#goddamn the brainworms got me

[doktorzephyr]

hi im fucking insane and ultrakill somehow got me into angelology. heres some stuff on the archangel gabriel in reference to the occult/abrahamic magick

edit; added the meanings of the tarot at the bottom have fun ;)

As the Divine Herald, he is an angel of guidance, prophecies and revelations. He is also the Patron Saint of Messengers; mail carriers, news outlets, radio stations or any outlet that messages can be delivered through, he’s the one that can aid the most. As the angel who will blow the first horn of the final judgment, he is seen to also represent judgment. He is sometimes even seen as an angel of motherhood due to his announcement of the birth of Christ and John the Baptist and from this he is sometimes given the titles of Patron Saint and guardian of children. He represents the spiritual power of God, His ideals and principles of spirituality. As a result, he is seen as an angel of spirituality, dreams, divination and even magick.

He can be invoked for:

Guidance

Faith

Hope

Strength

Spiritual aid

Dreaming/dream interpretation

Theology

Understanding scripture

Birth

Here’s symbols he is associated with:

Element; Water (Spirituality, change, emotions)

Planet; Moon (Spirituality, magick, guidance)

Day of the week; Monday

Colors; White, silver

Animal; White dove (Holy Spirit)

Tarot; House of Cups, The Star, The High Priestess, Temperance, The Moon, Judgment*

Cardinal direction; West

Season; Winter

Other symbols; White lilies, trumpet, banner, feathers

How to connect with him:

Devotional Activities

Praying

Meditation

Fasting

Reading the Bible

Studying theology

Educating yourself about religion/sprituality

Material Offerings

Flowers (White lilies, white roses, lavender)

Incense (Jasmine, frankincense, lavender, rose)

White wine

Feathers

Perfume

Candles (White or silver)

Prayer cards

Bible verses

Poems/art

Moon, water, magick or religion associated items (moonstone, holy water, tarot card, etc.)

Archangels prefer devotional activities as offerings over material ones, though they will not reject them.

He can help with;

Lucid dreaming

Receiving visions

Developing divination skills and spiritual awareness

Lack of belief

Communication issues

Magick workings

When you feel lost/don’t know how to continue/unsure of how to move forward

His Kabbalistic sigil

His seal from the Heptameron

All in all, Gabriel is a very firm but merciful angel. He can be a bit pushy when you are not doing the right thing, but he is less rough about it than, say, Michael. He has a better understanding of human emotions than most angels and will act a bit more accordingly. When you don’t know where to go in life or have no ideas on how to move on, he is the one that should be contacted. He is also sometimes associated with the divine feminine due to his associations withe the moon and motherhood. He is usually seen as 3rd to God, with Michael or Sandalphon being 2nd.

Some extras about the archangels in general;

Angels mostly see humans like how we see dogs and often have a lesser understanding of human egos. It should be noted that angels have a bit of a reputation of being more difficult to work with due to them expecting a lot of discipline. They will not give you what you want, they will make you work for what you need. If one wishes to work with the archangels, they expect constant self improvement.

bit of a p.s; despite Archangel being the 2nd lowest on the hierarchy, they are the most powerful angels. Archangel is a rank and it means “governing angel” or “ruling angel”, they rule over other parts of the hierarchy (i.e Michael rules over the seraphim, Gabriel rules over the cherubim). Archangels are often called “the great princes”, however, Michael is the only one in the Bible to actually receive that title. The only reason why they are so low on the hierarchy is because they are physically far from God, as they spend their time on Earth helping humanity.

* What each of the tarot cards mean

House of Cups- relates to emotions and matters of the heart. Associated with love, feeling and inner conflict, they ask us to consider what is deeply important to us

The Star- the embodiment of hope and healing brings a message of renewal, optimism, and inspiration. When pulled, remember that the universe is working in your favor, and is encouraging you to have faith in where you are being taken.

The High Priestess- listen to your inner voice and follow your instincts, your mind knows far more than you think. When pulled, stop looking for answers around you and start looking within yourself for the guidance you seek.

Temperance- encourages peace and patience, reminds you to go with the flow of life instead of trying to force a pace and direction. When pulled, it is a message to take things as they come, and remain flexible enough to change with the changes.

The Moon- represents hidden thoughts, feelings, doubts, and fears. When pulled, you may be letting fear overtake your faith in the future. Do not be fooled, you cannot believe everything that you see, hear, or think. Once you bring your feelings to the surface and face them, only then can you rid yourself of worry.

Judgment- your past and future come together. When pulled, reflect on your decisions and actions you have made up until now and make sure that they are bringing you in the direction you want. Remember, your future is not set in stone, and it's never too late to make a change for the better.

thanks for listening to my madman ramblings baiiiii

[bosspigeon]

woke up still half-dreaming about TCM boys so now I've got a slightly firmer grasp of one of the newer ones so yeehaw uh some horny rambling below the cut

Kazu is getting a soft lad with a Pixar mom dump truck ass who is quiet and comes off as a lil bit shy but once he's comfortable very much is capable of being a Soft Dom with a keen focus on positive reinforcement over punishment (tho he will definitely consider it if his partner likes it <3)

had some nice little sleepy images of him calling Kazu a good boy while he rides him, promising him rewards if he behaves well during play, and capitalizing on how soft and cozy his body is compared to all that solid muscle if you catch my drift <3

[gcthamqueen]

but we're running out of time

oh, all the echoes in my mind cry

there's blood on your lies

the sky's open wide

there is nowhere for you to hide

the hunter's moon is shining

i'm running with the wolves tonight

[alchemistc]

Harry twirls a lock of dark curls between his fingers. Tips his chin against Tommy's head and stares up at the ceiling. He considers not asking, this time.

The sex is good, and Tommy's funny, and if he closes his eyes he could imagine there could be something - Tommy twitches and shifts his hand lower like he might be gearing up for another round, and it breaks the fantasy. That's new.

"Tell me about him," Harry says, and Tommy's eyes tip up to glare at Harry.

"Making an assumption, there," Tommy warns, but Harry just raises an eyebrow. Six years of this and Harry knows better than to expect Tommy would show up at his door for any reason other than to get his mind off of something - someone else.

"So we're both asses," Harry intones. He needs to call the super, see what they'll do about the water stain on his ceiling. "Tell me about him."

Tommy sighs. Twists, drifts away to the second pillow, and Harry's done this enough times not to mourn the loss, exactly. It's not like he's ever told Tommy -

"He's too young. Impulsive. New."

Harry fails to hold in his snort. "Okay."

Tommy at 34 had been a fucking hurricane. Newly out, no holds barred, he'd jumped right into the deep end and let the storm whirl him around. They'd been friends, for the first six months, Harry a watchful presence while Tommy made it his mission to be more than the guy in the dark corner getting a risky blowie fifteen minutes before last call. To be out - not loud, that wasn't Tommy's style - but to at least be himself.

He'd lasted two months in a real, actual relationship before he'd shown up at Harry's door with a six pack and a box of condoms.

"He looks at me and sees this - cool suave guy -" Harry shifts, nearly interrupts because that guy is exactly what Tommy projects, even if he doesn't mean to. Fucking Scorpios. "- and I was falling for him."

Yeah. Harry can extrapolate from that. Tommy fell ass over tea kettle and then got spooked.

"He's just so fucking open with himself. No brainworm goes untouched, and he can't hide his emotions for shit, and he's so goddamn stubborn and so goddamn ready to bulldoze through every hurdle ahead without looking back at the damage, and..." Tommy trails off. One hand shifts down to hitch the duvet up over his hips, and Harry adds the duvet cover to his list of laundry. "I gave him too many chances to slow down on his own."

"What, did the kid ask you to marry him or something?"

"He's the Himbo," Tommy retorts, and it takes Harry a moment to make the connection. He whistles through his teeth just to watch the scowl fall into place on Tommy's face. "And the connection freaked him out so much he asked me to move in. To his bachelor pad loft." Harry waits. "It has two balconies, Harry. Two."

"...he knows you have a mortgage, right?"

Tommy shoves at his shoulder. "It doesn't matter. We're just - the timing wasn't right."

"Did you want it to be?"

That's always the thing he ends up hung up on, in Harry's experience. Tommy's scared out of his mind to be the right person at the wrong time. Always has been. There's probably some mommy or daddy issues hidden in there somewhere he hasn't explored. Tommy's eyes drift up to the water stain. "Don't these apartments all have the same layout?"

This is the shove-off. This is his hint not to push. "Yes, and I really don't want to ask how the upstairs neighbor flooded their bedroom. Back to the guy." He's never been one for acknowledging unspoken cues.

"Buck," Tommy says, and the name sounds harsh in his mouth.

"Buck," Harry repeats, and pictures Tommy's usual type - tall, light-eyed, more smiles than common sense. There was always something distinctive, too - freckles, a scar, weird shaped ears.

"I miss him."

It doesn't hurt the way it had those first few years, when Harry was convinced that eventually Tommy would see him as more than a friend to blow off steam with. Still. There's a twinge there, beneath his rib cage.

"So stop missing him. That's an option, isn't it?"

And Tommy does that thing - that frustrating, enchanting thing, where his whole body seems to hold the emotion flickering across his face. "I walked out on him. I dug the damn knife in just to make sure he wouldn't try to convince me to stay."

"Would you have? Stayed?"

Tommy's quiet. The sweat has cooled on his skin, and the lights coming in through his window dance across the skin of his shoulder, his chest, that stupid thick neck of his.

The phone he left on the bedside table is dark, but that doesn't stop Tommy's gaze flicking to it.

"Cards on the table, Tommy?" Harry sucks in a breath. Blows it out through his nose. "Once upon a time, I convinced myself you were it for me. That I'd be satisfied with what you gave me, and I wouldn't ask for more. I cut you out of my life for eight months when I realized how fucking dumb that was."

Tommy frowns. Harry hadn't really ever expected him to notice.

"I've seen you through shitty relationships, and one sided ones. I've heard all the bullshit you and Greg put each other through. I've been there for every fucking heartache."

And he'd offered up his body like it was absolution for always being fucking thrilled when a relationship ended.

"You called me Evan," Harry murmurs, and Tommy's eyes go wide. That's never fucking happened before. This thing wouldn't have lasted nearly as long if he'd ever heard another man's name in his bed before. "You should shower. Go home. Take a day or two, if you need it. But I know for a fact you wait this shit out, justify coming to me with time and space from whatever guy has you strung out. I know it's been a minute already, and I know you've never sounded so unsure about cutting someone loose."

Tommy's gaze flicks to him.

"Whatever it is that's got you so scared of this guy, figure it the fuck out. Because it sounds to me like you fell fast and hard and hit a fucking wall before you ever thought to tap the brakes. That's not fair to you or him. Call him. Text him. Show up at his door with a bouquet or an industrial size bottle of lube and figure your shit out. Together."

Tommy stares at him for a long, long time in silence.

"Them's the brakes, huh?"

Harry hates that he knows exactly what Tommy means. Still, he clarifies. "This is your forever guy." Six years of watching him flail and learn and grow and hurt and love and fuck. He knows a thing or two about Tommy and his flights of romance. Knows this lonely man has never sounded quite so lonely before. "You don't need me, anymore."

He's quiet as his eyes drift back up to the stain. "I'm not his forever guy." Harry can't actually refute that, considering he's never met the guy. But he knows Tommy. Knows exactly how captivating he can be. Knows Tommy's a sucker for that starry-eyed look that so often has meant not love, as Tommy reads it, but idolization. "What if I'm not his forever guy?"

Harry digs toes into the spot in the duvet where Tommy's knees should be. He shifts Tommy about half a millimeter. "He has a nickname you don't call him except when you're punishing yourself. He dated Abby and that shared history didn't scare him off. You'd never let yourself fall for a guy that wasn't throwing clear signs that it was serious. I'd put my odds on him doing something weird and wholesome every time he thinks about you until his entire two balcony loft is filled with trinkets or treats and he still can't get you off his mind."

Harry's never seen Tommy's face do that before. Not in the throes of a honeymoon phase and not in the worst of a bad breakup. It's some awful mixture between unbridled hope and abject despair.

Harry thinks it's probably fair to hate him a little, for that face. He's earned the right.

"If he kicks you to the curb, I'll take you to one of those expensive wine tastings you pretend to hate, and I'll let you drink all my samples too." It's not an idle promise. Tommy may pretend to hate it but Harry fucking loves wine tastings. "If he doesn't..." Harry shoots him a fond look, "...knowing your type I'm not invited to the wedding anyway, so I guess then I'd been seeing you around."

Something shadows his gaze for a moment, but he's quick to hide it, to smack Harry on the chest like they've just had a good game, to shift out of bed and into his briefs before Harry can blink. He doesn't love Tommy. Not the way he'd have liked to, years and years ago. Still, when Tommy shoots him the dorkiest finger guns known to man and scoops up the rest of his clothes to take to the bathroom with him, Harry still wonders what it's like to have him enough to love him fully.

---

The name catches him off guard every time he hears it. 'Evan' isn't hard to filter - Evan had been a popular enough name to immediately write it off but Buck wasn't white noise of a name

Buck was a character in a movie, an old grizzled war vet, a dog. The name Buck wasn't popular enough not to hear it every time it was so much as whispered in his direction.

The coffee shop isn't crowded, but it's not dead either. When the girl at the counter calls out an order for Buck, sliding three cups down the counter, Harry can't help but look up.

A tall broad shouldered hulk of a man smiles a dimpled smile at the barista, and Harry watches him palm two cups and grab the third one in one practiced move. He's cute, Harry thinks. Maybe his grandpa ordered, Harry thinks, a little harder, and then caves, following his path through the three-tops littering the lobby.

Harry catches sight of him without being noticed. He's grinning, one of those rare earnest ones that make his ears rise and his face crinkle like a Shar Pei, hand spread out over something lying open on the table. The little girl on the seat to his right is a surprise, but Harry hasn't spoken to Tommy in two years. Maybe he's had enough time to get his mind around the idea that he's nothing like his father. The girl responds to something Tommy says by palming at as much of his face as she can reach and turning to the man now approaching their table.

"Uncle Buck!" he catches, another firm tug at the part of his brain that's been stuck on this for too long. The man barely gets all three drinks on the table before the girl is launching herself up into his arms, and it's too late for Harry to turn away without notice. Tommy's gaze shifts across the room and lands right on him.

He looks like he might wave Harry over, and Harry would rather die than know whether Tommy would introduce him as an old friend, or by name like Buck should know it. He tips a smile Tommy's way. Raises a brow at the man - Buck - and gets lips being sucked behind teeth in response, and then a slow, subtle head tilt.

Good. Good for him. Harry's never wanted anything for Tommy but to see him incandescently happy.

Witnessing it from a distance is better.

Buck twirls his - niece? - flops her back down on the bench seat next to Tommy and bends to say something that includes a pinky promise. He's got a wine-dark stain just above his brow, and Harry can't quite hide the tip of his smile.

Harry's name rings in his ears as he picks up his drink, and he's halfway to the door, feeling proud of himself for not turning back, when he hears the chorus of three laughs erupting from the corner where he'd taken his last good look.

He'd seen the ring on insta, a week and a half ago. Just an uncaptioned picture of two bands balanced one over the other on a rock, a killer sunset sky blurry behind them. No tags. 102 likes and counting.

Harry pushes through the doors and only glances through the window to watch Tommy tip his head back in laughter for a second, before he's cleared the coffee shop and rounded the corner back to his office.

[shares-a-vest]

Happy MET Gala Day. I wrote some tags on THIS post and instantly got brainworms. cw: In this ficlet, Eddie calls Steve a slut but it is said with affection.

"Steve!" Eddie screams over his shoulder into the next room. But his voice only echoes around him, bouncing off the pristine white walls of the hotel room ensuite that he thinks is as big as his uncle's old trailer, "The car is gonna be here any minute!"

Silence.

He smoothes his hands down his lapel one last time and smiles at his reflection before he turns on his heel and rushes into the hotel suite where he finds Steve right where he left him, in a make-up chair getting all dolled up by Chrissy with Robin by his side.

She is asleep in a bedazzled bathrobe and honestly, Eddie would prefer to join her. Not only is attending the MET Gala an expensive evening (Eddie loathes to think how much money Steve has spent in the lead-up to all this), but it all involves being gawked at and judged and repeatedly asked the same three questions by the press who are just going to make him come off like a real asshole anyway.

"Just getting glam done," Steve says, grimacing as Robin gives a grunting snore.

"Stop eating those flowers, Erica..." she mumbles, dipping her head and nuzzling into the plushy warmth of her collar.

Chrissy rolls her eyes and steps back to examine her handiwork.

Whatever that is, Eddie can't really tell. Steve looks just like his regular pretty self with maybe a spot of shimmering blush. He opens his eyes, fluttering his lashes and – well yeah, whatever Chrissy did makes his eyes pop more than usual.

But those eyes quickly grow dark, shadowed by a frown when Steve gives Eddie a once over.

"Is that your outfit?" he accuses.

Eddie nods and does a little twirl only to spin back around to the sight of Steve pursing his lips.

So much for pleasantly surprising each other with their outfits – the only thing that had Eddie giving this whole deal an ounce of his attention.

"Well it isn't on theme," he continues, shrugging with a nonchalance that would give Anna Wintour herself a run for her money.

"What are you talking about?" Eddie defends, "I'm wearing lace!"

He flaps his jacket to reveal a sheer black lace shirt before lifting his touser legs enough to show off his matching socks.

Steve pinches his nose.

"Eddie, that is a bare minimum!"

Eddie flails his hand in the direction of Steve's barely-there shirt, a sheer number that shows all of his chest hair.

"Excuse me for not dressing like a total slut."

He blushes as Steve stands up to reveal a similarly sheer pair of pants (if you could call them that). Underneath is nothing short of a goddamn codpiece that Eddie is certain won't cover his boyfriend's whole ass and –

Robin snorts again, causing Chrissy to giggle.

She nudges her partner and Robin startles awake, almost tipping back in her makeup chair and Eddie realises that 'doing glam' has taken so goddamn long, all because Buckley decided she needed the world's biggest feathery eyelashes.

"Boring!" she says, taking one bleary-eyed look (if she can see through those bird wings, that is) at Eddie's outfit.

She blows a raspberry for good measure.

Steve turns, chuckling and yep – that is at least half of his ass hanging out in some sort of lace-assless-chaps-codpiece situation that has no business being anywhere but on their marital bed – or a paid-for hotel equivalent.

Maybe they should just stay right here, Eddie thinks as he looks, his mouth agape as he ogles the sight before him.

"Calm down, Eddie," Chrissy warns with a wicked grin.

"Well, it's far too late now for us to do anything about it," Steve pouts, throwing on a floral-embroidered vest that at least covers a shred of his modesty, "I told you to come see my stylist."

"What about my brooch!" Eddie shrieks, pointing to the diamond-encrusted rose pin just above his breast pocket, "It's crystal."

[redbelles]

due to our shared ongoing brainrot: what's a thing that gave you the most brainworms in masters of the air? 👀

since i've already given an insane little spiel about the flying fortress here, i will spare you the ever-present aviation brainworms and go with, uh— curt biddick.

like i'm so sorry but the way barry keoghan portrays him makes me insane, actually?

"let’s knock one off, and drop bombs on those nazi fucks, and we get to go home early," the confidence, the swagger, the little teasing joke about buck sitting in his lap if he didn't preemptively give up the left seat, the genuine concern for bucky but the willingness to hit him nonetheless, "i'm irish," the near-debilitating relief when he realizes the rest of the formation is slowing down so he can keep pace, the fucking little spoon in-joke, the characteristically astute question being played for laughs but it is an astute question! why the fuck are they going to africa! and then, god—

the fog spooks him. it's always spooked him. he heads over to talk to buck on the pretense of finding out how buck and his crew are doing, but it's so, so clear he's looking for reassurance. that he's reaffirming to himself that this clusterfuck of a mission is going to be worth it—that they'll do some real damage—even as it's brutally clear that the critical element of timing is already blown to hell. the way all that fear falls away the instant he's in the air, because he's responsible for his crew. "we're losing her" "no we're not!" he's going to keep his goddamn crew alive. his insistence that he can bring her down safely, even when it doesn't matter. when it would be easier, and safer, and smarter to bail out. dickie's going to die whether or not curt manages the gentlest landing in the world, but fuck, he has to try. he can't not try. it's such a vicious contrast to quinn's choice when babyface is trapped in the ball turret, and it breaks my fucking heart.

all this is nuanced by the fact that curt's story is one of the narrative changes masters of the air made— curt biddick did not die trying to set his plane down so his dying co-pilot could have a shot at survival. in reality, curt biddick burned to death holding his fortress level so that the rest of the crew could safely bail out. he was known as a hard luck pilot, though, and i think the changes successfully walk the very fine line of serving the narrative (see: parallel with quinn and babyface) while simultaneously honoring the spirit of the events being portrayed.

you know that i knew that the regensburg-schweinfurt raid was a shitshow and that i was prepared to watch people die, but god, curt's death still hit me like a ton of bricks. it's so well done, and the acting is phenomenal from start to finish. curt biddick, the man that you were. barry keoghan, the man that you are.

anyway! thank u for the ask! hope u like the fuckin' essay you got in response!

inbox me one (1) thing you want to know about me

[cripplingoptimism]

Distractions [3/3]

Gonna wrap this up in 3 parts. Previous here.

Yo, WHAT was happening on Twitter this week?? Every time I opened the app there was a new analysis of the Goddamn couch scene. I didn't think Trigun could hurt me any more and yet here I am in a new spiral over an internet stranger's hot take.

Anywaaaaay, I've had this brainworm way before whatever angst got a hold of Twitter. I've always interpreted Vash and Wolfwood’s relationship as 'right people, wrong time'. But honestly, I love every interpretation of them - platonic, soulmates, lovers, etc. So, through these comics I wanted to show moments during their journey that conveyed the gradual evolution of their relationship (as I head cannon it lmao). Canonically, Vash never gets to tell Wolfwood how he feels and my poor little heart has been in denial about that ever since. So this is my *slight* rewriting of the series of events leading up to Wolfwood's solo journey.

At this point in the manga (ch. 50) I wanted to show that, despite the 7 month time skip, it's like no time has passed between them. They're still comfortable and casual with each other, still seeking the comfort of distractions - Neither of them wanting to shatter the illusion of normalcy in this moment. And I feel Vash would be the first to ask for more when reality comes knocking (through Wolfwood's fist lol).

He knows, even in a best-case scenario, his time with Wolfwood is limited. And while Vash is just as shackled by duty and guilt as Wolfwood, he carries an optimism about him that Wolfwood lacks. He needs Woolfwood to know how he feels so he can live without regret, regardless of the outcome. As such, he takes the leap. Wolfwood, unfortunately, cannot bring himself to share in that optimism. He’s too absorbed in worry about the orphanage, the children and especially Livio. His heart is screaming at him, but he knows he can’t afford to be distracted by his “selfish” desires. So, he rejects Vash by being realistic and hopes he can see that he wants this too, but just can't bear the impending heartbreak due to their circumstances. Vash does see this. He swallows his disappointment and heartbreak, earnestly grateful for the relationship he still has with Wolfwood.

I know my characterization feels like it conflicts with the moment on the couch; Vash can't even look at Wolfwood for that entire scene despite Wolfwood being the one to try and connect with him ("You look better...when you smile."). However, I never saw that moment as Vash rejecting Wolfwood. Not in the traditional sense at least (maybe an inadvertent rejection). Vash wanted more between them (to share his tomorrows), but not like this - not as a deathbed confession. He's heartbroken and grieving and (somewhat selfishly) can't see that Wolfwood just wants to enjoy his last moments with the one person on this planet he can call an equal and a friend.

Speaking of the dreaded couch scene, I don't think I can add anything new to the discourse, but I will say the tragedy for me really lies in all the emotions Wolfwood goes through:

Being at peace with his death ("This is the way you want it?" "Yeah."). It's what he believed he deserved, with all the blood on his hands, and the mutation of his body, he assumed he could never return to his previous life with everyone at the orphanage.

Grieving for his future (confetti). Wolfwood never believed he could be forgiven. The children celebrating his return showed their acceptance of him, welcoming him back regardless of his sins. He was worthy of forgiveness. His guilt prevented him from even entertaining the thought of forgiving himself. There must have been regret in those tears.

Seeking comfort from the one person he grew to truly trust and Vash not being strong enough to give it. I already mentioned this above, but Vash not even being able to look at Wolfwood throughout the entire couch scene tears me up.

From the narrative's perspective, Wolfwood needed to die. And even knowing that, it still absolutely destroyed me (and still does). Not just because he died, but because right before his death, he was given a glimmer of hope - that had he survived the fight with Livio, he would have had a chance at happiness.

Last side note here: I've seen discourse online explaining the entire scene is a metaphor for a wedding and I just wanna say, you'll be hearing from my therapist.

[charleslelurk]

2024 AO3 Wrapped

I was tagged by @landinrris! Thank you 💕

January to December 2024

~

Works Published: 21 (but one is a secondary posting of another fic because I published it as originally intended and then also in chronological order because the scenes skip around in the timeline)

Comment Threads: 276

Word Count: 280,253 (but really 240k because of that double posted fic)

~

I am only going to include F1 fics for these categories since that's all I write now, but my F1 AU I posted early in 2024 for another fandom does take some of these accolades

Top 3 kudos fics

🏆 - Drunk Myself Down (ok wait I didn't realize this until now and literally how is a one non smut shot my most kudosed fic, slay)

🥈 - Erosion

🥉 - Death Bloom (alright, guess we're all freaks) (jk this fic isn't even that bad in the grand scheme of fic)

~

Top word count

🏆 - Erosion

🥈 - Borderline of a Bad Idea (lmao not my current chaptered WIP where they only just got together being my second highest word count)

🥉 - In the Silences

~

Top ships

🏆 Carlando (10) My main brainworms for months, and will continue to be I'm sure

🥈 Lestappen (3) I will write more of them... someday...

TIED WITH

🥈 Charlos (3) oh Ferrari divorce, how you have moved me

~

Top 3 tags

🏆 Anal Sex (give it up for anal sex! goddamn someone sedate me for this being my NUMBER ONE, take me out back and SHOOT me)

🥈 Angst (and there it is, never under estimate my ability to make everything angst)

🥉 Anal Fingering (fuck me, I guess I did write a shit ton of Carlando smut one shots this year)

~

Tagging: @toppamplemousse, @bumblewyn, and @wedriftlikelonelyplanets

Tag all your favourite F1 RPF author accounts and let’s share and celebrate our achievements this year! ✍🏼🧡👇🏼

[atsadi-shenanigans]

Feeding Alligators 63 - I'll Cry if I Want To

You get drunk. Guess who comes lurking?

On AO3.

Getting shit-faced. That is what wine’s good for.

The night’s real pretty. Y’all are inside the grove, all the goblins’re fucking dead, and the druids ain’t gonna let…let fucking wargs or mean bears in here. So it’s safe. There’s a rock digging into your left ass cheek, and you cannot be fucked to do nothing about it. But you’re safe! So it’s fine.

You take another gulp. People say when you got enough alcohol, you don’t notice then taste no more, but those fuckers’re lying liars who fucking lie, and it still tastes like bitter…bitter piss.

Bitch burns, too.

“Shit is gross,” you say to nobody. “The fuck do people drink this?”

Probably cause it makes you warm. And vaguely floating. Your muscles seem to burn a lot more, but you’re still kinda happy. Not like, sing and flail around the living room happy, but happy enough the last…week? Ish? Whatever. The night is pretty. An owl hoots and squirrels run along branches. Bugs creak and hum and a crow in the trees above lets out a sleepy “crk.”

“Sorry!” you say. Realize you’re shouting. Whisper, “Sorry.”

Crows keep grudges, huh? You heard about that. Should let the little dude to back to sleep.

Probably shouldn’t be out in the woods by yourself?

Whatever.

Another gulp. Your whole face wrinkles.

“I thought you didn’t drink?” says a fucking rat man.

You turn. The woods spin a little, and you gotta blink before the two, pale silhouettes become one bastard man.

“’Sa party,” you say. “Errbody’s drinking.”

Why’s he here? You ain’t been gone long. Right? You’re pretty sure.

“How’s Lae’zel?” you say.

He winces. You’re shouting again.

You pitch your voice back down. “How’s Lae’zel?”

He gives you a look. It slides right on past you. “Jealous, dear?”

Your chest hurts again. Still for no fucking reason. “Pff. No. Just surprised how quick it was.”

For some reason, he pulls back in outrage (yeah! you recognize that one!). “Excuse me?”

“It ain’t nothing bad!” You only flail a little. Almost throw the wine bottle and then have to clutch it to your chest. Next to your soul flask. They clink through your shirt. “Just…y’know. ‘Fficient. You’re very efficient.”

He stands there like he’s trying to parse out what you’re saying. Did the potion wear off again? You gotta study more.

And who the fuck cares. You ain’t out here for him. You ain’t out here for nobody except to get shit-faced.

“Why are you out here alone?” rat bastard man says.

It probably ain’t supposed to be funny. Or maybe it just ain’t funny to him. Or anyone but you. But for you? You don’t drink, you don’t hookup, but you do plonk your ass down and get sloshed off a bottle and a half of wine all by your lonesome.

You want ice cream. You would literally kill a man for ice cream.

“If I didn’t know any better,” the bastard fuck boy says, “I’d say you look like you were trying to drink away your feelings.”

You squint up at him. White hair a silvery halo around his head in the moonlight. Eyes shining like new pennies in the low light. Fucker asks your opinion on who he ought to bang, and then finds you afterwards to…to fucking needle you?

You ain’t never been drunk like this. You flirted with getting mildly buzzed. Got borderline tipsy that once when Ryan fucking Meadows ghosted you and you ugly cried onto Sasha’s only clean work shirt.

None of that really processes, though. You ain’t really up to the whole “processing” thing right now; that barn door is long open and them hogs already sprinted for the hills.

“You’re such a dick,” you say, clicking the “k” at the end extra hard. “Pompous goddamn mess of a…of a man dick.”

He blinks like you just sprouted a beak and began reciting the entire works of Shakespeare in chicken.

And you ain’t done. “I got all the fucking reason to be off my damn ass out here, you shit. I lost my whole fucking family. Again. My whole fucking world. Fucking demons and brainworms and your ass. Maybe I just wanted to get drunk all by myself.”

You feel how dry your mouth is, and chug a few more swallows.

“Tastes like shit,” you say and try to scrape your tongue on your teeth. “Don’t know why anybody drinks it.”

Astarion still stands there. Fucking creepo. He’ll get all huffy and leave; toss you some snide bullshit before he goes. Jackass.

Only he don’t. He…lowers himself down. Not right next to you, but within kicking distance.

You think about doing just that.

“What even is that swill?” he says.

You look at the label. At the swirly-spiky letters all swooping together. Turn to him, with the most deadpan expression you can muster, and say, “What’s up, I’m Jared, I’m nineteen, and I never fucking learned how to read.”

It is, hands down, the best joke you ever made in your whole life. You bend over laughing. You cry, laughing. Your bladder twinges and you keep laughing.

But then something happens. And you’re still laughing, and your eyes is watering, but now it hurts. Now you can’t breathe and nobody else is laughing with you cause they don’t get the joke and never will because your world is dead. Not like, actually. But they might as well be.

And like hell you want Astarion to fucking see that. So you shove the bottle at him and turn away like it’s just the giggles. Ain’t nothing to see here. Just a giggly drunk.

No one is ever gonna get your jokes. Ain’t nobody gonna know what “Wednesday my dudes” is. Or the helium balloons. Or the yoga grinch.

Oh fuck. Oh fuck oh fuck.

Wine sloshes in the bottle. Astarion somehow gives an audible grimace.

“I think you grabbed the worst of them, darling. This is pure vinegar.”

You don’t turn around. You try to shove the goddamn sniffles back in your face. You don’t cry in front of other people. That shit ain’t safe. It’s how everybody knows how weak and stupid you are, and you are not gonna give this jackass that ammunition.

But it keeps coming. The smell of the red dirt after a hard rain. Homemade pecan custard pie. Uncle Randy was gonna take you to the Cherokee Days this fall. You was gonna try to learn basket weaving. The old style.

And you up and disappeared on him. On all of them.

Again.

Only this time, you ain’t coming back. This time, you ain’t gonna find no pink bicycle waiting for you cause you ain’t never gonna come crunching back over that red gravel. Never gonna smell them rich pecan trees, and bitch about Uncle Randy’s nasty cigarettes.

This is what you do, ain’t it? You disappear. You run off. You leave your family. All of your family, even the piece of shit parts over and over and over.

The tears coat your cheeks. You swipe at them furiously.

The wine sloshes again.

“Our gith friend had other plans for the evening,” Astarion says after…you don’t know.

You glance up and the sky spins above you. Fuck, you’re gonna make yourself sick you keep this up.

Deep breath in, deep breath out.

“That sucks,” you say.

He makes a startled, snorting sound. “There was none of that, actually. And that’s the problem.”

Ah. Ye-awp. That’d do it. That’d be why he’s here with you. His prospect failed, so now he’s come back to you. The easy one.

You sigh and finally lose your fight with gravity and flop onto your side. You wave vaguely over your shoulder.

“Go find one of them tieflings, then,” you say. “They can’t all be paired off.”

You’re tired, actually. Desperately so. The grass is nice and soft, and it’s safe out here, right?

Something shuffles. A rhythmic swish of grass. It’s the change in the air that alerts you. He don’t radiate body heat cause he don’t got none. But he is…surrounded by something a lot like a static field.

You look up to see him on all fours over you, peering down. Not like, over you, over you, it’s just his head. He wears no expression. Just…looks at you.

Have you ever seen him like this before?

“You didn’t seek any playmates of your own,” he says. And who the fuck talks like that?

“I got.” You start to lift your hand to waggle your remaining wine bottle, but your hands is empty. Ah fuck. “I had wine.”

“But you didn’t need to drink by yourself, darling. Both the cleric and the wizard would have gladly followed you out here.”

Well he certainly did.

Still, that blank face. Not, like, shuttered blank. Just…open. Or empty. It’s just his face.

…you should just tell him. All’ve this would be so easy if you just fucking told him. But he dumped you. He’s probably one of them guys who gets real weird when he finds out you’re thirty-five and are the sole provider of your own orgasms.

And it shouldn’t fucking matter.

“Didn’t want to,” you say. And do not elaborate.

Leaving the ball in his court. He fumbles with it. Stares at you like you just tossed him a soggy potato.

You’re kinda curious to see what he does with it.

His eyes narrow. You think he frowns. But it ain’t a pissy frown. It’s a thinking frown. And too late you remember that this bastard clues in on your plans real fast. That he seems to have a decent read on things (that ain’t trying to get into your pants).

Oh fuck.

“You haven’t dabbled with any of our merry band,” he says. Is that thoughtful? He sounds thoughtful. Shit on a goddamn cracker.

Um.

“And you saved me back at that goblin camp,” you say. And give yourself a mental high five, cause if he wants to delve into shit you don’t wanna talk about, take a reverse fucking uno card, jackass!

But he don’t dodge or parry, this time. He fucking leans in. You breathe in some of his own exhale and feel your cheeks begin to warm (through the booze).

“And what if I did?” he says, voice just shy of a whisper.

Oh. You didn’t expect that. Shit. What’s the play here? Uh.

“I’d thank you,” you say.

The sky spins above him. He’s the only steady thing in your vision.

“Is that all?” he says. Y’all are totally sharing lung air now, and his whisper gives you a goddamn ASMR shiver.

Except you’re drunk. And he’s way too close. And the shivers quiver down to your belly. The sky spins faster.

“What if I told you,” Astarion breathes, “that I’ve been thinking about our night together ceaselessly—”

Your stomach lurches.

Oh. That ain’t a shiver or a booze buzz or Astarion. You make some awful gagging sound, wrench up and to the side, and bring up about a bottle and a half of wine.

Previous - Index - Next Chapter

[echthr0s]

Once upon a time people on this very website kept bugging me, an avowed Fable fan, to play some other RPG. So I finally went to some store or another and picked up a copy and went "HERE. I GOT YOUR STUPID GAME ALRIGHT" not having any clue what sort of autism brainworm hell was about to be unleashed upon me over the next decade.

And now here we are, somewhere in the vicinity of 13 years later, and we're at it again. This time it is not "HERE. I GOT YOUR STUPID GAME ALRIGHT" but it is "FINE. I'LL FINISH THIS GODDAMN TRASHFIRE OF A SERIES ALRIGHT"

[whoblewboobear]

Hey sorry if this is weird to say n I know the tags you left on my post the other day when I was joking abt like. How all roads for Jace lead back to Porter like I know they’re old tags and I meant to reply sooner but I really liked what u had to say esp the part at the end I guess abt like. Is Jace returning to Porter even when we try to give him something new tragic or is he glad he got to experience new life with other people who also got to experience new life through essentially the act of creation. I just thought that was a beautiful sentiment. Like I joke about us being in the Zarajace trenches but I love her so much and i get she’s a minor character but it really does make me sad that she’s never seen as a character whose interiority is worth taken seriously. (I literally checked to see if i was crazy and like for example on ao3 she’s only in like 10 works and one is mine two are yours! and the others are like misc Zaraporterjace or sb content n offhand mentions.) I love her so much. Maybe this is silly but even as ‘always a duo’ can be so personal there is something to like. Imbuing a constellation of people including Zara that also get second rich life when we write abt our little blonde guy that we put in Situations :’)

Anyway keep fighting the good zarajace fight ily we’re stronger together! 💪

It's not weird at all! I got so in the weeds with my tags on your post bc Just the idea that maybe we all doomed Jace by tying him back to porter makes me sad but then there's duality to it of, hey he got agency and maybe he's happy too. They started in such a dark place because of the implications within canon but like- the power that creation holds is so special. In the show, Zara had a lot more to work with and I remember being a little scared to write her because it felt so daunting. She already had agency and personality that felt so clear. Like I look at her and I want to be truthful to the seeds that were planted with how she's portrayed. But it really is that same internal debate of did we doom her and take away some of that agency by tying her to Jace? Or is she happy?

ngl I have both you and @italicized-oh to thank for putting the ZaraJace brainworms in my head bc I- wow. Just like- I came into this a starbreaker girlie and fell ass backwards into ZaraJace best friends to QPR to Lavender Marriage pipeline and I think through that, through Jace and through creation Zara is happy. Plus I love that her paramour is still acknowledge a lot of the time. She has such a deep love for them outside of all the Jace and Porter shenanigans. Maybe when the lens isnt focused on her, she's having a full life in her own right. I like to think that she's fulfilled and she's happy. But goddamn I would love to see and maybe even write some Zara charater studies bc as a vampire loving whore, I'm in love with awe of her 😭

Thank you for such a lovely message~ and godspeed in the ZaraJace trenches bc we're gonna need it lmaooo

[williamrikers]

Some Personal BL Highlights of 2024

i made this post a year ago, so i'm going to do a retrospective this year, too! let's go! (i am including shows that started airing in 2023 but finished their run in 2024)

Best Show

i thought long and hard about this, but i think the title needs to go to century of love this year. this show knew exactly what it wanted to say, told its story without ever losing sight of the big picture, used every single minute of its runtime wisely and was just a wonderful experience overall.

Most Rewatchable Show And Best Main Couple

that said, jack & joker gripped me by the throat and hasn't let me go. is this show perfect? no. will i be obsessed with it for the foreseeable future? yes. this is definitely the most brainworms-inducing show of the year, and it has a very special place in my heart.

Best Sensuality

THAT SAID, i would be remiss if i didn't mention love sea anywhere near the best shows of the year, because whew! what an offering! the final battle in the sensuality bracket this year was yinwar vs fortpeat for me, and as much as i love and adore yinwar... fortpeat did That. so. yeah.

The Scene That Came For My Life The Most

uh, the fox spirit scene on century of love. need i say more? 😵‍💫

Best Premise (That Was Utterly Ruined By The Show)

congratulations, wandee goodday! this year, you had the chance to become one of my favorite shows, and then the actual plot was so badly written that i ended up not watching the final two episodes. this isn't even the largest bone i have to pick with p'golf this year, because among the new categories, i am introducing

Worst Sex Scene

... and the rebound has got this one in the bag. it's not even so bad it's good, no, it's just dumb! this show is also the reason why going forward, i won't watch anything made by p'golf anymore, which is an achievement in and of itself, i guess?

Best Side Couple

moving on to greener pastures, who could forget jj and methas bickering on this love doesn't have long beans? their enemies to lovers storyline was everything to me.

Most Beautiful Brown Eyes

one thing i can say for wandee goodday, i had to make this category for my man podd, because that one shot of him in the sunlight? yeag. gave me immediate psychic damage because he was too beautiful. absolutely incomprehensibly beautiful brown eyes. that one shot has lived in my brain rent free for months now and i still think about it regularly.

Best Confession Scene

battle of the writers was a fascinating mess of a show, and as much as none of the plot made any sense, they somehow managed to write the best confession scene ever conceived for pie and ozone. i wish i could recommend this show just for that, but no, i really can't.

Most Poetic Cinema

hands down, peaceful property episode 7 should go down in gmmtv history as the best and most tragically poetic story ever told. once again, forcebook showed us the kind of magic they can do when they are given a good script, and i for one am awaiting melody of secrets with baited breath.

Most Unhinged Watching Experience

this list would not be complete without mentioning pit babe. was pit babe "good"? i honestly don't know. but it was definitely wild. it was so much goddamn fun watching this from week to week and definitely one of my favorite watching experiences of the whole year.

Best Toxic Yaoi

where 2023 lacked toxic yaoi, 2024 gave us a beautiful tableau of toxicity that i enjoyed immensely. the highlight i want to point out here is my stand-in, although the runners-up dead friend forever and 4 minutes deserve to be mentioned as well.

Best Actor

i feel the need to include this category this year because fuaiz thanawat just blew me away. out of all the great performances in the aforementioned toxic yaoi, he truly stood out as the young actor to watch. rumour has it that he and jjay are going to headline their own show soon (-ish?), and i am absolutely thrilled at the prospect! fuaiz deserves the world. he is just absolutely brilliant.

Wildest BL Moment

uh, nude uncensored dick on 4 minutes. i literally still cannot believe they did that. once again, boc is out there casually redefining the limitations of the genre.

Most Anticipated Show Of 2025

somehow, still my golden blood??? i have been waiting for this show for OVER A YEAR NOW, and i NEED IT 😭😭😭😭 thank god this is actually going to air soon, otherwise i might implode.

[rynli]

Hi, can I just say I'm in love with your fic? Cause I'm in love with your fucking fic. Did I finish binge reading it just five minutes ago? Yes. Yes I did. But it makes the brain worms fresh, so.

1. IM IN LOVE WITH YOUR CHARACTERISATION. Harry is enough of a sopping sack of old man sadness coupled with incompetence of a guy who forgor everything about the current reality - even down to the simplicity of 'wait, where do you buy ingredients?' and needing someone to explain how to do his own goddamn paperwork. And of COURSE Pryce needs him back on his old caseload - which would just kill him. Again. AND BY GOD, MAN.... The way that breakdown/relapse chapter went down? God. He really did just try to go on a run. At least he got a bowl out of it, though. Absolutely love the way you write the skills and all the failed checks, too, cause man is Harry struggling. Absolutely delightful. (Also this is small, but electrochemistry being more than the 'take drugs!!' guy is. Actually refreshing which is unfortunate. He's the HAPPY CHEMICAL GUY!! THE THINGS YOU ENJOY DOING!! SEEKING SEROTONIN AND DOPAMINE! He's gonna be excited over a new fuckin thing that makes you happy!)

2. KIM. THE MAN HIMSELF. I love that you're making him act appropriately silly actually. He's not serious all the time. Yes he's a killjoy but he'll also call you a schoolboy. The banter??? God I love the banter. The bit with 'papa' at the lake actually killed me and I almost whipped out a whole essay right there. GOD he plays off of Harry so well. ALSO!!! ACTUALLY VALIDATING HIS FEELINGS IN THAT SCENE!! MEETING HIM HALFWAY, NOT TAKING A STEP BACK. HARRY IS MENTALLY ILL, AND YOU DON'T TELL THOSE PEOPLE THEIR DELUSIONS/BELIEFS/IN THIS CASE BRAIN VOICES ARE NOT REAL OR THAT THEY DON'T MATTER!!! GOD. The talk of Kim being actively curious about Harry's voices, too? The 'Dreamer' bit? Oh my godddd. I hope we see Harry introduce more of the skills to Kim, I'd love for that to be an ongoing literary thread of Harry giving bits of his heart on a silver platter. Man.

Okay I'm rambling but the last thing I'll mention is the actual MYSTERY!! It being mostly kids/teenagers??? KNOWING AND ACKNOWLEDGING HARRY USED TO BE A GYM TEACHER AND USED TO INTERACT AND TEACH KIDS? That has to be devastating, right?? You could have known them. In another life. One was LITERALLY coming back from soccer practice. It could have been you, losing one of your students. Whos to say be didn't lose them before? God. Just- god. He joined the cops for the city, for the people- and they keep dying anyway.

(I AM SO NORMAL ABOUT YOUR FIC!!! SO NORMAL RIGHT NOW!!! I PROMISE. IT'S VERY LOVELY.)

Holy shit thank you for the fresh brainworms!! Eating them like a bird.

Poor Harry is sopping wet and going through it. He's exactly the mix of pathetic + weird + potentially scary that I love to read and write about, and I am throwing him against the wall to see how he splats. Kim is less intuitive, especially when it comes to things like Harry's voices (the game text is very clear that he doesn't believe things talk to Harry, but also he cares a lot for him at this point and he knows that this is important to him!!) so I'm very happy to hear that that hit the mark.

Fun fact! I almost didn't even start this fic because I didn't think I could come up with skill dialogue! Thankfully they flow surprisingly easily. Echem 👏redemption 👏 arc! Give the guy some natural dopamine!

Oh god... Harry would have known so many of the district's youth... he absolutely had to take cases with kids he used to know. screaming and crying. I'm always thinking about how he's a cop to try to help people, but as a homicide detective he can only ever show up after it's too late. I'm hoping to find a place where he can help people (and the city) preventatively, rather than posthumously! I've found several lines in the game that point in a certain direction; hoping I can get there.

I'm glad we can all be so normal together :)

[eldritchamy]

omg i completely forgot about the grand folia hotel. i read it when it came out, it rewired my whole dang brain, and then i moved on. aaaa im gonna go reread it right now even though I've been up all night and need to sleep (there aren't any plants around to stop me from making self-destructive sleep cycle decisions muahaha). thank you for your post about it! also if it's alright to offer a recommendation, Hospitable Takeover on Readonlymind.com was the second ever HDG fanfic and in my opinion greatly informed the tone of the setting in 2021 and 2022. It's also just super cozy and comfy and a perennial favorite of mine ^w^

You're welcome for the brainworms!

I understand completely, I'm not sure WHAT chapter 10 did to me but I think my brain is a torus now. I didn't THINK I had a free use kink (I PROBABLY still don't, at least as a participant), but I didn't think I had a PETPLAY kink either until this fucking universe started turning me inside out a few days ago.

I'm already rereading The Grand Folia Hotel myself because I feel like given the plot there's a lot more to get out of it by reading it through a second time (somehow I didn't realize that Phoebe was basically in a perpetual lesbian bluescreen from the moment she stepped into the garden in chapter 1).

Plus it was just EXTRAORDINARILY HOT and I can't wait to watch Phoebe/Amaranth get broken all over again.

It's a shame the story didn't keep going into the ongoing corruption and implantation past her initial surrender, the characters had such good chemistry with each other that I'm really craving more of them. Would have LOVED a chapter or two (or six) of newly implanted pinnates, especially with how amused Celosia was by the fact that they fucking tricked her into taking them at all. Celosia and Phoebe are fucking perfect for each other.

Her revenge must have been DELICIOUS.

And GOD Becca must have been so fucking smug about it once Phoebe was ACTUALLY a floret. I need to know the teasing that happened once she got her real implant.

This is what I meant in a previous post when I said I was "frothing at the cerebellum" to read it again. I'm going actually insane.

Which, as many new people are I'm sure rapidly learning about me, means it is Once Again Infodump Time, because I suffer from a terminal case of Someone Needs To Shut Me Up With A Kiss disease. (I am also a long sufferer of Capitalizes Letters For Emphasis syndrome.)

I'm like the free use kink of infodumping, a bunch of people seem to have figured out how to make me do it almost on queue, and they do it, because they think it's cute. I don't DENY that it's cute, but god does it seem to cost me a lot of the time that I meant to spend reading about the good little florets.

I CAN'T keep taking an hour to write every goddamn post I make about HDG. WHEN WILL I SLEEP? More importantly, WHEN WILL I FINISH REREADING CHAPTER TWO? It took me four extraneous paragraphs to even mention that the read more continues exactly from the train of thought I left off on an aforementioned four paragraphs ago! God, I need help.

AND Phoebe never even saw herself in a mirror ONCE in the story! I want to know what happened the first time she saw what the Class Gs were doing to her! (Do you think Celosia put her in Doll Mode and made Amaranth pose in front of a mirror and be perfectly still, watching her own blank expression obediently while Celosia and Jazz just relentlessly caressed her with every imaginable affection? Do you think Phoebe's wake up trigger was Amaranth saying "Good dolls know they are deserving of love. I'm a good doll and I am worthy of love"? Do you think, beyond the moment when she accepted she was meant to be broken by Celosia's will, that that was the moment she understood what it meant to be put back together, and it was the moment she truly felt, and for the first time could not deny or run away from, that she was the happiest she'd ever been? Because I DO think that happened. And I need it.)

It even would have been nice to see INDRA further along in her own corruption later on. Altiss seemed like a good influence on her, it was really sweet that she had that nice moment with Phoebe at the end of the Matinee.

I'm STARVING for more of that specific story, it was SO good. (Keysmasht, if you ever see this somehow, how much of my soul do you want for a few more chapters? I'll beg.)

Hell, I might beg for permission to write those chapters MYSELF someday. That story is too good for there to not be more of it.

Anyway.

Thanks for the recommendation! I can't BELIEVE I've never heard of this setting before now, it's extremely my shit (apparently) and I'm loving the discovery of new, interesting content that I can not fucking put down. Judging by the tags on my posts, and a friend on discord, flinging myself headfirst into all of this has inspired a few other little seedlings to follow me into florethood.

Recommendations from people more familiar with the setting and stories are definitely welcome, though I can't promise I'll get to any one particular story soon.

Abscission and Divaricated come up in a lot of recommendations for lore reasons? But I've been putting off some of the longer stories like those and Dog of War because they're HUGE commitments and it's so hard not to consume as many stories as possible.

Except, of course, for the fact that I keep rereading the ones I've already gone through because I like what they did to my brain.

I'm struggling not to make TWO other ones I've already read (the original and Inosculate) the next ones on the list after rereading Grand Folia.

Hospital Takeover sounds like an EXCELLENT recommendation, I LOVE cozy and comfy stuff within a primarily kink setting. I'm SO glad the second one I ever read was A Normal Grocery Run During Which No Domestication Occurs. I adore the way SapphicSounds writes dorkier more nervous Affini, and I'm glad I got to see THAT QUICKLY how much of a tonal range there was in HDG stories.

Sleepy Bitch also sounds cute, so I wanna do that one soon.

Also the reading of any particular one is slow going because unfortunately my brain is absolutely churning with ideas of my own. I'm VERY tempted to do a pinnates one because I'm absolutely HOOKED on that concept in particular. I already know one of their names and I just came up with a great title for the story while ...rather vividly imaging a very intense domming scene.

I do want to read a fair bit more before I try my hand at writing one, though. While I've got enough domme in me to feel like I could do some of the Affini taunting justice (seeing Akash in the first story use almost the exact domming style I go for was... enlightening, to say the least; now I know why I get such good keymashes out of my teasing victims), I want to have a bit more confidence in the world itself first to make sure I get it right.

But it's far from the first time I've considered writing erotica. I definitely have the brainworms for it at the moment.

[coolcattime]

capsize is kinda like kaede if you think about it a lil

Okay, okay.

So you are so goddamn right for this take, to the point that I'm gonna discuss this on two fronts.

Spoilers for V3 and also Mianite I guess

Though before I go into this. I just want to make something clear for things I will be saying later about V3 will be saying later: V3 is the only one of the main three Danganronpa games where I don't dislike any of the students. I really like the cast as a whole and the worse I feel about any of them is neutral.

Now going into Kaede and Capsize.

They are both trying to take a place in the story that isn't theirs

Kaede begins V3 by literally saying that she is the protagonist of the story. This is a funny little fourth wall break, a nod to the ‘true nature’ of V3, and not fucking true.

The protagonist of V3 is Shuichi. As we the players learn when control switches to him during trial one because Kaede is the blackened of the trial.

And, I think if we were somehow able to watch Mianite from Capsize's POV, I think we'd get a really similar vibe.

Capsize believes herself the person that is meant to save Ianite. She gets to the champions and is confronted by Jordan.

Now Jordan is not Shuichi because (as I'm going to go into later) Shuichi is one of few people who is consistently nice to Kaede and Jordan is not that to Capsize, in fact he's the damn opposite. But he does fit the role of basically taking over her mission and role posthumously and being the one to tell her story.

So like yeah, first part of this take: Capsize got those Kaede vibes because she is essentially the false protagonist of her main mission in life.

Now for my second point where you really got the brainworms going:

Posthumous legacy when the other characters misremember them

Now once again beginning with the obvious character: posthumously Capsize gets remembered as basically Jordan's girlfriend. Her own people are all either dead or disappear from the plot (read every pirate but Capsize in s1), so her story is exclusively told by either Jordan who tells his own not true version of their relationship or characters that never met her like Martha and Mot.

The most obvious way that Kaede is misportrayed post death starts before she actually died and it is the manipulation of Rantaro's death and Kaede's crime by--

AGAIN SERIOUSLY V3 SPOILERS UNDER HERE LIKE STUFF FROM THE LAST CASE AND CONCLUSION OF THE GAME (and let's be honest with how some DR fans don't know what V3 actually stands for I know some of you haven't seen 3-6)

Tsumugi, the Mastermind. Tsumugi is the real killer of Rantaro. And she frames the crime on Kaede and executes her for it.

Now: let me make it very clear. Kaede did fully intend to kill someone. She set up a trap and sprang it with the full intent to kill. However, she failed at this, her shot put ball missing and Tsumugi actually being the one to make the final blow.

Tsumugi takes away all evidence that she committed the murder and that Kaede's plan failed. Kaede is executed, Mugi lives until the end of Chapter Six.

Tsumugi initially taints Kaede's legacy to portray her as a murderer, then later literally tries to start pinning the mastermind role on her as well briefly (by noting that Kaede has a twin, just like Junko, in the final investigation).

But that is kinda par for the course because Mugi is the villain. Like the spends the game manipulating the cast.

But everyone else also kinda remembers Kaede. Because she's kinda portrayed as this guiding light, optimistic Makoto like figure, but basically no one likes Kaede in the first chapter of V3.

Honestly, that might be like a double take of a description, but while Kaede is this upbeat, positive, and optimistic - at least in my eyes one of her main character traits is being heavily bullied.

In her first introduction as the Ultimate Pianist, she says that everyone calls her Piano Freak. Which I think is meant to be a write off joke about how she's that(™) into piano, but it feels like a particularly mean way of putting it.

And then, at two different points in Chapter One, basically the whole cast jump on her and start laying into her. Like the only two I know for sure are never mean to Kaede are Shuichi (who never speaks up to defend her) and Kaito (who no one in the cast respects the opinion of at this point in the story).

(To note, it has been a while since I have played V3 so I cannot for the life of me remember if Tenko and Gonta are ever mean to Kaede. I think they also aren't but I don't want to speed through V3 to check)

There are two quite long scenes of everyone telling Kaede that she is in the wrong. And I mean that Maki literally says that she believes this is Kaede's fault in one of the scenes.

After one of the two scenes, Kaede retreats to her room, cries, and then doesn't know why she's crying. And idk, I know this is inference but it really does read to me that Kaede has been shit on so much throughout her life that she doesn't understand why she's actually upset that everyone is yelling at her.

But suddenly by the end of Chapter One, everyone loves Kaede. They want to stop Kaede from dying.

Unlike Jordan with Capsize, I don't blame Shuichi for the way that he portrays Kaede posthumously. He did really only see the optimistic side of her and she was to him the guiding light that got him to be more optimistic. And frankly he was literally willing to kill himself and fourteen others just to not have to admit that she killed someone (also Claire de Lune still makes me cry and look I just do really love Shuichi's arc), but I do definitely give the side eye to the rest of the cast.

(Genuinely: I really wish that Kokichi's poor Tenko bit towards Himiko had been done about Kaede to the rest of the cast. But I do understand that it was maybe a bit early in the game for that and I wouldn't want to take it away from trial three either)

But to get back to the point, Capsize and Kaede both suffer posthumously from being portrayed as people that they were with relationships that they didn't have.

Had I realised earlier that Capsize has Kaede coding, she honestly might've become the protagonist of my Danganronpa AU. Heck, she might've gotten the Shuichi treatment with Red as a decoy protag. But now I've planned the au with Sonja as a protagonist (though one of my three OC Danganronpa AUs does have Katherine - my OC based on Capsize - as the protagonist with mega Kaede vibes so many I just need to write more of that).

Thank you so much for this ask for just letting me get some brainworms out.

[lustrous-dawn]

Some Positivity

I'm absolutely surprised I do not have an image of my sona with a heart so Zhen will have to do it. Especially given his ‘job’

The start of the year for me has been rough. The folks who know my situation know my words are a severe understatement but I can’t let that hold me down. But it has made it abundantly clear that I am loved. 

Loved.

I genuinely have folks who love me for who am I. 

I couldn't ask for any more words than that today.

I am loved for what I am and what I do and that's all I could ever ask for. And I love myself for it.

So today, lets give out a little bit of love to some folk today. 

Edge; @casteliacityramen

I love how you are incredibly indecisive about reblogging some things on your side account. Something that means a lot to a character that someone may get a free hint on. I mean hell I used to do that all the time in my younger days to keep them on my brain to stay a little consistent on it. But man, I'm sure you've been hearing a lot from other people and honestly I'll be one of them hollering in the back about how we love Rio. 

MepersonallyIwanttoseeRaybutwe’llgetthere. 

The point is your story and characters have managed to grab people by the throat. You have an eloquent way of making them pretty relatable and gripping their attention. 

Hope you're enjoying the day with your significant other :0

Owli; @askvekpa

I always wonder if you be like “THERE GOES THIS GIRL AGAIN ASKING FOR HER DANG LUGIAS TO BE DRAWN AGAIN.” I can't help myself. You're too damn good at your craft and your attention to detail on beasties, dragons and animals alike. It's praiseworthy so I hope you always treat yourself kindly when it comes to what you do. Also, you seem to be doing better in the anxiety department, or I hope so. It's been a pleasure to see you be more interactive as of late with others so I hope you have been able to adequately spread your wings in that environment and get better.

Vega; @pokitsune

MAN I SURELY DO MISS YOU RIGHT. I HAVE SO MANY BRAINWORMS ABOUT YAKO AND ROSHI FIGHTING AND TEA TIME WITH ROSHI. Then I remember you're literally a DM away and my ass is just straight-up forgetful. I remember you chatted away about your Ninetales lore and goddamn I was eating it up. It FUELED ME to be so motivated with my characters, you have no idea. And coupled with your old ask blogs, I am so glad we started to chat last year and I am always grateful you send me images of stuff I can relate with on my characters. 

I hope you're having fun with FFXIV and I hope you and gf are doing something good today or both of you are taking some good ass time to relax.

Skins; @asksavel

I mean there are a lot of words I want to say. Overall it is always overwhelmingly positive. We were both there for each other in a horrible mental down. While mines is a bit still ongoing, you still have been sending me kind words and images to make the day all the more bearable. You noticed I have been withdrawn lately and you consider that when talking with me. 

Communication. It's something I always prized and I really appreciate it when we have chatting. Thank you so much for being the person you are and helping me. It has meant a lot to me.

Kai; @bunnkick

I'm pretty sure you weren't expecting me to do this! But HA I GOT YOU NOW TODAY. 

EVER SINCE YOU TOLD ME YOU CONSIDERED ME A FRIEND I HAVE BEEN LIKE A NERVOUS LITTLE PERSON TO CHAT MORE WITH YOU. I have been doing good to shoot messages your way to check in on you though and I'm proud of that much. Ah, I love your work man. I have been saying this for years as I have been working with you and imma saying it again, your style rocks man. And the chats we have, I love staying up for 3 hours to chat with ya. It's always a great time. 

Now I gotta hit you up for shows. I have been watching some and I always loved your insight ~