#gonna be putting $15 worth of effort in.

[swagging-back-to]

i was just about to go ask for a raise when she (my boss) came over and told me shes probably going to demote me to 15/hour because i was "accidentally" getting paid the summer hourly rate. so im going to be quitting as soon as i get another job offer

[babe-a-yaga]

What was done to Isseya is one of my personal biggest upsets with this game. I loved her in Last Flight. She's a genuinely interesting, complex character, and given the themes of mistakes and regret present through Veilguard, it makes TOTAL sense for her to make an appearance! What makes no sense at all is for her to be reduced to a two dimensional villain with no clear motivation who's just...doing exactly the thing she fucked up in life? Except worse? I'm gonna summarize the events of last flight for the folks who haven't read it;

The first griffin Isseya put through the joining was already blighted in battle, and dying from it. Quickly. Griffins are extra sensitive to the Blight and any attempts made to join them resulted in the animals going berserk and tearing themselves, and anyone else in range, to pieces to get away from what was now in their veins.

In a well meaning, but misguided effort to save one of the animals she loved, she used blood magic to alter the griffon's mind, to convince it the Blight in it's system was just a regular cold, and it didn't need to fight it, then put it through the joining.

It worked, but it changed the griffon. Made it stronger, fight harder. More difficult to handle. The griffon ultimately went out in a spectacular blaze of glory, and people didn't know what she did, just that she did SOMETHING, and that griffon did ten griffons worth of damage on it's way out.

The fourth blight was far worse, far longer than any of the blights we have witnessed first hand. I think it lasted like 15 years? And it was going badly for Thedas. They ordered Isseya to do what she had done to the first griffon again as a last ditch to stand a chance at I *think* Starkhaven (it's been a little bit since I read last flight, so I'm sketchy on dates and what battles were fought specifically when). She hated doing this, but it was orders, and it was exploit this handful of griffons or watch the world die. She's a warden, she signed up to stop the blight at any cost. In war, victory. In death, sacrifice.

By the time her brother Garahel slays Andoral, she's had to blight a number of griffons, and the constant blood magic use has massively accelerated the blight in her own body. Her brother garahel is this golden haired pretty boy beloved by everyone who looks upon him, and Isseya looks so much like a ghoul at this point people are uncomfortable being in the same room as her. Even though this is completely due to her service to the wardens.

Then, the remaining joined griffons start going mad. And then it starts to spread to the other, non-joined griffons. In using blood magic to convince the griffons the blight was just a disease, she had caused it to become one. A contagious one.

It's one of the most interesting examples of how dangerous blood magic actually is we ever see. We're just told over and over "blood magic bad, slippery slope to killing people. Bad. Even if you use your own." And we never really see explicitly why it's an inherently dangerous form of magic until this.

Back to Isseya though. Garahel's lover's Griffon had a clutch of eggs sired by Garahel's Crookytail. Isseya, knowing there was no stopping what was now in motion with the griffons, set out to do her one last act of penance. She took, and purified those eggs, hid them in a ward that kept them in stasis, so that they might only hatch once the griffons were gone, and this disease had died with them, so they might have a chance. And then she hid the clues to their location, and begged that whoever find them not let them be used by the wardens again.

And then she went on her calling.

These are not the actions of a villain. Isseya EMBODIES the warden principal of sacrifice. But it isn't glorious battle rewarded by a quick death alongside an archdemon for her. It's death by inches, by blight, knowingly and willingly accelerated in her own body to stop it from consuming the world. Sacrificing her ideals, the animals she loves, her brother, Garahel. Isseya gives it all for the wardens, to end the blight, and is not thanked for it or remembered kindly.

And she did everything she could to seed the slightest bit of hope, that both in spite of her and because of her, griffons might return to the world, as free creatures.

Her Veilguard arc feels like really egregious character assassination, and I wish she had been given an ounce of the sympathy that other characters had been given. It made sense for her to be here, thematically, mistakes and regret, and good intentions still leading to bad ends, but she deserved the same opportunity for forgiveness and/or redemption that Solas, Mythal, Cyrian, even Illario got.

Isseya was done dirty by Veilguard.

[the-conversation-pod]

Summer 2024 Lagniappe (A Minisode)

AND WE'RE BACK!

Summer didn’t give us a lot to say, but we ALWAYS got something to say. Ben, NiNi and Shan talk a highlight of the season, Twig reports from the field, and we award summer’s Girl Who Tried.

Timestamps

The timestamps will now correspond with chapters on Spotify for easier navigation.

00:00:00 - Welcome 00:01:15 - Introduction 00:02:21 - Twig’s Dispatch 00:14:24 - Spotlight: Tadaima, Okaeri 00:20:34 - Girl, You Tried 00:27:08 - Celebrating 50 Episodes

The Conversation Transcripts!

Thanks to the continued efforts of @lurkingshan as an editor and proofreader, we are able to bring you transcripts of the episodes.

We will endeavor to make the transcripts available when the episodes launch, and it is our goal to make them available for past episodes (Coming soon thanks to @wen-kexing-apologist). When transcripts are available, we will attach them to the episode post (like this one) and put the transcript behind a Read More cut to cut down on scrolling.

Please send our volunteers your thanks!

00:00:00 - Welcome

NiNi

Welcome to The Conversation About BL, aka The Brown Liquor Podcast.

Ben

And there it is. I’m Ben.

NiNi

I’m NiNi.

Ben

And we’re you’re drunk Caribbean uncle and auntie here sitting on the porch in the rocking chairs.

NiNi

Four times a year we pop in to talk about what’s going on in the BL world.

Ben

We shoot the shit about stories and all the drama going into them. I review from a queer media lens.

NiNi

And I review from a romance and drama lens.

Ben

So if you like cracked-out takes and really intense emotional analysis…

NiNi

If you like talking about artistry, industry, and the discourse…

Ben

And if you generally just love simping…

NiNi

There is a lot of simping on this podcast…

Ben

We are the show for you!

00:01:15 Introduction and Summer Season Recap

Ben

And we're back. We have reached the end of the summer season. It is hot as hell and hurricane season is active, but we at least still have our shows to watch.

Shan

Wow, what a way to set the mood.

NiNi

That is [laughs] one way to start, for sure. [NiNi and Shan laugh]

Ben

Girl, I’m stressed! [laughs]

NiNi

I feel you. I feel you. I feel you. We are here. The summer has been… it's been a lot. 

Let's just dive right into what we came here to discuss. Shan is here. Say hi, Shan. 

Shan

Hi! 

NiNi

We're going to talk a few things that we didn't talk through this season. Twig’s gonna come in and leave us her dispatch, and then we're gonna round it up and award the Girl, You Tried. There are a lot of girls who tried this season. [laughs]

00:02:20 Twig’s Dispatch

DISPATCH! Thank you for having me back. [music]

While folks were lamenting having nothing to watch this quarter, I was as busy as ever!

In the skip section: Sadly, Korea really dominated this category last season, starting with Blossom Campus. Honestly, this was the biggest disappointment this season for me. This was my–the Korean independent team Strongberry, who I normally love—they released a full length Kdrama that, I don’t understand how it went so wrong. The story is about a university transfer student who works at the library and ends up in a few interactions with a taekwondo major and they fall for each other. It was boring, the story didn’t really flow, the chemistry was flat.The only good thing I can say for it is that when they do kiss, they kiss well. But it was not worth watching to get there.This was the least queer Strongberry has ever felt, and to add insult to injury it ends on a cliffhanger. This is a pass from me, friends. 

Love is Like a Cat. Mew of the newly public MewTul relationship stars in this hybrid Thai/Korean production that did not manage to retain the good qualities of either country. It is bad. And not even in a fun way. The premise is a famous Thai actor is blackmailed into doing a Korean reality series in which he has to work in a dog cafe, despite being afraid of dogs. That sounds like it would be cute and fun, and somehow it was neither. Poor acting, cinematography, chemistry, story, everything was mid. Also, content warning for animal death—way to alienate your target audience. 

Gray Shelter was a Korean short series that barely felt like BL? Honestly, it was trying to walk a trauma narrative and BL line and I don’t think it did that successfully. The romance felt rushed and the trauma part felt like it was being sad for the sake of sad rather than having anything to actually say about trauma. Also had another cliffhanger ending. Not my fav.

Moving away from Korea, Lady Boy Friends is a show that has a high barrier to enjoyment, so judge for yourself. It’s a remake from 2015 and the premise is an ensemble show in an all boys high school in which a good percentage of the cast are actually trans girls in an all boys school. There is a lot of infighting amongst the trans women, they are extremely catty and mean and clique-y to each other. That part I honestly found kind of fun, and I did enjoy them banding together against a common enemy. Unfortunately that common enemy is another trans girl who is looked down on for transitioning “late” which calls her authenticity into question. This show also has sexual assault played as comedy which is honestly the main reason why it’s in this section; there was also a gay couple who got the bulk of the focus in the last few episodes, and while that storyline will likely be the most appealing to this audience, I didn’t particularly like that the trans characters got short shrift in their own show, so. I didn’t fully love it.

Kiseki Chapter 2. This was a production by 9NAA. They have a history of not paying and exploiting their actors, and they’ve done it too many times, so I didn’t watch this one. Pay your actors and hire intimacy coaches and then I’ll talk about your shows. 

The last one in this section is actually a GL Thai channel that I wanted to shout out. It’s just not to my taste, but I don’t like gatekeeping GL ‘cause there’s so little of it and it’s so hard to find. So, if you’re a fan of the melodrama and older, toxic relationship type tropes, give these guys a try. Last quarter they put out “Friend with Benefits the series” and “Sea [as in S-E-A] you soon”, and my favorite of the three was “You Are My Star the series” which I enjoyed because it retread a lot of BL tropes so I watched it and played, sort of, spot the BL parallels. JPC Media Channel on YouTube.

Now onto the shows that you might actually want to consider. There were a few genre BLs this season that were varying degrees of hit or miss so I’ve grouped them together. I love genre stories, so I don’t want to be too harsh on shows that push the boundaries of the BL genre, but all of these had at least one fatal flaw that makes me not able to recommend them without caveats.

Memory in the Letter is a Thai BL sci-fi/fantasy in which a student falls in love with a stranger in the mirror. This is a short series that had real high highs and low lows for me, including some of the best chemistry across a pane of glass I’ve ever seen. But also, the ending was so poorly handled that I had to call poor Ben to watch with me just so that I’d have someone to share my psychic damage with. Without spoiling anything, this show involves an age gap with actors not age-appropriately cast to hide the fact that the age gap is so large? It also doesn’t treat the age gap seriously or engage with the very serious problems that it raises in its own plot, and I found that very frustrating. So. Make your own choices on that one. 

1000 Years Old the series. This show is a Thai vampire show that spends the first three quarters being an extremely low stakes series in which a vampire owns a pork blood soup stand and a glorious umbrella collection, and is in love with a man obsessed with searching for alien life. It is exactly as silly as it sounds. But then the last few episodes everything turns into intense melodrama, and I’m going to spoil this because I don’t know how not to: We find out that the vampire stays friendly with another vampire who murdered his human lover across multiple lifetimes. I was vibing and then I was really not. 

Two Worlds is another Thai series, and a MaxNat vehicle. The premise of this one is as it says on the tin: There are two parallel universes connected by a glowing body of water. Our protagonist loses his love interest and travels to the parallel universe accidentally while grieving, to realize he has the chance to save his boyfriend’s doppelganger in this new world. While he does that, he finds himself falling for someone else instead. This series is a relatively slow burn show. Whoever made this show, they did the most bewilderingly good job of undercutting every dramatic moment so that it had no stakes or impact that I’ve ever seen. This show was almost impressively boring considering how much was happening at any given moment. I liked that it seemed to be saying people weren’t interchangeable, but then in the end the show undermined its own message. Watching this show was informative for learning about pacing and how narrative tension works or doesn’t in shows. 

Last in this section is The Spirealm. This is a chinese danmei adaptation that we almost didn’t get because of censorship; it was heavily adapted so that rather than magic, the core of the unnatural happenings are a Virtual Reality video game in which our leads have to puzzle through dangerous mysteries to figure out the secrets of each level. It’s fun in an “oh this does feel like a video game” kinda way, and I enjoyed puzzling through the mysteries alongside the leads. But the mysteries drag on too long and they’re repetitive, and the ending of the book is actually really undermined from the adaptation choices. Also, if you’re watching for romance subtext, this is a VERY tame story even for censored cdrama. They barely touch, the shipping moments are few and far between in a long series. So, be forewarned.

Moving away from the supernatural and back to more standard QL fare, A Secretly Love. This felt like a very old-school Thai series, a feeling that was helped by the horrifically bad subtitles; about an engineering student who has been in love with this senior for years and watched him fail miserably at romance over and over. This heavily relies on the viewer enjoying the lead pining over someone who treats him badly for most of the series. So, in order to enjoy this, you have to find someone showing affection by being grumpy, rude, jealous, and demanding cute. No judgment, just giving you the information you need to no. Worth watching if you’re nostalgic for 2020s Thai BL. 

Please Teach Me This is a vertical-format microseries from Korea about an aspiring idol trying to attend college that you have to grind through ads in order to watch. Honestly the series was fine, very middle-of-the-road KBL, but the microseries format and the barriers to watching make it not worth sitting through, in my opinion. 

Blank the Series is a Thai GL is in the same universe as GAP, so if you miss Sam and Mon the characters, they do appear, though portrayed by different actresses. The main couple in this story have a 16-year age gap and the romance starts when the younger one is in high school, though due to plot reasons she’s of age. I know that’s a barrier for some, so I wanted to mention it off the jump, especially because she acts young. That’s the part that I actually struggled with most. This story is very lakorn-like in terms of it being very high melodrama; it also, especially in part two, gets quite sexy. The height difference is also really something. It’s in two parts and both are complete, it does have a happy ending with a cute timeskip. So, you know, manage yourselves on that one.

Jazz For Two. High school Korean music BL in which the main couple really fell flat for me and the side couple were a bully-turned-love-interest that I also really did not enjoy. This show tried to incorporate internalized homophobia as part of its main storyline but didn’t engage with characters overcoming it, so everyone feels kind of like they suddenly switch from being in a drama to a romance and it was both jarring and honestly, a little offensive. Trigger warnings are also important for this one, so take care of yourselves if you’re deciding to watch it.

Boys Be Brave. Another KBL in which a man who can’t say no tries to get the person with a crush on him to ask him out, to no avail. This felt like it was trying to be a manic pixie dream boy meets an autistic-coded grump, but they didn’t quite calibrate either of those characters right. The side couple also ended up landing kind of badly in terms of class politics. But it was pretty, and they were cute. I actually had fun with this one despite everything I just said. 

Deep Night is a Thai BL in which the son of a club owner is against the host/club business model until he falls for one of his mother’s hosts. He decides to start working there to get closer to him. You might imagine that a setup like that would involve class and power politics, but you would be wrong! That being said, this show has a lot to recommend it: The main couple has great chemistry and the side couple is a canonical throuple, and there is another side couple of older sapphics to enjoy, as well. It is also very prettily shot. 

Lastly, Close Friend 3: Soju Bomb is a beautifully shot and cute friendship drama, another Thai/Korean joint series this time about Thai boys in a Korean band who go on a bender in Korea after their contract is canceled. Honestly, my only caveat about this show is that it is absolutely not a BL. There isn’t a romance subplot at all in this show. I spent the entire time it aired so confused waiting for the romance to appear! It does not. If it hadn’t been advertised as Close Friend 3–a series which was previously all BL shorts–I would have enjoyed this for what it was. As it stands, I hold a grudge for being misled. Go in knowing what you’re getting and you’ll be fine. 

Finally, let’s get to the shows that you might have missed that I actually recommend. To Be Continued, a Thai second chance romance of a famous person and a doctor who were friends when they were in high school. This one tells a lot of the story in flashbacks that are poorly paced at the beginning, so the start of the show really drags. But the reveal for why they broke up was satisfying. The pacing is the barrier in this one–if you can power through the first few episodes it ends up being a good little show. They have great chemistry, the story holds together, and I had fun.

Gym Affairs is an absolutely bonkers but cute mainland China BL in which a guy gets a personal trainer and sparks fly. This show is a silly comedy that is also surprisingly earnest. It goes by extremely fast and I really enjoyed the ride. That one’s on YouTube.

Blue Boys/Lonely Girl. SUKFilm is a Korean YouTube channel putting out short series. Blue Boys was a little disappointing, the couple had too many issues that they cycled through so fast.  The GL though, Lonely Girl, was much more focused with a single main problem between the couple and so it worked much better. And both are really beautifully shot and have some great kisses. 

Fake Buddies is another YouTube miniseries. It’s a 7 episode Korean series about a girl and guy who are dating, ostensibly, but really both using the other as a beard because they’re both in a gay relationship. The first few episodes are very funny comedy as the two of them try to make the other realize what’s happening; and then we get prequel episodes for how the gay couple and the lesbian couple both came to be. It’s a fun use of 45 minutes on the guynextdoor YouTube channel if you’re bored. 

To the X Who Hated Me is a Korean GL produced by Red Q. It’s a series of microseries, there’s two out so far with 2-3 episodes each. They’re both GL and solid short second chance romances that are very fun. 

City of Stars is the last one I’ll be talking about. It’s, in my opinion, the best hidden gem QL from this quarter. A charming celebrity/regular guy romance that tackles shipping, toxic fans, and the unreasonable expectations on people in the spotlight. Acting is a little rough, and it’s not  perfect, but it had some really good things to say and it very smartly sandwiches those things among some pretty good sex scenes. The two leads are my communication kings. And there’s some decent trans side rep as well. This show really uses BL as a vehicle for having something to say and I appreciate it. And the story really holds together in a way that’s a little refreshing in Thai BL, too, so I really liked it.

And that’s the dispatch for this quarter! Thanks again for having me. 

00:14:25 Spotlight: Tadaima Okaeri

Ben

It's time to talk about my favorite show of the season that no one else watched except for Twig. [NiNi laughs] We're going to talk about an animated BL from Japan called Tadaima, Okaeri. It is the best show of the season and I'm begging you, please, to go watch this show. 

Tadaima, Okaeri is a 12 episode BL from Studio Deen that aired on Crunchyroll. Studio Deen is actually fairly important in the BL space. Pretty much all of the BL anime that we're probably going to recommend to you offhand was produced by the studio. In this particular one, they're adapting a manga series about a gay couple in the omegaverse that is trying to raise their kid in the suburbs. Our protagonist's name Fujiyoshi Masaki, that is actually his name, and his husband, Hiromu. Masaki is an omega, his husband is an alpha, and they have a son named Hikari together. He is a little baby and they are living in the burbs away from everybody else because they had a very difficult time getting together. 

The show was not so much about the difficulties these two had getting together, it's about them building a life that they love and are happy with after going through what they did. So, like, this is your favorite leads, married and trying to raise their family now and working on healing some of the relationships that were damaged over the course of them getting together. There's a great deal of healing and growth in this. There's healing between Hiromu and his dad, who was not keen on their romance in the first place. There's the fact that these two guys love each other and love being parents. I am very often amused by how much my dad is still obsessed with my mom. And I really liked seeing that in a gay couple here. It was really restorative in a lot of ways, ‘cause we don't ever really see dads in BL. 

This show was so healing. This was such a peaceful experience of a show to watch. What I like the most out of fluffy shows like this is for there to be a nice arc about what life we’re building for our family and a strong thematic thrust of, we're not trying to get back at anybody who hurt us. We just want our kid to grow up in a world where he—and eventually their daughter too—are loved by the people around them. Each episode was about a specific sort of challenge that the family was facing, and some of them were really huge. Like, how are we going to reconcile with the kids’ grandfather who wants to be part of his grandson's life? Even if it's something as small as, Hikaru is getting older and he wants to run an errand. Okay, we're going to let him deliver a letter to his grandfather to the mailbox, and getting a two year old to deliver something [laughs] successfully to a mailbox was a production unto itself, because he kept getting distracted. 

It was genuinely one of the most delightful and wholesome experiences I have ever had in the genre. I have said for a long time that I've wanted a married gay dads show. I was not expecting it to come from the omegaverse of all places, but this was everything I ever hoped it could be and honestly, so much more. If you can handle omegaverse nonsense, including mpreg and the alpha omega pheromone shit, and rutting behavior. This is one of the best shows I have ever seen.

Shan

Oof. [Ben laughs] You just said so many words that upset me.

Ben

I know. I know!

[all laugh]

NiNi

I was like, “if you can handle” I can handle none of those things. I'm sorry.

Ben

If you're gonna be in genre, you gotta take your shit seriously, and I think that's why it worked. This show was not embarrassed about being an omegaverse show. It's not like [funny voice] we're going to do this in omegaverse because we know the girls will fucking show up for it. It took the conceits of its own genre seriously and incorporated it into the emotional context of their characters. 

And so like I totally get it, mpreg is not easy for a lot of people. The rutting behavior stuff, it's not easy for some people. The way that omegaverse is used to perpetuate some of the heteronormative kinds of misogyny that women face is not for everyone, truly and sincerely. When I say that these are caveats to watching this, I am not being funny. These are real things that are being dealt with in this show, but they're not half-assing it. These are not normally things I enjoy. Tell a good story and take your shit seriously and we can show up for it. And that's what happened for me here. 

So, I wholeheartedly recommend this show, but I do think it's important to not downplay that this is very legitimately an omegaverse story.

Shan

I appreciate that.

Ben

It's a 10, baby! Perfect execution of its own premise, and genuinely, it's the kinda show that was so fun to watch with other people.

Shan

I have been so intrigued by the conversation around this show and I really regret that it has so many of my hard lines in it [laughs[ because I would like to see it. I don't think I'll be able to, but I have heard nothing but praise and love from the people who've watched it.

Ben

I love the show with my whole heart. I do not recommend it at all. [Ben and NiNi laugh] This show had really strong ideas and it wore its whole heart on its sleeves the whole time. Mm mm mm. What an experience. Great show.

00:20:32 Girl, You Tried

Ben

Let's hand out our favorite award on the show: Girl, You Tried.

NiNi

Our nominees this season for a Girl, You Tried are Unknown the series from Taiwan, Love is Better the Second Time Around from Japan, and Living With Him from Japan. Does anybody wanna do propaganda here?

Ben

Ooh…

Shan

Let's start with reminding folks how we think about Girl, You Tried.

Ben

The Girl, You Tried for me is meant to reflect on a production that missed the mark, but we felt like the core work and the intent was there to actually do something good, and for whatever reason stumbled.

Shan

There's different ways that shows can stumble. There are shows that can be very well told and very confident up to a point, and then a mistake is made that is hard to recover from. There are shows that never quite nailed what they were trying to do, but did clearly have aspirations. There are shows that have a solid idea of at least the beginning and endpoints and something in the middle just got messy. So, those are different categories of ways that shows can go sideways. And all of these different ways came up in this season. 

For me, a show like Unknown is not a Girl, You Tried because they actually did succeed at what they were doing for the vast majority of their run. So I wouldn't call that a Girl, You Tried. They made a mistake right at the end—and it was a big mistake—but their level of execution was so good through most of the show that I can't really consider that a Girl, You Tried. 

For our two Japanese BLs here, Love is Better was really solid through about the first four episodes, and then it kind of veered off in a very strange direction that I still don't really understand why that happened. Versus Living With Him had a solid start, had a pretty decent end point that it was trying to get towards, and then got kind of messed up along the way trying to stretch out the story. 

So for me I think I would want to give the Girl, You Tried to Living With Him out of these three, because I do think they had the bones of a good story. They executed parts of it really well. But in their effort to stretch it out into a longer format than the story really supported, they kind of lost track of some of their threads and got a little confused in the way that they landed at the end. So for me that one makes more sense as a Girl, You Tried because I see what they were trying to do. And I think that they just made some execution errors that got in the way.

Ben

An interesting analysis; one I will be pondering. It feels mean to say that Unknown is a Girl, You Tried because they rushed to their sex scene. It ignores how good the family story was around all of that, but I am also torn now if I'm going to choose between Love is Better and Living With Him because I feel like my angst for Living With Him is it doesn't release the implied sexual tension that really irritated me more than anything else, which Love is Better absolutely did. 

Man, this is hard.

Shan

Have we ever had a Girl, You Tried tie?

Ben

We have not.

NiNi

There's usually a fairly clear cut winner once we talk about it, but I think part of the problem is that Love is Better and Living With Him sort of failed in similar ways, so it's hard to choose.

Ben

If I have to choose between the two of them, Love is Better the Second Time Around knew exactly what it was doing and it made very bad choices, and there's a difference between making stupid choices and struggling against something you couldn't do, in my opinion. I will give it to Living With Him because there's so much hang time, it's overly reliant on actor charm to hold itself together, and I do like how well the cast was able to hold this flimsy project together.

I think weaker actors would have made this a more irritating experience than it was, as opposed to just being kind of disappointing. So if I'm backed into a corner and have to choose [Shan laughs], it's going to be Living With Him.

Shan

[laughs] You do. Good job.

NiNi

Oh no, I'm about to throw a spanner in the works because I'm going to go for Love Is Better. [laughs]

Shan

This is very exciting! This is Conversation pod history!

Ben

Go ahead, give us your reasoning. 

NiNi

For me, the original premise of Girl, You Tried was always ‘a strong idea that failed in the execution,’ and I feel like the ideas from Love is Better were stronger to me than the ideas in Living With Him, just in terms of, A, what I was interested in seeing and, B, what they wanted to do. I feel like those ideas were stronger in Love is Better. So the failure of the execution part is not the part that I'm looking at in terms of comparing the two, but the strength of the premise part.

Ben

Because both of these shows had really strong gay themes in them that I was really compelled by, I am going to allow them to tie and both get a Girl, You Tried, because I think both these shows were trying to do something really cool. I think by episode 3 and 4 both of these shows, I was like, “This show's got something in it. This is a real contender!” And then it was like, “Oh no, what happened, girl? Come on.” [laughs]

NiNi

So our first ever Girl, You Tried tie! Girls, you both tried.

Ben

Congratulations to Japan for getting your first Girl, You Tried awards. 

NiNi

Is it?

Shan

And the double at that! Japan, always overachieving.

[Ben and NiNi laugh]

00:27:02 Celebrating 50 Episodes

NiNi

I think we have exorcized the demon of the summer, so let's wrap this up. We are wrapping our summer lagniappe and wrapping our summer season. See you in dot-dot-dot weeks for our fall season beginning as soon as I can get my shit together and edit.

Shan

NiNi, should we shout out that this is the 50th episode of the podcast?

Ben

Oh shit!

NiNi

[gasp] Oh my God, we didn't even talk about that! Yes, congratulate us, guys. This is episode number 50 for The Conversation! 

Ben

Oh my God. [air horn sound]

Shan

There ya go.

Ben

If you are one of our listeners who has listened to us talk for all 50 episodes, please—

Shan

Wow.

Ben

—shout us out on Tumblr. I would love to talk to you and see how you're feeling about what we're doing after all this time.

Shan

You're a trooper if you actually did that.

NiNi

[laughs] Please, please, please. If you love us and you're hearing this, we are 50 episodes old today. Send us a note. Either send us a note on Tumblr if you know how to do that, or send us something in the Spotify down below—whatever…answer the thing thing.

Ben

[laughs] In the doobly-doo.

NiNi

Listen, okay? Auntie's old, okay? She don't remember what things are called. 

We out! Say bye to the people, Shan.

Shan

Bye, people!

NiNi

Ben, say bye to the people.

Ben

Peace.

[ahlai1]

Jouno Saigiku x GN traitor reader PT2

he starts attacking the guards along side with you it was quite a tough time for you because they were shooting quickly and have bunch of bullets ready with them but over all you putted efforts in attacking them and it was worth it to watch seeing your ownself putting efforts on something after awhile they're all in the grounds bleeding while Jouno was stepping on one of the guard's head interrogating them "So where's the suitcase? If you're not gonna tell us I'll torture you as i peel your skin off and make you traumatized when you ever saw me peeling an apple" Jouno said calmly as the guard trembles from fear "I can't tell you...! They'll get mad at me!" The guard said scared as he yelp in pain feeling Jouno's nail digging into his skin "Tell. Me." Jouno said as his face darkened "Fine! Fine! The suitcase is underground.. to go there you must go to the left and look for the old ancient door the door password to get there is '25 14 1 14 4 6 21 11 21 9 3 8 9 9 19 20 8 5 15 14 5 2 5 8 9 14 4 1 12 12 20 8 9 19 16 12 1 14 ' but be careful they're watching.." the guard said warning them Jouno just nod memorizing it quickly as possible as the two starts walking listening to what the guard said as they saw the door Jouno looks at Y/n "The password is 25 14 1 14 4 6 21 11 21 9 3 8 9 9 19 20 8 5 15 14 5 2 5 8 9 14 4 1 12 12 20 8 9 19 16 12 1 14 am i right?" Jouno ask as y/n nod but quickly realize he can't see it so they spoke "Yes.." you said as he starts putting the numbers calmly after awhile the door opened and a stair going down can be seen Infront of them they start going down it was a long stairway "Geez y/n can you be more quicker?" He said when you were just two meters away from him which irritated you "I'm not even that far away you're being a complete drama queen- I mean king" you said as the two of starts insulting eachother "Atleast I'm not blind" you said "atleast i don't get to see your ugly face. Do you even brush your teeth? I can smell your breath far away from here" He said but no matter how hurtful both of you insult eachother. However you two just take it as a joke after all talking wouldn't be fun without insulting eachother while you two were finally there you two saw the suitcase. Yet there was someone watching them from far away as Jouno walks as someone stabbed him quickly in the stomach he spat out bloods from his mouth "I'm sorry jouno... It was fukuchi's order, I'm Y/n L/n i work in decay of angels along side with fukuchi being our boss there.. I had no choice but to kill you, you would have been a great member for decay of angels but Fukuchi see right through you that you would disagree. I'm clearly sorry i know you hate me more I'm a traitor" You said as you stabbed the weapon in his stomach deeply making jouno spat more bloods his stomach bleeding he can't believe his own self that he's getting betrayed by you he tries standing up getting the weapon out from his body it was painful but he did that so he can hug you. Jouno went close to you as he hugged you tightly "Oh how oblivious you are.." he said "Don't you notice how i act different around you?.. Y/n you're the only person who made me feel things i never felt for someone i love the way you talk and how you talk with full sass without a care for the others opinion." He said making you look shock as you blushed "Is this your way of fooling me?! I-i.. don't believe" you said as he chuckled"I don't believe myself either but as days passed by i started to realize I'm actually and really inlove with you." He said "Y/n?" He adds as he looks at you "What?" You ask looking at him making sure no tears fall in your eyes "I can't believe I've fall inlove to a traitor like you.. maybe in another universe we're together.." he said falling to your chest "in another universe?" He ask as you look at him tears started forming in your eyes regretting everything"Yes in another universe..!" You said as you cried hugging Jouno tightly as he dies slowly in your arms

I'm questioning my ownself why i even made this. Whenever i post fanfics in my other social media i lose one percent of my sanity if i ever lose my sanity I'd probably making the weirdest fanfic ever.

[jacksonthereaper]

TW// Suicidal thoughts, mental exhaustion, lack of self worth

Doubt anyone's gonna see this but fuck it i might as well drop this in here

I'm so tired

I'm 15 years old male in 10th grade and i'm just so tired of everything. Tired of doing so much and putting in all the effort i can only to be criticized at the slightest mistake, tired of always trying so hard to be nice to others yet only being noticed when i'm rude or doing something bad or embarrassing, tired of this garbage world filled with wars, pollution, genocide, hunger, poverty, discrimination, disease, etc.

I feel like i'm losing more and more motivation with each and every single day that passes, beit for doing things i like, things i don't like, things i have to do, etc. I'm not particularly angry or sad or scared or frustrated, i guess i'm a little melancholic but overall i'm just exhausted, numb, and, most of all, bitter.

I still feel some amount of joy, but it feels so vain and empty. I eat something delicious, i listen to some music, i watch something funny on YouTube, on TV, etc., then i go right back to my misery. I just want someone to hear me calling for help. I just want to feel like someone actually gives a flying fuck about what i have to say, or wants me to feel better, or even just cares about my existence at all.

I don't even know anymore man. I'm just running out of options. I'm probably just experiencing burnout, which coupled with the fact i live in what is essentially a small village in the middle of nowhere, really just makes me feel hopeless.

Fuck this shit, man.

[naffeclipse]

I come from the depths of chapter 15 with a humble comment to offer! \o/

Goooooosh, so many things are happening and I've just been staring at the ask window wondering how to even start kfjdhgkjh

Ok, ok, so the start! Oooh the start of the chapter was all the tension I was expecting and then some! There of course wouldn't have been time to talk immediately after, when the hunters still wanted to see if they could catch up with the escaped demon. I guess it's a good thing it was postponed until nighttime, because Lambert was every kind of done with them XD Caught between, "I got a feeling this is a demon actually" and "if it's not, then coworker melodrama is not something I signed up for when hunting a demon dinosaur" pffft. Good thing he was asleep for that discussion!

But oh that discussion though!!!

The hunter throwing their hypocrisy in their face, of wanting to know the important details but not being provided with them; the fact that they just keep twisting the dagger deeper in trying to keep y/n safe and realizing it too late; and oh gosh especially the part where they tell them they can't hunt this cryptid and that they could make them leave.

Like, for most of the fic y/n has only gotten more and more desperate to prove to them (and themselves) that they CAN deal with the cryptids and protect other people, and yet for so many of them it feels like even through victory, their conclusion is always "they saw me stumble, but maybe they believe in me still". But now it feels that they have been clinging to something that wasn't there and if they already struggled with self doubt, the fact that someone that has lived with them and seen them so closely seems to be confirming that they have never truly been worthy or proved themselves is eating them from the inside out.

And ooooh, when Moon said "we can", oh my gosh I had to stop reading for a few minutes because my brain could not stop throwing possibilities of what could happen if they did do it. (but I see this is already gonna be long so I'll try to leave the scenario that popped in my head for another ask XD Just, all the implications of them knowing Sun and Moon didn't trust them and then losing the trust they had granted to the boys ahhhhh).

But the firmness with which the hunter refused caught my attention. Because it's unthinkable to them. They have explained why they do what they do. How much it means to them. It's a hard boundary right there, telling them to never ask them to leave a hunt again. It's not something they're willing to walk away from. It's what they are, and what they feel gives them purpose. They clutch to the journal like a lifeline because in a way it sort of is. It's all their efforts written down, the only way they know how to live, and the thing they use to assign worth to themselves. Right now it probably feels like the only way to believe in themselves when the ones they want the most to trust them apparently do not.

And aaaah, those last lines after they drifted off! Sun and Moon's resolution to never lie isn't worth much when the secrets make y/n doubt them like this.

Then we get to the boy's perspective!

Not gonna lie, last chapter I was just dying to get a section in which we got to see what they were thinking (though I do think it's fitting we didn't as it really put emphasis on the distance that was growing between them and y/n) so when I saw the one in this one I got so excited! XD Gosh the mention of how they already consumed the hearts of the earlier dead humans and how they placed the flowers back on them after had my heart aching. They love y/n in big part for their kind heart, so they respect this act of kindness even when to them the corpses aren't significant at all. It matters to y/n so it matters to them too! ;o;

And oooh the confrontation with the other demon! They tried to warn it to leave, to not draw so much attention, which is what called y/n to the area in the first place, but that went about expected. So sorry to the boys, but no option but a future confrontation between the hunters and the demon (Oh, I found a neat detail from this conversation that Shoh is able to know the words that people have spoken! There is a lot of power in words after all! A lot of experiences, and emotions!)

God and then they go back and the hurt just continues on. The hunter frantically looking for them in the night, and the boys knowing they are worried, but still unable to tell them anything that won't cause any more hurt just agggghhh!

And then the next day! When they get that moment to talk and the liquid is dripping from them! It's not only the hunter who is crying! (even if they are unable to cry in the same way)

(sidenote: I love all the descriptions of Sun and Moon reacting as if they were receiving physical damage when y/n is cold to them. They're up to this point the strongest being we have seen in the fic, and it's only y/n who can actually hurt them so easily. That's the thing they are discovering about having a heart, huh? It hurts sometimes. Very badly. And yet it's always worth keeping).

But ahhhh, y/n is finally getting some doubts! They shoot them down immediately, again because of their belief that a demon would never do the things Sun and Moon have done for them, but I imagine the fight between them has made place for some wondering to take root. Lucky for the boys, (but not for Lambert), that the demon appeared!

(sidenote 2: when you described the temperature dropping when Shoh appeared, it occurred to me that in the heat of the desert, having them along would probably be very appreciated fdkjsgñkj)

Oh, the fight with Shoh was so cool! Lots happening and I was legitimately wondering if there would come the moment in which the boys would be forced out of the vessel! Oh man, when the detector was crushed and y/n felt it, it made me think of how long it must have accompanied them. Perhaps a silly thought when the cryptid is right in front of them, but once again, y/n puts a lot of them into their work. And that detector probably saved them in more than one occassion. So rip detector, you won't live to see them realize you never lied about the animatronic.

And I also want to say rip Lambert, but uh... that might lend itself for an unfortunate pun given his death fdkjghdkjhñgf Seriously, though, he did hold his ground, managing a couple hits, and I felt the camaraderie when he was encouraging y/n! I feel so bad that his death was so brutal. No wonder y/n was thrown into a nervous breakdown after seeing it happen. Who wouldn't, right?

And then we go back to the issue with how they only see worth in themselves as long as they are brave. As long as they reject the effects of fear and push through them. To me it seems like their job started as a way to fight back against those nightmares. A way to see themselves as more than that terror that wouldn't leave them be after the day in which a demon attacked them. And it was! It probably helped them in a very big way, to feel strong and that they could keep going after such a horrific experience. But now they have sort of let it be only that. Their perspective has shifted and now they seem to have taken it to the extreme in which if they think they aren't capable of ignoring the fear (instead of deal with it) to do what they need to do, even if all circumstances would make it ok for them to fear (the primary function of fear is to keep you alive after all), then they are worthless. (Damaged, they think, and isn't that the whole root of the problem huh?) They think it would be better to prove that not even certain death would deter them from at least trying to do good. To defy the real "nightmare". Dying if it means taking the opponent down because then it would mean they beat the fear. Theirs and all the other people's.

Of course Sun and Moon would want to snap them out of that! Because they are not seeing all that they already are. All the worth they already have just by being themselves. That they ARE brave and it has nothing to do with the desperation to drive fear away. They already are so strong, but they can't throw that away because of their desire to self-punish out of thinking they aren't enough due to the gargantuan expectations they have put on themselves.

And perhaps it's precisely reminding them that that inspires the boys to finally come clean? Of course, there's also the factor of their secrets affecting y/n so badly, that they are hurting them. But also they have witnessed thanks to the hunter what true bravery is. They themselves have never truly had much to lose. They have been around from ancient times, and that might have made them secure in what they know and have experienced, sure of the outcome of most future events. They've protected children, of course, but it certainly wasn't the same. This is new to them. They've probably never been this afraid. Now it's their turn to push against the fear, even if the outcome is uncertain. They are all drowning and it's time to do something about it.

But ahh, that plot twist at the end! I have a feeling... with Vanessa coming, that reveal will not be on their terms. There might be an encounter of three demons now, and I just have no idea how it all is gonna go. I'm. Vibrating. In my seat. From excitement kjlhfskdjg

And there's still a whole episode left after this one! Naff I'm so excited for what you have in store!!! Excellent chapter as always!

"Humble comment" *proceeds to give me the most glorious comment* hehehe ♥ Thank you so much for reading, babe!

Chaotik, I am grabbing my screen right now, very curious about this scenario of yours where the boys take Y/N away. Ahhh, I would love to hear it!!!

Yes, that is a very hard boundary for Y/N! This is their work and they will not abandon it.

"It matters to y/n so it matters to them too!" <<< YES! YES, IT DOES! AH!

"That's the thing they are discovering about having a heart, huh? It hurts sometimes. Very badly. And yet it's always worth keeping." I am kissing you on the forehead for this *smooch*

Oh my gosh, I love that you talk about Y/N's focus on facing what terrorized them so long ago! It did start out as a way to handle their fears, but in recent times with the boys seemingly doubting their abilities as well as other stressful factors, it's begun to take a toll on their thinking and warped their idea from "it's okay to be scared so long as you don't let it stop you," to "you can't be scared anymore because you have to do more and prove that you can take care of everything or else what is the point if you can't stop other nightmares?" It's not healthy, and thankfully, the boys are there to show just that.

The boys are unsure how to navigate a romantic relationship and realize that wow, okay, this is actually not the right way to go about it with our partner. Not to mention, it was a wake-up call to have Y/N call them out for not 'believing' in their bravery, which wasn't correct, but it did reveal their own fears of rejection. So, taking after their heart, they decided it was time to be brave, too.

"There might be an encounter of three demons now" LAJSFDLASFD

POV: You're a cryptid hunter facing three demon cryptids

[theonewholivesinthemovies]

So in vigilantes, I love the banter that aizawa and present mic have. I wanna try and write what aizawa’s first day as a teacher was like.

————————————————————

Aizawa: “I didn’t apply because you asked me. Nezu asked me.”Mic:

“mmmHHHHMMMMmmmmm And who else has been asking you for years?? Hmmmm?? C’mon aren’t you EXCITED to work with me?” Mic taunted

I dread my productivity rates with you being around constantly. Quite simply not rational.

Mic: “Not rational cuz I’m gonna be distracting you ?” He fluttered his eyes. Putting both of his hands under his chin, his yellow shades sliding down slightly to look down at Aizawa’s slump.

yeah because you never shut up”

NOPE! BECAUSEEEEE you are gonna see me all the time and realize how much ya love meee and teeeaching and Midnight and Vlad and -

His Apple Watch started ringing. “OOP! Gotta run can’t be late on your first day there, Teach!”

Hizashi poked his finger at his shoulder. “Can’t make that impression with your class!”

Before Aizawa could follow up his confused reaction by asking “who was vlad” and then resolving it wasn’t worth the effort to ask, Present Mic had dashed out towards the door, hair hitting the frame of the threshold on the way. Aizawa looked at the clock.

Dammit, he was right.

Mic: “gotta go dash!” He said, a stupid wide grin on his face. (He’s trying to say gotta go fast as a sonic meme but not quite landing it)

Mic was right. He had to go or else he would be 10 minutes late to being early by 15 minutes. Hizashi knew this. He knew this from when they roamed these same halls together. Dammit. “He DOES know we aren’t attached at the hip right?” Aizawa thought to himself. Too much work to focus on something so irrational.

And loud.

Why did it matter who convinced him to work at UA anyway.

It’s simply makes sense to teach the next generation to carry on efficient work. As much as he did at night, he knew better than most that one man cannot solve everything. Not even all might. Working with the same colleagues he has worked in battle with was strategic planning, efficient, and effective. Teaching was just like a fight.

“Yeah” he muttered under his breath, convincing himself.

Getting to the point of the lesson and knowing good team work. Trimming the excess was something he was good at. Regarding teamwork, Aizawa recognized he was garbage at English, (part of the reason he hated press conferences) which is where Mic shines, and even as annoying as vlad king is, he makes a great coach for driving results. He didn’t know press work like Midnight.

He started to feel small. Tunnel vision started suffocating him. This feeling choked him and made him feel useless, especially being so reliant on his eyes. He looked around from side to side to try to steady but to no avail. What was he doing here? Teaching? Working with kids? Was he worth anything to guide students?

In 2 -3 - 4 hold 2 - 4 - 6 -7 Out 2 - 4 - 5 - 6 - 7 - 8.

He stopped and caught his breath, like his mandated therapist from the agency suggested. The only thing that stuck. It was the quickest was to the parasympathetic nervous system and logically can shut down these unproductive thoughts.

The thoughts just like…

Like…Before oboro convinced him he really had a place here among the heroes.

He sniffed and shook he head, shaking out the past and emotions from this fight and hoisted the wrap around his neck to cover to his chin.

“Only rational to work as a team, just like they taught me. I have my strong suits, Mic has his.”

He thought.

He added, almost correcting himself subconsciously, “Err- everyone has their strong suit to teach at UA. You have to in order to work here. The primary objective is to make the best students into the best heroes to protect the future. Even though he preferred individual work, there was value in team effort, and this school called nothing but the best display of understanding your team and pairups.”

“Just rational.” His thoughts continued. “Nothing else. Even if I prefer to work alone, I can excel in teaching these kids that. Teach kids how to know themselves best so they can make a team even more powerful.” He smiled as he walked in to HIS classroom. Nobody could see that smile of course.

The classroom was already set up. He’d been in days before to make sure everything was spotless, seating tags in place, stocked supplies, including his sleeping bag and training clothes. He was nervous to break it out on the first day in case Nezu were to walk by, probably not a good look first day, but packed it before the shift tonight.

He walked around to inspect everything, and read through his class chart at the podium. He glanced at the clock on the wall.

15 minutes.

He turned on the police radio under the podium he had placed so he could spend a few minutes relaxing and planning his route for the night shift. That was much easier than what was about to come. After a few moments, when he turned to sit around at the desk, he noticed a sticky note on top of a pink retangle piece of rubber:

Hey Eraser,

You are gonna do GREAT!

If you want to, we can meet after your first day to talk?

-Zashi

His tired eyes flung open and burned from the sudden wind.

He flipped over the eraser and squinted to study it. There was an address on the back. A local coffee shop. His favorite local coffee shop, actually.

It wasn’t the invite to hang that was weird. This felt….genuine. Not over the top. Preplanned, not spontaneous. Zashi. Not Mic. Friend, not coworker.

They hadn’t been “friends” in so long. It pained him to admit it. Zashi had always tried to keep the friendship open but he…

He…struggled to reach out.

He worked late, woke up early to plan stings, worked out, was on call for police, and had 3 rescue cats and cactus at home.

He barely ate more than coffee, cigarettes, protein drinks, and takeaway.

Maybe Mic - Zashi, knew that? He wanted to reflect back on their relationship. He was taken aback by this small act. He felt perceived about his nerves despite…being himself.

How could he expect to attend to a friendship or relationship? That’s not what this job is -

He stopped himself. He had to remind himself of several lessons that were beaten into him on the significance of teamwork. That line of thinking was not going to get him anywhere.

He sighed.

There was no excuse. Zashi had always tried to keep the line open. Aizawa was the one who never followed up.

Maybe, this job would be good for him. Maybe he wasn’t as stable as he thought~

The door slid open

Ah. My first student.

[docholligay]

Dr. Holligay Tries Things That Aren't Running: Boot Camp

This one is a bit of a cheat, because I do this class every week. But it, in fact, is not running, and is helping fulfill a bingo, so I'm counting it.

By its own admission, Boot Camp is an advanced class that is by most definitions the hardest class offered at the YMCA. It is an intensive strength class broken up by bits of sprint-style cardio. It's about lifting heavier, going faster, doing it cleaner. I always, always, sweat ONTO THE FLOOR in Boot Camp.

It's always done in stations, that you do in a rotation, and these generally include different parts of the body. Today had a lot of shoulder presses, and chest presses, but also a fair amount of FUCKING PUSHUPS and weighted reverse burpees. Interspersed with line sprints about every four stations.

The class is made for self-starters. Jessie, our fearless leader, says that her job is to keep "The laid-back pushing yourselves, and the little psychos from killing yourselves." You pick your own weight in each station. If you ask for a modification, she'll give it you. But also, she will call you on your crap.

Jessie has two sides. One of them is the "Fareeha Amari teaches a fitness class side" These saying include:

"You're not tired! We're fifteen minutes into class for god's sake." (ignoring that we did a quarter mile sprint followed by 30 jumping jacks followed by 15 jump tucks followed by 10 donkey kick jumps and THEN we headed into the lifting and burpees and whatever the hell else she had planned for us. )

"If it doesn't challenge you, it won't change you!"

"Doc, I thought you were a runner. Faster sprint!"

"Make this class worth an hour of your time! Push! Push! Push!"

And then she has the, "Honoring your effort" side. These sayings include:

"You're gonna feel so good about this in ten minutes!"

"You showed up for yourself today, great job!"

"Doc, your pushup progress is awesome!"

"Everyone remember this is against the you of yesterday, the you of last week, the you of last month. NOT YOUR NEIGHBOR."

It is the only class I take where I literally cannot run after it. I am blown out like a sprinkler system in October. I finish and I have NOTHING left. I am sore not even the next day, but the same day. I had to change my run training because I can't do speedwork for days after the class. The entire time I'm in class I am fighting it. At least once a month I almost cry from frustration because I can't physically do something, i can't push it any further. I am easily one of the bottom 50% of the class--this is a 95% Jock Class. It annoys the FUCK out of me.

I love this class! I feel like I've taken myself as hard as I can go, and since I started taking it regularly a little over a year ago, I have gotten much stronger and put on a few pounds of muscle. My goal at all times is to be able to beat up about 95% of my followers, and this aids me in that noble and lofty goal.

Jessie handed me my sticker before class today. She doesn't worry about me leaving.

[aerospectrum]

@wexarethewalkingxdead asked: 1: How are you today? 8: How would you describe yourself to a stranger? 13: When did you start roleplaying? 14: What are your favorite subjects/genres to roleplay? 15: What fandoms are you in? 17: How many muses do you currently have? 22: What do you think are your roleplaying strengths and weaknesses? 23: Is roleplaying more of a job or a hobby to you? 27: Name something that’s a favorite of yours? 28: Any advice for other roleplayers? NOSY MEEEEMES :: OPEN

i feel like I ramble so badly so i put all the answers under a readmore to save your dash sanities lol.

1] I am surviiivin', but i'm chill. I have crazy insomnia so I haven't been able to sleep much and I am so behind on asks and drafts and everything else... aaaah maybe I'm stressed lol. but chill stressed lol.

8] hmm, I guess maybe to a stranger i'd describe me as timid or shy or quiet. Odd looking in a way that isn't unique? Mismatched and in need of a haircut as well

13] hmm, I think officially in 09 or maybe 2010?

14] I love angst/comfort I also really love enemies to lovers those are so fulfilling especially when they don't realize they've fallen for one another just yet and then something happens to one of them and it's just "oh ... i'm in love aren't i?

15] I'm in so many fandoms at this point, oh gosh. Supernatural, the Boys, Marvel, hmmm, Walking Dead, Lucifer, , Stardew, Owl House, Destiel lmao, Yellowstone, Jurassic Park, honestly if it snags my interest i just jump in headfirst.

17] oh dang, I'm not sure, I think 12-15 as of now, but some never get out there but I still love them very much!

22] i think a strength of mine is I'm very willing to learn new fandoms and the lore to place my muses into them in a way that fits. I also think I'm fairly accepting of all muses be them canon or originals- I always try to put in the effort to make sure everyone feels seen and heard! I think my biggest weakness is that I love to start so many threads all at once then I get overwhelmed and kinda become a hermit. I forget to focus on just a few at a time and then I get panicky lol. But it's fine, i love having a million different threads with everyone because it's fun and cute!

23] i like to keep rp as a hobby, though it could definitely be a cool job!

27] a favorite thing for me is making meals for others. I went through a lot of food scarcity when I was younger and i think that's something that lowkey traumatized me, so to be able to make a meal for someone i love- or even someone i don't know makes me feel like I'm undoing that particular trauma in myself by providing for others in a way that's easy for me to show love???

28] my advice would be, try really hard to not take yourself too seriously, enjoy the goofy moods and remember that this is supposed to be fun! it's easier said than done but you'll lose the fun when you start comparing yourself to others. It's quality not quantity and sometimes people are gonna be better than you and that is completely ok- it doesn't negate your worth or abilities as a writer or a person. even though it's really scary and some of us are shy or struggle with anxiety- try and message people you enjoy writing with and create meaningful healthy ooc relationships, you're not annoying one another. we're all searching for community and belonging so if you reach out to someone and they turn out to be a huge dillweed, don't sweat it, there's so many other super kind people here to talk and chill with- try not to let the mean ol' hoes ruin your time here, lol.

[lavenderwarrior1]

So here are some steps that can help you with setting and finishing your goals:

• Write your goals/ideas down in a list and put it somewhere you can see it every day. You can have yearly, monthly, or both goals. Just make sure they're SMART (Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, and Time-bound).

• Now, let's choose some habits that will help you reach those goals. Want to improve your cooking skills? Start by cooking one new recipe every week and practicing basic techniques. Want to learn a new language? Try spending 10-15 minutes every day practicing with a language learning app. It's really that easy!

• Add those habits to your daily routine, but start small and be realistic. For example, if you want to get in shape, start exercising and eating healthy. Make it enjoyable and achievable. If you're not used to working out, don't try to do it five times a week right away. Start with two times a week and build from there.

• Stop making excuses, my friend. You won't reach your goals if you keep finding reasons to skip out on them. Don't wait for "Monday" or "tomorrow" to start. If you're motivated, start right now and don't skip your workouts. Remember, the less you do, the less you'll want to do.

• Remember your 'Why' to keep the motivation going. Create a vision board, imagine your dream life, and think about why you want to make a change. If you're feeling unhappy or unmotivated, it's worth it to try and make a positive change.

• Enjoy the process, my friend! This is the most important step. If you're dreading your workouts or your daily practice routine, you won't stick with it. So, make it interesting! Try learning new cooking techniques with a friend or find language partners online to practice with.

• Finally, celebrate your successes! If you've been consistent in your efforts, you'll start seeing results in just a few weeks or months. You'll get compliments on your cooking or notice improvements in your language skills, and you'll feel proud of yourself. When you work hard and achieve your goals, your confidence will skyrocket. GET AFTER IT!

[sprouseandall]

𝒀𝒆𝒉 𝑫𝒐𝒐𝒓𝒊𝒚𝒂𝒏 𝑴𝒂𝒔𝒕𝒆𝒓𝒍𝒊𝒔𝒕

sʏɴᴏᴘsɪs: Inspired by the song with the same name and the movie Five Feet Apart.

Set in 2019. It is the story of a young Indian girl named Asher who had a dream of becoming a singer since the age of twelve when she wrote her first song along. Her world was turned upside down when she got diagnosed with Cystic Fibrosis (CF), a lung disease. Making her live on borrowed air, through oxygen cylinder with pipe throwing air inside her lungs and the day she gave up on her dreams she even gave up on her hope and life.

She was 17, when on a regular weekend she caught the eye of Cole Sprouse as she played guitar alongside her friends in the central park of New York.

It started off as friendship but eventually love found its way into Asher's heart despite her efforts. She tries to distance him away thinking she was saving him from a heartbreak by breaking her own heart. She thought she was being brave soldier as she stood alone in this battle when inside of her, she was scared but the almighty had sent someone for her to hold onto. He wouldn't leave her no matter how hard she try because he's meant to love her. No matter what.

𝐒𝐨 𝐡𝐨𝐰 𝐥𝐨𝐧𝐠 𝐰𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐬𝐡𝐞 𝐩𝐮𝐬𝐡 𝐡𝐢𝐦 𝐚𝐰𝐚𝐲 𝐭𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐡𝐞 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐬 𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐝𝐞𝐬𝐩𝐢𝐭𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐬𝐞 𝐝𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐧𝐜𝐞𝐬?

A/N: It's really special story to me as for first time I put myself into the shoes of the female protagonist. As an acting student it is really important to feel and become that person and respect and appreciate them so that's what l'm gonna do. It's gonna be challenging but worth it to write and I can't wait to see how the story goes but I can assure you that it's going to be a emotional roller coaster and this new story is my way of giving the characters their happy ending or as I say "happy beginning".

I recently watched "Five Feet Apart"... again and it is movie that hits me in my core and make me cry more than Stella as the movie reaches its climax. Also I got inspired by a Hindi song "Yeh Dooriyan" which means "These Distances" I'm a Indian for those who don't know so I understand that depth in the song and two nights ago I got this storyline stuck in my head.

I'm really excited and nervous, l'm doing a lot of research on the disease to make the story as accurate as possible but still if there's a mistake then I'm sorry in advance, I'll try to write as detailed as possible but since l'm not a professional writer go easy on me and at the same time feel free to reach out to make suggestions and recommendations. My DMs are also open forever 💗

On a serious note, I wanna show my respect to all those people who deal with serious diseases like CF and all of other sorts. It's not easy and if you're moving forward everyday with it, YOU ARE BRAVE. And I'm SO PROUD of you guys! I'm always there.

I'll be updating my new story every weekend as college as officially started. So the story isn't just mine anymore, it's ours.

Catch early updates on Wattpad

Prologue (posted on July 23rd, 2024)

Chapter 1 (posted on July 23rd, 2024)

Chapter 2 (26/7) (published on Wattpad)

Chapter 3 (29/7)

Chapter 4 (01/8)

Chapter 5 (04/8)

Chapter 6 (08/8)

Chapter 7 (12/8)

Chapter 8 (15/8)

Chapter 9 (TBD)

[zonerz]

Answers Update

OKAY IK THIS IS A TEXT BLOCK BUT DONT PANIC! We are good JKSDKJL

So it’s been about a month since the last chapter update, my b 💀🙏BUT I have good reasons, and I realized that while I mentioned it in an A/N on the fic itself, I probably have people following me here who haven’t seen that 😭👍Better late than never tho! Putting it under a cut bc it’s a bit long my bad

I’ve had a good chunk of chapter 39 completed since I uploaded 38, but as I was writing and reviewing my stuff to ensure consistency and such, erm, well 😭I’ve hit a point where the problems I’ve had on the backburner are no longer avoidable. Additionally, by nature of how long I’ve been working on this story (4.5 years mama mia 💀💀💀) I’ve had time to think about and enhance some #Lore 😳!

Reflecting on all of this, I really think that in order for the upcoming bits to be at their best and most impactful, I need to revisit the much older chapters and make some revisions. Which I know can sound beyond frustrating, but I would rather do this and make the whole experience much more consistent and satisfying than shoehorn in a bunch of stuff late-game and feel like a rugpull yk???

The main thing that pushed me over the edge is Hiro because the track that I’ve been on regarding his background/power set up is gonna lead me into an unsatisfying and unfun corner, and that’s not what I want. So I’ve been rattling that man around for months tryna figure smth out AND I FINALLY GOT IT! His character and personality won’t be changing so no worries there! Nor will introductions or roles, but I’ve finally got something set up to explain his powers a lot more reasonably as well as being able to have a bit more classic HB callbacks :]

Essentially I’m gonna do what I did in 2021 where I have a little laundry list of things to tweak and add so that the story is at it’s best! My writing abilities have definitely improved and grown since I first started writing this fic, so I’m finally able to add or depict things I simply didn’t have the skill level for before which is SOOOOO SATISFYING !!!

Currently all chapters up to chapter 14 have been updated with new action sequences, conversations, and grammatical/pacing issues resolved to be much closer to how I always intended for them to be--also some fun little 1.20 snippets that just fit in a way I’ve always wanted! Those cherry trees were too good to not mention 💖

When I’m done I’ll be uploading the real chapter 39 in the place of the A/N one and will denote which chapters got the most notable changes :> They’ll mostly be the ones from about 8-15 I’d say tho solely because of Hiro 😭 Love that bastard but he has been a MIGRAINE to sort out for YEARS

Anyways that’s all I’ve got 😭🙏Thank you guys sm for reading and for your patience and apologies for the change-up, but I do think this is a good thing to do for the health of the story even if it takes a lot of extra effort and time. It’s worth doing. Very funny to feel like I’m adding patch notes to a fic tho KLJSJKLDJ Answers HD 1.5 Remix moment

anyways ty and have a good one !!!

[gritpyre]

🥛🍨🧅🥨🍈🍏💮🍩 for the main babygirl :) this is a lot so if you don't wanna do all of em just do the ones of these you find most interesting!

if you give me any chance to prattle on about Alma i will gobble it right up, i could talk about her 24/7

so [cracks knuckles] here we GO

🥛 [MILK] What is your OC's relationship with their biological parents like? What about their relationship with any non-biological parental figures?

She's equal parts resentful and terrified of Salazar, they have seen each other at their worst, and each is a mirror of what the other doesn't want to become. Almost every single one of their meet ups ends in a massive fight, verbal or otherwise

She has nothing but blind devotion and loyalty towards Melquíades, she has tried time and time again to get close to him and gain his approval with little to show for her efforts, she loves him but doubts her father will ever see her as his own flesh and blood again

one of her most tender relationships is with for-the-love-of-angst's ocs Taron and Zizi who act as her adoptive parents, she wants to love them perfectly but is afraid she might not be able to learn how anymore

🍨 [ICE CREAM] How does your OC compose themselves in stressful situations?

Honestly because she lives in a perennial state of survival mode she has mastered the art of dissociating herself from her own discomfort to focus on what needs to be done and letting urgency and instinct (and an unhealthy dose of anger) carry her forward

smoking like a chimney also helps!

🧅 [ONION] What is surefire to make your OC cry? Who knows of this information?

Reminding her that she has strength but no power, and that things don't get any better and the suffering is endless for people like her

in good latin american mom fashion, the one that can make her cry the easiest is Salazar

🥨 [PRETZEL] How complicated is your OC's backstory? Who does it entwine with?

see she has years worth of story development that i'm still untangling, wouldn't say it's complicated just long orz

🍈 [MELON] If they had to be put into a box, what box would it be and why?

pretty sure i'm misunderstanding this question but regardless i'm gonna say cardboard box bc kitty

🍏 [GREEN APPLE] How do they differ from the norm and how are they punished for it?

i think being the daughter of my verse's version of the boogeyman is the farthest you can get form the norm :'D it comes at the cost of her bodily, mental and emotional freedom

💮 [WHITE FLOWER] Has your OC ever kissed someone? Who, when, and where?

oh man, so many people, but let's go with the most meaningful ones: first kiss was an accidental one with Thiago when they were both around 15, they were near a beautiful waterhole they had just discovered

then there was Vega who confessed with a kiss while they were watching the sunset on a rooftop, they were around 16-17

then at 20 Magdalena came along, offered to kiss her to distract her from her gloomy thoughts and it worked, twisted toxic relationship ensued soon after and continues to this day

🍩 [DONUT] What is your OC's biggest flaw? How do they deal with it? Do they deal with it?

her self-destructive tendencies for sure, and the fact they're rooted in the belief she's not all that important to others, not in a way that truly matters anyway

she hasn't dealt with it for the longest time but it was getting ever so faintly harder to bounce back after each self-sabotaging bender, and though she has no drive to fully get over these tendencies, she's beginning to trust and respect other people's decisions that they do in fact want her around

hope this wall of text is somewhat understandable, and thank you!

[lancerious]

You alive?

YES I AM ALIVE

I'm gonna make this as short as humanly possible because I have a tendency to make posts needlessly long.

Ok so for the maybe 5 people who somehow still remember who I am, uh, hi lol. I don't even remember when I last came on Tumblr for more than 5 seconds and had any sort of activity. And if you don't remember who I am, I don't blame you since it's been forever anyway .-.

But yeah anyway, I want to just say why I've been on a silent hiatus for so long and what's been happening. To start, I first stopped activity cold turkey because being online 24/7 was really draining me physically and mentally. I was staying up all night and not doing anything during the day, and wasn't communicating with any of the real-life people I know. I have a tendency to either put my all into something or not put in any effort at all, which doesn't necessarily need to be a bad thing, but it turned out negative in this case. My mental health was also in the toilet too, I was always grumpy, sleep-deprived, had no motivation, and my procrastination was worse than it had ever been. I decided to take a month or two off the internet to better myself and improved a lot over that time. But of course, I wasn't only gone for two months (I think :P), which leads me into the next thing.

The next thing is I MOVED :D!! I just moved in with a close family friend a few weeks ago. The reason for this is college, and this way I don't need to live in a too-expensive apartment worth 15 human beings :P. It was a bit of a hassle though, since I moved a timezone away--EST for anyone curious--from my family's home in CT time. I honestly meant to start college last year, but things came up and that got postponed to this year. But yeah, moving took another few months, and I am happy to announce I am now well-adjusted and ready to come back to the online space!

BUT, there is a bit of a catch to this. I still very much remember what happened when I DID stay on my devices for too long too often, and don't want to go through that again and go on yet ANOTHER hiatus. So, I am NOT going to be nearly as active as I used to be. I'll still try to keep my activity relatively consistent, but I will not stay up as late as I used to and won't always reply to interactions in 2 seconds. I want to have a healthy balance between reality and the internet. It'll take me some time to figure out, since I'm not really good at doing things in moderation, but doggone it I am going to try my darnedest.

Anyway that's basically it, I'm really sorry for seemingly vanishing without a trace...again. It's a very bad habit of mine as I'm sure you're aware. I swear on my Lancer plush--yes I still have that :P--that I'll try and improve on this. Hope you're all well, and have a good rest of your day!

[raviosprovidence]

Ocean Game: Currency

I would like to start out by saying my opinion of sky's currency has changed a lot. At first, I thought the system was limiting and frustrating, where days would go by and you would get little for your efforts. Hell, there's even an actual limit. But now I see the system as it is, but it took me a while to understand how it works. So moving forward, Current will have its own version

The currency in this game is shells. You run around the world breaking rocks and picking up pieces to collect shell bits that will form shells once you have enough. You can also collect shells in Afk areas, aka small caves in each area where shell bits will spawn from the ground. These, of course, can only give you a max of 1000 bits collected over a long period of time, but they are good for those who can't actually run out and collect every single day.

You can also get shell bits from mini games you can find in each realm! Each realm will have their own mini game, where you either compete by yourself (matching games, candy crush like games, etc.) or with other players (racing games, hide n seek, simon says with emotes, etc). While single player games guarantee at least some shell bits, multiplayer games have the bigger cash out, especially when more people are playing. This will incentivize player interaction, people having fun, and earns people shell bits. It's a win/win/win!

Aside from AFK, you'll be able to get 20 shells per day fairly easily if you hit up most of the realms/do a few mini games. You can get more, but it will become increasingly harder and you will have to grind.

There will be at least one week per month where shell bits produced will be worth double, as there won't be any seasonal currencies. However! To decrease FOMO, all those mers/cosmetics will come back around some other time. For two weeks at the end of the year, all previous limited IAP's will come back and be available to purchase, but will be a little more expensive than the previous time (like we're talking a dollar or two more, and no cosmetic will exceed 15$ because holy shit you should not be spending 20$ on a single fake item).

So in game, other than cosmetics, what can you spend shells on? Well, there's two big things.

The first is memories from the sirens you come across. Not only can you purchase their cosmetics, but you can also purchase bits of their memories to see what they were like before everything went to shit. Once you purchase everything you can, you'll unlock a special new cosmetic you can purchase from them, but it won't be cheap.

The second is restoration. Put in enough shells in an area and you'll be able to rebuild either a reef zone (and unlock new fish that swim around) or a new building (that unlocks more memories and/or will sell certain spells to you).

Now, there's actually something to work towards over a long period of time. 100% both of these things will make the conclave beast associated with the realm come out of hiding and start swimming around the area. You'll earn their tail cosmetic for a much cheaper price.

And I think that's it for now! Next time I'll delve more into the realms and seasons and how those are gonna work. Any suggestions/comments, please leave below!

[everyday-is-brighter-with-you]

[ ID: 7 infographic slides titled with 6 ways to avoid procrastination, presented by IvyStudying. The first slide is the title and a picture of a smiling coffee cup with a heart.

Number one way is chunking.' with a big, scary task, break it up into tiny pieces.

In other words, the first time that you work on something that you don't want to, give it 15 minutes ,that's all! Then stop

The next day, plan another 15 minutes

Eventually, you'll find that you're into the task

If you start early, 3 weeks before something is due, or even a month, you'll find that that panic about the deadline approaching goes away

Never start writing with a 10-page paper as your goal, always try to do 15 minutes worth of something'

Number two is time not task.' Plan what you have to do by time.

For example you say to yourself: I need 2 hours to read 3 chapters and that's it. At the end of those 2 hours, stop!

Even if you aren't done, say, I'll assign 20 minutes to myself to finish it tommorrow.

Why so strict? 1) you won't trust yourself if you keep breaking your own rules 2) you need to break the cycle of how students frequently work

They work until they're exhausted, it's late, you're burnt out, your brain is shut off

Your energy approach to the task will change; instead of burning yourself out and then trying to get revitalised; stop while you're on top'

Number three is false deadlines.' You have something important due on the 20th, so you say, okay I'm gonna have that due on the 16th, expect you don't listen to those because there's nothing anchoring internal deadlines unlike external

How you make false deadlines work is, you externalise them

Make an appointment with the Writing Centre, so that you should have your paper done by then

The Writing Center won't make you have it done( trading one police for another) but it'll keep you ahead

The other false deadline; you have a friend, not necessarily in the same course, your friend has something due on 18th, you have something due on 20th, you meet up and show each other the work on the 16th.

Mark the fact that I said I would have this done, and here it is- then put it away and have fun.'

Number four is Rewards.' the problem with marks is there is no immediate gratification.

You study for an exam and you come out exhausted and you have no sense of how you did: maybe you did well but you're not sure.

Same thing with taking courses you don't enjoy;I need this course to get my major, my degree

The four year old inside you is not interested

The thing to do is reward your four year old on a four year old level; like by going for a walk, listening to music, seeing a friend

What you need are small, happy, gut level gratifying rewards when you accomplish small tasks

Reward effort, celebrate successes: don't wait for marks to reward yourself, and if you do well on the exam celebrate the later.'

Number five is plan personal time. 'One of the great injustices of being a procrastinator is that we constantly say we're going to work and then we don't

We always steal personal time from work Time

Divide up personal time and work time

The idea that a student shouldn't have personal time is absolutely wrong; unethical and unhealthy

Start by acknowledging that you deserve personal time

This helps plan out work time

for example; I know I'll be taking Thursday off for myself so Wednesday night I should be working. '

Number six is ABC prioritisation 'How it works is you divide any to-do list into categories

A= Crucial- B= Less important- C= I Should Get This Done

The list has to be as close to even as possible

Assign values to each thing in the list and then get rid of the C's

Priority is not to get everything done but to get something done

your goal now is to get all the As done and of you get all the As done you have succeeded! If you have leftover time start working on the Bs.

Not a good way of planning your life, good way to get yourself out of a crisis

The danger is in doing nothing!' End ID]

It’s been a while since I’ve made a post, and I figured that these tips might be extra helpful with exam season approaching. As someone who struggles a lot with procrastination, I do everything I can to fight the urge to put assignments off until the last minute (even though I’m not always successful). 

As always, good luck! (ᵔᴥᵔ)