#god. i will actually kill myself if i have to do this again | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

tubbytarchia · 3 days ago

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hi. im relatively new to the life series fandom and wanted to say that you're the first person ive seen actually criticize life series scott, which is actually really nice. i keep getting weird, slightly-icky vibes from him in a lot of interactions, but nothing concrete enough to give me a real actual valid reason to dislike him. i kinda thought i was just being a hater... so it's nice to know im not the only person who doesnt like. worship the ground he walks on.

I actually really like Scott's character, and although I'm not particularly fond of him outside of that within the Life series, like you, I don't think it's anything to warrant genuine dislike, rather it's just things about his editing and playstyle that peeve me personally. And at some point the deeply interesting way in which he skews people's perspectives stops being so interesting and more frustrating the more he keeps harping on Pearl being an "unreliable narrator" and referencing flower husbands for the 12th time this week and claiming himself to have the power to sway a "canon event" (he said he interrupted a canon event by discouraging Scar and Jimmy from teaming up in Secret Life, and when they did in Wild Life, he framed it as if HE let that happen instead of interrupting it again. That is a bit delusional lol) and telling Joel "you deserve it" as he kills him for the 5th time when Joel hasn't really done anything to him. however

Neg CC Scott talk

I do however not like CC Scott because of him threatening to drop a slur once on several people's streams and defending his ability to do so and to say "I hate gay people" whilst one of the other people there tried to rightfully reason with him that that would be very um unwise, lol. And the way he talks about women. Every woman is either mommy or queen to him, there is no other option. He's done the "mommy? Sorry, mommy? Sorry" joke like at least 5 times like by god someone help this guy find other ways to appreciate people. And I can never get over him making that "appreciating my female friends" thread in which his praise for Lizzie is for being an "unproblematic queen". Ok man whatever. The fandom also doesn't help me like him any more because of their very prominent gay bias. Scott gets away with so much like the aforementioned slur threat because he's gay. That was genuinely so hard to watch but what did the chat members on his and Jimmy's stream say? "iconic" and "slayyy". It irks me so much

Sucks to try and engage with a fandom that calls you homophobic for holding Scott the tiniest bit accountable or interpreting his character as having done anything wrong in a death game scenario where everyone has wronged someone anyway. And I know from experience that there is a significant portion of people who hold these similar sentiments, they just don't want to speak up in fear of being crucified in the name of toxic positivity, so it's no surprise that you haven't seen anyone doing so lol. People who do, like myself, also refrain from maintagging this stuff even if a lot of other people refuse to even when their posts are just bashing other people within the fandom for having opinions that they personally disagree with, because there is no discussion or nuance to be had about someone who's canonically gay I guess

There is also the incident he had with an nsfw artist who debatably ended up getting doxxed and presumably attempted the deed at least partially because of Scott's engagement with them because it allowed the larger fandom to also see their nsfw work, but that is a long complicated story that you'd really have to come to your own conclusions to as to whether or not Scott is to blame or to what degree

#blabber #i never got a neg tag for the blue guy because I've kind of always been vocal about these thoughts to my following #but maybe I should get one..

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y-eontan · 6 months ago

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i may or may not have to mention but i hate people and i hate talking to people

#i just had to sit a lady down in an office and offer her coffee haha #but the worst part is that idk if the guy is actually going to be here in “10 minutes”#he is not famous for being on time #and the fact that he ws on the phone with me as the lady fucking walked in... does not bode well #we also have zero meeting snacks.#or water. and she didnt want coffee #god. i will actually kill myself if i have to do this again #now i get to spiral endlessly on whether or not i behaved normally #HE'S HERE HE WASNT EVEN LATE!!!!!!!!#YIPPIE #omg he was like i told the girls they should offer you some coffee (PERSUMABLY BECAUSE SHE DIDNT HAVE COFFEE)#andshe was like oh yes they asked but i asked for water and i have that now 😊#me when i do task good : yippie!#now please let me continue staring at an excel sheet now and not look at a single person ever again

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hanzajesthanza · 1 month ago

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it is absolutely so weird to me to try to imagine a version of geralt that is like, my age. like, no. get back to being an old man

#what the heck. my parents were never my age they were just spawned into the world in their 30s #i'm just kidding btw. geralt's not old. vesemir is old. but geralt is my old man #fun fact. for just about forever i thought that 'my old man' meant your father #like 'my old lady' can mean your mother #but 'my old man' actually means your husband or your lover #so when joni mitchell sang big yellow taxi. i totally misinterpreted that for my entire life #i cried to that song because of that #and funnily enough i learned the correct meaning also from her in her blue album #so yeah. i'm going to continually stubbornly use it the way i thought it #but only in contexts where it is obvious i'm talking about it in a father context #quite obviously #anyways. prequel.#young geralt is going to have less but way more worse and recent trauma #after we get this we will have to get regis: the young years where it is like 'dear diary tonight i drank so hard i threw up!'#'can't wait to do it all again tomorrow night and attempt to kill myself five times in a row!'#as i wrote that i also did think of regis re-enacting my favorite drew gooden vine #'dear diary... today i couldn't find my diary so i'm writing this on my two kung fu panda 2 dvds :)'#oh my god. wait. that is literally a philosophy regis shares #'e can easily replace what we don’t have with what we do!'#'it's simply a matter of invention and positive thinking :-)'#the elbow-high diaries #try not to make everything about emiel regis challenge (hard) (failed)

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b4kuch1n · 9 months ago

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tdov was like a week ago already but I just wanna say when I came over to vacation slash help my sworn brother move flat he told me, "ever since you said you wanted to get top surgery I've been thinking about it. it's straight up number two on my bucket list"

#bakuspeech #number one is a house bc obviously. if u can own a house wouldnt u #he was very drunk at that time of the evening. I was not bc I have the constitution of a hot air balloon and any stimulant will blow me up #(relatively new development. france fucked me up big time turns out)#we held hand on his bed for like the whole evening. it was honestly very funny in hindsight but we were extremely earnest in the moment #and Im like. working on this thing as well. I dont got meds or therapy lmao Im bootstrappin here #but yeah early last year his bf offered to get me meds and I... turned it down... I think I was worried abt like. idk. something #but one year past looking back Im fully like that was a stupid move you shouldve gotten meds. youve once again fucked urself baku #but yeah with that kinda realization Ive also come to realized I've somewhat? accepted. that I'm just gonna be. like this #this in light of a number of likely chronic stuff too (hence my balloon-like constitution lmao) and #that's kinda bled into the rest of me without me really noticing #but him bringing that up fully unprompted... kinda jolted me out of it #its just. really incredibly sweet. that someone doesn't want me to settle for what I make do with #and like. preps for that work. just kinda held my hand and told me it's possible to do this actually #I didn't really express how I felt very well in that moment I think my brain is very bad and I process emotions with like a day of delay #but. well. Im thinking abt it Right Now. so yknow thats the kind of impact that had on me lol #not super sure why I wrote all this down here really. I think I just want a good n nice reminder that object permanence is real #and I exist in my friends' life even when Im going insane in a hole by myself #and with the power of friendship we can alter the universe's plan for ourselves and also kill god #that's that. anyways I eat lunch now and then pass out probably. last night was... eventful lmao #but!! very good things on the horizon hopefully. well manifestly we hold hammers and we use them #have a good day lads. let's go out and slay monsters under a highway

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lovelyisadora · 29 days ago

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oh I am going to actually kill my mother

#no im not but. god damn #she threatened to kick me out again after I said something she couldn’t argue with and justify as my fault #after restarting our fight from yesterday while we are literally in the car just the two of us and on our way to the airport #to pick up my brother #she then threatened to throw me out of the car and have me walk home despite the fact that it’s #it is dark and cold and there was no cell service at the time I was like do you actually want me to die what is this #I know why this keeps happening but she doesn’t agree with me on why but I’m like #Facebook is rotting her brain and so is this situation with my nephew’s mother #she thinks everyone is trying to control her. everyone is suddenly a narcissist. me stating a boundary is not me trying to control her??#I literally only told her I wasn’t going to be her therapist so like what the fuck lmao #her final well you do xyz justification was well you can’t even kill your own spiders and I was like #do you hear yourself right now. Do you not hear how ridiculous this is #anyway she did not like that lmao #but genuinely I can’t decide if she wants me to kill myself or not bc she knows I have nowhere else to go so why else #would she be doing this. she wants me out of the house that fast?? like. idk man #tw suicide mention #just needed to vent again bc holy hell #anyway we just pulled into the airport and neither of us have our wallets and somehow that’s my fault too so #girl the fight did not stop until 10 min into the drive that was on you

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inkats · 3 months ago

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having a crush is like poison status effect whenever u have to think.

#my ocs #hello yes see i draw #I hate this so much ???????#what the fuck ??????#do u know how much effort I have to put in to not think about it. Like. Should I just kill myself at this point tbh.#and there’s people around me who are purposely trying to get a crush for like. Fun. Why.#this is psychological warfare.#though I guess their goals w crush is have one and never speak to him huh 💭 they just want a guy to think about when bored.#This happened to me by accident 💭 and I am. speaking to him often. I didn’t today though. hashtag winning 💪 (?)#I will get over it. I will speak to no one over midterms week and I will get so over him.#and then I will be so normal platonic about it.#this was supposed to happen in highschool I think I was supposed to get comfortable w this way earlier in life.#I don’t know I don’t care I just need to survive this at this point Jesus Christ.#and hey guess what I was just about to start gushing in this tag it snuck up on me wtf.#I do not want him. (<- affirmations)#I can never let anyone have my Tumblr or my art socials ever god imagine. Anyone seeing this.#it would suck so bad. Guys. I would have to kms.#why did I meet the most attractive and nicest and coolest guy immediately. why is this my first friend in 5 years.#sorry that is gushing huh. god this sucks so bad. I hate. having emotions.#well it’s not gushing it’s like objective fact people will not stop saying he’s won the genetic lottery to his face.#And I get crazy 2nd hand embarrassment every time but also not wrong.#they’re not wrong. ugh. killing myself.#guys why does every tag ramble end this way. guys. why. why am I becoming a real boy I want to be a puppet again actually.#ok. normal time 4 minutes left in movie clean bathroom then sneepy time and I will do so good not thinking about him and will sleep immedia

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dragons-and-yellow-roses · 2 months ago

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Had an ADHD assessment a few years ago and the fuckwit that assessed me said, as a direct quote, "You're too smart to have ADHD." Like that's not any type of paraphrasing, that stupid fucking statement is burned in my brain forever and has been since I heard it.

I talked to my psychiatrist about getting a referral to a different psychologist for assessment, and she agreed and sent it in.

Today I got a call that said they don't agree that I need reassessment, and I'm welcome to pursue it elsewhere, but they won't provide reassessment. Which is just.

I don't even know where to start with that one. I just needed to get it out. I'm so tired.

#'we really dont think youre adhd so were not even going to let you pay to check again'#WHAT #thats an option?#they can just say that they really dont think its a problem for me so they wont waste their time?#the first fuckwit that assessed me said im too fucking smart to have adhd!!#thats not a fucking compliment and every professional ive spoken to since then has said 'yesh thats not right tey for reassessment'#i just had to write this down because #this morning i was showering before work and they called me and left a message #so i checked the message right before work cuz i saw it was them and i assumed they wanted to set up the reassessment #because i got a referral. but theur message literally just said that bullshit #and because it was right before work i had to pack that away #because trying to deal with that in addition to a shift at fucking mcdonalds wouldve killed me #but because i set it aside i just keep forgetting about it. so i needed to write this down to remind myself #that this is my life and this is the bullshit i get to deal with in this life #im so tired. i dont even know what to say here. what to think or anything #'youre too smart to have adhd. we're so sure of that that we're not gonna check again. waste someone else's time. bye!'#i wish the world worked the way healthcare 'professionals' think it works #what a beautiful world it would be. you could lose weight just by trying and when you lose weight all of your health problems disappear!#you cant have any mental health problems if you are smart or seem kinda normal or are a woman #i am resisting the urge to. i don't even know. i want to do something angry and destructive but i don't even care #at least now i dont have to drive two hours and pay $160 just to be told that i am too smart to have problems #and actually all of my problems are due to my anxiety and the fact that im female #god i wish that was the case. ill go on t if it makes my problems valid. would you like that?#what do i have to do to convince people i have problems? i will fully physically transition to be taken more seriously #would that help?? would that fucking help???????????????#anyway. i was about to say i wish i wasnt mentally ill. but i dont #being mentally ill is chill. its like a roommate that lives up there and weve lived together awhile so its chill #the only problem are the idiots they pay to deal with mental illness. at this point i dont think they have qualifications #theyre just bringing in men off the street. and theyre the real problem. goodnight folks #dont have the audacity to be mentally ill in this economy. its not worth it

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blupengu · 7 months ago

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Y’all is Hollow Knight hard or do I just suck because oh my god??

#not gonna inflict my ramblings onto someone else’s post so just making a text post for myself #but oh my god #what the fuck?#maybe I’m not a hardcore metroidvania fan but I like them well enough #do I suck that badly at games now?? am I old to the point that my hands can’t do this shit????#did I just somehow fuck myself at some point???#because wow this feels kind of sadistic????#and not even in the fun kind of way?????#like I think I’d rather submit myself to fear and hunger again rather than continue where I am now in hk #idk maybe I’m missing something #but I just got wall jump and was so happy until I fell down to where you can challenge those mantis dudes #got myself out of there but then as I was exploring northwest I keep dying and reviving from the fucking bouncy balls over water #and the normal mantis mobs are also kicking my ass?#and dont even get me started on the weird tentacley nuclear bomb mushroom things those are just bullshit #AND THEN AS I WAS HAVING A GOOD TIME EXPLORING HEADING TOWARDS A SAVE BENCH I GET DROPPED INTO DEEPNEST??????#WHAT KIND OF JUMPSCARE BULLSHIT??????????#AND THE FUCKING COCKROACHES THAT NEVER SEEM TO STOP SPAWNING KILL ME #and then I see how fucking far back I’ve been dropped in the corner of fungal wastes #and I try jumping through the fucking bouncy balls again #and I die and lose my money #I can’t fucking do this shit anymore y’all holy fucking shit #the number of times I’ve died and restarted from that fucking fungal wastes bench I am so sick of it 💀#legit I think this is the first time I’ve rage quit a game #it’s been a while since a game’s actually made me this angry I want to fucking throw something 😂#the willpower and self control I needed to not chuck my pro controller across the room…#if I didn’t have neighbors and a unit below me I’d be throwing shit for sure though #but instead I must smack pillows against my mattress in a rage 😂#I think I hate the ‘go back to where you died to get back your money’ punishment system… like legit I actually really really hate it.#I do think the game is fun and I know I’ll probably quickly gain the money… but it feels like the game’s telling me I fucking suck lmao #suffice to say I will not be playing any more hollow knight for the foreseeable future 💀

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talkorsomething · 6 months ago

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want to cut my hair again like you wouldn't believe. What are the possible consequences of going bald

#100% секретный дневник левы НЕ ЧИТАЙ #actually i dont mean bald i just mean all one guard length #but hhhhh maybe i'm in an awkard stage maybe not i just CANNOT live like this #middle part is frustrating because it's not perfect in the way it sits side part is frustrating because i look like a girl #i feel like i could go all in with the 4 and then sorta texture a bit with the 2 guard HOWEVER having used the 4 previously. i know #how short that is. it might not look good so i worry #the bright side is it would grow out a bit by the time of the parade but augh i hate this #i'm currently a tightly wound ball of rage sorry. i didn't eat much of anything 2day #tried to call the hospital to get help with the letter/consulation thing preceding top surgery and they were NOT OPEN so idk if they will #be open tomorrow or not. the passage of time has gotten very vague all of a sudden #iiiiiii do not think i am doing well. lol. idk why though! god forbid any of it have a reason #i almost wish i'd relapse just so i could like. eat food again #idk i don't think it would solve it but i feel in my heart it might make things easier #buuuut because relapse is Bad For Me i guess i have to avoid it. well i want to anyways.#one bad day would not a reset make but my previous day happened this year already so...#i dunno it's been so long that i feel like it's not valid or whatever cause it was at an age where i can say it was a 'phase'#.............. i dunno what to do with that information. anyways.#i mean so what if i went all in on it again anyways? i kinda miss it lol. it's not like i could do any serious harm??#(potential infections aside.)#i just want to be creative and i CANT because my stupid brain will NOT think of anything #and the majority of what i have concretely written of this was written... get this .... right when i was trying to stay clean at first #correlation does not equal causation ........ sighs #i feel like i'm fighting a losing battle because i WANT IT to be that bad again #i've never really regretted it & it's never really been because of anything #i just started because i was curious about why someone would do that. that's all #i dont think i've EVER had any of the mental distress i see people in when theyre in these spaces #in one journal entry i made this big deal about wanting to kill myself but *i didn't want to*. i never did.#like sorry old me but it is REALLY hard to believe i've ever been depressed depressed #i just want things to be better and they never are :/ this should be everything i wanted and its just ... not #i'm not really sure how to ....... oh tag limit ok hold on

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itcouldwearyourskin · 4 months ago

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#if i'm so fucking horrible why didn't you just fucking kick me out i know i'm fucking autistic and don't know how to say things right but #you're the one who made ME feel that way #why are you flirting with me and acting like you want to be friends still when it's obviously just to keep up appearances with your family #and you have such deep resentment for every word I ever said to you and will never forgive me for fucking anything #you just fucking moved on and started doing literally every single thing with your friends that are the same shit you rejected me for #you're the one who treated me like i was a burden and wanted nothing to do with me for 3 fucking years #while i tried every single fucking thing i could think of to get you to want to talk to me again #your family uses me as a fucking donkey to the point where i don't even have a life at all outside of this fucking room with no appreciation #i cry myself to sleep almost every single fucking night about SOMETHING and a lot of the time its fucking you #and i'm so fucking angry that i still miss the way we used to be i still fucking love you #god i want to fucking kill myself in this bed so fucking bad but i actually have shit to live for now

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tardis--dreams · 4 months ago

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Feeling homicidal at work today ♡

#there's been major issues with wordpress for Weeks now and my beloved colleague told IT about it and added me #to the 'task' explicitly writing 'please talk to [my name] if you have any further questions or want to discuss things as i am on vacation'#today i come back to this task reading a lovely comment by that dude who's responsible for solving the problem going #'i think it's best if we make an appointment to discuss this when you're back :)' bitch ill kill you #my boy doesn't even Use wordpress it's not even his fucking problem. he just was nice enough to summarize my complaints #so i added a comment too because i honestly can't work like this and want this to be Fixed asap #and if he wants to talk to [beloved colleague] first it's gonna take another 2 fucking weeks until anyone even considers the problem again #and i have no patience for this left at this point. so of course that bitch calls me when i was marked as 'absent' on teams #(did he fucking do that on purpose?? so he wouldn't actually have to talk to me? also. just Text me you fucking bitch)#and when i come back to it HE was absent so i couldn't call him back and also i won't wait for him to come back online so i can talk to him #because my work hours are Over for this week and he could very well just send me a message or add another comment if he has anything to say #but alas he didn't #i honestly am usually quite patient and understanding when it comes to fixing issues but this has been going on forever #and i wouldn't even say anything if it hadn't been for that stupid ass comment on how he wants to talk to [colleague] first. bitch!#(i just mentioned what the main issue was in my own comment btw. i didn't say anything about hurrying or any of the million #passive aggressive things i WANTED to say. very proud of myself for that ♡#had i been with that dude in person i would have killed him on sight)#god things are gonna be so insufferable when my beloved colleague is gone forever ㅠㅠ #he's the only good thing about this fucking company and I'm sure everything's gonna go down in flames #once he's gone #void screams #work stuff

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stereax · 5 months ago

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saw you post 'listen before you go', thought you'd enjoy this:

oh...

#sterechats :)#going through It. and by It let's just say. the worst loss of my life lol #but I don't think anyone wants to hear how I ruined it again #and how badly I miss them #and if they'd give me one more chance I'd be the happiest person in the world #they put up with so much shit I should never have put them through #I can't blame them for leaving I just wish I could show them how much they mean to me #that behind all of my masks and my anger I cared about them more than anything #and I'm just so damn scared of being vulnerable because I've learned vulnerability is weakness #and even though that's wrong and I know it is it's less vulnerable to close myself off and respond with rage #than it is to actually confront my own emotions and realize that I'm not a robot #that I have feelings and they're usually really big and overwhelming for me #and I have to step back and process these things on my own because it's unfair to others #because I can't keep treating my friends like they're responsible for my emotions and at fault for them #because I need to actually communicate my needs instead of assuming people know them #because these same patterns are why I keep losing friends over and over again #and if I don't fix them I'm never going to be able to maintain a friendship #god. if they're ever going to read this I hope they know how much they mean to me #and how deeply and truly sorry I am for everything I've done #and how I never want to hurt them ever again #and I'm crying again. it feels like all I'm ever doing recently is crying #you know that saying 'you don't realize what you have until it's gone'? yeah.#for all the shit I talked I'd do anything to hear them tell me about their f1 drivers again #I miss them so much it's killing me it feels like #I just. I don't think they're coming back #no matter how much I tell myself they just need a few weeks or months #I think I really fucked it up this time and I don't want to admit it to myself #because I don't think I can mentally accept that they're gone forever most likely #I just want to hope that they'll give me that one last chance and I can prove myself #I just want to talk to them again and it hurts so much

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exopelagic · 8 months ago

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okay I’m going insane I need to fix my sleep schedule now

#I cannot keep getting up at/after midday this is driving me crazy #SO. I’m gonna not do ice hockey for a little bit until I can get myself normal #I want to step away from ice hockey anyway bc the new committee are being annoying and I need them to stop making me do things #tonight I will go to bed at midnight. and I will stop everything to get ready for bed by 10 bc I need that time #and tomorrow I’m setting my alarm for 7:30 #I’m going to have mornings again if it kills me bc this is making me feel like shit now #will also mean hopefully I’m less stressed about work and can schedule stuff with my friends bc oh my god everything has been a nightmare #this week. and it’s only Tuesday what the fuck #also going to make a sleep tracker again bc that worked in February #and I’m setting library times for weekdays as 9:30-12 and 2-5 because getting there is the problem and I normally stay longer once I’m ther #and that worked for exams AND there’s just less work to do now so if I can keep on top of it everything should be fine #just have to actually do it #like right now I rlly need to go get writing bc I need to figure out some title options and that needs to be done by tomorrow afternoon #otherwise there won’t be time to get feedback from my supervisor before the deadline #so while today might be a bit of a lost cause bc I need to shower go to the shop and cook which takes most of the free working time #I can do something and if I can make tomorrow morning work I’ll have enough time #I’m okay with having periodic getting my shit together days as long as I do use them to get my shit together #now pls. get your shit together <3 #luke.txt

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chiistarri · 10 months ago

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imsoo normal about guys byw

#sprry this is the start of my downfall im actually going to theow up and vomit and die #fronting daily actually sucks!and i have no restraint on my curiiusity and i have to figure shit out and i literally want to die #cause like i found out shit i didnt want to and its entirely my fault too bro i cant even be upset cause i went looking for it ughhh #i should be allowed to die afterschool so i dont have to feel anything else tbh thatd be a pleasure great thing whwatever #this is genuinelky the repeat of my downfall again literally september all over again and its just march jesus fucking fhrist bro need todi #the nervous system is so dumb what is ooottfvgvsh or whagevr i hate that dumbass acronym i hate healrhcare #serenity save me 🙏 save me serenity 🙏 come home #everyone keeps sayng that but qith donald trump #anyway back to me i need to scream and not just to serenity cause i feel bad🤭 no emojis are tood enougu anymore bro im going to kms #killing myself so fucking hard like a vampire driving a stake through his heart sort of shit ykwim like a siren drowning ro sokething poeti #save me sid 🙏 sid save me actually hed laugh at me for hthis lowkey which is soo deserved cause real bro why am i breaking down at midnight #on a dchool day too bro again and again i dont want to go to mf schooll and be obsessed w k. hes fine but i genuinely cant do my work #lowkey would iet be weird to talk to my ex ab my relationship with him cause like yea i miss him ykwim and i need closure but i got a crush #cause like on one hand its like i was the one who brokenup ykwim like even if the circumstances werewei4d whatever its like why would i hav #the right to even bring it up and i alr crushed on a new guy and like ignoring the uguult i do like him ughh broni want to kms #i love love i just dont love lvoe for myself cause ugh bro i hare one guy idc ab his crushes but he made me hear ab them lke idc idek him #sorry u had a bad experience w bi girls like idk what u want me to say ??? surprise me too ??? tff ugh i hate love girls #i need a gf but the thoigjt of liking a girl genuinely deeply scares me to my core cause i like girls but ppl dont like that i do ykwim #all mu friends are fucking gay bro idek why im so worried ab liking girls like who is there to disappoint but myself and my entire family #noo pressure qt all being oldest and queerest like ok yeah its midnight happy new years. i need this blanket tobsuffocste me #sleep wrappedup alr like a borito burito i dek and its not enoughh i need a soul crushing embrafe to sleep #ok im done i got post vent clarity i need to sleep #post #erics tag #delete later #serenity needs this as a ref in the morning #i beed my mom to cry to but j cant tell her any of this id rather be eaten alive by bugsbro and if i just cry to her without a reason #shell fs go througj my phone and fimd out why anyway so wjats the pointtt my god i tqlk too much and vent too much #gota flair forbthe dramatics ivguess mb

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vanyafresita · 1 year ago

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why can't a boy take a break from the horrors ? oh, must i always suffer this way ? is there no end to this madness ?

#<- had to deep clean its bedroom and decided to take a 20 minutes power nap that became a 3 hours existential crisis depression time #everything is laying around on the floor and for the life of me i cannot get up from bed to clean it up #i found a bunch of boxes filled with stuff from when i was suicidal in highschool and it hurts too much to look at it #but i cannot bring myself to throw them away bcs these are the only things i have that certify that i was Alive at that time #ive no photos of me no nothing apart from these notebooks filled with gore drawings and fanfiction about characters killing themselves lol #how do i make peace with who i used to be when that person brings me such sadness....#im so sorry ivan i should have treated myself better im doing my best nowadays !!!#u get to turn 18 ! and 20 ! and 25 ! and soon we're turning 26 and youre so much happier and content in life #its not all good u still are depressed and cant talk to people but ure much better than u used to be #i think of teenager me and how he thought i wouldnt make it this far... and when i think about my future and how i wont be able to make it.#i think... actually i was wrong once and i figured things out #i think i can do it again....#and i will !!!! by all gods that i dont believe in i will !!#vanya strawberry flavored

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theophagie-remade · 2 years ago

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I don't have much to say about Magne other than there was an Attempt, but. That time when Twice and Toga got angry with Overhaul for misgendering her was already indicative of what I'm going to get at in a sec, and obviously it was especially relevant because it was a direct show of respect and support from people who very clearly cared about her (and who called her big sis already as it was!!) (×2 imo because Twice was intentionally written to be the readers' insight into the LOV, and the character with whom they were supposed sympathise with the most at/since the beginning, so it's especially important that the first one who spoke up was him), but the story's progression (especially in recent years) is what most assures me that despite a rather poor execution (definitely not the best, but also certainly not the worst) Horikoshi did mean well with her. "People bound together by the chains of society always laugh at those who aren't" :(

#^ when she quotes her friend. like had the manga not gone on like it has that could have very well been a generic #We Live in a Society moment. but it wasn't. and that's what's comforting tbh #in general i think a big issue with magne from what little we know of her is that her reason for joining the lov was fighting back against #a tangibile real world issue (transphobia) vs all the other villains. whose situations Are partially real world issues as well #(eg child abuse) but they also very much present fantasy elements to them (eg toga's treatment due to her quirk)#and i'm not saying this as a justification for killing her off but. when you're writing a superhero comic with a target audience of young #cishet men it is much easier to present them with fantasy solutions to fantasy problems. again not that i think it's right!!!#but i do assume that horikoshi's thought process was more or less this. like. tiger is there alive and well #but he passes and was confirmed to be trans only via word of god so his identity has no bearing on the story itself #while magne's did. which doesn't make tiger's transness any less ''real'' than hers ofc but again i think it was a matter of what horikoshi #could actually deal with (fantasy problems) with the average readers that he has. it sucks all the way around.#which begs the question. ''why create her character in the first place then'' to which i answer: i don't fucking know man #bnha #animanga #mytext #in general. i've seen lots of people do this even with eg toga and her bisexuality (and when it comes to her i completely disagree but w/e)#but. authors who want to depic queer characters in good will but make mistakes or do it awkwardly or anything else #should Not be put on the same level as actively queerphobic authors. at all. do criticise what's worthy of constructive #criticism when you see it but don't even pretend that those two are remotely the same thing #(jic i didn't explain myself well bc i don't think that i did. what i wholly disagree with is that ''toga is a bad bi stereotype''.#i am bi people and i disagree!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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