#going back to work after years away was honestly terrifying but i feel so safe there

[apassingbird]

i'm so happy i decided to take a leap of faith and start over (again) because i've finally found something i'm both good at and enjoy doing and i just. i love my job so fucking much.

[illdowhatiwantthanks]

Hi, honey! Could you please write something about Emily Prentiss having a teenage daughter who sh’s and Em finds out? I know you wrote something similar and it’s perfectly okay if you feel like this is too repetitive <3 Ps; you’re so incredible and I aspire to be able to write like you do!! <3

Here you go, Anon! It's true, I've had a lot of SH-related requests recently, but I really don't mind the repetition. If it's something people want more of, and it helps them feel safe and heard and loved, I'm happy to write it. ❤️ (and thank you so much I'm so flattered! <3)

Tiny

Emily Prentiss x daughter!reader Warnings: self-harm, discussion of self-harm and self-harm tools, mental illness, internalized homophobia, explicit language (please let me know if I've missed anything!) Word count: 1.8k

Summary: After your best friend moves away, you start to struggle with depression, loneliness, and self-harm. You do a pretty good job of hiding it for a while but your mom is a profiler after all.

You’d been so good, so good, at hiding it. Long sleeves. Bracelets. You kept the tiny, sharp travel scissors in your locker at school, disguised in a bag with fabric and buttons and needles. A sewing project, you always said if anyone asked. But no one asked.

The truth of the matter was that you didn’t have many friends. And Sophia, your best friend since second grade, had moved to Denver last year for her dad’s job. You’d sworn to keep in touch, sworn that you’d stay best friends no matter what. And you’d tried, you’d really tried. But the daily texts had turned into weekly texts. The every-other-night FaceTime calls became every-other-month. And every time you talked to her, it seemed like her life was better than ever. She had new friends. A new soccer team. Even a boyfriend. It seemed like every time you called her, she was with him.

It hurt when you realized that Sophia liked spending time with her new boyfriend more than spending time with you. But it had hurt even more to examine your own jealousy, your own inexplicable rage at her moving on, making new friends, having new experiences. The reality–that you liked Sophia as more than a friend–hit you like a gut punch. And you didn’t know who to talk to about it. Normally, you’d talk to Sophia. But you couldn’t talk to her about this. Honestly, you weren’t even sure you were good enough friends to talk about boys or girls or whoever anymore. She’d drifted away and left you behind.

You thought about talking to your mom–she’d dated girls. But she was so busy with work, so stressed. She tried really hard not to let on when she was home, but you could see how tired she was, how she nodded blankly when you told her about your day, her mind elsewhere. No doubt with the hundreds of psychopaths and murderers she investigated every day.

You didn’t know who you were or what you were. You just knew that you were lonely and hurt and so deeply confused. There were other LGBTQ+ kids at school, but they’d all been out since middle school. They had that unbreakable comradery that queer kids who flock together often have. And you’d missed it.

All the confusion, all the hurt, all the feelings, roiled inside you until there was no place for it to go except out. The first time you’d drawn the scissors across your forearm, the blood had surprised you, as had the brief moment where there was blood but no pain. But when the pain did hit, it felt like a balloon had popped, like something that had been growing and growing and pressing in on you had shrunk back down to a manageable size.

Of course, the shame followed. Of course, you felt terrible, guilty, ashamed, sick to your stomach. Of course, you cried when you thought about what your mom would say if she saw it, what Sophia would say. But even worse, you knew they’d ask why. And you were terrified to talk about why. So you put on your long sleeves. You started wearing bracelets. And you hoped that no one would notice.

But that night, after a quick dinner of takeout pizza and Caesar salad, your mom had asked you to wash up and, without thinking, you’d rolled up your sleeves to do the dishes.

“Oh my god!” your mom exclaimed, rushing to your side. “What happened to your arm!?”

It was so stupid. You’d been so careful. You’d kept this a secret for months and now, with just one fuck-up, you’d ruined it.

“Nothing!” you cried, squirming out of her grip. “I just… I scratched myself, that’s all.”

But your mom wasn’t stupid. She spoke six languages. She headed an FBI unit. She was the smartest person you knew. She profiled people for a living. And she could tell when you were lying.

“Y/N!” she chastised, grabbing onto your arms hard. She'd also trained in hand-to-hand combat so you were really no match for her.

She turned your wrists around so she could see the inside of your arms, and the look on her face nearly broke you. It was sadness, it was guilt, it was shock and disbelief and worry, so much worry. You stared at the ceiling, willing yourself not to cry, mouth clamped shut.

“Y/N,” she said, quieter, running a gentle thumb along your forearms. “Tiny, look at me.” A tear dripped down your cheek. She didn’t call you Tiny much these days. And you always rolled your eyes when she did. It was what she’d called you when you were little. I love you, Tiny. You're so strong, Tiny! You can do it! Everything’s gonna be okay, Tiny.

You sniffed and lowered your head to look at her, more tears falling. You saw that your mom had tears in her eyes, too, and it made you feel awful.

“How long have you been hurting yourself?” she asked, her voice calm and gentle, full of emotion.

“I don’t know,” you mumbled, sniffling. “Maybe like… six months?”

She let out a shaky sigh and nodded. “Okay,” she said, more to herself than to you. “Okay.” After a moment, she drew you into her, and you pressed your face into her chest, finally letting yourself cry.

“It’s okay, honey,” she cooed, smoothing your hair as she hugged you. “It’s gonna be okay.”

When your sobs had calmed to hiccups, you emerged, face red and blotchy. Your mom wiped your face with her hands and motioned to the kitchen table. “This might be hard for you,” she started, looking at you earnestly. “But we need to talk about it. Go ahead and sit down. I’m gonna make us some tea.”

You took deep, soothing breaths as your mom set a steeping cup of chamomile in front of you, holding her own close to her chest.

“Are you mad at me?” you whispered, scared of the conversation to come.

“No, baby,” she assured you, squeezing your hand. “I’m not mad. I’m worried about you, that’s all.”

You nodded.

“Now, first things first,” she began, and you winced, sure she was going to take something away from you or ground you or something. “Do you know how to properly clean and dress a cut like that?”

You blinked in surprise. “Uh…” You were floundering. This is not where you expected this conversation to go. “I mean, I put band-aids on them.”

“Yeah, no,” your mom said, taking out her phone and making a note. “We’re gonna get you some alcohol sterilizer. Let’s see… Neosporin, gauze bandages. Probably butterfly bandages too, just in case. And whatever it is that you’re using for… this… you need to be sanitizing it before you use it.”

Your jaw dropped and you stared at her. “You don’t… want me to stop?”

She clicked the phone shut and stared purposefully at you. “Oh, no. Hear me loud and clear. I absolutely want you to stop. But… from what I know about self-harm, it’s a process. It might take some time. You might have relapses. And I just want you to be as safe as you can in recovery.”

“Thanks, Mom,” you said quietly, surprised at her response. You hadn’t really thought about being safe while cutting. Since cutting itself wasn’t exactly safe. Trust your mom to always be looking for ways to take care of you.

Your mom pursed her lips for a moment, as if thinking about how to proceed. And, once again, you were terrified that she was going to make you feel worse somehow, even if she didn’t mean to.

“It’s okay,” she stuttered, breathing out heavily, “if you don’t want to talk to me about what’s making you want to do this, but you need to talk to somebody. So tomorrow I’m gonna make some phone calls and we’re gonna find a therapist. And if your therapist recommends it, we might need to find you a psychiatric facility for a little bit.”

Ice-cold panic flooded your veins. “No, Mom, please!” 

“Hey, hey,” she said, grabbing your hands. “It is not a punishment. There is nothing wrong or shameful about your brain needing some help, okay? Even if it’s scary, we’re gonna do what we need to do to help you get better. Yes?”

You exhaled and nodded.

“Okay. So that’s what we’re gonna do.”

You were both silent for a moment, sipping your tea. You wished you could tell what your mom was thinking. You wished you could tell her what you were thinking. You so desperately wanted to tell someone. And you were scared. Scared that your mom would never look at you the same again. Scared that you’d never again be that same little girl, her Tiny. There was too much wrong with you.

You sniffled as your eyes filled with tears again. “Mom?” you squeaked.

“Yeah, honey?”

You asked what you were most afraid to ask. “Do you still love me?”

“Oh, baby,” she said, scooting her chair toward you and wrapping you in her arms. “Of course I do. I love you so much. I’ll always love you. You’re my little girl, you’re my Tiny.”

Your shoulders shook as you wept. “I just feel…” you cried. “I just feel like no one really loves me.”

“That’s just not true,” your mom said, rubbing your back. “I love you. All your aunts and uncles at the BAU love you. What about Sophia? She loves you.”

You cried even harder. “No, she doesn’t, Mom.”

Your mom brushed your hair away from her face. “What are you talking about? You talk all the time.”

And when you finally said it, it felt like a weight off your shoulders, like you’d been carrying a mountain for months and someone had finally lifted it away. You shook as you spoke. “She doesn’t love me like I love her.”

Understanding flooded your mom’s face. She nodded, and you could tell by the look on her face, by the empathy in her eyes, by the way she squeezed your hand and cupped your face and pursed her lips that she knew. She knew what it was like. She knew the confusion and the hurt and the self-hatred. She knew it all.

And it was almost better that she didn’t say anything. Anything at all. She just looked at you and understood. She just brushed your tears away with her thumb and let you finish crying. And when your sobs subsided, she held your hand. And she kept holding it. And after a while, she brushed your hair out of your face and said, “Everything’s gonna be okay, Tiny. I promise.”

And you knew–because she was your mom, because she was her, because she loved you and you loved her–that it would be.

[inkyquince]

YOU MAKE ME WEEP 😭 I MISS YOU AND I HAVEN'T BEEN ON. can't wait for the semester to wrap up. but i did get a job for the summer hahaha!!

i'm trying to get pregnant by kylar or eden. so far i have FAILED.

honestly, i must ask how you would think wren would be as a parent. would love to hear any thoughts on that!!!

THIS GOT BURIED, IM SO SORRY!!

DW, we know how Eden and Kylar are. Non stop fuck nasty machines.

Okay, for Wren as a dad, it... Depends?

Like, does he like you as a fuck buddy or does he... Like you, like you? Like Like... Like Love Like?

Cuz if its the first one, I think the best you get is that he's going to be not present at all. Like he sends money, he's going to show up some days to absolutely dazzle your kid with a horse ride and presents and shit, and then won't come and visit for another 8 months. He's flighty as fuck, he's busy. Your kid will have his beautiful hair, maybe his soft brown eyes. Maybe your kid will always love him because he's the cool fun dad who spoils them when he does come around. Maybe they get disenchanted by him by the time they hit their teens. He doesn't pick up when they call, he doesn't come to important events. Maybe one day he comes by with a couple of presents and they flatly turn down going out for a day with him. You might get to watch his face fall a bit. Maybe just his eyes just get a bit duller.

Your kid goes off to hang out with friends and you and Wren get to have a drink together for the first time in ages, since his attention is normally on your kid, never you. He's down. Says he wants to do better. But you know him by now. So you just offer a pat on the back, and wonder if this is the last time you'll see him again, since he's finally been turned away by his kid, and has no reason to come back anymore.

NOW, if you're someone he actually fucking likes?

My god. Wants his annoying input in everything you do. Choosing a flat? "Sunshine, babycakes, darling, its cheaper to get a lil cottage out on the farmlands, and then I can come by every night after work and-" Deciding on a crib? "Sweetheart, muffin, angel face, let me see if i can get it handmade, never should trust the plastic shit, fuck, I slept in the top drawer for the first 3 months of my life, baby-" Like its cute, but shut up babe.

He's going to be in your damn life. Even if you say he can take a backseat, he's fucking taking that backseat out, taking out the gear stick and putting his seat there. Fuck you.

Somehow got into your phone to get a copy of important upcoming dates, and he skids into the ultrasound, all sweaty, just as you're getting your gown on.

He's going to be your fucking best friend in this. That's Wren as a lover, boyfriend, partner, it's as a best friend who really wants to get into your pants and deigns to bombard you with sloppy kisses just because he knows it makes you swat at him.

He would sometimes not show up days in a row, but it's never months. Just a few days, and he comes back with an oversized plush under his arm, or a stupidly big cake or something.

He loves that kid man. He's always gonna love his kid, but they aren't an afterthought anymore. He wants 50 more hours in the day, so he doesn't have to choose between work and his home.

Wren's also fucking terrified. He knows the town he lives in, its why he wanted you in the farmlands, not in town. Will beg you to consider homeschooling. In his perfect world, his kid never steps foot in town, and gets to grow up with nature, and feeling safe. Doesn't matter what age, he wants to be old as fuck, and have his 40 year old kid still at home and training horses or something.

Wren, overall, as a parent would love his kid. But his relationship with you would decide how much he wants to actually be there.

[anxiousnerdwritings]

(Based off of something I mentioned in this ask)

Oh Deary,

I’m so sorry. So so so very sorry. I hadn’t ever meant any harm when I signed that god forsaken petition but when Arthur had come home one day from work and mentioned that there was word of an obscurus going around I panicked. Not only that but that the obscurus was going to be brought in to take a position at Hogwarts, among our children. A flurry of fear, worry and outrage was going around regarding the whole situation but Arthur wasn’t worried about it. He had trust in Albus and if Albus was invested in it then it couldn’t be nearly as awful as everyone was making it seem. And I should have shared that same trust but I couldn’t. Not when my children were involved. I had let fear and anxiety regarding the topic consume me and I took action against Arthur’s reassurance. And I took action against you without even knowing.

My main concern had been for my children and their safety. That was all I could think of. And honestly, I had felt so much relief after I signed that petition that I hadn’t thought twice about it again. I had taken action and with knowing that I did something for the sake of my children, I felt content.

When the new school year started, one of he first things Percy did was notify us that there was indeed an obscurus at Hogwarts and made part of the staff, assisting the groundskeeper with bits and bobs. And also about how Fred and George had taken to befriending the said obscurus. I had immediately been plagued with that same feeling of worry and anxiety all over again. Of course, Fred and George would do something like that! But as I continued to read Percy’s letter he spoke so positively about the obscurus, about you.

You were nothing like anyone had presumed you to be or made you seem, you were someone just surviving and living with what they had been dealt with. Given what all Percy was saying, I felt all the overwhelming and intense emotions fleeting away. I was glad he could shine some light on this situation and give us some ease to know that all our children were going to be safe and sound.

It wasn’t too long after we received Percy’s letter that we had gotten Fred and George’s letters as well. And their letters certainly made a whole lot of difference to me. They spoke so adoringly of you. It was obvious just how much the two had taken to you and that they were clinging on to you as much as they could. I could feel my own joy bubbling up inside me as I continued to read through their words. But it wasn’t until I saw the pictures that the twins had sent along with their letters that I felt my heart clench. There were a few different pictures of the twins, Ron, Harry, Lee Jordan, and a few others, but it was the ones that had my boys and a new face that garnered my attention.

Reading the back of the photographs I learned that this new face was you. That’s when I learned that you weren’t even all that much older than my own children, you looked to be around Bill and Charlie’s age. I couldn’t help the overwhelming feeling that washed over me in that moment. You were still a child yourself, it didn’t matter how self sufficient you were or that you were taking on an adult role as a staff member at Hogwarts. You were a child.

The obscurus everyone had been so fearful and worried about, the same obscurus I had been so terrified to have my children around, was only a child themself. I took part to get rid of you at Hogwarts. I took action in trying to rip apart the only piece of acceptance or belonging you would ever experience. I had a hand in taking everything away from you; a home, a livelihood, friends, mentors, a family. I couldn’t believe I took part in something that would have such a drastic impact on you when you were only trying to exist.

I had sobbed all night after coming to realize what exactly my taking part in that petition would come to mean. I know Albus had put a stop to it pretty early on but who knew what the repercussions of it would mean if you or anyone else came across it. Every part of me wanted to apologize to you right then and there after coming to realize everything but I didn’t know how. So, all I could muster myself to do was tell Fred and George to invite you to join us for the next upcoming year’s holiday break. I would welcome you into our home, into our family with warm open arms.

When the holiday break came rolling around and the fated day you would be arriving was growing nearer and nearer, I was running around trying to make everything perfect. It wasn’t though, nothing ever really was perfect in our home but I tried and when you got here you were an absolute delight. You didn’t mind anything and were more than happily content with our home and what it had to offer. You had just been so excited to be invited over at all and that made me want to envelope you in all the love I had to give.

I had decided from that moment that you were completely and utterly, irrevocably a part of our lives. And I wouldn’t have it any other way. Fred, George, Ron, Harry, Ginny, Arthur and even Percy all adored you to no end. And I couldn’t help but to do the same. In such a short amount of time you became something truly special to us all.

…Only for it to all come crashing down…

I’m not even sure if you will bother reading this but I just want you to know how truly sorry I am, (Name). I don’t know how that petition got to you or where it came from given that Albus had gone to great lengths to erase any trace of it, but I am so sorry you had to see it. I can’t ever forgive myself for my actions and the fact that they have caused you so much hurt. I don’t expect you to forgive me either but please don’t hold anything against the kids. They are all so worried about you since you left Hogwarts. The other teachers at the school have also shared their overwhelming concern for you given that you haven’t answered anyone’s letters. Even, Albus hasn’t heard from you for awhile, it’s even been rumored that you up and left the place he had made a home just for you and that has him noticeably anxious. Not to mention, Hagrid isn’t holding up all too well either.

Please, I know I’m not one to ask anything of you especially not now, but would you please let someone, anyone know that you are okay. And if you’re not then please tell us. We just want to know what’s going on and that you’re safe. Please.

With love,

Molly

[fumifooms]

Howl’s moving castle dunmeshi AU

I’ve cracked the code I know why I love Marcille x Chilchuck so much. They’re literally just like Howl’s Moving Castle Howl and Sophie. Okok indulge me for a sec I’m about to dump so many pics and ramble for a bit. I want you to see my marchil vision. It’s fabulous extra cringefail hopeless romantic drama queen x grumpy old sad angry caring hardworking person cursed to be here & cursing fate and giving tough love to everything in a miles radius. No one is safe. From either of them. Calcifer or Micheal is Izutsumi. Wait wait no Calcifer is Senshi and Michael is Izutsumi. Senshi as Calcifer works bc Calcifer is just chained to Howl and is there reminding Howl to not die and take care of himself, giving hints about how to break the curse to Sophie, also the fire demon cooks the eggs and bacon checkmate. And then LAIOS IS TURNIP HEAD OH MY GOD THAT WORKS OUT PERFECTLY. Chilchuck & Marcille, screaming terrified of the weird scarecrow chasing after them, meanwhile the weird scarecrow that’s harmless: :(. Wizard Suliman is Falin and the second fire demon is Winged Lion, so bam everything comes full circle.

I’m assuming most people who’ll see this post maybe saw the movie but not the book, and what you need to know is that the movie makes Howl so much dreamier and collected and cool, whereas in the book he’s just a drama queen 24/7 that’s it. He’s a wet cat dressed in expensive sparkly glittery gowns that needs to be yelled at to do anything he needs to do. He complains. He bemoans. Meanwhile Sophie is, honestly pretty like in the movie? Less contrarian and anger issues but will grumble and yells while cleaning nonetheless. Hardworking but will pathetically sit down on a chair in a dark corner to cry about her aching bones and OHH this is ALL because she’s the eldest child and she was doomed for unhappiness and no one can ever love her… So she’ll whack everyone into order and purge her feelings through aggressive cleaning and using weed killer. IS THIS NOT GIVING MARCILLE & CHIL TO YOU?!

There’s this funny widespread take from the fandom:

And it couldn’t be more true in a marchil context either. Like come on. For all of this post just swap the names of Howl for Marcille and Sophie for Chilchuck.

(Last one with the art by Cookiekappa on Tumblr)

Tell me this isn’t so Marcille. Tell me Chil wouldn’t run away from home thinking he’s failed life and is no longer in shape to work and now has to waddle in self-pity, seeking out wizards which he hates and finds shady bc it’s his last option, and then end up a maid & cleans everything out of spite and also worry for the person living there. Tell me Marcille wouldn’t throw a depressed slime tantrum so bad that it causes a partial town evacuation because her wails summon unknown horrors, over her HAIR. Forget slime she’d blow up the house instantly. She would breakdance as refusal to go see the king. Chilchuck would call her a slitherer-outer and she would gasp in offense and they’d have a fight.

Marcille having full on poems laying around and then Chil & Izu seeing them and being like "Ah yes, this must be a spell, it makes no sense and is so extra, just like how silly our resident witch and her magic is". Izutsumi going "Okay peepaw I’ll teach you how to use a magical bucket just take one step forward-" and they immediately fuck it up and they’re left stranded in far unknown lands. Chilchuck complaining that HIS BACK HURTS. And at every turn or something mildly inconveniencing him "NOTHING GOOD EVER HAPPENS TO THE MIDDLE CHILD".

And can we talk about the aging motif, the curse… Marcille never letting herself grow close to someone even though she does all these grand gestures for them at first. Meanwhile her fear of loss stares at her straight in the eye whenever she looks at 90 years old Chilchuck, and her deciding to not run away from their relationship is what ends up healing both of them. She gets over her fear of intimacy and he grows over feeling like a terribly dull unlovable failure. Me sobbing when I remember how Sophie’s curse of being old is a self-inflicted manifestation of herself thinking she’s romantically unlovable and weak…….

This is it for now but rest assured that I want to make art of this, have these memes for now

[marluvvs]

I love your works so much, don’t listen to the haters🙄 Anyways can u possibly do a Joel Goldberg angst type of thing??? Like where joel and the reader breaks up and than he kind of stalks her???💕💕💕

“Escaping”

a/n: Thank you so much for your kind words and support, I honestly didn’t know what to write so it might be sloppy 😔

Y/N's heart pounded in their chest as they stared at the glass cage in Joe's basement. They couldn't believe what they were seeing - it looked like something out of a horror movie.

"What is this?" Y/N asked, their voice barely above a whisper.

Joe's expression darkened. "It's nothing, Y/N. Just... something I built a long time ago. It's not important."

Y/N shook their head. "No, Joe, this is important. What is it for? Why is it here?"

Joe hesitated, looking down at his feet. "I built it to... to keep someone safe."

"Keep someone safe?" Y/N repeated, their voice rising. "Joe, this is a cage. You can't keep someone safe in a cage. Who did you put in here?"

Joe's jaw tightened. "It doesn't matter, Y/N. It's over now. I haven't used it in years."

Y/N's eyes widened. "Years? Joe, how long have you had this thing?"

Joe didn't answer, and Y/N knew the answer before he even spoke.

"Since before I met you," he said finally.

Y/N felt sick to their stomach. "You... you put someone in here before you met me?"

Joe nodded slowly. "Yes. But it was a long time ago, Y/N. I didn't know what else to do. I was trying to help them."

"By locking them up?" Y/N exclaimed, their voice rising in anger. "That's not help, Joe. That's abuse."

Joe looked at Y/N, his eyes pleading. "Please, Y/N. I know it's not right. But I need you to understand. I did it out of love.”

Y/N suddenly wakes up, not remembering that she fell asleep in the first place.

"You... you locked me in the glass cage?" Y/N asked, their voice trembling.

Joe looked away, his expression pained. "I didn't mean to scare you, Y/N. I just... I don't know. I felt like I needed to keep you safe."

"By locking me up like a prisoner?" Y/N exclaimed. "Joe, that's not safe. That's not normal. I can't believe you would do something like that."

"I know, I know," Joe said, his voice cracking. "I'm sorry. I just... I don't want to lose you. I can't imagine my life without you."

Y/N shook their head in disbelief. "I can't stay with you, Joe. Not after this. I don't feel safe around you anymore."

Joe's eyes filled with tears. "Please, Y/N, don't go. I'll do anything. I'll give you money, I'll tell you where to go. Just please, don't tell anyone about the cage. I couldn't bear it if people found out."

Y/N hesitated, torn between their love for Joe and their fear of what he was capable of. Finally, they shook their head. "I have to go, Joe. I'm sorry."

Joe nodded, tears streaming down his face. He handed Y/N an envelope full of cash and a piece of paper with an address on it. "Go there. It's a safe place. You'll be okay."

Y/N took the money and the address, feeling numb. "Goodbye, Joe."

Joe choked back a sob. "Goodbye, Y/N. I'll always love you."

You were torn. Part of you wanted to believe Joe and give him another chance, but another part of you was terrified of what he was capable of.

As you walked away, you could feel Joe's eyes on your back, and a part of you wondered if you were making a mistake by leaving him behind.

a/n: also I don’t know what happened to the gif

[ladyvictory22]

Fall into Temptation (V: Renaissance)

"In the garden of storms, the roots of redemption intertwine, blooming with the promise of a rebirth after the tempest."

Endings are not always happy; sometimes, they need work, many things need fixing. It took Christian a while to understand, but he realized that after the hurricane, after being distant from Toto and coming back together, they had to work to stay united.

Initially, the atmosphere felt tense for them. It wasn't about winning a battle; they didn't feel like their love had won because the remorse was still there.

That was something they had to improve. Despite the Grand Prix events flowing smoothly, they still had the habit of meeting in secret, as if someone would discover them. And they did have to hide because everything that happened hadn't come to light.

To make things flow organically in public, their separations would occur with a time differential of months or even a year. Toto would announce his public divorce first, due to Susie's commitments in Formula One and because she would be reconnecting with her ex-husband, revealing the lack of affection.

However, before all this happened, everyone was taking some time to process everything and leave behind the remorse and regret, just to get up and move on.

Since Toto suggested that he could stay at Christian's house, it was a pretty appropriate idea. Christian liked to wake up feeling an arm around his waist, feeling Toto's breath on his neck.

There were times when he woke up with kisses that Toto left on his neck, which then turned into kisses on the lips. And if they were in the mood, which was almost always the case, it ended up becoming a panting and heated mess.

So, in a way, while everything is settling into a new order, they are living their own honeymoon.

Sometimes Christian feels that things may be moving too fast or that they have become quite accustomed to being domestic. Perhaps it has to do with the fact that in the Grand Prix events, they stay together.

Although it's a bit different now, Christian has taught Toto how to feed his animals, with some grace, as Christian never imagined Toto Wolff with animals around him, yet there he is, helping.

One thing Christian truly confirmed is that his partner is really afraid of cats. Toto can approach any of Christian's pets except his cats.

So, Christian had set himself the task of making Toto overcome his fear of cats, so he came up with a plan.

They hadn't talked to Geri about the distribution of their pets, at least the ones at home. They had two dogs and two cats, so they had some idea of how it would be.

Venus is usually a calm cat that sometimes needs brushing, so Christian thought Toto could help with that.

"Is this a joke?" The Austrian said, watching Christian pet Venus.

It's not that Toto runs away when he sees a cat, but he keeps them at a safe distance.

"Come on... Venus is affectionate and sweet, she won't harm you," said Christian, pushing the brush toward Toto.

Toto gave a look, resembling a terrified and angry child at the same time.

"Don't look at me like that," said Christian, holding back laughter.

"Like what?" Toto said.

"Like a forced child," Christian smiled.

"I feel like one," murmured Toto.

Then Christian gave him a kiss on the cheek.

"If you don't try, that fear will never go away," he said.

Toto sighed in defeat, took the brush, and started brushing gently. The cat started purring, stretching because she liked it. Maybe for a moment, he felt the cat would pounce on him, but fortunately, it didn't happen.

"Have you never tried touching a kitty before?" Christian asked, watching the scene.

"Honestly, no. I used to be the type to say 'No means no,' and that's it. No one used to contradict me," he replied.

"Well, what a coincidence... I'm someone who contradicts you," Christian said, stroking Toto's arm.

They both smiled, and a little kiss.

The next days were fun for Christian, as Venus approached Toto, and he could see how gradually the fear or apprehension disappeared. Soon, Toto had Venus sleeping in his lap.

"It seems like you guys have become friends," Christian said. "Now you're going to have to get used to cat hair on your clothes, love."

Toto huffed in response with a half-smile.

~~~~~

It's not that they always spent time together, most of the time they did, but they also needed to dedicate time to their children. Explaining why they were no longer with their mothers, though it was something they would understand as they grew older.

Bluebell was probably the most complicated for Christian. Maybe Geri had never mentioned anything about it, but he felt very guilty. When they talked after Geri left home with the children, Christian became too emotional. All he said to his daughter was, "Forgive me," and she kindly just hugged him and said everything was fine, even though she ignored what had really happened.

With Olivia and Monty, it's different. They are kids, there's a different way to explain, but they are quite mature, and they don't get upset about it. When they are, they say it.

With Toto, it's different. His older children understand the situation a bit better. They looked down on Susie, but they didn't want to pry, especially out of respect for their father and stepmother, so they waited for the news to come.

But Jack was very different. He used to ask a lot, and sometimes Toto really didn't know how to answer. And on those days when he couldn't answer so many questions, Toto would just gently hug Jack, telling him that he would always be there for him.

~~~~~

They didn't bring their children together quickly; they waited for some time. First, they had to get to know them, so everything was slow and turned into a personalized introduction for each child.

Christian doesn't know if he's really paying some kind of karma with Olivia, since his little one not only looks exactly like him but also tends to... play pranks like him. She usually responds to jokes with other words. She's a very clever girl.

So one day, she managed to make her father nervous and embarrassed. That day, she got to know Toto more personally, having already seen him in the paddock when Christian took her to the races.

But she hadn't seen him in the way she sees him now. Toto gave her a gift, a lamp that, when lit, reflected stars and also rotated.

There, the little one noticed something, how her dad looked at Toto and how he smiled when Toto gave him his gift. Maybe in the past, she had seen that look between Geri and her dad, and her dad also looked at Geri with affection.

But she understood that they were no longer together, and now her dad had fallen in love with someone else. Little Olivia, who watched movies about princesses and fairy tales, for some reason compared Christian's gaze to that of a princess.

So, while they were eating after playing, and she saw her dad talking to Toto, the girl spoke up.

"You two look like a princess and a prince," said Olivia.

"Sorry?" said Christian, smiling with curiosity. "Why do you say that?"

"Because you remind me of Cinderella and the prince at the ball. You look at each other just like they did," the girl said, taking a bite of her dessert.

Toto smiled upon hearing that; he found it sweet. But when he looked at Christian, he saw the man so embarrassed, Toto held back his laughter.

"What things you say, Olivia," said Christian, trying to hide his embarrassment.

Shortly after, the girl would approach Toto stealthily.

"Can I ask you something, Toto?" said Olivia.

"Yes, tell me?" Toto smiled kindly.

"If you marry my dad, can you dance with him to the Cinderella and prince song?" the little one asked.

Toto smiled.

"Do you want me to marry your dad?" Toto said, surprised.

"Well, that's what couples do, right?" the girl said. "But it doesn't matter if it's not at a wedding, I just want to see you two dance to that song."

"I promise it will be at a wedding then," Toto smiled.

And maybe it won't be a wedding any time soon; that's something they would have to talk about in the future. For now, they had many things to resolve.

~~~~

On the other hand, it was Christian's turn with Jack; they went for a walk together. Christian realized that the boy would be a great pilot from the way he talked about cars and his interest in MotoGP.

Certainly, it was evident that he was the child of two sports enthusiasts. The little one resembled both parents; sometimes, it was as if you saw Susie, and other times, it was as if you saw Toto. The sweet side that Christian knew of Toto still came out when Jack was around; sometimes, it seemed like he wanted to protect him from everything, which Christian found endearing.

There was a moment while Toto went to buy some snacks for them that the boy approached Christian to speak directly.

He had asked many questions throughout the outing, if he had children, what his name was, what his dad was like at work.

But there was something Jack had to ask Christian, and he found the moment.

"Can I ask you something, Christian?" the little one said.

"Of course," said Christian, smiling kindly.

"Can you promise me that you will take care of my dad?" the boy said, taking Christian's hands.

A gesture very similar to Toto's, which made Christian smile with tenderness.

"Yes, I promise I will take care of your dad," he said, gently caressing the small hand on his.

"And me too?" the boy smiled.

"Yes, Jack, you too," he smiled.

The little one then gave him a hug.

"What are you two talking about?" Toto asked as he approached.

"Secret things," Jack said. "You can't know.""

~~~~~

It turns out that children can see beyond in someone's gaze; in their innocence, they say things just as they think them. Both Christian and Toto felt fortunate to have the children they had.

Both thought that this stage would be difficult, but it wasn't. It was just them with their thoughts. And in a way, it was normal, considering everything that had happened.

~~~~~

So gradually, they could bring their families together. They often went out with Monty and Jack, and it turns out that both kids got along very well. Sometimes there were outings to the beach, walks, and during one of these outings, Jack called Christian "Dad Chris" for the first time.

~~~~

Amidst the idyll of bringing their families together, or at least getting to know each other, the shift from their bittersweet ending to their happy ending, the moments when they were romantic with each other couldn't be lacking—sometimes with the help of their own children.

Christian remembers the time he arrived at his office in Milton Keynes and found a bouquet of red roses with a small note:

"You are the sweet illusion I dreamed of."

Immediately, Christian knew it was probably Olivia's idea, although he was surprised to hear that it wasn't.

He didn't go home that day; there were days when they took turns and stayed at Toto's apartment.

When Toto opened the door, Christian showered him with many kisses.

"Mmm...hello," Toto said amidst the kisses.

"Hello to you too," Christian smiled.

"Someone liked their roses," he grinned.

"I loved; I love you," said Christian. "I guess that phrase came from Olivia."

Toto smiled.

"You'll be surprised to know it wasn't from her," Toto said. "Apparently, Jack and Monty were discussing what phrase someone might say to you someday, and they decided this phrase would be good." Then Toto took Christian by the hips. "And I couldn't agree more."

Christian smiled with tenderness. "Wow, kids... well, they're right."

"At this rate, they're going to want to plan a lot of things," Toto said.

"I believe you."

They both laughed and then joined their lips in a sweet kiss.

Slowly, it led them to the bed; Christian sighed as he felt Toto's kisses on his neck, leaving small licks and bites as the clothes gradually came off.

On some occasions, everything started more relaxed, with slower caresses, feeling the warmth of each other's bodies, kisses becoming slower, feeling more.

Toto slowly moved down, leaving kisses all over the abdomen, until reaching Christian's pelvis. Then he would open the younger man's legs, kissing his thighs gently, causing Christian to moan satisfied.

Gradually, everything began to heat up, and when Toto entered Christian and moved just touching the younger man's sweet spot, he elicited sweet moans that were like music to his ears.

Christian then started with his usual marks, which Toto longed for him to do. Although something had changed, and it was that now Toto could mark him, he could do whatever he wanted.

And so he did, when they were reaching the climax, Toto bit Christian's collarbone, making him moan from overstimulation and climax again. Toto smiled at the fact and kissed a dazed but ecstatic Christian.

~~~~

The connection between them had only grown; it took them a while to get used to the idea that now they could be more freely intimate.

But the change in their lives was helping them stay in sync.

Although, while the part with the children was a challenge with a certain degree of difficulty, there were other challenges where everything increased.

The news of their divorces.

When Toto and Susie's separation was announced, there were more than a few media outlets in the middle of a Grand Prix talking about the couple's breakup, seeking statements.

That didn't bother Christian much, considering there would always be some journalist of that kind.

What he didn't like, and he doesn't know why really, was those media outlets already pairing Toto with either a businesswoman, a pilot, or a model, creating stories where their hosts introduced him to these girls. God, Christian couldn't help but feel angry and more possessive.

Sometimes these behaviors were reflected when he was with Toto. He would get angry, not want to talk too much, not understand why he was upset with Toto when he knew the reality of things.

But the mental image of seeing his partner talking to women who think he's single bothered him. What bothered him more was knowing they might be right to approach; Toto is a handsome man and always attracts attention...

So, it was one of those days when Christian was upset just because of these things, and he couldn't get it out of his head. For some reason, he responded in a very rude manner to Toto.

But Toto remembered that they had talked about this in the past, about communicating, so he was going to figure this out.

"Let's talk about what's bothering you, or you'll keep being rude," Toto said straightforwardly.

"I'm not upset," said Christian, checking his papers.

"Yes, you are. I want to know why," the older man responded.

"It's something... absurd," Christian didn't look at him, especially out of embarrassment.

"So absurd that it makes you bother and be rude... to me?" Toto said.

Christian sighed.

"Sweetheart, what's wrong?" Toto said, taking Christian's hands while kneeling in front of him.

"It's just that... sometimes certain news can be annoying," Christian said, looking away.

"What news?" Toto asked.

"The ones that say you're with models or very beautiful women..." Christian lowered his gaze and sighed. "And then, you know, I compare myself and wonder what people would think if they knew..."

"I would let them know that I'm with such a handsome man..." Toto interrupted.

Christian looked at him.

Toto then leaned up, starting to kiss his neck. "I would let them know how much I enjoy getting moans out of you," he said, kissing and biting. Christian shivered. "I would let them know how sexy you are, what they don't realize."

Toto stayed close to his lips. "I would let them know how much I love you."

Christian smiled and let himself be kissed; he had forgotten this part, forgotten how much talking works.

And with Toto, he had started working on that, conveying what he wasn't saying, thinking before speaking. He no longer said as many hurtful things, unless he was in Team Principal mode.

Since "No Relationship," he had tried to work on his words. So, being rude to Toto was no longer about saying hurtful things; it was behaving distant and swallowing any insult.

~~~~~

On one occasion, they decided it was time to gather the family. Christian's divorce announcement hadn't been made yet, as they were waiting for some time. Not because they thought there would be something between Christian and Toto or a connection between the divorces, but rather to avoid being the subject of gossip.

It had been almost a year, and the four of them hadn't gathered, not like this. Toto spoke with Susie about things related to Jack, and Christian talked to Geri about things concerning their children.

But the four of them in the same place was a different situation. It's worth noting that Christian felt uncomfortable about showing any affection toward Toto. They didn't usually do it much in front of the kids, as they gave hugs or held hands. But with Susie and Geri present, they were more distant, and it was like a silent agreement between the two. But love simply can't be hidden.

~~~~~

In the months that Susie gave herself to recover and cope with everything, she focused on her work, on loving herself, on not thinking about anything other than Jack and herself.

And in that time, she learned many things. One day, to fight her own demons, she dared to look at photos of Toto and Christian from long before everything happened. It felt quite strange to look at the pictures now, knowing what blossomed between them—the smiles, the looks, always with affection and warmth, yet they never dared to get closer... perhaps destiny wanted it to happen later in their lives.

So, in that gathering where the kids were present and they were interacting as a family, she saw both of them talking while taking care of Jack and Monty. She saw the sparkle in both of their eyes, maybe they weren't being very affectionate with touch, but sometimes it's not necessary; just a look is enough.

So after a while, Christian approached with Jack, who ran to the kitchen because Geri had prepared some snacks.

Cautiously, Christian sat in a chair next to Susie. They hadn't spoken since the last incident.

"So, the kids have adjusted well," Susie mentioned, breaking the silence. "Jack speaks very highly of you."

"Oh... well, we've tried to connect individually with each of them..." Christian said somewhat timidly.

"Thank you... for including my son," she mentioned.

"Thank you for allowing him to connect with me... I thought..." Christian began.

"It's okay. I wasn't going to convey any of that to him. I admit that I acted out of a lot of pain... but maybe sometimes these are things that have to happen..." Susie said, watching Toto talk to Monty. "Have you ever thought about what would have happened if you two had been involved earlier?"

"I... I... maybe..." Christian stammered.

Susie then looked at him. "Imagine if Toto had been a shareholder at Red Bull Racing... who would be your husband now."

Christian couldn't help but blush because, indeed, he had fantasized about that.

"He was close to being part of Toro Rosso," Christian mentioned. "So, we could have met earlier... but destiny didn't want it to be natural."

"What do you mean?" she asked.

"That Toto's and my relationship wasn't... you know, natural, but both with partners..." he mentioned.

Susie sighed.

"Hey... even if the circumstances weren't the most normal, love, love was natural," she said, and after a pause, she continued, "Because even though you're not making physical contact now, you can see how you long for each other with a look."

"I just wanted to apologize for causing pain, even though I know it won't be easy for you to forgive me," Christian said.

"Honestly, maybe it will be difficult, but for the sake of the new family forming, it's better for us to get along in peace... you also forgive me for treating you poorly," she smiled gently.

Susie now felt more prepared to face things after months of resting, giving herself time. Even using her maiden name felt strange but not unpleasant.

Perhaps life doesn't prepare you for breakups, but you must learn from them to cope with other aspects of life. She hadn't said anything, but looking at her ex-husband and his partner, it wouldn't surprise her if there was a wedding in a few months or a year.

After all, sometimes loving is also letting go, and it had been hard for her to understand.

~~~~~

Geri also had a conversation with Toto. She had been an observer for longer than Susie. She had even detected the affection between them when they claimed not to be friends; it was a complete lie.

When Christian made those controversial statements about his relationship with Toto, Geri had to endure how grumpy her ex-husband became because now he didn't have his friend in the paddock.

Yes, she endured it for almost two years, of him talking about how Toto wouldn't even let him speak, and they only greeted each other when the cameras were in front of them.

It seemed that the time they got stuck in the elevator was the trigger for a reconciliation and for something more to emerge between them.

Geri wondered many times what kind of lesson life was giving with this, but maybe it was something she would discover with time.

Toto entered the kitchen to give Olivia a soda, who quickly joined the other kids.

"The kids get along very well with Jack," she said.

"Yes, their siblings are older, and having kids their age seems to have delighted them," Toto replied.

"Now they are brothers," Geri said with a sweet smile.

"Yes," Toto said, returning a smile.

"Olivia insists she wants to see you dance with Christian," Geri said. "Have you thought about..."

She fell silent, but Toto understood the message...

"Yes," he said. "Although I don't know if it will be the right time."

"Look, things happened, yes, but it's been almost a year, and I have some time before announcing my divorce... you have time to plan this," Geri took a sip of her juice.

Toto chuckled softly.

"I didn't think you would support this idea... or any idea about us..." 

"Well, it's just something I thought should happen," Geri mentioned. "Have you never looked at your photos with him? The way you looked at him?"

"I... I think I looked at him as a friend," Toto said.

"Maybe... at that moment... but it was the omen of what was to come after," she said, smiling. "Sometimes we just shouldn't seek answers."

"I guess you're right..." he said.

"So I hope the news of your engagement comes soon," she said with a smile and then walked away to join the kids.

~~~~~

For many things to happen, they had to talk to trusted people for support, so as they approached their biological children... there were other "children" to approach... their drivers.

~~~~~

The first to find out was Lewis. Toto asked to talk to him privately, sounding so serious that for a moment, Lewis was afraid it might be some kind of reprimand. But he was surprised by the topic of conversation. Toto expressed how much he cherished their long years of knowing each other.

He said he wanted to talk about this because, in a way, it had to do with his work. When he mentioned that he was dating someone and with whom, Lewis was left dumbfounded.

"But tell me something, don't just stare at me," Toto said, seeming nervous.

"Well... I'm surprised," Lewis said. "Really, after things with the rivalry, it's weird... to imagine you two together... but nothing is impossible."

Lewis smiled.

"Does it bother you?" Toto asked.

"Why would it bother me? We have to separate the track from work," Lewis said. "Your personal life is very different... and here the heart decides... I hope you are very happy, Toto."

"Thank you, Lewis," Toto said with a soft smile.

From then on, Lewis became somewhat more amicable with Christian, unless there was controversy in the press. They knew not to take it seriously because the show must go on, although they almost didn't do it as they used to.

~~~~~

Max was another topic of conversation. Christian had to explain to him that he had been separated from Geri for a long time, and then he told him about his new partner, for which he needed reinforcements. So he called Checo.

The behavior of both drivers changed with Toto. Not so much with Checo; he always treated Toto the same way. It was Max who acted like a little boy when he spoke to Toto after the news.

"Hello, Max," Toto said, finding Max in the paddock.

"Hi... sir... I mean Toto... um... how are you?" Max felt like a fool... should he treat Toto normally, right?

"Fine... how about you?" 

"Also fine," Max said.

"That's good... well, good luck in the race, although I don't think you need it," Toto said with a smile, and before starting to walk away...

"Toto, wait..." Max said, and Toto turned. "I just hope that Christian and you are happy..." he said in a low voice.

Toto smiled and nodded. "Thank you," he murmured.

~~~~~

So everything seemed to be taking shape, and both were happy with that. An advantage of having discussed this with their drivers and trusted personnel was that they could move around in both team motorhomes, just to talk or spend time together. This was part of no longer hiding and now being more authentic.

When they spent time with their older children, it was a different atmosphere. Their older daughters had become very good friends.

Rosa mentioned that one of the two was the temptation of the other because both are from rival teams.

So they were arguing about who was the angel and who was the demon.

"You once said that Mercedes was heaven and that Red Bull was something like hell," Toto said, looking at the TV.

Both were lounging on the couch, while their daughters had snacks on the table and were also watching TV.

"Yes, I said that, although it could be different," Christian said.

"Then you're Beelzebub," said Toto.

"And what about you, the Archangel Gabriel?" Christian mentioned.

"They could be another type of angel and demon," Blue said.

"Who?" Christian asked.

The two girls looked at each other and burst into laughter.

"We're not going to tell you," Blue said.

"Although we'll just say that sometimes Christian looks like that angel, and dad looks like that demon, and sometimes they switch roles," Rosa said.

It seemed that both girls had managed to compare their parents to characters from books or television.

As part of a separation agreement, Christian knew that he couldn't stay all the time in the house where he mostly shared with Toto.

Of course, not all of Toto's things were there, so before making another move, they had decided to find a new home.

A home where there would also be space for the older children and the younger ones.

They had found a quite beautiful, spacious, and private villa, a place where they could walk together without the need to go out.

They planned to move until the next winter, just after the announcement of Geri and Christian was made.

The kids loved it; they had been given a playroom, and the karting places were nearby to take them for practice.

They also decided that there should be some moment in which they would tell their colleagues.

Not everyone, of course. Now both were the oldest Team Principals, and if they spoke of a real friendship, the only one left was Fred.

So one day, they scheduled a meeting in the paddock, gathered in the Mercedes hospitality. They chatted and joked as they always had over the years.

But before they found the right moment to tell him, Fred spoke.

"So, are you guys finally going to confirm that your relationship has changed?"

Both froze, and Fred laughed.

"Come on, guys, I've known you for years, and I really don't think it's a coincidence that both of you are getting divorced almost at the same time."

"Well, yes, we were planning to tell you..." Christian said with a smile.

"The question is, how did you come to that deduction?" Toto asked.

"Well... unlike the public, I am close to you... I know that your looks have changed... before, you looked at each other with affection, but today... there is a lot of longing in your gazes."

For both of them, the support was crucial. They didn't have to delve into how their story influenced them, they didn't have to know. They just had to understand that they loved each other now.

There were some people Christian had been hesitant to approach his parents. He was afraid of what they would say, fearing their disappointment after two failed marriages, wondering what they would tell him.

When Christian was in front of his parents, especially his mother, he turned into a child again.

But there he was at his parents' house, sitting with his mother for tea. His father had gone out and would be back soon. So, he was nervous.

His mother asked about the divorce, obviously, and he spoke about it only superficially. Then came the part where he had to mention Toto.

Although his plan was to speak fluently, he was being curt. Then his mother asked, "Are you with someone now?"

Christian nodded and felt like a child.

"And? Is that why you're being shy?" She said, stroking his cheek.

Christian sighed, "It's just that I don't know what your reaction will be," he mumbled.

When he told her who he was dating and, fearing her reaction, his mother only asked one thing.

"Does he love you?"

"Yes, I'm sure he does," he responded immediately.

"That's enough for me, then," she said. "Christian, dear, you're an adult now; you shouldn't fear the decisions you make. I appreciate you coming to tell me. I hope you find happiness."

Soon after, they planned how to tell his father; generations are different, and thoughts vary.

His mother liked Toto; she whispered praises to Christian about his good taste, making him blush. She said his boyfriend is a gentleman and loves him a lot.

---

When they told Toto's mother, it was different. Christian accompanied him to Vienna. Christian got to know Austria beyond just Red Bull, learning a bit more about its customs and the places where Toto spent his youth.

Toto's family gave him a warm welcome, and they talked about things Toto did when he was a child sometimes funny, sometimes embarrassing, making Toto blush. Spending their days in Austria that way connected them even more. Not that they weren't recognized; more than one person would. Still, they felt somewhat free.

Talking to Toto's mother was quite sweet; she wished them happiness and asked them to take care of their children.

Then they had a symbolic moment, going to the cemetery. Toto left flowers for his father, and Christian did too. He made sure to tell him that his son had taken good care of his family and that he is a great man.

---

So, this time, the garden was slowly blooming after the storm; everything seemed to be adjusting to a certain order.

For now, they didn't need anyone to know about them; they just needed to understand each other, to comprehend and love each other.

---

Christian opened his eyes slowly, and as usual, Toto was hugging him. Still drowsy, he smiled faintly; they were in their new home now.

In their now-home, they had decorated everything in both their styles. It turns out both loved the classic, though in different aspects Toto, more modern classic, and Christian, classic but rustic. Their home was a perfect blend of their tastes.

It's worth noting that their kids loved their rooms; they had thought about everyone's preferences and designed rooms that could be remodeled over time as some of them grew.

It was summer now, and they decided to spend it at home before going on any trips. Almost two months had passed since they started this new chapter, and everything felt quite settled, as if everything was in its place.

---

A few days ago, one evening, Toto invited Christian to watch the sunset. On the vast grounds, a beautiful green view spread out, with a fairly orange sun. Toto had prepared some small snacks with wine. So, they were nestled, back to chest, when Toto asked:

"Have you ever thought this way?" he said, hiding his face in Christian's neck.

"I really started fantasizing after the first almost-kiss," Christian was honest about it.

He could feel Toto's smile.

"You know... we still owe Olivia a waltz," Toto said.

"Right... Do you already have a plan for when?" Christian asked. Toto had been mentioning it lately, and Olivia wanted a specific song for them to dance to.

"Yes, but I need to know if you like how I want to dance it," Toto said.

"And how is that?" Christian asked.

Then Toto rummaged in the pockets of the jacket he was wearing, then embraced Christian again, clasped their hands together, and placed a small box in his hands.

And Christian's heart raced... because he already knew what it was. When he opened the box, two beautiful silver rings with stones were shining.

"I wanted to know if you want to dance that waltz... but let it be at our wedding... will you marry me?"

And Christian turned to him with a smile, sealing it with a kiss, "Yes, I do."

Smiling at the memory, his ring sparkled in the morning light; then he felt sweet kisses on his cheek and neck.

"Good morning," he whispered.

"Good morning," Toto responded. "How is my fiancé?"

"Good... if I'm by your side, I'm always good."

---

It turns out that happy endings can exist when everything feels bittersweet, but you have to work for it to happen, overcome challenges. Leave the fear behind—the fear of facing situations, people... and as Toto once mentioned to Christian, he would look forward even though the past would hurt for a while. They could march forward.

There was a moment when so much calm made Christian feel quite dazed; he thought something different would happen at any moment... but no, turns out that amid the storm, the light returned.

So, in the Garden of Eden, spring arrived, and it came to stay for a long time.

~~~~~~~~~

Helloooooo

Well and we come to the end of this adventure

Today there was a lot of sweetness❤️

[aylacavebear]

Stockroom Antics - Chapter 24

Maria had changed jobs numerous times over the last five years, more to keep herself safe than anything else. Her mother had told her she was a fairy but she thought it was just her mom being weird. Honestly, though, she had no other way of explaining what had happened to her that stormy day before she'd gone into a coma for two weeks.

Please don't take my work. I'll post warnings for each chapter. Will probably be 18+ I haven't decided yet!

Word Count: 2838

Pairing eventually Dean Winchester x OC

Warnings: Angst, Self-deprecating thoughts, Insecurities, Depression, Past Traumas, and Insecurities come to light. (Please, if you suffer from these things, seek someone trustworthy to talk to. You really aren't alone.)

A/N: This one's written a little differently than my last one. Let me know what you think. It's the first time I've tried this type of writing. Chapters will alternate viewpoints as well. I also looked into an actual area so this one could feel more realistic. This one is taking on a life of it's own in a turn I hadn't anticipated, so adding a new tag.

----------------------------------------- Stockroom Antics Chapter 24

Dean lay in bed, lost in his thoughts. He wasn’t feeling the amount of emotions he had been the night before, which he figured was because she was sleeping. Again, he glanced over at the clock; after seven. He rested his arm on his forehead, staring at the ceiling.

How the hell am I supposed to even talk to her with as upset as she seems?

That was the main question that kept circling back in his mind. The others concerned things beyond that. He groaned before climbing out of bed, getting dressed, and going into the kitchen for coffee. There, he found Maria, Sam, and Bubbles sitting at the table. The mood of the room didn’t seem tense, but it wasn’t jovial either.

“Mornin’ Sweetheart,” he told her with a soft smile, sitting next to his brother, who was across from her.

“Morning,” she somewhat mumbled, not looking up at him, making his smile fade.

Dean sighed silently and then went into the library. He was beginning to feel like he was the reason for her down mood. So, he did the only thing he could think of: not be around her.

“Why do you get like that around him?” Sam asked curiously after Dean had left.

She shrugged slightly, still looking down at the table, “I’m scared,” she answered so quietly that he almost didn’t hear her.

“What are you scared of?” he asked, keeping that soft, comforting tone. At least she was opening up a little.

Bubbles climbed into her lap, and Maria rested her hand on her back, not looking up at Sam. He took note of how she wouldn’t look at him, had barely drank any of her coffee, and how she looked utterly terrified.

“Okay, let me try that again. I know Rowena probably said a lot of things to you, things to make Dean and me look like bad people who couldn’t be trusted,” he paused, carefully choosing his next set of words. “Dean and I have had to make some hard choices in the past. We lost people, good people, in the process. The two of us have even been killed a few times along the way.”

She looked up at him, “You died before?” she asked, seeming confused.

He chuckled a little, “Yeah. Somehow, Dean and I have always managed to find a way back, though.” He let out another sigh, “When it comes to Rowena, she’ll tell you what she wants so that she gets what she wants. She’ll even pretend to be your friend and care about you.”

She just stared at him for a few minutes, although he could see so many emotions flash in her eyes before she looked back down at the table. “I guess I just don’t know what to think or believe,” she mumbled, making him sigh again.

He noticed how she almost seemed to shy away, “I’m not upset or mad at you. I just don’t know what to say or do to help you believe me. Dean and I just want to keep you safe. That’s our first priority. We’d also like to get to know you, outside of keeping you safe.”

Again, she wouldn’t look up at him. That was when something hit him, and he had an idea, “Okay. When Dean brought up bringing you here that night at the bar, did he just make you go, taking you against your consent, or did he ask you if you’d come here?” 

Sam noticed how she looked to think about his question, “He asked me,” she replied quietly.

He breathed in a breath of relief. At least he’d gotten her thinking, “He left the decision up to you. Now, when Rowena wanted to talk to you, did she do the same?” he asked, raising an eyebrow, watching her carefully.

“No, she didn’t,” she answered, still quietly, but at least it looked like she was thinking about it.

“That’s the kind of thing I’m talking about. We’re not going to force anything on you, including staying here. If you’d rather be at your home back in Arizona, we wouldn’t stop you,” he told her gently.

That was when the tears fell, and she looked away from him completely, trying to wipe them from her cheeks as fast as they were falling. Sam didn’t think twice. He got up, sat next to her, and pulled her into a hug. Whether she was going to admit it or not, she needed one. He felt her lean in and bury her face in his chest, gripping his shirt as she cried. Sam gently rubbed her back. Her body shook with her sobs. Bubbles woke up but didn’t move from her lap.

Dean had been watching some of the interactions from the kitchen doorway. At least she was letting someone comfort her, even if it wasn’t him. Sam did notice him. The two of them nodded slightly before Dean returned to the library, feeling somewhat relieved.

“Hey, it’s okay,” Sam told her gently, “You’re not alone in all this crazy mess. I know it might feel that way and it’s scary to let people get close, especially a couple of strangers as weird as me and Dean are. But, I can promise you that you’re safe here with us.”

She almost seemed to sob harder at his words. He could only speculate on what had gotten her to the point of not trusting people, or perhaps it was just men, but he wasn’t sure and had no clue how to get her to open up.

He let her cry for a bit longer before he spoke again, “I know you’re probably having some trust issues, with Rowena just taking you yesterday. I had wanted to give you that hex bag earlier, but you were sleeping when I finished making them. We had been worried she’d show up and try something. I’m sorry I didn’t think of it sooner.”

Again, she cried harder, and he gently rubbed her back and held her. He wasn’t sure how much time had passed when she finally started to calm down, but he’d chosen to stop talking. He felt terrible that she seemed to cry more every time he said something.

“I’m sorry,” she finally mumbled but hadn’t pulled away.

“You’ve got nothing to apologize for. After everything that’s happened to you in the last week, I’m surprised you aren’t worse off,” he told her, still gently rubbing her back.

She sniffled a little and pulled away, mostly to dry her eyes and cheeks, “I’m sorry I questioned you and Dean. I didn’t think about it the way you brought it up,” she told him quietly. “I feel bad.”

He gave her a compassionate smile, “You still don’t have to apologize. We honestly just want you to feel comfortable while you’re here if you want to stay.” Sam thought momentarily before continuing, “Is there anything you want me to tell Dean? I understand you’re scared, and I don’t want you to feel obligated to talk to him if you don’t want to.”

That made her look up at him, and Sam could see just how sad she was really feeling, “I’m scared because Astaria had told me that I met my soulmate recently. It’s you, Dean, or Crowley. And that… terrifies me,” she whispered.

“I can tell you that it’s not me. And I can prove that if you let me touch your hand. It might help you not be so scared,” he offered, again being gentle and trying to coax her a little.

When she nodded her head, Sam moved his hand from her back to the hand she had on his shirt. She probably hadn’t even realized that she was still holding onto it. He gave her a soft, reassuring smile as he gently squeezed her hand. Both of them missed Bubbles smile.

“See, no reaction. That’s how you find out, letting someone touch your skin,” he explained softly, “There’s no rush, though, if you want to find out about Dean. When you’re ready, okay?”

She nodded a little before she got up, Bubbles flying so that she was next to her, “I think I’m gonna take a nap,” she whispered. 

“We’ll be here when you wake up,” he replied, giving her another soft smile before she and Bubbles headed out of the kitchen.

Dean watched from where he sat in the library. She barely glanced at him as she went down the hallway to her room, and Dean sighed. Sam joined him shortly after and explained what happened in the kitchen.

“She’s just gonna need some time, but at least now she knows how to find out who her soulmate is,” he tried to reassure Dean.

He sighed, “At least she was talking, even if it’s not to me.”

Sam felt for his brother. They hadn’t found much information on soulmates, and it wasn’t like they could just talk to Astaria to get more information on the topic. Neither of them realized that because Dean felt the pull toward her first, he also felt part of what she was going through.

“Dean,” he began sympathetically, “I already told you, she’s terrified that her soulmate is Crowley. At least try to understand that.”

“I do, Sammy. I just wish I could show her she’s wrong,” he said sadly.

A half-hour later, Bubbles came out of her room and joined the two in the library. Sleeping. The word flashed through Dean’s mind, and he nodded his head. Then, she flew a few feet from the table, reached out, and “drew” a line as tall as the brothers. A golden line appeared that also pulsed slightly. Bubbles looked over at the brothers and motioned them to go over to her. 

The two shared a look, and Bubbles rolled her eyes. Astaria. Dean raised an eyebrow before he looked back over at his brother, “Well, you want to talk to Astaria?” he asked.

“Wait? What?” Sam asked, somewhat confused.

“Bubbles apparently wants to take us to see her,” he answered before he got up and took a deep breath. 

Sam wasn’t entirely sure what to think, but they hoped it might help, so he, too, got up and followed Bubbles and his brother through the dimensional opening. Both of them looked around in utter awe. The trees and plant life were massive.

“I feel like an ant,” Sam said as he looked around.

Bubbles had already begun flying down the path they were on but stopped and turned to them, “You coming?” she asked, tilting her head a bit.

“Dean,” Sam said, smacking his brother on the shoulder, trying to get his attention, “it talked.”

Dean laughed hard, then shook his head in amusement, “At least I don’t have to play middle man,” he replied, still chuckling some. “Come on, Sam.”

He began following Bubbles, and Sam reluctantly followed him. It was a short walk before the path opened up to what looked like a little village. Bubbles kept flying, though, so they kept following. The people there looked at the brothers following the little purple dragon, but that was considered normal to them. The brothers weren’t sure what to think of the friendly smiles and waves they were given, so they just returned the smiles and waves.

Bubbles finally stopped in front of a large tree that looked like it had been turned into a home inside the trunk. She knocked on the door, and a woman opened it. She had long black hair, light blue eyes, a petite figure, and a soft smile.

“You’re back,” she said to Bubbles, who nodded her head and gestured to the brothers. She tilted her head a bit, looking them over. “Well, you aren’t Pari, and neither of you carries the gene. She clearly brought you here for a reason, and it must have something—” she stopped. A look of realization hit her: “OH MY GOD! You’re her soulmate.”

“Finally,” Bubbles said, rolling her eyes before she flew over and landed on the table where Maria and Astaria had sat and talked before. Dean couldn’t help but chuckle a little.

“Can you help us understand soulmates a little more?” Sam asked a little hesitantly.

“Of course,” she replied kindly, gesturing to the table where a third chair appeared.

The brothers sat across from Astaria with Bubbles seated on the table near Dean, “I’m Astaria. I’m going to guess you’re Dean and you’re Sam. Maria has told me about the two of you. It’s nice to put faces to names finally,” she said with a soft smile.

“Nice to meet you,” Dean said, finding it much easier to smile and relax now. 

“Did you believe in soulmates before you met her, Maria?” Astaria asked.

“Honestly, it’s come up a couple of times, but neither of us took any stock in it. We’re hunters. Having a normal life and relationship isn’t something we put much stock in given how dangerous our job is,” Dean replied, almost surprised at how easy it was to just talk to her.

“It wasn’t that we believed or didn’t believe. It’s not something that happens often where we’re from,” Sam added, relaxing more.

“Well, that explains why you were able to hear her familiar before she could. You didn’t have any bias on the topic,” she stated.

Astaria then went on to explain soulmates to the two of them. Every Pari has a soulmate; sometimes, it can take lifetimes before they find each other. Soulmates share a connection and if it’s strong and welcomed, they can even go as far as talking telepathically to each other through that connection. They can feel each other’s emotions, physical pains, and sensations, as well as find each other if they are separated. In order for a non-believer to believe, skin-to-skin contact must be made for the connection to begin. Then, the non-believer has to be open to explore the connection further.

The brothers sat and listened to her. Dean wondered how the hell he was even going to be able to get close enough to her to attempt that or if it was even a good idea to initiate the contact.

“Right now, she’s overwhelmed and terrified. I don’t know how much she shared with you about her life. The dimension you all are from doesn’t welcome those that are different. After her accident, when her powers started, she figured no one would ever want her,” Astaria explained, then sighed, “She figured she’d always be alone.”

Dean felt a tear slide down his cheek, then Bubbles’ hand on his, which was resting on the table in front of him. He quickly wiped it away and took a deep breath. “So, how do I even get close to her?” He was always suave when it came to women, but Maria was different. He wanted more with her than he’d wanted with any woman, and it scared the hell out of him.

Astaria thought momentarily, debating how to answer his question, “Well, just be yourself. That really is my best advice. I did make it clear to her that she’d have to make a choice. It really is up to her, no matter how much being apart from her is hurting you. The dragon will be there for you, let her. It won’t be the same comfort, but the more you let her in, the easier it will be for you.”

That wasn’t the answer he hoped for, but it gave him a starting point. 

“Dean, we should get back, before she wakes up. I told her we’d be there,” Sam told his brother, wanting to ensure he kept his word to her, especially after the Rowena incident.

“Well, it was nice to have met the two of you, and I’m sure I’ll see you again,” Astaria told them with a soft smile. “Dean, just be yourself, honestly. I can see the kind of heart and soul you have. You’re too hard on yourself. You aren’t why she’s sad, so stop thinking that.”

Ouch, Dean thought to himself, but he just gave her a friendly smile, “I’ll remember that.”

“Nice to meet you too, Astaria,” Sam replied.

The brothers followed Bubbles back to the dimensional portal, both lost in their thoughts. Dean even chuckled to himself, having the moment from the Disney movie Aladdin play through his mind, where the genie had told Aladdin to be himself. 

Once back inside the bunker, Bubbles closed the rift and flew to Maria’s room. Dean double-checked the time. They’d been gone a couple of hours, even if it hadn’t felt that long. He just kept reminding himself, to be himself around her. Although now, he needed a drink, so went for the whiskey. He felt like all his nerves were on edge. Give him monsters any day of the week. Ask him to be himself around his soulmate, who doesn’t believe in soulmates, and he turns into a nervous wreck on the inside.

----------------------------------------- Chapter 25

Tag List: @djs8891 @deans-spinster-witch

Link to the series Master List

A/N: If you'd like to be tagged in future chapters, leave me a comment, and I'll make sure to tag you

[anotherfuckingmarvelfanaccount]

Come to Me

My Masterlist

This ask combined with the addition both from the lovely @chrisevansdaughter

Pairing(s): Steve Rogers x ADHD!Reader, Platonic!Clint Barton x Reader (sibling like relationship)

Warnings: Traumatic mission, reader has a hard time communicating, mentions of a panic attack, this is probably terribly self-indulgent bc i’m terrible with my feelings and probably have undiagnosed adhd, reader is terrified of heights, reader probably has PTSD (or maybe PTS?? idk what they’re really calling it)

Word Count: 2091

Summary: 3 months after the mission that changed your life again, you finally let Steve in to help.

**

It had been 3 months. 3 months since the mission that had seemingly changed your life. You couldn’t get the images of what happened out of your head. You hadn’t told anyone about how much it was affecting you, and honestly you weren’t even quite sure of how to word what you were feeling. You weren’t diagnosed with ADHD as a kid like many people you knew, you weren’t diagnosed until about 5 years ago, but now as an adult, you understand that it can be the reason you have issues voicing your feelings. The words just don’t come out of your head the way that you want them to, and it’s hard to get your point across without rambling.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

On the mission, you, Steve, and Clint were walking through a jungle towards a HYDRA base, when all of a sudden you guys came across a gigantic ravine. “Oh fuck no.” You said, looking at the rickety bridge 20 feet away from the three of you and instantly seeing flashbacks. 

You had met Clint years ago in the circus and he had practically adopted you as his younger sister instantly. You were a tightrope walker, and as the years passed, you didn’t want to do more daring stunts, but your ringmaster pushed you to. 

One day, you went to perform your act live, only to find that a thinner rope was placed 10 feet higher than your usual act was done at and there was no safety net below you. You had never practiced more than 3 feet higher than your usual act, and never without a safety net, so you were very scared climbing the ladder. But it wasn’t until halfway through your act that it happened, you slipped. If it weren’t for Clint sprinting out to catch you, you most likely would’ve died from the fall. 

Clint had given your ringmaster hell later for doing that to you, and swore to never move you higher or give you a different rope again without you practicing first. But you were so scared to even climb the ladder that you never went back to tightrope walking, and the two of you went to work for SHIELD not long after, so you for the remaining time in the circus, you did harder tricks on a balance beam, something you’d be less likely to fall off of and you almost definitely wouldn’t get hurt doing so.

But either way, this mission had a very rickety old bridge that the three of you were going to have to cross to get to the HYDRA base. And then you were going to have to cross it again to get back to the jet.

“How about I stay here and take out just about anyone that comes by and you guys go into the base?” You asked as they walked towards the bridge.

Clint turned and softened his gaze when he saw how scared you were. “N/N, I know. I know what’s going on right now, but we need you in there with us. We will keep you safe, I promise.” Based on the very confused look that your boyfriend was giving your brother, Clint was able to figure out that you hadn’t told Steve about your crippling fear of heights due to what happened.

“Fine, Clint. But you go first. I’ll be in the middle so either of you can catch me when something bad inevitably happens.”

“And after this, you tell Steve.” He said, glaring at you disapprovingly.

You rolled your eyes, “Sure, sure, Clint.”

After the three of you had crossed the bridge, the rest of the mission went really smoothly. You had gotten the files on a USB, wiped the computer, and did some property damage to both the computer and the building. But unfortunately, the three of you had to cross that bridge again.

“Aw, Clint, do I have to?” You asked, whining slightly

“If you want to sleep in your own bed ever again, yes. And think, nothing happened the first time.” You shook your head at this, but gestured again for him to go first and you would follow. Clint started slowly making his way across the bridge, while Steve listened for creaks telling that one of the boards was going to snap. But it didn’t happen while Clint was standing on the board, it happened with you on it. You screamed as you fell, flailing your arms to grab on to anything you possibly could. You hadn’t fallen far when you grabbed something though, the bottom of the board you were standing on was dangling from the rope holding the bridge up, but it was quickly unraveling itself from this end too.

“Sweetheart, grab my hand.” Steve called, reaching down to you.

You reached up for him, but felt the board slip more. “I can’t, the board will break! You guys have to get out of here before the whole bridge breaks!”

“Are you serious, Y/N? Leave you here to die?” Clint asked. “Never. I’m holding the knot in place. Reach up to Steve, he has you, okay?” 

And it was when you nodded up at Clint that you made your fatal mistake. You looked down. “I can’t do this. I’m gonna die.”

“Hey, hey, look at me, N/N. Look at me. You’re not gonna die. We’re right here and we will never let that happen. Just reach for Steve, okay?” He asked.

“Okay,” You said, panicking. “I dunno if I can.”

“You can do it, sweetheart, I’m right here, just give me your hand.” You reached up to Steve, feeling the board creak under you as you shifted your weight, but you knew Clint was holding the knot in place so the board wouldn’t fall until after Steve had pulled you back to safety.

Steve grabbed onto your hand and pulled, bringing you back up to level with the boys, and back to safety as you practically ran across the bridge to solid ground, and then to the jet so you could go home.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You could barely sleep, everytime you laid down and closed your eyes you felt like you were falling again. It wasn’t unless you were sleeping practically underneath Steve that you actually felt safe. You tried your best to not let Steve know what a hard time you’d been having since that mission, but you were sure he knew. He could always read you like a book.

Sliding down the inside of your bedroom door, you knew you were having a panic attack, but there was no way that you were going to let Steve find out. You’d already burdened him with so much that you didn’t want this dumb mission from 3 months ago to add on to that.

“Honey?” Steve called, “Where are you?” You tried to hide your heavy breathing, you could get through this panic attack by yourself, you didn’t need to rely on Steve. “I can hear you breathing in the bedroom, are you okay?” Damn his super-soldier hearing.

“I- I’m fine, Stevie. It’s okay.” You said shakily.

You could practically hear Steve rolling his eyes. “No you aren’t, open the door, doll.” You moved away from the door and Steve walked in, noticing your panicked state. “Hey, woah, sweetheart, you’re not okay. Why would you try to hide this?” He shook his head softly. “Never mind, let’s get you calmed down before we have a serious conversation.”

You nodded slowly, knowing you were going to have to figure out a way to word your feelings, but that thought only made you panic more.

“Okay, doll, can I touch you?” You nodded. Steve wrapped you in a hug, pulling you into his chest so you could rest your head on his shoulder and nuzzle into his neck like you liked to do. “Can you tell me 5 things you can see?”

“You, the bed, dresser, stuffies, water bottle.” You said as your breathing started to show.

“4 things you can hear.”

“Your voice, your heart, the fridge, and the fan.”

“3 things you can smell.”

“Mm, you. The fabric softener and my shampoo.”

Steve took a slow breath, happy you were calming down. “Good job, honey. Now 2 things you can feel.”

“You and the floor.”

“Great job honey. 1 thing you can taste?”

“You.” You told him, taking another deep breath.

Steve rubbed your back slowly, helping to ground you even more. “I’m proud of you, sweetheart. You did fantastic.”

“Thank you, Stevie.” You mumbled, hiding your face in his neck.

“You wanna tell me what that was all about, doll?” You shook your head, wrapping your arms around his torso. “You’re gonna have to tell me eventually. We both know that you’ll feel so guilty for not telling me that you’ll have another panic attack later. Can we just skip that this time, honey?”

You thought about it for a minute before nodding slowly, not really wanting to have to deal with another panic attack today because Steve was right. You really would feel so guilty about not telling him that you would just have another panic attack. “I don’t know how to say it,” You whispered, knowing his super soldier hearing would pick it up.

“That’s okay, darling. Can you try? It’s okay if you ramble, I’ll always understand you.”

You nodded again, starting to tell him the story of when you met Clint and how you would’ve died that night in the circus if it weren’t for him. You told Steve everything in words you hadn’t been able to before, including how you couldn’t sleep unless he was practically on top of you, saving your anxiety from itself in the middle of the night.

And Steve listened. He rubbed your back, never saying whether or not he was uncomfortable after sitting on the floor for all this time. He listened attentively and gave you reassuring words when you couldn’t figure out the word you wanted. You really were starting to think that he should’ve been a therapist in another life.

“Thank you for telling me, sweetheart.” Steve said, at least an hour later. “I’m really proud of you for being able to voice your feelings for me. Why don’t we get changed and watch some TV before we go to bed. Maybe you’ll be able to sleep now, but we’ll definitely talk to Dr. Raynor in the morning, okay?”

Your shoulders slumped, you really didn’t want to have to go to a therapist about this, now that it was off your chest, you were fine. Steve gave you a look. “No, you’re not fine, don’t try to pull this on me. Yes, it may be off your chest now, but that doesn’t make you all better. Look at all she’s done for Bucky.”

You nodded, “Yeah, she’s helped him a lot. But this isn’t the same, Bucky was brainwashed. I just had an accident before joining the Avengers.”

“Sweetheart, you had a near-death experience. Twice, and the second one was in the same fashion as the first. It’s not that you’re just scared like you were before the first fall, you’re carrying something up here-” he tapped your temple gently, “-that you need to deal with. It’s not a bad thing, but you’ve now suffered two near-death experiences from the same issue. You’re bound to have a little bit of PTSD from that. You can just have a little chat with Dr. Raynor, I don’t have to be there if you don’t want me to be, and she’s gonna help you work through this.”

“Okay.” You said softly. “But I’d really like to sleep first.”

Steve picked you up and put you on the bed. “Of course, doll. You need your rest.”

“Thank you, Stevie. I really don’t deserve you.”

“Yes, you do, honey. You deserve the world.” He said, pulling one of his shirts out of a drawer and passing it to you to change into. “Now let’s get some good rest and make sure that you take your meds in the morning. They’ll help.”

“Okay, Stevie. Can I have a kiss before we go to bed?”

Steve smiled softly at you sitting quietly on the bed. “You know you never have to ask me that, sweetie.” He said, kissing you softly. You crawled under the covers, holding them open for Steve who quickly jumped in between your arms. “I love you, Y/N”

“I love you too, Steve.” You said, drifting off quickly for the first time in 3 months.

Hey everybody! Look at this! I got a fic out! The beginning of this was rewritten about 3 times before I decided on a situation that wasn’t so gruesome I almost couldn’t sleep due to what my brain came up with, but also was something that people would probably read bc I had an idea for an sa story but figured that would trigger too many people. Either way, I hope you all enjoy this!

Taglist: @chrisevansdaughter, @nana1000night, @sarahrogersevans, @buckybarnesandmarvel

Let me know if you wanna be added or removed!

[justhere4kpop]

Jumpscare

Idol!Choi San x Reader

You watch a scary movie with your boyfriend, but you don't seem to have as much fun as you hoped.

Warnings: Mentions of anxiety but nothing extreme, Language, Just Fluff!

wc: 1645 (I know its short! Forgive me!)

a/n: Just a short San Oneshot not related to my other works just wanted to write a little comfort fic, I hope you guys like it! I am working on other things but this came to me as I was talking to a friend (@senpai-of-doom Thanks for letting me bounce ideas off you! <3 <3 <3!!) about comfort fic ideas. I had fun writing it, I hope you enjoy reading it!

Tag: @layzfeelit since I know you were also looking forward to it! Your support means the world to me!

Masterlist

---------------

To say I am a coward when it comes to scary movies is an understatement.I was not a fan of horror films but I knew they were a good date idea, and I barely get to see him anymore, not since the group started gaining popularity and I’d be damned before I ever thought about holding him back. I am his number one fan always, I was at every show I could make it to and I’d never stop him from living his dream like that, he meant the world to me so I’d prove it every chance I got. However, he thought it’d be fun to scare the piss out of each other and watch scary movies, you get all cuddled up together and it’s cute but I hope he doesn’t pick something that scares the piss out of me. 

“I was thinking about Paranormal Activity?” San smiled as I got comfortable on the couch.

“I don’t think I’ve seen that one.” I looked at him curiously.

“I heard it’s pretty scary. I think we can handle it though, it’s a found footage film.” he got next to me as he scrolled Netflix. He came over to mine, much more quiet than me trying to sneak into the dorms and all the guys. “Ready?”

“Mmhmm.” I nodded and grabbed the blanket and popcorn. You could tell he was really excited to watch this.

We got about halfway into the movie before I really started to get tense, the movie was building obviously but I was starting to feel it. My hands felt kind of clammy. I could tell he was trying not to let it show he was also getting a little paranoid but he had a certain look to him that told me he was almost as tensed up as I was. I don’t know why we suggested this he doesn’t like scary stuff either. This is so dumb of us. It was the end of the movie when the main character Katie screamed for her boyfriend Micah after watching him for almost 2 hours, that finally caused me to lose it. I practically threw the popcorn in the air when he got thrown at the camera letting out a yelp. San wasn’t doing much better but I think between the two of us I was the one that was terrified. I was hoping he wouldn’t notice, I mean it's just a movie I shouldn’t be this scared. 

“Maybe we should go to bed?” San suggested as the credits rolled.

“Oh yeah sure.” I nodded, closing my eyes to break my stare on the screen. As he got up I learned he had no intention of inviting himself to stay over, I wasn’t about to let that happen, there’s no way I was going to sleep alone. “W-Where are you going?” I stuttered. “I barely get to see you, please stay the night.” so I don’t get freaked out by anything.

“I didn’t…want to assume you wanted me to stay.” he looked relieved honestly.

“San we’ve been dating for 2 years now, I think it’s safe to say please stay after any and all date nights?” I gave him a warm smile trying to hide the fear in my voice.

We got ready for bed but that was the easy part it seemed. As we laid down, in my dark…dark room, I couldn’t help but start to feel the anxiety rise in my chest. I tossed and turned for the better part of 3 hours before I started feeling like there were things happening I couldn’t see, noises were coming from everywhere, and the worst part….he fell asleep facing away from me. Now I’ve never been one to be able to wake anyone up, I used to be so scared to wake my parents up during the night I’d rather suffer under my covers during a loud thunderstorm than go crawl to them. I heard a loud thump come from my hallway and it completely sent me over the edge, I threw myself out of bed and into the bathroom letting the tears flow down my face. I couldn’t help it anymore, I was so scared there was something in my apartment and I couldn’t ask for help. I yelped when there was a knock on the bathroom door and practically died when it opened. I threw the closest thing I could at the intruder which happened to be a towel….very effective.

“Baby…Baby it’s me. It’s me, hey take a breath.” San said, hushing me calmly. “Hey hey hey shhh shhh.” he wrapped his arms around me. 

“Th-There’s something out there.” I blubbered.

“I already checked it’s okay, it’s just your imagination.” he held my head. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know you were this scared.”

Was I really that good at hiding it? I guess that’s the troubled past coming through…I thought I was an open book when it came to that. 

“I’m sorry,” he said again. “I’m so sorry y/n. I thought…I’m so stupid.”

“No you’re not.” I looked at him teary eyed. “Please don’t talk about my boyfriend that way.”

“Hey your boyfriend did a poor job at looking after you, I can be a little harsh on him right now.” he picked me up. “Come here jagiya.” I wrapped my legs around his waist as we got up.

“I didn’t mean to wake you.” I said in a small voice.

“I was awake anyways.” he let out a little chuckle. “How about we watch something else. As silly as can be, even your favorite kids show. Youtube, we can play video games. Make cookies?” He brushed my hair back and wiped my face.

“You can go back to sleep.” I whispered.

“And leave my baby out here like this, no way.” he kissed my forehead. “I’m not leaving you until you’re smiling, and forgetting about this whole scary thing.”

“Can we watch Business Proposal then?” I looked at him.

“Absolutely.” he smiled and turned it on. It was just the amount of cuteness, no scares, and romance I wanted. Nothing terrifying happened and it was nice leaning against his chest while watching it. He wrapped the blanket over my head and rubbed my back. “I love you.” he whispered to the top of my head, giving it a small kiss.

“I love you too.” I nuzzled into his chest a little more.

“I really am sorry Jagiya.”

“Sannie, please don’t worry about it anymore. It’s really ok, it was just a movie.”

“I know, I just should’ve realized sooner you were scared. I honestly didn’t know.”

“Which is why I’m not mad Sannie.” I squeezed his other hand that was holding mine. “I know you wouldn’t just ignore it, you’re not that type of person.”

“How about some chocolate? It really does help after you cry.” he opened up a little piece for me and popped it in my mouth, not letting me grab it myself.

It felt nice to get taken care of for a little bit, I felt bad since it was so late but he kept telling me it was no bother to him, as long as I was happy.

“You do so much for me, you’re at every show, cheering, singing along, taking photos. I can take care of you for a few hours.” he chuckles and nudges my head with his nose. “I love you.” he kissed the side of my face again.

“I know.” I giggled since his breath tickled me. “You said it earlier.”

“And I’m going to say it again. I love you.”

“I know.”

“I don’t think you heard me. I love you!”

“I know!”

“I Love You!”

“I Know!” I started chuckling more.

“I LOVE YOU!” he kissed all over my face after his loud 2 am proclamation.

“I LOVE YOU TOO!” I said back with a laugh now.

“I love you y/n,” he smiled watching me.

“I love you too, San.”

“I love you more.” he pulled me closer and kept his hand on my back. “And I’ll tell you as many times as there are stars in the sky.”

“Whoa, that’s at least….like 20 times.” I chuckled at his expression.

“Probably more like 20,000.”

“I did say at least.” I smiled which was quickly followed by a yawn.

“Bedtime?” He raised an eyebrow.

“Bedtime.” I nodded.

Still he carried me to the bedroom, not letting my feet touch the floor for a second. He said it was too cold and I shouldn’t have to know what that feels like, whatever that meant. He cradled me to him this time and tangled our legs together, now I know how he feels, his feet are cold as hell. No wonder he complains when I do it in the winter, will that stop me…no. 

“Goodnight Baby.” he smiled his wonderful crinkled eye smile. I love that smile so much, it felt like home.

“Goodnight-” I yawned. “Sannie.”

We both got quiet if only for a moment, my eyes starting to shut peacefully.

“Baby?”

“Hmm?”

“I wish I knew you didn’t like scary movies either, it would’ve saved us a lot of anxiety.” he chuckled.

“Either? So…you didn’t like the movie?”

“I was honestly terrified the whole time. I thought you liked scary movies.”

“San, I honest to god hate scary movies with my entire being.”

“We really should’ve watched Up again instead.” he smiled into my hair.

“Maybe next time. No more scary movies?”

“No more scary movies.” he agreed.

“Good.” I nodded. A sense of relief washed over me learning he was just as scared as I was and thought I was fine. That was all I needed to finally put my mind at ease and fall asleep in his arms.

“Goodnight baby. I love you.” he smiled, pulling the covers over us.

[vethsoddities]

Hold Me Like a Grudge

Summary: Ted Sankpoffski Holds A Grudge Against Stephanie Lauter For What She Had to Do In Cool As I Think I Am reprise

CW: Spoilers for NPMD and mentions of what Steph having to do in the moments after the summoning and during In Cool As I Think I Am reprise and mentions of canon things and spoilers for nightmare time 1 Time Bastard(kinda) Ted and Steph get into a argument

Master List

Credit 1:The idea was given to me by @veeicecream screenshot at the end of this post to see the idea

Credit 2:I took the white streak idea from @capriciouslyterminal with permission of corse

Credit 3: To me my idea of Duke Keane and Miss Holloway taking in Steph and teaching her how to bake and Steph working at mode Retro’s which is getting its own fic soon which is a technical part one of this story that on how Holloway and Duke took in Steph

remember requests are open and I evey so often rp if anyone wants to and I’m always looking for proofreaders if you are interested DM me if I messed up anywhere let me know the prequel to this coming at some point this took me long enough as it is lol I suck at endings lol

Ted Spankoffski was acutely aware of Eldrich away’s of the boring town of Hatchetfield, How couldn’t he when the local homeless man looked exactly like him but 50 years older than him and Pete, and how during the honey festival anyone crowned Honey Queen goes missing afterward even if there was reasoning to why the Honey Queen was no longer there in Hatchetfield. Or how so many people go missing every day and how most of the people in town seemed to always have a case of mass hysteria and blame each other like they were in a trial in a courtroom.

For example, in the recent murders of three Hatchetfield High students two out of three were Pete’s best friends Richie Lipschitz and Ruth Fleming and the third was Maxwell Jägerman Pete’s bully for years now since the fourth grade which from what Ted had seen for two weeks Pete seemed happier after Max went missing. Pete was even talking about Stephaine Lauter the mayor’s daughter and how she thought he was funny he even changed his outfit which was a tapestry of his trauma he dropped the bow tie and suspenders for her. 

 Ted approved of the new outfit maybe that was because he gave Pete the sweater a while back even if it didn’t follow the idea of picking an outfit and sticking with but, but sometimes change is good. Though he never moved on from Jenny he didn’t know where she was at all but where Jenny was he hoped she was safe. 

Speaking of being safe Ted sat in his apartment with his head in his hands in disbelief across him was his younger brother Pete was talking to him about some eldrich beings called The Lords In Black and Max Jägerman coming back from the dead which Ted didn’t know what to believe but he was wanting to hear him out. “After we went to the school which is one of many of the black alters and with the black book to summon The Lord’s In Black and the only way we could stop Max. Was one of us had to give up what we Cherish Above All Else,” Pete started as he looked at Ted whose head was still in his hands.

“And for a moment Steph was the one to do it from what one of them said she was lying to herself about what it was before one of them told Steph that,” Pete paused for a moment as he started to quote Wiggog Y'Wrath while trying his best to copy his voice “You can lie to yourself but not to me, think about it” after quoting Wiggog Y'Wrath Pete did his normal voice as he continued to tell Ted the whole story “When Steph Realized what he meant one of The Lords in Black had his hand on my hair said something like  ‘ah their he is’ that had me confused until I realized myself what he meant, which let me tell you having an eldrich being touch you is fucking terrifying. That thing even left a white streak in my hair which I honestly don’t know how to feel about it but Steph said she likes it and thinks it cool so that means that it has to be cool if she thinks then it must be,” Pete said trailing off topic for a moment. 

Ted was about to say something when  Pete got back on topic and  continued to speak “The whole time before and after Maylor Lauter brought us to the witchwood to get the black book Steph had a gun on her,” when Ted heard mention of a gun he looked up at Pete and cut him off to say “A fucking are you Serious Pete, Please don’t tell me this is going where I think is going.” 

To which the teen gave his brother a look and nodded his head and continued to speak before Ted could speak again 

“We didn’t have a choice at that moment, Ted it was either I die or the whole damn world did and I wanted to be cool this time and take the bullet, Ted don’t be mad at Steph she didn’t have a choice as I said and I’m still alive because of  Max stopping the bullet and Grace having sex with a fucking  ghost.” 

Ted had a Scowl on his face hearing that Stephanie Lauter the former Mayor’s daughter almost Sacrificed his younger brother screw the fact the world would have been doomed because of his living. Ted couldn’t even think of being i n a world without his nerdy little brother in  it 

“No Pete I think I will be mad at her hell I'm even holding a grudge against her she got you in trouble for cheating and she’s the reason Max beat you up and she almost fucking killed you and you expect me not to be mad or hold a grudge then you’re damn wrong Pete” Ted looking at Pete Scowl still on his face but it wasn’t directed towards Pete at all. Pete just sighed “I understand where you’re coming from Ted but we didn’t have a choice and I hope you know Steph would never hurt me on purpose and I hope someday you’ll understand that Ted.” With that, the Conversation between the brothers ended.

Over the course of a week after learning Stephaine had almost killed Pete, anytime Steph came over to Ted’s apartment to hang out with Pete she notched the looks Ted threw her way and the snide remarks that she got thrown her way from the elder Spankoffski. Though the remarks were never as harmful as her Father's were Ted was a sleazeball with a grudge but he was respectful to her he heard from Pete by accident what Solomon was like to her and he wouldn’t insult her too badly but he isn’t above being an asshole.

Eventually, the next time Steph came over was after she made brownies with Duke Keane and Miss. Holloway in Miss Retro’s.She had even brought hot chocolate that she also made at Miss Retro’s for Pete she’d rather make it herself or buy it from Starbucks.

Don’t get Steph wrong she’s all for supporting small businesses, But seeing as at Beanies they take forever for getting the order and spit into the drinks in general or if you’re a tad bit rude about not getting your order. Steph will always remember how Pete yelled in Beanies about not getting his hot coffee and how the barista spits in it she’d rather not get it from there.

But she also always liked Miss. Retro’s better because of how understanding and nice Miss. Holloway was to people than the baristas at Beanies were. Maybe she was a little biased on that account of liking Miss. Retro’s because she’s working there until she graduates and gets back on her feet. But that’s another story for another day.

The next time Steph came over was with brownies and hot chocolate like I said before was made with Miss. Holloway and Duke. So when she got to the apartment she knocked on the door and waited for it to open which it did but instead of Pete it was Ted “Hey Spankoffski senior I brought brownies and hot chocolate for Pete can I come in because it’s freezing out here” it was late October which was starting to get colder out.

Ted rolled his eyes and said “Sure come in sycophant make yourself at home and I’m not that old I’m 35 ” Ted muttered and then yelled “Pete your girlfriend’s here with a few things” After a second of Ted’s glaring at her Pete came out of his room and smiled wide at Steph.

“Hey,” Pete said starting to talk as he walked over to Steph “Steph you didn’t have to bring me anything at all” Steph smiled “Well Pete I did anyways plus Miss. Retro helped me make these” Stephanie said lifting her hand that had a dessert box with Miss—Retro’s Dinner logo on it.

“I also made you hot chocolate because I’d rather not give you a drink that the crappy barista at Beanies spits in,” Steph said Ted despite the fact he has a grudge against her agreed with Stephanie on that fact. He knew Emma was crabby he’d seen it himself and yet how co-worker and friend Paul liked her.

Steph gave Pete his hot Chocolate that wasn’t hot or cold it was warm which was just right to drink and Pete wouldn’t have to wait to drink it. After Pete Took the hot chocolate Steph handed him the brownies and he went to put the brownies in the kitchen.

Stephanie in general had enough of Ted’s snide remarks toward her Stephanie decided to confront him upfront about it when Pete wasn’t close enough to hear so she took the chance to confront Ted here and now. So she took the chance to speak to Ted

“I have a question Ted what the fuck did I ever do to you Ted to make you hate me enough to make snide remarks around me” Steph looked him in the eyes as she spoke “Because whatever I did please tell me so we can get over this whole irksome indifferent’s.”     

Ted looks back at Steph and lets out a harsh sigh “Alright i will we’re do I start you almost shot Pete and then acted like it’s nothing and causing nothing but trouble for Pete since you started to talk like how you caused him to get beaten,” Ted continues as he stares at Stephanie done

“And even summoned fucking Eldredge beings called the lords in black and one of them touched him which caused a white streak in his hair” Ted wasn’t going to hold back on what he was saying as he continued to speak. Steph looked at him with a sight shocked expression realizing what this was all about the snide remarks and comments that were aimed towards her.

It took her a moment to speak “Is that what this is about?” Steph said her brows furrowed as she looked at Ted a be it a little hurt “Yes that is what all of this is about Stephanie you act so alienating yourself from showing how you feel,”

“It seems like you don’t give a damn about shooting at my brother to save the whole damn world, and not because of you he only lived because of fucking Grace Chasity of all people.” Ted’s tone was one of anger and indifference towards Steph as the scowl Ted tended to get when angered or annoyed was etched onto his face.

Steph raised a brow and asked “Really? Is that why you hate me honestly I don’t blame you for that I don’t, but you know it was an impossible situation, you know there wasn't a lot of options, so what do you want from me!” Stephanie’s tone was a defensive one.

Ted took a breath and admitted “Yeah there weren't many options, but that's my baby brother, that's all I have And I almost lost him and I never would have known why. It isn't logical or rational to be pissed because I am.”

Ted and Steph sat in silence ending the conversation and the silence tension went painfully slow for a moment before it dawned on the two of them that Pete hadn’t come back yet from putting the hot chocolate on the counter that Steph brought for him. Almost as if it was on queue the sound of something dropping alerted both Steph and Ted.

Steph quickly got up and rushed to the kitchen beating Ted there before he could. Where the sound came from was from the kitchen Ted followed after to check on Pete in case he passed out from low blood sugar.

When Steph rushed into the Kitchen she saw Pete drop one of the hot chocolates she brought. Pete was panicking and Steph’s brows furrowed in concern “Pete? Are you okay can you hear me?” Steph asks knowing that he isn’t good but she thinks she might as well ask him.

Through panicked breaths, Pete looked up at Steph “Steph?” Pete asks his eyesight blurred by tears “Yeah Pete it’s me I’m going to need you to breathe with me okay can you do that?” Steph asks walking to Pete.

Pete nods as he feels Steph put a hand on his shoulder as she tells him to take a deep breath in which he does and then out. After awhile Pete is a bit more calm as Steph tells him to do ‘54321’ he starts to list enter off. “Hey how about we get you into the living room for you to have a seat would you like Pete?” Pete nods as Steph takes his hand and starts to walk back to the living room.

Ted seeing them move steps out of the way side eyeing Steph but with a less aggressive more softened seeing how She handles Pete with such care and compassion. This causes him a moment of trying to fathom how Steph was willing to shoot at Pete but seeing the caring and loving expression with care and understanding for Pete the look she held when she looked at Pete.

It reminded him of Jenny and himself. especially when Jenny did the same thing for him when he had a panic attack in college. He loved Jenny more than a friend but he never got to tell her seeing as she moved to Clivesdale before he got to. The more Ted stared at both Steph and Pete as they talked Pete seemed more calm than he was before.

As the time bastard watches the pare he starts to realize he missed judged Steph. Ted knows that if he had to shoot Jenny to save the world he’d would be especially to keep Pete safe. As he came to that realization he felt bad but he wouldn’t say it out loud at least not right now not in front of Pete.

Ted noticed Steph looked over at him her brows furrowed in confusion trying to pin out why Ted was staring. When he noticed Ted’s gaze had softened more he gave Steph a nod of approval and a scent promise that they’d talk about this later. When Steph got the nod of approval from Ted she had a small smile forming on her face.

Despite the irksome indifference that is sightly still there between Stephanie and Ted at the end of the day the two of them care for each other. Even if Ted still holds the grudge he has towards Stephanie it’s now softened as he slowly understands why she had to nearly sacrifice Pete for the sake of the world.

[whaleofatjme1920]

hi, can i get headcanons of a reader pregnant with dr. bright’s child, like how he finds out and how he is throughout the pregnancy

Dr. Bright and Fatherhood

[GN!Reader, AFAB I don't,,, actually go too in depth with the pregnancy itself? Just know that YOU are pregnant in this.]

[Warnings: Pregnancy, I mention abortion once, angst]

[AN: this is actually quite angsty because I like it that way!!

THIS IS A PRO CHOICE BLOG I DO NOT WANT TO SEE ANY ANTI-CHOICE LOGIC HERE]

Reblogs are appreciated

Yeah he's not thrilled to be a father. I don't know about you guys but I think Jack is VERY childfree. So the fact he's going to have a kid and you want to keep it??

He had a rough childhood and that's putting it lightly. He's afraid he'll take out all of his trauma, his anger, everything he hasn't had the time to address and work on out on you and the life growing inside of you.

He doesn't want to be a father is what I'm trying to get at.

Jack, when asked for the first time how he felt about you being pregnant by you, says he wished you'd abort. Offers to pay and take care of you after, because he cannot deal with the fact he's responsible for making something and having responsibility for what comes next should you go through with the pregnancy.

He is NOT emotionally helpful during the pregnancy. He hardly wants to know you and can't seem to get his head out of his ass that it's not about him anymore.

He honestly begins to resent you and the baby.

He's very physically very helpful and by textbook standards, does everything he's supposed to.

But he isn't happy. Not one bit. He views it as a loss of freedom, trauma, a mistake he should have been more careful with, and the anger that you are "chaining" the two of you together.

People compliment him all the time for being such an attentive and loving partner! But it's all a front. He'll get whatever you're craving with no complaints. He will massage your back, let you sleep, handle your work and do everything he's supposed to but he's falling out of love.

He feels such a deep obligation to take care of you because that's what he has to do, not what he wants to do. It's expected of him.

During the pregnancy, he only helps decorate, pick things out, when you ask him to. Outside of being around you, he tries to forget that the baby even exists.

It's not that he hates the baby or you, but he's - he doesn't know the first thing about being a father, or even a functioning person. He has a lot of mental health things to address on top of being an immortal. This is terrifying for him.

When the baby is born, he holds her for the first time and feels absolutely nothing. No love, no hatred, just a passing feeling of "there is an infant in my arms and she is crying."

He won't let her touch 963. That's a hard no throughout her infancy and entire childhood.

He tries to protect her in his own ways.

He does not marry you emotionally, buy does so legally for the safety of this baby's childhood. You know he does not love you, at least not like how he used to. Sometimes you see glimpses of it in how he looks at you but it's nearly withered away to nothing.

He watches your daughter grow and still hardly feels any love for her. He feels obligation to ensure she's safe, that she's well taken care of and even puts up a fantastic front that he loves her but she knows he doesn't truly feel that way for her.

Might be one of the only times he really takes Dr. Glass's therapy sessions seriously is when your 6 year old daughter comes up to you and asks "why doesn't daddy love me?"

He tries in his own way to be a good father and it works in nearly every way but emotionally. He just sees her as some kid, a burden, someone who lives with him but he does not love.

But y'know, I don't think he really ends up loving her as a person until she's fully grown and moved out. By that point, she's just as detached and angry at him as he was when he first heard of her.

Later down the line though, after a lot of therapy both separate and together, I think he ends up loving her in his own way in the sense of "yeah, I have a daughter" and he can faintly smile about it. Throughout her childhood, she would say "I don't have a father." But, way, way down the line, she can say she finally has a dad.

[matan4il]

It's been a month since the lives of every Jew around the world was changed and I know that I for one will never fully recover from this. I'm sending you and everyone I know in Israel so much love and support because I know that at least I can live relatively untouched by what's happening.

I desperately want to talk to my non-jewish friends about what's going on but I honestly still have no idea how to do so because the situation is so unbelievably horrific that without having actual family and friends involved (or living in Israel), I don't think it's possible for anyone to appreciate how fucking terrifying everything is.

The news broke today of an American Jew dying after being attacked at a pro-palestine rally and there has been zero coverage of this outside of Jewish circles. I still check behind me when I commute because I'm afraid someone is gonna push me under a train because I am Jewish.

I joked, in the dark way that a lot of us do, that would I have to die for the gentiles to take the Jews' fears seriously and now someone has, it's clear that is being murdered in broad daylight (and not ok Israel because apparently it's clear that being in Israel invalidates your right to life in a lot of people's eyes) isn't enough to even get people to listen to us.

I just don't know what to do anymore.

Hi, love! Sorry it took me a moment. I'm doing my best, but I hope you know that my heart is always with you!

I feel exactly the same. My life will never be the same. Everything feels different. And we will heal, but scars this deep, they don't disappear. They will always be there. We have been forever changed. And I think that's... I think that's a Jewish experience that many former generations had, and we fooled ourselves to think the generation of the Holocaust would be the last one to go through this.

IDK what advice to give you on talking to your non-Jewish friends. I can tell you I've had many who reached out to me, and it's been so heartwarming. I've had three that I reached out to, but pretty much because I saw them spreading hate filled posts, and I thought they could, and would want, to do better. That didn't really work out, but then I guess if they were extreme enough that I felt compelled to reach out to them, maybe this attempt never really stood a chance. All I know is that I do feel better for having tried. But if you have friends who are not that far gone, yet they haven't been talking to you about this, then maybe an option would be to tell them that you need to share your feelings and thoughts. People often shy away from politics, but if they're really your friends, then they would listen to you sharing these more personal aspects of what's been going on.

Yes, the news about Paul Kessler's homicide were horrifying. A 69 years old man shouldn't have to be scared to go out expressing what he thinks in a free, democratic society. Please, do be careful! What this world should be, it clearly isn't.

I'm gonna be honest, after everything our people had gone through, I'd rather Jews be alive and hated, than spoken of compassionately, but dead. If the world had shown full empathy for every single one of the massacre's victims, I would still give all of that empathy away to have our people back, alive and well, unharmed. What's insane is that even dead Jews no longer get any empathy, not in Israel, and not outside it, as you've pointed out. So many people who claim to be reblogging anti-Israel posts, because they value human life, have failed to reblog anything condemning the massacre, or the rise in antisemitism, or mourn Paul.

IDK what we can do other than be there for each other, and speak up as much as we can, and where and when it's safe for us. I am sending you so much love, and the softest of hugs, okay? Please do let me know how you're doing, if you feel like it. xoxox

(for all of my updates and ask replies regarding Israel, click here)

[baileypie-writes]

~🖤Bibury Dating Headcanons🖤~

Fandom: Kira Kira Precure A La Mode

Reader: Gender Neutral

Relationship: Romantic

Warnings: Bibury previously being in a toxic relationship, fear of being alone/abandonment(Bibury), attachment issues/separation anxiety(Bibury), jealousy(Bibury), nightmares(Bibury)

~Masterlists~

~KiraKira Precure A La Mode Masterlist~

A/N ~ Bibury is canonically 100+ years old, and looks way younger. But, she looks around 15-17, so I think it fits in with my rules. Also, I sometimes see her name spelled as “Vibry”, but I’ve mostly seen it as “Bibury” so I went with that.

~ Bibury has only been in love once before, and the person of her affection ended up being a liar and a cheat who was responsible for her loneliness. The man barely even showed her any affection. So it’s safe to say that she knows next to nothing about relationships.

~ When Bibury has a crush on you, she doesn’t know what to do. She wants to tell you, but she’s terrified that you’ll abandon her if you don’t feel the same. Luckily, you did feel the same, and was the one who asked her out.

~ This girl has no clue what to do once you start dating. You’ll have to teach her how relationships work. Take her on dates, give her compliments, affection etc. It’ll take her forever to get used to being in a healthy relationship though, so please be patient.

~ Bibury definitely has major attachment issues. Remember how she had that doll, Iru, with her at all times? And how she would panic if she didn’t have him? Well congratulations, since she no longer has Iru, she’s now attached to you! She’s never more than 5 feet away from you, and she’s almost always holding onto your arm or shirt. If you suddenly leave without her knowledge, she panics. Like mentioned before, she has a major fear of abandonment. So if she doesn’t know where you are, she’s scared that you won’t come back. But don’t worry, the longer you two are in a relationship, the better she’ll get(as long as you don’t feed into it).She’ll eventually get used to the fact that you love her with all your heart, and that you’d never leave.

~ Her favorite kind of dates are going to bakeries. Her goal is to eat at every single one in town. Be sure to remind her that you have to buy the sweets; she constantly forgets that money is a thing in this world. The first few times you took her to eat, she ate the bakery’s entire stock of cupcakes, leaving your wallet empty. She felt really bad, and had the Pretty Cure help her bake an apology cake.

~ Bibury would go shopping with you, but it’s hard to find things that suit her style and taste. She’s given up on looking for clothes in town. Luckily, the internet is a thing. You had to teach her how to use it, of course. But once she knows the basics, she’s in awe. She can buy gothic lolita style clothes from anywhere in the world? AND they deliver it to her? What?! She doesn’t know how it’s possible, but she’s happy! After that adventure, she asks you to teach her more about the magical world of the internet.

~ She gets shy when it comes to PDA, but at the same time, Bibury wants everyone to know that you’re taken. She’ll hold onto your arm, and she lets you give her affection.

~ Bibury gets very jealous, and she’s not subtle with it at all. She’ll straight up yell at the person you’re talking to, and drag you away from them. She’ll be mad for the rest of the day(unless you buy/make her a treat!).

~ She gets very talkative when she’s with you. You’re her comfort person, so she’s comfortable telling you anything and everything that’s on her mind. She likes how you, unlike Iru, can give actual responses!(Bibury’s been talking to that doll for way too long. Bless her heart.)

~ Bibury is probably one of the most touched starved people on the planet. I honestly don’t think she’s had a hug in 100 years(no, I’m not exaggerating).So please, give her the affection she deserves. She may act annoyed, but in her mind, she’s begging you not to let go.

~ Bibury has terrible nightmares. She doesn’t even have good dreams, she just either doesn’t dream at all, or it’s a bad one. It’s obvious that this messes with her sleep schedule, because of the dark circles around her eyes. It’s gotten worse since she’s gotten rid of Iru, who used to be her comfort item. But you didn’t know just how bad it was until she fell asleep on you, and was basically fighting for her life in her sleep. You told her that she could come to you when she has her night terrors. She scoffed, and said that they “weren’t that bad”, and that she can “deal with them herself”. That very same night, you were woken up by knocking at your window, and was greeted by a crying Bibury. She’s been sleeping in your bed pretty much every night since then.

~~🖤~~🖤~~🖤~~🖤~~🖤~~

~~baileypie-writes

[crypt1dcorv1dae]

Hiii, bilingual-beast-boy here!

As a fellow DP comics Gar lover, I wanted to hear some of your thoughts on Nicholas Galtry and Gar.

Specifically, I'm really curious about your reasoning for why Gar would have stayed with Galtry despite how abusive the man was.

Like with his powers, you'd think Gar could have gotten away from him if he really wanted to (which, clearly he did). His green skin makes him stick out like a sore thumb in public, which would make it difficult to hide from authorities (or even a private investigator Galtry may hire with his inheritance if Galtry was really desperate) if he ran away, but it's not like a pair of handcuffs would be able to stop him.

Maybe Gar just didn't want to run away if he would constantly be in hiding, or maybe Gar wasn't sure what would happen to his inheritance if he ran away? I don't know much about inheritance law, and neither would Gar tbh, but I can totally see 1) Nicholas telling Gar that all of his parents' money would automatically go to him if he ever ran away, and 2) Gar loathing the idea of his parents' money going to that creep.

Or, alternatively, maybe Gar never tried running away because deep down he thought he deserved it? Gar definitely has that self-hating, self-induced penitence streak about him, but I'm not sure if it would have been that strong when he was with Galtry. I feel like that streak really started going strong after the DP died, and we can clearly see his hatred of Galtry and his desperation to get out of Galtry's care in the comics.

Anyway, not sure if you'd ever thought about this before, but I can't come up with a solid enough answer on my own and was curious about your thoughts :)

i think honestly the biggest reason he never tried running away is bc... leaving an abusive situation, especially as a CHILD, is fucking terrifying!! people stay in abusive situations bc abuse makes them more afraid to LEAVE than to stay and suffer, often it takes YEARS for even grown adults to work up the courage to leave, so a kid with NO ONE and nothing to run to? no friends, no family to hide with to stay safe? yeah, its no wonder he didnt try to run...

but i do think that youre right in the way that, in some way, he thought he deserved it. i dont know exactly how long he lived with galtry, but i know how young he was when his parents died, and being RAISED by someone like that definitely makes you believe you arent worth much, or that how THEY treat you is still better than whatever you'll find elsewhere, the old "nobody will ever care about you as much as me" shtick ykno?

the fact he tried going to the DP at all is incredibly brave, especially after being turned away MULTIPLE TIMES, after being told they didn't believe him, that his situation couldnt be as bad as he says (another reason victims fear going to anyone for help, not being BELIEVED) he still kept coming back! bc even despite all that, theyre still the only people who have shown him any kind of understanding or care...

tbh i really need to read more to have more Clear Concise Thoughts on the situation, but god damn gar's life is... rough to think about. its actually an incredibly ACCURATE portrayal of abuse, both in the forms it takes, AND in the ways it affects gar's psyche, personality, behavior etc ... it hurts me but its actually really well written in my opinion

[fandom-imagination-ss]

Imagine: Joel waking up after his fever breaks to see you tending to him

everything happens for a reason, Like Fungus heating up from the earth crust and starting to infect human life.

Or the first few weeks of the outbreak your AWFUL abusive boyfriend was First infected and you were saved by Joel Miller.

it took him and yourself years to feel comfortable around each other and by then he had Tess. But traveling with a girl across the country you going to make sure she was safe. you and Joel Oddly. and finally after years of knowing each other became friendly. you were stunned to see him opening up to Elle. he was always Blunt and honestly fearful. and had barriers and was hit first ask questions later. but now he was letting his guard down. and it fascinated you. A Rusty dagger got Joel. right in the Stomach. were instantly terrified it hit an organ. how it didn't you weren't sure how but he was losing a lot of blood. and you also knew he was probably going to have an infection that could kill him. you have seen people Die from all sorts of things. infections, wounds, and One from Sneezing too much. you really aren't sure What was wrong wit that women. but she sneezed herself to death.

Elle was out hunting for food, which you weren't sure if was a good idea. but she was freaking out in the basement so you sent her to go but to stay close and to be careful as you dug into your bag. In another life your Grandmother was Herbalist and your mom banned all medical medicine in the house. you weren't even vaccinated for anything until you were 18. that was your big 18th birthday gift.. Vaccines. you thought your mom and Gran crazy but the moment the world ended. you grabbed their herbs and books on plants. and you now deal with natural medicine when it's to hard to find medical.

you had no medical medicine for Joel. you had an Advil that would probably do nothing for his pain but you gave that to him hours ago. Joel mocked you as you collected Weeds as you walked. ironically a weed will at Least calm his fever. Plantain. A weed that Never dies. you. And Yarrow commonly knows for "soldiers' wound wort". it's used to help with wounds. during war time soldiers would use this to make ornaments to heal their wounds.

they work, but Slow. and with how much blood he lost you knew he would need a blood transfusion. your Dick of a ex was a doctor and he did make a transfusion at your apartment. you had clean needles in your bag, So after preparing the medicine for Joel you used your years of growing up with your mother. then you went around searching for things to Give Joel blood. Elle came back unsucessful as she helped.

"how you know how to do this? I thought you said you were a teacher?"

"Life. experience." yu weren't going to tell Her about your past. not that. she was a Kid.

"I'll do it.. he can have my blood." you smiled weakly looking up at Elle as you found clean tubbing. it was in a bag in he garrage. you think it was meant for a fridge water tube. Duct Tape will Fix the big issues.. you figured.

"Can't be you- we have no idea what will happen if you mix your blood with others.. plus if your the wrong blood type you could kill him."

"So you know his blood type?"

you shook your head, "no- But Im universal blood."

it wasn't pretty but you got it done. you weren't a doctor. Hell you weren't even a nurse. but at least that will help him.. or Kill him. you weren't sure.

it was the middle of the night. as Elle was asleep beside Joel as you were fixing hsi Jacket as he opened his eyes for the first time in days. he had a single tear roll down his cheek as you smiled weakly whipping it away as you smiled weakly, "Hey"

he went to talk but you hushed him and laid down beside him. on the other side of him as you Rested your head on his shoulder as you closed your eyes relieved he was awake.

Joel remembers telling you both to leave him to die. he ordered you to take Elle and to forget about him. he was stunned to see you Not Only still here. but wedged in between you both. he couldn't believe you would Stay for him. he didn't deserve it. he thought. to be cared for. he still felt awful but he couldn't imagine how you both felt. he was suppose to be protecting and caring for you both. Not the other way around. but you just smiled down at him. fixed his tear and laid down as he reached over grabbing your hand squeezing it tihgtly. you squeezed back as you whispered softly "Sleep Joel we need you still okay?"

"okay"