#goddamn this is the longest post i've ever made

[candlenav]

well i can try to address the Singed side of things, since i've been brainrotting over his arc in particular.

big spoilers for both seasons, so putting under a cut

1. Singed is a Genius

no, this isn't going where you might think it is, but yeah, i'm making this claim.

singed is one of, if not the most intelligent and conniving character in the show. getting into detail on that is a whole other topic for a separate post -- but i'll summarize that, digging a little deeper into the few scenes he's depicted in, it becomes clear just how masterfully he's playing his cards. every major plot point he masterminds from the shadows, he upends the course of the plot itself, playing everyone off of one another such that he comes out with exactly what he wants.

were Singed more invested in... anything else going on, he'd be a genuinely terrifying master manipulator. but as he is, he's completely amoral and utterly convicted in his single goal to revive Orianna. from the first time we ever see him to the last -- from shimmer to Warwick to the Machine Herald and everything in between -- he is working with an incredible dedication toward that one ultimate objective. which he, eventually, does achieve!

but.

2. It's Not A Happy Ending, Part 1: Orianna

despite getting exactly what he'd spent the entire show working toward... i can't really say it's a happy ending for Singed.

this becomes apparent looking at that final sequence (where we see a revived Orianna):

arcane likes to use visual symbolism a lot, and here is certainly no exception.

look at what's in scene: Orianna's reflection is broken up into three different mirrors, only one of which Singed is present in. we only see half her face, and it's blank and expressionless. her flower is sealed in glass.

(i expect this might be elaborated on in act 3, but) the language here is clearly indicating that Orianna is not the person she once was -- not the daughter Singed wanted back. he poured his life, body and soul, into pulling her back from the dead -- but what, or who, exactly did he get at the end of it all?

3. It's Not a Happy Ending, Part 2: Viktor

Singed met Viktor early on, and given the near-complete apathy he regards everyone else with throughout the series, it really stands out just how fondly he obviously thought of Viktor.

(pictured above: the only time Singed ever attempts to defend his actions, and it's to kid Viktor.)

even far in the future, when they meet in the commune -- Singed respects Viktor, defends his agency as a person, is visibly discontent doing things to Viktor he knows will hurt him (even at Viktor's own request).

Singed is not a person inclined to emotional expression, nor sentimentality -- he indirectly destroys countless lives and cares nothing for them -- but Singed himself loses what he could have had with Viktor through his own actions, and he clearly feels this loss.

on some level, he knows what he lost — but his conviction was stronger. was this for the better or for the worse?

this is, ultimately, what i believe the point of Singed's narrative arc is. his single-minded pursuit of his goal, the impossible task of reviving a long-dead daughter, blinds him to everything else he could have had until it's far too late. and he gains what he originally sought for... but does he really? and what has he lost along the way?

"His quest led him astray of any trodden path. His own shadow dissolved to darkness. Now the only course was forward. The only warmth, a dream of her waltz." - Singed, reading from a storybook to Orianna in her death-sleep -- the quote that i believe holds the key to putting all this together.

idk. that's the end of my thoughts on the matter. i just think Singed is such a cool character, and a hell of a lot more nuanced than the "he fucks everyone over and gets a happy ending for it" conclusion most people seem to take at face value.

Somebody tell me why the fuck Singed got his happy ass little ending and meanwhile Ekko, poor, sweet, Ekko, is just fucking alone on a bridge mourning the love of his life who he thinks is dead. Why? Just. Why?

[leftneb]

Curiositas aka sirens!AU

in which Lando is a siren with species dysphoria and Oscar is the defintion of Just Some Guy, who happens to get caught up in Lando's mess. and obviously they fall in love along the way etc etc

I first posted about this idea over 2 months ago and I'm happy to announce that there is now a fic in the works!!! which will likely take at least another 2 months because goddamn the concept outgrew itself (as you can tell by the fact charles and max also, like, exist now) it's sitting at ~8k words rn, which is by far the longest thing I've ever written in my life already, but story isn't even close to being finished, so yeah it'll take a while lmao

for now though I have some character designs and lots of thoughts, which I'd like to share :3

ramblings about their individual designs and details below the cut!!

and massive thank you to my dear partner @lailau7904 for not only holding my hand through writing the fic so far but somehow being even more insane about this whole AU than I am???

LANDO

main character (and POV holder) his design isn't based on any real fish, closest resemblance is to a fake fishing lure (reference provided)

very little scarring despite sirens' hunting culture, some tiny cuts and scratches around the top of his tail from smuggling pretty stones and shards of glass

absurdly bright green scales (I really could've made him fluorescent but I think that would be overkill) which is absurdly shit for stealth purposes but good for catching the attention of potential victims

vague triangle shape language but in a semi-elegant way

doesn't eat fish and would rather not eat human either

MAX

fills the position of a leader in his and Lando's colony, inherited the role in his late teens but grew up to it pretty quickly

shark motif, all sharp and angular shapes, visibly intimidating

lots of scars collected during hunts, wounds covered over by red scales from Charles

his scales are pretty dark but they shine blue when the light hits them just right (plus Charles' scales are a bright red lmao, which is a bit suboptimal for stealth but he thinks it's worth it)

CHARLES

koi fish motif, soft and round shapes

no scarring at all

has known Max since they were kids but actually didn't meet Lando until their 20s despite Max and Lando being childhood best friends

considered legally dead by monegasque officials (this has lore reasons which I'm not about to spoil)

GENERAL NOTES

the AU plays in a modern setting, altough sirens are very behind on human technology

their gills are on the side of their ribs! they can also all breathe with their lungs above water

funky scales patterns on their torsos around "modified" areas such as their gills and back fin

they have no hands but don't let that fool you! I was simply too lazy to draw any, what you would see if I did draw them tho would include:

webbing between fingers!! matches the colour of fins

longer, and more solid, claw-like nails

wrinkled palms and fingertips

I really wanted to make Max and Charles' torsos more life accurate but could not be arsed, they all have Lando's body type, aka I've accidentally twinkified Charles and Max lmao

by now you might have noticed that there's no design for Oscar, and as much as I really want to make a siren design for him that would have some pretty heavy lore implications so I'm... hesitant to do so

other people on my sirenification waiting list are:

George Russell and Alex Albon (for the 2019 rookies circle to be complete)

Franco Colapinto (based purely off vibes)

the whole grid really god I'm so ill

for the record Logan is a human in this AU but he IS present fuck you James Vowles

you may have also noticed the papaya version I labeled as McLaren themed (this one is also the highest quality image I have in this thread if you're gonna do any zooming in please do it on this one,,,,)

all throughout writing and drawing I couldn't help but think about another banger siren!Lando fic: Salt Skin by @strawberry-daiquiris! in which Lando has orange slash papaya scales, which I just had to draw honestly

a lot of my design process was also inspired by a piece by @dumbf1sketches (it's somewhere in the pile of other gorgeous art in that post)

bonus underwater version of all of them because it wasn't bright enough for me to feel good about it being at the top but it's still like, the main colour example to my brain

TAGLIST(S)

AU @mintraindrop @cx-boxbox (I know the og post is from actual ages ago but you two were interested so I humbly offer you these crumbs)

ART @santongkabayo @cyclonixi @alto-the-avocado @loquarocoeur

people that put up with my ramblings on dc @lyslsstuff @peppysinc @girlrussell

[mkfshard]

Love Thy Neighbor, or: Things I Want To Say But Speaking Is Messy And Writing Is Precise

For people who believe in souls, you reaaaaally put a lot of stock in bodies, don't you? For those who live according to the flesh set their minds on the things of the flesh, but those who live according to the Spirit, the things of the Spirit.

That's in your book, did you forget?

But of course the spirit is the mind is the spirit, and the mind is an emergent property of the brain which is made of flesh, so when we say 'soul' we're making a distinction for the sake of personal comfort. The wishful thinking that some part of you exists apart from you, that the you you know is just a puppet that your true puppetmaster self controls, as though the strings that tug you around aren't coming from inside.

And damn, that really does sound nice, doesn't it? Who wouldn't want that to set down the strings once in a while, just exist as the puppetmaster, free of the body's tyranny at last?

This isn't to say that the mind isn't special, especially because without it, we would have any idea what 'special' meant, or what any of these other strings of symbols meant, or the concept of 'meant'. The mind is what made all this up. And the mind can remake it, if it wishes.

Dad, when did you first know that you were a man? I don't actually care about the answer, but I'm sure you think you did. I'm sure you think you have no choice.

Would you like to know when I first knew I was a man?

I never did, I do not, and I don't expect to.

Every time someone cut my hair for me when I really didn't want it cut, every time I got stuffed into a suit and my aunts called me 'such a handsome little boy', every time someone said 'you're a guy, you should be able to do this, you shouldn't be such a wimp', every single goddamn follicle on my face has rung absolutely hollow.

And let me make this entirely unambiguous: this isn't low self-esteem. I actually think I'm pretty great, now that I've accomplished some things and understand myself a bit better.

Whenever I was held to some unreasonable masculine standard and fell short, I got frustrated, yeah. Not because of the falling short, but because of the standard. Not once did I feel like they should apply to me at all, or to anyone, for that matter. Not once did they ever feel fair, or aspirational. I had no interest in them. I knew they never applied to me, before I even had the words or the concepts to articulate why.

People know who they are, full stop. There is no greater authority regarding the content of an individual's mind than that individual. From the moment I could conceive of myself as a self, I knew I would never be a man, even though for years I never had a valid alternative. I know that trans people are who they say they are because I know at least half of what they feel, and that is enough.

You want to declare to me my own thoughts? You want to tell me that gender and sex are synonymous, when you refuse to look at what people way smarter than you have to say on the matter? You want to tell me that my true self is an ethereal puppetmaster piloting my body, but essential aspects of that puppetmaster are inextricably and irrevocably tied to the fact that I have a thing between my legs?

Fuck off. Your imaginations are blinkered and withered. You can watch Star Trek all day and think that the message of the post-scarcity spaceship that speaks of capitalism with all the disgust of hindsight and frequently meets aliens that defy our rigid social conventions or exaggerate them to show their flaws... is that the militaristic authority of a wise captain and the organization to which He belongs is paramount, and all the rest is just quirky window dressing.

Mom, you said two funny things to me, and they've stuck in my head for the longest time. To paraphrase, the first was an ~idealistic dream~: 'I wish people didn't feel like they were restricted in what they could do because of their [gender/sex]. People should just live how they like instead of transitioning.'

The more I think about this, the more insane it gets. The first part, yeah! Hell yeah! Arbitrary things like that shouldn't have any bearing on what you're allowed to do!

And then the next part. The true sentiment. Because, no, you don't actually want people doing whatever they want, regardless of their [gender/sex]. If you did, you wouldn't have any problem with the drag queens that make no overtures of being trans at all.

You present this as a utopian dream precisely because you don't believe it'll ever happen, and don't really want it to. You want to give them the whole beach to walk on, then draw a line in the sand an inch from their toes.

The second thing you said, I think I'll save for the end.

For now, it's back to Dad, and something he said. We were talking about masculinity, and a possible project I had in mind; I was considering trying to post videos online, in places frequented by guys who are like who I used to be. Surrounded by ridiculous ideas of masculinity, not having the words or the understanding to work through their feelings, easy prey for the scum of the earth manosphere types who I'm sure I would've been introduced to, had they existed back when I was like that. I wanted to show them that they could embrace the good parts of masculinity, if they wanted to, and discard and disdain the bad. I wanted to show them that masculinity itself can be optional. 'A man' is not something I am, it's something I do; something as easily worn and removed as a ratty old hat, and exactly as valuable in my life.

For the most part, Dad, you were pretty supportive. You said that it would be good for young guys to have a patient, positive role model. Like Jordan Peterson, you said, have you heard of him? Have you heard of Charlie Fucking Kirk?

Yes, yes I have, but that's beside the point. The point is when I was talking at length about masculinity being optional, and you said something, paraphrased, 'For men who don't want to take charge/be a provider/other random masculine things... I don't know what to do with that.'

You... don't know what to do with that? Okay! Sure, that's a good starting point, you've identified something you don't know. Let's figure it out!

Except that the thought ended there. A few seconds after that moment, it dawned on me that your 'I don't know' wasn't a boundless plain of possibility, to you-- it was a yawning cliff, beyond which there was no hope of return. Because you're clinging to a narrow precipice that tells you that the world has certain rules, and you know that some of them are wrong! The one that says 'guys who don't act As Guys Should are failures and should be mocked and ostracized' is one you clearly reject, because you don't think that people should be treated that way.

It's just that you don't have any other rules that talk about them. You don't have the words. They're down the cliff, and the climb down is scary. But please, god, don't be afraid. Once you're on solid ground there's no fear of falling.

Nothing about it can really hurt you, in the end. Nothing about it does, because it exists all around you anyway, in ways you can't perceive. News sites run by the hateful convince you that people who aren't like you are going to ruin the world, and they're doing it NOW, and they present you with all the Logic:tm: and Reason:tm: flavored phrases they need to assure you that fear is the proper response, and to give you stock things to say when you're confronted on that fear, to prevent you from thinking the uncomfortable thought of what if I'm wrong?

But sometimes, something honest slips through. Sometimes, I push hard enough to finally get at the core of all the arguments and moving goalposts you put in my way. Mom, we watched the movie Nimona together, a delightful and touching movie that you wholeheartedly enjoyed until I tried to talk with you afterwards about what it all meant. I think you were angry, because, through my associating that movie with Things You Are Not Meant To Think About, you had to retroactively ruin your own enjoyment of it. I'm not sorry, because I'm not the one at fault for that.

But because you were angry, you said something about trans people that I will never forget. Even inevitably paraphrased, since my memory is not flawless, the honesty shines through. I don't remember what I said, something about you not wanting trans people to exist, but I remember your response.

'I don't care whether or not they exist. I just don't want them to exist where I can see them.'

Here it is. The shining nugget of evil inside you. The heart of bigotry.

On some level, you know that their existence isn't harmful. You know that they're not corrupting children with their sinful existence, you know they're not predators in bathrooms and are in fact more likely to be victimized, you know that they mean you no harm and that all the arguments against them are spurious. You know that they're not just lying to upset their parents.

None of that matters. What matters, underneath everything, peeling back all context and specificity, is that they make you, personally, uncomfortable. And so when someone tells you they can take you back to a time when you didn't have to think about their existence, whatever that means, you follow them without question. Whatever it takes to get them to stop.

Your arguments are not real. They're a smokescreen. You decided on your stance first, based on your own sense of disgust, whether that came from your religion or just your own terror at the world's true complexity, and then looked for whatever faulty evidence that wouldn't stand up to peer review to justify it.

Comfort itself isn't wrong. If I could start working towards a body that truly corresponded to who I am, one that I could feel comfortable in, I would do so in a heartbeat. It just so happens that, at least for now, that's literally impossible because my preferred body is just an undefined value.

But when your comfort is dependent on someone not being allowed to do something that affects only them, and hurts no one except that it makes you uncomfortable to see it, I honestly couldn't care less.

May every pair of girls you see on TV kiss. May trans flags haunt your every waking moment. May you be left with no 'safe' media to retreat to, may you be forced to grow the fuck up, my 50+ year old parents.

My trans friends mean you no harm, and in fact would probably love to meet you, if you didn't think that they don't really exist, or think that they shouldn't exist, or think that they need to be silent, miserable, or dead. Conversion therapy doesn't work, by the way, just wanted to throw that out there.

I miss you. I want to be friends again. I want you to be people I'm proud of being friends with.

But as it stands, you've already seen the last of me. I'll still be there, of course, but only me, and even that fading. You won't know about any relationships or friends I have. If I ever have children of my own, you won't ever know if I can help it. You're just not safe people to expose my loved ones to.

I wish it wasn't the case. But it is. And you're the only people with the power to fix it.

If for no other reason than that you want me in your life, I hope you do.

[styrmwb]

I beat Final Fantasy Tactics Advance

This might be the longest game from start to finish I've ever played

Not in the sense that this is a long game but in the fact that this is the first real game I ever played (I'm sorry, I'm not considering pc learning programs for baby), and it took me approximately 18-19 years to get around to Finally beating it. It's very funny to say that my first experience into gaming was a strategy game. I also think that somewhere, deep down in my heart, this planted the seed for what games I ended up loving in my present. Experiencing this game with an adult mind was ALMOST a fresh experience, yet I uncovered a lot of old memories and experiences during it.

This game is goddamn addicting. I Genuinely had so much trouble putting it down at times because I just Kept Wanting To Play. Let me explain to you my thoughts :)

Gameplay

I love RPGs to the bottom of my heart; HOWEVER. I have Always Always Always HATED gear management. I don't think I ever truly appreciated it in a game until Final Fantasy IX, where equipping gear and holding onto it taught you abilities permanently. It made me care about my gear and when to equip it more than just stat buffs and "yeah I guess I'll get fire immunity whatever". I LOVE that system so much. Another system that I love to the bottom of my heart (also an FF Classic but Dragon Quest gave me this too) is the job/class system. The freedom of changing my characters to be whatever I want and to mix and match their abilities is so fun and leads to a lot of flavor and mechanics. Final Fantasy V does it the best imo. So what do I get here? I get 2 of my favorite RPG mechanics of all time put into one!!! The reason this game is so addicting is it's basically to me character building simulator. I am constantly thinking about job paths, what I want each of my guys to be, how much time am I putting them in battles and spreading across their usage and swapping gear to maximize AP gains and make a small army of broken warriors. It's an absolute joy. The base gameplay is super solid too which helps. I mean, I love strategy RPGs (I am, unfortunately, a Fire Emblem bitch), so you literally can't go wrong with it.

I loved the jobs in this game. In fact, I'm gonna be a big nerd and tell you about my whole clan because this is MY post and I make the rules

Marche - Paladin/Fighter: World's Strongest Child. Fighter's damage output is insane, and has a wide range of abilities that helped out with its accuracy or distance, as well as just some meaty hits to annihilate. I went into Paladin just for some extra defense, and was also blessed with some good support skills and a stupid strong nuke in Holy Blade.

Montblanc - Mog Knight/Juggler: To be real here, I fucked up with this dude. I Did Not know what I wanted to do with him, and messed his stats up a little as a result. But Juggler is such a good support unit, especially with Dagger's disable + damage and Smile's instant turn ratio. Mog Knight did not perform how I wanted it to, but it has funny ability names.

Nikolai - Hunter/Archer: As I mentioned before, I'm a Fire Emblem bitch; and what that means is that I'm used to archers sucking shit (fuck you Python hit your damned shots). I was NOT expecting the bowman here to be as goated as he was. The utility of the aim abilities from damage boosting to disabling the enemy, as well as hunt's huge monster damage, this dude was a prime stay throughout the entire playthrough.

Chelney - Dragoon/Gladiator: This guy took a bit to load up, but once he did, holy shit. Absolute damage demon. Dragoon's wide range of AOE abilities + spear usage given some extra strength and smaller focus when needed from Gladiator, on top of the insane movement I gave him meant I had a Bangaa missile land wherever I wanted it to.

Eugene - Sage/White Mage/Beastmaster (when needed): Another unit I didn't really do optimally. White Mage is obviously a great support as it always is, but I genuinely thought Sage was gonna be a support type. Instead I got some damage skills (which to be fair were nice to have) that were super rare to find and didn't feel really BEEFY. Beastmaster was mostly there to support the Blue Mage.

Gertrude - Red Mage/Summoner: The early playthrough goat and 1/2 of the reason why I think Viera units are the best units in the game. Red Mage's wide variety of abilities came in clutch, as well as the bit of Fencer I gave her at first to cover both magic and physical. Then came Summoner, which was just "haha drop a big explosion". THEN I got Doublecast. "HAHA DROP TWO BIG EXPLOSIONS". Very very very fun unit, I just wish she actually managed to hit more. I blame myself for not giving her more movement to get behind the enemy.

Skimble - Time Mage/Black Mage: The epitome of a glass cannon, Poor Skimble could nuke anyone he saw but kept constantly getting targeted and killed. I actually did really like this mix of jobs because he could pull off support and damage well whenever I needed.

Gotwald - Bishop/White Monk: Not the most used unit, but a VERY fun combination of jobs. Bishop is like, Good Sage, with its healing and damage magic, and then the White Monk abilities balanced it out with some physical attacks as needed and Revive. Thematically it all balances out very well, I loved this.

Gallahad - Ninja: Another unit I didn't really know what to do with. He started out as a thief but I never really liked stealing in games (mainly cause it just never seemed worth the trouble). It was worth it to get to Ninja, though. His damage output, especially once I unlocked Double Sword was insane. The utility of Ninja Skills are also awesome, I just wish he could land them.

Agatha - Assassin/Sniper: I lied when I said Gertrude was 1/2 of what convinced me Vieras were the best. Agatha is 5/6ths of what convinced me of this fact. Having her in Sniper was already really solid with Doubleshot, Death Scythe, Aim:Weapon, etc (a really funny combo was dooming someone then using Montblanc to speed up their turns and thus their demise.) But then Assassin? Holy shit. Literally just instantly killing anything across the field, dashing around at mach speed, everything in her range. Once I mastered Ultima Buster and gave her back a greatbow, everyone was just "am I going to Last Breath or Ultima Buster you? You get one shot either way". Insane unit.

Karl - Gunner/Animist: This is such a fun long range hide in the back of the map combo. Gunner has surprisingly crazy damage, and it can keep up that damage AND cause statuses. Animist rounds it out nicely with the self heal and AOE attacks (oh I can't shoot you? Get Chocobo'd, idiot.)

Nobel - Blue Mage/Fighter: This is a Blue Mage that is 1000% worth the investment. You don't even need all the spells. Matra Magic is one of the funniest spells in a strategy game I've ever used, and even beyond that I had Twister and Dragon Force. Fighter was there to give them extra meat for their attack based spells, as well as no MP options because Damage > MP is a thing and is good.

That was my clan, and I feel like most everyone got their time to shine (even if certain bunnies and lizards got a little more than others). There are some jobs I wish I got to experience a little more but I just couldn't put the investment into it. Illusionist and Alchemist are a couple that I think I could have cooked with in an alternate timeline; Templar as well. Gadgeteer scares me, but a luck based affect everyone class is really funny conceptually. I also really appreciated how throughout the game, the base jobs weren't always invalidated, and they had their place when needed.

I think building characters, while it is the part I enjoyed the most through the game, is very much sunk cost. You gotta just invest in your guys from the get go cause nobody you recruit later is going to even out just due to amount of abilities.

Other gameplay things I liked: customizable map is really cool. I ended up going with an optimized guide just cause I wanted treasure and I know I don't play games more than once often so I was going for full 100%, but as a replayability feature it's SO cool. I also actually quite enjoyed the little bit of time management that was there; it reminded me of Persona. Hold off to accept this mission cause I can't make it in time to do these other couple, plan out my optimal route to hit as many or as little battles as I could in this period. Map navigation was an actual part of the game which was cool.

The Law system gives me feelings so complicated. Thematically, it's very cool and fits in perfectly in the world (or I should say the world is built around it very well.) And theoretically, it really gives you incentive to switch around your units and plan out their growth. But in my experience, 80% of the time it was just annoying? (which again, flavor wise, VERY accurate). Like there were times where I got hit with "do not hit animals go to jail" on a mission I did not know was exclusively full of animals. I also don't think they were the clearest things at times, and you really do just have to get punished to find out the limits of stuff. It's not The Worst, but I don't think I had a lot of fun with it. Except when it prevented the enemies from doing something that was hilarious. Stupid Illusionist can't do anything when target all is illegal lmfao

To tie in two previous points, I think Jagds were a very cool area. The trade off of no laws but for permadeath is neat, and those zones actually gave me fear and made me try to plan and prepare when I went around them. I also have a memory of my childhood playthrough losing my favorite guy so I didn't want a repeat of that hahaha. But I think the permadeath eventually becomes WAY more of a punishment than it should be due to how hard raising a character is. One wrong move, and the guy you put dozens of hours and AP into is gone. I will say, this game absolutely made me anal about saving constantly, so that might be good? Maybe?

Two things I can strictly say I disliked, were the randomness and dispatch missions/mission items. When it comes to randomness, I feel like I was really blocked out of certain things just because I couldn't get the units or items I wanted. I didn't get the chance to recruit a second Viera for so long, which sucks when jobs are race based. (I read somewhere that it was based off month but I found that out way too late). Items as well; when abilities are locked to gear, you Need gear to reach potentials. But I barely got any Sage weapons, I was losing out on a lot of ice magic cause I just couldn't get the items, and I literally never got to figure out how to steal said weapons cause I didn't get the weapon to do that. It bothered me. Mission items are the absolute bane of my existence. I HATED them. You need them for so many missions, but those missions will appear WAY before you can even get the items, and some items are one time get only meaning you can screw yourself out of everything, which I hated. Yes, I know that if I was playing this back in the day (and if I had friends when I was playing this back in the day), you could trade and link for items, but as a solo player, it just doesn't work. The mystery difficulty of dispatch missions sucked too. I had to look up the formula just to figure out how to make something guaranteed to win.

I think this wins the award for Game With Gameplay I Actually Really Cared For And Had Opinions About 2024

Story + Characters

As a kid, I really didn't think about the story at all even though I could read it just fine. I was just a small one who named his character ABCDabcdef and had fun moving my guys around (also god damn I was a lot smarter than I thought considering how far I got) My adult brain though, was actually able to appreciate what this game was. I think it offers a really interesting inversion on the Isekai genre, before the Isekai genre even blew up. What if the main character wanted to go home? For a GBA game in 2003, I feel like this was surprisingly... profound? is that the word? I'm not saying it was the greatest piece of media ever written, in fact I think there were a couple areas where I would have liked a little more clarification/details, but like, for what it is. It's really cool.

Marche I think is an interesting character. He felt very... responsible. Like "haha ok guys we had our fun but we Need to go back." He was able to call the bullshit on the world, and try to pull everything back to reality. I felt this even further reading about his backstory and relationship to his family. Sure, he had freedom, but he dedicated his effort To his brother, and his mother, to make them happy, even at the cost of his own. He's a character that I very much appreciated and related to. Although, I think I would have liked more to his motivation. A stronger reason behind his intense want to go home.

Ritz and Doned were fine. I like them, but there isn't much To them. Ritz was a cool, strong character who I liked how she never backed down from her wants, and Doned hit close to my heart, being a very accurate younger brother; and I felt for him, "gaining" the health he always wanted. I really liked the scene between him and Marche fighting about what the other has. But they didn't get to show up much, which stinks, and in Ritz's case especially I wish her motivation was a little stronger.

Mewt I think was the perfect character to cause this story and this world. I completely understood his struggles between the bullying and the loss of his mother, seeing the struggles of his father, and wanting that all to go away, dealing with, or more aptly NOT dealing with the pain by running away from it. His mental state literally shaped the world, from the laws of the land to creating an overpowered coping mechanism in the form of him but backwards (fuck you Llednar you're too damn strong).

This game has a good Cid. I expected him to be a shithead, but in the real world he was just depressed and in Ivalice he was actually really honorable.

Montblanc and Shara were both good friends to their respective child, but I do wish they both had a little more background/depth. (I also wish that Shara hit literally any of her shots come on I wasted a unit slot on you)

Both the Nu Mou surprised me; Babus actually made me feel for the dude, clearly caring about his prince and fighting for him; his behavior and appearance made me think he was Mewt's stuffed animal given life. Ezel's fucking hilarious, this dude said FUCK the government, laws are no fun at all. I love that dude so much.

I don't have much to say about Remedi, as she's literally an extension of Mewt. She serves her role as being that physical incarnation of a metaphysical concept to plunge your sword into that every FF game needs.

To kinda summarize my point, I did like everything, and I thought there were a lot of cool concepts. The game made me feel feelings, it plucked at my heart a little. But it's not as deep as I would have liked, I don't think. Granted, this is a GBA game. I'm not expecting Shakespeare or anything, but if we ever got a remake or something? I'd love some expansion.

Apart from the main story, I actually quite enjoyed the background story of Clan Borzoi. These guys are being menaces, you defeat them, and through reading the rumors and dispatch missions, you find out their leader runs away in a boat you helped him with, only for him to come back 4x as evil, bringing fiends and becoming a fucking vampire. It was honestly a joy and a side plot that Did Not need to be there but I loved.

The post game 100% completion judge storyline was fun too. We get more Cid screentime AND we get to fight against the law being shitty and corrupt which you always love to see.

Art

I love this game's art style and direction. The portraits, the way everyone looks, is so fun, it's cartoony and unique. The monster designs are so special yet still recognizably classic. The game itself is really colorful and vibrant which makes it a joy to look at, especially as I can't tear myself away from playing it.

Even the animations just make me really happy to look at, although I recognize part of that is nostalgia. The spells are fun, like the demi squishy circle, or the Illusionist full screen hellfests (Stardust is the best one). Even the summon animations, for being on a GBA game, had that classic FF sense of grandness, power, and being over the top. I love looking at this game.

Music

It's amazing how even through the GBA sounds, this is very recognizably a Sakimoto soundtrack. I can feel that grand feeling that the XII OST gives me in the form of beeps and boops. I don't care what some people say, I love the way the GBA sounds, and I think this game has a very good soundtrack. The title theme lives in my head rent free, as well as the bar theme. Marche's theme is also probably one of my favorites, being a slower piece compared to most of the game.

Stranger of Paradise: Final Fantasy Origin

See it's funny cause Marche is a stranger in paradise and I'm about to talk about the origins of Final Fantasy

Go play the silly Jack game dammit

I never truly appreciated how FF this game is. I will preface this by saying I Have Not played the original Tactics yet (I should have done it before Advance but childhood experiences win the matchup low diff), so my experiences are mainly second hand, that might affect some of my outlook. But as I was saying, this game feels INCREDIBLY classic Final Fantasy. Between the monsters, the jobs, the colorful nature of the game, the references to previous characters (I saw the four fiends! And Gilgame[sh]!) the fantastical aspects over the more serious political drama, I get the same vibes as the first few FF games, which makes me happy. I honestly feel like this game feels more FF than XII does (I am not saying XII is not an FF game it obviously is).

Speaking of XII, it is INSANE how much Tactics Advance brought to that game, and how little credit I feel the general public attributes to it. Like, This Game Came First. This game created Viera, Bangaa, Nu Mou. This game had Montblanc and Nono. This game had the Giza Plains. This game had monsters like Carrot. This game created Judges! So much of XII's identity is Tactics, and playing through this made me realize that even more of it is still Tactics. We wouldn't have Fran, we wouldn't have Gabranth, without Tactics Advance, and I wish this game got the respect it was due.

Shoutouts to XIV being the only game to acknowledge it in the form of Clan Nutsy. (I'm retroactively mad at Theatrhythm for not doing ANYTHING)

Post Too Long! Red Card: Go To Prison!

I'm so glad I finally got to finish this game, and complete a mission that I've had since I was a kid. I specifically remember giving up on the Llednar -> Mateus combo, and now here I am, 100% completion.

I can absolutely see why I put so much time into this game; it's addicting, and it has so many features and aspects of games that I love put into one package, even if there are bits I could do without.

The game as a whole feels ahead of its time, and even beyond the console it was on, and I hope one day it can get the recognition it deserves, rather than only getting a rerelease on the Wii U. I do recommend any FF fan to play this game. To finish off the post, I would say;

8/10. An absolutely addicting fun time and a key point in the history of my favorite franchise, as well as my own life. It's got some frustrations and imperfections, but it's such a solid experience.

[unreadpoppy]

Saw a video and it got me in a mood so i'm making this post.

I don't think people who have never been fat knows how fucking hard it is to find clothing for bigger bodies.

The first issue is finding stuff in your actual size. Because time after time after time and time again I've gone to a store and they only had small and medium sizes. Not even large. And this was not for a few clothes, no. It was for MOST clothes that I found interesting. And then the ones that were marked as large were simply not big enough.

And I know that the reason for that is that brands simply won't make clothes for fat people. It's that because it surely isn't because the large size is selling out fast. They just don't do it. And some people have the nerve to say 'well brands are not obligated to make sizes for everyone' yeah sure, but also, I can't walk naked on the street can I?

Like I don't get it. 'oh but we want our clothes to fit a especific body' so fucking make clothes that are supposed to fit bigger bodies. Doesn't have a to be a whole ass collection.

And then we get on the second problem which is making clothes for plus size people that are ugly as hell. It's always the same stuff: ugly florals, animal print that belongs in another decade, cold shoulders, that weird extra fabric at the end of a shirt to hide the belly, or just black/muted colors.

Like fun fact. If you have big boobs, the hardest thing in the world is trying to find a bra that comes in a color that isn't white, black or beige. Because trust me, I've spent 3 hours walking in the shopping mall and I couldn't find anything that fit my breasts that was like pink (and in that situation I needed a pink bra for a play).

It feels like most clothes made for plus sized people are designed with like 50+ year old white women in mind, and not even that demographic of people are wearing those clothes (my mom is a plus sized 50+ year old white woman and often talks about how ugly some clothes made for people her size are).

It's hard trying to develop your own sense of style when none of the clothes around you are in your size, and when they do, they are just not good looking to you.

But you wanna know what's the down right worst part? Do you know what fucking brand has clothes that look good and are amde for bigger bodies?

The goddamn cancer on this earth that is Shein.

I fucking hate shein. Fast fashion is killin the fashion industry, they literally have people working as slaves and many influecers buy shein clothes by the bulk only to then throw it in the trash. Shein is awful.

But. Unfortunetly, shein is the only place that I found that had clothes that fit me and looked good. I don't like that. I avoided buying from shein for the longest time ever, but jesus christ, when you can't find clothes anywhere else you get desperate.

I tried looking for other places. I tried looking at my local clothing stores and everything was too small for me. I tried looking at online small bussinesses but they either didn't make my size, or it was sold out, or the prices were very high. Tried looking at thrift stores, also didn't find my size.

I try not to buy too much from shein or to spend long periods of time in between buying, because again, I feel bad about buying there. I don't want to buy from there.

Clothing brands/stores gotta do better. And I don't think that's asking for too much.

[madness-of-void]

The Cosplay Progress (?)

Okay...I'm doing it. I'm showing off the hot mess of progress of the possibly decent, or absolutely hot garbage, cosplay of my version of human!Ink. I do have a nice chunk of the items for the cosplay - just gotta put it together. Most of the putting together can be done in a day, and I have until July to finish it all, soooo...we'll see how this goes! ^^;

Now I'll just post updates maybe every other day, or once a week, since I do have most of it in hand. And it will all be under the cut, since it'll long as fuck. So, without further ado, let's begin, shall we?

First off, this is probably the most ambitious cosplay I've ever done. Normally I do something easy. Examples: Stiles from TW, casual Keith from VLD, and recently (for Halloween) genocide route Frisk. debating on positing what garbo pics i have of those

Flowerfell!Frisk? Probably the most complex I've done, and only because I had to have help make a flower crown, actually use fabric glue for the flowers and little heart on the shorts and flower on the mask , painted up a random prop stick I had lying around no idea why i had that , and did a little bit of faint make-up. And ended up with this:

bad pic i know but it's all i got of the full thing where i don't look like a drowned rat coz goddamn it was hot af

So after that, for some damned reason, I decided it would be a GREAT idea to do a difficulty jump and do Ink! Yaaaaay...I'm so smart. I have been looking at this as a reference for what I need mostly coz i had it saved on my phone already , which has been both motivation to get this done...but also a little intimidating. But I'm already too far into this. Can't back out now!

Anyways, enough rambling! Let's start with the first update on this silly thing!

HOODIE

So, firstly, I already had my eye on the Ink hoodie from @simakai's shop! I already have the Underfell one that I used for my Flowerfell!Frisk cosplay. I also have the Outertale hoodie, bi pride hoodie, and ace pride hoodie all from Simakai! They are all amazing hoodies, and I actually just bought Epic's hoodie from their new shop! Definitely check them out! They're comfy, well made, and I'll admit I wear my Outertale and Underfell hoodies out sometimes.

The pic doesn't do it justice (hence all the millions of links above), but tada! The hoodie! My biggest worry is maybe tripping on the scarf, but I think I can manage. place your bets coz my ass clumsy

Also, there is a little surprise in it!

Twas quite the laughing jumpscare when I was messing with the pockets.

And that's it for update 1! Stay tuned for more. >:3

~+~

Update 2 time!

Apologies for how garbage the pics are for this part. Space was a mess at the time, and I'm too lazy to redo it. With that out of the way...let's ramble!

PANTS

So, next to the sash for the vials, this was surprisingly the hardest thing for me to find. I couldn't find anything that looked "just right". The first pair that I bought did look just right...but the color was way off. Way too bright from what was advertised. Took me a while to find another pair, and I actually bought two more. one of which i may use for a ftfo!ink Now, the next pair is the right color...but it's just a nice pair of sweats/joggers. Which is a bit of a bummer, but seeings how I cannot sew/make a full blown pair of pants (can barely sew at all), and my stepmom (who can sew) isn't that insanely skilled, they will have to do.

Here is a pic of the pants side-by-side coz for the longest time I was going to go with the first pair I bought. But after putting it together with the top...no. Just...no. Did not look good. You'll have to take my word for it.

And before you ask, yes. I will have assistance sewing on the little suspenders. That will be two separate posts on their own in the future! It won't be just plain brown pants.

So that's it for update 2! Stay tuned for more! if you want i ain't forcing ya lols

~+~

Update number 3! Wooooo!

And it is actually really boring.

Like...royally boring. sorry?

GLOVES

So these were a bit easy to get. Granted, I did buy two pairs, because I couldn't decided initially. It was only after trying them on that I could make a decision.

They are a bit long, but I can live with that. especially coz I am not planning on doing the tatts, that would end terribly And, yes, they are missing that little piece on the pinky. Just like the pants are missing the suspenders. And just like with those, I will be having assistance sewing that piece on!

I could show you want I have of that, but I'm planning on making that one big update.

Okay! That's it! Stay tuned for update 4!

~+~

Update 4! Not another exciting one again. The more exciting ones will slowly trickle in. depending on what you define as exciting

Anywho! Update 4!

SHOES

Yes. Shoes. I know our favorite souless bean doesn't wear shoes anymore...but I have to. No need to get my toes all messed up! Especially at this convention center. Walking around there can be a nightmare! Closed toed or not. 😭

Anyway!

Shoes!

They were sadly kind of expensive, but these were the closest I could find that kind of fit for what I was going for and i looked at custom ones first. Plus, I will be wearing these outside of the cosplay. So I get shoes for cosplay, and shoes for whenever I wanna wear them - a win-win.

But, one more thing! I will also I guess ruin them, in a way. How will I ruin them? Well...I was thinking of adding more splatter to them. Plus, see that pesky logo? Welp...I also had an idea for that.

And I'll just leave this update at that. >:3

~+~

Update 5! Long time coming, I know. But a lot of what I have left are bigger pieces that have a few extra things I gotta do, and I just haven't been focused on doing them. But since I'm actually going to finish this one this weekend, I decided to show the unfinished product. With that being said, here we go!

VIALS

These were actually so hard to find! I couldn't find anything that worked! And I originally started looking during the Halloween season, too! When these type of things would be more around. But everything was either way too big or just straight up decorative glass. Which...yeah. Would not do!

Eventually, after searching for ages, I found these on Etsy.

They're originally for necklaces, which, even though they are glass, they're hopefully a tad more sturdy. And, if things work out, I'll have a perfect way to keep them in the sash! We shall see.

I also found these!

Figured it would be fun to have little earrings on human!Ink.

Now, for the paints in the vials, I was having a hard idea what to do. Part of me wanted to put real paint in there. Yeaaaaah...probably not the best idea. But I finally figured it out, and I'll be working on it this weekend!

Stay tuned for the final look!

~+~

Hello hello hello! Tis time for the final rush post of the process! It's all the final stuff, so yay. Pics of the full cosplay will be up either later on after the con, or the day after.

So, without further ado...here we go!

PANTS PART II

Tada! Simple little thing. Probably one of the easiest to do with the whole shebang. And the straps?

Ribbon. Ain't that neat? XD

GLOVES PART II

So this was a bit tricky. I had cloth from an old t-shirt to do for the pinky, but it kept making the sewing machine freak the fuck out since it's such a small piece. I did have backups of gloves that i could wear under the brown ones and cut off all the other fingers. Unfortunately, the two pairs I got turned out to be bright, obnoxious blue instead of the sort of teal-ish/mint color as advertised. So I had to get a third pair, which was a darker green and sheer. Not exactly what I wanted, but eh. Oh well. Creative liberties!

Here is the final result! I had to cut the pinky on the brown gloves too so it looked a little better. And the nail polish is close to what they'll be at the con, just more cleaned up.

SHOES PART II

Okay! Shoes! These came out a little better than I thought they would! And they were fortunately very easy to do. (Which I needed after a few things causing issues)

Tada! Fun little nod to his old shoes (before he had nada)! And of course the black "ink". The paint refused to splatter like I wanted, but oh well. Still pretty happy about it.

VIALS PART II

These actually proved to be more difficult than I anticipated. Many coats were needed, and even then they sort of still smeared oddly. Despite that, they turned out pretty great! I especially love the ink vial earrings. Those definitely were difficult due to their size.

SASH

Whoo-hoo! The sash! Fortunately, my stepmom is a sewing whiz and she helped a great deal with making sure this part of the cosplay came to be. So, here is the sash before:

Definitely was a bit rough, since the Joanne's we went to lost all momentum to care since the bankruptcy filing. And it did fray a little bit upon the cutting of the pattern. Not enough to absolutely ruin it, thank hell.

Here is the final result:

(Sorry about the poor lighting, I really had nowhere else to get a decent pic)

Tada! Vials in sash! Thankfully, they all are snug as a bug in a rug in those pockets! .... With super glue. Really didn't have a choice on that front. Still, for something as ambitious as this, something I definitely went clueless in to, happy it turned out as good as it did.

(Stepmom saved ass with this one ❤️)

WIG

Okay! This...this bitch...was a nightmare. I had never styled a wig before, and for some reason thought it would be a good idea if I did! Had a nice tutorial vid all qued up and thought I was all set! Except...the wig was an absolute tangled mess and took ages to untangle. It was also the second wig I had bought, coz the first one, for some unknown reason, was more purple than advertised. So wig number two, I had to buy in a hurry and it was a tad cheap since I'm on a bit of a budget (moving at the start of August ftw).

But, finally, after hours of fighting with this beast, this is the end result:

The braid will be pulled back into the makeshift ponytail, since I actually do have to pull it back up once it is secured onto my head, but otherwise this is the final result. The blue and pink (squint and you'll see it) are extensions I added, which also proved to be a challenge. Still proud of it all for someone who has never done more than brush a wig before! Though, never again. At least for a long ass while. ;_; thank you Dust for being an easy cosplay for next year

MAKEUP

I can't really show the full makeup I have to do until, well, it's all done, but I have tried it all out and hooray! It all works! So, instead, here is the nice pile I will have to use:

We got two different shade of eyeshadow, since I can't do colored contacts. My eyeballs are...very weird. Only one eye will allow a colored contact, and I did not wanna waste money to only use one contact. So one eye will have green eyeshadows, and the other will have yellow eyeshadows.

There's also gonna be blue eyeliner with the green eye having it on the underlid, and they yellow eye having it on the upper lid. To make it all "whimsical" and "silly".

There's a pencil liner to create the inkblot shape, black face paint to fill it in, and black eyeshadow to help make it even darker. i am a master of doing some cool shit with eyeshadow

I have two different sprays to help keep the makeup on longer. And, of course, the foundation and concealer coz I will look like a zombie otherwise lols.

Yeah...I am...gonna be having a blast with this lot. Especially making sure I can remake the really nice inkblot I did when testing it out. Fingers crossed and best wishes for my dumb ass for being so ambitious.

BROOMIE

No. I will not show this one. Just picture a wig on a stick and there you go. Needless to say, as much as I wanted to like it...I don't. It looks so bad. 99% sure I will not bother bringing bootleg Broomie with me. Makes me sad, but hey...can't win them all.

Okay, so that's it! I'll do a part two of this post since, whoops! I have hit my limit! So, with the next post, I'll have the bag I specifically got for this cosplay (and will totally be using it later), and the full cosplay itself!

And, if anyone is going to AX, I'll see you there mayhaps!

[billsfangearring]

Monthly Fandom Faves: January 2023 (ALOTO Edition)

I want to get back into reccing this year! I previously did themed rec lists, but I'm going to experiment with unthemed recs of a few things I loved reading each month, split into separate posts by fandom. Here are my inaugural ALOTO recs, which are all Jess/Lupe this month. (No one is surprised.) They're also all WIPs, which I promise won't always be the case. I hope you enjoy!

Fics reviewed below the cut, from longest to shortest:

relief next to me by meyeri

I've nowhere to be, other than right next to you by @7central

A letter does not blush by @oldmannuka and @talaricula

Posting this early because (1) my cat's first adoption anniversary is Tuesday and she deserves my full attention and (2) I have no chill.

relief next to me by meyeri

(Jess/Lupe, E, 60k and counting)

Jess takes a final drag and maybe she performs a little, because she wants to see what’ll happen: maybe she licks her lips before, maybe she leans so the jut of her collarbone stands out underneath her shirt, maybe she makes a point to catch García’s eye when she inhales, when the smoke pulls into her chest, when she hitches her breath to keep it there. Because García is watching, she has Jess pinned with her eyes, and this is probably a goddamn catastrophe of an idea (come on, don’t shit where you eat, McCready) but something about it feels alive to Jess, feels jittery and itchy like the buzz of a radio, like a snakebite under her skin. It feels right when the whole fucking day has felt wrong.

relief is a devastating, atmospheric, and visceral immersion in Jess's mind if she and Lupe were casually sleeping together from the beginning, slotted very precisely into the spaces between canon. It encapsulates everything that I read fanfic for—emotional depth, evocative prose, and nuanced characterization—both for our main duo and for the fic's secondary characters, especially Greta, who add so much richness to Jess's life on the team. Jess retains her fierce protectiveness even amid her uncertainty about where things stand with the magnetic enigma that is Lupe García. I've reread each chapter many times and never fail to notice something new. Also, uh, it's incredibly hot. Trust me.

The reality of Lupe García, her brother, this person who shows her iron shell to the world and yet incomprehensibly and inconceivably shows her softness and delicacy to Jess, whose walk is an echo of Jess’s own and who strides through life like she’s carrying the whole thing on her shoulders, like she’s resigned to her solitude, and yet for some reason allows Jess to see the strain of it, just sometimes—like one day she might let Jess share the load of it.

Note: the first chapter (roughly 6k) was originally posted as a one-shot, so you can still give that a go even if you aren't interested in committing to a long WIP!

I've nowhere to be, other than right next to you by absurdcapybara

(Jess/Lupe, E, 55k and counting)

Lupe and Jess end up in New York City for the off-season. Most confessions can be made over a good ballgame. New York is the prime spot for those few exceptions that can’t.

In thinking about how to describe this fic, I keep coming back to how Lupe and Jess's relationship ebbs and flows like the tides. Their life together in New York feels very real as the intimacy and domesticity between them grows in fits and starts as they transition from being teammates and housemates to roommates with Only One Bed. This story is a full-body experience to read, and I read it much more slowly than my usual so I can relish absurdcapybara's gorgeous metaphors. They really get Lupe, my beloved, and also address how Lupe's insecurities and guardedness have real consequences for Jess. The 1940s New York setting and all it entails are ever-present in the fic as well.

Lupe didn’t know what lines were left between her and Jess. She didn’t know if they were friends or ‘friends’ or brothers or soulmates or ships passing or cars crashing, and for one wonderful moment, she didn’t care that it was so ridiculously undefined.

A letter does not blush by summerdrive and talaricula

(Jess/Lupe, T, 18k and counting)

In the 1943-1944 off-season, Jess and Lupe settle in New York together. This collection of letters between them and Esti, as well as some of the other Peaches, tells the story of those few months.

The wealth of tiny details tucked into the letters and notes—from Jess's inclusion of detailed weather information such as the dew point in her letters to the use of real newspaper clippings and such from the era—make this an incredibly immersive and entertaining fic. I have so much fun trying to piece together what's going on behind the notes every time this updates. (And I'm ashamed to say I figured out the unfinished hangman game immediately.) Our hermanos' relationship with the delightfully perceptive Esti is a particular bright spot in this fic, especially the contrast between Jess's fatherly generosity and Lupe's hesitance after the events of last season, and the authors nail all the characters' distinctive voices. This is unquestionably one of the most impressive epistolary fics I’ve read.

Note: All the letters/notes/etc. are written in the typical AO3 style as well below the images if you prefer to read in that format, but I had to include part of one of the images and nothing will ever be funnier to me than Lupe’s 23 Dec. ‘43 diary entry:

Jess in feud with ex who stole fishing spot = butch??? Investigate

All of my ALOTO fic recs can be found here. I hope you find something you like!

[jamiesfootball]

i literally broke out the pen and paper (made a list and checked it twice) trying to find numbers for the ask game you hadn't been sent yet!

as many or as little as you feel like answering!

4, 17, 19, 30, 35, 56, 74

💚💚💚

Thank you thank you! Sorry for the delay, but I had to set these aside so that I could give them the proper time and focus they deserve!

4. what is the plot bunny you’ve been carrying for the longest? optional bonus question: do you ever wonder why you haven’t written it yet and experience deep existential dread?

It's got to be my original work space thing A Robot Named Future. Specifically there is A Scene in it that I first came up with back in...2014? It's loosely based off the robot interrogation scene in the Will Smith movie I, Robot. Except in my book it doesn't involve a robot, its actually about [redacted].

Then later the robot shows up.

It doesn't fill me with existential dread though- it fills me with excitement. Of all the original works I have spinning around in my brain, this one is 1 out of 2 that are the predominant ones I spin around and I've written a few scenes. One of my goals for this year is to actually sit down and outline both of these stories. I'm quite looking forward to it.

17. what is your favorite line you’ve ever written?

Oooooooof. Uh. Honestly I feel I bang on about this line too much, but of the published stuff it's still:

He wondered if maybe he wasn't Sisyphus but the goddamn boulder that kept pushing everyone down the hill.

Bonus runner up because it always makes me laugh is this entire exchange:

“Hold on, now, Rocky didn’t go around tying dicks together, bruv.” “That we know of,” Moe retorted. "Yeah, I haven't seen any of the new ones," said Colin. “Creed was dope,” said Declan. “Michael B. Jordan pulled a plane in that one.” Jan scoffed. “You mean his stuntman pulled it.” “I don’t like Rocky,” Richard added, though no one had asked. “Guys, we do not have time to argue,” Sam implored. He worried the spool between his hands, turning it about like a puzzle. “We have to be on the pitch soon.” “Sam’s right. We’ve got to make a decision,” Isaac said authoritatively. “What do we think? And it has to be unanimous, it can’t just be a few of us out there with strings tied to our willies.”

19. what are some books or authors that influenced your style the most?

Ooooh, there's more than a few. Different authors taught me different things.

First, I think I would be remiss if I didn't mention all the art history courses I've taken in the past. Poetry may have given me the vocabulary to describe a scene, but writing about artwork I think is where I learned how to paint an image of a scene. Where to put the highlights and shadows, what objects get brought into focus. One of my old art teachers would remind us that 'all lines are not equally important', and when I'm describing, say, a room or a setting, I try to keep that thought in mind. I don't need to describe everything, I just need to emphasize the important and leave the obvious vague (another one from an art teacher.)

I have to give a special shout out to Terry Pratchett, specifically in regards to how he brings focal depth into consideration when writing very emotionally wrought scenes. It is the instinct of most writers to push inwards when describing horrible things, to focus on the effect they have on the individual. But after being blistered by T-Prat time and time again, I saw a post that pointed out how at some of his most emotional scenes he actually pulls backwards, leaving the audience to bare witness and fill in the blanks with a purposefully distanced grief we couldn't possible understand. This definitely shaped how I approach emotional scenes; I try to be intentional and weigh where that depth of focus should land.

Not to bang on this gong forever, but I have a deep and abiding love for Kurt Vonnegut. His prose style is so interesting to me in a sort of 'you can write things however you want, actually' sort of way. He'll be halfway through showing you a deep examination on the human psyche and then he'll leap into omniscience to make a joke about how aliens would find this part of the human experience very stupid and needlessly complicated.

So it goes.

30. most inspirational quote you’ve ever read or heard that’s still important to you.

Not sure if it counts as inspirational, but there are two quotes from completely different series that sort of twined together in live on in my head:

One is from Discworld, where the dwarves have a saying: All things strive.

The other is from the manga Saiyuki: Even a one-inch worm has a half-inch soul.

35. tell us about a character who’s very different than you who you love a whole lot

A lot of characters are very different from me. In terms of characters, I would be Higgins. So any character who you would say is not at all like Higgins is very different from me.

Though in the spirit of answering I'll say Keeley. When I was watching Ted Lasso casually, there would just be times when I would blurt out 'I love her.' She's so wildly endearing to me.

56. five years from now, where do you see yourself as a writer?

Hopefully at a point where I am still writing and where some of the longer things I'm working on have been finished!

74. are you a planner, pantser, or planster?

All of them. Whichever the story calls for.

[jpeg-dot-jpeg]

🌈 💞 and 💌 for the asks!

(It's @bibatboy and I was hoping you'd reblog that ask post so I could prod you for answers too 😂)

thanks for the ask bestie <3

meant to answer this earlier but then life got in the way

🌈is there a fic that you worked *really fucking hard on* that no one would ever know? maybe a scene/theme you struggled with?

I'd have to say the fic I struggled the most with was probably Karyogamy. It is, to date, the longest fic I've written and the first longfic I've made. I did a lot of deliberating about how I wanted to alternate universes to differ and the whole thing came out much longer than originally intended. Chapters 3 and 4 especially beat it out of me. Before then, I didn't really have any experience advancing plot so it was a challenge, but I'm really proud of how it turned out!

💞what's the most important part of a story for you? the plot, the characters, the worldbuilding, the technical stuff (grammar etc), the figurative language

I've answered questions like this before and my response is always different lol. I guess I'd have to say the relationships between the characters are most important to me when I'm writing. I mean, I am a ship writer so that comes with the territory, but I always worry that the relationships between characters seem rushed or underdeveloped or not explained well.

💌share something with us about an up-and-coming work (WIP) that has you excited!

okay so I literally have 18 wips rn plus 4 fully completed works that I just haven't posted yet, including that JayTim abo fic I posted a snippet of in a previous ask, a JayTim fluff/cuddle fic, and a smutty prequel to The Lost Art of Minding Your Goddamn Business, but I think this time I'm gonna tease you with a little angsty Bart Allen-centric piece I'm working on <];)

The physical sensation of it is unlike anything Bart has ever experienced before. The memory of his death haunts him. There is the fire searing his skin to ashes, boiling his blood, muscles contracting and shriveling and crumbling away all at once. It envelops him, like being shrink wrapped in a sheet of lava.

Almost as bad is the force of the fireball slamming into him. His bones shatter. His insides fold in on themselves. Bart has gotten smacked around a lot, thrown in walls, punched, kicked, even flattened a time or two, but none of that compares to this. This is the kind of blunt force that on its own is enough to beat the life out of him in one swift strike, one spectacular bang.

Bart isn’t sure which killed him first: the heat or the hit.

[scyphosunny]

vargastober day 7 ! i'm really proud of this one .

let's see . . . ( checks notes

overall , i was really excited for this one ! as i mentioned in day six's entry , i was SUPER EXCITED FOR THIS PROMPT . i basically just added it for myself , i remember texting brusk about it saying that it would be a sick prompt , but i didn't want to add it because i didn't want to add sidefic related stuff . i wanted to focus on the actual thing ! still , i added it because i still needed prompts to finish the list and because idc IT COULD BE A SICK PROMPT . WHATEVER

when i was randomizing everything and got this one at 7 i also smiled mischievously . >:]]]] i really love diaryverse and everything related to it , as much as it TRAUMATIZED ME not in a joke silly goofy way i still go back and read it from time to time . IT'S JUST SO GOOD , LOVE THE HORROR THE HALLUCINATIONS THE VULNERABILITY BOTH OF THEM HAVE it's just PERFECT

i've always loved stories that make me feel like diaryverse do . back when i was 13 and still reading kpop fanfiction ( ??????? ) finding stories like this was GODDAMN HARD , so vargas really came to save my life . i could talk about diaryverse for ages , man . JUST SO ABSOLUTELY GREAT

ALRIGHT , where was i . . . i was really excited for this prompt ! and days ago , back to that day when i got ideas set for some prompts ( and then lost the canvas on accident ) i got this super sick idea for it ! and i was really looking forward to draw it . even if i lost all of the references i got together , i stiill had this one because when i saw it i got so excited i sent it to my friends . so lololol . day 6 , i get to work on that day's piece . . . finish it . i like it ! post it , think about the one tomorrow . . . . . .

and realize .

without noticing , i made something too similar on day six . they would be almost the same , just with different brushes , colors and art style . and i was like . god . gggooooddd . I BASICALLY RUINED THE WHOLE THING THANKS TO DAY 6 , I WAS SO FRUSTRATED UGH so i had to search for a new reference because i didn't want to make the same thing with a different font .

so , i searched .

and searched ,

and searched . . .

and searched for THE LONGEST TIME EVER

i didn't have a clear image of what i wanted to do in the first place , i just wanted funky colors and that small sense of uneasiness . THIS WOULD BE MY FIRST DIARYVERSE COLORED PIECE , SO MANY POSSIBILITIES .

i went through a lot of different ideas . something colorful , something dream-like , idk maybe just draw edgar on the halls of a hospital looking all creepy and distorted and slap some butterflies on it . SO MANY THINGS TO DO i was like uhhh maybe just search for a thing with actual meaning to it but i suck at that . i really do . most of these will be about looking cool and not to sit down and think about it for half an hour . if you want pieces full of meaning just go to hawker's account . SHE'S THE BEST AT IT even if she has like , a couple of vargas illustrations . I WISH I HAD HER ABILITY TO THINK idk

i remember that while i was searching for references , i found this super cool piece that MOVED , and my brain was like HHHEYY I WANT TO DO THAT . WHAT IF I MAKE THE BUTTERFLIES MOVE IDK

at the end , i just found a reference that was easy enough to work with . my canvas was just a mess of different references because i really didn't have a specific picture and it was ANNOYING . but at the end i just went with that one .

( this is the reference , by the way . . . i couldn't find who made it . I HATE YOU PINTEREST )

sketching . . . this whole thing SHOULD be easy because you're not even seeing his face , you WON'T see his face so YOU DON'T NEED TO DRAW IT , RIGHT ?

( sigh . . . . )

didn't look good in the first place but NOT LIKE IT WOULD BE VISIBLE ANYWAY . i tried to make his hair longer for this piece

i was drawing this in a dark room , then i add this color and my eyes immediatly went NNNOPE

i used to have really saturated colors as backgrounds back when i drew my ocs a lot . my logic for it was " when you're painting , it's hard to see if you left blank spaces !! but with this as a background they're easier to spot !!! " which was fair tbh but as much as i was used to it before I'M NOT RIGHT NOW

lol i would just leave them like this because i didn't have better ideas for backgrounds anyway .

I LOVE THESE COLORS , this was just an excuse to make drawings with my favorite colors on them . sssuper pretty

i struggled to set the eyes at first . eyes . . . god , EYES . I COULDN'T REMEMBER FOR THE LIFE OF ME WHICH EYE EDGAR SCOOPED OUT IN VIOLATION . i was certain it was the left one , then i changed it for the right one because i have SOMETHING to remind myself which one it is , something i DON'T WANT TO MENTION AND I HATE but it's there . i can't even give a correct answer because I'M STILL CONFUSED ABOUT IT AND I'M ALMOST SURE I GAVE RYE THE WRONG ANSWER but it's fine because they still got it right at the end . ah well . if i'm wrong , then my way of knowing is ALSO WRONG which is BAD but i'll refuse to explain . ( shivers

at this point i should just ask zarla directly . i'm going towards left , though . . .

SWIRLY EFFECT IN THE BACKGROUND WAS SO FUN TO DO i just added a blue layer above the background and then started stirring it with the liquify tool . I LOVE YOU LIQUIFY TOOL

this is what it looked like full opacity and as cool as it looks would be kinda distracting so eh

hahahah stirrrr stir aroundddd sssooo fun !!!!!!!

I REALLY LOVED HOW THE BUTTERFLIES CAME OUT ! i took all of these out of pinterest , i don't know if i should add links . . .

at first , i was planning to leave that moth just white ! but once all the rest of the butterflies were done i just painted it idk

moths , butterflies . . . idc , scriabin mentioned moths at some point too .

instead of watching videos while drawing i just listened to a lot of koraii this time . their songs just fit the vibe !!!

TIME TO MAKE THE GIF !!!!! it was actually quite easy . alight motion best app ever . i just exported everything separately and added a small shaking effect . i wanted it to shake just enough so you had to double check if the thing was moving or not LOLZ . hmm , now that i think about it , it would've been cool if every butterfly had their own shake effect . maybe next time . . .

i also added a bit of sharpen to the pic because why not . i exported the gif in the highest quality possible but tumblr didn't like it . so i had to make sure it wasn't too heavy . . .

TUMBLR STILL DIDN'T LIKE IT and got the quality all messed up , so i had to replace it with the pic like five seconds after uploading it . ugh . now i have a bunch of files on my phone , one of them being a 55mb gif that i can't even post anywhere because it'll start to make everything laggy . I HAVE NO EXPERIENCE WITH THIS REALLY

anyway HERE IT IS . SUPER COOL AND FINISHED . this might be one of my best pieces .

i don't know if i'll work on today's prompt , yesterday i made a thing so i could get my ideas together and i don't have anything for this one . well , i do have something , but it can also work for tomorrow . maybe i'll work on it later . rright now i'll watch something with nyne . XPPP

see you later !!!!!!!!!

[dartagnantt]

School of Illusion: Revised | Fixing what would be the best subclass ever, if it weren't for the meh

PDFs of this and more can be found over on at my Patreon here! I release everything for free, so your support makes this possible. I'm working on a new class for 5e! Follow the Kickstarter here! I've also started making a new system based off of 5e, 6th Dawn! Become a patron and join the playtest.

The official 5e illusionist wizard is one of my favourite subclasses ever and I've had a bunch of fun with it when I could get away with using illusions. But, that caveat there is responsible for a few design choices I've made with wizards recently.

Illusion Savant

Firstly, the school savant feature. First, as reasonable as it sounds to give you bonuses for scribing spells of your chosen school, all it does is encourage you to NOT take schools of the appropriate type. So, it needs to change.

Secondly, as an illusionist, I found myself struggling to prepare illusion spells AND be useful, and when you think about it, a cleric has 10 more spells avaliable to it than the wizard. The goddamn paladin has the same number of spells as a wizard. So, solution time. Take the pathfinder 1e approach and let you prepare additional spells of the given school. Really, it's just a more versatile version of the subclass spells mechanic.

Lesser Illusion

I won't lie, the Improved Minor Illusion feature is perfect. Minor Illusion is not only the only illusion cantrip, it is basically the quintessential premise of illusion distilled. And letting you use both parts at once is great.

Portable Illusions

The Malleable Illusions feature sounds good at first. "You can change the nature of your illusion" Except that just gives away the fact that it's an illusion, no? The only good use I've had for it was at level 14, when I got Illusory Reality and combined it with Hallucinatory Terrain to make a discount Mirage Arcane.

So, instead I've opted solve another limitation I've had with illusions. Illusions are anchored to where you put them. Which is fine, most of the time. But I know for a fact that I've used Major Image illegally to chase gnolls through a cave disguised as a lava flow, but god was that fun. And another instance, where I distracted a monster with an illusion while we went by, but that just meant I wasted a spell slot and a 10 minute spell for a 2 second encounter. Feels bad man. I can think of a lot of more interesting uses if you could attach an illusion to something else so you don't even need to care.

Guise of Innocence

Illusory Self is a feature, that sounds great, and it really is quite strong. But I felt like it didn't do much. Several times it just didn't come up because it wasn't an attack roll, but then others it didn't matter because multiattack is a thing, so I'd burn my reaction and my only use of this feature and then be vulnerable anyway. This was the feature I agonised over the longest. I knew I didn't want another feature that modified how illusion spells worked, but I felt like a reaction defensive ability would just be admitting defeat. So, I asked, "what would my illusionist do?" And my illusionist would make himself seem benign. So, we now have a version of sanctuary which seemed quite neat.

Unreality

I won't lie, this is the other half of this subclass being the best subclass in the game. But it's also part of the 'parts that could be better'. The first time I used it, I used it amazingly, in my opinion. However, I also used it wrong, because I made creatures real. Which is just objectively cool. As is bonking people with illusionary pianos

And now to plug my stuff. I release homebrews weekly over on my Patreon. Anyone who pledges $1 or more per post don't have to wait a month to see them, and also help fund my being alive habit.

At the moment, they have exclusive access to the following:

Oath of Discord

Modular Airships

Lightspawn

Aasimar Reborn

I also have three classes, and a splatbook over on DriveThrueRPG to check out:

The Rift Binder. A class specialising in summoning monsters and controlling the battlefield.

The Witch Knight. A class that combines swords and sorcery in the most literal way.

The Werebeast. A class that turns you into a half beast to destroy your foes.

d'Artagnan's Adventurer Almanac. A compendium of races, subclasses, feats, spells, monsters and more!

[amtrak12]

AO3 Wrapped for 2023!

I got tagged by @purlturtle for this, so thank you! :D Let's see how I did on fics in 2023.

Overall Stats:

Works Published: 2 - because a Pushing Daisies snippet snuck in there lol

Word Count: 92,498

Kudos: 475

Hits: 14,729

Bookmarks: 161 (99 public and it's killing me ahaha I just want a nice round number again D:)

Subscriptions: 285

(All of those stats are heavily, heavily skewed towards one fic over the other as you'll see below :P)

Individual Stats:

Most Popular by Kudos: Can We Keep Her, my Lucifer S3 time travelling toddler rewrite at 471 kudos. (Out of my 475 total for the year LMAO. I told you the stats are skewed!)

Most hits: Can We Keep Her (Lucifer) again with 14,688 hits. Listen I really only wrote one fic this year. The Pushing Daisies one barely counts.

Longest: Can We Keep Her (Lucifer) at 92,307 words published as of today and still growing. Fun fact: This is also my longest fic ever published! So it would've won this category in any year.

Shortest: Three Lifetimes (Pushing Daisies) at 191 words. I did have other one shot ideas after my rewatch but I had to save my energy for the Lucifer WIP.

Most Comments: SHOCKINGLY (not), it's Can We Keep Her (Lucifer) with 186 comment threads/415 total comments. My greatest wish when this fic is all said and done is to hit 1000 total comments because I'll never be able to hit that in any other fandom I could ever be in for the rest of my life. And if it does turn out to be 30 chapters long (or more!), then I'm actually on pace to achieve it :')

(And this is where I go more into fic recs than talking about my own fics, because I did not write (or read tbh) enough to have proper answers for this section.)

Fics that made me cry:

Writing: The [redacted] scene for Can We Keep Her that I've played a million times in my head but haven't actually written yet cause I'm only halfway through the story. Maybe also the time travel reveal scene which gets posted in January, but that's lived in my head for so long, I can no longer tell what feelings it evokes.

Reading: never have I ever by jrrmint (Lucifer). S4 Chloe/Lucifer smut. It doesn't make me cry, but it does make me ache because it's Season 4, aka the angstiest season, and this fic makes it even messier than canon was which is just beautiful in the 'I have a history of loving soap operas' way. :D :D It also taught me cheating is a trope I will eat up with a goddamn spoon for this ship. Like HOLY SHIT! Eve, I love you, babe, but I need more Chloe/Lucifer S4 cheating fic pronto! O_O

(NOT S3 cheating fic. It does not work as well, because the Chloe/Pierce relationship was already a stupid decision -- by both the writers and the character -- so let's not add even more stupid decisions on top of it. However, everybody's already hitting rock bottom in S4 (and at different times too!) so that's why the cheating trope works so deliciously there.)

Fics that made me smile:

Writing: The opening scene to chapter 7 in Can We Keep Her still makes me laugh so much. Rory's manipulative little "My heart hurts :(" ploy absolutely kills me, plus all the other 'Day 2 of a baby angel' chaos that's happening. Also all of chapter 9 with the Deckerstar family domestics of putting Trixie and Rory to bed. A++ me. Makes me grin everytime.

Reading: If He's a Tramp (He's a Good One) by maybemalapert (laconicsims) -- Lucifer joins Chloe and Trixie on a trip to Disneyland, set (and written) in early S2. I'm absolutely loving reading the Lucifer fics in chronological order/reverse page order on AO3 since I came to the show after the entire thing aired. And this little one shot was wonderful <3

Group Activities:

Gifts: No gifts given or received this year.

Collaborations: I did do something here, though! I was a beta reader in the Bering and Wells Big Bang event. :) I helped with Dawn of the Dragonborn: Heart of a Hero, Heart of a Predator, Heart of Dovahkiin which was written by Rinari7. Not finished yet, but hopefully someday! Because the outline was really detailed and incredible. So, so, so fun AU even if you know very little about Skyrim (like me)!

Events: Also the Bering and Wells Big Bang. I still absolutely could never be a writer for such an event because I get too stressed and freeze whenever I try. But I really enjoyed being a beta reader! Less pressure lol

[visibun]

...holy fuck, my last post is quite literally the very first time that I've ever reached the tag limit for a post, and I primarily pulled that off by prattling on about Cinnabun at extreme length.

I didn't even know that there was a limit of 30 tags per post. I've never had any reason to hit that limit before. If that doesn't fully prove and emphasize that this little trauma rabbit isn't my most detailed and obsessed-about OC brain worm of all time, I don't know what the hell else could possibly spell it out any better.

...if you've been reading her tag on my blog, but can't understand what her deal is thus far: She's a Lopunny OC, and hers is a mature, fairly dark, and very heavy story, taking place in the Pokemon universe. Yes, I started writing this in a very low, very mentally/emotionally fragile, and really dark part of my life, so yes, this started off as "me effectively venting/'self-harming' in a way through her." I know that OC stories involving both Pokemon and sensitive subjects like death, self-harm, suicide, and so forth are usually frowned upon by a good deal of the fanbase or whatever, since that's not what the source media is like on the surface. But at this point, I hardly care to even acknowledge that stance... you know, past the upcoming walls of text.

Prepare for an encounter with an autistic hyperfixation hidden raid boss fight just below the post cut.

For one, Cinnabun starting off as a sort of "projection" of myself made her both VERY special and important to me, to the point where writing about her low points started to actually personally resonate with myself. This made writing about her in great detail that much easier, since whatever thoughts and feelings that I felt as I was coming up with ideas for this story was on par with how she was meant to feel in those particular scenes. I've quite literally never synchronized with an OC this deeply before, and this let me write out the longest story that I've ever written in my whole goddamn life. It's been a fun and engaging process from start to finish, coming up with plot points and general story details, and then figuring out how to weave everything together so it flows in a way that I like. It's all very special to me, for that reason.

And then two, to be blunt... life is short. To be even more blunt... who knows how much longer I have to be around and enjoy small things like this. I don't care to stunt my ideas just because the theme/tone in its given setting isn't regarded as "popular" by many others in the Pokemon fanbase. It gives me a massive creative outlet — the biggest that I've ever had, really — and working on it to any extent feels really great to my mind that's otherwise typically too crowded up with TV static and disorganized/negative thoughts to let me ever experience a single moment of catharsis to any degree.

I know that the setting of Pokemon is considered to be an odd choice for a story that is largely very upsetting and dark... but, in my defense, the world of Pokemon is already very heavily implied in canon media to be utterly horrifying behind the scenes. A lot of Pokedex entries straight-up designate a good deal of Pokemon as "chronically suffering," like Phantumps being dead lost kids in the woods, Cubones crying over their dead mothers (whose skull they wear) loudly enough to attract their natural predators straight to themselves, or Yamask carrying a depiction of its face from its past life and crying over it. And then, there's other Pokemon who are designated as "chronically making others suffer," like people getting their spirit stolen by looking into a Shedinja's back, Drifloon being a Pokemon "formed by the spirits of people and Pokemon" that casually abducts children, or the fact that a strong pseudo-legendary like Hydreigon has a habit of "biting anything that moves" and has tales of it destroying whole villages. And then there's other Pokemon who just... accidentally create problems by existing. Some casually explode for little to no reason. Others make a lot of earthquakes or other natural disasters just by going about their business. Shit like that.

Like yeah, obviously these details aren't going to be shown in regular Pokemon media, since it is ultimately a franchise geared towards the enjoyment of kids and young teens (with a great deal of fossils like myself obviously still latching onto the franchise for longer than I thought I'd still care about it). But like... there's enough context clues just out there in plain sight to know that the Pokemon universe is 100% capable of being a circus of both horrors and dangers. As far as I can give a damn, my little story and the poor rabbit that it revolves around would be considered "just another Tuesday in Hoenn" in comparison to what else could happen in any of the regions at any given time.

So... yeah. I don't know what possessed me to talk at length about this to like... no one in specific, but that's my mental word salad about that OC and her story. I like writing about her since it gives me a massive creative release, and I fully disagree with the thought that every original story in a Pokemon setting has to be sterile and pleasant or else it's just "bad" or whatever. If I wanted a tame and clean story in the Pokemon universe, I'd just watch the show or play any of the official games... hence, me writing out my own story, and then defending its existence to no one but I guess myself for what feels like the past hour.

...I should probably go and eat something now;;

[spindrifters]

2022 Fic Roundup

In the later half of this year, I came back to two foundational parts of myself. Writing fanfiction, and Harry Potter. I've built a career in creative writing, and somewhere along the line lost sight of the spark of joy that comes from writing transformative works. After a difficult summer, I rediscovered that spark. And for the longest time, in light of *all that*, I hadn't known what to do with Potter and its core place in my development as a conscientious person in the world. In the same dark moment I realized that, like all foundational sacred text, the series was meant to be grappled with. Wrestled. Read resistantly. And what better way to do that than with fic? I've only been back in the game since October, but I'm so happy to have made it back at all. More than anything, I appreciate the incredible community I've found along the way.

Huge shout-out to @soloorganaas for the inspiration!

October

marginalia (105k & counting, WIP, Wolfstar, E) - This story began a long time ago. That part is already written. Nothing can be done about it now. It began with two young men—barely more than boys—who upended the world, magical and mundane alike. Grindelwald and Dumbledore, glorious leaders of the revolution, who brought wizardkind out of hiding and into the light during those last, violent days of 1899. But a winter's night seventy-seven years later is where things really kick off. Because Remus Lupin knows what to expect when you’ve been sold somewhere new. He knows it better than he ever thought he'd have to by this point. He knows how to survive. And Sirius Black is doing his best to just graduate Hogwarts and get himself and his brother away from this goddamn house in one piece. He's got it figured out by now. He has a plan. Neither of them, however, had accounted for the other messing everything up by the sheer fact of just existing. The most AU.

There’s an exceptionally long moment of silence between them, and Sirius would look away if he could. Would put the burning shame simmering at the pit of his gut somewhere else, only Remus’ hand is still clasped tight around his own bleeding nailbeds, holding fast, and isn’t that a wonder? His hands are just as strong, just as calloused and scarred and warm as he remembers. Only this is the first time Remus has ever touched him willingly. With purpose. Not because he thinks he has to, or because Sirius touched him first.

love has teeth (444, microfic, gen, T) - Hope Lupin loves her husband, she really does, but she’s a child of the war and the political passions that came with it and on the whole she really hasn’t got the time nor patience for the astounding ignorance and stupidity of Wizarding Britain. (Or how, somewhere along the way, Hope Lupin became the pack mum.)

Hope teaches James to cook, and gives Peter advice on girls, and becomes single-handedly responsible for Sirius’ obsession with motorbikes after letting him ride on the back of hers. She introduces the lot of them to jazz and skiffle and tells them stories of growing up with Communist parents in post-war London.

civilian (339, microfic, Tedromeda, T) - They figure it out at a café on a rainy Tuesday in April. (Or, the one where Ted and Andromeda elope.)

Theirs is a history of secrets, stolen kisses in old school corridors and excuses made to his family why she can never seem to come for dinner and trying not to flinch whenever words like purity and mudblood come out of her parents' mouths.

November

until our ribs get tough (4.8K, gen, M) - From the lost papers and mixed-up files of the marginalia universe. A day in the life of one Lily Evans, age eleven, takes an unexpected turn involving a twisted ankle, some contraband essence of murtlap, and a rumination on the nature of miracles. Same AU as marginalia.

They used to do this all the time when they were little. Hide amidst the mothballs and piled boxes stored beneath the metal springs, especially when the rain poured down like this. It was easier, then, to ignore the world outside in order to create their own. Imagined kingdoms where they were king and queen, or adventurers on the high seas searching out treasure galleys to attack. They’d known to keep quiet, even then. It’s been a minute since they were here last, but even Remus’ recent growth spurts aren’t enough to take away what’s really a sacred space.

December

the helper (1.3K, gen Wolfstar, T) - Remus is facing his first Hanuká away from home. Sirius would like to help. For Hanukkah Wolfstar Week 2022.

Sirius is, by this point, extremely lost. He understands about half of what his friend just said to him. What he understands perfectly well, however, is how to recognize that nonchalant sort of half-shrug, that casual way Remus then goes on to insist that it’s not actually a big deal and he’s fine, really, and it’s not that important a celebration, anyway. He knows what those things mean. They mean that Remus Lupin’s a bloody liar.

death by honey (1.7K, Wolfstar, T) - Stuck at St. Mungo's during Hanuká, Remus has resigned himself to spending the holidays alone. Sirius has other plans. For Hanukkah Wolfstar Week 2022.

So he’s resigned himself to missing all that. Resigned himself to maybe even missing his muggle relatives altogether if this lunar fever doesn’t clear up in time. Instead, he gets the sterile, broken-tiled lycanthropy ward, and tinny Christmas music filtering down from the floor above, and the pinch-faced, suspicious company of two trainee healers who must have done something truly unfortunate to end up banished down here over the holidays. What he doesn’t expect is to wake up from a nap to find Sirius Black sitting in the chair next to his bed.

forward motion (854, Wolfstar AU, M) - Mary brings over a present. None of the menfolk know what to do with it. Wolfstar raises Harry AU. For Hanukkah Wolfstar Week 2022.

So maybe it feels more personal than it should, but Sirius can’t shake that terror of mucking this all up and letting down not just Harry but James and Lily and Monty and Euphemia, too. And Remus — who still has two living parents who love him dearly — may never have had to depend on the Potters to pick the broken pieces of himself up off their doorway, but he still feels that same terror. That same responsibility. Harry deserves a childhood full of laughter and love and fun.

commercial allure (1K, Wolfstar, T) - On the second-to-last night of Hanuká, Remus decides that enough is enough. Sirius would beg to differ. For Hanukkah Wolfstar Week 2022.

“Pads,” he says at last, because he wasn’t going to say anything. Because this is his best mate of six years but somehow it’s become damn near impossible for Remus to even look at him lately without feeling flushed and awkward and like he’s just sprouted hands for the very first time and hasn’t got the first clue what to do with them. But he’s just found a very nice and very expensive-looking eagle-feather quill on his bedside table, wrapped up in silver paper, and that is altogether impossible to ignore.

a history of violence (1K, Wolfstar, E) - In the wake of the war's end, Remus and Sirius are learning how to trust each other again. Lily and James live AU. For Hanukkah Wolfstar Week 2022.

Sirius kisses the scar that slashes down his brow and lid, a gentle reminder to keep talking. This is what they do now, in the days since the end of October. Since the end of the war. This is what they have to do. Secrets, after all, nearly cost them everything.

pomegranates (2.5K, Wolfstar, M) - Sirius runs away from home over the winter holidays of fifth year. The problem is, James is in India and Moony kind of hates her right now. Genderfuck AU with transfem Sirius and cisfem Remus. For Hanukkah Wolfstar Week 2022.

Lyall Lupin opens the front door of the small Mayhill flat he shares with his wife and daughter to find Sirius Black, cold and dripping in the rainy Swansea night, shivering violently in nothing but a set of outrageously expensive silk dress robes. His first instinct is to slam the door in the girl’s face. His second — that of a father, who’s seen his child in pain too many times — wins out. Sirius is bleeding from somewhere just above her hairline and looks as though she’s been on the receiving end of a Confundus Charm. He lets her inside.

the story goes (1.5K, Wolfstar, M) - Remus knows all about survival. It's in his DNA. A study on lycanthropy, the Jewish diaspora, a blended family, and two boys in love. For Hanukkah Wolfstar Week 2022.

No one can know. Dad reminds him of that all the time, in the summer before he goes to school. He needn’t bother. Remus was raised on stories of refugee ancestors fleeing Valencia massacres for Moroccan shores, grew tall on days celebrating Esther and Yehudit’s necessary deceptions. He knows how to hide what others fear without making a single part of himself small.

yours if you want it (1K, Wolfstar, M) - Facing their first holiday season living together, Sirius and Remus stumble towards creating new traditions. For Hanukkah Wolfstar Week 2022.

“I’m trying to tell you you're allowed to have things, you knob. You get to make it mean what you like. You want a Christmas tree? Let’s get a bloody Christmas tree. I’ve never had one before but sod it, I want one if it makes you happy. We’re allowed to make our own traditions. And if you like any of the poncy Yule shite you grew up with instead, we can do that, too. Because that’s still yours, if you want it. Get me? Not theirs. Yours.”

[soundsfaebutokay]

I posted 11,338 times in 2022

That's 4,355 more posts than 2021!

340 posts created (3%)

10,998 posts reblogged (97%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@hockles

@wren-of-the-woods

@felicity-smoak-is-my-goddess

@spoonietimelordy

@theamazingrin

I tagged 11,336 of my posts in 2022

#my faves - 7,483 posts

#resqueue - 5,631 posts

#the witcher - 2,353 posts

#the amazing devil - 1,997 posts

#music - 1,858 posts

#our flag means death - 1,053 posts

#joey batey - 780 posts

#leverage - 677 posts

#madeleine hyland - 634 posts

#the sandman - 551 posts

Longest Tag: 140 characters

#this episode satisfied something in me that kept getting disappointed by recent shows and certain movie franchises *ahem* that never took th

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

The thing I go back to again and again when thinking of Hob Gadling is the word devotion. This man really just…with no hope of reciprocity, not a single bloody hint that the Stranger would ever return to him…he waited. He built an entire pub, made sure the Stranger could find the pub, and made going to that pub a part of his routine so that just in case—just in case!—the Stranger decided to ever show up, out of schedule, he would be there. He'd be waiting. For thirty-three goddamn years! Or, if you're counting how long he's held on to his stubborn loyalty after a pretty devastating rejection, add a century to that number. All this, without any assurance that the friendship he's offering would ever be accepted. All this, for a being who hasn't even told him his name. I've seen gods worshipped with less conviction. It just, it makes me insane.

1,253 notes - Posted September 17, 2022

#4

I get it now. Yennefer and Jaskier are "worst enemies" not in the sense that they hate each other more than anyone else, but in the sense that they are the worst at being enemies because you don't smile like that upon hearing your enemy's voice, you don't tell them "good riddance" with a world of tenderness in your eyes, and you certainly DO NOT RISK YOUR LIFE FOR THEM YOU RIDICULOUS FUCKING BISEXUALS THAT'S NOT HOW ENEMIES WORK

1,359 notes - Posted February 10, 2022

#3

One of the many delights of The Amazing Devil's love songs is that we feel like we're somehow getting a glimpse into real people's lives. There are such beautifully specific details. The guy from Pruning Shears wears secondhand shoes to fancy parties, the couple from Not Yet builds pillow dens. The lady in Marbles works with assholes who make annoying comments, and the guy in Fair likes to eat yoghurt while watching The Office. The couple in Ruin plays the piano together, and so on. These songs are as far away from the generic, manufactured-for-maximum-marketability hits churned out by big music studios as you can get.

The magic of it is that the specificity doesn't stop TAD's songs from being relatable. Far from it. Because even though some of the scenarios are foreign to my own life ("Everyone knows sex is better when you're unemployed." News to me, Joey.), the emotions are always deeply, unflinchingly honest. They feel authentic. These songs aren't telling you to insert yourself into a readymade fill-in-the-blanks love story. They're saying, "Hey you, sitting over there grappling with all the twists and turns of being a human who needs other humans? You are not alone."

1,361 notes - Posted March 5, 2022

#2

The absolute audacity of Mr. Joey Fucking Batey and Ms. Madeleine Probably Fae Hyland to be like, "oh, we're so surprised people responded like that to Farewell Wanderlust, we didn't expect it to be such a hit" like ???? Hello???

You beautiful bastards, did you really give us the line "I'm the hardest goodbye that you'll ever have to say" with Madeleine's voice sliding like that right in the first stanza and expect us not to go feral over it?

Also:

Madeleine listing one heartbreaking thing after another with emotion swelling in her voice

Joey and Madeleine crooning to each other in soft, seductive tones followed by a verse of insanely fire lines like "our gods have abandoned us" and "let us waltz for the dead"

Joey unraveling his own string of sorrows in a voice made of anguish and rage

Were we supposed to be normal about any of those things? When they themselves were far from normal and actually completely savage by the time they really get going in the most furious musical "fuck you" to all the unjust, spirit-crushing bullshit in the world?

I mean—

I promise you I’m not broken I promise you there’s more More to come, more to reach for, more to hurl at the door Goodbye to all my darkness, there’s nothing here but light Adieu to all the faceless things that sleep with me at night This here is not make up, it’s a porcelain tomb This here is not singing, I’m just screaming in tune

Nobody was calm at that point. And by the last no-holds-barred chorus, we were all either crying or roaring or crying and roaring. (Internally, if we had to think of the neighbors or others on the train.) It was an emotional catharsis free for all. Who could be unmoved? Not me, Mr. Joey Fucking Batey and Ms. Madeleine Probably Fae Hyland. Not me.

1,434 notes - Posted January 31, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

It's utterly magnetic when a character's rage is quiet and precise. When they don't scream and throw things but they just b r e a t h e and very very calmly aim their fury like an arrow shooting inexorably towards the target of their wrath. It captures my attention, I lean in close, I wait for the hit. It never disappoints.

37,790 notes - Posted August 28, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[aether-friskets]

I posted 668 times in 2022

That's 668 more posts than 2021!

203 posts created (30%)

465 posts reblogged (70%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@ap0stle

@heather-garland

@carlyraejepsans

@friskibitz

@aether-friskets

I tagged 653 of my posts in 2022

Only 2% of my posts had no tags

#fanart - 209 posts

#op's art - 188 posts

#silent hill - 149 posts

#rambles - 134 posts

#undertale - 128 posts

#heather mason - 110 posts

#silent hill 3 - 109 posts

#safeutdr - 105 posts

#silent hill fanart - 99 posts

#frisk - 91 posts

Longest Tag: 137 characters

#and honestly? op's suggestion of him having been a member of the order is way more interesting to me than just 'otherworld manifestation'

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

not the most extravagant piece I've ever made for something like this but. Here's a little drawing I made for Undertale's anniversary!! Like I said I would!

It would've been nice to get a piece with more of the characters but alas

Also I feel like Chara could be better but I always have trouble drawing them quite right >:|

Anyway uhhhh yeah!!

23 notes - Posted September 15, 2022

#4

See the full post

31 notes - Posted August 2, 2022

#3

so I recall this line in outlast 2 when you end up in St. Sybil one of the first times. Blake says somethin like "Great. Back in the Fourth Grade." meaning those the stuff he's reliving must've happened in that grade.

And we know that 4th graders are typically either 9 or 10

(assuming Jess was in the same grade she was only 9 or 10 as well which. damn.)

But we ALSO know what year this takes place in, because there's multiple instances on papers and stuff with the year 1995 (in fact it's December 1995 iirc). I don't have any screenshots on-hand but I could totally go get some at some point lol

MeaninG Blake was 9 or 10 in 1995

We also know that Outlast 2 takes place not all that long after the first game does (due to the Murkoff Account, which, admittedly I haven't read in a while so feel free to correct me there). And we know Outlast happened in 2013.

This mean that our pal Blake is most likely 28 (or 27). Which also makes him the youngest, since Miles and Waylon are both supposedly in their "early to mid 30s" (I couldn't see the cited tweet so for all I know this could be inaccurate but it sounds reasonable enough for me to believe).

Also Waylon has two kids so I'm inclined to believe he's the oldest but like they're all like a few years apart in age anyway lol

Anyway this is probably really obvious stuff but I thought it was interesting for some reason

38 notes - Posted August 6, 2022

#2

random minor thing but I always thought that while Frisk's SAVEs are like normal manual save point saving you'd expect to see, when Flowey steals back control as Omega Flowey, the whole "File x loaded/saved" thing gives the vibes of someone using an emulator. Where you have multiple interchangeable save states that you can save or load to whenever you want, even if the game isn't normally capable of that.

In particular it makes me think back to repeatedly loading a save state in Majora's Mask because of the goddamn town shooting gallery mini game AUGh

Which I guess it kind of makes sense? Omega Flowey is artificially stealing control of the game, sort of like how an emulator gives you an artificial way of accessing a game (in the sense of like I could play a PS1 game on my pc, or a N64 game on my Wii U, for example). So not only does his save system make sense from an in-game stand point, it's kinda cool from a meta standpoint too.

At least, I think it is.

63 notes - Posted June 19, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

late night posting of an old-ish drawing

Psychonauts was big on my mind for a short while there and although it's not my current focus, the games are still really great!! And I still like this little drawing I did of Raz.

It was interesting trying to translate his design to my art style, because that game has a very particular look (in a good way).

also hope y'all don't mind my random mish-mash of posting and reblogging various stuff, I cannot be consistent to save my life

Hopefully I'll have some new art to share soon though!! Assuming this funk of mine dies down, anyway.

71 notes - Posted May 16, 2022

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