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pistatsia · 1 year ago

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Don Lorenzo: We all come from childhood (Part 1)

In fact, I have so many questions about Lorenzo that I'm just- I'm not ready to let him go. I love him so much. I really hope that someday we'll get a novel/chapter with him and Snuffy, because otherwise, the world would be too unfair.

He's good, caring, funny, the best, and generally-

Okay, this is where I'll stop and get to the point haha

(Here somewhere I'm looking too deep, somewhere I'm ignoring the farcical setting of Blue Lock. A lot here is based on my own experience (I also was thrown out of home by my parents when I was 13). Some things of course will be misinterpreted since the whole truth is known only by Kaneshiro-sensei. Also, consider the fact that most of the things described here are unconscious)

1. Relationships/Attachment

Lorenzo is a very loving and grateful person.

It is evident to anyone that his relationship with Snuffy is imbued with warmth and trust. Lorenzo genuinely loves him, he is willing to do anything for him.

Even his conversation with Barou is initiated in order to get him on Snuffy's side, going through all of his traumas and 'exposing himself' to Barou. Making himself vulnerable, because telling someone that you were once abandoned by your parents is like showing them that you have a flaw that made the most important people in your life disgusted with you. That you're wrong. It's like pointing at your chest and saying 'here's the heart, if you want to hurt me, hit me here'.

And he's doing all this to help Snuffy.

And it's obvious that Snuffy wouldn't have asked him to do that - it was Lorenzo's initiative. He loves him very much - even though Snuffy isn't perfect, and of course has made his mistakes (which you can't avoid when you're in your late twenties picking up a teenager off the street after a friend's suicide and career collapse). But that's something we'll get back to a little later.

Lorenzo doesn't pay attention to any of this - he doesn't care what else Snuffy could have given him. He's grateful for what Snuffy has already given him.

Speaking of his relationship with Barou, it's obvious that they both care for each other equally. Barou isn't rude to him (well, 'not rude' like classic Barou), he accepts him despite all the quirks (I'll come back to that too a bit later), and Lorenzo feels it. For him, Barou is a 'Snuffy' type of person, perfectly accepting and gentle, without the endless pull-push in affection. They're like a reference point that helps ground and gain confidence in the relationship with both of them.

Lorenzo is also quite open in his affections. He has a certain authority within the Ubers, giving them the command to "get to work". He doesn't avoid people or push them away in the fear of intimacy and the pain that follows, but reaches out to them himself. In doing so, he shows no visible fear of being rejected - on the contrary, he behaves as freely and even strangely as possible, without trying to adjust his behaviour to society's standards; behaviour that would make him 'his own'. Remember this moment, because it will be important a bit later.

He adores both Barou and Snuffy so much because they accept him without question. Like, you're like this, so what?

They accept him absolutely.

But why is that acceptance so important to Lorenzo?

2. Fear of abandonment.

I think it's redundant to say that having experienced this as a child, it's impossible to become a person with a completely healthy type of attachment. His parents, the people who brought him into this world, who were supposed to teach him how to live, feel and love, abandoned him in the street alone, leaving him to survive and starve. In doing so, apparently keeping his other two brothers for themselves. Lorenzo was the only one left behind. Can you imagine how a child feels after something like that? If they were kept and I was abandoned, I'm definitely broken, I'm disfigured on some primal level, I'm always worse.

I was already born wrong.

The fear of rejection is something that is 99% likely for Lorenzo to have.

Remember his motto: "Give me a job. Give me money. Give me love." What can a man whose most basic desire is love be afraid of? That he'll lose it.

Can you imagine what that does to the psyche? After such events, one can't help but question oneself. What did I do wrong? Why did things happen the way they did? If I had behaved differently, if I had stayed away from my parents, if I had been more obedient, would I have been kept?

Was it all my fault?

And he lived alone with these thoughts not for a day or two - but probably for years. He says that he lived this life already when he 'was little'. These thoughts may have been reinforced afterwards because he began to realize the moral wrongness of what he was doing to survive (stealing). The psyche can be very persistent in convincing us of bad things: you should have found another way, you let everyone down, Snuffy picked up someone who wasn't worth it.

Beyond that, as much as I like to portray Lorenzo and Snuffy as parent and child in my writing, it's likely that their relationship is more of a friendship. Even the graffiti caption in the moment where Snuffy picks him up says "who finds a friend finds a treasure".

Snuffy probably didn't live with Lorenzo for a long time - I think he picked him up, fulfilled his wishes, and then sent him to treatment and helped him with his football career. That's already a huge gift, and even more so for Lorenzo. They kept in contact, they saw each other often, they probably called each other.

But at the same time Snuffy was playing at a football club and winning trophies, which you can't do if you're not 100% invested. He was on constant travelling between countries and games. He just didn't have time to always be with Lorenzo - and it's likely that Snuffy (who wasn't given the "How to deal with a teenager abandoned by his parents and saved from starvation" manual) might not have thought about it. It would have been fine on his end. Why? Because Lorenzo, especially as a child, would not have shown him that anything was wrong - remembering the way his parents had thrown him out, he wouldn't have let it happen again. He wouldn't talk about his problems, he wouldn't impose, he'd do anything just to please. Just to be comfortable. Maybe even blaming himself for having those needs, because Snuffy already seemed to have done a hundred times more for him than he should have (from his point of view, of course).

He'd do anything to avoid causing trouble - only for not being left behind.

Imagine - getting someone's love, and not being able to feel it all the time? Constantly losing the only person who ever genuinely loved and cared for you and gave you a chance to start a new life, seeing him off on flights and likely for seasons to other clubs (it's not known how long Snuffy played for the Ubers, but it's likely he was under contract with them and then the club loaned him out to leagues in the countries where he wanted those trophies for Mick. Otherwise the chronology between Mick's death, Lorenzo's find and Blue Lock seems too compressed). It's in some ways even scarier than not feeling love at all ever. Because it's far worse to get love and then lose it again and again.

Even so, Snuffy showed him what it feels like to be loved. He gave him purpose and a new life. He gave him an understanding of that healthy basic need that Lorenzo is so eager to fill - the need for love.

But then we look at his behaviour and we have... questions. Why is Lorenzo so embarrassing? Why does he act so defiant? Why doesn't he adjust to others like, for example, Isagi and Hiori, who were also afraid of being alone? It would seem that if you're weird, you'll never be accepted. If you don't fit in, you won't be loved. Yes, we can say that he just still doesn't fit into social norms because he missed the moment of childhood adaptation to this world, and just doesn't know how to do it. But as the conversation with Barou shows, he is capable of being completely serious in the right moments. He consciously behaves the way he is, without holding back.

We can say that Snuffy showed him that he could be loved for nothing, for himself, whatever he was. But still, after experiencing so many rejections Lorenzo would either fixate on Snuffy alone (only he cares about me, and no one else) or still subconsciously withdraw into a passive role in human relationships. Again, making himself comfortable.

But why does he behave like this in spite of this - making jokes about money, meowing and barking (I'm sorry), not shying away from making jokes about rivals and acquaintances? Why is he so uncomfortable for them?

Because the best defence is offence.

Most likely, when he was a kid, Lorenzo did tried to adjust to his parents. And obviously, even if he succeeded, they still ended up abandoning him. His strategy didn't work, and then it probably didn't work while living on the streets either. He tried to secure his safety, to make sure of it, but then he was tossed out of it.

And that's been imprinted on his memory.

It's both a defence mechanism on his part and an unconscious demonstration of "here I am, this is how bad I am". He was already rejected when he tried to fit in - so why try now, especially when he has Snuffy?

Think of how pejoratively he talks about himself. How he smiles broadly when he talks about his tragic past. He's being deliberately defiant - yes, I believe only money has power in this world, yes, I was a street rat. Why does he say this, if in order to be accepted he has to hide his flaws? Yes, the past may be impossible to hide, but other things?

Because if he says it himself, and if he laughs about it himself, showing that he doesn't care, it won't hurt him so much when others will talk about it.

He literally shouts with his appearance - that's how I am! I'm ugly inside and out, I'm a mess, I'm wrong! I'm impossible to love!

Because if he shows it first, he can endure it when someone else says it.

Are you saying I only care about money, Mihya? Ha, and I already know, I've already said it myself!

In a relationship, Lorenzo is prepared in advance for the fact that sooner or later this, in his opinion, ugly and vile essence in him, because of which his parents abandoned him, will be recognised, and he will be rejected again. And sets himself up a safe base so that this time it won't be as painful for him as it once was with his parents.

He adores Barou and Snuffy so much precisely because they accept this ugly shell without question. Like, here you are, so what? Sure, he probably doubts them on bad days too, but they're still like stable lighthouses for him.

So we've covered why Lorenzo acts so openly and perhaps even defiantly. It's a perpetual test of boundaries and a way to protect himself from rejection - how much of this will you take from me? Are you sure you're okay with this? Think again. I'm uncomfortable for you. I will always be.

But there's one thing that doesn't fit with his behaviour, even with that said.

His "There's nothing in this world money can't buy."

He is obsessed with money, explicitly saying that everything in life can be bought with it (of course, this is not necessarily true - sometimes people lie about themselves as well). He judges players by their stakes, and even calls Raichi worthless. But it seems that the love he longs for this much cannot be bought. And Lorenzo is well aware of this - 'money' and 'love' go separately in his motto.

Dissonance, isn't it? Seems strange for a man like him.

So we move on to the next part of the analysis.

3. A price of the man.

I'm actually very interested in Lorenzo's real relationship with money. I'm sure that because of this terrible background he is quite impulsive (I'll tell you more about this in the second part of the analysis), and more specifically impulsive in his purchases. Even if we're talking about ordinary ones - buying a more expensive juice in a shop, choosing an ice cream not on sale, accidentally buying an adult public transport ticket instead of a youth one. Any expense perceived by the psyche as 'unnecessary' must be met with guilt - either suppressed and ignored, or vivid. Because the psyche has no switch between 'here' and 'then'. It's used to reacting to trigger events according to a certain script that once perhaps helped Lorenzo to survive by avoiding unnecessary expenses. Except now everything seems to be fine, right? Money's there.

But you can't explain it to yourself so easily.

Let's go back to Lorenzo's statements about money and his attitude to it. He quite logically, after such a life, believes that money solves many problems, if not all of them.

But this stance of his goes a little further than the prices of things and services.

Remember how he was introduced to us as a character? He remembers the price of every player, he mocks Raichi, he's sarcastic in response to Kaiser's claim.

He asks - Michel, if I defeat you, will I be worth more than you?

Lorenzo still believes that people have some mythical 'value' that he alone cannot grasp. His brothers were more valuable than he was. His parents' lives without him were more valuable than he was. Every person who passed him in the street was more valuable than him.

He believes that on his own he was worth nothing - and that's why he was abandoned.

Remember what he says about his little self? Good-for-nothing. But it's not true. Lorenzo was a kid who just couldn't do anything under those circumstances. He didn't need to be good for anything - he needed to grow up and be a happy little kid. And he was robbed of that.

But he still doesn't accept it, mocking it.

The whole Mr Worthless thing with Raichi is an obvious reference to himself. Because he too, from his point of view, was once worthless. I'm worthless, so I don't matter and I'm nothing.

But why is this 'worth' of his so important to Lorenzo, especially now, apart from those people?

Because little children have nothing but themselves, and can give nothing but themselves and their love. But Lorenzo knows that he-child was not enough. He was worthless. He was not loved for who he was. But his brothers were loved. They were 'valuable'.

And this belief remained sitting inside him at a very deep level.

And, believing that on his own he is not worth love and never will be, what can he do but think of a way to still get it?

The way out for him is to 'earn' that love.

In fact, though certainly not intentionally, Snuffy's words probably played a role here as well. A deal, salvation in exchange for a football playing.

This only strengthened these beliefs Lorenzo had about himself and about living with a system of people's 'value'.

Snuffy didn't just give him 'money, work and love'. He gave him a way to earn it all. He gave him a way to gain this mythical 'value' that would guarantee his safety - that he would not be abandoned.

On his own, he didn't deserve to be saved.

But what did deserve saving was his talent.

The only thing that Lorenzo thought was valuable about him.

Snuffy's whole philosophy with football - a job that you earn your value with and see it in the form of rates and rental prices - actually suits Lorenzo very well. Because he doesn't feel valuable on his own - only in relation to achievements. And so this semi-comedic treatment of others as money is actually a terrible reflection of his same treatment of himself.

The more he's worth (again, the scene with Kaiser and "will I be worth more than you") the safer he feels.

Lorenzo is sure that he will be abandoned as soon as he makes a mistake and loses his 'value'. And the only way to avoid that is to stay 'valuable'.

Yes, rationally he probably knows that Snuffy won't abandon him. That Ubers care about him. That he's no longer the helpless child he once was. That he can defend himself now.

But we have not just rational intelligence, we also have an emotional one. And the latter continues to throw out familiar beliefs about ourselves, formed from childhood and youth, to any trigger, and influence all our thoughts and actions.

And sometimes it is simply not possible to fight it alone.

#I love him so much that it's painful #how I'm supposed to live laugh love without him #character examination #blue lock analysis #bllk analysis #don lorenzo #marc snuffy #bllk #blue lock

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dufferpuffer · 4 months ago

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Order member ages

Just wanted to post this as its own thing for future reference. People often say Dumbledore recruits directly from Hogwarts, but it never seemed to line up with how old most of the members were...? So - I looked up who all the known members are! :)

First War:

Order was founded 1970 at the earliest - dissolved 1981. Earliest birthday possible: 1953, graduating 1970

S. Black, class of 78. R. Lupin, class of 78. P. Pettigrew, class of 78. J.+ L. Potter, class of 78. S. Snape, class of 78 E. Bones - Murdered w. wife + kids. Brother of the Head of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement, Amelia Bones. M. Fletcher - already well integrated in Wizarding crime world. A.+ F. Longbottom - They would have been OLDER than the Potters as they were 'Prominent Aurors' and Auror training takes years to complete. A. Moody - Legendary Auror. Retired after this war. S. Podmore - Born 1956/1957, apparently…? G.+ F. Prewitt - Molly Weasley's brothers. E. Doge - Albus' schoolmate. Ab. Dumbledore - His brother. A. Figg - old Squib. R. Hagrid - He was 51 when Harry was born Unknown age estimate: C. Dearborn - Missing. D. Diggle. B. Fenwick - 'bits of him' were discovered. D. Meadowes - Personally killed by Voldemort, might mean he is a skilled adult. M. McKinnon - Killed 'with her whole family' E. Vance - 'stately looking with a green shawl' in the the 90s.

Note with the Longbottoms: They were 'Prominent Aurors' - which means they worked for the Ministry for some time. If they were born 1953, and thus graduated 1970 - they would only be 27 when Neville was born... giving them a little time to have built their careers while still being a younger couple. But was the Order formed right at the crack of the war...?

Second War:

F. Delacour - 95/96 at Gringotts, joined the order through Bill. H. Jones - Unknown age. Never mentioned to be at Hogwarts while Harry is there. N. Tonks - Adult, well into Auror training. C + B Weasley - Adult, well into their own careers. A + M Weasley - Born 1949/1950. M. McGonagall - I mean I suppose she was recruited from Hogwarts hey haha K. Shacklebolt - An Auror; my man became Minister of Magic F + G Weasley - 'Graduated' 95/96 - opened store H. Granger; R. Weasley - First mission seems to be when 17 H. Potter - Did some things with Albus at 16...? Unclear.

If I am missing anyone please add B^)

- Harry was doomed to face Voldemort anyway. Does he really count as an Order member...? He's more the reason the order exists. - Ron and Hermione are there in support of Harry - and only do things for the Order after Albus' death, when they are 17 and don't have much choice, they are hunted. Is it really 'joining the Order' when the order barely exists anymore...? - Fred and George... did they do any Order things before Albus' death...? Were they just running their shop, with their Mum breathing down their backs to not get involved? Unclear.

Notes to do with the second Order: Molly is against the children participating. Sirius, Lupin, probably some others but I can't remember are in support of it.

Albus Dumbledore was also against the children participating - especially in 95/96, where his whole deal was trying to keep them at school, safe - even though they weren't learning jack shit. It takes Harry having a meltdown, Sirius dying - and Dumbledore being cursed - for him to go "Fuck it... Harry, you should help. I gotta teach you before I die."

Observations about both Orders:

They both have a large group that come from one source. In the First War it was the Marauders, in the second the Weasleys.

They also share an 'Auror talent' that seem more affiliated with Moody than they do Albus: Tonks and the Longbottoms.

It makes sense that when one person joins others are likely to follow. The Weasley parents -> the Weasley kids -> Fleur. James, Sirius -> Peter, Remus, Lily -> Severus.

That's not really recruitment from school.

If I personally were to use the school to groom/recruit children to fight for me in a war: I would be trying to get the best from every year. I would be heavily encouraging kids from all year levels that show promise to take certain classes and learn certain spells... Then, I would assess them when they graduate: '71, '72, '73, '74, '75, '76, '77, '78 was a big year. '79, '80... A constant trickle. A couple of new people this year, one the next - and they are all likely to bring at least a friend along, too - right...?

Yet we don't really see that happen. It's just that one bumper crop from 78, that one friend group. Were there NO talented graduates in any other year...? Was ONLY Griffindor considered...?

There isn't exactly a 'skill requirement' to join the Order. You had people there just to source information. Remus did werewolf jobs. Peter Pete'd all over the place. There were min. 2 pregnancies...

They were losing people - if they needed quantity over quality, if they only really needed base loyalty and a good heart... why NOT recruit more students? And yet there's just one blip in 78.

That doesn't particularly scream 'groomed child soldiers' to me. BUT - there are 6 people from the first Order whose ages can't be estimated. Are they the missing child soldiers from the years before/after the Marauders? Dunno.

#hp #hp meta #mainly for my own sake #sorry if im rambling #mywrite #order member ages

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retrieve-the-kraken · 1 month ago

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Okay, preliminary thoughts, after first time watching season 3 of Heartstopper.

SPOILERS!!!

(Some of these are just me screaming and probably lack context, i just wrote this really fast whilst watching, and then forgot what else was happening.)

MY BABIES ARE BACK!

- Not me doing a happy dance and squeeing with joy when Isaac says “I’m not in the mood to give my friends a vocab lesson.” SAME!

- Crying already.

- TORI!

- Nellie, like a good doggo, waiting for her dad outside the bathroom, really got me. That look!!!!!

- I loved Hailey Atwell as aunt Diane, but I still missed Olivia Colman so much… she made too much of an impact as Sarah, and you can really feel her absence.

- Screaming at the fact that they got Annette Badland (from Ted Lasso and Big Boys) to be Darcy’s gran!!! I love her, she’s perfect.

- OMG The Teachers ™

- If episode 3 was already getting to me and then episode 4 was super sad, I was still unprepared for the scene where Nick cries in Tao’s arms. (Something something Nick in his superhero outfit trying to be Charlie’s superhero, but also needing to cry, will delve more into that in my full episode analysis…)

- I weep every time I reread the comic when Charlie goes to talk to his parents, but hearing everything out of Charlie’s mouth made it even worse. I’m a mess…

- I honestly looooooved how they did episode 4, with the quick catch-up flashback structure and two perspectives. I didn’t think it would work, but it was great.

- It took me a whole 5 seconds to realize that when Nick said “vintage camera” he was referring to the HANDYCAM that Will’s dad used, and I honestly never thought I would feel the urge to punch Nick Nelson but I did…

- “I hope that when you get back you don’t feel like you have to lie to us anymore.” LOOOOOOOVED that whole home video they did for Charlie, perfect vibe, it was so nicely done. But that line really got me… Isaac was perfect this season.

- More crying…

- OMG the Charlie painting!!! All of Elle’s paintings! I wonder who made those really? Whose style is it? Have they ever talked about it??? I need to know!

- “I hope I get a soul”, “I hope I get mental health”. I didn’t know I could ask for these things for Christmas…

- Imogen was hilarious and so beautifully developed this season. Much like Nick, she’s going through a whole self-discovery phase, but hers is not as perfect.

- HENRYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!

- “Is this the boyfriend?” I need to talk soooo hard about the contrast between the two families. Nick has a whole family that loved him, except that he doesn’t get along with his brother and he has an absent dad, whilst Charlie has a difficult relationship with his family, but his sister really seems to get him. You can see the contrasting environment at Christmas, with the disjointed vibes at the Spring household, and the very warm and welcoming vibes at the Nelson household…

- Every time Tori pops us out of nowhere, it’s perfect. Love the spooked look on David’s face.

- Dysphoria talk!

- “Spare us the details”, “No! I want all the details!” I am Isaac and Isaac is me.

- I watched the trailer… I watched the clips… but I NEVER expected that Michael would be so FUCKING PERFECT. I need more of him. “Beautiful chaos.” I was in tears.

- “I don’t want to keep hurting you.” IMOGEEEEEEEN. Love this whole storyline. Can’t wait for more of them.

- Drunk Charlie!!! He’s so horny. Whilst drunk Nick is a little sad. And drunk Imogen is a bit of both. I’m more of a drunk Tara: extra anxious.

- As someone who just experienced a major meltdown at work, over which I’m still embarrassed, I love how Tara also went from “I want to die” to “IDGAF about anything” because that is the right response.

- The radio show scene proves that Yasmin Finney’s voice should be on everything. I could listen to her read scientific papers to me. Does anyone know if I can make her my satnav voice?

- Sincerely disappointed that Elle’s mum did not kick down the door and barge in and slap the interviewer, whilst Mr Argent tried to hold her back and Tao filmed the whole thing.

- But I wrote down everything that Elle said, because that’s going into my arsenal. “Trans people are not a debate”. PERIODT.

- Love how we see Nick hanging out with other people more, especially Tara, and how encouraging Tara is. Their friendship is so lovely.

- I honestly thought that Tao would say “I’m improving, I might even become the next… Elle Argent.”

- I never thought I would identify so hard with a fictional bisexual teen boy, but in the comic, and now here, when Nick talks about how much of his true self he was repressing before he figured out he was bi… I feel that.

- The whole uni road trip was perfect, but it felt too short. Also I wish we would have gotten the scene in which Nick and Charlie facetime and Nick gets a preview of Naked Charlie ™. *Was not prepared

- A little disappointed in Charlie’s rock band outfit, it looked nothing like the one in the comic… also, after seeing Joe Locke as Teen in “Agatha All Along”, I would have killed to see him in all black tight clothes. Nick’s head would have exploded, though…

- Although this season was definitely hornier, it wasn’t quite horny enough. Here’s hoping that season 4 (which will definitely happen) will be the horniest ever.

That’s it for now… I need to rewatch already…

#heartstopper #heartstopper season 3 #i did a lot of happy dances during this #i also cried a lot

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rafesveryrealgf · 2 years ago

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Where this flower blooms | chapter 2

(Rafe Cameron x Heyward!reader)

Warnings: NON CANON, curse words, sexual references/sexual innuendos, slightly toxic (not really) relationship, smut, forbidden relationship, underage drinking.

Synopsis: he’s an asshole, but he’s so hot. It’s a shame he’s also your brothers biggest foe.

A/N: read part 1 for context

Kiara and Sarah somehow convinced you to go to a party with them on The Cut, which your brother Pope, John B, and JJ would also be attending to. Your parents wouldn’t have let Pope go if you weren’t with him so he was happy he had Sarah and Kiara there to help convince you to go.

Before you got to the party you all pre-gamed at The Chateau which you were low-key grateful for because there was no way you were hanging with these guys all night, sober. You all knew it would be a terrible idea to drive to and back from the party, drunk so, you all decided to walk. It wasn’t that far anyway so, nobody protested.

It looked like everyone at the party was already wasted by the time you guys even got there.

The boys had went their separate ways from you, Sarah and Kiara. And as you scanned over the party you noticed Topper and Kelce. You knew Rafe couldn’t have been far. Wherever those two were, Rafe was sure to be right behind.

“Fuck, my brothers here.” Sarah cursed.

Kiara stood on her tippy toes to follow Sarah’s gaze. Sarah slumped a bit, not wanting her brother to see her, knowing he’d either snitch on her to their father or taunt her for the whole night.

“Does he ever have a shirt on?” Kiara questioned with a disgusted face.

“Nope.” Sarah answered.

“I mean, we kinda are at the beach.” You chuckled.

“True.” Kiara frowned.

“Guys we gotta move, I can’t let him see me.” Sarah held one hand over her face as if he wouldn’t be able to recognize her figure or hair if he had seen her.

You all moved through the little crowds of people to try and get as far as you could.

“Sarah!” John B yelled with his hand up and waving her over.

Rafe heard his sisters name being called and looked at John B to follow his gaze.

“Shit,” Sarah said, ducking even lower.

You and Kiara attempted to hide her in front of you both as you walked but Rafe saw.

Rafe’s face was even as he walked past the bonfire and through the crowd over to his sister.

“Get up, dumbass.” He said. “I see you.”

Sarah cursed herself for not hiding better.

You and Kiara now stood besides Sarah, Kiara giving Rafe a scowling look while you were scared for Sarah.

“What are you hiding for? Huh?” Rafe questions, furrowing his brows.

“Didn’t want you to snitch.” She says, crossing her arms over her chest.

“I don’t give a fuck about the shit you do,” He spit. “And you know that.”

Topper and Kelce had made their way over, now standing slightly behind Rafe.

“Bullshit Rafe! You snitch on me every chance you get.” She spit back.

You, Kiara, Topper, and Kelce watched as the two siblings argued.

“Yeah, when you piss me off.”

“You’re an asshole, Rafe.” Sarah scoffs. “Why are you even on The Cut.”

He ignored the last part.

“Yeah, whatever.” He looks down at Sarah’s bare legs. “And those shorts are far too short, cover up. Before some fucking pedo, or some shit, gets your ass.” He spits one last insult at his sister before he looks you up and down.

“How about you go put a shirt on, asshole.” She responded.

He gave his sister the middle finger before him, Topper and Kelce decided to walk back to where they came from.

You all feel relieved when he walks away.

“I hate him, so much.” Sarah says, as all three of you walk over to the guys.

They were sitting on a log, around the bonfire when you walked up.

“What was that about?” John B questioned.

Pope looked up at you. “Rafe wasn’t talking to you, was he?”

“No, no. He was talking to me.” Sarah blurted. She didn’t want Pope to get riled up for no reason and cause a scene.

“Just being his typical, grade A asshole, self.” Kiara added.

“Whys he even here?” JJ asks while playing with a stick in the sand.

“Seriously.” Kiara scoffs.

Sarah shrugged.

“Let’s just stay as far as possible from him.” You add, not really knowing what to say.

Everyone nods.

“I’m gonna get a drink, anyone want anything?” You say.

Only JJ and Kiara said yes. You nodded before making your way to the keg.

You grabbed three red solo cups, and began to fill them up one by one, setting the firstly filled cup on the portable table that held up the keg.

“Following me again?” A familiar voice says from behind.

A shirtless Rafe makes an appearance when he stands beside you. You look up for a second then back down at the keg to make sure you didn’t overfill the cup.

“Absolutely not.” You roll your eyes.

“Keep rolling your eyes like that and they’ll get stuck back there, ya know?” He grins.

“Good,“ you respond. “Then I won’t have to see you.” You shrug.

The second cup had been filled so, you placed it on the table next to the first filled cup.

He lowers his head, chuckling to himself at your smart remark.

“You always have something smart to say.”

“You were a dick to Sarah.” You grab the last cup and continue to fill it up.

“Yeah? so what? She’s my sister.”

“Pope doesn’t talk to me like that.” You shrug.

“Sarah’s a drama queen, alright? She deserves to get humbled once in awhile. That’s why I exist.” He points to himself then throws his hands up in defense, with a smile.

You chuckled a bit at his words. He wasn’t wrong, Sarah was dramatic at times, but you loved her for it.

“You have a pretty smile.” He says softly, tilting his head. “You should smile more often.”

Your smile disappeared at his random words, as your cheeks turned slightly red.

you were taken aback, honestly.

He was absolutely drunk because Rafe giving compliments? Was not something you’d ever seen before.

You stared at him for a second, not knowing what to say, then looked back down at your cup that was overflowing with beer, as the liquid flowed around the rim and onto your hand then sprinkled onto your feet. You quickly pulled the cup away from the keg and sat it on the table.

“Shit,” you cursed.

Rafe looked down at the liquid spilled onto your feet and hands. “oh shit.” He said, before quickly grabbing napkins that sat next to the keg.

He dropped on one knee and began cleaning the liquid off the tops of your feet.

“Thank you.” You murmured.

It was weird seeing how soft Rafe was with you when he treated his sister like shit.

“Don’t worry about it.” He nodded as he stood up, throwing the napkins in a trashcan next to the table.

“I gotta get back,” You said, pointing your thumb over your shoulder towards your group.

He nodded. “See you around.” He grinned.

You nodded back and picked up the solo cups to bring back to Kiara and JJ. One solo cup rested in the crease of your elbow since your hands were occupied with the other two.

“Took you long enough.” Kiara joked.

“I spilled it all over me.” You leaned down handing her the solo cup, then walked up to JJ, handing him his.

“Idiot.” Pope said, playfully.

You and the group had been at the party for about an hour now. Everyone was now, out of their mind, drunk.

Everyone was nursing their own drinks. Kiara was leaned onto Pope and Sarah was seated next to John B, Leaving you and JJ to fifth wheel together

“I’m going for a swim.” You say, belching as you stand up.

“Did you bring your bathing suit?” Pope asks, slurring his words.

“No. But what’s the difference between a bathing suit and underwear.” You shrug with a frown.

“So true.” Sarah points at you with half closed eyes like you had just said the realest thing.

Well in her drunk mind, you had.

You began to pull your shirt over your head.

“Yes! Go Y/n!” Kiara cheers you on, also slightly slurring her words.

“You’re so sexy!” Sarah yells.

You let a big cheeky smile form across your face as your brother covers his own.

“It feels illegal to watch you strip into your under garments, please.” His hand was still covering his face enough for him to not see your figure undressing.

John B also covered his face out of respect for both you and Sarah whileJJ sat back with a big drunken smile on his face.

You flung your shirt over your head a few times then threw it, God knows where.

That shirt was expensive.

You slowly slid down your shorts to give your friends a little show.

Sarah and Kiara were laughing uncontrollably.

Rafe, from afar, caught wind of what was going on and watched as you slid your shorts down, revealing your laced underwear.

“No way I’m sitting here for this,” Pope said. “I’m getting a beer.” He stood up. “John B, JJ, c’mon.” His hand still covering his face as he waved for his friends with his free hand.

“Y’all be good.” John B, yelled (mostly talking to Sarah) as he followed Pope.

JJ hesitated, enjoying the show you had put on, but eventually followed the guys so he wouldn’t get lectured for staring at his best friends little sister undressing herself.

You were now only in your bra and underwear, getting yourself hyped up to jump into the freezing water.

“You got this!” Sarah yelled.

You peaked over your shoulder and smiled at your friends that were a few feet away as you dipped your toe in the water.

Rafe was standing with Topper and Kelce not listening to a single word they were saying as he still watched you from afar, amused by your enthusiasm.

“Dude, are you listening?” Topper’s question was quickly answered when he followed Rafe’s gaze and realized you were who he was eyeing.

“Oh nah,” he dragged out, punching Rafe’s shoulder. “Don’t even.” He chuckled.

“What?” Rafe snapped back into the conversation.

“That’s Heyward’s sister.”

“Yeah, so what?” He shot back.

“She’s a pogue.” Kelce added, noticing what was going on.

When Rafe looked back at you, you were splashing around in the water.

“Not like I’m trying to get with her.” Rafe spit.

“But you’re eye fucking her, dude.” Kelce said, chuckling along with Topper.

“I mean I get it, she’s hot for a Pogue, but-,”

“Shut the fuck up, Topper.” Rafe says, cutting him off.

“No way,” Kelce dragged out. “You got a thing for Heyward’s sister?”

Rafe snapped his head to Kelce and furrowed his brows. “No.” Was all that came out.

“Right,” Topper said slowly, not believing Rafe’s answer.

#obx #outerbanks #rafe cameron #rafe x reader #rafecameron #topper thornton #sarah cameron #jjmaybank #heyward!reader #kiaracarrera #rafe x pogue!reader

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bagel-muncher · 8 months ago

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I'm gonna be cringe asf and post wip stuff about one of my Persona oc's because I like this little guy and I'm tired so therefore immune to thinking why this is dumb to post.

So for some important background info, a lot of my characters are framed around basically a hypothetical Persona game that exists solely in my brain. The core theme of it is dreams, in the sense of both sleep and your aspirations and such. All of the Persona-Shadow-saving-the-world junk happens in their dreams. I don’t know the best way to describe it, but basically, the line between the collective unconscious and the individual subconscious has weakened and now Shadow’s are spilling into people's dreams, attacking them and leaving them brain-dead. Enter the MC and their group with all the Persona shenanigans you’d expect to try and stop this.

So all that barely coherent background info aside, onto Yoshitada. He’s 20 years old and serves as the Navigator of the group once he joins later on (how and why is still up in the air, everything here is mostly vague ideas though I’m leaning towards a P4 type “they’re saved in their dreams and awaken to their Persona when confronted by their Shadow’s there”). The simplest way to describe him would be as another character in the same “bro” archetype as Junpei, Yosuke, and Ryuji. An idiot at times, but cares a lot about his friends and teammates and would do whatever he can to protect them.

His full name is Yoshitada Saito, but he mainly goes by Yoshi. He saw the dinosaur from Mario and went “Yeah that’s me frfr” (jk). He doesn’t like being referred to by his last name by anyone, both because he prefers to treat practically everyone like a close friend (he'd be like "Hey man, we're buds, yeah? Just call me Yoshi, no need to be all formal and shit!") and because of his parents.

To explain that last bit, his parents left him with his mom’s brother as a kid before driving off to who-knows-where. This led to him forming a lot of resentment toward his parents, making them among the few people he isn’t fond of. He lived with his uncle for the majority of his life, and he still lives in his uncle’s house after he passed. He doesn’t like his last name because it connects him to them.

I’m not sure if popular is the word I’m looking for, but he’s very well-known throughout town. Both for positive (his friendly demeanor, willingness to help others, and great work ethic) and negative reasons (him being loud as fuck, tending to sort of force himself into a situation, and just having dyed hair and that many piercings and the assumptions it brings). He’s generally well-liked, but people often feel like he’s trying too hard to be friendly or helpful, making them think it’s all just an act.

His unique appearance is entirely thanks to the fact that he thinks it looks rad as hell. He knows that it can give people a bad impression of him at first glance, but doesn’t care. To Yoshi, appearances don’t matter at all. If someone is scared off by him having blue and green hair or a face full of piercings, that’s an issue for them.

He plays the drums! His S-Link is started by him and the MC forming a mini-band just for fun in Yoshi’s garage. Band practice would be the main excuse for the two of them to hang out (like how most of Ryuji’s is prefaced with him and Joker training or Naoto’s is him and Yu trying to understand the whole Phantom Thief thing, etc.), usually starting with band practice before turning to them talking or going somewhere else for whatever reason. It’s through this that Yoshi starts to reveal more of himself to the MC, talking about his parents and other stuff that bothers him as much as he tries to pretend it doesn’t. I imagine the big thing of his link would be his parents wanting to get in contact with him again after over a decade, and him having to learn and accept that not everyone deserves the kindness he tries to treat everyone with.

His Persona is something I’m still undecided on, mainly because I’m trying to figure out some other characters and want to try and find some consistent theme or source that’d make sense. As a placeholder, I’ve just given him Apollo. As a god of music and prophecy, it combines one of Yoshi’s interests with his role in the team in a way that I think makes sense. His Arcana is the Strength.

Most of the cast is in college, except for Yoshi. He just works, flipping between jobs as he tries to find what works best for him.

Thanks to what a friend said ages ago, it is now canon that he has shitty posture. Bro sits like a shrimp.

As this is something that exists solely in my mind and as such is untouched by logic and Atlus’s rules, there’d be a male and female mc. That may seem random to mention, but I bring it up because Yoshi is gay, but is romancable with either protag. The thing is, getting closer to the male MC is what made him realize he liked guys. He’s had a ton of girlfriends over the years because he thought that was just what he was supposed to do and he never wanted to turn anyone down, but none of the relationships lasted. Yoshi tried constantly, but he could never be as interested or involved in the relationship as his girlfriends, so they’d eventually break up with him. This extends to the female MC. He thinks “Well, we’re really close. She cares about me, and I care a shitton about her. So… we probably should try to date, right?”, not really understanding the difference between his platonic love for her and what romantic love is supposed to be like. So romantic scenes like Valentine’s Day, Christmas, etc. would have him being a lot more stiff and awkward compared to the male MC, where he is genuinely in love.

(from my lovely oomf @nero1forte)

#bagelposting #yoshitada saito #idk if ill ever post abt him again but may as well make it easier to find stuff like this here if i do

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happylandfill23 · 3 months ago

Note

ember gimme 15 fun facts abt ur ocs (request for rant)

YIPPEE ok......making a list cuz i like making lists (and it's easier to keep track of my number of facts)

under the cut because dear god there's so many words

ace has this odd habit where whenever they're leaving people they dislike they. chop off her hair in the bathroom and leave the hair and never come back. ok so for context ace is a big fan of the "if it sucks hit the bricks" mentality BUT they tend to have a huge breakdown before hitting Said Bricks. in the process of the huge breakdown, she usually finds her way to the bathroom with a pair of craft scissors or a hair trimmer and just. goes at it. and leaves all the little hairs all over and disappears forever. some examples are leaving home after graduation or the infamous last bluff concert

pixie and ace met in high school! ace had some other friends then (like matt, ex-drummer of bluff, who now fronts a band called plastic woman!!), but pixie had a bit of a hard time adjusting. they met because they were both involved in theater at the time and they became SUPER close. pixie was a grade level below ace, so they lost touch when ace graduated, but they met again when pixie found herself at a giveafux gig (ace's other band before cyberdevils - shags was there too!) after breaking up with her shitty boyfriend (the guy who was mentioned in that one really sad comic i made a while ago with pixie on the phone with her mom)

pixie's middle name is martina, which is also the name of her grandmother on her mom's side! and her dad was named after his father (julian pereira. that makes pixie's dad a junior)

shags' real name is sophie triggs. shags was a nickname given to her by an old friend (more on said friend later)

ace cuts pixie's hair :)

ace and shags met at a club. i think about this a lot and i am going to expand on it one day but let me tell you i think about it a lot. before they met shags had moved to america to go to hollywood and try to become a movie star. she failed and started spending a LOT of time at bars and clubs and in other people's rooms. it made her feel like shit but she convinced herself she'd never be anything. and ace on the other hand had only just moved out of her aunts' house after staying there for a few months following the big public breakdown/bluff breakup. they hadn't really been out much and were trying to start a new chapter and all that. then the two met

all three of the band members are very much queer hehe

shags had a classic case of adolescent codependent homoerotic situationship. it was with a girl named cassie and the two were inseparable. they both had shitty parents, so they relied on each other a lot and spent a lot of time sneaking out late at night to go smoke in the park on rooftops. cassie died when she and shags were both fourteen and shags wasn't and never will be more devastated by probably anything else. on a lighter note cassie gave shags her nickname when they were looking through a book about birds and couldn't stop laughing at the shag. the nickname stuck among everyone as shags started sleeping around with people a lot once cassie died

since we're discussing names a whole lot - pixie's younger brother cosmo chose his name because he's always been super obsessed with space :)

ace will occasionally refer to shags as shagatha

pixie loves getting acrylic nails and shags does it fairly often too. however they both always seem to have two missing. hmmmm. (for different reasons)

ace taught pixie to play guitar!! :)

shags canonically sounds like murdoc niccals. and pixie sounds a bit like poppy and i have no idea whose voice ace's is similar to

when i first drew them pixie and shags were girlfriends. but i hadn't given them any background or anything yet and when i decided to add ace into the mix (since they were a slightly older character who looked like she could be friends with pixie + shags) and i decided on the three being a band and fleshing them out more i decided no. however ace and shags did date and idk about you but i think ace n pixie might have a lil something going on hmmm (i say this like they aren't MY ocs. shush)

last fact! uhh the band's living situation is very complicated. do they live together in a big house? do two share an apartment while the other lives separately? do they all have their own apartments? who's to say. certainly not me i didn't make these guys up i don't know what you're talking about

#ok i'll admit. i saw “fun facts” and confused it for “various depressing lore dumps with little fun silly tidbits sprinkled in #i just saw the opportunity to infodump about my ocs and got excited. lmao #thank you!!!!! for the ask!!!!!!!!!! this was fun to do sorry it's an entire novel #cyberdevils #pixie pereira #ace calix #shags #lore dump #ocs #asks #strawbearri-frog

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narcissusbrokenmirror · 1 year ago

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i need to talk about Alex, Luke and Reggie and their families' dynamics.

We don't get a lot from the show apart from Luke and it's not that much either, when we think about it. But from Reggie and Alex? Crumbs of backstory. the references we got to their past from the show is that Reggie's parent were in a bad relationship and Alex's parent were homophobic. god bless the guy who decided to write books abt it bc i can't stress enough over not knowing abt their past.

So starting with Reggie, my favorite backstory, is that he had parents who were always fighting amd he also had a little brother, age not specified but i guess between 8-11, Steve admired Reggie and his band and Reggie kinda regretted not spending enough time w him bc of the band. idk thinking of Reggie as an older brother opens lot of possibilities for what his character would've become. also brings more of a reason why he's so goofy and lightheaded, it can be either a way to separate from, maybe, a figure of power for his brother, being held to a responsibility or something alike, i mean, none really knows how stuff were inside Reggie's house so there's no way to tell if they had been heavily neglected at some point. or maybe being optimistic and joyful was just the way he tried to find to make things lighter for his brother when he was around, maybe to his whole family when trying to keep them from starting a fight (we also dont know for how long reggie's parents have been fighting). either way, fascinates me.

Alex also intrigued me a little bit, but i liked to figure him out. I personally enjoy when fanfic writers make his parents religious or give him fear of coming out to his friends, but, just ain't real. From what I've read on the book, Alex's parents used to be supportive of the band and welcoming to his friends, they'd have sleepovers w the whole band, and be warm and welcoming. When Alex mentions being gay, he says he wouldn't sneak a guy he actually liked out of his window and wanted to bring this hypothetical guy through the front door like his older sister did w her boyfriends, this being the 90's its a pretty prideful statement for a gay teenager. But Kenny mentioned Alex is pride of himself and wouldn't hide it. So i don't think Alex got christian fever over his sexuality, neither did his parents. What i guess, is that Alex was the kid with "Cool Parents" that would let him be and do what he wanted, be supportive of him, Alex pretty much mentioned on the show he was always trustworthy (in rhetoric to Reggie never being believed as a kid). What also would explain how Alex can grow so confident of himself and expect to receive the same treatment his sister does. So the moment Alex came out, something he never took back, even when his parents didn't approved, it shifted the whole "modern cool parents" thing bc yeah, Alex can have a band, be a drummer (which is not everyone's favorite instrument to have at home), let his sister bring multiple boyfriends to their house, but if Alex wants to bring guys, he better do it far from their eyes. "do what you want, but not under my roof". Clearly, it affected him to have a family who was loving and supportive, just to find out that being gay was going to twist the way his parents saw and treated him like, and ofc that's not what Alex wanted, he wanted the warmth and the love he'd always received before. also, Alex being a young brother makes sense to why he's a little shit on the show.

Luke also has interesting background. Different from Alex, who had a family who supported his band (til they didn't anymore) and Reggie, who had a family who probably didn't cared, Luke had a family very much disapproving of his life dream, so much that i doubt they've met the boys personally, aside from Bobby bc he was Luke's oldest friend, since there's a moment on the book Alex asks where they are and its Luke's house, and they have been friends for years so its interesting Alex not knowing where Luke lives. i think Sunset Curve was just a part of his life that Luke didn't shared with his parents bc he knew it wouldn't be worth it. What doesn't mean Luke didn't wanted to share, he was trying to make it without his parents' support, getting a job to buy instruments and other stuff for example. And if Alex is not the religious link of the group, Luke definitely is, not only he makes mentions of Hell and Heaven, but his house has a huge cross on it, visible on the clip of Unsaid Emily, and i think that's why Luke, at the same time he doesn't want to talk of the past, is the one who feels more guilty about the way he left things with his mom. Boy got hard catholic guilt on his head even if Luke himself isn't really into religion.

I'm not gonna make myself long with Bobby, bc if Alex and Reggie left crumbs of backstory, Bobby left drops in the sun. but the book had some pretty cool details, he got three older brothers who are sport trifecta, and Bobby is the kid who only got to play in a band, he doesn't get a lot of attention from his parents and even Luke is his friend since they were kids and they started playing together, he also feels apart from the band, he also seems to care a lot about Luke since he wanted Luke to make up with his mom on the day of their show at the orpheum. So it does adds dimension to the character we see on the show.

#julie and the phantoms #mostly sunset curve #it fascinates me also when Alex's dad implies Luke is also queer when he got him sneaking out Alex's room #and how Luke didn't denied it. Neither Alex.#it bugged the hell outta me Alex being a 90's kid who was not religiously traumatized

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residentdormouse · 1 year ago

Note

Here's one of a few asks coming to your inbox for OC Bingo!

This set of questions is in regard to your original WIP, Close to the Vale.

How did you come to choose the title, Close to the Vale?

What is your favourite thing about writing for Faith?

What kind of setting can we expect in this story?

What kind of vibe can we expect this story to give?

Give us a small blurb on each of Faith's main companions!

Give us a spoiler with no context!

🥰🥰 Thank you for the asks! 🥰🥰

(This was a ridiculous help in regards to story building, so thank you so much!)

How did you come to choose the title, Close to the Vale?

A couple reasons for this. The main one being a reference to the ‘vale of tears’ expression. This isn’t exactly a happy place for most of the characters in it. Not anymore. Their lives are painful and full of difficult tests to their will. Their paths are something they must struggle through in order to reach the other side, whatever that other side may be. The second reason is that it's the latin for ‘Farewell’. Another concept that is prevalent in this story, and one of the major sources of their anguish. Third is because I hear Vale and I think ‘Shining Vale’ (show on Starz with Greg Kinnear), and it makes me giggle.

What is your favourite thing about writing for Faith?

I haven’t written too much for her yet, but when I do, I feel it. I start off writing what I personally want to say, and I can sense her voice coming in. Usually some snarky bullshit commentary on what I’ve already typed up, and that’s all it takes. She now has control and she’s damn well saying what she wants to say. And there’s a distinct lack of filter to her that's really fun to play with. No shits are given.

What kind of setting can we expect in this story?

I set the whole of this story in the fictional town of Marsden, Pennsylvania. I wanted to get a mix of city atmosphere, with a realistic chance of being out in nature as well. The specific settings themselves will be a few different bars, mostly all of the dive variety, Faith and Paul’s condo, the Greater Marsden Community College, the nature trail on the outskirts, and [redacted].

What kind of vibe can we expect this story to give?

Overall genre wise, I’m gunning for a supernatural/mystery/suspense vibe. Heavy on the dark, lots of angst, but I’m hoping to sprinkle in a bit of comedy as well. Bittersweet moments will also be pretty common. Have to have highs to make the lows mean something more than just bleak depression. I hope for it to be touching on themes of recovery and found family. But, as I stated above, Faith takes over, and has her own plans. In addition to this, Paul is very heavily influenced by my favorite fictional character (Glen Bateman), and I’ve had him throw me some curves when I was writing fanfiction. So Hell, I may be surprised where this story goes myself.

Give us a small blurb on each of Faith's main companions!

Paul Truitt - Faith’s late fiancé. Before his passing, he was a professor at the community college. Paul was always great at finding the humor in life, and generally gave off a warm inviting presence. Despite this, he still managed to rub people the wrong way. This was of little concern to him, which usually in turn, further exacerbated matters. After his death, colleagues and acquaintances would make passing comments to themselves regarding their lack of surprise at his ultimate fate. When heard, Faith is quick to tell them to go fuck themselves. Miserable pricks.

Zachary Belman - Zach came into town with his husband on a mission to find his missing brother, Adam Belman. Growing up, the pair complimented each other well. One risks, the other plans. Book smarts to street smarts. It was a good dynamic until their parents divorced. While Zach stayed back with his mother in their smaller rural hometown a few hours away, Adam had went with his father into Marsden. The city progressively took over his personality, and pulled them further apart. Over the past year, Zach has been unable to reach him at all, and even with the wedge that had been dividing them and Adam’s tendency to go off the grid, this has gotten to worrisome territory.

Cameron Greene - Zachary’s spouse who accompanied him on his quest. While Zachary has a tendency to see the best in his brother, Cameron likes to stick to the reality. He’ll be the first to offer a helping hand, but damn, you gotta want to get yourself out of the shit first. Adam liked to roll around in it, and he ain’t got time for all that. He does however admit that he likes to watch the dumpster fire, as long as there's no risk of being burnt himself. Or inhaling toxic fumes. He has a lingering suspicion that this trip may be a bit closer to the flame than he would like.

Emma Oaks - Faith’s neighbor across the hall. Part of the city nightlife, but of a more decidedly active variety than Faith’s. Dancing, karaoke, flirting, and drinks. On various occasions, she has tried to get Faith out of the hole she has fallen, but doesn’t exactly know the right lure to use. Maybe there isn’t one. But she tries regardless. Her dog, Sphinx, will occasionally steal Faith’s mail.

Give us a spoiler with no context!

(The wording may change as I get to this section, but the moment it's from would be staying the same in essence.)

Color drained from his face as she spoke, and his mouth opened and shut like a fish out of water. Words struggled to come to him, but he eventually muttered out his question. “Where did you hear that?”

Her words were familiar to him. His words were familiar.

“Where did I hear that? Where the fuck did you hear that?!”

Under the new line of inquiry, his eyes began darting around the room. Couch, chair, window. Anywhere but her. Quickly they moved object to object, only finally coming to a stop at the end table. Hesitantly, he took a few steps towards it, and picked up the picture frame. Shaking hands were amplified as the thin object unmistakably trembled in his grasp.

“From him. Before...”

He didn't need to finish; she knew. But how did he?

#thank you for this!!#original stories #close to the vale #oc: faith lochren #ocb2023 #mouse is back on her nonsense

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arcsparkasriel · 1 year ago

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Vtubertale Profiles: Susie Dreemurr

You've heard the tales of my best friend/newly adopted brother Frisk, and my youngest blood brother Ralsei. Let me tell you the story of my newly adopted monster sister Susie. Now I still don't have all of the details from her about her time in the Underground, or her time on the Surface for that matter. While thankful for the love, support, and comfort from all of us, Susie is still having a hard time opening up. I may release a part two to this in the future when Susie gets to that point.

I got some of the details from Alphys. Apparently, she was only three years old when her parents volunteered for the Determination injection experiments. Watching Alphys recollect those memories wasn't pretty. She was stammering so much and had a mental breakdown every few seconds, so I went into her database. I still remember every password while inside the Flower. Goodman and Betty their names were. Sad as it is to say, it's probably for the best she was barely old enough to remember anything about them. Save for a few residual memories like a lullaby, a smell, and scattered images.

Needless to say, her parents died instantly upon being injected with a tainted batch of determination. I suspect that was Chara's doing...I can only hope they're watching over Susie from Paradise. As a result, Susie became an orphan overnight. I don't know how long she waited for her parents to return. Days? Weeks? Months? However long, she gave up at some point and ran out of food. Mom thinks she may have been forced to scavenge for scraps to survive. The thought made her want to give Susie extra significant portions every mealtime. That mother of mine. God bless her.

We've caught her at times eating pretty much anything under the sun. A cold jar of salsa, a bottle of mustard, moss, pinecones, chalk, and burnt crumbs from the toaster. She even tried eating one of Frisk's bottles of Apple Scented Shampoo before Mom swooped in to save her. Alphys says she developed pica from malnutrition and constant starvation. It's an eating disorder where one starts eating ordinarily inedible things.

What little we got out of her is what we expected. She heard about the barrier-breaking and made her way to the surface. Hearing about the tale of the Most Determined human and the "Angel that made the Underground go empty". Referring to me. She figured Frisk and I could help her. She found her way to the surface but got lost in the woods for a while. Apparently surviving off of some wildlife, some bits of trash on the side of the highways. But eventually made her way to the city where she spent a month scrounging through the trash, hiding in alleyways, and sleeping in dumpsters until the day Mom finally found her on the way home from work.

Mom tells me she was a little skittish at first but when she brought out a chocolate bar she wanted to bring home for Ralsei, Susie gave her a chance. Just like when Mom was guiding Frisk through the Ruins, when I looked out my window down to the sidewalk below, I caught my Mom holding Susie tightly by her little claw walking briskly down the street. Walking that signature little walk I always saw her doing.

I went to the door to meet them to see who this mysterious guest was going to be. Susie looked a little bit nervous, unsure of everything. That made two of us. But Mom insisted that Susie was going to stay with us for a while. None of us had any problem with that. When Frisk and Ralsei came out to see her though, that's when things got a little weird. The way they looked at each other, greeted one another. The whole atmosphere was just bizarre. It felt strangely...familiar in a way. But that was impossible. It was like I was watching a trio of long-lost friends greeting for the first time in centuries. I definitely don't remember Susie or her family from any of the resets. She became starry-eyed when she learned who we all were. The royal family of the Underground and the heroes of monsters all gathered together under one roof.

Only two months ago did we find out what happened to Susie's parents. Last month, Mom went through the proper channels and signed the documents to become Susie's new legal adoptive mother. And Ralsei, Frisk, and I all had a new sibling. And Dad a new daughter. Susan Dreemurr. But she still prefers Susie. The three kids are as tight as glue now. They do everything together. I completed the image by making them sea salt ice cream bars every week to eat while they watch the sunset on the roof. Mom has been extra attentive to Susie's needs. Just like the rest of us, Susie had also developed mental problems. Constant night terrors, fevers, it was never-ending. Like how my first few months were after coming back home with my soul.

Mom can't always be home to watch her, so I've allowed her to stay in my room when I'm streaming a lot. I even let her sleep in my bed with me when she wants to. All of this and more she's always embarrassed to admit though. It's pretty darn adorable. She's settled in nicely. I'm glad to have another member of the family. The more the merrier. Maybe next time, I'll get into more of her story. But its getting late and Mom is calling us all for dinner. So until then, I bid you aloha friends!

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persoj · 1 year ago

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People have entered and exited this café since I started running it. Most look terrified as they enter, wary of this new environment. I find the best thing to do is smile, sit them down with a cup and explain the whole thing to them. I have a script for it now, almost fully memorised. Usually goes a little like this:

"Here, have a cup. Sit down. My name is Ava. I run this café. Right now, you're not quite alive. You're not dead, don't panic yet. But here is where most come before they pass on. Most people who come in here usually make it out alive, though. At the moment, there's probably someone trying to save your life in a hospital or something. Imagine that! Or maybe you've been put in a coma. Like [Name] over there, they've been here for [Amount of time]. Why don't you go and talk to them? They can probably answer some of your questions."

At the moment, the person who I usually refer them too is Jamie. He's been here for about 2 weeks. Keeps to himself for the most part, unless I send someone over. Then he opens up a bit. He told me that he finds comfort in knowing that he'll probably never meet these people face to face. And even if he does, they won't know what he looks like. That's the fun thing about this place. You don't ever look like yourself, not unless you really want to. I think I've changed my appearance about 70 times since I opened this place. Can't even remember what I looked like. I'm pretty sure I was blonde or brunette or something, but I can never be fully sure.

It's been about 10 years since I opened the shop. I've seen lots of people come and go. Some older people (the older ladies are always so nice), some middle aged, some who look too young to be dying. That's the saddest part. Seeing the smaller ones. Teens, little kids, toddlers, even babies. Everyone feels sad when a child comes through. The whole café sort of just quietens, and everyone comes to talk to them and comfort them. The babies are always held and rocked, and everyone gives them a hug before leaving them with me. I have a room in the back just for the babies. The toddlers will usually play with each other, or just the adults in general. Usually puts a smile on people's faces. It can also really help when a new person walks in. Jittery, jumpy, and shaking. Then a toddler approaches them, asking them to play with toy cars. It's always very cute, and the person calms down almost immediately. The kids always seem a little scared. Stranger Danger makes them wary, as it should. But they learn to trust you eventually. Once you've talked to them, gained their trust and handed them a lollipop or chocolate bar or two, they calm down. The teens are easy enough. They're old enough to be told what's happening to them. You sit them down, explain things whilst you bend at their knees, answer what few questions they may have, then leave them in the corner with a drink. They tend to just sit and contemplate. Most young adults do, as well.

Some try to ask me about my story. I rarely tell them. Only if they end up somehow staying here more than a month. After that time frame, they've earned the privilege. I tell them about the accident, the large truck that rammed into me. I tell them about the coma I've been in for the last ten years. I tell them about the people who come and go, and about my family. My parents, my wife, my brothers and sisters and friends and just everyone I can think of. Just because I rarely tell the story, doesn't mean I don't want to. I tell them everything. My entire life, from start to near-finish. It's always liberating.

Anyways, there's a new customer coming in. I think I'm going to give them a blue cup.

Thank you for reading this far if you did :) I'm very new to tumblr and to writing, so any tips are appreciated!

You run a café on the edge of life and death. Souls who have been departed from their bodies temporarily, such as in comas or near-death experiences, can relax in your quaint cafe for as long as they need before they can either return to their bodies or begin their journey to the afterlife.

#writing prompts #writeblr #writers on tumblr #writing #new blog

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leadfeathers · 1 year ago

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Oh Lordt.

Parents came up for a weekend and wanted to see a baseball game. Went to game and it’s pride night. My parents are “straight people don’t get a whole month” kind of people. I told my mom we have Toyotathon.

Next day we go to small town nearby to shop and bop. What’s that? Small festival with food trucks? Great let’s go! Pride festival. We get a beer and rainbow wristbands and walk around. Dad can’t quite stand it. Not sure if he has something against pride festivals or if he’d just been standing too long. Hard To Say.

Mom wants to go to a Saturday night church service. Only Lutheran church with a service is a Everyone is Welcome here type church where they are celebrating pride month, Father’s Day, and Juneteenth all in one. There is a talk from a mom about her daughters transition. There are new bathroom signs they are proud of. The service goes way long as a woman is giving a Very Intense Sermon that is actually her life story and by the end I’m sobbing because her brother died after contracting HIV. We have to skip out early because it’s the longest Lutheran service I’ve been to. Longer than a Christmas service. And we have reservations for dinner so we gotta go.

I’d like to state for the record that I was not planning on giving my parents the talk about this stuff this weekend.

I was told hey we’re coming down come to a baseball game.

We’re in the car. Drivin. I’m stressing. I’m fielding comments about People. I’m trying my best. But guys I’m straight. I’m cis. I’m never right. I don’t use the right words. And my mom is asking me to explain it all. Pronouns. What are they. Nonbinary. Intersex. She has combined NB and trans in her mind. Do all trans people use they/them? Nobody introduces themselves with pronouns do they? Dads cutting in with Comments.

She just feels like people are spending all day walking around talking about who they want to have sex with! Or at least that’s what tv is telling her. I try to explain that it actually comes up very little. It can be as easy as someone just letting you know they are going through some medical changes. Maybe needing some help with those changes. Or maybe you need to learn a new name. Like how when someone changes their maiden name and it’s hard to make the switch but very expected and you know it’s rude to do it wrong.

And guys maybe I got through to her? I tried some jokes. I tried to keep it on the level of: we don’t want to deliberately hurt people and everyone is different and if they want you to call them a certain name or refer to them as a boy or a girl then that’s kind and pretty simple. No one has the same life experience so I just trust them to tell me about themselves and we go from there. She agreed with that of course.

The church was a bit weird. There wasn’t really anything church focused there at all and it had kind of culty vibes. They were talking a TON about their inclusivity work but never once mentioned any disability inclusion. Which was the one demographic that that very white Minnesotan congregation could probably understand the best. We chatted about that and how that can make us feel like outsiders. Both of them wear hearing aides now and obviously we have my brother who is severely disabled. So that was a bit of a touchstone for them.

My guys I’m so exhausted tho. I always feel like I’m trying so hard with them. To combat the shit they hear from their friends and the rest of our family. They love people and I think delight in silliness and uniqueness. And they’ve got this crazy wall on this one issue. I just think I’m the only person they know who tries to explain it to them.

I just want my parents to be nice people. I’m a little worried about my dad. Since he’s retired I think he gets more and more of his life from the internet. And his adhd brain and dyslexia combine to make him skip around from weird inflammatory headline to inflammatory headline making up shit and drawing conclusions as he goes.

#don’t read this if you don’t want to hear about my parents #someone help #I want to just go back in time and spend my weekend on a bike at a campground

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faeriejones · 2 years ago

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Howdy, Kringle here!

I really kind of thought I’d replied to this, isn’t that funny? But then I thought about it more and realized, wait. No. Sorry! Sometimes if I read things and don’t reply right away, I’ll have composed something in my head and the memory of thinking about what I would say becomes a memory of having said it.

Oh it’s cool you checked out Belle and Sebastian! They were just sort of around in the indie air when I was super into music as a teen/young adult, you know, back in the day. My favorite records are If You’re Feeling Sinister, Fold Your Hands Child, and Dear Catastrophe Waitress. I feel the band is a bit TOO democratic sometimes, in that I like the songs not written by Stuart less, so it makes them uneven sometimes! I do think lots of people consider them too “twee,” but I enjoy it. Hmm. Picking single songs is so hard! I was into them back when you listened to a whole CD, you know? But hmm. I cry at “Piazza New York Catcher.” “Get Me Away From Here, I’m Dying” is a good one. “Seeing Other People.” “Stay Loose” Is a bit of a turn for them but it’s so good. OH! “Fought in a War.” Yeah. Ok I will stop now–dammit now I’m gonna listen to all of it again ha.

Honestly, re: Paul and WIngs, I don’t think people actually know which is which. I mean yeah, I think “Wild Life” and “Red Rose Speedway” aren’t great, but everything after that through Back to the Egg, I enjoy!

A cozy family Christmas is just fine! I’m heading out tomorrow very early to visit the family (I live quite far from the rest of ‘em) and there’s going to be a little juggling since both my brothers have families now and haven’t quite adjusted to the reality of, you know, not necessarily being able to do all the same things anymore! But it’ll be nice to see everyone.

We do watch a lot of films–It’s a Wonderful Life is a fave, of course (again, people think it’s cheery? But it’s dark AF). I tend to prefer the older holiday songs, the Bing Crosby type stuff, or carols. Christmas is largely about nostalgia for me, I guess! Do you have any Christmas favorites? Movies, songs, foods?

hello, Kringle! i hope you’re doing well and that you’re having a lovely week so far!

haha, no worries! i forget to respond to people constantly, so you don’t need to fret about that. ‘tis quite alright, dear chum!

falling even deeper down the belle and sebastian pipeline, i can definitely see why ‘dear catastrophe waitress’ is one of your favorites by them! songs like ‘stay loose’ and ‘roy walker’ are more upbeat in comparison to ‘fold your hands’, and a bit reminiscent of ‘ram’ in some parts. ‘seeing other people’ sounds like a song you’d hear in a coming-of-age film during a scene in which the protagonist undergoes an extensive amount of introspection after a raucous event occurs in the story. ‘get me away from here, i’m dying’ is a well paced, earthy song and i like it! it’s actually wild to think that DCW was released when i was practically a baby! also, if people consider them to be a bit too “twee”, that’s their prerogative. but music should incorporate sweetness and sentimentality, not everything has to be serious!

i must say, i actually like red rose speedway (i mainly like the art that’s included inside the album lol). but it’s one of those albums where i’d really have to be in the mood to listen to in its entirety, y’know? as for wild life, it’s okay. it’s one of his more, and i hate to say this, “forgettable” projects, but it’s not terrible. it’s a record that you can put on as background music during a long car ride through the rural countryside.

it’s funny that you mention ‘it’s a wonderful life’ because there’s an episode of the fairly odd parents that parodies this exact film. which is totally bizarre that a children’s show would reference that because isn’t the movie about a depressed guy who gets rescued by his guardian angel and is basically told, “i’m gonna show you real quick what the world would’ve looked like if you never existed. oh, merry christmas, by the way!”?

i hope you have a lot of fun when you visit your family this year! and yes, children can be quite a handful, haha. surely, your brothers will get the hang of it eventually. although, parenting may be a blessing, i’m assuming it can get rather strenuous at times, as well. my older brother already has two children of his own and he’s still in his mid 20’s! he’s a great father, and i can only hope he and the girls can relax on christmas!

during this time of year, i love watching those stop-motion animated, christmas themed rankin bass films. ones like ‘santa claus is coming to town’, ‘the year without a santa claus’, ‘jack frost’, and of course, ‘rudolph…’ my family and i used to watch those together on abc family all the time when i was younger. as for songs, i’m not particularly into christmas music, but i will say i don’t mind hearing ‘wonderful christmastime’ every now and then (i was on the verge of blacklisting that song from my brain last year at my old job because it would constantly play over the speaker lmaoo) ‘happy christmas (war is over)’ by john is a good tune as well.

speaking of john, we’ve engaged in a lot of paul-related banter so far. so i’d like to ask you ; what is your opinion of his music? how would you evaluate his character as a musician (and if you’d like, as a person as well)?

#srs22 #ask

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moonmeg · 2 years ago

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Your girl has no wifi and is already WAY over her mobile data limit so instead of drawing I wrote this for (me and) people that actually like my writing? Apparently those exist? Crazy.

TW// mention of suicide, implied (child) abuse

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The carving knife was spinning between his fingers. His eyes were looking at it but without focus. Only when Catherine called out his pet name she gave him a third time he noticed her standing in the door frame. He gave her a short glance, signaling her he knows she's there but he made no sound. No "Yes?". No "Hm?". Nothing to audibly tell her to go ahead and ask or say what she wants to him, he's listening.

As fast as his glance went up, it was back on the knife in his hand.

"I'm thinking.", he let her know before any question was asked. He knew she'd ask about his frown, his furrowed brows, his eyes without focus. The short glimpse he got of her face told him enough to know that.

"Whatever is that you're thinking about if it's making you do that face?", she wiped her earth and dirt covered hands on her ripped apron, before sitting down next to him on the free stool. She placed her hand on the side of her belly. It was almost a reflex she had ever since she started to round out a little and the pregnancy was now getting visible. It was merely a small bump by and for now. One could mistake it as a full stomach after a good dinner.

Caleb hesitated to open up about it. Catherine wouldn't understand, he feared, almost knew.

Yet still, he sighed and confessed to her he's scared. Scared of not meeting up expectations and disappointing everyone.

"What if I won't turn out to be the father you and your parents, the whole town even, think I'll be? You all are so sure I'll be a good father. I have my doubts. What if I will be like my father? Cold and distant and...", he paused in search for the right expression, "...fearful." .

"Why in Titan's name would you think that?"

Caleb scoffed.

"Of course you wouldn't understand. You grew up in a great, functioning family. Your parents love you. They look at you and see the world. They're proud of you and openly communicate so. They'd do absolutely any and everything for you. I never had that family. I never had a father or parental figure. Sure, I had my father before he died but he's everything I don't want to be. I shouldn't even refer to him as father. He's not worth that description.", he paused again, his childhood flimmering before his inner eyes. All the bruises. All the held back tears. All the pain. All the fault of the man he once called "father".

Catherine let him go through this without intervening. It seemed like he had more to say and she wanted to have him finish that before giving him her words of comfort.

"And my mother?", he tightened the grip on the knife, "She wasn't the greatest either. Yes, she was more loving than... him and she would show she cared at least a little but she gave her faith and belief more attention than her own sons. That was more important to her. Not that she was able to give Philip much attention anyhow.".

Because she died shortly after his birth, Kitty remembered.

"And when we lived with our aunt the game just continued. I never truly felt loved. Or wanted, for that matter. Never had someone tell me they're proud of me. The only person to adore me to bits was Philip. Your little brother hardly can be a parental figure to you though. That was my responsibility.", he stopped fiddling with the knife and instead held it steady and firm, staring at the blade. Any thoughts of his brother upset him, brought tears sometimes. It was painful to be reminded of him.

"I was his parental figure. I practically raised him. And look at what our relationship is now.", he raised his view to the wall. Eyes becoming more and more glassy with every next word he says:

"I haven't seen him in more than two years! I don't know where he is, what he does, if he's well. I don't even know if he's still alive! And since he never tried to find me again... he must hate me.".

Caleb's head fell. Sometime while speaking he let the knife roll out of his palm onto the desk. He inhaled in a staccato and hugged himself, wiping away the tears in his eyes on his arm.

"How am I-", he mumbled into his arm before cutting himself off and rephrasing his question more clearly spoken, "If- If I can't even keep the relationship to my brother, who I raised, what kind of relationship am I going to have with my own child? What if in 20 years they too sit somewhere with their partner and look back at me the way I look back at my...", he stopped before he could say "father". He didn't want to use this name for that man. Not anymore.

Catherine understood what he implied but all she was able to get across her lips was a soft and quiet "Caleb". She tried to reach out and place her hand on his shoulder. Before she could reach it, however, he moved his arm to wipe his face again and looked at her briefly.

She stared at him in a blend of concern and pity.

"Sorry for all that I-.", he let out a little laugh, hoping this would ease up the seriousness and tension in this conversation. Something he always did when he talked about bad things and his past. Almost like a mechanism to lighten the weight those things had. A mechanism to push them away.

He continued, covering the seriousness of the words in a veil of jokes and laughs: "I have a tendency to grow dark thoughts. Seems like the human realm is back to haunt me. Hah! If you knew what kind of thoughts I had in the human realm every day you'd look even more concerned for me than you do right now. Or well, had I made them reality I wouldn't have lived past 20. I wouldn't be here now.".

He paused. His face losing the set up happiness. With a serious face he then said: "Maybe that would've been better after all."

"Don't.", Catherine replied immediately.

"Don't you ever, ever say that again. Or even think that again. Nothing would've been better.". The hurt and desperation in her voice was audible clearly. Just as serious her demand.

"You don't know that.", Caleb avoided her face, turning the other way.

Her hand finally reached his shoulder. She kept looking at him even if his face wasn't visible to her.

"I can speak for me and my life, that in no alternative way would be better than it is now when you are here with me. A life without you in it... I can't imagine it and even less live it out.", she let her hand move from his shoulder to his hair. She was calm, at least she tried to be. Even if her voice showed she was hurt.

Going through his hair repeatedly, her tone softened as she kept trying to find a way to comfort him with her words.

"Sweetheart, my dearest wish to you is that you would finally realize that your past doesn't define the present you and that you one day will be able to live your life without looking back at what happened in the first 20 years of it. That one day you will be able to see you the way I do.".

Catherine moved her hand under his chin, slowly turning his head in her direction. He didn't fight it yet he still didn't meet her eyes or face. Instead he stared at the floor, listening to her with full attention.

"I've already told you the night of our engagement, when you broke down crying and thought I'd leave you after you told me the truth about your past, just how much I see in you. All that hasn't changed and all that wasn't even scratching the surface. I can't even name all the things I see in you and all the things you mean to me.", she couldn't help the goofy, lovestruck smile her lips formed thinking about those things, "You may not have had a great family on earth but you have found one now, here on the Isles.".

"You mean your parents?"

"They love you, Caleb. I sometimes even fear they love you more than they love me."

"Nonsense."

"No, I have my reasons. You are like a son to them. They are so happy to have you be a part of their family and anything they'd do for me, they'd do for you. Maybe you don't see them as your parental figures but they sure see themselves as that. They will always be there for you and they will always guide you.", she took his left hand, simply holding it as it layed in her palm and leaned forward to finally establish eye contact between them. She thought it important for the words she wanted to continue with.

"So will I. I love you, Caleb Clawthorne. I adore you. I admire you. I respect you. I am so indescribably proud of all that you managed to do in your time on the Isles already, of the change you had as a person, of your willpower, of you. I look at you and see a strong, handsome...", she raised her eyebrows with a smirk, "...young man who lights up the world of the people around him. And you can't even begin to imagine how much more I see.

And like my parents, I will always guide you too. Not as a motherly figure but as your friend. As your wife.", she tightened her hold on his hand, raised it to her lips and kissed the golden ring he wore on his ring finger.

His own lips curled into a little smile. Those words weren't new to him coming from Kitty but he needed to hear them again. He needed to be reminded that here he was loved and he was wanted. That here, everything he ever longed for in the human realm, was true at last.

Catherine gave him a short glance, smiling upon noticing his own, and then looked down at his hand, her smile fading.

"I can't take your fears and doubts away. As much as I wish I could. And... this thought of failing as a parent... I'm afraid we have that in common.", she leaned on his shoulder.

"You? Why would you-"

"I have those same doubts about me being the mother you are so sure I will be. Being a parent is not something a book or tutor can teach you. They can give advice, sure but overall parenthood is something you need to experience in order to learn.", she entangled her fingers with his before sighing deeply, "I think a truth we both have to accept is that we won't be the perfect parents. Perfect parents don't exist. Perfect doesn't exist. We will make mistakes. We will make decisions we think are right but will turn out wrong. We won't always understand our baby and their decisions or behavior, especially not when they're older. We will be in situations where we are clueless of what to do and where we feel helpless. But we love this child no matter what. And we will do our best each to ensure they grow up safe, loved and happy.".

Catherine let the thumb of her free hand, that was resting on her little bump, caress over it up and down slowly.

"Maybe we won't be perfect parents. But I know we will be good ones. Especially as long as we have each other to support, to criticise, to comfort and advise. As long as we're together, I am convinced there is absolutely nothing we can't handle.", their eyes met again.

She smiled and tenderly brushed the loose strand of light blond hair aside, kept running her fingers down the side of his face softly, over his jawline, under his chin before moving her hand away from his face.

Caleb closed his eyes while she did that, enjoying this little gesture of affection. Shortly after she had removed her hand he opened his eyes again and let out a quiet "Kitty?".

"Thank you. For always putting up with me and my fears and worries. And for finding the words to make me feel better.", he smiled and gazed at her adoringly.

Catherine chuckled lightly.

"Hey, I just want to see my husband smile and be happy."

"And you make me exactly that. You're the greatest friend and wife a man could wish for.", he leaned closer to kiss her forehead before resting his forehead on her's.

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#tdaac #tdaac moonmeg

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isfjmel-phleg · 7 months ago

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I started to put this in the notes but realized how long it was going to get.

First of all, that's a brilliant title, playing with the multiple meanings of the verb. She will get to the point of ???% (her own limit) but also get THROUGH to ???% (her son's other side).

"She locks the big things away like an adult, only letting them out a little bit at a time so she doesn't explode." So she and Mob have matching coping mechanisms! Unfortunately for both of them.

She wants to help him! But she feels helpless against his powers and so she just…withdraws.

"All they can do really is keep loving him, feeding him, and making sure he gets to bed on time." And they do love him! But they are nonetheless emotionally neglecting him--not intentionally, not with any malice, but the Kageyamas just don't have a reference base for healthily handling emotions. So how can they help their children with something they cannot achieve themselves?

And furthermore she is bound by convention--she wants to talk to Shigeo about his feelings, but she lives in a culture that values raising very independent children (not a bad thing! just overdone in this aspect) and she's told she shouldn't lest she ruin him.

So mother and son hide their emotions from each other and no one gets what they really need.

There's a slight tinge of jealousy that Ritsu can get through to Shigeo where she cannot, but she can't acknowledge this to herself either.

(Sometimes when I talk with my mom about something that makes me angry or hurt or whatever, the only advice she'll give me is something like "I just wouldn't let it bother me," like you can just shut off your big ugly shameful feelings that nobody wants like a faucet, and that's exactly what Mrs. Kageyama is doing in her internal monologue.)

(actually I'm recognizing a lot of coping mechanisms here from my own family experiences and that's kind of scary)

"And then she forgot it again whenever she thought of it. Forcefully." owwwww

Ritsu is clearly traumatized by the events surrounding his head injury, but the doctor (and his mother) prefer to focus on the fact that he "was a model patient," and that's pretty emblematic of how Ritsu's problems are treated. As long as he's being a Model Son / Brother / Student / Everything, there's no way he could be struggling with anything! He's the Designated No Problems Child! It's his job to be no trouble to anybody ever to make up for the fact that his brother is a perpetual source of worry.

She can see ???%! She can see him because she has the same exact thing going on internally!

Except what she's repressing is the urge to emotionally connect, to be vulnerable with her son and receive the same from him.

The parenting advice that she has been exposed to assumes that children will work out their own differences among themselves without help, which further assumes that they have somehow already been equipped for conflict resolution. But Shigeo and Ritsu live in a household where you ignore problems instead of addressing them, so they're just doing what they've been indirectly taught. Working with the only coping mechanism they've got. And the cycle repeats endlessly.

"Her shadow self and Shigeo's shadow self are similar, she thinks--they're too much for the dinner table. The dinner table is a place of relaxation. Never, never does any Kageyama disturb the sacred peace of the relaxed atmosphere of the dinner table." But the dinner table is also the one part of the day that the whole family is together, which gives them an opportunity for serious conversation if they could take it--but they won't.

"It's as if Ristu doesn't realize that his parents watch their sons closely, knowing they're going through things that they can't help with because they're just normal parents and you have to let your children work things out on their own." So the parents are screaming out for a chance to help and the children are screaming out for a chance to be helped, but convention is stepping between them and holding a hand over their mouths on each side.

Like Shigeo, she is so entrenched in repressing emotions that she can't even publicly acknowledge the positive ones either. Easier to seem mildly annoyed at having two sons with powers now than to express her relief that the boys have resolved the tension.

Ohhh, and she has no idea what has happened to Shigeo when he comes home after the Mogami incident, and it would crush her if she did find out.

"They're taking care of each other, better than their parents can, some ways." someone help this family

I appreciate the interpretation that the parents really do know more about what's going on (although of course they are missing a lot of important things) than they're letting on because they are choosing to stay out of the chaos. It makes sense.

"They are at peace with the fact that they are background characters in their sons' lives." A family of Mobs.

"It's guilt. It's shame. It's a habit. It's more comfortable to stagnate." As we've established, she and Mob have matching coping mechanisms. And this is a Nine approach as it gets.

(I like the characterization angle you're taking of establishing similarity between her and Shigeo, and maybe implying that Ritsu tends to take more after his father.)

In the show, all we get of Mrs. Kageyama in the scene in which Mob calls Mrs. Takane to ask to speak to Tsubomi is that she overhears him doing it and has a brief reaction. Here, we get some insight into her reaction!

Her heartbreak as she realizes what's going on when the earthquakes hit and her guilt and powerlessness...painful.

Cathartic Shigeo + parents hug and weeping! Much needed.

There are so many characters who are such an important part of Mob's life and his parents have no idea who they are.

"Shigeo comes home that night so exhausted that he falls asleep at the table." I can picture this as well as if they'd animated it.

"Suddenly reaching her limit, Mrs. Kageyama throws out all the parenting advice she's ever head and just...tells the truth." !!!!

"He waits like his mother is about to reveal the secrets of the universe, and in a way, she supposes, she is." Beautiful.

This entire final scene is so poignant it's hard to be coherent about it. "I thought it was just me in the dark." My heart!

Thank you for writing this. I have tremendous respect for how you took a character whose canonical role is so minor, so underdeveloped, and filled in those blanks to create someone so sympathetic. This family's situation is of course nothing that could happen in the real world, and yet the dynamics are very, very real, and that's what makes it work. It's beautiful. I'm glad you wrote it.

Mrs. Kageyama Reaches ???%

People have different sides to them. Mrs. Kageyama is fine with that. She knew getting into motherhood that her kids would bring some things to their parents, and other things, they’d want to deal with on their own. That’s fine. That’s what people do!

She, for instance, worries over her kids out loud, in front of them, but only about the little things. Bumps and scrapes. Bent spoons, dropped dishes. Not the big things. She locks the big things away like an adult, only letting them out a little bit at a time so she doesn’t explode. She whispers to her husband in the dark when the kids won’t overhear them: are there any psychics in your family? Do you think your parents would know anything about how to help Shige?

As far as either Kageyama parent can tell, there aren’t any psychics in their extended families at all. Shigeo Kageyama was the first person out of the ordinary in both entire bloodlines, all the way back to the farmers (on Mrs. Kageyama’s side) and fishermen (on Mr. Kageyama’s side) who started keeping records of their family lines. And oh, it worries Mrs. Kageyama that she doesn’t know how to connect with that side of him.

There’s nothing she can do. Shigeo floats in the air as a baby, and Mr. Kageyama pulls him down like a balloon, but he floats right back up again, and there’s nothing Mrs. Kageyama can do but wait until her baby gets hungry and comes down to her again.

As a toddler, Shigeo talks to things Mrs. Kageyama couldn’t see. He repeats swear words she couldn’t hear the spirits teaching him. Actually, in that case, there is something she could do; one conversation later, Shigeo understands some social niceties he didn’t know about before.

But she can’t help with the root problem of the spirits who teach him words that he shouldn’t know. She wishes she was a psychic, too, not because it seems like fun—it certainly doesn’t, not to her—but because at least she would know what her son was dealing with.

But it isn’t that big of a deal, probably. Shige manages fine. He floats potato chips around to make Ritsu laugh and levitates all the small objects around him when he cries. It’s just another side of him. Shigeo is clearly bothered when other kids think he’s weird, but the Kageyamas let him deal with that by himself. All they can do, really, is keep loving him, feeding him, and making sure he gets to bed on time. The rest will sort itself out. Some things just wouldn’t be helped by parents getting involved.

Shigeo gets quieter as he got older. He still smiles and plays, but he doesn’t laugh out loud as much. He got self-conscious, Mrs. Kageyama thinks, because of those other little kids. Part of Mrs. Kageyama wishes she could talk to him about it, but that’s not how these things are done. Even if she tried to coax Shigeo’s hidden hurt feelings out into the open, all the parenting advice says that that would just stop him from developing the strength to deal with it on his own. And besides, real adults don’t make their children deal with their parents’ emotions.

So she hides that side of herself away. She whispers to her dear husband late at night, what if Shigeo is actually being bullied? What’s the point where we should step in?

He doesn’t know. He says, I think the boy is doing fine for now. Let’s let him socialize by himself for a while. She agrees. They let him socialize by himself. Sometimes he comes home from the park muted and weary, but he usually perks up once he’s eaten dinner, and Ritsu never fails to get a smile out of Shige.

Ritsu can connect with that side of Shigeo that Mrs. Kageyama can’t. His delight in his brother’s powers makes Shigeo smile where Mrs. Kageyama’s loving concern would just be smothering. So that’s all right. Different people can help with different needs.

Shige and Ritsu are good kids. They’re good kids, and they love each other, and they love their parents. But there are things they don’t come to their parents for. And that’s natural.

One New Year’s Day, Mrs. Kageyama got a call from a concerned neighbor and rushed to her sons. She found Shigeo standing stunned, blank-eyed, a few feet away from Ritsu, who was bleeding heavily from a head wound. Head wounds bleed a lot, she was informed by the doctors who stitched Ritsu’s precious little head up. That’s normal.

There was more blood on the ground than what could be explained by Ritsu’s head. Since she didn’t have to do anything about it, Mrs. Kageyama allowed herself to forget that fact. And then she forgot it again whenever she thought of it. Forcefully.

Ritsu didn’t explain what happened. He just went along with his mother and the doctors in a stunned, disbelieving kind of silence. He was a model patient, the doctors said.

Alarmingly, Shigeo didn’t explain what happened, either.

Mrs. Kageyama scrubbed the blood off his face in the hospital bathroom, and he didn’t resist at all. His hair didn’t rise up off his forehead in discomfort, and nothing floated, not even the water from the sink.

She squinted at him. Something was strange about him. Looking into his cast-down eyes, she could almost see something behind Shigeo’s blank expression. Something…

Something…

“Shige…?”

Shigeo made dull eye contact, and for a moment she saw with perfect clarity a boy behind his eyes, a boy with white eyes, screaming.

And then she un-saw it. Forcefully.

After all, there was nothing she could do; everyone has different sides to them, and that’s normal. Not everyone can deal with all the sides of everyone else.

After that, something is different in the Kageyama household. It feels almost like the boys had hit puberty early. Mrs. Kageyama heard from other mothers and parenting books about teenagers, how difficult they were, almost like they became different people overnight. It’s like that with Shigeo and Ritsu, only they’re still baby-faced little boys, not teenagers at all.

The tendency Shigeo always had to turn into a muted shadow of himself after a particularly hard day becomes the norm. He’s quiet. Too quiet. He’s calm. Too calm. He doesn’t laugh at all anymore. It becomes hard to remember that Shigeo was ever genuinely, visibly happy. His smiles at dinner are muted, his eyes always tired, even when he’s thanking Ritsu for unbending his spoons.

He doesn’t use his powers anymore. Not on purpose, anyway.

It hurts the side of Mrs. Kageyama that she has hidden away, the side that wants to stare deep into Shigeo’s eyes and talk to him honestly, to show him her overpowering concern for the part of himself that Shigeo doesn’t come to her for help with.

It’s not like he’s a teenage delinquent or anything, though. He’s perfectly polite. In some ways, he’s exactly the same as before. He still returns from school tired and distant but cheers up at the dinner table, even though his expressions are subtler, nowadays.

But unlike before, Ritsu can’t cheer Shigeo up.

It’s similar with Ritsu: it’s impossible to explain to other mothers how he’s changed. He’s still a model child. He’s still cheerful and helpful and nice. He just…

Sometimes Mrs. Kageyama hears him crying at night. Sometimes she catches sight of him staring at objects with such a fierce expression that she knows instantly what he’s trying to do.

The parenting advice doesn’t cover what you do when one of your children hurt the other one but both of them refuse to acknowledge that anything is wrong. The parenting advice says that if your children are angry at each other, you should give them some advice but mostly let them work it out on their own. But what if they don’t work it out? What if they never even try? There’s nothing to say.

Their family name, Kageyama, begins to seem like a cruel joke. Kage, the shadow side, the other self, the dark half; yama, mountain, something huge and powerful. Mr. Kageyama is the one who points that out, late at night, whispering to his wife. He asks, do you think we’re cursed? Our family?

She lies, No, I think we’re fine. This is pretty normal, I think. People have different sides to them.

He thinks that over. I think you’re right. This is just… like puberty.

Now that the boys are middle schoolers, “puberty” becomes an excellent excuse to explain why the boys don’t share their other sides with their parents or each other. Everyone in the household embraces the excuse with relief.

Ritsu gets good grades. Excellent grades. He’s diligent. Too diligent. He’s a perfect son and brother. Too perfect. Everyone accepts it.

It’s been years since the New Years incident, and Ritsu and Mob—Shigeo goes by Mob at school, Mrs. Kageyama learns from his homeroom teacher—still treat each other with polite respect and no genuineness.

And—Mob? Mob? It’s a name of no identity. Mrs. Kageyama finds that nickname more and more saddening as her son’s other side drifts further and further out of reach. She calls him Shige at the dinner table and he smiles. There’s a shadow self behind his eyes, just as there’s a shadow self behind Mrs. Kageyama’s eyes.

But, after all, people have different sides to them, and that’s only natural. It used to be Ritsu who could make Shigeo happy about his powers, who could touch that side of him that Mrs. Kageyama cannot. Now, there’s someone else in her son’s life who does that: one Reigen Arataka. Her son’s after-school part-time employer and master in the psychic arts.

Shigeo doesn’t show his psychic powers to his parents, not on purpose, anyway, but she’s so, so glad he has somewhere to go to use that part of him. He’s hard to read, but Mrs. Kageyama thinks he gets something really good out of those after-school consultation hours. He often comes home thoughtful, or happier, his shoulders a little lighter, the shadow self behind his eyes not so noticeably unhappy.

She’s happy Reigen Arataka is in her son’s life.

It’s a tremendous relief when Shigeo begins to blossom in middle school. He joins a club. A club! It’s amazing!

Of all things, he chose the Body Improvement Club, which baffles Mrs. Kageyama. Shige has never been… athletic. But she’s not complaining. She’s happy for him. She nearly gasps out loud, one night, when Shigeo tentatively refers to some girl associated with (but not part of?) the Body Improvement Club, Tome Kurata, as his friend.

She nearly gasps out loud, but not quite. She hides her true excitement in that other side of herself. Her shadow self and Shigeo’s shadow self are similar, she thinks—they’re too much for the dinner table. The dinner table is a place of relaxation. Never, never does any Kageyama disturb the sacred peace of the relaxed atmosphere of the dinner table.

Which is why it’s so strange when Ritsu starts acting up and declines to eat dinner with the family.

Something is going on with Ritsu. There’s another side to him, too, but it’s locked away where Mrs. Kageyama can barely even see it. Sometimes, she forgets it’s even there. She’s ashamed of that, but there it is: Shigeo’s troubles are so much more obvious and clear-cut than Ritsu’s that… well… anyway, it becomes obvious that something is going on with Ritsu.

His grins are sharp, his eyes deadly, mannerisms completely changed. It’s as if he doesn’t realize that Mr. and Mrs. Kageyama know him. It’s as if Ritsu doesn’t realize that his parents watch both their sons closely, knowing they’re going through things that they can’t help with because they’re just normal parents and you have to let your children work things out on their own.

Mrs. Kageyama begins to wonder if Ritsu is going to confront Shigeo, finally, with the way Ritsu looks at his brother, eyes venomous. She hopes nothing bad happens. So does her husband.

But then something good happens. Something involving Reigen Arataka and psychic powers, if Mrs. Kageyama had to bet. Shigeo and Ritsu miss dinner. They come home late at night, and in the darkness, straining her ears, tense all over so that she doesn’t make a sound and scare her sons off, she hears Ritsu and Shige stopping in the hall. She hears Ritsu say goodnight, Nii-san, and Shigeo answer, mm. goodnight, Ritsu. And then—amazingly—there’s a cloth-muffled thump that might have been someone clapping someone else on the shoulder, and a quiet, happy huff that can’t have been anyone but Ritsu.

Shige doesn’t touch Ritsu. He never touches Ritsu anymore.

And yet—!

Maybe kids do work things out on their own.

After the boys’ doors close, Mr. Kageyama shifts and hugs Mrs. Kageyama tight in sheer relief. She hugs him back, fiercely, silently, choked up. She’s close to tears.

The next day, Ritsu…. Ritsu has powers. He doesn’t show them off in front of his parents, but Shigeo accidentally bends a spoon at dinner, and while Mrs. Kageyama is scolding him and arguing with Mr. Kageyama in their well-worn, comfortable ritual, Ritsu takes the spoon and just looks at it, and it unbends with a happy little flourish.

Mrs. Kageyama is so happy she could cry, and probably will cry, later, actually, when the boys aren’t around to catch her. At the dinner table, she just lets those feelings slide into her other self and grumbles, “What’s with these kids?” to make them smile.

“Here, Nii-san,” Ritsu says.

“Thanks, Ritsu,” Shigeo says, accepting the spoon. And he smiles.

Shigeo continues to change. He comes out of his shell, little by little. Ritsu gets happier, seeming younger every day. Shigeo’s friends become a bigger part of his life. He starts leaving the house not only for Reigen Arataka but for his friends, not just for the club activities, either, but for karaoke, to go out for ramen, and just to hang out.

More psychic incidents happen. The Kageyama parents can’t help with that, but they can make dinner. They can tease Shige and Ritsu about their powers. They can watch, knowing something is wrong but not pressing Shigeo on it, when he comes home from a job one day with something deep and thoughtful in his eyes. Shigeo starts drinking water instead of milk for a few days. He flinches at the sound of crows and shies away when people move too fast. Mrs. Kageyama is torn in half with the desire to ask him about it, but she doesn’t. Shigeo deals with it on his own.

Shigeo temporarily quits working with Reigen Arataka, and the Kageyamas provide a no-questions-asked, relaxed atmosphere for Shigeo to come home to. It seems to help. They see Shigeo playing video games with Ritsu and they know that Shigeo and Ritsu are going to be fine. They’re taking care of each other, better than their parents can, in some ways. Kids are resilient. Their kids are resilient. They’re so proud of them. They don’t tell them how much they know.

They cheer for Shigeo at the school marathon with all their hearts, even though the sight of him with a skinned knee gives Mrs. Kageyama a jolt of pure terror. Well, he seems to have it under control now. He doesn’t even see them as he keeps running. He’s so big.

When Ritsu opens the door to a red-headed and clearly psychic “friend of his” they’ve never heard of before and looks at them with terror in his eyes, they pretend to believe him when he asks them to leave for a spur-of-the-moment onsen trip.

Maybe it’s selfish. Mrs. Kageyama asks her husband that as they eat dinner that night, pleasantly boiled-feeling from the hot water. “Do you think it’s selfish, leaving them to deal with their psychic problems on their own?”

“Oh, they’ll be okay,” Mr. Kageyama says. “We couldn’t do anything to help them anyway. I mean, look at that!”

He points at the television, where the news is going over the psychic terrorist attack in Seasoning City yet again, with not much more information than last time. There’s live footage of police cars floating in the air.

“After all—”

The TV frizzles and fills with static. Mr. Kageyama laughs a short, helpless little laugh.

“I get it,” Mrs. Kageyama sighs. “I just worry about those boys.”

The honest side of herself writhes in pain at the understatement, but she keeps it down.

“It’s all right as long as they’re together. Shigeo will have it handled,” Mr. Kageyama says. “He’d never let Ritsu get hurt.”

There’s a moment of uncomfortable silence. In each other’s eyes, Mr. and Mrs. Kageyama see Ritsu bleeding and Shigeo with blood spattered on his face.

“That’s true,” Mrs. Kageyama says, hoping it’s true. “They’re very capable kids now.”

When Mr. and Mrs. Kageyama return home, their house has been replaced with an almost identical house. They burst into muffled laughter together in their room, covering their mouths. The pattern of the floorboards in the hall is different. How—how?

They don’t tell Shigeo and Ritsu how much they know.

Everyone has different sides to them. The Kageyama parents are at peace with this. They are at peace with the fact that they are background characters in their sons’ lives. The four Kageyamas show each other a gentle, relaxed side of themselves. It’s a sorely needed safe haven for all of them.

They could keep this up forever. Mrs. and Mr. Kageyama giggle with each other sometimes at night about how Ritsu probably won’t know they knew he was having delusions of grandeur until they’re old and gray, and maybe not even then.

Everything is alright. Still, Mrs. Kageyama sometimes misses Shigeo as a carefree little boy. Still, her shadow self yearns to connect with his.

There’s a specific kind of loneliness she thinks she shares with her older son, something not quite shared by Ritsu or her husband, although they have their own versions. She sees Ritsu use his powers to open drawers and float his school bag over, and she sees Shigeo walk across the room to get his bag, and she thinks: Shige is still stuck in his head. But she doesn’t say anything.

It’s not because of the parenting advice anymore, and it’s not because she’s worried about stunting his personal development. Shigeo is a strong person. He’s been a strong person for a long time. It’s because it’s a habit, and every time Mrs. Kageyama thinks of cornering Shigeo and just… asking him, Shige, can we talk about your powers?, she remembers that she doesn’t have powers, and how can she dare to try to connect with that side of him now, when she hasn’t really tried to do that for Shigeo’s entire life?

It’s guilt. It’s shame. It’s a habit. It’s more comfortable to stagnate.

Kids work things out on their own, right?

Besides, Shigeo isn’t repressing his emotions so much anymore, just his powers. For instance, she heard him calling Mrs. Takane, the mother of one of Mob’s childhood friends. He’s going to talk to his childhood friend again! Mrs. Kageyama is curious what he might talk to Tsubomi-chan about. Is it possible that he might finally be processing the minor bullying that used to bother him so much? But that’s probably just overthinking on her part. Shigeo doesn’t talk about it around his parents, but she’s pretty sure he used to have a crush on Tsubomi-chan, and he might still have a crush on her. Adorable. He’s growing up so fast.

When the earthquakes hit, they hit her right in the guilty conscience.

It’s Shigeo. She knows it’s him. She never really had motherly instincts, but this isn’t a motherly instinct. This is her shadow self recognizing his shadow self, which is so much like hers. The boy with white eyes, screaming. She understands what he’s doing. He’s letting out all of the destructive guilt and shame and fear and rage at himself and everything else that Mrs. Kageyama has been seeing behind his eyes for years and years.

It’s Shigeo’s shadow self, and maybe if Mrs. Kageyama had managed to be brave for once in her life and talk to him about powers, secrets, and emotions, this wouldn’t be happening.

She stares at her phone, where a grainy photo of her oldest son blurs in her vision, and she feels the sob rise in her throat and the tear drip onto the phone, obscuring the bouquet in his hand, as if someone else was doing it.

She doesn’t go out to look for him. She doesn’t have powers. She’d get killed.

It’s Reigen Arataka who brings her son home—Reigen Arataka, who she’s only met once or twice before. He’s uncharacteristically disheveled and red-eyed with crying, and his head is bleeding. Shige did that to him—it’s obvious. Shige has clearly also been crying. He looks up at his mother and father, sniffs bravely, and starts crying again.

Mrs. Kageyama kneels and hugs Shige tight. Mr. Kageyama’s arms close around her and Shigeo, encircling them, and she starts crying again.

The government gets involved, in the form of a bored-looking bald man with a strange cigarette who shows up in a helicopter. He jumps down to ground level, interrupting the crying Kageyama family and the awkwardly standing by Reigen Arataka, and says to Shigeo, “Long time no see.”

Mrs. Kageyama does not like the implication that Shigeo has met this man before.

Shigeo pushes his parents’ arms away, gently but firmly, and steps up to meet the man. He says, “I’m sorry. I’d like to help.”

“Sure, sure,” the government man says dismissively. “Might take a while to rebuild the city, but I can pretty much guarantee no one’s going to mess with you. No one died, so…” he gestures lazily with his cigarette. “This kind of thing happens every once in a while with kid espers. Just thought you might like to know.”

The government man doesn’t spare even a glance for Shigeo’s parents. They don’t ask him anything. It’s like introducing themselves might shatter the illusion of good news and make the man shout, “Gotcha! Your son is going to esper jail right now!”

The government man returns to the helicopter and lifts off. And then it’s just Shigeo, standing awkwardly on the street and not quite making eye contact with his parents, and the voice of Reigen Arataka on the phone summoning other psychics, and a man with an umbrella, “Mob”’s coworker, apparently, arriving and nervously spiriting Shigeo away to meet up with some other psychics, including the one who apparently recreated the Kageyama’s house that one time.

So they don’t address the incident immediately. Shigeo comes home that night so exhausted that he falls asleep at the table. Ritsu looks more awake, but also so dreamily happy that his parents just… don’t ask him any questions. They don’t want to disturb that happiness.

The next day, they don’t address it again. Shigeo is a heavy sleeper. He wakes up slowly, brushes his teeth, and sets off for school, which didn’t get destroyed during his shadow self’s meltdown, probably for the same reason that their house went practically untouched, though shaken, among the earthquakes. Shige doesn’t come home until very late again, and when Mrs. Kageyama gives him a bento box to eat before bed, he just says thank you. To her tentative question—were you helping with the city today, Shige?—he gives an exhausted, affirming “mm.”

He’s tired. She lets him wobble off to bed.

It doesn’t actually take very long for the city to be healed. Shige stops being tired all the time right away after his bedtime gets back to normal. He’s livelier than Mrs. Kageyama has seen him in years—smiling, joking with Ritsu, arguing with him sometimes, sulking when he feels like it. He laughs again.

He’s so different. But he’s still Shigeo. And he still has something behind his eyes. At dinner, when their eyes meet, Mrs. Kageyama’s shadow self reaches out to her son’s shadow self, still.

Which is a strange sensation, because Shigeo isn’t repressing his emotions anymore, or his powers, either. But there’s still something there, something or someone existing in reserve behind his eyes. She second-guesses herself about it at first, particularly when Mob laughs or scowls or displays his powers and emotions like he’s never thought twice about it. He seems so… whole. It’s not a child made of shadows anymore. But in other moments—when he’s watching Ritsu or when he doesn’t have much to say, when he hesitates, when he has a forgetful spell—Mrs. Kageyama is sure she sees it. Another presence within her son.

Call it motherly instincts or call it Mrs. Kageyama’s shadow self resonating with her son’s shadow self—either way, she knows. Shigeo Kageyama is still hiding another side within himself, even though that other side is happier now.

So one day, a few months after the incident, once she’s sure Shigeo is really stable like this… Mrs. Kageyama catches Shigeo before school and asks him to come home and have a talk with her after school.

He looks surprised, then nervous, then pleased.

“Yes, mom,” he says. And that’s that.

Talking to a teenager is easier than they said! That’s Mrs. Kageyama’s first, indignant thought. And then right on the heels of that thought comes what am I getting myself into?!

After school, Shigeo comes right home. Mr. Kageyama will stay at work for a while, and Ritsu has student council today; it’s the perfect time. Mrs. Kageyama sits down with her son and finds herself at a loss, not knowing exactly what to say.

Shigeo waits, watching her seriously.

“Shige,” she says, and feels her shadow self rise up in her, telling her to just break down and cry. Her voice wobbles as she tries again. “Shige, I want to tell you something. I think you’re old enough…”

Mortified alarm flashes across Shigeo’s face. Oh no! She waves her hands, trying to erase what he’s thinking.

“About your psychic powers,” she says hastily.

He looks relieved for a split second, and then his eyes widen. His hair rises up off his forehead, and she hears a slosh as something happens to the water in the sink. He’s scared? Of all things, she had not expected Shigeo to be frightened of talking about his powers. She expected him to be irritated and dismissive, like the parenting advice says that teenagers always are. The parenting advice was wrong. Again.

Suddenly reaching her limit, Mrs. Kageyama throws out all the parenting advice she’s ever heard and just… tells the truth.

“Or, ah, not about psychic powers exactly. About… Shige, I think something runs in our family, and it’s not powers, but I think you and I share it.”

Shige’s eyes grow impossibly wider. He waits like his mother is about to reveal the secrets of the universe, and in a way, she supposes, she is.

“Tell me if I’m wrong,” she says carefully. “But you have more than one “self”, don’t you?”

He opens his mouth, and nothing comes out.

Nothing at all.

Mrs. Kageyama says, “You split yourself in half, back then… I saw it happen. I’m sorry, but I didn’t know how to help, because I… I didn’t know what to do about my shadow self, either.”

“Your shadow self, mom?”

His voice is quiet, so quiet. Mrs. Kageyama nods, feeling her shadow self sob and writhe in her head. It’s an unsightly thing. It’s so possessive, so emotional. She can’t let it do whatever it wants. That would hurt her children, and she loves her children, so, so much. She would never hurt them.

“I kept it quiet because I thought…” she takes a sharp breath. “It’s too much, and I wanted to keep you and Ritsu… comfortable. Parents can’t ask their children to carry their worries.”

“What do you mean?” Shigeo asks. He sounds so young, and so hurt.

“I never asked you what it was like to have powers,” she blurts out, and the wave of guilt that follows is tremendous, but so is the relief. “I’m so sorry. I let you deal with everything on your own. I didn’t realize…”

Shigeo’s lips are trembling. He says, “Mom, you have a shadow self too?”

“You’re just like me,” she says, and how, how did she never know that honesty could feel so good, even when it's also excruciating? Like a cold drink after a long, hot day. “I knew you were just like me, and I didn’t tell you. I thought you could deal with it on your own. I’m so sorry, Shige.”

“Mom,” he says, and starts crying.

To hell with parenting advice. To hell with keeping her shadow self from shattering the relaxed facade of the Kageyama household. Shigeo deserves better.

Mrs. Kageyama stumbles out of her kneeling posture and grabs her son and holds him close.

“Shige,” she says into his hair. “Shige. Shige.”

“I thought it was just me,” Shigeo gasps. “I thought it was just me in the dark.”

And, with a start, she realizes why his shadow self is different now. They switched places, didn’t they? The Shigeo she’s talking to right now is the one her shadow self used to stare at longingly across the dinner table.

“So you’re that one,” she says, with all the shaky, weepy tenderness she's been repressing for years. “Hello. I’m so pleased to finally meet you.”

Shige sobs. Everything in the room is floating. She could cry. She does.

Then Shigeo pushes himself out of the hug and looks at his mother, trembling but clearly happy and calm in a way she’s rarely ever seen him, even when he was young.

“You're wrong,” he says. “I am myself. I accepted both parts.”

“So you’re—” Mrs. Kageyama stops, thinking that over. Does it not matter anymore, to Shigeo? Which “self” is which?

Could it not matter to her, either, someday?

Tentatively, she lets more of herself out.

“I’m so sorry, Shige. I listened to the wrong advice. I should be the one helping you figure this out, not the other way around.”

Shigeo looks her in the eye. He says, “Adults can change too. It’s not too late.”

She looks back, and in his eyes she sees both of him, and she knows that now he sees both of her too. And she is not afraid to show him.

Not anymore.

#brown-little-robin #Mrs. Kageyama Reaches ???%

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