#gods i am in my sad girl emotions rn

[brassknucklespeirs]

ɢʀɪᴇꜰ ɪꜱ ꜰɪᴄᴋʟᴇ [ʀɪᴄʜᴀʀᴅ ᴡɪɴᴛᴇʀꜱ x ꜰ!ʀᴇᴀᴅᴇʀ]

The feeling was so strong, and honestly not in the good way. It took over her body, clenching and squeezing at her muscles and causing a tension that took over her very being. And yet through it all, her mind gave her constant conflicting messages; you're fine, you're not sad, you're not in pain, you're not grieving, you're completely and utterly fine. She was exhausted from trying to keep up with herself, and it showed. Her closest friends, Bill and Joe, would have seen the change in her. It wasn't a big change, but the usually happy and witty friend of theirs turned maniac, and everything she did became erratic. She didn't seem quite right, though those who didn't know her well would not think much of it, for she was okay just enough to hold it together.

But Joe and Bill weren't there anymore, having been hit in Bastogne and both sent back to the States with injuries that would see they would not be returning. She had reminisced on a similar feeling she had after they had jumped into Carentan. At the time, Y/N wasn't sure how she was feeling, and there was a constant back and forth in her emotions that she was trying to juggle like a bad circus act. She had thought back on how she had sat staring wide eyed at a replacement who had been shot right before her eyes, a young teenager who would have had his whole life ahead of him, now reduced to nothing but a lifeless body at her feet.

"I'm fine, I promise." She had muttered breathlessly to Toye who sat with her on the truck, looking worried as his friend held a bewildered gaze, staring into space without a single thought in her eyes that swum with tears.

"I don't know if that's quite true, but regardless, I'm here, and I always will be." Joe had spoke softly, pressing a gentle kiss to her head, before pulling back and running a reassuring thumb over her cheek, a smile on his lips. Bill had sat on her other side, wrapping an arm over her shoulder, gently tugging her towards him with a grin on his own lips. She remembered those smiles, as if they were engrained in her mind, a memory brought out at any moment she needed it.

But now, she was left without Joe or Bill, both of whom had been her support, her constants. Though it was a sweet gesture meant to calm her jittery bones, the expressions on her best friends' faces would seemingly follow her like a ghost, constantly haunting her steps at every corner she took. When Joe and Bill were hit, Y/N knew how she felt. She was lost, truly and utterly. The two pillars that helped her stand constantly were knocked down themselves and she felt she had nothing to hold her up. Everything turned dark, like the night sky was perpetual, however not the beautiful star filled sky, but a blanketed cloudy night with a catastrophic storm brewing. The winds of change blew her left and right and she struggled to hold on to herself. She watched as Buck lost himself to it, and she pondered whether she would too; she honestly thought she was a goner at that point.

Y/N remembered Joe's words. I'm here, and I always would be. Liar. She thought hopelessly as she clung to herself, arms wrapped around her torso as she rocked herself back and forth. She had ensured no one else was around; it was simply splintered trees and that grieving girl.

In a way, she did lose herself. Everyone watched as she became a shell of herself, merely a solider forced to fight. She was on autopilot, just awake enough to be able to reassure people she was fine, before going back to her stoic, tight jawed expression. She was haunted, she was tired, and she was so utterly over seeing those she cared for being diminished to nothing but a memory. It was driving her mad with grief. She had lost her ability to handle it, and instead had resorted to simply not dealing with it. She had flicked that switch in her mind that dealt with grief, with loss, and had become nothing but a solider, ready to take on the world with nothing to lose.

Dick had found her there, in amongst the snow, shivering and on her way to tears as she seemed to whisper words to herself, speaking her thoughts aloud. He paused his steps, wondering if he should announce himself, but the man couldn’t stop himself as his heart ached for the woman.

"Sergeant L/N." He called gently. She stood immediately, her movements fast and aggressive as she all but snapped her heels together, as if she was the perfect, well oiled machine of a solider.

"Captain Winters, sir." She replied, voice devoid of emotion as she forced herself to hold it together, like a default setting she was ready to flick on when she needed. He stared at her, head tilting the slightest amount while he studied her carefully.

"Y/N," He began, and she felt the default setting turn off as soon as her name left his lips, like the false portrayal of this fighter had melted away to show nothing but the diminished woman she felt herself to be.

"Dick," She whispered back, her shoulders dropping to show her true feelings. He stepped forward, grabbing her hand gently as he tugged her forward towards him. Her jaw tightened and slacked with every other second, as she was trying to stop herself from feeling certain emotions, not wanting to show how hurt and lost she truly felt.

"Talk to me sweetheart." He said quietly, drawing her closer to him so they stood almost chest to chest, his eyes intently staring at her. She wanted to hold back, wanted to pretend she was fine, but something about the man made it hard to do so. She looked up at him, the man who had been a constant thought in the back of her mind, the kind of dream she would hope she'd see every night but never be able to have while she was awake. And yet he stood here before her, staring at her with such a soft gaze, one that she thought she would only see while she slept, as if she was the only thing that mattered to him in that moment. They had always had something lingering in the space between them since they had first met during basic training, but it seemed neither had the time to explore further as they were thrown full force into the war. But even then, the lingering eyes and protective manner in which Dick moved around her showed her that he was fully aware of it.

"I just…there so many things going through my head. Like when I'm dead and gone…will they remember me? Will I be anything to anyone? Will I be worth the talk?" The woman muttered, the words dripping from her lips like syrup, slow and thick, emotion encompassing every syllable.

"To me, you will." Winters said softly, so softly that if the wind was blowing any harder it might have wasted away, never to be heard. But she heard it, and it made her snap her head in his direction, eyes watering as she gazed at him. Her visions blurred with tears and she felt her knees grow weak before she dropped to them, but he wrapped his arms around her frail body to stop her from meeting the ground harshly as the sobs that so desperately needed to come fell from her lips. His hand running along her spine reassuringly as he held her close, letting her feel what she must to

Dick felt his throat constrict, his own emotion coming forth as he heard her heart wrenching cries, and flash backs of his own grief came back to him. He saw the young SS soldier, saw his dropping smile and his bright eyes. He saw his body jolt in his mind as his bullet hit the boy in the chest, before he saw his body hit the ground. Dick's arms tightened around the woman, his hand finding its way to the back of her head as he cradled it to sit in the space between his jaw and shoulder.

"I know. I know." He whispered to her, his mind recounting the faces of the soldier who were under his command that had lost their lives to this war. His eyebrows pulled together as tears gathered in his eyes, but he gulped down the feeling as he held her. "It's..it's not easy, and it feels never ending, I know. But, you're….you're so much stronger than you give yourself credit for. And I know you don't feel like you can but…I know you can keep going, for Joe and Bill, for yourself." He muttered.

"I…I just feel so heavy Dick." She choked out as she pulled her face from his neck and gazed up at him with red rimmed, wet eyes. He nodded his head as he returned her gaze, showing his own teary eyes.

"Then let me carry some of it," He replied, "Let me take some of the weight sweetheart." He continued, squeezing her hand he had moved to grab.

"How?" She whispered so softly that he almost didn't hear her.

"Talk, let it out, cry, let me hold you tighter, do what you have to. I'm here for it all." He said, trying to prompt her to feel.

"People have said that in the past and now they're gone." Y/N said honestly, her heart clenching in her chest painfully as she thought of Joe and Bill.

"Well I can't promise anything, and you know that. But for this very moment, let me take some of the weight." Dick said gently, running his fingers through the hair that wasn't covered by her helmet. His words echoed on her head, and she felt her body loosen. She knew she didn't know what would happen, but for now? For now she could try her best at handling everything if he held her hand through it.

"O…okay." She whispered as she let her head rest on his shoulder. It was as if the physical contact between them had let her weight transfer to him slightly, as if every moment she spent in his embrace she was able to breathe more. She didn’t feel as though she needed to cry anymore, she felt as though she simply needed to stay enveloped in his arms. Y/N pulled away from him eventually, her eyes drier and her heart less heavy as she gazed up at him.

"Thank you Dick." She whispered to him causing him to smile.

"Of course, anything for you." He replied quietly and her heart jumped at his words. They stared at each other for a few moments, and with every second, they seemed to grow closer to one another. Dick pressed his lips softly against hers after a moment, and Y/N welcomed the feeling, returning the kiss with the same gentle passion. They pulled away not long after, not wanting to get caught up in each other, but ensuring that there was enough there to express one another's feelings. They stared at each other once more as they pulled away, eyes full with a fondness that had always been there but never truly expressed.

As time went on, she felt lighter, not like the entire weight of her feelings had disappeared, but like every time her knees were ready to buckle under the weight he was there to hold some of it for her. Dick seemed to be a new constant, not a replacement of Bill and Joe, but something new. She wasn't sure if she was thinking too much into it but she felt as though this felt different. His eyes lingered on her just a little longer, his gaze always questioning her wellbeing in a way that a leader, or even a close friend, wouldn't do. His gaze held more of an affectionate gentleness, something she had only dreamed of.

That night at the Eagle's nest, many of the men had gathered to drink and celebrate the victory in Europe, elated by the surrender of the German army and their allies. But Y/N was tired, and felt herself in serious need of rest. She hadn't been able to see Dick in a couple of days passed the odd wide eyed gaze across the room, and she felt herself grow heavy. She had stayed in her room until Luz had come to visit, asking if she was joining them. She smiled sweetly at him, but the emotion struggled to reach her drooping eyes as she did.

"I just…need some time alone please." Y/N said to George, a small reassuring smile on her lips as she stood by her bedroom door.

"Of course, let us know if you need something." Luz replied with a large grin, one that she was very used to. She smiled fondly at him before nodding gratefully.

"Thanks George." The man smiled once more before wandering off to see the other men, leaving Y/N by herself. She sighed as she closed the door, letting her shoulders slump while she leant against the door. She went to walk over to her bed to sit for a moment, but another knock sounded on the door and she turned back to it again with a quiet groan. She swung the door open, expecting one of the enlisted men to be there, asking her to come drink with them but was surprised to see Winters standing there. He looked at her with a small smile, his hands playing with the fabric of his hat that was grasped between his fingers.

"I can go if you need some time alone." Dick spoke suddenly, and she broke out of her moment of admiring him

"No!" Y/N blurted out, her voice louder than she intended. Her eyes widened at herself, before clearing her throat awkwardly. "No. Please…stay." She uttered, her voice much quieter now as if she was questioning her own words. Dick let a small smile cover his lips as he nodded, stepping further into the room as he closed the door gently.

"How are you feeling?" He asked fondly as he looked at her, the both of them standing in the middle of her room.

"Um…better, in a way. But not so much in others." Y/N replied with a small smile, her eyes flickering between his face and her hands that she was clenching and unclenching in front of her. "I don't know how I'm ever going to get over what this war had made me feel. How will i…how will I ever explain this to people who don't understand?" She said as she looked at him fully. His face took on an empathetic softness, and he stepped closer to her, his hands finding their way to her shoulders.

"I don't know if you ever will be able to. I'm quite sure I won't be able to." Dick spoke with a gentleness that she had been hoping to hear. His hand moved to her face, his thumb running over the skin below her eye and along her cheekbone. "But…you don’t have to be able to explain it to me." He finished with a smile that made her feel safe, her chest feeling less constricted until a thought crossed her mind and it came back once again.

"But you won't always be there, will you?" Y/N whispered, a sadness taking over her expression. Dick took a deep breath, his adam's apple bobbing as thought over his next words.

"Who ever said that?" He spoke, and he seemed so sure of himself. She looked up at him again, eyes wide and eyebrows furrowed.

"What…what do you mean?" She questioned, fiddling with her fingers unconsciously. He let a smile grace his lips as he reached for her hands, untangling them before interlinking them with his.

"I mean…I…" He began, though he seemed to trip up on his words. "I would like you to come back with me, after…this." He continued, his cheeks growing slightly red. "Only if you want to." He finished quickly. Y/N's breath caught in her throat for a moment as she stared at their hands.

"What…me? You want me to come back with you after the war?" She said with wide eyes, her mind swimming with thoughts, overthinking to the point where she questioned whether she had made up the words he spoke in her mind.

"Well…yes." He said with a slight tension to his sentence.

"I….okay." She whispered, looking up at him again, her teeth sinking into her bottom lip as she did. His face broke out into a large smile, his eyes lighting up happily.

"Well…that's good." Dick said, his face showing relief. Y/N felt her own face break into a smile as she stared up at him.

"That is good." She replied, and they both shared a smile before Y/N leaned forward and pecked his lips gently. His face showed a shy bewilderment that caused her to giggle quietly. His lips twitched at her laugh before he leaned forward and pressed another kiss to her lips, pulling her closer.

"It means you won't ever have to carry everything by yourself. Not now and not ever." He whispered as he pulled away, a genuine loving care in his eyes. She smiled at his words, eyes swimming with tears. He returned her smile, pressing his lips to her forehead gently before looking down at her once more. "I won't ever let you feel that way again."

[chaostudee]

i love you i'm sorry, charles leclerc + jude bellingham

summary : y/n y/ln and charles leclerc are the it couple in the f1 universe and when they aren't spotted together for some time hell breaks loose all over the internet. it's not long before y/n starts soft launching a new relationship but unbeknownst to her charles is still keen to get her back. faceclaim : cindy kimberly a/n : pls lmk if u want part 2 because i have so many ideas hehe

y/nusername a girl who is going to be just fine because she has her two boys.

liked by charlesleclerc, kikagomez, landonorris and 2,729,920 others.

charlesleclerc forever mon amour ❤️

y/nusername forever and always x

f1fan829 this is who i want to be when i grow up

user9292 no wag has ever wagged like she has

y/nfan91 crying because why are they acc the cutest ever 😭😭

user_0082 mom and dad

f1lover4eva id acc die if they broke up

username127 the hottest couple to ever exist and i will stand by that ✋️

kikagomez you have me too girl ;)

y/nusername love uuuu

forzaferrari56 love themmm

user11133 idk who im more jealous of actually

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text messages between y/n and charles

yk i love u right ? charles

ofc i do you only tell me like a hundred times a day 😭 y/n

ik ik i just don't want u to ever forget it, god im going to miss you sm over the next few weeks charles

oh baby we'll be okay and besides the monaco gp is less than a month away y/n

ik but i'm really going to miss you charles

such a simp y/n

🙄 charles

i'm really going to miss you too y/n

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charlesleclerc tough race for us as a team, hopefully we can bounce back at the next one 💪

liked by f1, y/nusername, carlossainz and 1,182,929 others.

user182 it's okay pookie we still love you 🫶

f1fan totally not your fault ferrari are to blame again

username67 wtf was that strategy....

f1lover plsss a podium in monaco we believe in you <3

user728 stopp he looks so sad

y/nusername love you always x

charlesleclerc 😘

forzaferrari they are actually just screwing up this whole championship for him

y/nusername 🌟🐇

liked by charlesleclerc, carmenmundt, lewishamilton and 2,018,528 others.

username_89 oh charles i get it

user00 she is literally the prettiest everrrr

f1fan it's giving disney princess

ln4_7 WE NEED Y/N IN MONACO OH PLS I BEG

charlesleclerc i'm so lucky

user116 atleast he's aware f1lover 😭😭

carmenmundt the prettiest angel <3

user728 omgg i need that lip combo rnnn

f1lover yes i am indeed jealous of charles leclerc

f1 monaco gp this weekend !!

liked by charlesleclerc, y/nusername, maxverstappen and 1,302,628 others.

user88 the girls that get it get it

f1fan this is my superbowl

user7202 i've waited all year for thissss

f1lover hoping that charles can acc get the winnn

user728_7 yesss ferrari pls don't mess up his strategy i beggg

user11 hehe can't waittt

y/nusername monaco ✈️

charlesleclerc it feels like a fever dream bit i couldn't be happier, the best weekend on my life. i love you all so much thank you for supporting me.

liked by y/nusername, maxverstappen, carlossainz and 5,728,929 others.

maxverstappen congrats :)

charlesleclerc ❤️ f1fan never beating the lestappen allegations

user78 so we can all collectively agree we all cried when charles crossed the line??

y/nusername so incredibly proud of you my sweet boy i love you so so much

user728 i can't im so emotional rn

username y/n's comment omg im sobbingg

f1fan never ever getting over this

f1updates highlight of my year actually

user266 his smile 🦋🦋

*y/nusername has just uploaded a new video*

》 oh my queen

》 her vlogs are acc my comfort

》 stopp the clip of charles playing piano to her im sobbing

》 her reaction to charles' win is everything

》 her voice is so soothing

》 i got the notification and screamed

y/nusername a quick stop in paris 🥐🇫🇷

liked by charlesleclerc, landonorris, pierregasly and 1,819,729 others.

pierregasly are u happy to be in paris

y/nusername oui

user845 "a quick stop in paris" oh girl u rich rich

username ugh to be leo leclerc like that dog has a better life than me and it's sad honestly

f1fan awww the cutest family

landonorris where was my invite :,(

f1lover whenever y/n posts ik it's going to be good

user78 i don't think i'd be okay if they ever broke up

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texts between charles and y/n

was this whole relationship just a joke to you y/n

did i ever even mean anything to you y/n

fuck of course you did baby i love u charles

you love me?!?! y/n

yes yk i do charles

we have been together 6 YEARS 6 YEARS CHARLES y/n

if you are not ready now, you are never going to be y/n

thats not true charles

yes it is charles y/n

if u don't want to marry me after 6 years of being in love with me you never want to it's as simple as y/n

i'm sorry but i just can't be with someone who doesn't want the same things y/n

charlesleclerc summer

liked by landonorris, maxverstappen, danielriccardio and 7,192,111 others.

landonorris ��️

user828 i'm speechless

username11 looks like charles got leo

f1fan i miss them

user718 this breakup just can't be real

f1lover he's already replaced y/n with lando 😭

username_55 unless i see a statement or them dating other people i'm just going to try to convince myself it's rumours

anon delulu is the solulu

y/nusername i've never been happier :)

liked by charlesleclerc, carmenmundt, kikagomez and 5,299,551 others.

username_67 👀

user28 this is so petty of her and i love it

f1fan help not charles in the likes

f1_wag i refuse to believe they broke up....yes i'm that delulu

user727 that post breakup glow 😍

f1lover oh charles defo regrets losing her like omggg how can someone be this gorgeous

charlie_7 these pics are so aesthetic i could cry

user51 ik everyone only cares about the drama but GUYS Y/N IS SERVING CUNT

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texts between charles and y/n

please y/n charles

please charles

i can't take it anymore charles

i regret everything i said and i wish i had never even said it i wish i could take it all back charles

fuck i love u sm charles

i don't deserve you one bit charles

yeah you don't y/n

leave me alone charles y/n

we're done y/n

move on y/n

but i can't

*this user has blocked you*

༘˚⋆𐙚｡⋆𖦹.✧˚

judebellingham

liked by y/nusername, football728, realmadridfc and 7,929,728 others.

user828 he fine asfff

f1fan guys y/n is in the likes....

username728 what a player 🤍

user_27 great game today jude keep it up!!

f1lover waittt are y/n and jude like dating

user25 omgg stop she just liked his post get over it weirdo

anon charles is better

username_12 great game, but y/n y/ln come on man

y/nusername finally found someone who treats me right 🤭🫶

liked by judebellingham, oscarpiastri , maxverstappen and 4,729,519 others.

user727 BRO WHAT

username i just opened instagram-

f1fan im shooketh

oscarpiastri glad you're happy ❤️

y/nusername thanks x user828 I KNEW IT I KNEW OSCAR WAS TEAM Y/N

user999 oh charles

f1lover f1 wag to football wag is crazy like girl what crystals are u using?????

user_27 ik this was probably supposed to be a soft launch....but girl you just broke the internet

username616 ik y/n is giggling just reading all these comments

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texts between lando and charles

did you see y/n's post? lando

yup charles

are you okay? lando

ha i mean no not at all charles

like its only been like 5 months and i have told her that i want her and i love her and now she's with him charles

sry mate but jude is actually sound lando

shit ik he is that's what makes this worse charles

maybe he is better than me charles

oh charles mate don't be thinking like that lando

lando she's never going to take me back charles

you don't know that lando

she blocked me charles

oh lando

like how am i supposed to sort everything with her charles

maybe you still can lando

how....wdym? charles

write her a song lando

......are u being fr charles

well yes i was but forget it just trying to help lando

no no wait you might actually be right charles

ha your welcome lando

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vogue model y/n y/ln confirms relationship with footballer jude bellingham

liked by f1fan7282, kikagomez, georgerussell and 5,910,011 others.

user9292 ik we all knew BUT WHAT

f1fan charles is probably dying rn

user0 imagine fumbling the y/n y/ln

user0101 jude is one lucky guy

username78 she's still the IT girl in my eyes idc what ya'll say

f1lover girl it's only been a couple of monthssss like chilll

user627 ugh if only i was a rich model living in monaco

y/nlover wait this is acc so iconic

charlesleclerc my first single "i love you i'm sorry" from my debut album comes out tomorrow at 12pm est. i have put alot of work into this and i hope you guys enjoy it just as much as i enjoyed making it. music has always been an escape for me and a way for me to express my feelings so i felt that it was right to put this album out. love you all ❤️

liked by landonorris, lewishamilton, oscarpiastri and 10,729,819 others.

user879 this is actual insanityyyy like sir wdymmm

f1fan oh he's hurtttt

user929 okay okay ik we all know its about y/n but can we talk about how that is literally SIR LEWIS HAMILTON IN THE SECOND PIC TF?!

f1lover i feel like im living through a moment of history rn

lewishamilton love u brother had the best time working on this with you 🙌

16_charlie what can't u do???

user000 my divorced parents

anon screw y/n what a bitch

landonorris your welcome everyone (i encouraged him to write this album)

user727 ha this is why we love u lando !! username22 omgg no wayyy f1fan pls this is so on brand for him

taglist ⭑.ᐟ

@lottalove4evelyn

@llando4norris

@hadidsworld

@sweetestgirlintown111

@mxryxmfooty

@heavy-vettel

[notanupstandingcitizen]

girl wdym he's DEAD

this gonna sound wild but this october i was expecting to grief the death of james and lily and cry over the marauders and rip my heart out because of evan's death and gut myself to death bc "marlene mckinnon she was killed two weeks after this was taken" and drown myself bc regulus black

HOWEVER

i was NOT expecting to actually grief over the death of an ACTUAL real life person who i had an emotional connection with due to teenage delusion. im talking about liam payne's death and oh my god, im SO thrown off, like i cant process the fact that he's DEAD. yes he was an abuser and must NOT be forgotten and the way people have treated poor maya is NOT okay, but it still is so raw for someone to just die like that. i had not thought about liam payne in YEARS, i prefer louis, niall and harry's music, i lowkey hated on him bc of the maya controversy, but still walking into 8 am class rn (im in spain) and having my friend say "a one direction guy died" is such a cold way of finding out and just googling him name and the sentence "liam payne dead" being the first thing trending is messed up and just sad and unexpected

and on top of that i STILL will cry my eyes out over the marauders this month

[kibbits]

It’s been a while crocodile! How have you been? Keeping hydrated/medicated/fed I hope. Things been better lately for me. I got to ugly cry over the newest chapter of Epic the Musical and my Greek Mythology hyper fixation crossing in might as well been a train wreck.

I come with another question, What plays that the Bal!Boys have done or the kind of genre of plays that the Glamrocks would enjoy? (I just have this idea that maybe the boys when they’re on friendly terms with the others will do private shows after the pizza plex closes. So that way they can also enjoy the boy’s plays and bond with some of the kids coming out of the theater during the day because they can gush back and forth about the newest production.)

- ✨ Starry ✨

Starryyyy!!!!! I missed you!!! I've been thinking of you lately ahaha

I am, I am!! Need to drink more water but I've got some tea and snacks rn after spending the day outside in the sun! <33

Oooh!!! Adding it to The List! It's looking interesting!! And rip to double hyperfixation combo ghfglj I hope YOU'RE staying hydrated/medicated/well fed! Love when a piece of media makes me ugly-cry pff Oooh I got to rewatch Little Shop of Horror the other day!! Still amazing (Iiii am a deeentiiiist~)

Been pestered into working on a playlist for BaL!AU maybe : O It'll be my first playlist really

In typical Kibs fashion, answering your actual question under the readmore flkjgdk

I've thought about the first question for a while, actually! The answer changes every time pff I want to say maybe they used to do classics? But like. Fazbearified Classics. Like-- Fazbear™ Presents: Hamlet

...Except that the Glamrocks are busy doing their shows, so they had to slap cheap Glamrock costumes from the gift shop onto S.T.A.F.F. bots to play the roles dflkjldj Think the recent uuuh Wonka experience? whatever tf that was.

(God now I'm thinking about your hyperfixation and thinking of a S.T.A.F.F. bot greek chorus fjdjd)

They would absolutely do private shows! And encourage them to take part, too! For fun and also art/theatre therapy is a thing djdjd Also I'm gonna give genre/movies/plays examples, but I think for the renewal they often come up with their own plays! Like maybe they'll be given hamlet and it'll be a retelling instead of just. slapping the brand on it (Chica of the seaaaaa)

Anyway! I think that Monty is probably an obvious fan of action, comedy, maybe secretly a bit of romance and fairy tales? Not a fan of the classics though - or, like, not shakespearean for sure. Stories about misfits or monsters who end up loved is a sure way to get him emotional (he likes to play the big bad sometimes when they do a play together, it's fun when it's a role and not something that's slapped onto your reputation) (he would be a fan of Beauty and the Beast I think)

Roxy I think would like rock?? Like uuh I think she'd get into Little Shop or Horror or even Rocky Horror Picture show (i think her and Monty would get way into the music actually djdjd stomping along) She'd love things like Wicked too, I think. Her Chica and the celestial boys will have an 80s girls night sometimes fjfjf think Grease

Chica loves peppy, fun stories, like say Hairspray or Legally Blonde djdnd though she does love a sad story with a good ending. I think she would love anything soap opera like and get really into it pff Very gossipy and dramatic

Freddy is DEFINITELY a romantic, loves the classics, things like Singing in the Rain

Bonus: I think maybe after the massive improvement in the boys' uuuuh Suitability to Interact with Humans probably looks very promising to Fazbear Corporates. I think, maybe, the stage/theater can become a lucrative space to test bringing back more decomissioned bots... maybe a certain fox and bunny?

The boys cite the new revenue from the theater and the need for more main roles to get them to bring back Foxy at first (maybe even as something like Captain Hook??)

They're confined to the stage at first so even if something was 'wrong' they get minimal direct interaction with the actual humans until deemed safe/graduated from the theater. I think Foxy sticks around or maybe gets pirate cove back.

Bonnie's reveal kind of floors Freddy, oh boy (and of course they DO plan a dramatic reveal in a private show with Freddy, cause well they dont want Freddy to lose him twice so they work very hard to make sure everything is good to go/he won't be redecommissioned before revealing him at the climax of a play) They come up with an elaborate play for Bonnie, maybe something like Sleeping Beauty? (thanks Eyndr!) where they cast Freddy as the prince and he expects like. a S.T.A.F.F. bot in a wig, and instead he finds Bonnie trying not to laugh and snickering and it's the most beautiful thing he's ever seen and he bursts into tears (static??) immediately.

Both stick around. I like to think that Bonnie doesn't actually want to rejoin the band at this point tho hell be close to Freddy Chica and Foxy. Maybe he even takes over the daycare himself? For some reason I see him as this mellow tired art teacher/caretaker when he comes back for good.

I see Foxy as helping work out the kids' energy and hes a bit of a gremlin himself, scurrying like a gremlin like Moon and very loud and dramatic acting. And also YN is well versed in LARPing so he gets a very very padded, not sharp/dangerous hook with the core still solid enough to actually be used as a prosthesis.

Anyway ye!!! Acting is good for all of them, either to work out emotions, or for fun, or to learn new tools for their own work (setting up a character so that they can be free to be themselves in their off time without worrying about the bleed-through/to help set up work/free time boundaries), and I think they end up putting up plays for each other even! Also, all the movie nights.

Thanks so much for the questions aa!

See ya later, alligator!! <33

[swirlingyouintomypoems]

1x06 thoughts

Wait is that Kronos????bc like not what I was expecting but ok 

The entire time he’s talking to the person behind the door I’m like I KNOW WHO THAT BITCH IS LUKE I SEE YOU BITCH

Grover sticking his head out the top of the van is comedy gold he looks so silly 

“I got a signal” girlie you got a rainbow (ik it’s a signal but it’s funny ok) 

ANOTHER SEAWEED BRAIN IM GONNA CRY

“If you want the gods attention you have to pay for it” Luke is crying w pride rn

Can Luke stop looking so adorable and innocent it’s pissing me tf off 

“We know who the lightning thief is” ik he almost pissed himself 

“When did you turn into an old married couple?” Ok maybe he’s right abt one thing 

Grover talking abt how smart the animals are is so me omfg  

“They were really only missing like one piece of the puzzle to get the cages unlocked, thumbs😄” MY CHILD I LOVE YOU 

The whole lotus exchange between Percy and Annabeth THEY LYKE EACHOTHER🤭🤭🤭👀👀👀👀

Levitating was such a good song choice omg absolutely iconic 

Percy you’re so right the graphic novel of the odyssey DOES count 

WISE GIRL I HAD TO PAUSE IT AND SCREAM 

Grover’s just so resigned to third wheeling ugh I feel for him😭

The talk abt Luke’s mom I’m gonna cry rn 

Grover getting emotional over his uncle ugh I just wanna hug him 

“If I tell you smthing do you promise not to make fun of me🥺” “dude.” I am her she is me

“We’re friends of Luke’s” the way his fell ugh he knows and I’m gonna cry nothing is fair 

WHAT IS HAPPENING TO LITTLE BABY PERCY IN THAT FLASHBACK WHY IS HE SAD WHO HURT MY SON

His face when he says I remember Grover I’m dying 

“Wow Grover got really old, how long have we been in here?” IM CACKLING 

I have so many more but the rest are in separate posts and also I’m very tired😭I better wake up to yall having of found those two little shits bc I’m never gonna have the patience for that 

[imaginespazzi]

CHAPPTTTERRR NINI YAYAYAAY

- NIVI BBY i’ve missed you so so so much! i hope your vacation was fabtastic 💛

- “TW: Explicit Sexual Content” AHHH I BET UR LITTLE FREAKY ANONS SRE JUMPING WJTB JOY RN

- DAMN KK SIDED WITH DAD. i don’t like conflict this is making me sad

- THEM SAYING IT IN SYNC GOD 😭

- “I wouldn’t have cared,” Paige shrugs, “running suicides would have been worth it for an extra hour with you.” bitch, it’s suicide awareness month aren’t you supposed to be nice to me?

- AHHH SHE TOLD HER SHES GETTING THE DIVORCE!!?!!! Why are these freaks not confessing love rn

- “She’s confused when Azzi flinches, like a memory has just pinched her nerves.” THE PHONE CALL???? PAIGE RLLY DOESNT REMEMBER

- THESE BITCHES FUCKED??? yay them BUT YALL PLEASE COMMUNICATE

- OKAY BACJ TO THE NOW EEEEKK!!! don’t be shy paige go join azzi 🤗

- AWWW AZZI RIGHT YHERE READY TO KNOCK

- paige is a little freak with her short response… bitch say what u rlly want 😛😁

- S

- L

- U

- T

- S

- took them long enough

- “She’s always known exactly how to get Paige to shut the fuck up.” i laughed out loud

- “But there’s a part of Paige that had thought that there was no way Azzi could have missed her as much as she missed Azzi. Because missing Azzi had felt all consuming, like there was a constant noose around her neck that got tighter and tighter with every day that passed by” only you would turn them fucking into me being all sad

- stop azzi 🥹☹️ you’re gorgeous girl

- why the fuck am i crying rn.

- paige possessive little shit

- stop the left but you came back for the book joking around is actually making me cry because it’s literally them.

- STOP AZZI SAYING PAIGE ISNT HER DIRTY LITTLE SECRET🥹🥹 I JUST KNOW PAIGE NEEDED TO HEAR THAT

- “KATIE STOP LEAVE THEM ALONE

- The party,” Stephie cries out, “first you went to a party without me and then you had a sleepover without me. I can’t bel-ieve you guys would do that to me. Don’t you guys love me at all?” BYE IM CACKLING WHY IS STEPHIE ME… saying, oh so you hate me is my life motto😭😭 poor girl just wants a sleepover with her paige

- stephie really has paige wrapped around her finger azzi is gonna have to wrap her mouth in tape

- SLEEPOVER PT. 2?!?! where is paige sleeping is the question

- UGH LOVED THE NEW CHAPTER SO GOODDDD

- i am actually dying to find out more abt there actual break up

- ig my main question is abt like kk being upset with azzi was that her just being defensive of paige or has azzi not been talking to the others much?

-hey i finally stayed away from my cliff 🤞🤞

- sorry to say i don’t have rlly have questions and the short reactions today im so exhausted lol, HOWEVER im sorry happy you’re back and as always you’re my favorite evil genius

ily

🤩🤩

- BESTIE I LOVE YOU <3

- Lmao hopefully I've satisfied all the horniness now

- I am being nice to you....later in the chapter

- Ah you're the only person who caught that so far I think or at least who's told me they caught it. But no she does not in fact remember.

- LMAO the s l u t s killed me but yeah just a little bit. I mean can you blame them?

- Listen I couldn't make it all hot and sexy because I fear that's just not me so instead we got sappy emotional sex because you know it's me and that's all I know how to write

- Stephie's so valid for being upset like they really had a whole night without her and she's supposed to be their baby. #FreeHer

- There's been a couple of references but Azzi has actively avoided a lot of reunions and such so KK's anger is mainly from a place of missing her, not necessarily siding with Paige.

[lalunanymph]

Hiya, dawnie 💕 how r u??? I just finished reading the first chapter of family affair and i’m already so afraid of what gonna happen in the next chapter. I have to brace myself for the lies and heavy secrets y/n going to keep once she meets sae 🙃 I AM HURTING RN HAHAHAHUHUHU

On another note, my main agenda in this ask is to actually feed you another thought of mine: this is about ex-bf!sae who keeps visiting your apartment for the nth time, always with the excuse of wanting “closure” but you always end up doing something else 😳 *plays taylor’s the last time* heheheh

Stay safe and drink plenty of water! 😘

- 🍎

hihi apple nonnie !! oof our girl yn will be going through it for the next few chapters, thats for sure ૮₍˶Ó﹏Ò ⑅₎ა

OH. OH

ex-bf sae ..... oh god .... i can't function rn .... like the itoshi sae unable to let you go cause he wants you back but can't say it .... good lord I AM BITING MY FISTS. okay yeah, sure—

we all know sae is not one for emotions. he's not good at anything but soccer. his whole life is just one big green field until you came along and showed him what other colours look like. and he gets so attached like you have absolutely wormed your way into his soul. stolen it, in fact. and when you tell him it's over, bag in hand, about to leave his life, sae wonders why he never stopped you.

you become like a bad habit to him. like cigarettes, or alcohol. but the difference is, you kill him slower. every time you take him back for a few hours, only to close the door on him after it's all said and done...

honestly, he can't blame you because he wasn't there for you much in the first place. he taught you how to live without him by putting everything else on his list but you. the only one who should've mattered.

so, when you are inevitably about to break his heart again by asking him to leave, sae finds the courage to mumble, "i want to stay the night." but your sad eyes and sorrowful smile dash any of his hopes.

"i don't think it would be good for us."

"why?"

he comes to realise that he's now in the same position he once put you in. afraid, worried, anxious. ready for him to walk out on you anytime.

"i don't want to hurt anymore, sae," your soft voice hits him harder than any punch ever could. "and because... because i don't want to ever lose myself to keep you again."

[quarktrinity]

quark watches star trek season 1 episode 29

oh cool this is the last episode of season 1

uhura girlsplains private transmitters to kirk

weirdly colorful star map

why do they call other ships "he" i thought ships were girls

hey wasnt warp factor 8 super dangerous are we just cool with that now

kirk determined to save other ship flying into the sun i love this dude

some cryptic shit

k that dudes dead. bye

omg jims brother is on this planet :0

i just called kirk jim. i didnt even think about it. oh god.

uhura girlsplains private transmitters to kirk... 2!

kirk wants to see his family :(

this planet looks like the mopop in seattle. if u get it u get it

kirk looks nauseous with emotional vulnerability

insane violent dudes

omg they actually stunned them for once

something fucked ups going on here

kirk please you cant keep plunging crying womens faces into your tits eventually one of thems not gonna be cool with it

kirks brother is dead???

hahahahah he looks exactly like him

yeah hes dead

his nephews ok though

spock uses comfort! its not very effective. can they make out now

alright kirk you can do this. dont seduce your sister in law. i believe in you

her names aurelan im not sure thats a real name

aurelan dont make those noises

what are you talking about

this actress is determined to sound overwhelmingly horny when shes supposed to sound upset

some weird brain shit going on

"they"

evil brain creatures doing evil brain things to build ships?

horniest scream ive ever heard

uh rip aurelan i guess. congrats kirk you got through an episode with a hot girl without making out with her

kirk status: Repressing Sadness

are the aliens bees. they sound like bees

oh GOD

theyre like flying manta rays oh jesus. ok thats fucked

they look silly as shit but also the direction lets them be terrifying

SPOCK GOT MANTA'D

oh shit i think its in his brain

this is gonna be gay isnt it

anyone who thinks mccoy isnt kinda gay for spock is stupidly wrong

eugh its all up in his bod

alright theyre a little like bees

fight it spock fight it

"locate and restrain mr spock" very normal of u to say kirk

kirk pins spock to the floor. ok

i got bingo

spock u good

"i will be able to return to duty" i dont believe you

spock says i can just turn off my pain

"i need you, spock" DO YOU NOW, KIRK?

spock youre so possessed rn

yes scotty threaten his life

spock has Determination

"i am in complete control of myself, doctor" NO YOURE NOOOOT

kirk no dont believe him i know youre in love but you gotta use your brain i know you have one

sigh. ok spock try ur best to resist the evil brain things i guess

they look like those things from half life

theres so many oh god

cmon spock u got this

grabs u with my pinchers

mission successful thank god. manta ray thing kidnapped.

spock says fuck my own needs i am Useful

its a giant brain cell? thats super cool ngl

a lot of these aliens have really cool concepts and still look silly as shit

more mcspock sexual tension

kirk says computers good this time

"your affection for spock" DUDE

to spread brainpox or commit genocide. that is the question. kirk says no

star trek doesnt know that light is radiation

kill the brain mantas with light. ok

sorry we might have to blind you to free you from brain disease

spocks blind now

"these creatures are sensitive to light which we cannot see" you have described radiation. you said you tried radiation and it didnt work. dont do this to me

sorry spock we didnt need to blind you. its ok though he forgives us anyway

ULTRAVIOLET? THEYRE WEAK TO ULTRAVIOLET???? DO THEY KNOW THAT ULTRAVIOLET LIGHT EASILY BLINDS YOU????? DO THEY KNOW HUMANS ARE ALSO WEAK TO ULTRAVIOLET LIGHT??????? DO THEY KNOW THAT THIS IS LITERALLY WHAT RADIATION IS OH MY GOD IM LOSING MY MIND

exposing the entire planet to a giant blast of ultraviolet light is extremely dangerous and im not sure they know that. theyre gonna be so sunburned so many of them are going to get skin cancer

ULTRAVIOLET LIGHT ISNT RED

ugh. ok i guess the brain things are dead anyway. whatever

mcspirk is so real and true

spocks not blind anymore. hes fine now. vulcan stuff

"my first sight was the face of dr mccoy bending over me" WHAT

"tis a pity brief blindness did not increase your appreciation for beauty, mr spock" WHAT????????

MCSPIRK IS SO REAL AND TRUE

[mydysfunctionalvampirefamily]

Not still the leather trench coat 😂 I keep forgetting it's the 90s

Is there trouble in paradise?? Please tell me it isn't so. Or that we'll get a juicy argument between Johnny and Miles for it at least.

Miles rolling his eyes in annoyance at Zantosa coming through the sink because sits a reminder of his fuck up. Flawless.

Did romeo sent Vito away because he gave too much information? My interpretation was because he was such a creep.

Wynn, clench that fist girl, protect your girl!

Reece calling. 🤮

This is what I've missed! The coterie brings out a special strand of Miles' passive aggressiveness that is so good.

Damn Johnny is being kind of mean! "thank you, your grace" but I'll give him a pass, he's beasties with Whethers so I get it.

Did he, Miles? Did he agree to make Elsa Lyndon senechal or did he say you needed a life boon on her and then maybe... But that it was more important to make sure Reece was happy and not too offended? I feel like your spindoctoring your coterie. Which worries me, because of they don't know they can't help. I know you want to save face for Johnny rn but...

Noooooo! The daddies are fighting 😭😭 I know I said I wanted them to, but now that they are it makes me so sad. Johnny being so distrustful of Miles, Miles not having the grace to not push him rn. 😭

Also why does it feel like the most common reason for a frenzy check in this coterie is the others getting on their nerves. Lol

You know how you know shit is fucked up? When Wynn is the calm and reasonable one (again! I might add) this coterie would be lost without her, because no matter how old sometines you just need your mom.

The argument about Whethers is so clearly a conversation between an emotional man and a pragmatic man who are not hearing what they other is saying.

Buddy system!

Oh my God Miles!!! I love and am annoyed by you at the same time about the not driving an ugly car thing.😂

Miles: apparently I've never paid enough attention to Johnny to know where he lives. 😂

Say what you want, but detective Suarez is really good at this.

Did we even have camera phones in 1999???? I mean we must have because how else could Suarez take a picture. 1999 sounds so much like the old times though. Like people didnt even have colour screens for their phones yet. Beepers were going off legt and right like it is an episode of grey's anatomy.

It is so fun to annoy Miles, he takes the bait so well.

Not after all this mess Lex just saying os he still has the recording of your conversation and your picture 😂 I didn't even think of that.

[clownwoman]

So I went to see Priscilla tonight and my god, I am just full of emotions. It was so beautifully done, and to end it with Dolly Parton’s “I Will Always Love You” that was THE perfect song choice. I wanted to cry during scenes that weren’t even necessarily sad just because, and I’m going to be kind of vulnerable rn, I know exactly what it’s like to be so captivated by your love for someone even through deep sadness and to love that person more than anyone in the world and just have it consume you like that. Like I really don’t mean to sound like a cliche girl blogger but god do I understand her.

[tiredmamaissy]

update on the guy…i told you about earlier last week (?)….the one who i really liked but he kinda be hoeing around and stuff…i hope you remember (😕)

i finally mustered up the courage to tell him how i felt. not in person of course. i texted him (i’m just gonna tell you guys what i said cuz i want you guys to see how OPEN and EMOTIONAL i allowed myself to be with him)

“hey…if im being 100% honest with you, i truly approached you at after school on Friday because ive wanted to get to know you on a personal level for a little while now…and i truly did enjoy my time with you over the weekend but im getting mixed signals and i won’t stand for my time being wasted. im not experienced with these kinds of things and I really don’t want to be lead on, even if that’s not your intention here. i just want to know what im getting myself into before i devote too much time and effort into it. i want to be friends, but i also want to put it out there that I am attracted to you and i genuinely would like to see where…this could go, if you feel the same way. just tell me the truth. don’t sugar coat it.”

tell me that’s not the most sane, respectful confession you’ve ever seen. tell me i’m wrong. i tried to help him become aware of my boundaries, how i feel, and that i want him to stop bullshitting around with me. what more is there to say???? 😞

alright, i texted him this on tuesday evening, he texted me back really quick and was like “let me get back to you on that.” 😶😶😶😶 LET ME GET BACK TO YOU ON THAT? after i poured my feelings out to him, he REALLY put me on hold!! i really tried giving him the benefit of the doubt until he started avoiding me on campus? like i’m not fucking stupid, i can see when someone looks up at me and purposefully turns around, walking the other way.

last night i found out why he was doing this; the girl who sucked his dick at some party a few days ago? he fucked her Tuesday night RIGHT after i told him my feelings. how do i know this? all i’ll say is…word gets around.

so:

1. he was aware of my feelings for him and told me that he’d think about it, leading me to believe that he’d only be thinking about me.

2. he went out and fucked some other girl he’s not even DATING nor “talking to” right after telling me that he’d think about how he felt for me

i’m just…i’m angry, sad, literally every negative emotion??? i feel it rn. i dunno what to do 😭😭

hi love. i was hoping you'd give us an update and oh my god? this man is an asshole babe, like what??? he did what?? please :( you deserve better than this 😭 im really sorry that this is happening :/ and btw what you said was worded so well. very respectful and this man really had the audacity to put you on hold? is this a call center excuse me?

[pstelwitchcraft]

Critical Role - C3E52 (before break)

Its so weird to have just 4 people on the table I'm squirming

Poor Imogen just keeps taking L's man my girl can't catch a break

That little "please be okay" 🥺

Very worried about both imogen and laudna whenever they're separated but I guess that's precisely the point

And these are some damn good combinations

Already miss orym, ashton and laudna tho :(

I have a feeling the leylines are going haywire right now and that's why magic can't travel long distances

And/Or they're in the Shadowfell and it's hard for it to go to a different realm right now

Not even Dorian??? Yep, it's the leylines

I LOVE shoebills! Google their call, it sounds like a machine gun

Why do they keep getting attacked by subterranean monsters?? I swear it's a pattern at this point

Oooooo we're in a pretty snowy battlescape i love getting to fight in Santa's backyard

I love ashley's surprised little "ooooh! Oooh!" everytime she has to go

Yesss dominate beast!

Love how they always think matt's abominations are cute, i get it, it IS kinda cute

Damnit i thought we could get a pet :(

NO FCG! No, don't- don't do it- FUCK WHY

42 POINTS OF DAMAGE?? WHAT IN THE NAME OF-

Ya'll what if half the party TPKs. What then?

Imogen continues to be the hottest, like yes babe blow. Shit. Up

Yesssssss we have guests!!

It's Christian and Aabria!!!!!!!!

It's so cute all of them hugging 🥺🥺

Does this mean we're officially not gonna see the others until April??? Kinda sad I'm not gonna lie but I get it

These are COOL FUCKING CHARACTERS

Buff automaton 🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯

Nick Jonas spiritual weapon 🤣🤣🤣

The hottest legendary mage ever you heard it first here folks

Aabria is always so fun she's my girl too

I always get lost staring longingly at her tho

She's just so prettyyy

EXU was a doozy for my gay self with all the pretty makeup she had as a DM

It's going to be so fun to see FCG finally meet another automaton

Why do i get a feeling he's gonna be horny towards this buff robot? It's something in his eyes, he's plotting some bullshit

AAAAAND my girl fearne gets the hdywtdt

"Oooh, hello!"

I love her sm obliterate him queen

Old lover??? I love Deanna already 😍

Fcg and this robit rn:

Omg fcg is such a little shit stirrer

Fearne is gonna end up banging the new gnome isn't she

I feel like she's gonna bang the gnome

Oh it's been HUNDREDS of years??? I keep forgetting Chet is OLD old

I'm getting worried yall

The gods are being affected by this already?? A day ago??? I'm scareeed

I hate/love that flesh tongue is now canon, sams bullshit always gets carried away from even him i swear

The robot is a flirt 🤣🤣

The energy at the table right now is WILD

Not the HAT 😂😂😂 I am BAwLInG why is aabria so good at being a petty scorned lover 🤣🤣

Awn poor deanna 😞

This is gonna be awesome we now have this character that has been so close to divinity and can show them so much abt the perspective of life and death

Love the backstory dump

Feel like im walking around the hub in a videogame asking every NPC a 1000 questions

Oh my god this robot is so sweet 🥺🥺 i love him

Also VERY obviously sentient and emotional I'm SO interested to understand more abt the great awakening of the bots

Like, why would it happen? Who or what did this??

Oooooh that's what frida means??

I'm SO curious to know what FCG rrally means if anything

Love the cadence Christian gave this robot, i feel like the movements and voice are pretty monotone but not so much that it even feels robotic?? But it's still like something A.I would probably create? Like google translate voice but better.

Also I ship f.r.i.d.a and deanna a lot btw

Chet is going through it right now and honestly i feel like he deserves it 😂

FCG is such a little toddler trying to understand like and it never fails to be both adorable and terrifying

A killer robot with an existential crisis just does not feel good to me fellas

Love the confusing time frames at weekly d&d tables we really could be doing this for a month or a year we have no clue

Yall i'm nervousss there's GOTTA be another shoe about to drop

Like there HAS to be, right? It can't all be alright?? We saw shit blow up, we saw the key go off, so what happened?!

What do you mean imogen's scars are turning red???

[kimchokejin]

music tag games 🎶

is it cheating to put them all in one post when everyone’s doing it?

thank you to everyone who tagged me i had a full day’s worth of music recs to listen to and bts songs to revisit happy hondadays to ME!

game #1: using your spotify top 100 playlist, shuffle 10 songs and tag 10 people.

thank you @cordiallyfuturedwight @wistfulocean and @seoksao​ for the tag! 💕

i will give the number they were on my list as well

99. Jackie Onassis by Sammy Rae & The Friends

51. Wild Roses by Jack Van Cleaf

73. Stick Season by Noah Kahan

92. New Shapes (feat. Christine and the Queens and Carolin Polachek) by Charli XCX

80. First Thing to Go by Hayley Williams

70. Mic Drop (Steve Aoki Remix) - Full Length Edition by BTS

88. religion (u can lay your hands on me) by Shura

63. No Blueberries by DPR IAN, DPR LIVE, CL

89. Lights by BTS

8. Vibez by ZAYN

game #2 (sponsored by kim taehyung): 💛 choose an artist you like and use the name of their songs to answer this as close to the truth as possible!

tagged by @cordiallyfuturedwight @jiminsproof @blueside-hobi @wistfulocean @seoksao​ thank you you guys are so creative these were so fun to read!

name of the artist: Halsey (it was working too well i had to go for it)

what is your gender: I am not a woman, I’m a god (“i’m god” - kim taehyung)

describe yourself: Ashley (you don’t need to be entertained. i’m entertaining myself)

how do you feel: Alone (but in a good way, an “i needed this” way 😌)

if you could go anywhere, where would it be: Roman Holiday

describe your best friend: Darling 🥰

your favourite time of day: 3am

if your life was a tv show, what would it be called: Still Learning

what is life to you: Hurricane, Heaven in Hiding

relationship status: Bad at Love 😬

what do you fear: Strangers (”i’m a little shy” - kim taehyung), Devil in Me (”i’m a bad boy” - kim taehyung)

game #3: share your top 5 current songs

tagged by @clutterbugs thank you emma!!! i feel like i get to use the free space in scrabble

1. Kiss in My Heart by Junk Fujiyama

i discovered this song a while back on a city pop playlist i think? and it’s been stuck in my head recently (even before indigo!) so i’ve been playing it. it’s just a fun happy song, it sounds like the artist is smiling as he’s singing it

2. ILLELLA by MAMAMOO

another super fun song and i didn’t think it was possible but i am gayer because of it. i have so many feelings about this i will have to hold myself back but i am v i b r a t i n g something’s about to break

3. girl like me by Blessing

this song is acoustic but i think also r&b influenced? i like how the lyrics are somewhat specific but the insecurity is she’s talking about is still super relatable to a lot of people and the singer’s voice is kind of unique

4. complex (demo) by Katie Gregson-MacLeod

this song is just kinda heartbreaking tbh at the end of the day it’s your typical woman trying to “save” a man who's too far gone to spare her a second thought story but the vocals really carry the emotion across in a way i don’t hear all the time so i think it’s worth a listen if you...want to feel sad

5. Ketchum, ID by Julien Baker, Phoebe Bridgers, Lucy Dacus

i have been in a folksy mood lately and i think a few julien baker/phoebe bridgers/lucy daucus songs came up in my listening and that reminded me about this album. this is my favorite song from it. i think the line “i am never anywhere anywhere i go, when i’m home i’m never there long enough to know” is just really hitting for me rn? i also can’t get over how this is the last song on the album they ended the whole album with

BONUS GAME! i wasn’t tagged in this but i wanted to share this while i’m here in case anyone was interested in doing this for themselves. if you have spotify this bot will judge you for your music taste. it’s like the anti-spotify wrapped. this is what they had to say about mine:

i will tag @joon-rkive, @cheekyquokka, @mutedstring​, @jinsquishes​, @senor-hoberto​ and anyone who tagged me in one game but hasn’t been tagged in one of the others (does that make sense?). no pressure just if any of the games interest you 💕 feel free to ignore me!!!

[schrodingers-hoarding-problem]

TOH S3 E3 Thoughts

I don't wanna just spam a ton of thoughts so here they all are

BITCH WTF IS GOING ON

girl were are we

so here I was already freaking tf out because wtf is going on with everyone im only like 4 minutes in AND THEN HUNTER WITH THE HUGE CRACKED STATUE OF FLAPJACK????? babes I can't do the

shoutout to my bestie luz, that fangirl really knowledge really came in clutch

maybe its just me but this show always has such cool titles. watching and dreaming? hell yeah you know you are getting a good story with a title like that

noooo I forgot about Raine someone save them I can't be seeing this my heart hurts

also the collector is a baby. idc what horrible things he's done he's like a toddler and just needs some parenting ok

dnfakljdsflasdjf raine is fighting back

nooooo baby (the collector is so sad :(((( poor baby)

MY BABY (bitch I was not expecting his backstory to be so sad wtf)

babes no I am not gonna cry over this show so stop fucking talking about being alone

yoooo Raine my bestie! they pushed out belos!!

noooo bestie

wtf wtf wtf wtf

ok ok good the squad woke up

lmao the graffiti "bad word" "owls r dumb" 10/10 insults

oh no

BELOS WTF IS THIS

babyboy no. kindness and forgiveness yes but belos is just a bit too far gone

AAAASAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH WTF WTF LUZ NO

babes no im actually gonna cry wtf was that

like realistically ik she can't die she's the fucking main character BUT IM STILL GONNA CRY

AND HER MOM IS CRYING AS A FUCKING PUPPET

im having way more of an emotional reaction than I thought I would and I can't even put it into words

something you have to understand is I do not cry. like in general I don't express my emotions very well but there are actual tears in my eyes

AND LUZ'S LINE ABOUT I SHOULD HAVE THANKED THEM??????? killing me

WTF

ayyy non-binary/gender-fluid king's dad

yes that Camila sense and comfort is what we all need

no no stop the collector cannot get corrupted

NOOOOOOOO MY BABY COLLECTOR

!!!! that's so fucking cool

luz you are an icon

character design really popped off with this one

mmmm yes the found family fighting unit

oh my god oh my god oh my god pls pls pls raeda reunion

literally fuck disney I needed so much more of raeda

wow. I have actual goosebumps from after belos was defeated

wow. idk how they do it but that sense of wonder(?) and peace/relief? executed amazingly

bitch tf are you even trying now. we know that was no curse

GET CURB-STOMPED FUCKER

awww I loaf you that's adorable

ayyy lili & Steve I've decided they are bffs

awwwwwwwwww Darius being hunter's family!!!!!! and hunter showing off his shirt!!!!!! yes!!!! give me more

all the reunions are so cute but Eda being so nervous to meet camilla and then being pulled into a hug is amazing

ayyyy hooty is back! (amity's reaction tho lmao)

AHHHHHHH king & collector bff agenda is back on "I hope I see you again" ARE YOU KIDDING ME

yes I have decided the collector is my baby and I would die for them

and oh I love that Eda & Raine are just being together and finally resting in the background

babes ik you are saying a chapter is over, but you better still be visiting the demon realm

also im prepared for a time skip, the narration has been pretty obvious that's what it's leading to

yup I was right

she's going to college????

also hell yeah vee & luz the noceda twins graduating

big fan of the polaroids (is that an amity undercut I see???)

ayyyyyyy thank god. magic college lol

also I fully read Boiling Isles History as Bi history lol

also luz is kinda giving gender envy rn (especially cause current her is only like a few months older than me now)

!!!!!!! the portal house

nooo now im gonna get a bittersweet feeling from these last few minute dana how could you do this to me

WAIT .. hunter carves palisman now???

also hell yeah willow's new look is amazing

shut the fuck up you cannot do this to me. why would you do this

(that was about flapjack's grave. bestie I already cried over this ep do not show me that with the fucking "thank you for finding me" inscription)

ayyyyy curator hooty and museum (owner? architect? idk) lili

bitch I am in love with amity's new look

I honestly might get that haircut if I wasn't already planning on a shorter androgynous style one

YO they can remove the sigil now!!

!!! Darius + alador?? here for it

yooo emira's hair too

ooo gus teaching, I approve

YES. headmaster eda I love that

wait that's so fucking cute??? king-ceañera? amazing

lmao the pain-yata

new glyph language!!

besties I am about to be so inconsolable about this

[etherealxwitch]

andy… i don’t care how many times you hear me say this, this fucking fic is one of the best things i have ever read in the entire existence of books or fics. the way you capture emotions of the characters and are able to draw such a vivid picture of the scenes, my god. i am so sad to see it end, but i am so proud of you and i’m so honored that i got to say i read this fic! i love you sm and i cannot wait to see what else you have in store for us readers!

(long reactions below)

“you and steve will be okay.”

DO YOU HEAR ME SOBBING?????

of course eddie saw steve and readers house the night before and thinks the worst! i wanna smack him on the back of the head (lovingly)

EDDIE HAS TEARS IN HIS EYES???? PLS NO

“I could never leave you.”

okay abandonment issues is getting some reassurance rn, thank you

eddie is so stubborn!!! if he doesn’t shut up and listen

THERES A PICTURE OF EDDIE IN THE LOCKET? ANDY PUHLEASE!!! I AM GOING TO START SOBBING AGAIN

SHE LOVES EDDIE SHE LOVES EDDIE SHE LOVES EDDIE (i am totally jumping up and down by the way)

EDDIE LOVES HER EDDIE LOVES HER EDDIE LOVES HER (still jumping up and down)

“then make me yours”

oh my god! oh my god!

“Gonna make you mine, sweetheart.”

why am i blushing???

“And guide me if you want”

JESUS FUCKING CHRIST ANDY

“You have such a pretty cock, Eddie,”

HELL YEAH HE DOES!!!

EDDIE CALLED READER A GOOD GIRL AND I MELTED

READER PLAYING WITH EDDIES BALLS AND HIM WHIMPERING??? SIGH ME UP RIGHT FUCKING NOW

“I’m going to make love to you, baby.”

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE

“My beautiful girl,”

IM KICKING MY FEET AND GIGGLING

reader and eddie holding hands while making love???? IM EMOTIONAL

THE FUCKING AFTERCARE? ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

why can i vividly picture eddie screaming into his pillow

waking up to eddie cooking breakfast for you sounds like a dream come fucking true

not wayne saying finally omg

“well, welcome to the family, sweetheart.”

oh okay let me just cry again

steve came to say goodbye again???? how many times have a cried now?

steve and reader have come so far and i’m so proud of them

“And even then, he knows that you will always linger.”

nope, i’m not crying at my favorite fic in existence being over. why would i do that? huh? it’s not like it’s one of the best things that have ever blessed my eyes (it is always will be)

I knew you'd linger like a tattoo kiss | part 30

Warnings: 18+, MDNI. angst in the beginning, hurt/comfort. smut, unprotected sex, oral (male receiving).

Pairings: Eddie Munson x fem!reader | past Steve Harrington x fem!reader

Word count: 14k+

Summary: For the first time in your life, you fight for what you want and don't let slip through your fingers.

A/N: @hellfire--cult ROE, I don't know how to thank you for being such a big help with ideas and editing (especially in this chapter and in chapter 27) but I'd literally bake the best cake for you. thank you so so much, ilyyy 🫶🏻

series masterlist

-

The evening sun shines down on the trailer park, leaving an orangy pink cast on everything the sun rays touch. Your skin feels warm but your hands are shaking and your heart is pounding, not from fear but from excitement. You look down at yourself, at the sundress you bought on your shopping trip with Robin, last week. A smile tugs at your lips, she told you that Eddie will like the dress. 

You’ve been waiting for this moment all day and the closer you get to his trailer, the giddier you feel. You can’t wait to see him, to feel him, to kiss him. 

Despite what happened with Steve, you can’t help but feel happy even when a part of you is still feeling the sadness. 

It took some time to get your thoughts back in order and to calm the anxiety that took hold of you. You were scared that you had lost him for good this time, but when you walked back into your room and started cleaning the mess, you eyed every item that once belonged to him, you looked at the pictures that you had taken of him, the ones that were taken of the two of you together, ones from your childhood, ones from your early teens, ones from your relationship and ones that were taken recently, despite the heartbreak, the sadness, the goodbye that was shared earlier, you realized that you would be okay, that you would find your way back to each other because the bond that you share is one of a kind, a friendship like yours cannot be broken, no matter what. 

You and Steve will be okay. 

The gravel crunches beneath your shoes and the tires of your bike as you’re pushing it along next to you. You’re gripping the handlebar tightly as you run your fingers through your hair. 

You see his van first, it’s parked in front of the trailer. 

Wayne’s car is missing, he must be at work already. 

Your heart skips a beat when your eyes find him. 

Eddie is sitting on his doorstep, staring up at the pink sky. A cigarette in between his lips, he seems to be lost in his thoughts, not noticing you yet. 

You can’t fight the smile off your lips when you take in the sight of him. He looks so pretty. Your heart starts pounding faster. 

He is wearing the Megadeth shirt that you had gotten him a while back. 

He takes a drag from his cigarette before he stubs it out in the ashtray next to him. He blows out the smoke and stands up, he is about to turn around and walk back into the trailer when he sees you. 

He blinks, staring at you with an unreadable expression on his face. 

You are too happy, too excited to notice the sadness in his eyes, the dark circles beneath them. 

Your heart flutters in your chest and your hands itch to touch him. You drop your bike on the grass, not wanting to waste any more time, you rush towards him and jump into his arms and hug him tightly. 

“Hi,” you whisper against his chest, still smiling with your eyes closed. You breathe him in and press yourself against him. You don’t see the way his brows furrow, the way his eyes flash with confusion, you don’t even notice how long it takes for him to hug you back. You’re in a daze, just happy to be in his arms again. 

“Hey.” 

He wraps his arms around you, though he doesn’t hug you back as hard as you hug him. He leans his chin on the top of your head though, a sigh falling from his lips. 

“I missed you.”

Did you? He wants to ask. 

Did you miss him when he was with you? 

But he stays quiet, despite the anger, the sadness, and the heartbreak he feels – he felt all night. He stays quiet for now. 

He knows why you are here. 

Not because you want him. Not because you want a repeat of what you did the night before.

You pull back and look up at him, your eyes are shining with happiness, and the smile on your face is so bright, so beautiful. Though it’s not meant for him, is it? No. Only one man can make you this happy. Only one man can put that smile on your face. Only the one you spent your night with, the man that wasn’t him. 

You take his hand in yours, intertwining your fingers with his. 

He can’t take this. His heart can’t take this. He can’t even look at you without wanting to cry, knowing what you’re about to do. So he turns around and he walks back into the trailer, he pulls you in, squeezing your hand before he lets go. 

You’re still so blinded by your own happiness to notice anything. You just follow him inside and close the door behind you, still smiling, still beaming as you look at him, at the back of his head. 

He runs his fingers through his messy curls before he turns around. 

“Are you here to tell me that you went back with Harrington?” 

You blink at his words. 

It takes you a moment to understand his question or to notice the look on his face. 

The anger in his features, the downturned lips, the redness in his eyes. Your heart drops, aching in pain when you realize that he had 

Your smile falls, slowly as your face scrunches up in confusion. Your chest suddenly not feeling as light as it did just moments ago.

“Huh?”

He scoffs, shaking his head at you. 

“Sweetheart, I saw his car in your driveway last night. And I saw the shadows in your room, I can take a hint.”

Your blood runs cold, your heart starts pounding for different reasons now. 

Your eyes widen at his words as you start shaking your head at him. 

“No– wait, he did come over, but it’s not like that,” you say as you step closer to him, frowning. “Wait, you came by yesterday?” 

He clenches his jaw, looking away from you as he takes a step back. 

“Listen, I– I uh, I need time… I can’t really deal with this, right now.” 

You can see the tears in his eyes, the ones he is trying to blink away, the ones he is trying to hide from you. 

“Eddie, listen to me, just for one second–”

“I don’t need to listen to you! I knew I didn’t have a chance for fucks sake, I knew that I never would if he decided to come back and make things right, once and for all.” 

Your eyes start burning again. You look up at him in disbelief. 

He made up his mind about it all without talking to you first. You understand him, you really do. You wouldn’t be any different if you were in his position. But it hurts to find out how he thinks about himself. Because how can he think so little about everything that he is? How can he think he is not worthy? When he is the greatest man and person you’ve ever met. 

“No chance? I– Eddie, yesterday–”

“Yeah, and then I saw Steve Harrington’s amazing, polished BMW outside your house. Like I said, I can take a fucking hint.”

You shake your head again, biting back tears as you step closer to him. Annoyance and anger rushing through you when he doesn’t let you speak. 

“Are you going to let me talk!?”

“Why!? Why would I let you do that!? Do you even know how I–” he pauses, taking a deep breath, he turns away from you, raising his hand, he runs it through his hair. It’s shaking from all the anger inside of him. He sighs as he tries to calm down. “And it makes me so fucking angry that even when you hurt me like this, I still can’t leave your side. Fuck, I thought about it–”

The tears that you kept blinking away blur your vision. Your heart drops like it never did before and your eyes widen at his words. 

“You… thought about leaving me?” You ask, not even recognizing your own voice. It’s thick with tears, shaky and so small. 

You look away from him, you tilt your head down, looking at nothing as you get lost in your mind. 

He wanted to leave. 

Eddie wanted to leave you. 

Someone is leaving you again.

Someone is not choosing you again. 

Someone decided that you’re not good enough, again. 

Someone – Eddie, who you love with all your heart, is going to leave. Someone you thought would never even think about it. 

Your heart shatters at the thought of it. 

You can’t lose him. 

What will you do without him? 

What will you be without him?

Suddenly, you don’t feel as determined as you did before. The happiness that you felt is all gone and your heart is on the brink of shattering, once again. 

You want to turn around and walk away because you can’t stand this, you can’t stand to see him leave. 

You want to run. 

Eddie can see the way your bottom lip is shaking, the way your lashes keep hitting your cheeks as you blink so rapidly. It makes him feel guilty knowing that you’re about to cry because of him.

“I thought about it. I could never fucking do it, no matter what the hell you do to me. I could never leave you. Shit, you could break my heart over and over again and I’d still be here.” 

No matter what. 

You look up at him with blurry eyes and a racing heart. 

He can’t leave. He can’t leave you. No matter the circumstances. He won’t leave you. 

Steve left you, there was no reason for him to leave, but he did. He left you. 

But Eddie won’t leave. He’d rather hurt and get his heart shattered than leave you. 

You think about what Heather said to you, yesterday. 

You think about your interaction with Nancy, about the things she had said to you about Eddie. 

You think about your Mom’s words. 

You think about Steve, about how you didn’t fight for him when you wanted to, about how you just accepted it. 

You won’t do it with Eddie. 

So, instead of taking a step backwards, you take a step towards him, ready to change the course of your feelings, the course of your mind, and the course of your future. You step towards him ready to fight for what you want, selfishly. 

And you sniffled as you willed your tears away. 

“It’s time you listen to me–”

“No–”

Anger sparks inside of you as you look into his stubborn eyes, and you couldn’t contain yourself any longer. He needed to listen to you, he needed to because you won’t lose him, you won’t let him turn his back on you, and so– You raised your voice at him.

“You are a fucking hypocrite, Munson! Telling me I run away, now look at you! You don’t even let me talk! You wanted me to talk about my feelings yesterday night. Now you’re going to fucking listen!” 

Eddie is stunned. He stares at you with wide eyes, unable to form a sentence or even speak a single word. He never heard you yell, or cuss at him, you never called him by his surname. And you sure as hell, never looked at him with anger before. 

You take a deep breath. 

“He– Steve did come to my house last night. I also thought that he was there to make my life complicated again.. but.. he came to – he came to make it easy. To make me happy.. To say goodbye.”

Eddie tilts his head, furrowing his brows at your words. He watches the way your lips tremble, the way your glassy eyes stare up at him desperately. 

“He came to let me go, Eddie. He beat me to it.”

“Beat you to it?” He shakes his head. 

“I was gonna go to his house today. I needed to let him go. To finally cut that rope between the two of us.. And like I said, he beat me to it.”

Eddie is trying to process your words in his head, though he can’t make sense of them, he is lost, more lost than ever. He purses his lips, tilting his head even further. 

“I’m a little lost here.”

You sigh, only now noticing how nervous you really are when you feel your hands shaking harder than before. 

You’re scared. You’re scared of losing him. And you could go on and on, give him words that will confuse him even more, but instead, you do something else. Something you’ve been wanting to show him since yesterday. Something that you held close to your heart and never realized why. Something that even you took your time in understanding the reason as to why it is here. 

You look down and place your hand on the locket around your neck. 

“I– I wanted to be happy. I always thought that my happiness would be with him, planning a future together.. And I’ve known for a while that.. that I didn’t see Steve in my future anymore.” 

You take the necklace off, taking a shaky breath as you look at the locket. You raise your head and look back at him. You step towards him and take his hand in yours, placing the locket in his palm. 

He stares at you with widened eyes, confusion still lingering in them. And then, he looks down at the locket in his hand, at the one he always stared at, wondering what picture you had carried inside of it – deep down, he knew that it was a picture of Steve. 

But as he opens it, he finds out that it’s not. It’s not a picture of Steve. 

It’s a picture of him. 

His lips part and his breath hitches in his throat.

All this time, you carried a picture of him inside this locket? A locket that Steve gave you months ago? A locket that was gifted by the person you cried for?

You stare at him with shaky hands and tears in your eyes. You have never been more afraid than you are now. You have never done this before. You have never confessed your feelings in that way, so explicit and raw. And a part of you wants to turn heel and run to save yourself from rejection. 

But for Eddie, you will push through your nerves and embarrassment. 

“As soon as I got it, I cut your face from a picture we took at the carnival and put it inside.. Took me a while to realize why I did it without hesitation though..” You giggle, nervously. 

Eddie’s eyes well with tears as realization slowly dawns on him. The anger starts to dwindle and his heart feels lighter, happier again, after all the tears he had shed last night, thinking that you chose Steve, that he was just a meaningless thing you wanted to touch for once before going back to him. 

He looks back at you and finally, he notices the look in your eyes. A look he never noticed before because of his fear. A look he never thought he would ever get from you because it was the same one you directed towards Steve. A look that maybe if he had thought a little bit better of himself, he would have noticed way before. 

“Sweetheart, w-what–”

“I love you, Eddie. More than just my best friend,” you whisper, shakily. 

Eddie freezes. He is staring at you in shock. 

Did you really just say that to him?

You choose him. You love him. 

At the lack of answer you couldn’t help but feel like running again, the fear of rejection settling in deep in your gut, but your heart flipped it off and your heels dug in the ground even harder than before, not letting you go anywhere.

“And– if you don’t.. just give me some time, because I can’t live without you, Eds. I really – I can’t see anybody else in my future in that way that’s not you. I really can’t so– I will try and try..”

His mind still needs a moment to process your words, he is still in disbelief. Everything he thought he lost, is right here, right in front of him. His broken heart is mended, gone is the sadness, gone is the pain, all there is is the love he wanted to set free and show to you. 

“B-But if there is still a chance then I will wait.. I will wait for you and I will fight for you – for us.” 

You are still rambling, not giving him the chance to speak. 

He can’t stand to see you with tears in your eyes any longer, so after putting the necklace on the counter, he steps forward, with a racing heart, he takes a step closer to you and he cups your cheeks and he slams his lips against yours, taking your breath away with a kiss he had craved since last night. 

Your heart screams in joy the moment you feel his lips moving against yours. 

But you are frozen in place, staring at him with wide eyes. Your heart is beating so fast, you don’t even know how to react, what to think, what to do because just seconds ago, you thought that you were losing him, that he was about to reject you, tell you that he doesn’t feel as strongly as you do, that you would have to turn around and leave with a broken heart.

You are still staring at him, not blinking, not moving. 

But you can feel him. 

You can feel the softness of his touch, you can feel his hands on your cheeks, you can feel his lips moving against yours so gently. 

His hands move down to your waist and he pulls you closer and closer until you’re flush against him, you feel his heart pounding in his chest and only then do you snap out of it. 

Eddie is kissing you, he is kissing you again. 

You won’t leave with a broken heart. 

Not this time.

You close your eyes, you wrap your arms around him and you melt into the kiss so effortlessly.

Your heart keeps pounding, your stomach flutters just the way it did, last night, if not even more. 

He sighs in content, squeezing your waist as he deepens the kiss. 

Eddie is so desperate to feel you, to kiss you harder and harder, needing to feel you more and more. 

He can’t believe the words that you have said to him. He can’t believe that the girl he loves with all his heart loves him back and wants him just the way that he wants her. He can’t help but smile against your lips, despite the lack of air that is getting to him, he kisses you even harder as he backs you up against the kitchen counter. 

You whimper against his lips as you tangle your hands in his hair, pulling at his curls. 

“I need you to repeat what you just said to me,” he murmurs against your lips, pecking your lips again and again. 

You open your eyes to look into his, giggling. “Everything?” 

He smiles fondly, tucking your hair behind your ears, he caresses your cheek, “No, just that one part.”

The look in his eyes is so different from the one before. They’re soft, his features are now filled with nothing but happiness, and his smile widens when you peck his lips. 

You can’t even begin to describe the feeling in your chest the longer you look at the man you love. 

“I love you,” you whisper. “I love you so much, Eddie Munson.” 

Eddie doesn’t know whether to scream in joy or to cry in happiness. He grasps you harder, blinking away the tears that welled up in his eyes from your confession. 

“Holy shit.” Kiss. “I can’t believe this is real.” Kiss. “I love you.” Kiss. “I love you so much, princess.” 

Your gaze softens, and your eyes burn with tears, though this time, it’s happy ones. 

His words are so genuine, so real. 

He looks at you in a way that makes you feel seen. 

He holds you in a way that makes you feel safe. 

For the first time in your life, you feel like you can genuinely let yourself fall. Because even when Steve felt love for you as he said he did, it was never like this, never this unconditional. 

Eddie wraps his arms around you and he pulls you in, he hugs you so tightly, almost crushing you in his arms, he kisses the top of your head as he runs his fingers through your hair. 

“You don’t have to wait. You don’t have to – I have loved you from the first moment you sat next to me and cried on my shoulder. I just – I just thought, man – this girl can love.. this girl really knows how to love, that hooked me to you, sweetheart.” 

A tear falls from your eyes when realization rushes through you, that his feelings aren’t newfound, it’s not something that he just discovered, it’s something that had always been there.

He loved you from the very first moment. 

He loved you when you still loved Steve. 

He loved you even when you still pined after him. 

He loved you and still told you that you and Steve might get back together in the future. 

He loved you and still let you go on a date with another man. 

He loved you and he still let Steve into the friend group, all while knowing that he might lose you to him. 

He loves you. 

Eddie loves you so much that he would rather get hurt than ever hurt you. 

Your tears fall harder when you think of all the times he was hurting because of his feelings for you. 

You pull back and tilt your head up, looking at him with your tear-filled eyes. 

“I hurt you, I-I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

His eyes soften when he sees the guilt and the sadness in your eyes, the tears that roll down your cheeks. He shakes his head at you, wiping them away as he leans in to kiss your lips – something he thought he would never get to do again after last night. 

“I get to hold you like this now, I get to tell you that I love you. I get to kiss you, I get to make you mine, sweetheart. It was worth the wait,” he says to you with all his heart. 

You smile through your tears and you lean in again, “then make me yours, Eddie. Please, I want to be yours.”

Eddie feels like he is in a dream, to get to hear these words from you, to get to hear those special, magical words falling from your lips make him the happiest man alive. This is all he ever wanted. You. Your love. For you to reciprocate the feelings that had always been there for him. 

He can’t believe that this is real, that you want him in that way, that last night wasn’t just sex for you, that it was more than that. He can’t believe that you are desperate for him, that you’re standing here in front of him, begging for him to make you his. 

But it’s real, so very real. 

He wraps his arm around your waist and leans down, hooking his left arm behind your knees and picking you up with ease. He smiles when a squeal leaves your lips. He kisses your cheek as he begins walking. 

“What are you doing?” You giggle as you hold on tightly to him. 

“Gonna make you mine, sweetheart.” 

His words would make your knees buckle if you were still standing. 

Excitement rushes through you when he carries you into his room, slamming the door with his foot. He sets you back down on your feet, grinning at you when he cups your cheeks again, not wasting a second before he slams his lips back to yours, unable to fight the smile off his face when you moan against him and desperately cling to his body. 

His hands find their way to your back, he pulls you closer and closer until there’s no space between you two. His palm slides down, further and further until it rests on your butt, he can’t even hold himself from grabbing a fistful of it, causing you to moan again. 

Your fingers rest on the back of his neck, you’re pulling at his hair, kissing him deeply, desperately. You feel his tongue on your bottom lip and you instantly part your lips more for him. 

He groans into the kiss when your tongue meets his and your hand slides down his stomach, making his heart flutter and his skin tingle. He wants you, god, he wants you just like he had you last night. 

He wants to worship your body, leave no inch unkissed. He wants to show you just how much he fucking loves you. 

But you want to do the same. 

You want to feel him, fully. 

You reach for the hem of his shirt, only breaking the kiss to tear it off of him. The second his shirt hits the floor, your lips are back on his. 

The kiss is desperate, filled with lust but most importantly, it’s filled with raw feelings, it’s filled with love. And you don’t know whether to smile or cry in joy because you got what you wanted so so much. 

His hands are gentle on your skin despite the desperation behind his touch, he is still so gentle and soft with you. 

You break the kiss when the lack of air gets to you, breathing heavily as you press your lips to his again and again, smiling when he looks at you with awe in his eyes. His fingers dig deep into your butt as he starts to push you towards his bed. 

He bites his lip, looking you up and down, hands moving up to your waist as he plays with the thin material of your sundress, “that’s such a pretty dress, sweetheart.”

You giggle, blushing at the way he’s looking at you. 

“I bought it just for you.”

His eyes widen at your words. 

You were thinking about him when you bought it?

A shy smile is playing on your lips, one that is enough to make him melt into a puddle. 

Your cheeks heat up the longer he stares at you like this. You use his distraction to push him down on his bed, placing your hands on his shoulders, and then you step in between his legs. 

He looks so pretty like this, with his cheeks flushed, his hair laying so messily on his shoulders, his pale skin that looks so perfect, you want to kiss every inch of it, you want to show him how much you love him. 

“Do you like it, Eddie?” You whisper as you shudder at the feeling of his hands gripping your hips. 

He licks his lips, nodding his head, “I fucking love it, sweetheart,” he whispers as his hands move up and down your sides. “I love everything about you,” he says so genuinely and honest as he looks at your body, his eyes tracing your beautiful face, your skin, your lips, your nose, your eyes that he loves so much, your hair, and the rings you wear on your fingers, the ones you never took off ever since he had gotten them for you. 

You stand in front of him, looking like the prettiest angel that has graced this world. His heart is beating so wildly in his chest, it’s so full of love and joy. 

He snaps out of his thoughts and his eyes widen when you get down on your knees in front of him. 

You lay your palms on his thighs and slide them up, moving closer to him, you reach for the cuffs on his belt and you start to undo them. 

“Sweetheart, w-what–”

“Let me do what I wanted to do last night. And guide me if you want, I want to learn what you like, Eds.”

To see the girl he loves kneeling before him, tugging at his belt and the button of his jeans, desperate to feel him, desperate to touch him, to taste him, to make him feel good makes him feel like he’s gone to heaven. 

“Please, Eddie. Let me,” you whisper with a pout on your lips as you tug on his jeans. Nervousness lingering inside of you and yet you feel eager to show him how much you want him, how much you crave him, not just sexually but emotionally. You want him to feel good, you want him to feel pleasure and you want him to feel your devotion and your love for him. 

Holy shit. 

He blinks, gulping as his dick strains uncomfortably against the rough denim. 

Who is he to deny you? To deny something he dreamed of at night since forever?

With your help, he takes his jeans and boxers off, pushing them down his legs hastily. He stares at your eyes, at the way they flash with lust when his dick springs free, hitting his pelvis. 

“You have such a pretty cock, Eddie,” you purr and glance up at him lovingly. 

He is big, you already knew it, you already felt it. You knew that you would struggle to take all of him, but your mouth only waters even more at the thought of him hitting the back of your throat. His tip is an angry red, already leaking with pre cum and suddenly, your lower stomach tightens, your skin begins to tingle and you can’t wait to feel him inside of you again. 

You feel excited for this new and raw feeling. Something you didn’t let yourself enjoy before because you never felt as comfortable as you do with Eddie. 

Not only did you express yourself in words, something you have never done before. You surprised yourself even. 

Your reaction now surprising you even more, the way you have to press your thighs together, bite back whimpers despite not feeling any pleasure at all, yet. 

All because of Eddie – because of what is doing to you. 

He watches the way you bite your lip, the way your pupils widen as you wrap your hand around him– that is enough to make him moan. A simple touch from you and he is gone. 

He watches with wide eyes as you lean forward, licking your lips before you press the tip of your tongue against the underside of his cock and lick a stripe up his length with a moan. 

“O-Oh, holy shit,” he gasps, gripping the bed sheets beneath him. 

You giggle at his reaction, taking him by surprise again when you spit down on his dick, using it as lubrication to jerk him off.

Eddie’s brows furrow and his eyes darken as he stares down at you in awe. He didn’t expect you to spit on him like this, he always expected you to be a little clueless when it comes to this, knowing that you and Steve didn’t really do much except for soft ‘love making’ – that’s how you described to him, at least.

He loves the way you look as you sit on your knees in front of him, the way you’re jerking him off, looking at his dick like you’re ready to drool all over it – and that is exactly what you do, moments later. 

You wrap your lips around his tip, swirling your tongue around it with a moan. Your hands grip his thighs roughly as you take him deeper into your mouth. 

Eddie’s eyelashes flutter, and a shaky moan falls from his lips as he feels warmth engulfing him. You moan around his dick, sending vibrations through him. 

“Sweetheart,” he whimpers as he keeps his eyes on you. “Y-You’re so – oh my fucking god,” he gasps out when you hollow your cheeks around him, whimpering as you start bobbing your head. 

He moans your name out, trying not to move his hips but it’s hard to stay still when his dream girl is sucking the soul out of him. 

Excitement floods through you, happy to hear him whimpering your name, happy to see him falling apart for you. 

Eddie is so taken aback but so fucking happy – when he got up this morning, he didn’t expect his day to end like this. With you here, with you doing this to him. 

He lets go of the bed sheets and instead, he reaches his hand down to brush the fallen strands out of your face. He runs his fingers through your hair, making you moan even louder when his fingertips graze your scalp. 

“Jesus christ, baby,” he whimpers, breathing heavily as his heart pounds in his chest. 

Your eyes water when he hits the back of your throat and you try to not choke, keeping your throat relaxed as you continue to suck him off, loving the way it feels to do this to him. 

“You’re so good, y/n. You’re so fucking perfect, such a good girl for me,” he praises you as he keeps on holding his hips still so he doesn’t gag you. 

You moan at the pet name, pressing your legs together. 

His moans and whimpers make you shift uncomfortably and it takes everything in you not to push your hand into your panties for some relief instead, you dig your nails into his thighs. 

Through watery eyes, you look up at him as you moan filthily and Eddie feels as though he truly has gone to heaven. 

You bring your hand up, surprising him yet again when you start playing with his balls and smirking when he whimpers even louder than before. You can feel him twitching inside your mouth and it only makes you more desperate to make him feel good. You blink your tears away, bobbing your head faster than before, hollowing your cheeks harder than before, ignoring how much you’re drooling on him. You wrap your hand around his dick again using it along your lips to pleasure him. 

In response, he tightens his grip on your hair and throws his head back, chanting your name as though it’s the only word he remembers. 

The carpet beneath your knees is rough on your skin but you couldn’t care less right now. All that matters to you is Eddie and his pleasure. 

There are so many things he wants to say, so many praises he wants to give you but he can’t, he is speechless, so deeply lost in the pleasure, so deeply lost in you. 

His body feels on fire, he feels love and lust, so much of it. 

Sweat is already building up on his skin, coating his forehead and his chest which is rising up and down heavily. Only as he feels himself getting closer and closer does he snap out of it, not wanting to cum just yet – he gently pulls you off of him, groaning at the way you whine as you release him with a pop! 

You blink at him in confusion, eyes flashing with concern as you look at him with puffy red lips and tears beneath your eyes. Eddie almost busts at the sight of you alone. 

“W-What’s wrong, was that not good–”

He simply cuts you off by grabbing you underneath your armpits, pulling you up with ease. He sets you on his thigh, groaning at the feeling of your soaked panties against his skin. He cups your cheeks, “don’t you dare finish that sentence,” he murmurs before he slams his lips against yours, surprising you with a kiss. 

You moan into the kiss, feeling needier than ever after the way he just grabbed you so roughly. You wrap your arms around him and kiss him back. Sighing in amusement when you feel him struggling to take his shoes and jeans off without breaking the kiss. 

You tangle your hands in his hair as you move your lips roughly against his, surprised at the fact that he doesn’t seem to mind that you just had him in your mouth. 

You can’t even stop yourself from moving your hips and grinding down against his thigh.

“Mmmh, I need you,” you whimper against his lips. “Please, fuck me.”

He groans, grabbing your sides harder before he flips you over, lying you down on your back, he pecks your lips, “no,” he shakes his head. “I’m not gonna fuck you today,” he whispers as his fingers start to fumble with the buttons on your dress, “I’m going to make love to you, baby.” 

Your eyes widen, your heart skipping a beat at his words as your chest fills with warmth. 

“I’m gonna show you how much you mean to me, how much I love you.”

“Please,” you whisper. 

He smirks at you with his flushed cheeks and his dark eyes. He continues unbuttoning your dress, taking it off slowly as his hands touch your skin gently. Unlike the night before, he takes his time with you, he leans in to kiss your neck, your collarbone, your arms after sliding the straps of your dress down before taking it off completely, not knowing that this makes you feel so overwhelmed with love – in the best way possible.

“My beautiful girl,” he whispers against your warm skin as his hands grab at your boobs, his fingers pinching your nipples as he keeps peppering your neck in kisses, tracing the marks he had left behind yesterday. 

A smile tugs at your lips, “Eddie..”

His name fell from your lips so many times before, though never like this. 

“Please.. I don’t want to wait any longer,” you whine, wrapping your hands around his arms as you try to pull him closer. “I need you inside of me now.”

His heart couldn’t flutter any more than this. 

He quickly takes your shoes off, throwing them down next to his before he makes his way back to you, kissing up your legs and giving some love to your inner thighs as he hooks his fingers around your panties. 

“Eddie,” you whine, reaching your hand down to grab at his hair. “Don’t tease me.”

His lips are so soft against your skin, smacking with each kiss that he blesses you with. He spreads your legs further after taking your panties off, pressing his fingers against your soaked entrance. 

You grip at the sheets beneath you, bucking your hips up. 

“E-Eddie.” 

He moans as he moves his fingers through your folds, teasing your clit with his thumb as he slips two fingers inside of you, stretching you open. 

“Eddie, I need you,” you whimper, already clenching around his fingers. 

“Let me taste you, sweetheart–”

You grab his wrist, trying to pull him closer, “please! You can do it later, I need you,” you beg. “We got all the time in the world for this,” you say, driving him crazy with your words.

“Fuck,” he whispers, surprised with your desperation but more turned on than ever. He pulls his fingers out of you and presses his lips to your hip bone, trailing kisses up your body and enjoying the way you’re breathing so heavily beneath him as you tangle your hand in his hair again. 

“You’re so perfect,” he murmurs against your chest as he leaves kisses there. “My pretty pretty girl.” 

You whine at his words, wrapping your arms around him when he finally hovers over you. You hook your legs around his waist, gazing up at him with needy eyes. You lean up to peck his lips. 

“My pretty boy,” you whisper against his lips as you move your hand down, wrapping it around his dick and lining him up with your entrance. “I need you now.” 

He shudders against you, heart nearly exploding at your words, he moans as he leans his forehead against yours, pulling you into a kiss again as he presses into you slowly, making you both moan against each other. 

The ache between your legs gets more and more intense as he pushes in deeper and deeper. 

Eddie’s hands reach for yours, his fingers tracing you softly as he intertwines them with your own, squeezing them tightly as he thrusts into you completely, pinning your hands down beside your head. 

You’re both whimpering in pleasure. 

Your walls are fluttering around his cock, your hands grab his tightly, you pull away from the kiss and bury your face in his neck. 

“I love you. I love you. I love you.” You chant into his ear as you squeeze his waist even tighter with your legs. 

Everything inside of him screams in pure joy. His heart couldn’t be filled with more love. He can’t even stop the tears from building up in his eyes, his emotions getting the best of him. 

Your lips touch his skin, your voice is calling out his name. You are trusting him, loving him, letting him love you. 

“I love you so much, Eddie,” you whisper those words into his ear that he never thought he would ever get to hear, let alone from you. 

He lets go of your hand, cupping the back of your neck to pull you back so he can see you. He pinches your chin between his fingers, tracing your bottom lip as he takes a moment to admire you. He gently brushes your hair out of your face, smiling when your lips twitch. He looks into your eyes, the look in them matching his own – there is love, so much of it, it makes him want to cry in happiness. 

“God, I’m so in love with you, y/n.” 

These words are ones you had craved for so long, you had yearned for them, longed to hear them back from someone you love so unconditionally. 

You blink, your eyes burning with tears now. 

His eyes are soft, so filled with unconditional love, he admires you, taking you in like you’re the best thing to ever exist. No one has ever looked at you like this before. 

“I love you,” he whispers as he presses his lips to yours. “I love you more than anything, sweetheart.”

“Show me,” you whimper, clenching around him. “Please.” You beg, needing him to show you just how much he truly wants you, how much he loves you. 

He slams his lips back against yours, kissing you deeply, passionately as he starts rolling his hips. 

You wrap your hand around him as your other clings to his, still intertwined with his fingers. You squeeze your eyes shut when you feel him hitting you so deep inside that it makes your eyes tear up even more. 

You both whimper against each other as your tongues meet and the kiss deepens into something more. This isn’t just a kiss. This isn’t just sex. This is more, so much more. 

He holds you close as he thrusts in and out of you with slow but deep motions. He moans into the kiss so desperately, sending vibrations through you. 

You’re skin to skin, clinging to one another desperately as you get lost in love and pleasure. 

He is so deep inside of you that you’re already on the verge of falling apart and you know that he is too, he is twitching inside of you, his moans turning into whimpers as you squeeze around him. 

You taste him along with the saltiness of the tears that mingled into the kiss, the ones that fell from both yours and his eyes but neither of you care, you keep kissing each other like there is no tomorrow, like you don’t need to breathe – like you need this to breathe, each other. 

Only when oxygen truly does go out and you both pull away just enough to catch your breaths, do you open your eyes to look at each other. Eddie wastes no second to attach his lips to your skin, kissing away your fallen tears, kissing your cheeks, your nose, your forehead, your lips before he moves down, tilting your head to the side so he can love on your neck. 

Your fingers dig into his skin, holding onto his back tightly as you grind back against him, wanting more and more of him. 

“You’re the love of my life,” he whispers into the crane of your neck before your name falls from his lips in a whimper. 

Your chest compresses in joy, more tears spill down your cheeks and even in the pleasure you can feel the lump in your throat. 

Everything feels so right with him. 

Everything feels so perfect. 

He feels like home. 

You press your hand to his chest, feeling his heart, the beat of his matching your own. 

“You’re mine too,” you whimper as you press your lips to his shoulder, kissing and sucking on his skin. 

You squeeze your eyes shut as he grabs your hips tightly and starts moving faster, harder. His hips snapping against yours roughly while his lips touch your skin so gently and his words are nothing if love filled. 

“I can’t believe you choose me,” he whispers, unable to hide the shakiness of his voice as tears fall from his eyes and onto your bare skin. “I can’t believe you want me.”

You reach for his face, cupping his cheeks gently as you urge him to look at you. His soft brown eyes meet yours and they look back at you so lovingly that it makes you want to sob in happiness. 

“You’re my everything.” 

“You’re mine too, Eddie.” You whimper.

You never thought that someone would look at you like this, that someone would love you like he does. 

And you are so desperate to give it all back to him, to show him how much you love him, to show him how he means everything to you. 

“I’m yours, Eddie,” you whisper, raising yourself up to kiss his lips. “I belong to you.”

He kisses your lips again and again, moving his hips faster, reaching his hand down as your moans get louder and more high pitched. 

The chain around his neck dangles in front of you and you use it to pull him closer. 

“And I belong to you,” he murmurs against your lips. “My heart is yours.”

“Mine is yours too.”

He kisses you passionately as he presses his fingertips against your clit, rubbing circles against it, causing you to jerk against him and hold his hand even tighter than before. 

You clench so tightly around him that his hips stutter, almost cumming right this second. 

“F-Fuck,” he whimpers against your lips. “You’re close, aren’t you baby? I can feel it, you’re so tight around me. J-Just let go for me, yeah?” 

You nod your head hastily, blinking rapidly as you keep your eyes on him. 

He looks down at you, watching the way your chest rises up and down so heavily, the way your face contorts in pleasure because of him. You cling to his hand, your rings pressing against his. 

“Cum with me, Eddie,” you beg with pleading eyes, arching your back in pleasure. 

He cups your cheek again, pecking your lips. 

“I’m gonna.. fuck… I’m gonna cum. Y-You’re so perfect, baby. I love you, I love you so fucking much,” he moans as shockwaves grip his body. 

You’re both panting, eyes filled with tears from pleasure but neither of you are ready to look away from each other’s eyes. He pounds into you faster, a little rougher as his fingers play with your clit. He tears a loud gasp out of you when he thrusts deeper into you. 

“Eddie!” 

“Cum with me, baby,” he begs, kissing your lips. 

You claw your nails into his skin, you let go and cum around him just as your name falls from his lips and he spills inside of you. 

He holds your hand tightly and he keeps moving for another few seconds before he collapses on top of you, burying his face in the crook of your neck. 

“Oh my god,” he whispers. 

You’re breathing heavily, trying to catch your breath. Your body is shaking beneath his and that makes you cling to him even harder. 

He can feel your walls pulsating around him, that keeps on tearing small moans out of him. 

He keeps on kissing you, praising you with sweet words even as he comes down from his high. His fingers touch your skin so softly and he treats you with so much love and care, something that puts a smile on your face. 

You trace his back, moans of pleasure escaping your mouth whenever his lips meet that sensitive spot on your neck. 

Neither of you want to move, both so content with this. 

“I love you, baby.”

“I love you, Eddie.” 

He pulls back after a moment, facing you again with a dopey smile on his face. He kisses your lips before he pulls out, making you whimper. 

“You okay, angel?” 

Your heart soars at the soft look in his eyes as he caresses your cheek. You feel so loved with him. It makes you both so giddy and happy. You never thought that you would ever feel something like this. 

“Mhmm,” you smile, taking his hand in yours to kiss it. 

He smiles at you, licking his lips before he leans down to kiss your forehead. He then gets up. 

“I’ll be right back, sweets.” 

With curious eyes, you watch him put his boxers on before he leaves his room but not before winking at you. 

With a smile on your face, you lay your head on his pillows and look up at the ceiling, giggling when you hear him cursing after something hits the ground in the kitchen. 

He comes back with a wet cloth and a glass of water. He puts it on his nightstand before he gets back on the bed, pushing your thighs apart so he can clean you. 

You blush at his action and look away. Steve had only ever done it after your first time together, after that, he stopped caring. 

He notices the look on your face and furrows his brows, “what?” 

You shake your head, “nothing,” you murmur, biting your lip. 

He chuckles at you, smiling fondly as you keep your eyes locked on anything but on him. 

You’re still blushing, trying to hide from him. 

“You’re so cute,” he whispers, leaning down to kiss your hip bone before he pulls his blanket over your bare body. 

Your heart skips a beat at his words, you look back at him with a shy smile on your face. 

He stares at you so lovingly, scooting closer to you, he reaches his hands out to cup your cheeks, “yeah, you’re truly the fucking cutest.”

Leaning into his touch, you protest with a simple ‘no’ as you put your hand on his arm, “I think that’s you, Eds.”

“Me?” He asks, blushing just the way you do. “Nah, I’m not cute,” he snorts. 

"Yes, you are,” you giggle, pinching his pink cheek. “Now come here and cuddle me.” 

His eyes light up at your words, heart fluttering inside his chest. 

He hands you the glass of water first, making sure that you drink all of it before he complies to your wish. 

He lies down beside you and pulls you on top of him. Hands instantly reaching into your hair. He plays with it, smoothing down your strands as he stares down at you with a happy smile on his face, watching the way you stare at his tattoos, tracing them with your fingertips while a smile plays on your lips. 

Silence fills the room as the two of you enjoy your moment of bliss. 

You listen to his heartbeat, getting lost in your thoughts and the feeling of his hands on your skin. 

Eddie admires you, running his finger up and down your spine. 

“Hey Eddie?”

“Yes, sweetheart?”

You look up at him as you prop your chin up on his chest, looking into his eyes. 

“I wanted to come see you, last night.” You say, needing him to know that. 

He furrows his brows, pursing his lips as he tilts his head. 

“I couldn’t fall asleep without you. I wanted to come here but when I was about to leave, Steve was there.. on my front porch.” 

His gaze softens.

You wanted to be with him last night. 

Just like he wanted to be with you. 

“Oh,” he whispers, tugging you even closer. 

You nod, seemingly not wanting to talk about anything else from the night before, you lay your head back on his chest, letting the silence greet you again. 

Eddie doesn’t push you, not wanting to ruin this moment by talking about your ex boyfriend. 

He knows that whatever happened between you and him last night, was about more than just your past relationship. 

He leans down, kissing your forehead softly before he lies back again, watching the way you smile at him as you snuggle closer. 

You’re the first to break the silence again after a few minutes of staring at his corroded coffin poster. 

“Eddie?”

“Mmm?”

When you lay your hands on his chest, and you look at him with curious eyes, Eddie knows that you will ask something that will leave him a blushing mess. 

“Did you ever try to kiss me?” 

He raises his brows, a laugh falling from his lips. 

“Try? I almost did, sweets.”

“What!?” You ask in shock. 

He shakes his head at you, he always knew you were oblivious, he noticed that in those moments. 

“Okay, when we cuddled or you sat on my lap when we watched movies? Remember how I just kissed your cheek out of nowhere?” He asks. “Or your nose?”

Your eyes widen in shock, flooding with realization. 

He chuckles at the look on your face, “yeah, no. I got too lost in the moment many times and  almost kissed you.. unconsciously.”

“Huh?”

“Yeah!” He says with widened eyes. “And I just dodged when I realized I was leaning in, desperately, because what excuse can I give if you noticed me leaning in?”

You giggle at that, “holy shit.”

“Yeah, I yelled into my fucking pillow many nights. – I’m glad you’re amused though,” he chuckles, tickling your sides. 

You grab his hands, giggling even louder, “stop!” 

He chuckles, shaking his head. 

“When did it start?” 

“Huh?”

“You loving me… when was it Eds?”

Eddie falls silent, he tries to pinpoint the moment he caught himself falling in love with you. 

He thinks about the beginning of your friendship. 

The late night drives. 

The movie nights. 

Tuesday nights at the hideout. 

Your sleepovers. 

But truly, Eddie loved you way before all of that, already. 

He had his eyes on you before he even knew your name. 

He chuckles as warmth spreads in his chest. 

Loving you always felt like a blessing, even when he thought he knew that he would never have a chance with you. Loving you still felt so.. safe. 

“Beats the shit out of me, sweetheart. I always fucking loved you – shit, I failed classes because I was too busy staring at your pretty face,” he admits with blushing cheeks. 

Eddie is so in love with you that he can’t even think back to a time when he didn’t love you yet. 

Your eyes widen with both shock and love, tearing up with happy tears as the overwhelming feeling inside your chest makes you want to cry. 

You swallow the lump in your throat, staring at him in awe. 

When did you fall in love with him?  

Just like him, you can’t remember a time when you didn’t love him. 

“Well, I can’t remember either,” you admit as you lean closer to him. “But I’ve loved you for a long time now.”

He squeezes your waist in response, heart swelling in his chest. He kisses your lips before you both start giggling. 

“We’re fucking idiots.”

He snorts, nodding his head. 

“Platonic my ass.”

“You always said that we’re platonic!” You laugh. 

He rolls his eyes with a smile. 

“Yeah, well. What did you want me to say? I am in love with her, like fucking crazy, but it’s cool, we are just friends. Does that sound better?”

You giggle, staring back at him with happy eyes. 

His smile widens at the look on your face, he places his hand on your cheek, caressing it, softly. 

“Did you talk to anyone about it… about your feelings, I mean?”

His smile falls a little. 

Yeah, he talked about them to Dmitri and Robin, even Gareth. But the first person was someone entirely else. 

He takes a deep breath. 

“Steve..”

Your blink. 

“W-What?”

“He confronted me about it. Told me that I was a fucking liar about my feelings, that I was a moron really,” he chuckles as he thinks back to the few conversations he had with him. “Told me to stop lying to myself about it.”

“Oh..” You murmur, slowly realizing just how much Steve had really changed. Even while he was fighting for a second chance with you, he never did anything to harm your bond with Eddie, he never did anything to drive him away from you, even while knowing about his feelings for you. 

“Sweetheart, want me to be honest with you? I think everyone knew about our feelings for each other except for us.”

A smile appears on your face, your eyes find his again. 

“I think we should get a medal for most clueless people in Hawkins. How does that sound?” 

You both giggle at your words, continuing to joke around until you both get tired and fall asleep in each other's arms. 

Not as friends but as something more for the very first time. 

-

The smell of coffee and food is the first thing you notice when you wake up, the next morning. 

The sunlight peeks through the closed curtains, lighting up the room ever so slightly. You open your eyes and sink deeper into his pillows. Breathing in the smell of his cologne which makes your stomach flutter in an instant. 

You stretch your arms out before you sit up, holding the blanket against your body. You look around the room, eying the discarded clothes on the ground. Eddie’s shirt is still on the ground next to your dress, you pick it up and put it on, smoothing your hair out before you place your feet on the ground after pushing the sheets off of you. You bend down, picking up your panties, you put them on as well. A smile tugs at your lips when last night’s events start catching up to you. 

Your heart skips a beat when you hear Eddie’s voice in the kitchen, singing along to a song that plays on the radio. 

Your eyes fall on the framed picture on his nightstand – it’s one of you, just you. Well, you and sweetheart. His guitar is in your hand, his jacket thrown over your shoulders as you look into the camera with a big smile on your face. 

There’s traces of you around his room, a forgotten shirt, earrings you had taken off and left behind, a denim jacket you have been looking for, polaroid pictures of you and him, your perfume on his dresser next to his. 

And Eddie never bothers to put these things away, he loves seeing your stuff in his room. 

With a smile on your face, you walk over to the window and slide open the curtains, squinting your eyes when the sun hits you in the face. You open the window to let some fresh air in before you leave the room, making a quick stop in the bathroom before you join Eddie in the kitchen after washing your face with cold water. 

He is standing with his back to you, not noticing you yet. 

Your heart soars and you have to clench your thighs together when you take in the sight of him. He is shirtless, gray sweatpants hanging low on his hips. His hair is pulled into a messy ponytail. He is bobbing his head along to the music as he cooks breakfast. 

You bite your lip, making your way towards him. You wrap your arms around his waist and press your lips against his back, kissing him. He doesn’t even flinch, instantly melting into your touch. 

“Good morning, sweetheart.” 

You hear the grin in his voice and it only makes you smile even harder. 

“Morning, Eddie.”

He puts the spatula down before he turns around to face you. Smiling just as happy as he did when he woke up with you in his arms, this morning. He cups your cheeks and leans down, smacking his lips against yours. 

“How’d you sleep, pretty girl?” He asks, tucking your hair behind your ear as he pecks your lips again before he pulls you into a hug. 

“It was the best sleep of my life,” you mumble into his chest, causing him to chuckle as he presses his lips to the top of your head. 

“Yeah? Mine too. I couldn’t believe that I got to wake up with the love of my life in my arms.”

You giggle, unable to fight the smile off your face as you look up at him. Taking a moment to admire his pretty face. 

This is certainly not the first morning you spent together but this is different. So very different. 

“Fuck, you’re beautiful.” 

A shaky breath falls from your lips as your chest tightens. 

He leans down to kiss you again, his ringed fingers gripping your waist tightly as he suddenly picks you up and places you on the counter. 

You giggle at him, making him smile even harder. 

“Sorry sweets, I’ll kiss you some more in a second, don’t want the food to burn,” he says as he pecks your lips once again before he turns back to the stove, checking on the scrambled eggs. 

He throws some toast into the toaster before he reaches for a mug in the cabinet, pouring some coffee into it, he adds creamer and sugar into it before he hands you the mug, “for my lady,” he grins, winking at you. 

You giggle at him as you wrap your hands around the mug. 

“Why thank you, sir,” you grin, pulling the mug up to your lips, you take a sip and place it on the counter next to you. 

You lick your lips, staring at him, at the tattoos on his pale skin, the marks you have left on his neck, the happiness that shines in his eyes, the smile that won’t fall. 

He is so beautiful. 

He is so happy, in a way you had never seen him before. Not even when you got him Metallica tickets for christmas – and he was really fucking happy about them. 

Your heart has never felt this.. alive before. Just watching him be so happy, so in love with you makes you the happiest girl in the world. 

The moment Eddie turns off the stove and puts the pan to the side, you reach for his hand and pull him in, he gladly makes his way in between your legs, his lips curling into a smirk when you cup his cheeks. 

“You’re so beautiful, Eddie,” you smile, leaning in to kiss his cheek. “And you’re all mine.”

His eyes light up even more, brown eyes that are filled with nothing but love, shine even brighter now. He steps even closer to you, grabbing your waist, he presses lips to your jawline. 

“I’m all yours. I’ve always been yours.”

You place your hands on his shoulders, your heart beating strongly in your chest.

“And I’m yours, Eddie. All yours.”

The silly grin on his lips tells you how happy and giddy he is to hear these words from you. He suddenly grabs your face and starts to kiss all over it, making you giggle louder than before. And then, he kisses you deeply. 

“Mmmh.”

He smiles into the kiss when you moan so prettily against his lips, wrapping your legs around his waist as you kiss him back. 

His hand slides down to your hip, squeezing it tightly before he slips it under your shirt – his shirt. 

He only pulls away to ask the question that he has been dying to get off his chest since the night before. 

His heart is racing in his chest as he opens his eyes to look at you again. 

“Can I be your boyfriend?” 

You giggle loudly, “I’d be mad if you weren’t.”

His smile widens and he almost fist bumps the air again but instead, he pulls you in for another kiss. 

You’re both smiling, both happier than ever. 

Neither of you can contain the excitement and the love you feel for one another. 

You get so lost in each other, so lost in the kiss that you don’t hear the car parking in front of the trailer, or the footsteps echoing outside, or the door opening, neither of you notice Wayne standing in the doorway or the unfazed look on his face.

He is not surprised to see this. 

He clears his throat, which makes you both pull away from each other, still smiling. 

You both greet him cheerfully, not even bothering to hide the fact that you were making out in the kitchen. 

He looks between the two of you, staring at the marks on Eddie’s neck. He shakes his head, though a smile tugs at his lips. 

“Finally,” he grumbles as he simply takes his jacket off and walks into the kitchen to pour himself a coffee, like he didn’t just walk in on something new. “Was wondering how much longer you’d take,” he says, walking over to the kitchen table with his favorite mug in hand. 

“Well, we made it Wayne,” Eddie grins, happily. “And now I can do this.”

You give him a questioning look, giggling when he slides you off the counter and takes your hand in his, pulling you towards where Wayne is now sitting. 

The older man was just about to take a sip of his coffee, though he pauses and looks between the two of you, giving his nephew a questioning look. 

“Wayne, this is my girlfriend,” he grins, gesturing to you. “Girlfriend, this is my uncle Wayne.” 

You giggle at him, blushing at the way he is staring at you. 

Not even Wayne can hide the smile on his face. He is happy to see Eddie like this, so full of life, so happy and in love. 

He puts the mug down, looking towards you, he grins at you, holding his hand out, “well, welcome to the family, sweetheart.” 

You take his hand, smiling just as happily as Eddie does, “thank you, Wayne.”

“Hell yeah, welcome to the family, baby.” Eddie says before he smacks his lips against your cheek again as he hugs you tightly after you let go of Wayne’s hand. 

You lean your head on his chest, smiling brightly. 

Wayne smiles as he looks between the two of you. 

Finally, he picks up the mug and takes a sip of his coffee. 

Eddie kisses your temple before he pushes you down on the chair. He runs back to the kitchen. He grabs three plates and fills them with scrambled eggs and Wayne’s beloved bacon, placing the toasts on both yours and Wayne’s plates before he throws two more into the toaster. 

He carries the plates over to the kitchen table, placing them in front of you and his uncle. 

Wayne pats Eddie on the back, throwing you an amused smile, “should’ve gotten with him sooner, I didn’t know that he’d turn into a chef once he’d started dating you.” 

You giggle at him. 

“He didn’t cook breakfast for you before?” You ask. “He always cooked well for me.” 

Eddie winks at you as he brings you the mug you abandoned on the counter earlier. 

“I’m always taking care of my girl.”

You blush at his words and smile fondly. 

Yeah, Eddie has always looked after you and you don’t even know how to thank him for it. He did so much for you. 

He places the coffee mug in front of you and you take his hand before he walks back into the kitchen. 

“Thank you, Eddie.”

By the look in your eyes, he can tell that you are thanking for more than just the breakfast he had cooked for you. You are thanking him for so much more. 

He smiles at you, giving your hand a squeeze before he pulls it up to his lips, kissing it softly. 

“It’s my pleasure, sweetheart.”

Wayne smiles at the two of you. 

“Now eat before it gets cold,” Eddie orders, trying to give you a mean look but failing to do so. 

“Yes sir,” you chuckle. 

He joins you a few moments later, placing his plate on the table. Instead of sitting down next to you, he picks you up and settles on the chair you just sat on before he pulls you down on his lap, making you blush for yet another time this morning. 

He starts eating his breakfast, scarving down his eggs and toast like a man starved. 

“Jesus christ, boy,” Wayne mumbles, giving him a disapproving look. “Slow down.”

“I’m starving, uncle,” he mumbles after gulping down his food. “We had an intense workout last night.” 

Wayne groans at his words while you giggle and shake your head in embarrassment. Hiding your face behind the mug in your hand. 

“So, are you two ready for your trip?” Wayne asks, leaning back in his chair. 

You and Eddie look at each other, yours and his eyes sparkling with excitement – Excitement that got even more intense after last night. 

“Yeah,” you both whisper, smiling at each other. “We are.”

-

The warmth of the summer still lingers, though the leaves are turning yellow now as fall creeps closer and closer. The wind blows through your hair, the fresh breeze reminding you that something new is upon you – a spontaneous plan you and Eddie had come up with weeks ago when you changed your mind about the road trip and came up with a different, better plan. 

Your mom has already said goodbye, after shedding one too many tears and making Eddie promise to take care of you, she left for work – which she was ready to miss just so she could stay a few more minutes with you. You had to convince her to leave, not wanting her to be late for work but also not wanting to wave goodbye and make it harder than it already is. 

You look around, a sad yet excited smile resting on your features as you squeeze your arms tighter around your friends. 

“I’m gonna miss you so much,” Heather whispers into your ear as she hugs you tighter than ever. 

“I’m gonna miss you too, Heather.”

“I’m gonna come visit you next week,” she jokes, sniffling as she tries to hide the shakiness in her voice behind a chuckle. 

“I’m gonna miss you too, so so much,” Chrissy sighs. 

“You guys are gonna be off to college next year, don’t act like you wouldn’t leave my ass behind,” you joke as you pull away from them both. 

“Says who?” Chrissy asks, raising a brow. “Maybe I’d force you and Robin to come with me.”

Heather turns to look at her with a frown, pouting at her. “But not me?”

Chrissy giggles, wrapping her arm around Heather, “all of you, actually.” 

“Me too?” Argyle jokes as he stands next to Eddie, leaning against the van as they both smoke their cigarettes.

Chrissy chuckles, “sorry, no boys are allowed in my room!” 

“What a shame,” Argyle sighs. “How am I supposed to visit my girl, Chris?”

Eddie chuckles, nudging his shoulder with his own, “you rent a place and have her move in with you, that’s what I’d do with mine,” he winks at you, making you blush. 

Heather and Chrissy giggle at the flustered look on your face. Both of them are happy to see you so giddy and in love. 

You blink as you stare at your friends, hoping that you won’t cry again, but it’s hard not to when you’re about to leave your life behind. 

“I’m gonna get back inside for a moment.” You gesture to your house, as you hold the keys tightly in your hand. 

“Okay!” Chrissy smiles. 

Heather smiles at you sadly, noticing the tears in your eyes. She takes Chrissy’s hand, “come on,” she whispers, pulling her along with her as she walks down your porch steps.

You turn away from them and step into your house for the last time. 

You still smell the cookies that your mom had made for you and Eddie earlier. The coffee you had this morning. You sniffle quietly as you look around your home. 

You always knew that you would leave someday and you are so happy and excited for your future with Eddie, but leaving things behind will never be easy. 

You have made so many memories in here, good ones, bad ones. Ones that put a smile on your face, ones that made you cry. Ones that you will always carry with you, even when you’re leaving. 

You hold onto the railing of the stairs, looking up, you now know for sure that you won’t be coming home tonight or tomorrow. 

You’ll be in a different place tonight. A different state, a different town, a new home. You would probably break into tears if you did this by yourself but you have him with you and that’s all that matters to you. 

A knock echoes through the hallway, snapping you out of your thoughts. 

You quickly wipe away the tears that managed to escape your eyes. You turn around, freezing in your spot when you lock eyes with someone you didn’t expect to see. 

Steve’s soft eyes sparkle with kindness, a smile tugs at his lips as he leans against the doorframe. His arms are crossed over his chest, he’s wearing a brown leather jacket, aviator sunglasses hanging on the black shirt he’s wearing underneath it. 

“Hey,” he whispers. 

His gaze softens when he takes in the sadness in your features. 

“Hi,” you smile, blinking. “Didn’t expect to see you here.”

It’s been two weeks since that night. You always wondered how he had been doing. 

His sadness still runs deep, you can see it. But he looks good, better than he did that night.

“Couldn’t let you go without saying goodbye,” he shrugs as he steps into the house. 

You smile, eyeing his face, you take a step towards him. 

Your heart is aching a little – he is still your friend, still your childhood best friend. 

“How are you doing?” 

You take a deep breath, looking around for a moment before your eyes settle back on him. 

“Good, a little sad but I’m good. And you?”

He takes a moment to answer your question, he is looking at you, at your face that he won’t see anytime soon. He ignores the pangs in his heart. 

“I’m alright.”

You nod. 

The longer you look at him, the harder it gets to hold back tears. Tears that are already sparkling on your eyelashes. 

“I’m gonna miss you, Steve.”

He gets teary eyed as well as he memorizes your features, as though he could forget you. 

It hit him a little harder than it should have when he found out that you were leaving. Yeah, he let you go and he said his goodbye but he wasn’t prepared for this. You have always been the biggest part of his life, even when he left, you were still around. And he would rather have that again than watch you leave, completely. 

Knowing that he will pass by your house every day, without catching sight of you in your driveway puts a new kind of sadness in him. 

Knowing that you won’t be behind the counter at the record store whenever he will walk in, makes him even sadder. 

He would rather risk the chance of running into you with Eddie than knowing that there won’t be a single place in town where he will find you.

“I’m gonna miss you too.” 

You step closer to him and he can’t help himself but pull you into a hug, wanting and needing to hold you, one last time. Not knowing when he will see you again, drives him crazy. 

He is sad but he doesn’t want you to be sad. You have spent enough time wallowing in sadness, shedding tears and living in darkness. 

You stepped out of it, and he doesn’t want you to take that step back, not even through memories. 

He squeezes you tightly, leaning his cheek on the top of your head as he holds you, rubbing your back. He smiles when you hug him back just as tightly. 

“You got the apartment that you wanted?” He asks. 

You nod against him, “yeah,” you whisper. “How’d you know?”

“Robin told me about it. And about the jobs – shit, I can’t believe you’re moving to Chicago.” 

You giggle and pull back, looking up at him with sadness yet excitement on your face. 

“If someone told me last year that you’d be moving to Chicago with Eddie Munson, I’d probably think they’re on drugs or something,” he says, chuckling. “No offense to Eddie, of course. I just – well, I never saw it coming.”

You laugh through your tears, wiping them away as you tilt your head up. 

“Who knows, maybe we’ll hate the big city life so much that we’ll come back in a week or two.”

He shakes his head in amusement, laughing, though it doesn’t match the look in his eyes. 

“No. It will work out. You always make it work out,” he whispers, smiling fondly at you. His eyes fall on the necklace around your neck, loving that you’re still wearing it, just like he will always wear the wristband you had given him. 

“What about you? How’s the job search going?” You ask, knowing that he wanted to quit his job at Scoops Ahoy for a while now. 

His eyes light up a little, he runs his fingers through his hair, nodding. 

“I actually have an interview today a-and I found a place.”

You raise your brows, eyes widening at his words. 

“You did?” 

“Yeah, my dad has been bitching about everything lately, I just don’t wanna be around there any longer. And hey, maybe Robin will move in with me, I got a spare bedroom there.” 

Your face saddens at his words. You know that he doesn’t have it easy with his dad. 

“I’m sorry about your dad,” you whisper. 

His brows knit together and he waves his hand, “nah, it’s fine. I’m just happy to move out.”

You nod, “I’m happy for you, Steve.” 

He smiles at you, “and I’m happy for you.” 

You stare at him, thinking about your childhood, your teen years, your friendship that you have to leave behind for now and you can’t help but get lost in the bittersweet sadness again. 

He watches the way your eyes get glassy again but he doesn’t want you to cry anymore. 

“Yeah, I know you’ll come back in two weeks. I know you can’t live without me. Remember that one time my parents took me to California that one summer? Yeah, you cried when I came back.” He jokes, giving you a teasing smile. 

A laugh falls from your lips, you roll your eyes at him. 

“That was in second grade!”

“Yeah and look at us now. Still crying, Dolly.”

You can’t even fight him on that but you chuckle through your tears. You reach for his hand, taking it in yours, you squeeze it tightly. 

“I love you, Stevie.”

He smiles, knowing the meaning behind your words. 

“And I love you, y/n.”

You hug each other one last time. 

“Have fun in Chicago,” he whispers, squeezing your arms. “And don’t forget about me.”

You lay your head on his chest, holding onto him for a moment, you’re greeted with sadness but you will leave it behind, it won’t follow you into your future. 

“I won’t.”

How could you ever forget Steve Harrington?

You tilt your head up and lock eyes with him for the last time, for now. You try to not let the hurt get to you – but you feel his pain and you see the longing in his eyes, you see the way they flash with regret. 

Even though he is happy for you – and you can see that he truly is. You still know that he wishes that he would’ve changed his mind when he still had the chance to. 

You know that this will haunt him for a long time but you don’t want it to. You don’t want him to get stuck in the past and think about what he should’ve done. You want him to move on and find the same kind of love that you did. 

You pull away from him after a moment and you leave the house together. You lock the door and put the keys in your pocket, looking at the home you grew up in, one last time before you walk away. 

Steve doesn’t tear his eyes off of you. He keeps looking at you, enjoying the last moments he gets to stare at you. 

He watches the way you cling to Robin, hugging her goodbye. 

He watches the way you shed a few tears as you hug Chrissy and Heather, one last time. 

He watches the way you giggle at something Argyle said to you. 

And then, you walk towards your boyfriend with a smile that transforms into the happiest one that Steve had ever seen. One that he could never put on your face. 

Even through the sadness, he can’t help but smile as he watches you. 

With a sigh, he walks towards Eddie, ignoring the way the man’s eyes flash with surprise when he halts in front of him. He takes a deep breath before he holds his hand out to him, both as a peace offering and to say goodbye.

Eddie stares at his hand for a moment before he takes it, still staring at him with furrowed brows. 

“Take care of her,” Steve says, glancing at you. 

Eddie shakes his hand, nodding. 

“I will,” he promises. 

“And if you hurt her, and I know I am a hypocrite for saying it, but if you do, I will hunt you down and chop your head off and feed it to Higgins dogs.” 

Eddie’s eyes widened in amusement. 

Steve sees the way you shake your head as you look down with a smile on your face, happy to see him be so protective of you, still. 

“Now that’s a good threat, Harrington. But I’d rather feed myself to those dogs than hurt her.”

Yeah, he would rather hurt than hurt you. 

That’s why he is the right one for you, Steve thinks. 

Steve watches the way you reach for his hand and he has to ignore the pain in his heart. 

“You ready to go, sweetheart?” 

Steve watches the way your eyes look into Eddie’s, the way they shine so brightly for him, the way his shine so brightly for you. 

You’re in good hands, that’s all that Steve needs to know.

“Yeah, I’m ready.”

He watches how happy you look with him. 

How full of life you are again. 

How in love you are with him. How in love he is with you. 

You will be happy, he knows you will be. 

And when you turn around, you flash him a smile that he knows he will never forget. 

“Goodbye, Stevie.”

“Goodbye, Dolly.”

He will see you again. He knows that you will come back to Hawkins someday but for now, you will be gone. 

And even then, he knows that you will always linger. 

-

Well, we made it to the ending. I'm sad that it's over, but you guys are still getting an epilogue. And oneshots/blurbs about this fic.

I hope you liked this story and had fun with it as much as I did.

Thank you for all the love and support I got from you guys, you're amazing and I'm forever thankful for all of you! 🩷

@taintedcigs @mysticmunson @wroteclassicaly @trashmouth-richie @corrodedseraphine @corrodedcorpses @xxhellfirebunnyxx @take-everything-you-can @sherrylyn628 @somethingvicked @nemesis729 @munson-mjstan @succubusmunson

[junepsycho]

do i kill myself to move forward? is the death of my past self the only way to live and move on? i don't want to. i don't want to do anything. i want to be a rock. i want to exist without any consequences. let me be a grain of sand. i hate it. i hate it all. i hate the ugliness and the beauty. i hate the things and the people. all of it. why do I have to love if it's gonna hurt? why do I have to speak if I'm gonna be shut up? i hate everything. living is just pure pain. all kinds of it. physical hurt, emotional pain, headaches, stomachaches, heartaches. every moment of bliss is just that. a moment. then it's gone. never to be seen again. let me die a painless death. let the world be rid of pessimistic ol' me and progress ahead. fuck everything and everyone. it all sucks. fuck me too. the world is shit. i am the world. fuck you too. fuck our feelings. they don't mean shit. nothing makes sense. one man. one fucking man. he's gone and it ruins the lives of so many. i wish i had no connection to anyone. when i die, i die nameless, in peace. no one mourns for me. no one sheds tears over a stupid boy. one man is all it took for me to turn like this. do i write both sides of the story?

his death gave birth to the most contradicting boy ever seen. he hated everything and everyone on the inside, but always helped when someone needed a hand. so kind, so fragile, so raw. he takes words as they come and nothing more. he gets hurt so so so easily. his heart aches for every little thing. imagine loving someone with that aching heart. he grew up around women and girls, but the world expected him to be a man. the only other man in his life didn't like him. hurt people hurt people. he had so much potential, dare i say he still has it. he gives up easily. very easily. his self-worth, confidence, esteem, all of it, thrown out of the window when he was 6. always second place. always the loser. conditioned himself to think nothing was meant for him. god had forsaken him since his birth. cruel cruel god who gives a baby such a shitty mindset. i wanna die. get it over with. no i don't. there's so much i haven't seen yet. he's lazy. always procrastinating. i don't know anymore. words blah blah blah blah blah. mr complains-a-lot whose life isn't bad at all rn, but it used to be and in some strange way, he conditioned himself into thinking a bad life is all he deserves. whose gonna read all of this lol? no way you're actually reading a sad boy trash post on Tumblr. right? other than her, no one else would be able to find this long post.

her. ughh. life was so fucking ughhh and tears and loneliness before she came in. then she comes in with her stupid smile and her stupid eyes and her stupid kind words and her stupid lovely fingers and her stupid personality. out of nowhere btw. when you first waved at me, i thought your blue hair was stupid. funny how your hair's the most beautiful thing i can think of now. you came into my life a sports car. i never realised when you ran me over with your words. i became your friend because you were a girl, and girls were always kinder friends to me then guys. you pushed your way into my life. i didn't realise until later that i was pulling you in too. it's all a hazy memory. when i think of you, i think of your fingers in mine, on that park bench, in february. i was never obsessed with you from the start. it grew over time. like a forest. genuinely, you get prettier day by day. she's my saving grace. the only reason i haven't ruined my life yet. the reason i keep trying and trying and trying to be better. i change myself so much. yet I'm still too flawed to be deserving of her love. when i look at myself, all i see is a broken boy. what does she see? all my ugly emotions, what does she think about them? she isn't mine. i have to get that through my head first. she's not yours. she belongs to her family, her friends, her oh so close friends, to her books and her music and her interests, to herself, and not to you. you're just a resting place she can come to anytime she wants. you're a refreshing sip of water in her marathon. nothing more. and it'll end. whatever little part of her that you think is yours will go too. either by death or by choice. all you have is me. june.

time waits for no one. we'll be the tides of the ocean and the tree roots in no time. just a few hundred million years. I'll get to be nothing. a rock. Stardust.

i will start learning classical piano. to forgive myself. for my death and my rebirth. to realise that the first paragraph is just thoughts in my head. they don't mean nothing. that i can be better. be better. better. be better be better be better be better be better better be better betty bought a bit of butter but the butter was bitter so betty bought some better butter to make the bitter butter better. be fucking better moon.