#goin thru it. you know how it is
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harlequinalis · 7 days ago
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indrik
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spaciebabie · 28 days ago
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at first getting diagnosed with cptsd was like, "yay my trauma has been validated (it always was valid)!" and i really thought that was going to be it, but then i started to do research as i do whenever i realize i have something and learned that!! the way i experience socialization is!! quite horrid actually!!
#i have had this stupid fucking rule for myself for years since i was little#''dont speak unless you're spoken to or else something bad will happen. nobody wants to hear what you have to say unless they ask''#I TELL MYSELF THAT ALL THE TIME????#AND I DIDNT REALIZE IT WASNT NORMAL#thats not something that healthy people think to themselves whenever they want to talk to people. they just talk to them#they dont tell themselves not to speak to people for fear of what may happen to them jesus christ spacie#i get so scared when i message anybody ANYTHING#bc everything and anything i wanna talk about feels so stupid why would anyone give a shit#staring at a funny joke i want to send someone for 30 fucking minutes before deleting it b/c my brain is like ''errmm who cares?''#''also they're going to yell at you for wasting their time!!!''#i sent my friend a meme once and had a panic attack (or maybe a flashback?? im still trying to figure out what they are) immediately after#this shit sucks dude. it sucks#at least im processing what happened to me. thats why it hurts so bad rn its been stockpiled for like.#2 decades#im not looking for any sympathy here im just putting it out there#so that anybody who feels the same way i do know they're not alone#ive been struggling everyday for like 2 months now (actually DEFINITELY longer)#it will get better. things just need to be taken one step at a time#i have gotten thru my worst days i have a 100% success rate#how many days have i been alive#7930#lightwork#lets keep it goin#vent#trauma tw#trauma mention#wrote this post thru a flashback btw!! dealing with them is getting easier#before i would be unable to function for days at a time!!!#with one of the most recent ones i had i was so in the thick of it i avoided everyone i knew for a week cuz i was convinced#i was an evil unlovable freak that only wanted to hurt people
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pastellguts · 11 months ago
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Life is hard, but when all else fails, draw mermaids.
siren/mermaid au belongs to @weather-mood
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dutybcrne · 2 months ago
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Thinking abt Kae’s Fatui verse,,,,
#☆ ┆ ( .ooc. );#//Him having a sort of fatal attraction vibe goin with Traveler like Came||ya’s whole thing almost hdbfb#//The whole ‘you’re interesting; I really like you; I can’t WAIT to see what makes you tick’#//Except he might actually be more of a danger to them; considering his endgame for those he ‘loves’#v; l’innamorato (fatui!kaeya)#//The love idea of him v attached to Signora; deffo got along with the kiddos of the HotH better fjhdh#//Prolly loved presenting her W|ll Sm|th style; even if the attention it drew to him too did make his skin crawl more often than not#//Love the idea of him stalking Traveler thru their journeyw lil heart eyes; interfering at key moments to hinder or help them progress#//Depends on how he’s feeling at the moment jcbcb#//In this verse would deffo butt heads with Taru in Fontaine specifically—he wants Traveler’s attention too jfbfb#//Prolly met them in Mond as part of Signora’s lil entourage—IMMEDIATELY got intrigued at first glance#//Background wise; I like to think he was a Fatuus meant to infiltrate the knights like many of Eroch’s ppl#//And in the progress of going through the knight thing got acquainted w Luc & began to have doubts abt the Fatui cause#//After visiting his home; hearing abt and meeting his father; then the day of the Heckening happens & they fight#//Bc Kae already planned to come clean & renounce the Fatui & Khaenri’ah; but the mess Crepus’s death made of him#//Tried far too hastily; far too bluntly to tell Luc the truth of his origins; swearing he knew nothing abt the Delusion#//Only to get claymore’d; which absolutely helped cemented him into the Fatui’s ranks more#//A part of him knows it wasn’t the time to say it; that he is at fault for trying to take advantage of Luc’s vulnerable state to tell him#//Only for the lad to have been far too volatile & so it turned out badly; but he still blames Luc for the break of their bond#//Anywho; I like to think as of Inazuma; he does have a certain grudge against traveler bc of Signora#//Before; encounters were more of puppy love bordering on dangerous obsession—after that; the dangerous bit became Personal#//Ohhh I’m writing a yandere here; okay<-should have realized that from the FIRST slew of Fatuiverse hcs lmao#//He genuinely does love Traveler; would like to see them breaking down in despair in his arms#//The two of them together would make a most beautiful ice sculpture indeed#//Even with his grudge; Traveler does stand a chance at swaying him to actually be helpful#//Sumeru quest wise; Co||ei is the magic word—i like to think he came along with there bc he wanted to see abt the Eleazar#//And maybe find clues to her family or even her herself; Traveler or Paimon dropping the name would make him cooperate SO fast#//Klee in Mond is basically his Teucer jffb. She is as good as fam in his eyes—I like to think he keeps up his habit of collecting pyro ppl#//Bc he never got over his broken bond with SOMEONE. Even if this verse has him more bitter abt it#//But ye jdbdbd. Is it rlly a Allie posting if it not short lol blurb and then heckin TAG SPAM lololol
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royaltea000 · 6 months ago
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Allow me to commiserate about the cringey ten year old Prussia obsession. I bought an actual iron cross from a flea market and I loved the thing, my Mother never let me wear it anywhere, thankfully ad when I was like seventeen and (grownup) I threw it like a skipping stone into my towns lake out of embarrassment on multiple levels hgjfkdsa The Prussia obsession never left tho and I after then event read like four books about Prussian history and Teutonic knight history and military warfare and Prussian army victories. Now he's just my baby girl xD
I gotta stop outing myself like this. Should I stop putting my every single thought into tags? Yes. But anyways Prussia simps just the same everywhere aren’t we or2
I was thinking of outing my DA name since you told me your embarassing moment but it still physically hurts me too much to write it out so I will just say that it included the German word for Prussia but I had no idea how to make the fancy B lookin letter they had so it was just a regular B 😭😭😭
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pcktknife · 1 year ago
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But if you play sumo with female protag your gf lillie is also blonde … can’t choose that option
sorry selene u cant date lillie bc thats too much blonde between 2 people :/
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angelgendered · 5 months ago
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When I get nice comments from people on my writing, it makes all the times I was mocked as a teenager for being into fandom and bandom and writing smut about boys in said bandoms worth it tbh.
Like 18 year old me writing smutty fanfic at length about boys in pop punk bands is so proud of 32 year old me. She'd probably find the fact I'm trans masc confusing cos I was so far on the closet back then. But hey, my writing has really improved through sheer perseverance and reading/writing lots of smut, lol.
(And yes, I really did write bandom rpf fic and rp for a good 10?? ish years. I'm not precisely proud of it but it did shape my views on fandom generally, rpf, fandom wank and kink, I stand by that.)
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princessmyriad · 11 months ago
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Ofmd is..not at all what i was expecting
Why did not a single one of you tell me that they were vaguely given pirate characters and told to improv about it and that most of them are bad at improv but really trying their hardest
Maybe i shouldve guessed but i was expecting like.. a show. Like a real show with written scripts not this (kind of awkward) bumbling around a scene for longer than is needed until the directors decide to spare us and show a different bumbling scene
Props to queer eye for the pirate guy who is trying his damn hardest, theres a lad who knows when to chomp on that bit but watching this show overall feels like a trainwreck. Like im still gonna watch if you get just the right amount of high and accept that this is an ongoing theatre improv scenario not a television or streaming style show then you can still have a good time i think, embrace the cringe and whatnot and i know you tumblr hoes love it so ill stick it through to the end but can someone please at least tell me that good omens is like.. a show with a script? When i get to it ive heard such good things and if its just more college improv id like to maybe skip it please i think ofmd is enough improv for me
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likeawolfatthemoon · 2 years ago
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"It's all I've been told, I'm heavy to hold."
Heavy - Peach PRC
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coulsonlives · 2 years ago
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#my friend and i broke up#she's still on w the whole 'i have this' malingering and attention seeking behaviour and i tried to be sympathetic but she shut me out#her parents apparently even let her see a psychiatrist (that shit's expensive) and she did but she got a different dx now she's mad#and she doesn't want to see a counsellor. i sent her resources for what she (thought) she had and she won't even look at em#she said it's 'big psychiatry' so she didn't trust it?? i wish i was making this up#the links i sent weren't even affiliated with any doctors or psychiatrists!!#they were literally support links and pages from a reputable site for people with this disorder and pages that helped confirm if you had it#SHE REFUSED TO LOOK AT ANYTHING#SHE ONLY WANTED TO SEE THINGS THAT REINFORCED HER DELUSION#heLLO YOU YOURSELF WANTED TO SEE A PSYCHIATRIST NOW ALL OF A SUDDEN BC YOU GOT THE WRONG ANSWER ITS A NO??#i feel like i'm going to be sick i feel horrible#i'm angry and hurt and frustrated and i don't know how to help her outta this so i feel like a useless pos#i'm so done?? done done done#the sad thing is i can't even tell 100 percent if she's actually sure she has something based on super wrong symptoms or#if she's intentionally faking#i just went thru and blocked a lot of blogs too..#because i'm starting to notice a LOT of this on tumblr too and it jumps out like a sore thumb now esp in certain communities#idk if i have it in me to see all these people in the same exact boat whether it's intentional or they actually don't get what's goin on#i'm not using certain community/label tags in my posts anymore and taking em out of my previous posts#mental health cw#rant#vent#tbd#malingering cw#munchausen cw
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kk-dirge · 2 years ago
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happy 10 minutes to new years i spent the past ~4 hours grinding out doing all of my ocs icon sprites o__o i wont be able to have them all finished by my new years eve but i have 4 left so i can make it for west coast NYE
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junimoosh · 2 years ago
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Photo studies from this past Spring 🌧️
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ipoddymouth · 7 months ago
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ttpd good when you don't have a bitch in ya ear tellin you its about matty healy
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meistoshi · 8 months ago
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brain did the ping of Thing detection again coz dash. i aint rbing all that but vague hand motions short gist is satoshi assumes pan-ness is the norm n never talks abt himself so majority ppl even of those who are friends with him assume he's just Ally(tm)
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selfcontainedunivcrse · 11 months ago
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My son Ethan has been living in my brain. He is at least moderately toxic and will never go to therapy. He is freeloading off of his best friend + her gf after his boyfriend gently kicked him out to learn how to function in society. he will not
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lostjudgmnt · 1 year ago
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i wish i was as creative as a lot of the people around me when it came to my ocs. or at least had the confidence to talk about them as if i were creative
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