#gonna have to call head office or some bullshit to get a name how fucking embarrassing is that

[kylewalker-peters]

"provide the email and phone number of someone above you at your previous job" like bro retail is not an office job i never met the store manager and i literally had to call the shop if i wanted to talk to anyone why the fuck would i know anyone there or their personal numbers i will literally commit violence

[gremlingottoosilly]

Imagine another soldiers GF is visiting him and Konig sees her and is like "My GF now" what is he gonna do? Challenge the 7 ft. Tall killing machine?

Visiting Paul wasn't the sanest thing you did - and not the proudest of your moments, too. Your relationships started to crack a while ago, not helped by the rumors his squad buddies are spreading whenever you're in the earshot or Facetiming him. You just wanted to give him a visit, maybe woo him over with some homemade goods, and maybe be a normal boyfriend and girlfriend again. Maybe. You didn't expect his colonel to give you such a scolding. "You know that poisoning the troops is a war crime, ja?" You're terrified. His colonel is fucking huge, has a creepy name - seriously, what did he do to be named King instead of Potato or a Shrimp - and has that weird boyishly rough voice that lools you into the sense of security, only for it to be broken the second he laughs, tearing into the dumb box filled with dumb cookies you made for Paul and some of his squadmates. You had friends at his station, you thought you could just get in without the bureaucracy bullshit - only closest family members are allowed here, and you are quite certain that your boyfriend won't wife you up anytime soon. "It's not poison, s...sir" "I look like a sir to you, Maus? Call me colonel" You want to answer that he looks like a fucking nightmare crawling out of your bad dreams, but you bite your tongue. Don't even resist as Konig gets his huge gloved hands into the box, slowly taking one of the cookies. You whimper as he snaps the thing in half - hours of hard work, you can already see them being trashed away all because Paul didn't respond to your calls and didn't pick them up immediately and because he didn't mention his colonel is going to be on the base and- Konig gets one of your cookies under his hood, the sounds of munching like music to your ears - an angel's horn, maybe, the ones that play during the apocalypse. You wait patiently to be prosecuted for your crimes - the ones you aren't quite sure you even committed, to be honest. "You'll do. Horangi will show you to my quarters." You think you're hearing things. Maybe, you somehow managed to hit your head on the way to the colonel's office, and now you're hallucinating the entire encounter? The colonel stands up - he is huge, god, too fucking tall to even be alive, you think - and drops a heavy hand on your shoulder, patting you almost awkwardly. You hate the way he looks at you right now - almost soft, almost gentle, his hand squeezes your skin in a way that is way more loving than your boyfriend ever did before, and you feel pathetic for leaning into the touch, if only for a second. You didn't know that Konig got his eye on you even before you went to the base. He knows a lot about his soldiers, and your sorry fuck of a boyfriend clearly didn't deserve a sweet little thing like you - for fucks's sake, you literally just brought homemade cookies to the military base; how much more of an angel you can be. He also knew that you're not quite satisfied with the relationships if he can judge by how much bitching Paul is letting out during his free time. Konig also knows that if he gets you to marry him as soon as possible, sooner he could put you in his house and make you bake him cookies every day of his retirement - that doesn't seem like such a bad opportunity now, not if he would have a pretty housewife attached to his hip. And if you don't really want to be with him, well... Nothing that a few weeks of extensive home training couldn't fix.

[hellish-sunsets]

You're an Asshole - Pt 2 - First Attempt

Pt 1

Summary: Adam goes to a concert and tries to win reader over.

Warning: swearing

Word Count: 1,302

------------------------

This was fucking bullshit.

He glared at the stupid list in his hand, squinting at the smudged and blurry ink. The room was quiet save for the ticking of the clock on the shelf somewhere above his head. The only light was from the desk lamp, dim and just enough to light the old wooden desk. It wasn’t the grand mahogany desk of his office at work, but the worn pine of the desk shoved in the corner of his bedroom. The corners were covered in dust, telling of how rarely this desk was used. Why would he? There was plenty of better shit to do.

He was supposed to be going to a concert later tonight. That should be a fuckton more fun than agonizing over this bullshit.

Misogynistic, egotistical, sex obsessed, demeaning, condescending (he was almost certain those two were the same thing but whatever), hateful, violent, foul-mouthed all around rude.

He was sure he wasn't always like this, was he? He huffed, scratching at the stubble on his chin. He chose not to dwell on that thought.  What mattered right now was proving to that stuck up bitch he wasn't an asshole. Even if… he was starting to think maybe he was. But what did that matter? No one was perfect. Besides, he was the first man himself! He was allowed a few more assholeish mannerisms, right? 

Fuck that stupid bitch! This whole thing was fucking with his head. He would just got to this lame ass concert, prove to that bitch he was the most charming, not assholish person in existence, they would fuck and he could be over with this whole fucking situation.

He smirked at himself, leaning back in the chair, the old wood creaking under his weight. He would be sure this night would be worth it.

‐‐—--------------------

Just as he suspected, the concert itself was lame as fuck, some whiny emo bullshit he just couldn't get behind. He spent most of the time looking around for her. What even was her name again? He couldn't remember, not that it mattered. 

He didn't catch sight of her until the concert was almost over, the chorus of the last song clashing over the audience and drowning out their cheers. She was towards the front, the lights flashing and playing across her skin, lighting up her face and broad white smile, long white hair  and wings reflecting the various colors, mostly blues and purples. She almost looked like she was glowing, but that was corny ass couple shit or something. It was just another chick at a concert, just like all these other bitches. 

He let her enjoy the rest of the song before approaching her, the last clash of the cymbals his signal to swoop in.

“Watch this, Lute.” He said with a smirk, elbow digging into her side and making her scowl and roll her eyes. “I'm gonna have this bitch eating out of my hand.”

“I know, sir, just get going before she runs off.” She said with a huff, fighting off a smirk of her own. He gave her a mock salute and headed towards his latest victim, the picture of innocence as she happily chatted with the few winners around her, unaware of how hard she was about to fall for him. He shoved through the crowd, earning scowls he ignored. 

Just be nice. Don't talk about yourself too much. Pretend you care. He could do this, just for one night.

“Hey, ti- uh, toots!” He said with a cocky grin, sliding in next to her. He mentally congratulated himself for not calling her tits. Most chick's didn't like it. He wasn't wearing his mask tonight, figured it would be easier to win her over if he could use his naturally good looks. That, and maybe she was stupid enough to think he was someone else. 

The group around her seemed tense when he showed up. One of them, another chick, tried to grab her arm and drag her away, but she gently nudged them off and offered them a warm smile.

“Hi, Adam. Gotta say, bit surprised to see you around here. Didn't think you liked this type of music.”

Not stupid then. Good, more fun that way. 

“Ya know, just figured I'd try something new.” He said with a half shrug. 

Her eyes lit up, a sparkling sort of blue. He couldn’t make out the exact shade in the dim lighting of the venue. “Good for you! I love hearing new music, it's so interesting to see all the different ways humans come up with to make songs! I also just really like finding what new instruments they come up with! How did you like it?” 

He could feel the smirk slip from his face as he huffed. He had a lot of words to describe this donkey shit of a concert: whiney, pathetic, shit, stupid, fucking lame. But he couldn’t voice any of that. He had to be polite. Eventually he managed another shrug.

“Yeah, definitely not my thing. Still going metal and rock and roll all the way.” That cocky smirk of his returned to his face and she gave an understanding nod. 

“Yeah, fair enough, but I'm glad you gave it a try! Life’s boring if you never try anything new.” She said with that flashing smile. Her friend's hand was on her arm again, but she still wouldn’t follow their lead, not yet anyways. He smirked to himself. He was reeling her in nicely, he was sure. 

“Yeah? And what music do you find rockin'm?” It was a trick question, of course. He had already heard her music before, but he wasn’t about to let that slip. Don't want to give her a big head or something or give off the impression he was some fan. 

“Ah, I don't usually have a genre preference.” She said with a wave of her hand, feathers ruffling slightly as she thought. “It's more like… I have specific songs I like, but no favorite genre. I don't really have a favorite band either. That's kind of fucking lame though, huh?” She said that last part with a nervous chuckle, wings drooping slightly, finger scratching at her cheek.

“Of fucking course not, don't be fucking stupid.” He said with a frown. It was a rather lame attempt at reassurance, but that was the best he could do. Her eyes widened in surprise and he was sure he had fucked it up, but then she flashed that bright smile of hers. 

“Aw, thanks Adam! I guess you're right. Anyways.” She waved it off and continued. “I'm in a band and we do stick to a specific genre, I guess, but that’s just for image, you know? No one likes a band that's constantly changing genre. It's like… folk… punk? I think that's the best way to describe it.”

“Fuck yeah, sounds badass.” And he might have actually meant it? He wasn’t entirely sure. Probably not. “Anyway, want to take this party on the road or something?”

And for a moment he really did think he had her. She gave him that pretty little smile, her wings fluttering slightly.

“Nah, I can’t.” He could feel his face fall and she giggled at that look. “Awww, come on, don’t look so disappointed! I’ve got work to do before bed, but we can hang out another time, okay?” 

It took every fiber in his being to remind himself to keep his cool, play it off, it wasn’t a no. He could still win her over yet.

“Yeah, alright, no biggie. Catch you next time bitch!” He abruptly turned away and marched off, managing to hide the scowl on his face, at least from her.

Next time, bitch. He would fucking get her next time.

[idesofrevolution]

The Journey of Dr. Santana Fabrega

There's nothing quite like your bro slobberin' over your sweaty feet while tokin' on a hookah. Let me just tell you- everybody's happy. I'm stoked to be stoned and minty fresh, and he's happy to taste my ripe size 12's. Who isn't the happiest? The folks. Sure, I dropped out of college, sure I started focusing one hundred percent on my art, sure I have a parade of guys out of my little basement lair... but I never got why they had to be such fuckin' buzzkills.

Ever since they joined that church when I was at uni, my parents have been sucked into the Evangelical cult. Not the whole lifting your hands up to Jesus & speaking in tongues sort of church, by the way. Man, they're out there with picket signs at sex clinics, bannin' books at the high school, all that crazy fuckin' Christian Nation bullshit. They're my parents, so I love 'em and whatever. But fuck, those psychos really fucked 'em up. So now, their crusade is "curing" me of my gayness. Didn't really matter that I'm pan, they don't really know the difference. They don't really care about the difference, though. Not straight, not right.

So when they caught me the other day with Sam cleanin' my dick in the basement, it was World War 3. Man, a Nuclear Bomb would have less energy than my mom's hysterical shrieking. It's Florida, so it's nothing the neighbors haven't heard before. But, shit. I thought my eardrums were gonna pop. They stomped off upstairs, bein' all 'we are going to talk about this later, Santiago.' So, I let Sammy finish up, I pulled on some shorts and I went upstairs to face the fire while he snuck out the basement window. Fuck, I wished I were him.

The 'family meeting' went about as well as you'd expect. Threats of burning in hell for all eternity, demands that I find the Lord, etc. Apparently he doesn't like a lot of things about me: my weed, my tattoos, my sexuality, my piercings, my hair for some reason? I don't know man, I just tuned out after a while. What I did catch, though, they were sending me to substance abuse counseling. Couldn't help but laugh, and that sent dad through the fuckin' roof.

"Doctor Fabrega is going to teach you some manners, young man. Make you a Godly man, like you should be." Yada yada yada. He should have known better than to give me the doc's name. After the ass reaming, I made my way back downstairs to the computer. It took five minutes of research to find this Doctor Fabrega. Turns out he's a Christian Therapist, but that wasn't what was most interesting. Down in his specializations, buried beneath substance abuse & cognitive behavioral therapy was a word that caught my eye: licensed Hypnotherapist.

I knew exactly what kind of bullshit they were tryin' to pull on me. But when I was enrolled at U Miami, my major was Psychology. Not only that, but I still happened to have access to the university library. Oops.

I texted Sammy, knowing I was gonna be up all night doing research, and that my dick would need some appropriate attention under the desk. I was gonna show this motherfucker just how sick it really is to be like me.

---

The waiting room was bullshit. Cold white walls, bright wood floors... It looked straight out of an IKEA ad. I'd already been there for like 20 minutes past my appointment time, giving me just enough time to scroll through the last chapter on my phone. I hear the receptionist call out my name, and I head toward the office. Just as bullshit as the waiting room. It's like the guy wants to live in a psych ward- no color anywhere. At least get a blacklight or something.

"Santiago Rivera. Welcome, I'm Dr. Fabrega." The guy was hot as fuck, not gonna lie. Looked like he was straight out of Sao Paulo- even with the fancy suit you can't hide muscle like that. "Please, sit. It's so good to meet you." His voice was so weird. Speaking every word with like, perfect diction. You know those AI voices that talk that way? That's what it was like, as if he were trying so hard to hide an accent underneath.

"Just call me Santi, doc." I plopped down on the leather chair, might have put my feet up on his coffee table (don't recall), and he just looked at me like he was looking in a microscope. No idea what the deal was. He walked over to the couch and sat down with my file and started to drone on.

"Alright, Santi, it says here that your parents are pretty concerned about your behavior lately. You're 23 years old and a college dropout, you take illicit drugs, you have no job, and you're having unnatural thoughts. That's quite the list, bud." He was so fuckin smug, that sort of punchable glibness that only comes from a particular kind of self righteousness. Like Jesus himself came down and kissed them.

"So, first off. I did drop out of college, because I couldn't afford it. Second, I sure the fuck do smoke green because it's a) fun, and b) prescribed to me by my real doctor. Third, I do have a job. I do graphic design and graffiti art and I pay my own bills with it. And last off, yup: I fucked him." He sat there, somehow shocked that I told him how it was right off the bat. I'm not playing his little game, and that made him angry.

"I see. So you have no remorse for any of this? I believe your parents are very right to be concerned about where your life is headed."

"Fascinating, considering I'm moving out at the end of the month and they won't need to deal with my life. So. You married?" He was thrown off by that, just as I'd hoped. Right out of the blue. Knocks them off kilter for a second. An easy question to answer, so they usually do.

"Uh, well, no I'm not married. Is that your concern in all this?" Man, I couldn't help but laugh. He's trying to be sarcastic?

"Where did ya go to school for... whatever this is." This made him close my file, he even put it on the table and crossed his arms.

"I went to Liberty University, top of my class in their Doctor of Psychology program. You, it seems didn't make it that far, so you might not know what 'this' is." Oooh, he's big mad. I thought, let's push it. I did what most of my guys love, but would piss him off, I kicked off the Vans. Made sure I wore my skating shoes that day, the super ripe ones with the same damp socks. When they came off, those puppies let their presence be known.

"Sounds boring. Boring then, boring now. I got accepted into the Art Institute in Savannah, so I'll be headed that way soon. Be legit soon, then you wouldn't have anything to say. How's your sex life?" He thought he was so tough, not flinching at the musk, nor my question. But I knew both hit him right where I wanted. The question to make him mad, the stink to get him hot.

"Santiago, I think we should continue with our session. You can put your shoes back on and we can try some exercises to help you think a bit more clearly." I crossed my ankles, wriggling my toes a bit.

"I think they need some air. Are you gonna try and hypnotize me now? Or is that the last ditch effort when everything else fails?" He leaned back in his seat, the grimace growing stronger. "That stuff is not that hard to master. A couple days really and you got it down."

"Is that so?" He ground his teeth as he spat out his words. "It seems you know all there is to know, then." Time to hit it home.

"You know what, let's put money on it, doc. Hundred bucks says I can put you under." I got him, his eyebrow shifted just enough for me to see.

"This isn't a casino, Santiago. I don't bet money on client's health." I couldn't help but smirk. He left an opening I couldn't pass up.

"Aight, no money then. If I put you under, I get the bragging rights. If I don't, I'll play your stupid games. Win-win for you, nothing to lose but your dignity." Hook, line and sinker; he leaned in, grabbing the remote on the table next to him. He tapped a button, and the shades started to come down.

"Well then, Mr. Rivera. I wish you luck."

The room got dark. Really fuckin' dark. Fabrega hit another button on the remote, and a cool blue washed over the room. Gotta say, tight LED system. I kicked my shoes off the table, and scooted my chair forward. Showtime.

"Alright, Santana, I want you to just take deep breaths." He squirmed at my use of his first name, one last dig before I brain fucked him. He took his deep breaths one at a time, slowly getting deeper and deeper. "As I count down from one to ten, each number will bring you closer and closer to relaxation. Picture a long tunnel, at the end, a bright white light. With every number, you take a step forward to the light, do you understand?"

He nodded, it was an induction I'd made up this morning. I started from 10, telling him his first step he could feel the tingling relaxation in the tips of his fingers, slowly crawling up his hands and forearms. 9. Another step, the tingling creeps up his big muscly arms and shoulders. 8. One more step, the tingling is pushing up his neck and throat, reaching his tongue and teeth. 7. The tingling bursts into his head, a paradoxical rush of relaxation, a fog of dissonance washes over his brain as thoughts collide and crash about. 6. The tingling washes down his spine, flowing through his nerves into every part of his body. His body feels electric, a painless jolt running throughout him. I watched as he tensed up, his big muscles contracting and bunching him up. It was working.

We get to 5, starting at the crown of his head, the volts decrease, turning lugubrious and liquified like molasses sloshing about in his head. 4. The light is so close he can feel the heat, but his body is cooled as the syrupy fluid flows down over him like a waterfall, pooling in his big feet as it fills every crevice. 3. It feels as if he's trudging through mud toward the light, his legs feeling wobbly and gelatinous. 2. So close, his whole body feels like a massless blob, inching toward the final drop into the cavernous light. 1. He crawls toward the ledge, plummeting down into the endless void of bright white light. There, he will sit as I have a little bit of fun.

"Alright, Santana. Can you hear me in there?" Fabrega nods, expressionless. Fuck, that was maybe a 80/20 chance I was gonna fuck this shit up so bad. But I guess God really is on my side here. "Whenever I ask a question, you will answer truthfully. Whatever I say you will incorporate into your life. Now, Santana, what do you do when you're not at work?" His lips moved slowly and replied in monotone.

"I go to the gym, I go to the golf course, I hire my date, and I go home." Ooooh shit. He's giving my friends on the corners a decent living, good for him. Hardly a Godly thing to do. Either way, it was a perfect place to start.

"You love going to the gym, don't you, Santana?" He nodded. "You love gettin' all sweaty don't you?" His head began to shake, his expression furrowing a bit in disgust. "No, Santana. You love getting all sweaty. The feeling of those cool droplets on your hot muscles during a hard workout? Doesn't it feel good?" He pauses, before reluctantly nodding. Ahh I love gettin my fingers in his brain, never ceases to please. "You love that funk that comes off your sweat, Santana. You love sniffin your pits, your big feet, your balls... That musk means you're workin' hard. Keeping in shape. Staying virile. Isn't that right?" He nodded, squirming in the chair. I watched his body try to reject the instructions, try to rebel, but just one repetition had his back to stillness.

"You don't even like golf, do you?" He nodded, I didn't even need to manipulate him. "You much prefer hitting the beach, don't you? Seein' all the guys and gals starin' at your glorious bod... You love it, don't you?" He nodded, the side of his lip curling ever so slightly. "You love bringing out the speedo, letting the goods hang low, letting the buns bulge... you know they all wanna see it anyway..." He nodded again, it was like taking candy from a baby. The guy had the mental fortitude of a frog.

"You like fucking, too. You can have any girl or guy on the street with a single wink." He nodded, and I couldn't help but watch as his groin started to bulge. "Yeah, boy. You love taking that horse cock and plowing it into some ass... plowing it into some pussy... fucking their pretty little mouths..." Drool started to drip from the corner of his lip, and a little wet spot quickly appeared on his pants. "You're a freak, aren't you, Santana? You like fuckin' in the car, in the sauna, at the gym, under the desk... gushing gallons into them while you shove your sneaker on their face." He was moaning, slowly grinding against the open air. Can't lie, I was gropin' myself a bit just watching him.

"Now, Santana. I'm going to bring you back to your office, but when I do, you are going to be super laid back and chill with Santi during your sessions. If he says the word 'sniff' you will return to this space, return to an open mind, just as we have done here today. Do you understand?" He nodded one final time before I began his emergence. Counting back from one to ten, I watched as he slowly came back to the real world, and with one snap, he blinked his eyes and wiped his brow.

"Well, doc. I got the bragging rights." Fabrega pinched the bridge of his nose, as if he had a headache. Time to see if it had all paid off.

"Uhh... yeah... Santi. You got me there..." Perfect. He pulled his hand away from his nose, clicking the shades back up to their little hole. It didn't take long until he saw the wet patch on his bulbous package. He chuckled under his breath. "You'll have to excuse the mess, Santi... I have hyperspermia, so sometimes it all just flows out." Hot- and totally unprofessional. Just how I like 'em. I leaned back in my chair, smirkin' the whole way.

"Damn, doc. Firehose down there. Gonna have to show me sometime." He smirked and waved me off.

"I don't fraternize with clients, Santi. Oh, look at the time. I'm late for my 5:30. Alright, I'll see you next week." He stood up, extending his hand, his whole demeanor entirely changed. I slipped my Vans back on, spitting on my hand before gripping his. He shuddered a bit, sure. But we were gonna get real close, real quick.

---

The next few days flew by. My folks were so excited to see that I was looking forward to seeing Dr. Fabrega, and I loved knowing what they didn't. I was excited to see if Dr. Fabrega was gonna be Santana. So when I finally got back in for my appointment, I didn't need to wait long at all. Only five minutes and the door swung open, the receptionist completely flustered. The anticipation was killing me. She sat down behind her computer with tunnel vision and I walked into the office.

At first, I thought it was empty. He wasn't sitting at his desk, on the couch... but as I heard huffing from the balcony, I knew where to find him. I walked up to the sliding glass door, and turned outside to see one hell of a sight.

It was Santana. Nothing on but his whitie-tighties and his damp socks doing pushups on the bench. Fuck, those muscles were glistening in the light, his underwear with damp patches on his ass and bulge. His clothes sat in a pile near his head: jeans, a Miami Heat jersey, some sick dunks I wanted to steal... far from the stuffy suit he had on just the week before. He finally noticed me, and smiled.

"Santi! Hey! Just finishing up my lunch workout. Thought I'd get a session in today on the balcony. Damn, the fresh air is good for exercise!" I smirked. It was night and day. So far, gone was the bible thumping hypocrite, and here was what was underneath. If anything I was doing him a service.

"Shit, Santana! You're looking prime today. You gonna funk out our session today, or?" I punched him in the shoulder, and he giggled like a kid.

"It's eau naturale, my friend. Natural water. That's what it smells like." He slipped on his jeans and his big fuckin' sneakers, tossing the jersey over his head while we walked in. He trailed some deliciously ripe musk, and I couldn't help but savor a bit of it. We plopped down on our seats, and just started shootin' shit. I bitched about the parents, he bitched about his receptionist, I told him about Sammy suckin' my dick clean, and he told me about the threesome with a gym bro and his girlfriend. He was coming along beautifully. Though, I thought to myself, how's about a round two?

"Dude, by the way, those kicks are fuckin' tight." I pointed to the dunks, which he smugly kicked up onto the coffee table, showing them off.

"Thanks, man. They're the lifting shoes. My work boots, heh." I reached out, grabbing ahold of his foot, and yanked it off. He chuckled like a fuckin' idiot while I looked at 'em. Size 13, nice and big- and the smell wafting out of there... Fuck, man.

"Damn, dude you never wash your socks? These stink!" I playfully tossed the shoe at him, and just as he started to brush off the comment, I said my magic word. "Sniff it." Like a flipped lightswitch, his expression turned numb, slowly bringing the shoe to his nose and inhaling his own musk. I clapped my hands, rubbing them together: let's do a little more programming.

"Santana, You're a pretty chill guy, you know that?" He nodded. "You smoke, don't you? You know, the good shit?" Deep in his mind, he had to know it was me talking at this point, so I was talking to him like a bro. Establishes trust, ya know? He shook his head no. "Ahh, come on man. You love kickin' back and toking on that reefer after a long workout." Santana chuckled a bit, before nodding, still nose deep in his sneaker. "Yeah, you love smokin' out your bros, your babes... when you're not shootin' tequila!" He full out laughed on that one, nodding along. The sneaker slowly dropped from his hand, and he laid back in his chair.

"How old are you, Santana?"

"28." Shit, he was only a few years older than me. I mean, he looked young. But hell, you wouldn't have known it from the way he acted.

"Where are you from?" "Rio de Janeiro." Interesting. I clocked the accent. I was pretty proud of myself.

"Why do you try so hard to hide it? The way you talk, the way you dress, the way you act... You act like you're from Ohio." Another chuckle, I should have had a Netflix special. "You're gonna embrace that Brazilian pride, bro. Don't hide it for some mayo drinking buzzkills!" He furrowed his brow, nodding intently. This one was for his own fuckin' good. Be proud of that shit! "You should get some ink to really embrace it. Nothin' sexier than a tatted up stud, am I right?" He nodded again, his bulge once more springing to life. I smirked, simply wanting to know a little something somethin'.

"Do you think Santi is hot?" He sat there for a second, before slowly smiling and nodding. I didn't even need to program that one. Aww, big old himbo. "You're not afraid to let him know, are ya? I mean if you tell his crazy fuckin' parents that he's cured... He wouldn't be your patient anymore... Right?" His bulge twitched again, and he smirked devilishly as he nodded. "You like it when he's all up in your brain, don't you? You like it when he gets his dick deep in there and mind fucks you into a chill, laid back stud. Don't ya?" The dampness grew and his breath got heavy. He nodded, drooling down the sides of his cheeks. "Yeah, you wanna let him in completely, don't ya? Make you like him?" Moans grew, and his thrusting in the air quickened pace. "You wanna be best bros with him, don't ya? Bros with benefits... hangin' out, smokin' weed, hittin' the clubs, swappin' spit... swappin' cum... swappin' subs..." He started fuckin' howl. He was beggin' to splurge. "When I tell you, you will cum. And when you do, everything we talked about will be your truth. Now... Cum."

His eyes opened, still moaning loudly. He gripped onto his jeans, pulling down the waistband and underwear, that big old uncut donkey dick flopping out before shooting his load all over himself. Volley after volley. He wasn't kidding about the hyperspermia: maybe four double shots of his spunk sprayed like a geyser into the air. The 8th Natural Wonder of the World. He laid back and chuckled, throwing his arms behind his head.

"Fuck, brother!" The thickest accent flowed of those lips, deliciously thick. "After today, that'll be down your throat, cara." He pointed at me, hopping to his feet and shoving his python back into his pants. "So, I'll write your discharge papers, it'll get the pais off your back. Act the part until you're out, and just go live." Fuck yeah, we high fived, and I ruffled that sweaty mullet of his. "Hey, come over tonight. I got some friends comin' over... if you and Sammy wanna join." He winked and slapped my back. Damn, I did good.

"I'll be there, man! You save me a round so I can show you how to clean this dick." I groped my bulge, smirking as his bit his lip and winked. I've created a monster.

---

"Ei, sexy! Come get a toke before it's gone!" Such a demanding little bitch, I love him. I slipped his filled condom off my cock, the kinky fucker insisted, and I happily complied. If I'm being real, this psycho has taught me things! I flushed it down the toilet, and swung the bathroom door open to see him lounging on his bed, toking away at the blunt I packed.

"Hey you fuckin' hog, don't you smoke it all!" He chuckled dumbly, reaching over to hand me the blunt, taking the opportunity to snatch my wrist and pull me forward into a kiss. Fuck those lips were so good, pressed against mine or around my cock. "Isn't Carrie coming over soon? You gonna be able to get off so quick?" I pushed away, taking my puff.

"Ahh, plenty to go around, eh?" He groped that musky bulge that I had a feeling Sammy would be huffing later. "Ey, bring me my pants. We can go get a shot before she gets here." Heh, the last month or so crashing with him has been fuckin' sick. The folks think I'm rooming with some guy from the church, when really I'm gooning with my therapist every night in his bed. Savannah is letting me take online courses, I'll have my B.A. in a couple of years, and I'm already getting some gallery hits. Santana is gonna be my armcandy for the opening, and I told him to forget his deodorant. Fuck he’s perfect. But a thought had crept in my head the other day. One last program, one final idea planted in his head... Though, at this point, there was no need to put him under. I'd just ask him.

"Hey, so I gotta go to Georgia to finish up some paperwork at the school. It got me thinking... I'm followin' my dream. What about you?" I tossed him his pants and passed the blunt, taking a deep whiff of those ripe dunks before throwing them his way too.

"I could go back to the practice, though I think the bible thumpers would lose their minds, heh."

"Well... What we did for eachother... What if you did it for others?" I slowly got down to my knees, a smirk crawling across my face. "What if you could help those poor... misguided young men change their lives?" I crawled toward him, spreading his legs wide as I tossed his legs over my shoulders. "Wouldn't that be so... so... fun?" I slowly pulled down his musky briefs, releasing his monstrous cock again, the musky hooded beast slapping me on my cheek. "Then, we could have so... many... new.. friends..." I pulled down his slimy hood and wrapped my lips around his tip. I should have known better. His hand grabbed the back of my head, slamming it down onto his spear, my nose buried in his bush as he thrust back and forth into my mouth.

"Unff... Yeah, brother... Oh yeah... That sounds like a good... unhhhhh... good idea." Grunting, slapping, moaning, slurping... it all rang out in his room, until he gushed another thick load down my throat. "You wanna join me?" And in that moment, I smiled. It was the best idea he'd had yet.

[xxaraaq]

𝙊𝙪𝙧 𝙡𝙞𝙩𝙩𝙡𝙚 𝙨𝙚𝙘𝙧𝙚𝙩

masterlist

Sypnosis | Kyojuro is what they call a 'team player'. What would they do if they found out he was fucking his boss?

wc | 5.1k

cw | unprotected sex, office sex, power dynamic ig, cursing

Rengoku x black reader

A\N | I hope y'all enjoy, this is unedited btw.

If you asked anybody what kind employee Rengoku was, they would say nothing but the best about him. How he was the most understanding, reliable guy there was out there. And it’s true! He’s always there when someone needs him to be, helping them before they could even get a chance to ask. He was just the guy you came to with your problems. And he was proud to have that role. 

You, on the other hand, are not that person. As the building manager, you don’t hesitate to shoo anyone away if you think their question is even remotely a waste of your time. You wouldn’t call yourself cruel though, more like firm. You didn’t take bullshit, and that was one of the main reasons why your building was one the best in the chain. Everyone knew it, that’s why they kept their mouths shut when you ran things the way you did. You ruled with an iron first and high standards – which is why you still don’t understand why you would let him crack your facade the way he did.

He was only supposed to walk you to your car, a simple common courtesy. But then it escalated, and he ended up fucking you in the parking lot, making you scream his name so loud he had to cover your mouth as he gave you the best backshots of your life in the back of your Subaru Outback.

You didn’t fail to tell him that it was only a one-time thing – which was obviously a lie – but he just shook his head yes, knowing that you would be back for more soon enough as he waved you bye as you sped away.

Less than a week passed by before you demanded him to come to your office after his shift to clear up some mistakes he made on his paperwork. He walked with a bit more of a hop in his step than he usually did as he opened the door to your spacious office. He’s never gotten a good look at it, being able to count his fingers the amount of times he’s been you. “Close the door and lock it.” You say, not taking your eyes off your computer as you type away at whatever has your attention. “You called me here, boss?” He asks, coy tone lacing his voice. “Don’t talk like you’re a saint, it’s not very flattering on you.” You say, pushing away from your desk to stand. 

He can already feel his erection tighten against his pants, and it turns him on even more. Truth is, he’s wanted to fuck you since he his work day in the department. From the way your breasts would try to fight their would out of your button up to the your very presence commands everyone's attention when you, everything about you turned him on.

You loosened his tie once you got to him, hands practically moving on their own as you held eye contact. His hands came up to your waist, pulling you flush to his chest. “You gonna kiss me, pretty boy? Or are you gonna stare at me like some lost puppy?” Not one second later, his lips smash into yours as he backs you up against the oak desk. You moan into his mouth as he delves under your pencil skirt to stroke your clothed clit. You unbutton his shirt as he swipes whatever papers happen to be in his way onto the ground before hastily setting you on top of it. 

He wastes no time in pulling your skirt and stockings down, throwing them halfway across the room. He presses light kisses up along your thighs before spreading them apart to reveal your already soaking cunt. “Barely even touched you yet and you're already so wet.” He uttered, licking a straight line up your folds, eliciting a borderline desperate groan as you rested your weight on your elbows. He sucks and licks at your clit and folds as you push him head further into your now sopping pussy. You could cum right now at the sight of Rengoku holding you legs in the legs as he tongue fucks you. It brung out some deep part of you who loved to see a man on his knees to pleasure you. You thrusted upwards into his face as your core starts to tighten. “Fuckkkk, m’gonna cumm.” You whine, legs shaking against his frame. He pushes your legs to open them wider, pushing as he pulls your hips in the air. Your cum with fervor, hand coming up to massage your puffy nipples. “O-hhhh shitttt.” You wailed, eyes rolling back into your skull. He sucked and kissed until you pushed his head away in overstimulation. “It’s too much.” You writhe away from his grasp as he sets you back down. You’d almost forgotten what effects he had on your body, the overwhelming pleasure he so easily gives you. “I’m not done with you yet.” He says, licking you slick off his fingers and slick. “I’d hope not, I don’t think I could find another guy on such short notice.” You sarcastically responded, still catching your breath.

“Y’know, you and that smart mouth of yours are really gonna get you in trouble one day.” He mutters, leaving a trail of hickeys as he kisses down your neck. You sigh in content, letting your finger waft through his fiery locs as he unzips his pants. You were caught by surprise when he suddenly lifted you into the air as if you weighed a feather. “You're gonna be good and quiet for me right?” He asks, lining himself up to your entrance. You nod, and he tasks in disapproval. “M’ gonna have to hear you say it ok?” He says, teasing your slit with his leaky tip. “I’ll be quiet.” You whimper, clasping your arms around his neck as he thrusts up into you. He lets out a guttural groan as he bottoms out. You yelp at the sheer size of him. He bounces you up and down on his girth as you babble out in fucked out bliss. “So fuckin tight.” He says, eyes darkening in lust as he rutted into your swollen cunt. All you could do was hold on as he used your body like a fleshlight. “You gonna cum on my dick?” He asks, and you can sense something primal hidden behind his words. “Yesss, I want it s’badd.” You sob, crying out as he speeds up. “Nobody’s stoppin you, go ahead baby.” You obey his words, shock waves rolling down your body as you cum with shaking legs. 

He grunts, carnal desire ripping as he follows suit. He sloppily thrust up more to ride out both of your orgasms, before gently setting you down on your desk. “You ok?” He asks, pushing a hair out of your face. “Are you ok? A second ago you were fucking me like a madman.” You say, eyeing him up and down. He just laughs, which confuses you even more. “You got some problems.” You whisper under your breath, leaning back to assess your office. Stray papers everywhere, room smelling like sex, and desk disorganized. 

It was a mess, a mess you would a million time over, but still a mess nonetheless.

-Nene

[little-reader]

“The Son of A Monster.” Ch.4

Masterlist

Warnings; Death, blood, Slow-burn Sexual tension, Gay awakening (For both), Cursing, Negan is Readers dad, Enemies to lovers story. Fighting. Zombie apocalypse

You didn’t see Carl, Rick, Michonne, or Rosita for the rest of the day. Not that you minded, you needed to rest anyway. 

“Do you need anything?” You called from the shower. “Like from my dad or hilltop?”

Iris looked up from her book as you came in with just a towel. “Uh… Not that I know of. I’m sure I can just ask around, I don’t exactly know what I’m doing.” She huffed, looking back at the book. 

“Did you run out of anything? Food, meds… books?” You asked, She only shook her head...It was six p.m. and barely dark.

 You hugged her and rolled over. “I have to head to Hilltop tomorrow, Not to pick anything big up, but just talk to people, by myself of course,” you said. “Plus, I know Simon isn’t going to go easy on them, so I’ll just help them a bit, Simon can do the rest,”

You decided to stay there tonight. You cooked Iris breakfast in the morning while she stayed asleep. You left it on the nightstand and got dressed. 

You walked out into the sun and left to the gate, walking out, grabbed your bike, and left. You got there later than you would have liked, but by that point you didn’t care, all you need was to look around and get vitamins.

The doors to Gregory’s office opened. “Paul, Negan’s son is here to check out the place, he wants to talk to you.” 

“Fuck.” Paul said, looking at mostly Maggie, Sasha, and Daryl. “The three of you find a good place to hide, preferably alone and separate.” He said, ushering them out.

“Why Is he here?” Rick asked.

“He comes for the saviors, A dude named Simon helps him,” Gregory answered. “Your gonna get me killed.” He paused. “And my people of course.”

You waited outside, looking at the walls and the people around you. All of them working or walking around. The kids play small games with each other. The breeze was small, but it felt good. The doors opened to the museum… house? And Paul came out with a smile.

“Hey, come inside.” He said, holding the door open. You kept a stern look as you entered, thanking him. “So, I thought we had another week or two.” He said, turning to you. 

“Oh, that's not exactly why I’m here.” You said, with a small smile. You held out your hand. “Y/n Smith, I didn’t introduce myself last time.” You said. He shook your hand. 

“Paul.” He said that’s when Gregory came out. 

“Ah! The boss's kid,” He said, rapping his arm around you. “What can I help you with? Food? People? Or a drink?” He asked. You glared at the man. He was licking your shoes every chance he got. He was like a who wanted treats.

“No, You said, moving his arm off you and backing away. “I was here to talk to Paul, and look around.” You stated, tilting your head.

“Oh, you see, Paul isn’t the leader-” He laughed, staring at your glare. “And, you know I have more important things to do anyway, so Paul can show you everywhere… every room.” He said, looking over to Paul. He left, going into the room, that now doesn’t have that weird painting.

“Does he always bullshit?” You asked, Paul only nodded and walked you into the dining room, and to a small table. “I just need something small.” You said. Walking outside. 

“Anything.”

“I was just wondering if your doctor had vitamins?” You asked. He looked at you a little weirdly. “My wife’s pregnant, I just wanted to talk to him, or see if you knew.” Paul looked surprised. 

“Okay, yeah we have some.” He said, ushering you to follow him. “You look a little young to have a wife.” He said as you walked. 

You chuckled. “Yeah, that’s what I told my dad. He didn’t take it too well. But I and Iris aren’t,” You waved your hands around a bit, and Paul nodded with a small smile. “She's not exactly my type either.” You said as you entered the trailer. 

You were given the bottle of vitamins and told when she should take them, and how much she should eat a day. You listened closely, nodded, and left. The place was quiet, small, and overall a great place to run.

“I would stay longer, But I have to go. It was nice you meet you.” You said, Holding your hand out. Paul shook it then Gregory.

“Uh, you too,” Gregory said, a slight shudder.

You started to leave before stopping. “Oh, and I almost forgot..” You paused, walking over to him and tilting your head, before smiling. “I wanna meet the people who came here earlier.”

Paul looked up from the ground and Gregory's eyes went wide. “I’m afraid I don’t understand.” He exclaimed. You only laughed. 

“Yeah… I think you do.” You said, grabbing a cigarette and lighting it, “At first, I thought maybe your people regularly go out of the walls you have built. But, as I continued to look around, I realized you have almost an enclosed community. Paul is certainly the only one who goes out, and Gregory… well you're just a pussy. So! Who’s tracks were outside?” 

Paul walked down the hall with the group, Maggie, Sasha, and Daryl was still hidden. “Gregory-” Rick started as the door opened. He paused as he came more into the room and the door closed. 

You sat in Gregory’s chair, with a glass of liquor in your hand and not a single bit of happiness in your features. You sighed and waved to the chairs. Rick sat down and the others stood. 

“Before I start scolding you like a pregnant teen, I need you to understand something.” You said, passing him a drink and leaning forward. “1. I am absolutely scared of you and your girlfriend or whatever you guys are, your son too.” You said, keeping eye contact with him. He gave a confused look. “But I’m more afraid of my father. And If he finds out I’m here talking to you guys and not at Alexandria, he’ll break my shit up.” You stated. “So this, this never happened.”

“I-” Rick paused and nodded. ‘We were just making deals, okay?” He said.

“Deals are fine, but I’m supposed to be watching you all.” You said, tilting your head. “Mostly your son.” You said. “Next time you go out, and Carls with you, I’m going.” You started and stood. You had a lot of time to think when you realized they were hiding here, and you weren’t stupid. 

You decided not to say anything and left, waving them off.

When you returned, Iris was outside and sitting in a chair on the porch. You shook the bottle as you reached her spot. “Got you these.” You said. She smiled and grabbed them. “Also, everything you need to know. I asked Everything.” You said, handing her the sheet of paper. 

She smiled at you and thanked you. ‘It’s late, let's get to bed.”

–Carls POV–

The group went to the kingdom after the whole ordeal with you and Gregory. Although Carl didn’t do any talking, he sat and watched. He knew that the “King” Was contemplating whether or not he should have his people conspire with them and Hilltop.

Carl looked out the window and into the town. It was almost night and the sun was starting to set. Ezekiel had invited them to say the night so they wouldn’t be engulfed in the night by the time they got back. Y/n was gonna be pissed, he was supposed to watch him but had to wait another day.

Carl sighed as he heard the group talking through the wall.  He took off his hat and boots, along with his flannel, and hung them up. There was something Carl couldn’t scratch off of him. The look in your eye when you caught them.

And no, not the pissed-off look you gave. But something deeper. Your face showed clear signs that you were angry but your eyes gave… impressed? Or expected, like he knew you all were going to do something to fight for yourself. 

Carl sighed and rolled into bed, staring at the wall as he drifted into thought. 

Carls's eyes opened slowly. He was in a field, one so bright he had to cover his eyes, and with birds flying above him. He sat up, feeling the top of his head, there was no hat, just his hair, which was short than how he had it now. He blinked, then turned. “Papa!” A small voice called. Carl looked over to see... You holding a child and spinning him around. You both were laughing and screaming. You looked slightly older, taller, and broader.  

Carl was pushed slightly as small arms wrapped around him in a hug. “Daddy! Home.” The smaller child whined. The kid climbed into his lap as he watched the wind blow the overgrown leaves. 

“Hey.” A deep voice appeared beside him as you walked over, the other child in your arms. You bent down and grabbed his chin, kissing him.

Carl opened his eyes. The window let the light pour onto his face. He breathed in and out before sitting up and touching his lips before wiping them and standing up.

 A knock came on the door. “Get ready, Carl. We're about to leave.” Michonne called through the door. Carl sighed and grabbed his things, putting his shoes and flannel on and grabbing his hat from the table. He left out into the hall and greeted the others. 

“We got to get home soon,” Rick said as they headed out to the gate.

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

You looked at the time. It was now noon and they still weren’t back. You sighed and left to the kitchen, going through the pantry, looking for food to eat. You settled on ravioli. When you would make it, You could smell it from a mile away. Your mother taught you how to make it homemade. 

You took out the supplies, but that's when they showed up, you looked out the window to see the gates open and then trucks roll in. You sighed and started to put everything up, hoping your dad didn’t show up. 

You walked to the house your wife stayed in and where they kept the food. You knocked on the  garage door as you walked closer to Simon. You already told the people not to go into Iris’s room. 

“Hey, Y/n!” Simion said, looking over at you with a smile. “Just visiting.” He said with a wink.

“Hey, Simon.” You said back, looking at the others. “It’s not stock-up day, why are you doing here?” You asked. 

“Oh, you haven’t heard?” Simon asked, you looked around, noticing how empty the shelves were.“Daryl got out, the same day Carl busted your ass.” Ignoring the last comment, you sharply looked at Rick, making eye contact. Rosita looked at you and Rick. 

“Hm, that's funny.” You said, looking back at Simon and smiling. “Well, I’ve got a little cooking to do.” You said. “I’ll be going, tell dad I said Hi,”  You turned around and 

“Ah ah, not so fast,” he said, holding out a radio. “Your daddy wants to know how his little girl is doing,” He said in a mocking tone. You rolled your eyes, giving a quick “Shut the fuck up” Before leaving upstairs.

You sighed and rubbed your eyes before pressing the button to voice. “Dad, you there?” You asked, sitting on the counter in the kitchen. There was a slight pause before someone started speaking. 

“This is D, who is this?” The other line cut off. 

“Y/n, dumbass. Why the fuck would I say, Dad?” You replied. It took about thirty seconds before you got a reply back.

“Y/n. Finally, what took so long?” Your dad asked. “I told you, I need you to check in with me every few days.”

“It hasn’t been a few days.” You said. “That's not the point. Everything running smoothly. Is this about Daryl?” You questioned, your eyes looking around the room.

You kept conversating back and forth. Giving him a few details about everything and how you were doing before Simon came to get his radio back. “Bye kid… and Do not disappoint me,” Negan said before you handed the radio back. 

“You heard the man,” Simon Said as you lead him out. As the trucks pulled out, and the gates shut, you turned to Rick. 

“I don’t give a fuck what you do, but you better fucking find out who did that shit.” You said, turning to leave. You stopped and walked over to Carl, grabbing his arm, and dragging him with you. “And I have TO WATCH HIM YOU KNOW!” You yelled at them. “It’s MY JOB!”

Carl pulled back by the time you reached Aaron's house. “What the hell,” Carl muttered and you turned to him.

“Yeah, keep what the hell-ing me.” You started to walk again, ushering him to follow. “I told you guys, I have to watch you. If my dad, shit, even if Simon finds out, I’m fucked.” You said, walking up the stairs of the grimes house.

“What’s he gonna do, take your baseball bat and throw it off a cliff.” He said, sarcastically. 

“You should be a comedian.” You blankly stated as you entered the kitchen. You both were quiet while you got the things out of the pantry and laid everything out. 

“What are you making?” Carl asked, looking over from the counter. You looked over with a hum. “Ravioli.” You said simply. “With cheese inside.”

“Why is your family so obsessed with a noodle of some kind?” He asked, sitting back in his chair. You sighed and continued to ignore him as you started to make the dough. You're glad that your dad gave you eggs and oil before leaving, plus a jar of pesto sauce. “If you're just gonna cook for the next hour, I’m gonna go.”

You turned and pushed him back in his seat, softly, before turning back. “Two hours actually, depending on how annoying your gonna be.” You said as you started whisking the dough. Carl only huffed and shuffled. “And you're not leaving, that's what you get for leaving for almost two days. My job to know where you are.” You mumbled the last part. You paused in thought, before turning around and wiping your hands. “You can help me. Wash your hands.”

“What-” You cut him off, “Wash your hands, your helping.” You said, taking his hat off as you walked by and threw it in the hallway. Carl rolled his eyes and grabbed the soap. 

You grabbed a bowl and pan, and oil before turning on the stove. “Okay, what now?” Carl asked, coming beside you. You grabbed an apron and threw it on him. 

“You're gonna finish assembling the dough, I’m doing the sauce.” You said,  pouring the olive oil into the pan. “Start by whisking it in the middle as I did before.” 

Carl started to do circles as you added crushed garlic and pesto sauce into the pan. Then you grabbed the bowl and placed it next to Carl. “That's for the cheese, but we’ll have to do that later.” You said, mixing the pesto and garlic. 

Carl looked at you. “How do you know how to make all of this? You don’t even have a cookbook.” He asked, looking at you sideways as he started again.

You tapped your head. “I remember how to make it. I used to make it all the time, even after this shit happened I… I made it for my mom when she was sick.” You said. You stared at the pan and sat the wooden spoon down. You then started to pour the heavy cream in. 

“Did she get bit?” He asked after a few quiet seconds. You shook your head and just continued to stir until you let it sit and pushed back. You looked over at Carl and then at the dough, it was barely done. 

“Jesus.“ You mumbled and came behind him, reaching over him and moving his hands for him. “Like that, not the petty ass way you were just doing it.” He scoffed and you could feel the eye roll. You kept behind him, with your hands right beside his and you pointing out a few mistakes. You reached over to the pan on the stove and turned it off, moving the pan to another burner.

“And then curve it to the middle?” Carl asked, turning to look at you. His head almost collided when turning to look up at you. You looked into his eyes with a slight smirk. You nodded, taking your hands off of him and moving to the sauce, moving it back to the hot burner and adding cheese to it. 

“After you finish with the dough, wrap it up and put it in the fridge. Then, we can make the cheese that goes inside it.” You said, stirring the sauce around. He nodded and started rolling the dough, making it into a sphere and looking through the cabinets for plastic wrap. He wrapped the dough in the plastic and put it in the fridge as you set a timer for an hour and left the sauce in a container to sit.

“I should have made that sauce later.” You started to clean up. Carl swept the small mess of flour on the floor while you re-sanitized the counters. It was silent the whole time, which made you anxious. You threw away the trash and placed the cloth down, sighing and turning around, watching him sweep slowly.

Carl dumped the flour out of the dustpan and into the trash before laying the broom in the closet. Carl turned around with a raised eyebrow, “What?”

“What ya’ wanna do for the next forty minutes.”

You had a timer in your pocket as you climbed the walls and started walking into the forest. Carl was walking a fair distance behind you as you took the lead. “Where are we going?” He called from his spot as he looked around. 

You turned, walking backward. “I’m not telling you, come on.” You said, turning back and walking on. You stopped and waited for Carl to hurry up. When he finally reached you, you pulled your hands up above your head. “Welcome! To my hangout zone, we're gonna drop a few things off and come back after the food is done. It takes a while to get down here.” You said, going inside. It was logged cabin, it was still unfinished but it worked. It is two stories, has three bedrooms and two bath, and is completely solar-powered but has no water. “I found this place before we met your people, and I like to come here and hang out or get away from everyone.” You said, turning the lights on. “There's room for anything you could want in the world we have now. A garden, a life.” You sighed. “Except water, But I’m sure I can find out how to do that.” 

“Damn,” Carl said, looking around and sitting on the couch. “This is nice and quiet.” He said, watching as you dig through your bag and set a few things down. 

“Yeah, I’ve also slept here before. I covered all the windows so no one can see the light.” You stated, pointing to the windows. You looked at your timer, you had just enough time to get back. “Okay, let’s get our asses back home.” You said. “We can come back soon.”

You both walked outside as you turned off the light and closed the door. You walked behind him, again, at a distance. You also knew he probably didn’t like you much. “You don’t have to walk so far Carl, you or I could get jumped any minute.” You said as he looked back at you with that stupid stare. “Hey, I’m just saying.” You said, putting your hands up in the air and looking off to the side. 

You stayed like that for a while, well not that long but it felt like an eternity. You huffed and jogged beside him. You bumped his shoulder. “Don’t be an ass.” You said, looking at your feet as you walked. “I get your father hates mine, and my dad killed your friends, but you get that doesn’t mean we can’t be friends, right?” You asked. “Plus, I’m only like a year older than you, and we’ve got similar heights, I’m just taller.” You said. 

Carl hummed and bumped your shoulder harder. “Sure.” He said, looking you in the eye as your smile widened. 

“Well that's final, we are now officially friends!” You said, doing jazz hands.

“I didn’t say that,” Carl said with an eyebrow raised.

“Too bad.” You replied with a smirk. “You signed a contract with the devil ever since you pointed that gun at my men, which was a badass move.”

Chapter 5

[erythromanc3r]

Crash!

Oh, hi! @pearlypairings came up with an awesome little prompt (party crashing) and naturally I took that and ran with it — right for The Grammys! This ficlet takes place in the It Ain’t Fiction-verse, circa ‘93!

💥 🪩 👠

He’d heard it a million times before – ‘they don’t feed you at those things!’ – and figured it was one of those bad anti-jokes decrying the absolute excess of the industry, the kind of bourgeois bullshit all the friends he’d made playing the smaller clubs used to scoff at when a bigger act would come around, shrieking over unmet demands in their riders.

Like, of course they wine and dine you. It’s The Grammys.

It turns out, they really don’t. Combine an empty stomach with being seated for no less than five hours for what amounted to a broadcast taping of a self-aggrandizing, industry-wide circlejerk sprinkled with the occasional live performance, surrounded by the kinds of people that made him rue the day he ever thought of picking up a guitar…and you’d begin to understand why he was determined to salvage the experience for his beautiful Plus One, who sat so politely and clapped when the signs said ‘applause’ and smiled with far too much kindness while she listened to agents and producers and hangers-on try to one-up each other through name-drops and net worths.

His label reps had mentioned an afterparty at the Beverly Hilton, and it seemed like a natural enough way for the night to progress – you go to the stuffy ceremony, then you hit the afterparty as a reward for your good behavior, right? Like some kind of marshmallow test performed en masse?

Wrong!

Eddie wouldn’t exactly call his behavior a tantrum, but he’s not particularly proud of how he handled the doorman’s inability to locate ‘Munson, party of two’ on the guest list. It was tantrum-adjacent, at worst, nothing an apology and a generous tip couldn’t fix, and he did genuinely believe this snub was initially a mere misunderstanding, that his name was missing on this particular document (the true and complete form tucked away in some back office, naturally) but Eddie’s persistence eventually resulted in a FIRM and DIRECT request for him to step aside…because he was, according to security, ‘holding up the line for the individuals on the guest list’.

Fucking ouch!

Chrissy, meandering behind him in a seashell dress and her shiniest, clackiest pair of heels, folded her arms and made her way to the valet with her head down. That’s when the plan first came into his mind – she looked way too good, was far too patient with her time for him to let her not enjoy the fruits of their labor tonight.

This particular ballroom couldn’t be any harder to get into than the Shrine Auditorium, could it?

“Not so fast, baby,” he murmured beside her as she dug through her clutch for the valet ticket. “I have an idea.”

There was worry in her eyes, sure! But there was also that glint of mischief that made his heart sing. “You don’t want to go home?”

“Fuck no, not yet at least. I want you to have the night I promised you.”

“But what if we get caught?!” She whispered.

“We leave the way we came. C’mon, you think you’re the only one who wants to rub elbows with Ms. Jackson? Besides, I could use the kinda cred that comes with crashing an industry party.” His small come-hither gestures lead them sauntering around the corner, where a gaggle of young men in black-tie adjacent catering uniforms leaned against the fence, already fatigued, already on their second or third smoke break of what would be an unbearably long evening.

And opposite them, the kitchen door was propped open with an overturned milk crate. Easy peasy lemon-fuckin’-squeezy.

“The doorman might not want to let me in, but you know who will? You know who's gonna be happy to see us? The guys who have to wash these rich asshole’s dishes. That’s who.”

(Chrissy’s dress is from the Versace s/s ‘92 collection btw ✨)

[nightmaree-eyess]

Second in command

Arcane fanfic

Summary: jinx took over silcos crime ring when he died and you are her second in command

Word count: 1238

Tags: au, lesbian jinx, y/n, femme reader,hurt/comfort, imagine, action/adventure, angst, romance, everyone is alive, implied drugs, hallucinations, implied emotional abuse

My days are pretty boring and monotonous for being second in command for the biggest crime ring in Zaun. I wake up, make my tea, go to work, take inventory, and go home. Obviously my days aren't exactly the same but they are similar enough. Today was one of those days.

“Jinx wants to see you.”

Ugh sevika. She thinks she runs this place since she's been with the ring the longest. She thinks she deserves to run this place.

I rolled my eyes at her in response

“Look just because your girlfriend is uppity about me doesn't mean you have too.”

“Just because my head is between her legs, doesn't mean it's up her ass too.”

Sevika grimaces and I groan and walk away from taking inventory. I don't feel like dealing with her bullshit today. Or ever really.

I push the door open with my shoulder to jinx’s office. The doors are heavy and made of rusted iron. The handles are vials of shimmer. The doors creak as I enter.

“Hello y/n”

Jinx turns around to face you in her chair behind the desk.

“Hi baby, what's up?”

“Don't call me that you know I hate pet names. But can you grab my shimmer for me? My eye is fucking killing me.”

Sometimes I feel more like a monkey than her girlfriend. Just another one of her employees but with more sexual benefits.

I grab the shimmer from the table and straddle her to get a better angle. A part of me only uses that as an excuse to get closer to her.I take her chin and angle her head upwards, take the syringe, and inject her eye. Her left eye looks like a nuclear sunset with a void in the middle. She winces in pain for a moment.

“Ah fuck. That never gets easier” jinx groans

You take her face and plant a soft kiss on her forehead and she raises her hand to yours. You step backwards to put the syringe away.

“This wasn't the only reason i called you in here”

I think she wants a sexual favor from me. That's usually how this goes but she keeps talking.

“ I have a job I want you to come along and it's a pretty serious one. I wanted my assistant to come with me. Id send one of the other employees but i feel like theyd fuck this job up. And we have the power they don't.”

Finally I'm starting to feel important. Jinx usually did the negotiating while i kept things running on the inside. But I never really felt like I had the power people claimed I had as jinx’s girlfriend and assistant.

“Sounds good. But what's the job?” i questioned

“We have to go to piltover and talk to jayce talis about importing more shimmer through their harbors. Business is booming right now and we need to make bigger shipments. And I need you there just in case things go wrong.”

“Like a bodyguard? Am I getting a demotion?” i joke

“Ha. ha. Funny. You think I'm some joke? You don't think I can handle myself? You think im gonna fuck up the job like i fuck everything up right?!”

“No, I-Im sorry” i raise my hands in defeat

“Good. Because it sounded like my girlfriend and assistant were doubting my abilities. Remember who's above you y/n. I'll let you know the details later. Now get the fuck out of my office.”

—---------------------------

“Hello ladies, glad to be in your presence.” Jayce bows sarcastically

“Yeah whatever, let's just get to business.” jinx groans

I follow them into an empty alley. I thought maybe we’d be in an office or something but maybe the guy doesn't want us knowing where he resides. Jayce starts the convo

“Ok you called a meeting with me and i only have 15 minutes. So get to the point.”

“We want to import more shimmer through the harbors. Business is booming a-”

“No.”

“No? What do you mean no? This would benefit both of us in the long run and youre fucking delusional not to think so.”

“I already have the council up my ass. I can't import more shimmer without it being suspicious. The answer is no.”

Jinx pulls out her gun and points it at jayce

“We import more shimmer through your harbors or you get a bullet in the skull. Its honestly your choice”

Next thing I know there's a flash of blue illuminating the sky, the boom of a gun, and a warm feeling running down my chest. I slip into the void at peace.

—---------------------------------

I flutter my eyes open and see a distorted jinx next to me

“You're nothing to me. You're just a dog that I bet on and you're losing.” she laughs maniacally

I try to sit up but I'm paralysed. What the fuck is going on? Before I can process anything I drift away again.

—----------------------------------

I squint my eyes open. I'm in a sketchy room, on a twin sized mattress on the floor.

“Oh god, baby I'm so glad you're alive!”

You feel jinx’s warm lips against your clammy forehead

“Wha- ow fuck” you clutch your chest

“I'm so sorry baby, I'm so so sorry. I shouldn't have brought you along I jinxed it like i do everything this is all my fault im sorry”

“What are you talking about?”

“I-i accidentally shot you when jayce let off a bomb. I got startled and I shot you. Jayce died when the bomb went off but I got lucky. You… died when I shot you. I brought you to singed because i knew he could revive you…like he did me and it worked. Now you have to inject yourself with shimmer where you were injured to stay alive. I shouldn't have ever threatened jayce in the first place. This is all my fault.” she sobbed

“This… is a lot to process.” i wince in pain

“I'm so sorry. I've been cold and distant with you and you don't deserve that. Even though I keep you at arms distance, I love you. I didn't realise how much I loved you until I lost you. If I lost you…then I would have no one left. I need you in my life. You make my days brighter, you support me in ways no one else does, and I never want to take you for granted ever again. I want to love you the way you deserve, if you'll let me?”

I try my best to sit up to kiss her but I can't. Jinx fills in the space and kisses me passionately and deeply. Like if she stopped kissing me she'd lose me again. I break the kiss.

“I know. I love you too”

She climbs into bed with me. We are so close that we could almost merge into one. She pushes my sweaty strands of hair out of my face and kisses me softly on my nose and we drift off to a blissful sleep. And even though this is the most pain i've ever been in i'm the happiest i've ever been.

[k7l4d4]

K Reviews and Rants: Miraculous Ladybug Season 5! Episode 23

Hello all, time to see the episode where the writers give up on making their writing believable in favor of cheap, uninspired emotional appeals!

Now, with this episode, I could take my time ripping into the show fixating on this fantasy in its head that Chloe is a genuine threat... but I'm not going to because that topic has been talked to death a hundred and one times. Instead, I'm gonna focus on the moral of this episode... and how it utterly falls apart.

Namely, the episode seems to be pushing the narrative that you can't wait around and rely on people to solve your problems for you, you have to do it yourself... or at the very least just reach out and let others KNOW you need help. Why does this fall apart? Because in addition to the fact that Chloe being a problem at all is forced by the writers blatantly ignoring how she has no real power and the police could just drag her out of office whenever they like... Adrien does literally nothing this entire episode to solve HIS personal problem about his dad forcing him to move.

He never mentions it to any of his friends OR his girlfriend (who he can hold down a long-distance relationship with if it DOES come down to him moving, as his and her video-chatting in the prior episode demonstrates), and the one time he bothers to acknowledge that there's nothing that can be said to his dad to make him change his mind, it comes off more as a lazy excuse on his part not to share how he's feeling. Throughout this entire episode, and all the episodes in which this plot has been leading up to now, Adrien takes the worst decision every time towards opening up and sharing his problems while also doing nothing on a personal level to help himself. He just... stands around, feeling sorry for himself.

How can you push the idea that people need to stand up to injustice themselves when you can't even have one of the two main leads stand up for HIMSELF?

I could add more details... but I think this gets my point across nicely. Thank you, and now, onto the review! As always, warning for any profanity on my part.

Episode 23: Revolution

Okay, and we get the opening scene of "Mayor Chloe" talking to Nadja that she has "Outlawed Chat Noir, Ladybug, and Monarch." Because outlawing someone who is already a terrorist that nobody can find and the only people capable of stopping him is SUCH A GOOD IDEA FOLKS!!! God fucking dammit. I'm not too pissed off yet, but the fact that nobody in law enforcement is dragging her out of that office and calling her out on her BS of being Mayor because her dad was Mayor is utterly stupid. If this is meant to be some kind of jab about "the rich are the new nobility/royalty" or something like that, it fails. Miserably.

Nadja asks if "this will last long" without actually specifying what "this" is, with Chloe having to be fed lines by Lila over an earbud so as to not blow it already. She also fumbles "democratic" TWICE. News flash Astruc, Dumb Blonde jokes have been in bad taste for a few decades by now!! Chloe then ends things while declaring that her new robots will be upholding "her law in Paris," never mind that not only is her position totally illegitimate, Mayors DO NOT HAVE THE POWER TO ARBITRARILY DECIDE WHAT IS OR ISN'T A LAW.

Now, we get to the heroes, with Chat pointing out that they have a moral obligation to stop Chloe, and Ladybug saying that they can't because she's not Akumatized... which is bullshit, as both the specials and incidents like the fight against the flying dinosaurs proved. Yes, they can't attack her... but why the hell would they NEED TO ATTACK HER? Literally just going in, marching her out to the ACTUAL police and having them detain her would accomplish literally the exact same thing. Saying "they'll look like the bad guys" is a completely bullshit non-answer.

Aaannnd... they passed the buck onto "adults, an authority figure" to handle the problem. Because clearly that's a good lesson to teach kids, don't stand up to what you see as a systemic problem in the world or an abuse of power, even if you have the means to oppose it, just leave it to someone else. THAT'S what you should be teaching kids, not that doing what is right, even if it's hard, is important.

Now they head back home, and Marinette is watching videos on the news reporting what's going on and citizen reactions. First up, a pair of ladies who I'm thinking that Astruc had designed to give off the same vibes of "smug, elitist, rich white person" vibes as Chloe is meant to give off, saying it's a good thing that Chloe is in power because she's a "young person, like us, representing us!" Next we get the racist cop who denounces superheroes as pointless due to not stopping Monarch yet, and then publicly airing a conspiracy theory that they are all in on it together. Then we get another adult, who points out how utterly stupid having a teenager declaring herself Mayor is.

Now it's on to Adrien, I wonder how he's doing? Staring at a picture of Marinette on his phone it looks like. And once again all that's going on is that he's angsting over telling his girlfriend that he's moving. After all, it's not as if he can HAVE A LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIP, or, I dunno, PRACTICE TELLING HER BY TELLING HIS OTHER FRIENDS!!! Seriously, do Nino, Alya, and the rest of his classmates mean NOTHING to him in terms of telling this info? Does he honestly believe they'd have no advice to share!? What is wrong with this guy!?

His answer on why he's not saying anything? He's hoping he'll be able to convince his dad not to send him... fuck that. Dude, FUCK. THAT!! For absolute FUCK'S SAKE THIS IS THE GUY WHO HAS DONE NOTHING BUT BE AN UTTER BASTARD TO YOU FOR YEARS, YOU AREN'T GONNA CONVINCE HIM!! HECK, HE MADE IT CLEAR HE'S DOING THIS TO SEPARATE YOU FROM MARINETTE!!! JUST RUN AWAY ALREADY!!!!

Okay, now we got Plagg, the guy the show has made repeatedly clear LOATHES and is annoyed by romance, shilling Marinette as "the most amazing girl in the whole universe." Please give me a moment while I hurl; it's not even over how utterly fucking CHEESY this is, it's how unironic they are at shilling the girl who has dropped the ball REPEATEDLY, and has routinely violated Adrien's boundaries without his knowledge. This is disturbing to me. At least he's stating the simple solution of asking someone for help... still fucking pissed that it's all centered around MARINETTE rather then exploring his OTHER FRIENDSHIPS that are a lot closer than whatever tangled mess he has going on with Marinette. You know, like his best friend that the narrative conveniently forgot about as soon as they could?

And upon a call from Marinette, NOW he decides that this is the right time. It's really fucking ironic that all of Adrien's scenes and relevance to the plot this season is all about Marinette, whereas Marinette's scenes actually DO SOMETHING towards expanding upon what's going on around them all. And it is immediately derailed by Marinette asking him to watch the news. So much for her call being "a sign." Now we get more reactions to Chloe's dictatorship, Hooray! First off is a guy saying she can't be worse than her father... yeah, she absolutely can, seeing as her dad was corrupt, but she's corrupt AND a literal teenager with no qualifications. And another guy brushing off any issues since they'll have an election soon. It's really, REALLY fucking stupid how these people are both taking her at her words, and ignoring how A TEENAGER DOES NOT HAVE THE ABILITY TO ASSUME POWER AT HER OWN SAY-SO!! SHE IS NOT EVEN AN ELECTED OFFICIAL!!!

"Someone's bound to do something." Nope, no one will, never mind the fact that CHLOE NEVER SHOULD'VE EVEN GOTTEN THIS FAR! Oh and Marinette interrupts Adrien's attempt to explain his situation by calling everyone to do something. Clearly this can't possibly go wrong and will have an actual meaningful impact! Surely it will. /s

Now we get a scene of Chloe playing with her toys testing the incredibly advanced "police robots" Gabe and Tomoe are bribing her with supplied to City Hall, once again having the narrative IGNORE HOW NONE OF THIS IS EVEN REMOTELY LEGAL!!! Oh, and Audrey is present too for some reason. She also fires that one butler that is more prominent than the rest of the staff because she's got robots now... whatever happened to her words at the Diamond Dance, what was it again, something about how the robots aren't as fun because she can't boss them around or something?

Gabe proceeding to layer the flattery on thick with Chloe... wonder how that'll go. Probably terribly. "All the superoffenders have disappeared." BITCH IT HASN'T EVEN BEEN A FUCKING WEEK YOU ASSHOLE!!! But that's also the perfect thing to say to Chloe in this scenario, she's too much of a self-centered idiot to spot the obvious fault in her decision. Oh, and it looks like Lila had Chloe recording the meeting.

So far, I'm mostly just banging my head against a wall over how stupid this entire plot is. THERE IS NO SITUATION IN WHICH A TEENAGER IS GOING TO HOLD THE POSITION OF MAYOR. EVER. Tomoe and Gabe proceed to plot about how they are going to use Chloe's incompetence as a Mayor (STILL IGNORING HOW SHE CAN'T LEGALLY HOLD THE POSITION!!!), and at least acknowledge that there isn't a chance in hell Chat and Ladybug are gonna ignore this for good, before Monarch personally visits Chloe... instead of, you know, sending the Butterfly and communicating with her directly, something he is FULLY CAPABLE OF DOING!!! Meaning the guy is deliberately waltzing into the lair of someone who has declared him an outlaw. Not as if she couldn't just have her robots capture him, take his Miraculous for herself, and establish herself as Queen of Paris in truth, but that would require the writers to think these things through and for Chloe to be allowed to have a brain.

Oh look, they actually had Chloe be smart enough to have her robots target Monarch! Now if only he wasn't LITERALLY STUPID ENOUGH TO SHOW UP IN PERSON. And we learn that as the creator of them, Tomoe has an override of the system... how in the world did she even see the screen targeting Monarch? She's supposed to be blind, right?? Can she hear them targeting through the screen or something!? And just as Chloe is about to do the smart thing and refuse Monarch's offer for an alliance (YOU DO NOT NEED TO BE THERE IN PERSON, IDIOT!!!), Lila tells her to accept... ugh...

This, this is just stupid. IT IS IDIOTIC!! IT IS BULLSHIT!!! NOTHING ABOUT THIS MAKES SENSE!! IS CHLOE MENTALLY DISABLED!? IS THAT WHAT THIS IS!? BECAUSE NO ONE CAN POSSIBLY BE THIS STUPID!! SHE IS NOT A THREAT, SHE IS JUST A DUMB KID DANCING TO SOMEONE ELSE'S STRINGS!! HOW THE FUCK ARE WE SUPPOSED TO TAKE HER SERIOUSLY AS THE "WORST OF THE WORST"!? WE CAN'T!!! FUCK THIS FUCKING BULLSHIT!!!!

And we learn the specifics of the deal is that Monarch will Akumatize her, yadda yadda yadda, make it look like she's not an Akuma, yadda yadda yadda... NONE OF THIS EXPLAINS WHY HE IS IN THE FUCKING ROOM WHEN HE CAN COMMUNICATE WITH PEOPLE!!! HECK, HE COULD HAVE GIVEN HIMSELF THE POWER TO COMMUNICATE AT A DISTANCE!!! The obvious answer is that they wanted an excuse to keep Monarch from learning about Lila feeding Chloe lines, but that if anything just shows how weak their efforts in making Lila a threat are. If she's only a threat when they actively keep the antagonist from knowing she's in the know, then she's not a real threat.

Oh, we also get the stupidity of Chloe's robots having multiple powers. Not even gonna get into that bullshit.

Now we are back to the school, and Adrien announcing his determination to tell Marinette everything... because obviously it's only Marinette that deserves to know that his father is forcing him to move to London, and not any of his other friends. (Rolls eyes)

Apparently Marinette, Alya, and Mylene came up with some kind of protest...? Watch and be amazed as it amounts to nothing when Chloe shows up in her "covert Akuma form," with once again NO ONE OBJECTING TO THE FACT THAT A TEENAGE GIRL IS NOT ALLOWED TO BE THE FUCKING MAYOR UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES!!! Oh, and Chloe also lying to the news about giving limitless freedom to the citizens of Paris... I'll be honest, I could actually see her doing something like that, not out of any kind of goodness of her heart but more due to just being too ignorant to understand the consequences of basically letting everyone do whatever they want, no questions asked, and doing so would make her own life easier as well.

And it turns out the protest is over Miss Bustier... because their fired teacher, who the Mayor NEVER HAD THE AUTHORITY TO AUTHORIZE THE FIRING OF, is the real issue over the fact that one of their classmates is illegally holding a position of power. Also, them calling her "Miss Bustier the Great" is pretty cringe. It's blatantly forced just to make the rhyme work.

And their big protest is... to refuse to go to class. Okay? That... is utterly fucking pointless. Seriously, "REFUSING TO GO BACK TO CLASS" IS THE BEST THESE IDIOTS COULD COME UP WITH!? WHO FUCKING CARES!!! IT'S NOT A COMPELLING THREAT BECAUSE IT'S NOT HURTING ANYONE BUT THEMSELVES AND ISN'T DISRUPTING ANY OTHER PROCESSES OR EVENTS GOING ON!! IT IS ENTIRELY PERFORMATIVE BS THAT AMOUNTS TO JACK AND SHIT!!!

WHY should Chloe CARE that none of you want to go to Class!? SHE DOESN'T!!! Oh, right, Lila is talking in her ear. Also, I don't know why Chloe singled out Zoe for "pretending to be her sister" since I'm pretty sure that isn't exactly public knowledge!? She didn't even CALL YOU her sister, so why are you bringing it up!? Also, them shoe-horning "libertarian" in there; that... amounts to nothing.

...She's seriously calling them willfully sabotaging their own education "holding the school hostage"? This is... this is moronic. That is the only thing I can call it, this is utterly MORONIC. Aside from her blatantly slandering Miss Bustier, her throwing shade at Damocles' obsession with acting like he's a Superhero is spot on as he's shown that he hasn't learned his lesson, and how it negatively impacts his work; her refusing to reinstate him (not that she even COULD) is one of her few smart decisions.

The protesters do point out how she's twisting the situation stupidly, but it falls apart since this ENTIRE FUCKING PLOT is held up by tissues and prayers by writers high off their own farts. Seriously, why is Lila even BOTHERING to try and manipulate Chloe? Chloe can't even keep up an act good enough to last TWO SECONDS when around anyone who doesn't enable her BS, this entire thing is stupid as fuck. What is the point? What is supposed to be going on!?

Okay, the one interesting thing going on is that Chloe tried to burst Marinette's bubble about what Adrien is being made to do... seriously, DO NONE OF THESE IDIOTS REMEMBER THAT A LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIP IS POSSIBLE!?

Mylene and Ivan disappear after having publicly stood up to Chloe, Hmm, I wonder if there's a connection!? We also see that Chloe SOMEHOW managed to get a gold statue of herself made. HOW!? WHEN!? WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT!? Oh, and Chloe literally having Ms. Mendeleiev prove to be a fucking disaster of a teacher by spoon-feeding her her own propaganda.

Chat and Ladybug doing nothing about the stupid as fuck statue because "Monarch had nothing to do with it," DID THESE IDIOTS LOSE THEIR FUCKING MINDS!? SERIOUSLY, CHLOE'S POSITION IS ILLEGAL!! IT HAS NO BASIS!! NO LEGITIMACY!! YOU COULD LITERALLY DRAG HER OUT "OFFICE" BY HER EAR AND IT WOULD BE JUSTIFIED SINCE THE POSITION OF MAYOR DOESN'T PASS TO THE MAYOR'S CHILD!!!! GOD FUCKING DAMMIT!!!

Yet another case of Adrien trying to tell Marinette only to clam up when she asks him to talk to his dad to get him to stop Chloe... it's funny how this episode is ignoring that Gabe is a fucking terrible person, ESPECIALLY MARINETTE!! Girl, HE THREATENED YOUR FUTURE IN DESIGNING AND IS A TOXIC CONTROL FREAK!! YOU KNOW THIS!!! WHY THE HELL WOULD HE EVEN CARE ABOUT STOPPING CHLOE EVEN IF HE WASN'T MONARCH!!!

"Talking to my father won't solve anything." That's the most reasonable thing anyone has ever said this episode. And just as he's about to elaborate, Chloe shows up in a helicopter and yells at the Ice Cream Idiot if he got his permit, which he said he doesn't need. THIS is one of the very few good things she did this episode; over dramatic or not, you shouldn't EVER have someone without a permit selling food, especially not out of a fucking pushcart!!!

"No one can ever prevent you from bringing so much happiness!" What happiness? He's an annoying idiot who is hyper-fixated on relationships and throws a temper tantrum bad enough to get AKUMATIZED whenever he's "wrong."

And now Alya's missing!! What could ever be going on- oh for fuck's sake, it's obviously Chloe!! Seriously, how in the world is it that hard to wrap their heads around the idea that Chloe is snatching up and arresting anyone and everyone who she dislikes!? Even without Akuma powers, she could probably get it done by just hiring some shady goons!!!

And apparently Chloe sent the Dupain-Chengs to Detention... whatever the fuck that's supposed to be, for the crime of expecting her to pay like everyone else. Why the fuck is that even a dealbreaker for her!? HER WHOLE DEAL NOW IS THAT SHE'S RICH SO SHE DOESN'T NEED TO WORK OR DO ANYTHING, SO FLAUNTING HER WEALTH SHOULDN'T BE A PROBLEM FOR HER!! Seriously, I'm pretty sure they only did this to ensure Marinette "got on the right track."

Honestly, I'm genuinely confused on what Chloe's end goal is even supposed to be. She's just getting rid of anyone that annoys her. What is she gonna do when there's no one left to make go away?

Now FINALLY Adrien catches on that something is weird, and it looks like everyone is missing by this point, and when he finally goes to confront Chloe... her big "threat" is just to tell Marinette that Adrien is leaving to go to London at his father's insistence, which, again, even ignoring how she has no way of knowing that Chloe couldn't possibly know that he's been trying to tell Marinette ever since this nonsense started, LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIPS ARE A THING!! I GUESS that the fact he's been lying to her would put a strain on things, but not THAT big of a fucking strain!!

Also, while it's meant to be mean-spirited mockery, Chloe is basically spot-on that Adrien's been acting like a spineless puppet for who knows how long by this point. Even ignoring the whole "He's a sentimonster" thing, he has been completely spineless and a wet blanket regarding Gabe and refuses to actually stand up to himself for real.

We get a look at what "Detention" looks like, and apparently she even sent Andre there. I can't tell if Chloe deliberately designed the place without an exit, or if she just forgot. She's been made so stupid I wouldn't put either one past her.

"How can Chloe pull this off?" SHE IS AN AKUMA!! SHE LITERALLY TELEPORTED YOU INTO A COMPLETELY DIFFERENT AREA!! HOW FUCKING THICK CAN YOU POSSIBLY BE!? IT SHOULD BE ABUNDANTLY OBVIOUS TO ANYONE WHO SHE HAS BROUGHT TO "DETENTION" THAT SHE IS AN AKUMA BY THIS FUCKING POINT!!!!

Honestly, it's a bit weird that Chloe would have her screens say "I'll protect you, you can always count on me." Like, it honestly sounds GENUINE when the screens say it. If I didn't know that it's meant to just be a sign of how EEEEVVVIIILLL she is, I'd say that it's a reflection of her own deluded belief that she's the good guy and is in the right for her actions.

Okay, ignoring how Chloe somehow has this weird facility just... IN PARIS for some reason. Not even gonna acknowledge how much of a blatantly stupid cop-out it is. I'm just baffled how no one collapsed from hunger if she's had them literally doing nothing but walking in a huge-ass loop for hours?

I'm sincerely baffled how anyone would buy that Chloe has made "Paris utterly better then how it was before." She's basically done NOTHING, and why the FUCK would Chloe think anyone besides her mom and her mom's cronies would actually BUY THIS!? FOR GOD FUCKS SAKE!!! THIS ENTIRE BULLSHIT IS RUNNING OFF OF EVERYONE IGNORING THAT HER ENTIRE POSITION IS BULLSHIT!! WHY THE FUCK HAS THIS EVEN LASTED THIS LONG!? GET THIS THE FUCK OVER WITH!!!

At this point, I think there won't be anything more of depth to be said, so to spare my blood pressure, I'm just gonna wait for when she's defeated and I can unleash my rage on the ending.

Never mind, already reached my breaking point, WHAT THE HELL IS THIS BULLSHIT!? CHLOE LITERALLY JUST ADMITTED TO BEING AKUMATIZED IN PUBLIC!! HOW THE FUCK HAS NO ONE COMPLAINED ABOUT THIS!? WHY THE FUCK DID IT TAKE SEEING THE INVULNERABILITY-ENHANCED SHELTERS BE WHAT TIPPED THEM OFF THAT MONARCH IS INVOLVED, SHE LITERALLY PARALYZED AND TELEPORTED THEM WITH ROBOTS!!! THIS IS UTTER FUCKING BULLSHIT!!!!! FUCK THIS ROTTEN NOISE!!! BURN IT ALL DOWN TO THE GROUND AND DANCE ON THE ASHES!!!!

Oh, and the entire plot of "we can't wait for someone else to solve this problem, WE should've been solving it from the start" doesn't work even remotely because CHLOE NEVER EVEN SHOULD'VE BEEN A FUCKING PROBLEM THIS EPISODE!!!!

OH AND NOW IT APPEARS THEY CAN JUST TELL THEIR DETRANSFORMATION NOT TO HAPPEN BECAUSE FUCK WHATEVER INTERNAL CONSISTENCY EXISTS IN THIS BULLSHIT I GUESS!!!

WHY THE FUCK ARE THEY EVEN DOING THIS STUPID SPEECH ABOUT "KEEP FIGHTING WITHOUT US" SUPPOSED TO BE!? WHAT FIGHTING!? THIS ENTIRE PLOT IS UTTER STUPIDITY BASED ON THEM ALWAYS DOING THE STUPIDEST POSSIBLE OPTION!!! FUCK ALL OF THIS!!! FUCK THIS PLOT!! FUCK THIS AKUMATIZATION!!! FUCK ALL THIS STUPID FUCKING NOISE!!!! THIS IS NOT SOME INSPIRATIONAL SCENE!!! IT IS STUPID!!! IT IS NOTHING BUT A WASTE OF FUCKING AIR!!!!

AND NOW GET THE POINT WHERE THEY LITERALLY FORCE THE DETRANSFORMATION TO REVERSE BECAUSE WHY THE FUCK NOT!? WHY THE ABSOLUTE FUCK NOT!? WHAT BETTER WAY TO TOP OFF THIS BULLSHIT SUNDAY OF A FIASCO BY GIVING THEM THE ULTIMATE WRITERS COPOUT TO HAVING BEEN SET UP TO FUCKING FAIL IN THE MOST RIDICULOUS WAY IMAGINABLE!!!! GET THE FUCK OVER IT ALREADY!!!

"I guess they must've grown up, Master." GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE WITH THAT STUPIDITY!! THAT IS NOT WHAT BEING A GROWN UP MEANS!!! THIS IS JUST STUPIDITY!!!!

AND IT LOOKS LIKE THAT WHAT LILA WAS AFTER WAS THE STUPID FUCKING LAPTOP TOMOE HAD, NOT LIKE SHE COULDN'T HAVE JUST HAD CHLOE ARREST THEM WHEN THEY WENT TO MEET HER!!!

"I'm sure the people of Paris would love to have a Mayor like you!" SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT THE ABSOLUTE FUCK UP!!!!

AND NOW WE GET TO THE UTTER STUPIDITY OF CHLOE GETTING VERBALLY ABUSED BY AUDREY WHILE ON THE WAY TO NEW YORK!!! THAT IS CLEARLY A FITTING PUNISHMENT FOR AN ABUSED CHILD!!!

"I'm going to take control of your life again, starting with your education." WORD TO THE FUCKING WISE, ASSTRUC, IF YOU WANT TO CLAIM CHLOE ISN'T ABUSED, DO NOT HAVE THE WOMAN YOU REPEATEDLY MAKE VERBALLY ABUSE HER IMPLY THAT SHE HAS ABUSED CHLOE IN THE PAST!!!!

Huh, they actually had Chloe show an extremely brief moment of regret and vulnerability when looking at Sabrina's photo in her phone, too bad that won't amount to anything, especially when she immediately starts flicking over to Marinette's contact! Speaking of which, why the hell does she even HAVE Marinette in her contacts?

And Adrien never actually manages to tell Marinette he's leaving, what a WONDERFUL resolution to this stupidity thus far! And once again Nathalie proves to be a spineless worm in her refusal to actually stand up to Gabe's abusive control of Adrien and enabling his crimes.

And we get to see Adrien having an argument with Gabe about him living his own life. Wow, it's almost as if he's both forgotten that he can have a long-distance relationship AND can just, you know, run away?

If this scene of him calling Marinette with tears in his eyes is meant to be sad, it's ruined by the fact this show has utterly squandered Adrien's character by reducing EVERY FUCKING THING IN HIS LIFE UP UNTIL NOW TO BE ABOUT MARINETTE!!! WHAT HAPPENED TO THE GUY WHO BROKE OUT OF HIS OWN HOUSE TO GO TO SCHOOL!? WHY IS HE STRUGGLING NOW OF ALL TIMES TO STICK UP FOR HIMSELF!? WHAT IS EVEN THE POINT OF IT ALL!?

I'm seriously baffled why Gabe's current plan requires Adrien to be away in a different country "to be safe," because it's not as if Adrien being safe has ever fucking factored into any of his plans prior to now!!!

And.... they kiss. Now. On the entryway to a plane, after WHO KNOWS HOW FUCKING LONG of teasing this bullshit. Also, HOW THE FUCK IS THE GORILLA AND A GROWN MAN STRUGGLING TO SEPARATE TWO FUCKING TEENAGERS!?!?

Now we are at the moment Chloe tries to tell Marinette the truth to hurt her, and it ends in Chloe crying alone on the plane when Marinette shuts her down by revealing she already knows (too late) and that she's fed up with Chloe's bullshit, despite having already said that in Season 1, and the entire thing ends on Lila trying to pry open the laptop she stole from Tomoe.

[serendertothesquad]

Seren's Studies: Odd Squad UK -- "The Odd Ness Monster" Episode Followup, Part 2

The process of elimination of the weird-ass calendar seasons continues, below the break!

"And autumn."

"Or fall, as Orli would call it."

Behold: the first moment in the episode to make me frown wider than a mile. Stolen joke from "Trials and Tubulations" which did it much better, mixed in with a ham-fisted Orli mention that includes the entire damn pig.

Onom, I love you, but don't. Just...don't.

I mean...to be fair, Captain O could lock them in here if she wanted to be a sadistic lil' shit.

But she's not, so she won't.

FUCK YOU AND THE TIME CARDS YOU RODE IN ON, EDITOR.

That aside, this episode is gonna fuck with the timeline so much and I'm sure every OG crew member fucking knows it.

And shockingly, they went five entire months without Captain O noticing them. Which, considering how often she leaves her office, is some bullshit.

Oprah? Sure. I can believe they'd avoid Oprah for five months.

Captain O? Not on your never life.

"Onom, Orwell, it's June the 1st. Isn't there somewhere you need to be?"

"...At the...be-"

"I am armed and loaded with an anchor that has killed more men than in World War II. Don't make me have your heads as part of my own raffle. Get down there and check on the monster."

I do like how it cuts to them back down in the multi-sub basement mid-groan.

The Rockington Club Smasher? Either the Guardian of the Rocks has another relative, or it's the first caveman villain in Odd Squad's history.

...Okay, well, fuck. I wanted it to be a caveman villain. But my whims are too unrealistic doo-bee-doo.

"How dare you! It's the second best-selling Odd Ness Monster book!"

How much you wanna bet that information he left out prevented it from becoming the top best-selling Odd Ness Monster book?

Man's whining about being stuck down here until June 30th, but put it in perspective...is it better or worse than being stuck down there for an entire year?

I mean, personally I'd say it's better, but y'know...

I actually forgot I passed by a tweet that mentioned this wizard, which was posted by their actor. I also forgot I was howling at the name "Destructo McBaddington" because it's either the world's silliest name made up by a child or the name of a D&D player with whimsy.

It's so stupid but so charming! I love it!

Methinks Destructo could take a few tips from The Shadow when it comes to cool stuff done with capes.

Wrapping yourself up in it like you're cold ain't it.

elderly lady

has a biscuit that turns people into frogs

So this is a witch, and they just don't want to namedrop "witch", perhaps because it carries negative connotations or because it sounds like "bitch" too much.

Mm. Okay. Got it. Fuck you because I'm pretty sure witches have been mentioned before in PBS Kids Halloween episodes.

I hear it's truncated to just Exposition: The Book. Title character limit, y'know.

Okay, if there's one thing I don't like about this episode, it's how absolutely ham-fisted Orli is shoved in here. Clearly either Asha was getting paid per namedrop, or there was a gun to Paul's head in the form of "mention Orli at least once or you're fired."

Could mention Ozzie to mix things up, but no...no.

There are two kinds of Main Character Syndrome.

Self-inflicted, and forced into.

"...and everyone knows the Odd Ness Monster doesn't work weekends."

I will choose to ignore this bullshit contrivance because it's one bad seed in a flourishing garden.

Doesn't mean I can't hate it and wish for its death, though.

Orwell's got about as stellar of a time management skill as Owen, without the frequent breaks.

*deep inhale*

No. Based on how this season has gone thus far? No. I can't say anything about the Lorem ipsum text. I can't. It speaks for itself.

I'm not keen on calling this a meme that has made its way into Odd Squad...but hearing Captain O saying this is fucking sending me.

That's why you put Creature Care agents on the job, ding-dong. That's what their department does. It ain't much, but it's honest work for 'em.

Orwell remarking that it was a hard job is once again reminding me of Owen. Truly, he's following in the footsteps of the greats.

ALL OF THAT...TO PLAY "TWINKLE TWINKLE LITTLE STAR"?????? ARE YOU SERIOUS?!?!?!?!?!

Oh, bro...dear God...I'm sorry, but that is the most ridiculous shit any episode in this season has ever built up to. It's simple, it's stupid, but I'm cackling all the same.

See, this raises some questions, though. How does she eat and drink? How is she living this long? If she's immortal, fine, but exactly how long does she live for?

All of these questions and more will be answered when Seren divorces her husband, which is never!

Omar had to throw in his own two cents at the end, just for funsies. Just because he can. Just because it's a silent plea to Paul to take him to the doctor. Just because he was offered a hefty check if he put 'em in.

At least Orli meandered over to the swivel chair before collapsing. Orwell didn't even make it to the bed that is five steps away from him. (And looks like a bed in a jail cell, but that's besides the point.)

And your credits for this episode. We even get a voice credit for the jackalope this time around, which I guess we can contribute to all its other appearances in the season as well.

(Though...who, exactly, is Thrug?)

----------------------------

Overall...yeah, y'all were right, this was a good episode. I wasn't sold on Onom and Orwell as a pairing in "Miss Information", but I like the dynamic they put on display here. It's just a silly goofy ahh fun time with two agents who looked at Owen and went "lol okay we can do that." With Captain O as backup for good measure.

Also, Destructo McBaddington. Best bitch witch in the west. Just don't pour water on her.

Next up on the list is "Oddtober the Thirteenth", which is the last episode in this week's batch. For some reason, "Agent Overhill's Last Day" isn't lumped in with it, so we'll have to wait for that one. Here's hoping both are just as good as this episode was.

Seren out!

[pancakexspacexdragon]

Young Seraphina - Part 4 (Remastered)

WARNING: Strong Language and abuse.

I sat in the back of the bus, keeping my hood over my bloodshot eyes as I listened to my music. I tried to blend into the bus; as soon as someone noticed me, it was only a matter of time before the police escorted me back to the school. I'd only been moved to the alternative campus a couple of weeks ago, but I was already on a first-name basis with most correctional officers. I hummed along to my tunes, carefully paying attention to the movement of the bus and its people. "Stop 21: Medical Center," the bus roared to a halt as I quickly began my journey to the front of the bus. I tipped the driver and stumbled out, blinking at the bright sun. I walked into my mom's building - reading the familiar worn-down signs that were no doubt older than myself. I walked over to the front counter, careful not to interrupt the lady working on whatever it was on her computer behind the counter. "Hello, and welcome to Mercy Regional Medical Center," the lady replied, not looking up from her computer, "are you here for an appointment or a visit." "Uh, hi. I was wondering if Dr. Ares was available right now?" I started, sounding much more confident than I felt, "I need to speak to her." "Dr. Ares is booked for today, but I can schedule you for an appointment if you'd like." "Oh no, I don't need an appointment. I need to talk to her about something else." "We don't allow walk-ins, ma'am. This is a hospital -" "It's an emergency. About her daughter." The woman rolled her eyes and sighed; she didn't have time to deal with this. "Please take a seat. I'll let her know you're here as soon as she's finished with this next patient." I knew she was only saying this to get me out of her way, but I sat down anyway, pulling out my phone. "Mom," I began my message, "We need to talk. I'm tired of this bullshit. I need answers, and I'm not coming home until you give them to me." I continued to look through my phone, impatiently waiting for her mom's reply. I knew Mondays were her busiest days, but glancing at the time suggested that she'd be heading to lunch any moment. I suddenly realized how tired I was, but no sooner than when my eyes fluttered shut did I hear the familiar sound of my mother's footsteps. "SERAPHINA AVITA ARES, WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN? WE HAVE BEEN WORRIED SICK YOU'RE LUCKY WE DIDN'T CALL THE POLICE. WHY AREN'T YOU AT SCHOOL? YOU COULD GET EXPELLED; YOU KNOW WE CAN'T AFFORD TO -" I rolled my eyes and got up. "Look, Mom, if you're just gonna yell at me, I'll just walk out this door and leave, and I'll make damn sure you and, whatever he is, never see me again, so I'd suggest you stop treating me like I'm some child and fucking calm down." My mom froze and, taking a deep breath, motioned for me to follow her into the back. Once they were safely out of the public eye, I turned to my mom, expecting more yelling. I wasn't, however, expecting her to slap me across the face. The feeling took me by surprise, but before I could process what was happening, I could feel my body shoving Mom against the office door, screaming for answers. "After all these years, you will tell me it's all been a lie? That everything I've known isn't true? And now, after being abused by that shit of a man you call your husband, him pushing me around, bruising me, and almost putting me in the fucking hospital, you expect me just to come home? HELL. FUCKING. NO." I was beyond steaming at that point, but I knew yelling wouldn't get me what I needed. I took a breath and backed down, forcing myself into the chair. "No, Mother. I'm never coming back. I do, however, need some fucking answers, and you can bet your ass that I'm not leaving this office until you give them to me." And with those final words, I finally broke down, crying and sobbing more than ever. My mom sat beside me, silently weeping as she began her story about what had happened. Who she was, who I was, and why I could never find my real dad as long as she was alive.

[iamfruitie]

In Too Deep Chapter 36

Home Visit

“Do you think he’s going to tell?” Phantom asked Mare as the two stood in the kitchen the next morning. 

“He had to have believed us.” Mare sat down on the table. “There’s no reason that he wouldn’t.” 

“I’m shocked you didn’t try to fight him when he hoisted Mad up like that.” Phantom chuckled.

“Literally had to bite my own tongue.” Mare sighed. “That was the best acting performance we have put on in a long time.” 

“And we’ll still have to keep it up when we get back.” Phantom chewed on his lip. “Should probably make sure our stories are exactly the same before we go.” 

“We’re good at bullshitting with each other, but Dark is better at poking through the holes,” Mare said in agreement. 

“He knows our tricks 'cause he taught us most of them.” Phantom clicked his tongue. “We going the ‘one-night stand’ route?” 

“Dark’s not gonna want details on that stuff. We can usually distract him if we get dirty with our language.” Mare couldn’t help from being a little silly and doing a shimmy with that, getting Phantom to laugh. 

“You’d think with Wilford being his friend, he’d be used to that stuff.” Phantom made a face to tell Mare that someone was coming into the room. 

“We’ll work on it on the way there.” Mare kept his wording vague and turned his head, seeing Jackie walk into the kitchen. 

“Normally, I would stay out of other’s business, but I have a feeling what you two are talking about involves me and Mad,” Jackie said, having only caught the very end of the conversation. “It has to do with what happened last night, doesn’t it?” 

“You don’t need to worry about what happened last night,” Phantom said. “We have it covered.” 

“Have what covered? What’s going on? I know you two have the whole vampire thing going on, but does that mean something bad if the other ones figure out you’re with us? Do I need to hide Mad somewhere until it’s safe? He might know some basics of fighting, but he can only do so much, especially if he can’t get to his hammer. He’s fucked without it.” Jackie’s voice was thick with worry. He could take care of himself, he was a big guy that knew how to throw a damn good punch, but Mad was small, a scientist, he wasn’t one for fighting and could easily get hurt. 

“We got this, I promise.” Phantom went over to Jackie, placing his hands on his face to make him look at him. “The man that was over here last night, Wilford, he’s practically harmless. He’s just chaotic in the same way me and Mare are. He’s not going to do anything. Let’s get you home so you can get cleaned up, and then I’ll come over tonight and mess you all up again~”  

“Alright.” Jackie had a bit of a blush on his cheeks. “As long as Mad doesn’t get hurt.” 

“He won’t. Not while Mare likes his ass.” Phantom giggled and gave Jackie a quick kiss.

“Gross.” Mare made a face as he got off the table. “Let’s get going before you make me barf.” 

“Don’t be such a drama king.” 

“I will aim the puke at you.” 

“Rude!” 

x~x~x

From the outside, this home would have looked like an elderly house of sorts. Large, antique, and with a long list of history to it. All of that is correct, but the city that was many miles away didn’t know who lived inside this aged place. What they are and what they do. 

“Honey, I’m home!” Phantom called out with a laugh as he and Mare appeared at the front door.

“Hello!” A voice said inside of their heads, and they both turned to see a fellow vampire named JJ. He was about the same size as Mad, but with a mustache, hair hidden by a round hat, and dressed more formally with a button-up and vest. He also was unable to speak unless it was done through telepathic means. “Dark is in his office and is waiting for you.” 

“Thanks.” Mare flashed a smile at JJ. He’s always been fond of him, one of the kindest of the vampires in the home.  

“Might want to hurry, he’s annoyed~” Wilford came out from one of the nearby halls, singing the last word as he wrapped an arm around JJ’s shoulders, whispering something to him that got the smaller man to blush, giggle, and walk off with him. 

“Great. He’s in a mood.” Phantom clicked his tongue. “How bad do you think it’d be if we just left?” 

“You like living?” Mare asked with a raised brow. 

“Yeah.” Phantom held out the word with a groan, heading for the office with Mare in tow. 

“Come in.” A voice said from behind the door Mare knocked on. “Oh. Look who finally came home.” 

“Hey, Dark.” Mare gave an extra-large smile to Dark, hoping to get on his good side. 

���Where have you been?” The flatness in Dark’s voice told Mare that did not work. 

Dark was a fairly large man like Wilford, be it a few inches shorter and leaner, but still had a bit of size compared to Mare and Phantom. He, like JJ, was more often than not formally dressed in a suit of sorts. His ‘casual’ was slacks and a button-up with no tie. Mare had asked why Dark dressed the way a long time ago before he and Phantom were turned, and Dark had told him 

“I am in charge of everyone. I lead, I control, and I ensure the safety and stability of us all. I must look as together as we are to be”

Mare was a teenager at the time and didn’t understand, he still didn’t understand now, but at this point, it was just what was expected of Dark.   

“We were out having some fun,” Mare answered with a shrug. 

“A lot of fun~” Phantom giggled, seeing the look on Dark’s face from the implication. 

“We can tell you all of the lovely details if you want. Like how-

“No. No, I do not.” Dark cut him off before rising from behind his desk. “What I do want is for the two of you to stay here at the home until told otherwise.” 

“Are you grounding us or something? What the fuck’s going on?” Mare asked. 

“Language, Mare,” Dark said, hands going behind his back as he started to walk. “And you are not grounded; everyone is to stay in place until I sort a dangerous manner out. It won’t be long. It will likely be finished and taken care of by this afternoon.” 

“What ‘dangerous manner’ are you talking about?” Phantom asked. 

“I will explain when it is no longer a threat to us.” 

“But-” Mare didn’t even get his protest out before Dark was gone. “I have a bad feeling. Do you think Anti’s in their bedroom?” 

“Probably, and he has to know what’s going on. Dark tells him everything.” 

“Either him or Wilford. Anti’s more likely to tell us since Wilford’s probably busy with JJ.” 

“Let’s go,” Phantom said with a nod, and they both used their powers to appear in front of Dark and Anti’s bedroom door. They shared a glance before they both turned and started banging on the door.

“Mom!” They called out.

“You shits!” The person behind the door shouted and threw open the door. “I told you two to stop calling me that.” 

“But mom~!” Mare and Phantom held out the word in unison, something they’d done plenty of times. 

“What do you two want?” Anti crossed his arms.

He was one of the average-sized vampires in the home, not tiny like JJ but not large like Wilford and Dark. He was maybe an inch or so shorter than Mare and Phantom, with hair a bright green and fangs sticking out much more than the others. Unlike his husband, Anti was very casual in his attire. Ripped jeans and a t-shirt with gauges in his almost pointed ears. There was a faded scar on his neck, a reminder of why he had been turned in the first place. That scar was next to his mate mark and the teeth scars from his turning. 

Dark, Wilford, and JJ all had those last two kinds of marks as well, but Anti’s stood out since he had more markings there than the others. Phantom and Mare only had turn marks. 

“Where’s Dark going?” Mare asked outright, knowing it was a lot easier that way. 

“To take care of something.” Anti’s eyes went to the side, his dead giveaway that he wasn’t saying everything that he knew. 

“He said it was a ‘dangerous manner’, what’s going on?” Phantom asked with a bit of a pout. The twins were more than aware that Anti had a weak spot for Phantom while Dark’s was for Mare, and they took full advantage of it whenever they could. “Are we going to be okay?” 

“Phan.” Anti sighed. The use of the nickname told Mare and Phantom that Anti already cracked. “It’s going to be okay, I promise. There’s just been some human trying to dig into our business, and Dark wants to go take care of it before it could turn into something harmful for us.” 

“Do you know who this human is?” Mare had a really bad feeling. 

“Some rich guy named Madrick.” 

“Madrick Richards?”

“Yeah, how did you-” 

“Fuck!” 

-----------

Tag List: (Feel free to ask to be added!)

@dungeon-dragons-dragons @justyoursicanon @angst-anonn @damnthedead

[charlesdesvoeux]

terror rewatch time!!! i'll be using this post to comment on ep. 7 "horrible from supper" block the tag terrorwatch2 if you'd like :-)

"see you in a months time mr. hickey" you guys don't know what happened to me when I first watched this. and I can't put it into words either

waaaait is this the moment where hickey zeroes in on tozer. "i hope I'm stood next to you when it comes" and of course he meant it as "so I can shove you to the creature and not me" but ec's delusional ass was like "oh. he desires me carnally" which to be fair was also true, I think, even this early. AND BILLY MAKING SUCH A WEIRD FACE IN THE BACKGROUND TOO.

i love that billy was the first one to express mutinous intentions. AND HICKEY TOUCHING HIS WAIST WHEN HE TELLS HIM TO SPEAK HIS MIND AAAAAAA

hartnell ❤️❤️❤️ also hodge kinda looking :-/ and hickey noticing it.......

collins :-((( trystan gravelle the actor that you are.......

goodsir trying to protect silna from the lead poisoning tipping hickey off that something was wrong!!!! also the brewing dissatisfaction expressed by tommy armitage!!!!

and of course, the burden of morfin and tozer of being the only two men who know that they are even more doomed than they thought they were, that lieutenant fairholme is dead and his men are dead and really they're all living dead men right now. i hadn't noticed they were tied by this, and then later tozer mercy-kills him.

also of course crozier choosing to keep this from the crew also brewing dissatisfaction. as blanky said to jfj "if you're gonna keep things from the men you need to give them something in return"!!!!!

little crozier dad son bonding time 🥹

tozer trying to get the mutiny boys guns and crozier being like ok until he hears. of course. mr. hickey. SOLOMON YOU FUMBLED THAT ONE. "The reason is sound, some of those names are not"

"My head. Cut it off. Put it with the others". We circle back to the idea of what is "a mercy" that was also very present in the last episode.

the cut from harry and silna together, to harry alone facing in the direction she had been the past night....... oh my god.......

funny thing is. hickey wanted to be noticed by crozier so bad. and if he had just done his fucking job well and been a nice person he probably would have been noticed and well regarded just like hartnell was. thing is though hickey doesn't even necessarily care for the "well regarded part" he just wants to be SEEN and if it's for being a shithead so be it (we can see that in his first interaction with goodsir, clearly goodsir dislikes him but still hickey beams with joy because AT LEAST HE WAS SEEN)

"that is my job you are shaving away" they were fucking crazy for that.

hodge not being at the command meeting probably really got under his skin.

ooooooh crozier promoting jopson is on one hand a good idea and in the other a bad one. bc "it's never been done" so I guess it highlights how bullshit that whole hierarchical system which divides human beings into "officers" and "men" is bullshit and it'll probably foster resentment. but it's also good for crozier bc it means there's someone he trusts in a position of authority.

"some modicum of protocol must be observed, even here" oh but soon this'll break too. don't worry.

re: the lead poisoned cans i must say once again hickey is actually a smart person. thing is he is also a narcissist with god delusions and thus he fucks up more than he should and doesn't usually learn from his mistakes because well. narcissism.

just the fact that hickey and tozer can pull hodge aside and talk so frankly about everything and call francis not "the captain" or "Mr. Crozier" but just. "crozier" something which even like 2 months ago would have been unthinkable. it shows how inadequate these structures they have are in the face of that landscape, those odds, those circumstances.

this reveals so much about both hodge and hickey!!!! "I'm not a captain, I'm not made of that" "you can be whatever you need to be now" which is ec's whole life philosophy.

also "let me be your lieutenant" he knows how to play psychologically..... an officer would balk at allowing himself to be led by a caulker's mate....... so he must think he is the leader..... while clearly hickey is running the operation.

when hodge takes armitage and pocock (new terror guy unlocked!!!) and jirv realizes then that he must take hickey he looks SO UNCOMFORTABLE

"The captain said so, didn't he?" That the netsilik would help them and yup he was right, at which moment hickey realizes it would be useful to kill the both of them and pin it on the netsilik and then kill the netsilik so as to leave no trace of his fuckery in order to further undermine crozier too

"my name is lieutenant john irving of her majesty's royal navy" and the way. the way this means nothing to them. babyboy. forget about being an officer. try being a man.

THE WAY HE IS ALMOST CRYING WHEN HE JUST SAYS "JOHN".

and like. the way he kills john feels so. professional. practiced. even before we get the confirmation that he indeed killed cornelius hickey we get the impression that ec has killed before. ec was a killer; cornelius hickey was not. but now cornelius hickey is a killer too.

[bradenthompson]

Insurgent (2015) notes

Give Divergent (2014) this: I did immediately put on the sequel.

>iirc, I bought a ticket to this movie opening weekend, for the purposes of sneaking into a screening of Kingsman: the Secret Service. So I'm partly implicit in this movie being #1 at that weekend's box office.

>by 2015, Lionsgate had acquired Summit Entertainment, further consolidating their power in the bloody history of YA Movie Feudalism. This is important because at the top of Insurgent is a splash logo for Summit subsidiary International Distribution Company LLC, touters of maybe the worst splash logo of all time. Looks like a PS2 game, but like, the ones made when the PS3 was already out.

>also producing is one Red Wagon Entertainment, the production name for one Douglas Wick, producer for all three Divergent movies as well as 2005's Jarhead and Memoirs of a Geisha. So if you want someone to blame for these movies never concluding, well, he's a name that's public.

>Winslet says "...by dividing people based on personality and aptitude..." which goes against what I understood Faction Society to be. Citizens self-select their factions, don't they? Or is forced division a new thing since the Great Beatrice Crisis

>It'd be really funny if Kate Winslet is only seen on computer screens for the entirety of this movie. Just rolled up to the bluescreen studio and knocked out her role in one day

>I miss Jai Courtney. Haven't seen him in a movie for a while. Bro wasn't phoning it in, unlike some of this cast

>New director for this one! Robert Schwentke, also responsible for RED, R.I.P.D., the yet to be seen Allegiant, and Snake Eyes: GI Joe Origins (a movie that--get ready for this--I've seen)

>RUNNING👏THROUGH👏FORESTS👏

>lil pissbaby Ansel doesn't get a cool Dauntless jacket lol get fukked bud

>Katniss also started her sequel with the lingering consequences of taking a life, Beatrice. One of you is gonna have to change

>ain't no goddamn way they filmed Divergent 2 with the IMAX cameras

>too many movies feed teenagers the lie of chopping your own hair and having it come out salon-layered and photogenic.

>am I supposed to call him Four or Tobias, because the former is funnier

>"How long do we have to stay here" Bea are you for real

>aw dammit Winslet's in the flesh

>secret box, secret box, secret box, secret box

>gonna start making guesses at what's in the box now and pray they reveal it before the end of this movie a. letter from the founders saying factions are a load of bullshit b. key to door that will be opened in Divergent 3 c. contract buyouts for the whole cast when this series fails to conclude

>"I really don't know how much longer I can do this whole peace and love thing." Truer words wrt Beatrice have never been spoken. She pops more heads in one movie than most YA girls do in a trilogy of books

>Miles Teller is silly now.

>"wait, we're fugitives?" Ansel, what the fuck did you think was happening here?

>"we need to find out what happened to the other Dauntless" presumably stayed in the city, Four, you beautiful cinder block of a man. They certainly didn't run off with you--I would know, I just watched the first movie like two hours ago

>"we need to kill Jeannine" TALK YOUR SHIT BEA

>lmaoo Miles Teller is such a dick, Beatrice is a psycho, this movie's gonna rule ass

>love how Amity has roads but the villain trucks just run over the fences anyway

>the dominant trait of Amity is politeness, which I feel runs counter to what's historically known about the agricultural complex

>hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha (people who have seen Insurgent know what I'm talking about)

>save money on set design with a little bit of the ol' RUNNING👏THROUGH👏FORESTS👏

>do you think Ansel was directed to run like a geek or is that just how he is

>man I hope Veronica Roth eventually got to jump on a moving train irl. Seems like a big fantasy of hers, next to sharing needles (incidentally, injection count's still at zero)

>who could ever dislike Beatrice. She breaks arms. She kicks women out of trains to be crushed under the wheels. She bites hands and doesn't afraid of anything

>Four's mom lives in a haunted house lol

>shut up Ansel (I've said this out loud four times, we're thirty minutes in)

>Divergents fit into every faction, like a faction avatar of sorts, and by that token the factionless don't fit into any faction, ergo they are the worst people. With you so far, movie

>hey what's the absolute weirdest thing a mother can say to her son's girlfriend. Because that's what Four's mom just said

>hey what's the second weirdest thing a mother can say to her son's girlfriend. Because that's what Four's mom just said

>we have just received mention of administering a truth system, bringing our injection counter dubiously up to one

>so every faction can hold their own trials? Is that what Four's talking about? Is the Dauntless trial just Thunderdome?

>injection counter now decisively up to 1

>the Divergent series doesn't have a love triangle and thus doesn't have any teams other than Team Four but I'm gonna be Team Miles Teller just to be a pissant

>injection counter: 2

>Candor man asks "did you harm anyone" to which Beatrice, under the effects of truth serum, says "my mom," which literally is not true. Then again, maybe the truth isn't a divine thing, rather whatever the serumee believes to be true. Beatrice could be telling the truth as she believes--ie. putting her mom in the position to be shot is as good as killing her herself. So could a totally delusional person invalidate the serum by just believing incorrect things? Discuss with your table.

>Maybe Beatrice should've objected to Four's "neither of us have secrets worth hiding" thing

>"people get hurt when they get close to me" objection, your honor?? Conjecture???? why is truth serum making her say this????????? Again, I think truth serum has a big flaw someone should reformulate

>what's in the box? d. a ceremonial dagger whose holder gets to be King of Earth e. map to the rest of civilization f. the Allegiant book ie. the scene in Spaceballs where they fastforward the movie

>Divergents are special, but some Divergents are more special-er than others. What the fuck does that mean

>Four has a way of flying in from offscreen for stealth attacks. Refuse to believe he's capable of this. Giant, pretty tree, him. Ain't creepin up on nobody

>Jai Courtney we hardly knew Yai Courtney🙏

>what a fool I was to attempt an injection counter when I should've been doing a popped collar counter

>Beatrice wearing a tactical vest and nothing else; I like her style

>"I'm gonna kill Miles Teller!" "okay" lmao

>nine injections in one scene, talk about a buzzer beater

>back to the simulation fakeouts. Still momentarily fun

>still don't think admitting to insecurities should count as Candor. If anything that should be Dauntless

>Beatrice realizing Four's not actually there by him referencing a line from a scene he wasn't in? Cool idea. Don't think Beatrice had to reiterate that, but it's cool

>women in movies love taking showers while holding some random step of the Macarena

>shut up Ansel

>injection count: 12 (I'm counting all the simulation probes separately) (btw: injection count 21)

>good on them for keeping the "breaking glass barriers" motif for all the big "she's a Divergent" moments. Someone on the storyboard team wants senpai to notice. And I did

>so... am I to understand that Kwinslet unknowngly shut herself out of the box by putting Beatrice in a position where she can't act on her Amity-worthy kindness? I'm not ruling out this scene possibly being a longform fakeout. These movies have set a precedent

>Miles Teller Best Character

>injection count: 30. Allegiant's gonna need a miracle to beat this record

>I did predict Beatrice eventually scrapping with a shadow clone by means of self-discovery. Did not predict the video game graphics.

>Beatrice The Cooler Beatrice

>Beatrice should try the ducking in the corner trick, bug out Evil Beatrice's AI

>taking one more guess at what's in the box, for ol' times sake g. incomplete coordinates. Allegiant is about getting the rest of the coordinates, we never find out because they never finished these movies

>okay I was... almost correct? first answer was almost correct. It's a message from outside the city. If I have this right, the whole Faction Society was just a prank bro a social experiment with the goal of creating Divergents, and their greater purpose will be revealed in the next movie, or maybe not because they didn't finish them

>approximately how much time passed between movies? Kwinslet still has a bandage from Beatrice stabbing her hand. Has it been a week? I'm gonna imagine both movies are set over a week.

>Four's mom taking a little too much credit for this

>if Beatrice and Kwinslet don't get their ultimate deathmatch by the end of these I'm eternal sunshining this series from my head

>Faction Society only needed one "you guys can leave" message and everyone packs their bags, lmao. Solid as a rock

>BOO FOUR'S MOM, DENY ME MY THUNDERDONE

I'm clapping folks, I'm sitting at my desk and clapping. That was way better than the first movie, wtf is imdb talking about. We got Punished Venom Beatrice, Miles Teller talkin his shit, the number one cause of death is shooting in the head, YA Sequel Haircuts, Royal Blood at the end which isn't a great band but they bring some much needed oomph to this soundtrack. You'll take Veronica Roth's needles and jumping on trains from her cold dead hands. What is it with 2010s YA trilogies and the second movie being the best one, and why am I the only one who holds this obviously correct opinion? Glad I bought a ticket to this movie in 2015 and didn't watch it for eight years. Bring on movie three, I crave that total deflation.

[onthepyre]

"Ian!"

Debbie's eyes are wide, the teeth that are still too big for her mouth on full display. There's no way he could ignore her. She holds out a handful of cards, shuffled so they're all pointing different directions. "Pick three."

Ian does as he's told. She grabs the top one from the pile.

"This one's for your past. Five of Pentacles-- uh, one second." She flips through a pamphlet, but Ian can tell by the picture that it's not good. "Okay, here. 'You have fallen on financial hardship,'" she reads off. "'You may feel isolated and alone, like you've been left out in the cold.' Huh." Her grin vanishes. Ian chuckles; Debbie forges on, picking up the next card.

"Okay, your present: Two of Swords." She flips again, mouth twisted tight. "'You have a difficult decision to make and are avoiding certain truths. You must come face to face with your fears.' Well, that's depressing."

"Jesus, Debs," Ian breathes out, "Where'd you get these?"

"Dumpster," she tells him, and plucks the last card that's dangling from his fingers like a cigarette. "Your future..."

Her face falls. Ian can't read the expression. She turns the card around slowly. DEATH, it reads, heavy letters under a skull staring him in the face. Debbie looks like she can't breathe.

"It’s probably not literal," Ian says. He's not sure if he means it for himself or for her. "Some witchy bullshit that means, like, the end of an era or whatever."

She nods, but he can tell she doesn't believe him.

-

The next day, he gets thrown out of class for hitting a kid who called him a queer. So much for not avoiding those truths, he thinks as he idles in the hallway. But whatever. It's not like he denied it. He didn't even say anything to the kid, just socked him right below his left eye.

They're gonna call a parent to the school. If he's lucky, Fiona will show; if he's not, this is the last straw before fucking DCFS gets called again. Goddamn Gallaghers, he heard the teacher mutter as the door slammed closed behind him.

Whatever. One door closes and another opens. Monica used to say that, maybe. Ian's just gotta find the fucking thing. Instead of to the office, he wanders out the back door of the school. Who gives a shit how much trouble he's in? They'll do the same shit no matter what. The only difference is how hard Fi whacks him upside the head when he gets home.

-

Ian sleeps under the L that night. Last time Lip pulled something like this, Fiona wandered the neighborhood calling his name until sunrise. He can't be fucked to care. He promises mentally to her and Lip and Debs especially, Debs who probably thinks he's dead on a corner somewhere, that he'll be home sometime tomorrow. But for tonight, the cold fall air pricking pins into his nose, he can see the moon over some trees in the distance. It's too pretty to leave.

mini moodboard story challenge [x] | [x] | [x] | [x] [ more ]

[ladyfogg]

Impulse - Part 1

Impulse – Part 1

Fic Summary: Tired of doing what everyone expects, Eddie convinces you to ditch school and do something impulsive for once. However, your impulse isn’t what he’s anticipating. Impulse Masterpost. Eddie Munson Oneshots Masterpost. 

Fic Rating: 18+ (Minors DNI)

Pairing: Eddie Munson/Virgin Female Reader (Reader is 18)

Warnings: Language, Drug Use (mentions of smoking pot), Talk of Strict/Overbearing Parents, Friends with Benefits Adjacent, Canon Divergent, Oral (Male Receiving)

A/N: New surprise series drop! Have no clue how many parts this will be but I know I want them to be mostly short smutty fics that can be read as oneshots. Enjoy!

School is bullshit, particularly high school.

On the cusp of graduation, you’ve slowly begun to realize how fucked up the system truly is. Your entire childhood you’re talked down to, told what to believe and what to think. And then when you turn eighteen you’re suddenly supposed to act like an adult? For fuck’s sake, two weeks ago you had to fucking ask for a pass to go to the bathroom and now that you’re graduating, you’re expected to know already what you want to do with your life? You’re expected to go to college, get a boring office job, crank out two kids, and then force them to go through what you went through?

Bull. Shit. All of it.

You sit in the back of Ms. O’Donnell’s class, desk empty and mind somewhere else. Your grades have been slipping, something your mother constantly reminds you. Caring isn’t even in your vocabulary anymore. Besides, you’ve done just enough to scrape by so you don’t fail. Because failing meant repeating this shit all over again.

Speaking of repeating, two desks away, Eddie’s desk is also empty. He’s leaning back in his seat, looking as bored as you feel. You haven’t talked to him much, only a few convos here and there. But today when your eyes find him, he's already staring at you.

‘Kill me’ you mouth before slumping forward on the desk. Eddie smirks.

Just then, O’Donnell calls on you. You’re not even sure what the fucking question is so when she says your name, followed by, “Can you tell me what year that was?” you have no clue what she’s talking about.

“Pass.”

Everyone in the class turns their heads to look at you. The teacher’s eyes narrow. “You can’t pass when I ask you a question,” she says in a stern tone.

“Funny because I just did.”

You’ve never talked back to a teacher and you’re starting to wonder why because it feels really good to see the shock on her face. Your classmates erupt into murmurs. You chance a look at Eddie whose eyebrows disappear under his bangs.

“Excuse me?” O’Donnell says.

“Do you need me to say it again?”

The teacher’s face turns bright red in anger. “Principal’s office, now!” she orders, pointing to the door.

You don’t get up. “Yeah, I’m gonna pass on that too.”

A hush falls across the room. Everyone is either looking at you or looking at O’Donnell. Out of the corner of your eye, you can see Eddie hasn’t taken his eyes off you.

“If you cannot be respectful in my class than maybe you shouldn’t be here,” O’Donnell says, crossing her arms. There’s a smirk playing on her lips, as if you thinks she’s caught you in some kind of trap.

Joke’s on her.

With a shrug, you grab your backpack and stand. “Works for me.” Without batting an eye, you leave.

There’s a rush of adrenaline unlike anything you’ve ever felt before. It’s just after lunch and there are still several hours of school left, but fuck it. You’d rather spend the time walking home than sitting at one of those tiny desks for another minute.

You’re on your way to the side entrance, knowing you can duck out that way without being seen, when you hear your name called.

To your surprise, Eddie is jogging to catch up to you. Class isn’t even close to done which means he must have walked out as well.

“Yeah?” you ask.

“That was fucking amazing!” he says with a grin. He doesn’t have a backpack, only a small metal lunchbox.

“Thanks. Not looking forward to her calling my parents but I couldn’t stand being in there another second.”

“Fucking same. Where are you going now?”

You shrug. “Home to wait for the inevitable.”

“I have a better idea,” he says, slinging his arm around your shoulders and leading you towards the exit. “Come with me.”

You hesitate. Not because you don’t like Eddie. Sure he’s loud and boisterous but he’s never been anything other than chill with you. The truth is this rebelling thing is all new to you and you’re starting to feel a twinge of anxiety over what you did.

As if sensing your hesitation, Eddie throws you a grin. “It’ll be worth it, promise,” he assures you. “Come on, you’re already leaving school. Might as well have some fun.”

Being this close to Eddie is new. The weight of his arm feels good and the heat radiating from his body makes your stomach flutter. This is the first time you’ve ever been touched by someone who isn’t family. He smells like weed and cheap cologne, neither of which bothers you in the slightest. Up close, you never realized how beautiful his eyes are, almost honey-colored in the shitty school lights. There’s something about him that puts you at ease and you grin back.

“Alright, Munson. Show me what you got.”

Eddie’s arm slips away as he steps forward to push the door open for you. “That’s the spirit!”

Walking across the parking lot in broad daylight with Eddie “the Freak” Munson feels weird. And so fucking exciting. You have no idea what he has in store but you’re curious to find out. He leads you to the edge of one of the fields where the scenery changes into woods.

“What you said to O’Donnell was fucking epic,” he says as you two move through the trees. “I’ve never seen her face turn that shade of red before. And believe me, I’ve made her angry plenty of times in the last two years.”

“I fucking hate when teachers call on you even though they know you don’t have the answer. They’re just trying to embarrass us and I’m so fucking done with it. With all of high school.”

“Preaching to the fucking choir. So what are your plans for after?”

You sigh heavily. “That’s the million dollar question, isn’t it? Everyone wants to know, as if I have any fucking clue. I’m eighteen. I shouldn’t have to decide right this second what I want to do with my entire life.”

“Seriously. It’s absolute bullshit.”

“Right? How are we the only ones who see that?”

“Forced conformity. They think it’s ‘normal’.”

“There’s no such thing as normal.”

The two of you arrive at a picnic table and Eddie gestures to it with a sweep of his hand. “Please, step into my office.”

Amused, you take a seat on the table itself, throwing your bag onto the ground. Eddie shrugs out of his leather jacket before joining you. He’s still clutching the lunchbox and now that you’re sitting there with him, you realize you’ve never seen him without it.

“See, I don’t usually operate this way, but I figure it’s a special occasion,” he says, flipping the lid.

For the first time you actually get to see what’s inside and, you have to admit, you don’t know what you were expecting. The assortment of drugs is a mild surprise. Of course there have been rumors that if you need a fix of something Eddie can hook you up. However, you don’t tend to pay attention to rumors. Seems like these were true.

Eddie digs around before he pulls out a bag with a pre-rolled joint. “This one’s on the house,” he tells you. “For making O’Donnell madder than I ever could.”

“You honor me.”

Still grinning, Eddie takes the joint out of the bag and pulls a lighter from his pocket. He puts the end in his mouth and you watch as he lights it, your gaze drawn to his hands.

Damn, how have you never noticed those hands before? Long slender fingers, dexterous from playing guitar. It makes you wonder what else he can do with them. Being this close, his hands aren’t the only things you’re noticing.

Eddie is gorgeous.

The thought strikes you out of nowhere and you realize it’s because while you’ve seen him before, you’ve never really seen him.

He takes a drag, holding it in for a second as he passes you the joint before slowly exhaling. You’re not as smooth as he is. This is the first time you’ve ever even seen a joint. Not that you haven’t been curious, it’s just the first time the opportunity has presented itself. You follow his lead except you’re almost immediately sent into a coughing fit.

Eddie chuckles as he takes the joint back. “You alright?”

���Fine,” you cough. “Just destroyed my cool image in a few seconds is all.”

Eddie laughs. “Nah, I still think you’re cool.”

“Thanks.”

The two of you pass the joint back and forth until it’s finished. Eddie puts the stub out on the picnic table as he leans back on his hands.

“All bullshit aside, what do you want to do?” he asks. “If you could pick whatever.”

You copy his stance because it brings you closer to him, your shoulder practically touching his. “Truthfully? I honestly don’t know. I’ve never had a chance to actually sit and think about it. My parents are always so fucking focused on my grades and I was too. All I was allowed to do was study. They wouldn’t even let me spend time with my friends. Recently, I don’t know, I just got fucking fed up with everything and I realized, grades don’t fucking matter. Not in the grand scheme of things.”

Eddie nods in understanding. “Sounds like your parents are assholes.”

“Oh for sure. They’re going to be pissed later. I’m sure I’m going to be grounded. As if they fucking let me out of the house anyway.”

“Wait, so like, you can’t even go to the movies or hang out at a friend’s house?”

You shake your head. “Nope.”

“What about dating?”

“What about it?”

“Have you ever been on a date?”

If anyone else asked you, you’d get embarrassed or defensive. But with Eddie, you don’t. Of course, that could also be because you’re stoned.

“No. Not that anyone has asked. Even if they did, I wouldn’t be able to go.”

Eddie slides off the table and moves to stand in front of you. “Unacceptable,” he says. “I refuse to believe no one has ever asked you out. You’re a total hottie.”

His compliment takes you by surprise and you can feel the heat rising in your face. “Shut up,” you say, playfully kicking at him. “You can stop trying to make me feel better. I’ve come to terms with it.”

“I don’t say things I don’t mean,” Eddie says. He places a hand over his heart. “And because I’m such a good person, I will be more than happy to take you out on your first date.”

Going on a date with Eddie Munson? Going on your first ever date with Eddie Munson?

Fuck.

That sounds like the best idea you’ve heard in a long time. “I’m flattered but need I remind you of the strict parents who won’t let me out of their sight?”

Eddie shrugs, shoving his hands in his back pockets. “Easy,” he says. “Sneak out and I’ll pick you up.”

“Oh, really, that’s all?”

Eddie’s grin returns. “If you can essentially tell O’Donnell to fuck off, I’m sure you can find a way to sneak out of your house.”

You ponder what he says. Your house is only one story. You very easily can climb out your window if you wanted to. You’ve never had the urge before because you were too scared of what your parents would do. Plus, any friends are kept at arm’s length due to the fact you can’t see them outside of school. It became easier to be alone.

But, seriously, what was the worst they could do? You’re eighteen. You’re already going to graduate. Not to mention they won’t expect it.

Eddie’s grin widens the longer you’re silent. “You’ve figured out a way, haven’t you?”

“Maybe.”

Eddie puts his foot on the wooden bench, leaning towards you in excitement. “So it that a yes?”

“Depends on if you’re legitimately asking me out.”

“Thought I made it clear that I was.”

The flutters in your stomach are stronger now, especially with him this close. Your body aches to reach out and touch him, to slide your hand into his messy hair and yank him into a kiss.

Your first kiss.

“Then, if you’re serious, my answer is yes.”

Eddie’s grin softens and he bites his bottom lip. “Tomorrow night? Pick you up at eight?”

“Make it nine. They’ll be in bed by then.”

“It’s a date.” He stays there, eyes drinking you in as if he’s trying to memorize the lines of your face. “I take it no dating also means…”

“Yes, I’m a virgin. In every sense of the word.”

“Well, we’re just going to have to change that.” Eddie’s eyes go wide for a second and his cool mask drops as he draws back. “Only if you want to, that is. Shit, that came out creepier than I intended.”

You laugh, mostly because you have to in order to ease the fluttering that’s taken residence in your stomach. “Don’t worry, I thought it sounded hot.”

Eddie gives you that boyish grin. “Hot you say?”

You push yourself up to sit, bringing your face close to his. “Super hot.”

Eddie bites his lip again, his eyes hooded as he looks you up and down. “You let me know when and what you’re ready for and I’ll be more than happy to assist.”

Your mind races. There’s so much you want to do, to experience. But, more importantly, so much you want to do with Eddie.

The impulsiveness that took hold earlier is back and you’re just excited enough, and just high enough, to follow through. You suddenly get to your feet, forcing Eddie to take a step back so you don’t collide. Without giving yourself a chance to second guess what you’re doing, you reach for his belt.

Eddie’s eyes go comically wide and he sucks in a deep breath as you undo the buckle.

“Wow, you’re just jumping right in, aren’t you?” he asks, lays his hands on your arms. It’s not to stop you, but to caress.

The touch sends a shudder through your body and your heart rate spikes.

“Unless you don’t want me to,” you say, pausing to give him a chance to refuse.

“I don’t know what you’re planning but whatever it is, I’m here for it.”

That’s all the permission you need. You deftly undo his belt and shove his pants down. Eddie leans in, like he’s about to kiss you but you have another idea. You grab his waist and turn so his back is to the table. He’s commando underneath and it thrills you. You put a hand on his chest and push him down onto the bench.

Eddie’s eyes are wide and his lips part as his breathing picks up. You can see his pupils dilate right before your eyes and the fact that he, Eddie Munson, is turned on, wants you, makes you feel desirable for the first time in your life.

You drop to your knees.

“I think I’m going to blow you now,” you say in a surprisingly casual tone.

His mouth moves but no sound comes out at first. It’s like you can see the wheels turning in his head though you would give anything to hear what he must be thinking. Eventually, when he does speak, he says, “Fuck, yes, please.”

The ‘please’ gets you. There’s a hint of a whine to his voice, a neediness that surprises you. It’s empowering.

You finally look down and see a cock for the first time. HIS cock for the first time. A long, thick shaft nestled above dark curls. Even without touching him you’ve made him hard. When you wrap your hand around him, it twitches against your palm, and you realize in that moment that he’s only half-hard. With zero frame of reference, you have nothing or no one to compare him to. All you know is that the sight is fucking thrilling and makes your pussy throb.

You stick out your tongue and lick a stripe up the underside of him, immediately drawing a moan out of Eddie.

So you do it again, this time looking up at him while you do. His elbows are leaning on the tabletop and his gaze is not leaving your face for a second. Already a flush has started to spread across his cheeks.

Out of your element, but determined to make him feel good, you wrap your lips around the head of his cock and gently suck.

Eddie inhales sharply. His tongue darts out to wet his dry lips and his hands clench into fists, like he’s trying to stop himself from grabbing you. You suck again, harder this time and are rewarded by a drop of something wet and salty, falling onto your tongue.

“Shit, that feels good.” The low gravelly nature of his voice hits you harder than you expect. You feel another stab of desire and it urges you to do more.

Carefully, you relax your jaw and slowly start to slide the rest of him into your mouth. You only get a little ways before coming back up again. Sucking at the tip, you flick him with your tongue and then repeat the process.

Eddie’s chest starts to rapidly rise and fall, straining against his Hellfire shirt. You wonder what he’d look like without it, how he’d look fully naked, spread out and waiting for you.

Another time.

With each move downward, you’re able to take a little more of him each time, until you take all you can. Even then, it’s not all of him. You wrap your hand around the rest and this time when you pull up, you follow the movement with a firm stroke.

Eddie’s hips jerk off the bench and you gag for a second. Instinctively, you swallow around him, proud when you feel him slide even further down your throat.

“Fuck!” he swears, throwing his head back with the most erotic moan you’ve ever heard.

It makes your body hot with want and you’re eager to make him make that sound again. Your pace is slow at first, however, once you get used to the motion and the heady taste of him, you’re able to move quicker, smoother.

Eddie’s hips are rocking along with your movements. He’s panting now and when you glance up, you’re greeted by the beautiful vision of red cheeks and big brown eyes watching you. The hunger and desire you see reflected back is intoxicating.

You’re doing this to him. You’re making him feel this way.

Fuck, what else can you make him feel?

Pulling off his cock to catch your breath, you keep stroking him, your saliva and his precum acting as lube. You open your mouth and sloppily run your tongue up and down his shaft a couple of times. Then, you duck your head and take one of his balls into your mouth.

Eddie’s hands immediately fly to your head and he gasps. “Jesus Christ! Fuck, sweetheart, that mouth!”

His cock feels impossibly hard. Your hand is cramping but you’re determined to keep jerking him off. At least until you suck on his other ball for a second, trying to taste every inch of him that you can.

By the time you get back to sucking his cock, he’s a babbling, mess. His hands direct your movements as his hips roll along, making him fuck your mouth.

“Fuck, I’m going to cum like this. Shit, I’ve never cum this fast before. Fuck fuck fuck!”

You’re spurred on by the admissions and suck harder, closing your eyes and surrendering. Your head moves up and down on his lap. You’re making a mess, spit dripping down his cock and balls as you’re given little time to swallow. Eddie is outright fucking you mouth and it’s so fucking sexy that your panties are drenched.

You can’t take it anymore and use one hand to open your jeans, slipping your hand between your legs. Your body sags with relief, hips grinding forward.

“Are-Are you touching yourself?” Eddie gasps. “SHIT! You are! Oh, fuck!”

For a split second, his cock grows impossibility hard and he pushes your head down as far as it can go, moaning when you constrict around him. The next second, he’s shooting his load into the back of your throat and you have no choice but to swallow it all.

You’re pussy is aching and while Eddie cums, you furiously rub your clit, moaning with relief. Eddie’s cock spasms at the vibration and you feel more cum a second later. It's enough to send you over the edge and you cum hard, your pussy clenching around nothing but wanting it to be Eddie. Fuck, you never know it could be this way. How could a simple blow job get you off harder than any of your wildest fantasies?

Because this isn’t a fantasy. This is real. This is Eddie.

Once the pleasure recedes, you let him slip from your mouth, gasping for breath. You desperately want to keeping rubbing yourself but you’re so god damn sensitive it hurts.

Suddenly, Eddie grabs your upper arms and yanks you up and onto his lap. He grabs your wrist, yanking it out of your pants. And, while making eye contact, he slides your wet fingers into his mouth. It’s your turn to gasp, imaging those lips somewhere else. Brown eyes never leave yours as he sucks you slick away, his tongue wrapping around both digits.

The noise he makes. It’s like he’s just sampled a delicious treat that he desperately wants more of.

A few seconds later, he lets them go with a wet pop. Reaching up, his thumb gathers a bead of cum that escaped down your chin, smearing it across your bottom lip until you lewdly suck it away.

“Fuck, sweetheart,” he says, breathless with awe in his voice. “You say your parents are strict. Wouldn’t I be astounding in that equation?”

“The evil guitar playing drug dealer looking to corrupt their daughter?” you tease with a grin. “Absolutely.”

Eddie grins, relaxing back while sliding his hands under your shirt, palms dragging across bare skin. “Can’t corrupt someone who isn’t innocent.”

You reach down to wrap your hand around him again. He jerks up with a hiss, his cock red and clearly as sensitive as you are, yet he still twitches with interest. “Or maybe I’m the one who will corrupt you, Eddie.”

“I can’t wait to see you try.”