#god… I’m such a wild mix of emotions rn but -!!

[glasseswearingrabbitdetective]

I also got a bunch of new clothes… ehehe…. My wallet </3 oh well

Mangas;

-school live/gakkou gurashi ; the after story/letters… SOBBING REAL TEARS)

-new game; it is time <3 ,

nichijou!! In my Australia!? They had so many volumes too!!) ,

ani-imo; borderline nsfw but body swap interesting so heck yeah lemme try it),

-Kubo won’t let me be invisible(LISTEN-!!),

-Love in Sight (idk it tbh but it looked sweet and it was cheap so had to try~)

[teeth-and-tea]

ANIME & MANGA I HAVE BINGED IN THE LAST MONTH: May 2021

I've Been Hunting Slimes for the Past 300 Years and Now Ive Maxed Out My Level: incredibly long name aside, cute af slice of life that suffers Same Face Syndrome. I'm still happy to watch it because of how feel good and fluffy it is though, Im probably gonna forget about it in two or three years tho. 8/10.

Don't Toy With Me, Miss Nagatoro: I found out this was a webcomic first and suddenly all the HORNINESS made so much more sense. A Femdom, Degradation, Humiliation, Dacryphilia Bullies to Lovers story disguised as a high school rom-com which, I'm not going to lie, misses SKEEVY CITY by mere inches on a regular basis. However, I'm a Dom/Switch and this entire relationship sets off my dom brain center like New York City just shy of midnight. So if you're into that sort of scene, this anime is for you. If not, it's still fascinating but you're probably gonna be a little put off by how mean the Girl!Bully is to the guy MC. Unless you find out something about yourself, in which case, congrats! Stay safe, sane, consensual, and learn about the traffic light system on top of safe words, I promise you'll have a better life in general after that. Still Ongoing, currently 10/10.

Fruits Basket: IM GONNA CRY I LOVE THIS ANIME SO MUCH???? The original anime came out when I was in... I think middle school and my parents were really strict on what I watched so I never got to experience the first wave and I never bothered to watch the show ever after I moved out of the house years later. However, now that I'm much older I honestly can say this is one of my favorite anime to date, and all the characters are charming, lovable, with their own problems that I can connect to or sympathize with, and I love the MC which is always a treat tbh. Except Akito. Akito can suck a sandpaper dick. I'm only on S2 tho so no spoilers! Anime 11/10.

Monster Girl Doctor: went in thinking it was gonna be a monster girl who's a doctor with a homoerotic assistant (her name is SAPPHY okay sue me for thinking it) and ended up watching the entire dubbed harem series. Honestly, I've seen worse and this one has consistent follow-through on interesting characters and backstory enough for me to shove aside the blatant under-monstrousness of the female monsters and the harem-ness of everything else. Dubbing is honestly really good, which is a treat, and the monster designs are not the worst and the MC is tolerable. Honestly, I don't mind having watched it! The mix of cgi and the traditional animation together work pretty strangely though, and it often doesn't flow super well. 7.5/10

So I'm a Spider, So What: Dubbed version which honestly isn't that bad. Took me a bit to get into it, but after realizing that it's got a mismatched timeline a la The Witcher, it made so much more sense. Heavily done in cgi, and you can definitely tell between the 2D and 3D animations, but not the worst in the world. I went in not expecting much but it ended up being an Issekai I can stand and even enjoy. On god has a decent story... with the spider. I'd be a liar if I didnt say I skipped some of the human parts just to get back to the best part of the show. 8/10.

Somali and the Forest Spirit: I'm so fucking nostalgic for this thing it makes me want to go and hug my dad. About a human girl under threat of being eaten with a monster-dominated world. Very obvious "humans fear what they don't understand" message but instead of the humans learning tolerance it's what happens when they get annihilated first so like, kudos for the mangaka for having the guts to do that. I cried like a baby regularly. It's really good, I watched the dub and ID WATCH IT AGAIN!!! 9/10.

To Your Eternity: Oh my god. O h my g o d. Fell in love on the first episode, ngl. About if an immortal being learned how to be a person from scratch. I love it. HOWEVER. Keep a box of tissues on you at all times because you're gonna need them. I'm only on EP7 because that's all that's out right now but just know. I love it. Not for everyone but certainly for my "what do we define as human and the human condition" ass. 12/10.

Those Snow White Notes: A sports anime without any sports. About shamisen playing which is cool because I never realized how cool this instrument was??? Its neat af. OP1&2 are by Burnout Syndrom so know theyre fire. Gonna be real, its pretty alright, but not extraordinary. You can tell they were using the characters as archetypes rather than actually characters which kinda kills a lot of the emotional value you could've had, but I'm still gonna watch it. It doesn't make me cringe as hard as other sports anime tho so I consider it toptier in that regards but if you're a big sports anime fan you might be bummed out by it. Every single musical performance is INCREDIBLE tho. A solid 8/10.

Toilet Bound Hanako-kun: THE ART OMFG IT'S SO GORGEOUS. Listen, if you took coptic markers and gave them an animation budget with some manga panel direction thrown in there, that's this anime. It's beautiful. Gorgeous. I'm in love with the aesthetic every second. Story? Really good. Characters? I love the MC and his evil little twin brother asshat. Demons? Not super imaginative but I'm carrying on happy as can be anyways. Dubbing? A bit shaky at times but I found the voices charming if a little off for some of them. I'm already waiting for the second season with popcorn at the ready. 10/10.

Prison School: I watched this directly after Hanako-kun and it was like I got slapped in the face by sweaty unwashed titties and some fedora wearing schmuck's piss kink. No character is likable or redeemable. I finished it, but at what cost? 2/10 and only because a character shit his pants and I laughed.

Sleepy Princess in the Demon Castle: watched this right after Prison School and it was NECESSARY tbh. Its so CUTE and honestly, im not even kidding you, the fucking funniest anime I've seen in months. I watched the dub and the VAs are having the time of their lives working on this anime not just giving it their all but literally just going ham. Its great. If I read this im sure id be bored outta my mind but the VAs giving it a joyous performance make it an insta fave for me tbh. 9/10.

Sk8 the Infinity: i watched the dub with my bro and I can confirm that its a spectacular show because we both loved it and we have vastly different tastes. Incredibly SUSPENSFUL AND STRESSFUL for an anime about skateboarding but we finished it in a single sitting tbh. The last episode is not dubbed for some reason but we still loved it. Like if Free! was less obnoxious but the only fan-service here is Joe ♡ a beefcake who owns my lesbian heart. I think there's exactly one named female character tho and I legit couldn't tell you what it was if there was a gun to my head. So, over all, 9.5/10.

That Time I Got Reincarnated as a Slime: I'm going to be entirely honest, I went in thinking it was going to be a boring isekai of no value. I was right about the Isekai part. It was honestly pretty interesting and focused on nation building like you're playing civilization rather than the usual "Get Stronger" narrative or "Get Some Pussy" narrative most isekais take which is delightfully refreshing. Granted there are flavors of that in this which means it doesn't alienate the big isekai watchers out there, but it's not the whole dish and it doesn't make me want to cringe the same way others do. You've got a slime MC just vibing and building a nation of monsters nbd. Does lose points for making the female monsters more humanoid than their male counterparts but makes them back by only doing perfunctory fan-service and nothing that makes me want to cry... except the butt sumo episode but in fairness it was all a terrible dream. Literally, the MC refuses to dream anymore after that. solid animation, decent voice acting, decent story, made me realize how HUGE this is in the Light Novel community???? There's like 18 fucking novels and that's WILD. 8.5/10.

MANGA:

Spirit Photographer Saburo Kono: a one shot special by the mangaka of The Promised Neverland! Honestly a really delicate touch of both super creepy and really touching, and I'm not gonna lie I'm bummed that this isn't a bigger project but the single chapter makes it a good taste for their style. I've been wondering if I wanna read/watch The Promised Neverland and now I think I will. 10/10

Deranged Detective Ron Kamonohashi: from the mangaka of Hitman Reborn comes this Sherlock and Watson derivative! Not even 20 chapters out yet with a sort of spotty schedule, I honestly love it even thought it's exactly as you expect. HOWEVER. Kamonohashi the "Sherlock" character uses mental pressure to kill all confirmed murderers and it's up to Toto the "Watson" character to save all those people before Kamonohashi kills them! It's just recently introduced a "Moriarty" family of crime lords (not a big spoiler don't worry it was obvious) so the tension surrounding Ron's past is amping up rn. Personally, I think the art is GORGEOUS, the characters engaging, and the story quick enough to keep my interest. Most mysteries are solved within a chapter or two so you're not stuck 20 chapters into one locked room mystery which is just peachy tbh. RN, 10/10. If this gets an anime, I anticipate a legion of fangirls who ship the two main characters along with their many friends. I've been alive too long to believe otherwise.

Don't Toy with Me, Miss Nagatoro: Yeah I read the manga after I watched the show. A slower build than the anime, but it works for the format, if theyd done the same with the show then I don't think it wouldve done as well. Honestly? Cuter tbh but just as horny. You dont start really LEARNING about your character until like, chap 65 tho and no real "drama" happens until like 75. A good chunk of the chapters are like 8pgs so its a breeze to get through. I love these slow burn idiots of the century. 9.5/10 because you can DEFINITELY tell the mangaka does hentai too.

Yugen's All-Ghouls Homeroom: one-shot by the mangaka for Food Wars, it's no wonder there's this constant perviness from the MC, a guy who can see and exorcise spirits. Takes place at an all girl's finishing school with KICK ASS monsters tbh, kinda bummed its not longer. The MC? Blatant monsterfucker who is also a CONFRIMED monsterfucker???? Idk i vibe with that single emotion. Everything else is hit or miss. 7/10 for monsters and cool concept, lost points for the MC very pointedly being okay with admitting he'd wait for the teenagers to be adults tho. Creepy af. Could live without that.

Hell's Paradise: I finished the entire 127chps in 3 days and I was really enthusiastic about it 90% of the time thinking about how deep it was and then I actually thought about it and I ended up being very neutral about the whole thing tbh. The art is fantastic tho, but DEFINITELY deserving of the M rating. Tits. Tits everywhere. But not tits to be ecchi over, no, monster hermit tits on beautiful women-ish figures. Now generally I give that a pass but a huge theme in the story is that men and women are "no better than one or the other" but like, lady tits are what you see 99% of the time. Men tits are few and far between. I call bullshit on most of the "deep" themes is what I'm saying, so it's like the mangaka was trying for those deep thoughts but missed the margin a little too far for my preference. That being said, the MC is a married man who loves his wife which automatically makes him my favorite character so like... idk so many good things, so many misses, but overall really spectacular themes and imagery. Unique but classic all at once. It's getting an anime and I have NO IDEA how much censorship they're gonna be doing but they're going to be doing SO MUCH. Oh yeah, and one guy is a plant/human hybrid who fucks a 1000 year old plant-hermit which makes him a canon monster fucker. And one canon non-binary character who I, a nonbinary, actually like. So like... gosh I've got mixed feelings. 8.5/10.

Choujin X: From Sui Ishida, mangaka to the mega hit Tokyo Ghoul comes this brand new manga!... Of one chapter, lol. Not really binge-y because it's just the one chapter out right now but I'm already keeping my eye on it. The grasp on anatomy in the art is PHENOMENAL and you can see Ishida flexing his art skill which is great. Can't give a true rating but I'm giving it a tentative 9/10 because I'm excited to see more.

Shag&Scoob: technically not a manga, its an ongoing webcomic I binged an subscribed to in one day and I just think it deserves more attention. Starts off funny with "what if Scooby Doo had a gun" and has been led to "what if all cartoons are aliens that survive and receive their powers by the humans that love them in an epic war with Martians." On god, its good. I finished the current series in a couple hours so it's a breezy read, highly recommend it. 9/10.

To Your Eternity: Yeah I watched the anime and then finished all current 143 chapters in like 3 days. GOD IM WEAK. I don't buy physical manga unless I know I want to remember the story forever and I'm already budgeting for the current books out. Yeah, this is a good series. That being said, definitely not for the faint of heart or those who suffer under common triggers like suicide, molestation, death, etc. It's all framed as bad and necessary to the story don't get me wrong, but it's there and has lasting affects on the characters. Incredible story telling by the creator of A Silent Voice. Keep tissues nearby at all times. 12/10.

[shinjaeha]

itsay ep 4 (thoughts + spoilers)

idk even know how to even start this bc i feel like i’m just a big ball of emotions, and this ep was wild. so much happened. last ep was so wonderful and almost languid with how everything played out (esp since it focussed much more specifically on the shift in teh/oh-aew’s relationship). this ep had a bit more of everything, not just the two of them in their bubble anymore. societal forces at play, and hence much more angst. again, this isn’t a  proper analysis, it’s just me ranting and raving as usual as i semi-rewatch this again. this is very long, and there are a lot more things i want to think about in more detail at some point bc i’m mostly just skating over a lot of what happened but i gotta get these thoughts in my head out of me somehow. and i’m not sure if what i’m typing will even make sense bc i MYSELF can barely make sense of what i’m feeling but here i go anyway.

so we start off with the both of them kind of awkward after the night before which is fair enough considering what happened. actually when oh-aew’s habit started playing up again, i thought teh wasn’t going to scratch his back bc he was trying not to ~go there again after the night before, but he did and i was pleasantly surprised like oh...maybe things aren’t that bad?? (YET). also, i can imagine that it would have been reassuring for oh-aew too. like things have changed, but it’s not like teh has completely abandoned him. the touch itself is comforting, like when they were kids.

teh’s mum talking about how she wants both of her sons to bring their girlfriends around (and hounding him about bringing tarn around again) is giving me war flashbacks to my own asian relatives and i can feel the way that must crawl under his skin. I HATE when family members do that (and they always do). but for teh it must be esp hard bc he’s already constantly feeling like he’s vying for his mum’s attention over his brother, and now hoon’s bought back a girlfriend so it’s yet ANOTHER thing he feels like he has to compete with his brother over. in the back of his mind, he knows that he can’t give his mum what she wants if he’s with oh-aew (he can’t ‘win’ over hoon bc heteronormativity). teh is def prone to jealousy fairly easily, but i always feel like his emotions on that base level are also very easy to understand. i’ve been in positions like that before where i’ve felt like i’ve constantly been compared to someone else, and it makes you feel like shit. but also oh-aew having to sit through teh’s mum telling him to let her know if teh and tarn are dating?? ouch.

cue teh trying to avoid what’s going on with them and oh-aew being sad :((( they’re both in so much pain and i feel it and thank god i am no longer a teenager that’s all i can say about this.

the guitar in skyline instrumental is just...making me feel some kind of way. they have so many versions of this song and they always use the right version at the right time how is that.

so the tarn scene!!!!!!!!!!!!!! first thought: holy shit she looks so cute i love her crop top where did she get it i want one. second thought: but why did they make her wear a dark bra under such a light top?? i love that i was thinking this and then it all unravelled in front of me and like...the brilliance. the contrast between the scene in ep 2 (i think?) where teh accidentally peeks at her bra through the buttons of her shirt and gets noticeably flustered, and then this one where she literally wears the same bra under a light shirt ON PURPOSE to get his attention, but he doesn’t even notice?? the way she expects him to colour the hibiscus purple, but he colours it red for oh-aew instead?? it’s so incredibly telling of where his heart is at, and how his feelings have changed. anyway, it doesn’t take a genius to figure out that he’s just not all there with her anymore, and tarn isn’t stupid...she’s been picking up on the signals since the beginning (why was he so weirdly obsessed with beating oh-aew at the start? why was he willing to wake up at 4am for oh-aew but not for her? willing to tutor the rest of his friends but not spend time with her?). the way she sees him colouring the hibiscus red and it’s her wake up call, like wtf am i DOING bc of this guy????? i love how she acknowledges that her feelings for teh have made it so she’s solely focussed on him and that she hates the things it makes her do (like wearing the bra to gain his attention). ngl i was slightly worried with how they were going to use her character during these later eps with teh being so conflicted (since girlfriends in BLs are usually handled pretty poorly), but i appreciate that she’s still as fleshed out and full of feeling as she ever was. she’s so sweet, and i just wish she had better than this, but i’m glad she called teh out on it. i know he’s confused af rn, and tbh i don’t think he’s handled this as badly (atm at least) as i thought it could have gone, but at the same time, if he doesn’t decide and set his heart on what he really wants, he’s just going to end up hurting them all. LOVE that she basically tells him to get his shit together first before coming back to her. i like her so much. and that scene of teh just walking around and around at the back feeling conflicted while she drew? really reminds me of the squiggly line timeline(?) of how ep 4 was going to go that nadao released before this ep went live. also cmbyn vibes were real in that one.

the devastation in oh-aew’s voice when he asks teh to at least reply his messages ;;; it’s like teh wants to go back to just being friends and oh-aew has kind of accepted that at this point, but at the same time, teh’s not backing that up. he says he wants to be friends, but he doesn’t know how to act ‘normal’ about it anymore, so he pushes oh-aew away instead. good on oh-aew for not taking that shit and standing up for himself too. i absolutely cannot stand seeing oh-aew sad bc pp’s sad face/voice is so good it actually pains me.

notice how teh ALWAYS uses studies/tutoring as an excuse to get closer to oh-aew again...hmmm...does oh-aew see it for what that is now too? that “you’ve never understood me” hit me like a fucking train. to think that they were so attuned to one another last ep, but now teh’s too caught up in he’s own world to realise just how much he’s hurting oh-aew. thanks, i hate it.

i know that he’s needs to figure himself out more and i absolutely stand by the fact that he needs to do that without messing around with either oh-aew or tarn (and also that he’s using studies again to get into oh-aew’s good books instead of talking through feelings and all that), but the chinese idiom book that he made for oh-aew was actually SO CUTE and romantic. all this stuff he does for oh-aew to show that he clearly cares so much, yet he can never accept it enough to get the words out...

I SWEAR THEY PLAY THE INSTRUMENTAL SKYLINE JUST TO CHOKE ME UP. the darting around each other after the neck kiss COUPLED with the skyline instrumental?? it’s like a sad beach scene 2.0. teh making the first (intimate) move this time. every time he’s trying so hard to convince himself he’s not in love with this boy, and every time he keeps coming back. i always feel such a weird mix of happy and sad when i see them together bc i love them but i know teh in particular, is just not ready yet. like the hug scene made my heart leap, BUT they did it in hiding (under the staircase). all their big intimate scenes are in hiding and that just :(((

teh saying that he loves the seawater on his back bc it holds him up, and oh-aew saying but you have to hold your breath in that posture and it gets uncomfortable so he likes letting it go and just sinking sometimes instead (obv paraphrasing but you get the drift)?? THE WRITING IN THIS. it says so much without telling the audience directly...so poetic. everything about this show is so poetic. the way they sink into the ocean and into that space of oh-aew’s where you can just let yourself go without holding back, and then and only THEN does teh finally kiss oh-aew. and it’s beautiful, after holding back for so long, but it’s also painful bc he’s let go but only within this tiny pocket of space and time. in hiding again. that bird’s eye view shot where you can’t see them at all sealed it for me. like you want to be happy, but you can’t really bc you know that they’ve still got so much more to go...like when teh’s hand grazes oh-aew’s chest and you see oh-aew realise again...like that’s partly what stopped teh the first time in ep 3. when his hands stopped at oh-aew’s chest like it hit in for him that he was a boy. anyway, love that they gave us a skam kiss but i’m also very sad. on another note, how the hell did they hold their breath for that long?????

love that they gave us a further 2 more seconds of teh/oh-aew being cute (CONSTANTLY thinking about teh’s fingers dancing across oh-aew’s face and smushing his face in his hands...oh-aew holding the back of teh’s head...just a brief moment of carefreeness) before they went for the jugular. watching teh fight against himself in this way is what hurts. oh-aew begging him to just let go and accept what they are (the way he keeps going “what did i do wrong?? you feel it too!!”) but he’s so tortured he can’t do it. it’s downright fucking heartbreaking. the “one day i’ll stop feeling this way”...could have just stabbed oh-aew and it would have hurt less. all i know is i’m hurting for the both of them. the repression is real, and it just sucks. this whole thing fucking sucks for both of them (and tarn and bas too at that). idk it just gets me that oh-aew is coming out of this having been rejected once again bc teh isn’t ready yet. and i know this but it doesn’t make me any less upset. not at any of them bc it’s hard i know it’s hard...just at the situation. sometimes it feels like teh’s taking a step forward but then he takes two more back instead. the look on teh’s face when oh-aew was like let’s stop being friends...total devastation. i’m done. don’t want to think about it anymore.

i’m glad that oh-aew’s parents are so supportive of him though. i wasn’t sure how close they were based on their previous interaction but they really love him and i’m glad he has that stability to help him through this.

THE SCENE WITH OH-AEW AND THE BRA FUCKING BLEW ME AWAY. this show is always keeping me guessing, and again yet another thing that i wasn’t expecting but it was so visceral. the red of the bra in comparison to tarn’s bra with the purple hibiscus flowers on it...everything connects. oh-aew looking into the mirror with that bra on and thinking about how things would have been different if only :((( and then his breakdown when he realises that it’s not and that’s the reality of the situation. the feeling that gave me sits so deep within my chest i can’t even begin to carve it out.

teh masturbating when he sees that picture of oh-aew and to that picture of yongjian on his wall (idk why it only now just occurred to me that yongjian is always in red too)?? the self-hatred in this scene. the internalised homophobia. my heart feels so heavy.

he KEEPS reaching and it’s going nowhere bc it won’t ever be enough, and that’s not fair on himself and it’s not fair on tarn. like i understand what he’s going through, and i get that he’s extremely confused and needs the clarification, but when he asks tarn to tell her she loves him and he can’t do the same back for her...i just feel so, so, so fucking bad for tarn.

oh-aew hoping that the worksheets left for him were from teh (which would be very on brand of him), but then seeing bas :( maybe in another world, in another life (like teh and tarn)...but he’s such a sweetheart. bas, best boy ;;;

legit as soon as the gang came to see teh off to bangkok and talk to him about how oh-aew was doing terribly (and wasn’t planning on going to the admission exams) i knew where this was going to go. there’s been so much foreshadowing leading up to this, and this was also one of (if not my main theory) with how things were going to eventually play out. but tbh for some reason i thought it was going to play out later in ep 5...but like damn. damn. the way i understand but at the same time i kept going OH TEH :( throughout this. the utter STRESS this bit put me through. THE MISCOMMUNICATION.

anyway, teh’s love language is clearly acts of service. but it can really be to his detriment when he does things impulsively (albeit with care and good intentions), but he doesn’t use his words so things get lost in translation. sometimes actions just aren’t enough and you really do need words to communicate.

the confirmation scene was so tense...even now i’m just sitting here thinking about it and there’s a hole in my stomach at the thought of what teh must be going through and what he ends up doing. like when that last person on the list shows up and you KNOW it’s going to happen but at the same time it’s like a punch to the chest bc there’s just no doubt that teh’s going to turn it down for oh-aew...OF COURSE he would. oh-aew’s split moment of happiness before realising what teh’s done...the absolute dread i still have in me at the realisation of this.

the tension really kept increasing from here on in...teh coming home and his mum just being so fucking proud of him and telling everyone in the restaurant about how happy she is for him (all while teh is absolutely depleted), then tarn coming in and everything bubbling over when she realises what teh’s done too. realises that teh’s in love with oh-aew (smile is so great in this btw like WOW). the “you hurt me and i’m alright with that, teh, but right now you’re hurting yourself” broke my heart. absolutely love tarn as a character and only ever want the best for her.

when he tells his mum :((((((((((( and his mum just goes on about how hard he’s worked and how much he’s already sacrificed only for him to throw that away. he wanted her to be proud of him SO BAD, wanted to not be compared to his brother for once, only for him to give away his place bc he loves oh-aew more than he wants his mother’s praise. more than he wants to compete and ‘win’ against his brother. when she points to hoon and goes “why can’t you be more like him?” and he just loses it. like rubbing salt in the wound. i’m so glad hoon finally hugged him the way i’ve been wanting to this whole time. the banner congratulating him that teh’s mum made with all his materials from before :((( hoon giving him money for uni :((( you ever watch some things and feel like you’ll never be happy again...

okay the way that everything spiralled during the ig story fight?????? what gets me is that teh sacrificed his place thinking that oh-aew wasn’t going to sit the exam at all (he could have just talked to him and convinced him instead but ughhh i understand i get it). oh-aew thinks he did it bc teh didn’t believe he could get in himself (which of course then spurs him to give it up so he can get in through the exam instead). and when teh sees that, it’s like a smack in the face, like he went through all that only for oh-aew to reject it (him). it’s just layers upon layers of miscommunication and the anxiety of it all absolutely guts me. and then the anger mixing into devastation when he opens his book and sees how it’s all cut up. the remnants a reminder of everything he’s done for oh-aew. this boy that he adores but can’t accept he has feelings for. it’s just this mix of anger and sorrow and what have i fucking done?????? and how could he????? the cast were all fantastic but billkin really had to go above and beyond in this one and i could absolutely feel his pain throughout this.

TO PIGGY BACK ON THIS, like i said before, teh has always used studying/tutoring as a tool to get closer to oh-aew, but seeing that book with all the words gone was in part also him realising he doesn’t have that anymore. he can’t use that tool to get close to oh-aew anymore. the only way forward would be to actually get close to oh-aew without the pretences. and the saddest part of this all is that oh-aew doesn’t even NEED all of that (the tutoring, the book of idioms, the relinquishing of his uni spot)...the only thing he wants is for teh to ADMIT his feelings out loud. to admit that he feels the same way about oh-aew that oh-aew feels about him.

it’s funny bc in the last ep, the conversation that had me feeling the most nervous was when they’re talking at the cape, and oh-aew’s telling teh that he’s a rival and inspiration to him. i always KNEW this was going to come back to haunt them. like a constant circle. friends to rivals to friends to more than friends(?) to rivals. it’s a fine line. narratively, it always had to happen, and now they’re back to competing against one another yet again, and it’s going to be so tough bc they’ll have so much more competition on top of that as well.

next ep is going to be very, very hard on teh, but somehow after this ep, i just feel a lot more hopeful about it? i’m pretty convinced at this point that it won’t end in tragedy (which was the thing that i wanted least of all). of course i want both teh and oh-aew to end up together, but i can understand if they don’t. if this ends with them rekindling their friendship again, that’ll be enough for me. their relationship has been so turbulent and passionate that it needs some stability, and hopefully when teh’s in a better state of mind, when he’s at a place when he’s finally accepted all parts of himself, they’ll get there. so if that means it ends on them running to the cape together (even if they’re not technically together) fulfilling their promise to one another in the sunset, then that’s fine with me. i don’t mind an open ending if it makes sense in the context of the story, and i think something like that would. it’s like after such an angsty episode, you need a slight reprieve from it. i have no doubt in my mind that ep 5 will contain darkness, but i do think that there will be light at the end of the tunnel. so for once i feel truly hopeful about it.

i can’t believe we only have one more ep left to go...

[bizarre-alien]

Saturday Morning

I made a short Erasermic fic on Saturday, and I just wanted to post this here because why not! It takes place when they were in their 20s, and Shota is gonna do something bold after a night of clubbing with Hizashi which, apparently, didn't turn out so well!

Saturday mornings were hard sometimes. Waking up hungover while my brain tries to recollect memories of last night only makes me numb with this dull melancholic ache in my chest. I stretched out my limbs across my bed to find that I was all alone. “Shocker.” I thought to myself sarcastically. I slowly turned my body over to get my phone that was on my nightstand. To my surprise, it was hooked up and charged. “No, I was too drunk to do something this responsible.” I mumbled as I unplugged it. There were some unread messages from Yamada, and it brought this warm feeling inside that my heart seemed to crave.

“Last night was WILD! Please text me when you wake up. I need to know you lived! 😭”

“I did lay you on your side with a bucket, pukey! 🤣”

“OMG ARE YOU ALIVE?? I MISS MY BEST FRIEND!”

“I should’ve just crashed on your couch instead of taking the cab back to my place… Could’ve saved myself from stress and money… LMAOOO”

“SHOOOOOOTAAAAAAAA”

I couldn’t help but to laugh at his sweet attentiveness. He never failed to put a smile on my face even if he wasn’t around. I took a selfie and sent it to him. “I lived, bitch. 😤”

I felt my stomach shock from anticipation as I saw the ellipsis pop up. “YOU LOOK GOOD FOR A DEAD BITCH!!” The ellipsis came up again. “Also, you looked cuter than me in the shirt I let you wear. If you wanna keep it, you deserve it! I have your shirt, and it’s nice and clean! I think I’ll wear it today!”

I couldn’t help but to blush at his remark. “It’s mine now. I’ll take good care of it.” I looked down to see which shirt it was, and I gasped. It was an exclusive shirt from one of his favorite bands that he got at a live show. The exact one that he said he wanted to be buried in. “WAIT ARE YOU SURE BC I JUST SAW WHICH ONE IT WAS”

“It’s okay!! I’d rather see you wear it instead. 💖”

“... That’s very sweet…”

“How do I look? I’m going for that Shota Aizawa look. Don’t mind my lack of pants, please. 🥰🤣” His selfie nearly made me drown in affection. He looks so good in my shirt… And his legs...

“*Chef’s kiss* You rn…” Were we flirting, right now?? No. He has someone, right? “Wait… Are you flirting with me to make your so jealous? What did he do wrong, now? 🥴” The ellipsis came up, but went away… Then again… Then nothing. I began to worry. “Zashi, I’m playing. You know that, right?” The other end was radio silent, and I felt anxiety surge through me. Was it a sore topic and I didn’t know? Did I just ruin our friendship? I mean, how would that screw everything up? After all we’ve been through for the past 7 years, that couldn’t have been the final straw… right? I was pulled from my overthinking by my phone vibrating. It was Zashi calling, and I picked it up immediately. “Was that a bad thing to say? Because I am so sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt-!”

“It’s okay, Sho!” He chuckled reassuringly to me, but I could hear the pain in his voice. “I forgot that you black out when you’re drunk… No, me and him are done. You broke his nose when I came to you crying about it. We had to leave the club because of all the drama, but no one knew who we were… Thank God, right?”

“Yeah…” I was silent for a moment as I tried to remember what happened.

“Sho! We’re leaving. Come on!” Hizashi roared as he made his way to me.

“Hold, hold, hold. What happened?” I stopped him in his tracks and grabbed his arms. “Zashi, are you okay? Where’s-?”

“Who cares? I hate him! Let’s go!”

“But you left me to blow him in the bathroom! What do you mean you hate him, now-?”

“I wish I didn’t, and I’m so sorry! He’s a monster in disguise, but I was too stupid to notice AGAIN!!” Zashi burst into tears as he held onto me tightly. We stumbled a bit, but I held him back with all I had. I feared that this was gonna happen.

“I knew there was a reason why I couldn’t stand him.”

“Baby, you got it all wrong! I love you, Hizashi! I wanna marry you!” I heard the voice of Zashi’s former lover, and the alcohol in me decided to take control of my body.

“You take another step, and you’ll regret it! Don’t think I won’t have you on the ground, you piece of garbage!”

“Sho, let’s just get out of here! I gotta go!” Hizashi pushed me towards the exit. “It’s not worth it!”

“Hizashi!” The moment he grabbed Hizashi’s arm, I went feral.

I dug my nails into his wrist to get him to let go of my best friend. “Piss off!” I roared as I got Hizashi behind me. Before I could register anything, I felt my right fist connect with his nose hard enough that it sent a shock up to my shoulder. “I knew you were trash the moment I laid eyes on you! You don’t deserve Zashi!” I wanted to go for more, but I felt a multitude of hands grasp at me and pull me towards the exit. I managed to spit on Zashi’s ex before we were escorted out of the club.

“Oh my God, Shota! That was intense!” Hizashi grabbed my shoulders and shook me. His makeup was smeared from his tears, but it made him look like an ethereal being. “You good?”

“Mmh.”

“I can’t believe you did that for me! You’re so sweet! Oh my gosh, like you- Oh, God!” He backed up as he looked at me again. “Alleyway. Alleyway!” He guided us to the alleyway and held my hair the moment I let everything out. “Oh, God. It’s on your shirt. Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God!” When I spat out the remains, he gently took off my soiled shirt. “You are so lucky that I have on something sexy underneath this tee! I guess this may be a sign to dress sexy for myself instead of waiting for someone to see it in private, huh?” He pulled off his band tee and handed it to me with a smile. He had on a fishnet long sleeve bodysuit with nipple coverings, and he looked like the biggest rockstar in that moment… but, that was my best friend… My best friend is the biggest rockstar and he’s holding my gross shirt.

“You’re so freaking nice, Zashi!” I began to tear up as I put on the shirt. “I’m so sorry!”

“I should be sorry! I didn’t listen to you. I just listened to his dick!” We laughed like a couple of hyenas as we took our drunken selves to our favorite place to eat when we drank our weight in booze.

“Zashi." I sighed and shook my head. "I’m so sorry."

“Thanks. It hurts, you know? He wasn’t who I thought he was. I guess… I don’t know how to pick ‘em, huh?” He tried to laugh, but he went quiet.

Never in my life did I want to reach out to him through the phone and hug him as much as I do now, but all I could do was hug him with my words. “You have a big heart and a warm presence that deserves to be honored and cherished, and he just didn’t get it. If I had the chance, I’d punch him again. You deserve so much better, and you will get that.”

“When, Shota?” There was a pause.

“When the time and place is right.” I wanted to say right now and with me, but I chickened out. “That person will love you and nurture your heart, and that person will be the most lucky human in all existence and memory.”

“I wish it were-” He paused and sighed. “I wish it happened now.”

I felt my heart jump and my mind started to race. Did he want me? Should I risk it all? Were we both too afraid of screwing up our friendship? “Hizashi…”

“Hey, do you mind if we meet up somewhere? Your place, my place, a restaurant… Anywhere, honestly! I just need to see you. Sorry if that sounds clingy. I just-”

“Of course! I would love to meet up. You’re going through a tough situation, and I’m more than happy to be there for you.” I smiled. “You can come over to my place and we can decide if we wanna go out or not.”

“That sounds good. I’ll get coffee on the way, okay? I know you need it.” He chuckled.

“You’re the best.” I sighed in relief. “I think coffee would solve a lot of problems, right now.”

“Hey, Shota?”

“Yeah?”

“I want you to know how much I value our friendship. We had rocky moments, but there isn’t a day that I’m not grateful that we smoothed things out. I can freely be myself around you, and that’s really rare nowadays because all these fakes are roaming the streets.”

“It doesn’t help that you’re well known, huh?” I joked.

“Exactly! You keep me from losing my mind… You inspire me, you encourage me, and I know I can be vulnerable with you and you wouldn't judge me for it! I just really love- Ugh... No, I should stop. I’m getting sappy.” He burst into laughter.

“Funny enough, I needed to hear that.” I blushed and rubbed that back of my neck. “Hizashi, I actually wanna talk to you about something when you get here. It’s important to me, so that’s why I wanna wait.”

“Oh, for real? I’m not in trouble, am I?”

He was so cute. “No, not at all!” I snorted.

“Good! Give me a few minutes, okay? I’ll be there in a bit.”

“In Hizashi minutes, right? I'm guessing that it'll be an hour before you get here.”

“Shut up, man! I can’t help the fact that I’m a high maintenance scatterbrain!” He whined on the other line.

“Whatever. Just get here when you get here. You know where the spare key is, so I’m gonna take a shower and clean up the place a bit.”

“Sounds good!”

“Okay, cool. See you then.”

“See you!” He sang then hung up.

I looked at my phone with a whirlwind of emotions. The comfort of his voice still in my heart, but it wrestled with the anxiety that I felt in my chest as I knew what I set myself up for. The timing seems wrong, but I was so caught up that I could care less. What if he hates me for even confessing now? Yet again, it seemed that he was dying for me to confess… I just know that this is the last Saturday morning I wanted to spend hungover by myself. I wanted to wake up to messy blond hair in my mouth, limbs entangled, and the sweet smell of his natural scent mixed with the ghost of his perfume of choice from the night before.

The feeling was so strong that I clutched my pillow for dear life, and I couldn’t tell what kind of tears were falling from my eyes. All I could do is lay there and imagine what could possibly become a reality while also fear that I could make this imagery impossible if I said the wrong things. Funny enough, this hurricane of emotion is something that I’m just observing. Somewhere deep in my core, I felt a sense of relief and peace. And it was that very peace that gave me the strength to get up and get ready for a life changing discussion with my best friend.

Thank you! Bye!

[castiel-kline]

KitKat’s Random Rewatch Part 3

4x16 On the Head of a Pin

Full disclosure I have not seen this episode in a hot minute and don’t remember most of it so these notes are gonna be real interesting. Let’s go.

Oh my god Sam looks like a baby I feel bad for laughing. An angry baby, but a baby.

Hey season 4 Cas how you doin king <3

God the way he turned off the sirens is iconic

Oh noooo “goodbye sister” went straight to my soul, man

This is the first time we see a dead angel’s wings isn’t it. Dang.

Sam’s driving? That’s rare.

Sam, Dean does not have issues with getting angry don’t tell him he needs to be!

Oh heyyyy Uriel

Is it bad that I’m cackling at Uriel not taking Dean’s shit? I’m not having a very Dean positive day but GO OFF KING WHEW!

Ughhhh I wanted Uriel to come back so that s15 Cas could interact with him bc they have such an interesting dynamic here

“Our garrison” 🥺

Okay I’m actually feeling emotions about Dean fuck

S4 Cas really doesn’t blink huh

Ahhh written by Edlund. Makes sense.

OH SNAP they just left with Dean and Sam was NOT having it

Dean it’s okay you can do itttt

Why is Uriel showing so much emotion? Is that why he’s the funniest angel in the garrison?

God the jokes were so good in early spn I’m cackling

OH THIS IS THE EP WHERE HE SAYS FUNNIEST ANGEL IN THE GARRISON AM I PSYCHIC

Cas sweetie Uriel just laughed in Dean’s face if emotions are the doorways to doubt why is that allowed??? Also was Cas tortured before this one bc I’m... worried about that based on his mannerisms. AHHH

“I would give anything not to have you do this.” Fuck.

Oh yes that’s right Alastair actually scares the shit out of me I forgot

Oh snap Ruby’s in this ep too?!

S4 Sam... unhinged... he’s like half worried for Dean’s mental health and half overconfident it’s a funky mix. Fun and fresh.

Alastair’s really good at pushing Dean’s buttons huh

That creepy slowed down cover of Paint it Black would fit this scene SO WELL

Ruby’s demon eyes looked really cool idk what it was but it was cool

EW did Ruby just call him Sammy? That is rubbing me the wrong way ahhh

Ruby’s evil smirk... she was such a good villain actually she knew EXACTLY what she was doing

The shots of Cas just listening to the screams... damn

ANNA! Hey girl

Anna’s asking the real questions

“What you’re feeling... it’s called doubt” and Cas’ face in response? I’m SCREAMING

She’s holding his hand... 🥺

Oh shit he snatched it away

I am about to start fucking crying because Cas said he didn’t want to fall and he looks terrified. Not to rant but like... this is why him falling shouldn’t be romanticized for a ship. Bc he NEVER FUCKING WANTED TO

Okay I’m probably only thinking about this because I’m applying to film school but HOW did they shoot this part of the torture scene? Did they actually dump salt/something that looks like it down Christopher Heyerdahl’s throat? HOW DID YOU DO IT TELL ME YOUR SECRETS

oh shoot this is when we found about the first seal??? The controlled horror in Dean’s eyes... a point for Jensen

THE LEAKY PIPE AHHSLSKSKSKSKS

I forgot he broke out like that my god that was creepy

Oh fuck yeah Cas fighting with telekinesis why did they ever drop that

YALL THERE ARE TEARS IN MY EYES ALASTAIR PUSHED CAS ONTO A THINGY STICKING OUT OF THE WALL... THE FINALE MEMES ARE GETTING TO ME AND NOW IM CACKLING

Oh god I had to gif it I am dying

Okay back to the reaction I hope my grainy gif got a giggle out of you :)

Is this an angel exorcism!!!! This is coollll

Oh hey there powers!Sam

I could actually write an essay on Sam and Cas interactions in season 4 there is SO MUCH to unpack in their facial expressions

Sam said “now I can kill” and Cas looked like... idk if it was betrayed or disappointed? AHHH MUCH TO THINK ABOUT

also random observation but Sam and Dean killed each other’s Hell torturers and I have no idea what that means but it was probably not an intentional parallel

Awww Sam’s worried about Dean in the hospital... PROTECTIVE SAM ALERT HELL YEAH

Also in the context of Sam’s faith him yelling at Cas like this is truly something. SO much to unpack

Uriel buddy I think you’re lying through your teeth right now

UGH Cas having emotional turmoil on benches surrounded by snow will never not make me go feral. But feral in a good way.

HALO CAS IMAGERY I AM OFFICIALLY GOING WILD

“I’m considering disobedience” AND IM CONSIDERING LOSING MY MIND CAS STAHP

^^also again not to rant but I am a little concerned for someone who can watch Cas have moments like this and walk away thinking it’s because he’s ~in love~. Pretty obvious to me it’s WAYYYY deeper than that.

OH MY GOD THIS CAS AND ANNA SCENE IS IN THIS EP TOO??? Edlund popped off

Also Cas looks so scared of emotions I’m having an actual attack. Verging on a mental breakdown no joke

OH THE LEAKY PIPE SPEECH CAS I LOVE YOU TO PIECES

Okay WHAT HAPPENED to “the only thing that can kill an angel is another angel” WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED TO THAT

Cas’ face while Uriel’s monologuing is killing me

“For the first time in a long time... I am.” AHHHHH

and there’s that gorgeous shot

ANNA YOURE SUCH A BADASS WOW

god I’m really having a breakdown about early Cas now send help

Dean don’t be an ass Cas is going through it rn

Fate was wrong buddy Sam was the one who stopped the Apocalypse

Dean is having a legit crisis and it’s actually making me sad what’s happening

And a single man tear to end the episode what a RIDE

Okay I’m giving this a 10/10 that episode did not have to go that hard but it did. And now I am having 50 million simultaneous crises because I adore late seasons soft dad Cas with my entire heart but DAMN did the writers miss opportunities with him. Early Cas really does hit different.

Anyway if you made it this far I hope you enjoyed my ramblings! If you’ve got any episodes you want me to do let me know! I’m on break from school in like a week so I should be able to watch some TV ;)

[btxtreads]

ANOTHER TAG ASHJHJASD

extra long tag game (aka a tmi that no one particularly cares for)

tagged by @txthearteu​

tagging @markhyucknorenminchenji​ @qtsoobin​ @beomberry​ @txtdiaries​ and other people who wanna do it idk

ONE

tell me the first song that made you stan your current fave group and why did your faves attract you so much?

of course, none other than king943 hSJADJSAJHAS. He’s a little secret I’ll let you all in on: the first person I actually noticed in TXT was,,,,,,, Kang Taehyun hSDHJAHJSDAHSA but he wasn’t my bias. I just thought he was cute (also amused me bc my BTS bias was Taehyung and I found a guy named Taehyun cute), but I didn’t stan them then. I started stanning when I saw ONE DREAM.TXT where they talked to BTS and found them really cute and endearing. Looking into them, they were wild, and chaotic and so fun and also i got rEAAAALLY attached to Soobin. So here I am. There u go, my stanning story.

TWO

rule: answer the ten questions and write your own!

what’s your unrealistic goal for life?

becoming a famous actress or singer hJSHADJSA

if you had known that we would be in a global pandemic, what’s one thing that you would’ve done before things shut down (if they have for you)?

Went to a theme park. I miss going to theme parks 🥺

what’s an unconventional thing that you carry around with you when you go out?

hmmm most of the time i just go out with just my phone and money unless I need to bring a bag due to safety concerns/more items needed. So I’d say nothing unconventional.

favourite type of plushies and why?

God do I seem boring hsahsajjsa but i wasn’t too big on plushies. I had a gigantic teddy bear named Justin when I was a kid (it’s a bear with shades that my brother gave me) and I used to buy plushies whenever I’m in disneyland, it’s all in my sister’s reading lounge. The only plushie in my room now is a Mollang doll wearing like a blue shirt/dress, it’s my favorite rn It’s squishyyyy

favourite song right now?

right now, it’s Work It by Sabrina Carpenter.

something that you’ve always wanted to learn?

Dancing (i literally suck. i have no idea how. no joke), Vocal Lessons (had some lessons briefly for like a year but i stopped and want to take some again), music production, acting, hosting

tell a funny story about yourself (or just something that you’ve witnessed)

ok okok so one time in our class groupchat we were talking about class elections for officers. There were muse votes and some people were saying they want me to be the muse but i didnt want to bc i was busy with work. Then they started saying that they want me to be the muse and this guy that i rejected be the escort. while this is happening, i was simping hard for soobin in another chat. anyways, i got everything mixed up and accidentally sent the soobin simp stuff to the class chat and everyone thought i was simping for the classmate i rejected i was so asHAMED.

headphones or speakers? why?

speakers! idk i just like blastic the music loud.

craving any food right now? what are you craving?

anything with cheese

which music streaming platform do you prefer? why?

spotify since its free for me askjjksad someone pays for my subscription lmaooo

😌✌️

questions from cj to me:

android or apple? why?

APPLE because im loyal 😌 and i guess im just used to it so its easier to use for me + all my gadgets at home are mac

words of affirmation or physical affection? why?

I think there should be a good balance of both. The words will have the ability to give you this sense of comfort and satisfaction and you know just overall a peace of mind when you hear the right words??? and physical affection bc sometimes it’s just better to get a hug or a kiss isntead of talking yk? actions speak louder than words sometimes

bean bag or rocking chair? why?

Honestly, this would depend. If I’m reading a book and feeling very vintage with a hot cup of coffee, definitely a rocking chair. If I’m watching TV and basically just chilling I’d go for Bean Bag. I like maintaining the atmosphere.

do you view a half-filled glass as half-full or half-empty or an in-between? why? (go as deep as you can)

I view it as in-between, because there’s always room for improvement. There’s always things to change, and consider, and make better. There’s no such thing as perfect.

If someone were to grant your wish right now, what would it be and why?

Please stop corona right now and let everyone go back to their daily lives and please let me attend a TXT concert bls im begging on my kNEES

if someone were to give you anything you want right now, what would it be and why? (something that can be held)

Give me Soobin I just want to give him a hug. this is valid i can hold him

favorite season and why

Winter! Even if I’ve never experienced snow or winter before, the whole idea of snow is just really fun and endearing to me. One of my bucketlists is to see snow in real life. I think it has to do with the fact that I’ve always been this person to prefer the cold over heat.

what made you enter tumblr?

I’ve always been here! Just not in kpop tumblr. I’ve since deleted my old accounts and shame  but i came back to write. It’s always been so stress-relieving to me, to write without any expectations on my back because I’m thinking about grades or a competition. Also Soobin simping is a daily thing and I gotta release it somewhere man

are you happy with where you are in life right now? why or why not?

Yes. I may not be the richest or the prettiest, or smartest or whatever, but I have a good family that loves me. I have good friends that support me and I have TXT and BTS to help me cope when things get overwhelming. I have a job that gives me a little bit of income (it’s not too common for college students here to get jobs like in the US, most of them just focus on acads) and all the means to continue my education amidst the pandemic. So really, I’m grateful for where I am now.

to see the boys in real life but for it to happen only once in your lifetime, or to meet the boys via online fan meeting as many times as you can in your lifetime? why?

Why do you have to do me dirty cj,,,,, prolly online. I may not get to hug them or anything but I get to talk to them still. As may times as I want to. And as a girl whose sanity literally just depends on Soobin giggles rn it’ll be very therapeutic to me to see them and talk to them as much as I could, even just through a screen.

QUESTIONS FROM ME TO YOU:

Cinema or Netflix? Why?

Fire or Rain? Why?

What’s the worst experience you’ve had as a KPOP stan?

How do you handle stress?

Favorite Disney Princess and why?

Which fictional character do you say you relate the most to?

How did you get into KPOP?

What kind of merch you got ���

Would you date a KPOP idol? What would you do if you do date one? (doesnt have to be your bias, just wanna see what y’all would do)

Would you rather be with someone you love but doesn’t love you back or be with someone that loves yu but you don’t love them back? (Or, as the Filipinos would say, Mahal ko o Mahal Ako)

THREE

rule: bold the statements that apply to you, italicize your aspirations, then tag nine people.

AIR ༉⋆͙̈

i have small hands / i love the night sky / i watch animals and birds when i pass them by / i drink herbal tea / i wake to see the dawn / the smell of dust is comforting / i’m valued for being wise / i prefer books to music / i meditate / i find joy in learning new truths from the world around me

FIRE ༉⋆͙̈

i don’t have straight hair / i like to wear ripped jeans and overalls / i play an organized sport / i love dogs / i am not afraid of adventure / i love to talk to strangers / i always try new foods / i enjoy road trips / summer is my favorite season / my radio is always playing

WATER ༉⋆͙̈

i wear bracelets on my wrists / i love the bustle of the city / i have more than one set of piercings / i read poetry / i love the sound of a thunderstorm / i want to travel the world / i sleep past midday most days / i love simply lit dinners and fluorescent signs / i rewatch kids shows out of nostalgia / i see emotions in colors not words

EARTH ༉⋆͙̈

i wear glasses or contacts / i enjoy doing the laundry / i am a vegetarian or vegan / i have an excellent sense of time / my humor is very cheerful / i am a valued advisor to my friends / i believe in true love / i love this chill of mountain air / i’m always listening to music / i am highly trusted by the people in my life

AETHER ༉⋆͙̈

i go without makeup in my daily life / i make my own artwork / i keep on track of my tasks and time / i always know true north / i see beauty in everything / i can always smell flowers / i smile at everyone i pass by / i always fear history repeating itself / i have recovered from a mental disorder / i can love unconditionally

FOUR

PERSONAL

name: -

nickname: rina

birthday: - 

zodiac: gemini

nationality: filipino

languages: english, filipino 

gender: female

sexuality: straight

height: 5′2 like 2 years ago, i probably grew like an inch or two 

BLOG STUFF

inspiration for muse: --

meaning behind my url: bts and txt fanfics to read hasjhsahj

blog established: ,,,,, i cant remember askjjksdjkdsa but the blog is only a few months old!

followers: 384!!! love yall 

FAVORITES

favourite animals: b u n n y y y y y

favourite books: CAMP HALF BLOOD SERIES BY RICK RIORDAN IM ZEUS’ DAUGHTER YALL

favourite colour: black, blue, purple

favourite fictional characters: Percy Jackson, Jaron from Ascendance Trilogy, Chimmy!!! hihi

favourite flower: white roses

favourite scent: coffee

favourite season: winter

RANDOM

average hours of sleep: 3-5 or 8-10.

cats or dogs: dogs because cats scare me

coffee, tea or hot chocolate: coffee!!! especially if it’s iced and sweet

current time: 12:21 AM

dream trip: California. Look I have the visa, pls miss rona. just leave so cali can just let me IN

dream job: actress or singer

hobbies: writing, reading, watching crackvids

hogwarts house: gryffindor

last movie watched: Work It (bc it has sabrina carpenter ahshsahsa i have low standards when we talk about Sabrina)

last song listened to: Helpless - Hamilton OBC

no. of blankets you sleep with: 1

random fact(s): if given the chance again, I would go on a date in high school. Also try to exert more effort in my appearance back then i looked like an honest to god M E S S (tbh i still do but now i have eyebrow liner on) hsajhsajhh

FIVE

10 things I can’t stop listening to (at the moment)

Run Away - TXT

Work It - Sabrina Carpenter

Euphoria - BTS

Song Cry - Yeonjun

Helpless - Hamilton OBC

Satisfied - Hamilton OBC

Journey to the past - Anastasia OBC

Lost in the Woods - Frozen OST

Perfect Song - Sabrina Carpenter

Friends - BTS

[banghyung]

daddy (s)

word count - 1.5k

warnings - smut, drinking mentions, daddy kink

member - Mingi of ATEEZ

request - “Can you do another daddy kink with Mingi plz plz 🙏🏽”

a/n - alright kids let’s get this bbang

anyways, if you guys want to you should follow me on twitter @/choechanied !

my profile is mostly skz, tbz, and txt as of now because they’re my main emotional support kpop boys, but all of my other (62375862) groups make appearances :D I post some of my other og content on there too! I’m working on some drawings rn that I’ll post to twt, but as of now it has some tbz quote aesthetics and tbz moodboards up! 

The music was loud as you moved along the dance floor, all of your worries sliding off of your shoulders as you took another drink. You screamed along with the words, arms slung around the shoulders of your friends as they joined you in yet another night that you would probably not remember. You stood in a circle, hips swaying without worry, as the night moved on.

After a few drinks you forced yourself to stop, the alcohol coursing through your veins just enough to make you feel weightless. You wanted to remember tonight. You smiled at your friends as they stumbled, giggles falling out of their lips as they fell over each other. One friend grabbed your hand and pulled you back to the dance floor, your laughter echoing through the room and catching the attention of a few young men leaning against the bar counter.

Mingi looked up at the sound of loud laughter overpowering the thumping bass. His eyes scanning the crown as he casually sipped on his drink, his eyes finally landing on the group in the middle of the dance floor. He smiled as he watched you and your friends play around, the contagious lightheartedness filling him. He downed his drink, his veins full of liquid courage, and he approached you.

You turned as you felt a tap on your shoulder, looking up to see one of the most attractive men you had ever seen. “Would you like to dance,” he asked, holding out a hand. You smiled and accepted, telling your last sober friend where you were going. He led you closer to the DJ before softly placing his hands on your hips and beginning to sway with you. You turned around, pressing yourself against his body as you began to grind on him.

His hands tightened on you as you moved against him, the tension growing as time went on. After a while, he spun you around and pulled you into him, making you look up at him in surprise.

He looked down at you intensely. “Can I kiss you?”

“Please,” you whispered.

He slammed his lips against yours, one hand moving to rest on the small of your back while the other cupped your cheek. Your hands wrapped around the back of his neck in an attempt to pull him closer to you. You kissed for what felt like an eternity before he pulled away.

“Do you wanna get out of here?”

You looked at him and weighed your options before deciding that life was short and he was hot, so why not? You nodded and he smiled, grabbing your hand and pulling you to the exit. You stopped to tell your friends that you were leaving, making sure they wouldn’t worry, before returning to Mingi as he waited for you outside. The cold was harsh against your skin after the intense heat of the club, and you clung to his arm for any semblance of warmth. Mingi ushered you into the waiting taxi, laying his jacket over your lap as he settled in beside you.

The ride was accompanied by small talk, both of you realizing you had yet to tell each other your names. As you pulled to a stop in front of what you assumed was Mingi’s apartment, he pressed a short kiss to your lips before exiting the cab. He held out his hand and helped you out before paying the driver and quickly pulling you inside.

The minute you were both inside the door, he had you pressed against it. His lips moved roughly against yours as his hands burned trails up and down your sides. You broke apart shortly so you could remove your heels and throw them into the corner, your arms quickly wrapping back around the boy as you pulled him to you. His hands slid to your ass as he lifted you up, your legs wrapping around his waist as he deepened the kiss.

One of his hands slowly slid between you two and he began lightly rubbing you through your panties. You sighed as your head lolled back, his lips ghosting over your neck as you moaned softly.

“You’re so wet already,” he whispered against you. Wrapping his arm back around you he reconnected your lips and stumbled through his apartment to his bedroom.

He threw you onto the bed, his body quickly following yours. He kissed you desperately, his hands working fast to rid you of the clothes you were wearing. With every article that he removed, he made sure to leave small hickies all over the newly exposed skin, the feeling of his lips on you driving you wild. As he threw his own clothes off, he began kissing you again as his hand connected with your heat. He slowly pushed two fingers into you, making you sigh against his lips. He pumped them out gently, stretching you with every movement. You groaned lowly as he sped up.

“You like that, princess? Does daddy make you feel good?”

Your eyes shot open in surprise at the name, but as his thumb roughly connected with your clit you found them fluttering shut once more.

“What’s that,” he asked, stopping his movements. “I can’t hear you.”

“Yes,” you moaned, bucking your hips up in a futile attempt to make Mingi start again.

“Yes, what?”

You groaned at his teasing. “Yes, daddy.”

He smirked. “That’s what I thought.” His fingers began quickly pumping in and out of you, his thumb once again rubbing harsh circles on your clit. You pulled at the bed sheets, desperate for something to grab onto as he inserted another finger into you.

“Fuck,” you moaned under your breath. Mingi’s eyes darkened as he looked down at your writhing form, growing more impatient with every second.

Finally he pulled his fingers out of you and rubbed his length along your heat, teasing you further.

“Mingi, please,” you begged.

“What was that,” he asked, eliciting a frustrated groan from you at his relentlessness.

“Daddy, please. I need you.”

“That’s all you had to say, baby girl.”

He pushed into you abruptly, causing your breath to catch in your throat. He groaned at the feeling of you wrapped around him. He pulled himself out slowly before slamming back into you, causing a choked groan to escape you.

“God, you feel so good baby.”

He continued his teasing routine of tauntingly pulling out of you before roughly thrusting back in.

“Faster, daddy. Please.” He smirked at the whine lacing your voice, quickly complying to your wish.

His hips moved quickly against you, moans and expletives mixed with the vulgar sound of skin slapping skin. Mingi’s lips attached to your neck as he continued to pound into you, peppering kisses over the skin before groaning lowly into your ear.

“You’re so sexy.”

Your head flew back as you felt him connect his fingers to your clit once more, the stimulus causing stars to pop into your view and your breath to sputter in your chest.

Your toes curled at the sensations, and you could feel yourself nearing the edge.

“I’m getting close,” you whispered, the pleasure not allowing you to speak any louder.

Mingi smirked down at you, loving the way that you were coming undone around him. “Be a good girl and cum for me. Let the neighbors know who’s making you feel this good.”

Your breath came in gasps as your orgasm approached, your walls clenching around Mingi’s length and throwing him over the edge. He quickly pulled out before roughly pushing three fingers into you, not wanting you to lose your approaching high. Your back arched off of the bed as your orgasm washed over you.

You came with Mingi’s name on his lips, but he was much too entranced by the sound to be upset that it wasn’t ‘daddy’ that was spilling out of you. After your orgasm had racked through your body, he carefully pushed your hair out of your face and left a chaste kiss to your forehead. Your mind was still recovering from the sensations, so you were unable to process what was happening as Mingi pulled his blanket over you and wrapped you in his arms. When you had finally come to, you looked up to see that he was already asleep.

You scoffed jokingly at his soft, sleeping face. “This was the man that had me screaming daddy not even 5 minutes ago,” you asked in disbelief. Mingi stirred slightly and pulled you deeper into his arms.

“Stay here tonight,” he mumbled. You smiled at the soft boy that he had turned into before whispering an agreement and nuzzling into him. A smile grew on both of your faces as you fell asleep in the others’ embrace, but with dreams of the rougher Mingi you had met earlier plaguing your night - you knew you were in for another round once morning had risen.

[og-doubletrouble-kinnie]

SPOP Season 4 notes

Spoilers obvi

Gonna be a bit different from my s3 notes, as I’m p much just gonna liveblog stuff here- Since I dont wanna spoil my friends... Rip 😔

Ep 1:

Mom: Icecream cake :-D me, sobbing: Mom I love you

Every time my mom does something I cry. I love and miss her sm

YALL JUST HURTIN PERFUMA LIKE THIS-

WHY CAN THE SWORD BE A MOP-

Ya know I always thought Hordaks red teeth were fuckin weird af

GRANDMA GRANDMA GRANDMA GRANDMA

GO GET MY GIRLFRIEND YOU UGLY KITTY

EMILYYYYYYYYY AWAAAA

They really out here just reusing the princess prom outfits huh?

Really though I swear if Entrapta doesnt come back I’ll scream. You cant just trade in my beautiful amasing gf for me. I know I’m great but I swear.

Rip Auntie Angella.... 😔

I wasn’t even there for the corrination- I kinda feel bad for that but... I was alittle busy... With somethin- Hell if I know what.

HELL YEAH QUEEN GLIMMERRR

Oh hot diggity Catra-

Look I may not like her but I can really respect her tactics....

EP 2:

Okay what does Perfuma have against the crimson wastes- Hopefully its (Rightful) fear!

Oh nooo the gooooo

One does not simply call Adora soft

Aweeee Perfuma and Bow bonding...

Perfuma is cacti-phobic hahahaha

O.O Wheres the ship

Huntara eats sand and theres nothing you can do about it.

OOOO NEW TOWN NEW TOWN NEW TOWN

MEMEMEMEMEMMEMEMEMEMMEMEMEMEMMEMEMEMEME

AH YES MY FIRST WORDS ARE BEING SCORPIA AND FLIRTING WITH CATRA. HOW FITTING.

God im so dramatic I love it

Perfuma Im so proud of you bb

Hot take? Perfuma x Huntara

AWEEE IM SO HAPPYYYYYYYY

Honestly being Catra was always fun

Ep 3:

Pajamas Catra? Catra without her headband? Wild shit. Wild shit.

She cute tho ngl

Oh hecc its time to fuck with the rebels-

I s2g its rly lookin like my tl may just be flip flopped on which side I helped- Idk... its only ep 3 jfkbgf

Wittle moth society... so cute...

Flutterina... Adorable

SHE RA CAKE

The moth town leader is adorable. Precious old lady. I love her. her design is amazing. 10/10 I love her

Wait what-

Ohhhh my god what happened-

Catra if you dont start appreciating Scorpia right this second I swear to god I will appreciate her myself.

Flutterina is so precious. All her fangirling...

Are we gonna explorer the whole.. reaction catra has every time someone mentions the Portal??

MAGICAL SACRED BOND TIME

FLUTTERINA IS A PRECIOUS BABY AND I LOVE HERRR

SCORPIAAAA SIS GET OVER HERE LEMME HUG UUUU

Oh....

OH

O H

OKAY

I AM ON BOARD WITH THIS

Ep.4

Spinerella and nettossa are precious 100%

Okay but I’m right. tiny cute and pink. I didnt even catch it. I done fooled myself.

Am cutie

GRANDMAS BA C K BOIISSSSS

god I love shadow weaver. I miss her sm

B O BB N O

OKAY SPOT ON BO IMPRESSION!

IM SO CUUUTTTEEE

Yaaayyyyy Catras having fun!

WEAVER LIKES DAISIES. PRECIOUS. AWA. GWANDMAAAA

She makes great bait and u know it.

Oh no are the gfs fighting-

Catra legit thought glimmer was me I love this-

CATRA WHY DO YOU KNOW WHAT GLITTER TASTES LIKE-

..... Okay literally as I type thet I get mems of her eating glitter okay cool

Ohhh That was cool-

Hey Catra dont hide your grateful attitude you dick

God I love these girlfriends

LET WEAVER BE GOOD ADORA

This is cute

Ep 5

Kyle you precious little boy

Oh are they finally gonna develop these three?

Ditzy light hope is cute light hope

SHES ALL SMILEYYYY

I love Kyle launie and roheleo... Precious

“I made a crystal :-D”

“I know what will help!” “no dont-”

Kyle I love you

“Oh trust me the information is never gonna load for you.”

Lookit these... three siblings.... Blessed babes

COMPUTER MOM HAS EMOTIONS

AWA

KYLE BABY NOOO

HARD SQUINTING AT LIGHT HOPE

EP 6

Oh boi Scoria episode here we go

God I love that she kept Emily....

Scorpia is too bright and cheery for the hoarde. Redeem her damnit

Hecc I hate that Im being so mean to the best friend squad but oooog its so fun to watch

Emily’s personality is so cuuuteee -w-

Emily scared of Catra.. precious

SCORPIA YOU DESERVE SO MUCH BETTER-

I wanna hug her so bad

Hehehehehehe >:)

Damnit Bo, ruining my work-

CRYING

Scorpias entrapta impression tho

SCORPIA YOU TOUCH THAT GARNET GOD DAMNIT

Im gonna cry, emilys recordings....

GOD I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND-

..... Whats goin on with the Garnet...

LET GLIMMER BE DARK

THE GREATEST HUGS, SCORPIA. GREATEST HUGS

Emily youre so smart.

SCORPIA FINALLY KNOWIN SHES WORTH BETTER HELL YEAH YOU GO SISTER

Catra rly needs a hug tbh

OHHHH HELL YESSSSSS

God I wanna know more about the scorpion kingdom....

Ep 7

Mermista you are too happy when holding everyone in a room against their will

OH OKAY THAT WOULD EXPLAIN WHY

SPOILERS MERMISTA

Ohhh hohoho I am lovin this story~

Shadow weaver bein an embarassing mom to Adora, adorable

Adora was absolutely suspicious of Weaver in my tl 100% Sure I made her more trusted, but Adora is stubborn

BFDJKGBFJKD ENTRAPTAS HELPERS ARE IN THE CASTLE

Ooooooo This is a great ep...

Ohh Im having fun arent I~

Ohhhhhhh Shiiiiiiiiiiit Rip selenious

Ep8

I hope yallre keepin an eye on me, Or I’ll get out >:-)

Awee depressed baby :-(

SHANTYYYY

OH THIS IS PRECIOUS

Seahawk this is a terrible idea....

This better be a musical episode

BDHJFBD WRONG KIDNAPPERS

I love depressed mermista

Return of the she-mop!

Oooo seahawk past....

Awee Catra misses Scorpia

And is finally realizin shes gone

O u c h poor Seahawk

OW GLIMMER

HELL YEAH MERMISTA

“A SEAGULL TOLD ME!”

Oooo Catra, a natural born killer~

I love bein able to finally see Octavia in action

Low key musical Ep, hell yesssss

I already shipped mermista and seahawk but this ep... Is just makin me ship it more....

SCORPIA HAS MOMS

The fact that it took this long for Catra to finally go to scorpias room and check on her

How the fuck do the boats work

Ep 9

OHHHHH Razz gets the sheras mixed up thats honestly so cute-

Razz... I lov u

I love her refrences to the old charas

Razzzz awe precious.. The first time...

Oooo I love seein Mara

AWEE LIGHT HOPE SOFT FOR MARA

Good I feel bad for Razz tbh??? hoppin back and forth between Sheras

MARAS TRANSFORMATIONNNNN

God she looks so much better than Adora holy fuck

NOOO RAZZ DONT CRYYY

HOLY FUCKING SH I WHAT THE F U CFDHFDJBKJGBSKED

Hot fucking damn I didnt expect this what the sh iiiiiii

I STILL WANNA HUG RAZZ-

Ep 10

DAMN IM SO COLD XD

That fuckin POOF

PLEAAASSEE LET ME AND WEAVER BOND PLZ I WANT MY GRANDMAAAAA

Let Frosta nap 2020

SCORPIAAAA

DONT SNEAK UP BEHIND SCORPIA

Daaaamn Catra... Go take a nap hun, you look terrible

Oh sweetie.....

Glimmer please you didn’t see what they saw.

Aaaannnnd Okay the queenliness is goin to her head cool

SCORPIA BABYYYY

Caaaatttrrraaaaa

LOOPY LOOP BETRAYAL

God I love them learning the ship

FBHJSDBFSJHVFD OH MY GOD FAKE TEARS

SHE DID IT IM SO PROUD OF HERRR

Ep11

Eeeeee I hope they find my blessed gorl.....

Whats swifty hearin..

OH SHIT SHERA DOESNT WORK-

I cant believe the first ones just have a fucking dump

MICHA MICHAM ICHA ITS MY UCLE I KNOW IT

HELL YEAH BAEBEEEEEE

I KNEW HE WAS ALIVE

Sweet my uncles just a lil crazy haha

MICHA I LOV YOU

Awaaaaaa

Glimmer loses one parent and gains the other. Girl only gets one parent at a time. Hahahaha

The world has to nerf her lmao

Hell yeah hes cool!

Okay cool proof that Lighthope just wants to activate the weapon

Guys just tell him she’s a teenager omfg

Hoooooly hecc

NOOOOOOOO aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

SHE RAAAAA

MY WIIIFFFEEEE

AAAAAAAA

YAASSSS

EEEEE

Ohhhh Scorpia is the key.....

Interesting.......

Ep 12

EVEN WEAVER IS CONFUSED

You bet you ass Ive escaped bitches >:)

-cries- I’ve missed my wife

Awaaa she never changes!

Someone hug Catra I s2g

DT nooooooo

SHE SHOWS NO CONNECTION BECAUSE YOU TOOK IT WEAVER-

I adore Weaver in this season- Who am I kidding, I adore Weaver in every season

THe hoarde is led by two kids who just need some tender love and care

God Ive missed her...

SWEETIE WHY ARE YOU SO CHEERY ALL THE TIME- AAA I LOVE YOU

squinty

Uhhhggggg I now hate that I remember having a runestone of my own

Tho I DO wanna know what kinda powers Scorpia will get....

Sweetie no non onononononononononononononoono

BABY NOOO NO NO O NONONONONONONONONONO

IM GONNA CRY SHE BETTER BE OKAY-

YESS BABY

AWAAA ENTRAPTA I LOVE YOUUUU

bdhsvfbjskbfd I can only do her hair bjkvfdbgfkd

OWO IM SO SMART YET SO DUMB

HORDAK TEARS?!

Hehehehehe YES I HELPED GLIMMER

Ep 13

Nobodies followin Catra anymore lmao

Ohhhh shit Catras gonna d i e

Rip in pieces Hordak

Ohhh shiiiiiiii

SEAHAWK LIL HEART EYES

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

I love callin Catra out ohhhh my g o d

OOoooooo Lightning!

I gotta question that rn Glimmer...

Damnit Hordak aint dead...

Ohhh hecc hecc hecc hecc

OH SHIT THE SWORD-

Ya rly just teleport a whole room like that-

I like horde prime-

His eyes are cool and his palette is so much nicer aaaa

Fffffuck

Fave season so far

And not just cause I’m finally in it xD

Expect more posts when the mems really start pouring... Gotta figure out how all this changed in my TL since it DEFINITELY wasn’t just like this-

[tenacious-scripturient]

a run-down of / my thoughts on the novel ‘trade secrets’

so! i’ve recently finished this beautifully written novel by @bettsican​, and am anxiously anticipating for the second book in the trilogy! (seriously, give it a read. it’s a great lgbtq+ thriller and mystery story, i promise you’ll love it!! you can find trade secrets in many places, including amazon, where it’s only $6)

as i was reading it, i noted down all the thoughts i had. it was fun, interesting, and kept me on the edge of my seat!

oh, and spoiler warning, of course.

Chapter One

okay. this is interesting. why are they in paris? or rather, why are they NOT in paris?

2080. damn.

who is cooper hall and why is he important i want to knowwwwwwww

Chapter Two

HOLY FUCK

CHAPTER ONE WAS A PROLOGUE

OKAY IF I DIDNT NEED TO BEFORE I HAVE TO READ IT NOW

-ahem- anyway

nate literally everything you think of has to relate to smoking, doesnt it?

clyde you absolutely bitch raccoon

im sort of piecing together what’s happening here? either way this is a SUPER interesting concept.

i love the idea of every word being important

nate look at you being a nice guy. testing the CAPS before giving them to ur clients

or maybe it’s just good business

but whatever

okay, so credits are money in this world. but how do people get them? obviously there’s what nate’s doing but what’s the legal way to get them? ill probably find out soon

if it wasnt explicitly said by betty that nate ends up with another guy (i forget his name. cooper?) i would have thought audry was the romantic interest

audry you loving caring hypocrite

i feel like she’s gonna be one of my favourite characters

who is this young man that dares disturb nate’s slumber

cooper? cooper.

Chapter Three

nate get up

u turtle get up and hurry down the stairs

or—okay you can fall into that drywall that works too

ohhhhh so nate is a detective. that’s interesting

i also love this idea of keeping secrets (haha trade secrets)

dude are you sure that your embarrassing entrance wasn’t the ONLY reason you blushed? ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

HEIGHT DIFFERENCE HEIGHT DIFFERENCE HEIGHT DIFFERENCE HEIGHT DIFFERENCE HEIGHT DIFFERENCE HEIGHT DIFFERENCE HEIGHT DIFFERENCE HEIG—

nate ur spending an awful lot of time looking at his features you funky little bisexual

oh damn ur smarter than u seem, just watching him take a single breath and you’re already making connections. i guess that’s why he’s a detective

im gonna assume this is cooper, even tho it never explicitly says so

i feel like we aren’t gonna get his name for a while, bc clients and whatnot and not getting attached

Chapter Four

NATE WEARS GLASSES???????

that’s kind of cute

im lowkey gay rn

anyway

NATE CALLED HIM SWEET-FACED AND PRETTY-FACED O K A Y

oh he has curly brown hair

and oh the glasses aren’t real glasses. oh. the use is actually pretty cool!

so from what im gathering civilians are people who don’t live in sanctuaries, and lemnis are people who do?

cooper sweetie why do u need so much money what have u done

nate’s pretty clever

HAH I WAS RIGHT WE AREN’T GONNA GET HIS NAME FOR A WHILE

well that’s that i guess

Chapter Five

he’s so timid awh

hehe he’s on nate’s bed

sorry

goddammit man calm down or else you’re gonna get everyone in a 5-mile radius around you arrested

wait…. zero-credit balance?? didn’t he just have a few hundred thousand credits???

OH THIS IS A FAKE PROFILE HE MADE

so cooper isn’t his real name either

oh

Chapter Six

oh we’re back to 2080

oh they’re back in the apartment??

it was obvious before but at this point it’s confirmed that they’re going to be doing some travelling together or something

Chapter Seven

this is getting really interesting i dont wanna stop reading and type everything that comes to mind

these are gonna be shorter now hehe

“i’d been a petri dish of mixed emotions and wild chemical changes for half the day” I LOVE THAT METAPHOR LMFAO

what happened with nate’s mom

i want to know

my prediction: she wanted him to either change up or completely remove the chip bc she did something horrible? or maybe she just wanted to leave idk im bad at predictions

either way it said she was crazy

o h

that’s why he’s terrified of cutting the chip

poor nate

Chapter Eight

oh this is strangely intimate

very intimate

i feel that, because cooper has such high pain tolerance (or doesn’t show pain), he has some backstory for it

Chapter Nine

lmao nate just went off didnt he

THEIR FLIRTING IS CUTE FHJKJDLSKAJDKLSJAK

also is being lgbtq+ widely accepted as the norm in this setting? bc nate considered cooper to be flirting with him

ughhhh it’s so good so far, from the character interactions to the suspense, especially in this chapter

Chapter Ten

rude cooper is rude, rude nate is even more rude

F E D O R A

“coop”

Chapter Eleven

aw i love jimmy already—

WHAT THE FUCK COOPER

EXCUSE ME

JIMMY

WHAT

HOW COULD YOU

goddammit

what the fuck is cooper hiding

cooper oh my god

you

you’re playing a dangerous game, mate

are you really that heartless

“deceptively innocent eyes” you got that right

this chapter hurted

thanks a lot jess

Chapter Twelve

“like a weeping wound on the canvas of my home” this has got to be one of my favourite similes ever omg

the way nate’s describing cooper makes my heart hurt awh

i feel like butterflies have some sort of symbolism

maybe being ugly on the outside and beautiful on the inside, or vice versa? the vice versa was basically cooper lol

aye we finally get to meet audry!!

PEANUT BUTTER AND TRICYCLE I WANNA HEAR ABOUT THAT

i love audry omg

IT’S NATE’S BIRTHDAY?? HAPPY BIRTHDAY YA SMOKEY CONMAN

“bright eyes” is the cutest nickname ever

Chapter Thirteen

oh we’re back to 2080

wait what they’re trapped together

is this story gonna have a sad ending

please no

Chapter Fourteen

OH IT’S THE LINE ON THE COVER

i like that

nate’s back to where he left cooper

also if it wasn’t obvious before, it’s definitely obvious now that nate and cooper or gonna find each other again. hm. not sure how i feel about that

kind of pissed at cooper but also we need him for the story to progress

O H

COOPER IM ONLY KIND OF PISSED AT YOU NOW

IT MAKES SO MUCH SENSE

NATE IVE SAID IT BEFORE BUT YOU’RE PRETTY CLEVER

also who is ‘her’?

COOPER WANTS TO BECOME A?? LEMNIS?? GODDAMMIT MAN

I CAN FEEL THE PRESSURE RISING

nate’s in danger

wow this chapter is

a lot

i need a break

-cue a break-

Chapter Fifteen

i’m back

eisley is a cool last name

oh wait so even people outside of sanctuaries can become a lemniscate

i’m still not 100% sure what a lemniscate is

it’s so ironic elijah’s last name is king, but i assume you did that on purpose. i also like the slight nod to royalty by his first name

OH

COOPER’S BACK

why hello there

Chapter Sixteen

they’re

competing

to become a lemniscate

and one of them dies

do they fight back?? is that why they end up in prison??? so many thoughts are going through my head right now

nate, your fantasy about becoming a lemniscate is surprisingly dark. i’m totally down for it

Chapter Seventeen

oh wait so joshua is cooper’s blackmailer?? Interesting that it’s a lemniscate

i keep forgetting nate is wearing glasses

cooper, my dude, calm the fuck down. you’re gonna get yourself and nate killed

it’s the return of soft™ nate

Chapter Eighteen

oh there’s another one

oh this is very ominous i don’t like

Chapter Nineteen – Twenty-One

okay i was eating while i read so i couldn’t type here but just know that these chapters were really really good

Chapter Twenty-Two

wait fuck what’s happening this is all happening so fast

cooper brought out his gun,,,, it’s aimed at ivonne,,,,,,, they’re walking,,,

OH IT WAS A FAKE KIDNAPPING

nice

i like ivonne a lot

Chapter Twenty-Three

the entire story just changed course

this isn’t just about cooper and nate anymore, it’s about a corrupt government

NATE AND COOPER ARE HOLDING HANDS AS THEY RUN THROUGH THE BARRIER THAT’S SO ROMANTIC

also the line “only the dead are ever truly free” is beautiful

THAT’S WHERE PARIS COMES IN

THEY ALL GO TO FRANCE DON’T THEY

I’m so curious to find out where this story is going

Chapter Twenty-Four

this is doin me a confusion

but tbh these hints/ visions of the future, if you could call them that, are giving just enough information to keep me super interested. props to you

Chapter Twenty-Five

AUDRY STOP TEASING NATE

just joking keep doing it, this might actually get their relationship somewhere

ivonne is definitely my favourite character so far. she reminds a little of melia from xenoblade chronicles, in that they’re both ‘royalty’ that rebel. also they’re badass and smart

oh fuck the brother is here

okay thank god he’s not an asshole

oh god things are happening again

Chapter Twenty-Six

nate stop ogling at cooper when you’re in a life-or-death situation

holy shit the lemniscate are messed up

this crew is pretty great, it sucks that it’s almost the end of the book

WAIT I FORGOT THERE’S A SECOND COMING SOON HECK YEAH

anyway

YES COOPER PULL THROUGH

awwww yiss

Chapter Twenty-Seven

oh

oh

O H

oh my god i ship them so hard

THEY KISSED

THIS IS SO STEAMY

this chapter was art thank you so much for this

Chapter Twenty-Eight

AHAHAH AUDRY

once again, i’d like to state how much i love her

oh the tension just grew twentyfold

this is… great

oh god nate what are you planning, you just got together with cooper and now you want to leave him?

Chapter Twenty-Nine

what’s with all the dancing?

Chapter Thirty

oh god the description

so he’s going around and giving people credits, all the while confessing things that would help the lemniscate track him down. i assume this means he’s going to die, but why?

just what are you planning?

oh we’re back to clyde, the guy who started it all. it feels full circle

Chapter Thirty-One

OH

HE’S MAKING HIS CHIP SHOW THAT HE’S DEAD

that’s much smarter

FUCK

NATE YOU IDIOT—COOPER’S REAL NAME

SHIT NOW KING IS HERE

everything’s going downhill now isn’t it

Chapter Thirty-Two

wait that took an even darker turn

there’s so much happening right now i can’thandlethis

cooper and nate are couple goals

Chapter Thirty-Three

king isn’t as horrible as i thought

still horrible, but not a monster

NEVER MIND YOU’RE A FUCKING MONSTER WHAT IS THIS BS

cooper

actually

shot

nate

Chapter Thirty-Four

OH MY GOD

WHAT

THIS IS HOW YOU END IT

I CAN’T

HOW DARE YOU

NO

NO

NO

NO

i need the next book

like right now

what the hell

Final Thoughts

okay so this book was SO good, and so well written. like damn

aside from that horrible ending how could you do this to me

i’m joking, it was an incredible and emotional ending, i loved it and hated it at the same time

it very rarely felt static, and especially in the first half, there was a good mix of action and backstory/description. it was never boring

the story is just,,, so unique. i seriously haven’t read anything like it, EVER

the world-building?? Is?? so vast?? and insane??

the increasing tension and speed as the story progressed is perfect, i felt my heart beating faster the more i read

anyway that’s all from me

this book was amazing i cannot wait for the next

[vanessaxyvonne]

Sugar Pink Liquor, Liquor Lips | V + NV

When: June 20th, 2021

Where: Circle Bar ; Vanessa's Penthouse

Warnings: Alcohol, Vomiting, Angst, Pregnancy mention (no, no one's pregnant)

Featuring: @niklausvondra

Texts from Circle Bar

Vanessa:

I know you hate meeee but I'm drunk rn

niklaus:

I don't hate you and why are you drunk?

Vanessa:

I’m celebrating!!!

I did a great thing again

niklaus:

Well glad to know that you're willing to text me drunk

but I don't hate you--my sister on the other hand

Vanessa:

I’d text you sober but like it’s complicated

I know I’m the treacherous slut

it’s why we can’t be together which isn’t fair but you know I’ll wait for you in the next life if you still like me

niklaus:

You're not a treacherous slut

there's just bad blood and nicole needs to get over it

You really think we will meet again in the next life?

Vanessa:

I am, Nick. That’s what I’ve always been. And she can tryy but she will always see me as the monster okay?

yeah, but!!!!! You gotta find me in the next life this time okay?

niklaus:

listen, Nicole is grown woman and it’s been years if she can’t get over it, then you move on. You have a company and better friends

Yes, I’ll find you

Vanessa:

that means I lose you too

I wish we were in our new lives right now, I bet it’s better. We’d be happy

niklaus:

news flash, I am my own person. If you cut ties with Nicole for good then you won’t lose me

Who knows, life could be cruel

Vanessa:

you promise???

life without you is crueler

niklaus:

yeah

Vanessa:

I almost did something stupid and my friends would’ve been so upset with me

niklaus:

what did you do

Vanessa:

well I did it anyways

I drank more ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

niklaus:

oh my god

why am I not surprised

you do realize you’re going to be hating yourself in the morning, right?

Vanessa:

I knowww

I gotta numb the existential dread somehow

can you pick me up? I promise I won't puke or hit on you

niklaus:

Where are you

Vanessa:

I'm at Circle bar

niklaus:

awesome, I’m down the road at a friends. I’ll be there in ten mins

Vanessa:

Okayyyyy

thank you nick

Nessa sat outside the bar in the waiting area and because of her charm, she made friends with the bouncer who kept her drunk self safe until Nick arrived. Of course, she was trying her hardest not to completely pass out when she perked up at the familiar green eyes and lop-sided dimpled grin. "Niiick!" She drawled out excitedly. "I'm so glad you're here!"

niklaus vondra.

After leaving a friends home, the disappointment in their eyes as he left made him chuckle, making way over to where Vanessa was at he walked along the side walk and saw her sitting there, he nodded his head. “I said I would come and grab you, I have an Uber waiting,” he held out his hands for her to take.

Vanessa grinned as she took his hands with a big smile. "My hero!!" She said with drunken excitement. "D'you know what? I left the fuzzy tiara that one of the really super nice bachelorettes gave to me. I'm so gutted but I can't go back," She rambled. "Also, I'm a bit tired."

niklaus vondra.

”You look hammered,” nick smiled and helped her up, reaching up to lightly pat down her hair and held out his arm. “We’ll get you some food and tuck you right into bed. Then you should be good to go.” He reached to hold onto her and lead them away from the entrance.

“Yes, yes I am,” She retorted. “I wanted to be hammered and railed but that didn’t work out. The gal had a jealous boyfriend. Who knew?” Nessa giggled as she took Nick’s arm and stumbled alongside him. “Ooh I really want bagels, are there any bagel shops open this hour, you think?”

niklaus vondra.

Nick swallowed down the jealousy, reminding himself he had no right and that he was just coming from one of his ‘friends’ places before getting her. “That lad is probably cheating on the side if he allowed you to flirt with him,” he pointed out and laughed, “Bagels? I highly doubt it.”

Vanessa looked over at Nick and laughed. "No no no, silly. I was hitting on his girlfriend and she flirted right on back and even held my face and called me a goddess but the lad got a bit butt hurt because I might've gotten her a bit flustered," She drunkenly rambled with the brightest smile. "Ugh. I wanted a bagel. What should we go eat, Niklaus?"

niklaus vondra.

”Oh, now that makes more sense, no wonder….” He thought out loud and laughed, “should’ve offered a threesome, a win for all three people.” opening the door and assisting her into the Uber. “We can always grab in and out?”

"It does, doesn't it?" Nessa giggled at the thought for a moment and sighed. "I don't like sharing, that's the issue. I've tried it before, it didn't work out," She shrugged and carefully slid into the Uber. "Hmmm, okay. Burgers sound great right about now, yeah?"

niklaus vondra.

”Really? I find it all the more fun,” he shrugged, but that was most likely due to enjoying the attention on both ends. He often wondered if it was due to his disorder or the fact he craved attention and wanted to try something different. “burgers and fries? Yes.”

"Well, that's 'cos you're you," Nessa poked at Nick's chest with a smirk. She then followed up with, "I just like the attention on me and I know the other person won't give me their full attention. So if it's just me and the other person, I'll command attention easier. Plus...makes the escape easier in the morning." She let out a small sigh and rested her head on Nick's shoulders. "Burgers and fries sound amaaazing! We used to do that all the time, remember?"

niklaus vondra.

Nick laughed, he remembered vaguely of her always wanting attention, especially in the bedroom but he wasn’t about to make that commentary. “Are we going to take a walk down memory lane?” He laughed and asked the driver if he could stop by in and out. He tried to not show affection towards her, to make it easier on both of them, but it was getting hard with her touching him and trusting him.

A giggle bubbled up from Vanessa as she said, "Well why not? I'm drunk and I'm feeling a bit nostalgic on the mention of In N Out. Besides, it's been years since I've last gone." There came the first admission there. Now the logical part of her wanted to sit up straight and shut up and opt to just go home, but between the mixed alcohol and her own emotions, things were bound to spill out of her. "Just humor me for a moment, will you?"

niklaus vondra.

Niklaus shakes his head and slowly caved in, “Fine…but just so you know, once we start bringing up embarrassing memories, I’m out.” He joking said as he pulled out his phone to see messages, ones he didn’t want to look at nor respond too, placing it back into his pocket, Nick glanced over at Nessa.

"I promise, no embarrassing stories, we'd have to mutually be drunk for that one," Nesssa pointed with a knowing grin. "Do you remember..." She began and then hiccuped, "Do you remember when we would sneak out at times just to get ice cream at that one parlour?"

niklaus vondra.

Nick laughed at the memory, “Yeah, I should have known you would be a bad influence,” he teased, “I do remember the sweetness of the ice cream that I don’t think I could eat today.”

"Me? A bad influenceeee? Poppycock! You were the one that convinced me to start sneaking out," Nessa nudged Nick with a cheeky grin. "Wait, really??? D'you lose your sweet tooth?"

niklaus vondra.

He laughed at her, “Oh please, one time and you’re a goner since then.” He shake his head toward, flashing her a lopsided smile and shrugged. “Taste buds change as you get older.”

"One time? Now you're definitely bluffing! You always pitched the sneaking around to get ice cream until I caught on!" She shot a look over towards him. Her own smile matching his lopsided grin...she missed that smile and all she wanted to do was kiss that smile, but luckily, she still had that sense to hold her back. "What do you prefer now?"

niklaus vondra.

”I think it’s a tie between crepes and lemon squares.” He admitted, it was wild to think he once had a sweet tooth and now, now it was like he didn’t care much for it, he placed it on it being an age thing but maybe once she left things just tasted bitter.

“Ooh very Parisian! You’ve got a bit of a tart tongue. I like that.” Nessa giggled as she went to reach for Nick’s hand, mostly to play with his long fingers. Any little detail or thing kept the drunken designer curious. “It’s your turn to say a memory and don’t say you don’t remember ‘cos it’s repressed. None of our experiences together was traumatic—well until the end. That’s definitely a bit fuzzy.”

niklaus vondra.

Nick smiled, “what can I say, if life is going to be bitter, at least make it bittersweet.” He shrugged, at least that was the motto he was going for in the least. As she played with his fingers, he didn’t pull away and allowed her to distract herself but when she asked to mention a memory, he stayed silent. He wanted to play it off, wanted to make some silly joke but knew that would be impossible. “I guess…when we were trying to reach Nicole how to drive and she almost killed us,” he decided to bring up.

“I like that motto,” Nessa beamed excitedly. “Reminds me of that one song…a spoonful of sugar makes the medicine go down. It’s bittersweet,” she nodded in agreement. She continued to play with his fingers, paying attention to every detail. It almost felt like a flashback to years ago. When he spoke again, she looked up to him and she giggled. “Oh bloody hell, that was terrifying. The way she slammed on the brakes and we went lurching forward. I’m surprised the seat belt didn’t strangle us!” She responded incredulously. “I miss those days.”

niklaus vondra.

Nick softly laughed, “Yeah and to think she got her licenses,” he let out a sigh and nodding his head. “They were good memories, but I have hope that one day things can go back to normal or at least everyone make up.”

"Oh my god, right? That's a miracle that she did, but I'm glad she did," Nessa giggled and let out her own sigh. "They were!! Wait really, you do?" She looked over at him. "What makes you so sure?"

niklaus vondra.

”I think at some point you just grow up and learn to forgive what you’ve done in the past. I mean it can be a lot to come to forgiving and I know my sister, she will come around maybe not right now but she will.” Niklaus held hope for Nicole to get over the past, especially after finding out the actual reason and perhaps get on good terms with Vanessa again. He knew that their breakup hurt Nicole a lot and he hated the fact it was because of his selfish reasons.

“Hmmmm, I’d say that makes sense yeah. She’s a bit stubborn but, she’s still got a good heart. It’ll take her a bit…when she’s ready. She knows where to find me so we can cry together,” Nessa pointed out with the most bubbliest giggle. It was a laugh that reminded her of her younger self for a moment but she shook off the thought. “By the way…I do have something to confess ‘cos there was this wild scandal of me and a pregnancy test and bloody hell, everyone thought I was expecting and d’you know what? I wasn’t! Trixie, actually had a pregnancy scare from her ex back in college. The paps spun it to a whole different thing, though.”

niklaus vondra.

Hearing her ramble, he had a soft smile on his face, it felt like old times when she was drunk and he was of course taking care of her. But hearing the confession had him stiffen, he remembered seeing the tabloid and did something completely stupid but he later found out why he made impulsive decisions. “oh…so that’s what that was…here I thought you got knocked up, guess it would’ve been better to ask you than assume.”

Nessa could feel Nick's body freeze up for a moment while she played with his fingers, so carefully, she linked her fingers with his and looked up towards him. She was crossing that line to comfort him. "Nuh-uh. Never ever. My career was just taking off, I couldn't do that, you know? Funny part is, I had just gotten my IUD implanted like days ago and I had to release those forms to the press. That was probably the most violated I ever felt in the spotlight, but you know," She shrugged.

niklaus vondra.

Nick nodded his head, he remembered that night clearly, recalled the tabloid days later and the sense of regret but now he just came to terms with everything. He was fine with being by himself, it was less of a hassle. He wondered if he would ever want a family, he didn’t exactly have the best role models but at least he could be the best uncle. “Tabloids would do that to you…I’m sorry you had to go through that by yourself.”

Nessa didn't bother mentioning the other specifics as to why she had the IUD because of her crazy obsessive ex who tried to anchor her down, she was far too drunk to care about that. However, she didn't see herself much of a motherly figure, especially after practically raising her little brother. The thought of motherhood terrified her...the thought of stopping her career for motherhood was even more terrifying. "They doooo sadlyyyy. Don't worry, I gave them another thing to talk about a week later when I dumped my ex during fashion week. I sound so jaded, I swear!"

niklaus vondra.

Nick couldn’t help but to laugh at her response, it appeared that nothing rarely ever stops her from reaching her full potential each and every time. “I mean, without that passion, you wouldn’t have made it to where you are.” He pointed out, “besides, nothing screams revenge than being successful.”

A giggle bubbled up from her lips and she sighed, “Ah, I’d ‘spose you’re right. All that passion became success and that was my most righteous revenge.” She sighed once more, “It sucks, sometimes. Cos everyone waits for me to fuck up. It adds this immense amount of pressure, you know?…I miss talking about these things with you. Our fears, our hopes, our accomplishments. I have to be bloody drunk to get all of this out of my system ‘cos my sober self would just…put up a wall.”

niklaus vondra.

He realized that he too missed these sort of talks himself, he once tried to hold a conversation like this with his sister but instead it turned more into a lecture. With Vanessa, it was a soothing moment where she didn’t second guess his choices and he didn’t with hers. “It’s okay, sometimes we are too afraid to admit things, alcohol just seems to enjoy bringing all that forth.”

Vanessa nodded in agreement to Nick. “Yes it does. Very much so!! So…I do believe it’s your turn again,” She giggled, wiggling her eyebrows. That was the dynamic she loved and missed between them two. There was no questioning, there was no judgement. There was, instead, encouragement and calm. It was what she missed the most with Nick.

niklaus vondra.

”My turn for what?” He jokingly said before stopping to hear the driver announced they were there to order, “what did you want again?” He asked Vanessa, his window rolled down to place an order.

“Ah ah ah, don’t play coy with me, Niklaus,” Nessa playfully scolded until they arrived to In N Out. “Hmmm I want a hamburger with fries and a sprite, pleaseeee,” she said with the cutest smile.

niklaus vondra.

Nick ordered their order and they went back to waiting in line, “Anyways, do you plan on going back to Paris for that fashion week or did it past? I feel like there’s always fashion week somewhere. Unless I’m just clueless.” He laughed, he knew that it was due to him not being able to stay on one subject for long, he kept the window down to breath in the cool air.

“Perhaps…it’s not until October and you know Santa Monica loves to go all out for Halloween. I’d have to see, but if I doooo, I’ll be sure to take pictures….or you know perhaps sober me will be on better terms with you and we could go,” Nessa drunkenly offered with a smile. “You’re not clueless at all, I’m glad that you keep up!” She beamed excitedly. “Ugh it feels so nice outside. I might fall asleep on the balcony when I make it back home.”

niklaus vondra.

”We are not letting you pass out on the balcony…that’s very dangerous,” he stated very firmly, the thought of her accidentally hurting herself or something worse. “We can leave the window open for you while you rest, I’ll stay until you are sleep talking, how about that?”

Her eyes widened at Nick’s quick assertion and she shrugged. “There’s a futon sofa I always collapse on that’s there, I never go near the edge,” She sighed, knowing there’d be no arguing with him in her state. “Okay, on one condition though. You have to play with my hair like you used to do when I was drunk to help me sleep.”

niklaus vondra.

Nick couldn’t help but to laugh at her demand, “fine, I’ll do just that so you can sleep. But please don’t puke, cleaning up after puke is the worse.” He jokingly stated, lightly caressed her hand in his and lightly patted the back of her hand.

“I won’t, don’t worry. It’s been a very very verryyyy long time since that’s happened. I think when the window opened it would’ve hit,” Nessa giggled. “Why are you so to me after all these years?” she asked as she rested her head on his shoulder again.

niklaus vondra.

Sometimes he wished that he didn’t have to speak, but here she was, asking questions in which he tried to divert everything. He didn’t have it in him to deny her the answers nor had it in him to even be remotely mean to her. “I’m not a complete dick head as to what people seem to believe I am.”

Nessa being Nessa always asked the hard questions whether she was sober or completely drunk off her ass. She wanted to know and dive deeper as to why Nick treated her so well even after all this time. She shook her head and sighed, “Nooo, that’s not what I mean! You’ve always been sweet, despite what anyone says. I just don’t get why now. I’d think you know, you’d hate sober me by now. I mean, well, me. ‘Cos I’m not the little princess I was and you fell for that one…well—“ she paused for a moment and then said, “At least I think you did. I dunno. Nicole said I was delulu about it.”

niklaus vondra.

”Delulu? Are you trying to say delusional?” He asked amused as hell with her drunk talk, the driver drove off once he got the food and he grabbed the bag, handing out food for her and looked at her, “if Nicole said those, you do realize she was just saying that to hurt you, surprised you haven’t noticed since you two were once so close.”

“Yeah! That word!!!” She giggled, shaking her head. Her eyes lit up at the food and she did an excited wiggle when she took the burger and carefully opened it up to take a bite. “I know she did, but I just wanted to know, since you know…we never got to say it. Tragic, innit?” She took another bite of her burger and sighed.

niklaus vondra.

Nick took a piece of fry and chewed on it, “Ness…why do you keep bringing up the past?” He asked, “I thought you moved on?” Maybe he was hoping she moved on, wanted her to not be stuck on him, he was nothing compared to the empire she grew. He had his own demons he had to deal with but it was a never ending battle for himself.

“Because it came back,” Nessa said as she took another bite. She wound up wrapping it back up as the question sank deeper. “I can’t let my past haunt me, so I ask questions so I can sleep at night. Soooo, if this is you’re way of saying you’ve moved on, then you know, we can be done with it and I can walk home,” She responded rather stubbornly. At this point, she wasn’t sure if she’d make it home walking but, the question stung. “I have moved on. Multiple times. Neither of them worked out as you can see. Thanks for the bloody reminder,” she huffed.

niklaus vondra.

He knew he should have kept his mouth shut but seeing her acting like this, it made him realize that they both were hurting. Just finding ways to cope differently, but almost similar. “I’m not saying it to get you feeling guilty or anything, it’s just…every time I see you intoxicated, you bring up the past. I don’t want to see you stuck in the past…as for you doing things multiple times…it just means you have shit taste in people.”

The logical side of Nessa knew two things, one, both of them were experiencing a nostalgic type of hurt and two, he was right. And even then, the drunk and incredibly stubborn side of her couldn’t see reason. “Because I’m drunk, Niklaus and the only thing I remember from us, is the past we have no present! So excuse meee for getting nostalgic but I’m not bound to the past,” She spat out. At his next comment she could feel the tears burning her eyes. It was true…but it didn’t hurt any less. She got quiet afterwards and unlinked their hands to wipe the tears that began falling. “Just drop me off here. I’ll walk. I don’t care how far I am, I’ll walk until I make it home. I’ll figure it out, I always do.”

niklaus vondra.

Nick silently cursed, the driver meeting his eyes in the review mirror, in which he shook his head as looked outside to see they were getting close to her place. “I’m not letting you walk home alone, especially at night.” He stated firmly, maybe he was stubborn but he would be stricken with worry of the idea something happening to Vanessa.

Nessa simply glared at Nick through her tears and didn’t say another word. She simply turned her body towards her own window. The drunken angry tears just kept coming and she kept sitting there stubbornly wiping them away and trying to even out her breathing. Sure, she was acting like her typical drunken primadonna self, but what he said really did hurt.

niklaus vondra.

Nick felt his high leave, and felt sobriety kicking in, in which something he wished he didn’t have to feel. But he did feel guilty for snapping at her like that, seeing her wipe away her tears stubbornly, Nick sighed as he placed all the food back into the bag and felt the car stop. He muttered thanks to the driver and go out to follow after Vanessa when he knew fully well she would tell him to leave her alone.

As soon as the car came to a stop and she heard the car doors unlock, Nessa stumbled out of the car and to her penthouse building as she continued wiping tears and stifling her sobs as she took a hold of the door. She could hear Nick’s footsteps behind her. She gripped onto the door handle mostly to hold her balance as she sobbed out loud now. “Leave me alone!” She could feel the anger rising in her chest, “It wasn’t my fault that you all pretended to love me!” She turned around, the anger and hurt apparent in her eyes as the purple stained tears continued to fall. “I’m put together again. I’m not broken. Yeah, I wanted to know why you hurt me and yet, you do it again! What did I ever do to you?!” She asked, stumbling towards him and poking at his chest. “I did nothing to you! I did nothing!!!”

niklaus vondra.

Nick held onto the food, he allowed her to lash out at him, he knew that she needed to get this off her chest. Yet he also knew, no he wanted her to hate him, maybe some part of him thinks he deserves it. He was the one to ask the questions, piss on her effort to fix things between them. So many maybes running through his head. “Did I say you were broken Vanessa? Fuck sakes, I just asked a simple question because you kept bringing up memories—which exactly what they were—memories.” His voice raising as he matched the same energy with her, Niklaus could feel those emotions he struggled to keep back, but seeing her like this…accusing him of not loving her, it pained him. “I moved on—I thought ‘oh we can be friends, it won’t hurt anyone’ but clearly we can’t even do that!”

Vanessa shook her head, "No, you said I just picked shitty people and I didn't pick to be heartbroken so many times! I never chose that, I never wanted that. You asked a simple question and I gave you a simple little answer and that was because that's all we have! We don't have anything else but memories!" She could feel her voice going hoarse from yelling, or was it from the crying, or maybe the alcohol. She couldn't remember, but all she could feel was this immense amount of anger. This is why she couldn't get drunk...she was far too vulnerable. "You can't be friends with people you hurt until you can be brave enough to face that you've hurt them and you can't even do that! You just fucking run!" She echoed right on back. She was going to make another statement until she felt her mouth water and she took a breath turned around, walked a few steps, towards the bushes, and puked.

niklaus vondra.

He was about to say something back when he saw her run off and the sound of puking made him wince. He knew that was going to kick her in the ass tomorrow. Sighing as he walked over towards her and set the bag down beside him and grabbed her hair, while rubbing her back with the other hand. “Vanessa, let me get you inside.”

All it took was emotions for her to get sick, how lovely, she thought to herself. She was just lucky enough to not have done it in front of Nick or on her outfit, at least. Even then just as she finished, she felt a hand take her hair to hold it back from it getting gross and a soothing back rub. As much as Vanessa wanted to protest stubbornly, she sighed. "Okay...fine," She said hoarsely as she lifted her head up pitifully and carefully reached over to the bag to grab a napkin to wipe her chin with a saddened look.

niklaus vondra.

He felt a small smile appear on his face at her defeat, he nodded his head and helped her up, walking them toward inside. “Okay, c’mon…”he said softly, his voice almost a whisper but deep enough, Niklaus could feel the urge to comfort her but the idea of taking advantage of her under the influence didn’t sit right with him. But he knew he wouldn’t be able too when sober. Once they reached inside, he helped her toward her bedroom, setting the bag onto the counter.

Nessa followed Nick inside, holding onto him to steady herself and keep herself from falling. It was a struggle, but she would make it there soon. It was a strange comfort knowing Nick was still there despite hurting each other’s feelings just moment ago. Once they made it inside her apartment and to her bedroom, she sprawled across the bed. “Thank you…” she muttered.

niklaus vondra.

He chuckled as he took her shoes off and nodded his head, “I wasn’t going to let you stay passed out in the streets, I’m not a complete dickhead.” He said and placed the shoes down nearby, helping her get comfortable before grabbing a trash bin and set it beside the bed. He got up to go into the kitchen to grab water and a bottle of pain meds before sitting down at the edge and pat her leg. “Okay, you should be set for the morning, garbage near you and water right on the night stand along with meds.”

Vanessa let out a rather dry chuckle and shook her head tiredly, "You could have and I wouldn't have blamed you." She watched Nick from taking off her shoes and getting the pain meds for her and water, and it didn't click to her as to why he was so nice to her, even after hurting her...even after she hurt him. She didn't say anything at first when he came back and told her the game plan, she just gazed at him, blinking slowly. She wanted to bring up the hair thing, but finally the sober part of her held her tongue in that aspect, which made the drunk part of her tear up again. She quietly nodded and curled up towards her blankets and turned away from him.

niklaus vondra.

He watched her turn away from him, a small sigh escaped his lips, he tried to say something—anything to make the matters less terrible then where they were at now. But words were said and he was at his limit from becoming a complete douche. “Feel better in the morning,” he said softly and stood up from the mattress, grabbing the food from the counter to place in the fridge.

There was a moment where part of her wanted to tell him to wait, but the other part wanted to tell him to fuck off. She was caught in between the two, but managed to softly mumble out a "thank you", as she sniffled lightly, making it clear she was still upset...but holding on strongly to her pride.

[beowulfs-booty-call]

Beowulf for the character list!

Ohhhh gosh Jordi! How are ya pal!!! (I still have to finish the other ask you gave me! I’m making it super long and detailed just for you!)

AND GOD YES, THE FAVE BABE OKAY HERE GOES

Favorite thing about them:

Beowulf’s motif and his huge ass muscles because they’re goals. Also, the wolf pelt, definitely. Oh! Oh! And his happy-go-lucky attitude because my ass be having it too omfg.

His bravery is another thing, tbh, because he just straight up tells everyone on tv that his match was rigged because he knows he’s not really a hero. He’s the people’s hero. That was the reason in the first place why he got famous! To go in front of people and explain the situation knowing full well you might get back? That takes guts.

Least favorite thing about them:

The “Wrestler Bro” attitude sometimes. It’s fine, but the dudes at Lab Zero gave him a split “Does he think wrestling is real or…?” and “He says things you don’t expect in whispers.” in fights and it’s a wasted Easter egg Imo. The game makes him act and behave as though he’s rather dim-witted, which, cool because he’s a simple guy, but they also shoehorned Annie in to save his butt time to time and I dislike the sort of relationship they gave them both. 

It’s also been said behind the scenes Beowulf did take part of the nationalistic effort in the war. Now, granted, if that was the case? Why didn’t they expand upon this? If he was a soldier, I feel he should obviously be referenced too, if not, as it already seems Parasoul knew he was merely a political pawn, I feel Beowulf’s love of the Canopy Kingdom really should have been broadened on because it’s bad writing Imo that they left out these things in favor of highlighting Annie in his story mode.

Personally in my essay I wrote, I really am big on the Annie inclusion, but I feel that it took away from Beowulf’s true personality and potential. Why add in Beowulf being saved by Annie, if he was meant to destroy Grendel anyway via suplex? I feel if such was the case, have Annie take on Double in the first place after she swallows Beowulf into Gehenna and he takes on Marie Ala Squigly and Filia.

That said, the dimwittedness is rather bland to me. It’s obvious Beowulf’s intellect shouldn’t be the brunt of the joke, and the fanbase was even worse with his treatment, outright ignoring him or treating him as the butt-monkey of the cast because Annie or Minette wasn’t voted in and it really does tick me off. We could have really shown how Beowulf was obviously using the wrestler persona to grieve for Grendel. We really could have had Beowulf figuring out just how big the Medici Mafia is and him going after those who wronged him after beating Marie. 

We really lost out. And that’s my biggest pet peeve.

Favorite line:

I am two hundred, eighty seven pounds of FOLDED STEEL, AND SEX APPEAL.

brOTP:

Beowulf and Adam

Beowulf and Big Band (After their fighting in the story mode and I imagine him coming back to right wrongs)

Beowulf and Annie (I feel like she should have been much more better friends with him. And of course I feel like she’d be so goddamn dirty with him in making censored jokes because he GETS it but he... He can’t man. The kid’s got him. And he can't curse because how would that look!!! You can't call out a kid who referenced how your ex was “all up on your blood sausage.”!

OTP:

Beowulf and Me aofhiefsjfa[

I’m actually okay with Beowulf and Ms. Victoria actually! I think they’d be so cute together, if anything because I use to think of me and my ex like that, hilariously enough. I.E: Beo is the sort of guy who would waste like 50$ on you at a carnival because he wants to get you the huge ass prize, but then on his last dollar, you take the shot, win it, and you give it to him and his eyes literally are just hearts.

nOTP:

Beowulf and Eliza (Realistically, she’s only gonna use him for his blood to get stronger. I feel like if anything, there’s nothing left of Eliza. So, at this point, you’re dealing with a real monster.)

Beowulf and any underage cast member - I mean C’mon. Really.

Beowulf and Annie - See above

random headcanon(s)

- Beowulf actually is really literate, and writes poetry time to time. However, no one would pay to see him go “To be or not to be… SUPLEXED”

- He likes to wear suede and you can find him walking and going about in his scarf and puffy jacket drinking hot tea and lattes because just loves winter months

- The Hurting actually is a sentient being and was given to Beowulf via his old sleazy manager Unferth (In the original tale, Unferth gives Beowulf the Hrunting, but beowulf is so strong, he breaks it.) yet it stays strong to this day. When Beowulf is alone, or when he’s really in a pinch, the Hurting opens up its maws and has long sharp fangs and monstrous tongue used to grapple opponents. Only Beowulf speaking to it can calm it down and turn back to an original chair. No one realizes a thing.

- Grendel’s arm hears EVERYTHING beowulf says, as Grendel is still alive through the arm. However, all it hears is Beowulf screaming his quotes so instead of coherent sentences its: “ALL’S CHAIR. RUNNING WILD. AWOO. I AM TWO HUNDRED–”

- Beowulf actually is a secret musical / Opera critic and is a big benefactor of the arts. He also shouts insults and screams very helpful messages to the actors. 

- When out of a job, Beowulf once took up a librarian job working in Filia’s school. Cue Ms. Victoria having to attend to students and him riding on the Janitor mobile and D. Violet secretly having a crush on him. He also bench pressed many a book case. I would know. I was one of the book cases. The kids later were the first ones to see him back in action with Ms. Victoria after he got back in the game, and they gave him a crude letter to him about being a hero and boy oh boy do I love Beowulf being kids’ hero like he was to me.

Unpopular opinion:

As the only male dude besides Big Band I feel he was purposefully thrown under the bus and really, there’s not enough porn or love for him. Much less, everyone seems to have like 2 intro animations, Beo has 1. I call favoritism but, anyway:

I think he doesn’t need a paring to shine as a hero. I think he needs to be shown more so people can realize just how awesome he really is, not with Annie saving his butt all the time so he can tout about wrestling being real.

Had he not shown up, we only would know about him via Peacock’s story mode with Andy Anvil saying he came out of retirement.

Give him love! He’s earned it!

And also like, I think he is as smart, if not, smarter than the rest of the cast, he just hides it under a veneer of being a pro wrestler. No one pays for WWE style entertainment in new meridian, they want real emotion, and that’s what Beowulf’s so used to. Because of that, he whispers and talks about things, but when you really think about them, they all have some meaning behind them, like when he calls Eliza the Crimson Scourge. I hate the idea that people think he’s a dumb dude because he’s not. Y’all just sleeping on a good character.

Song(s) i associate with them:

Space Jam’s Let’s Get Ready to Rumble

Dudley’s remix: Dudley Blew My Mind

Alex and Ken’s theme from Street Fighter 3: Third Strike

Major Lazer and Ariana Grande - All My Love

Because he liked 80′s songs and because I love funk music:

Bite the Apple - Rainbow Team

The Limit: She’s so Divine (In this case, he: “When I got here in July…”)

Let’s Get Physical: Olivia Newton AKA SIDE TO SIDE BEFORE IT WAS EVER SIDE TO SIDE

Reminder: I gotta draw him in that outfit afjnlsfgs

Also!!!

Side to Side + Let’s Get Physical MIX:

Dua Lipa: New Rules 80′S MIX (Totally something he’d listen to for the gym)

favorite picture of them

Wow it’s super nsfw but I’ll crop it for the benefit of all.

Here’s my fave sprites too

Look at him, majestic creature, no?

BICEP GRAB

Ass a palooza

And finally…

( I don’t recall the source rn for this pic, but I’ll be sure to update it asap when I get a chance!)

[sandcastles-hedestroys]

1-70 I want to know it all in great detail

I see, the key to getting asks is to passive-aggressively tag your friends.

01: Do you have a good relationship with your parents?

Anyone who has ever known me in real life knows I absolutely do not. I have an alcoholic, compulsive liar for a mother and an absent father, plus some grandparents who are so convinced that they are my actual parents that they would probably kick me out if they learned I refer to them as my grandparents. Fun times.

02: Who did you last say “I love you” to?

Either my dog or yours lol. I don’t like telling people I love them. That’s something to be shown through your actions, otherwise the word loses its meaning. 

03: Do you regret anything?

I don’t even know where to start with this one. I’ve regretted basically every major decision I’ve made, and I probably shouldn’t be allowed to think for myself. If I had to name a few things that I regret right now, I would say I regret spending my spring break being so bitter. I really did have a good time, but I would have enjoyed myself more if I hadn’t tried to make it about me. My other big regret at the moment is cancelling my campus residence app. I screwed myself out of a guaranteed place and now I’m stuck with a bunch of drama and uncertainty. Also, there’s a friend that I’ve had for years and there were times when I was pretty horrible to her and she stuck with me despite it. I wish I had been mature enough at the time to be the person she needed in her life, instead of causing drama.

04: Are you insecure?

Extremely. I have a lot of insecurities about my body, mostly my face and hair, but a lot of my family in underweight and it was kind of instilled in me, that to be attractive I had to be underweight, like I remember when I started high school I made it a goal to stay below 110lbs until after graduation. I was still growing so that goal was as unrealistic as it was unhealthy. I’ve struggled with disordered eating since I was like 12. Other than that I can be really insecure about asking for the things I want and need. One of my biggest fears is people seeing me as selfish.

05: What is your relationship status?

I’m a single Pringle! I was in a relationship for a few months, but I got dumped because I consistently put my friends before her, which is funny because I’m in the middle of some conflicts with friends over not talking with them enough. I’ve been on a few dates and stuff since then, but I’m in a bad place right now mental health wise, so being single is probably for the best rn. 

06: How do you want to die?

This is kind of dark, but I don’t really care how I die as long as I’m in control of how it happens. If there’s a really wild and interesting story involved that would be even better. 

07: What did you last eat?

I’m munching on some green chili peanuts with a crap ton of Diet Coke. I’m at home right now so I’ve been eating way more than usual.

08: Played any sports?

I used to do ballet, gymnastics, contemporary and jazz, as well as various ballroom dances. I’ve blocked most of it out and lost a lot of my flexibility, but I would love to return to ballet at some point. I miss gymnastics too, but I’m too tall for it lol.

09: Do you bite your nails?

I’ve always been weirdly prideful of my nails and the thought of biting them has always freaked me out, like my nails are my babies. Keeping them nice is a big deal to me so my chompers can stay the hell away lmao

10: When was your last physical fight?

I’ve never actually been in a physical fight. The closest encounters were last semester, when my old roommate got a concussion from a crazy person that used to live with us, and a few years ago when I let a friend slap me.

11: Do you like someone?

I’m assuming this means like like. I’m not super interested in dating right now, but there have been people that have sparked my interest recently.

12: Have you ever stayed up 48 hours?

I am smol and weak. My fragile shell of a body would actually start to disintegrate if I tried this. I’ve only made it to 24hrs once and my body like completely shut down.

13: Do you hate anyone at the moment?

I don’t like using the word hate for the same reasons I don’t like using the word love. There are people that I will not associate myself with and there are people in my life that I don’t feel any positive emotions towards, but there isn’t anyone that I could comfortably say I hate. 

14: Do you miss someone?

There are a lot of people from my life a few years back that I really miss, but I have to remind myself that I was a different person then, and some bonds are meant to be broken. I also really miss a lot of the friends I have at school. I take them for granted until we’re apart and then I feel all hallow, like part of me left too and that really sucks.

15: Have any pets?

I have a Chihuahua-weiner mix. He’s super old and he doesn’t have a tail and his name is Bob. He’s great. My aunt’s dog is basically my dog too, and he’s a pit mix. His name is Chester and he is actually a giant teddy bear. My friends have a doggo too, her name is Gwen and I am her aunt. She is the most talented and amazing fluffer who deserves the world.

16: How exactly are you feeling at the moment?

I’m at that weirdly numb point right now where emotions are like a foreign concept to me. I’ve been super stressed and I have a lot of pretty serious decisions at the back of my mind that I can do nothing about at the moment. I’m super behind on my schoolwork and with all this stress, I know I can’t catch up. It’s super frustrating and there’s been a lot of drama amongst my friend group, making me feel like I can’t really trust anyone in my life right now. My age has been preventing me from doing so much recently and since my birthday is around the corner, even the people who claim to understand have been super condescending about my anger over it. There have also been a lot of deaths recently in the city where I go to school, and I’ve learned that death is a bit of a trigger for me, so that hasn’t been fun. I feel like I’m one serious breakdown from being there myself and that’s super scary. 

17: Ever made out in the bathroom?

Somehow, no.

18: Are you scared of spiders?

When I was little I was really afraid of spiders and would go out of my way to have them killed. I had intense breakdowns whenever I thought a web touched me. Now, I regret having hurt innocent creatures and I think spiders are really cool. Leave the land crabs alone!

19: Would you go back in time if you were given the chance?

Yeah, knowing what I know now, I think that it would be cool to try and get myself to the point where I am now, but without a lot of the drama.

20: Where was the last place you snogged someone?

My dorm room lol. 

21: What are your plans for this weekend?

I’m taking a greyhound back to my college town on Saturday, and Sunday I’m returning to my normal schedule. I’m not looking forward to that eight hour bus ride.

22: Do you want to have kids? How many?

I’m kind of a lone wolf, and I really want to travel so kinds aren’t really in the picture, at least not until I’ve gotten my doctorate. Even then I would either adopt or use a donor, and I wouldn’t have more than two. 

23: Do you have piercings? How many?

Right now only my ears are pierced, but I plan on getting my septum done in May, followed by a double medusa. I also really want dimples and a brow done. Eventually I’d do my nipples and stomach as well.

24: What is/are/were your best subject(s)?

I’ve always been geared toward the liberal arts. I love all things involving art, history, and languages. I low-key have always enjoyed math too. I’m working on my bachelors in comparative cultural studies with minors in queer studies and museum studies. I want to carry that on to a masters in gender studies and a phd in Buddhist art. After that I’d like to go back to school fo economics and eventually obtain a masters in economic history.

25: Do you miss anyone from your past?

I miss people from my past when I’m unsatisfied with the people currently in my life. I have to remind myself that they aren’t around anymore for a reason and that it’s more important to work on the relationships that are relevant. Dwelling on the past does more harm than good. 

26: What are you craving right now?

Some love and affection? I’m not craving anything really. I could just use some peace and quiet.

27: Have you ever broken someone’s heart?

Yes. I’ve broken an ex’s heart when I ended the relationship. I was unhappy, to the point where I cheated. This was also the point when I started to question if I was actually a lesbian. I dumped him and never told him why. I broke my friend’s heart when I led her on, but then rejected her because I was in love with someone else (who did something similar to me). I broke my aunt’s heart when I told her I felt like I don’t have a family. I broke my biological mother’s heart when I made it clear that I didn’t want her in my life. I’m pretty good at the whole hurting others thing. 

28: Have you ever been cheated on?

It’s very possible, but if someone did, they never told me.

29: Have you made a boyfriend/girlfriend cry?

I can’t name a specific time, but I’m sure it’s happened.

30: What’s irritating you right now?

What isn’t irritating me right now? Oh my god. 

31: Does somebody love you?

I’ve had a lot of people tell me they do, but I have a hard time feeling it most of the time.

32: What is your favourite color?

I love every color, and I don’t like making colors feel left out, so my favorite changes a lot. Right now it’s yellow, because yellow is a bright, warm, happy color. I also really like pink. The pastels of both of those are 10/10

33: Do you have trust issues?

I legit don’t even trust myself. The only person I honestly trust 100% is my aunt. I have really bad trust issues, but I also overshare a ton. My life is a cycle of sharing my life story and then panicking. 

34: Who/what was your last dream about?

The other night I went to sleep while drunk and I had this wild dream where I met someone, learned his whole life story, flirted and eventually fell in love with him, came out to him, saying I’m not sexually attracted to guys (he came out as ace too so it was perf), and then he was hit by a car, causing irreparable brain damage. I woke up right after, but that dream will haunt me.

35: Who was the last person you cried in front of?

My aunt. I was updating her on my life in college, and it’s been less than ideal.

36: Do you give out second chances too easily?

I’m a huge believer of forgive but don’t forget. I used to be so bad about grudges that I would be angry even after forgetting what I was upset about. I guess I have the opposite issue here.

37: Is it easier to forgive or forget?

Forgive. Like I said above, I might forgive you, but knowing what someone did before will always leaving me searching for instances of them doing it again. Trust issues who?

38: Is this year the best year of your life?

It’s only March and I already know that it will be one of the worst years of my life. Ugh.

39: How old were you when you had your first kiss?

I think I was thirteen. I didn’t know how I felt about guys at the time and I almost puked in that poor dude’s mouth. 

40: Have you ever walked outside completely naked?

I have, and it was terrifying. Midday skinny dipping wasn’t one of my greatest ideas.

51: Favourite food?

Avocado on toast with a poached egg on top, muffuletta, yellow curry, and eggs benedict are my top ones.

52: Do you believe everything happens for a reason?

Absolutely. I didn’t really believe this until my roommate’s big fight last year. So much happened in one night, that wouldn’t have happened if we had done things even a second later. It was wild, but it was like there was so much pent up negative energy that the universe needed to release, and it found a way to make that happen.

53: What is the last thing you did before you went to bed last night?

I put some food away.

54: Is cheating ever okay?

The thing about cheating is that it’s when you go out of your way to do something with someone else when you know it would hurt your current partner. It’s something that happens when you aren’t happy in your relationship, and in a lot of cases it can be a cry for help. It is hurtful and a sign that a relationship isn’t meant to be, but cheaters shouldn’t always be villainized.

55: Are you mean?

I can be, but I try not to.

56: How many people have you fist fought?

None, lol

57: Do you believe in true love?

Not really. There are so many people that we have things in common with or who exist on the same wavelength. We might find someone that makes us happy for a long while, but nothing is permanent.

58: Favourite weather?

I love hot, sunny days when you can leave windows open, wear shorts, and only drink things with ice. 

59: Do you like the snow?

I lived in Alaska for over nine years before moving to the Sonoran desert. I moved to Northern Arizona for school, and when I saw snow again, it was as an adult who only saw the negative aspects of it. I hate being cold.

60: Do you wanna get married?

I don’t see myself ever being married. I would have to really love someone if I were to actually settle down and start a life with them. Right now I really only see it as something that would tie me down.

61: Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you baby?

I honestly hate baby as a pet name. It freaks me out. The only pet names I find cute are the unusual ones, like once when an ex accidentally called me cornbread.

62: What makes you happy?

Getting my nails done, binging my favorite show (Archer), travel, doggos, wandering around in stores with my music blasting so I can feel like I’m somewhere away from my problems, seeing people impressed with food I made, completing a project and being proud of my work, etc.

63: Would you change your name?

I hate my birth name, but I’m also afraid I’ve been conditioned to feel that way by my grandparents as a way to attack my bio mom. Because of that, I’ve been going by my middle name and various nicknames. Most people close to me call me Abby, but my favorite thing is to be called Lynn. I’m pretty hesitant to legally change it though.

64: Would it be hard to kiss the last person you kissed?

Yeah, the last person I kissed kinda sexually assaulted me, and I’d like to avoid that.

65: Your best friend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?

Reject them as nicely as possible. Dating would be bad for me right now, and I’m pretty sure I’m not sexually attracted to men.

66: Do you have a friend of the opposite sex who you can act your complete self around?

I don’t think I have a best friend, period. I don’t think I’m entirely myself around anyone through. Different people will bring out different parts of my personality.

67: Who was the last person of the opposite sex you talked to?

Not sure tbh. 

68: Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with?

My aunt. The conversation we had about my life at school was pretty emotional.

69: Do you believe in soulmates?

No, for the same reason I don’t believe in true love. Life is too impermanent for there to be someone our soul fits with perfectly. There is too much change for something to be predetermined like that. 

70: Is there anyone you would die for? 

Anyone who has ever been somewhat nice too me. Honestly though I would be willing to die for a lot of people. The thought of anyone else having to suffer really sucks and if I can save them from that, I would.

[raveins]

okay wowz i’m really excited for rae she’s like a mix between on of my faves and jonah nd like... it’s finally the perfect mix i have sm muse rn!!! like this if u wanna be savage n plot!!!!!!!!

dis bitch has had ..... quite the life

she’s a california girl, it’s always been just her mum nd her sib and her. her mum isn’t rly the best she could be worse. she was pretty absent nd struggled with addiction and was involved with a p bad group of ppl who liked 2 do illegal thangs

it gave her a lil bit of a weird personality where she’s p paradoxical like.... she’s got a loud mouth but also is an introvert, she’s very maternal from being the silent head of the fam but she doesn’t like to show tha

honestly the way hre mum was mad her super starved for attention

she was p much a fuck girl in high school, like the fem stereotype version where she’s really mysterious and edgy and she ate u up and spit u out nd u’d be like.....wow thanks........ nd she loved that like she lovs that power in her hands  

she’s still like that tbh

she is very righteous tho..... but like also while complaining about doing the right thing.... kinda like jesica jones tbh ... that’s who she reminds me of

@ 17 she got involved with this dude from the group of ppl her mom was “friendS” with nd it was like ,,, nothing big yet actually

that same year when she was almost graduated she found her mom dead bc of OD  so that fucked her up like a lot................ it made her scared to feel for ppl it made her scared 2 trust ppl

some stuff happened....... some secret stuff ;))))))))

n e ways, this is one dramatic bitch -- she’s a real big drama queen nd everything always revolves around her

ya she’s pretty vain but like............. somewhat discretely? somewhat not?

she’s so fckn wild!!!!! like literally at the drop of a hat she’s ready 2 go and rob a bank! im not joking she’s sO MUCH fun like she’s one of those wild ppl who brings out the best in everyone even tho she brings out the worst sometimes 2

she’s so extra gdhkjghkf like i said she’s a drama queen nd rly petty but she’s one of those ppl where it’s like ,,, that’s just how she is nd it’s like... fun almost ppl just blink nd got “YUP THAT’S RAVE FOR YA!”

she’s like crazy insaneLY smart like she coulda skipped grades if she wants to nd one day she’s def going to make a crazeeee huge scientific breakthru and everyone will have seen it coming

lives 4 girl power and (no correlation 2 girl power) loves to breaks mens hearts which she does frequently on purpose but she would never break a girl’s heart on purpose girls r amazing nd are art nd they’re all holy 2 her

she’s rly like..... deep..... like she writes poetry nd it’s some hozier, fka level shit

LIVEssss for drama omg, she has receipts on a million people nd is always in the know and will start shit if she’s bored she was to be bernard burns bff

she’s so snarky of my gof hjkgkhk like she’s such a little firecracker she knows she’s the shit i love ha

she thrives off attention but is rly an introvert i swear she’ s just like that bc her mom fucked her upppppp, she def gets along best with other ppl who r introverted a bit like not only them but she does have a soft spot for those types bc she’s like wow my ppl

likes to pretend she’s a rock that can take anything but uhhhhhhhhhhh she’s a baby that only cries in the shower so she can pretend it’s just water

um when she came here she transfered her 2nd yr bc of some stuff nd like she was kinda the mysterious gal again bc she came with like.... not a new identity but coming here was kinda like a new life for her nd she doesn’t rly talk abt her old life with any details that r too intimate so ya it’s kinda like hm.... fishy

she is rick from rick nd morty that will be her in 40 yrs

ummm she had a gf back when she first started here but like she was into the partying quite a lot nd it was a p messy emo relationship as much as they loved each other nd she was into the Drugs a bit too much nd it made rae nervous but she just couldnt let her go but one day she had to bring her to the hospital which led to a v emotional breakup nd she’s so scared to love again :((((((

um she loves to play pranks and act like a child even tho she also sometimes has her head so far up her own ass so watch out for prank master raven here

she’s like a big fckn health nut nd is super into whole foods shit and post yoga vids on insta

um can’t keep her nose to herself like she want 2 know everything so when this murder shit starts up again she about to go full nancy drew

she just needs love nd stuff idk come plot wt me :(((((

um quick plot ideas???  u  can also ref HERE 

she needs a roommate ( u’d get 2 know her secret ;))) ) she also has 2 cats btw, i’m open to there being 1 more dogo or cat 2

ppl who’s hearts she broke oh my gOD PLEATHE

um a crush who she can pine for nd write cute poems about

workout parner who she puts thru agony but they love it

literally bff soulmates who just chill nd are amazing 2gether

secret cruhes bc their goooood friends nd things get emo 

someone who knew her from her old life :O 

the Big ex girlfriend who made her scared to love agin :OOOO

arch nemesis but it’d be funny if like they didn’t even remember why they hate each other they just hav e hate

um fwb but like enemies ntot pals bc that’s fwb but.... better

um someone she actually talks to abt her feels this would be such a cute emo friendship

[writcrinthedark]

The Spoils of War: Thoughts on the episode

Y’ALL. I AIN’T EVEN BREATHING RN WHAT IS THIS OHMYGOD DRAGONS!!! I MEAN JUST DROGON BUT OK AND DANY!! IN BATTLE!! BITCH!!! ARYA FIGHTING BRIENNE!!!! TWO!!! TWO (2) STARK REUNIONS IN ONE EPISODE. I HAVE BEEN B L E S S E D BY THIS EPISODE. MY CROPS ARE WATERED, MY SKIN IS CLEAR, AND MY HUSBAND IS BACK FROM THE  WAR. Y’ALL STRAP IN FOR THIS WILD RIDE WITH LOTS OF CAPS LOCK

SPOILERS BELOW THE CUT YO!

First of, we get the creepy creep creeping creepily around Winterfell. We all know there is only one person who requires this many creeps. I love how he was trying to turn Bran to his side with his sweet talk and Lord Stark this Lord Stark that, then Bran ’404 Emotion not found’ Stark just went “chaos is a ladder” on him. Which is, of course, part of his long spiel in the throne room some seasons ago about his ambitions. He is understandably creeped out. How does it feel being on the receiving end, Baelish? Maybe now you’ll stop whispering weird shit in poor Sansa’s ear.

ARYA!!! HOME!!! IN WINTERFELL!!! REUNITING WITH SANSA IN FRONT OF NED STARK’S CRYPT!! dude. the significance of this i cannot even?? they’ve come full circle. ned used to try to get arya and sansa to stop fighting by saying that line we heard in the trailer:

“When the snows fall and the white winds blow, the lone wolf dies but the pack survives.”

And here they are, living that truth, in front of his grave. Can somebody?? please??? scream with me?? And it was a little awkward and a lot perfect and dude. Wow. Mentioning the kill list and having Sansa laugh is a nice touch at how long the Starks have been separated. Arya’s reunion with Bran is !!!!! like she got a sweet new Valyrian steel dagger but good ol’ Bran is still channeling the Terminator, if the Terminator was psychic. It makes me so sad that Bran would never be the same again. None of the characters ever will be, but Bran more than most. He didn’t even acknowledge Meera much when she left, and that is incredibly telling. Gods, I’m getting so emotional over this.

I’m glad Arya and everyone else agrees with me that command suits Sansa. I really like the sound of Lady Stark, and how you can see both Ned and Catelyn in her in both appearance and demeanor. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: Sansa has one of the best character arcs in the entire series full of good character arcs, given that it didn’t kill off that character prematurely.

The Arya sparring with Brienne scene made me live like 50 years longer than my life span. The joy on her face. The confusion and pride and mix of emotions that played out on Sansa’s face. Littlefinger nodding to Arya, which makes me beyond nervous. I imagine that Arya would want Sansa’s approval, having been so long without family and the lack of Jon at this moment. Speaking of, that is the only Stark reunion left we’ve yet to see, and I know it would be the best one yet. Sansa acknowledged it herself. I just really, really, really want to see Arya and Jon’s reunion. Please just give it to me, Thrones. Don’t deprive me any longer.

The subtle Jonerys nod in the scenes on Dragonstone, though. The knowing looks Missandei gives Dany, Davos teasing Jon, like dude, give it allll to me. I cannot even handle. This aside though, Dany’s persistence that Jon bends the knee is understandable but like, girl, just let him have the North. What would you even do with it?? You’ve both come so far to be here. But hey, I totally get where they are both coming from. It’s exactly the fact that Dany has come so far to be here that she demands complete loyalty from Jon. She has been betrayed before, so she is understandably wary. Asking her to lay off would be a little unrealistic of us and Thrones knows it.

ThE SEXUAL TENSION IN THAT CAVE THO!! THEY KEEP!! STARING!! AT EACH OTHER!!! I SEE Y’ALL!!!! JUST THERE!!! HOPING NO ONE NOTICES!!!!

That’s all I’m gonna say about it. I’m scared I’ll go on a long spiel that will make everyone lose interest in this post. If anyone ever feels like fangirling with me, just message me and I swear I can keep on going forever.

But hey, Dany made that nod to the theory I had last week. Mentioning the enemies as Tyrion’s family. It’s a bit harsh of her to put him on the spot like that, but wow, I love it when Dany loses her temper. It hints just enough that she isn’t as perfect as we hoped she would be. (To me she kinda still is, since the following scene of her actually riding Drogon to war just made me go !!!! inside)  

Now, for That Battle ™. Guys. I don’t have any words to say except that this is the first time in seven seasons we’ve seen a fully grown dragon in action. I had zero pity watching Lannister men burn. Cersei might have drawn first blood in this war, but goddamn Dany has gone for the kill. You can see that she has ridden all this way out to the Reach with blood on her mind. Tyrion watching, concerned, on the sidelines is a nice flip on the trope that women are always wringing their hands while men go to war.

Consider how significant this battle could be in the war: Jaime is either captured (again) or killed (highly unlikely), all of that Tyrell gold is gone in the flames, Dany now realizes how mortal her dragons actually are. This could easily be the best battle scene in the series, except I harbor a special fondness in my heart for Hardhome and the Battle of the Bastards.

Here I’ll add another section: what I think based on the preview of Episode 5. Varys telling Tyrion that they need a way to make Dany listen to them is feeding even more fuel to the fires of the Mad Queen Dany theory rampaging through Reddit lately. I’ve always loved Dany’s conviction and confidence and the strong need to exact vengeance, which has been with her since the finale of Season1, but what happens when these qualities turn against her and turn her into Cersei? Even Tyrion is starting to look concerned. If Tyrion betrays her, I think that will be her last straw.

(I really hope that doesn’t happen. I love Tyrion and he’s in my Top Five, but what will happen to him if he betrays Dany???)

Dany on Drogon, Drogon screeching at Jon?? NOT GOOD. I’LL START PRAYING RIGHT NOW FOR MY SON AND MY SOUL’S SURVIVAL. PLEASE GOD LET THINGS GO MY WAY FOR ONCE.

Right, I’ll leave you guys now with this. Season 7 just keeps getting better and better. Can you believe there are only 3 episodes left until we’re all back to the endless wait. The wait between seasons is the Long Night for Thrones fans, indeed. This episode was so insanely good that my mind is blown and now I need time to recover. For being the shortest episode this season, it gave me so many emotions than I know what to do with.

I’ll see y’all next Sunday for more emotional wrecking and suffering if I don’t end up in therapy before that. Thanks for going on this wild journey of screaming and screeching and crying with me :)

[briteboy]

MORE ASKS I’VE BEEN IGNORING!!!!!!!

GET ‘EM WHILE THEY’RE HOT

P.S. ALL OF U WHO SENT ME THE CHAIN THINGY ILYSOMUCH 

Why is her step-douche such a foken piece of shit? omg i hate him

some mysteries are never meant to be explained tbh. why is he so ugly and evil? who wronged him? but also who cares he’s in jail forever now good riddance ugly

I know this is probably really bad, but after I saw the newest molly posts, I thought of that video where the little girl is yelling "MISS KEISHA, MISS KEISHA, oh my fukin gosh she fukin dead"

OMFGFD I DIDN’T KNOW WHAT THAT VIDEO WAS SO I JUST WATCHED IT AND I’M LAUGHIN

i don’t blame u i bet when it happens i’m gonna be like “u know she ded”

(To the previous anon) i agree with you so, so much! In Poland, these dumbass politicians are letting shooting pregnant bisons (?? Im not sure how they're called) become legal. Like BITCH WHAT. Can you imagine??? A fucking pregnant lil' cow getting shot????? I feel Molly's pain on an emotional level rn (sorry if this is too nsfw, just needed to get that outta my system...)

i think this was in response to someone saying that hurting pregnant women is one of the worst crimes but um WTF shooting animals at all makes me itchy but pregnant ones..............nah that’s......nah

it’s ok get it outta ur system i’m here 4 u

the first thing I check in the morning is your account.... you have me whipped! ;|

OMG WHA LMAO REALLY that’s wild. i feel like i’m the only one who looks at my page which is dumb but like idk i still feel like a little kid that no one cares about lmao. but then you guys exist and amaze me with your responsiveness every day and i just ;____________; ily all

hi Sunny. first of all i'm gonna say i love your story and your editing style so much! your blog is goals like literally. i need an advice if you don't mind. you always find such amazing angles for your pictures while mine are so boring. any tips or tricks you can share?

HI thank you so much ;-; sooooo i’ve been thinking about this question the past couple of times i went in game, trying to figure out how to describe how i take pictures. for one thing i live in tab mode lmao. meaning you press the tab button on your keyboard to go into camera mode and get all these sexy angles and super zoom and stufffff. i almost always zoom in super far idk why. so there’s one tip. i honestly just play around with going up and down with the q and e keys (i think?) until i find angles i like. i take a lottttt of pictures with so many different angles just so i have a lot to choose from. basically i try to focus on different things in each picture in order to get a mix of the most diverse and dynamic shots possible. you just need to experiment and get creative. i know that’s the most vague advice ever but really just try a new angle that you’ve never considered before and i bet you’ll get cool results. an interesting setting is also the biggest factor, because certain objects and their placements will give you interesting results. 

i honestly want to print out your reaction pic to that one post and just hang it on my wall, put it in my heart locket necklace, stamp it on people's faces, start an email thread with it. i love it.

an add on to the last ask i sent about your reaction pic. i've been looking at it religiously since it was posted, and i dont regret a minute of it. LMAO I'LL STOP NOW.

SAKJDLJKGKSDAF STOPPPP LMAOOO i looked so ugly but that was my pure unadulterated reaction to that question and i trust you all to not judge my ugliness and instead share this reaction with me. i’m glad u liked it that much, i just printed it out and i’m cutting it into a small heart to put inside ur locket ok

everytime i hear cigarette daydreams by cage the elephant i think of a serious case of the novembers like its so fitting and then i get all emo when i listen to it lmao rip

OMMMMGGGGGGG YESSSSS how have i never made that connection before honestly. cage the elephant is one of my faves and i’ve seen them perform twice actually!! i’m watching the music vid for that song now and even that reminds me of my story ;-; i cry

thank you for sending this, and also i cry @ the fact that you used the actual title *dies* now this song is gonna make me emo til the end of time thx

i might sound like some crazy stalker fan but i just want to say you are so freakin awesome and nice and funny and cute and (i can go on forever) so caring! i love your blog so much and all the hard work and care you put into all your posts and followers. thanks for making my day and making me smile so much. you have no clue how much i look forward to seeing your posts and your hilarious hashtags and answers from asks and AMAZING story posts. im sorry i just wanted to let you know ur awesome ily

OFMG WHAT!!!!!! I AM ONLY AN EEL!!!!!! but no you don’t sound like a crazy stalker, i actually love this, you’re too sweet, thank you ;-; i’m just blushin so much reading this omg. YOU EVEN LIKE MY TAGS WOW that’s true love. ily ;-; <333

how do you get your sims' facial expressions to line up with your scenes? I feel like my sims' faces are never right :(

tbh i just use a lot of the same neutral poses...my go-to’s are @helgatisha‘s poses lol. they’re the easiest to work with when i do just plain talking scenes, and often i tweak my sims’ eyebrows and mouths with the liquify tool if i want them to look a bit more concerned, sad, mad, happy, etc., it works like a charm!! i also tend to play around with angles, you’d be surprised how much a different angle can enhance a scene.

Hey smol bean, I'm sent you an ask and now I feel bad that it probably made you feel anxious because you didn't answer it. It was the one about you not liking my posts, I have anxiety too so I'm sorry If I made you feel sad. I think I'm just looking for validation from people I look upto you get me? Anyway sorry again, don't worry about it! Love you!

hiya bb, i know you saw my answer to your original post (and i’m sorry it got some negative attention, i didn’t mean for that to happen by any means) anyway don’t sweat it, and i really appreciate this follow-up message. you didn’t make me feel sad, i just wanna know what i can do. it’s just a hard question y’know. i understand what you mean, i think everyone wants validation to some degree. tbh you can just come off anon and message me, i promise it’s not as nerve-wracking as it seems! ily

How did you make Santi's tattoos? I want some like that for my Sims but idk how to do it

boop

I HAVE A FEELING THAT MOLLY IS GOING TO DIE DURING THE BIRTH OF THE BEAN OR IT HAS SOMETHING TO DO WITH HER STEPFATHER FINDING OUT ABOUT THE BEAN

WELP U WERE RIGHT ABOUT ONE THING

how did you make your characters page on your blog like that?

uoohhh like what?? i used this theme (monolog) if that’s what you mean aheh. here’s a guide on how to use custom page themes

okay so THIS IS MY THEORY: they might keep the baby and molly might actually carry it to full term, but then the kid dies in childbirth and either molly also dies or maybe kills herself or gets killed later? or maybe she's still alive but just won't speak to santi anymore cause she like can't look him in the eye after all of that or idk?? since ppl were sending theories i wanted to add mine lmao. another possible theory is that the stepdad finds out and kills her but thats TOO DARK omg

TOO DARK U SAY...WELL!!! it’s not AS dark as you guessed but only marginally

If Molly turns out to be alive and raising their kid alone (though from what I'm seeing in response to most questions I think that may not be the route) am I allowed to slap Santi (unless Molly didn't give him the option to help) because raising a child alone is not easy I've watched my mom do it for years.

YEAH i would give you permission to slap him lmao he would be a grade A piece o’ shit if that were the case. i would never ever write that tho because santi does own up to his actions if they’re that detrimental. his altruistic nature, no matter how backwards, would never allow him to do that.

There will be complication with the abortion so she will not be able to carry a baby anymore and she's going to kill herself OR her step dad is going to find out and he'll beat her to death. And in both situation Santi his blaming himself because he wasn't there at the right time... Okay I really really hope I'm wrong now !

I don't even follow your story very closely but every time I see your posts my heart hurts.

OMFG...that’s how u know the pain is real

but like wow my stuff is really so visceral that even my apathetic followers can feel the hurt...that’s real...that’s real my guy

omg!! you should 100% play or at least watch a playthrough of life is strange! legit the best game ever made, its so beautiful. the storyline kills you a thousand times over (much like your beautiful story) <3333

yaaaa i’ve heard lots of good things about it!! my bf played it actually, maybe he’ll revisit it again someday and i’ll watch him do it (i’m only a fan of video games if i can watch them like a movie lmao) thank you btw <3

I am shook and I worship you and your story and you are amazing WOW BYE

WORSHIP LMAO WHAT!!! PLS I AM UNDESERVING...ily tho don’t worship false gods

Do you let Molly and the younger versions of your characters frolic around your main save or do they have a separate one?

UM YES LMAO because i didn’t even know you could have separate saves until after i started the flashbacks lmao i’m...a noob. i don’t want separate saves anyway because 1) it’s too much of a hassle switching back and forth and 2) it gets too confusing for me and i’d be afraid of overwriting one save with another and NOPE too much anxiety for that soooo yeah there’s three santis in my game: child, teen and adult lmfao (fun fact: teen santi’s name is literally just Lil Santi)

I made it to my senior year with 6 A's and 1 B ... Be proud of me too? 😂 Lmao I told this to people and some of them were just like .. okay cool?! LMAO it's so funny but also kinda sad

I AM PROUD OF YOU TOO!!!!!!!!! my smart childrens

“okay cool” UM PLEASE that’s a feat...at my school if you got an A in a class in senior year you were allowed to be exempt from the final. so yeah that rules. ily

[floggingink]

Riverdale: “Chapter Twelve: Anatomy of a Murder”

this is the penultimate episode of Riverdale, I can’t believe this is happening, I’m frothing at the mouth

Veronica was rich: “We’re not talking about the Vogue closet here, B.” the sheer fabulous gall of Veronica is—is exhilarating. “It’s not the Met ball.” this is the trailer of the man she just BURGLED

Archie > Dawson: the same goes for Archie’s newfound, forthright belief in truth, justice, and the American way: “My dad will know what to do.” isn’t Archie on Jughead’s side the greatest thing you’ve ever seen? isn’t this BETTER than inexplicably outing him as the son of a trans-Canadian mobster? isn’t this BETTER than letting the Mongol hordes swarm into his house in the middle of Jughead’s birthday party? isn’t this the BEST THING EVER?

the Andrews have some truly calm nature scene reproductions hanging on their walls

Please protect Betty: Betty, who does not know where Jughead is, is close, CLOSE to strangling Alice: “MOM, no, we JUST told you.” “MOM. YOU were the one ASKED Veronica to break IN.”

Certified pedigree: the dynamics among the four parents: “ALICE.”

Archie looks quite nice, in his own dopey soft bro way, with his dress shirt untucked under his blazer, and his Converses

Fred’s comment how “FP may have ruined Jughead’s life” puts into words something awful

our girl Betty wears ankle-cut sky blue Polo Ralph Lauren socks to bed. to, you know, go with her boxers

the female gaze: Archie is so stressed that he’s put a shirt on

I love the dumb thing people on TV do when they text and then use that person’s name in the message, or sign off with their name, as if the receiver doesn’t know who they themselves are or don’t have their friend in their contacts and would be getting such a text anonymously: I’m sure there’s something like “Meet me at 8 - Blair” a thousand times on Gossip Girl, you know

God, that show was terrible

HOWEVER, Betty very sweetly capitalizes “Arch” but not “jughead,” which is extremely realistic and she’s nervous right now so “Arch” is for emphasis, okay

his friends going behind his back, his father arrested for murder, and the family trailer torn to pieces, Drama Prince Jughead Jones goes straight to THE BUS STATION to get a TRAIN TICKET to go to OHIO

then has a moment of Type-B forethought and calls ahead

his slow, delayed delivery of “I...got a bus ticket...to Toledo” betrays his TERROR at committing to this weirdness and being potentially rejected

he’s rejected

by his mother

can’t sleep in the bus terminal!!! REJECTED

Veronica’s shimmery silky blue pajama set

“Pack a bag, just in case”: what would Veronica put in an emergency overnight bag? character study prompt

Gay?!:  Archie has YET ANOTHER brainwave and leads them to the bus station, and I don’t care how long the delay is until he learns he was right, he just missed Jughead by a half-hour, HE WAS RIGHT. Archie is basically Jughead’s Sam Spade

I like the run-around of missing and finding Jughead, which serves no purpose other than passing time tensely and demonstrating that Archie can think of things and Veronica can think of things

the implied conversation Betty and Archie had wherein they live next to each other and can run somewhere quickly together and that there was “no time” to wait for Veronica to get over there

Jughead eats: Jughead, in his sorrows, ordered a very hot cup of coffee

Fwoopy hair is the best hair: and plopped his hat on the tabletop, out of exhaustion

his ANGUISHED WHISPER, “What are you talking about?” Jughead, honestly, this child, JUGHEAD

BRILLIANCE having FP lie about stealing the murder files to cement his innocence. obviously he couldn’t have murdered Jason because he’s been arrested for murdering Jason and this would betray television. but Keller’s like, “You broke into my house?” and FP is like...someone broke into this shit’s house and I have to fucking say yes to this? Did I fucking kidnap the fucking Lindbergh baby too? What the fuck?

Veronica put her Homecoming jacket back on? round of applause for Veronica

Jughead STARING at his father being LED AWAY in HANDCUFFS having CONFESSED TO MURDER YEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSS

the WOOOOOM. WOOOOOM. soundtrack is very Dust Brothers’ Fight Club

the Blossom breakfast spread is NICE. waffles, lots of mixed berries, raspberry mimosas or something, like, waffles, WAFFLES!!!

Cheryl is either wearing a massive choker or else her sweater itself has metallic studs on the high neck, with a spider pin ON TOP OF THEM, like an insane Elizabethan lady

Polly’s aborted “He killed Jason? Not…” is like—WAY too dangerous! Jesus, Polly!

Penelope’s black blouse with the red poppy print is the most normal mom-thing she’s ever worn

Clifford Blossom was ALLOWED to sit with FP in the interrogation room? I have never seen THAT on Law & Order

Archie at lunch that day is in a tight, bright blue Henley like Steve Rogers wears under his Captain America suit in The Avengers

Archie is also eating some sort of vanilla pudding in a cup

SECRET HOLDING HANDS!!!!!!

Jughead walking into the cafeteria is the stuff of legends, but there’s a girl sitting at one of the tables as he walks past, and she’s in a denim romper with a lavender pastel turtleneck and a curly bob and a pink smokey eye and she must be SEEN to be believed

Cheryl’s sheaths: Cheryl is wearing a red high-waisted miniskirt, cropped black sweater, off-black hose, red velvet leg warmers, shiny red pumps

remember how Cheryl ruined his birthday party like last week and now he’s coming up to her to apologize for something he didn’t do?

CLASSIC!!!!! CLASSIC!!!! WALLOPING on the chest of a boy who only tangentially did the Bad Thing as he stands there and takes it out of STOIC GUILT

you think Cheryl “knows” FP didn’t do it and decides to pity-guilt-love-hate slap the shit out of Jughead anyway? I have a lot of feelings about Cheryl and Jughead that I didn’t know I had, especially in the wake of RAS’s “two sides of the same coin” tweet. the operatic tragedies of their lives are so parallel, or at least perpendicular, that honestly they’re going to be intertwined, as emotional empathetic humans, for the rest of their Riverdale lives. Jughead’s tragedy sleeps on the floor and Cheryl’s is luxurious terror and ABSOLUTELY SILENT dinner parties with honey-glazed hams, but really if you rebrand Jughead from the “son of a local gang leader” to an “heir to a Mafia family,” you almost create a Cheryl. look, he wears a hat, she wears a lot of red. they’re both odd. they’re obsessed not with murder, but with Jason’s murder. they’re obsessed with themselves. they crave spectacle, drama, gossip, and they trust no one, and they know they are alone, because they’ve isolated themselves and no one quite speaks their language. and they’re fixated on the Cooper girls. CHERYL AND JUG

it all comes to a sadomasochistic head, anyway, luridly, really greatly, with Cheryl beating the hell out of Jughead’s chest, as the Drama Ho just stands there and clearly plans on standing there until Cheryl stops

Archie HAULS her off of him like Moose HAULED Jughead off of Reggie

“He was apologizing! He didn’t do anything wrong!”

Cheryl’s a psychopath: “I barely touched him,” says Cheryl, as Jughead’s mouth bleeds

it took twelve episodes for Jughead to call someone “a dick”

honestly my favorite Jughead moment of the night is the way he stops walking and rubs the inside corner of his eye, out of fucks to give, a little repeating Jughead tic, perfectly timed

just as Jughead told Betty she was the only thing holding her family together, right now frankly Betty is holding the Joneses together too

What damn high school in America: the Bee certainly knew to call Mr. Andrews specifically to talk to about Jughead

“Well, can we call? The school board?” PRECIOUS ARCHIE. there’s always someone else he can try and talk to. always another recourse. it might be dumb as fuck but he is out there trying

“Good thing mom’s a lawyer!” Archie’s Step Two is his father adopting Jughead Jones. I am throttling wild animals for Archie rn

Archie’s voice cracks at “Jug.” after Jughead says he’s sleeping in the garage

Jughead is sleeping in the GARAGE. when was the last time he slept in a real bed? literally years?

Mädchen Amick, MÄDCHEN AMICK: Alice is clearly thrilled at possibly getting to shoot someone

I want it on the record that I said “He WAS a Blossom” right BEFORE Hal said it and thus should receive screenwriting royalties from the CW

Betty has to tell everyone she’s a Blossom by blood now. she has to go to Archie and tell him she’s related to Cheryl. she has to tell Jughead. over the next couple of days, I’m going to try and imagine Jughead’s reaction

These students are legally children: remember the pilot of Riverdale? where Betty’s biggest problem was that her mom didn’t want her to be a cheerleader? look now, children. poisoned milkshakes. Jughead Jones in a white tank top. Catholic pregnancy asylums. football drug mules. psychologically astute references to Romeo and Juliet. the concept of a “Dark Betty.” a symbolic pearl necklace, of familial blackmail. murder, over maple syrup. and incest: so much incest that we thought it was going to be one kind of incest, but it turned out that that incest was just a red herring and the actual incest was this other incest

Thornhill has some incredible glass windows inside the foyer. like some Tiffany Deco shit. am I making this up? yes. it’s nice glass~

Best costume bit: Polly’s pajamas are black with a white bow print, because Polly

bit rich of any hypothetical Riverdale character to cite their family as the “mentally stable” family

Alice has a butterfly pin on her trench coat that she just keeps there, or else she tosses it on en route, Hal driving furiously

“Nothing could be more purely Blossom than those babies.” OOOOOOOOOOOH MY GOOOOOOOOOOODDDDDDD SHE SAID!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Every triangle has three corners, every triangle has three sides: Polly is HORRIFIED, she is no longer carrying “her boyfriend’s babies,” she is now carrying “intra-Blossom spawn”

Cliff trots out the third cousins/“Jane Austen people did this all the time” defense, “Tutankhamun’s mother was also his aunt,” “This is why Alexei had hemophilia”

actually I think Polly and Jason (and Cheryl, and Betty) are second cousins, if they share the same great-grandparents. the number of G’s is the number of cousins

the look on Penelope’s face when she grabbed Betty and tried her last “You’ve made a mistake” move and Betty DOESN’T look taken aback in the least

Jughead at Pop’s after he got some sleep has turned the corner from utter despair to channeling his pain into quips, all is back to normal: “Don’t forget that pesky confession.”

his morbid, defensive flippancy grosses Archie out, as it did in the second episode

Jughead reading the list of his father’s sins aloud, starting to cry

the pervasive blues and greys inside the cell

FP still dressed in his T-shirt and flannel, lounging on his cot like some possibility, some paralyzing tarot card of Jughead’s future

Fifth period is AP English: clearly what cuts deepest for Jug was his father only reading his writing to see what he thought about the murder, TENDER CHILD

FP yells at him! this propels Jughead across the floor! FP stands to join him at the bars! dynamic emoting, blocking!

“I’m sorry I got caught. We done?” is FP’s version of the thing, I don’t even know where it’s from, like a little boy trying to get his dog that he loves to run away from him: “Go! Go on! Get out of here! GET OUT OF HERE YOU STUPID DOG I LOVE.”

the miniscule instant between his father telling him never to come back and him saying “Got it,” Jughead is figuring some SHIT OUT! this boy should be bathed in overcast blue Pacific Northwest lighting all the time, because it makes his astrological beauty marks stand out and his lips look violet like he’s drowned and Jughead should always look a little post-mortem, like a little consumptive, a little ill. The Ring had really good cinematography, okay

the frankly Ingmar Bergman shot of FP bearing down on Jughead with the prison bar perfectly bisecting his face

Kevin coming through at Joaquin’s interrogation! already better at this than his dad!

Jason LITERALLY wore that all-white outfit for his “running through the woods tf out of here” errand, Jesus, the Blossoms

Kevin, choking back tears: “You. Are a criminal.” yeah, you knew this, Kev

Jughead doubts it: THANK YOU, JUGHEAD IS FINALLY TALKING TO BETTY AGAIN FOR REAL, THANK GOD, HOLY GOD LET’S ALL GET BACK TOGETHER HERE GUYS

good JESUS Mustang’s corpse covered in like infected needle marks and shit???? but we can’t say “abortion” in this time slot???

unexpected touching moment of Archie starting to cry in his dad’s truck, overwhelmed by the awfulness of seeing a dead body, a local motel

honestly it’s about time Hermione Lodge dramatically collapsed into tears

Sixth Period is Intro to Film: OH YOU KNOW JOAQUIN’S ON A BUS TO SAN JUNIPERO

Gay.: nice kiss too boys!!!!!! Joaquin is getting out of town before FP has him killed from prison

Cheryl’s pins: the brooch clasped at Penelope’s throat over her deep purple blouse is old school

Cheryl’s hair: the perfect coil of red hair over her left shoulder is BACK

something about Cheryl calling them “mommy” and “daddy” and “Jay-Jay” is like so self-aware-ed-ly infantilizing and treading-on-glass and pretending there’s like a status quo to the hierarchy of their family and it’s how careful Cheryl has to be navigating her house and how she like adores her Blossomity yet fears the Blossoms, YOU KNOW? CHERYL? GOD?

Penelope is going to dissociate at this fireplace until she is forced out of it

uuummmmnnnnn honestly when Penelope purred “So many questions, Cheryl,” I thought Cheryl was officially going to be killed

I missed you, Murder Board

Penelope hauling Cheryl out in the squelchy mud to the big red barn, speaking of The Ring

“The police found another dead body.” “Okay, maybe not that.”

okay, so FP told Joaquin to leave for his own safety from...other people. turns out FP is kind of decent

I’ve seen Brick like thirty times: there are officially tears of overstimulating in Jughead’s eyes as their flashlight beams all highlight “Jason”

Jughead has moved on to the “acceptance” stage of processing his father’s guilt, which in turn cements Betty’s doubt into refusal

“Betty, this is weird.” no, this is PERFECT

Veronica is confused but game, Jughead looks politely interested

Summer + Blair = Veronica: Veronica, chiming in: “Or my Mont Blanc.”

the Blossom corpse: Sad Breakfast Club were some nervous children watching the snuff tape, but I’m willing to be they were not as nervous AS ME WATCHING THEM WATCH THE SNUFF TAPE, SPEAKING OF THE RING

I also like the in-character blocking of the way they sat and took it in: Veronica leans forward, Archie and Betty are very still, Jughead has his hands steepled in front of his mouth, Betty’s eyes water

Veronica, again the Queen of Bedside Empathy, finally bursts her dam and starts to cry, Archie puts his hand on Jughead’s shoulder in soft bro comfort

I’m writing a scene where it’s gay.: BETTY TELLS CHERYL THE PHONE CALLS ARE COMING FROM INSIDE HER HOUSE

I WAS ONE TENSE BITCH WHILE CHERYL WALKED DOWN HER STAIRCASE

Riverdale absolutely delivered with the extreme close-up of Cheryl’s Realizing Eyes, like the extreme close-up of Betty’s Realizing Eyes at Homecoming, her spidery black mascara and pink smokey eye, the single tear

Cheryl FOR REAL descends this staircase like the most tragic betrayed princess, like a Tudor queen, walking to her death, of all time, ever, if only Jughead could see this

Mother and Father are apparently eating salad and rolls without her

there are truly no words to totally encompass the magnanimous drama, the scope, the lurid horrifying beauty, the undiluted essence of Riverdale, Riverdale in one cosmic blip, one instant of true art grasped from the void that is Cheryl standing at her mother’s side and saying “You did a bad thing, daddy.”

more surprising to me than the fact that Clifford did it is the fact that Penelope didn’t know

LOL turns out FP was being a great father all along! but he was doing it in the most FP way possible!!!!! by going to prison LOLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!

was Clifford Blossom going to SHOOT JUGHEAD IN THE FACE? aiight, you’d have to find him first, dude

“My dad was protecting me from a monster.”

WHAT IS JUGHEAD SAYING TO SHERIFF KELLER, TELL ME

Mary Andrews picks up her bag and walks out into the mist like the priest at the end of The Exorcist

the TOTEMIC MASTERPIECE of Penelope and Cheryl, mother and daughter, at their staggered heights, pointing simultaneously towards the fucking barn

“Damn good coffee”: Clifford committed suicide old school, like Penelope’s brooch, he didn’t shoot himself in the mouth, okay, he hanged himself on a barrel full of syrup & drugs. RIP the OG Riverdale gangster

NEXT WEEK: Archie punches the snow!!!!!!!!!