without knowing your plan,” 

You blew out a breath, a strange warmth in your stomach at the thought that Alex would care. “My ride should be just around the corner. You can go, and I’ll be fine,” 

It didn’t even bug you that Emily had apparently convinced her you were in the mob too. 

“Burrito girl?” She asked, her features softening. 

You nodded, glancing sideways toward where Alex was standing. “Satisfied now?”

You weren’t ready for your older sister to know yet. You weren’t ready to hear about how you weren’t mature enough. Or how your reputation would impact your relationship. 

You didn’t want to be lectured about how much older Taylor was. 

Kelley wiggled her eyebrows as a black Escalade pulled around the corner. “Very,”

“You’re far too smug about this,” You huffed, again glancing towards your sister, who still seemed oblivious to your conversation. 

Kelley followed your eyes, and her smirk softened. “You know she wouldn’t be upset that you’re seeing someone right? She just wants you to be happy,” 

“I know,” You mumbled, feeling the kid you had forced over your emotions rattle in your chest. You had already been too vulnerable tonight. “I just… I’m still figuring it all out, and I don’t want the pressure yet,” 

Kelley made a low noise of agreement in the back of her throat. Like she wanted to argue with you, but knew you weren’t in a place to listen.

You wondered how much she knew about your earlier moment with Alex. How she knew so well not to push. 

The black Escalade came to a smooth stop in front of you, and Zach stepped up from behind you to stand near the rear passenger door. 

You appreciated that he didn’t say anything. 

“Tell your burrito mob boss hello,” Kelley said, patting your back. “And I’ll take care of your sister,” 

You rolled your eyes goodnaturedly at her before Zach opened the door for you and you slid into the backseat of the car. 

Zach closed the door behind you and was in the passenger seat before you could think too hard about what Kelley had said. 

“To Taylor’s apartment?” Tony asked you, glancing at you in the rearview mirror. “Or did you want to make a pitstop first?”

You blinked at him, not expecting to have a choice in where he was taking you. You figured Taylor had given him instructions already. That he would do whatever she told him to because she was the one paying his (probably incomprehensibly expensive) salary. 

You cleared your throat, meeting his eyes in the mirror. “Taylor’s apartment is fine, thanks,”

“No problem kid,” He winked, his eyes returning to the street ahead of him. 

Zach reached forward and flicked the radio, letting quiet pop fill the car, and you relaxed back into the leather seats. 

It was weird. This was weird. You felt so… off balance after your moment with Alex. It made you feel so vulnerable. 

You needed to get rid of the raw feeling in your chest. You needed control. 

You swallowed hard and looked out the window as the lights of the city passed. 

*****

One thing you absolutely loved about Taylor’s apartment was that it was always stocked with sweets. And since you had started dating, your favorites seemed to appear alongside the treats that she enjoyed. 

“How was dinner?” She asked you, passing you the container of chocolate frosting as you sat on her kitchen counter. 

She was dressed in short shorts and an old Philadelphia Eagles shirt, her feet bare. She was relaxed and comfortable. Which felt like a stark contrast to needles prickling in your stomach. The pins tingling the back of your neck. 

She had been waiting for you near the elevator when the SUV pulled into her private garage, and she welcomed you with a hug that was so… warm that it almost made you forget how raw you felt. 

She held you as you ascended to her apartment, and all the way into her kitchen, asking if you were up for a bit of dessert. 

You were surprised she hadn’t immediately tried to get you to talk about dinner with your sisters and Kelley. That she didn’t pry into it the second she had the chance like Mal would have. 

Now you found that you didn’t mind the question. 

“Fine,” You shrugged, sticking a spoon in the frosting and twisting it around, lifting it to examine the scoop you had made. “They mostly gushed over the ring Kelley picked, and how romantic it was to propose on the Empire State Building,”

You licked your spoon, pulling it into your mouth, and your eyes closed at the taste. 

It was silky and smooth, much better than the cheap frosting you always brought. 

“You don’t think it’s gush-worthy?” Taylor asked when your eyes fluttered back open. 

You paused, thinking about it for a long second as you got another scoop of frosting. 

You actually thought Kelley’s proposal was sweet. It combined some of your sister’s favorite things and one of her favorite places. It made sense. 

But it was so cliché.

 “For Alex it is,” You shrugged, sticking the spoon in your mouth, swirling your tongue around the ridges to get all of the delicious chocolate. 

Taylor hummed, stepping up between your legs, her hands running gently over the dark denim of our jeans. “But it’s not what you would want?”

You shook your head, scooping a bit more frosting on your spoon. 

“I think I’d want something more creative,” You said, your lips quirked up, as you held the spoon out for her. “You know, like under the Eiffel Tower,”

“So original,” She rolled her eyes, letting you slip the spoon past her lips.

Sharing food with her was a habit you had picked up. Something that settled the nagging feeling in the back of your mind that she was too skinny. That there was something… wrong with her relationship to food. 

Her fingers tightened around your thighs and you tilted the spoon up and her chin tilted to follow, exposing the long lines of her neck. You traced them with your eyes, swallowing hard. 

It had want bubbling in your stomach alongside the needles. It had you leaning into where you knew this evening was heading. Into the coping mechanism that hadn’t failed you yet, even though you so desperately wanted things with Taylor to be different. 

But maybe tonight they didn’t have to be. 

You hummed, pulling the spoon away. 

She let her tongue trail along it, her eyes fluttering open to make eye contact with you. “That’s good,”

“You bought it, so I would hope you like it,”

You dipped the spoon back into the container, pulling up a glob of frosting and bringing it to your lips. 

She watched you intently, waiting for the spoon to leave your mouth with a little pop before very slowly leaning in. It gave you enough time to pull away if you wanted to, but you didn’t want to. 

You needed this. To feel in control. 

You leaned forward, connecting your lips in a languid kiss. Her tongue gently pressed against your lips, and you opened your mouth to grant her access. 

It carefully explored around your mouth, dancing with your tongue in a slow waltz, licking the residual frosting from every surface it touched. 

She let out a low noise in the back of her throat as she pulled away. “That one tasted better,” 

You wiggled your eyebrows, dropping the spoon back into the container. “Did it now?” 

“It did,” She nodded, her thumbs running up and down your thighs. 

You leaned forward, connecting your lips again and slowly sliding off the counter. Your hands landed heavily on her hips and her arms draped across your shoulders, pulling you closer, her fingers playing with the baby hairs at the back of your neck. 

It was easy for you to snatch control of the kiss, Taylor gave it to you willingly. 

It should have smoothed over the frayed edges of your nerves. It should have quieted your thoughts and made you more present. 

Instead, you slipped farther into your head. 

You replayed the feelings of Alex’s hand in your hair, the weight of her arm around you. How you had made a promise you weren’t sure you really wanted to keep. 

Your lips never left her as she took a step back towards the hallway that led to her room, and you slipped your fingers under the hem of her shirt, skating along the waistband of her shorts.

You loved the smooth skin there, and the goosebumps that trailed after your light touch. They distracted you so much that you didn’t notice her turning down the hallway until you were stumbling over your feet to keep up. 

Her lips tilted into a smirk as she used her newfound leverage to switch your position. 

Your back hit the wall with a low thump. Her lips reattached to yours, one hand tangling in the hair at the base of your skull, and the other cupped your chin as she pressed you into the wall, her thigh landing heavily between your legs. 

It was more demanding, more needy, more in control. 

It jarred you out of your head. Out of the rabbit hole of how being honest with Alex would help you link the back line to the front line better. Of how it would allow more line breaking balls through towards the edge where your sister always danced to stay onside. 

“You didn’t think I was a pillow princess did you?” She asked, winking at your surprised eyes. 

You let out a sigh at the pressure against your core, doing everything in your power to prevent your hips from pulling back when she rocked against you. 

This you weren’t used to. This you had never done with anyone besides Mal. 

You sucked in a breath through your nose, deciding to focus on the things that you enjoyed. You leaned into the kiss. 

You liked the way her tongue explored your mouth. You liked how her fingers twitched against your jaw before they made their way to your collar. 

Your head tilted to give her more room as she began trailing warm, wet kisses down your neck.

A shiver ran down your spine when she hit the spot just below your right ear, and you let out another low sigh. She echoed the sound, her fingers deft as they undid the first button of your shirt. 

She let the blunt nail of her pointer finger graze your collarbone, trailing after her as she moved to the next button, leaving flames in its wake. 

Goosebumps erupted on the newly exposed skin, and you felt her smirk against your neck. 

Her long fingers splayed across your abs, tapping out a rhythm you couldn’t define. 

“Do you know how amazing these are?” She asked, her warm breath hitting the damp skin of your neck and sending a shiver down your spine as her fingers tapped you a bit harder. “I think about them all the time. It’s not fair that I’ve only gotten glimpses of them, especially with how much you show them off,”

“You were a bit distracted,” You smirked, projecting confidence that you didn’t feel, your fingers closing around her hips, trying to maintain a sliver of control. 

She flexed her thigh again to prevent you from flipping your positions though. 

“Hmm,” She hummed, a devilish smile cracking across her lips as she dropped to her knees. Your breath caught in your throat, and you splayed your hands on the wall behind you, trying to hide how much they were shaking. 

You didn’t know how to handle this. How to do this. 

“Well I’m not distracted now, and I’m going to give them the attention they deserve,” She said, her hands moving the edges of your shirt out of the way. 

You raised an eyebrow at her. “Are you now?” 

Your voice barely wobbled as you spoke, and you took it as a win. 

“I am,” she nodded, determination glinting in her eyes. She leaned forward, placing an open mouth kiss on the abb right above your left hip. Her tongue followed the ridge of the muscle to the other side. 

you bit your bottom lip and allowed your head to fall back against the wall with a low thump. 

You liked this touch. More than any touch you had ever had before. You had never let anyone get this far before, not even Mal really. 

Things had been quick with her, like touching you was an unpleasant chore. One neither of you had ever been fond of. 

This. This was different. 

Taylor took her time, lavishing each individual muscle as her warm mouth traveled around your stomach. A chill trailed after her lips, the air landing on your wet skin sending goosebumps across your flesh, stoking a foreign fire in your belly that was almost enough to quiet the growing dread. 

Almost. 

She made her way up your stomach, placing a line of kisses up your chest and collarbone before she again landed on the special spot on your neck. 

“Let’s get you out of these pants,” 

You sucked in a harsh breath through your nose, forcing yourself to remain relaxed. You tried to enjoy the feeling of her hands tracing the residue left on your stomach. Tried to focus on the softness of her lips on your neck and the scent of her perfume. 

Tried to let it drive away ghosts of calloused fingers and gruff voices. 

It almost worked. 

Then her thumb flicked open the button of your jeans, and you couldn’t temper your reaction. You couldn’t quell the growing anxiety in your chest. You froze, every muscle in your body going rigid for a split second before you could force them to relax again. 

You hoped that Taylor wouldn’t notice, but she did. 

“Y/n?” She said softly as she pulled back, her hands retreating from their position at your waist to cup your cheek, and her leg falling from between yours. 

Your eyes slowly fluttered open and met very worried blue. You could see the questions forming. The concern dripped from her form. 

But you knew you couldn’t answer.  You weren’t ready to unlock Pandora's box yet. Not when you knew you would never be able to shut it again. You only knew one way to stop her from asking. One way to regain control. 

You surged forward, your hands on her hips giving you the leverage to push her back against the wall opposite of you. Your mouth landed hot against her neck, lavishing the soft skin with open-mouthed kisses, and your thigh slotted between her legs pressing into her core with the perfect amount of pressure to distract her. 

“I’m ok,” You muttered hotly into her ear, pressing more firmly into her center. “Let me make you feel good,” 

She sucked in a breath, her hips stuttering like they wanted to grind against you, but she wouldn’t let them. 

You dragged your tongue down her neck, letting your teeth just barely graze her sensitive skin, and rocked your hips. Your thumbs scared along the sliver of skin just above her shorts trying to convince her to just go with it. 

To let her let you distract her. 

You thought for a second that it had worked, as a low groan left her lips. You thought that maybe you had… derailed her enough to forget about your momentary lapse in the hold you had on your emotions.  But just as you went to slip your hand into her pants she stopped you. 

Her palm pressed firmly into your chest, insistent until you pulled away enough to make eye contact with her. 

“I want us to both feel good,” she said sternly. 

You swallowed at the comment, fighting to keep your face neutral. 

“Making you feel good will make me feel good,”  You said, trying to lean back in, but the hand on your chest stopped you. 

“Y/n you tensed,” She said, her blue eyes burning into yours, looking for answers, the charge between you melting away. 

You sighed as you pulled away from her until your back hit the wall opposite of her. You ran a hand through your messy curls and glared up at her ceiling, unable to look at her. 

You were afraid that if you did, she would be able to read your mind. She would see the… brokenness you fought so hard to hide.  But you had never been able to hide from Taylor. 

Even before you were dating, you had let her closer to you than anyone had ever gotten before. She was scarily perceptive and had been able to read you from the beginning of your friendship even better than Mal could (and that was saying something). Her abilities only seemed to get more acute as you got closer. 

This was the only area she hadn’t seemed to pick up on. 

You let yourself slide down the wall, your eyes closing as you sucked in another breath.  You still felt so raw from your talk with Alex. Too… vulnerable. Like opening up again would finally crack your chest in half. 

“I’m,” You started and stopped, unsure of what you were actually going to say. “I’m not good at receiving,”

You settled on the phrase, drawing up the courage to finally open your eyes, pulling your knees close to your chest and resting your chin on them. 

You were surprised that Taylor had slid down her own wall so she was sitting across from you and mirroring your posture. 

She made a low sound in the back of her throat, and her eyebrows furrowed. “You’re not good at it?” 

There was no judgment in her voice. None of the disgust you expected. 

“I can’t ever get out of my head enough to… enjoy it I guess,” You cleared your throat and looked away from her, ignoring the heat in your cheeks. “No one’s ever noticed before”

It was a semi-truth. In your slew of hookups, no one had ever cared. No one had pushed back when you stopped them. No one had ever not let you distract them. 

But then again, Taylor was nothing like your hookups. 

You actually had feelings for her that stretched beyond self-loathing and the need to be in control of something. To be good enough. There was nothing quite like the rush that came from making a beautiful woman fall apart under you. It was irrefutable evidence that you were capable. 

Taylor’s eyes tightened. It physically hurt her that none of your past partners (if she could call them that) had cared enough beyond their own needs to see the obvious. And that you were willing to bypass your own comfort so someone else could feel good. 

She wanted to kick herself for not noticing that something was wrong sooner. 

“You’ve never talked through limits or likes and dislikes with any of the people you’ve slept with?”

You ran another hand through your hair (making it impossibly more messy) and let out a very long breath. 

You shrugged. “We were never doing anything beyond vanilla and it never progressed past a few one-sided orgasms,”

You had never let any of them touch you. Hell, you hadn’t even gotten undressed for most of them. The thought of doing anything… kinky sent a shiver down your spine so you hadn’t. It was just easier to keep distance from the people you slept with. It was safer that way. 

Taylor shifted, very slowly scooting towards you, reaching out to place a gentle hand on your foot like she thought you would freak out if she moved too fast. 

“Well, I think there’s a need now,” Taylor said, watching your every movement. 

Your eyes were scarily hollow, accented by the red that rimmed them from the time you had made it to her apartment. She had wanted to ask about it. Pushed just a little to find out if you had been crying, and why. But you didn’t seem to want to talk about it. 

You had pivoted to sex almost as soon as she tried to bring it up. It sent red flags up in her mind. Red flags that only got brighter. 

She couldn’t help but replay every interaction the two of you had had in her mind. There would be time to agonize over every little detail later, but even now, your… reluctance to undress, or allow her to touch you was glaringly obvious. How the moment she flipped your typical script, you couldn’t hide it anymore. 

She was slightly ashamed she hadn’t noticed it before. That she had ignored the signs of your discomfort, even if they were well masked. 

Have you ever wanted to have sex? Had she put you in a position where you didn’t feel like you could refuse? 

She never wanted you to feel forced, whether that was about talking about how you were feeling or having sex. She wanted you to feel comfortable enough to tell her when you weren’t ok with something. 

Your nose dipped behind your thighs, your forehead pressed into your knees, and you squeezed your arms more tightly around them like you were literally trying to hold yourself together. 

Her heart broke a little more at the barely audible “ok” that left your lips. 

She scooted closer to you, her hand carefully drawing up your shin and weaving in your curls. Her nails scratched gently on your scalp, and you practically melted. 

Your shoulders relaxed and you let out a long breath before you shifted to look up at her, your chin balanced on your knees. 

She brushed a curl from in front of your eyes. “When did you start to feel uncomfortable?”

You scrunched your nose. It was a hard question. 

 You weren’t sure how you were supposed to explain that your mind went to soccer as soon as anything remotely intimate started. How were you supposed to explain that you were just defective? 

But maybe you didn’t have to. 

She didn’t ask you that. All she asked was when you started to feel uncomfortable, and that answer was easy.

It was the moment your back hit the wall. The moment you were jarred out of the safe space in your head.

The moment she forced you to be present, unlike every other girl you had ever been with.  

But you weren’t entirely uncomfortable. Maybe at the start, but you had enjoyed parts of being with her. You wanted to enjoy being with her.  But you were just… incapable. Defectives 

You settled for a shrug, curling tighter into yourself. You didn’t want her to see how… fucked up you were. It would only push her away.

That’s what pushed Mal away.  And Alex. And your parents. 

You would never be good enough, and you had just wanted to pretend as long as you could. You weren’t ready to lose Taylor yet. 

“Ok. It’s ok,” Taylor’s voice was gentle, and her hand trailed to tangle in the baby curls at the back of your neck. “Let’s try something else. Can you tell me what you liked?”

Your eyebrows furrowed. “This time?” 

“Any of the times,” She said soothingly, her fingers never stopping their gentle scratches at the back of your neck. 

You closed your eyes, leaning back into her hand. “I like it when you do this,” 

She hummed, and you could hear a smile in it. “Anything else?”

“I like kissing you,” You mumbled, feeling the red flair in your cheeks. 

Her lips always tasted like coffee, and something so… Taylor. They were addictive in the best way. 

“And I like holding you,” You added. There was something comforting about having her in your arms. Something that made you feel safe. “And I like it when you hold me,” 

“But the rest?”  She asked you gently. 

Your shoulders lifted and fell. You did what was expected of you. What you knew worked. 

You went with the flow just like Emily told you too, and then had been too caught in your head to savor the moment. To take in all of the little details that you wanted to remember. No matter how hard you fought, you just… couldn’t. 

You quite liked touching her too, but you knew there was something wrong with your inability to remain in the moment when you did. You knew that she deserved for you to be present. 

“I’m just not good at receiving,” You repeated, misery leaking into your tone. 

It was the only response you could come up with. The only explanation that remotely made sense. This was when she would realize you were… defective. This was when she would leave. But she didn’t. 

She gently squeezed the back of your neck. A silent request for you to look at her and a comforting touch that told you that it was ok. It took you a second to gain the courage to look up, but when you did, you didn’t see the disgust you expected. 

Her eyes were soft, sad, and they held another emotion you couldn’t quite put your finger on. “I like holding and kissing you too,”

She shifted a little closer to you, so her knee was touching yours. “And I’ll hold and kiss you for as long as you’ll let me, at whatever pace makes you feel comfortable,” 

You made a low noise. 

It was strange. Conceptually, you could understand what she was saying, but you had never been with someone who didn’t judge you based on your ability to give them an orgasm. You wondered how long her patience would last. How long would she stay when she realized how deeply you were fucked up. 

“How about we go cuddle on the couch and watch a movie?” She asked, squeezing the back of your neck gently. 

Your nose scrunched as she pulled away, pushing herself to her feet and holding her hand out to you. “You know I don’t like movies,” 

You didn’t have the attention span for them, and you would inevitably get bored halfway through. 

She hummed, wiggling her fingers so you would take her hand. “How about survivor then?” 

Your tension melted at the mention of your favorite show, and your easy smile returned to your features.

“Yes! We have to watch Heroes vs Villains so you can see Russel at his finest,” You said, allowing her to pull you into her side.

“Whatever you want sunshine,” She kissed your forehead and guided you back towards her living room. 

It felt like going to her bedroom was too much, too fast. She didn’t want you to think she had some… expectations despite the clear signs that you were not ready to progress past cuddling. Not while you would so easily compromise your limits. 

Not while your limits still felt so unclear. 

She knew that it would take time to work through that, and she was willing to wait and help you for as long as it took. 

*****

Soft morning light filtered into your consciousness, waking you gently. You breathed in deeply, shifting on a bed that you knew wasn’t yours. 

It smelled like lilacs and Taylor’s perfume, sweet and inviting and safe. You could hear soft music from somewhere else in the apartment and felt cool sheets next to you. 

You frowned, pushing yourself to a sitting position with a yawn. It was rare you woke up after Taylor. That you slept in in general. 

But it shouldn’t have surprised you with what had happened last night. Sure, the two of you had fallen asleep together just after Pavarti and Russel had schemed to take down the Hero’s tribe during the merge. Taylor held you just like she promised, but you should have known it wouldn’t last. 

A good nights sleep had opened her eyes. She had reflected and decided you were too… broken to be worth it. 

“Fuck,” You mumbled, rubbing the sleep out of your eyes with the palms of your hands. 

You should have stopped her before she got to your pants. You should have been more subtle and slipped your position instead of tensing. 

You should have been prepared to lose hold on the iron box that held your emotions. You should have had more control. 

But you didn’t, and now you were most likely going to lose your girlfriend. 

She would break up with you in the sweetest way possible. She would say that it was her. That she was the problem, and you would accept that. 

You would nod along, and make it easy for her.  Just like you had with Mal when she told you that Dansby was her soulmate. That he was so good and perfect. 

You dragged your hands up your face, and into your hair, ruffling your messy curls as you pushed yourself out of bed.  There was no point in drawing this out longer than it needed to be.  

You stretched, pulling your shirt down over your boxers as you padded out of Taylor’s room towards the sound of the music. You could also make out soft voices as you got closer. Your eyebrows furrowed. Who was Taylor talking to? 

You peeked your head around the corner, your frown deepening when you saw a redhead sitting at the island across from Taylor, a large stack of papers sitting to the right of her, drinking a cup of coffee and humming to a song you had never heard before. 

Why was she here? 

Taylor turned from the stove, catching sight of you before you could hide back behind the wall. “Hey babe, good morning,” She said brightly, smiling widely at you. 

“Morning,” You said slowly, stepping out from behind the hallway wall. 

She gestured to the woman across from her. “This is Tree,”

“Hello,” You waved awkwardly at the redhead. 

“She just swang by to hear a bit of the new album,” Taylor explained easily, turning back towards the cabinets. “Do you want some coffee?”

Tree smiled brilliantly at you, showing off perfectly white teeth in a way that surprisingly didn’t feel forced. 

But you could sense the lie in Taylor’s explanation of why her publicist was there. Of why the woman who handled all of Taylor’s outward appearances appeared with a massive contract right after you had shown her how defective you were? 

“It’s a pleasure to meet you,” She said, pushing out the stool next to her, a clear invitation to sit. 

You shifted awkwardly from foot to foot and dragged a hand through your hair. 

Neither of them seemed… angry. Or like they were plotting the fastest way to get you out of the apartment. But you didn’t trust it. All of your instincts told you not to. 

“Nice to meet you too,” You said slowly, stepping towards the stool and gesturing to the stack of papers. “Listen, I’ll sign whatever you want me to sign. Can I just take a shower before you kick me out?”

“What?” Taylor and Tree said in unison, Taylor nearly dropping the mug she was holding and Tree’s eyes tightening. 

“I just hate to put on clean clothes without showering,” You scratched more insistently at the back of your neck, your fingers tangling in the tight curls at the base of your skull. “And Alex and Kelley would think it’s weird if I show up to their house in what I wore last night, and I won’t be able to accurately answer their questions,”

Taylor’s eyebrows pulled tightly together and she set the mug down, stepping closer to the island. “Y/n, slow down,” 

You ignored her. You knew you were rambling at this point but you couldn’t stop yourself. “I promise I’ll be in and out in like 5 minutes. I won’t even do my hair,” 

“Y/n stop,” Taylor moved around the island, catching your hand as it began to tug at the roots of your curls.

“What are you talking about?” She asked you softly, ducking to catch your eye. 

“You’re going to break up with me because of what happened,” You rushed out, catching her frown and immediately backtracking. “Which is totally fine. I understand that you want someone… with less baggage. I just want to take a shower before you make me leave,”

“I’m not breaking up with you,” 

You blinked at her.  What was that supposed to mean? 

Was she going to make you do it so she could be the good guy? Was her publicist there to witness it so they could write a story about it? 

“Do you want me to break up with you then?” You asked, softly. You hated the fragility in your voice. 

Taylor’s head cocked to the side and she raised an eyebrow at you. “No,” 

It was your turn to frown. “I don’t understand what’s happening,”

“I’m not breaking up with you. You’re not breaking up with me,” She said like it was simple, tugging you towards the stools. “You’re going to sit down and drink your coffee while I make breakfast. You can talk to Tree if you like, or just listen to some of the tracks from my new album. But no one is getting kicked out or leaving,”

“Oh,” You breathed out, your shoulders dropping. “I don’t like eggs,”

“I know,” Taylor rolled her eyes, an amused smirk on her lips as she turned back towards the counter. “I’m making pancakes,”

“With chocolate chips?” You asked, watching her warily as you took the seat next to Tree slowly. 

You felt like you were in a stupid rom-com that Alex would like. Like you were the idiot boyfriend who was lost. 

“Of course,” Taylor hummed, sliding you a mug. “Drink your coffee,” 

“So I heard you’re going to be playing for Washington this season,” Tree said, and you really looked at her for the first time. 

Her eyes were kind, and she actually seemed… interested. 

“If they ever get me a place to live,” You shrugged, clearing your throat. “Their manager keeps giving me the runaround and preseason starts in like 2 weeks,”

Her eyebrows pulled tightly together and she tapped her perfectly manicured nail on the edge of her mug, just beside the tea bag string. “They haven’t figured that out yet?”

“No. The only option they sent me doesn’t allow pets, which is a serious problem for my 3 huskies,” You sighed, pinching the bridge of your nose. 

To be honest, your move to DC was nearly as painful as the one from North Carolina to Chicago. You just hoped that this time there wouldn’t be a dismembered toe in whatever apartment they put you up in. And hopefully, you had working AC…

The redhead's frown deepened. “Don’t you have a manager that takes care of that?” 

Your nose scrunched. “He’s not helpful,”

Your manager, Travis, had never been… involved. You were one of his 70 clients, and he preferred to do nothing besides collect his paycheck while teams fucked you this way and that. He rarely ever answered your calls, and when he did, he acted like a total slimeball. One more than one occasion he had insisted that he could turn you straight. 

Taylor turned away from the stove, meeting Tree’s frown. You could tell there was a question on the tip of her tongue, one you probably didn’t want to answer just as much as you didn’t want to talk about what had happened last night. 

Tree shook her head slightly, a movement just barely perceptible, making a low sound in the back of her throat and pulling out her phone. “I’ll take care of it,”

You blanched as Taylor turned back to the stove, flipping a pancake. 

You reached for Tree’s arm before she could fully stand from her stool. “No, that's ok. I can figure it out,” 

You didn’t need anyone else to get involved. You didn’t need to make a big deal out of this. You were sure it would only make it worse for you when you arrived. 

You’d heard that the Washington coach Richie was no better than Paul or Rory, and you knew the only way to deal with it was by not making waves. By gritting your teeth and keeping your head down. 

Tree smiled, squeezing your arm and grabbing her phone as she stepped towards the back balcony. “I’ll be right back,” 

You sighed when she disappeared through the glass doors, sinking into the stool, looping your hand through the mug handle, and taking a long drag of your coffee. 

It was perfect. Sweet and light exactly how you liked it, and the soft music playing in the background only made it better. You had never heard this song before. It was just a guitar track, with Taylor’s voice and you found yourself entranced by it. 

I know that it’s delicate, delicate.

You pressed your fingers into the side of your mug as you took another long sip, your eyes following Taylor as she hummed along to the song while flipping the pancakes onto a plate. 

She turned back towards you, sliding the plate across the marble island, and leaning against it. She waited for you to take a bite of your favorite breakfast, smiling when your eyes practically rolled back into your head at the taste. 

Her new music wasn’t the only reason Tree had visited. But she knew she had to explain that very… carefully. She didn't want to set you off, especially when you still seemed so frazzled from the night before. When you thought she would kick you out for tensing. 

She had her suspicions about why your reaction had been so strong, suspicions she had briefly discussed with Tree, but she knew she had to tread carefully. She had the feeling that if you felt too vulnerable, you would shut down entirely. 

But considering the pictures the news media had tried to splash across the headlines, she wasn’t surprised that you had tried to use sex as a distraction (or something else she couldn’t quite put her finger on). It seemed like it was your go-to method, and explained why you had been so content to leave a trail of bodies in the wake of your reputation. 

She also wasn’t surprised that it had ended… the way it did. You had already been emotionally vulnerable. Too vulnerable to have the kind of sex that was deeper than just movements and orgasms. 

She sighed. She would have to tell you why Tree was there, preferably before Tree herself told you. 

“Paparazzi got pictures of you and Alex last night,” She said, trying to stay casual. Trying to make it seem like no big deal. 

You paused, fork full of pancake freezing midair in its trajectory to your mouth for a brief second before you dropped it with a clatter back onto the plate. 

“Fuck me,” You groaned, dragging your palms over your face and through your hair. “Fuck me hard,”

It was another problem. Another thing for you to deal with. When honestly, you just wanted to pretend like last night had never happened. 

All you needed was for the fans to get ahold of a photo of you crying. 

She suppressed a chuckle. “It’s ok, Tree already took care of it,” 

You paused, your fingers scrunching in your hair before you dragged them back down your face and picked up your fork. 

Your eyes stayed closed for a long second before they opened slowly and you resumed eating like nothing had ever happened. 

It was like watching an actor pull on a mask, how you folded all of your emotions up neatly and pushed them inside. It was… incredible and sent alarm bells blazing in Taylor’s mind. 

“Oh. Um. Thanks,” 

You could feel her eyes appraising you. 

“It’s no problem,” She said with a little shrug, bringing her own mug to her lips. 

You went back to your pancakes, the only sound between you the scraping of your fork on her plate and the song playing again in the background. Your mind wandered through the chorus, enjoying the way the beat drop tickled the little spot in the back of your head. Your eyes swept across the kitchen landing on the giant stack of papers in front of Tree’s empty stool. 

“What are the papers?” You asked after a moment, pointing to it with your fork when the music died down and the song restarted. 

Taylor reached for it, placing it between you and spinning it so you could read it. You didn’t. The print was small and close together, and you didn’t want to give yourself a headache. 

“You said that no one has ever discussed limits and boundaries with you, so I thought it might be nice to do that,” Taylor explained carefully. 

You raised an eyebrow at her. “So you printed a packet?”

“Well, no,” She shook her head. “I know you said that you had never done anything beyond vanilla, but I have, and I think it’s important to thoroughly know my partners limits,”

You let a teasing smirk play across your lips, sinking into the teasing to cover how… off kilter you felt. 

You had never discussed limits. With anyone. And it scared you what she could discover. What if something you said turned her off? What if she didn’t want you after you filled out her packet? 

“I didn’t know you were kinky Miss Swift,” You said, wiggling your eyebrows. “Or is there some other title you prefer?” 

A bright red blush spread across her cheeks, traveling down her neck, and she looked away from you. 

Before you could follow up, to make the gorgeous red color travel further, the sound of the glass door opening echoed through the kitchen, and Tree stepped back inside. 

“Ok. I’ve got your housing settled, and I ordered a moving crew to help you,” Tree said as she sat back down beside you, seemingly oblivious to the tension between you and Taylor. 

Or maybe she was just better at ignoring Taylor’s reactions.,

You blinked owlishly at her. “I’m sorry, what?”

“All you have to do is text this number with the date you want to move and they’ll help you get all of your belongings down to DC,” She said, handing you a sticky note with a number on it. 

You had no idea where she had gotten it, but you were thankful for it. 

“Oh, uh, thanks,”

She nodded. “If you have any more issues, call me and I’ll take care of it until we can get you a good manager,”

You swallowed your surprise. You weren’t even sure how to go about finding a new manager, and you doubted you could afford one. You weren’t entirely sure how the whole thing worked actually. But Tree seemed to know exactly what to do. 

You turned back to your plate, taking another bite of your pancakes.  They were like heaven, second only to the Pancakes Kelley made. But something nagged at the back of your mind. Taylor didn’t have a plate in front of her, and there wasn’t one in the sink. You supposed she could have placed it in the dishwasher. 

“Aren’t you going to eat?” You asked, your fork pausing midair. 

She shook her head. “I’m not hungry,” 

A frown pulled at your lips.  Now that you thought about it, Taylor was not hungry a lot. She rarely ate snacks when you did, and you were pretty sure she had never finished a meal with you. 

“Then I'm not hungry,” You responded, already pushing the half-finished plate away from you, despite the way your mouth watered for more. “Unless you want to share these?”

She sighed heavily, but took your fork nonetheless, stabbing a tiny piece of pancake not drowned in syrup and bringing it to her lips. 

“Happy?” She asked you, and your smirk turned real. 

“I’m always happy when I’m with you,” 

*****

“I don’t understand what that means,” You muttered, reading number 372 of Taylor’s limit questionnaire. 

Touching while under sense deprivation

Most of the list had been easy. Things you knew you liked (like kissing), and things you knew you would never want (impact play with a cane). The rating system had also been easy to understand: things you liked and had done, things you wanted to try, things you would only try with lengthy discussion, and things you never wanted to try. 

Taylor highlighted her preference in green Sharpie and you did yours in orange as the two of you worked through her packet cuddled on her couch. She had been insistent that the two of you fill out the packet after lunch, and Tree left to give the two of you some privacy. 

“It means the use of a blindfold or headphones that cut off one of your senses,” She explained, already highlighting a would like to try in her green highlighter. “It can be fun. When one sense is taken away, others tend to heighten,”

You swallowed hard, biting your lip as the red in your cheeks got impossibly darker. 

“I,” you swallowed hard and looked away from her. “I don’t want to do anything where I can’t see you,” 

You had enough problems remaining in the moment with her. The idea that you wouldn’t be able to see her terrified you. 

It scared you to think about where your brain might take you. 

“Ok,” She agreed easily, placing a perfect orange swipe over never try, already moving on to the next one. 

It made your head spin how… comfortable with this she was. 

It was like she had done this before. She said she liked to know her partner's limits, so maybe she had. You had never asked about past relationships before. 

“This isn’t your first time going through this list, is it?” you asked, but the question was more of a statement than an actual question. 

She paused, halfway through reading hands restrained while partner touches- giving and looked at you. 

“No, it’s not,” She admitted gently. “I… I would rather be over prepared than cross a line that I didn’t know was there,”

Your head tilted, and you raised an eyebrow at her. “And you were doing kinky shit like touching your partner while their hands were restrained?”

“Sometimes,” She shrugged, her eyes narrowing. “But I feel like that wasn’t the question you actually wanted to ask me,”

It was slightly scary how well she could read you sometimes. 

You bit your lip. Your questions weren’t polite, but then again you were discussing allowing her to restrain you while you had sex. It was more… intimate than anything you had done with any of your partners, but Taylor seemed… comfortable. 

She had done this before, and you wondered… how many others had been in your position. 

“You’ve had relationships before?” You asked slowly, picking your cuticle and looking away from her. 

“Yes?” She asked back, using a finger under your chin to gently get you to meet her eyes again, as she raised her eyebrow. 

“I was wondering if you would tell me a little bit more about them,” 

“I’ve had a few, some vanilla, some not so vanilla. A few with men, but the serious ones have only been with women,” She said, her voice soft, like she knew you were insecure about asking. “Is there anything specific you would like to know?”

Your fingers picked more instantly at your thumb. “Were you-… did they-…”

Her thumb ran over your elbow. “Relax and take a deep breath,”

You did, except it didn’t help you. You felt like a fish gaping out of water. You forced your mouth to close, dragging in a deep breath through your nose. 

“You said you weren’t a pillow princess,” You mumbled, and a rye smile crossed her lips. 

“You want to know if I was tying people up or if they were tying me up?” 

You gulped but nodded. That had indeed been your question. 

“Well. The dynamic I had with my partners changed with each partner,” She explained thoughtfully. “I found early on that I preferred to give rather than receive, but sometimes it’s nice to just let go and let someone else take care of you,” 

You made a low sound as you took in the information. Really, it should have been obvious with the way she already took care of you.  She waited for you to ask a follow-up, as the silence stretched between you. When it became clear that you weren’t going to ask, she asked a question of her own. 

“Can I ask you a question?” Her head tilted, and she waited for you to nod. “The situationship?”

Your nose involuntarily scrunched. “What about it?”

“I was wondering if you would tell me a little bit more about it,” she mimicked your phrasing gently. 

You pulled your chin from her hand and looked away from her again.  It was… hard for you to talk about what happened with Mal. It still stung in a way you didn’t expect, even though you didn’t… want her anymore. Not like you had. 

“It was a teammate. We were under a lot of pressure, and it just kinda… happened,” You mumbled.  “I got hooked and she didn’t, so she chose someone else,”

Taylor made a low noise of understanding in the back of her throat. “But not before stringing you along,”

Your lips pressed into a thin line and you shook your head. “No,” 

You didn’t want to give her more details, to let yourself remember the agony of how it all devolved. How it felt like she was running you over broken glass every time you interacted. Giving you hope just to swipe it away at the last second. 

“For how long?” Taylor asked softly, drawing your eyes back to her. 

“Almost 4 years,” You sighed, running your hand through your hair and massaging the back of your neck. “The last time we hooked up was like 3 months after you and I became friends,” 

Her eyes tightened as she did the math in her head. That would make you 13 or 14 when it started. A shiver went down her spine. “So young,” 

You shrugged, your fingers digging more deeply into the skin on your neck. “Weird things happen at youth camp,” 

“Apparently,” She muttered. 

Your reaction to her trying to touch you was starting to make sense. If you had started young, and had a… bad experience… 

You cleared your throat. “How long was your last relationship?”

She blinked at you, pulling out of her thoughts. “5 years and some change,”

“Do you talk to any of your exes?” You asked.  “Like the serious ones?”

“No, those bridges went down in flames, but I keep up with a few of the less serious ones,” She shook her head. “I’m assuming you still talk to your ex situationship?”

“She’s one of my best friends,” Your shoulders lifted and fell, and your lips formed a very thin line at calling Mal a friend. You disliked how she UNC all over you, and things were… weird when you interacted, but you couldn’t exactly do anything about it. She was an integral part of your friend group and of the team. “Does it bother you?”

“No,” She said thoughtfully, reaching over to catch your hand as it again ran through your hair. “Because I trust you,” 

“I trust you too,” You said back, and you meant it with everything in you. You trusted Taylor more than you trusted nearly anyone. 

She smiled gently at you. “Do you want to continue this list?” 

You nodded slowly. “Let’s do this,” 

You glanced back down at the stack of papers between you. Yes, it was uncomfortable, but you trusted Taylor. 

OoOoOoO May 2017 You come around and the armor falls Pierce the room like a cannonball Now all we know is don't let go

“You are too fast for your own good,” Ali Krieger sighed, settling down on the bench beside you as you squirted more water into your mouth. 

You shrugged. “You and Dydasco keep leaving a gap for me to split, and Mal is good at finding space,”

The Washington Spirit captain hummed, sipping her own bottle. 

The defender had taken you under her wing as soon as you stepped foot in DC. She had shown up at your apartment ready to help you unpack, only to find it immaculately set up. She had taken you to lunch instead and introduced you to the rest of the team. 

They were wary at first given your reputation, but they were slowly finding out that you weren’t what everyone claimed you were. 

“Dude, that little through ball is sick!” Mal said before Ali could respond, throwing her arm around you and sitting on the bench practically in your lap. “We can totally use that against Sky Blue,”

You shuffled away from her as far as you could without being obvious, taking another long sip of your drink. “Kelley will be looking for it. She’s seen us do it too much,”

Ali had noticed that there was something… odd about the way you interacted with Mal. 

The two of you were inseparable, and your chemistry on the field was entirely unmatched. But there was just something she couldn’t quite put her finger on that bothered her about how Mal was with you. 

How you tried to squirm away from her without drawing attention to it, and how Mal would only move closer. How there was a depth to your relationship with the forward, a history, that Ali hadn’t been aware of before. 

Mal grabbed your water and squirted some into her own mouth while squeezing your shoulder. “Maybe we can discuss a new game plan over drinks?” 

Ali raised her eyebrow. “You’re both underage,”

“Hasn’t stopped Y/n before,” Mal shrugged, nudging you with a giggle. “She can take down a case of beer all on her own,”

You scrunched your nose, and brought your free hand to the back of your neck, pressing deeply into the skin. 

“Um, no thanks,” You said. “I have plans,” 

Mal froze, dropping the water bottle into your lap, and inadvertently getting your pants wet. 

“Plans?”  Mal’s eyes narrowed at you, and the edge in her voice made you shiver. “Which one of our teammates are you fucking tonight?”

A grimace crossed your features, but you smothered it under a mask of indifference, as you brought your shoulders up to touch your ears. “None of them,” 

Mal relaxed, ever so slightly. “Ah, so you finally got the app Lindsey suggested?” 

“No. I don’t use straight dating apps,” You huffed, righting the water bottle. “I don’t need the internet to pick up interested parties, but I’m not seeing some rando either. Not that it’s any of your business,” 

“Who was in your pants used to be entirely my business,” Mal mumbled, pressing a finger into the spot right below your ear, dragging it down the curve of your chin, and using it to tilt your head to make eye contact with her. “You liked it being my business,”

You stared her down, something passing between you that Ali didn’t understand. 

“And you made sure that it wasn’t anymore,” You said, your voice cold as ice as you pushed her hand away, and squirted more water into your mouth. 

“Ok,” Ali said, breaking the tension between you and the forward. “So Kelley will be wise to the through ball, what do you suggest?”

She had never seen you be so… direct. 

You put more space between you and Mal, your lip caught between your teeth for a long moment before you shrugged. “I’m sure Richie has a plan. He’s the master strategist isn’t he?” 

“You’ve had enough film sessions with him, so you tell me,” Ali countered. 

A dark look crossed your features, there for a split second before it was gone. Replaced by an easy smirk that Ali was learning wasn’t so easy. It was the face you made every time something made you uncomfortable and you didn’t want to talk about it. 

You took another sip from your water before you squirted it at Mal. “I’m sure he’s got a plan for his superstar,” 

You pushed yourself off the bench and ran off towards the midfield coach before either of them could stop you, and Mal went tearing off after you. 

Ali shook her head.  If only she had as much energy as you two. But still, there was something… nagging in the back of her mind. Red flags she couldn’t quite place. 

*****

You hummed quietly to yourself as you lit the final candle on your dining room table. 

The table was set. The dinner was in the oven set to the exact temperature Kelley recommended (after she walked you through how to turn it on), removed from its take-out containers and placed in glass dishes, and the trash had been removed taking with it any evidence that your meal hadn’t been created in your kitchen well before Taylor arrived at your apartment (and you had sworn Tony and Zach to secrecy). 

You had cleared off the counter in your kitchen, save for a thick off-white envelope, and a bottle of the red wine you knew Taylor preferred.  It would be the perfect date night. 

Taylor had flown in from Nashville to spend the midweek break with you, and you were fucking stoked. The two of you had seen each other in passing, but getting really quality time together during the season was rough. Nothing would stop you this weekend. 

“This is gorgeous,” Taylor hummed as she stepped into the kitchen area. “And it smells amazing,”

You smiled widely at her, pulling out a chair. “Thanks. I was just about to pull it out of the oven if you wanna sit?”

“Such a gentlewoman,” She said, as she sat, and you felt a bit of red color your cheeks. 

You had been called many things, but a gentleman (woman- whatever) was never one of them. People tended to believe your reputation and take you at face value. 

You were pretty sure Taylor was the only person to ever look past it. 

You turned away from her, moving towards the oven. “Only for you,”

She hummed, and you felt her eyes as you got the food out of the oven, and turned off the device before you brought it over to her. 

“It looks amazing,” She said as you placed the cookware on the table, and more red bloomed across your cheeks. 

“Thanks,” You mumbled, joining her at the table. “It’s coconut curry with chicken, broccoli and rice. It’s got a lot of good fats and protein,”

It was a habit you had started in March, listing out the good parts of your meal. You noticed that she never saw food as fuel or something to be enjoyed. It always seemed like a chore she dreaded or a part of her day she just omitted entirely. You worried and you hoped that your little talks might change her view. So far you had been (mildly) successful. 

Taylor hummed and spooned herself a good portion. “I like coconut curry. I have it a lot after shows,” 

“Good,” You smiled as the red bled up your cheeks towards your ears. “It’s one of my favorites during the season because it meets all of my macros and is filling,” 

Taylor hummed again. “What’s the envelope on your counter?”

You rolled your eyes at the thought of the off-white envelope, with your address written in perfect cursive. “A wedding invitation,”

Taylor’s eyebrows pulled tightly together. “I thought they got engaged in March? They’re already setting a date?”

“We have to plan around tournaments, so they picked the only time everyone will be available,” You mumbled, chewing your too-large mouthful. “Spring of 2018”

“Still seems like a fast turnaround,” Taylor said thoughtfully. 

You shrugged. “They’ve been together for like 10 years. Alex has probably been planning this for years. She can read minds, and she’s a control freak so she probably knew Kelley was going to propose as soon as Kelley started looking at rings,” 

“Ah, I see,” 

You fidgeted in your chair, your fork aimlessly scraping your plate. “Do you want to be my date?” 

It nigged in the back of your mind that the two of you might not even be together in a year and a half, and that you were probably asking her to be your date way too far in advance. 

“Unless you hate me by then,” You added, forcing a playful smirk across your lips. 

She rolled her eyes at you, swallowing her bite. “I won’t hate you by then, and I would love to be your date,”

You nodded. “I’ll talk to Alex and Kelley about getting a plus one,” 

Taylor hummed and took another bite, chewing slowly. “I also wanted to talk to you about maybe trying something new,”

You raised your eyebrow at her. “What did you have in mind?” 

“Well,” She started. “When we filled out the limits sheet you mentioned that you didn’t like all touches, so I thought we could maybe walk through those boundaries, and I’ve never seen you naked, which is kinda criminal,”

“So? You want to what?” You asked, watching her carefully. 

“Shower together,” She said, meeting your eyes. “This way it’s something we’ve done, just-“

 “I’ll actually take my clothes off this time?” You asked, meeting her eyes. 

“And you can show me where you’re comfortable being touched and where you’re not,” Taylor continued gently. “I think it might be a good exercise in intimacy without expectations,” 

You nodded, taking a shaky breath. “Ok,”

“Ok,” 

*****

Water cascaded down your body in ripples, rolling over the goosebumps that littered your skin. Your fingers tapped against your hips, as you tried to force yourself to relax. 

“We don’t have to do this Y/n,” Taylor said from behind the shower curtain. 

You thought that this would be… easier if you get into the water first. That it would ease the bubbling anxiety in your chest. 

It didn’t. But you weren’t ready to give up yet. You wanted to trust her. 

“No,” You said, your voice more shaky than you would have liked it to be. “It’s ok. You can get in,” 

You turned towards the water, letting the spray hit your face, as you heard the distinct crinkle of the shower curtain. 

You felt her warm presence behind you, though she didn’t reach out to touch you. 

You took a deep breath, steeling yourself before you turned back to face her. 

“I want to do this,” You mumbled, meeting her eyes, trying not to scan down her body. You appreciated that her blue orbs remained steadfastly locked with yours. 

“As long as you’re sure,” Taylor said softly. “You can tell me to stop at any point, and we will. Red, yellow and green still apply,” 

Your lip disappeared between your teeth and you nodded. 

You understood the stoplight system that the two of you had discussed. Red for stop, yellow for slow down or discuss first and green for good. You swore you would try for her, so you would. 

“Remember that I need a verbal?” Taylor asked you. 

“Yes. I’m ok. Green,” You said, your voice shaking more than you wanted it to. “Just…”

You looked away from her, finding a spot on the wall above her head. “Just go slow,”

“Of course,” Taylor promised you. “We’ll go at your pace. Even if today we just stand there, that’s ok,”

You nodded again. 

You didn’t like how… vulnerable you felt without your top on. 

It was too close. Too intimate and that’s part of the reason you had never done this with anyone before. 

But Taylor wasn’t just anyone.

You wanted to give Taylor this. 

You closed your eyes and let out a long breath. It shook as it left your lungs, disappearing into the steam building between you. 

You reached out slowly, catching her hands. “Let me show you where my boundaries are,” 

You went to tug her hands forward, but she resisted. 

“Can you look at me while we do this?” She asked, her voice gentle. “I want you to be present, here with me,”

It took you a very long second for you to open your eyes, and another for them to drag down her forehead and meet her blue. 

She smiled softly at you. “Thank you,”

Your head bobbed briefly, and you squeezed her hands. It shouldn’t be this hard for you to let someone touch you. 

The two of you stood there for several minutes before you gained the courage to pull her forward again. She went with you this time, letting you bring her hands to the hard lines of your stomach just below your belly button. 

“Here is ok,” You said, trailing her fingers up the center of your abs to your diaphragm before you moved them out to your sides and back down to the original level. 

“My whole back is ok too,” You murmured, feeling her nails dragging across your lower back, meeting at your spine. 

Your eyes slipped closed at the feeling. At how you could feel the body heat rolling off of her because of how close she was to you.

“Color?” She asked, and you could feel the words on your lips. 

Your eyes blinked open, meeting the fire burning in hers. “Green,”

“Good,” She said. “Stay with me, ok?”

“Ok,” You breathed back, as her fingers moved up your spine like she was counting each of them. 

You did your best to remind yourself that it was her hands on you as they finally reached your shoulders. They outlined your collarbone, and her thumbs brushed against your neck. 

It felt like a warm flame traveling from the point of her touch up to your cheeks, and down in your chest. 

“Will you let me wash your hair?” She asked, and her thumb swiped around your cheek. 

“Yeah,” You breathed out, making no move to grab your shampoo. You were afraid that if you’d turned, you would forget it was her. 

Her head tilted to the side. “Color?”

“Green, right now,” You murmured, more red flooding into your cheeks. “I just… I need to be able to see you when your hands are on me. When we’re… like this,”

“Ok,” Taylor agreed easily like it wasn’t a big ask at all. “I’ll stay where you can see me,”

You nodded, swallowing hard again. “Maybe we just do this today,” 

“That’s ok too,” Taylor hummed, her thumb running over your cheek to the sensitive skin behind your ear. “We’re doing this all at your pace,”

You swallowed hard again. “Thank you,”

Her lips tilted upwards. “Anything for you. I want you to enjoy our time together too. We’ll work up to the rest. My main concern is your comfort, and maintaining your boundaries. We’ll take it one step at a time,”

You could do that. You could do this. One step at a time. 

[chukys-mouthguard]

nights like this

3.3k words

featuring: auston matthews x female reader

genre: fluff, suggested smut

summary: Auston has just been named the newest captain of the Toronto Maple Leafs, and while you worry about pulling off a surprise dinner, Auston has his own surprise in store for you

Watching from the front row with Auston’s family, you tried your best to not get emotional. Partially because of not wanting to ruin your makeup, but the other half of you knowing Auston would surely laugh at you for it.

Auston had just been named the newest captain of the Toronto Maple Leafs, which was such an amazing accomplishment for him still so young in his career. John Tavares shook his hand as he presented Auston with the jersey, the two of them posing together before Auston did a few solo shots.

You smiled at him as you clapped along with the crowd, his eyes finding yours as he shot you a wink. His smile was bright as he held the jersey proudly. The news was not something he’d necessarily expected, but he was so honored to accept.

He’d come home from meetings earlier in the week, to which you assumed were standard team business. But as he greeted you in the kitchen asking to sit you down, you had grown nervous that he was delivering some bad news.

-

“Hey baby, smells good.”

Auston kissed your lips as you were preparing lunch. Wrapping his arms around your waist as he rested his head on your shoulder. Watching your hands as they were busy chopping up some veggies for the dish you were making.

“Is it too much to ask you to pause for a quick second? I’ve gotta talk to you.”

You’d dropped the knife almost immediately, his tone of voice catching you off guard as you grew nervous fast. Turning in the grip of his arms to face him you wiped your hands with a towel.

“Is everything okay?”

He softly smiled as he took your hand, leading you to the couch as he sat you down before taking a seat on the coffee table in front of you. His hands held tight to yours as he looked at the floor.

“Auston, baby, hurry up I’m freaking out inside! And lunch is gonna burn!”

He chuckled as he brought your hands to his lips, kissing them both before he finally opened his mouth to speak.

“So, as you know I had several meetings recently with the team, and it’s nothing bad. It’s actually pretty amazing, honestly. And today, they let me know that they are looking to take the organization in a new direction this season. That new direction is gonna start with me.”

Despite him telling you this was good news, it hadn’t yet sounded like anything good. It started to sound like somehow Auston was being traded with the way he chose to phrase this.

“You’re looking at the newest captain of the Toronto Maple Leafs.”

Your jaw fell to the floor as you stared at him, his smile grew from ear to ear as he watched your reaction. The tears subconsciously welled in your eyes as you were overcome with emotion, wanting to scream and run around the house. But also just wanting to hug him tight and never let him go.

“Auston, stop. You’re serious?”

He nodded his head laughing at your disbelief, “yes, hand to god baby.”

“Babe! I’m so proud of you!”

Jumping up from the couch you wrapped your arms around him as he stood up, lifting you off your feet as he hugged you. Your legs wrapping around his waist as you peppered his face with kisses. Auston just laughed at your reaction, carrying you back towards the kitchen as he saw a pot of water boiling on the stove.

“Auston this is amazing! Oh my gosh, we have to celebrate!”

He set you down as he tended to the boiling pot, stirring the water that was tasked with cooking some rice before he turned down the flame.

“Well, not yet. It hasn’t been announced yet. So we have to wait until next week to do any celebrating after the official reveal and announcement by the Leafs.”

You playfully groaned with a roll of your eyes as you wrapped your arms around him, hugging him tight as you were so in awe of him.

“Fine, I guess I’ll wait a week to let everyone know how amazing you are and how proud I am of you. I love you baby, and I’m seriously so fucking proud of you!”

-

Now the day was finally here to celebrate.

As Auston came down from the stage, the press conference now over, he stopped to hug each of his friends and family in the front row. Leaving you for last as he walked up with the biggest smile on his face.

“I told you no crying allowed today, you’re such a softie baby.”

He wrapped his arms around you as he chuckled, his teasing just making you smile as you couldn’t help your emotions. He kissed your lips before taking your hand in his as he continued through the room to greet and thank other familiar faces for coming.

Auston had kept you by his side for the remainder of the post-press conference festivities, his arm wrapped around your waist as his thumb traced circles over the fabric of your dress. You found it hard not to be in awe of him. To know all of these people were there to support him, to support this new chapter of the organization that was starting with him. To know they believed in a future with him as captain, it made you so proud to call him your boyfriend and get to the by his side throughout this new journey.

“You look stunning tonight baby.”

Auston pulled you in for a kiss as the two of you waited for the elevator, the press conference finally coming to an end after much media attention and thank you’s were expressed to the guests.

“And you look so handsome, Mr. Captain.”

You jokingly teased the nickname, still feeling like it wasn’t real as Auston simply rolled his eyes with a smile. Knowing that were surely going to enjoy that nickname a little too much, but he’d get over it.

The two of you took the elevator down to the parking garage, climbing into Auston’s car as he quickly replied to a couple texts before starting it up.

“Where to for dinner babe?”

You hadn’t told Auston but you planned a surprise celebratory dinner at one of his favorite restaurants for his family and closest friends. The secret was not an easy one to keep as he could usually sniff out a surprise from a mile away, and you were worried he had possibly found out from a teammate to ruin it.

“I actually arranged dinner for us tonight, as a little surprise for you.”

Auston looked at you with a smirk before backing out of his parking spot, it wasn’t that he didn’t like you making plans, he just loved being the one to spoil and take care of you so it never ceased to shock him when you did the same for him.

“Really? You arranged dinner? That’s a nice surprise, where to?”

You’d plugged the directions into his GPS for the restaurant, growing nervous that maybe he’d found out from someone about the surprise. Trying not to give Auston any sign that you were nervous as you sat in the passenger seat as his hand rested on your thigh, the only thing keeping you calm.

“Wow, I forgot how beautiful this place is. We haven’t been here in awhile, I’m excited.”

He leaned over giving you a kiss before you exited the vehicle for valet, Auston taking your hand in his as he led you up the small set of stairs to the restaurant. The hostess greeted you as you gave her the name of your reservation, soon following behind as she led you to the private back room.

You could feel your hand beginning to sweat in Auston’s grip, knowing that it wasn’t the end of the world if the surprise flopped, but you wanted to do this special for him.

Pulling him close to you as you approached the doors to the secluded dining room, you took a deep breath, anticipation slowly building to see his reaction to the room of people.

“Here you two are, right in here!”

The hostess beamed with a smile as you two turned the corner, the small group of friends and family instantly cheering as you came into their view. Auston immediately rolling his eyes with a smile, completely caught off guard by the surprise as he looked at you laughing.

“You did this? Baby, you’re amazing. Oh my gosh.”

He pulled you in for a kiss, wrapping his arms around you to be sure and let you feel how appreciative he was for the surprise. His hands cupping your face as he kissed you once more.

“Thank you baby, this is so special. I love you.”

“I love you too, Aus.”

Auston moved to mingle with the group which included his family, a handful of his teammates that were at his press conference, and a few close friends both from the league and from back home.

You took a seat next to Auston’s mom as you finally felt you could relax, a glass of wine immediately in hand as she offered you cheers in congratulations.

“You did it! Now you can relax and enjoy the night.”

A sigh leaving your lips as you nodded in agreement. So thankful that you’d managed to pull off the surprise, despite it being something small and intimate. You watched as Auston greeted his friends that flew into town, a big smile on his face as they all congratulated him on his captaincy. The only word to describe how you felt in the moment was proud, and you wouldn’t want to be anywhere else in the world than by his side.

“Everyone, if I could just take a second of your time before we wrap up the night.”

Auston stood at the front of the room as he gathered the attention of the group, smiling as some of his teammates were chanting for him to make a speech. To which he just playfully shook his head.

“I just wanted to thank each and every one of you for coming tonight, this means so much to me and it was such a pleasant surprise. I’m really excited for this new journey, and honored to be given this opportunity to be captain and I hope I can make the city proud, the fans proud, but also each of you proud so thank you. Lastly, y/n.”

Auston wasn’t an emotional person, but as he looked at you, you swore you saw him getting choked up or teary eyed.

“I don’t know how you pulled this off, mostly because I’m the biggest snoop and always ruin surprises. But this is incredible, and it means so much to me. You have been my rock for so many years, and to know I get to have you by my side as I navigate this new journey, I know that no matter what happens, I’ll be great as long as I’ve got you. So thank you babe, I love you.”

Auston raised a glass to you and the room as everyone reciprocated, all talking a drink together before a final cheer of the room erupted and everyone gathered their things to head out.

You and Auston had stayed to see all of the guests out before leaving, making sure to thank everyone individually once again. Finally heading home after what felt like the longest day, but one you would never forget.

You’d been quiet on the drive, Auston knowing it was a mixture of wine drunk and being tired, so he didn’t bother you much. His hand resting on your thigh as his thumb traced circles over the fabric, a smile on his face as you eventually laced your fingers with this.

“I’m so proud of you baby.”

He chuckled at your somewhat slowed speech from the wine, pulling your hand to his lips as he kissed the back of it. Before resting it on his thigh for the remainder of the drive.

“Thank you, for that, and for tonight. It was amazing, you’re amazing. Tonight was definitely nothing short of amazing.”

The fingernails of your free hand traced up and down his forearm as he pulled into the driveway of your shared home. Parking the car in the driveway before heading over to your door to help you out, but he’d soon realize the wine had certainly kicked your ass tonight.

“Aus, I cannot get out of this car. My heels won’t let me.”

He shook his head as he reached for your hands, helping you out of the car with a chuckle, the reaching back in to grab your bag that was sitting on the floor.

“Seems like someone calmed their nerves with a little red wine tonight huh?”

Pouting your face at him playfully you let out a sigh, doing your best to get yourself into the house on your own as a protest to his joking. Though only making it two steps before stumbling and needing Auston to steady you.

“Gosh baby, falling for me all over again?”

He playfully winked as he helped you regain your composure, laughing as you rolled your eyes at his awful joke.

“Auston Taylour Matthews I swear to-Ah!”

Without warning he scooped you off your feet, earning a slightly shocked yelp from you. A chuckle of embarrassment followed as he carried you inside, taking you into the kitchen where he set you onto the island as he began to work at figuring out the straps on your heels.

“Aus you’re never gonna get them off, just let me.”

“Hush, if I can figure out a bra strap one handed I can get a strap off on a heel.”

You rolled your eyes laughing at his choice of words, watching as he miraculously got the heels off in record time. Tossing them to the side, then resting his hands on either side of your hips as he smiled down at you.

“You were saying?”

He playfully pecked your lips as your fingers played with the chains that were peeking out from under his dress shirt.

“To be honest, you don’t always figure out the bra straps, you’ve definitely just ripped a few bras off of me from time to time.”

Auston rolled his eyes as he discarded his suit jacket, tossing it into the back of the couch before rejoining you in the kitchen.

“Semantics!”

His fingers played with the fabric of your dress at your hips as he placed kisses along your exposed collar bone. His demeanor becomes a bit more timid before you as he wraps his arms around your waist, pulling you into his chest.

Your hands now resting at the back of his neck, fingers playing with his hair as you both just sat in this moment, enjoying the first real opportunity to just be with one another after such a long day.

“Baby?”

“Hmm?”

As you hummed your response, Auston pulled himself from you as he let out a sigh. The look on his face makes you nervous despite your wine buzz that has overtaken you. His expression was one you couldn’t exactly read as he took your hands in his, the anticipation causing your heart to race.

“Aus, what is it? You’re making me nervous!”

You giggled to hopefully calm his nerves, to which he apologized, not trying to scare you. With another sigh, he took your hands in his as he smiled at you.

“I’m just so incredibly thankful for you. For this night, and every night I get with you. Today was such a long day, of course exciting, but also tiring. And to be able to come home and spend moments like this with you, it’s the best thing in the world.”

You wanted to blame the wine for the tears you felt forming, but knew that would be a lie, your emotions always so easy to elicit when it came to Auston.

“Auston, thank you baby. That means so much to me, I’m so thankful to get to do this with you and be by your side.”

He nodded at you as his own tears were now in his eyes, catching you off guard as he was rarely one to cry. Your hands immediately went to his face to wipe his tears, making him laugh as he could barely get any words out.

“I’m okay, I just. I’ve realized over these last few weeks, that you truly are the best thing that’s ever happened to me. You are by my side through the best times, but more importantly the worst times and the toughest times. And in this new chapter, being captain, I have no idea what that will bring for me. But I know that I can’t do any of it without you by my side.”

You were hanging on every last word as he spoke, trying not to ugly cry at the kitchen island as you knew he’d surely poke fun at you for it, but the moment was certainly getting the best of you.

As Auston paused, he opened up the drawer at the counter behind him, taking a deep breath before he turned back to face you. Your eyes immediately searched for what he’d pulled from the drawer.

“Y/n, baby, I know now that you’re my person. I’ve known from the day I met you that you were it for me. You have made me a better man, and I want to continue to be that man for you now and forever. I’m ready to start a new journey with you, to make a promise to love and cherish you forever, to start a family and grow old with you. So, y/n—“

Auston’s arm moved from behind his back to reveal a small black box, with the most amazing ring you’d ever seen. A gasp leaving your lips as you were now certainly ugly crying, but you didn’t care. The emotions overtaking you as you were too stunned to speak.

“Will you marry me?”

Without any hesitation you nodded your head, nervous that if you went to speak you’d say the wrong thing or no words would come out. Auston jokingly confirming with you that you did in fact want to say yes, you simply couldn’t form the words.

He slid the ring on your finger as you could barely hold still, shaking at the sight of the symbol that represented everything he’d just spoken but also so much more.

You immediately pulled him in for a kiss, never wanting to let him go. To stay in this exact moment forever and ever, feeling so in love and on top of the world.

“Oh my god, Auston I can’t believe this!”

You shrieked as you threw your arms around his neck, Auston picking you from the counter as he spun you around. Peopering your face with kisses as he carried you down the hall and towards the staircase to head upstairs.

As he laid you down in bed, you couldn’t stop staring at the ring, earning a sarcastic groan from him as he began to discard his dress shirt. Soon climbing into bed as he hovered over you, peppering your face with kisses before moving down to your neck. His eyes looking up to see you still stealing glances at the ring while you tried to enjoy the moment with Auston.

“Babe, if you can’t stop starting I’m gonna take it away.”

You quickly averted your gaze from your hand, pulling his face up to yours in a kiss that was at first soft and apologetic but soon turned deep and passionate as Auston’s hands snaked up your dress and explored each and every one of your curves. A hand stopping to cup your cheek as he took control of the kiss, his tongue fighting yours for dominance to which you obliged. Smirking against his lips as he slowly pulled away, but not without a playful nibble at your bottom lip.

“I love you Auston Matthews.”

“And I love you, Mrs. Auston Matthews.”

[thetriumphantpanda]

it's new, the shape of your body | javier peña

Take The Weight Off His Shoulders - Chapter Five

Chapter Summary | A dead end following a lead at work leaves you tense, with Javi only too happy to help you destress.

Chapter Warnings | Mention of drugs, drug related violence and the drugs trade. Zero knowledge of how journalists find information in the 90s but we ride with it. Explicit smut, these two do some stuff in public that the lord wouldn't approve, fingering, Javi is a dirty talking menace.

Pairing | dbf!Javier Peña x F!Reader

Word Count | 3.5K

Authors Note | So, as well as being a sexy little dbf!Javi fic, this also has another overarching plot that I'm starting to introduce in this chapter - I really hope you like the addition of this other part of the story, as well as these two finally getting it on! Another huge shoutout to @undercoverpena who has been such a rock with this chapter, helping me smooth out the kinks to get it to where I wanted it to be. Thank you for the support so far. If you're enjoying this then reblogs and comments really do help and if you’d like to support me further, please consider a donation to my Ko-Fi. 

I no longer use taglists. Please follow @thetriumphantpandanotifs to be notified of new updates.

Series Masterlist | Main Masterlist | Ko-Fi | Series Playlist

There’s a spring in your step when you walk into work on Monday. You’d spent all of Sunday is some sort of daze, thinking about what had happened with Javi and all the things that he’d promised you over the phone. You let your hand wander a little on Sunday night, bringing yourself off to his promise of showing you exactly what you’d been missing, so much so that the lack of sleep from keeping yourself awake didn’t bother you as you sat down at your desk, taking out your notes to start working on the piece for the newspaper about the drugs bust in town last week. 

“You seem more chipper this morning,” Your boss muses, setting down a mug of coffee next to you like she always does each morning, “You sleeping better?” 

The answer is no, not really, just that you’re awake for a far better reason that pining for your dad’s buddy, now you’re awake because he wants you just as much as you want him and those daydreams and the visions that come to you in your dreams are far nicer to deal with than the wondering of if you were going to make a fool out of yourself in front of him. 

“Yeah, much better, thanks,” You smile, picking up the mug to take a sip, “I’m gonna start working on the bust story today, hopefully it’ll be ready by the end of the day.” 

She places a hand on your shoulder and gives you a squeeze, “Nice work,” She smiles back at you, “Your stories have been really well received recently.” 

She leaves you to it, letting you open your notebook, you rip the old pages out, lie them out on the desk in front of you, picking up a pen, putting it to the fresh page to start formulating the bare bones of the story.   

It’s easy to start with the facts. 

1. There’s a house in town had been involved in a police raid.

2. A large amount of both cocaine and marijuana had been seized.

3. The house had been empty.

4. The police had spoken to the neighbours.

You circle the last point on your notepad: no-one could figure out who would be responsible for storing that amount of drugs at the address. Staring at it, seeing it in a new order, your brain begins to think, wondering about how you might be able to dig deeper.

Something, the instinct that made all of this possible, tells you to start with who owns the house. Fingers typing, suddenly remembering that you’d overheard your dad talking with your mom a few days ago about how they’d tried that avenue and come up at a loss down at the station, but not why. 

Opening the webpage for the public records for the county, your fingers drill in the address, clicking on the search result that pops up. Leaning forward in your chair, chin propped on your palm, you scan the information in front of you. There’s a list of everyone who had ever owned the address since it was built, starting from the first all the way down to the last, which is where you realise what the dead end is. The last owner was dead. Had been for almost a year, and the property was waiting to go up for sale again, which meant whoever had been storing the drugs in the house was squatting. 

You let out a frustrated sigh, because if the police can’t figure it out from here then what makes you think you can. Except, when you sit there, tapping your fingers against the desk in frustration and realise you’d been there. You’d been in that house a few months ago with Liv, who had dragged you to some kind of party. 

Almost automatically you’re reaching for the phone and dialing the number you’ve got memorized for her. She picks up on the third ring. 

“Hello, this is Laredo insurance, you’re speaking to Liv, how can I help?” 

You bite back a giggle at her customer service voice, it’s so unlike the girl you really know, “Hello bestie,” You greet, which has her gasping down the phone. 

“Oh my god have I forgotten a lunch date?” She asks. 

“No, it’s okay, don’t panic,” You say, “It’s a really random question, but you know that party we went to a few months ago, do you know who hosted it?” 

You can hear her clicking her tongue in the background as she thinks, “I can’t even remember who invited us,” She sighs, as do you, “I think I just heard about it from someone, who’d heard about it from someone else.” 

“God damn it.” You mumble, head in your hand. 

“Is it important?” 

“I don’t know,” You answer honestly, “It was the place that got busted last week, and I’m just trying to do some digging, but it’s okay, I’m sure if it’s meant to be I’ll figure it out.” 

“I have every faith in you,” You can tell she’s smiling on the other end, “Listen, I gotta bounce, but how about we do drinks later on this week?” 

“Sounds good, phone me later and we can sort it out.” 

“Alright, bye bestie!” 

You laugh and wish her a goodbye, deciding you’ve gone as far as you can with this for today. You save what you have of the story, thinking you could send it to your boss for approval as is, but deep down you know there’s something here you can pull on, something bigger than just busting a house full of drugs and taking them off the streets to be dealt, so you keep it to yourself for the rest of the day. 

“I’m heading out,” Your boss speaks as she walks past your desk on the way out, “Did you get the story finished?” 

A smile thrown her way in response, trying to cover the fact that you want more time, “Almost,” You speak, “Just a few more tweaks and a couple of things I want to check, but I’ll get it to you as soon as I can.” 

She nods, seemingly pleased that you’re wanting to make it as perfect as possible, “No rush, we can hold it for a few days until you’re happy with it.” 

“Thank you, I appreciate it.” 

“Well, you have yourself a good evening and I’ll see you tomorrow.” 

You wish her the same, watching as she heads out, leaving you in the office alone. You sigh, annoyed that there’s nothing further you can really do. You save the document, gathering your things and deciding you can worry about what to do next tomorrow. 

When you emerge from the front door of the office and look across the parking lot to your car, you’re taken aback to find Javier’s truck parked in the space right next to it. He’s leaning against the driver’s side of the truck, casual as anything, with his ankles crossed over each other and his arms crossed over his chest. He notices you stood still, motions you with his head to come over. 

Your feet carry you across the parking lot, shoulders heavy with stress and that niggling feeling that you’ve been missing something all day, the one thing that’s going to make you realise what’s going on, but seeing Javi slip his aviators off his face and tuck them into his shirt, shooting a smile your way, you feel a little better. 

“What are you doing here?” 

He shrugs, in that cool, casual way that he always does, “Wanted to see you,” He reaches out, taking your hand in his to pull you closer, but does so whilst looking around, making sure no-one either of you know can see you, “Wanted to do this.”

Then he leans down, presses his lips to yours, one hand cradling your cheek. It’s different to the kiss at the ranch, it’s not rushed. He keeps his lips pressed against your own for a while, pulling away, but planting one right on your forehead as he leans back against the car. 

You bite your bottom lip between your teeth, smiling a little as you feel the temperature rise across your face, “How did you know what time I finished?” 

“Lucky guess,” He shrugs, “Thought if you didn’t come out within an hour I’d have just gone home, tried again tomorrow.” 

“You would have waited for me for an hour?” You chuckle, leaning against your own car behind you. 

“Yeah,” He nods with a smile, “Would wait a lot longer but you know how it is, things to do.” 

You settle your back against the passenger side of your car, rubbing a hand up one of your arms, “You seem tense,” Javi observes, “What’s up?” 

You consider telling him the whole story, but there’s something niggling in the back of your mind that this is something you should keep to yourself for a while, just until you can try digging for more information first. If you keep drawing up blanks then you can ask him, see if his expertise can offer any ideas, but for now, you keep it vague. 

“It’s just work,” You shrug, “Deadlines and stuff, but I’ll be okay.” 

You watch him look at you, those beautiful brown eyes looking directly into your own, his mouth pulled into a smirk, “You wanna take a drive?” He asks, head tilting to his truck, “Let me help with some of that stress.” 

That familiar pool of arousal is settling in your tummy, excitement thrumming through your veins at what he means. He wants to touch you, and God do you want to touch him right back. But it’s getting late, and you know you’re parents are going to wonder where you are soon enough. There’s not enough time to go driving around, but you think there’s just enough time for something else. 

You grin back at him, reaching to grasp his wrist in your hand, somewhat aware of how big he is when you can’t fit your fingers all the way round it. You drag him back across the parking lot, and down the side of the your office building. It’s a small alley, definitely not the most romantic spot, but at least it doesn’t smell, and unless someone is coming looking, you’re not going to be disturbed, most people having gone home from the offices on either side of you. 

You go down just far enough that you’re in the shadows, far enough that even if someone did wander past, you’re going to be hidden as much as possible. You drop his hand as you lean back against the brick wall, staring at him as he takes a step closer to you, hands settling on your waist. 

“You want me here?” He speaks lowly, bringing his face closer to yours, so close that you could reach up on your toes and kiss him, but you want to see if he breaks first. 

You nod your head, tipping it back against the brick, shoving your hips off the wall as some kind of hint to him, “What do you want, hermosa?” 

“Want you to touch me, Javi.” You breathe, leaning up just a touch so he can feel the breath from your lips across his. 

“But I already am.” He smirks, eyes flitting to where his hands are resting on your hips. 

With a roll of your eyes, you reach your own hand down your body, coming to rest of the waistband of your work trousers. You motion your head a little, dragging Javi’s eyes down to where your hand is resting on the button of your trousers, making sure he’s watching when you pop it open, dragging the zip down and then leaving it like that. 

His own hand trails from your right hip, warm fingers brushing the skin you’ve revealed, but he doesn’t move them further, just lets his fingers rest on the skin as he brings his lips to your jaw, kissing softly from your chin, all the way up to the delicate skin behind your ear, “Want me to touch you here?” He all but growls into your ear as his hand sinks beneath your trousers, wide palm cupping you through your underwear, bringing a gasp from your throat, “Yeah, sounds like you do baby.” 

You bring your hands up to rest on his shoulders – something to grip onto as his fingers trace along the seam of your pussy through the thin cotton of your panties. His touch is gentle, but the way his mouth is pressing hot and wet to the skin across your neck is anything but. It’s searing, and exciting, and wrong but in all the right ways. 

“If I dip my fingers under here,” He asks, fingers toying with the elastic of your panties, “You gonna be wet for me, querida?” 

“W-why don’t you find out?” You choke out, feeling him smile against the skin of your neck as his fingers dip just below the waistband of your panties, fingers dragging over the curls on your mound, down lower, until they’re so close to where you want them. 

He dips his fingers through your folds, slipping them into you so easily. Your mouth drops open, his own so close to yours that you could feel his lips on yours as you moan, his fingers dragging out of you and up to your clit, where he starts gently circling. 

“What’s got you all worked up, eh?” He asks, his other hand coming to grip your chin, forcing you to look at him, your mouth dropped open as he works his fingers across your clit, “Can’t just be from me right here,” He muses, “You been sat at your desk thinking about me?” 

He presses his fingers more firmly across your clit, it feels so good, the way he’s working you, “T-think about you a-all the time.” You croak out from your throat, hips starting to move with his hand, needing something more. 

“Naughty little thing,” He breathes into your ear, teeth nibbling lightly at your earlobe as his fingers drag from your clit back down to where you’re so slick for him, his fingers slipping back inside you, but curling up, finding a spot inside you that no-one had even shown you existed until now, “Feel good?” He asks, “You tell me what works, okay?” 

You nod, two of his fingers working in and out of you. It feels good, but it’s nothing compared to the way he made you feel before, when his fingers trailed over your clit in little circles. You grip his wrist, “Outside,” You say simple, “Like how you were doing it before.” 

He presses his lips to yours, dragging his fingers back up through your folds, using his middle finger to draw light circles over your swollen bundle of nerves, “Like this?” He asks, which is punctuated with a moan from your lips. It’s loud enough this time that his free hand is flying to cover your mouth with his palm, shushing you as he presses his body against yours, pinning you in place, his own excitement no longer hidden from you. You can feel the bulge of his cock through his jeans, pressing into your side as the movement of his fingers speeds up, just a touch. 

Whilst it’s a familiar feeling – it’s the way you’re used to bringing yourself off, more often than not to the thought of the very man in front of you – there’s something so different about Javi being the one to have you dangling over the edge, teetering on the edge of pleasure just with his fingers. 

“Tell me, bebita,” He coos into your ear, “Has anyone else ever made you come?” 

His palm is still covering your mouth, so you can’t speak, so all you do is shake your head in response, watching as his eyes darken and he sticks his bottom lip out a little in a pout, “Poor girl,” He says, his middle finger speeding up just a touch again, pressing harder, “Shall we fix that?” He asks, which has you nodding your head so ferociously that it should be embarrassing, “Go on then,” He coaxes, “I know you’re close, just let go for me.” 

If someone had told you months ago, before he’d reappeared in town, that Javier Peña would be the first man to make you cum, pressed against the brick wall of your office, with his hand clamped around your mouth to stop you from crying out, you’d have told them to get lost. 

Your entire body shakes as your orgasm starts to ripple through you. White hot pleasure explodes across your lower body, your fingers dig into Javi’s shoulders, fisting the material of his shirt as he finally drops his hand from your mouth, gripping at your waist to keep your upright when the shaking of your legs threatens to topple you to the ground. His fingers are moving across you more slowly, but are adding just enough pressure to work you through those aftershocks, until it becomes too much. 

Your forehead hits his shoulder, your hands wrapping around the breadth of his broadness as he drags his hand from your trousers, slipping both around your back to drag you into his body, “Did so good for me, querida.” He praises, rubbing a soothing hand up and down your spine through your shirt. 

“Felt good.” You manage to mumble into the material covering his shoulder, pushing yourself back up and off him, hand trailing down his chest to try and touch him, return the favour, but he’s gripping your wrist to stop you. 

“Not tonight,” He says, “Just wanted to make you feel good.” 

“But-” You try to protest, but his grip on your wrist is strong and you can’t move it. 

“I promise I’ll let you return the favour, but not tonight, okay?” 

You nod your head. Javi brings his hands to your trousers, zipping them back up and pushing the button through the buttonhole. He tugs the hem of your shirt back into place, before he presses a kiss to the tip of your nose. He glances at the watch on his wrist, clocking the time, “It’s late, querida,” He sighs, “We better get you on the road.” 

And it’s a strange feeling, that this tiny little bubble is bursting so soon. You know it’s important to keep this under wraps, you’re sure no-one would be pleased to find out that Javier Peña, your dad’s friend, had been pinning you to a wall and coaxing an orgasm from you with his fingers, and there’s something about the secrecy of it all that makes it more exciting, but as you walk back to your respective vehicles, Javi so far away that you can’t reach out to touch him, it stings a little. Stings a little that you’re not going to get to be normal with him, that for now, your relationship, whatever that might be, is going to be kept secret, clandestine meetings and stolen glances wherever possible, when all you really want to do is grasp his hand in yours and shout to everyone that he belongs to you. 

“We going to make this a habit?” You ask, unlocking your door and sliding into the drivers seat. 

Javi keeps a hang on the top of the door, keeping it open for a while, “What?” He smirks, “Pressing you up against brick walls?” 

“Pressing each other against brick walls,” You correct, “It’s your turn next time.” 

He runs a ringer over his bottom lip, a habit you’ve known for years is something he does when he’s nervous or stressed, “I need you to know if I didn’t have to keep you a secret, I wouldn’t, okay?” You smile up at him, nodding your head, “I promise it won’t always have to be like this, but just for now, okay?” 

“Okay,” You nod, “Now give me a kiss goodbye and let me go home.” 

He does just that, leans down and gives you a kiss, one that you would class as proper this time, where he opens his mouth against yours, licks into your mouth, the coarse hair above his lip scratching lightly at your skin. He pulls away just a touch, pecking you on the lips once, then twice, then a final time, when you grip the collar of his shirt to keep him there just a little moment more. 

“Go home, Javi.” You giggle when you finally let him go, “I’ll see you soon.” 

He gives you a final chaste kiss to your lips then shuts your door for you, walking around your car to get in his truck. You wonder for a while if there’s going to a weird stand-off between the two of you, but he turns the key in his ignition and drives off with a final wave, leaving you to do the same. 

When you pull up outside your home, you pull the mirror down, make sure nothing on your face gives away what you’d just been up to, smoothing down your hair. You take a second to take a few deep breaths, before you step out, going back to being the innocent daughter your parents still believe you to be. 

[sokkigarden]

dancing with our hands tied (part iv)

jamie tartt x female reader // nsfw 18+ // fwb

masterlist // read on ao3

summary: an emotional spiral sends you to jamie's doorstep… again

word count: 3k

this chapter took it OUT of me but i actually think this might be my fav chapter so far?? eeeee excited to share w you guys :) thanks to @hopefulromances for challenging me to write and trade feedback last night! sometimes u just need a lil extra motivation 😩🫶

༻✧✧✧༺

“Hey, you’re friends with Jamie, right?”

You looked up from where you were sitting at your desk to find Zach in the doorway. You were startled by his appearance. 

After getting drinks last week, you’d gone back to his place and fell into bed. He was fun and flirty and you both had a good time, but once it was late, he asked if you needed a ride home. You’d left after calling a ride, trying not to overthink it. It was just the beginning after all.

But it had been a week since then. Zach had been keeping his distance at work and hadn’t been responding to your texts that much. You figured he was busy with the new job, so you kept yourself busy as well. But that didn’t resolve the sinking feeling in your gut.

And now Zach was standing in front of you. Asking about Jamie Tartt of all things.

“Huh?” You knew you sounded dumb but you weren’t sure why Zach was asking if you were friends with Jamie.

“Did I do something to upset him?”

“What?” you sputtered. “Um, I don’t think so.”

Despite your confusion, you had also noticed Jamie’s coldness toward the new nutritionist. Richmond had a big facility and a lot of people employed, but after Ted Lasso brought his camaraderie and positivity to the entire club, it was easy to see when someone was being off-putting. 

Since last week, you hadn’t spoken to Jamie outside of your scheduled physio treatments. You weren’t typically alone during your appointments, and it was always after his ludicrous amount of training which left him tired, so you hadn’t had the chance to talk to him much.

“Maybe you’re reading too much into things?” you suggested. “He’s always been kinda rocky– you’ve heard the stories.”

You didn’t mention that those stories were from more than two years ago. You didn’t mention that he had been much better in recent months. 

“Maybe….” Zach replied, scratching the back of his head. 

You clearly didn’t have the answer he wanted, and the room fell into silence. You looked back at the work you had open on your computer screen, before taking a deep breath and being brave.

“Hey, so I had a fun time last week,” you started with a smile. “Would you, maybe, want to go out again?”

Zach suddenly looked like he wanted to be anywhere but in the treatment room with you. You tried not to let the feeling in your gut sink even further, but you could feel the smile falling off your face.

“Oh, um, I’m gonna be busy for the next few weeks, so….” he trailed off.

You pressed your lips into a firm line, nodding once. You didn’t need to hear anything else; he was clearly not interested in pursuing you further. 

The insecurities that had lingered for a week resurfaced from the corners of your mind. You’d gotten your hopes up again, and he clearly wasn’t on the same page. It was fine. You were getting the brush off. Nothing you hadn’t experienced before.

You just wished you’d known this wasn’t going to be anything when you went into it. It had taken time, with each heartbreak, but you thought you had built up walls to prevent yourself from getting hurt again. 

“Okay, yeah,” you said, “Don’t worry about it.”

Zach gave you a smile that looked more like a grimace before leaving you alone.

How had everything gone to such shit?

There’s a reason you’d made it clear with Jamie that your relationship was just sex. If it was explicitly just sex, then you wouldn’t let yourself form an emotional attachment. No point in letting your brain drift into romantic feelings. It never worked out anyways.

Thinking of Jamie brought you back to the first thing Zach said. Was there a reason Jamie was being a dick to him? You hadn’t seen them interact much other than at the bar last week. While you had wanted to bite Jamie’s head off at first, by the time you had a chance to say something, he had left. There was a lot left unsaid.

And if here was anything that would get your mind off things, it would be bickering with Jamie. 

You checked your watch, realizing most of the players were gone by this time of evening. You finished up the report you were working on. It was probably time for you to head home too. 

And maybe you’d pay Jamie a visit on the way home, too.

༻✧✧✧༺

Not even twenty minutes later, you were knocking on Jamie’s door unannounced. You hadn’t been there since last week, but there were no cars except his parked outside, so you assumed he was the only one home. 

When he opened the door, he seemed surprised to see you, his face going through about half a dozen different expressions before settling on raising his eyebrow in question.

“Stop being a dick to Zach,” you said in lieu of greeting, walking into his home. 

Jamie shut the door and pursed his lips. He clearly hadn’t expected to be instantly berated, but it was easier to act mad at Jamie than deal with being upset with yourself.

“Aren’t I a dick to everyone?” he asked.

“No, you aren’t,” you rolled your eyes, and said in a smaller voice, “Not anymore.”

You crossed your arms. “But you are acting like an asshole to Zach. Everyone sees it.”

Jamie scoffed, shaking his head. 

“Sorry,” he said, with a defeated tone, “You can tell your boyfriend I didn’t mean anything by it.”

Now it was your turn to sound defeated, “He’s not my boyfriend.”

Jamie’s face perked up at that.

“Oh yeah? Thought you two were gettin’ cozy. Gettin’ drinks at Bones and Honey.” 

If it was anyone else, you’d think he sounded jealous, but there was no reason for Jamie to be jealous over you. He was just poking your open wound at this point.

You huffed out a breath of air, letting your arms fall to their sides. 

“He brushed me off,” you said, “If we didn’t work together, he probably would’ve ghosted me by now.”

All the frustration from the past few hours, the past few days, the past week, felt like it was bubbling to the surface. It wasn’t even like this was a new thing. You were just tired of the same thing always happening. Even when you tried to protect yourself, you still ended up getting hurt.

You were so focused on blinking rapidly to dispel the tears in your eyes that you didn’t notice Jamie wrapping you in a tight hug. You stood frozen for a moment, before wrapping your arms around his torso and nuzzling your face into his shoulder. 

The hug was so tight and warm and surprising, but it made you feel the best you’d felt in weeks, months. You didn’t even realize you were fully crying until you moved slightly and felt the wet patch of fabric on his shoulder. 

You pulled away a bit and tried taking some deep breaths, while Jamie brushed his fingers through your hair. As soon as he whispered your name, you pulled back further, still enveloped in his arms. 

“Sorry, sorry, I know this isn’t what we normally do,” you said. Your relationship consisted of arguments and sex, not tears and warm hugs. 

He shook his head, leaning in to press a kiss to your forehead. “What’s wrong?” 

The tender tone, the soft look in his eyes, the delicate physical contact, made you start crying all over again. He gently led the two of you over to the couch, sitting down with you in his lap. 

“I just–” you sniffled, and it all came spilling out. “I just don't know what I'm doing ever. Everything I do seems wrong. I try to go after the things I want and it's never enough. I give too much, and yet not enough, and- and it's all shit.” 

Jamie’s brows furrowed together as you stared at his face. You focused on the line of his jaw and the grooves of his nose instead of his eyes. You didn’t want to meet his eyes. His hand gently grasped your chin to direct your gaze.

“You’re okay,” he murmured, as you held eye contact. “Things are hard, but they’ve always been hard, and you’ve made it through. You deserve good things. You’ll get them. You have them.” 

Those words were tender and sweet and all you wanted to hear, but a part of you refused to let yourself believe them.

“Yeah, okay,” you rolled your eyes lightly. “I guess.”

He let out a huff of frustration, before rearranging you to straddle his thighs. His arms squeezed your shoulders, but not in a domineering way; it felt soft, comforting. 

His hands were warm as they ran across your skin to your cheeks, holding your face to keep your eyes connected. He wiped the tears from your cheeks. His face held a hundred emotions and you weren’t sure what to make of any of it. 

“You have me,” he said.

You took a sharp intake of breath at his words. The words burned into your mind.

It was true. You did have Jamie. And he had you. In some sort of way. And for now, it would be enough.

He placed a soft kiss to your forehead, and then to both of your cheeks, lingering so close you could feel his exhales and swore you could hear your heartbeats in the space between. 

Then, he seized your mouth in a kiss, and it was like no other kiss you’d shared with him. While others were passionate and full of angry emotions, this was full of something raw, something untethered to your pre-existing idea of Jamie.

As you explored each other's mouths, you found yourself grinding against his lap, letting a moan out as you felt overcome with emotion. His hands ran through your hair, and you flexed your fingers under the fabric of his shirt, feeling the expanse of warm skin on his stomach. 

You tugged his shirt over his head, which broke the kiss, but you took the moment to take a breath. He kissed your cheek, your jaw, your neck, as he moved to remove your shirt as well. 

“Fuck, angel,” he said, and it felt like you were seeing each other for the first time.

It didn’t take long to remove more clothes, explore more of each other, before you finally sat down, feeling his dick slide into you. 

For a brief minute, you were frozen, breathing in each other’s air, staring at each other, taking in the moment. Then, he’s rocking into you and you’re meeting his thrusts, but it's slow, it's choppy in a heavenly way that you didn’t realize could exist between the two of you. 

“This feel good, yeah?” he asked, and you replied with a whimper of an affirmation. “Tell me this dick makes you feel good.”

“It does,” you managed to say, “You make me feel…”

He moved his hips in a way that made you see stars, leaving the last of your sentence unfinished. You scraped your nails through his hair, hearing something like a growl at the back of his throat. The sound spurred you on, rocking your hips with more determination.

“That’s it, baby, that’s a good girl,” he panted, reaching to connect your lips once more. 

You wanted to swallow him whole, wanted this moment to never end. His words were hot, but also flooded you with a different kind of warmth. You wondered if he even knew what he was saying. 

He tore his lips away after a moment and while you tried to gasp for breath, his next words made you nearly come on the spot.

“My good girl,” he whispered across your ear, before gripping your hips and focusing on where the two of you were connected.

The possessiveness in his voice tracked fire through your veins. 

You were close. You had to be. Despite how much you wanted to make this last forever, the heightened emotions were making things too much. You were feeling everything so intensely. 

He knew you were close, as he said, “Hey, look at me.”

You caught his eyes, watching each other’s faces as you finally came. Your jaw hung open, gripping his shoulders. You clenched around him as you rode out your high, and he came soon after. 

You sat there for a few moments, listening to your breathing and heartbeats mixing together. 

His hands drifted across your back in lazy motions as you nuzzled your cheek into the crook between his shoulder and neck. Jamie’s heartbeat was in his throat, his pulse racing. You could barely process everything you were feeling. What must he be feeling?

You had definitely calmed down after your spiral earlier this evening. Being with Jamie seemed to make everything else melt away. 

He readjusted you on his lap and pulled up his underwear. He grabbed his shirt from earlier and slipped it over your head. He cleared his throat, but didn’t fully pull away from you.

“I know you usually leave but,” he picked you up as he stood from the couch, “Not lettin’ you go home and spiral more. You’re staying tonight. Come on.”

He led you upstairs to his room, grabbing some new clothes from the dresser before guiding you into the bathroom. 

You didn’t do anything as you watched him turn on the shower and wait until the temperature was hot. It had been a while since you’d been in a shower with someone else, but you had a feeling this wasn’t going to be like those times. 

As soon as the shower was a good temperature, he stepped in, beckoning you to join him. He was offering without forcing you. You fought the smile creeping onto your face at his gentle expression. 

He guided you under the stream of water, combing his hands through your hair and lathering it with shampoo. The entire bathroom filled with the familiar smell of his hair products, and you felt a sense of satisfaction at knowing your own hair would smell like his soon. 

You took turns washing each other, nearly silent the entire time. It was an intimate act, and you found yourself clinging to Jamie maybe even more than earlier. 

You could feel the trails of tears across your cheeks from earlier wash away, but you could now barely remember why you’d been crying. Over some boy at work? You were all wrapped up in Jamie in the present moment. 

But this is what you’d been afraid of all along. This thing with Jamie was no longer just sex to you. And you’d known from the beginning, that if you let yourself fall for Jamie, it was over. He would ruin everyone else for you. 

What, with his silly outfits, and funny yet frustrating conversations, and the way he seemed to know your body even better than you did. 

You doubted this was anything else for him, you didn’t fit the profile of people he dated, you told yourself not to get your hopes up. You had shoved those feelings in a drawer at the back of your mind and hoped if you told yourself it was just sex, you wouldn’t fall for him.

But somewhere between the arguments and the sex, you held real conversations with him, confided in him, looked forward to seeing him each day.

Maybe it was already too late. The thought had your eyes welling up with more tears, but luckily you were facing the shower wall, as he rinsed the conditioner out of your hair. 

By the time the both of you were done, the tears had subsided, and you turned around to give him a watery smile. 

When you stepped out of the shower, Jamie wrapped you in a fluffy towel and your heart squeezed at the domesticity of it all. 

“Better?” he asked.

You nodded. You were feeling a lot better. Even if you were finally acknowledging the romantic feelings wedged deep inside of you. Even if those romantic feelings ended up being your downfall.

He grabbed the clothes he’d brought into the bathroom and divided them between you both. Two pairs of sweat shorts and two t-shirts. You knew you were going to drown in the fabric before you even put them on. You were proven right as he slid the shorts up your legs and tied off the drawstring to keep them up. You both chuckled at the sight.

After brushing your teeth, stealing some of Jamie’s skincare, and drying your hair, you didn’t have any objections as you both got into bed. He pulled you halfway across the mattress, to wrap his arms around you in the middle of the bed. 

“I’ve got training with Roy at four a.m., but I’ll be back before you wake up. Usually get back for breakfast around seven.” Jamie mumbled as he turned off the bedside lamp and wrapped his arms around you.

“Four in the morning?” you asked, “What are you going to do, bury a body?”

He chuckled, “Wouldn’t put it past Grandad, but no, we usually just go for a run.”

You shook your head at the absurdity. Even though you worked at the football facility, it was easy to forget that Jamie was a professional athlete when it was just the two of you, tucked away beneath his sheets.

As you felt yourself getting sleepy, you traced the tattoos across Jamie’s forearm in the faint light, feeling his breathing deepen as he drifted off to sleep. The lull of his exhales across your earlobe soon brought sleep to you as well.

[dumbslxtclub]

what abt eddie x powered reader , he doesn’t know she has powers and they’re best friends, they are both too scared to admit their feelings and he goes on a date w another girl , so reader and eddie argue and she cries but when she does the lights r flickering and hes so confused but she has to confess eventually

delicate in every way (but one) | e.m

eddie munson x powered!reader

content warnings: fem!reader, adult language, adult themes, angst, hurt/comfort, some canon divergence/au, reader is 19, angst, FLUFFY fluff, no use of y/n, minor themes of anxiety (power related)

word count: 3.3K+

a/n: hi everyone, sorry for the hiatus!! life has been crazy lately, so I'm excited to share this request with you all xx

Shuffling through the chaos you call your locker, worry creeps in that, in your morning rush, you left the assigned Geometry homework in your bedroom. Casting your mind back, you recall having your jacket in one hand while you nudged the front door open, toast jammed in your mouth, and something in your other hand-

A ringed hand slams down on the locker beside you, causing you to jolt at the sound of metal on metal. The Cheshire-cat grin spread across your best friend’s face indicates his satisfaction with your reaction, the brunt of his weight finding the doors.

“T’s not good for you to think that hard. Causes wrinkles, y’know?” 

“You’re gonna give me wrinkles, Munson.” Eddie smiles, always up for a banterous exchange between the two of you. He places an unlit cigarette between his plump lips, nestling the white filtered tip between rosy flesh. “Seriously?! Are you trying to get detention for the third time this week? I’m getting you to class if it kills me.”

Snatching it out of his mouth, you shove it into the worn leather adorning his chest. He dramatically falls back into the lockers once again, causing a raucous crash to echo down the depleting hallway. The remaining students turn their head in your direction, muttering indistinctly about the metalhead’s antics. After years of friendship with Eddie, your cheeks no longer burn at the judgemental attention, it’s a hazard of the trade. Besides, you have your ways of leveling the playing field with your best friend when needed.

Closing the locker, Eddie trails behind you like a lost puppy, as if he has no clue where his next class is. To be fair, you don’t doubt that that might be true, given his attendance record. Homework in hand, you trudge along making sure Eddie hasn’t wandered off like an irresponsible child in the grocery store.

“So, wanna hang out after Hellfire tonight? Got the new Iron Maiden tape the other day, but what kind of friend would I be if I listened to it without you?” The scuffling of worn Reebok’s on the linoleum flooring ceases behind you, an exhausted groan leaving your lungs. “Eddie, c’mon-”

“I, uh- I can’t hang out tonight.” Spinning on your heels, you shoot him a look of confusion.

“Okay? That’s cool, dude. But we’ve really gotta get to class so-”

Like trying to drag a stubborn mule, you grasp at Eddie’s wrist in a desperate attempt to move him. Shooting you a shit-eating grin, he plants his feet firmly, relishing in watching you put your back into trying to get him to budge.

“Don’t you wanna know what I’ve got planned?”

“Judging by how much you’re annoying me today, I’d say you’ve got a hot date with your right hand later.”

Eddie’s cheeks flush slightly at the insinuation, shaking his head sheepishly.

“No, well- you’ve got the first part right.”

Releasing his wrist from your tug-of-war, you stumble back slightly before you process this new information.

“Really?”

“Shit, don’t sound so surprised, sweetheart.” Eddie quips, words dripping with teasing sarcasm.

On one hand, you’re not surprised at all. Eddie is indisputably gorgeous. Large chocolate-brown eyes, a jawline that looks like it was carved by the gods themselves, and the kindest heart you’d ever encountered. In your eyes, he was the full package. Key word being your. It was no secret that Eddie’s reputation preceded him around town, he didn’t exactly have girls lined up around the block waiting to date him. But you knew how he could exercise his charm, when given the opportunity and perfect victim.

“With who?” Poker-face on, you try to sound as detached as possible.

“Maggie. You know, the new girl?”

Oh, you knew her alright. You watched as she unpacked her perfect little life from a U-Haul a few months back, moving into the white picket house across from yours. Though you hadn’t had any real interactions with her, you noticed how easily things came to her. Within her first week at Hawkins High, you witnessed her riding her bike home in a brand new cheer uniform, having been quickly indoctrinated. But on the weekends, she’d often help her mother tend to the garden in a band tee before jumping in her second-hand station wagon to make the most of a Saturday night with no curfew. With brown curls somehow perfectly imperfect, sultry eyes to rival Susanna Hoffs and a carefree attitude, it’s not hard to see how she could have any man swooning for her. Eddie, being no exception. Your mind begins racing over how they could have met, Eddie did seem especially cheerful on Monday after going to a concert that weekend. The one you were supposed to go to, if your mom hadn't found the vodka stuffed under your mattress and grounded you. Is that how they met? Fuck, maybe if you’d been there…

“Yeah, I think I know the one. What’re you guys gonna do?”

Eddie joins you side by side, thankful that you can now speed-walk to disperse some of the nervous energy brewing.

“Think we’re gonna go and see Friday the 13th at the drive-in cinema. They’re up to, like, the sixth one now so I imagine it’ll be a bit of a snooze-fest, but it’s all that’s on that late.”

Great. Eddie and a girl, alone in his van. At the drive-in cinema. Cuddled up watching a horror film. Picturing it is enough to make you want to vomit into your backpack. 

“Sounds fun.” It does not, in fact, sound fun.

Thankfully, the final bell signifies your impending tardiness, causing the two of you to bolt to Geometry.

It’s hard to focus on what Mr Watts is talking about at the best of times, but your mind is fixated on Eddie. In your heart, you know he deserves to have a good time. He’s a gentleman, any girl would be lucky to date him. But the green-eyed monster had her ugly talons stuck deep into your back long before now. It’s getting harder and harder to suppress your growing feelings for your best friend, stealing glances at him any chance you get. But it’s not worth the risk, not with all you have to lose. He’s your rock, the only person on this planet you can talk to about anything. And you’re not about to jeopardize your friendship over some silly crush. And yet, you also can’t help but feel an unfair notion that Eddie is somehow to blame for this. It could be so easy to misinterpret his naturally flirty nature for romantic intentions. How he opens every door for you, makes you mix-tapes of your favorite bands, picks you up for late-night drives to get the best view of the city. Every action is another addition to a precarious house of cards, doomed to collapse. Glancing over at Eddie, he is absent-mindedly tapping his pencil against the wooden desk. On any other day, it wouldn’t bother you. But today, it’s enough to drive you mad. Honing in all of your attention on the pencil, your gaze remains fixated on the object. All you can hear is the tap, tap, tap flooding your ears, his stupid rings reflecting light across the room. You furrow your brows, take a deep breath, and-

The pencil launches out of Eddie’s hand, clattering to the ground beneath him, drawing the attention of half the class.

“Mr Munson, could you please for once pay attention?” Mr Watts, clearly unimpressed by Eddie’s interruption, earns a few sniggers from students around him.

“Shi- sorry, Sir.” Eddie, completely baffled by what just happened, leans down to pick up the pencil. A smile creeps across your lips, and Eddie follows the pencil beneath your desk. Retrieving it, a worried look washes across his face as he glances up at you.

“Woah, you okay?” His tone is hushed, as not to draw any more attention to himself. You’re now acutely aware of the small stream of blood trickling from your nostril, wetting your upper lip in a metallic maroon. Quickly swiping it away, you pretend to busy yourself in your notebook.

“Yeah. ‘M fine.”

Call me when you get home safely.

The golden rule, never to be broken. Words uttered like gospel every time you and Eddie part ways at the end of a long night, a foundation in your friendship. After Hellfire wrapped up, you elected to drive home separately as Eddie wanted to head straight home to freshen up for his date. With a firm embrace, you muttered the words to him as you had countless times before, him nodding in acknowledgement against the crook of your shoulder.

12:46am. 

Eddie would have been due home an hour ago, accounting for time he and Maggie might have spent chatting away in the car after a disappointing slash-fest. Yet the corded phone beside your bed remains neglected, heavy-lidded eyes glancing over at it sporadically as you try to busy yourself in a book. 

What is taking him so long? He never forgets to call unless-

Unless he’s still with her. Images flash through your mind's eye, Eddie driving Maggie around town blasting the music you’d shown him. Pulling up to one of your usual hang-out spots, smoke filling the back of the van as the two swap spit on the end of a blunt. Ringed hands slipping under the soft cotton of her shirt, grasping at soft skin as the pair-

Nope, not going there. With a huff, you throw your book haphazardly to the side and flick off the bedside table, praying sleep will come soon.

You allow the phone to ring off the hook all of Saturday. You have no interest in talking to Eddie right now, your social battery drained at the mere thought of feigning interest over how his date went. And so, you keep yourself occupied, willingly cleaning your room just to have something to fill the dead space of time. Rearranging the trinkets on your windowsill, you spot a figure crossing the adjacent lawn. Maggie unlocks her bike from the patio railing, placing a bag in the wicker basket attached to the front. You try to pry your gaze from her, but something catches your eye. A band tee, one you haven’t seen her in before, hangs loosely on her frame, faded and gray from years of love. It’s familiar. Similar to the one that you bought for Eddie last year, thrifting it as a birthday present after scraping pennies together. Probably a coincidence, you tell yourself, bile building in your throat, failing to convince yourself. 

The phone rings a handful of times throughout the day, a fragment of the white noise reverberating through your head. Drowning out the voices, the self doubt, only to fuel the fire just as imminently. With your parents out of town for the weekend, the house feels desolate. An echoing chamber of solitude, combated by the unwanted images flooding your brain. You should feel happy for Eddie. He deserves love. But god, why does it have to be her love?

Against all odds, the barrage of thoughts ceases long enough for you to doze off on the couch, granting you a fleeting moment of peace. A moment cut short by a sharp and firm knock at the door. Maybe if you ignore it, they will go away, leaving you to your nest of despair. But it doesn’t. The knocks grow louder, more intense, causing you to groan as you pry yourself off the couch. Curtains ajar, you see the dusky sky outside casting shadows across the faintly lit street. Flicking on the floor lamp as you pass into the entryway, the knocking incessantly continues.

“Alright, I’m coming!” Post-nap grumpiness is in full flight as you swing open the front door. Eddie stands before you, leather jacket hanging off his slim frame, wallet-chain catching the last light of the day. But instead of his usual goofy smile plastered on his face, he looks entirely unimpressed.

“Oh, she lives!” His words are dripping with sarcasm, not waiting for you to invite him in.

“What are you doing here?” You quip back, shutting the door behind you.

“Y’know, just making sure you weren’t dead in a ditch somewhere. Forgive me.” Eddie paces straight for the living room, charged up with too much energy.

“Okay, well, as you can see-” You gesture to yourself with a flourish, “-I’m not. So, you didn’t need to waste gas driving out here.”

“Since when do you not pick up the phone? I’ve been trying to call all day!” Eddie’s typical jovial tone is nowhere to be found, instead having been replaced by dourness.

“God, sorry. Didn’t realize you’d only pick up the phone when it suited you.”

Eddie’s eyes squint slightly, incredulous as he absorbs your comment.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” God, men are thick.

“You never called to let me know that you got home safely. I sat up half the night waiting for you to ring, and nothing! But I’m sure you lost track of time with Maggie-”

Eddie’s eyes narrow, the logical side of his brain working overtime to figure out why you’re being so short with him. But as soon as you drop Maggie’s name, the puzzle pieces click into place.

“Is that what this is about?”

“Is what about?”

“This!” Eddie gestures with his hand in your direction. “This attitude you’ve had going on for days.”

“Oh my god. You’ve woken me up, stormed into my house and accused me of having an attitude. So forgive me if my hospitality is lacking, Eddie!”

“Does it have something to do with Maggie?” His question is point-blank, and it catches you off guard.

“No!” You blurt out a little too quickly, doing little to convince him.

“Do you not like her or something?”

“Why do you care if I like her or not? You like her, and that’s all that matters. So can we just drop this?” 

Blood begins boiling beneath the surface, a harbinger of emotions close to spiraling out of control. You need a second of solitude, to bring everything back to baseline. It’s happened with your family, even with bullies at school, but never been in the presence of Eddie for. It scares you, how your powers can lash out before you do, and you don’t want Eddie to be caught in the crossfire.

“We need to talk about this-”

“No, we don’t!”

“I just don’t get why you’re acting like this-”

“Eddie, you need to leave.”

Heart pounding in your chest, breath growing a little too fast for your liking. Pulse racing against the delicate skin of your neck, tears brimming close to the precipice. A quick glance over to the one illuminated lamp in the corner confirms your fears, the bulb flashing indiscriminately behind Eddie’s shoulder. Thankfully, his stern gaze remains fixed on you.

“No! I’m not going anywhere until-”

“Eddie, please-” An unsteady breath betrays you, voice cracking on your last word while a tear escapes your lash line. White noise clouds your brain, a haze forming around logic and control. Even with your eyes pinched shut, the glow of the frantically flickering lamp remains visible behind your lids. Eddie’s voice grows muffled, a scrambling of sound waves assaulting your eardrums and causing you to buckle over. Instinctively, your palms clamp down over your ears as you do your best to count to five. Feel the soft carpet beneath your socked feet. Smell the fresh flowers your mother placed in a vase next in the entranceway. Taste the metallic blood dripping from your nose, finding its way into your parted lips. Anything to bring you back to reality. And it’s not working. 

Not until two firm hands grasp your shoulders, and you distantly hear Eddie’s voice calling out to you.

“-Hey! Please, look at me…”

A deep, diaphragmatic breath is required as courage to pry your damp eyes open, and take in the image before you. Eddie is crouched down, level with you, eyes wider than you’ve ever seen. He looks terrified. 

“Oh my god-” He quickly throws his arms around you, tucking you in tight to his chest. His familiar musky scent is comforting, grounding you in a sense of safety. 

“‘M sorry, Eddie.” Words barely louder than a squeak, Eddie tightens his grip around you and pulls you in closer.

“Fuck, I thought-” His chest rises unsteadily, voice quivering. “- that was, it was just like Chrissy.”

A sharp pang of guilt hits you deep in your gut. The lights. The zoning out. He’s seen it before, a year ago with Chrissy,  and you never considered how triggering it might be for him to witness the effects of your powers out of context.

“I’m okay.” It takes everything for you to pull away from him, but you need to offer him the same comfort he’s granted you. “I’m sorry, I should have told you.”

“Told me?”

You can’t help but chuckle at how weird it is to say out loud. 

“You know how El has powers? Well, I kind of do too.” Eddie’s eyebrows shoot up, disappearing beneath his mess of bangs. “Not like, to the same extent. But sometimes, if I get overwhelmed or experience some sort of strong emotion, shit like that happens.”

Eddie is speechless. Not that you blame him, it’s not every day you learn of your best friend’s superpowers. His eyes dart around your face, as if searching for any indication that this is a joke. But as your expression remains serious, his whole demeanor softens.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Wasn’t safe.” You reply, shaking your head. “I mean, look at El. I just- I didn’t want to put you at risk.”

“No, no. I get it.” Eddie’s hand absent-mindedly brushes some of your hair out of your face. “You said it happens when you feel something strong. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have pushed you-”

“No! It wasn’t that, I’ve felt it coming for a while now.” Chuckling sheepishly, you quickly wipe away any remaining tears from your flushed cheeks. 

“What, were you like, jealous or something?” Eddie laughs, his signature grin creeping across his face. At his question, you feel your breath catch again, smile faltering minutely. Eddie doesn’t miss this, and he leans in a little closer. “Oh my god, you were, weren’t you?”

“You don’t have to rub it in, asshole.” You give him a small shove to the chest, an embarrassed laugh catching in your throat. His hand catches yours, trapping it in place between his palm and the cotton shirt. Your eyes focus on the shirt. Grey, worn from years of love. The one you’d thrifted for him as a birthday present last year. And your heart swells.

“So, let me get this straight.” Dimples settle deep into his smile lines as his gaze bores into you. “My best friend has powers, and a crush on me?”

Your free hand finds its way to your face, running down the length with exasperation.

“Yep, pretty much. And you can add jealous bitch to that list too.”

“Well, as it turns out, Maggie is a total dud. Ran off half way through the film because she spotted some of her cheer friends in the parking lot.” 

“She didn’t!”

“Oh, but she did. Although, it wasn’t all bad, meant I could smoke the rest of my stash to myself. Aaand then I passed out in the back, woke up the next morning and came straight home.” “Sounds like a shit drive-in date.” Eddie chuckles, shaking his head.

“Sure was. Maybe you and I could right some wrongs next Saturday? My treat, think of it as my apology for not calling.”

You can’t contain the grin threatening to spread across your face.

“It’s a date.”

[gaybananabread]

Hello, beautiful soul!! For the fruit shop, could we have lee!Hawks and ler!LoV? With banana, orange, and watermelon? Maybe some of those tickle bites/kisses land on those extra sensitive wings...lord knows how he'd handle a raspberry. He's canonically vibration sensitive.

Fruit(s): Bananas, Oranges, Watermelon

Aww hi Anon! I’ve never written for the LoV besides Dabi, so new experience! I do have the character limit capped at four for these fics, so I just picked the league members that I thought would be most fun. Love writing for KFC, definitely one of my MHA favorites to get got (). This is gonna be pre-PLF because it’s just easier for me that way. Thank you for requesting, and I hope you Enjoy!

Lee: Hawks

Lers: Dabi, Twice, Toga

Summary: Hawks is sassing his fellow LoV members, collectively pissing everyone off. While some more violent methods are suggested, the most interested trio finds a way to get back at the birdie without injuring their “asset.” 

Warnings: none! This is a tickle fic, so if you don’t like that, scroll away!!

The League of Villains were gathered in their “meeting room,” though only two members were really paying attention to Shigaraki’s spiel. Kurogiri was…probably listening? It was hard to tell with him. Mr. Compress seemed to be engaged, nodding along and occasionally humming. Then again, he almost always indulged Shigi’s rants; it was just the kind of man he was.

Dabi was practically laying on the table, his head resting on his folded arms; he couldn’t care less about the precautions. If heroes ever found them, he’d burn them all to a nice crisp. Twice and Toga were trading a piece of paper back-and-forth, writing little notes and doodles to pass the time. Spinner idly twirled one of his blades, sharing most of his teammates’ boredom.

Right as Shigaraki got to the extra repetitive part of his speech, a smug yet smooth voice spoke up. “Don’cha think you should talk about something new, Shigaraki? This is getting kinda old.” 

Six pairs of eyes shot over to Hawks, though most were more excited than shocked; it was something other than the same “we’re the ultimate fighters” speech. Shigaraki, however, seemed less than amused. “Really, hero? And what would you say, since you’re so amazing at speeches?” The word “hero” was said very bitterly; his way of reminding Hawks that he was still on thinner ice.

“Well, ya really haven’t gone over the next moves for the League. We’ve tossed ideas around, but do we have a clear idea? Seems kinda important ta me.” The Decay user frowned, though he couldn’t say Hawks was wrong. He had been laying the hero slander on a little thick, but he was getting angry. Besides, he had a clear idea of what was to come next. He just wasn’t ready to share that big a plan with the bird yet.

“That…isn’t ready for sharing. I do have plans, you just… don’t get to know them.” That wasn’t a lie, either. He wasn’t telling them more than the bare minimum until the day grew closer. Upon hearing this, a few league members huffed and chuckled under their breaths. Even though they knew their leader did have plans, it was funny to see someone make him squirm. 

Hawks normally wouldn’t act like that; his main goal was to blend in and find out the League’s big plans without getting caught. That day, however, he was bored of the same unhelpful information, his casual attitude and snark slipping out without him realizing it.

That week, it had slipped out a lot. Everyone’s patience was wearing thin, to the point of them discussing various torture methods and violent solutions. A few were particularly pissy, having a group discussion about what the hell to do with their newest member.

“I’m gonna kill that ungrateful newbie.” Shigaraki growled in a scratchy, annoyed tone. “Who does he think he is, hijacking my fine meeting?!” Toga giggled, though didn’t make any comments.

Dabi spoke next, huffing. “Told you lunatics he was trouble. But no, none‘a you listened to me. Reap what you sow, assholes.” He really didn’t care about minding his language; everyone was a bit pissed, giving him an excuse. Twice decided to put his two cents in, quite literally.

“C’mon, it’s probably just an off week for him or something. Let’s main him; I’m sure nobody would mind!” Toga giggled again, catching the attention of the hothead. Dabi glared at her, crossing his arms as his snarl somehow deepened. “What’s got you all giggly, psycho? Maiming get you going or somethin’?”

The blonde just shook her head, a shit-eating yet lax smile on her face. “You boys are going about this all wrong~! If he’s making jokes, you gotta make him laugh for it to stop! Izuku-kun does it all the time~” She sounded oddly reminiscent at the end… Still, Dabi just scoffed.

“Make him laugh? And you’re still stalking that hero kid? Seriously?” She disregarded that second part, nodding and smiling widely. “Yeah! He’s looking for a giggle or snicker when he sasses you guys; why not return the favor~?” The answer was cryptic, as things usually were with Toga, but it got a certain man interested. 

“Return the favor? How do we do that, jokes? That’s idiotic, let’s just do it my way!” His first statement sounded intrigued, so Toga went with it and explained. “Well, that’s one way, but Izuku’s friends make it a lot more fun!”

Dabi interjected, sick of the short back-and-forth. “Fuckin’ hell, just say it, you nutjob! Sick of this!” She rolled her eyes, pouting. “So grumpy, Dabi! Well, I say…we tickle him!”

Every man in the room paused, looking at her with varying degrees of “what now?” for her statement. 

“Tickle him? What is this, fuckin’ preschool?”

“Toga, we’re respectable villains, not children.”

“Oh…I mean, uhm, why. What the hell?!”

“C’mon boys, you’re no fun! It would teach him a lesson, and he’d probably stop interrupting your meetings~” Toga said the last bit in a sing-songy voice, making Shigaraki huff. She had won. “Whatever, I don’t care. If it doesn’t work, though, I’m putting chicken wings on the menu.” Their leader left, done with that entire conversation; Toga had his permission, though.

“Are you really not gonna take the opportunity to get back at Hawks? Even after he called you crispy?” The flame user’s nostrils flared; she knew how to play her cards. “FINE! Fine, ya shit, I’ll help! You’re lucky I need revenge…  Twice, c’mon.”

The multi-opinionated villain jumped up, seeming mostly curious and a bit excited to carry out their plan. Well, if you could call the vague outline of “tickle Hawks until he stops being an ass” a plan. Still, they were ready.

-

Hawks was sitting at the bar counter, scrolling aimlessly through his phone. He was bored, and the news was rather unhelpful in keeping him up-to-date. He was in a sort of daze, so much so that he didn’t notice the three villains sneaking up behind him. 

Twice took one more step, though that seemed to be a wrong move; the floorboard squeaked, alerting Hawks of their presence. He whipped his head around, seeing the three of them “sneaking” towards him. Oh hell no…

He immediately tried to fly away before realizing that he couldn’t; he had depleted his wings in a fight a few days prior. He was stuck with running. The hero took off, zipping into the back room of the bar. 

The villain trio followed, though Dabi wasn’t putting his full effort into it. Twice ducked through one of the roundabout doors, running through the back halls. Right as Hawks flung another door open to try and escape, he was greeted by two wide cloth eyes. Not good!

Twice tackled him, calling out to Dabi for the taller man to restrict the winged hero. Dabi grabbed Hawks, keeping his hands pinned behind his back as he practically marched the other man back into the main bar. The flame user forced Hawks to sit, using Toga’s red scarf thing to bind his hands together. “Let me go! When I get loose, you guys are-”

Toga pretty much cut him off, too eager to wait any longer. She bent her fingers into claws, running them down both sides of him. He squeaked, biting his lip to restrain the giggles bubbling in his throat. He failed pretty quickly.

The blood enthusiast cooed, speeding up her tickling fingers. “Heya birdie~! You’ve been trying to get us to laugh aaall week! Figured we could give you your turn!” Hawks thrashed a bit, realizing two things: one, dabi was behind him and very close to his wings, and two, he was completely stuck. Shit. “G-gehet off mehehehe!”

Dabi spun the stool a bit, exposing more of Hawks’ front and giving the two other villains more access. His own fingers wormed their ways between his wing bases and his back, tickling furiously; man was wasting no time. The duality of Toga’s gentler teasing and Dabi’s ruthless scribbles drew deep, panicky belly laughter from him. “H-HEHEHEY! DAHABI, NAHAT- GYAAHAHA!”

“Ooooh, bad spot~ Get ‘im, Dabi!” Toga cooed close to Hawks’ ear, her fingers teasing along his ribcage and sides. Now that the man was more exposed, Twice joined in, his hands as split as his personality. The left was lightly clawing at his stomach while the other was digging into the back of his knee. The most wonderful noise Toga had ever heard left his lips; a snorty squeal.

“Awwwww, Hawks~! That’s soooo cute! Twice, make him do it again!” The man continued to torment Hawks’ knee, pulling more loud laughter and a few snorts from him. “TWIHIHI- *snrk* FUHUHAHACK OHOFF!” “Wow, you’re ticklish! He’s like a human squeak toy!” Toga giggled, absolutely delighted; it was like a deranged kid in a candy store.

While those boisterous reactions were great and all, Dabi was out for revenge, not playtime. Looking over the bird man’s wings, he noticed just how much they were twitching from the scribbling on the bases. The most they would move, though, was when Dabi got closer, his breath slightly ruffling a few feathers. Oh…oh that’s perfect.

Leaning in closer, Dabi whispered in the hero’s ear, the smirk clear in his voice. “Get ready to sing for me, birdie~” Hawks squeaked at the buzz on his ear, his eyes widening when he realized just where Dabi was. Toga and Twice were still going to town, giving him no reprieve. It wasn’t as bad as when Dabi was on his wings, but that would soon change. “Dahahabi noho! Ihi- I’ll kihihill youhuhuhu!”

Completely ignoring the other man’s pleas, Dabi lowered his mouth to the depleted wings, gently nibbling on the very top of the frame. 

Hawks practically shrieked, his back arching as he tried to get away. Toga grabbed his waist, both wanting to continue and help out her fellow tickler. “DAHAHAHAHA! *snrk* NAHAHAT THEHERE!”

Dabi just chuckled against his wings, sneaking small kisses in with the nibbles. The other man’s reactions, while adorable, were fulfilling his need for revenge quite nicely. It was also hilarious to see a pro hero absolutely destroyed by something so simple. “What’s wrong, bird brain? Does it tickle?”

At that point, what Twice and Toga were doing was nothing; his wings were horrid, especially with bites and the like. If he could, he’d send his feathers after Dabi to get him off. His wings were left with only smaller feathers, however, and he couldn’t focus enough to control them if he tried.

As much as the man hated to do it, he was really close to his breaking point. Throwing in the white flag, Hawks tried to call the mercy plea, though he had no idea which one to use. “S-STAHAHAP! REHED, UHUNCLE, C’MOHOHON!”

Dabi snickered, taking a quick break from the nibbles and kisses to tease Hawks’ ear once again. “You gotta promise to behave, songbird~ No more sass.” Then, without giving the winged hero a chance to speak, he blew a raspberry right on the base of one of Hawks’ wings. 

That man lost his shit.

“NYAAAAHAHA! *srk* DAHAHA-” The man’s laughter went silent as Dabi blew another raspberry, the killer vibrations spreading all throughout his wings and flooding his senses. The vibration sensitivity in his wings was amazing for flight combat, but it was like an Achillies heel in that moment. Tears of mirth gathered in the corners of his eyes, his thrashing almost tripling.

Toga, of all people, felt a bit bad for Hawks. She liked the bird a bit and had already gotten her fill of his laughter. Plus, the silent stuff was no fun. “Awe, Dabi, give him a break. We don’t wanna kill him; he won’t be able to laugh anymore!”

Rolling his eyes, he pulled his head away; it was almost cute how quickly the man slumped back onto his chest. He was exhausted. 

Panting and trying to regain his composure, Hawks giggled off the residual tickles. Both of his wings were buzzing with ticklish energy, his face red and his mind reeling. “Hoho- hohohoholy shihit…” Looking around, he noticed the expectant looks he was getting. He’d rather not risk that happening again so soon. “Ihi prohohomise to…to stohop sassing youhu guhuhuhuys. Hahappy?”

A small sound came from behind him; something strangely close to an amused snort as Dabi chuckled. “Ecstatic. You’re a mess, bird brain.” Toga leaped forwards, getting very into Hawks’ personal space and smiling. “Oh my, that was adorable! You look so cute when you beg~!” Twice chuckled behind her, both sides of him amused with what happened.

The moment Dabi untied his hands, Hawks stormed off, shutting and locking the door to his temporary room in the bar. Having achieved their goal, the three villains split ways, each going to do their respective business. Dabi went to stalk the city’s nighttime scene, Twice decided to play video games, and Toga updated her tabs on poor Midoriya. While they all did their own thing, all three of them were thinking about what had just happened. 

Even Hawks, who would have preferred to forget it ever happened, laid on his bed with the event running through his mind. He’d definitely be watching his mouth from then on…

[smidgen-of-hotboy]

Our Angel of Brahma, pt. iv

Last thing I'll post of this for now I swear. Next up will be the final part to Buddy's pov in Out in the Cold Field.

@ceaseless-watchers-special-girl @ananxiousgenz @demonic-panini @gwenlena @the-private-eye

SOUND: COMMS BEEPING. RECORDING BEGINS.  BARID (REVOLUTIONARY):  You're gonna record me? CHARLIE:  Yes! They gotta hear your voice, Baird.  (BAIRD SNORTS) BARID (REVOLUTIONARY):  You just want to be able to listen back when I'm gone.  CHARLIE: Don't talk like that. You know I hate it. BARID (REVOLUTIONARY):  Sorry, sorry… you know how it's been since… I'm sorry. CHARLIE: No, no– I'm sorry, Baird.  (SIGH) You're right, I do want to listen back. I like your voice.  BARID (REVOLUTIONARY): My voice is weird though. I don't like it.  CHARLIE:  It's not weird, and I like it. Please, Baird, sing for me. (BAIRD HUMS) BARID (REVOLUTIONARY):  Fine. Just this once! SOUND: SKIRT RUSTLING.  BARID (REVOLUTIONARY):  When I'm done though you owe me your smuggled chocolate.  CHARLIE:  Alright, fine. Sing me a song.  (BAIRD HUMS) BARID (REVOLUTIONARY): Sing you a song huh… I dream of an orange sun, and yellow skies. Green valleys full of trees, clear waters,  and a gentle breeze.  I miss the summer rain, and winters freeze. Autumn leaves, and spring sugarcane. An orange sun,  and yellow skies. Green valleys full of trees, clear water,  and a gentle breeze.  Our lives were so bright  until they came along. Stole our future, stole our pride. Stole our seasons, stole our light.  Stole our parents, stole our songs. Stole our past, stole our brides. I dream in a world with a distant sun. Blacked out skies, Empty valleys, no rising tides. smoke fills our lungs and my dry eyes.  I dream in a world with a distant sun.  CHARLIE: (SNIFFLING)  See, what I tell you? Your voice isn't weird. It's gentle.  BAIRD (REVOLUTIONARY): It's weird– and about to crack again. (COUGHS) I need to drink something… CHARLIE:  Mom left her canteen in the kitchen I think. Just stay away from the window, you should be fine.  BAIRD (REVOLUTIONARY):  Alright, thanks… and Charls? CHARLIE: Yes? BARID (REVOLUTIONARY): Thanks for believing in me. CHARLIE: Of course.  SOUND: BARE FEET ON TILE. BECOMES DISTANT.  CHARLIE: (QUIETLY) I don't think we'll live to see a free Brahma, Dearest. But I'll believe in you. So I hope you never stop singing… SOUND: COMMS BEEPS. RECORDING ENDS. 

- Baird was saying something about Charlie “knowing how it's been since” does this have anything to do about what happened to their Dad? What happened to their step-parent?

- Chocolate is a dessert delicacy from Earth. It takes two to three weeks to make chocolate from fresh cocoa beans, and from Earth to Brahma, it would take three to four years. Trade between the Solar Planets and Brahma has been limited since the Galactic Civil War. Did they steal chocolate from New Kinshasa somehow? Was it smuggled from New Kinshasa? Or smuggled directly from the Solar Planets to Brahma? (Seems highly unlikely)

- “Charls”... “Dearest”...

- Charlie is right, Baird’s voice does sound very gentle. “Cracking voice” could indicate either dehydration or puberty? Unclear which.

- Charlie was not an optimist, Baird was (is? Even with a name it is near impossible to find any records of a "Baird" from Brahma. Or any surviving records from Brahma to begin with. I don't wanna get involved with Dark Matters but... I might have to get involved with Dark Matters.)

[estrellami-1]

Star baby when you have time could we please have more of the title screen fic? I’m so invested in what you’re going to do with eddie being the streamer Steve has been watching, will eddie say something on his streams that lets Steve know it’s eddie? Will steve keep coming back to the game store to play/ hang out with eddie? This is a cute one you could do a million parts and I would be on board for every one 💜

Darling! I’m SO sorry to keep you waiting!! Hopefully this meets your expectations. ❤️

Title Screen - Part 2

Steve doesn’t come back in just for Eddie, he swears.

It doesn’t hurt, of course, that Eddie lights up when the little bell above the door jingles. “Steve!” He grins. “Hey, what’re you here for?”

Steve flushes down to his toes, it feels like. “Feel free to tell me if I’m abusing some policy or whatever-”

Eddie waves him off and over to the console. “It’s still set up for you! Any plans for today?”

“I’d like to fish,” Steve admits. “Maybe trade with someone.”

Eddie hums. “Your first step in world domination?”

Steve snorts. “Exactly.”

They talk as Steve plays, and Eddie is even able to help him some.

Steve adamantly does not think about the thump in his chest every time he makes Eddie laugh.

He goes back home later and gets back on YouTube. His traitorous brain is deciding to take Eddie’s knowledge as a challenge, so he finds HFClub again and clicks on the next video he hasn’t seen.

“Oh, Dingus,” Robin sings, appearing in his doorway. She grins, a self-satisfied smirk of a thing, when she hears the audio. “Caesar salad sound good for dinner?”

Steve hums, pauses the video, lets his phone drop onto his chest. “D’you want me to help chop things?”

Robin smiles at him. “If you cut the chicken I’ll love you forever.”

Steve snorts, rolls his eyes. “You just don’t like touching raw chicken.”

“It’s slimy!” Robin defends herself. She flaps her hand at him as she turns to head to the kitchen. “Bring your phone, I wanna see what you’re watching, too.”

Steve snorts again, but does as she asks. The video plays, then the next one, and at one point the narrator laughs, and something about it sounds familiar. He wonders if he’s thinking of Robin’s laugh, but hers is rather nasally and giggly, and while the narrator’s is definitely a giggle, it’s got a little snort at the end that Robin doesn’t have.

He wonders if it sounds like one of his kids, but nothing’s ringing a bell, so he finally lets it go in favor of letting Robin’s rambling wash over him.

He restrains himself the next day—the next week, really—but eventually he does have to go back.

Eddie’s there again, grinning at him through the window. “Hey, Steve!” He bounces over and leans against a shelf. “And what brings you in today? More world domination?”

Steve laughs. “Maybe,” he allows. “I’m actually here for Dustin’s birthday present, and I’m hoping you can help, even if you don’t have it. He was talking about some kind of figurine, the last time we talked? Something based on one of your campaigns, I think.”

“Oh!” Eddie grins and scampers further into the shop. “The Hellrider Badge!” He digs through a bin and holds something up. “Not a figurine, it’s for his costume. And may I suggest…” he digs through another bin and unearths a pouch, opening it and pouring coins into his hand. “Barovian coins!”

Steve blinks and holds out his hand, looking at the badge and coins before smiling up at Eddie. “I’m gonna admit, I have no idea what any of this is for, but I’m willing to trust you.” He hands the items back to Eddie, who grins and takes them behind the counter.

“High praise, I’ll try my best to live up to it. You wanna pay now and go? Or I can hold these for later… maybe after a certain game?”

Steve chuckles. “How bored do you get here?”

Eddie shrugs. “It’s usually pretty empty. It definitely has its moments, though.”

Steve snorts. “I don’t doubt it.” He wanders over to the counter. “What’s your craziest story?”

Eddie hums in thought. “Probably the time that one guy threatened arson because we didn’t have what he wanted.”

Steve’s jaw drops. “You’re kidding.”

“Nope. I believe his exact words were I’ll burn this place to the ground. And he wasn’t kidding, either, we had to get the police involved. Thankfully this was back when my uncle still worked here, so it wasn’t just one of us here with Psycho, y’know?”

“Your uncle used to work here? That’s cool.”

“I- yeah? He- I- um.” He rubs a hand over the back of his neck, blush rising on his cheeks. “He owned it? And then I took over when he retired.”

Steve laughs. “So that’s why you’re always here!”

Eddie chuckles. “Was that question plaguing you? You could’ve asked.”

Steve just shrugs, smirking as he says, “it added to the mystery.”

[bellysoupset]

Soup! Rn I would looooove to see Luke and sick Vince with Luke being the comforting force this time? Just wanna see those two beans talk and recheck how much they care about each other @writing-whump

Some sickific with heavy brotp, the chef's special.

-------------------

Wendy groaned, pressing her forehead to the cool surface of the chilled water bottle she was holding. She had the start of a headache, from stress, from the lack of rest, from heartbreak...

Vince had just plateau, after almost two whole days shaking with a high fever and throwing up everything he had ever eaten, he was finally sleeping and seemingly able to keep water down. Just when she had considered dragging his ass to the hospital.

Jonah had left early morning and now it was well into the evening, almost night, and Wendy knew she should be getting something to eat for them both... She was just so tired.

Her cellphone startled her and Wendy nearly dropped the water bottle, squealing as she caught it just before the hard plastic could hit her toe and then grabbing her phone before it could wake up Vince sleeping a room away.

Bella's pictured appeared on the screen, her sleeping with her head tilted back and a cowboy hat sitting upon wild curls and blocking most of her face.

Wendy rolled her eyes at the picture the ginger had assigned herself and picked up the call, "hello?"

"Hi Wen," Bella's voice was a touch too soft, but that was expected. Wendy had talked with Luke the day before and learned the ginger had also caught the flu, "how are you?"

"I think I should be asking you that," Wendy chuckled nervously, leaning against the sink of her kitchen and rubbing a hand over her face, "Luke mentioned you got sick as well."

"It'd take a lot more than the flu to knock me out," Bella scoffed, "I'm fine, I'm bored out of my mind and wondering if you wanna come over?"

Now!?

Wendy frowned, "I- what? Come again?" the question was so out of the blue and weird, given the circumstances, that Wendy wasn't sure what to make of it. Girls night while Bella had the rest of a stomach flu and Vince was down for the count in Wendy's bedroom?!

"Yeah, I'm- Luke, I'm telling her, would you wait-"

"Give me the phone-" Luke's voice travelled through the line and Wendy muffled a giggle as she heard them wrestling for the phone. Then it was Luke talking with her, instead of the ginger.

"Can I go over?" straight to the point. Wendy raised her eyebrows and nodded, before she remembered he couldn't see her.

"Yeah, Luke, of course-"

"Let's switch? You can handle my darling wife - stop pinching me, Isabella! - who's bored out of her mind and I can watch Vince?" Lucas' voice was breathless and Wendy's heart squeezed. She felt a weird sense of camaraderie with him, which was entirely misplaced, given Luke knew Vince would be leaving for weeks before Wendy did.

Water under the bridge, she knew it, since Vince was leaving and she was still dating him... But the resentment was still there. Resentment that she couldn't find in her when Lucas' was clearly out of his mind with worry over Vince.

It would be good, to have Luke come over and clear the air with Vince. Make things normal again, so Vince could stop looking like a kicked puppy all hours of the day... Besides, she could use the rest and Bella was already ahead of recovery than Vin was-

"Wendy?"

"Yeah, of course. Can I spend the night?"

"You're gonna end up catching this bug, Wen," Lucas said, sounding relieved, "yeah, we can trade places in the morning, how does that sound?"

"Honestly sounds heavenly..."

"See you in a bit then- Oh my god, Bella, give me the fucking remote and stop messing with my watchlist-"

Wendy chuckled as he hung up and she made her way back to the bedroom to pack an overnight bag. Vince was curled on his side, the empty bucket sitting on the ground next to his head, his black curls sticking out everywhere.

She put everything away inside a backpack, the dropped it by the door and climbed on the bed, combing her fingers through her boyfriend's hair.

He was still overly warm to the touch, a fever that just wouldn't break, and even in his sleep his brows were nearly meeting in a frown. Probably cramps, she thought sympathetically, feeling Vince's tummy growl since she was sitting on his side.

"Vin," she whispered, debating waking him up or not, "Honey...?"

She always forgot he was a light sleeper, because just with that small whisper Vince stirred on the bed and his eyes fluttered open. Drowsy and lost, he struggled to focus on her.

"Hey," Wendy rubbed his arm, "how are you feeling?"

"Gross," Vince groaned, curling up further, "what time is it?"

"Around seven," she stroked his cheek, "Luke and I are exchanging places, okay?"

Vince's dark eyes widened and he suddenly was a lot more alert, "Luke's coming here?"

"He's worried," Wendy shrugged, deciding not to tell Vince just how exhausted she was as well. This could be all pinned on Luke for all she cared, "and he misses you, honey."

"Well, he's the one not talking with me," Vince scoffed, before grimacing as his belly let out a growl. She pressed closer to it, kicking herself mentally for enjoying the sensation and sound when it clearly was making him feel like hell.

"So you'll be an adult and talk with him," she squeezed his bicep, "do you remember anything from the last days?"

"Nearly crushing you to death twice," Vince groaned, closing his eyes, "and barfing everything I ever ate."

She rolled her eyes, "worst is past now," Wendy promised, even if she wasn't so sure. His fever refused to break and he seemed to not be as nauseous, but the way his tummy was churning wasn't promising, "I want you to try some water again."

"It's just gonna come back up," Vince's face scrunched up and Wendy sighed, ignoring the complaint as she reached for the water bottle.

"Just a sip, Vin."

He was pouting as he obeyed, taking a small, tiny gulp, then a larger one when his stomach didn't immediately reject the previous one. He fell back against the pillow, wrapping a hand around her wrist and bringing it to his mouth, pressing a kiss to her pulse point.

"I'm sorry I'm being such a hassle, and right when I'm leaving as well--"

Wendy rolled her eyes, scratching at his scruff, "I don't mind taking care of you, I just wish we didn't spend our last days together with you feeling so wretched."

"I know," Vince pouted, "but I'll see you in five days and-"

There was a knock on the door and Wendy sighed, "hold that thought. I'm going to go, you'll be alright, okay? Text me if you want me to come back, I'll kick Luke out in a heartbeat."

Vince chuckled at that, "I can handle Lucas, he's an idiot, but I sadly love the guy."

She hated how sweet Vince was, it woke up a viciously protective part of her that Wendy didn't know what to do with. She leaned in, pressing a kiss to his brow, "I love you. Don't let Luke be a prick to you."

"I love you as well, have some fun with Bell. Catch some sleep, you look like you need it, honey."

"Uhm, I do," Wendy yawned, kissing his cheek and getting up.

Lucas was waiting in the hallway outside her apartment, with a backpack thrown over his shoulder and grocery bags in his hands. Unlike Wendy, who felt dead on her feet, he looked like he had chugged an energy drink.

"Hi," Lucas said, bouncing on his feet, "thanks for letting me come over-"

"If you make him cry I'm gonna have your liver," Wendy warned him and Lucas couldn't help but open a wide smile at that.

"I know," he nodded, "I swear I'm not here to fight... How is he?"

"Sleepy," Wendy yawned, rubbing her eyes, "watch out for the fever, it still hasn't broken and I'm a little worried about it."

"Yes, ma'am," Luke hit two fingers to his forehead in a salute, "get some rest, Wen."

"Yeah," she yawned again, "thanks for proposing this, I could catch a break... Have fun."

"Sooo much fun," Luke teased her and they crossed the hallway, Wendy leaving and him entering.

The house was fully silent, so Lucas dumped his backpack on the couch and then headed to the kitchen, putting away the multiple bottles of gatorade, the canned soup and all the medicine he had brought, just out of precaution.

There was a noise and he turned around just in time to see Vince slumping against the kitchen's threshold, with a blanket wrapped around his shoulder's like a king's fluffy cape.

"Hi," he said roughly, his voice all raspy, "nice of you to show up in time for my funeral."

Luke rolled his eyes, feeling something horrible settle in his stomach. Guilt, "dying of the flu is just sad."

"Uhm," Vince leaned against the wooden frame that separated Wendy's cramped kitchen from her dining room, pressing his forehead to the surface, "are we gonna talk about it or...?"

"Sure," Luke wrung his hands, quickly regretting even coming over. He wasn't sure how to put into words that he wasn't angry, he was just... Just sad, "I'm sorry. I've been a dick, ignoring you since graduation- Uhm, that wasn't cool."

Vince raised his eyebrows, letting out a bitter huff, his forehead still pressed to the wooden frame, "not cool indeed," he groaned, "why are- Why were you acting like that?"

"Because I don't want you to leave!" Luke blurted out, unable to keep the words in, "because I think you're- You're making a stupid decision and I don't want you to leave and- and I'm afraid you're gonna go and we won't be friends anymore and-"

"Jesus, Lucas," Vince interrupted with a groan, pinching his nose bridge and glaring at his best friend, "I could move to fucking Italy and we wouldn't stop being friends, you're the one who's being stupid. It's four hours, I don't know why you people keep acting as if I'm moving to a different country."

"It fucking sucks to be left behind, sorry," Luke exclaimed, bitterness he wasn't even aware he possessed coating his words, "everyone's got their shit together and big plans and I don't know what I'm doing and- And I thought you'd be here with me, but you won't be and I'm not sure of what to do with myself."

"Luke..." Vince sighed, rubbing his face, "man, you're making a much bigger deal out of this than it is. I'm not going to war, I'm going to teach 4 hours away from here. I'm coming back on the weekends. It's not the end of the world..."

A heavy silence settled over them and Vince turned around, so he could rest the back of his head against the kitchen threshold, instead of his forehead. He was really pale and gulping down...

"Do you want me to go?" Luke asked quietly.

Vince frowned, looking at him, "no, of course not."

More silence.

"I'm really sorry I haven't been there for you," Luke said, his voice even smaller and Vince's knees gave up on holding him up, so he crumpled down and fell on his ass, trying to make it look like he was purposefully lowering himself down.

If Luke noticed the farse, he didn't say much, only watched him intently, looking extremely out of place in Wendy's pink kitchen.

"I forgive you," Vince shrugged, leaning forward and resting his forehead to his knees, breathing through his mouth, "...Do you forgive me?"

"Nothing to forgive," without looking up Vince could hear the relief in his best friend's voice.

"Uhm- I don't feel good, Luke..." he finally voiced it. Part of him meant the past couple of weeks, though mostly he meant the current state of his body and its lack of cooperation.

The water Wendy had forced him to drink was churning in his belly and his head felt heavy.

"Wendy mentioned your fever didn't break," Lucas' voice suddenly was much closer, the other man crouching next to him and planting his cool hand to Vince's forehead. He instinctively leaned on the touch, letting out a breath.

"I think I'm gonna be sick," Vince groaned, gulping down nervously when his mouth filled with salty saliva, "...I'm so tired of feeling shitty."

"Yeah, tell me about it," Luke whispered, grabbing his arm, "c'mon, back to bed."

Vince swayed as Luke pulled him up, fully leaning against his best friend and turning his face, burying his nose on Lucas' hoodie. He felt like crap... And better than he had been feeling in a long time.

"You're gonna get sick too," he warned and heard a small scoff, Luke's hand in the middle of his back rubbing in circles as they stumbled through the apartment.

"Definitely," Lucas agreed, but instead of pulling them apart, he pulled Vince closer.

[marcandreyuri]

"that wasn't part of the plan" + sidnate 👀 (IF you would like) or pairing of your choice

dialogue prompt meme

as if i could get this prompt and not write the sidnate unplanned pregnancy au ive been thinking about since june. this ended up being a little disjointed but oh well. previous sidarmy mention. 714 words.

"This clearly wasn't part of the plan," Biz says on the stupid summer trade panel that TNT is having to go over all the free agency moves. "The Penguins expected Crosby back this season, and now they have to scramble this summer trying to cover him."

Sidney growls and jams his thumb into the power button of the remote, and the TV mercifully turns off. The news came out last week, an official press memo going out that redefined his ambiguous upper body injury into a pregnancy that will have him sitting out what was supposed to be his final season.

"Biz is an idiot," Nate says from the doorway of the living room having just come up from his gym in the basement, dripping with sweat after his workout with Andy. "C'mon Sid, everyone knows that."

"No kidding," Sid says. He runs a finger lightly over his stomach, feeling the gentle swell of it, the way his skin is stretched and growing to accommodate their baby.

She's the size of an avocado. Nate swears she's a boy. They find out for sure next month, when one of them will lord being right over the other.

Nate comes over and leans over the back of the couch, the smell of his deodorant and sweat mixing together in a way that reminds Sidney of rolling around on gym mats together, stolen kisses in empty locker rooms. He puts his hand over Sidney's stomach and rests it there as Sidney lets his head fall back and rest against Nate.

"Sorry about your season," Nate says like he does basically every day, guilt dripping through his voice.

Biz was right. This wasn't part of the plan. Sidney was meant to have his final season playing before going to work in the front office, scouting a junior league in Canada and sneaking back to America to see Nate when he could.

"It's fine," Sidney says. "It is what it is."

"I'm gonna gonna take a shower, and then do you wanna go out on the boat?" Nate asks.

He lets his hand linger on their baby for an extra second before straightening out when Sid says, "Sure." It's a relatively windless day, so hopefully the water will be calm. Sid doesn't exactly want a repeat performance of two weeks ago when the wake was choppy, and he threw up four times off the side of the boat before they called it a day.

He and Nate go upstairs, Nate slipping into the shower as Sid changes out of the sweatpants he's been wearing basically nonstop this summer. Before he puts on his swimsuit and t-shirt, he stares at himself in the mirror, turning so he can look from all angles.

His mom says she'll be a small baby, Sidney's stomach barely popping out, but he knows it's still early. When Tanger had Alex he was tiny until the ninth month, when he randomly ballooned basically overnight.

Tanger was in the gym doing his insane workouts every day until he gave birth though, and Sid has embraced the gentle workouts Andy's switched him to. He knows it's only a matter of time before his body changes into something completely unrecognizable, something unable to play hockey even if Sidney tried.

As he pulls on his trunks, he thinks about the abortion he got when he was nineteen, he and Army terrified of him giving up hockey and scheduling the appointment the day they found out.

This time was different, this baby--his daughter--and this relationship with Nate. He's humming happily in the shower, buzzing since they got the call from the doctor telling them Sidney's vomitting wasn't because of the flu.

Sid has to give up his final season, which fucking sucks and probably always will, but his first thought when they found out wasn't get rid of it like last time. He didn't think about hockey or next year's playoff push or setting any more records. He and Nate had turned to each other with stupid, wide smiles on their faces instead.

He pulls his trunks on, but waits for his shirt, putting his hand over the bump and imagines next summer, he and Nate and their daughter on the boat and feels a warm glowing feeling move through him.

[pikespendragon67]

Pikes Small Fall 2024 Check-in Post!

I technically can still talk with friends but eh why not

IRL: o ye gods i have 2 interviews next week, one in person and one over the phone that may lead to an in person interview. They pay way more than my current job but I fear deceiving my supervisor to go to the in person ones. I'm in the middle of my annual review for my current job though so I think I'll get like. A very small raise and get asked why I've been coming in late for a while now (mainly due to traffic). Hrm.

It’s gonna rain for 2 weeks fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck

In December I'm making up for not walking for my college graduation since I graduated during quarantine! I met Jamieson Price at my brother's graduation back in 2016 since he was announcing so my foolish hope is that he announces for mine. Sadly not a SoCal school so highly unlikely (especially with BS technology nowadays) but a fish can dream.

I also...spent way more than I realized this year so once I replenish enough funds I hope I can stick to a budget that my mom helped formulate. Getting the new jobs will help a bunch in those. Terrible timing since the Switch successor is coming out next year and who knows what guests will arrive at cons I can potentially go to. (Like if Jamieson Price, Akio Otsuka, Kenjiro Tsuda or Junichi Suwabe got invited to a con I might need to sell a kidney or 3). I tried using a Windows 11 laptop and it is somehow much slower than my 2019 laptop. Like. How. It's more recent. So I might need to invest in a tablet (like an iPad) or something instead since those tend to be faster. If it has HDMI ports I'd be set.

Also terrible timing for going on a budget since I want to get the Shunsui blind keychain in stores like GameStop or BoxLunch. I have Ukitake at least. I'd be willing to trade a spare Soifon that I have. Oh, and also Squishables plushies always tempt me as well as physical DVDs/games/manga but I am running out of storage space aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

I want to get back into art but I need a bag to carry my art supplies and hopefully I can sneak in doodles when I run out of tasks at work. I'd draw on weekends but my computer takes up way too much space on my desk.

And I'm in a bit of a music rut, need to find new stuff to listen to. I usually like smooth cadences in things like electroswing, R&B or pop punk rock, but maybe with how hectic the world is becoming I can get into a new genre of music. Maybe folk? Maybe a ska renaissance that I keep hoping to happen in the public attention?

Animu: I just finished rewatching Digimon Adventure (1999)! I rewatched the dub since I'm nostalgic towards it. I recognized more voices than I did in my rewatch from 6th grade wrow. (I forgot Doug Erholz was in the OG series as Joe's brother and MachineSeaDramon). As a kid my favorite was probably TK or Kari but these days I relate way too much to Joe. I think my favorite arc is the Myotismon arc, and I really loved the Piedmon fight. The show really started feeling special after SkullGreymon appeared. It went from regular monster of the week show to something that explored more character depth, like when Sora felt she couldn't use the Crest of Love. Gonna start 02 next week.

I'm about to finish Delico's Nursery (thank GOD) and Moribito so I can finally move onto other stuff to either watch or rewatch. Maybe Big O, maybe ID: Invaded? Who can say. ...Probably after Beastars season 3 comes out.

Pokemon Horizons' next dubbed portion will air in February so I will see who voices Hassel and Larry then put it on hold until another character I like shows up. Unless something plot relevant happens. It's a good show but hhhhhhhh I only have so much time in my days now.

I'm liking Ranma 1/2! Originally I was a bit squicked about the bathing scenes but I really like the character interactions and the over-the-top jokes (like using your brother as a weapon, hilarious)

Tower of God season 2 is...there. Definitely in the gambler's fallacy where I want to finish this and have it be done with. I really miss season 1's animation.

Orb: On the Center of the Earth is a really intriguing drama. I'm hoping it has a scene that makes me think about life like with other dramas that I've enjoyed. It has sparks of it, so only time will tell.

I’m really enjoying Dandadan so far. I might not delve into the fandom side but I’m loving the art direction and the main character bickering. Dare I hope for a Mothman arc?

In my Jojo rewatch I’m 4 episodes away from finishing Battle Tendency. I’m not the biggest fan of Stardust Crusaders though so I’m gonna see if I can watch the OVAs instead

And finally, I'm not sure how many episodes Bleach TYBW part 3 will have but I'm lowkey waiting for when Shunsui's big moment happens. Hopefully it doesn't feel too rushed, as if we do follow the 13 episode structure we'd only have...5 episodes left to finish this. I'm also hoping that the light novels get animated. Or that Kubo makes the rest of the Hell arc an anime exclusive thing.

Videya games: I thought I could switch between Brothership and Dragon Quest 3, but hoo boy do I feel the grind more in 5 minutes of DQ3 than I do 20 in Brothership. Aside from the Luigi A controversy and odd way to do basic jumps/hammer attacks, I'm liking the combat again. Makes me want to go back to play Dream Team more.

I got Webfishing and I made my avatar Ogata. Life is goooooooooood. Also on some weekends I play with some buddies in either Granblue Versus, 100% Orange Juice, and recently we went through the prologue of Paranormasight. I grinded with some other friends in Granblue Relink and man I need to assemble that squad again so I can get Ambrosia.

Oh yeah, an IRL friend helped me start up collecting for Wii again! Meaning I can hopefully get Gamecube games too because while I do have Dolphin and Parsec, I still have trouble opening files, configuring my controller and configuring a memory card. True there's a risk of scratched discs and spending way more than I need to. Hm.

[andydrysdalerogers]

Sliding Into Home ~ Evidence, Emotions, Whatever

Pairing: MLB!Frank Adler x Abigail Hernandez (OFC)

Synopsis:

After a trade from Boston to Los Angeles, first baseman Frank Adler would seem to have it all. Money, women, an amazing niece, yes Frank should have it all. Except for one thing. One thing that left after a mistake five years ago. Los Angeles should be the chance to start over. Except she is supposed to be in Boston. Not his new medical director.

* A Frank Adler AU x Major League Baseball Story**

Warning: ANGST (i can't stress this enough), second chances, cheating, S~M~U~T!!, slow burn, drug use, abandonment issues, betrayal, domestic violence (i may have missed some), flashbacks

Dividers by me

I do NOT give permission for my work to be translated or reposted on here or any other site, even if you give me credit. DO NOT REPOST MY FICS. Reblogs, comments, likes, and feedback ALWAYS appreciated

Previous: For Reasons Unknown...

Sliding Into Home Master List Main Masterlist

Frank slammed the door to the office. One week ago, his world was being turned upside down. Now, after the motion hearing, they had to continue to wait for a decision on the adoption.  The judge had granted the stop on the adoption but not the cancellation.  Mike had to prove that he was a fit parent and DNA evidence.  He also had to show why Abby and Frank were not fit for adoption.  Frank reached for the scotch after Andy called with the news. He poured himself a healthy measure and sat on the window seat.  He watched as Mary played with Dodger and Scott, Marco watching over.  

“Frankie?” Abby poked her head in after letting Frank have a few minutes. “Baby?” 

“I can’t right now Abby. I just can’t.”  

“They didn’t say we couldn’t adopt her.” 

“No but they are giving him a chance. Why would they fucking do that?  He has charges against him!” 

“I know, baby, I know.”  She sat next to him and rubbed his back.  “None of it makes sense.”  

Frank drained his glass. “There has to be something to prove he’s an unfit parent.”  

“I agree.” She kissed his cheek.  “And we’re gonna work together to find it.”  

That whole week was dedicated to research and reaching out to anyone and everyone who had been a part of Mike’s life.  A lot were shocked to hear what Mike had been trying to do.  Others felt that the way Frank and Abby went about their relationship forced the reaction.  

Frank and Johnny were warming up for their next game.  “Have you heard from Andy?” 

“No.” Frank felt dejected. Andy, Steve his agent and Scott had been making call after call.  Abby had been called in by the hospital to cover for another surgeon so that added to Frank’s worry. He thought back to after she got to the call. 

“Cricket, you’re pregnant. I don’t think the added stress is good for you.”  

“Frankie, there are patients that need me. I will rest a lot and not make it longer than eight hours. I’ll talk with the Chief.”  

“Cricket, you don’t have to work. I can take care of us.”  

Abby narrowed her eyes and Frank took a step back. “Franklin, are you saying that I’m not strong enough to work?” 

“No baby, I’m...” 

“Let me tell you something Franklin Edward, I am stronger than any man. I survived more in my life.”  

“Baby, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean you weren’t strong. I’m just... fuck Cricket, I’m scared ok.” 

“Scared of what?” 

Frank took a moment. “We are on the verge of losing Nugget and what if something happens to you or the baby and... I keep seeing the worst every time I close my eyes.”  

“Frankie, we are not going to lose Mary. I am going to be safe, and we are not going to lose our baby. Honey, you can’t let your fears take over. I promise, I won’t overdo it.”  

“I know, I’m sorry Cricket. I know you are the strongest woman I know.” He kissed her forehead. “Forgive me love.”  

“Say something like that again and we are going to have problems Frank.”  

“I know Cricket.”  

“Now let’s get ready for bed. You need to rub my back.”  

“Yes ma’am.”  

“Abby has thrown herself into work for distraction.  We had to talk to Mary about the hearing because the judge said she wanted to talk to Mary.” Frank sighed. “I just wish we had something to show he is a bad guy. I just can’t believe that he might get custody.”  

Johnny sighed. “I remember you telling me he had helped you in getting custody of Strawberry when she was a baby. Something about seeing Diane using drugs.” He furrowed his brows.  

Frank had mimicked his expression. “Yeah, he did.” 

“Well, how did he know that? He had to have been with her when she was using it.” 

It clicked in Frank’s head. “So it is possible he was using as well. Fuck Storm, you’re a genius.” He pulled out his cell and sent a message to Andy.  

Frank: Can we request a drug test?  Andy: We would need a reason  Frank: He claimed that Diane was using. How would he know?  Andy: Noted. I will file the motion.  

Frank put his phone away. “Thank Storm. Hopefully we’ll get a break.”  

The game is perfect, the Dodgers shutting out the Padres for the day. As Frank jogs off the field, he looks up to see Abby in the row behind the dugout.  “Hey Cricket!” 

“Hey Frankie! Nice game.”  

“You been here all game?” 

“Came in the end of the seventh. Got to watch you bat.”  He could see her eyes turn sparkly and he laughed, knowing that watching him bat was an aphrodisiac for her. She had a thing for his forearms.  She bites her lower lip.  

“Let me shower and take you home baby. Mary has after school science club today, remember?” 

“And Scott?” 

“He’s with Steve. Marco is watching Mary.”  

“So, we have the whole house to ourselves?” It was a rarity in the Adler home to have it to themselves.  

“Sure do Cricket. I also got a fresh jar of peanut butter and Oreos.”  

They way Abby’s eyes light up makes Frank chuckle again.  Johnny happened to come out to call to Frank and overheard the last comment. “Gross.  Doc, isn’t that bad for you or something?”  

“Depends on the situation Johnny. In this case, it's our secret indulgence.”  She winked at him, and he shuddered.  

“Just when I thought I knew you Adler. Now I know what you and the misses get up to in the bedroom using peanut butter and cookies.  Why can’t you be normal, like tying her up or something?” He shakes his head as he walks back into the dugout.  

“If only he knew,” Frank said as Abby bursts out laughing.  

As Abby brushed out her hair to get ready for court, Mary walked in. “Mama, can you tie up my hair?”  

“Sure Nugget.”  She brushed her hair back to gather it up. She could see Mary thinking hard. “What is it, Nugget?” 

“If the judge says you can’t adopt me, does that mean I have to stop calling you Mama?” 

Abby watched as Mary’s eyes glassed over with unshed tears. “No, it doesn’t. I’m your Mama as long as you have me. You’re my Mary and nothing, not the judge, not Mike, will change that.  Just like Frank is your daddy.”  

“I don’t want to go with Mike. He’s not my dad.” Mary turned and buried her face into Abby’s neck and cried.  Abby did her best to comfort her in the moment, stroking her hair and squeezing her tight.  

“I’m sorry you have to go through this baby girl. I wish we could just adopt you and we can move forward with our lives. But Uncle Andy, Uncle Steve and Scott have been working really hard to fight this and now we got to go to court, and you get to tell the judge how you feel.  How you feel is really important.”  

“And you won’t leave me alone with him?” 

“Never, ok?” She wiped the tears from Mary’s face and took it in her hands. “Daddy and I won’t let anything happen to you.”  

As the family walked into the court house, Abby was passed a letter from Andy.  “What is this?” 

“It’s a letter from Diane.  To be opened by you only.”  Andy shrugged.  “My private investigator, Hansen, had done one more interview with Diane and this was given to him to pass along.”  

Abby’s hands trembled as she opened the letter.  

Dear Abby,   When I found out that I was pregnant, I really thought I had a chance at a happy life with Mike. It was a dream come true. I thought it was my chance to have a happily ever after just like you and my brother. When I told Mike about the pregnancy, he said two things to me. 1. He wasn’t the father because I slept around and 2. that he wanted me to abort.   It hurts my heart to know that he really didn’t care about me. I told your investigator where the key to the safety deposit box at Boston National was at and that the letters from Mike during that time are there.   I’m so sorry that I hurt you , Frank and Mary.  I knew when I left her with you, that you would be her mom. I knew it was the best choice for her. I hope this helps in stopping Mike.   Please let Frank know that I miss him. I hope he can forgive me for what I done and that maybe we can build our relationship again. He knows where to find me.   Take care of our family, Abby.   Always,   Diane 

Abby wipes her eyes.  “Did he give you anything else?” 

Andy held up a stack of envelopes. “Let’s go into a conference room.”  Andy, Abby, Frank, filed into a room, while Scott, Mary and Marco sat outside. Andy opened the bundle.  “There are a few addressed to Mary to be opened on specific days.” He handed those to Frank.  “There is one to Frank and the rest... Holy shit.”  

“What was it?” Frank asked.  

“They are letters from Mike to Diane. Dated when Mary was conceived.” Andy looked at Abby.  “May I?” 

She nodded. “I know what they are going to say.” 

Andy opened letter after letter confirming what Diane had wrote. “He denied being the father,” he said. “He asked Diane to have an abortion...” he stopped. “We can admit this to the court as proof.”  

Frank took the letters and read.  “This bastard did this to my sister.  Can we use this in the kidnapping charges as well?” 

“Absolutely. I’ll send them to Diskant as soon as we are done here today.  Let’s get this party started.”  The group stood and walked out.  Abby and Frank took both of Mary’s hands and walked to the court room.  As they entered, a familiar laugh rang through the room. Mike Weiss stood at the front with another man.  

“Oh look, it's my daughter and her jailers,” Mike said with a sneer.  

Frank growled but Abby put a hand on his arm. “Let it go Frankie.” The family sat where Andy directed them and took a seat as they waited for the judge. Mary cuddled into Frank’s side, keeping her face away from Mike.  

They all stood as the judge entered the courtroom.  “You may sit,” he ordered. “Ok, we are here to hear the motion to suppress the adoption of Mary Eileen Adler. Complaint filed by the alleged natural father Michael Weiss and contesting are the guardians in questions, Franklin Adler and Abigail Hernandez-Adler.  Mr. Weiss, you may proceed.”  

“Thank you, Your Honor.  I am submitting my first piece of evidence as exhibit A. This is the DNA match showing that I am the natural father of the child.  Second is the birth certificate where I am not listed so I cannot terminate rights that I was not privileged too.”  

“Entered into the record.  Mr. Weiss, your argument please.”  

“Your honor, due to the natural mother’s, Diane Adler, reckless behavior, I was not allowed time to establish myself as Mary’s father. I was away at school, earning my degree while Miss Adler gave birth and then subsequently rescinded her rights to Mary.  While I am grateful to Mr. Adler and Dr. Hernandez for raising the child, I would like to point out a few things.  

“Mr. Adler has been known to make reckless decisions while having custody of Mary.  Proof of alcohol abuse is evident in public record and led to the termination of his relationship with Dr. Hernandez. Mary only had one guardian for five years before Dr. Hernandez reappeared in her life.  That instability is not good in the upbringing of a child.  She should be brought up in a stable home with a loving parent who would do anything for her.  I believe that I am that parent. Thank you.”  

“Mr. Weiss, how do you explain the pending kidnapping charges against you?” 

“I feel like that was a misunderstanding.  The guardians did not allow me access to my daughter, and I just wanted to get to know her. It is not my fault that they over reacted and calling in law enforcement.  Once the matter of her guardianship is settle, those charges will be removed.”  

“Alright.” The judge turned to Andy.  “Mr. Barber, any evidence you would like to add?”  

“Yes, Your Honor,  I have in my possession, provided by the natural mother, Diane Adler, letters from Mr. Weiss to Miss Adler, during the time of Miss Adler’s pregnancy.”  Andy watched as Mike’s face blanched. “In these letters, you will find proof that Mr. Weiss denied paternity of the child multiple times but also requested that the pregnancy be terminated at the earliest convenience.”  

“Objection, how do they know when the time of the letters were written?”  

“The letters reference dates in the past as well as significant aging of the paper.”  

The judge looked over the letters.  “Admissible. Please continue.”  

“Thank you.  We also have the original custody order that named Mr. Adler as the guardian of Mary with an addendum of adding Dr. Hernandez-Adler as a guardian after the fact.  Mr. Weiss’s argument that Mary was in an unstable home is laughable.  Mr. Adler has done everything he could to provide Mary will everything she needed.  When he himself could not care for her, given his profession, he made sure that the child caregiver chosen was of sound mind, clean record and recommendations from former employers.  He is in the room today to testify, if need, that Mr. Adler was a loving and attentive parent to his niece.  

The door opened in the back, interrupting Andy. A young woman went up to Andy.  “A moment your honor.” He spoke to the woman and smiled.  “Apologies, sir, but we have an additional witness that we would like to add to our list.”  

“Alright, name?” 

“Bobby Fuller.”  

NEXT

Taglist

@patzammit

@texmexdarling

@slutforchrisjamalevans

@firephotogrl74

@before-we-get-started

@tinkerbelle67

@bunnyforhim

[justvibewithjas]

𝚃𝚒𝚕𝚕 𝚃𝚑𝚎 𝚂𝚞𝚗 𝙲𝚘𝚖𝚎𝚜 𝚄𝚙

Content Warning: Barely any plot, he's a gentleman, consent is hot, fem!reader, switch!König

3RD PERSON POV:

Y/n walk out of the barracks in her citizen clothes. She's filled with the anticipation of going home to her actual bed and she can't wait to get home. She so tired from missions. She looks down at her phone when she bump into something and out of instinct she pulls back and punches whoever it is in the gut.

He lets out a surprised grunt as he falls down and gasps for air.

"Ow- What was that for," He asks. Oh shit its König.

"Im so sorry I didn't mean to do that," She says cupping her mouth.

"It's fine," He says and gets back up.

"So um König would you like to go for a coffee sometime so I can make up for that," She says awkwardly and scratch the back of her neck. Please don't hate me. She thought.

"Hmm... yeah, I think I would. How often do you get days off? I know that we'll be busy on ops so it might be tough finding a good time. You want to trade numbers?," He responds. He's already reaching over to his tac-pack, looking ready to pull out his phone.

"Yeah sure. I have next week off so I'll be at my apartment off base for awhile," She says.

He smiles.

"Ok, here's my number," He says. She reaches for her phone and puts his number in.

He types in her name, then turns his phone around and hands it to her. She puts her number in and gives it back.

"What do you like to do in your free time," He asks.

Without thinking words come out of her mouth.

"You," She says and cups her hands on her mouth. Y/n's cheeks burn red. "I am so sorry."

He blushes a little.

"Well, I didn't see that coming. I guess your moves are pretty effective, huh," He says.

She just accidentally hit on him but he doesn't seem to mind in the slightest bit.

"Almost always," She says.

"Almost always? Well now I'm curious about those times it doesn't work. What happens when it doesn't work," He says laughing.

"Oh I was joking I get what I want pretty easy," She responds.

He grins and nods before responding. "Alright, so it's an almost guaranteed yes when you ask? Just need to figure out what your type is,"He says and winks. He winked at her. He smirks and laughs.

"Oh I like my men big and tall," She replies coyly.

"I'm definitely tall but... big? In height or width?," He says as he flexes his muscles. She can't help but laugh at him he's adorable.

"So you think that you're my type huh," She retorts. He smiles and speaks again.

"We're gonna have to see about that," König. His eyes twinkle a little bit and she can tell he's smiling from his eyes. "Well, I can't turn down a pretty face, so I'd say you're my type too. Are you single or do I have some competition?"

"I'm single," She responds.

"You're definitely my type, so that gives you a pretty good advantage." He smiles. " Hmm, so what's your idea of the perfect date? Dinner? Movies?," He is still smirking. This is the most she's ever heard him talk.

"A movie night in with a good home cooked meal and snacks is good with me," She responds.

"Ooh. Do you like ones that are really scary? I'm always trying to find a good horror to scare the pants off me - those are the best kind. Or do you kinda like those campy movies that are more goofy? We could get some snacks, cozy up, and binge watch a bunch of them," He says. It's funny to imagine the giant König scared of a simple film.

"My favorite are the scream movies," She replies. She adds in quickly "I also kinda think Ghostface is hot,"

"Scream. That's the one with the "phone call from the killer" theme, right? I always thought those kinds of movies were kind of silly, but I could be interested if you watch them with me." He smiles and blushes a little. "So what do you think of guys in tactical face mask? Do those count?"He says while pointing at his mask. She turns red a little but answers him.

"I don't mind it. Oh wow," She says and checks the time on her phone."Hey I gotta go. Text or call me when you wanna come over for that movie marathon pretty boy."

He chuckles and leans in close to her.

"You got your work cut out for you," He whispers in her ear. "I'll be in touch." He smiles in that moment, then turns to walk away, looking back over his shoulder.

"Have a good one, pretty girl," He winks and chuckles a little as he walks.

****

Over the next few days they text constantly and one night they even called, both of them fell asleep. Both of them are starting to develop heavy feelings.

Y/n is in her kitchen washing dishes when she gets an idea to call König and invite him over.

He picks up his phone with a smile on his face. He takes a minute to clear his throat before answering.

"Yello? This my pretty girl?" He says with a light hearted tone. His voice is pleasant and calm. "How are you doing today?" It's clear that König's happy to hear from her and has been thinking about her since they talked last.

"It is. I'm good I was wondering if your free for that dinner and movie marathon tonight," She asks.

He smiles over the phone and looks at his calendar. "Well, would you look at that... I do happen to be free tonight," He says.

"Good because you're gonna get the crap scared out of you," She says laughing. "Be here at 7 okay," She adds.

He laughs a little at the way she said that.

"Alright, 7 o'clock it is. I'll see you then," He says with a warm smile in his voice before hanging up and getting ready for his date with his "pretty girl".

Time flies and before he knows it, it's around 7. He grabs his car keys and makes sure he looks good before walking out to his Jeep. In order to be on time, he starts his Jeep up and begins driving in her direction. He stops and gets some flowers. He pulls into the parking lot and he smiles to himself as walks up the stairs of her apartment building. He quickly jogs up to her door and knocks. As he waits, his heart is beating a little faster and his palms start to get sweaty. Is this girl serious about me? Or was it just a passing flirtation? He knocks again and as he feels a little nervous, wondering if he's come to the right place. She opens the door with a bright smile. He flashes a huge smile, happy to see her.

"You look beautiful," He says with a warm and genuine tone. He looks you up and down, admiring her overall appearance. He holds out the flowers and her smile grows a bit bigger.

"Wow that's so sweet of you," She says and takes the flowers from him. She steps out of the way and allows him inside her apartment. He comes inside and looks around. It's a nice place . "Y'know I didn't need flowers right. However I am not complaining about getting flowers from a cute guy.

He blushes a little from the compliment but holds his composure.

"Just trying to treat a beautiful woman with the same respect she deserves," He says with a light chuckle. Her face flushes but she turns around and goes to grab a vase for the flowers from the kitchen. He follows her and leans against the counter. "It smells good in here what did you cook," He asks as he crosses his arms.

"Vodka pasta and it's just about done. You go sit down, I'll bring it over in a second," She says as she puts the flowers into the vase.

"Oh okay," He responds and sits at the island on a barstool. He watches her grab the pot and a bowl of salad. She sets the down and grabs glasses and a bottle of wine. He can't help but be amazed with her. She moves in such fluid movements. Her shirt hugs her chest perfectly. Her jeans are tight on her thighs and her ass. His face gets red just watching her and he has to look away.

She serves him a plate of pasta and salad and then serves herself one. She sits down and pours them both a glass of wine.

"I hope you like it," She says before taking a sip of her wine.

"I'm sure it will be lovely," He says and grabs his fork to try it. He takes a bite and his eyes widen.

"Is it bad," She asks.

"No it's wonderful mein liebling," He says smiling at her. Her face flushes slightly at his words. She smiles back at him.

After they finish eating she leads him into the front room and they sit down on the couch. She puts the first Scream movie on. They get to the part where Sidney has the Ghostface mask on.

"Wow she's really messing them up," König says. She looks up at him. Sometime during the movie she got closer to him. His arm is wrapped around her and he's holding her close.

"Yeah she is. She's one of the best final girls in horror films," She says looking back at the screen.

"You are absolutely gorgeous." He says his hand coming up and stroking her jaw. His thumb drags across her bottom lip. Her face reddens but she leans into his touch. "May I," He asks leaning towards her.

"Yes," She closes her eyes and leans the rest of the way in. His lips are surprisingly soft. He tilts his head and deepens the kiss. Using his left hand he pulls her closer to him by her waist. She straddles him and wraps her arms around the back of his neck. His hands feel up her thighs and he squeezes them. They pull back and both of them are panting and both their faces are flushed.

"You're a good kisser engel," He says looking up at her. Her face flushes slightly more at the nickname.

"Oh shut up and kiss me again," she says and pulls his face to her and smashes her mouth to his. He groans and grabs her ass. She slowly starts to grind down on him. Her hips moving in circular motions. His breath hitches but he pushes up against her. He craves her touch.

"You're driving me crazy," he breathes out. She smiles against his lips before answering him.

"Good,"

"That's it. Bedroom," he says.

"Down the hall all the way back," She responds. He scoops her up and carries her to the bedroom. He tosses her onto the bed and she laughs as she bounces on the mattress. He walks closer to her and she pulls him all the way to her by his belt loops. His hand reaches out and caresses her jaw.

She unbuckles his belt and hooks her fingers into his pants she pulls them down. His gasps a little as the cool air hits him. Y/n reaches out and slowly starts to stroke him. His hand leaves her jaw and grabs a hold of her shoulder to ground himself.

"Ah," he groans and his head falls forward. She speeds her hand up. She slides from the bed down onto her knees. She takes her tongue and licks from the base of his dick up to the tip. She swirls her tongue around him before taking him into her mouth. His breath catches as he feels her do this. She bobs her head on him fast taking as much of him as she can. She looks up at him and his face is flushed bright red. He whimpers as he places his hand on her head. She uses her hand to stroke him as she takes him into her mouth.

The sudden movement takes him by surprise, and a little yelp comes out of him, "Wow..."

His head jerks back a little with the movement and then he takes in a deep breath and leans back in the bed.

He smiles a little and says, "I'm guessing you liked that?"

"You're pretty sensitive here." She says.

He sighs, "You're just gonna tease me, aren't you?" He chuckles and shakes his head a little bit.

"Maybe...maybe not."

He looks at her as she touches his skin and says, "I really don't know what to say."

"You don't have to say anything."

He laughs to himself and says, "I'm just really surprised at how this all went. I didn't think this would go this far."

She leans forward and licks from the base and up his shaft. She kisses his tip and swipes her tongue across his slit. She nods before taking him into her mouth and moving up and down on his shaft. His eyes open with surprise, his mouth hung open a bit, "Woah..."

He sighs and adds, "Well, you're doing that just right."

His face still flushes from the sensations and he's a little speechless. She smiles and looks up at him. Drool is leaking down her chin as she does this. He closes his eyes a little bit and enjoys the feeling, letting her do most of the work. He looks back back at her and smiles softly, "You're having a little too much fun doing that."

She mumbles something and it sends vibrations through him. He gasps a little and tilts his head to the side, not quite expecting this.

"W-what did you say?" He asks softly, clearly not hearing her right. He smirks again and laughs, "You can't mumble with your mouth...being all occupied."

She laughs around him. "Mm hmm," She looks up at him bobbing her head faster. He whines and tangles his hand in her hair. He starts bucking his hips up into her mouth. His voice fails him as he chases his release. After a moment he thrusts up into her mouth hard and cum leaks down her throat. He falls back against the bed panting. She smiles and swallows everything. Licking the side of her mouth to get some of the fluid that leaked out.

"Fuck Y/n," He groans covering his face his chest raising and falling quickly.

"You all tuckered out König," She says teasingly.

He smiles down at her. "Not in the slightest." He runs his finger across her bottom lip and pulls her to him by her throat.

"Oh?" She groans feeling her body heat up.

"Pants off now," He says. She obliges him and takes her clothes off. He lays back and grabs her thigh and lower back. She gasps as he rubs against her clit. He pushes her thighs apart and pushes himself into her.

"Oh fuck," She sighs and her head falls back.

"Mhm hmm," He groans and his hands squeeze her hips. He slides his hands up and down her thighs as she starts to move in slow circular motions against him. She whines as his dick rubs against her g-spot.

"König!" She groans and holds onto his shoulders as he starts to thrust up into her hard. She wraps her arms around his neck and buries her face there as well. She was drowning in the feeling of him Every thought she had was of him. How he looked. How he smelled. Everything. She was being consumed and she wanted to be swallowed by him. She wanted him. No she needed him.

"Y/n," He whines into her ear. God the way his voice sounded made her weak. His arms were wrapped around her as he thrusted up to meet her movements. "Y/n please don't stop...I'm...I'm so close."

That confession. That drove her mad. She bit into his neck marking him as hers. There was no way she was letting him go. Not when the way he touched her set her skin on fire and especially not when she was so utterly entangled in him. Everything before him seemed so fruitless.

"Cum for me König," She whispered into his ear tugging his hair slightly at the nape. His hands found her hips and his pace became ungodly. His voice becoming whiny and breathy as he chased his release. His hands dug into the soft flesh of her hips pulling her up and down on him. She groaned and bit down onto his shoulder. Her own release was approaching as well. That oh so familiar knot was forming in her stomach. Begging to snap.

"Y/n~," He whimpered and thrust up into her one last time. His fluid coating her insides sent her over the edge and her back arches as she hit her high. Both of their fluids leaked down her thighs. Flowing down to his v-line and onto the bed below. Neither of them moved for a moment as they clinged to each other.

"That was great. You did such a good job König," She said smiling at him. She felt him twitch and saw his face redden at the praise. She smiled to herself when she realized the meaning of that reaction. "You good to go again I'm assuming." She said lift his jaw up so his eyes met hers. He nodded eagerly with cheeks a slightly redder tone.

She pushed down on his chest and guided him down towards the bed. She smiles down at him. Unknown to her, he was enthralled with her as well. When her voice rang out and complimented him on pleasing her, he decided that he wanted nothing more than to do that. To make her his and to spend the rest of his life with her. This was the beginning of the end for them.

[jamiesfootball]

22 and 23 for the 2023 writer asks!

22. Share an excerpt from your favorite scene

23. Share the final version of a sentence or paragraph you struggled with. What about it was challenging? Are you happy with how it turned out?

Gonna be a little unorthodox and answer both in one go. But also since I know you have been a busy little bee, I will put it below the line for spoilers, in case you would like to read it later.

I'm talking about one of the twists! The moment somebody in the comments coined as 'the Sisyphus pull'

First, the excerpt:

The tension snapped. He shoved at Roy's shoulders, eyes bright with fury. Roy pushed him back. Hard. Between one second and the next they fell into grappling, shoving and pulling as they tried to knock each other down, the world slipping out from awareness— —and Roy was prepared for the pain he had coming to him— —he knew what he'd done to earn it, better to earn it now before it could circle back down the road ten times worse— —wasn't like he hadn't had his arse handed to him more times than he could count— —seventeen, minutes after his debut when running his mouth he learned the hard way how to write a cheque his bones couldn't cash— —eighteen, in physio, with the growing weight that he'd fucked up— —retired, in physio, pain and him on friendly terms— —his heartbeat pounded in his ears, lighting up his nerves and leaving a tang of iron in his mouth, and he hadn't asked for the itch under his skin, but it threatened to eat him alive if he didn't find a way to get it out of his system— He got in a lucky shove. Jamie tripped. One of his rings caught against Roy's shirt and a loud tear ripped through the air, deafening against the blood pulsing in his ears. Without thinking, Roy caught him by the elbow, steadying him before he could fall—only to realize what he was doing and shove him away. Jamie's arm pulled back, and with blood banging like a war drum in his ears, Roy did what instinct and years of training demanded and headbutted his opponent square in the fucking face. Something crunched. "Fuck!" Jamie swore. A poorly formed fist glanced off Roy's forehead, the sharp sting catching him off guard. Roy stumbled back into the lamppost, Jamie hit the ground, and that was it. That was the whole fight. Less than ten seconds, if he had to guess. Jamie's eyes gleamed up at him from the pavement. Blood dripped through his cupped hand and onto his new jacket, black in the dark like ink on a blot test. Weeks too late, the Red Bull commercial finally slapped him in the face. Sisyphus; that was the name. The guy on the hill, the one that didn't have any wings. The one who was doomed to keep doing the same thing over and over again.

The commentary

There are two things I want to talk about here: the fight itself and the Sisyphus of it all.

The fight:

This entire scene was difficult in many ways, many of them starting with the fact that I did not care for the fight scene in the finale. It didn't feel earned, it came out of nowhere, and it felt like a disservice to two characters who - yeah, have fought before - but not like this. They've never drawn blood. It's always just been pushing and shoving and getting in each other's face. So there's regression, and then there's hitting some level we've never seen them at.

But the whole point of this fic isn't to rewrite things to be different and better - it's to work around what canon gave us so that I could somehow make canon like. Work. At all. On a fundamental level that works in the narrative.

The actual craft of the fight I drafted out in very broad strokes. I had the beginning part of the scene very clearly, but then getting them to a point where something like trading blows could happen? Very difficult. 'Boys will be boys' / 'lol men are dumb' / etc got bandied about a lot after the finale, and even disregarding my innate hatred at those phrases, using pithy sayings to bandage narrative failings will never not appear to me like the laziest of writing decisions.

So it was important to me that the first half of the chapter really be leading to This Point, and equally important that when we got to this point that we would have a full grasp of how the fight wasn't just a one-off problem. It was a sign that something deeper had gone wrong. It was a gradual implosion - the building up of many highly emotional beats that Roy, at the end of the day, just didn't have the tools to process.

The parts that are in flashback, I wanted to use those to highlight the cyclical nature of pain-anger-violence in Roy's life. How it's taken over as the only thing he does understand how to process - the when 'you have a hammer, every problem looks like a nail' of it all. He wants to fix things with Jamie, and in a fucked up way this is supposed to fix things, but it's not even inflicting pain on Jamie that he's thinking of here - it's the pain he's expecting to be inflicted on himself.

The other priority here with the fight was that while it's not good, it's not okay by any means, it actually never crosses much further into violence than we've seen from them before. We've seen them shove each other. We've seen Jamie, cornered, throw a punch. We've seen Roy headbutt. It's not that the actions themselves are worse, it's that the circumstances surrounding them are so fucked. It's supposed to hurt.

And then it does hurt. Roy lands a hit that does actual damage to Jamie, and that's what finally snaps him out of it. Or rather, that's what finally wakes him up, because....

The Sisyphus of it all:

I mentioned before in another post how Roy confusing Icarus and Sisyphus originally started as a joke (it's an old commercial, after all). The joke then became more serious the longer I thought about it - it made sense to me that Roy, with all his pushing Jamie to be better and seeing Jamie fall to pieces during Mom City, would worry that he'd made an Icarus out of him.

But then the Sisyphus thing was right there, and I thought that would serve as an excellent metaphor for Roy and how he feels about his life right now.

The other thing I'm proud of - the thing I really wanted to accomplish and based on feedback I DID accomplish - was the 'pull' aspect of it. That it was something off to the side, just out of notice of both Roy and the audience, and that bringing it back into the narrative at just the right point would have a whiplash effect.

THAT is the bit I struggled with. I knew I had to work it in gradually. I knew I had to bring it up in a way that the audience would go on this Icarus journey with Roy, while at the same time having the same lingering feeling that something wasn't quite right. Getting the narrative to reflect the repetitive pattern of the Sisyphus struggle without putting it together themselves that that's the conclusion that was waiting at the end of the line.

I now feel like I rambled a bit without answering your question straight on, but the short of it all is that writing this fight was a STRUGGLE and YES I'M PROUD OF IT. I think it paid off. I hope anyone who reads it feels like it did too.