#gonna go read some new fics
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No greater horror than going to reread one of your favourite fics only to realize it was fucking deleted.
BUT THEN YOU REMEMBER THAT YOU SAVED IT ALL A WHILE BACK AND FIND THE SAVED COPY
So now Im just staring at the fucking PDF file of the fic, absolutely flabbergasted and shocked. This is it. This is the only way I'll ever be able to read it now. Holy shit đ
The author deleted their entire accout too, so I guess they just wanted to get rid of everything. Which, I mean, is fine, it is their work after all. They can do whatever they want with it.
BUT MAN, Im gonna be saving stuff all the time from now on.
#I have NEVER experienced this before#sure some fics I liked in the past got deleted and I was sad about it#but having a copy of it saved????#this is a whole new level of emotions#what the hell#you bet your ass Im gonna go and save SO MANY fics now after this#had to come here and rant cause Im feeling things rn#like Im so sad they deleted it but I have a copy so Im good??#but its still evoking this somberness???#idk man I wasn't expecting this#Im just gonna go read this smut fic now LMAO#ahhh but I just realized there was ANOTHER fic by this author I really liked... and I dont have it saved âš#FUCK#really learning the hard way today#save your faves everybody!#you never know...#random post
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some quick updates !
first, i just turned in my last final so i'm officially on winter break woo!!!!! :D i have been DYING to start writing again and now that my responsibilities are out of the way i finally can :)) i can't make any promises how often i'll post because life is still busy in other ways, but i have more down time rn and i'm so excited to get back into writing <3
secondly!! if you've been following me for a while you'll know that i'm in a collab with my dear friend mars @onlymingyus called the king's gambit, and after a long break we've finally started working on it again!! it's by far my longest fic and i am so so excited to finish this collab that's been almost 2 years in the making. we are planning on making a new masterlist and taglist soon so please keep an eye out for that, and feel free to send asks if there's more you want to know! there is no release date yet as we're not finished writing but we appreciate your patience so much and i promise we are going to get it out soon!!
my wips (including tkg) are updated here :)
#[đ] â june.txt#sorry i disappeared for a little bit i had to lock in đ#tkg is gonna be my magnum opus yall im so serious#once my main fic is posted im gonna do some drabbles and bonus content bc i cant let this fic go#its been marinating in my brain for literal centuries i have so many ideas#i have a playlist and a pinterest board and an ig acc dedicated to this fic. junkissed is a landlord and tkg cheol lives here rent free#if youre new here and havent heard of this project - the masterlist and my teaser are linked on my mlist! but nothing has been posted yet#you can also read mars' teasers (she has multiple!) and bonus content on her patreon but hers isnt finished yet either#im yapping so much about this fic that isnt even done yet but i cant explain how excited i am to finally have time to work on this fic#its like my child i love it so much
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babe wake up a new Venti-coded song just droppped
âIâm as sober as a drunk.
Iâm as high as rock bottom.
Free as a man with his hands handcuffed to the bar.â
#weâre gonna ignore the fact that this song released in 2020 okay. itâs new(ish) to Me and i want an excuse to post about Venti#venti#genshin impact#venti genshin impact#genshin impact venti#venti gi#music stuff#Sevenâs Blorbo Songs#Spotify#weâre also gonna ignore that the majority of the song is relationship/breakup focused#the three lines i quoted up there are so Venticore to me that the rest is inconsequential#but if ur deranged enough like me then im sure thereâs a way to interpret the other lyrics to be about Nameless Bard#if ur in the mood for some Extra angst yâknow#actually the more i think about it. thatâs actually a very fitting way to interpret the other lines!#like. instead of trying to drown the memory of some ex heâs drinking to cope with the loss of his best friend :)))#or if u wanna interpret them as having been something more than friends then this works too. i like to think wisp Venti had a crush on N.B.#OR given that lots of ppl headcanon Venti and Zhongli to be exes you could Also interpret it as being about him! many options here actually#maniacal laughter#i love angst so much#anyways. go listen or read the lyrics and tell me if iâm wrong but. this is Venticore to me#like not to play into the done-to-death Alcoholic Venti trope but. while thatâs not Everything he is itâs still part of him#and i think thereâs something to the whole concept of the God of Freedom being chained down by addiction. yâknow?#anyways *adds yet another self-indulgent country song to my Venti playlist*#thereâs a reason itâs been sitting at 13 followers for like. two years. (bc i wonât stop adding my niche songs that make sense to no one)#but then again thatâs 90% of my playlists anyway lmao#iâve had Venti on the brain a lot lately since i started writing a new oneshot that has once again turned into a full-blown songfic#and given that it feels like something is trying to claw its way out of my uterus rn and i actually have a free evening to rest#methinks iâll curl up in bed and finish writing that fic so i can finally share it with the world#and it will probably flop as hard as my last Venti fic did but thatâs okay bc i do this out of love for Venti and nothing can stop me đ¤#anyway that fic isnât directly related to This song but i do explore Alcoholism Themes in the fic bc of course i do
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it's weird how "things i care about" and "things i blog about" are overlapping but very distinct circles. like yeah i care obsessively about the ulster cycle and also blog about it constantly but there are so many things in my life that i care about that i just..... don't post about. so many books i enjoy that i have nothing to say other than maybe sometimes reblogging a post about them when it comes my way. so many things that i'm secretly feral about but do it all inside my own head
#especially the more obscure shit bc there isn't a lot of point going off on some long character meta if nobody knows what i'm talking about?#i'd rather do it in a group chat with like. two friends who've read the book#also with new publications there's the fear of spoilers and things so i can't yell about character deaths as much#except when in an existing fandom space where it's common knowledge#whereas with medieval literature i think it's fair game. spoilers aren't really a thing in 1000-year-old stories#especially when they're called shit like 'the violent death of [name]'#personal#i should write fic of more obscure things though#dipping my toe in the water writing fic of my friends' books so i know i have a solid grasp of THEIR feelings about the book#gonna work my way steadily through the group chat perhaps#but maybe one day i'll write fic of something modern where i've never met the author. le gasp
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Ok I'm going to start rereading ITNL today
This is part of my journey for continuing my great big beast of a project
#speculation nation#itnl shit#ITNL READERS REJOICE!!!!!!! i am taking steps to prepare myself for the experience once again.#now as for when this will actually lead to a chapter posted. um uh. uhm.#depends entirely on how my brain latches onto it and also fucking school. Fucking School.#if it werent for my exams and giant presentation etc etc ykno it'd be pretty alright actually#realistically speaking i probably wont be able to really get to writing for at least another week or so#buuuUuUuUuUUt the GOOD news is that the writing i Do have impending. will be rather exciting for me.#so i have a feeling that 20-22 are going to be written in relatively short succession.#big moments of the fic and all that. ya kno.#But First i must reread the fic. to remind myself of everything that has happened. and to get back into the headspace of itnl vash.#my wonderful guy. hes so frustrating. i love him. hes not going to be doing what Anyone wants him to and thats so fair of him.#anyways uhmmmm if ur excited for this id love to hear about it for writer's encouragement etc etc.#even if it's just a like on my posts about it lol.#getting caught up in my head about it again. ya kno. would love some cheering on if anyone's up for it.#gonna prep some lunch then get to reading WAHOOOO
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I am so sorry to anyone who followed us for funny crackfic. Still absolutely lost in the sauce of the most wild angst fic I have ever imagined.
#âwouldn't it be fun to make a timeline of four's initial journeysâ he said#âa simple little timeline fic. point a to point b. just for clarity.â#NO#10k and counting#still not half done#some WILD character dev is happening#it's to Green again mostly i'm sorry#but Vio is getting a chance to be classically Vio fucked up too#i don't know what the word is for what's going on with Blue here but the fact that 'woobie' almost applies is#well it's new for him! definitely that!#red. hello âvoice of reasonâ red.#don't worry i will go back to normal once the monster fic is complete#like with Splitting My Temples and Scattered to the Four Winds#Sung of Crimson & Sunset is going to come out before this one i promise#and i'm gonna work on some actual crack in shorter fics#but...#man i'm vying to drop the dollhouse scene without context#if anyone reads this deep into the tags go ahead and ask in the notes and i will deliver
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okeydoke as I have not had much energy for working on stuff lately (but lots of motivation) I'm not gonna do proper NaNo with a wordcount or anything, BUT I am gonna make it a goal to get some amount of work done on a writing project every day (at least until I go away on the 24th). Main priority blaseball projects are, in no particular order:
Fic about the ending
Abner fic
Simon's Quest
secret fic(s) :)
get the Talkers exchange set up
Aside from that, I've been poking at more non-blaseball stuff, which is a good excuse for me to plug my writing blog @cyndakip! All my fics get posted there, so if you're interested in my writing beyond just blaseball (especially if you like pokemon), I recommend following me there, since I don't post non-blaseball fics here.
#I'm in a weird place rn where the end of blb is coinciding with me finally feeling ready to get back to nuzlockes#and I very much want to keep writing blb fics! it's just complicated by me getting smacked over the head with pokemon motivation#and separate from that I think it's just been hard for me to work on blb fics knowing that it's over#writing the ending fic in particular means confronting that. and I definitely haven't fully processed it yet and idk when I will#I really truly do want to keep writing blb fics for a long time but I worry there will be not much of an audience anymore#and I know that doesn't matter. I'm gonna write what I want and I know some people will still read it. but yknow. it's rough#also my relationship with pokemon and the nuzlocke community has been really fucking complicated these past few years#to the point where I stopped engaging altogether bc it was stressing me out too much and I had lost all confidence in my writing#this happened to be right before I got into blb. which came along at the perfect time and gave me the community & confidence boost I needed#now it kinda feels like we've come full circle. blb has changed me and now I'm ready to go back with a whole new attitude#I just don't want these two things to be mutually exclusive! I want both! but that's easier said than done#especially bc I haven't had enough energy to work on much of either lately! I want to say things are getting better on that front but#it's complicated. you know how it is with human bodies. treacherous things#the thing is I don't want to waste this. I feel ready for pokemon again and god I missed it and I'm gonna ride this wave of motivation#if I had more energy this would be less of a problem. ah well#gonna get all this done sooner or later#talking moistly
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@beannary I FINALLY GOT ITâźď¸âźď¸âźď¸
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The sleeve with âRAI?â on it is everything to me
Makes me feel like weâre seeing each other for the first time in 12 years and the comic is asking my name to ensure itâs really me
#gonna go be autistic cause reading this reignited my ROTTMNT brainrot#donât wait up for me#I have so much I have to get done but like#the rise boys have me trapped in hyperfixation hell again#I say that like I ever left hyperfixation hell#itâs more like I stopped drawing them because I was working on reticent most of the time#but they still consumed my thoughts way more than they shouldâve#and Iâm still checking AO3 constantly for new fics and fic updatesâŚ#and also getting excited whenever thereâs anything new related to saving the show#this is your remainder to stream ROTTMNTâźď¸âźď¸âźď¸#save rottmnt#please#it would be pretty cool if you did#might watch some whilst drawing today#sorry 2012 I will finish you soon I promise#I am so sorry for the tag ramble it will happen again
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Every time I see a post making fun of people being afraid to get into comics I think about how when I was first getting into comics I thought it would be fun to read Infinite Crisis because it was a HUGE event and it would give me an idea of what a whole slew of runs and characters were like. I made a post about some panel pretty early into the event (I think it was a build up comic that wasn't even officially part of the Road To Infinite Crisis so EARLY early) and some blog I didn't know made fun of me for not knowing the greater context of the panel I was commenting on. And while I was naively typing up a quick little 'ah sorry I'm new to comics and didn't know that. Thanks for the context!' they had gone through my blog and started doing the same for a bunch of other comics I'd read, and then mocked me for reading IC when I clearly new so little about comics.
Now, obviously, that behavior is ridiculous, and I just blocked them, but it did stick with me. It was one of my earliest interactions with comic fandom and I never forgot it. Most of the people I've intereacted with have been lovely. Even when I have gotten comic cannon wrong corrections are normally very kind. But not all of them are, and the ones who aren't are so vocal about it.
So i actually don't think it's the comics themselves that make getting into comics an unappealing prospect.
#Think about how people have to defend their newness to comics when asking for clarification.#'Help I'm new to coimcs' you shouldn't have to defend that to get an answer actually#I think the people who act like you NEED to be an expert on a character before saying you're a fan are just wrong to be clear#I can be a fan of a character without having read every issue their in ever#You can write a fanfic for a character without knowing their entire history if you want. It's fanfic. The actual authors dont bother#And sometimes you just gotta remind yourself of that#Reading a fan comic with a scenerio that would never happen in canon isn't a sin if it's fun for the people involved.#I've said before that I really like post resurrection fics that focus on Jason and Bruce's relationship because it lets me live vicariously#through jason in having parents who accept me for who i am despite our differences and still loving me#That's pretty explicitly not the relationship they have in cannon and thats fine#I can still look at their relationship and go 'oh damn this has some ingredients to make this scenrio really emotionally satisfying'#Like yeah yeah the concept that comics themselves are gate kept is a little ridiculous when reading comics online is so easy#but how many times have you had a negative experience in a real comic shop#because I know that i have!#How many times have you seen a blog get aggresive about someone being perceived as a non comic reader like thats a slur#I love comics. Obviously because I run ablog where i talk about them all the time.#but I'm not gonna dox someone who only watches the movies or the shows#there are forms of media where I've only consumed the adaptations#So when people say 'you're gate keeping comcis' REALLY think about how you talk about people who haven't read many comics#Becauase as far as I'm concerned if you constantly treat people like shit unless their in your little pre approved circle of#'Actual Comic Readers' then yeah you are gate keeping comics and its fucking weird#mine#No way in hell I'm tagging this as anything lmfaooo#sorry for the rant in the tags I have many feelings about this#not me going off in the tags
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yea sure ok everything sucks but I just made myself a little lunch for tomorrow in my little bento box sooo⌠checkmate
#it doesnât fit in my PokĂŠmon lunchbox tho so thatâs kind of my 13th reason#Iâm joshing you#my sodie wouldnât have also fit so I wouldâve been exceeding lunchbox capabilities anyway#I included lil chocolates and some cookies because I am a good boy who deserves treats#brain worms have been so bad today I am rlly proud of myself for packing my lunch#Now letâs hope I remember it tombow#tomorrow#even if I donât I have an hour lunch so I have time to come back and get it :)#brain still go bleh but I think Iâm gonna put a deposit down on my next tattoo#I need something to look forward to and itâs a lil âcongrats on ur new jobâ @ myself#any my aunt sent me money for new work clothes but my mom ordered me new work shirts thatâll be here tomorrow soooâŚâŚ#thanks for covering the deposit u ableist bitch <3#anyway I am ranbling itâs the brain worms#BUT I had an idea for a space au fic for two of my favorite existing ocs <3#my little gay babies I love them#if u read this far I am giving a big hug#camsmusings
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Iâm beginning to think my personal high standards for myself are the enemyâŚ
#ra speaks#personal#*head in hands* being a person is heard. gonna go drive for three hours late at night to see if I feel better.#itâs a combo of trying something new (writing in present tense which I prefer to read but hate to write for some reason)#and sharing results Iâm not satisfied with (rewrote that bitch four times and still not happy w how it turned out)#but it was well received inspite of its imperfections so ÂŻ\ _(ă)_/ÂŻ#ik ik itâs just the imposter syndrome kicking up again and as much as I try not to let it show thru#I get worried that worrying abt it stresses other ppl out bc they feel compelled to comfort me out of pity instead of#interacting w what I make free of my influence#*shaking myself by the shoulders* I understand that you value your work based on your personal satisfaction w it#which is why you have like 50k+ word fics with like. two comments bc you are your own target audience#so you donât care if other people like what you made so long as you like it#but as it turns out being dissatisfied with something you make does not disqualify it from having value for others
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what are ur thoughts on the winners room trope?
ooooo okay surface level analysis: i like winnerâs room fics :)
etwas tieferes: i think itâs cool that itâs (afaik) unique to hockey fandom and i enjoy the way it integrates a lot of unspoken rules in hockey with desire/makes them a physical/tangible reality⌠also the narrative potentials/world-building it opens up can be fun because thereâs not really a set of rules for the âwinnerâs roomâ trope. are there in-universe rules? who gets chosen? whoâs exempt? who gets to pick? whereâs it going down? is it the entire room or one guy? what if your (ex)boyfriend is on another team? does somebody need to be taught a lesson or do you need to remind someone who got traded you still love them? also, most important, winnerâs room gives you the chance to put two random-ass guys you saw interact for 0.002 seconds and went âhmmm. interestingâ about into a Situation and i love that
#yeah buddy!! i love answering questions!!! unironically i have so many opinions!!!!#refraining from putting this in the main text but had to go: yeah who doesnât love a good g*ngb*ng#it also doesnât just have to be a bunch of dudes fucking though per always: i think winnerâs room fics can bring up interesting dialogues#about the idea of bodily autonomy and self-sacrifice or sacrifice in sports#every fic can utilize a trope their own way so you might have lighter versions or heavier versions and#tw: sa#dub-con/CNC elements which. given the truth of SA and abuse in hockey itâs valuable to have tools to explore and i feel like i need to#address that when i talk about this? obvi dead dove do not eat for some fics re:winnerâs room but i think a lot of them do talk about#control and power to some extent if you were to do a deep literary analysis. which we donât need to. sometimes itâs enough to read a fic one#time because you liked the main pairing and didnât know SHIT about the flyers and then come back to it years later and absolutely lose your#goddamn mind about the fact that actually you DID know about travis konecny before you thought you did and at one point there were all these#guys that you now know and love who were just like. random fuckers in the sides of the fic. i tend to do that a lot bc i will read for#nearly everything (if i love u. i will read your works even if i donât know anything about the fandom and also i am always willing to jump#on new ships) so also tangentially i think winnerâs room fics are a lot of fun because you can see a lot of different interactions between a#lot of guys like not only is it this guy and this guy but also this guy and that guy and these two interacting around the sacrifice etc etc#tangled web many layers und so weiter. not sure if any of that makes sense but also iâm gonna tag for mentions of sa/wjc/hockey canada stuff#i donât even really know if winnerâs room functions as well even in other sports bc of the Team Identity in hockey & cultural context#liv in the replies#winnerâs room can be layered with SO many other kinks and tropes and aus and also just like. i like it & thatâs probably all i needed to say#also obvi re: rules for trope there arenât ever any thereâs just some popular variations and we can kinda see some of those forming#but iâm not even sure if winnerâs room has its own tag on the archive? iâd have to check i know i have a few saved in my bookmarks at least#OH also if you made it this far. wasnât sure if this was like a âdo u got recsâ or a âwhatâs your moral stanceâ or âhey is this something ur#intoâ so. good faith good vibes yâall and if this wasnât what u meant please elaborate the question i do love answering things#ty for the ask!!!!#for the record i do watch hockey like the leonardo dicaprio pointing meme finding milliseconds of interaction to go HAHA GAY NARRATIVE about
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Lying in bed crying about Alfred's fucked up identity situation
#usually im like. Understandable But Still Yuck about his Samah Apologisms in the epilogue#but i read a quite good Luke Grappling With Vader fic and while not directly applying it did make me think#about how much i feel it's because of how Alfred still measures himself compared to Samah#in a fucked up way.#and how so much of his Issues- this is about the serpent mage emotional abuse but also In General i think he definitely#has some childhood baggage that the whole Last Sartab This Is All On You thing only. Enhanced into the complete. emotional ruin we meet#but all of that. All Of That is about Inadequacy it's about not being Enough in a society that justified it's crimes by its perfection#and then he detaches himself from that and chooses to align himself with the patryn. and.#you know. like. the sartan goverment did do awful things and v much everyone is complicit in privilege ways#but People Are People is the point of the series but the point of the series is also it takes time to drill that point in and this kind of#trauma and hesitance of the oppressed group is v reasonable and worth respecring in some ways.#you know realisticlly he's gonna have to smile politely while people accept his existence as An Outlier To The Still Ancient Enemy cuz#'you aren't really... (vauge handwave at all his stuff) A Real Sartan' and he isn't going to DEFEND HIS EMOTIONAL CONNECTION TO SARTANESS#TO A BUNCH OF LABYRINTH DWELLERS HE'S BARELY GONNA SEE AGAIN.#like even if he wasn't World's Most Confrontation Averse- who would do that#so he's just. yknow. forced to qgain internalize in a way this basic fear or belief he has#and even if he can now build himself a self worth that isn't tied to being A Good Sartan- and he can and he will-#that's still tearing something away so much from a new direction?#AND DON'T GET ME STARTED HOW THIS. LITERALLY CONNECTS WITH HAPLOS CORE CHARACTER CONCEPT#MAN WHO SHREDS HIMSELF TO BITS TO BE WHAT HIS SOCIETY WANTS A PATRYN MAN TO BE AND NOTHING MORE#AND. (gender redacted) who CAN'T. who is too much of all the wrong things but too little of the right ones-#actually no that's the goddamn serpent mage he IS a sartan ideal but#he isn't Granted that.#idk. he's just. his home is a person because they are literally so woven together into one story#but also. haplo very much gets his own community still belonging in and his love interest and. and Alfred just kind of has this.#both worlds and neither situation.#& hes disabled and effeminate and His People are gone and his people are right across the street and may or may not be inventing new slurs#for him.#OH AND HE GETS A GOOD PERFECT USEFUL BODY HE ISN'T SUPPOSED TO OVERUSE OR GET ADDICTED TO THE SOCIAL ACCEPTANCE OF.#just. how do you expect him to believe Samah was wrong about him if everyone agrees- he just Can't Be Enough?
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THEY ALREADY KNOW
I will take that money now, please and thank you
If you got enough money to live happily and comfortably for the rest of your life, but everyone who saw you immediately knew what fandom you are in and understood what that means, would you take it?
#Look I get that some people are embarrassed or ashamed of their fandom interests#But that feels like a them thing#I have BTS stuff all over my desk at work#Every time I get a new obsession my friends hear about the newest fics I read#I suggest shows and books and music to my family members all the time#My landlord has been in my apartment covered in fan art IN THE FRONT ROOM#Strangers on the bus can see all the nerdy pins on my bag#Everyone ALREADY KNOWS because I CANNOT KEEP MY MOUTH SHUT#y'all can go feel shame if you want#I'm gonna die surrounded by all my interests with no regrets and a fuckton of personal satisfaction
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I have spent the last two days either passed the fuck out in bed or half passed out on the couch while watching my silly little korean league teams fight
we're currently going for half passed out sitting at the desk but gang I'm not gonna lie, it feels dire right now
#LCK truly being the only thing keeping me going and that was like 90% because T1 was playing#but now they're on break for Lunar New Year#also my niece and nephew made me contemplated murder yesterday#so I was woken up abruptly and very loudly and then kept awake for 5 more hours#I could not tell you how I have passed the last 8 hours only that they have certainly passed#I think... I think I worked on the fic? not well mind you but words are words#I'm... I'm gonna risk coffee and try to do some reading because I certainly missed at least one treat of an upload#but I fear I shall collapse in bed soon either way#the brain fog is intense and overpowering and I am still So Tired#also fuck man I wish I had an appetite I have barely eaten I should be hungrier
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sometimes i like to go back to my bookmarks from a few years ago because i've completely forgotten everything i've ever read but i already know i'll enjoy it
#eef speaks#gonna do that with some buddie fics i think <3#also some lucifer fics probably because there is not much going on there for me#i've read everything i've wanted out of that fandom#i check every few months to see if there's a new fic for me.... usually there isn't
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