#goldcliff

[musicalthought]

[artviree]

Goldcliff, 2018

Never posted the finished version of my Goldcliff illustration, so here it is!

[nomaishuttle]

ELEVENTH HOUR YESSSSSS YESSSSSS

[umbraastaff]

More TAZ Balance speedrun exploits:

With the new glitch to get the Light at the start of any cycle, you can now technically enact Lucretia's Shield on the Hunger anywhere before Faerûn for any%. However, this hinges on the given world being able to defeat the Hunger in the final battle. The earliest success so far is at Legato, if you get the arts students to tap into their rage.

You can use RNG manipulation to get the Slicer of Tapir-Weir Isles to appear on your first Costco run, though this is only useful if you're doing the Garfield Ending (why) or on NG+.

Barry can use a multiclassing slot to learn Lup's double jump ability in Cycle 23. Then on Faerûn, you can use the Infinite Jump glitch to get Barry to the Moon (bypassing the lich barrier by being alive), which causes the game to skip to Reunion Tour. However, the number of perfect inputs this requires in a row means this is considered impossible outside of TAS.

You can do a Reunion Tour skip as early as Phandalin, however. A few years before Gerblins, you can glitch lich!Barry into the Dryad Tree area of Goldcliff. You're not meant to get there until the end of Petals to the Metal, so everything's there, including the Love buff you can get standing near the tree. Barry can then get a second stack of Love (normally impossible) by going to Magnus' wedding. Then you immediately have him resurrect in his body, which freezes all buffs he has in lich form. If you then keep him alive until Phandalin, when the fire kills him, he'll have both stacks of Love plus his own innate bonus. The game won't let Barry possess party members, but since the Gauntlet isn't technically equipped by anyone, he can possess that. The OP Love buff slows the Relic Corruption debuff to a crawl, which keeps him there long enough to pass through the Moon barrier and, again, trigger Reunion Tour.

Taakitz% players figured out that Barry can do a mass zombie-raising at the Glamour Springs graveyard the night before the show, which gets Kravitz on the scene and causes him to meet Taako. Like all crime scenes, this also has a 5% chance to spawn Angus and jumpstart the Magic Mentor quest.

[thesilicontribesman]

The Goldcliff Bronze Age Boat Plank, Newport Museum and Galleries, Wales

One of two Bronze Age sewn boat planks reused as an ancient trackway

The plank is part of a sewn boat which would have been held together by willow ropes threaded diagonally through holes. The central section was removed (and replaced) for tree-ring dating, which places the construction of the boat at around 3,100 years ago.

[barry-j-blupjeans]

Angus was a good detective. The best detective, if he could say so himself. Good enough for the Goldcliff Militia, good enough for the Bureau of Balance. But there were still mysteries that completely eluded him. Sure, joining the Bureau had cleared some things up. But it also opened up so many more questions. Angus could— and has!— filled several notebooks up with things he wanted to figure out. But right, his most pressing concern was this.

"What do you— what do you mean he was just here?" Angus said, looking away from his notes at last.

The Director was sitting behind her desk, sunk deeply into her chair. She wore a look deep… something. Angus couldn't quite place his finger on it. But it didn't matter right now.

"He was just here," the Director said again, shrugging.

"Is he—he's not inoculated?"

"As far as I'm aware," the Director said, "and I am very aware of who is and isn't inoculated— he has not been."

"How can he live up here—?"

"Who's to say he's alive?" the Director asked.

"…fuck," Angus said. Okay, new page. He started scribbling stuff down. He'd have to look into undead beings more— ooh, maybe Mr. Taako could put him in contact with Mr. Kravitz, he had been wanting to ask a few things about his whole job and purpose and such. Back on topic, Angus, back on topic. Okay. The Bureau's library was probably his next best bet and if not, maybe the Militia's library, since he still had that passcode.

"If I may speak honestly," the Director said, leaning forward. She moved a few sheets of paper aside. "I don't give a fuck how he got up here because, quite frankly, I hate speaking to him. The less we interact, the better. Have you heard his voice? The man sounds like a violin that got beat into a pile of chopsticks. It's not—"

"So you just let him stay?" Angus interrupted, appalled.

"Garfield the Deals Warlock is not a force to be reckoned with, Angus," the Director said gravely. "Sometimes, the easiest way to solve a mystery is to stop thinking about it."

"Well, yeah," Angus said. "But he's— isn't it a security risk, ma'am? If he can get up here, then who's to say someone else couldn't? Someone like— like a Red Robe, or—"

"Angus," The Director said, looking him in the eye. "There are no Red Robes on the moon."

"That you know of," Angus said.

"That I know of," the Director allowed. "But I can one hundred percent assure you that Garfield is not a Red Robe."

"He has the magical ability—"

"He's as much of a Red Robe as you are, Angus," the Director said. "So unless you have something to share—"

"I was— it was a goof, Madam Director," Angus said. "I'm— I'm not a Red Robe." A pause. But could he be? If the Voidfish could erase the memories from his head about the relics, then maybe. But, no— no, Angus had been a baby. He couldn't make a weapon of mass destruction as a baby.

"Mine was also a goof," the Director said, cutting into his thoughts. Oh. Right. Okay. "Angus, I do very much enjoy chatting with you, but I do need you to get out of my office. I'm afraid to say that I have a spa appointment with Merle this afternoon and I need to mentally prepare myself. I think it would be wise for you to stop investigating Garfield and resume looking for another Relic."

"Of course," Angus said. "But if I happen to find anything about Garfield being a— maybe like a lich, or—"

"Can't be a lich," the Director said. "He'd just get blasted off the ding-dang moon."

"I'm— I'm sorry?" Angus asked.

"It really is time for you to go," the Director said, standing. A few of her bones popped and she grimaced. "I believe you left off with the, uhm, the Temporal Chalice, correct? That is— that's a pretty big one." She rounded the desk, doing a sweeping motion with her hands as if to say "shoo!". "I'm sure you can manage, though."

"Of course, I can," Angus said. "I'm the—"

"World's greatest detective," the Director said. "So you've said— and proven, too. Expect a hefty bonus around, uh— midsummer. Or thereabouts."

The Director showed Angus to the door.

"How big of a bonus?" Angus said, shutting his notebook.

"Well, it'll ruin the surprise if I tell you now," the Director said. "Have a good day, Detective McDonald."

"Have a good day, ma'am," Angus said. She shut the door behind him.

Angus love being a detective. That's part of why he was so good at it. But it seemed like every time he and Madam Director spoke, he ended up with more questions than answers. Maybe she was right. They had bigger problems than whatever Garfield the Deals warlock was. Or used to be, if that was anything. He should get back to finding the Chalice.

He paused, opening his notebook again.

It wouldn't hurt to look up more about liches, though. Just in case.

[orykorioart]

TAZ Sapphic Week Day 3: Monster + Dance

Teaser for tomorrow: Pirates + Again!

+some ideas about the ‘story’ under the cut :3c

Gossips say that Hurley, the famed ballet dancer, is haunted by a beast that resides within Goldcliff theater. Her performance grows sloppy, which people attribute to be part of the beast’s curse. One day during the performance, a beast with raven feathers swoop down from above and whisks the dancer away for good.

The truth is - Hurley is discontented with her life as a performer, with no way out. Upon meeting Sloane, the ‘beast’ that resides in the theater, she falls in love, and together they plot a scheme that can help them both escape the theater and live a happier life together.

[anistarrose]

oh I would love to hear about the lich academia wip !

(WIP meme here, still taking asks!)

oh boy, excellent choice. this is a premise I've mentioned before under the alternate placeholder title of "Eighth Bird Kravitz Fic Containing No Stolen Century Scenes," where Krav is a Goldcliff music theory professor on sabbatical for a year at Neverwinter. except, in a truly shocking twist, who does he run into on the premises but some weird guy named Barry Bluejeans who seems oddly familiar to him...

oh yeah and Kravitz is unknowingly a lich too in this one. for eighth bird reasons. guess that's useful context

(also TYSM reese for asking about this one, because I've really been having some motivation issues lately, but this premise was quietly calling to me like a siren song — and I ended up writing more than I've written all week, just in the process of making sure I had more than a mere paragraph to share with you!)

—

As of the second time Kravitz sees The Guy, he’s willing to hazard a guess that their Monday-Wednesday schedules look the same. Which wouldn’t be a problem, except — except this time, The Guy sees him too. And doesn’t say anything, just kinda smiles and waves — but for Kravitz, this might as well all be fucking nightmare fuel. 

Shit, does this guy know him? He still doesn’t know this guy. Was this guy important? Is he supposed to know this guy’s name? Is this guy his boss? Does this guy sign off on Krav’s fucking stipend? Kravitz should goddamn remember where he saw that weird fucking sweater vest-and-denim jacket combo going on before! Is he already armpits-deep in an academic faux pas? Raven Queen almighty, spare him from an academic faux pas on just his third entire day —

Kravitz smiles through gritted teeth, and waves back. The guy pleasantly returns his gaze for about five more microseconds, and then bustles away through the crowd, turkey club and napkins in hand.

Oh. He seems like a nice enough guy. And Kravitz likes to think he’s a nice enough guy too, honestly. Other than, like — to students who create a whole percussive instrument out of crunchin’ on Fantasy Fritos in class. Or to Derek, from the Goldcliff Fantasy Senate. Or to those freshman who kept calling their trombones “tromboners” until it, like, wasn’t funny anymore; like, Kravitz used to actually chuckle at that joke, until they ruined it for him. Or to —

You know what, actually. Never mind. The point is, this guy seems nice, and Kravitz is… also able to seem it, so… maybe the fault lines of a massive academic feud aren’t quaking beneath Kravitz’s boots after all. Maybe this Neverwinter sabbatical really will be a break from all the drama — so deep breaths, bud. You’ve got so many ways to figure out this guy’s name before he starts actually speaking to you — you’re gonna crack this case open before he can even say “tenure.”

[noodyl-blasstal]

Can't talk, library's haunted - Chapter 2

Taako goes to the library to get the book back. It should be completely straightforward and nothing can possibly go wrong.

Read below or on Ao3. Missed the first chapter? Catch up here.

--

Taako abandons the car at the back of the car park (fuck taking the time to park properly) and tries very hard to look like he isn’t running as he sprints madly for the door (Taako doesn’t exercise in public, there’s a reason he portals to Goldcliff for DanceDanceDance! class). He crashes elegantly through the door and heads straight for the counter. Well, gay for the counter, because he hasn’t been here in a while and the new guy is a definite improvement on Mrs Plunkett.

Although, actually, no. Priorities. First stop the hot library guy getting taken to the spirit plane or whatever, then look into taking him home instead. Taako can do that. Taako can avoid flirting for at least 10 minutes.

“Hey handsome, Taako hears that you’ve stolen something from him and it’s not just his heart.” Taako winks big and smiles big and hopes the guy will be charmed enough to just hand back the book and maybe his number at the same time if that’s not too much to ask for actually?

Hot librarian narrows his eyes at Taako. Narrows them in a way that implies he’s not feeling particularly wooed. In fact, if Taako had to pick a square on the feelings chart, he looks positively huffy.

“I’m sorry, I must be mistaken, because it sounds like you just came into my place of work and accused me of theft. I’m going to be generous and assume I’m wrong about that?” He says with the clipped, overly polite customer service tone that lets Taako know he’s fucked up real bad.

It shouldn’t make him hotter, Taako hates getting told no, he deserves to get what he wants all of the time forever actually, but hot librarian telling him off has apparently awakened something in him… much to ponder later. Right now though, right now he needs the book before it possesses a load of kids or something equally inconvenient. “Sorry Mr… er… Kravitz.” There, Taako can read name tags, he can be real polite when he needs to, probably. “I’m here because there was an incident with a book, a bookcident, if you will.” His portmanteau doesn’t get a smile exactly, but Kravtiz looks marginally less like he just took an unexpected chomp out of a lemon. “My friend Magnus, good guy, real tall, he’s doing this whole thing with sideburns…”

“Oh yes, I certainly remember him.” Kravitz has adopted the now-familiar-to-Taako slightly haunted look which means Kravitz definitely has encountered Magnus and probably had to put a few library displays back together afterwards. “He came in with a short guy.” Oh fuck. That’s going to make things harder, Magnus could definitely have mentioned that on the phone, he would have baked something to apologise.

“Look, Taako can’t control them, he’s tried, trust me my guy. There’s only so much anyone can do in the face of Magnus and Merle, you just gotta trust it’ll blow over, like a hurricane.”

“They have shelters for those, and warning systems.” Says Kravitz drily.

“If you give me your number I’ll warn you next time.” The words are out of Taako’s mouth before he can even begin to think about why now might notbe the best time. Kravitz sputters slightly, but thankfully doesn’t look angry. Maybe it’s fine if Taako scrambles the order of business just a little, he doesn’t argue with opportunity, thank you so much. He doesn’t stop to get the answer, just ploughs ahead “...But really, cha’boy came here to get a book back. One Magnus accidentally returned. You might have noticed?”

“I did, in fact, notice.” Confirms Kravitz who looks peeved again. “I told your friend immediately that it was not property of the library.” Ah, yes, Taako was swiftly remembering quite how many ‘uh huhs’ Lup had made on the phone. “Then he told me that it was definitely a library book and I must be mistaken.” Okay, not great, could be worse. “He suggested that I should check again while the short bearded guy with him, Merle, was it? Implied I couldn’t read.” That sounds about right. Why did Magnus have to bring Merle? Why did he hate Taako specifically and want to do everything he could to cause him misery at every turn? “But then Merle had to leave because a small child appeared in the door, screamed ‘Dad’ at the top of his lungs and flung himself into the soft play shapes in the children’s section.” Oh fucking hell, Mookie was there? They brought Mookie to a library? On purpose? And didn’t put him in some kind of cage first? Taako needed better friends immediately, yesterday, last week in fact.

“I’m sorry.” Taako says and he truly means it. He doesn’t say it often, but he’s always sorry when Mookie happens to the undeserving.

“I explained, politely may I add, that the book had no library stickers, codes, or stamps, and was therefore not part of our stock.” Kravitz continues.

“That’s super good of you, Magnus does just sometimes need someone to explain so he understands.” Maybe flattery will work? He hadn’t complained about any of the flirting Taako had been doing so that seemed to be a viable option too…

“Well.” Says Kravitz drily “... it clearly didn’t work, did it, or you’d have your book.”

“A good point well made.”

“That was when the shelf collapsed.” Kravitz’s mouth is a thin line now, like Taako forced him to chew down the rest of the surprise lemon, skin and all.

“The shelf collapsed.” He repeats, trying to buy himself time to work out how the fuck to get out of this one. If Taako had to pay damages he was never going to let them forget it. Double interest, charged every hour. “Merle’s kid… Mookie, did he…?” Taako trails off lamely, he already knows the answer.

“... he sure did. Then he got stuck on the top shelf because he’d been climbing it and started screaming, and Merle, was it?” Taako nods his affirmation. “He was too short to get him, and apparently didn’t see the three different step stools in the area. Do you know why we put step stools around the library?” Kravitz looks at him over his glasses and Taako passionately hates how into it he is.

“So people can reach things on high shelves?” Getting the answer right will hopefully demonstrate that Taako isn’t like them.

“Yes. Which would have immediately resolved the problem. Do you know what he chose to do instead” Please not plant growth, please not plant growth. “He grew some kind of vine, whispered something to it which I’m 100% certain was not suitable for public consumption judging by his body language, and it pulled Mookie down.” Kravitz’s face is stony again at the memory.

“At least he was safe?” Taako tries, but his heart isn’t in it.

“He screamed the entire time, the plant ruined my carpet, and most of the books had to go to the repair cupboard.” Kravitz looks like he would have been fine with Mookie splatting back down to the carpet as long as he did it without making too much of a mess. Honestly, Taako gets it. He’s been there himself.

“Yeah, the kid’s a lot, a lot, but I’m sure you can understand a father’s impulse to save his imperilled son?” Taako does his best imploring look, all big eyes and dramatic pout. Channels ‘think about kissing these lips’, and ‘stop thinking about the weird plant sex stuff we like to pretend Merle doesn’t do’.

Kravitz sighs heavily. “It would have been a lot of forms if he’d fallen.”

“There we go! That’s the spirit. Anyway, about my book?” Taako raises his eyebrows. He’s doing it baby, little flatter, little flirt, wham bam, return my book, how’s 8pm for dinner? Flawless transition.

“I’m afraid Magnus donated it.” Kravitz, to his credit, does look a bit sorry.

“He fucking what now?”

“Well, he told me to keep it.” Kravitz shrugs.

“And that’s it? He says keep it, and now you own my stuff? Even if I married you you’d only get half.”

Kravitz chokes on his own spit about that one. Serves him right, going round stealing books people give him. “Look, Taako, was it?” He waits for Taako to nod affirmation. Taako does, but really small, so Kravitz knows he’s not speaking to him. “I did try to give it back multiple times. After the shelf thing he told me to keep it, then I tried a few more times, and eventually he yelled ‘cheese it’, grabbed the other two, and literally ran out of the library with one of them under each arm. I’m not entirely sure what you expected me to do in that situation?”

“Give it back to the hot elf who stopped in to get it?” Taako smiles winningly, then remembers he’s not talking to Kravitz and clamps his lips shut again.

“No matter how hot the elf may” Kravitz takes a moment to give Taako a particularly lingering once over. “...or may not be.” Taako laughs indignantly. May not be? May not be? Taako has a mirror. Kravitz would be lucky. “Fine, who are we kidding, may be.” Kravitz rolls his eyes and Taako preens about it. “I did the paperwork and added it to our stock.”

“It’s in the library?” Taako’s back on task now, it absolutely cannot be in the library, there’s kids in the library. This book needs supervision at the best of times, but especially around children.

“Sir, you know what state it was in, there was no way I could put it straight into stock. It’s in the repair cupboard.” Kravitz side eyes him. “Thankfully I have restoration experience because most places wouldn’t even know where to start. Have you been storing it upright? Because that’s…”

“... bad for the spines, I know.” Kravitz looks pleased to hear it, maybe Taako’s winning him round here, surely Kravitz will understand. “Bubbleh, I can guarantee you it has been laid down flat as a pancake, but I also happen to really need it back for one incredibly serious repair which I’m not sure you’re gonna be able to do.” Taako realises his mistake immediately, Kravitz bristles at the concept that there’s anything Taako can do that he can’t.

“Oh, and you know a lot about my conservation degrees do you? About the previous works I’ve restored? Read my resume, have you, Taako?”

Danger, danger! Taako needs to tread carefully, delicately, he cannot escalate the situation.

“Says the guy who looked at me and decided I’m a simple idiot wizard with no idea what he’s doing that you can definitely outperform?” Okay, so maybe deescalation isn’t Taako’s strong suit, but Kravitz is being rude too.

“Sir, you need to leave. You donated the book, it’s part of my stock now.”

Sir? Sir! How very dare Kravitz customer service him. Plus, Taako can’t leave. He might have to say goodbye to Kravitz’s number, but he definitely has to get the book. “Can I see the repair cupboard?” He asks, desperately.

“That was absolutely terrible.” Kravitz laughs for the first time. “You, you thought, I’d? After you? Spectacular. Goddess, you’re the most fun I’ve had all day.”

“I can be the most fun you’ll have all night too if you just gimme the book, kemosabe.” It’s not Taako’s fault that Kravitz keeps setting him up. He only has himself to blame.

Kravitz raises an eyebrow. “Does that work often?”

“I can honestly and truthfully say I’ve never used it before, so you’ll be the only statistic I have to analyse.” Taako needs to stop. He really needs to stop.

Kravitz looks at him for a long moment. Hopefully Taako hasn’t pushed it too far. “What’s the issue with the book?”

“Sorry what?”

“Don’t make me regret asking. The restoration issue that I won’t be able to cope with, apparently.”

“It’s, er, something really complex. You probably wouldn't have heard of it.”

Kravitz laughs and shakes his head at Taako as if he’s some two bit incompetent liar who can’t come up with a convincing story or something. “Atrocious. You couldn’t even say something about gilt tile blocking on cloth spines. ‘Oh but Kravitz, the historical value of my book, it needs to be preserved to demonstrate the contemporary advances.’”

Taako really wants to ask more questions about the words Kravitz just made happen, despite the fact he did it in a terrible impression of Taako’s voice, but he really had to focus on the book.

“Well how was I supposed to know you’d be hot and smart.” It’s not exactly Taako’s fault that Kravitz just knows things, is it? “Look,” he says, and leans in real close. “...I’m gonna level with you, Taako knows when he’s been bested, you can have the truth even though it’s mortifying. I left some journal pages in there, Krav, very personal journal pages, if you know what I mean, and I’ll tell you all about them later over dinner if you just let me get them back.” Kravitz is doing his frowny face again. “I’ll just take it out to my car, whip them out, and head right back in with it. You’ll barely even know it’s gone.” Taako smiles his most reassuring smile.

“Just to check, just to clarify exactly what you’re asking me right now, you want me to give you the book you came here to get back and let you walk to your car with it, but it’s okay because you promise you’ll definitely bring it back?” Taako nods encouragingly. “... and you need to do that because you’ve got what I assume you’re implying is horny journal pages in there?”

“Yes?” Says Taako. Look, it’s not his best work, but he’s been busy. Taako needs a nap, so forgive him for The Horny Journal Pages Defence… on the upside he can add it to his list of ‘bands which don’t exist but I’m making merch for’.

Kravitz stares at him again and looks like he might be contemplating murder. Taako probably needs to fix this. “You can come with me if you want. There’s no one else in here.” He gestures expansively at the empty space.

Kravitz’s frowny face gets frownier. “So now you think I’m incompetent, incapable of fixing a book, and wasting my time being here!” Kravtiz ticks them off on his fingers as he goes and Taako should definitely be focusing on the words, but his flouncy shirt sleeves have fallen back and his forearms are toned and Taako wants to know if the rest matches. “Oh, and of course, stupid enough to be likely to go out to what might be your murder van for all I know?” Oh that’d do it.

“It’s a nissan figaro! It’s pink!” How dare Kravitz imply he’d drive anything blocky and unpleasant. Taako’s all about impractical and fun, baby. Just wait ‘til Kravitz sees the bumper stickers on Garyl. ‘Murder free since 1803’ is on there somewhere, maybe that will reassure him? A bumper sticker would never lie.

“Oh, sorry, my mistake, you want me to go out to your tiny pink murder car with you.”

“I’ll let you hold the book.”

“Yeah, until you snatch it out of my hands and do a runner.”

Taako gasps, how dare Kravitz accuse him of exercise. “My guy, my dude, Taako does not run.”

“I saw you sprinting across the car park. I’m not sure if you’re familiar with windows but they’re big glass walls which let you see in but also let me see out.”

Taako snorts out a laugh against his will, hopes Kravitz doesn’t notice, and leans on the counter in an attempt to look serious. “Look, if you tell anyone about the running stuff, I’ll have to kill you.”

“That is specifically the situation I’m trying to avoid right now.”

“Fuck, look, the book’s haunted, handsome, so unless you want spooks for days all up in this bitch, you need to let me yeet the beastie out of it. I’ll even let you have it back after, can’t guarantee what kind of state it’ll be in, but I have every faith in your ability to repair it.” Taako smiles the biggest smile he could possibly smile, then dims it a bit because Kravitz looks alarmed and he isn’t entirely sure if it’s because of what he just said or the amount of teeth he’s doing about it.

“The book’s haunted?”

“Yep.” Taako nods for emphasis.

“I see why you tried the sexy journal pages first. Goddess, that’s terrible.”

“It’s true, ghost book is what it is, kemosabe. I get that you’re doing the goth thing, but trust me, you don’t want this guy to add to the spooky mystique around these here parts.”

“You’re threatening me with a ghost?”

“No, I’m not threatening you with anything, I’m offering you a free book once I’ve de-spooked it. That’s a bargain.”

“You’re offering me a free book which I already own.”

“Look, I’ve got my proof of purchase, I can show you the book is legally mine and therefore legally not Magnus’ and therefore you can’t have it. I can also show you exactly why you need to give it back to me for like mmmmm 10 minutes.”

“Fine.”

“What?” Taako doesn’t know why that worked, he was throwing spaghetti at the wall and hoping for the best. Thank the fates that one stuck.

“Fine, show me the ‘spook book’. If you can convince me it’s haunted then you can have it back for 10 minutes, but I’m sitting in the car so if you try to run away you’re taking me with you.”

“Don’t threaten me with a good time.”

“Sorry, what?”

“Nothing, don’t worry about it.” Taako flaps his hand dismissively. “Right Kraveroo, show me the cupboard.”

Kravitz doesn’t look like he’s sure if he’s about to explode into glitter or flames. Instead of either he just shrugs and starts walking. Taako hangs back a few steps, you know, for business purposes and not the view.

-

Thank you for reading! Find chapter 3 here

[natjennie]

when tres horny boys absolutely merk barbara and throw his body off the edge of goldcliff. and they check his pockets and find pictures of his family and say they all "look racist" so they feel less bad about killing him. protagonists of all time.

[herbgerblin]

link to the blupjeans fic about fucking in the catacombs?

Lmao when I say I minor I mean a conversation in a fic that is not about them. but frankly it would be funny if that was in itself a fic. Anyway it’s this one and also here’s the scene:

—

“I’m running out of date ideas!�� Taako grumbles. He sits at the table with Lup, two practically empty dinner plates between them.

“You could visit the Goldcliff Catacombs?” Barry offers, washing pots in the kitchen.

“Goldcliff has catacombs?” Taako asks.

“Gotta put all those bodies that accidently fell off the cliffs somewhere,” Lup explains.

“Noted,” Taako says, scrunching his nose. He messes around with a single brussel sprout on his plate. “I don’t know. Visiting some dusty, underground caverns sounds like a less than ideal date.”

“I beg to differ,” Lup replies. “Barry and I went there during our honeymoon. Very romantic.”

“Taako is not going into a dark, creepy, cavernous gravesite,” He mutters. “At least not without available backup.” He looks up as Barry walks into the dining room and pulls up a seat beside Lup. “What if we made it a double date? You two have been there before, you could give us a tour!”

“Can’t,” Lup and Barry both say.

“What do you mean can’t? ” Taako asks.

“We’ve…” Barry starts, and his face slowly turns a peculiar shade of red. “Been banned.”

Taako squints. “Banned? How do you get banned from the catacombs? Geez, I know you’re intense mortuary nerds, but what were you trying to do? Reanimate them?”

“ Something was animated , ” Lup mumbles, eyes locked on her plate.

“No,” Taako says. He stands up. “No, no, no, no, no, no, no. You did not.”

“It was our honeymoon.”

“NO. I hate you guys, oh my gods.” He rushes out of the room. “I’m never talking goth dates with you again!” He stomps out of the room, hands over ears, and hurries up the stairs.

“I’d steer clear of the Old Castle in Rockport as well,” Lup calls after him.

“I can’t hear you!” Taako yells back, followed by incoherent shouting.

[thatgirlonstage]

Hey have a fucked up TAZ thought for the day. Gently pushing aside Merle and Gundran somehow literally being blood related, the people that the seven birds like grew up with and knew before the IPRE obviously wouldn’t… exist on Faerun. Or even if we take Griffin’s hand-wavey explanation of Gundran and accept that there are some of the same people in this particular planar system, these versions of those people wouldn’t have the faintest goddamn clue who the birds are. From what we’ve seen of the voidfish, it will to an extent overwrite its own inconsistencies, but it doesn’t have the ability to implant totally false memories in disconnected people. Lucretia couldn’t have done that.

And I know we kind of generally agree that all of our birds are orphaned and generally solitary people, which is borne up by none of them (LUCKILY FOR GRIFFIN LMAO) ever randomly being like hey let me roll to see if my dear childhood friend Claire lives in Goldcliff now or something or otherwise referencing connections from their childhood, but like— they couldn’t possibly have known no one at all who was still alive and in touch with them when they blasted off to space.

So like. What if, after the destruction of Raven’s Roost, Magnus actually tried to do the healthy thing first. He’s devastated, he’s not thinking straight, but he’s not quite at fling himself off a cliff in despair levels, so he does what you’re supposed to do: he reaches out to a friend. No one from Raven’s Roost, obviously, but an older friend, someone he met on fantasy study abroad and had maintained a pen pal relationship with for years. He hasn’t written to them recently, of course, bc he’s been so busy with the rebellion, and Julia—he sent them an invitation to his wedding but they must not have been able to come. Or it got lost in the fantasy mail! Shit happens—but he feels sure they wouldn’t turn him away, certainly not in this state. They’d at least give him somewhere to crash for a week, let him sleep through some of the worst of the grief.

He turns up on their doorstep and they’re—not there. According to the gnome couple that live there, they’ve never been there. This has been the gnome couple’s house for 120 years. No one of the name Magnus is giving has lived here since before he was born.

He asks around town. Goes to the school he studied at and asks for records. Literally hires a divination wizard to try a scry because he’s fucking desperate at this point.

This person, this person Magnus got sloppy drunk with, who got into a bar fight back to back with him, who helped him struggle through Elvish grammar and cantrip lessons, who wrote to him about the gorgeous half-orc boy they wanted to marry, who sent him chocolate every Candlenights, this person doesn’t. Fucking. Exist. Has never existed, as far as Magnus or anyone else can tell.

Spooked, and grieving no less, and seriously afraid for his friend’s well being, Magnus thinks okay. Okay. He needs help. He needs perspective. He tries someone else, someone maybe a little more distant but still reliable. An old school coach, maybe. Someone who gave him his first sparring sessions when he was training to be a fighter.

That man did exist, but he’s been dead for eight years according to people in town. Which isn’t fucking possible, because Magnus saw him for lunch four years ago.

Okay. Okay. Okay. Someone else. Who else can he talk to.

He goes to a town where he once spent a summer interning for a dog trainer. He learned so much there. It would be good to be around dogs again.

The woman he trained with has no memory of him at all. She doesn’t recognize him, she doesn’t recognize his name, she doesn’t believe him when he says he knows her. She doesn’t recognize half the dogs he talks about. She chases him off her property, accusing him of trying to steal from her, although he hadn’t asked for anything.

The next one was dead too.

The next one didn’t know him either.

The next one didn’t exist.

Magnus’s family, friends, and acquaintances are a string of “dead” “don’t remember him” or “apparently, never fucking real” until he says fine, fucking fine. He’s not the type to spiral into despair. He’ll do some good before he goes out.

But he is going to go out.

Because if no one still alive even knows who he is, what is he living for?

[asterdeer]

dizzy and about to be physically sick to my stomach No Discernible Reason. gonna think about how much karlach would love battlewagon racing in goldcliff

[sliceroftpeirweirisles]

Whumpuary 2024 Day 8

8. (Jan 15-16)

Muffled Screams / Hostage / "You look awful"

“Sloan! You are not a killer!” Hurley screams from the remains of the shattered bank's stained glass window. “Don’t get any closer to them!” 

Sloan looks up at Hurley silhouetted in the light and makes a very hasty split decision that she will not be taken into custody. Sloan jumps further inside, closer to the trio of fighters who are all unconscious on the ground. 

“Don’t come any closer!” Sloan shouts as spear-like vines grow from around her, each one aiming very clearly at the three boys. Hurley’s eyes go wide when she realizes what’s happening. 

Sloan is taking hostages. 

“You don’t want to do this, Sloan!” Hurley tries to reason with her, hands outstretched in a surrendered state. “I know you’re scared, but you can’t go down like this.” 

“I will not have my power taken from me!” Sloan shouts, vines creeping ever so slightly closer to the fallen heroes. 

“Sloan, s-stop, we can work something out!” Hurley tries again, taking a very cautious step closer. “You don’t have to go to the Goldcliff Prison, you just have to let those three go. Step away from them and you can save them! They need healing - look, that one is barely hanging on!” Hurley pleads as she points to the elf who looks like he may not be breathing. 

Sloan looks at the three boys, her breathing becoming more erratic. She didn’t mean for things to go this far. No one was listening to her, and she feared being apprehended before she could even finish her plan. 

-Whatever that halfling offers cannot compare to the power that is coming, Sloan dearest- 

Sloan grimaces when the Gaia Sash talks to her. She can feel control slipping away from her as the Sash once again takes over her mind. 

“Y-you can’t guarantee that I walk free, halfling. But you can count on the fact that this is not over.” Sloan speaks through gritted teeth. Her vines crawl away from the unconscious trio and, just as quickly, they cut a path for her escape out a separate window. 

“Sloan, no!” Hurley yells as she tries to run after her again. Sloan is long gone before she even reaches the opening. Hurley’s shoulders slump, a feeling of defeat washing over her. She was so close to Sloan… she could have done something, anything, to try and save her. Hurley’s mind quickly snapped to attention as she realized the three boys Captain Captain Bane had sent in here were still in danger. 

[anistarrose]

[Image description: minimalist posters for locations from the first six arcs of The Adventure Zone: Balance. Each image contains the arc name, the location name, and a lineless graphic for that location.

Here There Be Gerblins has a well, for Phandalin.

Murder on the Rockport Limited depicts the Rockport Limited steam engine.

Petals to the Metal depicts three pink blossoms for Goldcliff.

The Crystal Kingdom depicts overlapping, multicolored mirrors for Lucas's laboratory.

The Eleventh Hour has a clock tower, for Refuge.

The Suffering Game depicts the Wheel of Sacrifice, with only the skull symbol visible, for Wonderland.

End description.]

“We’re nearly caught up now. Have you been paying attention?”